#he's got his own studio in her garage

[bunnithechubs]

breaking news: she would date men her age but they're all dead!

[5sospenguinqueen]

Just Another - Fernando Alonso x Reader

Summary: Fernando and his wife live busy lives between their children, his races and her music. That doesn't mean they don't find time to themselves

Warnings: Fluff. Suggestive comment. Pregnancy

Requested: Yes by anon

F1 Masterlist

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fernandoalo_official just posted

liked by aussiegrit, lance_stroll and others

fernandoalo_official home races are always special but more so when mi familia are in the garage. we shall give it our all tomorrow 🇪🇸💛 #españa

3,314 comments

yn_alonso can we have that wall in our bedroom

→ fernandoalo_official no but i will get it put in your studio

→ yn_alonso my muse 💛

landonorris mini alonso’s!! nobody told me they were in the paddock

→ fernandoalo_official because you fed them too much sugar last time and i got into trouble 

user i love when we get glimpses of the alonso family

→ user yes! it’s so rare. like, i appreciate that they’re private but something about dad nando does things for me

→ yn_alonso same 

→ user baby #3 incoming? 

liked by fernandoalo_official 

lance_stroll my weekends are so much calmer when yn is in the garage 

→ astonmartinf1 same. tour ends when?

→ yn_alonso is he still terrorising you?

→ fernandoalo_official no! 

→ user aha, admin begging yn to stop being famous in her own right so that nando behaves

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yn_alonso just posted

liked by kellypiquet, lewishamilton and others

yn_alonso thank you, london 🇬🇧 british crowds are always the loudest

4,416 comments

fernandoalo_official you performed beautifully, mi corazón

→ yn_alonso because i had my biggest supporter in the crowd

→ user you mean to tell me that fernando is supposed to be racing at silverstone tomorrow but stayed up late to watch his wife perform?

→ user and you can guarantee, she’ll be up early to go to the paddock with him

→ yn_alonso that’s love, darlings 

lewishamilton thank you for inviting me. always an honour to see you perform

→ user yn and xnda collab when? 

charles_leclerc alex says thank you for inviting her

→ yn_alonso with how loud she was singing along, she is allowed always 

→ alexandrasaintmleux i think i’ve died 

user we were near where fernando, lewis and charles were. and the way fernando stared up at her

→ user omg yes. i got a video of him when she was singing the love song she wrote for him. i swear he didn’t blink once

user i love that they’re a secret couple but i also need more alonso family content

user anyone else think they fucked up the lighting for her concert? couldn't see the bottom half of her

→ user she wasn’t dancing as much either? 

→ francisca.cgomes she actually did an amazing job

liked by yn_alonso

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fernandoalo_official just posted

liked by jensonbutton, sebastianvettel and others

fernandoalo_official how is my youngest bebé four. they grow so fast. feliz cumpleaños, hijo mio. we celebrate at his favourite place in the world #disneyland

3,281 comments

user you mean his favourite place isn’t the AMF1 factory? 

→ astonmartinf1 or the paddock?

user whoa, you mean his favourite race car isn’t #14?

lance_stroll but he said his favourite place was my garage the other week

→ astonmartinf1 and to think, we let him sit in the car

yn_alonso well done, mi amour, you’ve upset the world of f1 by admitting that our son’s favourite race car is lightning mcqueen

→ fernandoalo_official i didn’t realise everyone would take it so personally 

→ yn_alonso now you know how i felt when our eldest said his favourite singer was gloria estefan 

aussiegrit the boys are growing so fast. looks like he had an amazing day

→ fernandoalo_official he said his favourite present was the remote control lightning mcqueen from uncle mark

→ jensonbutton but uncle jenson got him an electric ferrari?

→ user uncle mark and uncle jenson!!! 

→ yn_alonso the true loves of fernando’s life

liamlawson30 this is a party i can get behind 

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yn_alonso just posted

liked by estebanocon, alexandrasaintmleux and others

yn_alonso unfortunately, there won’t be a tour with this one so i’m cooking a few new songs… with a helper, of course 

5,533 comments

user wait, what does she mean no tour?! 

→ user apparently she’s taking a break :( 

charles_leclerc i see he’s putting uncle charlie's piano lessons to good use

→ yn_alonso he might end up replacing you on the backing track

→ charles_leclerc the student outshines the master 😧

astonmartinf1 hang on, i thought we were teaching him to drive an f1 car, not become an international music star 

→ yn_alonso you’ve already taken my eldest, and you’re swaying my youngest but i’m still fighting 

→ fernandoalo_official that’s why we need another

→ user omg he wants another baby! 

→ yn_alonso well done, mi vida

user so we’re not going to see her at zandvoort this weekend?

→ user holding out hope that this is a pre-scheduled post

→ user tbf, she’s about to have 3 weeks of nando so perhaps she’s soaking up some quiet time before he’s home 

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astonmartinf1 just posted

liked by lance_stroll, pierregasly and others

astonmartinf1 the alonso’s have entered the paddock #dutchgp

1,814 comments

fernandoalo_official and she’s looking beautiful doing it

→ yn_alonso flatterer 

user yay! yn is here

→ user she was defo trying to trick us by making us think she was back home in spain recording 

user okay but the blue dress is gorgeous 

user she makes fernando look like just some guy 

liked by fernandoalo_official 

yn_alonso it’s nice to see how much i was wanted here

→ fernandoalo_official you’re always wanted by me, mi amor

→ yn_alonso yeah, that’s the problem

→ user ummm? i can’t tell if they’re being raunchy 

→ user well, they do have two kids only a year apart 

lance_stroll i can already hear a more peaceful weekend settling upon me

user i swear that’s a bump

→ user you can barely see her front?

→ user i’m telling you, from other angles, she has a bump

→ user nurse, she got out again

user she spent the entire weekend hiding in his garage?? what was the point in coming?

→ user maybe because she comes to watch her husband, not parade around for your pleasure 

yn_alonso posted a new story

alexandrasaintmleux replied (pic 2) yes but you look so pretty  → ynalo_private don’t let charles get you pregnant → it seems like a great idea at first until you reach the final trimester alexandrasaintmleux replied (pic 3) omg you had her! → congratulations, yn. how’re you feeling? → i can’t wait to meet her

lance_stroll replied (pic 1) why do you insist on making fernando alonso thirst traps cross my instagram? → ynalo_private because you follow me and i love my husband  → and i repost all the ones fans make to show my support  → lance_stroll when is he retiring? → ynalo_private never lance_stroll replied (pic 3) baby girl alonso is here! and this is how i found out!  → ynalo_private in my defence, i just had a baby. critical thinking is not my strong suit right now → and this is how we told everyone 

charles_leclerc replied le bébé! oh, félicitations to you and fernando → how are you feeling? she looks beautiful

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fernandoalo_official just posted

liked by scuderiaferrari, lance_stroll and others

fernandoalo_official autumn break brings some new changes to mi familia 💛

11,331 comments

aussiegrit congratulations, mate. such a beautiful family

→ yn_alonso they’re looking forward to uncle mark joining us for family dinner on sunday, yes?

→ aussiegrit yes, ma’am. i’ll be there

jensonbutton a huge congratulations from brittny and i. we can’t wait to meet the newest member of the alonso family 

kimimatiasraikkonen congratulations

lewishamilton beautiful family 🫶🏾

landonorris was your weekend in paris spent with him trying to convince you to have baby #4?

→ fernandoalo_official who let you have access to your accounts again?

→ landonorris so yes

→ danielricciardo mate, you basically just told the world they spent a weekend away shagging

→ yn_alonso and thank you for that, daniel. you’re both off my christmas card list 

→ landonorris wait, no. we’ve not met baby girl yet!

user excuse me, is he trying to sneak in a whole extra child?

→ user we didn't even know she was pregnant!

→ user clearly yn loves dad nando as much as we do 😏

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Requests are open. Carlos Sainz has joined the mix

[eff4freddie]

After She Left | Seven

Words: 7k Minors DNI

As it becomes increasingly clear Sarah's mom is here to stay in Jackson, you realise whatever's going on with you and Joel needs to stop. It's fine, because you've already decided you're not that sad about it. Telling Ellie you can't tutor her anymore, though...that one's going to be tough.

Chapter warnings: Finally get to some of the SMUT team! Oral (f receiving), tiny little bit of dirty talk

A/N: Things are still a little bit crap for me but writing has actually been a nice release (heh). I know some people aren't feeling super safe around here at the moment, but I want to reiterate you will always be safe with me. And in the meantime I will just keep writing my angsty smut for my own amusement, and suggest ya'll do, too.

Six | Series Masterlist | Eight

The new arrivals cleared quarantine in 48 hours. The two men, Wren and Steven, were put up in a share house with a few of the other men around town but Shauna was given her own place, a studio out the back of Tommy’s, nothing much more than a converted garage. Joel didn’t understand why Tommy wanted her so close, and also understood exactly, seeing as how he wanted to both crawl out of his skin when he thought of her, and also into her chest.

He waited exactly a day and a half after she settled into her studio before knocking on her door. The evening was just settling in, and it had been a warm day, the kind of day that gives you a warning of the summer about to descend. She wasn’t even surprised when she opened the door to him. Just beckoned him inside, pushed some old blankets off a chair and pulled it out for him.

The place had a long window running up near the ceiling to let the light in, but other than that it was cool, dark.

‘You’ll need heat in the winter,’ he said, smelling mildew. He wondered how long it had been since anyone had been back here. Tommy didn’t even use it to store his tools.

‘You got any suggestions?’ Shauna asked, smiling thinly at him.

‘Move into a better place,’ he replied.

She snorted. ‘Figure I got a couple of months to figure that out I guess,’ she replied.

‘So you’re stayin’? You settlin’ in?’ Joel asked her, firing questions at her like an interrogation, hearing it in his voice, the sadness and the fear and the sound of something tinkling at the bottom of a well.

‘Don’t know, Joel,’ she replied, sitting heavy on the bed while he stood up, took three or four paces before he had to turn around and pace back again. There was a bare bulb hanging in the middle of the room. He checked for outlets, found a few where you could set up a nice lamp. He had one she could borrow, over by the bed, so she could read of a nighttime.

‘Fuck, Shauna,’ he started, and she shrugged at him. ‘You had no idea I was here?’

‘How could I have, Joel?’ she asked. In the half-light the curls of her hair glowed around her head like a crown. He could remember the smell of Sarah’s shampoo, the first time he’d been able to recall it in years.

‘Twenty-five years and you happen to head here?’

‘Of all the gin-joints…’ she started, but he raised his hand to stop her. He couldn’t do jokes right now. He couldn’t do much but gawp at her and try and get his brain to stay with him, here in this moment, in this little garage at the end of the Earth.

‘I just…I never thought I’d see you again.’

‘I know, baby,’ she said, and he winced a little at the nickname. She caught it, cheeks red at the habit. ‘Sorry,’ she said, when he glared at her. ‘Mistake.’

‘What do we do now? How do we do this?’ he asked, turning to her. She had always been good with the decisions. Had made him eat healthy, not stay out too late, had filled his head with ambitions of owning his own business, of bringing Tommy on with him, showing him the ropes. He remembered then that she didn’t know he’d done it, that she’d been right, and he’d never let her have that. He opened his mouth to tell her, catching himself just in time.

‘I don’t know, Joel. Wren and Steve are here, and we’ve been a pretty tight crew for a while…’

‘You with one of them?’ he asked, and she smiled.

When she’d been pregnant, properly pregnant, her bump finally poking out from beneath her ribcage, Joel had developed a habit of resting his hand on it in supermarkets, out for dinner with Tommy and her parents, would follow her to the bar and rest his chin on her shoulder as she ordered a seltzer and a beer for him. Even then, barely out of school and struggling to grow into his limbs he was protective of her, possessive of her and the baby in her belly. There were times she could practically hear him chanting ‘my girls, my girls, mine,’ as she walked beside him.

‘It’s complicated,’ she said, after a while. ‘They’re brothers. I met them coming out of the QZ in Kansas, and its...well, y’know how brothers share.’

She watched as he reared back, his shoulders rising so fast he nearly knocked into his earlobes.

‘You’re with both of them?’ he asked, and he could hear how panicked he sounded, and couldn’t be certain what was behind it, but he didn’t like it, didn’t like Wren or Steven, didn’t trust ‘em.

‘Technically, Joel, I’m not with either of them. Not with with. Just…it gets cold on the sides of mountains. It gets hard to keep going. It’s about…securing the bond. Loyalty.’

‘Jesus Christ,’ he said, cocking a knee and wresting his hands on his hips. ‘Are you…in some kind of sex cult with those men?’

‘Joel, you can not be this naïve. Not after twenty years in the apocalypse. You know women have to…we gotta survive.’

Thoughts of you popped up in his head, instant and unbidden. You hadn’t done any of that stuff, he was sure of it. He wouldn’t allow himself to imagine any different. He knew you’d been in a QZ for a while, but you’d been FEDRA, and that would have afforded you some kind of luxuries. Security. Fuckin’ loyalty.

He swallowed. He knew FEDRA were as bad as all the others, possibly even worse since they were armed. He knew what women had to do to curry favour with them. But not you, he decided. Not you, because you would have talked your way out of it, would have charmed them with your smile and your sweet, pretty face hiding your enormous, glorious brain. You would have figured out a way around it. You would have…you wouldn’t have…

‘Joel?’ Shauna called him out of his panic, and he swallowed down.

‘Ain’t judgin’ ya,’ he said, and she scoffed a little.

‘You sure about that?’

‘I can’t…imagine…’ he said, and he felt the heat on his cheeks now. He could imagine. He just didn’t want to.

‘Yeah, well…things were bad in Kanas. They got me out. I guess I was grateful to them.’

‘You ain’t movin’ in with ‘em?’

‘It served a purpose and maybe now it’s done? Besides, not sure Maria really understands, or endorses…’

Joel nodded, grunting his understanding. Jackson ran on family values, and scorching gossip. Maria would have done it to protect Shauna as much as to keep up appearances.

‘Joel, can we talk about her?’ Shauna asked, and he found himself shaking his head.

‘Can’t,’ he said.

‘Please, Joel, I just want to know how-’

Joel felt the switch flip in his brain, the one that meant he could talk about her while he slipped himself out of the way to let the facts through.

‘Army, military, the first night. I was gettin’ her out, me and Tommy, if we could just find a road. She was hurt but I had her. They…’

‘No, no,’ Shauna said, stopping him because she could see he had fallen into the vortex, that he was miles away now, years away, bleeding and scared and holding their girl in his arms. ‘No, I…I meant, I wanted to know how she grew up. What was she like, when she was a teenager?’

Joel swallowed, felt the tears in the back of his eyes, the strain across the back of his throat.

‘She was…’ he didn’t know how to describe her. Shauna had left when Sarah was 9. 10 years they’d spent together after they’d found out she was pregnant, trying to save a marriage that had barely been more than a high school romance. He’d known it wasn’t working, had known that he was hurting her by making her stay, but he couldn’t imagine a world where Sarah would choose him if her parents split, couldn’t bear the idea of his little girl splitting her time between two houses, two Christmases, two sets of books, two sets of school bags dropped by two different doors.

He'd underestimated them both. Shauna for her ability to just outright abandon them. Sarah for her ability to know that loving her mom meant setting her free.

‘She was brilliant,’ he said, after a while. ‘So smart, basically ran the household, kept me and Tommy in line. N’she was capable, could handle her own shit. I guess…she had to grow up pretty fast, but she did it, and she was sweet about it too. Made me drink my juice in the morning,’ at this Joel smiled, tears threatening to spill, Shauna’s eyes wet as she watched him. ‘She was a brilliant little girl, and she was turning into a beautiful woman.’

He cleared his throat, letting himself remember her head on his shoulder as he all but forced her to watch some shitty Western on TV. Carrying her to bed, tucking her in, praying she never got so big he couldn’t lift her anymore, then after she was gone praying one day, somehow, she would.

Shauna wiped the tear from her cheek. ‘I figured when she was older, when I had my life back together, maybe we could…reconnect,’ she said. ‘I’m sorry, Joel, I know I left you both, left you the most, but…’

‘You were already gone,’ Joel said. ‘All those years, you were never really in it.’

Shauna let out a quiet little sob. ‘I wanted to be,’ she said, and he could tell that she meant it, and also he didn’t care, could never really care, when he saw the chunk she took out of their daughter when she left them, watched as that brave little girl grew out of the scar.

‘She never asked about you,’ he said, and he wanted it to be comforting and he wanted it to be cruel. He wanted to hurt her, and he wanted to hold her, wanted her to know that he’d long given up on her, even before she left them, but that he had been holding on anyway, because he thought that was what you did when you had a kid.

Shauna gasped, letting out a little hiccup of sadness.

‘Is that true?’ she asked, and she fixed him then with a hurt on her face unlike anything he’d seen in a long while. No one walked around that sad for the world to see in a place that would kill you for any weakness. He swallowed down the bile burning at the back of his throat.

‘No,’ he said, because she had written letters every week for a year to her mother that he had never sent. Because each Christmas she wrapped up a little gift for her mother that she hid behind the tree down by the corner, where she thought he couldn’t see. Because each year on her birthday she waited for the mailman, sat with a book on her lap she was pretending to read while she watched out the window, and he had to see her face fall when all that got delivered was just bills and a lottery ticket from Uncle Tommy. She never said the fuckin’ words, but she asked for her mother every day.

He had hated Shauna for it. Had burned up all the energy he had left in him working to hide his fury from his little girl.

Looking at her now, sad and folded up against herself on the end of the bed he wondered what for. All those feelings, so hot and so bright and so sharp at the time now faded, now boxed up. He wasn’t even sure if this was the same person in front of him, the one who started taking shards of his heart the moment he met her, who stranded him with the weight of her absence over years.

He wasn’t sure if he hated her anymore for it. He wasn’t sure if he felt anything at all.

‘Don’t cry,’ he said, because she was still snuffling.

‘I thought I was making it better for her, that she could finally be herself if I stopped crowding her. You know when two vines are planted in the same pot either one of them will strangle the other to survive? Only way to save them both is to get ‘em out.’  

Joel watched her, understanding, not wanting to.

‘I didn’t want to…pull the life out of her anymore, Joel. I had to break the pot.’

He felt the creak in his knees, the old scar on his abdomen starting to ache from standing too long. He crossed his arms over his chest, looked down at his shoes to assure himself he was still on solid ground.

‘Yeah, well, you broke it,’ he said. Shauna nodded, pulling at her sling and wincing slightly. ‘You hurtin’?’ Joel asked, and she sighed.

‘Yeah, but Wren said he’d try and get me something from the infirmary. I told him not to bother. Don’t feel like I can ask for anything when we just got here.’

‘The town’ll be suspicious,’ he informed her, plainly. ‘Three of you in one go, s’a lot.’

‘I figured I could tell them I’m a Miller,’ she said, watching his face, the way it fell. He swallowed. ‘I mean, technically I still am.’

‘You ain’t been a Miller for years, even when we were still together,’ he said, and this time he didn’t want to hurt her so much as state the plain truth.

‘I know, but…could be useful in a place like this.’  Out of the corner of his eye he saw Sarah, aged 9, at the doorway, peeking in at her separating parents, wondering out of her room for all the shouting. He blinked her away. ‘I won’t do it if you don’t want me to,’ Shauna continued.

He thought of you. Your warm classroom, the little wood figurines he’d carved for you lined up on the edge of your desk.

‘Don’t,’ he said, grim and firm and honest.

‘Ok, Ok,’ she said, raising her hands in defeat. She sighed, dramatic and maybe just a little for effect. ‘I’ll let the town hate me.’

He remembered what it was like to argue with her. How she’d end up bursting into tears and he’d rush to comfort her, always wrap his arms around her even if he still seethed, and afterwards he’d always wonder if she was actually sad or if it was only ever just to win a point. Worse, when he realised he didn’t care, didn’t feel anything, either way.

‘They might hate ya,’ he agreed. ‘But just until they discover your winnin’ personality.’ She examined his face, searching it for anger, for hurt. He grinned at her. Let her off the hook.

--

It wasn’t that you were sad, exactly, although some part of you knew that you were. It wasn’t that you were mourning, because you knew what that felt like, and besides which, you hadn’t lost anything, not really. It wasn’t that you were lonely, because you’d already decided not to be. It was just that for a second there, things had been different. There had been the prospect of something, and now it was gone.

You watched as Joel sat with Ellie, Tommy, Maria and now Shauna. Maria bouncing Robin, growing like a weed despite barely more than a newborn, on her knee while Ellie cooed at him, tried to spoon feed him stew. You couldn’t help noticing the way Shauna ignored him, the way she almost turned her back to the infant, to instead lean in close to the adults at the table. You were probably missing it. You were only stealing glances, after all.

Word had spread that the three were staying, and you knew that Wren was already out on patrols because you’d seen him go out with the morning group to check the perimeter. The other one, Steven, was apparently good with animals so he had been placed on stable duty. Shauna was helping out with the town council, doing admin and filing and things. It made sense, and it was easy work, and you wondered how she’d survived so long on her own without apparently being able to shoot or ride worth a damn, but it didn’t matter because it didn’t involve you, anyway, unless Shauna happened to decide she needed to redo grade school.

Joel didn’t look at you, and you didn’t want him to, you really didn’t, not at all. A few times Ellie waved you over and you had to pretend you hadn’t seen her. You should have brought a book with you to try and make it even vaguely plausible. You would remember, next time.

You just weren’t sure how you were going to tell Ellie that you couldn’t tutor her anymore. It didn’t feel fair that she had to lose out, but at the same time you knew you didn’t have it in you. The idea of sitting at Joel’s kitchen table, remembering his lips on yours, his arms holding you to his chest, his little gasp as he consumed you. Rose would have been able to carry on. You weren’t Rose.

You weren’t sure why you came down to the mess for breakfast. Normally you just grabbed an apple and ate it at your desk. As you left, you noticed some of Ellie’s stars were still strung up along the walls. You wondered if they would ever come down.

--

‘Didn’t you see me?’ Ellie asked, bounding up to at the end of the school day as you wiped the chalk from the board.

‘Pretty sure I’ve been seeing you all day,’ you said, and she made a face.

‘No, I mean this morning. You came by and then you sat on your own?’

‘Oh, you were there? Sorry, I had my mind on…the eggs. Just hadn’t had them in a while. Must have been craving it.’

‘Are you ovulating?’ Ellie asked, in that unnerving way she had of cutting you directly to the quick.

You paused, considering your answer for a moment.

‘I’m not sure why you ask,’ you said, eventually, settling for truth.

‘Craving eggs,’ Ellie shrugged, as if this was the most obvious explanation.

‘I don’t think that’s how it works,’ you said, and then you paused, because to be honest your sex education also stopped around the end of the world. ‘I don’t think that’s how it works,’ you clarified.

‘Well, whatever, I just wanted to ask you what time you wanted me for tutoring today. You didn’t tell me last time.’

You felt your heart rate pick up. Part of you had wondered if you just said nothing maybe she would forget.

‘Hey, I’ve been thinking about that,’ you said, smiling like you were about to bestow her with good news. ‘You’ve been doing some really great work, really strong, and I can see that you’ve come along so much.’

You paused for a moment, watching the pride break like a dawn over her face, wanted to take a mental photo of it, laminate it and stick it in your memory for eternity.

‘So yeah, I don’t think you need me anymore,’ you said, the smile feeling forced across your cheeks now, the strain in the muscle pulling across the back of your scalp.

You watched as her face collapsed, the light immediately shuttering away from it. You swallowed. ‘Tutoring, I mean…I don’t think you need tutoring,’ you said.

You knew Ellie was doing better socially, you could see she was more talkative in class, that she and Dina were edging their way towards friendship. But you knew, too, how much of a comfort it was to have routine after so long of living through chaos. That the two of you in the dying light of the evening waiting for Joel to finish cooking dinner so you could stop pretending that you were doing any work and take yourselves in to him, that there was a gift in that, that there was a prize in it, and that you were taking it back from her now, snatching it from her arms. You swallowed, heavy and tired and wondering if you were doing the right thing and knowing that you were. That it was necessity. That it was choice.

‘Oh,’ she said, and you nodded at her, smiling still, trying to keep her energy up, trying to dull the blow.

‘You really are doing so well, I’m super proud,’ you said, and then you felt wrong, like you were her mother when really, you realised, you had become her friend.

‘Is this because of Joel being a shithead?’ she asked, and you shook your head to hard and so fast you could hear your neck creak in protest.

‘No,’ you said, tightly, trying to regain your composure enough to get the girl over you and out the door. ‘No, it really is just that you’re…a superstar.’

‘So why don’t you want to keep going, then?’ she asked. ‘It’s not like I know everything.’

You had thought of this question, and had prepared an answer, and even though it wasn’t even remotely true you knew it would appeal to Ellie’s better nature, that it would work on her, and you hated yourself for it even as your mouth started to form the words.

‘It wouldn’t be fair on the other kids,’ you said, and she nodded her head, immediately understanding, immediately agreeing, immediately nailing the last of your self-worth to the floor beneath your feet.

‘Right,’ she said, but she was quiet, and she was backing away, and you saw that her face was closed off, and that she was turning inwards again, just like she had been when she first got here. You stepped towards her, but she was already out the door.

‘Thank you for everything,’ you called after her, and you realised at the same moment that you said it how final it sounded, and how trite. You had dismissed her, thoroughly. Had slammed the door behind her as she left.

For a long while after you stood in your classroom and surveyed the tables in front of you, the pictures on the wall, the photos you’d pulled from old, half-rotten Encyclopaedias and taped to the walls. You couldn’t bring yourself to turn, to see the wooden figurines lined up along the edge of your desk. You stood, instead, facing where Ellie had been minutes ago, half an hour ago, an hour ago.

You wondered if you could unspool time around you, just wind it down to a stop so that you didn’t have to move into the next moments, into the ones without her, without you at their kitchen table, without Joel’s warm eyes on your face as he spooned mac and cheese into your bowl.

--

Joel didn’t like that Wren guy, and he wasn’t too sure about Steven, either. He didn’t like the way Steven eyed off the women in the town, like he was figuring out how best to herd them, seeing as how he was apparently a cattleman. Wren, well he just got on too well with the rest of them, had fit right in with Guillaume, and he fuckin’ hated Guillaume. That was too strong, maybe. He just didn’t trust any of ‘em, when it came down to it. Preferred to be defending himself and his loved ones if it ever came down to it, if he had somehow failed to get them all far, far away.

He found himself turning over what Shauna had said as he surveyed them now, coming to the end of his shift on the wall. He wondered if that was really something women out there were doing, having to do, to keep themselves alive and he knew that of course they were, knew that as much as he had seen it in the raider camps he’d had the unfortunate luck to come across, but now Joel was wondering what kind of man would let a woman do it. What kind of man would let her make the offer, let alone accept it. He knew the answer to that one, too.

As his shift ended, he decided he’d go talk to Tommy about it. Tommy had a good read for things like this. Would have the sense Joel didn’t to see it straight.

Except that it wasn’t just Tommy when Joel got back to his little office, the room crowded again with half of the town council, Maria and Shauna sitting perched on Tommy’s desk.

‘Seems risky,’ Tommy was saying, and at this Shauna rolled her eyes.

‘Course it’s risky, but show me something that isn’t,’ she huffed. Joel recognised that tone, had it imprinted somewhere along his spinal column.

‘Don’t see why its necessary, we have everything we need here,’ Robert was saying. Joel liked Robert. Robert was steady and had survived the fifteen-some years on his own by living off the same ranch he always had with his wife of thirty-years. He only came off it when she died, and he found himself unable to justify working land that size for one man. Joel could respect that.

‘If we don’t keep pushing out, we won’t have everything we need for much longer. We need to…keep up,’ Shauna was saying. Joel caught Tommy’s eye, who was looking at him as if this was somehow his fault.

‘What’s goin’ on?’ Joel asked, stepping forward and trying to ignore the way Shauna brightened when she saw him.

‘Town council meetin’,’ Robert said, ‘though as far as I can see it’s only half of us here.’

‘Not everyone was available at short notice,’ Shauna said, and he grunted at her.

‘That so?’ he asked. Joel watched his face carefully, as the older man gave absolutely nothing away.

‘I’ve got plans to expand, just an idea, really,’ Shauna said, backtracking when she saw Joel’s eyebrows shoot up. ‘Thought I should bring it in for…consideration.’

‘You ain’t been here five minutes,’ Tommy started, but Joel waved his hand and the younger brother immediately stopped. He wasn’t happy, Joel saw the way he rolled his shoulders, the little tic in his jaw Joel was fairly sure his little brother had learnt from him, but he quietened down, just the same.

‘Not for me to say,’ Joel said, trying his hand at post-apocalyptic diplomacy, ‘but that feels like something…if the town council thinks it has merit, mind…seems like something the whole of Jackson should get a vote on.’

He watched as Shauna’s smile faltered, for just a second, and Joel was surprised to find none of her tells had eroded over time. It wasn’t the answer she had hoped for, he could see that. What he couldn’t see was why.

‘We’ll call a proper meeting, with all the council, to consider it first,’ Maria said, definitively. ‘Now it’s dinner time, and some of us got family we need to get to. G’night, all.’

Joel saw Shauna move towards him, darting off Tommy’s desk and over to his side, but he was quicker than her, pulling away through the side door and out onto the street before she could get to him. He didn’t know why he did it, just that his brain stem had told him to get out of there. He felt a little bit sorry about it, but not enough to change his mind.

At home, he slipped his feet from his boots and left them by the door, calling out for Ellie as he stepped inside. She wasn’t at the table doing her homework, wasn’t on the couch reading her comics. He felt a little shiver of hope in his belly as he walked out the back, hoping to maybe catch a glimpse of the two of you before it got too dark to work.

‘Am I interrupting?’ he asked, only a little bit hoping that he was, as he rounded the corner to the back porch. He stopped when he saw her, folded up against herself with her head resting on her knee. It took her a moment to notice him, so she didn’t turn her gaze to him right away. When she finally did he stuttered, saw that her eyes were red-rimmed as she furiously tried to wipe the evidence away.

--

Later that evening you dozed on your couch, finding yourself deserving of the strain in your neck and the ache in your lower back. You would eventually take yourself off to bed but for right now you had your blanket and some pulpy murder mystery you were starting to realise you’d read two summers ago.

The pounding on your door startled you, jolting you up and off the couch. You could feel your pulse roaring up your neck as you looked down at your trembling hands. You allowed yourself a second to catch your breath, another second to wonder if there was ever a future for you where you didn’t startle at the slightest sound. This wasn’t slight, though, and it was still coming from your front porch.

‘Hello?’ you called out, willing the panic to evaporate from your voice such that whatever burglar or murderer was trying to get in would immediately reconsider his actions and retreat.

‘Teach!’ Joel bellowed, and you took a step back, his anger striking genuine fear in your belly. ‘Open the damn door,’ he followed up when you didn’t reply.

‘It’s late, Joel,’ you said, not moving, and you heard his grunt of frustration.

‘Open!’ he demanded again, and you wondered how far he’d go if you let him, if he’d splinter the wood. You tried to shake the tremor from your hands as you moved towards the door, bracing yourself against the frame as you pulled it open.

‘What the hell is the matter with you?’ Joel asked, his eyes crackling with barely restrained fury.

You knew. Of course you knew, although you hadn’t expected him to be so angry about it.  ‘She’s really doing so great…’ you started, but he wasn’t there to hear you out, wasn’t there to do anything other than chew your face off, it seemed.

‘Why…she’s barely talkin’. She’s over there all quiet at the kitchen table, won’t even swear or nothin’, tells me you said she don’t need you anymore?’

‘She doesn’t…’ you tried again, your voice feeble.

‘Ah, that’s bullshit,’ Joel said, and you faltered, casting your eyes down, unable to look at him. ‘You know it was more’n that.’

‘Joel, she’s a bright girl.’

‘You know what it’s like to lose someone?’ he asked you, and you reared back like he’d slapped you. ‘Because you actin’ an awful lot like you don’t.’

You could hear Rose in your ear, whispering at you to think for a second, reminding you that he was hurting, that he was worried for his girl.

‘You can’t fucking come here and ask me that,’ you said, instead, drowning Rose out. ‘On my fucking front porch? Fuck you.’

‘Fuck you,’ Joel shot back, shouldering his way further into the doorway while you planted your heels, squared your shoulders. You were furious now too, angry and hurt and wanting to tear his stupid gorgeous face off his stupid beautiful head. ‘She’s only ever had like…three people in her life she trusted, one she had to shoot, and the others is you and me.’

You didn’t hear him, not at first, priming an insult on the tip of your tongue, getting ready to spit venom and bile such that Rose had to scream over your shoulder to get your attention.

‘Wait…’ you said, faltering, ‘she had to what?’

But it was too late, now, Joel was too far gone, too angry, too hurt, too confused why he was telling you to fuck yourself when all he wanted was to carry you up to your bedroom and do it himself. Too surprised he was sitting at the table at the mess hall with fucking Shauna as if she hadn’t abandoned her daughter and him, as if Sarah didn’t matter, as if the loss could be erased just by her mother resurfacing. Too hurt for Ellie, too aware that it was hurt you had every right to inflict, that he had been the source of it, that you were just protecting yourself. Too sad and too old and too fucking tired for any of it. For parenting a teenager. For reparenting his daughter’s ghost.

‘You gonna stand there and tell me you don’t care about her?’ he was seething, barely hearing his own thoughts. ‘You gonna tell me you don’t care you’re ripping out her heart?’

For having you and not having you. For missing you and having to try so hard to look away from you in the mess hall.

‘Joel,’ you said, and suddenly your voice was so small, so far away. He looked down at you, saw that your eyes were wet. ‘What did she have to do?’

‘Let her tell you herself, if she’ll talk to you,’ he said, and he watched as your shoulders slumped.

Guilt, then. Already he could see he was snuffing out your light, your warmth. Not two minutes talking to him and you were drawn, pinched, folding in on yourself. He couldn’t keep doing this. Couldn’t keep going to you just to push you away. ‘M’sorry,’ he said, all the adrenaline retreating to leave him woozy and sick. ‘That wasn’t fair.’

‘No, I get it,’ you said, sniffling.

‘She just…she’d been doing so well.’

‘She still will,’ you said. ‘She’s so tough, tougher than I ever…’

‘F’you could find your way to still work with her…’

‘…but I just can’t…it can’t be where…’

He was nodding, too, the two of you nodding at each other so neither would have to say the words, talking over each other so you didn’t have to hear your own thoughts let alone the other person’s.

‘It’s different, now,’ you said, and he knew it, agreed immediately, tasted bitter across his throat that told him just how much he didn’t want it to be true.

‘She has her eyes,’ Joel blurted, surprising you both. ‘Shauna. Has Sarah’s eyes.’

He looked at you from under his brows like he was asking you a question, and you supposed in a way he was. Asking you to understand that he had this piece of her, this fragment, that he couldn’t turn away. Asking you to hold it for him, the brightness and the heat of it, that part of himself still reverberating with the spark of her, with the love of her pierced through it, hold it for him lest it scorch him. Asking you to forgive him, to let him go.

‘Oh, Joel,’ you said, and you wanted to throw your arms around his neck and bury your face in his shirt, hold him as he shook with it, with the love and the loss and the grief of it, as it wrung him dry. 

You took a step forward, holding out your hands to him. Without a second thought, he stepped away.

‘OK,’ you said, retracting your arms and wrapping them instead around your middle. ‘I’ll work something out with Ellie.’

‘Want us to still be friends,’ he said, barely scratching the surface of the things he wanted and knew he could never have.

You paused for a second, considering this.

‘We’ve always been friends, Joel,’ you said, after a while. You smiled at him, that same fixed grin you’d deployed on Ellie not six hours before.

You supposed it worked about as well as it did, then. In the circumstances, it would have to do.

--

Joel was cold. It was late, and it was dark, but his room had no business being cold like it was the dead of winter. He rugged himself up, put his jacket on over his old woollen pyjamas, blew hot air into his fingertips. Ellie had gone to bed after he’d got back, even if she’d been a little happier knowing you’d still agreed to work with her. He could read it on her face, knew Ellie better’n she knew herself in a lot of ways. It didn’t feel great that her Dad’d needed to go over and beg you to stay with her. He knew that, just as he knew the alternative was worse.

After she’d gone to bed he’d found himself wondering the house, trying to tread as light as he could so as not to disturb her, but still unable to still his hands. He considered going down to work the wall for a while, see if he could be of use, but coupled with his inability to stand still was also a bone-weary fatigue that would have made him dangerous up there. A herd of elephants with dynamite strapped to their bellies could have sidled up to the gate and he probably wouldn’t have clocked ‘em.

Up in his room he checked the window seals, looked for any lifting of the wall from the floor, checked the cornices for any gaps that could explain the cold. It made it impossible for him to settle, his bones jangling with the sharpness of the chill, his knee pulling him up to standing to try and shake some of the tightness out of the joint.

He felt like he might be going crazy. More than a few times he went and stood on the porch to try and figure if it was colder inside the house than outside of it, but each time he forgot exactly how vicious the chill had been. He worried, then, about a gas leak, that the town wasn’t getting any heat, that people would freeze in their beds even though it being a late Spring night, and he was walking, then, down the familiar path only because he’d taken it so many times in his head, right back to your front door.

Your lights were still on. For the second time that night he wrapped on your door, and when you pulled it open, he knew you hadn’t been sleeping either.

‘I just got so cold,’ he confessed, and you blinked up at him. He could feel the heat on his face radiating out from behind you, knew that if he lifted his fingertips to your cheek he would find it warm, welcoming.

He pulled you to him, snug into his body, and put his icy lips on yours.

Warm honey, slow and calming, seeping over the tip of his tongue.  

It’s hands, then, up under your shirt and onto your warm skin, backing you into your hallway and up against the wall, your head knocking with a thud into the plaster and neither of you noticing. Joel’s mind, finally quiet, just seeking out your warmth, driven by the want to have all of your skin mapped by his fingers, driven by the want to have all of you, take you apart in his hands. You hitched your thigh over his hip, felt him lift you and carry you over to your worn-out couch, leather and patchy and somehow now always reminding you of Joel.

Just a quiet huff as you both landed, Joel’s mouth seeking out yours again to latch to you, keeping his arms tight around your back, pulling you down onto him, grinding you onto his cock, already straining under the flimsy twenty-year old material of his sleep pants. You gasped into his mouth, the ache in your core screaming for attention as you shivered against him.

‘So fuckin’ beautiful,’ he muttered, almost too himself, as he lifted you, one arm on the back of the sofa to steady you both as he deposited you down onto the cushion beneath him, shucking off your own pyjamas as he slid down onto the floor beneath you. You mewled, wanting him back on top of you, wanting his heat and his muscles rippling under his soft skin, his broad chest pushing hard into yours as he hovered over you, the press of him into the seat of the couch.

He sensed you needing him, lifting one hand and running it up over your belly, coming to rest, palm up just below your breast where you grabbed it, held it in yours, let him anchor you to him while you threw your head back and hooked your ankles over his shoulders.

‘Fuck, Joel, fuck…’ you whimpered, needy and breathy and already so wet you could feel it trickling down between your cheeks to the leather. Joel, rearing back on his heels, took a moment to admire the view, his eyes dark and wolfish as he surveyed his prey.

‘I need to taste it,’ he grunted, palming himself through his pants as you glistened in front of him, warm skin glowing in the lamplight as he spread you, reached down with his hand and slid his fingers up the inside of your thigh, inching towards your drooling cunt.

You couldn’t speak, the back of your throat so dry you could only swallow and gasp, nodding your head at him, the thundering of your centre so encompassing now, so deafening, you could barely hear his high, gentle whimper as he descended, sliding his lips over you, his tongue licking a fat and not at all tentative stripe at your slit before pulling up, opening you, descending on your clit like he had a homing beacon, every nerve ending screaming for him as he sucked the fraught bud between his teeth.

Joel felt it, your warm nectar, sweet and scorching, sliding down his throat and he swallowed it down, consumed it, drank from you, felt the heat pooling in his belly where it would sustain him for another day. Still gripping your hand in his right, he slid his left further up to tease at your slit, the slick of you collecting on his skin as he hooked his fingers, spreading you further open again, unfolding you, fastening you to him as he reached high and forward, found that spongey spot that made your breath hitch.

He wasn’t even sure he was doing it for you, just needing it for himself, greedy and desperate, hunting for your heat. You were enlivening him, emboldening him, giving him something to shield and something to shield with. He muttered against you, little whimpered praises neither of you could make out, as he felt your cunt tighten around him, left your hand go to steady your hips, pull you harder onto his face as you bucked against him.

He wanted you to come. Wanted to hear you scream, feel your hands in his hair, wring you out with his tongue and his fingers, wanted to be the one that made it happen. He wanted you for his own, to consume you, keep you tucked away inside himself for crisp afternoons and chilly midnights. Wanted you, always wanted you, here like this, split open and writhing for him, always wet and dripping on his skin and his floor, open and needy and crying for him, grasping him to you, calling his name.

And when you did, when you finally released around him, when he swallowed down your come and your cries, with your hips in his hand and your cunt in his teeth he knew, then, this was it for him, that he’d never feel a heat like it again, that the wanting would be all the worse for having finally held it, for just a moment here in your living room, while you gasped and writhed and trembled, your breath the only sound as you fought to catch it.

Taglist (as always lemme know if you wanna jump on):

@harriedandharassed

@vickie5446

@kaseyconnour

@orcasoul

@missladym1981

@spacesoutdaydreamer

@tangled-tumbler-blog-blog

@fancyyoouu

@anoverwhelmingdin

@millersamour

@delicatetrashtree

@wand-erer5

[mugloversonly]

When I Grow Up

This is for the Steddie Holiday Drabble Popup Event. @steddieholidaydrabbles

Rating: G; WC:726

Steve double checked his pockets while he waited for Eddie and Amelia. It was a big day for the new family. Amelia was graduating kindergarten and she needed to be spectacular. She wanted them all to wear matching outfits, and she wanted to wear her hair the same way her papa did. So, naturally Eddie was a blubbering mess all week.

His disposable cameras were secured and he called up to the two divas. “Time to go or we’ll be late!”

“Coming!” Eddie yelled back wetly. Steve grabbed an extra pack of travel tissues and shoved them in his pocket. He loved his cry baby husband. Speak of the devil, he glanced over his shoulder to watch him come down the steps, and had to suppress a giggle. Eddie was carrying Amelia down with him and both of them were wearing the same thing as Steve: a black button down with dark gray jeans and a pink bow tie. She’d developed a love of dark colors recently, but she still loved her pink. But what got Steve the most, was the hair.

The two of them were sporting matching double dutch braids with plastic roses weaved in. There was an absurd amount of glitter in both their hair and a crazy amount of hair clips. It was obvious that they worked as a team, with Eddie doing the braids and Amelia the accessories. “Dad! You need glitter too!” Amelia shouted. He sighed and knelt down for her to sprinkle his hair with the glitter. “Now we all match!” She jumped out of Eddie’s arms and ran through the garage door and into the car. Steve and Eddie shared a kiss before they followed her.

~~~

They were sitting with the other parents of the kindergartners as they sang their end of year song. They even did a bit of sign language to go along with it. Next was the section where all the kids said what they wanted to be when they grew up.

There were Astronauts, fire fighters, singers, and one very ambitious kid who wanted to be a mermaid scientist. Whether that was studying mermaids or inventing them, Eddie couldn’t tell. But finally it was Amelia’s turn. Eddie took a deep breath, trying his best to stay dry eyed. Steve already handed him a bundle of tissues but he was determined not to use them. That all went out the window the second his little girl spoke.

“Amelia Munson, what do you want to be when you grow up?” Her teacher asked. She smiled and looked at her dads.

“I want to grow up to be a tattoo artist like my papa.” She said. Eddie’s hands flew to his mouth as he gasped. He looked at Steve out of the corner of his eye and saw him pulling out some more tissues before handing them over without a word. He grabbed them gratefully and dabbed at his eyes.

Steve smiled fondly and wrapped his arm around Eddie as he blubbered. The parents around them awed and a few of their parent friends glanced at the pair. Funnily enough, even though Eddie looked like a scary dog, all the parents knew he was a big cry baby when it came to Amelia.

Thinking back to her first day, Eddie remembered how he had cried harder than any of the moms that were there with their kids as the class made their way inside. Steve had to practically drag him away and he made him park across the street for over an hour until they left, “just in case she gets too sad and wants to come home, Steve.” Eddie explained.

If Amelia was sick, he was the one to come pick her up. Not because Steve didn’t care, but it was a lot easier for Eddie to drop everything since he owned the studio he tattooed in. A high school guidance counselor couldn’t exactly drop everything at a moment’s notice.

He knew they had a special bond, the two had a similar background and early childhood. But he never expected their bond to be so special she’d want to grow up to be just like him. The thought filled his heart to bursting.

He looked at Steve and whispered “we really need to get her a cat.” Steve rolled his eyes fondly.

“The puppy wasn’t enough?”

https://archiveofourown.org/works/56184907

[irb-pascalito-99]

Let Me Paint You

Pairing: Joel x f!reader

Rating: 18+ MDNI

Word Count: 3.7k

Summary: After posing for a painting Joel decides he needs to do some painting of his own.

Warnings: oral f!receiving and m!receiving, edging, unprotected p in v sex, riding, sex on a canvas

A/N: This is an excerpt from chapter thirteen of my fic Always an Angel, Never a God. To read more please visit a03.

After dinner we wash the dishes and settle in the living room to pick a movie for the night. Joel is thumbing through our collection of DvDs when a knock sounds on the front door. Both of us freeze, unsure of who could be stopping by right now.

We exchange a look as the visitor knocks again. I go to the door while Joel makes his way up the stairs. I wait until I hear a door close upstairs before I open the one in front of me.

On the front step Maria stands with her hands in her pockets. The evening sun casts an orange glow upon her as it starts to sink in the sky.

“So you are alive,” Maria jests, a smirk spreading across her face. “I’ve been texting you all day. I was trying to see if you wanted to hang out since Ellie is off on that school trip, but I got worried when I didn’t hear anything back. Why haven’t you responded?”

My chest tightens. I haven’t even looked at my phone since I got home last night, abandoning it with my purse and keys in the doorway the second I got home. I try to think of an excuse as to why I couldn’t respond while Maria peers into the house behind me.

“I’ve just been really busy with things today,” I say, fiddling with my fingers. I pull the door closer to me so she can’t see inside. “I’ve been cleaning and painting. Just enjoying the alone time, totally spaced my phone I guess.”

Maria’s eyebrows scrunch together. She tries to look behind me again and then looks back at my face as though she’s trying to decipher whether or not I’m lying.

“So there’s nobody else here?” Maria asks. I try to keep my reaction small so she can’t catch on to anything. “Because normally your car is in the garage but it’s in the driveway now, and you’re acting kind of strange…”

I see my car in the driveway behind her. We had moved it out there to make room fit the truck in the garage. I put a palm to my forehead and feign a reaction as if I’m just now remembering it’s out there.

“I must have forgot to move it back. I was cleaning the garage earlier and had to move it out there.” I can tell Maria doesn’t buy the lie.

I don’t know why I’m trying so hard. Out of anyone Maria is probably the one person I can tell about us, but there’s something I like about hiding it. It’s like in keeping this secret, I keep a piece of Joel for just myself. Keeping it a secret may have started as a way of protecting Ellie, but it feels as though I’m protecting Joel and I as well.

From my experience, love is hardly ever simple or kind. Love is heartbreak, and the outside world can only break what we have. I like our secret, and even though it’s just Maria on my doorstep I will do whatever I can to keep our small piece of the world separate.

“Well, I’m sorry you drove all the way out here but I’m kind of in the groove right now with this painting,” I say.

Maria’s eyes flick up to the stairs. She doesn’t ask any other questions though. She nods, says her goodbyes, and drives away. When her car disappears I close the door again. Joel is silent upstairs.

I go to my bedroom first, expecting him to be laying on my bed or standing by the window, but he isn’t there. I check the bathroom as well. When I find no trace of him I make my way to the art studio.

I find him standing there, observing some artwork stashed away in the closet. His fingers gently brush against the top of the canvases as he moves from one to the other. I tread lightly across the room and brush my hands softly against his back. He jumps at the touch, quickly putting the paintings back in their place.

“You’re being nosy,” I say playfully as I wrap my arms around his chest. He stiffens under my touch, clearly feeling guilty for being caught snooping through my stuff.

“Sorry, saw Maria through the window and then the closet door was open so I was just curious. Figured you’d be talkin’ for a bit.” I peek my head around his shoulder to see what he’s looking at.

The first painting in the stack is a woman in a rowboat with a faint lantern glowing in the distance. I forgot this is where I chose to store my mother’s work. I still have a hard time looking at it.

“Did you do these?” Joel asks. I shake my head.

“Those were my mom’s actually.” I bury my face in Joel’s back, trying to seem as unbothered as possible.

Joel hums in response and looks at the paintings again. I suppose this is Joel’s first interaction with who my mother truly was. He knows she died in the accident. He knows she was an artist and Frank’s friend, but I never really talk about her life.

“She was really talented,” Joel says.

“Yeah, she was,” I say. I rest my chin on his shoulder, looking for a way to change the subject.

Joel ponders a thought for a moment as I admire the way the evening sun casts a beautiful glow on his tan skin through the open window.

“Can I paint you?” I ask. I feel Joel’s body jolt as he chuckles beneath me.

“You already have,” he says with a smirk. He points to a couple of paintings hidden in the back of the closet.

Anything I paint of Joel has to either be obscure, or hidden so Ellie doesn't find it. I’ve been able to paint him from memory, but it would be nice to have a visual for once.

“No, I want you to model for me.” Joel shifts uncomfortably as I run my hands along his arms. “Please, just for a little bit. The lighting is so good right now.”

Joel huffs, but nods his head. I happily grab the chair from Ellie’s desk and place it in front of the window. He grumpily sits down and allows me to position him the way I want. I put one of his arms around the back of the chair and the other resting on his knee.

He stays still as I pick out my colors and get the canvas ready. It isn’t until after I’ve painted his form and begun to work on the details that he starts to get antsy. He moves slightly in the chair, apologizing when I shoot him a look. His eyes wander the room as I paint the highlight of the golden sun on his cheek.

“What was she like?” Joel asks, breaking the silence in the room.

“Who?” I ask, keeping my focus on my painting.

“Your mom,” he responds. I freeze with the brush against the canvas.

It’s not that my mom was a bad person, but I find it hard to talk about her now. Talking about her is a reminder of what I’ve lost, and I hate to dwell in those feelings for long which is why I’ve been avoiding the topic.

This time there’s no way out. Joel waits patiently for my response, not moving from the position I’ve sat him in. I shift in my seat and clear my throat as I try to think of a way to explain who she was.

“She was really creative,” I start. “She never found something she couldn’t make herself. She was funny, and smart, and very supportive of Ellie and I in whatever we wanted to do.”

I smile at the memories of her, picturing the way she would pick Ellie up after a fall and sweep her into her arms.

“She loved deeply,” I continue. “She was strong in whatever she did. Which also meant she felt emotions really strongly, whether that was love or sadness or anger. I saw a lot more of that when I got older. After Ellie was born, her and my dad started fighting a lot more…”

My throat begins to become thick with emotion, so I clear it and focus on the light again. I work on getting the shadows correctly on his jaw, trying to ignore the way his eyes linger on my reaction.

“What about your dad?” I drop my paintbrush on the floor as Joel speaks again. I curse under my breath as I go to pick it up.

Talking about my mom is hard enough, but I wouldn’t know where to begin with my dad. I don’t know how to understand, let alone explain the two versions of him that exist in my mind. When I was small he was kind and playful, gone a lot but always present when he was there. Later in life, after he stopped traveling for work, he was irritable and withdrawn. He wasn’t mean, but he dampened the mood in the room.

“Can we just,” I take a breath as I stand up to paint again. “I’m sorry, I’m trying to focus right now.”

Joel’s eyes soften, noting that the mention of my father must have been too far. He remains silent as he watches me work for a little longer, but something is off now. The art becomes more mechanical and methodical than before. The brush doesn’t flow as it did. Joel must notice the difference too, because he shifts in his chair.

I begin to protest when he stands up from the chair I’ve sat him in. The lighting will be gone before he settles again. He tunes me out as he grabs the biggest empty canvas he can find and lays it flat on the ground.

“What are you-“ Joel grabs my palette from my hands next, placing it on the cart next to my easel. He cuts me off by placing a gentle kiss to my lips as his hands grab the hem of my shirt.

“It’s my turn,” he says. “Let me paint you.”

He pulls my shirt over my head, sucking in a breath when he exposes my bare chest and stomach, and then continues to undress me. His fingers grasp the waistband of my leggings. He pulls them down my legs, waiting on his knees for me to step out of them.

He puts my leggings in a pile on top of my shirt before kissing up my bare legs. I throw my head back and sigh at the feeling while his fingers climb up to my hips. He pulls my underwear down as well, leaving me completely bare in the middle of the room. Something about this feels more vulnerable than when we were on the stairs or in the kitchen. I’m suddenly aware of how exposed I am.

I shiver as he kisses his way back up my body. When he’s standing again he kisses my lips and then pulls back to look me over. His eyes gleam with desire as they graze over every inch of my body.

Joel is still wearing all his clothes. My hands reach forward to grip his shirt. I need us to be even. I can’t have everything focused on me right now, but that’s what Joel has decided.

He pushes my hands away and picks up a paintbrush. I watch him anxiously as he dips the brush in the bright yellow paint on my palette before turning back to me. I pinch my eyebrows together as he walks behind me.

My body jolts at the feeling of the cold liquid trailing down my skin. I can’t see what he’s doing, but I can feel the tickling sensation of a paint brush against my skin. He spends a while doing it, coating my entire back in an assortment of colors. When he’s done he walks me back to the canvas he placed on the floor.

“On your knees darlin’” he says, the paintbrush in his hands. I follow his instructions embarrassingly quickly.

Once I’m on my knees he delicately directs me backwards so I’m laying on top of the canvas on the floor, then he stands again. I begin to pant as I watch him load the palette up with colors again. He glances back in my direction quickly and then takes his shirt off. A tension builds in my pelvis as he takes off all of his clothes except for his boxers.

He brings the palette and brush back over to where I lay on the floor, putting them on the ground before kneeling in front of me. His eyes wander slowly over my body again. He mutters something I can’t quite hear under his breath while he picks up the paint brush again.

Gently he strokes the brush down the middle of my chest. I squirm at the feeling, the paint on my back smearing along the canvas as I do. A devious look appears in his eyes as he continues to run the brush along my chest and stomach until it runs out of paint. He loads the brush up with red next then starts with my left breast.

The bristles brush along the top of my breast until he reaches my nipple. I let out a whine as he swirls the brush along the sensitive nub. When he’s satisfied he chooses another color for the other breast, bright purple illuminating my skin as my chest begins to heave. I can feel the slick collecting between my thighs. I desperately need his hands on me which only makes him go slower.

When I’m completely covered in paint Joel puts the brush back down on the palette and sits on his knees to admire his work. I squirm again and desperately attempt to squeeze my legs together to ease the tension. My desperation only seems to darken the lust in his eyes. I try to sit up and reach for him, but he grabs my wrists and pins them above my head.

“Joel, please,” I whimper. His face hovers above mine, a cruel smirk spreading across it.

“Stay there babygirl,” he whispers and releases my hands.

I watch with heavy breaths as he moves back on the floor. His hands push my knees apart to expose my core to him. He groans at the sight of my glistening center.

“So fuckin’ wet baby,” he growls. He swipes his thumb across my folds causing me to jump. “You keep your hands up there sweetheart, don’t move ‘em or I’ll stop.”

I nod my head quickly, my hips gliding back and forth on the canvas as I wait for him to touch me again. He licks his lips before laying on the ground. His hands grip my thighs as he pulls himself up to my center. I feel his breath against me first, a rush of warm air causing the tension in my stomach to jump.

He presses a delicate kiss to my clit, teasing the sensitive bud, and then licks a stripe up my center. I moan and squirm again. His lips smile against my core as he pulls himself closer and thrusts his tongue inside me.

A loud guttural moan escapes my lips as he begins to feast between my thighs. I desperately grasp the edge of the canvas to keep my hands from grabbing him as he curls his tongue inside me. I could almost come from that alone, all the tension from his teasing building into a pit of pleasure in my core. I can’t control the way my body thrashes against the canvas as he moves his tongue to flick against my clit.

“God, Joel,” I moan. He picks up his speed, eating me as though it’s his last meal on earth. I’m already so close to the edge when he moves one hand from my thigh to press two fingers inside me.

I scream as he thrusts them in and out, my grip on the canvas tightening. I squeeze my eyes shut as the pressure builds. He crooks his fingers so they press against the sensitive part inside me. The rush of sensitivity as he does so is what causes me to break my resolve. Without thinking, my hands release the canvas and bury themselves in his hair.

Joel immediately pulls away, tutting his tongue as he crawls back to his knees. I whine again and attempt to pull him back to me as I squirm.

“Please, I’m sorry. Please, don’t stop,” I beg. Tears escape my eyes while I squeeze my thighs again, so desperate for the release that just barely escaped me.

“Oh princess, you make this so hard.” Joel says. He reaches a thumb to my cheek to wipe the tears away. “One more chance sweet girl, roll over.”

I look at him questioningly, but I’m too far gone to argue. I roll onto my hands and knees, the paint causing me to slide a bit on the canvas. He leans back and watches as I get myself ready for whatever he has planned next. I hear him shuffle behind me, but I can no longer see what he is doing.

When I’ve stopped moving his hand moves up my leg, gripping my ass for a moment before pulling away. I gasp when I feel his hands return with a sharp smack to my ass. Then he pulls my cheeks apart and moves forward.

He must have taken off his boxers when I turned around because I can feel his bare length push against my dripping folds. I bite my lip as he slides it against my center.

“You want this baby?” I nod, biting my lip so hard I can taste the blood filling my mouth. He moans as he presses himself forward, filling me once again.

I stay completely still while he pushes into me, focusing on the burning stretch until I feel his hips flush with my ass. I keep my hands rooted on the canvas as he pulls back again, but when he thrusts in harder than before I slide and collapse on my stomach. Joel goes down with me.

His chest is pressed against my back, his hands keeping mine pressed against the slippery canvas as he pulls back and thrusts into me again. We moan in unison as he continues his thrusts. My body sides across the canvas with each one and his slides against mine.

The whole thing is messy and slippery, a combination of sweat and paint with loud moans echoing down the halls. He kisses my neck, leaving marks on the skin, as my climax begins to build again. My walls clench around him, signaling how close I am. He thrusts harder, his fingers intertwined with mine as he slides my body up and down.

I’m staring out at the pink and purple sky through the window when orgasm crashes over me. My walls flutter around Joel as I scream. His low moans rumbling through his chest while he continues to thrust into me. When I come down he pulls out and directs me to get up.

He lays down on his back, moving me to climb on top of him. I position my knees on either side of his hips and watch his face twist in pleasure as I sink down on his length. The both of us are covered in paint now, a smattering of colors bleeding together on his chest as he grips my hips.

I throw my head back as I bounce in his lap. He feels so good at this angle. I can feel every vein and ridge of his cock as I slowly rise and lower my body onto him. It’s my turn to tease now.

I try to keep my pace slow, to torture him just a little bit, but it becomes difficult when I feel the pleasure bubbling up inside me again. I can see in his eyes he can tell I’m close again.

His hands move up to squeeze my breasts as I ride him. I feel his fingers pinching my paint covered nipples and moan. I’m not going to last long. He starts to thrust up as well, meeting me halfway as my hips start to lose momentum. My hands press against the canvas as I attempt to keep my pace with my climax looming over me.

“It’s okay sweet girl, come here,” he says. I lower my chest into his and let him take over. He thrusts hard into me a couple of times before I shudder again. “That’s right, let go. Come on.”

I clench around him one more time before letting go completely. He swallows my moans, kissing me deeply while he continues his thrusts until he can’t any longer.

“God, I’m gonna-“ he thrusts again and then stills. “Get up, you gotta-“

Joel pulls me off of him quickly. I climb down his body to take his pulsing member in my mouth. I swirl my tongue around the head, and that’s all he needs to release his load into my mouth with a deep moan. His hips twitch as he lets go, spilling into my mouth. When he finishes I sit up and swallow his load.

“Fuck,” he groans. I smile back at him. He carefully stands up, doing his best not to slip on the canvas.

We both stand back and look at what we created. It’s a mess of color, still wet with no clear reasoning behind any of it. There are places where the colors blend so much that they’ve become a muddled brown or gray. In other areas bright shades of color shine through virtually untouched.

“Damn, I really thought I did something there,” Joel says with his hands on his hips. “Kinda just looks like a mess though.”

I lean forward and kiss a patch of skin on his shoulder untouched by the paint.

“I don’t know, I kinda like it.” I say. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me close.

“Well, you’re the artist,” he says before pressing a kiss to my hair.

We abandon the idea of a movie completely, choosing instead to bathe together so we can wash the paint off our skin. Joel’s hands are gentle as they wash my body, the colorful water pooling at our feet. He let the water run cold against his back as he pushed his fingers inside me again, slowly working me up until my body spasms again.

The rest of the night we stayed in bed, talking and fucking until we fell asleep.

Read more on a03: Always an Angel, Never a God

[readyforthegarden]

kait my beloved! i saw your prompts earlier and then forgot to send one, but allie's just reminded me, so i came here to request "peppering small kisses all over their face to wake them" with jakey pleaseeeee 🥰

we know he's a giggler as much as he tries to be serious all the time, and the thought of quiet little morning voice giggles almost just sent me to the hospital

okay i'm back with these prompts!!!! thank you for your patience pj my love!! i hope you enjoy!!

It had been a long week, and you were so ready to be home. Your mother had decided to put your childhood home up for sale, citing the lawn care and general maintenance was becoming to much for her to do alone as she got older. Instead, she had found a nice condo, where everything would be taken care of for her. You'd flown back to your home state to help her pack and clean out the house.

Your boyfriend, Jake, had wanted to go with you, however his own schedule had been full of studio time and rehearsals before he and his brothers went back on the road in a few weeks. You made do with facetiming almost every night, or talking on the phone. You were usually fine being without him for stretches of time. You had to be, knowing your work would keep you from joining him on tour a lot, and during album cycles he'd be busy. But there was something about the emotional time you were having, packing up memories from your childhood, or setting them out for a garage sale or into a donation box. It made you crave the comfort of your partner, the reassurance that even through the changes that were happening, he was going to be steadfast.

You hadn't told him you changed your flight to an earlier one. Jake was supposed to pick you up from the airport at one-thirty in the afternoon, but your mom had been settled into her condo for a few days, and there wasn't anymore reason for you to stay. You'd opted for an uber back to your home, the sun just starting to rise as you arrived. You were thankful the uber driver got out to help you get your bag out of the trunk, it being heavier with a few extras from your home.

Rolling it up to your front door, you fished your keys out of your bag and quietly unlocked it. There was a fifty/fifty chance that either Jake was still awake putzing around the house, or he was in bed, dead to the world. You had fallen asleep on the phone with him last night, listening to him talk about at restaurant Sam had taken him to, that he was exited to take you to try. But that didn't mean Jake had fallen asleep.

The house was quiet, still dim with just the early morning sun starting to creep in. You could hear the faint hum of your fan on upstairs, meaning Jake was indeed in bed. You left your suitcase and bags at the door after locking it again and kicking off your shoes, nearly tip-toeing across the foyer and making your way upstairs. Pushing open the door to your bedroom, you were hit with the cool air in there, the fan blowing on you as it swiveled. Jake was tangled up in the bedding, his dark hair splayed across the pillow. As you stepped closer, you saw his phone clutched in his hand, a sign he also fell asleep while on the phone with you, no doubt listening to your breathing on the other end of the line to fall asleep himself.

Softly, you climbed into the bed, smiling at your love and how serene he seemed while sleeping, his mouth parted slightly. Jake's round face was always something you found so sweet, so handsome. His cheeks were the perfect place to leave kisses, other than his lips. You couldn't help yourself, you'd missed him too much. Leaning forward, you pressed a soft, gentle kiss to his cheek.

One turned into to two, and then suddenly you were raining soft kisses all over Jake's face, feeling him start to wake underneath you. As his body stretched, his chest rumbled with deep giggles, turning his face so you could get the side that had been resting on the pillow.

"Well good morning honey," he chuckled as his arms encircled you, rolling over so you were on top of him. You mumbled out a good morning reply between smooches, making sure to get every square millimeter of his face. Jake continued his laughter as you kept going. "I missed you too,"

"I'm sorry," you sat up, brushing the hair out of your face as you gazed down at him and caught your breath. "I just needed to kiss you, I missed you so bad." Jake raised a hand, sliding it under your hair and around the back of your neck, gently guiding you down for a sweet, slow kiss on the lips.

"You booked an earlier flight just to come home and shower me with affection?" he asked, a playful smirk on his lips. You shrugged with a small nod.

"And what if I did?"

"I'd say that's the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me." Jake smiled sleepily. "Now, why don't you change into your pajamas, crawl back into this bed, and cuddle with me until it's a decent hour to be awake?"

"That sounds perfect." you climbed off him, and moved to your dresser, taking off your plane clothes and changing into one of Jake's old t-shirts and a pair of your sleep shorts before crawling back into bed, snuggling up into Jake's side, catching up on some much needed sleep.

[pjsk-headcanons]

okay get ready *deep breath* UNIT SWAP LORE DUMP BECAUSE I GOT NO WHERE ELSE TO PUT IT

they all have different group names but ill just put the original ones (for the length of these asks and for suspense ill reveal the others later)

l/n: saki (unit leader), an, mizuki, toya

-

l/n -> NovA

-saki wanted to form a band with her old friends after she could live (mostly) normally again

-learns that her old friend group has drifted apart and ichika (who she originally formed l/n with) wont get in contact with her

-gets her (kind of?) brother, toya, to join her makeshift band. they preform as a duo for a while, but saki decides they need more members.

-while searching, they preform at WEEKEND GARAGE. an notices their preformance and congratulates them when theyre finished

-extra note, an didnt attend RAD WEEKEND in this au. she knows her dad was a singer and wants to get on his level, however.

-through an, mizuki learns of the group and decides to join too (with a little bit of convincing)

-an still doesnt know about nagi. this will make for great angst later!

-toya finds out about mizukis secret proabably ~2-3rd anni. saki is oblivious. an already knew :D

-the sekai is called Studio SEKAI

-toya is bass, an is guitar, saki is keyboard, mizuki is drums

TRUST RANKS

toya - saki -> "birth of NovA", "bandmate/sibling?!" (leo/need joke im so funny), "reignite that youthful dream" (saki would often gush about how she wanted to make a band when she was younger with the other tenmas."

mizuki - an -> "rule-breaker and model student", "melody and beat!☆", "entrusting you with this secret" (angst purposes only)

an - toya -> "cafe regular?" (another headcanon that toya was a regular at WEEKEND GARAGE before vbs/NV formed), "i've never played guitar before...", "the echo and the voice" (very vague guitar reference, up to interpretation)

mizuki - saki -> "pink and ponytails!", "looking up to our older sibling", "keeping our own secrets" (saki also kept the talk about her going to the hospital often when she was younger to mizuki and an. they find out during the arc ender(??))

saki - an -> "aiming to become professionals!", "that hair is natural?!" (headcanon that an and sakis "dyed" looking hair is natural, i forgot if it was canon), "starting sound" (based on how saki wanted to form a band because of the show tsukasa showed her when she was younger, an wanted to be as good as her dad when he was preforming*.)

mizuki - toya -> "rhythm of NovA", "really weird hair?", "everyone needs their secrets."

*an didn't attend RAD WEEKEND. however, she did attend some of kens other shows.

oh my GOD THIS IS LENGTHY...this au is will be called...hmmm... "new dream au" i guess lol

for filtering purposes, i will take 🌐 anon, see you next time for mmj... 💀

.

[noonaishere]

Music of the Heart [Jeong Yunho] - Masterlist

By: noonaishere (main blog: symphonyofmars)

Fic type: social media au / traditional

Pairing: Yunho x fem!reader

Genre: music industry setting, musician/producer, enemies to lovers, mutual pining, running from the past

Warnings: overbearing parents, verbal abuse, sexual harassment

Status: Currently updating

Updates: Thursdays and Fridays at 12pm EST

Synchronously posted with Online/Offline (any asterisked (*) chapters means they’re shared between both fics)

[intro post explaining y/n and t/n]

SYNOPSIS:

T/n has always loved music, though her experience of it wasn’t always the greatest. Forced by her parents to learn the violin - almost purely to climb the socio-economic ladder - she’s since forged her own path. She auditions at Wonderland Entertainment and becomes one of their studio musicians, but how will she deal with seeing her ex-best friend who also happens to be contracted under the company?

Also, how does t/n’s existence connect to y/n, someone she’s never met?

🎵 main cast

Chapters:

🎵 Prologue | a long time ago… in a town far, far away…

🎵 one | “local celebrity”

🎵 two | mahler

🎵 three | emperor nero

🎵 four | come meet the kids

🎵 five | duck and cover

🎵 six | his feefees were a little hurt

🎵 seven | homework

🎵 eight | give her my number

🎵 nine | canard et couverture parte deux

🎵 ten | a date?

🎵 eleven | the fight scene at the end of the count of monte cristo

🎵 twelve | we never talk

🎵 thirteen | youtube recommendations

🎵 fourteen | calendar man

🎵 fifteen | a ✨godsend✨

🎵 sixteen | no ducking nor covering

🎵 seventeen | he’s got pipes

🎵 eighteen | thinking about hats

🎵 nineteen | it is still apples

🎵 twenty | i know exactly who you are

🎵 twenty-one | busking

🎵 twenty-two | he got an audition or something

🎵 twenty-three | best friend

🎵 twenty-four | garage band

🎵 twenty-five | it’ll be worth it

🎵 twenty-six | more like “drone strike parenting”

🎵 twenty-seven | interrogation

🎵 twenty-eight | it’s over

🎵 twenty-nine | more like constipated

🎵 thirty | maybe

🎵 thirty-one | JUPiTER

🎵 thirty-two | no horses in space

🎵 thirty-three | Crom3r

🎵 thirty-four | punk rock

🎵 thirty-five | what a feeling

🎵 thirty-six | do we need a hot air balloon?

🎵 thirty-seven | gotta let the fans know

🎵 thirty-eight | i’ll bring the wine

🎵 thirty-nine | girl’s night

🎵 forty | that’s a no on the hot air balloon

🎵 forty-one | new kids

🎵 forty-two | splash fight

🎵 forty-three | a recluse and a traitor

🎵 forty-four | merch drop

🎵 forty-five | lol i’m screencapping

🎵 forty-six | do you know how to do cubes?

🎵 forty-seven | surprise modu girip baksu

🎵 forty-eight | sometimes the kickball inspires music

🎵 forty-nine | but what can you do

🎵 fifty | no need for sunglasses

🎵 fifty-one | need for sunglasses

🎵 fifty-two | D-Day

🎵 fifty-three | best friends forever

🎵 fifty-four | mission update

🎵 fifty-five | miss me?

🎵 fifty-six | that was really weird and I hated it

🎵 fifty-seven | good point

🎵 fifty-eight | the great outdoors

🎵 fifty-nine | please don’t use memes of yourself

🎵 sixty | ballad mashup with choi jongho!

🎵 sixty-one | scandal??

🎵 sixty-two | two giants

🎵 sixty-three | you really *are* a capitalist

🎵 sixty-four | benevolence and beef

🎵 sixty-five | lyrical content

🎵 sixty-six | principles

🎵 sixty-seven | well?

🎵 sixty-eight | can’t sleep

🎵 sixty-nine | what’d you say?

🎵 seventy | looking for an Ans:wer

🎵 seventy-one | whirlwind

🎵 seventy-two | she’s a me

🎵 seventy-three | solving problems

🎵 seventy-four | the great (less confined) indoors

🎵 seventy-five | pedagogy

🎵 seventy-six | going for a walk

🎵 seventy-seven* | WHAT?

🎵 seventy-eight | misc

🎵 seventy-nine | where the hell are you

🎵 eighty | chauffeur

🎵 eighty-one | public breakup

🎵 eighty-two | somewhere nice

🎵 eighty-three | the start of an apology

🎵 eighty-four | meeting ONiiX

🎵 eighty-five | sting operation

🎵 eighty-six | hack behavior

🎵 eighty-seven | doubleho7 reporting in

🎵 eighty-eight | being kind is punk

🎵 eighty-nine | listening to it for the background noise

🎵 ninety | Devious Deviants Devianting Deviously

🎵 ninety-one | it’s not gossiping, it’s ✨helping✨

🎵 ninety-two | lessons and small dogs

🎵 ninety-three | *distressed memeing*

🎵 ninety-four | fifteen minutes late with no starbucks

🎵 ninety-five | Game Day!

🎵 ninety-six | it’s a metaphor

🎵 ninety-seven* | suspicious group chat

🎵 ninety-eight* | more boba, less ice

🎵 ninety-nine* | ensemble transition (1/3)

🎵 ninety-nine* | ensemble transition (2/3)

🎵 ninety-nine* | ensemble transition (3/3)

🎵 one hundred* | an even more suspicious group chat

🎵 one hundred and one* | we’re both here now

🎵 one hundred and two |

🎵 one hundred and three |

🎵 one hundred and four |

🎵 one hundred and five |

🎵 one hundred and six |

🎵 one hundred and seven |

🎵 one hundred and eight |

🎵 one hundred and nine |

🎵 one hundred and ten |

🎵 one hundred and eleven* |

🎵 one hundred and twelve* |

🎵 one hundred and thirteen |

🎵 one hundred and fourteen* |

🎵 one hundred and fifteen* |

🎵 one hundred and sixteen |

🎵 one hundred and seventeen* |

Epilogue 1

Epilogue 2

Epilogue 3

Epilogue 4

Epilogue 5

Send an ask or leave a comment if you want to be added to the tag list! 🎵

🎵🎵   [MAIN MASTERLIST]  🎵🎵

[mxnae]

Late Nights, Writers Block, & Apologies

A/N: this story belongs to mxnae on Tumblr, please do not repost it as your own.

MXNAE'S MASTERLIST

Pairing: jack harlow x fem!reader

Genre: fluff, imagine

summary: you wake up at 2am alone in bed, looking around trying to find where Jack might be she finds their bedroom door cracked with light coming into the room. walking out of your room and wandering around, you find Jack in his studio with a pen and his notebook in front of him along with his face in his hands. he storms out leaving you upset, will he apologize?

you jolt awake, possibly from a bad dream. when she reaches over to feel for her beloved boyfriend, she feels his side is empty. 'hm' she thinks, wondering where her beloved boyfriend is.

walking to the sliver of light coming from the hallway, leaving the room in only her boyfriend's oversized 'Harlow' sweatshirt and some cheeky underwear, you make your way out of your shared bedroom on the hunt for her boyfriend.

after checking the living room, Jack's mancave, and the kitchen, you make your way to the only other place Jack could be; his studio.

"Baby?" you asked knocking softly on the door already cracked open with light coming from inside. She immediately sees Jack in distress.

"my love, whats the matter?'' she asked going to sit in the second chair beside jack, removing his hands from his once convered face. once his hands are moveed, she can see he's in tears. "oh baby'' she says getting into his lap as he holds her close, breaking down in her arms.

you noticed the trash can that was previously emptied was now full of balled pieces of paper, he was having writer's block.

"i cant do this anymore'' he says with slight anger.

"baby you know you dont have to do it all by yourself, you have urban and your entire team.'' you say attempting to comfort him the best you can as you move back into the nihgbooring chair to look at him face to face.

"what dont you understand y/n, i DONT NEED THEM!" jack yells grabbing his keys and storming out of the room. you stay put, in disbelief that hed ever raise his voice at you knowing what you've been through.

you immediately breakdown, going straight into your shared bedroom and locking yourself inside. engulfing into tears, upset that he'd lash out let alone at you. you never planned on leaving that room, ever again.

later that day...

'girl, you have to get up." Neelam says as shes repeated for the last few hours. its now 2 pm and youve yet to sleep. she used the key jack gave her icase of emergencies.

"but he doesn't love me anymore, why would he do that.." you say breaking down every word, you believed there was no purpose at this point. once Neelam gave up, you just curled up and slowly fell asleep.

Several times during your slumber you received multiple calls from Neelam, urban, and Jack. you declined every single one. yet this time you answered when Urban called.

"what urban" you say lowkey annoyed as you situate yourself on your bed.

"Jack's on his way back. hear him out, give him a chance.'' he says in a pleading voice, hoping to not have his favorite couple including you who is a sister to him, and Jack who is his childhood best friend, break up.

"I guess I can but you know how getting yelled at affects me urb," you say as he agrees. "I got to go, he's here," you say as your home security system alerts you that the garage door has been open, you both say your goodbyes as you hang up.

knock knock. "Baby?" Jack whispers at the door, attempting to open it, yet to find it locked. you get up open the door and immediately engulf him in a hug.

"I was so worried about you'' you say as you pull away from him yet your emotions change almost immediately "I'm still very mad at you tho," you say turning away from him and getting onto your shared bed.

"I know my love and I'm sorry, so very sorry," he says following behind you before grabbing your face so that you look at him.

"You're mine and im yours, im sorry I yelled. I know that can affect you in ways unimaginable." he says shedding a small tear, you quickly wipe it away.

"I accept your apology, but now you owe me a fuck tone of cuddles," you say making grabby hands at him as he quickly takes his shoes off and joins you lying down.

[invisibleraven]

"did you eat today?" for Ray & anyone?

Ray found himself with more time to himself than he wanted now a days. Sure he had his work to keep him busy, but he wasn't made to sit at a chair editing between shoots, and he was comfortable enough that he could be picky about those.

He also had his family, but Julie was more out of the house than in it between school, her band, and her part time job at the local library. Carlos had his baseball and his own teen dramas to deal with, no time for his old dad anymore.

Tori had tried to set him up a few dates, but he didn't feel ready to move on from Rose. Even if she had been gone several years now, it felt like a betrayal to see other women. He was sure Rose herself would be encouraging him to get out there, but he was content enough alone.

So he decided to take up gardening.

He had always had a bit of a green thumb, helping the various plants Rose insisted on filling the house with thrive and flourish. After she passed he moved them out to her studio-more light and a chance for quiet solitude when he watered them.

Today though, when he went out to grab his pruning shears and give the ferns a good going over, he found someone there. A boy, probably around Julie's age sleeping on the worn leather couch there.

He looked rather rough, in ripped jeans and a flannel that had seen better days. Dirt smeared his face and there was a scent that spoke of a lack of access to soap. Probably a runaway who had stumbled upon the unlocked garage and figures it was better than sleeping rough.

Ray shook the boy gently who startled, shrinking into himself, holding up his arms as if expecting an attack.

"I'm sorry! I just needed somewhere to stay and the nice girl at the library said I could come here and I didn't take anything I swear!"

Ray softened, though he was definitely going to talk to Julie about offering up their property to strays after she asked him first.

"It's okay, I'm not going to hurt you or call the cops," Ray assured him. "I just wanted to figure out what was going on. Julie-the girl who sent you here is my daughter. I'm Ray."

"Reggie," the boy whimpered, oh so slowly lowering his arms and Ray inwardly hissed at the black eye and obvious bruising covering the boy's face. God who would-or even could do that to a child?

"Well Reggie it's nice to meet you," Ray said, sitting in the chair opposite him. "Do you have someone you want me to call for you?"

Reggie shook his head. "Ain't got nobody."

Ray very much doubted that, but didn't push the issue. "Well how about you come in and use the facilities? I can toss your stuff in the wash, get you something new to wear in the meantime. Did you eat today?"

Reggie's stomach grumbled, almost as if in response. "What day is it?' he asked sheepishly.

"Wednesday."

"Then no."

"Well we can fix that," Ray surmised. "How do you feel about spicy food?"

Later, when Julie got home, she found her dad and Reggie getting on like the best of friends, and she sighed in relief. She was sure that she was in for a lecture, but she couldn't just let Reggie try to catch a nap in the study corrals when she had a plethora of couches for him.

Plus she knew that her dad was secretly a little lonely, and figured this would help. He did always have a thing for strays.

It wasn't long before Reggie was all but a member of the family. And a few years later, when she, Luke, and Reggie decided to marry? He became one in every other way that mattered-right down to his name.

[rebouks]

I'm gonna be the realest with you rn and say that I haven't read Somnium (yet?) and I'm just following FIB as you upload, so I caught myself wondering what Oscar's job is! I'm not completely clueless though: I checked some older posts and from what I saw, I assumed he's a hacker and worked for a criminal gang? But what about now? Just a freelancer? And what about Courtney? What does homegirl got going for her? Tbh I'd love to know the profession of all your sims! Pls don't mind my lazy ass :')

Haaah! I can't say I blame you tbh since it's quite an investment at this point (still worth it imo tho LOL) but yeah, it's hard to catch up sometimes skjkdj <- me currently tryna catch up on a bazillion stories omg

Let's cover as many as we can! lmk if I miss any tho 🙈

But yessss.. Oscar is a freelancer programmer at the moment! He's VERY good at it but moved away from his naughtiness on that front for the most part 🤭 it works really well for him since he's not too great with structure and can work from home! (his office still SUCKS tho ;-;)

Courtney - Stay at Home Mom! She used to work at a garden centre and she's had a million n' one jobs before that too, she doesn't know what she wants to do 🙃 she'll think abt it some more when the kiddos are all old enough for school tho probs...

Ivan - Mechanical Engineer - haven't thought abt this one too much, I imagine he works at some kinda factory looking after/fixing all the machines tho idk 🤔

Bruno - Landscape Gardener

Noah - Artist! He has his own gallery now too and he scouts/stocks other peoples work as well as his.

Aspen - Yoga Teacher - kinda casual tho since Noah makes enough for both of em n' then some.

Sidney - Retired A&E Doctor! Still works the odd shift to help out tho cos she can't help herself.

Alton - Retired Charity Worker (FOR THE TREEEES! 🌲)

Alma - Semi Retired Medium/Tarot Card Reader

Mack/Kobe - Mechanics (still own their lil garage in the Harbor)

Darien - Accountant (a very GOOD accountant & only slightly dodgy these days, plenty of legal ways around the law u kno 😉)

Wyatt - Unemployed! Man's got enough money to last several lifetimes but messes with a lot of stocks, he'll tell people he's an Investor)

Brynn - Stay at Home Mom! She's quite social tho, I can see her getting a job in a cafe or smth when the kids go to school just for fun)

Tilda - Seamstress! She works with a slightly eccentric woman in her shop in the Bay

Tristen - Pizza Boy/Lifeguard! He works with Kara in a cute lil takeaway in town at night, but by day he picks up shifts as a lifeguard on the beach, especially in spring/summer 🌊 He has his own place now!! 🏠👀

Mia - Paramedic! She works a LOT

Suzie - Dog Sitter/Groomer - she has her own grooming station in the garage/outhouse so basically works from home!

Miya - Mixologist!

Rhys - Photographer - he's mostly done weddings/events in the past but he's working toward doing more projects of his own since he has a studio now! 📸

Tommy - Psychiatrist (Still doing his residency tho)

[ouroboros-hideout]

WIP WHENEVER

@chevvy-yates tagged me for this. Thank you a lot 💚

This will be a huge wall of text aswell, since I am not really of the „visual“ side of creating atm.

Writing // Worldbuilding

I'm still writing the next two chapters for my fanfiction, but would rather briefly introduce my other OCs here (yes, Aon isn´t the only one by now). Maybe I can create all of them ingame at some point, depending on how stupid I´ll act with modding etc. when I start. Since things can change quickly in the story while I'm writing, I wouldn't say that everything is 100% set in stone, a lot of it isn't finished yet. But it's a good base. Most of them appear in my „Like Napalm“ fic. Some of them will be in my main GARMR fic aswell. So prepare for half backed character data entries and some rambling.

Gan

Gan Tomobataar, or Iron as he is usually called, is a mysterious man. Many stories surround the Mongolian giant and it always depends on who asks him whether he affirms or denies these tales. It is therefore uncertain which of them are true or fictional and he really enjoys keeping his past in the dark. He is said to have served in an elite military unit. The metal teeth that earned him his iconic nickname are said to have been lost in numerous boxing matches as he tried to turn pro to make a better life for himself and his family, and he is allegedly a descendant of Ginghis Khan (which is probably one of his favorite rumors). One can assume that his closest confidants have more clarity, but none of them would dare say a word about it. Undeniably true is that he has two brothers, of whom he is the second-born. Together with them, he leads one of the largest nomadic clans in eastern Europe and Asia. The Tomobataar nomads are divided into three large families, each led by one of the three brothers. Iron's family stays mainly in Mongolia and Russia, but he would also travel to more distant parts of the Soviet Union for profitable contracts. He doesn't have many vices, but one of them is definitely greed.

By sheer luck, at least that's what he claimed, he picked up Aon on the street when she was trying to flee Moscow on her own. He promised to protect her from the Secret Police and other bounty hunters if she proved to be a useful member of his clan. However, his methods for testing her worth would put the young woman to the test.

Yakov

Yakov always had problems finding his place in the world. He grew up in St. Petersburg, studying or an education other than working in his father's car repair shop were never an option financially, but the young man always yearned for something greater than being stuck in the alleys and streets of his childhood. He decided to join the military when he was old enough, but was discharged immediately after basic training for insubordination and general unsuitability. What remained for him was to work in his father's garage until he died after a long illness. Yakov tried to keep the store running on his own for a while, but he found it difficult to do good business without proper management and eventually had to sell the store. This was followed by a relatively dark period. He saw himself as a failure, was unable to find a new job and drank away the money he had received for the workshop in the bars in his neighborhood. One evening, a man came into his local pub. His car had broken down outside, he wouldn't get any further that night and kept him company for a few hours. The next day, Yakov repaired his car for the man called Gan and left the town with him to live with the Tomobataar nomads.

Gregori

Gregori's mother, a singer from New York, came to the Russian capital for a gig and met a military officer there. The two got together and the result was little Greg. Shortly afterwards, however, the couple fell apart and she took her son back to America, where he spent most of his childhood and youth being raised by babysitters and nannies, while the singer preferred to spend her time on tour or in the recording studio. Gregori at least inherited much of her creativity, starting to make music himself at an early age and drawing a lot. Just what small children do when they need to keep themselves busy.

When he was 16 years old, his mother died of an overdose. As she never bothered to write down a testament or anything similar, her entire fortune goes to her greedy manager, who leaves Gregori penniless.

The boy, who has spent his whole life sheltered without much contact with the outside world, is left with nothing and doesn't know exactly what to do. So he scrapes together the last of his money and buys a ticket to Moscow, where he tries to find his father, but in vain. He quickly goes off the rails, barely speaks a word of Russian, is recruited by a gang and gets exploited. An arms deal with a group of nomads goes wrong, a shootout ensues and Gegori is the only one left of the gang because he hides instead of fighting. Yakov, who was on the other side of the deal, takes pity on him and eventually takes him to his new family where he tries to find his place within the group.

Anna

Anna grew up with the Tomobataar nomads from an early age. Her parents were killed in a botched mission when she was just four years old. Iron, who in a way blamed himself for this, took on a guardianship for her and looked after the little girl like the apple of his eye. As the years passed and Anna grew older, the relationship between her and her foster father changed. He became increasingly demanding, punished misbehavior and put the still young girl under pressure. Aon, who had already earned her place in the clan by this time, could not tolerate this behavior as she herself had grown up under similar circumstances. No one else in the clan interfered with Iron's "parenting methods", which is why she ended up doing it. Anna and Aon then became inseparable and she naturally followed her later when they left the clan along with many others.

Anatoly

Anatoly, or Tolik as Aon calls him, belongs to the Russian working class in Moscow and cannot claim to own much. As a boy, he dreamed of studying mechanical engineering in order to open his own workshop or business. A dream that his father would never have been able to afford in this life. So after school, Tolik started working at his father's scrap yard on the outskirts of Moscow, not an easy job. He regularly drives into the city to pick up old components and scrap metal from SovOil and other big corporations, where he meets Alyona one day. The two strike up a conversation, exchange banter and hit it off straight away, which over time develops into a teenage love story. Aon spends a lot of time with him at the scrapyard, where she can test and improve her skills on old machines and has a place to hide from her hated stepfather. He, in return, benefits from the knowledge she brings with her from university, and his dream of building his own big thing soon becomes her dream too. Together they consider leaving the city at some point and make plans for the future

unnamed_chromed_up_terrifying_SovOil_Secret_Police_agent

Yea well, I don't know yet how to call him. After Aon has fled Moscow, the officers of the normal police force give up the search for her, as it theoretically no longer falls within their area of responsibility. However, since Kristof claims that Aon stole the data he wanted to sell to Petrochem, SovOil is naturally very interested in finding her and the data chip. So they send a Secret Police agent after her, who, together with a small unit, tries to track her down. He actually already had a kind of "Easter Egg" appearance in my other AU. He would have been the agent sitting next to Kurt if he hadn't switched the cards on the table. Funny how differently things can go. Anyway, he doesn't really have much of a backstory other than he used to work for the KGB and is a bloodthirsty hound dog who chases Aon halfway across the country (spoiler: and finds her). If I were to compare him to another character from movies etc, he would probably have the closest vibe to Hans Landa from Inglourious Basterds. The character was very well written, even though I would probably make my namesless_pig a bit younger than him. But since he'll be pumped full of cyberware anyway, it probably doesn't matter much in the end. It's just supposed to be a fucking horrible character and Aon's nightmare.

Robert Walker

Robert is one of the key-characters in my main fanfiction. I haven't thought about him in depth yet, but the general concept is there. He's a British journalist and photographer who wanted to go high by exposing wrongdoings in society. For him, there is nothing more exciting than achieving "fame and notoriety" as a whistleblower. He's not necessarily stupid or doesn't know what he's doing, he's just unlucky. He gets into trouble with the wrong people and upsets the even worse ones, which is why he has to flee the UK and ends up in NC. There he tries to start over and stay out of trouble. However, he soon develops an "unhealthy" obsession with Kurt Hansen. He is incredibly fascinated by him and spends every free minute in Dogtown so that he can perhaps take a photo (or two, or ten) of his idol. At some point, he goes so far as to seek direct contact and wants to interview him. Kurt is flattered at first, but has little desire to reveal information about himself in some strange blog or gossip magazine. But that didn't stop Robert from continuing to stalk him and even trying to become a member of Barghest. At some point, Hansen got too pissed off and gave him the choice of leaving Dogtown or catching a bullet. Robbie chose the second option. After all, he hadn't forbid him to camp outside the gates of Dogtown, had he?

Technically I could tell something about Aon´s mom and her stepfather too, but I don´t have that much yet. So will keep em for the next WIP together with the other OCs for my main fic. There will be three more. A general, a corpo guy and the last is still up for discussion with my brain. Considering somekind of warlord or a netrunner.

Art

I tried to do something different than a full rendered piece of artwork. I am not yet confinced that I like it. I like, that it was finished really fast lmao but...I dunno.

Aon and Tolik - 2055

But happy that Aon is actually recognizable in the end. During the process she looked so much like So Mi at a point that my brain went: WHO ARE YOU GIRL. But I like the long hair. Will give it back to her in her 2078+ appearance. Not exactly like this, but longer than her normal style.

Not quite sure about Anatoly tho. I mean, he looks like this in my head, but I will reconsidere if he will get some cyberarms. He is poor like a mouse, so probably can´t afford expensive tech like this, but he feels kind of „empty“ without anything.

Congrats and huge thanks if you read this far. Brainrot stronk!

Tagging some ppl aswell. Everyone else is invited too to show off some awesome stuff ofc, no pressure as always!

@blackrevell @olath124 @cyberholic77 @cybervesna @pinkyjulien @theviridianbunny @therealnightcity @wanderingaldecaldo @miss--river @barghestapologist @kdval @streetkid-named-desire @aggravateddurian @androgymess

[lilythesingingwitch]

So I may have created a trolls AU based the show Julie and the phantoms (which I highly recommend you check out)

In this AU, instead of being a simple boy band like in the movie, they a literally a band, with JD on the lead guitar, Bruce on drums, Clay on the bass, Floyd on keys, and Branch is the second guitar in training. Poppy and Branch are still best friends, and are gonna become a couple eventually, but in the beginning, just friends.

So, without further adieu, let me introduce you, to Poppy and the Phantoms!

First up we have Poppy (Please don't mind the fact that she doesn't have tail in the drawing, I forgot to add it here but it will be present when I digitalize these)

Poppy is a University student still mourning the death of her mother, who is desperately trying to fix her inability to sing and play music since her mothers passing. She still loves music, but the grief is sadly stronger. When her dad brings up the thought of selling the house in favor of helping her, Viva and himself with moving on from her death, she goes to clean the garage, aka her moms old music studio. Where she finds an old CD, for a band called Brozone. When she puts it in the player and lets the first song play, three familiar ghosts pop out of nowhere.

(Things written on the paper, without my spelling mistakes and some minor stuff I didn't write down)

Lives in the house that John Dory and his new band would live and practice at

Discovers the phantoms when looking through her moms stuff in the garage

Figures out pretty quickly who they are, with Branch being her best boyfriend

They make a band to help the guys ascend and Poppy to mend her relationship with music

Lives with Viva and her dad

Next up, John Dory

Back when he was in his teens, he and his brothers made a band called Brozone, which, despite was pretty popular all things considered. However, when they were preparing for one of the biggest concerts of their live, they get into a fight about John Dory being too bossy and demanding of his younger siblings. After which, John Dory leaves the house and his family at the age of 17. In the span of his time alone, he makes a new band with some of his new friends. In a short span that they've been a band. John Dory wrote pretty much all of the songs that they sang, and though trial and error, they got an opportunity to play on a stage that has made a lot of underground artists mainstream. However, John never gets the chance to play on that stage, for her dies from a poisoning 30 mins before the show.

(Things written on the paper)

He and his brothers were in a band called Borzone, where he played the guitar

Until he, SpBruce and Clay quit, leaving Floyd and Branch alone (Well, they all lived with Grandma, you get what I mean)

Regrets it, deeply

Wrote all the Brozone songs, including songs for his new band

Also wrote "Unsaid Emily", which was originally named "Unsaid Family" as a tribute to his biggest mistake in life and an apology to his brothers, but renamed it.

Died right before his big performance on the same day and Bruce and Clay

Died at the age of 23

Bruce next

When his brother proposed the idea of making a band, he had his doubts, since they were all in school and had their own stuff to do, but then again, up until then, he and JD always did crazy things together, and band was by far the most tamest of his brothers ideas. And with everyone else on board he thought "fuck it, why not?". And it was fun for a while, until he noticed how controlling JD had become, always telling him to go practice instead of letting him hand out with friends, telling him to watch his shape, giving him a work out routine for that, Bruce had enough and finally stood up to his brother and claimed that he's quitting the band, to which Clay joined in on, and which prompted JD to leave all together. And soon after, he leaves the house at the age of 16. He rents a small house by the beach, works at the cafe near it, changes his name from Spruce to Bruce, and takes up surfing. Which also becomes his downfall on a particularly bad day, and he takes his surfboard out for a quick swim, gets swallowed by a wave, and never resurfaces.

(Things written on the paper)

Was the drummer in Brozone

Was the first one to declare he's leaving the band and feels like it's his fault for causing the butterfly effect of others quitting as well

Left to live by the beach as soon as he could

Wanted to reach out to his brothers, but only ever sent a single post card to each

Died in a surfing accident on the same day as John Dory and Clay

Died at the age of 22

Cried when they all realized that they're dead

Last but not least (for now), Clay

Clay was, surprisingly, very on board with JDs idea about the band, despite being the nerd and bookworm of the family. He just wanted to spend more time with his brothers and have fun. That quickly changed when John completely stopped paying attention to Clays interests, hobbies and dreams. And especially with the forced title of "The fun one". He finally snapped when John kept trying to push them beyond their limit for their important concert, the time they should've spent relaxing after all the hard work they did to get this far was instead spent with their instruments like that's all that mattered. When Bruce brought up quitting the band, Clay happily joins that train, and walks out the door as soon as John and Bruce do. And so, Clay leaves the house and goes to stay with his friend at the age of 14. He finishes high school, gets accepted into a very good university, and moves into a dorm as soon as he can as to not cause more trouble for his friend than he already has. And life is good again, he's doing what he wants, works at a local library, studying to be a licensed CPA, and is gathering his courage up to confess to Viva. However, he does the latter too late, for he confesses to her and dies in a fire at the university while saving her, pushing her out of the burning building before it collapses on top of him.

(Things written on the paper)

Was the bassist in Brozone

Stayed with a friend after leaving the band and moves into a dorm as soon as he got accepted into uni

Was going to be a licensed CPA

Was best friends with Viva before he died

Died on the same day as John Dory and Bruce in a fire

Died at the age of 20

Was also in a sad book club

There's still a lot I need to write out about this AU, and a lot of characters to draw and design, but I hope you all like what I have so far! Here are some redraws of certain scenes from Julie and the Phantoms with this crew (again, excuse the lack of tails on one of these, I once again forgot to add them, just imagine that they're there)

[catsandcahills]

Give me your Fiske Cahill headcanons

Ooo yes okay! It’s been a while since I reread the series so apologies if some of these are incompatible with canon or are included in canon lol

AUTISM.

He refuses to eat fish on principle. When anyone else eats fish around him, he’s convinced they’re making fun of/insulting him.

He’s slightly weary of Saladin for the same reason.

Sure, he wears black to blend in and be drama queen. But also because he can own like twenty copies of the exact same piece of clothing so he knows it’s comfortable and he doesn’t have to waste time deciding what to wear.

He’s definitely forged at least one Janus painting and they still haven’t noticed.

He thinks it’s funny to pretend to be a helpless old man and/or confused American tourist to get out of complicated situations

Fiske and McIntyre would play chess and other strategy games while Fiske got filled in on Grace and her grandchildren.

His music tastes have been heavily influenced by Nellie. Dan finds it hilarious to see Fiske, dead to the world, with wired white earbuds tethered to Nellie’s hand-me-down past-generation iPod (it’s stained with spots of chipped nail polish and a sharpie-scribbled skull). He tells no one that he actually enjoys garage band punk.

He regularly painted Hope and her family, but would always burn the works as soon as they were completed so he didn’t put his loved ones at risk.

In the same vein, he now has an art studio in the mansion full of paintings of Dan, Amy, Nellie, and the rest of the people he loves; as well as landscapes of his travels.

He has mailed Beatrice varieties of smelly fish on more than one occasion. You know, since she must love fish so much.

Nellie tried to teach him to bake… let’s just say it wasn’t his calling. Something about Dan thinking the Vesper’s were burning down the mansion again, fire departments were called- it’s all a bit of a blur.

I think that’s all I’ve got for now, hope these are fun! I’ll rb this if I think of any more as I reread

[miniteezez]

Yoongi x fem reader

Genere: fluff fluffy fluff. Established relationship

Synopsis: your evening with yoongi

No warnings

It was past eleven pm. Rain hammered down on the windscreen as yoongi drove home. His eyes stung from staring at a screen all day. But, he'd finally got the beat figured out. As soon as he heard jimin was doing his own solo work, he jumped on the idea and promised to help in producing. And, even though he loved it, god, he was tired. Of course, jimin held a special place in his heart to everything had to be perfect. After three days, it had all molded together. Pulling into his garage, yoongi locked his car and hastily made his way over to the door. He fumbled a bit, struggling to get his keys straight. All day, just work. No good or water. He winced internally at his stupid actions or lack there of. Once the door was open, he wasted no time in getting it shut and kicking his shoes off. The soft patter of footsteps could be heard and he didn't need to look up to know who was coming. Arms wrapped around his middle, face pressed firmly into his neck. Yoongi felt peace, finally.

"You should be asleep." He muttered, hugging back just as tightly. Slowly, you pulled away and looked up at him with a frown.

"Dont be lecturing me. You've been gone all day. Have you eaten?" When you got no response, you sighed sadly. Taking hold of your hands, he kissed each one lovingly.

"I'm sorry, (y/n)." Not neing able to resist his slightly pouty face, you let out a little laugh before tugging him along.

"Go shower, I'll heat up some food for you okay?" He agreed, slipping off into the bathroom.

After his shower was done, yoongi threw on a sweatshirt and some matching sweats before heading to the kitchen. Expecting to find you there, he was surprised to find it empty. Turning on his heel, he stepped into the living room and instantly smiled upon seeing the room. Everything looked so cosy. With blankets piled up on the cream soft, candles lit and Netflix displayed on the tv. Yoongi also spied the steaming food on the coffee table and almost groaned when it caused his stomach to rumble. A giggle was heard behind him and he smirked, quickly turning round. After a quick check to make sure your hands were free, he grabbed you by the waist and carefully (very, very carefully. Yoongi wasn't a monster.) threw you over his shoulder. Squeaking in surprise, you hammered down on his back jokingly. He dumped you onto the blankets before promptly hovering over her.

"You think my suffering is funny do you?" Hands pinned by you head, you laughed and shook your head.

"No of course not!" Grinning, his hands found your sides and attacked them, bringing you out into a fit of laughs. Through each breath, you tried to apologise but it was just downed out by the man chuckling above you. Deciding to give mercy, yoongi sat back whilst you caught your breath. His eyes never left your form, wallowing in all your details.

"You're staring." You smiled, sitting up so the two of you were closer together. Shrugging, he repositioned yourselves so he was sat with you between his legs. Reaching over, you grabbed the plate and began feeding your boyfriend.

"Just admiring what's mine." He spoke, words muffled by food. It still made you blush however and another smile graced your lips.

"Stop being silly." Once all the food was gone, the plate was put down and you turned to yoongi with an expectant expression. Puzzled, he brushed some hair off of your face.

"Want something darling?" Nodding at him, you tugged on the jumper he was wearing. Of course, he thought but took it off anyway. Happily, you threw it on and immediately lay down onto his chest. Yoongi took a moment to appreciate the situation he was in. You were nestled on his chest, his fingers running through your hair tenderly.

"You're not going to the studio tomorrow." He furrowed his brows ar your words. Seeing this, you leant up and and cupped his cheeks.

"I text joon, we're both staying off tomorrow. We can sleep all day."

"No." He answered sternly making you frown. Did he not want to be with you? He suddenly smiled at you, taking your hands off his fave to hold them.

"If I'm gonna be off we're not sleeping. We can go on a date." He said, hands moving down to your waist. Relaxing, you smiled happily and wrapped your arms around his neck.

"I'd like that." You replied, leaning forward and pressing your lips to his. Reciprocating the kiss, yoongi thumbed at your waist, effectively brining you closer. You smiled into the kiss and pulled away for breath shortly after.

"We can go to your favourite restaurant? I'll book it out." Sometimes you forgot just how influential your boyfriend was. He could book out a whole restaurant just so you had privacy. Nodding, you buried your face into the crook of his neck, inhaling his musky scene. Yoongi pulled the blanket over you both and lay back against the cushions. A movie played on low volume in the background  yet neither of you payed attention. You were half asleep by this point, with his fingers scratching against your scalp so gently. He simpered, feeling his own eyes growing heavy. His free arm held you close, pressing a final kiss against your head.

"Goodnight love." You didn't hear him, but you didn't need to. You already knew, even if he wad never good with words. Sometimes, actions speak a thousand times more. He loved you, that's all that mattered.

[heathersproship]

I WENT AND SAW MEAN GIRLS YESTERDAY

Went in with low expectations, but hoping to like it. Listened to some of the soundtrack a few days ago and wasn’t exactly impressed. But I didn’t blame the rearrangements—not entirely. Some of it was questionable, but maybe it’d be like with NPMD where I’d like it more when I had the visuals to go with it (I vastly prefer The Summoning live, and also High School is Killing Me, rather than the studio audio). And for the most part, I was right! I had a nice time.

See below the cut for my thoughts on the songs, other details, and some Janis analysis.

First Things First

We started off strong with the garage setup and Cautionary Tale. The vertical screen on a horizontal one doesn’t bother me, so I love the whole bit with the phone, and Janis plays guitar!

What Ifs was a song I didn’t listen to beforehand, and I understood most of it til Cady got to school. Then I had no idea what she was saying, either because the music was too loud or she was singing too softly, or both.

Meet the Plastics (though really it’s just Meet Regina) was good. Loved the lights flickering and Regina’s hypnotic voice like a siren luring the unsuspecting Cady in. Or an anglerfish.

Stupid With Love was actually not that bad... in the first half. Once we were out of the classroom, it fell off for me. I suppose they were going for a dreamy walking-on-air cloud nine “too in your own little world to notice the world around you” vibe, especially at the very end, but Angourie’s soft vocals didn’t do it for me. I expected a burst of energy since they’re outside and have the freedom to move and be loud with it.

Apex Predator was beautiful visually. Musically, I’m still not sure what to make of Damian singing Cady’s lines when they were about Janis. It’s strange. Couldn’t even have her think them? Record Angourie in a booth to get a feel for how big she can go, play it over a few shots of Cady’s face or the scene in front of them, Cady looking at Janis as she secretly compares Janis and Regina while Janis and Damian are warning her about Regina? No?

The build-up to What’s Wrong With Me was good—love the usage of the music box—though the song itself was a bit awkward. It’s sad all the same though, and that’s the point.

Sexy was good. Blink and you’ll miss the Easter egg.

Someone Gets Hurt was visually stunning. My one gripe is that Aaron has ONE line. Just one. And he doesn’t even sing it because the actor just doesn’t sing (did they hire him for his looks? The fact that he was in TSITP, which I haven’t seen? Why hire someone who doesn’t/can’t sing... for a musical??). Couldn’t they get someone to dub him? It’s just one line. Was that too much to ask? Disguise Damian’s voice if you have to. Giving it to Regina was certainly a choice they made.

Revenge Party was a fucking banger. It’s so fun and hella camp, and I love that they reinstated one of the OG verses (two if you recognize the piñata line from another verse). Also like how the “yes, bitch!” line was also back, unlike in the Broadway recording, though I don’t think that exchange needed to happen twice. I love Janis just loudly popping up with “And ugly crying!” during the bit with the sprinklers like girl shut up you’ll blow your cover! But then there was also that weirdass decision to have it go handheld when Cady goes to get the candy cane. Did not like that, what the hell was that?

Damian singing the iCarly theme in French lmao okay sure.

Someone Gets Hurt Reprise was just as good as the original, I love it. My only nitpick is the wording. “Obsessed” rather than “in love with” though that might have something to do with the doll.

World Burn was epic. Except... okay. Regina waltzed right into school with the Burn Book in hand. What if someone saw her? And then her just deliberately dropping and leaving it on the floor. And people really walked past it before someone finally picked it up? Really? The payoff is excellent, just the setup was... questionable.

Now that I’ve seen it, I definitely like this version of I’d Rather Be Me a lot more than I did before. Especially how it ends. (Though Barrett is still bae.) There’s possibly an allusion to the music video with the running in the halls and going about the school. But my God, Auli’i fucking did that! And again, very glad they kept the curse in the OST.

If that was a reprise of Stupid with Love... here’s an idea: just stop. The horse is already dead.

I See Stars was? Fine? Tbh I don’t really remember it. Probably because the girl who doesn’t go there takes over halfway though. Way to pull your weight, Cady. Angourie did well for some things, but singing really isn’t her strong suit. Again, why hire actors who don’t have the range for a musical?

Other things:

I love that Janis does embroidery here. It just fits.

Did not like the sanitization. How can this be Mean Girls without one mention of “social suicide”? You can keep the bouncing boobs thing and blatantly asking if Cady wants to have sex with Jason, but the band geeks are “corny-horny” and not “sexually active”?

Heyy Ashley Park!

Cady scaring the shit out of Janis and Damian will never not be funny. They were even watching the same scene of the same movie!

I was really hoping to get a flashback of Regina and Janis, with Janis actually burning the doll, rather than Damian acting it out with the toys. Or at the very least, a shot of Regina’s backpack on fire (that would’ve been a great teaser image). So we can get an idea of what Janis was like before, if she went along with the fashion rules like “pink on Wednesdays” or if she was always a little off-beat and Regina pushed her further into it. Maybe even see if she was the queen bee as some people believe was the case back in the day.

Love the bit with music people in the tree and Janis telling them to stop lmao. I love when they do things like that.

Analysis:

So one of the main differences between this Janis and her predecessors is that once this Janis gets to a certain point, she’s satisfied and actually wants to stop so she and her friends can just enjoy their time together rather than asking Cady to take a single night off before, presumably, letting it go on longer. This makes the party betrayal hurt worse when Cady says she wants one more lunch with the Plastics, as it looks like she made the active choice to trade up rather than just forgetting about Janis and Damian in her attempt to ensnare Aaron. Janis’ satisfaction also makes her singing IRBM more justified than in the musical because the movie took away a crucial aspect of her character which made her a Mean Girl to begin with: her anger.

This iteration of Janis just doesn’t have the same level of pure rage that drives her the way Regina does—rage which made them two sides of the same coin���because in this version, Janis is actually gay. The whole conflict in the original was Regina labeling Janis as something she wasn’t, and 2004 being a more homophobic time in history was how it was able to fly. In the 2018 musical, when that was no longer the case, they had to add in another layer with Regina pretending the issue was that Janis couldn’t accept she wasn’t one of the six people invited to her birthday party, before revealing the real issue was the same as the first: Regina pushing a label onto Janis (though Barrett says she played Janis as a lesbian, this was not explicitly confirmed nor acknowledged within the show itself, and is therefore no more canon than Regina being queer because Renee Rapp says so, closeted or not). With Janis being canonically queer here, this takes all the power out of Regina labeling her a lesbian in the first place because yes, yes she is, and? Rather than the problem being about the label, now the problem became Janis’ reaction to the bullying that ensued.

While she had to leave school due to how bad the bullying was in all versions previously (frozen out in the original—according to Regina she dropped out; and having “space dyke” Sharpied on her locker in the musical—according to Damian her parents pulled her out) this is the only time we know of where she retaliated. By burning the plush (and also Regina’s backpack) with a Bunsen burner. Her own actions resulted in her getting kicked out rather than being forced out by circumstances beyond her control, and the choice to do it this way shows that a) while what happened to her was more insidious, she’s also slightly less of a victim than her predecessors, and b) she knows better than anyone actions have consequences—a line of dialogue explicitly absent in the movie’s opening number. She was content to stop where they were at, quit while they’re ahead, because her desire for revenge was satiated and she was ready to move on. Have lunch with Cady and hang out like they always meant to. She’s no longer a Mean Girl. While there was an injustice done upon her, she’s not so scarred by it she’s letting her rage get the better of her to the point it spirals out of control. She was ready and willing to stop. But Cady wasn’t.

And I don’t know how to feel about that.

I think that’s it.