#he's so annoying and lame and weird. i want to gut him like a fish and kiss his booboos at night

[ifmothermarywereafaggot]

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Making Amends ~ JJK, KSJ [Request]

WORD COUNT: 2.4K

GENRE: Fluff, established-relationship, friendship, a little bit of angst between Jungkook and Jin

PAIRING: Kim Seokjin x Reader x Jungkook

The door to the practice room opened and slammed shut as Jungkook finally entered the room for the first time that day, he was panting from running up the stairs of the BigHit building. He was late again like he had been for the last week. Jin looked up from the floor sweat dripping down his face after doing the dance routine that seemed to be making him sweat more than the other dances. He stared at Jungkook through the mirror and he was once again covered in hickeys with a giant smirk on his face. Jin glanced over at Hoseok waiting to see what would get done about this all of the boys had grouped together to talk about Jungkook being late but no one seemed to be doing anything about it now. Hoseok was supposed to be the one in charge of the dance practice, he was supposed to be harder on Jungkook but he wasn't.

Normally it wouldn't be a big deal, everyone is late every now and again but lately, with Jungkook it was weird. Every day this week he'd been late with some kind of lame excuse as to why. It seemed as though the maknae no longer cared about putting in the same effort where the practice was concerned and it was starting to piss everyone around him off. All he cared about was getting home to his beautiful girlfriend that was waiting for him. They'd barely been together a month but it seemed as though Jungkook only cared about that now and everything else was on the backburner.

"You're late," Namjoon mumbled from the other side of the dance studio, he'd been talking with Jimin about the dance steps for the number they were working on. Namjoon was struggling with one of the shuffling moves and needed a little extra help.

Jin's eyes danced from the leader to the Maknae who had an 'I don't care' attitude on already, the one he'd been wearing ever since he'd been with Sooyoung.

"Only by an hour," Jungkook grumbled to himself throwing his bag down onto the floor by the back of the room and going to join Jin at the front. Normally the two of them would be engaging in conversations talking about what was going on at home, Jin wouldn't be too harsh on him but it was starting to annoy him that Jungkook thought he could get away with being late all of the time.  

"Maybe you should start coming in earlier...I mean you are behind in practice." Jin whispered to Jungkook who seemed to take an instant punch to the gut by a seemingly innocent comment. Jin didn't mean anything by it at first, he was just trying to bring it up into the conversation.

"Behind? I'm behind? How can I be behind when I'm one of the best dancers?" Jungkook was back up on his feet as he yelled out, gaining the attention of everyone else in the room as they all turned to see what he was doing. Jungkook never acted like this before, he never said he was one of the best and never claimed to be either.

"Jungkook- I just meant-" Jin tried to speak but Jungkook was red in the face with anger. He'd had enough already and nothing had even started yet.

"No! I know what you meant. You're all just jealous because I'm in a happy relationship." Jungkook wasn't making any sense, all of the boys were in happy relationships. Jin raised up to his feet trying to calm Jungkook down since it was him that had started this mess.

"Jungkook I didn't mean that at all, we're all happy in our own relationships. You just need to manage your time better that's all," Jin's tone was calm as he tried to speak to the maknae but it seemed no matter what he was saying or going to say was going to calm Jungkook down. Everything was being blown out of proportion as Jungkook threw his hands into the air in defeat,

"So now my time management sucks?!" This time Namjoon took over for Jin, trying to explain to Jungkook that they all cared about him and that they just wanted to make sure he was doing what he was supposed to do. That was the original agreement with their management. Dating was only allowed to happen if they continued with their hard work.

"BigHit agreed to let us date if we could continue the same efforts we did before." Yoongi reminded Jungkook of the contract they'd all signed but Jungkook wasn't listening to reason. Jin shook his head at the sight of them all each of them babying him as they tried to calm him down. Jungkook didn't need to be babied anymore, he was an adult who could make adult decisions for himself.

"You know what," Jin started as he grabbed his bag from the floor, having enough of them babying him, he threw the bag over his shoulder and looked at Jungkook,

"I'm not going to pussyfoot around it like they all seem to be doing. You're acting like a total prick." Jungkook was taken back Jin was normally the levelheaded one who helped resolve issues but this time he seemed to be making it worse. Namjoon tried to say something to him but he couldn't find the right words to.

"Hyung-" Jimin whispered stepping forward, trying to stop something from being said before it was.

"No, it's time he heard what I thought." Jungkook stepped out from the rest of the guys wanting to hear what Jin had to say, hands on his hips as if he was some kind of immature teenager waiting for an answer.

"What is it that you think then Hyung?" Jin rolled his eyes at the behaviour, the attitude coming from Jungkook was that of a teenager and it was starting to annoy him.

"You're supposed to be an adult, not some stuck up kid who thinks the rest of the world is out to get him. Newsflash Jungkook! It's not. But if you wanna sit around and play house with your girlfriend then by my guest. Don't come crying to me when she leaves you or you suddenly don't know the dance routines!" Jin walked out of the practice room, slamming the door behind him as he stormed off. Jungkook stood there with his mouth hanging open like a fish, all of the boys were in total shock as Jin spoke what they had all been thinking but in a harsher manner.

"Do you all think of me like that?" He stuttered out trying not to seem as hurt by it as he was. He turned to look at Yoongi and Namjoon who were both trying to think of something to say but couldn't.

"N-No, Jungkook he's just-" Before Taehyung could even finish what he wanted to say Jungkook was storming out of the room with his bag in his hands as Jin had done before him.

"They'll calm down, they're just stressed," Namjoon whispered as Jimin and Hoseok looked at him worriedly, he knew as the leader he was supposed to go after them and make sure they made up but he also knew they needed some time and space. Clearing their heads before they tried to speak to one another.

A consistent buzzing was sounding from your drawer all afternoon but you were already in enough trouble with your boss that you didn't check it until you were leaving work that night. Your boss was an evil woman who hated all kinds of technology, which was why you still worked from paper instead of tablets like all other business.

As soon as you checked your phone there were missed calls from Jungkook were sitting on the screen, along with messages asking you to call him as soon as you could, he knew how busy you were with work.

"Hey Kookie, I'm just heading home. What's up?" You questioned into the phone as you walked over to the elevator in your office building, the doors being held open for you. Even though you and Jungkook were nowhere near one another it was like you could sense his body language over the phone. Something was wrong with him and you knew it was bothering him.

"J-Jin-Hyung, he said something today." You could hear Jungkook sniffling down the phone and you were already turning into mama bear mode. The thought of someone, even your fiancé, hurting Jungkook sent you into a rage. Jungkook was like a little brother to you, even though since you'd been with Jin you treated him more like a son than a brother.

"What did he say?!" The woman beside you in the elevator jumped as you raised your voice in such a small place without a warning. Jungkook only met your question with a sniffle and you sighed getting out on the ground floor parking level and looking for your car.

"Jungkook, tell me what he said." You whispered calmly to him but in an affirming tone, Jungkook hated the thought of telling you what Jin had said. It felt as though he was back in school and telling the teacher what someone nasty had said to him.

"H-He said I don't care about practice. All I care about is my girlfriend." You stopped at your car door as you heard the words come from him. You knew they'd been upset with him over practice but you never thought Jin would say something like that to Jungkook, Jin knew how sensitive Jungkook was to things like this.

"I'll call you when I'm home Guk, okay? Get a hot drink and calm down." You whispered, unlocking your car and throwing your bag inside as you tried to process what was going on.

"Can you come and see me? I-I sent Sooyoung home, I didn't want to be like this in front of her." You breathed out as you thought about it for a second. Jungkook and you had always been close but you had to go and see Jin first, there were always two sides to the story.

"I'll text you before I come around, okay?" Jungkook hummed in response to you before saying goodbye and hanging up. You laid your head down on the steering wheel of your car as you tried to think of something to do. Jin couldn't get away with saying something like that to Jungkook but you didn't want to seem like you were taking sides with either of them.

Jin smiled once he heard the front door to the house you shared together open, after a day like this one he needed to hold you in his arms for a while but as soon as you walked into the room he knew something was off. You were standing in the doorway of the living room and the porch, hands on your hips as you stared him down. He felt as though he was in trouble with a teacher at school or one of the managers.

"What?" He stuttered out, standing up from the sofa and looking at the calendar on the wall. He hadn't forgotten an anniversary or a birthday and he knew there wasn't a date night tonight so he had no idea what you could be mad at him for.

"A little birdy called me," You whispered to him as you began walking into the living room. As you got closer Jin sat back down, swallowing the lump in his throat as he watched you walking over to him.

"You upset Jungkook?" You questioned as you straddled his lap, it was the only way Jin wasn't just going to randomly up and leave you. If you sat on his lap you had his full, undivided attention.

"I only said what we were all thinking," He mumbled like a child, avoiding your gaze but you cupped his face in his hands and forced him to look at you,

"You said he doesn't care about practice. All he cares about is his girlfriend?" You questioned, tilting your head to the side as you waited for him to respond.

"It's true. It's like he doesn't care-"

"Kim Seokjin, do you even remember what happened when we first started dating? How you would skip practice? Even recording sessions..." Jin looked down as he realised how right you were about this. All he could think about when you first started dating was when he was going to get to see you again next.

"You're going to say sorry to him, we're going around with take-out and you will apologise to him." You weren't going to take no for an answer so he wasn't going to try and fight you back on it, he just nodded at you before kissing you softly.

"I'm sorry," He whispered as you pulled away from the kiss, leaning your foreheads together.

"It's not me you're saying it to," You whispered as you leaned forward to kiss him again before standing up and taking his car keys.

Jungkook opened the door with a smile on his face but as soon as his eyes gazed up to see Jin standing behind you the smile fell,

"He's here to make amends, right Jin?" You questioned as you looked up at your fiancé who held up the bag of take-out food. Jungkook's favourite all packed into the bag,

"Y/n's right, I'm here to say I'm sorry...I-I was being an idiot." Jungkook opened the door wider,

"You were..." You smirked to yourself as Jin bit down on his tongue, walking into the Maknae's apartment as he continued to tell him what a jerk he was being.

"Y/n made me realise that I was like this when we first started dating, I should have been more considerate to you." You took the bag of food into the kitchen, leaving the boys to figure out their problems alone.

"I'll start coming to practice on time, I just...I like Sooyoung so much it's hard to be away from her." Jungkook sighed, Jin chuckled looking over at you while you weren't paying attention.

"It doesn't get easier, but you learn to love the distance. It makes every second with them worth it." The boys exchanged pleasantries before coming to meet you in the kitchen and grab some of the food they'd been longing for.

Tagline: @lyoongx​ @mitzwinchester​ @fan-ati--c​ @kneel-begyourpardon​ @taestannie​ @rjsmochii​ @bisexualmess007​ @innersooya​ @sw33tnight​ @sweeneyblue1​

[cinnamonbunsenburner]

Love of a Billion Stars *Oikawa Tooru x reader Soulmate au*

- When you’ve heard of the concept of soulmates at school you were 8, you practically glowed with delight thinking that you probably have one of your own. Probably also thinking that it was ‘very easy’ to ‘feel’ if your soulmate was nearby.

- Lmao you believed that there was some sorta radar of something, or a bell that will go off if your soulmate moved

- *they’re not a dog y/n-chan wtf*

- But boy were you wrong 

- Then came your 16th birthday, the day you were supposed to have your mark that will give you a glimpse of what your soulmate likes in general. And on your 17th birthday, had you still not have found them, another mark will appear on your dominant hand

- You were imagining their symbol to be some sort of representation of who they are as a person, their inspirations in life, their dream career, and all that motivational shit

- To your surprise and demise, you were let down. Not really.. but the mark was very general and vague, and was NOT a symbol/ mark that will motivate you in moving through this life

- bread.

- fucking bread.

- what the fuck. 

- How in the world did you have to pair up your soul with someone who’s life inspiration was fucking bread

- What, did you need to go to France or shit to scavenge hunt your soulmate?

- ....

- no, y/n, you are not gonna think that that’s a good idea.

- no.

- Anyways

- Needless to say, you were quite irritated because how could you find someone that likes bread when literally everyone can like bread?! It’s very vague and looking for a person that has their life encompassed by a singular type of bread *milk bread to be exact* is very difficult considering that almost everyone likes that bread

- Fast forward to the time of your 17th birthday, you woke up with a dash of hope that maybe, JUST MAYBE, this soulmate of yours loves something else that’s more specific than a freaking piece of delicious milk bread.

- Alas you were surprised that this milk bread s/o of yours has their life revolved around volleyball!

- YEY they’re not completely as weird as you’d think they’d be lmao

- But, who were you to judge when you don’t even know what your mark was on them

- Maybe it was weirder than a piece of food

- Maybe it was a cow or dog or a fish 

- *very weird y/n, very weird indeed*

- The next day was a school day and you woke up bright and early, eager to hunt for your soulmate 

- You’re a third year at Seijoh and were quite popular because people thought your mark was  ‘intriguing’ *pfft* 

- anddddd because you’re gorgeous as heck ;]]

- Admirers flocked you, thinking that they might be your soulmate 

- They showed you their mark that was also some kind of pastry and that you guys paired ‘cause they also liked the pastry that was on the pack of your hand

- *you have like a line of milk bread bois at your disposal and it was kind of annoying so you give a different excuse every single time they try to confess to you. Such a player, y/n-chan*

- “l/n-san! I’ve heard that your mark was milk bread and I love that! Look, I have your *insert your favourite pastry* as my mark”

- *you were surprised because it was the first time that someone actually came up to you with your favourite pastry. But you were NOT feeling this dude. 

- C’mon, where’s the zing you were expecting and- and the slow motion eye contact-- thE ROMANCE?! Honestly, you were about to say yes ya’ll were soulmates BUT the gut feeling says that this was not it

- “Uh, sorry.. I’m lactose intolerant”

- *nice excuse y/n-chan, v v convincing*

- Then you just skrrt skrrt away ‘cause you may have a fan base but you were NOT gonna comfort that guy who’s borderline looking that he was gonna cry- nope; in the middle of the hallway, of all places. Gee, theatre boys are different

- In the back of your mind, you thought that the theatre dude was just acting that out in hopes of guilt tripping you. 

- trust issues, m8, trust issues are present because of these thoughts acCKK

- You sighed to yourself and went spy ninja sneak sneak towards the Aoba Johsai VBC, hoping that someone there might be your soulmate

- ‘cause you were v v tired of the self-proclaimed milk bread bois that was your fan club 

- But, you didn’t expect much once you were at the gym because there’s literally thousands of people in the vbc industry that might potentially like milk bread 

- You were thinking of maybe going out of town to hunt for your soulmate but you thought that you were probably gonna get strangled by your parents at how much money you were going to spend for finding a person

- *yes, you were getting desperate because you wanna FINALLY stop at being a third wheel when your friends were with their s/o*

- and maybe because you just want to hog someone else’s sweater and clothes and to do the premarital hand-holding oop

- ...

- You peeked inside the gym doors and was startled when this guy’s serve slammed to their opponent’s court 

- You’ve watched a couple volleyball matches when the second mark appeared to learn your soulmate’s passion. Awee

- And you just know that that killer serve could knock you out

- It was as if the universe was playing some sort of joke to you that his next serve landed out of bounds and rebounded towards your direction

- You shrieked in a banshee-like manner and moved out of the way just in time

- ‘I just saw my life flash before my eyes holy shit. So that’s what it feels like huh’

- While you were lost in your thought for a moment, a tall *and beautiful as fuck* guy went out the door and approached your still shocked form

- “Oh! Didn’t see you there. Sorry about that, my bad”. the tall guy said, rubbing his nape sheepishly, his eyes naturally falling on the hand that you raised up to tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear

- “Uh.. no! It was on me. ‘cause I was spying- I mean sight seeing-- UH WATCHING you guys play hahaha” *real smooth y/n, v v smooth*

- He promptly reached down for the ball near his feet and you got a glimpse of his dominant hand

- His mark was a star constellation,,, your favourite star constellation and beside that was a symbol of your dream career

- “Hey, quick question... do you like bread?”

- The tall guy looked down at you and grinned his pretty boy grin *damn you is whipped.*

- *your gut feeling was going haywire holy shit*

- “Why of course beautiful stranger! Milk bread to be exact ‘cause my mom bakes it so deliciously”, tall guy said

- You’re heart flipped and skipped a beat-- scratch that, your heart skipped a whole nth of beats that you might as well be dead

- “We have a practice match going on right now, my lovely fan. If you have something to give me, you can still wait until later! Wouldn’t want to be punched by Iwa-chan again..”

- And with that, he turned away to go inside the gym once again

- “Cassiopeia..” you muttered loud enough for him to hear as he passed by you

- “Sorry?”, he stopped in his tracks and turned to you with a shocked look on his face

- “Cassiopeia” you repeated once more, with a shaky voice. “It’s the constellation on your hand, right?”

- Oikawa, with his popularity, had been approached by plenty of his admirers, often claiming that they love astronomy and that they knew what kind of constellation his mark bears

- But when he asked them with his usual flirty voice he perfected to please the people around him, that person stammers and just said a random planet of some sort

- ‘does this look like a planet to you-’ he thought and never had he faked a smile more than when admirers fake their interest in astronomy to get close to him

- While he does admire all the courage and effort they put in confessing to him, he also hates the fact that they give him this silver lining of hope that he finally has someone whom he can connect with emotionally as they both have a piece of each others’ soul

- So when you uttered the correct kind of constellation, he was frozen

- His mind ran miles per second, all of it consisting of ‘what ifs’ and ‘too good to be true’

- Both of you stared at each other, heart’s unknowingly beating as fast as the other

- “Oi Shittykawa, what’s taking you so long-”

- “Iwa-chan, take charge for me will you?”

- “What? Coach’ll get mad you know!”

- “Just sub someone in”

- Iwaizumi stalked closer to you guys and was prepared to beat Oikawa’s ass off but before he could assault his lame best friend,

- “Code star, iwa-chan.”

- The buff ace froze in his actions and promptly nodded silently and closed the gym doors

- The bestfriends talked before about what they’d do if they found their respective soulmates. Iwaizumi proclaimed that it was rather childish of Oikawa to have a ‘secret code’  just because his nerdy best friend believed that the aliens might take away his soulmate once they finally find them 

- Though oddly enough, the shorter male agreed to this *pfftt*

- Finally alone, never once had you both took your eyes away from each other.

- “Uh- are you- are we?” You gestured to the two of you

- “I- I think so??” Oikawa flushed, he was NOT used to being all blushy around people, esp since he has a large fanbase

- Ya’ll were awkward as shit lmao, its adorable

- “... You want some milk bread at the convenience store nearby?” 

- You yelled at yourself internally, ‘WTF BRAIN?! COULD”VE BEEN A COFFEE IN A COFFEE SHOP JFC I am overheating sm’

- He gave you one of the softest smiles he himself never thought he could unintentionally do

- “I’d love that!”

[sacredlittlespace]

Love Language

A little high school AU where Aang is having trouble asking Katara to the homecoming dance. There’s a side plot of Sokka asking Suki to the dance, too! Hope ya like it.

Aang looked across the courtyard with intent. Katara was laughing currently, her head tipped back slightly and her smile wide. The sound came from her gut, and even though it wasn’t a cutesy laugh like some other girls had, it was still Aang’s favorite sound in the world. 

“You’re staring again.” Zuko’s even tone annoyed Aang for a reason he couldn’t place. He looked back at Zuko, who had a juice box hanging out of the side of his mouth, and frowned. 

“I can’t do this,” Aang said in frustration. 

“Of course you can! It’s just my dumb sister, it’s not like you have to ask out the toughest, smartest, most beautiful girl in the school,” Sokka added. 

Aang saw that Sokka’s gaze was set on where Suki was sat next to Katara a few tables away from their own. He knew that Sokka was also nervous to ask Suki to the dance, but to Aang, Katara was all of those things, and it terrified him. Especially since they’d been friends for years and nothing ever happened between them. Sure they shared a few moments that made Aang question if Katara did feel the same, like in middle school when they were playing spin the bottle at Suki’s birthday party and the bottle landed between Aang and Jet, Katara had chosen to kiss Aang even though technically the bottle was more pointing at Jet. But what if they were just really good friends? Aang could never tell. 

“Look, Katara is popular enough that if you don’t ask her soon someone else will. So you’d better make a move or forget about it,” Zuko said. He leaned back and tossed his empty juice box into a nearby trash can as if he was throwing a basketball into a hoop.

“Easy for you to say,” Aang grumbled. “You and Mai have been together since you were like twelve.”

“She still made me prompose, or whatever you call it for homecoming,” Zuko said, his even tone changing into one of concealed annoyance. 

“And the dance number was great, buddy,” Sokka said, leaning across the table to pat Zuko’s shoulder. “Now I have to top that with what I’m going to do for Suki.”

Aang could barely hear the conversation continue with Zuko asking Sokka what he had in mind. Instead, Aang was back to looking at Katara. She was so beautiful, sitting on the top of one of the outdoor tables, the sun hitting her at a perfect angle to make her hair shine but not make her face scrunch up from the brightness. Even though that would also be cute. Every time a guy stood up or walked near her table Aang’s heart would pound. He kept feeling like any second he’d lose his chance to ask her out. 

“...and that’s where the smoke bombs come in…” Sokka was saying, animatedly leaning towards Aang and Zuko, who looked beyond bored by whatever he was hearing. 

“I’ll be back,” Aang said, not even waiting to hear the rest before standing up. He adjusted his headband and ruffled up the hair that he was still getting used to. Nervous habits. Just start walking, he told himself, and he did. Like a robot he somehow made it to Katara’s table. When he did, the entire group of girls quieted down, and Aang noticed several of the girls smirking. Suddenly his mouth went dry and his palms turned into oceans. 

“Hey Aang,” Katara said softly. She looked at him with her head tilted in a way that made her gaze look like a mix between shy and sultry, and Aang felt his heart beat harder. “What’s up?”

“Hey - Katara,” Aang said, stammering on the words. The girls around them giggled and started whispering to each other before Suki shushed them. Aang’s hands started to shake. “Um, I was just wondering, um…” What are words?? Aang thought in a panic. How do sentences work again?? Oh God, I’ve been quiet for too long, I’m being weird, I have to say something -!

“Yeah?” Katara prompted, leaning closer to him. Her cheeks were turning a light pink, and Aang found himself unable to stop fixating on that detail. 

I’ve got to do this! Now is my only chance, Aang thought, clenching his fists and squaring his shoulders. “I...was wondering...do -”

The lunch bell rang. Suddenly all of the girls were standing up around Aang, pushing him slightly this way and that as they walked around him. Suki grabbed Katara’s arm, and quickly started leading her away. Aang stood still, his mouth still open with the rest of his words in his throat, ready to escape into an empty room.

Katara looked back at him after a few steps with an apologetic look. “Sorry Aang, let’s talk on our way home from school!”

“S-sure,” Aang said, even though he knew Katara was too far to hear. His face fell with disappointment. There were still four more periods left in the school day. There was no way Katara wouldn’t be asked out by then. 

A buzzing in his pocket made Aang focus on something other than the heavy pit in his stomach. When he pulled his phone out of his pocket, he saw that he’d gotten a text from Zuko in their group chat. “That’s rough buddy” was all it said, and then Sokka quickly sent a bunch of laughing emojis in response. 

Groaning, Aang shoved his phone back into his pocket and quickly walked back to his table to get his stuff. 

                                     ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aang didn’t walk home with Katara and Sokka like he usually did. Sokka was off somewhere with Toph getting something ready for his homecoming promposal for Suki, and apparently it was Katara’s job to keep Suki occupied so she wouldn’t catch wind of any of this. So, Aang walked home alone. 

When Aang got to their house, he went straight to the kitchen. There was only one thing on his mind: comfort food. He grabbed a bag of his favorite spicy chips and sat down on the sofa like a bum. Spending the rest of the school day nursing his disappointment had made him somewhat numb. He was still snacking and mindlessly watching TV when Katara walked in a half hour later. 

“Hey, I’m home,” she said brightly. Aang just grunted a response, which made Katara’s face fall. “What’s with you?”

“Nothing. How was distracting Suki?” Aang asked instead, still not looking at Katara and focusing instead on the TV in front of him and the pain in his mouth from eating too many spicy chips. He kept eating anyway. 

Katara huffed and threw herself onto the sofa next to Aang. She was just slightly closer to him than what would be considered normal, and Aang glanced at her out of the corner of his eye in response. “Exhausting! I’m sick of constantly keeping Suki away from Sokka. She already likes him, and she knows he likes her so it’s not like she DOESN’T know he’s going to ask her to the dance. He’s just being ridiculous and now I’m stuck in the middle of it.”

Aang nodded sympathetically. He knew Sokka was going overboard and was asking Katara for too much help. He was happy Sokka hadn’t asked him for anything - yet. “Did anyone prompose to you yet? Or do you know who’s going to?” Aang asked, his tone still even, concealing his hurt feelings. Seeing Katara with someone else...it would wound him like nothing else could. But what could he do?

Katara shook her head. “No one has promposed, thankfully. I would be so uncomfortable if anyone did. A couple guys have asked me to the dance through DMs, but I left them on read.”

Katara quickly looked away after speaking, her cheeks quickly turning dark pink. That piqued Aang’s interest. “How come?”

“Well…” Katara trailed off and paused before continuing. “I’m waiting to see if someone else asks me.”

“Who?” Aang asked, sitting up a little. Now he was curious. He wanted to know who would be the cause of the greatest hurt he would ever feel. 

“A...guy. He’s a friend, actually. A really good friend. But, I don’t know, I guess without realizing it I started to like him as more than that. Sometimes I think that he does, too, but then other times he seems like just a goofy kid who isn’t even interested in girls like that.” Katara sighed. “I guess I’ll just wait and see. If he doesn’t ask me, I don’t mind going alone.”

Aang wanted to offer to be a backup date, but decided that was super lame. Instead he asked, “So if he does ask you, how would you want him to? Since you don’t want a huge promposal.”

Katara’s eyes lit up with an emotion Aang didn’t recognize. Her face softened around a small smile and she dropped her gaze to the sofa cushion, busying herself with picking at some tiny balls of lint. “Well, it’s a school dance so it’s totally not important. But, if I could choose, I would want something small, private, and meaningful. Something that only the two of us could share.”

Katara looked up at Aang as she said the last sentence, and his breath caught audibly, making him slightly embarrassed after the shock of the moment wore off. He looked away, and decided not to think anything of it. It was just a coincidence. He couldn’t find it in him to form an actual response, so he just nodded, eyes focused on the TV.

                                         ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That night, Aang couldn’t sleep. He kept replaying those moments with Katara in his mind, and fantasizing about the possibility of her actually talking about him when she said all of those things. Aang didn’t want to let himself hope too much, but he did have a nagging feeling in his chest that wouldn’t go away. He felt it physically pull him out of bed, and before he knew it he was sitting at his desk, fiddling with a necklace he’d made Katara but never gave to her. Without thinking, he pulled out a blank sheet of paper and started writing. 

Dear Katara,

Remember that time you, me, and Sokka went fishing, but I stole the string off his fishing rod and he got so mad that he accidentally fell off the dock and into the lake? Haha, that was such a good time. It’s still funny. Anyway, Sokka was super upset because he thought I just took it to weave a random knot pattern, but it was more than that. Around that time, you’d lost your mother’s necklace, so I actually wove you one to hold its place until you found it again. But, that night your dad came home with the necklace, and I never gave you this one. But, I still want you to have it. The thing is, I always think about you, everything reminds me of you in some way or another. Like that string on the fishing rod, it made me think of you immediately and I took it without thinking. Honestly, I would do anything for you without a second thought. I’d even give my life. Maybe that’s weird, I don’t know. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I like you. I know you’re hoping some guy asks you to the dance, and he probably will because he’d be a special kind of stupid if he didn’t. But if he does turn out to be a special kind of stupid, I hope you’d accept my offer and go to the dance with me instead. I hope this isn’t super lame. I kind of feel super lame after writing this. Anyway, I hope you like the necklace. 

Aang

A sigh escaped his lips as he read over the letter. It was super lame, but since he already wrote it, he decided to give it to Katara anyway. Before he folded the paper, he remembered something, and started looking through his books until he found what he needed. A pressed flower. 

It was in the early days, shortly after Aang’s adopted family was killed and Katara’s father took him in. Aang would get sad often, but thought he did a good job of hiding it. Apparently not, though. Katara had found him on one of his lonely walks and fell into step next to him, not saying a word. There was a tree at the edge of their backyard, and Katara stopped under it, making Aang stop too. She told him that she thought it was fate that she found him unconscious in an alley next to his old home, and that he belonged with her, and her family. Then she looked up at the flowers blooming from the tree above them, and in the wind, one fell down and caressed her face before falling onto the ground in front of Aang. He’d picked it up, intending to keep the flower as a reminder of where his new home was: with Katara.

In the present moment, he moved the flower carefully from the book it was pressed into to the letter he’d just written, and folded the paper over it, keeping the flower safe. Then he quietly left his room and walked down the hall to Katara’s room. He stopped outside the closed door and took a deep, silent breath before bending down and carefully leaving the letter and necklace on the floor beside her door. As he walked back to his room, Aang could only wonder how tomorrow would go. 

                                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Aang woke up the next morning, he was filled with regret. Why would he write her a letter? Who does that anymore? I’m so stupid, he thought to himself, jumping out of bed to grab the letter before Katara found it, but he was too late. The letter was gone. 

Panic. Aang didn’t know what to do now, frozen in the hallway just staring at the empty space where his pathetic letter used to be. It was five thirty, so an hour before anyone else would be awake. Aang decided to get ready and leave before everyone else. It would be easy to avoid Katara in school, not so much when they were in the same house together. 

After a quick shower and blindly getting dressed, Aang all but ran out of the house. In fact, once he was outside, he broke out into an all out sprint. The doors to the school building didn’t open to students before seven thirty, but Aang knew a place that was always open to him. 

“Aang, nice to see you so early,” Roku said, smiling. He opened his front door wider, allowing Aang to come in. Even though Roku was Zuko’s great grandfather, he’d always had a special bond with Aang. It’s like the two could always talk about anything and always understand each other on a deeper level. 

Roku placed a cup of hot tea in front of Aang. They sat in silence at Roku’s kitchen table for a long moment. Finally, Aang broke the silence. 

“Roku, I did something really stupid,” he said, his face pulling into an anguished frown. 

“Illegal stupid, or normal stupid? I can only help you with one. Kyoshi could probably help you with the other. She killed a man once.”

“Ugh,” Aang groaned in frustration. “Enough about that. Just normal stupid. I wrote a letter to Katara confessing my feelings for her but now I regret it and it’s too late. What do I do??”

“Ah.” Roku looked away from Aang and took a long sip from his tea. “Did I ever tell you how I managed to get my wife?”

“Yeah,” Aang nodded. “You were a total loser but she liked you anyway.”

Roku laughed. “Something like that. Love gets easier as you grow older. You learn what’s important and what isn’t. When you’re young, the surface, the appearance of it matters so much. You say things and think, ‘oh, why am I so stupid! Why did I say that and not this??’ When you get older, you learn that with the right person, there’s never a wrong way to say how you feel. They speak your love language fluently, and accept your awkwardness and vulnerability.”

“But how do I know she’s the right person? What if she doesn’t speak my...language of love,” Aang said, forgetting exactly how Roku had phrased it and making up the closest thing he could on the spot. His brows were pulled together so tightly that his forehead actually started hurting. 

“You will know when you find the right person,” Roku said. He watched Aang while he sipped his tea. “Listen Aang. There is no shame in expressing how you feel. We feel things for the exact reason to express them. Your feelings will guide you to the right path; when something fills you with anxiety, you know that’s your spirit telling you that path isn’t for you. When something brings you happiness, you know that’s your spirit telling you that whatever it is that makes you happy is bringing you closer to your authentic self. And when you feel peace, that’s your spirit finding its home. If you don’t accept and express your feelings, you will only become lost. You like this girl, you told her; her response will lead you to your correct path.”

“What if she rejects me?” Aang asked softly. 

Roku put his tea down, and looked Aang straight in the eye. “Then you’ll get closer to who you need to be with.”

                                               ~~~~~~~~~~

While at school it was easy to avoid Katara. She was a year above him in school, so they had no classes together. And usually they didn’t sit anywhere near each other at lunch; that was Katara’s girl time. That started when Suki wanted to talk to Katara about Sokka alone, and then it just stayed that way. Aang skipped lunch today just to be safe. 

Roku’s words kept going around and around in his mind the whole day. The right person. Who you need to be with. Whenever he thought about those things, all he saw was Katara. If she rejected him, he’d be totally lost. 

Maybe she would reject him quietly. Or maybe she would pretend the letter never happened and spare him. Aang was hoping for the latter when he got home, knowing he couldn’t avoid Katara forever. 

“Aang?”

He’d barely entered the home before Katara called his name. “Yeah,” he called back, busying himself with taking off his shoes before entering the house. His voice had cracked slightly with nerves, and Aang cleared his throat, hoping she didn’t notice. 

“Can we talk?”

When Aang turned around to walk into the living room, the first thing he noticed was the woven necklace around Katara’s neck. His heart started pounding immediately, but then he looked up and saw Katara’s upset face and his entire body went cold. 

“Where were you today? You left early, I didn’t see you at school, and then you weren’t around after school either.”

Aang looked to the side and started playing with his hair nervously. “Sorry, I couldn’t sleep last night, and then Roku asked me to come by this afternoon and help him with some housework. I guess I should have told you and Sokka I would be home later.”

Katara’s face softened. “I couldn’t sleep last night either,” she said, delicately touching the necklace she was wearing. Aang swallowed so hard he swore Katara could hear it. Her face fell back into a frown, and then she said, “Why doesn’t Zuko help him, he’s actually related to him.”

Aang laughed nervously and shrugged. “They have a complicated history. Plus I enjoy spending time with Roku.”

Katara hummed softly in response, and looked away. Her cheeks were turning pink again, and she started nervously playing with her necklace. Aang remembered what Roku had told him, and tucked his fear away for now. Either way, he would come out of this closer to where and who he needed to be. 

“I see you’re wearing the necklace I made you, I hope that means you like it,” Aang said. He figured he’d step up and approach the situation head on. He was the one who wrote the letter, he had to be ready for a response. 

“I love it, it’s beautiful,” Katara said, smiling at the ground. “And that flower...it was from that day…”

Aang scrunched up his mouth with nerves and started playing with his hair again. “Yeah...you’d said if someone asked you to the dance you’d want it to be meaningful and something only the two of you could share. I figured that was a good choice. I know I’m only a backup date, but I still wanted to do that for you.”

Instantly Aang regretted saying that. He didn’t want to be the backup date, he wanted to be her first choice and he should have fought for it. He worked up the courage to look back at Katara and found that she was already looking at him. 

“You know, you really are a special kind of stupid,” she said, smirking. 

Aang’s face twisted. “Huh?”

Katara took two steps towards him and smiled. “You’re the one I wanted to ask me to the dance. Suki and I were actually planning a way for me to ask you. I’m glad it happened this way, though.”

“Uh, what,” Aang said, blinking. He felt like Katara was speaking another language. Like he could hear sounds coming out of her mouth, but not words. 

Rolling her eyes, Katara closed the distance between the two of them and wrapped her arms around Aang’s shoulders, letting her hands cradle the back of his head. “I like you, too, Aang. Everything you said in the letter, I feel the same. It’s more than the dance, too. I,” she said, ducking her head a little, her cheeks bright pink, “I want to be with you, Aang.”

He didn’t know how to respond. The best possible outcome just happened, and he felt his soul leave his body anime style. He felt like fainting, but instead he leaned forward and kissed Katara. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he pulled her even closer to him, something he’d always wanted to do, and they stayed that way for a long moment. 

Suddenly the front door burst open, and Sokka walked in, lower lip trembling, eyes filled with tears. Katara and Aang jumped away from each other, not sure if they wanted Sokka to know just yet. 

“Sokka?” Katara asked, clearly concerned. “What’s wrong?”

“It was a disaster,” he wailed. Sokka started ticking things off his fingers as he spoke. “The hot air balloon canceled, the acapella group ended up just being one guy who weirdly smelled like pickles and couldn’t even sing - he did have an impressive range of armpit fart sounds, but that’s besides the point! All of the letters I wrote her to be delivered before each class ended up getting sent to some girl named Zuki instead?? And the scavenger hunt clues didn’t match where Zuko actually hid anything. And we didn’t even get to the second part of the promposal yet! The smoke bombs were duds - or so I thought until they went off five minutes later and basically suffocated me -”

“Sokka, stop! We get it, this super over the top, way too many ideas mashed into one promposal didn’t work. Now skip to the part where Suki reacted; what did she say??” Katara asked, and Aang leaned forward too, just as interested to hear. 

“I don’t know!” Sokka said, throwing his hands up. He groaned and scrubbed his face with his hands. “I was so humiliated I just ran home. Suki will never want to see me again, I’m a failure!” Sokka was just about sobbing now, but then the doorbell rang, interrupting him. He paused and frowned, turning towards the door. “If this is that weird acapella guy, I’m not paying him.” Sokka angrily swung the door open, and his face instantly lit up. “Suki!”

Aang moved a little so that he could see Suki, who was standing in the doorway with roses in her arms, amongst several bags. She was beaming right back at Sokka. 

“Hey Sokka. Zuki gave me all of your letters, and the roses, and Zuko gave me all of the gifts you got me. Someone from a hot air balloon company gave me a free ride coupon, too. Oh, and some guy who smelled like pickles performed the Ave Maria with armpit fart sounds?” Sokka’s face fell and he dropped his face into his hand. Suki just laughed. “But I also saw the dance performance you came up with, or at least the backup dancers. They said it wasn’t the same without you, and the lyrics you wrote for me, but they ended up giving me the lyric sheet and I loved it. I don’t know what else you had planned, but it was all amazing Sokka.”

“Wait. Wait here. There’s one more thing.”

Suki’s face fell a little, and she tried to stop him. “No, Sokka, I -”

“No, seriously, I’ll be right back.” Sokka’s sincere voice convinced Suki, who just smiled adoringly at him and nodded. 

Aang looked at Katara after Sokka ran up the steps, but she just shrugged. Aang guessed Katara didn’t know this last part of the plan either. Only a moment later, Sokka was running back down the steps. He approached Suki with a teddy bear in his hands. It was wearing a shirt with a picture of Sokka and Suki printed on it, and tucked into little straps on its hands was a little case. 

Sokka rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, looking at Suki with a blush on his cheeks. “This was how I was going to originally ask you. There’s a flash drive inside the case of songs I picked out for you. The lyrics of the songs spelled out a message you were supposed to decode, asking you to the dance, and...to be my girlfriend. 

“But once I saw Zuko’s promposal to Mai - who’s already his girlfriend - I panicked. Especially since it’s you. I thought this wouldn’t be enough. But now I see I kind of went way too hard on the promposal. I’m sorry.”

Suki dropped everything in her arms and jumped towards Sokka, grabbing his face in her hands and kissing him. Aang looked away, feeling embarrassed for some reason, and saw Katara do the same. They shared a look and giggled, both happy that Sokka hadn’t seen their kiss moment. 

“Sokka, everything you did was so romantic. I love how passionate you are about things that matter to you, and I love that I’m one of the things that matters to you. I would want nothing less than to go to the dance with you as your girlfriend.” Suki’s smile was wider than Aang had ever seen it, and the only thing that distracted him from it was Sokka’s knees buckling and him fainting to the ground. 

                                        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aang looked across the hall with intent. There Katara was at their table, laughing and talking with Suki and Mai. Aang smiled at her, even though he didn’t know what was making her smile, he just loved to see it. 

“You’re staring again,” Zuko teased. He filled up a plate of desserts for both him and Mai, and on the other side of him Sokka was doing the same. 

“Yeah, at my girlfriend,” Aang said, and couldn’t help the little laugh that followed. The words still made butterflies erupt into flight in his stomach. His girlfriend. How would life ever get better than this?

“I still can’t believe Suki said yes to being my girlfriend,” Sokka said, turning around to gaze at the table of girls. 

“I still can’t believe you fainted when she did,” Zuko said, his voice back to its even tone. 

Sokka frowned. “I had low blood sugar! I hadn’t eaten all day because I was working to get everything ready and -”

“Yeah yeah,” Zuko said, waving a hand towards Sokka. It was nothing they all hadn’t heard before. “Let’s just get back before Mai turns into a dragon and bites my head off for taking too long to get desserts.”

Aang quickly finished filling his plate with fruits, but grabbed a few pastries last minute in case Katara wanted those too. When they got back to their table, Katara immediately started eating the fruit off of Aang’s plate. 

“Thanks for getting me fruit,” she whispered to him. “I’ve been dying for them all night, but forgot to tell you to grab some when you got up. You just read my mind.”

“I do what I can,” Aang smiled, watching Katara fit so many pieces of pineapple into her mouth that she looked like a chipmunk. Then he brushed her long wavy hair off of her shoulder toward her back, letting his fingers brush the necklace he’d made Katara that she still hadn’t taken off. “I can make you a better one,” he said, looking at the cheap string it was made out of. It was all he had at the time, but she deserved better.

“I already love this one,” she said, shaking her head. 

“I love you,” Aang said automatically. Once he realized what he’d said, his smile dropped and his eyes widened. He’d said it without even thinking, and now he was afraid he’d scared Katara off for good. 

For a moment Katara’s eyes widened too, but then her face softened into a dreamy smile, and she leaned forward, pressing a kiss onto Aang’s lips. She tasted like pineapples, but that wasn’t the reason Aang had a hard time pulling away.

“I love you, too.”

[reivenesque]

A Cobra Kai Post Tournament Fic [H/C. Friendship]

Running in a Serpentine Fashion Chapter 1: Diaz 

(AO3)

It had been nearly a week since the tournament – which they won, by the fucking way... not that it really even felt like it – because Sensei Johnny was still moping around over god knows what attempting to drown himself in his office with six-packs of lukewarm Coors light. Miguel didn’t realize when sensei even made the switch. He was the one who always said light drinks were for pussies.

They won in spectacular fashion, like one of those cool underdog sports movies and his sensei’s reaction had been… cold at best, which confused the hell out of Miguel. He taught them to win and they did, and his lack of enthusiasm about it was just frustrating as shit. And strange, even by sensei’s definition of strange.

It didn’t help that stuff was weird at home as well. His Yaya was totally over the moon about his win (something about him finally becoming a man that isn’t such a doormat) and his mom had been happy and proud – at first at least, or that was how it seemed on the surface. Miguel could always tell when his mom had something that she needed to get off her chest. She kept acting all strange about him and saying pointed stuff that he couldn’t really understand. But whatever she really wanted to say she kept pent up – which happened like never, so whatever it was was obviously something huge.

It wasn’t until that evening that she finally out and said it while she was bent over the sink washing the dishes and Miguel had come into the kitchen to get a drink. “You were really quite violent with that kid at the tournament the other day. I almost didn’t recognize you for a minute there, mijo.”

And finally everything seemed to click into place.

“I won didn’t I? Strike first, strike hard; no mercy. That’s the Cobra Kai way!” he said. His mom didn’t respond to what he said and when he looked up at the silence he found her eyes shining with what seemed like sadness as they continued staring him down. “Whatever,” he said. He didn’t want to get into it, least of all with his mom and least of all right then. Sensei Johnny was being a moody dick, his mom was being weird and neither of them were reacting to his win the way he expected them to which was kind of pissing him off. So he shoved the orange juice back in the fridge and with a mumbled, “I’m going out,” he grabbed his jacket and left without another word.

Moon and Hawk were sucking face against the wall outside the convenience store they were at, making really gross sucking sounds that were getting super annoying and attracting too much unwanted looks of disapproval from the old people passing by.

When Miguel left the house to get away from that uncomfortable talk his mom was about to make, he did it not with the intention of becoming the third wheel to Eli of all goddamn people making out with one of the hottest girls in school when they were supposed to be hanging out helping him lick his wounds. Thank god for Aisha.

“Nut?” offered Aisha, offering an opened bag of peanuts to him when he walked over and took a seat beside her on the sidewalk.

“Nah,” he said, waving off the offer. “Thanks. I think I have enough nuts in my life as is.”

“Problem at home?” she asked.

“At home yeah… and at the dojo… and at school… and with sensei and my mom and Sam and just – just when I thought things were finally going right in my life,” he groaned exasperatedly and buried his face in his knees, the very picture of wretched. 

He wished badass Miguel from the tournament, the one who kicked ass and got the crowd all pumped up and shit would have stuck around. He was tired of being loser Miguel who didn’t get the girl, made his mom all sad and caused whatever depressive mood his sensei was currently stuck in. He thought he’d finally crawled out of that particular hole.

“Life sucks!” he bellowed suddenly, startling Aisha beside him into dropping the bag of nuts in her hand. She managed to snatch it up out of the air and continued picking at it like nothing happened.

“It does,” she said unhelpfully and completely unconcerned.

Miguel sighed and let his arms drop to the side, resting his forehead on his knees once again.

He didn’t know how long he stayed in that position, probably looking as pathetic as he felt, ironic for someone who just won the All Valley Championship; beating out people with much more experience than him. It was pretty rad for someone who just a year ago would walk around with greens stuck in his braces for hours without realizing it.

“Oh shit, you’re not going to believe this, Diaz.” It was Hawk who made him finally look up. Aisha was busy staring at an indistinct spot across the street and the fact that he’d actually managed to peel himself away from Moon’s lips to notice whatever it was that caught his eye, it must have been something really important. “Check it out, man,” he said what Miguel caught his eye, following in the direction he was indicating with a jutted chin

And up until that point, Miguel didn’t think his night could get any worse. But evidently someone upstairs named Murphy decided that he hadn’t had enough shit flung at him already.

Because down the street, illuminated under the streetlight, strutting without a care in the world and headed towards the convenience store they were convened in front of was none other than Daniel LaRusso’s super special protégé student, Keene.

Just the sight of him made Miguel’s blood boil and all of his other problems all of a sudden seemed almost unimportant.

“Come on, Miguel,” said Aisha, sounding almost concerned. “Let’s not get into this now. It isn’t worth it. Besides, you already won, right?”

Miguel could hear Aisha speaking but none of what she was saying actually registered. He sensed Hawk stepping up behind him, flinging an arm across his shoulder as he leaned in to whisper into his ear. “Round two, man?” He said. Miguel could almost hear the sound of the smirk on his face. “Remember what sensei taught us: strike first, strike hard. No mercy.”

“Don’t listen to him, Miguel,” said Aisha, ever the peacemaker. “Just let it go.”

Miguel was literally standing there with both an angel and the devil whispering into his ear and he didn’t know which advice to take. Instead he asked himself: what would Sensei Johnny do?

The answer it turned out, presented itself before the little sensei in his head could even begin to verbalize of an answer, when Keene got close enough to notice Miguel staring at him like he’d kicked his dog. Miguel didn’t own a dog in any case, he was terribly allergic to fur, but he imagined he would have that exact look if he had a dog and someone decided to kick it.

“Hey, Keene, out so late by yourself? Where’s your precious sensei LaRusso?” he asked. Beside him he could hear Hawk cheering and Aisha sighing exasperatedly.

Keene was about ten feet away before he slowed down to a stop, rolling his eyes and sighing tiredly when Miguel finished his spiel. He thought he sounded pretty damn cool himself.

“Look, I’m not looking for trouble,” he said, raising both arms in front of him. His shoulder must be feeling better since he was without the sling, Miguel thought, not that it mattered anyway.

“Too bad,” he said. “Cause trouble’s my middle name, and you just found him.”

The moment the words left his lips he knew he’d messed up his own cool monologue scene. Beside him he could hear Aisha scoffing and her derisive, “Dude, that was beyond lame. How are we even friends?”

He couldn’t even find it in him to fault her for that one.

“I’m leaving, okay?” said Keene without addressing the utterly lame point of conversation and if Miguel didn’t hate his guts so much, he’d be super appreciative of the guy not rubbing it in.

For a split second right then, he couldn’t even recall why he hated the guy in the first place.

But then his mind went to thoughts of Sam and it rekindled the fire underneath him once again.

“Running like a little mouse, coward?” yelled Hawk at his receding back.

Keene evidently took a much better course on witty comebacks because he said, “Well I can’t wait around all night for you to go fix that lame ass haircut,” which Miguel hated to admit, was a pretty awesome response.

It stirred up Hawk the wrong way unfortunately and Miguel found himself getting between Hawk and Keene instead of being the one leading the charge.

“Don’t be such a pussy, Diaz,” said Hawk, shoving him hard, forcing him to take a step back. “And you,” he continued, looking up at Keene who’d stopped to watch the proceedings interestedly, “We still have unfinished business.”

It was Moon who fortunately swooped in to save the day and the pun was definitely intended; grabbing Hawk by the hand and pulling him back to finish their exploration of each other’s facial cavity by the side of the store. Miguel forced himself to look away disgustedly.

He found Keene staring at him intently when he turned around. “What?”

It took him a moment to think up whatever lie he was about to spin, at least, that’s what Miguel’s brain told him what’s up. “Look man, I know you don’t like me, and I’m really… just… unbothered by any of you. But whatever you think went on with me and Sam… you’re wrong – and pretty stupid for messing up that badly with her.”

Miguel wondered why he stopped Hawk from beating the guy to a pulp at that moment but he reined back his anger. “What did you say?”

Keene seemed to realize his words because he raised a hand as a show of peace. “I mean, Sam was just being a friend, and nothing more. What happened at the beach party – she was talking about you the whole way there. Her mom took her phone and I helped her get out by pretending that I sprained her ankle so her mom would get her to drive home. That’s why she came to find you there and you did… whatever it was you did there.”

Miguel found himself speechless, his mouth opening and closing like a fish on dry land. It was not a good look in general, and it probably looked even worse on him. “What?”

“Yeah, man. You had a great thing going with her and you messed it up by being… well, by being a dumb guy.”

“But I saw you guys, at her house having dinner that night? She wouldn’t even think of introducing me to her family but with you…” the last part came out almost as a whine which he wasn’t proud of.

Keene’s brows narrowed, like he was trying to remember the dinner Miguel had mentioned. When it finally came to him, his eye roll was very obvious and very exasperated. “Christ, you really are an idiot, aren’t you?”

“Don’t call me an idiot!” he said, taking a menacing step forward but was held back by Aisha’s hand on his shoulder.

“Well then stop acting like one,” he said, causing Miguel to grumble. “I wasn’t there with Sam. I was there because her dad was teaching me karate and he invited me to dinner. Nothing more.”

As much as Miguel hated Keene calling him an idiot it was slowly and surely dawning on him that he really was a stupid idiot.

“Oh,” he said dumbly.

“Yeah, oh-exactly,” said Keene, and even though Miguel’s hate for him had simmered down by a lot, it still didn’t stop him feeling like he wanted to punch the guy right in his annoyingly pretty face.

“Have you come back to your senses yet, Miguel?” asked Aisha, “Cause I miss the dorky, nice Miguel who I joined the Cobra Kais with, not this… skinny, Latino terminator wannabe Miguel who’s really kind of a dick if I have to be honest. Sam deserves better than that.”

Miguel deserved all the name calling he was getting – and more. He really did feel like a fool, and a tool. He didn’t regret anything he’d achieved at the tournament, it was all because of his sensei that he managed to even achieve all that and he was forever grateful. But he couldn’t stop thinking that maybe he could have handled everything better.

His mom’s unspoken words the last couple of days suddenly made a hell of a lot more sense right then.

“Sorry,” he muttered to no one in particular.

Keene just exhaled, understanding that the indistinct apology was directed at him without Miguel saying it outright. “It’s fine. Will you all please leave me alone now?”

Miguel tried to stop the sheepish look from creeping up onto his face – he still had a reputation to uphold – but resistance proved futile. “Sorry about your shoulder too.”

“Don’t worry about it. What’s done is done.”

Keene really was the better man of the two of them. Miguel realized that old Miguel would never have had a problem admitting that, but for karate champion Miguel, the taste of it was still a bit bitter on his tongue. He was still going to have to work on that.

All of a sudden Keene’s eyes caught sight of something coming up from the side street and his posture immediately changed. The easy air that had come about him immediately dissipated. His brows narrowed and his shoulders became tense.

“Get out of here, guys,” he said to Miguel and Aisha.

Miguel followed his line of sight and saw a group of guys whose faces he couldn’t make out coming out of the side street, headed towards where they were standing almost in the middle of the empty road.

“Everything okay?” asked Aisha when her eyes too followed where Miguel and Keene’s were looking.

“Yeah,” said Keene in a clipped tone. “Just go home, this doesn’t concern you guys.”

From afar Miguel could hear one of the guys saying the name Robby in a teasing, sing-song voice. He felt Aisha’s grip tighten on his shoulder, gently pulling him back from where they were standing. Keene had turned away from them, facing the direction the group were coming from, his hands balled into a tight fist and his eyes narrowed.

“Come on, Miguel. You heard what he said,” said Aisha.

Miguel let himself be dragged back without taking his eyes away from Keene and glancing over at the menacing group closing in on him.

Keene wasn’t his friend. He didn’t even like the guy all that much – or at all. But looking at his back becoming smaller the further away he got, Miguel couldn’t help the odd clenching feeling in the pit of his stomach, like he knew something bad was about to happen.

Tbc.

[crossxskulled]

[ Nevermore ]: YOU! Why didn't you say anything about it being your birthday? You have some nerve! Argh! If Lev wasn't at this lame naturey, no-tech camp this week, I'm sure you would be hearing a bit from her too. FFF anyway, I've had enough of these troglodytes in my stream chat, so I'm heading over to Ogikubo for some well-earned non-instant ramen right now. I suppose if you come I'll pay for your bowls as a present despite you being totally lame by not telling us your bday.

☠

To say that today has been busy would be an understatement. His feet hadn’t known a moment of rest and truthfully shoving any potential exhaustion to the side has never felt better. Prim and proper was seemingly thrown out the window as people today were even rivaling his level of energy in order to make sure that smile stayed on his face. Gratitude, appreciation, thankfulness, a multitude of position emotions brimmed strong with Shujin’s problem student.’ By the time his phone bring to buzz as another message if tacked on, not one person was being left on read today as he fished his phone out his pocket.

“Hmm, wonder who this could be..” To his surprise, it was from a certain someone hadn’t expected in the least. (Not that he remembers that he tacked his birthday up onto his profile for whoever had his number.) As always that anticipation for this wild card of a im’er brimmed within his gut while he tapped the box open. To his surprise it was a message that held some passion! Call it weird, call it strange, but he’s been able to put her voice to these messages. All after a view stream viewings too!

It was always littered with !’s and ?’s and had a way to either annoy the ever living hell out of him or make him heartfelt and at others laugh out loud. An amused snort eased from him as he begins to type in return.

”Definitely must be that heat gettin’ to her too. Let’ssss see!”

[Txt]: How did ya even find out from the get go!? Did you put those secret agent skills of yours to some wicked use!?

[Txt]: All the same the fact ya took the time to discover. Heh heh! C’mon you’re making a guy feel special as hell here in that case! It just ain’t me to go and make people feel like they have to do something for me y’know!

[Txt]: Or maybe you were getting super hyped at the idea? For a present, I want you to tell me yours and Lev’s! Definitely not because I wanna celebrate those too!

[Txt]: Anyways I’m feeling pretty hungry myself after the run around today! I think some Ogikubo’s would be good as hell right about now.

[Txt]: I’d say it would be a hell of a surprise to go and see you there.

With that said? He’s already back out the door from the comfy confines of his home. It was high damn time he bumped heads with her face to face.

[masieofthevalley]

All I Really Want is You (Spideypool) - Chapter Twelve

Find the Masterlist for this fic here! Read this fic on AO3! Check out my Ko-Fi if you would like a commission!

Summary: “Who are you, the big bad wolf?” She snarked. She mentally congratulated herself that her voice hadn’t betrayed the fluttering in her gut.

“Why don’t you come a little closer and find out?”

Peter Parker is an exhausted and overworked student in her senior year of college. Sleep-deprived and running on coffee and fumes, Peter really just wants to get through this semester. On a rare coffee run to ensure that she doesn't fall asleep on patrol or in her textbooks again, she quite literally stumbles upon Deadpool. Try as she might, she just can't stay away from him, and along the way, she finds herself in the middle of a nefarious plot between HYDRA and S.H.I.E.L.D.

A/N: Hello, everyone! Today’s chapter is Chapter Twelve: Absolutely Smitten. This chapter is named after the song Absolutely Smitten by Dodie. 

As always, there is a playlist for this fic, and you can find it on YouTube and Spotify. Spotify won’t play in order unless you have Spotify Premium. You don’t need to listen to it in order, but each chapter has a specific song associated with it. There is also a song associated with the entire fic, which is She Looks So Perfect by 5 Seconds of Summer.

If you liked this chapter, like, share, and reblog, and please leave comments! They make my day, and I will gladly respond. You can also head over to my AO3 and comment there, and I will also respond there! Enjoy!

Chapter Twelve: Absolutely Smitten

Chapter Summary: Peter spirals before her date with Wade, and Wade reacts to Peter all dolled up.

Peter was close to having a nervous breakdown. She was splayed out like a starfish on her bedroom floor, and she wanted to scream due to the anxiety bubbling beneath her skin. Scattered around her on the floor was almost every item of clothing she owned, dirty or clean. She had no idea which articles of clothing needed to washing now, but her sensitive nose could probably find out rather quickly what was dirty if she needed to.

 She had been trying to figure out what to wear for the past fifteen minutes. She had taken a long shower, unsuccessfully trying to calm her nerves. When she got back to her bedroom, her previous panic from earlier about what to wear was reignited, hence her lying on the floor. It was already 7:00 PM, and she was supposed to meet Wade at eight. She didn’t have a lot of time to figure out what to wear. 

Peter couldn’t stop thinking that this date was going to go horribly wrong. What if Wade actually thought she was annoying and ended up hating her? He said earlier that he wasn’t good for her. What if he thought she was too good for him? What if this was all just a colossal mistake? Could she even go out on another date? She hadn’t been on a date with anyone since Gwen. Oh, Gwen. Could she do that to Gwen? 

Peter’s freakout was interrupted by the shrill ringing of her regular cell-phone. She flopped her hand around on the floor until she found the phone. She didn’t look at the screen as she answered it; she knew where the accept button was by now. Peter brought the phone up to her ear and licked her lips. 

“Hello?” she asked, her voice too loud. 

“Peter! How are you, Honey?” Aunt May’s voice was a soothing balm. Peter sighed. 

“Hi, May.” 

“It’s good to hear from you, Sweetheart! Now, do you remember my friend Jamie?” Peter was too distracted to think about why May was suddenly diving into a different subject, so she just went along with it. 

“Yeah, I remember, May.” Peter hoped her voice didn’t sound too weird. She didn’t want her aunt to worry. 

“Well, a few days ago, I was sitting at the front desk right…” 

Aunt May managed to distract Peter for about ten minutes with talk of her hospital and Jamie. Apparently, the other nurse had asked out May, and they were going to get dinner next week. Peter didn’t know how she expected to feel after hearing the news. She didn’t have any ill feelings toward Jamie or toward Aunt May, for that matter; she was just happy for the two women. Aunt May deserved to find someone who loved her just as Uncle Ben did, and Peter was glad that May was finally moving forward. 

Toward the end of their call, Peter looked at the time and realized that she needed to start getting ready if she was going to meet Wade. She told May she needed to go, but she hesitated before speaking again. 

“May?” Peter asked, running her hand through her hair. 

“Hmm?” May hummed, and Peter pictured them sitting together at the older woman’s kitchen table, something they had done hundreds of times over the years. 

“Hypothetically, if I was going out with someone tonight, what should I wear?” Peter’s voice was small as she finished her question. 

“I would say,” May began, sounding like she was trying to imagine all of the shirts in Peter’s closet. “You should wear one of your nicer tee-shirts with that floral button-up you have. Oh, and a pair of jeans.” 

“Thanks, May,” Peter sighed in relief, a small smile on her face. “Okay, I’ll talk to you later.”

“I love you, Honey. Be safe,” May slipped in, and Peter rolled her eyes. 

“Love you too. Bye.” 

“Bye, Peter.” 

Peter put her phone back down on the floor and stared up at the ceiling. She gave herself a few more minutes to think before she stood up and stretched, cracking her back. It didn’t take long to find the floral print shirt that May was talking about, and Peter quickly threw on a pair of jeans that she thought were clean. The tee-shirt she chose was 70’s inspired, with the words, “You axolotl questions,” printed on it along with a picture of an axolotl. It was one of Peter’s favorite shirts, even though it wasn’t exactly nerdy or Science-based in general. Peter turned to look in her small mirror as she buttoned her top half-way. Her button-up was a light-pink color with tiny blue and purple flowers, and the ruffled, short-sleeves complimented her arms quite nicely. She loved how her legs looked in her skinny-jeans, though she had to roll them up twice at the bottom. Finally, she slipped on her sneakers and pulled on her brown jacket, debating on whether or not to add her one beanie to her outfit. Instead of putting it on her head, Peter tucked it into her coat. She looked at herself one more time in the mirror before turning and leaving her apartment. 

Peter was thankful for the ride to Sister Margaret’s. She still wasn’t 100% calm, and skating in the cold October air gave her air to breathe. It also gave her time to look at all of the Halloween decorations in the windows of the shops she passed, and Peter reminded herself that she needed to buy candy the next day. Halloween was the day after tomorrow, and even though there were only a few kids in Peter’s apartment building, she still wanted to have candy for them. 

Peter slowed as she approached Sister Margaret’s. Someone was leaning against the wall outside the bar, and Peter skidded to a stop. Peter grabbed her board and walked closer to the bar, watching as the person slowly pushed off the building. She was close enough now that she could make out black and red leather. It was Wade. 

“Baby Girl!” he cried, waving both of his hands over his head. Peter sighed through a smile and pointedly waved one time. She had the urge to flash Wade peace signs or finger guns, but she resisted. Barely. 

“Hi,” Peter said lamely, rubbing the back of her neck with her free hand. She was standing directly in front of Wade now, and as she looked up at his face, she felt her cheeks warm from the direct attention he was giving her. She didn’t know if she was disappointed that he was in his regular Deadpool attire or if she was relieved that he wasn’t in something more serious. Maybe he was worried that she wouldn’t recognize him without his suit? Peter didn’t know, but there were bigger fish to fry. 

Like the look that was on Wade’s face. His mouth was open beneath his mask, and his eye lenses were the widest she’d ever seen them. He looked genuinely astounded as he continued to stare at her, and Peter started to worry that there was something wrong with her appearance. She hadn’t worn her suit beneath her clothes, right? No, her suit was at home in her backpack. Was there a bloodstain on her shirt? She didn’t think there was, but she looked down just to double-check. One could never be too sure when they were a crime-fighting vigilante. 

“What?” Peter eventually snapped, mildly irritated with Wade’s staring. Wade immediately snapped out of his trance and shook his head. 

“You look very nice, absolutely lovely, little Cottontail,” Wade finally spoke, and Peter furrowed her brow. He wasn’t trying to flirt with her or embarrass her. It was out-of-character based on the few interactions Peter had had with him previously. 

“Um, thank you,” Peter muttered, nervously running her free hand through her hair. He thought she was pretty? “You look nice too….Wade.” 

“Well, shucks, Bambi, don’t flatter me, it’ll just go to my head!” Wade giggled, and Peter relaxed. There he was. 

“I’m serious, though. You’re stunning, Peter,” Wade murmured, stepping forward as Peter took one equal step back. They continued this dance until Peter’s back was flush with the concrete wall behind her. Well, fuck. 

“Yeah?” Peter was breathless, her thoughts spinning around and around in her head as Deadpool crowded in on her. She couldn’t have tried to formulate a coherent sentence if she tried. Her legs began to buckle, and she was grateful for the wall behind her. Her limbs, her very insides, had turned to jelly by Wade’s mere presence. 

“Yeah, Sweetheart.” Wade leaned one of his arms against the wall, pressing himself even closer to Peter. Though they were separated by mere inches, she could feel his body heat. He smelled like leather, gunpowder, and strangely enough, gingerbread. 

It was intoxicating. 

Wade leaned in closer, his hand tipping Peter’s chin up until she was looking directly into the eye lenses of his mask. Peter’s face was on fire. She wanted to rip his mask off and peer into his soul. She wanted to see if he had freckles on his face, and if she did, she wanted to kiss every single one of them. She wanted to feel his body pressed against hers, feel the heat of his palms on her bare skin. Wade’s hand cradled her face, and Peter leaned into it. She tilted her chin even more and rose up on her tiptoes, trying to get closer. She wanted to kiss him - 

“Let’s get this show on the road, Shortstack! Time to get some Italian! Oh shit, I didn’t even ask if you liked Italian!” Suddenly, Wade was five feet apart from Peter and blubbering out some nonsense that Peter could barely keep up with. 

“What?” Peter asked, mind reeling from the abrupt change in atmosphere. 

“Do you like Italian food, Bambi? Please tell me you like Italian!” Wade pleaded, his hands raised in a praying gesture. Peter was getting whiplash. “Shit, I knew I should’ve gone with Mexican. Everyone likes Mexican!” 

“Yes, yes, I like Italian!” Peter huffed, grabbing onto one of Wade’s flailing arms. Wade squawked before relaxing. Peter peered up at him, raising an eyebrow at the weird look on Wade’s face. 

“Stop looking at me like that! Let’s just go!” Peter demanded and made to take her hand off of Wade’s arm. As soon as Peter let go of him, Wade grabbed her hand in his own and laced their fingers. Peter looked down at their entwined hands before looking back up at Wade.

“This okay?” he asked quietly. Peter’s jaw went slack at the raw concern and anxiety present in Wade’s tone, and she nodded, unsure of what to say. 

“Let’s go, Honey Bunches of Oats!” 

“Don’t call me that ever again.” 

“Okay, whatever you say, Honey Nut Cheerios.” 

“No, absolutely not!” 

“Oh, don’t be such a Frosted Flake!” 

“WADE!”

[limpblotter]

For the stolen century promt thing: could you maybe write some all around team friendship for the Beach Year TM? (Maybe some blupjeans if you feel like it)

“LUP!” Magnus cried out as she pointed a finger and blasteda fish clean out the water. The fried fish skipped over the surface like askipping stone out of sight as Lup fisted the air in victory. Magnus defeatedlyheld his fishing rod and sighed, there was a slight smile to hisdisappointment. “When I said Merle and Davenport were going to take theStarblaster around the water so we can fish, I meant actually fish.”

“Fishin’ is lame as heck, Maggie.” Lup rolled her eyes abit. “Taako likes that whole, zone out and fish thing me? I fuckin’ fallasleep.” She leaned over the bearing of the silver ship that for the moment wasnot floating in the air but floating softly over the smooth ocean waters. Fromwhere they were Lup could see two figures along the shorelines. One she knew tobe her twin brother, as he stuck his “surf board” into the sand and the otherwas a shorter, stockier man.

Lup fell silent watching as her brother took the shorter man’shand and gently walked him into the water. Soft pangs of nerves began to coildeep in her gut and she felt…something that she didn’t like very much. She hadall but clutched the railing of the boat, almost stopping herself from lurchingforward when Magnus yelped. “Lup…” He muttered, as she turned she found he wastangled in the fishing line like some sort of childlike cartoon figure.

“Oh.” She blinked then walked around the large man, findingwhere the hook had caught and worked to set him free.

“…” Magnus looked over his shoulder at her and frowned, “you..uh…ok?”

“Uh, yeah I’m not the one caught on a fucking fishing linelike the catch of the day, babe.”

“I mean…usually this would have made you laugh and…” Heflinched as something hot barely touched his skin and the line fell off him. Helooked down and saw she had burned a line through his binds and started to walkaway. “Lup wait don’t you wanna shoot more fish?” Magnus held up his fingers inthe shape of a gun but Lup was already on the move.

She was fine, she insisted on telling herself and everyoneelse around her that. She was fine. She went around the corner and spottedMerle standing around with a fishing line. “Hey Daddio-“ she called outaffectionately, as she walked fully around the corner she found Merle wasthere. One hand on his fishing rod the other softly holding Davenport as theyspoke in soft, intimate whispers. “…nevermind” she muttered to herself making aquick dash into the ship. “I need a drink.”

Down the stairs going into the kitchen on board, Lup rarelywalked in there without Taako. She eyed the pristine kitchen and almost felt …annoyed?She went to open the fridge and noticed there was some jello was being madewith a note that read “do not drink, jello”.

“Tch, I’ll drink what I want, Taaaako” She grabbed the punchbowl of jello mockingly. She wasn’t sure why she was annoyed but now she was ona mission to drink this liquid before it solidified and see what would happenif her brother found his dessert consumed against his orders. Lup closed therefrigerator door with her foot and held the bowl up with both arms as sheturned and nearly dropped it all on the ground.

“Isn’t that jello?” Lucretia muttered. Somehow withoutmaking a sound Lucretia had also wandered into the kitchen and sat herself onthe counter, both books opened and both ands writing in each one. She didn’tlook up at Lup as she scribbled diligently. “Shouldn’t you wait for it to takeshape first?”

“Jesus Christ, Lucretia…” she took a moment to steady herheartbeat. “Shouldn’t you not be lurking around like some creep.”

Lucretia kept writing, “that was relatively mean.”

“Well I’m not nice.” Lup sneered a bit, “…sorry…” sheimmediately added feeling bad within seconds of having her attitude leave hermouth. “I’m just a bit on edge.”

The scribbling stopped for a moment. Lucretia rarely stoppedwriting, to the point there was a joke floating around that Lucretia wrote inher sleep. So when the books closed and the quills paused, Lup had all eyes onLucretia. She had even placed the bowl of jello down on the table. “Is itbecause Barry and Taako didn’t join us for a fishing trip?”

Yes.

“Nah, they do what they want.” Lup lied with some ease,though without her more scheming half her lie felt flimsy. The footing andassisting her deception usually had been faltering. “Just, Taako loves fishing.I find it a little weird he’d skip out on a chance to catch something he canturn into dinner later.”

Lucretia watched as other woman’s eyes slowly gazed downwardbefore speaking. “I suppose, Barry’s swimming lessons are taking up time.” Lup’sears twitched.

“What?”

Lucretia had reopened her books now, “Barry asked Taako toteach him how to swim after you and Magnus tried to see who could swim thefarthest in open water…before Davenport fished you out so no one would drownand die in the middle of the cycle.”

“Heh…yeah…wait…so Taako is teaching Barry how to swim?” Shesmiled a bit, “Why didn’t he tell anyone?”

“Most likely embarrassed, the most logical conclusion was heasked someone he doesn’t care to be ‘lame’ around…in comparison of askingsomeone he wants to be cool around.”

Lucretia’s lips slowly turned to a smile as Lup giggled abit. “What a lameass…” She whispered then felt all the pangs of emotion ease abit. “…I’m just gonna…”

“I’m sure if you put the jello back now it should be readywhen Taako wants it to be.”

“Thanks babe,” Lup quickly placed the jello back, turning itso it faced the same way. “You know, I’m thinking of letting Capnport and Merleeach me to fish you should join us up top.”

“I shouldn’t—“ She yelped in mid-sentence as Lup’s handsgrabbed her from under her arms and pulled her off the counter. “Lup, wait!”

“Uh-huh you need some of that vitamin D, Lucretia.” Shesmiled wickedly as she pulled Lucretia out to the deck of the boat. The sun wasbeaming down on them and Lucretia was instantly squinting. “See not bad!”

“LUP! MERLE! CAPN’PORT” Magnus cried as he ran around theboat towards them all. “I CAUGHT ONE, I CAUGHT ONE” The large man held up aline where a four pound fish, delicately hung limply.

Lup gave him one sounded clap as Merle and Davenport workedsome shaky compliments, being careful not to laugh at the sheer size of Magnus’sfish. “When do we tell him that fish is actually quite small?” Lucretiawhispered.

“We don’t.” Lup replied softly, “he works best with positivitythan criticism.”

“TAAKO! BARRY!” Magnus yelled from the boat, “LOOK I CAUGHTTONIGHT’S DINNER.”

Barry looked up from his swimming session with Taako andcalled back out, “Magnus that isn’t big enough to even feed-OW” he grunted as astray, elven hand slapped him over the mouth.

“That’s one uh-uh nice lookin’ fish Mango. I can make somesweet fish sticks with that, my man.”

[vaultenhanced]

YUGI-OH: THE ABRIDGED SERIES EP. 51-55 STARTERS.

EP. 51

you’re gonna die, [ muse name ]! i’m always the annoying douchebag! suddenly i miss being blind. open me! that didn’t sound like no pony. but, [ muse name ], free pony ride! we can’t ride him, what a rip! wait, will we have kung-fu grip? i reconsidered. in my defense, i thought you were permanently blind. are you blind now? this is the most disappointing three-way i’ve ever been a part of. i get to die the way i’ve always wanted.  falling, screaming like a girl into a pit of boiling hot lava; flesh being seared from my bones… augh, i’m gonna throw up.  but it will still be very sexy somehow. i mean emotionally, not physically. and the bad news? i’d still hit it. i’m not a human!  i’m a penguin. mmmm, tentacle porn! what a digital dummy! theme song battle, go! right in my sweet ass! try bringing sexy back now, human! you’ll have to confuse it to death! ‘fraid so, metal man. yeah, we can never forget my sweet ass…

EP. 52

remember what happened with the scissors?! just look at his hair: it’s so pointy! well, that was highly improbable. now i’m the guy kicking your ass with a stick. [ muse name ], you just shoved him through a building. are you on steroids?  if so, can i have some? aw, come on!  i just got this bike! EAT IT, NERDS! it’s a good thing i’m [ muse name ], or that might’ve actually hurt me. what the hell is this thing? SHUT UP, ROBOT MONKEY! oh, look.  another person i’m supposed to care about. lemme guess, you’re one of [ muse name ]’s seven evil ex-boyfriends? and that’s AMERICALONOVANIA! i think i might have some week-old donuts in the fridge. AWESOME!  now THIS is a kidnapping! but my deck; it’s almost completely FILLED with internet jokes and references! BEST.  KIDNAPPING.  EVER. guys, i hate this song! god, i hate cute. I NEVER LOSE! too late for that. BE AN ASSHOLE. what am i supposed to do with this? only then will you earn a place in the club of corporate scumbags. you mean like disney? gimme the money. [ muse name ], you don’t have any shares. of course not, you’re like FIVE. my first order of business?  build the ultimate theme park. yeah, okay, i’m an asshole.  what’s your point? now it’s the internet’s job. KITTEH FACE! DUH!  WINNING! [ muse name ] took me on a pizza…

EP. 53

you’ve been acting way more horny than usual. it’s a long story that involves the name ‘steve’. i’m not really used to being inside women.  i don’t think i like it very much. wait, why does my mouth taste like fish?! hello, insert name of sibling. i have been programed to tell you that i do not love you anymore. just pretend we’re siamese twins. i hope you like sing-a-longs! hate so intense, makes me run faster! this time it was only halfway intentional. i still prefer this to the sing-a-long. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOING! now he’s sensing danger in my cleavage! WHY ARE THESE THE ONLY WORDS I KNOW?! me woman, me dumb. I’M RICH! can it with the phineas and ferb jokes. this is about donuts? [ muse name ], you’re ruining the metaphor. spongepants squarebob, he’s a friendly little guy! apply the handbrake, ya moron! i look like i’m ten… I HAVE NO SON! SWAB IT, I SAY! hello, pot.  my name is kettle.  i’m black. FRIENDSHIP PILEDRIVER! THIS DOOR IS A BITCH!

EP. 54

but then i took a card game to the motorcycle. shipping forta? god, i hope not. this one isn’t drooling all over your sister. are we SURE that’s not the actual [ muse name ]? that makes waaaay to much sense. why don’t any of you want my body?! i want your body. WHY ARE THERE SO MANY STAIRS?! that’s my worthless friend you’re talking about! am i right? just isn’t the same when he’s not here. TUBULAR IDEA, PHARAOH! you’re going to get us to like you? i hated my brother! nyaaaaah!  brooklyn rage! HOW VERY UNTIMELY! did i just watch a snuff film? OH MY GOD, WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY FACE?! this has never happened before, what the frigg? and i don’t know if you haven’t noticed this, but i am damn handsome man. pigs don’t speak latin! [ muse name ], you’re japanese.  you’re supposed to be speaking english. i don’t read crap. it’s funny because she’s a woman. THAT’S CRAZY! TELL ME! so why aren’t you naked?! fetch me a better one!

EP. 55

NOW, WHERE’S MY MILLIONS OF DOLLARS?! ‘what a load of wankers,’ said thomas. i forgot how entertaining the ‘it’s a small world compared to my ego’ ride was. it’s time to yaba-daba-duel. try doing the opposite of THAT. i’ll even use YOUR lame-ass deck. the wet pants? how the hell is that ordinary? what, do you guys not have those? and, MAN, he had guts. and THAT’S why it’s so funny. because there was a dead kid lying in the middle. can you guess who i am?  I’M JESUS. the big mean ceo jerk beat in a card game! wah. oh my god, what’s wrong with his face?! what the hell is wrong with everyone’s face?! that is MESSED UP. shut up, [ muse name ].  mommy and daddy are talking. blah, blah, blah…  i’m a crappy dueler. there’s only so much weird touching i can take. yeah, but i’m still the king, BITCH. it’s the puppy apocalypse. it sounds like someone needs a spanking. and i’m the guy who’s gonna be doin’ the spanking. on a scale of one to me, he’s a measly six-and-a-half. i have the weirdest boner right now. i thought that card was banned years ago. i have an urgent hair-sharpening appointment i have to get to. some god you turned out to be. i had no idea that gods still wet the bed. and nothing of value was lost. NO!  NOT THE ROBOT MONKEY! ugh!  manly fainting noises! BEGONE, FOUL BEINGS! only for the purpose of this hallucination. believe me, i’ve looked into it. i’m just here for the food. AND MY AXE! how dare you treat my friends so shamefully! doodalah, mothafucka! and FUCK MY LIFE. and fuck my life hard. your nipples belong to me. make him work for it. if he don’t got the cash, he don’t get the ass. looks like one of us is gonna have to go home and change.