#he's like. he's like 22???? he's a fucking child on a throne

[grimaldiapologist]

There's also the repeat references to their father's cruelty towards them. They did not get an upbringing which would foster care for anyone but each other. I'm looking at this from a perspective that makes this personally stand out to me, but while subtle, there is a very significant narrative with the two of prolonged childhood trauma, which has had them in a survival mode their whole lives.

Then their father is no longer there and for the first time, they're not fearing the consequences of breathing wrong. The only thing they've learned through and through is that they have no one else but each other, and combined with their other damage, this has become to the exclusion of everybody else - a trait you do not want to see in an emperor. Put two of them together, and they'll end up in a self-perpetuating cycle of becoming the worst of themselves, because their sole meaningful audience can always only make them worse.

With Caracalla's illness, he is constantly further pushing Geta out of any potential other path that he had. Most of Geta's rule consists of trying to stop his brother from self-destructing through his uncontrollable behaviour and catering to his desires to keep him stable/satisfied. Despite this, throughout the film, he shows some promise: he asks Caracalla first, for example, when deciding the fate of a gladiator. A surprise to no one, Caracalla tells him he'd like to "see some blood", but this is clearly not the answer that Geta wanted to hear, so he asks Lucille also, under the guise of her being their guest. She tells him to show mercy - and he does.

Later, take this with a grain of salt since I've only seen the movie once (fixing this in a couple hours however so if I'm utterly wrong maybe I'll come back to correct myself here), Geta is the one who hesitates on initially commanding Acacius's death, when the crowd shows such preference for him. Surely - he ends up calling for it with his whole chest when disobeyed, but there is a moment there where he thinks, this is not the right choice to make.

But what Geta is above all other things, is a survivor of childhood abuse who made it his purpose to protect his weaker brother. Shoved into a position of ultimate power, he does not change from this. And Caracalla, at this point, simply is not capable of being more to him than someone he desperately needs to retain his sense of safety and stability in a world which is unpredictable and uncaring toward him. The only person he loves, and trusts to truly love him in return, even if the glimpses to that side of him are slipping from their hands by the day.

While in his role as the emperor and his brother's primary and only caretaker, what Geta ends up doing is look for a father figure. Someone who could advice him in the matters of the realm - but who also cares for him, and would provide safety and stability both for himself and Caracalla. They are VERY young men who never had the experience of being protected, or being kindly guided through their responsibilities. They are surrounded by sycophants and enemies. They latch onto and immediately trust the only person in their circle who, they think, shows them genuine care and concern. Who becomes a true friend. The fact that Geta ultimately asks for Macrinus to be the one to go talk to Caracalla, to calm him down, and then for the second time that night asks him for help helping his brother when things are going very wrong? That takes an insane amount of sincere trust from him - Caracalla is his primary responsibility, but with Macrinus around, he begins to trust that maybe he does not have to be alone with that responsibility, and maybe, for the first time, he can allow himself to think of his empire, too.

They are incredibly naive and desperate for protectors and parents. It's easy to see with Caracalla, whose illness makes his behaviour lapse so often to regression and childlike states. But Geta is by no means any better.

This all, of course, followed by the disclaimer that Geta's still a monster in the making who is seen to clearly enjoy and delight in the suffering of others, and will not hesitate to call for the heads of those who do wrong against him. But he shows that he is capable of second-guessing these instincts. The reason he rarely does is that he has no one who cares about him and who could help him choose another path, and as much as he remains the stronger and more coherent brother, Caracalla is the only person who he can allow himself to fully, unconditionally love, and whom he feels connected with. And Caracalla's judgement will always be "I'd like to see some blood".

They could have been better, though. If they didn't grow up raised by fucking wolves.

From the way Geta and Caracalla reacted to Acacius' and Lucilla's betrayal to their fear of the people's wrath against them, you can really tell how young and inexperienced these two really were.

Yes, they had an almost complete disregard of their subjects needs and, yes, they were heading straight to madness but there is also a tragedy to their stories. They were given great power at a young age, Caracalla's mind was all but gone and Geta showed signs of an unhinged character. They had no one to rely on except each other and seemed eager to have someone that they can trust.

But their madness also makes you wonder, how much of it can also be blamed on their position? These two would probably have different demeanors (and most certainly different fates) if they had never become Emperors which makes you realize how power can truly corrupt and destroy people and even display their true characters.

[cinderkaliningrad]

Targtower family and the cost of war.

Listen to this with the Sabaton song - Lifetime of War. and 1916 (Another Sabaton song).

Aemond: Should not now us prevail?

Alicent: Not like this.

Okay, Alicent. "Not like this?" I ask for the VAR. ⬇

Let us remember the famous phrase: "I wish to believe that honor and decency will prevail." - A hypocritical phrase said from the mouth of a person manipulated by her father, who is trying to survive as a woman in a man's world. (We are talking about the hypocrisy of the Greens, not the crimes of the Blacks.)

Alicent blames Aemond for starting the war by killing Lucerys. But it was Otto Hightower (the series' ultimate villain) who manipulated her into marrying Viserys. The House of the Dragon, aka "the place where those who are at fault never pay what they owe."

LET'S START.

Otto Hightower starts it all off by drooling over the Iron Throne and plotting to dethrone Rahenyra.

Otto manipulates Alicent into believing that Rahenyra is ruthless enough to kill her children. Something that seems to be corroborated when Rahenyra asks that Aemond (her younger half-brother) be tortured to find out where she got that her children are bastards.

Cole kills a lovely grandpa council member and no body gives a fuck. Nothing new, because he killed Laenor's lover in his wedding (Laenor and Rahenyra) in front the whole nobility of the realm.

We all have recorded the multiple payments that Alicent makes to her allies by offering her body. Very much like Cercey: "Tears are not a woman's only weapon. We have the best one between our legs." We talk about her walking by the sword of Ser Criston Cole and showing her feet to the depraved Larys.

The use of the death of a child prince to win over the people. Causing great suffering to the parents of the child Jaehearys, Kings Aegon II and Helaena. The two characterized by not being the most mentally stable people in the world, let us also remember that they are 22 and 20 years old at the time of the boy's death. (They are literally, in today's terms: university students).

No shame in using a boy who is barely two decades old from birth for their own selfish plans. - Poor Aegon, he just wanted to get away and live in peace.

Espionage, the elimination of witnesses. Shatter the minds of three generations for a throne. (Queen Alicent, her children the princes and the princess, and their children). - Alicent has not hesitated when it comes to using them for its benefit. For "honor and dignity."

Queen Alicent wants to crown her son Aegon, after her dying and senile husband talks about some King Aegon guy and a weird prophecy. When we know 3 Aegon so far: Aegon the Conqueror, Aegon the drunk prince, and Aegon the Young (son of Rahenyra). Did anyone thought that maybe the words of the dying king weren't too logical? Aegon (the drunk one) was right about not being the chosen one.

A long etc.

How do you want to win, Alicent? Your son Aemond is little nothing more than a child trying to fulfill the desires that have been imposed on him all his life: to keep his brother on the throne no matter what the cost.

How are wars won, Alicent? Sending people like Aemond to die: children who have grown up with the wrong ideas, who have grown into fanatical men for a cause. People forced to grow up fast and therefore die young. And of course, dirty game. A lot of dirty game. So that? Alicent (spoiler alert) will spend the rest of her life crying for her children. And the realm will never recover. The saddest thing is that Aemond and Aegon will die thinking they did the right thing.

What was the cost of your greed, House Hightower? If you are not prepared for war, don't do it. You could have stopped it, Alicent, too late to regret it. No? War is like lighting a fire, once it starts, it will destroy everything in its path without control. And it is foolish and naive to think that you can enter a war without dirtying your hands and everyone around you.

WHERE THE 7 HELLS IS HONOUR AND DECENCY, HIGHTOWERS!?

[mekachu04]

11. Meeting

Kidd - 17 | Killer - 21 | Heat - 22 | Wire - 23

Tags specifically for this chapter:

Violence / Death

Aftermath of Victoria's murder

Songfic

Kidd will be the Pirate King

Kidd gets his name - Captain

Kidd meets Victoria Punk

Read at A03 (on the 11th!) linked above or here below cut

Drabbles from Pocket Jack's KiKi-tober Prompt list

Kidd sat on the throne of blood, opulence and wealth around him, the other three bosses before him.

The whole island was at his fingertips - everything Kutsukku had to offer his for the taking. The thick plush carpets and heavy tapestries on the walls. Glistening hardwood and marble floors. Paintings framed in gold.

His whole life - he couldn't fathom such affluence. The trash cans of this new world he had conquered held more wealth than his name once did.

This is what killed Victoria. The hand that stuck her down might have belonged to the corpse he's left smeared across the floor downstairs - but this place is what killed her in the end. The drive to take every penny from the island, just to decorate rooms like this.

He could live the rest of his life in luxury here. Haunted by Victoria but never wanting another day in his life. Only...

"Do what you want." he said finally, pushing himself up out of the plush chair. "I'm taking my cut and I'm out of here."

Bosses Heat & Wire just nodded; this was a temporary alliance at best. They'd had their own reasons for joining, but Victoria had never been one of them. If there was a way to end this amicably, then all the better.

Killer however...

"Out of here?"

They used to be friends. Hell, Killer was the closest to a parent Kidd had. The last couple of years had pushed them apart but once...

Once they'd crawled around the Heaps together - playing pretend. Imagined the trash yard as any place but here. Of the ocean and the blue blue horizon and of adventure and escape.

Of Roger and his treasures.

Oh, better far to live and die

Of that stupid little ditty that he'd heard as a child. Little him clinging to the words of drunken fools filling his head with fantastic nonsense.

Under the brave black flag I fly,

"Yeah... Out of here..." He looked at the wealth around the room. "Certainly enough here for a ship of my own."

Than play a sanctimonious part,

"A ship?" Boss Wire asked; he and Heat both looking at him curiously.

With a pirate head and a pirate heart

It wasn't like being a pirate was a step down from a crime boss. He'd still be his own man, but without this awful island holding him down.

Away to the cheating world go you,

"Yeah... Buy a ship. Sail out of here. Never look back" he grinned, a little manic, looking a the other three as the idea took hold for the first time with any real roots. It's a child fantasy. But now...

Where pirates all are well to do,

"Come with me. Fuck this place. We'll take what we want; burn this place down and just go."

But I'll be true to the song I sing,

"That's a big ask, kid boss. What are we gonna do with a boat? Fish?"

And live and die -

"I'm gonna be the Pirate King."

Killer face was unreadable as ever, hidden behind bangs and a blood splattered cloth mask. But Kidd knew he was staring him down. Judging his resolve.

It was a child's declaration. Shouted back in the days when Victoria didn't hate them yet and Killer still curled around him in the dark to chase away both chills and the things that went bump in the night.

If Wire or Heat thought to mock him, the intensity of the look between Kidd and Killer held their tongues.

Finally Killer looked away, "You don't know shit about sailing."

"I'll learn. I'll find people who do, get 'em to teach me."

"You hate being told what to do. Who'd you actually bother to listen to long enough to learn?"

"You."

Killer looked up sharply at that, this time his hair fell in a way to pierce Kidd with a ice blue glare.

"Boss Killer - you sail?" Heat asked softly.

"That was a long time ago. I was a child." He never looked away from Kidd, voice chipped and cold.

"Yet you had such a stick in your ass about it when we played pretend." Kidd goaded, "Used to hit me when I called the imaginary ropes the wrong thing."

"I have a few men who've sailed," Wire offered as a way to ease the tension building in the room, "Self included. Small boats only, but I do know a little."

"So Killer & Wire sail with me." Kidd looked at the last man standing, "You wanna stay here and be King Boss, or come with us, Heat?"

Wire raised a delicate eyebrow at Kidd's assumption he was gong along with him just like that, but... "You coming with us Heat?" he teased his long-time rival.

Heat scowled, "And what, the kid Boss will be Pirate King? What does that make the rest of us?"

"Free." Killer murmured solemnly.

Wire, Heat & Kidd looked at him sharply.

Kidd nodded slowly.

Yeah.

Free.

***

She's not a home yet, but Kidd feels like it's the closest he's ever had to just a place. Home was the people - places can be taken from you too easily. He'd learned that very early in life. And recently, he learned people could be taken away too, at any time with even less warning. But he'd not going to let that happen again. This will be Home - and he could afford to have one built just for him. But She called...

"I want Her." was all he said.

"Okay Captain," was all Wire & Heat said. Killer nodded in approval.

In turn, Kidd had turned to look at the trio - stunned by the name. Heat just smirked back, Wire shrugged, and Killer walked right on past him to flag down one of the ship masters.

[melissathettpdmember]

Can you explain Daphne and Thoren's relationship PLEASE

Why anonymous bbg? scared that I might propose?? 😭😭 (Please find me PLEASE)

Ok have this aka the most logical thing ever -the couple that carries my whole Winx club lore

Daphne:

Right now she's 31 years old.

Born on the 28th September 1993 (EARTH TIME- Magical Universe Time - 1981)

If she ever takes the throne, which she will, she'll become the most powerful (politically- she already is the most powerful physically) person in the whole universe 😀

She's kind of a part of the Lightrock Council, which they chose a bunch of people who are younger than a century to take care of physical things such as court leading and handling executions.

Miss girl is a perfectionist. Extreme. You can't find anything she can't do. That also makes things dangerous for her as her elemental mastery is too high.

She developed an ED for the same reason. She gotta be perfect and living normally isn't gonna cut it.

She got diagnosed with ADD when she was a child but just now she found out that it was ADHD. She's now mad as hyperactivity isn't really "elegant".

She also has insomnia and PTSD. PTSD doesn't really matter to her except for when it snows in Domino.

She's cold towards anyone. Except Bloom and little children. And cats.

She's a musical performer and writer. The only thing she doesn't like about her voice is that she doesn't have a low register. Which she does but she wants it to be lower.

She sometimes visits whatever churches there are for her. For fun.

Her full name is "Daphne Kusana Elizabeth Sparks". She doesn't tolerate people using Elizabeth though.

And considering her age now, it's safe to say that the fall of Domino happened when she was 9. She -would- die if the Company of Light didn't arrive to fight. She did die when she was 22 though. That Sirenix curse lasted about 6-7 years.

Speaking of which, she actually found out she could haunt anyone she wants. She enjoyed giving Bloom her first trauma.

Thoren:

He's also 31 years old. (Shocker- also he's 53 hours younger so have that ig)

He was born on the 30th September of the same year.

Unlike his uncle aka fuckass Erendor, his father is a pretty nice person. They haven't spoken for a while now but I'm sure King Vincent still loves his beloved son.

LORE DROP: He wasn't supposed to exist. The first monarchy and the second monarchy made a deal to merge, leaving Erendor on the throne. I mean, the first monarchy wanted to at least. They had to include a catch so Erendor just put down "unless they have a kid by next year" knowing that the Queen was infertile. Not having a choice, they made the deal. Fast forward to 3 months later, the Queen found out she was pregnant. They called it a miracle but King Erendor called it a curse. Queen Samara remains unbothered. So it's basically Erendor's fault that Sky still hates Thoren to this day without a reason.

Also his mom died when he was 10. We still don't know why and no one knows where the body is. I do, but gotta keep it secret for new story ideas.

Hell, Sky adopted a fucking dog because Thoren is allergic.

The Lightrock Monastery has a kitten named Blair (Blair Waldorf from gossip girl. Thoren wanted to name it Meredith as in Meredith Grey but that name is already taken by another cat on Earth.)

Thoren is banned from the First Monarchy of Eraklyon. Since he was 13. Very "invisible string" that Daphne got banned on the same day. She got unbanned but never went there again.

He trains for fucking 18 hours a day. Yet he's still in the top 70 of the Paladin power charts. The reason for that is trauma. (Flashbacks to Sky's flashbacks in s6) He never rests either. No sleep. Psychopath ass bitch.

His left leg is prosthetic. During his first year as a Paladin intern he dropped the Earthquake Hammer on his foot. It basically shattered his whole leg. He still threatens people to crush their skull if there is a conflict.

He ends up in a hospital every fortnight. It's because of his training but not the one in Linphea College. So there's kind of a forest in Eraklyon's second monarchy. It leads to those ninja hideouts. The fact that killing at least 40 of them is a daily training thing and he has been doing this since he was 13 is very concerning. Though his first attempt was pathetic and he had to be in a hospital for 3 months.

His friend group, ESPECIALLY DAPHNE, will never ever stop making fun of him for his similarities with the Thunder God Thor.

He is also a musical performer. The only thing he doesn't like about his voice is the fact that he doesn't have a higher register. Except he actually does. But he sounds like a rock star while actually hitting high notes. And he doesn't like it. Idk what he expects.

His grandfather is still alive. And a member of the Lightrock Council. He calls Thoren "Charles".

Speaking of which, Thoren's full name is "Thoren Charles Alberich" and he might kill anyone who uses Charles. Except his grandfather. For apparent reasons.

He has a record for having the most hate accounts about him online. He kicks their asses though.

He's the only one who has more than 10 suicide attempts (12) in his friend group. Daphne comes second with 9.

He has probably performed Blue (Heathers the Musical) at least 4 times.

AS A COUPLE:

They met when they were both 8 years old at a Royal event. No it wasn't love at first sight. Stop. They were children. Also Daphne didn't like him anyway.

They finally became friends a year later, months after the Fall of Domino.

They started dating at 16. But Thoren fell first. When he was 15 actually.

A little fact to add, they both started college at 19 for secret reasons.

You know Daphne died at 22, this basically sent Thoren into a depression and during the time Daphne was gone, his suicide attempt count went from 2 to 8.

Then after they reunited somehow, Thoren proposed. Not in a normal way. I'll explain later sometime.

They got married at 28. Then there was a wedding after-party which no one except their friend group was invited to. Not even Winx was invited 💀💀💀

As much as Sky didn't have a problem with her, Daphne still despises Sky to this day.

[ghostgirl-22]

18+ !NSFW! Explicit

Day 22: Thigh riding (Day20: cream pie too if you blink I guess)

Pair: Patashi

————————————————————

Patrick knows he shouldn’t be but he’s frustrated with her. There’s all these rules and restrictions that come with letting Tashi coach him and honestly he’s not sure if it’s the early mornings, lack of cigarettes, or the lack of actual good food that’s got him more irritated. Probably all three. They’re staying in Connecticut. Patrick’s got another challenger in the next three days and if he makes it to the semifinal his rank will be solid enough to get him an opportunity to compete for a spot in the Australian Open. Art’s at home with their daughter in New York preparing for the US Open so it’s just the two of them his hitting partner and her personal assistant. She’s run him ragged all day and still doesn’t think he’s good enough.

“I’m thinking we can have Chinese food for dinner?” Tashi suggests. It’s the first thing she’s said that hasn’t been a criticism and it still irritates him. She’s tapping away on her laptop in his hotel room. Taking up his personal space acting like it’s helpful for her to keep pointing out all the things he sucks at.

“Yeah whatever,” he mumbles. She’s only going to order steamed stuff without the sauce and limit the salt so it’s not anything to get excited about.

She glares at him. “Whatever? Are you sixteen, Patrick?”

“I said yes, it’s fine. I’m starving so I’ll eat whatever bland Chinese food you order.”

Tashi snorts and closes her laptop. “If you want to quit you can always go home to your parents and maybe pout for them. Because honestly it doesn’t work on me. I can’t coach losers.” She says meanly.

“I’m not a fucking loser,” Patrick says.

“You’re acting like it.”

“You know I’m good, I nearly beat your husband…the professional tennis player.” Patrick snaps back, irritated. “I’m still good.”

“So is everyone,” Tashi says coolly. “And if you want to almost beat someone, you can do that on your own… you don’t have to waste my fucking time.”

“Fine,” Patrick says.

“Yeah fine,” Tashi snaps. “you’re fucking annoying.”

”Actually you are,” Patrick says.

“And you’re a child,” she counters. “Just an overgrown child. God forbid you do something hard for once in your fucking life.”

She squeezes her thighs together and then adjusts her little professional designer dress, pulling it further down her thighs. They’ve been sniping at each other all day and he knows her well enough (knows himself well enough) to know that at least half of that is going to feel like foreplay. Doesn’t make any of the shit she says any less irritating though.

She orders food. Steamed veggies, white rice, kung pow chicken with the sauce on the side. Almost exactly as he predicted.

He just settles on the sofa and puts on Game of Thrones, annoyed he can’t put his feet up because she’s there, he slouches down with his hands over his head and bounces his leg idly. Not even realizing he’s doing it.

“Can you stop?” She snaps.

“You have your own room right?” Patrick says to her.

“God you’re such a fucking brat, I’m doing this shit for you, you know that right?”

He sighs. “Yeah of course Tashi… you never let me forget it.”

She looks at his leg bouncing and puts her hands between her thighs.

“Fine,” Patrick says, trying to center his energy so he can keep still.

She rolls her eyes and shuts the laptop.

He looks back at the television.

“You always wear those stupid shorts, you need to win so we can get you a sponsor.”

He shrugs, ignoring her and continuing to stare at the tv.

“And I don’t always need to see your stupid thighs, you can wear pants sometimes.”

“Anything else?”

She sighs and tries to smooth her dress again.

He smirks at her. “You’re all wet aren’t you?”

“No you’re just… annoying,” she mutters, softly. Crossing her legs.

“And you’re squirming,” Patrick says.

“So fuck me,” she says quietly.

“I’m busy.”

“Busy doing what?”

“I’m watching this,” Patrick gestures at the tv.

”You can’t be serious,” she says coolly.

“I am… you’re the one who says I don’t have an attention span. Can’t focus enough to actually win a whole fucking game… can’t do hard things…but look at me… I’m focused.”

She laughs incredulous. “Well fine. Watch your stupid show.”

“Fine. Maybe when it’s over we can come back to this.” Patrick says.

She glares at him, bouncing her leg for a minute. Then she gets up and straddles his thigh. Yeah, she’s wet, he can feel the heat of her on his bare thigh. Soaking through the sheer fabric of her panties, he feels all the blood rush to his cock as she starts riding him. It’s so fucking hot and desperate, she’s grinding up against his thigh moaning hotly in his ear.

“Fuck Tashi,” he says grabbing her hair out of the way so he can whisper in her ear. She’s got her eyes closed. “You act like you’re such a good girl, but you’re never good for me,” he sighs against her ear. “So fucking filthy, you needed it this bad?”

“Shut up,” she groans.

“Make me,” he whispers. “Pretty little girl, all out of control. Look at you. You can’t wait…”

She whines in his ear and he holds onto her, guiding her body as she moves to get herself off. God every time he thinks he’s found the hottest thing she could possibly do she just keeps topping herself. He pulls her hair so he can bring her face close to his and she lets him do it.

“You’re humping my leg like a fucking teenager,” he says against her lips.

“Fuck you,” she whispers but when he kisses her she starts grinding harder.

“Open your mouth…” he whispers, it’s something he’d probably say to Art so he’s mildly stunned when she complies. “Open wider sweetheart.” He breathes.

He puts his fingers inside and she licks at them, sucks at them, moaning and getting them so wet, he traces her lips with his thumb as she starts coming, lips parted, gasping in his ear. He can feel the way she’s quivering, clenching. His whole thigh slick with it.

God.

He needs to fuck her properly.

She gets to her feet when she’s done, looking dizzy and so satisfied with herself.

“You’re so fucking annoying,” he tells her.

“Watch your show.” She shrugs grinning at him.

Her mouth is all wet and she wipes it on the back of her wrist. He loves how fucking messy she can be. He grabs at the dress and pulls her close again. He practically yanks her panties off and pulls her back on his lap properly.

She giggles when he starts fucking her. “What about your attention span?”

“Shut up…” he breathes. “Shut the fuck up.”

“Don’t come inside,” she tells him.

“Fine,” he says. But it’s a lie. He’s fingering her clit the whole time she fucks herself on his cock and that puts her over the edge. She ends up coming and coming and coming three times in quick succession. Just one right after the other after the other. For a moment he’s in awe and he thinks she’s never gonna stop. She’s shivering, clenching, moaning and whining in his ear and she’s so fucking gorgeous he can’t fucking pull out if he wanted to. It’s fine. He can buy her the morning after pill. It’s not the first time he’s done it.

He catches his breath and leans against the sofa watching her recover. Game of thrones is over and some random boardroom drama is starting.

“How did you do that?” She demands while she’s catching her breath.

”What?”

”Make me… make me come like…like that… Fuck you’re obnoxious,” She says shoving him when he smirks at her.

“I just wanted to hear you say it.” He grins. “That’s never happened to you before?”

“Certainly not with you. If it had we’d be fucking married. Or divorced.”

“Divorced and still fucking.”

“Yeah exactly,” she mutters.

There’s a soft knock at the door.

“Delivery,” a voice calls.

“Oh shit,” she crawls off his lap and he sighs. She ties her hair back and attempts to straighten her dress.

“Is it obvious?” She asks him.

“So fucking obvious.” He smirks.

“Fuck. You’re the worst.”

He eases his shorts back up and gets off the sofa. “Sit… I’ll get your bland food.”

“Fine,” she says and she drops boneless on the sofa.

He gets their food and pays the guy, it doesn’t matter what he looks like the guy is smirking and trying to look in the room like maybe he heard what was going on. Patrick thanks him and shuts the door before he can see anything.

He brings the food to her and she takes a breath. “I’m just trying to make you the best you can be… you know that right?”

“I know.”

“So you can stop being an asshole.”

“Yeah you’re right. You’re my coach and I’m sorry. God forbid I do something hard for once in my life,” he shrugs.

She seems shocked that it was so easy and she opens a food container and smiles before tasting a bite of the chicken. “Yes exactly. And you can do hard things.”

“Yeah actually, coach, I really liked that hands on demonstration of doing hard things… can you show me that again?”

She frowns and then flings a piece of chicken at him when she realizes what he means. He laughs picking it up and putting it in his mouth.

“God you’re the worst,” she says, shaking her head and smiling.

[moononmyfloor]

Dashing Youth Ep 22-25 Commentary

Ep 1-10, Ep 11-16, Ep 17-21, Ep 22-25, Ep 26-32, Ep 33-35, Ep 36-40

Ep 22

That's it. I've found my most favorite Cdrama character of the year. Do I love everything about him? No. Is he very relatable? No. Is he the best acting performance of the year? No. But heavens forbid if Master Li is written in a way that is just SO understandable and consistent for the setup of a sunny fearless youth who became an immortal and grew weary and bored with time, and decided to just stop with immortality and take one more chance at truly enjoying the mortal world so he could die satisfied. He's just so fucking intriguing to me I could write a 5 page essay about him! I guess I have already written about 2.5!

Dingzhi baby I wish you stop trying to hoard all your grievances and responsibilities in your heart all alone 😔 Tbh can't blame him, that's what happens when you were brutally stripped from your family and friends as a child and grew up with noone but an equally sad master, it stops occurring to you that you need to depend on other people sometimes. And it's not like Dongjun is the brightest bulb in the room to get a proper reading of everything Dingzhi is hiding behind his dazzling grins.

On the positive notes, Changfeng finally seems to be here to stay! Finally! They sleep seperated by a homophobic modesty table tho, boo

Ep 23

Presses play on Dashing Youth ep 23

*immeadietely spits tea out

Yeah I'm.... reading that dialogue.... bit differently. Cough

Help

me

What's going on 😭

Dude my bois were peacefully having their first time nobody asked you to invite yourself in huhu

That was so impolite to just crash and flash!!!

Oh my gods lol. Never make an enemy of Master Li. He will do planned cockblocking on you few decades in advance, AND make you and your partner the CEOs of his company, and sashay away to have his own honeymoon 🤣 You wouldn't have the time to say Jack Robinson.

I love how he developed a soft spot for Changfeng. I mean, who wouldn't

And Changfeng is like: I literally don't know how I got to this point of my life but boy I'm gonna have a good time

He's the underdog sidekick who ended up the ultimate winner and he wouldn't be able to explain how. He's so inspiring like all you have to do is being a nice person and mind your own business and treat your friends with honesty and the rest will work out by themselves.

Man I'm just so bloody uninterested in Dongjun/Yue Yao tho🤣

Dingzhi is that infamous bad boy in high school who is actually a doll and ends up winning over all the head-teachers to everyone's surprise

Ep 24

Ughh the wedding is going to take place I'm nauseous and I want to murder Wenjun's dad

Go, my boy. Even though you two will only get a pocket of happiness, you should get it. 😔

Ep 25

*screaming my head off

I fucking hate you so much. You are not a good guy but you aren't willing to full-on embrace that you are a bad guy either, which makes you a good politician and a good candidate for the throne and therefore the absolute worst scum. Bah.

Gods I think the last time I saw (and cared for) a het estranged couple (plus the girl being forced into a romantic/sexual arrangement she didn't want) was in Shaolin Wendao, but at least there was solace at the end of the story for the sheer agony the characters and the viewers went through. And I already know there will be none for Dashing Youth😭 Why am I doing this to myself.

I need to rewatch BoY just so I can see the younger gen stand up to the monarchy that their parents gen couldn't topple.

Grandparents: "For the greater good" let's downplay the corruption and raise our kids worry-free. If we close our eyes, the evil doesn't exist.

Parents: Dreamers, romantics, unprepared for the cruelty of the world, everyone gets heartbroken and traumatised for life

Kids: Fuck all this we can barely pay rent

[atopvisenyashill]

9, 10, 19, 22 🙃

9. worst part of canon

hmmmmmm. while i will say the lack of dothraki/essosi povs is probably worse narratively, i do at least understand why he chose to build the narrative that way (even tho i think the narrative he’s building ultimately suffers for this choice). dead ladies club just pisses me off. why is everyone dying in childbirth. why is the name of ned’s mom not relevant. why did the oldest dayne have to be a man. why do we have no idea when shaera daena daenaera died. george i’m in your fucking walls.

10. worst part of fanon

again it’s just objectively the insane arya stans or the targnation people bc they make their illiteracy everyone else’s problem and have on more than one occasion dogpiled on random artists for *checks notes* drawing a character with a skin color darker than FFFFFF. does anyone know the story of the butch that got got by the french resistance in wwii for being a nazi, or that one lesbian that was friends with hitler? that’s what these people are and it’s not an ~annoying fandom quirk~ it’s just naked bigotry.

if we’re talking “annoying but not problematic” tbh for MOI it’s the king jon truthers, i just can’t take any of it seriously when he’s denied winterfell and a lordship for himself more than once, doesn’t like leading, and is bad at it when he tries! ntm i just don’t feel like it’s narratively satisfying if one (1) targ ends up winning and the other two die. i need all three of them nowhere near the throne at the ending to be happy!!!!

19. you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

hmmmmm. i definitely didn’t think i’d get so hardcore into parent/child incest when i started this blog i’ll tell you wHat. especially when in my humble opinion people get way too into incest ships and act like they’re oppressed for it ajsjs like idk perhaps that is the destiel shipper in me but i’ve spent so long in fandoms where people would be like “if you can’t see anna/elsa lesbianism you’re homophobic” they’re sisters EYE am not the freak here and that’s fine let your freak flag fly but be REAL aksjsj. and now i’m like “stop yelling at me for saying alicent’s sons want to fuck their mom when i’m right” lol. and also having spent so many years going “why do you guys think jonerys is romantic that’s his AUNT” turns out i can get into targcest when it doesn’t involve dany (bc i just don’t think it adds anything to her story!! what she just uncritically follows in the footsteps of her ancestors and the practice which helped abuse and subjugate women in her family forever and fucks her nephews?? for what for WHY)

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

we all know what it is babeeeeee

i also do feel like there’s a distinct lack of smallfolk stans like people will pay lip service but when it actually comes to smallfolk characters it’s all “oh i think davos is boring” “oh i don’t see the point of bringing gendry back into arya’s story” “oh i hate hugh/ulf” “oh robb’s campaign is against a vile evil it’s fine if he marched over some poors” “well mirri murdered a baby so” i’ve even seen “dunk is boring” IS THERE A GAS LEAK IN EVERYONES HOUSES COLLECTIVELY. WHAT HAPPENED TO EAT THE RICH HUH??

[septimusmoonlight]

Anonymous: So I have an idea, imagine youre too good of a breeder. Your boy cunt as tiny as it is has popped out 12-14 pound kids with zero problem other that than the pain of labor since you were 18 years old. And you've made a good life as an Orc breeder being the favorite of the heir to the throne, who pampers you'd and keeps you happy. But has expressed he wants to see you tear your boy cunt in two on one of his babies. So the next time youre pregnant, you grant his wish, you make sure youre heavy with triplets. And as you birth, each one of heavier than the last (16, 18 and the grand final of 22 pound) each baby tears you a little as they come out but when the final 22 pound comes you tear to your ass and clit. But even through the searing pain you know you've done your duty as a breeder and can't wait to do it again.

My poor, pathetic human body has done a remarkable job for my orc husband thus far, despite our differences in size. He’s easily a few feet taller than me, with a cock to match, and treats me lavishly - well, lavishly for a breeding pet, not as a member of society. That’s all I am for him, just a good place to cum and a suitable father to his children; I have no place as anything more. I don’t mind, though, because it feels so good to cum over and over again on his cock until I’m shaking and crying. Even the pain of childbirth is something I relish, knowing that I’m doing a good job for my husband, and combined with his praise it always tips me over the edge on the final push.

“You’ve done well so far, even though you’re so weak,” he grunts during one session of lovemaking. Just him pointing out how much control he has over me makes my toes curl. “I wonder what it would take to break you. I want to see your tiny human cunt torn open from my babies to make sure we both know how strong I am.”

As if those words were a spell, my next pregnancy is clearly triplets. Before long, I’m too huge to really do much of anything except lay there and whine while my husband fucks me, but he doesn’t seem to mind. He makes sure I’m tended to as often as he possibly can and fucks me every night, like he’s making sure that I’m bred. It’s impossible to deny that I’m pregnant with his children, of course, but he deeply enjoys claiming my body in any way he can.

On the day labor comes, I’m moaning in pain early in the process. My husband is eager to watch, so he lays me down and spreads my legs apart - wider than is necessary - while massaging my belly with one hand to help the process along. The first child is a little bigger than average, so the pain is already more intense than usual - but so is the pleasure of knowing that I’m the best breeder my husband could ask for. It gets worse when the second one comes along, bigger than the first, so it hurts even more, and I can’t stop myself from crying, moaning in simultaneous pain and pleasure at the burning stretch, the rip of my body being pushed past its limits.

The third one is where I break. The torturous push, the spread, the searing tear of skin and muscle as I give birth to something never meant for my body, I can do nothing but scream and sob, my voice raw with agony even as pleasure rolls in waves across my skin and mind. I feel myself coming apart, ripping my hole wide open. Humans were never meant to become pregnant with orc royalty, so my small, pathetic form is no match for just how thoroughly my husband can control me. He watches the entire time, lust darkening his voice as he relishes knowing that he can break me like this.

Then, finally, it’s over. Blood pools beneath my torn cunt, and my husband ever-so-gently spreads me apart even more to get a closer look. A new jolt of pain hits my senses, making me whimper and whine, and my husband soothes me, praising me for doing such a good job, giving him such strong babies.

Due to his high position, my husband has access to the best physicians in both magical and non-magical recovery methods, so there are zero complications in the process of letting my body heal. It might take a little longer than usual, sure, but we can still go back to fucking in a month, whereas he only gave me a week or so of break after any of his normal children, maybe less.

Maybe it’s just the force of his own desire, but singles are very rare after that. It’s always twins, triplets, sometimes quadruplets, always ripping me apart all over again, leaving bloodstains wherever I give birth for him, my body gaping open unnaturally with the force of it. But, fuck, I love being such a good breeder for my husband that I take joy in him breaking my body however he wants - so if this is how he wants it, then I’ll get wet thinking about my cunt tearing open again.

[leefi]

The Flower That Bloomed Nowhere Read-through | Part 8: 100-127 (END)

Part 1: 1-14 | Part 2: 14-22 | Part 3: 22-34 | Part 4: 34-64 | Part 5: 64-80 | Part 6: 81-90 | Part 7: 90-100 | Part 8: 100-127 (caught up here)

How did Anna have a contact paradox...how many people is ophelia twinning her infinite feminine energy with...ok my new theory is that everyone is ophelia, except for theo chan, who is currently having the worst acid trip of his life

Su keeps pointing out how Kam had been weirdly reticient to Fang's ideas surrounding the murders basically leading up to the moment of their death. She's maybe mutually noticed something with them, or has privately ruled them out as the culprit. At first I thought they were maybe in cahoots but it doesn't seem to go both ways - but then again Fang was always super in their own head anyway, and kind of acts like a chaotic neutral-good agent (helping the rest of the class but also working to solve the mystery just for the sake of solving it/as an intellectual exercise). I really do think they were familiar with Balthazar to some degree (not necessarily in cahoots, they just know more about his deal than the rest of the class), but don't have much to go off of beyond that. Just wanna mention they were both pseudo-outsiders to the group. Also don’t wanna forget that Balt is primarily connected to Zeno in the first place, and nebulously connected to Utsu. He’s also a thanatomancer just like her.

Su said she can't help but feel as if this whole scenario was made for her. Is this her punishment? But why would she be getting punished?

Balthazar's name means "Bel protect the king". Actually let me look everyone up im curies

Kamrusepa was a goddess of magic and medicine. Go visit the Wikipedia page, the myth she appears in is pretty cool. Her symbol is an iron throne.

Ran: From Japanese 蘭, meaning orchid

Kuroka: From Japanese 黒岡, meaning black hill. thinking abt the story's cover art

Utsushikome was the name of a Japanese empress

Theodoros means divine gift/god’s gift

Ezekiel means strength of god

Seth means annointed, or placed. He was Adam and Eve’s third child, born after Abel’s death to appease the family’s heartbreak

I can’t find for his specific spelling but Bardia means exalted, lofty

theo zeke and seth are all biblical names im assuming. which is an interesting connection considering what the three of them are being accused of right now! bardia isn’t - it’s of persian origin. maybe the 3 of them were in cahoots about killing him together because of brett and the blood gulch. brettdiya

Fang: From Chinese 芳 (fāng), a gender-neutral name meaning "wind, fragrant, virtuous, beautiful". Kam’s name is also apparently associated with air but i could only find it on a google search excerpt. The goddess of medicine thing felt more prescient

Interesting thing I found on Fang’s name Wikipedia page! not implying that this is connected to the story, just wanted to share a cool thing given that this historical figure was an alchemist like them

Our group really did feel small and fragile now-- Down to just eight people. Even with the barrier, it didn't feel completely safe.

genuinely stupefied over how linos is still fucking alive. why haven’t they eaten him yet

I think Fang and the council lied about how long they'd been at the Sanctuary. That would explain why they seemed familiar with Balthazar too - they'd already met in a way that isn't impossible from when they walk into the conference room, announcing themselves. I think Kamrusepa had knowledge of this too - likely due to her position as class head. But why hasn’t she suspected Fang of Vijana’s death then? If she only knew that they agreed to show up, then kept it a secret from everyone else she would’ve tried to fit them into the murder puzzle. No, there’s probably something more she knows about Fang's role in this...

Yeah, Ezekiel was never supposed to meet Balthazar either. Ughhhhh this is making my HEAD HURT. FUCKING WEEKEND AT BALTHAZAR'S

im still laughing over him wearing the sunglassesssss indoors btwww. that was so cunty of him

You are what you are, and you can't be anything else. Right?

Ran of Hoa Trinh I love youuuuuuuu

me: wow i miss fang so much. sometimes i can still read their voice

READ ME

HEY GUYS

me: NOWAY

i spent the first day basically hiding out on my own in neffies room and only snuck out a couple times.

Neffie!!!!!!!!! also this could explain why the group saw nef grabbing a package of food over surveillance and delivering it to her room? but also was fang then the last person to see her alive?

The way Fang describes tls time is reminding me a lot of the Epic of Gilgamesh weird endless looping notepad fanfic where you can shuffle the pages around. Su found it AGES ago and I don’t think it’s been mentioned since. “anyway time in tls is FUCKED UP. it's not even really time at all. it's like if you asked a dumbass how they think time works and then made it that way instead. like ok. imagine you're some asshole god. and you can see that object. the whole 10d universe, everything that has happened+will ever happened etc. and you want something different to happen, but can't make it happen because everything already exists. so instead you grab a 1d point and pull it loose. a single "frame" of reality or something idk. now on its own that's not gonna do much right? but then you break it and make it rebuild itself. so then you have a new frame. bam. tls.”

ahh shit. i'm out of time. assuming i was killed and i'm not showing you this as a joke:

if i was shot from the garden, that means that the culprit doesn't remember the previous loops.

if i was shot from inside the room, that means they do.

AWAAYWAWYAWAWYAYW A GETS UP AND RUNS AROUND THE ROOM IN CIRCLES AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND

Su was pretty sure that the shot came from outside, and her memory is supposed to be the most reliable, like how Ptolema’s observations are. I don't think she'd emphasize it in her internal narration twice unless Lurina wanted to stress it

Does it even matter who the culprit is? Could the culprit already be dead??? RAHHHHHHHH

"It sounds more like you just don't want it to be true," Ezekiel observed. He seemed strangely resigned, like he'd already accepted the idea, though I couldn't say why that was the case.

its because he went up to bal's crazy funtime room and achieved enlightenment

Does granddad know that kuroka became shiko. I'm not talking about the dementia. I mean we saw him being against the idea and then Samium may have acted independently. But also Sami seemed to have been ignoring Kuroka completely. How does she fit into this puzzle? What did Su say, that they needed someone Shiko knew?

When she says she and granddad are really alike...maybe she means in comparison that Wen is his lost person and Shiko is hers. And they're both grasping for something they'll never have again

WHYW HW THEO CHAN IS ON THE STAGE????? REVUEDOROS???????????

oooh director and playwright treat specific scenes or character actions with probability...how inch resting

PTOLEMA BEING THE FIRST TO DETECT SOMETHING IS OFF WITH THE PLAYWRIGHT/DIRECTOR FOURTH WALL BREAK. SWEEP SWEEP SWEEP SWEEP SWEEP!!! SHE'S A SAVANT!

Joshi…hmm…modernized anima scripting…. HEIGHT SCRIPTING?

YOU CAN PLASTIC SURGERY YOUR HEIGHT NOW!!! SWEEEEEEEEEPPPP. also what is joshis blood type and culinary notes. i need it for my research

Su says the name is familiar but i'm confident we've never heard it before. how am i so sure? well it's all thanks to my beautiful gorgeous mind (i quote searched it on google) (ran also clarifies like 3 lines later but i didn’t see it because i was too busy quote searching on google)

Is this bioenclosure the same case as the pantry? anomalous to the time loops, kept more preserved thanks to the previous experiments they ran on it?

I climbed the stairs, and there she was at last, standing at the rear wall

PLAYWRIGHT: Ack, no! That doesn't work for this scenario! Switch it over to the alternative!

DIRECTOR: <sighing> Very well...

sorry that was me. but i got shy

THE IRON PRINCE STUFF. HUH

A MIND TRANSFERRED TO A MACHINE OF IRON…HUHHHHHH

Would putting someone’s mind in that kind of machine turn them into an invincible god? Like they’d have limitless connection to the power. Is that the key to immortality? Ok they clarify this in like 5 lines cool. Is that what the Order was trying to do in erasing themselves? Give themselves godlike powers then dip? Unmmn My brain feels like mush and baby im stirring that pot

They'd covered the sun in photovoltaic panels, and built minds for themselves as vast as oceans, where they could rule over their own artificial realities like gods. The rest of the human population lived and died by their leave, either as specks of detritus on Earth and the smaller colonies spread about the solar system and its close neighbors, or in a lesser state of transcendence within their domains. It was paradise and hell at once. All progress ground to a halt, and the distinction between real and unreal ceased to matter.

this literally happened in cookie clicker

ANNA???????????

WHAT

???

HUH??????

UHHHHHHHH

Sure. That might as well have happened

I don't think the timeloop explains Bal's knowledge of Su's past, which is how she just tried to rationalize it ...that seems totally separate. What did he call himself? a parasite to their group

Zeno thought Su was someone else...Bal is a close relation of one of Zeno's friends...RRRRRRRRR

watching kam sweep linos with this interrogation is so bonkers!!! go girlboss go!!!!!

Even at a time like this, I appreciated Kam's apparent willingness to become a huge hypocrite on my behalf.

kamsu 💖sweep forever

Personal matter. I'd overlooked the significance of that phrase. When you set aside the rest, that made it sound like the reason he'd been swayed had been something private and embarrassing. What kind of 'projects' did people have that were personal and embarrassing, and involved much younger men? The only ideas which came to mind felt more like a product of me being a pervert than anything, even if Zeno had made insinuations during our conversation.

Plus, when I'd asked Zeno about Balthazar, he'd told me he was here as part of a favor to an old friend. That didn't connect with what Neferuaten had said at all - so was it just an outright lie?

I think Bal is related to Sami…I have this feeling…ok so Zeno, their sponsor, is a neuromancer right. That’s the closest modern day equivalent to Samium’s pneumancy…so they could’ve worked closely together. That doesn’t really explain the embarrassing personal project though…What did nef say again?

"Everyone was part of the plan from the start," Ezekiel insisted, ignoring Seth's anger. "Not just Theodoros, but Bardiya, too. That's why you saw his room in the state it was earlier in the night-- He'd been upset about the whole thing, and drunk himself half to death."

LIAR! BROTHER BARDI DOESN’T DRINK. IT’S IN HIS CULINARY NOTE! kicks him down the stairs

idk about this culprit theo theory kam. I’m at the point where I can buy him doing something for bard’s death but swaying everything??? no wayyyy he’s simply too obvies and sweaty about it. but i could listen to you play murder mystery chicken with su all day long so please keep going

"Fine," she replies, with a flat look. "I will concede we cannot completely rule out a nude suicide attack from Balthazar

this is my nomination for best line in the story so far. runner up is wheres the elevator

taking a shot every time utsushiko says “you’re just fucking guessing!!!!” and kam replies “but my dear sweet precious trembling submissive prey animal of a classmate it is SUSPICIOUS 🤨☝️” and you find me dead at the bottom of a stairwell

"I'll tell you what almost certainly happened," KAMRUSEPA continues. "When we met with Bardiya, his room was in a terrible state. It looked as though he'd been drinking, and though he did a good job carrying his regular dignity, he was most likely inebriated to some degree, leaving

RAHHHHHHHHHH kicks her down the same set of stairs that im dead at the bottom of but Ezekiel’s body is suspiciously absent

So Bardiya was like…in a fit? In a haze? Was there a struggle in his room???? Why?

Why do Kamsu not realize the world has come to a standstill to listen to them talk. My answer to that is: the unstoppable tide of yuri

SORRY BOYS, this is YURI WORLD now and we’re taking PTOLEMA HOSTAGE

"What of it? Life precludes everything! I won't apologize for wanting to live above all else!" She brushes her curly ginger hair from her face, her expression growing serious as she stares at UTSUSHIKOME. "I know you're the same as me at your core, Su. You think I can't see it? It's why we get along so well in the first place. You do a good job of acting like a person with normal ethics, and sometimes your neurosis keeps you from acting when you know you should. But deep down, you're someone who would do anything to attain your desires. You'd even betray the entire world."

The kamsu is actually making me go fucking crazy. This is insane. THIS IS INSANEEEEEEE. ILL DO WHAT YOU LACK THE COURAGE FOR FOR BOTH OF OUR SAKES!!!

Su voice: we get along?

𒊹𒊹𒊹utsushikome: But I guess it couldn't have happened any other way. Pieces move according to the rules of the game. I am who I am, and I can't be anything else. <;smiling bitterly>

SHE’S QUOTING RAANNNNNNNN

did they just say deliberate assimilation failure

"It's not self-indulgent!" Samium declared. His tone was defensive, but it was clear it wasn't for himself. At this point he was obviously upset, a subtle tremble in his tone. "It's for Wen's sake! To give her another chance in this world, even in spite of everything!"

The parallels to Kuroka and Utushikome. I’m seeing them. Also sam i am definitely fucked that old man

This was such a shit garbage world. To have let this happen to Kuroka and so many other children. 200 years of peace and prosperity? more like 200 years of. Not that

Maybe Kuroka’s love of horror is part of the reason why she feels this punishment was designed especially for her. It’s like it’s tailor made to watch her suffer.

This yaoi between Samium and Gpa is going somewhere I can’t follow. You’re discussing KILLING A CHILD???? and you have NO HANGUPS???? They’re insane

In the midst of this, someone manages to throw a grenade in the air; they must have been carrying it since the visit to the armory.

There is only one cunt I know of who was hyperfixated on the grenades and they r not alive rn

I stared down into my cup listlessly, my hands trembling slightly as conflicting strands of thought shot through my mind. I cleared my throat hoarsely, almost like I was choking.

"...t-they tricked me," I told her, my voice feeble.

She was just talking about how she usually exaggerated how badly people were treating her to make sure they got in trouble.

Why does she keep calling her old body defective? Is it because she didn’t get pre-natal distinction treatment? Is there a disability we haven’t seen?

SHE’S RETELLING THE DEMON STORY FROM THE CARRIAGE RIDE WITH RAN??????? FRIM HER SPELEOSOEDITCIE (<-PERSPECTIVE)? BARKS

Do you remember the acclimation journal that I keep? The day number I wrote in it was 4412. If you count backwards from the first day of the conclave,

babygirl i was not going to do that

When she thought we were researching Induction in mutual ignorance during those first weeks, scouring old books and the logic sea for information, I was just working up the courage to talk to Samium's contact. When I told her I discovered my original body was dead, that was no revelation at all; Samium had informed me in advance exactly what the process was going to entail and how it'd be disposed of, and I even lied to her about the details, saying that it had been physically discovered rather than the truth, which was that Samium took it somewhere far away from the city and discreetly disintegrated it.

…

It was because I wanted to employ her as a tool to soothe my guilt.

it has literally never been more over than it is right now

she took 12 years of ran’s life. ran didn’t want to go into medicine. if someone made me go into medicine what I’d do to them could not be publically shared on the internet

through all these insane revelations I have just one thing to say. I cannot fucking believe that Kam was right about Theo

diversity win! the girl whose life and body you just stole might be bi!

These last chapters have actually been giving me a headache. I feel violated. Kudos to the author!

God everything she did made sense and the way her mentality was described was so so so perfect. I can’t believe it took 127 chapters to realize just how much of an antihero she is. She really let us believe that most of her self loathing was just some kind of self flagellation, but she was right. She really is as wicked and pathetic and awful as she claims. But the world failed her so so so so so many times, and then once it finally granted her a miracle, she threw it away.

Kam getting a double kill in the span of 5 minutes is making mejdjrjrjsjjsjsjdjdjdjdhhfrbfjjf. thank you Lurina for granting us the COD lobby i so dearly wished for

Bal says he thought someone could be saved by love…Sami was trying to save Su’s grandpa by bringing Wen back…Their manner of speech is similar to someone we’ve heard speak several times in flashbacks now…I feel fucking stupid even suggesting it but could Bal and Samium be the same person? How would that even work because they’re both alive and existing in the same place at the same time?

It would be so delicious if Su was dying for this chance to speak to Samium this entire time and she did. Like 3 times. While he was reading magazines

Also they’re a thanatomancer like su…i feel like if he were a neuromancer I’d be bouncing off the walls with this theory right now but it’s just my brain trying to make connections rn

Samium’s zeal towards this wen mission made me wonder if his conviction went beyond old man yaoi to a personal goal, especially after his call with autonoe. But then he actually dropped it after gpa said not to go through with it so. I guess he really is just super gay?

What would happen to Su if you put her in the Apega(?) machine?. Would she just revert to a younger combo of Shiko&Kuroka, would she maybe revert to younger Shiko only…like, could that be the way to kill Kuroka and restore Shiko?

So Su is Utsushikome and Kuroka simultaneously. A fusion of them. And Su also looks exactly like Wen, someone dear to gdad from before the collapse. So Su is like. 4 different identities at the same time - kuro chan, utsu, su (amalgamation), wen

And ran was literally forced to go into medicine

Zeno asks Seth where the world is. Seth is confused. Zeno’s answer is essentially “what you make of it”/in your mind/yours to mold. The world is a copy of something long dead. The protag is a copy of someone long dead. The narrative’s actors’ fixation on immortality…accompanied in tandem with the obsession with things long dead…absolutely tubular

Anyway here are screencaps of the lines that made my brain melt:

[bellascarousel]

5, 19, 22,

5) What's a fic idea you've had that you will never write?

I don't think I have had any ideas for Kathony fics that I will never write. If I have, the reason that I will never write them is because I have forgotten them. I did once send in a prompt to a Philoise prompt account, though. Because I love the idea, but I don't write Philoise, except as side characters/subplots to Kathony. A modern day high school or college AU along the lines of You've Got Mail. Philoise become email pals not realizing that he's the shy kid who only seems interested in plants, and she's the outspoken girl who never lets anyone get a word in edgewise.

I also, back in my Haylijah days, had this epic fantasy idea that basically followed the plot of the show. It involved the Mikaelsons being princes and princesses in exile. Marcel was the childhood friend that they thought had usurped them, but was actually just holding the kingdom together until their return. Hayley was the long-lost crown princess of a neighboring kingdom. There was this whole thing with Dahlia being a witch who kidnapped Freya as a child, and was after Hope because of a prophecy that if the Mikaelsons' kingdom ever united with Hayley's it would be the end of Dahlia. Except Hope couldn't unite the kingdoms, because Klaus isn't actually a Mikaelson, so Hope isn't in line for that throne – but Elijah marrying Hayley would do it. It was a lot, and seriously ambitious, and I never wrote a single word of it. LOL

But, if anybody ever writes that Philoise story, please send me a link.

19) Give us a small teaser of one of your fics

Heh. Here, have some of Anthony meeting Edwina in Tangled Webs:

“I'll leave you two alone to talk this out. Hammer out the details and get your stories straight.” And with that, Agatha swept out of the room. Leaving Edwina alone with the man she had just met, but was now planning on spending the next several months pretending to be madly in love with.

She stared at him. Objectively speaking, he was a very handsome man. Even she had to admit that. And there was a kindness in his eyes, and a small smile on his lips. Lips that she was sure a lot of women would consider to be quite kissable. She had no such interest, though. “I have to say that when Agatha called me into her office, this is the last thing I was expecting.”

Mr. Bridgerton – Anthony, if she was going to do this, she had to start thinking of him as Anthony – nodded. “Same. When she came up with this idea to fix the mess I had made, I hardly expected her to actually produce a girlfriend for me. But, before we make any final decisions, we should talk about what we each expect, and why we're doing this.”

“That makes sense.” Edwina closed her eyes for a minute, trying to collect her thoughts. “I'm really doing it for my sister. She's sacrificed everything for me and my mother, ever since our father died. I'm hoping that if I'm seemingly taken care of, Kate will start living her own life, again. It is my hope that she will rekindle things with her former fiance. Oxford Law School may be out of her grasp, now, but that doesn't mean that everything else should be, as well.”

Anthony's smile widened. “So, you're the Judy to her Betty? She's the mother hen, and you're the chick pretending to fly the coop so she'll finally get off the nest?”

Edwina had to laugh at that assessment. “I love that movie. And yes. That pretty much sums it up. What about you? Why does somebody like you need a fake girlfriend, anyway?”

His smile fell. “I fucked up. Quite literally, actually. My sister is going into Politics. There's a special election coming up. She has a real chance. Except that I managed to be photographed in bed with her opponent's wife. It was all a misunderstanding. I didn't know she was married. But, if it gets out, nobody is going to care about that. I've spent half my life taking care of my siblings. I refuse to let my sister take the fall for my mistakes. Agatha is hoping that if I fabricate a girlfriend I'm hopelessly in love with, even if Daphne's blackmailer goes public with the photos, nobody will believe that I would cheat on you. Well... her... you if you're really sure you want to do this.”

It was insane. Completely insane. But, she thought of the way Thomas had looked at Kate when they ran into him. He was still in love with her. They could make things work, if Kate would just let herself be happy, for once. She raised her chin. “I'm sure. So, I suppose we should get to expectations. I'll be honest, I'm not looking for anything from you, except that you be convincing for my sister so that she thinks I'm taken care of. Are you a good actor, Anthony?”

“I'm decent. I've been playing the part of a man who has all the answers for years. What about you? I only need to convince a country full of strangers. If I understand your reasons well enough, you're going to be lying to your own sister. Somebody who I presume knows you quite well.”

“Trust me, I'm a lot better than anybody could ever guess.”

“Good. As for expectations, other than the same thing you need of me – that you be convincing at least for the people who need to be made to believe it – my only other requirement is that you be careful to not actually fall in love with me. I'm not looking for anything real, here, and I don't want any misunderstandings between us on that score. Or to inadvertently hurt you because you catch feels when I don't.”

Edwina laughed, nearly hysterically. “No offense, but you... aren't my type.”

“Should I be insulted?”

“Not at all. Just...” She took a deep breath. There weren't very many people who knew what she was about to tell him. But, he was putting his sister's entire Political career in her hands. The least she could do was give him honesty in return. And if he turned out to be a bigot, then she would put an end to this, and he could find somebody else to help him save Daphne. “You... Aren't my type. Though, if you have any sisters that look like you, things could get interesting.”

Anthony frowned, and Edwina shook her head and stood to leave. Before she could say anything, he grabbed her wrist. “I don't have a problem with that. Makes things easier, honestly. But, how is this going to work if your reason for doing it is to get your sister off your back?”

“Like I said, I'm a lot better actress than anybody could suspect. If I could pretend not to be in love with my uni roommate, I can pretend to be in love with you. Not even Kate will know any different.”

22)Do you know how your fic will end before you begin it?

To an extent. I always know that Kathony will be endgame. I'm not out here trying to split up my OTP, and I don't write angst for the sake of angst. But, I don't always know details.

[a03bkdk]

fantasy bkdk fic rec list

a certain kind of magic by eatdirt

((4590-1/1))

“Forgive me, kind witch! I—I do not wish to disturb you, but I’m afraid it's urgent!"

Katsuki will later blame his bewilderment that anyone—let alone a human boy in filthy rags—would drag themselves all the way out to his home on the outskirts of civilization, for why he stalks down the stairs and cracks open the door.

“Are you a fucking idiot?” he growls.

Or, the one where Katsuki is a witch in a weed-infested swamp and Deku won’t stop coming around.

the shrinekeeper and the harvest god by bkdkwritingsdump

((smut-30148-18/18))

Izuku keeps the shrine of the harvest god, a minor god mostly worshiped by farmers and ignored by everyone else until the yearly harvest festival. During a spring thunderstorm one year, a mysterious man named Katsuki shows up at his shrine seeking shelter from the rain, but ends up over staying his welcome by a few months. In that time, Izuku not only begins to become suspicious of his identity, but finds himself longing for something more between them.

cupid, draw back your bow by almasaga

((i dont remember if there is smut-16496-2/2))

Cupid remembers the oath he took, remembers the broken arrow, remembers the wrath of his mother and goddess, remembers his roots, remembers that he is a god.

But when he hears him he forgets it all.

“Are you there still?” Asks a voice, clear and never wrong. The only voice he wishes to hear.

“Always,” he says and it blows through his beloved.

solar by kindaopps

((smut-7037-1/1))

Here he is, a god, wanting a mortal.

deku by mirachadoodles

((smut-20852-9/9))

Neither seemed willing to look away in the tense silence that fell, drawn to one another as if by a thick and brilliant thread.

The boy viewed him thoughtfully, as though he recognized him from another life, as though he knew him.

It was odd—he felt the same way.

---

Or, shortly after Katsuki's dragon went missing, a naked man attempted to break into his family barn. Izuku had no memory of his past life, and apparently had no idea how to be human, either. He was just acting on instinct.

a cat named deku by  silentsongbird

((6662-1/1))

Bakugou begrudgingly takes in a stray cat that has been hanging around his home. He says he's motivated by the weather turning colder, but he just can't resist the little fur ball. One night, Deku decides to let him in on a little secret.

if the stars align, then for us they were meant by runawaydeviant

((smut-17485-6/6))

Katsuki and Eijirou crash land in a forest to the south of their homeland. Injured and stranded, they befriend a local nature spirit, who is much more than he first appears to be.

soulmates in steel and (p 2)mine is yours by lalazee

((3000-1/1)) (p 2(smut-2509-1/1))

Midoriya Izuku returns to a tribe long lost and forgotten to claim his rightful throne. At least, that's what King Katsuki assumes of him.

(p 2) One large, calloused hand spread sparks down Izuku’s chest, ribs, rested at his lightly bruised hip. Izuku knew fingerprints still remained from last time, and the last, and the time after that. He felt more like a dappled deer now, all those spots smattered across his thighs, ass, hips, wrists. King Katsuki was certainly a man who marked his territory.

but the entrails are the best part! by supercrunch

((15278-1/1))

The boy straightens up. He’s about half a head shorter than Katsuki, face soft and youthful and sweet. He turns to look at him properly. His dark hair shines in the dying light, basket of blooms looped over one arm and mouth quirked into a tiny half-smile. The sun hits his face and makes his eyes a bright greeny-gold, just like emeralds.

Katsuki likes emeralds.

“Pretty,” he says, reaching out and picking the stranger up around the middle. He’s surprisingly heavy, although Katsuki doesn’t mind. “I like you. Come see my nest.”

The boy hits him.

He’s stronger than he looks, turns out. Katsuki drops him and falls onto his back, pain blooming across his face. Birds sing. The sky’s a lovely shade of orange, clouds floating lazily by. The boy scarpers. He leaves his basket of flowers behind, footsteps thumping on the ground and fading away as he escapes.

The sun sets. Katsuki, lying flat on his back with a bloody nose, decides he’s just fallen in love.

happenstance by merrywetherweather

((78566-22/22))

When Katsuki was just a child, his mother, the King of Lucia, took him to enact diplomacy with the Midoriya's, the royal family of the neighboring country of Tayloria. After that day, his fate was sealed, his marriage arranged to the Midoriya's elusive omegan child.

At the age of twenty, he leaves for Tayloria again, this time, to finally wed his fiance and cement the allyship of the two kingdoms indefinitely. Only, his fiance turns out to be the child he had met on his very first visit, a naive, idealistic young prince who wants nothing to do with marrying the prince of Lucia.

Good thing he just assumed Katsuki was only part of his fiance's entourage.

An arranged marriage between two princes aob au where Katsuki tries to abide by Izuku's desire for a natural romance to develop without letting Izuku know his true identity.

plums by Ivillpunchyouinthethroat

((14116-3/3))

There’s a boy stealing plums from the garden below the balcony Katsuki’s lounging at for the night.

Correction.

There’s a boy stealing plums, very badly, from the garden below the balcony Katsuki’s lounging at for the night.

mermaid AU breathe In by contrarybee

((series-smut-3 works-45236 in all))

Midoryia Izuku was born in captivity. He's never known the ocean.

His human carer Yagi-san tells him they're getting a new merman in the aquarium, one that they hope Izuku might like. Having been alone since his mother's death, Izuku is beyond excited to have a new mer around, but Bakugo Katsuki might prove to be too much. Or maybe he's just right.

fishy by warschach

((smut-19417-1/1))

Izuku’s convinced his hot co-worker/neighbor, Katsuki, is a mermaid-or merman- you gotta consider genders even with mythical creatures- and plans to prove it.

(or this is kinda like the show ‘Monster Quest’, except Izuku actually finds said monster, falls in love, and have sexy times.)

home is where the waves crash. by tiredwrites

((4105-1/1))

Izuku thrashes in his cage, the fins that line his large tail flare with a dangerous purpose. The claws his fingers taper into slice through the water and catch the light that filters into the clear water of the aquarium tank he's in.

His gills flare in irritation as he flips around, muscled tail ramming into the three-inch glass barrier with a thundering BAM!

Bioluminescent sacs under clear scales flare and glow, flashing a brilliant toxic green. The team that had brought the merman into the tank watch the mer flail and roar, flexing the powerful jaws that can often unhinge, like a snake.

only the roses know by katyastark

((13193-5/5))

Izuku didn’t want to marry a foreigner. The person he wanted was here… somewhere. He didn’t have a face or a name to ascribe to his admirer. Only roses. For every name day and holiday since he was thirteen, he had received a perfect orange rose. He’d never seen anything so beautiful. The roses never failed to make him feel doted upon. It was their secret, and Izuku cherished it more than anything else in the world. He didn’t want to give that up for some stranger, for an alliance through a loveless marriage.

torn fur, blunt teeth by scribespirare

((smut-43013-17/17))

After eight months of being collared, Izuku is finally free. But a dark, stormy city is no place for a lonely shapeshifter on the run.

ignorance leads to bliss by nikawithspice

((smut-3941-1/1))

A brave wandering adventurer swoops in and saves a beautiful prince from danger, gets dragged to a celebratory bonfire and has a night that he could only have dreamed of!

Or, the one in which Midoriya Izuku accidentally gets married to a Dragon Prince but wouldn't have it any other way.

[alliseonline]

I posted 1,068 times in 2022

That's 127 more posts than 2021!

18 posts created (2%)

1,050 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@levitatingbiscuits

@gffa

@seainthestars

@padawansuggest

@kckenobi

I tagged 154 of my posts in 2022

#sw - 69 posts

#obi wan kenobi - 53 posts

#tcw - 33 posts

#the kenobi series - 32 posts

#kenobi spoilers - 29 posts

#bobf - 15 posts

#commander cody - 13 posts

#boba fett - 13 posts

#my fic - 13 posts

#my writing - 12 posts

Longest Tag: 114 characters

#they had to release a calendar filled solely with pictures of kenobi because there were planet wide demands for it

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Chapters: 22/? Fandom: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: CC-2224 | Cody/Obi-Wan Kenobi/CT-7567 | Rex, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Mace Windu, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, 212th Attack Battalion & Obi-Wan Kenobi, 501st Legion & Obi-Wan Kenobi, CC-2224 | Cody/Obi-Wan Kenobi, Obi-Wan Kenobi/CT-7567 | Rex Characters: CC-2224 | Cody, CT-7567 | Rex, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker, Mace Windu, Ahsoka Tano, CC-6454 | Ponds, The Clones, 212th Attack Battalion, 501st Legion (Star Wars), the jedi council, Plo Koon Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Qui-Gon Jinn is a dick, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, De-Aged Obi-Wan Kenobi, designated babysitter mace windu and plo koon, Obi-Wan is baby, LITERALLY, Melida/Daan, BAMF Obi-Wan Kenobi, Young Obi-Wan Kenobi, Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi, Qui-Gon Jinn's A+ Parenting, he was a good Jedi and a good man but he definitely wasn't a good master, Child Soldiers, Implied emotional/psychological abuse, no beta we die like qui gon, there is barely any proofreading sorry Series: Part 2 of Clone Wars Shenanigans and Self Indulgences Summary:

A mission to a Sith Temple takes an. . . interesting turn, leaving the Jedi and the Clones to deal with the fallout. Well, at least this kid Obi-Wan is cute?

- Obi-Wan Kenobi is de-aged to about 14 years old. The Problem? He doesn't have any memories after that age. The people who love him are about to learn some hard truths.

13 notes - Posted July 28, 2022

#4

my morning class got cancelled,,, to study or to write fanfic, that is the question

14 notes - Posted December 5, 2022

#3

i fucking love fanfiction cuz ppl’ll be like “he would not fucking say that” and others’ll be like “okay but he would fucking say that” and i’m sitting here from a throne of half truths and half lies and all manic glee like “oh but he needs to fucking say that cuz how else will i traumatize this babygirl?”

16 notes - Posted November 9, 2022

#2

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: CC-2224 | Cody/Obi-Wan Kenobi, CC-2224 | Cody & Obi-Wan Kenobi Characters: CC-2224 | Cody, Obi-Wan Kenobi Additional Tags: Short & Sweet, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, hurt feelings but only briefly, Misunderstandings Series: Part 9 of Clone Wars Shenanigans and Self Indulgences Summary:

Obi-Wan has known war before. He’s felt it in his veins, felt it run through him like a blade in the hands of men he will never know. He’s known war just as intimately as he’s known his own name, his Master’s name, his padawan’s and great padawan’s name. Knows it like he knows how the list of the deceased grows with every passing moment.

So he doesn’t know why Cody is being so gentle with it as he is now.

18 notes - Posted January 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

something about empty spaces

192 notes - Posted August 3, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[vanishedangels]

Clan of Warriors

Click here for First chapter

Summary: While rebuilding Mandalore, Mand'alor Din Djarin is questioned by his people because of his beliefs and origins. In the dawn of a civil war, the council resolves that The Mand'alor must join in marriage with someone close to Bo-Katan Kryze. He's forced to marry Koska Reeves and accept a loveless union. In the meantime, Din is having a secret relationship with his son's Master, Jedi Luke Skywalker, his dream of having his own clan of warriors is about to fade away.

Pairing: Din Djarin/Luke Skywalker

Characters: Din Djarin, Luke Skywalker, Grogu, Leia Organa, Cara Dune, Koska Reeves, Bo-Katan Kryze, Axe Woves. OC. Peli Motto. Fennec Shand. Boba Fett, Paz Vizsla. Owen Lars. Beru Whitesun, Han Solo, Chewbacca, Wedge Antilles.

Rating: Explicit (+18)

Warnings: Canon Typical Violence. Explicit Smut.

Tags: Canon Compliant, Post Season 2 Finale, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Friends To Lovers, Fluff, Angst, Demisexual Din Djarin, Top Luke Skywalker, Bottom Din Djarin, Top Din Djarin, Bottom Luke Skywalker, Protective Din Djarin, BAMF Luke Skywalker, Adorable Baby Yoda, Sassy Leia Organa, Gai Bal Manda, Blindfolds, Sub Din Undertones, Fantasies, Jealous Luke, Keldabe Kiss, Hand Jobs, Oral Sex, Praising, Frottage, Jealous Din.

Chapters: 22/?

Navigation: <;- Previous Chapter • Next Chapter ->

Chapter 22: Glumness

Din looked around "They want you to take the throne... If you're so pleased with my negotiation skills, then why don't you just persuade them to accept that I'm the right man to rule them?"

"It's not like that, they're radicals, they hate the idea of a child of the watch and Jedi lover to be their leader..."

Din flinched the moment he heard her saying Jedi lover. "What? Jedi lov...?" He choked on his words.

Din was walking down the Mudhorn's ramp, astonished staring at the two lines of mandalorians assembling, making a human corridor in order to protect him while he was entering the building. He kept walking looking at both sides, the mandalorians bowed their heads in respectful recognition.

"Welcome Mand'alor!" Paz was standing by the main door raising his arms waiting for Din to meet him.

"What the kriff is this?" Din asked him.

"I missed you too, Vod." Paz gave him a hug, Din looked back at the mandalorians behind him. "They're the royal guard. They're your men from now on." Din rested his hands on his hips. He snorted with laughter, only if Boba had accepted his offer, what an incredible royal guard he would have made.

They walked embracing each other as the brothers they were, Din didn't realize how much he missed his friend.

"Shrune is off planet, vod."

"I was expecting to talk to him." Din stopped walking. "Where the kriff is he?"

"You wouldn't believe this, but he left to Coruscant yesterday."

"What?"

"You did good, Djarin. The Senate asked to meet our chancellor, you really made it, man. The Core Words are impressed by you, they love you, I bet they even want to fuck you too." Paz was laughing punching his right pauldron. Din sighed. "But, seriously, the council is so pleased. This is big, vod."

"And the other thing? The protesters?" Din asked.

"Ugh, okay. They are night owls sympathizers, they even formed a political party organization, they named a representative."

"So this is about Bo-Katan, she's the leader of the night owls. Where is she?"

"I can send her to your room." Paz offered, Din agreed.

When he found himself in his living room he stared at the comfy couch were Luke was sleeping with Grogu in his arms a week and a half ago. He caressed the fabric, his stomach clenched at the feeling of emptiness. He was missing his boys.

Bo-Katan knocked the door, Din answered. "Welcome home, Mand'alor." Home? Home is on Yavin IV right now, Din thought.

"I was expecting to talk to Shrune, but I guess you're the second best..." Din sat down on the couch still thinking about Grogu and Luke.

"I am." She grinned sitting next to him "Look, I respect you, Djarin. I do. We've had our differences but you're a good man, that's why The New Republic is willing to help us and take us in. I've been asking them for support since way before we've met, and back then they said we were unstable and unpredictable. You made them reconsider our value." She stared into his visor "I admire you."

The kriff was going on? Bo-Katan was sucking up to him? "And, what about that party supporting you as their real and rightful Mand'alor?"

She raised one eyebrow "That..." She breathed in. "Alright, Djarin, you're the one who came here with a Jedi beside you. Maybe you don't realize it, but a lot of people found that disturbing, they felt that like an effrontery."

"They felt? They found? Seems like you talk to them quite often, huh?" Din deadpanned.

"Don't you dare charge me with treason!" She was narrowing her eyes and clenching her jaw. "We did receive their representative. We, the council, not just me..."

Din looked around "They want you to take the throne... If you're so pleased with my negotiation skills, then why don't you just persuade them to accept that I'm the right man to rule them?"

"It's not like that, they're radicals, they hate the idea of a child of the watch and Jedi lover to be their leader..."

Din flinched the moment he heard her saying Jedi lover. "What? Jedi lov...?" He choked on his words.

"You adopted a force-sensitive kid, who's learning the ways of the force to become a Jedi and you befriended a Jedi Master. People are concerned, we needed to prepare your royal guard racing against the clock, we didn't want a Jedi beating the crap out of one of us in front of our headquarters like the last time." She tilted her head as she raised her eyebrows.

Damn Kryze. She was right. Din knew that.

"I can always give you this thing, you know." Din pointed at the darksaber hanging from his belt.

"Nonsense. Just, give me time, we'll keep talking to them. I'll come up with something." She waved one hand staring down.

"Alright. Where's Bo-Katan and what did you do to her?" Din chuckled.

She sighed "You're more helpful than I thought, and believe me, I want the same as you, to unify our people." She stood up. "How's your ad'ika?"

Din looked up to meet her eyes "He's fine." He smiled behind his helmet.

"And the Jedi?"

Din looked down "He's fine too."

"Are you going off planet soon?"

Gods, he wanted to leave Mandalore right away. "That depends."

"Be careful, people are watching you. If you spend more time off than on planet you're asking for trouble." She bowed her head "Goodnight, Mand'alor, I already ordered your dinner."

"Thank you." She closed the door behind her.

~

Paz came over to his room to have dinner with him.

"I can't believe Bo-Katan told you that. I mean, she's changed since you came back from Coruscant, but she... Kissing your ass? That's mind-blowing, vod!" They laughed. "But, let me try your food for you, maybe she put poison in your soup."

"My soup's fine, Vizsla. Thanks." Din lifted his helmet and took the bowl to his mouth, giving his back to Paz.

When they finished dinner, they were sitting next to each other on the couch again.

"So..." Paz said, resting his big hand on Din's thigh plate.

"So..." Din repeated after him, staring at Paz's hand.

"How's that mesh'la jetii, huh? Did you see him in his underclothes? Please, tell me you did. He's so tiny and perfect, imagine kih jetii riding you for hours till you're crying in pain. Dank farrik! I'm so horny right now!"

Din was staring at him behind his visor. If looks could kill Paz would be dead right there on the spot. He didn't say a word, suddenly Solo's words were running through his head "Everybody wants a piece of Luke." "Things like these are going to happen all the time." Solo was right, he shouldn't take it personal, he understood that Luke was the most interesting man he had ever met, it was natural that men found him alluring. He shrugged "Take it easy, vod. He's Grogu's Master."

"So what? He's hot as kriff! You know what I mean." He laughed and slapped Din's thigh.

Din snorted "Yeah, he's perfect..." He said under his breath.

"Oh! Oh! What was that? My little vod is alive!!!" Paz was holding him now.

"Stop it, Vizsla! Stop." Din was moving his hands to get rid of him.

"Yeah, that kih jetii awoke something in you, huh?"

"Shut up."

"No, you shut up!"

"You!"

They ended up fistfighting on the ground. Their backs against the floor, both staring at the ceiling. "I take back what I said on Tatooine, you're not getting old." Paz said holding his ribs "Kriff, vod, I missed kicking your ass." He laughed.

"I missed kicking your ass too." Din panted.

~

That night Din thought about Grogu, he smiled remembering the little green bean eating a red crayon the last day he was on Yavin IV, the way he pulled a face when Din took it from his little hand as he told him to stop eating crap, ad'ika looked so offended.

He kept tossing and turning all night, feeling uneasy and exhausted.

He thought about Luke in his arms, the touch of his skin against his body, his lips on him, the pleasure noises that escaped his delicious mouth when Din was pushing him to the edge. Din was squeezing the pillow beneath his head with one hand and with the other he was taking care of himself, moaning Luke's name with every stroke, closing his eyes, pretending his little Jedi was sitting across from him, with his blue eyes fixed on his hips, telling him to be a good boy, to show him how much he was enjoying himself. Din could imagine Luke sitting on the bench with his back propped up against the wall, legs spreading, caressing his crotch through his pants, groaning "Such a good boy, Din. Don't hold it back. Give me everything baby, I want to hear you." Din let himself go, his hand over his mouth, muffling his desperate scream. He nibbled down his index finger moaning "Luke. Luke..." He turned around burying his face in the pillow cursing in mando'a as his whole body vibrated with pleasure.

His body was resting on that bed on Mandalore. But his heart and soul were on Yavin IV.

[breitzbachbea]

📒💖

Emi, I'm kissing you on the mouth right now, you're so sexy. In general but also for taking the bait.

Put “📓” or some other version of a book emoji into my inbox and I’ll explain the plot of a fanfiction that I haven’t written but daydream about.

The Constantinople AU

This AU is from 2017 and came about because I watched a TED-ED video about Constantinople's walls, relistened to the Aladdin soundtrack and because I had earlier talked with a friend about how I had not really seen people make a genie a woman. I came back years later to explain it to my friend Jonah and add new stuff and this year I showed it to @amber-isnt-a-precious-stone to add even more things. It's one of my favourite AUs for sure.

Dramatis Personae:

- Herakles Karpuzi (APH Greece) as Son of the Roman emperor and heir to the throne - Sadık Adnan (APH Turkey) as Soldier in the Ottoman army and Imposter Prince - Dilan Taş (Human OC) as Jinn and Sadık's unsuccessful wingwoman - Athanasios Karpuzi (Human OC) as the Roman emperor and serial skirtchaser - Salvatore Vento (Human OC) as Advisor to the emperor and Fuckface McBadDad - Michele Vento (APH Sicily) as Herakles' childhood friend

The Happenings™:

- It's set in Constantinople in an alternate Universe, close to ours. It’s the late High Middle Age/Early Late Middle Age (depending on how you want to periodize. I am working with how the German Middle Ages are divided, which is arguably a very bad method for classifying Byzantine. But this is my silly Hetalia AU, not my term paper). Around 1300, I’d say.

- Athansios Karpuzi is the current Roman Emperor, which makes Herakles the heir to the throne. Athanasios is desperately trying to wed his son off to any available suitors to form new alliances, but two things keep getting into the way: 1. Herakles is thoroughly uninterested in playing along with Athanasios’ plans. He’s not a chess piece on his father’s board if he's got anything to say about it. 2. Salvatore Vento is Athanasios’ closest consultant and protests any marriage for whatever reason he can find. For the sole reason that he has been eyeing the throne for himself the entire time and wants to marry his own son, Michele, to Herakles.

- Like in my Hetalia AU "Like Father Like Son", Salvatore and Athanasios trust each other as far as they can throw one another. There is no genuine trust here at all, no sympathy, really, they just stick together because they know the other is useful. Have some assorted banter as result of this:

Salvatore: "Immortal what a name! What a title to bear! Although immoral would have fit you much better." [Athanasios’ etymology is “immortal”]

S: "Maybe you wouldn't have to struggle to find a suitable bride for your son if you stopped dragging every young woman within and from outside Constantinople to bed." Athanasios: "He's into guys too, problem solved." S: "Oh, yeah, me dumbass thought you needed stop whoring around, how silly of me."

A: "If he is into anything at all. But if I have another child, they might keep this empire going." S: "No legitimation to the lineage's claim to power like a gay loner and a bastard child." A: "Ah yes, I hired the man whose wife ran away with his son so he could berate me about family life. How I value your opinion, Salvatore." S: "She didn't run away." A: "No, she just hides and sends you people until she can get her divorce. I'm very inclined to give it to her."

S: "They're childhood friends! They'd make a great couple!" A: "All I can hear is what a great emperor you'd make, ruling on my corpse."

- So. Herakles is staunchly resisting any marriage to anyone and minding his business one day, walking along the great walls of Constantinople. He stops to look out into the surrounding area and suddenly, hears a noise. Confused, he looks down and sees someone scaling the wall. Sadık looks up and sees the most beautiful man he has ever seen … spotting him trying to get into the city.

- Sadık is part of the Ottoman Turks, who’re conquering the area around Constantinople these days. He’s some nobody in the army and thought he’d give it a shot and get into the city by himself to earn some fame (and money).

- Herakles is seriously impressed Sadık managed to actually almost scale the famously impenetrable walls of the city. Not impressed enough to actually let him in. So these two banter a bit, Sadık now distracted by this hunk in front of his nose. Herakles correctly assesses that he’s a Turk and says of himself that he’s the emperor’s son. Sadık: “Hey, hot stuff, if that’s true and it’s so impressive, why don’t you let me in as a reward?” Herakles: “Yes, of course. And then I’ll open the gates for the rest of your people, so that you can just walk in and take the city. What impossible thing do you want to happen next, a kiss on the mouth?” Sadık: “What’s so impossible about that?”

- Either way, Herakles threatens to sick the guards on him, which leads to a “Oh no you wouldn’t” - Herakles grins and definitely would, so Sadık has to retreat. (#Don’tSickTheGuardsOnMyAssYou’reSoSexyAhaha).

- He goes back to camp, having gained nothing but a crush. He gets in real trouble for rummaging around the booty, where he finds an oil lamp and WOULDN’T YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT. Dilan, a Jinn, pops out and Sadık uses his first wish to get out of trouble. Once that is done and the two have a moment of peace, he's thinking about what to do next and his mind circles back to Herakles.

- Dilan: "Ah yes, they always want something with love ... so who struck you and what's the problem?" Sadık: "Well ... I don't really know if it's true but he said he was the son of the emperor. He certainly looked the part! And I didn't really want to wait for him to call the guards to confirm it." Dilan: "Wait ... so you want to get with the son of the Roman emperor?" Sadık: "If that handsome little shit didn't lie to me, then yes." Dilan: "Isn't that a little out of your ballpark?" Sadık: "What, is it out of yours? Can't help me in that case, magic lady?" Dilan: "Psht, don't make me laugh! I can make the impossible happen, just tell me what you need." Sadık: "I dunno ... I guess getting inside the city?" Dilan: "That's it? That's all you need? That's less than a no-brainer -" Sadık: "Oh yeah, if it's so easy then, save that second wish for later. I got past one of the walls already once, I'll figure that out without your magic." Dilan: "Alright, alright ... and what about the wooing of your sweetheart?" Sadık: "That we'll see to once we're there ..."

- Dilan and Sadık chitchat while they make it to Constantinople. Dilan spends some time in the lamp, because walking is boring, but she does tell him that she's pretty sick of being in there. So that's where Sadık learns about her wishing to be free. Dilan in turn learns that Sadık doesn't have such a rosy life either (especially because now he can't return to the army, after he basically deserted).

- So they get to Constantinople and decide to actually factcheck if they got the right guy - and if yes, some general information about the emperor's son. Luckily enough, a friendly trader/tradesman tells them a bit about the city and the imperial family. Dilan: "So, did you by any chance ever see the emperor's son?" Trader: "Oh, well, that's an odd question, isn't it? But since you don't seem to be from here, I can understand the curiosity. Well, let me think ... You often see him only from afar ... during a triumph where he had accompanied his father during the campaign I got to see him up close. What a regal figure there at the head of the troops!" Sadık is too lost in the vision of his crush all decked out in military gear on a horse. And then taking all that gear off and being a regal figure while he fucks Sadık into the sheets … Dilan: "Yeah, yeah, yadda yadda, we need something more concrete. Height, hairstyle, haircolour, what does the dude look like?" The trader/tradesman is a little baffled but does provide a description that lines up with who Sadık saw. So with that information, they start to wonder how to woo a future emperor.

- Luckily, now that the trader/tradesman thinks they're here for imperial gossip, he actually mentions the fact that Emperor Athanasios hopes for his son to follow his footsteps and is currently looking for a suitable match, so that Herakles can be of political use even while he's still in charge. So Dilan and Sadık get an idea how to get into the city and Herakles heart. Or his pants. Milestones are still up for negotiation.

- After the grand entrance happened, where Herakles definitely took offense at either "Heard your prince was a sight lovely to see" or "Heard your prince was hot, where is he?" because either question was accompanied by Sadık's flirty looks, Athanasios actually lets Sadık and Dilan into the palace. There he and Salvatore discuss the entire thing, aka if whoever Sadık pretends to be is a good match.

- While they talk political stuff and snark, because of course Salvatore is against it, Sadık continues to feel very smug in his new princely identity and makes flirty eyes at Herakles. Herakles is just like "ugh" and much more happily plays with his cats. Which tbh sounds like they're 16 or something, but they're not that much younger than in canon (I think they'd be 22 and 24 here).

- Hijinks ensue. Herakles tells his dad that he’s a Turkish soldier that tried to sneak into the city and Athanasios doesn’t believe him, thinking Herakles is now lying badly to not get married. Dilan and Sadık are developing a friendship that is best described as hoes being bros.

- Dilan: "Look, you like cats. Cats are furry. Hairy, if you will. You know who else is hairy? Sadık. He's juuust as hairy as a cat - shhhht, I'm wingmanning for you and it's working great, you can thank me later."

- At first, Dilan mostly employs her magic for some silly little things with Sadık to woo Herakles. It doesn't work very well. Herakles: "I know it's magic, that's not impressing me - Okay, it is kinda cool, but you're still a dick." Dilan: "But a dick with a cool sidekick, come ON! What else do you want me to do to make the nerd viable?!" Sadık: "You call that wingmanning?!"

- Once Dilan realizes dickbags Athanasios and Salvatore are, she also uses little magic tricks to continously make their lives worse. Ironically, this may be what finally endears her and Sadık to Herakles. (If you haven't noticed, he doesn't like his father very much and Athanasios doesn't care for him aside from being a political pawn).

- At one point, Michele shows up at court! Herakles is overjoyed to see his childhood friend, which he hadn’t seen in years! Sadık is absolutely not, because it looks like just when he and Herakles almost had something, this twat shows up and steals the show!

- Dilan: "Well, I can't make him not love this dude, but I could beat the dude up." Sadık: " ... keep that in mind."

- However, when Dilan goes to investigate what Michele is doing here (and wingwomanning again), this ensues: Dilan: "Hey brah, what's up, why so blue looking? Is it because your boo just told you you ain't his number one anymore?" Michele: "I, eh ... no ... May I ask who you are?" Dilan: "Just one of the servants of the insanely charming and powerful - and hairy - Prince who's here to marry the Prince. Yep, he's sooo gonna marry that guy." Dilan: "There was a whole musical number about it, you should have seen it, I was on top of my game." Michele: "Sure heard about it, you stirred up trouble here. Hope it helps ... I'm not saying that Herakles should marry someone his dad set in front of him, but it'd be nice if he found someone at last. He told me he was very lonely the last years ... I don't want to leave him behind just as lonely again." Dilan: "Yeah, it'd be - Leave him behind?"

- Dilan: "Good news! His loverboy is not here to stay! He wants to go to the west, he's just here because of his terrible dad!" Sadık: "Oh, that's good! Wait ... isn't his father that asshole of an advisor?" Dilan: "Yeah. Why." Sadık: "The guy who wanted to marry his son to Herakles since apparently forever?" Dilan: "Yeah, but his son is not going to marry him." Sadık: "I smell a trap 10 miles against the wind."

- There is no trap however. Herakles realizes that the crush on Michele is nothing but a childhood crush and has to be left in the past … and that he wants to move forward with Sadık. When he wants a conversation one-on-one, Dilan wants to make it a one-on-two, but Herakles asks her if she doesn’t want to keep Michele company in the gardens, it’s not gonna take long, an hour or two at most. Then she can also fetch Michele when they’re done, so that Herakles can say goodbye before he leaves for Sicily.

- Dilan thinks about it, finds it’s not a trap (and if it was, nothing she and her fists couldn’t solve) and goes in the garden. There she talks with Michele and makes the mistake to either show off her magic powers, tell Michele of TurGre’s meetugly (#Don’tSickTheGuardsOnMyAssYou’reSoSexyAhaha) or to be like: “Hey, do you wanna know a cool secret? Sadık isn’t a Prince, all of this is my doing. Pretty cool, eh?”

- Unfortunately, they’re not alone. Salvatore was searching for Michele in the gardens, to get his “fucking rotten brat of a son” to play along after all instead of disappearing once again. So he overhears this. Salvatore: "Oh, so Prince Sadık is not a Prince? That's a funny joke indeed and I'll laugh my ass off the hardest in the end."

- So just when Herakles and Sadık had time to talk about their feelings and confess and, also, you know, make out and fumble for good measure, they get interrupted. Literally when Herakles was finally stripped down to his tunic and Sadık slid his hand underneath it.

- Athanasios: "This is gonna be the last wall you breached, you little rat." Herakles: "Dad! Stop it!" Athanasios: "This man nearly ruined our dynasty. Arrest him." Salvatore: "Arrest the man indeed. Go and get the ex-emperor." Athanasios: "Ex-Prince. It's not the right time for your snark." Salvatore: "I'm not talking about that small fish. Guards - arrest this careless idiot who nearly ruined our city by letting a scammer into its walls! Clearly the emperor's been in on this and can't be trusted!" Athanasios: "You've lost your mind." Salvatore: "You've lost yours and it's actually the thing you'll miss the least when syphilis is going to eat away the last of your rotten brain in the dungeons. So get him! And that ottoman faker, too, just get the trash out of here."

- The scene ends rather dramatically, because I love the thought of Michele and Dilan rushing to their help, but they get held back. Dilan maybe gets restrained by some anti-magic stuff. And Dilan begs Sadık to use his last wish to help him. To solve this problem. But Sadık refuses, because he promised to use it to set her free. So Dilan is just livid and upset, distraught, yelling at him to let her do something while he gets taken to the dungeons.

- So now Salvatore’s in charge and setting his plans into motion. PR is of course the first thing that needs to be done, so there’s a speech to Constantinople’s masses: "But, as you know, I respect and regard the royal family, the entire dynasty, more than any of you! So I am not going to assume power, it'd be a crime against God himself who granted us this emperor, if I had removed him for anything but his unstable condition and his tragic mistake of almost letting his lineage being tainted! Not to mention that this would have been the end of our beloved empire, our city, suddenly overrun and ruled by those barbarians! No, of course I'll give my power to the true heir who was merely a victim to his father's incompetence. To prove I really mean it, I'm even going to give up my son to the Prince, to forever bind my loyality to the throne!"

- Michele: "I hold no more respect for you as father as I did when we left. I'm not going to play along your perverted plan." Salvatore: "Well Michele, if you don't respect me as father, then maybe you'll respect me as the Roman Emperor!"

- Meanwhile, in the dungeons, Athanasios and Sadık have some great chitchat. Sadık: "Guess that's some quality father and son in law bonding time, eh?” S:“Though I'm pretty sure your son would rather call me daddy than you." A: "Once this entire drama is over, I'll have you decapitated. Or just kick you back to your people and let them handle this." S: "Ah, but when I came here as a fake prince, your arms and gates were wide open. Should've listened to your son when he told you so."

- Here’s also some Salvatore content: Athanasios: "And now you strut around in my clothes. I'm surprised they even fit you fatass!" Salvatore: "Oh, the entire imprisonment is really getting to you, ain't it, emperor tightlips? Ah, I meant - ex-emperor tight lips. Now you've sunk low enough to insult me with such details. Is it because you have nothing else left now that you're off your high horse?" Salvatore: "I thought so. At least you're enough of a sound mind to not threaten me with 'once I get out of here' hot air. Because we both know you're not getting out of here in a lifetime anymore. And yes, I’m wearing your rags, since I’ve got no time to waste.” Salvatore to Sadık: "Actually, it's sad that you aren't going to be there to watch it. Although, I think a public execution would just spice the entire wedding festivities up, if I think about it."

- Ah yes. The wedding. Herakles: "You look great today, my love. Like a polished jewel." Michele: "Thanks. I'd never seen a man more handsome than you though. Truly, a prince with all his qualities seen right away." Both: -sigh- Ft. Dilan, who’s just watching the kids sadly and is trying to reassure them she got this, she’s gonna find a way, it’ll be fine!!!

- Herakles and Michele wonder why Sadık didn't use that wish. To which Dilan replies he said he'd free her with it, but she didn't believe he'd actually uphold that promise. And he shouldn't have because now she's useless and he's in trouble. (And Hera only falls more in love with Sadık, because being a good person is HELLA swoony.)

- Dilan also tries to cheer them up and I believe she can still do small magic tricks, she just can't get out of whatever shackles/confinement she is in. So when she isn't despairing or raging, she tries to cheer Herakles and Michele up with some silly little tricks. She shapeshifts into their fathers to make fun of them. Which leads them to an idea ...

- I have no idea what it is though. I only know that the grand final and resolution involves shapeshifting. If anyone who's better at plots wants to give me ideas, please do.

- However they manage to stop Salvatore's machinations, this is what follows: Salvatore gets thrown into the dungeons. Herakles decides to not let his father out and instead take the crown himself. He becomes emperor and marries Sadık. Sadık uses his last wish to set Dilan free. Michele goes to travel to Sicily, promising he’ll write letters to them and come visit some day (Dilan promises the same).

- The end of Salvatore and Athanasios rotting in jail together is SO satisfying to me, bc now that they are useless to each other, there is nothing left to do but be a pain in each other’s ass. They hate each other and they DESERVE EACH OTHER.

Sequel Bait:

- Before we get to the sequel bait, let me give you some prequel bait for a change. Here's a little "what if one of the many suitable matches for Herakles had been one of the Beilschmidt brothers" scenario. Plus free medieval history lesson:

- Now for the actual sequel: Three years come and go. Herakles and Sadık settle in their new rules as emperor and ... emperor's husband. (I don't know if Byzantine empresses were "put into office" in the same way the Emperor was. If someone is more knowledgeable about this than me, correct me).

- Their marriage is going swell, however both struggle in their new official roles. Herakles faces all the administrative problems and tough decisionmaking that comes with being a ruler, while Sadık struggles to be accepted by the people of Constantinople. Where Herakles tends to take care of the court, Sadık tries his hand at being a military leader.

- One morning, Sadık wakes up with Herakles in the room. Which should not be surprising, if it wasn't for the fact that Herakles had left the city yesterday. He's oddly nonchalant about it when Sadık asks him and also ... weirdly chipper? Eager? Kitschy in his flirting? He's at first flattered, but soon very confused by everything and wonders if either he hit his head real hard in his sleep or if Herakles fell off his horse when he tried to make it out of the city.

- Turns out none of it, because after some more eyelash fluttering, his "husband" goes POOF! and turns out to be Dilan, who's on the floor laughing. "You should have seen your stupid face! Really! Wait, I'll show you!"

- After Dilan is done shapeshifting into Sadık, absolutely overacting his reaction and argueing with him about it, they finally get to catch up. Turns out that Dilan was bored by travelling around the world and wanted to check in on her old buddy.

- She couldn't have chosen a more opportune time to do so. Once Herakles returns, he ... at first has a weird reunion with his husband. Sadık is kind of wary around him and starts to list his attitude and general personality traits/ticks as proof for ... something. Takes a while for Herakles to get the news that Dilan is back, too.

- Herakles is very relieved to hear that! He wanted to confide something in Sadık, because after he had returned to the city, someone had taken him aside. Natasa Simonides, an old and trusted courtly advisor, needed help. Recently, her husband Ibrahim disappeared and she's worried.

- Natasa also told Herakles a secret: Ibrahim is a Jinn, which is why his disappearance worries her even more. Herakles informs Sadık and asks Dilan if she knows anything, but she sadly hasn't heard anything either. - Before she can zip off and see if she can find Ibrahim, Herakles asks another favour of her - to educate Natasa's twins, Timothea Farah and Omar Veniam instead. Natasa thinks they may be able to find their father, but they don't know they're half-Jinn, so they'd need some guidance. Dilan happily agrees to be their teacher!

- My only more in-depth infos on Jinn and their children with humans comes from this Monstrum video by PBS Storied. I don't think Thea & Omar would need to be taught by anyone to be seers and how to be in communication with non-human spheres, but it makes for a better story.

- So Dilan is off to teach the kids while Sadık volunteers to go and search for Ibrahim. Herakles resumes his imperial role in the city.

- It's not really fun and as the people become more and more agitated with the status quo, more and more people "remember" that the old emperor is still around. Enough people are going "What's that kid knowing anyways?! All those highfangled ideas and useless reforms, for what?" that a select few decide to stage a coup by releasing Athanasios from the dungeons.

- Now, I still haven't decided if Salvatore also gets let out. The problem is that I really would begrudge him his freedom ... but I also begrudge Athanasios his freedom! It doesn't feel fair that one bastard gets to walk free and the other doesn't!

- Out in the field, Sadık isn't having much more luck. No Jinn in sight and the trouble he has with a few of the men that accompany him keeps him thinking about the acceptance problems again. He really wishes at one point that Herakles wasn't emperor at all. You can imagine how terrible he feels for these thoughts when news of the coup catches up to them. Be careful what you wish for and all that jazz. On top of that, he gets into trouble as well - betrayed by some of the men he had taken along. He gets stuck in some place like a cave or an abandoned house he was investigating ...

- Sadık finds a large sealed bottle and thinks 'Well, what's the worst that could happen?' He is greeted by a GIANT cloud of smoke instead of anything edible/drinkable. By the time the cloud is human-shaped, he already has a giant grin on his face. Sadık: "Hah! I have a sixth sense for this kind of stuff!" Jinn: "Greetings, mor-" Sadık: "Yeah, yeah, quick question, is your name Ibrahim? Or do you know one of your kind called Ibrahim who's been passing through recently?" Jinn: "My name is Ibrahim - " Sadık: "Great! You know a Greek lady called Natasa? I take that look as a yes. Okay, so first wish is to get us out of here, second wish we'll see, third is like freeing you from the whole servitude bit - You do the three wishes thing, right? Anyways, your wife and kids are wishing for dad to come home, so get us out of here, you'll get explanations on the way back."

- In the meantime, Dilan and her protégés, along with Natasa and Herakles, have been trying to figure out how to solve the problem at court. It doesn't help that the news of Sadık's troubles also reached them (I know the speed of spreading information may be historically hella inaccurate, but I need it for the drama). So Dilan is torn between helping her best bud and helping the rest at court. The Greeks cook up a plan and assure her that she should go and help Sadık, they've got this.

- The plan is to get Athanasios to do something incredibly stupid that would immediately turn the people against him. They exploit the fact that Athanasios likes to listen to words that fall from pretty lady's mouths. So Timothea flatters her eyelashes and promises to tell him something of a vision she had ... that the divine has something to tell him through her. (Don't worry for her, she may have to endure his fingers under her chin, which is infuriating and nauseous enough, but no more skin contact than this). Thea gets backed by her brother to lend it more credibility once Athanasios considers with his head and not his dick.

- And we can all appreciate that Dilan has been sent away, otherwise the scene would have been like this: Thea: "The spirits are talking to me about you ... " Dilan: "Mhm, mhm, indeed, I can hear them to. They're saying that you're a bitch!"

- Dilan in the meantime reaches Sadık, Ibrahim and those of his troop that haven't betrayed and abandoned him as soon as they heard of the coup. A little happy reunion before she immediately fills them in on what's happening.

- They come up with a plan themselves to finally get rid of Athanasios and the Simonides and Herakles have begun to sweat a little back home, because Athanasios mistake of listening to the twins' advice has bought them time, but not really solved the problem yet. Which is when Dilan and Ibrahim sweep in, concocting an illusion powerful enough to wrap up everyone in Constantinople and make Athanasios seem like the literal devil. Some mass-hallucination miracle bullshit, truly, to assert that he doesn't deserve the throne.

- Maybe for good measure, Athanasios disappears after the illusion is over. Dilan and Ibrahim have no idea where he went, they say with a smile.

- Another grand finale! The four lovers are reunited, Thea and Omar are overjoyed to have their dad back and he is overjoyed to have his kids back. When Dilan tells the Simonides twins that they did a great job, she's a good teacher after all haha!, Ibrahim and Natasa invite her to stay. Dilan says that they don't need her, surely, now that Ibrahim can teach them, but Ibrahim says he could use some help. Herakles also encourages her, saying that he'd love to have her at court - and Sadık also bullies her into staying. "What do you wanna do, see the world again? Didn't do much for your peanut brain the first time around, maybe hit the books together with Hera so that you'll be a passable teacher some day."

- Dilan and Omar also have evolved a crush on one another during this entire mess. That's what I'll leave you with - all well that ends well.

Also hey you! Thanks for reading all of this! Here's a little bonus content if you made it this far!

A wonderful fanart of Michele and Salvatore by my beloved friend C0FFINATED over on twitter!

Here's an amazing commission of the Greeks and Turks by @captkirkland ! I'm not sure if I'm allowed to repost the pictures myself on tumblr & you shoud reblog it from him anyways. Show him and his amazing art some love! From left to right it's Timothea, Herakles, Omar, then Dilan, Sadık and Havva (who's not featured in this AU, rip. Things would have worked to well with their brainpower).

Thanks for reading this! Hope you have a wonderful day!

[pomegranates-and-blood]

νοσταλγία (Chapter 22)

νοσταλγία Masterlist

Pairing: Ivar/Reader

Summary: This is a retelling/romantization of the Greek myth of Persephone’s abduction with Ivar as Hades and you as Persephone. The Reader character is a Byzantine woman, follower of the Greek Pantheon/Religion, and a devoted follower of Persephone. This takes place after 5A, but the universe of this is a little changed in relation with the series, of course. Thank you for giving it a chance, hope you enjoy!

Word Count: 3.3k

Warnings: The usual

A/N: Hi! I’m sorry, this chapter kinda jumps around a lot, like seven different things happen, I’m sorry. A few chapters are gonna be like this, I’m afraid.

Also, some things at the beginning refer to stuff mentioned/detailed in Ivar’s PoV, which will be uploaded on Tuesday, so any doubts regarding what is mentioned about those first few days after the wedding will hopefully be cleared up then. Regardless of that, I always welcome any and all questions, of course!

Thank you for reading, sorry for the long note, love ya!

Taglist: @youbloodymadgenius @heavenly1927 @toe-vind-ek-jou @xbellaxcarolinax @pieces-by-me @angelofthorr @samsationalwilson @peachyboneless @1950schick​

The celebrations for Ivar’s wedding last more than a few days, you lose count -refuse to count, if you are honest-. It proves to be…not as awful as you believed, to be his wife, to be queen.

You are still by no accounts used to people calling you that. You sooner grew used to Ivar calling you his wife -which he does, a lot- than to the people of Kattegat calling you their Queen.

Of course, Ivar has noticed. He is exceedingly good at noticing things about you, in a way that if you were a sane woman, would frighten you.

The ring you bear on your hand, you noticed once the blood was washed off, is engraved with runes you aren’t familiar with, but bears the design of branches and leaves. A wreath of flowers to wrap around your finger instead of being placed on your head.

The crown he gifted you on the first morning you spent as husband and wife is also skilled metalwork with the delicate motif of flowers. You asked why, and his answer was, simply enough, that he knows you like flowers.

On that same first morning he also pointed out he’s noticed your very deliberate intention to avoid having your hair braided in any way. It resulted in this silly game that still goes on, where you exchange a braid in your hair for the day for a question he must answer with the truth.

You’ve learned many things, and the thralls have been told to make intricate work of the braids he insists on seeing on you. You’ve learned more of Sigurd, and how he is somewhere in the Danes with an Earldom and a child on the way; you’ve learned of what happened with Margrethe when Ivar was younger, you’ve learned of his ambitions to be even more of a legend than his father ever was, you’ve learned of what he thought of you when he saw you across that battlefield.

And it is not just Ivar that has learned to notice things about the person at his side. You have grown keener to noticing the tells in his expression, in his voice, in his posture.

It is terrifyingly easy to find routine amidst all this madness. To find safety, peace.

It has always proven to be easy, when it comes to Ivar, for you to forget there’s a world past him. In Aneridge, the door to the hut closed and there were no Saxons, no dead and no living, no names. And now, here in Kattegat, you sit at his side on a throne of your own and there’s no chains, no past or future, no walls.

And now, in the borrowed time that it seems both you and Stithulf live in, there’s a freedom in being at his side you weren’t able to allow yourself before.

You know it should scare you, and sometimes it does. When easy steps guide you to him every night and familiar fingers run down your back unlacing your dress, you feel that in reveling in this familiarity, in being soothed by this strange peace, you betray your people, your home. When you slip under the furs of your shared bed and close your eyes and feel safe and warm and like you’d never want to leave, you are haunted by the question of why you deserve to choke with the hope you can still taste so long after the kiss you shared with Ivar, while Narses choked with the poison you fed him until the day he died.

____

You’ve realized many things, in these past few weeks.

Something they don’t speak of, something you frankly hadn’t considered before now; is how, regardless of your intentions, intimacy grows between two people that share most aspects of their lives, and every night they go to sleep together and wake up every morning together.

It makes you realize, the easy familiarity, the reluctant intimacy, that grow between you and Ivar, why it is so easy for arranged or unwanted marriages to fall into contempt, into resentment for one another.

Granted, that intimacy, that trust to close your eyes and trust you are safe even if alongside someone you did not want; it also explains the respect, the formal but honest affection you saw in the marriages of many elders back home.

If you are honest with yourself, which is something you’ve been trying to do more often, you know you will not grow to resent Ivar, you know you trusted him even before he became your husband.

No, you know -and fear, you fear to your very core- that all this familiarity, this intimacy, does is soften your foolish heart, make your chest fill with a warmth you shouldn’t feel in this land of cold.

But it doesn’t matter, you don’t have to make a choice, not yet. You don’t have to face what the choices you would have made would have said about you, for you didn’t make them; and you don’t have to face what this choice you could make says about you, because you haven’t made it yet.

It is a strange limbo to live on, a limbo that may last months or days or years, but you find you do not mind.

Point is, you’ve realized many things, in these last weeks.

This morning, as Ivar gets out of bed and in his absence lets the cold air enter the space he occupied before with no regard to your body so unused to Scandinavia’s cold, you also realize why so many women kill their husbands.

You grumble curses in your own tongue as you burrow further under the furs, and you could swear he huffs a laugh in response. Regardless of your reluctance, you know you are to get up soon as you hear the thralls walk in and leave the platters and pitchers on a nearby table.

You quickly prepare and let the infusion of red clover and chickweed sit before you skip your way over frozen ground to the dress you quickly fasten around you.

With your feet in the warm shoes and your body covered in something more than a flimsy nightgown that does nothing to protect you from the cold, you go along with what, surprisingly enough, has become another familiar routine for you since becoming his wife.

Turning your back to Ivar you fasten an earring as he tightens and ties the laces at the back of your dress.

Taking one hand off his task, he touches the hanging pendant that now adorns your ear, and asks,

“These are new.”

“A gift,” Before he can ask from whom, because of course he would, as if someone would be stupid enough to try and court Ivar the Boneless’ wife, you shrug, “A shieldmaiden gave them to me.”

“Why are you surprised? You are their Queen; they should want to earn your favor.”

With a shrug, you offer the only truth you can, “They don’t hate me, your people. I thought they would.

You sigh, and work on putting your other earring as you think on how to say this.

“I want you t-…” You stop yourself, and clearing your throat start over, “I have noticed that you shouldered a responsibility that was supposed to be mine, and I know-…Life hasn’t changed much for me or for the people here since I’ve become their queen, and…I know it is part of the reason they don’t hate me,” You straighten your head as Ivar finishes lacing up the dress, and turn around to face him. “I want you to know I am grateful.

But because pride wins, you join your hands in front of you and add,

“This could all have been avoided if you hadn’t forced me to marry you, of course. But, regardless, I…”

“You are welcome.” He interrupts you, his expression in equal parts exasperated and smug as he silences you.

You take a seat and wrap cold fingers around the hot drink, lifting your feet from the floor and bringing your knees closer to your chest.

Choosing to test how well you’ve taught Ivar your language, and how well he’s taken to understand it, you start, slowly and enunciating clearly,

“How far along are we from winter?”

He replies with a smug smile and a tilt of his head,

“A month, at most.”

“Your Greek is getting better.” You reply, knowing pride seeps through your voice.

“Your Norse is still that of a Greek.” He taunts without missing a beat, and you roll your eyes even if your own lips betray a smile.

The doors to your rooms open and you are startled into attention. Prince Ubbe stalks into the room, muddied and battle-worn, but his eyes, and his rage, are settled on his brother.

The Prince departed what you’d like to say is two -three?- weeks ago, shortly after the wedding, to follow a trail further North with a small army. Ivar ordered him to, even if you know Stithulf will retreat to Strepshire.

As to why Ubbe was sent North, you don’t know. Maybe Ivar knew of some route to some village, maybe he knew something he didn’t share with you or his brothers. You don’t know.

What you do know, is that Prince Ubbe has returned and apparently has done so with a lot of pent up anger. You lower your legs back to a proper position, and stay silent and still as you wait for an explanation as to why the Viking barged into your rooms.

Ivar smiles, the cruel visage of the King of Kattegat as he starts to play, “Welcome back, brother. What did you find?”

The other man snarls, “Nothing. Not a fucking trail, Ivar. The Saxons are not traveling North, and we just gave them all the time they needed to get away.”

But Ivar doesn’t seem phased at all, shaking his head with a knowing and mocking smile.

“I know. They are moving for Strepshire.” He assures. You frown his way, begging him silently to stop being so fucking secretive.

The Prince finally takes notice of you, and a wide gesture of a big and dirtied hand towards where you sit precedes his loud words,

“Why are you so certain? Don’t tell me it’s because of what your witch tells you, brother, be-…”

Ivar interrupts him, mocking smile dimming and seriousness settling in his features, even as he speaks with gesturing hands and raised eyebrows, “Because my wife was right. If they think we are not pursuing them they will move. I sent men disguised as merchants to travel the area, and while your little army made noise on the other side, they caught the Saxons moving for Strepshire.”

You are startled into silence, and for a moment you think so is his brother. Counting on his vitriol and his reluctant agreement with many of the things you say when the Vikings argue of the war against Stithulf and his men, you never expected Ivar to take your words to mind when planning his next move, not truly.

Prince Ubbe’s expression starts to switch from an enraged snarl and the eyes of a man raging over presumed failure; to realization and a hint of a surprised smile hidden under his beard.

“You sent me on a blind chase,” He huffs, fond exasperation in his voice, “You little shit, you could have told me the purpose was to distract them.”

Ivar shrugs, even if the mocking and mirth is still on his eyes, the tension between the brothers seems to lessen.

“It wouldn’t have been as convincing, brother.”

Half-hearted curses flow from Ubbe’s lips as he clasps one hand roughly on his younger brother’s shoulder, shaking the other Viking as he laughs. You have a feeling secrets of blood shared flow between them in those brief interactions, so you lower your gaze to your red clover and chickweed infusion and watch the herbs twirl.

“Witch,” The Prince calls, and you lift your gaze. With a sigh, he amends, using your name instead of the unwanted title before he continues, “I do value your counsel,” Your skepticism shows in your face, for the man huffs a short laugh and corrects, “I should value it.”

“Thank you, Prince Ubbe.”

The older man takes his leave and when Ivar returns his gaze from the door to you, he frowns when faced with your wide smile.

“What?”

“You trust me.” You boast, a giggle leaving your lips. Ivar rolls his eyes in response, taking some almonds from a platter in the table and eating as you still stare at him with a smile.

“You are a strange woman.” He mumbles in response, but you shrug.

“I have been called worse,” Seeing he refuses to acknowledge your words, you insist, “And you trust me.”

Ivar’s eyes narrow, “I don’t trust easily.”

Whether that is a rebuttal of your claim or a warning to honor his trust in you, you cannot know for certain. Instead of giving him an answer, you offer a smile and drink from the almost scalding infusion.

____

“If we reach out to Sigurd, we can get a legal claim on that land, our people can-…”

“We don’t need a legal claim if we erase the Saxons from the earth, Ubbe. We can gather a bigger army, we can return to York, start raiding from there again.” The King interrupts his brother, and the other man is quick to jump into a discussion. The Prince’s voice raises, his hands gesture wildly, and of course it all is returned tenfold by the King.

Your eyes travel from Ivar to his oldest brother, back and forth as the two argue on and on and on and…

It has surely been too long of this, and you have only been here a couple of months. Hvitserk, on the other hand, has been dealing with this for Hera knows how long. He may be close to planning a coup and murdering both of his brothers, and you cannot say you would blame him.

You find Hvitserk’s gaze across the table, a middle ground between the two sons of Ragnar here in Kattegat in more ways than one. While Ivar yells for the army and resources to move for Wessex again and Ubbe argues with gritted teeth about earning more land to settle North; Hvitserk bites into an apple, granting you a half-hearted shrug in response to the rising voices of his brothers.

You hide your own smile behind the rim of your cup as you drink. Soon enough you and the Prince find yourselves discreetly battling for dominance as you throw almonds to battle his cashews, playing in turns to try and throw the pieces carefully so that they push the enemy pieces off the imaginary board.

The game evolves and changes, and after a while you are breathing little laughs as you try aiming some dried fruits and nuts into Hvitserk’s open mouth.

You ready another throw of a dried piece of some strange fruit, but a hand grabbing onto your wrist stops you. You lift startled eyes to meet Ivar’s enraged ones.

“Would you two stop acting like fucking children?” He growls, eyes jumping between you and his brother.

“We are having fun, brother,” Hvitserk answers around a mocking smile, drinking from his cup before adding, “Not that you would know what it is.”

You keep your gaze on Ivar’s profile as you pointedly tug your wrist out of his grasp, even as his attention remains on his brother.

“Hivtserk…” Ubbe sighs, and you watch him drag a hand over his face.

“What?” The other Prince shrugs, defiant before he turns eyes to the King. “He keeps her chained to his side, like some pretty bird in a cage. Least he could do is keep her happy.”

“So you’ll be the one to keep your brother’s wife happy?” Ubbe presses with a shake of his head, “Just shut up and eat.”

“I kept yours pretty happy, didn’t I, Ubbe?”

Instead of letting the conversation between the Princes go on, Ivar asks, cruel and cold but you know there’s more anger to him than his tone lets on,

“You want to fuck her, is that it?”

Well, that wasn’t what you were expecting. You turn wide eyes from the King to his brother, but Hvitserk only smiles slightly, completely calm.

“Ivar!” You hiss quietly, but he doesn’t even turn to you.

“All of Kattegat wants into her bed, brother,” Hvitserk replies, drawling out the words, “But you know this already.”

Ivar shows a smile as cold as it is feral, and even if it is not directed at you -thankfully- you still feel a thrill of cold run down your spine. Not so difficult to imagine, if that’s how he looks at his own brother, why the people of Kattegat fear their warlord King.

“And do you?” Ivar insists, making you frown.

“I didn’t take you for the sharing kind, brother.” Hvitserk replies easily, a merciless sort of mischief shining in his warm eyes.

“Stop this,” You warn, raising your voice a bit and dreading the few eyes that turn to look. Glancing at the Prince in silent admonishment, that he surprisingly accepts by lifting a hand in silent surrender; you then turn to your husband and state lowly, “It does not matter, I married you. I am your wife and I will not be spoken of as a slave to be passed around.”

He shakes off the touch of your hand on his arm, a gesture you didn’t even realize you did. Not noticing you had reached out to touch him, it shouldn’t hurt as it does to see him reject you, but it does.

“I think it’s time you go prepare for tonight’s feast, wife.” He dismisses without even looking at you, cold fury in his voice.

Even though you did nothing wrong, even if it is not your fault his temper flares without warning or motive; he dismisses you like an unwanted pet.

You grit your teeth and beg to Persephone, Freyja and all the Gods that your eyes do not betray the furious and powerless tears even if your eyes sting as you stand up and walk away.

The Gods made you many things, but none of the things you are would walk out with lowered eyes, with your head downcast, letting a man forget what he has done when trying to silence you.

____

When you are summoned to stand alongside Ivar for the start of the feast, you walk in with your head held high and what is sure to be what Sieghild called your Athenian nobility shining through in every step you take.

You cross your legs, and tilt your head to the side. Your mother very obviously bristles at the display.

“Narses will follow my-…”

“Commands?” Galla interrupts, sly smile on full lips.

“Advice. He will refuse to negotiate with the Saracens,” You insist, before shrugging, “There are no pacts-…”

“Don’t say it.” Sieghild warns, but you ignore it.

“Between lions and men.” You finish with a smug smile. Your mother sighs in exasperation, rolls her eyes and drops her head to the back of the chair she sits in.

“Gods above. I dread to imagine the kind of uptight little monster you’d be if I hadn’t been the one to raise you.” Sieghild grunts.

“Yes, thank you, Sieghild. You raised a noble-blooded Athenian with the courage of a Varangian. A delightful woman to be around, especially when she doesn’t get her way.” Galla grumbles before standing up with a curse, and you frown.

“Hey, I can hear you, both of you.”

You bow your head in greeting to the Princes and King, and you could swear Ubbe and Hvitserk share a look between them, but say nothing.

Once the people are distracted enough, Ivar leans towards you from his place on the throne and states, “You are angry with me.”

“What a perceptive man you are, truly.”

“Don’t mock me, it won’t end well for you.”

“What will you do? Humiliate me in front of everyone?” You intone with a tilt of your head, furious eyes set on his.

____

Hope you liked this, would love to hear your thoughts on this! As for why this was the mess that it was, idk, my writing either drags on and on or is a convoluted mess, I don’t have a middle ground it seems. I’m very sorry if this chapter is a shabby one, I did my best. Thank you for reading, have a nice day/night! <3

[swaglexander-the-great]

Yakuza: Like A Dragon

I just watched the 2007 Yakuza: Like a Dragon film and DEAR GOD I need to share this experience (Spoilers, of course)

Firstly, this film just... makes NO sense. Some (MAIN) characters are not connected to each other in any way. Who are they? No explanation. Why are they here? Who Knows. Just watch them go heat mad from 32 degrees celsius and rob various stores until one of them gets shot. She breaks the news to her boyfriend that she is mortally wounded by saying ‘i will never have ur kids’ (they have never discussed children, and are like 18). The bf is, understandably baffled by this choice of words to explain a fatal bullet wound

There is a masochistic guy who Majima beats up in a basement, and to get to said basement, Majima deadlifts a door off the wall to reveal an elevator. This guy also gets punched by Kiryu and LOVES it

Bank robbery that is drawn out throughout the whole plot, but literally doesn’t go anywhere. It’s just two dudes going heat mad because something (God??) broke the air con during their heist

Kiryu’s Ass. This man has cake for DAYS. It deflects the rubble of a skyscraper at one point.

 (^^kiryu’s distractingly huge ass)

5. it took me 90% of the movie to figure out 3 depressed men in a bar were meant to be Kiryu’s host friends

6. Nishikiyama is only in the movie for 2.5 seconds and looks like an absolute, total geed

(^ my sleep paralysis demon)

7. Date-san is jarringly tall 8|

8. Apparently everyone in the city is going mad from global warming and a 3 degree raise in the overall temperature, and to combat this, Haruka chugs water.

9. Kiryu walks into a bar and three people bow on instinct alone

10. Korean assassins appear for some reason?? One of them serves drinks to 20+ policemen trapped in a 45 degree van, which has a loony-tunes style heat gauge in it

11. Majima finds a shotgun and straight up obliterates like 6 people

12. Scenes are cut into weird stop motion sometimes?? Why?? It’s usually with Majima, so maybe he just Moves Like That

13. Kiryu takes haruka, a little girl, to a brothel. The doorman leads him into a bar with a couch facing a curtain. Kiryu feels a ping in his spider-senses and dives behind the couch. At the sound of a gong, the curtain opens to reveal Majima on a golden pimp throne with a shotgun as his men fire at the now Kiryu-less couch. Majima rebukes kiryu: You brought a CHILD to a BrOTHEL??

(Glory Be)

14. Majima and Kiryu cock empty shotguns at each other for 10 seconds straight. They also punch each other in the face in what seems like an unbreakable loop for the same amount of time.

15. This Iconic moment

(what does your Eye Patch see, Majima-san?)

16. Majima smacks baseballs into Kiryu’s firm abs until the guy who throws the baseballs fucking dies. I’m pretty sure this is some sort of test, and if Kiryu passes, he gets Majima’s hand in marriage.

17. Kiryu passes the test, which leads us to whatever THIS scene is

(yes, that is a mirror ceiling in the top picture [ft. kiryu’s bubble butt], and yes, there is far too much weird grunting in this scene)

18. It is at this point that the tone of the film goes from artistically bizarre to confusingly horny (including one whole scene of Nishiki just walking and stripping off his clothes)

(get ur hand off Kiryu’s thicc bountiful ass, Nishiki)

19. Three major characters (Nishiki, Yumi, and Jingu) appear in the final 10 minutes with probably 1 line of dialogue to build up who they are through the entire film, only all to be immediately killed. I may, however, have become confused, as Nishiki, Jingu and Kazama’s names were all translated as Sanada (??) and Yumi was translated as... Jenny even though you could HEAR THEM SAYING THE NAMES.

21.  Kazama’s name was also translated to Majima, and then finally to Kazuro for some fucking reason

22. There is no explanation to why or how the ten billion is stolen. It just Was. The how is the most confusing part, as it is not a digital transaction, it is literally a comedically huge pile of cash as per the game

23. A helicopter causes a magnitude 6.1 earthquake and just casually smashes through some buildings, but is undamaged. Majima’s masochistic basement slut prays to be crushed by the helicopter earthquake. It also vibrates Majima back to life after he’s shot by Kiryu’s dad for sitting on Kiryu’s face (see above)

24. A very dramatic scene of Kiryu drinking an energy drink while the seven grown men who surround him scream

(he then bursts into flame)

25. The Korean assassins assassinate Jingu who is literally onscreen for 1 second. Yumi now blows herself up for no reason. Kiryu does not try to stop her. Kiryu respects her resolve, and his enormous cake saves him and Haruka from being crushed by the resulting rubble

26. majima just crawls out through karumocho to the batting cages to dramatically die on their stairs. His drama is foiled by a sneeze, and he realizes he is in fact not dying, but may have just caught a cold.

27. Kiryu absolutely seems to love Majima even though Majima literally murders people, beats him to a pulp, and tries to actually kill him.

28. It is never explained who Kazama is. He just appears out of the blue, and vanishes into money-filled mist at the end.

29. The violence swings between goofy gags and actually good fighting (classic yakuza), nothing is explained unless you’ve played the game, kiryu, the main protagonist spends half his time wandering around aimlessly with a girl and a dog (not explained why he has acquired these, at some point in the movie they just Appear), and at one point I think it turned into a musical so briefly that it seems like I imagined that scene

30. All in all 10/10, would watch again. Please, somebody make a friend who has never played Yakuza watch this and see what they make of it