#he’s gonna get a good grade in emotions something that is normal to want and possible to achieve

[theshadowrealmitself]

THe geordi/data headcanon is not only in character, it's practically canon, 10/10, good joke!

Hell yeah!! Thank you ♥️♥️

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Wibta if I told my mom she loves a cat more than her own children.

I do feel like an asshole for this. I’m 17f and I have a younger sister 15F. My parents are married and for the most part good. When have a 12 year old cat that my mom just adores.

This part is all speculation, but when I very young like I was 5 or something my mom had an event that changed a lot. She stayed with her parents and would visits us. My grandparents would help out and no one really ever explained what happened to her but she lived there for like a year, she did move back in with us. My dad got her a cat to cope while she was away. The speculation is she had really bad post partum depression and had a break down. The reason I believe this/and this is my own theory, was when I was struggling mentally, my mom encouraged me to go to a therapist and they asked family history and she said she had struggled with depression/episodes and had tried medication but never stayed on. She just said when she was younger she had a hard time regulating emotions, and she wants me to worry about me and my own emotions. The post patrum comes from the fact that I asked my dad why did you two have kids and he admitted he wanted kids and my mom was more on the fence. I also find it weird she gets really nervous around Mother’s Day and will often try to not celebrate. (She always says she could be a better mom)

My mom is a good mom don’t get me wrong. She’s always encouraged my sister and I to try and do our hobbies. She’ll drive us where we gotta go. I know she works overtime when she wants to make sure we can do stuff for the family. It’s just sometimes, she seems more like a distant mom. She’ll listen to us, do anything asked, but idk how to put it into words.

But she really loves this cat. And I do love our cat too, but this cat and my mom are bonded. The second my mom comes home and the cat greets her and my mom picks her up and kisses her. She calls the cat her pretty princess and a hundred other nicknames. She calls me my dad and sister honey, bunny, and sunny. I know the cat actually makes my mom happy. Her eyes light up when she sees the cat. I know she looks forward to coming home to the cat. When we go on vacations she’ll miss the cat, or if she goes on a work trip she’ll always ask for pictures of the cat or ask to see the cat on FaceTime. She throws a small birthday party for the cat every year and makes a cake. For our birthdays she’ll ask what we want and sometimes she resorts to store bought desserts.

So this is where it gets bad. Our cat is now sick and probably has a year left to live. The vet told my mom she’s a good cat owner and has always done right for her, but with her age, treatment isn’t really the route because it’s not gonna prevent death, so just focus on making the cat happy and comfortable (this vet appointment was her 6 month check up.) My mom hasn’t been doing well mentally. She’s always struggled with mental health. She just seems to have a shakey mind at times if that makes sense. She very much before would hide her struggles, but we knew she’d have them. Before she would like stand still just gripping the counter with one hand. Now my mom is definetly depressed. She will come home be greeted by the cat, and go to her room and cry with the cat. She’s been just not happy.

My sister and I kinda decided to see if telling her we got good grades would cheer her up, and she’ll say good job and will sometimes offer to cook something or get something for us, but her eyes are just like very tired. (There is also an app she can use to check out grades but she never once used it and will just take our word face value) We’ve talked to my dad about this and he basically said that our mom has always loved animals (she use to work with her grandpa at a pet store he owned, but apparently her grandpa wasn’t a good person to most people in the family except her, so that was hard on her). I asked my dad what he thinks and says it’s normal for someone to be sad about this and that he’s gonna work hard or make sure we get all our needs handled. Which is nice, but I kinda wish it was my mom. I don’t feel dire need of anything, I’m just annoyed/jealous a cat can destroy my mom mentally.

My mom has gone over load for the cat. She cooks for her, makes her dinner buys the best food and mixes then. She often cries while cooking, and asks the cat if she likes the food.The cat doesn’t even know what’s happening.

I was looking at prom dresses online and asked my mom to look with me and she was just out of it. She would just say she’d like one or she’s not a fan but don’t let that discourage me. She’s just kinda lifeless. I try talking to her about it and she’ll aplogize and says she’ll get better. (It’s been like a week)

It boiled over when my mom’s sisters came over. (She’s the youngest. One sister has kids and one doesn’t) My mom tried to be happy and perky but ended up crying about the cat. Her sisters kinda said that she’s gotta be strong for her family and my mom just cried saying everything’s gonna be so much harder without the cat. I wasn’t in the room, they were in the basement, and there’s a vent where you can hear everything down there. My sister and I do easedrop to see what they say (her sisters are loud but we can never hear what my mom is saying without the vent. Normally we do it because my mom is a more different interesting person and again we don’t know our mom well. Away from us she kinda puts down the facade and actually talks). I was just angry. Her life isn’t hard. We’re middle class, if she wants to go to therepy she can afford it. We all deal with grief and loss. Yes I’m gonna be sad when our cat passes, but she is an older cat. I don’t imagine my life becoming “harder” other than my mom being depressed, but she is an adult who will heal from this.

After her sisters left and she was doing her night routine, I asked her if she loves the cat more than my sister and I. She said that’s not true and if she could do something more for my sister and I please name it. I told her that that’s the problem is that she does stuff for the cat without thinking, but for us it’s all asking us and she’s the adult she should know. She’s said she’s not a mind reader and she’s gonna rely on the information I give her to help me out where she can. I went to my room because ovbiosuly that conversation wasn’t going anywhere. I feel like my mom understands a cat more than her own daughter.

My dad came in a little while after and we talked. He assured me my mom loves me and this cat has been like an emotional support animal through the years. He mentioned my one friend who has an emotional support dog and compared them and told me that the cat has helped my mom emotionally with emotional regulation and just helps her steady herself. I asked if we were enough, or if my mom regrets having a family and she would just be happier if she just left us for the cat and lived by herself. My dad told me she loves all of us, but depression can be hard to navigate. I asked him about how he wanted us more than our mom and he just said that he was more excited, but my mom wouldn’t have had us unless she wanted us (which I don’t think is totally true.)

I went into my parents room and my mom was there with the cat. Again going to the cat for comfort. I told her I was sorry for saying she loved the cat more than us and she apologized for how her treatment towards the cat can seem that way and if I ever need anything please ask. It made me mad because she again is relying on me to know what’s wrong/ or ask, instead of her just idk taking initiative. I didn’t say that.

I get people can be mentally ill, but she’s also my mom. I do feel bad about telling my mom she loves a cat more than me, but I also don’t feel too reassured.

[lakesbian]

you know what. im going to follow my heart so we can move on with the wormread and just copy-paste what i said about danny in chapter 6.9 on discord with some minimal editing because it's not pretty but the general thesis is there and i don't feel like making it into proper paragraph form

okay so the thing thats fucking killing me abotu 6.9 is that danny is literally like. he tries to call taylor a nickname only her mom called her once he realizes he's fucked up bad and is trying to recover whichi s insane [because it's obviously going to be upsetting to her by reminding her of her mom being gone, and it also indicates that his fall-back for something going wrong w/ taylor is to try to appeal to her by poorly copying someone else's parenting style] and he also randomly tells her about how her mom wanted to move her a grade ahead but he wanted her to stay in school with emma to make her happy. and he's been Stewing On That despite knowing it's objectively not his fault (and i am reminded of how in his interlude he spends time Stewing about how he wishes annette were there to give advice) and he also cops up to the fact that that the whole thing about "being her parent and not her ally" (<- demented thing to say for obvious reasons) wherein he locks her in a room and demands emotional vulnerability from her even as she's becoming visibly upset & compares his actions to emma's was her grandmother's idea and then. here's the real kicker. once lisa shows up and prepares to take taylor away there are any number of actions a parent confident that they're doing the right thing for their child would normally do in response--not, like, Good actions, but things that a parent would be likely to pull. threatening to call the cops bc blah blah you're my daughter, wanting to speak to lisa's parents, any form of power move pulled over these two teenage girls but instead he speaks to lisa like she's an equal authority over taylor and seriously asks if she's "okay with this" (i should remind you of the concussion chapter where lisa is doing some insane power move shit over taylors dad covertly establishing herself as more competent at caring 4 her than him lmao) which is just like. it's so glaringly wildly obvious how this guy has Zero confidence in himself as a parent so he generally does nothing and then while he's doing nothing he oscillates btwn rationalizing it to himself as allowing her privacy/dignity, getting angry at himself/calling himself a coward, or getting mad at TAYLOR and blaming HER for not being the one to take initiation to be vulnerable with him and, like. he literally does make functional decisions prior to this for a bit! he's good and supportive at the meeting with the school board about the bullying!!! but it doesn't immediately solve literal years of distance between them that have led to taylor having to take decisionmaking for her wellbeing entirely into her own hands w/o being able to tell him about it [& having literally no route for human connection or support other than the undersiders] so he just completely crumbles on his own calls and seeks out/takes completely shit advice from taylor's grandma instead so i very much think what's insinuated here is like. especially given that he knows he has anger issues and never wants to Be Scary with them. he might have frequently leaned on annette for parenting decisions before she died and/or is really fucking haunted by the time(s) he didn't listen to her and it went wrong and now that she's gone he's just kinda floundering and trying to toss the baton for parental decisionmaking onto anyone else, including, at one point, the literal teenage girl who shows up to help taylor run away from his house. insane ! also. thinking about how taylor says her grandma (maternal) never liked her dad. that man would literally rather talk to the mother of his dead wife, who hates him, and take her advice than go 'yeah ithink im gonna keep using my own judgement for compassion towards my daughter' fucking worst anyones ever done it this guy has the spine of a twizzler it's great

...and then doing All That & severely triggering taylor's trauma from the bullying in the process completely shatters any trust he had built with her, catalyzing her realization that she wants to be able to have meaningful relationships with the undersiders & leading to her running away to leave with them! i don't think anyone can say for sure whether or not danny Not doing this would have led to taylor turning the undersiders in before realizing that she would regret it, but oh fucking boy does he make SURE she doesn't go thru with it. and it would be bad to call the cops on a bunch of systematically neglected traumatized teenagers regardless of how much crime they're doing so you know what maybe we should actually thank danny for his Shit Parenting stopping taylor from being a narc

[wontwowon]

WHAT - 13 : What do I do?

wc. (769)

Waking up to a bunch of notifications can be either a blessing or a curse. When I saw all the notifications I thought maybe my post went viral.

The group chat was full of notifications, maybe they were congratulating me?? Or maybe Belle and Ricky were arguing about something stupid.

Niki also texted me. Maybe he wanted more robux, or was asking for a shoutout since I told people to unfollow him as a joke. 

I went on twitter- my biggest mistake.

My dm’s were full of death threats. 

Full.

Even as I refreshed the page, more and more kept coming.

Yujin’s post

Was it some sick kind of joke? She was playing the victim??

I couldn't get too much into it. I had a test I had to go to. I didn't even want to think about everyone. Do I reply? Do I skip?

“Yn!! Time for school, your math test is today!” 

That's right, I have to get good grades for her, my mom. I push myself up.

I don't want to go, but I will.

Yunjin didn’t bother to walk with me. I see her walking, but the dirty glare she gives me tells me already not to talk to her.

I don't blame her…

As I walk into the building I can feel everyone's eyes on me. Not only strangers, but also the people I call friends.

Yunjin and Karina glare at me. Taesan looks at me without any emotion- somehow scarier than the girls. Sohee looks betrayed- hurt- confused. And Hanbin, he looks… sorry?

I think what hurts the most is Sunghoon, he’s with Yujin.

She cries in his arms, and he consoles her. 

I want to be her. I want to cry in his arms. Why, why am I suffering. 

I try not to think about it as I head to math. I see Heeseung. 

Do I sit next to him?? Will he glare at me too?

I just sit where I normally do, Heeseung moves.

Do they seriously believe the post? Do I really seem fake?

I can hear my classmates whisper, it doesn't sound good. I put my head down, desperately trying to focus on math. 

Luckily the math teacher comes, and silences everyone. He passed the math tests.

He stops at me, maybe it’s because I'm wearing a shitty outfit, or maybe because I have no makeup? 

“Kids these days..” he whispers at me, while shaking his head. So.. he’s seen it too.

Has everyone seen it? Does everyone hate me? 

I can't even see the paper, my eyes full with tears, blurring the questions. I can’t help but zone out. Am I really the bad guy?? 

What do I do?

Do I leave again? Run away again?

That's all I know.  

I always run, running is easy.

So I do.

I get up and leave, I can hear the teacher call my name out. I can see Heeseung staring at me, slightly concerned. 

I speed walk in the hall, I left my bag in the class but I don't care.

I hear people whisper about me, but I don't care.

I just want my mom. 

“Yn?”

I see Sunghoon. He called me. But next to him isn’t what I want to see. Yujin is still there. 

I stand in the middle of the hallway, I see my old friends, Sunghoon’s friends, and a bunch of random people. 

“Yn, you gonna finally own up?” Yujin asks with a small smirk on her face. That smirk. It makes me annoyed. 

Why should I let her win? But… would anyone believe me?

I look around again, but then I see Niki.

He gives me a look… almost telling me to do something. 

Yujin now stands in front of me. I guess she tries to intimidate me. 

I know what I'm about to do is wrong, but I don't care anymore. Even if I try, nothing will help me get everyone's trust back. It happened back at SM uni, it’ll happen again here.

So I do it, I defend myself for the first time. 

I can only imagine the look on Belle's face, she’ll buy me some food in congratulating me. Jaehyun will lecture me, but still be proud. Ricky, he’ll definitely hype me up.

I can already see Niki’s face, he’s smiling. My mom will be slightly proud, but definitely mad. But that's ok. 

I finally see Sunghoon’s face, he's shocked. 

But I don't care. I don’t care anymore.

That’s why I continuously punch Yujin until someone pulls me off. And the rest of the next couple of hours were a blur.

previous | master list | next

SIDE NOTE please lmk if there’s any warnings I missed out in my master list, i don’t want to miss any 😅 also for some reason I can’t reply to comments?? But thank you to everyone who comments, reblogs, likes or even just reads, I really appreciate it ☺️

[imagines--galore]

hi, saw ur post saying that ur feeling down and i’m really sorry to hear that and just try to stay optimistic. you asked for hurt/comfort prompts to help you cheer up, so i was wondering if you could do tasm or mcu peter parker x reader where she’s kind of been hiding the fact that she’s down and so one day she snaps and it all comes out and he helps calm her down and is just there for her and really sweet?? hope u have an amazing day/night & feel better🫶

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader Rating || Genres || Warnings: T. Romance. Hurt/Comfort. A/N: Cuddles make everything better. Though I wouldn't know it myself. I'm a sad person : P

Final Projects. Work. Exams. Assignments. Extracurricular. Internship. Bills.

There was just so much to do and not enough hours in the day to do all of them. It should be humanely impossible to complete every single task in a day, yet you were trying your best.

You didn't have any other choice.

If you didn't hand in the final projects, your final grade would drop. If you didn't get to work, you would be fired. If you didn't study for your exams, you would fail. If you didn't complete your assignments your professors would fail you. If you didn't meet the extracurricular requirement you wouldn't have anything to put on your resume once you graduated college. If you didn't do your internship, you would be one step behind every other candidate for any potential job. And if you didn't pay the bills, you would be kicked out of your small apartment.

Oh and if you didn't spend time with Peter, your boyfriend, he would leave you.

Add that to the list as well.

Consumed by your negative thoughts as you tried to power through as assignment that was due the next day, you weren't aware of Peter entering your apartment and opening up the fridge.

"You're out of orange juice, Y/n." He stated, grinning impishly as he finished off the final few dregs in the juice carton.

It was a simple thing, such a simple thing that was the norm between you. You would always tell him while finishing off the last of it in his fridge or cabinet and he would do that same.

But at that time?

You snapped.

"Yes! I know I'm out Peter. I know the I'm out of orange juice because I didn't have the time to go to the store and buy some more. Why?! Because I didn't have the time!." You threw down your pen in frustration before pushing away your books and laptop as you buried your hands in your hair.

"I bit off more then I could fucking chew and now I know I'm gonna fail in all my classes, loose any chance I have of having a good future and wind homeless, which will force me to ask my parents for money, which I hate doing, and you'll leave me because you wouldn't want to be with me anymore, and I just- just-"

Your words became incoherent after that as a pair of familiar arms came around you and pulled you into a warm embrace. All your frustration, anger and fear of failing finally culminated and the dam broke.

Tears fell from your cheeks as you sobbed into your boyfriend's shirt. God! You were so pathetic! You had never done well when it came to pressure, but you had always managed to keep it all inside. But there was just something about Peter hugging you so tightly that it prompted you to loose whatever control you had over your emotions. Maybe because you trusted him. Trusted him to see this side of you and not be berated for it, or simply told to get over it. That was the response you had normally received from almost everyone in your life. That is until you met Peter.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! You deal with so much more than I do, and I'm the one who breaks." You whimpered, suddenly feeling ashamed at having such an over-emotional response. You felt him shake his head.

"How many times have you hugged me and told me I could do everything when it all became too much for me?" He kissed the top of your head. "I think it was time you had a breakdown of your own, you can't stay strong all the time Y/n." He said, stroking your back as he did. Normally you would've argued, but you just wanted a little sympathy. You sniffled, giving a meek nod. "I guess so."

Peter continued to hold you, pressing kisses to your forehead and temple, in an attempt to calm you down further. You sighed as you snuggled further into him. Already you could feel yourself beginning to calm down. But you didn't pull away. Not just yet. You were simply enjoying in the simple pleasure of being in Peter's arms and just being so close to him. That and you loved his kisses. You couldn't get enough of them, if you were honest with yourself.

It was after a good few minutes that you were ready to pull back. Wiping away the tears that were left, Peter kissed both your cheeks, prompting you to giggle softly at the silly smile he wore in an effort to cheer you up further. "How about I get the orange juice and grab some dinner as well. And then after that I'll see if I can help you with your homework." He suggested, prompting you to smile at just how sweet he was being.

With a nod, you agreed. As he stood to do what he had just said, you couldn't help but feel lighter, your head clearer. Turning back to your waiting homework, you tackled it with more vigor then before, eager to be done with it.

[strawberryjamsara]

Sara and Kanna

Your Turn To Die has a lot of relationships that are important to the story, but one that goes ignored in many instances is Sara and Kanna

It’s odd, because their relationship plays such a juxtapositional role in the story. It’s highlighted constantly and it plays a role in one of the most important decisions in the game. So this is a post trying to look at their relationship and dissect it.

So, I’m going to start with the point the game shoves in your face. Sara reminds Kanna of her sister. Though, that can be complicated. Since we learn in Kannas backstory that Kugie wasn’t always perfect. And Sara is not perfect to Kanna.

I am not trying to condemn Sara or Kanna with this. But I think Kugie taught Kanna an important lesson: people are always capable of becoming more kind. And sure enough, after this interaction, Sara treats Kanna with kindness.

… Though you still have the option to be mean.

We’ll put a pin in why I think these options exist, but for now let’s focus on Kanna.

Kanna still cares about Sara regardless of your choices. She still thinks of her as a sister. And regardless of her choices… she takes the sacrifice from Sara and she says this.

Now this is not the truth of the situation. Sara was not reluctant to give away the sacrifice because of kindness. If you have the tokens for it, she’ll immediately rush to find her wallet for a trade, and if not, she’ll try to loot the corpse of her dead friend. But Kanna has this idea because… put simply she idolizes Sara.

Kanna has been working with Sou, and Kanna isn’t stupid. She knows he’s the groups villain. But Sara is different. Sara is the kind leader of the group, and she’s helped Kanna explore, she’s held Kanna’s hand, and she’s so protective! Just like her big sister…

In the end, Kanna has Sara high up on a pedestal marked “Kugie” and doesn’t even realize it. While Sara and Kanna want to reach out and connect to each other, it’s something that (at least until emotion route) is strained by the hole in Kanna that Kugie left. Even Mishima in the beginning asked Sara to fulfill this role and it was yet another thing she felt she had to live up to while Joe was given the role of younger brother. It’s played as a joke but it speaks a lot to how these two are treated in the story. Joe is underestimated in his intelligence and Sara is given the responsibility

And if you play logic route… that’s it. Kanna goes out with a hug for Sara, accepting that she’s deemed her life useless. The sister who she’s fine with killing her. A twisted reflection of Kugie.

Anyways I’m gonna talk about Sara and Kannas parallels now.

So, Sara and Kanna both feel a sense of duty and responsibility towards the others. We see Kannas need to be useful to others as far back as her backstory, where she never let herself act sad for the sake of her adoptive family. Though it echoes within the game as well.

Sara’s backstory is something the player is given a lot more pieces to put together for themselves at this stage of the game, but we do know things. We know she gets anxious when she isn’t studying for school, and that bad grades make her nervous, that she wanted to change the way she acted before she met Joe because it wasn’t like how most teens acted, that she’s avoidant of conflict, and that even before the death game, she had a sense of duty to others that was magnified

From this we can glean Sara, like Kanna, has a sense of responsibility that’s followed her for a lot of her life (most likely exacerbated by Meister but besides the point, I guess you could add points that Meister is not her biological dad, but I feel like that’s paper thin and I don’t think Kannas parents were the problem in her life, I think most likely she came from the Asunaro orphanage and that’s where the issues came from side tangent over.) she’s afraid of stepping on others toes, she doesn’t want to make herself a nuisance, she has to be strong hardworking and useful, a normal good kid, the best kid in the world, and she has to be capable enough to make others like her.

It echoes startlingly close to Kannas ideology. The two of them are awfully alike. Now let’s go back to that screenshot from earlier. When Kanna is berating herself for not being useful, Sara tells her to reflect. The option there, appears to be Sara reflecting her own thoughts about herself onto Kanna (and possibly echoing her dads words… I hate Mr Chidouin.)

We also have another parallel in these two with… the men they stick around

Keiji and Sara and Shin and Kannas relationship has been pointed to as a parallel constantly and I’m nowhere close to the first person to make this observation.

Many people point to the parallels Keiji and Shin have with each other. They took a girl under their wing for the sake of manipulation but began to grow a familial relationship and grew as a person but let’s look at Kanna and Sara’s parallels.

In ways, Keiji and Shin were both “Teachers” to Kanna and Sara in negative ways. Although they did come to care about them, there were things passed down that did the damage by the time it was too late.

Keiji’s is obvious. Sara’s role as leader and hallucinations. Keiji trying to prop her up as one led to her crippling guilt over Joe, and that lead to hallucinations and a need to keep going. Keiji asked to make her leader and now she is one, and he can’t stop it.

Shin also passed down things to Kanna. If you need any proof whatsoever look at the second main game. Shin calls her useless the entire time, and she ends it trying to sacrifice herself for being useless. Not only does she use that argument, but one of logic vs emotion. Shin, despite being an emotional person, has been using logic this game. Despite his breakdown in chapter 1 being fueled by emotion he is making arguments that appeal to a sense of logic: “don’t you doubt when others are kind?” Etc. etc. and he emotionally distances himself from her seen post dream sequence in 2-2. Kanna at the end of the main game is a more cynical person, thanks to Shin.

Despite the harm caused, both girls are willing to die for these people, Kanna in the main game, and Sara when she signs the Asunaro vow on the vaguest chance she could save Keiji. Their self sacrificial tendencies come in fourfold for these two, even when they, by all accounts shouldn’t.

I’m going to close off this analysis with a scene from emotion route.

This scene, I think, is a nice resolution to Sara and Kannas conflict. While they do have later scenes together (the lantern is very cute with them) I think this is a very good moment. Kanna sees Sara in a moment of weakness, vulnerable, and then, she does something to recall what Sara has done. Not Kugie. Sara. Kanna has acknowledged that she loves and cares about Sara’s actions and from there, they can take the steps forward.

[doodlinge]

hi! for the aubrey angst enjoyers, heres a little nightmare sequence i wrote for her. for a more angsty experience, listen to “a pearl” by mitski and think long and hard about how aubrey gets out her aggression and rage by bullying basil, and basil lets himself be bullied because it’s partially what he believes he deserves. if you want to read more of this…stay tuned for a kelbrey fic in the future that is aubrey-focused!

aubrey has a bad dream.

It had been a normal day so far. Aubrey had woken up, the dream from last night still fresh in her mind.

Everything was fine. Kel, Aubrey, Basil and Sunny had all taken out their umbrellas of designated colors as they watched the rain shower down onto the darkening pavement. Aubrey’s eyes shined with anticipation as she breathed in, allowing the scent of moisture to fill her nose and the taste of salt water to coat her tongue. She favored this time of year—spring, when her birthday was just around the corner and all of Basil’s flowers started to sprout.

She smiled to herself, imagining the sweet florals of Basil’s garden, the way that the soft petals of a lily of the valley would slide under her fingertips when she held it a bit closer to the sun.

A lily of the valley! That’s right—she had something she was going to do with Mari!

Aubrey beamed to herself, turning to face Sunny, who stared back with shining, so-brown-that-they’re-practically-black eyes. If you didn’t know him well, you might think that Sunny was judgemental or apathetic, but Aubrey knew in her heart that wasn’t the case at all!

Even the smallest flickers of emotions displayed great emotion in Sunny…when his eyes gleamed with a newfound curiosity, when a smallest bit of a smile broke from his lips…Aubrey could tell he was just as emotional as everyone else! She knew he’d have something interesting to say about her idea!

“Oh, Sunny, that reminds me! Mari and I were talking about dying our hair together. Mari says she’s gonna dye her hair purple.” Aubrey talked quickly, her enthusiasm spilling into her voice as she fidgeted with a strand of her hair, trying to stop the frizz from the rain from messing up her thick brunette locks.

Hehe…soon they’d be locks of a different color, she smiled to herself.

A voice sounded from beside her—an annoying, raspy, boyish one at that, that happened to make her feel all nervous and irritated and smiley at the same time. She turned, facing Kel with a quirked brow and a small frown.

“P-P-Purple?!” Kel barked, his eyes wide with surprise and comedic disgust. As if he couldn’t see how great of a color purple was.

Aubrey smirked sneakily, lingering closer to him to look at Kel face-to-face, as her voice drew lower and teasing. Kel stiffened a bit, drawing in a quick, scared breath. Sometimes she just loved a stir a reaction out of him! “…You wanna know what color I chose?”

He stepped back, whipping his head around to stare at Basil and Sunny in immature annoyance, as if he wanted them to be on his side. “Wait… are you saying you wanna dye your hair…PINK?!”

“Ewww… that’s weird…” He stuck out his tongue, his small frown exaggerating into a clear grossed-out-face. “Why would you ever do that?”

Aubrey sighed lightly, shrugging as she looked at the strand of hair she was playing with. If even the tips were pink, it would be even prettier than it was now. Mari always complimented her on her well-kept hair, and if she could turn it into her favorite color by next year, she just knew she’d be the coolest girl in seventh grade.

“I don’t know… I just thought it would be cute! Mari thinks so, too!” She responded, giggling a bit at the end. Kel flushed a bit, in either embarrassment or anger, she guessed. She didn’t care either way.

“Hmph…I’ll never understand you two and your crazy ideas,” he said, shaking his head. Of course he would never get it. He was a boy, and boys were gross…especially Kel! Aubrey hmmphed.

“I think pink would look good on you, Aubrey,” Basil offered, his light smile reliable and steady. There was something a bit off about him though, but she just couldn’t place her finger on it. She squinted a bit.

As she did, though, it looked like a few photographs seemed to flurry around him. A few at first, and then a lot, and then tons… all scattering the darkening surroundings and turning everything black, as they quickly started to fade and fizzle into the black floors. Aubrey gasped, but it caught in her throat, suffocating her with a pressure around her neck and chest that she couldn’t get rid of.

Fear wrenched her out of her safe, comfortable demeanor, as she threw herself to the ground, trying to save the photographs vanishing into the floor below her. She grabbed one, clutching it shakily in her palm as she looked at it desperately, but it was scribbled out in black marker. Even in her hands, as if put to a flame, it cindered and ebbed away, a memory now gone to nothingness.

“No,” Aubrey gasped for air, but her voice wasn’t young anymore. She wasn’t the girl she once was, those memories were all dead and gone and buried because of her. When she changed, she tore her way out of that hell, but she knew she also tore her way out of any chance at happiness.

Time was escaping her. It was all her fault, and only her fault, and that was why everyone left, and left, and left, and left—

“Aubrey… look at me.” A hand reached out, cupping her chin and tilting it sweetly to look up at the figure in front of her. For a moment, everything turned white.

Mari’s face. Gentle. Kind. Perfect. She was perfection itself, everything that Aubrey worshipped and prayed for and loved as a sister deeper than any other bond she had, and Aubrey hated her just as much. She told herself that, anyway. That she hated Mari.

She felt sick. Sick and horrible and cruel. Unworthy, undeserving of this person she never got to have for very long. And angry. So, so, immature and stupid and angry.

“Mari,” she breathed, on the verge of an apology she’d never let herself spit out.

“Listen, Aubrey. I have something important to tell you, that you should always keep in mind, okay?” Mari shook her head with a small giggle, ignoring her friend’s beg of a whisper to just be in her presence a little longer.

Just for a minute. One more minute.

She wanted safety, comfort for just another minute.

“Are you listening, Aubrey?”

Aubrey nodded, sniffling. She leaned into the older girl’s touch, before feeling it grow cold as it seemed to pierce her skin in a matter of seconds like thousands of pieces of broken glass. She winced, but didn’t say a single thing.

“You should feel ashamed for everything you’ve done.” Mari said with a blank, perfect smile. Her eyes were closed, but her eyelids didn’t crinkle like they used to. Her lips curved upwards, but it wasn’t real, it wasn’t real.

“This is all your fault.”

Aubrey choked out a sob, her tears rushing from her eyes like a stupid, small kid. She whimpered, clenching her hair and trying to wrench it out desperately, because she knew Mari was right, she knew she was a bully—

Mari distorted and changed from form to form; her hair becoming thin, dark tendrils that wrapped down and engulfed her face until only a single white eye stared into Aubrey’s own.

She remembered that face. She hated that face. She almost heaved at the sight of it.

She willed it to change, and it did.

Sunny, an empty, black stare boring into her own eyes.

Hero, only a silhouette, only a glimpse of happiness.

Kel.

She didn’t know why, but she felt furious and lonely for him at the same time. She grabbed onto him, and tried to pull him into a touch-starved embrace, craving for anything that wasn’t horrible imagery already inked on paper in her mind’s thoughts.

Kel didn’t hug her back, not one bit. Just left her, alone, like at that party. Like after Mari’s death. Like whenever she needed him.

She felt her breaths get ragged, uncontrollable just like everyone said she was. And maybe she was. She laughed a little, startling herself as she tried to dig her nails into his back and make herself have some sort of lasting presence in SOMEONE, ANYONE’S LIFE—

“Sunny says that he thinks pink is a great color!” A soft, breathy voice sounded behind them. Aubrey stumbled back, staring wide eyed at a younger Basil in his rain soaked green coat. When he smiled wide like that, his lips thinned out and he looked like he had barely any at all.

The body she was once clutching was a brunette, 12 year old girl in a pink raincoat and an even pinker umbrella. She walked up to Basil, and squeezed his hand with a joyous, innocent smile—one that was like if youth, glitter and everything kind in the world was shaken up and blended into a little girl.

“I’m so glad that you’re my friend,” she whispered, craning her head to stare directly up at Aubrey as she said so. Then, she turned back to Basil, giggled softly, and disappeared without a trace.

She was gone.

Aubrey stared silently back at the only remaining person in the room, and fell to her knees, weeping silently.

Why did he have to do this? Why did he destroy everything?

Why did she have to go?

She couldn’t comprehend the flood of emotions ebbing through her all at once, like a tidal wave of sorrow and fury and pain. It was too much.

She needed to turn to something reliable, and as she looked through the openings between her fingers at her childhood best friend, she knew just what it could be.

Something that she tried to push down, tried to reason with but just couldn’t hold. She felt like a vicious, untouchable predator, so full of hurt and hatred that had formed after years of tears, and divorces and deaths and backstabs from best friends.

That little girl was her. Sweet, innocent Aubrey, who had pet stray cats and who had kissed cheeks and who had a soft spot for every person she came across.

And Basil took that away, took everything away with a black marker. He had blacked out Kel, and Mari, and Sunny and Hero and the little girl that Aubrey once was. The choking suffocation of her horror faded, as this new intense agony fueled her to step closer, and closer…

She summoned her bat, as it glitched and tore itself into her palm like a trusted friend. She didn’t have to watch it do as she wanted, she had gone through enough and she knew that whatever she wanted was her’s.

This world had no choice but to obey. Life had no choice but to obey. Basil had no choice but to take it, because he deserved it and because she deserved to get her way.

Aubrey knew she didn’t care if it was wrong. Aubrey knew it wasn’t pertinent, wasn’t serving her any good to sit and waste time on tears no one would have any pity for. And, God, she was so angry. More than anything.

But Aubrey thought of Mari’s smile as she wound up her bat, as if preserved in slow motion. Would Mari have wanted this?

Her grip loosened, and she shook a little.

Aubrey thought of Sunny, closing his knees to his chest comfortably as he listened to Basil talk about a new comic book, and she noticed as Basil’s kind smile flickered into fear in front of her.

Would Sunny want this?

Hero, the light in her life who always lended an ear and a comforting hand. Aubrey always tried to do a little better every day, just for him. She knew he liked to worry, and hesitated, even for half a second.

Would he want this?

Would Kel want this?

His smile, the brush of his fingers, the back and forth banter of their relationship, his boyish grin, his frustrating obliviousness, his horrible likability, his strong sense of good.

But Kel had left her. They all had.

She wouldn’t make the same mistakes this time. Aubrey wasn’t going to let that child be hurt again.

She wrenched free of her morality, prepared to hit, and the clock struck twelve.

Aubrey woke up the next morning in a cold sweat.

———“————-

ok so heres some lines that didnt make it into this nightmare sequence:

He was scared of her.

Was it nice? Was it sickening?

Was it twisted? Was it wrong?

Or, was it justice?

Her head hurt.

(i just thought that was funny. morally grey characters my beloved!!! i love you morally grey characters i love you!!)

[echoghost1]

Five Fav Fics

got tagged by @jackdaw-sprite to pick 5 of my favorite fics that I've written! (here's their list)

this is gonna be hard cuz I have over 100 to chose from... ( ╯□╰ )

at least they don't have to be complete right?

Under the read more are the ones I chose

These aren't in order, just five that I picked

Carnival Mythika

Summary: What starts as a fun day at the carnival takes a turn after an innocent mistake. Danny gets separated from his friends at the carnival and asks the fortune teller for help to put him in the right direction, or maybe just back to the place he last saw them, the Cryptid Zoo.

Reason: this fic is my baby 😭 it's practically a novel and it really won't be that hard to change a few things and make this an original story because of how much of an AU it is. It's not done yet and it's taking me forever to write mostly because I keep having to take breaks because the emotional parts are so fricken heavy. Danny goes through it. he has a horrible time and it's all emotional trauma If you haven't read it, which it's an over 60k incomplete work with lots of angst and heavy topics, so I don't blame you. BUT if you wanna just read ch. 3 and let me know what you think （*＾-＾*）

Lively Conversations In Dead Man’s Land

Summary: Danny goes on a voluntary field trip to help his suffering grades.

Reason: This is one of the first fics I ever wrote way back in 2013 during PhannieMay (now DannyMay). The prompt was Western and I just went ham with a fluffy GrayGhost field trip fic. I had so much fun writing it and I still enjoy it today.

Quoth the Librarian, “But I’m Alone?”

Summary: Eleanor loved her job at the school library. She always made sure to come in early to make sure everything was just right before the students came. Today something beat her there.

Reason: One of the many fics I wrote for my first phic phight (2021) that I liked but it didn’t get much traction. The premise is simple, just a “what happened to this side character after a scene from the show” + making up a random OC that may never be used again.

Parallels

Summary: It's amazing the things you learn on a field trip.

Reason: My take on a reveal fic where Maddie & Danny try to have a normal mother-son bonding time during a field trip only for Danny to get triggered by something innocuous. A big part of the reason I’m proud of it was because I figured the trigger was so obvious but every comment that mentioned it was surprised by how perfect it was despite having never thought of it themselves.

A Night in La Casa del Sol

Summary: La Casa del Sol is an abandoned Bed and Breakfast on the North end of town, which like any good dilapidated building, has the reputation of being haunted. Paulina may act like an airhead, but she can still put two and two together. If her favorite ghost only comes out of hiding when there's another ghost around, she sure hopes her Abuela was right about the place. Danny is fist clueless, and then just confused, but mostly wants to make sure Paulina doesn't get hurt. Besides, what's the worst that could happen? Another sleepless night?

Reason: Even though it took me a while to add the final chapter to this one I think it was worth the wait. I had fun with a more classic haunted house type horror of Paulina and Danny exploring the old B&B together. That and that last chapter man, I don’t want to spoil it if you haven’t read it or if you did and forgot (it has been three years since I posted that final chapter lol)

And honorable mention goes to...

I think it would be illegal for me not to mention jackdaw’s favorite bedtime story 😜

Lost and Found

Summary: His parents had always warned him about the dangers in the woods.

Reason: Fae AU! Lost Time flavored Fae AU even! Also, like I said, Jackdaw really enjoys it If you don’t believe me check the comment section on that fic But I also really like it too. It was fun to write and it had my two favorite things, an au and taking an idea someone else did but putting my own spin on it! Fun fact: the final spoken bit of dialogue was actually the very first line that I thought of. It’s what made me write this story. It was just so good. And I’m happy to report that it did in fact pay off

[pidoop]

nah but if one more fucking person tells me their favorite art at the museum is the impressionists I’m gonna implode. Yes obviously they’re good, they’re a cultural mainstay. But either have something interesting to say about why you like them and what calls you to them or pick literally anything else more interesting. Again, don’t get me wrong I love impressionism. I especially love how much emotion some pieces can make you feel while fudging so much with textures, colors, and lighting that aren’t actually there. Like the way some of them can capture the feeling of a summer afternoon better than a perfectly photorealistic painting of the most idyllic summer afternoon. And I don’t think this is an incredibly unique or deep perspective of mine, but at least I’m saying something personal to me and MY experience. But so many people lately will be like “oh you know, the impressionists are my favorite ofc”. And you look into this man’s eyes and see that he knows so many names and dates but has never stood in front of a painting he didn’t understand with a stupid smile on his face for 5 minutes bc idk what the fuck this is meant to be but by fucking hell am I feeling something. Instead you see clearly written across his forehead “ah yes I’m going to get a good grade at Consuming Art, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve”.

[brokendarkfairyempressforever]

Tests scores and grades define me and I want to cry

Do you know how messed up this is

I had a teacher who didn't prepare us well

I didn't know how to study for it

So much home life crap

So much mental health illnesses that I can't get help

One god awful morning of AP bio test day

And I didn't get a good score on it

I had to deal with so much life stuff that no one else in a million years would ever live through and I had so much trouble staying alive let alone passing my classes

B+ at the end of the year it's fine

But it means nothing

Cause it doesn't count

I have to take the test again or take the course in college

Well guess what?

I was so fucking excited for AP bio I love bio I couldn't wait to learn

And I thought I was gonna have a therapist I thought I'm finally gonna get help it's gonna be okay, hard, but okay

BUT GUESS WHAT

I'M NOT PRIORITY

WHO FUCKING CARES THAT MY MENTAL HEALTH IS IN SHAMBLES

IM DYING EVERYDAY

YET NO ONE GETS IT

LIVE IN MY HEAD ONE DAY AND YOU WOULDN'T SURVIVE

YET I CAN'T SHOW MY TRUE WORTH SO EVERYONE THINKS I'M DUMB WHO WHO CAN'T DO ANY OF THE WORK EVEN THOUGH I'M TRYING BUT I CAN'T I CAN DO IT BUT SOMETHING IS HOLDING ME BACK AND THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO UNDERSTOOD WAS MY LATIN AND HISTORY TEACHER WHO HELPED ME AND GAVE ME ENCOURAGEMENT AND I WAS ABLE TO SHOW MY TRUE WORTH. MY CHEM TEACHER HELPED ME IN OTHER WAYS THAT I'M STILL GOOD ENOUGH HE HELPED ME LEARN THE MEANING OF FUN, HE HELPED ME BE A KID AGAIN. AND I WISHED I JUST ASKED HIM FOR HELP INSTEAD OF BEING SCARED OF EVERYTHING

IF I WAS FUCKING NORMAL I COULD OF GOTTEN GRADES I DESERVED. THAT I'M GOOD ENOUGH

WHY CAN'T I JUST SHOVE IT AWAY LIKE I USE TO. NOTHING HAPPENED TO ME I'M FINE NOTHING HAPPENED SO I SHOULD BE NORMAL I CAN DEAL WITH THAT CRAP WHEN I'M 40

NOTHING HAPPENED TO ME ANYWAY THEY HAD IT WORSE

WHY AM SO SAD, SCARED, ANGRY, ANXIOUS, EXHAUSTED, BURNED OUT NUMB, NOT KNOWING HOW TO INTERACT WITH ANYONE, NOT KNOWING HOW TO CONTROL MY THOUGHTS, NOT KNOWING HOW TO CONTROL MY FACE RIGHT, NOT KNOW HOW TO CONTROL MY EMOTIONS, I CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT I'M SO DUMB AND USELESS AND WORTHLESS I CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT EVERY DAM DAY I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF

I HATE IT HERE I HATE IT HERE I HATE IT HERE

EVERYONE GETS MAD AT ME

EVERYONE COMPLAINS TO ME

EVERYONE VENTS TO ME

EVERYONE GETS SAD AT ME

I STRESS EVERYONE OUT

I TAKE EVERYONE'S STRESS

AND I CAN'T DO ANYTHING

AND EVERYONE SUFFERS

IM AN IDIOT

I'M WORTHLESS

I'M USELESS

I HATE MYSELF

I HATE IT HERE

[eygiess]

ok long post buckle up gang

gonna sleep on it and do another listen tomorrow but…first thought best thought

- tbh it took me til track 5 to really get into the album, but i liked the title track a lot!! it feels like a sprawling narrative song and i Love when music does that

- so long london/but daddy i love him: idk y these feel like a duo to me but they do. SLL had a BEAUTIFUL sound, BDILH had amazing lyrics, i was swept away

- florida!!! i want to sing this in the car speeding down the highway. didn’t think i’d like it but i was sold by the end

- “no such thing as bad thoughts/only your actions talk” from guilty as sin?,,, she just like me fr!

also “I CHOOSE YOU AND ME RELIGIOUSLY” SHUT UP RELIGIOUS METAPHORS R MY THINGGGG

- who’s afraid of little old me……..i am going insane. INSANE. if i heard this is high school i would have lost my MIND.

i was underwhelmed and then i was FUCKING SOLD. “i was tame, i was gentle, til the circus life made me mean”?????? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE NORMAL NOW

- i can fix him: OOOOOUGH “he had a halo of the highest grade he just hadn’t met me yet” T A Y L O R STOP YELLING SO LOUD!!!

- loml: new year’s day piano moment. kill me “blew in with the winds of fate and told me i reformed you” fuckin OUCH.

- i can do it with a broken heart- oh this sound has Bleachers all over it, i LIKE IT! this slaps sonically but the lyrics are so sad and that is my favorite!!

he said! he loved! me for! all time! A BANGER.

- the smallest man: FUCK. this is the doomed toxic situationship song i dont make the rules. ouch my EMOTIONS. the SIGHING. THE BRIDGE??????? THE BR I D G E YOU GUYS

- the alchemy: low notes LOW NOTES OOOO.

“heroin but this time with an e”,,, cheesy but im sort of here for it

ending the song with the first lyrics!!!! YES!!!

- clara bow: knew this would hurt me from the opening guitar and i was right

i want to write a thesis on this song and how it feels like the Perfect album closer to me

also like it wraps up the album so well- it’s all on her thoughts about fame and the cost of that, and the whole album is both a love story and something that shows how fame/“glory” etc can change someone and affect them emotionally

but im tired so that will come later

very good 10/10, head full of thoughts

[arachne18]

A group of demon worshipping cultists mistakenly summoned an eldritch god instead of a demon.

⠂⠂⠂

It wasn’t my fault. Darren told me to do it and I know what you’re gonna say. “You’re eighteen years old, Chris. You should know not to do something just because someone tells you.” Okay well for your information, he made a really good case and it was supposed to be a little one. Why summon a demon at all. Well this is where i have to come clean, Mrs. Mason. I didn’t actually study for the essay like you told me to. I know! I know. If I don’t pass this essay I’d fail, but I’m supposed to be going to college next year and I really didn’t want to disappoint anyone. Not that any of that matters, now. I’m really sorry. I wish I could fix this. 

⠂⠂⠂

Assigning an essay is a lot of extra work for the teacher involved. For one essay I have to read it more than once, give comments on the writing itself, correct it where needed, grade it according to my rubric and then put it in the gradebook. Add one or two existential crises about my teaching ability and the system as a whole, then multiply it by about 120- oh 144, sorry fourth period- and it actually takes a lot of time. Plus, I still have to make lesson plans, make copies, and help seniors with college admission essays. I never have time for hobbies anymore, but that's what summers are for, right? 

That night was later than usual. I decide to be extra crazy and tick everything off my checklist. Help seniors, check. Make Copies, check. Lesson plan, check. I was starting on the essays, thinking about calling it a night since it was in fact night. I was staring at the turn-it-in bin, eyes glazing over, when the whole building shook. The school was a square box built in the fifties with brick walls you couldn’t stick posters to. It was used to shelter during tornadoes and fires, so the fact that something had made it tremble was not a good sign. My first thought was “bomb”. We’d gotten more than one threat over the years, but I’d heard no sound. So, earthquake? But we don’t get earthquakes. It’s Missouri. I ran out of my classroom and down the stairs, grateful that our district didn’t require us to dress up for work. The farther I went down the mustard yellow hallway the more intensely the building shook. Every other classroom was dark and empty, which I was grateful for. 

As I got to the old lobby of the building where the main office and administration lived something that seemed to come from below me screamed in my ears. Reflexively , I covered my years and pushed outside, doubling over at the intensity of the sound. It was so angry, like my sister when you wake her up. I pushed myself up on my knees and then my feet. I needed to get away from the sound. I focused on the balls of my feet, pushing myself deep into the school parking lot. The sound faded with distance, but seemed to die all together. I turned back to the school and nearly fell to my knees with horror. The sky was a vortex of glowing green and purple clouds. Wind swept past me, nearly knocking me over, and seemed to follow the vortex of clouds. If I looked very closely, I could see something moving in the center of the vortex. I could catch only glimpses of it and every time I did my body tingled with fear. It was an abomination. To see it was to go a little crazy every time you did. I averted my eyes. I was crazy enough.

 I fixed my eyes on the building just in time to see five students dart through the entrance. I knew they were students because I knew them on sight. Dressed in black, they always stood out even among the emo and goth kids. Most students gave the original four a wide berth and now they were doing the same with Ethan. Rage hit me like a truck. Normally, I'm very good about controlling my emotions with students. I don’t yell often and I’ve never screamed at a student, but I was off the clock. 

“What the fuck did you do?” 

They spun a new fear forming in their eyes. “Ms. Mason!” Ethan cried. “I… I can explain.” The original four Derrick, Josh, Tony, and George, who now go by Death, Poison, Snake and Georgie, took a giant step away from Ethan, collectively sacrificing him to me. He did offer. 

“Explain this!” I pointed at the eldridge abomination above us. My hands were gesturing frantically. I think I was trying to keep myself from strangling him. “Are you kidding? No, actually. Go ahead. I’d looove to hear this.” I crossed my arms and waited. There was a heart beat of silence, as if he didn’t believe that I was actually going to let him explain. 

“I know it looks bad.” I must have made a god-awful face because he tried to course correct. “But it wasn’t my fault. Derrick told me to do it.” 

“That is not my name!” Derrick with the black hood and the cheap eyebrow piercing stepped toward us. 

“Shut up, Derrick!” I snapped. He flinched back into his group of friends. I turned back to Ethan. “Are you kidding? That’s first grade logic. What grade are you in?”

He looked down at his shoes. He never looked so young. “I’m a senior-”

“Are you? Because I don’t see any other seniors summoning a god do you?”

He looked at me confused. “It was supposed to be just a little demon.” 

“‘I only hit him once.’ This is where we’re at, Ethan!” My head throbbed with sleep and dehydration and the ringing of my own shouts in my head. I rubbed my face. “Where is it?” 

“Where’s what?”

“The thing you used to summon, the thing that’s trying to kill us.” I wasn’t even yelling anymore. I sounded disappointed, even to me.

Ethan looked confused. “What are you gonna-? How-”

“Ethan,” it was the most calm I had been since it started. “Do you want everyone you know and love to die?”

He looked bewildered, then shook his head.

“Then answer the question.” His eyes wilden, then he looked to the four. They reflected his nervous expression then looked at the school. Something seemed to die in Ethan as he turned back to me. “Its.. in the basement. I’m sorry.”

I inhaled deeply counting, then exhaled. “Okay, here’s what I want you to do. Go as far as you can away from her. Go home actually. Get some sleep. You boys have school tomorrow. Everything will be fine.” 

Ethan looked shocked. “But-”

“Get out of here before I write you up.” I brushed past them and headed back into the school building. 

We all did crazy things in college. Some teachers have embarrassing pictures of them on the internet doing a keg stand or have stories about “accidentally” setting the Greek house on fire, but my college life was a little different. I have a degree in Secondary Education, but my minor is in folklore. I thought that maybe one day I’d be a professor, but once you start digging into certain things you can’t stop. At some point it just becomes an all consuming need for knowledge and ability. Call it the ultimate hyperfixation.

Even as chaos raged outside, the school remained a fortress against the wind. It was oddly comforting. The basement was deep in the heart of the school. I had to get down several dubious looking flights of stairs before I came to the door. I could tell it was the place not by any sign, the place was pitch dark, but by the signature purple and green glow emanating from the cracks in the door. I opened the door with less caution than I should have. Walking through like I need to get some extra paper towels instead of banish an eldritch god. The room was small. The hot water heater sat in one corner, unmoving, but everything else was flying around in the vortex. Toilet paper, cleaning supplies, mops, brooms, in addition to the candles, spray paint, and book the boys used to summon the god all bathed in neon green and a glowing purple. The vortex flowed out of the hole they’d created with the spray paint. They are so cleaning that up. The wind was not nearly as strong here. I snapped the book out of the air and flipped through the pages trying to find the right one. 

“Ah, Ms. Mason,” a voice whispered from the hole. “It’s good to see you again. Adulthood suits you so well.” I ignored it. “Remember the good old days, when you and I would… collaborate.” He waited for a response. I gave none. “Oh, if only we could relive those good old days. It would make me so-”

“Ah-ha! Here it is.” I cleared my throat and recited the spell that meant to send him back down into his hole. 

The god growled angrily and screamed again. I covered my ears. I’m gonna need a hearing aid after all this. The hole closed slowly, its neon glow fading with it until I was left alone in the darkness. My body collapsed under the weight of my own exhaustion. I wanted nothing more than my bed and endless amounts of sleep. I forced myself to stand and march up the long expanse of stairs. It felt like an eternity, but I finally made it to the parking lot. I didn’t even bother collecting my stuff from my class. It would be there tomorrow. 

I approached my car ready to collapse in my seat. Maybe I could call in tomorrow. No, if I told the boys to go to school I should. Be a good example and all. I pulled open the door when I heard a voice. “Ms. Mason?” I whirled around. There’s no way I’m getting killed by some random punk now. Ethan flinched and raised his hands in surrender. 

“Ethan, what are you doing here?”

“I couldn’t leave. It felt wrong.” 

“Oh… where are your friends?”

“They aren’t my friends.” He sounded angry.

“Oh, well. You’re better off. In any case, it’s fine now. You should go home.”

“Yes, ma’am.” he turned to leave, looking dejected. Curiosity got the better of me. 

“Ethan,” he turned. “Honest time. What were you thinking?”

He flushed embarrassed. “I thought if I summoned a small demon. It could help me pass. I’m failing out of your class.”

“Why didn’t you come to me? I tutor kids all the time-”

“I don’t know! I was embarrassed. I’ve never needed help before and I just… I’m sorry.” 

I sighed. “Come to my class early in the morning. We’ll do our best to fix it.”

“Wait really! I kinda thought you were gonna skin me.”

“You fail senior year and I still might, but I’ll help you. It’s what I’m here for. Do you need a ride home?” 

He beamed with excitement. “I live next door. I promise I won't let you down. Thank you!” He ran off disappearing into the night. I can sleep on the weekend. The kids need me right now. I got in my car and drove home.

[writeheallivepage]

inner child (1 of I don't know)

I've been seeing, reading and watching posts that feeling of worthlessness, failure, procrastination is somewhat caused by your inner child trauma. I've know this for a while. For years, I tried to be the good daughter who doesn't care that she came from a broken family, grew up with grandparents, lost her grandparents, and somewhat forced to live with a mother who is not ready for motherhood. Motherhood was forced into her. I knew and felt that. She got pregnant at 19 in a very conservative neighborhood. My maternal grandparents forced my parents to marry since it is the norm. They ended up in a hell relationship. Broke up when I was two, father went out of town, mother pursued him but they eventually separated in the end. I grew up feeling that my family is a little different. My friends have their Mom and Dad while I have Grandma and Grandpa. It was a normal childhood but the truth is, I've always struggled with my emotions. My grandparents are not the type of person that will console or sweetly teach you life lessons. My grandma especially has an iron fist. lol. If I do something really bad, I'm going to be hurt real bad. I remember thinking that they don't love me and it's better for me to be dead. I was a child for god's sake. I was immature. No one taught me how to handle those feelings. So I just tried to be the good granddaughter but I was a handful. I couldn't imagine how they handled me. When my grandmother died, I was in my rebellious teenage phase. I wasn't ready to loose her. I love her and she was my everything (sorry Grandpa). I saw how her loss affected my grandfather. He became lonely. I saw it in his eyes. It was just the two of us. My mother had her own way of dealing with grief. It was the first Christmas without Grandma and she decided to leave town and go on a vacation with her lesbian partner. My Grandpa and I were eating dinner and I felt like crying. No one said a word. I don't know what to say. I just hated my mother and mourning the death of my Grandma. Them came New Year 2011, my mother came home with her lesbian partner. I though she was just gonna stay for a few days but no. With the amount of clothes and stuffs, I knew that she will be staying in our house. I hated it. I know my Grandma would have hated it too. This is not the first time she had an affair with a lesbian. When I was in grade school, I think I was around 9 or 10, my Grandma brought me into a house because my mother won't go home and she is living in the house of her former lesbian partner. We were the talk of the town. After a few months, my aunt and I went to another house because my mother won't go home. She's staying with another lesbian partner of her. We went to the house but she did not come with us. When she came back after a few weeks, my Grandpa was so mad he kicked her. I hated her but she's my mother. I thought she didn't like me that's why even if she's always not around, I tried to be good for her to like me. Fast forward to 2011, I don't know if her reason was that we need a hand in the house since my Grandpa is old now and she has to work away from our town on weekdays or she just needed a love life to cope with the grief. I couldn't understand her. I never asked. I tried to be okay with the whole setup but I was young. I am a teenager in need of guidance but I felt alone. That year I graduated from high school and I went to college in a different city. I was so happy I was able to get out of the house but I was thinking of my Grandpa. I never realized it before but I feel bad for him. I feel that the whole situation was forced into him. I don't know if he fully grasped the whole setup of my mother's lesbian partner staying at our house. I was living alone in a different city and I liked it. I always wanted to live away from our home. I decided to have civil relationship with my mother and her lesbian partner. Our personalities were different there are times that it would clash but I decided to hold back. I also felt like I was being erased from the picture. I'm just the daughter, I'm not much of a value.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #105

(taken january 24th; uploading surveys taken while gone)

What is the age diff between the last two people you kissed romantically? Girt is around four or five years older than Sara. I've honestly forgotten if Sara was a year or two years younger than me.

Whose birthday is coming up next, that you know in your head? My friend Alyssa's.

Who did you last walk a dog with? Colleen, when she lived in the apartment and had to take her dogs outside on a leash to do their business.

If you had to name your kid after an American state, which would you choose? Probably Dakota.

How about if you had to name your kid after a city? Uh... maybe Charlotte? London? Idk, there are WAY too many cities and I don't even know most of them.

Can you burp on cue? Not anymore. I could as a kid, but it's something I actually stopped doing after this one time I was trying to get burps out of my chest as a kid in the car and then after one, for the next three straight days, I constantly felt right on the very precipice of puking. I eventually went to the hospital, but they couldn't find anything wrong, and oddly enough, the next morning I was fine. It was one of the scariest experiences of my life because of how terrified I am of vomiting, and I CONSTANTLY felt ready to just hurl.

What do you use to dry your clothes? (Tumble dryer, radiator, etc) Tumble dryer.

Are there are stickers on your computer? No; it's never something I've felt the need to invest in, regardless of how cheap they are. I receive money normally only two times a year, I'm not wasting it on stickers.

Will anything change in the next month? I'll be a year older and it would be REALLY nice if I found a job, too... I'm checking job hunting sites every day lately.

Do you plan on taking your husband’s last name if you ever marry? Most likely, yeah. Idk what I'd decide if I end up marrying a woman or nonbinary individual, but I feel like I would most likely take their last name, too.

Have you ever had an STD? No.

Do you have a lot of emotional baggage? BOY, DO I

Would you consider yourself artistic? Yeah.

Do you regret your last kiss? Nope.

Do you have any nieces or nephews? I have A LOT, like over ten. I only regularly see my immediate older sister's three kids, though. My other siblings with kids don't live here.

Do you like techno? Yes.

Are you on good terms with your last ex? No, but it's not something I care about anymore honestly. Is what it is.

Is anybody in your family schizophrenic? If so, what is their life like? My dad's oldest daughter is, but I've never met her and he definitely has nothing to do with her either so I don't know stories or anything. I've seen a single picture of her in my entire life.

What kinds of questions do you not like being asked? Employment-related things. Self-care stuff.

List 3 things that peeve you off. People getting pets they can't/don't properly provide for and/or don't do the necessary research, people acting like hot shit for having the "guts" to kill snakes minding their own goddamn business and controlling the pest population, and cringe culture. It is REALLY upsetting to me when people make others feel like shit or dumb or weird because of what makes them happy if it's totally innocent and harms no one. I'm not gonna lie, there are things that illicit the "cringe" reaction out of me, like musicals, but I'm not gonna shit all over them just because *I* don't enjoy them.

Do you remember who you liked in grade eight? I don't think I liked anyone, actually.

Does/did either of your parents serve in the military? No.

Where would you like to go on your honeymoon? Most likely Alaska, if we were there at a good time to see the Northern Lights.

Do you have Verizon? I have a Tracfone. I want something new and better SO badly.

Is there ever a time that you enjoy cold showers? No. I may like cooler showers if I'm extremely overheated, but not cold.

Is there anybody you’re not ashamed to tell anything to? No.

What has changed most about you in the past year? I take less shit from people, at least. I've gotten better at establishing boundaries and acknowledging and enforcing precisely how I want to be treated.

Ignoring nutrition, could you live off veggies for the rest of your life? Definitely not. I'm not a big veggie person at all.

Elaborate on a way you have volunteered? I once helped out at a place that was literally a combo of an ATV repair and snake breeding store. I helped clean out the absolutely massive snakes' cages as well as the feeding rats'. It was something I was excited about, but I think I lasted like... two hours because of how terrible a shape my body was/is in but even more so that the heat was unfuckingbearable and I have hyperhidrosis so I was absolutely dying and needed to leave. I sincerely looked like I'd gone swimming.

Are you one to sneak food into movie theaters? Uh yeah, shamelessly. Those prices are fucking unreal.

How are things between the person you like/love/are with? We're just fine.

Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you that you were sexy? Miraculously.

If you could see any musician live, front row, who would you choose? RAMMSTEIN, FUCKIN EASY 😭

Have you ever been around someone who was high? Yeah, a few times.

Do you prefer to take your showers at night or in the morning? Morning. I favored night showers most of my life, but it's been changed for quite a while now because it's just a good start to the day. Especially when you're someone who struggles to shower as much as they should, it's an ESPECIALLY good start to the day and makes me feel productive.

Are you on birth control? Yes; my period pain is unbearable otherwise.

Why aren’t you in "love" with your last ex? I was never in love with her. I don't know what we had.

What is your favourite dog breed? I have a lot I really love, like akitas and shibas, Saint Bernards, beagles, chow-chows, Mexican hairless, dobermanns...

What website do you visit most often? YouTube.

Do you have a cat? Yeah, my Roman boy. :')

Do you subscribe to channels on YouTube? A lot, even though I don't regularly watch even a third of the channels I've subscribed to. I did actually clean out my subscriptions two days ago, though.

Where do you want to be in five years? Stable job or even building my photography career, my own place with Girt, probably at least engaged if I'm still with him, way healthier and happier, able to drive/have my own car, have more pets...

What food(s) do you refuse to eat? Anything that was hunted for sport. I absolutely WILL NOT. If it was killed with the genuine intent to use it as food and wasn't made by me, then I would MAYBE do it, but I'm definitely not sure on that. You will never see me put oysters/clams, escargot, octopus, or organs like liver and shit in my mouth. There are WAY more that just aren't coming to me rn, I am absurdly picky with food.

Do you have a good relationship with your mom? Yes. I'm alive because of her, and I mean that in WAY more ways than just the fact she gave birth to me.

Do you have a good relationship with your dad? I mean I guess, we get along fine, we just don't interact as much as a father and child should. I love my dad, I do, but he doesn't get any fatherly awards, exactly.

Do you listen to the Beatles? No. I actually hated their music as a kid (not because they were "in," I hated their music when I was too young to even have any concept of that), but now I'm okay with maybe a couple songs as an adult, but I definitely couldn't accurately call myself a fan or even a deliberate listener.

Do you procrastinate often? SEVERELY.

What are you looking forward to? Wednesday so I can see Girt.

Have you ever had feelings for someone your best friend was dating? They were absolutely not proper "feelings;" I knew lit-erally nothing about Joel OTHER than Jenna liked him and wanted to date. We were two pre-teens that were apparently finding out lust was a thing and I let it get way outta hand until he told me he loved me (which he absolutely, positively did not, but it made me really realize what I was doing).

Have you ever dated someone who had kids? No.

Has anyone seen you naked in the last week? No.

Would you let people stare at your boobs? Uh, I wouldn't let a random person do that. If I noticed that happening, I would call them out on it. I don't really care if my partner does, but like, not in public. That's still not okay to me, have some decency.

Do you like Freddy Krueger? His concept is cool, but his movies are some of the cringiest horror classics from what I've seen.

Have you ever dated your girlfriend's/boyfriend's best friend? No.

What do you think of Rob Zombie? He's cool, I like a lot of his music and general aesthetic. His movies are too raunchy for me though.

Are you a Duck Dynasty fan? I sometimes found the show funny way back in the day, but I haven't watched it or followed the actors for years because I don't support religious bigots.

What kind of person were you in middle school? Weird. Random. Probably very annoying.

Do you have any major regrets in your life? I'll carry my regret for how I treated Jason after the breakup to the grave. That's the biggest, but oh there's more.

Name a TV show that you absolutely can’t stand. I could NEVER watch those shows like Monsters Inside Me that told stories about having internal parasites. FUCK that.

Are you a fast runner? I literally can't run because of my knees.

Have you ever had a concussion? Yes, and I was absolutely fucking miserable. 0/10 do NOT recommend.

Do you listen to heavy metal music? Yeah, that's my fave.

The song you last heard, does it make you think of anyone? I've gotten into "0% Angel" by Mr. Kitty and yeah, it makes me think of Jason. Kinda hurts to listen to but oh well, tired of trauma interferring with shit I can do.

Have you ever donated money to a charity? Yes.

Do you get bored easily? I have anhedonia as a depression symptom. I am very nearly always bored.

Are you good at doing tongue twisters? I'm actually not sure, I don't really try them.

Have you ever been to a drive-in movie? No. I mean, in elementary school we sometimes had movie on the lawn nights, but you didn't stay in your car or anything; you brought towels and stuff to sit in the grass.

Are you good at doing fractions? Hell no. Tbh I don't even know how to add or subtract them anymore if they don't have a common denominator.

What age did you have your first kiss at? I was a month into 16.

Do you regret losing your virginity to whoever you lost it to? I haven't yet but I know I won't if I lose it to who I plan to.

Do you get mad easily? No.

Have you ever auditioned for a talent competition? No.

Would you rather get high or get drunk? High, if it was just something like weed. I ain't fucking with more serious drugs.

Do you like the Silent Hill movies? First one is fine, though it took some getting used to for me since it changed the OG story's plot so much. It still bothers me that the director chose the mother instead of the father to search for Cheryl/Sharon LITERALLY just because of sexist reasons. The second movie is a fucking catastrophe plot-wise, but I could still watch it JUST because of how much I love the franchise and Pyramid Head is fucking hot lmfao

Tell me something you’ve been made fun of for in the past. This is one of those "it only happened once" things, but I still remember it SO clearly: in kindergarten, we were sharing our favorite sandwiches one day, I answered that mine was bologna, cheese, and mustard, and all the students were so grossed out, doing all these "EWWWW" sounds and stuff and it scarred me for life :')

[arobinwithoutbatman]

That was kinda sad. Jason really only had his neighbors here but it also meant that this world's Tim wasn't about to get treated with pity out of nowhere.

"Obviously there's gonna be some differences, I don't need to tell you that. I love my parents and they love me. I still vaguely remember when they were around all the time, I remember being held and talked to and obviously I remember the circus. Or at least, I have some very clear sensory memories of that night."

Hm... did he want to take the secret way through some levels and do something cool? Or did he want to do a standard run and not think too much? Standard run, he's not in the mood for the focus the secret route requires. Down into the caverns he does then.

"And then I got my autism diagnosis and it all stopped. They didn't know what to do and didn't really do any research. I learned how to repress some of my habits and how to blend in and when I did good enough, they went back to work. Drake Industries was all construction based, they did archaeology for fun and went all over the world. Bills were always handled, housework was for the housekeeper, all I had to worry about was keeping my own room clean and keeping my grades up. My physical needs were met. Emotional needs kinda fell by the wayside which became my normal."

Ugh, stupid trap room taking his attention and focus for a couple of minutes.

"You know I cried the first time Dick hugged me because I was so touch starved?" He said after several minutes of silence and navigating multiple rooms. "He and Bruce were trying to respect my space. We all thought I was touch averse because I shied away from touch so much. I was trying to comfort him because talking about you always made him sad and I knew better than to try and ask Bruce about you. I offered him a hug even though I wasn't a fan of hugs. And then I sort of broke down in his lap and it turned to him comforting me." He sighed. "It's taken me a while to learn that my parents, while good people, maybe weren't the best parents. Because I have good memories of them. I miss my mom a lot, I go to her grave every mother's day. And I do miss spending time with my dad. We're just... such different people now."

"He doesn't get to be disappointed." Tim replied firmly, punctuated by some unnecessarily firm button pushes as he dealt with a room full of spiders. "I'd imagine your Tim dealt with something similar and if he hasn't brought it up, don't you dare repeat any of this or start treating him different because he will figure it out and the reaction won't be good."

It was the only warning he was willing to give and only because he didn't know how close Jason was with his Tim. What was the Tim of this world even like?

"I remember when Mom and Dad started talking about going back to work. I'd been a good boy at the winter gala and with how they were talking, I thought I'd be going on an adventure with them. I woke up one morning in March to an empty house and a note on the table saying where they'd gone and when they'd be back and my babysitter would take me to school." His expression was stormy, eyebrows drawn as he recounted the memory. "I was six." The room cleared and he moved on. "I was Robin at thirteen. I was his sole carer when he got paralysed on one of his trips. He and Mom could never keep to a schedule and sure they always sent postcards and sometimes brought souvenirs home but that wasn't what I needed and it's taken me this long to finally accept that. He wasn't around. I took care of myself. He doesn't get to waltz back in just because Bruce is dead and he doesn't like Dick that much. So if I want to work with the old money family that showed me love and care instead of trying to improve the reputation and standing of my stupid new money family and continue the really dumb high society crap between old money and new money, he can shove it."

[shakirawastaken]

dsmp if...they were teachers part 2

ANON I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED UR REQUEST IM SO SORRY IM GONNA CRY BUT here it is :D with techno too :) please people send in some requests for meee check out part 1 here!

techno: english (with 1 mythology class for seniors): - hates his english classes wishes he could just teach mythology - would make all the students do a little project on a greek mythology story - rivalry with mr soot  - “ill give u each 10 dollars if u go to mr soots class tmrw talkin about how im a better teacher” - supports each and every kid no matter WHAT even if its not english related - holds detention in his room cause no one wants to fuck with him - like dream he doesnt anyone to get fucked over his english class so he hosts after school office hours like its college - has read all the classic novels and makes his classes read them. he wont move to something else unless some kid IS REALLY passionate about it - “ranboo we will not be reading the diary of a wimpy kid series even if you resonate with greg heffley on an emotional level” - BUT for his english classes he makes them do a general book report project so he can see and appreciate his student’s taste in books  - albeit not the biggest fan of romance novels but knows it ends with us for some reason - brings all the projects home and keeps them in a big storage bin. he loves showing them off to future classes and even you - light. acadmeia. dresses formal, long sleeves, hair tamed, glasses on the bridge of his nose - “tommy please stop swearing. tubbo calm down?” - hold detention with him cause no one fucks with mr blade

phil: principal - best principal ever - has a great relationship with all the staff tbh  - wilbur and techno and tommy arent his sons wdym - no ones rlly scared of getting sent to the principals cause like yk theyre like “oh phil??? hes nice”  - everyone calls him phil - ok i lied everyone BUT tommy isnt scared of going to phils - “I DONT WANT TO GO TO PHILS” “tommy calm down-” - hates the school board, lets the teachers teach what they believe is best for the students - can deal with the consequences - once wilbur got him to play a role in on of the school’s productions - big year for the dsmp high thespians tbh - is married to the guidance counselor kristin - who by the way is a GOOD COUNSELOR - actually does guidance - phils whole office is green - always wears his bucket hat tbh - besties with the other school’s principals

foolish: architecture/woodworking - i think this one was another “duhhh” one - builder man teaches builder children - starts the year with teaching them the basics of everything and then sort of lets them go wild  - is so scared some kid is gonna get hurt - has goggles in every corner of his room, gloves, whatever safety stuff  - loves it when kids work together to make some big project - IN YOUR GUYS’ HOME YOU HAVE A SHELF full of little sharks all the kids made for him its so cute - he makes stuff for you in class and uses it as an excuse to teach  - wears muscle t-s or normal t-shirts never dresses formal  - “it would get in the way of the wood?? duh” - id want to be in his class - is besties with mr jacobs and mr punz the random coach who shows up just to coach basketball in the winter - another teacher everyone simps over - once refused to teach tommy cause he didnt want to “catch a case”

i kinda want to write for the bench trio so here’s STUDENT EDITION

tommy: junior in high school, ta to mr wastakens math class  - tommy signed up to TA for wilbur but then wilbur said “absolutely not” so he got put into dream’s introduction to stats class  - but he also has dream for the period after that for his ap stats class - so hes stuck there for like 2 and a half hours  - dream groaned when he saw who his TA was - makes tommy grade papers and stuff but never tests  - he doesnt trust him with that - tommy is a good kid and usually doesnt disrupt class but when he does its hilarious - expect mr blade doesnt give a second shit about tommy in his class  - tommy is rlly good at drama and math (even though hed never admit hes good at math)  - his locker is a mess  - besties with tubs and ranboo ofc - phil is his father dont tell anyone - he is so adamant on walking home bc he doesnt want people to know that his family works there - always has his red jacket on  - never gets school lunches says they are cursed

tubbo: junior in high school, ta for mr quackity’s spanish class - tubbo likes quackity so he signed up to ta for his class - he isnt good at spanish tho- - quackity knows that but likes tubbo so he lets him be  - sapnap ADORES tubbo for some reason - “TOBY!!! WHATS UP!” “hi mr sapnap” - sapnap thinks tubbo is such a good kid - but  - mr notfound knows tubbo is a menace - “good morning toby” “good morning mr notfound *innocent*” “sit down and get started please” - SO FUNNY LMAO  - tubbo is a menace - pulls a bunch of pranks on the teachers but then the blame always ends on tommy somehow “wHAT- TUBBO DID IT” “no he didnt” - besties with tommy and ranboo ofc - tubbo is rlly good at science but isnt so hot at english - but mr blade is rlly nice and takes him time to help tubbo  - tubbo appreciates it so he gets mr blade a gift at christmas - mr blade teared up - runs thru the hall dragging tom and ranboo behind him no regrets - “STOP RUNNING THROUGH THE HALLS” “no” ranboo: junior in high school, ta for mr blades mythology class - lOVES ta-ing for mr blades class - mr blade kinda lets him chill in the back, stapling papers - no interaction whatsoever - he also now cant wait to take that class next year - mr blade refers to him as my protege a lot  - i hope i used that word right - besties with tommy and tubbo - all the teachers are nice to ranboo and kinda sorry that hes friends with tommy and tubbo LMFAO  - “hi ranboo u doing ok” “yes thank u mr jacobs” “RANBOO! LETS GO! PUDDING DAY IN THE CAFETERIA” “thats my cue mr jacobs” - ranboo usually doesnt get into trouble when he does oh boy its good - not pranks on teachers but school wide pranks - is shy but when someone picks on tommy and tubbo he GOES OFF - attacks them through words - when he gets comfortable in a class he lets out these small comments that get the whole room laughing - so not the class clown but people know hes funny and people respects him