#he's so sexy without trying its pissing me off

[mctwinkdom]

Why is he insane.

[jazzthatonewriterchick]

DRABBLE: YOU GOT ERRANDS TO RUN? NOT WITH THEM, YOU DON’T! (18+) (JJK) (For Black!Fem!Readers)

Writer's Note: Got this idea out of nowhere lol. Enjoy! -Jazz

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TOJI

Don’t ever expect to get anything done with this nigga around.

I'm serious. You can't get anything done when this man is in your house or apartment.

You try to cook? He'll bend you over the counter and let that bitch in the pan or stove burn.

You need to do your laundry? He'll "help" you put your load in the washer machine before putting his own "load" deep in your pussy or all over your ass while you're bent over the dryer.

You have to go grocery shopping? Okay! He'll drive you there and play with your pussy while steering with the other hand.

Case in point, you wake up one morning at around 7AM on the dot, your ringtone going off which wakes the sleeping, sexy, toxic man lying next to you, naked from the night before as are you. You had invited Toji over for a Friday night smoke session knowing full well that it would end in you getting fucked.

And you did. Very good, might I add. Your legs still feel like jelly and your muscles ache from Toji putting you into twenty different positions to fuck you in, but you still have to hit the gym.

But as you shift in his big, beefy arms wrapped tight around you, they seem to get tighter, locking you against him. You groan tiredly. "Toji," you sigh. "C'mon, I gotta get up."

"Where you think you goin'?" he sleepily murmurs though his deep voice makes your stomach flutter. "I ain't fucked you yet. Mornin' sex is the best sex."

You roll your eyes, still struggling to take his arms from around you. "I thought you said high sex is," you giggle. He snorts into his pillow, scooting closer to begin kissing your back. "Babygirl, I say a lot of shit when I'm horny," he chuckles. "All sex is the best sex."

He then begins kissing up to your neck right behind your ear. Your weak spot. "Mmm," you softly moan, instinctively leaning your head back to give him more of your throat to kiss.

"Yeah?" he teasingly asks. "Now isn't this so much better than goin' wherever it is you were off to?"

"I have to go to the gym," you whimper in protest, pushing his face away from you. "C'mon, I've got a routine. You know this." You go to pry his arms off of you, but he stops you by suddenly moving on top of you.

"Toji, no!" you protest, irked by his full weight on top of you, keeping you locked underneath him. He smirks down at you, barely reacting to your pissed scowl. "Toji, yes," he chuckles. "Now c'mon, babydoll. Why go to the gym when I can train ya just fine?"

He leans down to begin assaulting your neck in kisses and nibbles that have your pussy waking up out of its slumber, especially when you feel his cock begin to stir against your inner thigh.

"And besides." He pauses, smirking at you. "I can make you sweat even more than one of those machines can."

And twenty minutes later, cutting right into your workout time, Toji makes do on his word and gives you his own workout by having you bounce on his cock while he fucks you back, his firm, thick thighs slapping against yours as he fucks you from below.

"Fuck, Toji, f-fuck me!" you whine from above him, your hands gripping the headboard for dear life as you sweat out your hair and your thighs burn.

"See, babydoll?" he pantingly chuckles from below you, his own toned body shining in sweat. "Told ya I could make ya sweat more."

GOJO

Like Toji, this blue-eyed bitch is one horny bastard. And an attention whore.

Satoru swears he is dying when you don't give him even an ounce of the attention he needs. You jokingly call him 'Tinkerbell' because of this. "She dies without attention too," you giggled to him.

"She's got the right idea," your goofy ass man said to you, his head in your lap while you played in his hair. "You've gotta give your romantic partners the attention they crave, baby. It's a part of life! It's the natural order of things!"

He practices this now, lying on your couch on his stomach, his long legs hanging off the edge. He watches you like a begging puppy as you scurry around your living room in your tight spandex shorts and sports bra, moving your Swiffer Wet Jet around your hardwood floor.

He whines at you, taking on the full persona of a dog, and you roll your eyes. He’s been wining ever since he got here and realized you were too busy cleaning before your lunch with Geto to give him any attention. "Stop whining, you big baby,” you huff, barely even looking at him.

Your golden retriever boyfriend sits up on your couch, exasperated and dramatic as always. "But I'm your big baby," he protests with a white-toothed smile and that adoring look in his blue eyes that always gets you. However, you ignore it and he withers. “C'mon, Y/N, baby! You've been wiping the damn floor for an hour now!"

"Satoru, you just got here ten minutes ago," you sigh, leaning against your Wet Jet. "I told you after I'm done the floor, we can go to lunch and meet up with Geto." You turn around and continue to mop, but that’s a big mistake.

Your man takes advantage of this position and wraps his arms around you from behind. “Can we go to lunch after I fuck you?" he suggests. "I can't eat when I'm this horny." He begins to kiss your neck as he presses his toned, hard front against your back, giving you a feel of his dick pushing through his hoochie daddy shorts.

He knew what the fuck he was doing wearing those things. “Gojo, no,” you moan. "C'mon, stop." You try to push him away, but he stops you, locking his arm tight around you.

“Then you stop bein' so sexy," he murmurs. "You knew what the fuck you were doin' when you decided to put these on, baby." His hands slide down your shorts, pushing them up higher so he can slip his fingers under them to caress your thighs.

You bite back a pleasured smile at his ministrations and swiftly smack his hands away. He mockingly hisses in pain, giving you a look of pure betrayal. “No, no, no," you firmly say. "You keep distracting me, you'll get no pussy later."

His expression deepens, his eyes wide like you just told him you’d kill him. “Babyyy!" he whines. "Don't be so cruel!" He then drops to his knees and grabs your hips, pushing his face into your stomach.

"Gojo," you sigh, though you also giggle. "Now how am I supposed to wipe the floor like this?"

You put your hand in his hair, playing with the white locks as he begins to kiss your stomach and sides. You bite back a moan, hating him for how good his lips feel. "Alright, fine!" you huff. He looks up at you and grins like a kid on Christmas Day, finally breaking you. “I'll stop for five minutes so we can make out, but ONLY making out. Nothing else, got it?"

"Got it," he replies, knowing damn well he is lying.

Fifteen minutes later, his head is between your thighs and your mouth is locked around his cock. You sit on top of him, straddling his face with your thick, delicious thighs that Gojo can’t get enough of. He grips them, closing them around his ears as he sucks and slurps on your sobbing, wet, puffy cunt. Your shorts have been discarded, your panties are pulled aside, and your sports bra is peeled up to reveal your juicy tits that you rub against his abs to stimulate your nipples.

Your mouth goes up, down, up, down, bobbing in rhythm to take his thick, veiny shaft down your throat, his pulsing head touching the back of your throat and making you gag. The lewd sounds and your saliva dripping from your mouth seem to make Gojo go feral.

He begins to eat your pussy even sloppier, moaning into your hole as he does so. You moan and whimper around his cock, struggling to keep rhythm. You’re sure you’re about to cum until you hear your phone ring from behind you, sitting up on the couch arm. You pop Gojo’s dick out of your mouth, the beautiful shaft glistening in spit. "'T-Tarou," you stammer. "Mmm, baby! The phone! It's Geto!"

Gojo tears himself away from your pussy, his mouth coated in your juices and his own spit. "I've got it," he growls. "Don't stop suckin' my cock." He reaches down to push your head back down onto him just as he answers your phone. "Yeah?" he asks right before he moans out, "Fuck, babygirl, yes!"

You hear Geto sigh on the other line and you glare back at Gojo when you realize he put the call on speaker. This motherfucker! “I called at a very bad time, obviously," Geto sighs. "I should've known since you answered Y/N's phone instead of her."

"Gojo, stop!" you yell, but you're cut off by a moan as Gojo begins playing with your clit. "Sorry, Sugu, but Y/N and I are gonna be a little late,” he smugly replies, watching you grind your hips and that gorgeous ass onto his fingers. “Is 2PM a better time?"

"Sure," Geto sighs. "Just for God's sake, make sure you get this all out now because I don't wanna watch you two eye fuck at lunch." You flush with embarrassment, thinking of what he’ll think once you’re actually sitting across from him at lunch.

Gojo laughs, taking his fingers away and sucking on them. "Gotchu," he chuckles. "Now unless you wanna listen to me fuck my girl's brains out, I suggest you hang up."

In one swift motion, he grabs your hips, tosses you down onto the couch on your hands and knees, and moves behind you. You squeak at the sudden movement and his strength, aroused by the fact that he’s fast and so strong.

Tossing your phone away, Gojo taps his cock against your begging pussy lips, emitting a moan from both of you, much to Geto’s dismay. "You two are disgusting," he scoffs before he hangs up right as Gojo begins to piston into you from behind.

You gasp as his thick cock slides into you and quickly begins to stroke your insides, pleasurable tingles surging from your clit the more he hits your shit dead on from the back. You grip the arm of the couch for dear life as his hands spank your ass, the burst of pain shocking you like electricity as your ass bounces against him and your titties jiggle with every thrust. “God, ‘Tarou, yes!” you yelp. “Yes, right there! Do it right there!”

Gojo wraps a hand around your hair, grinning down at the slut that has taken your place. "You still got those motherfuckin' errands to run?" he demands. You shake your head desperately, whimpering. “Huh?” He teasingly asks, yanking on your hair. “I can't hear you, mama. Tell me what you're doin' right now."

You don’t answer for a while, too busy moaning and sobbing in pleasure about his dick to do so. But when you finally feel that knot tightening and snapping in your core and your pussy spasm around your boyfriend’s cock, you do answer: "Cumming!" you sob. "I-I'm cumming!"

GETO

Suguru is a little more understanding than the other two, especially as a single father, but when you get him in that particular mood, it’s harder to see you go.

He lays on his side under his sheets, one elbow propped up to hold up his head as he watches you sit on the edge of his bed. He frowns as you pull your jeans up over your thick thighs and luscious ass covered in love bites that he gave you last night. “Do you really have to leave me this morning, precious?" he tuts. "I just think you need at least another couple of minutes of rest."

You look at him over your shoulder, drinking in how sexy he looks with the sunlight pouring in through the bedroom window. It illuminates his tanned skin and muscles, turning his long, black longs into spun gold that cascade down his back and shoulders.

You had come over after working a Sunday shift to spend time with him and his daughters, Mimiko and Nanako, as you frequently did since Geto lives so close to your workplace. He cooked a delicious hibachi dinner for you, played Disney movies, and after he put the girls to bed, retreated with you to his bedroom to put your ass through his mattress and make you cum a good four times throughout the sleepless night.

But now that night has ended and you must go back to reality, which means leaving and running your errands for Monday morning before your night shift. "By rest, you mean cuddling with you," you giggle. Geto purses his lips at you, about to argue. “Well...yes."

You laugh at his quickness to give up on an argument and scoot closer to him in your jeans and bra. He opens his arms for you immediately, wrapping them around you. "Baby, you have to go to work in an hour and take your daughters to school." You run a hand through his hair, making him close his eyes and relax under your touch. “Meanwhile, my dog needs his walk, I have to pick up my dry cleaning, and I need to deep clean my bedroom."

His eyes clench tightly at the mention of your list your stupid errands. "Can't all of that wait until we get some time together?" he sighs. He opens his eyes, the same ones you stared into while he filled you up and made you cum last night, and presses a kiss to your hand. “Daddy needs his kisses too."

You instantly feel your body react—your heart thumping and your pussy excitedly throbbing—at the mention of your favorite nickname for him. You just love it when he refers to himself as ‘Daddy’ in the third person and he knows that. But you also know that he goes insane when you call him that too.

So you lean in and press a teasing kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Daddy will get his kisses later," you whisper, much to his dismay. “But he can watch his girl get dressed."

You jump off of the bed before he can snatch you back up and slowly, tantalizingly begin to put on and button your blouse that he ripped off of you last night. You stare at him through your lashes as you do, leaning forward to give him a view of your titties in your lace bra.

Geto bites his lip at the sight of you, the little reverse strip tease causing a tent to form under the sheets. "You little tease," he exhales. "You keep doin' that and you won't be gettin' out of here."

You raise a brow at his warning, pausing from buttoning your blouse. "Oh?" you teasingly ask. "And how the fuck you gon' do that? Tie me up?" You laugh at your joke, thinking he’s not serious, but Geto only smirks at you. Instantly, you regret pushing him.

If there is one thing about Geto Suguru, he is dead serious about everything, including backing up his shit talk in the bedroom. It doesn’t take long for him to have you naked and wrapped up tight in his arms while you toss your ass into him from behind, your hands pressed against the headboard. You have to do your very best to keep your moans down as he pistons himself into you, his cock and his fingers stimulating your clit, causing your pussy to drip and grip around him.

"How's this for tyin' you up?" he grunts into your ear. "No rope can hold you tighter than I can. You like this, mama?"

You don’t have to give an answer—your body is responding just as he wants with your soaked pussy squelching and squeezing around him, even more so as he rubs your clit with his calloused fingers. But you find yourself giving a verbal answer anyway: "God, Sugu, yes!" you whine. "Yes, I fuckin' love it!"

"Daddy?" a sudden small voice asks along with a knock. Geto immediately covers your mouth and slows his pistoning hips, but doesn't stop rolling them. He continues to slowly fuck you but presses a finger to his lips. "Yeah, Mimiko, baby?" he calls, keeping his voice steady despite still dicking you down.

"I'm hungry!" Mimiko whines from behind the door. "Can you cook breakfast now?"

"In a minute, buttercup," Geto replies. "Daddy is busy helpin' Y/N out with somethin'. Wait till I'm done, okay, pumpkin?" He takes your hand off of the headboard and places it on your pussy, coaxing you to rub it in time with his quickening thrusts.

Though Mimiko whines in protest at waiting for her food, she listens to her father anyway. "Okay," she replies and wanders off.

Once she's gone, Geto sighs in relief and gives you an apologetic smile. "Guess this is tunin' into a quickie," he chuckles. "Don't worry, mama, I've gotchu. Just hold onto the headboard 'cause I'm not goin' slow."

He begins to beat your pussy up just the way you need him to, knocking the air out of your lungs. Your pussy tightens around him, signaling the oncoming of your orgasm just as your phone alert begins to ring. "Sugu, m-my dry cleaning!" you sob. "I've got to-"

But Geto silences you with a sloppy kiss. "Fuck your dry cleaning," he grunts. "You better cum for me if you wanna get outta here in time, baby."

Luckily, you do and gush all around your man's thick cock while he cums on your ass, but you're late to pick up your dry cleaning.

NANAMI

Kento understands the struggles and responsibilities of adulting….but there’s just something about your sundress.

He had agreed to go with you to a farmers market in the city that finally returned for the season when he took a special interest in how you're dressed. "Sweetie, are you ready yet?" he calls from your bedroom. "I thought you said we have to be there early before it gets crowded."

You check your hair and outfit once more before you quickly prance out of the bathroom to your bedroom. "I'm coming, I'm coming!" you shout. "Sorry, I had trouble pullin' up the zipper to my..."

You stop talking immediately, noticing the way Nanami is staring at you from the middle of the room. His eyes are slightly widened and his lips are parted as he gazes at you. "What's wrong?" you worriedly ask. "Are my nipples showing?"

"No, no," he quickly replies. "You're fine, but...is that what you're wearing to the farmer's market today?"

He points at your floral-printed sundress with its spaghetti straps and hemline that stops at your knees, giving him a sneaky peek at your thighs. Your beautiful legs trail down to the slides and gold anklet you wear to bring the outfit to a cute close.

"Well, yeah!" you giggle. "It's warm today and I thought I'd look cute in it, don'tcha think?" You swish your hips, causing the ruffle of your dress to swish tantalizing around your legs and waist. Nanami watches, a blush suddenly coating his cheeks.

"Erm...w-well, yes." He pauses to clear his throat. "Yes, it's very...very..." He stops, swallowing hard. You stop, nervous about his weird reaction to your fit. "What?" you somberly ask. "Do you not like it?"

Nanami places his hands on his slim hips, visibly frustrated and flustered. "No, I don't like it," he replies. "I fucking love it and that's the problem. You look so damn good in that, I just wanna say fuck the market and fuck you."

You are gobsmacked by Nanami's dirty confession. Hearing your usually calm and collected gentleman look so desperate and sound so vulgar makes your stomach flutter and your nipples instantly harden. "W-Well, thank you, baby," you giggle, flushing shyly. "I wouldn't say no to that if I didn't want some fresh flowers, herbs, and organic strawberries."

Nanami nods, knowing how much you love fresh produce for your diet and herbs for your kitchen. "You're right," he sighs. "I shouldn't be thinking like this when you have an errand to run. After all, this is for your groceries."

"Yeah!" you agree because this is the adult thing to do. "It's better if we leave now and come back to this later." You pivot on your foot with your mini bag dangling from your fingers, but you don't realize that it's unzipped until your phone falls out and clatters to the floor.

"Shit!" you gasp and immediately bend over to pick it up. You also don't realize how short your sundress is. When you bend over, you unintentionally give Nanami an eyeful of your delectable asscheeks and the panties you're wearing for the day.

Nanami's cock instantly surges to life and he can't control himself anymore. As you stand up straight, he immediately grabs you from behind and presses you against the wall. "Ken!" you gasp. "Baby, what are you-"

You pause when you feel his hard-on pressing against you from behind through his jeans. "I'm sorry, darling," he ruggedly says in your ear. "But I don't think I can wait till after the shopping. I need you now."

His big hands coax you to bend forward, your ass sticking out, and brace your hands against the wall, your bag falling to the ground. He lifts up your dress to reveal your panties and thighs where he begins to litter both in sloppy, open-mouthed kisses.

"B-But, baby!" you moan. "But...fuck, Kento! B-But the strawberries-"

"Will be there," he finishes. "All you need to worry about now is us and you cumming." He stops and holds your eyes with his as you look back at him. "Am I clear?" he firmly asks and then moves your panties to the side to reveal your pretty pussy to him.

"Yes, sir!" you whine as he begins to gently run his fingers over your slit.

"Good girl," he chuckles and his tongue steals all your thoughts of fresh produce and flowers away.

CHOSO

He’ll do and say anything to keep your ass with him.

Choso is usually aloof to a lot of things and people, but not to you. You are the only one he'd like to see every day, all the time.

He makes that known by calling and texting you throughout the day, surprising you at your crib with flowers and food you like; staying the weekend, and inviting you over to his place when you're free.

He wants you all the time. Work and other shit be damned...including errands. He will protest and argue you into the ground whenever you tell him you need to go run your errands for the day.

You need to go grocery shopping? He'll lock his arms tight around you, knowing that you can't get free. "Choso, no," you'd giggle in protest. "I have to get groceries."

"Just five more minutes," he'd mumble. "It's cold in here." Despite your room being toasty warm.

You need to go work out? He'll promise to cook for you just to have to stay. "Choso, I have to go to Pilates," you'd say.

"But I'm making coffee," he'd reply, giving you a saddened look that made him look adorable with his spiked ponytails. "C'mon, mama, you can show up a little late, can't you?"

Now isn't any different. Your alarm goes off, you go to get up, and your man tightens his grip on you. He goes to say something, but you put your hand in his face. "Uh-uh," you say. "No excuses this time. I need to go to Target and Smoothie King before my class today."

He picks his head up from the pillow, a cute scowl on his face and his black hair messily all over his head. "What's at Smoothie King?" he curiously asks.

"My Morning Mango Blast smoothie, of course!" you reply. He blinks at you, wondering if you’re serious. "Errands!" you giggle as you peek back the covers and pick up your pajama bottoms from the floor.

"Smoothie King is your errand?" he snorts, rolling his eyes. “I'll never understand you women."

"You don't have to," you shoot back. "Not entirely." As you pull your bottoms up, you stick your ass out, teasingly giving him a shot of your panties before they disappear under your shorts.

As you go to fetch some clothes, Choso grabs your arm. “Not so fast," he says in a sleepy, teasing drawl. You turn, seeing that he has become hard from under the sheets.

“Nooo," you groan. "Not again! What is it with you and not wantin' me to run my errands?" You let him pull you close, giggling as his lips begin to caress your neck. “You can go to Target and get your smoothie at any time," he argues. "Your class starts at 11 AM which means we got about..." "

He pauses to look at his watch. LThree hours till you're out of commission." He goes back to kissing you, his hands caressing your back and sides.

You moan at his pleasurable kissing and touching, but you know you can’t fall victim to his trap. "No, Choso," you sigh. "I don't have the time, okay? I've got errands to run."

Choso picks his head up from your chest to stare at you, his eyes stern. “No, you don't," he argues.

You cock your head at him, pursing your lips. Your attitude can’t be contained unfortunately. "Says who?" you scoff.

He sits up, exciting you with how demanding he’s become. “Says your man," he replies. "And I say your gonna leave your Target run and smoothie for later so I can pay."

Your pussy practically turns into a faucet. Nothing turns you on more than your boo telling you he’ll take care of you, but you’re not going to give up that easily.

You cross your arms over your chest, standing tall on your decision. "And what are you gonna do if I say no?" you challenge.

At the sight of Choso’s pierced brow twitching, you know you got to him. And minutes later, he gets to you by spreading you on your mattress and slurping up your pussy, your juices spilling out onto the sheets and down your chin. His tatted hands pin your thighs to the bed, his fingers digging into them as his pierced tongue rapidly moves across your slit, his nose nudging against your clit.

"God, Choso, yes!" you whine. "Please right there! Right fuckin' there, baby!” You can't keep your voice down nor stop your hips from rolling, all thoughts of errands gone. The only thing you are now focused on is cumming.

Being the soft yet demanding Dom that your boyfriend is, he picks his head up to look at you from between your thighs and rubs your clit with his index and middle fingers at the rapid pace and pressure you love. “Now what is it you had to do today?” he asks.

“Nothing!” you whimper, your toes curling and your hands balling into fists on the bedsheets. “I-I don’t have to do anything!” Choso leans in and begins pressing kisses to your clit as he slowly slides his fingers inside of you, curling upwards.

“So you’re gonna stay with me?” he pushes. “You’re not gonna worry about any of that shit, are you, baby?” He wraps his cushiony, soft lips on your desperate clit again which begins throbbing in time with the strokes of his fingers inside of you.

“N-No!” you stammer. “Oh, shit, Choso, I’m gonna cum!” It doesn't take long so Choso doesn't slow down or speed up, not stopping until you gush all over his fingers and pierced tongue. He greedily, eagerly cleans you up, even sliding his tongue between your ass crack, before you are a whimpering, over-stimulated mess.

He then lays down beside you and grabs his phone while you stare at him, starry-eyed and winded. He silently opens the app store and downloads the Smoothie King app on his phone.

"So what smoothie did you say you wanted?" he asks. You damn near suck the skin off of his dick afterwards.

INO

He’ll go with you to do an errand run but don’t act shocked if he pulls his dick out and tries to do you in the car.

Ino is one horny motherfucker...especially when it comes to your fine ass! You could wear a damn clown costume and he'd get rock for you. He thinks you're the most beautiful, sexiest woman he's ever met and to fuck you any chance he gets is a privilege he intends to take advantage of.

Even when you're busy. While Ino doesn't like to bother you when you have things to do, he does like to tease you. An errand run is just the place to do it. But he quickly realizes that you're doing the teasing despite not doing anything remotely sexual as you shop for groceries at your favorite supermarket with him tagging along

"God, you look so good in these fuckin' shorts, sugar," he groans, watching your ass move in your teeny tiny shorts. “ You did this on purpose." His eyes are glued to each cheek jiggling and moving when he should be helping you look for fresh produce for your fridge.

You realize that it was a bad idea to bring him along grocery shopping because of how horny he is. "Maybe," you giggle, picking up an orange and squeezing it lightly to check if it's ripe. "I'm not gonna wear sweats in 89-degree weather, Ino."

You turn to him as he trails behind you in his denim shorts and loose tank top that exposes so much skin and muscle that you can feel the feral slut inside of you clawing to get out and suck his dick in the middle of the store.

"I would hope not, but goddamn, this isn't workin' out for me!" he whines, looking like he's in agony as you lead him over to the peaches and nectarines. "You've got your man completely down bad for you." He leans against the shelves, his eyes lustful and playful.

You smile, pressing a kiss sticky with gloss to his waiting lips. "I know," you purr and hand him the basket you're carrying. "Now help me pick out the ripest peach here." You turn around and bend over to grab a nectarine, unaware of the fact that your shorts sink between your asscheeks as you do.

"Oh, I found one," he says before squeezing your ass. You gasp, turning to move his hand away, but he stops you by moving closer to your body so no one notices. "Uh-uh, don't move. Don't wanna bruise it...yet."

"Ino, cut it out!" you hiss. "We're in public!" He scowls confusedly at you, pouting. “Da hell does that mean?" he asks. "That didn't stop you from wearin' these little hoochie shorts." His hand slinks down to toy with your shorts that make your shapely legs look even better to him.

"Hoochie shorts?" you scoff, finally moving his hand away. "And what are those?" You nod down at his pants that stop mid-thigh. "You tryin' to scoop up a horny mom with those on?"

He smiles at your raised eyebrow and your hand on your hip. "But you're my twinsie!" he jokes. "I had to match with you!" Your eyes snake back down to his thighs, imagining very naughty things about them all of a sudden. "Maybe that was a mistake," you whisper.

Unfortunately for you, you find a banana that isn't mixed with the ones located a foot away from you with the apples. Instead, this one is thicker, harder, and located between Ino's thighs which are quickly tightening the more he looks at you.

Ino presses against you and sneakily moves your hand to cup his hard-on, making you nervously smile at the risky move. "You wanna go to the car and take care of it for me?" he suggestively asks into your ear.

Feeling just as freaky and your pussy throbbing in your panties, you turn to him and push your tits up against his hard pecs, all peaches and nectarines forgotten. “What's in it for me?" you ask, raising a brow at him.

He shows you just what when he has you folded up like a pretzel in the backseat of his car an hour after you get your groceries, his long dick in your mouth and his fingers buried deep in your pussy. Your shorts and panties are somewhere in the front seats, your tits jiggling in your sports bra as you bob your head up and down Ino's length.

"Fuck, baby!" he moans, his voice bouncing off of the car walls, mingling with your lewd moans and gagging sounds as you deepthroat him. He gently slides himself out of your mouth, leaving you drooling and your chin coated in spit.

"Come the fuck here," he growls, pulling you off of him before yanking you on top of him. You squeak and brace your hands on the car ceiling right as he takes his cock and gently slides himself inside of you, emitting a moan of release from both of you.

He only gives you a few slow thrusts before the image of your soft ass bouncing against him gets to him and he begins to go faster and harder as you bounce on his cock. "Shit, Ino, yes!" you whine, gripping the car ceiling handles for dear life as he fucks the absolute shit out of you.

If anyone were to be inside the car, all they would hear are the sounds of skin slapping against skin, your ass clapping against Ino's pelvis, and soft pants and moans as you eagerly fuck each other.

But thank God the windows are soundproof.

Ino laughs as he grips your hips, continuing to drill into you from below. "Bet you'll be askin' me to go on errand runs again, huh, sugar?" he cackles.

[pedge-page]

for your pk poll… I CANT CHOOSE… but i do love sub reader and joel making her piss herself tbh 🫣🫢

The Garden of Peeden

Joel Miller x F!Reader

Notes: We're getting it all. here's a little something to keep everyone happy with PK...for now.

Warnings: PISS KINK, reader and Joel piss on reader, sub!Reader, daddy kink, semi public, assisted masturbation

18+ONLY

- - - - 

It’s been 6 weeks since Joel’s started training you to go without holding back, no matter the circumstances. You’ve started getting used to it. That freeing feeling of warmth filling your senses, making your mind go from anxious to relaxed just by releasing.

Today, he has you in a beautiful sun dress, no panties. You’re spread out on top of him with your back against his chest. The two of you slouched on a patio chair as he rubs lazy circles on your clit. The breeze feels amazing, ruffling your dress and blowing cool air on your heat. You’re leaned against him with your head turned towards his. Joel’s strong arm wrapped around your middle to keep you close. He kisses you slowly, sensually, swallowing your little whimpers. All the while brushing his thumb over your pelvis.

“It’s time,” he whispers against your ear.

You nod, feeling shivers traveling over your body. You’d be holding it as he teased you, but now the tremors feel more violent. 

“You gonna let go f’me? Paint me a pretty picture.” He gestures to the stone pavement below you. Despite being outside, the beautiful garden surrounding you adds some semblance of privacy. Its colorful array mixed with the outdoor atmosphere makes for the perfect lazy Saturday afternoon piss outside.

“S’okay, I got ya.” He pushes his thumb a little harder on your bladder while his middle and ring finger draw tight circles along your folds. You nod, biting your lips and forcing a steady breath out. It’s the hardest part for sure. It builds and builds and builds inside you. The pressure forcing your hips off of his every so often as you try to hold it in. 

No, he told you to relax. Stop flexing your walls to try to starve it off. You close your eyes, unwinding mentally and physically.

And it starts to happen.

A short, practice burst of urine shoots from your slit before trickling out again, slowly building up to a steady stream. 

“Oooohhhhhhh. There she is, that’s my good girl. My beautiful girl,” he hums with a grin. His presses his lips to yours. Joel’s hand kneads your pussy over your stream, rubbing your clit messily. Warm piss spills down his wrist and your ass, onto his jeans but he doesn’t care. He loves the sound of your interrupted hissing due to his movements. The pavement crackles as it splatters consistently like a pretty fountain waterfall. 

You sigh contently. It’s the best part, by far. You crack as smile and close your eyes again.

He laughs softly. “Ahhh that’s it, so good isn’t it? Making such a pretty mess, baby girl. You like peeing all over yourself n’ Daddy, I can tell. GO on, piss some more.”

You both watch from between your legs as you shoot a particularly strong jet, watching it arc over a sizable distance and landing on a dry part of the stones.

“Wow! Look at that, gettin so strong!” He rubs his palm over you quicker, the stream becoming splotched all over your dress and stomach. You both giggle and kiss once again. He drink your sexy noises as the two of you soak yourselves in hot liquid. 

“Ahhhh, baby, your squirtin’ pussy gets me so hard.” He grinds your ass along his harden length trapped underneath his jeans.

It doesn’t take much to read Joel Millers mind. All you’ve left are little trickles here and there of your piss. So you reach between your legs and pull his poor cock out.

“Mmmmm that’s better. Feeling’ that breeze on your pussy feels good on my dick too.” He lazily smirks as you start to fist him.

“Can I put it inside?” You ask.

“Got a better idea.”  He grips his cock and sits the two of you back a little more, now your heads propped up against the low back rest. He jerks himself a little, slapping your clit.

You jolt each time his tip smacks your clit. He kisses you between breaths, a game of cat and mouse as he chases your tongue.

“Pull those tits out,” he grunts.

You pull the neckline of your stretchy dress below your breasts just as Joel comes up to cup one. 

“M’gonna paint a pretty picture too. Ya ready f’me?”

You nod excitedly and spread your legs even wider for him. 

Joel grits his teeth, fisting himself a little before letting out a pained groan. His tip explodes in a fat stream of piss upwards, first hitting your clit then increasing up along your naval and to your breasts.

You giggle and squirm. The warm liquid feels amazing on your cool tits. It smacks your chest then trickles all down your front, soaking your dress and you in the process. 

His tongue is caught between his teeth as he moans drunkenly, watching you present yourself fuller for him to ruin with piss. 

“Feel that, baby? Daddy loves pissin’ on ya, such a beautiful thing f’me to paint.” “Thank you Daddy! Love your hot piss blanketing me.”

You cup your breasts and glide this tip to slot between your messy folds. His hot, strong stream of pee overwhelms you quickly, spreading down below you and starting to coat his sides and thighs. It’s so much. Way stronger, way more copious than yours was. The chair leaks so much urine, a puddle quickly forming below the two of you.

He starts to just hit your clit. The warm sensation, coupled with its pounding nature quickly sends you in a frenzy of quivers. He snatches your lips just as you begin to cum on his piss. You’re loud now too, forgoing the fact that your backyard can still be overheard by neighbors. Its beautiful. He wants to hoard all your sounds to himself. in time, you’ll be ready to piss yourself around others.

He’s just content covering you in his fluids for his eyes only for now.

When you finish, you pant heavily. He pecks your lips, refusing to let you part from his too much. The two of you are absolutely drenched, But you especially. Your pretty little sun dress now sticks awkwardly to your body, the neckline stretched below your wet tits.  

“My beautiful girl,” he hums again into your lips. 

His thick fingers begin to stroke between your petals once more.

 “Shall we try for round two?”

- - - -

Taglist: @harriedandharassed @lola8888673 @its-nebuleuse @zliteraturehoe @merz-8 @joeldjarin @pascalscoffin @pedroshotwifey @ghostslillady @innerpersonunknown @missladym1981 @mrsoharaxx @survivingandenduring @milla-frenchy @cockykookiee @fairytale07 @daddy-din @pedropascalsbbg @spookyxsam @somehopeatlast @millercontracting @pedrostories @mishala005 @theoraekenslover @animez96 @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @puduvallee @cassiecasluciluce @loohoop

[magicxc]

Toxic Traits

Pairings: Survey Corps x Black!Reader

Word Count: 1280

Warnings: none

A/N: I love a lil toxicity lol. This is the variety I was talking about earlier. From the mundane to the sexy and even the toxic. Everyone has their flaws, now let's explore what I think theirs is in a relationship. Tell me which trait you think matches their character the best. 

Its as the name suggests - toxic. No physical abuse or sexual deviance of the sort, but do proceed with caution or not at all if toxic-type themes aren’t your cup of tea.

Lastly, do note that I have a habit of modernizing these characters while keeping their stories true at its core lol. So if you see me mention trauma from titans and a range rover in the same sentence, just mind ya business.

Headcannons Masterlist

Eren - Jealous

You never knew what kind of day you were gonna get with Eren. Sometimes it’d be the best day ever and other times it’d be the worst. You make eye contact with some random man for a second too long? Clearly you want him. You’re paying for something and the hand of the cashier slides against yours during the transaction? Thats basically cheating because now you’ve hand fucked a stranger. You give a full frontal hug and not the, more appropriate, side hug to one of your male friends? You two must be fucking each other. As intense as Eren can be, you found that the pendulum swung both ways. He’d get down on his knees and worship the rain for nourishing the grass that you walked on should you ask for it, so it was hard to walk away when he got into his little fits. It was like a see-saw of emotions being in this relationship, the highs feeling ethereal and the lows leaving you distraught. You often wondered why you allowed Eren to get away with such behavior.

Levi - Possessive

It was like a double edged sword with this man. He was all for showing you off until someone's eyes wandered just a little too long, now he’s shoving his tongue to the deepest parts of your throat until they get the message. One time Connie complimented the shirt you were wearing which happened to be a low cut and exposed your chest; and Levi’s immediate response was to litter your skin in love bites. Anything to get the message across and let others know that you were a claimed woman. Cause Levi isn’t too much for the long talking and he would hate to see push come to shove for whichever poor bastard couldn't get the message. While you adored how much he loved you, being with him definitely got a little exhausting from time to time.

Erwin - Controlling

He’s a commander so he’s used to people following his orders without question. And while he isn’t always unreasonable, Erwin does expect you to take into consideration his every suggestion, and by consideration, he means do it. It can be as simple as styling your hair, cooking a certain meal, or saving your more risqué outfits for when he accompanies you. Though he phrases his demands politely you can't help but feel a little confused after every encounter; wondering how he’d talk you down on something you were so headstrong about. Thankfully he didn't ask for such outrageous requests, and you’ve since learned not to question it; for the last time you found yourself with a sore ass.

Connie - Petty/Blackmail 

Slippery slope this one. Pissed him off? Well now he’s taking the things you didnt realise were gone until you needed them. Shoelaces out of all the shoes, backs to your earrings, lightbulbs from each room. Not in the mood for sex? He may as well go get it elsewhere. You finally build up the courage to walk away from him. Well now your boss is about to find out exactly what that mouth do. Connie himself is unsure if he’d ever follow through with his more extreme threats since it always works out in the end. I guess it’s really only one way to find out and thankfully you’ve never been stupid enough to try it.

Jean - Obsessive

Jean doesn’t have a whole lotta chances at true love lowkey. First real crush paid him dust. His bestie died during training. And his other bestie died during a mission. Considering he’s one of the few people with the least traumatic childhood, I think he loses his shit at the idea of letting love slip away, because everyone somehow always ends up leaving him. Therefore he needs to know your every move, your daily routines, hours spent on a typical girls night out, mileage it takes to make sure that you’re going exactly where you said you were. You couldn’t sneeze without running it past Jean first. But life sure is easier now that he’s got a tracker on both your phone and car. It would raise the tension if you were to find out, he thinks, but what could you do about it really? 

Onyankopon - Arrogance. 

Mans can literally never be wrong and it’s super frustrating. It's like talking to a brick wall. He’s entertaining some girl who’s clearly flirting with him and suddenly you don’t know the meaning of friendship. You wanted pasta for dinner? Well he’s cooking soup because it’s heartier. You’re in the middle of an argument yet he’s only focusing on the minor details that are wrong in the story as opposed to the bigger picture overall. But it’s okay, cause he doesn’t mind working through these little hiccups with you. After all, where else would you go? Who else would love on you the way he does? Put up with your constant nagging? Only he would.

Reiner - Yandere

Not only was he never supposed to find love, but the idea of him finally finding it and almost losing it? Let's just say it doesn’t end too well for your dating prospects; and after a while Reiner makes it clear that it can end just as bad for you. Reiner is a sweetie pie and a devout lover when things are going great. But sometimes he gets to be a bit overbearing, and what was supposed to be a break between the both of you turned into him breaking some bones. The same ones that your friend dared try to comfort you with. Since then, the relationship has been as steady as it can be and you’ve been getting nothing but queen treatment, but at what cost?!

Armin - Dishonesty/Isolation Not a trait that raises too many red flags, until it does. Armin loves being around you. He considers you his best friend and has no qualms about you both spending literally 24/7 wrapped in each other’s arms. Though your friends were happy for you guys at first, it did raise a few eyebrows down the line. You both had gone from sharing similar interests to sharing an identical lifestyle. The same job, the same apartment, and the same friends all seemed to merge into one. But how could Armin help it when you were…well you. So what if a few phone calls from your homegirls to hang out went ignored or a few check in text messages from your family got deleted? Armin would claim to never know, see, or hear such a thing; and it’s usually the story he stuck to. But should you ever question him further, he’d find a way to put your mouth to better use, dick stuffed so far back until you forgot what had you so upset with him in the first place.

Floch - Manipulation 

Any time you get mad at him, he becomes the king of gaslightery. Floch went all day without sending so much as a text message? Well he worked a double to put food on the table. Valentine's day passed and he didn't get you any flowers? He doesn’t need a holiday to show you how much he loves you. You want to wait a while before tying the knot? Now you're using him for all he's got and wasting his time. Very rarely did Floch get nasty in his insults or the manner in which he manipulated you. In fact, they were always followed by a soft voice, gentle touches, and a redeeming act. So how could you stay mad at him when he was truly trying his best to build a great lifestyle for you both. 

[dirtythirtyfest]

Need some inspiration for your fic or art? Check out the prompt suggestions below the read more!

To submit prompts, find the prompt submission post here!

Questions or problems? send me an ask!

Harry's friends hire him a stripper for his birthday party!! Louis shows up in a sexy fireman uniform and sets Harry's heart alight.

Harry gets a virtual reality experience for his birthday and decides to experience what it's like to be pregnant

There's no better time to ask to get pissed on than your dirty thirtieth birthday, is there?

Harry only has one wish for his birthday, to get his boys back together for one last orgy before he turns 30. Just like they used to have back in the day.

Harry and Louis are flight attendants and FWB. Harry is keeping quiet about his birthday because he doesn't want to run the risk of being disappointed by Louis not making a fuss. At midnight local time, somewhere over the Pacific Ocean, he turns thirty. Louis remembered, and does indeed want to make a fuss (in the relative privacy of the bathroom).

Just once, Harry would like to be able to go to a sex party without being recognized. He gets his wish. How this happens and what he does there is up to the author.

Harry's birthday request is to come so many times he forgets his own name. His friends help him get there. (A dark fic would be great, as would a fun, sexy, consensual orgy fic)

Harry spends the day leading up to his surprise party dropping increasingly passive aggressive hints, thinking that his boyfriend Louis has actually forgotten his birthday!

Omegaverse: Harry finds a way to sync his heat/rut to his mate's so that they can bond on his birthday. Non-traditional pairings (A/A, O/O, or any pack combo) are ok.

Harry's boyfriend finds his secret stash of lingerie/niche sex toys/highly specific porn and plans a birthday surprise

a/b/o universe, omega harry gets a birthday gift from friends which is an all paid luxury cruise for him to really start his 30’s off right, (would love a knows he’s sexy and maybe a little sassy ) harry who meets (very Alpha and super sexy louis (a bonus point if it’s the peaky blinders haircut louis goddd) ) and they just hit it off immediately and the attraction is so insane and somehow gives him the best fucking of his life for his birthday/whole time they’re on the cruise like i’m thinking harry riding louis but only using the motion of the BOAT come onnnnnn anyway harry having the best sex of his life those 2 weeks for his birthday is the end goal here lol

harry’s 30th bday he goes to a strip club where he gets to save a horse by riding cowboy louis :’)))))) after niall is like HEY ITS MY FRIENDS BDAY HAHA , first just simulated onstage but then they meet up later after cuz WHY NOT yolo harry thinks and that guy had a huge dick (confirmed lol) to do the real thing and harry gets to ride louis’s dick into the sunset, after having wonderful filthy birthday sex of course! some major harry appreciation pls :)

it’s secretary harry’s birthday, he woke up feeling fucking great and is ready for the start of his day! he goes into work, always dresses very free you know, and today decides to wear the slutty gucci skirt (YOU KNOW THE ONE) and his silver fox boss louis takes IMMEDIATE notice and like they’ve always had this tension right but the two are nothing but professional! just flirty enough you know >:) but all hell breaks loose this day and then louis gives harry the best birthday of his life, im talking 30 spanks, im talking about harry being bent over the desk getting fucked so hard it might break and THEN im talking pearl necklace (but then also a real one after the whole thing as a real present to match the sexy one louis just gave him shiftosnfoee and sure they fall in love)

shy harry trying to step into his sexiness and accepting himself decides to have a lil photo shoot done for his 30th birthday and enlists best friend louis (or zayn ehehe) to help him out and said helper is like yeah why not??? NOT KNOWING harry plans to have a very Sexy photo shoot with plenty of skirts and heels and lingerie and glitter and are those handcuffs??? clearly they didn’t know what they were getting into but ALRIGHT and harry just really like embraces the being sexy SO sexy and harry just does everything he’s directed to do and it’s so hot that after they’re done they have some of the best sex of harry’s life as he deserves lmao

Harry's 30th birthday wish is to be turned into a vampire, and it comes true :) also this means vampire sex! (girl direction would be amazing but anything is ok)

Harry visits a glory hole and gets to experience it from both sides

girl direction: 30 birthday spankings? too boring! Harry decides to gather 30 of her closest friends and have them unleash their wildest kinks and fetishes on her. go WILD, please-- no holds barred.

sub h x dom louis trying 30 new things in the leadup to his birthday or on the day of his bday things like new positions, new toys, nipple play,lingerie

Harry attends an orgy and shyly admits to a guy who hits on him that it's his birthday, and that he wants to be used by multiple partners. The guy grins and asks if Harry knows what that's called, and tells him he's a pass around party bottom. (Inspired by Andy Cohen calling Anderson Cooper on NYE.) Then he makes it happen for Harry.

something based on the fire hydrant shirt harry has worn..

harrys birthday show louis had wrecked him the morning of and left him very sensitive for the show the tassels keep brushing his sore nipples and butt plug making it hard to dance performs medicine very slutty rest up to author

girl direction for her birthday, harry asks louis to wreck her and specifically asks to make her squirt for the first time

[running-with-the-feels]

okay, yall, the existence of MK1 is pissing me off again, not bc it's bad necessarily, bc it does introduce a lot of interesting concepts and character dynamics, but bc I don't think there was really a need for another re-boot and NRS imploding their continuity (again) makes it really hard to get invested in their characters bc I know they're just gonna get reset after a handful of games that don't even really give them satisfying character arcs and it annoys me that MK11 was used pretty much solely to set that up rather than paying off the character arcs and conflicts I was invested in (like the revenants)

That being said, here are my ideas fr what MK11 could have been that didn't end in a reboot

Another tournament, Havik is the main antagonist of the MKX blood ties comics and all he wands is endless and eternal chaos so have him declare Mortal Kombat between Earthrealm and Chaosrealm. This lets us see the kombat kids face what their parents did and also lets us see how characters react to the idea of another thousand year war. Bc Havik is Havik, you can even have him get impatient and do a rule change like Shao Khan did if you want to avoid having to carry that story into the next game. Plus, Kuai Liang, Takeda, and Hanzo have beef (and some trauma) related to Havik so you can play around with that. You can use this to bring back a lot of old characters too, and even add some new ones (not Kronika she was annoying and pointless and could have been replaced by a necklace without really affecting the story all that much, she's only just Barely not whatever the non sexy version of a sexy lamp is)

Or, if you're really attached to the idea of characters interacting with their past selves (Fair, its a really cool idea) Have the elder gods sense some looming threat on the horizon and declare a trial for Earthrrealm's defenders to ensure that they are ready. Maybe Raiden protests, bc the trial used to train champions until he saw too many die to it so he abandoned it which gives us a reason to like him. But the the defenders have to go through various challenges, one of which is facing down and coming to terms with their past selves, which lets us see this concept used more and with more characters (which is good, bc it was a Good Idea!) and creates the interesting possibility of having a trial ending as well as a tower ending so you can have other characters who aren't in story mode do this too. To add stakes, you could have the gods offer a boon (heh) to whoever completes the trial where they will do them one favor, so then you can have Hanzo want to resurrect his family and clan, Kuai Liang want to resurrect his brother and then they work together to do it only to find out that the boon only goes to whoever completed the trial first so they fight about it, each trying to offer it to the other out of guilt, which helps solidify how close the two are now and how far their friendship has become

Or, if you really wanna do timeline fuckery, just have a handful of characters get tossed into another timeline bc of the revenants and need to find their way home. You can have them meet their alt selves and you can introduce new concepts and character dynamics, without destroying the ones we know and love as the characters will eventually go home in the end. You could even have the characters get tossed into different timelines, so Subscorp in one, Cageblade in another, the kombat kids somewhere else, and watch them each navigate that and try to find one another to get home. Maybe each timeline has a piece of whatever artifact sent them to the different timeline and they all need to find the pieces and their alt selves either help or hinder.

DARK RAIDEN, why go through all the effort to set that up (especially when it makes So Much Sense for his character) only to do nothing with it? Have the amulet corrupt him beyond what the defenders can tolerate so they all make a plan in secret to recover something that will fix him and then trap him so they can use it on him, maybe leading to the revenants getting fixed and revived or even just allying with Earthrealm temporarily in order to get revenge on the god. Then, once they've fixed Raiden the revenants could try to kill him leading to a battle between them and the defenders.

Or, again, if timeline fuckery is your jam, send a handful of characters back into the past, either to MK9 (which might not work as NRS technically already did that) or before, or hell even mkx. Then you have the characters trying to navigate getting back to their time only to come into conflict bc some of them (Kuai Liang, Hanzo, probs Kung Jin) want to change things so their loved ones live or better choices are made and others (Johnny, Sonya, maybe even Cassie) want to keep them the same so that their lives take the same path, AND you can have them interacting with their past selves in some really interesting ways

Similarly, that same idea, but instead of the present selves getting knocked back to Meet their past selves, they just get tossed back into their past self's bodies with no idea what's going on. So then they're all separated and trying to figure out how they got here and what to do next with each getting different pieces of the puzzle. This lends itself to some really interesting character moments bc can you imagine Kuai Liang waking up in the Old Lin Kuei again? Can you imagine how terrifying and triggering that would be for him? Or Hanzo waking up in the Shirai Ryu before the attack, able to actual save his family (whether he succeeds or not both have interesting potential)? Or Kung Lao at MK9 suddenly remembering dying in the arena (in a truly stupid way like you're telling me Raiden saw SHAO FUCKING KHAN walk up behind the guy who just beat some of his best warriors and is gloating about it and just decided not to say anything? Just assumed the LITERAL TYRANT had innocent intentions? Come on. Either I'm supposed to like Raiden, in which case GIVE ME A FUCKING REASON TOO, or I'm not in which case stop pretending he's a saint.) and being a revenant and having to navigate that?

Idk, this is probably just rambling nonsense but I needed to get the ideas out so here ya go. I might think of more later and add them, so apologies in advance

[theseasasleep]

Story of Kunning Palace E03 (semi-live reaction)

So, it's our heroine's fate to always be crushed on by the spoiled Princess? LOL

There's no way a young woman who climbed all the way to Empress can avoid most of the path to that fate. In most of the webnovels of this type I've read, reaching that type of pinnacle means you have a fate with it, regardless of the ultimate outcome. The best Xue Ning can do is flip the script on circumstances while doing her best to skirt around the thornier aspects of future events.

1st Life: the Princess thinks back to her first encounter with Xue Ning with humiliation, embarrassment and rage

2nd Life: the Princess will think back on their first encounter with pride, happiness and warmth

So far so good. Although I totally get why she'd want to avoid tangling with a temperamental royal who she had a terrible experience with.

...

I really like how this show is shot. Sometimes you never know with cdramas if you'll get a cheap or pedestrian directing style or a dramatic and/or compelling one.

...

The show is still building its foundations and I'm just so eager to jump into the action!

*fight sequence starts 1 minute later* AND HERE WE GO!

Dude is more pissed off by the damaged qin strings than the assassination attempt! HA!

Xue Ning, as hostage: *minimize connections to minimize involvement* Mr. Hostage-taker, sir, I know Xie Wei only through the grapevine...

Xie Wei: MISS XUE NING, PLEASE DON'T SELL OUR CONNECTION SO SHORT! YOUR FATHER AND I ARE GREAT FRIENDS! IN FACT, YOU ARE MY LIFE SAVIOR!

Xue Ning:

...

Take me instead.

Mmm. Something about the silky oomph with which he said that line combined with his expression... Okay, okay, Zhang Ling He. It took three episodes but you got me: the character of Xie Wei is now officially attractive to me. All he had to do was low key deliver a line that just vibrates with high key threat.

Man, what era are my hormones in? Between finding my mojo over one ML threatening to tear an offensive man's tongue out and fixing my posture when this one is nothing but velvet menace, I need a name for it. I need to know. Should I be worried? Scared? Aroused?

oh. oh. he's so sexy... okay, now you're just showing off; put the murderous sexiness away

Not this man calling her out, leaving her neither a fissure to hide in or a crumb for modesty!

I... I can't wait until he's incandescently in love with her because I just know, I just know it will be so magnificent I won't know what to do with myself.

Girl, while you are absolutely right to defend your current relationship with Yan Lin and right to say it is a flirtation that is undeserving of such rude scrutiny... you (and us) know that man speaks no lies. You are trifling with Yan Lin and you would have done him plenty of harm without the benefit of literal 20/20 hindsight.

That being said, I see @dangermousie point: kicking off a relationship trying to gin up, stoke and maintain fear in the other party is an excellent way to receive future comeuppance in the form of watching the woman you desperately love side-eye you as she lavishes protection and support on her other suitors.

...

I like Yan Lin. Not too sorry to say that. Hopefully Life No. 2 keeps him off the rapist track.

It's nice seeing Xue Ning enjoying festivities. The impression I have of her first life self is that while she reveled in being "wild", she likely didn't really allow herself to enjoy being young and with friends, too busy being hungry.

Dear. God. That seamless transition from earnest Yan Lin in Life No. 2 waxing poetic about his first impressions of Xue Ning to embittered Yan Lin in Life No. 1 waxing poetic about his first impressions of Xue Ning with the exact. same. words. Add to it the implied threat of sexual violence in LIfe No. 1!!!

Chills.

*gagging* Did I say I like Yan Lin? Show, it's going to be hard for me to keep that opinion if you keep flashing back to that.

Me during the Life No. 2 Ning x Yan kiss scene:

I want no part of it.

All right, dude, are you telling me you raped her because she plain text told you she planned to marry someone who could help her achieve her goals?! She didn't sell you out to the devil... Or refuse to shelter either you or wounded family members... but because when you were at your lowest, like the bitch she admittedly is... was..., she told you the truth and cut ties? I mean, that's reason enough not to warn her a coup is coming for her ass in Life No. 1. There's no reason for rape, ever; even if she lit your dog on fire, you can't rape her. Just WTF, guy?!

...

Not that it excuses any of her horrid behavior but I can see how lonely Xue Ning is in what should be her familial home. That cozy scene between her parents and half-sister where in her absence there is only affection and warmth and in her presence, only awkwardness and discomfort.

She lived a childhood in poverty and exile being spoken and looked down upon; returned to her parents' home to find herself being shunted as second-born (in an era where hierarchy matters) and defective instead of receiving proper homecoming. I can see why the attraction of her sole dream, her ultimate goal - becoming Empress - would become all-consuming, especially if such a dream sustained her in exile and fueled her defiance at home.

...

Oh, jesus christ, Yan Lin, don't be an idiot! Don't believe in an enemy soldier during wartime, like...?!

...

So Xue Ning might have accidentally sold Yan Lin out to the devil.

But in her defense, that wasn't her intention. Just to watch him. Like a politics-minded creeper.

Me to Ning as she reads her former coachman cum spy to filth: GET HIM.

[whosyourcreepyunclenow]

alright, for some reason this exists. not quite aware about your boundaries, so I'm obligated to warn: this content may not be suitable for some readers

warnings: smut, ust, non-conish dub-con(?), toxic crap, sad silly nonsense, probably weird english

was written to a nice song though

(it's pov Michael but I can only write in second person, so imagine yourself a depressed middle-aged man and go ahead)

It’s supposed to be a fucking jinx, doesn’t it? Just how you missed the old times few crazy weeks ago, so much you hate ‘em now. And of course, hate yourself for missing ‘em, like it somehow brought back that wild crap right into your present day. What a joke.

Memories should remain memories. To indulge yourself in a good old shitty nostalgia, to dive headlong into that abyss again and get off scot-free. Your personal paradise of fun where the heart trembles, the night's still young, and the bullet in your shoulder doesn’t bother like a real one. No bruises from recoil, no shortness of breath. You’re the sharpest shooter, Mikey, the clearest mind, you always make the right decisions.

Such a calming little lie to fool yourself you could be better than this. Not just a drunk old loser, feeling sorry for himself, but a drunk old loser with history, which you wisely choose to left behind and move forward. You were a terrible person, you still are. However even a terrible person needs something to be proud of.

And there must be no way for that special something to become more than just a back door to escape reality. No fucking way.

The old days taste like nauseating warm beer and smell like piss. Stained with blood, sweat and cum, sound like annoyingly loud swearing and crunch of broken glass. It was a lot easier to forget their true colors, so you gladly forgot, leaving the only ones suitable for a proper melancholic reminiscence. You know, ain’t nothing wrong with romanticizing the past. The trouble begins when you're starting regret things. Oh man, you should never trust your memories, they’re such fabulists…

Another bottle became a pile of trash for Patricia to clean up. Not sure how obvious but you kinda hate her for no reason, just along for the ride. She could tidy up this rubbish dump for days, it’ll never get clean. She could call him good, kind, mature or whatever, he’ll never stop being himself. And neither will you.

Trying to steady the swaying room, you stabilize its dirty walls with your hands, occasionally grabbing a poster girl’s ass, she doesn’t get offended. The next one even deserved a slight slap, as if you weren’t already horny enough – to even feel the seductive warmth of skin through the faded paper and sincerely enjoy that little illusion of touch. Same 'bout an illusion of privacy behind the flimsy folding door you keep closed anyway.

At least he doesn’t mind. Being asleep and completely wasted, the only thing his doped body’s still capable of is snoring. Lying on his back, with his arms and legs spread out, in that smelly stretched briefs, he’s utterly disgusting and sexy at the same time.

Well, in the old days you wouldn’t think twice. But it ain’t the old days.

So you just carelessly shoved him aside and fell down with your face in the pillow, warm and wet from his oily hair. Took a deep breath. Fucking awful as always. He murmured something unintelligible, then turned on his stomach too, but faced to the other side. You don’t look at him either.

“Forget any idea ‘bout molesting me, pork chop. Or I’ll get sober and shove a grenade into your butt, you hear me?”

Feels like you’d blow up his butt right now, without any other tools except your own. Why the hell.

“You really flatter yourself, T. Like… greatly.”

Still somehow managed to keep your voice smooth, though the stupid nervous smirk makes it a bit softer. You swallowed hard, throwing the fuck out of your mind that nostalgic bullshit ‘bout using your saliva in a more efficient way. There was times when your fingers woulda been doing their job already, now they simply clenched into a fist, crumpling a checkered blanket. Those times have passed long ago.

“We both know you ain’t too picky.”

Is he taunting or just mocking you? Any mistake could be unreasonably costly in a lot of senses.

“Yeah, maybe.”

The catch is you ain’t even confident about yourself anymore, face it. Desire is enormous, the foretaste drives you crazy – hey, when was the last time you felt so aroused by someone? Or just aroused without any fucking reason, like in your twenties, but still aroused as fuck? Though it doesn’t mean that need can be satisfied, since any little bullshit’s enough to ruin the feeling and turn you off like a broken switch. So you hate yourself again and hate your body, hate your deceptive mind, hate your everything.

Guess getting old is a great excuse for losing interest, yeah? At least it works for Amanda and your other whores who demand from you much more than you're capable of. But the truth is you haven’t ever lost interest, you’ve just become more… picky? Or egoistic. Or less randomly horny for pretty things or simply tired from imitating it – that’s what they usually call sexual problems.

Resumed snoring let you know that T’s asleep again. So alright, you can continue feeling pity for yourself until the morning. The only thing you can do as long as you want.

Or there’s another option. Weirdly compromise, still crazy. Hence exciting.

You cautiously turned on your back and glanced at him to check, as if the obvious sound was not enough. Part of you treacherously want him to wake up at the worst moment possible, but clearly not yet. Man, what the fuck are you doing…

Quietly unbuckled your belt and unzipped your pants, suddenly worrying. Years ago it was his thing to masturbate on you sleeping, what always felt confusing when you caught him doing that. As if you were jealous of him to himself and somehow got offended, what a dumbass. Didn’t realize that every opportunity to touch someone you wanna touch is a treasure.

And now you’re casually squeezing your cock, remembering his. You jerked him half-ass mechanically, roughly, without giving a single fuck about his pleasure, the only one that really mattered was your own. Of course you tried to make it less obvious, but it was obvious – you were awful. And he loved you awful. More than anyone.

“Fuck, Trevor…”

Can’t help but whispering, not expecting to be heard. Your handjob is a lot better when you’re staring at his sweaty back, fighting the urge to remove these shitty briefs. Ain’t no even need to screw, you may climax just from looking at his naked ass.

It's almost perfect time for him to wake up and punch you. Almost.

Luckily, he doesn’t. Even when you’ve finally lost your damn mind and pull off his underwear, then predicably realized you need more than looking. And holy fuck… this was your last meaningful conclusion.

Quite unable to mess around, you got to the point, eagerly lubing up your cock with saliva and pushing apart his buttocks, barely maintaining a sense of reality… With all these toys he regularly shoves in himself, you thought it would be easier, but his hole just doesn’t let you in. So you spat on your fingers once more and smeared on his tight entrance, then tried again. He’s already disturbed enough to start moaning and lazily fidget, but not fully awake yet.

“Hey, T… You wanted the old me? You’ll get him.”

Finally, he howled when you pushed yourself inside, probably too fast. Ain’t exactly how things should be done, you was merely trying to avoid that awkward pause between “I wanna fuck you” and “I’m actually fucking you” stages. Just can’t deal with that clarifying relationships shit, not fucking now…

“FUCK!”

Alright, he woke up. And he’s trying to shove you out, if only you hadn’t held his bottom like a fucking lifeline.

“Am I shitting? Feels like a big turd’s stuck in my butt… Not so big, actually.”

“Hi to you too, Trevor.”

It’s so tense here like he’s trying to bit off your manhood with his anus and chew it. And maybe a little dry, yet not enough for him to lament.

“Remember what I said ‘bout molesting me, sugar?”

You spread out his cheeks slightly, conciliatory massaging them to appease, but he keeps struggling. It’s easier to lay down and put your weight upon him, bury yourself even deeper, softly mutter into his neck.

“C'mon, T, let me love you…”

He smells attractively horrible, alluring your lips to fondle his skin with short kisses. He tastes salty.

“It’s not fucking LOVE, you dick! It’s taking advantage!”

“Call it whatever you like.”

You thrust in him slowly, knead his hips with all tender affection you can muster, what the fuck else does he want? Alright, it ain’t really convenient now but lift him a bit to play with his boy too, and this time do it right… Oh please, just make sure to do it right.

God, he’s hard. He’s hard and hot like hell, goddammit…

“No! Just, NO I said! And pull your junk outta me!”

So this moron just slapped your hand, shoved it away and wriggled out from under your body, making you both highly unpleasant. Fucking great!

He got up, swaying and shaking, put up his briefs back on and somehow fixed his boner. Still doesn’t look at your face, though he’s not the only who hesitates. After all, you have no damn idea what went wrong or what he wanted you to do. From your perspective it felt as good as it could be, unspeakably good.

“Oh seriously, what’s the problem?”

Crap, he clearly didn’t like the question.

“What’s the problem?! WHAT’S THE FUCKING PROBLEM you asking?!”

“Yes, what’s the fucking problem!”

Fuck it. He finally turned and faced you, with so much desperate hate in his eyes that you went numb. Like everything what happened was so terribly wrong he could never forgive. Like you hurt him in ways you can’t even imagine.

“Listen… Right now, I’m making incredible efforts to not kill you, Michael,” his voice got menacingly quiet, yet notes of deeply rising anger strive to break through. “If that ain’t A PROBLEM to you, guess what I’d be doing with your corpse!”

Shit, he’s so fucking fine when he’s mad. Scary to realize, you’d probably rape him, if only he wasn’t a lot stronger, even with a such hangover. Or perhaps what you’ve already done can be as well considered as a sexual violence – of course, how else. So you’re a rapist now. Congratulations, pal.

“A-right, I got it,” but you’re still a human, who has his goddamn feelings too. “Go fuck yourself then.”

That treacherous, suicidal part of you expected him to react – in any way. He could punch you, slam you against the wall, chock you, shove a fucking grenade into your ass, rape you in revenge. You want him to do fucking anything, you just want him. Desperately.

Hastily zipping up your pants, slide open the door and leave. Patricia’s asleep on the coach or pretending being asleep. Who cares.

When harrowing horniness finally let you go, thirst hit. So bad you’d dry up the Alamo Sea despite its saltiness and ask for more. You bursted into a bathroom, opened the tap at full and drunk greedily from your palms until you felt sick, but couldn’t bring yourself to vomit. The water was muddy, rusty and smelled like sewer, lovely taste of a childhood. Lastly, you washed your face and turned to the broken mirror.

Of course, you’re miserable. Fat old fool with shadows under his eyes, saggy skin and smoky teeth. So what goddamn hopes you had for yourself? He might like that perfect old you, young and handsome, everyone’s blue-eyed boy. Oh, you were hot back in the day, admit it.

You were something to jerk on. Now you ain’t even someone to drunkenly fuck.

So go outside, get in the car. Find yourself the ugliest, the dopest hooker and blow your load into her stretched ass to chill out. Kill some strangers, if doesn’t help, trash someone’s car, rob a store. No other entertainment in this fucking nowhere.

[arvensimp]

Not a request! I just wanted to talk about the boy. I kept thinking abt Arven when listening to Everything She Wants by Wham. Not because I think hed relate but because he'd probably hate the song to the core. It was probably reminiscent of his parents' dynamic with each other. That and George Michael would be a great voicecast for Arven cause retro guys with blonde hair and a dramatic air to them??? Cmon!!!! I just know he has a smooth voice. Its not soft or inaudible either, I just think his voice would be a little breathy and velvety. Not to mention if you heard those noises wantonly oh arceus

OOOOO I like this. Again I still think j groff is the best fancast but I can absolutely hear George Michael!!!

Also leave it to THE catbed0 to inspire me to write. This is small and dumb but I hope it makes someone laugh.

Thoughtless Murmuring

Arven x reader, arven pissed you off and he's gonna try to do something about it. No gendered pronouns used to describe reader

"Hey! Hey, over here!" Nemona waved frantically from her booth in the corner of the bar as you and Arven entered.

The moment you saw her, you turned and made a beeline to her, completely disregarding your boyfriend who seemed to unsuccessfully reach for your hand.

You plopped down into the booth with a huff, displeasure evident on your features.

"What's got you upset?" Penny asked as she sipped from her drink.

"Don't wanna talk about it." You retorted, biting back most of your current frustration.

Nemona and Penny shared a look between them for a long moment before shrugging and letting the subject drop, so they could return to their previous conversation.

Just being near them helped dissipate some of your anger, and slowly you began to relax and join in.

That is, until Arven returned from the bar, a drink in each hand. One for himself and one for you.

You took the glass without a word or a look, and promptly went back to ignoring him, much to his dismay.

"So..." Nemona asked, trying to keep things cordial. "Think you're up for karaoke tonight?"

You rolled your eyes at the thought. "Absolutely not. No one ever sounds good doing karaoke anyw-"

"Up next," The DJ interrupted you over the speaker. "We have...Arven! Come on up, Arven! Your song is queued and ready to go!"

You let your head fall into your crossed arms on the table with an exaggerated groan as your boyfriend gave Nemona and Penny a grin, standing to go over to the karaoke stage.

He took the microphone in his hands and nodded to the DJ. Only then did the music begin, a saxophone solo reverberating through the bar.

Arven crooned the opening melisma before the lyrics began in earnest. True to form, he didn't sound exactly like the original artist (how could he anyway without a studio? Karaoke isn't fair.), but he did a good enough impersonation that folks nearby shouted their approval.

He sang a line about taking your hand and leading you to the dance floor, going as far as to leave the stage, mic in hand, to reach for you, but you huffily turned away, not playing his stupid game.

Arven wasn't deterred, continuing to sing through the chorus, lamenting that he'll never dance again due to his guilt.

Through the instrumental breaks, the crowd cheered him into dancing those stupid dances his does in the kitchen sometimes, where he sways his hips in a rocking kind of motion that's anything but sexy, but with this song? Ugh. What a fucking ham.

You hid your face again, having momentarily forgotten your anger while watching him.

Nemona and Penny were both enraptured by the performance as Arven belted out lyrics meant just for you about how he'll never get over his guilt.

The crowd yelled for more as the music eventually faded, and Arven took his bow, returning the mic to its stand.

He slid back into the booth next to you, jostling you playfully. "C'mon... You can't be that mad after a performance like that."

"Really!" Nemona agreed enthusiastically. "What'd he do anyway that's got you so pissy?"

You grumbled into your arms.

"What was that?" Nemona asked. "Speak up."

"He stole my fucking garlic bread."

---

(if it wasn't abundantly obvious, this is the song he sang lmao)

[variousqueerthings]

Time can be rewritten...

Angels In Manhattan, Amy and Rory goodbye. this is a... difficult one to rank. it may or may not make sense. Amy and Rory work better or worse depending on whether you've excised parts of previous seasons. it's kind of a... simple way to go in a sense, but is that good? (and yes, in classic!who sometimes companions would be written out between seasons, but I always assumed M*ffat would try to outdo everyone by being more tragic than anything before)

also this interesting post by @brilliantfantasticgeronimo that at the end talks about laws of time and how and when and why they're broken or upheld in terms of timestreams. things to think about going into this one, but luckily there's a handy-dandy ratings system

sexism rank objectification (female character is ogled/harassed/turned into a sex joke by the doctor and/or a lead we’re supposed to root for and/or the camera): 6/10

sexism rank plot-point (lead female character is only there to serve plot, not to have her emotional interiority explored): 5/10

interesting complex or pointlessly complex (does the complexity serve the narrative or does it just serve to be confusing as a stand-in for smart, this includes visually): 3/10

furthers character and/or lore and/or plot development (broader question that ties into the previous ones, at least two of these, ideally three should be fulfilled): 3/10

companion matters (the companion doesn’t always have to be there, but if the companion is there, can they function without the doctor– and overall per season how often is the companion the focus or POV of the story): 3/10

the doctor is more than just “godlike” (examines the doctor’s flaws and limitations, doesn’t solve a plot by having it revolve entirely around the doctor’s existence): 7/10

doesn’t look down on previous doctor who (by erasing or mocking its importance, by redoing and “bettering” previous beloved plotpoints or characters, etc.): 6/10

isn’t trying to insert hamfisted sexiness (m*ffat famously talked a lot about how dw should be sexier multiple times, he sucks at writing it): 6/10

internal world has consistency (characters have backgrounds, feel rooted in a place with other people, generally feel like they have Lives): 2/10

Politics (how conservative is the story): 6/10

FULL RATING: 47/100 (if I can count….)

not the lowest a M*ffat episode's gotten. I think mainly it's just a bit... there. and I cannot help compare it to The God Complex, which is one of the two highest rated episodes of this era and manages much the same thing in a more cohesive way

OBJECTIFICATION: on the whooole considering River Song is in this one, it's mostly okay after the first few minutes

we do get some shit in the beginning: "My lipstick was combat ready and I was packing cleavage that could fell an ox at twenty feet" which the Doctor is... into? as a description? he doesn't even know it's River Song at this point, he just likes the description for some reason

but yeah, mostly it's okay. River is a femme fatale in a detective novel called "melody malone" but it's fine on the whole

PLOT-POINT: there's this bit where Amy reads a bit from the book River wrote in the past, and the Doctor is like "Now that you've read this it has to happen," and it turns out that the line (why do you have to break that) is a reference to River's wrist as she tries to get free from an angel

and it's this sort of theme of the episode, it's been read, it must happen, buuuut the Doctor could have just... not broken her wrist, according to this logic, right? it didn't say "and then River Song's wrist was broken" it just said that bit of line (and then "because Amy read it in a book...")

my point here is that then the Doctor gets really pissed off because it means something bad will definitely happen. he reads a chapter title called "Amy's Last Farewell" and it sends him into a rage -- (sidenote, Matt Smith's Doctor is the only Doctor I've seen so far where his kind of anger makes me very uncomfortable, that's subjective, but he comes across as An Angry Man sometimes and I'm not a fan of that) and instead of helping River out of the angel he tells her to figure it out herself in a way that doesn't break her wrist

she pretends she manages it and the Doctor is happy, until he realises she lied, and her wrist is broken and then he fixes it using time energy and she slaps him (we'll get to that in a minute) and Amy treats it as a "you just don't understand Womens" moment and then goes out to comfort River, asking why she lied

TO WHICH River replies: never let him see the damage, and never let him see you age

and this is just. peak River in the grand narrative once again. walking on eggshells around this rather petulant child in terms of the writing, and I'm meant to understand her feelings as anything other than "I was brainwashed as a kid to be obsessed with this guy and now I cannot break out of the programming" (which to be fair could be interesting, if it was done on purpose and not... by M*ffat)

and this also plays into Amy, who has since gotten reading glasses and "lines around her eyes," and it's this thing that's come up a lot in this iteration, that the Doctor has serious Peter Pan syndrome, but it's never been more textual than in this era

point being, Amy is the recipient of this line, but Amy isn't really narratively engaging with this. Amy could have let go of the Doctor ages ago, and in fact in the last episode the Doctor is saying that it's clear he needs her a lot more than the other way around... so why are we bringing this up now? what is it doing here? what is it saying about Amy or even River tbh, who's been in the form of a middle-aged woman most of the time we've known her and also at the end of the episode flat out refuses the Doctor's offer to travel with him for... no real reason

there's just a lot of quite uneven writing here that feels like it's trying to put together last-minute connections that don't belong there, and they're not in service of River or Amy, but to further hammer home that The Doctor Is Basically An Eternal Child Who Feels Bad

also this: When one’s in love with an ageless god who insists on the face of a twelve year old one does ones best to minimise the damage (at the Doctor, before he heels her wrist)... fascinating lampshading of all the seemingly very sexy flirting (including in this episode) River and The Doctor do... it's almost enough to make them interesting, in the sense that yeah, sometimes loving the Doctor means a different gender, different skin colour, different external-looking age, short, tall, thin, fat, etcetc

of course it's not really doing much with that, it's just another thrown out there line that feels like it's going "I know I know Matt Smith looks like a baby next to Alex Kingston and they have no chemistry, but stop complaining about it!!!" it's almost deep but not quite

COMPLEXITY: so the thing about the angels is that M*ffat invented them, right? and then he brought them back again, and now he's brought them back for a third time (feat. statue of liberty)

but way back in the very first episode of them a few things were established

. the angels feed on temporal energy -- sending someone back in time to live out their days . Martha and the Doctor are sent back in time, but with the Tardis aren't stuck there . they can be defeated by making them look at each other (or, I imagine but have never seen confirmed, with a sledge-hammer)

I think that's it pretty much. (sidenote, I heard that M*ffat didn't come up with "make them look at each other" and had no idea how to finish the episode, but that it's Gatiss idea? would have to search to confirm, but ooh, not-even-a-conspiracy -- would explain why M*ffat didn't ever bring it back, although he's not brought back his own Stuff on occasion as well)

so does M*ffat continue on the throughline of the angels? well, we know he doesn't because in s5 we saw them moving, which was a shame, considering the fun filmic idea that the camera in s3 functioned as another eye.

ah well, does the apartment make sense?

soooort of? I'm confused about logistics like... food. which may seem pedantic, but I feel like it's one of the many things that makes it hard to suspend my disbelief

I also realised that it sort of hinted that this whole set-up was very bad no good and was making time all squiggly, because of so many temporal mishaps, but it didn't go into it enough for it to feel like it was anything but a quick handwavy explanation for why you should keep suspending your disbelief no matter what happens, and still doesn't explain... the statue of liberty

almost had me with it, thinking this was why the statue of liberty was there because it was meant to be wrong, but actually no it doesn't make sense and worse, it doesn't need to be there, so that's... that

mmm, angel in a graveyard, I guess, but the thing that is a thing. The Thing. is yes, the angels are scary in a sense (so scary to Amy that she thought one of the spooky rooms in The God Complex with angels in them was for her), but arguably (subjectively) they were good villains because of their one-off appearance. do something kinda spooky and never try to explain more, leave it there as a little ooooh

bring it back over and over and you have to start getting into proper lore and you're Thing has to be strong enough to be able to hold that pressure, and to be honest. the angels aren't a good choice for that. they're very unwieldy when you get too close to them as concepts, especially when you start to pile a whole bunch of them into one tower block

New York, city that never sleeps, I get it, single line going "it's because everyone is secretly afraid of spooky things and so an eye has to be open at all times" eh but it's not quite enough

lot of sets for no reason, we could have cut the evil rich guy, he's not important to the story

and of course, the crux... why can't the Doctor just pick up Amy and Rory from the past? written in stone? my guy, you were declared dead for the whole of last season! again, I kind of get what's happening here, but it's kind of "inventing new rules for the plot" rather than established story rules informing the plot

the more you think about this episode, the more it doesn't quite fit together, and the more it feels like one big, overly complicated way of writing Amy out of the story, when she could have been out of the story at any point between here and The God Complex

not every companion leaving has to be a big tragedy, sometimes it's just the sadness of knowing peoples lives are going in a different direction from you, and that's exactly how The God Complex ends

CHARACTERS/LORE/PLOT: so technically yes, this is the last episode of the Ponds so there's a whole bunch of stuff, however I would argue that not much changes one way or another from season 6

Amy and Rory still love each other (The Dalek Asylum was stupid and offered us nothing else on them that actually mattered), they're still planning to leave at some point, and they live a life

moreover that life is no more tragic than, again, The God Complex, because one doesn't really have a sense of the things they've left behind -- yes, Rory has a dad now (seen in two episodes) and he's honestly not a bad character, but he's not really firmly established in any way and might as well not exist, but for a bit of "oh that's nice"

Amy never had parents or family really (fight me M*ffat), and they left Leadworth with all its non-characters and live in London with a further bunch of non-characters

them leaving to live their life in the past is no more ungrounded than the life that was written for them in the present, in all its "I'm a Kissogram no a Model no a... Travel Log Reporter..." undefined lack of glory

also River Song doesn't travel with the Doctor because Alex Kingston can't commit to a whole season and so River Song just flat out turns him down, which is very funny in a sort of "does this make sense for the characters apparent inherent tragedy of not having enough time," kind of way -- should've just not said anything (especially not "one psychopath per Tardis is enough don't you think" SERIOUSLY M*ffat????)

and I think that's the problem in the end. post-God Complex has tried to justify Amy's and Rory continued meaning in this story but it's just not managed to do it. it feels like an overextended coda, with one relatively fun entry (The Power Of Three), and five stories that don't need to be there and give us scraps of things that might be important at some point in the future (such as the Doctor shouldn't travel alone for extended periods of time, but we already know this!)

also Brian... does the Doctor ever tell Brian, whom he had this seemingly deep conversation with about not losing Amy and Rory and bringing them back, that he will never see his son again?

COMPANIONS MATTER: yeah, I guess. I mean the whole book is written by River Song who's semi a companion, Amy and Rory jump off a roof which creates a paradox, which breaks the angels hold on the block (do they wink out of existence or are they still there or???)

“GODLIKE” DOCTOR: this episode is more about the Doctor than the Ponds really, although he doesn't do much, just runs around, so...

in some ways we're anti-godlike-doctor in that there's a whole bunch of laws the Doctor suddenly can't break, despite... doing so... previously... notably in fact in the preceding season

PREVIOUS DOCTOR WHO: ehhhhhhhhhhhhhh got nothing. it's about the angels and it does weird shit their lore, but it's a surprisingly small episode on the whole, considering it's a companion's final setpiece -- not that it has to be massive (The God Complex, my preferred final episode for Amy and Rory is also in many ways a simple episode), but it's interesting for M*ffat

“SEXINESS”: so we've got the Doctor being into book!River, an ongoing joke with the word "yowza," a flirting scene when River and the Doctor first reunite (again, fascinatingly undercut by River later saying he "has the face of a twelve year old")

and an early scene where Amy asks Rory if she has lines around her eyes and him being "afraid" of telling her yes

it's not so bad on the whole, shockingly chill considering this is written by M*ffat

INTERNAL WORLD: one of M*ffat's biggest consistent weaknesses is that he eschews the "boring" details of making a place seem real, in favour of a plot just going at breakneck speeds without waiting around to see if it makes sense -- if you keep going very fast, nobody can see behind the curtain (unless you're actually breaking down the episode in which case... ah)

but yeah, they're in New York I guess, that's about it

POLITICS: there's not much in the way of overt politics once again, and honestly not much of anything else either. I guess one can pick up on a lack of things, but tbh there's so much else to pick at in this episode, a lack of interest in pre-WWII New York would have required an interest in world building at the minimum, and obviously that's not a thing in this episode, so much as it's a series of vibes (and you cannot coast on vibes alone forever)

FULL RATING: 47/100 (if I can count….)

So how do we leave the Ponds on the whole? it's got a few arresting scenes, Rory and Amy jumping off a roof together, the Doctor making a sad face while reaching for Amy

the rest of the episode is kind of there. neither the worst M*ffat has written, nor thaaat good. some good concepts that are under-written, a bit of shoddy lore-continuation and world-building

a big question for me at this point is where to end the Amy & Rory plot so that it fits going into the next stage of events (Clara). because The Power Of Three is quite fun, and might function as a coda (acknowledging they have a couple more adventures and then they drift out of the Doctor's life). but definitely, The God Complex is the ending for me

[thegeminisage]

they call it the river of the dead bc i died 10000 times trying to get korok seeds here

ANOTHER shrine in a cave on the great plateau. 10/10 i love that

i keep getting nothing but shields in chests and its starting to piss me off. i dont use them much, i havent broken a single one this whole game. give me literally ANYTHING else!!

died in the shrine when i was alllmost done. smh

DIED AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!

deeply tempted to turn around and leave but No. i'm so close

I FUCKING. GOT IT. FUCK THAT SHRINE!!!!

placed one of my travel medallions at the REAL temple of time. i never have to walk back here again lol

not that i need to come back...i'm finishing up the great plateau korok hunt right here. i have one left that starts elsewhere and ends on the great plateau but im at nearly 200 seeds rn and ive been making myself cuckoo bananas hunting seeds so i deserve a sidequest break. i'm thinking the rito bridge is a good place 2 start

BUT FIRST, MY AMIIBO! i keep foprgetting to do these lol

YOOOOOO mirror of twilight fabric!!! sexy

AND demon king fabric.....

accidentally spawned another epona. rode hr out to where the other horses were so she has community support lol

AWWW there's another monument near the great plateau...

ok, so i talked to karson in lookout landing ages back abt building this bridge. i think now they need supplies?

oh, i like how these guys refer to each other by name! i love the community feeling in totk...the way everybody wants to be a helper...

oh lmao i literally have enough wood already <3 maybe this is why they made trees enemies, to give us reasons to chop them up so we dont have to level entire forests at a time

OH HE SAID ACES!!!! good for him

SCREAM this dialogue. wings come in handy! or...wingy! don't sit your tail there, it's a support beam, not a perch! chaotic gay people <3 happy pride <3

had the brief thought "since i'm in hebra i should get some korok seeds here" no <3 not without <3 snow boots <3

which i havent seen any sign of...UGH i hope they arent still in gerudo desert...

im going to hateno!! i've been meaning to give this guy acorns for his cow feed for foreverrr

but, to do the school quest, i need to swing by kakariko first...thank goodness4 fast travel

ugh so many sidequests in kakariko i wanna do but i feel like i should wait until this 5th sage nonsense SIIIGH

ok, got the pic of the tapestry in paya's house! also accidentally saw the cuccos running by, followed them to their hideout. extremely tense trying to bust thru the rock wall with them standing there. no way was i using yunobo

BUT i was at a perfect angle to take a ring ruins pic for the stable guy!

found lasli who needs the anti-gloom stuff...UGH i hate that nobody remembers link!!! ugh and i need milk for this which i dont have >:(

well, i bet there's some in hateno and i was going there anyway lol

NAYDRA WAS HERE WHEN I SPAWNED........snaged myself a scale. UGH i can't believe they fucked dragon farming i'm in such deep shit i don't have ANY parts

acorns delivered, milk received! omg nice he'll trade me anytime.......reminds me of the rito lady trading arrows for chillshrooms lol now THAT was a bargain

got my mirror of twilight fabric put on 💪

oh man it is LOVELY. it has a nice rainbow-pearl sheen to it...it might be my fav yet

time to go appease schoolchildren

scream that link is listening in on this calamity lecture like he wasn't the main character in it without so much as a single acknowledgement of it by this dude. yet another way theyre alienating old players by trying NOT to alienate new ones

this guy talking up the hero's achievements WITHOUT ACTUALLY MENTIONING THAT IT IS LINK. this is my villain origin story

oh boy. for the next lesson i have to get monster extract from tarrey town. i have the car quest there i never finished, but maybe i should do more shrines/seeds first...

i haven't been to the depths in awhile.

that is DEFINITELY the devil (and many korok seeds) talking. actually i can decide tomorrow bc i have to <3 go to bed

[f1nalboys]

Peacemaker Season 1 Episode 2 Live Post

(just my live reactions to the episode as it goes)

-HOPING FOR MORE ADRIAN love the pacing so far a lot happens without it being overwhelming!! very excited to see where the plot goes :3

ALSO if u want to mute this tag to avoid my love posts then black list b reacts live <3

-“you can’t see me jerk off through that thing can you” ITS IN HIS SKILLFNWKDNWKND

-i love eagley

-i like the intro but i will be skipping it it’s too long

-ok so i knew the butterflies were gonna be something fucked up

-“where the fuck are my SOCKS”

-him having to sit down to put his socks on JFKSKND

-LEOTA ASKING IF THE OUTFITS HER DOG WEARS WILL MAKE IT A BIGGER TARGETBDISNJDEJ

-i love her

-“almost hit that bitch” JFKWKFJEJ

-HELWJCKKWD

-OK eagley bringing the possum over to the thing was to make it the reason behind the explosion 😭😭😭 giggles

-LOCHLYN MUNRO???

-leota loves her little dog emerson :3

-“i think he just likes looking smart” JFNWKFJJD

-HIM ROBBING THE LADYJDKWNXKNWKD

-his stupid ass ringtone

-peacemaker feeding eagley chips

-THE COP SINGING SBT CATCHING A BAD GUYDJFIRJ

-him holding a bloody knife CMONNNN

-HES OBVIOUSLY A PROFESSIONAL LOOK HOW HES DRESSED AMBER

-him flirting w this guys wife

-HES LIKE 😦🤨

-“ARE YOU SERIOUSLY TRYING TO GET HIM TO FUCK YOU RIGHT NOw AMBER”

-peacemaker watching them fight like 😳

-“YOU ARE FUCKING MY SPIRIT”

-JFKWJCKE

-SHE WANTED HIM TI FUCK HER HE LEFT AND HER BF LAUGHED ST HER

-the baby waving at him :3

-him breaking his bones again

-where’s adrian i. want. adrian.

-this man is fucking himself up fr 😭

-IS FHIS VIGILANTIE

-oh :/

-it’s emilia whatever

-SORRY I LOVE HER I DO i jsut need adrian

-eagley :3

-“you can’t house train an eagle dude, not without stealing its soul”

-leota getting everyone else hyped!!! my beloved

-HFNSKNFKWND

-james or whatever his name is changed christopher’s finger prints to his dads 😈

-oh so that didn’t work very well

-“am i supposed to text you when i’m taking a shit???” “I WOULDVE AOORECIATED IT” JFNOWNCKWND SHUT UPPPP

-“and now i feel like you’re mad at me” and “don’t use the i word man” are such stupid but funny lines 😭😭

-i like the lady cop whats her name

-sophie song <3

-“YOU EVER BEEN SHOT AT? :D” “……………..…no :(“ JFKOSNDIW

-christopher and james r besties but also worsties

-if emilia accuses leota of doing shit one more time… like YEAH she is feeding info to waller BUT FUCK YOU

-“i trust her the most because eagley likes her :D” “he tried to bite me” “yeah but not as hard as he tries to bite everyone else”

-“john didn’t do it” “thank you!” “he’s too big of a pussy to betray us” “alright :(“ JFKWNDJ THE CONVOS R SO FUNNYYY

-“I DONT EVEN LIKE WHEN MY BALLS ARE IN SOMEBODYS MOUTH OKAY? it gives me the wrong type of chills and all i can think about is how long it’s been since i’ve gotten checked for testicular cancer” PNFKWNDKWNDJ

-this thing isn’t even my thoughts anymore it’s just me quoting the funny lines

-PEACEMAKER IS SO STUPFIWJFJNS

-he left the dossier of his assasination target in the apartment of the girl he fucjed and murn was like “u left it in the apartment of some girl who blew u?” and he goes “SHES NOT SOME RANDO WHO BLEW ME MAN, we fully fucked”

-nah peacemaker is right they haven’t told him shit like y’all sometimes a little info is necessary

-“am i a fucking dick vampire now” HE MAKES ME SO SICKWJDOWJJD

-“when we’re u gonna tell us there were witnesses?” “i did kidnap a couple for a minute :/“

-his trailer sucks like the color scheme is awful

-he’s a records guy :3

-WHERES ADRIAN. i’m starting to get pissed i want my man 🗣️🗣️

-HIM CRYIDNOWCNWOND

-he’s just like me

-ADRIANNNNFJWJDKNWICS

-HES HEREEEEE

-GOD HIS VOICE

-his costume is sexy

-sorry the whole interaction w these two abt louis c k 😭😭

-adrian’s voice 😵‍💫😵‍💫

-“can you maybe teach em to me :3” OHHHHHHH IM FUCKED HES SO BABY GIRL I WANT GIM SO BAD

-leota <3

-“r u trying to fucking bribe us?” “no!!” “oh i was hoping u we’re trying to bribe us” “yes yes i am bribing u :D”

-adrian wanting to clean his place up :(

-PEACEMAKER SAY HES UR BFF

-he’s so silly asking where everything goes

-HE FOUND HIS POCKET PUSSYKFNWKFNS

-i always found the “adult character not knowing what a sex toy is” thing weird bc ur telling me adrian hasn’t gotten pussy before???

-ADRIAN USES POCKET PUSSIES OK???? it’s my canon that scene didn’t happen or it did and it was funny in a different way bc that man uses one and goes Hard.

-anyways sorry. got distracted.

-“YOU THINK THEYD LET ME OUT OF PRISON TO DELIVER FUCKING MAIL” “idk it was the first government job i could think of” adrian said support the post office <3

-not the graffiti artist kills 😭😭

-“well it does 😂🤣” SHUT UP ADRIAJFOWNDJS he’s so :3

-THE SCENE OF THEM BLOWING AND SHOOTING SHIT UP <3

-besties for life!!!

-also yes fuck u auggie i’m glad ur getting arrested

-wait sorry guys the cop….larry….. hes uhm. yeah. sorry

-SORRY. he’s just

-ok moving on

-THE DOG W THR UKELEIELWKD

-leota sending her wife away :(((

-she knows it’s dangerous for her wife to be there :((

-HE FUCKED AMBER????

-AND VIGILANTE?????

-THEY HAD A THREESOME???

-adrian doesn’t like weed whatever

-sorry adrian mmmgmmgmgmdnsd

-that’s a cool thing

-hehe his dads in prison <3 i hope he dies and then also christopher doesn’t visit him

-his racist piece of shit dad DIE DIE DIE

-racist fucks

-they have him at a place where he’s a liter nazi god???????

-WHAT THE FUCK????

-i’m pissed

-anyways

-her asking to keep peacemakers mugshot girl stand up pls 😭😭

OK END OF EPISODE THOUGHTS:

ADRIANNNN!!! i love him <3 i am excited to see how they deal w his superiority stuff + his ‘moral’ compass when it comes to killing all criminals!

i’m expecting the plot of christopher’s dad being the white dragon to matter bc if it’s just thrown in i’ll be ? very weirded out but i’m assuming that a major thing lol

leota <333 everyone needs to be nice to her rn!!!! idc if she’s a mole, she’s my WIFE! i like her and emilia together like bonding and stuff :3 also i rlly love james i think him being called sue beard is funny

excited to see where this goes but i’m going to bed so i shall finish the next 6 episodes tomorrow probably :3 we’ll maybe not tomorrow bc i’m supposed to hang w my friend? so we shall see!!!!

[ssssosababyyyyy]

ranting about men. i’m annoyed.

(most) men inherently bother me. why cant they be normal? im actually not flattered by your perverted comments on my appearance.

when men talk to me all i hear is “please fuck me! please! i’ll say anything! please just fuck me! please” and it’s annoying. they lack any empathy for women what so ever and i quite frankly don’t understand it.

example: this guy that pulled up on me as i was walking home. i stupidly gave him my number, he swore i was so sexy and asked me to send him pics, i said.. no??? idk you. (also who is this working on???)

he gets mad!! and im like… why are you mad?? idk you. LIKE!!!! nigga everything is a sex trafficking scheme. he could post my pictures on the black market and snatch me. (he’ll never get me tho 😈) and i just find it strange how annoyed he was at me for being hesitant. he literally said “i dont have time to deal with you being scary” … once again, i dont know this man at all.

a similar thing happened before w a guy trying to have a 3some w me and my friend at the time. we told him we were worried that he was a trafficker and he got soooo pissed. meanwhile he isn’t doing much to make us feel comfortable. like you sprinkle in a sexual comment every 5 minutes and think we can’t tell you don’t just wanna be friends…….

men hate when women are scared but don’t understand that they’re the reason we’re scared. they do nothing to instill any trust into the relationship and if they do it’s just a thinly veiled attempt to get you to have sex with them.

they dont care at all. and that’s why im insane and off putting right off the bat. you thought i was pretty but i saw an unknown numbers pop up on the screen and i wanna know who it is, why you dont have them saved, what the relationship is like, when and how you met them?

the thing is, contrary to many peoples beliefs, im not fucking stupid. i can tell when a man is lying. they can’t keep face. they will tell you everything you need to know. literally just listen. they lie so much that they can’t keep them straight. they always slip up.

the guy who wanted a 3some: i asked him if he had instagram, he said no bc he’s loyal to his gf. then a few days later we see him again, and without prompting says, “i was looking for yall on ig.” and i just looked at him and said “i thought you didn’t have instagram.” and now he’s making excuses. “oh i just dont use it for real.” nigga you were just using it to look for us??? what the fuck were you even searching for???? unprompted he told me his type** and im like… what about your gf. and all of a sudden the relationship is complicated. but its also open. like they don’t hear themselves speak for real.

also seriously stay away from men who know too much about astrology. theyre either a whore, a master manipulator, or batshit insane. (prolly all 3) you probably don’t wanna date them.

anyway, shoutout to him, i actually wanted to be friends with him. he was cool to talk to minus the sexual shit and being angry we didn’t wanna fuck him. he had some crazy military lore.

** his type was light skin and petite asf which was my friend. this is how i realized he really wanted to fuck her (which she refused to believe for some reason..) anyway he thought that making us a package deal would help him…? whole time idec sir 😩 you didn’t even bother remembering my name but thought i would fuck you????? like he thought i was stupid.

[translucio]

initial thoughts

cassandra reading varrics memoir at the end of trespasser was soooo good i love her sm

despite the game having been out for 9 years and being spoiled on most major things there were still some things i never got spoiled about. wild

not knowing exactly how some quest chains and major story decisions work, and not having been spoiled on them, actually turned out to be bad for me. some things happened that i didn't know were possible and would have avoided, but by the time they happened, the events that caused them were already like 20+ hrs of gameplay back. which is frustrating. these were things i really had no way of knowing would happen without looking it up far in advance. im the type of player who saves religiously in case i need to go back a little ways to fix things, but im not willing to go that far back

the war table....... is a mechanic. UX/game feel good. systems bad. the experience of going to the table, getting all your advisors together, studying the map, choosing which method to deal with different events, the diegetic menu - great! having to Wait Real Time to unlock content, and not knowing which content is important, and the sheer quantity of dumb operations that just crowd the map - bad. annoying. the reason i failed to do all the personal quests even though i wanted to and thought i had

this game was a poor attempt at open-ish world. it did not need to be this long or big. long load times and slow transitions were of course hardware limitations, but they are just painful, and could have been avoided if theyd made different design decisions. horseriding kinda feels like ass. most of the activities that populate the maps are pointless bloat to keep you there longer and get more mileage out of areas youve already moved through. of course this was 2014 and we have to try things to learn how to do them well but there were a lot of mistakes here.... lets do better guys

romanced dorian. wish you could be poly in this game cause i am not spending any more time in it but i did wanna see josephines romance...

i know shes kind of popularly disliked in the fandom and i saw a post a while ago saying shes really not that bad and people are just racist or misogynistic or whatever. but having finished the game now. i do not like vivienne. she pissed me off really bad and i wanted to kick her out but couldnt. and i never want to kick out companions in games

sera also irritated me but in her case i feel like its just cause some of her writing is not the best lol

i hate to say it as i was a certified cullen hater for the longest time. but you know what. he got better and i like how his arc went / how hes developed across the games. cullen girlies i understand you now. will you forgive me

and to be honest. yes solas is a bastard but hes not that bad.... maybe its because ive been desensitized by having been spoiled long ago but i think hes fine as a character/villain reveal. im not mad. he is not sexy though yall need help. that is an egg.

overall plot writing..... meh. the stuff they did with elves and elf gods and all is a bit convoluted, and ofc the whole mage templar war thing was so messy and uncomfortably centrist. and they really just continue to present qunari in A Way. really hope they do better next game

[callme6olet]

Think this story was rejected from Daily Science Fiction . . . a year ago? Maybe more? So it's a trunk story now, because I'm not sure who else even publishes genre flash fic. Not my best, maybe--reading back through it, I can't blame them for passing at all. But, hey, I'm still proud of it, and I think it's an interesting idea.

I was sad to see DSF go, of course. I hope they come back some day, but we'll see. Part of me feels like we're seeing the end of an age, especially with the troubles Clarkesworld (among others, I assume) is having with AI. Short stories have been dying for a while, I feel, but now . . . now, I'm not sure what the solution is.

Maybe more of this. Rogue art floating on the internet.

Anyway, here's a vampire story. Four-minute read.

DEEP ROOTS

     It’s a devil forest, this one--old, full of hate. Maybe from the six years of deforestation that killed off a solid third of its mass. Or maybe from the pack of bloodsucking fiends that made it their home and drained every last member of the logging crew dry.

     You know. Six in one hand, really.

     Either way, these trees here, now, they belong to the vampires. That much is clear. The lodgepoles and spruces stand guard over discarded corpses, starved aspen saplings and ravenous fungi clawing at the decomposing remains. Sap bleeds from splits in the bark. There's no running water in these woods, only puddles and ponds choked with rot. The one I’m looking at now, this too-still pool in a fifty-foot clearing, it's giving me the chills. It feels like a vampire spot. The crescent moon is reflected in its glassy surface along with a rocky outcropping that part of me--the lost, joyful part, the part buried under trauma I don’t intend to process, maybe ever--is scanning for bouldering routes, hearing Evrett call back “V4, V5 on that overhang, you think?” in that omniscient, indubitable big brother voice. I move toward it carefully, eyes wide, tracking every owl and squirrel, but even so, I almost miss him, hiding among the rocks. The dark prince.

     His smile widens when he sees that I've noticed him. "Have you come here for me?" He’s excited, can’t hold his fangs in, and it’s giving him a lisp. Would be funny if he didn’t look so hungry, if he had a sexy stranger at the hotel bar vibe and not a coked-up creep with a foot fetish vibe.

     "That's right." I unsheathe a pair of stakes. Vampires, they like their drama, like to talk before they fight. One of their rules, maybe, up there with the garlic and the crosses. I’ve learned the rules well, know them back and forth, could recite them like a blood-spattered Pledge of Allegeiance. “Took me a lot of slaying to get here,” I say. “Your daddy dearest, he killed my family.” I don’t know which felt worse--the times when I couldn’t say it without crying, couldn’t get the words out, or the fact that now, my voice doesn’t even shake. “I’m returning the favor,” I whisper.

     His eyes glint with cold amusement. "You may try. Our hate has deep roots." He holds my gaze, his face inscrutable, and I sink back on my feet, holding my stakes at the ready.

     He is still for a long moment. Then, with a flicker of a grin, he lunges forward.

#

     It’s never easy. But it’s always easier than they think. They have the speed, the strength, the fangs, but like all killers, their greatest strength is that they think they have the right. That mortals are here to be their toys, their livestock. Why give a sheep a fair fight?

     Only, when that sheep grows horns, when it sees you butcher its older brother and its twelve-year old sister, its sick mom and the dad who’s giving her tea in bed, when it comes to your home to demand justice . . . that’s when you realize, too late, that it could’ve been dangerous all along, was choosing not to be. That it’s a hundred forty pounds of pissed-off muscle and fight-or-die adrenaline. That you should’ve been fighting like your life depended on it, because this wasn’t a slaughter.

     At least, not the one you were thinking it would be.

     The prince, he’s quicker than most. He smacks me around a couple times, gloats, then gets caught in the line of my crossed stakes. Flinches back. Snarls at this wooden crucifix. “C’mon, you bastard,” I mutter.

     I’m expecting him to charge.

     Instead, he shifts. Is a bat, vanishing in the night. But I’ve seen it before, so I know not to look behind me until I hear that whoosh of displaced air, feel that back-of-the-neck prickle that comes with dark magic, can practically smell his iron breath on the air. I know to wait until he’s looming to drive a stake under my arm, into his waiting heart.

     It snaps into his chest, cracks his ribs, sends him reeling, crashing into the pond. A choked gasp escapes his lips. "Not bad," I say dully. “Six out of ten. Good effort, but your heart wasn’t in it.” It would be a joke if I still felt capable of them. I reach down, pull the stake free. His muscles seize. A rattling breath escapes his lungs. His body starts to disintegrate, drifting away like ash on an autumn wind. He's convulsing . . . but not, I realize, from pain.

     He's laughing.

     I pull him up out of the water by the scruff of his neck. "What?" I say. Part of me wants to believe he’s a little bit human, here at the end, that maybe he just likes puns. But I know better. They lose their souls when they die, like any living thing--one of the rules.

     "You don't . . . see . . . do you?" he gasps, and I follow his gaze back down to the pond. “My children,” he whispers.

     It takes me a moment to realize that his isn't the only reflection that's missing.

     There are no trees in the water.

     Deep roots, I realize. Fear pierces my gut. Because maybe, maybe I learned the rules too well. Forgot to look outside them. Forgot that there are mortals who we write off, too, other than sheep and cattle.

     That maybe blood isn't the secret ingredient.

     Behind me, something creaks in the night.

     Something big.

END.

(buy me a coffee?)

[auntbibby]

i just really Really hate the ideology that "good things should never be easy or free, and if they are, theyre fake". it's like people dont want anything to improve or get measurably better, or for old obstacles in life to be removed becuz progress is EEEEVILLLL.

people look down on ozempic & wegovy becuz it can make losing weight become easier and that pisses off the people who go to the gym 3 times a day and drink raw eggs. plastic surgery pisses off similar ppl for similar reasons. laws getting passed that improve working conditions & wages for minimum wage jobs pisses off older ppl who had a terrible time at work when they were a teenager becuz "if i had to do it u should have to do it too".

i understand what youre saying about fat liberation. that people are naturally different weights, and we shouldnt look down on ppl for being big. that fat can be sexy etc.

however, the antipsychotic i HAVE to take (or else i will become so irritable i will have multiple violent meltdowns daily) has "weight gain" as a side effect. for the first dozen years of my life i was very very thin. since then, being on various antipsychotics & other psychiatric medications, well..... im currently 260+ pounds.

i was actually 298 pounds a year and a half ago but i went for lots of walks and changed my diet and the weight hasnt come back much. and dont say "see? you worked hard!" becuz i first tried like 3 different exercise regimens and they were all too hard. it wasnt till i scaled it back to "taking a walk or 2 every day IF IM UP TO IT" that i finally started losing weight.

......

maybe for a lot of things, increasingly the farther back in history u go, painful hard work & being rewarded were intrinsically linked. but thats not always the case. sometimes good things can happen withOUT painful hard work. sometimes painful hard work leads to detriment.

as for risuchan's points....

i get waaaaay overstimulated if i have to play a hard videogame level over & over & over again and then finally beat it. it causes me to need to decompress or ill possibly have a violent meltdown. i MUCH prefer beating a level on the first try. i try not to play videogames very much.

i literally cannot remember a time i had a really bad day and then felt pleasure when a friend or family member reassured me. the closest ive come to that is venting to my longdistance girlfriend online and then she sends me heart emojis & hug emojis. usually when ive had a bad day i isolate myself becuz i know if somebody starts talking to me, espECIALLY trying to comfort me, im worried i might have a violent meltdown.

when somebody comes back into my life after being gone, i think "ohh.... nice!" for one second and then i immediatelly think "damn, now i have to re-plan my schedule so im set up properly for a visit with this person.... lets see.... this week in april i dont have an outing planned.... if i have a bath on wednesday night then i can skip the bath on thursday which means i can have a bath on friday night which sets me up for when mom comes over on saturday and then i can skip the bath on sunday and have a bath on monday night and.... hmmm i need to phone mom to see if my outings THAT week are on tuesday & thursday or monday wednesday & friday...." it's pretty stressfull actually. i have so much anxiety about planning events and being late and stuff like that, i had to tell my brother to "visit me less" once. he lives in a different province.

i will admit crying is a good way to end my violent meltdowns. but id much rather my violent meltdowns didnt occur becuz i end up injuring myself and breaking stuff.

anyways all i think is..... i dont wanna reject a free lunch becuz its "on a silver platter". good is good & bad is bad. nothing is "too good to be true". thats just a bad thing disguised as a good thing dont let it spoil your perception of true good things.

edit: im srry if im comin across as mean. im srry.

if u had 3 wishes, would 1 of ur wishes be "everybody gets transformed into The Closest Thing To Their Ideal Body That Isnt Inherently Harmful"?

I feel like handing someone their ideal self on a silver platter would kind of invalidate all of their struggles up to that point. There’s a story about this somewhere around here lemme go grab it