#he's so salty about not getting an apple fritter

[mightierthanthecanon]

[recurring-polynya]

Oh boy!!! Polynya I have a sudden ferocious hankering for Byakuya and Aizen being viciously passive aggressive to each other. Most of the time you write B he is in the company of his family or his loved ones. So clearly the ultimate way to bring out the knives is an AU in which all the captains are in the same Homeowner's Association. I have no preference for ships; I crave only drama, the pettier the better.

Alopex. Alopex. Why. Why u do this 2 me. You’re my favorite, tho, I cannot refuse you. I hope this is petty enough. I almost made this whole thing an epistolary fanfic that took place over NextDoor, the worst “social media”, but I think it worked better with everyone in person.

Read on ao3 or ff.net

🏠     🏠     🏠

“Gosh darnit, the only K-cups left are apple cider and pumpkin spice!”

“Oh, that can’t be right, I know I filled up the carousel just before the meeting! Retsu! Retsu, honey, we’re out of K-cups, and I bought a whole carton at Costco and I just don’t understand--”

Kuchiki Byakuya glanced up from the presentation materials he was reviewing for the six hundredth time. For starters, Byakuya wasn’t really sure anyone should be letting Hitsugaya Toushirou have coffee in the first place. It was 8p.m., and the child couldn’t be more than twelve. Byakuya had never been very clear on a) why the Seireitei Estates Homeowners’ Association let the child attend the meetings in lieu of his father (or possibly step-father?), a doctor who worked late hours, and b) why a young child would want to attend a Homeowners’ Association meeting anyway, but he had more sense than most of the other board members, so Byakuya didn’t ask questions.

Byakuya also wasn’t sure why they had to have “refreshment breaks.” Breaks were for quitters, in Byakuya’s opinion. Granted, the meeting was being held at Unohana’s house this month, which meant that the baked goods were impeccable, but Unohana’s high-strung wife tended to radiate so much nervous energy that Byakuya worried the woman was going to spontaneously combust.

“Oh, sunflower, I’m sure they just got pushed behind the croquembouche,” Unohana purred reassuringly. “I’ll help you look-- oh, excuse me, Mr. Ichimaru.”

As Unohana pushed past that weaselly shyster Ichimaru Gin, she swung her hips, knocking into him. Approximately thirty K-cups tumbled out of the pockets of Gin’s couture tracksuit.

“Oh, there they are!” Unohana sang innocently.

“How did those get in there?” Gin gasped, as though he were genuinely puzzled.

Byakuya shuddered. Ichimaru worked for the second biggest law firm in town, after, of course, Kuchiki and Sons. Byakuya dreaded the day he might find himself across a negotiation table from the man. Not that harbored any doubts about annihilating that idiot in a contest of the law, he just didn’t like being in the same room with him.

“Here you go, dear,” Unohana said, popping a K-cup into the machine and patting little Toushirou on the head. Toushirou was too busy glaring at Gin to notice.

“That looks like some presentation you’re givin' after the break, eh, Kuchiki?” Ichimaru drawled, selecting a bearclaw from the pastry tray. “Or didja bring home the paperwork from the Tsunayashiro merger?”

Byakuya sniffed and shuffled his papers back into their portfolio. “I approach all areas of my life with the same diligence as I do my professional work.”

“What a coinky-dink! I do, too-- I don’t work hard at anything.”

Byakuya had no interest in frittering away his preparation time to small talk with a moron. “I am going to set up,” he said coolly.

“Good luck!” Ichimaru trilled, giving a saucy little finger wave.

Byakuya returned to Unohana’s sitting room, where he had left his easel and poster board near the hideous faux fireplace with its tacky LED candles.

Aizen was sitting at the cardtable he’d set up at the front of the room, fiddling with his chintzy little gavel. “You look very prepared,” he said, in a tone of voice that was almost as insipid as the oatmeal-marl turtleneck sweater he wore. “Do try not to run too long, though. I’m only the substitute president, you know! I want to run a tight ship, ha ha!”

Byakuya narrowed his eyes. He was still slightly salty that President Yamamoto had felt the need to take a last minute trip on a “Single Seniors Cruise.” Something something about a flash sale and when you’re old you have to take advantage of the time you have left, etcetera, etcetera, but if there were anyone that Byakuya could count on take his side in the matter, it was that antediluvian rule-enforcer. For that matter, Byakuya wasn’t actually sure whether Yamamoto even cared about clipped hedges and shoveled sidewalks or if he just liked yelling at people and slapping them with fines.

Aizen was also a bit of a stickler for the finer points of home maintenance, but the man had no substance to him, with his floppy hair and his chunky knitwear and his horn-rimmed glasses.

“All right, everyone!” Aizen called in his stupid simpering voice. Byakuya had no idea what the man actually did, but Byakuya figured he was a preschool teacher or an art therapist or something equally touchy-feely. “Please take your seats! The next item on our agenda is a presentation on, uh, ‘A Secret But Important Topic, from our neighbor over at number six, let’s give a big hand for...Byakuya!”

“Hold the applause,” Byakuya said sternly, holding up a hand. “I come to you today to call for-- nay, demand the expulsion of one Zaraki Kenpachi from the Board of this Homeowners Association, and possibly also the entire neighborhood, if that’s possible.”

“We can’t kick people out of the neighborhood,” Aizen stage-whispered to him.

“Is he actually a member of the HOA Board?” Kyouraku asked, scratching his shaggy mane. “I’ve never seen him at one of these meetings.”

Byakuya turned to Tousen, the Board treasurer, who had taken his seat at the front table with Aizen and Ichimaru. “Mr. Tousen, did you happen to look into the dues records, as I requested?”

“I did, yes,” Tousen replied. “It turns out that Mr. Zaraki is excused from paying dues. There was a post-it note in President Yamamoto’s handwriting that said,” Tousen made finger quotes, “‘Zaraki fixed my car, excused from dues.’”

Byakuya scowled. “That doesn’t seem… sufficient… it is of no matter.” He grabbed the bed sheet covering his posterboard, and dramatically swept it away. It would have been more dramatic if the bedsheet weren’t covered in Chappy rabbits, but there was no way he was bringing one of his own 800-thread counts into a house that contained cats.

“I have been closely watching Mr. Zaraki’s residence for the last few months, as his rear yard backs to mine, and I believe he may be operating a fight club in his garden on weekends. They do move into the garage if the weather is unpleasant.”

A hush fell over the room, except for Isane and Ukitake Juushirou, who were discussing the merits of blind-baking pie crusts.

“Er, sorry, did I miss something?” Juushirou asked apologetically, after realizing he was the only person talking.

“Kenpachi seems to be running some sort of fight club,” his scruffy husband supplied, looking deeply confused, as usual.

“Goodness!” Juushirou exclaimed. “Are you sure?”

Byakuya cleared his throat. “Allow me to present the evidence I have gathered.” He picked up two large binders, and handed one to Soi Fon in the front row, and the other to Aizen, who immediately passed his, unopened, to Ichimaru. “There are about two dozen disreputable personages who are frequently found loitering about the premises. The first page of the binder indexes each of them by a descriptive nickname, including times I have seen them. Photographic evidence follows.”

“They seem to be washing cars in most of these photos,” Soi Fon pointed out, flipping a page back and forth. Or are they fixing the cars? I can’t tell.”

Komamura craned his head over, curiously. “Wow, is that a ‘73 Stingray? Nice.”

“Yes, they also like to get together to maintain and detail their vehicles,” Byakuya snapped. “Usually at ungodly hours of the morning. I am almost positive that many of those cars do not employ catalytic converters. In any case, it is easier to take pictures of them during the day.”

“Looks like they like to spray each other with hoses, too,” Gin noted, waggling his eyebrows. “Why are there so many pictures of this one guy with the red hair and tattoos? He sure doesn’t like to wear a shirt, does he?” Aizen appeared to be leaning to the side, trying to look at the book out of the corner of his eye.

“My dutiful sister did the photographic surveillance! She is very thorough, and I appreciated the help!” All these questions were knocking Byakuya off his game. He smacked his pointer against the poster. “May I direct your attention to Figure A, a bar chart of traffic on his street vs. hours of the day.”

“Tell us more about the fight club,” Soi Fon interrupted, shoving her binder over to Komamura. “Are there weapons involved, blunted or otherwise? How many people usually show up? Is it held regularly, or do you suspect there’s, say, an email list or something?”

“I think it’s some sort of mixed martial arts,” Byakuya said, rubbing his forehead. “There are often up to a dozen of them, but sometimes it’s as few as three or four.”

“You know, I’m looking through the bylaws,” Aizen said, turning pages in the bylaw binder without actually looking at them, “and I’m not exactly clear on whether fight clubs are actually… you know, forbidden.”

“They’re illegal,” Byakuya bit off.

“Per-haaaps,” Aizen drew out. “But what really constitutes… a ‘fight club,’ am I right? I mean, Dr. Unohana teaches kickboxing classes in her basement studio, is that a fight club?”

“No,” Byakuya replied.

“Exactly, and we wouldn’t want her to be painted with the same brush for just trying to teach other women the arts of self-defense, now would we?”

“It’s not for self-defense,” Unohana clarified.

“Or what about having a bunch of friends over and hitting each other with foam swords while you pretend to be werewolves?” Ichimaru broke in cheerfully. “That’s just our rights as citizens, to pretend to be werewolves in our basements with our friends.”

“It’s a tabletop RPG,” Komamura growled. “I am not a LARPer. There are no weapons. Also, you really do not need to bring it up every single board meeting. It is a perfectly normal adult hobby that I do to spend quality time with my friends.”

“Speaking of which,” Gin turned his binder of pictures around, “isn’t this guy in your group? With the sunglasses?”

“Hmm?” Komamura flipped a few pages. “Oh, huh, yeah, that’s Iba.”

“Surely a good friend of yours wouldn’t have anything to do with an illegal fight club, eh, Mr. Komamura?” Aizen suggested.

Komamura made a non-commital grumble. “I mean, I could ask him if it’s a fight club, if you want me to.”

“I have yet to hear any evidence that supports the existence of this so-called ‘fight club,” Tousen broke in.

“That’s because I keep getting interrupted, I have an audio recording and also some several emergency room admission records--”

“Mr. Zaraki is an upstanding citizen of our town and a devoted father,” Tousen continued. “Are you suggesting that Mr. Zaraki is not a responsible parent?”

“Well, now that you mention it…” Byakuya mused.

“Juushirou, you and Shunsui babysit for little Yachiru all the time, don’t you?” Aizen asked sweetly. “Have you ever seen any evidence that she isn’t the sweetest little girl in the entire world?”

Toushirou raised his hand. “Excuse me? She is a menace, actually?”

“Oh, no, Yachiru is always a ray of sunshine!” Juushirou beamed. “Very active child.”

“Eats a lot,” Kyouraku added.

The edges of Byakuya’s vision were beginning to bleed into red. “We are not talking about the Zaraki child--who, by the way, buried an entire ham in my prize tulip bed--”

“It sounds like you have a grudge against the entire family, Kuchiki,” Aizen replied mildly. “These board meetings are not a venue for airing your petty grievances.”

“You are not even listening! If you would just turn to page--”

“I think you’ve wasted enough of everyone’s time.” Aizen turned his doe eyes to the audience. “Is there anyone here who wants to invest any more energy listening to Byakuya’s vitriol?”

Byakuya looked out over his audience, looking for an ally. Komamura shifted in his seat uncomfortably. The Kyouraku-Ukitakes refused to make eye contact. Unohana was reading a magazine about decorative wreaths. Toushirou raised his hand again with a helpful smile, but no one actually ever cared what he thought.

“Soi Fon, you’re an actual police officer!” he begged.

“It’s just a fight club,” Soi Fon shrugged.

Byakuya was desperate. “Dr. Kurotsuchi?”

Kurotsuchi looked up from his phone. “Eh?”

“Have you been paying attention to any of this?”

“Of course not, I only come for the snacks.”

Byakuya gritted his teeth. “Zaraki is running a fight club and these fools wish us to turn our heads and look the other way.”

“Well, it’s not a very good fight club,” Kurotsuchi agreed. “I’ve been. They don’t allow poisoned weapons and the beverage selection is quotidian at best.”

“You see! You see, right there, Kurotsuchi has even attended! That’s proof that a) it exists and b) it defames the character of the neighborhood!”

“I’m declaring this issue closed,” Aizen replied breezily. “And Kuchiki, I really think you should try to get along better with Kenpachi. You are neighbors, after all.” He brightened. “Oh, I know! We’ve got the community yard sale coming up in June. Why don’t you go ask him if he wants to join the planning committee?”

“Byakuya… will...ask....Zaraki...to chair…the yard sale planning committee,” Gin read aloud as he wrote it into the minutes.

“I agreed to no such thing!” Byakuya howled.

“Onto the next topic!” Aizen chirped. “Trash pickup happens every Friday at 7am and a few of our neighbors have been leaving their bins out as late as noon.”

Later, after the meeting, as Byakuya was packing up his binders and his posterboard, Aizen walked up to him, munching on a rhubarb scone. “Really nice presentation, Byakuya. Good fonts, well cited, you obviously put a ton of work into it. Also, that Zaraki is a blight on the neighborhood. Ideally, he would be thrown in prison.”

Byakuya stared at Vice-Presiden Aizen, mouth agape. “Then why did you and your cronies ruin my presentation and shut me down at every turn?”

Aizen’s eyes narrowed. His mouth curved into a cold smile. Light glinted off his glasses. “You dared to usurp my rightful place as the winner of the Spring Spirit Most Beautiful Yard competition.”

Byakuya blinked at him blankly. “You cared about that? A man’s lawn is his pride. I keep my yard beautiful as a matter of principle, not for some silly competition.”

“You pay for a lawn service. You shouldn’t have even been eligible.”

Byakuya didn’t even recall entering, he’d just received a letter that he’d won, and a festive yard sign appeared next to his front walk, which he had immediately removed and thrown in the garbage. “The prize was a gift certificate to a miserable chain restaurant. I would give it to you, except that I already gave it to my sister to go out with her hooligan friends. They are perpetually short on funds. I could get you another one, I suppose. The amount was paltry enough, although I was given to understand that the place offers ‘unlimited breadsticks’.”

“It’s too late for that,” Aizen declared. “You have made a powerful enemy. You will feel my revenge in a thousand cuts.”

Byakuya wondered how much of a hassle it would be to just move. He’d heard there were some nice houses over in Karakura Acres.

~end

Shinigami’s Cup: GOLDEN!

“Do you think it would help if I infiltrated the fight club?”

“I appreciate your zeal, Sister, but, no, I do not think it would help.”

“Because I think I might have an in. I feel like I would be really good at going undercover. I could wear a body mic.”

“Rukia, you know I have the utmost faith in you, but are not even five feet tall. I do not, in any way, see how you could realistically ingratiate yourself to an organization populated by large, lumpy men whose raison d’etre is to clobber each other in the face.”

“I have cat-like reflexes! I am really good at dodging and weaving!”

“Rukia.”

“And I’ve been watching a lot of YouTube videos about muscle cars. Go on, ask me something about Dodge Chargers!”

“Rukia.”

“I even ripped the sleeves of an old t-shirt, I look super tough in it. Please, Byakuya, please can I?”

“All right, fine. But do not drink any alcoholic beverages that have ‘light’ or ‘ice’ in the title. It is against our pride as Kuchiki.”

“Thank you Brother, you’re the best!!”

[misslavendertown]

🌹My thoughts on Steven universe future!🌹

WARNING this post contains a lot of steven universe future spoilers if you haven't seen the new episodes and don't want to be spoiled don't read. I would put a read more link below the warning but Tumblr mobile sucks.

Little homeschool

So Steven can heal corrupted gems using a mixture of what I expect are the diamonds escents? Maybe it's from the extraction Chambers? I can't remember what they're called but yellow's sauna and blue's bath.

Pamphlets about being uncorrupted. Kind of makes me think of those awkward puberty pamphlets you get from school.

The next few minutes are just the trailer.

Connie's preparing for college. I'm so proud. 😊

Pearl teaching gems how to use phones is just golden. Also Holo Pearl is back.

"took me forever to pull those puny green earthlings out of the ground" "you mean grass"

People are gonna hate me for saying this but I actually kind of feel bad for Jasper I think she's bored. She just wants to fight maybe she can take up boxing or wrestling. You know what never mind she'll kill the first person who steps in the ring.

F I G H T M E!

Steven putting a bubble around baby birds to protect them from him and Jasper's fight is purest thing I've seen on the show.

Pink Steven shows up but we already knew about that.

Steven seeking guidance from Jasper disturbs me. This obviously isn't going to end well.

Guidance

Guidance counselor amethyst!

Mr. Smiley has gem employees now maybe he can finally get some sleep. Does anyone remember that?

Amethyst assigned human jobs to the gems and a lot of them are doing jobs they did on homeworld. Steven has a big problem with that but I'm not going to be quick to judge him because I also had a problem with it and I'm sure I'm not the only one who did.

I thought little larimar would be smaller

Larimar and snowflake have I've powers. It's really hard not to make a Frozen joke.

Snowflake seems to have a "male" voice like rainbow 2.0 I think it's Ian Jones-Quarty voicing them but I could be wrong so don't get your hopes up.

I just hope people won't start thinking the gems have genders. The gems don't have genders and I'm tired of explaining that to people.

"I wish to hear the humans scream forever" - little Larimar 2019

Steven is becoming a bit of a control freak that must be the diamond in him.

Uncle Andy is back.

One of the rubies has a #1 body guard mug. I love the idea of a Ruby drinking coffee

As expected Steven forcing gems to do things they suck at goes horribly wrong and now there's all kinds of crazy stuff happening including a runaway rollercoaster.

SMOKY QUARTZ RETURNS!!

Pink smoky and they have super speed now or Steven has super speed. they're so fast everything is slow motion like that one episode of regular show with the double glazed apple fritters.

For some odd reason amethyst never questions Steven's new abilities but then again she probably doesn't know that it might be a bad thing.

Some of the gems actually enjoy what they did on homeworld. Amethyst is a really good guidance counselor I'm really looking forward to seeing more of this in the future.

"sometimes you save all the people and the rollercoaster still crashes into the ocean....and that's okay" words of wisdom.

Amethyst found out who she is and what she wants to do.

Larimar likes children and now she hands out prizes for them at one of the game stands.

"I love their laughter it's sounds just like screaming"

"OH NO WE FORGOT ONION!!! eh he's fine"

Onion is immortal apparently. Whatever it's onion don't question his logic.

Rose buds

The homeworld humans are back! They've taken control of the zoo after the diamonds freed everyone and now it's a cruise ship.

J10 and y6 being salty about Greg not choosening them. J10 annoyed at the amethysts for being lazy. I guess he doesn't realize that's how cruise ships work.

Holly blue agate and the famethyst are back! Holly doesn't know how to relax.

THE BUBBLED ROSE QUARTZ GEMS ARE FREE AND THEY ACT LIKE TEENAGERS. THEY'RE SO CUTE!

They consider Steven their hero and are super excited to see what the Earth has become since they've been. There's only three of them staying.

Steven feels overwhelmed by all their questions and accidentally invites them to dinner.

Only three of the roses come a bubbly rose, a laid back rose and the one we saw in the trailer

As expected it's super awkward for everyone the gang isn't ready to face them yet.

They call carrots carrot beans and it's so adorable. I love them so much.

Greg considers the human zoo humans his exes. He mentions he hasn't had this many exes in one place since and then he's cut off I would like to know more about Greg's exes and the incident he was talking about.

"I can feel the rest of my hair falling out!" -Greg Universe 2019 seriously though poor Greg.

They all hide in the bathroom.

The rose quartz want to stay with Steven. he's uncomfortable around them but doesn't want to seem rude and hurt their feelings or make them feel unwelcome.

SLUMBER PARTY!!!

Steven tells the roses how he really feels and turns out they were faking their feelings too. They're really hurt over what happened and they know what Steven is going through with the whole pink diamond fiasco and their conflicting feelings regarding her. It's a very sweet and touching moment between them.

Steven considers them siblings now because they were all created by pink diamond and understand what it's like living in Rose's shadow

I know they don't stay on earth with Steven but I hope we get to see the roses again before the series ends.

Volleyball

Doctor Steven > Doctor Mario don't @ me.

long necked Ruby is hilarious

Pink Pearl's crack can't be healed by Steven's spit.

She doesn't remember being under White's control which makes sense. She was under her control for 8000 years.

So Pink hurt pink pearl why am I not surprised? 😒

I think she's still grieving obviously. Again trailer stuff.

Pink pearl is older than pearl

Some Pearls were made on Earth and the facility doubles as a repair shop. It also has accessories basically it's like a place where you can get your phone fixed and shop for phone cases and other stuff.

Pink pearl is a ribbon dancer. That's what they're called right?

The problem isn't her gem it's a psychological thing.

Gems can damage their physical forms without damaging their gem. That's very interesting and I don't think we've seen this in the show before.

Pink had destructive tendencies It was a tantrum that hurt pink pearl after being denied a planet and gave her PTSD or something similar.

Maybe it was PD hurting Pink pearl that made the other diamonds realize she was a force to be reckoned with and that led to them giving into her demands and giving her Earth.

Seems like those destructive tendencies are starting to come out through pink Steven. Maybe the corrupted Steven theory is right?

Steven should really consider anger management but hey puberty will do that to you. Just kidding I am genuinely concerned.

Apparently the Pearls were both in denial and kept making excuses, never really accepting who PD really was. pink pearl kept saying "she didn't mean to hurt me" this is clearly a metaphor for abuse.

The crack must've been caused by her burying her feelings.

I swear rose/pink gets worse every episode I get she was abused herself but that's not a good enough excuse. Not saying I don't like pink diamond l just hate the things she's done.

I love how the two Pearls bonded over pink hurting them and how they never stopped hurting. it's so sweet and wholesome how can you not ship it? Pearl's gotta stick together.

PEARL FUSION SHE HAS A CAPE!!! SHE LOOKS LIKE A QUEEN!!

I'm assuming the fusion's name is red pearl.

I can't tell if it's a different voice actor playing the pearl or if Deedee is speaking in a low voice.

They didn't show pink Pearl's eye so whether or not if it's healed is up for interpretation.

I think this is easily my favorite episode so far.

[omni-8bit]

Get to Know Me

Tagged by @pigeontheoneandonly ​ Thanks so much!

Tagging @natsora @ieatlazers @renwritesstuff @theoreticallye @hayleyzorel and @your-favorite-queer-activist . No obligations, of course!

Who were you named after? Nope. I was named in a panic last second. My ultrasound initially determined I was male (because of hand placement or something) and my mom wanted to name me Emilio after her grandfather. My dad was in the military and serving in Germany at the time so my mom sent him a letter but he couldn’t read my mother’s cursive and thought she’d written “Elmo.” Needless to say, my dad vetoed the name real quick. Then I was affectionately just referred to as Junior. BUT THEN I WAS BORN and they panicked. At first, they were going to name me Ariel but my mom didn’t want me to be made fun of because The Little Mermaid had just come out and also both of my sisters have names that start with “A’s.” So, literally at random, my mom suggested Brittany and they agreed. My middle name, however, is a shortened version of my mom’s middle name which is the name of her grandmother. So... kinda? I don’t know. I’m just still salty about growing up with the name Brittany in the 90′s and early 2000′s because EVERYONE was named Brittany (or some iteration thereof).

Last time you cried? Uh... gosh. I have no idea. I’m not a crier. It’s pretty rare for me to do so.

Do you like your handwriting? Sure... but it changes so drastically depending on what I’m writing with and if an old hand injury is flaring up. But for the most part, I like it.

What is your favorite lunch meat? Turkey.

Longest relationship? My current one. We’re at three years and a month.

Do you still have your tonsils? Nope! They swelled so badly in the second grade that they cut off my airways and made me pass out on more than one occasion. So they came out the following summer.

What is your favorite kind of cereal? It’s boring, but honestly, Corn Chex.

Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Nope!

Do you think you’re strong willed? Proudly so.

Favorite Ice Cream? Mint Chocolate chip!

What is the first thing you notice about a person? Life pre-covid... a person’s smile. Life with covid... their tone of voice.

Football or baseball? Softball.

Favorite donut? Apple Fritters count, right?

Last thing you ate? Sweet potato fries.

What are you listening to? I’ve recently become obsessed with the band Hoity Toity. But I’m usually listening to game soundtracks if I’m being honest.

If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Shamrock or Jungle Green.

What is your favorite smell? The smell of evergreen trees and the ocean wafting together as waves hit rocky shores. Okay - that was a super extra way to describe it, but I’m dead serious. It’s my favorite mixture of smells and it is very much a thing I grew up with in Southeast Alaska.

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? The receptionist at work.

Hair color? dark brown with blonde highlights.

Eye color? Green-yellow.

Favorite food to eat? It’s a toss between Sushi or Japanese Curry, both of which I make at home frequently.

Scary movies or happy ending? Happy endings. I scare way too easily to ever get any sort of enjoyment from a scary film.

Last movie you watched in a theater? Birds of Prey.

What color shirt are you wearing? It’s gray with a rainbow across the chest. It’s my pride tank top because it hawt out and it’s one of two tank tops I own.

Favorite holiday? Halloween

Beer or wine? Neither. I rarely drink but when I do it is Cider.

Night owl or morning person? Generally tired afternoon waterfowl?

Favorite day of the week? Currently Sunday because it’s the day of the week i get to skype with a lot of my friends and play table top RPG’s together via distance.

Favorite animal? Bats. Owls are a close second.

Do you have a pet? Yes! His name is Twig and he’s a two year old border collie/lab rescue who is missing over half his teeth (because he survived distemper as a puppy before we adopted him and it ruined his enamel. Now he has a lolly tongue and it’s pretty cute).

Where would you like to travel? Japan first, then England Italy.

[loquaciousquark]

8th August. Genuinely cool today, glorious! Won’t last

I keep having to go to the keep for sundry Champion paperwork ephemera, and I noticed last week there’s a stain right at the bottom of the steps. It looks brown and stubborn despite the scrub-marks on the stone around it—in fact, it’s where Dumar’s head landed, and now that I’ve seen it I can’t stop seeing it. I asked Aveline, and she said she’s noticed it too. She tried to get at it herself with lye while I was out, but she said it wouldn’t budge. I didn’t even know stone could take up blood like that... although I suppose Kirkwall would be the place prone to that kind of thing.

There’s still no news of a new Viscount. Bran’s running the place as best he can (which, as it happens, would be a good deal better if he’d stop wasting so much time rolling his eyes at me every time he sees me), but Lady Ashbridge said on Pelarie’s visit last week that there’s rumors Meredith’s just going to run the city instead. Surely they won’t let that happen, though--how much power does one person need?

Then again...it’s Kirkwall.

I should talk to Varric.

In other news, took Sebastian to dinner the other day as thanks for accompanying me to the ball. Went to the Lime Pavilion, which has a twenty-sov minimum plate, but with Varric at the helm all my money does these days is make lots of tinier little baby monies, so I might as well get some use out of it. He had beef that came in a glass bowl with gold around the edges, and I had fish that was cut in the shape of a fish. Made it even worse that it was the most delicious thing I’ve had in months.

Spent the whole meal quietly panicking about which of my three forks to use. Serves me right for trying to cater to royalty’s nobler instincts. Sebastian covered for me well, but I’d just as soon sit with Isabela off the docks, swigging green liquor from a cracked bottle.

Haven’t heard from her even once since Cloudreach. I hope she’s alive.

16th August. Light showers all day, just enough to curl my hair into a right rat’s nest

I think I’m going to set Pelarie up with my next-door neighbor. Jule’s clever and kind and not quite as flat beneath her mother’s foot, and she’s got a great deal more in common with Pelarie than I do. Forgot to get a bit of drake ichor out from behind my ears the other day and Pelarie turned so green she might have grown gills. Her mother didn’t care for it either. Need to stop being jealous over people with mothers Besides, even if Jule’s not as flashy a catch she’s likely got a much better life expectancy.

Meant that to be funny, not bitter. Ah, well.

23rd August. Cooler again, a bit salty with some northerly winds off the Coast

Had a nice moment today I didn’t expect. I was sitting out back under the yew tree, trying to see if I felt any different with only one kidney, when I heard the back door open and out came Sandal with a bit of wood and a carving knife. He didn’t say anything, just sat next to me on the stone bench, and quietly began shaping it into something small, something with wings. It was...

It was rather lovely, actually.

Made up for this miserable All Soul’s Day at the beginning of August. Everyone dancing on their toes around Mother, as if I might turn to glass at the slightest memory of her. Can’t help but feel Isabela would have

Sandal hummed something I almost recognized while he was sitting with me. Then Bodahn came out and that moment was gone, but in favor of one just as pleasant, because he sat with us on the bench too (the benefit of a wide bench and two dwarvish sets of hips, I suppose), and with only the teensiest bit of coaxing he began telling us (me?) about some of his travels with the Hero of Ferelden.

Some days I wish I were her. Or--at least I wish I had her enemies. It must have been so nice knowing what you fought was evil through and through.

24th August. Still cool

Dreamed last night that I was trying to save Mother from the foundry, but she kept turning into darkspawn. Might know they’re evil, but that doesn’t help the horror at the twisted, slavering teeth. At least Meredith is people-shaped.

Ugh. Can’t get rid of these chills. I wonder if Varric has anything that needs doing.

2nd Kingsway. Saw the first orange leaf today and nearly cried from joy

Went to the Gallows this morning to talk to Solivitus. Had some harlot’s blush I thought he might like, which he did, but for the first time I found myself not entirely at ease with the way the templars’ eyes followed me the whole trip. I hadn’t been there since the Arishok, and Maker but was I glad Fenris and Aveline came with me. I don’t think they’d try anything without Meredith’s say-so, but this was the first time I felt that little tingling what-if in the back of my skull telling me I’d better watch my hide.

We’d be packing up tonight, if this were Lothering.

Anyway, while I was there I saw a girl that looked terribly familiar darting about between some of those market stands. Turns out she’s Pelarie’s little sister--not sixteen yet--who got caught making inkwells tip over from the back of the room while she was away at school. The Ashbridges called some favors and had her placed here, where they could visit.

More than I thought of Lady Ashbridge, even if I wouldn’t send my most hated feather boa into their care. (Meant the Gallows templars, but to be quite honest the Ashbridges too)

Pelarie says she’s been trying to send their grandmother’s necklace to her, but she’s afraid they’ll take it away. Jule (very kind about me crashing their tea) said she’d heard Gallows apprentices are allowed very few personal possessions, but she knew a family who used to send their son fritters and preserves and things all the time, so there might be some strings to pull if I can find them.

Well. What’s this damned title for, if not string-pulling?

8th Kingsway. Brisk and with the faintest smell of those crisp autumn apples from the cart down the street

Went to the Gallows again today. Saw Cullen, who sighs when I come into his office but at least doesn’t reach for a guardswhistle, and told him I wanted Pelarie’s sister to be given her family necklace. He argued with me for a good bit about keeping apprentices’ focus sharp on their studies and the risk of reminders of family ties compromising their emotional blah blah blah blah.

I said I’d work on that rumor about the blood mage cult springing up in Darktown if he’d let her keep it, and he said yes.

My skin has been crawling since I left that place, and that was almost three hours ago.

What if that were me? What if that were Bethany?

Later

For the first time in my life, I thought to myself “thank goodness she died first” after I wrote that line above and it’s rattled me so badly that I can’t

I hate

how could

Maker, I hate

15th Kingsway. One last damned heat wave. The Maker is mocking me. Or Andraste is instead, and I’ve just been rejected by every higher power who ever thought twice about sending this city even the faintest zephyr of relief

Asked Toby today if he wanted another dog in the house. He gave me the archest look I’ve ever seen on a mabari’s face and stalked in high dudgeon to the back garden, where he very deliberately pissed on the stone bench. Haven’t offended him that badly since I tied him all over in yellow ribbon and asked him to dance the Remigold with me.

I’d forgotten how drunk I was at that party

Anders and Merrill and I are going out to the southern side of Sundermount tomorrow. Anders needs elfroot and more spindleweed, and Merrill thinks there might be a supply of ironbark somewhere there she can use to create or work on or something for her arulin...oh, hells. How the Void do you spell that word?

I was considering asking Varric for a fourth just in case, as Aveline has another (and another and another and another) evening with Donnic planned. For as much as she went through getting to this city in the first place, I hate to take her away from the one shining light she’s found in it so far.

On the other hand, she does have our own glorious friendship as a second equally bright shining light. Maybe I can call that in as the cheap bargaining tactician I am.

Later.

Aveline said no.

Varric said no.

Sebastian said no.

Merrill said “arulin’holm.”

Fenris said yes, then no when he heard who was going, and then yes again when I said Anders they would probably be so interested in their own collecting that Anders they would hardly have time to needle.

Also, I begged.

16th Kingsway. I am cursed beyond the ken of mortal memory

We’re stranded on the damned mountain.

It was cloudy when we left and it only got darker, but everyone said to keep going, we could beat the rain before it got bad. Ha! Had to take a narrow path to get to this ironbark of Merrill’s, and while we were up the cliffs a freak storm came from nowhere and washed the whole path to a great lot of boulders and rotten logs. Stopped raining not twenty minutes later, but the damage was already done. Merrill’s been looking for another way down but it’s almost dusk and I think we’ll have to camp.

I keep expecting Fenris and Anders to be either furious or intolerably snippy, but every time I accidentally make eye contact (despite the enormous effort I’m exerting to avoid exactly that), they both seem perfectly cheerful. Well, as cheerful as they get. Anders even smiled at some comment Fenris made about how once when he slept outside, a handful of territorial crows chased him right out of a tree.

Almost said it could be worse. At least Merrill’s managed to get a fire going—everything’s soaked to the bone.

24th Kingsway. Still cold, damp, foggy, grey

Made it home from Sundermount, obviously, and all four of us have the most glorious head colds to show for it. Merrill and I ended up having to carve through a good deal of the detritus from the landslide with magic, which even Fenris didn’t blink at given the alternative was another night in open air. Cold, frosty open air, with occasional winds sharp enough to split a nosehair.

I was strongly inclined to see what Anders’s healing could do for this, but he says a head cold won’t kill any of us and it’s good to let the body fight on its own occasionally, which sounded so much like my father I left his clinic in perfect childlike resentment.

That was yesterday. Surely if I tell him I’m dying today he won’t mind if I touch myself up, just a little. My nose is both so stuffy I can’t breathe and running so badly I’ve taken to shoving napkins up it all morning.

How blightedly unfair. All this nonsense and I can’t even breathe to complain about it properly.

25th Kingsway. See previous, bloody unchanged, and no I’m not upset about it, why do you ask

Maker and all his holy works, but Fenris is pitiful. Never have I ever seen an elf laid so low by a little fever and a stopped nose. I went over this morning with some of Orana’s father’s soup just in case, but he was cocooned so deep in his blankets all I could see was the very tip of one dark, pointed ear. Then he told me to go away with the saddest little sneeze right in the middle of a word.

Made him finish the soup and drink an entire glass of water. He called me a Tevinter word that he claims means “sadist,” but he did at least un-cocoon long enough to say goodbye.

I keep wondering if he’s ever had anyone bother to care he was sick before—at least, that he remembers. Somehow I doubt it.

26th Kingsway, somewhere around midnight, I don’t know

Fenris’s fever worsened all day today, until by late afternoon I couldn’t rouse him properly. Anders came by around dinner and must have seen the panic in my face, because the first thing he told me after examining him was that he’d be fine. He left a vial of something thick—I recognized the elfroot and I think embrium, but to be honest I was watching Fenris struggle to turn over—and said he should have a teaspoon every hour until breakfast tomorrow. He said he’d be fine. We just have to wait for the fever to take its course.

Flames, he looks awful, even asleep. Grey in the face and he’s got a chesty cough that sounds wet. The first time it happened I had a violent flash to Carver in the Deep Roads and nearly upset the lunch tray. Anders and I both worked what healing we could, but there’s only so much to be done for something like this. Maker, my father’s death taught me that, and that was almost ten years ago.

Anders said he’d be fine. He didn’t even stay, which of itself is enough to tell me there’s nothing to worry about.

If Fenris feels half as bad as he looks, he must feel like death.

Later. Early?

Failed to occur to me that in the absence of pinned candles, the only way to make sure Fenris gets one of these doses every hour is to stay up myself.

Not much gets by my eagle’s eyes these days, but I suppose even the most avid hunter misses one once in a while.

3rd bell

Hawk’s eyes. Damn!

4th bell and a bit

Fenris woke up this time, just for a few minutes. He’s not really been present since afternoon, so it was...it was a relief to see lucidity. Tired, too, but one must make allowances here and there.

He was enough himself to complain about the sourness of the potion. I told him if he felt able to be picky about the taste he ought to be able to take another cup of soup and some water, and he called me the Tevinter sadist again.

He just went back to sleep, but he still looks terrible. His breathing is better, though.

Almost 5th bell, still dark as pitch

First time I’ve ever been truly glad I live so close to this blasted elf. Was able to run home and dig out some spare linens from one of Orana’s closets before I had to wake him again. He’s sweated his pillow through and his sheets are soaked. If he’s still improving on this next dose I’ll roll him off long enough to get the fresh sheets down.

Half past, still darker than light outside, though the horizon’s fading a bit grey

He just went back to sleep. Got the new sheets on—he didn’t understand why at first, which...I didn’t know what to say to that except that I knew he’d feel acres better on clean, dry bedclothes, and I intended to change them whether he was willing or not.

He wouldn’t admit it out loud, but it was plain he was relieved to be out of that damp mess.

I was too, if I’m being honest.

Anyway, he wasn’t eager to go back to sleep after, despite the potion putting him just a touch loopy. We chatted about...oh, nothing of consequence, only Toby and apples and Varric’s latest pamphlet about the Championship ceremony and how the weight of that iron circlet has bent better heads than mine, and only time will tell how I carry its burden, etc, etc. Sometimes I wish Varric lent a little less effort to dramatic irony and a little more to my public credentiality. Credentials?

Talked a bit about Stinton and Pelarie and the rest, too. I told him I was doing well enough with their mothers, but that Lady Ashbridge might resent me pushing Pelarie into the arms of another woman right under her nose. Ah, but such is the uneven course of love.

He asked me about his sister twice near the end, which was how I knew the potion was kicking in at last. I had nothing I could tell him either way, and the second time I’m not even certain he was talking to me.

He asked if she was real. Maker, I wish I knew.

It’s not right that no one but me cares if Fenris is uncomfortable in illness-damp sheets.

Almost seventh bell, flames

Dozed off in the chair with the broken foot just before sixth bell. Didn’t come close to waking until a marvelously inconsiderate sunbeam punched me right in the eyes over Fenris’s windowsill, at which point I dropped my elbow off the armrest and gave myself whiplash trying not to tumble from the chair altogether.

Other arm stayed put, though, and Fenris didn’t even stir, which is the only reason I know he took hold of my hand while I was asleep—and possibly while he was asleep, which is the only reason I refuse to read more into it. His fingers were laced through mine, and the lyrium was humming ever so faintly, just enough that I could feel the—the shiver as I let him go.

I could have stayed there for hours, I think, if I hadn’t pulled the Void out of my neck sleeping sideways in that chair.

His color’s almost normal again, though he’s still a trifle wan. Thank you, Andraste. Not that I was worried.

I wasn’t worried. Anders said he’d be fine. I just wanted--someone this sick ought to have a friend take care of them until they’re well. Everyone deserves at least that much. 

Ah, I think he’s beginning to wake up.

[anachef]

First Look and Review! The NEW Jaleo by Chef José Andrés in Disney Springs

Bienvenido to Jaleo by Chef José Andrés!

Learn About: Jaleo

Downtown Disney Disney World Restaurants

Newly open in Disney Springs, this is the fifth Jaleo location in the U.S. (the restaurant has its origins in Washington, D.C. where it opened in 1993). So Jaleo already comes accompanied with a well-earned reputation for showcasing the authentic Spanish cuisine of Chef Andrés through a variety of shared plates along with paellas, sangria, Spanish cheeses and wines and much more.

But Chef Andrés is not only known for his cooking. Among other and numerous accolades and awards, he has been named both “Outstanding Chef” and “Humanitarian of the Year” by the James Beard Foundation and received the 2015 National Humanities Medal from the National Endowment for the Humanities. Chef Andrés was also nominated for the 2019 Nobel Peace Prize for disaster relief work through World Central Kitchen, the non-profit organization he founded in 2010.

We have been looking forward to the opening of Jaleo in Disney Springs for some time now, and we are so excited to bring you along for our first visit!

Jaleo

Atmosphere

The Disney Springs location presents the biggest Jaleo yet.

Welcome to Jaleo

Aside from the sheer size of the multi-level restaurant, the other striking aspect are the red, orange, and gold “citrus-inspired hues” you see decorating the space upon setting foot inside.

Jaleo

Jaleo

Jaleo

Even with the vivid color scheme, the space still feels bright and open with light colored wood tabletops and clean lines. But there are also some decorative elements that are just plain fun surrounding the mixed booth and chair seating.

Jaleo

Jaleo

Jaleo

I have read the word “vibrant” used to describe Jaleo, and it certainly applies!

Jaleo

Jaleo

The setting manages to be both upscale and whimsical at the same time. I mean, who would NOT want to sit at the Foosball Table?!

Foosball Table

Other unique features include onstage kitchens.

Seating by onstage kitchen

Most notable is the huge wood fire paella pit for preparing the authentic paellas!

Paella Pit

They will prepare two paellas every night here — one vegetarian and one meat. The choices will rotate, but just a note that the restaurant has been best known for the classic Valencia Paella.

Paella Pit

A special Opening Night cutting board was even on display at the paella pit for the big day!

Jaleo Opening Day 3-17-19

Bar seating is also available for guests in a few areas.

Bar seating

The upstairs space features, among other things, the Jaleo Academy.

Jaleo Academy

This space has eleven seats and in the future may be booked for demonstrations, wine or sherry pairings and the like!

Jaleo Academy

And there is a fairly large area of outdoor patio seating as well.

Outdoor seating

Outdoor seating

And finally, a selection of merchandise is also available to remember your visit. Here is just a sampling…

“I’m a Jaleo Fan”

Made in Spain Cookbook

Jaleo Merchandise

And you can even pick up “We Fed An Island,” written by the Chef himself.

We Fed An Island

We’re only getting started, my friends! Let’s keep going…

Eats

Are you ready for this? Settle in and get comfy…

Jaleo Menu

… because the menu for Jaleo’s traditional and contemporary Spanish cuisine is seriously huge! We do want to note: the menu you see below is what guests will receive when the restaurant settles into its groove in about one to two weeks. (For opening night, the menu was somewhat abbreviated.)

Jaleo Menu

Jaleo Menu

Jaleo Menu

Jaleo Menu

Jaleo Menu

Jaleo Menu

Jaleo Menu

Jaleo Menu

Jaleo Menu

Jaleo Menu

Jaleo Menu

Jaleo Menu

Jaleo Menu

From tapas galore to cheese and meat plates to salads to paellas and more, there’s so much here to enjoy picking and choosing and sharing among family and friends. Even for the kids…

Kids’ Menu

But, of course, we can’t forget drinks to start!

Cocktail Menu

Cocktail Menu

The Salt Air Margarita is MiLagro Blanco tequila and Combier L’Original with lime and salt air.

Salt Air Margarita

The “salt air” means that it’s topped with a salty foam as opposed to a traditional salt rim. And let me tell you… it’s seriously salty!

Salt Air Margarita

Sipped on its own, the foam is too intense, but the drink comes together well when it’s sipped together with the margarita.

Wine Menu cover

“Choose Your Wine Style”

The lovely Cuvee Jose sparkling wine is only available at Jaleo in Disney Springs!

Cuvee Jose Sparkling Wine

It’s a dry wine, and really enjoyable.

Moving onto the food, each item comes out as it is ready. We’re starting here with the Jamon Iberico de Bellota Cortado a Mano which presents a serving of 36 to 48-month cured ham from the free range ibcerco pigs of Spain. It is hand-carved and served tableside by a server who took classes in carving the meat and plating the dish.

Jamon Iberico

Served with small pieces of crunchy bread, this is simply delectable. It’s not overly salty and the fats melts away, unlike a prosciutto.

Jamon Iberico

It’s recommended, by the way, that you pair it with cheeses. And when have you ever known the DFB to go without a cheese plate? For the Quesos, you can choose a selection of three or five cheeses.

Three Cheeses

Our choice of three included Payoyo (a creamy goat’s milk cheese) with Marcona almonds, Machengo with apples, and Queso Massimo (an Asturian raw cow’s milk cheese “made exclusively for Chef José Andrés and Jaleo”).

Three Cheeses

The Queso Massimo, in particular, is super soft and creamy, and was the favorite at our table. The Manchego offers a nice nutty taste that pairs well with the apples. The Payoyo was the strongest of the three, yet not overwhelming.

Pan de Cristal con Tomate takes the Spanish crispy bread and brushes it with fresh tomato.

Pan de Cristal con Tomate

It presents so much flavor for something so simple! You can also mix and match and top with the ham or your cheeses.

The Aceitunas Modernas y Clasicas presents ‘Ferran Adria” liquid olives and gordal olives from Spain stuffed with piquillo pepper and anchovy. Our server recommended it as an especially interesting option.

Aceitunas Modernas y Clasicas

The olives are prepared with “molecular gastronomy” and you’re advised to pop the whole olive in your mouth, then press it against the roof of your mouth and it will explode! Fans of olives really should put this on their must-try list.

The Croquetas de Pollo are traditional chicken fritters. But the presentation is anything but traditional!

Croquetas de Pollo

Chef Andres had a special plate made to resemble the pillow which held Cinderella’s glass slipper. Even better, the chicken fritters themselves were one of the best things we ate all night.

Croquetas de Pollo

The light crust (almost like a hush puppy) surrounds a flavorful center featuring shredded chicken and a creamy béchamel sauce that is cooked for TWO days! The recipe comes by way of the Chef’s mother.

You might hear something unexpected in Jaleo… a cowbell rings when a Paella is ready! (“More cowbell!”)

Paella Valencia

Ours was the classic Valencia Paella: chicken, rabbit, lima and green beans and the seasonal veggie of artichoke. And it’s fabulous. The rabbit is gamey in that it’s chewier than the chicken, but still not tough. And the entire dish is bursting with flavor from the terrific seasonings, too, with lots of rosemary and saffron.

The Gambas al Ajillo is the “very, very famous tapa” of plump shrimp sautéed with garlic.

Gambas al Ajillo

It’s served with Flauta bread to dip into the garlic olive oil sauce.

Flauta

And last — but not least — of our tapas are the highly recommended traditional bacon-wrapped dates, Datiles cob Tocino.

Datiles cob Tocino

The bacon comes through nice and strong against the sweet dates.

Datiles cob Tocino

Ok, when I said “last,” you didn’t think we’d forget dessert, did you? We went with two recommendations: the Flan and the Olive Oil Ice Cream.

Dessert Menu

The Flan is the classic Spanish custard with “espuma” of Cantain cream and oranges. It’s the recipe of Chef Andres’ grandmother.

Flan

The whipped cream has hints of cinnamon and citrus, and the flan is so creamy, yet not super heavy after a big dinner.

Flan

The Citrocos con helado de scite de oliva is Olive Oil Ice Cream with grapefruit. You definitely need to enjoy grapefruit because the dessert has chilled grapefruit chunks and even grapefruit candy.

Olive Oil Ice Cream with grapefruit

The olive oil is both in the ice cream and drizzled on top. It’s not something I typically would have ordered, but it’s very unique and quite good!

Olive Oil Ice Cream with grapefruit

And with that we’ve enjoyed our first, but not last, evening at Jaleo!

Overall

Our first visit to Jaleo was — quite simply — a wonderful experience. We enjoyed great service in a beautiful setting. And due to the huge variety in the tapas-style dining, and Jaleo’s menu in particular, there’s something sure to satisfy just about every guest from the pickiest to the most adventurous eaters. Better yet, it’s delicious, with every item we tried packed with flavor. Jaleo, as it turns out, was very much worth the wait, and we’re glad it’s in Disney Springs at last!

Some logistics: in its opening phase, Jaleo is open for dinner beginning at 5:00 PM. However, later this month lunch service will start daily as well. Guests participating on the Disney Dining Plan will want to know that Jaleo is a signature location requiring two table service credits. Reservations were not available for this evening, but interested guests may soon call for reservations at (321) 348-3211 or visit OpenTable.com, and reservations will also soon be available through the Disney World website or by calling (407) WDW-DINE.

Don’t Miss Out on Any Disney Fun!

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With mini-reviews of every single restaurant, bar, lounge, kiosk and more; an entire chapter on the best snacks in Disney World; full Disney Dining Plan analysis (and how to get FREE dining); and a full chapter on discounts and deals; you’ll have everything you need to plan your best vacation yet. Click here to order your copy of the 2019 DFB Guide to Walt Disney World Dining E-book with code WDW2019 to save 25% today!

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Will you be dining at Jaleo? Please let us know with a comment!

Related posts:

Take a Sneak Peek at the Menu Coming to Jaleo in Disney Springs!

When Will Jaleo By Chef José Andrés Open in Disney Springs?

What’s the Latest on Jaleo’s Opening Date in Disney Springs?

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[ericpoptone]

Last Sunday, the Super Bowl took place. For the 98.7% of the world’s population who didn’t watch this televised spectacle; it featured billionaire Enos Stanley Kroenke‘s Rams in competition with billionaire Robert Kraft’s Patriots; the musical stylings of the Empress of Soul (Gladys Knight), Proactiv’s Maroon 5, Kardashian rapper Travis Scott, and Big Boi; as well as no doubt hilarious advertisements for products sold by Amazon, Anheuser-Busch, CBS, Mars, Microsoft, and Walt Disney.

Despite the fact that most Americans don’t watch the soporific Super Bowl — an estimated 70% of the country did not tune in for any part of the roughly nine-hour long spectacle during which time the ball was actually in play for only about twelve minutes — Super Bowl Sunday has emerged, in recent years, into what some trade publications appetizingly describe it as the “second largest food consumption event of the year” after Thanksgiving. It all seems a bit Ancient Rome to me — and as someone who loves holidays feasts (especially pagan ones), I decided last December to host a Super Bowl party without any Super Bowl — something I call “Thanksgiving II.”

One of the things I love about Thanksgiving [I] is its pronounced autumnal character (autumn is one of my top four favorite seasons). On Thanksgiving, even people who think that “seasonal eating” means Shamrock Shakes in spring and Pumpkin Spice Lattes in fall get closer to the actual spirit. Apples, baked winter squash, beans and rice, Beaujolais Nouveau, boiled onions, Brussels sprouts, cider, collard greens, cornbread, cranberry sauce, fruit cake, grapes, hickory nut cake, lasagna, mashed potatoes and gravy, parsnip fritters, pecan pie, pickles, potato salad, pumpkin pie, sauerkraut, stuffing, and sweet potatoes all make sense to eat at autumn’s conclusion.

Thanksgiving II — which falls on the first Sunday of February, takes place near the end of winter — about halfway between the winter solstice and the spring equinox and toward the end of winter by meteorological reckoning. It occurs, in other words, around the same time as Imbolc, Candlemas (and thus, Groundhog Day), Setsubun, Lunar New Year, and of course, Lupercalia. It also thus marks the beginning of several vegetables’ “spring seasons.” Carrots are back, as is celery, which is handy because both are commonly eaten at Super Bowl Party’s dipped in Blue cheese dressing. Small, sweet, turnips also appear around this time, and I mixed them with potatoes to make a sort of mashed “neeps and tatties.” Having more potatoes than I could handle, I also roasted some with garlic and rosemary from the garden. I also cooked collard greens — now at the peak of their season — which I would’ve mixed with turnip greens but they’d already been removed by the time they made it to the market.

The roots of Thanksgiving II are in an annual American football competition, first held in 1967. It seems, from pictures, that straw boaters were once typically worn for such events — although I’m not sure why and sadly that practice seems to have faded long ago and the favored headgear of today’s jocks — regardless of sport — is the lowly baseball cap, usually unflatteringly worn backward.

Interestingly, whereas the first Thanksgiving was observed by the Wampanoag and the Pilgrims of Plymouth Colony, the first Super Bowl paired the team of Greenbay, Wisconsin‘s Indian Packing Company with the Chiefs team of Kansas City, Missouri — two teams at least nominally connected to Native America. The annual match used to take place in January but was moved to February in 2002, following a postponement of the season on account of the terror attacks of 11 September, which took place the previous year.

This being my first Thanksgiving II, it was a bit of a learning experience…

I had decided that I would bake the pizzas at 3:30, when the actual football game begins. This was another mistake, because due to the large number of guests and the potluck nature of the buffet, there was also a massive quantity of non-pizza foods including salad, seitan jerky, grapes, pies (pecan and pumpkin), pigs-in-a-blanket, veggie chicken, as well as cheese and crackers. The vegan neighbor brought a jug of kombucha as well as a dish made of broccoli and kinwa. Because of the pre-pizza feast, by kick-off, everyone was too full to eat any more and the pizzas were thus never baked. Next year I will serve the traditional pizzas alongside the sides, pass-arounds, and hors d’oeuvres.

After pizza, the second-most traditional food at Super Bowl parties is the Buffalo wing — a food made of a section of a chicken’s wing which is deep-fried and subsequently coated or dipped in a sauce composed of a vinegar-based cayenne pepper sauce and melted butter. It was invented at Anchor Bar in Buffalo, New York by Teressa Bellissimo. Although invented in 1964, I don’t remember ever hearing of them until sometime around the early ’00s, perhaps after the 2003-founding of WingStreet and incidentally, around the time cauliflower wings began to appear on the menus of sports bars I occasionally found myself dragged to. Because wings are apparently so important (and I am vegetarian), I had planned to buy mock chicken at Silom in Thai Town by one guest made cauliflower wings from a questionable recipe (it called for breading). I’m still not entirely clear about “dipping sauces,” although a co-worker endeavored to explain them to me. Is a dipping sauce distinct from a condiment? Do people make their own or buy them? Where those sauces developed on Breaking Bad for Pollos Hermanos (e.g. “Kick-ass Cajun, “Franch,” and “Honey mustard”)? Still not sure, I put out bottles of brown sauce, dumpling sauce, gogigui sauce, hoisin sauce, lechon sauce, salsa picante, and sriracha.

Chips, both potato and corn varieties, are traditional fare for Super Bowl parties — as are their associated dips and sauces such guacamole, pico de gallo, and “queso.” I first experienced “queso” a few years ago and at first, wondered why these Anglx friends of mine kept consistently (and I assumed, pretentiously) referring to cheese by its Spanish name. I soon learned that, in the Tex-Mex vernacular, not only does “queso” not refer to cheese — it doesn’t even refer to a dish made with cheese at all. Instead it refers to a corn chip dip made of “pasteurized processed cheese food product” (e.g. cheese-adjacent Velveeta®) and Ro-Tel® brand canned tomato and chili mix. In other words, it’s a bit like the Thanksgiving II equivalent of Campbell’s® green bean casserole — a corporate creation which despite its corporate origins is nevertheless pretty tasty. I put in a request from my friends who introduced me to the concoction but they instead brought a bag of pita bread.

Pretzels, popcorn, and nuts are also popular — the sort of salty snacks typically associated with dive bars and mass-produced and watery lagers. On this day, Americans consume around 424 million liters of beer and 94% of it is a macrobrew produced by either Anheuser-Busch or MillerCoors. As a wine drinker and this being winter, I was leaning toward full-bodied reds like Bordeaux blends, Cabernet Sauvignons, Malbecs, Syrahs, and Zinfandels. Had I gone white, I’d have chosen an oaked Chardonnay. It was pretty chilly out, in fact, and rain was pouring down. I thus entertained the notion of mulling the wine… but I’m glad that I didn’t. After trying to pace myself with red wine for nine hours, I learned just why people drinking for the long-haul favor lager.

So next year, I’ll bake the pizzas at the beginning, make sure queso is accounted for, buy lots of lager, and maybe start a bit later in the afternoon. Oh, and should you celebrate your own Thanksgiving II, the most important thing is to have fun… well that and to not watch the Super Bowl!

Eric Brightwell is an adventurer, writer, rambler, explorer, cartographer, and guerrilla gardener who is always seeking paid writing, speaking, traveling, and art opportunities. He is not interested in generating advertorials, cranking out clickbait, or laboring away in a listicle mill “for exposure.”

Brightwell has written for Angels Walk LA, Amoeblog, Boom: A Journal of California, diaCRITICS, Hidden Los Angeles, and KCET Departures. His art has been featured by the American Institute of Architects, the Architecture & Design Museum, the Craft & Folk Art Museum, Form Follows Function, Los Angeles County Store, the book Sidewalking, Skid Row Housing Trust, and 1650 Gallery. Brightwell has been featured as subject in The Los Angeles Times, Huffington Post, Los Angeles Magazine, LAist, CurbedLA, Eastsider LA, Boing Boing, Los Angeles, I’m Yours, and on Notebook on Cities and Culture. He has been a guest speaker on KCRW‘s Which Way, LA?, at Emerson College, and the University of Southern California. Art prints of Brightwell’s maps are available from 1650 Gallery. 

Brightwell is currently writing a book about Los Angeles and you can follow him on Ameba, Facebook, Goodreads, Instagram, Mubi, and Twitter.

Click here to offer financial support and thank you!

  Thanksgiving II; or, a Super Bowl Party for people who hate the Super Bowl Last Sunday, the Super Bowl took place. For the 98.7% of the world's population who didn't watch this televised spectacle; it featured billionaire Enos Stanley Kroenke's Rams in competition with billionaire Robert Kraft's Patriots; the musical stylings of the Empress of Soul (Gladys Knight), Proactiv's Maroon 5, Kardashian rapper Travis Scott, and Big Boi; as well as no doubt hilarious advertisements for products sold by Amazon, Anheuser-Busch, CBS, Mars, Microsoft, and Walt Disney.

[mischkebusiness]

I keep waking up in the middle of the night. Sometimes from the acid ravaging my esophagus from some annoying ailment, sometimes from the jet lag that sits heavy on my eyelids at two in the afternoon and pries them awake at four in the morning. I tell myself that first thing in the morning, I will finally compile all of the golden thoughts and sparkling experiences- and predictably, this will vanishes as soon as the sun’s morning rays streak through the window. But after fingers fluttering around my neck and keyboard and apartment for several days, it’s time to write of the past two weeks. My past two weeks in Australia. Our past two weeks in Australia.

September 24

We’re fairly used to early morning flights: ours to Australia was no different. With a 3am wakeup call and generous pickup from Mom and Geza, we began the first leg of our journey. Because of an upgrade, sleeping tablets, and noise-cancelling headphones, the 17-hour flight went as well as could be. By the time we arrived in Townsville, Australia three plane changes later- our bed at the hotel was deeply welcome.

September 25

After sleeping on what felt like a cloud made of mashed potatoes, morning came early and we sorted our rental car to Airlie Beach and stocked up on Aussie snacks, including a long awaited introduction to Vegemite via Cheesymite Scroll.

It was an arid three hour drive through the Australian countryside: carcasses of wallabies strewn about the roadside, craggy, beautiful trees seemingly reaching upwards and outwards for a drink of water, rolling hills changing from brown to green to red. I am sure that Mark and I were both feeling the excited compression of emotions after months of planning this trip. We were on our way to visit Olivia, Mark’s thirteen-year-old daughter, to spend the next three days together.

After driving in what felt like desert for hours, an electric shock of blue greeted us as we turned a corner. The ocean with its soft white veil and Cowry-shell necklace and ceaseless heave beckoned us closer and we followed unquestioningly.

When I first saw Olivia loping through the sliding glass door and out into the yard with two dogs at her heels, the resemblance to her father struck me. The height, the stance, the slight squaring of the shoulders with neck bent and gaze seemingly turned upward even though I fell inches well below.

I was presented with my first tube of Vegemite- which rests in my kitchen cabinet- along with a generous offering of some of Australia’s sweetest gifts. After some time arranging activities for the following day and marinating in the heat, Mark and I left to check into our hotel across the city before meeting back up with Olivia for a dinner of burgers and wings at Little Vegas. After stuffing ourselves full of Americana-inspired sandwiches, we crashed into sleep hard and fast- prepared for an early, exciting start.

September 26

exploring

Tom, Liv, Mark

Processed with VSCO with a5 preset

Whitehaven

Anna, Liv, Tom

After a frenzied start of the day Mark, Olivia, Olivia’s cousin Tom, and I hopped aboard a bright purple catamaran for a day exploring the Whitsunday Islands. A stunning boat-ride cresting waves shared with turtles and dolphins and sharks, we arrived at Whitehaven Beach. As we tromped our way up the hill to the overlook, we chattered about snakes and the rocks and leaving as many people in our dust as we possibly could. The trees around us pointed their gnarled fingers toward the ocean and we followed, shocked at the tableau that surrounded us. Alabaster sand met water that azure only begins to describe, encompassed by a sky of blue fondant, soft and delicious. Our feet hit ground that felt less like granules of broken down minerals and rocks and more like powdered sugar.

We spent hours married to that sand: grazing our fingers across, sinking our bodies in, comparing the hard, barnacled slabs of earth to the softness surrounding it. We became neighborly with stingrays and I cried from happiness when I felt the small, viscous muscles of a sea snail work their way across my fingertips. I became lost in a tide pool the size of a credit card, fully absorbed in an alien world bursting with life I don’t understand, much like that around me most of the time.

September 27

Hideaway Bay

cockatoo

cockatoos in the trees

Liv, Little Vegas

My senses were shattered after such an incredible day prior: filled with new friends, discovery of life, snorkeling, sailing, and nautical exploration. It took a walk at dawn to start our final day in Airlie to refocus my mind. We met again with Olivia and were eager to continue our play in the sea, extending our expedition to Hideaway Bay. We were welcomed yet again by the sea and her unrelenting generosity. We were gifted with dozens of cowrie shells, picturesque views, and beams of sun roasting our skin as we splayed out, eyes expectant and intent on each centimeter of prosperous strand.

We ended a sun-soaked day back in the same seats at Little Vegas, chowing on fried chicken and balls of macaroni and cheese and burgers. It was relaxed, it was easy, it felt like a home- in a way.

September 28

Vegemite Toast

Whitehaven, Liv and Mark

off to Maggie

new markers and books

Saying “goodbye” never gets easier, particularly after mornings like this. I had my first proper Vegemite toast, made by Olivia and Mark, before he and I left for our journey back to Townsville. The flavor still reminds me of salty tears.

We retraced the roads back toward Townsville and were met by Mark’s sister Lizzii and her husband Jason at the rental car lot. We shared a first “double date” at GYO, a favourite Japanese restaurant, before we boarded the ferry toward Magnetic Island (aka Maggie), where they live with their sons Harry and Flynn. They’re almost neighbours with Mark’s mother and stepfather, Sue and Mal, just a few twists and turns up the street.

I fought through exhaustion to enjoy a delicious home-cooked roast chicken (which Flynn, the voracious meat-eater, particularly loved) with the beautiful, welcoming Watson family and Mal: sipping champagne, tasting light-as-air Pavlova and settling into a new pace, new place.

September 29

bedtime stories

koala, sleeping

Flynn, Mark, Harry

hungry kookaburra

the Forts

Mark started the day with one of his pavement-pounding too-many-kilometers-to-be-reasonable runs while I continued to sleep off jet-lag and started my day watching Mal feed kookaburras mince off the balcony. We shared brekkie (juicy bacon and perfectly over-easy eggs) complete with the Vitamin B wonders of Vegemite followed by a dip in crystal clear water in Radical Bay.

Mark and I had our first proper bush walk up to the Forts, eyes peeled for koalas. Those sleepy, stoned creatures did nothing but rest their fluffy behinds in the crook of gum trees and sleep through the sweltering heat. We garnered views of Magnetic Island and its stunning bays that reminded me of why people choose to live on the tropically bucolic island- backpackers and tourists rivaling the local population in size.

It was an exciting time as dusk fell when the rock wallabies began to truly debut. Carefully retrieving the snacks of carrots and apples the boys brought, I finally got to see wallabies that were alive and well. We began to wind up the day with the Watson crew at a perfectly deserted park smack dab in front of the ocean. We ate sweet chili burgers and threw sausages to the blue-winged kookaburras laughing peculiarly at us from their perches in the dusk. The evening ended with bedtime stories of Diary of a Possum and Possum Magic.

September 30

My birthday and our final morning on Maggie was crowned with eggs, bacon, pancakes, and gifts with the family with a few games of UNO, something I had never played until Harry taught me the ways of the game. I am now a convert.

We hugged Lizzii almost-teary-eyed goodbyes before taking Harry to a club dedicated to training lifesavers, apparently a very important thing in Australia. Donning a purple wetsuit, fluoro pink vest, and lime green swimming cap- young Harry walked onto the beach among his classmates for the first time with determination and ease. Flynn spent the next half hour being a charming spider in the web of playground equipment, crafting a trap where he would nip-nip-nip us until our fly-bodies were drained of invisible blood. Eventually, our time had to end and we caught the ferry back to Townsville for our flight to Hobart, Tasmania.

Sue, Mark’s mum, met us at the airport and we drove to the chilly harbor to share a bottle of bubbly and toast to the next set of adventures back in the city where Mark created so many of his stories. We sat around the pitiful heat of a decorative flame and chatted about the flight and the days to come. Immediately I felt at ease, like Hobart was telling me to stay for a bit. Soon after, the brightness of Alex and Amy joined us. Two incredible constants in Mark’s life, they were welcome familiar faces not seen since January in the brutal cold of Milwaukee. It felt as if family had walked into the hotel lobby.

After moments of flushed, bright reunion we made our way to St. Albi to meet Matt and Ange, more of Mark’s dearest friends. “Quick with a joke and to light your smoke” describes Matt well, minus the smoking part, and he is balanced by the pure loveliness of Ange. I felt wholly invited to the table and we laughed, sank into some of the best steak I have ever had, and left plumed in red after too much good wine.

October 1

The Henry Jones Art Hotel

clearly thrilled and ready to be an engaged adult

Landscape

best calamari, ever

The glorious day started with Billie. Two years old with more charm, cheek, and cleverness than fair for one little girl, she scooped us back up into her expressive, curious world. We took a road that reminded me of a curly-fry to Matt and Ange’s for brunch (savory corn fritters and bacon) in a house seemingly plucked off a glossy page of Dwell. We met little, lion-haired and hearted Liam for the first time and just as he began waking from his nap, we went home so that I could begin mine. We had late lunch scheduled with Sue, Mark’s grandparents John and Joan, and his Great Aunt, Pam; I wanted to be well-rested and in top form.

Mark nudged me awake for a tour through Tasmania for glimpses of his previous home in Huonville to the farm in Woodbridge. He always told me how Washington resembled Tasmania, but I don’t think I ever truly believed him until I began to view the landscape in person. The unending hills draped in greenery, the blue-tray water dappled with crisp, clear light, the gentle clearness of the air. The Eucalyptus, Mark driving on my right, and the soft white flocks of lambs freshly introduced to spring were the small reminders that I was in a world unknown to me.

Our lunch was nearing and Mark wanted to show me one last place: the jetty where he and his late father spent “hours on end, talking about anything and everything”. The tide announced its familiar greeting as we creaked across the timber, out to sea. To my delight, a flock of inky cockatoos screeched in a frenzy to our right. Mark laughed as I laughed at the clamour and took my into the arms that feel like home. He expressed himself simply and perfectly and knelt. It felt as if my lungs were removed and replaced with sugar-spun lanterns filled with moths and he asked. And I answered. And we were engaged.

Catching my breath, I said I wanted to remember every part of that moment: the mellow temperature, sound of the birds now in the distance, soft saline bite in the air. He told me I wouldn’t need to and turned me around to a photographer, a friend of his from his days working at the newspaper, The Mercury. Her name is Amy and she captured every candid moment so that I could revisit the memory at any time.

The next several hours were a shaky, delicious whirlwind. I met heaps of Mark’s beautiful family who were under the impression that they were waiting at the restaurant for a surprise birthday party for me. There were tear-inducing toasts, staticky video calls to my friends and family back home, photos upon photos, and endless embraces. It took an hour for my champagne-flute grasping hands to stop shaking.

The filminess begins to drop away by the time we were sitting in the window of our room at The Henry Jones. We came into focus a bit more as we sat, painting my nails (it was necessary!), Mark sipping a beer, and a rendition of Can’t Help Falling in Love floating from the speakers. In a deliriously happy and slightly shocked state, we wandered around Hobart’s city center in the dusk among the places he used to frequent, around the marina filled with ships that have seen the world.

We ate richly and langourously  at Landscape, on silky scallops and firm orechiette, delicate calamari gilded with miso caramel and a plump gem of fillet. We chased the meal with a bottle of glittery light Tasmanian Jansz, sent as a gift to our room from Seattle by Mark’s wonderful sister and brother-in-law, Anna and Nick.

We slept beautifully.

October 2

teething madonna

posh pit to mona

We had left a day behind that felt like a watercolor, so we followed it up with an oily canvas covered in slashes of acid: the Museum of Old and New Art, MONA. The gallery- more like an asylum- is well described here. I was captivated by a pageant of taxidermied kittens sharing tea and a game of croquet; the ridiculous faces of the animals preserved by Noah’s Ark in a painting struck my fancy.

We drank champagne to and from the museum on a fast ferry, glimmering from within from the sheer nearness of each other.

October 3

After sausage rolls at the athletics track where Mark used to train, we noshed on flaky meaty pie from Jackman & McRoss in Princes Park, and shared an unfussy burger at Jack Greene with Mark’s crew of friends. We wandered through the galleries in Salamanca and continued to explore Hobart before dinner at Blackman’s Bay with Sue, a meal of gnocchi ragù tender as the company we dined with.

After a day of eating my heart out, I felt like vomiting my heart out. And then I did. Damn acid reflux. Note to self: schedule endoscopy.

October 4

It was an ideal last day in Tasmania, filled with small charms and everyday comforts that reminded us that the wonderful comes both in sweeping, grand gestures and the quiet, simple routine. One of my favorite things to do in a new country is visit a grocery store. I love aimlessly walking through the aisles to gape at the artfully wrapped sweets and goggle at what I consider bizarre meats and drool at the hundreds of foreign flavors of potato chips. I filled my basket with jars of Vegemite to bring home as gifts (which were taken away when going through security) and lollies before spending a few last hours with Alex and Billie before we left to spend our last night with Liam, Ange, and Matt.

Ange prepared a perfectly light and luxuriously hearty lamb salad, we sipped more bubbles, and digested over some trash TV- soaking up our last moments on the island.

October 5

Sydney Harbor

Longrain, Mark and Anna

Josh, Mark, Justin

Our taxi arrived in the dead of night to pick us up for our 6am flight to Sydney. Barely awake, we made our way to the city: only two stops away from home in Tacoma, but a world’s distance away.

We spent the morning traipsing through the city that reminded me a little bit of so many places I have loved: New York, Seattle, Glasgow, Hong Kong. We stopped for a coffee at one of the many vibrant little cafes in the back streets that Mark used to frequent during his time working and living there. The streets were alive with people smoking their reeking, modelesque cigarettes, working hard or working hard to look working hard on their cell phones, and dressed to the sixes, sevens, eights, and nines.

After stopping to stare at the Circular Quay and all its activity for a bit, we took a ferry out to Manly Beach for a wander- drinking in our surroundings the way there, the brisk wind raising the hairs on our skin as we stood on the port of the ship.

After a stroll around the beachtown and lunch on the docks, we made our way back to the Modern Art Museum and then onto the balcony of the Aurora for drinks with Mark’s previous coworkers from the old newspaper days, Justin and Josh. Although far too short, it was a delight meeting these friends from far away times and far away climes who clearly hold their friendship as highly as Mark does.

Our last proper meal in Australia was relished at Longrain: clean Tassie sparkling with welcome dishes of Betel leaf wrapped chicken, bright acidic Som Tum, comforting stir fry, and succulent pork hock. Of course we stopped at McDonalds on the way home so that I’d have a midnight snack: the Double Cheeseburgers are far better in Oz than the US.

As we spent our last hours remembering the past two weeks we had spent together in a place so familiar and so foreign, I felt tiredness nuzzle into my chest like a kitten, soft and inviting as a warm baguette.

I fell asleep next to my fiancé- ready to commence tomorrow, together.

australia. I keep waking up in the middle of the night. Sometimes from the acid ravaging my esophagus from some annoying ailment, sometimes from the jet lag that sits heavy on my eyelids at two in the afternoon and pries them awake at four in the morning.

[anachef]

Review: Menu Updates and More At Magic Kingdom’s Liberty Tree Tavern

The new year has begun, and what better way to start the year than with lunch at one of our favorite Walt Disney World table service restaurants: Liberty Tree Tavern! You know this colonial-esque spot as the premier place to get a turkey dinner in Magic Kingdom, but the lunch menu also offers a la carte options, so I got into that for ya, too!

Liberty Tree Tavern

Atmosphere

Liberty Tree Tavern takes its colonial roots seriously, and diners can see that in the decor. Each room is packed to the gills with details from the time period, and if you look closely, you’ll see that rooms are themed to colonial figures. George Washington gets a place of prominence over the mantle in his room.

Mantel in the George Washington Room

Likewise Thomas Jefferson is celebrated in this stately room with white paneling and yet another fireplace mantle.

Dining Area Decor in Jefferson Room

John Paul Jones has his portrait near a faux-door and a decorative coat rack.

Cloaks and John Paul Jones Portrait

Benjamin Franklin‘s room is all about that dark wood molding.

Benjamin Franklin Room

Paul Revere‘s dark moldings have a similar feel, but lots of pewter pieces differentiate his space.

Paul Revere Room

Betsy Ross is also commemorated here, with an example of her famous flag.

Flag in Betsy Ross Room

Diners can explore each room, taking in the period details and the subtle differences between each historical figure’s depiction. But then, you’ll want to get back to your table because it’s time to eat.

Eats

Alcohol has been served at Liberty Tree Tavern since 2016, when Magic Kingdom first expanded it’s adult beverage offerings; and the drink menu is extensive, as befits a tavern, right? Choose from beer, hard cider, cocktails, or wine. And remember that if you’re using the Disney Dining Plan (and you’re of age) you can select one alcoholic beverage to enjoy with your meal.

Drink Menu

Lunch consists of two options: A la Carte and Bill of Fare (a/k/a the Patriot’s Platter). A la Carte entrees include Our Tavern Keeper’s Favorite (which happens also to be a guest favorite!) Pot Roast, Tavern Battered Fish and Chips, and The Colony Salad. You can also order The Pilgrim’s Feast (essentially Thanksgiving dinner on a plate!).

A la Carte Lunch Menu

Notice that the BELL Burger we enjoyed last October as a secret menu item is now on the regular menu!

The Bell Burger

We’re happy to report that the full dinner menu is now available for lunch as well. Bill of Fare is All-You-Care-to-Enjoy and starts with the Declaration Salad, proceeds to the Patriot’s Platter, and ends with — you’ll see! — a fabulously indulgent dessert trio. (Yup — TRIO!)

Patriot’s Platter Lunch Menu

Whatever you choose, the meal at Liberty Tree Tavern starts with rolls and butter — simple but good.

Rolls and Butter

We ordered three appetizers from the A la Carte menu, starting with the Vermont Cheese Plate. It’s pretty much impossible to craft a cheese plate I don’t like, and this one is a particularly good one!

Vermont Cheese Platter

The serving size and quality is better than some I’ve had in signature restaurants. The cheeses themselves were typical — brie, cheddar, blue, and what tasted like a gouda. It’s a good plate for someone new to cheese plates, or for a kiddo trying a cheese plate for the first time.

Vermont Cheese Platter

What’s better than one cheese-focused appetizer? A second one! The Tavern Cheese Dip with Brown Bread is dynamite! The bread is quite sweet, which might be a little off-putting for some, but with the salty, savory cheese, it worked for me! I loved this one.

Tavern Cheese Dip

If it’s a chilly day in central Florida — or if you just love a bowl of soup — the Beef and Barley is a decent option. It’s not a wow dish — and the flavor could have been more pronounced. The soup is packed with bits of pot roast, so if you want a beef option but can’t pass up the turkey entree, this is a way to enjoy some of the Tavern’s roast beef. Overall, though, if you’re able to go for one of the other appetizers, this one is OK to miss.

Beef and Barley Soup

First up from A la Carte entrees: Turkey Pot Pie. This is essentially comfort food in a bowl, with the pot pie filling topped with rounds of puffed pastry. It hits all the flavor notes you want from pot pie (even though I’d love to have a proper crust!).

Turkey Pot Pie

I also ordered the Bacon Cheddar Cheeseburger which — hello! — looks awesome. This is a a classic burger done very well. All the traditional elements are there: relatively crispy bacon, rich cheese, lettuce, and tomato. Note that I had to order this one for my 5-year-old since there wasn’t a burger on the kids’ menu (he’s in that “I don’t eat anything except french fries” stage).

Bacon Cheddar Cheeseburger

The burger patty itself is massive and (thankfully) not completely dried out. I wouldn’t say it’s the juiciest burger I’ve eaten, but it was pleasant and tasty.

Bacon Cheddar Cheeseburger

The fries on the side were golden brown and perfectly crispy on the outside, soft on the inside. It you’ve got to have a burger when it’s time to dine at Liberty Tree Tavern, this will make you happy.

Bacon Cheddar Cheeseburger

Now for the Patriot’s Platter and everything that comes with it. This offering is the main event at dinner (no A la Carte menu during dinner time!), but it’s also a popular lunch offering. That’s because with the Patriot’s Platter, you get to sample three meats and enjoy traditional sides. Note that everything is all you care to eat – so you can get seconds and thirds if you’d like.

The Platter begins with the Declaration Salad. This is a bowl of mixed greens, onions, tomatoes, cucumbers, and carrots. It’s… a salad. Nothing inspiring here at all. But if you are trying to balance out rich meal offerings with light, this is a good way to do it.

Declaration Salad

The Patriot’s Platter consists of Roasted Turkey, Oven-Roasted Pork, and Pot Roast. Sides include mashed potatoes, seasonal vegetables (green beans! yum!), stuffing, and mac and cheese.

Note that even though two of us at the table ordered the Patriot’s Platter, we each got our own serving plate for the entree — they didn’t pile two orders’ worth of food on one big platter for us to server ourselves, which is what happened previously. Also note that the Patriot’s Platter serving does include a small container of the cranberry sauce, which previously was by request only.

Patriot’s Platter

The meats are all passable here, with the pot roast being the most moist and flavorful on my visit. The pork was particularly dry, however. The sides were all delicious.

Patriot’s Platter

The mac and cheese comes in a separate dish. Sadly, it’s super bland and boring. Nothing like it used to be when Liberty Tree served Stouffer’s Mac and Cheese. If you’ve got kiddos with you, they’ll probably enjoy this, but for the adults in the crowd, I hope your mac is better than mine was.

Patriot’s Platter

There’s also a gravy boat loaded up with the good stuff!

Gravy for Patriot’s Platter

Now we enter the sweet part of our dining experience, and you’re probably anticipating… Ooey Gooey Toffee Cake. And there will be some!

But first: a newish dessert for Liberty Tree Tavern: Warm Banana Cake. This dense, layered cake is served with butter pecan ice cream that’s swirled with salted caramel. The the cake is fine — definitely packed with fresh banana flavor (not just a fake additive which… yuck), and the ice cream is delicious. But it didn’t have the dense sweetness that you’d expect from a pound cake or a butter cake. The standard portion shown here is more than enough to share.

Warm Banana Cake — Full Serving

The Patriot’s Platter comes with a trio of desserts that are served family style (so two portions on one plate, in this case). Of course the first of the trio is the restaurant’s iconic Ooey Gooey Toffee Cake which, I’m thrilled to report, is as awesome as ever!

Patriot’s Platter Dessert Trio

If you want to make Ooey Gooey Toffee Cake at home, we’ve got the recipe here!

Not gonna lie: the Ooey Gooey Toffee Cake is on the small side. It’s possible to need a second serving of that, even with the other desserts on the plate. Those include a smaller version of the Warm Banana Cake and also some Apple Fritters with caramel dipping sauce.

Ooey Gooey Toffee Cake still rocks!

The Apple Fritters are nicely deep-friend and pretty tasty. Thankfully they manage to stay fairly light, and they’re crispy, fruity little bites. (Side of maple caramel sauce does. not. hurt.)

The other dessert is a smaller portion of the Banana Cake.

Patriot’s Platter Desserts

Nosh or Not?

Guide your horse to Liberty Tree Tavern if:

You’re looking for some serious comfort food at Magic Kingdom.

Table service dining is something you want to incorporate into your day at Magic Kingdom.

You love history and want to see how Disney interprets it in this space.

Light your lantern elsewhere if:

You’re way too busy for table servicing dining!

You and your crew want to sample more adventurous dining.

The idea of eating in a colonial-themed spot just feels meh to you.

Overall

I like to try Disney Parks restaurants over and over again, and one reason is to be sure that I can keep recommending them. Liberty Tree Tavern is a solid bet every time. The food isn’t overly fancy or trying too hard — and that’s in keeping with the restaurant’s theme. Liberty Tree delivers on comfortable Americana with familiar dishes and flavors, and it’s nice to know that in a World where food trends come and go, Liberty Tree Tavern is a sure thing!

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What’s your favorite part of dining at Liberty Tree Tavern? Tell us about it in the comments!

Related posts:

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Review: Dinner at Liberty Tree Tavern in Disney World’s Magic Kingdom

The Five Best Table Service Salads at Walt Disney World (According To The Experts!)

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