#he's so petite(he is the tallest man in existence)

[paint-it-dead]

berserk is just a self insert 1 direction wattapad fanfiction...

[celestialflamesme]

| A LOVER, NOT A FIGHTER | A GaLe One-shot | Fairy Tail |

Ships: Gajeel x Levy, a bit of Natsu x Lucy

This is dedicated to @luna-chan00 and Kuro-san and the amazing guild I am a part of!! @biorckstudios18 @primaverafrog All of you made my day😁😄

At 4'10" most found Levy McGarden, a petite bluenette, cute and tiny and basically harmless.

Most would be right.

Levy was a lover, not a fighter. Even her admirers and companions, Jet and Droy weren't convinced their crush was safe going almost anywhere, and took it as their personal mission to guard the tiny faerie from danger. (If they ever stopped fighting, that is.)

She was a booksexual through and through however, so half the time there was no need for protecting of any sort because she had her nose buried in some book or another. (If only her friends took a hint and fought OUTSIDE THE LIBRARY. Porlyusica gave her enough nasty looks without them in the picture anyways. And why would anyone want to talk in the vicinity of BOOKS?!)

And there was no need for dating of any sort was there? As long as Augustus Waters, Rhysand and her other book boyfriends existed, her thirst for romance was quenched and that well was closed. Phew.

But then came Lucy Heartfilia, her best friend and fellow lover of intellectual pursuit. Lu-chan was currently writing her own book and story, which led to the current dilemma Levy was in. Because Lu-chan's story was based on her very own fairy tale with Natsu.

Now don't take her the wrong way, she was soo happy for her best friend! (Well, maybe not that much considering she lost a bet of 500 jewels to Cana over when NaLu (her OTP!!) would finally sail...) But when the two soulmates finally realised their feelings for each other and began dating, it opened up the box of What if's that Levy had kept locked up and she found herself craving one of her own. Badly.....

Her friends told her to try dating Jet or Droy, but she'd basically grown up with them and they were more of brothers to her than anything.

It was with these thoughts that she boarded the train to Magnolia with Lu-chan. Their favourite fantasy writer had a book launch and Levy had one two passes at a random raffle she'd entered (Porlyusica had mentioned it to her, albeit begrudgingly. Levy had squealed and hugged her so tight she'd whacked the bluenette with a dictionary. Owie! But so worth it.)

Even the rain didn't seem to dampen their mood as they stepped out the station with identical Cheshire grins on their faces.

"LU-CHAN THAT WAS SOO AMAZING!! LOOK AT THESE T-SHIRTS WE GOT!!" Levy squealed.

"I KNOW!!!" Lucy did a little happy dance that made them burst into giggles. "I feel so bad that we didn't get a sword for Erza too, you know."

"Oh we'll get her strawberry cake or something. That'll cheer her up!" Levy snapped her fingers.

Lucy grinned. "Natsu said there's a bakery right around here that sells the best cupcakes. I bet a couple 50 of those and a strawberry cake would win over our Titania!"

"Ah Lu-chan, I can't walk another minute. Tiny legs, remember?" Levy sighed. "I'll wait over here, take my umbrella! Be safe and text me okay?"

The blonde gave her a thumbs-up in response as she headed North.

Levy scanned her surroundings and finding her destination, a warm seat at just the right distance for maximum cool wind effect and minimum rain, she deposited her bags (Did they really buy so much merch? It felt like it was so little!) and perched herself on it. Now if only she had a cup of tea-

A rustle from behind had her tilting her head and just in time as she stopped herself from gasping.

There approaching her was the tallest man she'd ever seen.

Like seriously, he was gargantuan! His hair was rough looking and reached up to his shoulders. The man was decked in black and his piercings Good Lord. He looked like a mafia lord out of a Wattpad fanfic!

(And no, Levy was no fool. She wasn't gonna be kidnapped or mugged today, oh no. No amount of sweet loving later would convince her. Nu-uh. She had a working brain, aye sir!)

The giant (okay, that may be a bit ride but what else would she call him? Rust bucket? By the way, how did he keep those piercings from rusting? Did he change them everyday? What did he look like without them?) sat silently next to her. Levy sent a silent prayer to the anime gods and texted Lu-chan asking her to hurry up. Nervously fidgeting, she put her hand in her purse just in case.

A text from Lu-chan. "Levy-chan, why don't you meet me at platform 135 and we go from there? These cupcakes are no joke! I shouldn't have skipped Arm day!" Uh oh. But it was still raining and these were a lot of bags.

She took in a deep breath and stood up determined. But right as she went to pick a bag from the seat, her peripheral vision caught the stranger's hand reach out.

In a span of 3 seconds, she took out the dagger she'd bought at the book launch and pointed it at him. "NOT TODAY, SUCKER!"

Ah, now you may ask, What was the big "I'm a lover, not a fighter" bullshit you just fed us a second earlier? And to that she'd say, she hadn't a clue why she did it. She was well trained in the art of Blades (Erza was a very passionate knife-thrower and a believer of womanly self defense.Enough said.) But whip out a dagger? She didn't mean to!!

The stranger blinked at her and raised his arms in surrender. "Whoa there little Scorpion, I was just trying to help ya with those bags there. Because it's raining and all."

She squinted at him suspiciously, "How do I know that?"

"Because I told you, gihee! " He toothily grinned. Oh dear, was that the grin her book boyfriends gave the protaganists? She could totally see the appeal. She was supposed to be immune, damn it!

"I guess you can? Though I don't reckon you'd want to now considering I held you at knifepoint."

"I like a feisty shrimp. We have to work on your stance however. Someone could just go whoop and carry you on their shoulder like a sack of potatoes." He cheekily commented. She nervously laughed.

Grabbing a bunch of her bags (Looks like he didn't skip on Arm day. Oh vey....) he marched obediently by her side till they reached Lucy who had to blink several times before she realised she wasn't dreaming.

"Thank you-", she paused, waiting for his name.

"You can call me Gajeel. You can also call me." He grabbed a piece of paper seemingly out of nowhere. Before she could register what was happening, he used her head as a bench and jotted down his digits. She squeaked (Since!! When!! Did!! She!! Squeak!!) in protest earning a throaty chuckle from him and a confused sound from Lucy (Me too, Lu-chan, me too...) He handed his number to her.

"Don't get lost in the big city, little shrimp! Take care of her for me, Bunny girl!" Gajeel laughed as he went the other way.

Lucy finally turned toward her bluenette friend. "What just happened?"

"I have no idea, Lu-chan!" She was confused and kind of miffed at the teasing and confidence this random stranger had. Who did he think he was?

And yet that night, when she texted him Goodnight after a longgggg conversation, (She even forgot about the three fanfics she'd planned to binge on that night! Who would've thought?) she found herself sighing.

Yup, she was definitely a lover, not a fighter.

[deukaeloveclub]

Okay I’m really curious what your tags mean for each idol!! I keep lookin at em n smilin👀🥰 like yeah she’s a good girl to date but what does others’ tags™️ mean 👀😂

Brewgie, my friend! It’s like my birthday has come early because you’ve given me a reason to talk about my tags 🤩🤩🤩 So I actually have a list of my tags just in case i forget because i have... a lot. This post would be hella long if I really did them all but I’ll limit it a bit

Let’s start with Dreamcatcher.  

Jiu is vampire tokki Tokki to represent her cuteness and vampire to represent her... oof-ness. Vampire because esp after you and i she was constantly wiping her mouth with the back of her mouth like she was a vampire. Tokki cuz that’s her animal. 

Sua’s main tag true leo is pretty self explanatory. aliphant is a combination of her english name alice and elephant her favorite animal and I use it when she’s being silly

Siyeon is gorgeous cutie gorgeous for oof-ness cutie for cuteness. sitting pretty because somehow she looks amazing even when she’s lounging around. Like she makes sitting looks so interesting and beautiful.

Handong is knowing eyes it’s kinda literal? She has heavier eye so always has a knowing look in her eyes? But it’s also a little not literal? (lol I’ve actually wrote this out before so this is a copy paste) So, Handong has a very classy/elegant vibe but she doesn’t feel unapproachable and I think it’s because of her eyes? There’s a playful mysteriousness there that’s daring you to get closer and follow her. So there’s this juxtapostition of her classy aura/appearance that seem unattainable and her warm eyes that give you hope that maybe she isn’t unattainable. 

Yoohyeon is tol koala because even thought she’s the tallest member she’s always clinging to someone. That’s just a cute tag I haven’t thought of a oof tag for her yet

Dami is panda prince because that’s her associated animal (cute) and she is dc’s prince (oof)

Gahyeon has a cute tag baby! and and oof tag come thru maknae. And actually this scream marks the first era where I have tagged her more with come thru maknae than baby! and I’m a little emotional about 😭

Let’s go twice who are basically my 2nd ult now

Nayeon a good girl to date a quote from Sixteen (she was absolutely right)

Jeongyeon was please leave me and my bias list alone when she was my bias wrecker but then she joined my bias tier so now her tag is get wrecked cuz that’s what she did to me

Jihyo is ma petit merde which means my little shit in french 😅 because she is a little shit and i don’t people acknowledge that enough because she’s the leader but she is?? but she’s also kinda amazing and wonderful and she’s cute enough that I’d let her get away with it as long as she let’s Nayeon live

Mina has pengy like penguin as a cute tag and miss myoui as a oof tag and then my love 💚be well always I made when she went on hiatus

Dahyun is tofu tofu tofu cuz it’s her nickname but more specifically from that one vlive that they asked Mina to read comments and no one her heard and then she yelled that she read a comment that said tofu tofu tofu

Chaeyoung is the thinker because I was really wowed by her thoughts after reading was it her gq interview? plus she’s a creative and it’s a reference to that sculpture.

NCT

Jaehyun is jaebae and son of aphrodite because I’m just super heart eyes at the man so yeah

Kun is king cap king because along with jaehyun he’s the top of my nct bias list and he’s the leader of wayv and cap because he is a proud and quite stereotypical capricorn

Johnny is soft professor so specifically I think I saw him in a certain sweater that made me think professor? but also he’s like tall and lean and goofy and witty so and I could imagine him as that nerdy but still attractive young professor everyone loves

Doyoung is not your bf because there was some video where he was taking “boyfriend” pics to post on sns for fans but then he paused for a moment and he was like “you know that boyfriends like this don’t exist in real life right?” but he still continued to post pics like that for fans ☺️

Mark is mork cuz it’s just a funny way of saying his name and mark just radiates awkward annoying little brother vibes to me 😂I’m so curious how his mind words cuz he says things and I’m just like what?

Jisung is giant lil bro because he’s so cute but he’s like a mile taller than me

LOONA

Kim Lip is my daughter she’s my bias, I love her a lot so I decided she’s my daughter now. 

Which makes Olivia Hye’s tag pretty funny cuz she’s my lil baby sister sometimes followed by the tag whom i love and adore. So I am the youngest sibling but I decided that I would give up my youngest sibling standing to have her be my little sister cuz she’s precious (even if she’s a maknae on top)

Haseul is our one true leader because “loona doesn’t have a leader” but we all recognize our leader 

Chuu is moon guardian as in she protects the “moon” or loona. I made it after the asc episode bc that was the first time i had seen chuu looking mad because people saying negative things about yves and that osen interview where they all talk about how much chuu hypes them up.

Hyunjin is center of my heart because I was so excited in butterfly when she got center in the second?last? chorus and I was like I need more of this but since we don’t get that she can still center in heart.

Yeojin is my lil star cuz I see so much potential in her so I can’t wait to see my little ace shine.

Heejin is the founder cuz she’s the first member of loona

Choerry is sun child because she’s a ray of sunshine

That’s a lot of them and this is pretty long so I’ll stop there. Feel free to ask about any others 😄

[everythingandeveryplace]

Finding Family

"Family is not an important thing.

It's everything."

"I've never seen anything like it before in my life. They have this wall and it's all concrete, and then the crops and live stock! everything is so meticulously organized, their armory is stocked in ways you couldn't even imagine." Rick rambled, ducking beneath a low hanging branch as the rest of the group followed behind. They'd been on the road for over 11 hours when Rick had finally instructed them all to pull over through the walkie.

It was nearing close to another hour since they had all started walking through the poorly shaded woods, the Atlanta sun burning their skin and stray walkers hiding in the brush. Daryl had never seen this part of Atlanta before and he couldn't help but be impressed with how well this supposed "miracle community" was hidden.

"If I hear bout' this damn Georgetown one more time, I'm throwin' him all the way there." Merle grumbled from beside him, cutting down the far too tall grass with the chiseled saw he called a hand.

"Just keep ya mouth shut and keep ya eyes on the path." Daryl hissed at his brother, moving to walk a few feet ahead. Their relationship was beyond strained and some days it was worse than others, there was a deep seeded resentment amongst the two brothers, most days Daryl couldn't even look Merle in the eyes.

Everyone knew the reason why.

"Are we almost there?" Glenn panted, leaning into the hand Maggie was massaging his achey neck with.

"Almost." Rick promised.

"They gonna see us comin'? Ain't gonna attack or nothin'?" Daryl fell into step with Rick.

"No. They seem to be good people, they know I'm bringing my people to talk. I've only spoken to their leader Charlie and a few of the residents, it was Charlie's idea to bring you all for a visit. He wants to see the type of People Alexandria produces." Rick explained.

"So best behavior folks!" Abraham chuckled and slapped Eugene on the shoulder sending the mulleted man stumbling into Carol and Michonnes backs.

Carol whipped around and raised a brow at Eugene, Michonne laughed as the socially awkward man scrambled back to Abraham's side with wide, frightened eyes.

Almost half an hour later the sounds of muffled voices broke through the silence of the woods, Rick hadn't been lying , the concrete wall that blocked the community from the outside wall was incredible and large and so tall there it seemed to tower over even the tallest oak tree lining the woods.

"Holy shit." Jesus stopped abruptly, his jaw practically on the floor as he stared up at the dark grey, smooth concrete slab.

"That's unbelievable." Carol whispered

"Carl's going to be so mad he missed this." Michonne added

"Rosita too." Sasha stepped forward and pressed her hand against the wall tugging Tyreese alongside it.

Merle elbowed Daryl in the ribs and grinned

"Looks like that old burned down factory we used to store our huntin stuff in' with the cracked concrete and tall ass walls."

"Yeah. S'also where you started sellin' the meth and damn near got me killed by a tweaker." Daryl mumbled, dodging another elbow from Merle.

Wasn't that always how it was? Every good thing daryl had ever had was tainted by Merle's reckless and stupid behavior. It was that way then and it hadn't changed, it never would.

The heavy welded doors opened slowly in front of all of them and out stepped an older man who was so tall even Tyreese had to look up to catch his eyes.

"Hello Alexandria, I'm so happy you all could make it. The ride here was smooth I assume? No trouble?"

Rick stepped forward, extending his hand to the stranger and grinning.

"No trouble at all. Thank you again for giving us the opportunity to say our piece, and Thank-you for giving my people a chance. I know how difficult it is to trust someone you hardly know, especially in this world."

Rick would have been one hell of a politician if the world hadn't gone to shit, it was amazing to see the easy way he talked to anyone and everyone never giving away even a piece of himself.

"Well of course, of course. Come on in then, you never know what's lurking in these woods." The man Daryl assumed was Charlie ushered them all inside the walls of the community, signaling to a group of men on top of the walls to close the doors.

It wasn't real.

There was absolutely no way something as prospering and lively and god damn beautiful could exist in the world they lived in now. Behind the walls of Georgetown was row after row of blooming and blossoming crops, farm animals grazed behind fenced fields, families tended to the fields and satellite panels stood tall on poles surrounding the beautifully kept homes. There were children playing and mothers knitting on porches, men were lugging lumber though the sidewalks and someone to Daryl's left was patching up the roof of a tiny yellow cottage.

"I told you." Rick whispered in his ear "I've never seen anything like it."

Neither had Daryl, not in this life or his last.

It felt welcoming and clean and homey..

It felt safe.

Maggie was the first to speak

"This place is beautiful, it's like a different world. I can't believe how much food y'all have! And the protection from the barriers and fences.. it's truly amazing."

Charlie smiled proudly

"Yes, we've worked very hard to achieve all that we have. But Rick tells me you've all worked hard as well. I'd heard of the saviors from passing travelers, fortunately we never encountered any at Georgetown. We're far too hidden to be found, of course we do have a plan of action in place should the time come we're threatened." His tone held a hint of a warning and Daryl felt Merle shift uncomfortably beside him, he got all fidgety when the saviors were mentioned. Daryl just got nauseous.

"You said we'd be able to meet more of your people? Not that I'm in any place to rush you but clearly we can see how well this place is run and I think we're all curious as to who's behind it." Rick smiled brightly and nudged Michonne until she was smiling just as wide.. albeit a bit more awkwardly.

"Well to be fair every single person who lives within the walls of our community is responsible for the progress and safety of our home. But if you mean my counsel, let me introduce you." The taller man pulled a walkie from his utility belt

"Hey team, meet in the corridor. Emergency meeting."

A chorus of jumbled

"Okay... got it.. be there in a sec."

sounded through the device.

"I haven't told them I was bringing you in, they would all be too anxious. They're going to be the deciding factors on whether I agree to the trade so I feel it's important they look at this with fresh eyes. It's better they don't have time to think on it." Charlie winked.

"I was in the shower. Someone better be dead."

A petite woman with short hair and tattooed arms came sprinting down the steps of the large white building that Daryl and his group were standing in front of. She was beautiful but the way her eyes landed on Michonne and lingered for just a moment too long made it fairly obvious she would not be interested in Rick, Daryl, Merle or anyone of that particular gender.

"You were in the shower? I was in dreamland. I was out all night scoping for walkers, you said I could sleep in." A mammoth sized man with a scarred face and dark blue eyes followed the smaller woman, trailing after her and rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

Charlie chuckled and shook his head

"These are a few of the people I wanted you to meet. They've come looking to trade with us, I wanted them to come by and meet you before we get into any details." He explained.

The tattooed woman reached a hand out to Michonne and the huge blue eyed man instantly reached for a high five from Rick

"I'm Tucker and that's Ruby. I run construction and head most of the supply runs, Ruby runs the armory she knows everything there is to know about guns so if you guys think you can ever get one over on her you're sorely mistaken." Tucker's laugh filled the air before he clapped a hand onto Glenn's shoulder nearly drilling him to the ground with the force of his grip. Merle snorted and Daryl had to fight to keep the smile off of his face.

"Aidan is tied up in the kitchen right now, he's got to get lunch out before we hit the road for our next run. He said he'd come by after."

Charlie nodded in understanding before turning towards The front doors of the white building again

"Where's Lil, I thought I heard her say..."

"I'm here! Sorry I got stuck with stitches on an eight year old not fun at a.."

Daryl's head snapped forward at that voice, he knew that voice, could pick it out of a million people. He never thought he would hear it again.. he never thought....

"LiliAnna?!?" Maggie practically squealed, dropping her weapons and running towards the blonde currently staring slack jawed at the group standing in front of her.

"Maggie?" She choked, falling back onto the steps of the stairs as the short haired brunette tackled her to the ground, squeezing her tight and rambling in her ear.

"I can't believe it's you! It's been almost two years! Look at you! You look amazing! I've missed you so much!" She babbled, tears leaking from her eyes as she held tight to her former best friend.

"I've missed you too." LiliAnna whispered, cupping Maggie's face and dropping her forehead to hers. When Maggie finally stepped away Rick was there to take her place, wrapping his arms around LiliAnna and smiling

"I had no idea you lived here? I've been back and forth for the past few weeks and I haven't seen you once." He pulled away and gave her a once over for injuries, Daryl had seen him do it countless times and it made his heart ache to see the familiarity playing out right before his eyes.

"I run Medical here, I'm The head nurse and we had a bit of an accident on our last run. I've been tending to the injured all month trying to get them back on their feet.. not to mention how busy I am typically." LiliAnna smiled softly before squeezing ricks hand and turning to greet the rest of the group, lingering a little longer on carol and wiping the older woman's tears with the sleeve of her jacket, they had always had a special bond.

"I feel like I'm missing something here." Ruby scratched her head.

"Ditto." Tucker shrugged, smiling at all of the happy faces "doesn't matter much though, look how happy they are. Can't bottle that up."

LiliAnna hugged Abraham one last time before finally turning towards Daryl.

"Daryl Dixon." She smiled softly, her eyes slightly misty with tears.

"Lili." He breathed, the name coming out no louder than a whisper. She looked beautiful, if possible even more so than he had ever seen her. Her long blonde hair was left loose at her shoulders, sky blue eyes big and bright on her sun kissed face. She was still too skinny, she always forgot to eat and it drove Daryl crazy, she was always too busy looking out for everyone else she often forgot about herself. But still she was beautiful, perfect. Except for..

There was a jagged light pink scar that stretched from the temple of her right eye all the way down to the corner of her top lip and when she walked towards him she walked with a limp, it wasn't all that noticeable but Daryl could see it, he'd memorized it as she walked away two years ago.

"Didn't think I'd ever see ya face again." He swallowed.

"Didn't think you would either." She answered honestly, her eyes were just as warm and beautiful as he remembered and her skin looked just as soft, he reached a hand out to touch her cheek when suddenly the shadow of a figure covered his back.

Almost as if she had been burned Lili flinched away, eyes casting over Daryl's shoulder and narrowing dangerously before she stumbled backwards and away from him. Daryl whipped around to see Merle standing directly behind him, eyes wide and apologetic when He noticed Daryl's hand still raised.

"Sorry little brother.. I didn't think."

"Ya never think." Daryl growled, harshly turning away from the man who had single handedly destroyed his happiness more times than he could count.

"LiliAnna! We gotta show you something."

Someone was coming towards them from a few feet away. Daryl couldn't make out the face yet but the voice sounded strangely familiar.

"That's D." Charlie explained "he's part of our combat group.. teaches our residents how to defend themselves."

D...

Dwight.

Sure enough the mangled man came rushing forward, a child in his arms with wild blonde curls and bright blue eyes, a huge smile on the child's face.. the kid couldn't be older than a year and he looked nothing like Dwight.. actually he looked more like..

"Mama!"

Mama? Did that mean..

"Hi sweet boy! How was your nap? Did Uncle D keep you up again?" LiliAnna reached for the baby in Dwight's arms and cradled him to her chest pressing sloppy kisses all over his cheek while he giggled and squirmed.

"You have a baby?" Michonne let the severe sharpness of her features lessen for just a moment as she stared at the mother and her child.

"I do. His names Greyson and he just tuned one." She smiled proudly.

"Oh my god Hershel Jr. just found himself a new best friend." Maggie tugged in Glenn's sleeve in excitement and even the lanky Korean couldn't keep the smile off of his face. LiliAnnas eyes softened immediately and she grinned

"It was a boy?" She asked Maggie.

"It sure was.. just like your little angel." Maggie moved forward to squeeze the chubby little ones cheeks. Rick was talking to Charlie and the rest of the group was either admiring Greyson or asking Ruby and Tucker questions.

"You see it don't you?" Merle asked from his space beside Daryl.

"See what?" Daryl refused to take his eyes off of the baby in LiliAnnas arms.

"Those are mamas eyes." Merle chuckled making Daryl snap his head towards his older brother.

"What?"

Merle shook his head at his brothers obliviousness

"That boys a Dixon through and through."

Dwight's body stiffened at the sound of Merle's voice, he whipped around and drew his gun the instant his eyes caught sight of Merle.

"Woah!" Ruby shouted

Everyone turned towards the commotion and Charlie rushed towards Dwight

"D, what are you doing.. these people are our guests.. you can't just pull your.."

"Guests?!" Dwight scoffed "why the hell is he in our camp?! Why would you let him in here!"

LiliAnna handed Greyson off to Maggie and moved to stand beside Dwight, placing her hand in his arm she spoke quickly

"It's okay.. I'm okay. It's fine Dwight, put the gun down"

"Are they here to do business? They want to trade? Fat chance!" Dwight kept his gun trained on Merle but spoke directly to Charlie "you cannot let these people in here, you cannot do business with them. They took in that.. that monster." His hands were shaking around the trigger of his rifle and Daryl couldn't move, his feet frozen to the spot. Merle seemed to be in the same position because he hadn't even drawn his gun yet.

"What did he do? What's going on LiliAnna?" Tucker came to stand behind Dwight as back up and Ruby soon followed, her hands tight on her pistol.

"He.. it was the past.." She whispered, her eyes darting to her son behind her.

Suddenly images flooded Daryl's brain.

Dwight carrying a nearly lifeless Lili through the smoke and ash, her face so bruised and bloody it was almost unrecognizable.

The screaming. Her cries of pain and desperation as Hershel attempted to stitch her up and set her bones.

Her wide, terrified eyes when she looked up at him from the cot as Hershel relocated her shoulder

"Merle." She had croaked "it was Merle."

"I'll tell you what happened." Dwight growled, the click of his trigger sounding through the almost silent air "that bastard beat Lil to death and made me watch. She survived because she's stronger than all of us but he was trying to kill her... slowly.. he wanted her to feel it."

Daryls eyes met Lilis from across the field.

She looked him dead in the eye for just a moment before she raced over to Maggie, scooped up Greyson and rushed back up the stairs to the big building.

Charlie cleared his throat and placed a hand on Dwight's raised Gun.

"It looks like we may have more to discuss."

[secondhandfantasy]

Loving Porcupine

Fanfiction by me

Language: English 

Words: 9,506 

Summary: Tina has always had people talking about her love life, most of the time she did not like it, but some times the right person came into the picture to make it all better.

A.K.A: The loves of Tina's life

Find it on AO3 Here 

------------ “Come down from there,” Tina heard Queenie shout “,you could get seriously hurt.” A smirk formed on Tina’s lips.

Yeah as if anyone would care, she thought as a slight bitter chuckle escaped her lips.

Tina looked down at her worried sister. It wasn’t her fault that the only place where she could get some peace was in the roof of the Ilvermorny castle, it also wasn’t her fault that she quite liked heights, they, after all, made her feel a sense of freedom, they made her feel like she could do anything without anyone to hold her back.

“Teenie, please, come down from there,” her sister’s voice snapped her out of her thoughts as she looked at the blonde’s head that was popping out of the window in the Thunderbird common room and looking up at her. Reminding her that even in the most peaceful of places, your siblings would still manage to find you.

“How did you even manage to access the Thunderbird common room, Queenie?” She said, completely ignoring her sister’s plea and not showing any sign of moving away from that roof.

“One of your friends let me in,” the younger witch gave her sister a slight smile, “he was very kind”

“One,” Tina started, eyes locked with Queenie’s “whoever it was that opened the door for you was not my friend, I don’t have any friends here nor would I want to” Tina watched as her sister looked at her with exasperation “and two, whoever it was, you must give me a name because he was clearly flirting with my 13 year old sister.”

Queenie rolled her eyes before opening her mouth to retaliate “How would you know he was flirting with me?” she said, irritation clear in all of her features “you weren't there”

“I know how boys work” Tina said not making eye contact with Queenie, instead deciding to look out ahead to the campus bellow. “You are a legilimens, you should know for certain if he had second intentions or not”

“Well, what if he had?” Anger was clearly sipping out of her words now. “What will you do about it? It’s not like you can take care of me 24 hours a day.”

Queenie looked down as her breathing slowly calmed. “It’s not like you have any experience to compare my love life to anyways,” she whispered, hoping her sister had not heard her but, as soon as she saw the mass of short dark brown hair make its way to the other side of the roof, she knew that her sister had heard every last word.

Tina walked towards the quidditch pitch, where a few boys were playing around and sat down in the roof space that was hidden from any prying eyes. She heard her sister’s faint shouts of her name from the distance and waited until she gave up and they eventually disappeared.

As the shouting came to an end, Tina finally let herself think over what her sister had said. It’s not like you have any experience to compare my love life to anyways. She wasn’t wrong, of course. Tina was one of the only girls in her year who has not had her first kiss, she knew she wasn’t the prettiest girl, not even close, but she still wished someone would at least look at her differently, look at her like she was a precious being, look at her with admiration, with want… was that too much to ask?

Tina stayed up in the roof for a few more minutes, trying to organize her thoughts before she was to get down from the roof and face the people who clearly didn’t want to see her. she also had to apologise to her younger sister for acting so harshly, she knew Queenie didn’t mean to hurt her, she was just frustrated and 13, in the start of her teenage years with almost every single boy in her grade lusting after her. She was bound to lash out at some point.

The window slowly opened as Tina pushed herself through it, landing safely in the common room floor. she took a while to look around and see if anyone was there but, after a quick scan, she realised that everyone must already be having dinner in the eating area.

-----

“Tina Goldstein,” the boy in her year spat her name out as if it was venom. “The girl nobody wants to touch.” His friends laughed along with him as she slowly looked up from the book she was reading.

“What do you want, Mckinnon?”  Alexon Mckinnon was the type of boy girls swooned over, he was also the type of boy who always thought that he had every right to say and do anything and everything he wanted so, to summarize, he was exactly the type of boy Tina hated and, noting her clear disgust of him, he hated her back.

“Nothing” he said sliding down in the seat beside her “I just wanted to tell you that I am very happy with the fact that you are 17 years old and still haven’t gotten your first kiss.” he smirked inching closer to her, “but of course, we can make that little fact change now, can’t we?”

Tina quickly looked up at him before locking her piercing gaze with his, making sure all of her hatred would be seen. “If the person I am supposed to have my first kiss with is you, than I’d rather never kiss anyone,” Tina stood up and quickly grabbed her notes and books before walking away.

She started speed walking out of the library with her head down, staring at her feet as she silently urged them to walk faster, not looking at where she was going. She hated the fact that every single person in this school knew everything about her highly non existent love life, why did she have to be the target for all of their bullying? Why did no one like her? Those were the thoughts that were running through her head as she slammed straight into someone's chest.

“Sorry” she said quietly straightening herself before looking up at none other than Benjamin White, the most hated student in her year, aside from herself, of course. The tall, lanky boy didn’t have anything to be hated over in her opinion. Sure he used glasses that had lenses that looked like they could be thrown out of the tallest building and still not break from how thick they were and maybe his neat mousy brown hair was way too neat for a 17 year old boy but one thing that no one noticed was this young boy’s kindness. The way his light green eyes lit up every time he got an answer right, the way he was always up to help a friend in need when they needed it and how he always let other kids walk all over him if that meant making them happy.

If Tina was honest with herself, she would have realized that what she felt for him was not a romantic crush but indeed a friendship one, she longed to have a friend but Benjamin did not feel the same way. He had always stared at Tina throughout the day or whenever he could, he would always take other routes to maybe run into her because Benjamin, unlike every other student in that school, saw the real Tina, the hardworking Tina, the Tina who always did everything to make sure that both her and her sister would be able to have the best possible future.  

So, with awkward smiles exchanged, a beautiful friendship started, a friendship that was made out of a need, a friendship that was found in two people who knew each other but had never had the chance to truly communicate with one another and, as Tina watched Benjamin leave to spend Christmas with his parents, she felt happy to have finally found a friend.

The happiness she felt didn’t last long. As the months kept passing and the end of the school year kept getting closer and closer, both friends came to the realisation that they would have to eventually separate. Tina was staying in America, having already received her acceptance letter to be able to train under MACUSA, while Benjamin was going to move to France where he would study Potions under the utmost respected master.

The goodbye was inevitable and, as Tina tearfully separated from her hug with Benjamin, she got her first kiss.

Porpentina Goldstein was 17 years old when she got her first kiss and, in all honesty, it was not what she expected, the kiss was weird, it was sloppy and both parties clearly had no idea what they were doing. The kiss in itself probably lasted a maximum of 5 seconds but it was enough for both of them to realise that what they thought they had, what they thought was a crush, a start of something more, was merely a need for a physical connection with someone and they had seeked it in the closest person to them, the only one they could reach.

After a few months of back and forth, the letters stopped and Benjamin’s owl never again knocked on Tina’s apartment window.

------------

“What do you mean you are having second thoughts about it” Tina yelled at her ex guardian “I have every single right to be Queenie’s guardian” she started pacing the grounds in front of the women’s desk “for starters I am her sister, and last time I checked, Orphans were normally put in the hands of a willing relative that was over the legal age” she stopped in front of the desk, looking deeply in the shorter women’s eyes “and I just so happen to be of age”

“Well, yes” the petite women said, clearly nervous “but, you see Ms.Goldstein, you are not…” she took a small pause before making a small motion with her hand “married” she shuffled a few papers around before grabbing the one she wanted “and I don’t think it would be wise to leave a minor with a women who isn’t even seeing someone” She handed Tina the document before following it up with a pen “but, if you insist, than all you have to do is sign these documents”

Tina looked at the women standing before her with a death glare. How dare she think for even a second that she can’t take care of her baby sister, something that she has been doing for years, just because she doesn’t have a man by her side. Tina grabbed the papers from the women and read over them as quickly as she could muster. After her quick scan, Tina grabbed the pen the women had handed her and scribbled her signature before hastily returning both the objects back to her.

She walked out of the room with her head held high, she would show that ungrateful women that she didn’t need no one, let alone a man, to help her take care of Queenie.

----------

“Ms. Goldstein?” her mentor called out to her. Tina was one of the few females who were accepted into the auror training program. most of her co workers were man and the ones that weren’t didn’t like her very much.

“Ms. Goldstein, there you are,” the short blond man said approaching her.

Mr. Ambro was a nice man, to say he didn’t have flaws though was something else, but, considering the fact that he was the one who treated her with the most respect, she couldn’t complain. “You are late again, ms. Goldstein, I have been looking for you everywhere”

Tina looked down, clearly ashamed “I am sorry, Mr Ambro” she said biting her lip, a nervous tick she had to get rid of “I was..” she paused, not knowing what to say, if she were to tell Mr.Ambro the real reason she was late, that some women in other units were holding her up because they wanted to make fun of her, well, she would not hear the end of it “... In the bathroom” yes, bathroom, that was a safe bet... Or so she thought.

“Oh, I see” Mr. Ambro said with a slight chuckle “you went to the bathroom” he smirked at her “were there any gentleman at said bathroom, Ms. Goldstein?”

Tina felt the heat rising up her face as she struggled to form a sentence “No, of course not.” she said, trying to quickly take her mentor’s mind out of that “in fact, I haven’t been with anyone since I was 17” Tina looked down “If that even counts as being with someone” she whispered under her breath.

“Well, no worries, child” Mr. Ambro said grabbing her arm to make her walk “one day some guy will look at you and notice that you were the missing piece from his life all along”

Tina wished she could trust Mr. Ambro, she wished she believed him but, being 20 years old and having to watch your younger sister jump from relationship to relationship your whole life while constantly being compared to her beauty, well, she just didn’t have any hope left.

--------

“So, Tina” she heard one of the other aurors say as she reached her desk “you and that Magizoologist are you, you know, dating?”

The room was suddenly ten times hotter as the heat in her face became more and more intense “No, no of course not” she said looking down at her papers and trying to concentrate on them instead of her curious co worker.

The auror hummed as she opened her mouth to speak again “I figured so,” she said laughing slightly “no wizard would be able to fall for you, no matter how desperate,” she looked at Tina with such intensity that she felt as if she was naked and had nowhere to hide.

The clicking of heels slowly made their way back and away from Tina as she was finally able to relax. Had she thought about the possibility of dating Newt? of curse she had, but she also knew that there was no chance of that happening. Sure Newt had offered to hand her his book in person and the letters that they sent to each other were lovely but, like always, Newt always treated Tina as nothing more than a friend and maybe he just wanted to see her as a friend when he came back to deliver her his book. Nothing more, just friends. Tina was okay with that. She wanted to believe she was okay with that at least.

Weeks had passed and then, months, until finally, it happened. Newt’s book had finally been released and, everytime Tina saw a new person come out of a bookstore with one of his books, she would feel an ache deep in her chest and a thought, a question that would pop into her head every single time. Why hasn’t he come back yet?

The week after the book release, Tina’s question was answered. As soon as the young witch stepped into her New York flat that she shared with her younger sister, she knew something was wrong. The thing that gave it away first and foremost was her sister, as she looked at the older Goldstein with worry written all over her face.

“Teenie, you are here early,” Queenie said, plastering on a highly false smile.

“ No I am not,” Tina entered the room and took a closer look at her sister before noting a magazine hidden behind her. “What’s that?” she asked taking a closer step towards her sister.

“What’s what, honey?” the false smile became slightly wider as Queenie backed up towards the wall, trying to move away from her.

“That magazine behind your back, a magazine that you are quite clearly trying to hide from me” Tina grabbed her wand and, before Queenie could do anything, she summoned the magazine, catching it flawlessly.

What Tina saw in the cover made her heart jump. There in the front of the magazine was Newt and under the cover was the page that would lead her to his article. Quickly flipping through the pages, Tina finally came upon the right article, with a picture of Newt in the centre of a table and three more people standing on either side of him, one was hidden away, a girl that looked so out of place and like she wanted to be anywhere but there, on his other side was a tall man on the farthest corner, a man that looked a lot like Newt, a man Tina had heard quite a lot about, Theseus Scamander, the war hero and also, Newt’s brother. But it wasn’t any of them that peaked Tina’s interest, the one person that made the brunette's heart fall was the one women who was standing the closest to Newt, with her hand touching Newt’s arm. Leta Lestrange. The first women he fell in love with, the women who’s picture he carries.

Newt Scamander is to be married to Leta Lestrange. That, at least, is what the article told Tina, and, even though she knew magazines told a lot of lies, she couldn’t help but believe this one. After all Leta was a gorgeous women, she was Newt’s first love and who wouldn’t jump at the opportunity of marrying your first love? Tina chucked the magazine back at her sister before finally speaking “I don’t know why you would want to hide that magazine from me, Queenie” she said not looking anywhere near her sister “it’s not like I have ever had any romantic affiliations with Newt”

“Don’t lie to me Teenie” Queenie placed the magazine down on the kitchen table before making her way towards her sister, “I know how he felt every time he looked at you, that boy was fascinated by you, he wanted to be more than friends”

A slow, soft chuckle escaped Tina’s lips as she turned back towards her sister “yeah, of course” she said bitterly moving past Queenie and checking the pans before waving her wand to set the table “if he wanted to be more than friends, don’t you think he would, oh I don’t know, still be single or at least not engaged?”

“Magazines lie, Tina, you know that,” Queenie waved her own wand to make the food fly from the pots to the recently placed plates, “did Newt say anything about Leta in his latest letters?” she asked while moving to sit as her sister did the same.

“No.”

“Then I think you have your answer,” the younger Goldstein smiled slightly, grabbing her fork so that she could start eating

“He could also be sparing my feelings,” Tina grumbled before grabbing a mouthful of food

“You never know, Tina.”

“That’s exactly it though,” Tina swallowed her food before continuing, “You never know, so with that same logic Newt might be living his life and engaged to Leta.”  How else would you explain the fact that he hasn’t come back to deliver her copy?

The dinner progressed without any talk. Tina was too busy with her thoughts and trying to keep her sister out of her head while Queenie was busy thinking about the man who had captured her heart, the man she knew Tina would never approve of a relationship.

Weeks passed and as Newt’s last letter came, Tina decided it was time to cut all ties with the British man, she didn’t want to be known as the women who ruined a perfectly good marriage.

--------

“Tina, wait up” Achilles Tolliver, a new recruit who had been assigned as her partner yelled after her.

“What do you want, Tolliver,” Tina stopped before turning and coming face to face with the young man. Well she couldn’t exactly call him that considering that he was the same age as she but, in retrospect, they were both young. At 26 and working for MACUSA for a mere 3 weeks, Achilles Tolliver had gained quite the reputation. The tall muscular man was any witches dream, he was handsome and had piercing blue eyes accompanied by beautiful brown hair. Tina, being tall herself, was below his eye level which meant that she had to lift her head to make the slightest eye contact with the 6’4 man standing before her.

“A guy can’t talk to his partner anymore?” the auror asked as a playful grin made its way into his lips, making Tina roll her eyes.

“Yes he can, as long as it is strictly professional” she resumed walking to her desk, wanting to finish her paperwork as quickly as she could. If there was one thing about being an auror that Porpentina Goldstein hated, it was paperwork.

“Of course, I’m always professional,” he leaned over before whispering in her ear and sending a chill down her spine “after work we can be less professional tough right?” Tina could feel the smirk that appeared on his lips as a blush made its way to her face.

“Then speak to me after work, Tolliver, not during it” she quickly regained her composure as she heard Achilles laugh and return to his desk.

The paperwork was hell, like always, but as soon as it was done Tina felt a gigantic weight being lifted from her shoulder. As she made her way out of the MACUSA office, she felt a small and light tap on her shoulder, turning around to see Achilles smiling shyly at her.

“Want to have that non professional conversation, Tolliver?” she raised her eyebrows and Achilles nodded. “Follow me, there is a coffee shop down the street that I quite like.”

The two made their way out onto the street as they approached a small coffee shop. The shop was one of Tina’s favorites, it had the perfect coffee, not too bitter and not too sweet, and it also had the best pastries the only place that could out their pastries was Jacob’s bakery but Tina would rather not take a MACUSA auror there.

“Nice place” Achilles said, taking a seat in one of the tables closest to the window.

“Yeah, I come here every time I’m feeling stressed” Tina took a seat opposite of him “It has the kind of welcoming environment that helps you calm down” she smiled as the waitress made her way to their table.

“Good afternoon Ms. Goldstein,” Beatrice said smiling down at Tina before looking over at Achilles “and who must this be?”

Beatrice was nice girl, she was about 20 years old and always made the effort to be Tina’s waitress with the young witch taking a liking to the older auror. One thing that coffee shop also had was the fact that it was run by a family of wizards and it made using magic much easier.

“This is Achilles Tolliver, a colleague of mine”

“You work with the person for weeks and go on missions where you literally have each other's lives on your hands but yeah, still a colleague,” he smirked at Tina as she rolled her eyes

“Sorry. Beatrice, This is my friend,” Tina looked at Achilles before looking back at Beatrice “Achilles Tolliver. Achilles, this is Beatrice Bernards. Her parents own this coffee shop”

“Nice to meet you, Ms. Bernards,” Achilles said courtly, bowing his head slightly as Beatrice giggled a little.

“Nice to meet you too, Mr. Tolliver,” she grabbed her pen and notepad before continuing “Anything you would like to order?”

“Just one black coffee and a muffin for me” Tina said before Beatrice looked over at Achilles and asked the same question.

“Same for me” he smiled slightly before the young girl skipped off.

“Nice kid” he looked at Tina before grabbing her hand “she seems very fond of you”

Tina smirked before letting out a small chuckle “Well, if it makes you feel any better, she seems quite fond of you too.”

Achilles laughed before squeezing her hand and letting it go as Beatrice brought back their orders.

“She is not my type though,” the auror said taking a sip of his coffee before looking at Tina “I am interested in another witch at the moment, an older, wise auror, you know.”

He took a bite out of his muffin as Tina choked on her coffee at his words. What… What could he possibly mean by that? Tina coughed slightly, clearing her throat, before asking “Do--does that witch have a name?”

“She does,” he smirked before cleaning his mouth with a napkin “It would be weird if she didn’t, wouldn’t it”

Tina laughed “I guess so,” she paused and took a bite of her muffin, swallowing it before speaking again “would you care to share her name with me though?”

Achilles chuckled slightly.“I think you already know, Tina.” He reached over the table to, once again, grabbing her hand.

“I— I think so too,” she slowly said looking down at their hands before looking up at him “but I’d still like a verbal confirmation and— and some time to think about it”  

Achilles smiled slightly. “Her name is Porpentina Goldstein,” he said making Tina’s eyes go wide “but she would rather be called Tina, a fact that I quickly learned” he chuckled, clearly remembering the first and only time he had called her Porpentina, the fury in her face and words scared the crap out of him “and, I respect the fact that she wants to think about it but, I hope that once she decides on her decision, she will tell me if she would like to go on a date with me at Central Park this Saturday, giving her a full 5 days to decide,” he looked at her as if urging her to say something, anything, before letting go of her hands and going back to eat his muffin.

“I-” Tina started, trying to organize her thoughts “I will give you an answer by Friday.” she said, taking a sip of her coffee quickly after “but that also means that I only have 4 days, instead of 5,” Tina smirked as Achilles laughed, nearly choking on his coffee.

The rest of the evening went quickly, with both parties being quick to change subjects and falling into an easy conversation.

As soon as Tina got home she was met with a head of blonde hair jumping up to hug her “You got a date!” her younger sister said with happiness.

“What?” Tina didn't know what her sister was talking about, she had just met with Achilles and she hadn’t even agreed to the date yet.

“Some aurors were talking about the fact that you and Achilles Tolliver went out to eat today and how it was clearly a date,” Queenie said, jumping up and down with excitement before bringing her sister into another hug. “Oh Teenie I am so happy you found someone”

To say that Tina was surprised was an understatement, sure she knew that gossip travelled fast but couldn’t she go out with a male friend without it being a date? Her sister’s reaction wasn’t at all surprising though, she knew the younger Goldstein wanted to see her sister happy and she also knew that the blonde women in her arms was mad at a certain writer for, in her own words, pulling her sister along for a ride that was never going to happen.

“Thanks?” Tina said, slowly letting go of her sister “but me and Achilles didn’t go out on a date” her sister’s smile slowly faded before quickly reemerging, having clearly read Tina’s mind.

“But he asked you out on one!”

“He.. Um.. he did..” Tina blushed looking away from her “but I didn’t give him an answer, I said I would think about it”

“Oh, Teenie you have got to say yes, I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?”

He could hate me, Tina thought, he could also never want to speak with me and want to change partners so he wouldn’t have to see my face every single day.

“Now, you stop that, Tina” Queenie quickly interjected her thoughts “don’t you dare think like that” she approached her sister once again and moved her face so she would look at her “Achilles was the one to ask you on a date, wasn’t he?”

“Yes”

“Then that means that he at least likes you enough that he wants to get to know you, he wants to give you a chance to fully enter his heart and maybe, just maybe, that is not such a bad thing.”

Tina looked deep into her sister’s eyes before being sure that Queenie was but truthful with her words. She did have a point after all, if Achilles had gone out of his way to ask her out on a date than that probably meant that he actually wanted to get to know her better and thought of her as a possible love interest. Yeah, maybe that wasn’t so bad after all.

With her mind made, Tina followed the next week observing Achilles to see how he acted when interacting with other people, with other coworkers and comparing it to how he interacted with her. After making sure that he was not leading her on, that he was actually truthful about this date. She decided on an answer.

“So, Tina, have you made up your mind?” Achilles asked the Friday that he was promised the answer to his question .

“I’m glad you finally decided to keep non work related subjects to be talked about outside of work” and, to be completely honest, she was actually very glad on his decision. Tina could not let her job escape her again and wanted, no, needed to be nothing but professional in the work space.

“I am glad too,” Achilles smiled as he gave Tina his arm so that she could hold onto it as they walked.

Tina grabbed onto the given arm as they started walking towards her apartment, deciding to give herself some time to organise her thoughts “You know, I did some research after your invite,” she started, looking forwards as Achilles hummed beside her “I watched the way you interacted with people to make sure that you were not leading me on.”

The man beside her gave a slight laugh “I presume I did well on that test,” he looked at her “since I didn’t  have eyes on anyone but you.”

Tina blushed before clearing her throat and continuing her speech, a little flustered now “Well, yes, yes you did” she smiled a little to the ground “so, after intense” she looked pointly at him as he laughed “research I decided to accept your offer and go on a date with you tomorrow around Central Park.”

Achilles’ smile grew as he looked at her with the utmost happiness in his eyes “I promise you will not regret your decision, Tina,” he turned to her as they reached the apartment building “pick you up at 1 in the afternoon?”

“I will be waiting.”

And she was. The next day as 1pm rolled around, Tina was waiting with her light blue casual dress and, once she heard the knock on her door, she let herself give out a worried breath, being glad her sister was stuck at work today for she would not be able to take the teasing if she was present.

The date went well, very well actually, she couldn't help but smile throughout it all and Achilles was super sweet and funny and the perfect gentleman. The only question was, why did she still have a certain Magizoologist on her mind? This man, standing before her, this man that had just taken her out on a very lovely date and was… did he just?

“Wait, what?” Tina asked, not believing her ears.

“I said that you looked beautiful today, Tina,” he smiled down at her “Actually, you look beautiful every single day.”

The blush had once again returned to her face. No one had ever called her beautiful, pretty, sure, but never beautiful, especially not a man. “You think I am beautiful?”

“Of course I do and trust me when I say, anyone that doesn’t see your beauty is a blind man.”

He said goodbye after that but the dates kept coming and, after every date things would start progressing. By the third date he had mustered up the courage to ask her for a kiss goodbye, a kiss she had gladly given him and, by the fifth one, he had asked if she wanted to become his girlfriend, to make this courtship actually happen. An offer she had accepted without much thought.

Dating Achilles was… good? Tina did like his companionship and she did have a deep care for him but, was it love? Could she outright say that she loved him? As much as it pained her, she knew the answer to that question. Tina Goldstein did not love Achilles Tolliver. Not romantically at least. But, despite that, Tina couldn’t bring herself to break up with him, for the friendship they developed over the months was way too big of one to just be thrown away.

“Tina,” Achilles approached her after the toughest mission they have ever had, a mission that left a good percentage of her colleagues dead, something Tina could not bring herself to think about. “Tina,” he grabbed her shoulder, moving to sit beside her on the floor. The mission had ended and now the remaining aurors were spread out, each in a different corner of MACUSA, each trying to come to terms with their pain, physical and mental. “I think we need to talk.”

Tina looked up at Achilles, worry written all over her face “what do you mean?”

“You don’t love me” he didn’t ask a question, simply stated a fact. “Don’t worry about it,” he looked at her, bringing up his hand to touch her cheek “I don’t think what I feel for you is love, either.”

Tina laid her head on his shoulder, reaching for his hand and interlacing his finger with hers “what do we do now?” she asked, feeling a few tears swell up in her eyes “I don’t want to lose your friendship.”

“I don’t want to lose yours either,” he reached over to wipe the tear that had fallen from her eye with the hand that wasn't interlaced with hers as she slowly lifted her head to look into his eyes.

“So, can we stay friends, no strings attached?” she asked, hoping for the right answer, the answer that would bring her joy.    

“Of course we can, Porppie,” he laughed, using the nickname that she hated, before she jokingly slapped him on his chest. Demonstrating that, even though they had dated and had that past, they could still move forward in their relationship but this time, instead of a romantic relationship they would choose the right path and love each other the way they knew how, platonically.

---------

“Tina,” she heard Newt whisper as he slowly got closer to her, afraid that if he walked any faster she would get startled like a scared beast.

After the events of Paris Tina had come to realise that the one thing that was the most precious to her, the one thing that she had had throughout all of her life, could disappear in a seconds notice. Porpentina Esther Goldstein had officially lost her sister and she was not okay.

Newt had found her in his basement after he had assumed everyone had gone off to sleep. Jacob of course being the first one to go, having to share a room with the Magizoologist when the bed was transfigured into two, with Nagini soon following, her choosing to sleep in the case, where she felt the most comfortable. Theseus and Yusuf went back to their respective homes, agreeing to see all of them in a weeks notice, after everything in the ministry was cleared up.

Tina on the other hand could neither go back to MACUSA, since going to New York without Queenie would be too much and she had already cleared everything up with MACUSA sending her over to the UK to work with a small team that would be coming later, nor fall asleep, having turned around in the guestroom’s double bed for half an hour before giving up, instead of staying there she decided to go down to the basement where the beasts were to see if she could clear up her mind.

Newt had decided to take a midnight stroll around his house to check if everything was alright and if every beast was comfortable, especially the Zouwu and the Niffler, one for being new and the other for having an injury. As soon as Newt reached the basement he realised the he did not have much to worry about as Tina was now leaning against the Zouwu who was quite comfortably lying behind her, while the Niffler decided to prop himself in Tina’s lap while she caressed his back and slept soundly.

“Hey,” she whispered as not to wake up the Niffler on her lap “sorry, I kind of took posse of your basement, I just needed a place to think through everything that happened.”

“That’s absolutely fine,” The British man smiled before getting closer and standing over her, slowly exchanging a hand for her to take “Do you want to walk around a little” he said before quickly adding “Only if you want, of course, I would never, want to put you in a situation where you felt an obliga--”

“I would love to walk around the basement with you, Newt,” Tina quickly interjected his rembeling, knowing that if she let him go on they would be there for much longer than needed.

Tina slowly placed the Niffler beside her as she accepted Newt’s outstretched hand and got up, with the Zouwu encircling herself around the NIffler to produce warmth to the injured creature.

Newt smiled at his creatures actions before offering Tina his arm - one that she gladly took - and started heading to the deeper enclosures, ones with long grassy paths and trees so tall that it felt like you were walking through a forest.

“You know what I love about working with different animals?” Newt asked, not making eye contact nor looking at her at all, instead choosing to keep his head propped forward and his eyes fixed ahead.

Tina had a few guesses on what Newt’s answer could possibly be but chose not to guess them, instead opting to stay silent with only the smallest of nods to indicate that she was listening and wanted him to keep talking.

Newt, having seen her nod from his peripheral vision, went on with his short speech “I love to see the unity that they can have with each other, the way that they quickly adapt for survival, how they keep their family close choosing to protect their loved ones at all cost and, especially, how they lack the horrible easiness that we humans have on judging one another.”

He, in his part, finished the speech with such love, such passion that Tina couldn’t help but feel a little bit of happiness overtake her body as the last few words came out of his mouth. The man standing beside her had a deep understanding and love towards his creatures that Tina had never seen in anyone before and she could not imagine how anyone was able to look past that, how anyone would be dumb enough not to quickly fall in love with this wonderful and caring wizard. But, maybe, just maybe, the second absurd fact was a good thing, for Tina anyways.

After a few more minutes of walking Tina heard Newt take a deep, steady breath before slowly bringing them both to a halt in front of a big beautiful tree with long branches that stretched out over their heads and leaves so green that they seemed to glow under the artificial moonlight. Tina felt her heart skip a beat as Newt turned to her and grabbed a hold of both of her hands as he tried his hardest to make eye contact with her, failing a little at times but trying nonetheless.

“Do you know why I told you about my favorite things about working with creatures?” She heard Newt ask before shaking her head no and waiting to hear what sort of response the Magizoologist would come up with. “I told you that because I see you the same way I see my creatures,” he said before quickly cutting himself off, trying to explain what he meant with that “well, not in the sense that I have to take care of you, of course, because I know that you are very capable of taking care of yourself and everything I just meant that— that—“ Newt paused not knowing what to say and having to re formulate his thoughts as Tina patiently waited, knowing that he had a certain difficulty to convey what he was feeling.

“What I wanted to say” he started again, regaining his breath and once more trying to make eye contact with her so that she would know that every single thing that came out of his mouth was the absolute truth. “Is that...” his eyes fell to the ground, taking a second before they fell upon hers again “that you, Tina, are a lot like my creatures. You nurture people, helping them when they are injured, you will do anything and I truly mean anything for your family,” he knew that Tina was upset about Queenie, knew that she blamed herself for what happened to the young, blonde witch but Newt would not let herself take all the blame, he knew that what happened to Queenie was no one's fault. She was, after all, persuaded by Grindelwald's charismatic skill and silver tongue. Most people, especially people that were in the state Queenie was, would not resist him and his ideas that he bends to the person’s desires.

Even Though Newt’s words about family were nice, Tina could not take them to heart, the hurt she felt on her heart still persisted and it didn’t look like it was going to go away any time soon. So, instead of saying anything Tina just simply looked at him, waiting to see if he was going to say anything else,

“But what I think is one of your most incredible traits,” he continued, this time giving Tina’s hand a slight squeeze as he forced himself to keep on making eye contact to truly get the message through to her “is the fact that you do not judge people with ease, a trait, that in my opinion, is very important, especially to someone in your line of work”

Tina blushed slightly as Newt finished talking, this time being the one to avert her gaze. “Thank you, Newt,” she smiled at the ground shyly as she felt his calloused hand touch her chin, lifting it up so she would meet his eyes.

“I don’t think you understand how special you are, Tina,” he now had a slight worried gaze as he moved his hand from her chin to her cheek, Tina leaning into his touch as he did so “you are the most amazing women I have ever met, actually, scratch that, you are the most amazing human I have ever met and I want you to know just how special you are to me but I don't know how to make you understand”

Tina looked at him, tears on the verge of escaping, “I think you do, Newt” she leaned in closer as he slowly did the same “I think you at least have a slight idea of what action would show someone that they are special like no other.”

Newt’s hand slid from her face to her hips as the other enveloped around her from behind, reaching up her back, bringing them closer together “I may have a slight idea, yeah,” he whispered when their faces were inches apart, their breath being felt on the others face as their eyelids hung loosely closed.

Tina smiled a little before fully wrapping her arms around Newt’s neck, one hand resting on his shoulder while the other played with his hair. Once their lips finally touched, their eyes coming to a full close, Tina could feel, what could only be described as, small explosions happening inseid her stamach. So this is what it was like to kiss someone you could see yourself falling in love with, she thought, trying to get as close as possible to Newt with as much body contact as she could.

Both adults had never felt such an intense feeling like the one they were feeling now, they never felt so much passion and want being put into one single kiss, a kiss that, even though it only lasted about a minute, showed just how much they meant to the other, both pouring their hearts and souls into this one, single kiss.

As the kiss came to an end and the lovers slowly separated, they took a minute to catch their breath and take in their surrounding as they slowly regained their senses.

Tina was the first to open her eyes, watching Newt catch his breath while taking a second to look over every feature on the wizard’s face, counting every freckle and looking at every spot, from his hair, now pushed back and even messier than before, to the tip of his nose finally landing on his full lips, swollen and red from the kiss they had just shared.

“Would,” she heard Newt say as he slowly opened his eyes “would it be too soon to ask if you wanted to be my girlfriend?” his hopeful, shy eyes looked between her and the floor as he nervously held her in place.

she giggled at his question before leaning in and giving him a slight peck “I think we have waited long enough, Mr. Scamander” she responded and, before he could get another word out, she leaned into him, capturing his lips once more, this time making the kiss more passionate and deeper than before.

Newt begrudgingly broke the kiss before looking at her as she slowly opened her eyes once again, both trying to catch their breath for the second time in a few minutes. “So, is that a ‘no, it’s not too soon’ or a ‘I will be your girlfriend’?” he asked as Tina chuckled slightly.

“Both,” she said, leaning her head down so that it rested against his shoulder, lightly nuzzling his neck “now, is that all you wanted to ask?” she smirked against his neck before kissing it lightly, sending a shiver down Newt’s spine.

The poor man didn’t know what to do as she slowly dropped more and more kisses down his neck “Tina” he moaned, throwing his head back while giving her more access “to-- um to answer your- you-- your question”he struggled to get words out as the flutter of kisses made its way up from his neck his earlobe “I am done speaking”

Tina reached the corner of his mouth before quietly whispering against it “then be done speaking, Scamander”

As soon as those words left the witch’s mouth, Newt quickly grabbed a strong hold on her waist again before quickly crashing his lips against hers, pushing her against the tree, making it so she was stuck between himself and the wood.

Tina felt the air being flung out of her body as Newt crashed her against the tree, deepening the kiss in the process. He licked her bottom lip, trying to gain access to her mouth and, once she happily granted that access, he started moving his hands around her body, trying to discover every single detail that she had hidden there.

The kiss slowly became less intense as their blood cooled down, letting them go back into a calmer form of kissing, their lips moving in sync as Newt slowly took his weight off of Tina.

They separated for one last time as they looked at eachother, shy smiles forming on both of their faces. “Well, that was…” Newt started, not knowing how to finish his sentence as he still held onto Tina.

“Wasn’t it?” Tina decided to call back to their time in the harbor, him leaving to return to England and her staying in New York but this time, as the words were said, there was no doubt about their feelings towards each other.

Newt laughed before slowly untangling himself from her, his hands coming back to rest on his side as Tina grabbed her wand and with a quick flick of the wrist, fixed both her hair and clothes. She looked over at Newt, knitting her eyebrows together slightly before a sly smirk appeared on her face.

If Tina thought that Newt’s hair was messy before then she didn’t know what to call the state of his hair now, there was no telling what direction his hair was supposed to be in and, if she was being honest with herself, she quite liked the idea that she had been the one to do that to him.

Newt, noticing Tina’s looks, was quick to blush as he grabbed his wand out of his pocket but, instead of smoothly grabbing it to fix his appearance, the wand got stuck to the edge of the pocket making it fall to the ground, Newt going quickly after it in hopes of catching the wand. Making a successful catch, he propped back up to his full height stretching himself before doing the same wrist movement as Tina and putting both his clothes and hair back into the place they were supposed to be.

Tina had to cover her mouth with her hand to stop herself from laughing, a gesture that did not go unnoticed by Newt who smiled in return “I can be quite clumsy, can’t I?” He said ducking his head as another blush made its way to his already red cheeks.

“I find it to be one of your most amusing quirks” she smiled lifting his head before giving him a small peck on the lips “I quite like all of your quirks if I’m being honest” she smiled as the blush that was already pleasant became darker becoming quite apparent against Newt’s white skin underneath. “I do think it would be wise for both of us to head to bed though” the American witch said, grabbing Newt’s hand before dragging him up the stairs as he nodded slightly.

They were quick to make their way up the stairs, not looking at each other nor talking, both being too busy with their own thoughts.

The next day went by in a haze, both Tina and Newt agreed to keep the news of their courtship to themselves since there were two people in their group who had recently lost the love of their lives, Theseus and Jacob, one to death and the other to war, both to Grindelwald.

A week passed and Tina’s team finally arrived. Her team was made out of handpicked aurors with Tina leading since she was the only one who faced Grindelwald twice. The aurors were both chosen by Tina herself and Piquery, they were tested on loyalty, skill and resistance. Among the team of aurors was, of course, Achilles Tolliver and, even though he had a rough start with Newt - some things might have happened that are best not spoken -  they did form a good friendship, with Newt realising how important Achilles’ friendship was to Tina. The group was made out of 5 integrants, the youngest of which was Henry Greyson, a young 20 year old who had promise and was also Tina’s trainee before she left for Paris. The other two aurors were May Brig and Lance Millon, May was 32 and Lance, being the oldest, was 35. The decision to keep the group short was mutual between all, as they decided that each country would have 5 members in the front lines working with MOM and around Europe, which was the place Grindelwald seemed most fond of, to capture the dark wizard and bring some of his followers, if possible, back to their side or just towards questioning.

On the next week of the MACUSA aurors arrival, Jacob walked into Newt and Tina, both were in Newt’s room and didn’t notice the no-maj approaching as they were pretty… busy… Let’s just say that Jacob was both surprised and blushing once he saw them - they had their clothes on, you pervert - the baker quickly spread the news around, much to Newt and Tina’s dismay but they figured that it was better sooner than later and maybe not having to hide their relationship anymore was a good thing.

Months passed and then years and before Tina knew it, she was standing in her room as she slowly got ready to be married off to the man of her dreams, to the one who could make any day better and always knew what to do to make her happy and to imagine that she would soon be walking down the makeshift aisle they had made in his suitcase to greet him and later become his wife. That thought made her heart fill up with all kinds of happiness.

She still felt like something was missing though, something important, or, to be more exact, someone.

1 year after the Paris events, they had finally found Grindelwald and with him, Queenie. The battle that took place that day was gruesome to say the least, so many aurors died and just as many followers but, as one of the followers made movement to shoot Tina with a deadly curse, she saw Queenie, her sister, the baby she helped raise, jump in front of her and be struck with the curse that was meant to kill her.

She had quickly struck the follower with her own curse, sending him flying backwards as she fell down with her knees hitting the ground right beside where her sister laid. Tina was quick to grab the young blonde… well.. she was supposed to be blonde but the blood that was rapidly escaping her head had turned her once beautiful blonde curls into an auburn color, sticking to her head as if it was glue. she had cried for her sister to say something, to wake up or move or show some sign, any sign, of being alive. But Tina knew that her once lively and bubbilly sister was nomore and the body that laid in her arms was nothing but a shell of what once was.

Tina grabbed her wand and quickly retouched her makeup to what it was before as she heard a knock on the door, telling her someone was waiting and that she was probably going to be late to her own wedding.

“Come in” she said already having her makeup fixed and checking in the mirror to see if there was anything left that needed fixing, making sure everything was ready, she turned around to see Achilles standing by the door while wearing a grin on his face.

“You look magnificent, Teenie” he whispered as he slowly gave her a tight hug “Newt is a lucky man” he let go of her, looking down at his own wedding ring from his marriage a few months ago, where Tina was his ‘best man’ or ‘best women’ as he said when asking her if she would do it. His wife was a good woman and she had developed a good friendship with her, with the both of them inviting her and Newt over to their house to chat and eat some of the baked goods Jacob had provided.

“Are you ready,” he asked, giving her his arm to take.

“I think so” she responded as she slowly grabbed the extended arm and they began walking towards the ceremony “Thank you for agreeing to walking me down the aisle”

“It was no problem” he smiled down at her “thank you for asking me”

The pair slowly made their way into the case, opening it and carefully climbing down before opening the shed’s door and stepping outside to be greeted by their friends and family. As Tina passed through all the friends her and Newt had managed to make along their journey, friends that had eventually become like family to the both of them and, as she looked forwards to see Jacob smiling while holding a nervous but happy Newt beside him, she couldn’t help but feel pride in the family she made and joy along with excitement at the adventures that she and Newt would have ahead of them, this time as a married couple.

“Are we ready to start this?” Theseus asked from his perch as he got ready to marry them.

“Absolutely.”

[jellydishes]

body type headcanons because guess what i have Opinions

anders: think beanpole. long and skinny proportions everywhere, including his fingers. and fuck those mods that get rid of any imperfections he has. love his moles and freckles. embrace them. you don’t have to be afraid anymore

aveline: the woman has muscles on muscles. think that one fighter who played the villain lady in the first deadpool movie. yeah, that’s right, gina carano. square tipped fingers but the face of an angel. she had difficulty getting taken seriously until she dead lifted somebody kind of face

bethany: the most “default” body type of all the companions, save of course for the fact that she has a broken nose from that time she got in a fight to protect carver’s honor as a preteen, as well as the fact that she has hidden tattoos as a way to subtly express herself in ways that aren’t for anyone but herself

carver: rather than being built like a dorito, he is built like a more traditional fighter, with a layer of pudge protecting/hiding his muscles so that he doesn’t hurt himself. think of the hairy mountain man m!hawke is typically pictured as, but then carver supplexed him

fenris: think of a gymnast or a ballet dancer, but more top heavy. he is deceptively short and slim looking, but he has tickets to spare to the gun show. on a related note, he has long hair, also because i say so. this isn’t a democracy

isabela: freckles on her shoulders and cheeks from the sun. well muscled arms from carrying her own weight on a sailing ship for months on end for years. small chest but cartman hips, along with pudge in her belly and thighs because thick thighs save lives, y’all. incidentally, has more piercings than we see, and at least one tattoo, which she compares with carver. probably arm wrestled aveline more than once

merrill: tallest of the companions, but petite in proportion and she’s brown, y’all, the way god and andraste intended and originally had her. scars littering her fingers, hands, and arms, and also on her lip from chewing them as a stim

varric: the man is a lego block. short and square, but not as muscled as everybody likes to think he is. the guy lives a sedentary lifestyle and hates the very concept of the outdoors as a thing that potentially exists. i don’t really see him working out. however, he is very fastidious about his grooming and always smells good thank you for coming to my ted talk

[wateryourplance]

Cold (Lance/Pidge)

(Pidgance Month, Day 5: rainforest | i’ll make this one cute and fluffy-- oops never mind lolol and yes, horrible title but i couldn’t come up with anything else Earth setting, Voltron doesn’t exist here but human Allura and Coran do)

“Come on, Pidge! It’s not that cold, I swear!” Lance called as he around in the cool, surprisingly clear water, instantly refreshed.

“You’re just in your underwear!”

“So?” He countered. “You can stare. I won’t mind.”

Pidge groaned loudly, still covering her eyes. “I don’t swim.” She muttered.

“It’s not deep. Plus, you stink. You need this.” Lance said bluntly before submerging himself in the water completely. The sound made Pidge instinctively look up, making sure her companion didn’t get sucked in by some water monster or something.

Fortunately, he was fine.

And Pidge got to find out in the best way possible.

Lance emerged from the water with closed eyes, the sun shining down on him. The water on his body made his body glisten and seemingly glow beneath the sun - he looked like a god. He pulled his wet brown tresses out of his face away from his eyes, the muscles on his glorious back flexing as the droplets of water dripped down his lean figure.

He looked ridiculously gorgeous.

Pidge was frozen in place, ogling in awe at her friend. She couldn’t help but watch, greedily drinking everything she was seeing like fine wine. "Fuck,” she breathed. She had always found Lance attractive, but she didn’t think he was capable of reaching a god-like level.

Lance’s eyes finally fluttered open, his dark lashes still adorned with tiny water droplets. His eyes looked even more blue surrounded by the clear blue water.

Pidge bit down on her bottom lip, insane thoughts filling her head. This was so wrong.

“Pidge?” Lance asked. “Are you feeling okay? You’re like, really red.”

“…maybe I do need to swim.” Pidge sputtered in spite of herself.

Lance grinned. “That’s the spirit!” He whooped. “Strip, strip, strip!”

“Fuck off.” Pidge pushed herself up, trying to figure out how to do this.

She never cared about her physical characteristics; her care was focused on her brain. But right now, she couldn’t think about anything else other than how she looked. Lance looked impossibly perfect, while she was almost certain she looked like a gremlin. She figured to dive in with her clothes on, but she didn’t want to walk around in soggy clothes.

“What’s keeping you?” Lance added as he continued splashing himself with water. “You on your period?”

Pidge glared at him. “No, I just…”

“…don’t have a bra on?”

“No, I do!”

“Then why’re you taking forever?” Lance carped impatiently as he crossed his arms over his firm chest. “We’re friends! I swear I won’t do or say anything stupid.”

Pidge sighed, still indecisive. Lance did have a point.

Hesitantly, she gripped the hem of her top before looking up at him with a warning look. “Look away.”

“What? But it’s not like I won’t be seeing you in your underwear later anyways!”

More heat crawled up her face and to her ears. Lance had a point again.

“Just...just do it!” She yelled in irritation.

“Okay, okay! Jeez...” Lance turned around, grumbling something under his breath.

A surge of relief let her release the breath she had been holding as she pulled her long sleeved top off, a cool gush brushing through her. She was tempted to let out a satisfied moan after freeing herself from that godforsaken jumper (sweater?) that was simply unfit for the tropical climate of the rainforest. She was surprised herself she hadn’t passed out yet due to the weather.

Not that she planned to get stranded in one, anyways. Neither she nor Lance planned any of this.

A chill tickled her spine as the episodes played freshly in her head.

‘It’ll be fun.’ Lance had said. ‘They said that this helicopter’s old but gold. Works perfectly fine! Shiro used it yesterday.’ He had told her. ‘We’ll come back safely. And yeah, man! I totally know how to fly this thing.’

She remembered Lance flying the helicopter smoothly and properly (to her surprise). She remembered them admiring the magnificent green expanse. She remembered them laughing and joking about.

She also remembered when the engine failed. She them plummeting hundreds of feet rapidly. She remembered when the helicopter finally fell hard. She remembered seeing Lance unconscious, forgetting about her own well-being to make sure he was fine. She remembered when he woke up in horror, telling her about how much she had on her face. None of them sustained any serious injuries, other than the dark bruises that had initially hurt and the rather deep wounds. The helicopter caught fire, but almost instantly the rain poured before it could spread.

But they didn’t know how to get back.

The first day was horrific. The rain was pouring hard, and she remembered them taking cover beneath the tallest tree with huge leaves in site, but that didn’t work out too well. After the rain stopped, Lance couldn’t think straight as he was in constant panic while Pidge could only awkwardly encourage him. She encouraged him saying that she’ll get them out of here, and that calmed him down to an extent.

But as more days passed, Pidge’s hope began wavering, while Lance seemed to only grow more and more optimistic, finding the positive sides to nearly everything. (”Did you know that vines can give clean water? Animals can lead us to clean water, too! At least, that’s what I read behind that fruit box...Oh look! Come on, Pidge! After that bird!”)

“It’s already been a week or more.” She said quietly, stripping off her shorts as she neatly folded her clothes. She put them atop a smooth rock as she dipped her foot in the water. “That’s really cold, Lance!” She called.

Lance laughed as he finally turned around. “I know, isn’t it great?” His eyes stayed longer on her than intended as he blushed slightly. She had an adorably petite body, but he noted that she still had slight curves. ‘Wait, ew, was I just checking her out?’ he cleared his throat, “Uh, do-do you need help getting here?”

“No, I got this.” She replied confidently as she took her first step in the water. It was really cold, but it wasn’t unpleasant. She laughed nervously as she put in her next foot, walking slowly towards Lance as she got deeper and deeper. Eventually, she was next to him, waist deep while he was on hip deep. “This feels nice-- LANCE!” She yelped as , the cold shocking her.

Lance laughed heartily. “Oh man, your reaction was priceless!” He taunted.

Only to be splashed at back by surprised as he let out a high-pitched shriek.

Now it was Pidge’s turn to laugh.

“Oh you think that’s funny, huh?” Lance smirked.

Pidge returned the look on his face. “As a matter of fact, I do.”

“Then this means war!” Lance proclaimed as he rapidly splashed her without any pauses, consequently splashing himself as well. 

“Hate to break it to you, but in literal war you’d be killing yourself right now.” Pidge laughed as she tried shielding herself with one arm while the other one worked in throwing the water at her ‘enemy’.

The pair sloshed around the water like a bunch of children, sharing giggles and profanities. It was the most fun they’d had in days.

For a moment, their current situation was forgotten. They forgot that they were stranded in the middle of a rainforest. That it was possible for them to never be found again. That sudden death was absolutely possible.

But right now, they didn’t think about that.

They focused on each other and how much fun they were having and how adorable the other one would look whenever they’d try doing a huge attack.

Eventually, both parties grew tired and the laughter faded into broad grins as they both sat on a large rock to rest. “That was fun,” said Lance, nudging his companion gently.

“It was.” Pidge confirmed as she caught her breath, tired. “Thanks for that.”

Lance tilted his head. “For what?”

“You know, that.” She gestured to the water. “Thanks for pushing me. to join you.” She awkwardly released.

Lance smiled earnestly at her, pulling himself closer to her. “I had to. You haven’t been in the best mood lately, so...” he shrugged, “there’s that.”

Pidge felt a twinge in her heart upon hearing his words. Right, they were stuck. They were lost. And possibly going to die. A frown replaced the wide smile she had worn. “Do you think...do you think that we’ll get out of here?” She asked quietly.

“I don’t think, Pidge.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Hey, excuse me, I’m trying to be nice here! I wasn’t done yet!” Lance sulked.

Pidge managed a dry chuckle. “Sorry, couldn’t help myself.”

Lance glared at her jokingly, but the corners of his lips twitched upwards. “I don’t just think we’re getting out of here. I know we are.” He assured, slowly taking her hand. To his relief, she let their fingers intertwine, and she didn’t even flinch. “We’re getting out of here. I promise.”

Pidge’s tears blended with the water droplets on her face as she let out a soft whimper, leaning against Lance. Instinctively, he wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her to sit on his lap, their bare skin against each others’. He slipped one arm off and began stroking the top of her head comfortingly as she cried into her hand. Her other hand was resting on top of Lance’s arm on her waist. “I’m not scared of death, Lance.” She sputtered out through her sobs. “But my family, my job, my friends...”

“I know, Pidge.” Lance soothed. “I feel the same way.”

“All those unfinished projects I had.” She anguished. “I was sup-supposed to visit my parents this-this weekend. And walk my dog I haven’t seen in...in such a long time..” She sounded so miserable, her shoulders shaking violently as she cried.

Lance kissed her damp hair softly. “You will. I promise you.”

“Matt and I were supposed to...supposed to prank Shiro by temporarily dyeing his white hair pink.” Pidge croaked miserably as a soft chortle escaped her throat. “Keith and I were going to test out th-the enhancements I added to his...to his bike.”

Lance rested his chin on her shoulder as the shaking died down. “Yeah?”

“And Allura wanted me to go shopping with her, even though I didn’t want to.” A ghost of a smile finally made its way to her pale face. “Coran suspiciously broke his laptop and wanted me to fix it too.”

“You’re gonna do all of that, I swear it.” Lance encouraged as he left another sweet kiss on her shoulder, but his lips remained there, unmoving.

Pidge calmed down as they sat there without speaking, the sounds of wildlife filling their ears. Though it served as an innocent reminder about their current situation that Pidge had despised for the past three days, she decided that it was only bad if she made it bad.

She was safe. She could still she, hear, breathe and feel.

And most importantly, she wasn’t alone.

She had someone by her side, and it wasn’t just anyone. It was a man she trusted. A man who had been showing her nothing but his kindness and care even before they had ended up in this dismal state. A man who was her friend. A man she loved.

“Pidge?”

Pidge hummed, urging him to continue.

“Would it be weird to say that I love you?” He murmured, sounding a tad bit embarrassed.

Speak of the devil.

She figured this was a tactic of his to get her into a better mood, but their body’s were so close she could faintly feel his heart beating fast.

Pidge didn’t hesitate at all.

“Is it bad to say that I do too?”

And her leapt in joy when he gently took her chin, kissing her lips.

Two weeks and three days - that’s how long they’d been stranded. No helicopters flew past. It was almost like Hunk and the others completely forgot about them.

“You didn’t tell them where we were headed, you idiot. You just wanted to go already.” Pidge had told him once.

They sort of adapted to this living arrangement and learned to improvise, but that didn’t mean they were getting used to it completely. They still wanted to get out and go back to their lives with things staying the way they were before the helicopter had crashed.

It was nighttime now, and the lovers were clinging to each other, trying to share their body heat. Layers of large leaves were over them, but it just wasn’t enough. “Are you feeling okay, Pidge?” Lance whispered.

“I’m...fine. Are you?”

“Yeah, just really cold.”

Pidge frowned as she moved closer to him as she possibly could. “Sorry I can’t give you a lot of heat...”

“It’s okay, Pidgey-pie. The warmth of your love keeps me alive~” He sang jokingly, earning an eye roll from his girlfriend.

“I’m going to sleep. Night, dork.”

“Night, beautiful.”

Lance yawned, smiling sleepily at the still slumbering Pidge. She was on her side, her back turned against him. She must’ve rolled off from his arms when it started getting hot again. He chuckled lovingly as he leaned over her, planting a kiss on her chillingly cold forehead.

Wait.

Cold?

“Pidge?” Lance called, shaking her slightly. “P-Pidge, wake up.”

But she stayed limp.

“Pidge!” He yelled, growing frantic as he made her stiff body lie down on her back. She was so much paler than usual. He leaned close to her face, expecting to feel her warm breath against his cheek

Nothing.

“N-no, Pidge!” He cried hoarsely as large tears formed in his eyes, checking for a pulse. “Come on, Pidge! Wake up! Please!” He screamed in desperation, pumping on her chest. He leaned close once again.

Still nothing.

“Shit, no! Oh my God...” He hissed, pumping a little harder as he picked his pace up. “Pidge, come on!” Angry tears streamed down his cheeks as he opened Pidge’s mouth, placing his mouth on top as he furiously breathed out air.

Nothing.

Lance repeated the process over and over again, desperate to see any signs of life. One breath, a single pulse, a jerk, her temperature to rise again - anything.

He always found himself back to square one.

Lance picked up the corpse through eyes blurred with tears with the remaining strength he had left. His lip was violently quivering as he kissed her cold, blue lips devoid of any warmth. 

“Katie...” He whimpered. “I’m sorry I didn’t keep my promise...”

Lance jolted awake in cold sweat, his eyes and face damp with his sweat and tears. He was...no longer in the rainforest.

Instead, he was in an unfamiliar room with a white blanket on his body. He had no shirt on, but he was wearing a new pair of pants. His pants.

He let out a nervous laugh. That was a crazy dream.

That is, until he saw his hands were covered in bandages. 

So it wasn’t a dream.

In a frenzy he fell off the bed, producing a loud thud. “Pidge!” He screamed, alarmed. He groaned as he weakly pushed himself up, cussing underneath his breath.

Loud footsteps entered his ears. The door flew open, revealing Hunk, Allur, Keith and Shiro. “You’re awake!” They cried in unison as Keith and Hunk immediately ran to his side

“No, get off of me!” Lance violently flailed, trying to get out. “Take me back! Oh God, please! Take me back!” He cried out. “I need to be there for Pidge, please!”

Allura frowned in concern. “L-Lance, please, control yourself--”

“You should’ve given her a proper burial instead of just-- just leaving her to rot out there!” Lance barked angrily, his actions growing more and more aggressive. Hunk and Keith struggled to hold him down.

Shiro finally spoke up.

“She’s being taken care of by Coran in the other room.”

Lance stopped abruptly as he gaped at the older man. “She...she’s not...dead?”

“No. In fact, she was the one awake when we found you both.” Shiro explained. “We couldn’t find you guys anywhere.”

“B-but I remember she was dead...I tried saving her but...”

“It was a bad dream, Lance.” Allura said soothingly, visibly relaxing when Hunk and Keith got him to sit up.

Hunk immediately latched himself to Lance, squeezing the poor Cuban. “It’s so good to see you again, buddy! We were all so worried about you and Pidge! If it weren’t for Keith we wouldn’t have found you guys!”

Lance patted his bulky friend gently on the back before smiling at his emo frenemy. “Thank you, edgelord~”

“Whatever.” Keith murmured, though he returned the smile. “I’m gonna check on Pidge.”

“Wait, Keith.”

“What?”

“Take me with you. I need to see my girlfriend again.”

Everyone in the room but Lance and Keith stared with shocked expressions.

Keith merely shrugged. “I knew it was happening at some point. Just in a less traumatising way.”

[nofomoartworld]

Hyperallergic: With a Wall of Photos, Bernadette Mayer Evokes a Landscape of Memories

Bernadette Mayer, Memory, installation view (photo courtesy of CANADA, LLC)

Bernadette Mayer’s Memory, now on view at CANADA gallery, was originally shown at Holly Solomon’s performance space in 1972. Mayer shot a roll of 35 mm slide film each day for a month, in July of 1971. For each roll of film she created a diary entry. She made snapshots from the slides and displayed them unedited in a large block and read the entire diary aloud recording it on tape. The installation at CANADA shows all 1,100 images with the recording functioning as a score.

The images are faded, much like the ones you find in a shoe box in your mother or grandmother’s attic, with yellowing edges that tuck into the traditional stick-on photo corners meant for an album or scrapbook. At first glance the installation is one massive abstract grid and it’s difficult to focus on any one image. I wander along in front of this wall of images and then, to my amazement, I see someone familiar.

Single photo detail, Memory (photo by the author for Hyperallergic)

The man in the photograph looks like Dennis Budrick, someone I last saw when he looked about the same age. He is not Dennis, but the resemblance is striking: a skinny boy with long, brown hair and a cigarette in his mouth. Suddenly, I can see all of us — Dennis, me, my cousin, her boyfriend Scott — lying on her front lawn, stoned, staring up at the clouds. A short way off, in the neighbors driveway, moving men are loading a large truck. My cousin’s parents are away and we are free to do as we please. Our sole task is to watch her maternal grandfather, a tiny patrician man born in the 19th century, who had a white, waxed, handlebar mustache, was maybe five feet tall, never appeared outside his bedroom without a suit jacket on, and looked so brittle I always feared he would snap like a dried out twig.

Bliss. Days were spent watching the moving men and lying about in the grass in a state of oblivion. My cousin mentioned at some point that the neighbors had been there a long time and never even mentioned they were leaving. When her parents got back we discovered that the neighbors were on vacation too, and we had watched for days in broad daylight all of their belongings being packed into a truck and stolen by thieves. The house was completely empty. Not even a roll of toilet paper remained.

Single photo detail, Memory (photo by the author for Hyperallergic)

At first, Mayer’s words are as hard to distinguish from one another as are her images. Listening to them is akin to adjusting ones eyes to the dark. Somewhere in her text she remarks: “I say I don’t remember this day at all and these pictures I can’t remember.”

The first car I ever drove was a ‘66 gold Dodge Dart. It belonged to my mother. I had a weekend job at Rockland State Hospital and I was always running late to work. In those days, in the winter, you had to warm a car up before driving it and I never had the time or patience. One morning while speeding along the Palisades Parkway a pounding noise began to rattle the car so hard I thought it might explode. Then the engine cut off and I was coasting. I’d thrown a rod. I was late for Jimmy Maloney, who wore a football helmet 24 hours a day and who banged his head against walls and even his own shoulders so vehemently that he sported the cauliflower ears of a true boxing champ; late for Andy, the tallest boy on the ward across the hall, who painted pictures on the wall with his feces and whose father was a doctor at the hospital who never once visited him; late for Macmillan, who greeted my entry on the ward every time I came in with, “Miss Silas, this is your lucky day.”

Single photo detail, Memory (photo by the author for Hyperallergic)

Bill worked at Rockland State too. That’s how I met him. He drove a green MGBT. He once left it broken down at the bottom of my mother’s driveway for a week. That was hard to explain. Mayer says: “The whole world doesn’t exist for him he’s a monster without tails.” Pretty accurate. He worked as an attendant on the psych ward across the hall. He was handsome in a sloppy way and wore a black eye-patch over one eye like a pirate. When he was tired, he would check himself into the adult ward at the hospital, his Nurse Ratched keys to the children’s ward temporarily checked like a policeman’s gun upon entering a courtroom. He seemed to enjoy himself there on a Thorazine-assisted holiday.

Mayer’s photograph is beautiful. The image was taken somewhere suburban. What looks like a green MG to me, is on the road passing a white, wood frame house with dark shutters that has a small outbuilding one-car garage. An elongated, brown station wagon is parked at the end of the driveway. It looks so time specific. Of course, the cars contribute to that, but so does the quality and resolution of the photograph, its modest scale, the way it has faded over time.

Single photo detail, Memory (photo by the author for Hyperallergic)

In my last year of high school, the gold Dodge Dart blown, my mother picked up a black Cadillac at an estate sale. I think it was a ’67. It was the most magnificent object I had ever laid eyes upon. It had belonged to an elderly woman who never drove it. It might have had 15,000 miles on it, if that. Unlike Mayer’s Cadillac it was a hardtop. The seats were black fabric but the edges of each seat were lined in white leather with a thin band of white leather piping where white met black. It had a very large diameter steering wheel that looked like a jewel and felt in ones hands like the reigns of a magical steed. The steering wheel too was black and white and the white portions were opalescent. I had a long black raincoat, which I donned to drive this enormous car. I never felt so glamorous as I did when I swung the door to that car open and stepped out of it.

And there was one other Cadillac of that vintage in my life back then. It was bright pink with a white convertible top. It was driven by an attendant at Rockland State Hospital, the man who ran the numbers. He was Hispanic and always wore a white jumpsuit and a hat. He was easy to spot driving through the grounds, collecting chits of paper with bets on them, and on occasion delivering money to some lucky sap whose numbers hit. As soon as someone eyed that car everyone instinctively ran to the windows to watch him drive by.

Single photo detail, Memory (photo by the author for Hyperallergic)

The Wikipedia entry on Maxwell’s Plum reads:

Maxwell’s Plum was a “flamboyant restaurant and singles bar that, more than any place of its kind, symbolized two social revolutions of the 1960’s — sex and food,” at 1181 First Avenue (64th and 1st Avenue) in Manhattan. Owned by Warner LeRoy, it closed abruptly on July 10, 1988.

To this day, on the rare occasions when I find myself on the Upper East Side, a part of me still looks for that red awning — not that I frequented the place often. A friend’s much older boyfriend was a waiter there. I remember sitting off to the side of the action one night, watching Rex Harrison, seated at a choice table, with a woman whom we suspected of being a paid escort. She was heavily made up and her hairdo, makeup, and clothing suggested she had just finished modeling for Velázquez. Richard Burton had quite a bit to say in his diaries about Harrison’s various female consorts, but prior to that moment, the only consort I had imagined him with was Eliza Doolittle in My Fair Lady.

Single photo detail, Memory. Image by the author.

I arrived at Reed College in 1971. The school had a basement poolroom. I spent way too much time there trying to learn to play and watching two people who nearly made a living playing pool. One was Mark, an African-American student, very petite and fine boned, who drove an old Jaguar convertible to school, and the other was John, a tall, working class history professor, who was hoping for tenure. This was where I learned about Willie Mosconi and where I learned about keeping your cards close to your chest. I went to college to meet talented pool hustlers. What I knew about pool up to that point I learned from Fast Eddie Felson and Minnesota Fats. Fast Eddie, played in The Hustler by the screen idol Paul Newman, was especially beloved in my family for being part Jewish. And then there was Jackie Gleason, who reputedly played his own game for the film.

Mark graduated and he and the beautiful, old, white Jag with the red leather interior moved on and I have no idea what became of him. John didn’t get tenure and began hustling in Portland trying to figure out what to do next. He was smart and capable, so I never knew whether he lost out on the tenure offer because he was working class. Maybe word got out that he could take the best players at all the local pubs and pool halls, something the stuffy Reed history faculty would surely have frowned upon. In a prior tenure meeting a brilliant and much loved faculty member was reproved and voted against because he was caught having sex with a male student in his car. When a fellow faculty member, and the only vote in favor of tenure (and the source of this savory tidbit) in the history department pointed out to the chair that he too had been caught once having sex in a car with a student, the chair turned beet red and bellowed, “But that was a girl!”

Bernadette Mayer, Memory, detail (image courtesy of CANADA gallery, LLC)

What has all this to do with Bernadette Mayer? It wouldn’t normally occur to me to review an exhibition by regaling the reader with personal memories — not exactly a review. But what I found extraordinary about this show was the degree to which it got me thinking about things I hadn’t thought about in a very long time, things connected with roughly the same period Mayer documents. The events I describe took place between 1969 and 1972.

There is something exacting and precise about this installation and I am tied to the time it was made. Her writing has a certain style, short on punctuation and long on ampersands. And of course there is the photography itself. One of its significant attributes is that it can show us what something used to look like, something that has vanished, or taken place elsewhere, or grown and changed — the “what it used to look like” effect. Mayer created a series of photographs that make no attempt at being artful or formally beautiful. There is no sense that each roll is somehow a preplanned narrative. It feels very much like the document of a moment. The text is not a caption but functions as a layer of memory about the images. She recounts her day to herself in her diary after she had shot the roll of film. She doesn’t actually see the images again until the end of the month. This lag between shooting and developing has disappeared with digital photography. But for Mayer, by the time she sees her images, her memory of what she shot may have changed too. It’s a month since the first roll. She even edits her text once she sees the images.

And then I walk into the gallery, with my life and baggage. I am younger than Mayer, but not by a lot. So what is depicted is part of the landscape of memory for me too. And it’s so very particular. Instead of thinking about the show critically, I am swept up in the tailwind of it and I end up creating a new layer of memory that rests on top of what she has given, and I suspect that this can only happen to those for whom these images exist in direct correlation with experience. In other words, if you weren’t yet born in 1971, it is a question what happens when you enter this show and look at this installation and hear Mayer’s comforting and confident voice. Truthfully, I have no idea. It was far too evocative of my own history for me to step back and see it “objectively.” For me, this exhibition was a real gift of memory.

Bernadette Mayer’s Memory, continues on view at CANADA gallery (333 Broome Street, Lower East Side, Manhattan) through October 8.

The post With a Wall of Photos, Bernadette Mayer Evokes a Landscape of Memories appeared first on Hyperallergic.

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[secondgcn]

TIME PERIOD: PRE-TWINS 

I am a thing called alive.

The last few months have been the biggest learning process of my life. The more pain I stand, the more I learn. The more I force myself to embrace, the more doors to happiness I open. The more I confront, the more I learn about what I want from the world. I've learned that the purpose of my human life is to love and be loved. This is when my soul feels the most content. This is when I'm most happy. This is when I feel the most alive. I wish to embrace this and stop running away from it.

When I was with Cordelia I was heavily attracted to the concept of home that she had made for herself; I do not mean the physical four walled barrier in which she resides. No, I mean her home. Where her heart dwells, where she finds comfort, where she goes to find rest. I see a woman that I’ve once connected solely to her immaculate brain who now shares a pulse with her home. Not the place. The feeling. I saw a girl who was overly independent, an over achiever. I girl that liked to do things by herself and for herself. But she also has a husband and children. She has a best friend that she is careful to keep tight-lipped about, but who I know she loves dearly. A job that she is passionate about. A lifestyle that is comfortable for her. She has the things that I do not have, but I want more than anything, a home. My mind has foudn it’s dwelling, but it’s my heart that has the problem.

After leaving Cordelia I searched desperately for that physical place to call home. A tangible place to go and call my own. I was back and forth, in and out of places for a month, but everywhere I went I was reminded of the loneliness that I was faced with. I would not go back to Cory and impose on all that she had. I would not go back to my family and face them. I could not go back to May. So I went to India. I went to the same town that my Mother was from; strangers watched from their windows and porches as I walked throughout the streets: a new man in a town of the same people for generation after generation. I was a man that they had never seen before, a man that didn’t look like one of them. I was approached by an elder who seemed the only one bold enough to face me. “Who are you?” He questioned. I introduce myself by first name, my real first name. He looks relaxed to hear that I am more like him than he thinks. I tell him of my Mother, and then I’m instantly greeted with a hug and introduces me to the whole community. They all know and remember her. There are still stories of her circulating this town. Your connections, those you share a pulse with, will always be there to bring you home.

I spend 3 months with these people. I buy a small house on the end of the road in the same neighborhood with the man I met on my first day. I integrate myself into their society and become one of them. My Hindi becomes as clean and crisp as it’s ever been and as it ever will be. I learn that the man I met on my first day is an old friend of my Mother. He is also a priest, and though we don’t believe in the same thing he continuously pours spiritual and emotional wisdom and knowledge into me. One day we pack up our bags and spend one-week hiking and camping next to a string of temples along the Ganga River. It was one week of meditation and self-reflection, the longest I had ever been forced to be with myself. “I can tell that your heart is very calloused. You’ve felt so much pain that your heart has turned to stone. Do not think that this is the way you will be forever,” he says simply to me one day right before he falls asleep.

I need help. For the first time in my life, I’m ready to accept help. I call Michael because as much as I hear about how good it is to have an unbiased person on your side, I need my family. He comes alone, meeting me in my new house, in this new country, with my temporarily new identity. In two weeks, Michael learns more about me than he has learned in all of our years of knowing each other. I am tired of the life I have been living, I’m tired of all the pain, and even more, I’m tired of not being able to feel anymore; I tell him everything in an attempt to save my life. “As a child, you weren’t allowed to show negative emotions. You were the boy, you had to be strong and capable for your sisters. You couldn’t cry, you couldn’t be angry, you couldn’t hate –– You weren’t allowed to. So now that you want to love, your whole emotional mechanism is flipped upside down. It cannot function.”

So what was I so upset about? What had taken such a toll on me that it had started to eat away at my heart? May. But why was that? What did she do? She cheated on me. I hadn’t told my family. Michael tried not to give up a tell but he was surprised, I saw it on his face. Why was I so upset about this? Yes, I liked her for a very long time. But once we began seeing each other, I understood that our relationship was destined to be a friendship. There’s a difference between really loving someone and loving the idea of her. I loved May dearly, but romantically, I only loved the idea of her. I was okay with this, it’s what I wanted. So why am I so upset that she cheated? Because she still lied. She still broke your trust. She cheated. You don’t need to feel confused about your feelings. You don’t need to feel bad about feeling them. They are valid. I miss her, I confess. I need her softness to crack my marble heart. But how do I face her, now? I have the choice. I can either move on with or without her. At least talk to her once before you make that decision.

I say goodbye to my new friends in my new town, I look at my new house one last time before locking the door and leaving. I go back to America to attend a Ministry Party, hoping to see May again. The party is held in a lavish mansion, classical music audible from the inside as I walk the pathway into the house. I am greeted by a plethora of old friends and colleagues. “Hello, how are you?” They ask. “Oh, fine, fine –– couldn’t be better. Keeping busy,” I smile politely. If they would just look into my eyes they would see that things couldn’t be much worse. It’s all smiles and laughter as I walk along the room, and I can’t stop thinking of how everyone here must be having a perfectly lousy time. I mean everyone. I wonder why people show up to these things?

I walk around and suddenly I stop in my tracks. I hear her speak. I turn around, my eyes desperately searching for her. And there she is, talking to a small group of women. I smile softly and feel as if I’m seeing the sun for the first time in months like I’m feeling it’s rays heating up my skin after a long winter. A woman walks away, giving a closer view of May, and now I’m reminded of her pregnancy. Her round tummy is protruding out of her petite body, covered by a long flowy dress. I’m not smiling anymore. I’m reminded of her infidelity. I see her and shutter. I think to myself, I can kill her. I can kill her right now. I’ve polished my anger and now it’s a knife. May took my pride, dignity, and hope. Without my realizing, she took and took from me until I no longer existed. That’s murder.  And I can do the same. As I watch her I see the woman that made me feel miserable, a waste. Like I was just another man that she could try to pin down. Maybe she only liked me when her legs were wrapped around my waist because that was a better sight than seeing me break down when my anxiety had been battling with me and I hadn’t slept in days.

And then she turns and she sees me. Just by the way she looks at me I know that my life was going to change forever. It’s funny how quickly emotions for someone can change with just the meeting of eyes. In an instant, I'm caught in a limbo between love and hurt. I am no longer the angry lion that has been let out of his cage. I’m the whispering wind, the ocean swirling around her hair and across her face. And all it took was one look. It was too sad, but it was beautiful too, how quickly my anger went away. Her eyes move across the room as if she’s looking for something. When she’s done searching she looks to me, putting a single finger on her chin: months after we met we had come up with a few hand signs to communicate without others knowing. Two fingers on the chin meant you were telling the absolute truth, and one meant ‘follow me.’ She starts walking up the stairs, and I give her a few seconds of a head start before I slowly follow. She’s several feet ahead of me, walking down a long and mostly empty hallway. A man that’s walking past her says something to her, a joke, that makes her laugh. And she does, her wonderful happy laugh sounds like music to my ears, the noise so contagious that I began to laugh too. It was one of those moments where she saved me, making me laugh at just the right time.  I knew then that perhaps for forever, one of my favorite noises would be the sound of May Parkinson laughing.

Funny how even though we were meeting for the first time in months, the last meeting between the two of us literally marking us forever, we were able to laugh. People always say that opposites attract. I think that’s why I had tried too damn hard to make us work. She’s the girl who measures exactly two teaspoons of sugar to put in her tea and I'm the boy with calloused palms who likes to get dirty and climbs mountains because I like the way stars look when there is nothing in the way. She’s frothy milk and I'm pure adrenaline. Honestly, we look like two idiots together. She’s a charity dinner with a beautiful gown you’ll only wear once and I’m a five o’clock shadow and a poorly tailored coat. I’m on the tallest ledge and she’s shaking on a rock climbing wall with slippery hands, two feet above the ground. But laughing. The two of us always laughing. And maybe I was laughing at the joke at first but then it was at you and me and for the world working in a way that made us both need each other so desperately. Opposites. You’re damn right, they attract. There’s a certain pull between attraction and commitment. She always knew that. Maybe that’s why she laughed so easily even with the tension that would be sure to follow. Because she knew that one day I’d climb up onto Everest and find that she was already there. But I don’t know, I’m still learning. Learning that I might have dropped off too many pieces of myself at her place. I’m learning that I’ll always come back. I’m learning that I’m just the boy who jumps from cliff tops to see stars and she’s the girl whose feet never leave the ground, but she’ll watch me walk into the clouds and disappear with a smile on her face because she knows she’ll see me again.

I think she’s happy to see me, that she knew I would be back, but she goes into a room that looks like a Victorian era office and turns around and all I see is fear in her eyes. In her eyes, I see glimpses, the awful flash of pain that told me I had did something wrong and that she was still holding it against me. I study her face and I catch the mostly healed scar along her jawline, the mark of me hitting her. But maybe she’s looking at my eyes, and she’s seeing the pain that she had caused me. I wonder which was worse: we had both betrayed each others trust.

I reached out and cupped one side of her face with my palm, covering where I had hit her, and I hadn’t even realized I had tears welling up in my eyes because when I blinked a thick drop fell from my eye. “I’m sorry, may. I'm so so sorry.” I apologized. Her hand was over-mine and she kept shaking her head. She wouldn’t let me apologize. She was the sorry one. And she kept apologizing, she was so sorry for the hurt she had caused me. But I didn’t want to take the sorry because I was so used to the one that was always in the wrong. I told her it was okay, that I had practically forced her into dating me. She had to talk to me sternly: I had to let her apologize. As she apologized she began crying, and I hated to see her cry. So I attempted to hug her, but her stomach created a gap in between us. We both started laughing through our tears. Her stomach was big, bigger than I remembered either of my sisters or even my mom's pregnant stomach being. “There is two of them in here. A boy and a girl,” she announced, and we started laugh crying again. I was on my knees by now, placing my ear against her belly and listening to the movement of the two babies inside, and perhaps it was the emotions of the moment but my heart kept telling me that they were mine. I asked for a paternity test. “Elvis…” her voice faded out as I looked up at her. “They … they aren’t. . .” she shook her head, but I shook mine too. “Just one test, and I'll leave you alone about it.” I promised, standing up.

After months of looking for a home, I've realized that home is where my heart is, and regardless of romance, May has my heart. I need her in my life, and I can have her and not go anywhere. I can forgive her and get past this because her friendship means more to me than a mistake. I can overlook the bad because there’s always good beyond it when it comes to us. If she was with me and helped me through my darkest days then I can be with her through this. When I'm with her, this terrible world is beautiful and not so terrible anymore. I've visited my family briefly after my first meeting with May, and even though they keep beckoning me back to them, I've decided to move to New York to stay with May, so she doesn’t have to be alone as she raises twins. The worst and most depressing mindset is not having anything to look forward to, but now, I accept my future because I know I have years and two extra precious souls to look forward to.

Theodore and Judith are coming any day now.

[addcrazy-blog]

New Post has been published on Add Crazy

New Post has been published on https://addcrazy.com/trump-circle-of-relatives-launches-high-upward-push-tower/

Trump circle of relatives launches high-upward push tower

Vancouver is bracing for protests because the Trump family prepares to release its state-of-the-art assignment in Canada amid a growing backlash from neighborhood residents.

The USA president’s sons, Donald Jr and Eric, will attend the release on Tuesday of the Trump Worldwide Hotel and Tower, a C$360m ($273m) improvement in which one-bedroom apartments begin at around C$1m and Motel rooms go for at the least C$300 a night.

But the addition of the Trump name to the skyline of a city where almost half the population is foreign-born has brought about sizeable anger. For plenty, the call evokes the president’s anti-immigrant rhetoric, vows to briefly ban Muslims from u . S . A . and reversal on transgender rights.

“We want to ward off against this emboldening of hatred and misogyny and xenophobia and racism,” said Mathew Kagis, one of the organizers in the back of the Trump Welcome Birthday celebration, a day-long protest being planned out of doors the sparkling, twisting tower on Tuesday. “The ones aren’t values that we’ve got and we want it to be made truly clear.”

Trump’s election has already had ripple consequences north of the border, said Kalis. Flyers endorsing white supremacy and railing against the LGBTQ community have peppered metro Vancouver at the same time as a growing quantity of asylum seekers within the US are placing their lives at risk to go into Canada by using the foot.

“This is without a doubt scary stuff so we simply felt that there had to be a sincerely vocal and public pushback,” Kalis stated. The protest is one among two anti-Trump rallies being deliberate.

The tower, designed with the aid of the late Canadian architect Arthur Erickson, was first conceived as a part of the Ritz-Carlton brand however canceled inside the wake of the global economic crisis. In 2013 the belongings developer, Holborn Institution, discovered a brand new accomplice for the undertaking. “It’s a stunning city,” Donald Trump told news hounds as he announced the relaunch of the challenge. “And we’re going to make it greater stunning.”

As Trump labored the campaign path last summer season, Holborn stated the building – which at 69 stories now ranks as one of the town’s tallest – had reached record-placing prices for a new apartment assignment in Canada.

The jarring assessment among the city and the values espoused by means of the building’s namesake became laid bare in past due 2015, after numerous city councilors launched a marketing campaign to have Trump’s call removed from the constructing.

“It has become a beacon of racism and a temple to intolerance,” said Vancouver city councilor Kerry Jang. “When you consider Vancouver, it’s the maximum multicultural town in Canada … we’ve got forty-eight% of our population foreign born and we have records here in Canada of giving all and sundry a risk.”

Tens of hundreds delivered their names to an online petition at the same time as Vancouver’s mayor and the most fulfilling of British Columbia also subsidized the call. “Trump’s call and logo don’t have any extra region on Vancouver’s skyline than his ignorant ideas have within the modern-day international,” the Vancouver mayor, Gregor Robertson, wrote in a 2015 letter to Holborn.

ultimate week, developer Joo Kim Tiah – the son of one in every of Malaysia’s richest men – stated he have been torn among addressing the metropolis’s worries and the felony implications of the settlement signed with the Trump Organization. “I used to be terrified,” Joo Kim told the Associated Press. “The individuals who ran the city had been no longer happy with me. I used to be scared, but I suppose they apprehend. They understand that I’m trapped into – no longer trapped, locked into – a settlement.”

The terms of his licensing deal have now not been publicly released.

Jang said he did not suppose anyone from the metropolis of Vancouver would be attending Tuesday’s commencing. “I don’t assume absolutely everyone’s been invited because we made it very clear no one would pass,” he said.

The tower’s commencing might do little to hose down the ongoing marketing campaign to erase the Trump call from the metropolis skyline, he brought. “Vancouver is a completely energetic metropolis,” he said. “We’re Canadian, so we’re very polite but we’re continual.”

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What’s Included In Package

The SFI access Package is basically a web website online get right of entry to that has the only price of being your e-mail address. This provides you with getting entry to their associated software and the capacity to through Products and sign on new associates in your downline. This offers you get entry to the entire training software. The only upsell to this basic access stage is the “eye earn program” and it fee 20 bucks.

The Trump Network has two entry levels. The short begin approach that sells for $497.00 and the fundamental stage that sells for $forty eight.00. The most effective distinction that I can see to these two ranges is that for a primary couple of months the costly model allows you get right of entry to a number of the higher level stuff whatever that is. I’ve no longer considered the Trump schooling software.

Annual Fees

The Trump Community has an annual price for the club as can Satisfactory be determined from the internet site. (I’ve now not but purchased a club) The annual Charges can be mentioned inside the club package.

SFI is a free entry Multilevel marketing business no annual Fees are charged.

Projected Annual Family earnings of Client

The cost of the product for The Trump Network is $60.00 in keeping with month consistent with person The annual earnings of the Purchaser family for a four-member circle of relatives would be approximate $100,000 consistent with 12 months. Assuming that simplest The two adults inside the own family took the dietary supplements the fee could be $1400 in step with a year for the family. So that it will have $1400 consistent with yr discretionary profits the family could want to carry domestic over $eighty,000 consistent with yr or about $100,000 gross earnings.

SFI has no minimal necessities but they also would love you to enroll in a minimum program. All Mom’s push minimal product usage. This ensures the existence of this system. Even though clients simplest buy for themselves the company is relaxed.

international Extensive Shipping Preparations

Trump Community might not be capable of ship their product, at least the cutting-edge product global Wide. There may be many governmental and fitness restrictions for the import of these product in many countries. The oldsters at SFI have grow to be a really world Extensive enterprise with the addition or regional delivery facilities and local enterprise where there Merchandise may be picked up.

cost Of Equipment And education

The cost of Gear to build your Multi level marketing commercial enterprise is always a consideration inside the decision to join a software. The access degree fee of the Trump Community is either $497 or $48. The $497 application appears to have extra Tools and training to be had. The $48 is a bare bones access program and it appears which you are mostly on your very own at this level.

The SFI application has no value to enroll in, however, they provide a basic advertising and marketing package for $20.00 referred to as the eye Earn bundle. It looks to be a quite bargain.

The price of education for the SFI software is Included for free. It encompasses many pages of textual content and plenty of videos. I can’t tell you exactly what the Trump education application looks as if but for the cost it better be appropriate.

End

What is the Pleasant application? The Trump Community virtually has the Excellent media insurance. I question that if it’ll have that in ten years. This may honestly get it off to a flying start. If they had the products to lower back up the media hype it would be an exquisite possibility. Without a much broader product line It’s far going to be tough to make any money besides for the fact begin technique where a chunk of the $497 joins up price is passed to the up line. This form of rings a bell in my memory of the chain letter aspect.

The SFI possibility is an established tune file. They were in a commercial enterprise for over 10 years and are in the middle of one of the most important enterprise expansions ever attempted. The number of new lines and shops is hard to trust. The fee with their maximum costly package deal is less than $100.00.

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