#he's crushing on multiple unattainable girls good for him | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

yackers · 4 years ago

Text

Why Jerome Cheating Wasn't Out of Character and How It Actually Developed Him Further as a Person: an unproofread rant/essay by a bitch with too much time on her hands

okay first I just wanna talk about the circumstances round him cheating. Like he definitely could’ve made better choices and in no way am I saying he’s not to blame but he and Mara were very much broken up when he first started dating willow. Jerome was being a dick in the business competition, but it wasn’t exactly a break up forever kinda mistake. He apologised multiple times in varying degrees of big gestures, to which mara did not respond to or make any move to forgive him. Sure, a lot of this was to do with the sisterhood but it’s not like he knew that.

I think he only went for willow because not only did she help him with his schemes without question, she was also willing to take the punishment all in good fun. In no way were they right for each other but she messed around with him in the costume closet and had fun with her the way he never did too often with mara without being interrupted by mick. Mara then, a while after ignoring his various attempts came up to him and told him she’d forgiven him and they were now back together. He definitely should’ve just told her there and then that he had kissed willow, but he was already starting to question their relationship and honestly I still think it would’ve crushed her.

I think that Jerome only ever wanted to be with mara because he put her on a pedestal as some perfect unattainable girl. He pined over her for years before she showed interest. She was sweet to him and treated him as a human with feelings when the others often wouldn’t but I don’t think they were ever right for each other. They were cute in season 2 but although she helped him with his dad she constantly overstepped with him and poppy and always held a sense of righteousness over him like on donkey day. I think especially once they were in a relationship she expected him to be a different person for her in ways that would change who he was. He looks visibly uncomfortable with the nicknames and is constantly shown to be at her beck and call in a way that is less playful in comparison to season 3 Alfie and amber.

The whole trying to then get away with having two girlfriends whilst he makes up his mind on who he wants to date therefore makes perfect sense for his character as in truth he doesn’t actually wanna date either of them. Willow is fun but not serious and mara is serious but not fun. willow and him was only really ever a fling, as shown by how quickly she moves on. And Jerome is literally an asshole it would be unrealistic at this point in his development for him to handle the situation maturely and lay his feeling out to them because he barely knew what he was feeling and he is self identified sneaky. Are we forgetting that he used to manipulate Alfie for money, literally broke up mick and mara and consistently just makes the worst choices readily available to him. Yes he did gaslight willow and lied to mara but it’s nothing he hasn’t done before and was presently above doing again.

Joy being the one to find out first and see the comparison table is important to her relationship because there is all the worst parts about his character laid out on a platter for her. I think often mara completely avoided seeing how cruel and insensitive he can be at times and thought the others exaggerated it which is why she took the cheating so hard because she didn’t see it coming. But joy knows he’s flawed right from the start of their relationship, including his taunting of her near the beginning of the season. They also have a lot more shared experiences as shown during the ceremony scenes at the gatehouse. They’re both actively mad at each other but yet still come together against Alfie and Patricia and then the teachers. Mara never knew about anything Jerome went through in the first two seasons but joy did.

A really key part of his character development is when mara makes the cruel comment about his dad. I think if anything it shows how wrong they were for each other. Joy’s speech about being the bigger person is a turning point for him. Like mara, she wants him to be better but she says it from the perspective of someone who acknowledges that they too have done shitty things in the past. I think the ‘if you can bare it’ is important too, because she’s acknowledging to him that being a good person isn’t easy especially for people with upbringings and pasts like theirs. I think for the first time he actually feels understood. The ‘my lady’ scene confirms this.

Joy never requires him to be too mushy and vulnerable to her publicly. She’s playful and jokes around and anything sweet he says to her he says because he means it, not because it’s something he thinks she wants to hear. Their letdown washing date it so key to his growth like he’s able to joke around with her in a space where he can also freely talk about his dad and his insecurities about being allowed to scheme and be himself without having to be cold hearted because of it. He tells her she’s a good listener because he’s being heard without anyone looking out for poppy or his dad or the greater good over his own feelings.

One of the biggest signs he’s changed is when he knows that the play is a plot to embarrass him and takes it on the chin, admits he made a mistake and just hopes that it helps mara move on. And he just seems so much more into joy than he ever was anyone else, he even says it!! Unlike mara he isnt following her around like a puppy and doing as he’s told he gets distracted by her as she walks in the room and calls her names and is just!! I think the show is so good at writing couples that don’t have to be mushy and all over each other to show they care and mara is right they are kinda perfect for each other. They both have made mistakes in the past but they’ve grown up and there isn’t an unequal balance of a bad guy and a better girl who wants to fix him. He’s respectful of mara and backs away from joy around her without taunting and fighting back like season 1 or 2 Jerome definitely would’ve. He changed for the better organically on screen and I think his arc was done really well. You can tell by the way he he cries when he overhears about the revenge plot how much he really cared and he broke up with her to protect his own feeling but as soon as he realises that her feelings were genuine he tries to get her back. Not in flashy empty feeling gestures like before but by expressing how he feels.

Im not saying he didn’t develop a lot over the course of season one and two and that mara didn’t play a big part in that development but I think to truly be better he had to take a step back from pretending to be perfect to get the girl of his dreams and actually take the time to work on himself.

And in terms of the cheating/revenge plot line itself it had to be something big and time consuming this season that took up all the characters not involved in the mystery’s time whilst also giving them their own arcs and stories within it. sibuna were literally soulless for a portion of the season which could only work if they were distanced from their close friends outside of it like Jerome and joy because they were far too wrapped up in their own shit to notice. And they’re teenagers! Of course trying to date two girls at once and orchestrating the plot of John tucker must die is a dumb bad idea!! But so is literally every other thing they do in the show because they’re naive and half of them were left there by their parents to rot and have been kidnapped in the past of course they’re not rational!! I actually found the whole sideplot an entertaining break from the darker themes of the third season and throughout the whole season you can feel the characters are 17/18 instead of 15/16 like in the first season, there’s gonna be more romantic motivation to their actions.

In conclusion/ TLDR: just because a character makes mistakes doesn’t mean they lost their development or they were out of character. Interesting characters aren’t good people all of the time and thats what makes it entertaining.

#I have not read through this #sorry its soo long #this is NOT meant to be mean to anyone who disagrees!!#you're entirely entitled to you own opinions this is just mine #please feel free to add on #house of anubis #txt #s3 watch #jerome clarke

81 notes · View notes

lottiebagley · 4 years ago

Text

Snow covered courtyards- Oliver Wood

When he'd asked her to the ball he'd been certain she would say no. They'd been friends for a while but never particularly close, simply in the same year and house and therefore knew each other through mutual friends.

He'd always thought she was kind of unattainable, she seemed to always look perfect, she was smart and funny and kind and top of her classes. He never knew why but she always avoided Oliver a little, he spent nights laid in bed listening to Percy's snoring and racking his brains for any reason she might avoid him, an insult from years ago, a history between him and one of her friends but nothing quite came to mind.

It wasn't until a few weeks before the ball that he realised that maybe the reason she avoided him was because she wasn't quite as unattainable as he'd thought. He'd laughed at first when his best friend shrugged that she probably just had a crush on him, mouthful of cereal and a slightly bemused look on his face.

After that conversation he slowly allowed his brain to convince himself she just might like him back. After all why else would she blush when he catches her eye? why would she go to every quidditch game no matter how awful the weather? why would she giggle a little with her friends when he passes?

And so, Oliver Wood let a little spark of hope light in his heart and he began to plan how he would ask her to the ball.

He thought about asking her after they won a quidditch match when he was high on adrenaline but he didn't like the idea of being muddy and sweaty and with the fucking Weasley twins, their relentless teasing playing in his mind before it even happened.

Next he thought about making some production out of it in the great hall like he'd seen a few other people do, but he knew she'd hate being the centre of the entire school's attention.

He contemplated asking her at a party, figuring some liquid courage might make the prospect of asking his dream girl on a date a little easier, but didn't want her to think it was some drunk decision.

He settled on approaching her with a bouquet of flowers and just asking it, after all, he knew he was a good looking guy and most people found him charming if not a little intense. What he didn't think about though was that most people didn't make his heart beat too fast, his hands go clammy, and his words come out a stuttering mess.

Oliver announced to his friends one morning that today was the day he'd ask her out, they'd grinned widely, given him a pep talk, mocked him a little for his nerves and sent him on his way and Oliver had every intention to ask her out.

It was then that Oliver learnt the age old lesson.

Girls travel in packs.

No matter how hard he tried she was surrounded. Between classes, at meals, in the common room, christ even on her way to the bathroom. Whenever he saw her she'd have a gaggle of girls with her all of which would eye him with curiosity and smirks when he attempted to approach.

It took Oliver a further three days of attempting to catch her alone, his friends seeming to find the entire situation funnier by the hour, before it had happened. He'd caught a glimpse of her with Cedric.

Oliver Wood hated Cedric Diggory, hated that he was so often compared to him, hated that he had swoopy hair that made girls swoon, hated that he too was a good quidditch player. His newest reason though to despise the boy who showed him nothing but kindness was that he didn't clam up around her. He talked to her with ease and made her laugh.

If he'd done a little digging, Oliver would have easily found Cedric was a family friend and she viewed him like a brother. Through exasperated mutual friends sick of both their pining he'd have probably also learnt she had a massive crush on Oliver and had turned down multiple boys in the hopes Oliver would ask her to the ball.

He didn't dig though. Instead he scowled in the direction of Cedric and her, they were laughing by the quidditch pitch as the Hufflepuff practice ended and the Gryffindor's arrived for their own. She had been on her way to the greenhouses to grab a book she'd accidentally left there when Cedric had jogged over, unknown to Oliver actually asking if the Gryffindor had plucked up the nerve to ask her out. She had brushed her friend off, thinking it would be a miracle for Oliver Wood to fancy her back.

"Hurry up Wood, she's a good one, she'll get swept up all too soon," Fred smirks as he passes Oliver on his way into the changing rooms.

And with Fred's words in his mind Oliver grabs the bouquet of flowers from the office and marches towards her, Cedric spotting him coming and quickly taking his leave.

"Hi," He calls, cursing himself for not thinking to say her name when she doesn't even turn around, not used to him approaching her, "Hi-Y/N,"

She turns then, still clad in her uniform, hair blowing in the light wind and a small smile on her face.

"Oliver-uh-hey," She blushes a little as she falls over her words

"You're a really hard girl to get on her own," He comments. Fucking christ why does he sound like a stalker? The question spins in his mind but she seems to not think anything of the comment, instead blushing a little

"Oh- my friends and I are kinda inseperable," She shrugs lightly, not wanting an awkward silence so instead opting to ramble "They only aren't here now cause they are busy. Meg's at detention, Ali's with her boyfriend and Katie's tutoring some second year in potions. I'd have waited for one of them to be with me because honestly I kind of hate walking alone- not cause I'm weird or un-independent or any thing, I just, well I get a little anxious and feel like people are staring at me and-" She silences herself, suddenly coming to her senses and realising how crazy she's making herself sound. "Sorry,"

"Don't be. I think it's cute when you ramble," He admits, blushing as red as his quidditch robes when he realises what he's said.

"Did you need something or have I just embarrassed myself over a polite hello?" She questions, he chuckles a little making her feel mildly less uncomfortable.

"I was actually wondering if you wanted to go to the ball?" He questions. He feels a weight off his shoulder's once the question has been asked. Like suddenly even if she says no at least he could tell himself he tried.

"With you?" She questions, she realises she probably sounds more idiotic by the second but can't quite convince herself to believe her long term crush would actually ask her out.

"Uh-yeah," He's taken aback by the question and feels stupid for even thinking she'd consider it and suddenly the even if she says no bullshit is just that, because shit if the girl in front of him with wide eyes and a nervous smile doesn't say yes he thinks his heart might break in his chest.

"Like a date?"

"I was hoping,"

"I'd love that,"

Oliver feels like the luckiest person on earth. Watching as she blushes a little, but her smile is wide and god if he doesn't want to kiss her right there.

"Great,"

"Good,"

"Cool,"

"Yeah,"

Neither of them is quite sure what comes next and the interaction seems to run even more awkward. "You'll pick her up!" Oliver rolls his eyes at the sound of George Weasley, although thankful for the prompt, she blushes, peering behind him to see the entire Gryffindor quidditch team watching them.

"I'll pick you up," He confirms

"Right," She nods

"At 7? Outside your dorm?"

"Sounds good,"

"Okay," He grins brightly, still thinking this entire thing is his mind playing some cruel tricks on him.

"So you should go, your team awaits," She reminds, he nods, partly wanting the interaction over before he can make even more of a fool out of himself or ruin something before it even has a chance to start and partly wanting to live in this moment of pure joy for the rest of his life.

"Right, so I'll uh- see you at the ball- and- uhm- around before obviously," He stutters a little

"Great, I'll see you in both those places," She confirms, realising only after she's spoken how idiotic she sounds.

"The flowers Wood! Christ you're bad at this!" Fred shouts

"Always thought he had game," Harry comments

"We all did kid," George agrees.

"Sorry about them," Oliver apologises

"It's okay," She smiles gently, waiting patiently as he stands staring wondering why her eyes are flickering from him, to his team to his hands and-

"Oh right, these are for you," He confirms, passing the bouquet over and grinning when she blushes a little

"Thanks Oli,"

"Any time," He nods

When she pulls open her dorm door Oliver is certain time stops.

She looks like an angel, her makeup perfect, hair flowing in curls with a small section pinned back as to see her face clearly, Oliver is certain nothing else has ever looked as beautiful. She's dressed in a golden gown that shimmers in the light and makes her look like a princess.

"You- I mean- it- you look beautiful," He stammers over his words and his face goes redder by the second but she smiles at him

"Thank you Oli," She smiles up at him and when their eyes meet both of them feel their hearts hammering in their chests.

"You ready?" He questions, she nods, smiling when he grabs her arm in his and they walk together to the hall.

The hall looks like something out of a fairytale. Seeming to glow an ice white, lined with glittering trees and a glance at the ceiling showing a sky full of stars that gleamed in the air.

"You want to dance?" Oliver questions, eyes falling to the already slightly crowded dance floor, the students dancing to the waltz that plays.

"Think you might loose a foot if we try," She admits, glancing at the girls who swirl around the floor effortlessly and feeling a little self conscious she can't do the same.

"It'd be worth it," He grins, pulling her along with him.

"Hey Oli?"

"Yeah?" He questions as they come to the edge of the dance floor

"These heels are really high. Please don't let me fall,"

"I've got you," He assures, smiling when he notices her physically loosen the panic in her eyes dissipating.

It takes them a few stumbles and a couple of toe treads but eventually they pick up the dance. He watches with a grin as she stares at her feet in focus and with time, and a few glasses of the punch Fred and George spiked, she relaxes, feeling at ease in his arms and becoming more comfortable with the slightly confusing dancing.

Oliver whispers commentary about the ball that makes her laugh and he loves the way she talks with such excitement that he can't help but follow along with every word. He's pretty sure in that moment he could die happy and she's almost certain this is the best night of her life.

As the minutes tick into hours they become more and more comfortable with each other, sure there's still an awkward teenagers with crushes layer to the conversation, but they learn they have a lot in common and find it easy to make small talk that they both actually enjoy.

"Do you wanna go get some air?" She questions at around 11, the dancing has changed from formal waltzing to jumping around to the band who'd been hired for the event and they were both hot and a little sticky from the crowd.

He nods in confirmation and smiles to himself when she immediately takes his hand in hers to pull him along behind her, she seems to have no idea he'd follow her to the ends of the earth if she asked.

She takes him to a small moonlit, snow covered, empty courtyard.

"Anyone would think you wanted to get me alone," He teases lightly, she blushes a little but playfully shoves him

"Maybe I did," She shrugs, he grins cockily "Or maybe it was a little crowded in there and I'm a polite date who didn't want to just abandon you," She isn't quite sure where her newfound confidence around Oliver is coming from

"I'm going to go with the first option," He grins, she laughs a little before shivering at the cold December breeze that wraps around them. He's quick to shrug of his black formal jacket, wrapping it around her shoulders and blushing when she leans up to press a kiss to his cheek in thanks.

"You wanna dance?" She questions, he laughs a little at the idea of leaving a ball to go and dance but nods.

Her arms wrap around his neck as his circle her waist, he hums gently and she smiles a she glances up at him. Oliver Wood looks like a god in the moonlight and she thanks her lucky stars that it's her who got to be in that moment with him.

They dance slowly, eventually pulling each other closer. She laughs when he twirls her under his arm and he grins when her hands begin to brush through the ends of his hair.

"Tell me something," She speaks quietly, his arms pulling her even closer.

"What do you wanna know?"

"Anything about you," She decides, he takes a deep breath, figuring now's probably the best moment he'll ever get to tell her this.

"I've had a crush on you since first year,"

"You have?" She sounds shocked and he can't help but laugh at the idea of her not realising he's practically head over heels for her

"I have," He confirms with a grin

"Why'd you never say anything?" She questions. Her heart feels like it's beating a million miles a minute and she's almost certain he can feel it

"You kinda avoided me," he shrugs

"Yeah I did," She laughs

"Why'd you do that?"

"I was scared to make a fool out of myself," She admits

"Yeah I get that," He nods

"You do? You always seem so- I don't know- at ease,"

"Around everyone but you I kinda am," He shrugs, she blushes a little at that. "You wanna know something else?" He questions.

They're still swaying a little but there's not much movement at their feet, instead the entire thing looks like a loving embrace and she figured to an extent it kind of was.

"Sure,"

"All night I've thinking about if I were to try and kiss you. If you'd kiss back or you'd pull away and laugh in my face and I'd have made a fool of myself," His words leave her breathless and his charming grin only makes it better

"There's only one way to know for sure," She whispers.

His lips crash to hers in the moonlit courtyard, the snow falling around them. It's slow and gentle. Holding years of emotion and there's no need to rush, in that moment they both know they have forever to hold each other this close. It's a little toothy from both their wide grins but as his hands cup her cheeks she's sure nothing has ever been as perfect as this moment and the boy she's sharing it with.

MASTERLIST

#harry potter fanfiction #Harry Potter #harry potter masterlist #oliver wood #oliver wood x reader #oliver wood x y/n #oliver wood imagine

132 notes · View notes

jjungkookislife · 4 years ago

Text

Fic Recs 2020 Pt. 1

Seokjin

let’s get married [SMAU] @hangsangwithbts

Summary: seokjin has no intention of getting married, but after facing tremendous pressure from his family to finally settle down, he comes up with the brilliant idea to fake a marriage. the lucky bride just so happens to be you.

voice mail @joonary

summary: kim seokjin is best known around campus for his romance advisory podcast, voice mail, but to you, he’s just your lovable idiot of a best friend. but when he accidentally lets it slip that he’s fallen for one of your fellow peers, you can’t help but be a little bit curious (and quite frankly, a tad bit jealous).

Yoongi

cheers if you agree @out-of-jams

summary: If it weren’t for the fact that he didn’t know who you were or even how to get into contact with you, Yoongi wouldn’t be posting all over Weverse for anyone to see. Not that he thought anyone would be smart enough to put the pieces of the puzzle together with how many people responded to his posts anyway.

snake kisses @peekaboongi

summary: You are grossly unprepared for the snake hybrid that enters your life. Yoongi is quiet and sneaks around you but eventually, even the cold reptile warms up to you.

under construction [SMAU] @luffles424

summary: In which y/n is just trying to figure out what to do with her life with the help from her (un)helpful friends

Hoseok

going once, going twice, sold @bxebxee

summary: But the real reason anything at all started with Hoseok was something much simpler, and probably wholly unexpected - not that you ever planned on any of the other members of the MBA Society to find out.You leave your unlocked phone in his car before stumbling your way into your tiny, studio apartment. And he sees a twitter notification asking you for further discount on your panties.That is all it takes.

just practice @lamourche

summary: The second time you hook up with Jung Hoseok, he doesn’t remember the first time. You’re surprised. It was only a few weeks ago, and you were in a broom closet. That has to be different, right? (Well, not really, you’ll learn.)

game over @9uk

summary: your boyfriend has been gaming all day without paying much attention to you. that is until his friends on discord brings up the moaning noises in the background.

you’re my kryptonite @dovechim

summary: Superheroes are immortal, they are everything we are not. The Krypton are a race of superhumans sent down to Earth to protect humans, and they are the epitome of nobility and protection. You have always believed in their immortal, God-like powers, revered and admired them your entire life. Your wish for your very own superhero is granted when you meet Jung Hoseok, a Krypton with the most unique, powerful abilities you’ve ever seen.

Namjoon

first, do no harm @yandere-society

summary: Dr. Kim is well known as the most skilled heart surgeon in the hospital, but when you notice his mortality statistics seem skewered, you discover all is not what it seems. Now, Dr. Kim is offering you a choice: will you join him? Or become yet another broken heart beneath his scalpel?

internet friends [SMAU] @bts-celestials

summary: meeting through online, namjoon slowly starts to fall for the person who likes all the things he’s into. maybe having friends online is fun.

Jimin

reset @dovechim

summary: We are made of the pieces of what we remember, and we hold in ourselves the hopes and fears of those who love us. As long as there are memories to call our own, there can be no true loss. But Park Jimin has no such privilege.

paparazzi (tw: flash banner) @chinkbihh

summary: What if the roles were reversed and it was Jimin who was the fan and you who was the idol? But what if he wasn’t just a casual fan, but an avid fan? Maybe even a sasaeng…

Taehyung

the morning after @softlyjiminie

summary: one night, full of passion, whispered promises and heated kisses. one morning, full of regret and unwanted memories. is a night with your ex enough to send you running back into the arms of the devil?

fake love @mygsii

summary: an arranged marriage between you and taehyung leaves behind feelings of bitterness and hatred. will your heart be able to survive, especially when you’ve loved him all your life, or will it fall apart with this marriage?

cheap skate @gukslut

summary: Who doesn’t know Taehyung and his lady? Cutest couple in town, I’d say, and have been since they started dating in their college days. Oh, that was a while ago, though. And still, they’re happy as can be in that place they have together. Almost hate seeing one without the other, y’know, it’s like seeing just one testi- oh, right, I’m not supposed to talk like that. Anyhoo, I only say that because I saw Taehyung at a jewelry store the other day while I was buying my sweet Jiminie his presents. Maybe that boy’s finally gonna pop the question, but I do hope he’s got a good plan for it. Something sweet and romantic. Maybe I’ll find out after Jiminie gets back from that cabin he’s visiting.

baby i @jiminsfault

summary: a one night stand with a stranger leads to so much more than just great sex

Jungkook

only for love [SMAU] @lysjeon

summary: for almost four years it had been just him and sarang, and he had no plans on changing the life they had become accustomed to any time soon, but of course y/n has to come and shake his world.

one time in your room @ubemango

summary: There are papers to write, and virgins to daydream about. (You can think about Jeongguk’s dick later.)

piss off your parents @littlemisskookie

summary: In an effort to piss off your parents you move in with their worst nightmare- a boy with tattoos, a rock band, and an irresistible charm.

departure @nomnomsik

summary: As a flight attendant for Korean Air, you’re scheduled for a thirteen-hour flight to Japan. However, things get intimate between you and your partner and co-pilot, Jeon Jungkook, when he realizes Park Jimin, the famous idol from Korea, broads the plane and blatantly flirts with you.

curiosity @hobidreams

summary: when innocent jungkook comes to you with a not-so-innocent question… you decide it’s easier to just demonstrate.

inkling @gguksgalaxy

summary: Jungkook is your brother’s boyfriend’s co-worker, they own a tattoo and piercing parlour. In other words, he’s tall, gorgeous, has his passion literally etched into his skin, looks incredibly good in a man-bun, and is semi-unattainable for you. Why? Well…you’re not entirely sure but him ditching right after a very heated make-out session sure isn’t a good sign. His extremely poor mood the next week sure isn’t either, but the only way to fix it is to face the beast head-on. Right?

j’aime @baepop

summary: You’re the newest hire at a local café and head barista Jeon Jungkook takes you under his wing.

pop goes the cherry @1oserjk

summary: jungkook comes back home to find you visiting as well, all grown up — in more ways than one.

skirt chasers @1kook

summary: “Baggy clothes are in, but you wouldn’t know that, Miss I Draw Inspiration From Catholic School Girls.”

kiss it better @jincherie

summary: When one goes to Kim Seokjin for advice, it’s almost guaranteed to never end well. This is something Jungkook learns quickly when he mistakenly follows treasured advice to ‘be smart’ and ‘use his assets’. He just did what he was told! Of course, the execution was a bit poor… and embarrassing. But hey, if rocking up to cheer practice in a skirt doesn’t woo your crush, what will?

pay by play @yoonia

camboy!au

deeply poisoned @xmagicxshopx

summary: Kiss me on the lips, a secret just between the two of us. Deeply poisoned by the jail of you. I cannot worship anyone but you and I knew the grail was poisoned but I drank it anyway.

speeding ticket @minstrophywife

summary: Caught speeding to get home in time, you find yourself pulled over by a very delicious cop. Perhaps you can talk your way out of the ticket.Or,“I’m afraid I’m going to have to do a cavity search ma’am.”

OT7/Multiple Members

buttercream @minniepetals

summary: you were always adorable in their eyes, sometimes a little too adorable.

dulce periculum @forgottenpasta

summary: Devious and devilish, your two new impish hybrids never miss a chance to torment you for your hopeless attraction to them, knowing exactly what they do to you. But is sly sexuality and enigmatic allure all there is to the tiger and wolf hybrid, or do the depths of their eyes hide something more for you? Part ½

tropicana @dragunjk

summary: groovy punch sippin

amaranthine @koyamuses

summary: As the sole owner of Nightshade, a quaint bed and breakfast on the outskirts of the city, you find pleasure in rising each morning to tend to your guests but behind closed doors and within the shadows, you are the covenant leader to a group of young vampires who have claimed you as their mate.More often than not, your day is brimming with a mix of daily chores and back door deals that ensure the survival of your covenant. However, everything changes when three werewolves come stumbling into your life, all three of them claiming it was your scent that drew them closer as the words true mate ring into the silence.

testosterone boys @kiwiscript

summary: A little end of the year party tradition gets taken too far.

operation love letters @ve1vetyoongi

summary: When every student on campus is going crazy about a survey that claims to make true love bloom, your best friend manages to convince you to join in on the fun — except you’re disappointed to find out that your results just seem to be lost causes. That is until a love letter from a mysterious secret admirer turns up and you find yourself on a mission to find the person behind the pen — but you quickly realise it’s going to be a lot harder than you initially thought when you have 7 possible bachelors to investigate, right? Operation: Love Letters a-go!

our princess @iridescentjin

summary: In your newly established poly relationship, you are intimate with both Taehyung and Seokjin at the same time for the first time.

#fic recs #fic recs 2020 #fic recs masterlist #jjungkookislife fic recs #jjungkookislife fic recs masterlist

100 notes · View notes

arigatouiris · 5 years ago

Text

reserved only for you // bakugou katsuki

Author’s Note: Soft Bakugou is my life. Soft Bakugou is who he is okay? I really like this idea idk where I got it from, but I’m so glad I wrote it down. This is how I see Bakugou respond to a crush and if that crush like him back! Hope you like it!

Word count: 3046

Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki x Gentle! Reader

Warnings: fluff, angst, soft kacchan

❝

You did not know how it happened.

You rushed back into your room, right after that, and shut the door behind you. Your dorm was dark, considering it was over 2 a.m., in the night. You let out a sigh before feeling how warm your face was, how erratically your heart was beating, how wide your eyes were and how your lips were quivering. Instantly, upon realizing these facts, your hands shot to your face and you let out a quiet squeal.

Bakugou Katsuki, your biggest crush for the past few months, had confessed to you.

The initial few hours after accepting a request such as this one sends anyone’s hearts to the skies, but you were fragile already. Katsuki didn’t exactly ‘ask’, it was more of a ‘demand’ but a softer one, one that you understood rather well. You felt your knees grow weak as you slid down on the ground behind your door.

Katsuki-kun... you grumbled in your mind, your face still red hot.

You could remember the very first time you met him and not feeling the same excitement. He was brash, angry even, and didn’t even meet you in the eye. Apparently, you were an ‘extra’—something he’d called everyone in his class already. However, it was Mina Ashido who had discovered that something lay beneath Bakugou Katsuki’s many layers, and as intrigued as you were, you intended on finding out exactly what that was.

Perhaps, the universe gave you a chance to do so by seating you beside him. Initially, it shocked you at how diligent he was as a student; he seemed the sort who’d never pay attention, who’d not give a damn as to what the teacher had to say. Instead, he went against each and every single one of your expectations and threw them in your face.

And you let out “You really are amazing, Bakugou-kun...” without realizing.

He looked at you, from the corner of his eye, half-annoyed, and half-amused, a look only he could pull off, before shrugging your words off and minding his own business. In Bakugou’s language, that meant he didn’t mind what you said.

Days after that became rather easy. You actually looked forward to class more and more, and you could even remember the first day you greeted Bakugou in the morning, shocking the rest of the class when he actually replied.

“Good morning, Bakugou-kun!” You chirped, sitting in your desk, looking at him with a sweet smile.

“Hey.”

Ashido instantly married you two off in her mind, Kaminari sulked in the corner that you seemed more excited to see a porcupine than a lovable battery, Midoriya did what Midoriya did best—he cried, and Todoroki found his books fascinating. Your growing friendship with Bakugou was something everyone noticed, but no one really thought it could lead anywhere.

The ‘die! die! die!’ boy whose primary focus was to be the number one hero didn’t have time for stupid little crushes or playing house. You told yourself this multiple times, yet, your crush never stopped growing in intensity. It was then you told yourself that it’s completely alright to have a crush on someone as unattainable as Bakugou Katsuki because it’s as if you had a crush on a celebrity like Hawks (who is a celebrity hero, and you did like him). Expectations took a backseat and this was something the whole class noticed—you’d greet him every day, but you wouldn’t approach him more so just because of your growing friendship. You didn’t try finding too many things in common, and you’d not try to keep a conversation going if it was fading out.

Your attempts at wooing Bakugou were null to zero—the whole class knew you were not attempting at anything. It was something even Bakugou noticed. He’d watch as you interacted with faculty members regarding the nature of your quirk, he’d notice how you’d interact with his fellow classmates, how you’d turn other boys down, how sometimes you’d stare at him while he did something absolutely mundane like reading or writing or even eating, for that matter.

Bakugou Katsuki knew what effect he had on you yet, he was impressed at your restraint. Maybe one day you’d burst and tell him about having a crush on him, maybe one day he’d actually get to turn you down—

He stopped at his thoughts. As he was writing, he paused... He blinked twice before analyzing from the corner of his eye at what you were doing. You were humming a soft tune, almost inaudible, and as Katsuki’s eyes traveled to your book, he noticed how you were completing homework. It was a free period, Aizawa-sensei was sleeping in front of the class, and there you were—instead of chatting or doodling or reading manga or some shit, you were completing homework.

It was a second after that did his eyes dart to your face. You didn’t have a smile exactly, but it wasn’t a frown either. Your hair sat so perfectly at your face, and he noticed when you paused—your eyes scrunched up just a little bit and you popped your tongue out before letting out a soft curse.

His eyes darted back to your book before noticing your sum. You had written down the right formula, but you were working on it incorrectly.

Clicking his tongue, Bakugou smoothly moved his pencil over to your book before raspily saying, “It’s like this.”

It was the smallest of movements, little to no significance. Classmates help each other out in situations like this one, but your heart couldn’t take it. Your eyes grew wide as Bakugou solved the sum for you, no curse word, no insult—just helping you, generously. You gulped before looking down at the book, trying to focus on the sum he was working on.

“T-Thank you...” You let out, knowing you sounded stupid.

He didn’t say a word but just nodded once before minding his own business again.

It was a few days after that did you notice something else. He yelled a little less often, he still cursed a lot—but his yelling almost ceased. It was as if the image he had built for himself was slowly fading; he was no longer angry Bakugou Katsuki but was unapproachable and serious Bakugou Katsuki who, in very, very rare moments, was nice and kind. He was trying to be something and it was a gesture almost everyone noticed.

“So Bakugou’s been rather... soft these days.” Sero brought up once, right in front of Bakugou.

You smiled at Sero, then looking at Bakugou who was at your side, before feeling a sweat drop at your forehead. You knew Sero was merely pushing the blond to react.

“Actually, now that you mention it, he has gotten quieter these few days. What’s up, Bakubro?” Kirishima asked, blinking.

“Is it because of a crush?” Ashido sang, bringing her hands together.

“Psh! Bakugou? A crush? Pigs can start learning how to fly before that happens.” Kaminari said, rolling his eyes.

“And what girl can like him anyway?” Mineta suddenly spoke, alerting everyone.

Even the gang thought what Mineta said was a bit rude. You initially just intended on sitting down there, not saying a word—letting them tease their friend. You knew in your heart Bakugou didn’t mind the teasing, he cherished his friendship despite being so aggressive, but Mineta’s comment threw you off guard.

“I can.” You said, shocking the entire class.

You were smiling at Mineta, a soft smile that sent shivers down his back. Everyone else merely stared at you as you said it so confidently as if you weren’t ashamed of it. No, it was quite evident that you weren’t ashamed of it at all, in fact, you wore this fact with pride.

“(y/n)-chan, you—”

You interrupted Kirishima and nodded, “I like Bakugou-kun. A lot. Let’s keep our rude thoughts to ourselves though, okay?”

No one could understand how confident you were at that second. It was a bit sad, seeing how you barely expected a response to your indirect confession—how you barely expected anything out of having feelings for Bakugou in the first place. It was as if you were crushing on a fictional character, but there he was, sitting right next to you.

“Oi, Bakugou! (y/n)-chan just said—”

“We have class now!” You said chirpily, before alerting everyone to Midnight-sensei who just entered class.

What you or anyone else in the class had failed to notice was Bakugou’s expression at your abrupt confession. He was wide-eyed, almost as wide-eyed as he was learning Midoriya’s secret. He couldn’t bear to look at you right then, he couldn’t bear to think of anything at the moment. He knew you were growing soft on him, but to think you’d stand up for him and say it like you owned it?

No, you did own it. Damn, you owned the stage so hard right then.

He felt terrible, though. He knew you didn’t approach him because he was focused on his hero training. He felt terrible because he couldn’t even give you even a slight bit of hope that he did in fact like you back—and you could, in fact, approach him and confess. Instead, you were swallowing your confession deep inside your heart, hiding it from him so that he could succeed. He clicked his tongue and frowned hard, and for the first time, he wasn’t sure what he had to do.

After school, Bakugou would usually train with his classmates. But, that day he wasn’t anywhere to be found. You wanted to find him and explain to him about what had happened—hoping that he didn’t take it the wrong way. There was no wrong way, you knew now you had to tell him what you were feeling and it wasn’t as if you were hiding it. You were more than happy to let him know.

But, maybe, liking someone had some sort of expectation attached to it as well. You felt your spirits lower down as time passed—tired of asking anyone and everyone if they had seen Bakugou. No one had, he had simply vanished—it was strange, almost.

Maybe, he’s just so done that he couldn’t face this... You thought before heading over to the dorm.

You shut yourself in your room and didn’t come out for the night. Mina called you out for dinner, but you couldn’t show yourself—not after what had happened. You texted her saying you weren’t too hungry and that you were feeling a bit ill. Mina understood right away and left you alone.

However, she had a bone to pick with Bakugou and she didn’t care if Bakugou Katsuki was a scary person.

You were the gentlest soul anyone had the opportunity of knowing. Learning how Bakugou had treated you—by not even acknowledging your confession. During dinner, Mina rushed to where Bakugou sat and slammed her hand on the table, not even alerting him.

“Bakugou!” She looked angry, a look that didn’t exactly fit Mina. “(y/n)-chan doesn’t deserve silence!”

Almost the entire class of 1-A watched as Mina reprimanded Bakugou, almost everyone expected him to snap and scream at her or try to blast her away. Kirishima was even ready to grab his friend away before any harm came her way, but what shocked everyone and even Mina for that matter, was how he just sat there and... took it.

“You... You... Bakugou...” Mina blinked, running out of breath.

He was quietly eating, or that was what Mina thought he was doing and the second she noticed his full bowl of rice, and the curry untouched—her eyes widened. She turned to look at her classmates and shrugged, knowing Bakugou wasn’t feeling himself either.

“Just...” Mina didn’t know what else to say, “Just tell her already.”

“I know, dumb alien.”

It was then everyone left Bakugou alone, almost surprised at how much he had changed the past few days. No one could understand why romance was so complicated for him, but it wasn’t just romance anymore. It had a lot more to do with how you understood things—the way you didn’t approach Bakugou. You had invariably put him first over yourself, which isn’t what people usually do.

This was the very thing Bakugou wanted to address.

That night, Bakugou decided to not head back to his dorm right away. He lounged on the couch, lying down on it, sitting on it, resting his neck on the armrest—nothing was comfortable. Was he expecting you to turn up? He wasn’t sure—he wasn’t certain you would come, considering how you hadn’t eaten dinner, he assumed you could come down for a snack but you were probably asleep too. He checked the time and it was close to 1 a.m., and he groaned.

What the fuck am I doing?

He rubbed a hand across his tired face before getting up to drink some water. Walking over to the kitchen, he froze when he saw a shadow.

“Please, please, please...” There was no mistaking it, it was you.

Bakugou didn’t turn on the light, but took out his phone and threw the torchlight at you, causing you to almost shriek but he instantly put his hand on your mouth, swallowing your shout. Bakugou’s eyes darted to what was in your hand, a jar of cookies—unopened, and you seemed to be struggling with the lid.

How the hell did I not notice her? Bakugou wondered before letting you go, once he was certain you wouldn’t scream. Must be that quirk of hers...

“You want me to open that for you?”

You gulped before handing the jar to him, “Yes, please. I have bu—”

“Butterfingers. I know.”

Katsuki could open it in one try, and you blushed at how easy he made it seem. You mumbled a small thank you before placing the jar back on the counter, taking one cookie out.

“Bakugou-kun, I—”

“Katsuki.”

Your eyes widened before feeling the blush increase, “U-Uh... Yes, okay... Um, Katsuki-kun, I... I wanted to explain what happened. You weren’t anywhere to be found after school and I thought I’d offended you. I just wanted to let you know that I’m not going to bother you with these feelings. They are my feelings and I won’t burden them on you.”

He was looking straight at you, your eyes had somehow adjusted to the quasi-dark setting of the kitchen.

“Why?”

“Heh?”

“Why won’t you,” he rubbed the back of his neck, finding this a bit hard to say, “Why won’t you, you know, burden them or whatever.”

“I mean, I was trying to—”

“They’re not a fucking burden.”

He looked visibly uncomfortable, and you hated yourself for doing that. Your heart went out to how hard it may be for him at that second and you let out a sigh.

“I’ve never tried hiding the fact that I like you, Katsuki-kun. You inspire me and you’re just very kind.”

“Bullshit—”

“You really are! I can fight you for it.” You giggled, sending his heart shooting to the skies.

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” Bakugou asked, feeling so vulnerable, he felt nauseous.

“Because I also want you to be the number one hero.” You said, smiling at him, tilting your head to the side.

A second later, Bakugou Katsuki did what Bakugou Katsuki did best—reveal what he felt through action. He walked over to you, his hand flying to your hand before pulling you closer to him. His other hand wound itself around your waist before pressing your form to his chest, embracing you in a tight hug. Your eyes were wide and his chin now rested on your shoulder. A second later, your hands pressed on his back and you could feel your heart pounding.

Actually, you weren’t sure if it was your heart or Katsuki’s.

“I’m not good at any of this,” He admitted, shutting his eyes, “But I really don’t find you annoying. Not one bit.”

You felt like you were going to explode. Was this his quirk?

“Katsu—”

“Let me finish, dumbass,” It was perhaps the first time he threw a half-hearted insult at you in days, “I’m not saying I’m going to do this... I’m saying... Fuck, I’m saying I’ll try, got that?”

Your grip on him tightened and you hugged him back tighter. Bakugou’s eyes widened with that gesture.

“You really don’t have to.” You said, softly.

“I want to, (y/n). I like you.”

When you two pulled away, Katsuki darted his eyes away from yours and looked at your cookie. You followed his gaze before letting out a small squeak and eating it in one go, causing the blond to rub your back and call you a dumbass.

“Katsuki-kun!” You whisper-yelled, “Does... Does this... Does this mean we’re—”

“I suppose it does.” He said, rubbing the back of his neck, not looking at you.

“We’ll go at your own pace!” You said, smiling at him.

Katsuki took one look at you before saying ‘tch’ and gulping. That was enough of an answer.

Which led you back to your current predicament, as you struggled to maintain your composure. You wanted to see him again—and oh god, you wanted to seal the entire deal with a kiss. You were half-terrified if Katsuki woke up in the morning and realized he wasn’t going to do this—which would never happen, he never went back on what he said.

You covered your face in your lap but almost shrieked when you heard a knock sound on your door. You quickly opened the door to reveal a red-faced Katsuki.

“Katsu—”

“Don’t fucking say anything.” He said.

“Say anything to what—”

In an instant, Katsuki leaned forward and kissed you squarely on the lips. It was awkward as if he didn’t have a clue what he was doing—neither did you, for that matter, but his lack of experience or previous interest was evident. Your right hand flew to his check and you held him, enjoying the feel of how soft his skin was. A second later, he pulled away, your hand still on his cheek.

You had never seen Bakugou so soft before. It almost broke your heart.

But, it was a sight only for your eyes. When you smiled at him, he knew and you knew—that Bakugou Katsuki’s softness was reserved only for you.

And there was no other way you’d have it.

❞

#katsuki bakugou #bnha bakugou #bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki #bakugou #Katsuki Bakugō #bnha x reader #bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #boku no hero headcanons #boku no hero imagines #boku no hero fanfic #mha bakugou #katsuki bakugo x reader #baku #katsuki #mina ashido #midoriya izuku

3K notes · View notes

zekroudon · 4 years ago

Text

The Song of our Hearts (Lukadrien June 2020)

@lukadrien-june

Day 28: Stargazing

Viperion and Chat Noir make a stop during patrol to look at the stars. You can read it on Ao3 here.

This one is mostly dialogues, but the last "prompt" will be big and fluffy. I should get to posting it tomorrow or Monday.

The stars are sparklingly beautiful tonight, but not as much as his emerald eyes. It may be cliche, but it is true. I could drown in those seas of green and I would die the happiest man. Once again, my thoughts wander to my feline partner sitting next to me on this Parisian rooftop. His mouth moves as he explains the different constellations and the stories behind them, but his lips are too distracting. I can’t stop myself to wonder how they would feel on mine if we kissed. Would he purr if I held him tenderly in my arms as we watched the stars? Was there a chance that his heart could beat for me just like mine does for him? Could he see how our songs complete each other? Probably not. Even if he was attracted to guys too, it doesn’t mean he would like me like that. Besides, Chat always talks about Ladybug and how much he loves her. Even though he toned down the declarations of love, it is still obvious in his eyes. What would I do for him to look at me that way, even if only for a second…

“It’s beautiful…” He says, bringing me out of my head to realize that he’s looking at me.

“What? The stars? They are sparkling beauty.”

“No, the music you played… I mean, anything you play is good, but that was amazing. It was like if you played how my heart was feeling…”

“Oh, thank you… I didn’t realize I was playing. I guess I was playing how I’m feeling…”

“ Oh , is it the same thing as me? You could talk about it, it always helps.”

“Alright, but only if you tell me what bothers you afterwards.”

“Of course, cat’s honor!”

He places his hand over his heart and I chuckle at his dramatics. In moments like these, I wish I knew who he is as a civilian, to get to know him fully. Maybe he would like to listen to me playing guitar? Maybe he’s a musician himself and we could play a duet? But… It will never happen. His identity is a secret for his and my safety as well as Paris’. If Hawkmoth was to find out Chat Noir’s real name, we would all be in danger, but him even more and I won’t put him through more than he already has to for my selfish reasons. I sigh as all those dreams get silenced by my brain turning back on.

“I… I like a person, but they do not feel the same way about me… I keep looking at them, but their eyes are focused on the girl they love… Which is totally fine, but it sucks to have to move on once again, you know? Besides, tons of people already like them, I wouldn’t stand out in a crowd…”

“Why? I’m pretty sure a superhero would be spotted quite easily in a crowd?”

“No, I mean… He has so many people to choose from, why would he choose me? Besides, a relationship would be pretty much impossible...”

“Oh, it’s a guy? I thought you liked Marin…that girl friend of yours? Her parents own a bakery I think?”

“The feeling was not reciprocated and as she tried to move on from her crush on another guy, she realized that we work better as friends than as a couple… It hurt a lot, but not so much anymore. Though I wonder why my heart has to long for an unattainable person once again…”

“Why would he be so unattainable? You are an ameowzing person, a great listener, a fantastic musician, also pretty good looking if I do say so myself. If he doesn’t see you, he must be purrty blind…”

How ironic, he just called himself blind… Though I must admit that I haven’t been as forward as I was with Marinette. I tried to sweep her off her feet, but he does it to me without even trying.

“Well, he’s busy with a lot of things, but thank you… You’re good looking too. I’m sorry Ladybug does not see you the way you want... Your turn?”

“Yeah, I guess I have to, a promise is a promise… My problem is not so different than yours when you think about it. Ladybug is amazing, but I guess that after trying for so long, I realized it may never grow beyond friendship, and that’s okay. I realized one of my friends had feelings for me, but it didn’t feel right. She was awesome and the best, but there was something missing… And then I hung out more with this guy, I realized I felt a certain way with him that I hadn’t previously with guys. At first, I was confused because no one really told me that you could feel like that about a man too, or both for that matters. It’s certainly not my father who would have told me… As I spent more time with the guy, I realized I liked him, just like I loved Ladybug. Well, I still love her dearly and will go to the end of the world and back for her, but I know I will not have a romantic relationship with her….”

“Oh.” So he does feel that way about guys too…”Coming out and realizing that you are gay, bi, pan or anything is hard. My family has always been supportive, and my sister is a lesbian, so it’s pretty normal for us… I’m sorry your father is not supportive.”

“Well, I don’t exactly know his stance on it, even though a few of his employees are LGBTQ+... It’s not one of our conversation topics…”He snorts as he remembers something.” The funny thing is that I was caught multiple times staring at the guy when his shirt rolled up and revealed his toned stomach or when he flexed his arms as he played the guitar. I’m relieved he never noticed, I would have been so embarrassed… He has such beautiful eyes, they look like precious gems and I could lose myself in them… He’s so kind and caring, maybe he would not mind me liking him in that way, but I just hope it’s not unrequited again. It would be nice to hug him, hold hands together, kiss beneath the Eiffel Tower, and go on tons of romantic dates… I guess I might be hoping too much for a great love story.”

He looks up to the stars once again and mumbles something, though I only catch something about courage and without masks.

“Maybe you will get lucky this time? You deserve your great love story.” I tell him, looking to the bright stars above us, wishing that I could rewrite them to give him the love he longs for, even if it’s not from me.

“You too, Luka, I hope that guy will notice you…”

#Lukadrien June 2020 #lukadrien #adrien agreste #luka couffaine #day 28: stargazing #chat noir #viperion #zekroudon's fics

11 notes · View notes

sapphos-darlings · 5 years ago

Text

I’m proud of my mother. She was born in the 50s into a conservative family, if you can consider them conservative in rural Finland in the 50s - the father brought in the food, the mother stayed home tending to a flood of kids never having the energy for all of them, leaving them often on their own to look after each other, hoping they’d all make it through the day but in the end, no one had the time to make sure. They were hunters and farmers, traditionally Christian as far as I can tell. The community they lived in had a lesbian couple that everyone knew about but nobody talked about; it was taboo and shameful. Being gay wasn’t right. My mum’s straight, too, so this was easy for her to internalize.

She became a mother late at at 37. I’m her only child. First, I was gnc. She wanted a daughter she could dress up pretty and pamper. I wanted nothing to do with dresses and my favourite way to pass the time was to climb trees and roll around in mud. My mum gave up on the dresses very fast. I played with wooden swords and bows that my dad and my neighbours built me. The neighbours told my parents I’d grow up to be a vegan feminist activist, in words that made sense for the time. Everyone knew I was strange.

My dad was mostly drunk and away from home, so my mum raised me much on her own. She never implied in any manner that what I was doing was wrong or improper or that I wasn’t good as I was. I had sleepovers with girls and boys all the way until early teenage, at which point we separated naturally. She once told me she was afraid what’d happen when I’d first have “boy troubles”. I never had boy troubles. She wasn’t prepared for the troubles I was going to have, though.

At 10 years old, we went to a concert together. I fell in love with the singer of the band and spent my next two years fawning over him. I think at this stage, everything was going as intended. I don’t think she even remembers this phase now, because last year, she asked me in all honesty if I’m a lesbian.

I’m not a lesbian, but you might not know that.

I was scared that I was when I turned 12 and found myself attracted to Avril Lavigne’s promo picture in a CD store. I got over my freakout in about ten minutes, but my attraction to women (not Lavigne) survived. At 14, I was involved in a weird relationship with a girl my age. I don’t remember much of it other than that I was very bad at playing relationship, and I feel guilty she left her girlfriend for that mess. At 15, I fell in love for the first time with a girl I’d love for the next decade, desperately, painfully. Between there somewhere, maybe at 13, my mum found me crying in a closet because my best friend had a crush on me and I was scared to tell her I didn’t want to be in a relationship with her. My mum stumbled over the word “boy” when she asked what “he” wanted of me. I know she knew then, but we never voiced it.

I met a crossdressing gay guy around that time. He went by the name Cherry and wore cybergoth outfits and makeup, and he turned 18 a couple weeks after I met him. My mum let me go to his birthday party and stay until 1am, and later go visit him in the capital on my own over multiple occasions, once personally meeting him and giving him a hug. He was wearing platform boots and hair extensions and probably fishnets on some part of his body. She loved him because he was like a big brother to me, and never questioned the way he presented himself or worried about him being a bad influence to me, because he made me happy and I felt safe and excited to be with him. I also had a major crush on him which I think everyone was well aware of, but it was a safe crush, because I was 13 and he was 18 and like a big brother to me, and I was a girl and he was gay and everyone knew that, too.

When I was 16 and we went on a vacation in Europe, I spent all of my time finding the means to talk to the girl I loved at all times. I racked up an insane phone bill and couldn’t care less about the Pride parade in Rome, because I would rather lock myself up in an overheated Internet shack that was no wider than our bathroom at home to talk to her for hours online. Then she met another girl and chose her to be her girlfriend, only to tell me years later she hadn’t chosen me because she was too afraid of losing me, which made no sense to me. I felt like my world had ended. I didn’t stop crying for weeks and I signed myself up in a hospital because I was afraid I’d kill myself over the heartbreak.

I think it was around that time I started going to Pride, too, but regularly only when I met my next girlfriend around 18. I was always scared to go to Pride, not because I was afraid of showing I was LGBT but because I was scared of being the target of an attack like a bombing or a shooting. One year, we were the target of a gas attack, but I didn’t even know that, because I was marching at a different section of the parade and only heard about it later in the news. I don’t know if my mum was aware we were dating then with this girl, but I think she did. I think at this stage she’d already settled on me being a lesbian, it was just unspoken between us. She’d once asked me, because I wrote fanfiction most of my teenage and I always showed it off to her because I was proud of what I was writing and it never occurred to me it might have been inappropriate or offensive that I was writing about gay relationships. She vehemently denied this for years, because according to her, she’d never spoken the word “lesbian” in her life, much less referring to me.

She did speak it, last year, though. I do believe she spoke it when I was a child, too, when she asked me if I was a lesbian. I know she did. I said I wasn’t, because I’m not, but I understand that the evidence stacked up against me. Obsession with same-sex media, Pride parades, girlfriends, girl crushes, heartbreaks over girls, never once a mention of a real boyfriend or any material boy crush aside from those I had to a few chosen celebrities, fictional characters and idols, all of whom were unattainable and never as strong and overwhelming as the love I so obviously felt for women - I don’t blame her for thinking I was a lesbian. I’m not sure if “bisexual” entered her vocabulary at any time before last year.

At 19, I came out to her as transgender. She said she didn’t understand but that she’d try her best and support me no matter what as long as I would be happy, and what I was doing was making me happier, as I was obviously unhappy and struggled with difficult mental health issues for most of my life. She accompanied me to my meetings at the gender clinic and spoke with my doctors and nurses to understand. She tried her best to remember my pronouns when speaking in English, and even though she failed and has always failed, she did learn to call me by my new name without a fault. She’s never regarded me as a man of any sort and that’s alright, because I had and have her support no matter what. So here we were for the main part of my 20s - she thought I was a lesbian and knew I’m transsexual.

It’s only these past two years we’ve really talked about any of this. That’s the size of the taboo she was raised with in terms of the LGBT matters. She might have asked me once if I was a lesbian before, but even to herself, she’s denied ever voicing that word. Last year, or a bit over, when I was 27 or 28, she finally did consciously voice the question over the phone: am I a lesbian?

No. But that was the first time I ever vocally came out as a bisexual. I’ve never hidden it, but I’ve never come out either. I’ve always just either “been” or left it unspoken. All my friends have always known, and all of the Internet has always known, and I’ve never kept it a secret, but within the family, it’s been unspoken.

She was alright with that. We talked about my transition a little bit, if I was happy with it, if it made me happier, or if I regretted it. (It made me happier, I’m happy with it. She was relieved to hear that.) Other than that, we’ve never spoken of it, but all of this is why I respect my mum more than I probably have ever respected anybody else.

I’m everything she was taught to think of shameful and bad her whole life, everything she struggled to accept as a part of “normal”, as something natural. I’m exclusively female-oriented bisexual, gender non-conforming, and a diagnosed and transitioned transsexual. She couldn’t possibly have a child deeper in the LGBT than I am. And not once in my life did she make me feel like I wasn’t good as I am, like I wasn’t allowed to be myself and express who I am and look up to the people I did. She always made sure I’d be safe to her best ability, but her concern never restricted my freedom to be myself and explore my identity, and her concern was never made to be my problem, or something I had to take responsibility of.

And this year, because the pandemic had moved the Pride parade by a few months and because that meant that my best friend (that girl I dated when I was 18) probably couldn’t join me because of her career situation, I asked mum if she’d come with me to Pride, because I don’t want to go alone. I fully expected this to be the last thing she couldn’t do. Earlier, she’d asked me to come to a gay movie with her because she really wanted to see it but couldn’t make herself go alone. That had been a throughoutly difficult experience for her - yes, she’d enjoyed the movie, but it had made her feel very conflicted because of the values she’d been raised with and the prejudices she was trying to fight. A Pride parade just seemed way beyond there - I just needed to ask because yes, I did need someone to go with, but also because I wanted to show her that I wanted to take her, and that she’s welcome to be a part of my life even in the ways that we’ve always been afraid to discuss. I’m happy to share my identity with her openly, because she’s been accepting and understanding of it and never given me a reason to feel like I can’t be honest with her. It was more symbolic than anything. And like I expected, she did hesitate, but what I didn’t expect was that she’d tell me “yes”.

I’ve never been more proud of her than at that moment. I know how much it means to her to say “yes, I will come with you to Pride”. She had to reassure herself that for her, it doesn’t mean anything else than that she’s proud of me, and supports who I am and my right and the right of everyone like me to be who we are. I reassured her about it too - Pride is full of straight allies. Pride is full of parents, partners and children, even dogs and horses of people who are LGBT. She’s not making a statement about herself by being there. She doesn’t need to come out as gay to join Pride with me. She can just be there for me.

But it means the world to me that she agreed.

I’ve quite literally never been the girl she wanted me to be, and my friends were never the friends she imagined her child having when she was planning for me. But she’s never, in any manner, implied or let me think that she didn’t love me. She’s never made me feel like I wasn’t right for being who I am. She never let her doubts or questions or concerns or prejudices keep me from living my life and pursuing happiness as it came to me. Not once.

And for that, I’m proud of her. I couldn’t have a better mother.

#wlw #bisexuality #bisexual #pride #lgbt #mod sade #c: sade

15 notes · View notes

echodrops · 6 years ago

Text

Why You Should Be Shipping Shigaraki/Ochako

No, no, hang on a second--I see that side-eye you are throwing hard enough to ruin your peripheral vision. I feel the shade you’re casting like a thundercloud rolling in. But you didn’t read wrong. I meant what I said.

I’ve never made a secret of my love for rare pairs, but for once in my damn lonely shipper’s hellscape of a life I would love it if my favorite crack ship in a fandom had more than two fics (I’m NOT JOKING) to its name.

What can I do to correct this egregious oversight before the entire summer passes with nary a whisper of the most romantic ship since Juliet wherefore art thou’d Romeo?

Well, what else? I was forged in the fires of early 2000s’ fandom, and I know that desperate times call for desperate measures meticulously researched and extremely rose-tinted

Shipping Manifestos.

Fam, I am about to blow your minds, align your chakras, open your third eyes--because Shigaraki and Ochako is the most slept on ship in the entire BNHA fandom, and if you give me ten minutes like an hour (holy shit, this is long), I can prove it.

Disclaimer: @mistystarshine is the enabler who convinced me to write this but we were both enabled by @ohmytheon’s Reconfigure (on AO3) so you know who’s really responsible.

Spoilers to Chapter 231, watch out.

First off, I know what you’re thinking. Maybe you’re still reading from pure shock. Maybe you’re doubt-reading to get your daily fix of internet skepticism. Maybe you’re waiting for me to say these two characters are meant to be because she wears pink and his hair is blue. Maybe you’re already freaking out about age gaps but like that is what future fics and AUs are actually for!!!

I’m not telling you to give up your IzuOcha or Kacchako. I’m not gonna pry ShigaDabi out of your eager little villain stan hands. But if you’ve never considered multi-shipping, now is the time my friends, because I’m totally serious heartfelt here! I’ve got VALID reasons for shipping Shigako--ten of them, in fact:

1) Midoriya is taken for granted as Uraraka’s love interest--but Shigaraki is incredibly similar to him.

There are reams of meta on the parallels between Midoriya and Shigaraki, with plenty people noting how Horikoshi specifically set the two up as foils to examine similar character development despite their drastically different circumstances. Yet for all the meta pointing out that Shigaraki and Midoriya are basically the same character through a mirror darkly, I’ve never seen anyone bear that thought out to its logical conclusion: there are traits Uraraka admires in Midoriya that are extremely apparent in Shigaraki too.

Multiple times in the manga, Uraraka expresses admiration for Deku’s resolve and refusal to give up. His determination in the face of impossible odds and his sense of dedication to his cause are powerful motivating factors in Ochako’s storyline, and Deku’s behavior--his willingness to charge straight into danger and his unflinching pursuit of his goal to be #1--have basically become the standard to which Uraraka holds herself.

Her crush is literally founded on an appreciation for Midoriya’s drive, earnestness, and constant growth as a person.

But these are all traits that Shigaraki also explicitly possesses. Shigaraki’s unwavering resolve is so strong that even though everyone around him says dream is unattainable... they follow him anyway.

Ujiko flat out tells Shigaraki he’s chasing a pipe dream, but he’s willing to come along for the ride strictly because of how committed Shigaraki is to making that dream a reality. The strength of Tomura’s conviction alone persuaded a collection of the most volatile and difficult personalities in the manga to band together and become found family the most well-known anti-establishment organization in all of Japan.

Shigaraki never, even in the face of overwhelming threat, backs down from a challenge, and he approaches each impossible task with absolutely as much effort, ferocity, and refusal to quit as Deku. He is just as dedicated, just as much of a shounen protagonist main character, and just as willing to push himself above and beyond as Deku.

The traits that motivated Uraraka to become the character she is today, many of the exact same traits that formed her crush on Midoriya, are all there in Shigaraki. In another world, the person who inspired Uraraka to go “Plus Ultra” could be Tomura himself, and if 1) no sense of self-preservation, 2) ZERO CHILL, and 3) dogged obsession are what Uraraka finds attractive, Shigaraki clearly has 'em covered. Oh no, he’s meeting all my standards.

2) Being serious though, Ochako’s role in the plot would be vastly improved by more meaningful interactions with the antagonists, even if just in battle.

I’ve written before about how badly the writing of BNHA treats Ochako, and why her constantly being out-of-focus is a hallmark of the genre’s crippling inability to handle dynamic female characters, but it bears repeating: in her current position in the story, Uraraka’s character has minimal agency. She exists to fill the role of Deku’s love interest (at worst) and an emotional crutch (at best). Again, absolutely no hate on the IzuOcha ship--it’s clearly canon endgame and “wholesome” I guess is what they’re calling it nowadays. But the way IzuOcha’s being written in canon is actually the worst possible thing that could happen to Uraraka’s individual character, because Ochako’s crush on Deku has been given virtually no bearing on the story’s main plot and allows Horikoshi to consistently reduce Uraraka’s personal accomplishments to “inspirations from Deku” (in order to, likely, fulfill young male readers’ fantasy of having a girl fixated on them).

Is Uraraka about to do something cool in the manga? Wait for her comment about being motivated by Deku.

Does Uraraka actually get to see some action and get involved in a fight? Wait for someone to bring up her feelings for Deku.

Is Deku about to have a dramatic clash with the story’s villains to advance the main plotline? Wait for Ochako to entirely vanish (at worst) or get sidelined into a three panel clip where she’ll use the same martial art move she’s been using since like chapter 10 (at best).

If I have to read “Gunhead Martial Arts” one more fucking time... Give Ochako her OWN supermoves goddammit!!

The story of the comic itself continually pushes Ochako out of any position of relevance. She’s not one of UA’s strongest fighters (despite having a quirk that, if applied like ANY of the male characters, has incredible potential), she’s not given half the emotional depth or attention even side characters like Kirishima get, and her backstory lacks the development many of the male characters’ get (I’m looking at you, Todoroki).

As a “good girl,” she isn’t allowed to get her hands dirty like Toga, she isn’t allowed to get as bloodied or ugly as any of the boys, and she can never be allowed to surpass the main male characters in coolness or plot relevance because girls can be “heroes” but they can’t be The Hero™. (I’m literally gagging, guys.)

Which is EXACTLY why a plot involving Shigaraki and Ochako--in ANY capacity, even just a flat out fight against each other!--would actually be a fan-fucking-tastic addition to BNHA.

Skip the token Toga vs. Ochako chick fight where they squabble over who loves Izuku more. Let Toga talk to Izuku as herself for once. Let Uraraka throw down with the League’s leader. At least once, Horikoshi? Just once?

Literally any form of plot that puts Shigaraki and Ochako into contact would mean moving Uraraka into a more central position within the manga’s plot, would boost her screen-time, increase the likelihood of her contributing to the story’s primary conflict, and would give her more to do and emotionally engage with than just repeating the same lines about Deku being amazing on an endless loop. There is untapped character development potential in spades here if Uraraka was given chance to genuinely interact with the other half of the story’s cast!

Give👏 Uraraka👏 something👏 meaningful👏 to do!👏

Putting the story’s foremost female character on out there on the frontlines with the manga’s actual main character antagonist would finally break her out of the mold she’s been forced into by genre stereotypes and set her on an even playing field with the male heroes at last.

A meaningful encounter with Shigaraki could be Ochako’s ticket to being treated respectfully by the story itself (and hell if giving underappreciated characters a real place in the world isn’t Tomura’s freakin’ calling card already).

3) Okay, I know the words “subverting expectations” leave a bad taste in everyone’s mouth nowadays, but there is a huge difference between “throwing inexplicable plot twists at the audience just for shock factor” and “averting stale cliches in an emotionally rewarding manner.” Sure, cliches do exist for a reason, but there are still many instances where actively avoiding a cliche plotline is a great choice. A shounen manga’s token love interest ending up with someone other than the hero--namely with a (reformed) villain--would be an interesting flip on the trite “hero gets the girl” script.

Look, we all know how it goes: Hero clashes with Bad Guy. They duke it out all over Kingdom Come. RIP like fifty square city blocks. The Hero wins, heads home triumphant, sweeps his Princess off her feet, and sails off into the hero rankings sunset. End of the same story we’ve seen a million times. Sometimes it’s done well and the audience is left satisfied. Other times, the heroine involved is reduced to the hero’s reward, less person than wish fulfillment. In either case, tying up a romantic subplot with a hero is the go-to way of resolving female characters’ storylines and, at this point, pretty much a given in manga, even when the romantic subplot is never given the development it deserves, leaving audiences bewildered at how and why the hook-up actually happened.

I’m not saying every comic should “subvert expectations” and cancel its romantic subplot between the hero and heroine, of course not. But I am saying that it would be pretty refreshing to see something else for once.

By virtue of their role, villains don’t usually “get the girl.” Even redeemed villains rarely end up in happy, healthy, well-written relationships. It’s not impossible but it is unlikely that a series’ designated female lead ever wavers in her attentions from the main hero to a new romantic target.

So it would be pretty cool if one did, if the moral of the story’s romantic subplot wasn’t just "token love interest completes painfully shoehorned romantic gestures.” A good romance with a redeemed ex-villain instead of a hero would take a lot more explanation. It would demand, by its very nature, more work on the author’s part to suspend disbelief. The characters would have to develop an entirely different rapport from the normal interactions between designated love interests, and, to a certain extent, strong character growth would be required in order for such a romance to even get started. There’s more moral complexity and conflict to a subplot like this, and a greater sensation of choice--if the heroine doesn’t have to end with the hero by the end of the story, well hey... That means she could end up with just about anyone. Whoa.

Even more so, in the specific case of Shigaraki, who has lived a life of misery and manipulation, the idea that he could come out on the other side, grow as a person, redeem himself, and eventually enter a healthy relationship with someone who isn’t going to hurt him is an idea I find deeply appealing. I think there are a lot of villain stans, myself included, who see parts of themselves in Shigaraki. If a character who has been so severely impacted by abuse can still heal and ultimately end up happy, to me, that’s a far more hopeful and heart-warming conclusion than the alternatives. I did warn you this manifesto would be rose-tinted, didn’t I?

I want storylines that prove that none of us are beyond saving. That people who make bad choices can still change. That romance isn’t a reward for playing the “right” role. That heroines have options. That there are still pleasant surprises to be found in romance plots.

4) But why Shigaraki and Ochako, in particular? It’s not like they have any remotely shared life experiences--

Oops. Friendly reminder: Ochako is the only major character in the manga besides the villains who is overtly described as, I quote, “poorer than poor.” Todoroki, Yaomomo, and Iida can all make it rain; Kaminari, Mina, and Jirou can afford stylish clothes; Kirishima can drop a stupid amount on night vision googles... Even Midoriya, whose father “works overseas,“ can afford plenty of All Might merchandise. One of the popular fandom theories for a while was that Ochako could be U.A.’s traitor specifically because of her desire to help her parents financially, and I think that most readers at this point can discern a clear divide in BNHA’s society: heroes are the “haves” and villains are the “have nots.” To be a hero in this story is to attend a prestigious school, have access to expensive support items, gear, insurance, fame and glory, etc.

Meanwhile, with the exception of All For One, to be a villain in BNHA’s story is to be marginalized, live in unfit conditions, lack access to basic safety and nutritional resources, and struggle to make ends meet. When ability to thrive in a hero-centric society is synonymous with being a good and worthwhile person, anyone who doesn’t just naturally excel in the hero-driven economy is treated as flawed at best and suspect at worst. Poor characters in the story are ignored, and, as demonstrated with people like Twice, left essentially to fend for themselves.

Uraraka’s status as lower income is mostly played for laughs. She’s still a privileged character in that she can attend U.A., receive hero items for free, has a safe place to live, etc. But it is important that the story acknowledges her family’s situation, because her financial status does set her apart from her classmates.

She is less privileged than the others. Being “the poor character” situates Uraraka in the interesting divide between those who couldn’t cope and chose to rebel against hero society instead, versus those who conformed to the hero system in an attempt to improve their situations. In different circumstances, if Uraraka’s family was just even the tiniest bit worse off, we might be seeing a very different character here, one who had to make some much harder choices to keep her family afloat.

Having been in the position of "going without,” Uraraka also has a unique understanding of the “real world” that many of her heroics classmates might lack. She understands what it is like to go hungry, to not be able to afford to keep up with the newest trends, to be constantly anxious about the future--to feel unsuccessful, overlooked, and under constant pressure to perform. As someone who wasn’t raised in the lap of luxury or even really a middle-class home, Uraraka has more insight into--and would likely have more empathy for--the plight of the downtrodden daily criminals of the BNHA world. Just based on her own life experiences, Ochako is more likely than her classmates to recognize how harsh reality can be, and understand the temptations that lead people to make terrible decisions.

This makes Ochako an especially interesting character in terms of her pro hero future. Would she be able to sympathize and reach out to struggling "villains” more effectively than others from her class, who lack her humble background? Would she be able to better see the big picture of BNHA’s society, and the way it actively creates villains from its marginalized populations? Would she be able to look at the League not just as criminals, but also as people who never stood a chance within the confines of a rigged social structure?

Uraraka’s background shifts her closer to the story’s villains than many of the other hero characters, and puts her in a unique place to both empathize and become motivated to change the flawed system that produced people like Shigaraki and the League in the first place.

5) Likewise, Uraraka’s background actually makes her more palatable to Shigaraki than other heroes. At least at the beginning of the comic, Uraraka isn’t shy about admitting that one of her reasons for becoming a hero is to help her parents financially. Ochako’s original motivation for heroism isn’t portrayed as nobly as others’ like Deku--Deku has no ulterior motives for being a hero; he just wants to save people and wouldn’t care about personally benefiting.

Instead, Ochako is presented as someone who (initially) sees heroism as a means to an end. It’s not that she doesn’t want to save people, but that she’s not doing so only for the intrinsic worth... the hefty paycheck that comes from heroism is a big draw.

Over time the manga has shown her shifting away from this (which actually makes her character less unique, unfortunately), but I’m sure it’s still a thought for her, and she’s definitely going to send paychecks to her parents in the future. At the end of the day, heroism is still going to be Uraraka’s ticket to a better lifestyle, even if she’s committed herself to it honestly by the time she leaves U.A.

But it’s this exact form of personal motivation that Shigaraki is much more likely to understand than the “goody-two-shoes” motivations of people like Deku. Multiple times in the comic Shigaraki has expressed confusion with society’s habit of clinging mindlessly to symbols, of their blind faith in the virtues of heroism, and their ability to simply overlook suffering because “surely a hero will do something about it.” Stain’s ideals about “true heroes” go straight past Shigaraki, who seems to hate heroes who are earnest (All Might, I’m talking about All Might) far more than those who are simply faking their way through for fame.

Shigaraki understands humans who are driven by personal gain. He respects the individual desires of people he cares about. Someone in the hero industry explicitly seeking tangible benefits would likely, to Shigaraki at least, come across as more genuine than someone who claims they have no ulterior motives, and a person who is blunt about their needs and grounded in the reality of BNHA’s world would likely be much more acceptable to Tomura than someone who spews trite lines about peace and justice.

Shigaraki’s feelings for heroes have been irreparably damaged by his conditioning from All For One, but there are certainly some heroes that he would find less loathsome than others. He will probably never understand Deku’s selflessness. All Might’s saccharine symbolism actively infuriates him. But a person who became a hero to put food on the table? To provide for her parents (maybe especially because it is her parents she’s trying to provide for)? That’s at least understandable. If the manga’s future does see Shigaraki redeemed, my thought is that the only type of heroes we’ll ever see him willingly interact with would still be heroes just like Ochako, with more “down to earth” personal motivations. Uraraka, your codename is “If I had to date a hero”...

6) While we’re talking about shared life experiences, there’s another very obvious similarity between Shigaraki and Ochako: neither one of them can touch things with all five fingers.

Cute/fridge horror observation: Shigaraki is even daintier about touching things than Uraraka is; Uraraka usually lifts just her pinkies, but Shigaraki frequently uses as few fingers as possible.

Yeah, yeah, they both have to be dainty and careful with everything they hold. It’d be cute to watch them eat together. They could mutually gripe about the annoyance of video game consoles not designed for four-finger use. More than that though, neither one of them can touch other human beings without the risk of causing death.

Uraraka, as a hero, has the more privileged quirk design (she can turn her quirk off, while Shigaraki can’t) and until recently, the comic was always very careful to portray Uraraka’s quirk in a way that no one was endangered by it. But dropping Zero Gravity into the hands of a villain for a single chapter reveals the truth: Uraraka’s quirk has just as much lethal potential as Shigaraki’s.

Like Shigaraki, Uraraka has to face the reality that her touch alone could jeopardize the safety of anyone she comes into contact with, in her daily life and in her hero work. Drop some debris without looking twice? Just crushed a civilian. Release your quirk without thinking? Now the villain you floated is paste on the sidewalk. Thought that it was safe to float away the building? Oops, you crushed someone still trapped inside. Yikes. In a one-on-one battle, Uraraka is actually at a disadvantage not because her quirk is weak, but the dead opposite--in an outdoor fight, she would have to actively work not to accidentally send people off into outer space.

Having an auto-activate touch quirk means that both Shigaraki and Ochako have to be conscious of every single thing they touch all the time. Both of their quirks require constant bodily awareness, and both come with the lurking knowledge that “My touch causes problems.” Even for Ochako, who would merely be a nuisance if she accidentally floated objects indoors, it’s easy to internalize frustration and negative associations with one’s own body. Every day, Ochako has to be careful with herself in a way that few of her peers do, another factor that sets her apart.

One of the story’s overarching themes is the idea of “self-acceptance” and what it even means to “accept yourself” in a world where (almost) every human being possesses a distinguishing feature, often built into their bodies at the expense of standard human functioning. For people with limited control over their quirks, who can’t choose when the effect activates, a quirk is a constant burden and facet of their identity that entirely re-shapes how they interact with the world. Both Shigaraki and Uraraka face the practicality of having burdensome, even lethal, auto-activate quirks that require constant self-awareness. This is a similarity that, of the major characters, only Shigaraki and Ochako possess so far. (Even other major characters with touch-based quirks like Overhaul appear to be able to choose when to activate their quirks).

The “funny” way Shigaraki and Ochako hold things seems like just a small similarity until you remember the amount of practice and frustration it must have taken to internalize a four-fingered touch. Until you remember that this similarity marks them both as very careful and self-conscious characters. Until you remember that Shigaraki’s got a one-touch instakill... but so does Uraraka Ochako.

7) Okay, similarities are cool and all, but you know what they say: opposites attract. And if we’re talking character motivation, there are no cleaner opposites in the entire series. Shigaraki and Ochako are actually even better emotional foils than Shigaraki and Deku, because Ochako’s central motivation is “Make as many people smile as possible” and Shigaraki’s is, literally, “Make it so no one can ever smile again.”

I know I ragged on it earlier, but now I’m going to use it to my full advantage: as the story evolved and characters grew, Ochako’s “true” motivation to become a hero revealed itself: she feels a deep, intrinsic happiness when witnessing the happiness of others. Her desire as a hero is to spread relief, the sense of security that allows people to go about their days smiling. She literally feels happiest when everyone around her is happy.

Even more so than Deku, this casts Uraraka as Shigaraki’s diametric opposite in the story, because Shigaraki’s entire pipe dream goal also hinges on the smiles of others--and how absolutely much he hates them. Shigaraki’s goal is total world destruction because he just resents the happiness of others that fucking much.

On the surface alone it’s more fascinating than the story will probably ever live up to: Ochako, the heroine who wants to spread smiles; Shigaraki, the villain who wants to destroy them. Even if we’re just talking canon, zero romance involved, that would still be an interesting conflict to explore. The story could cover a lot of deeper ground by drawing the comparison between these two characters more directly. It would definitely validate Uraraka being involved in more major plot events, at the very least.

BUT this was supposed to be about shipping, so of course I can’t leave it there, and leaving it there would only be half the story anyway, because nobody is born hating smiles. Everything we’ve seen of Shigaraki’s past so far indicates that he was a kid with a cute dog, a warm relationship with his sister, and an interest in heroes--i.e., a decent life that probably included his own fair share of smiles. Shigaraki’s hatred and resentment are direct products of the traumatic manipulation he suffered at AFO’s hands. He despises the idea that people around him can smile and act upbeat, even when they objectively know villains are lurking all around them. He is actually sick to his stomach at the idea of people blindly putting their faith in heroes, knowing what he does: that heroes often fail, that there are many people who desperately need to be rescued and are instead overlooked. The world failed Shimura Tenko and then had the nerve to keep on smiling without him.

Other people’s smiles represent nothing but the joy, security, love, and peace that Shigaraki Tomura hasn’t experienced since the day his quirk manifested. The sight of any living thing fills Shigaraki with rage because everything bright and beautiful, everything good and calm and kind and soft and warm, is everything that Shigaraki has lost and believes he will never, ever get to experience again.

Shigaraki doesn’t really hate the pure happy smiles of others; he hates the fact that the world has taken away every single thing he ever had to smile about.

It is my belief that Horikoshi is hinting at a redemption arc for Shigaraki, especially as we see the League become closer allies. But Shigaraki can’t be completely redeemed, can’t be persuaded to give up his world-destruction plan, until he can look at the smiles of others without scorn. Until the bright, upbeat attitudes of heroes other people no longer feel like a personal attack. Until he’s happy enough that the happiness of others no longer hurts. Until the weight is lifted.

And I can’t think of any character more obviously suited to helping lift an immense weight than Uraraka, the zero gravity hero who wants nothing more than to spread smiles.

8) Speaking of lifting weights... Kacchako is a popular ship stemming in large part from Bakugou’s refusal to treat Uraraka with kid gloves. He faces her head-on as a real opponent and views her like any other hero hopeful.

As I’ve said before, this is pretty much the most respectfully the series itself has ever treated Uraraka Ochako, and it caught a lot of attention because it was one of the rare occasions that a female pro hero-in-training was really treated as an equal to the male characters. Kacchako shippers had something awesome to work with.

But... You know who else treats women as equals? (Hell, you know who treats literally everyone as equals, from those with mutant quirks to trans people to those with severe mental health issues?) You can say what you want about Shigaraki’s habit of, you know, mass murder, but in terms of viewing others equally and respecting (okay, let’s be real, it’s probably closer to just ignoring) differences, Tomura is about as open-minded as BNHA characters come. The League is an equal opportunity employer.

Unlike actual hero characters, Shigaraki has never once suggested that Toga is incapable of keeping up with any of the male members of the League, and in fact has entrusted her with many of the League’s most dangerous and crucial missions. He explicitly has faith in her ability and skill.

Toga’s right there in the fight against Gigantomachia and the QLA, as much an equal member of the League as anyone else. In terms of gender equality, the villains seem to be light-years ahead of their hero counterparts, and Shigaraki in particular doesn’t discriminate, among his allies or his opponents either. He’s not a “spare the women and children” kind of guy; every hero and villain challenger is treated with equal violence (and equal snark), whether they’re male, female, a long-time pro or a student in training.

In whatever context--canon opponent, AU ally, or a future romantic interest--Shigaraki would take Ochako just as seriously as Bakugou did. If you like Kacchako because Bakugou doesn’t dismiss Uraraka, that same dynamic would be present in Shigako too.

9) And on the topic of Shigaraki and women... It doesn’t feel accidental that every single female character who ever had love for Shigaraki has been taken away from him. A distinct part of Shigaraki’s storyline is that all positive female role models have been systematically removed from his life. He lost his grandmother, a hero he could have looked up to; he lost his mother, who he now has no memory of; he lost the older sister he clearly held dear... All For One’s control over Tomura has always been total, but this particular detail feels especially insidious: was All For One’s spite for Nana so strong that he delighted in deliberately destroying every single relationship Tenko had with women connected to Nana’s legacy? (Or is AFO perhaps just a raging misogynist? Every single one of his known associates is male and he seemed to despise and mock Nana particularly hard...)

In any case, the point I’m trying to make here is that, even ruling love interests out, Shigaraki’s storyline would be enriched by forging a meaningful connection with a female character like Ochako. Acceptance--maybe even some grudging admiration--for a female hero? A fantastic opportunity to show just how different the “villains” are from the discriminatory society that produced them. Supporting friendship while he’s on the road to recovery? A+ way to diversify interactions between the male and female cast. Send a tough girl to Tartarus to question his motives? Nice chance for tense dialogue and some good old noire-esque foe yay. Hostage situation that takes a turn for the surprisingly cordial? Fun way to explore different dynamics and humanize the villains because hey, they treated the “damsel” to dinner shortbread cookies. My god, Shigaraki could even develop some positive sense of rivalry with a woman, for example! The possibilities are endless if you’re actually willing to give female characters a shot!

Being more serious, Tomura’s life has been dramatically marked by the loss of his female family members, and--at least from what we know so far--his entire youth was spent without the presence of reliable friendships, let alone any form of “love” that wasn’t disturbingly fake. Beyond his fragmented memories, he has no models for healthy relationships, romantic or otherwise.

Letting Shigaraki develop to the point that he could form a mutually positive relationship with a female hero character would be extremely cathartic for me as a reader. I don’t mean “rewarding redemption with a last-minute happy ending romance”--I mean actually getting the opportunity to watch Tomura rediscover what it means to be genuinely loved and realize he has the capacity to give love and be happy in return...

Reaching that level of mutual support and closeness--especially with a female pro hero--would be the biggest “FUCK YOU” that Shigaraki could give to All For One, short of, you know, actually killing him.

Shigaraki Tomura has a critical (and deliberate) lack of healthy connections to women. BNHA, coincidentally, has a criminally under-utilized female lead just twiddling her thumbs over here, waiting for a meaningful plotline to be thrown her way.

Sure, putting AFO in prison is cool and all, but have you considered... crushing his pride and legacy of evil by helping the boy he tortured for years learn to love again? I’m just sayin’!

Uraraka Ochako, snatching Shigaraki right the fuck out of AFO’s hands:

10) Basically what the whole thing boils down to is this: Shigaraki Tomura needs a hero.

Don’t mistake my meaning. A lot of “girl meets bad boy” plots end up amounting to “girl becomes emotionally responsible for fixing bad boy’s issues,” and that’s not what I’m gunning for--Shigaraki has to redeem himself because redemption is only meaningful when it stems from the character’s own inner desire to change; I’m not quite rose-tinted enough to buy into the Love Redeems trope myself. I’m definitely not advocating anyone dump Shigaraki Tomura as he is now into Uraraka Ochako’s lap and expect her to turn him from a beast to a beauty. It’s not an unrelated woman’s responsibility to fix a broken man.

But! From a reader’s perspective, I think we can agree: Shigaraki’s redemption cannot be complete until he learns to believe in real heroes. He doesn’t have to like them. He doesn’t have to support hero society. But he has to be able to look at real heroes like Izuku and Ochako and admit that they are doing what’s right--that society is a better place because they are here. Shigaraki’s path to recovery can’t even begin until he’s capable of at least acknowledging that the world has things worth saving in it.

If Horikoshi moves forward with a redemption arc for Shigaraki, it will probably be Deku who Detroit Smashes the message of truly noble heroes into Shigaraki’s head. That’s his job as the resident Warrior Therapist, I suppose. But you know... to me, it might be even more meaningful if Shigaraki’s hero--if the hand that reaches out to rescue him--isn’t The Hero’s™ but just a hero’s. We all know Deku is selfless and good to the core. As All Might’s perfect successor, he really has nothing to prove. It’s everyone else who is in question. It’s the whole rest of hero society that owes Shigaraki Tomura an explanation for the suffering of people like the League’s members. It’s everyone else who needs to prove they can do better--that in the future, there will be no bloody children left abandoned in back alleyways.

Uraraka Ochako’s conviction is to save people. As a female hero who hasn’t lived a privileged life, she’s uniquely situated to think about those who are most often overlooked. In a world where violence begets violence, where only those with strength and flash excel, what a powerful message it would send for the terrifying antagonist to effectively be rescued by someone the story itself has called “a frail girl.” At the end of the day, heroics isn’t supposed to be about mountain-destroying explosions and mach punches--heroics is supposed to be about heart, about reaching out a gentle helping hand, about spreading smiles to those who need them most.

Tomura’s faith in heroes has been brutally stripped from him, and every part of his conflict is tied up intimately with his misdirected hatred: it wasn’t actually heroes who isolated and hurt him--it was villains. In order to move forward, he will have to come to that horrible realization, deal with that means for himself and his place in the world, and recognize the truth: there are goodness and good people in the world. Selfless heroes, those who wouldn’t turn their backs on a crying child, do exist. There are people, even now, who would extend a kind hand to Shigaraki Tomura and do their best to bring a real smile to his face. Because that’s what’s really going on, after all.

Shimura Tenko is still waiting to be saved.

And I know just the person to do it.

438 notes · View notes

lost-caticorn · 6 years ago

Text

My compulsory heterosexuality story

After letting this post in my drafts for a few weeks I’ve finally decided to put it out there in this wild tumblr world! 🙌 Today is lesbian visibility day and it’s a perfect time to talk a bit about why it took me years to accept myself as a lesbian.

I’ve identified as bisexual/pansexual for approximately 5 years from 16 to 21 years old. I took me so long to figure out that I was actually a lesbian and the reasons why are mostly the following:

1. Internalised homophobia

2. Lack of representation

3. Compulsory heterosexuality / Compulsive heteronormativity

I don’t know if this will be useful for anyone but I thought I’d share how these have impacted me for years.

1. Internalised homophobia

This one is the fact that I first learned the word “lesbian” as an insult before I even learned anything at all about homosexuality.

It’s the fact that people I barely knew would come up to me and ask “are you a lesbian?” almost spitting out those words of their mouth as if it was something utterly disgusting.

It was my relatives joking about lesbians being ugly or telling me that they’d cry if I ever told them I liked girls.

I am now an adult but it is still difficult for me to use the word “lesbian” because my entire life it was associated only with negativity. I took me so long to accept that I like women. I went from “Ok maybe I’m pan but I mainly like men.” to “I’ll use bi because more people understand and I’ll explain that I am still attracted to men!” to “Am I… Really bi? Maybe I just like men for like 10%?”.

The fact that still to this day have trouble to identify with the word lesbian is sad and really reflects how little society is actually accepting of us.

2. Lack of Representation

Now that I’m looking back at my life I think it would have helped me so much to have some kind of a lesbian model. The first encounter I had with homosexuality was through yaoi (genre of manga where the story is centered around gay men). I still read a lot of these to this day and while there are a lot of criticism to do about it I am truly grateful I had access to them because without this genre I wouldn’t have had any idea that you could be gay and happy/healthy/in a loving relationship.

Growing up and during adolescence I had no healthy portrayal of women loving women around me. None. The only representations of lesbian couples I had were fetishised by men or about abusive relationships. I wish I had access earlier to movies, TV shows, youtube videos and overall healthier representations of lesbian couples.

3. Compulsory heteronormativity

This one was and still is so tricky. There are already a few ressources on Tumblr about this so if you have no idea of what that is I recommend you search “comp het” or “compulsory heteronormativity”. I think you’ll find pretty good posts about it. What I want to write here is precisely how it affected me and how I recently realised that it wasn’t real attraction.

a) Obsessing over Kpop boy groups: When I was 16 I discovered Kpop and for about two years I almost exclusively stanned boys groups. I’m not saying that every girl who stans boy groups are lesbian in denial but for me this is exactly what it was. I would spend my days watching those beautiful yet completely unattainable boys just so that I could reassure myself. “See? I think these boys are attractive so I’m definitely into men!”. I’d have so many internal monologues about why I was definitely bisexual because there was no way I wasn’t attracted to these beautiful, talented men!

Thing is, I wasn’t. One day I just realised that even if one of my favourite Kpop idol would show up and offer me to have a romantic/sexual relationship with him…. I wouldn’t want it.

b) Crushes on fictional characters: this one is pretty similar to the last point so I won’t make it too long but basically it’s the same mechanism. I would imagine a story with a guy exactly like my favourites characters and I would tell myself that I was still a bit straight because I could picture myself with a man… Ok maybe with an awfully specific and unrealistic man but in my head it worked and this was enough to convince me that I was still at least a bit straight.

c) Having crushes on boys. I had 2 major boy crushes in my life (and I mean real life, not celebrities or fictional characters) and a few others that weren’t really important. The fact that I had those “crushes” is one of the main reasons why I thought I couldn’t be a lesbian.

But then…. I recently had my first “real” crush on a girl and I realised so many things about myself! I was finally able to compare my feelings in both situations and this is what made me realise that I like women and not men. Even just having a crush feels so different.

Boy crush: I am super nervous, I fantasy about him when he’s not around but when he is I feel trapped in my own head and I don’t really want to talk to him, I don’t text him because I have nothing I want to share with him, I feel self conscious because I want to be seen as desirable by him, I have an occasion of spending time with him but I decline (multiple times), I convince myself that we shouldn’t be together (we’re too young, I have to focus on studying, he’s not the one,…). Overall I don’t really try to know him more I just spend time imagining what he could be like.

Girl crush: I am overwhelmed by happiness when I spend time with her, when she’s not with me I think about her, I send her many texts because there is so much that I want to share with her, I want to hear her opinions, I’m excited to learn new things about her, I find her attractive and I fantasy about getting intimate with her, I can imagine a future with her while very much enjoying the current situation. Overall I want to know her more to discover more of her that I can love, I want to spend time with her and become a part of her life. I feel bubbly around her and I don’t want it to stop.

—> Although what I felt was love, it wasn’t truly directed at these boys. I was in love with the feeling of cherishing someone… not with the individual itself.

Soooo that’s it. These are basically the reasons why I never thought I could be a lesbian. I know this was a super long post but I enjoyed writing it for myself and for anyone it’ll maybe help discerning their own feelings.

#lesbian visibility #compulsive heteronormativity #internalised homophobia #self discovery #lack of representation #lesbophobia #lesbian #comp het #wlw #sapphic #lgbtq+#lgbt #bisexual #compulsory heterosexuality #homophobia #lesbian crush

180 notes · View notes

maddie-grove · 5 years ago

Text

Bi-Monthly Reading Round-Up (November/December)

Playlist

“Fallin’ for You” by Sheila Nicholls (The Perilous Gard)

“Come on Over to My Place” by the Drifters (A Gentleman Never Keeps Score)

“Bobby Jean” by Bruce Springsteen (Eleanor and Park)

“Seasons in the Sun” by Terry Jacks (One Perfect Rose)

“A Sailor’s Prayer” by Ann Price and Marilyn Maltzer (Broken Wing)

“Winter Lady” by Leonard Cohen (When a Duchess Says I Do)

“Dance Music” by the Mountain Goats (What Hearts)*

“Sweet Talkin’ Guy” by the Chiffons (Jean and Johnny)

“Know Your Onion!” by the Shins (Lost at Sea)

“The Snake and the Bookworm” by Cliff Richard (Tempting the Bride)

“Everybody Loves Me but You” by Brenda Lee (Someone to Remember)

*I also seriously considered both “I’ll Meet You Halfway” by the Partridge Family and “Sports Analogies” from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. It’s a complex book!

Best of the Bi-Month

The Perilous Gard by Elizabeth Marie Pope (1974): In the late 1550s, grave, awkward Kate Sutton is banished to a remote castle in the east of England. She’s greeted by superstitious locals, shady servants, an often-absent lord, and the lord’s guilt-ridden (and hot) younger brother. Bored and irritated by all the drama, Kate questions the circumstances of the tragedy that haunts the family. I didn’t have high expectations for this book, which I bought primarily for the gorgeous Richard Cuffari illustrations, but I was blown away. Pope creates a sublimely uncanny setting in a surprising way, and Kate is a wonderful protagonist: principled, rational, and compassionate beneath her no-nonsense exterior.

Worst of the Bi-Month

Someone to Remember by Mary Balogh (2019): In her youth, Lady Matilda Westcott rejected Charles Sawyer’s proposal at the urging of her parents, who thought him too wild. Now she’s fifty-six, loved by her extended family but stuck caring for an unappreciative elderly mother. The marriage of her niece and Charles’s estranged illegitimate son brings them together again, but she never expects anything to come of it...like a total fool. This is a cute novella with compelling family dynamics. I also appreciated the solidly middle-aged protagonists, although Balogh presents them a little too timidly, like a mom trying to get a picky eight-year-old to try asparagus.

Rest of the Bi-Month

A Gentleman Never Keeps Score by Cat Sebastian (2018): Once-popular Hartley Sedgwick is languishing in the huge townhouse his godfather left him, shunned by nearly everyone for his sexuality. Then Sam Fox, a black pugilist-turned-tavern-keeper, tries to sneak into the house to find a nude portrait of an embarrassed friend. Moved by Sam’s decency, Hartley offers his assistance in finding the portrait. As I explained in my post about my favorite Regency romance novels, I adore this book for the way Hartley and Sam’s love story is mirrored and enhanced by portrayals of many other kinds of love, between brothers and friends and parents and children and neighbors and also one very homely dog.

Eleanor and Park by Rainbow Rowell (2012): Park, a geeky half-Korean teenager in 1986, keeps his head down and barley avoids outright ostracism in his poor, mostly white Omaha neighborhood. Eleanor, the weird white girl who shares his bus seat, is tormented at school and at home. They have no interest in being friends, but they slowly bond and fall in love over music and comics. What I liked most about this bittersweet YA novel was the ways in which the protagonists improved each other’s lives. With Park and his loving family, Eleanor gets to let down her defenses, while Eleanor’s boldness inspires Park to embrace his differences. I do wish that Park’s side of things had been developed more, however.

One Perfect Rose by Mary Jo Putney (1997): Upon learning that he’s terminally ill, Stephen, the Duke of Ashburton, freaks out and goes on an incognito tour of the English countryside without telling his family. He ends up joining an acting troupe run by the boisterous Fitzgerald family and falling in love with their adopted daughter/stage manager, Rosalind, despite the many reasons they have no future together. (Or do they?) This is a good, old-fashioned weepy romance that’s elevated by Putney’s serious attention to the theme of reconciling with one’s mortality. There’s also some extremely late-1990s New-Age-ish stuff going on, which sometimes felt a little silly but was still charming.

Broken Wing by Judith James (2008): When unconventional countess Sarah finds her long-lost little brother at a Parisian brothel, she’s overjoyed, appalled, and relieved that he was protected by sex worker Gabriel St. Croix. Grateful, she offers Gabriel a reward and insists he come to live with her and her family. This is another tear-jerking, charmingly dated romance; I felt like a teenager again, reading top-shelf angsty fanfiction. It’s best in the slow-burn first half, during which Gabriel must adjust to a massive reversal of fortune after a lifetime of trauma. The more action-packed second half makes great use of the unusual late 1790s/early 1800s setting, but it does feel hurried.

When a Duchess Says I Do by Grace Burrowes (2019): Widowed Matilda Wakefield, the Duchess of Bosendorf, has been on the run since getting mixed up in her diplomat dad’s clandestine activities. An encounter with scholarly Duncan Wentworth lands her a live-in secretarial position at his rural estate. They connect with each other, but how can love grow when they’re the object of multiple sinister plots? While this entry in the Wentworth series is not as incandescently lovely as My One and Only Duke, I’m still a sucker for spooky country houses, responsible-household-management plots, and sad early-middle-aged heroes. Burrowes is also an excellent writer, and I’m glad that I discovered her.

What Hearts by Bruce Brooks (1992): Sensitive Asa excels at school but struggles at home, thanks to his mother’s severe mental illness and his stepfather Dave’s emotional abuse. Divided into four novella-like sections, the novel follows Asa from his parents’ divorce in first grade to his first love in seventh. I liked parts of this weird, sober book when I read it as a kid, and I felt the same this time. It’s got brilliant moments, most involving Asa and Dave’s relationship, but there’s a lot of telling-not-showing in between. Brooks also can’t seem to decide on the time period; it’s probably supposed to be set 1965-1971, but it always feels like 1963, and you can only blame so much of that on the North Carolina setting.

Jean and Johnny by Beverly Cleary (1959): Short, bespectacled, and working-class, fifteen-year-old Jean feels invisible at her high school until handsome upperclassman Johnny Chessler starts paying attention to her. She’s thrilled, but her parents and sister warn against chasing him. I didn’t like this book much in middle school, but I revisited it because it occurred to me that Jean was a lesbian. Having reread it, I know I was wrong on two counts: Jean is unfortunately not a lesbian (she clearly thinks Johnny’s hot), and the book’s not that depressing. Jean’s no sad sack who’s doomed to a life of grimly chaste square dancing; she’s a legit snack who becomes increasingly self-assured and assertive.

Lost at Sea by Bryan Lee O’Malley (2003): Raleigh, a Canadian eighteen-year-old, hitches a ride back home from California with some classmates she hardly knows after a meeting with her long-distance boyfriend ends in heartbreak. Lonely and a little disconnected from reality--she maintains the belief that her mom somehow sold her soul, which now resides in a stray cat--Raleigh slowly makes friends with her travelling companions and finds some piece of mind. Although nothing much happens in this short graphic novel, it’s one of the most authentically just-graduated-high-school stories I’ve ever read. I could relate to those feelings of fear and disappointment even in the face of exciting new possibilities.

Tempting the Bride by Sherry Thomas (2012): David Hillsborough, Lord Hastings, has desired Helena Fitzhugh, first-wave feminist and successful fiction editor, since they were kids together, but he’s always hidden behind insulting remarks. When Helena’s affair with a married man ends in scandal, though, she unhappily accepts David’s offer of marriage in order to cover it up. Then she gets hit by a carriage and loses every memory she formed after her mid-teens, which happens to be when she met David. Thomas always has an engaging style and deals with even outlandish plots in a sophisticated way, and her take on the 13 Going on 30 plot is enjoyable. However, it is rushed at the end.

#theme of the bi-month: oh no he's hot #books #reading

2 notes · View notes

ticklishhpickle · 6 years ago

Text

The Fault in Our Education System

Summary:

In which Dan pines over the two things he can’t have- contentment with his grades and Phil Lester- before he realises that both might not be as unattainable as they seem.

Something you need to read if you can’t stop defining yourself by grades (like me).

Length: 3k

Ao3 link

Dan walked out of the exam room, plonked himself on the nearest bench and promptly burst into tears.

He’d screwed up. He’d screwed it all up - why did Chemistry have to be so hard? He’d studied so hard for the exam as well, and now… now what did it matter? He’d felt so prepared going into the exam, too. Dan recalled the countless number of hours he’d spent revising, crouched over his desk with nothing but his textbook and pencil case keeping him company. This just wasn’t fair.

Now he wasn’t going to get a good mark on the exam, and his GPA would go down, and - and then he wouldn’t get into a good uni. And then all the money his parents had spent on his education would be for nothing.

Dan started crying even harder at this.

His classmates walked out of the exam, most not noticing him and the few who did giving him pitying glances. Dan tried his best to ignore them. He didn’t need pity - he just needed good grades.

He curled in on himself, hugging his knees to his chest. He let seconds, minutes pass him by as he sat on the bench ruminating for nothing. He couldn’t change it now.

Dan tried to steer his mind to better things, to brownies and video games and the cute freckles that dotted the nose of his crush.

Ah, Phil Lester.

You know what a good GPA and Phil Lester have in common? I can’t have either of them, Dan thought bitterly.

And wanna know what was even better than having a crush on a straight boy? Having a crush on a straight boy who was also your best friend. Phil was in Dan’s chemistry class. And English class. And history class. Dan and Phil had been going to the same school since prep, and Dan had been smitten with Phil for approximately the same amount of time. But Phil was too out of reach - Dan doubted he even noticed Dan, let alone considered him someone he would date. Why did all the cute guys have to be straight?

Phil had dated quite a few girls at their school - Tracy Robinson in the the fourth grade, Greta Harris in the seventh, and most recently Katie Tao in the 10th. They’d broken up last summer holidays, much to Dan’s relief. Every time Phil was dating someone, Dan was dying inside. Thank god he was a good actor, or his pathetic little crush would have been revealed years ago by his jealous streak.

Spending so much time with his crush and stressing over his grades so much, Dan’s poor heart was in a perpetual state of palpitation. It wasn’t fun.

Last year, just before a history test Phil had accidentally brushed his hand over Dan’s, causing his heart to nearly jump out of his chest.

“You okay?” Phil had said, kind blue eyes looking down at him with concern.

“Y-yep!” Dan had squeaked back, his soul basically descending out of his own body. The anxiety from a test and from direct contact with his crush combined were too much for his lanky body to handle.

Phil was kind, smart, funny and had the most beautiful eyes Dan had ever seen. If only Phil felt the same. It was quite sad, really, how Phil’s touch had the ability to send Dan’s heart racing even after all these years.

This long-winded train of thoughts about his unrequited pining over his best friend had done nothing to cheer Dan up, and soon tears were pouring out of his eyes at an alarming fast rate once again. The boy was aggressively blowing his nose into a handkerchief when he was interrupted by a voice,

“Grades don’t define you, you know?”

Dan looked up from his blowing, and felt his face flush when he saw who it was. Phil. He quickly wiped his nose and threw the tissue in the bin next to the bench, praying to every deity he didn’t believe in that the most perfect man on earth wasn’t too disgusted by him right now.

Dan was at a loss for words, and only managed to flick his eyes up at Phil’s gorgeous face before falling back into his pathetic sobs. Oh god, why was he such a mess? He buried his head into his chest, accepting that Phil wouldn’t judge him- he’d seen Dan like this far too many times to count.

“I mean it, Dan.” Phil continued, tentatively sitting down next to the sobbing boy.

“And chemistry’s a little bitch anyway, yeah? Everyone found the exam horrible. I’m sure you did better than you think.”

Dan slowly lifted his head up, using all of his courage to look at Phil.

“B-but I especially fucked up. I’m never going to get in to a good uni now.” Dan choked out, hiccuping with sobs.

“You will, Dan. You would have done fine, you studied so hard for this, I know you did. And the rest of your subjects would have been good too.”

Dan’s cries came to an abrupt stop when he felt a long arm wrap around him, pulling him closer to the body beside him.

This was too much contact for him to handle. Dan had always made sure to keep Phil at an arm’s length, literally. Phil was under the false impression that Dan disliked physical contact - well, it wasn’t entirely false. He did dislike physical contact - but only the kind that was Phil, and only because of how giddy it made him.

“I don’t like school.” Dan mumbled into the other boy’s chest. Phil laughed, and Dan felt something warm spread inside of him. He loved that sound.

“No one does. But it’s over now.”

“It is?”

“That’s our last exam, isn’t it? Now we just have our graduation ceremony, and we’re free.” Phil said, grinning.

“I guess so.” Dan replied blandly, suddenly aware of the puffiness under his eyes. Crying in public was such a hoot, wasn’t it?

He squirmed uncomfortably as silence settled in between them. Phil’s arm had long vanished from Dan’s back, now he was playing with his long pale fingers. In fact, he looked a little nervous.

“Wanna get out of here?”

Dan nodded eagerly, ready to leave the premises of his tragic academic defeat.

“Where?”

“Nowhere in particular,” was the vague reply Dan got. Phil’s eyes were dancing mischievously.

Dan looked at Phil’s soft hand, dissatisfied with Phil’s vague answer to his question. He took it anyway.

“Okay, open your eyes.” Phil had forced Dan to keep his eyes closed for the entire 15 minute walk to wherever the hell Phil had taken him. The whole walk over, Dan still struggled to shake the feelings of inadequacy clogging his brain. Phil had served to distract him a little back at the school, but with nothing but the sound of his own feet crunching against twigs, Dan’s brain had resorted back to its terrible rumination patterns.

His parents had paid their hard-earned money to send him to such a good school. He needed to be a lawyer. But he couldn’t be a lawyer. Not with a GPA of negative 2. Okay, maybe his GPA wouldn’t become negative 2 just because of the exam, but right now it felt like it.

Dan recalled the utter feeling of dread that had flooded his body when the examiner declared that time was up. It felt as if a stone had been thrown down his chest, squashing any feelings of hope he’d had to do well on this exam.

If that wasn’t enough, Phil for some reason had decided that the best way to keep Dan from seeing where they were going was to cover his eyes with his hands!!! Was he trying to kill Dan? His whole face had turned bright red from the contact- he hoped Phil hadn’t noticed.

“Dan, are you crying again?” Phil asked. Phil’s hands were tightly covering Dan’s eyes, but he was sure Phil was frowning.

“N-no.” Dan replied, fully aware that Phil would see through the lie.

“Then why can I feel your tears on my hands?”

“It’s sweat.”

“Yes. Sweat from your eyes. Aka tears.” Phil took his hands off Dan’s eyes and wiped away the stray tears that had fallen.

“You are more than your grades, Dan.”

“It doesn’t feel like it.” Dan sniffed, keeping his eyes shut tight to hide from Phil the next wave of tears threatening to fall.

“Open your eyes.”

Dan gasped at the sight before him. Monkey bars he’d spent hours upon hours, climbing, falling off stood tall and proud. The slide he’d burnt his ass on multiple times was there, its presence reminding him of better days. And best of all, the merry-go-round he’d first met Phil at was there, where it had always been.

“Are we even allowed to be here?”

“Probably not. But school’s out, there are no kids here. We won’t be arrested, I promise.

Follow me!” Phil grinned his award winning smile, and who was Dan to say no to that?

Dan followed Phil to the merry go round, and nearly fell over when Phil abruptly began spinning it. “Now Mr. Daniel. Tell me why you think your grades define you.”

Dan rolled his eyes. They’d had this conversation a thousand times. Nothing productive ever came from it - Dan would always continue to be a perfectionist about his grades.

“Because- I’m not good at anything else. They’re all I have.” “Well that’s just not true. For one thing, you’re hilarious.”

“Really?” “Anyone who talks to you would know that, Dan.”

Dan blushed red at this, his stomach flipping upside down. God, he needed to get a grip. And over his best friend. And better grades.

Phil frowned at Dan’s lack of response, but remained silent and jumped onto the merry go round. It was now in full swing.

Dan willed his brain not to think about the damned chemistry exam anymore, choosing instead to focus on the boy he’d pined over for years.

Sure, Phil considered Dan his best friend, but he knew that was the extent of his feelings towards Dan. They’d grown up together and survived high school together as well (barely) - Phil probably thought of Dan as a brother! It didn’t mean anything that Phil always offered to take him out for ice cream after school, or that he was always walking to classes with him- that was purely out of friendship, as much as he wished it meant something more. Phil was straight.

After a few minutes of spinning, Dan started feeling a little nauseous, and clearly Phil felt the same because he stuck his foot out onto the ground, bringing the merry go round to an abrupt stop.

“Well I don’t know about you, but I think I’ve had enough of that for one day.” Phil groaned, clutching his stomach a little.

“Tell me about it, I feel so sick.” Dan stared woefully at his feet, head spinning with thoughts about his GPA once again.

“What do you want to do after high school?” Phil asked suddenly, turning his head towards Dan.

“Law. You know this.” He answered quickly, sighing a little.

“I think you misheard me, Dan.”

“I don’t think I did?”

“You told me what your parents want you to do after high school, not what you want to do. You say ‘law’ every time we talk about this and I haven’t pushed it, but I want to know.”

“It’s embarrassing.”

Phil gave him a look as if to say ‘I’m your best friend, you goof, nothing is embarrassing between us anymore.’

He sighed.

“Fine. Something artsy. I love theatre and writing. But it doesn’t matter. I need to do law - which is why it matters that I fucked the exam so bad. I’m hopeless.”

“No you’re not, Dan. I know it seems like it now, because we’re in the midst of all these crappy assessments and such, but there’s a life beyond this.” Dan just shook his head.

“Okay. As morbid as it sounds, imagine you’re on your deathbed.”

“What?”

“Hear me out. You’re on the brink of death, and your whole life is flashing before your eyes. You’re thinking about your first kiss, your first best friend- me, the smile on your dad’s face and the happy tears in your mum’s eyes when you move out…”

“I don’t know where you’re going with this.”

“But you know what you’re not thinking about? Your grades. It doesn’t matter in the end what marks we get, or how much money we make, because we are humans and we can’t be defined by numbers. People don’t remember numbers. They remember how you made them feel.”

Phil looked at Dan to check he was still listening, took a deep breath and continued.

“And when it’s your time to go, you’re going to remember all these special moments in your life, and you’re going to regret beating yourself up so much just for losing a couple of marks.”

Phil’s words hit him like a ton of bricks. Why was Dan letting numbers define him? The past couple of years he’d just been stressing over his grades, crying when he’d lose one mark out of 25 on a test. What a waste of time.

Dan was brought back to grade school, where he’d cried over the A he’d gotten on his maths test. He’d wanted an A+. Phil had made Dan brownies and assured Dan that their maths teacher, Mrs Oak was a big ‘stinky poo’ for giving Dan an A when he obviously deserved an A+.

He remembered year 7 when Dan felt like the work was really getting serious, but Phil had forced him to play video games with him when he found out Dan had spent an entire week cooped up in his room, studying. He’d let Dan sleep over and made him his favourite foods, telling him how he was going to be just fine, joking that ‘year 7 was such a meme anyway, it would eventually go stale and the work wouldn’t even matter anymore’.

Dan smiled fondly at the memories, even though his chest was tight with two profound realisations- 1. He had to stop defining himself by grades for his own sanity, and 2. He’d probably never be able to fall out of love with Phil Lester. He was doomed.

“You know, school’s practically over. We’ll be free and I won’t have to see any of my exes anymore.” Phil mused, snapping Dan out of his thoughts.

He was right… how had Dan not realised- he was finishing high school! He’d never have to see any of the assholes from his school again.

“Ugh, I can’t wait.” Dan said, smiling at his friend.

“Yeah, I think I might regret some things, though.” Phil said quietly, sitting back down next to Dan. When Phil extended his arms out as he sat, for a brief moment Dan thought he was going to put his arm around him again but no, he was just stretching. He tried not to be too disappointed.

“Really? Like what?” Dan replied, intrigued.

Now it was Phil’s turn to blush, pale cheeks very obviously reddening.

“Well, I- erm. This is embarrassing.”

Dan gave him the same look Phil had given him only minutes ago, the one that said ‘I’m your best friend, you goof, nothing is embarrassing between us anymore.’

“Okay fine. I’ve had a crush on someone for years and I’ve never told them.”

“Oh my gosh, who? And wait - years? But you’ve had girlfriends during that time!” Dan asked, desperately trying to mask the jealousy in his voice. Whoever this person was who Phil liked was damn lucky.

“Yeah, about that. I kind of just, fake-dated all of them to make my crush jealous. Didn’t really work. He didn’t even seem to care.”

He? Dan’s eyes widened.

“He’s really cute, you know. He’s got these soft brown eyes that are the colour of a caramel mocha latte. And his hair looks so damn fluffy, it’s brown, just like his eyes and I’ve always wanted to touch it. I’ve just been too scared to ask.”

Phil’s voice was barely audible now, lighter than a feather. He sounded small and fragile and like the most vulnerable boy in the world. Dan just wanted to hold him and comfort him, but instead he remained silent. He was too stunned by his friend’s words to form a proper response.

“And he’s really funny, too. Not everyone notices, but he makes the funniest comments under his breath. He always has something clever to say- even if not everyone is clever enough to listen.” Dan searched Phil’s face for any signs of humour, but all he found was the vulnerability of a wounded deer.

His breath hitched. Was this really happening? Was it possible that Phil Lester, seemingly straightest boy in the world, liked Dan back? This is what he’d only dreamt about for literal years- how was this even real life?

Brown eyes met blue and fuck, Dan was falling even harder for the boy in front of him if that was possible. Without thinking, Dan leant over and pecked Phil’s cheek, causing a blush to erupt on both boys’ faces.

Wait. Fuck. Dan quickly pulled back.

“Were you talking about me or have I just made this really awkward?”

Phil smiled the most beautiful smile Dan had ever seen, his eyes shining with a mix of adoration and relief. He held a hand out to Dan and stood up,

“Both, if possible.”

He breathed a sigh of relief, before taking Phil’s hand in his own. He laced their fingers together contentedly, just letting himself enjoy the moment that would shape the rest of his life.

For once, he wasn’t thinking about grades, or universities, or disappointing his parents. He was just content where he was, and ecstatic about who he was with. And little did Dan know, but this would come to be one of those ‘special moments’ Phil was talking about. It would be known as the day he no longer defined himself by numbers, and even more importantly - the day his best friend became something more.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: I screwed up a final assessment today and am feeling super angsty and need to get this off my chest and gosh I hope this helps other people who have issues with perfectionism and grades LMAO I HATE MY LIFE. I hope this helps people, because school honestly sucks and we do need to look at the bigger picture as hard as it is sometimes.

78 notes · View notes

phoenixninja101 · 4 years ago

Text

My Answers:

1. What was the first fandom where you developed a ship?

Technically Ninjago, but I started reading fan fictions for a ship I developed from internet influence in the SonicTH fandom.

2. What pairing was your first or original OTP/ship?

My first would be Jay x Nya from Ninjago.

3. What ship are you currently obsessed with and why?

BakuDeku, enough said.

4. What is your favorite OTP of all time?

Again, BakuDeku.

5. What is your favorite OT3?

Probably BakuDekuTodo rn...

6. What is your favorite poly-ship?

Dekubowl and AllKuro, because why not?

7. What are your top five ships of all time?

BakuDeku

TodoDeku

IzuOcha

AkaKuro

KagaKuro

8. Describe your favorite ship in seven words or less.

Passionate in all senses, both are driven.

9. What drew you to your favorite ship?

It's not just the apparent compatibility from their history or character, but because they provide us authors so much content to use for the fandom.

10. Which ship do you most want to become canon?

BakuDeku, of course, because Horikoshi is doing so much already.

11. If the creators of your favorite fandom asked you to write the ship canon-confirmation episode, what will you write/how will it happen?

I would write them the way they are canonically portrayed because they cannot be anymore gayer than that, but with more gay panic to nudge them.

12. What ship do you most relate to?

AkaKuro, probably since I view my crush as someone unattainable like how Deku looks at Kacchan but I'm about as nonchalant as Kuroko.

13. Which character in your ship is your favorite and why?

It would be Midoriya Izuku (Deku). I've been told to have a protagonist type, plus he's just so lovable!

14. What ship did you like immediately?

KagaKuro, because they're just so cute like that despite the difference in personality, the chemistry was there.

15. What ship took a long time for you to like?

BakuDeku, because for a time I hated Bakugou and was more biased to Todoroki (TodoDeku).

16. What gif or screenshot most sums up your ship?

I chose this GIF specifically because BKDK is so emotionally constipated that they gotta go through extreme measures to deal with their feelings. It's exhausting, but that's why I love it.

17. What ship are you embarrassed to admit you like?

Augh, the Amy Rose harem honestly. I saw one female hedgehog and many males, while other girls were a different species so I just... yeah.

18. What fandom are you embarrassed to admit you like?

SonicTH, that fandom was a fucking nightmare.

19. What ship or ships do you absolutely cannot stand?

Proships, or adult x minor ships, plus other specific ones I cannot stand to see/read but chose to respect them (referring to legal ships i just don't like).

20. Do you have any rare ships?

SeroDeku? But a lot of Dekubowls include him, but not much spot light sadly...

21. For what fandom and/or character do you have multiple ships?

In the SonicTH and Ninjago fandoms, which is embarrassing but yeah. If you include my bias x harem, then there should be BNHA and KnB.

22. Do you have family members or close friends that share your ship?

I got my 8 year younger sister to adore all my ships because I show her the good parts. She's the only one who can ship boys x boys as well that I know of.

23. What song or songs remind you of your favorite fandom, character or ship?

Super Far for BakuDeku: The line "Don't be mean, if you wanna go. You can leave and leave my heart alone." Bakugou literally fell off a log and walked away from Deku, tormenting him after for little to no reasons at all.

24. Do you prefer to indulge in (consume or create) fanart or fanfic of your favorite ship?

Yes, absolutely. I like writing, and I wanna draw but I'm just not cut out for it.

25. If you create fanart, is it okay or would you like a writer to create a fic based on your art?

Not applicable to me, but I wouldn't mind if I were an artist.

26. If you create fanfiction, is it okay or would you like an artist to create art (drawings, banners, gifs, etc.) based on your stories?

YES. That would be an honor.

27. What is your favorite fanfic troupe?

Hate-to-Love relationships, of course. But I love Love-at-First-Sight as well with a dash of pining.

28. What fanfic troupe do you wish would go away?

Probably whatever trope glorifies non-cons/dub-cons, or rape.

29. What’s your favorite fanfic AU scenario or setting?

Canonical setting, but alternate universe would be a regular high school drama.

30. How many hours of the day do you spend thinking about your ship?

24/7.

31. How many hours of the day do you spend reading fanfic or looking at fanart or other media?

As long as there's nothing important to do, this is what I turn to.

32. What task are you most likely to procrastinate so you can indulge in your ship or fandom?

House chores, what else? (School work can't be put off, unfortunately.)

33. How many memorabilia’s do you own of your favorite fandom or ship (clothes, plushies, etc.)?

I have 14 keychains, one of each character significant to the plot, and 4 mugs.

34. If you could own one authentic item from your favorite fandom world, what would it be?

Uraraka Ochako's costume.

35. What’s your go-to episode or scene when you need ship feels?

BNHA S03, E23 & Movie 2: Heroes Rising for BKDK and KnB S03, E13-E16 (Teikou Days) & Last Game Movie for GoMKuro + OgiKuro.

36. Smut or fluff?

Fluff most of the time, but smut at times if there is a semblance of plot.

37. In what fandom do you enjoy meeting others or engaging fellow fans?

As much as I hate to admit it, KnB fandom is not as active as it once was for being a sports anime. I prefer to engage in the BNHA fandom because it's the most active, and there are so many fan-made contents for my stans and ships.

38. What fandom have you found to be too toxic to deal with?

The SonicTH fandom, main reason why I left. That fandom has existed for a long time, so a lot of traditionalists and entitled people exist there, who think their opinions are more valid than ours just because they've been there before us.

39. Is it okay for fellow shippers to engage you – ask you questions and get to know you via your shared ship?

Of course, I love making internet friends. The only problem is, I suck as socializing so I'd prefer it if they approach me first.

40. Do you have or would you consider getting a tattoo depicting your favorite ship or fandom?

I could deal with symbols, but not actual drawings on my skin, and as minimal as possible.

41. What is the strangest thing you’ve done to honor your favorite fandom, ship or character?

Defend them from someone I admire and prefer not to start a discourse with.

Shipping and Fandom Ask

Embrace your inner shipper! Send me a number and I’ll answer the question about my favorite ships or fandoms. Reblog to participate and let your ship flag fly!

1. What was the first fandom where you developed a ship? 2. What pairing was your first or original OTP/ship? 3. What ship are you currently obsessed with and why? 4. What is your favorite OTP of all time? 5. What is your favorite OT3? 6. What is your favorite poly-ship? 7. What are your top five ships of all time? 8. Describe your favorite ship in seven words or less. 9. What drew you to your favorite ship? 10. Which ship do you most want to become canon? 11. If the creators of your favorite fandom asked you to write the ship canon-confirmation episode, what will you write/how will it happen? 12. What ship do you most relate to? 13. Which character in your ship is your favorite and why? 14. What ship did you like immediately? 15. What ship took a long time for you to like? 16. What gif or screenshot most sums up your ship? 17. What ship are you embarrassed to admit you like? 18. What fandom are you embarrassed to admit you like? 19. What ship or ships do you absolutely cannot stand? 20. Do you have any rare ships? 21. For what fandom and/or character do you have multiple ships? 22. Do you have family members or close friends that share your ship? 23. What song or songs remind you of your favorite fandom, character or ship? 24. Do you prefer to indulge in (consume or create) fanart or fanfic of your favorite ship? 25. If you create fanart, is it okay or would you like a writer to create a fic based on your art? 26. If you create fanfiction, is it okay or would you like an artist to create art (drawings, banners, gifs, etc.) based on your stories? 27. What is your favorite fanfic troupe? 28. What fanfic troupe do you wish would go away? 29. What’s your favorite fanfic AU scenario or setting? 30. How many hours of the day do you spend thinking about your ship? 31. How many hours of the day do you spend reading fanfic or looking at fanart or other media? 32. What task are you most likely to procrastinate so you can indulge in your ship or fandom? 33. How many memorabilia’s do you own of your favorite fandom or ship (clothes, plushies, etc.)? 34. If you could own one authentic item from your favorite fandom world, what would it be? 35. What’s your go-to episode or scene when you need ship feels? 36. Smut or fluff? 37. In what fandom do you enjoy meeting others or engaging fellow fans? 38. What fandom have you found to be too toxic to deal with? 39. Is it okay for fellow shippers to engage you – ask you questions and get to know you via your shared ship? 40. Do you have or would you consider getting a tattoo depicting your favorite ship or fandom? 41. What is the strangest thing you’ve done to honor your favorite fandom, ship or character?

#PINstatus #boku no hero academia #bnha #mha #my hero academia #midoriya izuku #deku #bakudeku #bkdk #kuroko no basuke #knb #kuroko tetsuya #akakuro #dekubowl #fandom asks #q&a

877 notes · View notes

eremji · 7 years ago

Text

Thoughts on Infinity War, and Thanos' Motivation

Disclaimer: I'm not a Marvel expert. Some of my information on comic plots was collected from wikis and secondary articles, due to a lack of access to a primary source or the simple inaccuracy of my own memory. I also mostly enjoyed Infinity War, and any criticism herein should not be taken as decrying the whole.

Spoilers behind the cut. Please close your eyes and scroll super fast, block tags, duck and cover, etc. if you’re on mobile, because, seriously, spoilers.

An extremely simplified version of movie production:

From a production standpoint, Iron Man was a huge risk for the studios fronting the money for it. After critical and box office flops from 90s Batman films and other various superhero action flicks, studios typically found comic book movies to underperform in comparison to budgetary requirements for good visuals, making them unattractive. Marvel has taken a large step away from making comic book movies, to making comic book adaptations, because what works on the page doesn’t work in a moving picture.

Marvel Studios’ cinematic success has almost nothing to do with how compelling the source material is – because some of Marvel’s library is pretty much slush pile garbage. This was before your average artist or consumer realized you can get pretty literary while still having cool pictures on a page. They’re valuable because they propelled the comic industry to widespread success, but the source is best examined with a critical eye towards tone deaf and anachronistic viewpoints on race, sexuality, gender, and pretty much everything else. Marvel Studios has done a fairly consistent job of divorcing the cinematic canon from the original medium’s baggage, to which I attribute a large portion of the films’ success in comparison to very lukewarm iterations of DC or X-Men.

As media consumers, we’re accustomed to having a finished product to hold and analyze. When considering story, in terms of plotting and pacing, I personally believe it’s most helpful to compare the scope of the MCU production to be similar to that of a television show, rather than a traditional movie or movie series. It may be startling to know that even very successful television shows, like Breaking Bad or Stranger Things, often don’t even have all the episodes completely written out prior to beginning filming of a season.

Marvel Studios’ movies have been in production for ten years, with many, many different hands in the pot, and earlier scripts don’t always set up the best planting and payoff of character or plot elements later in the continuity. (For visual learners, Lindsay Ellis has a very layman-friendly example using clips from Mad Max: Fury Road.)

You can see where this might start to cause some consistency issues.

Crossover event comics and the necessary sacrifice of emotional development:

For anyone walking in to expecting Avengers: Infinity War to have a lot of character development, I’m very sorry for your loss.

There was never going to be a grand emotional reunion for Steve and Bucky, and there was never going to be whole hours dedicated to bonding and witty bickering and new friendships that weren’t absolutely vital to the plot. That we got things like the Steve-and-Bucky hug, the jealous Star-Lord vs. Thor moments, and Steve introducing himself politely to Groot were for the benefit of the audience more than advancing the plot, which is a huge victory in terms of crushing as much as possible into a theatrical cut.

A film production has a finite amount of screen time to allocate before a movie becomes bloated. When people joke about Infinity War being the most ambitious crossover event, I don’t think some of them realize how on the mark that is from a production standpoint. Hard decisions have to be made between what isn’t vital to advancing plot in a compelling way and what was retained to meet audience expectations. Infinity War often felt like it tried to recapture that Joss Whedon-ish sassy-but-kinda-flat comedy from the first Avengers, and that meant punchlines for jokes sometimes land at emotionally inappropriate times because characters just don’t have cinematic space for witty banter between shooting aliens and losing everyone they ever cared about.

There’s a difference in author-audience expectations of what’s important in these team-up movies, and also gaps between fans actively participating in fandom because they love the characters and casual moviegoers looking for a blockbuster. It all comes down to how much each party in the creative transaction is willing to settle for. Traditionally, Marvel has set up the character-driven plots and subplots in individual comics with occasional crossover cameos for a few issues when another character or baddie is relevant to the plot. The large crossover events, like Civil War, Contest of Champions, or Infinity are almost always plot-heavy and character-light.

This is so much easier in comic book format, where multiple series can be coordinated in regular, paced releases, and different comic issues may happen parallel or directly before/after the event crossovers. Movies take a significantly larger amount of time to produce, through pre-production, filming, post-production, marketing, and distribution.

A brief (I’m serious, they’ve been making comics since the 1939) explication of source material:

One of the largest disconnects for me, as a fan of both the comics and the movies, was the change in Thanos’ motivation, but not his mission. For those who aren't aware of the origins of his character, he essentially wants to murder people to impress a girl – Mistress Death, to be specific. He wants to kill half of all life in the universe so that he can be her equal and win her affection.

Dorkly did a pretty solid breakdown of some of Thanos’ Infinity Gauntlet story and the innate misogynistic slant of his character, including comic panels from the original source material, that paints comic!Thanos an internet Nice Guy™. (Feel free to skim the article; it's a bit slow to get to the point.) Perusing the comic panels, you can see Thanos is hella into negging and is spiteful when Mistress Death shows interest in another dude (spoilers: it’s Deadpool). He clearly believes love is possession, and if he can’t have what he wants, then, good golly, no one can.

He’s also really off the rails – dubbed the Mad Titan even before his objectification mega crush on a badass corpse with a wicked bod – and is personally responsible for destroying Titan. He’s not a villain that believes he’s the hero, and this shift away from his motivation being dangerous-and-horrible to dangerous-and-misguided casts the first shadow on the premise.

My (very personal) opinion on the execution:

MCU essentially played keep away with some of the more supernatural elements of the source material, at least until introducing Dr. Strange. In doing so they had to construct Thanos’ motivation for a comic-book-inspired task out of whole cloth. There is no Mistress Death. Secondary characters that were discrete entities are often pulling double duty*.

(*Or triple. See also: Bucky Barnes, who is wearing the backstory of Captain America's gay best friend Arnie Roth and now White Wolf. If you were previously unaware of this factoid, please enjoy the irony that Marvel’s biggest pro-American propaganda piece had an openly gay best friend circa early 80s but Civil War ham-fistedly had to work in that awkward-as-fuck smooch between Steve and Peggy Carter’s hot young romantic surrogate niece.)

So, okay, they have to reinvent Thanos, who we've only seen in a handful of post-credit scenes and vicariously learned, through Loki in the first Avengers movie and then Gamora in Guardians, is a conqueror and also really Bad News™.

I buy everything so far. And why not? Black Panther made me love Killmonger and his rage, and the parallels to contemporary issues made him fairly empathetic without highlighting that his perspective was necessarily the ‘correct’ one. Similarly, Spider-Man: Homecoming’s villain, Vulture, was believable in the sort of suffering everyman-turned-desperate way, highlighting the fallout of the Space Invaders vs. Avengers destruction without suggesting the audience should root for Vulture.

In general, I am on board for these movies going straight for the throat on the big baddies of the comic universe because movie production is lengthy, expensive, and time-consuming. Dear Marvel Studios, Give me Avengers vs. Dr. Doom. Love, Me.

A villain can be built up over the course of a single movie (or two). Armed with this optimism, and heartened by recent Marvel Studios successes in characterization, I walked into Infinity War expecting as much gratuitous violence, universe-cleansing genocide, and genuine fear of Thanos as I could possibly expect from something Disney-adjacent.

I knew people were going to die. Let me say – there was no way to spoil this for me. The Infinity Gauntlet comic series starts with half the universe dying. I expected there to be ‘casualties’ and even though the Russo bros said that this wasn’t two parts of the same movie, it’s certainly serial. At minimum, I was expecting Thanos bent on conquering the cosmos, worshiping at the altar of death in the abstract, if not groveling for an inevitable-cosmic-force-turned unattainable woman.

And yet. And yet.

We got the purple version of the Kool-Aid man with some seriously unaddressed parent-child issues (mirrored in Tony Stark’s loss of Peter Parker) and a wholly unimaginative motivation. I won’t go too far much into the movie’s alarming efforts at framing Thanos as a sympathetic character despite his genocidal and horribly abusive tendencies, because I am A) not an expert at identifying film technique and B) the push for Thanos to be an empathetic villain has been analyzed elsewhere.

Phenomenal, limitless cosmic power and all you want to do is break shit? For all the immaturity of it, Thanos’ comic book motivation was more believable.

To those arguing that the his motivations in the movie are predicated off of him being the Mad Titan and therefore not rooted in logic: The film did not explicitly plant the idea – except in the way that we know genocide is bad due to an innate sense of morality – that he was unhinged and power-mad, nor did they really give the audience any payoff.

Instead, we get, ‘I don’t really want to do this, but I must.’

There was a point where I started wondering why the hell he wasn’t just being steadily roasted by the Avengers for not receiving some sort of basic education in the evils of wealth disparity and resource distribution.

As an audience member, was I meant to believe this incredibly powerful entity at the center of a massive fleet, accompanied by a group of talented and sycophantic followers, couldn’t think of a better way to bring ‘balance’ to the universe?

Perhaps Thanos’ justification is simply the conceit of the way the universe operates, required to propel a plot forward. However, this is also poorly explained. There are many unanswered questions: Why is it a given that killing half the universe will create balance? What does balance look like? Is this state permanent or is it a routine, necessary evil in order to stop entropy? Is balance a socioeconomic state, or does it have some greater cosmological significance? We know that Titan fell after rejecting Thanos’ extreme solution, but would the population have actually endured and flourished if his plan had been carried out?

For a movie that did so well at handling a cast so phenomenally large as the one involved in its production, Infinity War really didn’t go in very hard on selling Thanos. I would have been perfectly happy if Marvel Studios had taken the risk to lean in hard on making the movie Thanos-centric, given Thanos even more screen time to develop his character, motives, and the rules of the universe – and then make Avengers 4 about, you know, the actual avenging.

Parting notes:

What are we left with?

Infinity War gifted us with some badass action clips, a fairly jarring death performance by Tom Holland, Cheerful Goatherd Bucky Barnes, and emotionally traumatizing bubbles. It never really sells the conundrum it sets up via Thanos. You'll never hear me insist a peice of art or entertainment is required to carry some sort of social commentary or moral message, but I feel like this could have been, tonally, a vastly different film had it considered the core of Thanos' motivations the same way it considered Vulture's or Killmonger's.

Also, where the hell is Adam Warlock (set up at the end of GotG: Vol. 2; revisit planting and payoff) to shit talk Thanos’ lack of villainous veracity when we need him?

#infinity war spoilers #infinity war #thanos #spoilers #seriously hella spoilers #mcu #marvel comics #infinity gauntlet #there was whiskey involved in writing this #so many links #thanos' motives #review #explication #meta

1 note · View note

nycbanderson · 7 years ago

Note

HINT: It's closer than you think.

Sweet, well-mannered, people pleaser Blaine Anderson hardly ever hated anything, except —

(Trigger warnings: Homophobia and Physical Assault)

Westerville, Ohio.

He had nothing against his hometown in principle, really. It was just like any other small city in the world, filled with people who seemed to know what they were doing and merely trying their hardest to play with the cards they were dealt with. And yes, he had to admit that he didn’t like them. Not at all. Because not only were they negative, narrow-minded individuals, but also seemed to pride themselves on being so, which bothered him a lot. But still, that wasn’t the reason why he hated the place. At the mere age of thirteen, after he had just come out to his parents, he knew instinctively, that not a single place on earth could possibly be completely free from discrimination and prejudice. And as much as he hated that saying, he had to agree that being prejudiced is as natural as breathing. Prejudice against the poor or the rich, the smart or the slow, the gaunt or the obese… Heck, even he himself had harbored some kind of prejudice against the residents of Westerville. It was what it was, regardless of the party that would benefit from it and whether they deserved it or not. So Blaine knew, in the same way that he knew that there were no truths behind those fairy tales he had once loved as a child, and why a happy lie is sometimes better than a sad truth.

If someone were to ask him how he had managed to figure out all of that at such a young age, he would always credit it back to his father. Contrary to everyone’s belief, Blaine was never the ‘troubled’ one in the family. He wasn’t the golden child by all means, but he instantly became the ‘better’ one the moment his older brother, Cooper Anderson, decided to run away to Hollywood to become an actor. And for a short period of time Blaine was secretly happy, relieved even, with the way things have turned out and how they’ve worked in his favor. His father was never an easy man to please, and so he began to work harder in anything and almost everything, trying his earnest to earn a nod from his father. He longed to be noticed and approved, considering the fact that he hadn’t been able to receive those two things in such a long time. Too long, as a matter of fact, especially when there’s someone like Cooper in the family. And of course, his hard work paid off just like he knew they would and garnered him trophies eventually - he had multiple ones just for his singing, one for tennis, one for polo, and even one for horse riding. Needless to say, his parents were proud of him, and that made him confident. He felt like he could do anything, and his parents would still be proud. He was no longer living under Cooper’s shadow, desperately searching for a way to be allowed inside the family circle, he was finally in it. Which was why, at the age of thirteen, when he first realized he felt about boys, the way that he should be feeling about girls, he came out to his parents without really thinking about it. He liked boys, and he didn’t think there was a problem with that. Except there was.

It never occurred to him that his father might be slightly homophobic until after he came out to him, but in hindsight he probably should have seen that coming. What crushed Blaine the most was the fact that he had to learn the hard way, that it was entirely possible for parents to set a limit on parental affection, if you ever stopped being exactly what they expected and wanted you to be, even when their love was supposed to be unconditional. It took him five years to earn his place in the family, but only five minutes to shatter it all. But perhaps the saddest thing of it all was how quickly love fades and the way he had fooled himself into thinking that he was ever in control when he never really was, not even close.

So no, the people of Westerville wasn’t the problem and they never were. He hated his hometown because this place was where it all started. His fate was sealed from the moment his own father rejected him in their own house, the one place that was supposed to function like a shelter and protect him from the storms outside, but instead he had gotten struck, not from actual lightnings, but those vexatious words that came out from his father’s lips. He hated it. He hated Westerville. He hated his house - the living room, the kitchen, his bedroom, all of it. He hated his old school, and perhaps even Dalton too. He hated that little street right across from his old school where, for the first time of his life, he understood just how desperate he was to stay alive and how much it actually hurts to stay silent so that his blood won’t run into his own mouth when all he wanted to do was to scream. Westerville reminded him of the bullies and assailants that should have been apprehended and locked up, for one reason or the other, but were never actually arrested. It reminded him of what it felt like to be an outcast, of how unattainable unconditional love was, and the fact that he would never, ever belong here, or anywhere else, for that matter. Some might say that he was accepted and celebrated in Dalton, but he knew better than to believe them. “That performance was perfect” or “you sing like a dream” - those were accomplishments and things that he had done, as Blaine Warbler, but they weren’t him. He talked and sang perfectly, dressed up perfectly, because being perfect worked with his parents once, so there was absolutely no reason why it wouldn’t work again. In those halls, with those Warblers, he became who they expected him to be. He conformed, if only to retain a quite existence while he heal himself.

And now, almost eight years later, his wounds had already faded into scabs but the pain still remains. He would never use the word ‘broken’ to describe himself. Wounded, perhaps, but never broken. Broken would just mean that he was beyond repair, and that couldn’t be further from the truth. He would never allow himself to reach that stage, even if it meant putting on a persona and treating it like a character role he had been bestowed to play. Because if Blaine Anderson was good at one thing, it was performing. He was always very good at giving the audience exactly what they wanted while making sure he had a tight hold on his emotions at all times. The last thing he wanted was for them to slip from his grasp and bleed all over the stage.

He hated Westerville, but he had no problem pretending that he didn’t, and that was exactly what he did when he’d finally arrived at his house, chilled to the bone. When Pam Anderson came to the door to greet him, he beamed and gave her the warmest smile he could muster, even though every fiber of his being was tired and yearning to go back to New York.

“I’ve missed you.” Pam returned his smile, before leaning in to give him a kiss on the cheeks and a quick hug. “How was the flight?” She asked absentmindedly as she moved forward to help him out of his coat.

“It was alright.” He replied, a tad too fast to his own liking, but he could tell that she didn’t notice. Or maybe she did, but pretended that she didn’t. He was more like his mother than his father after all.

“That’s good to know.” Pam acknowledged softly, running her fingers through his hair which was now coming out of its gelled prison. “Oh- before I forgot, the mailman just left like, two minutes ago and something came for you.” She said as she reached out to the small table beside the entrance door to pick up the letter meant for Blaine.

Blaine could do nothing but stare at the letter incredulously, thinking to himself just how on earth did they know that he was coming back home today? But he supposed that was a redundant question, seeing as how they were the ones running the country. He accepted the letter from Pam’s hand without another word and folded it up into half, before putting it in his pocket. Unbeknownst to his mother however, he wasted no time in scrunching that piece of paper into his palm, hard. He wasn’t going to read it, and his mother certainly didn’t need to know that.

“It’s good to have you back, sweetheart. Come on, let’s go get you something to eat.”

“It’s good to be back.” Blaine smiled again, big and bright before stepping inside the house and closing the door behind him.

#p: hints #p: hint 1 #homophobia tw #physical assault tw

2 notes · View notes