#and kinda looks like he hates any movies with an interracial couple

[a-walking-fandom-reference]

obsessed with this old man i found on imdb who reviews hallmark movies and hates them all but has watched over 600 of them

[theafictionado]

So we watched (nay, Experienced) the BBC/Netflix Dracula series

Brought to us by everyone’s favourite team, Steve Moff and Mark Gatiss, promising to be an innovative and exciting new vision of the classic novel

Boy it was definitely something!!!

First I will say: obviously Moff is not my favourite TV writer and my fam and I did go into this with a bias. I’m happy to report, though, that it’s going to be one of these shows that haunts me forever, because if it had just been bad I could have said “bleh” and deleted it from my brain. But because parts of this were genuinely cool, interesting, and fun, and parts of it genuinely had potential, all the bits that were bad stand out as so much worse and the whole thing feels as cursed as a 500 year old undead count. 

Things that were enjoyable and well put-together:

Van Helsing has been gender-swapped into a vampire-hunting nun and her cat-and-mouse game with Dracula is rife with belligerent sexual tension. I was ready to hate this, and ready for like, Sherlock and Irene Adler 2.0, but their dynamic was actually pretty fun to watch! Their power balance is kept even throughout most of the show, and Helsing is never struck down because of ~womanly failings~ or infantilised. She’s consistently really clever and, even if there are some cringey one-liners, I found her and Draccy’s playful quest to murder each other one of the most fun parts of the show. It could’ve been better, but it was enjoyable! (I also like how Helsing isn’t Young and Hot, but is a capable older lady, and her actor and Draccy’s even seem about the same age. Amazing)

The second episode is a spooky murder mystery/horror mini-movie on a ship, with a cast full of interesting characters who all had different things going on and different relationship dynamics that were compelling to watch. There’s even an interracial gay couple! And they’re like, written pretty sympathetically and to be layered and flawed in ways that didn’t feel too stereotypical! And they don’t die first!! Wack! I understand the bar is on the ground, but it’s still worth a mention

Some fun with vampire lore: Draccy absorbs knowledge and traits from people he drinks blood from (which is how he learns languages. Get Duolingo, dude, stop eating people), leading to the intriguing suggestion that myths like “vampires will die in sunlight” and “vampires are afraid of holy symbols” have kinda become real to him even if they don’t literally work, because he’s swallowed so many people to whom these superstitions and beliefs were law. I’m sure this isn’t the first time this has been done, but groundbreaking or no it was kinda neat

Things that were not enjoyable and well put-together:

EVERYTHING ELSE

Episode 1: a weird speedrun of most of the original novel, feat. weaponised nuns and a weird fixation on whether or not Jonathan Harker and Draccy boned. They did not. Dracula pops out of the body of a wolf and he’s Whole Ass Naked. Him and Van Helsing have a power play where she stands just on the threshold of a convent and calls him a little bitch, knowing he can’t come and get her. A knife is licked. 

Episode 2: aforementioned cool ship horror story. Definitely the best ep. It really makes me think about hbomb’s critique that Moff is pretty good at doing standalone stories (and pilots), but when things are tied into a bigger narrative things get zonkers. 

Episode 3: Things Get Zonkers!!

Let me just. Okay. I have the most to say about this one because this is where things really got batshit. And yet, also really boring? How does that figure? Anyway:

Dracula emerges from under the sea and finds that 123 years have passed and he’s now the star of a Modern AU. Upon setting foot on British sand he is immediately accosted by what appears to be an anti-vampire task force. There’s a helicopter. It is later explained how they knew to pounce on him at this exact moment, but holy god it was wild to watch the entire British Secret Service descend on this one wet bastard in a suit

The editing shifts aggressively in the direction of Sherlock. Mark Gattis is there playing an amazingly annoying character. There’s a fuckign.... Underground Secret Society devoted to studying vampires and they put Drac in a Designated Glass Prison for Smug Geniuses (also as seen in Sherlock). Van Helsing is dead but her great-great-grand-niece is played by the same actress and. Okay. Van Helsing, vampire hunting nun, possesses her descendent and rises through the ether to roast Drac one last time, and he’s DELIGHTED TO SEE HER AGAIN. 

And she has cancer, right, so her blood is poisonous when Draccy tries to bite her, but in the end, right, the end of the episode, right, the final shots of the show, he comes to a place where he’s willing to die, and she’s already dying, and so he drinks her blood and they die together on a table while cinematic metaphor vision shows them having sex in the middle of the sun

There was a badly CGI-ed vampire baby. Jonathan Harker falls from a tower and a scene later they flash back to this event by reversing the footage of him falling down, meaning we just see him go VWOOP up through the air, bouncing off the wall on the way. Van Helsing says the words “come boy, suckle” when she’s goading Drac into drinking her blood. The show sits in a weird middle ground where the characters talk about sex a lot (”dID yOu HaVe sExUaL iNterCOURSE with COUNT DRACULA?”) and Drac is clearly meant to be super magnetic and sexy but the characterisation and cinematography is not horny at all. People have these sexy-type dreams of their lover of choice when Drac is drinking their blood but even those are very boring and weirdly chaste, except of course for the final one where, if I  can take the chance to remind you, Van Helsing and Dracula have symbolic Mind Palace sex inside the centre of the solar system

I can’t speak too much on its quality as an adaptation since I actually haven’t read the book, but splitting the story so that some characters (the Harkers, Van Helsing) existed in the time the story is set, and some (Lucy, Dr Seward) exist in The Modern AU felt very strange. Was there any reason to set the third episode in modern times, apart from the fact that I guess they wanted to do their Sherlock thing again? Or, perhaps, because they wanted to do their Jekyll thing again?? Oh my god, that’s what the editing reminds me of - the small clips of Jekyll I’ve seen. The zooming. The slow-mo. The emphasis on The Monster Man’s weird goddamn teeth

(Also, I don’t really feel qualified to dig too deep into it, but I will say there felt something a bit uncomfortable about Lucy being black in this version, while also being written to be very promiscuous and vain. idk. Also, since it happened in an ep of Sherlock as well, “weedy white Nice Boy rescues the Very Cool woman of colour he has a tragically unrequited crush on” is now an official Moffattis trope)

Count Moffatula is an experience. Its pacing is buck wild. The speeding through the original plot and the mish-mashing of elements in the Modern AU section feels like another expression of contempt for the source material on Moff’s part. Someone says “reality is overrated” in a show set in the 1890s. Draccy quotes a Beatles song. He also makes quippy allusions to having eaten various famous figures and basically winks at the camera every time. Granted, this wasn’t as obnoxious as I was maybe expecting, but there are still too many lines of dialogue where you think “oh, the writers high-fived each other after they wrote that one, huh”. The fact that Moff has such vitriol against fan fic writers is more and more grating every day because this is so, so clearly a zany-ass fanfic that he happens to be getting paid for. The costumes are nowhere near as nice as they could have been, and Dracula’s cape looks like his mum made it for him for the school play in which he is playing Dracula. 

This show is So Much. Watch it to share in this fever dream. Or don’t, and save approximately 5 hours of your life. God. 5 hours. Who was I before Count Maffatula. Who am I now. Why was his cape so bloody ugly. Why did they bone in the centre of the sun

[janiedean]

marrecarandgi ha risposto al tuo post

“marrecarandgi ha risposto al tuo post “remember when oscar isaac was...”

What are you arguing here? That Finn doesn't face racism or faces less than Poe? It's simply not true. In this fandom and in all others. If you don't believe me, you have Google at your disposal, I can't fit the countless examples here anyway. So, when POC notice racist and specifically anti black tendencies, that a whitepassing (only "Europeans", who "don't see race" claim that Poe is "white for them, not actual critics) character is treated better than a black coc, you probably should try to listen to them instead of playing the victim of the fandom not being nice enough space. Because, honestly, if I had time or desire, I could've explained to you how each and every one of your point is bs.

... have you even read what I wrote? oh good lord I don’t have the patience any more

let’s go over it again

I’m saying people talk about finn less than ****kylo ren**** because people are generally more interested in the antagonist rather than the good side heroes when it comes to star wars. vader is more popular than just about everyone and the dark side generally gets more attention. idg it because I personally don’t care for the dark side but it’s not **racism** per se, it’s how fandom goes. every time. people care more about loki than thor because loki is the kind of tormented antagonist that interests people and thor is the good guy who doesn’t as much, not because loki has black hair and thor is blonde and no one likes blondes.

I’m also saying that people talk less about poe because he has relatively little screentime in comparison to finn and rey. he was in there for twenty minutes total maybe thirty if we stretch it.

I’m not saying finn doesn’t face racism especially from people who are in fandom but don’t write fanfic or do fanart or whatever and I especially mean those assholes who said you couldn’t have a black lead in SW, I’m saying that when it comes to fandom’s treatment of finn vs kylo or vs poe or vs whoever else a lot of the things that people deem problematic are common to every other fandom in existence and to the type of character finn is. the things I hate most about fanon finn’s characterization are the same things I hate about fanon bucky characterizations, and what do they have in common? they’re two people who come from being employed against their will by the villain side of the story who are actually good people and don’t want to fight for that side and who have gone through types of brainwashing to a different degree (finn because he was brought up to be a stormtrooper without identity and bucky because they literally erased it form him) from people who saw them as weapons and not people. it’s a trope. in a lot of fic where they’re in it, they’re characterized as if they need someone to hold their hand every other moment, which I frankly dislike a lot, and it’s the same for a lot of characters coming from that context. in some cases it can be racism, in others it’s just that finn is that type of character and he’s black, but I’ve been in fandom since 2003 and I saw that way of writing abused characters back then. address that if you think it’s an address-able problem, but it happening to finn has more to do with his background than his skin color. then if you’re talking about other things idk because as stated I stopped engaging other than checking the ao3 finnp0e tag after I read that if you shipped it you were objectifying nonwhite people because I ship people for their relationship, but that was the state of the discourse when I noped out.

‘only "Europeans", who "don't see race" claim that Poe is "white for them, not actual critics’ > er, actually most latin-americans I know would argue that poe is *not* a POC and that they don’t even abide to that definition and that people across latin america come in all shades so making the white/poc distinction makes no sense because they don’t think of themselves as such. but okay.

also: idk if you wanna be edgy by putting “don’t see race” in brackets, but I’m gonna tell you a thing: us europeans who *don’t see race* have studied WWII in school for a long time. I studied WWII since I was nine. now, you know what’s the basics of nazi race theory? that races exist and some races are more worthy than others and that you can count how much of a race you are by tracing back your grandparents, so idk if you have one black grandparent and three white ones you’re still considered *impure* same as if you have a jewish grandparent and so on. the drop of blood rule to us sounds like nazi theory 101 and honestly that’s why to a lot of us Europeans just the fact that here on tumblr ‘race’ is used as an actual thing that exist is skin-crawling worthy. what I learned in school is that the human race is just one and then you have different ethnicities within it but that at the bottom if it we’re the same, because if you admit that then saying you’re inherently better than a black person because you’re *different* or another race entirely isn’t that easy anymore. which doesn’t mean we don’t see ethnicity or culture - I’d never say that a chinese person is the same as a french or a south-african or canadian because I know they have different background and different experiences and different ethnicities, but I would not say they’re a different RACE than I am, because to me it would sound like something out of mein kampf. I can’t conceive the prospect that me and a black person are different RACES. we’re both human. then they’re obviously different ethnicity and culture and I see and recognize it. like, can you all stop twisting it like we think everyone is the same and there’s no difference at all? also, here, the moment someone says black people are an inferior race or a race at all, they get labeled FASCIST RACIST 101 STAY AWAY FROM ME. anyway, I do understand that on tumblr the discourse is american so I just scroll by over the use of the term race, but for me your definition is something I could never use. because cultural relativism. and ‘white passing’ for me is just the proof that poc as a term only works in the US and badly at that because why the fuck you need a term to say that some people who aren’t white look white is beyond me when you could just use their damned ethnicities to call them and be done with it, but never mind.

also idk where you gathered that I said poe was white. I said that according to some people it seems that he’s not when he��s shipped with finn but he is when he’s shipped with rey. and that makes no fucking sense. if oscar is a poc and poe is a poc (according to your definition) then both finnp0e and reyp0e are interracial couples. period. you can’t change the meaning of a word or someone’s ethnicity based on who the fuck you ship him with. and that’s a thing that happens in this fandom. period.

‘you probably should try to listen to them instead of playing the victim of the fandom not being nice enough space’ > man, I don’t think you understood my point. I’m not playing victim. I’m in fandom because I want to have fun and not because I want to run a politics campaign. now, I don’t care for fandom being a nice space, even if like, since it’s escapism, I’d like it if it was about fandom and not US politics cropping up everywhere. the point is that some of us are in fandom for shipping. I like finn and poe together. I wanna write finn and poe together. I want to do it best as I can and admittedly the one time I did it and posted it on tumblr I got more notes than I do for.... four fics for my main fandom combined. I had fun. I wrote them the way I saw them. I made sure to write them as IC as I could. I kinda wanna do it again. but the idea of going into a fandom where there’s discourse at every corner makes me want to shoot myself in the head. if people complain about ky*lux getting more traffic now, it’s because there’s less discourse over there for whichever reason you wanna pinpoint (problematic faves? problematic ship so no one judges others?). are there wankers over there? sure thing, but nowhere near as much as a corner of the fandom where every other day you can’t ship anything because it’s somehow -ist. and some of us want to, like, have fun. and produce content. and we don’t. because it’s not fun. and like, you can make it a welcoming space or not, idc because I’m not in it, but if then your discourse makes people run off to ship kylo and hux then don’t complain that you used to have more traffic when the movie was out and everyone was excited about things and the discourse wasn’t a thing. like. I don’t even engage in fandom exactly because I don’t want discourse, so I’m already doing what you’re telling me to. sometimes I rant about it on my blog.... in...... untagged posts like the one you replied to which I didn’t tag EXACTLY BECAUSE I DIDN’T WANT DISCOURSE, so.

‘Because, honestly, if I had time or desire, I could've explained to you how each and every one of your point is bs.’ > yeah, but you didn’t. (always the same thing I hear. ‘I could tell you why you’re wrong but I won’t’) and honestly, given that I’m not gonna touch this fandom properly with a ten foot pole for the foreseeable future, I also can live without it.

anyway, I was just arguing that tfa fandom is unlivable if you’re not here for the discourse (which is true and it’s one’s prerogative since again fandom is escapism or a hobby unless you’re a youtuber or you made a job out of it), that people can and will ship what they want and they should be able to (and if you think this point is bullshit then we don’t have any more to discuss because the moment you tell me that people shouldn’t ship ANYTHING because it’s not morally fine according to you I’m out), that a person can’t fucking be white and not white at the same time (which is just basic logic) and that accusing people of -isms based just on their shipping preferences is bullshit (because rl and fiction aren’t the same thing and most of us know that, and again if you think this is bs you can spare yourself a reply I’m not even gonna bother because it’s a point I can’t really gloss over and we’d have a basic disagreement). idk what you thought I was saying or when I said poe was white (btw whiteness in europe =/= whiteness in the US) or when I said fandom wasn’t racist towards finn or whatever but feel free to put words into my mouth ad libitum, I’m really done.

(and this is still why I’m not touching this fandom ever)

[emmettclunie84-blog]

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After Writing Edit: Sorry you guys this is really long. I got carried away with the little details but hopefully you should still enjoy! Bit of background first: I'm a guy, about 6'1, pretty lean with brown hair and a pretty average dick. I am currently at university studying history. Awfully boring but the night-life is good and it ultimately means I don't have to make a serious decision in my life for a few more years. I have the odd friend, not too many, I'd probably say my roommate is my best one, but we're like polar opposites, so it's quite weird that it works. Anyway, another person studying History is this girl. I feel quite ashamed that I never noticed her before, but that's how well she blends in. For the first month of Uni, I didn't know her name, because I didn't dare go and ask her, and because nobody else did, I don't think she had a single friend. Eventually I see some kind of name list on the professors desk and snoop through it. I know pretty much everyone's name for our lectures, and there's one that stands out. Yaara. It had to be her. I look it up on facebook and sure enough, there she is. One mutual friend. And I had asked the guy if he knew her, he said no. So, being the scared little shit that I am, I shoot her a friend request. Couple days later, nothing. I check her profile and it still says 'Add Friend'. I think it hasn't sent so I send it again. Same thing, couple days later, still says it. I ask my roommate and he says that's what happens when they decline it. Ouch. So it now turns out I've sent this poor girl two friend requests to which she's both declined. Awkward. In our dorm there is obviously the boys and the girls part, and we share one common room type thing, its a cross between a library/computer room with couches and shit to kick it on. I start to realise that this girl literally does not talk to a single person. She goes from our dorm, to a locker type thing, to a PC, to our lectures, and then either out the door or back to our dorm. Never says a word. I feel awful for her, cos I didn't have many friends and I know how it is. I just can't bring myself to strike up conversation with her. One day we're in the common room and I walk over to make myself some coffee from our little communal kitchen, and that's near to where the PC's are. As i'm leaving it, I see a pair of feet sticking out from underneath one of the desks. I work IT repair hometown amateur galleries part time, so I stop and ask if anythings wrong. You guessed it. Out comes her pretty little face, and she looks at me asif to say "oh shit you're the guy I declined twice" and I wish I'd never opened my mouth. But, she tells me that "The monitor won't come on" she has the sweetest voice I've ever heard, so innocent and quaint. I say no problem and hop under the desk. I ask her what her name is and she replies. I don't know why I asked her, we both know I know what she's called, but she plays it cool and I really karups db wanted to thank her for it, I was so embarrassed. I introduce myself and after trying a few plugs and trying different wires it boots and she thanks me. Now or never I guess. I ask her what she's working on, she tells me the History assignment. Turns out it's in a day later and I hadn't even started. "I could help you, i-i-if you like." It was so fucking cute. I could tell it was hurting her to say it but it was asif she felt like she owed me. I asked her if she was sure and she said yes, so I pulled out my laptop and we got to work. We found out common interest and common hates, the music we liked and the food we liked to eat. We had a surprisingly lot in common. It was time to bite the bullet and try and give her my number. "Thanks so much for the help, how about I take you out for something to eat sometime?" "Oh, uh, I dunno, I'm quite busy and y'know with all this work and stuff and-" I interrupt and write down my number and hand it to her, and tell her if she changes her mind to text me or something. Fast forward about two weeks and I see her everyday not talking to a soul. It kills me, but one night me and my roommate are getting high and my phone buzzes. Its unknown and is asking if I've done the research. I ask who it is and its Yaara. In my dozy state I simply put. "Ah shit, no. Made your mind up on that offer yet?" "Well, I'm not busy this weekend but I'm sure you have plans." I did, but I cancelled everything. "Nope, I'm free Amateur Interracial movies. Saturday at 6?" "Oh, well if you're sure you're not busy then ok." I wait for her outside our dorm and she comes down in this gorgeous flowery dress, and I realize how beautiful she really is. Yaara is about 5'5, brunette hair, with brown eyes. She has the most pretty face, and a really slim figure. At this point I can't really tell more because she usually wears dresses or casual clothes, but I wasn't bothered about any of that. I take her out to the fanciest place I know. Between working two jobs and Uni I've racked up quite a bit of money, so I knew I was spoiling her before we'd even made plans. I drove her to the restaurant and we ate some awesome food with some awesome wine (water for her, she doesn't drink) and I paid for it all. She wouldn't let me, but I refused any money from her and she got quite emotional saying nobody had done that for her before. I just smiled and after driving back we took a walk through our campus, her hand kept brushing against mine but then she would quickly dart away, it seemed like it was all new to her. She said Karups Hometown Amateurs By AdultSites.co thankyou and I asked her same time next week? She had the biggest smile on her face as she said yes and went back to her dorm. Over the next month I took her out every weekend, treating her to dinner and treats and buying her the odd little present, like I said I wanted to spoil this girl. She opened up to me and told me that she's never been in a relationship and had only ever held hands with one guy years ago, and has never been treat this way. I told her she deserved it and hugged her. When I did she kind of melted in to me asif she'd never felt this kind of affection, it was adorable. From then on she started sitting next to me in lectures and we did work together and the odd project, and I couldn't have been happier. One night, my roommate is out and I'm watching films and we're texting. She says she's bored and I tell her me too, but i'm watching movies if she wants to come over. She asked a few questions before being sure and finally agreed. She comes over in some leggings and a t shirt with no makeup and her hair done up, and fuck she is perfect. I let her in and as she walks through my room I finally see her pert little ass, she's always worn dresses when I've took her out. It's not massive but looks soft and round, and I start thinking dirty thoughts about her. We settle on my sofa bed thing, and watch a shitty movie. Halfway through I get up for a piss and come back and sit down. I notice she's closer than she was but I think nothing of it. Unconsciously, I start twirling her hair that she's since let down, and she get's startled. I say sorry and she replied something like "oh, uh no its, its fine it was kinda nice." So I carry on. I start thinking things through about how she's never had this kind of affection shown to her and I feel so bad Hardcore amatuer for her so eventually, I take her waist and pull her up to me, and now we're spooning watching the film. "Is this okay?" "This is great." I'm so happy at this point. I put my arm around her waist and we hold hands, and I can see her cute little smile as I look over her. The film finishes and she goes to get up but I hold onto her and tell her that she can stay. She tries coming up with some excuses and I tell her that nobodies coming back, it'll just be us two. Eventually she says ok and we lay spooning. We eventually get onto sex she starts asking me how it feels. I tell her if she wants, and only if she wants to, that I can show her. She asks me if I'm being serious and I tell her its entirely her choice, if she wants to leave she can do. She says she does so we get up, and I start undressing her. I take off her top and wow, her tits are great. Not huge, but good handfuls. I take off the leggings, and she has these cute little pants on, they show off her ass great. I stand up, and finally kiss her. She doesn't really know what to do and its adorable, so I carry on kissing her until she gets a feel for it, and then we go over to the bed. I pull down her pants and tease around her a little bit. She's heavily breathing now and shuddering, and I've not even touched it yet. I go to work making sure I make her feel good, playing with her and moving with her and reading her body signals. Before very long at all she's shuddering and convulsing, so I step back to watch because its so fucking beautiful watching the joy take over her body. Then, I take out a condom and get ready. I spread her legs a little and pull down her hand to take my now fully solid dick. I'm not the biggest but I know it could hurt her, so I let her guide me in. I tell her to take it slow and steady, and we can stop if she needs to. Eventually, she gets to the bottom of my dick, and so I stay for a little, letting her get used to it. She's now soaking wet and her pussy is so tight, so I slowly start dipping in and out of her, until eventually I begin to go harder and deeper. I keep checking on her, sometimes not getting a 'yes' but just a moan or whimper, and I know she's having a good time. I flip her over for doggy and take hold of her cute little ass, playing with it and lightly smacking it, getting a moan each time. After a little while and various positions, I go back to missionary because I know I'm close. She has come a few times over the course but I want to be close to her when I do, so we begin kissing deeply again until I burst inside of her, slowly finishing. She tells me it was the best thing she's ever done, and thanks me loads for everything I've done for her. I tell her it isn't going to stop and I'm still taking her out every week, and she just kisses me and smiles. I tell her she can use my shower and stay if she likes, and she takes me up on the shower, does watch a couple episodes of Family Guy with me before telling me she's tired and would like to go back to her dorm. I take her back over to it and we kiss once more, telling her goodnight. She even told me she wants to "Fuck again." which was totally unexpected because I'd never heard her use the word, but I'll be sure to update you guys when we d