#he'd think it's the funniest thing in the fucking world

[saccharinecoffee]

peter parker the type of guy who'd film and post educational lectures on pornhub

[moe-broey]

Screaming crying throwing up curled up on yhe floor sobbing weeping ect ect I miss them SO much (PNGs with voice lines that live in my phone that I can look at any time)

[leatherbookmark]

i had op blocked so ray’s rebloggathon was tragically Absent from my dash but now that i caught up, *hyeju voice* el oh el

[honnelander]

How did Sanji and reader meet the first time? What did they think of each other at first impression 👀?

hmm interesting question! i feel like it would go a little something like this (in my main "mutual pining" series):

You had originally joined the crew back in the beginning with Luffy, Nami, and Zoro when they were going up against Buggy. Since helping them slice that clown pirate down to size, you were a straw hat.

You never particularly had a dream of your own or knew where you wanted to be, but once you met Luffy and his endless optimism and kindness?? You knew it then: you had found your people.

So when did you meet Sanji? At the same time as everyone else, at the Baratie.

After Nami slipped the host some berry to get your crew a table, you all made your way down to the main dining area. Watching Zoro struggle to slide into the booth because of his swords was practically the funniest thing you've ever seen so you couldn't help the laughter that came out of you and in turn, that made the rest of the straw-hats all join you in poking fun at Zoro and laugh your asses off (much to Zoro's chagrin).

"Fuck you guys," Zoro muttered as he gave each member of the crew their own personal death glare.

When the swordsman locked eyes with you for your own personal Zoro Death Glare, you couldn't help but laugh louder.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, everyone's favorite blonde-haired chef was busy making the infamous bluefin tuna special that led to him getting kicked out to wait tables that particular night.

As Sanji put the final touches on his off-the-menu special, wiped the edges of the plate clean, and confidently strode to the front of the line, all while bantering with Patty, he felt on top of the world.

Until Zeff crapped all over his dish and kicked him off the line.

"Fucking old man," Sanji snarled under his breath as he pushed the kitchen doors to the dining room a little more harsh than necessary.

As he walked into the dining room, slinging his suit blazer over his shoulders, he was fuming...until he heard a loud chorus of laughter come from his right. He looked up in curiosity as he buttoned his blazer in the little alcove next to the kitchen and scanned the dining room. Baratie was a more upscale, fine dining experience (especially for pirates), so for a table of guests to laugh as loud as he was hearing was certainly new to the cook. Whoever they were, they definitely must not be from around here.

His blue eyes immediately went to the table nearest to him, table eight, where he had his eyes set on the pretty blonde woman earlier in the night in hopes that she was the one laughing loudly but, no she wasn't. When he took the plate of pastries and took a few steps into the dining room, he heard the laughter towards his right and immediately looked that way with a cool gaze.

And the sight he was met with nearly took his breath away. At table ten, he saw the most gorgeous woman he'd ever seen: you. There you were, sitting there at the table, laughing your ass off at the green-haired guy next to you, laughing so hard you were hitting the table with your fist, not a care in the world. It looked like everyone else at your table was laughing along with you, all except for mosshead (a stick in the mud, Sanji thought with a scoff).

Only one thought occupied his mind now, not Zeff, not the bluefin special, not being kicked out of the kitchen, just: you. You and your infectious laugh.

Everything after that happened in a blur. The two pirates at table eight both stood up enraged, yelling insults back and forth along with threats to kill each other, ripping Sanji's attention away from you and pissing him off all over again.

Could anything go right today?

Once he kicked those two pirates unconscious, he then smoothed out his suit jacket, let out a small exhale of satisfaction, and picked up the plate of pastries again. As he strode over to your table, he put on his most charming smile and placed the pastry plate right down on your table like nothing had just happened.

And to be fair? Pirates fighting did happen all the time, that was just another typical Tuesday night at the Baratie.

But meeting you? That was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and he'd do anything to hear you laugh and see your gorgeous smile light up that pretty face of yours again.

He stared right at you as he said, "Good evening, and welcome to our shitty little restaurant: the Baratie."

At his tone and choice of words, you couldn't help but look at your extremely attractive waiter in surprise and confusion and let out a surprised laugh. Didn't he work here?

He kept going though but his charming smile only widened at hearing your laugh, his smile reaching his eyes as he said, "My name is Sanji. What can I get for you?"

And in that moment, without the other person's knowledge, you were smitten with each other.

Taglist: @smolracoon25

[gremlingottoosilly]

König x reader who's a little dumb, König lets it slip out he wants to keep the reader at his place forever/kidnapping or something similar, the reader jokingly agrees thinking it was a joke, 2 days later, to the reader now in his home realising it wasn't a joke and is now trying every polite way to say they want out without directly saying it

"um, this doesn't seem like a joke anymore ;;"

"of course, it wasn't a joke ^^"

"..hey..;;so I need to get clothes from my apartme-"

"I'll buy you new ones ^^"

Naive and dumb darling who doesn't even understand why he would joke like this...he is funny, the funniest guy alive, of course, your best friend out of all possible besties! Then he forgets to give you spare keys for his home - you don't want to just leave the house unlocked even though you want to go out and, really, you can use a little break from everything...then he forbids you from leaving - something about bears, wolves, dangerous people out in the forests even though you're pretty sure there is a small town just a few kilometers away. Konig just wanted to give you a little vacation, that's all! And he buys you gifts, and he even cooks for you - by that I mean that he brings you fancy takeout and comfort food in little styrofoam containers so you won't feel bad( he is such a good friend and you'd be stupid to start crying about wanting out now, he is trying his best...and now you found yourself literally stuck with him, at his house - he won't let your live, he buys you all of those cool new stuff, he refers to you as his girl and you're not sure he is talking about just being friendly now... The good thing is - he is never cruel or violent! Despite essentially kidnapping you, Konig would wait until you're properly fine with your situation so he could fuck you without a care in the world...obviously, he'd take something for himself - for example, he won't ever let you leave with your panties on, he is taking them as taxes!! He needs to please yourself, you should understand, seriously! And if he watches your showering...hey, at least he isn't touching you unprompted, right?

.

[kerubimcrepin]

LIVEBLOG: Wakfu Season 4, Episode 12

I will be honest: if Joris started seriously using this thing he would simply get scared like "WHAT IF I AM GOING TO DIE ON ACCIDENT AND NOT NOTICE DOING TOO MUCH". Also, his pride wouldn't allow him to overindulge.

What I'm getting at, is that his usage of this thing is literally the most in-character, funniest thing that he could have possibly done.

Yes. It's the demons again. I don't actually have anything to add. He looked pretty.

>touch eldritch artifact that feeds on life energy to make people powerful >use it to enhance your nonexistent magical huppermage abilities that were killed both by lack of education and the fact you have a weird fucking dragonized body to summon a tresstump magic wand from a different country >stop using eldritch artifact in any way Literally nobody does it like him. I can just hear him praying that nobody notices or thinks he's weird. But I do. I do.

...If he didn't have The Stump on his mind, he probably wouldn't have stepped anywhere close to this thing.

I thought about how many times Joris has probably had to read out war speeches, to be able to pull something this good sounding out with no preparation, and got a bit sick in the head.

There is nobody better to read out a speech like this, I think. I don't have any thoughts because I am now clinically insane.

At this point, they have discussed the plan for infiltrating the Necro world.

And I keep thinking about the fact that, Just like everyone in this place, Joris has a family to return to and protect (<- taking poison damage actively) and that Joris, like everyone else, is distinctly aware that if they die — not only will their loved ones be sad, they'll also be dead as well.

I really like this little moment of "I really hope you know what you're doing (I don't know what we're doing, and I'm scared)" and the way his voice sounds worried...

I can read complex emotional motivations into ANY Joris dialogue. Just watch me. The worms inside my brain guide me.

The little nod as their plan commences...

If Joris + Sword = Atchan behaviour, then Joris + his stupid log = Kerubim behaviour... From his full-front and full-back pirouettes, to the way he holds positions himself.

As I've said, while it might not be Ankama's intention even now, Joris's fighting style has always resembled Kerubim and Atcham a lot. Which would fit, considering they were probably the ones to actually teach him to fight. (However, by now, I'd be sad if it wasn't their intention...)

Though in the original movie scripts, I'm pretty sure it was Kerubim was the one who actually gave him the log and taught him to use it... So, maybe my jokes about Joris's style in the first seasons are actually pretty-on point and Joris's fighting style has always been based off his?

Whatever the fuck is going on with Joris and Kerubim's bond is at this point, like, written in the fabric of the universe. It's a big comfort to know that the one and only reason I began liking Joris as a character (that reason being his relationship with Kerubim) has always existed in some way

...Ankama please make Kerubim teaching Joris to use the log as a weapon canon already! For years, even before researching movie history, my headcanon has been "Kerubim asked Joris what weapon he'd like to learn to use first — expecting the answer to be something like "a staff" or "a wand" due to Joris's lineage... and Joris responded with "yours :) blunt damage to the bones yippie" which was unexpected but pleasant."

I'm fucking crazy you know. Yugo took Joris's hit... The way Joris softly says "Yugo! :(". The way he immediately rushes at Toross... Friendship is so real and poignant.

Joris "I can't show people they're getting under my skin or that I'm uncomfortable bc that's a sign of weakness" Jurgen saying this is just. you know that he's just fucked. that he's stressed out. and maybe scared of dying. if he was feeling normal, he would not fucking say this.

He probably means this in a "you're not even the 1238423th person that I outlived and defeated to try and get at me like this" but it comes across as "I'm so tired of it".

He's always been disrespected. No matter how hard he tries or how hard he works, everyone just treats him like a child, calls him a little guy at best, a midget at worst — even if he is a politican, even if he is 600 years old. Every person that doesn't know him tutoyers him. Even his family sometimes treats him like a child — albeit for different reasons.

He has 20 mental illnesses, and half of them would be solved by indiscriminately shooting anyone who calls him "petit" or "nabot" or "garçon" with a gun.

[walks into the sea]

On the first watch-through, I genuinely cheered and clapped. Ya!!

Kill him Joris. Kill him and be reborn as a lotus flower.

:(

[oh-no-its-bird]

Been thinking about your team ro time travel and team ro defect crossover and I just. I've been rereading keanblade's stuff recently so i have a very specific tobirama in my head and the idea that he'd take one look at this group of sad dissilusioned young adults/children and be like guess i'm a father of 5 now and rewrite his entire priorities around that. Like, you mentioned in the of team ro time travel you liked the idea of having half hatake tobirama in the mix and i'm an enjoyer the idea hatake tend to just adopt children wily nilly like oh look more pack, I think i will thank you very much. Just tobirama absconding with this entire group that has no incentive to return to their own time and being like i'm the dad now (yes some of them are barely younger than him, no that doesn't change that he's everyone's dad fuck off). He gets to teach kakashi all kinds of hatake things! Show him how to be a little wilder like the hatake of the warring states! If you subscribe to the theory he helped hashirama learn how the mokuton worked he could tenzo with his mokuton. The funniest option is that somehow all of this leads to peace without izuna dying and they werent even trying for that. Like, tobirama just straight up ditching everything to take care of a bunch of depressed teenagers and a kid, over half of which are uchiha, and being SO fiercely protective of his little pack of murder children and the uchiha seeing this and being like. Huh. I thought that guy hated us? He just. Is living in the woods with three uchiha and treating them like his specialest little guys. An uchiha patrol runs across them and tobirama is patting itachi on the head for a good job learning whatever insane jutsu he's currently teaching team ro because those are his kids and of course he'd teach them to be as strong and terrifying as he could. Makes them think. Bonus points if this also somehow leads to madatobi and/or when the village does get built tobirama always looking to team ro before agreeing to any plans cuz they know what didnt work the first time, having not only been affected by it in the worst ways but left because of it in their time. Does this make the village better? Who knows. But they're certainly trying.

Sorry for the long thing, this has just been plauging my thoughts. I dont even know if i explained my idea well it's just been banging around in my brain for too long and i needed it out

Based off [THIS] au about Team Ro defecting from Konoha after Kakashi, having been told the truth of his fathers sabotaged mission and the slander campaign against him by Orochimaru, interrupts Shisui's murder at Danzo's hand, leading to the entire team + Sasuke to flee Konoha-- and then accidentally time travel into the warring states era, years before Konoha was set to be founded.

(This is already long, so the reply is below the cut ->)

OK FIRST OFF IM SO SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO REPLY TO THIS OOPS I HOPE I DIDNT KEEP U IN SUSPENSE

Woahh Keanblade mention !!! I love their stuff, they have some great fics and I love their brain. I haven't read their fics in a while actually, I should like go brush up on my keanblade lore / characterization at some point

IM YELLING THO IM SO ?? HONORED ?? TO HAVE SPARKED SMTHN IN UR BRAIN ACTUALLY, IM EATING THIS UP I LOVE IT THANK U SM FOR SENDING ME THIS I HAD SO MUCH FUN READING UR IDEAS !! AND YOU SENT ME SO MUCH TOO, SO MUCH FOOD TO DEVOUR ! Thank you for sending them to me I am giving you a little kiss right on ur brain

Tobirama really said "wow I can't believe I have to adopt these guys now"

Hashirama, probably: "Otouto you really dont have to--"

"I can't believe the world itself is making me adopt these sad, lost children."

"Children? Otouto, they aren't exactly--"

"I MUST take them in. I'm FORCED to, even."

"Tobi, no one is saying you--"

"I really have no choice in the matter. There are NO other options for them."

"Tobirama, please--"

The fact that Tobirama is like literally the same age as Kakashi and then they're just barely older than Shisui and Tenzo makes the whole thing so much funnier. It's probably for the best that he didn't try to dad them fr fr bc Im pretty sure the only one here without some form of daddy issues is like. Sasuke. Who is also 7.

(Which could be argued against tbh just depending on ur specific interpretation of Fugaku's dynamic w his kids on any given day)

So I imagine trying to actually parent various members of team ro comes with the risk of accidentally stepping on a landmine and potentially causing incredible violence and years of baggage to explode outward. I love my traumatized shinobi boys !!

Big brother Tobirama my beloved tho !!! Do u think he has complexes about being a big brother I think he has complexes and also that we should totally explore that, send tweet

Tobirama cave hermit arc !!! Madara had his turn, now it's his!

Team Ro really showed up, immediatley got thrust into an (unwilling, unwanted) custody battle, then got fucking SNATCHED by Tobirama before they could try and make a run for it, and just kinda,, decided to go with it? I guess? Fucking gold, actually. How the actual fuck did Tobirama convince them all to stay with him, the world will never know.

The man teleported the group of them into a forest alone, (instantly outnumbering himself) and went "this means I won the custody battle btw." and team Ro just went "I mean its better than being stuck with Uchiha Madara I guess." and went with it

Im not going to lie I fucking pictured Madara stumbling across the cave and team ro yapping at him like little chihuahuas and fucking lost my mind actually, needed to take a second to regain my sanity (in a good way)

Do u think Hashirama yells at Tobirama when he comes back home for publically kidnapping some mystery uchiha (plus others who were not very recognizable and thus do not matter as much) in front of the uchiha clan. Does Tobirama come back home? Does he just decide to become a cave hermit somewhere in the woods with his hashtag found family who may or may not fully want to be there? (they must, to some degree, want to be there-- if only because Tobirama Senju might be talented but he is also 18 at the time and nowhere near the height of his power. And Team Ro is many things, but unskilled is NOT one of them)

I forgot Tobirama knew ab the time travel for a sec and pictured him looking at Sasuke, this little clone of Izuna, and going "Hmm. You look exactly like my rival does and no doubt belong to the Uchiha main house."

"Does this mean you'll give us to the uch--"

"No."

(Finders keepers !!)

"Madara, the most uchiha uchiha in who knows how long before itachi and sasuke came along to give him a run for his money" is so fucking funny actually, I am internalizing that line and will probably suddenly think about it later at work and giggle to myself, I can already tell

If Izuna and Hashirama are both being little bitch boys in this I do need to advocate that they should totally get to kiss and be little bitch boys ✨ together ✨(the hashiizu agenda never dies) (let them begrudgingly get a drink together--though its Izuna who does most of the begrudging--get drunk while whining about their brothers, and then share a very ill advised kiss or two that Izuna will now deny ever happened till the day he dies)

I still think Tenzo should get to bond with Hashirama bc I love them getting to interact, but Im hearing your 'bad brother Hashirama' vibes for this spin off and nodding respectfully, so like. Maybe Hashirama can be sad about Tobirama monopolizing Tenzo, literally THE only other Mokuton user in the world's time, and be mad ab that too? I dont usually write explicitly bad brother Hashirama so I'm not too good at proposing how that could go tbh but I love the soap opera / dogblood drama vibes, it's so fun

I do think that some of team Ro could be useful at the peace talk / village planning meetings if they spoke up !!

Itachi may be young but is clan heir, and no doubt knows most of the modern day clan laws that Konoha would one day put in place, so he can suggest those knowing that it's what they'd eventually land on anyways.

Meanwhile Kakashi is the student of a Hokage, who watched over the shoulder of two different Hokage's, from ages 13 to present, so he absolutely knows a thing or ten about politics and running a village (at least from an outsiders perspective) Which. Actually technically makes him the most eligible / knowledgeable person like. In all of the peace talks when it comes to running a village which is fascinating. I'm jotting that one down to reference later in my original team ro time travel fic actually, there's a lot that can be done with that

ALSO !! If this is the 'team ro time travels to warring states era' au but like, with the team ro that defected from Konoha, they totally have Opinions(tm) about Konoha, which is so fun. I feel like Shisui has the sort of personality where he might actually be vocal about things when it comes to founding Konoha.

The way that the team stood whenthey left the village, Shisui and Itachi were both still majority village loyalists (though their loyalty had been deeply shaken)

Tenzo was high key "whatever my teamamtes say I will follow" but still has Konoha's roots buried deep into his heart.

Kakashi was the most complex-- the only one who it could truly be said was against the village, and for that I think he's interesting to play with and has motivation to get inolved in village making-- or the opposite; Want nothing to do with it.

IM YELLING ACTUALLY AT TEAM RO GENRE CHANGE THTS SO FUNNY

It was actually never time travel, it was straight up dimension travel. They fr went from a grimdark angst fic to a silly fluffy cracky fuckin, blessed eyes au where Tobirama is actually secretly a Good Boi(tm) and his indescribable riz and way with children make Madara forget about the whole mutual genocide thing

(Plot twist: Izuna and Hashirama arent actually bad brothers, they're just not aware of the genre they're in and reacting accordingly to their brothers doing a sudden 180 and ending the war with the ✨power of love ✨ and also adopting several teenagers (some of which are literally their age) who appeared out of nowhere, have no credentials, two of which are technically CONFIRMED BLOODLINE THEIVES (Kakashi willing and Tenzo unwilling, lab grown mokuton stolen from Hashirama's dna is STILL BLOODLINE THEFT, thanks Orochimaru) and are losing their GODDAMN MINDS over the turn of events)

Anyways this whole thing was a riot, I loved it and u are a master at silly fluff and comedy, I had a lot of fun reading what you sent me !!!

Ik u were aiming for silly fun so I hope my additions didnt take anything too seriously, I am in my shinobi politics 'writing everything as being played straight' era, so tried my best to stick with silly fluffy fun time comments instead of tripping and falling into the political implications of, like, a disillusioned with Konoha nukenin Kakashi, at the age where he was near his most depressed and apathetic, who is also technically the most qualified person in Fire to discuss making a village, being let in on village planning with implicit backing from both the Uchiha head and Senju heir. Or how itachi in the original (non nukenin) au was down to kill Madara, but the him in this au now has even more motivation to do it. N other fun implications like that

BUT LIKE I LOVE THE FLUFF I LOVE THE SILLY

politics free zone !!! we are not making eyecontact with the drama bc this is team Ro's vacation, actually

anyways THANK YOU FOR SENDING ME SUCH A WONDERFUL AND DETAILED ASK !!! UR BRAIN IS SO BIG FOR IT, I HAD SO MUCH FUN READING IT AND THINKING ABOUT IT AND IM SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG TO REPLY TO AND I JUST HOPE I REPLIED WELL ENOUGH SDKFJHDSFJKDSHFJSDk

umm and then they all lived happily ever after, the end

[nortism]

What the Ghosts have been watching on TV

Everyone

Channel 4 Home renovation shows: They're free with ads and there's an infinite amount of them so Alison puts them on for the whole gang when she and Mike have work to do in same way people put on YouTube videos for their dogs. This has backfired slightly as all the ghosts now have very strong and conflicting opinions on how Button House should be renovated.

The Great British Bake-off: A whole family event, they all get very invested. Kitty thinks Alison Hammond is the funniest person in the world. The Captain feels normal about Noel Fielding. As well as a watching it live, I'm sure they've also watched the whole back catalogue together.

Mama Mia: This where the Captain learnt his ABBA songs from. Pat and Julian enjoy the nostalgic music and I think the others are just bewitched by the story and music

Robin

Anything David Attenborough: For obvious reasons. I think he'd get a kick out of trying to do his voice. The others sometimes join in.

Cunk on Earth/ Britain: I think they've got a similar attitude towards history and I think he'd find serious historians trying to answer silly questions incredibly funny

Horrible Histories: He watches this with Kitty, they both find poop jokes funny.

Humphrey

Antiques Roadshow: I'm not sure why. I honestly think he's just glad to watch anything.

Mary

Gardener's World: I think she misses being able to look after plants and I think she'd be endlessly fascinated by how hosepipes work.

Mio Mao: She loves them fucking plasticine cats. She will not stop singing the theme song

Honestly think she'll watch anything with anyone and would get invested, she seems like the ideal person to watch telly with.

Kitty

Ru Paul's Drag Race: I think they all watch this every so often but Kitty is invested. There's bright colours, fun outfits and drama, it's definitely Alison's go to when she needs Kitty distracted.

90s and 2000s romcoms: I believe that every couple of weeks Alison and Kitty have a "girl's night" where they watch all the romcoms that Alison used to watch with her mum, mostly because I love watching romcoms with my mum and Kitty deserves that. Kitty is particularly fond of Twilight.

Thomas:

Any Jane Austen adaptations: He watches them with Fanny as they were both big fans when they were alive (its the only thing they agree on). Kitty also joins sometimes. His favourite is the 1995 Pride and Prejudice tv show.

Fanny:

Grey's Anatomy: I haven't seen it but my mum's a big fan and there's millions of seasons, I think she'd pretend she's not that into it but she definitely is.

Call the Midwife: Same as above.

The Captain:

M*A*S*H: I've seen about half an episode of this but it seems to be about fit young men in a war so it sounds like his thing. Probably Pat's recommendation.

Our Flag Means Death: I think Alison has been trying to sneakily show Cap gay media under the pretence of saying "it's just a fun show about pirates". I think the whole gang watched it together. The Captain definitely didn't cry at the end of season 1 why would think that?

Pat

Taskmaster: I think this is one they all watch together but it's definitely one of Pat's favourites. He probably attempted to set up his own version of the show with the ghost which ended horribly.

Doctor Who: I think he watched the original run when he was alive and was absolutely ecstatic to find out they made more. Julian makes fun of him for it.

Julian

Have I Got News For You: Has been airing since 1990 so he definitely watched it while he was alive. I think he likes to keep up with current politics but not in a very serious way so this is his middle ground.

Succession: I haven't seen this show but it seems to be about horrible men in suits being horrible to each other which seems right up his alley.

The Thick of It: Speaking of horrible men in suits being horrible. I think he watches this with Robin who has absolutely no idea what's going on but just laughs when Julian does and they have the best time. Julian is constantly pausing to add his own anecdotes

What We Do In The Shadows: Alison put this on as a 'let's show the Captain it's ok to be gay' show and the Captain was immediately horrified so Julian adopted it. He identifies with Lazlo.

[thosewildcharms]

towl 1x03 thoughts

rick is REALLY going through it trying to keep michonne alive by out maneuvering jadis AND thorne AND michonne herself because she fails horrendously at acting like she's not the most impressive person in the world AND trying not to have an aneurysm about all of that at the same time

speaking of rick you can't tell her to lie low and then eyefuck her in public every time you see her you are equally bad at this

equally you should probably stop kissing her every chance you get if you want her to believe you want her to leave lol

by contrast michonne screaming at him with her eyes while simultaneously giving him the silent treatment because she's actually too pissed off to yell at him? danai the actress you are!!!!!!!

also!!! the fact that rick thinks he can say "if you love me, you'll go" would actually make her leave is crazy. he has no idea how much that woman loves him! that's why she just smiled angrily at him because ACTUALLY. the reality is that she loves him way TOO much to ever leave him behind. that's WHY she's even here, in fact!!! he's not used to people fighting for him like this :(

michonne ripping that helmet off his head so hard i thought his head might come off with it had me cackling but also rick is stronger than me because I'd be on my knees

"you're a hero. with a shit haircut" I screamed he hates jadis so much it's so funny fdjaslkf

speaking of which I wonder if the freaks who think there is genuine sexual tension between rick and jadis caught his look of absolute disgust as he physically recoiled from her when she sexually harassed him for the 100th time. girl he's not gonna fuck you

CARL MENTION HELP

"He told me he'd find you. He found you." "Now I'm looking for him." MAYBE STOP MAKING ME CRY PERHAPS

one thing about rick and michonne they WILL find a minute to make out for a bit. and because andy and danai are EPs now they will do it with tongue while extremely well-lit! it's like they heard the complaints from the mothership and addressed them by kissing at least once per episode in broad daylight they love us

rich and michonne effortlessly fighting side by side and getting shit done after almost a decade apart because they are ACTUAL soulmates

the parallel between pearl aiming her gun at michonne and shane aiming his gun at rick in season 2 because they both feel threatened!!! big difference of course being that rick is there to literally put himself in the crosshairs to protect her

michonne staring rick down in a a turbulent helicopter and then abruptly yeeting them both into a raging storm because she is fed up with his shit is the funniest, most unhinged thing I've ever seen I love her so much

this show is fucking insane I love it. I'm still wary of how it will all end but I'm enjoying the hell out of it until we get there

[sanjifucker42069]

Hit Me? Sanji x Reader

Word count: about 1.2k 

Bro….the dodgeball game…sanji is so stupid, pathetic wet cat of a man coded...I wanted to throttle him. I want to hit this man with my 2003 ford prius yoda style. I want to chew on him like a squeaky toy

Warnings: fem!reader, heavy handed teasing, you wanna make sanji cry apparently, VERY SUGGESTIVE, use of the word cock lol, semi-nsfw, no fucking tho…unless? 👀👀👀 sanji might be semi ooc, I am obsessed with the idea of a reader that sanji doesn't have the usual chivalry towards?? Like bless him he'd try, but you're just such a shit.

“Why yeah it'd be my pleasure ma'am, you can hit me wherever you like!”

Oh. Now wasn't that intriguing?

-----

Sanji sulked on the sidelines, fiddling with a lightly crumpled cigarette. Taking pity on him you sat down next to him. Sanji shot you a lazy grin, one that didn't quite reach his eyes. You smiled back, lightly pushing his shoulder.

“I should be mad at you, you could cost us the match.” You joked. Sanji grumbled, his words unintelligible. He could barely make out that ‘you wouldn't understand’ and ‘that he was weak okay!’

You laughed, eyes turning back to watch the match in front of you. You didn't feel too defeated, you trusted your captain. 

“It's okay Ji. I don't think anyone could've gotten out faster than I did! You still did good!”

Sanji turned to you, hearts dancing in his eyes. “And who would dare throw balls at such beauty?! A lovely lady such as yourself shouldn't have even had to partake in such a barbaric display.”

“You saying I can't handle some balls? I happen to be very good at handling them.” You teased. The result was instantaneous, Sanji biting back a perverted laugh, a cute blush on his cheeks.

“Oh angel, really? I didn't expect you to be so saucy.”

There were many things that were undeniably true about you; You were in no way one of the stronger straw hats, you loved a good dirty joke, and you loved nothing more than making your little love cook squirm. If Sanji wanted to pretend all women were angels capable of no wrong, well, who were you to take advantage of that?

You feigned innocence, even cocking your head. “What do you mean? I didn't drop it once.”  

Sanji squirmed, avoiding your gaze. You wanted to crack and snort loudly at his cute face. Instead you pursed your lips in thought.

“Love! I…uh-” he cut off when you couldn't hold it in anymore, a raucous laugh escaping you. He watched you slap your knee like it was the funniest thing in the world. He pouted. “(Name) that's not fair.”

“Oh relax, you big baby.” You cooed. 

A steady silence resumed between you two, watching the match with bated breath. Things weren't looking so good. As the enemies advanced on Zoro, Chopper, and Luffy, so did you with your own attack.

“So.” You began. Sanji hummed in acknowledgement, eyes focused on the field. You paused. Was this really the time to flirt with the man? Probably not, but you were nothing if not an opportunist. You grinned at him, exaggerating his swooning.

“It'd be my pleasure ma'am, you can hit me wherever you like, hmm?”

‘You were a lady!’ Sanji reminded himself, trying to bite back a growl. You just loved to get under his skin, didn't you? He was flushed in embarrassment. It's not like he wanted to lose the match! It's not his fault he had a weakness for pretty women! 

The crowd was aroar, you could hear your crew shouting. Oh. Zoro was out. Sanji began yelling at the swordsman, before he turned his attention back to you.

“So?” Sanji tried to sound unaffected. Your cute giggles reached his ears. Seriously! You were such a little tease, so cute, but so unattainable. You seemed to love riling him up, and he wanted nothing more than to make you his. He wasn't used to women not only reciprocating, but flirting back at a rate that made him dizzy. 

Honestly, the both of you needed to stop being cowards and just confess already.

“Who's the ‘saucy’ one now? You're out here parading your little masochist streak.”

“I am not!” He blustered.

“Where were you hoping they'd hit anyway?” You purred out the question. Sanji tried ignoring you, focusing on the match, but he was one man! One currently very weak man.

You pouted. “I was just joking, Ji. Your kinks are your own. I'm not here to shame you for it.”

“It's not a kink!” He argued. You were relishing this. Sanji was always such a gentleman, so giving and dedicated to worshipping women. And yet, you, you were one of the only women you'd ever seen him snap at and lose his cool with, his hot temper getting the better of him.

Taking advantage of this you leant closer, your thighs touching. Sanji snapped out of his anger, eyes darting to where your half naked leg pressed against his long suit trouser-clad one. Too caught up in where you were touching him, he didn't notice how close your lips were to his ear.

“So you wouldn't like it if that pretty Porche lady pelted you with those dodgeballs? Or tied you up? Or manhandled you to make you be a good boy?”

Sanji was sweating, his heart eyes betraying him. Yeah, you knew your chef. You dropped your voice lower, bracing one hand on his chest.

“Forget hitting, what if she stepped on you? Would you like that, Sanji?”

The man in question whined, quiet pants escaped him, his eyes swirling with lust. He let his eyes fall closed, the dodgeball match long forgotten. Bingo! You felt yourself grow wet. Yes, you were a bad guy! It's just so easy to rile him up. Besides, Sanji would never spare you a passing glance, clear that you annoyed him. So what was the harm in airing out your frustrations like this?

“Love.” He gulped, shuffling around to change how he sat. You grinned at him wickedly. His reactions were so cute, you definitely overstepped the line.

“You didn't answer the question, cook. What if she stepped on your cock, hmm? Only lightly, of course, wouldn't wanna damage the goods.”

Sanji made a noise halfway between a groan and a choking sound, his hand darting up to grab the one you had pressed against his chest. You startled. You could see it in his eyes, the disgust, that unmistakable look of discomfort. Of course he wouldn't want to discuss this kind of stuff with you! You were one of the guys!

“Shit.” You withdrew your hand, not noticing how Sanji's tried to grab you. You'd definitely overstepped the line! “I'm so sorry Sanji, that was completely uncalled for.”

“Love.” He rasped. You were flustered, trying desperately not to stare at him.

The crowd was aroar, people around you jumping and shouting. You looked for a way out. 

Wait? What the fuck?

A brown ball of fluff was lying crumpled on the court lines. 

“Chopper! Oh shit!” You yelled, hurriedly getting to your feet. “Sanji I'm so sorry, I- you can yell at me about this later, I promise.” 

Sanji watched you speed off, hurriedly running to their youngest member. He sighed out a breath he didn't realise he was holding. You were going to be the death of him! You'd made him so hard, so quick, and then, like a true tease dashed off before he could properly engage anything. When would you realise that it was you he wanted to treat him like that?

Later? 

Yeah. Yeah he could yell about it later. 

Right now, he needed a fucking smoke and a cold shower.

-----------

Looks like lingerie part 3 is coming i promise ;-; I'm just having trouble writing it ;-; here's a little drabble instead I do have SOOOOO many drabbles I've worked on in the mean time though?

[achillean-knight]

Woe, doodles be upon ye

HC's below the cut if you're absolutely interested in my Spiderverse Noir HC's + his world 👉👈

First the ones I agree with that I've seen a shit ton of people mention >:33

- He is a fatherly figure to Peni. I can imagine when they see each other again, she'd run to him and give him the biggest fucking hug ever. She experienced her Canon Event between ITSV and ATSV too, right? So I can see her needing comfort so badly, and the only ones she ever truly grew close to were Noir and Ham.

- He'd 10000/10 get along so well with Hobie. Along with Hobie legit mentioning his hatred for the AM, PM and fuckin NAZIS IN THE COMIC ,

he'd be rambling so much with Noir about common interests and get along so well with him. Imagine he badazzles him in punk attire and based on this image:

(I'll link where I found the image tomorrow when I'm on my laptop lol if I remember) but based on this image, he teaches Noir how to play the guitar and shit and OUYGG I WANNA SEE THEM INTERACT (they're my fave Spiderverse characters so 👉👈)

- OHOHOHO He loves the colour purple. So much. He can't see it, ofc but he has such a love for the colour that he sees any beautiful colour- or well, of what he can see of colours, and thinks every pretty colour is Purple.

- MJ see's Noir/Peter as a brother and he see's MJ as a sister in turn. There is no romantic attraction at all. Yeah, this means MJ see's Aunt May as a nice Aunt Figure she can go to and talk to about things.

Now onto some of my own headcanons- or some that I don't see mentioned a ton. These have probably been said before but oh well, these are just what I like and my brain go BRRR

- Felicia is taller then Noir. (For those unfamiliar, Felicia is a character from the comic.) Yes that'd probably make her freakishly tall based on how tall Noir is in the movie, but that comic panel of when he first meets her rots in my brain.

- Felicia still has her mask from her ordeals. However, unlike how she pushes away Peter, they actually become friends again. Comfort each other. They swore they'd never be in a relationship again.

- Noir is a combo of both his OG comics personality and 2020's comics personality. I see movie noir as anywhere between 19 - 21. He's learning and developing as a human still. He's calmer and kinder and resembles how his personality is in the newer comics, however, based on this deleted scene LOL, makes me think he looses his shit easily and goes actually feral.

(here's the link to where I found the video BC I actually saved the link lol yeah it's reblogged by yours truly, but the full post is there.)

- Oh yeah, Noir most definitely adopted Ding Ding btw. He probably is nearly at the newer comics stage of his life, being a private eye and such, drinking his fucking egg creams like newer comics noir SBSBBS So he found and adopted Ding Ding.

- Despite being young (19 - 21) he has serious eyebags man, dudes sleep deprived 😔 I'm also heavy on the Spiderverse portrait of him unmasked that I don't really draw/see him with facial scars but he could totally have them after the shit he went through 💀

- Noir is a part-time singer. I will not elaborate.

There's so many other things I wrote down that I want to share, but they're on my computer 😭 so you get these for now hhhh

Sorry if they're half-assed, it's 10:30 pm, I am tired

[runningincircl3s]

Nothing Ever After

Noah Sebastian x Reader x Vinny Mauro

Chapter Eleven

chapter warnings: NSFW!! half of this chapter is basically just smut lmao

apologies for the short chapter! the next few are pretty long so that'll make up for it :) once again a smut warning comes with a warning that i simply can't reread my own smut haha, so please ignore any mistakes!! happy monday :)

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

You were left utterly speechless, you didn’t have anything to say to that and before you even had time to think of something to say back, he had taken his drinks and left. As much as you wanted to play along with whatever game he's playing, you couldn't deny that you felt guilty. You were hurting, and so was he, but you didn't know what to do to fix it.

As you walked back with all the drinks, you couldn’t help but roll your eyes as Caitlin laughed at something Vinny said, acting like it was the funniest thing in the world. 

“After we finish our drinks,” you whisper to Noah as you sit back down beside him, “Why don’t we go back to the hotel? I’ll say I feel tired and you could say you’ve got a call you need to take…”

“They’ll still be suspicious,” he says, “Let's just wait until we’re done here, okay? We've got nothing else on for the rest of the day, it'll be just you and me. All night.” He smiles, his hand rubbing up and down your thigh, sending shivers through your body, but you nod your head. 

“It’s Bryan’s turn!” Nicholas cheered, turning his camera on to Bryan, "So far Noah's in the lead, Chris is pretty close and so is y/n! It's gonna be a close one."

“I don’t know why I’m still playing, I’ve already lost. You guys are all 50 points above me!” Bryan chuckled as he got up.

"C'mon, Bry, it's all just for fun." You smiled, and he shook his head as he went up to bowl.

In the end, you and Chris had the most points, and you only needed to score higher than 7 to beat him. He jokingly gave you a sly look as you got up, taking your turn. 

As you rolled the ball, you hit 5 pins in the left corner. You knew you had this in the bag! You’d easily beat Chris, there was no doubt. 

You rolled the second ball, and hit 4, leaving one in the middle, yet winning the game! 

You turned around, smiling as the guys cheered for you, all except Vin who was talking to Caitlin. You walked back to your seat, grabbing your bag and your phone, finishing your drink and grabbing Noah by the hand to pull him up. 

“My room or yours?” You asked, tilting your head as you looked up at him. 

“It’s gotta be yours, doll. I’m sharing with Matt tonight.” He whispered.

“Cool, let him know you’re coming to my room to look at the pictures I took, to see if any of them are official page worthy.” You smiled, “I’ll text you my room number.”

As you began to walk off after saying your goodbyes to the guys, who were staying behind for one more drink, you accidently bump into Caitlin as she digs through her bag for something.

"Sorry!" You gasps, and you smile, shaking your head.

"Don't worry about it," you notice how Vinny was at the bar with a couple of the guys, so you took the slither of time you've got to talk to her, "So how do you know Vin?"

"He followed me on instagram a few years ago, he'd always like my posts and reply to my stories. We try to meet up whenever we can- it's nothing like that though, we're just friends... Unless we're drunk in his hotel room." She giggles, and you smile and nod your head.

"Well, it's been great to meet you!" You say as you take a deep breath. You weren't jealous, why would you be jealous? She's a beautiful girl, he's a beautiful guy, of course they're going to get up to all sorts of things when they're alone.

So why were you so mad that they had a history, or that he invited her along today?

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

“Fuck,” Noah groaned as you grabbed a handful of his tshirt, “I never thought this moment would come, where I’d have you all to myself.” 

You grinned against the skin of his neck, where you were peppering kisses before you felt the back of your legs hit the bed. You wiggled your way up, your head now against the pillows as Noah hovered over you, the most devilish look on your face. 

“You beat all our asses out there, didn’t you, beautiful?” He slips his hand under the sweater you were wearing, feeling your bare skin beneath his fingertips, “I don’t know whether to reward you for doing so well, or teach you a lesson for being so cocky earlier.” 

When you thought his hand would travel higher towards your bra, he surprised you, his hand moved lower, and you felt it slip under your skirt, under the hip of your underwear and rested it there, his thumb tracing over your pubic bone. 

“But you’ve been working so hard for us, I think it’s only fair that I say thank you.” He added, before asking permission to take your panties off. 

He moved his way down your body, your sweater now pushed up, exposing your tummy where he kissed a trail down to your thighs, yet he insisted your skirt stayed on. You knew what you were doing when you got dressed this morning, part of you wore it to tease him, and although you wouldn’t let yourself admit it, part of you wore it to tease Vinny too. 

You felt bad for him, knowing how you let him down, but you suddenly stopped thinking about Vin when you felt Noah’s tongue on your clit, kissing, licking, nipping and sucking as you threw your head back, strings of moans leaving your lips as you melted into the pleasure, letting it consume you. 

“So fucking gorgeous, you know that?” You heard him say. 

As his mouth worked on you, his hand moved its way to where you needed him. He teased your hole with his thumb, slipping the tip in before pulling back out, leaving you clenching around nothing as he smirked against your clit. 

“Noah, please,” you begged, breathlessly, “I need you, stop teasing.” 

“I know, baby, look how wet you are,” he said, pushing himself up slightly as he ran his finger teasingly slow through your folds, collecting the slickness before he took his finger into his mouth, “Bet it’s been a while since you’ve been fucked, hasn’t it? Poor thing.” He pouted before he dove back in. 

“Oh my g-” You slapped one hand over your mouth as the other tugged on his hair, you swore you felt him groan into your pussy as he brought his hand back up, his pointer finger slipping into you with ease, followed by his middle finger. "Fuck!"

His fingers fucked into you slowly, too slowly, but he knew how good it was making you feel and the noises you made as you were begging for more was music to his ears. He takes your thighs and places them over his shoulders as he sucks on your clit, his fingers curling into you, rubbing the spot you could never reach alone. He needed to see you come undone for him, he needed to watch your break in his hands 

He pulls his face back to kiss your thighs, the rough pad of his thumb now stroking circles over your clit, the slight stubble on his chin tickling you as sinks his teeth into your soft flesh, losing himself in the pleasure he was giving you. 

“I’m so close,” you tell him, “I’m gonna-”

“Go on, baby,” he tells you between kisses to your clit as , “Need to see how pretty you look when you cum, my pretty girl.” He mumbled into your flesh, as you felt your thighs tremble around him. 

It didn’t take long for you to finish, your walls clamping down around Noah’s fingers as he moaned into your skin. Even after your orgasm hit, he didn’t move, he remained between your thighs until you had to force him off, the overstimulation becoming too much to handle. When he finally came up, he roughly grabbed your cheek in his hand, crashing his lips into yours as he moved up, kneeling between your thighs, you could finally feel how hard he was, and you were almost certain he had gone commando today. 

“Noah…” You panted, your forehead slightly damp with sweat as he rested his against it, “Fuck me.”

“Anything you want, angel.” He smirked, and you felt his hands reach for the hem of your sweater, pulling it over your head, his lips parting at the fact you weren’t wearing a bra. As he took one of your boobs into his hand, you worked on undressing him. 

“It’s not fair that you’ve still got all your clothes on.” You tell him as his fingers tease your nipple. 

“I’m sorry, baby.” He says, slowly pulling back as he pulls his shirt over his head, revealing his fully tattooed chest, then pulling a condom out of his pocket before pushing his joggers down- and you were right, he wasn’t wearing any boxers. “That better?” He asked, leaning back down to kiss you again. 

As you kissed, you felt his hips twitching involuntarily, his cock rubbing against your heat as you desperately tried to get more from him. 

“Noah, please…” You begged, “please fuck me, I need to feel you…”

"You're so pretty when you're begging, baby." He teases. “Are you sure?” He was watching how frustrated and flustered you were as you screwed your eyes shut and tried rocking your hips, needing more. 

“Yes!” You whined, and he pulled back, you guessed to roll the condom on, and with no warning, you felt the head of his cock nudge against your walls as inch by inch he filled you up. You felt as tears fill your eyes, the pleasure from his cock filling you so perfectly mixed with the dull ache from the stretch and the pain of him remaining so still inside you. 

He slowly began to move, his hand holding you down by your waist as the other pulled your legs to wrap around him, letting him fuck deeper into you as you cursed his name, your nails digging into his back. 

After a while in this position, Noah flipped you over onto your stomach, and he reached down to position you with your ass up for him whilst your face was buried in the pillows. He continued to fuck you like this until you came for the second time, muttering incoherent nonsense as your second orgasm took over you, but judging by the look in Noah’s eyes, he still wasn’t done.

He had you in every position, on every surface of your hotel room. From the bed to the desk in the corner, to the bathroom sink where he made you watch as you fell apart for him. You lost count of how many times you came, but just when you thought he was done, you were flipped over or lied down as he drove back into you, or got on knees to clean you up.

Hours had passed at this point, and the two of you were finally lying together on the bed, your limbs sore and your heart beating erratically as his fingers danced over the skin of your arm, holding you close with your head resting on his chest.

There were moments during your night together where you were using sex to release your built up frustration towards Vinny, knowing how much he would hate to know what you and Noah were up to, but you assumed he would be doing the same with Caitlin later so you assumed he wouldn't care.

"You okay?" Noah asked, gently twirling a piece of your hair before tucking it behind your ear.

"Yeah," you smile, tracing the outline of his stomach tattoo with your finger, trailing to just above his belly button, "I can't believe we just did that."

"I don't think I've ever lasted so long." He chuckled.

"Don't you go to the gym now? Your stamina would've improved." You point out, and he smirks.

"Yeah, I've been seeing the way you stare at me," he rubs his hand up and down his arm, "Don't think I don't notice, angel."

"Can you blame me?" You tilt your head to look up at him, "The last time I saw you, it looked like it would take one strong gust of wind to blow you over- and I mean that in the nicest way possible, that's literally my type- and now you look like you could bench press me?"

"So you're saying I'm your type?" He raised an eyebrow, a smug look across his face as you sat yourself up.

"No!" You tried to hide your smile.

"So what is your type?" He asked, his eyes meeting yours as he awaited your answer, but this only caused you to blush.

"I don't often like someone for their looks, it's always their personality. Someone funny, a bit of a nerd, has the same music taste as me, who stands for the right things... Someone who doesn't care about what other people think of them. That's what I find attractive."

"Y'know you basically just described me, y/n." He smirked.

And Vinny.

"Shut up!" You smiled, "So what's your type?"

He thought for a moment, and you thought he was going to give you an honest answer, but then he started describing you. Your height, your hair colour, your body shape, your eye colour, before you interrupted.

"Noah, I'm being serious!"

"You think I'm lying? What have we been doing for the past three hours, princess?"

"You... Really like me?"

"You haven't noticed?"

"Oh, Noah." You frowned, and he reached out to pull you back onto his chest.

-----------------------------

team vinny we might not be up right now but trust me everything's gonna change in the next chapter <3

@rumoured-whispers @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard @lma1986 @thisbicc @dominuslunae @miss570 @miamore0570 @jilliemiw86 @itsyaboinoah

[milkywaydrabbles]

Thinking heavy thoughts of Geto constantly pushing your buttons because he likes to get a rise out of you. You're so cute when you're huffing at him. He can't help but want to get you riled up.

Geto would pick on you for your height, how you're just so much smaller than he is. He'd put things completely out of your reach, smirking down at you when dangling your phone above your head.

"Geto, this isn't fucking funny" you'd yell at him. But it was funny. To him it was the funniest thing in the world.

But it also turned him on, seeing you so feisty. That's why he did it. So see you fired up cursing at him. He wanted more than anything to get you so angry and then tear you down bit by bit underneath him.

Geto who was a bully, but only because he wants you compliant and melting under his touch so he can tease you some more. "I thought you were so angry, what happened?" He would coo at you, bullying his cock into your tight hole.

Geto who wants to see you cry in pleasure underneath him, admitting that no, you're not mad at him and that yes, it does feel so so good.

Geto who wants to make you fully his, even if you don't know it

[kerubimcrepin]

Wakfu OVA - Book 3, Dragon Mountain [PART 1]

Amalia he is handing you all out the Twelvian equivalent of six nuclear devices.

Amalia: [asks Joris]

Kerubim: [replies instead of Joris]

Second most batshit thing he's doing after the whole "speaking over him in private" thing. He's so evil dad energy.

Joris having to do the thing most of us know as "mom stooop she already got it."

AND after Keke stops talking he starts answering the question she asked him himself.

Once again, what seems like a normal interaction to most, is a goldmine to me.

Literally the funniest possible thing a guy who keeps losing Dofus, and had to stop being Ebony's guardian due to "interpersonal issues with the dragon", can say.

I never mentioned this previously, but one really cool detail is that even though he probably can't use them, the Dofus do react to Joris's touch — thanks to his dragonized nature.

Since the OVAs came out before the movie, this drove a lot of people a little bit crazy.

Big fan of Atch and Keke standing silently and looking vaguely worried about things.

I'M INSANE.

OF COURSE KERUBIM CREPIN WOULD REACT TO THIS. HE'S DAD.

I can read into things soooo well. I can read into them so easily. It comes like breathing to me.

[puts on tinfoil hat] Yes Kerubim wants to come back home together with Atcham and Joris, but also, Kerubim is seen pushing Joris towards his responsibilities, so I wonder if he feels a sense of guilt for the person Joris has become (guy who will die if he isn't saving the world).

lL;sdf;epor21301;;;; aksdkmaljwijahcfaw j

Anyway, I'm liking the fact that Kerubim and Atcham decided not to come with. Letting Joris have fun (type 3 fun, to be exact) with his friends <3 without making him feel weird by hovering around.

I have thought for years what Joris allowing Yugo to risk the end of the world for Tristepin might mean for his character. It doesn't feel out of character, far from it, — though it would be just as in-character if he was (softly) against this.

I think it's just one of Joris's many multitudes. He has very strong ("strong") morals, until people he cares about are involved.

Besides that, as someone who was alive before Ogrest's Chaos, I do think he'd love for the flooding of the world to stop, which might also be a factor in him not resisting the Brotherhood of Tofu's dangerous decisions here.

Just like OVA 2 was win after win after win after win for Crepinjurgenites, I think this OVA is kind of a big win for Adamai and Yugo fans.

Anyway the way Joris and Ruel are watching this happen is so fucking funny I can't. They really said 😬 and 😐

Joris hesitates before joining in.... because he's not a part of their friend group (but he wishes he were)

Personally, I think he joined in after seeing Otomai do so. It felt less awkward/presumptious. We don't see him lay his hand on Ruel — it cuts away to Otomai before that happens, which makes me consider this possibility.

OVA 3 makes me wish for an alternate season 3 that doesn't suck ass and actually handles Adamai's arc well. My suffering is so real and poignant.

THAT'S WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT. HE WAS SILENTLY STANDING THERE THINKING "Adamai is right though..." and doing NOTHING. Because he's sick in the head.

GET SCARED.

When I first watched the OVAs, I thought that these were all his past lives, and not the fucking Eliotropes. I wish life was kinder 😔

Joris "50 traumagenic psychological disorders" Jurgen ready to attack things at the drop of a hat like a wild animal.

Cutie-patootie shielding his eyes and groaning all pissed off at Yugo for doing whatever scary shit he just did.

Staring at Otomai.

While Otomai is staring at him.

He replies to her as if his own reaction to this wasn't O_O

Ngl I feel like having Grougalorasalar (the #coguette #female manipulator dragon), Dardondakal (??? the cringe warcrime dragon), and Goultard's Gay Lover Doomed By The Narrative inside your head would give anyone brainrot that leads them to cause an apocalypse to happen.

AND there are three other guys in there. And all six of them are eating holes into his brain.

Your honor, Ogrest just had a silly little time and we should forgive him for it.

[clears throat and approaches the mic] Ogrest and Otomai are good but. What if another father-son duo also had a scene where the son threatens to hurt his father if he doesn't leave him alone. Wouldn't it be cool. Haha. There are tons of father-son duos in this franchise! Tumblr user @jorisjurgen, also known as @kerubimcrepin, is not pointing at any pair of characters in particular — I just think a son should threaten to kill his father at least once more in this franchise.

[malum-forev]

"Who did this to you?" For the bingo plz & thank you!💕

Bby girl, ask and you shall receive! This is a Mafia!40's!Bucky x MobBossDaughter!Reader. Think the godfather style when you read this! I think this is one of my favorite things I've written, and I hope you like it too!

 You were running, your heightened senses making everything around you feel like a series of photographs. Snapshots taken to reduce space in your mind after your fight or flight response.

You weren’t supposed to be here, if you’d only listened to your father’s overprotective words or at least listened to his nagging nanny- your father had scolded you many times telling you not to call Bucky that but whenever the two of you were behind closed doors he would laugh, calling you the funniest woman he'd ever met- you wouldn’t be in this position. 

Your feet ached, blisters were sure to form, your heels were definitely not made for this kind of activity. You looked down at the shiny leather shoes, gromets now vacant where a bow used to be tied. It must have fallen off somewhere on the way, your fleeing movements loosening the knot.

You turned the corner and finally saw your house, the four-story Brownstone had only two lights turned on. You looked down at your broken watch, your first attempt to flee your “date” if you could even call him that, it marked ten past eleven and that was hours ago. It pained you to admit that Bucky was right, he’d warned you thousands of times that the Walker family was not to be trusted. 

“Even though there is peace today, it doesn’t assure you it will be that way tomorrow.” Bucky had told you once after you’d said you were considering accepting a date from the family’s oldest son. “Remember your position in this family and in this world, then consider their true intentions.”

But you’d only rolled your eyes at his remarks. “I believe you are the one who should remember his position in this family and in this world.” You came closer to him, his towering height did not intimidate you. The two of you had virtually grown up together. He was ten years your senior, making everyone around you think you were as close as siblings but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. A brother should never think of his sister the way Bucky thought of you whenever he let his mind roam to that place he shouldn't. You smoothed the lapels on his three-piece dark wool suit, you flattened your palms on his firm chest and dragged them down slowly. He took in a sharp breath as your hands inched down below his belt and stopped parallel to where he desired you the most. Your fingers twitched as if they had a mind of their own, wanting to get closer to him, closer to the part of him that made him masculine. 

You ripped your hands from his hips and took his right hand, you rested it on your palm and your other hand toyed with the signet ring on his pinky finger. The gold shone against his skin, your family’s crest forever imprinted on it. Your father’s wish to have had a male heir would linger as long as the ring lived. There was no amount of duties you could complete that would let your father pass his empire down to you. A stinging truth that made you curse having been born as a woman. 

“Did you make a vow of chastity when my father picked you up from the streets?” Your voice was calm as you rubbed your finger on the gold ring. “Or is it just your terrible personality that forbids you from making a woman climax?”

Bucky chuckled, low and throaty. “The only vow I made your father, was to never fuck his darling little girl.”

“Hm.” Was the only thing you said, dropping his hand and leaving the room. 

You climbed up the steps to your home almost having to drag your body, the exhaustion of sprinting what felt like hours catching up to you. You slowly turned your key, trying to make the smallest amount of noise and stepped inside. There was the faint sound of a record playing and light chatter coming from your father’s study. But as you were about to walk up the stairs to your bedroom and finally put an end to this abhorrent night, the door opened. In a panic, you quickly hid in the coat closet. 

“That’s it for tonight, James.” You heard your father say. “I better get upstairs before I’m sent to the doghouse.”

“Good night, Sir.” Bucky responded. 

You leaned back on the plush fur coats, trying to steady your breath. This was the first time you caught a glimpse of your garments. The silk dress you’d saved up over a month’s allowance for, was now gashed down the middle. You were lucky no one had seen you run around at this time of night, one bad move and you’d be revealed. Your chest was starting to purple, finger sized hues of blue and violet started to appear where John had tried to force you down. You wouldn’t be surprised if your aching neck was covered in these bruises. 

Your shoes were filled with mud and scratches and your tights that once had a seam going up the back were ripped, holes everywhere. Your eyes started to burn as you remembered the crazed look in his eyes as he tried to rip your clothes off but you swallowed down your tears.

Once you made sure your father had retreated to his bedroom, you wrapped yourself in one of your mother’s fur coats and quietly left your hiding spot. But once again, as soon as you stepped foot on the staircase another creak came from the study. This time you weren’t quick enough.

“Is it past three am already? Done with a hard night’s work of terrorizing young children?” Your back was to Bucky but you were sure his face was adorned with a smug smile. 

Your shoulders dropped with a sigh. “Not today, please.”

The first alarm rang when he heard your tone. His eyes trailed from the top of your head, noticing your usual pinned up hair was awry, to your muddy shoes. He heard his heartbeat in his ears as he zeroed on the small patch of skin being revealed from a hole in your tights. You had more than enough money to buy a pair each day of your life if you wished that so, why were you wearing a ripped pair?

“Turn around.” Bucky said quietly at first but as you stood glued to your spot he became more and more desperate, his voice becoming louder. “Turn around and look at me now!”

Bucky had no care for your parents sleeping two floors up. He just wanted you to turn around and tell him you had been carelessly running through a field or whatever you decided to do whenever you weren’t with him. He wished, even though it would fill his being with madness, that you would tell him some man had wooed you with enough love that you’d followed him to bed. Taking you for the night of your life. But as you slowly shifted and he looked at your reddening eyes, he knew something was terribly wrong. You kept your head low, something your usual gutsy nature would never allow. 

Bucky took you into the study, the light illuminated the bruises that were peeking out of the fur collar. 

“Take it off.” Bucky demanded with a gruff tone he’d never before used with you.

You shook your head, one single tear fell from your eye. “I can’t”

“Please, darling.” Bucky closed his eyes and steadied his breaths, trying to keep his anger at bay but it was proving to be impossible. Impossible because your courageous personality was something he loved and seeing you like this could only mean one thing, impossible because his blood boiled when you flinched as he raised his hand to caress your cheek. 

With a gulp you let the coat drop to the floor, pooling around your feet. 

Bucky gasped, his trembling hand traced from your jaw down the valley of your breasts. His touch ghosted the ripped fabric, slipping the scraps of what used to be the sleeves down your arms, making the dress join your discarded coat. 

His jaw ticked as he took you in, your once smooth skin he’d so often wish he could kiss had been dishonored. Your body was a temple only few had the privilege to access and someone’s corrupted mind had tainted it. His fingers circled every single bruise on your body, counting thirty-five. 

Bucky sat you down on your fathers couch and took your heels off, carefully checking for any sign of swelling or injury there. 

“Who did this to you?” Bucky whispered, looking at you for the first time since he’d discovered you on the staircase. 

“It was my fault, I should have listened-“

Bucky’s jaw twitched again. “Who did this to you?” He asked through gritted teeth. 

You couldn’t answer him, the embarrassment and pain of the events becoming too much to bare. Your tears fell freely. 

“I’m only going to ask you this one more time.” He raised his voice, frustratedly running a hand through his hair. “Who did this to you!”

“John- John Walker.” You whispered through sobs. 

Bucky got up and paced the study, his fists curling and uncurling at his side. 

“Bucky- don’t-“ you tried but he interrupted. 

“Go to your room!” He barked, you’d never seen such fire in his eyes before. Bucky took off his suit jacket and draped it over your shoulders, covering your body. He gently led you to the staircase, his hands were careful, like he was scared of hurting you. 

“Where are you going?” You worried. 

Bucky ran his hand over his face, he was trying to calm himself but all he could see was red. 

“Go to your room.” He repeated, this time calmer, opening the front door. “And don’t come out until I knock on your door.”

He didn’t wait for your reply as he slammed the door shut. 

At first, you paced your room and gnawed on your lower lip. Then you showered, trying to clear your mind but each time the soap disappeared and your bruises showed, you were reminded of what happened.

Around three hours later, there was a soft knock on your door. 

You tugged your robe close to your body as you opened the door. Bucky had a gash on the bridge of his nose and a reddish mark on his jaw. You let him in, closing the door with your back. 

As soon as he was inside your bedroom, Bucky dropped to his knees. “Please forgive me.”

Your eyes widened at the sight of the usual stoic man now crying. Your lips parted. 

“Forgive me for not protecting you.” Bucky pleaded, opening your robe and placing a chaste kiss on each of your bruises trailing his lips from your ankles to your stomach. 

“I sentenced John to thirty-five blows, one for each of the marks his vile hands created on your body.” His usual white shirt was stained with dark red marks, Bucky looked up at you his blue eyes clear. “Until my last breath, I will protect you. That is my vow to you.”

Bucky took your hand, his bloody knuckled hand placed a stained cloth bag in your palm. You gasped as you saw teeth inside of it. 

“I have given your father two of his fingers to prove my commitment.” Bucky said before returning his journey up your body, trying to take your pain away. One kiss at a time. 

Part 2

0-0

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[cuubism]

fem!dream has me by the THROAT

----

This is… a revelation.

Hob really thought he'd passed his "learning about his sexuality" phase a good six hundred years ago. But he just might be having another sexual awakening right now.

It's because it's Dream. This kind of thing always happens with Dream. Hob supposes it's the inevitable result of being with someone whose form doesn't follow the bounds of material reality.

"Do you like what you see, Hob Gadling?" Dream asks, a smirk dancing on his lips. Same smirk as always, slightly different lips.

"I always like when I see you," Hob says. Dream props his– her?-- ah fuck it doesn't matter– arm on the back of the couch, head in her hand. Clearly pleased. Flattery always works in these situations, always. Bloody vain creature. 

There's none of the hesitation Hob had seen when Dream had revealed her more… nightmarish, her more otherworldly forms. There's only confidence here, utter assurance of her glory. As well she should.

"You're gorgeous," Hob tells her. "You're glorious. You always are." 

She's different like this. Subtly. Hob would have still been able to pick her out of a crowd at a hundred meters, but she's… fluid. Her angles are softened. Her legs seem even longer than usual where they're pulled up on the couch, delicate ankles crossed. Thin, familiar fingers press against a plusher lower lip. Cheekbones that cut even sharper. Strong jaw that pulls more narrow. Glinting galaxy eyes with long, fine lashes.

Hob is getting lost in the details. The point is that Dream is a vision, the bodily equivalent of draped silk, and Hob has never in his life been more grateful to be bisexual.

"This is very distracting to you," Dream murmurs, and Hob realizes Dream had said something else to him before and he hadn't even heard it. 

"Are you surprised?" Hob asks, leaning his head on his arm against the back of the couch so their eyes meet. "Wasn't that your intention?"  

"I was curious," says Dream. 

Famous last words for Hob’s sanity. "By which you mean you wanted to knock me on my ass, metaphorically speaking."

"I did wish to have you on your back," Dream agrees. Her voice is higher, like this, more alto than baritone, but still with that hazy, hypnotic melody to it.

Fucking hell.

"You know you'll get what you want, you always do." Hob brushes his ankle against Dream's. It's the only place they're touching, which is agony but Hob can't say he's not enjoying the tension. Or the view.

Dream runs a hand through her hair, twisting the long strands around her fingers. Her hair is a mess, sex-mussed and chaotic even though they’ve done nothing more than sit opposite each other here on the couch while Hob drinks Dream in with his eyes. It's… upsetting, in the daydreams it creates. 

“You know, it’s still mental to me that you can do this sort of thing in the real–” Hob cuts himself off and holds up an appeasing hand before Dream can object– “the waking world. Like, dreams, sure, anything can happen in dreams, right? But then you show up here one day and you have actual flesh-and-blood honest to God tits, you can’t just do that to me.” 

Hob half-expects Dream to automatically rejoin with my tits are also real in the Dreaming, so used is she to correcting Hob on the nature of dreams and their reality. The fact that she restrains herself is a tragedy, as that would possibly have been the funniest line Hob had ever heard come out of her mouth.

“I can choose how I wish my physical form to manifest,” Dream says, heavy-lidded gaze locked on Hob’s, “as you well know.”

“Do I ever,” Hob mutters.

“I have grown used to one shape but that does not mean that it is fixed.” 

“Can you manifest yourself as anything?” Hob asks.

“Anything that dreams,” Dream says.

“So you aren’t going to show up in my flat as a neutron star or something.”

“Do you think that stars dream, Hob?”

“I don’t know, I’ve never asked one.”

Dream just keeps looking at him with the slightest raise of her eyebrow, and Hob leans forward.

“Wait, can they–?”

“Hob Gadling,” Dream interrupts, “I am here before you, scarcely clothed, wearing a form that I know you are pleased by, and what you want to discuss is the finer points of my personal metaphysics?”

“Your personal metaphysics are very important to me, actually,” Hob teases, and gets a frustrated huff in return. 

“We have plenty of time,” Hob continues. “And you know I like learning about you.” He winks. “Like looking at you, too.”

Dream rolls her eyes and says, sounding put out, “You can look from closer up.”

Hob holds out a hand. “Alright, come here, then.”

Dream unfolds herself from the corner of the couch, so very like fabric indeed, and drapes herself onto Hob’s lap, settling on him weightless as always. Hob holds her by her waist, feels the familiar sharp bones of her hips. 

She’s wearing some sort of robe of soft velvet, fur lining the collar. It looks simultaneously two hundred years old and like it could have walked off the rack of a boutique lingerie shop yesterday evening. Is she wearing anything under it? No, Hob thinks, of course not. 

Hob rubs his fingers over the hem. “Where did you even get this? Pull it from someone’s dream?”

“Of course.” Dream lays her arms over his shoulders. The velvet brushes his skin; it’s ridiculously soft. “They were dreaming of an old film, I believe.”

This sort of luxurious, revealing garment is something Hob would not have batted an eye at her wearing in the Dreaming, but to see it here, in the waking world, where Dream is usually so buttoned up… it makes him feel some kind of way, and that way is mostly sad. 

“So, what, you stick with your usual body most of the time because you like it best, or you’re just used to it, or what?” he asks. Hob has found that if he wants to ask Dream about something touchy, it is best to ease in and do so in a roundabout way. Dream operates in dreams, fantasy, story, metaphor and allusion – she will find her way to what he’s really asking if she so wishes.

And once again, Hob’s decision to turn the doorknob but not force open the door is rewarded. 

“It is comfortable to me,” Dream says. “To the extent that any physical form is. However I confess that I…” she hesitates, and Dream rarely struggles to find words so it must be something she isn’t sure she wants to say. “I am finding… relief… in this form that has not been brutalized so by this world.”

Hob kisses the corner of her mouth, heart aching, and Dream leans her cheek against his. Her wild hair brushes his nose. Dream’s hair is always sticking up all over the place, but it strikes Hob suddenly that that wasn’t the case across all of their meetings – not until recently. He has seen Dream’s hair long and short, tied back and left loose, hardly controlled, always dramatic, but this level of utter dishevelment, that’s new.

He doesn’t know how much he should read into that; Dream is simultaneously the most intentional person he knows and also the literal personification of unconscious decision-making, so. Who’s to say, really.

“It is, of course, still I who has suffered,” Dream continues, “but this skin has not touched glass.”

Hob hurts for her, always, always hurts for her, but he’s relieved, also, to see her finding even momentary peace. And if he can provide it, even better. 

“I understand, love.” He thumbs over her lower lip, then holds her face in his hand. “The self is more than skin deep, but the skin is still part of it.”

Dream tilts her head. “Unusually poetic, Hob.”

“Unusually?” Hob protests. “Hey, I can manage it sometimes!”

A familiar smile touches Dream’s lips. “Perhaps.”

“Perhaps. I see you are as usually rude as always.”

“Did you think this form would temper me?” Dream raises an eyebrow, haughty glimmer in her eyes.

“Nothing could temper you.” Hob fits his hands under the sharp angles of her jaw. “You are the hard edges and brilliance and artistry of stained glass and don’t you know I love it?”

Dream kisses him, just a press of her lips against his, and hums, “Poetic. You do manage it. But I shall not ascribe to you an adjective; you have held too many to be so easily defined.”

“By which–” Hob runs his fingers through the hair at the nape of her neck; God, it’s nice when it's long “--you mean I am really old and have seen too much shit.”

“You have lived many lives,” Dream agrees. “Sculpted and resculpted again.”

“And we’re back to the art metaphors. Dream, did it hurt when you were thrown out the window of the National Gallery?”

For all the teasing, though, Hob is touched, always, by Dream’s regard for him.

“They did not want me at the gallery?” Dream asks. It’s always so easy to rope her into this weird sort of banter; Hob thinks it’s her natural language more so than direct communication is. 

She asks this while kissing him, though, so it takes a moment for Hob to respond. He considers not responding at all in favor of drinking in her lips for longer. “They wanted your beauty, they just couldn’t manage you.”

“And you can, Hob Gadling?” Challenging now, eyebrow raised, fingertips pressing into the back of Hob’s neck. 

Hob laughs. “God, no. How dare I.”

Dream’s mouth cuts into a sharp, satisfied smile. Hob hadn’t thought she could possibly be a sharper-edged person than she already is in her usual, masculine body, but somehow, despite the softer curves of her here, she’s managing it. It’s devastating. 

Hob has never claimed to be a strong man where Dream is concerned, which is fortunate, because that notion would have been decimated so thoroughly by now as to be embarrassing.

“I do like to try to hold you, though,” he says. “If one can hold a dream.”

“You’ve held on to life when you weren’t supposed to,” Dream points out. “That seems to have worked out well.”

“Hmmm.” Hob pulls her close, wraps his arms around the warm vibrancy of her. “So I’ll be rewarded for my hubris, again?”

“Perhaps.” Again, that crafty smile.

“I’m not going to keep you,” Hob tells her. There’s no keeping Dream; hell, Dream can’t even be kept in one body. Dream isn’t simple, and Hob wouldn’t want her to be. “But I’m not letting you go, either.”

“No.” Dream kisses the corner of his eye, right over the smile lines that have settled there, deeper, Hob thinks, in the year since their reunion than in all the centuries before. “I shouldn’t think so.”