#he's going to talk about his public persona and how HE navigates it

[finexbright]

in just a few hours louis' gonna walk down the red carpet looking absolutely stunning for a documentary he's wanted to put out that features his story in his own words, something he wants to share with the world. everything else aside, it'll be a celebration of everything he's achieved and how far he's come and the beginning of the journey of everything that's still left to come. i hope we focus on that, the joy and achievements and pride.

[mysadcorner]

Helloooo

Would I please be allowed to request affectionate Fem!reader x touch starved batboys + Bale!Bruce Wayne headcanons pls and thx <33

TouchStarved!Batfam x Reader Headcanons

-Credit to the gifs owner - Please be specific about characters wanted in requests -

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Bruce Wayne

• Bruce isn't going to handle his first experience of genuine affection from you very well. He's going to be a bit distant at first until he's comfortable around your affection and he's sure that you're not trying to manipulate him in any way or get something from him (even if he knows that this isn't the case, he still has a hard time with getting close to people and receiving affection).

• Due to the loss of his parents he does hate to genuinely get close to a person in an emotional way, especially if they're a normal person. Until he is finally close to you, and even during your relationship together, he'll be more paranoid and worried about someone finding out his identity and using you as a way to hurt him in any way.

• If you try to get him to open up he will be quite hostile and he genuinely doesn't mean to be. He's becomes very defensive due to the walls he's built up for so long and he isn't quite sure how to allow them to come down and let you in at first without feeling incredibly vulnerable.

• It may be easier for him to get to know you if you're also a hero or vigilante and he gets to know you while keeping his identity a secret. He doesn't have to worry about disappointing you with his true self, and he'll be reassured that you're able to look after yourself if you're ever confronted by anyone intending to cause you harm.

• Opening up to you would be a gradual process, but if you take some time it will be possible to have him be vulnerable and honest with you eventually. You may even help him work through the many emotional problems he has which could lead to him settling down and living a peaceful life without his Batman persona one day in the future.

Dick Grayson

• Dick's loss of his parents cause him to behave almost the opposite of Bruce, and he has become almost addicted to physical touch and emotional comfort. He starts to crave you as soon as you've shown him some affection and he will absolutely become addicted to you being around him.

• He allows himself to open up to you almost immediately if he thinks that you truly care about him and he trust's you. He has a lot of pent up feelings and thoughts that he hasn't able to get out, so you being there for him definitely takes a huge burden off of his shoulders.

• Dick starts to indulge in many of the things he didn't get in the past due to having so many unstable relationships, so this does lead him to rely on you emotionally quite a bit. He always seems to be funny and outgoing on the outside, so once you see this side of him it may come as quite a surprise.

• In public, Dick loves it when you give him affection, but of course he isn't going to go over the top with it. When you give him small touches and affection when outside or around others it gives him comfort and makes him feel much more secure in the situation he's confronted with, even if it's only a social gathering.

• Genuinely opening up to you would be a slow process, and you may need to seek advice from his family at first to try and find a way to make him feel safer while telling you things he doesn't like to talk about. But this will come naturally to him after a while, he just needs to get to a stage where he feels like he's ready to actually say certain things out loud.

Jason Todd

• Jason would probably be quite hesitant to receiving affection, especially if this is shortly after he 're-joined' the family, or hasn't been able to work out the trauma he's been through yet. He get's paranoid about what could possibly happen if you get too close to him, so it's not that he doesn't want your affection - he's just simply scared of the consequences.

• Despite craving someone to be close to, he doesn't have a lot of experience with actual relationships so he may be a bit awkward about how close your relationship is getting. He tries his best as much as he can, but he simply can't figure everything out by himself and he may also seem a bit clueless at times when you first approach him.

• When others aren't around Jason will become very cuddly and attention seeking towards you due to finally getting used to your new found attention for him. He didn't realise how much he was really missing out on, and now when the two of you are alone he can't get enough of it.

• In public, Jason isn't much of a big fan of affection being shown towards him. He's used to keeping up his serious image depending on who is around and he isn't the type of person to want many others seeing him in a vulnerable state no matter how small your affectionate display is.

• When Jason finally opens up to you about being emotionally and physically starved of affection and touch, he will get quite emotional. He's been keeping so many emotions and thoughts buried deep inside himself for so long that when he finally lets it all out it's like huge floodgates have been opened. You can try your best to settle him down, but this is just something he really needs to get out more than anything else.

Tim Drake

• Tim would be more inclined to return your affection even if he has been touch starved for a while since he knows how to express himself in this way a bit better than the rest of the family. He's always much calmer when opening up to you and gets to the point quickly so you wouldn't have to spend time guessing whether he's comfortable or not with your affection towards him.

• He would be quite bashful about your new found affection at first, even though he’s more than willing to accept it. He comes over this very easily though, as soon as he sees how much affection you have for him he loves it instantly.

• Tim will crave your company after you first start showing him some love and affection, especially if he notices that you’re doing it because you want to and not because you think you have time while being with him. He’s constantly keeping himself close to you in the hopes of you giving him attention without him needing to ask directly at first and will keep giving you hints depending on how long it takes for you to catch on.

• If you show Tim affection in public, or while other people are around, he may get flustered and blush a lot at first. After a while he’ll become used to a bit PDA and will be quite comfortable with it as long as it isn’t too much.

• Tim wants to be honest with you, so he’s probably going to be the most truthful about things compared to the other people in his family. However, he still has a habit of leaving out key information from the things he tells you unless you trick him into a very comfortable situation where he can’t help himself but to open up to you.

Damian Wayne

• Damian isn’t going to react well to affection the first time you try to give him some, even if the two of you are deemed to be close. He simply isn’t used to it, so even if he wants it his body may naturally put its guard up due to it being a new concept he’s experiencing.

• It will be awkward for a while as he tries to move past this, but all he really needs it to get used to it and experience it more often. Once you show affection towards him on a regular occurrence then he will be more than happy to receive it in private. He still won’t be into PDA no matter how used to it he is.

•When the two of you are alone then he will absolutely want affection from you, especially after he’s had a difficult day. He’ll be blunt to you about it and may feel more inclined to show affection towards you rather than for you to behave that way towards him once he’s able to express himself well.

• He’ll be strongly against it in public. Not only does he see it as a weakness but he would also prefer it to be a highly private thing for him. If you ever reached out to hold his hand then he may hold it back after a while of consideration, but under no normal circumstances would he initiate it himself.

•After Damian is used to giving and receiving affection from you physically, it will be much easier for him to express his emotions. It may still be quite hard for him, but after he starts to open up he realises how much better he feels to do so.

[avatar-anna]

Love Games

summary: in which harry and y/n navigate having a secret relationship

young dad!harry, part of this / this universe

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Never have I ever had a song written about me.”

“Never have I ever made out with someone twice my age.”

“Never have I ever hooked up with a fan.”

With each prompt given, Harry was forced to give the answer that would best fit his image. Everyone laughed or cheered when he revealed that he had in fact done those things, which made the lunch Y/n had an hour earlier curdle in her stomach.

She knew it was all lies, that he’d never done any of those things—unless she counted as a fan—and that this was all part of his carefully curated popstar persona. The real truth was PR stunts and fake dates that made Harry seem a certain type of way to the general public. The truth was that Harry was that Harry wasn’t the womanizer everyone thought he was. The truth was he was the father of a two year old who he helped potty train and taught new words and sang lullabies to. Harry Styles wasn’t who he was portrayed to be, Y/n knew that, but something she couldn’t put a name to irritated her about the game, the questions, and Harry’s answers.

Because another truth was that Harry spent a lot of time on the road. He was handsome, talented, rich, and popular. And Y/n knew that even if those who wanted him knew about her and the daughter she and Harry had, they would still throw themselves at him. Who was to say that after an argument over the phone or if he was just feeling particularly lonely that he didn’t seek the comfort of someone else while she was home with Simone?

It was a terrible thing to think, but rumors about Harry being in a relationship with a model were running rampant the last few days. Rumors about Harry dating someone were always running rampant. Y/n normally didn’t give tabloids and gossip sites much thought, but for some reason it was all getting to her.

“Mumma? Hold you?”

Looking away from the hotel TV—because you couldn’t actually go to the live taping without raising suspicion—she mustered a smile for Simone. “Of course, love bug.”

Y/n swept Simone up into her arms and sat her on her lap. The two year old watched the screen, eyes never leaving it until the commercial break. She clapped and smiled and pointed, reaching her little arms out as if Harry could push through the screen and grab her.

“See Daddy now?” Simone asked, confused as to why she couldn’t see him anymore.

“Soon, baby,” Y/n responded.

And almost like he could sense them talking about him, Y/n’s phone pinged with a new message.

him <3: be back in twenty minutes!

Y/n knew it wasn’t his fault, and she knew that none of what he admitted to was true, but she couldn’t shake her doubts like she normally could. So she gave him a simple “ok” and turned her phone over. She looked down at Simone, who she could always rely on to cheer her up.

Her daughter’s face was the perfect mix of her and Harry. She had Y/n’s nose and Harry’s wide green eyes, her pouty lips and his deep dimples. She was too cute not to smile at, Y/n often found. Harry traveled the world, but hers was right here in her arms.

“How about some room service? You want chicken nuggets, bug?”

Simone nodded enthusiastically, and Y/n put the order in soon after.

When Harry came back to the hotel room, his bandmates followed, bringing all their usual noise and chaos. Some days Y/n would kick them out because she was trying to put Simone down for a nap, but the little one was still happily munching on cut up pieces of chicken, so she didn’t mind as much.

“Little Styles!”

Harry, Louis, Liam, and Niall all came into the room, crowding around Simone’s high chair. Simone smiled up at the boys, but it was her dad she reached for. He quickly took her out of the high chair so he could pick her up so the boys could play with her, and Y/n saw that as an opportunity to step away. She wasn’t sure if Harry knew she was upset, but she didn’t know if she could fake being fine either way. So while everyone fawned over Simone, Y/n slipped into the bathroom.

Her and Simone’s hotel room was standard—two full beds next to each other, one bath, a TV mounted on the wall, a small desk. Harry had a suite a few floors above them to not raise any questions as to why he would need a high chair or anything remotely baby related sent up to his room. As far as the hotel was concerned, Y/n and Simone were guests completely separate from Harry Styles and the rest of One Direction.

That notion squeezed Y/n’s heart uncomfortably too. She didn’t need to be in a suite or anything fancy like that, but she hated the way Harry’s management treated her and Simone. They couldn’t go to his shows, or they could, but Y/n couldn’t hold Simone so as not to raise suspicion about a young mother backstage at a One Direction concert. Any time spent together as a family was inside a hotel room—hers, never his. And absolutely no dates or staying the night.

Things hadn’t always been like this, but Harry explained that after Zayn left, the leash had been tightened on all the boys. There would be no room for error on anyone’s part, especially nothing as big as a baby scandal.

Y/n never said it to Harry, but sometimes she was selfishly grateful for the hiatus One Direction were taking soon. She didn’t want to announce to the world that she was Harry’s long-time girlfriend and mother of his two year old daughter, but she just didn’t want to feel suffocated like this anymore, or feel like there were people on Harry’s team who despised her and Simone for just existing.

Tears were on Y/n’s cheeks before she even realized it, the pinch of cold on the tracks they left behind being the only indication. She hastily wiped them away, knowing Harry or one of the boys would eventually notice her absence and come looking for her. Once she felt like she’d composed herself, she unlocked the bathroom door and stepped out. Liam, Louis and Niall were on their way to the door when she shuffled out of the bathroom, all of them awarding her with big hugs and warm smiles.

“You okay?” Louis asked quietly so no one but Y/n could hear him.

She nodded wordlessly, but he gave her a comforting squeeze on the shoulder and a tender smile before leaving the room with the other two boys. Of all the boys—besides Harry, of course—she’d become the closest to Louis.

The door clicked shut, and there was silence. Walking down the short hall, she reached the main space of the hotel room to find Simone back in her high chair and Harry feeding her. Y/n’s body filled with warmth at the sight, making her almost forget about all the things she’d felt the last couple hours.

She hadn’t made much noise, but Harry looked over to where she was standing. “Hey. Everything alright?”

“No, not really, but I don’t want to talk about it in front of her,” Y/n said with a smile.

“Do you want me to ask one of the boys to watch her while we talk in my room?”

She couldn’t keep the bite out of her voice as she replied, “I didn’t realize I was allowed to be in your room.”

Harry sighed and rubbed a tired hand over his face. He’d grown up so much since Y/n first met him, and yet he still looked so young. If she didn’t know him, she would never guess he was a dad, and she suspected Harry would say the same.

She wondered what life would’ve been like for the both of them if they’d never met, if they hadn’t been so careless one night. This life was difficult at times, and frustrating at others, but Y/n would put up with all of this again if it meant having Simone, but she did wonder.

“Of course you are,” Harry said, but he didn’t sound sure. Because the truth was he didn’t actually know if Y/n was allowed to be in his suite. Sometimes she thought Harry’s management worried that leaving the two of them alone for too long would result in another pregnancy, but no one ever said that was the reason, of course. “Y/n, can we please talk—”

“I—I think I just need some air. Can you watch her for a little?” she ended up saying.

Y/n could tell that Harry wanted to talk about whatever it was that was bothering her, but he didn’t try to stop her. “Yeah. Go ahead.”

“Text me if you need anything,” was all she said before she left.

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Harry knew he was in hot water, he just couldn’t pinpoint what it was.

The comment about being allowed into his hotel suite gave him a pretty good idea, but it seemed like it was more than that. He knew that Y/n put up with a lot, that being holed up with a two year old like this all the time wasn’t easy, but usually they were able to talk through their issues and come to a resolution together. But Y/n seemed so distant before she left. It made Harry incredibly nervous.

He loved Y/n with every fiber of his being. She was his best friend and greatest confidant, she supported him and cheered him on as he achieved so much, and was there for him whenever it all became too much. She was the first person he told about Zayn leaving, had listened to him rant and complain and try to make sense of one of his closest friends keeping such deep struggles a secret. She was everything to him, he just hoped she knew that.

“More please.”

Harry’s thundercloud of thoughts cleared for Simone, his mouth immediately forming a smile. “More?” he asked, pretending to be astounded. “You want more?”

Simone nodded, the curls on her forehead bouncing with the movement. Harry was going to cut up another piece of chicken for her anyway, but that smile would’ve sealed the deal.

When she was done eating, Harry took her out of the high chair and set her on the floor to play with some of her toys. He kept a watchful eye, knowing there was plenty of things in the hotel room a toddler could get into but shouldn’t. But she just sat on the floor and played with her plastic magnets, stacking them together and making new shapes. Harry sat with her, marveling at her creations when she showed them off and helping her build a tower just to knock them down.

Y/n found them sitting together when she came back to the room, feeling a little better than she had when she left. Harry didn’t say anything as she sat down next to him, though a wave of relief washed over him when she rested her head on his shoulder.

“Sometimes I just wish it was all over now and we didn’t have to deal with all of this, you know?” she breathed, watching Simone play with her toys.

“I’m sorry,” he said, knowing there wasn’t much else he could say. A lot of her stress was because of him.

Despite her best efforts, she sniffled. “I just hate the constant rumors and people thinking you’re available to be hit on or flirted with. And I know you would never cheat on me. I know that, but sometimes when it’s constantly in my face I can’t help but…” Y/n didn’t finish that thought, they both knew what she wasn’t saying. “And when it’s all over, I don’t even get the comfort of you holding me at night because—because—”

Harry did his best to hold her despite the angle they were sitting at. At first he was hurt at the implication that she thought he would ever cheat on her, but he wasn’t quite sure how he would handle everything if the roles were reversed. The fact that she was still here, still talking to him, meant more than words could describe.

“I—I’m yours, Y/n,” he said softly, but not without conviction. “Nothing matters to me more than what’s in this room. You and Simone have my heart.”

“I know,” she said, like she actually believed it. “It just feels like the world is against us sometimes.”

Harry knew “the world” was a stand-in for his management. They made their lives exponentially more difficult emotionally, but there wasn’t much he could do. Even during the hiatus, Harry would still be contracted with them, forced to play by their rules and hide Y/n and Simone away like they were something to be ashamed of.

“I’m gonna stay here tonight,” Harry finally said.

“Are you sure?” Y/n asked, knowing he’d get in a lot of trouble for risking exposure. Even if all management had to do was make people sign an NDA, they never wanted to take that chance. Y/n often supposed that their vigilance was something to appreciate, but she also thought their methods could be harsh.

“Yeah. I’ve missed having you in my arms too.”

She took her head off his shoulders then, their faces close enough that their noses were touching. Y/n nudged his with hers until he leaned in for a kiss. It was soft, nothing too intense while their two year old was playing right in front of them.

Later that night when Simone was fast asleep, Harry and Y/n stayed up, talking about everything and nothing. They both missed the intimacy of late night chats in bed, and though Harry had to be up early tomorrow morning, he made no attempts to go to sleep.

“Let’s go somewhere,” he whispered, thumbs caressing her bare shoulder.

He was talking like he could do whatever he wanted and go anywhere he wanted at the drop of a hat, but Y/n didn’t pop the bubble. She didn’t want to.

“Where?”

“I don’t know. Somewhere no one will find us. Somewhere no one knows who I am.”

“Might be a hard place to find,” she mused, playing with the rings on his finger.

She admired each one on his hand, pausing at the one on his ring finger. Her own was bare, there was no way they would ever be allowed to get engaged. But it was something she thought about amidst her busy life as a mom. Y/n often went back and forth between letting the world know that Harry was hers and hers only, as he’d promised, and keeping their love to themselves. Today was a shout it from the rooftops kind of day.

“I want it too,” Harry said, his eyes having tracked her gaze to where her bare finger lay tangled with his. They were young, sure, but they’d been through a lot together the last few years. He wanted her as badly as the day they first met, and if that wasn’t a sign that he was meant to be with her forever, he didn’t know what was.

Y/n turned so that she was facing him. Her eyes were heavy like they were fighting off sleep, but she kept them open. His long hair was splayed across the pillow, tangled from where her hands had rucked it up earlier. Harry, for whatever reason, had decided he wanted to grow it out. Y/n didn’t mind, though, she thought it made him even more irresistible. And the way Simone held a strand of it in her little fist whenever he held her was absolutely adorable.

“Want what?” she asked, even though she knew.

Harry leaned forward. Their lips touched, but he wouldn’t kiss her. Instead he mumbled, “To make you my wife. To let anyone who’s ever looked twice know that you have a husband.”

His words made her shiver. Harry’s jealousy didn’t show itself very often because they couldn’t be seen in public together. But he wasn’t an idiot. Y/n was breathtaking when they met, and she was even more so now. He could only imagine how many times people tried to flirt with her when he was away. Just the thought lit a spark of jealousy in him.

Y/n ran a hand through his hair. “Good to know we’re still wildly possessive of each other.”

Harry chuckled and kissed the spot just above her brow. “Always will be.”

She kissed him, leaving him no time to react before pushing her tongue past the seam of his lips. Harry groaned appreciatively, the low rumble making her toes curl. Y/n relished every movement, every stroke of his tongue against hers, each inch of her skin he claimed with his hand.

They were as quiet as they could be, aware of their daughter in her crib just a few paces away. A mouth on the shoulder to muffle, slow movements that didn’t have them breathing heavily but still sent them reeling, kisses that swallowed any noises that wanted to escape. By the end of it, they were littered with love bites and completely spent.

Y/n rested her head against Harry’s chest, her hand resting on his stomach as her thumb caressed the soft skin there. He worked out quite often and was in great shape, but she loved that he had a little bit of a belly.

“What would the world think if they knew Harry Styles had a dad bod?” Y/n murmured, giving him a soft pinch.

“Hey,” Harry replied, but wasn’t actually offended. “You love this body.”

“I do.”

Tipping her head up, she kissed him, sighing against the comfortable slide of his lips against hers. She was about to rest her head back on his chest when there was movement from the crib and a soft cry.

Shimmying into a pair of pants, Harry went over to the crib and picked up Simone. “Just this once,” he said, laying her down between him and Y/n, who didn’t hesitate to take her into her arms. In seconds, Simone was fast asleep, her cheek squished up against Y/n’s shoulder.

“Perfect,” she heard Harry whisper before his arm snaked over Y/n’s waist. Simone’s hand subconsciously reached for Harry, latching onto his hair. He kissed her cheek once before resting his head on his pillow once more before falling asleep, savoring the peace he felt of sleeping with his family in his arms.

[emotionallychargedtowel]

prying off the shell

Hayama's friend Mihara makes a really trenchant observation in episode 7 of 25 Ji Akasaka de. First he points out that Shirasaki doesn't seem to have a "shell"--his way of talking about a social self, a persona that a person experiences as separate from their core self. Then he points out that Hayama not only has a "shell," he has multiple layers of shell, so many that it's essentially impenetrable. If you explore what's underneath his social persona, there's just another persona, and another under that, with no end in sight, like a seemingly neverending set of matryoshka dolls. At first Mihara says this to draw a parallel between the two, to claim they're similar. But when he elaborates, Hayama responds by saying it sounds like he's describing them as complete opposites. Mihara accedes to this and sums things up by pointing out that life is bound to be hard for someone in either of those positions.

Actually, both are true. These two ways of being have some significant overlap in their execution, and they also have huge fundamental differences at their cores.

One of the biggest things that Shirasaki and Hayama have in common is the fact that there's little difference between their public personas and their private selves. Shell-less Shirasaki is the same candid, sensitive person whether he's alone with someone he cares about or interacting in public with people he doesn't know very well, because he doesn't have a special persona for public settings. He's just Shirasaki inside and out and makes no bones about it--nor does it ever seem to cross his mind to do so. But he probably couldn't if he did want to.

Hayama's multilayered shell creates a similar effect for the opposite reason. Hayama has a carefully constructed social self. But if you bring him into a private setting, even if he sets aside his most public persona, you're just going to be presented with another carefully constructed persona designed to navigate a particular social situation. This means that public Hayama and private Hayama aren't that different. They may seem different at times, but that's only because he tailors his personas for different settings. He must be very skilled at it after all these years.

This opposite-yet-similar relationship is also present in how they both relate to acting in general, and more specifically to the idea of having a "fake" dating relationship with a costar for the purpose of improving a performance. For Hayama, acting is an opportunity to express emotions in a way that he can't otherwise. It's not just that acting provides a loophole from the system of rules he grew up with, though importantly, it does do that. He says that the way he learned as a young child not to express too much emotion around his mother was to make himself numb. Since he learned this lesson at such a young age, his ability to get in contact with his authentic emotions has atrophied. Acting provides him not only with permission to show emotion to portray in his performance, but also with ready-made words and actions he can use to do so. In other words, Hayama yearns for the freedom to express feelings, but if he had to express his own emotions he probably wouldn’t know how to access them. So it helps that acting comes with a script that can tell him how he's supposed to feel and how he's supposed to express that. When Hayama acts, he places a sort of veneer of a private self over his shell, and this allows him to experience something similar to being his authentic self.

Shirasaki doesn't tell us explicitly what he gets out of acting, the way Hayama does. But I think it must be the opposite of what Hayama gets out of it in a way. For Hayama, acting is a way of getting around his overactive system of control and gaining back some lost immediacy. For Shirasaki, for whom emotional immediacy is as natural as breathing, I think acting must provide a greater sense of control. It must be so taxing for Shirasaki to live in the world without a shell. He's buffeted about by social forces that he lacks resources to navigate and the unpredictable events that ensue hit him harder because of his unguarded authenticity. Acting could be a way of making these experiences predictable. He may not know what's going to happen to his shell-less self in his everyday life, but at work, the script tells him exactly what to expect. It must also be nice for Shirasaki to gain respect and validation for his authenticity after what I can only assume has been a lifetime of being criticized for that aspect of himself.

In a related way, Shirasaki's main challenge as an actor is also very different. He's great at the expressiveness part of acting. If he can feel something, he can portray it in his performance, because authenticity is so natural to him. If anything, he doesn't have a choice--he doesn't know how to stop being authentic. Issues come up, however, when he doesn't have an easily accessible emotion that maps onto how his character feels. He has an amazing delivery system for emotion that brings his feelings to the audience, but a delivery system only works if you have something to deliver. The situation that drives the story in 25 Ji is the fact that Shirasaki has to seek out these raw materials in order to perform.

One of the biggest issues I've had with this series from the beginning is the idea that a supposedly gifted actor like Shirasaki would think that he has to have firsthand experience with something in order to portray it (leading to his trip to the gay bar, his initial encounter with Hayama, and their pretend relationship). But this way of conceptualizing Shirasaki's personality goes a long way toward explaining that. If you don't know how to be fake in your private or your professional life, of course you'll have more of a need for firsthand experiences to draw from. It might also be a factor that Shirasaki is less likely than others to realize, and/or care, that this form of "rehearsal" generally isn't done.

Once Shirasaki and Hayama begin their pseudo-relationship, their distinct ways of relating to the world impact their experiences. For Hayama, there isn't that much difference between this pretend relationship and a supposedly real one. We don't know anything about his dating history, but it seems doubtful that any past relationships would have been appreciably more authentic than this one. After all, Hayama doesn't even know how he really feels half the time. How could he be emotionally present with another person under such circumstances? So their pseudo-relationship feels as authentic to him as any "real" one he's had, and quite possibly more so given the strength of his feelings for Shirasaki. This goes back to my first point--there's little difference between Hayama's public and private selves--and just puts it in a relationship context. Basically, a fake relationship and a real one are similar for him because both are equally fake.

Once again, Shirasaki's public and private selves are also remarkably similar, but in a different way and for different reasons. He welcomed the pseudo-relationship because he needed firsthand experience to fuel his performance, but his lack of a shell and lack of skill at pretending make it so that acting out a relationship and actually being in one are hard for him to distinguish. In other words, a fake relationship and a real one are similar for Shirasaki because both are equally real.

These opposite ways of relating bring the lead characters into somewhat similar positions at times, but for very different reasons. For a while, these opposites were so complimentary that they balanced each other out. That balance created stability. Their pseudo-relationship was easier to navigate then, but if it had continued that way, it would have been hard to topple in favor of something real.

There's one thing that keeps these opposing approaches from truly being mirror-image versions of each other, though: the fact that Hayama's feelings for Shirasaki are causing his authentic self to strain against the confines of his shell. If he could easily keep going the way he always has, and felt no need to change, any real relationship between him and Shirasaki would be pretty much doomed. But even the thickest shell has a center. There's a little nugget of authentic self that Hayama has had shuttered away inside his shell for most of his life. It hasn't seen light in a long time. It hasn't grown much since he was a child, because it hasn't been allowed to. But it has always been very responsive to contact with Shirasaki, even from afar. Now that Hayama has been able to get closer to Shirasaki, that little nugget of selfhood is growing exponentially, and as it grows it gets stronger and more insistent.

Hayama says that being with Shirasaki feels like having his shell "pried off." This is how that happens. It's bound to be scary, maybe even terrifying, to go through that. It's a kind of personal growth that Hayama probably couldn't find the motivation to push through if he didn't want so badly to be close to Shirasaki for real. But he does want that very deeply, enough to take this risk. So the different ways that Hayama and Shirasaki relate to the world, which had been such stable opposites, are on their way to becoming less perfectly balanced and thus more amenable to change.

There's a catalyst on the horizon: the love scene Hayama and Shirasaki are about to film for their drama. Hayama usually relies on a script to tell him what to feel and how to express that emotion in his work. His shell remains in place during that process because there's a difference between the little bit he can still feel of his real emotions and the emotions he portrays. But his role in the drama he's making with Shirasaki has been growing closer and closer to how he really feels. The love scene seems poised to bring him even closer to his own authentic experience. If the role he plays, the emotions he allows himself to show, sync up enough with the emotions of the little nugget of real self he still has, it could be a key to unlocking his shell. If he's able to speak from his authentic experience, he could find a way to tell Shirasaki how he feels. If he's able to show real emotion in the process, Shirasaki will be able to see the difference and understand what it means.

[not-goldy]

God I can't really stand JK anymore.

Everything regarding him went a downhill since 2023. The way he behaved changed a lot.. LIKE A LOT now he's way cockier as if no one in the whole world can top him and he doesn't need to listen to anyone giving even good advises, how he used to present himself and looked changed drastically now he looks like a junkie, how he used to perform changed so much now he doesn't half half the energy or stage presence and doesn't give af about making mistake a ton times while before he used to perform with extreme perfection. He's listening to their PR teams too much like where did I go live when I miss fans went ? Now he's listening to their cheap promo tricks. His work ethics is completely opposite from what BTS was.. he's working with payola king of the whole industry and buying success. Releasing a 100 version and a western collab with some B grade pop artist. The songs he releasing are basically shit now when he used to release magic shop, film out, your eyes tell and still with you kind of gems.

The ONLY thing connecting me to him now is Jimin. There's no way to avoid JK when you are a Jimin stan. But i'm WAITING for the day Jimin finally open his eyes and get out of this toxic relationship so I don't want to put up with him anymore.

You see, your problem is that Jungkook is not Jimin. That's your problem. Half way through your comment, I smiled to myself and I thought well this Anon would certainly love Jimin then if these are the qualities they looking for in an idol. only to get to the end of the Ask to find out you actually do like Jimin💀

That complicates things for me.

Where should I even begin

There's nothing wrong with having a preference. There's nothing wrong with having a bias.

I'm not gonna come for your throat on this.

You prefer Jimin's work ethics and prefer how seriously he takes his public relations, how he puts on effort and that's alright.

BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO HATE JUNGKOOK just because he's not YOUR PREFERENCE.

If you keep that up you and I gon have a problem.

Do I think Jungkook can take a page or two out of the Jimin idol manual? Sure.

As much as I looove seeing Jungkook live his life on his own terms not giving a fuck what anyone cares- some times, in certain areas I do think he could use that self regulation.

Yet on the other hand, I don't find Jimin's over regulation appealing either. I've ever said his kumbaya persona, caring too much what others think, trying to be perfect, self regulated, evolved, controlling his words, his attention, being overly polite, smiling when he should be cussing people out all in the name of his consciousness of the fact he is an idol really REALLY FRUSTRATES ME.

Jimin struggles with this. The never mind tattoos, the song lyrics yearning for freedom, set me free- where do you think that comes from?

I don't know how we can call ourselves stans and not sense some of these things: the members constantly telling him not to care what people would think, to do whatever he wants,- even Jungkook openly reminding him HE IS AN ADULT and shouldn't care about certain things.

Jungkook is good for Jimin and Jimin is good for Jungkook.

Jimin is the leash and restrain Jungkook needs and Jungkook is the freedom Jimin craves.

Please don't come for jikook I'll paint you and it ain't going to be pretty.

Also remember, this is a human being you are talking about. He is not an alien. He is human just like you. That vitriol and animosity towards him is so not necessary.

I can't help you unhate him.

But please, be a good human.

He is a relatively young man navigating overwhelming situations. I personally think going solo has taught him so much and there is much more he'd learn along the way.

And please, it's slander to say he half ass his performance- have you seen his tiktok? THE THIBGS HE CAN DO WITH HIS WAIST- MY GOD!

Oh and did you see Tae's smoke challenge? I may or may not be addicted to the part he wines his waist- lolay lolay lolay

Sorry I had to go and watch that clip again.

Liste, the point I'm making here is, It's his journey and his choice to decide the type of idol he wants to be. You may like it or you may not. That's a you problem. However he's responsible for his own reputation and his own success in the industry and I think he is still learning to hone his values and filter his choices through those values.

Give that man a break .

AND FREE JUNGKOOK.

Peace out

[darcytaylor]

The part that bothers me is that, seemingly, this might be the person he actually wants to be, and it seems like a lot of “fans” hate it and I can’t imagine at least some of that hasn’t gotten back to him. Like, we have to be honest, by his own words he seems to have a lot of love for his friends and for A that he might not be saying in the same way he was willing to talk about the cast and Nic, but he hasn’t not made it somewhat clear that there are people in his life he loves.

Like, yeah, he probably does feel shitty right now because he’s getting hate online that is somewhat a bit unfair and it probably is effecting how he is acting with his private life. I mean, he did say he was somewhat concerned about what coming down from the promo tour was going to be like. It’s clear that whatever happened post break-up changed him in a lot of ways, and I’m starting to think the Luke he is/was around Bridgerton is just another character for him.

I just don’t think I’ve ever followed a celeb with such a clear disconnect before in terms of their personality/image in public vs private. Like, I see more fans trying to wrap their head around him or justifying him than actually just enjoying his work. It’s truly bizarre.

A lot of people are trying to come to terms with the devision of Luke's public persona and his private life. I am sure that fans reactions impact him personally and professionally. I also think it's completely understandable to feel conflicted about this, especially when it seems like there's a disconnect between the way he presents himself publicly and how he might actually be feeling or living his life privately.

Luke definitely faces scrutiny and criticism that can be harsh, which I am sure is challenging to handle (and I'm sure he sees some of this). I think because of the negative feedback, it has affected how he chooses to present himself publicly. I'm sure it explains some of the shifts we have all observed in his behaviour and public image.

I think it's also correct to say that people are multifaceted and evolving. What you see celebrities put out into the public is just one aspect of their identity, and their private lives can be VERY different. I'm sure Luke is trying to navigate public expectations and personal realities (and it may seem like he is not doing a very good job), but life it nuanced and I'm sure it's hard to align professional and personal when millions of people are watching.

Your observation about fans trying to justify or understand him more deeply rather than just enjoying his work (like you said, so many people are doing this, me included) shows how invested people can become in the lives of celebrities. I think this level of engagement can sometimes blur the lines between personal and public, making it challenging to separate the two.

I think it's important to remember that while Luke does share a small part of his life with the public, he is still an individual with private experiences and emotions (we don't actually know him). Balancing respect for Luke's personal space and having appreciation for his work could probably help navigate this situation, that's what I'm trying to do.

Is Luke handling things perfectly? Probably not (and hindsight is 20/20, I'm sure there are things Luke would like to change in regards to how things have been handled). But like I have said before, I don't have millions of people watching me, so I can't judge too harshly.

[britishassistant]

So imagine that Reporter Yuu and Student Yuu have to meet up to drop off the heads to their respective worlds , V!riddle and s! Riddle are comparing which version of aduces is worse. V!leona is telling s!leona to drop out. V! Azul and s! Azul are comparing business models and leech twins. V!jamil is flexing his independence on s!jamil, whose planning to hex him to hell and back. V! Vi and S! Vil are being shady drama kings towards each other. V! Idia and S! Idia are swapping anime recommendations and ortho upgrades. And v! malleus and s! Malleus are having an argument over favorite gargoyle architect or something lmao

Thank you for the ask, dear anon!

Riddle is a little confused by the fact this supervillain in a half red and white mask insists on talking to him about Ace, Deuce, Trey and Cater, while simultaneously insisting that he has no relation to him.

All the same, he advises the supervillain to tell Dr. Rosehearts to try talking to his mother— it was hard for Riddle to do over the holidays, but he at least managed to get her to look at him and see him as himself rather than as her “project”, even if it was only for a moment.

It’ll still be hard from here, but Riddle knows it’s better than just blindly following his mother’s rules and letting her have her way.

Royal Flush is taken aback by the words from his younger self. Personally, he’s unsure if that will really change anything, or just make his life harder than it has to be, but if there’s a chance...

Leona isn’t sure whether to be offended or not when King tells him to either graduate or drop out of Night Raven College already. He’s leaning towards it on principle, because this adult version of him is just presuming to tell him what to do with his life.

King asks him if he has any better ideas for flipping the bird to Farena—after all, sitting around on his ass is the same as admitting his goody-two-shoes brother has already won by doing nothing, isn’t it? King has an entire evil lair and an army of minions at his fingertips, and his version of Farena is forced to deal with him disrupting the peaceful little realm he inherited, unable to bring King to heel or make him toe the line.

An evil kingdom of his very own that can’t be taken away from him.

Leona points out that King still has to babysit Cheka. King changes the subject.

Octo Dealer places his hands on Azul’s shoulders and offers his sincere commiserations for having to deal with the younger Leeches.

He then tries to make a contract with him to ‘make poor unfortunate Azul’s life easier’.

Azul smiles thinly and offers a counter-contract to take the adult Leeches off of Octo Dealer’s hands if he believes dealing with them is so difficult. Azul can personally think of several things he could achieve off the top of his head if he had adult versions of his friends under his control, and the competition would be interesting enough that he could play them off each other masterfully...

Octo Dealer has never felt so proud.

Snake Charmer is pretending that he’s conversing with the younger version of a hostage he’s taken while talking to Jamil, not that he thinks for a moment that his younger self actually buys the lie. But both of them know the importance of keeping up appearances in front of others, so neither address what both know.

Of course, Snake Charmer can’t resist taking advantage of this to subtly boast about all he’s accomplished, partly to challenge his younger self to aspire to the same heights, partly because he can’t resist showing off to someone who knows his true identity but cannot expose him. He has freedom, the power to do whatever he wants whenever he wants, followers who are lousy with loyalty, admirers throughout the city and nemeses who cannot touch him no matter how they wish to bring him down. But a mere babysitter to a spoiled heir wouldn’t know what that feels like, now would they?

Jamil grits his teeth behind his calm smile, and rolls his magic pen between his fingers.

He retorts almost innocently whether all those things are really accomplishments if they can only be achieved while hiding behind a mask and fake facial hair.

The way Snake Charmer’s eyes narrow at him as he smiles back lets Jamil know he’s won this round.

Vil admires the high quality of Poison Queen’s costume and persona, even if he personally scorns the ugliness of stooping to supervillainy to try and surpass a rival who’s little more than a glorified flasher with good publicity. He’d hoped his older self would have the dignity and beauty to be able surpass someone who plays around in bows and frills.

Consider the costume itself—if Poison Queen could use their skills in designing to market a line of clothes aimed both at consumers and costume departments, whoever his civilian identity is would have his prestige boosted to new heights the likes of that crass ‘White Neige’ could never hope to reach.

Why waste all this talent and effort on supervillainy instead?

Poison Queen scoffs at Vil’s moralizing, making a snide comment about the rasp that’s audible when the little prefect from Vil’s school breathes and talks. It catches them off-guard a lot when they hear it, so it’s a new development, one that’s been induced artificially rather than developed naturally. What, exactly, would Twst!Yuu have needed to be exposed to in order to develop an affliction like this? Some kind of airborne toxin perhaps? A potent one, to be sure, requiring extensive and perfectionist experience with poisons to be able to brew something that left that kind of damage. But what circumstances would have necessitated the creation of such a thing, hm?

Vil goes quiet after that. Poison Queen takes it as a sign of victory. It may be ugliness, but Vil of all people shouldn’t pretend that he’s free of it. Hypocrisy is the ugliest thing of all.

Idia has some questions for Charon about the few robots he caught sight of in the lair before escaping to go to Yuu’s apartment. Charon, who has never been to Yuu’s apartment in person, starts muttering that it’s typical that even an alternate version of himself has better luck than him.

Idia struggles with this idea for several minutes.

Eventually Charon grows impatient enough with his blue-screening that he orders Idia just to ask what he was going to ask. He softens a lot once Idia begins asking about how to reproduce some of the taste sensors and digestive systems of the giant robotic three-headed dogs so that Ortho can eat candy with him while they play games together.

They quickly descend into a jargon-filled back and forth as they debate about how to best merge the technology of the supervillain world with the magitech of Twisted Wonderland so that Ortho not only can eat candy, but convert the sweets into fuel to supplement his current power source.

Twst!Yuu is very confused at how two people can hold a conversation entirely through tablets while standing right in front of each other and looking at each other.

Tsunotaro and Malleus appear to get along at first, chatting quietly about the different gargoyle architecture available in each of their universes, and if the loneliness ever gets more bearable.

And then R!Yuu claps their hands and says everyone needs to get a move on back to their home dimensions as they’re burning daylight, and Tsunotaro nods, picks up Twst!Yuu, and tries to walk back through the portal to the supervillain universe with them safely tucked under one arm.

When R!Yuu grabs him and asks what does he think he’s doing, Tsunotaro just blinks owlishly. “That dimension isn’t suitable for this child to grow up safely in. Wouldn’t it be better to taken them home so we can look after them together?”

R!Yuu is reduced to sputtering at the insinuation, the other supervillains feeling supremely irritated at the display.

Malleus seizes onto Twst!Yuu’s arm. He refuses to just stand by and just let his older self take away his first friend. Tsunotaro asks menacingly if his younger self really thinks he’ll stand a chance against an adult fae’s power, if he can’t even protect one human.

From there it devolves into a standoff between the two powerhouses, the other NRC students preparing to draw their magic wands if it turns into a fight for the prefect, Reporter Yuu trying desperately to get Tsunotaro to just let the other version of themself go before the colliding magic and superpowers do something catastrophic to both portals.

It only calms down once Twst!Yuu pipes up that while they appreciate the offer, they want to go back to Night Raven College with their friends, pointing out that they’d be even less safe as the child of a supervillain in a world they have no idea how to navigate than they currently are as just a magicless student. Besides, they say, a thumb brushing over the bandages on their throat. They have a friend they need to go talk to. If they just left without doing that, they’d probably hate themselves for it for the rest of their lives. They can’t turn their back on him and leave him alone.

Between the two Yuus, Tsunotaro is convinced to reluctantly put them down and let them return to the other students. He’s sulking a lot though.

[theji]

我的世界守则 The Rules of My World: An Analysis

I came across this video while browsing Weibo last night. It was taken during Yibo's rehearsal for his 'The Rules of My World' performance. I've listened to the song countless times and I like it, the rhythm and all, and the dance. But as with many rap music, I don't pay attention to the lyrics. I suddenly realised I don't really know what the song is talking about, save for the few phrases that stood out. That sparked my interest and inspired today's post. I had previously done some analysis of Zhan's songs, so it's Yibo's turn.

Disclaimer: I am not a professional translator or lyricist. And obviously I'm not Yibo nor do I know him personally, so I can't say for sure what the song is really about. The following analysis is purely based on my personal interpretation. It has CPN components. Please skip if you don't believe that BJYXSZD.

'The Rules of My World' is the 2nd song that Yibo penned the lyrics to himself. The fact that he wrote the lyrics is significant and makes the song worth analysing. 2019's 'Wu Gan' was more 'inward-looking'; about Yibo expressing his own thoughts on navigating the entertainment industry. To me, 'The Rules of My World' is him making a statement, a stand, at the same time, he's sending a message to those he cares about - GG and his (real) fans. Yibo released this song on 30 Dec 2020. The timing is interesting cos it like he's summing up his sentiments based on the events that took place during the year. To outsiders, 2020 was a good year for Yibo. He had many endorsements, projects, high exposure, his commercial value rose. But in CPN reality, 2020 was terrible for so many reasons. GG's incident, him being overworked, crazy fan wars and antis etc etc..anyone who cares about Yibo would be delusional to think he had it good last year.

欢迎你们来加入我的世界 (You're welcome to join my world)

入场券上面有正义的光源 (There's a light of justice on the admission ticket)

DD is giving fans an open invitation to enter his world, to understand him as a person and not just an idol. And he also hopes that his world can bring some light to the fans' world, to bring some positivity, encouragement and guidance to them.

此生面对严厉又仁慈的一切 (In this life we'll face harshness but also kindness)

轻松一点，我们一起度过黑夜 (Just relax, together we'll overcome darkness)

In the entertainment world (or life in general), there will be ups and downs, criticisms and compliments. Regardless of what may come, we can overcome any challenges together. Darkness here could also refer to the antis who seem determined to bring GGDD down. This could be a message to fans - to tell them that they don't always have to rush to defend him, and they don't need to retaliate (aka fan wars). It could also be a message to GG, to make a stand of solidarity and to reassure GG that DD will face any challenges alongside him.

新的征途 (A new journey)

愚蠢的，不好相处 (These fools, they aren't easy to get along with)

愚蠢的，不会打住 (These fools, they won't stop)

但衬托明天更耀眼的路 (But they will set off a brighter path for tomorrow)

It was said that DD matured considerably after the 2*7 incident. Took up more responsibility, became more focused on his career and mindful of future advancements etc. Started to take on more serious acting projects and to shift his career trajectory towards something more sustainable and less 'idol'. The new journey could be a reference to this new path. The fools - the antis, those against GGDD - may have caused damage but their actions have also sparked off DD's desire to do better and to find his footing in the entertainment industry. He now has a clearer view of what he wants, the path he wants to take.

我是我的样子 (This is how I am)

我生来就固执 (I was born stubborn)

讲自己的故事 (I'll tell my own story)

活独特的气质 (Living my unique self)

Follow me, 找到自己的价值 (Follow me, find your own value)

不去迎合别人活 才会觉得有意思 (Life is interesting if you don't cater to others)

我的世界不退让 (It's my world I won't give in)

我的世界不退让 (It's my world I won't give in)

Here, DD is being assertive. This is me, I follow my own rules, I'll make my own decisions, I'll forge my own path, I won't be influenced, I won't give up on my beliefs. So antis, capitalists etc can f*ck off.

It could also be seen as an advice to his fans - to follow his lead and live their own lives. This is also something that GG has repeatedly said to fans - to focus on their own lives, personal relationships, studies, careers etc. Don't devote so much time on chasing idols, online fan wars etc.

阳光耀眼 (The sun is dazzling)

乐观地，走向前 (Just move forward with optimism)

阳光耀眼 (The sun is dazzling)

无所谓，多危险 (Doesn't matter how dangerous it is)

阳光耀眼 (The sun is dazzling)

这是我的世界 (This is my world)

我世界的守则，不许你诡辩 (These are the rules of my world, I won't allow any sophistry)

I see this as DD's words of encouragement, to himself and to GG. Despite all the challenges and hardship, darkness will pass and the sun will come out eventually. And it's shining brightly, there is hope left in this world, there's is much to look forward to. So don't fear, be brave and forge ahead.

Sophistry: the use of clever but false arguments, especially with the intention of deceiving

Poor DD is always hit with industry rumours, about him dating his co-stars etc. Last year, someone even made a false police report against him. Just look at the number of statements his company had to put out. There have also always been ongoing rumours about rivalry between GGDD, tales of backstabbing etc, especially in 2020 at the height of the incident. DD is saying that this is his life, his world. No one knows better than the both of them. So to those who don't know better but continue to spew nonsense about his life and relationships and spread hate, know that I don't care about your antics, they don't hurt me but I won't tolerate them as well.

在我世界行走 (Walking in my world)

什么人生主题你透露 (What kind of life theme do you envisage)

是胆大勇猛所向披靡 (Is it to be bold, courageous and invincible)

或胆小逃避钻进壳里 (Or to be timid and escape into your shell)

喧闹倾诉众人party (Is it to pour out your troubles at a rowdy party)

寂寞相思不停地哭泣 (Or to cry silently non-stop out of loneliness and love-sickness)

都欢迎你来我这里 (All are welcome)

只要跟从自己的内心 (So long as you follow your heart)

跟限制和噪音 说一声 bang bang (I'll say 'Bang Bang' to restriction and noises)

怪兽都退散 (Monsters, be gone)

What kind of person am I in your eyes? The cool guy or soft sweet babie Yibo? Here, DD is acknowledging that the public has many different perceptions of him, and fans love different personas of him and he's ok with that. But if you love him, then let him be. Don't try to restrict him, don't quarrel or force him into a certain mould of your preference. He won't hesitate to shoot the haters (monsters) down.

迈出轻盈的步伐 (Take a light step forward)

一声令下 (With a single command)

来宣布 告别孤勇 (To announce a farewell to having to fight alone)

On this new path, with a new-found realisation of what he wants, DD is clear of what he wants to achieve and he is no longer burdened by fear, uncertainties etc. Both GGDD now have each other by their sides, they share a common purpose as they navigate the intricacies of the entertainment industry together and work their way to the top. And I think this is something that we're seeing more in the fandom since end 2020 - GGDD seemingly becoming more bold in their actions and messages they put out (silent or otherwise).

想要做盘旋的龙 (Wanna be a hovering dragon)

还想做懒散的虫 (Or a lazy worm)

别打扰我 走开 没空 (Don't bother me, go away, I have no time for that)

In public, DD is that proud and confident king. He's not a pushover. But behind the cameras, he just wants to chill and relax (and play games). Please don't bother me, give me some privacy to lead my own life, don't tell me what I can or cannot do.

Cue DD's message. He meant it.

Follow me, 找到自己的价值 (Follow me, find your own value)

不去迎合别人活 才会觉得有意思 (Life is interesting if you don't cater to others)

我们永远不退让 (We will never give in)

我们永远不退让 (We will never give in)

This is a repetition of the earlier verse but what has changed is the last 2 lines. From <It's my world I won't give in>, DD now says <We will never give in>. This was actually the first thing that sparked off my CPN, and hinted to me that this song concerns GG in some ways. Who's We? We all know how GGDD almost always use the word 'we' in their CQL promo interviews and bts, as though they come as a package and all views represent both of them as a entity. This also echoes the earlier sentiments - both of them, after the 2020 incident, have developed a steely resolve. They won't let the antis or challenges or societal views hold them back anymore. Their world, their rules. They will fight for their rights and what they believe in, and they are determined to reach their goals.

阳光耀眼 (The sun is dazzling)

乐观地 走向前 (Just move forward with optimism)

阳光耀眼 (The sun is dazzling)

无所谓 多危险 (Doesn't matter how dangerous it is)

阳光耀眼 (The sun is dazzling)

这是我的世界 (This is my world)

我们的世界不会被改变 (Our world will never be changed)

Again, similar to the above 'we' example. From this part of the song onwards, DD is referring to them both. The last line could also be viewed as an affirmation of GGDD's commitment to each other. Whatever is it, our relationship will not change. We will go through it all together.

Don‘t stop, get it, get it

Let me see you work up on it

Don’t stop, get it, get it

Let me see you all up on it

Let me see you work up on it

Don‘t stop, get it, get it

Don't stop

Hey

I interpret this as DD's words of encouragement to GG. Like don't stop fighting, continue to work hard towards your (our) goals. Go for it, you can do it!

在我的世界 (In my world)

本能很关键 (Instinct is the key)

坚持自己 (Stay true to yourself)

就是你们的世界 (It is your world)

DD's parting words to fans: to stay true to oneself, to build and enrich your own worlds, to fight for your goals, like how he is trying.

Well, I had fun working on this. Maybe I'll do Wu Gan another time. Reminded me of literature class during my schooling days, although I never did Chinese literature back then. Feel free to share your thoughts on the song with me. =D

[rkmuse]

Kristen played Jean Seberg, an actress who the FBI and the media spread lies about. The media has also spread lies about Kristen Stewart so she knows all about that. She’s learned how to navigate through the BS unaffiliated with a job she loves. 

Kristen is a 22 year veteran actress of the film industry at age 31. She’s smart. She knows herself. And...she knows the Hollywood game of which the tabloids are a part. She has said many times, The tabloids decide what character they are going to portray you as. Kristen and Rob found out what it would be like as a celebrity couple in the film industry. The tabloids put them through hell chasing them through five Twilight movies. The paparazzi have restraints now compare to none during 5 Twilight movies. They actually have some restrictions now but in 2008 it was an invasion of the paparazzi. Kristen and Rob struggled to keep their private life private, but the tabloid invasion made that impossible. The tabloids were always portraying them the way they wanted them to be. If they couldn’t exploit their relationship, they were going to assign a story to them them that they could exploit. After Kristen and Rob decided NOT to have their personal life a tabloid storyline ,and after a public separation. The tabloids made their own story of who they were and what they were doing. Rob was assigned to a controversial relationship with a singer, Kristen was regularly seen  in her coffee walks with her girlfriends. The tabloids began speculating about Kristen’s sexuality. This continued through a progression of walks with different friends. The tabloids always intimating who the current friend was that Kristen was spending time with. They rumored (along with rabid fans who wanted Kristen with anyone but Rob, and promoted the rumor that she was gay) I remember she first addressed it early on, after tons of tabloid stories that she must be gay based on her walks with only her girlfriends, and while being constantly stalked by the paparazzi. She actually made a statement in Stir Magazine that basically said, “I’m not gay, but if I were, I’d be the first to admit it.” It was ignored and the rumors of her being gay became daily fodder. In essence, the tabloids decided how they were going to portray her and what her storyline would be. Kristen understood that early on and she has acclimated herself to that role ever since. She was always a gay advocate. I could see her saying OK...if I can be the one to add support to gay rights which are so important to me, than so be it. She began refusing to define her sexuality which is a right that everyone has. In doing so....she felt she was doing something important to further support the gay community and her friends who are gay.

Times weren’t always easier navigating a public life and a private life. 

Bottom line is Rob and Kristen would never talk about their REAL private lives which has zero to do with the tabloids. The tabloids have been speculating about what “their relationship” really is for over a decade now. All the tabloids get is that their relationship is good after all these years. Kristen has teased the tabloids by supporting Rob as “The Batman”. That’s always worth a good article. The tabloids put Rob in relationships if he’s seen with one particular person more than once, and he plays that role for them because while they’re saying one thing about him, he’s doing another which is called living his private life. Rob and Kristen now choose what the tabloids are going to write based on their public persona. Privately? The tabloids have no clue because they refuse to talk about their private life. That doesn’t stop the tabloids, but the difference is that they have gained control of their private lives.

He calls the shots now. 

Bill Condon witnessed Rob and Kristen’s relationship before they decided if they wanted a personal life together, it had to be PRIVATE and untouchable publicly. They figured it out and they have what they wanted. Why would they let the tabloids have privy to it now? They’re fans just want to see a happy ending. There doesn’t need to be public announcement. They’ve put enough out there for their fans to see “they’re fine” “Life is good,”   They could easily write a prototype of... “How to have a private life in Hollywood”. That’s what I see as the true ending to their story. They had no role model to follow when they were going through tabloid/paparazzi terror. I see them doing that as a couple who figured out how to win in an impossible situation. Would people believe it? They might if you just happen to have living proof.

[arigatouiris]

an inconvenient crush // kenma kozume x reader (1/2)

Author’s Note: A new story?? SO SOON?? Thank you for all the love for my previous Kuroo story, it meant the world to me. I write for myself primarily, yes, but it brings me SO MUCH JOY to know that my words reach you. It helps with the motivation to put them out more often. Thank you. This story is very close to my heart because I’m a gamer, although I don’t stream. I’m more like Kenma though, personality wise. Haha.

Word count: 5k+

Pairing: YouTuber! Kenma Kozume x Streamer! Reader

Summary: YouTuber Kozume Kenma has had the biggest crush on Twitch Streamer, (s/n) (y/n), who in actuality simps heavily after Kenma's secret YouTube persona, puddinghead0.

What happens when their paths cross?

Kuroo is honestly tired of Kenma's second-guessing, and (y/n) is a bit of a crackhead.

Warnings: unrequited love, one-sided crush, slight angst, pining, crackhead reader, internet bullying, slang, gaming references, haikyuu manga spoilers, fluff

C h a p t e r O n e : puddinghead0

Kozume Kenma suddenly turned existential when his eyes shifted to his phone screen for the 12th time in ten minutes.

Was he always doing this? Was he always obsessed with his phone to a point where he'd constantly check for notifications? Did this mean he was deeply lonely on the inside and wanted approval from people on a virtual platform, which meant that the approval was also virtual and none of it was real? Did it mean that he craved to nullify the growing void in his chest by distracting himself with a black mirror that showcased light that could permanently impair his sight?

He let out a breath and forced himself not to look at his phone. He didn't care. It didn't matter. That's what he always said.

    "Hey!" His classmate/room-mate screamed from the entrance to his flat, "Are you watching her stream? Posted two minutes ago!"

His phone was definitely slow. He had been checking his phone but there was no notification. Letting out a breath, and giving himself a mental reason to actually check his phone, Kenma opened the notifications tab to see the one notification he had kept his eye out for had been buried under ridiculous facebook notifs.

An inconvenient crush, that's what he told himself whenever he looked at you. You were a streamer, a bit different from what he did on YouTube because you were primarily on Twitch. There were reaction videos of you on YouTube, which was where he found you, but damn—how could one be pretty while rage-quitting a game? It was abnormal. Nothing about you was normal; college student/Twitch streamer, an apparent baker in your mother's bakery, game reviewer for Sony, and you were insanely cute.

    "She's getting to that part," his roommate commented from behind Kenma's back, while Kenma really just wanted to watch the video in peace, "Shit, she's gonna cry."

You did cry, quite a few times, and too easily if he could add. You cried at the ending of God of War, you cried to The Last of Us (which made sense, but you were perhaps just bawling throughout the entire game), you cried in a game called Detroit: Become Human, you cried far too easily, but you never really quit. He loved how passionate you were about games, and it was the sort of passion he could completely understand.

    "Oh shit," You said in the video, your eyes scanning all over the game screen, "What's happening? What's happening?"

Kenma chuckled at how cute you were, god, you were killing him. You looked worried, and he could visibly see a sweat drop on your forehead, but you were so focused that it didn't matter. Suddenly, there was a screaming sound from the game you were playing, and your eyes popped open as wide as they possibly could and you just sat there, unmoving. He loved how you never squealed or made any loud reactions, except when you were in a fight with a difficult boss, but whenever something traumatic happened, you just froze and sunk it all in. You were currently playing the second part of The Last of Us, and a traumatic scene was definitely happening. Kenma had just finished playing it the night before, so every scene you were playing was familiar.

    "I officially hate this game," You said, your voice breaking and he desperately wanted to hold you, "Fucking hell."

    "God, she's amazing." Kenma's roommate said, eyes turning into literal hearts.

    "Hm." Yeah, she is, Kenma thought, but could never really say.

As a YouTuber himself who streams games, he was aware that you were not as popular, and it was a fact that he really didn't like. Sure, you were on a less popular platform, but Twitch was incredibly popular by itself as well. He also understood the bias that came with being a female gamer, and while it sounded ridiculous to him, Kenma was one of those people who believed gaming required no gender.

He adored your content, and he secretly adored the hell out of you, so seeing you soar would only make him happy.

    "I... I can practically feel what pain she's feeling right now," You spoke about the game, a lone tear threatening to leak out of your eye, "But! We shall persevere. I've been waiting 7 years for this game, so I won't let... won't let something like this halt my interest. Let's see if this has a point to it all."

God, he adored you. But, Kenma considered it an inconvenient crush because of course, the world was small. The first big crush he has on someone and he hoped it would remain over the internet, but it just had to become something more tangible, something that could make him weak in the knees.

You, a college student/Twitch streamer, an apparent baker in your mother's bakery, a game reviewer for Sony, insanely cute, and also happened to be one of his YouTube channel's biggest fans.

He had only recently discovered your personal twitter handle, and dear lord, you were simping after him with no remorse. It wasn't as if he was all you talked about, but he had also noticed the trajectory of the games you were playing were on par with his own timeline. Kenma had finished his final stream for The Last of Us II just the night before and you had now started playing it. Right before that, it was Bloodborne, and before that, it was Final Fantasy VII Remake. However, your public handle was a lot more professional and despite knowing that it was there, he hadn't sent you a follow request because well, Kenma called himself an introvert in every matter but Kuroo just said he was shy.

While he knew that he could easily approach you and have you know he knew of your existence, Kenma preferred not to get into such detail. It was comfortable admiring you from afar, and it was comfortable being where he was—he had his company to work hard over, he was also a computer student and a YouTuber. Sure, he had his hands full especially after calling you abnormal for something that he himself was doing, but he never really fit into a bracket anyway. Kenma's latent obsession with you was something he wasn't particularly proud of and this wasn't because it had anything to do with you, but simply because he didn't want to make a big deal out of it. Change, in many ways, scared him. And by changing the structure or dynamics of him admiring you in secret, while you admired him not so secretly, Kenma was certain that it might not lead where he may have wanted it to go.

Surely, Kuroo was against this sort of caution, calling it cowardly and saying it lacked passion; but Kenma knew it was just a crush. There was no way he could deduce the kind of person you were based on how you gamed or reacted to games, based on the little tid-bits of information you gave out while playing those games, or even how you openly spoke about how much you admired 'puddinghead0's videos. Kenma hated Kuroo for giving him that name, but he was too lazy to come up with a new one.

    "Also," You sprung up in the final two minutes of your latest video, "I'm on Patreon, now! I honestly have no idea how it works, but if you really like the content I make and want to support me, you can become a patron and wish me luck!"

Kenma waited for his stupid roommate to go out of his room before he could open Patreon and find your link, which was thankfully in the description. Without a second thought, he donated to your profile but cussed instantly when he realized what he had done.

He had sent you a donation as himself, as 'puddinghead0's Patreon.

Without a second thought, Kenma called Kuroo and explained what had happened.

    "That is why, Kenma, you need to check a thousand times and not let blind love navigate your actions—"

    "If I knew you were going to spout such nonsense I wouldn't have called you."

He could hear Kuroo snicker while he ran a hand through his hair. Kenma groaned before Kuroo said, "How bad is this, Kenma? She'll be happy. Of course, this means she'll know you watch her content, but how bad can this be?"

    "I didn't want her to know."

    "And leave her devoid of the happiness of having her idol appreciate her content? You're cold, Kenma."

    "You don't understand. What if... What if she tries to contact me?"

    "You, my friend, have not even shared your personal account anywhere. The only way she can contact you is by commenting on your videos, which I am sure you check constantly to see if she did comment, or Tweeting, which she does every three days."

Kenma blushed at the accusation because it was true.

    "She won't know who you are. Besides, there's no harm if she even does contact you! Just tell her casually that yeah, you like her contact. I don't see what the big deal is."

    "Of course you don't—"

    "Oh, she's tweeted something."

Kenma's entire body froze. Leaving Kuroo on the call, Kenma opened Twitter on his laptop and there it was, your latest tweet.

I am trying NOT to freak out over puddinghead sending me a donation on Patreon, pls save my soul, I am dead.

Kenma groaned before hearing Kuroo laugh once more, "She's adorable!"

I know that, Kenma thought before feeling his entire face flash up. Ending Kuroo's call, Kenma looked at your public profile before then moving to your personal one. He wasn't following that one either, but he wanted to see your tweets, he wanted to know more about you—he wouldn't deny any of these facts, but Kenma believed it was far too idiotic to dream of getting to know you through a virtual media. He wasn't even the sort of person to become close to people he met in real life, how could he allow himself a virtual friendship?

The thought staggered him, and the idea behind it was what kept him at bay. Kenma wanted to know about you, talk to you, learn about who you were and what you were doing, but he felt the media that connected you was what separated you.

It wasn't cowardice at all if he was just sticking to the facts and being real.

*

The next day, Kenma walked to his class by himself, listening to the latest podcast by Joe Rogan. While the external sound wasn't entirely muted, Kenma could discern sounds of people talking, cars moving around, and other noises even though he was playing the podcast on full sound. However, there was one sound in particular that stood out. Kenma paused before turning to his right, noticing a crowd of people had gathered there, with some sort of event going on. He didn't pay attention to half the events that his college conducted, his mind was obviously quite busy elsewhere, but when the announcer moved around in a weird Joker cosplaying outfit, Kenma was a tad bit intrigued.

Was it gaming related?

He slowly moved toward the crowd before finally being able to hear what the anchor was saying.

    "We've got prizes for the top three best performers, and one of the participants is the one and only (s/n) (y/n), streamer from Twitch!"

Kenma froze, half-minded to run the hell away from there. But, it seemed as if his feet were stuck to the ground. How had he not known this? Didn't you always announce the events you go to? Why were you suddenly here? A second later, he spotted you, hair put up in an updo, a plain black tee, and regular jeans. You were smiling, but some part of that smile seemed a bit hesitant.

    "We will be playing a bit differently today! Instead of the usual Fortnite battles or Apex Legends, we'll be going went and battling out on Red Dead Online! And of course, if you beat (y/n) here you earn bragging rights!"

He noticed you shift in your position a little bit, clearly uncomfortable with the attention you were getting; it didn't even look like you wanted to be there. Kenma could feel his chest hurt, and his palms were sweating now. That's all it is, he told himself. An inconvenient crush, an inconvenient crush, that's all.

Kenma sighed before noticing how he barely knew anyone there and was almost thankful for that fact; but before he could thank his stars, a hand threw itself around his neck and sprung him forward, earning the attention of not just everyone there, but especially you.

    "We have our first participant," It was his goddamn roommate, "Kenma's a brilliant gamer!"

Kenma's eyes immediately found yours, and you were looking at him with wide, confused eyes. Although this was set in the open and the atmosphere was quite cold, Kenma felt nothing but warmth radiating all over his body at the mere sight of you; you were just a few feet away, and you were giving him a rather sympathetic expression, and god, you looked so fucking pretty—

    "That's great! Sign up, ya'll! Winner will be winning a brand new DualShock 4!"

Oh fuck, Kenma thought before he felt his heart beginning to pound. He was now seated beside you, and he could practically shrink into non-existence. You were unmoving, and you weren't looking at him, but would you have looked at him if you knew he was puddinghead? Insecurity swarmed his being and he could practically feel steam escaping his ears but a moment later, he thought he'd die.

    "This was so last minute," you said, rubbing the back of your neck, "The anchor's my cousin and she's so demanding."

    "Oh," Kenma said, feeling his heartbeat skyrocket, "I see."

    "Yeah! I mean," You giggled now, "I'm not even good at Red Dead Online!"

Kenma smirked, knowing the fact already. You struggled with Red Dead Redemption not because you were bad, but because you couldn't progress with a plot so divisive. You wanted to explore more, and since the game was so vast, you barely bothered with the Online version. You turned to him now and tilted your head.

    "You're a gamer, I heard? Kozume-kun, right?"

Fuck, she knows my name, "Y-Yeah. I game when I'm free."

    "Do you have a Twitch or YouTube?"

There's no fucking way I'll answer that, "No—"

    "Ah, you must really be having a great time then."

Kenma blinked before turning to you with confusion. What did you mean?

    "Don't you enjoy streaming?"

    "Ah, no, no," You flailed your hands shyly, and Kenma believed he could combust, "It's not like that. I just think, after a point, streaming becomes more for the fans than for yourself. I used to do it for me, but now... I'm needed in places like this for promotion, and I need to have a Patreon if I'm popular or it'll look weird, I don't know... Too many restrictions. I just love gaming, you know?"

Kenma found himself smiling, "Yeah, I know. I've seen your videos."

    "Oh?"

Kenma's eyes widened. He wanted to slap himself on his forehead.

    "I—I mean, y-you're popular."

    "Thanks! You're really sweet, Kozume-kun!"

Fucking hell, Kenma placed a hand on his forehead, She's too cute.

    "Say," you said, a sly tone to your voice, "Do you want to get out of here?"

    "I'd do anything." Kenma honestly agreed.

But, you couldn't just up and leave. You were called here as Twitch streamer (s/n) (y/n), and that meant your behavior was restricted. As much as you seemed to hate said restriction, Kenma was certain that you wouldn't go against it. It could take a big blow against your viewership, and you wouldn't take that chance.

A second later, your hand gripped his wrist before you shot him a wink. Kenma's heart jumped to the skies before you pulled him away from the crowd, with participants lining the entrance to enter their names. Sure, you were doing something bad—your cousin wanted you there, but not once had she even asked if you wanted to be a part of this event. Just as Kenma was pulled in without his consent. You weren't a competitive gamer, and you were not going to be, even if it was for someone else. After running away a fair distance, Kenma felt the part of his wrist burn right where you were touching him.

    "I think I need to run more in real life and not just as Ellie." You said, and Kenma chuckled.

    "Running's good."

    "I used to run track," You said, turning to him. "Now I run in games and that's it."

You have no right being that cute, he thought before clearing his throat. He slowly pulled away from you, which made your eyes widen before shooting him an apologetic smile. He was a bit confused as to what you had done, did this mean you didn't care about losing followers?

    "You might think that I've committed career suicide," You scoffed, "Honestly, this is the bravest I've been in so long."

    "What do you mean?"

You shrugged, "Ever since I became a bit popular by streaming, I've just... I could feel myself change with the way my viewers wanted me to be? I don't blame them or anything, I just think that the love I get from them makes me yearn for more. And that yearning leaves me... inept to be myself. It's the downside of wanting to remain popular, I guess."

    "It's not like you can't be yourself and still be popular." Kenma added.

    "Yeah I know," You said, "I mean, just look at puddinghead0, we don't even know what he looks like, and wow. I adore his content."

Kenma froze once more. Was this being recorded? Did Kuroo finally tip you off and was this being filmed for his reaction? Whatever it was, he wasn't going to reveal to you now.

    "Y-Yeah, I think he just doesn't care."

    "I wish I was more like that because I end up caring. I like the comments and the views and the love. Agh, it's such a weird complex moral question. Don't even get me started."

Kenma laughed at your reaction before you turned to him and stuck a tongue out. Kenma rolled his eyes before waving a hand at you.

    "If anything," Kenma said, looking at the ground, "You didn't lose this follower today."

Your eyes widened at his statement. You smiled before nodding, and let out a chuckle.

    "Thank you, Kozume-kun."

*

Locking the door to his room, Kenma began to edit for his latest video. He was making a review for The Last of Us 2, but his mind was elsewhere. He still hadn't told Kuroo that he had met you, which would only cause the black-haired man to tease him relentlessly. Letting out a sigh, he felt sleep douse his eyelids as he continued the edit, right before a notification popped up on his phone.

It was you.

He narrowed his eyes before checking the date and time; it was unusual for you to stream live on random days. He'd learned your pattern by now. You'd been doing this for a couple of months, and it was quite easy for him to know just when and what time you'd begin. However, the screen for The Last of Us 2 was open and you looked like you had just stopped crying. His heart broke at the sight, and he instantly closed the tabs to his own edit, before opening your video on his monitor. You were taking deep breaths before chuckling.

    "Hello to everyone that's still with me," You sounded so broken, Kenma felt helpless as he continued staring at you, "You might be wondering why I'm... yeah. So, I did something and I guess I got punished for it? I was forced into a game contest and I think walking out of it made some of my followers mad. I even spoke to this other person about walking out and honestly, it didn't hit me then that what puddinghead's doing takes a lot of courage."

    "Ah, fuck, (y/n)," Kenma groaned.

    "I guess even when I expected to lose followers, I didn't expect the hate? Some of the comments were just... nasty. I..." You sniffed, "...I didn't expect that you would hate on someone for making a personal choice? And I didn't do it to offend anyone, I seriously don't know how the internet works. Oh, oh wow—" You looked troubled and Kenma could see why. "—losing out on viewers now, great. 'Don't be a whiny bitch', 'This is why girls shouldn't game'..."

You took a deep breath before calming down and saying the few words Kenma feared you might eventually come around to say.

    "This is (y/n), signing off to a world where gaming is appreciated and is not filled with a community of hate. Hope to see you there."

And the stream ended.

Kenma sighed before leaning back, no thought in his head. He knew for a fact that his room-mate must have seen the stream as well, and Kuroo would be calling him about the entire ordeal just to ensure he had something to say about it. Kenma, on the other hand, felt like he had practically pushed you to make this decision and partly felt like taking the blame, despite the common sense telling him that he had nothing to do with it. You weren't the sort of person who would jump at something without a second thought, and even if he didn't know you personally, he had been following you and your streams for months now. It felt like he knew that part of you quite well.

Kuroo was the first to call. Kenma stared at the phone for a bit before letting out a breath and getting back to editing his video. He only had to add commentary, and his mind was already circling on what to say.

Uploading the video took him exactly two more hours, after having missed three calls from Kuroo and twelve messages. At one point, Kuroo had even stopped contacting Kenma, thinking he was busy with something, and he was spot on. Kuroo's eyes wandered on the new notification about his friend's YouTube channel, which was weird considering it was not yet time for him to post something. He knew quite well that Kenma might have definitely seen (y/n)'s stream, and wanted to desperately talk to him about it, but without a clue of what the boy was thinking, Kuroo simply clicked on the notification and let the video play out.

It was the review for the game, The Last of Us 2, and Kuroo knew while giving the review, which was around 8-9 minutes, Kenma would speak his thoughts that were a tad bit uncensored toward the end. He'd talk about the drama surrounding the game, he would even bring up the entire hate that this game was receiving, but instead—Kenma had a rather strange dialogue instead.

    "One thing I don't understand is how toxic the gaming community can be, at times," Kuroo paused, narrowing his eyes at his friend's words, "While we welcome new gamers to the entire journey of learning and discovering the joy of gaming, we also tend to put them down if they didn't adhere to a certain trend. I came across one such incident happening to (s/n) (y/n)'s Twitch channel."

    "Holy shit!" Kuroo sat up straight, eyes wide as saucers at the bold move his friend made.

    "I'm part of this community and I think I have the right to call out how toxic we are in general," 

Kenma's voice didn't even waver, but after knowing him his entire life, Kuroo could deduce that the boy was a bit angry, 

"(y/n) didn't particularly do anything wrong, and she's received some nasty comments about being a female gamer, and I think that's...just disgusting. She has all the right to either attend or ditch a gaming event, and no one has to be forced to do something they don't want to do. We all have games we don't like despite being gamers, we don't have to do it all. I support (y/n), and I'll admit, I'm saddened by how her fans have treated her. Her content is great and I have immense respect for her. I hope she decides to come back and stream more. That being said, I think The Last of Us 2 is..."

As he got around to talk more about the game, Kuroo knew that this was a huge step for Kenma, and he had no idea what suddenly made the boy rethink his entire decision on never bringing her up. Now that he had, he's indirectly initiated a conversation with her, she'd definitely try and reach out now—in any way she possibly could, just to thank him at least.

Kuroo noticed his phone ringing a second later and a grin made its way to his lips.

    "What just happened?"

    "I met her, Kuroo," Kuroo almost had the wind knocked out of him, "She was at my college campus. I was walking back to my room since classes were canceled. There was some sort of gaming event. She didn't want to be a part of it, and neither did I, and we ditched. It was—"

    "You like her more now, don't you?"

When Kuroo received nothing more than silence from Kenma's end, he was certain. His precious, introverted, best boy had fallen for someone. It was a proud moment, almost.

    "You have to tell her—"

    "Kuroo, this... this is all I want to do."

    "That's bullshit, and even you know that."

    "What? You want me to open up to her and tell her I'm the YouTuber she's been gushing about for so long and I was the one who kind of pushed her into doing what she did, and so that she can hate me afterward for hiding the truth because I wouldn't be losing out on anything and she—"

    "Whoa there, Kenma. I'm just saying go talk to her as her favorite YouTuber. You're overthinking this."

    "No, you're underthinking this. I did what I had to do. It was... hard to see her like that."

Kuroo let out a sigh but before he could say anything, Kenma had already ended the call. That boy needs to grow a pair, he thought, a bit annoyed at Kenma's nature of avoiding his feelings. While Kenma believed it was for the best, he knew he was simply running away from it. Kuroo knew his friend adored (y/n), but the boy couldn't categorize that as real feelings because he's met her just once. Finding something real virtually scared him more than finding something real in real life, and while Kuroo wanted to understand that, it only annoyed him because Kenma wasn't even trying.

When you watched puddinghead0's recent video, you were jaw-dropped in awe and absolute admiration. Tears filled your eyes, but what was more was how his voice now seemed a tad bit familiar, though you didn't pay any heed to it since you've been following this channel for an entire year now. It moved you to know someone you've been admiring has been watching your content, but at the same time, he was speaking up for you? You wanted to thank him, you wanted to send him a message and say you were incredibly grateful for what he's done and the only way you knew you could say something was on Twitter.

So you mentioned him on a tweet and poured your heart out within character limit. You wondered if he would notice your tweet since you've mentioned him countless times before, but even if he didn't, even if he paid you no heed after all of this, you were still grateful. However, a second later, you received a new follower. You blinked upon noticing that it was Kozume-kun from the other day. A soft smile fell on your lips at the soft recollection of running away from a gaming event, after which everything spiraled, but you didn't in any way blame him. Your mind again drifted back to puddinghead0 and you sighed.

I'd kill to see him, man, you thought, eyeing your tweet of him dreamily.

A second later, there was a notification. You almost spat out your heart at the mere words: puddinghead0 likes your tweet.

puddinghead0 likes your tweet.

puddinghead0 likes your tweet.

    "Oh my god—" You choked on air. However, a second later, you found it difficult to remain sitting on your bed.

Don't thank me, I hope you're feeling better. You didn't deserve any of that.

Is that a—

...deserve any of that. <3

Fuck me.

Kenma almost dozed off in class right before it ended. It wasn't like it was school where the teacher would wake him up after noticing him asleep, no one really bothered. Kenma was pushed awake by the momentum of the class once it was over and he leaned back before gathering his things. Tightening his hair tie, he casually walked out of class and got to the campus. He spotted the event area, where the gaming event had occurred and instantly spotted his room-mate and a bunch of people gathered there. Rolling his eyes, he walked away from there, not wanting to gather any attention.

    "Kenma!"

He had failed. Kenma froze to his spot before turning to spot his room-mate dashing over to him, a wide grin plastered on his features. Wrapping a hand over Kenma's shoulders, his roommate brought him to the others he was talking to, before releasing him.

    "You're that guy (y/n) ran away with during that event, right?" One of them asked, and Kenma didn't bother to respond.

    "Why did she run though? I mean, it doesn't make sense for her to just up and leave."

    "I've been telling you," The same guy said, "She's not the one playing those games. She's just the face."

Kenma frowned. What is this dick talking about?

    "Man, I think that's harsh," His roommate said, "I just think she's too chicken to play in front of people—"

    "She's literally a streamer." Kenma said, rolling his eyes.

    "Yeah, but why did she—"

    "If you can't understand that she doesn't owe you shit, then there's no helping it. She didn't want to play at that event, and she didn't. I don't see why you aren't calling me a fake gamer for running too." Kenma snapped.

The others shrugged, "That's because we've seen you play—"

    "It's bullshit." Kenma said before walking away. You all are bullshit, he thought before the frown on his face settled into an uncharacteristic glare, directed at what who knows what.

A moment later, he felt his phone buzz with a notification. Kenma opened his phone and saw that he had a message from you, but what confused him was—

The message was directed to Kenma and not puddinghead. His heart jumped as his fingers roamed over the notification, wanting to open it only when he was in the comfortable confines of his room. Swallowing the bubbling anxiety, Kenma fought the urge to smile as he continued walking back, unaware of what the Twitter message could be. It would normally take him around 12 minutes to get to his apartment from campus, but that day, Kenma merely took 7.

On reaching his room, he finally allowed himself to open your message.

(y/n): Hey! I've taken a break from streaming for now, just wanted to let you know. I don't know why I'm sending you this message, but talking to you that day made me realize that I don't really need to seek approval constantly. Also, puddinghead liked my tweet and I'm a bit too happy so I needed to gush, don't @ me

Kenma chuckled, feeling his heart jump at every word you'd said. He knew you didn't realize that you were gushing about him to him, but that didn't matter. He wanted to gush about you too. He felt a stone stuck at his throat at how real all of this felt, despite having only seen you once.

Kenma Kozume: I think he's the sort of guy who isn't too loud about the things he likes. And I think a break is a good idea, (s/n).

(y/n): Call me (y/n), came the immediate response. Kenma's eyes widened at the fact that you were online, and that the two of you were currently exchanging messages live.

(y/n): Yeah, I got the feeling from his videos that he's perhaps a private person. I'm still really glad that he supported me, I can't thank him enough. I'm feeling much better already!

Kenma smiled, I'm glad that you are.

(y/n): Also

He blinked.

(y/n): Do you want to co-op at Bloodborne? I'm trying to get a platinum, haha.

    "Fuck," He let out a breath before chuckling uncharacteristically. "You can't be serious."

(y/n): I'll send you my PSN, and you can add me as a party member. Only if you're up to it, I mean.

Kenma Kozume: Sure, sounds like fun. Also

Kenma gulped. He felt like this was showing off, but he didn't care. He was going to say it.

Kenma Kozume: I already have platinum in Bloodborne. :)

(y/n): Ah, screw you.

Kenma chuckled. He wouldn't admit it, but his heart was hammering against his chest and his palms were sweating. Soon, he'd be connected to you via the DualShock and the two of you would be co-oping in a game that was designed to make players fail. He wasn't too sure how much more his heart was going to take, and while he knew he had to tell someone, for some reason, Kenma wanted to keep this a secret. It wasn't because he was ashamed or he didn't want anyone to find out.

It was simply because it was too good to be true, and he didn't want to lose out on a chance to get to know you more. Because, if this kept up...

If this kept up, Kenma was surely going to fall in love with you.

[shadow-scenarios]

Hiiii it's me againnn~ so I just thought of something. What if the PT boys have an S/O who is a phantom thief or just a persona user in general but for some reason they lose their persona and end up manifesting a Palace? :33

Hey, simulationone !! Hope you’re doing well. :)

This was a really interesting request to write, I really enjoyed it!!

{ Once again, I wrote too much for Akechi because I was interested in how it would turn out. Hey, at least it’ll satiate the stans. }

- Nexus.

Joker { Akira Kurusu }

✧ As the leader of the Phantom Thieves, Akira became increasingly concerned as his significant other said they felt as though they were going to collapse in Mementos. They had been on the back lines the entire time so there was no chance that they should be injured by anything but he decides to leave at the next Break Room because the others were tired as well.

✧ Something seemed to be different about their appearance but he could not quite pinpoint it. Perhaps they were tired? His mind was all too muddled to properly come to a conclusion & Morgana was telling him to head to bed.

✧ When the next meeting was called & they had not turned up, it was quite suspicious. His significant other was never one to miss a meeting, even if it was just to talk about information or plot. Pulling out his phone, he texted them but received no response for the entire afternoon.

✧ Disgruntled at the lack of response, he went to school the next day to confront them. Finding out they had not attended school today, he was worried even more than before. Could they be ill? Is that why they felt faint in Mementos?

✧ He never suspects that they would gain a Palace until someone else types their name into the Metaverse Navigator & tells him. As soon as he finds out, he wastes no time at all in infiltrating the Palace with the other Phantom Thieves.

✧ The whole time, he is quieter than usual & only speaks to give out orders to the others or to summon his Personas. In truth, he is reflecting & looking back at his interactions with them to see if there was anything he could have done to stop their Palace from developing.

✧ Once the time comes to send the Calling Card, he personally delivers it. No matter their response, Akira is determined to fix something he could have just as easily prevented. This is the one time that he feels a bad taste in his mouth from beating a Shadow.

✧ Immediately afterwards, he finds them & apologises for not being good enough. In the end whilst everything is fixed, Akira looks out more often for them. They are the most important thing in his life, after all.

Skull { Ryuji Sakamoto }

✧ Another mission in Mementos, another day. Dispatching of Shadows was easy for Skull as long as he had both his friends & his significant other. The next particular request was rather personal to them. So when Joker requested them on the front lines & their Phantom Thief outfit disintegrated into flames, something was wrong. Why had they lost their will to rebel?

✧ Everyone was concerned but they brushed it off, saying that someone else should just take their place. So Joker requested that he be put up in the front, which he wanted to badly to protest against but he could not find the words to do so, especially against his leader.

✧ With the Shadow dispatched of, Ryuji thought that they would return back to normal but they did not. Because Mementos was inherently dangerous, a decision to leave was made.

✧ Perhaps distorted by feeling useless to the rest of the Phantom Thieves, they eventually developed a Palace. Although he still hung out with them, their self-deprecating behaviour was concerning.

✧ It was all too similar to Futaba. The behaviour, how trapped they felt. At times, Ryuji was not the most intellectual of people but even he could connect the dots & type their name into the Metaverse Navigator. With some reluctance, he accepted that this was something the Phantom Thieves would have to tackle together.

✧ Throughout the Palace, he insists on being in the front lines as much as possible. Breaks become shorter & he feels more impatient. The others eventually have to force him to relax, they are working on the problem but in order to be safe, they had to regain energy.

✧ Once the Calling Card is delivered & they take the Treasure, Ryuji waits. He knows that most of the other victims of a Palace needed time to come to term with their thoughts & the others reminded him that patience is the key. Whenever they decide to start appearing in public again, he pulls them into a kiss & vows not to let anything bad happen to them ever again.

Fox { Yusuke Kitagawa }

✧ Shock is his first reaction when the other Phantom Theives inform him that his significant other had a Palace. Previously, Yusuke knew that they were a Persona user but they refused to join the group, opting to become their own vigilante of justice.

✧ Typing their name in, he has to confirm it for himself. Once he sees the actual Palace, only then does he properly believe that anything had happened to them. He strengthens his resolve but asks to remain on the back lines. Knowing full well that he is open to moments of emotion, Fox does not want to be in the way when there is a life threatening situation going down.

✧ Although he could not bare to fight against their Shadow self, he repeatedly insists on writing the Calling Card himself. It is incredibly well written, if not slightly melodramatic. However, it still has the intended effect.

✧ Giving them space is a ghastly thought, especially when who knows what they have been through in order to manifest a Palace? He immediately finds his way over to their house —even if he has to walk two miles— with comfort food.

✧ Ever so gently, Yusuke pulls them into a cuddle & asks if there is anything he can do to make them feel better. Despite the fact he has no money, pampering them emotionally is something he can do quite easily.

Crow { Goro Akechi }

✧ Encountering his significant other in the Metaverse had been a surprise to be sure & he had almost resigned himself to eliminating them but when they had told him that they were not interested in justice or Palaces & that they instead merely wanted to gather both materials from Mementos as well as flowers for Jose, he sighed in relief.

✧ Although it meant that he was forced to wear his Detective Prince outfit whenever he went to Mementos, it was easy to trick them whenever he saw them on the surface level talking to Jose. Besides, it was easy to switch between Personas.

✧ So when they stopped coming, he was concerned. They had been cancelling dates for a long while, which had never happened before & everything seemed so tense around them. It was strange.

✧ Weeks later, Akechi became sick of his behaviour & typed their name into the Metaverse Navigator. His heart went cold when a Palace of all things came up.

✧ Everything went on hold as he tried to figure out the location & distortion. Anything goes from texting them, to directly asking why they had been acting strange. From the terminology used, he eventually figures it out & heads to the Metaverse for the first time with the intent not to kill someone. He tears through the entire Palace in a day. No Shadow is left alive that tries to stop his approach. When he reaches the Treasure room he comes to a realisation: How can he force the Treasure to manifest?

✧ There was one solution & he hated to do so but eventually he decided to take up the name of the Phantom Thieves & cobbled together a calling card in their style. It was the same eloquent & extra writing along side their glitzy logo, so looked believable.

✧ Facetious was an accurate word to describe their reaction when he stated that this Calling Card was found in the mail & this reflected on their Shadow self. After defeating what was left of their cognition, Akechi took the Treasure, fleeing from the quickly fading Palace.

✧ When he next ran into them, things were much different. They apologised for being both physically & emotionally distant but he reassured them with a hug that there was no harm done. After all, he missed some dates himself.

Word Count: 1.3k

Publish Date: 13.10.20

[lemonsandstrawberries]

Hashtag: RelationshipGoals

fandom: Stony (Steve x Tony)

summary: Steve is being forced into getting a Twitter accounts and logs into Tony’s for inspiration - one mistake later, he finds more than he asked for. Meaning, his boyfriend has a tickle kink and Steve has a lot of thinking to do. 

length: 5 468

a/n: Happy Friday 13th! *throws confetti* To celebrate I am posting a fic that contains one of the biggest fears for people with tickle kink - someone finding out when you are not ready to tell them. It has a happy ending, promise! Hope you all will enjoy this fic, feedback, reblogs and likes are appreciated and needed! fic inspired by this prompt. 

—————

Hashtag: RelationshipGoals

Long story short - Steve was getting a Twitter account.

Long story long...

It all started with a certain PR meeting held for the Avengers team, just this time, it was Steve vs the whole PR team. The problem was simple - Steve didn't like social media and didn't have an account on any of the numerous websites and apps. Fighting with aliens, planning new missions, schooling SHIELD agents - those were the zones he felt comfortable in. Some thought that the hidden reason behind the hostility towards social media was, that Steve, born in the 1920s, had a problem with using modern technology. Some called it endearing, some pathetic, the truth was, that Steve fairly quickly mastered each piece of technology he was given, skillfully using any given device. After all, he wasn't dense. Many apps were quite useful, some just plain entertaining, and it required a lot of navigating, but he managed to find some favorites. Just when it came to social media… Steve didn't feel like sharing his private life with unknown faces. Call him old-fashioned, but he liked having direct contact with people and as much as he liked to take a stop during his random walks in the city to talk with people who called themselves his fans, it quickly became too overwhelming. He wasn't good at such things and always thought he was too awkward and not what people expected. Steve didn't like that kind of pressure and didn't like the almost weekly notices from the PR team that he needed to make himself more 'accessible'. By no means, he was expected to stop and talk to everyone who ever called him or share mission details with strangers, but he needed to create a more public persona for Captain America and Steve Rogers.

Hence, Steve was encouraged to take a plunge into the world of social media. 

And he really, really, really didn't want to do that.

One - it was pretty tedious to keep up with everything. Tony eagerly showed him all social accounts he had - Twitter, Instagram, Facebook profile, Youtube, and it all just gave him a headache as Tony chattered which media was good for what and gladly showed him his own Instagram page (mostly workshop photos and meals Steve had prepared for him, which was kinda sweet) and if Steve became slightly interested in that, his interest dropped after hearing about filters and tags. Too much work. 

Second - he didn't have time to keep his theoretical accounts active and post new content regularly. Or more, he didn't want to make time, preferring to spend it on reading or training or hanging out with Tony or anything else, really. He had been gently suggested, that some celebrities (Steve's eyes widened a little after hearing that - was he a celebrity?) hire someone else to run their social media accounts. Steve shook his head at the proposition, knowing that none of his teammates did that and so he shouldn't either, not mentioning that everything posted wouldn't be sincere.

Third - Steve considered himself not an interesting person. He didn't have Tony's charisma, who, of course, had the biggest social media following ever, Thor's flair, which made his Youtube channel where he tasted food sent to him from all over the world by his viewers a huge success or Clint's humor, whose Internet activity limited to commenting on funny animal photos and home videos and people loved him. Even Bruce, seemingly even more awkward and distant when it came to dealing with a privacy-invading crowd, was doing great, kindling the interest of young kids in science with a series of easy to repeat experiments at home and railing about the importance of protecting and preserving the environment. Even Natasha didn't have a problem, her social media accounts full of useful self-defense tips for everyone who needed to feel safer. Steve just couldn't find anything in himself he would like to share with the world. He liked to keep his art private, his relationship private, and his whole life private. 

It should be the ending statement.

It wasn't.

And so Steve, feeling scolded, got back to his and Tony's shared floor, planning to hide, except that he was assigned a very simple task for the week.

Get a Twitter account.

Steve sat heavily on the couch, putting elbows on his knees and palms around his cheeks, definitely not pouting. Why on Earth did he need a Twitter account? Wasn't it enough that from time to time he appeared on Tony's account, being the supportive boyfriend, and allowing Tony share the photos of their date nights or even the short movies from Steve's training when Tony was proudly showing off Steve's impressive physique and using those damn filters and making small stars and glitter swirl around him. 

Speaking of Tony, he could use his boyfriend's advice... Steve checked his phone and knew that Tony was still stuck in a business meeting, and won't be back for an hour or so and as much as he wanted to not think about the Twitter issue it kept coming back to him. What was he supposed to write on Twitter? Something that wouldn't give too much about him, but would be safe and entertaining. He needed inspiration. Maybe a walk would clear his mind but as Steve was getting up, he noticed Tony's tablet laying at the edge of the coffee table. 

Well... Tony wouldn't mind if he took a peak, right? Granted, he never used Tony's tablet before without his boyfriend’s permission. It felt too personal and barging on privacy and it was almost a silent agreement between them that Steve won't touch Tony's electronic devices and Tony won't look through Steve's sketchbooks without prior agreement. But it was different, right? Tony's Twitter account was out there, for everyone, so it didn't matter if Steve would install the app on his phone and check the account, or go to the source and look through Tony's account. It might even help him to understand better how the app was working. 

Steve took the tablet and unlocked it, searching for the Twitter app. Letter T on a blue background. Steve pressed it and skimmed over the screen, looking at the design of the app. Huh, it looked very different from the account owner's point of view. He scrolled down the screen, seeing a lot of text, too much text because wasn't there a limit of signs per tweet? Further, into the app, Steve saw more of things he didn't recognize, didn't see any posts from other Avengers, instead of images and gifs and -

"Woah," Steve gaped, taking in what he was seeing. He quickly scrolled up, his face becoming heated, unsure what he just saw. For a minute, he turned the tablet in his hands, trying to decide if it really belonged to Tony and not someone else, but who else would have a hot red and gold cover, resembling the design of the Iron Man suit. It had to be Tony's tablet, which meant...

Those posts were Tony's. That account was Tony's. Tony had two Twitter accounts? Steve looked back, just now noticing that it wasn't Twitter after all. At the top of the screen on a background of dark blue in white letters was written Tumblr. Steve didn't hear of the app, it wasn't listed as one of the most popular ones for celebrities and that's probably why Tony used it for -

Steve wasn't exactly sure for what. For something secretive. Something he wanted to hide. Things he didn't admit even to Steve. 

Cautiously, Steve scrolled down again, trying to keep an open mind and be more cautious. He wasn't a prude, he knew that people had different kinks and it was completely normal. Heck, he and Tony had a very healthy sex and intimate life and the sight of Tony tied down for their playtime always made Steve's blood boil with lust and desire and they did indulge in some kinks, Steve current favorite one included spanking Tony's bouncy ass and watch it jiggle and the skin turn red. Tony had no problems with sharing his kinky fantasies and Steve was always willing to give it a go, sometimes proposing things on his own, like wax play, which wasn't only sexy but also artistic - Tony's body colored with drips of different colored wax was a beautiful sight. This... This was something different, Steve didn't think to consider. 

There were pictures, that without context seemed innocent, like an array of feathers on a pillow. Some were less subtle and showed a part of sucked in stomach, escaping from a coming closer feather duster. The gifs were the most intriguing - a tied up, blindfolded man, laughing and squirming, while a different man was...

Tickling him?

Steve's brow furrowed as he watched the gif, frame by frame. There was no doubt that it was tickling, fingers gliding over tied man's armpits and sides. Steve expected this to be a prelude, something more to follow, but it was all. Tickling was the main point. Steve blushed when he realized that if there were gifs, there had to be a video and who knew how long it was. How many minutes would it take to bring someone to the brink of hysterics, to make them crumble, but at the same time make it pleasurable? People were not forced into filming porn and following that principle, there were not forced into filming tickle kink videos.

And that being said... 

"Huh..." Steve mused out, bits of information falling into one picture. They never discussed it, but in the back of his head, Steve had this thought that Tony enjoyed being tickled, or at least didn't mind terribly. The way he squirmed between Steve's tickling hands but didn't try to run away. How he laughed and screamed for mercy whenever Steve targeted a sensitive spot and always seemed a bit disappointed when the tickling ended but masked it with a smile and complaints of being assaulted. Sometimes, Steve just felt provoked into tickling his boyfriend, like that one time, Tony had taken his sketchbook and hid away, refusing to say where he hid it and Steve had to tickle the information out of him until Tony was absolutely incoherent from laughter and breathless. 

That was cute. All those shared tickle moments were cute, but Steve never thought that they could be... hot. And intimate. He looked back at the gif, at the way the tickled man arched and bucked, but was not able to escape the ticklish strokes delivered over his skin. What if Tony was the one tied and spread in the chair and Steve was the one standing behind, dotting his fingertips over the bare torso, having that sense of power and control, enjoying the ticklish tremble of the bothered skin. It became a tempting image in his head. 

'Guuuuys, I don't know what to do.'

Steve's eyes caught on some text among the images and gifs. A separate post.

'I still can't tell my bf that I like being tickled. I just can't! There is this block in my head -'

Steve read the text, feeling that he might know the author. 

'I even did that thing you recommended with hiding his stuff away -'

Definitely knew the author. At the top of the post, he saw a name, probably the username and clicked on it. Blue background color, and image of feathers and the username in white bold font. The Spare Parts Man.

That was one major hint...

Steve scrolled down this page, seeing more text and images of people being tickled, some like, a gif that was of a zoomed in stomach, the belly button tickled by a tip of the feather, signed with a 'omg, goals', whatever that meant. Steve tried to search for the text he saw on the previous page, but couldn't find it anymore, instead saw more posts, where people seemed to be interacting with the author.

'Hi, SP! I was the one who sent you the asks with hiding your BF's stuff -'

'I am sure your BF will understand, from what you said, you are dating for a long time -'

'You still didn't tell him??? What are you waiting for, GO GO GO!'

Steve pursed his lips together, feeling upset that Tony was so willing to share with strangers, but not with him. This whole site seemed so secretive, and while Steve felt a bit betrayed, he started to think about things from Tony's perspective. Tickling wasn't a mainstream kink. Bondage, spanking, food play - all the things they had tried seemed to be more acceptable in the sex world while tickling... Some people enjoyed it, some hated it. Steve was somewhere in between. It could be a fun thing among loved ones, but could quickly become overwhelming and unbearable. Steve didn't think about it earlier, but he really liked tickling Tony. He loved the way his body twitched, the sound of his laughter, and the feeling of closeness and trust in the action. For Steve it was fun. For Tony, it had to run much deeper, forming stronger connections than it did for Steve. 

'I don't want to lose him. What if he thinks I am a freak?'

No, Steve would never think that. Tony was the great love of his life and Steve accepted him on every level. 

"Oh, babe..." Steve sighed softly, reading more posts, some screaming nervousness as Tony was pouring his heart out, feeling miserable with his inability to tell Steve the truth, some so heartwarming and oozing happiness when Tony was describing Steve's last tickle attacks and how incredibly good and completed it made Tony feel. 

That. Steve wanted to make Tony feel like that every day. Satiated and fulfilled and safe. 

No more secrets. 

Carried on the moment, Steve pressed on an icon with a pencil and began to write. 

***

Tony was bored. So, so bored. He caught a glimpse of Pepper sending him a scolding look and straightened up in his seat, pretending to pay attention. He just wanted to go back home and curl up next to Steve, feeling Steve's fingers stroking his hair and maybe, if he got lucky, Steve would rub his belly, using just enough pressure to make him smile and feel like melting. He started to smile at the thought and Pepper sent him a confused look. Uh oh. He better control himself. Tony grinned sheepishly at Pepper and set his face in a schooled, thoughtful look, trying to focus his attention on the meeting. Just half an hour more... It was all ending statements, so it was nothing bad if he decided to check his social media, right? Cautiously, Tony took out his phone and unlocked the screen, keeping the phone under the table. A new tasting video from Thor, with a package of sweets sent from the Netherlands. Tony made a mental note to drop later to Thor's floor and ask if he had any stroopwafels left to share because they were amazing with black coffee. Clint commenting on funny cats videos, Tony added it to his watch later list. As usual, his own social media were bursting with notifications, people raving over Iron Man and asking for more videos of Steve training routine, which, Tony couldn't blame them, the sight of his boyfriend working out was heaven. He even decided to check his Tumblr, curious if anyone sent him some more tips or maybe just left him a nice message -

Oh, that was weird. Usually, he had maybe two or three messages, some reblogs, and a few comments. This time, his app was bursting with notifications and Tony didn't post anything that could cause such a commotion in the last days.

'WHAT. WHAT????"

'Nooooooo... Please don't break up with him! He loves you so much!'

"The hell, dude! You invaded your bf's privacy like that?? You're the worst!"

Tony didn't understand anything. Maybe he clicked and shared something by accident. There was a slight possibility that his account was hacked. Maybe -

Maybe it was way, way worse. 

There was a new text post on his main, one he didn't write.

'Hi, this is Spare Part Man's boyfriend. I found this account by accident and me and my boyfriend have a lot to talk about once I see him.'

No. No, no, no.

"Tony? Tony, are you okay?!"

Tony didn't realize he started to hyperventilate until Pepper's voice brought him back. Everyone was staring at him and Tony felt like vomiting.

"I am fine," Tony said, not meaning it, his voice coming out squeaky. "Can we - excuse me, I have to go," Tony rambled out, sending a sorry look in Pepper's direction and trying to walk out of the conference room as calmly as possible. It felt like the whole world was spinning around him, making him feel nauseous. Tony stumbled to the window and pressed his face against the cool glass, trying to soothe his heated skin and get his thoughts back in order.

It wasn't supposed to happen. Not like this. Maybe it was never supposed to happen, staying as his hidden fantasy and dark secret. What if he deleted the account, right here, right now, would he be able to convince Steve that it never existed? 

No. Steve wouldn't fall for it. And Tony felt so stupid for creating that account in the first place, but he needed a place to vent. He didn't plan on socializing, sharing his life, just get the urges out and move on. He just... Wanted to feel accepted. Find people who thought the same as he did. Not feel so alone.

And he would end alone because Steve definitely was going to dump him.

***

"I am back!"

Tony was a genius. He had numerous diplomas to prove it. Yet, he decided that the best thing to do would be to march into his and Steve's shared floor, acting like nothing ever happened. Maybe if he managed to keep his cool he could put this whole Tumblr thing as a social study. Just a research on kinks. No biggie. He could do this.

"Tony, come to the bedroom for a second!"

Somehow hearing Steve's voice made this situation very real and not like Tony imagined it. He couldn't say anything from the tone of Steve's voice, it was neutral, not angry, but also wasn't the cheerful, loving one Steve had towards him. On usual days, Steve would come to him, resembling an excited puppy and lick his face - kiss, Tony meant kiss, and then they would sit on the couch and share their day. Their bedroom was a private, closed space and once Tony set his foot there, there was no way back. 

Feeling a nervous twist in his stomach, Tony peeked into the bedroom, just to feel if the situation was as bad as he feared. Steve was on the bed, forehead creased in thought, and was looking at the space in front of him until he spotted Tony from the corner of his eyes.

"Tony - " Steve started, sitting up straight, pulling shoulders back.

"No, Steve, I - " Tony walked into the bedroom, trying to make his voice strong. Just remember what he had planned and it would be fine. "I want to talk first, okay?" 

Steve blinked and frowned lightly, but kept his lips tight. Alright, if Tony insisted.

"Okay," Tony nodded, trying to give himself some courage and began to pace around the room. "I know you found my Tumblr account," he said the obvious, struggling to keep his voice firm. "And - and it was not true, you know that, right? I just - research - an experiment to - ahh," Tony quickly got lost in his words, noticing Steve's look changing to a confused one. "I - ah, fuck, fuck, fuck - " Tony couldn't get any coherent words out and stopped and hid his face in hands. He continued to quietly curse, not knowing how to get out of this mess and not lose everything. 

"Babe..."

Tony almost jumped away, when Steve came closer and wrapped arms around him. After a moment of hesitation, Tony buried himself into his soldier's arms, his face pressed against Steve's neck. Probably the last hug he would receive from Steve. This whole thing won't make Avengers stuff awkward at all. What if Steve would quit the team? Tony couldn't imagine not being able to see Steve anymore. He needed him. He would change, he would do better. Steve couldn't break up with him. 

"Of course that I am not breaking up with you," Steve said suddenly, and Tony winced, not realizing he said it out loud. "Is that what you thought?" Steve asked, sounding shocked. Reluctantly, Tony nodded. Somehow he was used to being rejected and walking away from problems was one of the things he did and expected the same happen to him. 

"God, Tony," Steve said in an exasperated huff, not believing how quickly this whole thing could escalate in Tony's mind. Then again, he should know, because Tony did think too much and sometimes didn't stop his thoughts on time, letting them drag him deeper and deeper. "Tony, I am not breaking up with you," Steve said again, just to make sure the words sunk in his boyfriend's head. "And I am sorry," Steve gently put his thumb and forefinger under Tony's chin, encouraging him to eye contact. 'Sorry you turned out to be messed up in the head,' Tony finished in his mind, looking into Steve's blue eyes. 

"I am sorry for barging into your space when you didn't feel ready to share yet," Steve said, closing the distance between them and leaning his forehead against Tony's.

What?

Tony didn't reply, just stared, his brown eyes widening. Steve was... apologizing to him? Not the other way around?

"I read some of your blog," Steve said and Tony panicked again, Steve holding him closer when he felt brunet's body tense, "and I understand how hard it is for you to talk about it and how important it is for you. I really do. If anything, I am... a bit disappointed you didn't tell me. Why didn't you?"

Tony's mouth twisted into a scowl. He was disappointed with himself too, but it was hard. Harder than admitting that he liked being pinned down by Steve, or spanked, as it all seemed... simpler. It was obvious why people who enjoyed it were turned on by it. Tickling wasn't easy to explain. 

"I wanted to," Tony finally spoke, his voice coming out quiet, "I didn't know how," this wasn't a good answer. Tony closed his eyes, not able to look at Steve. "I was embarrassed, I guess."

"Hmmm," Steve hummed in understanding, waiting for Tony to continue, but he didn't say anything more. Tony had no problems with voicing out his needs on his site, but face to face with Steve, he was fumbling and struggling for words. Anonymity gave him a sense of control which was being stripped away from him, layer by layer. Maybe with time, Tony would open more, and it was on Steve's side to nurture that vulnerable mindset until Tony would feel strong enough and confident to voice out his true needs. 

"Then... can you tell me why you like it?" Steve tried, sounding gentle and not judgmental. Keeping an open mind was the key here.

"I don't know," Tony said quickly, sounding defensive. He didn't mean to, but it was stranger than him. He didn't want Steve to judge him, to think less of him, but... It was Steve. Steve who was always so understanding and didn't laugh at him and did his best to keep Tony feel accepted. It won't work if Steve would be the only one willing to share. "I guess," Tony corrected himself, trying to be more open, "I like the trust in it. And closeness," he said, tugging on Steve's clothes and hiding more into his boyfriend, "and, uh, it feels good."

"Feels good?"

"Yeah," Tony admitted, burying his heated face deeper into Steve's neck. "Feels really good. Especially when you are the one ti - doing it."

"Oh," Steve said, carding his fingers through the short hair on the back of Tony's head. Tony shivered, just slightly, from the light touch, smiling against Steve's skin and Steve felt an urge to touch him all over. This time differently, more aware and more intimate, paying closer attention to the reactions. "So... you wanna do it?"

"Do what?"

"You know what."

Tony moved away from Steve, showing a confused face. That kinda felt like mocking him, but Steve's face was honest. And it would certainly change the mood and make Tony feel better about this whole day. "I don't know," Tony said, just to be safe, "do you want to do it?"

"Heck yeah."

"What? You do?" Tony asked, his mouth falling agape at the enthusiasm. 

"Sure. You like it and I like tickling you too. It's a win-win, right?"

Tony started to smile in relief. It was really happening. Steve accepted one of Tony's darkest secrets and even wanted to take part in it. Tony could barely wrap his mind around it, already feeling excited and giddy.

"So?" Steve asked again, eyes sparkling, waiting for permission from his boyfriend.

"If you keep asking, it takes the surprise factor AWAAHHAHA!" Tony's newly found boost of confidence was efficiently cut off when Steve latched hands to his sides and squeezed repeatedly. Tony doubled over in laughter and squirmed away, watching with a pounding heart as Steve followed him, smiling beautifully mischievous. "No, no, no, wait, Steve! STEHEVE!" Tony screeched in laughter when Steve ran forward, pushing Tony on the bed, and falling with him. "ACK! STE - hahaha! Waaait!" Tony wailed when fingers were going up and down his body tickling intensely. When Tony became pink in the face and a little breathless, Steve stopped, leaning in and kissing Tony's smiling lips.

"I love you, babe," Steve whispered, looking at his lover.

"I love you too," Tony answered, his heart hammering from the ticklish rush and all love he had for Steve. 

"Are we good?"

"We are good," Tony assured, still not believing that everything turned out so great. 

"Good," Steve smiled, and just now Tony realized that somehow both of his wrists were in soldier's hold and Steve easily pinned his hands above his head, leaving his torso exposed. "Because now," Steve said, sitting on Tony's thighs and slowly sliding his free hand under Tony's shirt. "I want to test every ticklish spot on you."

"Oh fuhahahck - " Tony wriggled uselessly, his stomach sinking in when Steve gently ran fingertips over the soft skin. "Steve, Steve, pleaheehehehese!"

"This is just your tummy and you already are so ticklish. It is a very promising start."

"Ahhahaha!"

"Oh, is this rib ticklish? How about this one? And this one?"

"GAAA HAHAHA!"

"Oh look, the higher I go, the more you laugh. Sooo, this means that when I do this -"

"PFF HAHAHAHA!"

"That's one ticklish armpit you have, babe! Let's find out if the other one is as ticklish -"

Steve was grinning, watching Tony crumbling and laughing, coming apart under his fingers. Steve was right, it was a win-win for both of them.

***

"You should write on your Tumblr."

"Huh?"

"You should," Steve repeated, rolling on completely naked Tony and kissing his lips, "write on your," a kiss on the chin, "Tumblr," Steve finished, blowing a raspberry into Tony's neck.

"HAAHAHA! Stoooop," Tony tried to swat Steve away, feeling too blissful to move. Of course that a long, intimate tickle session changed into an amazing make out. It was incredible how the tickle foreplay increased their appetite and how wonderfully responsive Tony became. 

Steve laughed and rolled on his side, looking at Tony with adoration. Laughing made Tony ten times more attractive in Steve's eyes, and Tony was off the scale to start with. 

"I am serious, babe," Steve tried again, gently poking his finger all over Tony's bare belly, making him squeak funnily and curl up, "write on your Tumblr. Everyone has to be worried."

"Ah hahaha... Ohkahay!" Tony agreed, shielding his stomach with one hand and using the other one to reach for his phone. "Uhh... Should I update and delete it?" Tony asked. With everything working out so great, there was no reason for him to keep that account. No more secret lusting, when he had it all in real life.

"If you want to," Steve said truthfully, "or maybe you can keep it for a bit longer because I might need some inspiration on how to take you apart."

"Ahhh, not sure if I want to give you access to that sort of power," Tony teased, opening the app. "Huh, people kinda hate you."

Steve shrugged, understanding that what he wrote, did sound menacing, even if it wasn't his intention. "Just write that we are fine and your boyfriend plans on fulfilling your each and every one tickle fantasy."

"You do?" Tony asked, voice trembling with excitement.

"All of them, babe," Steve assured, smiling broadly. He had remembered some of the things he read and gifs he saw, and could easily imagine Tony on the receiving end. 

Looking enthusiastic, Tony got to writing. Soon, Steve got up and leaned over Tony's shoulder, looking at the screen.

'Hi, guys. Sorry for the sudden silence but as you saw we had a situation here. It is all good now, me and BF talked, and he turned to be all sweet about it, not bragging, I just had my first tickle session and it was amazing! So, I just wanted to give you an update, that I am fine. More than fine. My BF said that I can keep this Tumblr if I want to and he will even use it as an inspiration, so aaaah, can't wait. Just don't give him any ideas! I am gonna talk to you all soon, but for now, I and my BF have plans. See you later!'

After the post got published, Tony and Steve didn't have to wait for a reaction.

'AAAAH! I AM SO GLAD EVERYTHING IS FINE! YOU BOYS HAVE FUN NOW!'

'Awesome, couple goals.'

'That's great, dude, but I hope your BF apologized.'

"That's the one that doesn't like me, right?" Steve squinted his eyes, pointing at the last comment. Tony laughed and nosed Steve's cheek playfully.

"It is okay, I like you," he smiled. "Do you want to have a nickname? That will make it much easier for me to write when you are involved."

"Um, sure," Steve said, not entirely sold on the idea, but not wanting to shot Tony's idea down. "You call yourself Spare Parts Man, right?" Steve asked and Tony nodded. "Soooo... How about you call me Iron Man?"

Tony's smile dropped in surprise, and he laughed mockingly. "Seriously, dude?"

"Hey, the darkest place is under the candle," Steve said, sounding defensive.

"Fine," Tony agreed, rolling his eyes dramatically. He reblogged the post and added an update.

'BF wants you to call him Iron Man. I know, lame.'

"Ack!" Tony almost dropped his phone when Steve scoldingly pinched his side. Soon the first comments came.

'Ah you sound like a superhero couple, how cute!'

'I am shipping you both. #relationshipgoals'

'Wow, your BF is not very creative, isn't he? But fine, let it be IRON MAN.'

"Write to this one that I don't like them either," Steve hissed, looking at the last comment. 

Tony laughed and turned to Steve, pressing their lips together in a kiss. Long and sweet. The kind of kiss that was the perfect happy ending to a tickle kink coming out story.

"Oh, interesting!" Steve suddenly said, ending the kiss too soon and looking at one of the comments, smiling wickedly. 

"What is int - noooooo!" Tony wailed, understanding the reason behind the smile. It was stronger than him and Tony started to panic. "It is a lie, Steve! Don't believe the lieeee no no aaah HELP!"

Steve laughed, wrestling Tony down and pinning his hands once again. If Tony was already getting this worked up, there was no way Steve would back up.

"No, please!" Tony giggled, kicking his legs, trying to wriggle away, as Steve's menacingly moving fingers were getting closer and closer. "I cahahahan't!"

Somehow, Steve didn't believe him. Instead, he believed the comment.

'Hey, this is for Iron Man - I am sure you know already, that SP's stomach is really ticklish, but did you try tickling his belly button specifically? From what SP writes it is a very ticklish outie. Have fun!'

When Steve pressed his finger over Tony's outie delicately and Tony burst into giggling, almost maniacal laughter, Steve was in heaven. It was settled, Tony was keeping his blog for further tips for Steve. 

[bigskydreaming]

Hi! I’m confused on how to reconcile dick’s origins and his loving family with the haly’s circus is a tool of the court of owls info. How does dick’s childhood not become horrifying and fake if the court of owls were using the circus the whole time? Ppl that dick knew and friends with were probably evil right? Idk... have a great day, sorry for my rant lol-confused anon

Honestly, as many times as the circus comes up in canon, its very rarely been explored in detail so it really just depends on how you play it, I think. For me, the difference is complicitness. If the Court of Owls is heavily invested in Haly’s Circus and manipulates where they go and when and uses it as a training camp for their future assassins in a lot of ways, that unmistakably casts a pall over Dick’s childhood, it lends it a certain air of grim destiny....BUT that doesn’t have to equate to his childhood being a LIE....not if most of the people he loves and values from it were just genuinely good people who loved him and had no idea about the darker side of their circus. I think most of Haly’s performers had no clue, or don’t have to be portrayed as having one, and thus just because they were there, doesn’t mean they were complicit, and if they weren’t complicit, that’s what really matters when it comes to them.

That said, we know that numerous performers died young under mysterious circumstances, or disappeared when in their teens, and that these were the eventual Talons of the Court. BUT we also know that the Court wasn’t like....disappearing multiple performers at a time, and that the real secret of the Talons’ large numbers is their longevity and the fact that the Court had been doing this for a LONG time. So its not like Haly’s performers would have all been oblivious to a lot of their number just vanishing under mysterious circumstances, its more that the scarcity of it happening means it could very easily for a lot of the performers Dick knew as a child, been like, their own personal urban legend? Like, there’s an awareness that there’s something spooky or creepy associated with the circus, but not what exactly it is or why its that way, and there’s just enough deniability to it that for most performers, their personal reasons for staying with the circus outweighed the occasional reminder of this potentially creepy side of things, as a reason for them to leave.

I could easily see this playing into like, superstitions about Gotham in general, because performers who’d been with the circus their whole life or a long time or just had a stronger awareness of the disappearances in their history could’ve like, identified that these mysterious deaths or disappearances only seemed to happen when the circus went to Gotham, and like.....maybe there wasn’t enough info to know what it MEANT, exactly, or maybe some of them had connected some dots and had SUSPICIONS about it maybe having something to do with the creepy rhyme they heard when they were in Gotham once, about the Court of Owls, but without being sure who was safe to talk about this with, nobody ever really explored that idea in depth.....like, its one of those things where I feel like it could’ve been that the disappearances and ideas people had about what was behind them and all that, it was a Big Unsaid. Something that was present and there throughout the atmosphere of Haly’s at times, especially for older members of the troupes, but nobody really ever talked about it because just because they knew something was going on there doesn’t mean they knew what to SAY about it, or to whom....and these are the kinds of undercurrents that as a kid, Dick would likely have been oblivious to....or only aware of in hindsight. 

Like, I could see him years later reflecting on how now that he thought about it, the others always got weird and nervous about shows in Gotham or even the possibility of them, and nobody seemed to like Gotham for some reason, but he never knew WHY....and then when his parents were killed, that could have very easily slotted into just like....affirming that vague idea of ‘only bad things happen to the circus and its members when we come to Gotham’ without him ever consciously feeling a need to further explore that idea or awareness around Gotham....because on a gut level, it felt like he’d already gotten confirmation about something that he and the rest of his circus had always known as a kind of truism, even if they didn’t know why, y’know?

The only real sticking point in all this (well actually there’s two) is first of all, Haly and his family. We know they had some awareness of all this, and there was the Book of Names, and like, Haly and his grandfather knew about the Court in actuality rather than just theory, but its very doubtful that there was anything sinister to this knowledge on Haly’s side of things at least, and it seems pretty clear he was just a pawn operating under duress. That’s my take anyway, like, and it doesn’t make it OKAY for him not to have said or done more, but it makes it a tragedy rather than a betrayal, kinda? Like, he was stuck between a rock and a hard place, and though there’s things he could have said or done to defy the Court and their using the circus to draw their Talons from, he was probably painfully aware that any expression of defiance was going to simply get him and his loved ones killed as an object lesson to whomever they replaced him with, without much more than a slight hiccup in their plans.

And this is where being aware of the transformative power of fanfic and using it with INTENT rather than just going with the most utilized fanon tropes, like, is your best friend. Because thanks to all the gaps and superficiality in how a lot of this was touched on and dealt with in canon....you can make whatever you want out of it, all the more definitively if you know precisely what you want TO make out of it. 

For instance: do you want to preserve Dick’s memories of Haly as a kind, grandfatherly figure in his life, someone who would never have stood idly by and allowed the Court’s intended fate for him to happen? You can do that....by playing up the idea that Haly saw an opportunity come out of the tragedy of the Graysons’ death, to separate Dick from the circus, and thus the Court, like lean into the idea that he was all for notable public figure Bruce Wayne taking in Dick and thus keeping him in a new, bigger kind of spotlight the shadowy Court wouldn’t dare try and steal him from. Unless of course, he suspected that billionaire and old money Gothammite Bruce Wayne WAS a member of the Court, and that’s why he wanted to take Dick in, in the first place. Crap. Just thought of that, that’s an obstacle.

UNLESS unless! You have Haly trying all the more to get Dick to stay with them, at least until they’re out of Gotham again and he can end up in the CPS system of some other NON Gotham city, once Bruce does express an interest in taking in Dick, BECAUSE he thinks Bruce is a member of the Court, and so he’s so clearly afraid of Bruce for some reason that Bruce simply can’t reconcile with his own public image and can’t simply be simple fear of the upper class when Haly’s Circus is used to catering to such crowds and Haly’s always displayed an ability to navigate the currents of such shark-infested waters as the Circus’s ringmaster....no, this has to be something other than just public perceptions, Haly’s fear of Bruce and his intentions for Dick feels PERSONAL. 

Which perhaps makes Bruce come to Haly then as Batman, reassure him from that angle....which could in turn make Haly open up to him then and there about the Court and their obsession with the Gray Son, when he’s aware then that public figure Bruce Wayne isn’t a member of the Court and CAN offer the somewhat dubious (and double-edged) protection of that spotlight, AND at the same time, that he’s not some dumbass, but the Batman, with superhero connections and resources all his own that he can use to hunt the Court from the shadows and protect Dick that way too.

Thus giving Bruce forewarning about the threat of the Court (and hopefully Dick too, as I don’t think with this kind of storyline, keeping him in the dark his ENTIRE childhood would be fair or a good idea, even if it is understandable, like, there’s different ways to play this, but that seems doomed to backfire if that’s the road taken there).

Another thought about Robin and his bright colors and impossible-to-deny presence here though, actually.....what if part of why Bruce allowed Dick to be Robin at all was because it enabled him to kinda....extend the public spotlight Dick was in, as a barrier against the Court taking him....to more than just their civilian personas? Like, if Bruce KNOWS that Dick never had even the possibility of a normal life because even without him coming into his life, the Court was always going to be there, waiting for an opportunity to claim him.....then training him as Robin, giving him field experience as Robin, suddenly takes on a WHOLE different perspective as its Bruce actively giving him the tools to protect himself from an extremely SPECIFIC threat and fate....one that could strike at any time, one that wasn’t guaranteed to wait until Dick was an adult to try and take him so Bruce felt he couldn’t afford to wait until he was older to try and prepare him to be able to fight back, if they ever did come for him. Plus, as Robin, he was a BRIGHT figure in ways that are completely contrary to Bruce’s early start as an urban legend himself, something that could just as easily not exist as exist as rumored. From the moment Robin was a confirmed quantity, however, people were going to notice when and if he disappeared.....thus making it all the more impossible for the Court to quietly disappear Dick Grayson or Robin, without the rest of the hero community noticing too.

Of course, then you have to reconcile this with Bruce firing Dick as Robin....but there’s ways to do that too. *Shrugs* Just musing as I go here, tbh.

Or you can take the road I’ve dabbled with few times, the idea that a big part of why Dick ended up in juvie in that origin, could fanfic-wise be explained by connecting that backstory to the New 52 presence of the Court, and mashing them together so that the Court actually pulled strings after the Graysons’ death to get their Gray Son placed there until ‘they were ready for him’ and in the process wean him away from the morals his parents instilled in him and hone his willingness to fight and even potentially kill, by placing him in a pressure-cooker of an environment aimed at making him into a weapon. But the point here, is this is another more concrete way that Bruce could have even unknowingly thrown a wrench into their plans, by encountering him when he escaped from juvie (something the Court might not have been expecting, having underestimated him) and this leading to him taking Dick in himself, no longer trusting the city or the system to do the job they’d promised to do when they claimed to be taking Dick away from the circus for his own good. 

Here, even without knowing about the Court or its plans, you can lean into the idea that Bruce steered Dick away from their intentions for him simply by being a source and a reminder of kindness and kind people. Kinda play up the theme that rather than grow up to be their greatest asset, Dick grew up to be their greatest enemy instead, all due to the introduction of the one variable the Court hadn’t accounted for when trying to forge their ideal weapon....the kindness of a stranger.

My point with both these directions is.....even with the Court having a hand in Haly’s Circus and thus Dick’s childhood, that doesn’t HAVE to make Dick’s childhood, or his destiny, inherently a tragedy, because despite all the Talon fics out there, the fact remains that in canon, in the main timeline....Dick’s never actually ever been a Talon....he exists, much like he’s always aimed to exist....as a defiance of expectations, of determinism, of a fated destiny. And thus he embodies something he’s embraced over and over again, the idea that only he truly gets to decide who and what he is.....and by utilizing one of the above ideas in his backstory, you can put Haly or Bruce or both firmly on HIS side, and give them active roles in giving him the tools he needs to subvert the Court’s destiny for himself, and choose his own path.

So, ultimately IMO, the Court’s connection to Dick’s past really is just one more way in which his story can be what its always been....that of retaining his core self even in the face of tragedies, making a triumph out of resisting the world (or specific people in it)’s attempts to make him other than a hero.

(The other sticking point I mentioned, aside from Haly, is one I’ve never really been able to reconcile myself, because it relies so much on the ages DC tried to force down our throat with the New 52, and to which I say NAY, NAY DC, DICK GRAYSON WAS NOT SIXTEEN WHEN HE MET BRUCE WAYNE, THIS IS NOT A JOEL SCHUMACHER PRODUCTION AND YOU DON’T HAVE THAT WACKY AND INEXPLICABLE CHARM.

And that’s the presence of other acrobats who aren’t part of the Flying Grayson family act, like Raya and Raymond, who we ultimately see as being very aware of the Court of Owls by the time Dick becomes aware of them. And like. There’s a lot going on there, and I don’t entirely know how to make it work but largely because I’ve never been all that inclined or inspired to try, so I mostly just let that be, and lift elements of the Court of Owls and transplant them into and over pre-Flashpoint continuity, which I prefer overall anyway).

[star-six7]

I’ll Stand Up With You Forever

Andy Biersack x Reader (Gender Neutral)

Word Count: 1461

Request: Can you write an Andy Biersack imagine on a honeymoon?

A/N:  This is my longest one yet! I really enjoyed writing this; if you guys have any more requests for any band listed in my bio, please send them in!

Disclaimer: This is entirely a work of fiction. No part of this story is meant to be libel, slander, or in any way derogatory towards any character’s real life counterpart. I’m not delusional; I know that these characters are simply based off of a public persona and may not actually resemble the people behind those personas. Any additional characters that you do not recognize are entirely fictional, unless otherwise stated. And finally, if you got here by Googling yourself, whatever happens next is 100% on you.

You closed your eyes and sighed happily, settling back into your seat. The flight from Cincinnati to Maui was a long one, and you didn’t want to be jet-lagged all week. Today marked your first full day of being married to one Andrew Dennis Biersack, and it was also going to be the first day of your two-week long honeymoon in Hawaii. Needless to say, you were the happiest you had ever been. You replayed the highlights of your wedding (and the night after) as the plane taxied down the runway, smiling. It was an amazing feeling to know that you had the rest of your life to keep making those kinds of memories with Andy, and you couldn’t wait.

Andy couldn’t wait either, but even more so, he couldn’t wait for the plane to take off. Or land. Or both. He kept leaning over you to peer out the window. You wondered if his legs or his back felt cramped, given his height, but when you opened your eyes, he was grinning.

“What’s up?” You smiled back at him, raising an eyebrow.

“I can’t believe we’re finally married! I can’t believe we’re going on our honeymoon. Can you believe it? I can’t.”

You laughed quietly at his enthusiasm, glancing down at your own wedding band. “Are you sure you don’t want the window seat?” You asked him, gesturing at the setting sun.

“Why would I need the window seat when the best view is sitting right next to me?” He smirked.

You blushed, slightly giddy that he still managed to take your breath away after all these years. “Thank you,” you mumbled. “I’m gonna try and sleep now, okay? I wanna be awake for at least some of our honeymoon.”

“So… we’re not joining the Mile High Club?”

You groaned and covered your face with the in-flight magazine.

“Come on babe, don’t you want to get with an extremely handsome rockstar?” He winked exaggeratedly.

“Actually, yes, do you know any?” You lowered the magazine and grinned at him.

“I’m hurt,” he said, feigning disappointment. “But after years of knowing you, I am definitely not shocked.”

“Well,” you said, leaning your head back against the seat, eyes closed. “Go to sleep. We have the rest of our lives to try again.”

---

After twelve hours and some change, the plane touched down. You had managed to get a decent amount of sleep, even with Andy’s fidgeting and restlessness. However, taking off during a sunset and landing half a day later during the same one due to the time zones was enough to throw off anybody’s internal clock, and therefore, make them a bit grumpy.

You frowned as Andy led you to the rental car, luggage in tow. “Can’t we just check in at the hotel and go to bed? My body is telling me it’s six am!”

“Nope!” he said, grinning far too brightly for someone who hadn’t slept in almost twenty-four hours. “Can’t get off schedule!”

You sighed as he kissed your cheek and started humming lightly as he drove. While you had taken care of most of the smaller details of your actual wedding and reception, Andy had been in charge of the honeymoon. You had both decided on a destination, and you had given your input on some of the activities you were looking forward to (at least, those that took place outside of the bedroom), but Andy did the bulk of the work as far as making reservations and planning an itinerary. And Andy loved planning itineraries. 

Every trip you had gone on as a couple, Andy had meticulously outlined every day of it, almost down to every hour. This could be both a blessing and a curse, because while it was nice to have a plan, Andy was pretty insistent on sticking to it. You had joked before that he should plan the mission timelines for NASA. He just laughed and said that years of being in a far-traveling, highly successful rock band following a strict tour schedule had drilled it into him, and besides you were stuck with him, weren’t you? Yes, you thought now, looking back down at the ring on your finger, you were stuck with him, and you couldn’t be happier.

The jolt of Andy putting the car into park snapped you out of your reminiscing, as you looked around, taking in the restaurant he had pulled up to.

“Come on, I know this will make you feel better! I looked up the menu a few weeks ago, and I think you’ll love it!”

You just smiled, shaking your head. Of course he did. “You know I love you, right?”

“Of course I do. And you know I love you too.” He put his arm through yours and led you inside.

---

Andy was right, like always. Eating delicious food while looking out over a stunning view of the ocean did wonders to your mood, not to mention simply just talking and laughing with Andy and being with him. Soon, it was time to pick up the check and head back to the hotel.

You had parked in the basement lot of the building, but Andy grabbed your arm when you went to get the suitcases out of the back of the trunk.

“Wait,” he said, a playful look coming across his face. “We should do something first.”

“Huh? What about the schedule?” You edged out of his grasp. “I’m still in my plane clothes. And besides, don’t you wanna do something in our room?” You added a note of flirtation in your voice.

“No, it’s- I mean, yes! Yes, I wanna do bedroom activities, but-” And then he grabbed your hand and started sprinting towards the exit.

“Andy, what-” you tried, stumbling to keep up.

He just laughed and stopped to pick you up and swing you over his shoulder. “You’re too slow, come on!”

By this point, the sun had set over the island, but Andy navigated the dark path through the hotel grounds with ease. He skittered sideways through an open gate and down a sandy concrete walkway towards what you realized was the beach.

“Andrew! You better not be planning on throwing me in the water or I swear-”

“Good idea,” he laughed, “but no. You should take off your shoes.” He set you down on the sand.

You complied, as he did the same, and then you waded out into the surf with him. You watched Andy as he immediately began searching for shells to give you, knowing how much you loved to collect them. All of a sudden, the entirety of the past few days started to catch up with you all at once. While there wasn’t any scientific proof of fate, or soulmates, or anything like that, you couldn’t help but feel like every decision, every event, in both your life and Andy’s had led you to this exact moment. Standing knee deep in water, alone on the beach at night, with the moon shining down on the two of you as you tried not to get soaked by the incoming tide. Every disappointment and roadblock you had experienced snapped into place, and now you could appreciate them for where they had gotten you. You admired the way the moonlight glinted off Andy’s smile, the way his arms had felt around you moments ago, and the way his laugh sounded over the waves. You knew that there would certainly be more challenges in the course of your life, but you knew you could get through them with someone as kind, talented, smart, beautiful, and loving as Andy by your side.

Suddenly, you were pulled back into reality by the shock of ocean water down your front. Whirling to your right, you saw Andy standing next to you with the most see-through attempt of a look of innocence on his face. However, you couldn’t find it in you to pretend to be annoyed.

“Hey, so, if you missed it the first five times, I found you a-”

“Andy.” You cut him off. “Um. I know I only said it a million times yesterday, but… I really love you. And I’m so glad you’re in my life, forever now…”

Unwittingly, you felt yourself starting to tear up.

“Hey,” Andy said, moving closer, wrapping his arms around your waist and shoulders. “I know, I love you too, and you complete me. That’s kinda why we got married, remember?”

You chuckled, smiling up at him. “I’m glad that we’re having this moment and everything, but it’s getting cold…”

“You’re right,” he said, taking your hand in his. He glanced wistfully up at the hotel, a sly smile appearing on his face. “Maybe we should go take advantage of the honeymoon suite.”

A/N: Thank you for reading my work! If you enjoyed it, please comment and let me know what you liked about it or what your favorite part was! Also, feel free to send in requests! :)

[bubblesuga]

Oblivious To Adoration - 3

Summary: After an intense night of drunken sex, Jungkook realizes he wants more. When he suggests an idea to you, you were shocked. However, who were you to say no to Mr. Jeon Jungkook?

W/C: 2,394

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Warnings: angst, mature language, mentions of sex

Panic coursed through your veins while you quickly climbed off of Jungkook’s lap. You were furious, more at yourself than anyone else because you let yourself get caught up in Jungkook without realizing just how public this parking lot was. 

“(Y/N), I-” Jungkook starts, watching while you struggle to clean yourself up as best as you could in the small space of the passenger seat. 

“What the fuck was Namjoon even doing here?” You yell out to no one in particular, crossing your legs and resting your head in your hands. Jungkook carefully zips his pants back up, reaching forward to put a hand on your knee. However, you were quick to move away from him. The last thing you wanted was to be touched right now. 

“I know he moved into his own place a few weeks ago. I didn’t know it was here,” Jungkook sighs, swallowing the hurt as he sees you curl your legs to your chest, “I- I’ll talk to him.” 

“What good is that gonna do? He already saw us fucking. God damn it this was exactly what I was afraid of.” You speak the last bit quietly, feeling frustration fuel your words. 

You already could tell what people’s opinions were going to be when you started this arrangement so that’s why you pushed so hard to keep it a secret. You could already sense the judgement radiating off of Namjoon. What would he think of a girl who’s using her best friend for her own personal pleasure?

“Baby...” Jungkook whispers, “it’ll be okay.” He was careful to keep his hands to himself, watching you warily. 

“No you don’t get it, Jungkook,” you speak softly, pushing a hand through your hair while you tried desperately not to let the frustration build into tears, “I’m already the only female in a group of friends. I already get comments thrown my way about how I ‘probably already fucked half of them’. I didn’t want- I don’t want people to think badly of me.” 

Jungkook takes a deep breath of understanding. That had never been a concern of his, about having other people speak badly of him. He remembers Jimin praising him when he found out Jungkook finally had the balls to ask you.

He gnaws at his lip, “You can’t let other people’s opinions stray you away from what you want to do.” 

“Easy for you to say,” you laugh bitterly, “you don’t get called a whore for having friends that are girls.” 

“You’re right, I don’t. But do you really think Namjoon would think any less of you because you and I are having sex?” Jungkook questions, turning towards you in the car. You loosen your posture, pondering over the question. 

“I don’t know.” 

“Yes you do, no one is going to think any less of you just like they won’t think any less of me. Fuck everybody else, the only people whose opinions matter are yours and the people you love.” Jungkook was upset now. The fact that you thought so highly of other people’s opinions was news to him, he didn’t think that you’d ever have to worry about what other people would say. 

You look over to Jungkook, feeling your anxiety ease slightly, “When did you get so poetic, Kookie?” You reached over and ran your fingers through his hair, seeing his eyes flutter at the contact. 

He gives you a sad smile, leaning into your touch, “I just want to make sure you’re okay.” 

“I’m okay, thank you.” You whisper, leaning forward and giving him a kiss. You hesitated before making contact, but decided you needed it. He smiles into the kiss, a soft and delicate peck that was much different to your previous kisses, but it felt right. 

As you pull away you open your eyes to see Jungkook’s eyes still shut, his lips still puckered. Slowly, he opens his eyes and watches you carefully. You nod, “I’ll see you soon, yeah?” 

“Do you want me to walk you inside?” 

“I’ll be good. Text me when you want to hang.” You nod, patting Jungkook’s thigh while you open his door. Giving him a pat on his thigh, you climb out of the car and quickly walk towards your building. Hearing Jungkook’s engine roar to life, you turn back and wave to him as he drives away. 

As soon as you see him turn the counter, you pull out your phone and call Namjoon. 

He answers quickly, “Hey (Y/N), what’s up?” 

“Where’s your apartment?” You speak quickly, looping your bag haphazardly over your shoulders while you walk through the breezeway of your building. Namjoon chuckles on the other end, his cocky persona evident in just his laugh. You resist the urge to glare at your phone, waiting somewhat impatiently for the answer. 

“What? You and Jungkookie looking for a third party?” 

“Namjoon.” 

“Alright, Jesus,” you had a certain tone you’d use on him when he was being particularly difficult, “Building 3, Apartment 208.” 

As fast as you could, your feet carried you through the apartment complex until you reached building three. Rushing up the stairs, you ball your fist and begin to pound on the door. It takes way too long for your patience and you open his door, letting yourself in. 

“Namjoon, come to your living room!” You call out, crossing your arms over your chest. 

Namjoon walks out of his kitchen and stands in front of you a smirk across his smug face. You roll your eyes, “Listen, can you-” you suddenly realized exactly what he saw, and your face goes bright red, “can you just keep what you saw to yourself?” 

“Oh believe me, I won’t tell a single soul, Miss (Y/L/N). That image is going to stay,” he taps a finger against his temple and winks, “right up here.” 

“Don’t be weird. Seriously, this stays between us.” 

“Why don’t you want anyone to know? Y’know, I’m surprised it took the two of you this long to start dating. I figured Jungkook would have admitted he liked you ages ago.” Namjoon says, shrugging while he leans against the wall beside his TV. 

You raise an eyebrow, your throat going dry at Namjoon’s words. Jungkook doesn’t like you like that, that’s ridiculous. He wouldn’t want to actually date you. 

“He doesn’t like me like that.” You say incredulously, tapping your foot while you feel your eyes staring through Namjoon. 

“Obviously he does, otherwise he wouldn’t be boning you like that.” Namjoon gestures wildly, as if he wasn’t giving you information that would both flutter your heart and implode your brain. With a few short sentences, Namjoon had flipped your entire interpretation of this situation with Jungkook completely upside down. 

“Wait,” Namjoon tears you out of your thoughts, “if he didn’t tell you he likes you, why were you guys fucking in his car?” 

“I feel like that’s none of your business.” 

“I feel like it is,” he laughs, “I heard you moaning from a mile away.” 

You swallowed, “Jungkook and I just wanted to have some fun for the summer. Then when classes start back up it’s done, we’re done.” 

“Good luck with that,” He snorts, shaking his head, “don’t you like him too? Why else would you agree to fuck him?” 

“Jesus, Namjoon can we stop using such vulgar language when talking about this?” you cringe inwardly at the bluntness of Namjoon. Even two years into this friendship you still had yet to get used to it. 

“Answer the question.” 

Looking up at the ceiling, you press your hands against your forehead to try and subdue the quickly forming headache. Namjoon stood in front of you patiently, his hands now folded behind his back while he waits for you to sift through your thoughts. 

Interestingly enough, you weren’t sure what to say. Telling Namjoon that you loved Jungkook more than a friend, especially after everything that happened, could be bad. It could throw off the whole group’s dynamic, and if for some reason you and Jungkook didn’t work out, you didn’t want to be the one to ruin it for everyone. 

One the other hand, it could work out. You and Jungkook could be happy together, and everything you dreamed about could work out for the best for everyone. You were both adults, and you could learn to navigate this new plane of existence together. But you were scared. So damn scared at potentially ruining your friendship. You’d rather have Jungkook as just a friend than not have him at all. 

“I love him.” You settle with, watching Namjoon’s expression warily. 

He grins, “Thought so.” 

As you were about to retaliate with something snarky, Namjoon’s phone rings.

He reaches into his pocket and stares at the screen, “Speak of the devil.” 

Jungkook’s name stretches across the screen, and Namjoon laughs at your expression while he slides to answer, immediately pressing the speaker button. You keep your hands over your mouth to try and silence yourself as much as possible, Namjoon’s grin widening. 

The smug bastard was enjoying being in on this secret. 

“What’s going on?” Namjoon answers, holding the phone in between the two of you. 

“Hey, can we talk about what you saw back there? (Y/N) would really prefer that no one else knew.” Jungkook’s voice was soft, concerned. It made your heart flutter. You looked at him in such a different light now that you had been so intimate with him. 

Namjoon looks at you, eyebrow raised, “Why’s that?” 

“Something about not wanting to be seen as promiscuous,” Jungkook explains, “I don’t want to upset her, so please don’t tease her or whatever you plan on doing. Please.” 

His sincerity struck a cord with you, and you realized just how much he cares about you. You smiled underneath your hands, but it quickly dropped when Namjoon met your eyes. 

“Well who else knows so I know who I can slip up in front of?” Namjoon asks, looking at you. 

‘No one’ you’re about to mouth towards him, but Jungkook stops your movements, “Jimin, but that’s only because this was his idea. I’m pretty sure Tae has an inkling because he almost caught her leaving the apartment.” 

Your eyes go wide, and Namjoon holds back a laugh, his jaw dropped in a wide grin. Before you could silence yourself, you yell, “What?!” 

“(Y/N)?!” Jungkook’s voice was so loud the speaker cut out momentarily, “What are you doing at Namjoon’s-” 

“The same thing you were, dickhead. When did you plan on telling me that Jimin knows about us?” You grab Namjoon’s phone out of his hand, seeing him throw his hands up in question. You put up a finger and turn off the speaker, putting the phone to your ear. 

“I wasn’t going to tell you,” Jungkook answers truthfully, “I didn’t want you to know that I had to have a friend convince me to ask you to have sex with me.” 

“But if you knew from the beginning that I didn’t want anyone to know, why wouldn’t you tell me then?” You ask, watching Namjoon wave you off and turn around, letting you speak to Jungkook privately. 

“I thought that would be an issue.” Jungkook seemed defeated. 

“It is an issue. What happened to talking about the issues we have to make this work?” You try your best not to let your anger get the best of you. It was a complicated situation for the both of you, and if you were being entirely honest you shouldn’t have been surprised that Jungkook asked advice from one of his hyungs. It wasn’t unlike him to talk openly about his sex life with his friends, even you. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know what else to do. I- I just really wanted this to happen between us.” 

“Why?” You press. You had to hear him say it, to either deny or confirm what Namjoon said. 

“Because ever since you walked me into that bedroom and kissed me, I’ve been a fucking mess. I can’t stop thinking about how good you feel, in both ways. I love when you’re around me and I can’t help but want you around me all the time, in more ways than just as a friend,” Jungkook spoke fast and his stutter had completely diminished, “fuck, (Y/N). I want you, all of you. I want to wake up beside you and make you breakfast, I want to walk you to class and have the whole campus know that you’re mine and only mine. Ever since I met you I’ve wanted more and after that night, I couldn’t help myself.” 

You feel your blood run cold as he finishes his speech, your ears ringing while you became completely overwhelmed at the words Jungkook was using. It was everything you wanted to hear yet you know it’s only the circumstances that made him tell you. You couldn’t help but wonder just how long it would have taken him to tell you had he not been pushed. 

“Okay.” You whisper, forgetting you were in Namjoon’s apartment entirely. It was like the Earth had melted around you and you weren’t sure whether or not to cry of happiness or frustration. 

“Okay? Is that all you have to say?” Jungkook’s tone was incredulous. 

You don’t respond. 

“(Y/N)...I just poured my heart out to you.” Jungkook says after a few beats of silence. His tone had shifted, and you could tell he was upset. You didn’t want to upset him, but you felt numb. Like the whole world had frozen and all you could hear was the soft breathing on the other end of the line from a man who’s heart is about to get crushed. 

“I’ll call you when, uhm- when I can think straight. Does that sound good?” You let him down slowly, not wanting to hurt him. 

“O- okay.” He sniffles, your heart breaking while you end the call. 

Namjoon steps out of the kitchen, walking towards you when you reach your phone out to him. “Everything okay?” 

“Uh, yeah. It will be.” You say softly, giving Namjoon a tight smile. Namjoon nods, “Let me know if you need anything.” 

“Of course, Joonie.” You stand and pat his head, thanking him for allowing you to use his phone then walk out the door, beginning the long descent down the stairs and towards your apartment. 

[bisluthq]

One thing that I think you’re missing from the Lover “invisible muse” theory is that Lover is the only album she’s ever written about someone while she was dating them, without having any kind of shield/protection.

Someone wrote a very smart thread on Twitter when Lover came out, about how it’s difficult to write and release songs about someone you’re coming home to every night. It’s one thing to write ATW, Style, IWYW, Dear John, SBT, I Almost Do... about past relationships and then say “I never name names!” (even though everybody knows - or suspects - who you’re singing about); it’s another thing to write songs about the person you’re currently dating and you want to have a successful relationship with. Everybody knows (or thinks) that she’s singing about Joe. And sure, maybe she’s not (we’re not in her mind), but the point is that everyone is gonna automatically assume that everything she sings is about him. And she sure as hell didn’t t help her case when she said that her music is about her life (something that she was still doing during the Lover era, let’s not forget that).

Which is why that Twitter thread said that in Lover the perspective is strongly hers. We hear very few details about Joe, it’s more about what she feels for him, and that’s because she needs to come back to him at night. That’s a person - and a relationship - she treats with care (per her words): she’s not gonna air his dirty laundry (or even go into excessive praise of him) in public. If she did that, the relationship would probably become unmanageable.

Why was she able to go more in depth with rep and folklore/evermore? Because she had a shield. With rep it was the persona she constructed, and with folklore/evermore it’s the narrative that she isn’t writing solely about herself. The latter has always been true, but now she’s officially saying it out loud and she’s making sure that everybody knows it (look at the SNL skit...), which means that she’s more comfortable singing about him/their relationship more in depth: because she has the shield of “this is fiction” protecting her.

Lover is the only album she’s ever written about someone while being with that someone and without having any kind of protection. In rep she’s singing from another persona for half of the album, and in the other half she’s only ever singing about cute little stuff related to him. Plus she wrote almost all the songs on rep BEFORE news broke that they were dating. On folklore and evermore the EXPLICITLY autobiographical songs are VERY much about her/about cute stuff (lss, invisible string...). Even when they’re about something deeper, they’re about how HER problems influence the relationship (peace). The songs where she really sings about their problems from his point of view are all fictional (like cowboy like me).

She’s simply protecting her own mental health, their relationship and probably also him. With her last two albums she found a very balanced way to protect her own mental health and her relationship, with Lover she was still navigating how to do that, imo.

And anyway, Cornelia Street, Paper Rings, False God, Afterglow (and Cruel Summer, but I know you don’t think it’s about him) are all VERY detailed and personal. London Boy is not meant to be taken seriously, but it still has cute little details about their relationship (like the whole “so please show me Hackney, doesn’t have to be Louis V up on Bond Street” which mimics KOMH). Daylight, MA&THP and ME! are meant to be from her perspective from the very beginning. The only songs that really strike me as “distant” and “generic” are ITHK and everything in Lover apart from the bridge. But she wanted the latter to be a wedding song: that’s why she made the verses and the chorus generic enough so that everybody could relate to them in a wedding dance, and then she wrote an incredibly autobiographical bridge to show that the song is still hers. And about ITHK she said “Basically, I was playing around with the idea of quiet confidence. There's something so sick about quiet confidence; somebody who, they're not arrogant, they're not cocky, like, that's obnoxious. But, there are certain people who just walk in and they don't need to be arrogant because there's something beaming from within them that they probably aren't even in control of. And when you meet a person like this, you're like, 'Why do I want to walk over there and talk to that person?' I can't explain it, but I think it's this quality. It can be a really shy person, it's not like you gotta be loud. Some people just seem like they know who they are, they don't need to brag about it” and that SCREAMS Joe, so I think she very much had him in mind when writing the song.

Fair points and very eloquently argued!

One thing I feel strongly about lol because I’m such a simp for that song (like I know she meant for Lover to be a wedding song but this is probs gonna be mine if my future spouse agrees lol): I don’t think she sings about problems from his POV in CLM. I think that’s a very romantic song but obvi fictionalized. I think the only real deep dive we’ve had on how both parties feel or have felt is CI and maybe parts of evermore and I think that’s because they’re co-written I think he contributed his own ideas and feelings and thoughts.