#he’s at murder church and sometimes if someone’s getting church murdered and is becoming a hazard. he makes them sit down. like no thanks

[trollbreak]

I should draw puppet in more outfits. He’s just like standing there most of the time lol

[doberbutts]

I’m wondering if you have thoughts on James Baldwin’s “open letter to the born again”? I’m struggling a bit with what his point is in that piece; it feels kinda dismissive on Jewish zionists agency in creation of Israel? But I may be missing parts or not getting things

The text in question.

And the segment I think anon is struggling with:

I know what I am talking about: my grandfather never got the promised “forty acres, and a mule,” the Indians who survived that holocaust are either on reservations or dying in the streets, and not a single treaty between the United States and the Indian was ever honored. That is quite a record.

Jews and Palestinians know of broken promises. From the time of the Balfour Declaration (during World War I) Palestine was under five British mandates, and England promised the land back and forth to the Arabs or the Jews, depending on which horse seemed to be in the lead. The Zionists—as distinguished from the people known as Jews—using, as someone put it, the “available political machinery,’’ i.e., colonialism, e.g., the British Empire—promised the British that, if the territory were given to them, the British Empire would be safe forever.

But absolutely no one cared about the Jews, and it is worth observing that non-Jewish Zionists are very frequently anti-Semitic. The white Americans responsible for sending black slaves to Liberia (where they are still slaving for the Firestone Rubber Plantation) did not do this to set them free. They despised them, and they wanted to get rid of them. Lincoln’s intention was not to “free” the slaves but to “destabilize” the Confederate Government by giving their slaves reason to “defect.” The Emancipation Proclamation freed, precisely, those slaves who were not under the authority of the President of what could not yet be insured as a Union.

It has always astounded me that no one appears to be able to make the connection between Franco’s Spain, for example, and the Spanish Inquisition; the role of the Christian church or—to be brutally precise, the Catholic Church—in the history of Europe, and the fate of the Jews; and the role of the Jews in Christendom and the discovery of America. For the discovery of America coincided with the Inquisition, and the expulsion of the Jews from Spain. Does no one see the connection between The Merchant of Venice and The Pawnbroker? In both of these works, as though no time had passed, the Jew is portrayed as doing the Christian’s usurious dirty work. The first white man I ever saw was the Jewish manager who arrived to collect the rent, and he collected the rent because he did not own the building. I never, in fact, saw any of the people who owned any of the buildings in which we scrubbed and suffered for so long, until I was a grown man and famous. None of them were Jews.

And I was not stupid: the grocer and the druggist were Jews, for example, and they were very very nice to me, and to us. The cops were white. The city was white. The threat was white, and God was white, Not for even a single split second in my life did the despicable, utterly cowardly accusation that “the Jews killed Christ’’ reverberate. I knew a murderer when I saw one, and the people who were trying to kilI me were not Jews.

But the state of Israel was not created for the salvation of the Jews; it was created for the salvation of the Western interests. This is what is becoming clear (I must say that it was always clear to me). The Palestinians have been paying for the British colonial policy of “divide and rule” and for Europe’s guilty Christian conscience for more than thirty years.

Finally: there is absolutely—repeat: absolutely—no hope of establishing peace in what Europe so arrogantly calls the Middle East (how in the world would Europe know? having so dismally failed to find a passage to India) without dealing with the Palestinians. The collapse of the Shah of Iran not only revealed the depth of the pious Carter’s concern for “human rights,” it also revealed who supplied oil to Israel, and to whom Israel supplied arms. It happened to be, to spell it out, white South Africa.

Well. The Jew, in America, is a white man. He has to be, since I am a black man, and, as he supposes, his only protection against the fate which drove him to America. But he is still doing the Christian’s dirty work, and black men know it.

My friend, Mr. Andrew Young, out of tremendous love and courage, and with a silent, irreproachable, indescribable nobility, has attempted to ward off a holocaust, and I proclaim him a hero, betrayed by cowards.

For context: Andrew Young, considered the right hand of MLK Jr, had a longstanding and occasionally fraught relationship with the Jewish community. He stepped down from Congress shortly after being forced to choose between voicing support for Palestine and continuing to work towards black-jewish interests by his constituents and fellow politicians, as he felt very strongly about supporting both. This was a fairly unpopular move. While I don't believe he ever called himself Jewish by the strictest sense, he was actively involved in Jewish communities and the known "white" ancestry within him is a Polish Jew in his great grandparents.

To be honest, I don't really see much a problem with this as I think it fairly closely matches up not only with my understanding of the history of this problem but also my own country's part in it as well as my personal feelings on it decades later. It pretty blatantly says that Zionism is utilizing a machination of white supremist colonism due to the extensive history of antisemitism and having had the ancestral land dangled in front of them like bait on a hook from the British Empire, which owned Palestine at the time. It also goes on to say that many Zionists aren't even Jewish and are antisemitic in nature, but are Christians happy to get rid of as many Jews as possible and how that tracks due to the Christian church's millennia-deep history of antisemitism.

I don't think it lets anyone off the hook. I think it pretty much flat out says this is a problem caused first and foremost by white Christians who hate Jews and Arabs alike and have a vested interest in getting the two populations to fight because it'll be easier to kill off just the one group instead of both of them, if one ends up eradicating the other. It even talks about the friction between the black community and the Jewish community, what caused it, what drives it, how that friction in itself is a tool of white supremacy to hurt us both.

[stitched-mouth]

give us some of your headcanons about valak x reader !! thank you 😽

Dating Valak Would Include…

Pairing: Valak x Fem! Reader.

Warnings: Valak is a warning himself, SFW & NSFW, Headcannons become nsfw after —///—, Fingering, Oral sex (male and female receiving), Public sex, Demon sex, Teratophilia? (Monster fucking), Implied murder, I kinda bully the reader in the beginning for dating a demon even though I’m desperate to

Summary: What it would be like to date Valak.

Writing Time: 40 minutes.

Word Count: 🤷🏽‍♀️

Format: Headcannons.

A/N:

Thanks for requesting! I love writing for Valak, I’m so wet for him, please request more for him. Headcannons become nsfw after —///— ! Only read the beginning half of you’re only here for sfw content!

• Girl I think you might be crazy.

• Like dating a demon? You might be mad.

• You know girls who typically date older guys have daddy issues? Right, well this can’t just be daddy issues.

• Might be a different kind of issues too.

• Like your parents must of forced to go to Church and pray and all that religious bs for you to be like this now.

• Religious issues?

• Anyway, despite all my bullying, I’d say Valak is a great lover.

• Seriously, he takes you and everything you do or care about seriously.

• For example, you get hungry but are too lazy to cook so rather starve, Valak will go out of his way to bring you food.

• Yes, human food. Obviously he hates or doesn’t have any need to human food but he still cares about you and knows you need it.

• Or someone at work is giving you shit, they randomly go missing.

• What did you expect? Valak is a demon, of course he’s a yandere type lover.

• Well, not exactly yandere.

• Like I don’t think he’ll force you to obey him and shit.

• He kinda just likes to watch from behind the scenes.

• So if you decide to go out late, he won’t stop you but he will absolutely follow.

• You really really want this expensive whatever (clothes, shoes, toy) but can’t afford it?

• Valak is already spooking the shop owner to steal it and give to you.

—///—

• Valak is the best lover in bed too, if you’re good with spooking shit.

• Which you should be, you’re dating a demon.

• He will absolutely tie you down and fuck the brains out of you with his gigantic humanoid cock.

• Yeah, his dick isn’t normal btw.

• Like far too big to be human.

• Also grey like the rest of him.

• He also like to just watch sometimes, give him a nice show and touch yourself and he will nearly cum just from watching you get yourself off.

• I’ll bet having his eyes on you whilst your doing something so filthy and private helps you get off too.

• Valak want to beg for his big dick but even if you do there is no guarantee he’ll give it to you.

• Valak has no shame.

• So yes he will make himself invisible and finger you in public.

• Will also eat you out in public too.

• You’re only hope is to run somewhere private and safe.

• Most of the time Valak will let you but sometimes he won’t.

• He’s can be a little shit sometimes.

• Easiest way to get him to do something for you is to suck him off.

• Even if you have no chance of taking all of him in your mouth, he still appreciates the effort.

• Or better yet, lay on your back in front of him, spread your legs, start touching yourself and beg for his cock.

• Again, no guarantee you’ll get it, but it will make him hard as a rock and probably jerk him dick off till his jizz is covering your face.

• Then he’ll be completely smitten for you.

[stitched-mouth-vs-the-world]

Dating Valak Would Include…

Pairing: Valak x Fem! Reader.

Warnings: Valak is a warning himself, SFW & NSFW, Headcannons become nsfw after —///—, Fingering, Oral sex (male and female receiving), Public sex, Demon sex, Teratophilia? (Monster fucking), Implied murder, I kinda bully the reader in the beginning for dating a demon even though I'm desperate to.

Summary: What it would be like to date Valak.

Writing Time: 40 minutes.

Word Count: 614.

Format: Headcannons.

A/N:

From my old Tumblr again.

Thanks for requesting! I love writing for Valak, I'm so wet for him, please request more for him. Headcannons become nsfw after —///— ! Only read the beginning half of you're only here for sfw content!

---///---

• Girl I think you might be crazy.

• Like dating a demon? You might be mad.

• You know girls who typically date older guys have daddy issues? Right, well this can't just be daddy issues.

• Might be a different kind of issues too.

• Like your parents must of forced to go to Church and pray and all that religious bs for you to be like this now.

• Religious issues?

• Anyway, despite all my bullying, I'd say Valak is a great lover.

• Seriously, he takes you and everything you do or care about seriously.

• For example, you get hungry but are too lazy to cook so rather starve, Valak will go out of his way to bring you food.

• Yes, human food. Obviously he hates it or doesn't have any need to human food but he still cares about you and knows you need it.

• Or someone at work is giving you shit, they randomly go missing.

• What did you expect? Valak is a demon, of course he's a yandere type lover.

• Well, not exactly yandere.

• Like I don't think he'll force you to obey him and shit.

• He kinda just likes to watch from behind the scenes.

• So if you decide to go out late, he won't stop you but he will absolutely follow.

• You really really want this expensive whatever (clothes, shoes, toy) but can't afford it?

• Valak is already spooking the shop owner to steal it and give to you.

—///—

• Valak is the best lover in bed too, if you're good with spooking shit.

• Which you should be, you're dating a demon.

• He will absolutely tie you down and fuck the brains out of you with his gigantic humanoid cock.

• Yeah, his dick isn't normal btw.

• Like far too big to be human.

• Also grey like the rest of him.

• He also likes to just watch sometimes, give him a nice show and touch yourself and he will nearly cum just from watching you get yourself off.

• I'll bet having his eyes on you whilst your doing something so filthy and private helps you get off too.

• Valak want to beg for his big dick but even if you do there is no guarantee he'll give it to you.

• Valak has no shame.

• So yes he will make himself invisible and finger you in public.

• Will also eat you out in public too.

• You're only hope is to run somewhere private and safe.

• Most of the time Valak will let you but sometimes he won't.

• He's can be a little shit sometimes.

• Easiest way to get him to do something for you is to suck him off.

• Even if you have no chance of taking all of him in your mouth, he still appreciates the effort.

• Or better yet, lay on your back in front of him, spread your legs, start touching yourself and beg for his cock.

• Again, no guarantee you'll get it, but it will make him hard as a rock and probably jerk him dick off till his jizz is covering your face.

• Then he'll be completely smitten for you.

[whorrorbellee]

Cherry Waves : two and a half

Ghostface! Danny Johnson x f!reader

Danny just had to save you. He just had to save your poor sad life. Knocking your sad frail body against fake plastic tiles. Shoving his fingers down your throat like a kid fishing for pennies. What was it you wrote in your diary? Your shiny white masked knight in a black shroud? Well how cute. Maybe it was time he kept a pet around.Just to play or course.18+ : eventual smut, themes of suicide (reader attempts), selfharm, sexual content, murder, themes of violence

ao3 prolouge masterlist

 11th August 1992

Roseville sure is something. Hot weather, Sunny skies. Rednecks. Everything I had wanted to avoid until now. Utah was great, born and raised. Left poor pa alone in the farmhouse at nineteen. Burnt to a crisp, the detective said. Goddamn alcoholic could never remember to see if the fire had gone dead before laying his head down on the pillow. Too damn bad. 

Danny Johnson would become Martin Lee the small town photographer somewhere in Arizona, and then I was Jack Mayfield, the slightly deplorable stoner writer in california. But in Pennsylvania Jed Olson was born. Kind hearted, protective. Red blooded american that wanted to uphold traditional family values. The type of guy you'd see a pretty blonde next to with six kids. Jed Olson was perfect and fucking irritating. He was the type of guy you would ask to set up shelves in your apartment. And god i fucking hated it, i still do. At first Jed was sweet, he could lend a hand. Enjoyed a cold one. Then where's your girlfriend Jed? Or maybe you're gay? I've got a daughter you could take out some time? When are you gonna settle down?

So in New York Jed Became colder. But the problem with New york. Half of my work got lost to gang violence and hate crimes, by the time i had figured out who Jed really was, Ghostface had been lost in a lineup of violent Men and petty thefts. So I moved smaller. Florida. Small baptist town wedge between Jacksonville and St. Augustine. You could hardly call it a town, in reality it was a housing estate with ten shops lined up, a couple of offices and three different churches, two within the town and the third connected to a road that led you straight out of roseville and into St.Augustine. It was perfect. Enough crazies to not get caught, drive close enough that someone out of town could come in and kill. And small enough to cause a frenzine. 

So while I was in New York, I took as many freelance photography jobs as I could. Let myself wake up with cheap instant coffee and gouged myself on instant ramen, until I had enough to buy a truck from a guy I knew and road-trip myself down to florida. 

And here I was, a man with very little to say in the matter. Even though I had a way with words. It took me less than five minutes to wedge myself into the crew at roseville gazette. Mike had welcomed me with open arms after I had fooled him with my American values. White picket, 2.5 kids and a cute dog laid out on a plate for him to stuff his face with. 

12 September 1992. 

One month has passed and I'm settled in at last. Work is fine. Writing about lost dogs and people who've found rings along the shore. Work is boring. It's not really my work, well it is.  But not the work I really want to do. In-fact , I'm craving it. I'm not sure how long I'm going to last. Sometimes I just want to take Adam's face and crush it between the wall and the door in the stairwell. And I won't! God I could never. Well I could.  Just not Adam. Adam is great. He's really perfect. He's so anxious and erratic everytime a crime is committed. When I start and I mean really start (not drive to Georgia and kill some rando) he's just going to snap. Linda is great. She keeps to herself and writes pieces about Best places to take your family this (insert month) or should your kids be having sugar?. 

There's a list in my head of who I want to take out. I haven't started watching just yet. Need to get adjusted to the town properly. I've been going on runs every night. Keep the stamina up and find out every slip road and street I can hide on. To the others I'm in a health kick. Waving past dog walkers and drunk teens. James told me he saw me running outside his house and that he'd wanted to get together for an early morning run the next sunday. And now there's a group of us at 6am. I drive to the closest diner after and order the biggest breakfast platter they have. 

Case no: 289 D75   Date: 5th July 1984

Reporting officer: DC Smith

Prepared by: PC Stein

Incident: Fire at the Johnson’s farm house on 4th July 1984 at 11pm . 

Event details: I was attending the 4th of July celebrations with my girlfriend. After the fireworks stopped at around 10:45. The family packed up and I asked if she wanted to head back to mine. We got to the farm house and the place was on fire. The house was practically black. We went to the nearest phone so I could call the emergency services. 

I thought my dad might have gone out. But when the fire was put out, they recovered his body. When I left him he was on the sofa passed out. He usually drinks whiskey. I knew it was him because of the white gold wedding ring around his neck.

30th september 1992

So Mike's niece has officially started her job. Which has ruined all plans of me developing my own photos in the office. I'm sure she couldn't help it. Nepo babied her way into a job. Fresh out college and straight into the office. Didn't even have to have a shitty barista job first. She's shy and slightly skittish. Pays no attention to where she's going. Always tripping over her own feet. The good thing is now we have software to edit photos after mike bought a one year package to see how far it gets us. 

She lives next to me. I passed her in the stairwell and walked behind her on the way home. 

She doesn't crack a smile when I do. Hardly ever reactive. Emotionless. Faked a smile on her first day before curling inward on her desk to jot something down. 

An enigma. Uncharmable .

16th October 1992

I didn't mean to do it. I was just a little rusty. I don't have time for mistakes. And I panicked. I dont panic. I never have. What little humanity I have left in me is reserved for good coffee and books. So I climbed into the wrong window that night. Mine was one over. A complete accident. Someone had swung a brick at my face and knocked me sideways. So I was a little puzzled when the bare apartment I lived in had a shitty two seater armchair and a pretty girl laid on it. And I had nearly turned away. But the pill bottle had glowed under the moonlight and headlights of late night drivers. When I had picked them up and the out of date pills rattled inside. I looked upon the pretty girl who I thought was asleep. Breathing erratic. Eyes rolling to the back of her head. Lying in a puddle of her own sweat. 

Well I just panicked. Picking up her body and rushing to the toilet. Scraped along plastic tiles. My hands held her up by her neck and I shoved two thick fingers down her throat until I had felt her gag. Barely held up by her knees. Watching her puke into the toilet. 

I should've left her there. Let the darkness swallow her up. Swelled in the bathroom. Let the police press a black body bag to her skin. Cracked tiled angel. Another lost to the hidden disease. And I gazed into her eyes, half shut. Her mouth opened as her head fell into the crook of my neck. Soft skin against the rough fabric of my shroud. I felt her heartbeat grow stronger. Poison exiting her body.

So instead I pressed her to the shower wall and washed her body, dressed her in the softest pyjamas I could find. Held her like my own. Held her like Piper wished I would. 

I won't make this mistake again.

[saikowatermelons]

The Child of the Sun

-Adero-

Their prayers and wishes were powerful enough to bring the prince to life. 

However, due to the corrupt nature of the Sun kingdom, and knowing that they prayed for this prince for the wrong reasons, the prince’s mindset was shifted. His main goal is to terminate everyone, forgetting his original purpose. 

The Sun kingdom praised him, even if he killed one of their kind, they allowed him too, thinking that he was taking them to a better place. This prince was treated as if he was a blessing sent from the Sun god, yet he was far from a blessing. He never cared about anyone, if someone were to get on his bad side, they would be murdered. He was emotionless, yet always seemed to be kindhearted as prophecies told, yet even if he was, he was still a murderer. 

Prophets dubbed him; “Child of the Sun; Adero”

Adero was taken in by the current royal family and treated him like a son of their own. The king and queen would sometimes favor Adero over the other princes and princesses they biologically created in order to not upset the deity. Adero couldn’t care less about the offerings and pampering given to him. He was never all for that since he didn’t have the capability to feel gratitude. So, he just let it be, and yet he decided to have his own life and go on adventures across the different nations. Suspicious, the king and queen hesitated on approving their adoptive son’s decision, but they let him go in order to not cause any trouble with the sun god’s gift to them. 

Adero went off, and decided to do what he wanted, going on little fun quests and adventures as the people bowed down to him in respect and treated him like a hero. Whenever something wrong happened in his adventure, he would publicly execute that person that decided to question him about his motives.  The people would cheer on him whenever he would brutally murder someone, including the innocent as if he was being a hero for executing them. Nobody dared to disrespect him, only those foolish enough would and they would soon regret their decision. 

One of his adoptive sisters, Katrina, dislikes him for killing the innocent, her parents were mortified of her and continuously scolded her and abused her, physically and verbally in order to make her realize her “mistake” and make her learn to respect Adero. However, she didn’t stop, she kept telling them and trying to convince them that he was indeed a horrible being. Adero knew everything she was trying to do, and he did know she had no chance, but her evidence and her persuasion skills were good. She had enough one day and tried to tell everyone in the kingdom, and she had a chance in convincing her people due to her status. But before she left the palace to tell everyone she didn’t know, Adero returned home from an adventure. He then exterminated her, knocking her out, bringing her somewhere secluded and decapitating her before consuming her body limb by limb. 

The tragic event was concluded as an possible assassination from the Moon Kingdom, and never even assumed it was Adero. Some people did, but, of course, were executed anyway. The king and queen viewed it as a good riddance and let it be, not even caring that their daughter was dead. 

The disappearance of Katrina was still left a mystery by the public eye, even now during the present.

-Corriette-

(Corriette Amélie Moreau)

Grew up in a poor but religious family. They brought her to a church to become a nun and serve the priest. However, despite the church being a holy sanctuary for blessings and such, the priest was a horrible person, and people excused him for his disgusting behavior since he was a man of god. As a nun, Corriette was forced into slavery because of the priest. She wanted to be independent from his control. But she couldn’t  because she was forced to believe it was for the greater good. Then, she fled away from her hometown (the Sun kingdom), away from the church and away from her old family and found her new home at the Afternoon kingdom. Free from all the torture and control she had once endured in her old life, and now living as a free citizen that decided to partake in studying books.

 People back in the Sun kingdom were skeptical of her nature, suspecting she could be a witch just because she liked to read information. The priest has caught her reading before and burnt all of her precious and valuable books because they weren’t “holy” or “blessed by the Sun God’s light” 

But going into the Afternoon kingdom, many people didn’t mind and were alright with Corriette being a bookworm. 

Being in the Afternoon kingdom made her express herself more often, being more sassy and kind hearted. However, she was always focused on what she wanted and her needs. Sometimes not even realizing she’s hurting herself and others in the process. 

But she will do everything it takes to get what she wants, or what someone she cares about wants even if it risks her own life, then so be it. 

She resents the people of the Sun Kingdom due to how prideful they are of their own nation and she has prior knowledge of all of the corrupted and horrible things the royal family of that kingdom do. She yearns to bring her family to the kingdom she is in now, however it’s difficult due to them being loyal to the royal family of the Sun kingdom. She tries her best to convince them, yet they don't accept the truth of the people they worship. One day, she went to the Sun Kingdom just to visit her family, and she saw on the streets a parade being held. Through all of the joy, dancing, and excitement, she sees the prince; Adero. The two had opposing viewpoints of the world.

Corriette never fell for the propaganda Adero set, and she knew that he was indeed a horrible person from the start (with the murder). But she was too exhausted, too uninterested in bringing him to justice. Morality was never her thing. She didn’t really care much about justice, only the justice that serves right to her or someone she knows, and Adero was immediately interested in her.  The two hit it off as friends, however society constantly disregarded Corriette just because she was low class. But Adero didn’t care because he liked being with her. (no romantic implications) But as time went by, their friend relationship slowly but surely became different, with Corriette realizing how much more of a flawed and insane individual Adero was. But she can’t leave, she’s forced to stay, forced to accompany him because he never had a real friend. It was during their friendship when she knew that morality was important. 

Basically Corriette and Adero have a toxic friendship

[tartarusrising-rp]

OOC INFO

Name/Alias: Arrow Pronouns: She/They Age: 31 Timezone: PST

IC INFO

Character Name: Artemis Ryan Character Age: 26 Character Birthday (with year): March 2nd, 1998 Gender & Pronouns: Nonbinary; they/them Affiliation: Church of the Lost Occupation: Mechanic & Muscle for the Church of the Lost Faceclaim: Liv Hewson

BIOGRAPHY

TW: massacre, brainwashing, emotional abuse, grooming, cult/religious themes, murder

The Ryans were a small but mighty clan, with hair as red as the sun and the temper and drive to match it. The Ryans were equally a story and a warning to any who dared to challenge Conall MacCabe. The Ryans were fierce and powerful, and like many others, went out in a blaze of glory.

They remember only flickers of that night. A man (their father) shoving them into a closet with a pistol clutched in their tiny hands, whispering at her to stay quiet. The deafening bangs as gunshots flew about, shouts and screams as a family gathering turned into a bloodbath. They remember shouting out in alarm as a gloved hand sank a blade into her father's throat, and then getting dragged out of the darkness by their hair. They remember watching the house they had lived in going up in smoke, and someone finally silencing them with a blow to their head.

The Church of the Lost takes them in, for certainly, they are lost. At first, they resist, biting back with the ferocity of a wolf, but they are still a child. Slowly the memories of the Ryans and their fiery nature fade, only to be replaced by the sermons of the Church. There is no father, no mother, no kindly aunts or uncles or cousins. There is only the Leader and Her touch that vacillates between gentle and cruel. The world narrows to a single point that begins and ends with Her, and they learn that Her attention is all that they crave.

She is the one to give them their name, the first semblance of an identity that they are allowed to have in years. Artemis. Goddess of the Hunt. She shapes them into a perfect weapon, a feral animal in the skin of a youth. They are fourteen the first time they murder someone for Her. He doesn't see them coming, the silent, scarred child that quietly hovers at Her side. When he tries to humiliate Her in front of a group of his men, a single twitch of Her finger is the only signal they need before they are leaping over the table. A well-aimed blow with the crown of their head breaks his nose, and in a matter of seconds, they have him on his knees before Her.

No one is eager to test them again.

As years pass, they become a fixture in the Church. Not quite elevated to the status of one of the lieutenants or the overseer, but a above the rest of the flock. Newcomers mistake them as favored, but over time, most come to see the reality. They are a vessel, meant to embody exactly what She needs at any given moment, from sacrificial lamb to vicious predator and all that lies in between. She tells them that the scars that adorn their face and body are proof of their devotion, and they have no reason to question Her.

Violence is the language they become most fluent in, followed by the language of engines. They learn how to drive and care for vehicles, maintaining the Church's private collection and acting as Her driver, as well as Her guard. When they are allowed to roam the city, they have been known to participate in street races, even sometimes returning with a new car to add to the garage. They remain clueless to the presence of the murderer within their ranks, but would not tolerate change if their way of life was threatened.

[mariacallous]

Promise Edwards, a single mother of three living in Laurens, South Carolina, spends her spare time passing QR codes out to schools, churches and members of her local community. Scan one, and you'll be led to an online document full of LGBTQ+ resources across the state — which Edwards hopes to expand to a nationwide list by 2024. 

The heart-shaped codes — on stickers, embedded in keychains, printed on T-shirts and more — are sometimes adorned with sparkles or owls because, according to Edwards, they were "Jacob's favorite thing."

Edwards, known as Aunt Lulu to 18-year-old Jacob Williamson, welcomed the newly out teen into her home after he was kicked out of his own. 

"The day after he moved in with me, he said, 'I'm trans, and I go by he/him and I want to be called Jacob,'" said Edwards, whose mother had been Edwards' childhood best friend. "I said, 'OK. I love you,'"

"He was only allowed to be himself for 28 days."

Four weeks after Williamson went to live with Edwards in June, he went missing after going to meet up with online friends for the first time. 

Edwards had begged him not to go, even asking her boss to change his shift at the Waffle House where they both worked to make scheduling harder — but Jacob was unconvinced. He shared his location with Edwards through an app, got in the car and left.

It was the last time Edwards would see him alive. 

After she could neither get in touch with him nor see his updated location, Edwards reported him missing and spent the next four days talking to law enforcement, hanging posters, and frantically searching for Williamson. She knocked on doors, passed out flyers and posted online — but to no avail. 

His body was discovered by police on the side of a South Carolina road — just three days before Edwards' 37th birthday.

Williamson was at least the 14th trans person murdered in the U.S. in 2023, against a worrying backdrop of statistics that show trans people are more at risk than ever, despite only making up an estimated 0.5% of the U.S. population.

Data compiled shows 320 trans and gender-diverse people were reported murdered between October 2022 and September 2023, according to nonprofit Transgender Europe, though actual numbers could be even higher. 

Ninety-four percent of the victims were trans feminine people or transgender women — meaning they were not assigned female at birth — and three-quarters were younger adults, between the ages of 19 and 40.

"Most victims were Black and trans women of colour, and trans sex workers," stated the report, its Nov. 13 publication intentionally coinciding with the start of Trans Awareness Week. 

The week culminates each year in Trans Day of Remembrance, which was founded on Nov. 20, 1999, by trans advocate Gwendolyn Ann Smith, to honor Rita Hester, a trans woman who had been killed the year before. The vigil honored Hester and the deaths of all the other trans people who had been lost to violence that year, according to GLAAD.

"It's a day to honor and remember the folks that have died, but it's also a chance for us to reckon with, where do we go from here?" said Arielle Rebekah, communications consultant at the Transgender Law Center. 

"Every day is the day to think of a way forward," they said.

Mariah Moore, the co-director of policy and programs at the Transgender Law Center, agreed and reflected on how imperative it is for allies to show up for trans people. 

"A lot of folks are very vulnerable and feel alone and isolated," she says. "You could change the trajectory of someone's life by simply saying something — letting them know that they have someone ... that is also standing beside them, willing to fight for them." 

In addition to her work at the Transgender Law Center, Moore is also one of the co-founders of an organization called House of Tulip, which was born during the COVID-19 pandemic and works to find long-term housing solutions for trans and gender non-conforming people in Louisiana, where she is based.

"The goal is to help folks build a stable foundation so that they can have access to the futures that come so easily to others," she says, adding that the organization is a shining reflection of successful "coalition work;" identifying a cycle and working to fill a need by collaborating with others and sharing knowledge and resources. 

In the U.S., 586 anti-trans bills have been introduced in state legislatures this year alone, and aim to restrict or completely ban access to gender-affirming care, rid trans youth of the ability to participate in sports, arts and clubs — and in more extreme cases, even threaten parents with child abuse charges for affirming their kids' gender identities.

In the current tenuous political climate, the mental health of LGBTQ+ youth is worsening, according to the results of a national survey by The Trevor Project, which found that 41% of LGBTQ+ young people had seriously considered suicide in the past year. Additionally, youth who are transgender, nonbinary and/or people of color reported higher rates of suicidal ideation than their cisgender and White peers.

"I feel that Jacob was not targeted because he was trans, but yet, he was targeted because he was trans," says Edwards. "These people preyed on the fact that Jacob was partially out; that Jacob was ostracized from his family; that he had nobody but me and my family."

Since Williamson's murder, Edwards says that while many in her life — including close friends and family — have turned their backs on her, the trans community has embraced her with open arms as she continues to fight for justice for Jacob.

"I really just wish we could have had this support when Jacob was alive," she said. "And we probably wouldn't even be talking right now." 

But further data from The Trevor Project provides a glimmer of hope for others within the trans and gender non-conforming community: youth who reported gender-affirming school and home environments reported significantly decreased rates of suicidal ideation — with actions as small as being addressed by their correct pronouns, having access to gender-neutral bathrooms or being able to wear gender-affirming clothing making a noticeable difference.

As Rebekah puts it, "Even in the face of this violence, we are thriving."

"Yes, we might be under attack," adds Moore. "But guess what? We've also fought back. And we're winning." 

Each year, though violence against the community soars, young people are increasingly identifying as trans and seeing themselves reflected in culture, including in film, television and literature. Transgender Day of Visibility is even now recognized by the White House.

"My life is great," says YouTube star Eden Estrada, also known by her online alias, Eden the Doll. "I had a hiccup, but my life is good."

In August 2020, video depicting a violent attack on Estrada and two of her friends was posted online, where it quickly went viral and became national news overnight.

While waiting for an Uber in Los Angeles, Estrada alleges that the trio was beaten and robbed, with one of Estrada's friends knocked unconscious in the fray. The LAPD later investigated the incident as a hate crime.

"I'm grateful to be alive," says Estrada. "I've been through something traumatic, but I came out of it really, really, strongly."

Estrada is now happily engaged, has a flourishing career and in her own words, is "over" what happened to her. But reflecting on Trans Day of Remembrance, she recognizes this could have been a different story.

"This day, it could be about me," says Estrada. "Something worse could have happened to me that day."

Estrada said that she uses this day not only to reflect on loss, but to reflect on the LGBTQ+ figures who paved the way for trans people today — people like Marsha P. Johnson, Sylvia Rivera and Erica Andrews, she said, adding that she also uses this day to reflect on past versions of herself as well.

"I think it's remembering where you started, where you're at and where you're going," she said.

Rebekah feels similarly about Trans Day of Remembrance, which they say is an opportunity to elevate stories of trans joy and triumph.

"People need to see that trans folks are also changemakers; are also leaders; are also successful across all fields, across all industries, across all areas of life."

When asked how she will be spending Trans Day of Remembrance, Moore says, "I need to take time to really mourn some of the folks that I've lost recently, and just take time for myself as a Black trans woman... honor myself and the work that I'm doing."

"I think this year, I need some time for me."

It has been nearly five months since Williamson's body was recovered. 

The two people he went to meet that day were both arrested and charged in his death, but that's not enough for Edwards. "These people still get to talk to their families on Christmas," she said.

"And we don't."

She says she will be keeping Williamson's memory alive on Trans Day of Remembrance by hanging Christmas decorations at the site where his body was found and attending an event in honor of the day at the University of South Carolina Upstate, where she has been invited to speak.

While Williamson and at least 319 others who have been lost to violence this year will be in hearts and minds on Trans Day of Remembrance, Moore points out that countless trans people have also been lost to lack of basic resources like housing, healthcare and food.

"It's important that we uplift those stories and use Trans Day of Remembrance...to let folks know that trans people are loved and have people fighting for them," she adds. "Don't be silent when you see injustice is happening."

Edwards believes Trans Day of Remembrance is an opportunity to provide support in death for trans loved ones that they may not have had in life, and bring attention to the fact that nobody is above experiencing loss.

"It means awareness that this actually happens to people that we know and we love," she says.

But more than anything, Edwards hopes wherever Williamson is now, on this day and all days, that he is at peace.

"He had a life full of conditions," she says. "I hope that where he is, he feels love. Unconditional love." 

[themannfamily]

it's been mentioned that Zepheniah has a certain contempt for Silas's interest in the occult - in which case, what was all the talk of becoming a poltergeist about? was it simply that he wasn't as sane as he claimed to be? hyperbole? sarcasm? did he have a change of heart towards the end of his life?

(and did Silas ever encounter his brother's ghost for the brief period he was still alive after? did he even know at that stage?)

Let this be a reflection on Manns, Faith, and the Cursed.

Perhaps it's worth starting with the fact that the Manns definitely consider themselves christians (Blutarch and Redmond mention God, turn to God with prayers, there is a small church on the manor).

How righteous christians they are is another question. . .

Accordingly, they believe in an afterlife.

Zepheniah wrote in his will that God and his angels would have to drag him screaming to heaven, which means that he believed he would go to Heaven.

It is obvious to us that Zepheniah is not a good person. But if he killed someone directly, it was only when he was at war, so we can't call him a murderer, as, for example, we could call Gray. Accordingly, he could really think that he deserved a good end, because almost all people in his position were the same morally dubious in achieving their goals. His suffering and pain from illness (which of course could also affect his mind) reinforce his conviction that he deserves better, just as they cannot but make him think about the inevitable death and what will happen after.

Further, the Victorians were a bit obsessed with the topic of life and death, and this could not be ignored by such a gloomy person as Silas. Anyway, almost everyone believed in at least some of this, even if they weren't into it. So Zepheniah could believe that even though he would go to heaven, he would be able to return as a ghost, because this is what supposedly happened to those who died without finding peace.

It is important to note here to what unhealthy extremes interest in the supernatural sometimes reached at that time. In the case of Zepheniah, the situation is exacerbated by the fact that he considered those who do this to be charlatans (deservedly, in general), and money is a very serious topic for him.

As a person whose head is occupied only with practical things, he was not interested in what his brother liked, and therefore did not try to figure it out and just thought that Silas believed in everything: magic, mesmerism, spiritualism, mediums, telepathy, alchemy, necromancy. . . Of course, this was not quite true, and from a certain point in his life Silas could just start getting carried away with questions of death and mystery (not that Silas was a goth. . .), and this was his leisure, which his younger brother did not approve of. But he disapproved not even because it was unholy (unable to refuse, Silas himself could feel some guilt for it, even if he considered his interest harmless), but simply because it was useless nonsense.

Perhaps it is in Silas, as the most mysterious member of the family, that I am trying to find the reason why their whole family is cursed and literally cannot rest after death.

I do not exclude that it may be a matter of war, in the land, in the fact that they all died without finding peace, or even in a wizard. . .

Speaking of which.

It is quite obvious that there is magic in the world of TF, but everyone amazingly ignores its manifestations and does not want to get involved with it.

Nobody sees anything strange in the fact that Merasmus is a wizard because it's normal for them or because they don't believe him? Or is he just hiding so well? Surprisingly, it may well depend on each individual case, especially in the "city of fools". And that's why I think Merasmus chose to live somewhere in the Badlands for a reason. But this does not explain how he lived and hid before. . .

Considering that Merasmus gave a lecture on the experience of cohabitation with a human on the Wizardcon, he is probably a unique case of a magical creature living among people. So most people may really never encounter manifestations of real magic.

And somewhere here my assumption about the acquaintance of Merasmus and Silas during his lifetime appears. It's not for nothing that Merasmus calls Horsemann an old friend and speaks of him with such admiration (especially about his bloodthirsty side).

As I said before, he could have lived alone in a castle in the woods of gloomy England before moving to Scotland. And in this case, a person who accidentally discovered him, who shows a polite but tremulous interest in his magic, could well amuse his ego. Why not show off and scare him with your power? Even apart from the fact that it's nice to have such a good listener, sometimes it's interesting to hear about the life of a mortal. . .

On the part of Silas, in addition to his own interest in such a topic, involvement in something so mysterious can serve as a reason to give up devotion to God, which only causes him suffering. Especially when his life seems so boring and miserable to him.

Silas became insane after death, but he seems much happier than he was in life. . . And, probably, this is exactly how Merasmus thinks.

With regard to the latter, I doubt that Silas saw his brother's ghost, because it might have kept him from. . . making a hasty decision a little. In addition, I assume that having lost everything, he died less than a year after his brother, being at home almost all the time. This obsession with his territory could lead to such a form of curse as the defender of his land.

Also about this act. I doubt he could have done it at home, thinking it would be too dirty. Much more I believe that he went to one of the buildings near the house.

[katyspersonal]

What do you think of Gascoigne and Viola?

Sorry for falling out on the cute ships headcanons asks, I am not used to receiving many;; But it is one of my favourite ships, actually! Not only because I am a huge sucker for ships that are actually established in canon, but also because they are just so... committed? Two children, in the middle of all this chaos?

🪓 Viola's dress is very similar to that of black Church saints/doctors, and I felt like it was an implication rather than devs being 'lazy', since not only there was an effort put into altering, but also Viola's model is unique so it is not like they reused a corpse. Whatever it is, but I think that both her and Gascoigne ditched the Healing Church - whereas still wearing the evidence of former affiliation to it. Gascoigne wears the holy shawl disrespectfully, like a shawl, and Viola cropped the dress for her convenience x) They are a sassy couple!

🎶 I like to think Viola copes with reality through raw hope, more often than not vocal about her plans about 'what we do when nights of the hunt are over' and 'where will the girls go when they grow up'. Sometimes it makes Gascoigne angry as he doesn't believe in future anymore and he has to hold back from snapping at her, other times it is the only thing that can cheer him up. He struggles to form bonds as 'everyone will become beast anyways' but Viola prefers to cherish these bonds while they last! Whatever he struggles with, if she can tone it down that's what matters. This attitude calms him often, he wishes he met more genuinely good and hopeful people like her back when he was a Father back in his home place! Inside he's troubled that in his eyes he cannot offer enough in return besides protecting her at all cost since she is not quite a hunter herself lol. As result, he constantly does nice things to her, gifts and more chores help than required and getting her whatever she as much as casually mentions, not realizing that the nicest thing he could do for her is to 'slack' on the hunt at least sometimes...

🪓 The name for the younger daughter is Dorothy, and the older Sally! Suggested by @val-of-the-north, I liked the names!

🎶 Viola kinda pouts at Gascoigne (and Henryk, who I believe is the 'grandpa' that Dorothy mentioned) for bringing his friends (the League) over, because thanks to Valtr Sally fucking wants to become a cop now -_-" Whereas Dorothy is scared of him. Viola and Valtr are having sass battle about his "bad influence" on the kids, and Gascoigne really loves seeing Viola passionate and strict like this. He thinks she is the most adorable when she is protective of her children, in big things or small.

🪓 The couple is always welcoming other people who got disillusioned about Healing Church and ready to give them advice and assistance (or even temporary shelter and social resources, depending on how much remaining Church people were pissed at the "traitor"). Henriett is one of such people, actually! I also have this awkward headcanon that both Gascoigne and Viola had the complicated period of finding her rather attractive and wrestling with themselves to not invite her in their.... ....activities uhhh. They had Guilt TM about simping for someone while being married, it is all that darn Catholic past, man. The crisis kinda subdued though and for now Henriett is just a good friend of the family! She is even a lot like an auntie for the daughters, too!

🎶 I am not downvoting the interpretation that Gascoigne killed Viola - it still has a powerful gut-punch about what that darn blood and hunt does! And it would work with importance of Viola forgetting the Music Box that tends to calm Gascoigne. But in my headcanons, Gascoigne did not do that. @heraldofcrow quite sold me on the version that murdering Viola was all part of Bloody Crow's twisted plan to drive Gascoigne, Henryk and Eileen mad (in this order)! But even if that is not included, I think it'd be huntsmen that attacked her. In either case, in my thing, Gascoigne broke because Viola was murdered, rather than murdering Viola because he broke. I am allowed one 'forgetting Music Box was just a gameplay thing and some things are so nice that blood and hunt can't ruin them' ticket!!!!

🪓 Gascoigne was actually very much distressed when his body started to show signs of beasthood. Body fur, eyes irises going white in color and vision worsening, nails becoming claws, ears sharpening... He even wanted to leave the family and go die somewhere far away, for their own safety. But Viola, knowing his habits very well, was able to identify something wrong and managed to pull the truth out of him.. She reassured him it was going to be fine, optimistic person that she is, was very loving and accepting about his metamorphoses after getting him to show her what changed, kissed him where body went 'beastly', all that. Her love and optimism actually did win him some time before going more insane.

🎶 The Music Box is actually a wedding gift from Henryk! Playing Mergo's Lullaby, it was his link to his mysterious heritage, and the reason he sought Byrgenwerth's help back then. Henryk liked Gascoigne, but never thought to confess him and Gascoigne already turned out to be in love with his adopted daughter, which of course ruined his chances and he just kept the secret between himself and Valtr. However, when Sally was born, Henryk was so happy that his broken heart got mended. They are still on very good terms, though!

🪓 Gascoigne and Viola really love doing things together, and moreover, to teach each other what they're good at! Like how Gascoigne could teach Viola to chop the wood and Viola could teach him to do knitting and embroidery. As a result, they share skills, just that one is a bit better at a skill than the other. Their daughters actually copied the dynamic of their parents here - having mostly different hobbies and vibes, they also teach one another! It is about a good example.

🎶 This dress Gascoigne did make for Viola by himself:

If it looks like it was created mostly from the curtains... well, it is because it WAS. Still, not bad for a guy who is supposedly only skilled at swinging his axe, is it? x)

🪓 They actually at times could spend hours simply chilling with each other, idly talking about good memories they shared or complimenting one another. In some days, Gascoigne will be aloof and irritable, too occupied with the thoughts of incoming night of the hunt, but even then he will be able to say a lot of nice things about how much he cares about the safety of her and the girls. They just do not get bored about ruminating on their relationship and how good their dynamics can be despite some conflicts. A type that would still have romantic dates even years into marriage in a happier setting. Again, because they just do not get 'bored'!

🎶 They both love books (Gascoigne even wrote some in his past, as a Father!), but at the same time enjoy different genres. What Gascoigne likes and wrote is more along Russian classic novels (Tolstoy, Dostoevsky, all that). You know, the Depressing Literature TM about society, war, politics, and singular people it effected. But what Viola likes is epic novels and often containing rather satirical, ruthless commentaries. However, in general Viola is about 'saying a lot with a few words' in a book, whereas Gascoigne adores the usage of full language's potential in detailed descriptions. They like discussing the books they like with one another, and sometimes their opinions on what makes a good book get so different that it becomes a passionate debate.

🪓 Viola is a type of a mom that would like her children to have hobbies and excell at something - music, art, sport, anything. And Gascoigne is a type of a dad that is concerned about his children, first of all, being street-smart and having practical skills in life. The daughters are growing up to be both resourceful and rich with interests! Lol don't you just LOVE the fact that the only way they could survive is if the Hunter doesn't even try to help? :')

________________

Thank you for the ask! I like this ship a whole bunch.

[nysocboy]

Gemstones Episode 3.6: BJ boxes, Keefe learns about hard wood, and Kelvin gets a girlfriend

Title: "For Out of the Heart Come Evil Thoughts." Matthew 15:19: "For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies." We don't need to match the Gemstone with the sin: they are all guilty of false witness, lying to others or to themselves.

How to Make Things Right: BJ didn't move out, after all,  but the two are barely speaking. Judy asks what she can do to make things right. He doesn't know.  She is despondent. Remember that in 2000, she worried that she would never find anyone who would love her.  It took 18 years, but she finally found someone, and now it's over.

The Montgomery Boys Leave:  At Eli's mansion, the Montgomerys thank the family for "straightening them out."   Kelvin suggests that it happened "when we dressed them up."  That sounds like a gay reference. 

Jesse says "They're ready to f*k": their next steps should be girlfriends,  intercourse, wives and kids, the whole heterosexual trajectory.  To start them out, he gives them his monster truck, the Redeemer.

 As they drive away, Kelvin takes off his "wedding ring."  If he leaves it off, the relationship will really be over.  He'll be single again.  He puts it back on.  But maybe he is thinking of a heterosexual trajectory of his own. 

Taryn is Back: We cut to Kelvin introducing Taryn, who we last saw at Keefe's "wieners and ice cream" party, as his new assistant youth pastor.  A kid asks about Keefe, and he gets all bitchy: "He is leaving to pursue other opportunities.  Not even sure why you keep bringing that up!" -- while fiddling with his wedding ring again.  He continues to fiddle -- and look despondent -- as Taryn leads the kids in a dance. 

Paying off the Scandal:  The siblings meet with Stephen, his wife, and their lawyer.  They want $500,000 for "damages and emotional distress," or the affair goes viral.   Martin suggests paying the money, along with an apology.  Kelvin must be wondering: if it's worth $500,000 to keep an extramarital affair under wraps, how much damage would he cause the church by coming out  -- or being outed.  He doesn't like Taryn in that way -- he doesn't like women in that way -- but what choice does he have?  

After scenes where Baby Billy and Jesse discuss the hologram Aimee-Leigh idea, and BJ stalks Stephen, Kelvin tries to find out if the relationship is really over.

The First Reconciliation Attempt:  We find Keefe working at Woodpecker's Carpentry.  Wood-pecker, har har, the first of many phallic references in this scene.  His earring, necklaces, and rings are gone -- for safety, or to keep closeted?  

Suddenly Kelvin appears. Looking around nervously, Keefe asks "Brother Kelvin, what are you doing here?" Note that he uses formal titles to reaffirm that they have broken up: they are just pastor and parishioner.  No doubt he's worried that Kelvin will out him by referencing their relationship or just being flamboyant.  Kelvin does try his usual titty-tweak, but Keefe doesn't respond.  You're broken up!  You're not allowed to take liberties anymore!

Gay joke: "Master Bishop has taught me a lot in the ways of hard wood." Tell me more about your...um...hard wood.  The odd title "Master," not used for master carpeters, led some fans to speculate that he and Keefer were involved in a BDSM relationship. 

 Wait -- how long has he worked there?  Surely it's only been a few days since the breakup.

Kelvin asks "Have you found happiness?" An odd question. Why not just ask if he likes his new job.?  Keefe says that he has, but of course he's lying.  He's busy working on a reconciliation rocking chair.  He uses the  punching gesture that straight guys sometimes use to ward off physical contact: a bro-hug would be too painful.

Apparently Kelvin expected Keefe to be crying and miserable, lost without him, like in the Season 1 breakup.  Seeing that his ex is doing ok, he becomes bitchy, denigrating the carpentry job and declaring that he's having lots of fun with Taryn: "everybody loves her...no one misses you at all." The happiness facade fails: Keefe frowns and orders him to leave. 

We cut to Judy asking Eli for the bribe money. He exclaims "Can't you children figure out your lives?" and refuses.  

Then the Montgomery Boys zoom the Redeemer into Peter's new militia compound, claiming that they stole it.  But in Episode 2, he sent goons to kill them.  When did they start working for him again?

BJ bursts into tears while working at his Church Welcome Center job. Jesse and his crew sympathize: Stephen has cuckolded him, taken away his power.  He needs to fight the guy, "knock his dick in the dirt, show him who is the man."  

They take him down to the basement for punching-bag training.

Meanwhile, Amber invites Judy to her support group for wives whose husbands have cheated. She's actually a wife who has cheated on her husband, but still, the advice may be relevant.  The other wives relate how their partners worked hard for months to regain  their trust.  

Judy balks: so the cheater has to show remorse forever until their partner decides, on a whim, to forgive them?  There's no schedule, no list of things to accomplish, no way to know how close they are to forgiveness?  Nope.   

Left: Boxer Hugo Hernan aray

After the Rain: At the youth group, Taryn is bouncing on the trampoline, while Kelvin looks on,  despondent.  Shouldn't the kids get a chance to play on it?  

Kelvin's turn: he bounces toward the ceiling, still looking despondent, while Nelson's "After the Rain" plays:

He never really loved you from the start.

The only thng he ever gave you was a broken heart.

Don't be afraid to lose what was never meant to be.

Only after the rain can you find true love again.

So Kelvin has to get over Keefe to find true love?  But there are no other gay guys around..just Taryn...uh-oh....

Later, after the kids are gone, they are putting gym mats away.  Kelvin says that he was "working some stuff out" while somsersaulting. The staging suggests that he has worked out a way to stay in the closet by adopting a heterosexual facade.  The first step will be asking Taryn for a date.

 He's smiling, complimenting her, setting the scene.  They discuss how to get kids into physical fitness by making it fun, sort of like putting cheese on their broccoli so they'll eat it.  In a parallel, is he trying to use physical fitness to make a heterosexual relationship palatable?

But be careful, Kelv Baby.  In this universe, cheating on your true love is the worst sin imaginable.  It doesn't matter that Keefe broke up with you.  It doesn't matter that Taryn would save you from being outed.  If you stray, you will be punished. 

This is definitely the nadir of the Kelvin/Keefe relationship.  Even after seeing the entire season, knowing what is going to happen, I'm starting to get anxious.

But on the bright side, does anyone still doubt that they were a romantic couple?

Ok, ok, I'll post another boxer.

The full review, with nude photos and explicit sexual discussions, is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

[quenchiestcactusjuice99]

Frank castle introspection ahoy

Frank used to go to church every Sunday. Maria went with him. He doesn’t remember when that changed, but sometime between Lisa and Frankie, they were only going on holidays.

Maybe it was the tours. There’s not much time for praying when you do the things Frank was doing, and when there is, it doesn’t quite feel worth it. It doesn’t quite feel real. It’s hard to reconcile with thou shalt not kill when killing becomes Frank’s job.

He remembers there was a time when he thought there was a difference. That the Bible says not to murder, but doesn’t say not to kill. That the distinction is malice; that when you murder somebody, you’ve done wrong. But killing somebody—that’s just execution. And somebody’s got to do it.

Nowadays, Frank doesn’t feel like there’s a difference at all. Nowadays, it feels like if he stepped into a church, he’d burst into flames.

Maybe that’s why Red bugs him so much.

—

Catholicism has a way of sticking with you, whether you were raised in it and left, or stuck with it. Frank can smell it on Red a mile away. It’s the guilt, and the way he says “killing is wrong”, and “everyone deserves a second chance”.

Frank used to believe that too. He still does, to some extent. He agrees with the former, but can’t reconcile with the latter.

Frank used to believe there was a difference between killing and murder. What he did overseas, for a while he thought that was killing. And since it was killing, and not murder, he wasn’t sinning.

Maybe that’s how he was still able to hold his wife after every terrible thing his hands did.

He doesn’t believe that anymore. He thinks that when you kill someone, you kill someone, regardless of malice aforethought. He thinks that what he did was wrong. He thinks his hands are too bloody now for anything tender, and if he’s already here—if he’s already crossed this line a hundred times for officers he didn’t even like—the absolute fucking least he can do is cross it a few more for the only people he cared about.

He doesn’t think he’s in the right. Frank knows for Goddamn certain that what he’s doing, it’s messed up. But Frank? He’s doomed. He’s hell-bound and he knows it. And if he’s headed that direction already, he can afford to avenge his family. His wife, his kids—they didn’t deserve to die.

These men, though. They killed his family. They killed the last good things Frank was holding onto.

And here’s the thing. Killing a person isn’t something Frank takes lightly. It’s wrong, and somewhere in his Catholic-raised body he knows it. But these men deserve it. God knows they deserve it. And maybe it’s not his job, maybe he’s supposed to sit back and let God mete out the punishment for those who do wrong, but Frank—

Frank can’t. There’s no coming back from the things he did. And he wants to be sure that he takes these bastards with him. 

If he dies alongside them, all the better. He’ll never get to see his family again—they’ll be in a better place than where he’s going—but their murderers will burn with him, and that’s enough. That’s enough.

That has to be enough.

—

Every time Red corners him on a rooftop or in an alley, the conversation always turns to Frank’s wrongs, spat out between traded blows. What’s irritating about that is that Frank fucking knows all those already.

Even if he still believes in heaven, still believes in hell, sometimes he can’t bring himself to believe in God. Or at least, not a wholly good God. If God is real; if God is wholly man and wholly God; if God has never sinned and is wholly good—how the hell is Frank supposed to accept that a wholly good God let Maria die? Let his babies die?

Frank’s bones are still Catholic, and they know that killing is wrong. But the rest of Frank believes that some people deserve to die anyway. And when someone eventually kills him, out of revenge or justice or what have you, he’ll deserve that too.

He hopes Red isn’t the one to do it. He might think Red is a pretentious asshole, but Frank is pretty sure Red wouldn’t survive killing someone. Frank might not believe all the things Catholicism hammered into his head, but Red is still one hundred percent committed.

Frank doesn’t want him to lose that. Frank doesn’t want Red to end up like him. And there’s an irony there, really, because Red doesn’t even know how close he is to being Frank.

One bad day. One bad day, and there’s a second Punisher out in the world. Frank’s self-aware enough to know that that’s a bad thing.

[paula-of-christ]

So I am struggling with where to go from here. I've been going to some aa meetings and of course it's in a church, most of them take place in a catholic church near me. And a huge part of 12 step programs involves finding "a power greater than yourself", and every single time I start to explore spirituality and religion I get drawn to Catholicism. I didn't have religious parents, not much influence of it in my life except for a few times my grandmother would take my brother and I to church with her sometimes when she'd visit. I've done a lot of really awful things over the course of my life (i killed someone by accident years ago) it's hard for me to believe in a God that cares about me. I'm certain something exists that created the universe, I don't know what to call it besides God. Anyway I guess my question is how would I start exploring Catholicism? Like should I just show up to a service on a Sunday and go from there, and what should I expect? I just feel so drawn to it as a whole but I have no idea what to do about it cause I've never been religious/gone to church much/etc. Any advice would be wonderful.

Boy did you come to the right place, my friend! I am glad you are going through a program to help recovery, I know that can be an extremely difficult thing to go through, realizing all of the things you've done that are not what you'd like them to be. I think the most important piece of advice I can give you regardless if you decide to become a formal Christian and join the Catholic Church, is to continue to look for that growth inside of you and the way you treat others. Sometimes it can remain hidden to us just how much we are growing.

I posted this recently about sins being forgiveable and if you just want to take a moment to read that, sit with it, and then continue on to my practical advice about how to actually convert. (under the page break)

The biggest reason I say you came to the right place is because of the patronage of my blog, St. Paul. He was complacent and considered himself a murderer prior to his conversion to the Church, and then after experiencing the Risen Christ, became the greatest evangelist in Church History. He wrote the majority of the new testaments. All of those letters authored by Paul, is the Paul that helped the temple officials find and stone many of our first martyrs, including a tradition where he helped martyr the first martyr, St. Stephen.

You can read his conversion in Acts chapter 9, but if you go a little bit earlier in Acts, you can read about the persecution of the Christians as well.

The first step to formal conversion, since I think you already have what you need for spiritual conversion (a desire to pursue Catholicism) is to just start going to Mass. You can try out a couple of different parishes near you if there is more than one. If you google "Catholic church near me" and look at the different church's websites to find their Mass times or go to MassTimes.org I believe it is called. I would say try out different parishes to feel it out. They will all have the same basic structure but maybe the people at one parish are more friendly than others.

Once you find a parish you like, they will usually advertise RCIA classes in their newsletter/bulletin, or you can simply call or email the parish office (usually in the bulletin) to enquire about RCIA classes. RCIA stands for Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults. It is generally a 9 month class, where you learn more about Catholicism and how to live it out. At any point between signing up and the Easter Vigil, where people in RCIA are brought into the Church either through baptism or confirmation (both if you're getting baptized, but if you already are, just confirmation) you can decide not to become Catholic. If you need more time or if you decide to go with a different Christian Church. Ideally you stick with it, but it unfortunately does happen.

A note about sin and being sorry for it; through baptism we are saved. We have an obligation after that to remain in good standing with God, but we can always get back to good standing with God. The only reason we are alive, or the world exists, or for any of this to be here, is because God loves each and every small part of us, down to the very atoms, immensely, and wills for us to remain here. If God, who is Love, stopped loving us, we would stop existing. Just because it is difficult for us to forgive ourselves, does not mean that God has difficulty forgiving us. God understands our struggles, because "he was made sin so that we might become righteousness" (2 Corinthians 5:21) but he doesn't sin. He was tempted in the desert, and again in the Garden of Gethsemane, but He did not sin, because He is God.

I cannot stress enough how much picking up a Catholic bible is important, and reading the Gospels. I specify Catholic only because the Catholic bible has books in it that Protestant bibles do not. A good translation that I personally like is the New American Bible Revised Edition (NABRE).

Be assured of my prayers and please reach out on or off anon if you need some more encouragement!

[deathmimedream]

Dark Dreams: Cinque

He had gone to sleep hungry.

He was always so hungry, these days.

Hungry, cold, frightened of the world above him, the church he barely remembered as his own.

He didn’t even remember why he was afraid of the clergy above his head, just…that he was.

Sleeping in what had been his burial chamber was hardly comfortable, it was little more than a stone box lined with threadbare blankets, and whatever pillows he had snatched from benches and pews in the church.

He lay, mostly on his back, one, clawed hand holding the edge of his latest prize, a length of torn velvet curtains from a neglected hallway’s window. They were warm, soft…better than the thin blanket and sheet he had been using.

His breathing was deep, soft, and even, as he slept.

He had little concept of time, down here in the darkness.

Sometimes he slept a few moments, others, days on end. His dreams were vivid, terrifying things, memories of his mortal life, but each time he awoke they were elusive as dust.

He was dreaming now, as he rolled to his side, sighing softly into the crook of his arm, blankets sliding down to reveal several old, thin scars along his shoulders, and a puncture wound just under his third rib, angling upwards, along his side.

Another sigh of breath, and the dream deepened.

🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀

‘Honestly, Caro…. I don’t think our church should get involved in this crusade…it’s a fool’s errand to risk innocent lives for a religious cause that is not ours. I know your brother..our brother chose to go, but we cannot risk our faithful’s safety for one man. I am sorry, Bella tessera, but if we go after him in force, it will be our end…’ he held her close, his prime mover, beloved to his heart, though neither could produce an heir, they had two sons who they took in as their own.

One day, they would become Papas too.

His sister’s cries were echoed throughout the chapel, his heart broke to hear them, but Gulietta was only sister of his faith, his heart, but not blood, having lost his true sister and brothers to plague years ago.

The fever he had suffered from it had left him unable to sire an heir, but Milo and Giovanni would be the next in line, else the cardinals would elect someone from one of the other noble bloodlines.

Cinque had no idea the grand imperator and his prime mover, his sweet, beloved Gulietta had plotted his demise, even secretly killing his two adopted children without him knowing.

He held her as she cried into the front of his cassock, trying to soothe her grief.

“I am sure your brother will be fine, Guli. You’ll see, one day he’ll ride right….”

He felt the dagger go in, just under his arm, and had only a heartbeat to wonder: why? And to register its poisoned sting, and he was falling.

He was dead before he hit the floor, already descending to hell.

His own, beloved wife had murdered him, usurping his power as Papa, as well as ending his entire family line as heads of the church.

He’d only been 48…

🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀

Papa Associado Cinque awoke with a gasp, arms hugging around himself as he shivered, one, clawed hand, fingering the scar that had broken his heart…in more ways than one.

[gotyouanyway]

here’s my personal ideal version of what should’ve happened with c’rizz instead of what did happen which i didn’t like

sorry this is so long lmao my brain is broken

so. background bc it was unclear/bad and i’m fixing it:

the church of the foundation believes all things must die. they preach that death = total absolution, salvation, and entrance into the next world. so they kill people who need to be saved whether it’s spiritually (i.e. those that need to be absolved of sin) or more literally (those that need to be saved from danger, illness, etc.). they decide who needs saving and when so yeah they brutally murder people and they’re aware they’re murdering people. killing = killing = saving. but to them it’s necessary and even good. ok. that’s it. no secret projects relating to immortality or building a vessel for dead souls. forget that.

so c’rizz was raised by his father in the church of the foundation and became a monk. a combination of his upbringing, some kind of telepathic sensitivity related to being chameleony, and moderate to severe mental illness lead him to be extremely devout. not only does he believe in the church wholeheartedly, he sometimes hears voices of people asking to be saved and he obliges them (mental illness + church brainwashing) and once he starts killing people he keeps hearing their voices afterwards (telepathic sensitivity, like he does kind of absorb their minds in a chameleon way, but only impressions. they’re not actually there inside him). maybe he (and the others in the church) BELIEVE that he’s saving souls within himself in some way, but not literally. anyway because of this ~communication with the dead, and his devotion and the church/his father’s influence, he becomes the super mudermonk they turned him into. the absolver.

later he meets l’da and all of that stuff happens, she “returns him to sanity” or whatever he said. all of that can stay. now he can draw a line between saving someone and killing them in cold blood (as that IS a difference that exists for him), but he still gets confused sometimes when the delusions flare up. and he still hallucinates. and mostly, he’s happy to use his religion as an excuse to maim people he hates, as a matter of personality. like, he still has his faith, he’s just more mentally stable about it. so much more in touch with reality than when the church was constantly getting up in his head and encouraging his delusions

so then basically everything up to his death can stay the same but within the context that when he says he’s saving someone, he DOES mean in the spiritual or physical sense of rescue and not “saving their soul inside the reliquary of my body”. and, just to reiterate, with the full sound-of-mind understanding that he IS killing and murdering people. like, he always knew that in canon i just can’t put too fine a point on it w/r/t his sanity. his delusions weren’t that he was saving INSTEAD of killing people. his delusions were about who needed to be killed/saved. and he didn’t even experience MANY delusions like that during his time with the doctor, he was more or less stable and just angry. so he leaned back on his faith when threatening and injuring people who harmed him, just bc that’s the way he is as a person. ok uh. um

SO HIS LAST STORY goes something like this -->

1. they land on that planet with all the lost/trapped souls crying out to be saved. c’rizz hears them and oh man he can’t just let them stay trapped, he’s the absolver. he has to save them. 2. he teams up with the guys who are trying to destroy the citadel (or whatever was happening) because he plans to just kill (save) everybody on both sides. the telepathic onslaught makes him start losing it for real 3. the doctor and charley find out what he’s doing. big dramatic scene blah blah blah he finally explains all that ^^ to them. it’s all very intense and they’re kind of horrified and concerned 4. the nature of religious trauma and mental illness are delved into 5. the destruction is immanent, but c’rizz can stop it. it’ll kill him though 6. he does not, at this or any point, turn into any sort of devil creature 7. otherwise the end is the same. the doctor convinces him that he doesn’t have to do what the church programmed him to do and saving their lives is better than “saving” their souls or whatever by killing them 8. he sacrifices himself and dies just the same, but this time with a more satisfying character arc 9. done. easy. someone hire me

[vincent-sinclair-deserved-better]

A Little Bit Of Heaven, A Little Bit Of Hell

I wasn't able to write today because the day drained me and I am frustrated so I'll just split this in two parts I guess (I just want to show it to people asdffgasad)

Characters: Judah (by @bluecoolr), Esther (yet to be introduced? mayhaps?), other minor background characters

Words: 3023

Content warnings: religion/Christianity, religious guilt, bible quotes, it's been years since I was in church so I'm making stuff up as I go, mention of murder - if you need anything else tagged or specifically marked in the text, please let me know

dividers by firefly-graphics

Where my heart becomes free  And my shame is undone 

It was like paradise. 

Or that was what it felt like in comparison to Judah’s home anyway. Sure, most of the people living in Zak would disagree, they were too brainwashed to see what kind of hell they lived in, but he knew. He saw the darkness wherever he looked, the corruption seeping from every nook and cranny, staining everyone and everything. And he knew the source of it, lived with it, the whole house and family tainted by self-righteous lies and false promises. He’d had to get out. 

Carmel was different. People were kind and welcoming from the moment he arrived, there was no one watching his every move or monitoring his words. They weren’t suspicious simply due to him being an outsider. There was no constant underlying threat of severe punishment for making a mistake. And he was treated just like everyone else; he didn’t catch spiteful glances thrown his way, nor was he immune to consequences or exempt from rules. For the first time in years, he felt normal and like an equal member of the community. 

Also, people genuinely liked and respected the Reverend as opposed to being scared or seeming completely enraptured with him. They came to the services because they wanted to and didn’t get anxious if they missed one.

The town had communal gardens, a bakery, a butcher, all the usual things. It was pretty self-sustained and actual money was only rarely used. Mostly for things that had to be bought from out of town; there were a few people who worked in the city and did supply runs. Everyone helped everyone and did whatever work was needed, to the best of their abilities. 

Parents didn’t have to worry about their children getting a place in kindergarten or school since the town had everything. In the community centre, there was a specific area for children who needed to be watched past the time the school ended, and it included free food, activities, and help with homework or studying. Single parents didn’t have to worry about not finding someone to look after and take care of their kids because there was always someone willing to do it. Alternatively, the town had what could probably be most closely compared to boarding schools, where parents who were overwhelmed with childcare could send their children, along with being where orphans lived. Those schools also offered an option for teenage mums to stay and live with their children. 

Carmel also offered full support for people who wanted to move away for whatever reason, from kids wanting to attend college over single adults looking for a job and career to families who wanted a change of scenery. They were supported on every step of the way. No questions, no criticism, no judgement, no objections. 

Everything was perfect. 

So perfect it was outright blinding. 

But things don't always come that easy  And sometimes I would doubt 

He still wasn’t sure if he had actually not seen the signs or if he’d subconsciously ignored them, unwilling to let go of the ideal vision that he’d had in his mind. It was difficult to bring the image of the Reverend’s friendly, helpful brother David into accordance with the devious person Abigail had spent the last half hour describing to him. Still, he couldn’t sense any dishonesty in her voice, and her tearful expression seemed sincere. It pained him to see his usually cheerful and smiling neighbour like this. 

“Please,” she said, “I won’t ask your aid, all I need is for you to not tell on us. Not yet, at least.” 

Some strands of dark hair that had escaped her braid where clinging to her forehead and cheeks, her skin covered in a mix of sweat and tears. She looked tired and scared. Desperate. He was torn, unsure what was the right thing to do. All he had wanted to do was take out the trash and get ready for a lazy evening, lounging on the sofa and watching TV. He hadn’t expected to catch Abigail and Esther, a girl who helped with a lot of community events, climbing out of a window of the neighbouring house. Esther walked over to them, still holding Abigail’s new-born son. The boy had been fussy and crying, so she had taken him to calm him down. 

“They’ll send her to Saint Margaret’s,” she stated simply. The community home for single parents, teenage mums, and struggling families. A good place, build on kindness and compassion. Or so he had thought. 

Judah rubbed his temples, watching the boy who was now looking around the room, his chocolate brown eyes filled with curiosity and innocent wonder, “And you’re sure you can’t just- I mean, surely someone would believe and-” 

There had to be a solution. Something that didn’t involve him lying and going behind other community members’ backs. There had to. But then again, why would they lie? If what he had been taught before was true, why would anyone want to run away? If the people actually were as supportive and kind as he had thought up until now, why would a first-time mother go through the trouble of sneaking out of the hospital with her baby? 

Esther sighed and handed the boy back to his mother, before stepping in front of Judah, looking up at him, “Listen, I know this is a lot to take in, but we don’t have much time. At this point, someone must have noticed her disappearance. They’re probably looking for her already, and it won’t be difficult to figure out that she might want to stop by her former home.” 

“It’s just... it just seems so... harsh. Ostracising someone, sending them away or locking them up I could imagine, but outright murder? It’s against everything we believe in, isn’t it?” he said unsure, questioning, not even knowing whether he was trying to convince himself or not. 

“I can give you proof, okay? I can prove everything she said and more, just not now,” Esther replied and grabbed his hand, her eyes pleading, “Just go to sleep and act like nothing happened. Pray for forgiveness for all I care. This isn’t your... ‘fight’, for the lack of a better word. You don’t have to get involved, and the sooner we get out of here, the smaller the risk of being seen with us.” 

He sighed but nodded, “Alright. I’ll just... I’ll head upstairs, get ready for bed. You do what you must.” 

With that he turned and left before either of the women could say another word. When he reached his bedroom, he just sat down on his bed, not even bothering to turn on the light. He just stared into the darkness. This was the exact kind of stuff he had been running from. Secrecy and lies, fear and betrayal. Death. But it seemed like it was impossible; no matter how idyllic a place looked on the surface, corruption spread its tendrils everywhere, slipping through the smallest cracks in people’s faith and seeping into their hearts. 

And, contrary to everything he thought he had known, if what the women had said was true, things here were even worse than back home. 

Back home? 

This thought gave him pause, ripping him out of his contemplation. This was his home. It had been for almost a year now, and that’s what he had thought and felt about it as well. The town, the people, the house – this was his home. The community was his community, his family. 

He hadn’t thought of Zak as home in years. It’d been the place he lived, where he was stuck, trapped – his own personal hell. Zak had not been home. It wasn’t home. How could it be? It was led by a bunch of murderers. 

Just like Carmel, apparently. 

His heart clenched at the thought and his chest hurt. His head hurt too. It was too much, everything was too much, and for the first time since he was a child he went to sleep without proper prayer. All he could muster the energy to do were a few sentences mumbled under his breath, before he lied down and slipped under the blanket. He didn’t even change into his pyjamas. 

My life  I know it’s never really been mine   So do with it whatever You like   

Judah had expected there to be some kind of agitation or restlessness the next day, some consequence for what had happened last night – instead everything was as calm and peaceful as always. Nothing had changed. As he stood in the kitchen, waiting for the water to boil, he wondered if it had all just been a dream. Back in Zak someone would’ve already come knocking at the door, ready to take him in for questioning. Nothing escaped Darrell and “The Zakkaites” attention. But there was no knocking, no doorbell, no calls. 

Despite feeling exhausted, he did manage to get dressed and attend the 12 o’clock service, half expecting people to give him judgemental or knowing looks, but everyone just smiled at him. Kindness and trust.  

Proverbs 28:13 – Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy. 

He sat down next to the baker, a woman named Sarah, and tried to calm down. At this rate, people were bound to figure out that something is wrong, it was basically written in his face. As if on cue, Sarah nudged him, “Are you alright? You are looking pale.” 

“Yeah, I just didn’t sleep well,” he replied, which technically wasn’t a lie. 

Sarah nodded and squeezed his hand, “Maybe try and take a nap once you’re back home. You deserve some rest.” 

Luke 8:17 – For all that is secret will eventually be brought into the open, and everything that is concealed will be brought to light and made known to all.   

The service seemed to pass in the blink of an eye while also seeming to last forever. The Reverend had talked about guilt and regret and penance. About how everyone could be forgiven. Judah was ready to go and ask if the Reverend had a moment, that he needed to tell him something, but before he had the chance someone grabbed his arm. 

“You ready to talk?” Esther said, piercing blue eyes seemingly staring right into his soul. 

“Actually, I was going to-” he began, but she cut him off, “Great, let’s go then.” 

With that, she turned around and pulled him with her. He was to stunned to react at first, and didn’t want to draw attention to them either. 

“Esther, wait. We can’t just- I can’t just keep quiet about this. It’s wrong,” he said, managing to pull his arm from her grasp and stop. Esther turned to look at him, then their surroundings, and nodded towards an alley, “Can we at least not do this in the middle of the road?” 

He sighed, “Yeah, sure.” 

They went to the side of the road, just far enough to be out of immediate earshot while also remaining fairly inconspicuous. 

“So, what is it? Did all the talk about sin and forgiveness affect you, or were you planning to run off to the Reverend all along?” Esther said, an edge to her voice that almost felt hostile, but was really just bitterness. He felt sorry for her, wondering if her mind was perhaps being affected by guilt she wasn’t aware she was carrying. 

“I hadn't really made up my mind going in, I wasn’t sure whether all of last night’s... happenings were actually real or just a dream,” he said slowly, “But the Reverend did bring up some good points. Relatable points. Like, I think it was Psalms 32:3-4, ‘When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy on me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer.’ - don’t you feel that at all?” 

She scoffed, “No. And I strongly doubt David and the Reverend’s other brothers care much about confessing their own wrongdoings either.” 

“But it isn’t our place to judge,” Judah replied, “That’s up to the Lord.” 

“Isaiah 1:17 – ‘Learn to do right; seek justice, rescue the oppressed, defend the orphan, plead for the widow.’” Esther said, “Widows like Abigail. Orphans like the children whose mothers pass in that cursed birth house because if they aren’t deemed worthy, they only receive minimal care. They let people die there, Judah.” 

Psalm 120:2 – Save me, Lord, from lying lips and from deceitful thoughts.   

“I’m sorry, Esther, but that’s just really hard to believe,” he said, unable to meet her eyes. 

Some people had gathered in front of the café just a little down the road, watching their quiet but agitated discussion. Esther clenched her jaw and leaned closer, forcing him to look at her, “So let me speak. Tell you what I know, the other perspective. Just hear me out, or are you so unsure in your faith that you worry you could be this easily deceived? If what I say is untrue, don’t you think you’d be able to tell?” 

“If what you say is true it would only prove that I have been deceived already, so how could I trust my own judgement?” he replied, frowning at his insecurity. 

“Whatever. If you don’t want to listen, I can’t make. If you prefer to stay blissfully oblivious, be my guest. And if your ‘guilt’ is so much you insist on running off to the Reverend, sure. They’ll be grateful, and whatever will happen to me... well, I have no regrets. I only do what I deem to be right and just. And if I could go back in time, I’d do it all over again,” Esther stepped away from him and straightened her posture, putting on a neutral expression, “Just one more thing for you to consider: Proverbs 11:13 – ‘A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret’. Make of that what you will.”   

Everything I once held dear  I count it all as lost 

Hearing his brother’s words come from Esther’s mouth was like a punch to the gut, and he kept staring at the space she had stood even after she had left. He felt sick. How could it be that the past he had so desperately tried to escape from and forget was catching up to him now? Did Esther know Darrell, or was it just chance? He didn’t know what to believe anymore, his thoughts and feelings in complete disarray, and he prayed for some kind of sign that would show him the right way. 

The touch of a hand on his shoulder snapped him out of his thoughts and his gaze met Sarah’s worried expression, “Judah, dear, are you alright? You really aren’t looking well.” 

He just stared at her for a moment and opened his mouth to speak, but no words came. 

Sarah gently took his arm and lead him across the street, towards the café, “Come, take a seat and have a glass of water. Take a moment to calm down, you seem troubled.” 

“I- yeah, that’s probably a good idea,” he replied, voice raspy and almost inaudible. 

They found a table right by the window, and the small crowd that had formed dispersed on Sarah and Judah’s arrival. He still felt eyes on him, people watching while walking out. He told himself they were just concerned for his well-being, but it didn’t feel quite right. 

It didn’t even take five minutes for a glass of water to be brought while Sarah sat across from him, holding his hand and keeping a watchful eye on him. It was only when he picked up the glass to take a sip that he realised he was shaking, but thankfully Sarah didn’t comment. He didn’t feel like talking about his past. He didn’t even want to think about it. 

“You really shouldn’t spend too much time with Esther,” Sarah said, gentle voice having a surprisingly serious edge to it. 

He met her gaze, brows furrowed in confusion, “Why not?” 

“She’s a bad influence. Hiding it well, though,” the older woman replied, “Her parents have been trying to rein her in for years now, but despite acting all nice and proper on the surface, people know she’s secretly up to no good.” 

“But... isn’t she one of the main people planning the gardens? And doing a lot of tutoring in the community centre?” 

Sarah sighed, “As I said, she is hiding it well. Just, be careful. Don’t blindly believe what she says, and be prepared for her trying to use her past as a means to gain you sympathy.” 

The way Sarah was talking about and describing Esther was so different from what he had seen and her tone rubbed him the wrong way. Despite trying to keep her voice concerned and caring, there was clear judgement. Especially the last part of her sentence sounded almost deprecating. “Her past? What about it?” 

“Her older siblings died in a car accident when she was fourteen, she didn’t take it well and started acting up afterwards, running away and doubting the Lord. It got better – or at least more subdued – once she turned eighteen,” she explained, turning to wistfully look out of the window, “She used to be such a good girl, you know? Well behaved, polite, gentle, earnest. Then her sister started getting into her head, telling the poor child Lord-knows-what. The accident was the last straw, and no matter how well she pretends to have returned to that innocent and pious girl she used to be... it is hard to believe. People don’t just change overnight. There’s still something wrong with her, that I am certain of.” 

Judah’s stomach twisted, every single word making the feeling stronger, and by the time Sarah had finished speaking, he was feeling nauseated. No matter how hard the older woman had tried to obscure her acrimony towards Esther, attempting to cover it behind pretend compassion and melancholy, it had seeped through, her words dripping resentment. In all the time he had been here, he had never seen anyone express such negativity. Maybe it was a slip-up on Sarah’s part, or maybe he hadn’t paid attention. Either way, he wanted to get out and have some space to think. 

tag? tag: @probably-a-plant-thing @solmints-messyocdiary @visceravalentines @goldrose-star @rottent33th @immortal-velociraptor @myers-meadow @ace-of-hearts-and-spades

remember, remember, the fifth of November to tell me if you don't want to be tagged, I know all the AU and OC stuff isn't for everyone, not everyone cares about all OCs etc. I won't be offended, promise <3