#he's also fully not even trying to rein in the Listen Up Here's What We're Doing mode

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

As a subway boss, his charisma stats are stacked. His posture is stooped but he acts with such an air of easy, subconscious confidence that ppl are like 'oh well I guess he's supposed to be here after all'. Plus he's very polite. He is that one meme of "no pets! Well okay, I will allow him because he looks very polite."

THIS IS WHAT I'M SAYIIIIIING!! you get iiiiit!! actually ive been rotating this a bunch in the background lol. bc it Really Is that like. it's not just that he's nice, though that helps a lot—he's a subway boss!! he is very well accustomed to like, handling people, in a variety of situations. from guiding/ordering people who are under his command, to calmly and professionally talking down/reasoning with/reassuring/etc people who he has very little to do with outside of the fact that they're a passenger on the train and are being loud and disruptive/having a really bad day/poorly controlling their pokemon/etc. it's His Job.

and while it might be slightly undercut in hisui by sort of (waves hand generally) all of the rift bullshit fucking with his head and making him generally less sure of himself, it IS a thing that i think still comes through without him even really realizing it's happening.

[autisticjoshrusso]

ok ok ok. a post about josh, buck, and maddie at dispatch as promised. (and because i dont feel like writing a whole separate post or repeating myself etc, if im pointing something out as evidence for my autistic josh headcanon, it'll be in parenthesis like this) also this is long because im going basically line by line in some places so just be prepared for that and such.

the first thing i wanna say before anything else is that like... as far as how this conversation fits into the larger narrative, i was fairly disappointed, due to the way that including this scene like this is kinda implying that the racism was fine because of being closeted etc. HOWEVER. luckily for my sanity it is pretty clear that from a character perspective, that's not at all what's being said by josh himself here, and we can be pretty certain that he is not aware of tommy's past behaviors. in fact he has almost no facts or context about the situation, which i'll get into later.

now that the disclaimer is out of the way, im gonna move onto character analysis and will not be touching on what i think the narrative might have meant etc. any further. like this is going to be purely talking about character dynamics and dissecting the dialogue etc.

we start out right away by skipping all the exposition right into a hard cut of maddie reacting to the news that tommy and abby were engaged. LOVE this set up we get right into the important part quickly and we as the audience only have to hear information that is new to us, not the information being repeated back to the character for whom the information is new.

and oh maddie. i love you so bad. she's like DAMN thats crazy, and then makes the obvious turning people gay joke. her energy here is sooo like it didn't make sense until looking at it in retrospect, but she's shocked and invested yet not taking it very seriously as a concern for buck, because well, she's having a baby and this is objectively not that serious comparatively <3 but i do love that she sees buck's reaction and quickly reins it in and is like woah im kidding im not actually being homophobic holy smokes. which. it kinda still is a little. but i think she's allowed <3

and then... josh enters the scene. he apparently only walked in as buck was saying "-kissed a boy" so of course he had to be like huh? gay shit? something gay? boys?? what's going on over here? and i love that for him. and i love that maddie immediately is like oh hi bestie i catch u up to speed on the tea <3 the maddiejosh bestieism is so back we never lose <3 and that fact that she's like. feeding in the facts in a way to dramatically amp up the tale i love it. she really said man the things my baby brother gets himself caught up in are wild.... anyway <3 true sibling behavior is finding the perfect balance between being supportive and being so so annoying <3

and she is supportive still. like when it becomes clear that there's something deeper going on here she does try to help him work through it. and its so interesting to me the way she is sort of seriously contemplating his words and is shocked when josh not only speaks up but is being very serious and equally focused on the problem at hand. it's like... she's trying so hard to figure out how to help her brother with something she doesn't fully understand that having someone else speak up to help them kind of shocks her and boy does that say something about their lives and the buckley sibling dynamic!

side note, the way josh is jokingly like "she didn't bring her personal life to work, unlike SOME people" and maddie's little look of mock offense?? they're so cute i cant handle it.

i also really love how the shots are framed during this conversation. at first, even when she's not talking and is just listening to josh talk, maddie is still in frame, we're still getting her reaction, she's an active participant in what's going on. and then there is the one shot where she's talking and josh is out of frame, hidden by buck, because whatever reaction he might be having isn't important, it's a buckley sibling moment. (he's not an active participant at that point; he's entirely observing and reacting and gathering information, not dictating the direction of the conversation whatsoever.)

it's only when josh gets very serious and it starts to turn into a heart to heart moment just between him and buck that maddie is allowed to leave the frame. it still goes back to her in very brief cuts when her reaction is relevant, but she steps back out of focus and let's josh handle the conversation. and i love that so much. thank GOD someone else is helping buck sort out his problems that isn't his parentified sister or just generally someone more marginalized than him. it was kind of getting irritating to watch, as much as i love buck so much. like dude... the emotional labor. watch it.

and man. this conversation guys. everything about it makes me an insane crazy person. ive already mentioned this in the tags of some other posts but like... its so fascinating because on the surface it is such a cohesive conversation, but when you really break it down and analyze both of their expressions and body language alongside what they're saying, you can start to see the cracks in it. what one of them is saying is not what the other one is hearing, in both directions. they are having two different conversations and i think it's critical to analyze both of those conversations and how they are interacting with each other. what josh says, what josh hears, what buck says, and what buck hears are four entirely separate things happening alongside each other.

the first part is josh trying to get a sense for how serious this relationship is to buck. when buck falters at the question of "do you love him?", he elaborates with follow-up questions that, to josh, define "love" or close enough to it. answering "yes" to those questions is close enough to a "yes" to the question of "do you love him?".

(which. ok. the particular choice of questions makes me insane because they do essentially boil down to "do you prefer this person to solitude and grant them an equal or greater importance to yourself?" which is sooo... it's said from the point of view of someone who greatly values their solitude and would not easily grant someone that level of importance.)

unfortunately, well, buck is NOT someone who greatly values his solitude, and puts other people before himself quite easily. buck would answer "yes" to those questions for basically anyone. josh does not know or understand this about buck and takes buck's answers at face value, while buck is taking this as sort of... it's hard to explain, and i think others have done a better job of capturing buck's perspective already tbh. he's convincing himself that he loves tommy here because josh is unknowingly handing him that information and expectation, and buck loves to mold himself to fit an expectation etc.

and then comes the second part, which... i think this is where it is most critical to realize that josh has none of the context about tommy, abby, and buck and those respective relationships. by his own admission, he didn't really know much about abby or about her breakup with tommy beyond the fact that it was upsetting. he didn't hear the way tommy talked about abby to buck at dinner, and he definitely didn't get to see any of the real fallout and damage to her psyche that tommy leaving her caused.

but buck did! im not inclined to rewatch s1 to get any exact quotes or anything but from what i remember, she either outright said or implied that she was so heartbroken because tommy left her because of her mother's illness. buck is understandably very upset because he understands exactly what she went through and how, unless abby was lying to not out him, he didn't exactly come clean with the breakup, and left her feeling like it was her fault, like there was something wrong with her or she was being weighed down by caring for her mother. he calls tommy's behavior exactly what it is: dishonest and cruel.

but josh doesn't know this. all he is hearing is a young, freshly out bisexual calling a gay man "dishonest and cruel" for having been engaged to a woman for his own protection. and he responds exactly how you'd expect! he reminds him of queer history and the fact that he doesn't really have a right to judge the people who grew up and had to survive in a world that was much less safe to come out in.

(and i said in my other post that's still doing numbers that "pre-Glee/post-Glee" is an actual queer discourse talking point and makes sense that it'd be used here, as awkward and cheesy as it seems, but it's also a win for my television/film/popular media/hollywood culture/etc. as a special interest headcanon. <3 we love to see it)

and it kills me because of course buck is just going to take this at face value and decide he needs to stop feeling the discomfort he's feeling, leading to the subsequent doubling down and over committing that is typical of his unhealthy relationship patterns.

(and then at the end of the speech josh has to literally announce that he's leaving DSJFHJKDSKJ. because walking away/ending conversations is so awkward and difficult and the easiest way to mitigate that is to lean into the Dramatic Homosexual Stereotype mask or whatever <3 i've long been of the opinion that josh is someone who uses the behaviors associated with queer men and queer masculinity as the blueprint for his neurotypical mask, which is why he often comes across as being just a little bit off from the Funny and Bitchy Gay vibes that it seems like he's going for. and boy did his exit from this scene just reinforce that headcanon so hard!)

they wrap the scene with a little bit more levity too which is kind of nice to like. move on from that. because it got kind of heavy there for a second.

overall i do like what this scene accomplished, but like i said at the start, i think it has some really unfortunate implications that weigh it down for me. still, always nice to get more josh content, especially when it's pretty consistent with his character as established AND not at all related to doing his job. we got to see him and maddie being goofy and maddie being allowed to let someone else deal with buck's problems for a second. and the whole thing was very well shot! excellent camera work going on throughout.

i don't actually know how to end this post so yknow. im gonna make a dramatic exit now or whatever <3

[battlecrazed-axe-mage]

How do you think your WOL feels about the other Scions?

Under a readmore because it got kind of long!

Thancred: I had an Ul'dah start, so he was her first connection with the Scions! Very proud of how he's grown as a person in the time she's known him. Teases him mercilessly in the most affectionate of ways. Probably hooked up with him at some point early on; they don't talk about it these days, but mostly because that's not where their relationship landed

Y'shtola: Absolute greatest respect and a little bit of fear. She trusts Y'shtola's words and plans pretty much more than almost anyone else she knows--UNLESS Flow is involved. Please stop solving problems with Flow we're running out of ways to pull you back out. Fully supports all of her high level mage nonsense and wants to help with her dimension-crossing thing any way she can.

Urianger: At this point, if Urianger starts doing something that superficially looks like plotting against the group, she takes it on faith that he knows what he's doing and has a good reason. When he eventually confesses his duplicity and cries for forgiveness, she wraps him in the tightest hug and goes "it's fine, look, don't worry about it. I know you." Will listen to him endlessly even if she only grasps a fraction of what he's talking about

Alphinaud: Baby brother. Incandescently proud of him and the capable young man he's become in the time she's known him. When he called her his family in Eulmore she got a little misty-eyed; considers him and Alisaie basically actual family. The only person whose plans she trusts above Y'shtola's. He's going to be a great leader someday, and she hopes she can be helpful when that day comes.

Alisaie: Baby sister. If Alphinaud is the twin she loves but doesn't understand, Alisaie is the one she understands in every mote of her being; Alisaie is basically her but younger. Do NOT leave the two of them alone to carry out some part of a plan, they enable each other's most reckless and ill-advised impulses and will yes-and each other until only fire lives here now. (Probably my favorite of the scions)

G'raha: Her spouse's boyfriend. Not her type as a lover; something closer than a friend; ranks just below the twins on the list of "people I would kill and/or die for". Raha is an absolutely essential pillar of her life at this point so please stop trying to martyr yourself godsdammit. If ever she has a dilemma she can't see a way out of, or if she wants a second opinion of something, he's her first thought

Estinien: Understands him as a brother-in-arms and lets him dictate the terms of their friendship (so they're not super close, but warm enough when their paths cross). Keeps tabs on him for Aymeric's peace of mind as best she can. There's few people she trusts more to have her back in a fight. Makes a point to treat him to a meal anytime they see each other because she still fully does not trust him with money and wants to be sure he's eating

Krile: Worked closely with her for an extended period of time on the displaced Isle of Val and got to know her in that time. Krile is probably the scion that knows the most of her secret fears and uncertainties; my character feels it's only fair after Krile trusted her with her own survivor's guilt over being the only one to escape the isle. Despite Krile being younger than her, considers her a bit of a "responsible adult" and can be reined in by her

Tataru: Bestie!! Eternally indebted to her as the beating heart of the Scions. Would move mountains for her. Probably relies on her quite a bit as someone who's also started selling her crafts (mostly soup lately) and sells out of her storefronts. Every aimless adventurer needs a pragmatic tether to the real world, and Tataru is hers. They get together every so often to gossip and catch up, when my character makes it back to town

[triviareads]

Wicked Again by Kathleen Ayers

The best historical romance I've read with an older couple and that too, the heroine is older than the hero by nine years (she's 49, he's 40). Marissa and Haddon have a fling at a house party except, well, Haddon wants more than a fling and is basically in love by the time Marissa has to leave the house party after finding out her late husband was actually murdered and didn't disappear several years ago.

Two things I loved about this book: First, the plot of this story is centered around REVENGE (not *revenge*) and I looooove a good revenge plot. It's even more special to me because female vengeance is very underrated in HR and I'm all for Marissa (aided by her niece) destroying a rising political star and his mom because they had her husband killed.

The other thing I loved about this book is that Marissa isn't caught up by the guilt of being an older woman who still wants sex, which a lot of HR tends to fall into the trap of, especially where not-married women and older women are concerned. And make no mistake, Haddon and Marissa are HOT. Like, insanely hot. Literally from the first scene where they're together at the aforementioned house party. There's a growing trend of historical romances with older women, but this is by far the best I've read.

The Theory of Earls by Kathleen Ayers

We're in our artistic era this month. Margaret is a pianist so talented that it borders on wanton for the Victorians. She wants to make a match on her own terms so she can continue to play and settles on a deeply inoffensive man who happens to be a friend of the hero Anthony (Tony), Lord Welles. Welles offers to help her catch his friend if she plays the piano for him in just her chemise and stockings. As a musician, this one managed to hit all the HR musically-titillating notes for me: he's hard when she performs, he's a gifted pianist too, there's piano fingering, piano oral, piano ruination, etc. Also, it's genuinely lovely to read about two people who are this stirred by one another AND Chopin.

I will say, Kathleen made Tony's mommy and daddy issues run so deep (among other things he has a Simon Basset-esque desire to not reproduce out of spite for his dad), he said something I was NOT expecting an HR hero to say at a particularly low moment. Did he fully redeem himself? idk but the reunion was hella hot.

Anyway, go listen to Jan Lisiecki's rendition of Chopin's Piano Concerto No. 1 and read this book asap (start from 4:40ish):

A Rogue's Rules for Seduction by Eva Leigh

I'd the two prior books in this series and gotten acquainted with Dom Kilburn (see: here) so I was READY for his and Willa's book ever since the first book started with Dom jilting Willa. In this book, their relatives and friends basically isolate them at a house party to try and get them to make up.

What I liked about this book was that plot-wise, there really isn't much going on beyond Dom and Willa grappling with their complicated feelings for one another and figuring out a way forward, if there is any. For ex-lovers, Dom and Willa are deeply, deeply aware of one another to the point where you wonder why, with this level of chemistry, Dom ever decided to jilt Willa. But here's the thing, apart from the misplaced sense of guilt on Dom's part, they both realizing they were using each other to basically shock their respective segments of society (he got a woman far beyond him socially, and she got a man who was basically her bit o' rough) which... doesn't make for a strong foundation.

I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the sex stuff, most of which occurs at their host's, uh, there's no better way to put this than "fuck cabin". Willa is the type of heroine who is very self-sufficient and a little closed off, so a mark of trust for her is her handing over the reins to Dom, so to speak. And it goes both ways, resulting in this give-and-take that is hot and also like, genuinely gratifying to read in historical romance. Dom reminds me a lot of Sarah MacLean's Duke of Clayborn and Joanna Shupe's Duke of Lockwood in that he's a hero who's respectful and almost reverent of the heroine, but also, he isn't afraid to get down and dirty.

After Hours on Milagro Street by Angelina M. Lopez

Let me say this outright: it was a combination of snobbery towards books that are "too popular" and a mild aversion towards magic that kept me from reading this book sooner. And I've never been happier to be proven wrong. This book had everything: a small town, a mystery centered around the history of the town, family drama, the magic was based in the culture, and of course, the romance.

Alex is the kind of heroine some people will write off as "annoying" or "unlikeable", but you understand where she's coming from pretty quickly: She's frustrated with being a woman in the bar industry, with the "angry/sassy brown woman" stereotype she feels forced to play into to a degree, and with being forced to leave her hometown basically due to the racism she wouldn't stand for. So it makes sense why she's initially very skeptical of Jeremiah, a white man, wanting to "save" her grandmother's bar, a cornerstone of the Mexican-American community in her Kansas hometown.

The sex is also pretty damn great. If there's one thing Angelina loves, it's writing a *mounting* moment the first time the hero and heroine meet (see: Lush Money) and that's basically what went down here. It was GREAT. Also, they're both talkers during sex (I believe they were talking through their shared wall while masturbating??) but it was dirty and sweet at the same time which was novel for me, but it worked. I absolutely would recommend.

That Scandalous Evening by Christina Dodd

Back to artistic HR: This is the book @jeanvanjer was trying to get me to read for a year, and finally succeeded this month (here are my reactions live-blogged). Jane, the heroine of the book, is back in society after her exile caused by a fellow debutante exposing the nude sculpture she did of her crush Ransom, Lord Blackburn. Now Ransom and Jane are kinda forced to court because of Societal Reasons as well as Ransom's suspicions that she's a French spy (you idiot), and also, well, because he definitely wants to.

The chemistry between these two is everything. I came in with the assumption that Jane's crush when she was younger was one-sided but LET ME TELL YOU, IT WAS NOT. And that scene was WILD to read. Jane is resilient and her passion for art is both adorable and hilarious because she primarily conveys her horniness through the art (e.g. she's worried she didn't get his nipples right when this man is stripping in front of her). Ransom is a BITCH, specifically in that way historical romance heroes were written in the late '90s and early 2000s (Dain from Lord of Scoundrels comes to mind) where they have far fewer scruples when it comes to what they do with the heroine (aka, fuck honor). You want your bitchy, self-involved, tormented hero, here's your man. You want this intense, borderline weird sexual chemistry (like there was a melding of bloodied hands before he went down on her??), here's your book.