#he’s just so pretty and im so stupid id be stuck in a constant make up and break up cycle with him i fear

[spidehpig]

thinking about toxic baby daddy soap. always manages to get his girl to bounce and whine on it despite her telling him how much she hates him :(

[haroldthehuckleberry]

Step-Son MPreg

CW- mpreg, sex, language, Step-Son X Step-Dad storyline

I always fancied my step-dad since i met him i thought he was hot, hes a classic himbo, hes tall, muscly, blonde and stupid as can be.

I never knew if he was purposefully flirting with me of was just too stupid to understand it was wrong, but it being wrong made me so horny, id often wank off after he’d compare our hand sizes, snuggle up to me or even bend over to empty the dishwasher, anything and everything he did turned me on so hard! he always wore clothes that left nothing to the imagination, short-shorts, crop-tops or no tops! My actual dad loved this about him and it made me so jealous seeing them cuddle and kiss and then one day… my dad went on a business trip. it was now or never.

i came downstairs in my dressing-gown and boxers showing off my abs and mediocre pecs i walked into the living room to my step-dad half asleep on the couch only in his briefs and white running socks, sweating and scratching his perfect body when he saw me he woke up a little and pushed a finger into his underwear suggestively “oh… hey man” he said in a gruff half awake voice “h-hey” i stammered taken aback by how horny he already seemed my cock visibly swelled in my already tight boxers. he glanced down to it quickly and blushed “come here pal i have something to show you” he said gesturing for me to walk over- i follow his orders and sit next to him, he places his hand on the back of my head and pulls me in for a deep long kiss. i rest my hand on his groin and feel his cock twitch and harden through his pants i then slowly kiss his neck, then his chest, then his abs until his beautiful totem-pole of a cock is in-front of my face. i confidently slip it all into my throat in one go and he lets out a little moan.

i suck him off for what feels like an hour before he pulls me up by my armpits and spins me around, he lifts my dressing gown up and squeezes my ass before bending me over the couch as he teases my underwear down making my cock twitch due to the prolonged friction, he then rubs the head of his penis along the outside of my un-used hole while i beg for his cock i then moan loudly as he slides it all in at once. he grabs the hair on the back of my head and holds my cock in the other one of his massive veiny hands his expert technique instantly turns me into a worthless hole only purpose is to please him, after a few hours of fucking and cumming we fall asleep on the couch naked together.

after a few more days of constant fucking, sucking and cumming my real dad comes home and we have to start being discrete, doing it in one of our cars or while hes away or even just quietly under the kitchen table, the closer he is, the hotter we find it.

after months of this i notice a small ball in the centre of my stomach while getting dressed i think nothing of it and carry on and on until its too obvious to hide under baggy clothes, i tell people im just bulking cause i want to build mass, i wanted to believe it but me and my step dad knew it was more.

his cum must be super-human i quickly became the biggest pregnant person id ever seen i stuck to my story but less and less people believed it that was when my dad confronted me “hey buddy!” he said putting his head around my door into my room as i lay weighted down by my planet-belly, “ive noticed that your clearly pregnant” i try to sit up and defend myself but it takes me far to long to even start bending my mid-section “you dont need to deny it i know what it looks like-you where one hell of a baby! anyway i was just wondering who the daddy was and if hes in the picture” i knew he was asking because my other dad was never in the picture “well erm he kind of is” i finally admit rubbing my tight taught skin “its m-my step dad” i say defeated. “no fucking way!” my dad says more surprised than angry he finally steps fully in my room without a shirt on revealing his own pretty-large pregnant belly…

[normal-thoughts-official]

I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOUR BEAUTY AND THE BEAST IDEA. But may I also propose: Magnus cursed from a young age (probably bc of Asmodeus) that anyone who touches him is hurt by a blast of magic he can't control. (This may result in his mother's death). He locks himself away of his own will. Alec teaches then that it's fear that makes him lash out. Featuring: touch starved Magnus.

this idea is GENIUS actually and i love it. tbh me and my friend have a similar idea that we talk to each other about (lol) but it isn't a B&B thing, its more of an adventure AU. anyway, lets go!

so in this universe i guess magnus banished asmodeus like in the original sh verse but asmodeus cursed him with the "everyone you touch will be in indescribable pain" thing. maybe just as revenge, maybe to try and use it as bargaining chip because okay magnus, is it freedom that u want? u want to be able to have ur own friends and ur own life? fine. get me back, and ill leave u alone, and ull be free to have friends again. if not, ull be still isolated just like before. so is it gonna be win-win, or lose-lose?

but magnus doesn't budge because he knows that if he lets asmodeus free things will only get worse not only for him, but for the whole world. he is too dangerous to be out there. so, magnus resigns to his fate

and i guess in this version he wouldnt have a lot of close friends because he had been with asmodeus his whole life before he was cursed, so he was just. alone in his self-imposed isolation with no one to talk to. maybe he enchants the furniture so they gain sentience but they can't really feel pain, so at least he has someone to talk to. god im so fucking sad already

so is the furniture his friends in canon? im not entirely sure how i feel about that but also the idea of ragnor as that clock from the original movie is great. thats my most important thought on the subject ngl

btw its 4 degrees Celsius in here so im typing with gloves on so ull have to excuse my typos i am a mere brazilian and i want death

anyway okay so i guess his friends are like pieces of furniture that he spelled into sentience and they aren't his servants or anything cuz that's gross but they just like, hang out. wow im actually managing to type pretty well all things considered

so at least magnus has people to talk to but he's still touch starved because you know... a clock can't hug you and that'd just be weird. maybe them becoming sentient was an accident? lmao like magnus just wanted to automate some functions like having the clock talk to tell him the time or something and it turned out that they became sentient. possibly his magic is a little fucky because of the curse so that's why that happened? or maybe he just is way more powerful than he realizes and we all know he invented the spells he used to try and automate the things anyway. but if he gets people to talk to, well, he's not complaining

im focusing too much on this. anyway. id also like to note that im making rapha the cook/stove thing because i mean, come on. it's right there

and ok i guess alec comes into this because he uhhhhhh no u know i might go with that izzy thing. so izzy ran away from home because of maryse's bullshit and alec was sent to bring her back. so he was going after her but in the middle of the path there was the whole wolf attack thing that scared off his horse and LUCKILY magnus' house/tower/whatever was right next!!! so of course they take alec and his horse in but also WHOOPS there's a huge snowstorm that lasts for days (par the course for where magnus lives, actually. he DID want somewhere people would avoid. but also i think maybe his magic being fucky has something to do with it) so i guess alec is stuck at magnus' for the foreseeable future

which is HELL for magnus because he is terrified out of his mind that they will accidentally touch and alec will be hurt. and like.... his Constant Crave For Touch is already bad on a regular day, but having someone who could actually hug him in theory just makes it worse, you know? he hasn't interacted with other human beings in so long, just having one there is enough to make his need for touch almost unbearable and just... completely constant. it's hell

so magnus is scared, which means that he keeps to himself. so he tells alec not to go into his room, he tries not to eat at the same time, and other stuff like that, bUT his friends keep sabotaging his plans because they want him to have another friend, jesus christ!! (rapha being like "come on now magnus, you don't want my soup to get cold, do you? i'll be deeply offended. i guess you have no choice but to eat with alec". so magnus goes but the first thing he does is magic his regular table into a gigantic rectangular table with 41908410 seats and seat on on the side opposite to alec. alec just sighs

so like he's constantly coming across as rude because he is trying to avoid alec, alec just doesn't know why

but alec is also a stubborn bitch who goes stir crazy and refuses to just sit around isolated doing nothing while they wait for the stupid storm to finally be over so he can go get his sister. and magnus saved his life, so it's the least he can do to repay him in some way. besides, this is what, the first time that he's been completely away from his mom? for such a long time too? and he's finding that he feels... weirdly free and just relieved and he doesn't want to waste that opportunity with standing idly around alone all day. he had enough of that at home, thank you very much

besides yeah magnus is being rude but alec is used to straight up assholes and abusers (jace. i'm talking about jace. also maryse ofc but mostly jace) and magnus is not that. in fact he makes very polite conversation and is actually pretty fun during dinner, all things considered. he's just.... super private, i guess

AND magnus' friends are all being a nightmare with the making them interact so you know. they end up interacting. and alec makes it a point to help him take care of his house because it is a certified Depression Lair™. magnus can take care of it magically but it's like... so dark and almost suffocating at times and there is stuff like bad painting and piping problems that he never bothered to fix because it isn't affecting the functionality too much but it DOES makes life harder and alec "everything must be at 100% always" lightwood is not here for it so for a few days they are working on fixing the house and... magnus actually feels a lot better when the place has actual sunlight and looks inviting and like a home, he has to admit. when he says that to alec it might be the first time he's given him a real smile and man, is alec smitten

sidenote i guess this means that magnus doesn't exactly... dress well in this au lmaoo i mean it makes sense too because canonically magnus uses dressing up as a way to convey an image of power and untouchability and he doesn't really need that in this AU since he is completely isolated. so i guess he is a bit more like twi magnus - bare-faced and wearing comfortable clothes and the like. this isn't a twi au i'm just saying that it makes more sense for him to dress like that in that context

anyway. after the whole house fixing thing, they officially become friends. it turns out that alec also knows a bit about what it's like to feel isolated and touch-starved (altho he's always had izzy to help in that department, but still) and also what crappy parents are like. magnus shows alec his little mirror that he's enchanted to be able to show him anything he wants and how he uses it to be able to see all the places in the world he'd like to visit - he loves people, he loves culture, and sometimes it's all he can do to watch what's going on in Mumbai and it makes him feel a little better, so, he does that. he also admits that sometimes he catches on some drama happening and uses the mirror to see the people involved and make sure they are okay. kinda like a soap opera of his own but he has the means to interfere and help because of magic, so he will have someone who's struggling with money suddenly find hidden cash or have an "unknown dead relative" give them a lot of money in their will, or something like that. and if he also watches some of their personal drama that unfolds, well. he is lonely and it's not hurting anyone

but magnus doesn't tell him about the curse, and he still makes sure to keep his distance. it stings a little to alec, but it hurts magnus the most because fuck, maybe he just desperately needs someone who will give him the time of day, but he likes this guy and that only makes it harder to keep his distance. he makes it a point to always be at at least two arms length from alec, which alec thankfully respects and doesn't try to get him to breach, but. shit. it's still so hard to not want to just rest his head on his shoulder or get a hug or even fucking touch pinkies like stupid children and he can't. alec even once jokingly suggests that they have a ball since magnus doesn't know how to dance and magnus is actually excited for a second before he remembers that he can't, it would have to mean that alec touches him, and he can't

someone - maybe ragnor - even suggests that maybe he could try gloves and heavy clothing so alec isn't really touching him but magnus refuses to try because he doesn't want to risk it not working and alec getting hurt, because he'd never forgive himself. besides, getting a taste would only make it hurt more. he can't. he can't

but it's alright because at least he has some human company - he loves his friends, he does, fiercely, but it's different when they kind of have no choice but to be with him and also are enchanted creatures. he doesn't even know if they aren't nice to him just because he enchanted them into life, even tho to be fair if he had a choice ragnor wouldn't be that grouchy - and alec makes him laugh and gets him and helped make his place feel more like home, a little bit. and he can pretend that he feels the warmth from alec's body when they are sitting by the fire and feed these crumbs to his desperate need for touch and company

and then the snowstorm ends and it's time for alec to go

honestly, alec himself is kind of heartbroken, but- he loves his sister, and he can't just leave her alone in god knows where, even if he dreads the thought of coming back home now that he's been away from his family for so long. but magnus doesn't want to keep him, and doesn't want alec to feel pity for him, so he's all but pushing alec out of the door (not literally, of course. he can't do that, it would mean touching him) all "go, go, you never know when another storm might start. go see your sister. take my mirror, you can find her more easy". and alec's all "but it's been the only thing-" and magnus waves him off, of course, all "i can always make myself another one. besides, you'll have something to remember me by. now go"

so.... alec goes

and hooo boy magnus is heartbroken and a mess because even tho he knew how much having someone else there helped he had almost forgotten what it was like to be the only human in the house. he just feels extra lonely and even kind of bad about it because hey, his friends are there - not that they begrudge him for it, of course. it's not like they don't also hope for the chance to get out of the house and do other things, but well. they can't. so they understand him. and they know how awful he's feeling right then, but what can they do?

meanwhile alec finds izzy pretty quickly - she's living with this one insufferable villager named clary that alec absolutely can't stand, but- she's happy. and she doesn't want to come back, which alec expected, but he finds that he can't actually insist for her to come back. how could he, when he himself doesn't want to go?

and izzy insists that he stays with her - there's no reason for him to come back. they can stay in the village, and work, and build a life for themselves. alec is the only thing she's been missing ever since she left, and in here the both of them can actually be happy. and do it together, like they're meant to

and when he first gets into the village is the first time since izzy ran away that he was hugged and fuck, it's hard to say no to her

but also... he misses magnus already

and he doesn't know if he can just stay and leave him behind

and of course izzy is like "who is magnus?" so alec tells her the story, how he was attacked by wolves and rescued by this house that miraculously was in the middle of the single most inhospitable placealec had ever seen in his life. and the kind but wary stranger who always keeps his distance but seems so eager for connection, who made alec feel welcome and laugh and feel like he built a life for himself there

and clary tells him that she's heard of the story, but she never knew it was more than a legend - no one really remembers what happened. some say that magnus made a sacrifice to rid the village of a demon, and it turned him into a beast, forever locked in his castle. some say that he himself is the demon, and it's the tower that's containing him and keeping the village safe. some even say that he died battling the demon, and it's his ghost that keeps watch on the tower

she wants alec to explain which one is true, but it's all alec can say that none of these are right and he knows nothing because magnus never told him. all alec knows is that he doesn't want to leave magnus behind

and clary is like... well, if he's not a demon or a ghost, maybe we could bring him to the village too. he has magic, right? he could bring the tower closer. and maybe the other villagers could, you know, visit him and hang out. and he wouldn't be as lonely, and then alec and izzy could both stay

driven by this failproof plan, they decide to go back to magnus and tell him their great idea

except they are IDIOTS and forget about. you know. the damn wolves

and like holy shit is this pack big or what? like no seriously why are there infinite wolves in that one singular pack in beauty and the beast. like holy shit dude there's more wolves near the beast's house than in the whole yellowstone park

anyway there are Many Wolves and while alec is a good archer, izzy is a fantastic fighter, and clary is Fucking Crazy if you give her something stabby, there's only so many wolves they can take on at the same time

good thing magnus is a pining idiot who did in fact make himself another magic mirror and was watching alec with it. so he knows that the dumbass is in trouble and for the first time in years, he uses the portal (his own invention, and he had never gotten to use it before!) to get to them and fight off the wolves

so magnus saves all their lives, at the cost of getting severely injured and passing the fuck out. izzy, who's the one closest, runs to get to him and help put him on one of their horses... and is immediately hit by a blast of magic that almost makes HER pass tf out too

which is when they finally learn that, oh. that is the curse

izzy is fine, of course - the pain ended as soon as she was away from magnus

but it does pose the problem of How The Fuck Are They Getting Him Back To Safety, because they can't exactly wait for magnus to wake up (it's freezing, for starters) but with this amount of pain it won't be physically possible for them to hoist him up and get him on the horse. shit, will the curse work on the horse?

they bring alec's horse (by far the strongest of them because alec is huge buff mcgee) and try to get him to touch magnus and the spell does NOT work on the horse because in order to be dramatic asmodeus was like "you shall never feel human touch again" when he cast the spell, which accidentally gave a LOOPHOLE for non-human animals. so magnus could have had cats the whole time, which he had always dreamed of, but he didnt want to risk testing. besides, his house would be a poor environment for a cat and [self torture noises]

anyway thats one less problem to deal with, 99 to go, so they use some ropes to hoist magnus on top of the horse and bring him back to the tower (it's closer than the village) so they can tend to his wounds. thankfully, as the assigned Big Brother of a very irresponsible izzy, alec has experience with first aid, altho he never really dealt with anything quite this bad. and magnus' friends help, too, as much as they can. inevitably this means that alec ends up touching him even if by accident sometimes, but he knows what to expect so he Powers Through It because he won't let magnus die, damn. and as horrible as that is alec has experience with powering through pain, so. he's gonna bandage him up god damn it

izzy can't stand to see him dealing with that himself tho, so she helps, and clary ends up helping as well because they figure sharing the pain makes it easier and alec doesn't have to be too hurt. minimal touching accidents for alec! good

*narrator voice* And Then Magnus Wakes Up And Alec Hugs Him

full on launches on top of him and brings him into his arms and Magnus screams like NONONO OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING ALEC NO GET OFF ME YOU'LL BE HURT and his shock and distress at the whole thing sends another whole blast of magic that explodes that whole mf before it can touch alec and alec feels no pain and magnus is like.............. did i just COUNTER the spell? and everyone's like well! it looks like u did!

which earns him ANOTHER hug (oh my god alec stop he's so stressed out by this) (who knew alec was so touchy?) and this time he's paying attention to that gut reaction and because magnus is a Certified Magic Genius he realizes what it is that he's doing to counter the spell and immediately starts working on a way to turn this into unhexxing himself for good

which he DOES after some time idk how long but alec stays with him meanwhile and maybe izzy and clary do too, because magnus needs all the company he can get and besides, izzy has always wanted adventure and clary has never left the village before, so this is interesting to them at least. and magnus gets to meet new ppl which is nice

eventually the Begone Spell spell is performed and it works and turns out that when it does that it also unfucks magnus' magic and perfects his sentience spell turning all of his friends into humans WOW WHOD HAVE THOUGHT. so all of them are free to leave the tower as ppl at the same time and GROUP HUG!! and magnus cries like a baby in the group hug because holy shit hes been needing something like this so bad for so long and he never expected to have that with his friends but here he is :)

and then yeah they all move to the village to live a simple but fulfilling life and Magnus and Alec start living together in a little cottage and become husbands the end <3 this is so long too rip me

[undergroundkid]

8. The serene intensity

During day shifts, you weren’t alone at least. The ever-exciting presence of Yoonho’s was absent since he somehow was busy all your shift, but at least you had the new intern standing at the front desk. What your hotel porter was doing in such a lazy day was far beyond you – Yoonho usually sat during these shifts alongside you on the reception, throwing jokes back and forth.  You had a feeling in your gut that he was avoiding you, not quite sure why, but the way he disappeared the moment you stepped into the hotel was suspicious. Was he still angry about the day you ditched him for the piano music? Geez, this little boy and his attitude.. On the second hand, you could sit alone in the back of the reception without the annoying nagging of your coworker. His always happy persona would quickly pick up your different aura and you surely weren’t ready to explain the cause of it.

His hand gripped your waist, not letting you shy away from his body. The second one entangled in your messy locks held your head steady, leaving you defenseless to his conquering lips. Your fingertips brushed against male’s shirt, dry skin on soft material, not quite sure if the gesture was one of decline, acceptance or astonishment – what to think, or more importantly, how to think when you are kissed with such a passion?

You massaged your temples, giving up on the documents spread before you on the desk. The letters had no meaning, just empty graphics without any sense of all. The only thing picking up your interest was the color of the furniture; mahogany brown, just like the one from apartment 402.

He pushed you against the desk, pinning you to the surface with one motion of his hips. You gasped, which allowed him to slip his tongue inside your mouth. He moved smoothly and confidently, trained well in this old, carnival dance. - Mr. Changkyun – a quiet murmur was all you got, breathless from not so simple kiss. He shushed you somewhere between kisses alongside your neck, but when you repeated his name once again – this time stronger, magically gripping the reality of the situation, he shoved two fingers into your mouth. - Shh, little doe – his voice poured straight to your core, starting the fire when his teeth grazed your ear:- Let me show you what you’re missing hiding in the forest all the time, yeah?

Previous night’s images were playing in your head in a loop, stuck on forever replay. The whole building was too heavy, not spacious enough for you and your hazy head full of fresh memories. You could feel how sticky your blouse was already. It was barely 5 PM, still a few hours away from shredding your uniform.

He pushed your sweater high enough to shower your stomach with brief kisses, biting at your waistline. Not enough to dive himself into your breasts though, so he almost tore the clothing away.

Your manager will bite your head off for lack of work today, that’s for sure.

He pulled down the straps of your bra with his teeth, softly dropping it on the floor. Shivers ran through your topless torso, more of excitement than coldness; you let his hands map your body, feeling oddly safe. You could only think about how he still had his shirt on, no second thoughts about the whole situation. The freshness of being intimate with someone again gave you a high feeling, a light chest full of short breaths, and sudden strength to bow your spine seductively. You pulled at his shirt impatiently, wanting to feel his skin on yours, but at this moment all his focus was set on the zipper of your pants. Your quiet whines finally caught his attention after he discarded your jeans and by the way he smirked, you were pretty sure he was aware of your request all this time. - Something’s wrong? – he questioned, gently stroking your lower abdomen with the back of his hand; the other one playing with the hem of your panties. You gripped his shirt, hoping it would be enough for an answer, but he snapped your underwear disapprovingly. His dark eyes looked expectantly at you, fully prepared to drag this out if you won’t cooperate. - Can you.. can you take your shirt off? – you asked, a new set of fire consuming your face, so you tried to hide it behind an added plea:- Please? He took it off without hesitation with barely audible ‘not that hard, hm?’. You were drawn to the exposed skin immediately, hands softly grazing his chest.

You opened the few buttons of your blouse, the need for cooling off stronger than work ethic. Carefully looking at your reflection in the glass of the nearby shelf, you looked presentable; hair surprisingly neatly, no wrinkles on the shirt. But the shame filled you from head to toe.

- You have to tell me – he said, tone still, even if his fingers were all but still; pumping into your core with ferocity. Squishy sounds were loud in your ears, almost drowning his request. The ecstasy of his touch was unbearable, mind hazy, nails scratching male’s arms. You could only respond in a whine, lost between wild want and embarrassment of being exposed. Nude, eager and filthy; you are filthy, what the heck are you doing, but god damn his fingers, oh my god oh my god oh my- He stopped, his hands disappearing without any warning. - No! – your id squeaked and continued, despite the superego laments:- No, no, why you stopped? - I said you have to tell me – Im drew circles on your stomach with his wet fingers, then around your breasts, cleavage and paused at your collarbones. His eyes finally met your desperate gaze:- What are you waiting for, baby? You barely recognized his words were the same as an hour ago. The very same people but a dissimilar situation, unalike aura –and so your mind, contrasting to blank mindset back then, now full of lust, loud as thunder. Muting your morals, you said loud and clear: - You. I want you.

You can’t blame this on anybody else; shit, you gave him all your consent.

- Do you? His question wasn’t what you were expecting. Changkyun pulled your right hand, pointing at the wrist scarred with tattoo ink. - You say it’s me, but you came here with this awful mark.. When he first saw your tattoo in the reception, he was disgusted, but at this moment you swear you could almost say he’s hurt. Why though? Why is he so touchy about it? Your body’s hunger didn’t want to wait and listen to the pointless conversation. All you could do was to mewl with dissatisfaction, rubbing your thigs together for comfort. Your partner agreed with a groan. - But you can feel it, right? Stronger than whatever poison this bastard gashed you with – Im kissed you, dropping your hand, he searched for something behind your figure.  His kisses were deep and breathtaking, spinning you straight into blissful numbness. You felt cold material around your hand. - Just me and you – he whispered against your lips, showing you how he tied up your and his wrists together.

Thinking about it with a clear head now, it wasn’t just about how you gave him consent. More humiliating to you was actually how you enjoyed it.

His hips came flush to yours at a constant pace with your ragged breaths. - Look at me – he demanded:- Look at me and tell me, who makes you sing like this, Missy? Muffled ‘you’ fell from your mouth somewhere between ecstatic gasps. You were ready to tell whatever it takes for him to keep up the sweet feeling of fullness. Your womanhood drowned in the euphoria of long-forgotten attention. When was the last time..? - That’s right, that’s right.. – Im laced fingers with yours and together you gripped your knee, letting him dive deeper into you. The silk scarf wrapped tightly around both your wrists felt shockingly cold on your hot skin. Your stomach twisted and tightened up, drawing a hiss from your partner. - Shit – he murmured, clashing your lips again and speeding up his rhythm. You started to mumble nonsense into his skin, losing the balance of reality. More more more.. - Come with me, little doe, come on – his voice lurked you into leaping into madness, orgasmic waves eating you up, mouth opening up in silent scream. With closed eyes you let your mind leave your body, lost in the time and space, pleasure being the only felt sensation.

As euphoric and fantastic was your encounter, you quickly came back to realization – you slept with your guest. It didn’t hit you right away, of course, you were way too smitten with his body on top of yours and kisses shared right after; but when he left to the bathroom, you simply panicked.  So you dressed up hastily and almost ran out of the hotel, taking the back exit in fear of meeting any coworker. Now, just the day after, you hide in the backroom, wishing to stay there your whole shift. Where went all your professionalism that you’re so damn proud of? Straight outta window surely, because you needed only a little attention to fully submit. To a guest. Your client. Pretty much stranger. Shameful and filthy, full of regret, but still thinking – about his scent, smoky but rich incense; about hints of wine on his tongue when he moaned during your orgasms; about his long fingers, firmly gripping yours, scarf connecting your wrists skin to skin. How wonderful it felt to be desired again, by a handsome man nonetheless.. or was it just a game for him? The silly receptionist bought trick with a time-stopping lighter? What was worse? It shouldn’t have happened. Your parents would probably kick you out with distaste. Your boss? The number of glares from coworkers, gossip following you everywhere? You stupid girl, you forgot everything so easily, you can lose it all- - Miss Y/N? You nearly jumped, the unexpected voice from the intern harshly pulling you back to reality. - Oh, sorry! – she swiftly apologized, uneasiness painting her ears scarlet:- I thought you will have a spare minute! S-sorry, I will take care of it! - No, no, it’s okay – you scolded yourself for drifting away so carelessly:- What is it? Do you need any help? - Uhh, kind of – her eyes snapped nervously back to the reception:- I mean, there’s new guest.. I booked him, the procedure says we should carry his luggage but I can’t reach the porter.. - Damn Yoonho – with a shake of your head, you stood up and headed towards the front desk:- What is he doing, lacking off like this? - I’m sure he has something to do, Miss! – her hurried response and fluttering lashes gave you some hints about reasons for her heroic defense of said boy:- Please don’t yell at him later.. After a few seconds of silence, you responded with a sigh. - Only because you asked me to. Try to look for a better catch though, okay? At least more reliable than him – she giggled at your words, mumbling something about how it’s not like that, but you knew better. The shy shuffling of her feet told you everything. You rolled your eyes with a faint smile; innocent crush. They’re so young and cute it’s making you feel really old. You stepped into reception without further thinking, leaving embarrassing memories behind you with the hope of not meeting your fears immediately. Thankfully, the place was quiet – the only figure was the new guest absorbed in his smartphone. He was young, despite the first impression – the grey hair must’ve been dyed. He hid his features behind the facemask. He worn sports clothes, kind of baggy and you weren’t sure if that’s just his style or he’s some celebrity trying hard to blend in. You spotted a gym bag next to him, not really the big one. You were ready to inform the intern it’s not necessary to take the luggage, but then you spotted the black business card in his hand. Instantly you straightened up, nerves kicking in. - Good afternoon, sir – you greeted him with a polite voice and despite you seriously didn’t want to, you offered:- Let me assist you to your apartment.

thank you for reading

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[hey-hamlet]

BNHA AU Ideas: Power Transfer

Also on AO3!

TL;DR: 

One for all is a power that has been passed down for generations. Turns out the most recent generation can afford to be a whole lot more liberal with his sharing. Also turns out sharing quirks runs in the family.

An AU where Izuku can share OFA full cowling with multiple people at once.

shared power ofa,

izuku giving aizawa 5% of one for all durring the usj or izuku giving toshinori 99% of OFA durring the last fight

cause consider the world never finding out about small might, all might retires but izuku knows

the rescue team all having the max amount of ofa they can use, which is around 2% each, cause a lil sparking team of heroes

izuku using kirishima to give bakugo some too n them using it to get away

izuku having two quirks is my favourite goddamn thing bc him being able to share his quirk but not having anything to share is great

he gives bits to allmight, like a constant 1% so he can teach classes and do press stuff

some rando wants to do an "all might" where is he now segment and it spans a good few months so izuku is continuously in the background just

conspiracy theory starts that izuku is a villain or allmights son

a villain and all might's son

izuku has no double toe joint but the doc cant find any evidence of a quirk? so he tells them izuku is either quirkless or has an invisible quirk. something subtle, or specific enough to have not activated by now

bakugo kinda,, is chill with izuku. he was waiting for izuku to develop a quirk till he judged him, but he never did so he kinda withheld judgement long enough for them to become decent friends

anyway, izuku likes to ramble about different things his quirk could technically be, bakugo likes to join in. they can go at this for h o u r s cackling about stupid hypotheticals

they workout together, they both do boxing and try out random moves they see on the internet on each other. they have a pile of gym mats in the woods like the weirdos they are

bakugo is like,, convinced izuku's quirk is actually an intellect up but he just shrugs

izuku has to grab something before he heads home so he takes the underpass and we get basically episode 1 from there. all might says no, the villain gets away, attacks Bakugo. izuku runs in, throws dust in the villain's eyes and pulls at bakugo's hands. all might jumps in, saves the day yada yada

some background for u about all might bc his past is a touch different here. during the battle with afo, afo was distracted. all might sustained the same injures but won more easily.

night eye never looks into his future because "my purpose is done, nighteye. let's live like everyone else, no fate of the world on our shoulders" he never looks into all mights future again at his request

they stay together

so instead of the big argument they go get ramen and get drunk because they don't have to be superhuman anymore, they can relax now

back to the main timeline-

so izuku is already fit, cleans the beach in 8 months, nighteye supervises

all might gives izuku the quirk 2 months before the entrance exam, nighteye is there to "oversee" (he wants to see izuku choke on a hair and laugh at this kid hes become pretty fond of)

also mirio! is izuku's bro because i love he

izuku eats the hair and gets the quirk like, instantly which?? is confusing nighteye and all might. nighteye has like,,, hidden behind a car because hes the only person with self-preservation

allmight touches izuku and the lightning climbs up his arm and he just pOofs out into swolmight. hes ShooK, so is izuku

anyway, he manages to turn it off and izuku is just standing there like "oh my god what the fuck"

"izuku,, what,, happened there"

",,,, one for all??? leaked out??? into allmight????"

...

"nighteye come over here."

"izukU nO"

"STAND STILL NIGHTEYE I JUST NEED TO TRY SOMETHING"

nighteye is forcibly given a little of ofa and regrets a lot of stuff

anyway, izuku breaks an arm trying to use ofa and hes muttering trying to work out how to use it, nighteye basically says "well, think back to how ofa came about" and izuku is like ",,, what"

and nighteye screams because TOSHI YOU DIDNT TELL HIM?????? and allmight ",,, o o p s"

so izuku gets to hear the story of all for one while hes being driven to UA for recovery girl hes,,, really quiet for a second

"when did you fight him?"

"six years ago, april?"

",,, this has to be a coincidence"

hisashi went out on a "business trip" 6 years ago and they haven't seen him since. he calls, but hes never visited and izuku has this terrible feeling

because izuku cant calm down and because nighteye thinks this kid might be on to something they call tsukauchi and he agrees to meet them at UA

izuku gets treated, naomasa is in v quickly afterwards before he calls his dad he turns to nighteye, allmight and Naomasa

"i've never been able to lie to my dad. i thought he was just really good at reading me but,,"

"if hes afo he might have a quirk"

"yeah. so i'll just twist the truth. im good at that, but thats all i'll be able to do"

anyway, he calls up his dad and slaps this big grin on his face. the phone is on speaker

"hey dad!!!!" "izuku! is something wrong?"

"oi, cant i call my dad for no reason?"

"you, willingly calling someone? dont make me laugh"

izuku giggles despite himself

"anyway, you'll never guess!!"

"did youuuu,,,, hmmmm, meet all might?"

they freeze but izuku just laughs

"yeah,, but thats not the most exciting thing!!! my quirk came in finally"

"oh?"

"yeah! imagine the worlds most basic power enhancer, but i can share the energy! you have any idea where that could have come from?"

"no! i can't think of anyone in our family with a quirk like that! sounds crazy!"

naomasa looks grin, and mouths "liar"

izuku pales but keeps his smile

"do you think you could visit, id love to show you!! oh, maybe we could test it together! you always had the best ideas for my quirk notes"

"id love to izuku, but im stuck in america for the near future, you know it is. i'll see what i can do tho, ok champ?"

naomasa shakes his head again "lying" izuku looks like hes going to be sick. nighteye is pale, all might looks stunned. izuku grits his teeth but his voice is still light and happy

"i'm gonna make it into UA so you can watch me kick butt from america! you better cheer me on!"

"im looking forward to it. say hi to your mother from me."

naomasa nods. hes telling the truth. that makes nighteye feel the sickest

"love you izuku"

",,, love you too dad"

izuku hangs up the phone and retches into the bin. nighteye is shaking. all might storms out. naomasa punches the wall

izuku looks up with tears in his eyes

",,, does my mum know?"

nighteye wants to cry

"i dont know kid"

izuku tells katuski that his quirk finally came in! but,,, in the worlds biggest mess of a way

basically hes lying in bed, trying to work out why he can't use it without breaking bones but the people he shares it with can, he bolts upright

"POWER MODULATION OH MY GOD"

he runs out his door all the way to bakugos house and climbs in through his window, grabbing a sleeping bakugo by the shoulders

"KACCHAN ITS POWER MODULATION"

"IZuKU whAt tHE fuCK"

"my quirk!!! i was breaking bones because i wasnt modulating it!!!"

",,,,q QUiRK/???/?"

",,,, oh yeah oops"

mitsuki runs in with a frying pan ready to murder a villain but its just izuku

"carry on"

izuku doesnt tell him its ofa but he explains his quirk has finally showed up, bakugo asks him if hes registered it yet

",,,noooooo"

"wait what? you, breaking the law? mister "i cant kill an ant because all might himself will call me a villain""

izuku, w the most shit-eating grin, explains that you only legaly have to register your quirk when it shows up, or after you are tested when you are five, whichever happens first so, legally, he doesnt need to register because it would be seen as voluntary updating

cut to the enterance exam

aizawa is holding the papers for the kids hes observing right then

"quirkless? that kid doesn't look quirkless"

and yagi sighs

"of course he didnt,,,"

"all might? do you know him?"

"NO NO IDEA WHO MID- THAT YOUNG CHILD IS"

",,,, r i g h t"

“aizawa listen i have never seen young midoriya in my life ever”

basically, izuku is hiding the "transfer" part of his power from most people bc hes stubborn and thinks it could be useful

also,,, in this au shinso makes it in on hero points thanks

bakugo is about to rush the 0 pointer but shinso can see its going to fall on him shinsou yells

"HEY FUCK FACE"

"HA-"

"MOVE MOVE MOVE GET OVER HERE BEFORE YOU FUCKING DIE OH MY GOD MOVE I DONT WANT TO SEE SOMEONE DIE TODAY"

shinsou and bakugou are the type of friends that flat out have no love for each other but would punch anyone who says anything bad abt the other. like shinsou walks into school and bakugou s just

“dammit i thought u fucking died smh”

“i wish i did then i wouldn’t have to look at ur ugly ass”

in this au shinso and izuku bond when they are standing outside they door bc izuku looks like hes gonna fucking cry hes so scared and shinsou is like "wow big mood"

shinso is not shinson in this au! bc izuku is gonna do a soft

basically, quirk test? shinsou is s w e a t i n g bakugo looks a little worried for his new friend but no one would notice if they weren’t izuku

shinsou turns to him like "my quirk is mental im going to fa I L"

izuku grabs his hand and he feels this rush of energy, you can almost see it dancing along his skin. izuku grins

"i think you'll find you do just fine"

(izuku gave him like,, less than a full 1% but hes like doubled in strength and speed and hes??? shook?? bc whats happening)

aizawa is lost bc shinso has a mental quirk he shouldnt be doing this well, so he tries to cancel it

nothing happens and aizawa is so lost??? bc shinsou is kinda reedy and not super fit but hes placing solidly in the middle

and he noticing that shinso’s eyes seem to be glowing and so are they eyes of the kid coming in second and gives a big "hm,mmmm"

anyway, ball pitch, he cancels izukus quirk and turns to look at shinso, his eyes are dim. izuku looks sheepish but also like hes ready to throw down and its an interesting look

aizawa just sighs "you know what? just throw the ball."

izuku g r i n s and yeets it into next year using more of his quirk than he like,, really should have? to prove a point (his finger is bruised, not broken. he used 25%)

anyway aizawa shows the results, shinso is in the middle, izuku second, hagakure is last and sadly shes not getting expelled bc plot reasons – im sorry I have a thing against her shes perfectly valid probably im just still convinced shes the traitor even tho its totally a teacher

he calls izuku out on it but does admit he didnt say you couldnt help eachother, so its kind on him. shinso looks like hes going to pass out with relief

Hagekure is the traitor in this au though, 100%

during the camp she is at the pick up zone, hiding. izuku pulls bakugo out of the way, they all seem safe

but

she pushes izuku in through the portal as it closes

fyi afo takes her quirk and leaves her braindead in the nomu factory bc shes not useful anymore. also because now he needs to have a really awkward conversation with his son he was hoping to avoid

also usj? is really melodramatic

he gives aizawa 4% which is the max nighteye could hold without it hurting

aizawa takes a hit from the nomu and he reaches out his hand

izuku cries as he gives him an extra 4% and aizawa gets free but he can see bruises forming with every step his teacher takes

[noobfics-btsblog]

Rain

Pairing- min yoongi & reader

genre-fluff (in my opinion)

a/n- this is an excerpt of a fanfic im currently working on. i posted this to showcase my writing in hopes people would be interested in seeing the whole story in the future.

also, still working on the title

...I didnt know why i was so nervous, we were just friends after all. at least thats what i try to convince myself of, but in the back of my mind i knew the truth. im not sure how it happened-well, thats not true either-, i knew exactly when my feelings shifted from a place of pure lust...to something...a bit more. 

it was some time last year. i was on my way out of the office and i noticed through the glass doors that it was raining outside. i knew it was on the forecast and i did have an umbrella, but i forgot it back in my studio. as i turned to retrieve my forgotten umbrella, i noticed something else- some one else- HER. She was leaning against the wall looking up at the sky, occasionally taking sips from the coffee she was holding, and...she was completely drenched. I walked over to the door not believing what i was seeing. why was she just standing there? i called out to her twice (barely poking my head out through the door) before she stirred from whatever deep thought she was in.

 “what are you doing?”

“oh sorry sir! Did you need something?”. at that time she had only been working with us for a few months and i was the only one she still called “sir” or “Mr.” mostly because i never gave her the ok to refer to me otherwise..call it a kink i guess. At that time she had been assigned to be a sort of personal assistant to me, and her being the professional she was, was concerned i might have been roaming around the building looking for her.

“No you idiot! What are you doing out here?”. she was younger than me by a year and i had gotten used to talking to her the way i talk to the rest of my dongsaengs and, also like the rest of my dongsaengs, she got on my nerves sometimes.

“um..just..enjoying the rain...” her eyes darted around her for a second before looking back at me.  As if it was so obvious and i was the stupid one for asking. i rolled my eyes and with a frustrated sigh i jogged over to her. she was a bit a ways from the entrance of the building so as i approached she she had a chance to return to her previous activity: leaning against the wall and contemplate the sky. i leaned on my shoulder against the wall next to her. i had my hands stuffed in my pockets and i coward and winced with each drop of water that hit me. 

“what i meant was: WHY are you out here? Normal people usually “enjoy” the rain without actually being in it”. she smiled and answered without looking at me,

“you dont like the rain?”

“i dont like getting wet” i answered very matter of fact, “i dont mind the rain itself..its just water after all. but no, i dont enjoy being cold and wet like you seem to”. she didnt answer right away, so i followed her gaze. it was raining pretty intensely, it was like someone had turned on the shower head over the city of Seoul. but the sky she was so interested in was typical of a rainy day: thick grey clouds and nothing else. when she spoke again i jumped a little.

“The rain gets a bad rap sometimes doesnt it?” it wasnt really a question for me so i stayed silent and let her continue. “it floods, seeps into buildings, and when the right things come together perfectly...you get a storm...leaving destruction and chaos...destruction.” I remember she spoke low and slow, that was the longest she had ever spoken to me, and she had my full attention as i stared down at her. “and during those times, we forget that it also brings life. its because the destruction is in your face..you can see evidence of it immediately. but todays rain might be growing next months grass, trees, or flowers. maybe a puddle today helps relive the thirst of a few stray animals. maybe it fills drought threatened lakes and rivers. we need the rain.” Then and now, what she said reminded me of that one saying that goes something like: people only notice your mistakes. i reflect on that from time to time..

“ that still doesnt answer why youre willingly getting caught in the rain.” she smiled and ticked her eyes at me.

“i like it” she shrugged “people sun bathe all the time...just to feel the rays of the sun..i want to FEEL the rain.” 

“its wet.. what else is there?” i was in fact interested. i had spent the last few months trying to figure her out and it was my first opportunity to find out what goes on in her mind..

“its not just the physical feeling..” she was annoyed then her usual tone with me..

“youve heard the saying ‘the calm before the storm’ its a real thing. the clouds start rolling in..they start thick and plush..and i dont really know how to describe it...its like world goes quiet. even when youre driving in it things seem more relaxed and quiet. and the smell..much better than the pollution and dust and whatever else we breath in all day long. but my favorite part is when it actually starts raining..” her words trailed off for moment “whats that thing called in music that helps keep the tempo?” i wasnt sure if she was really asking me or just talking to herself at that point. at that moment i wasnt sure if she even knew i was still there, but i answered anyway.

“metronome” she smiled at me

“metronome...thats what the rain sounds like. Did you know its sometimes used to hypnotize people- the metronome i mean- its supposed to help you concentrate on a particular rhythm and put you in like a sort of trance i guess. rain is like that.each drop of rain that falls against the concrete, or your window, or peoples umbrellas is like natures metronome putting you in a trance and clearing your mind of all the constant inner chatter.” her eyes had started to fade, growing distant, the way people do when they were thinking. in her case she was reliving a memory..

“there’s a powerful thing about sound and smells too that can bring up things in your mind you thought were left forgotten. like every time it rains and im in that “trance stage” i cant help but relive stuff from when i was young and-”

“you’re still young” i cut her off; she was only 23. she gave me a look

“when i was youngER” she corrected, “i guess what i mean is that feeling of being free. like when you're a child and you run around jumping in the puddles. getting muddy and dirty even though you knew your mom would get mad. you didn’t care because you were young and having fun.” she began to chuckle “and really anything can happen in the rain..and again sure, tragedy, like a car crash or whatever. but also a lot of wonderful moments...i mean thats why they put romantic rain scenes in movies right?” her eyes flashed me a glance..i swallowed. “and those scenes with teenagers sneaking out and getting into trouble and making bad decisions- actually there was this one time a few of us snuck into this apartment complex to hang out by the pool. it was a summer night and we were off school and we had a bunch of beer- one of my friends had a fake ID- and we just needed a place to drink where we wouldnt get caught and a friend suggested these old apartment complex he used to live in since he knew security was..well not good. anyway as the night went on, that ‘about to rain’ smell started to grown and all of a sudden it was pouring.” she smiled as her eyes started to grow distant, lost in the memory. “we all laughed and then one by one we started to jump into the pool fully clothed” she started to laugh again as was coming out of that memory. ”i think that was one of the best times i had with that group of friends. its like the rain had washed away all the..front..you know what i mean? like they each had their persona. what they want you to think they are like. always trying to pretend like they were something else. but when that rain came it washed away all the bullshit..sorry..” she flashed a worried glance at me and i waved it off. “anyway its like they were finally able to be themselves and just have fun instead of trying to act cool all the time. and the rest of the night we just had a ton of laughs and good conversation.”  she paused for a moment and i waited patiently as i myself was taking in everything she had said. “i guess all i mean is, to me, rain is more than just water from the sky. its not just weather. its life. its beauty and growth and smiles and laughter. some bad times, some good times..and some good con..versations..” she had turned to look at me as she pronounced that last word, letting her voice fall to nearly a whisper. She looked..surprised...and she had stiffened. She looked guarded as she held her coffee tight with both hands. At first i couldnt figure out what had caused her sudden change in attitude. Then her eyes flicked between my eyes and...i wasnt sure what..something lower on my face? my lips? why was she looking at my lips?

That’s when she let out a staggered breath and the smell of her coffee hit me. i was suddenly aware of how close to her face i was. I’m not sure when, but at some point, i had begun to lean into her as she had me mesmerized. i swallowed hard, blinked a few times, and straightened myself out turning away from her awkwardly- but not before i caught a glimpse of her blushing, looking down at her coffee smiling.  I couldn’t bring myself to do much else other than stand there fidgeting with my earring. After what seemed like the longest 2 seconds of my life passed, it was her who broke the silence.

“um..anyway, what are you doing out here sir?”. I turned to look at her, then down at myself, and i sighed as i let my head and shoulders drop. i hadn’t noticed until now, but i was as soaked as she was. i had a thin, black, long sleeve shirt that was clinging on to my skin and my jeans felt heavy with all the water they had soaked up. i went to rub my hair, my fringe was stuck to my forehead, it felt like i just got out the shower. i laughed a bit bitterly at myself. “what, what is it?” she asked. i looked at her and grinned.

“i was actually on my way out and saw it was raining...i was going to go back and get my umbrella but...” i let my sentence end there and just shrugged. 

“oh...oohh..”As she started to realize it was her fault i didn’t need the umbrella anymore, we both started to laugh. “I’m sorry sir i didn’t mean to keep you..ugh now look at you” i waived off her worry and just shrugged again.

“it’s only a little rain. come on, I’ll walk you home.” she smiled and nodded.

I dont remember what all was said on that short walk to her place, what i do remember though was how i felt. before that moment, all i wanted to know about her was how she would feel when i touched her, what her lips would feel like against mine, i wanted to explore all her body had to offer. But suddenly things were different now. As we walked along-and in between catching the other starring- i started to think differently. i wanted to know more about her. i wanted to explore her MIND. This person who i always called dumb or an idiot actually had me wanting to know more. What did she think about music? would we like the same songs? Does she like MY music? And the fact that her opinion of me mattered was different in itself. I wanted to know her opinion of a lot of stuff. i wanted to know what made her mind tick. what makes her mad? what makes her sad? whats her favorite food? can i take her to eat it? what makes her happy? i hoped it could be me..

[datingadviceonreddit]

This is gonna be a long story and may not be as full of thrill as you might expect, but I would really appriciate any advice or insight I could get, so bear with me, if you can.Tldr: Manipulative ex gf thanked me for getting her through school and family isssues for 8 years by screwing her coworker and letting me find the used panties.Since there´s a lot of talk about abuse in relationships I´ve come to think about my last relationship and whether my (27m) ex-gf (25f) emotionally abused me. This is in no form a talk of physical abuse, but coming out of the bubble I was in, when I was still with her, I think that some things she did to me would be considered insane, if a guy did that to his girl.For background: I met my ex-gf when I was 18. She was 16 and seemed like the sweetest girl in the world. She was exactly my type, sweet, caring and came from a shitty family background, which I absolutely do not. Not only did I fell madly in love with her, I also wanted to help her overcome all the losses and insecurities she had dealt with. Her father was a women hating alcoholic pos that died when she was 13 and most likely killed himself. He had told her literally since the day she was born that she was trash, because she was a girl. When the nurse said he had become father to a wonderful daughter he replied with "well the dumb ones loose their cock". So that´s the kind of guy that had indoctrinated her to think she was worthless and would end up like her mother. Her mum was kind, but also one of the dumbest and most ignorant people I have ever met. During the 8 years of our relationship I have met so many new "step dads" for my ex, that I´m pretty sure I must have forgotten some.For the first two years our relationship was seemingly fine. I showed her that she could become anything she wanted, helped her with school, with bullies, her idiotic mother, her ignorant brother and so much stuff, my life basically consisted of nothing more than making sure she was alright. She had depression, an eating disorder and on top of that she had a habit of taking care of any animal she could get her hands on. When we first met, she had three cats, two bunnies and a horse. When we split it was still three cats, a dog, the horse and a pony. Financing almost everything about them alone and taking care of them 24/7 while doing school or working. This has made up a huge part of our live and tbh - I miss this so much it breaks my heart.I admired her for caring for all of them and over the years I got so involved I took care of the animals like they were my own. I have spent nights and days at our barn making sure the horses were fine and raised our dog for 7 years with her. Loosing the dog was the worst part for me honestly.Anyways during the first two years she kinda looked up to me I guess. I helped her through school, getting a job and eventually to become a nurse. I accompanied her to exams, even pretty much wrote a major paper for her (I know) and what not.I cant really tell at what point the dynamic shifted but I guess it was somewhere around our third year together. She always had a temper and when she got mad, it was like all she could see was red and the things she sometimes said to me were so humiliating and mean that today I would walk out the second the first thing came out of anyones mouth.It got worse and worse and to give you a bigger picture I will list some things out of the last two years:- She twisted anything I said all the time. Sometimes she raged all of a sudden over a thing I had allegedly said the day before. She made up entire conversations that had never happened and when I called out this bs she came up with things like "so youre calling me a liar" and the fight continued from there on- she constantly accused me of cheating even though I was carrying her on my hands like a princess, caring for her and her pets 24/7 and if I got mad, she got even more mad, insisting that I had no right to get mad over the accusation, because that would be a sign they were true. I had caught her texting at least two guys she lied to me about in a semi explicit way, but of course when I caught her it was my fault.- She called me names, yelled at me, told me to fuck off and when I left she said if I would leave we´d be done.It was like that at least once every two weeks, probably more often.Im sorry if this is a little confusing to follow. It is hard to grasp being humiliated and manipulated over a course of years and put it into sentences.Still, here is something that really stuck with me.I was going on walks with her horses and her at least four times a week. It was hard work, and she constantly told me how bad I was at handling the horses and what not, even though pressuring me and punishing me if I did not come along, because she had more work to do then. When we went on walks we would bring large garbage bags and gloves to pick up the horse sht. We were walking through neighborhoods and streets and didnt want to leave it jus there. That one day she told me to get the bags so we could go. I went into your shed, grabbed them from the usual chair they were on and put them into my pocket. These are regualy folded trash bags from a role like you probably use every other day. So at some point the horse does its duty and I hand my ex-gf the bag, she unfolds it and sees it has a giant hole at the bottom which was not visible before. It was a fabrication mistake which you could only see once you really wanted to use it. She then screamed at me on a street in full daylight with people around how dumb I was to not see this before, if I could do anything right and tbh, it was the ususal talk for me. I told her there was no way of knowing for me and that I had just taken them from the usual place. She then told me that she had already known that apparently the whole role had been like this but she did not throw them away. So she knew I would grab these and it would play out like this or just didnt think about it herself. She literally screamed at me and still insisted I was too stupid to do basic tasks and here comes the part that was really bad for me.Apparently she had also forgotten to bring the gloves we use to pick the shit up and since it was my fault the bag was broken I would have to pick the shit up with my bare hands. I really dont find horse shit gross compared to dog or whatever shit but it still is what it is and it was a lot. There was screaming at me not to be a little bitch and pick up the shit and find a way the bag will hold it. The worst thing for me about this that I was actually on my knees, over the pile and I was so close to pick it up, it makes me sick thinking about it. Eventually I told her Im not doing it, she just walked away silently and told me once we´re back at the barn I could leave.Now you wonder, why I didnt leave. Its simple. I loved her more than anything. She had a habit to apologize so sincerely a day after her usual tantrums, I just believed her. She would come a day later and tell me that she would just get consumed by rage and couldnt help but talking like while at the same time not meaning anything of it sincerely. Shed tell me shed love me, be nothing without me, love the way I treat her and her animals and that I should believe her that nothing of what she says in rage mode is what she actually feels. I always believed that. For 8 damn years I believed this shit.The last year was one of the best and still the worst. We moved in together after she had finished becoming a nurse and me almost finishing law school. We had fixed her relationship with her mother, her brother, got her her dream job and I dont want to be an asshole but I had guided her through all of it. Her family was a full on nightmare when it came to communication and I had always felt like the only sane person at the table being with them. The reason this is important is, I always excused her irrational behaviour with the trouble and stress that was always constant in her life. Her horse had also been sick for years and for the first time we could sleep without fearing it would be dead on the grass the next morning.So the foundation was good. At least thats what I thought. I remember two weeks before the relationship ended, she asked me whether I was still planning to marry her. I looked at her as honestly as I could and said yes and I meant it with all my heart. You shouldve seen the look on her face. She was the happiest girl in the world and I was sure this would be a turning point.Then she had a christmas party from work. I drove her there so she could drink. Told her to enjoy herself, she had deserved it after all the stress and I would pick her up till 3 in the morning because Id have to feed the horses at 7 and needed at least a bit of sleep.She did not react to my messages once and came home at around 5:30. Told me she had danced a lot with a coworker that had hit on her prior and I was pissed, but trusted her and did not want to ruin her one night out right after it ended. That was on a friday. The next morning, saturday, everything was fine. I had taken out the horses and we went on a 3 hour walk with them in the afternoon and I had to study after that for the rest of the day. She was sweet to me but kinda hung on her phone a lot and always made sure to take it with her everytime she left the room, which was kind of suspicious to me but I thought Id just be paranoid.So far everything still was fine. On sunday it all changed. She got up in the morning and was pissed right away. We had plans for the day and she canceled them because of light rain which usually never bothered us. She acted pissed until early afternoon and suddenly told me shed go see the horses. I wanted to join her but she wanted to go alone and walk there. That was a thirty minute walk in rain and by the time shed have walked back once she was done there it wouldve been dark outside and people got robbed a lot where we had to walk. I let her go and once it was time to feed the horses I got in my car to suprise her, so she wouldnt have to walk home in the dark. When I arrived all hell broke loose. Suddenly she told me that ever sinced I moved in with her she had no real home anymore. That I was just a dog to her, not a real man and that I was taking the air she breathed from her. She said shed go to bed early cause thats the only time she could spent without me. Just to note this here, she had yelled at me numerous times because I couldnt go to bed with her because I had to study.The idiot I was I still offered her to ride her home and then go to my brothers place so she could get some peace and we had a chance to talk at night or in the morning. Well she did not have any of that and told me to fuck off. I drove to my brother, she walked home and we only talked the next morning when she broke up with me and kicked me out.Two days later she called me to tell me something. Of course we couldnt meet at a neutral place, I had to come to her and we talked were our (her) horses stood with my australian shepherd I had raised for 7 years and never saw again after that day. She told me she had fucked her coworker. I dont know what happened at the christmas party but I guess they did not fuck there, but made out or something. Then the day after she kicked me out she went over while his gf was at work so they could screw. Not 24hours later after she had broken up with me, who had taken care of her for so long. She did not tell me this to rub it into my face. She wanted to come clean I guess. But the worst thing about this was what she told me after that confession. She said she knows how bad she treated me over all these years, the things she said to me, the manipulation and all of that and that she had come to the realization, everything she ever told me while she was raging and then took back was what she truly thought of me. That I was no man for her, just a dog following her orders. She had no reason at all to tell me this, I dont know why she did it, but even tough this was 1,5years ago I still think about this every day.I left and wanted to hug my dog one last time. That little thing was so shaken, she wouldnt leave my ex-gfs side, leaving my last interaction with her, her backing away from me and completely refusing to let me touch her. Thinking of this makes me die a little inside. The next day I went over to our flat to get my stuff. I had to go through the laundry basket to get the last of my unwashed clothes out of there and right on top was the thong completely covered in jizz she wore when he fucked her. The nicest present she could have made me to get the hell out of there. Did I mention that the day after she fucked him she actually called me, panicking and asking me whether Id remember the last times she had taken her pill. I had no idea of the other guy at that point and assured her the last time we had sex was a while ago so it woulnt matter.Guess she panicked after he nutted raw in her.The funny thing about this is that this and her cheating was one of the things that kept me from suicide. It was a really close call in all honesty, but even though I was in such a bad shape that I lost 60 pounds in 8 weeks because I could not eat or sleep the last bit of pride kept me alive. I did not want to go out because of some bitch that rather fucked some other cheater than keeping the one that loved her more than himself.Hats off if you made it this far. I will end this on a positive note. Im taken again. Shes wonderful. I have grown as a person so much, I think Im nowhere near the same guy and never will be again. The day my ex saw me updating my relationship status on facebook, she stalked my gf and since you could see the bar shes a waitress at, she was there the very next day checking her out. Accompanied by her coworker of course, who is still with his gf that he cheated on.My ex messaged me lately because covid, wishing me and my family the best after I had not heard from her in about a year. I replied with "thanks, you too." I want to be a good person. Im glad I made it out of this abusive (?) relationship. Will put a tldr at the top and fix typos later.God I miss my dog. via /r/dating_advice

[melissa-iliana-blog]

Letters to myself: Letter 3

I really am trying. I stay away from music, books, shows, food items..that can send me crashing down into this fucken BLACK HOLE of misery. He has infiltrated almost every aspect of my life. And its going to take me a while to weed all of him out. He was all I knew, so its pretty obvious that how I live my life revolves around him. Almost four years of this person is enough to make me feel this way. I know I made mistakes, and plenty of them. And most of this I sort of am to blame. But he just...made me feel so insecure all the time. Made me feel physically nasty about myself. He fucked with my head, because he KNOWS id rip my skin off just to keep him warm. Me and him were on and off for about the last year and a half of our, relationship, if that's even a good word for it. And in that time we were both dealing with things. Personal issues and issues we shared as a couple. Well I have always been a flirt. Im known for my bold and abrasive personality. And he was use to dating..children. Well not children, but girls a year or two younger than him. He was always the one in control in his past relationships, I assume. Just knowing how he is. I think it caught both of us by surprise that we clicked so well. Even with me being the complete opposite of what hes use to. Im 5'7", ive got meat on my bones. Im loud. Im outgoing. Im ALOT. He seemed to dig that. But as time passed, I think he started to become more insecure about me, and him, and us in general. Which he projected into our relationship pretty often. There were time when id feel uncomfortable for being..too tall. Id feel insecure about the little aspects of myself that I had never even thought of before. Like damn, AM I too tall? At times I think his own personal issues really affected how he was with me. Hes not the person he projects in front of others. Hes quiet, keeps to himself. I think he spends a lot of time observing the world. Kind of trying to piece himself in life and how he fits in certain situations. Ive always felt he was a little lost. His family is, sweet. But definitely not built to handle a person with a mind like his. He has so much potential, and ive always felt like his family has been incredulous of him. Which I think he picked up on a lot, and it really messed with him, even though he never really spoke about it. And I guess me being the way I can be sometimes, didn't help much either. I will admit that I tried for so long to show him how fucken special he was, and at times id be so tired of repeating to him how MUCH he meant to me, that id forget to take care of myself. And hed forget to care for me...being in his head led to him slowly letting me out. So, I felt alone. I felt stuck. I felt like he didn't care, but I didn't ever think about leaving him. Yet I made the mistake of letting someone else show me the things I was lacking in my relationship. His energy was enticing. He made me forget how horrible I felt all the time, even though he could make me feel horrible too...what the fuck was wrong with me? A lot. A lot was wrong with me. Anyways, all this mess ended up blowing up in my face. Like heeellooo? How could it not. YOU CAN NOT GET AWAY WITH DOING SHITTY THINGS TO OTHER PEOPLE MELISSA. Point is, the cat was out of the bag, my ex found out about everything and did everything in his power to remind me that it was all my fault, which in some parts YES I take full responsibility. It was not okay AT ALL, to hurt him like I did, over me being stupid and selfish. I know that, my pain and heartbreak are a daily reminder of his. And that breaks my heart and pains me more than ANYTHING else. So point is, I ended up looking like a heathen, a cheater, a bitch, or in words of my ex, a total "peach of shit". Did I mention how clever he was? And that was that. That was about a year ago, and since then me and my ex had been on and off again, classic us, trying to work on something that honestly had no start or finish, it was a massive circle. Id give anything to take it back. To be at that point where we were not okay, and instead of him locking himself in his own head, and instead of me looking for answers from someone else, we should have TALKED. We should have taken the time to be like, "Hey, I'm not okay with this, I love you and I want to fix this so we can be okay", but its a lot easier said than done. I don't know what stopped us so much. Well due to that, he became a somewhat different person with me. Sure, I knew how he showed affection, and yes, he'd be affectionate at times. We still hung out, we still went to places, ate dinners together, we still slept together. We did everything we use to. Plus the passive aggressive comments we'd make from time to time. Then it became unhealthy, I begged and cried and pleaded for him to stay, so he can see how different things were going to be now. Which they were, I have done everything in my power to switch things around. I dedicated all my free time, energy, money, to him. I pampered him, catered to him as much as I could. But, he was just lonely. He wanted affection without having to give affection back. I started to return to that dark place he always puts me in. He was a constant reminder of all the bad in my life.  It hurts so fucken much, soooo much. A pain I'd NEVER wish on anyone, and trust me, I'd torture a few people, but not with this. Its not getting any easier. I don't ever feel OK. He's on my mind 24/7, enough to compel me to start a whole blog dedicated to me talking to myself about this. How sad is that? Ha...very sad.