#he’s probably higher on the list in actuality but for the skit he’s second to last

[nami-moittli]

Thought this’d be funny

[darkunlimited]

Tales of Arise Review

So, it’s not a bad game… but it’s not a great game either.

I had to think long and hard on how to write out my grievances with this particular title in the ‘Tales Of’ series (I’m starting to think I haven’t throughly enjoyed a title since Xillia 2, although I did like Berseria quite a bit). I’ve decided a list format was the most efficient.

Things I liked:

The world, characters, combos, and mystic artes are all very good looking (personal aesthetics aside)

Camping skits (These were nice because early on it was one of the only ways to have characters sit down and connect with each other.)

Hootle

Things I didn’t like but didn’t ‘hate’:

The absolute insistence on coupling all the characters. I didn’t like the lack of subtlety and it felt a bit shoehorned in as well. Yes, there are three heteronormative couples in a world where almost everyone is a slave and could die at any moment based on the whims of their evil overlords. Oh, look, an attractive Renan. (This kind of fits in with my rant about narrative later, mainly in how it feels shoved down the player's throat despite the fact that earlier titles have not needed to do this. )

Shionne goes from Tsun to Waifu before the second act, heavily lampshaded from the beginning, but gets blatant, by the end when you obtain wedding dress armor in the final dungeon and a bouquet gun you obtain in a subquest. Like, we get it, the two mains are going to hook up, it was kind of obvious with that whole no pain/causes pain dynamic they started off with. I honestly missed her Tsun tendencies, it helped balance out Alphen's 'good guy' personality.

Alphen’s mask coming off. Actually, I did kind of hate this, because he went from having a unique look to becoming a white-haired bishonen protag with no eyebrows (they are stupid light eyebrows that are too thin and hard to see). He looked awkward and I just wish they let me have the option of putting the mask on for aesthetic purposes, but no, once it's gone, it’s gone. Upon playing New Game + I've learned that other than in cut scenes, the helmet will stay off and it wrecks game immersion.

Things that made me go “Why?”:

The narrative. The constant repetition of what needs to be done and 'why we must continue our fight' became very old, very fast. It was somewhat tolerable in the first half of the game because there were still “mysteries” to resolve, but it became completely unbearable in the second. (Why yes, I do understand the motivations of the main cast, can I move on from your twenty-minute cut-scene explanation followed by multiple character skits and other added cut scenes five minutes later that reiterate the exact. same. information? No? Well, fuck you game.)

The compilation of the game. There were many issues here. In addition to the narrative shoving the ‘plot’ into the latter half of the game and beating me with repetition, there were the following problems:

Many character stories and fun skits/side quests suffered from the game’s arrangement. Many were relegated to the latter half of the game which did not make sense. A good portion of these could have easily been added to the first half (maybe to be completed in the second with some characters) and would have offered some levity during the story (Law’s backstory regarding his part in his father’s death really needed this, possibly more than anyone else.).

Additionally, the levels of the enemy seemed far higher than they had any reason to be for character quests to be completed. (I ended up doing all of this after I had opened up the final dungeon and the fact that these were the starts of character quests is what really ticked me off.)

The characters. I realize this may not be a popular opinion, but my issue with the characters had more to do with the game’s uneven portrayal of their character stories than the characters themselves. This was an issue in Zesteria as well (I did not like Rose because she became a BAMF! way too fast and took over Mikleo’s role as the deuteragonist midway through.) In Arise, this happens with Dohalim, particularly in the second half. There were points where I outright wondered if they were switching protagonists because his character arc tied so closely into the plot. Mind you, he is a likable character, but I should never forget who my main characters are. Alphen and Shionne became so poorly characterized within their tropes that I legitimately had moments I forgot they existed.

Lip Sync during skits. I think this could have been resolved easily if mouths either didn’t move at all during skits or if they had bothered to lip-sync to both English and Japanese VA’s. This also became problematic during camping but slightly easier to ignore.

Directional attack controls. I liked having the option of which way to swing my main weapon from the past games. This may seem a minor thing but it really threw me off when dealing with flying enemies.

Things I wish I could have seen (Fanfic ideas, maybe?):

Total ‘what if’ scenario, but it would have been interesting to see Rinwell used as a tool to fight off Renan’s before she joins the party. They do dive lightly into the possibilities of Dahnan oppressors and this would have been a good way to introduce that idea early on. Especially if there was a domain Renan’s could not take over.

Another thought is having Renan’s = old-timey Dahnan mages. If they were being hunted centuries ago, it would make a lot of sense to have them willingly go with the Helganquil to later get revenge on the Dahnan populace. Even if these mages/turned Renan’s forgot the why’s, learning that info from the Helganquil would have made for an interesting way to have Rinwell face her racism. It’s all but alluded to in the game, however, it seems some engineering on behalf of the Helganquil was involved in canon.

Law having more remorse over the part he played in his father’s death. Really felt like he shrugged it off too quickly. I think I would have liked a larger backlash to occur because of his actions.

Alphen’s backstory and memory being triggered over time instead of in one very long and kind of disappointing go. It would have been more compelling to see him flashback and question his own motives earlier on.

Making him Renan with the mask suppressing his glowy-eyes also would have been interesting since he would side w/the Dahnan’s after his experiences as a slave.

Shionne either sticking to being a Tsun (zapping people on purpose more), or confessing her motivations and her fears much earlier. It was really dragged out. Hated it. Also, she became very boring in the second half.

An optional unhappy ending. Honestly, everything was too nicely wrapped up. It felt unreal.

Anyways, that’s it, that’s the list. I think if I wasn’t a Tales Of veteran I may have enjoyed this game more (although the way they beat me over with the narrative still would have killed a good 70% of the enjoyment for me). I didn’t outright hate the game as it’s fun to play, but if I’d known more about how pedantic the narrative would become, I probably would have waited instead of buying on day one.

[sanguinarius-archive]

im not that familiar with treatsforbeats i watched like. a few videos but other than that i know nothing! but i would be glad to hear you info dump!

there is SO MUCH..... im gonna put a read more below because this turned out to be way longer than i expected. but you asked for me to infodump so here goes

okay so. treatsforbeasts, i dont know what the whole meaning behind the channel is. i cant specifically say what the goal of the channel’s content is because its all in my interpretation. but i do know that there are meanings behind each video as silly as it may seem and im just gonna list them off here (note that not all videos will be included since i may not be able to interpret every one, also this is going from earliest to most recent)

1. men with small hands carry very little treats to give to little girls with the sharpest little teethinterpretation of this video is csa/child sex trafficking. “little treats” refers to pills or some form of drug (small, makes u trip). however the “sharpest little teeth” could represent the little girl fighting back.

2. mom ordered ants for my birthdaychild abuse. mother forces son to watch and/or possibly engage in inappropriate activity with her husband.

3. i love jesusobviously a dark parody of christianity/catholicism. shows how blindly some fanatical christians/catholics will follow their beliefs, to the point where they no longer truly “follow” it as theyve warped the message to fit their own morbid desires (using christianity/the bible to excuse hatred and judgment upon others).

4. i me you love godanother dark parody of christianity/catholicism. i believe it mocks how fanatical christians/catholics focus only on the negative aspects of the bible instead of learning the true messages, as many of the words used are from the bible and are negative words.

5. behdsPROBABLY just a silly video but, i think it represents how people let negativity embed itself into their lives and complain about it even though it’s so easy to just let go of it.

6. jaffreymocking some sitcoms for how dumb and repetitive they can be.

7. kiss papa’s mustachepossibly child abuse, again.

8. storytimereferences/implies child abuse. storytime is also the name of one of treatsforbeasts’ songs on his Sanguinarius - Sin Nomine album.

9. hymns for him (1 + 2)just total parody albums of christian rock. vocals make you feel like youre dying but its actually kinda good to listen to in some parts

10. i screaming inside my headRoii (the character)’s first appearance. also probably symbolizes how depressing some kinds of music are

11. felines have nine livesnot sure but i feel like this is a warrior cats reference, in complete and total honesty (dont watch it if you dont like c/at d/eath though, its fictional but. yeah)

12. beastsreflection of society as a whole

then there’s. the two short films and sin nomine. so i’m gonna delve into that now and be warned, it’s fuckin long

treatsforbeasts is the self-titled short film and the first longest video on the treatsforbeasts channel. basically what i get from this is that treatsforbeasts, the channel itself, symbolizes an actual channel that chauncy (the child character in the short film, who is portrayed as a literal oral fleshlight with a body) watches. he consumes these concepts, such as internalizing misogyny (claw-paw skit), toxic masculinity (can i like balloons skit) and being exposed to a normalization of christianity (heaven and hell skit). there’s also a skit in which a spider binge eats and then proceeds to throw it up, which chauncy actually mimicks when his father brings him food.his father very much disapproves of these messages being shown on tv. he tells chauncy in regards to the claw-paw skit, when chauncy belittles the female character, “that’s not very nice, now is it”, and says “you can like ballons, you can love balloons if you want to”. his father goes on long tangents about how many institutions have normalized and inherited the concepts of christianity, and that it is one of the contributing factors of violence in the world. he references colonization, the holocaust, and in general mentions minorities.we learn that the father actually ended up being a father to chauncy in the first place due to (nsfw tw) masturbating in a sock to a picture of robert smith, and 9 months later chauncy was born. so technically there is no mother. the father talks about the meaning of life, and how everyone on the inside is a little bit of a freak, but there’s only two real ways you can accept that: 1) realize that your freakishness gives you a special lense through with you see the world and aid it in the ways the sane and happy ones probably cant, and 2) realize that real way number 1 is just lying to itself and that youre still a somewhat integral part of the lives of those you care for so deeply. he says that choosing which way to live really reverts back to the meaning of life, that you cannot live day by day believing there’s no reason to. “but whatever reason you give yourself to live, [...] you do it, because it is correct to live.”

sin nomine comes after the first short film, but i’ll delve into that after because really it touches on many many of the points and interpretations here.

the second short film, the beast is dead, was released just this year on valentines day! i think the main focus of the short film ranges from relationships to just once again a mockery of christianity/catholicism. once again it starts off with a father and his son. there is no mother figure present though she’s said to have left, due to the father watching too much “birdies”, a show, which i think is a metaphor for porn addiction. the father is implied to being prone to neglecting the son’s wants and not really caring for him, being disappointed in him, etc. etc..something important about the beast is dead is that it uses masks to portray those who are “followers” and those who are not. the father, interestingly enough, does not wear a mask. he seems to acknowledge what his son is saying when he goes on philosophical rants as well, but disregards them as nonsense and ends up leaving after bonking him with the stupid spike (metaphor for how parents will shut their children up by giving them a phone or toy to play with).the three other characters who don’t use masks in the beast is dead are Roii, Tom, and Doctor Zoughth (pronounced Zoth). Roii makes a comeback, finally! but this time he’s singing a song called “i love the sound of screaming babies”. it symbolizes how men will impregnate women and then run off, whether or not because they fantasize about pregnant women. it could also be a want of seeing a hurt child (hence the line “i know that all of you watching must think i’m insane, for loving when something so innocent is in so much pain”).however another interesting factor is that, the characters who don’t have masks, aside from Tom and the father, have red eyes at some point. this is a metaphor for how they’ve lost their humanity. Roii, at some point in the music video scene, only has one red eye whereas his other is normal. this hints at how part of him has lost his humanity while the other is still in tact.the other character that has red eyes is Dr Zoughth, but instead of him having only one red eye, both his eyes are red. this doesnt show until later though when he’s taken Tom away from the masked characters (followers). Dr Zoughth is very much self-aware. he is not blind, but simply has lost his humanity. Tom tries to reach out to him, to get him to think differently, that maybe resorting to coping with emotional struggles by worshipping something simple like flesh or something more higher than himself and forgetting his own mortality isn’t the healthiest way to live. but Dr Zoughth, having been long gone already, does not accept this and executes Tom.his own personal disciples grow tired of his tyranny and kill him and perform a ritual of some kind, disposing of his body (in the river i think, not sure). this entire ending of the film is basically the title, the beast is dead. but, i believe the beast is not dead, personally, because someone like Zoughth will always live on in other people, other beasts.there’s also a scene called grandma hespar and i think it implies how little people focus on sexual abuse towards men (when it’s from women).

anyways, with that being said, it’s time for sin nomine.

so now that i’ve explained pretty much all of treatsforbeasts to you, and whoever else is reading, it’s clear that the person behind this has issues with christianity (or catholicism), and child abuse. the person behind treatsforbeasts is Jordan Diniz, as he is also the person behind sanguinarius.

sin nomine is a very personal reflection of jordan’s life from what i gather. it depicts his struggles with how he views the world around him, whether that be due to personal experiences or not. at first i interpreted most of sin nomine to be the story of someone who is lgbt, but with jordan himself coming to me and telling me he is straight (POLITELY), it’s clear that is not the case.

so it most likely has to do with trauma. either religious or not, or both. it even says in the song storytime (remember i mentioned it earlier?), “fast hand, white hot trauma, reverberates inside the skull. innocence and intellect raped, reveals a view of a darker world. flesh on flesh, the bonds of affection - confused for the bonds of submission and fear. self-hatred and mistrust repel all beauty that comes near.” i don’t like to say that this solidifies a personal experience, but it’s highly possible.

a lot of sin nomine kind of goes over the same points in different ways, but it makes you think. i definitely feel like something happened to jordan at some point in his life but that is his story and it’s not my place to truly tell, since i don’t know him personally.

there’s also the other channel, adrianturcher. it has videos with seemingly no real purpose except for there being two videos with the same names of two songs on sin nomine, “nex memoria” and “a fetish for psychos”. nex memoria is just a compilation of clips that seem to symbolize the process of death (nex memoria is a latin phrase which very roughly translates to “memory’s death”). a fetish for psychos is a bunch of old clips from parties and shows that possibly jordan himself attended. they’re from 2002 judging by the date in the video. the lyrics in the song “a fetish for psychos” also seem to hint at these events, so it’s possibly that it’s like looking back on happy memories that make you feel sad instead or something. the song also might possibly reference a mother at the beginning.

sanguinarius also has its own channel simply called sanguinarius. there’s the music video for divine comedy (one of the songs on sin nomine) and a cover of because you’re young by david bowie, posted on his birthday a year after his death.

anyway, that’s. pretty much all i have to say. jordan diniz is a fuckin’ mastermind, he’s really good and cool and he’s very kind from my experience talking with him a couple times. he supports the gays as well!

sooooo, treatsforbeasts does have some very creepy/unsettling moments in its content but its EXTREMELY good and i recommend getting into it if you can. 100/10

[mst3kproject]

816: Prince of Space

In a lot of ways this is one of the more daunting reviews I've taken on.  There are various reasons why I might not want to review a particular movie.  Maybe, as in Last of the Wild Horses, the movie just doesn't interest me.  Maybe, as in Hobgoblins, I just hate the movie that much.  Maybe, as in Swamp Diamonds, I have a hard time coming up with anything to say about it.  Prince of Space falls into none of those categories.  Instead, like Pod People or Manos: the Hands of Fate, this is one of the classic episodes, the ones that have been so thoroughly watched, discussed, and destroyed by the fandom at large that I'm not sure I can really contribute anything.

The goal of this blog is completeness, though, so here I go. Phantom, Dictator of Krankor, has come to Earth to steal the secret of Professor Maki's advanced rocket fuel (or Professor Macken, or Professor Marken... the dub actors cannot seem to agree). Fortunately, Earth has a secret weapon – the invulnerable Prince of Space!  Prince of Space steals the formula back from Phantom and chases him away, so Phantom falls back on Plan B.  He kidnaps the world's leading scientists and takes them to Planet Krankor so they can see just what a mighty empire they are up against.  Once again it's up to Prince of Space to save the day!

Prince of Space was originally a TV show, Yūsei Ōji (Planet Prince), which was made to capitalize on the popular Super Giants film series – yeah, you read that right, Prince of Space is a ripoff of Star-Man!  The series proved popular enough in itself that two movies were made based on it, and it was these that were edited together into the Prince of Space we all know and love.  They did a surprisingly good job, actually. The resulting film feels only slightly bifurcated, mostly because the three children pretty much vanish for the second half, and I'm guessing the original Prince of Space movies were intended as 'part one' and 'part two' of the same story.  It's also the rare MST3K movie that remains entertaining even without Mike and the Bots at the bottom.

This is kind of surprising, because Prince of Space has basically the exact same plot as Invasion of the Neptune Men: a z-list superhero and a bunch of little kids try to stop an alien invasion too incompetent for even Godzilla to take notice.  But while Invasion of the Neptune Men was an unmitigated pain parade, Prince of Space is silly, over-the-top fun.  Why the difference?  Prince of Space still isn't what anybody would call a 'good' movie, but it gets right a great many of the things Invasion of the Neptune Men got wrong.

For starters, Prince of Space has characters in it. There are the three kids: scientist's son Johnny Maki, and Wally the Bootblack's two wards, Kimmy and Mickey.  They have names, lives, and interests – these are minimal, but they exist.  Johnny likes to watch boxing on TV and worries about getting in trouble.  Kimmy and Mickey are proud of their jobs as Wally's assistants.  They talk about the problems presented to them, instead of just pointing and running around like the kids in Invasion of the Neptune Men. Their familial connections to Dr. Maki and Wally mean there is an actual reason why they keep getting involved in these events.  

Similarly, Wally/Prince of Space is himself a character.  I'm not sure how a guy who makes his living shining shoes finds the time or money to be a superhero on the side, but his secret identity is actually relevant and in danger of discovery.  He, too, also has a bit of personality – he's the type of person who is kind to a fault, often to his own detriment.  He takes in the two orphans even though he really can't afford to.  He returns forgotten items to his customers even though it takes him away from his work.  Tips the kids earn shining shoes are explicitly stated to be theirs, not his, even though he could use the money.

The Neptune Men were nothing but singing humanoid buttplugs – faceless, nameless, and devoid of personality.  The Chicken-Men of Krankor have faces, which allows them to react to things, and Phantom at least has a distinctive look and personality, with his arrogant attitude and obnoxious laugh.  What's more, the aliens of Prince of Space have a goal.  While the Neptune Men seemed to just be throwing stuff at the Earth at random, Krankor is specifically after Professor Maki's rocket fuel and at first his attempt to conquer the world is focused on that.  Later, after Prince of Space thwarts him over and over, he becomes increasingly obsessed with destroying the hero by any means possible, whether it benefits his invasion plans or not.

There is one kind of cool idea in this, actually.  In one scene a reporter asks Dr. Maki why Phantom would be after his formula, when the technology of Krankor is so far advanced over Earth's.  Dr. Maki replies that Krankor is advanced in some ways but not in others, and they happen to be lagging behind Earth in the development of rocket fuel.  This is a neat concept.  We don't know, after all, what constitutes a 'level' of technological development because we have only one example of a technological civilization, and that's our own. Maybe somewhere out there are aliens who have made enormous strides in mathematics but still believe the body is composed of humours that must be balanced.  If that sounds unlikely, think again: it was the actual state of things in Europe when Newton and Liebniz invented calculus.  Or maybe the inverse is true: maybe the aliens are skilled doctors who can perform life-saving operations we wouldn't dare attempt, but they don't understand things like logarithms at all.

If this were a good movie, the stuff humans are good at and Chicken-Men not would be a key to their final defeat.  But this is Prince of Space.

The entertainment factor here is also upped by the fact that Prince of Space is not afraid to be ridiculous.  Invasion of the Neptune Men was often rather restrained.  Prince of Space has a big-eared, matronly giant who destroys Phantom's enemies with weaponized halitosis.  The Chicken-Men themselves are delightfully ridiculous, with their pointed noses and hoods that suggest their heads and chins are pointed too, and their spaceship looks like a roast turkey.  Prince of Space's own ship looks like a modified bumper car and he has a magic wand that deflects death rays.  It makes the movie enjoyable in a way Invasion of the Neptune Men never even approached.

Finally, it's always possible to tell what's going on in Prince of Space.  While there are endless shootout scenes, those are always connected with something in the story. Wally flees Chicken-Men through a graveyard after they discover his secret identity – will he be able to transform into Prince of Space before they catch him?  Laser fire is exchanged as Prince of Space leads the captive scientists through Phantom's fortress.  Will they make it to the ship to return to Earth?  Invasion of the Neptune Men had none of this, just spaceship models shooting at each other without even anything to tell us how far apart they were.  An action scene in which we really can't tell what's happening is dull. The director and editors of Prince of Space had at least some idea how to do it right.

I actually really wish this movie were in colour.  According to the posters, Prince of Space's costume was red, green, and white, while the Chicken-Men of Krankor wore pink and purple.  I'd love to see what colours were on the walls of the Great Hall, or that the giant was dressed in.  It must have looked gloriously ridiculous.

Remember Invaders from Space, in which the bad guys were Kappa-People?  Well, Prince of Space is less explicit about it, but I think the Chicken-Men are supposed to be Tengu-People.  The Tengu is a birdlike demon in Japanese folklore who is supposed to be a harbinger of war.  They are often depicted with unnaturally long, sometimes beaklike noses.  Such noses are also featured in Japanese caricatures of white people.  Hmm... they come promising peace and prosperity and then they blow your shit up.  Sounds about right.

Wikipedia doesn't have an antique woodcut of anybody farting on a Tengu, but this watercolour of one getting yelled at by a monk is kind of fun.

This is another movie that is difficult to analyze, because it doesn't really have any higher ambitions.  The original goal of the Yūsei Ōji TV show was to make money off Star Man fans, and the movies were intended to make money off fans of the TV show. Fortunately, enough effort and good fun were put into the result that it stands on its own.  Of all the Japanese-Superhero-Versus-Stupid-Aliens movies I've seen, Prince of Space is undoubtedly my favourite... and the fact that I can talk about those as a genre is... well, it's sadder than talking about the Nazi Zombie genre, but not as sad as talking about the Bela Lugosi vs Gorilla Suit genre.  So there's that.

The other wonderful thing we got out of Prince of Space is the 'temporally displaced chicken puppet' sketch, which is probably the funniest single skit in the entire Sci-Fi Channel era. Gypsy's burrito makes me laugh every single time.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 26th May 2019 (Tyler the Creator, Halsey, DJ Khaled)

Top 10

“I Don’t Care” by Ed Sheeran featuring Justin Bieber sits at the top spot for a second week, and it seems pretty stable, even if the song itself is pretty lazy.

Lil Nas X’s “Old Town Road” featuring Billy Ray Cyrus is also steady at the runner-up spot.

At number-three, Lewis Capaldi trumps Stormzy up one space with “Someone You Loved” thanks to the release of Capaldi’s probably dreadful album.

This of course means “Vossi Bop” by Stormzy has flailed down one spot to number-four.

“Hold Me While You Wait” by Lewis Capaldi gets a short album release boost up three positions to number-five.

Billie Eilish’s “bad guy” is still at number-six since last week.

MEDUZA’s “Piece of Your Heart” with Goodboys suffers thanks to Capaldi, down two spaces to number-seven.

As does the late Avicii’s posthumous release “SOS” featuring Aloe Blacc, down a spot to number-eight.

Also thanks to Lewis Capaldi’s album release, we have number-nine, which is up 19 spaces from last week after squandering in the top 40 for a while. It’s “Grace” by Lewis Capaldi, peaking this week and becoming his third top 10 hit in the UK. Great. I’m not all that upset though because this means we won’t be seeing any new Capaldi this week, since all three singles were the most popular songs and UK chart rules prevent any other songs from appearing on the chart if they’re not the big three.

Also entering the top 10 for the first time is the mediocre house track “All Day and Night” by Jax Jones and Martin Solveig – presenting EUROPA – featuring Madison Beer, up oe space to #10, becoming both EUROPA as a group act and Beer’s first ever Top 10, as well as Jax Jones’ fifth and Solveig’s second, his first since 2015.

Climbers

There’s not much at all here to talk about, neither will there be many fallers, however there are a handful. First of all, we have an unexpected and unwelcome rebound for “Giant” by Calvin Harris and Rag ‘n’ Bone Man up five spaces to #24. Also, thanks to some more exposure that was inspired by a Hardy Caprio cosign on “Guten Tag” (that also just entered the Top 20 this week, which is pretty epic), Digga D’s “No Diet” is up eight spots to #25. “Late Night Feelings” by Mark Ronson featuring Lykke Li is also up six positions to #33 off of the debut.

Fallers

Going in reverse order, at #38, we have “Homicide” by Logic featuring Eminem absolutely collapsing down 12 spaces to #38. Oof. Speaking of collapses thanks to a lack of streaming after its first two weeks, “Greaze Mode” by Skepta featuring Nafe Smallz couldn’t even have that second week down 13 to #35, but it’ll rebound due to the album release in a few weeks’ time. “Just You and I” by Tom Walker might have had a streaming cut down 15 spaces to #29, but I think a lot of that is genuinely wavering popularity.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

Out of the top 75 completely is “i’m so tired...” by LAUV and Troye Sivan from #37, mostly due to streaming cuts and dumb UK chart rules, which have also affected “Don’t Feel Like Crying” by Sigrid out from #30. Otherwise, “Falling like the Stars” by James Arthur thankfully falters after people realised the song is absolute trite without the video, and it’s out from #34 off of the debut. Sadly, “Boasty” by Wiley featuring Sean Paul, Stefflon Don and Idris Elba has also had streaming cuts and is out from #17, because it’s a hip-hop song, and they are effectively streaming-exclusive. Also out are two not premature losses, in fact, these are very expected, as they’ve been in the last half of the top 40 for a while, and today was a big week, so, I feel like we can safely say “Good riddance” to “Don’t Call Me Up” by Mabel out from #36, and “Swervin” by A Boogie wit da Hoodie featuring 6ix9ine out from #40; Mabel might rebound though. There are no returning entries this week.

NEW ARRIVALS

#39 – “3 Nights” – Dominic Fike

Produced by Capi – Peaked at #3 in Australia

Now for the first time in a while, maybe since MEDUZA, I’m intrigued by this new artist’s debut on the charts, but I’ve seen his name buzzing up for a while... he only has six songs yet thanks to this massive worldwide smash, has 10 million monthly listeners, yet he’s completely passed me by. His Spotify bio is a yellow heart emoji, which is the worst heart emoji. I’m disgusted. Of course, I’m kidding, but I have heard him pop up on Kevin Abstract’s recent solo record ARIZONA BABY and he’s been an indie pop star for a while now, I imagine, I just haven’t cared enough to check his EP out, I suppose. Nevertheless, this is his first ever Top 40 hit in the UK, and I love it. It starts pretty abruptly with a bouncy clap beat and some stringy guitar that you can hear in a lot of vaguely indie pop nowadays, except unlike a LAUV, Dominic Fike has a soulful albeit somewhat reminiscent of pop-punk voice that backs up the acoustics (which may be a bit too much in the front of the mix than I’d like), as the bassline’s fun, energetic groove just kicks and kicks, Fike keeps going on with a fine-tuned, double-tracked vocal performance until he breaks down on the second verse, where he starts yell-rapping and I honestly start to think there was an uncredited Trippie Redd guest verse that made this blow up. Like I said, though, Fike is much more refined than a Trippie Redd, who just kind of belts relentlessly without any care for how it works musically. The falsetto backing vocals are cute, and the plucking guitar becomes a real driving force for the rhythm, especially when the first verse is mostly bare. Whilst most artists in this lane of indie-pop/singer-songwriter guy who’s actually pretty manufactured and generic would let the instrumental breathe in an airy, cloudy mess of synth, Fike is all over it, not letting the instrumental get a second of breathing room before he explodes on the track. The content matter is interesting, as well, as it paints imagery of street lights that have been such a familiar sight for Fike over the months of having a relationship, those three nights representing three stages, from not caring to being absolutely smitten in love, before they just drift apart and there’s nothing to do about it, and Fike is frustrated that he can’t repair this shattered relationship. Oh, yeah, and:

And she sent me naked pictures from her neck down to her waist

I feel this downplays the romance and emotion here a bit, though. I’ve personally always found it more compelling when it’s the man admitting he sent naked pictures, as that’s more rough and emotionally revealing than the inverse.

She found pictures in her e-mail / I sent this bitch a picture of my d*** - Kanye West, “Runaway”

I still absolutely love this song though. I’d say check it out, but everyone has. I’m late to the party.

#37 – “Jealous” – DJ Khaled featuring Chris Brown, Lil Wayne and Big Sean

Produced by Tay Keith and Nova Wav – Peaked at #57 in the US

I feel I’ve gotten the wrong end of the stick here with these album cuts. With Tyler, the Creator instead of the fun introduction “IGOR’S THEME”, which is at #41, I get the much worse “I THINK” at #30. With DJ Khaled, instead of the beautiful Nipsey Hussle tribute “Higher” with John Legend at #43, I get Chris Brown. Thanks, I hate it. I don’t have to do any research, you know who these guys are, and I’m sure you don’t care, I’ll get through this quickly after turning on Private Session because my last.fm having Chris Brown scrobbles is a nightmare. Might as well list the insane amount of Top 40 hits these dudes have, DJ Khaled surprisingly having the least with five, with who I expected to have the least, Big Sean, racking up... also five, mostly because those sell-out features really pay off, Lil Wayne on the other hand having twenty-freaking-four, and Chris Brown trumping them all with about 38. What a delightful thought that is. Uh, so what’s happening here? DJ Khaled is pointless once again, as I doubt he had any element of involvement in this Tay Keith beat, who doesn’t even get to have his full producer tag play in the intro, which is insanely cluttered. His dated synth patterns and tones are still there with the rattling hi-hats, though, and there’s way too many Chris Brown on this song, because he sounds muddy and awful, with Auto-Tune that’d make a metalhead want to shoot a frog’s brains out. I like Lil Wayne’s verse, mostly because he actually has some well-constructed bars, but he drowns out into the chaotic pre-chorus and DJ Khaled ad-libs... and his flow is lacklustre, cut short by Chris Brown. Big Sean is fun and discusses Jhené Aiko, whilst interpolating the “In My Feelings” flow of all flows, but he also is cut short by Chris Brown. Please listen to CHVRCHES and stop collaborating with this pathetic abusive excuse for a human being. Seriously, why so much of that Chris Brown hook? Honestly, Big Sean can barely get a “Straight up” ad-lib in there. I hate this, actually, that hook has a falsetto Lil Wayne harmonising for some reason, and the bridge is multi-tracked with awful, low-fidelity chipmunk vocals, and yeah, this is awful, why did I consider this passable? I never want to hear this again, the instrumental’s so cluttered and over-polished so you can barely hear the vocalists except Chris Brown who is all over the place. DJ Khaled sounds like Quavo sometimes here, what is happening? I’m confused, who has played themselves? Why is Khaled just shouting over the outro? He’s supposed to only do this on the video skits, what the—

#36 – “Summer Days” – Martin Garrix, Macklemore and Patrick Stump of Fall Out Boy

Produced by Martin Garrix – Peaked at #4 in Belgium

And the Cactus Award for What the Ever-loving Frick Did I Just Read? goes to... Martin Garrix, Patrick Stump and Macklemore on the same song. This is the whitest thing I think has ever been produced and released, but besides that, we should be questioning why these guys thought it was okay to collaborate, and that this was going to go unnoticed. Should I care? Isn’t this just a pop singer-rapper collaboration and the connection to Fall Out Boy is what’s making me overreact? I mean, Fall Out Boy is a shill now too, especially with that disgusting Lil Peep collaboration. It’s weird to see Macklemore out of his natural habitat of being only barely existent but good to know he’s hopped out of his shell to collaborate with some EDM doofus and I’m sure who was his favourite emo singer as a teen. This is Garrix’s tenth UK Top 40 hit, Macklemore’s eighth and third without Ryan Lewis and Patrick Stump’s fourth as a solo act, his first since 2007. Is it good? Well, no. It isn’t, really. Patrick Stump essentially whispers through the first verse, but his oddly nasal tone at least in the first verse doesn’t fit EDM production, and he’s yet to realise this, as while he’s more soulful and bassy afterwards, he immediately goes to a falsetto... and it gets better. A lot better – in fact, the distant acoustic guitar strumming (that may be too front in the mix once again for my liking) and cute fake finger-snaps make a pretty good foundation for a beat that both Stump and Macklemore perform pretty well on, especially since that rough electric guitar comes in for Macklemore to spit about his fascination and close bond with this woman but who cares, that drop is epic. That drop is insanely good, and the electric guitar build-up within Macklemore’s verse is subtle but excellent. This is actually more of a rock song than EDM, when I think about it, and the drop perfectly crafts the acoustic guitar strumming and cloudy synths with the guitar line, chopping up Stump’s vocals and leaving him recognisable, whilst still sounding warm and summery, mostly because of how slick the guitar is and the finger-snaps do allow for some kind of bounce and groove. The touches of strings in the second build-up is a nice additional touch, and I love when Stump cracks out of his falsetto briefly to signify that the drop is coming, and it is crashing hard. A better music critic would call this a trainwreck, a disaster on all fronts, but I like it for what it is. God, I’m so dumb.

#30 – “I THINK” – Tyler, the Creator featuring uncredited vocals from Solange

Produced by Tyler, the Creator – Peaked at #51 in the US

I knew Tyler’s hype was growing immensely but I didn’t expect an album bomb from Tyler on the Hot 100, and this sudden boost of popularity seems to come out of nowhere, especially since the last time he was this big he was having threesomes with a triceratops and stabbing Bruno Mars in his goddamn oesophagus. Nevertheless, Tyler’s back in the UK as Theresa May leaves, as are his songs, as he has a second but we won’t be talking about it for reasons explained later. This is “I THINK” from his most recent effort IGOR and while I’ve been a pretty long-term and semi-diehard Tyler, the Creator fan for a while, I’d argue IGOR may be one of his worst efforts yet, not because it’s bad but I’m incredibly indifferent on a lot of the songs, mostly because of a lack of substance from both the lyrics and the aimless instrumentals. This in particular is one of my least favourite songs, next to “GONE, GONE / THANK YOU” and “RUNNING OUT OF TIME” as pretty boring, dull listens, however it does differentiate itself from songs like that by being largely a hip house track, which is a genre you don’t see on charts anymore. This is Tyler’s first ever Top 40 hit in the UK and Solange’s second as a solo act as well, her first since 2008, and I don’t feel it that much as other tracks from the album. The groove is there, and the tribal house beat is fun, but Tyler’s Kanye-like droning delivery, with a bassline ripped from “Stronger” and fancy synths that cover Tyler’s nonexistent upper register that pitch-shifting can’t really fix or mask. Solange sounds beautiful here as well, but she’s relatively underused I feel, only having a chorus and refrain, but she’s very oddly mixed, as she’s much louder than Tyler for the most part, despite being a guest on the album, as the others are mostly quieter than Tyler due to the personal aspects of the album and how it wants to focus on Tyler, meaning it’s kind of inconsistent. The wonky 80s synths in the back-end of the track are very typical of Tyler and do add to the track in making it pretty fun, but it does get a bit too messy and cluttered in the final chorus, which is insanely catchy, may I add, and I do love the piano that ends the track, but overall, this feels very half-hearted. The aimless nature of the song is intentional, I’m sure, as it’s all about feeling that first spark of love and having no idea what’s going to come of it, but the pacing is dodgy here as it comes right after deeply saddened break-up song “EARFQUAKE”. Maybe I’m missing the point, but I’m not a fan of this one. Sorry.

#26 – “Nightmare” – Halsey

Produced by benny blanco, Cashmere Cat and Happy Perez – Peaked at #15 in the US and... #7 in Slovakia. Huh.

And now to ruin any potential credit given to me as a music critic, reviewer and enthusiast, especially right after that Tyler, the Creator review. Now, there’s a lot to hate about Halsey’s seventh UK Top 40 hit, trust me, I know that. The pointless prayer at the beginning that doesn’t add anything to the song or its content and is completely irrelevant, the abrupt drop into the belting chorus, the Billie Eilish rip-off in the first verse with the minimal, multi-tracked sing-rapping over a trap beat that she can’t flow over at all, especially in the second verse where she is sloppy as hell, the janky pre-chorus and the chorus as a whole being kind of pathetic and really short, the line “I’m no sweet dream, but a hell of a night” not working within the context of the song. However, let me give you this as a rebuttal. Those floaty, gliding guitars in the intro are absolutely beautiful and the prayer, whilst probably making more sense when the album comes out, is about giving the Lord her soul, essentially having to give men their all and get nothing back, which is implied by how it drops immediately to the rock-infused chorus, which attempts at being empowering at least but it is catchy as hell, especially with Halsey’s memorably raspy delivery. The sing-rapping works on the first verse, and is mostly about self-harm, actually, which is influenced by how men have lied to her, but it goes on a bit of a tangent that isn’t relevant to how the song is about empowering women, and that women don’t have to always smile for the camera, as mentioned in the pre-chorus. The main lyric as mentioned before makes sense now because like in the second verse, the media and/or G-Eazy is being dominant over her and she won’t stand for it, she won’t be patronised and the last line in the second verse exemplifies that with a line I really like:

I’m tired and angry, but somebody should be

Somebody SHOULD always be speaking out about society’s BS, and—wait, how the hell does this makes sense if it’s also about G-Eazy and/or break-ups in general? With this and “Bad at Love”, I’m actually really confused about Halsey’s songwriting. That song also had an obnoxious hook, huh. Hell, “Without Me” had all these problems as well... as did “Closer”, actually, and that’s not even her song. I stick by this being pretty okay though, especially by Halsey standards, even if it feels very mish-mash, and the distorted electric guitar being back in the mix does dampen the effectiveness of the chorus, which is still anthemic – or at least tries to be. Oh, yeah, and Halsey’s really attra—

#17 – “EARFQUAKE” – Tyler, the Creator featuring uncredited vocals from Playboi Carti, Charlie Wilson and Jessy Wilson

Produced by Tyler, the Creator – Peaked at #13 in the US

I love this song to death, it’s by far my favourite off of IGOR. As you can see by its US peak, however, this will probably be eligible for my best list by the end of the year and I’m planning in advance, it’s probably going to be very high on that list. I know this means I only give Tyler a negative write-up this episode, which saddens me too, but don’t worry, I’ll make up for it when December/January rolls around and it’s time for list season. This is Tyler’s second UK Top 40 hit, Carti’s first ever charting song in the UK (It surprised me too), as well as Jessy Wilson’s, and Charlie Wilson has a few but his discography page is messy as hell so I won’t try and count them, they’re all uncredited as well so that makes it harder. Imagine having more than three UK Top 40 hits as a solo act and you don’t get credit for any of them. Anyway, even though I can’t cover it...

Conclusion

Tyler, the Creator gets Best of the Week for “EARFQUAKE”, no contest. In fact, I’m hesitant to give “3 Nights” by Dominic Fike the Honourable Mention, just because “EARFQUAKE” is THAT good. Dishonourable Mention goes to Tyler, the Creator as well (Unfortunately), for the pretty dull “I THINK”, whilst Worst of the Week goes to DJ Khaled, Lil Wayne, Big Sean and Bowser Jr. for “Jealous”, what a trainwreck. Follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank for more musical ramblings and Jonas Brothers content because that’s the Tweet they decided to push, and I’ll see you next week!

[thejpfdude-blog]

The Upcoming Summer 2017 Shows I’ll Be Watching

Hello friends and welcome to the annual beginning-of-season post about the shows I’m watching for the season! With the Spring 2017 anime season almost ending (thank goodness), now’s the time to look at the slate of shows that the Summer 2017 season has to offer.

A reminder of the usual thing I say in these posts:

I might watch some other shows that are good or drop some shows if they aren’t good, but that’s for the future.

Like always, I’m organizing these shows into three categories: Full Chance are shows I’m giving the whole season towards, Short Leash are shows I’m giving three or so episodes towards, and One Shot are shows I’m giving one episode towards. As we progress towards categories, expect less words for each anime as I lose interest in writing. Also a reminder that MAL links to the shows are on the titles for those interested. So let’s start with…

Full Chance Shows

Ballroom e Youkoso: First off, this show already has an interesting concept. And while that isn’t a huge factor in how good a show ends up being, this show does have some other aspects to it that I think might make it good. Basically, this show is about a guy who enters the world of ballroom dancing. In the most simplistic sense, it is a sports anime, so that is a plus for me given my propensity towards the sporting events. Another big plus is that this show is made by the same studio that made Haikyuu, another sports anime with some great animation scenes. If there’s one thing that this show needs in order to be successful, it’s the animation, given the high amount of movement in the sport. Yes, sharing the same studio doesn’t necessarily mean that the animation will be good (given that there could be different staff for animation roles), but it’s still a good sign. On a personal note, I don’t really like the character designs. But hey, that’s a minor issue (unless they somehow get worse or something). Overall, this show has some potential: let’s see how it capitalizes on it.

New Game!!: Yeah boi. From the makers of New Game! comes New Game!!, the second season. Believe me when I say that I’m honestly trying to keep my hype for this show down. But it’s not working, because I’m pretty dang excited for it. This show was one of my favorite shows in what in my opinion was a stacked Summer 2016 season of anime, filled with moe and fun little antics by each of the cast. Also that beautiful character design. Mmm that’s good stuff. Me likey.

Looking at this seriously though, my recent experiences with second seasons make me very wary of how this show could go wrong. So let’s see. More lewd would make this already kinda-lewd show somewhat intolerable (Okusama ga Seitokaichou). The new characters could be annoying (Chuunibyou). Old characters can get annoying (also Okusama). They don’t tweak the formula for funny and things get stale (KonoSuba). Characters could suddenly change personalities into ones I don’t like or ones that ruin the dynamic of the show (GochiUsa). The genre shifts suddenly into one I don’t like (Oregairu/Saekano) I mean there’s a lot of ways this could go wrong. My point I guess is that I don’t want to ponder it too deeply. It’ll definitely be in the back of my mind, and I’ll keep expectations low throughout the season (not just before the season like I did with Demi-chan). But I’ll just enjoy the ride for the most part. Because like always, at the end of the day I watch anime for entertainment.

Tsurezure Children: Ah yeah, give me more of that vanilla romance. This show is a collection of many many couples’ stories. Which means if you don’t like a couple, just wait for the next one. It’s also a short, which is great given this show looks to be skit-based with a focus on many couples in a given episode. I’m always down for some nice romance shows, so I’m looking forward to it. If it ends up being anything close to Honobono Log it’ll be a favorite.

Short Leash Shows

Aho Girl: So I’ve actually read the source material for this show. It’s... okay. It’s not bad, but it’s nothing special. So imagine my surprise when I saw it was getting an anime adaptation. Meanwhile I sit here waiting for Horimiya or Kaguya-sama Wants to Be Confessed To adaptation news...

Anyway, this show is about a really stupid girl and the poor soul who hangs out with her. All the funnies revolve around the stupidity of said girl and the guy who becomes the straight man. The show is in short format to fit the 4-koma format of the original source. Real talk though, even if this show was perfectly adapted I don’t think it’ll be anything higher than a 6/10 for me. But I might as well give it a shot, since it’s a short anyway, and I like anime. This is my life now.

Centaur no Nayami: In the same vein as Demi-chan and MonMusu (to an extent), we have this show about the life of a centaur living among other supernatural beings. I don’t know too much about this show other than the plot, so it could honestly go in any direction. If it doesn’t go the lewd (MonMusu) or the weird romance angle (Demi-chan), I think it has a chance of being a pretty relaxed show about the life of a centaur. Other factors ignored. Actually, what I find interesting is the studio making this, a Chinese animation company famous for making not-so-famous shows like To Be Hero, Cheating Craft, and Hitori no Shita. I don’t think that’s a good sign though when the first show in that list is probably their best one and I haven’t heard of the other shows they made. So I’m not too optimistic about this one, but plot-wise it does look interesting, which is nice for now.

Dive!!: How fitting for the season of summer. This show is about a diving team on the verge of closing. When suddenly, the coach asks to keep it open on the condition that one of the peeps from the team represents Japan in the Olympics. Wao, such ambition.

I don’t know much about this show, so I can’t say much about it. Plot-wise, it’s interesting given there aren’t much diving shows (if any). The studio though is the reason why I have this show in Short Leash instead of Full Chance. The studio is responsible for making... Piace: Watashi no Italian, Tsugumomo, and (the kicker) Battery. Yes, the same Battery that contends for the worst anime I’ve ever seen. So yeah, I’m a bit wary. But I’ll give it a shot, why not?

Hajimete no Gal: Sigh... this is my life now. Again. This show is about the life of harem main-protagonist #234852 and his scumbag friends in his quest to find a girlfriend. Because that’s all life is about. And if you don’t have one you’re a sad sack of stupid. Somehow, the gyaru girl MC asked out says yes, and shenanigans happen. I remember reading the manga for this a long time ago, and thinking “what the fudge is this baloney” (curse words changed). I mean seriously look at this. I have several questions, none of which pertain to the show’s plot (more like PLOT amirite).

Okay, bias aside, this show has the potential to be an interesting show about subverting expectations... in a way. There’s a reason why this show is in Short Leash and not One Chance, and that right there is pretty much it. As you can tell from the above paragraph this type of show isn’t really my thing. But that doesn’t mean I’ll just flat out dismiss it. I’ll give it a chance. A fair chance: I’ll keep an open mind to it. But if it is really that bad, then refer to the first paragraph for an “I told you so”.

Koi to Uso: Firstly, the plot of the show sounds pretty interesting. Here’s the description straight from MAL:

Lies are forbidden and love is doubly forbidden. In the near future, when young people in Japan turn sixteen, they are assigned a marriage partner by the government. People don't have to go through the trouble of looking for someone, and everyone accepts that the country will find a compatible partner to make them happy. Yukari Nejima is fifteen years old. He lives in a small corner of the country, and just can't seem to get ahead in life. Both academically and athletically he's below average. But within him, he hides a heart burning with passion! In this world in which love is forbidden, what will happen to him when he falls in love?

So yeah, that piqued my interest, and there wasn’t any obvious red flags, so I initially put it on my Full Chance list. But a few days ago one of my friends found out about the adaptation and responded, I quote:

“did Koi to Uso really get an anime”

“really”

Now he never said anything beyond that, so it’s kind of a moot point, you would think. Except this dude has some good taste, liking the same shows I like and the same characters I like (for the most part). Thus, I’m kinda wary about this show now. Stupid reason, I know, but trust your friends and trust your enemies closer. Or something like that. We’ll see what the deal is with this show soon enough, I guess.

Konbini Kareshi: So I remember reading about this show in an article about a convenience store in Japan sponsoring an anime. And now it’s real. Hmm. Well, corporate sponsorships aside, this show looks to be pretty interesting. It’s about a group of friends’ lives revolving around a convenience store. Yeah, sounds about right. I mean, I’m not expecting much from this show, so if it does end up being a nice slice-of-life (with romance maybe?), I’ll be pleasantly surprised.

Made in Abyss: So I’ve heard good things about this one, but I don’t trust people anymore after I’ve been betrayed by their expectations multiple times. This show is a fantasy, so it’s kinda already out of my range of liked genres. The story is basically that there’s a giant abyss, people explore it, there’s a kid who wants to explore it when he grows up, his mom’s exploring it, and then he meets a robot boy, and stuff happens. Simple, right? Well, idk, it’s honestly kinda boring to me. And the character design looks weird. So why the heck do I have it on my list, much less on Short Leash? Well I might as well give it a chance, in case it is as people say it is. Benefit of the doubt and all that. And I feel like one episode isn’t enough to give it, so Short Leash it is.

One Chance Shows

(Editor/Writer’s Note: This is around the point where I got bored of writing these summaries. Notice how the posts get shorter and snarkier the further down you go. Isn’t that fun.)

(Also SO MANY SHOWS WHY.)

Gamers!: Look generic in every aspect: story, character design, etc. But sure, let’s watch an episode because this is my life now.

Isekai Shokudou: One of TWO shows with “isekai” in the title. One of them is apparently not actually isekai, but I don’t remember which one it is. This one is about some restaurant that serves normal people, and on Saturdays serves the same food to otherworldly creatures. Oh, so it’s this one. I mean this honestly sounds pretty interesting, but it’s so out there in idea that I just put it here. Though honestly it’s a hybrid Short Leash/One Shot show.

Isekai wa Smartphone to Tomo ni: And then there’s this one which is about a guy who... surprise... gets transported to another world. Wow, that’s so original and I’ve never heard of it before. But wait, plot twist. He has his CELLPHONE. WOW. Truly a revolutionary idea that’ll sell all of the source material! (Actually that could be true... at least the second half of it).

Keppeki Danshi Aoyama-kun: This show’s about a guy who’s a genius soccer player who’s also fastidious, which for those of you who didn’t study your SAT vocabulary, means “very attentive to and concerned about accuracy and detail”. Interesting enough idea, so I’ll give it a shot.

Nana Maru San Batsu: A show about the world of competitive quizzes. Finally, I can learn about the subject which has eluded me for so long! Truly, anime is a blessing.

In all seriousness, sounds interesting enough, so, yes, I’ll give it an episode.

Netsuzou TRap: And here it is, ladies and gentlemen: the “Degenerate Otaku Show of the Season”! Featuring stuff such as yuri, NTR, and drama, it’s about two girls who are friends who have boyfriends, but find they’re more than just “friends”. To be fair, I didn’t want to watch this at first. But then I found out it was a short (10 minutes), and so I just put it on the list because why not.

Nora to Oujo to Noraneko Heart: Oh my god that description is too long. I guess this show’s about a girl and a cat. Sure, why not. And something with a princess, and one of them is probably named Nora. My knowledge of Japanese is truly great (/s).

THE REFLECTION: Okay, what the actual F is this description:

After THE REFLECTION, some of the people in all parts of the world are discovered with super powers. Some become heroes, and others villains. How did the Reflection happen? What was the cause of it? With many unsolved mysteries, the world is lead into turmoil.

I learned almost nothing from this description other than SUPERHEROES. But yeah sure, I’ll watch an episode.

Youkoso Jitsuryoku Shijou Shugi no Kyoushitsu e (why is the title so long): The best way I’ve heard this show described is a serious version of Baka to Test, which I’ve never watched. But the character designs look pretty good, so I’ll watch it I guess.

And that’s (finally) it! That was a journey, filled with 19 shows in total. I definitely won’t finish all of these though, maybe half at best, because let’s be honest most of these shows will suck. But hey, maybe there’s a show out there I didn’t list here that’s good. And maybe one of these One Shot shows ends up being good. That’s the fun of anime: finding hidden gems. Also watching it. That’s pretty important too.

Well, thanks for reading this long monstrosity. And yeah, I’ll see you in the next post!

[i-mr-couch-blog]

A Brief History in the Hosts of Horror

Whether you’re face to face with Aliens, Mummies, Vampires, Werewolves, Zombies, Ghouls or Ghosts you’ll always need someone to show you the way. Thus, the introduction of the Horror Host was created, but where did it all begin? It all started with a promotional package of movies called Shock!, which consisted of 51 feature length films. So why was this promotional package of films so important? Well, in the packet it specifically goes into detail on how to host the films whether it was a live viewing or on a television network. It went into detail about how to participate with the audience, contests, and theming that the stations to utilize. It promoted synergy within the station by utilizing the other programing, like suggesting the live news program to interview a different monster every week to promote the show. This promotional package did so well that they made a second catalogue grouping called Son of Shock. These are inevitably the beginning of a new style of programing that no one had ever seen before.

 Some of the United States’ famous horror host are Chilly Billy, Ghoulardi, Vampira, Elvira, and Zacherly. Each one bringing something a little more unique to the table to make their programing that much more enticing. Although some of these host’s programs eventually became syndicated and shown across the country, each one started out on local channels. Now we see them as essential horror icons of nostalgia’s past. I can personally say that I remember vividly the first time I saw Elvira light up the screen and spew some sarcastic remarks before the begin of a film. Not to mention, her sense of eye-catching “style” that comes with her character’s persona. In order to truly appreciate the genre, art, and effort that goes into a horror host program we really need to dive into the history and style of the great performers that dawn the robes and makeup to guide us through tales of terror and macabre motion pictures of ghosts and ghouls.

 In a world filled with creatures and features Chilly Billy Cardille rose to fame as the classiest horror host to be seen. He wore a suit and tie but as time went on so did his formalities as he traded his suit in for a tux. The thing that really set him apart was his fast-talking nightclub crooner act mixed with skits from his two lovely assistants, one castle keeper, and a little prankster. The mod squad 60’s style is what gave his act flair and his innuendos is what he will really be remembered for best. It felt more like a variety show with a horror twist added on, it was fresh it was new, but it also gave that good old monster vibe. It was interesting to watch him perform each and every task that the Shock movie package suggested but as his own crooning character. This is why we regard him as one of our top most influential horror hosts.  

 Next on our list we have the one and only Ghoulardi the fanatical mad scientist. He hypnotized us with his warping spinning frame while he entertained and set off the “Boom Booms.” You would often find him smoking away and slaying time by blowing up things. It became so popular the fans began to send in spooky items for him to blow up on live TV. Nothing beats a night of fright and explosives and this mad scientist just couldn’t resist. The man behind the lab coat was Ernie Anderson and actually was under contract with the local TV station. Tim Conway actually got his start on Ghoulardi writing with Ernie for his skit portions of the night and boy can you tell their absurdist comedy clicked. It was truly Ghoulardi’s relaxed antihero persona that ended up being his defining characteristic. It allowed viewers to feel like they could kick back and watch his intoxicated self, perform prop gags galore between the film, blow things up and puff away on his cigarette.

 Although her career as a horror host was short lived, she really became the model for all horror hosts. It did help that she was one of the very first to have a horror hosting show, even though it only ran for one year in 1954. Her look was derived from Morticia Adams but tighter with a neckline that plunged even deeper. Her hair flowed long and black as she cascaded and seemingly floated down the fog filled hallway, candelabras on either side, and just as her face came up to fill the screen she lets out a blood curling scream to begin the show. Vampira formerly known as Maila Nurmi, was a young actress with an impossible figure of 36-17-36. She originally worked as a model for men’s magazines, and at nights a burlesque dancer. The popular comic The Adams Family was booming in the 50’s and although the characters didn’t have names yet their style and taste for the macabre was alluring. Her breakthrough actually came through at a Halloween party in 1953 when she crafted a prototype of her Vampira character dawning the tight black plunging dress, and the rest was history. It truly was her elegant, gothic, horror filled, yet sexy style that enticed viewers and set the tone for horror hosts to come.

 You can see Vampira’s handiwork in another famous horror host who took her act and cranked it up to eleven. You probably know her as Elvira, Mistress of the dark. This sharp toungued, quick witted, dark, valley girl really put a face to horror hosts. She is remembered for her style, look, and a sharp mind to keep all the boys at bay. Formally known as Cassandra Peterson, she began her career with a trip to Las Vegas and became one of the youngest showgirls ever at the age of 17, with written permission from her parents of course. There she actually dated Elvis for a brief time and posed for Playboy. After this she joined The Groundlings improv troupe to improve her acting, it was here that she was picked up to hose Movie Macabre and dawn the black beehive wig to cover up her strawberry blonde locks. When you think of horror host you think Elvira mainly due to her popularity and sass that she brought about the old films she was showing and quickly became broadcast nationwide instead of just a local channel. After this she got her own movie, Elvira, Mistress of the dark. This lead to more and more programming and even a sequel to her film. Thanks to Elvira horror hosting was once again risen from the grave to creep upon a modern generation of viewers.

  Lastly we end our list with Zacherly, the cool ghoul who embodies the perfect stereotype for a horror host. His character was always in character, you always believed that he was a real ghoul. He staked his “Dear” when he got upset and pulled them out when he was happier. His snarky words, to quick witted mumblings he embodied a Renfield-esk character quick to maim those who defy him. He was also the first to utilize film splicing to make himself appear in the film as a body on a morgue slab or, in “The Mummy,” a mysterious figure in a fez behind a beaded curtain. It made his film worth watching because they were unique and added that extra twist of disbelief. This is what made him such a fantastic horror host for every generation to learn from.

 Today we have new hosts who are utilizing the new forms of distribution and media to reach more markets. With so many advancements it great to see the old techniques and concepts have still remained the same. A new trend setting host goes by the name of Johnny Necropolis a dead crooner who encourages sophistication, inebriation, and swank when visiting his Cinema Cemetery. His style feels like a blend of Vincent Price and Sinatra. He also provides more information surrounding the film instead of solely talking about himself. It is a fresh new look at an old programing style. A huge new asset that he brings is classic films in HD for free via YouTube. This is something that is so simply yet so difficult to find. The copies are almost always artifact. His style emulates Chilly Billy, Elvira, and Zacherly all rolled up into one. He adds less cleavage and more class at higher qualities.

 Sources

Cardille, B. (n.d.). Bill Cardille History. Retrieved January 22, 2017, from http://www.chillertheatermemories.com/BillCardille.html

Cassandra Peterson. (2016, June 13). Retrieved January 22, 2017, from http://www.biography.com/people/cassandra-peterson-17175750#elvira-mistress-of-the-dark

Dealer, J. P. (2013, January 12). Cleveland's Ghoulardi went on the air 50 years ago and cast his spell over the city. Retrieved January 22, 2017, from http://www.cleveland.com/tv/index.ssf/2013/01/clevelands_ghoulardi_went_on_t.html

Grimes, W. (2016, October 28). John Zacherle, Host With a Ghoulish Perspective, Dies at 98. Retrieved January 22, 2017, from https://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/29/arts/television/john-zacherle-dies.html?_r=0

Lowbrow, Y. (2015, October 16). SHOCK! A Fabulous 1958 Universal Studios Horror Movies Pressbook |. Retrieved January 22, 2017, from http://flashbak.com/shock-a-fabulous-1958-universal-studios-horror-movies-pressbook-42958/

 Poole, W. S. (2014, September 02). The rise and fall of Vampira, dark goddess of horror. Retrieved January 22, 2017, from http://boingboing.net/2014/09/03/the-rise-and-fall-of-vampira.html