#he's doing this bc klaus is too don't look at me >_>;

[hollowfaith]

✧･ﾟ:* PERMANENT RELATIONSHIP/PLOTTER CALL

hi have you ever been touched by an angel anyways you know the drill please like this post to give me permission to:

hop into DMs for plotting (short or long term)

send you starters/minis (with permission)

@ you or drop into your inbox

throw memes + headcanons about our muses

[insert stuff between us here]

as for relationships here's how aurelius would classify potential candidates:

𖤍 FRIENDS (derogatory 💔) - it's easy to be his friend even if you're just a lowly mortal, as long as you're interesting or different in some way. are you motivated by a goal or crippled by expectations? is something about you fundamentally wrong or broken? talk to him, he's a good listener and he loves to ramble, especially if it's philosophical discussions or chats over tea or advising someone after hearing their sob story (humans get emotional over the funniest things). he can't help the holier than thou attitude, but he's great at keeping his condescending thoughts to himself and treating you almost like a real friend! so there's that. most of his "human friends" fit here because of his superiority complex >w>

𖤍 FRIEND (affectionate 💖)* - unlike fake friends you get to be real friends if he sees you as an equal. the easiest way to get there is to be as cool and strong as klaus. or you beat aurelius himself somehow (but you need to convince him to accept the results first). please be okay with murder and cannibalism before you apply. he doesn't have any real friends (not even klaus) so you'd be one of a kind, which makes you special. but do you really want to shoulder the pressure of someone who knows too much for the rest of your days...

*(limited to 1 slot only for now, everyone else is just friends [derogatory] to some extent, alas)

𖤍 ENEMIES 😡 - be a demon (sorry angel prejudice here). ruin his suit one too many times (he believes in 3rd chances but no more). it doesn't matter if you're nasty or mean or sinful (those are interesting), the issue is trying to drag him in with you when he says no (those are annoying). trying to control him in anyway. trying to control or take klaus in anyway. generally getting in his way. not all enemies are kill on sight, most just get demoted to the friends (derogatory) category if they're a waste of time or get more of his time in return, because you can't stand him either and misery loves company.

𖤍 SERVANTS/SUPPLICANTS...? 🙏- do you like to take care of people. do you enjoy the freedom of following orders. are you okay with prostrating yourself at random intervals to offer prayers and praise to some self-entitled stranger. have you given up on life and just want guidance. OK, then submit your hand for the standard brainwashing procedure (a formality for now until it's actually unlocked) and let him look after you, you poor lost lamb.

PROS: he will come to your events in support (like a soccer mom) and protect you while looking great doing it too;

CONS: you're more of a possession than a person so your rights don't really exist (but that doesn't matter too much in normal life anyways)!

YMMV: no insurance package included but you do get complimentary healing/blessings against demons* for life? *this and all other perks pending unlock of abilities

𖤍 DEPENDENTS 🙇 - you don't actually worship him but you sure do rely on him a lot (mentally/physically/emotionally/whatever), and for some reason he humors you because he thinks it's fun. maybe you consider him your mentor or savior, maybe he considers you his pawn or toy. less expectations and responsibilities from both sides but you can still call on him in a pinch, you just won't be his first priority if he's busy. also, he's nice to you. always. because you're just that pathetic worth it. : )

𖤍 TRUE NEUTRAL 🤝 - you're not weak-willed enough to be used but not strong enough to overpower him, you're just there. maybe both of you have something useful (intel. chess games. recipes?) to offer the other and that's why you get along. you might help each other one day and stab each other in the back the next, but that's fine because you weren't friends (or enemies) to begin with, yes? good for...business associates/drinking buddies. less manipulation and minimum disdain (if any) here, there's polite indifference on both sides.

𖤍 "LOVE" RIVAL....? ?? 💀 - for the love of god if you like klaus or have close relations with klaus you are automatically on this list and need to get off it or get a lover so he can ignore you permanently. a better category than enemies because he doesn't try to destroy you on sight, but the guy sure knows how to smile and glower at the same time. danger level expected to increase after he actually starts developing the right feelings towards his "partner." perhaps you want him to remain oblivious indefinitely instead.

𖤍 ROMANCE 😂 - there's only one person he's obsessed with at the moment but if you one-sided crush him obviously enough he will take pity on you and give you token chocolates on valentine's and etc. so that you don't die of a broken heart (or embarrassment). it's only natural for him to have adoration from multiple sources even if he never returns those feelings, so if you're fine with treating him as some otome game boyfriend come to life with no real results he doesn't mind playing along. it's kind of a mercy for you to be loved this way, don't you think?

𖤍 OTHER 🤔- make up your own category lol

[lowkeyrobin]

Readerxfive where the reader gets their tongue split? (You know when it looks like a snake tongue because it's forked) his and family's reactions. Pls and thanks.

ooo okay okay ; also btw I just did this as a preference cause I could do a whole oneshot on this & it just kinda worked out better that way, hopefully that's okay! (these can be taken as platonic or romantic unless i made some kissing jokes lmao) ; I also do not know much about this so sorry if anything is wrong / incorrect ; thanks for requesting, hope you enjoy! ; also some are missing bc I don't rlly know how to write for them yet I apologize :((

TUA ; tongue split

includes ; diego, klaus, five, umbrella! ben, viktor, sparrow! ben, fei, & jayme

warnings ; language, mouth stuff / talk idk

disclaimers ; when I use the /p or /r it can be interpreted as platonic or romantic, romantic as yk cute in a romantic way or platonic in a "awe my sibling / friend is so happy" way

masterlist

DIEGO

"eugh wtf..."

he switches up rlly quick tho

"that's actually really cool"

he's so interested by it / wants to know everything about it

begs you to do weird tricks with your tongue since you kinda have two (in his eyes) now

"yknow I could've done that for you for free"

"and if you did it wouldn't have even been sterile. you haven't cleaned those knives practically ever."

KLAUS

"ooouuuu look at you, snake child!"

he's obv into alt fashion (kinda) / non gender conformity so he loves having a friend / sibling / lover who's super cool like him!

if you hold things in your mouth with it (somehow) he's watching

kinda grossed out but so intrigued by it

like it's not everyday you see someone with a split tongue yk?

"how did you not die doing that? you couldn't make me do that blacked out"

FIVE

silently looks at you like 😐😬😐😟

"what the hell? are you okay???"

even if you've been talking about wanting to get your tongue split for a long time, he's convinced you got it against your will

after realizing this was solely your choice of how you wanted to express yourself, his expression morphs to more of a 🤨😊🥰

he doesn't really understand alt fashion / body modifications but he's obviously supportive, as long as you're happy

he usually catches you rubbing your tongue over your teeth on both sides since the inside of your cheeks move some

"fun, huh?"

"yeah, it's cool"

UMBRELLA! BEN

thinks it's so cool since he never really got to do crazy teenager things when he was alive

he likes seeing you able to express yourself the way you like because you're your own person

lowkey proud of you for doing it since he knew you'd been wanting to for a while but you had to get the guts for it first

honestly kinda concerned that it hurts a lot or something cause for a while you can't stop messing around with your tongue

but it's more like loosing a tooth, you're okay 💪

VIKTOR

again, super supportive and thinks it's really cool

he loves seeing you express yourself the way you want too, it's really sweet

loves watching you move your tongue around in all different ways and shit lmao

"wait- do it again"

THAT LITTLE CHUCKLE.

for the vik lovers /romantic ->

"wait, what's it gonna be like to kiss you?"

"you wanna find out???"

"...yeah"

SPARROW! BEN

like Diego, repulsed for a moment

lowkey didn't realize what was happening for a second LMFAO

"oh wait, that's cool"

asks you a few questions and life returns to normal

but he finds you toying with the split tongue a lot pretty cute /platonic or /romantic

like you're so happy about it and he's just like 😊

FEI

"oo, that's nice. any aftercare you need to take care of? ill help you. you need some Tylenol?"

so nice lmfao

she finds it so interesting

she asks a handful of questions

also finds the messing around with your new tongue pretty cute /platonic or /romantic

she's just happy that you're happy man

lowkey wonders how different it is for you now, just in general lmao

JAYME

you're alike now kinda omg 🗣🗣

she's got snake venom, you got a snake tongue

she finds it so rad

little fistbump when she first sees "haha, nice dude!"

so obsessed with watching you do little tricks and move your tongue around

lowkey the cool older sister (or wise friend or lover) who encourages you to follow your little alt dreams because she kinda can't with being stuck to the academy

damn you reggie with that dress code...

she absolutely loves it tho

[ur-fav-inactive-writer]

𝐁𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 ____'𝐬 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐖𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐈𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞...

(A/N: Does not include Five)

𝑵𝒐. 1 , 𝑳𝒖𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 , 𝑺𝒑𝒂𝒄𝒆𝒃𝒐𝒚

girl next door trope

knew you ever since childhood

loves you to death

so soft with you

he's such a gentlemen

pulls out chairs for you and holds doors for you

butttttt you have to deal with his daddy issues

he always comes to you crying whenever something happens

a sweetheart with you though

he's very awkward at comforting you

he likes to cook for you

he's such a good chef ngl

he loves cuddling

he literally is always cuddling you

likes to be big spoon, don't get me wrong he needs comfort

but

the idea of being able to protect you by being big spoon is so validating to him

he's too big to be little spoon anyway

that is literally his one purpose

if he found you during the 60s or something and he had to leave you he'd never stop talking about you

"I miss (Y/N)..."

"(Y/N) would've liked this.."

"Luther, they're gone."

fml sobbing why did I write that

anyway his one purpose is to love and protect you

𝑵𝒐. 2 , 𝑫𝒊𝒆𝒈𝒐 , 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑲𝒓𝒂𝒌𝒆𝒏

very jealous

if he sees you with some guy who is flirting with you he will literally glare daggers into him

he will then proceed to walk over to you, sling an arm around your waist and pull you in for a kiss

he doesn't give a shit if anyone's watching

he talks shit about him siblings to you

"Luther thinks he's so much better than all of us-"

"Diego chill out."

oh my god when Viktor wrote that book

he

was

SEETHING

(no hate to viktor , viktor is baby)

the shit talk increased so much

he would not shut up about it

help diego would be such a simp for you

like I'm not joking

pure simp

in his eyes you are sweet innocent summer child who can do absolutely no wrong

stabbed someone?

pfft it was probably just an accident

he brings you to visit grace

omg it would be so cute

grace absolutely adores you

she always makes sly comments about how you and diego should get married

he goes redder than the colour red

he wouldn't tell anyone but he secretly loves the idea

he loves kissing your forehead

it's literally his favourite place

you and klaus are besties

he has to deal with you when klaus gets you drunk

"oh. my. god. im upside down."

"(Y/N), you're standing upright. we need to go home.

"... no"

he never gets drunk

fun squasher

he says his body's a temple

boring

youre his nurse

he always comes home injured and gets you to patch him up

he finds it hot

yes, he's bleeding out. yes, he finds you playing nurse to him hot.

priorities ig

he's so soft with you

would kill for you

he probably has

𝑵𝒐. 3 , 𝑨𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒐𝒏 , 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑹𝒖𝒎𝒐𝒖𝒓

(refuse to make her evil so s3 allison will not be mentioned)

definitely gets you an acting job in one of her films

she buys you the fanciest stuff

literally you two have the best closet

and you have your own personal stylist

bc why not

you do interviews with her all the time

fans absolutely adore you

there's so many paparazzi pictures of you two together and they eat it up

especially if they include you being doting to claire even though she's not biologically your kid

omg her fans would absolutely love that

so would allison though

if she saw you reading claire a story or smth

her heart would just melt

she might cry ngl

her two favourite ppl in the world just being adorable

you're the cool parent to claire

both of you go to fancy parties and are the hottest couple

"Allison! (Y/N)! How does it feel knowing you're America's favourite couple!"

you're so flattered

allisons just like: yeah ik lmao

she kisses you a lot in public

she knows damn well people are gonna get pictures of it but she loves it

you watch her films with her a lot

if its a particularly old one, you make fun of it with her

"oh my god allison. why do you look like that."

"IT WAS THE STYLE."

she then proceeds to also make fun of it

you, her and claire go on lots of fancy days out

you may as well considering you're RICH

luther gets a bit jealous sometimes

you help her with her therapy

you comforted her when she custody of claire

you also fought alongside her to get her back

as soon as you do you're happier than ever

you are literally just the cutest family ahdhahfhaj

but then she loses you again when she goes to the 60's

she made it her life's purpose to get back to 2019 with the love of her life and claire

as soon as she accepts that it could take years upon years to reunite with you and claire she finds ray

she knew you'd be happy

but she also knew

she'd never truly move on

omg help I'm gonna start sobbing why do I do this to myself

𝑵𝒐. 4 , 𝑲𝒍𝒂𝒖𝒔 , 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑺𝒆́𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆

you help get him off of drugs

ben adores you

he likes that you're there to help klaus

and that you don't ever drop to his level and just do drugs with him

he also likes how you never shit talk him when klaus starts ranting about how annoying he is

klaus is a huge fan of PDA

he is obsessed with the idea of holding your hands

he is constantly touching you in one way or the other

whether it be holding your hand

or simply having a hand on your leg

it matters to him

and that's why you love it

sweet baby boi has so much love to give

he likes being little spoon

he just loves being in your arms

it helps with his nightmares

diego also approves of you

you've saved him from having to go out and look for klaus in the middle of the night in fear he's high or smth

klaus rants to you every so often

quite often you have to help him through panic attacks

he loves you sm

like he is so lovesick

if anyone were to ever ask about you

oh boy

he gets this lovesick look in his eyes

and then starts rambling about how enamored he is with you and how great you are

it's adorable

he's very clingy but in the best way possible

he matches outfits with you

never a dull moment with you two

often it's you trying to solve whatever problem klaus has somehow managed to conjure up

and klaus just being a devious little shit

but it doesn't matter cause you love him

sometimes he questions why you love him

it makes you cry whenever he asks

"(Y/N/N)..."

you hum in response

"why do you love me...?"

sobbing and you start listing all the reasons

and then he's sobbing

and then you're both sobbing

but anyway

he loves dancing with you

he doesn't care what song

it could be some crappy pop song that's somehow in the top hits

or some classical music that's centuries old

he really doesn't care

he likes spinning you around

he loves seeing how happy it makes you

klaus asks you the most random stuff at 3am

"... (Y/N"

"yeah"

"lawyers hope you get sued, doctors hope you get sick, cops hope you're criminal, mechanics hope you have car trouble, but only a thief wishes prosperity for you."

"... go to bed"

"never"

you poor thing

you never get any sleep because of how chatty he is at night

he hates being away from you

if he isn't near you he will start whining to ben

𝑵𝒐. 6 , 𝑩𝒆𝒏 , 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑯𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒐𝒓

omg it took him ages to admit his crush on you

he's been crushing on you since you were like 12

when did he admit it?

when he was 18.

he likes reading to you

he loves seeing you get all relaxed at the sound of his voice

it makes him fall even more in love with you

he likes PDA but not that much

just a simple touch is enough for him

this boy blushes so easily

you'll brush his hand and he'll turn so pink

sometimes you'll just be sitting there doing nothing of note

and he'll be staring at you in adoration

he's in absolute awe of you

thinks you're the most adorable thing ever

much like diego

thinks you can do no wrong

you're his sweet, precious girl

he knows everything about you off by heart

from your favourite colour

to your mums favourite song

you thinks it's endearing

he loves holding your hand

playing with your hair is one of his favourite things to do

don't get me wrong he likes when you do it to him

but he much prefers when he does it to you

he finds it really relaxing

he's usually pretty closed off about his childhood but he trusts you

sometimes when something that triggers a bad memory happens he goes to you to rant

he doesn't know what he'd do without you

you're literally his life

omg

when you kiss his nose

he just melts

it's the most adorable thing

he's so good at cheering you up

no matter if its something minor or major

he's always amazing at getting you back to your usual self

he loves taking you on cute little dates

he reads you poetry he wrote

omg he deffo writes a piece of poetry about how much he loves you

omg help this is so cute

overall he's a simp

and it suits him

𝑵𝒐. 7 , 𝑽𝒊𝒌𝒕𝒐𝒓 , 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑾𝒉𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝑽𝒊𝒐𝒍𝒊𝒏

viktors a sweetheart

he gives you private violin shows

he also rehearses in front of you to see what you think

he tries to get you to critique him

if you don't play violin, you probably just say its all perfect

if you do, you probably give him little tips on areas to work on

you go on little dates to watch the sunset

he has to be little spoon

he just needs some comfort

just needs to be wrapped in your arms and feel safe

poor guy has been through so much

sometimes he gets mad memories of the incident with allison and you have to calm him down

he wouldn't get jealous

he'd just get rlly insecure :(

if he saw someone flirting with you he'd just get a bit sad

he would think the worst and think that you would want to leave him for them :(((

poor bby

opens up to you about how bad his childhood was

sometimes he regrets writing the book

you have to reassure him that it's okay and they don't hate him for it

sure, they did, but not anymore

klaus thinks you two are adorable together

you've got quite a few polaroids of the two of you together

he has them on those little string lights above your bed

he keeps at least one in his pocket at all times

he does that thing where you check if you still have something valuable and it's so cute for some reason

and when he checks and its still there it puts this small little smile on his face

omg it's just shfjsjfjsjf

you take care of him when he's sick

he hates it bc he feels bad that you have to take care of him

but deep down he loves it and will treasure those memories forever

but he'd do the exact same thing if you were sick

whenever you buy him something he always feels bad if he didn't get you something

"Vik it's okay! you didn't have to get me anything,"

"NO ITS NOT I NEED TO GO GET YOU SOMETHING RIGHT NOW."

it's absolutely adorable

Taglist: @book-place

[avo-gal]

100% following to get your reaction to the rest of s4 of Umbrella Academy. Keep up posted!

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!!??!??!???

First of thx so much! Now, onto my many complaints about s4!

Let's start positively.

The first episode was really good and refreshing. It set up a good idea for the season and how the characters have developed.

But then...

Lila.

They completely ruined her character she had pretty much no emotional connection to.. anything! Her part of the story in s4 was horribly written.

Including her family.

Seeing how important family was for Lila in s2 (particularly the end), it just doesn't make sense how she was so easily persuaded to leave them. Her and her Deigos' kids were also badly written (yes ik they were side characters) bc let's be honest, their kids should not be that normal.

It also just doesn't make sense for Lila to be a stay at home mum she's just way too (for lack of a better word) adventurous to stay at home all day. I have the same issue with Deigo being a mail man that job is just too boring for him, and they're both very well qualified for a much better job, so why!?

Five and Lila.

It is so disgusting and unnecessary no matter how you try to look at it. It also just doesn't make sense with the characters. Lila shows no interest in five at any point and vice versa. And looking back at s1 five, he cares way too much about family, especially Deigo, to do that.

Which brings me to my next point LITERALLY NOTHING IS CONSISTENT!!!!!! it's like the writers wrote a whole different show bc nothing matches up with the past seasons!! (No, I'm not giving examples. There are way too many)

The last episode feels very rushed. Idk how to really elaborate, but yk.

KLAUS.

Oh my poor klaus, what have they done to you.

I really wish they had explored his character more. Like, yes, he had a side plot, but it didn't explore his character it just gave him more screen time. He is my favourite! They had so much potential! Now, ik going from being immortal to mortal would be terrifying, but this is klaus, he wouldnt just stop wearing amazing outfits bc he's more likely to die he would still wear bright clothes and pokadot masks and shit. This brings me to my next point.

ALL THE OUTFITS ARE SO BORING.

Before, it was easy to spot most of them in a crowd (except for Viktor, which was intentional), but now the outfits are boring and general and don't tell you anything about the characters.

Also, they did Sloane so dirty they mention her once, then nobody cares! Luther loved Sloane so much ik he would still be grieving.

Also, they didn't think the story through bc if none of the academy existed, then neither should their kids, and this would cause another grandfather paradox!

Brisket Five was the only good thing in this season.

Thx so much for listening to my rant. I just needed to get that out. Some people explain these points a lot better than I do. Soz if some things don't make sense or are misspelled, I can't be bothered to go through and edit this.

[luluwquidprocrow]

sometimes a family is three orphans, their adopted daughter, one not-so-sad writer, and two triplets

frank, beatrice the second, the baudelaires, lemony, ernest, implied ernest/lemony

gen

3,598 words

In the grand tradition of all parents, the extended baudelaire family find themselves trying to pull a fast one. 

for @asouefanworkevent's woevember day 4, the hotel denouement! some rambling headcanon nonsense half-fic about post-canon family that i had great fun doing. my favorite thing in the whole world is post-canon babybea interacting with her absurd enormous family. i love them all so much.

okay. so bear with me here 

so i think most parents/guardians are at one point or another faced with Pulling The Ultimate Fast One on their children. this is related to Your Beloved Pet Died But We’re Telling You We Sent Them To Live On The Farm, but this version, in particular, is infinitely easier and harder. this one is The Switch. The Replacement. The Double. when the intrepid parent or guardian, under the cover of night, goes to the pet store to purchase The Exact Same Animal because the first animal had an untimely death. i will admit, this is the easiest with like, a goldfish, or something else small where you can usually get one that looks very similar. 

now, for babybea, it’s a pumpkin. 

so babybea (who is twelve at the time this story takes place), at the very end of september, carves a pumpkin, and she goes in with a VISION. she spends a couple hours on this pumpkin, carving an owl. It’s not, yknow, a realistic owl, but she adds a lot of tiny details, lots of lines for the feathers, and she carves a little mouse on the side too, and even gets the side of a tree in there, and the pumpkin carving kit the baudelaires purchased that year came with these little stick lights, to put in the owl eyes after carving, so it has orange eyes!! this is!!!! The neatest thing babybea has ever seen, and she is so thrilled with the results and very proud of this pumpkin. (for the record – violet carves a few pumpkins into a starry night with a moon, klaus carves monstera leaves, and. let’s be real. sunny bites a series of turnips into jack-o-lanterns.) (and then she stabs a couple white pumpkins into bigger jack-o-lanterns, for variety. all of them get different expressions!

sunny, arranging her carved vegetation on the baudelaire porch in order of emotion: perfect.) (no, i don’t know what order of emotion means. But sunny does.)

Then they all pile into violet’s car – pumpkin included!! – and drive almost an hour out of the city to the bildungsroman bed and breakfast. (frank and ernest decided, at this point in their lives, if they were going to commit to anything, it may as well be The Bit.) (it has a local reputation as a place with solid wifi, stellar bread, and great mattresses. The owners are considered minorly eccentric, mostly for the portrait they have in the lobby, of, just one of them. 

some impassioned yelp review: okay so the stay was great big recommend PLEASE try the bread but i cannot figure out the story behind the portrait in the lobby????? it's just one one of the owners?????? but I don't understand why bc they're twins and it's just ONE of them?????? and he's wearing this frog-patterned tie in the painting and when you see them like in person. neither of them wear the tie. what's the deal here 

the locals are sure it's not an ego thing, bc the owners don't seem to be self-centered or anything like that. In fact, if asked about the painting, both of them will say, “oh, that's a painting of my brother.” 

an additional yelp comment: I think. there's THREE of them  a third yelp comment: don't be silly, they're definitely twins.) 

frank and ernest have a very elaborate series of outdoor autumn decorations, with lots of pumpkins and mini gourds and hay bales over the front steps and corn stalks on all the porch posts, and babybea wants to not only show her uncles her hard work, but also put the pumpkin on their steps where everyone can see it!! 

(her uncles also include lemony, of course – I think he did live with the baudelaires for some time after reuniting babybea with them, but has recently moved into ernest's side of the private apartment at the back of the hotel. this was mildly distressing to babybea, who likes everyone she loves under the same roof, but she can't deny that lemony is very happy. and so is ernest. and now she can see all her uncles in the same place whenever she wants!! so the baudelaires tend to spend weekends at the bed and breakfast, because they also miss lemony. and they get to know frank and ernest better, which is very important to them, as people who are important to babybea, and to lemony, and, to the baudelaire's past.) (not to like, detract from the sentiment here, but i do need everyone to know that i imagine ernest spends like, 80% of his working hours just making out with lemony.) (okay maybe not 80%. ernest does legitimately get work done, it’s his hotel too. ………but like, a lot of time.) 

AND SO. the baudelaires arrive at the bed and breakfast, and frank and ernest and lemony are very proud of their niece's pumpkin. they take a lot of pictures. (re: my previous post-canon thoughts, frank has actually acquired a phone now, and does text. it is a flip phone.) babybea places it, very gently, on the third front step, and is so pleased. sunny steals two mini gourds while looking ernest dead in the eye. ernest approves. 

But october turns out to be unseasonably warm, and babybea’s pumpkin, while lovingly carved but now lacking the support an uncarved pumpkin has to keep itself A Pumpkin, does not take kindly to the weather, and babybea actually becomes very distressed at the smallest signs of rot beginning to form in her pumpkin, when it is only the second week of october. She doesn’t TELL anybody, because there’s not really much you can do about a pumpkin doing what a pumpkin does in warm weather, but she’s very upset. (almost uncharacteristically so. usually she’d say, oh, well that’s how it happens, and rather pleasantly move on, but lately, she’s been kind of. quieter than usual.) And frank, who spends a great deal of time at the front desk, closest to the pumpkins, becomes Concerned. 

now, in general, babybea’s family is like, pretty good at being realistic with her. She is of course an optimist, but still Aware of a great deal of the ways of the world, given her family, her upbringing, lemony’s books, her own adventures, everything. You can’t really shield this twelve year old from the ways of the world, even if that way of the world is, a rotting vegetable. All things have their time, and it cannot be stopped. Including seasons, and in-season foods. 

However. She put SO MUCH WORK into that pumpkin, and as the week goes by and the pumpkin starts to shrink in on itself, turning all of babybea’s work black from the inside out, those charming little glowstick eyes CAVING IN, and the baudelaire’s weekly weekend visit grows closer and closer, frank has been imagining her devastated reaction when she sees the pumpkin, and decides, He Must Pull The Fast One. he will re-carve the pumpkin, exactly as babybea carved it, replace the pumpkin, and no one will be the wiser. They get a little more time with the pumpkin, presumably at least until halloween, and his niece gets to see her beautiful handiwork as much as she likes. Maybe, you know, there is a little magic in the world after all, to make a pumpkin look so nice. 

(also, i think frank has. A shaky relationship with babybea, from his end. She loves him, as much as she loves everyone else in her family, and babybea herself would NEVER rank her uncles in order of how well she knows or admires them, but i, lulu vandelay, putting this together, have no qualms in saying she knows lemony the best, bc she has spent the most time with him, between trying to find him and both of them trying to find the baudelaires and all of them having lived together, and she’s rather deeply attached to him – ernest is very personable, and funny, so he’s easy to get along with – and she and frank both like tiny detail work, so they have things in common, but frank always seems very awkward around her. And he is. It’s bc he’s very nervous around her. Frank doesn’t think he’s good with kids. And he is usually acutely aware that in an ideal world, he isn’t the one she’d be spending her time with, that dewey would be so much better at all of this than he is. A better parent, a better brother, a better everything. Because dewey always was, to frank. but, dewey would probably want frank to do as much as he could for her, and would believe him absolutely capable of doing it, without a doubt. So he wants to be a proper uncle to her and THIS is his opportunity, he thinks. He so desperately wants to do something kind and considerate and important for her, like family is supposed to do for each other.) 

the thing about pumpkins, though, is that, for some reason, mid-october, THEY ALL DISAPPEAR. I’m serious, you ever try and find a good pumpkin even like a little over halfway through october? It can be hard. 

frank: i need your assistance. ernest: i’ve killed my quota for the month. frank: i – ernest, please.  ernest: alright, my apologies. What do you need?  frank: a pumpkin. lemony, from the kitchen: jarrahdale or red warty?  frank: no, i mean a carving pumpkin. 

The three of them take a good, long look at babybea’s pumpkin. Uncle Instincts Have Activated. They, very solemnly, bury the pumpkin in the back garden (lemony is the one who takes one for the team and removes the glowstick eyes from the depths of sad, sad pumpkin). And then embark on a mission. Please imagine the three of them packed into a mint green 1960 chevy corvette. Sunglasses optional. Who’s driving? That is up to you, my friend. Oh, google informs me it is cascade green. Imagine accordingly. (yes, no corvette has ever been made with more than two seats, but isn’t that just funnier? They really are packed in there. Lemony sits in the middle.) 

The hunt for the right pumpkin is long. Grueling! Kinda chilly! This is october!! Much comparison is made between potential pumpkins and the pictures they took of babybea’s pumpkin. Snacks are purchased. (lemony, who has recently been introduced to instagram, posts a picture of his pretzel. [ernest is out of focus in the corner, eating a chocolate ice cream cone.] [#pretzel.] 

sunbad: what is that lemonysnicket: I have purchased a pretzel sunbad: without me sunbad: you’re dead to me.) 

(it was actually not sunny who introduced lemony to instagram, although she was his first follower. It was klaus.) (klaus uses instagram mainly to never post anything ever, just to follow his favorite authors, so he wanted lemony to have an instagram, especially since he just moved out.) (klaus……..my heart………..) (oh, frank bought chex mix. he likes those gross rye bread pieces.) 

(don’t get me started on lemony with an instagram……….I think this is a hilarious but also heartwarming thought – this man who has avoided being photographed for years and years and years and YEARS (yes that much repetition was in fact necessary) is at a point in his life here he is not only comfortable of taking pictures of his life, but he is capable of doing it, he’s allowed!! It’s still probably mostly food and it’s so good!!!!!!!! and think of the amount of pictures he keeps just in his phone gallery, too!!! violet’s inventions and klaus’ library displays and sunny’s baking and babybea’s school projects and ernest’s record collection and frank’s breakfast spreads, and nature shots with lemony’s thumb in the corner, AAAAAAAAAAAA) (uh, anyway, these men are on a mission. back to the mission.) 

Eventually, they do find a comparable replacement pumpkin! Does it fit in the car? Lemony, by virtue of sitting in the middle, holds the pumpkin. 

They return to the bed and breakfast. Between the three of them, many different knives, and all of their photos, frank and ernest and lemony painstakingly recreate babybea’s pumpkin, down to the last, smallest detail. Including the little mouse and the side of the tree and the feathers and everything. (frank does do most of the work, because ernest and lemony very much see that this is important to him, but he doesn’t mind them helping, because, yknow. This is about family, and babybea is their family too.) (frank feels like he owes lemony a lot. for trying to set the record straight about their past. or as straight as one could try and set it, with what all of them did. for their niece. for making ernest happy.) (ernest deserves to be happy, with everything they put each other through. ernest thinks the same for frank, too.) 

(ugggggg if you told the three of them when they were so much younger that one day they’d stay up late recreating their niece’s perfect pumpkin masterpiece so she’s not upset about the passage of time………..) 

(who’s in charge of the bed and breakfast while all of this is happening?? 

ernest: mallory, you’re in charge. mallory, a twenty-two year old with a major in hotel management who runs the front desk when ernest and frank can’t: sounds like a plan. 

mallory has a deep respect for the denouements. meanwhile – 

mallory: so you’re lemony snicket. lemony: i am, yes. mallory: you don’t look like your photo. lemony: that’s my legal representative. he has a stamp.) 

meanwhile meanwhile – it is not necessarily about the pumpkin. 

For babybea’s part, she already firmly believes that there is some sort of magic in the world. Even at twelve. Especially at twelve!! Look, she knows it wasn’t magic that reunited her with her family, that it was her and lemony’s hard work, but she wound up with SO much more family than she expected, when she first contacted lemony. And like, that is what there’s magic in. this whole group of people who care about her and love her and want to spend time with her. Babybea thinks she has the best family in the whole entire world. (AND SHE’S RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!) 

But that is also babybea’s problem right now. She loves her family so much, and she loves having them, and it’s been a couple months but she is still not entirely comfortable with people she loves being so far away from her. Not now! Not when they’re all supposed to be in the same space, like they’re supposed to be!! And some kids at school have teased her, not so much about her puzzle-piece family but that she talks about her uncles so much. She’s just proud of her family and she loves them!! But middle schoolers are like, rude as fuck sometimes, okay. And they don’t even think they’re saying anything wrong, just offhand comments about how much she talks about them. They don’t even know anything about her parents, not really, but babybea starts to feel like, it’s the unspoken throughline in what they’re saying, why doesn’t she ever talk about them? Why only her uncles, her guardians? They’re her family, but – 

she feels almost guilty, that she goes through periods where she doesn’t even think of her parents at all, and periods where she can’t stop thinking about what they would look like and what they would be like, and that makes her feel like she doesn’t value the family she DOES have. So it’s not necessarily about the pumpkin starting to rot, what’s making her upset. It’s that, the pumpkin is another thing in a line of things babybea is Thinking about, things that aren’t Going the way she thought they were supposed to go. Her uncle moving out, missing somebody who was supposed to be there, her pumpkin not staying like it’s supposed to, she’s SUPPOSED to love her family but is she loving them right? Is she loving the right people right? Can you miss people you didn’t even know? And babybea has it very set in her head, the things she knows and is supposed to do – this is something she hasn’t quite worked on, but she’ll get to it eventually, she is still twelve – and they keep not happening like that. And now. Something else she worked really, really, really hard on, that isn’t going right either. 

So she spends the week a little gloomy about her pumpkin, and worrying the whole ride friday afternoon after school to the bildungsroman bed and breakfast. Violet and klaus and sunny are very aware of babybea’s mood, and try to cheer her up by asking her about what she’ll be for halloween, but babybea’s heart is not super into this conversation. (she has ideas about a big group costume where they’re all different local birds, but now she’s not even sure about that.) 

And then! She sees her pumpkin!! Glowy eyes and all!!!!! And, mysteriously, those little spots of rot she’d noticed the week before are gone, and, in fact, it looks a little sharper than it had before? And she didn’t think she’d cut the lid quite like that, but! That’s her pumpkin, exactly where it’s supposed to be!!! And it makes her feel just a little better. That’s good. That’s right. But she still can’t, entirely shake off all her previous feelings, about family. But. right now. Her pumpkin still looks very special. 

Later, babybea can’t sleep. So she sneaks out of bed and goes down to the lobby, and sits down on the floor in front of the front desk, and looks at the big painting on the wall, that ernest did of her father. 

This, of course, is where frank finds her. (because frank has never been very good at sleeping consistently, even when there’s nothing to worry about now, and he likes to walk through the hotel to make sure it’s secure.) 

(ernest would say something very clever, like, aha, with a raised eyebrow, but all frank says is – )

frank: hello, beatrice.  beatrice: oh!  beatrice: hello, uncle frank.  frank: may i sit down?  beatrice: yes, please. 

They spend a little while looking at the portrait.

beatrice: um –  beatrice: does it – 

What she wants to ask is, does it look very much like my father, which she then realizes is such a STUPID question if her father was a TRIPLET and she has a mirror image of him right in front of her, who acts like she thinks a father is supposed to act, so, but, it’s not like that doesn’t mean dewey didn’t look like dewey. Just because dewey looked like frank doesn’t mean he only looked like frank. And beatrice forgets, sometimes, that he would’ve just looked just like her uncles. But still! 

beatrice: i mean – the painting, is it – 

But she thinks it’s such a terrible thing to ask!! But frank knows EXACTLY what she means. 

(some time ago, when the hotel had just opened and ernest had just painted the portrait of dewey – 

ernest: i wanted it to look like him. And, it’s not like i, don’t know what he looks like. Looked like. I mean – that could just be me or you up there, couldn’t it. It doesn’t look like it’s him.  frank: no, it does.  frank, knowing exactly what he means and feeling like, he needs to make ernest Not look so abjectly miserable: you don’t look nearly as happy.  ernest, in tears, very amused and touched and still terribly upset: wow! 

The point being, god of course it looks like dewey. It couldn’t be anybody but dewey, even if dewey looks like other people. Dewey looks like himself, he looks like his family, he looks like beatrice, around the eyes. And family means lots of things. It means your guardians raising you, and your uncles raising you, and your father’s portrait on the wall and never knowing him at all, and loving so many people and being loved back by them, whether or not it’s Supposed to be a specific way, and sometimes it means missing somebody, sometimes it means missing different people, sometimes it means being sad for something you’re not sure if you should or could miss, sometimes it means not missing anyone at all, sometimes it means your uncle going to live with his definitely boyfriend even if they won’t say the words out loud who’s also your uncle just on the other side of your family and that doesn’t mean anyone’s going anywhere. Sometimes it means your pumpkin rotting, because things change. uh, does this make sense.) (admittedly, i put a lot of things in this.)

frank: yes, it looks very much like him.  frank: i think about him a lot.  beatrice: ......would he like my pumpkin? frank, without hesitation: absolutely. beatrice: do you like it? frank: i do.

of course babybea already knew that, but it's nice to hear. it's just. nice. it's not, like, everything? just like before. but beatrice is loved by a lot of people, and she loves them, too, and. she feels loved, right here, like she's supposed to, and that's what's Supposed to happen.

beatrice hugs him, and it's not the first time she's hugged frank, but it means more? frank hugs her back.

beatrice: thanks for fixing my pumpkin.  frank: i’m sure i don’t know what you mean, beatrice. 

beatrice hugs him again, and then goes back upstairs. frank looks a little longer at the portrait, and then goes to bed himself, and doesn't get back up until his alarm goes off.

[so-long-soldier-writes]

Lmao ignore me if u want but I have two questions

How would Kai be as a werewolf alpha???

And if he was a demigod like percy Jackson would would he be the son of???????

Here is a picture of our pookie as an apology

First of all, that gif is making me absolutely FERAL. Second, I want to bite him. [you have a lovely clavicle; i'm a neck person; that's just silly, you can't stop being a neck person] Third, you never bother me, I promise! I love answering these & talking to you through them (& comments)! I've just been so out of sorts lately with my home life and work life - both chaotic - but desperately have been needing to get back in the swing of things in terms of writing / posting / answering!

Now, to tackle these questions that have both brought hearts to my eyes... (and I was so excited, I made dividers to split them up)

tw: some nsfw (can I even write that on tumblr anymore?) on the wolf portion, but no warnings on the demigod part

#1 - werewolf alpha kai

FUCK

do notttt get me started on wolf kai; how the fuuuck have I not wolf-i-fied him yet 😭😭

okay. I had it down so bad for jacob in the great edward vs jacob debacle of the 2000s. I was OBSESSED with wolves / werewolves in general, too

funnily enough, I don't give a damn for the wolves in tvd. Tyler's fine. Hayley is fine in TO (not tvd tho lmao). The rest in TVD / TO are whatever; the ones in Legacies are HORRID

BUT wolf!kai would be sooo hot; alpha wolf kai especially, oh heaven help me

this man is already dominant & controlling, and with his SO, protective, but add that wolf gene and he's tenfold

he'd be an absolute menace... to damon, to tyler, to mystic falls in general, & maybe even to klaus... & to my ovaries...

starting off, let's just picture him as a wolf

i was actually thinking about this the other day... what if the actual reason that he was "an abomination" was if he had the wolf gene on top of the siphon gene somehow. like, joshua wasn't his real father, or his mother wasn't his real mother, idk, but joshua HATES him for it (kinda like klaus)

kai's childhood is the same - violent, abusive, isolated - and he ends up in the '94 PW the same way, but while kai shows damon and bonnie his ability to siphon, he never reveals the wolf part

when he gets back to the real world, he's going to have to transition again, bc he's no longer on a repeating loop of the same day, so he carefully plans for this

he makes sporadic disappearances throughout the month, so that no one ever catches on to him being absent on full moons

the only reason he's caught, is because [reader] stumbles upon him entering / coming off his transition, but lucky she's been crushing on him or is a wolf herself

if i were to write this out, this is as much plot as i've developed. i would add a bit in there, too, where she mentions klaus, maybe she has a connection to him, and they both can commiserate on their similar childhoods together

but that's all i've got so far; idk if i'm doing anything with it

regardless, wolfy kai!

SO

he'd be so much more temperamental & combative

if damon were to know, he'd be like, oh ffs not another one

but this gene also makes him stronger than if he were just a witch

imagine Tyler's fondness for fight picking + Kai's own flirty / cocky attitude + werewolf lore behavior + alpha behavior, and you've got a dangerous mix wrapped up in one very attractive man, i mean, just look at the gif

whether you're a wolf or not, he puts himself in charge of protecting you, even if you're quite capable of defending yourself

he has to have an arm or a leg wrapped around you, too, and is always on alert, even in his sleep

is also a very cuddly sleeper, is a big spoon, and will throw a fit if he can't sleep with you for some reason

when he's alone with you, he's his usual goofy self, and maybe takes a second to get himself under control in serious situations

but also as an alpha, still knows when to snap into his dominant demeanor when the situation calls for it

now... i've thought up several different scenarios where we could have wolfy kai... and since i'm me, i also have an nsfw section

...so here's that one first

breeding kink would be off the charts

especially as an alpha, where it's so innate, and if he has a pack, a desire to keep it going & keep it strong

and like tyler mentioned, "being horny all the time"

huge biting kink, but only if you're a wolf, too

play bites as a way to show affection, but bites during sex, too

bites in places visible to others; always marking you as his

again, dominant, and would be one to pin you down or keep a hand on your throat as a means of control

would be so into praising you, during & after, telling you how well you did & how proud he is (& how good of a mom you're gonna be jfdsnls)

on the flip side, i don't think he'd be much into exhibitionism / voyeurism because he'd want you all for himself & would not want anyone to see you in one of your most vulnerable states

however, if you were in a pack and someone was hitting on you & not taking any hints that you're taken, he'd probably engage it in to some degree just to teach that someone a lesson that you're his

wolf!reader x wolf!kai

when you're nesting, he's already getting excited. tries to stick his nose in your business, though, and several times, you've bitten his nose to get him out of your space, but he just gets more excited

when ~the time~ finally comes, he tries to control himself, but sometimes gets lost in the pleasure

you have to safeword somewhat often, which he always respects

and his aftercare is always perfect, regardless if you used the word or not

outside of the sexual realm, you are always together

it takes some time to sink into his stubborn head, but you protect him as much as he protects you, and he's very grateful for it

the two of you are your own little pack

and tyler is very jealous of it

eyes roll all across the room when you enter, because the MF gang is pre-preparing for the sass and stubbornness they're about to face; you compliment him well, much to their dismay

but on the bright side, he kills much less, and only threatens or kills if someone threatens himself or you

on a side note, i can see tyler trying to recreate your bond with liv, and her not wanting any part of that wolfishness

she will date him but she won't engage with that, especially considering tyler's wolf-associated anger issues, and kai being her brother who she wants nothing to do with

...but, she has to hand it to you for getting him under control & to her absolute disbelief that it could happen, loving him the way you do (jo, too, is practically astonished, however grateful - he is her twin, after all)

non-wolf!reader x wolf!kai

now, if you're a vamp, he has to be very careful not to bite

tricky during sex sometimes; difficult when you insist on helping him transition

it's much of a caroline x tyler thing; you refuse to leave him but he's terrified of hurting you

whether you're human, or a witch, or a vampire, he could hurt you, and the thought terrifies him

is insistent on a buddyship with damon or stefan, so that they can call klaus if an emergency ever occurs

both are reluctant, but are friends with you, and if something ever does happen, they'd hate for you to suffer, so they do

klaus gets involved & he and kai bond more than anyone would've anticipated

maybe kai reminds klaus a bit of himself - his childhood, his difficult relationships with his siblings, his fancy for one person in particular; maybe kai also reminds him a bit of kol, his own brother with a head full of sarcasm & jokes and a penchant for violence

although, if this is alpha!kai, klaus would notice that immediately and would have an, oh shit, this kid's powerful, moment that would knock him off his feet

kai might not even realize the strength he has, or he does, but doesn't let on to anyone that he knows how powerful he is

regardless of which, klaus knows he has to stay on his good side, and maybe he tells stefan to do the same for his own good

as long as no one becomes a threat, kai keeps his cool, but that alpha side comes out when he's protecting you or himself

and that, for whoever poor soul, is fucking terrifying

#2 - demigod parent

alright... first thought was Hades bc he's so dark & eerie

then I was like nah, way too much of a basic answer, just to tag anyone with a closed off personality and dark clothes as a Hades' kid (don't get me wrong, I love Nico, but in comparison, he & Kai are nothing alike)

Kai just doesn't have the personality of Hades' kids; he is way more than the dark witch he's made out to be by writers

he's extremely talkative, rather lively, & outgoing

ofc he's got that unpredictability & hair-raising ability to slink around like a cat without being noticed (i.e. stalking damon and bonnie for 4 months without their knowledge), but he doesn't scream child of Hades when we learn how talkative and touchy he actually is

so then, bc I haven't read PJO in 6 years, I did some research

Ares became a possibility... he's got some anger issues & is good with a knife

however, he doesn't seem like a child of war

most of his childhood, we can assume, he spent trying to avoid his father's anger & disapproval

sibling murder was the last resort for a depressed, distanced kid who was taught life didn't matter as long as the coven survived

and as vengeful and argumentative as he is, I wouldn't put him in a box with Clarisse, who picked fights 24/7

Hecate came to mind, but as a siphon, I think maybe not

if it was Hecate, he'd probably be outcasted by his half-siblings (and then I'd have to fight them, and it'd be a whole thing), so I took Hecate out of the choices

then, after more research, the obvious answer became Hermes

Kai is such a little shit

he's funny, sarcastic, and just seems like the guy to love a good prank

he's very smart, and can be manipulative if he wants / needs to be

his half siblings would more or less equal him in intelligence and personality, so he wouldn't feel the need to slice & dice them

(and also, doesn't Hermes have the most kids? bc his parents had a fuck ton of kids, so Kai would totally be used to having SO MANY siblings)

(plus unclaimed kids stayed in Hermes' cabin & Kai knows what it's like to be a family reject; they can commiserate)

not to mention, Luke was a child of Hermes, and I vaguely remember he went a little dark & crazy, too

granted, that could happen to anyone, but I can see Kai & Luke being like, hey, half-sibling, ~you're just as sane as I am~

now...

I also considered Aphrodite, and stay with me, bc he's so fucking gorgeous (I mean, again, look at that gif), and it would be cool to have a child of love with his emotions so turned off

imagine his father was so abusive (which he was), that Kai was so shut off when he got to camp

everyone shared rumors about his parentage; whispers of Hades circulated the most

but then it's Aphrodite who claims him, and everyone, Kai included, is shocked

for awhile, his siblings kinda outcast him & he's feeling it; he has definitely considered running away

but someone gives him a chance, maybe someone who feels equally unlike their godly parent approaches him & gains his trust, or maybe it's someone who doesn't like to see others treated the way his half-siblings are treating him

either way, he slowly opens up to them & begins to trust them; they return these feelings to him

with time, he gets fiercely protective & caring towards that person; he shows love in his own ways

eventually, his siblings start to see it & open up to him

once Kai realizes they're being genuine, he shows them similar attention, care, & protection

he might not be the typical child of Aphrodite, but his dulled emotions start to come through once he's given a chance & a safe space

... But as much as I love this headcanon, I say he's 100% child of Hermes. He just fits the bill completely, and I freaking love it.

[klausysworld]

omg hey how are you?? could you maybe do a klaus x gn! reader where reader is in love with klaus but doesn't feel like he'd ever feel the same way bc they don't feel like they're good enough for him

hii, im doing alright at the moment, lets see how 2023 gets though huh? still waiting my my klaus mikaelson 🙄🙄

Enough

Klaus mikaelson is the man i love, the man i will always love even if i cannot have him. Even if i am never enough for him. Even if he’s in love with someone else. Even if that someone else is my best friend Camille O’Connell. I can continue to love him from a distance like i have the past few years.

I know i am not blue eyed and blond like her, i may not be as well taught in psychology and i may not serve him drinks each day.

I am not enough for him because he has walked this earth a million times. He has seen sights far more beautiful then any person he could ever meet. He has loved far stronger people, braver and better but they did not love him like i do. Nobody could live him as much as i do. As purely as i do.

🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧

Sometimes i see you wonder into my room when you visit Cami, you will pick up my things and examine each item, every now and then you will smell them or move their placement putting them somewhere you like more and i will keep it there because you prefer it. Occasionally you browse my wardrobe and feel the different fabrics, i wear the ones i notice you like more when im around you. Sometimes you look my way and smile, sometimes you’re busy talking to Cami.

Something within me thinks that you could possibly feel something for me too but then i remember that i am a weak, insufferable human who always get’s in the wrong situations in inconvenient times and i cannot be good enough for someone as powerful as you.

So although i love you more than i could ever love anything else and i wish nothing more than to tell you, I would rather see you happy with my best friend who has blond hair, blue eyes and understands you im a different way.

this was kinda sad and im not really sure why it took this kinda turn? i could make another part if u prefer a happier ending or write another version :)

[whoslaurapalmer]

re : why the kids weren't taken anytime before the start of the series … !! but, why was sunny baudelaire born when she was? why did her home burn after her birth and not before it? we know siblings are typically taken together, and v and k (particularly klaus !!) would have been the ideal apprenticeship age … but i wonder if plans to initiate v and k were completely thrown off by the announcement of b’s pregnancy … hm which leads me to a slew of more questions ahhh !!!

yes!! why is -- AS TERRIBLE AS PHRASING IT THIS WAY IS -- this family allowed to stay together for as long as they do? with such a gap between klaus and sunny? why not take violet and klaus earlier? or did vfd try to, like the kids themselves speculate, and maybe b+b warned them off? (oh. i've got an old wip of that somewhere)

-related, i've brought this up before but b+b are the only ones of the sugar bowl gen to have children, and only the second couple to get married, after josephine and ike. (dewey and kit never marry, and babybea is younger than even sunny) there's a precedent for what vfd does with children -- a precedent for children of members, too (lemony and his siblings) -- but something about that stops in the sugar bowl gen. are they not willing to take the chance and have children of their own? but b+b do, and get away with it, until they don't. -the closest thing is maybe r, actually! i've always suspected r's family as having a history in vfd, and assumed r was in her late teens/very early 20s when her mother died and she became duchess (bc at the time lemony has a newspaper job). why go so long there, too? bc r's mother held important status? but, is the duchy even connected to vfd at all, canonically? (i think it makes sense if it is, but i'd have to look for sure) was r's mother's death even a murder? (idk, i've always thought it was. the way lemony says 'poor r!' makes me think it was unexpected. especially with a headline like 'duchess of winnipeg dead')

and that also leads to, of course, WHO set the fire and why now!!!

-bad beginning rare edition implies olaf was at the baudelaire mansion that day, but not that he set the fire -the kids definitely assume he set the fire, but even olaf doesn't confirm it -sometimes i think olaf set it. sometimes i think esme set it. could vfd have set it? (-i am NOT team 'beatrice set the fire'. i've never seen it convincingly argued, and no one ever brings up WHAT THAT MEANS FOR BERTRAND)

-and why now!! something has clearly changed or gone wrong, for b+b to die at the start of the series and no point before. what point of no return is hit that a fire occurs, that b+b are permanently taken out now (-despite canon evidence i am also NOT really team 'beatrice survived the fire') -is it related to whatever beatrice picked up from the financial district? that would have been not too long before the fire, and lemony says whatever she received made her realize things were far worse than she thought. whatever that was.........

-i am ending this ask with no answers. god i LOVE chewing on this series

[miss-americana-reputation]

Hi, you can do a second part of your imagination with Klaus, where the reader, after leaving Klaus, is at his best and Klaus suffers and begs him, I also want to know if he cheated on her or if she was just a guess reader, although I don't care, I just I want her to be happy and klaus to suffer for not having her and missing her and for being stupid

Back Off Bitch pt.2

Klaus Mikealson x Reader

A/N: reader uses she/her pronouns and has female anatomy

Angst with a happy ending (bc y’all said so)

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it’s nice, not having a psychopathic 1,000 year old hybrid boyfriend constantly following you around. of course he called but then it turned into calls and texts, then texts, we’re still at the texting part.

i’m stayed at the local hotel, and drinking at the bar and other ones littered all around the city. a lot of guys hit on me and i let them buy me a drink, without being yelled at by klaus or seeing their throats being ripped out.

“can we talk?” i hear that familiar accent. “niklaus.” i sigh. “give me one chance.” he begs. “you have until i finish my drink.” i say as the drink i ordered gets passed to me. “okay.” he responds.

“yes, i left in the middle of the night to go to cami. but i can promise you, i never slept with her or thought about doing that with her, i simply just stayed with her to calm her nerves. i love you, more than life itself. i could never do that with anyone. and i’m sorry if you felt like you were an after thought, i love you and i basically worship the ground you walk on.” he says.

“klaus.” i say softly. “be honest with me, if you ever have feelings for her, or anyone else, tell me.” i add. “i will but it won’t happen, i love you, for the rest of my life.” he promises. “i’m sorry if you felt like you weren’t important.” he apologizes and softly rests his head against mine.

i sigh as i feel him softly play with my hair. “i cut off cami.” he pulls back. “what?” i ask. “i cut off cami, i decided you’re too important to lose than her.” he smiles. “you’re such a charmer.” i softly laugh. “there’s the thing i missed.” he smiles. he orders himself a drink and we continue to talk like old friends.

at the end of the night comes the awkward question. “is this you taking me back?” he asks, unsure. “yeah.” i nod. “thank fuck.” he sighs and kisses me. “you do know i’ll spend my own life making it up to you?” he smiles. “i’d never ask for that.” i respond. “i know.” he says as he softly kisses me.

“where’ve you been staying?” he asks. “the hotel in the quarter.” i answer. “want to come back?” he asks as his hand softly rests against the small of my back. “mhm.” i nod and lean into his side.

the next day i check out of my hotel room and i go to the compound. i walk in with my bags to be basically tackled to the ground in a hug. “hi.” i smile and drop my bags. “oh, it wasn’t the same.” rebekah smiles.

“well, the city isn’t in flames, so it wasn’t that bad.” i smile. “surprisingly.” she adds. “sorry about my idiotic brother.” she apologizes. “it’s fine, we made up.” i smile. “gross.” she cringes. “not like that.” i smile.

“where is the man of the hour?” i ask. “probably killing witches.” she answers. “sadly, you’re wrong.” i hear his voice from behind us. “look who it is.” i smile. “happy to have you back.” he kisses my cheek. “that’s my cue.” she leaves.

“let me.” he reaches down for my bags. “thanks.” i smile and follow him back to the room. “now.” he says and hungrily kisses me, but also softly at the same time.

“klaus.” i smile. “hush.” he shushes me and continues.

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[ghoooooooooooooooost]

hi you're the biggest ossan fucker I know of and I've been curious

has there ever been a time you didn't like an ossan character? do you like all ossan characters by virtue of them being old men?

are there things that make even old men characters unlikable to you? if so like what are some old men characters that made you go "this isn't doing anything for me 😐"

do you watch/read/play new things mainly to find new ossan to enjoy or do you just enjoy the ossan that come along with the media that you're already interested in?

do you have a favorite/best ossans of all time list?

are all your favorite characters old men?

I won't mind if you don't feel like answering. thx for being interesting on my dash!

thank u for enjoying me being on ur dash *salute*

sometimes i just come across things that have an ossan in there other times i specifically seek things out that have an ossan in them

n yea there's been plenty i don't like

normally when a dude is unlikable to me it's for one or more of 3 reasons

he's too much of an asshole n doesn't have parts of his personality i like

he's annoying

i don't like his design

ex of 1: multiple ryu ga gotoku antagonists

ex of 2: that one dude they added into tristamp. i forget his name

ex of 3: some of the guys from eternal boys bc outside of sanada n daisuke they just look like. boys (lol)

some of my favs who aren't old men:

kafka hibino (he's an honorary one but he's only 32 lol)

jiro yamashita (again. i count him n he calls himself old but he's only 30 he just has an old soul)

shinano, atou n reiji from cell of empireo (they're all in their 20s)

aikawa n kaiman dorohedoro (they're 28)

klaus von reinherz from kkss (he's 28)

kabane from kemono jihen

satori komeiji n flandre scarlet from touhou

jojo part 4 josuke n okuyasu

lain

i don't have a list of the best geezers but Do know that kaburagi t. kotetsu is high up there if not #1

[liaa--qb]

why sudden hate on darklinas if team green stans rha*nicent, rhaegon ? Atleast Darklina was meant to be canon

Oh God🤦🏻‍♀️ !!!!!! Who is hating darklinas... moreover just bcz I mentioned them once😭 ( btw it was hated enough by it's author herself🤣 I can very much say that after wasting my time grisha books. sorry not sorry 🤷🏻‍♀️)

Before commenting anything some of u really need to read with open eyes n brain instead of ass.

I never hated darklinas or Darkling. I ship them too. Atleast book or whole story should be good enough to even hate or like any character first of all which it never had😑. Darklina is like very much any problematic random Ya bad guy and good girl silly ships u see on daily basis. Nothing more bad than any other Ya ships.

( LB n SJM are not even good writer. I don't like their work at all. Just over hyped to me. Honestly I still think how snb was not cancelled just after S1. If u have problem wf one of my post which wasn't even about them🤷🏻‍♀️ it's ur delulu headache buddy. I don't even involve with them much someone just asked me including Darkling's name that's y I replied... Btw I knew this would happen, bc If someone points one bad thing, all of them will cry their ass out.)

the point was something else n ur question is also wrong. Problematic has nothing to do with canon or non canon for ur info. Majority of YA canon ships are problematic but you can like whatever the f u want.

I never said that Rhaenicent is any healthy ship. Rhaenicent, Daemyra, alysmond , helaegon n majority of ships in hotd are problematic. It's just their Stans fighting is like one idiot jumping on another idiot.That's what I am always mentioning. That's just funny and extremely stupid to like one problematic ship or character n attacking on Stans of other problematic ships n characters.

Some of them shamelessly fight as if their life depends on it. It's really dumb honestly 😂. No one is stopping them btw they can do the heck they want to but also they should not even have problem if someone is pointing out their silliness that's it🤷🏻‍♀️. It's a free fandom ! Just bcz I mentioned some of TB Stans hyporcrisy once , idiots thought I am team green when I am srsly far away from this nursery kid color fight

Same way many of green stans also developed this stupid habit of making their characters as pure Angels just because of the changes done by the show itself which is rubbish instead of that they should really go for better storyline for every character. " Them saying no one should support TB after BnC is....😑" Like y ? Not saying that it was bad but bad things were done from both sides. Aemond n Daeron would have done way worse with Jace n strong boys if all their parents were dead honestly.

just like Alicent's anger on Aemond losing an eye was absolutely correct that same way Rhaenyra's anger was also justified, so would Helaena's anger as she and her children were having no fault in all of this

You can like the villian and their reasons for becoming the villain but I would not say they didn't deserve their death or punishment n I would not give any apology reasons ' like no he wasn't the bad guy or he wasn't a villian'. That's what I am always pointing but logic and GOT/FNB die hard Stans are never at same place 🤡

And regarding ur take one darkling or Darklina, I don't hate Darkling but ye he's not among my fav villians or any good written at all. Not only him, I don't like any single character from that book.

If I love Homelander, Klaus, soldier boy, Tom riddle, Rafe, Billy, Jerome, Roose bolton, Euron Greyjoy.., do you really think I would be anti Darkling or care fr him enough 😂 like these r just some tv screen villains I like but if I started talking about my actual favourite bad guys from Grim dark fantasy novels like Jorg ancrath n many more, Darkling would look like little twink infront of them😭

so pls think.. using your brain is not a big deal 🙏🏻

[briefpeachdinosaur]

any character you dislike for a reason that doesn’t really make sense but it makes sense to you?

I dislike damon from the vampire diaries, I watched it years ago and I was so sick and tired of him.

I also don't like his brother.

The only difference between damon and Stefan was that stefan apologies for his Actions (but like? Your still horrible stefan )

And everybody tries so hard to defent this mf just cuz he is good looking, mind you he is a horrible person.

And I don't care about his father wound I feel like that was added to give him an excuse to be like this but its first off its not an excuse ( its an expaination to why but he shouldn't use that to be horrible) it feels so forced It's the same with klaus he was soooo annoying and all the ppl were like "its bc of his daddy issues " WHO CARES? I SURE DON'T THAT DOSEN'T EXPLAIN SHIT!!!

(Is it obvious that I don't like tvd?)

And I also dislike zeke from aot. And don't come with me with "yeah he has daddy/mommy issues "

I do too and 50% of the aot characters do too.

He literlly enjoyed killing all these people on Paradies ( and after he sent his parents to the Paradies he was taken in by his granparents, is that correct or do I have it wrong in mind 😭?)

I also dislike annie like can she stfu respectfully? Levi and jean WERE SO RIGHT FOR GIVING HER SIDE EYE

And to all these ppl saying " you just don't understand her" please be quit too.

Tags! @viiper1

[grapecaseschoices]

I've decided to cheat and play Andy's bg3 run even though I have fifty tavs still in the beginning/middle of act two [and two still in act one]. Alas! Curiosity kilt me.

I love how - I say like I [who am his writer] didn't predict this - straight up Andy doesn't have time for any of it. He searches as far as his eyes can see, he will stop and loot but he won't scavange the entire area. I think it might differ a TAD when he's not in imminent danger. But Nautloid stuff begs one to run. So there's no stopping to read slates or books or whatever. But I have him take them as he goes, because that feels Andy to me. The information is good to know -- but not NOW. He's pragmatic about it. His looting is the same. He doesn't look for every body lying on the ground but what he can reach, in the moment. I feel he won't have too much but what he needs - and maybe a bit then some to sell - in his inventory. And he'll probably focus on using money than supplies/equipment to buy stuff he needs when it is time to barter.

I feel that's gonna leave him kind of poor in this [and also missing out on lore needed for puzzles]. So clearly Gale will NEED to be in his party because I feel Gale is a hoarder. Then again -- I don't think Andy .... would do what was needed to get Gale. So. *insert grimace emoji*

Like, I had thought for sure he would find the brain in that dude's head and maim it, then make use of it. Because that is such a Klaus/Marcel thing to do and they inspo Andy. And I think if he had SEEN the situation in front of him he would have moved forward with that. But all he had going for that circumstance were the words "we are trapped". He doesn't know what he's going in with. And while technically not know who "we" is and if "trapped" is true could an opening for future vulnerability, the more pressing situation is the sinking dimension-hopping ship. [Which is a note for ME who once thought andy was an intuitive rather than a sensing, bc of reasons. lmao. he ain't. clearly. i mean we shall see but idts]

Fun fact, he didn't even HEAR shadowheart so there was no opportunity to turn his back on her [Like I thought he would]. He just ran closer to the front of the ship. Because the focus is getting out of the ship. [I wonder if this'll change the interaction with first meeting Shadowheart at the beach/the crypt.]

[Another fun fact. That was my shortest EVER 'wake up in pod, head to helm' run with a Tav ever. Goodness. Collecting companions will be so much fun with this one. She says. Sarcastically.]

[malka-lisitsa]

Hey, I respect you highly as Katherine. You have her down better than anyone else, but Katherine writers don't get a say on Klaus. Especially you. Katherine writers are going to have a exaggerated view of Klaus because of what he did to her. I very much so think you are amazing and flawless as Katherine but you don't get to talk on Klaus' behavior. You see him like she does which is admirable for writing her! But it voids your right to talk about what he would and won't do. Not hate, just truth.

You know I read this several times over and I just-

First of all, thank you I guess for the compliment that was nice- but I think routinely writing both Katherine AND Elena, i've proven I can write a character without favouring the other. If that were true, Elena wouldn't shit on Katherine NEARLY as hard as she does when I write her. Elena says shit I would never say in reference to Katherine- but I write them bc its coming from Elena, and it's in character.

I don't just say shit out of my ass you know, I put a lot of work into understanding characters, especially ones that are crucial to my character's back story. If I make an accusation or a claim about a character it's not something I pulled out of thin air, its something I've come to a genuine conclusion for after I've spent some time looking into the character.

Granted, I have not seen past S1 of the originals, I will always be the first to admit that, and I will always be the first to state that I am well aware that TVD Klaus and TO Klaus are at two very different points in his life. However TVD Klaus CAME FIRST and he is a HORRID monster. You can't just erase that bc he did good later on and redeemed himself. Especially in the timeline where a thread takes place IN TVD.

So maybe I have "voided" My right to talk about TO Klaus, which is fine again- I never claimed I was his expert, but I've put a decent amount of work into understanding TVD Klaus and NOT just in relation to Katherine. I play Rebekah, Elena, and Tatia too.

I'm really glad you enjoy Katherine so much, but coming in here and telling me who I do and don't get a say in talking about behaviors "Voids" your comments about respect.

Also to finish this out, Katherine has to understand Klaus to know how he thinks. It's the only way she's lived so long, by being able to think like him and avoid/act accordingly. TO think like him she has to understand him and his behaviors. So really, writing Katherine as well as I do like you said means I actually have a lot of say.

I do so hope you have a good day, Anon.

[conduitandconjurer]

I’m getting a sad vibe from Klaus this season, looking at his expression in that picture, his posture, and the way he moves in a short video posted by Netflix (I’ll add a link to some gifs at the end), so while I’m definitely worried about the writing I could still see Robert Sheehan being genuine in his performance. It’s not much but I’m holding on to that for now.

Also, this might be an unpopular opinion but I do like how different he looks because it makes it harder for anyone to pretend there’s nothing going on with him.

Gifs: https://www.tumblr.com/brellygifs/741151405411368960/the-umbrella-academy-season-4-first-look

I think Klaus has always contained a certain fragility that speaks of sadness, even when he thinks he's nonchalant, drifting and content. I think that tension between truth and performance is one of the most interesting components of his character.

That said, I do see what you mean, and a drastically changed appearance is, I realize, consistent with his attempts to cope with shit he doesn't face. Every season, he has looked significantly different, often in order to blend in and therefore take the path of least resistance (one of his best-developed survival skills, which a lot of fans seem to scorn as laziness or cowardice, frankly revealing their inexperience with properly recognizing and processing trauma...but I digress). I think the hair would work better for me if they'd let it stay curly/spikey as in season one, but it's interesting to me too that rather than seem healed (even with his world-reset detox), he looks more like he did as a child and teenager than he ever has. The short straightened hair both de-ages Robert Sheehan's appearance, and resembles Klaus's hair as a teenager still firmly under Reginald's control (yes, even when he lashed out, got high and defaced parts of his bedroom).

Non sequitur but it also looks a lot like Viktor's hair when Viktor transitions, so I'm wondering if that alludes to some storyline parallels (letting go of their closeted queer lover from the 60s, being OP and not knowing it till way later because their father is evil as fuck, feeling alienated bc of said powers from their siblings, dropping guilt/baggage and reinventing themselves).

Maybe he's returning to his roots and starting over phoenix-style. I hope so. I know a couple ways his story could end and they don't appeal, but that's probably something I should be braced for regardless. This show isn't known for resolutions, happy or otherwise.

[kirythestitchwitch]

for the fic writer asks, 6, 11, 25 & 29

have a wonderful day <3

6. Are there any fics from others you reread all the time?

Oh my god, SO many. So so so many. I could not list even a small portion, we would be here all day. And not even in this fandom, I have other fandoms that i lovingly go back to occasionally and just go through my faves from time to time just to experience the feels again. I am a HUGE rereader. Once a fic makes it into my rotation it stays there.

11. Do you have specific playlists for writing fics?

Answered that one here, basically lol.

25. Have you ever upset yourself with your own writing?

Are we talking like "This isn't working and I don't like it dsjafhah!" upset or like "They're sad and it's horrible waaaaah!" upset? Bc i am number 1 at least once a week lmao. And yes, i am currently avoiding the part of Stellar Flare i have to write bc they are having an argument and i don't like it and it's making me sad but it's needed for the Plot! I really need to get over it and write it bc it has been a YEAR since i posted the first chapter to that fic and not that more than five people are interested in that fic (this is not me being self-deprecating, this is just me being aware that scifi isn't really this fandom's jam it's fine) it's fun and i get to play with Tropes.

29. Share a bit from a fic you’ll never post OR from a scene that was cut from an already posted fic. (If you don’t have either, just share a random fic idea you have that you don’t plan on getting to.)

I don't really write things i don't plan to post, and i rarely end up cutting more than a paragraph or two. How about a snippet that is so far in the future that it has nothing to support it?

Necromancer!Caroline:

"A doppelgänger, you let a doppelgänger get the drop on you?" Caroline crossed her arms, cocking a hip for emphasis as she stared down Kol’s ghostly visage.

"Caroline, darling! I always knew I'd end up in your capable hands." He waggled his eyebrows with a leer and she huffed.

"Don't try to change the subject. A doppelgänger, really?"

A disgruntled look flashed across his translucent face. "Did anyone happen to mention, while they were speaking ill of the dead, that there was a hunter there?" He glared at his brother, who's intense expression from before had been wiped clear.

Instead, Klaus lips held a veneer of a smile over several lifetimes of annoyance. "The hunter was seventeen, Caroline."

"A teenager? Kol, that's just embarrassing."

Indignation was rising in his face, and if he'd had any other color to the soft green glow of his form, he'd probably be flushed. "He had a little spray thingy, with vervain water," Kol whined, miming pulling a trigger. 

Caroline stared. "A squirt gun?"

Kol's lips twisted a little in thought. "Maybe? Came out of the sink, with a hose."

There was a pause, and then Caroline practically yelled, "A spray faucet? You got yourself killed because a kid too young to vote turned a spray faucet on you?"

"I was trying to avert an apocalypse!" he said indignantly, "I had a lot going on that day."

"I'm going to bring you back again just to kill you myself," she muttered threateningly.