#he's a bitch and will encourage bitchy behavior

[discocandles]

This is Steve Harrington with any and every girl he's ever befriended.

[abigailhobbsgallobamaedu]

(amazon)

Do these Perpetrator Anti-Government, Domestic Terrorist Cults, Anti-law, Anti-Civil rights groups use the tactics of Guerrilla Warfare to intimidate, torture and abuse their Targets?

Do they attend meetings and seminars where these methods of no-touch torture are taught, shared and practiced?

Below is a review of some keywords explaining how the tactics of "Psy-Ops" are implemented.

Feel free to try these yourself on your tormentors.

If you are opposed to lying to liars then only use them in truthful ways.

Watch and observe their brains do a sort of "short circuit".

Nobody has ever said that you should sit back and do nothing, while you are relentlessly bullied and tortured

This is a game to them, for you it's a fight.

A fight for your quality of life.

This indoctrination often occurs at a small or larger meetings.

The more ridiculous the example, the more accurately it likely applies to the manner in which these disassociated, easily influenced, easily manipulated individuals think.

The language used in this post, is the language these men use when speaking about women.

Some of these examples are verbatim.

Women in these groups you should know that when the men you're involved with insult and demean these women they Target, that in reality they are playing you big time. Making you think that you're "better than".

Why do you think that they meet separately from you?

They think this way about all women if they say these things about any woman. Getting you to join in their abuse is making you appear even worse than they are.

You should know better. She, meaning the female Target is no different than you are. You should also know that both men and women will judge you by the inappropriate behavior of the man that you are with.

Development Around a Theme: A short speech of ideas organized around a common subject.

Logic: Know your audience and make it simple and easy for them to understand. Don't use big words that they might not be familiar with. Remember, it doesn't have to be logical in the broad sense of the word, just something that the group can indemnify with. Basic.

Assessment or Argument: First the negative argument is presented or those that are in opposition to the premise. Then the positive argument, with proof of what is portrayed as factual. Of course we all are well aware of the persistent and supportive encouragement of the false narrative. These group members usually don't pick up on it.

Exhortation: This is a call to action. Call that government agency, and encourage the group to do the same, all with the same complaint. This works for the Police, and any government organization that the group can use to "abuse by proxy". If the Target is a parent, the child's school, church and so on.

Anaphora: When speaking in a sentence to the group, to drive the point home harder, instill the thought or idea, repeat the same word at the beginning of each sentence. It could be the Target's name, something distasteful about her, something she did. In a stern, loud commanding voice. For example: Karen is a bitch, Karen is a slut, Karen if a whore, Karen is an alcoholic.

Conversion: The same premise as Anaphora, only the keyword is at the end of the sentence. For example: You know that bitchy girl, Karen. The whore, Karen, He saw that girl at the bar, what's her name, oh yeah Karen.

Complexity: The same keyword is repeated at both the beginning and at the end of each sentence. Drugging her coffee, you know drugging her. Drugging her water, you know druging her. Drugging her against her will, you know drugging her.

Reduplication: When the command begins with the same word, that ends the previous phrase. For example; Beating her remotely using the technique of covert hypnosis, Beating her over and over again.

Play on words: Using the same word to convey several opposite meanings. For example: Using her as a slave, but you know slaves have rights too, but some women might really like being a slave, even though we all know slavery is wrong, but being a slave is fun for the owner.

Similar Rhythm: We all know what we are doing is wrong, we all know that's it's illegal, we also all know that the law doesn't apply to us, we all know that we need to attack and beat women down, we all know that there's nothing she can do about it, we all know that the end justifies the means, and we all know that we want to be paid.

Synonymity: Repeating words of similar meaning: Karen is a whore, Karen is a bitch, Karen is a slut, Karen is prostitute, Karen is a twat.

Comparison or simile: Because she refuses to date men below her intellect, she must be "stuck up". Because she takes a shower every day, combs her haIr, and wears clean clothes, she must be obsessed with her appearance. Because she dresses nice, she must want to impress us.

Part 2 to follow.

Remember, these are very immature individuals, sometimes even literally children running their crew.

Stand your ground and carry on. Many in the on-line community profess to taking the high road, not reporting because it isn't effective, suffering basically in silence.

That is clearly what these groups hope their target will do.

You're going to have to fight. This may be a sick, criminal game to these perpetrators, but this is your life and it's just as important as their's no matter what they say about it or think about it.

They don't matter, you do.

Part 2 to follow.

(Amazon)

[shorkbrian]

Plzzz for the love of god I need more bully Bakugo

Prelude - here have some food. Part 1

Pairing - Bully Bakugou X Reader

Warnings - NSFW, degradation, spanking, noncon, dub con, all the cons. Dead dove.

Music - https://open.spotify.com/track/4VezGgvwNY3mtTbAEkmRMY?si=NxDxEMfERc-3flSDuq8kpQ

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“You’re such a fucking tease.”

Another slap to your ass, and you’re sure that if Bakugou’s hand wasn’t covering your mouth, you’d be wailing so loud that it could be heard across campus.

You’d been avoiding him after that weekend, after he’d tied you down and edged you for hours, laughing at you, occasionally pulling the vibrating dildo out of you just so he could push his cock into you, make you gush around his length. It had been torture, and scarring, and traumatizing, and you couldn’t even think about going to class for the first few days after he had sent you out of his dorm with a smack on the cheek and a “See you around, little bitch.”

There had been no way you were going to the classes you had with Bakugou. You were avoiding him like the plague, blowing off those classes, only creeping out of your dorm when you absolutely had to.

But you couldn’t avoid him forever, and he had told you as such when he grabbed you, shoving you sideways and into a family bathroom as you walked to one of your classes, head held low, feet hurrying.

“I can’t fucking believe you.” The blonde slapped your ass again, the flesh already raw and bruised. “I have the best weekend of my entire life, and then you fuck off and hide. “

Bakugou had you bent over at the sink, face half-squished against the dirty mirror, his hand clamped over your mouth, the other hand abusing your ass. You had been wearing sweatpants, but they were somewhere by the door, thrown there along with your underwear.

“Keep crying bitch,  you know it just turns me on.” Bakugou chuckled darkly, noticing your tearstained face in the mirror.  “Fuck, you look good like that. You’re so pretty, you made me do this.”

He was so volatile, mood unsteady and often changing for the worse. You couldn’t keep up, just openly sob into his hand.

“How does that make you feel, huh?” He asked, and if you weren’t about to be actively raped, you might’ve laughed. He sounded like a therapist, a fucked-in-the-head, psycho-the-rapist type thing. 

“Knowing that I wouldn’t be doing this if you weren’t such a pretty little cocksucker. If you weren’t so weak and pathetic, you could fight back. You could even tell someone.” Bakugou laughed again, voice rasping in your ear “But you never do. I bet you secretly enjoy this shit, huh - want someone to fuck you up and make you their little bitch?”

You shake your head, or, at least try to, but Bakugou doesn’t let you. He’s keeping your legs spread with his feet inside of yours, his crotch now pressed against your burning ass, his hand wrapped around your hip to slap quickly at your pussy.

“Yeah, you’re a sick littler fucker, I knew from the second I saw you. Looked like a bitchy little slut, only good for keeping a cock warm. This is all your fault, stupid whore.”

Logically, you knew that what he was saying wasn’t true. This wasn’t your fault, bakugou was just a rapist, a horrible man, this wasn’t your fault at all. But some nasty little part of you reared back at that statement, whispering that maybe it was.

Maybe you had encouraged him by excusing his behavior at first, when the man had first started pushing you around. Maybe it was because you had worn something a bit too revealing, or had done something suggestive while he was looking? You didn’t know what you had done to catch his attention, but you wished on everything holy (and everything unholy too) that you hadn’t. 

You jerked away from his touch as he began groping at your cunt, palming over your mound, slipping his fingers through your pussy lips roughly. Your movements only served to push you back into his crotch, and Bakugou rutted forward, trapping you between his fingers and his cock.

“Tch, you’re a piece of work. Crying like that, almost fuckin’ pissin’ yourself like a little girl. Can’t believe I actually fucking like you.”

All movement stopped. 

Wait, did Bakugou just say he liked you?

Before you had time to even consider that thought (why would he do any of this if he liked you?), Bakugou was swearing, retracting the hand molesting your pussy so he could work on unbuckling his belt, unzipping his jeans, pulling his cock free.

He was having trouble trying to achieve all of that one-handed, so he leaned forward, hissing a threat into your ear before taking his other hand away from your mouth. The second he did that, you sucked in a real breath, nose too stuffy with snot and mucus to be able to take in much oxygen.

“B-bakugou, ple-please... “

��Ple-ple-please what?” He cooed sweetly, mocking you as he worked his cock free of his boxers.

“I don’t wanna do - I don’t want to, I don’t wanna do-“

“I don’t fuckin’ care, ain’t that clear? But keep beggin’, I like that shit.”

His cock was pushing through your folds now, hips roughly rocking you forward against the sink, which you grabbed onto the edges to steady yourself. 

“No, no no no no, no, no-“ you sobbed, unable to say much else. You couldn’t do this, it was too much! His cocked was nudging against your clit on each thrust, and it was sending shocks of pleasure into your belly, making it draw tight. You felt disgusted with yourself.

Bakugou’s hands were on your hips, fingers digging into your skin as his hips worked his cock against you. He was grunting softly, breathing heavily already. And his cock was so hot pressing against your flesh,  and you could feel his precum getting smeared everywhere down there, it was so dirty, you wanted to throw up. 

The family bathroom was dirty too; it smelled weird, and  the mirror had smudges and what looked like a lipstick stain on the bottom edge. There was some kind of crusty buildup around the sink drain, not to mention the discoloration around the toilet. 

The state of the bathroom reflected how you felt inside - tainted, disgusting, used.

“Mmh, You gonna cry harder if I put it in?” Bakugou had his hand wrapped around his cock, tapping it upwards against your pussy, laughing as her flinched with each messy slap.

The man didn’t actually care about getting an answer, or maybe the way you burst into another round of tears was enough of an answer for him. He was leaning forward, draping his weight across your back, pushing his mouth right up against your ear.

“Here’s what’s gonna happen. I’m gonna pound your little hole, and you’re gonna watch every second of it in that mirror, understand?”

You looked up at your reflection in the mirror, puffy eyes, puffy lips, top askew, bottom half bare. You tried to pretend that you couldn’t see Bakugou’s cock starting to slide through your folds again. You couldn’t stand this, couldn’t look, so you closed your eyes, bowing your head.

“Ah, ah, ah babe - if you don’t look-“  You heard the sound of the impact before you felt it. But when your bruised ass registered the hit, you screeched, almost crumbling atop the sink. It hurt so much, oh god, it hurt. “-that’s gonna happen. So I suggest you open your fucking eyes, and watch.”

Blearily, you opened your eyes, staring numbly at yourself in the mirror.

Bakugou grabbed a handful of your ass, kneading it roughly before spreading your cheeks apart, hand guiding his cock to line up with your entrance. It felt so awful, all of it. There was pain, and shame, and disgust, and you were mortified that the little candle of pleasure in your stomach was turning into a bonfire. At least Bakugou wasn’t a savage, or at least not interested in seeing you bleed (this time, he’d kneed you in the face once when you tried to refuse to suck his dick and given you a nosebleed) because he went slow. Well, as slow as a guy like him could go.

It was still entirely too fast, the way he entered you, pushing his hips forward easily and filling you up in one rough thrust. 

You watched from the mirror, legs spread apart far enough that you could easily see when Bakugou was balls deep, his hip bones jutting against your ass. Your poor ass, you don’t think you’d be able to sit for a while after this.

The man paused when he bottomed out, breathing heavily, chuckling almost maniacally as he made eye contact with you through the dirty mirror.

“Fucking shit, you’re so goddamn tight. Mmh-“ he jostled his hips, his cock rubbing against your walls deliciously “-So wet too. You’re such a fucking slut, bet you’d gag on any dick you could find.”

You shook your head “No-no, I don’ - don’ do that!”  You wept, but any further argument you were about to make was cut off by Bakugou pulling out, then thrusting into you as deep as he could.

Eyes still focused on where his cock was forcing you open, your jaw relaxed, and you struggled to keep your eyes open. You hated it, you hated it so much, but Bakugou was good at this. He was ramming into you, not fast, not slow, but hard and deep. Every few strokes he would shimmy his hips, and his cockhead hit something inside of you, something that made your legs weak and your pulse jump.

An excruciating pain bloomed across your ass, and your eyes snapped open - when had you closed them? You caught Bakugou’s gaze, and shivered. He was sweating, brows furrowed, intensely focused on watching your face in the mirror. 

The intensity he was exhibiting scared you, honestly. Of course, Bakugou was pretty much always intense in everything he did, from playing football to studying (you’d seen him once in the library, hunched over his books with a scowl that could wilt weeds), but you’d never seen him look at something, at someone, like that.

He noticed you looking back at him, which made his cheeks color, and then another slap was delivered to your ass, and you yelped, jolting forward from the pain.

“Ba-akugo! I didn’ - please, I didn’t do anythingggg.” You openly wept. 

You were ignored, Bakugou choosing to pound you harder rather than respond.

  “Fucking look at yourself, damn. You’re nothing more than a stupid cockslut, a little whore. No one’s ever gonna want you, you’re absolutely worthless.” He spat, threading a hand through your hair, pulling your head back. You had to follow his hand or else he’d rip your hair out, an unspoken threat, so you did, until your back was flush against his chest.  He wrapped a hand under your thigh, hiking it up into the air, forcing you to go on your tiptoes as he hooked your knee over his elbow, spreading you open.

“Look at that. See how wet you are? I can hear it.” He growls in your air, breathing heavily.

He was right, the slick sounds of him messing up your cunt reverberating in the bathroom. You could only watch as his cock hammered into you, his pace picking up quickly. 

You started to cry, really cry. Ugly, heaving sobs, where you couldn’t breath, your head throbbing towards a horrific headache, hands uselessly grabbing at Bakugou’s arms, not to stop him, there was no way you could - but to steady yourself from the brutality of his thrusts.

“Oh fuck, fucking christ, ‘m close, shit.” Bakugou gasped, and you wiggled in his hold, hyperventilating. You knew it just turned him on more, made him fuck you harder, but you couldn’t stop yourself from trying to dislodge his cock. He couldn’t cum inside, please.

“Not-not inside! Please please please not inside, Bakugou ple-ase!”

Bakugou didn’t respond, just panted in your ear, low groans rumbling through his chest as his hips humped against you, driving his cock into your cunt with a sloppy squelch on each rapid thrust.

You felt him cum.

You felt the first few ropes of warmth shoot inside you, but then the blonde was pulling out, jacking his cock onto your pussy, striping the rest of his cum over the outside of your cunt. It was humiliating. 

But you figured it was better than inside.

“Mmm, fuck bitch. You always know how to get me off. Good little pussy.” He finished humming, giving his wet cock one last tug, before messily slapping his hand over your cunt, rubbing his cum into your skin. It felt disgusting. 

You let him do what he wanted, let him rub circles over your clit, let him abandon the little nub in favor of sticking two of his cum-covered fingers inside of you, rubbing at your walls quickly. It felt good, but you were tired, and you didn’t want it to.

“Alright, I got class. Wanna suck me clean?”

His hands retracted from your body, and he let your leg down, pushing you away from him as gently as he could (which wasn’t very gently). A side step, then he was in front of you, washing his hands underneath the sink. You watched him blankly. 

“Well? You gonna suck me off? Or just stand there like a goddamn fish?”

You slowly dropped to your knees, cringing at the bathroom floor. It was nasty, dirty, probably covered in piss and maybe shit an-

“Jesus fuckin’ christ, I’m gonna be late.” Bakugou was looking at his phone, before his eyes flicked to you. He grabbed a handful of paper towels, dabbing at the mess covering his dick.

“How ‘bout you meet me after my class, and we’ll both get a little treat? Would you like that, stupid bitch?” He crouched down in front of you, pinching your cheek as he talked to you in a cutesy baby voice. 

When you didn’t respond, he grabbed your chin, yanking you forward until you were inches from his face. “Say yes, or you’re not gonna like the shit I’ll do to you.”

“Ye-yes, yes Bakugou.” You spluttered, trying to stop hiccuping on sobs, but failing pathetically. 

Bakugou nodded to himself, before pausing, as if appraising you. His eyes wandered over your face, and the next thing you knew he was kissing you, lips soft, passionate.

When he pulled away, you were left dazed, still kneeling on the ground. The man rose to his feet, stomping over to where his backpack hung on the door. He stopped to pick up your underwear from your sweatpants, pocketing the fabric as he grinned at you.

“Don’t forgot about meetin’ me after class, got it? Make me wait and I’ll beat your ass.” He paused, cocking his head to glance at your backside, before laughing. “Eh, or maybe I’ll just fuck it.” His eyes gleamed as he straightened his head. “So don’t be late.”

And with that warning he was shouldering his backpack, kicking your sweatpants towards you, slipping out the door.

Belatedly, you realized that your clit was still buzzing, that the pleasure clenching up your stomach hadn’t crested. 

With a sob, you let your fingers find their way to your pussy.

[andreafmn]

I'm Not Afraid - Chapter 5

xWord Count: 3,374

Characters: Female Reader Argent Character, Original Male Argent Character, Derek Hale, Allison Argent, Scott McCall, Stiles Stilinski, Isaac Lahey, Lydia Martin, Chris Argent, Jackson Whittemore

Story Description: (Y/N) Argent arrived at Beacon Hills to put to rest her father’s sister, Kate Argent. For the first time, her family has decided to settle down and sustain a life in this interesting small town. After 17 years, (Y/N) has the opportunity to establish interpersonal relationships but will she be ready to face the complications that come with relating to her cousin’s, Allison, friends; especially, the infamous Derek Hale. She will face the adventure of being associated with the Derek and McCall pack as well as being faced with the discovery of certain aspects of her life she never imagined.

*DISCLAIMER* I do not own in any way Teen Wolf, all credits of the pre-established characters, script, and storyline belong to Jeff Davis and MTV Network. The only thing I own is Argent Reader insert, her immediate family, and her storyline, as well as her effects in the others’ storyline.

Chapter: 5/?

A/N: If you enjoy my writing I’ll also be posting them in AO3 and Wattpad along with other stories (I also hope to start taking requests if ya’ll want) Hope you enjoy and all constructive criticism is encouraged.

<- Previous | Next ->

Chapter 5

I woke up to a heavy and warm wight around my waist. As my mind started registering the scene around me, I noticed the soft snores that were filling the room, the strong smell of cologne, the rough skin encircling me, the chest in front of me that raised and fell at a slow pace. At some point during the night, Derek must have crawled into bed, and I couldn’t say that I minded.

He looked peaceful when he slept. No supernatural problems, no feuds, no hunters, just peace. My hand unconsciously landed on his cheek, softly stroking his cheek. Still succumbed to slumber, he leaned into the touch, nuzzling his head onto my hand like a puppy. I wish this could be the way it always was, but now that I knew the reality of the world we were in, there was no chance it would ever stay this way.

Deciding to let him sleep longer, I tiptoed down the stairs to the kitchen where breakfast had already been prepared. I looked around and noticed that their car keys were gone, which meant they had left early in the morning to do whatever it was that they always did. I greeted Brody who had trotted my way from the living room, and filled his dog bowl, adding a few tasty treats. While I served two plates, I put the coffee machine to run, ensuring the freshest pot for the morning. I looked around for a tray to take the breakfast upstairs in case my parents came back at any moment, eating my food as the coffee brewed. Placing some cream and sugars on the tray, I made my way back to the bedroom where Derek was starting to wake up, Brody following behind.

“Morning, sour wolf.” I softly pushed open the door, the tray in front of me. Derek was rubbing the night from his eyes, a soft smile playing on his lips. Upon seeing the man, Brody jumped on the bed greeting him with slobbery kissed. Derek laughed and petted his head as he laid at the foot of the bed.

“Morning,” he yawned. “Whatcha got there?”

“Some eggs, bacon, and hash browns. Also, some coffee.” He took the tray from my hands and set it on the bed. Taking one of the coffee cups, I sat over on my desk to work on the homework I had left pile during the week. Derek grabbed the plate and came to stand behind me, leaning down to rest his chin on my shoulder.”

“What are you doing?” He inquired, downing the food from the plate quickly.

“Homework. You know, the thing people my age have to do to be able to graduate from high school with good grades.” I looked to the side, my heart beating faster noticing the closeness of our faces. “I’m sure you wouldn’t know much about that.”

“I’ll have you know I was a good enough student.”

“Emphasis on good enough.” I booped his nose with my pen and continued my work. “When you’re done you should head home, don’t want my parents catching you here just in case.”

“Why? We’re not doing anything.” He sipped his coffee and sat down on the bed, Brody laying his head on his lap. I turned my chair and faced him, a laugh escaping my lips.

“I think you’re forgetting who you are and who my family is. Apart from that, I don’t think my dad will particularly enjoy the fact that a 21-year-old werewolf is in his teenage daughter’s bedroom, alone.” I grinned. “But suit yourself. I’d love to see how it will play out.”

“Alright, but can I at least take you out some time this week?” My heartbeat quickened, the sound loud enough for me to hear. “Is that a yes?”

“It’s not a no,” I grinned.

“I kind of need an answer,” he pressed. A grin played on his lips by the point he had stood and rested his hands on the arms of the chair.

“How about, I’ll let you know?”

“I’ll take it,” he smiled. “I’ll text you.”

“Alright, I’ll be waiting.” He kissed my cheek and grabbed his jacket to head towards the door. “Where are you going?”

“Home?”

“Not through the door you’re not.” The dumbfounded look on his face was hilarious. “what would I do if my parents walked in.”

“I’m fast, you know. Like supernaturally fast.”

“Mm, I’ve seen you. Not fast enough.”

“Fine,” he surrendered. “Keep watch of your phone.”

“I will,” I smiled. He took a step back and in the blink of an eye, he was gone. Brody got alerted by the sudden move and jumped off the bed to bark at the window, standing on his hind legs to prop his eye out. I joined his side and saw Derek standing normally in my backyard as if he hadn’t just jumped out of a two-story window. He waved and I waved back as he became a blur, vanishing before my very eyes.

I slumped down on my bed and ran my hands over my face. What was I doing? There were so many things that were pit against us. My 18th birthday was still a little less than a year away, he had something going on with Erica, my family and he are natural-born enemies, we are currently under the terror of a reptilian shapeshifting Jackson, and that was just scratching the surface. I couldn’t scrutinize why he would ask me out too much, it was probably not even in a romantic way. It could just well be that he wanted to keep an eye on me since I was new to this whole werewolf, Kanima, hunter thing.

A couple of hours went by where I took Brody out for a walk, finished what was left of my homework, and started watching a movie when my phone went off.

“Hey, I heard the good news! You’re staying in town.”

“Hey, Allison. Yeah, it looks that way.”

“Well then, I believe you owe some people an apology.”

“What could you possibly mean?” I scoffed. But she was right, as hard as it was to admit.

“Don’t act dumb, (Y/N). You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

“I don’t like it when you’re right,” I sighed. “What do you think I should do?”

“I could invite them over to your house and you could apologize to them. They never object to free pizza.”

I was glad. Instead of sulking on the 'he likes me, he likes me not' nonsense, I prepared the house for Allison and her friends, the people I hope to win over. One by one they arrived at my doorstep. Scott, Stiles, Lydia, and Allison. I had put out some snacks and the pizza I had bought. Scott and Stiles were not shy about their hunger as they dove in right away.

"So, what's the purpose of this meeting?" Lydia asked, her usual cocky attitude on full show.

"Uh, well, I wanted to apologize for being such a bitch these past few weeks."

"Hm, understatement of the century." Stiles chuckled with his mouth full.

"Actually, she can be 1,000 times worse. That was just level 1 bitchiness."

"Point taken. But why would you apologize? We get it you don't want to be our friend."

"That's not it, it's just... ugh... Look, it’s honestly a very long story, but moving around it’s hard to cut ties and start over for so long. After a while it’s easier to builds walls up and maintain everyone at arm’s length." They all stared at me. Hopefully I was getting through to them. "But this time I'm changing that. I want to be your friend and that's why I'm apologizing."

"Well, I don't know about the other guys, but I've always considered you my friend. I mean, I've considered Lydia my friend and she hates me."

"Oh, please, Stiles. I don't hate you, you're just, um.... special."

"I'll take it."

"We understand. And of course you're our friend, (Y/N). You were just too stubborn to notice." Scott smiled at me. "Now, is there more pizza?"

"How the hell did you two boys just finish two boxes of pizza?"

"We're growing?" Stiles said with his mouth full.

"Barely," Allison mumbled.

"You know I can hear you, right?"

"That's the point, Scott."

The whole room laughed and continued to enjoy a very pleasant afternoon. It felt weird to finally feel like I belonged somewhere; that there were people around me that cared for me despite my flaws. As I looked around the faces of the group that had welcomed me with open arms, I couldn’t help but feel that someone was missing; the person that had first accepted me.

The clock had hit 4 o’clock when the last piece of food was gone, and the gang had gone home. After cleaning up, I decided it was time to call Isaac. I didn’t like the person he had become after the bite. But I couldn’t say I didn’t understand. He felt confident, strong, but he was using the wrong outlet. Just like I was.

“So, you’re finally talking to me,” Isaac chuckled, a cocky tone to his voice.

“Only if you’re done being a douche.”

“What do you mean?”

“Ever since you turned into a werewolf you’ve been nothing short of unbearable with your cocky behavior and holier-than-thou attitude.” I could hear him shifting on the other line, the news taking him aback. It seems Derek hadn’t told his pack that I knew everything.

“H-how… who told you?”

“Derek, your alpha. He told me everything the other day. I know all about werewolves, kanimas, hunters, pack, blah, blah, blah. But none of that excuses your behavior,’’ I sighed. “So, are you done being a dick?”

“Maybe,” he chuckled. “Can I see you?”

“Sure. Why don’t we go grab a bite? I’ll pick you up.”

“Alright!” He sounded excited. “I’ll text you the address.”

After hanging up I decided to take a quick shower before leaving. I threw on a white t-shirt and jeans and paired them with my leather jacket. As I tied my boots, I reached for the keys of my dad’s Chevrolet Suburban. Hopefully, I didn’t crash. In the car, I typed in the address Isaac had sent me. It was an industrial loft not too far from my own home. I honked my horn to notify Isaac I was there as well as sent a text.

“Are you stalking me now?”

I jumped at the sound of Derek’s voice and the knock he left on my window. . He appeared like a ghost and leaned on my door. “I could say the same about you. I’ve never been here before.”

“I live here,” he laughed, pointing at the building. “It’s my loft.”

“I’m here to pick up Isaac,” I said sheepishly. “So, he’s been staying with you. I thought you live in the woods.”

“It’s my family’s house and it’s under my ownership, but it’s not under livable conditions. And, yes, Isaac has been staying with me.”

“Hey, Derek.” Isaac finally emerged from the doors and jogged up to my car, patting Derek on the back. The man’s expression rapidly changed as soon as Isaac joined the conversation. The playful smile he wore had been replaced by a menacing scowl. “We’re going out for a while. I’ll see you later.”

We said goodbye and as I drove off, I stared at Derek. His body was tense, and his jaw was clenched. He was angry, but I didn’t know why. When we were alone, he was a completely different person than what he showed to others. There was this terrifying façade that was impenetrable by everyone else, yet he was a completely different person with me; he was an Alpha to the others, but he was just Derek to me.

I parked the car at a small burger joint Isaac directed me to. It wasn’t too full, so our food came out quickly. We sat at a table in the back, far from any prying ears.

“So, what did you mean about this cocky attitude?” He popped a french fry into his mouth, playing around with his food. “You seemed quite mad about it. Mad enough that you avoided me for some time.”

“Ever since you transformed you’ve been carrying yourself like you’re above everyone, you don’t even bother to be respectful of teachers or anyone for that matter. I miss the old Isaac.”

“You mean the pushover wimpy kid?” He scoffed. “I can’t say the same.”

“That’s not what I meant.” My hand reached out to his clenched fist and his hold softened. “You were nice and respectful, and knew how to treat others because you knew how it felt to be mistreated. Of course, you could have done with more confidence, but that’s not what this is. It’s almost as if you’re turning into Jackson, heaven forbid.”

His eyes softened and I knew I was getting through the wall he had built up.

"I'm sorry, (Y/N). It's just… this is the first time in my life that I have felt powerful, like nothing and no one can touch me. I've dealt with so much shit that I thought I deserved to act like that," he sighed. "Can you ever forgive me?"

“You’re practically my best friend, how could I not?”

“Thanks.” He gave me a smile that I happily reciprocated. For the first time in a while, I was seeing the Isaac I had met some time ago. “So, what is it that you needed to speak to me so eagerly.”

“Remember how I mentioned that I would be moving at the end of the year so you shouldn’t get attached?” He nodded. “Well, it seems you’re gonna have to put up with me for a long time. Beacon Hills is now my home.”

“What?! That’s great!” He exclaimed a little too loud. Heads turned towards us and Isaac tried to hide his blush. “Does that mean we can truly be friends now? Not just study partners or casual conversation acquaintances?”

“Yes, Isaac. That’s exactly what that means,” I laughed. His face had lit up as the hard mask he wore finally broke apart. “By the way, I’ve been meaning to ask you, what happened the night that I picked you up? It was such a weird night.”

His whole demeanor changed, clearly a sore subject to talk about. "If Derek told you what we are I presume he told you about everything else." I nodded. "The Kanima. It killed my father. We, um, had gotten into a fight and I ran out. It seems he went out looking for me but didn't get to me. I found him dead in his car, but I ran and called you."

" Isaac, why didn't you tell me? I mean, I know why you didn't tell me, but something; you should have told me something.” I looked into his eyes, worry evident in them. He had gone through such a traumatic event basically by himself. “Is that why the police were looking for you?"

He nodded. "They thought I had something to do with his murder because of something Jackson said. He was unfortunately my neighbor and had seen me running out of the house, but there were no tracks leading to me. I'm not a fugitive anymore." He smiled softly.

“I’m glad, Isaac, really. And I’m truly sorry for everything you’ve had to endure alone for all these years. You didn’t deserve it.”

“Thanks, (Y/N). At least that part of my life is over.”

“Now we just have to get that damn Kanima and get on with our lives.” We laughed.

Before we knew it, the sky outside had turned dark, signaling the arrival of the night. The car ride back was filled with mindless chitchat and soft background music. It had been a long few days and exhaustion was evident in both of us. Soon enough, the grey building had come into view.

“Do you want to come in for a bit?” Isaac leaned into the open window of the driver’s side.

“I think I’m just gonna head on home. I’m a bit tired and we have school tomorrow.” I smiled. “But, I’ll take you up on the offer someday.”

“Isaac, good to see you’re back,” Derek announced himself, his two betas following behind. “You’re late for training.”

“Sorry, Derek. Time slipped away.”

“Sorry won’t cut it.” His voice was commanding and a bit intimidating. I could see why everyone around me feared him. “Go with Erica and Boyd. Get started.”

'‘Bye, (Y/N). I’ll see you tomorrow.” I smiled and nodded, trying my best to comfort him.

“See you.” Derek stood back as we both watched the three figures disappear into the building. His chest moved, heaving, and he reeked of jealousy. “What’s your problem?”

“What?” Did he truly believe I was that oblivious? “I just…”

“You’re acting like a prissy child, Derek. You knew where Isaac was, who he was with, and that there was a possibility that he would come back late. There’s no need to grill him that hard.”

“He’s old enough to manage his time correctly, (Y/N). He needs to learn discipline. This has nothing to do with you.”

“Clearly, that’s not what’s happening here,’’ I laughed dryly. “Look, pardon the metaphor, but this whole alpha male act is gonna get very tiring, very quickly. If this is how you’re gonna be, don’t bother on scheduling that date this week.”

“Don’t be like that, (Y/N). I swear this has nothing to do with you. There are certain rules that we have to abide by, a different life. It’s complicated.”

“You’re not making any sense, Derek.”

“It’s hard to explain.”

“Yesterday we said no secrets, Derek. What changed in the hours that have passed?”

“Nothing’s changed. I’m sorry if I seemed too harsh on Isaac, but I have to be. They’re young and reckless, and it’s my job to make sure they stay safe. No matter the cost.” He ran his hands across his face as he let out a loud sigh. “Why don’t we just keep the supernatural and our personal lives apart.”

“We can try that for a while, but they’re bound to intersect at some point.”

“I know, but…”

“Let’s play it your way and see how it goes, okay? And lay off Isaac and the others? They are just kids.”

“I’ll try,” he smiled softly. “Text me when you get home, okay?”

“If I remember.”

I backed the car up and sped back to my house. When I opened the garage, my father was sitting on the spot where the car usually went. I had forgotten to tell them I would be gone, and my phone’s battery had died a while back. I was in so much trouble.

“Good to know you’re alive, darling daughter.” The sarcasm spewed from my father’s mouth, and it stung.

“I’m so sorry. I went out with a friend and my phone died. And I know I forgot to say I was leaving the house, but I rarely do that, so please forgive me.”

“Calm down, (Y/N),” he laughed. “We just wanted to make sure you were okay. You weren’t answering your phone, so we got worried. But remember, there’s a tracker on the car. We figured you were out. And I’m glad to hear you have a friend. It’s about time.”

“Thanks, dad.” He wrapped me in a hug and patted my head. If he knew who my friends were I’m sure he wouldn’t feel the same way. “But, if you knew where I was, what was this whole scary setup? I for sure thought you were going to kill me.”

“Nothing like that, honey. But your mother and I have something we have to talk to you about.”

“What is it? You can’t take back that we are staying.”

“It’s not that, but it is serious. Let’s go, your mom is waiting in the kitchen.”

My heart was beating at a rapid pace, a million thoughts running through my head. Although, at the bottom of my heart I knew what this talk was going to be about.

Tag List: @hellowinterlane​ @lokisgoddesofpower​ @mersuperwholocked-lowlife @malar-region

[bythenineshards]

Hello to everyone who has a critical eye and doesn't excuse toxicity in the books they read because "iT's fAnTaSy!"

Written by humans for humans and glorifies abusive behavior is not cute. Ever.

"It's fantasy" is an excuse bad writers and bitchy stans use to justify something that's atrocious. Sorry your UwU dark daddy is an abusive PoS and you were too stupid to see it. There's no more kid gloves for stans. If you're gonna come after people and post about them by name and call them names, I am done holding back to spare your feelings. Unlike your Queeeeeeeen I'm gonna show consequences for your shit attitude.

Fiction, fantasy or otherwise has always been held to those "human standards" you bitch so heavily for us to ignore. You yourself thrust human standards on characters who did less than what UwU dark daddy did. He's just as human as UwU Dark Daddy. 

Fantasy and Sci-Fi have been used as ways to discuss issues in real life. Your precious books are not exempt from this. If the society and behaviours of the characters are abusive, then they are. No excuse. And it is even worse when the writer does nothing to condemn that society or those who commit them.

Spoilers for The Orville!

For example, The Orville is a sitcom version of Star Trek made by Seth MacFarlane. In The Orville there is a race of people called the Moclans. They are a society of (nearly) all males and (nearly) all homosexuals. The show features a couple aboard the ship, Bortus and Klyden. In the side plots of the show you watch as the cultural differences and perspectives on the ship begin to alter how Bortus thinks causing his relationship with Klyden to drift apart. The events, though comical at times, are a very realistic depiction of a marriage deteriorating due to one partner wanting to change and grow while the other wishes to remain bound to the lifestyle and morals of their culture.

The narrative never condones the bigoted parts in the lifestyle of Moclans. They also show that change can happen but it is often slow and the relationships you build can change you for better though it can also make things difficult.

I'm sorry that you love a PoS character who has done nothing for his people in his 500ish reign. I'm sorry you can't comprehend that analyzing books, their themes and characters is actually something that is encouraged. And I'm sorry that you think your opinion and trash excuses rank higher than actual logic. You can like UwU dark daddy all you want but know, when you say that, I do think lesser of you. And if your excuse for condoning abuse is "it's fantasy" then you need to read other books than this trash. Maybe you will be less like Klyden and more like Bortus.

Remember stans! If you're seeing this rant for whatever reason. If "human morals" and "human standards" aren't allowed to be used for UwU dark daddy, then I don't wanna you spewing shit about Nesta being abusive. She's fictional too. Don't open your mouth with those double standards. We get it, you don't like real flawed characters and would rather cling to Mary Sues masquerading as actual characters. Like a child.

One more time, just for the hell of it.

UwU Dark Daddy.

[messinwitheddie]

Wee need more on Loralei. Please share with us Loralei stuff! Howd she meet Dib? What's her dream job? Childhood memories? Share with us your Human OC!

Lorelai and Reg are my only two human ocs. I'm not as confident with my human oxs as I am my Irkens.

She comes across as a "bitchy ex" in the few times I've explored her character; which is really an injustice to her. She's not a bitch. She just has a lower tolerance for bs than most and bs has been steadily dumped at her feet her whole life.

Her design I've struggled with for a while, but I love drawing her. (Excuse her twists; lack of drawing skills on my part. I'm trying ^^;)

Lorelai von Verminstrasser

Granddaughter of Countess von Verminstrasser; the de- louser. Daughter/ youngest child of Prof. Arnd von Verminstrasser, (German super-scientists/ heir to the V.V. genetics lab/ nature reserve located somewhere in the depths of the Black Forrest) and Prof. Youmna Abdelsalam; (a master architect/ architectural history major from Cairo.)

There's a lot of fan lore behind Lorelai's character involving the von Verminstrasser family; which in my au, is an old, wealthy family of scientists/zoologist/biologists/ cryptid hunters dating back to the 12th century. In modern years their research has been less focused on hunting and more about documenting/ preservation.

Lorelai grew up on her family's nature reserve. She was homeschooled until she was 15. Her parents are loving and encouraging, but also can be eccentric, strict and often hold her to high standards; especially concerning her grades. Growing up, her family heavily involved her in their research/ experiments. Countess often included Lorelai on cryptid hunts. She was taught a long list of wilderness survival skills, an in depth understanding of animal biology/ behavior and unlimited access to von Verminstrasser tech.

Despite consistent displays of competency; she often found herself in the shadow of her older brother/ cousins.

She met Dib on the swollen eyeball network under the name “agent Khonsu" when they were 13. She originally only joined to troll her older brother, who often trolled the SE message boards. She and Dib never exchanged personal information beyond that of their SE names. She came across a lot of nonsense among the organizations, but was intrigued by what seemed legitimate. She and Dib had many heated debates. Their biggest argument was actually not over Zim, but over her theory that prof. Membrane was an alien or cryptid... and over who built the pyramids, but mostly her "Prof M. is an alien theory).

She and Dib met in person when she was 14. She had joined her parents and “oma" Countess to a trip to America. Her father was to assist Prof. Membrane on a major project/ guest appear on his show.

Lorelai seized the opportunity to gather evidence on her theory. She managed to infiltrate Dib's house and explore Prof. Membrane's personal lab.

Her theory was disproven upon further investigation. She immediately apologized for her accusations/ intrusion, which Dib reluctantly accepted. She admitted to him that her theory about the professor was faulty, but she desperately wanted a way to be noticed; on the SE network and by her family. She found a kindred spirit in Dib. They became close friends and continued to discuss (more civilly) paranormal science with him in the SE message boards. She later helped Dib infiltrate Zim's base one last time before he left Earth.

The two dated via video chat and the occasional visit until they were 19. With her family's blessing, Lorelai transferred colleges/ moved to Dib's city to live with him/ earn her degree (s).

The two of them went on a world paranormal hunt when they were twenty (behind their parents' backs). Their son, Reg was born soon after.

Lorelai has many fond memories exploring her family's nature reserve as a child. Some of her fondest memories are exploring haunted/ or paranormal sites with Dib. She loves rock climbing, hiking and tracking animals.

Now that she has had opportunities to explore who she is as a separate entity from her family and a world outside the V.V nature reserve, she would eventually like to take on the responsibility of running it/ protecting it. (She cannot trust it to her brother and cousins who have little interest in maintaining the reserve.)

Since her breakup with Dib she has returned to her ancestral home to help manage the facility. Her biggest goal as of late (beyond furthering her studies/ being a good mother to Reg) is to prove the existence of the Wolptertinger.

I glossed over so much and there's still so much text.

I realized after going through my tags I've spelled this poor oc's name wrong since the beginning. ><

[birdmans]

theories & think space:

mailin: obsessed with the idea that she is white feminist noora/mia being called out and corrected bc it just is so spot on and necessary in the skamverse like the north REMEMBERS 2017 noora discourse

future of sporty spice: i honestly don’t think constantin is gonna get a full fledged “redemption arc” but i do think that they are gonna either have the instas drop him by the end of this season and use that to transition into ismail’s story or have him just be there as the resident asshole for the remainder of the series? like druck already introduced the josh/constantin animosity which seems to be a legit plot point that’ll only lead to more information about both of those characters (which we don’t know that much about tbh)

_huelk: im sorry but this has GOT to be himbo william or yara like i will die on this hill that it’s someone we’ve met already. they are also gonna be called back sometime soon bc they’ve already planted the seeds for this arc to happen in an ava season

ismail: definitely an interesting character out of the instas bc their behavior to me is something else...like i don’t think druck is gonna cop out and say that ismail only bullied ava bc of constantin? we already got confirmation that ismail was rude/bitchy to nora bc of her treatment to constantin but ava on the other hand didn’t do anything. sure they could go the whole “some toxic friends make you do bad things” route which is totally valid but i feel like ismail’s arc is more complex than that. like maybe they just are a complete bitch on their own and constantin helps encourage that? who knows?

finn: my mans is gonna get a personality besides zoe and his dog...just you wait but also im kinda obsessed with the fact that he does nothing? like its bc we know a total of nothing abt him and it’s prob not deliberate but he’s easily (so far) the least messy insta who’s just there to vibe so it’s a bit refreshing but at the end of the day; give him a fucking arc you cowards

eventual cash queens/instas joint slay: this is like endgame usually for all skam seasons but this one is different bc it all rides on when kieu my, ismail, and constantin (still weary on him tho) apologize to the cash queens but mainly to ava. like i assume there’s been offscreen talk with ava, zoe, and finn to the point where they are cool but the other triad will def be a different apology

[stellar-imagines]

HEADCANONS REQUEST: ❝snobby & low-key sweet S/O.❞

[ Fandom: Boku no Hero Academia ] [ Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Todoroki Shouto ]

「Headcanons of Bakugou and Todoroki with a cheerleader S/O who can be brash, snobby and ditzy but is actually low-key sweet and guilty for behaving like a snob towards people.」

BAKUGOU KATSUKI  

♤ Bakugou does not mix well with you honestly. He gets fucking pissed whenever you act all high and mighty around him like a snob, flipping your hair and shit. This guy grumbles and bitches about your attitude to his friends. It kind of comes in a set, at least that's what Bakugou thinks, cheerleaders and snobby attitudes. He doesn't see himself getting along with you at all. The two of you will be at each other's throats whenever you run into each other, throwing insults of your own.

♤ If you're the type who takes cheerleading quite seriously, Bakugou sees you in different light. Cheerleading requires a lot of effort and it's a sport where one can get injured quite easily. He knows that cheerleading requires skills, strength, good coordination and teamwork. It's all the qualities needed to be a hero so he thinks that its pretty amazing how you're doing this kind of thing on a daily basis. The guy sees you practicing one day and failing at one stunt which ended up with a nasty injury. From that point onwards, he kind of respects you but that doesn't mean he tolerates your snobby attitude and your sarcasm. 

♤ Okay but have you seen those cheerleading outfits? A sports top that exposes your stomach, a pleated skirt that and socks that reached your knees. Like what the fuck? That's so fucking hot. Call him a pervert but he's damn sure that guys drool over girls in cheerleading uniforms. It's not only the uniforms, he had caught you practicing and doing warmups, you were wearing these yoga style pants that showed off your legs and butt. How is that not hot?

♤ Eventually, he overlooks your snobby attitude, and came to a conclusion that you're actually a nice person. You're not some snobby, bitchy, cheerleader 24/7 anyway. Bakugou likes how lively you are and how you shine when you're doing your thing, smiling, bubbling with excitement as put your all into something you really love doing. It makes him realize that you're not what he actually thought you were. The guy is extremely proud of you and will not hesitate to brag. 

♤ Putting aside your snobby attitude, he finds out that you're a ditzy and sweet person. You can act all snobby and brash in front of others but behind closed doors, you have the cutest hobbies and make silly mistakes from time to time. Bakugou feels special as he is probably one of the very few people who knew about this side of you. He has to admit that he finds it cute when you come to him to mumble an apology. You turn from "Be grateful that I even bother to give you attention" to "I'm sorry for saying that, can we cuddle?" He's just fucking soft for you.

TODOROKI SHOUTO

☆ Todoroki doesn't get offended that easily but he gets a bit annoyed when you're acting like a snobby bitch towards him. He's not petty so he will probably just let you run your mouth until you decide to shut up on your own. You kind of reminded him of Bakugou, minus the explosion but plus the cheerleading stuff. The guy doesn't normally get pissed at Bakugou for behaving rudely. So, it didn't take long for him to get used with your attitude. This was how everything was at first.

☆ He doesn't know a single shit about cheerleading and thinks that it's just a sports for girls where they cheer for the team as a form of encouragements to motivate sports team, entertain audience or for competitions. Once he has a look for himself, he will be very amazed by how complex things were. Your routines contain a mix of tumbling, dancing, jumps, cheers and stunting. He came to realize that it wasn't a sport to be taken lightly of. When you both start dating, he will be a bit concerned when you get injured.

☆ Todoroki keeps silent and a cool exterior whenever he sees you in your cheerleading uniform but in reality, he thinks its super cute and hot. Those short skirts and the top that hugs your bust perfectly, is something worth staring at. He finds himself staring at you while you're doing routines, unable to take his eyes off your every movement. He stares at you a lot and don’t think its because he thinks your routines are weird okay?

☆ You were kind of happy with being Todoroki's girlfriend. He doesn't seem that bothered with your snobby behavior. Whenever you say something snooty, he will ignore it and continue with whatever he was doing which ultimately causes you to take the hint and stop misbehaving. Honestly, he can change your attitude. Todoroki will talk to you about your behavior, encourage you to learn to drop your cold front and ways of dealing with things.

☆ Todoroki thinks that its quite amusing when you go from "Don't expect me to thank you just because your helped me with something so trivial." to "Thank you for carrying this for me, sorry." He knows that people easily misunderstands you because of how you behave and the guy sticks around you to prevent that misunderstanding. Todoroki knows that you get worried because you say mean things to people and end up hurting their feelings. He's very patient with you because there are times where you show him your snobby attitude. However, he learns to deal with this and help you with your issues.

Total: 926 words Published: 03.05.2020

Thank you for requesting! ｡٩(ˊᗜˋ)و*｡ We received a lot of requests that are very alike. Hope you’re all okay with us combining them.... ― author Lou

Thank you for requesting! Hope you liked it anon!― author Natsuki

Requests are closed for now! Matchups are closed!

Please do not mind the grammar mistakes and typos.

[zeppelin-and-unicorns]

A Donna Pinciotti character study (and how I write her on my stories)

I'm apologizing in advance, this is too big, I talk a lot.

Someone sent me an ask a week ago asking why I write Donna as a nice character, and that inspired me to make a specific post about my thoughts on the characters and how I choose to write them on my published stories, more specifically, in Rock You Like a Hurricane and When The Levee Breaks. So here we go.

I love all the main 6 characters, not equally, everyone has a favorite, but in the end, they all have a very special place in my heart.

Out of the six characters, Jackie and Eric are my favorites. I have trouble writing Eric, but I really love him, I don’t get why he gets so much hate, he’s such a good person. They are followed very closely by Hyde, I relate to Hyde a lot, and honestly I love writing him. I think Hyde and Jackie are deep characters, with lots and lots of layers, and I love exploring them.

They are all complex characters with distinct personalities, each one has their specific storyline, and they all have their little quirks. They are not perfect, they have defects and qualities just like any other human being.

This post is about Donna, but I plan on making separate posts for each character later. I just wanted to share some of my thoughts.

Let's start off, shall we?

Donna was my favorite character, until I started season 4. One of the things that bothered me the most on the show was how much Donna's character regressed after her first break up with Eric.

Donna is a very likeable character in the earlier seasons, she's independent, determined, passionate about the things she loves, cares deeply about her friends, among other things. What I particularly loved the most about Donna, was how progressive she was for a teenage girl living in the 70s.

She and Eric were a sweet couple, and their love was pure. Their break up at the end of season 3 was heartbreaking, but it was very in character for me. Donna always wanted to be a strong, independent woman, and Eric was trying to tie her down. And while I could understand Eric's reasons, Donna also had a pretty strong point. I do believe things could have been solved with proper communication, but they were teenagers and these things happen.

After their breakup, both Donna and Eric acted immature, but after Donna's mom left, she... well, she's changed. And not for better. There's this one episode from season 4 that really upsets me. Right after Midge left, Donna slept with Eric, and Eric was really happy afterwards, he thought they were back together, but Donna had absolutely no intention of getting back together with him, in fact, she said "she would've done it with anyone". She used Eric in that episode, she should’ve been clear to him about her intentions, I get that her mom left and that she was sad, but that was kind of cruel of her and I felt really bad for Eric.

That's one of Donna's flaws: whenever she's going through something, she becomes this selfish person, too wrapped up in herself to focus on anyone else's problems. She refuses help and she acts up, showing really self-destructive behaviors (like purposely failing school, smoking cigarettes, dating Casey Kelso, etc). Donna’s kind of a hypocrite, she doesn’t like when people tell her she’s wrong about something. She also doesn't care about anyone other than herself when she's angry or sad, a clear example of that was running away to California with her best friend's boyfriend, because she was feeling humiliated about being rejected by Eric. That was a pretty shitty thing to do, Jackie did not deserve that.

In fact, Jackie did not deserve many of the things Donna did to her, but to me, Donna’s worst offence was to side up with Kelso during all the times he was an asshole to Jackie (yes, that includes when Jackie started to date Hyde).

As a self-proclaimed feminist, Donna should’ve been more empathetic towards Jackie. She should’ve told Jackie about Kelso and Laurie, she should have discouraged Jackie to get back together with Kelso on season 3 (everyone knew how toxic they were, even Hyde tried to stop them from getting together again in his own way - by breaking that egg - but Donna actually encouraged Kelso and seemed rather amused with the situation), she shouldn’t have shown her boobs to her best friend’s boyfriend on episode 4x20, she shouldn’t have ran away with her best friend’s boyfriend without even thinking about Jackie’s feelings, she should’ve supported Hyde and Jackie’s relationship from the beginning, she should’ve called Kelso out on his hypocrisy towards Jackie and Hyde on season 5, she should’ve been there for Jackie - without judging her - when her mother came back. She should have been a better friend to Jackie in general, Jackie was bitchy and kind of annoying, but she was a good person, and she was always there for Donna when she needed it.

Jackie was supposed to be the bitchy one with a huge ego, but Donna slowly took her crown. To me, in later seasons, Donna was worse than Jackie from season one - season one Jackie was a bitch, but she was also innocent, and she didn't know better, Donna did, and she loved calling Jackie out on her behavior. I'll elaborate more on that when I write Jackie’s essay. 

And (I’m afraid people are going to judge me for this one) Donna should’ve been a better girlfriend to Eric. People always say that Donna was too good for Eric, and well... I disagree.

In the first three seasons, Donna and Eric’s relationship was healthy, they were cute together, and you could see how much they loved each other. But they got back together in California and didn't even talk about why they broke up in the first place. They just ignored it and pretended it never happened. Like, wtf? And then out of nowhere Eric proposes and she says yes? She hadn't accepted his promise ring less than a year before, and now she accepted an engagement ring? I’m sorry, but that was very OOC to me. The reason why they broke up was that she didn’t want to make such a big promise because they were sill young, and then they just get engaged when they’re still in high school? That’s bad writing to me.

Their relationship in season 5 was okay, their engagement didn’t make any sense, but overall, they treated each other well and were in love.

Then Red had his heart attack and Donna decided to postpone college so she could be with Eric. Another thing that didn’t make sense to me. Donna basically threw away her whole future in order to be with Eric in season 6 and 7, and they broke up in season 3 because she didn't want that for herself. It’s just… well, shitty writing.

After she stayed for Eric, their relationship changed, at least from what I could tell. And then all the episodes had the same storyline for Eric and Donna: Eric does something stupid, Donna overreacts, Eric spends the day kissing her ass to make up for it, in the end she forgives him and it’s always the same thing “Donna, I’m a dumbass, you’re too good for me, I’m sorry” and bla bla bla. It’s a freaking cycle, and it only gets worse after Eric leaves her at the altar.

Eric was a good person and a good boyfriend, he had his flaws, but overall, he was a decent guy, he shouldn’t feel inferior to Donna. She mocked him for liking the things he did (Star Wars, Styx, roller disco), and often acted like she was too good for him, a good girlfriend is supposed to support her boyfriend in whatever makes him happy, not force him to quit something because she thought it was too girly.

(For example, when Hyde was going to work at the muffler shop with Red, Jackie didn’t like that idea, but she supported him anyways, she said “If it makes you happy then, I’m happy”. Donna wasn’t very supportive of Eric’s choices, the roller disco thing is a great example, I mean, yeah, it was girly, but he liked it, so she should’ve supported him).

In my opinion, Donna and Eric’s relationship on seasons 6 and 7 wasn’t a healthy one.

I’m not even going to mention Donna’s actions on season 8. To me, they were unforgivable, that’s why I totally understand why people write her like a bitch on post season 8 stories. But hey, everyone was acting OOC in season 8, that’s why I tend to ignore its existence most of the time.

In Donna’s defense though... That was mainly bad writing. I believe that the real Donna would’ve been more empathetic towards Jackie, she would’ve called Kelso on his crap, and she would’ve actually talked to Eric about their problems. She also would have gone to college, she and Eric could make distance work.

Up until season 4 we could see that the writers were actually developing a storyline for Donna. She was bitchy in season 4, but her parents had just got divorced, she and Eric had broken up, her mom left... Her life changed a lot, it’s understandable why she acted out, the writers knew what they were doing then, at least in the character development part, but then season 5 started and Donna was a whole different person.

I don’t know if I’m making any sense in this essay, I have trouble expressing myself sometimes because english is not my first language, but basically, to me, the writers stopped caring about Donna’s character development by season 5 and I’ll always be bitter about that. 

A clear example of character development is Jackie, Kelso and Hyde. They grew and matured over the seasons, Donna didn’t, not really, if compared to them. It's incredibly sad to see most of the characters growing and genuinely being better people, while Donna was just… being there.

Donna had her good moments, as I’ve mentioned before, Donna has qualities, plenty of them by the way. She’s passionate about the things she loves, she wants the best for her friends, she’s determined, she has a kind heart.

One of my favorite scenes from the show is when Jackie asked Donna to help her not to fall into Kelso’s “charm” again, when he was trying to grow a beard. Donna was an amazing friend in that episode, it really made me smile. Donna had some really good moments with Jackie. I wish she valued them more, but I blame that on the writers and their need to put women against each other for “comedy”.

The Donna I write on my stories is based on the Donna from the earlier seasons, it’s a Donna who still has her flaws, but she pushes her pride aside when she recognizes she's wrong and apologizes, she doesn't see Jackie as her competition, she sees her as a friend who she loves very much, and wants the best for her.

When The Levee Breaks Donna is the real Donna, at least how I think the real Donna actually is. After Eric sent her that letter, she recognized that she gave up too much for him during their relationship, and that she wasn't being herself by doing so, so she decided to no longer wait for him and be her own woman, that's why she moved to Chicago. No one is worth giving up her dreams for, not even the love of her life. 

She loves Jackie and wants the best for her, that's why she encourages Jackie to move to Chicago with her, and she also wants to make up for the times she wasn't the friend she deserved. Donna recognized how wrong she was by siding with Kelso, and admitted that she took Jackie's friendship for granted. 

This Donna lost all the respect she had for Hyde when he came back from Vegas, to her, that wasn't the same Hyde she grew up with (she wasn't wrong), and she wasn't going to stay quiet and let him destroy himself (and Jackie). She stepped up, and tried to shove some sense into Hyde's head before leaving with Jackie, but Hyde can really be an ass when he wants to, so she gave up and punched him, that was the last time she saw him until he got his head out of his ass and went to visit them at Chicago after New Years.

Donna was heartbroken, but she refused to dwell on it and tried her best to move on with her life. She's at the top of her class at college, she's trying to be there for Jackie (who wasn't doing so good when they first moved in) and she tried to date someone else. 

Turns out that you can't really date someone if you're still in love with your ex, so that didn't work out very well for her, but it helped her realize that what she felt for Eric was real, and that it wasn't going away anytime soon.

In Chicago, Donna and Jackie formed a strong bond, they were friends before, but Chicago kind of made them sisters. During those 6 months they've spent living together, Donna developed very strong protective instincts towards Jackie, especially after Jackie opened up about her childhood with her mother. She saw Jackie struggling every day, she saw how often Jackie cried over the things that happened in Point Place, and she started to understand her friend better.

Donna's protective instincts kicked in when Hyde and Eric showed up in Chicago, but they softened after she talked to Hyde and realized that he was being genuine. She was still pissed at him, but she could see that he was suffering a lot, so in the end, she just wanted to see Jackie and Hyde being happy again.

Her feelings with Eric were conflicting, she loved him very much, and she was aware of that, she got tired of denying to herself, but that didn't erase the hurt of their past. After a long talk, she and Eric agree to start things again, but she makes it very clear that she's not giving up her future for him anymore.

One of my favorite Donna quotes on my story is:

"Eric, I don't need you in my life. But I want you in my life, I really, really do."

So basically, that's how I write Donna in WTLB, she still has her flaws, but she's overall a good person and a good friend.

Rock You Like a Hurricane Donna is not so different from WTLB Donna, she's still protective of Jackie, but not for the reasons WTLB Donna is.

Donna and Jackie grew up together in RYLH, no Eric, no Hyde, no Kelso, just the two of them, and I believe that had a significant impact on both of their personalities.

Donna and Jackie first met in school, and became best friends after Donna beat up a kid who was trying to bully Jackie. Donna and Jackie both had no friends - Jackie was new in school, and Donna was new in town - so they started to play together and basically became glued by the hip.

The fact that she didn't grow up as "one of the boys'' changed Donna's personality a bit. Not too much, we still love a lumberjacky Donna thank you very much, but her behavior around Eric and the rest of the boys is sheepish if compared to her behavior around the entire gang on the show.

That changes after a while, she starts to get comfortable around everyone after a few months.

Growing up with Jackie had an impact on her, not a bad one. Donna's way less judgemental, and she's not a hypocrite, at least not like she was portrayed on the show. Jackie calls Donna out on her bullshit, and Donna does the same for her, they make each other better and they would kill for each other.

Donna's also not afraid of showing her girly side every once in a while, and she and Jackie support each other on their interests. As shown in some chapters, Donna sometimes even watches Jackie's cheerleading practices, and she's always there to support her in the games.

Jackie encourages Donna to write on a daily basis. She always loved reading Donna's short stories, she claims that if Donna ever writes a book, she has to write a character based on her, preferably, a princess.

They have a healthy friendship in both of my stories, it's how it should've been on the show.

That’s all, I guess. If you actually read this, please feel free to give me your opinion about Donna too, I would love to hear it!

I’m posting Jackie’s character study sometime soon. Thanks for reading my ramblings.

[euhande]

⟨ SIMAY BARLAS. CIS FEMALE. SHE/HER. ⟩ though the mist might prevent some from seeing it, HANDE DEMIR is actually a descendent of A R E S. it’s still a question of whether or not the TWENTY-TWO year old PRE-LAW MAJOR from ÜBERLINGEN, GERMANY has taken after their godly parent completely, but the demigod is still known to be quite AMBITIOUS & ABRASIVE. 

BACKGROUND

hande’s mother is a highly accomplished aerospace engineering graduate from one of berlin’s premiere universities, having worked for various defense companies as a missile specialist since graduating with her master’s degree. she may basically be a rocket scientist, but it’s not rocket science to figure out why ares was attracted to her 😉

they began a tumultuous, on-and-off again relationship that would last for 5 years, and it was only when hande was born that ares dropped the bomb on her mother that monsters were going to try and eat their baby, so she better buckle the fuck up and get ready to raise a demigod

that was the essentially the ending of their relationship — ares became an absent father the way most greek gods are, intermittently sending birthday cards every few years but often getting the dates wrong. she can count on one hand the amount of times she’s met him in-person outside of being a baby, while her mother has been a constant (if sometimes suffocating) presence in her life. she wouldn’t say much about hande’s father when prompted by baby hande, just that he was an asshole and didn’t deserve to meet her, which, fair

from the time she entered kindergarten, it was obvious that she was highly intelligent but had, to put it mildly, explosive behavior problems that would routinely disrupt class time. students were constantly picking fights with her for reasons beyond the teachers’ comprehension, often times materializing from thin air or being an extreme overreaction for typical kid teasing and shenanigans.

schools didn’t know what to do with her. they tried claiming she had emotional problems, they tried moving classrooms, moving schools, and nothing worked. it wasn’t until she was eleven that she was found by a satyr and encouraged into joining a demigod camp over the summer, so that she would be able to control what was undoubtedly emerging odikinesis

that same year, her mother found a higher-paying work opportunity and relocated them to a small city near the swiss border called überlingen, which is home to a prominent defense company that manufactures, you guessed it, missiles. it was a shit ton of change coming from both mortal and demigod sides at hande, and she was resentful of her mother for years for hiding such a crucial fact from her... nevertheless, she was grateful she had a chance to start fresh in a new place and was able to explore the demigod side of herself at the demigod camp in athens   

it was pretty obvious she was a child of ares, but she wasn’t claimed until she punched a boy in the teeth for harassing her and knocked out a couple of his teeth. iconic queen.

an elite german boarding school nearby was where she attended mortal school, admitted fully on her merits (the discipline record was conveniently covered up by the mist), but it’s not like she could magically wish away her powers and function as a normal mortal in school. she had a shaky control of her odikinesis up until she was a teenager, and would often provoke other people in her grade, both accidentally and on purpose. she gained a reputation among her school as one of the more... well-known residents, and while she graduated without getting into a fist fight (on school grounds, that is), she also graduated with no friends.

eonia university was the logical place for her to attend college, elite and rigorous enough to satiate her ego while still being a haven for demigods, and she’s currently majoring in pre-law with the intent to go to law school and become a lawyer!

PERSONALITY

she’s an acquired taste for sure

someone’s first impression of hande is typically negative 95% of the time, and she’s not even remotely insulted by that. she knows she’s brash, she knows she’s outspoken, she knows she can be mean, and she’s unapologetic about it because why should she have to adapt her personality to be palatable to people who are probably weaker and stupider than her??? (her thoughts not mine)

i really have to stress she’s not a dick just because she likes to be a dick to people... like she’s not gonna go to up to anyone’s muses and start bullying them in person for NO REASON.... she is an ADULT WOMAN.... but you provoke her, and there will be a reason

she’s extremely passionate about causes she believes in and sees her opinions about everything from food to weather to politics as the complete truth, so what she might see as playful banter when someone holds a different opinion actually comes across as extremely rude and bitchy to the person getting brutally attacked by her unwarranted point of view. but when she’s actually trying to argue with you, you’ll know

she’s kind of unique for a daughter of ares in that she really doesn’t engage in much physical violence since she entered college, preferring instead to start what could be considered “warfare” over the internet and academically with similarly high achieving peers. but she DOES know how to fight, she just would rather die than have another child of ares intervention by the demigod authorities ASDKSKDFSDMF

so ambitious and academically competitive. it’ll cause her to have an aneurysm at age 22 at the rate she’s going. you didn’t hear it from me but she isn’t ABOVE sabotage if someone tries stealing her #1 spot... tonya harding anyone?? hande is definitely someone who would sacrifice you to a monster or shove you into the lake if it meant she looked better in the end... so that’s something she probably needs to work on

BUT with all that being said, if you aren’t being beaten down by her insane argumentative skills, and hande actually takes a genuine liking to you, you’ll find that she’s... a pretty normal person for the most part. she’s pretty witty, fiercely loyal to the few friends she does have, super smart, and generally pretty enjoyable company. very generous with her money (loves paying for her friends’ food) and cares deeply about everything she argues so intensely about. a lot of people never give her enough of a chance to get to know her (and understandably so), but if you did you really wouldn’t find the image of a shallow bitch that’s often projected onto her

there’s this facebook meme that goes “Need to find new haters... my old ones starting to like me 😂” and that’s it that’s her entire life

if you want to know more just read her app!!

MISCELLANEOUS 

fluent in german, greek, english, and turkish (in order of how often she uses them, though greek is arguably used more than german at this point, she’d just rather die than admit it) 

she starts twitter wars and trolls people online in all 4 languages. it’s her primary pastime and she’s been permanently suspended from twitter a whopping 4 times, but every time she just re-spawns and comes back stronger. absolutely notorious for saying out of pocket shit what she thinks about any given european country and the people who live there and getting ganged up on by said people SASDSDASD her favorite people to cyberbully are british people and french people... rip 

captain of the debate team, and part of model un and mock trial. her ruthless captaincy of the debate team has caused multiple freshman interested in joining to flee in tears, but eonia routinely kicks ass in debate in tournaments across greece and europe as a whole, so it’s not all bad. she is unbelievably skilled in debate and honestly pretty friendly to the people who actually manage to stick around on the team

kicked out of the feminist club for being overtly confrontational... if your muse is in the feminist alliance, hmu for plots 

when she started attending athens’ demigod camp, it got in the way of her going to istanbul with her mother every summer to visit family. she's only started routinely going again since attending university, so most of her time is spent between istanbul and athens and hasn’t been back to germany in a hot second

i just feel like she has the type of energy to own a chihuahua and carry it around in her purse. no allowed pets at eonia but STILL.... that’s the vibe lads

her sexuality is ambiguous and she likes to keep it that way because it’s no one’s business but any and all romantic plots are open to all genders :~)

aside from her odikinesis, she’s able to put minor curses on weapons and will usually do so to make somebody else look like a fool during training

[blackaquokat]

The Song You Might Have Been (Chapter 5)

Link to Chapter 1 and Chapter 4 !

A/N: This chapter is shorter than past ones, but somehow I don’t think you guys will mind, considering...well. You’ll see.

TW for another Attempted Murder. And an actual onscreen murder. 

---

You go right back to your cell. You don’t come out for dinner or the rest of the free time you’re allowed. 

Yancy doesn’t return to the cell either. 

Rex pops in, leaves beef jerky and apple slices on the little coffee table that also decorates your cell. 

“I’m not much of a cook myself,” Rex says to your back. “That’s my cousin’s specialty. He’s been working for the same rich bastard’s family for twenty years now, but on occasion he comes by to teach me a thing or two. Let me know if you want me to teach that Yancy dick a lesson.”

You mumble a thanks, but you don’t turn away from the wall. Your tears have long since dried up, but you’re in no shape to be interacting with anyone else.

The worst part? There is the smallest part of you that thinks...you could probably be happy here. With Yancy and Tiny and Rex and Jimmy and everyone else. Sure, you could do without the constant fear of getting shiv-ed in the shower, but you also deal with the fear of getting killed at home. On the way to and from work. In your office. Living in fear of getting killed over your ethnicity and gender (or lack thereof) is par the course, but at least here you’ve built up the kind of reputation where the backlash to your death would actually cause a stir outside of your professional influence.

If--when you get out of Happy Trails Penitentiary, you’re going to miss these people. At least you can rest with the knowledge that a few of them have your back.

You hear someone else stroll down the hall. Notable, since the cells are all empty right now. It might just be Rex or maybe someone else checking in on you. Still...you’ve been lying here for about half an hour, you should probably get up. 

As you start to do so, a length of cloth suddenly pops in front of your vision and tightens around your throat. 

The air knocks out of you as you’re dragged from the bed and land hard on the floor. You can’t get a look at your assailant and struggle to slip your fingers under the cloth to get it away from your throat and panic rises in your chest and you can’t breathe, you stretch out a different arm and scratch at whatever part of your assailant you can reach. All you get for your efforts are grunts of pain and the cloth tightening further on your trachea, but then your arm reaches back even further in a last-ditch attempt and you manage to crack your knuckles into his nose and listen to your assailant cry out, but your vision is already blackening and you have enough time to think, this is it, this is it, Mom, I’m so sorry, I--

“EAGLE!!”

The cloth jerks and then drops and you fall to the floor in a heap, hand going for your bruised throat. You roll over and try to climb to your feet. Tiny is on your assailant’s back, legs wrapped around his abdomen while her arms have him in a deadly chokehold. The assailant spins and rams her into the wall of the cell, knocking over the small nightstand and the lamp. Tiny clings tighter through the pain in her face but after three more hits into the wall, she drops her grip and falls to the floor while you’re still regaining your breath and reaching for the lamp (it’s the nearest and closest thing to a weapon in your reach). 

Your assailant turns back to you and pulls out a shiv but then Yancy comes barrelling out of nowhere and stabs the guy in the stomach with his own shiv.

Your assailant drops to the floor in a bloody heap. Yancy kneels beside him and turns him onto his back. “How about you tell me why youse just tried to off my friend here, and I’ll consider endin’ your life a little sooner. Cut youse’s suffering short, ya know?”

The assailant gurgles before looking at you with a sinister grin. “You know exactly who sent me.” He starts to laugh and you only have a moment to be unsettled by this reaction before Yancy reaches out and slices the shiv across his throat.

You shut your eyes and press the heel of one hand against your eyes while your other hand continues rubbing at your throat. You feel someone touch your shoulder.

“Hey, Eagle,” Tiny whispers. “Let me get you to the doc, okay?”

You’re stuck in a daze as you let Tiny lead you from the cell. 

You almost died. In a far more horrific way than bleeding out from a shiv. You’ve seen too many of these cover-ups come across your desk before. 

You almost died. Again.

But what’s even worse is that your attacker wasn’t another inmate. But he was someone you’ve seen in the prison before.

He was a guard.

---

“I was telling off the boss for his behavior,” Tiny explains later, while the doctor looks you over. “I told him he overreacted and that you hadn’t done anything to deserve his bitchiness. He didn’t take it well, but I didn’t care and I came to look for you…” She looks down. “Maybe if I hadn’t stuck around to yell at him, I would have found you sooner--”

“You--” Just the one word hurts like a bitch coming out of your damaged trachea. You clear your throat and try again. “You saved me, Tiny. Thank you.” One of your arms spreads out, a silent offer, and to your surprise, she smiles and steps into your embrace.

Is this what it’s like to have a sister?

The thought hurts almost as much as your throat.

You don’t see Yancy until you’re escorted back to your cell by Tiny and Rex after getting the “okay” by the doctor. He’s standing by the bars, waiting for you. Arms crossed, head ducked. He looks oddly contrite. 

Not that you’re noticing very much, considering you’re still shell-shocked by the assassination attempt and the implications behind a prison guard making the attempt.

But when you’re inside, Yancy puts his hand at your elbow and leads you to the bunk while Rex escorts Tiny down to her cell. You exchange a grateful nod with her before sitting down on your bed. 

Yancy sits down next to you. “I...I...” he shakes his head. “Youse almost died here.”

If it didn’t hurt to speak, you would have had a lot to say in response to such an obvious statement. As it is, all you manage is, “Hadn’t noticed.”

“I shoulda been here,” Yancy insists. “I shouldn’t have…” You see him look at you out of the corner of your eye. His gaze lingers on the facial injuries you sustained from your fight with him. “I’m sorry.”

If you were in a better mindset, you could have appreciated the significance of Yancy apologizing. But all you can think to say at that moment is, “You were there. You and Tiny. You saved me.” You shake your head, tears falling down your face for the second time that day, for the love of God. “Our last interaction wasn’t that stupid fight, at least.”

A shuddering breath leaves Yancy at that. You take that to mean he feels the same about the situation. 

“Yancy.” Your voice sounds so hoarse. “A guard tried to kill me.”

“I know.”

“I wasn’t safe before. But if any guard here can also get me…” You bite your lip, then wince as the action stretches a cut on your chin. By chance, you reach back and rest your hand on the blanket behind you. Your eyes widen in horror and feel around the bed frantically.

“My notebook is gone.”

“What?”

You stand and glance frantically around the cell space. “My notebook, I always have it either on that table or hiding in my bed-sheets, it was here before I was attacked, and now it’s gone.”

Yancy stands up, an unsettling realization slowly shaping his face. “What exactly was in that notebook, Eagle?”

“That’s just it!” You hiss back to him. “Nothing incriminating for anyone! I hid my mom’s picture in there!” That reminder is particularly panic-worthy. “It’s a list of books inmates are asking for, other possible improvements that can be made to Happy Trails, the only thing I can think of is--” You stutter to a stop and fall back onto the edge of the bed. “Oh God.”

“What?”

“I...I just wrote up a list of people I could probably talk to about grants that could be used for Happy Trails. That’s the only thing I can think of that would make someone take it. Only one person in the entire prison could benefit from that kind of list.”

Yancy’s eyes narrow into something dangerous and he starts rattling the bars of the cell. “Rex! I need to speak to the Warden!”

“What?!” Rex shouts back from the end of the hallway. “Now?”

“Yes, now!”

---

Even though you insisted on joining him, Yancy made you stay in the cell. You obey, because you are so damn tired and wrung out, the idea of confronting the warden over your notebook might be a little much for you.

But it means sitting in a cell. Alone. The same cell you were almost murdered in. A double-edged sword. You feel as though you’re going to sink through the floor into the darkness and let it choke you up until the moment Yancy is escorted back. 

The grim looks on Yancy and Rex’s faces are not encouraging.

“What are the odds that the warden will put me in protective custody after he stole my notebook of financial backers? Or that he’ll at least give me back that picture of my mom?”

Yancy’s silence is all the answer you need.

“Yeah. Thought so.” Your eyes shut as Rex shuts the door and leaves you and Yancy alone again. “I’ve seen a lot of shit in here. He probably thinks I’ll...I don’t know, blackmail him or report his crappy operation.” You suck in a breath. It catches at the ache in your throat. “Odds that I’ll survive until the next Visitation?”

“Eagle--”

“Maybe I should start carrying a shiv around. Not like I’ve got ready access to a scalpel, like my mom did when she was an army nurse.” You are seconds away from sobbing hysterically, but you can’t stop yourself from talking even as it hurts your throat. “At least at home, I had my favorite pair of scissors when I was attacked, but there is no way I’m going to have access to any here, and those were almost as long as shears--”

“Eagle, hey--”

“That asshole was going to hang me in this cell,” you hiss, suddenly. “He was going to fake my suicide.”

Yancy winces. Then he nods.

“I...I don’t mind being here,” you admit, barely above a whisper, and not just because it still hurts to speak. “I like fixing up the new library collection, I like the connections I’ve made, I...I like that I’m not alone. Felt like I was always alone before, even with Mom and Damien…” You laugh in disbelief and give a groan of pain a moment later. “But, and I can’t believe I’m saying this...I’m not ready to die yet. Funny, considering I think I’ve been ready for most of my life, but...not like this. Not for someone else’s greed.” Your arms wrap around your waist, as if you can keep your molecules from flying apart in a fit of panic. “I don’t know what to do.”

“That’s fine, Eagle.” Yancy slides closer to you, puts his hand on your shoulder. “I’ve got a plan.”

You finally make direct eye contact with him, for the first time since your fistfight. He looks determined and intense. “Does this plan involve bundling me away into Solitary?”

“I’ll tell youse about it later,” Yancy squeezes your shoulder and you’re astonished by the comfort drumming through you at the gesture. “You need some sleep.”

Your laugh is disbelieving again. “I don’t think I can fall asleep tonight, Yancy. I keep feeling that damn pillowcase around my neck.”

Yancy is silent for a moment. He clears his throat. “Youse, uh...youse want me to stay up? With you?”

Your body starts to tremble in earnest. You drop your head into Yancy’s shoulder, wrap your shaking arms around his waist, and finally let yourself sob quietly. If Yancy is at all uncomfortable or disgusted by this turn of events, he doesn’t make any indication of it. He’s stiff for mere seconds before one of his arms goes around you and pats at your arm in an awkward staccato. 

(Dimly, you wonder when was the last time this man properly hugged anyone, or when he was last hugged himself. You’ve gone almost a month now without physical affection from your mom or Damien and the skin hunger is hitting you particularly hard now.)

You don’t remember falling asleep. You just remember feeling safe, calm, utterly exhausted, and listening to feeling the beat of Yancy’s pulse as your head drops into the crook of his neck.

---

Link to Chapter 5 !

Thank you for reading! Please reblog/comment! If you want to be tagged/untagged for the rest of this series or this pairing, please leave a message in my inbox!

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[captain-lonagan]

omg another discourse post but what’s this it’s a heavily medicated discourse On the discourse omgggg some bitch trying to understand and summarize both argument while also being biased by what side of the argument they’re on omgggg i apologize in advance

i feel like there are two primary points of divide in the dsmp fandom over whether dream replying directly to assholes on twitter is okay.

the first is:

1. Team Dream Is Correct refers to the twitter assholes nearly exclusively as the ones that do death threats and try to dox him or reply with gore

2. Team Dream Needs PR Aide refers to the twitter assholes that are just standard people being bitchy on the internet as well as the death threat/dox/gore squad, although the primary focus is on the standard bitchy people

and divide two is

1. Team Dream Is Correct completely separates fandom from dream. each encounter between dream and the people he replies to is 1v1 and any fandom interaction that follows is coincidental since dream has no control over what fans do. + he has publicly disavowed those of his fans who harass and dox.

2. Team Dream Needs PR Aide says that since dream has (on his priv) tweeted about getting satisfaction from seeing assholes he replies to going priv because of harassment and he knows what happens to people he directly replies to it’s his responsibility to put some amount of distance between his response and the original asshole’s tweet. his public tweets about disavowing harassers are contradicted by his private encouragement of the behavior that makes assholes go priv. he knows what the consequences of his actions are and should plan his actions accordingly.

like i think most of us agree that the people being god awful in his replies and qrt’s suck and the whole situation is messy. the things that divide us are what kind of people are fair game to be harassed/doxxed and should dream be answering that first question based on someone’s replies to his tweets. his priv tweets have really boosted that second question because now we all know that he knows the people he replies to get doxxed, harassed, death threats etc.

the first divide from above i get why it exists. Team 1 refers to the people who do the most awful replies and Team 2 refers to the people most frequently caught in The Swarm. whichever type of reply you’re focusing most on changes the context quite a bit.

and then there’s the animosity between sides which is just. wonderful really wow we have such an understanding and empathetic community here on tumblr dot com wowowow both sides are doing soooo great.

Team 1 (but #NotAllTeam1) has a tendency to call Team 2 obnoxious or self-absorbed for not being able to put themselves in dream’s shoes and see how much pressure and hate he’s getting. dream easily gets more hate than any other cc at the moment and that no doubt fucks with his head.

Team 2 (but #NotAllTeam2) has a tendency to call Team 1…well there’s not as specific a set of common insults as Team 1 but there’s a lot of implying that Team 1 are just crazy parasocial stans or naive sheep.

so the discourse is going Great.

i don’t know where i’m going with this anymore god help me

Team 1 says “It’s Dream’s replies and his own life, he’s under a lot of pressure and he’s constantly harassed, he should be allowed to dish it out a bit himself,” or, as quite a few people on my dash have said more concisely: “Talk shit get hit”

Team 2 says “Eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. Dream is under pressure so he should see a therapist and set a time limit on his twitter app instead of setting this kind of example for all his fans to follow. He called watching his fans harass people a petting zoo.”

i’m trying to represent team 1 fairly but yeah i’m. im on Team 2 in case you couldn’t tell.

tldr: i think calling everyone on Team Delete Twitter an obnoxious asshole is disingenuous and i think treating Team Dream Good like they’re stupid babies is unhelpful.

[babybluebanshee]

Blue watches Golden Girls - Blanche and the Younger Man

- Rose’s mother is played by Jeanette Nolan, who many 80s Disney children may recognize as Widow Tweed from The Fox and the Hound. You might also remember that she gets a horrendously heartbreaking monologue about having to abandon Tod at a nature preserve to save his life, despite the fact he’s her beloved pet and she has raised him since he was a baby and please excuse me I need to go cry as I do whenever I so much as think of that scene.

- Bea Arthur’s haircut was terrible in the first season. She really had the sort of face that needed to be framed by her hair. It didn��t help that she wore a lot of shirts with collars and just looked silly.

- Alma and Sophia’s friendship is absolutely adorable. If there’s one thing I love, it’s cute little old lady friendships.

- Rose’s behavior towards her mother is indeed irritating, but it’s the incredibly understandable reason she does it that keeps it from being part of the tally. Like, my grandmother just died last year, and my parents are both in or nearing their sixties. Their health concerns me more and more as time goes on. It’s hard not to sympathize with Rose when she explains that she fusses over her mother because of she’s afraid of losing her.

- Rose is Secretly the Biggest Bitch: -That being said, Rose taking her fears over her mother’s advancing age out on people like Sophia and Dorothy is really fucking bitchy. Like, she basically treats Sophia like an irresponsible teenage girl who’s a bad influence on Alma, while Dorothy, who’s trying to be a voice of reason and encouraging Rose to stop treating her mother like an infant, gets told she’s “helped quite enough already” after Alma gets picked up by the police. Dorothy had done nothing but try to get Rose to lighten up and stop acting like her mother was helpless, and Rose is basically blaming her for something even Alma said was a simple misunderstanding. - Rose being all judgey about Blanche dating Dirk*. “I don’t approve of her dating a younger man.” Like...who the fuck even asked you, Rose?

- Saddest trivia ever: Betty White has said in interviews that, every time Rose had to have a conversation about her late husband Charlie on the show, she would think of her late husband, Allan Ludden. Like...ouch, Betty. Just ouch.

- Sophia’s conversation with Dorothy about how Dorothy doesn’t treat her like an old lady is really touching and I love it.

- Funniest joke of the show: “The only time I get into that position is when I give birth.”

* I would totally forgive you if me randomly mentioning Blanche dating her aerobics instructor being part of this episode came as a complete surprise to you. It’s not a very interesting plot and ends kinda stupidly. Honestly, I think the plot with Rose and her mother should have been the main focus and Blanche relegated to the sidelines. It’s certainly how the episode already feels.

[jewel021]

[Translated] The Current Truth of Mainland China in My Viewpoint

The Current Truth of Mainland China in My Viewpoint - Maybe Worse than Your Thought Please help to spread around. Please help to spread around. Due to my current situation, I may delete the original article any time. I am a college dropout from Mainland China. When I was a kid, I was bullied frequently due to my small physical size. As a result, I became sympathetic to the weak ones. Every time, when I see that the majority finds reasons to destroy minorities’s dignity, I always stand by with the weak sides. I was a loner when I grew up without many friends. This gave me a lot of time to read and think. One day, when I was in the college, I read Yang Xianhui and George Orwell’s books. My heart ached with anger and sorrow and fell into deep fears. The contents of those books had happened and would continue happening. I fear that they will further sensor and monitor into people’s thoughts and minds. If there is only one voice allowed, that voice basically only tells lies. Therefore, I always keep my mind sober and rational as long as there are sensors and monitors around. I feel sorry for my parents because I am from a poor family in a village. I was accepted into a prestigious university but dropped out. I have not yet told my family and do not know what to do. I plan to study one more year and retake the college entrance exam. I hope to go to abroad in the future. I have limited writing abilities, and my writing style is vulgar. I only try to justify what happen. Let me talk about the current situation in Mainland. 1: Indecency from diplomacy to the public broadcasting and from the top to the bottom. The statements of spokesperson from Foreign Ministry during the last Chairman’s regime were standardized and repetitive but still sounded diplomatic. During the current regime, the diplomatic style is changed to rude and unreasonable, even bitchy. The new style is appreciated and encouraged within the internal management, and the ones with the most fierce remarks were promoted the quickest. In general, the statements, which were recommended by the CCP (Chinese Communist Party) controlled media and were praised by the Little PInky [1], were indecent, at least, very unprofessional. For instance, the spokesperson called out certain countries, "troublemaker" and openly stated "live with it." They often rephrased their behaviors as "angrily rebuke" and "diss." They praised bitches, scoundrels, and racketeers as their ideological idols in their massive propaganda statements. If you randomly visited any website from the Mainland, the first thing you saw would be: "Dear Chairman Xi Cares the Poor." The next headlines would be: "Fai Ching [2] from Hong Kong Blocked Tourists Going Back Home", "The Americans Scare Pissing Themselves and Beg to Stop Trade War", etc.. I was too lazy to make screenshots. Believe it or not. Just go ahead to look around those popular Simplified Chinese websites, such as Hao123.com, NetEase, etc. These information was all real. They turned the patriotism into indecency. No wonder there is a saying, "Patriotism is the last shelter for hooligans." For instance, a bandit raped, stole, robbed, and committed all manners of crimes in a village. When the Japanese came, the bandit shouted out, "I am a Chinese man!" He fought the Japanese in the name of patriotism. Then, all his crimes were forgiven, and he became a hero instead of a villain, whom the villagers used to hate.[3] Nowadays, I do not know how many people like this bandit are under the disguise of patriotism. Those who shouted online, "Beat U.S. and kick Japan," may actually be loan sharks and pimps in real life. I met several of them like this in real life, including corrupted governmental officials. Those corrupted governmental officials made the most radical comments in WeChat Moments.[4] Not only the people are indencent, but also their behaviors are immoral. They believe that the patriotism has the highest moral value. If that is so, why do they act like extremely vicious mobs? They assaulted, smashed, robbed, killed, and eventually harmed their fellow citizens. Patriotism should be influencing others by persuasion, not threats. They used very malicious languages and behaviors to attack others, including smashing a Japanese brand car owner's head by using a metal U-shaped lock. Does anyone actually believe that the car owner would become more patriotic after receiving this evil attack? Besides, the car owner was labelled "unpatriotic" by them! A few days ago, I watched a video featuring some Northeasterners cursed Hong Kongers using foul languages and dirty words acted like a mob of hooligans, and they shouted, "You, Motherfucker, Hong Kong belongs to China." They also threatened to beat up some people. Those Northeasterners did not even understand why Hong Kongers protested. Nobody will be sincerely convinced by being attacked by foul languages and threats. The Mainland's internet was full of people acted like members of Boxer Rebellion [5], and those people claimed to wipe out whoever advocates Hong Kong independence. Those wolf warriors [6] in the name of patriotism from the Mainland to overseas behaved violently and filthily. Who actually disgraced Chinese people? One of the most notorious wolf warriors was the one, who a CCTV journalist, Kong LinLin, committed assault in the UK Conservative Party Convention 2018. Apparently, some other aggressive international students from Mainland acted like Kong and used some similar behaviors to grab people's attention online in the name of patriotism in order to get a good job or get promotions when they go back to the Mainland. 2. CCP kidnaps China CCP claims the ownership of everything in China. Anyone attacking the government is labeled as unpatriotic. Anyone disagreeing with Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) is labeled as ass-licking foreign dog. Anyone believing that stinky tofu is unhealthy is labeled as feeling superior of eating foreign junk fast food. Anybody, who is detested by CCP, will be called out by CCP: "Disgrace to China and Chinese people." CCP has perfected their ways of doing this method lately. In the past year, many people, groups, organizations have been called out. They created a false sense, which everyone outside of the Mainland was alienating and attacking China and its people, and they did nothing else for China and its people for an entire year. Nobody can even clarify anything was untrue on the news or in the social media or other discussion forum online. People are unable to post any opposition opnion online without being attacked by the little pinky or the wolf warriors. Even if the opposite opinion was not posted on the front page, they will still manage to dig out the post and curse the commentator. There will be at least a few dozens of people attacking the commentator, and the commentator's message box will be full of verbal attacks as well. As a result, the post will be censored and deleted by the website. This kind of scenario happens more on Bilibili. In the past few decades, CCP successfully established a bottom line for every Chinese as solely and wholly maintaining the nation's sovereignty. However, hatefully, CCP specifically mixed up the concepts of CCP or party, nation, and government. Therefore, anybody, who is against the CCP's interests, will be labeled as the advocates for independence of Hong Kong, Taiwan, Uygur region, etc. Let me give you an example why the CCP is wrong to mix up the concepts. Kuo Ming Tang (KMT) used to say to take back the Mainland. What if we reverse the CCP's notorious slogan, "Take back Taiwan"? Let KMT have the Mainland. I don't think they will reject the offer. Hence, in this scenario, Taiwan and the Mainland were still the same sovereign nation. So the problem is not about maintaining a nation's sovereignty rather than who rules the nation. As I stated in my previous texts, when maintaining the nation's sovereignty becomes everybody's bottom line, Chinese will react with rage towards anybody, who is labelled as separatist. This method is time-tested and proved useful, and the CCP keeps reusing over and over. 3. About 70 to 80 millions employees under the government's payroll. [8] The regime basically ties every citizen's livelihood into the same boat as theirs. More and more people take the governmental employee entrance exam every year. It doesn't mean that government employees have bigger paychecks than the rest of the society, but in fact, the government employees have good benefits, including paid maternity leave. [9] A benefit like this is very rare in the private sectors. Plus, working for the government is less stressful compared to working in the private sectors. The largest employer in the Mainland is the CCP and its controlled government. The reason for the CCP and the government to be the best employer in China is that they controlled every resource in the society. The CCP's controls are everything, but the people cannot feel the CCP's existence in their daily life, because the CCP is everywhere like the air which people breath in and they integrate into every corner in the society and people's daily life. People use to surround by air, so they will not pay attention to the air. When people walk on a street and see a wall, but people do not question why the wall is there, because they unconsciously recognize the existence of the wall by default. For instance, one of my relatives asked me, "Have you joined the party?" I replied, "Which party?" Then, he stared at me as I was a retarded person. On July 1, someone reminded me that was the Party's Day today. I asked, "Which party?" The person replied, "Of course, the CCP!" I responded, "Why wouldn't people and the media say the holiday is the CCP's Day instead of the Party's Day?" This is exactly like I stated previously. People have unconsciously recognized solely, perpetual, and lawful existence of the CCP by default. This is not based on fear, because people are used to it. People do not question the CCP nor sense anything wrong with it. People do not aware its integration into their daily life. Its supervision and control are like the gravity. It is always there and unsurprising. This is the reality of the mindset of the majority of the Mainlanders. 4. Most of the contents of the CCP come from the mid-age people between 50 and 60. Most of the young people are the CCP's defenders. I am merely stating my observation and not encouraging people to believe if there is any good in the CCP. The mid-age people were harmed the most by the CCP, so many of them were actually anti-communists. However, they barely express their viewpoint online and rarely pass their political view to the next generation. Next, I am going to write about the differences in the political views in the younger generations. For those were born in the 80s and dislike the CCP, they had emigrated to other countries or regions already. For those staying behind, they have a family and own properties (condos) in the Mainland. They are very cautious and never reveal their true political views. They sometimes take things as they are and immerse themselves into the "wisdom" of only serving self-interest. Moreover, they will not be the main force standing with the pro-democracy movement because they are no longer young. Those CCP's supporters and the CCP do not realize that the 80s group disgruntles the CCP the most among all other age groups. The millennials have the most little pinky within this age group. I do not know how many people in this age group actually read the news or receive information outside of CCP controlled media or social media. I feel pessimistic about what I witnessed. For instance, My high school classmate, Rhee, was from a prominent family. His father was a deputy director of Bureau of Land and Resources (BLR), and his mother was also in the leadership of the government. His family accumulates their wealth not merely based on his parents's salaries. His family bought 2 additional properties in Shanghai, where they did not reside. When Rhee studied abroad, he called other international students from Hong Kong names. He also tore up Hong Konger's posters on the pro-democracy movement. Moreover, he obstructed the Hong Konger's peaceful protests and demonstrations. I do not believe that those were the correct way to express one's disagreement. I believe that people persuade the opposite party by reasoning and logics. People should always defend for everyone's freedom of speech, even if they do not agree with that person. People should not simply silence the voice from an opposition party. Rhee sent the video quarrelling with the Hong Kongers to a group chat with his high school classmates. Other people in the group chat clapped and cheered praising him as "a real man" and "a good patriotic young man". They also scolded the Hong Kongers severely. Nobody ever thought about how Rhee's parents were able to pay his tuition when he studied abroad. Nobody questioned whose right was infringed when Rhee's father signed over some rights of some public resources at work. Nobody thought about this, but jubilated and complimented Rhee. He did not tear up for filming video and seeking attention, but he really believed that his actions were patriotic. The millennials aboard are like Rhee anti-democracy and support building firewall on the internet to decouple the Simplified Chinese to the rest of the world. A few days ago, I went to a prestigious university in Shanghai to look for a former classmate of mine. I overheard something when I was eating with my classmate. It was a conversation among a few fine-looking students regarding the current situation in Hong Kong. I heard clearly from one of the students, "This was all the US stirred up the fire. Those Hong Kong separists should be executed." I was too angry to eat. I was in rage, but felt pessimistic because those students were from top-ranking universities in the Mainland. They may study abroad one day. Why would they think like this? I did not understand. 5. Little pinky is disgusted. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [1] Little Pinky, a group of people [2] Fai Ching, the teenagers or young adults, who are useless and have something wrong in their mind behaving aggressively. Also, means negatively as a combination of jerk, asshole, and idiot. [3] Author's reference was related to Japan's invasion to China. For more information, you may find on other scholar's historical articles or archvies. [4] WeChat Moments: WeChat is the most popular social networking app among Chinese speaking people. WeChat Moment is very similar to Facebook or Instagram, which those two are banned in Mainland China. For more information, you may find the information online. The Translator of this article, Jewel, does not recommend to install this app to your device or link or cellphone number to it. [5] Boxer Rebellion: [6] Wolf Warriors: [7] Bilibili: [8] 4% - 5% of the population based on the official data, which could be false. [9] Mantatory paid maternity leave: ================= To Be Continued

[ladytwofangs]

PMS

Hormones are attacking me today. I feel so tired and down on myself. I’m literally at home wrapped in a blanket drinking some fancy stress relief tea. 

I asked a friend recently about when she got her first period, and told her about my first period, too. I got it at the start of the summer after 7th grade. I was 12, about to turn 13 the next month. We were at my uncle’s house in Ohio for my cousin’s graduation from dental school. I remember going to bed early, watching the movie Prime on a portable DVD player on my lap. The next morning, I woke up to a blood bath. I was wearing a pair of underwear from Victoria’s Secret that had rainbow stripes. The blood was pooled inside. I remember being freaked out, because my mom and uncle were downstairs and I was afraid to go get them. I waited for what felt like forever for her to come upstairs so I could tell her. I didn’t have any supplies. My cousin’s fiancee was there, but she used tampons and didn’t have a pad. Mom and my uncle went to the store for me, and they brought back a huge pack of pads, the ones with the wings. I remember feeling so embarrassed, wishing my uncle hadn’t known about it. But also, I remember my body feeling like it had betrayed me. I had been pushed out of my body and did not control my body. This was a feeling of not really being in my body, or at least no longer being one with my body. There was me, and then there was my body. 

Whatever notion I had of what a period was, it mostly involved women losing control. Women being impossible, overemotional, stuck in their suffering. Women with PMS didn’t have to be nice, didn’t have the control to be calm and rational, weren’t going to comfort you. When I was on my period, even that first time, I remember feeling like I did not have to pretend that everything was ok, because it wasn’t, and so I was on a pass. I remember being cranky and difficult. I remember getting frustrated with my dad, thinking how unfair it was that I was bleeding and had cramps and felt like crying AND he still babied me and expected me to act normal. A bleeding body is a body that has lost control, is losing itself. I was seeping out and disposing bits of myself. It gave me license to act like a real bitch, and my bitchiness was never on short supply even when I wasn’t on my period. 

Mom used to tell me that she would get annoyed at women who blamed bad behavior on their periods, who used it as an excuse. It wasn’t that she thought it was easy to have a period. But, she didn’t think it was good to encourage or verify men’s belief that periods made women crazy. I remember hearing boys in my class make fun of girls “PMSing.” I spoke back to one boy in my 8th grade class, and told him that it wasn’t funny. I hated anyone who said things like that. The hormones really do get to you, it’s hard to deal with. Women are disciplined into docile behavior, being good girls, yet our bodies sabotage this process, turn us into grotesque, angry bitches. 

There are so many stories like this -- when I shaved my legs for the first time, my first bra, getting braces, dieting. 

[phdivazebra]

“I’m Just Telling You That You Come Off A Certain Type Of Way.”

To which I laugh out loud and remark that if I had a nickel for every time I had heard that one I’d have quite a few dollars by now. This was obviously taken as evidence that I come off a certain type of way.

(Hey Mo, obviously it’s me again.)

I guess I really need to do one of two things: own my apparent bitchiness/intimidation or just not speak around people that think I come off as bitchy/intimidating.

The problem: I am not intending to come off as bitchy...and it seems as if in this case smart = bitchy. It’s not that I ask people to clarify their crazy claims, its the WAY I ask. It doesn’t matter that I was asked to tell people a little about myself, the mere fact that I told people about myself was too much information, definitely pretentious (it’s not my fault that you asked me what grad program I was in...if you feel it is pretentious to specify program when asked you need to revisit your reasoning). Oh and let’s not forget the apparent golden rule, spouses of the law students are to be seen and not heard, if they are to be included at all.

It’s not a gendered thing, he says. It’s not a you being in a PhD program thing. It’s something wrong with your personality, he says.

I’m getting really fucking tired of people getting mad at me because they themselves are too insecure to handle a woman that is smart and also takes care of herself. It is not my job to stand around smile like a bimbo because it makes you uncomfortable to hear me talk about statistics (because obviously math = devil and if you are not on board you cannot sit at the cool kids table).

This is what I am walking into, Mo. A viper pit full of insecure and vengeful lawyers-in-training. My instinct is to actually be a bitch and tell them that they really will not succeed as attorneys if they get uncomfortable when someone brings up something they aren’t an expert on. I can’t do this for the sake of my relationship.

The bigger issue: W doesn’t seem to be defending me at all on this. I literally sit and listen to them spout off law jargon for 6 hours at a time without objecting but it’s somehow totally fine and definitely a thing that I’m a bitch for saying a couple of sentences about my work when asked.

He doesn’t see how all I hear is “this is my new life and you are cramping my style”.

This program is already hard enough without him all of a sudden having an issue with it. I’m infuriated and have no desire to go spend my time around these people. I’m supposed to just fake it around people that are unwilling to make any effort with me. I know this is a lonely profession but fuck give me a break. To make things worse, this has no impact on me wanting to change my behavior or leave grad school. It is, however, causing me to question quite a few things about my relationship, namely, whether I am willing to put up with someone that isn’t willing to stand up for me, and even worse, someone that would rather ask me to change for people he has known for a matter of months when we have been together for years.

It also just hits home though. I have spent my entire life hiding behind my “stupid” pretty face while succeeding academically without being forthcoming about it. I spent years pretending I was that stupid pretty girl, and trying to fight criticism off when I clearly was not stupid. I finally got to grad school and have for the first time been in an environment where it is okay, encouraged even, for me to be smart, to ask questions, to correct people. It’s infuriating when W has never had to pretend to be stupid. It’s infuriating that he is basically asking me to pretend again to make his peers comfortable when he knows how hard I have worked to get to where I am. Why should I have to pretend to be stupid when all of them get to try to be smart? My understanding was that you gained knowledge through discourse. It’s completely unproductive to spend all of your time conversing with people that think exactly like you.

I’m disheartened. I am so tired of being told that I am not allowed to be smart. All I want to do is take my brain and my cute tight little ass to the middle of the woods and not speak to any humans again. I want to be left alone.

I finished my first semester today, by the way. Kind of an annoying ending. Get built up by faculty member that’s been crushing you all semester only to get torn down by the one person that is supposed to keep you safe. How the fuck does that work?

I guess that’s all for now. I have to get on a plane on Sunday but have no desire to do so anymore. I’ll keep you updated.

Miss ya so hard,

H