#he's so guilty and self loathing rn | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

softgrungeprophet · 2 years ago

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something something essay about the ways in which peter uses the pretense of training and/or working through his anger as a veil for what is essentially self-harm and self-punishment via (as one example, from i believe the book of peter) beating dumpsters and concrete until his knuckles bleed

ok this was supposed to be a joke but i can't stop myself from rambling at the drop of a hat so i'm gonna talk about it (mostly my au)

(cw for mentions of fictional self-harm and sexual abuse/assault fyi)

that combination of anger and self-loathing does a number on him huh

i have just been thinking about it as i think about the ways in which i am intertwining his own traumas into this story, though often not thoroughly enough tbh... i feel like i haven't been taking uncle ben's death into account enough, especially in hindsight as peter is only 19 rn where i'm at in the timeline, so it's only been three years since his uncle died at most.

but also mostly been thinking about it in the context of the fact that i'm bringing prof warren into the story soon, coming on the heels of flash's breakdown which peter feels guilty about—and so piling that together with his many issues, including his sensory overload issues as well as childhood trauma pre-dating spidey, and how self harm plays into that via not just beating up on things that are actually capable of breaking skin but also thru direct self injury via nervous tics involved in his overload-panic attacks (or adjacent at least)

also as that ties to his spidey sense—idk who is reading all this shit tho i know ofc kita has read some of it and at least one other person did make a comment about starting from the beginning after i posted *checks notes* 50,000 words to this au, but anyway, if anyone has read both the fic where flash is in the hospital and the recent fic chapter where rosie's at the ER, you will notice that i consistently have peter tapping the back of his neck when he is in an overloaded state and that's because i also put the spidey sense sensations generally along the back of the neck and up the skull (though prob also elsewhere on the body in theory) so it's a form of grounding or self-soothing to tap the spot it feels most strongly even when it's not going off actively, as it ties directly into his neuroses so tbh i wouldn't be surprised if it actually is going off when he gets into these states...

but that focus on the neck will later manifest (not written yet) in a more extreme way when peter has a public breakdown (for the first time since he was a toddler arguably) and scratches the back of his neck until it bleeds because he's in a messed up emotional overload state and can't control it (ah and of course this ties into self-control and other control which is always the theme, isn't it... everything is about control w/ him, from pulling his punches to sexuality)

imo and as i write him, he doesn't normally do this and normally focuses his issues outwardly by beating up on objects (or people) (which he does in that scene too, directly preceding this moment) which still makes him bleed if he's in bad enough of a state to beat on concrete for hours, but that in extenuating circumstances like this one it can become more direct as a form of i guess... stimming but bad for you. is there a word for that? i forget. i guess it's related to dermatillomania and i might mentioned him skin-picking later on if i remember to include that (but no scars cause he heals so fast) esp since i've already mentioned (once, briefly) that he bites his nails.

i'll also be extending this thought to characters like kaine and ben since they're his clones but also because kaine specifically my notes are emphasizing the fact that where peter and ben are more capable of self-regulation, kaine isn't, and he can't handle things that they can handle because he is more sensitive to overloads due to already working at a constant low level of sensory stimulation his brothers aren't because of both chronic pain and broken spider-sense, and thus is more susceptible to the kinds of breakdowns that peter has been having only in situations that trigger his hospital-related traumas (uncle ben dying key among that) (or later, which trigger his trauma wrt sexual assault/molestation as a preteen) (because i am tying that into his backstory as something thematically relevant to warren's predation of gwen in college, and use of sexual abuse as a leverage for power and ownership over his female students first and then over kaine the "failed object" and as part of his revenge on peter for denying him his prize (gwen))

i do think kaine will probably also have that direct aspect in both the things that peter also does (scratching, biting, skin-picking) but also using his own hand on himself (by which i mean the acid (?) handprint stuff)

which, related to warren, ties back into peter's freakout after saving gwen from being raped by prof. warren (which as i said i haven't written yet, but i have notes for including some dialogue)

i'm not 100% this scene will include peter scratching his neck or how the breakdown will go entirely, when i write it, cause it may end up changing slightly depending on what feels natural to me to write and what flows most naturally out of him *checks notes* beating warren unconscious.

but i suppose what i am always doing when i write these kinds of scenes with peter is acknowledging a kind of discomfort on all levels which i don't feel i particularly see often—usually it's either he's 100% together OR it's some ooc stuff where he's reduced to an almost infantile state of crying which is like... i get it, i cry easily too, but there's such a strange sense of objectification and almost fetishization or sexualization to some of these things i've seen written and that I don't particularly enjoy, which i've rambled about before so i won't go into that here.

but i feel like… idk i want to explore the aspects that aren't necessarily cute, or idk… pretty? part of why i like andrew g as peter is that tasm peter in particular is awkward and weird in a way that isn't Cute and Fun, or Baby? the awkward convos he has with gwen are so deeply relatably awkward and uncomfortable, and he is twitchy and neurotic and weird and distractable and quite passionate (and handsome😌) and i appreciate that and i think it fits very well w/ 616 peter, considering 616 peter is himself pretty fucking weird even when he's suave and sexy (which is most of the time XD)

so like i said it's just something i always think about and something i'm particularly thinking about now as i write this story about a still pretty young (19 yo) peter navigating his own past traumas wrt death and sexual assault as well as current traumas like flash's injury a year earlier and so on and so forth and how i want to approach both gwen having to comfort peter but also peter being able to switch back around to comfort HER because she is obvs frightened in this moment! both because of peter's violence and because of prof warren's attempt to claim her body against her will (which peter stops)

i want to balance that they are both traumatized and both need to take care of the other to feel functional in that moment because it allows them to detach slightly, but also that both need a chance to break down and cry because of what happened (now and in the past), regardless of being in public…

and then peter gets arrested for aggravated assault lol

(and boy peter's violence as well as deliberate non-violence are also always a constant present theme in this au as well as other things i write... it's about....... making a difficult and conscious choice.... and working hard not to hurt the people you love (flash)) (i am constantly thinking about flash's father as i write peter fyi, if anyone noticed the multiple times i have compared him to harrison directly in the context of his temper, violence, and purposeful gentleness with flash)

wow there's no point to this post i just needed to word vomit really bad

this peter has also def come close to committing a murder (when ock crushed flash's legs) and i think he always will be capable of that, physically obviously, and mentally, but idk if or when he will. truly not sure. this might tie into his early death at age 49 and being gunned down by the national guard but not sure what/how much of that i'll use or if there might be other moments that may end in him slipping, or inadvertently being the cause of someone's death (well, technically this will happen w/ norman, drawing heavily from what happened in the original silver age comics, but in this case it's norman getting knocked out of a 60 story window in addition to./instead of? getting impaled by his own glider)

(ben kills miles warren though, at least in the notes i have now)

#nadia rambles #arghwrites #well relevant at least

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imnctsorryarchived-blog · 8 years ago

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open | tommy oliver (reboot)

“I can’t believe that one person can cause so much pain and misery.” Tommy was sitting on a cliff ledge that overlooked Angel Grove, heart twisting at the smoke that still rose from the buildings. He’d broken free of Rita, but at what cost? What damage had he done before he’d broken away? What lives had he taken? After the battle, he’d dumped the power coin in the water that led to the Rangers’ command center and had taken off. Unfortunately, it seemed that someone had discovered him. “Come to kill me for my sins? End it once and for all?”

#openpowerrangersrp #power rangers rp #indie power rangers rp #mmpr rp #🐲 he's absolutely legendary (tommy interactions)#someone come comfort my broken dragon child #he's so guilty and self loathing rn

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why-what-no · 2 years ago

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HIIIII CHARLOTTEEE

Im begging for another billy hargrove x (gn this time) reader angst, where the reader relapsed on heroin (im having troubles with substance abuse rn so i would love to read something like that) after being clean for two months (the longest theyve gone), and why they relapsed is because they just couldnt ignore and hold back the urge to do it, they felt like they needed to, and since that was the reasoning, they feel very guilty, so they walked to billys house (while high) and just started rambling to him, apologizing while also kinda getting defensive, like they dont wanna admit it but they know they have to, hes obviously disappointed but helps them. i would love for it to be in his pov, i kinda want billy to feel like the song fine line by harry styles. thank you 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏😘

Fine Line

Pairing: Billy Hargrove x GN!Reader

Warnings: Substance Abuse, Swearing

Notes: Hope I did this well, and I hope this helps you with everything you’re going through, even just a little bit. 💕

Just once, had been their thought process as they eyed the powder. It’s fine, I really just need this, I need to feel it.

The guilt clawed at (Y/N) as they stumbled down the street. The euphoric joy was fading and was being replaced by a drugged haze and feelings of self-loathing and guilt. They had been clean, they had been fine.

Until hours earlier, when they couldn’t take it anymore and broke open their hidden stash. It helped them for a little while, before they realized what what they had done.

Realized that they had thrown two months of sobriety down the drain. Their longest time sober yet.

It had led to (Y/N) stumbling down the streets until they arrived at their boyfriend’s home. They didn’t know how he would react, the darkness in their brain telling them that Billy would be furious. There was a fine line between love and hate, and they were terrified that their actions would make him cross it.

But they still wanted to see him, they needed it.

***

Billy heard a knock on the door as he was working out. His father and Susan were out for dinner, Max was out with her friends. He had called (Y/N) a few hours earlier to come over, but hadn’t got a response.

But as he opened the door, his partner was there. “Hey-” he said, but they just pushed passed him, standing in the middle of the room. That worried him, worried him just as much as the jittery way they were moving.

“I called you earlier.” He said, cautiously approaching them. “Are you alright?”

(Y/N) laughed nervously, further proving his hypothesis that something was wrong. “I’m fine, honest Billy. Healthy as a horse.” But they weren’t looking at him in the eye, and they sounded too positive.

“(Y/N).” He could hear the concern in his own voice. “Why didn’t you call me?” Maybe they would answer that questions.

But… “I just wasn’t there… I mean, I was there but I wasn’t… there.” They trailed off vaguely, sounding oddly defensive.

A realization hit Billy.

He took a deep breath, hoping that he wasn’t right. “Babe, did you take something?” He knew about (Y/N)‘s addiction, thought that they had gotten better.

“It was just a couple of lines and…”

“A couple?!”

They stepped back, just as a pit was forming in his stomach. “I’m sorry! Don’t yell at me!” They said, even though he had barely raised his voice. “I’m fine, see?” They gestured. “I’m sorry, okay? But like…”

“(Y/N).” Billy muttered, worry in his voice. (Y/N) practically wilted at that tone. They knew that he had been so proud of them for quitting. They had done it for him, but Billy hadn’t had to deal with a relapse yet. He had hoped that it wouldn’t happen, and after 2 months of sobriety he had been lulled into a false sense of security.

But now they were in from of him, and he was so scared that he was about to loose them. “I’m not angry at you.” He sighed, not wanting to fight with them, it wouldn’t lead to anything good. Instead, he pulled them closer to him, telling himself that as long as (Y/N) was next to him, he could keep them safe. “It’s not your fault. It’s that goddamn fucking drug.”

He loved them, he really did. But he could feel the disappointment bubbling inside of him. He tried to push down it down. It was his primary reaction after the worry and fear, but he knew it would be useless. It wouldn’t help to situation and he know it wasn’t really their fault.

They sniffed against him, holding onto his shirt. “It is, though. It’s me. I did this.”

“No, you didn’t.” He hoped that his voice would sooth them. “You’re just sick, it’s just your brain.”

They shook their head against him, but was beginning to breath normally.

“You’re fine.” He whispered to them. “You’re alright. We’ll be alright.”

He lowered the both of them to the floor, cradling his love in his arms. Trying to stay patient, he traced patterns over their back.

They didn’t speak for a while, but after a few moments he finally heard their voice, still raspy from crying. “I don’t think I can get better.”

Those words broke his heart, and he tried to stifle his own tears. “You can, I’ll help you. Okay, sunshine? I’m going to help you get better. I’m not going to let you do this alone.”

He made that promise to them, to himself.

#stranger things #billy hargrove imagine #stranger things billy #billy hargrove angst #billy hargove x reader #stranger things x reader #angst #my fics

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daddyjackfrost · 4 years ago

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Akaashi Keiji;

Prompt 6: “There’s nothing you could say to me that would ever make me stop.”

i’m so in love with this man.

warnings: angst? hurt/comfort? fluff kinda? insecure Akaashi, mention of not being good enough, tears, a sweet kiss, akaashi hating himself:(

a/n: this was kinda rushed and it’s 2:57 am rn and i just thought about this and i had to write it. which is ironic because there are like 8 half finished writing pieces staring at me rn but wtvr

!!!! A/ex/g ➡️ Akaashi’s ex-girlfriend

Akaashi Keiji stared at himself in the window of a floral shop.

His blue eyes raked over his simple attire, messy black hair, and the briefcase he clutched in his right hand.

Akaashi had planned to stop at this floral shop today to plan and get an order on your favourite flowers for your one year anniversary in two days.

Akaashi couldn’t believe it had almost been a whole year. He couldn’t believe that someone like you stayed with him for a whole year.

Akaashi reached for the door handle, and then paused. What if he got you the wrong flowers? What if they didn’t come on time? What if you hated them?

With pursed lips, Akaashi took a step back, and then turned around and began walking back to his car. Akaashi had been a mess all day. He woke up five minutes after his alarm went off, causing you to wake up, and Akaashi had felt so guilty. Then, at work, he had managed to lose a manga panel, which he found after ten minutes, but those ten minutes had been the most terrifying ten minutes of his life.

Akaashi sat in his car and gripped the steering wheel. His eyes fell on his hands and he frowned. Long and pale fingers stared back at him, and he quickly released the wheel.

Akaashi sighed and then did something out of character.

Akaashi slammed the steering wheel and let out a quiet string of curses.

As of right now, Akaashi hated himself. Akaashi had a bad habit of being caught up in his own head and indulging in his negative thoughts, but he had been really good at keeping himself level headed.

Akaashi knew why he had done a good job.

You.

Biting the inside of his cheek, Akaashi started his car and began to drive, making sure to keep his eyes on the road and not his hands. His stomach churned and Akaashi had no idea why he couldn’t just stay out of his head. Why did he have to fall into this negative and self-loathing mindset so close to your anniversary?

Unknowing to Akaashi, his subconscious knew why. The only reason Akaashi was on a self destructive rampage was because of your one year anniversary. Akaashi didn’t think he was capable—deserving—of the love you had for him, and it was eating him up.

Ever since he was a young boy, Akaashi had known that life was not on anyone’s side. Akaashi would have a few great weeks, and then he would have a terrible week. It had become a routine, a sixth sense. Akaashi had been waiting for the terrible week for a while, not believing that he was allowed to have just a good month.

The writer believed in happy endings, just not his own. Past relationships had made it very clear that Akaashi could not be loved. His last and longest relationship had shown him that he would never be enough, and it was eating him.

Akaashi hadn’t even realized he was home until he stopped the car and looked up. Slowly, Akaashi turned off the car and opened the car door.

He was anxious.

He knew you waited inside, and although a bigger part of Akaashi wanted to see you and lay in your arms, the insecure version of Akaashi, the one he kept hidden, wanted to be alone. Akaashi had always been a calm and collected person, until he wasn’t, and Akaashi hated it when others saw him at his weakest.

You knew of Akaashi’s insecurities. His anxiety attacks. And even though you have told him countless times that it was nothing to be ashamed of, Akaashi wasn’t willing to believe you.

Akaashi wiped the sweat off his hands, and forced a small smile upon his face. He knew you would immediately see through his facade, but he did it anyways.

Akaashi opened the door to his house and was immediately greeted with soft music playing. He took a few small steps in and heard a familiar tune of BTS’s The Truth Untold. Akaashi quietly untied his tie and slipped off his shoes, his eyes on your back as you quietly swayed, staring at two picture frames in your hands.

You hadn’t noticed Akaashi yet, and he was thankful. Akaashi’s eyes glazed over some of the boxes that belonged to you, and his heart started beating faster.

Akaashi had asked you to move in with him two weeks ago, so why was he nervous? Why was his heart beating faster at the thought of you in his space?

Akaashi finally cleared his throat and you quickly turned around, releasing a small breath of surprise.

You quickly put down the two frames and smiled at Akaashi. “Keiji! How long have you been standing there?”

Akaashi swallowed the lump in his throat, and licked his cracked lips.

Your eyes zeroed in on Akaashi’s slightly pale face, his disheveled tie, and the slight shake of his fingers.

You immediately took small steps towards Akaashi, frowning when you noticed how shaken he looked.

Akaashi just stared at you with wide eyes. You were really here. You were really with him. You were moving in with him. All of the evidence was right there, so why was Akaashi having such a hard time believing it?

You slowly brought your hand up to rest on Akaashi’s arm but he flinched, and you dropped your hand.

With furrowed eyebrows and eyes filled with concern, you took a small step back, wanting to give Akaashi his space.

“Keiji? What’s wrong?”

I don’t know, Akaashi wanted to tell you. Sometimes I look at you and my heart begins to beat faster. I don’t why you’re with me, he wants to yell, when you can do so much better.

Instead, Akaashi says, “Why are you here, y/n?”

Your heart drops into your stomach but you don’t move. You don’t show your hurt, because you know Akaashi didn’t mean it like that. You knew the signs. Akaashi looked pained, like he had been walking through a storm, except the storm was in his head.

“What do you mean, Keiji?”

Akaashi dropped his briefcase and ran his hands through his hair. You bent down and picked up the briefcase, and gently put it down on the table.

You walked to the kitchen and filled up a cup with water, and then walked to the sofa. You looked up and met Akaashi’s clouded eyes.

“Sit down, Keiji.” You sat down on the couch, motioning for Akaashi to do so as well. “Talk to me.”

Akaashi had no control over his movements, not when you spoke to him with a soft voice and gentle eyes.

Akaashi walked to the sofa, sitting down on the edge. He wasn’t used to talking about his feelings. Before you, he never even tried, but ever since you walked into his life six years ago, it had been a bit easier for him to talk and try and explain his feelings.

Akaashi sighed and rubbed his hands together. Your eyes were on his hands. Akaashi unconsciously dragged his fingernails across his hands, leaving red marks.

You reached out and grabbed both of his hands in yours. You didn’t look up at him, your sole focus on his hands. You gently rubbed your thumb over the scratches, trying to soothe them.

Akaashi stared at your actions with watering eyes.

You both were quiet, your music had filled the silence. You would never force Akaashi to talk, and he knew that, but you also wanted to push Akaashi into talking. Akaashi was intelligent, and he usually found the solutions to his concerns as he talked. All you did was make sure he was on the right path.

“I’m scared,” Akaashi finally mumbled after some time. You didn’t stop holding his hands, you slowly drew circles on the backside of his hands, knowing that it brought him comfort.

“Scared of what, Keiji?”

“You.”

You looked up, and Akaashi looked down to meet your eyes. Your eyes met his and you were quite sure everything around you stopped. His dark eyes reminded you of the bottom of the ocean. They were dark, hiding secrets you would only know if you swam all the way down. Fortunately for you, you weren’t scared of drowning, and as you looked into those heavenly deep eyes, you could see yourself sinking to the bottom of the ocean.

Akaashi’s eyes held so many emotions, so many unsaid words he wished to convey.

“I’m scared of the way you make me feel. I see you and I stop breathing.” Akaashi stared into your eyes. His lips lightly quivered and you knew that the words coming out of Akaashi’s mouth would be the most important words you would ever hear. “When A/ex/g left me, I never thought I would love again. I was so sure that I would never open my heart again, and then you stood by me every single day and you always smiled at me and you--you never let me feel alone, y/n.”

You let out a small breath. Akaashi had never been this vocal about his feelings for you, and your eyes began to water. You weren’t quite sure where Akaashi was going with his words, but you were just glad that you were here to hear them.

“It hurts. I just want you to have the best and I’m not the best y/n.” Akaashi’s watering blue eyes locked on yours and you felt your heart break as you heard Akaashi’s next words.

“I’m not the best for you, y/n. You deserve better but I’m greedy and I don’t want you to leave me but I can’t give you much. I’m a mess and I’m anxious and I can’t really breathe and I want to love you the way you deserve but I don’t think I can.”

You watched as a tear rolled down Akaashi’s beautifully pale skin. Akaashi’s words rang in your head, but you wanted to laugh. You wanted to laugh and you wanted to cry and you wanted to hold and kiss Akaashi, but all of that had to wait.

As smoothly as you could, you slipped off the sofa and sat on your knees in front of Akaashi. You held his hands in yours and you looked up at him.

You pulled your hand away from Akaashi’s to wipe the tears that spilled from his eyes. The ocean was bleeding and you hated it. You licked your lips and took a deep breath, hoping the tears that had gathered in your eyes wouldn’t fall.

“Keiji,” you whispered. “Look at me.”

Akaashi lifted his head and almost choked when he saw the love and adoration swirl in your eyes. Akaashi was afraid to look at you because he didn’t want to see satisfaction in your eyes. He didn’t want to see everything he was afraid of.

“I don’t deserve better, Keiji, you are the best. I’m greedy too, and I’m not going to leave you, ever. I love you, Keiji. I love you with everything I am and everything I hope to be. After all this time, I still love you.” You squeezed Akaashi’s hands. “Keiji, It’s always been you. I’ve only ever wanted you, I love you with your anxiousness and I love you with all your messes. I love you today, and I’ll love you tomorrow, and I’ll love you forever. There’s nothing you could ever say to me that would make me stop.”

Tears fell freely down Akaashi’s face. He had never been told that he was loved this much. If you hadn’t been staring into his eyes the whole time and clutching his hands like you would collapse if you didn’t hold them, Akaashi would have never believed you. Your words were burned onto his heart, but Akaashi still felt like he didn’t deserve them.

“What if I said,” Akaashi paused. “What if I said I hated you? Would you love me then?”

“Do you, Keiji?” You smiled at him. “Hate me, I mean.”

Akaashi stared at you with vulnerable eyes. “No,” Akaashi let out a small disbelieving laugh. “I don’t hate you. I can’t hate you, y/n. Not when you hold my heart.”

You brought Akaashi’s hands to your lips and laid a soft kiss on his fingers. “You hold my heart too, Keiji. You’ve held my heart since the first day we met.” You pressed your lips against his hands again and then looked up, your eyes meeting his. “You are enough for me, Keiji. You’re more than enough for me.”

Akaashi bit his lips to stop the sob that he knew was coming. Akaashi wasn’t surprised you knew the insecurities that plagued him. Akaashi didn’t know how to react to your words because the way you looked up at him, with your eyes shining, made him want to believe your words. You looked at Akaashi like he had hung all the stars in the sky and Akaashi wanted to cry.

“Keiji, it’s okay to doubt yourself. It’s okay to be insecure, but Keiji,” you squeezed Akaashi’s hands and pushed yourself up so you were now on your knees and almost at eye level with him. “Don’t ever doubt me. Because no matter how much I say I love you, I always love you more than that.”

You captured Akaashi’s sob with your lips, having pressed your lips gently against his as he cried.

You tried pulling away, but Akaashi’s hands cupped your face and kept you in place. The kiss was soft, just two lover’s lips pressed together, but it was what Akaashi needed.

When Akaashi pulled away, you grabbed the glass of water and handed it to Akaashi.

The writer let out a dry laugh but you didn’t miss the small smile and the way his eyes shined.

taglist: @h-grangerstudies @elektrosonix @snoozless @iwasumi @ackerpotato @asterroidd @rinrinniesstuff @bokuatsubro @literaleftist @howcanyoubreathewithnozaire @multi-fandom-fanfic @addicedtoeverythinganime @felixsamour @uglystupidbxtch @qualitygiantshoepsychic @megumeee @oracleofdin @aghashiii

#haikyuu #haikyuu!!#haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu angst #haikyuu akaashi #keiji akaashi #akaashi x reader #akaashi fluff #akaashi x y/n #hq!!#hq akaashi #akaashi imagine #akaashi oneshot #hq prompts #hana.writes!

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clearlyshyobservation · 4 years ago

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Kokichi is dying (V3 chatfic, no particular ship)

TW: Infers abuse, talks about ableism, neglect, panic attack pretty much, depression, self loathing. never being good enough

i am so sorry but vr au's need to be sad, love yall :)

(Background info: This is set in a vr au, they are not with their fake memory parents (Ie; kaito's kind grandparents) but rather why they really have)

(Also i have no fucking clue what ship i was going for???? pretty sure they are all on the table, and kokichi talks like an idiot in this and i love it. Gonta's writing is based off of his Japanese talking style, so no more caveman talking).

USERNAMES:

(Space monkey: Kaito, Detective pikachu: shuichi, Elton john: kaede, Antman: gonta, Mr. Gonstealyoman: korekiyo, Atua's bitch: angie, emoboi: ryoma, be-boop: kiibo, bread roll: Maki, cum dumpster: miu, mommy: kirumi, Gremlin: Kokichi)

TLDR: Chaos ensues, slight angst

Gremlin: omfg im fucking sicK im gonna fucking die i bet this was kaitos bitch ass fault for coughing on me with his tuberculosis headass gROSSSSS I HATE EVERYTHINGGG

Space Monkey: i-

Space monkey: I didn't get you sick dumbass,,,, my tb is fugckin cured bi-

Bread roll: he's dramatic and gross dont believe him

Gremlin: yall mean for what?

Gremlin: i have a life taking disease and yall laughing i-

Gremlin: see you at my funeral bitch

Detective pikachu: What are you sick with then

Gremlin: anythong bitch, im the universe

Antman: He sounds delusional, thats not good

Detective pikachu: He's always delusional, he's Kokichi

Mr. gonstealyoman: I guess this name is better than my old one

Mr. gonstealyoman: thank you kokichi :) I am glad we have come to an understanding

Gremlin: kay sexy

Gremlin: IGNRE WHAT I JUST SENT

Gremlin: IGNORE IT IGNORE IT IGNORE ITTTTT

Antman: who was that for???

Gremlin: NO ONE,,,

Gremlin: Okay,,, maybe sexy tall men in general lowkey

Gremlin: okay,,,, maybe anyone over 6 feet

Detective pikachu: i feel excluded

Detective pikachu: good, i don't like you kokichi, your an ass

Gremlin: u sound jelly shumaiiiiii

be-boop: perhaps he is telling the truth, you know,

be-boop: according to my data, in chapter four Shuichi stated that you will never have friends, and no one will ever like you

Gremlin: SHUT THE FUCK UP STOP MAKING ME FEEL BADBSKVKHDVKDSKJV

Antman: do you need me to come over? I can make you tea?

mommy: Do you know how to do that, Gonta? I can teach you?

Antman: Gonta does know, thank you very much.

Antman: Gonta is not a child, Tojo-chan, please don't regard me as one

Antman: Gonta can cook, can clean, can be gentle, and has his own mind

Space monkey: but we're just making sure man, cuz, you know,,,, chapter 4

Antman: I am capable of things just like you!!!!!

Antman: Gonta doesn't know why you guys treat me like a child :(

Gremlin: yeah, hot stuff over there is basically a prodigy homies

Antman: Gonta is dumb though, don't say that.

Antman: Gonta is no prodigy, in fact, he is below average in everything

Gremlin: Whats ur test scores bitch

Antman: Gonta got a 98 on my english test,, but i wanted a 100, which would make Gonta actually smart :(

Antman: Gonta is not good enough to be friends with you all

Antman: I can do basic stuff like tojo said...

Antman: maybe i do need help?

Antman: im not sure anymore:((((

Gremlin: THEY ARE ABLEIST GONTA,,, THEY FEEL SUPERIOR FOR TREATING UUUUU LIKE A CHILD

Detective pikachu: You sound really delusional Kokichi, maybe you should get sleep

Gremlin: S T F U, IM SPITTING ST8 FACTS BITCH

Detective pikachu: Sure you are. Now get some rest.

Gremlin: GRRRR WHY WONT YOU LISTEN TO ME YOU IDIOTS??

Bread roll: Cause your stupid and aggressive

Gremlin: your personality, basically?

Bread roll: shut up at least i have a boyfriend

Gremlin: Technically, you just stole my frienemy

Gremlin: Yall do be avoiding each other doe

Space Monkey: WE ARE NOT

Gremlin: Yeah yeah

Gremlin: yesterday i saw you to enter the same cafe by accident, duck your heads, then sit across the cafe from each other, all while avoiding eye contact

Gremlin: Soooo,,, things not going well in paradise?

Detective pikachu: you're nosy

Gremlin: says the literal detective

Space monkey: everythings fine your just a dickkkk

Gremlin: "oooo! Im momo-chan, i say bad word and go brrrrr"

Space monkey: im going to fucking stab him

Gremlin: You cant, ive already enslaved you with my chaotic, yet cute hijinks, havent i~

Space monkey: STOP STOP NO NOT THE SQUIGLY

Gremlin: is it the sex? WHY DONT YOU MAKE EYE CNOTACT WITH UR LADY NO MORE

Space monkey: ITS NOT THE SEX I HATE YOU

Gremlin: im free by the way at 8 ;)

Bread roll: STOP trying to steal my boyfriend kokichi, ive told you this before

Bread roll: NO

Bread roll: BODY

Antman: Gonta interrupts to say, Gonta loves you kokichi, and we should get flowers together, than maybe we can prank some people :D

Bread roll: Ive never wanted to stab you more, gonta

Gremlin: I'd enjoy that very much, fine fellow ;)

Gremlin: but idk,,,, can you like take care of me first, cuz IM SICK BECAUSE OF KAITO TUBERCULOSIS ASS

Space monkey: I DONT HAVE TB ANYMORE

Gremlin: SURE YOU DONT

Space monkey: I DONT

Gremlin: BUT GUESS WHAT

Gremlin: YOU STILL SMOKE DUMBASS AND THATS NOT GOOD FOR U OR YOUR TUBERCULOSIS

Detective pikachu: He smokes?

Atua's bitch: he does, i walked in on him in the bathroom lmao

Atua's bitch: he was scared shitless and threw it out the window, needless to say atua does nt approve

Gremlin: DO YOU EVEN HAVE THE VACCINE????

Space monkey: Uh,,, i was taught vaccines were bad, so no i don't have the vaccine

Gremlin: I HATE OLD PEOPLE

Gremlin: ABOLISH OLD PEOPLEEEE

Gremlin: THEY SPREAD MISINFORMATION AND IT PHISCALLY HURTS ME TO SEEEEEE

Space monkey: your dramatic, it cant be that bad

Gremlin: say that when you catch it again

Gremlin: i swear you coughed on me like,,,, 5 weeks ago tho

Antman: OOOO! Fun fact: Tuberculosis can lay dormant from 3 months to a few years!

Space monkey: u guys are just trying to scare me

Bread roll: Just checked the chat after using the br and,,m YOUDONT HAVE YOU VACCINES???

Detective pikachu: Im sorry, but kaito, please,,,,, for the love of god get vaccines

Space monkey: alright alright, ill do it cuz you guys are all on my case and i don't like being the villain :(

Gremlin: Im so happy i have gonta with me rn, he is making me tea while yall rot in your distant ass relationship (THIS IS FOR YOU KAITO)

Space monkey: Im going to destroy your bloodline in about three seconds if you dont stfu right fucking now

Gremlin: Hhehe i have an inaprwopwiate joke uwu

emoboi: STOP PLEASE DEAR GOD

cum dumpster: wHAt Is iT YOU WHORE

Gremlin: i was gonna say wouldn't he need to like,,,, have sex with my family to weed out my bloodline or something??

cum dumpster: i-

cum dumpster: Why am i acting surprised, ive watched porn with more extravagant plots than this

cum dumpster: ie; are you guys FUCKING? RIGHT INFRONT OF MY SALAD??? is one i will cherish with my soul

emoboi: hehe why did she point out the salad

Space monkey: I hate u kokichi, i truly do

Gremlin: I bet if you got the chance u would kiss me space boy :P

Bread roll has left the chat

Space monkey: o god is she ddoing one of those bf loyalty tests or smthing???

Space monkey: now im nervous lmao

Gremlin: why you so nervous stupid~~~~

Gremlin: It not like ur cheating on her homie

Space monkey: It's just a placebo effect

Gremlin: My brain feels fried Momo-chan,, i don't understand big boy words right now

Space monkey: Basically, if you take a pill that doesn't do anything but you don't know that and believe it does, you will scientifically start to feel better

Gremlin: first and only time saying this, but thank you

Space monkey: HEHEHEB YOU SAID THANK YOU YOU SAID THANK YOUYOU SAID THANK YOUYOU SAID THANK YOUYOU SAID THANK YOU

Gremlin: Kaito,,, imma need you to do me a favor and look up on your ceiling

Space monkey: i hate you, idk what it is, but i hte you

Gremlin: good <3

Space monkey: HE REPLACED ALL MY THE STARS ON MY CELING WITH FUCKIBG DICKSSS

Space monkey: THIS IS THE LST FUCKING STRAW IM GONNA LOSE IT

Space monkey: IF MY GRANDPARENTS SEE THIS BULLSHIT THEY ARE GOING TO KILL ME, SLAP ME, MAYBE BREAK MY NECK AND DESTROY MEE

Space monkey: Im GENUINLEY panicing HOW TF am i gona get this off my wal???? They are going to bbat me senselpess help me shUichi

Detective pikachu: o god, i can sense the sheer pain and scaredness in that tet,

Detective pikachu: are you for real gong to get hurt or are you pulling a kokichi?

Space monkey: FUCKING HELP ME IM NOT FUCKING JOKINGKABKCB HELP THEY ARE NOT HOME RN THEY ARE LIKEE,,,, 40 MINUTES AWAY PLEASEE

Gremlin: okay,,, maybe this wasn't the best prank.,,, i guess i'll help clean up cuz im not that much of a sociopath

Gremlin: tbh my parents can go shove it too lowkey terrible 0/10

Space monkey: AHHHH IM SO SCARED PLS PSL GET HERE FAST

be-boop: Of course, i will come, i will survey the outside of the house

Antman: Gonta is coming too! We will get this done in under 40 minutes!

Space monkey: OKAY

Gremlin: Lowkey, if i cough on you ignore it bitch your the one who made me like this

Space monkey: W HA TDONT COUGH ON ME IM NOT SICK ANYMORE

Gremlin: I will give you TB again just cuz your making me suffer

Space monkey: Suffer what??? putting dicks on my FUCKING WALL???

Gremlin: Guilt, idiot, im feeling guilty.

cum dumpster: oof thats new

emoboi: yeah i wasn't expecting it

Mr.gonstealyoman: Me neither. It is rather peculiar seeing it being texted by him because he is always feels not guilty of his bad actions.

be-boop: I do believe he means it, though...

emoboi: impossible.

cum dumpster: i agree, literally impossible.

Gremlin: I HAVE A FUCKIBG SOUL YOU CRazY CONSPIRACISTS

Antman: Quick question, shuichi can i stay with you again? It'll be dark when i get home and gonta can't do that so,,, please help

Detective pikachu: my parents are like blank slates, who eat slowly, watch tv slowly, and never look at me. Im sure they wouldn't mind :P

Antman: ALRIGHT! :D LETS GET MISSION: MR. MOMOTA ROOM REPAIR DONE!

Gremlin: ooo! I like the name! IM INNNN!

Detective pikachu: On it!

be-boop: Ready for look out!

Space monkey: I love you guys :)

AN: Im lowkey sorry i ended this chaotic mess with angst,,,, but like fr i love it i love angst,, i hate reading it but love writing it

#kokichiouma #oumota #Ougoku #chat fic #kaito momota #kiibo #miu iruma #gonta gokuhara #ryoma #angie #shuichi saihara #vr au #kirumi #maki harukawa #korekiyo #danganronpav3 #danganronpa #grossness

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mollymawkwrites · 3 years ago

Note

I just read (and reread sgdfhjlkl) your prison fic for watb and I'm having. Feelings. Primarily about cultivating vulnerability and tenderness in an oppressive and toxic environment which 😭

This AU is giving me so many questions tho. Presuming they continue building a relationship (which of course I'm going to presume) how will it progress? What kind of psychological toll will it take on them to keep up the performance, on Geralt particularly? I imagine it being painful for him to have to be so cold and forceful with Jaskier, especially as they grow closer, but does the greater objective of protecting him make it bearable? I feel like Jaskier would be more able to compartmentalize it, but could it get to be too much for him as well? What happens if it gets to a point where Geralt can't hide his affection for Jaskier, will that be used against them - not only by fellow inmates but by the guards? The wrath of the system is what's getting to me the most. Will Jaskier keeping Geralt "under control" as it were (meaning not tearing through new cellmates on a regular basis) be enough to maintain the status quo or will the guards find it more entertaining to play with them? Splitting them up, putting Jaskier with other more violent inmates or just torturing him themselves to torment Geralt? Will it get to the point where Geralt just tears the entire prison down and they run away to live out their days on the lam, maybe settle down on a lovely little coast in Mexico? (we can only hope) Also, what are they in for in the first place? Will Jaskier get out before Geralt? If Geralt's been routinely assaulting (or murdering??) other inmates is he EVER getting out? What will Jaskier do?

The whole situation has me thinking about the (woefully short) story of Butch and Wesley from the documentary "The Fear of 13" (which is very good, highly recommend and I think it's available on kanopy rn) where they were lovers on the outside and when Butch was arrested Wesley intentionally committed crimes so they could be together. Eventually they got separated and one of them was going to be moved to a different prison so that last night they sang to each other from across the cell block and the (usually tyrannical) guards let them have their goodbye. It's so soft yet tragic and I have so many feelings and I wish we knew what happened to them.

I'm sorry this is such a massively long ask, I've literally been thinking about this all evening and had to make some kind of comment 😅 your writing is lovely and I will definitely be reading more of it! (so maybe I'll be assaulting your inbox again soon dfghjjkl)

Gods Anon, I had such trouble keeping plot from sneaking into this fic, and you are not helping! I've been thinking about it all day long because of you!

I think Geralt would suffer greatly, both from his own self-loathing at "forcing" Jaskier to do things he couldn't possibly want to do with a monster like him 🙄 and from the opinion everyone else around them has of him. Jaskier would try to make him understand that he is very much willing, but Geralt's skull is thick and that would take some time for them to even be able to admit to themselves that they are in a relationship together. Of course having to keep up the act of the White Wolf and its pretty young prey would blur the lines in their relationship: what is an act and what is real? They both enjoy the roughness and the name-calling and the role play more than just for show. I think Jaskier too feels guilty about forcing sweet Geralt into it. Lots of guilt on both sides and no way to deal with it healthily in this violent, toxic environment.

I can see them managing to create a little bubble of happiness together though, despite the guards expecting Jaskier to keep Geralt on a leash and the inmates constantly poking at them to see if something gives. Once they get to talk and explain that they both very much want to be with each other outside of their farce, that, would the circumstances have been different, they would have asked the other on dates and had a sweet first kiss and maybe a house and a dog (not me crying about my own AU), they find a balance and a way to keep other people's venom from chipping at their love. Maybe they find allies too, jail can't be filled only with enemies after all...

As for why they are in jail for in the first place, I have to admit I hadn't settled on an explanation as I was writing it. I think Geralt has been set up by someone, probably Stregobor, because of an event similar to what happened in Blaviken? So while his "crimes" are not as bad as anything Jaskier might be imagining (and oh, imagine the angst potential of Jaskier torturing himself over what the man he is falling in love with could possibly have done to have end up in jail), he still sees himself as a monster who made the wrong choices and is not deserving of Jaskier's love.

For Jaskier, I'm not so sure, to be honest. What do you think he could be in for?

Although I am a sucker for angst, I couldn't survive a bad ending, but I don't have a clue on what could happen to them. They could escape, helped maybe by Eskel and Lambert on the outside, or some of Jaskier's shadiest friends; or Jaskier could find a way to have Geralt pardoned, and Stregobor in jail/killed at the same time, because that's what the fucker deserves.

I haven't heard of that story you talked about, but I'll make sure to check the documentary, it sounds very beautiful and heartbreaking. As I was writing the fic, I remembered that movie with Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor, I Love You Phillip Morris, that I used to love as a kid. I might watch it again, for... Inspiration ;)

Thank you so much for your ask, and please, don't hesitate to assault my inbox again, it made my day! (Though I might have to add another WIP to the list now.... sigh)

#ask answer #long post #penguinlegs #fic writing

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gayregis · 5 years ago

Text

angouleme can have little a avuncular guidance. as a treat ... heres some semblance of a compilation of regis being a guardian to angouleme, things i think about . both funnie and sad moments included i think

angouleme sneaks out at night to get into trouble / does other questionable things around the palace nocturnally, regis always catches her and it’s always on accident since they just have very similar time schedules. angouleme stares at him intensely in “oh fuck i just got caught” like O_O for a good 30 seconds EVERY time this happens but regis is just like :| and shrugs saying “i didn’t see anything, i’m a human, i can’t see at night or whatever” and walks off. also the next morning geralt always questions him as to what angouleme was doing, if he saw her when he was coming home, and regis always denies knowledge or says smth along the lines of “i’m not a narc, geralt :/”

angouleme yelling/losing her shit/saying wildly inappropriate things ... regis produces a ye olde granola bar from his bag and gives it to her and she quiets down immediately and is like :) content eating the granola bar. you can also substitute the granola bar with a bag of baby carrots.

similarly angouleme saying crazy shit and geralt telling her to be quiet and asking regis to recount this instead and regis says something incredibly similar/the exact same

that one time that milva was teaching angouleme to shoot and angouleme clear missed the target and got regis instead and actually for the first time was incredibly upset and regretful and guilty that she had inflicted pain and potentially death upon someone and was very worried and apologetic and ashamed ... but also when regis inevitably just plucks out the arrow and hands it back to her and says “oh i think this is yours” angouleme is like wait so he litcherally cant be killed... this is epic

basically angouleme who’s been abandoned having an immortal protector and mentor. peace

as i said in the tags of this post here: regis comes of as so peaceful as an individual that at first angouleme resents him a little, because she associates peace with arrogance... like, oh youre content with your life and dont hate yourself? so you think youre better than me? fucker. and she’s so used to asshole men being creeps in her life that this company still seems really bizarre in the regard that none of these men are dangerous. but then she learns about what ... who ... regis was in the past and she realizes that they’re similar, and then does the math and realizes that maybe one day she’ll also find this inner peace and can stop hating herself so much for the things she’s done and the things that have happened to her. angouleme not feeling as though she's so alone and such a fuckup that only she could ever get into such a mess like this... i feel like she has an unhealthy amount of survivor’s guilt, as in she blames herself for not dying while everyone else in her band did, and she also feels like what the world has given her she deserved because she was a fundamentally bad person from birth bc of her status, and that she will be stuck in this violent hellscape of a life forever and thats just how it is and she has to continue violence... but i think when she meets regis (and also milva) she realizes that violence does not need to be a cycle and change is possible.

also in the tags of that post: i think... regis developing more understanding/empathy and putting ethical philosophy into actual practice where it actually has stakes (haha haha haha stakes haha haha haha haha haha). i think in the hansa he learns what humanity actually means

also bc vampires just... do not parent, it’s not in their culture to, regis learning what guardianship actually means and growing into this position where he protects this child and begins to understand humanity on this deeper level of the feeling of protecting a child, because that’s very human, valuing and protecting the progenity for a new generation is incredibly human

also geralt arguing with regis that “humans don’t regrow their heads” so he can’t just be supporting her doing all sorts of dumb shit just bc he did it and he turned out alright... they kind of have to argue on how to parent i’m saying bc again vampire parenting is not much parenting at all. just let them go wild what’s the worst that could happen... they’ll learn sort of thing. so regis has to confront the idea of human fragility and mortality

i think regis also learns from angouleme in that it’s very easy to hate and loathe your past self and curse your past self, asking “what could i have possibly been thinking, what an idiotic thing to do...” when your past self was not actually devoid of any redeemable qualities and was actually just misguided and without hope... regis condemns his past self quite harshly but because he would never admonish angouleme in such a way i think he realizes that the self-loathing is excessive and unproductive and potentially harmful

i said this in a post already, but geralt is overflowing with fatherly vibes and milva is also stern so i think there is a lot of value in regis to angouleme , in that she can tell him practically anything and he won’t get on her case for it . she finds this kind of amnesty in him whereas with the other members of the hansa they’d freak and start asking her all these questions. regis is just like “hm ok” and maybe discusses a little but doesn’t give her shit for it. this allows angouleme to confide a lot of stuff that she wouldn’t normally feel safe to tell someone else, and also probably gets her out of a lot of trouble bc someone (a very powerful someone) will know where she is and what she’s doing... so if she gets into trouble, she has a lifeline

this also means she can tell him a lot of funnie stories that she doesn’t have to stop herself with because “was gonna say smth funny and then remembered it involved murder.” also regis has like a thousand stories too obviously so he counters her wild tales with smth even crazier and then they’ll try to compete for a bit like “well ONE TIME i...” but angouleme actually always wins and neither knows how she does

surgery lessons, or basically regis was sewing someone up and angouleme invaded the scene going “can i watch can i watch”

also alchemy lessons, which turns into basically “so that’s how you make fisstech... interesting”

i think also in these mentorships regis quizzes her lightly like “and what reactions does this species of plant produce in the human body...?” and angouleme says the right answer, “oh they drop dead” and regis is like “very good!” and angouleme kind of goes insane with happiness a little at being called ‘good’ / being praised by a parental figure for maybe like one of the first times in her life. similarly, i think regis would attest to angouleme’s character at the breakfast table in discussions, and say things like “well our angouleme is very smart” and she’d be like >:3!!!

as in canon, adopting each other’s speech mannerisms... not just regis adopting angouleme’s unique phrases, but i would also like to think abt angouleme saying smth pseudo-philosophical to throw someone off of her tracks... like “so, i owe you money... but what is the concept of debt and ownership, anyways? isn’t it all just a construct by society? by humanity?” and then she bolts and evades her creditors

regis trying to teach angouleme stuff and then being like “oh wait i forgot you can’t fly, hmm... ” “oh wait i forgot you can’t hypnotize people, hmm....... that complicates things...” ... jokes on regis though bc apparently angouleme can scale buildings and talk her way out of a lot of situations, so that’s almost as good as flight and hypnosis

im trying to not be sad rn but i think regis would be a very good person to cry on. like his cloak is very soft. and he smells like herbs. so there you go. but i think also angouleme having a breakdown would be cathartic for both of them because angouleme realizes that she’s being vulnerable around an adult and she isn’t afraid of them and regis realizes that he has a responsibility to not treat physical wounds, but rather to treat emotional ones and that’s infinitely more difficult

i think angouleme would have breakdowns to regis about: her family/her mother, geralt taking her into the hansa but she feels like he probably just sees her as a replacement daughter, i think also she gets into too much trouble one night and regis has to get her out of trouble and she kind of just breaks down because her life is crazy and has always been crazy and there’s no way out because this is all she has

i think angouleme also gets pretty upset at seeing children/teens with “perfect lives,” like she just gets crazy bitter about it... and there’s no shortage of nobility around the palace, so she’s constantly reminded of her background. i think regis’s not-being-a-human-isms and philosophy that stems from an immortal perspective that all humans are equal in life and death can help with this. but also he kind of has to learn that you can’t just talk about smth abt society or the past that is fucked up and solve it by having had said it... it will always remain an issue...

i also think that regis has his ravens scout around for angouleme’s lost pendant with a sea-cat on it, but when she gets it back she gets mad and says that she doesn’t want it because she doesn’t want to be reminded of her mother, regis is like “ok” but angouleme is still mad, she realizes she’s mad because she doesn;t think that regis realizes that he’s actually become more of a guardian to her than her biological mother was, and tries to provoke him but regis is unprovokable ofc so he’s like hm explain that and angouleme just spills her emotions

to bring this back to happy i think they could also prank geralt pretty hard. and or eavesdrop. plus there will be times like where angouleme is waiting by a door trying to listen in and straining and regis stands like 3 feet from the door and hears everything perfectly, just recites it all aloud and she’s like oh this is so much easier.

also once angouleme was eavesdropping on geralt and dandelion arguing and regis approached and was like “angouleme :/” and angouleme was like >:/ “get out of here i’m tryna eavesdrop” and regis was like “there’s a more professional way to do this” and disappears through the door, angouleme is like “showoff!” ... geralt smells sage and throws a moon dust bomb at him and regis coughs up silver shards for the rest of the day. also when angouleme hears the explosion she jumps in, so this was a failed attempt all around

#angouleme #regis #the witcher #sorry for longpost.........

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saiangelo999 · 5 years ago

Text

2020 T.V Show Tracker

T.V. Shows

The Witcher

Started 2019 finished 2020. Click here for my thoughts.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Completed - I really enjoyed the episode with Pimento, that episode was just hilarious. I think that was one of my favourite episodes this season.

Self Made

It was very a enjoyable mini-series. Sarah's story is so fascinating and inspirational precisely because of how many hardships she had to deal with throughout her life. I enjoyed the show and learning more about Madam CJ Walker.

Interior Design Masters

This was a really fun show. I didn’t agree with everything that the judges said, but I definitely had fun watching the contestants renovate commercial and residential places. My favourite episode was when they worked on the stores (not restaurants). I really loved those transformations.

The Big Flower Fight

It was such a fun show! I really enjoyed watching how the contestants used plants to create beautiful and interesting topiaries/sculptures. I loved most of the contestants and was always looking forward to their take on each challenge!

Space Force

It was a fun show! Enjoyed watching it with my sister. :)

Hannibal

Re-visiting this show from the one or two episodes I watched back when I was in grade 12 and one of my teachers was promoting this show because her friend was an extra in it. But, I really am intrigued by the concept, the way the show is filmed is just so gorgeous for such a gory show and the plot is very fascinating. Anytime Hannibal feeds anyone I get a bit antsy. But Will Graham is just such an interesting character. I have high expectations of the show!

Update: Finished s1 and LOVED it! As I was binging s2 I started to get nightmares and also the plot started to move forward at a snail’s pace (imo) so I will put this show on hold for now.

The Umbrella Academy s2

So I really enjoyed this season of Umbrella Academy because I got to see more of Five kicking ass as a teenager, the character growth of BOTH Diego and Luther, seeing the entire family getting closer to Vanya and the general action sequences of the show. I enjoyed the new characters as well - Lila and The Swedes. I admit my memory of season 1 of this show is somewhat vague, but I found that the ending of the season (its climax to be precise in episode 10) to be somewhat lackluster considering the build-up.

I really enjoyed was seeing Klaus, Allison and Vanya deal with their respective subplots and that scene in the barbershop with the three of them bonding really was a highlight of the season. Also when (spoiler alert) Ben finally ‘died’ and went to the afterlife that scene was so well executed and emotional and has got to be one of my favorite moments of the season. It was nice to see him helping Vanya out.

The Haunting of Bly Manor

I loved this show! I grew to love these characters so much! I loved Hannah and Owen’s relationship so much.

The Haunting of Hill House

So, I read the book first and wanted to see what the hype was all about. I really enjoyed the little easter eggs to the book in the show, and that ONE SCENE with the ‘Bent-Neck lady’ gave me a nightmare... It was good, definitely an interesting take on the story.

Anime

The Disastrous Life of Saiki: Reawakened

I love how the show constantly shows us that Saiki will tolerate anyone for the sweet sweet coffee jelly. I need more of this show!! Please give me more episodes @Netflix.

Haikyuu!

I love it. I understand the hype now. I really enjoy how they show the lives of all the people in the show, the ‘extras’ on the team, the opponents and give us a glimpse into their lives and their stories. I finished season two and am looking forward to more! It’s honestly so hard to be rooting for just one person in this show and I love that. Finished 2 seasons so far. Will get back into it eventually. I’m honestly jealous that I can’t play volleyball rn.

Mob Psycho 100

This will probably take me a while to finish as I am planning to read it before watching it. It’s so so lovable. I love Mob and I would do anything to protect him. Also I really like Regen’s protectiveness and genuineness towards Shigeo. It’s just a great manga/anime. Finished season one. It is so addicting! I love Mob and Reigen so much! <3

Update: finished season two. Man watching this show makes my heart grow 5 x as big every time I watch it! It’s just so endearing, fun, comedic. I love how season two really just show’s Shigeo’s growth throughout the season. His speech to Shirazawa at the last episode and how it came full circle - loved it! I also was surprised by the red headed son (Ryu?) in the best way. I hope we see more of him in the next season. Can’t wait for more!

Fruits Basket season 2

Can’t wait for more crying. 🙃 I am really looking forward to seeing Yuki’s character development and his relationship with Machi and Kakeru developing. Also looking forward to seeing Momiji growing and more moments between Kyo and Tohru.

Update: Love seeing Yuki’s arc in the anime format. Seeing him reach out to his brother, Hatsuharu and the student council peeps and grow is so rewarding to watch. Looking forward to more and more Kyorhu. One wish is that, I wish with this season we could see Momiiji change physically a bit more but I’m holding onto hope for that near the end of the season.

March Comes in like a Lion/ 3-gatsu no Lion

It’s not my usual type of anime to watch as it is so slice-of-life, but in a weird way it really reminds me of My Roommate is a Cat except after I watch it I want to play chess or learn shogi. Of course, Rei has depression and a lot of issues he needs to work with, but the sisters are just so sweet and the moments that they show up to take care of him are so heartwarming. I love his self-proclaimed ‘best’ friend and rival - Nikaidou. I just really love how he’s drawn, his personality and when he shows up in the show it definitely perks me up. I really enjoy seeing him develop as a character and as a person. I am somewhat sympathetic to the plight of his foster sister but where I am in the show (finished s1) I absolutely loathe her. I really like seeing how many people are around Rei and watching him tackle life and grow. Looking forward to watching s2!

The animation is very interesting. One thing that I am not sure if it is deliberate or not is how the characters’ facial expressions (mostly the way the mouth is in close-ups) are drawn to me seems very ambiguous to me - I can’t quite understand what emotion is being conveyed.

Update: Started s2 and man the bullying storyline with Hina is so sad.

Teasing Master Takagi-san

DNF. Just started it randomly. It’s very cute.

The Great Pretender

I started it cuz it was short and seemed like fun. It has darker undertones than I expected going into it. On the Singapore storyline.

Wotaku

This was very short and binge-able. I liked it, it’s fun for what it is.

Dramas

Never Twice

So idk if I’ll actually keep up with this as it is a guilty pleasure atm. I just started it because I liked some of the tropes that the show had (found family, sweet male lead, baby being doted on etc.). I am enjoying the gifs of the show. The plot is very... boring and I do recognize that for the most part the female characters don’t have much intrinsic motivation or identity outside male characters...

05.2020 Update: DNF.

Crash Landing on You

I am really enjoying it so far. I really like that both the female leads are just very powerful and interesting on their own. Really like how the found family trope is being used. The romance is cute (a bit much at times imo). I still can’t get over how Captain Ri heard her suicide tape and just went ‘oh we are fated to be together’. That was... an interesting interpretation of the tape...

Also the whole thing with her being in N. Korea is hilarious and really the drama asks the viewer to really suspend disbelief to enjoy the show but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Update: Completed. Enjoyed it overall. Wasn’t the best drama I’ve ever seen but REALLY loved the female leads in the show. Seo Dan and her family are just SO adorable. Can’t believe Gu Suengjoon was killed just as his relationship with Dan became so cute. One qualm is that this show does the whole near death thing WAY too many times with the main couple for my taste.

365: Repeat the Year

Interesting premise and it has Nam Jihyun who I love. Looking forward to more and hoping it will keep my attention. I can’t believe that by episode 10 that the serial killer was revealed. I mean, I’m still invested in the show but that definitely caught me off-guard.

Finished it! I am really glad that they reduced the total amount of episodes because I felt that the ending was well done - not too rushed, not too out there (for the show). It was a very good ending for the show! I recommend it to anyone interested in a sci-fi/thriller. Overall, it was a fun time! Very engaging and would appeal to anyone interested in thrillers. I do have ONE gripe about the show which is a spoiler but it did not prevent me from enjoying the show.

Love with Flaws/ People with Flaws

Finished! I started it cuz of a random compilation I saw on Youtube with the show and the gifs of it here and there and it’s decent overall. I would say that out of the many kdramas I’ve seen in this genre, it does stand slightly apart from the rest because of how each character is portrayed. I feel like there were no overt archetypes for the characters and I especially liked how they portrayed characters relationships. I liked how the siblings’ relationships were portrayed, and I really ended up loving the female lead’s eldest brother. He’s just so sweet and kind and I love how he does his best to take care of their entire family. It was definitely sad to see at points knowing that Cha In Ha committed suicide, but his character in the show was just so well done and important! Also his boyfriend is literally so pure I love him. As usual Seulgi just makes me go 😍😍.

Nobody Knows 2020

It’s really good - very dark and bizarre. The shady foundation’s motivations are a mystery to me, but that hotel owner is a very interesting character. I will get back to it when I can handle more pain.

Update few months later: The twists and the turns though. Wow. I love all the children and how (so far) they are all portrayed as victims of circumstance. They are so sweet and I appreciate how Eun Ho, Dong Ryong and Min Sung’s relationships progress throughout the show. I’m also enjoying the character development of Sun Woo (the teacher/heir to the foundation). It’s also nice to see Cha Young-Jin begin to slowly open up. I’m enjoying the show a lot so far and am very intrigued by Baek Sang Ho’s group.

Final update: FINISHED it! Really loved this drama a lot. I love how all the characters are written so lovingly with so much depth to them. I liked the way the plot unraveled, I liked how all the relationships developed in the story, I loved the way forgiveness and morality were discussed. It was a really good drama and I am missing it already!

Chicago Typewriter

A re-watch. Man I love this drama. The three leads and their relationship is just adorable.

I hope that in Shin Yul’s world/afterlife or whatever they can be happy together. <3

Oh My Baby

I started this out because I was extremely bored and saw a few gifs of the show. It seems promising. Don’t have super high expectations of the show tbh. I do like the main couple though! They are adorable, nervously awaiting how it will conclude.

Update: Skipped a couple of episodes (4?) and went to the end. It ended up alright, very open ending and somewhat realistic. I’m glad the main characters were able to put their relationship above their disappointment in being infertile.

Strangers from Hell/ Hell is Other People

I really enjoyed it!! - If I were to recommend it to anyone I would recommend they go into it as blind as possible to enjoy it to the fullest.

So... I had no clue that this show was ONLY 10 episodes long, so imagine my surprise as the events that have been put to play begin to climax, I checked and was surprised that it wasn’t a 16 episode drama. Anyways, this drama had superb writing, directing, acting and fight scene choreography. Everything came together to really make this show have such a dark, creepy atmosphere that intensified as the episodes went on. I loved how the show portrayed how Yoon Joon Yoo/O’s mentality was tested to the breaking point. Tbh I thought he was slow in the beginning of the show (episode 1-2), but turned out that he did far better than his counterparts. I think that one thing that was a shame was they didn’t really show the strength of his relationship w his girlfriend too much before, and had they had more screen time as a couple I would have been even more invested in the story.

Mystic Pop-up Bar

Loved it! This was a really enjoyable show. The pacing was good, the story was interesting and I liked watching the characters relationships develop. It was heartwarming and a fun watch! I enjoyed the focus on various people’s stories showcasing all sorts of relationships.

It’s Okay Not to be Okay/ Psycho But It’s Okay

Put it on hold for now - watched up until episode 10-12ish.

Flower of Evil

The best kdrama of 2020 so far? Possibly. Love how it mixes being a thriller with the marital relationship aspect. One potential con is that it seems that the mystery aspect of the show for now seems fairly obvious but how the situations will be handled keeps me on the edge of my seat!! Also I totally did not expect such a strong marriage to be shown in a thriller drama! Also the way that Cha Ji Won is written is just chef’s kiss. I love how complex she is, how intelligent, kind, caring and so so good at putting things together. I love Hyun So’s family and I hope it ends with them staying together.

Update: Finished it! Not sure how I feel about the very last episode... but I can say I’m glad that Do Hae Su got some crumbs in terms of character development by the end. So glad she didn’t end up with Moo Jin and started a new life abroad. The amnesia plot was unnecessary imo, I would have rather seen more cute scenes of them together than angst in the last episode. But, it was interesting to see how the trial was revealed, and the Baek’s got way better than they deserved which is unfortunately realistic.

Lie after Lie

Plot sounded way more interesting in the synopsis vs the execution. Mediocre plot which I thought was easy to see through.

Eighteen Again

sort of dnf? I made it to epi 14 or so and just finished it in my head and through gifs. It had so much potential which I think it squandered... but there were some genuinely heart warming scenes from the show which I really enjoyed. (Siwoo and his dad bonding, all the scenes showing the mc as the nicest dude).

I don’t want to be friends with you

I really enjoyed the show. I liked how it portrayed the mother-daughter relationship, the differences in how they were raised and how Li Jing Bu was able to get the love she so craved through her dream?/journey. I liked how the romance was handled, how she gained such meaningful relationships during the show and how important it was to her that her mom was happy.

The Good Detective (2020)

I really enjoyed this show! It was really cool to see a show that critiques the corrupt systems they have in place and the unexpected consequences that it can have on people. I liked how it touched on themes of guilt, remorse, forgiveness and resilience. Also, it was interesting to see a guy who has all the money in the world choose to be a workaholic detective.

Part 2

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mooleche · 6 years ago

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Hiii I'm recovering from 3 days of antidepressant withdrawals, so can I have that whole "not nice OC asks" list for Nina? Yeah, the whole damn thing.

Dad holy fuck, sending you them BIG HUGS rn. I hope you feel better soon!

WHOLE DAMN THING HERE WE GO

1. What is one word to shut them up?

‘Enough'It's a very basic word but Nina knows that when it's used it's time to stop whatever she's doing that's causing someone to have to say it, mostly because her parents only ever used it on her when she was getting too rough with her sparring partners or when she was pushing herself too hard. It’s kind of a ‘snap back to reality’ trigger for her.

2. What is the thing they feel the most guilty about?

Giving up on her dream of becoming a real hero. Since she was born a mutant and grew up seeing Captain America and various other heroes fighting crime she wanted to use her powers for good to fight crime like them, so that's what she worked towards for like, a HUGE chunk of her life. So to have her health suddenly take a dive and then eventually get too hurt to keep up with her old antics crushed her spirit for a long time.

3. What is the worst pain they’ve ever experienced?

OH BOY. This would probably be when she was experimented on by Essex Corp. in her mid-teens. She was often punished for protecting the other children that were being experimented on and took on the brunt of what they dished out there, eventually leading to them going as far as removing her secondary mutation as a way to discipline her into submission. She was eventually rescued of course, and was able to repress these memories, but the amount of stress that was put on her body made it so that she could never fully fight crime again.

4. Describe their worst nightmare.

Having a child/seeing a child die. She's not SUPER into kids because of her lifestyle and taking care of Venom is already like caring for one, but she's got a mighty soft spot for them. This unfortunately changes after having a dream simulation of her future family used against her in a mission gone wrong, so she's terrified of putting a child in that type of scenario in the real world, instead putting her care into the children of the X-Mansion.

5. List 3 fears; one “surface level” fear, one “repressed” fear, and one “deep dark” fear.

Surface level - Dying. That's pretty much everyone's fear but Nina's faced it a few times too many not to worry that it could be around the corner at any second so she (stubbornly) lives her life to the fullest with Venom while she's able to repress it.Repressed - Needles. She doesn't remember why or how this fear came about (due to her memories of her terrible experience at Essex being shut away) but the sight of them makes her sick to her stomach.Deep dark - Losing control. Due to her symbiotic relationship with Venom and seeing how unhinged he can be in the wrong hands it's a deep dark fear of Ninas that one day she'll lose control of herself and Venom will completely take over. Despite all the reassurance that he gives that he won't do that she still is unable to shake the feeling that it will some day happen

.6. What is something that never fails to make them feel sick?

Large amounts of gore. She can stomach it more after being around Wade long enough, but the sight of too much blood/mutilation often leaves her sick to her stomach.

7. What feature (physical or otherwise) do they hate most about themselves?

Her body, but only because it can't handle much before it shuts down under stressful conditions. Also one large scar on her right side she has as a reminder of her last solo vigilante mission that ended poorly; a reminder that she had to give up what she loved most.

8. Do they have anything that triggers them?

The mention of Essex Corp always seems to trigger a deep-rooted feeling of fear in her that she can never piece together why until later in her life.

9. What is their greatest physical weakness?

Her body dsgkslgs. Due to all the experiments and stress put on her body she can't do much without overexerting herself. Bloody noses are always her red flag that she's overdoing it and needs to tap out.

10. What is their greatest mental weakness?

She's stubborn as hell and tends to keep things to herself for the sake of not stressing others out, which in turn ends up stressing everyone out even more.

11. Do they have any vices?

Despite getting nauseous around gore she's got a pretty big bloodlust. She loves fighting and will sometimes stray off the heroic path because of it.

12. Have they ever done something illegal? What was it?

She's killed a man before, which kind of births her bloodlust mentioned earlier and realizing that some people can only stop doing wrong if they're buried 6 feet underground.

She’s also erased a lot of students debts using her ink powers. Not all heroes wear capes ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

13. Which of the 7 Deadly Sins best describes them?

Definitely Wrath. You wouldn't suspect with how she acts normally (clumsy, easy-going, ect.) but she's very into the idea of torturing someone if it means getting the answers she wants or getting revenge by any means necessary.

Also probably Sloth, just because for her early 20's she spends a lot of her life in a bit of a depressed funk after everything that happens to her, but also a bitch loves naps.

14. Are they prone to outbursts (of violence, extreme emotion… exc… )?

Sometimes. Usually only if she or the people around her are being threatened will she get violent or start making threats. Or if she sees Scott Summers.

15. Who do they hate the most?

Scott Summers ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿Just kidding (kind of). She loathes villains that think they can get away with their crimes, or who are uncaring of the destruction they cause the rest of the world for their gain. Harassers and abusers are a close second but the ultimate bane of her existence is the scientist that tortured her when she was younger.

16. Is there anyone who makes them feel inferior?

Colossus. Which isn't intentional on his part, and she knows this, but he is such a momma hen to her most of the time that she feels like he doesn't think she's strong enough to hold her own on missions.

17. What sound always gives them a headache?

Anything that's TOO loud or high a frequency. Due to Venoms weakness to higher pitches of sound she has to be careful with some of the things she listens to or where she goes.

18. Is there a certain flavor that disgusts them?

Anything TOO sweet, which is a toss-up for her as Venom LOVES chocolate gsdkgds

19. Do they consider themselves ugly?

Not ugly, but she definitely feels she's serving a 'gross college student with no control of their life' look.

20. Do they consider themselves unloveable?Not really. She's fully aware she's lovable, but there are moments she's had where she's felt she couldn't be loved because she's a mutant.But then her parents burst through her door and give her a good fucking pep talk.

21. What is something that causes them great anxiety?

Losing control of herself or messing up a mission she's on.

22. Do they have any mental illnesses?

She suffers from PTSD, Depression and Anxiety.

23. Have they ever been assaulted/abused/raped?

She was abused severely back at Essex Corp, which she has managed to block out completely, and has gotten her fair share of fights in while acting as a vigilante.

24. Do they fear the possibility of being assaulted/abused/raped?

Somewhat. She knows it's all definitely a possibility, especially in her line of work, but having Venom with her makes her feel better about wandering the streets at night most of the time.

25. Have they ever been betrayed by someone they thought they could trust?

Yes. But it was under the guise that they thought what they were doing would help her in the long run when it ended up just slapping a band-aid on a dam.

26. Have they ever been seriously injured?

Boy has she! ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

27. How many times have they been in the hospital?

A handful of times in her teens, and then in her early 20s due to a lethal attack that almost left her for dead. After that she gains Venom and usually goes to Hank McCoy when needing medical services (no matter how many times he tells her he's not her personal hospital)

28. Is there a certain type of person that disgusts them?Racists, Anti-Mutant supporters, Rapists, take your pick. If they're doing bad things she most definitely does not like them.

29. Does what they cannot see scare them?A bit, yeah. She often will stay awake at night talking about it with Venom because he's technically old as shit, to which she'll sometimes wake Colossus up so he can give his 2 cents which is usually 'Go back to BED'.

30. Have they ever been bullied?When they were younger, yes. Being a mutant often makes you the Caesar of jokes, which she hated and resorted to eventually wearing half gloves as a result to cover her markings.

31. Do they have self-confidence or self-image issues?After losing her strength to fight she is often plagued with self-confidence issues, not feeling like anything is up to par with what she would like. Having a group of supportive friends and loved ones around her pulls her out of this hole eventually though.

32. Do they have a bad relationship with their parents?God no. Her parents are her heroes and while they aren't mutants themselves, have been with her 100% of the way to make sure she could live life as comfortably as possible.

33. Have they ever been in a relationship that didn’t work out so well?The majority of her relationships all ended on decent terms. She keeps in touch with them to keep the friendships going because they're all still cool folks.

34. Have they ever self harmed?No, she was always too nervous to go through with it.

35. If they could change one thing about themselves, what would it be?That her body return to normal. Or that she could gain her old mutation back.

36. Are they in control of their emotions, or are their emotions in control of them?Because she's the current host of Venom she's kind of forced to keep her emotions in check. That of course doesn't mean that she doesn't have a hiccup in the road every now and then but she does her best to keep them both centered.

37. Have they ever had their freedom taken away?Yes. A few times to her displeasure, but she's always managed to get it back and get her revenge for it.

38. Have they ever been imprisoned?slgjksgdl yes, she's even gone as far as getting herself tossed into the Ice Box intentionally for missions

39. Have they ever been accused of something they didn’t do?Later in her life, yes. She gets set up at least once in order to do someone else's dirty work, which she does not take to kindly.

40. Do they often blame themselves for other people’s problems?Sometimes, yes. But only if she wasn't able to help in the matter as expected.

41. Do they get sick often?Nah, despite being a walking enigma of health she surprisingly doesn't get sick.

42. Are they comfortable with where they are in life?She likes to think she is. At the start of her new chapter in life she's kind of drifting around in college and just trying to live as normal a life as she can despite wanting to do more but not wanting to overwhelm her body in the process.

43. Do they wish that they could change their pasts?Yes. There's large chunks of her past that she has no recollection of and wishes (though fears) that she could change or at least SEE them.

44. What’s one thing they wish they could do more often, but can’t?Protect her loved ones and/or spend more time with Colossus, since they're schedules are always so borked.

45. What is the emotion they most commonly experience?Exhaustion or Confusion sgkgls

46. Have they ever contemplated suicide?Unfortunately, yes. During her teen years after her experience she fought heavily with it due to not knowing what happened to herself in the gap of memory missing, just the emptiness that stayed with her.

47. Have they ever gone so far as to attempt suicide?No, while she considered it many a time she decided against it because her desire to figure out what happened overpowered the desire to die.

48. Is there anyone that they would willingly kill?Oh honey. Pick a name out of the hat, she's good to go LOL

49. If [name] was put into ______ situation, they’d rather die than live to see it through.This is WAY far off but in her story, but probably the reawakening of Knull. Since he's the god of symbiotes it would ultimately destroy her because it would mean Venom would be reverted to his original feral self and Knull would probably force her to watch as he takes over Earth, a situation she would attempt to thwart but would be more than welcome to die than see him reach his goal.

50. Create your own!Time to reveal a sad plot in Nina's story (since I don't know when I'll get to this hhh) -Nina and Colossus actually met each other when she was younger when the x-men came to her rescue at the Essex corp, but because of Charles Xavier doing his special MIND TRICKS she holds no recollection of ever meeting him or any of the conversations they held when she was recovering from the incident at the mansion. So they have this strange familiar feeling when they first meet but think it's just a possible attraction to one another and can't place why :')

#long post #oc shit #Nina Knight #master-sass-blast

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yiulee999 · 7 years ago

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opm time traveler au (spoilers)

genos goes back in time and tries to disguise himself and befriending sai as a bookworm lol and they become good friends until sai is fooling around and playfully steals genos’ glasses one day and the you know 💘 💘 💘 💘

what started out as a random doodle turned into a multi-chapter length fic draft out on discord!! *o*

the full convo/story is posted below bUT its heavy angst!! be warned!! sorry about the casual lingo, i was posting in chat format XD

so time traveler au picks up from when sai was getting picked on back in middle school chapter in the manga

and when genos goes back in time he thinks the only way he can get close to saitama if he was an ‘outcast’ too

so he purposefully nerdifies himself more? lOL how is possible,,,

Originally genos got sent back by dr. Genus as way to figure out the key to sai’s strength

Bc in the ‘future’ genos, they had just met and genos just wanted to know what made sai powerful

And initially when they meet genos is very forward about wanting to know all about saitama who finds it kinda creepy and stalkerish when he finds genos tailing him in the hallways and after school haha

And other classmates notice how the new kid (genos) follows/takes an interest in the class loser (sai) so predictably they start making fun of and bullying genos too

Genos, true to form, doesnt give a fuck xD

But sai has mixed feelings about it bc it was the first time someone took an actual interest in him and even though he’s so forward, genos never overstepped boundaries with him and was an okay guy overallBut alot of the story has to do with sai trying to figure out what its like to have a friend

And what to do because hes never had one

But he does know that he doesnt like seeing genos getting pushed around or made fun of so there are moments where he’ll try to stick up for him by telling them to knock it off or pulling genos aside to a differnt hallway when he sees the bullies coming

At the same time hes so confused on like what to do right, so he’ll also try to push genos away, ‘maybe if he didn’t hang around me so much, he’ll won’t get picked on…’

There was one scene i knew i wanted to do

Where after sai stands up for genos, the bullies treat sai worse

So it was an after school thing, behind one of the school buildings where sai is beat up pretty bad (like barely standing) and the bully has him by the front of his shirt and had his fist pulled back

When genos arrives

Before, sai had managed to ditch genos so he wouldnt see sai when he’s ‘weak’And always made up some excuse when he bruises or other injuries

So genos interrupts the scene by straight up grabbing the bullies wrist

And seething in all toasty righteous fury ‘dont touch him!’

and sai cant see it cus he had two black eyes at this point

but this was some dialogue i had written:

S:’What’s he doing? Why is he helping me?‘ "Hey–“

Bully pulls back fist "Look, kid. You’re new so I’ll give you a free pass this time if you walk away right now. You wouldn’t want us to mess up that pretty face of yours, would you?"

G: "How generous of you. Unfortunately, I won’t be extending the same courtesy to anyone who treats this person disrespectfully. Especially not ugly trash like you. "

Bully: "Why you–!! ”

And when the bully tries to redirect the hit to genos, genos instinctively throws out his palm and says ‘incin—‘ before he realizes he doesnt have his cannons

And genos is about to get b e a t

When sai wrenches himself from the bullies grip and takes the hit for him

They like tumble down and genos is confused to what happened before he sees sai lying motionless beside him, bleeding from his head and unresponsive

And i was gonna end a chapter there with genos screaming saitama’s name…

Next chapter was gonna be sai waking up slowly and in a world of hurt

He realizes he’s in the nurses office

It was night time

And when could finally see, he hallucinates seeing like 8 mini genos (remember the genosbots :3)‘Why…whys there eight of you/??’

So basically genos is worry over him so much whereas sai says its fine but genos is like feeling really bad so sai shakily reaches over and gently taps him on the forehead

And grins weakly, ‘there, now we’re even.’

Genos is crying openly bc he’s remembering when future saitama playfully hit his head after a spar and he thinks that saitama-sensei is strong no matter how old he is

And he’s just…overwhelmed by how kind and strong saitama is, even when he has no strength at all (Cus hes like 14 rn haha)

I think a couple days pass, and genos and saitama are eating lunch on the roof (cue bento box scene lol)

Sai is healing nicely, genos is still feeling bad whenever he looks over an sees the bandage on sais head

Some dialogue:

Eating lunch on the roof. G: How’s your wound? S: Hm? Oh, it’s fine. Don’t worry, my teachers say I have a hard head. G: I’m sorry. S: ? Why are you sorry? Not like you’re the one who punched me. G: I made things worse. If I hadn’t antagonized him, then–!! S: Then he woulda beat me up anyway. Seriously, man, it’s not your fault, okay? So you can stop doing all those things for me. G: Like what? S: You know! Like being nice to me and buying lunch and stuff. You don’t need to feel guilty about it anymore.

Sai is still kinda insecure abt having a genuine friend, so he still thinks genos is being nice to him out of pity or smtg, (and genos had been particularly nice to him after he got injured so he figured it was out of guilt)

And i mean….it was,, genos feels terribly guilty…but i think watching sai, who was powerless, attempt to protect him just made him more intrigued (and unbeknownst to him fall a lot deeper in love XD)

But genos says thats not why he does those things

That saitama reminded him of ‘someone’ he knew whom he admired greatly

At his ‘old’ school

He tells sai about his ‘sensei’ and how amazing this person was and all of his great qualities

And sai was feeling a little more depressed at each praise genos was singing about this person (coughjealouscough)

And i have another piece of dialogue here…

S: if you like him so much, why did you leave? G: …I wanted to see the kind of person sensei was before he became strong. this is where he grew up. S: …seems like a lot of effort just for one person. G:.that person (sai thoughts: he’s still talking?)…no matter what i did..I couldn’t reach him. I’d do anything to close the distance between us..I thought that if I came here, I would be able to understand him. I thought I could help him. G: touches saitama’s wound But instead, I’m still the one being saved. I never learn.

And genos gives sai this painfully heartfelt smile and its full of regret, frustration, self-loathing, admiration, and some other unidentified emotion that just floors saitama

Saitama sees genos’ smile and his eyes and is just...stunned by the level of vulnerability he sees (he’s never gotten close enough to anyone before to see it)

So he reaches out, hestitantly at first, before wiping away genos’ tears carefully because if he touches any harder he’s afraid genos would crumble

S: “i dont really get it...but if you feel that strongly, then i’m sure some part of your feelings reached him.”

And they share their first hug then :3

////

((When i wrote this, genos didnt have glasses haha so i guess that scene where sai realizes how pretty genos is would go before this one))

I guess if the glasses were involved, sai would be torn between wanting genos to take them off (so he can see his eyes which oddly finds that he likes them...alot.) and keep them on so other ppl wont see how pretty he is

Bc sure if they saw, genos would no longer be his friend

He would have so many ppl vying for his attn, he would be surrounded by girls and guys and would be approachableAnd saitama would get left behind

But i think even tho sai wants to be selfish and keep genos to himself, he also realizes that genos wouldnt be bullied if he were more accepted

So he would encourage genos to ditch the glasses and genos would end up getting accepted by everyone but he would still stay with saitama and nothing would change between them other than saitama getting really red at random times and avoiding eye contact more

It would just be one of the many things that strengthen their relationship as friends. And i think i had planned some stuff where they do a bunch of typical friend / kid stuff

Like genos tutoring saitama on math, genos running circles around sai in track/field (‘wtf...huff are...huff you?! huff some...kinda...rOBOT!?). Them going to the arcade, saitama taking genos around to explore his hometown, they go on hiking trips and stuff.

genos finding out saitama lived alone and that’s why he always buys lunch (or doesnt eat if he got bullied out of it that day) and talking out their issues and genos reaching out and saying yeah, he knew what it felt like to be alone

but that saitama should never feel that way because he wasn’t alone anymore, and saitama joking affectionately ‘yeah i have you to stick annoyingly close.’

and also heavy scenes like when you have to fill out future goals sheets in school where sai shyly admits that he’s always thought it’d be nice to be a hero and was shocked when genos was oVERWHELMINGLY supportive bc he’s never had anyone cheer for him like this, believe in him like genos does. And he calls genos crazy for agreeing with him, but he thinks he must also be crazy because when genos looks at him like that, he feels like he could do it

and its one of the first moments we see sai really open up to genos

bc being a hero was something he truly cared about

but his teachers, his classmates, heck the world, didn’t think he could do, they thought it was a hopeless dream for someone, and he’s so used to facing this kind of rejection that he’s started to believe it really would be impossible for someone like him....

but all it took was this one person, this one friend to tell him he could...and it made him feel invincible

and its probably the scene where saitama realizes how important genos is to him.

So of fucking course its when saitama realizes genos is important to him that drama bomb hits Basically, Dr. genus comes and pays genos a surprise visit. And hes like “did you forget the reason I sent you back here? Any updates?”

And genos is like “i have nothing of interest to report”

genus: "This isn’t some children’s game, you know. "

genos: "I must be careful not to expose myself. Saitama-sensei is more observant than I had initially planned--"

genus: "You’re stalling. I have an idea: Fight him. "

genos: !!! dr : "You’ll have a disguise. I will re-install your blasters. Perhaps a stressful situation will trigger a transformatio--. "

((so it was gonna be hinted at that even though genos appeared like a normal human, he was just redesigned by genus and was actually still a cyborg) genos: "I refuse to put Saitama-sensei in danger!!"

dr: "What danger? He is more than capable of--"

genos: "Right now, he is powerless. An attack could kill him--!"

dr: " And doing nothing will kill us!! Your mission is to find out the secret to his strength! Something we both wanted to discover and the entire reason why I chose you as my test subject! I will not sit here idly while you indulge in your childish fantasies that will get us both erased from the timestream. Look. " //he shows genos a pic of the hero registery from their time//

genos: " !!! Sensei’s name is missing!”

dr: " Your name is gone too. I dont know what you did but your actions are interfering with the future. Here. Collect your belongings and leave no evidence behind. We depart in 1 hour. "

genos: " !! Wait! Give me more time!! I understand now..!"

//genos has a bunch of flashbacks of when he does fun stuff with saitama. When sai tries to make him something in cooking class (and fails badly lol). When saitama shares his manga with genos. When they watch anime together.//

Genos: “I understand now..what type of person sensei was...his strength (when sai was protecting him from bullies)...his kindness (sai wiping his tears away)...his warmth (sai hugging him*)...!!”

“I finally understand...!!”

sai holding his hand, sai smiling and eating with him..

“...what its like to feel human again!!!”

He’s suddenly lifted off the ground and pushed roughly against the wall. Dr. Genus has him by the collar.

“Reality check, little shit!! You. Do. Not. Belong. Here! You’ve been playing pretend for far too long! And guess what demon cyborg?”

He tosses genos to the ground

“Time’s run out”

So chapter was gonna end with genos’ hand slowly fading in and out

next chapter would begin with genos being given 2 hours by dr. Genus to basically pack his shit and go. bc they cant leave any trace of the future stuff when they leave So genos ends up back in the classroom Packing his cute stationary and shit xD

(That sai bought him o b v i o u s l y )

And he’s startled by the door sliding open

And saitama walks in

He’s suprised to see genos there (and looking guilty?) “did ya forget smtg?”

And genos just kinda..looks away

And sai sees him packing up and taking everything and hes quiet for a bit ...

“You’re leaving?” He asks softly

“Saitama-kun, I—!”

“Why?” He keeps talking in that soft tone, but it silences genos more effectively than a shout

“I..I can’t...”

S: “...Is it because of that person?”

(Sai remembers the shine in genos eyes when he talks about his ‘sensei’, his special person, and his heart kinda just falls to his feet)

(i never had a chance, did i...)

Genos cant answer because yeah it was because of saitama in the future. So what if genos disappeared? Genos didn’t care. But the world needed saitama. It needed Saitama The Hero. He had to leave now so saitama can exist in the future

But since he cant say anything, for fear or changing the future even more, genos just doesnt say anything

So sai assumes that yeah, it was because of someone else, someone better than him, someone who deserved genos’ admiration and loyalty

He doesnt say anything, just approaches genos slowly, trying not to startle genos who has like deer in head lights ready-to-b o l t

And saitama rests his forehead on genos’ shoulder, barely touching him but close enough that genos cant ignore him, genos can feel his presence and his warmth

And theres a moment where genos is t o r n

Bc this saitama acknowledges him in a way that future sai wouldnt. This saitama looks at him and sees him whereas his sensei’s gaze passes over him to focus on the sale sign

And genos has been in school again, and he realizes he missed it. He missed having his worries be about being late for class, missing a school assignment, whether he could sit next saitama next class, what to pack for his and sai’s lunch tomorrow

And he knew in the back of his mind, that his real self, was in surgery at this time, trading warmth for fire and destruction, shedding his humanity while his future self was regaining it in the past,Thanks to saitama

He inhales sharply, ‘sai—‘ S: “don’t go.”

G: !

(Sai thought genos was going to say he was going to leave and he didn’t think he could hear him say it) S: “I know..he’s precious to you...” He reaches for genos, and after hesitating over touching genos’ hand, he settles for gripping genos’ sleeve of his school uniform tightly S: “but you’re precious to me “

And genos has tears streaming down his face. Because he wanted to stay, he had never wanted anything so much before than to just stay with saitama before he became sensei, to cheer for him when no one else would, to stop him from reaching the point he had trade his emotions for his strength, to stop the emptiness before it could touch him

But he also knew...that in order for his sensei to become strong...saitama needed to have these struggles that pushed him to change

That success without sacrifice was impossible, and he knew, genos KNEW it in his soul that if he stayed...if HE was the factor that caused saitama to limit himself, to fall back on a regular life when genos had seen it with his own eyes that this was a man destined for greater things...he would never be able to forgive himself

Genos throws his arms around saitama and hugs him tightly. He feels like he’s floating with nothing to ground him than the feeling of saitama returning his embrace equally tightly with his still lanky arms

G: “Saitama-kun....Thank you.”

G: “...goodbye.”

So next chapter begins ...With genos ending up back in genus’ lab

G: “Are we back?”

dr: “It appears so. We should—hey!! Where are you going?”

And genos is running off to look for saitama/his SENSEI because he had to exist, he had to still be a hero, right?!

He bumps into a monster

But not just any monster...Its the mosquito girl XD

Genos fights MG because its what he’s supposed to do, but he’s not scared for the fight...he’s scared for what’s to come AFTER...

And saitama shows up and finishes off MG with wan punch!!!

Genos is thankfully, not in disrepair bc he managed to dodge her attacks and was basically stalling for time

Saitama kinda sees him and looks at him blandly but to genos, that garrish, eye-burning yellow hero suit was the best thing he had ever seen

S: “Oh. A civilian? Are you oka—“

And he freezes all of a sudden.

And genos also freezes bc he doesn’t know what to do Its saitama-sensei...he should know the script, he’s done it all before

But now saitama-sensei was the stranger and he longed for the comfort that came with saitama-kun’s toothy smile

But he too had changed....he was a cyborg now, weaponized arms and black sclera on full display. His core spun dangerously. Would saitama even recognize him? Would he remember that day in the classroom when they parted ways, that was only a few hours ago for genos but more than a decade for saitama?

Genos froze. Would saitama even want to remember? After all the heartbreak genos had caused him?

Lost in his thoughts, genos almost didn’t notice saitama approach until the soft crunch of asphalt right in front of him jarred him to reality

Genos held his breath

Saitama didnt say anything. Only let that sharp gaze pierce genos in ways no monster could.

Genos couldnt read what he was thinking, he never could on his sensei’s bland face but this time, there was something tightly guarded in those brown eyes.

Saitama muttered something so low that genos had to use his advanced hearing to pickup

S: “It cant be...”

Louder and taking an aggressive step forward, saitama clenched his hand into a fist. He narrowed his eyes. “...If you’re some kinda shape-shifting monster...this won’t end well for you.”

G: “It’s genos!! I’m...I’m genos.”

Saitama freezes and his eyes grow wide. Genos almost instinctively lurches foward when saitama falls back on his heels, appearing shaken.

S: ...genos?

Genos nods tentatively.

For a moment, saitama doesnt say anything. But genos finds he doesnt need to. Those brown eyes had opened and genos could see, could feel some far-flung emotions creep back into that achingly familiar face as saitama let his gaze trail from his new eyes down his circuited arms and linger on the glowing blue that peeked through his shirt

After what felt like years, genos saw a corner of saitama’s lips twitch.

S: “It really is you....Heh. You haven’t changed a bit.”

G: “Sai—“

S: "I tried to forget you. I tried to go back to life before you. I finished school .... somehow got a job as a shitty salesman..."

S: "...I really tried."

Genos looked down, ashamed. He had been the one to injure saitama so unforgivably. He couldn’t imagine what it would be like if saitama had done the same to him, if he had turned genos away from being his disciple. Kicked him out. How could you forgive someone who changed your world for the better, only to leave it behind?

More than anything, he needed to beg for forgiveness, not that he deserved it—but saitama did.

G: “Saitama, I—“

Sai shook his head, like he didn’t want to hear it.

Genos thought his core would crack.

S: “I thought...If I were strong, things would get better. If I were stronger than that person..maybe you would have picked me instead.”

S: “Maybe you would have stayed “

S: “I trained and trained until I became strong...but it wasn’t enough. To capture your attention, I had to be the strongest.” Saitama pauses and shoots him a small, cheeky grin that had echoes of the same toothy smile Genos cherished.

S: “I would have to be, to take care of someone as high maintenance as you.”

Then the smile faded. S: “But even after I became strong..what did it matter? You had left and I didn’t know if I would ever see you again. And if for some crazy reason i Did meet you again...I didn’t know if i had it in me to ask you to choose again..”

G: (full on oil tears, the whole shebang)

G: S-Saitama..!!

Saitama grinned helplessly at him.

S: “So hurry up and choose me, genos!”

G: “Sensei!!!” [ because I had already chosen you a long time ago ]

They hug.

THE END!!!!!!!!!!! :’D

There’s a small epilogue where sai’s like..you called me teacher again. Im still not a teacher you know (in reference to this original post: http://yiulee.tumblr.com/post/139194391025/time-travel-au ) .

And genos is like: dont worry sensei, ill explain it to you

And sai is like ah, okay? But first. surprise smooch! S: been waiting 12 years to do that :D

/////

endless thanks to @konorai @batneko @egg-in-the-basket for bearing with me while i unloaded this beast into the discord chat..yall the real mvps!!! ;3;

#saigenos #opm #saitama #genos #time travel au #my writing #opm time travel au #i was right #im never finishing this LOL OTL #but!!#i hope you guys still enjoy the story outline! :D #the key scenes i wanted to write/draw are still included so im sated :>#yiulee art #opm art

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bthump · 6 years ago

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asia do you have. any dirty talk hcs?

you said something good about dirty talk recently right? lol i’m super tired rn so idk if i’m remembering well, but like, guts is quiet but occasionally gets into it when he’s going on automatic mid-sex, while griffith is more likely to deliberately get into dirty talking and do it very very well? w/e point is ia with that.

i also want to say something about griffith and like… his shame issues? which i feel would not affect his ability to talk dirty at all, he’d show no sign of self-consciousness, but it might add up when it comes to his self-loathing? it’s like the way he wages war - he commits to it, he goes all out, he wins, and then afterwards maybe he feels guilty, maybe he nearly feels guilty but manages to shove that guilt away only to add to what seeps thru his defenses next time after he masterfully pulls off an assassination or w/e and suddenly asks if Guts thinks he’s cruel.

except with sex

also i guess guts would say whatever pops into his head in the heat of the moment which griffith would love because it’s genuine, even if it doesn’t happen v often (mb griffith makes it a personal goal to make guts lose that self-control more often) while griffith tailors what he says to what he thinks guts wants, and he’s right more often than not. (but it might be interesting to explore what happens when he’s wrong)

#ask #a #b #headcanons #i feel like this could be more understandable but it's been a long day lol #madchen #what do you think? anything to add?

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minervacrawley · 7 years ago

Text

The Wound, the Lie and the Thing you Need to Learn Part #2

This is the second part to that post: https://minervacrawley.tumblr.com/post/165976476052/the-wound-the-lie-and-the-thing-you-need-to-learn

Telling you why narrative-wise Jonsa is endgame and J*nerys is not.

It finally centers the triangle Cersei/Jaime/Brienne as well as Dany/Jon/Sansa.

Cersei’s wound is a little more complicated so let’s start with the lie she blatantly tells Sansa: „Love only your children since love makes you weak. But it is a mother’s obligation to love her children.“. This lie was formed through the losses she experienced, so her wound is losing the persons she loved, first her mother to death, than her husband to his first love and her firstborn son to death. All of it made her weak and she loathed being weak. She needs to learn that love is worth feeling weak. The death of every of her three children feeds into her lie end she is (understandably) devastated every time. Now that they are gone there’s no reason for her to ever feel weak again, since there’s nothing left that really matters to her. That’s the other lie she tells Jaime: „The only ones that matter are us.“ stemming from her wound that only her other close family (Jaime and her children) were ever truly fond of her. To overcome this she needs to embrace the truth that other peoples’ lives are valuable, too. (I think that’s, to some degree, her reason for not ordering Ser Gregor to kill Tyrion: He’s a Lannister after all and there are only a few left of them.)

The only person left with enough impact on her is Jaime, her other half. He is trying to hold her back from doing too cruel things, trying to reason with her but he fights a lost cause. Cersei is already a slave to her lie(s), resisting every attempt so convice her of the truth. She is clearly trapped in a negative character arc.

Jaime isn’t easy, too. I think his wound is being blamed his entire life for the one really heroic thing he did (aka killing the Mad King and being known Kingslayer for it). All his childhood Jaime dreamed of being a true knight and when he finally saved the lives of thousands of innocents all he earned was the disgust of the common folk and even more of the lords. (“Stark? You think the honorable Ned Stark wanted to hear my side? He judged me guilty the moment he set eyes on me. By what right does the wolf judge the lion? By what right?“) So his lie may be „No one ever wanted to hear my side. They see me as the Kingslayer so why should’t I act on this reputation?“ James sees no reason to ever behave in a honorable way. He needs to learn that it is not the opinion of others for one thing he did but the sum of all his actions that define him and there are persons that will acknowledge the truth. Over the course of the story he experiences another wound: losing his swordhand and therefore his ability to wield a sword. That forms the lie „Without my hand I’m no more the best swordsman of the Seven Kingdoms, I’m nothing.“. He needs to learn that he’s more than his abilities with the sword.

Cersei can never help him to find the truth but does the exact opposite: telling him there is no need for honorable actions, she’s never shown interest in his explanation of Aerys’ death and she abandons him after he loses his hand. She even tries to „fix“ him by giving him his golden hand, as if he is not worthy with only one hand. She frequently urges him to betray the little whats left of his belief in chivalrous behavior (planning to betray Dany and Jon). She is the personification of hies lies.

But there is a personification of his truth, too and that’s Brienne. She the first (we know) to show interest in his part of the history and believing him, she’s the one to force him to not give up life after losing his limb, she shows him he’s a man if he is the prestigious fighter or not, she forces him to actually think about his life ("You have a taste…one taste of the real world, where people have important things taken from them, and you whine and cry and quit. You sound like a bloody woman!“), she provides a possibility to be chivalrous again (the Bear and the Maiden fair) and she forces him to consider his loyalties and what’s really important in the world („Fuck loyalties!“). It is Briennes influence on Jaime that finally prompts him to leave Cersei, the lie, behind and rides off to embrace the truth. He shows through his actions that he a) considers himself useful without his swordhand and b) is willing to do the thing he perceives as honorable.

Brienne herself has to deal with her own wound, for me it’s being scorned or laughed at only for being a warrior woman that does not fulfill common beauty standards. Her lie is „There will never be someone to acknowledge the person I am or love an ugly warrior woman.“. She is sure there will be no match for her, the only man she considers worthy would have to defeat her in battle. Something not many men are able of. She vows herself to the only man that acknowledges her abilities, but even to Renly she’s only a sword (and not his preferred kind of sword). Brienne needs to learn that even for an unusual woman like her there will be someone that appreciates her whole self. The first person to show her that truth is Catelyn, treating Brienne with respect. But the most important to help her in overcoming her lie is Jaime. In the beginning he teases her, but he is the one to be be a true knight by rescuing her (something she never dreamt of to happen, herself as the damsel in distress) while praising her swordsmanship. He gives her his own sword, showing that she’s precious to him. With him she can be herself with all her singularities and not feeling odd. He is a man capable of being her equal.

Now to the Dany/Jon/Sansa relationship. Dany’s wound is growing up expelled from her home to the stories of her more and more lunatic brother, her only family left who sold her like a broodmare. Through Viserys she formed the lie that „I can only find peace if my family sits on the Iron Throne. It is means everything.“ and „Our family ruled well for centuries so we are the rightful heirs to the throne.“. She needs to learn that she can find happiness without being the queen of Westeros and that the throne is not more valuable than anything else as well as that birthright does not make a good ruler. With the love of Drogo she experiences real happiness. He could have been the one to help her overcome her first lie, but he just wanted to help her get the throne what supported her lie. Then she lost her beloved husband and their son and remained presumed barren, another wound only to strengthen her lies which adjust to: „I can only find peace when I sit on the Iron Throne. Drogo and Rhaego died for it, there’s nothing more important.“ and „I’m D*en*rys St*rmb*rn, the last dragon, mother of dragons and therefore rightful queen of the Seven Kingdoms. I’m no ordinary woman.“ That’s the mindset of a conqueror and she acts like one. In the beginning she tries to be a good ruler: she frees the slaves, wants to make the life of the simple folk better, she’s interested in her peoples’ problems, she locks her dragons away when they threaten the safety of her people and she listens to her advisors. But then something changes. Over her character arc, almost every person feeds into her lie of being the rightful queen by brith and those opposing that find an often gruesome death. All of that strengthens her belief in the lie and leads her away from the truth. She grows into the personification of entitlement to finally fully adopt her position of mother of dragons, not men.

Jon, on the other hand, suffers from the wound of growing up as a bastard. He’s constantly reminded of his status by his stepmother, his half sister and later by the men of the Nightswatch with Alliser Thorne leading the way. His Lie is „Due to my baseborn status I don’t deserve neither a lordship nor a family of my own.“. Despite that this is his heart’s desire. That’s his reason to become a member of the Nightswatch, being convinced that he will never achieve it. Jon needs to learn that it’s not your birth but your actions that make you worthy. Sounds familiar?

When you compare that to Dany you see that they are, like in so many areas, two sides of the same coin. Both of them believe that: Birth decides if you’re a good/worthy ruler. Dany on one side sees her birth as a reason why she’s going to be a worthy queen while Jon on the other side sees his birth as a reason why he does not deserve to be a ruler.

They can’t learn something from each other since they essentially believe in the same lie.

While Dany is on a path of fully embracing that lie since every defeat or win feed into it:

listening to Tyrion and not winning Castlery Rock the way she thought = defeat

listening to Tyrion and sending her allies to triumph over Kings Landing = defeat

finally embracing her position as mother of dragons and riding Drogon into battle (aka fire and blood) = win

To name a few.

She rejects the truth presented by Varys and Tyrion, two of her impact characters.

She won’t overcome her lie and fulfilling her character arc when she finally wins the war with fire and blood and sits on the Iron Throne since that would be the ultimate confirmation to it. She is head over heels into a negative character arc and resists every attempt to convince her of the truth. (Just like Cersei.)

While Dany is someone sure in every action she takes, Jon’s thinking a lot, scrutinizing everything he does. What will be the right decision?

His path is that of more and more embracing the truth. It’s the opposite. One person to show Jon the truth is Sam when he suggests Jon as the next Lord Commander and he’s actually chosen. He gets that title (and the trust of his men) due to his actions beyond the Wall. It’s not important as what kind of person he’s born but what he decides to do. He realizes that he’s groomed into his successor by Jeor the Old Bear himself. Jon even learns the bad side of that truth: If you do something your subjects does not approve you will have to bear the consequences. The betrayal by his men feed into his lie of being no good ruler. When he’s resurrected he is ready to leave his position behind but then there gallops another impact character into his life: Sansa. She’s the reason for him to finally accept his position as a leader. She pushes him into it (just like Gilly did with Sam). If he won’t accept his role and accepts being the rightful ruler of the Wildling-Northmen-army their brother will die, their home will fall and Sansa herself will be abused by Ramsay. After winning the BotB he still struggles with his position. He can’t overcome the feeling that he does not deserve to be Lord of Winterfell / King in the North. He is no real Stark so the title belongs to her. Sansa attacks this lie, telling him „You are a Stark to me!“, saying she treated him the wrong way in their childhood and insists that Winterfell’s master bedroom (symbolizing the North itself) belongs to him since he is the rightful king. Something he reached by proving that he deserves that title through his actions. What intensifies all of her actions is the fact that she was one of the reasons for the development of his wound and lie.

In some sense, Sansa is Jon’s Brienne, the personification of his truth, while Dany is his Cersei, his personification of the lie.

„Yes, but Jon is in fact no bastard but the rightful heir to the Iron Throne due to him being Rhagar’s and Lyanna’s true born son. Won’t that destroy his lie for him?“

No, since he has to overcome his lie all by himself to fulfill his character arc. Instead, I think that will only feed into his lie. He is no bastard to a honorable man but the product of a love (?) that more or less caused the death of his mother, his father, his uncle, his grandfather(s), his half-siblings, his stepmother, his grandmother and some thousands of men. He descends from a family known for their madness and lunatic rulers, just like his late grandfather. Makes everything even better for a person like Jon who is excels in feeling guilty. He will feel even more unworthy due to his actual birth. And I’dont even talk about the trauma of not being Ned Starks son, the man he idolized like a god.

„And what’s about Dany?“

Jon being revealed as true heir to the throne will attack her beliefs just like it did his. Dany has to realize that it’s not her who’s the rightful queen. She lost so much she hold dear in pursuit of her goal (her husband, her son, a lover, even her brother) and now they tell her there is someone with an even bigger claim? That’s like working your whole life for a job, sacrificing your private life, risk everything you hold dear only that your new lover gets that job… due to him being a man? I think that will be the moment for her to fully embrace her position as mother of the dragons. She will be the queen by right of conquest. No one can tell me that she would settle in being queen consort.

Finally, Sansa. She starts believing that „Who’s beautiful on the inside is beautiful on the outside, too.“ and that „I only will be happy being the wife of a real hero like the one in the songs. Just like Joffrey is.“. These lies will be crushed during season one, creating her wound of being left alone by her family with the enemy as pawn in their games. She witnesses the death of her household, the beheading of her father, the disappearance of her sister who’s maybe death. And she took part in it cause she trusted Cersei. That forms the new lies that „There are no true heroes left. No one will ever save me.“ and „The only person I can trust is myself. Every other person will betray me.“. Sansa experiences betrayal from almost every person she met: Cersei, Joffrey, the Tyrells, Dontos, her aunt, Littlefinger, even Clegane left her alone to her inability to trust him. She needs to learn that someone does not have to look like a hero to be one and that there are persons left she can utterly trust.

There are already some metas how Jon proves to be a true hero to Sansa (beheading Janos Slynt etc.). He does not look like a hero on the outside (he’s a bastard, part of the Nightswatch with their falling reputation) but his actions make him one. He is the one to attack Ramsay, trying to save their little brother and their home and avenging herself. Theon and Brienne count as unlikely heroes, too.

But even more important, Jon is the one to restore her trust in other people. Since her father’s death there was no one not following his own agenda with her, but then comes Jon who’s only concern is her safety. Who says „We need to trust each other!“ and „I will never let him touch you again!“. He helps Sansa to overcome her lie by showing trust in her, biggest proof is him giving her the North. Jon is Sansa’s first impact character, convincing her that if there exists one person she can trust it’s him. Her trust in him is shown in her actions in season seven: „Jon is the real king.“, „The throne belongs to Jon.“. Probably Arya and Bran will help her to fully embrace the Thing she Needs to Learn.

So, that’s it. I’m sorry for some awkward sentences, I was staring at my laptop for hours but I loved the exercise.

#agot meta #jonsa #actually jonsa #jon x sansa #cersei lannister #jaime lannister #brienne of tarth #jaime x brienne #braimie #jonsa meta #jon snow #sansa stark #anti j*nerys #agot #jonsa is endgame #Jonsameta

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sadisim · 7 years ago

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All questions for Voteporix ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) and a saxy picu

sry i dont have pics of him hes ugly rn

+ thank u @simtai

Gonna skip some that aren’t relevant to his character development.

1. What’s their full name? Why was that chosen? Does it mean anything?

I’ve previously answered this on him.Click here.

2. Do they have any titles? How did they get them?

Not one. He’s that much of a loser

3. Did they have a good childhood? What are fond memories they have of it? What’s a bad memory?

Heeee kind of died when he was young.Younger than he can recall. The only thing he remembers from his childhood is that he was human.

4. What is their relationship with their parents? What’s a good and bad memory with them? Did they know both parents?

Does not remember who his parents are/were.

5. Do they have any siblings? What’s their names? What is their relationship with them? Has their relationship changed since they were kids to adults?

He’s sensed that not knowing anything about his past might bring him some interesting surprises.Some of his friends are looking into family ties hoping to find something.

6. What were they like at school? Did they enjoy it? Did they finish? What level of higher education did they reach? What subjects did they enjoy? Which did they hate?

He didn’t attend school.

9. Do animals like them? Do they get on well with animals?

Not really, all animals seem to hate him. They sense the undead in him and this makes him extremely nervous,especially around dogs.

10. Do they like children? Do children like them? Do they have or want any children? What would they be like as a parent? Or as a godparent/babysitter/ect?

Children are probably his second most hated,after women. He is so easily annoyed by noise and children are very weird in his eyes. He just sees them as a mini snack

12. What is their favourite food?

Humans. Flesh. Anything in the stomach area is his most favorite and especially on women.

13. What is their least favourite food?

Human food is completely gross to him, not because he cannot eat it but because it simply doesn’t contain any human meat inside it. He kinda likes crackers.

14. Do they have any specific memories of food/a restaurant/meal?

He once feasted on a 12 year old and he couldn’t stop himself from fantasizing about eating more people. He almost got caught after the national police declared a new serial killer is out hunting.

16. Do they collect anything? What do they do with it? Where do they keep it?

All sorts of things from bottle caps to buttons. But his favorite are human teeth. When he finishes off a victim he carefully removes the teeth in order to not get caught and keeps them as collection or to make jewelry. His friend,Wren, called him tooth fairy once.

17. Do they like to take photos? What do they like to take photos of? Selfies? What do they do with their photos?

He’s an amateur with technology and all of his photos turn out blurry or his fingers cover up the lens, although he really likes snapping pics at times.

18. What’s their favourite genre of: books, music, tv shows, films, video games and anything else

His fave music is grunge,punk,heavy metal,emo stuff. He doesn’t read because he’s illiterate but he loves fucked up shows like hannibal and ahs. The gorier the better.

19. What’s their least favourite genres?

Anything stupid and cheesy like romance,drama and children stuff. Musicals suck too.

21. Do they have a temper? Are they patient? What are they like when they do lose their temper?

He’s pretty patient because he’s laid back and doesn’t care about shit but if he loses his temper his inner undead comes out and he’s unable to control.

22. What are their favourite insults to use? What do they insult people for? Or do they prefer to bitch behind someone’s back?

“Fuckhead” or whatever stupid thing he can make on the spot. Dick and fairy are his favorites at the moment.

24. What is their sleeping pattern like? Do they snore? What do they like to sleep on? A soft or hard mattress?

He snores REALLY loud because he has serious breathing issues, you know being undead and all that. He’s all over the place, turning around and twirling in bed like a ballerina. If you sleep next to him you’ll get seriously punched and kicked. He only sleeps in his bed which has a very soft mattress and helps his back issues.

25. What do they find funny? Do they have a good sense of humour? Are they funny themselves?

He adores dark/creepy humor and anything that makes people uncomfortable. His faves are dead baby jokes and he loves pulling puns and such.

27. What makes them sad? Do they cry regularly? Do they cry openly or hide it? What are they like they are sad?

He does cry from time to time, especially when he’s too high to remember his own name. He simply cries,bails and screams to let it out,crawls on his floor and curls like a worm and cries for hours on end, letting out all the anger and depression he hides behind his creepy mask.

28. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?

He’s not scared of many things for real, like legit fear. But he’s terrified of falling in love. The idea of it simply brings him to tears

29. What do they do when they find out someone else’s fear? Do they tease them? Or get very over protective?

Listen he gets really violent real quick. Once he finds your weak point he’ll tease you to death, make fun of you and pull these strings to make you do whatever he wants. He LOVES to instill fear and terror into his victims or partners in bed, the feeling is overwhelmingly sexual for him.

31. Do they drink? What are they like drunk? What are they like hungover? How do they act when other people are drunk or hungover? Kind or teasing?

He’s not that much of a drinker but enjoys soda or carbonated drinks a lot. When he’s drunk he acts really mellow,sleepy and sad.

32. What do they dress like? What sorta shops do they buy clothes from? Do they wear the fashion that they like? What do they wear to sleep? Do they wear makeup? What’s their hair like?

He has a really trashy wardrobe. Something among thelines of „fuck this i don’t care as long as i feel comfy” . He loves mixing allcolors at once, wearing darker colors like dark green, washed out colors,black, matching styles like rappers clothing with asian inspiration. However henever wears classy things like shirts, ties, bowties. What describes him bestis „he looks stupid and awkard”. He loves saggy pants, shorts, jeans, bandtshirts, simple tank tops in dark colors,ripped jeans, really large shirts,gloves, socks anything that can be combined. He sometimes wears leather buthe’s always wearing weird materials that chafe on his skin like waterproof,synthetic materials.He loves jackets and weirdly colored socks like bright pinkor whatever that fits in those lines. He also wears sneakers or trainers sonever leather shoes or anything fancy.

33. What underwear do they wear? Boxers or briefs? Lacey? Comfy granny panties?

He doesn’t wear underwear.

34. What is their body type? How tall are they? Do they like their body?

He’s average tall,about 170ish cm, very slim,like VERY slim. He detests his legs for being really thin and being self conscious about them.

35. What’s their guilty pleasure? What is their totally unguilty pleasure?

Guilt isn’t a real thing for him but his porn addiction,drugs and killing people definitely count as that.

Unguilty...not sure if there’s any?

36. What are they good at? What hobbies do they like? Can they sing?

He’s very good at dissecting bodies,hiding corpses and such. Being a serial killer has

41. What’s their sexuality? What do they find attractive? Physically and mentally? What do they like/need in a relationship?

He is homoromantic, pansexual. Appearance wise he’s into normal guys,really. Doesn’t fancy anything special but he is dominant by nature so if his partner doesn’t look more submissive he can’t be attracted to him. He prefers shorter men because they are easier to dominate in bed. He’s not the relationship type.

42. What are their goals? What would they sacrifice anything for? What is their secret ambition?

Doesn’t really have a plan or anything. Hasn’t yet settled for world domination so he just goes with the flow for now.

43. Are they religious? What do they think of religion? What do they think of religious people? What do they think of non religious people?

His religion is hentai.

44. What is their favourite season? Type of weather? Are they good in the cold or the heat? What weather do they complain in the most?

He kind of likes the weather in between. He hates the rain and snow but he despises the sun as well. So darkness+ a light breeze is just about right.

45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves?

He doesn’t care or know what people think. He never leaves the house during daylight so it’s easier for him to sneak between crowds and such.

46. Do they make a good first impression? Does their first impression reflect them accurately? How do they introduce themselves?

Never. He’s the creepy guy you see across the street that you try to avoid without looking obvious. He’s the type who doesn’t introduce himself because the people he hangs out around aren’t that formal to care so the impression isn’t something that’s important to him at all.

47. How do they act in a formal occasion? What do they think of black tie wear? Do they enjoy fancy parties and love to chit chat or loathe the whole event?

lol,no.

48. Do they enjoy any parties? If so what kind? Do they organise the party or just turn up? How do they act? What if they didn’t want to go but were dragged along by a friend?

He’s both a party animal and a social events hater. So he parties on his own. Problem solved!

49. What is their most valued object? Are they sentimental? Is there something they have to take everywhere with them?

He’s not really attached to anything but he loves his house. It’s decorated with misc stuff that he calls home.

50. If they could only take one bag of stuff somewhere with them: what would they pack? What do they consider their essentials?

His vape, drugs to last him until he dies and a lighter.

#killo-bye #character stuff #simtai

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