#he's resurrecting dean winchester.
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jensen ackles hasn't posted anything for dean's birthday... feeling a deep sense of dread.
#what's he plotting?#that man loves dean winchester more than his own family there is NO WAY he will let this birthday pass without doing something insane#and the fact that it's taking a while mean's ITS BIG#guys... i think he's finally gonna do it#he's resurrecting dean winchester.#although maybe shutting down tumblr live was his gift to us AND dean#jensen ackles#dean winchester#dean winchester birthday#destiel#supernatural#spn#jackles
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they have to write Cas into some sort of binding situation elsewhere every few episodes because if Cas and Dean got to be in the bunker for more than a week they would have had sex with each other
#cas: oh no... i've fallen into a hole and can't get out.. : /#season 13 post resurrection and he was just sitting in a jail cell for like 4 episodes…#they only have time to watch a few movies#and think sometimes Cas just sits respectfully at the foot of his bed while Dean’s on the computer + talking..#but truly if they had enough uninterrupted time I think…. dr sexy music plays…#dean winchester#castiel#supernatural#deancas
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its so so insane how dean has like. the huge fanbase he does. he is AWFUL!!!! i love him truly but im known for loving awful characters in fandoms im used to characters who act like him being viciously hated!!! and the only explanation i can think of is that hes played by jensen ackles (aka pretty white man). theres the fact that the narrative favours dean a lot when hes not actually right (a la s4) but thats not just it because dean is pretty clear-cut presesnted as getting morally greyer to the point of antihero territory in like s9 (where im at) at least. and Yet. he is unproblematic ally king to all??? supportive brother of the century??? Girl what???? do you know who dean winchester is? he is a controlling possessive clingy manipulative aggressive unstable thirty five year old who cant grow past his own damage and never really will because the narrative is perpetuated by the cycles he keeps perpetuating
#thing is like. the narrative corrupts dean under the guise of heroism and makes him worse and worse while it punishes sam under the guise of#justice and hurts him more and more#its like how their most defining moments of hell trauma respectively is dean torturing others and sam getting tortured#dean is The Good One and sam is The Bad One but the narrative pushes dean so much and makes him so angry he breaks and gets worse#and more 'villainous' (bad word). and the narrative hurts sam so much for the crime of being born the bad son that he just becomes more and#more of a victim. at the start of the show dean is michael and sam is lucifer. thats their destined roles. but by season nine dean is cain#and sam is abel. thats what it comes down to. Augh.#and they need to keep being codependent and resurrecting each other and needing each other forever and ever and getting worse and more#damaged in tandem because thats how the show even exists. meta!#and all this is soo like. because in supernatural the narrative is god. god is the author of their book series. Christ#what a show. its SO good despite not being good at all.#spn#oliver talks#supernatural#dean winchester#sam winchester#spn meta
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Supernatural: hmmm okay so we need a way to show Jack how bad Lucifer is, something really horrible to force him to confess to, something that will make him drop his father forever….hmm, what could we do, what could we do….
Sam, life ruined all for Lucifer, possessed by Lucifer, tortured by him for centuries, multiple attempts on his life by lucifer, loved by jack like a father, main character on the show for 13 seasons, literally in the room when this happens:
Dean: multiple attempts on his life by Lucifer, loved by jack like a father, main character on the show for 13 seasons, literally in the room when this happens:
Castiel: killed by Lucifer multiple times, possessed by Lucifer, loved by jack like a father, main character on the show for 9 seasons, literally in the room when this happens:
Maggie: killed by Lucifer, met jack two episodes ago and barely interacted with him, literally introduced on the show two episodes ago, not in the room when this happens:
Supernatural: yes. Maggie is the one. Maggie is the one who will make Jack see what a monster his father TRULY is. She is such an important character on this show, so important than we will kill her off permanently less than a season later. Her impact is so real.
#supernatural#my shitposts#sam winchester#dean winchester#castiel#lucifer#jack kline#maggie#especially considering yknow#sam is about to be the one to protect Jack from Lucifer in two seconds#and also#has spent this season having an arc of getting revenge against Lucifer#while also raising his son#and also two episodes ago had the same fucking plot as maggie#where he got resurrected as a gift for jack by Lucifer#but noooo we have to waste air time rehashing this again with a character we and jack literally don’t know
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Not a fan of Jack is the New God but big fan of Chuck didn't realize how big of a threat Jack was, "I can't tell whether you're the chicken or the snake" kind of mistake, a mistake that eventually didn't kill him but de-godified him.
Like I'm creating this theory of mine where basically Jack's help in Cas' resurrection meant the creation of an alternate timeline where Cas could resurrect on his own. Where resurrection was a possibility for everybody without deals and unnecessary suffering. In other words, a timeline where the past doesn't stay dead and death is "just" a gate between dimensions. That would explain why Billie was so pissed. Jack messing up Time would have been chef's kiss for me but real trouble for her.
Jack wasn't just able to open rifts but he could actually create new timelines, new stories and therefore new worlds that God didn't want. And we know God didn't want a world with Castiel in it because of Dean's prayer to him which he refused to answer (I've always wondered why Dean didn't try and pray to Amara, she got him Mary back maybe she was more amenable to a second resurrection?).
Given the high number of actual and symbolical resurrections from s11 onwards (S11 starts with Billie's threat: from now on what is dead stays dead) I think that what really ticked Chuck off was when Jack tries to resurrect Mary. The "Mary Winchester is complete" is Heaven's bullshit. Jack also decides that Lucifer cannot resurrect and that meant problem for Chuck. In Jack's world resurrection is a possibility for all but he also plays God with it and I think that got Chuck really scared.
The moment Jack wants a world with no lies that world happens and, as we know, Chuck is a liar. It's the straw that breaks the camel's back: he has to intervene.
It's then no wonder that this is the moment that leads to the revelation that he's the man behind the curtain and, in a fit of rage, he shows off his power by resurrecting all the dead the "wrong" way (zombies, ghosts, demons, etc) and starts erasing other "drafts" aka other stories/worlds. He decides what dies and what stays dead, that is his domain. Because if there's somebody else who can create new worlds where resurrection is an option then it means he has no power nor control in those worlds where new stories can happen and the past is never past.
Of course what I'm saying is far too revolutionary for any TV shows, voluntary resurrection is something our brain doesn't even want to entertain (although they did show us a character doing just that). So in the end Cas dies (and then sort of resurrects again but I wonder in what form and how), Dean dies and chooses not to be resurrected (but it's very much clear he's not complete) and Sam plays along the laws of the natural order so he dies too and he stays that way.
#these thoughts are brought to you by my obsession with jack choosing cas as his father#and then he gave birth to him by waking him up in the empty. cas just had to push#i don't know guys. maybe it's the equinox approaching but i'm havinf thoughts about resurrections and isis and osiris#i'm convinced rowena could have resurrected crowley like jack did. i know it.#billie intervening makes for a cute scene but my girl was lying#more in the following days when perhaps i'll be able to be coherent for once#i believe in miracles#supernatural#spn#castiel#sam winchester#dean winchester#jack kline#chuck shurley#on resurrection
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no but the thing is the thing is orpheus turns and. you’re early. i missed you. he sacrifices his life to save his love and he still dies at 41
#(i do not subscribe to the words of actor man at con. call that a con man. So in my world 15x20 is 6 months later.#[- read that somewhere that it was the time in the first draft/og script? - though ig that would make dean 42 if the show is meant to#vaguely follow rl timeline with the confession happening in nov? who can never be sure. anyway]#he still dies six months later.)#youre telling me dean winchester resurrection guy extraordinaire dies and spends 10 minutes monologuing about how it’s his time#dies for real forever and ever and it’s after cas (to his knowledge) went to angel demon die forever land forever because he sacrificed#himself by loving dean so much venom took him there and these two things are meant to have no connection whatsoever.#[evie posted destiel hadestown today so im obligated to release this one from the drafts]
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#in christian iconography this specific hand position means that the saint endured a lot of tests during their life#fanart#digital illustration#dean winchester#i present to you saint dean winchester#i feel like he would absolutely qualify#any self respecting saint has resurrected at least once#destiel#christian iconography#supernatural#castiel#digital art#art#i genuinely don't remember the last time i felt this proud of something i made
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The way that Jensen is on Tracker like this is my new brother who I drive around in my new old classic Chevrolet and search for new supernatural cases while we look for my new missing dad
#dean winchester will never die#because this man will resurrect him every few years#baby girl you are so ill#tracker cbs#tracker spoilers#i guess?? i haven’t kept up I saw this by chance#is it good?#supernatural#someone check on jared#he’s been replaced to ultimate degrees
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The Winchester brothers? Oh I think you mean Sam Leahy and Dean Singer <3 I think their mom is Mary Campbell-Winchester so maybe that's where you got confused <3
#listen I just think symbolically rejecting the family legacy on the family legacy show where the legacy is perpetuating pain and horror#is interesting#I'm just musing. i think sam would actually do leahy-winchester or winchester-leahy#mr dad did the best he could. he reconciles to him and he's proud of the men of letters thing#dean i think. clean break.#when cas says maybe i should get a surname and dean immediately suggests singer and confesses sometimes he pretended his name was singer#as a kid. just to himself.#and sam pops up and is like. it could be. if you wanted. just saying. i think it'd mean a lot to the old man.#and dean dismisses it but sam catches him writing in his journal:#mr and mr dean singer. mr and mr cas singer. mr dean (cas) singer.#dean mary singer#mrs dean singer ? (that one's crossed out Dean's not ready to crack yet)#and dean never makes an announcement or anything he just starts introducing himself as dean singer and cas as castiel singer#mary i think it's important to her to keep Winchester bc for her Winchester was an escape from HER family legacy of pain and suffering#I think for a while after resurrection she tried saying to other hunters that she's mary Campbell to cash in on the family name#because whenever she said Winchester she was met with suspicion from John alienating himself lmao#or people commenting positively on sam and dean and she was trying to avoid being reminded of and associated with them#but that felt like a betrayal of what her younger self had decided AND a betrayal of John. whom she loved.#even if she finds out that love was engineered and manufactured. it's still something she felt. it's still something#she poured so much of her young life into#and it represents the hope that her sam and dean might be able to work through things#so eventually she says with defiant pride I am Mary Campbell-Winchester. no matter what reaction she might get from other people.
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S4 E19 Supernatural
JOHN GOD DAMN WINCHESTER! Obviously no hate to Adam or his mom, but JOHN MOTHERFUCKIKG WINCHESTER HAD A SIDE FAMILY? And he went to them enough for them to have framed photos of them all together. Where he is on family trips like hiking and a baseball games? 'iT wAs tO pRoTeCt AdAm' and look where that got him! Dead.
Ok on to other things, Dean still losing at rock paper scissors and throwing his hands up when he lost💀. Sam being left alone with 'Adam' and automatically going "HA I get to be the big brother now! Wanna play with guns?". Them giving Adam a hunters burial. Dean saying SAM is more like John then he will ever be, just all of it.
#sam winchester#dean winchester#john winchester#adam milligan#John sucks as a father he either raises them away from hunting which gets them killed or#he raises them to be the perfect hunter which gets them killed resurrected killed resurrected and mega traumatized#supernatural#supernatural s4#batcavescolony watches#batcavescolony watches supernatural#what the time line? they said adam was born in 90? then he was 12 when he met john so 02? so then it like 08 so hes 18? so Adam is 18 Sam i#24 Dean is 28?#idk im not good at math whos got a time line?#spn
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don't know a single thing about the prequel show except that it has my husband tom welling in it but jensen ackles throwing a molotov cocktail at supernatural canon and saying "i do what i want" is soooo funny
#if i understand correctly he has invoked: time travel; jared erasure; retcon; dean resurrection; & recast shenaniganery so far#do NOT tell me a single thing about the winchesters show i DON'T want to know
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the narrative (slash god, because it’s the same thing in spn) hates sam winchester and it loves dean winchester and both of these are equally damaging to their lives. in this essay, i will
#no but like. Do you get it#sam is punished for things he’s objectively correct about and framed in the wrong. everyone keeps telling him he’s evil and wrong and#sometimes they’re proven right. his ‘ending’ (as of s5 ending) is that of a tragic hero he has to die. (but he doesnt and is instead#resurrected next season to be used as a villain - i assume - i haven’t watched s6 yet but i know abt soulless sam and stuff -#meanwhile dean isn’t allowed to die ever he’s literally gods favourite sacrificial lamb and solider he suffers again and again because the#narrative loves him it dwells on him even as it tortures him it paints him as the hero just as it paints sam as the villain michael and#lucifer for real…..#spn#oliver talks#sam winchester#dean winchester
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Well... let's not forget how Chuck says it:
we are not talking enough about when dean asks "where's cas?" in camp chitaqua, chuck says "he's not going anywhere" and i know they intended to say that he's so high and barely an angel that he can't go anywhere but it inplies that cas would rather rot and decay than leaving dean's side, however ugly and nasty it gets
#that little smile#not really looking Dean in the eyes#let's not forget Chuck had resurrected Castiel after going off-the-script by the end of season 4#under Dean's bad baaaad influence#Chuck's here for the show and wants to know where it leads/how it ends#and so far Cas hasn't prevented yet the Winchesters from killing one another#therefore Chuck is still excited and all in#but he knows-he KNOWS-there's something between cas and dean#some kind of profond bound or whatever#it's written in his eyes#destiel#subtext#spn 5x04#the end
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❝call me, beep me❞
pairing. sam winchester x fem!reader note. first fic on this account whaaaat. also my first time writing for spn... you guys don't understand how normal i am about this man. hope you enjoy! rbs/feedback is highly appreciated!! tags. nsfw, mdni. season one!sam. no use of y/n. improper use of dean's car. masturbation. phone sex. dirty talk. soft dom!sam. praise kink. needy sam. established relationship. 1.5k words.
Sam is losing his goddamn mind.
He isn’t used to being away from you for this long. The two of you had been living together for months when Dean showed up to the apartment just off campus, and even before you moved in together Sam had spent most of his free time in your dorm room. Sam had no intentions of following after his brother — he was perfectly content here at Stanford. With you.
But then Dean had mentioned their dad, and he could hardly refuse. He thought it would be a quick job. He had every intention of making it back to college for his interview, but he missed it. This is exactly what he came to Stanford to get away from — the constant nights on the road. Moving city to city hunting monsters. The shitty motel rooms.
He’d found an escape with you. A refuge. Without it, he felt like he was going crazy. He’d give anything just to be able to be close to you again. To kiss you and feel your body against his. Sam misses you. Probably to an unhealthy extent. He spends most nights thinking about you, calling you or shooting a text whenever he has the spare time.
It isn’t enough. Being stuck rooming with Dean again is starting to grate on Sam’s nerves. He’s pent up and frustrated, and it’s starting to affect his concentration. If he ends up dying on a hunt because he hasn’t been able to jack off, he thinks the embarrassment will resurrect him just so he can die all over again.
Basically, what he’s trying to say is it isn’t exactly his proudest moment as he waits for Dean to fall asleep before stealing the keys to his Impala. His brother would absolutely kill him if he knew what he was about to do to his baby, but Sam can’t say he particularly cares at this moment.
The cold, late night air bites at his skin as he sneaks out of the motel room, unlocking the car before settling in the passenger seat. His eyes nervously examine the parking lot three times over to make sure no one’s around before he shuts the door, dialling your number. He bites anxiously at his fingernails as he listens to the phone ring out, a shaky exhale leaving him when you finally answer.
“Hey, baby. Sorry it’s late. I didn’t wake you, right?” Sam breathes down the receiver, letting his head fall back against the leather seat.
“Mhm, yeah. S’okay.” You respond sleepily, a soft yawn reaching his ears. He can’t help but smile at the sound. God, he misses you so bad it hurts.
“Sorry, honey, sorry. I just missed you, y’know. Needed to hear you.” He murmurs, his hand sliding down his torso slowly before he reaches the front of his jeans. He gives his half-hard cock a squeeze. God, he was already so needy just from thinking about you in the motel room. He supposes he should feel guilty for waking you just to get off, but with the way his blood is rushing from his head downwards, he can hardly think at all.
“Yeah, well. I miss you, too. You were meant to be back last week.” You huff. Fuck Sam can practically hear the pout in your voice. Imagining your lips is really not helping. His dick twitches uselessly against his pants, and he’s unable to suppress the soft whine that builds in his throat.
“I know, sweetheart. I know. Gonna be coming back to you as soon as everything gets wrapped up here. I promise, baby.” He lets out a shaky sigh, lashes fluttering as he props his phone between his shoulder and his cheek. “Can you do something for me?”
“Yeah, ‘course. What’s up?”
“Been thinking about you non-stop, sweet girl. ‘M so hard for you,” Sam hears the sharp intake of breath you take in from his words, which is enough incentive for him to continue. He manages to fumble with his jeans enough to get them unzipped and halfway down his thighs along with his boxers, one hand palming his aching cock as his free hand comes up to hold his phone again. “Want you to touch yourself, baby. Gotta hear you.”
“Sammy,” you breathe, voice low and airy as it reaches his ears. Fuck, he usually hates it when people call him that, but he’s convinced its going to be replaying in his mind on a loop for the foreseeable future. There’s a shuffling of fabric down the line, and then a shaky moan as he assumes your hand slides between your thighs.
“That’s it, good girl.” Sam purrs, long fingers wrapping around his length as a soft groan spills past his lips. His hips twitch, rocking desperately into the tight grip as he starts to stroke himself slowly. “Come on, baby. Talk to me. How’s it feel?”
“Good,” you reply instantly, the slick sounds of your fingers delving into your cunt barely audible in the background. Fuck, he wishes he was there. He can imagine you laid out all pretty for him on the bed, legs spread with your pretty pussy bared for him. He’s going to ruin you when he sees you next. “Feels so good, baby.”
“Mhm, sounds like it.” He murmurs, his thumb swirling over his tip to spread the steadily leaking pre-cum, slicking him up with each shallow pump of his fist. “Bet it’d be even better with me there, huh? I’d make you feel so fucking good, honey. I’d lick you out until you were begging for me… fuuuck, you’d make the prettiest sounds.”
Sam moans, face scrunching up with pleasure as he fucks into his fist faster, tightening his grip around his cock. “Eat that sweet little cunt out until you creamed all over my tongue, get you nice ‘n ready for me. Would you like that, baby?”
“Yeah. Fuck, oh my God. Yeah, Sam.”
“Yeah? Fuck, baby. Gonna come back to you soon, promise.” He says with a shaky gasp, pumping his hand steadily until he’s dripping pre-cum like a faucet. He can’t remember the last time he was this needy. “Gonna press you into the mattress, fuck into you so deep you feel it for weeks. Won’t even let you forget how I feel when I’m halfway across the city; gonna mould that pretty pussy into the shape of my dick so all you can think about is me.”
Sam doesn’t even know where the words are coming from. He’s all but whimpering into the phone as his orgasm draws near, the muscles of his abdomen pulled taut as his hips rut desperately into his tight grip. The sounds of your soft whines and moans from the phone speaker are driving him crazy, the slick sounds of him fucking his fist filling the car.
“Cum for me, baby. Please. Need to hear it.” He gasps out, thighs twitching and tensing uncontrollably as he attempts to hold on. He hears a sharp grasp from the other side of the phone, then a low, obscene moan of his name. The sound of you reaching your peak has him spilling over his hand, a ragged gasp escaping him as he continues to rock his hips through the aftershocks.
“Fuck.” He chokes out, slumping against the seat as his grip around his cock loosens. He lets his hand fall to his thigh, cringing briefly at the feeling of his cum staining his skin. He listens to your heavy breaths for a moment, swallowing as he tries to collect his thoughts.
“You alright, sweetheart?” Sam says softly, absentmindedly wiping the mess coating his hands on the fabric of his jeans. Cleaning that would be a problem for future Sam.
“Yeah. Yeah, ‘m good.” You reply shakily, and he smiles at the confirmation.
“Good. That’s… good.” He hums softly, letting his eyes shut momentarily. “Meant it, baby. Gonna come see you soon, no matter how this… Dad thing goes.”
“You better.” Comes your soft reply, and Sam can;t help the breathless little laugh that escapes him.
“Yeah, I promise. I’ll be back soon.” He says gently, eyes flicking open again to glance out of the car window. “I should probably go back up to the room. Dean will probably kill me if he catches me like this in his car.”
It’s your turn to laugh, the sound sending a warm, pleasant flutter through Sam’s chest. “Alright. See you around, Sam. Love you.”
“Yeah, baby. Love you, too.” Sam disconnects the phone, quickly tucking himself back into his jeans. He sneaks back into the hotel room, collapsing on his bed with a soft groan.
His eyes shut, and he finally gets a good night’s rest, thoughts of you lingering in his mind.
#sam winchester smut#sam winchester#sam winchester x reader#sam winchester x you#sam winchester x y/n#supernatural smut#supernatural
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I feel dumb asking but—is your S16 Cas still an angel or no?
Yes and no? I have reasons for both
Castiel being an angel still would make sense especially given Jack resurrecting him, and Cas helping rebuild heaven as an open world server. I always HCed that Jack made Castiel into a somewhat of a new generation Archangel under his design. Plus, Cas deserves his powers back after everything he's gone through, he probably still hates peeing
On the other hand, the idea that Cas chooses to relinquish his grace so that he can grow old with Dean is also something I thought of. Through the series I liked seeing Cas grow old and evolve, I would think he would like to have the full human experience with Dean
SO for my AU, I thought "I why not both?" so here's the story:
After Jack brings Cas back from the empty and asks for his guidance for heaven, Jack notices Castiel's longing as he stared down into earth, watching the Winchesters. Castiel's confession of love has made him hesitant to go down and see his friends again. He feels awkward and guilty and generally just hopes to wait until the Winchesters grow old to see all the work him and Jack have done
Jack, however, refuses to let his father wait another eternity before he gets his happy ending too. With heaven basically on autopilot, he thinks him and Cas are deserving of a break to enjoy humanity as it is
So, he basically shoots Castiel back down to earth the same place him and Dean first met, the warded barn. Where Dean was currently waiting, having heard Jack's prayer to go to that location for something important.
Castial comes in but there's no flashing lights, just a faint heavenly glow that lets Cas know he has enough grace to use his wings and fly back to heaven whenever he wishes. But he's not a full angel anymore. He can grow old, he can get tired and hungry, and he can feel his heart beating louder and louder as Dean rushes at him from across the barn, and pulls him into a bone crushing hug
And that little bit of grace is enough for him to still see Dean's soul, the same one he fell in love with
----
but that's my version of events. Honestly people can make their own interpretations!
I'm interested in what people think!
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In The Lonely Shadows (2/2) Dean W.
Summary: Crowely's always there to help convince you everything's going to be okay after Dean leaves with Lisa & Ben.
the first part of this was requested by my beloved wife @midnight-moonlight-and-mars sometime back in March.
Request: I've got a Crowley request! It can be platonic or romantic. It takes place the year Sam is resurrected and dean is living with Lisa. The reader was close with the Winchesters but after the fight with Lucifer dean abandoned the reader to be with Lisa and cas never answers ( unrequited love maybe?) so the reader teams up with Crowley and becomes like a bounty hunter for him for Lucifer loyalists.
A/N: It's technically not Crowley x reader since she's pining for Dean. Oops, but I hope you enjoy this all the same, my love.
A/N #2: people were rabid about asking me for a part two. So please, enjoy!
WC: 1.7K
Warnings: mentions of loneliness, and blood, the reader feels abandoned and unloved, crowley’s nice, dean returns. sassy & protective crowley
[READ PART ONE HERE]
Read on Ao3!
--
Dean watched as your chest heaved up and down with every breath you took. The wind was howling outside, with rain pouring down. He was only partially soaked, having run for cover under teh pitiful awning above your hotel door. A suitcase was tucked into one hand and a backpack filled with supplies slung over the shoulder. He'd wanted to say goodbye before he left. But he couldn't. He was a coward, after all. He'd had a few visits from Castiel and Crowley, neither of them saying a word about you.
Though, he asked. He hasn’t spoken a word about Sam, either. The horror of watching Sam fall into the pits of Hell with Adam devastated him. So he ran away. He ran away to the person who would get him away from the hunter’s life, Lisa and Ben. He played pretend for as long as he possibly could.
Until he couldn’t keep up with the facade anymore. All he did was think about you, and the life the pair of you could have had. He’d find himself hovering over your name in his cellphone but never pressing the call button. Oftentimes, he’s stay up late at night, while Lisa laid peacefully next to him sleeping. He knew he couldn’t lie to her forever about what - or who - truly had his heart.
Oftentimes, when he dreamed, it was about you, your face and your hands wrapped tightly in his as you started behind him on hunts. Thats what he loved about you the most, how much you trusted him to protect you.
So months after he departed, he located you in this dingy motel, where rodents and garbage littered the parking lot, and a few street lamps flickered dangerously in this damned storm. He’d gotten a replacement key to your room, claiming to the sketchy old man at the kiosk that he was your husband and you didn’t leave the key outside for him. So, on the threshold of the hotel room is where he stood, his fight or flight response kicking in the moment he laid eyes on you again.
He hadn’t seen you in months, far too long. But not long enough to forget the way your cheeks puffed out while you were embarrassed or the way your hair always fell into your face when you’d laugh at his stupid jokes. He couldn’t forget the way you would shuffle into his warmth at night, either.
God, did he miss the way you infected all of his clothing with your perfumes.
He hesitantly stepped into the room, only to stop midway through in almost a panic. What if you moved on? What if you didn’t want to see him? What if you shot him? He wondered at that moment if you held any protection on you, or if you’d thrown all of it away.
But he took the chance anyway and stepped fully into the room, closing the door behind him quietly. He quietly toed out of his shoes and turned around before fully surveying the room. He couldn’t see any other person’s belongings in the room, so he assumed you were indeed alone.
Nervously, he tiptoed to the bed and studied your face for a long moment. He remembered everything about you-- your eyelashes, the dimple on your cheek. He wanted to reach out to you, nearly stopping himself as he felt his arm move without his command. He brushed his fingers against your cheek before he knew what he was doing and stepped back as your eyes had flung open in terror.
“Y/N,Y/N, it’s me, it’s Dean,” he said, reaching behind him for the pistol he always carried with him, though, he would never attempt to hurt you in any sort of way. “Hey, hey.”
“Dean?” you blinked through the darkness of the room. You must have been sleeping. Because you thought you heard Dean’s voice. And you thought you seen him standing mere inches away from where you slept on the bed.
Before he could get the chance to respond, another voice filled the room, a voice you’d come to recognize and acknowledge throughout these last few months.
“She doesn’t need you, Squirrel. She’s doing great without you.” Crowley’s voice echoed in the small room.
Pulling yourself into a sitting position on the bed, you wiped at your eyes before switching your gaze between the pair in front of you. Crowley had been watching you over the weeks, which you had grown weirdly accustomed to, so it was no surprise that he had appeared out of the blue. What had startle you, was the other man standing mere inches away from you. If you just lifted your arm a few inches, you would be able to clasp your hands together.
“You left her high and dry after Moose had fallen into the depths of Hell, where, mind you, he’s been shacking it up with Lucifer. You should hear the agonies and woes from him.”
You could see the agitated twitch in Dean’s cheekbones, even in the poor excuse of light shining through the cracked window curtains.
“But now, back to the matter at hand, hmm?” Crowley snapped his fingers, and the two-night lamps turned on, casting the room in sudden brightness that none of you was prepared for.
“How’s Lisa and Ben?” Crowley smirked as Dean looked entirely uncomfortable at the jabs. “Didn’t want to be a family man anymore, huh? Did she decide she didn’t want your baggage?”
“It’s none of your business, Crowley,” Dean quipped. He snuck a look towards you and almost melted at the sight of tears in your eyelids. He wanted to erase the heartbreak he had caused you. He wanted to erase the pain away from you.
He only wanted you to forgive him. He wanted you and only you. He wished he hadn’t run off after Sam had gone to Hell, but he was broken and insecure. He was scared that you would leave him as well, so he did the only thing he could think of doing at the time: He ran away.
He begged for Lisa to forgive him, and she did. She took him in immediately, even after he explained all that went down with Lucifer and Adam and Sam. She took care of him. And for a while, he could forget all the pain. He could mourn the loss of his brother in peace. But there had always been a hole in his heart that Lisa nor ben would veer be able to fill.
He hadn’t known it at the time until he had sat up the night before and wallowed in misery after having nothing but dreams and nightmares about you for months.
“No harsh words, Not Moose?” Crowley taunted as he took a step toward you, causing Dean to nearly topple backwards onto the bed you were still sitting on. “No quips? Nothing? What do you have to say for yourself? Because while you were playing house, I was left to pick up the piece of her broken heart! How noble of you. Leave her behind to wallow in misery, and now what? You expect her to swoon because you're back? Pathetic."”
You never thought you would see the day when the king of hell would be red in the face at the Winchesters. But here he was, pointing a threatening finger in Dean’s direction while the other man looked like a kicked puppy.
You wanted Crowley to stop the insults at Dean. But the fact that he was protecting you in this way meant so much to you. You never knew how much Crowley actually cared about you.
"I bet she’s just thrilled to have you back. Nothing says 'I care' like a good old-fashioned abandonment, right?" Crowley scoffed.
“Crowley, enough,” you sighed as you finally pushed the duvet away from your body and stood up, causing Dean to look at you with hope. With your request, Crowley quieted down, though he didn’t cease the glare or scowl on his features. Ignoring him, you took a breath, taking Dean’s height in stride. “So, what? You show up at my doorstep and nearly scare me to death, for what?”
“I was wrong,” Dean swallowed, blinking slowly as tears piled against his eyelids. “I never should have left you the way i had. You were mourning Sam as well, and I was a coward for leaving you. I never once stopped thinking about you. I never once let you out of my mind. Lisa knew it, Ben knew it.’
“I’m not forgiving you, Dean.” you held your ground, even as you had to wipe the tears away from your cheeks. “How could I forgive you? Do you know what the hell I’ve been through? You weren’t the only one to lose a brother, you know? Sam was my family as well.”
He opened his mouth, only for you to cut him off.
“It’s been fourteen months, Dean—fourteen long, terrible months. I celebrated Sam’s birthday without you. I celebrated your birthday without you. Crowley was the only one to check with me. Do you know he saved me from death on numerous occasions? That could have been you.”
He looked utterly defeated at the mention of the birthday celebrations. He could only imagine you singing to yourself with some cheap cake and a gas station lighter, wishing for the family you once held as you blew out the candles.
“Dean, I don’t know whether to hit you, kiss you, or put a bullet in you.” you scowled, pushing past him to walk over to the bathroom to wash your face. Leaving the door open, you heard Dean shuffle around Crowley to get to you again.
“I can’t leave you, not again. Never again,” he watched your reflection as you grabbed for a hand towel and wiped the water from your face.
Glaring at him momentarily, you sighed heavily before turning around and leaning against the counter. “Crowley will kill me for this. But I can’t help but think that I’m still in love with you. We can talk more about this in the morning. I had a long few weeks, and I’m absolutely exhausted.”
Eagerly, Dean followed you out of the bathroom, barely noticing Crowley’s absence as he tucked you into the bed before he climbed in himself.
--
**totally up for a part three IF people want it. So please, please, please, if you enjoyed this reblog this & leave comments.
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