#he’s like ITS SO CLICHE BRO ITS HALLMARK

[a-walking-fandom-reference]

obsessed with this old man i found on imdb who reviews hallmark movies and hates them all but has watched over 600 of them

[thisaintascenereviews]

Jimmy Fallon - Holiday Seasoning

Well, it’s November, and that means you fall into one of two camps: Christmas season is here, or you wait until after Thanksgiving to start. I used to be in the latter camp, but I’ve grown a huge liking to Christmas music the last couple of years, so I’ve decided to start listening to this music early. Coincidentally, Jimmy Fallon, of all people, dropped a new holiday album on November 1st. I say “holiday,” and not Christmas, because this isn’t technically a Christmas album. He did an interview with Paste Magazine about it, and talked about the process behind writing it, but I was oddly looking forward to this, especially for its guest spots.

The album has quite a bit of top tier collaborators, including Justin Timberlake, The Jonas Brothers, Meghan Trainor, Ariana Grande, Megan Thee Stallion, Dolly Parton, Weird Al, and The Roots, as well as some non-musical guests, like Will Ferrell, Cara Delevingne, and Chelsea Handler. I also like that this album is solely full of original songs, and while it’s touted as a comedy album, it’s got some heart and warmth to it, too. In that Paste Interview, Fallon talks about why this album is full of original songs, because it’s harder to write original songs than it is to just recycle the same Christmas canon. There are way too many covers of the same few Christmas songs, and I wanted to hear some original songs, so this was a nice surprise.

It’s even more of a surprise when I found that this album is actually quite good. You’d think that an album like this wouldn’t be very good, or half-baked at best, but I’ll be damned, I’ve been coming back to this one a lot and having a lot of fun with it. The thing is, you can’t look too deep into this record, because it’s a comedy album. You can look at whether or not the songs are funny, but if you want a lot of meaning and depth here, you won’t get it. There are some songs that are just straight up fun, like the disco-tinged “Holiday” with the Jonas Brothers, “Hey Rudy” with The Roots that’s an ode to Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer, or “It Was A… (Masked Christmas)” with Ariana Grande and Megan Thee Stallion. That latter track is an odd choice, because it came out a few years ago, so why is it here? I don’t know, but it’s got a good hook, so I have a ball with it.

The songs with a comedic bent, versus trying to just be outright fun, are a hit or miss, but there are more hits than misses. “You’ll Be There” with Justin Timberlake is a highlight, both for its acoustic R&B sound and for the joke of spending Christmas with your best bros. “Hallmark Movie” with Cara Delevigne is a fun one, basically parodying Hallmark movies and the joke “twist” is pretty fun. Even the song with Weird Al is fun, despite being a New Year’s Eve polka, but there are a few that teeter the line between being funny and annoying. “Chipmunks and Chestnuts” has a good idea for a joke, and the song is short, thankfully, but it just doesn’t work as well as other tracks. “Merry Happy Christmas” is the same way, where the joke is there, but it gets to be slightly annoying by the time the song is done.

Where the album also shines is when Fallon is on his own, especially as a singer-songwriter. “How You Know It’s Christmastime,” “Weird Cousin,” and “Thanksgiving Eve” are really good, albeit quieter and more relaxed. That makes the jokes in the latter two work a bit better, whether it’s about your literal weird cousin who shows up at holidays or a Bob Dylan song about the day before Thanksgiving. Even “Coquito” is a lot of fun, going away from the cliche of eggnog and opting for tequila. There was a lot of care and thought put into these songs, even the ones I’m not as fond of. I just really like this album, and I think this album came out at the perfect time, especially with recent news. This is a fun, warm, and inviting holiday comedy album that people can listen to and have a good time with. Sometimes that’s all we need, especially during this time of year.

[certifiedskywalker]

Pomegranate Chapstick - Peter Parker

It’s Winter in New York City. Not that movie magic kind of Winter that reeks of mistletoe and Hallmark channel cliches. No, it’s no longer the Holiday Season and everyone is back to school after Winter Break. Peter Parker is happy to be back because being back means being able to see you again. Though, something is different about you but he just can’t place it.

“What is it?”

“Y/N…”

“Yeah?” Ned looked in the same direction as Peter, who, suddenly self conscious, turned his friend back around to face him. “What is it?”

“Don’t, don’t look! I just…” Peter found that his eyes trailed back over to where you talking with MJ. Your eyes were bright, hands gesturing about you as your friend shared you into a passion. Despite your movements, Peter found himself drawn back to your smile.

“Something’s different,” he finished, “but I don’t know what.” 

“It’s only been like two weeks. It was Christmas literally a few days ago.” Peter glanced warily at Ned before he looked back to you. You were still smiling. The sight made his chest tighten, stole his breath directly from his lungs. “Pete?”

“You remember Homecoming,” Peter pointed out as he met Ned’s eyes, “that all happened in a week and I almost died. Twice! Anything could have happened over break.”

Peter let his eyes wander back to you. Whatever MJ was discussing with you was enthralling. You were completely consumed, cheeks flushed and eyes wide. Slightly hidden under all of the layers of Winter clothing you were wearing, you looked warm, aflamed and bright. Suddenly, you threw your head back, laughing at something MJ had said.

The sound sent a shiver down Peter’s spine that he tried to pass off as a response to the cold. He pulled the sleeves of his jacket over his chilled hands and adjusted the strap of his backpack that dug into his shoulder. Ned blinked at him a few times, too close of a friend to not notice Peter’s nervous ticks. 

Eventually, Ned glanced over in your direction too. “Well, Y/N seemed alright. We had Advanced Geometry together and we talked.”

Peter’s eyes widened. “Really? Did anything happen?”

“From what Y/N said, your Winter break was way more eventful, Spiderman.” 

Peter knocked the back of his hand against Ned’s shoulder to hush him. Classmates continued to file out of the school, laughing and chatting about the less than glorious return to academia. Peter eyed them all as they stepped down the stairs to the streets of the city. None of his peers seemed to have picked up on Peter’s secret. Satisfied his identity was safe, Peter glanced at Ned with a warning balanced in his frown.

“Sorry,” Ned said, raising his hands. 

“Gotta be more careful.” Peter glanced around at the faces of his classmates once more. Everyone was too caught up in leaving school for the day to notice the worried look on his face. All except you when Peter accidentally met your eyes. Quickly, he tore his gaze away and stared directly, wide-eyed, at Ned.

“What?”

“Y/N.” Ned glanced over in your direction.

“Headed over with MJ. Why?”

Peter’s face warmed to the point where the scarf wrapped around his jaw was pointless. “And? Does...is...do I look okay?”

Ned squinted before his lips broke into a wide grin. A laugh rattled in his chest and Peter felt a fresh wave of panic wash over his shoulders. 

“What?! Do I look-”

“Hey losers,” MJ greeted, standing by your side. Peter glanced at the curly-haired girl before he saw you gently elbowed her shoulder. He met your eyes and felt his lips instinctively curl up in a lopsided smile.

“Hi,” Peter said softly as he tried to steady his breathing. Now, with you closer, he tried to study you, sleuth out what was different.

“Hey! Do you guys wanna do something? Hang out?” 

Your smile was still as bright as your eyes as you asked. Maybe it was the ruddiness in your cheeks, spurred on by the cold that made you seem changed? No, that was too simple. 

“Nah, I gotta work,” MJ said. 

“Wow, you got a job?” Ned asked, causing Peter to glance away from your face for a moment. When he looked back to you, Peter found that you were looking at him. Though, you quickly looked to MJ, waiting for her reply.

“Yeah, over break. At the QuikMart.”

Maybe you got a haircut or, possibly, you dyed your hair and the color was fading back to it’s natural tone. Aunt May had dyed her hair a dark red one year. Peter remembered thinking there was blood in the tub when the pigment started to wash out. Though, even with his ‘Spidey-vision’, as Ned called it, Peter couldn’t detect a color.

“Awesome. Can you get me free slushies?” 

“Bro, I don’t even get free slushies,” MJ replied, frowning at Ned. “I gotta go, can’t be late. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

“See ya,” you said, waving off your friend as MJ walked along the snowy sidewalks. Peter swallowed hard when you looked back to him and Ned. “What about you two?”

“I told my mom I’d be back after school to help her with my lola, my grandma.” Peter’s brow furrowed and he turned his head to look at Ned. “Really? You need help?”

“No, she’s coming over to make some food,” Ned explained as he started down the steps of the school. “I’m mom’s moral support.”

“Oh…”

“Well, have fun with that,” you said, bringing Peter’s eyes back to focus on you. “Maybe next time then.”

Ned let out another laugh. It was eerily similar to the laugh he gave Peter when he asked if he looked okay. Something about the sound made Peter’s stomach twist. 

“You two have fun!” Ned’s shout disappeared after him, down the sidewalk and into the city. His words left you and Peter alone. You glanced back to him with a soft smile on your lips. Peter couldn’t help but smile back at you, even though he did so nervously. His eyes flickered up to yours then back to your lips.

While your smile was unchanged, still yours and beautiful, he kept coming back to your lips. It had to be your lips that were different and Peter leaned in slightly to figure out how. Your eyes widened slightly and Peter’s face burned with realization.

“Uh, sorry,” Peter shifted back and let his gaze fall. “So, what do you wanna do?”

“I-I...to be honest, I don’t know. I just missed you over Winter break. Missed, all of you, I mean. MJ and Ned, and you.” You held Peter’s eyes for a fleeting glance before you busied yourself wiping snow off the steps with your boot. 

“Yeah, I,” Peter felt his chest tightened again, “I missed you too, Y/N.”

You looked back up at him, met his brown eyes and gave him a closed-lip smile. Silence fell over the two of you but it wasn’t uncomfortable. It was easy, not tension filled and heavy. Being with you was always easy for Peter but this new nervousness that bloomed over Winter break was difficult to manage. He couldn’t let his eyes linger on you too long until fear took hold.

The silence too had its limit. “We should head over to the library maybe. You have Ms. Turner for chem, right? We could study together if you want.”

Peter fought the urge to cringe as his suggestion. In his head, it sounded better, more thought through. He had missed you and wanted to spend time with you. So, naturally, he had to recommend the quiet library. Maybe he was the one that was different, more awkward.

“Sure, yeah!” You started down the steps and Peter trailed after you. “She’s new and I’m a bit nervous about how she tests.”

“I’m nervous too,” Peter agreed as he fell into step beside you. “About the test.”

Peter glanced at you from the corner of his eyes and saw that you were already looking at him. Quickly, you both looked away from the other and started to walk silently towards the library. Every so often, Peter felt your gloved hand against the skin of his bare knuckles. Each time you touched him, a new sense of curiosity struck him. This quietness was different, he wasn’t sure that he liked it, and your hidden change still gnawed at him.

Mr. Stark had given Peter many words of wisdom. Always ask questions was, seemingly, his motto when it came to his ‘internship’. Though, Peter couldn’t find the words. Everytime he did, he second guessed. 

Hey, what did you get up to over break? New style? No, no, no! It had to be your smile. He was stuck on your smile, your lips. 

Finally, with nerves and desperation bubbling up inside, Peter let the words come out without thinking. “Y/N, are you wearing like lipstick or something?”

You laughed, drawing the attention of those around you. The last crosswalk before the library was fast approaching and Peter needed to find out what had changed before you were both doomed to a respectable quiet. 

“Lipstick? No, I am wearing tinted chapstick though.”

“Oh,” Peter’s brow furrowed, “I guess maybe that’s what’s different.”

“Different?” At your amused tone, Peter looked at you, brown eyes searching your face. There was a softness in his eyes and stole your breath away. His lips turned up slightly at the corners, the gentlest smile you had ever seen.

“You just...you look-”

A car horn, loud, alarming, and terribly frightening ripped through the air. Peter reacted to the sound, lurching forwards and wrapping his arms around your waist. Even with your bag slung halfway on your back, Peter was able to catch you as you nearly fell into the street. The car horn faded into the distance but your attention shifted from death to Peter in an instant. 

“Beautiful,” he finished. 

Finally, it clicked. You hadn’t changed, but the way Peter saw you had. The way he saw your lips had shifted too. More enticing than ever before. 

“Peter, I…” 

“Oh, yeah, yeah,” Peter said, quickly helping you back to your feet and out of the crosswalk. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” you said with a swallow breath. Peter’s hands were still on you, thumbs gently rubbing your coat-covered, upper arm. Your eyes lingered on Peter, unable to tear them away.

His breath, and yours, came out in small clouds, chilled by the cold. Together, you made your own atmosphere and shared the same air. Adrenaline pumped through Peter’s veins, filled, not with curisoulity anymore, but want. He took a step closer. 

“Y/N?” 

“Yes?” You found yourself coaxed closer by his warmth. 

“Can...can I kiss you?”

You smiled again and nodded. “Yes.”

Peter leaned in and pressed his lips to yours. His fingers dug into the material of your coat softly. One of your hands reached up, cupped his face and accidentally knocked his hat off of his brown curls. Neither of you cared and, instead, savored your shared late-Winter kiss. Peter’s hands trailed up your arms until they gently held your jaw, keeping your lips on his.

Peter’s eyes stayed closed and a smile plastered on his face when you pulled away. A chuckle passed over your lips when you saw how your tinted chapstick left a faint stain on Peter’s lips. Carefully, you used your thumb and wiped what residue you saw away. Peter’s eyes opened at the touch and his smile widened.

“Pomegranate?”

“You like it?”

Peter pulled you in for another kiss after saying, “I love it.”

[blood-gulch-reds]

Here is my secret Valentime's day fic for @not-madder-red !! Enjoy :)

When Dexter Grif was in highschool, Valentine's day was a day to be spent alone in his room downing discount chocolate by the package and rewatching season 253 of the bachelor, criticising the stupid people on the trash TV, and secretly wishing he had someone to laugh at the bachelor with. Over all, Grif never really cared about Valentine's day. But now that he actually had someone to watch TV with, he felt as though he owed it to Simmons to do something... Nice for Valentine's day.

While this mind set of niceness was... Well... Nice, it presented a set of problems. First off, Grif and Simmons had only just started dating ( if you could call watching star trek holding hands instead of not holding hands a date) for 4 Earth months. So in a romantic sense, Grif was absolutely in the dark about what Simmons enjoyed romantically. Secondly, Grif never really did Valentine's day and had no idea where to begin. Did Simmons expect roses? Did he think Grif would get him chocolates in a cardboard box? Out of all the things that the happy couple had talked about before tying the knot, romance was one subject that was never brought up to often.

And lastly, Grif had completely forgotten about Valentine's day until he woke up (at noon) to find that Donut had decorated the whole base with hearts cut out pink and red construction paper and plenty of glitter.

"Rise and shine buddy! Happy Valentine's day!" Donut sang from the kitchen,where he was preparing heart shaped sandwiches. 

Realization hit Grif like a bag of bricks and his face showed it. The only thing he was capable of saying was "I forgot it was Valentine's day". He slumped down into a chair at the kitchen table and donut set a plate down in front of him with a ham and mustard sandwich (sans the crust) cut in the shape of a heart with chips on the side.

Donut smiled curiously as he began to wash dishes. "Sure is!" He chirped in a chipper tone. He turned the water off and grabbed a dish towel to dry off some plates. "Hey, I could have sworn you didn't do Valentine's day? Why the change of... Heart?" He Snickered at his own stupid joke and thought Grif didn't show it (or any emotion besides shock for that matter) his distaste for the pun was immeasurable. 

"Well..." Grif began, absent mindedly taking a bite out of the sandwich. "Ia neavur- mm-" he decided to finish chewing the food in is mouth before talking, an unusually civil thing of him to do. Donut picked up on this gesture immediately and deemed whatever Griff was about to say as extremely important. He put away the plate he was holding and gracefully sat down at the seat across the table from where Grif was seated. "Mm damn that's a good sandwich. Where was I? Oh, right" Grif wiped his mouth with a napkin and took a breath. "I never really felt like... Well I never really got the whole point of it, y'know?" Donut nodded intently, slowly leaning more and more forward. "It's a fuckin Hallmark holiday- a chance for the big corporations to make money or whaterever and a chance to pick up some discounted candy for the lowly working man. But now that..." Grif drifted off for a moment, a slight ting coming to his cheeks. His eyes wandered elsewhere and Donut dared not to disturb him. "Now that Simmons and I... are a thing... I think I get it. I wanted to make our first Valentine's day special and like, get him something? but now it's just too late" Grif finished. A look of genuine disappointment spread across his face.

Donut perked up. Finally, a moment in need of his expertise!  "Too late? That's totally not true at all!" Grif looked up hopefully. If he was trying to hide his inner dialogue, he was failing miserably. "Look Grif, you've got the whole rest of the day to figure out what you're going to get the love of your life for your guy's first ever Valentine's day together as soul mates!!" Grif shrunk down into his hoodie and let out a groan. Donut pressed on anyway. "If you don't know what to get him, why not pick some flowers for him? It's shallow, but shows that you're trying".

Grif sat up and thought for a moment. "That's... That's not a bad idea." Grif then stood up and scarfed down what was left of the sandwich before walking towards the door. "Maybe I can turn this thing around... I don't have a ton of time but," he stoped and smiled to himself. "It's worth a shot. Thanks for the food Donut!" He said as he closed the door behind him.

Donut yelled "Wait! You forgot to put your dish away-" but Grif was already out the door. Donut rolled his eyes and placed the used dish in the sink. "These love birds..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

12:30 p.m.

Grif was gitty to get Simmons the perfect gift and, although Donut's flower idea was cute, he deemed him correct in saying it was a bit cliche. Grif wanted something a little more personal, and who better to ask about relationship then his ever romantic sister.

When Grif walked over to the 'blue house', as they had dubbed it, there was the ever familiar scent of burnt toast and chaos in the air. Before Grif could even process what was going on, there was a loud crash as panini press came flying through the window, followed by even louder yelling from Kai.

"ITS NOT THAT FUCKING HARD BRO I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW YOU BURNED- oh hey Dex!" Kai stormed out of the house, fuming, but her tone quickly changed when she saw her brother. Grif was stunned, but tried to quicky get over it as he had a job to do.

"Hey, Kaikaina. I had a question if you're not busy-"

"WHY IS THE WINDOW BROKEN? tUCKER‽" Washington's voice rang shrill in Grif's ears. Kai's face went pale.

"Why don't we take a walk?" She offered with a guilty smile. Grif pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.

"Yeah- ok that sounds good." The two of them walked toward the shore. Although they'd never talk about it aloud, the beach here fondly reminded them of home. Not the chaos of thier mother, nor the periods of time without food, but the gentle laughter they shared making each other feel better. Grif decided to start off with some light conversation. "Soooo," he began "what was that all about"

"Uhg it's bullshit! It all started last night when Tucker got drunk and put his dick in a-" 

"Woah! Ok never mind! Jesus Christ...", Said Grif, who realised there was no use trying to decipher blue team's bull shit and it would probably be best to just get to the point. "Look it's Valentine's day and I wanna get something nice for Simmons. Any ideas?"

Kaikaina stood still for a moment, just looking at the ground in awe. "I thought... I thought you didn't do Valentine's day."

Grif flushed "yeah well, things are different now". He was going to stop there but quickly added on, "and I only got like, a couple hours so... If you have any suggestions I'd like to hear 'em".  

Kai lit up like a Christmas tree. " 'if I have any ideas'? Bro I've been waiting for you get laid on Valentine's day since we were in highschool!" Grif's cheeks and ears darkened in tone while the patch of Simmons skin on his right cheek turned bright red. 

"Just get on with it!" 

Kai smiled. " Ok ok... You need a gift idea? Here's one: get him something he's been talking about for a few weeks." Grif was about to thank Kai for her genuinely good advice before she continued, "that way he'll know that you're a good listener and be way more eager to let you go down on him like a tow truck!!"

"I second that! Chicks- er- bottoms are totally into good listeners!" Said Tucker, who had appeared our of seemingly nowhere.

"Where the fuck did you come from???" Kai inquired, shifting her weight onto one hip.

"Oh, you know-"

"No. We don't." Grif interjected.

Tucker shrugged. "I needed to get away from base for a while. It's was getting to chaotic for me-

"That and Wash probably threatened to skin him for burning breakfast and breaking a window" Kai teased. Grif smiled at Kai's remark and watched Tucker throw his hands up defensively.

"Hey! First of all, you broke that window. Secondly, I needed some space from caboose! He's all emotional because it's Valentine's day. He misses church." 

Grif suddenly had an idea. No one was more... Soft? Innocently romantic? Genuinely kind?? Then caboose. Kai and Tucker were bickering like lovers often do (not that they were together... Or maybe they were? Grif didn't know, nor did he want to know) so he slipped away and he was off to find Caboose.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1:20 pm.

When Grif finally made it to the blue's house, things had seemed to settle down. He let himself in and found a very defeated wash sitting at the kitchen table, clutching a cat shaped mug. Carolina was looming over him, clearly trying to be comforting. They both looked up when Grif came in, but otherwise didn't acknowledge his presence. 

"Uh... Hey. Is caboose around?" 

Wash mumbled into his mug, "how did he burn a bowl of cereal…." 

"Yes, I think he's on the roof" said Carolina, who looked sympathetic and tired.

Grif noded and showed himself upstairs. The aftermath of whatever happened this morning clearly has left it's scars on everyone and Grif and absolutely no intention of finding out the full compendium of events that had occurred. He made his way into the attic and through the small window on the south facing side of the house that led to a flat, sturdy spot on the roof. The Reds' and Blues' houses were built exactly the same, but they mirrored each other. Sarge absolutely refused to believe that the houses were identical and claimed that the Red house had three more roofing tiles, making it superior. 

Grif opened the window and crawled out onto the roof to find Caboose sitting with Church's helmet, a glass of orange juice, a copy of the old earth show Friends, and a red heart shaped paper folded down the middle. Grif felt bad disturbing him, but it had to be done. "Uh, hey man. Happy Valentine's day…"

Caboose looked up (he had been looking at the clouds) and smiled. "Hi Gruff!!! Happy Valentime's day" he look around as if something were the matter. "Where is Cinnamons? It is Valentime's day and you two aren't together?" 

Grif crawled up next to him and pulled out a bag of Hershey's kisses. He offered some to Caboose and said "yeah about that… I want to get him a gift but I don't know what to get him. I figured you might have an idea?". 'Why am I even asking?' he thought to himself. 'if Donut, Kai, and Tucker of all people couldn't give me good enough advice why am I even here‽ Desperation?'. 

Caboose was quiet for a moment before thoughtfully saying, "when church was still here, he didn't like it very much when I gave him hugs, but he really liked this one show?" He held up the copy of Friends, and Grif nodded intently. "So we would watch it together alot! On Valentime's day, I would make him a card like this one-" he pointed to the red heart shaped paper and Grif noticed that there was writing on the inside. Not Caboose's writing because the penmanship had bitchy (and legible) undertones. He concluded that it was Church's card to Caboose and suddenly Grif started to put everything together. "I liked cards and he liked Friends! So we did that together. I miss him alot sometimes", Caboose concluded. 

Grif tapped him on the shoulder. "I know man. We miss him too." There was a moment of bitter sweet silence before Grif said,"thanks Caboose. I have to get going to Sim-... Cinnamons." 

"Ok! Happy Valentime's day Gruff!" Caboose said cheerfully. Grif smiled and climbed down. He set off to town, with a pretty good idea of what to get Simmons.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2:30 pm

Grif got stuck in traffic

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

3:05

The store was crowded with men and women with the same last minute, albeit good, intentions.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

4:00 

Grif waited anxiously in line at his final stop. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

5:00 

Grif was stuck in more traffic. The sun was just starting to go down.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

7:30 

Halfway home. Traffic finally let up

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

8:40

Grif finally made it home, but despite all his delays he just sat in the warthog for a moment. The silence was killing him, but he needed time to collect his thoughts. After breathing for a minute or two, Grif grabbed his bags and hopped out of the vehicle. He knew Simmons had been working on some computer repairs (his side hussle for a little extra spending money, not that they needed it as Kimbal provided for their every need) in his 'lab'. He called it his lab, but everyone else called it Simmons' room that he turned into a workspace after he kinda sorta moved into Grifs' room. Actually, everyone else called it the nerd cave. Grif made his way up to the nerd cave and lightly knocked on the door.

The music that had been playing was hushed and a few moments later Simmons opened the door. "Grif! Hey man." He said, smiling widely. He was a mess. His hair was just long enough in the front to be held back by a hair tie, which formed a tiny little hair stump on the back of his head. He was sweaty and had clearly been working non-stop for the last who knows how long (Grif did- he had been working for 14 hours straight at his own discretion) made clear by the 3 empty coffee cups on his desk. His cybernetic eye was softly glowing, meaning that he had been extensively using it to magnify whatever teensy circuit boards he had been working on. Tldr: he was truly a geeky, nerdy mess. Grif thought he look amazing.

"Hey Simms.. hey can you uh-" for a moment he hesitated. What Simmons thought this was stupid? What if he hated this whole stupid holiday? What if he thought- no. Grif shook his jitters and said, "can you take a break for a sec?" 

Simmons wiped his face with his sleeve. "Yeah dude of course what's up?" Grif reached into one of the paper bags on his arm and pulled out a medium sized bouquet of roses. They were shades of orange and maroon, to colors that held a good deal of significance to the two of them. He stuck out his arm, offering the flowers to Simmons. He looked away and shoved his free and in his pocket. "I uh.. I picked these up for you" Simmons didn't move for a moment and Grif's world came crashing down. He thought it was stupid. Donut was wrong, Kai and Tucker were wrong, caboose was wrong everything is so fucking stupid how could he be this dumb? He was about to walk away when Simmons gingerly took the flowers in his robotic hand. "Grif… these are beautiful. You went to town just to get these for me?"

"Well, no." Said Grif. Simmons looked a little disappointed at this. Grif realised what we said and how it came out before quickly adding, "no! I- I mean I like got more then just flowers for you uh… here" he said, getting a small tissue paper wrapped object out of the second bag. Simmons gently tore away at the paper and gasped with glee when he saw a Phillips Head #000 screwdriver. "Oh my god! Dude! I've been talking about how I need one of these forever!" Grif smiled, feeling much more confident in his Valentine's grifs. Simmons took the little tool (the screwdriver, not his boyfriend) back to his desk and placed it carefully on top of a book. He came rushing back to give Grif a hug. "Thank you so much dude."

Grif was taken back at how much Simmons really did appreciate his gifts. It felt nice to make him smile like this! But there was one more gift in store…Grif broke away from Simmons grip and pulled out a small velvet box. Simmons looked on in with anticipation. "When we were in blood gulch", began Grif. "We went to the Vegas and you hated every minute of it but you pushed through for me. We went back again and again and that one time… what was it? 4 years ago? You hit big on black jack. You were so happy and I was happy for you? It was like 'damn. He's finally enjoying a vacation.' anyway… I went downtown today and got this." He opened the box and revealed a poker chip- a golden one. It was ingraved with delicate lettering that spelled out "for Richard~". 

"Grif…" Simmons started to tear up (loser). He looked up and smiled a genuine smile. "I love it" he said, enveloping Simmons in another, tighter hug. Grif was struggling to breathe, but it was worth it. "N-no problem. Hhhappy Valentine's day." He wheezed out. 

Simmons dropped him suddenly. "I just realized" he shifted his weight "I thought you didn't do Valentine's day…" 

Grif ran a dang through his hair. "Yeah well, I found a pretty damn good reason to start celebrating." 

Simmons lit up. "In that case…" he pulled out a plastic bag filled with limited addition mint oreos and handed it to Grif. "I can give these to you early" 

Grif started crying. "It's a Valentine's day Miracle!"

@rvbgiftexchange

[agent-shield-blog]

Iron Arm

When a mission goes a little less then planned, the guys try and find a way to cheer you up after an unfortunate injury

Featuring: Reader X Steve X Tony X Bruce X Bucky Warnings: Cussing, broken bones

Like most people you hated Mondays, but something you hated more was fighting idiots at four in the morning on a Monday.

"Shit!" You screamed out in pain as a metal bar struck against your left forearm. With your right hand, you brought out your baton and beat down the dark clothed man in front of you. You hugged your arm close to your body. Yeah no doubt about it, the dumb ass broke it.

"(Y/n) what's wrong?" You had entirely forgotten Steve was on the com with you. Most times you would be a lot more careful with cussing on missions with him, but there was no letting that last one slip.

"Nothing just got taken by surprise. Have you made it to the servers?"

"I'm close, but I'm gonna need some backup." You took a deep breath knowing your job was going to be a lot harder without one arm. You ran through the hallways, your hair hitting your face as it had somehow fallen out of the very secure ponytail you put it in. Finally, you made it to the hallway Steve was trying to get through. You ran towards him and stopped by his side.

"Go. I'll take care of this bunch." You extended your baton out and glared at the group, Steve nodded and ran back to the servers.

"Alright, you have pissed me off today! So I don't apologize for what's coming." You charged towards the group. You slid between one of the man's legs taking your baton you knocked his legs down and in one fellow swoop knocked him out. Being too slow to recover back on your feet, a fist met the side of your face. You groaned as you scrambled to your feet. You could tell by the quick swelling you'd have a nice dark spot on your cheek for a week or two.

With an evil grin, you starred down the last of the remaining men. "So which one of you brave men punched me in the face." Without realizing it, the men stared to the culprit. You darted towards the man and jumped up twisting your legs around his neck, the other men approached to help, but in a swift motion, you had suffocated the man. You jumped down and turned to see a gun pointed at you; you moved out of the way allowing the bullet to hit the mans accomplice.

"I'm done playing games." You didn't typically like using your gun, but when you were as outnumbered as this, with bullets flying towards you, you had enough. You pulled out your gun and aimed the best you could without the support of your left hand. With bullets ringing out Steve came rushing to you.

When he arrived, the seven men were lying on the ground with you standing over them gun still drawn, but hanging at your side.

"We're good (l/n) we can head out." You turned around and drudged yourself back to the quinjet.

Wanting to cool down you decided to pilot back. Steve attempted to make small talk, but you weren't having it. All you wanted to do was get your arm fixed, an ice pack on your face, and a cup of coffee in your body. You hated getting injured. You lived to work and cursed the days when you couldn't. A year ago you had managed to work while you had mono. Once Steve found out you were sick he got pissed and had Bruce lecture you about mono and how your spleen could burst if you weren't careful enough. That month of doing nothing was considered one of the worst months of your life.

You landed the ship on the pad and waited for Steve to exit before you made your way into the compound. You walked down the hallway and started towards the kitchen. But after checking the time, and noting that it was breakfast for most of the Avengers,  you decided to head towards the kitchenette in the conference room, that way no one would notice your state.

As you passed by the dining room to get to the conference room down the hall, you heard Friday come on overhead.

"Sirs, you told me to alert you if (y/n)'s physical state had altered in any way. She has multiple fractures in her left arm, a possible concussion, and a bullet grazes."

You cursed under your breath as you sprinted fast away from the dining room. You could hear people shouting your name as you headed towards the staircase. You ran down to the basement and turned your head to see if anyone had followed you, but just as you turned back around you were face to face with Steve. He gently put out his arm and stopped you from running before picking you up.

"Spangles put me down now!"

"It's for your own good. I'm taking you to the lab so Bruce and Tony can take a look."

"You're being unreasonable!"

"I don't think taking you to get your arm checked out is unreasonable." You finally made it into the sciences bros lab before Steve sat you down on a workshop table. Bruce made his way over with a smirk on his face.

"Looks like we can call off the hunt." You swung your legs back and forth on the table waiting for Bruce to declare you unfit for action once again.

"Look, guys, I am fine, Friday is just exaggerating. Its a few bruises here and there." Unknown to you Tony was standing at your side.  On purpose, he grabbed your broken arm causing you to yell out in pain.

"Son of a bitch Tony you're going to pay for that!" Tony snickered as he sat down your arm.

"Hey, that served you right for lying about my wonderful A.I system."

After some examination, Bruce concluded that he needed to set the bone in your arm before he could go any further in helping. You laughed nervously as you lied down on the table.

"No pain no gain right?" You took deep breaths in and out waiting for Bruce to work on your arm.

"I'm going to give you some stuff for the pain before we start. I know you hate going under, but it might make this more comfortable if I give you a heavy sedative or get one of the on-staff doctors to help put you under-"

"Nope Bruce not going to happen. And you know the deal, go as light on the painkillers as possible."

You extended your unharmed arm out and motioned for someone to take your hand. Steve quickly stepped up and grabbed your hand. After Bruce had given you something for the pain, he stepped up and turned to Tony.

"Tony hold her head down she doesn't want to see this." Tony sighed as he walked up to you.

"Honestly neither do I but I guess I'll take one for the team." Tony gently pushed your head down to the table and held his hands gently against your sides. He gave you a not so reassuring smile before you felt a cold hand on your broken arm. You took a deep breath in and then felt a shock of pain erupt in your arm. You screamed out in pain and gripped tightly down on Steve's hand. Tony quickly let your head up and backed away, not wanting to be in your way. Steve squirmed out of your grip and shook his hand in pain.

Once all was said and done you headed back up to your room with a sling, as Bruce wasn't ready to put on a cast yet. You turned on the tv and began flipping through channels before giving up and settling on the Hallmark Channel.

After about three hours of watching some cliche movie, you heard a  soft knock on your door, being too lazy to get up you called out that it was open. In walked Tony and Bruce with smirks on their faces. Tony was hiding something behind his back, but you couldn't figure out what it would be.

"Look kiddo we know you are as obsessed with work, and you love to do what you do, and we won't be responsible for stopping you, so-" Tony brought out from behind his back, a silver ironman arm. You jumped up in excitement as you rushed to the men. Bruce helped you into the shell, and it fit perfectly.

"Thank you thank you thank you!" You wrapped your arms around both the men and gave them the biggest hug possible. You couldn't see it but through the door stood Bucky and Steve watching your reaction. Steve nudged Bucky who had a sour look on his face.

"Everything okay Buck?"

"The metal arm is my thing."

"It's okay Buck its only for a few weeks."

"But but-" Steve laughed as he pushed his friend along down the hall. He knew it was only a matter of time before Bucky would try and steal the arm, and Steve was going to dread and record every moment of it.

[utopianparadoxist]

Do you think that Rose and Kanaya were originally going to be moirails, and that their being girlfriends was OOC and detrimental to their characters? Generally, what do you think of rosemary?

Well, it’s @rosemarymonth and I’ve wanted to talk about Rosemary and why I think the canon gets WAY too little credit with regards to their execution for ages so I may as well do it now. 

Keep in mind, of course, that I am a dude and in no way want any wlw to feel I’m shutting down critiques of Homestuck’s flaws in this regard. I think that’s perfectly valid, this is just my reading. I’ll be interested in seeing what people have to say. 

I don’t get to talk about Rosemary enough anyway, so I’ll also take you up on it and go over why I love Rosemary and why I think readings that they were “meant to be moirails” and “go ooc” is straight up just misreading the text, because the comic is actually pretty clear in broadcasting its intent.

The thing to keep in mind is that Homestuck’s entire plot follows one consistent rule: The message of AURYN from The Neverending Story, “Do what you will.” 

The events in Homestuck that actually happen are by design the sum product of the wills of the entire cast, and how well characters express their wills on reality directly correlates to how “powerful” they are.

Caliborn is the villain because Lord English violates EVERYONE’s agency by confining them all to the plot of Homestuck/his Alpha Timeline. Within the confines of those prescribed paths, however, reality always defaults to fulfilling the wishes of all characters involved, or resolving the tension between them.

What this means PRACTICALLY is that almost every event that happens in the story, no matter how ridiculous….

is, on some level, foreshadowed by the desires of the characters, just as Arquius’ heroic sacrifice and absorption into LE is foreshadowed by the desires of both him and Caliborn:

Oh, and speaking about Caliborn wanting to be bros with Dirk and allowing him to die as if going to sleep:

All this in mind, let’s focus on Rose and Kanaya. No, I don’t get the impression they were ever going to be moirails. I’m not sure when Hussie decided on Rosemary, but I get the impression it was early, at least by the time Kanaya was introduced.

Why? Let’s take stock of both girls’ desires and conflicts throughout Act 5.

Kanaya’s early characterization revolved around A) A tendency to gravitate and pacify take-charge, forward individuals, 

and B) A profound dissatisfaction with that role.

That’s what burned her out so hard when she was interested in Vriska. So I’m not sure why one would assume that actually, Kanaya’s True Destiny was to fall into… the exact same arrangement with Rose once again, despite expressly avoiding it. That doesn’t seem like good storytelling to me.

Especially since Rose is, from the very beginning, posited as an idealistic escape from that solitude for Kanaya. Kanaya is the receiver of Rose’s prophetic text—one of her earliest big contributions as a Seer of Light– and it makes a tremendous impact on her. 

That impact is partly manifested as an out and out romantic fantasy about Rose, who Kanaya idealizes as the legendary leader of her session. 

Kanaya’s fantasies about Rose in this regard play heavily into her attempted courtship through the Flighty Broads and their Snarky Horseshitometer sequence—and it is romantic courtship. 

Kanaya makes that clear in the mission-critical text document where she positions herself as an antagonistic suitor to John, and that document is first referenced in… oh, mid-Act 4.

So Kanaya’s romantic interest suffuses the narrative from pretty early on. What about Rose?

Let’s talk about romance aesthetics. Pretty much every endgame ship in Homestuck is couched in a distinctive brand of romantic connotation.  For example, Dave and Karkat are linked to anime romance cliches, with Dave as shonen hero and Karkat as heroine. 

Jade and Davepeta are linked by a mutual indulgence in furry identity. Vriska and Terezi get the “Home Sweet Home” connotation of The Wizard of Oz, and Dirk and Jake have the undying devotion and mutual passion implied by their link to The Princess Bride.

Rose is once described as a reserved girl “enamored by what dwelt in shadow”. This is a facet of her characterization that’s present from moment 1, what with her interest in the Horrorterrors.  Another obvious place to go is Mom, and by association Roxy–both of whom certainly “dwell in shadow” as Void players.

And then, of course, we have Kanaya:

Vampires are traditionally associated with hiding in darkness, away from the Light. And Kanaya describes her rainbow drinker fantasy in exactly those terms. So this aesthetic link between them is established pretty damn early, too.

Of course, Kanaya is not a traditional vampire. I’m far from the first to point out that Rainbow Drinkers most strongly resemble the hyper-romanticized, shine-in-the-light vampires of Twilight, one of the most popular romance series for teen girls of the 2000′s.

Taking that incredibly popular aesthetic and using it as a wrapper for the love story of two girls is instantly compelling. What’s genius is that this is a cocktail of imagery that has natural appeal for Rose as a person, because while it’s true that she’s interested in the darkness that surrounds her, it’s clear that Rose spends her narrative seeking the truth and the meaningful. 

In other words, even when she’s enmeshed in darkness, what Rose wants is…

The Light. She may not have taken an interest in Meyer’s prose or Edward’s surly patriarchal authority, but all else being equal? Rose was all but made for a story with imagery like Twilight’s. That in and of itself would be evocative and romantic enough, but it goes deeper. 

Because Rose’s relationship with Kanaya is deeply interwoven with her relationship to the reality of Homestuck, a conflict that Kanaya directly helps her solve.  Perhaps fittingly, given that Kanaya is a Sylph implied to be “Made of Space”, and so innately linked to the Setting of the story through her Aspect.

This conflict between Rose and the Setting of Homestuck is, in my view, nothing less than the main thrust of Rose’s character arc, so it’ll take a little bit to unpack. Let’s dig in.

Rose gets too little credit. She is the first of the main cast to really learn about Lord English, and the unfathomable, canon-defining threat he poses to the cast. 

But even before she learns about him in name, she spends pretty much her entire arc resisting and fighting against his machinations, subtly perceiving something deeply wrong in the story from its very beginning. 

In this, Rose strikes a compelling counterpoint to her partner TT, Dirk Strider. Because If Dirk’s character arc revolves around his belief that he himself is inherently evil, then it’s fair to say Rose’s main conflict is a belief that the world itself is inherently evil. 

Or at the very least, incomprehensible and meaningless. Random and empty of logic or reason. And borderline antagonistic to her and her friends, as though reality itself is an unfortunate occurence. 

In other words, Rose’s experience of reality is deeply colored by Void, the aspect of the unimportant, meaningless, irrelevant, and most importantly: incomprehensible. 

Just as Dave’s sense of self is broken by his abusive upbringing from a Prince of Heart, so too Rose’s sense of reality is shaped by her codependent relationship with her Mom, a guardian whose actions she can neither understand nor predict. 

As a Seer of Light, Rose is drawn towards trying to understand the truth, and in particular the inner truths and meanings behind the minds of others.  At the core of her being, Rose is a person who desperately desires to know and understand.

Consider how frustrating this must make Mom’s erratic and dysfunctional behavior to her–there’s no rhyme or reason behind her mother’s actions, influenced as they are by her depression, loneliness, and alcoholism. There’s just apparent randomness from the person who defines her entire life–in essence, the God of her household. 

Add in Roxy’s tendency toward passive-aggressive behavior–which Rose definitely perceives from her Mom, whether it was intentionally directed at her or not–and it’s unsurprising that Rose quickly begins to view reality as not just nonsensical and arbitrary, but outright antagonistic.

Rose’s inherently defiant worldview is only intensified by Sburb. Not only does Mom continue being aloof and indecipherable, but Rose discovers that fate has apparently already decreed that she and her friends are doomed to failure and death. To Rose this is more than unacceptable: It’s infuriating. 

Throughout Act 5, characters often comment on how Rose’s obsession with subverting Sburb leads her to becoming withdrawn, self-serious, and distant from her relationships. She also attempts to assume responsibility for herself and everyone around her, culminating in the suicide mission she tries to take on alone.

All of this is accompanied by her tearing her Land apart, as she foregoes its “childish” path in favor of something she perceives as more mature and adult. Most blatantly of all, Rose flirts with emulating her Mom in her most obviously adult activity: indulging alcohol. Rose is, in essence, trying to be an adult. Forcing herself to grow up too fast. 

By the way? Withdrawing emotions, carefully managing the feelings of others, attempting to assume outsize responsibility for their households and attempting to take care of their guardians are all behavioral hallmarks of kids who grow up in codependent households. 

Fast-forward to the aftermath of Cascade, when Rose achieves God Tier and comes face to face with Kanaya for the first time. It’s notable that achieving God Tier is the first moment that Rose is given any indication whatsoever that the plight she shared with her friends was not just random, pointless doom.

It is instead a lucky break. Or a suggestion of greater meaning. In essence, it’s the first time Rose is given really any reason to see reality as anything but the chaotic, nonsensical burden she’s experienced it as so far. 

The revelation is accompanied by Kanaya’s sudden phosphorescence, which Rose describes as “inexplicable”–a word usually associated with frustration for her. Here, however, it comes as a happy surprise. Here, Rose is seeing through the incomprehensible Void of her reality to perceive Light for the first time.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the moment is paired with Rose’s first romantic overture toward Kanaya. 

Especially since the trend continues. As Rose grows more confident reality not necessarily ALWAYS being a hellish, meaningless landscape of random and pointless suffering, she also grows more playful and willing to be sincere. She grows to trust the Light she was once so suspicious of, asks Kanaya out on dates, and comments on things she enjoys about her without insincerity. 

But she remains traumatized and conflicted about her relationship to both her Mom and the world, and takes up Mom’s alcoholism as a way to try to understand the former and ignore the latter.

This comes between her and Kanaya, since Kanaya relies on Rose to help her figure out HER role in the world, and to figure out how to achieve the revival of her species. 

It’s worth mentioning that alcohol abuse, for both Rose and Roxy, is extremely Void-coded. It leads Rose to prioritize the pointless, ridiculous, unimportant and non-existent.

Void is also deeply tied to all things physical, as opposed to Light’s link to ideas and the imaginary. And Rose’s lack of guidance is a factor in making Kanaya succumb to her own addiction to Blood. 

Here, Kanaya ends up valuing the desires of her physical form as a Rainbow Drinker over the more idealistic goal of the revival of her species, or even her relationship with Rose. As such, the two girls’ problems are marked as the same problem, even as they drive them further apart from one another. 

And we see where their disunity and lack of direction takes them Pre-Retcon: It renders both of them less effective, and thus less important to the plot. It also leads them to misfortune. Rose’s inability to connect with and help, or even be helped by Kanaya, leads directly to tragedy in her relationship to the world.

Good thing there’s a flip side. 

In the retcon timeline, Rose and Kanaya work stuff out. Rose gets past her alcohol addiction and directly credits Kanaya’s aid for it. Kanaya resists the pull of literal blood as she takes Karkat to Echidna and engages in an intellectual discussion about his relationship to his Aspect and the future of Troll-kind.

Rose reconciles with her Mom completely through Roxy, finding meaning where she could only speculate before. And with her increased ability to sort truth from lie, important from unimportant, and meaningful from irrelevant…

She resolves the tension between herself and the “demands” of Sburb, openly voicing her ambivalence to the very concept of her Personal Quest. In so doing, she illuminates an important truth to both the cast and the audience: that Sburb’s prescribed path to self-actualization is not particularly important, and certainly not strictly necessary. 

Inner truth, understanding, good fortune, foresight, and happiness–Rose never needed to comply with some videogame’s 12-step program for self-satisfaction to get any of that, and neither do we. Light can arise anywhere, as long as you have the patience to look for it and people who love you at your side.

Hope this helps you see what I see, anon. Rose and Kanaya’s story is one worth cherishing, and I haven’t even come close to saying all I think there is to say about it, if you can believe that! But its a start. 

Happy rosemary month, happy Halloween, and as always

Keep rising! ;)

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[roadtripsinspace-blog]

Do we need "Love, Simon?" TIME says, "nah, bro."

I was reading the TIME article that attracted all this controversy over Love, Simon and I'm not gonna lie, some solid points were made. I agree in that there look to be some tropes and cliches, and that the trailer feels it will be a more juvenile film compared to, say, the pedophilic wonder Call Me By Your Name (I joke...sorta) -- but I don't think we can really compare the receptions from both films (CMBYN winning an Oscar and LS getting this [insert adjective that sounds nicer than "shitty" here bc I'm trying to be civil...] Time article) because, as Time itself points out, the two movies were made for different audiences in mind. And isn't that the whole point? 

This was the headline^ I'm not saying YA movies/shows, etc., have to be unintelligently written. Many are intriguing, layered and that's why so many rent-paying adults are still toting Harry Potter scarves and arguing about which House is better (Ravenclaw btw, fight me) -- because YA material can engage all ages. But yes, a lot of YA can also be straightforward (hah there's a pun lurking there somewhere) and one-dimensional, it happens. But if Time's point was that the movie didn't do its subject matter justice due to the fact it was a "flat rom-com," that's kind of very much bullshit since it never pretended to be some sort of genius plot to begin with. Like if the movie sucks (which imo it doesn't look horrible but I can see where the tropey tropes might come in) then that's too bad, but how does that have anything to do with whether or not it tried to carry a message that people can still take something away from? I mean when did bringing the LGBTQ+ genre to the big screens suddenly mean one had to produce amazing work in order to justify a gay character being the lead? If the plot was bad bc it did not try to send this message, then yes something would be wrong here but clearly that's not what's happening. The message is clear. Everyone deserves love. Two seconds into the trailer and bam. I already know. You don't gotta be a Ravenclaw to see the message (still best House tho, not backing down). It might not be done cleverly, idk, but the movie's not muddling that message in general no matter how trope-tastic it is. People who thought Twilight was dumb didn't conclude that oh, hey, since this ex-Cedric-Diggory fellow was one-dimensional and the romance was unconvincing, that must mean the efforts to portray straight people finding love on screen for all to see is "unneeded."

In fact, I'd actually be sort of glad if Love, Simon ended up being a "flat rom-com." Hooray! The LGBTQ+ community should be able to have the luxury of making both generic entertainment AND more, idk, Oscary Oscar entertainment (the voting process for that makes it a debateable standard anyway). That would be a hallmark moment: Gay characters can star in shitty movies too, folks. Just like straight leads. How does that put down the LGBTQ+ movement in any way? Why do all works that have homosexuality as a topic HAVE to be "good" in order to be something that exists? Can't the producer/director/cast just try their best to be passionate about what they make and hopefully entertain some people along the way?

But what IRKED me the most was this quote from the article:

"But those kids who were met with support when they came out are probably too sophisticated for Love, Simon–so much so that its vision of how good it feels for a masculine, traditionally attractive bro to receive encouragement might not resonate at all."

Firstly, 'bro'? Art thy not Time? What's with this colloquial language? Did I accidentally stumble upon a Tumblr rant such as my own? For fuck's sake?

Secondly, I get the criticism of Simon potentially being like a stereotypical white dude, but idk if I'd agree that it's this huge horrible thing. I'm not white but I don't feel offended? It doesn't seem like a racist move, in my opinion anyway, I mean whatever someone's ethnicity is they would have a story to tell in this situation and that's what the movie is about. Everyone equal and deserving love.

Thirdly, how does a KID being met with support when coming out mean they are suddenly too mature to handle a movie that represents something that happened to them? Oh shit maybe THAT is why I like Harry Potter! Because I haven't been told "yer a wizard!" It makes so much sense now, only things that I haven't had to handle should grace my TV screens -- so fuck off, all movies starring straight people! If I've seen one man kiss a woman, I've seen em all! Can't learn anything new I guess!

So basically what TIME is saying is that because Simon wasn't oppressed but instead had a healthy, positive coming out experience, the movie was unnecessary. Uh, what? BY THE WAY, Time also argues that the movie isn't relateable because in the parts of Simon's life that ARE indeed making it hard for him to come out, it seems like he's facing an outdated problem. So make up your mind please, Time. Is the movie a waste because it is too kind on Simon or too harsh? Oh, what's that you say? Matters are actually complicated and struggles are not able to be easily dismissed as "over now"? There we go...

Anyway -- not all coming out experiences are the same or laced with tragedy, so why does Simon have to be SAD and DOWN in a movie like this? You sadistic Time writer you? I get it, okay, Time wants to be MOVED, they paid good money on their box of tissues but again, Time already agreed that this is a YA movie. If it wants to be simple, why is that bad? And isn't it good, to not only let others who had a similar coming out experience know that they are just as legitimately a part of the LGBTQ+ community even if they had a calm coming out experience, but also to show audience members an example of how to positively and encouragingly converse with someone who is trying to tell you they are gay and/or any other kinds of things they would want to share with loved ones? Would Time rather ask the YA demographic to watch something gruesome and dark like a beating or some shit? Are the people at Time also those people who are so uptight about violent video games influencing their children yet somehow believe portraying how NOT to handle someone coming out is a good idea, and the only way to give meaning to a story about a gay male lead?

I just don't understand why the article had to make Love, Simon seem like it was this waste of an idea/hard work/money/excitement simply because it happened to be exactly what it said it would be, a YA movie. I don't understand why Time made it sound like the only way hype about a gay male lead would be allowed is if Interstellar happened again but like instead of Matthew McConnaughey trying to find his way back home to save his daughter, spewing copious amounts of philosophy and space jargon as he did so, he was now trying to reunite with his gay lover or some shit. (Actually, now that I say it aloud, I really need to watch that. Please someone make it happen. We can start a petition or something. Matt is a generous guy, I feel it in my soul.) And yeah I'd probably enjoy that movie more than Love, Simon because looking at the trailer, if I may take a moment to pre-judge the movie, it does so far seem to have the setup of a cheesy rom com for young teens. So? That doesn't mean it's some kind of setback for the LGBTQ+ movement. That doesn't mean it's a waste.

Also this has nothing to do with the rant but I thought it was pretty cool:

(found on instagram)