#he's NOT a himbo he's smart and WAY too self-aware

[axl-fox]

Next person I see calling Capsaicin a himbo is gonna catch these hands son.

[thirteenashmctrash]

okay so i have gained a new species of spore for my collective brainrot and i have found the perfect selling pitch to drag everyone i care about down with me. if you know the show this is hilarious. if you haven't watched it pay attention:

the show's called leverage. you know how there's those crime serials that aren't good at all but we've all watched a little too much of at least one of them even though they are blatant copaganda which is morally terrible? take your favorite one of those, but remover the copaganda. all the characters are criminals but their only victim is capitalism. every cop in the show is stupid at best and blatantly corrupt to a disgusting level most of the time. there is just as much genuine and intelligent social commentary as this premise demands.

i sense i already have you hooked. i can make this better. stick with me for a minute on this: the character dynamic is a muppet movie but also the Scooby gang

stick with me here!

You have Parker, who fit into the Scooby gang as Scooby and would be played by Gonzo. her crime thing is that she is a cat burglar and she is very good at it. her skill with it is borderline slapstick (hence Scooby) and she is very autistic coded and misunderstood (hence Gonzo)

You've got Eliot, who is the Shaggy and is played by Sam Eagle. He is the brute force of the team and he wants you to think he is all serious and grimdark. but he loves making the employees and victims of their capitalist targets aware of unions and he is a big himbo. i say he is shaggy because he plays Parker's straight man, he has the second most cartoonlike abilities, and he has a passion for cooking

Hardison is Velma as played by Kermit. he is a geeky hacker with a passion for orange soda and he is the heart of the team. he gets overlooked as leader even though he is the driving force of everything they do. like Velma. he also has that trademark Kermit brand of slapstick and deadpanned humor in balance.

Sophie is Daphne as played by miss piggy. she is basically the world's best grifter, she usually the front man interacting with the target the most. she has that crazy streak and the self defense capacity that miss piggy and Daphne (when she's done right) both have. she also has the confidence and style.

Nate is Fred and he is the human character. Fred has "let's split up gang" and Nate has "then we have to steal *fill in the blank with something comedically unfit to finish the sentence*" Fred and Nate are both flat characters with the main trait "i think I'm the leader but my smart friend does all the work" and the main interest of "trapping and screwing over capitalists" he mainly gets to call himself the leader because he's the idea guy and he has an apartment. his role in the muppet analogy is the peak of my pitch if you're still here. because while this is definitely not the Christmas Carol, Nate is the human character because he is Ebenezer Scrooge if instead of being a capitalist, Scrooge was an alcoholic and instead of character growth he was just steadily losing his mind. his moral compass and general intelligence are on a roulette wheel that is spun at random intervals lasting from seconds to the occasional few hours. also he and Sophie have divorced parents of grown children syndrome and the other three are said children. in vibes, of course, they aren't actually related.

if anyone stayed with me through all of that you should seriously watch it. even if i sound like i pulled this all out of my ass. it's so good.

it's an actively anticapitalist, copaganda free crime show where you get to see fun characters beat up every thing bad in society and fuck it all over. it balances fun comedy and wild characters with serious topics and moments in a way that is very natural and genuine. it also has one of my favorite autistic coded characters, a positive and healthy relationship that develops in a way that feels natural to the characters (as well as a rockier one if you're into drama) and it is in the midst of what looks to be an actually well handled revival series with the original cast. i haven't caught up yet but I'm so excited for it. the original had 5 seasons and the revival is waiting to be renewed for season 3.

please go watch leverage. it's so good and it deserves more fans. also i want more fic and that next season

[punkeropercyjackson]

It's a whole thing the Pjo fandom just,dosen't want to Percy to actually be neurodivergent representation.There's the obvious worst part they won't even let him be autistic despite objectively being the most autistic-coded character in the whole franchise but there's also just as glaringly they have never let him defy neurodivergent stereotypes

He's smarter than Annabeth by virtue of being more emotionally mature and making better plans way quicker and unlike her this was in no way an inherentence so he could qualify as a legit ex-child genius but he's constantly getting called stupid for not fitting society's idea of what intellengence is due to sucking at school as a result of his symptoms and he's said he hates it many many MANY times in his narration and only dosen't speak out against it as per irl trauma like his he's been forced into believing he deserves it and given strong ass Impostor Syndrome and the fandom falls for it hook line and sinker cause Annabeth forcing herself into the role of Percy's girlfriend without his consent and even a moment of verbal rejection to her FACE that she spit back at him('I am never going to make things easy for you' is a fucking awful thing to say to an autistic person and that's why you'll never convince me book!Annabeth is autistic like Leahbeth,being a nerdy jerk with ego problems is NOT more autistic than EVERYTHING Percy's got going on right down to his character concept)and proceeding to treat him the same as ever but with corny kissing and promises of a future nuclear family cisheterosexual marriage living in a place that directly goes against Percy's lifelong wish for ANNABETH'S is proof his self-hatred is accurate as if she knows or likes him as a person on any level and vice versa seeing how he talks about her and never returns her romantic effort

There's no 'smart himbos' or 'not dumb but a dumbass',if y'all are such Annabeth stans then expend your vocabulary so you can be even bigger nerds that don't have to be nice to make friends cause that's what privilege is for and you get to speak over 'slow' autistics thanks to that too irl.Percy's also meant to defy 'neurodivergent people are total losers','neurodivergent people think and act like little kids no matter how old they are' and 'neurodivergent people only act rebellious for attention and to look good' by being the coolest character and this was backed up in dialogues and actions by Percy himself without even trying almost ever,he's a Team Parent to younger minorities but especially Nico and Hazel as a way of breaking the cycle of abuse and out of a mix of found eldest sibling and pseudo-parental love for them and to heal his inner child and he's pessimistic and highkey mean and ruthless but is an anarchist with awareness to what corruption is and how to fight it and DOES it unlike Luke's pedo propagandist poser ass and 'rebel' is NOT Percy,Percy is a PUNK,i.e,a minority who was radicalized by their experiences growing up in a system that hates them for being one and takes direct action and does activism and always stays noncomforming instead of selling out

So y'all deny his off the charts swag like it's gonna effect you negatively to appreciate him for it,mock his special interests(blue,the sea and pg media)because they're not trains or neo-liberalism filled fantasy books or whatever the fuck and don't let him have the canon ones you'd obsses over in an allistic character(alt music and childcare)and straight up call him mentally a little kid as mockery with Annabeth as his mommy gf and Jason as whatever the male equivalent is i ain't googling that shit and you can just drop that r slur you're holding back because that would somehow be LESS ableist and you won't even let him hate authority figures despite your 'the only authority he respects is his mom XD' corn as if any of you actually care about Sally,you ship her with fucking POSEIDON over Paul,because yeah,Luke WAS authority as the Titans Army leader and The Gods are literally the highest authority you can get in general,not just within Pjo,Percy dosen't need to look for older men to 'satisfy him'(this is a CHILDREN'S BOOKS SERIES,go APOLOGIZE TO YOUR YOUNGER SIBLINGS)because he has 1.a backbone,2.rizz and 3.a life,the him being upset Nico for not being 'his type' and hassling him over it is literally sexual harrassment by an adult towards a minor and Hazel's more of a part of him AND her own character than any minor white character that TRANSCENDS THEIR SOURCE MATERIAL

Just say it:You want Percy to be a gag instead of rep and you're so set on it rather than having standards in mentally abled people you're ready to start harrassing other people on different ends of the spectrum for saying Percy is afrolatino-an ACTUAL afrolatino,not y'all's lightskin slightly big nose no lips with vague cultural roots you didn't research copout,or saying he's transfem-coded based off actual real life transfemininity,or even just that they hate Percabeth since book!Annabeth is a white pick me bully.'MY friends' insults and hitting eachother is our way of showing affection!!!Have you never had a friend before?!'I have a lot of years long friends and keep making more and one of them's now my trans girlfriend that's adhd and agrees Percabeth is super bad because Annabeth is too mean to Percy and that Percy's a tgirl and her and the rest of them shower me in praise and defend me when people treat me badly and the latter goes for my own little brother like i always did and still do him and i treat my friends the same way they do me and my girlfriend gets extra.Rip to your self-hating selfves but i'm different and so's Percy

[i-have-no-braincells]

okay miscellaneous unova elite four headcanons let’s go:

-grimsley is always bisexual to me. however i vibe with both him being cis and him being trans headcanons. either way he’s always gnc to me though.

-caitlin is trans (mtf) and uses she/they pronouns. she and shauntal are also both lesbians to me <3

-marshal is panromantic asexual and i really like the idea of him being trans (ftm).

-grimsley enjoys classic horror films from the 80s-90s. yk the really cheesy horror films where some of them could barely be considered horror. i also think he enjoys musicals, but specifically musicals like phantom of the opera, jekyll and hyde, little shop of horrors, sweeney todd, the beetlejuice musical. he enjoys some recent horror films as well, but he thoroughly enjoys the cheesy, old classics.

-shauntal, on the other hand, loves the fucked up horror movies. she appreciates well done gore. she likes the stuff that would make most people cringe or look away. she’s a little freak who finds that shit incredibly fascinating. plus, it’s wonderful inspiration for her books!!

-caitlin is not a big movie watcher. she will watch whatever anyone else wants to watch because they will be falling asleep during said movie.

-marshal loves his classic karate and martial arts films. he’s a big nerd for them and owns several posters of said movies. however, you could also catch him watching a stupid rom-com… just don’t tell anyone!!

-shauntal has dabbled in a wide variety of genres when it comes to her writing. she specializes mostly in horror, romance, or a mix of the two. but no matter what genre she’s writing for, there’s always certain aspects and nuance to it that defies the stereotypes of the genre at hand. she also is a common author to see featured in the LGBT section!!

-grimsley collects playing cards. it’s not a very special or unique headcanon, but he has a wide variety of playing cards all from different places or themed around things he enjoys.

-caitlin has narcolepsy. i think this is a fairly common hc as well. since she’s often falling asleep and experiencing dreams, her dreams are prophetic more often than not. their psychic specialty is prophecy and interpreting prophetic dreams, however i believe she has the ability to do basically any psychic power one could think of. i like to think she’s a very powerful psychic.

-marshal and grimsley have a very unique rivalry to me. they’re best friends for sure, and honestly marshal is not as competitive as grimsley is. but those two fuel each other’s competitiveness to all hell. they have a running tally on how many times each other have won during sparring matches. they would also die for each other.

-speaking of which, marshal is very much the braincell of the elite four. i do think he’s a bit of a himbo, but he is actually the most responsible of the four and has the best coping mechanisms and self control (as a martial artist should have). he loves helping his friends and finds enjoyment in such.

-grimsley is likely the least responsible. he is by no means a bad friend, and he’s obviously very clever and smart. but he has a knack for disappearing without saying anything only to show up hours later. of course no one trusts him with financial advice. and he absolutely loves messing with and playing pranks on the others.

-shauntal is very caring and a bit of an older sister figure to marshal and grim. she’s also the oldest of the group. this doesn’t mean she doesn’t also like getting into mischief with grimsley, the two are partners in crime for sure. shauntal also has a bad habit of getting too focused on her writing and becoming a temporary shut-in.

-caitlin is reliable and trustworthy when she can be. the others are very aware of her narcolepsy and obviously don’t treat her like they’re helpless, but they do understand she won’t always be present. and they’re okay with that. they’ve known caitlin for ages now and so they know how to help, assist, and work with caitlin’s diagnosis.

-speaking of caitlin, she has autism. i see a lot of people depict her as very bubbly, but i see her as more blunt and monotone. along with her constant tiredness, she doesn’t have the energy to keep up verbal appearances, and so sometimes she comes off as rude or apathetic. she also has a very sarcastic sense of humor, which grimsley finds extremely hilarious. she makes him laugh all the time.

-caitlin’s style is very pink and bubbly and has the black cat personality, while shauntal has the black cat style and the bubbly personality. they are gay <3

UH I SHOULD PROBABLY STOP THERE BUT YEAH-

[needsmorewlw]

im high-key invested in the zombie fic. How do you think every character would change? Like who hardens and who stays the same, gets more skilled etc

Love that for me

First of all @alexisnotabrocoli made this art of Abi welding a shovel and kicking ass and and that's for sure her weapon of choice. She has tactical shovel like Markiplier and she is so good at killing zombies. She doesn't start off that way but she grows into it. She for sure hardens but not morally. She's still a sweetie at heart.

Dylan LOOKS scary but isn't. He's tall and has the knife/hook hand so that's an intimidating figure but I can't see him changing. He holds onto his morals and his sentimentality and is that character that people look to incase they have a tough decision to make/fear they need a softer touch than the automatic violence everyone gets used to.

Kaitlyn gets pretty good at seperating her heart from her brain. She knows what needs to be done to keep herself/ the people she loves safe, so she'll do it. But she's self aware that she falls too hard into a machine-like persona where she just felt nothing when she killed people and steps back and tries to regain her humanity

Meanwhile Laura just goes full murderer hair like canon 💅 She will kill anyone and not feel bad about it. She definitely struggles with it a bit once she and Max reunite because he's like "holy shit you've changed a lot" and maybe is a little scared of her 👀 Deep down she's still the girl who was looking for her boyfriend but she was willing to do anything to get to that goal and once she got there the damage had been done y'know?

Max was absolutely idealising his reunion with Laura. He thought they'd find each other and everything would go back to normal but Laura's this super competent, strategic zombie killer/war leader and Max didn't change at all. He's still the same boy who was looking for his girlfriend. He's never killed a person but I think the first time he does it's to help Laura 😌🤌

Ryan leans into his distrusting nature a bit hard but for good reason. People suck and they had dealt with plenty. He's in this hunter/survival mindset for months and months and the moment he sees Dylan again it melts away and he's regular Ryan again. Regular Ryan who's very good at guns and weapons but regular sweet Ryan. He is fiercely protective and a lil impulsive but I think he grows into a solid leader eventually, with alot of pep talks from Dylan.

Emma gets sweeter I think 😌 she realises that you need to wear your heart on your sleeve sometimes and that's a good thing. Make your intentions known. But she's also very good at hiding it and pretending to be intimidating if she needs to. She gets rly good at being a sniper because I'm obsessed with the cool melee character X sniper character with her and Abi

Jacob's the type of himbo where if he ended up with a group of absolute scumbags, over years in the apocalypse he might turn into a shithead, but since he's with his friends, he stays the same. I think he's definitely one of those characters who is so sure everything will be ok again one day and has the shattering realisation that probably it won't. He goes from being really optimistic to very sad but then back to optimistic but with a different view point where as long as he can keep his fam safe, it's not so bad.

Nick I feel is another character who realises how very useful he is in this world and he likes having a purpose. When everything went to shit he didn't know what he wanted to do with his life and had no goals but now he has one and in a fucked up way he feels more at peace. He's fast, strong, smart and good with weapons. He's willing to do just about anything as long as he's being helpful because he has people pleaser syndrome. Thankfully no one around him would ask him to do anything super shitty, just a lot of dangerous, long scouting missions

Meanwhile I feel like the Hacketts just go full on redneck family. Chris is the one who convinces them to be a little social, especially with letting Ryan and Laura into the fold and helping them find their boys. I think Caleb and Kaylee are a rad little duo. One of them has a bat and the other has a pickaxe and they wreck shop together. Travis is just there to keep his fam alive and doesn't care about much else. Bobby is Bobby. Big tiddy vibes only

[kaijuposting]

Why Raleigh Becket isn't a himbo.

So I keep seeing people calling Raleigh Becket a "himbo" with a "golden retriever personality" and y'know what... I gotta say... mmm no, no he really isn't. And I'm gonna go over some (but definitely not all) reasons why. Now before I begin, I want to make it very clear that I'm saying you have to hate the ground Raleigh Becket walks on, or that he's some kind of irredeemable monster. I'm just going to go over why he just... isn't a himbo. Like, not even remotely. Raleigh Becket is pretty self-absorbed. Raleigh Becket: I was 15 when the first Kaiju made land in San Francisco. By the time tanks, jets and missiles took it down six days and 35 miles later three cities were destroyed. Tens of thousands of lives were lost. We mourned our dead, memorialized the attack, and moved on. And then only six months later the second attack hit Manila. The movie opens with a narration from Raleigh Becket that really only makes sense if you assume he's projecting his own experience onto the rest of the world. Maybe Raleigh moved on in less than six months, but for millions of people who had everything they knew about the world violently overturned, they'd still be in shock and have tons of unanswered questions.

Himbos don't always understand what's going on with people, but it's not for lack of effort. A real himbo would have been trying to comfort the people around them, and would be well aware that many of them are still confused and hurting. A real himbo might have said something like, "A lot of people died and we all tried to move on, but it was only six months before another monster attacked Manila." Or maybe "We were told to move on, but in only six months it happened again." Raleigh Becket is way too eager to prescribe violence for interpersonal problems. Hercules Hansen: You can blame me for that one. I've raised him on my own. He's a smart kid, but I never knew whether to give him a hug or a kick in the ass. Raleigh Becket: With respect sir, I'm pretty sure which one he needs.

So, Hercules Hansen raised Chuck as a single father while serving in a war. It shouldn't be hard to figure out that Chuck might have some attachment issues and general trauma from growing up in a world where giant city-destroying monsters were an omnipresent fact of life. Nonetheless, Raleigh clearly doesn't think Chuck needs a hug - the look on his face as he says this line is one of pure contempt. Later on, he actually does kick Chuck's ass. This isn't himbo behavior. A himbo would have looked at Herc and said, "I wish my dad had hugged me more" or "things were always better after me and my dad hugged it out." A himbo might have even taken Chuck aside and said, "hey dude, I hear you're having a hard time with your dad, wanna get some burgers?"

Raleigh Becket is awfully condescending toward Mako Mori. Mako Mori: I think you're unpredictable. You have a habit of deviating from standard combat techniques. You take risks that endanger yourself and your crew. I don't think you're the right man for this mission. Raleigh Becket: Wow. Thank you for your honesty. You might be right. But one day, when you're a pilot, you're gonna see that in combat, you make decisions. And you have to live with the consequences. That's what I'm trying to do. Raleigh Becket: Okay. We're not in the simulator now, Mako. Remember, don't chase the rabbit. Random Access Brain Impulse Triggers. Memories. Just let them flow, don't latch on. Tune them out. Stay in the Drift. The Drift is silence. Raleigh Becket: All right, Mako. Get ready, this is for real!

Mako Mori is a jaeger technician (she worked on repairing Lady Danger) and engineer (she designed Lady Danger's sword), and she wants to be a pilot more than anything. Raleigh talks to her as if she's never heard of drifting before, and like she isn't already aware that fighting kaiju is hellishly risky. Also, his facial expression when talking to her is very frequently that of someone talking to a young child. This isn't himbo behavior; this is "Prince Charming when he's the villain" behavior. Real himbos are respectful, and respectful behavior includes assuming basic competence and treating adults like adults. If Raleigh had been a himbo, he would have trusted Mako to know what she was doing already. In the conn-pod he might said something more like, "Okay, gotta stay in the moment, let the memories flow by, don't chase the rabbit, don't get caught in the Random Access Brain Impulse Triggers..." while talking more to himself than Mako. Also, if Raleigh was actually a himbo, he might have responded to Mako's earlier statement about him being "unpredictable" with something like, "I know I've done things that can't be fixed, but I'm hoping I can do better this time." So yeah. Basically, Raleigh Becket isn't a himbo, and he doesn't have a "golden retriever personality." He's just blond and conventionally attractive. Ya know, kind of like this guy is:

Again, not saying that you have to look at Raleigh like he's some kind of irredeemable villain or anything, but like, stop conflating "blond and conventionally attractive" with "himbo" or "golden retriever personality."

[wuekka]

@neiti-kassiopeia tagged me for rambling about 10 characters from 10 fandoms, thank you and okay, lets do this...These are not in favourite order, I don't want to make a puzzle for myself. :'D

Majima from Yakuza/Like a dragon. One of the biggest twists for me getting into the series was that Majima wasn't Joker-type insane recurring villain! He's actually smart who fakes being dumber/crazier than he is (character type I love when it's done right) and actually cares about people, another surprise was that he was in the same family as Kiryu, that he's his aniki. I just love you can see his fooling that he doesn't care/understand, then turns back being like "shit.". He's the smartest playable character Yakuza has, others are himbos.

Vincent from Final Fantasy VII. I love his tragic backstory with his lover Lucrecia and tying to Sephiroth's backstory 👌.+Vampire aesthetic and turning into a monster he can't control is just more tragedy on top of that.

Gale from Baldurs gate 3. I'm sorry Astarion, who is little too self-contradictory at times (You don't like saving other slaves Astarion?!) but Gale's just so adorably nice with really funny lines.

Percy from Critical role/Legend of vox machina. There's a reason I have a tag of "badass percy lines", he's so awesome with those. Tortured man with a secret demon he isn't aware of with vampire arc-nemesis, just beautiful. Taliesin plays him so well, he fits into the worlds talking style perfectly. Even his "life needs things to live." I feel is made fun of a little too much, like it's basically "you need stuff in able to keep going."

Jianzhu from Rise of Kyoshi. Reason why rise of kyoshi is the best avatar novel. He gets good motivation, pov chapters and is shown very well to be not fully manically evil.

Enji Endeavour from my hero academia. I'm not in this fandom anymore at all, except for the ship of endhawks. Turning Enji's character from cartoon evil jerk villain to a regretting, flawed man who tries to become better and focusing on it was the best writing decision Hori made. Sadly Hori stopped and decided Bakugo is ultra gary stu more important than main character. -_-

Ashe from Final Fantasy XII. Real main character of the story, awesome literal queen with revenge plot. Only minus is her hot pink way-mini skirt.

Nanami from Jujutsu kaisen. Again, fandom I dropped but this man was such a brainrot for a good while, he and Gojo got me trying to write again.

Amaterasu from Okami. Snarky by body language, a wolf who doesn't say a word, but she's badass and adorable. What other game lets you play with a character that paints with their tail creating a better world and poops exploding stuff at their enemies.

Terra from Kingdom hearts. ...I don't like the joke of calling him stupid or himbo, because he's not. He goes along with some villains, not because he's trusting them but because he has no other choice or wants to see how things play out without intervening ("no meddling! -Donald) Terra's also the strongest character, "man too angry to die." The angst of being Xehanort/Xemnas and getting moments of losing identity is just angst factory gold.

Tagging @homo666 @vampiricfruitcake but no pressure doing this. :D

[jollyreginaldrancher]

Yellowjackets S1 e9

The bodies are just piling up now

Why would he not just google her though? Why would he go out of his way to buy a book about it all? His excuses are pretty flimsy.

For a second I thought they were gonna bury Laura and i was wondering if there even was enough of her to bury and if they bothered to swim all that way to look for parts.

Turns out they were just resorting to eating bugs.

Poor Van

Jeff was definitely sparkledong! I knew it!

At first I thought "what could the possibly decorate with?" Then i saw all the bits and bobs from their hunts and yeah. I guess that's setting up whatever was going on in the first episode with the weird outfits and the cultish vibes.

Shauna definitely wants Jackie and vice versa. There is no other explanation. Okay there are other explanations but this is the narrative I'm going with. If they won't show us the lesbians I'll make my own lesbians, damn it!

My guy, you met another woman at a hotel and expect us to believe it wasn't an affair? Is he that naive?

Jackie is being nice to Misty with no conditions and calling her beautiful and I think I'm gonna cry 🥹

Jeff tried to take the fall for the murder. Bless him, he really is a himbo 🥹 everyone is showing their best side today.

That montage was so great. We have Misty out there doing the work. Lottie missing Laura Lee and hugging her shirt 🥹. Shauna's growing baby bump 😮. Jackie curling her hair with ribbons -their haircare being something I wondered about but these girls found a way- and Van and Taissa 🥹🥹🥹 addressing Van's self-consciousness with a sweet gesture of solidarity and these girls are working their way into my heart 😭 I just know shit is too good to last.

Those mushrooms are gonna be a lot of trouble aren't they?

Why is Jackie not eating? She's giving suicidal vibes, is she going to kill herself?

The dance is adorable

Nat had alcohol and held out while Van was getting her face stitched up? Like she didn't even share a swig with her or nothing? I shouldn't hold this against her but I do.

Jackie's behaviour is a very unsettling cry for help.

It's funny how aware everyone suddenly got when they were high.

Oh this isn't a funny/haha high, this is an *eat somebody's face off* kind of high.

Yeah, Javi, RUN!

But we know Tyler survives though cause he dies in the future. I just wish the scene followed Van and Taissa more instead 🤣 we had to sit through so many straight sex scenes, why can't they give us ONE gay one? 😭

I spoke too soon. That was beautiful. Really freaking short but beautiful. 🥹

Poor Misty 😅 maybe next time you'll crush on a straight guy

Dang, Nat stopped Trevor becoming a Mcthottie meal.

I will say I didn't expect Lottie to become the ringleader. Then again they were super fucked up.

I feel so bad for Van though. She deserves all the head she can get 😭

A bunch of (presumably) cannibals are in a room with a dead body and they can't think of a single way to get rid of it?

Misty is gonna kill the reporter, huh? There's no way she would be spilling that much if she wasn't. Or is she really that naive? She's been easily led before, that's why I wonder.

I gotta say, it's smart they hired Juliette Lewis as the one with substance abuse issues cause she visibly looks older but she's also very energetic so it feels believable that she would be their age while looking a bit older, but still being as vibrant as the rest of them.

Look what the cat dragged in. Part of me wishes for Misty to disentangle from this mess and not give in to the shitty friends who only call when they need her but another part is shipping her with Nat.

It's been a forgone conclusion that there was cannibalism and Misty more or less admitted to it this episode. I wonder if it's going to happen in the next episode or if they're saving it for later. It would make sense for one of them to die; it is after all a season finale. And not doing it feels anticlimactic. But this show has pleasantly surprised me before. Waiting 9 episodes to finally get a lesbian sex scene wasn't a pleasant surprise though, it was agony.

My guesses for the unhappy meal are:

Jackie

Javi

Shauna's baby

The coach?

Or one of those girls that barely gets a line like Mari.

It could be one, it could be all. Hell, it could be Natalie and she could be a ghost. I doubt it though. I wonder if they'll ever show why they're all being such assholes to Misty though. Cause they don't know about the black box so far, and even if they did it's not like they could figure out she broke it. So we'll have to see if that's addressed next episode or further down the line.

That said it's not a given they don't eat Vanessa but I don't think they would do all this work to set her and Taissa as the main romantic couple in this show if they were going to kill one of them off so soon. I still have hope. We might not have seen her in the present yet but that doesn't mean that she's not there though.

I think it's gonna be Jackie though. It feels like they're setting her up as a horror movie victim. I don't know, that's just the vibe in getting. Like they're trying too hard to make her likeable now that it's near the end so we feel bad when she dies.

Also on rewatch, it's interesting that we've seen two necklaces, one of gold and one of bone, and they each seem to be for protection and keep making the rounds between girlfriends. I noticed the bone one around Taissas's throat during the wolf attack for example. I feel like it definitely worked there. I wonder if that's gonna be a thing later on.

[evilscuderia]

personally i think people are getting a bit too comfortable with calling charles a stupid himbo online or whatever. just because he has a self-deprecating sense of humor, doesn't take himself seriously and is easy going in a "blurt anything out and then laugh about it" kind of way, doesn't mean he doesn't have a functioning brain. and it also doesn't make it okay for random people to joke about his intelligence so persistently. to anyone who's cared enough to look closely, it is quite obvious charles is a very smart, analytical driver. i'm not saying he's never made mistakes or said his fair share of stupid things, but i do think the way people have been targeting him with the "no thoughts head empty" type of jokes is disproportional. i am aware it is harmless fun for the most part, but i am growing progressively more and more weary of it, mostly because i can see it has started to affect the way people actually perceive him. people immediately believed he had no idea what was happening in ukraine because of a misquote. people genuinely believe, to this day, that he would do stuff like drive into max on purpose. people (usually monolinguals which is ironic) love to make fun of him for the tiny mistakes he makes in english when the man is out there juggling three languages every day. so i guess what i'm saying is... there is a fine line between laughing with someone and laughing at someone and i feel like the way people talk about charles online is quickly turning into the latter.

[bukojuiice]

the way of the househusband — levi ackerman

ೃ pairing: (husband! levi ackerman x  ceo wifey! reader)

ೃ  There is the “ideal” nuclear family. The one composed of a working husband with a well-paying 9 to 5 job, loving housewife who cooks and cleans, and adoring children who do well in school. However, that idealization is looong gone. What about you and your family? You are the CEO of a Tech Start-up Company who ain’t no trophy wife, Your husband hails from the last line of Ackermans and who temporarily resigns from being a vice executive of your company (just because he doesn’t want to work with young, feeling philanthropist, and genius GenZers) to become a hands-on househusband, and then there’s your little daughter who has the most inquisitive mind and adventurous heart who idolizes her doting father in every shape, way, and form. A month’s absence in your home (due to a business trip) could lead to many many things. But, your husband randomly publishing a self-help book on parenting and being a househusband is not one of those things. 

ೃ genre and warnings: modern au, domestic fluff, baby au, husband au, 

ೃ  my nav  →  my aot masterlist

ೃ 4k words

ೃ Will be referring to hanji as “aunkling” (a cute nickname that some kiddos use to refer to their non-binary relatives <3) because there are no official non-binary terms for aunt and uncle! + your daughter with levi is named amelia and she is just the most precious cinnamon roll

It’s done. 

The Business Trip is finally over.

A long and painful month of no hugs and playdates with your little princess, Amelia and no time to be pampered with love and affection from your husband, Levi was finally over!

Sometimes, you wonder how you were even able to survive these long-ass trips and conferences. Sure, these month-long trips only happened once a year, but the thought of Amelia getting older and having to miss a day of seeing her grow up and discover the world, really hurt you as all mothers would. Video Calls were enough to satisfy you and give you happy hormones even for just a short while, but still- the longer you’re not with them, the more the yearning lengthens until you’re just riddled with endless thoughts of wanting to get home as soon as possible.

First, let’s set things straight: You are the CEO of a Tech Start-up company who was born into a middle-class family and rose her way up to success. It’s as cliche as it gets but hey! Living a life as if you were in a romantic comedy was the best compliment you’ve ever gotten. 

Along with that, as far as rich families in rom-coms and coming of age movies go, are they all dysfunctional in reality? Not really. Or at least you and Levi promised each other not to end up like that. The Rich Girl meets Poor Boy (with a tragic backstory) cliche however? Yea, that’s a pretty accurate way to describe your love story. Meeting the love of your life in a Coffee Shop is actually pretty common and happens to a lot of people apparently. When Erwin Smith, Levi’s best friend (who is too smart and self-aware to fit the role of a rom-com sidekick by the way) approaches your table to ask if he and Levi could sit with you. (Because of all the days the cafe would be packed, it would be that day.) You said yes of course, and Erwin began oversharing details about the raven-haired man and you were all too invested in learning more about him anyway. Levi grew up in the orphanage after his mother had died and his father was the biggest asshole on the planet for never showing his face, he had to fend for himself after he outgrew the foster system. Starting out as an espionage in an illegal underground gambling empire to a bookkeeper at the Smiths’ bookshop. (Although this is a story for another day)  

Internally swooning over his pretty eyes and resting bitch face...it didn’t take long until the two of you fell in love and... the rest was history!

You come home to your lavish yet homey apartment in 21 West End Avenue Manhattan to be surprised by your father-daughter duo absolutely knocked out on the couch. Amelia was snuggled up to her father, her feet on his lap and a sleeping position you could not possibly comprehend, a Disney movie playing in the background, and both of them were wearing matching Minion onesies whilst yours was folded neatly on the coffee table just waiting to be worn by you when you got home. 

It was a rare sight to see and you can’t help but just stare lovingly at the wonderful scene before you. Not only was it rare to see Amelia asleep before seeing you (or in the case of your business trips, during your daily video calls with them) but it was also rare to see your husband sleeping so soundly and his insomnia not kicking in. 

Amelia hears your footsteps, her eyes are still shut as she tries to predict what you will do next. She finally assesses when she will make her move and surprise you when you place another fleece blanket on top of them and plant a kiss on both of their temples. your daughter’s eyes suddenly flutter open. Her eyes beaming and glowing off the same light that twinkled in her father’s as she jumps off the couch, making sure not to wake up Levi.

“MOMMY!” She screams in the most quiet volume her cute voice could muster. She runs up to you and envelops you in a tight hug, jumping up and down as she does so. “I missed you Mommy! I missed you soooo much! How was sandbox in K-korea!? Was there a lot of sand!? Did you have a lot of pwaymates there!?”

You giggle at your daughter’s enthusiasm, combing your fingers through her hair. “Lili, Sandbox is like the Silicon Valley of Korea. It isn’t necessarily a sandbox like in a playground, baby.”

“OOOH! JUST LIKE SIWICON VAWWEY!” She chirps, tightening her hug and reaching for your hand and squeezing it. “AH WAIT!” She gently pushes you away and makes a beeline to her room. “ME AND DADDY HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU! BUT CLOSE YOUR EYES FIRST OWKAAY?!” She calls out from her room and you shout back a “yes!” to her in between your giggles, unable to contain the sudden rush of serotonin your daughter had given you from her simple yet adorable antics.

Another trope that you can debunk is that rich moms can be a hands-on parent too! After your maternity leave ended and when Amelia had finally reached her toddler years, you absolutely made sure that you were going to take care of her every second, minute, hour and day of your life. As soon as she turned two, she became the inquisitive, smart and ever so curious little girl you and Levi had always hoped for. She had your (h/c) hair and Levi’s icy yet warm and loving milky grey eyes. If the color of Levi’s reminded you of dark and stormy clouds, Amelia’s was gleaming. Like that of the clouds after a terrible storm. She was an absolute blessing and although you weren’t a perfect mother, (spoiling her more than you should) Levi was an amazing father. Growing up without parents was tough for him and he was going to make sure that Amelia is going to have an amazing childhood and be surrounded by the love of two parents that he never had and never got to experience. 

You always and will forever have trust in Levi. There has never been a day where you doubted him. Despite the impressions and assumptions that people have of him. How he was cold, scary, and even calculating. But, you are always quick to shut down those rumors. They don’t know the Levi Ackerman behind the cold and mighty front he shows. He is a man who has gone through so much and yet has so much love and care to give. How he notices and remembers the littlest details, how he never takes anything for granted and how he loves and cherishes everything so wholeheartedly.

When Amelia turned six, you sadly had to go back to work formally. Right timing too because your genius (with very himbo tendencies) younger cousin, Eren, was about to be part of your start-up company and he had a lot of amazing plans that had to come into fruition. Even bringing in a group of his own friends (who all graduated in MIT by the way!) who are willing to contribute so many amazing ideas and hackathons that were just waiting to happen.

The entrance of these youthful and hopeful genius entrepreneurs also brought about the temporary exit of your very own husband from your very own company. Apparently, working with newly graduated Gen Zers (as a millennial) was too much for him. They were nice and they were going to be a very integral part of the company. But, the boomer inside Levi can’t just can’t keep up with this sudden surge of energy and youthfulness within the higher-ups. It was also a great opportunity for him to take care of Amelia even more. So, you didn’t stop him from doing so! 

It’s been a year since he temporarily resigned and became an official-unofficial househusband. Or as your best friend Hanji likes to put it, You are the Girl Boss and he is the Male Wife. Amelia is now 7 years old and she’s currently taking Ballet classes (Levi picks her up during the weekdays, and the both of you pick her up on the weekends) and has developed a hyperfixation over Sanrio Characters and the Disney movie, Frozen. She was growing up to be a wonderful girl and you just can’t wait to hear what she and Levi had done during your absence.

She skips her way back to you, a book tightly clutched in her hands. “SURPRISE!” Amelia gingerly places a book on your hand. You open your eyes and tilt your head in question at the piece of literature she had just given you as you read the title aloud.  “The Way of the House Husband… written by Levi Ackerman.” Your eyes shift to a little circle on the lower side of the cover,  “The husband of (Y/N) Ackerman, the CEO of Survey Corp Tech…!?” 

“Daddy and I made a book while you were away!” She claps her hands together and grabs the book back from you, turning it to the first page. “See there’s even a dedication! To (Y/N) and Amelia! The two brightest stars in my galaxy!”

“Oh that’s too cheesy. No way would your dad write something like this out of the blue, Lili.” You scoff, shaking your head in disbelief. Your daughter looks at you with downcast eyes while you were still trying to process that your husband literally just wrote a whole-ass book while you were away. “Who helped publish this so quickly, Amelia?”

“Uncle Erwin of course!” She’s frowning for one second and now she’s beaming at you again. “Please please read it mommy! Me and daddy worked really really hard on it!” She taps the hardbound cover of the book in rhythms. “This is the Amelia Edition! Daddy said he cut out some stuff so that it would be okay for me to read and for me to give to you once you get home! It’s my come back home gift for you mommy!” She moves the book to your lap and hops up next to you on the loveseat that you were sitting on. Before you know it, Amelia is resting her head on your shoulder and coaxing you to start reading to her like it was a bedtime story. 

You clear your throat and hold her by the waist so that she can feel more secure in her seat. “Okay… okay… let’s begin shall we? In a kingdom far far away…”

“That’s not how the book is like mommy! Read it properly like the way daddy did!”

“I was just joking, honey. Let’s get started. Rule #1 of the House Husband is…”

Rule #1: Fathers, be good to your children. You are the weight of their world.

“One thing I learned as soon as I was at home practically 24/7 is that your child will be more cautious and weary of you. They will observe you because they look up to you. They will watch your every move, follow you around, and will imitate whatever you say and whatever they hear from you. Talk to them, teach them things they need to know, support them in their hobbies, interests, and even if you have to be the extra princess in her tea party, do it.  The thing is, you will leave an eternal mark on the hearts of your children.”

Amelia got even more closer to Levi when he was finally stationed at home. Always grinning from ear to ear and boasting to her classmates how cool her dad was whenever he would pick her up from school. She was proud to tell them Levi’s heritage even if Amelia never got to meet her Grandma Ackerman and Grandpa Ackerman. When Levi would take her out for errands, may they be groceries, cleaning the house, baking, cooking, laundry, or just going on his morning jog, Amelia would be there to accompany him. In fact, she’s gone shopping with Levi so many times that she has memorized the brand names of cleaning detergent and bleach before she could even memorize the multiplication table.

 She’s even caught up with her father’s cynical sense of humor. And because of that, Levi had to tone down on his sardonic jokes around the little girl. Levi wasn’t necessarily physically affectionate but he does soften around Amelia as the little girl never fails to supply him with endless hugs and kisses on the cheek. She may be both a Mommy’s and Daddy’s girl, but the way she looks up to Levi is the kind of father-daughter bond that you hardly see in real life. She aspires to be like him. Even if there were times where she would be scolded by you both, (most especially Levi) she never took that against you.  She sees all the good and positive sides of your husband that others outside of your circle fail to see.

Rule #2: Let your children know that they have other “guardian angels” who they can rely on aside from their parents.

“My daughter has both my wife and I’s best friends to learn from or to look up to. Her kooky aunkling and her blunt uncle have become one of the most precious people in her life. Even the young ins working at Survey Corp Tech have become older siblings to her and get along with her so well. Remember that there will always be close relatives or friends who can and will help them when they lose their way. Let them spread sunshine and love to others.”

Whether it’s a regular trip to Coney Island or your monthly trips to Disneyland, Hanji or Erwin would totally tag along. Amelia absolutely loves and vibes with Hanji’s quirkiness so well. They would wear matching Mickey Mouse ears, ride the kiddie roller coaster that Amelia wanted to ride on a million times per visit, buy her all the ice cream and treats she wants (despite Levi’s warnings and the reprimanding that Hanji has to suffer from the both of you right after.) They just want Amelia to experience all the fun, the joy, and innocence of living in the moment. As a kid, it’s better if she sees how precious life is, how she should cherish it and that she doesn’t have to grow up so fast just yet. 

Erwin on the other hand, brought out Amelia’s intellectual side more. As soon as a new and critically acclaimed children’s book hit the shelves, you bet Amelia has a copy right away. Whenever Levi would take her to Erwin’s bookstore, she wanders around like it’s this huge mysterious archive that can only be accessed by her. The Adults section is forbidden, so were the cheap romance novels in the back, and the books written by youtubers. God forbid she read those. When her Uncle Erwin got her into reading Roald Dahl’s children’s books, you had to watch Amelia run around the penthouse with a little red ribbon tied on top of her hair, wanting to be referred to as Matilda, along with you and Levi having to pretend that she had telekinetic powers for 6 months straight. It was her cutest phase yet and you just know there were many more to come. 

There were also Eren and his friends who loved Amelia dearly whenever she came over to visit. Your little cousin refused to be called Uncle Eren and instead wanted to be called big bro, and in which Amelia happily complied. Whenever it was Amelia’s weekly “Visit Mommy at Work” day, she had her own room in your office where Eren and your other young associates would babysit her. In fact, they would actually take turns in babysitting at your condo whenever you and Levi went out for date night. Amelia was introduced to playing video games like Animal Crossing and Pokemon solely because of them (more specifically because of big bro Jean, big sis Sasha, and big bro connie.) They even ended up influencing her to watch anime when her big brother “Minmin” and big sis “Mimi” accidentally left the TV on and Amelia literally binge-watched half of the existing Studio Ghibli movies to this date. 

Rule #3: Your children will think that you are Superman or Iron Man. Make sure to act like them and never let them down by ruining their innocence and imagination.”

(A little note was attached to this page: Please don’t let Amelia read this. Read her a fairy tale instead while skimming through this.)

“It all started when my daughter found an entire encyclopedia on ancient and legendary family clans around the world. The Ackerman clan was on the very first page after the intro and she read through all 50 pages of it. The look of awe on her face when she read that her dad’s ancestors exhibit physical abilities much higher than the average human. In a 7 year old’s mind and vocabulary, that automatically translates to a superhero akin to that of Superman. 

Ever since then, My daughter has forced me to become more creative with doing very mundane tasks and chores. I pretend to have superpowers. Such as teleporting around the house whilst cleaning. I tell her to close her eyes or else my teleportation powers won’t work. Then when I cook in the kitchen and she watches me intently, I tell her that the salt and pepper have magical properties that only I can touch and hold because to her, at that moment, I was “Doctor Stwange.”

and one time, when I picked her up from school, she was babbling on about how she told her friends and playmates that she had two superhero parents she was very proud of. Then one of the other kids asked if I was a strong soldier who killed huge humanoid monsters using sharp blades. To which I replied that could have possibly happened in a different universe. Her hearty laughs and giggles whenever she sees me using my superpowers makes me anxious over the fact I have to tell her someday that my powers never existed.”

Whilst you were on your monthly trip, you and Levi would have private video calls whenever Amelia was finally put to bed. There, he told you about what happened in Amelia’s ballet classes that week and how the single mothers were more persistent than usual.

They could clearly see that Levi was not interested but apparently the fact that your husband waving his ring finger every single time someone approached him wasn’t obvious enough, apparently the fact that he was married made the risk even more worth it to these prying moms who had nothing better to do. It wasn’t until Amelia had enough and respectfully called them out by saying that his dad was married and he was never going to be interested in Karens (a slang word that she learned from Eren and friends) Since then, the invasion of parent to parent boundaries had finally stopped. Levi was very relieved and at ease whilst telling you the story yet you were laughing your heart out at the ingenious remarks of your very own daughter on top of the irresistible charm and looks of your own husband that made single mothers be damned. 

Rule #4: The most important rule of all: Love your spouse as you want your children to be loved in the future.

“Since my wife is on a business trip right now as I type this and she may or may not know that I had written this book for her to read when she comes home, my daughter came up to me a few days ago and told me how she missed her mom so much. The video calls we had every night were not enough to satisfy her for the remaining days her mother would be gone. She then proceeds to tell me that she loves the way I love (Y/N). My daughter loved how patient I was and how I supported her through every endeavor that her mother had ever thought up with that brilliant mind of hers. She mentioned how I was there for her through every success and failure, through hardships, difficulties and misunderstandings. My daughter was happy because I stuck with her mother through everything. All the pain, suffering, conflicts that we both experienced individually and as husband and wife. Little ears and little eyes are watching and observing the actions and sweet gestures of their parents. Make sure to remember that.”

“What is gravy (grief) if not love persevewing?” (persevering) My daughter had even recounted a quote from the Disney Marvel show, WandaVision just to prove a point to me. That was when I realized something and decided to list down a few things: 

1. The best lovers are the best of friends.

Levi’s relationship with you was rocky at first simply because the two of you didn’t have a lot in common. Your personalities clashed and the two of you could barely make things work in the beginning. He was always well-dressed, on time, and was very prim and proper. However, Levi was cold, strict, and unapproachable. You on the other-hand were quite the opposite. You used to arrive late, didn’t care too much about your style as long as you wore the appropriate outfit, but you were carefree, laidback and friendly. Having to set aside your differences was a process that required sacrifice, time, and effort. It took long and a lot of petty arguments before the two of you fully understood each other, accepted each other's faults and quirks, and became even closer. Both as friends and lovers. You and Levi treat each other not as just the “person I love and I’m married to for the rest of my life”, but also as a best friend for life. Soulmates

2. Their dreams are just as important as yours.

Levi’s dream was to open up a tea shop and start a family with you. That was all he ever wanted. The blissful simplicity of his in comparison to your techy and out of this world ambitions, goes to show how much they weigh as aspirations and wants in life. You have to value your significant other’s dreams and ambitions just as much as you highly value yours. No matter how hard or how simple they are, the both of you can achieve it with the help of each other. The only thing left in your agenda was to open up his long-awaited Tea Shop. You were about to surprise him with the plans of opening one up on the day of his birthday, and you just can’t wait for that day to finally come.

3. You have to let them be free.

Levi absolutely knew what he was getting into when he met you. It was love at first sight when he met you, He drunkenly admitted that one time when he’s had too much champagne on your friday date night. He knew that you were an adventurer. A wandering soul who had a goal and a purpose set in stone. He always knew you were going to reach greater heights and he knew that you would never leave him behind and would always have him go on a ride. He’s always known about your capabilities and your potential and he didn’t want you to stray away from that. And, if the time were to come that you had to leave him behind to soar greater heights, he’d understand that. He’d always let you be free and make sure you don’t fly too close to the sun. That was just how selfless Levi is. The thing is, he knows you would do the same for him. It was a perfect balance. 

4. It is an honor to love and to be loved by them.

To be wrapped in the arms of someone who feels like home or has become the definition of home, To be stargazing with on a chilly summer night in where you talk about your future and your plans, To be sharing a cup of coffee or tea with in the morning and begrudgingly dancing with you against his will, To be watching your child playing in her room and do nothing but look adoringly at the most precious soul to have ever been produced by your encompassing love, and to be spending the rest of your life with someone who has done nothing but be with you through every pivotal moment in your life was such an honor. 

It is an honor to be loved by Levi, as he is honored to be loved by you. 

“...The end.” You close the book with a deep but contented sigh. Tears were welling up in your eyes and you’re trying your best not to break down in front of Amelia. 

“Mommy… are you crying?” She tilts her head in inquiry. “Is it because you’re tired from work?”

“No. baby. These are happy tears, Lili. Don’t worry.”

Before you could speak up once more, you notice Levi had slowly sprung up from the couch, and began to stretch his arms. His eyes widen when he sees you from the opposite couch. “(Y/N)... you were supposed to arrive at 6 AM right? Amelia and I were supposed to pick you-”

Amelia opens her mouth to speak as she jumps down from the couch and crawls up to sit next to Levi. “Daddy! I showed Mommy the book you wrote! She loved it! Right, Mommy?”

“You did?” Your husband perks up from his seat, clearing his throat. “T-that’s not the entire book yet by the way. We had to give back the original copies to Erwin for reprinting. The self-help book is currently rising up the charts to be a New York Times Best Seller.” 

Before Levi could properly react, you move to the free space on the couch next to him. Holding his hand and gazing into his forlorn yet loving eyes, you muttered. “Love, that’s amazing. I’m really really proud of you. Next time though, please do tell me that you’ve written a self-help book and dethroned all those mommy authors from the bestselling charts.” 

Levi stifles a laugh, stroking your thumb and bringing you and Amelia closer to him for warmth. “I will. I will.” 

Amelia looks up at the two of you, squeezing out of the sandwich, so that you and Levi can have your quality time with each other. “Goodnight Mom! Goodnight Dad!” She approaches the two of you so that she can be given her nightly kiss on the cheek as she retreats to her room. 

“What if I write a novel too?” You joke, snuggling up to Levi, your husband wrapping his arm around you. “The title could be… The way of the Wife boss?” 

“That could be a good sequel. A shared book universe. Then, Amelia could continue the collection when we’re old and sour as hell.” Levi mused.

“Pfft. I guess only time will tell. I love you Levi.”

“I love you too (Y/N).”

[couslie]

Alistair is not a ‘himbo’: discussion of the continuous mischaracterization of Alistair with disregard to his trauma.

Throughout the fandom, Alistair is seen as a ‘cheese-loving himbo,’ and his personality is narrowed down to these two factors. People often see him as stupid, to put it simply, and others see him as ‘annoying’ and ‘whiny’. However, Alistair is quite possibly one of the most in-depth and fleshed out character that BioWare has developed. He is not actually stupid, and he should not be labeled as ‘whiny’ or ‘annoying’ either. Under the cut is an in-depth perspective of Alistair, his trauma, and his personality. 

Disclaimer: this is not going to be a ‘callout’ post to the fandom in any way. It is simply a character analysis on Alistair and his coping mechanisms for his trauma and how it is often misperceived. Warning for length.

Firstly, what is a ‘himbo?’

A ‘himbo’ is described as “an attractive but stupid young man,” most commonly used in reference to Alistair in the Dragon Age fandom. While the jokes are funny, sometimes it is taken a little too far. I have seen many people truly believe that Alistair is dumb and incompetent, and honestly, at first I also believed so. Throughout Dragon Age Origins, numerous characters comment on Alistair’s intellect including himself. This is often misinterpreted that Alistair is indeed unintelligent since he says so himself, right? Not quite.

Trauma:

Anyone who has played Dragon Age Origins knows that Alistair is the secret bastard son of King Maric to a ‘serving-girl in Redcliffe’. Instead of being raised by King Maric, Alistair was hidden away with his half-brother’s uncle, Arl Eamon, in Redcliffe. Eventually, rumors floated around that Alistair was Arl Eamon’s son, a rumor that Arl Eamon’s wife believed. Consequently, Alistair was sent to a Chantry monastery to begin training as a Templar around the age of ten; ten years later being ‘saved’ by Warden Commander Duncan and conscripted into the Grey Wardens. This is the biggest subplot in DAO, and other than the Blight looming over Fereldan/Thedas, is a main point in DAO’s storyline. 

This alone sounds absolutely awful for a child to have to go through. But it gets much, much worse for Alistair. Traveling though Fereldan with Alistair and talking with him gets him to open up a little about what his childhood was like. Most of it is shrouded in humor; however, he lets some truth shine through.

From this we can confer that Alistair did not have an ideal childhood living with the Arl in Redcliffe. Especially since when the Arl would visit Denerim, Alistair would sleep with the hounds. Not only is it hinted that Alistair suffered child neglect, it is also hinted that he may have suffered verbal abuse. As Arl Eamon was one of the only people to know that Alistair was Maric’s bastard, the verbal abuse and belittlement most likely came from him. 

 Throughout Alistair’s life he felt uncared for, and was so ignored and neglected as a child that even grown up he feels invisible and unheard. 

So uncared for, that even the simple act of giving him a gift he acts as if he never had anyone ever give him anything (which is possible except for maybe a few times). 

Or, even just remembering that he mentioned something.

Or, even a simple compliment makes him feel unworthy.

No one would listen to him or what he wanted, and that is another main sub plot of DAO. Going to visit Goldanna, the player can choose whether or not to harden Alistair and basically tell him, “People only look out for themselves. It’s time you did, too.”

Alistair felt he was unloved, unwanted, and a general burden to his family (and especially felt this way after meeting Goldanna). The only person he felt may have loved him was his mother who he believed to be a serving-girl; a main reason he holds on to his mother’s amulet. She represents the only person in his life, up until Duncan, who he thought would have loved and be proud of him. 

Coping Mechanisms:

Now that Alistair’s trauma is laid-out, we can move on to how he copes with said trauma. Alistair uses humor as a defense mechanism to cope with his childhood traumas, and it is very common, especially self-deprecating and dark humor. According to G. Swaminath, “Freud postulated that humor [sic] works by means of two principal mechanisms, ‘condensation’ and ‘displacement’. Condensation entails an economy in thought and expression and conserves psychic energy, and displacement transfers this psychic energy arising from conflict or incongruity to a humorous anecdote, which brings relief. Freud believed that cultivating a sense of humor [sic] could help lift repressions (i.e. unconscious conflictual material) but could also be harmful, particularly in certain forms of sarcasm and irony, directed at the self.”

(source)

Most, if not all of Alistair’s humor, is directed at himself in a very self-deprecating manner. Whether to make the player feel better, to make himself seem unimportant, or because his self-esteem is truly that low.

For Alistair, appearing as an idiot was the easiest way to be under the radar. He never wanted to be King. He didn’t want people to treat him differently, either, for knowing that King Maric was his father. The best way to seem insignificant was to belittle himself and appear that he was an ‘idiotic nobody’.

On top of all this, the player can even callout Alistair for using humor as a defense mechanism and deflecting questions that he doesn’t really want to answer.

It’s not that Alistair is truly unintelligent or ‘whiny/annoying,’ he is using humor to cope and defend in the best way he knows how.

So, is Alistair actually intelligent?

Firstly, intelligence is hard to measure. One person’s definition of intelligence could vary wildly from another person’s. There’s also the perspective that intelligence can be categorized. For example, a person may be book-smart but not street-smart and vice-versa. Who is to say, however, that both are not equally as intelligent, but just in different categories? There is no basis for ‘intelligence.’ Everyone can be intelligent in their own way, and for Alistair, he is intelligent on history (specifically chantry), battle tactics, and knowing deception/people’s motives. 

(Alistair not being told what the dark ritual is for)

As @mahariel-theirin​ said: “Right from the start you can just tell Alistair is smart, and not just because of his wit. When the Warden asks him about the origin of darkspawn he says, “You want the Chantry version, or the truth?” When asked about the fight with the mage, he calls out the revered mother’s power play by using him as a messenger. Look at that insight. That awareness. And that’s just from the first 5 minutes of meeting him.”

End Notes:

Take out of this what you will. But Alistair is more of a ‘hunk’ than a ‘himbo,’ and shouldn’t be discredited. He was abused and neglected his whole life. I personally believe Alistair should be given more credit than he has been receiving, and BioWare for creating a character that is so in-depth and fleshed out they have deceived people in believing that Alistair is truly dumb. Which, ironically, is what Alistair wanted in-game. I am not in any way saying to quit joking about Alistair being a ‘himbo’ either! A lot of the jokes are quite funny. This was purely made out of the informational interest of some people not quite understanding Alistair’s character and truly believing he might be one of the most stupid people in Thedas (and potentially misunderstanding his humor/defense/coping mechanism as stupidity). If anything, Alistair is ‘himbo-passing’ at best.

Also, with special thanks to @planesofduality for their Dragon Age Compendium. It was tremendously useful, and I thank you for all the time and devotion you put in to it to make it possible. Many thanks! Also thanks to @sundogsandrainbows, @not-plaidweave​, and @irhinoceri​ for discussing this with me and encouraging me to make this meta.

[imthepunchlord]

so I recently read through your "Always a hero"-works. And now I am hooked on LfM. And while Adrien Seems so much different from canon, he really isn't? Marinette not being in his "friends-folder" means he sees no reason believing her over Chloe. (I cannot recall situations like that in canon but when does canon explore sidecharas much other than to akumatize them)

It essentially is canon Adrien, though been focusing on his worst aspects as we’re going into 4 seasons, and those issues have yet to be addressed and I’m a tad salty and LfM is a salt fic response fic. And Adrien for a while will have that salty focus. Largely because

And yeah, canon won’t put focus on side characters (or even truly focus on our lead herself) as those characters have to circle around the love square, their akumas, or 

Actually the most we got is Chloe. 

She got focus outside Adrien and the love square. Unfortunately, all her focus was a big waste of our time and essentially another tease of “is she going to be redeemed or not”. Ultimately not and its like, why even bother spending two seasons focusing on will she won’t she be better. That could’ve been shortened down to one. Now she’s a very irritating character and canon wise, I don’t want to see her with another miraculous ever again. 

Which is a shame as I was one of many up to see Chloe redeemed, especially since I’m fed up with the idea that 14 yos girls are irredeemable but Gabriel will probably be redeemed. It shouldn’t be like that for Chloe or Lila. But they want to push that these girls are absolutely evil, more so than the active terrorist who is a neglectful father and by Chat Blanc abusive so... 

It’s also a big shame cause there was so much potential in the side characters outside love square and Adrien. 

Putting this under cut cause I just go off and it gets lenthy. 

Alya could’ve had an amazing arc if she was a full time hero. Could’ve had a struggle of balancing her hero and civilian lives, as one she is essentially living her dream. Another option is learning, hey, being a hero isn’t all glory and glamour. And depending on the miraculous, there was more to learn, especially since I myself am not big on her having Fox anymore and there are better alternatives, both in matching her but also teaching her things she needs to learn. She could learn to be more of a team player and to be more conscious of her friends as when she gets going in her goals, she can be quite inconsiderate. She can also learn to be more self conscious of her own security as she can rival Adrien in reckless behavior around akumas. And in truth, any miraculous can teach her the importance of secrecy, not Fox exclusively. 

Honestly, Alya and Nino should’ve had their miraculous swapped (most characters actually don’t have a miraculous that suits them in terms of kwami,  powers, or/and symbolism).  Alya at the core is meant to be a supportive friend that is supposed to have her friends’ back, but also prefers to be on the front lines. Turtle would allow this, and teach her to be more aware of the danger she and her friends are in. It won’t essentially stop her reactive behavior, but she can learn to be more smart about it. 

And with Nino, it was always weird to me how popular it was for him to get Turtle. And then it happened in canon and I’m just put off by the assignment. Nino at the core isn’t a character that wants to be on the front lines, but Turtle is a miraculous that is meant to be on the front lines as a protector. Nino is a support role, but not in that sense. Fox would’ve been better as its more designed to help from the shadows. It won’t be as aesthetically pleasing still as Nino is so color coded for Peafowl, but would fit better as it allows Nino to be a background support. It would also help him learn to be more observant and aware of others, and wanting to be a director, you need to learn to put on a good show that draws your audience in. Mirage can give him a chance to truly practice this. Mindful, Fox still isn’t my top pick for Nino (I think Fox would be more fitting with Marinette or Felix), Peafowl still is as that’s what he is coded for, and even canon wise, it would be a more fitting miraculous for him than Turtle. But of what Fu has, Fox would’ve been the better pick for Nino. 

And speaking of Nino, it’s revealed from a tweet from Thomas that Nino had lost an older brother and that his hat belonged to him. That actually gives Nino an emotional tie in to the plot as, while he wants his brother back, he wouldn’t go to the extent that Gabriel is. 

Classmate wise, there’s potential too. 

Origins shows that everyone was afraid of Ivan and assumed the worst of him, he could’ve had an arc of changing those views. Go from being feared to being seen as a hero to trust. A source of protection and security. 

Juleka wants to shine out more. But she struggles in that spotlight and to even be heard. She could have an arc about being heard, and building her confidence. 

Rose is a girl ruled by her heart and is full of love and trust for others. It could be interesting seeing her have a miraculous and struggling with the factor that fighting is involved, but she herself is a pacifist (at least I get that impression). And that can be an interesting thing to explore, as she’s not wrong, but sometimes fighting is the only way. She can also learn to be more conscious that there are those who will take advantage of her and will have active malicious intents to her and others. 

Kim actually states that he wants to be a hero. Not only could him as a hero be fun, it could help him mature as a character and be more serious, as akumas demand focus and be treated as serious. Copycat shows that he can be an observant character, I’d be intrigue to see ML’s residential himbo be surprisingly observant and offer up advise to his friends. 

And of alternative love interests... 

Well, this is more Kagami than Luka, at least in terms of character potential and an arc to see. Though, as of now, if all the predictions are correct SPOILER ALERT, Lies will break up Adrien and Kagami, to me its going to make them another Chloe. More specifically, why did we spend two seasons building up and teasing these alternative love interests only to immediately break them up at the start of s4. 

To me, that sets them up as pointless inclusions who ultimately didn’t bring anything to the narrative. 

Either way, this is about character potentials and I see more potential to explore with Kagami than Luka, and that’s more on the writers and how they handle Luka as most Luka episodes wound up more about Adrien than him. So he is largely a character I just don’t know what to do with. 

Kagami though, she’s an aggressive character that could learn to cool it, she wants to branch out/rebel from her mother, she wants to make friends but struggles with it, and can learn to be more conscious of others and step up into the hero role, of helping others. 

Honestly, working solely off Riptose, she would’ve been a better rival for Adrien than Marinette. Not just as a love rival, which he truly has yet to have, but a rival in general. While she wants to branch out from her mother’s influence, fencing is still her passion and her goal, something Adrien himself lacks. Outside being romantically involved with LB, he has no passion or goal for himself. Kagami can challenge this, why is he here when he doesn’t truly care about fencing? 

And as a romantic rival, she’s one of the few who doesn’t need a miraculous to join fights, she can vigilante to assist LB and pay her back for her helping in cleansing her, but could end showing that she’s a better partner to LB as she takes things more seriously and is more battle smart in fights. Which ultimately would force Adrien to step up his game, take things more seriously, and wise up for throwing a tantrum will only take you so far. Especially when there’s a 3rd party member that’s judging you for your immaturity and shows LB she doesn’t have to bow to his whims just because he’s having a tantrum. 

...You know, maybe Luka then would’ve been better as Marinette’s rival. Not a love rival, Marinette has enough between Chloe, Lila, and Adrien’s fanclub. But more of a rival for Ladybug. Though, it won’t so much be an arc for Luka himself but one for Marinette. If Kagami and Luka are supposed to help Adrien and Marinette grow, then this at least keeps in that theme. 

With the show taking a turn that Marinette is feeling overwhelmed and stressed with her role as a hero and now Guardian, and slightly playing off Origins and her doubts of whether she’s a good hero; Luka could’ve been an interesting character for her to come across and consider. Ultimately, he is set up to be a very solid hero: he is calm, mature, shown to be a planner, and considerate and aware of others. Only thing he has against him is that he’s a removed character and is mostly seen sitting on that boat. 

Romance between them I’d leave as optional, but it could be intriguing to see Marinette considering the possibility of retiring as Ladybug and passing it on to Luka so she can fully embrace her Guardian duties and not be so overwhelmed. And in general, it is a big wonder, who would take over as the Ladybug if Marinette has to leave and not come back, or that she can’t balance between being a hero and being the Guardian (and in truth, Tikki is no longer a good kwami for Marinette to have as she’s developing an Atlas complex through her and she hasn’t been helpful as a guide and adviser in a long time). 

Now the show writers would butcher this, but it could’ve been interesting to see. Maybe Luka could’ve been a means to help her learn to manage things better if she has to stay LB and Guardian. 

But yeah, it’s a shame that this show won’t delve past the LS which has long since gotten stale and quite toxic. There’s a lot of potential, but they won’t touch it. Won’t care to. 

[gillytweed]

Y’all wanna hear about the baby superhero team my brain decided needed to exist?

Yeah you do!

So, I’ve been on a superhero kick lately, specifically DC characters cause I’m kinda tired of Marvel, and my brain decided “what’s the harm in making a superhero OC?” Turns out the answer to that is making an entire team, side characters, a whole world, and lore. 

So far, I have the team solidly figured out. Said team lives in a world where superheroes have been around for while (think Young Justice cartoon timeframe in the grand scheme of superhero timelines). People with superpowers aren’t uncommon, so of course a superhero profession surfaced. 

On the team, we have Witchboy, a “magic” user, Nightbolt, an unpowered archer/tech hero, Karma, Damage Enhancement ability, aka can take damage and send it back at their opponent even stronger, Ibis, presumably a teleporter, Frost, Iceman but spikier, and Saber, an unpowered sword user. 

Nightbolt, Frost and Saber are Legacy Heroes. Aka, they got into heroing through family or personal connections. Meanwhile, Witchboy, Karma and Ibis all have their own reasons for joining a superhero team. 

Putting stuff below the cut so I don’t get people shakin’ their canes at me. 

General Character profiles

Witchboy  Civilian name: Howl Melas (Not their birthname. They chose to have go by a different name for reasons) Ethnicity: Very White, with ancestry all over Europe. Basically a European smoothie Pronouns: They/Them Mentor: Mystic (Sometimes Nightwatcher)

Powers: If I have to choose an already existing hero, I’d say their powers are the most like Raven’s from Teen Titans at a glance. Their powers are based on something I call Kinetic Algorithms, which is basically intense mental visualization paired with specific movements/muscle memory to channel energy into different effects. A list of their basic abilities at their introduction would be short distance teleportation, force fields, levitation, and a basic force blast. 

Description: Civilian attire usually consists of a hoodie and workout pants, or dark jeans, T-shirt, light jacket and a beanie to hide their silver hair (it was originally brown, but turned silver as their abilities surfaced). Their Hero suit is black/dark indigo with silver trim, and resembles a sleeveless hoodie (with the hood having a bit more structure so it doesn’t flap everywhere and get in the way) and fitted pants. Both padded for basic protection. They also have fingerless glove/gauntlet sort of things that contain a small communicator and basic GPS system.

Personality: Comes off as dark and brooding, but in reality is having an internal anxiety attack. They want to do their best to help, but often gets tripped up by overthinking, thus they default to not doing anything so they don’t make things worse. 

Nightbolt Civilian Name: Edana “Eddie” Cochran Ethnicity: Scottish Pronouns: She/Her Mentor: Broadhead

Powers: Got none but kicks ass anyway. Her primary weapon is the bow and arrow, but she’s also proficient in hand to hand and a few other melee weapons. She’s also the tech wiz of the group, and the only one who’s passed the simulator to be allowed to pilot the dropship. A decent acrobat as well.

Description: Civilian attire is usually jeans, and one of those leather jackets that are also a hoodie sort of deal. Her hair is red, and cut short into an undercut. Her Hero suit is black with red accents. It’s similar to Witchboy’s in that it’s also sleeveless, but it’s more of an armoured vest. No hood, as she prefers a domino mask. 

Personality: Easily the leader of the team, as she’s the most mature, despite not being the oldest. Being a Legacy Hero, she’s very aware of how her performance reflects on her mentor, so she does her best at all times, even when it’s clearly leading to burn out. 

Karma Civilian Name: Ethnicity: Not sure yet, but def white passing Pronouns: She/Her Mentor: Peacebringer (sorta)

Powers: Damage Empowerment. She takes damage then amplifies it and sends it back several times stronger. 

Description: Loves muscle T’s and booty shorts, cause when you worked for the muscles she’s got, you deserve to show them off. Has long blond hair that’s usually pulled up into a ponytail. Hero suit is basically full body armour, as she needs to get hit to hit back. Colours are blue and a yellowish gold. 

Personality: A Himbo, but with Street Smarts. At first comes off as cocky, flirtatious, and extremely self confident almost to the point of arrogance, she’s actually quiet sweet and thoughtful when it comes to her friends. She will also drop kick you into the sun if you’re a dick. Shares a braincell with Saber. 

Ibis Civilian Name: Kymani “Ky” Lukman Ethnicity: African Egyptian Pronouns: He/Him Mentor: Phase

Powers: Supposedly a teleporter :p

Description: The most handsome black man y’all have ever seen. Too bad for y’all he’s an aroace king and loves it. Civilian attire is nice Henley's and jeans. His Hero suit is black with gold accents that resemble ancient Egyptian jewelry, like the Usekh collar and the gold cuff like bracelets. 

Personality: This dudes just vibing. Probably the only one of the group who can process his emotions in a healthy manner. He’s calm, relaxed, and usually unbothered with what’s happening around him. This can turn into apathy in some cases, however. 

Frost Civilian Name: Andri Bylur Ethnicity: Nordic descent, primarily Sweden and Norway Pronouns: He/They Mentor: Cryon

Powers: Is basically Iceman but spikier. Can create, manipulate and cover himself in ice. Has the ability to consciously regulate his temperature as well.

Description: Looks like an extremely average dude with brown hair. Usually wears tshirts and plaid with jeans. His Hero suit is rarely seen, as it’s basically a thermal suit to aid in temperature regulation when he covers himself in ice. When covered in ice, they appear to be wearing spikey armour of some kind. In time the design becomes smoother and more streamlined as they get a better handle on their abilites. 

Personality: Probably the most empathetic of the group, they took on the responsibility of getting more in depth medical training, so they’re the team medic that never runs out of icepacks. Best friends with Ibis, they’re usually decently calm, but their overwhelming ability to care can bite them in the ass sometimes. 

Saber Civilian name: Chenzi “Shenzi” Young Ethnicity: Chinese  Pronouns: She/They Mentor: Dynasty

Powers: Got none but is very good with anything sharp. Primary weapon is a sword, but also proficient in hand to hand, and essentially any bladed weapon. Like Nightbolt, is also a decent acrobat. 

Description: Gets cold easily, so often wears oversized hoodies and sweatpants (is often told to put on “real” pants when going out in public). Hero suit resembles a lighter, more fitted, and streamlined interpretation of heavy Tang Dynasty era armour. Colours are primarily red and white. 

Personality: A gremlin but in a lovable way. She’s convinced she and Karma are the only ones with a sense of humour. Would be a prankster if it didn’t take so much work, so instead goofs off with Karma. Is actually very intelligent and good at what they do, they just manage their stress through shenanigans and can’t focus to save their life (ADHD for the win folks). Shares a braincell with Karma.

[my-writings-and-musings]

Could you do Himbo king Riptide with the oxygen loss?

Yes

But first

Thank you for giving him the best possible nickname and bestowing upon him the GREATEST of all titles he is forever the Himbo King in my heart oh my GOSH.

Part One: Here!

Part Two: Here!

Part Three: Here!

Part Four: Here!

Part Five: Here!

Part Six: Here!

Part Seven: Here!

Part Eight: Here!

Part Nine: Here!

Part Ten: Here!

Part Eleven: Here!

Part Twelve: You're Here!

Riptide

·Having often been dismissed or even mocked for his struggles understanding things that come so easy to others, he was relieved when you met him and were entirely accepting, turning his curiosity for earth to fondness for you in particular. For your part, you simply found his sweetness absolutely charming from the very beginning. While he also has a bit of a mischievous streak, that only contributed to the appeal, and the aquatic Autobot had you smitten fast. Now you're inseparable and everyone knows it. Today you're hanging out by the oil reservoir to chat, complete with some drinks to enjoy as you do so, though they're somewhat forgotten by the snuggle happy Riptide. Not being one for quiet contemplation doesn't stop him from enjoying mostly wordless cuddling sessions in the peaceful chamber.

·You're gaining a static charge thanks to his enthusiastic and cat like nuzzles against you, but you couldn't care less, especially because you know silent affection means he's quite content. A little kiss on his nasal crest earns you a growling purr, and when his optics meet your eyes you can see he's trying to think of something suave to say. The effort alone is sweet enough for you to willingly wait as long as he needs. Unfortunately, he doesn't get the opportunity to finish. There's a very mood ruining tremor that turns into a ground shaking quake, one that sends the reservoir turning over until a wave of oil is sent your way. Thankfully the bot you're dating is able to react on the spot, transforming into a boat and balancing you on his back until the ship grows still and the wave returns to the tank, at which point Riptide reverts to bipedal mode and holds you above the mess.

·Knowing that things aren't supposed to just tumble about, he tries to message someone for an explanation but finds he can't reach anyone. That immediately worries him, but not for his own sake. On instinct, he looks to your tiny form in his hands, knowing that any trouble will prove disastrous for your squishy self. Even if this is just a technical problem, you might get hurt, and he can't let that happen! He has to get you somewhere safe... The challenge of figuring out where is what's difficult, as the entire ship could be dangerous, and he's not accustomed to going away from potential trouble... You can see the panic growing on his face as you catch your breath, and a reassuring request to share the problem coaxes him into speaking.

·You listen diligently as he lays out the problem, his optics growing more worried as he explains the need to assist clashing with his priority to you, and admittedly the concern is touching. Had he been by himself, no doubt he'd have just fearlessly charged for the problem to help. Putting your own mind to the predicament, the possibility of a solution to all present issues becomes clear; the medical bay. No sooner have you posited the destination than he begins acting on it, cheerily praising the sense of it as he holds you close and starts moving. Despite being your proud protector, he doesn't mind leaving planning like this to you, as in fact it makes you and him a kind of dynamic duo. Now that the plan has been set, it's his job to be the muscle and keep you safe...

·There's a kind of comfort to be found in Riptide's arms, even with everything being so tense and quiet around the ship. Between his speed, strength and dedication, there's very little in the universe that could threaten you in his company. It makes you appreciate every moment being held so close to his warm frame. The big bot certainly notices you snuggling close in the silence, and he fights the urge to be talkative as he holds you closer, letting your small form settle naturally against his spark. Somehow he doesn't feel so on edge with you nearby. In fact, not much is scary at all with you in his life, and as an MTO he's spent a lot of time afraid. There's been so much fighting and death from the first day he awoke, and now he feels there can truly be something else for a change, even in moments like this.

·He knows enough about irony to realize that the ambush he walks right into is very ironic. Thankfully, he's honed his reflexes more than well enough to both dodge the first incoming hit and to move into a protective stance around you without hesitation. Outnumbered, he moves swiftly from the center of the circling aliens, each as big as he is but far slower. Shoulder checking one to facilitate an escape, he has just enough time to spot a little alcove a small distance ahead, and for your sake he makes an immediate decision. With a command for you to run, he releases you from his cupped palms and turns to fight off the attackers. All he can do is hope you understand and that he can fight off this many bad guys at once. Knowing that he has to, for both your sakes, doesn't help him as much as he thinks it should.

·Though you're more than a little rattled by the rush of action, you've learned enough in the past few months to recover from such things quickly, and the command for you to run is all you need to get moving. Loud sounds of combat fill your ears as you take off, but you don't stop. Cover is needed before you can check on your partner, instinct tells you. A shot from an energy weapon nearly takes away your hope of seeing him again when it hurls dangerously close. Heat singes your hair and makes you stumble, but you still manage to hobble behind a corner and into a human sized alcove. Only then, burned to a very uncomfortable but not dangerous degree, do you look back at Riptide. To your relief, he's managed to turn the tide of battle and is finishing off the last enemy with his bare hands, sharp dentae bared as he fights like a bot twice his size.

·From his own perspective, Riptide thought everything was a blur after he saw you stumble from a close encounter with blaster fire. Uncertain if you'd even gotten up, or what injuries you might have suffered, he'd gone into a rage assuming the very worst. The alien who'd taken the shot had been the first to go, their weapon crumbling in his servos to burn them with its acidic ammo, but pain hadn't been much of an obstacle in the face of worry. It had almost seemed like one blink of his optics had been all that passed between the start and end of the bloodshed. As soon as the last threat had been dealt with, his focus had shifted fearfully back to you, or at least where he'd last seen you. His spark almost sang to see you looking right back at him. Wincing from injuries he had been too preoccupied to feel before, he smiled through it all before kneeling to welcome you back to his arms in a careful embrace.

·Despite the burning afflicting your arms and face, bright pink blood was your first concern, especially that which dripped from a fist sized crater in his chest. Fussing over him without a care for yourself, you were lifted in a gentle hand as he tried to walk while reassuring you. Frankly, the discoloration to certain parts of your skin seems far more pressing a concern from his perspective, as he's never seen it look so flushed or give off so much heat. Suggesting that you take it easy the rest of the way to the medbay, he points out your still rapid breaths as a sign you need to relax. Even if he doesn't understand "breathing" he's seen it often enough to figure out you only speed it up when stressed. You find yourself surprised upon realizing you are indeed quite out of breath even now.

·Something lurches in his spark when he sees a disturbing slouch to your entire body, as if the adrenaline has finally faded and something awful is hitting you without its shield. Dizzy and quite exhausted, you lay yourself down in the palm holding you gently to try and regain some semblance of concentration, but find the allure of sleep to be growing by the second. Your brush with death must have taken a lot out of you... It's impossible to ignore how nice it is to relax and close your eyes. Even the pain of your injuries is so much more bearable when consciousness slips further away, and you suddenly can't think of many reasons to resist, even as your partner starts insistently asking why you want to sleep.

·Riptide goes right back to panicking as you start to power down in his arms no matter how he requests you stay awake. Tears start dotting his optics as the worst of possibilities run rampant through his mind, forcing him to run despite his own injuries to get you help before it's too late. What if you suffered some human injury he didn't know was possible during the fight? What if he couldn't get you to help in time? What if this was all his fault? Pleading for you to stay awake, he ignores the pain in his body as he continues to make himself run, half uncertain he's going the right way in his panic. Thinking borders on impossible with the hurt and grief warring inside of him. All he knows is that he can't lose you, and in the back of his processor a wicked bit of loathing taunts him for messing up in ways that a smart bot never would have.

·Limping into the medical bay, he brushes off immediate concern for his own injuries to hold you up and plead for somebot who knows how to fix you. The medics react quickly, having trained to treat humans with you on board, and First Aid informs him of a breakdown in the ship's atmospheric controls. Not understanding the finer details of the issue, he's nevertheless able to figure out you were in a kind of danger he wasn't even aware of. Seeing you be stabilized and bandaged makes him happy for only the shortest of moments. It hardly seems any of this could have happened if you had been with a bot who was smart enough to grasp these things. From the ambush to the delay just in getting you here, it isn't hard to conclude he's responsible for your suffering...

·Having not truly lost consciousness until the medics put you under to recover, you know where you are when wakefulness stirs your limbs, but that doesn't stop you from feeling a touch confused. Accustomed to waking in the presence of one particular bot, you stretch out your hand in a blind search for a familiar presence. A warm digit presses into your palm without delay. Opening your eyes to a beloved face partially obscured by an oxygen mask, you're relieved to see the injuries he endured protecting you have been patched up to the best of Autobot medical ability, leaving little more than a few bandages to mark their presence. However, the usually perky bot is looking absolutely distraught. Grey optics make it clear to you he's been crying. Without a pause, you ask him if he was hurt worse than initially thought, or if something terrible happened to someone else.

·At your concern he sheds more tears, both touched by your words and feeling wholly undeserving of their compassion. He can't help but say how all of your troubles are his fault, as anyone who was actually smart would have taken you here right away. They also would have been able to avoid walking right into an ambush, something only bots as slow as himself would do, because he's just so dumb. At his last word you grab his digit insistently, unable to stand up and stop such talk as you usually do when teasing gets to him. Hearing you say that such talk simply isn't true, that you adore him and he made the decisions that likely saved your life in addition to fighting off a team of aliens... Your words help, as they always do. Though he's still quite rattled at the idea of nearly losing you.

·Gesturing to his still healing wounds, you assure him that you're afraid as well, because there's a lot out there capable of hurting you both. But, together, you stand a chance. That gives him pleasant pause. Recalling how he'd compared the two of you to a kind of dynamic duo, he smiles and leans in to you as he does when seeking cuddles. Careful of your own bandages, you let him snuggle close and pet his crest just the way he likes, encouraging him to relax. Forming a protective wall around you, he's able to get some much needed rest alongside you, looking far more peaceful at the prospect of always having you beside him.

[diamondcitydarlin]

I am just...honestly fascinated by this sudden ‘change of heart’ with Guillermo tho in regards to being a familiar and becoming a vampire, there’s a lot going on there and a lot to unpack, and I’m hoping somewhere in the depths of what is about to be a long, directionless rant I’ll find the clarity I haven’t seemed to quite grasp yet. 

ALSO I’M SORRY THIS IS A LOOONG ASS POST BUT I DIDN’T WANT TO PUT IT UNDER A READ MORE AND SUBJECT INNOCENTS TO MY BLOG LOL, BUT I’VE TAGGED ACCORDINGLY 

So, I already made a post about ‘Collaboration’ and some of the interesting subtext we get within that episode. Mainly, that this episode is an interesting one for Guillermo because he finally gets what appears to be and should be (at least at first) the opportunity he’s always been waiting for. To this point, across seasons, Guillermo has driven home that his one and only aspiration in life, the reason he tolerates an endless, shitty position, is because he hopes to become a vampire. He’s wanted it since he was a kid. IF HE CAN’T BECOME A VAMPIRE, WHAT HAS THIS ALL BEEN ABOUT?? 

If it was as simple as just wanting to become a vampire by any means necessary, leaving Nandor for this golden opportunity should have been as easy as taking off an ill-fitting pair of shoes...but it wasn’t that, was it? When Nandor pretended to shuck him off as if it didn’t matter, Guillermo got angry and sad in equal measure and only really brightened again when Nandor came back and promised to do better by him. Not necessarily set down a concrete timeline for the ‘becoming a vampire’ thing though, but Guillermo didn’t seem to care about that all that much anyway. Interesting. 

Now we’re able to see a version of things in which Guillermo is being treated better as a familiar, but rather than this development improving his mood he seems all the more aware of the fact now that...maybe he doesn’t even want to be a vampire anymore. Maybe he’s wasting his time here. Maybe he needs to swim towards open waters, so to speak. 

Very similar to Nandor, Guillermo, I think, is not really aware or fully accepting of the inner workings of his own mind. He strikes me as a character that does a lot in the way of burying the truths of himself so far down, he even convinces himself that part of who he is doesn’t really exist- even when it does, and drives a lot of his actions. The show plays to this by only ‘showing’ us concretely how much Guillermo wants us to know, with only small hints and nods to other things going on. That fits and rings true to the norm for a mockumentary style of filming/writing, in that the audience has to rely on a lot of subtle cues from the subjects to figure out what’s ‘really going on’ with a character or plot line; the ‘camera’ in a mockumentary style piece is as much of a visceral, present character as anyone else in the cast and is treated accordingly (but then, like 99.99999% of human beings have seen the entirety of The Office and Parks and Rec, so yall know this already) 

I think part of the way to figuring this all out is to ask why Guillermo wanted to be a vampire in the first place. His answer to this would probably be something along the lines of ‘because they’re cool’ which, you know, valid. That would be a fitting and satisfying answer if, say, I had given it because there was a time when I was about 4-6 years old that I, too, decided I would grow up to be a vampire. Because it was ‘cool’ and aspiring to anything else seemed boring. Again, valid. For someone who has dedicated pretty much ALL of his adult life to apprenticing into vampirism based on a childhood dream that never died? THAT begs a bit more of an in depth reason, I think, to which for now we can only guess. 

I’ll try to make an educated one based on what I believe is going on here, that Guillermo himself is either not aware of or not ready to share with the cameras: I believe his drive to want to become a vampire, given it was based in childhood flights of fancy (and probably some Guillermo-self insert/Armand fanfics, let’s be hONEST) was rooted in a need to feel respected and powerful, at the heart of things. When we first meet Guillermo, and for much of season 1, we see that he’s quiet, subservient, meek, and we learn briefly about how he was bullied in school. I think Guillermo was raised to be this way and use silence/subservience as his only defense mechanism, which may also go a long way to explaining why he’s so reserved. For 10 years, I think it was enough for him to tell himself that everything would be better for him once he became a vampire, he’d have all the things he never had as a human. Respect. Appreciation. Power. Control over his own life.

That said, things have changed quite a bit for Guillermo since season one. While learning that he had Van Helsing blood came as an unpleasant shock, embracing and exploring that side of himself proved that he’s actually kind of a bad ass even without being a vampire. He only ever wielded this power to protect Nandor and others so far, but it is a power nonetheless, this agility and strength that is too great for even VAMPIRES to successfully fight back against. He’s also a smart cookie that knows how to manipulate a situation, something that he’s been using a lot this season too. So, power, then. He has it already. Respect he received from his vampire-hunting group. 

But that still leaves appreciation and, dare I say it, maybe even affection/love. I think there’s a part of Guillermo that wants to feel like he’s accepted and cared for, but even when it’s offered (by groups like his vampire hunting clan, or Celeste’s vampire community lol) he seems to shy away from it going too far, like it’s just too much or ill-fitting coming from people he barely knows. Given that he’s a private, introvert type this makes sense. 

One thing has remained consistent for Guillermo though, across both seasons and episodes, and that’s his seemingly unwavering concern and affection for Nandor. Even in this last ep when he’s unashamedly shucking off duties that don’t fit his job description and maintaining those professional boundaries like a BOSS, he still snaps to and gets to work the moment Nandor is kidnapped. Laszlo’s gone? Meh, who cares, not his jurisdiction. Nandor’s gone!?? Fuck it, he’s getting the keys. A ‘vampire’ offers him the opportunity of a lifetime to become a vampire quickly and live within an accepting community of likeminded people and Nandor told him ‘go for it’? He’s upset that Nandor didn’t fight harder to keep him. 

So now he’s back and Nandor’s making a consistent effort not to abuse Guillermo’s position. This seemed the ideal resolution at the end of ‘Collaboration’, but after a couple of weeks it becomes clear that it wasn’t. For some reason. Guillermo’s no longer satisfied and thinks maybe it’s time to do more with his life. 

I’ll try to sum up the points I’ve made so far into a concise version of where I think Guillermo’s at right now, at least subconsciously; mostly all the things he hoped that turning into a vampire would grant him, have already been granted. He’s learned that he’s strong, smart, capable as is, more than he or anyone else had ever given him credit for. I think it makes sense that his burning need to become a vampire has begun to ebb into a quarter-life crisis of questioning who he really is and what he really wants, because the dream he nursed for so long has turned out to be pretty shallow and maybe not even necessary. He realizes there’s more he could be doing than working tirelessly to an end goal that no longer seems so sweet. 

But that leaves the ‘affection’ and ‘acceptance’ elements dangling in space, held up by his own affection for Nandor that has yet to be really defined. It’s pretty clear that Guillermo is nursing it hard, but what is the nature of it? Even as his sense of loyal devotion to a cause has started to fade, even as his view of Nandor as this unflappable role model has begun to disappear too bc he’s starting to see Nandor for who he really is (a himbo idiot that he can outwit, outmatch without even trying hard) this raw affection still remains. It’s still important that Nandor fights for him. It’s still important that Nandor is safe and protected.  

And, as with the rest of these things I mentioned, I don’t think Guillermo is even really aware of how much he cares about Nandor, how much it drives his actions and thinking, how important that relationship is to him. It’s easier to just sort of...ignore that and pretend it isn’t a factor, that’s Guillermo’s modus operandi when it comes to complicated feelings. 

I think back to that line from season 1, wherein Guillermo’s kind of musing wistfully about how different his life might have been if he’d stayed at Panera Bread/in a stable job with pay and benefits, but then handwaves that all away with ‘The heart wants what it wants’. By this point in the show he was already kind of drifting away from the goal of becoming a vampire (whether he realized it or not). 

The heart wants what it wants indeed, Guillermo, but maybe it’s not really ‘becoming a vampire’. Maybe it’s something else entirely that keeps you tied to this house, this thankless ‘job’. 

At this point, I really cannot say for 100% certain what I think will happen next with Guillermo. This show has proven solid at pulling out unexpected plot twists I wouldn’t have seen coming, but then, I also have been pretty good at predicting where they’re gonna go with things. Like 7/10 lmao. My two theories right now are: 

He’ll become a vampire in the series finale- unwillingly, maybe by accident. This one I think is plausible because it’s a bit of a kick in the pants. It’s the outcome he’s wanted for SO LONG but has just realized maybe it’s not all he can do or wants to do. I could see a situation where, idk, maybe Guillermo expresses to Nandor his thoughts lately about moving on from this and, in an act of stupid desperation, Nandor thinks maybe if he changes him that’ll keep him in his life, so he does it while Guillermo’s asleep and then surprises him when he wakes up...only to find out maybe that wasn’t actually what he wanted anymore, but UH OH what’s done is done. This could provide a lot of tension in the next season, I think. But as it’s a bit of a ‘shocking’ twist type route to go, I can’t be certain this is what they’ll do. Kind of a toss up. 

Guillermo leaves to pursue something else, which the camera crew will follow and document. This is the ‘sensible’/’safe’ route that most scripted shows would take, I think, in this situation...but again, I’m not certain about this one either because Shadows is known for throwing us for a loop and this seems a liiiittle predictable. It’s also very similar to what JUST happened in episode 8 and, were I writing the show, I’d worry it would come across as redundant. Like, maybe we already did this angle and should explore other options to keep the audience on their toes. Also, as much as they love putting Harvey with new casts of characters for episodic stories, I’m not sure they’d transplant him from the main cast for an extended period of time because he’s part of what makes that dynamic run so well. But then, the synopsis of the finale does say that vampires have to ‘survive without Guillermo’ while preparing for an event, so this may happen in some small, episodic measure again.   

Anyway, to wrap this up into a conclusion, I don’t think I’m wrong in predicting that Nandor/Guillermo’s relationship has been set up in such a way as to keep us guessing, sort of a Sam/Diane, will-they-won’t-they type thing that will remain a constant throughout whatever happens next, but will require both characters growing independent of each other in their own respective subplots. At this point, it has always remained consistent that Nandor and Guillermo prioritize each other even when it doesn’t make sense, but I don’t think either of them are ready to realize, accept, and sort through the layers of what they feel for each other. The master/servant dynamic makes that difficult, I’d imagine, so I think inevitably we’ll see the show start to pull them away from that. All I’m saying is, if whatever is going on between them wasn’t VERY complicated it would’ve been resolved as whatever it is a long time ago. Nah, there’s some deep, repressed shit they’re ignoring collectively for whatever reason, and usually that points to something that will, at some point, become romantic. Either way, to understand Guillermo is to keep a close eye on how his dynamic with Nandor grows and changes and I’m, as ever, VERY eager to see how it does. 

[terrainofheartfelt]

Who do you think each Gossip Girl character has as a Disney character counterpart?

Okay I've been thinking on this for a couple days and I think I have answers that I am happy with. So, in a completely unscientific order from my notes app, here goes:

gonna go ahead and put this all under a cut bc I have a feeling I'll be long-winded.

Dan: Belle - bookworm, idealist, romantic, a little sheltered, a loving if ditzy father, has a big, stupid bleeding heart for people who are less than Nice. And, if I may add, there's a little bit of Milo Thatch in there, too: book smart, not street smart, thoughtful but eager to please, wants to do something Meaningful with his life but has his worldviews challenged when he steps outside of his comfort zone. (and yes. I am aware of the name coincidence.)

Nate: Prince Eric - sailor, himbo, amateur piner, serial monogamist drinks that Respects Women juice. Nate is absolutely the type to hear a voice/meet a girl one (1) time and be like, "yeah, that's the one." and Oh! fun fact: the actress who plays his republican gf Bree Buckley was Ariel on Once Upon a Time! I'd also say there's some Kristoff in there, too: blonde himbo that also Respects Women, doesn't know what's happening exactly, but will absolutely give you a ride to get there.

Vanessa: Megara - self-possessed, boss-ass bitch, moronsexual + Tiana - self-starter, kind, has no time for your romantic notions because she's got a five year plan and a job to do.

***these are all animated (I think), but I am editing to add that Vanessa also has Lily Moskovitz from The Princess Diaries energy. She'd so have a public access talk show called "Shut Up and Listen."

Blair: Charlotte La Bouff (from Princess and the Frog) - privileged (borderline spoiled), romantic, obsessed with stories & fashion and living out her own fairytale, but has a good heart, and cares for her friends. & Lady - lives a sheltered privileged life and is perfectly content that way until she meets those who shake her worldview (I think this is the only animal one I could come up with? idk y'all it's been a while since I've indulged in the Disney. unless you count the Princess Diaries.)

Eric: Anna - kind, clever, loyal, would go the ends of the earth for the big sister, grows up feeling lonely, Is Baby

Serena: Merida - extroverted, free spirit, a little bit wild, amazing hair, wants to break out of the mold society & her mother have set out for her (bc Lily is so Merida's mom, Elinor)

Jenny: Elsa - platinum blonde, isolates herself/lashes out at people when things go badly, extremely talented with amazing fashion sense, dad whose biggest life lesson is "conceal don't feel," lesbian.

and, because I said this in tags earlier today: Georgina is Yzma: here for no other reason than to look fabulous and cause problems on purpose. Her trophy husband Philip is Kronk - homemaker, henchman but is terrible at it, just wants to make spinach puffs and take care of the baby.

chip wiskers is Frollo from Hunchback of Notre Dame