#he’s ashamed of this very very short phase

[ursamajori]

[id: a photograph of two older women at a ranch wearing blue jeans, short sleeved button down shirts, and cowboy hats. they are looking at each other lovingly with huge grins on their faces. /end id]

Yall wanna hear a kinda funny, kinda sad story about my grandmother and hetero-normativity?

Ok, so... when my grandmother was in her 50s (I was an infant), she met a woman at the Unitarian Church. And, as can happen when you meet your soul mate, this event made it impossible for her to deny parts of herself that she had fiercely hidden her whole life.

All the drama- their affair being found out, the divorce with my grandfather, the court battle over who got the house, happened while I was a baby. Even in my earliest memories, it's just Mama Jo and Oma, and my grandfather lived elsewhere (first his own apartment, then a nursing home, then with us.)

But here's the thing- no one ever explained any of this to me. No one ever sat down and was like "hey, Rosie, so do you know what a lesbian is?" It was the 90s. It was Texas. I think my mom was still kinda processing all this, and just assumed that like... I was gonna figure it out. Don't mention it, let it just be normal. Like I think my mom thought that if she explained the situation, she would be making it weird? I dunno.

But like. In the 90s, in all the movies I had seen and books I had read, do you know how many same sex couples I had seen? Like. 0. Do you know how many "platonic best friend/roommates" I had seen? A lot. I had no context, is what I'm saying.

I literally thought this was a Golden Girls, roommates, besties situation until I was like...I dunno, 11? 12?

It was actually their parrot, an African Grey named Spike, imitating my grandmothers voice saying "Johanna, honey, it's getting late", that triggered the MIND BLOWN moment as I realized that *there's only one master bedroom and it only has 1 waterbed* when all the pieces finally clicked.

Anyway. I think it's a real important thing for kids to know queer people exist, for a lot of reasons, but also because kids can be clueless and it's embarrassing to have your grandmother be outted by a parrot because everyone just thought you'd figure it out on your own.

Anyway, here is my grandma and her wife, Oma, after they moved to Albuquerque to be artsy gay cowboys and live their best life. They helped run a "Lesbian Dude Ranch" out there (basically just with funding and financial support. As Oma has explained "traditionally, most lesbians don't have a lot of money" so they wrote the checks and let the younger ladies actually run the ranch.)

[dude-boi]

Fantasies.

6.6k words.

Summary: Joel, your dad's best friend, should not be thinking of you the way he has been, shamelessly. What happens when he grows tired of your incessant teasing?

 Warnings: Not proofread. No Ellie! SMUT. Hefty age gap (Joel is around 50, the reader is around 22)... unprotected p in v... praise, fingering, mirror sex, slight masturbation.  Also, the reader has light insomnia. Tbh, I want to make a second part to this but we'll see. 

--------------------- Joel Miller. Your dad's best friend/ business partner. Your dad and he work together on some business, one you had no idea about (though you rightfully assumed smuggling). But you didn't dare ask any questions, because it kept you all safe and kept a hefty amount of rations on the table. He's been around for as long as you can remember, watching you grow up into the young woman you are now. You both didn't talk much, but you were used to seeing him around all the time, your dad couldn't do anything without him.

  So, when you found yourself thinking of Joel at 2 A.M with your hand between your thighs and soft pants escaping your lips, you couldn't help but feel a little ashamed, even if you were of age. In all twenty-two years of your life, you'd always have some kind of interest towards Joel. It started out innocently, how any little girl would have a wholesome infatuation towards a someone who'd show her attention. But it developed into something else, something more taboo. It felt wrong to think of him like that, to imagine it was his thick, calloused fingers pumping into you instead of your own, to imagine him taking  your innocence, your purity, your virginity. The thought of someone so close to you, someone so much older  taking care of you and making you feel good just turned you on so much more. He wasn't an ugly man, by any means. In fact, he might've been the hottest man you've ever seen. Everything about him was just right. His salted hair, his gruff beard, his nose, the scar on it, his built arms, the way he stays close to you when your dad forces you to go exploring with him, his accent. Oh god the accent, it just ties everything up with a little bow.

  As you curled your fingers in and out of you, you couldn't help but imagine Joel calling you darlin' or sugar, little nicknames he'd given you through your childhood. Images of his arms flashed through your head. Images of him sitting here, fingering you as he praised you, calling you baby girl, and saying how good you're doing. You couldn't hold yourself back any longer, cumming around your own fingers as you softly gasped out his name, a mantra of Joel, Joel, Joel  filling your own ears.

  The euphoria you felt after was indescribable, but it was tainted with the feeling of guilt, but it made it all the more delicious. 

-----

You weren't surprised to find Joel sitting at your breakfast table the very next morning. He was over at your house, a lot.  It was a casual thing, he'd be on the couch with your dad discussing work stuff and spend the night in the guest room next to yours. A part of you had silently wished he could hear you touching yourself, mewling and calling out to him. The idea of getting caught made it all the more better.

  So seeing him eating a bowl of cereal in a dark brown t-shirt at 8:45 in the morning didn't phase you at all, but it did make you self conscious as you were suddenly hyper-aware of your body in a tank top and shorts. And clearly so was Joel, the way his gaze hardened as his eyes lingered. He looked up at you through his eyebrows, his spoon just leaving his mouth as he swallowed.

  "Mornin'," he told you, finishing up his food. He wasn't a man of many words, his eyes did the work for him. And right now, he couldn't keep them to himself. You smiled after remembering what you did last night, thinking of him while you did.

  Keeping eye contact, you replied with a soft grin. "Hey, Joel." Your stomach churned and stirred as you thought about what would happen if he found out about your... fantasies. And your fears were apparent on your face as you poured yourself a glass of water in the kitchen.

  Joel noticed your discomfort, and he decided to pry. "Ya' look rough." He raised a brow in curiosity. His arm flexed as he stood up with his bowl in hand, walking towards you in the kitchen. He was putting away his dish. You chuckled nervously, thinking back to your scandalous events the previous night. You felt your face grow warm. "Gee thanks." You replied in a sarcastic yet monotone tone. "Just worn out, didn't sleep till like 2."

"Well, that's no good. You're gon' be tired today then." He tutted, sounds of tsk tsk tsk leaving his lips as he internally reprimanded you for not taking care of yourself.

  You tilted your head as he turned around to face you, he leaned against the counter too. He dried his wet hands on his tee. "Today? What's today?" It sounded like there were plans you were unaware of.

  "Daddy didn't tell you?" He crossed his arms as he sighed, looking at you. You both were staring at each other and if you didn't know any better, you would've sworn he looked you up and down.

You shook your head, still confused. "No?"

  Shaking his head, Joel told you about the plan your dad had come up with. "'He wanted me to take you out today, says you can't be home for a couple hours." You were confused, why couldn't you be home?

  "Why not? Is this work-related?" You asked, knowing if it was, you would go with Joel no questions asked. You would've gone with him regardless.

  He nodded a nod of affirmation, clearing up your doubts. Your father would have people over to discuss business or to give things to people and he didn't want you around for it, valid. You sighed, wanting to have a lazy day, but you didn't complain.

  "Where are they, anyway?" You noticed how you hadn't seen them all morning.

 "They had to run out and grab a few things f' the meeting." It annoyed you how your parents would always meet with smuggling clients in your own home. Whatever.

He had told you to go and get ready and you obliged. 

  "Where are we going?" You questioned, swearing it would be your last question.

  "Just out, drive around."

  You nodded again before leaving the kitchen. You could barely keep it together. The second you turned around, you bit your lip to stay quiet, afraid that you would scream if you didn't. He had that effect on you. But you were unaware of the way Joel adjusted his jeans as he watched you stride back up the stairs in those tiny shorts. 

  You took a quick shower, slipped on a pair of jean shorts and a white t-shirt that was a size too small for you, because God knows your true intentions with Joel. You paused in front of the vanity that lay across the foot of your bed. You brushed your hair down and smoothed your shirt. You just wanted to look good for him, was it a crime? As you trotted back downstairs, he looked up at you from the couch and bit the inside of his cheek. You almost missed his action, but you didn't as you bit back a sly smile.

  His eyes shifted around the room before he stood up and grabbed his flannel. You both stepped out to the front door to slip on your shoes. You clung onto Joel's arm for stability as you put your boots on, he clenched his jaw. He had to control himself. Joel unlocked his truck and opened the passenger side door for you, what a gentleman. Before you knew it, you both were off.

  A CD played quietly as you both wallowed in comfortable silence, it was a silence you'd grown to love and look forward to over the years. He wasn't a very vocal person, but you didn't mind that. The windows were open and the sun beamed down onto your face, illuminating your features softly. You looked over to Joel who had one hand on the wheel and the other out the window. He looked tantalizing, provocative, almost. The way his jaw was clenched, how the top two buttons on his shirt were unbuttoned, how he looked so concentrated as his chest rose and fell, the way his hair got all fluffed up by the wind, the way he tapped his fingers on the wheel to the beat of the song. His fingers. Those same large fingers you'd dream about. The scene was almost pornographic, you wanted to scream.

  You ogled him, and it didn't go unnoticed. He peeked over at you and then looked back to the road. "What?" You heard him, but you weren't listening. His words sounded like muffled noises as you waded in your explicit daydream. Joel put his left on the steering and waved his right in front of your face. That snapped you out of it.

  "Oh, yeah. Sorry-" He raised a brow and you stared at him, a sultry stare. "Just tired," You gave a half-assed answer, hoping it would please him. Looking back down into your lap, you smoothed down your shirt.

"What're you doing up so late?" he interrogated. It put you in a weird spot. You obviously couldn't tell him what you were actually doing, so you tried your best to tell as much as you can. You would always try to avoid lying to Joel, partially because it made you feel bad but mostly because he could tell. He could read you and your body language too well.

  "I don't know. It gets lonely, and I can't sleep. You know, the norm'." You chuckled softly, but you weren't lying. It really does get lonely and there's not much you can do about it. And you've struggled with sleep recently, insomnia creeping up on you with age. You've mentioned it before, but not how it keeps you up for hours.

  "You gotta take care of yourself. You're not... a kid anymore." he huffed, he wouldn't say it out loud but he felt this urge, an urge to take care of you and keep you under his wing forever, keep you his girl forever. But he can't do that, can he? How could he feel this kind of way towards his best friends daughter? He would catch his eyes loitering over you when you emerged from your bedroom in your shorts and tee, and he could feel his heart beat every time you looked up at him with soft eyes, thanking him for whatever gesture he'd do for you. Because that's all Joel did, help help help, give give give. Joel felt something for you in a way he didn't think was possible for him ever again. He felt ashamed  in the best way possible.

"I've got you, don't I?" You joked, snorting a bit. You peered over at him to see his reaction. His jaw clenched as he forced out a tiny smile ."Uh huh, yeah." 

  -----

Joel had pulled over for a bit to take a break. You were on some empty bridge over a lake, the scenery was beautiful. He had brought water, which you very desperately needed. The summer heat seared your skin, moisture droplets pooling in the dips of your body.

Your hands found their way to the cupholder by Joel's thigh. Although you wanted to place your hand on his leg and inch it higher, your controlled your urges and grabbed the water bottle instead of his dick. You unscrewed the cap, tilted your head back, and opened your mouth to waterfall the water into your mouth. Joel observed the way you licked your lips before drinking, the way your throat bobbed up and down upon swallowing, the way rogue droplets of water trickled down the corner of your mouth down to your throat, and if they were lucky, into your shirt and onto your chest. You peeked over at Joel. You almost choked on your water after seeing he was staring. A lightbulb flickered above your head as you had what seemed like a great idea. You "accidentally" spilled water onto your shirt and watched it cling to your breasts, the color of your bra fading in slightly.

 "Ah shit. I'm sorry-" you apologized before Joel grunted and mumbled incoherently before lifting himself off the seat and reaching into the backseat over the center console. His shirt lifted slightly, revealing the waistband of his boxers under his jeans. He grunted again while he grabbed something and gave it to you, a rag. You thanked him and watched him as your rubbed it against your chest. You decided to have a little fun with it, make it antagonizing, painful. His eyes met yours and he watched as a twinkle of mischief appeared. You hands squeezed the rag as you rubbed it against your body, slowly.

It angered Joel. It angered him in a different way. It angered him to see you sitting here, driving him up a wall when he'd rather he fucking you against one instead. He was angry at the world for making this beautiful girl in front of him his best friend's daughter. What he wouldn't give to just grab your face.

 You held back a smirk as you placed the rag on Joel's lap after finishing "drying" yourself. It wasn't very dry obviously, but it was good enough. Still not done, you picked up the bottle again. But this time, you put your mouth on it. Your blushed lips wrapped around the head of the bottle as you took one last gulp as Joel watched your throat bob.

 You left a hefty amount for Joel as you pulled it away from your lips, the smallest string of spit connecting to your lips and the bottle. Bringing it back down to hand to him, you bit the inside of your cheek. You noticed how his eyes were already on you before you looked, it made you swell with hope and delusion. But you weren't crazy. He was looking, staring, scanning, analyzing your every move. It was a habit of his, something he'd learn to do when his life was always in danger. But he used it for other purposes, like looking at the beautiful young woman next to him.  

He took the bottle from your hand with no words exchanged, your fingers brushing against his momentarily. The contradiction between both of your fingers was almost electric, your soft fingers against his rugged digits, your petite hand against his broad one. His eyes found yours again. He decided to play your little game with you. He watched you intently as he wrapped his lips around the bottle, the bottle you just had your mouth on. His free hand gripped the rag you tossed at him. 

He enjoyed this little game you played with him, and this wasn't the first time either. The amount of times you'd brush your knee against his, graze your fingers against his shoulder, look at him pathetically when you were bored. And now that he had the chance to reciprocate it without anyone around, he felt like he could have you wrapped around his little finger. It felt wrong, but he couldn't care less.

 You clenched your thighs together as you watched him wrap his chapped lips around your spit-ridden bottle. Did he know what he was doing to you? 

Deciding to have mercy on you, he put the bottle back down in the cupholder. Joel got out of the car, his excuse being to get some fresh air, but in reality he needed to adjust his half-hard cock. You threw your head back in the seat and splayed your arm across your face while something between a sigh and a groan exuded out of you. Your thighs instinctively rubbed together in hopes to soothe the dull ache forming. This was probably the hottest thing you've experienced in your entire lifetime, which you thought was embarrassing. Being 22 and a virgin having done absolutely nothing, but Joel having experience made it all the worth while. You would always imagine that he'd take care of you, teach you the ropes, show you how to touch yourself while-

"What happened t' you?" Joel interrupted your thoughts as he popped up at your window. You jumped took your hand off your face, looking to him as your thighs stopped moving. 

"Jesus, Joel." You shook your head, a hand resting on your chest.

 "Didn't mean to scare ya', pretty." 

Pretty. 

He must've noticed your reaction with the way he chuckled. It was a deep, guttural sound. He walked around front, grabbing his aching back to get back in the driver seat as you sat up in the seat, embarrassed, somewhat turned on, and ready to go home. Joel glanced at his watch before starting up his truck once more. 

"Your daddy should be done now," was all he said before you both drove off to your place of shelter.

 ----- 

That evening was pretty uneventful. After Joel brought you home, you had thanked him with the softest smile and the most twinkling eyes you could conjure up, your last attempt to rile him up. You went up into your room to take a nap until dinner, assuming it would just be you and your parents tonight.

 However, that was not the case. Joel was there, he stayed for dinner. On a normal occasion, dinner with Joel made you all giddy and excited, but not today. Not after you saw how Joel reciprocated your stupid little game. It made your stomach churn, in both a good and bad way, you couldn't decide.

 At the little circular dining table, Joel took a seat next to you, your mother next him, and your father next to her which brought him seated right next to you. You couldn't help it as your leg bounced, a form of excitement settling in.

 Dinner started off normally, passing around food as your father made conversation to Joel about the meeting. Your mother would occasionally include her input, which left you sitting there all quiet. 

"He wants to meet again next week. Both of us." Your father voiced to Joel as he nodded, his eyes flickering beside him to look at you. They went on, talking about god knows what and junk you couldn't care less about.

 In a world like this it was easy to feel neglected, unseen, lonely. Even with all these people surrounding you. So when your lip twitched while you poked at your food, Joel noticed. He interrupted your dad and mom to reel you into their conversation.

"We had fun today." Joel sounded. His voice was so gruff yet so smooth. "Me and you, right?" He looked up at you through his eyebrows, a thin grin falling upon his lips as he remembered your events of the day.

Caught off-guard, you lifted your head up and looked around the table to see all eyes on you. "Hmm? Oh, yeah. Was a beautiful drive." You couldn't care less about the drive, Joel was the only beautiful thing in your eyes for miles. 

"Is that right, sweetie? I'm glad it wasn't boring. She didn't bother you, did she Joel?" Your mother smiled warmly at you before turning her attention back to Joel, who seemed to be thinking, reminiscing. A smirk played onto his face as he stared at you and then her. 

"Shes a good girl. Not too much." He told her playfully. But he lied, you got him all hot and bothered. 

-----

Dinner felt like an eternity. You couldn't even hold your appetite the way Joel made you feel. You wished for it to be over so you could just lock yourself in your room till morning. It felt like a dream, the whole day was absolutely unreal in the best way possible. To make your day even longer, your mother had offered to let Joel stay for the night, again. It's not like he had anywhere better to be. He was like a permanent fixture in your home, he had that designated guest room next to you and everything. 

You finished your dinner as soon as possible and tried to leave upstairs when your mother stopped you. "Be polite, could you please clean up the dishes?" she asked you, slightly jerking her head towards Joel to tell you to be a nice host. You spat out a smile and a slightly annoyed nod before you got up to collect plates. Instead of going to Joel first, you picked up your dad's, then your mother's and then Joel's. You leaned over by his shoulder almost into his lap, giving him a slight view of your breasts. He was so close to you, you could smell him and he could smell you. His jaw twitched as he started to grind his teeth. His breath was shallow and he had no expression on his face. Your hair brushed his shoulder as you got back up, giving Joel a cute little smile. He smiled back, but it wasn't genuine, you could tell. He adjusted the napkin on his lap, attempting to hide something. 

You turned around and walked back to the kitchen with a little pep in your step, ecstatic that you almost made him break. As soon as you were in the kitchen and away from the table, you let out a snort. Humming, you rinsed and washed each dish slowly, taking your sweet, sweet time. That was until someone had found their way to the kitchen, and that someone was Joel. 

You decided to pay no mind to it and continue washing. He grabbed your shoulder and spun you around, causing you to let go of the dish into the sink. With soapy hands, you balanced yourself by grabbing the ledge behind you.

 "The hell ya' think you're doin'?" His expression was unreadable. His teeth were clenched and his brows were furrowed. Even in a moment like this, when his body is almost pressed against yours and your back is digging into the edge of the sink, you still couldn't help but notice how good he looks. The wrinkles and smile lines against his sun kissed skin show cased his life, his experiences, his hardened past.  

"What are you talking about?" You shook your head and lied, this was fun. You crossed your wet arms, once again wetting your shirt. 

"Oh please. Ya' think I don't know what you're tryin'? Pickin' up the dishes, the water bottle, the shirt. I might be old, but 'm not stupid, darlin'." 

Darlin'. You swore if he called you anything else besides your name you would tie your hair up and get on your knees now. You just snorted before turning back around to finish up washing the dishes. Your ass was ghosting against his crotch. He took a step back, angrily. "Joel, please. I haven't done anything. Think your just imagining shit." All you heard was a scoff before he exited the kitchen, and you let out a breath you didn't even know you were holding.

 -----

Around 12 A.M, you were up in your room in a short nightgown, reading some book to get your mind off of things. Today's events were wayyy different than any other interaction with Joel, it kind of excited you. Knowing he was next door just made you more nervous, yet excited.

God you were so turned on, so so riled up. Assuming Joel was asleep, you had tossed your book to the side of your bed and settled against your headboard comfortably. The walls were thin, you knew that. But Joel was an older man, he would sleep through anything. That's what you convinced yourself as you slipped your hand back between your thighs, rubbing softly just like the night before. Soft mewls filled your own ears as the familiar burn in your stomach formed, your fingers rubbing harsh circles on your clit. Taking it further, your slipped a finger inside, a pant leaving your lips. 

"Shit... Joel.." You tried so hard to whisper, and you thought you did, until someone knocked on your door. You stopped dead in your tracks, the noise startling you. There was another knock, a bit louder. You slipped out of bed and wiped your sticky hand off on a towel that was hanging on your closet door before going up to open the door. 

For fuck's sake. It was Joel. This made your heart sink slightly, what if he had heard? Why was he even awake? Before you could even open your mouth to question him, he pushed past the half-cracked door and shut it behind him, locking it as well. 

"What the hell, Joel?" you inquired, angry that you were interrupted and embarrassed to be standing here in your short little nightgown. It made you feel childish. 

He didn't say anything, just studied you up and down before taking a step closer, like you both were in the kitchen, bodies pressed up against each other. "Trouble sleepin'?" His face was hard to read. He looked.. amused? You shook your head in disbelief, trying to come up with an answer. As you opened your mouth to answer, he cut you off. "'F you're gonna lie to me, don't bother speaking," You closed your mouth quickly, caught off guard. Bingo, he got you there. He looked smug, smug that he finally was getting you back after all those times. He leaned down and in, his face right in front of yours with your breaths swirling together between your lips. He moved again, this time leaning into your ear to whisper, "Because we both know what you were doin' in here. Right? Touchin' yourself, moanin' my name, you think I couldn't hear you? 'M surprised the whole house didn't wake up to you sayin' my name like that." This was the most he's ever said anything to you in one go. So he did hear you, he heard you all those nights youd fantasized about him fucking you into oblivion. Your face flushed hot. Incredibly humiliated, you looked down, staring down at your bare toes as Joel kept his lips near your ear. "What happened to that confidence, girl? What about that stunt you pulled in front of your parents? Where's that little loud mouth?" He chuckled dryly as his rough, large hands found their place at your chin. Those same hands you'd fantasize about were holding your chin between two fingers and lifting it up to look Joel in the eye. "Poor girl... she's 'mbarrassed..." was all he said before holding your hand and leading you to the edge of your bed.

He sat down on it with legs slightly spread as he patted his lap, gesturing you to sit. Ohmygodohmygodohmygod, was all that ran through your head as you sat on his lap, back flush against his chest as you both were facing your vanity. From the reflection of the mirror, you could see Joel smiling, brushing hair behind your ear. He was tantalizing, slow, and it was killing you. You wanted him to put his hands anywhere he wanted, but he's being careful, precise. Getting impatient, you let out something between a whine and a Joel. He was amused. You started to grind on him in a pathetic attempt to tarnish that familiar ache in your lower belly. With a laugh, Joel's hands found their way to your knees, spreading them apart while he made sure you were watching in the mirror. Your dim, warmly lit room cast an orange tint over you both, Joel's silver hair glistening in it.

He spread your legs open and flipped your gown up above your hips, revealing your cotton panties underneath. If you knew this would've happened, you would've worn something cuter. You looked away from the mirror, embarrassed for what felt like the hundredth time tonight.  

He noticed your embarrassment and your attempt to hide it.

"Well aren't these cute." He said, talking about your untouched, white panties. 

"Oh please." You slightly rolled your eyes, biting the inside of your cheek as you looked down to his hands that traced lines up your bare thighs and to your core. He stopped touching you and you looked into the mirror to make eye contact with him. 

"You gonna gimmie an attitude? 'Cause I'll leave you here all hot 'n bothered, just like you did to me." 

"No, I'm sorry, Joel please," you whined, he had you begging before he barely even touched you. 

"You gonna be good?" 

"So good." That was all you whispered before Joel split your legs apart farther while his left hand wrapped around your stomach, both keeping you in place and keeping your nightgown up. His right hand settled between your wide legs, messing with the hem of your panties before simply pushing them to the side, revealing your glistening cunt. 

A satisfied, mmh noise left Joel's throat his middle finger prodded around, gathering slick between your slit and dragging it up to your clit. You gasped, the feeling being much better than you could ever dream of. His fingers rubbed up and down your folds, his thick finger softly rubbing your clit in small circles.

You could see it all, see your cunt and his finger wet and glistening, see the way his jaw clenches as he watches himself touch you, you could see it all in the mirror. You saw the way his middle finger disappeared inside you and re-appeared before it disappeared once more. You saw the way your mouth fell into a loose 'o' shape as his thumb simultaneously prodded at your clit. 

As the pressure built up in your lower belly, Joel added his ring finger. You clenched around him as he curled his fingers inside of you, thumb still on your clit. You looked away from the mirror, unable to stay focused as the the wet squelching filled your ears and you stomach burned. 

He let go of your stomach and brought his hand up to your face as the gown flipped back over his hand fucking into you, gripping it harshly and turning it back towards the mirror. "Keep watchin'." He was stern, you were aware of that by the way squeezed your face before letting go, flipping your gown back up. All of this while simultaneously fucking you with his fingers. It was magical. Your own fingers never felt this way, they didn't make you squirm like he did or make you whine as loud. They didn't make you cum like this either. Your moans got higher as his fingers pushed in and out of you faster, your orgasm approaching. You squirmed so much, so Joel's left hand held you in place tightly. His grip almost hurt. 

"'S alright, let it go baby." He mumbled so quietly you almost missed it. 

Feeling it upon you, you almost yelped, but Joel clapped his left hand over your mouth and held it shut tightly, your moans disappearing into his palm. Your jaw went slack as the knot in your stomach unraveled, coating Joel's fingers white. He let out a satisfied hum as he rode out your orgasm, your legs shaking ever so slightly. It was intense. Your head was reeling as Joel prompted you to look at the mirror, and you did. You saw yourself on his lap breathing heavily and a mess on his jeans and fingers. He wiped his fingers off on his jeans before holding both your shoulder and helping you up, holding you while you found your balance. 

You gripped on to his arm while he stood in front of you, smoothing down your gown. You peered up at him through your lashes and he looked down at you. You felt like you had to do something for him after he did this for you, you had to help him out too, right? Assuming so, you got down on your knees while keeping eye contact the whole time. As soon as your knees hit the cold floor, you held onto his calves and peered up at him. 

"I've never... never done this before." You bit your lip as your face turned red with that confession. He laughed dryly, rubbing one of your cheeks with his thumb.

"Oh get up." He held you by your shoulders and brought you back onto your feet. "'S your first time, 'm not gonna make you do that. Maybe next time." He continued to chuckle. 

Next time. 

Joel had pushed you back onto the bed softly, the back of your knees hit your plush sheets. You plopped onto the bed with your knees supporting you up and your legs hung off the edge as Joel slotted himself between your knees. He just gazed upon you, watched the way the warm light lit up your cheeks. You did the same, you watched his hungry eyes dart up and down your body, the way his white hair lay all messed up, the first two buttons on his shirt unbuttoned and his shoulders hunched and probably aching. His hands found the edge of your nightgown and he pulled it over your head and tossed it to the side, drinking in your beautiful body. He ran his hands up and down your soft skin, remembered every curve and dip. 

You couldn't wait any longer. Panting heavily, you grabbed the his belt and pulled him down so your hips were touching. You squeezed your thighs together to relieve the feeling that was building up once again. 

"So eager." Was all he mumbled before he was undoing his belt and slipping his jeans down to his knees, revealing his boxers and his hard bulge. Just by the looks of it, he was huge. There was a small wet patch on his boxers where his precum leaked out. Your mouth hung open as Joel watched your face while he slowly pulled down his boxers. It wouldn't fit. No way. He was too fucking big. It sprung out and slapped against his stomach, curving ever so slightly to the left. Not only was it long, it was thick too, it would definitely hurt. 

"It won't fit, no way. I've never done this before, Joel there's no way it'll-" he cut you off.

"We'll make it fit." That had shut you up. Whatever Joel said, goes. You didn't dare talk back to him now, not after seeing what he could do to you. With his knee, he pushed your knees apart and cupped your cheek with his gruff hand. He just watched you as he bent over, cock brushing against your bare, sticky thigh. You laid on the bed all sprawled out, heavy breath and messy hair, ready to do whatever Joel wanted you to. 

Lodging the tip of his cock inside you, he held onto your waist with one hand while he used his other to support himself up. 

"Pleaseee Joel." You pleaded, not being able to wait anymore. He didn't need anymore convincing. He practically hurled himself forward, thrusting inside of you as his cock stretched you out painfully. Your instinct was to clench around him to ease the pain but it didn't help. You were squirming and whimpering, the pain felt like you were being split in half. Joel grunted as he slipped inside. You were pulsing around him impossibly tight. 

Joel cinched his brows and grunted as you tightly wrapped around him. "Relax. Relax b'fore you- kill me." He was referencing to how tight you were, your back arching off the bed. Joel's hand found its way to your clit, rubbing soft circles onto it to try to get you relax. It helped enough, enough for Joel to start moving. He set a merciful pace to start you off slow, it being your first time. 

"Shit, squeezin' me so tight." Joel grunted out as he pulled his hips back and slammed back into you, punching all the air out of your lungs. He began to speed up, the tip of his cock reaching that spongy part inside you. He stretched you out wide and the pain slowly converted to pleasure. You mewled out loudly, holding on to the thin sheets of your bed. He had grabbed the backs of your knees and brought them up to your chest, this new angle had him reaching deeper than before. 

"Fuckfuckfuck Joel.. Joel." a mantra of Joel's escaped your pretty lips loudly as he nailed into you hard. Maybe you were a little too loud because Joel's hand found its way back to your face and was clasped over your mouth again. 

"Shut up. What would your daddy say if he saw you clenchin' around my cock and screamin' my name like that, hmm? Not such a good little girl anymore, are ya'?" He taunted. You wanted to swat him away and reprimand him for embarrassing you like that, but the feeling of his dick hitting your cervix made you forget about everything else in this world. Each thrust pushed all air out of your lungs and all thoughts out of your brain as Joel would mumble some incoherent praises, telling you how good you were doing. 

He only sped up, thrusting in and out while he kept his hand over your mouth. Your moan were muffled and Joel's deep groans and the sound of skin slapping was all that could be heard. It was obscene. You couldn't last any longer, not with the way he was holding your legs up to your body and definitely not with the way his cock was buried inside you. That familiar knot built up inside you once more, threatening to snap with every snap of Joel's aching hips. He could feel it, he could tell you were close the way you pulsed around him. So he sped up, sped up to a pace you didn't even know was possible as you came. You came all over his cock, a white ring forming around it as he kept fucking it out of you. 

"Such a sweet girl , so so sweet." He didn't even know what he was saying as he could feel himself getting closer too. Joel didn't stop, he didn't even slow. You didn't have time to recover from your almost painful orgasm as he chased his own. You were so fucked out and he fucked you more, it started to hurt. It was overstimulating. 

"I can't.. 's enough, Joel 's enough-" you choked out. 

"You can take it, I know you can." was all he grunted out as you whimpered back arching once more. Joel's hips stuttered, but he didn't slow. He kept going, abusing your puffy hole as he choked out one last broken moan before pulling out to cum on your stomach. His hands let go of your legs as he gave himself one last tug. Hot ropes spurted out of him and onto your stomach, you could only whimper at the loss of his dick inside you. 

He used his hand to cup your cheek, caressing your sweat ridden face softly. "Told ya' you could take it." You could only roll your eyes as your legs ached and your head spun and Joel laughed. He liked seeing you fucked out like this, his cum all over your stomach and your cunt red and stinging. You were so exhausted. 

Before you passed out, the last thing you remembered was the feeling of a warm towel cleaning you up and Joel's honey smooth voice saying, "Relax, baby girl. We can talk about it tomorrow." 

In the state you were in now, you couldn't even tell if this was a dream. Tomorrow. Would you even be able to face him tomorrow?

----- 

[aristia-pjoheadcanons]

Teen Ares

Teen Ares headcanons, based on this

As a teenager he would be a loner. Never fitting in any crowd because of his crude comments or pessimistic personality.

He would have such a low view of the world and have a hard time understanding why some Gods enjoy it.

He realized that the Gods of Olympos liked earth because they had the power to play with human lives.

After he escaped that jar and became a hard-earned soldier, he finally found his crowd of people. Amongst warriors that are willing to do anything for honor, which is exactly what he wanted – praise for his victories and a soothing and helpful hand during his short comings.

He became the very best, his anger fueled his skill. It grew day by day and I wouldn’t be surprised if he broke many things.

He unleashed his fury during practice, pretending that it was his enemy who was battling him.

But while others get praise for killing or for hurting another, he only gets dismissive looks because not only is he too hungry for a fight, but people say he fights dirty.

As a teen, he would fight with his hands and feet – his teeth and voice. He would scream and yell, his Godly powers making others near-deaf. It wasn’t honorable. It was laughable how he fought.

He grew ashamed and dedicated his time to learn how to fight like a soldier instead, tightening the straps of his armor and belt, taking care of his weapons, and asking for new ones when they became crippled and old after use.

He learned self-control, at least to a degree. The point of fighting against a dummy-doll isn’t to beat your sword broken, its to practice your techniques until your sword can cut straight through flesh.

The first time he managed to do that, he was so happy he laughed on the battlefield. On viewers thought he was mad, laughing in the face of death. But Ares didn’t hear anything other than the excited thumping of his heart and the well-deserved sweat than ran down his face and his palms.

While he saw victory – people only saw disgust. Ares didn’t understand, how could he?

He grew up in a completely different environment than other Gods.

While Apollo played pranks on his sister, Artemis, Ares of slaving away on the battlefield not knowing what comfort really way.

Ares only worked to win but also came to realize that some wars are not meant to be won. And that is fine. He will keep pushing forward and work harder next time, he thought.

That was until his father, the Supreme Lord, Zeus himself, called him into Olympos and demanded an audience. He was reprimanded, insulted, it was all a blur. Ares didn’t even have time to get angry, but even so his veins bubbled like wine on a hot pot and he bit his tongue until it bled to keep himself from crying.

That day, Ares came to realize what unfairness really meant.

This insecurity caused so many things in his life – his way of doing things became harsh but calculated.

He finally earned a name for himself. The God of War. What a mighty nickname! Ares knew he would never fade into nothing but dust if he represented war.

People didn’t honor him. He thought they were stupid or slow, perhaps dense for not appreciating what was right.

Alas, he kept up the work. Ares wasn’t a quitter. Even if he faces countless humiliations for his loss, he wouldn’t stop.

Zeus might not have thought of him as a son AND Hera might have never cared so much about him when he became a 17-year-old teenager.

Ares has had many phases throughout the centuries, one being a punk-phase that has still yet to disappear. He relates to them and if he’s already unapproachable – he might as well do his very best to intimidate.

He lets his soldiers celebrate together and celebrates alone but keeps an eye on them.

He fills their head with passion to learn and practice good sport.

A BIT OF AN ANGSTY TEENAGER TBH.

Likes to sing and dance when he has the chance to let his guard and honor down – which is very rare.

Growing up fatherless taught him how to become the father he wished he had; someone to pat him on the back after a rough day. Someone to descend form the sky to protect him when he was hurt on the battlefield. Someone that would keep an eye on him, just out of protectiveness. That’s all.

[sister-lucifer]

what’s wrong with you based on your favorite batman villain

(don’t take these too seriously)

(sequel to this post)

The Riddler: Holy shit shut the fuck up for two seconds PLEASE. i know you have a touch of the tism and crave to derail every conversation to talk about your special interest but no one else is having fun. this is why you don’t have any friends. You also have a very niche and the second most expensive taste in clothing so you only have like 3 outfits to mix and match. You either dress like you’re going to the Met Gala or like a dad on vacation, no in between

The Penguin: STOP FUCKING IMPULSE BUYING!!! YOU HAVE TOO MANY TRINKETS!!! YOU DONT NEED IT JUST BECAUSE ITS PRETTY!!!! You have the most expensive taste in clothing, especially victorian undergarments, and spend an embarrassing amount of money to dress like a vampire. And stop being so hard on your body. It might not always be the perfect image of what you want, but it’s doing its best, even if you have to help it out a bit.

Harley Quinn: Sweetheart, I promise you are more than just your sex appeal. I know you grew up around misogyny and were raised to be a housewife but you’re free now!! Well…you would be if you stopped picking the shittiest men. A relationship does not define you, stop settling for assholes because you feel ashamed for being single. Have you tried dating a woman? No, seriously, try it. You deserve it

The Joker: Stop using your humor to deflect from your trauma, i bet your back hurts from carrying the weight of being the funniest person in your friend group. You’re a big time maximalist who spends an hour picking out a hundred accessories to wear and wind up being late because you couldn’t choose which kandi bracelets were best for the occasion. You’re still holding on to the last shreds of your teenage edgelord phase. Also clean your damn room and throw away those old drink cans, nasty ass

Catwoman: How does it feel to be the sexiest person in the room at any given time? Not good, I bet, since you struggle to make friends because of how often they wind up to only be after your body. Sorry you can’t catch a break. You’re probably still carrying money saving habits you got from your parents when you were a kid even though you don’t need to now. Also please try wearing a color besides black, it’s almost summer, you’re gonna die of heatstroke. Nice eyeliner though

Poison Ivy: Dude, so many people are crushing on you rn, how do you not see this?! You’re so hot but soooo emotionally unavailable, christ. A boy in middle school said something uncomfortable to you once which was then reinforced by the misogynistic micro aggressions you were subject to as a teenager and it’s kinda tainted your entire view of the male gender, which is fair but also kinda sucks.

The Scarecrow: Daddy issues, daddy issues everywhere. He was scary as fuck, wasn’t he? Your fear was valid. You really love to analyze people which wouldn’t be an issue if you could actually be subtle about it. Stop staring, you creep. Also, that flannel doesn’t look as good as you think it does, you look like a depressed lumberjack. Like please just buy a cardigan. Halloween is your favorite holiday and you get really annoying about it around mid august. And remember to brush your fuckin hair for gods sake

The Mad Hatter: You get like…reeeeaaaally weird about your crushes, man. Like whatever you’re doing it’s not normal. You can just talk to them, you know. You have the weirdest sexual interests but they’re more so hyper specific and niche than gross or unsettling. That’s better, I guess? You gotta leave your headspace and live in reality for a bit, man. I know it kinda sucks, but there are real people here! Also you’re short. Gross

[yourstrulyray]

(for safety reasons this is all satire and for shits and giggles please dont cancel tea plea)

i apologize for my absence, but i have an urgent announcement to make.

THE @tea-cake2 CALLOUT POST

since the day i had opened my askbox, the majority i have been receiving were creepy asks. i could smell the stench from where i was sitting. 🤕

i am merely just another person on the internet, minding my own business... until this person, @tea-cake2, existed. i finally built the courage to expose and, hopefully, fully get rid of this weirdo permanently off the web.

this person is absolutely DISGUSTING. filthy, if i may. not demure, not mindful, not cutesy at all. how could you drool over a fictional character that would know better than you!? unbelievable. you should be ashamed of yourself. ms woodstone herself would know better. (you're also probably irish... 🤢)

and that's not the only issue I've been facing behind closed doors.

it added up.

there was more, more, and more of her asks... and it was all just about hetty... what the sigma?

i was practically spiralling. how could such a person ever obsess with a character that does not even coexist with us? there were more productive things they could do, such as clean their room, take a bath ...touch some grass... and honestly, i did try to lean on the brighter side. maybe this was only a short phase and they would get over henrietta.

but i was wrong. very wrong.

did you see that third ask? our... lips were locking...??

this was an invasion of privacy.

no way in skibidi this creep virtually made us kiss... when was the last time they had ever communicated with a person in real life? again its virtual but i can imagine it REEKS from the other side of the screen...

at a reasonable distance so i wouldnt get the plague, i dmed them asking to leave me alone.

nnoooope.

they sure were persistent.... and.... scented.....

i thought this would have all ended because for a short while they stopped sending me asks. not even a single one. so i thought, "oh my cod, is this the end of skibidi hell? am i free?"

oh. my. COD

END MY FUCKING SUFFERING

I CANT LIVE A PEACEFUL DAY WITHOUT THE ONE INSANE HETTY SIMP BREAK INTO MY ASKBOX AND HAVE THEIR SIMPING PRACTICALLY PLAGUE MY ASKS

IM NOT EVEN KIDDING I ONLY HAVE 32 ASKS BUT OUT OF ALL THAT SHE MAKES UP 25 ALONE

25 OF MY ASKS. ARE ALL FROM TEA. OH MY ACTUAL FUCKING COD

WHY

I MAY HAVE LOST THE BATTLE BUT IM NOT LOSING THE WAR

WATCH OUT TEA. I HAVENT RIZZED MY LAST GYATT YET

also, trevor lefkowitz would NEVER do that. you are straight up mischaracterizing a fan-favorite character. he is a proper, composed, very demure, very mindful man, and you treat him like he's a drug addict, an alcoholic, and a ladies' man. i can't believe we watch the same show. 🤦‍♂️

also he's dead he cant really.do that

[ciaossu-imagines]

Hi I'm the previous Jihyun enthusiast here! How do you think he acts when he's angry? Like full-blown anger about something that he thinks is wrong? I don't think the game ever presents him as angry, only apologetic, so I'm curious of your take on this. You write him so well I keep going back to your writings for him.

Oh my gosh, that is such a fantastic compliment and I’m very flattered that you think I write V so well! Honestly, I adore him and find him such a fascinating, complex, interesting character so I’m more than happy to write for him again! I hope you’ll enjoy, dear!

In a odd sort of headcanon, I do see Jihyun, as a child, being a lot more comfortable expressing his anger. Even throughout middle school and high school, I do think he had a much shorter fuse than he has as an adult and, emulating his father, he did express a lot more anger and disdain.

I do see V’s father as an angry sort of man, someone whose temper was quick to provoke and unpredictable and, though V does, on some level, love his father, as he grew to resent the man and distanced himself from his father, Jihyun sort of vowed to himself that he would never end up becoming his father. As such, I do think he really took huge steps in working on his temper.

However, I also think that, in doing so, V really has become uncomfortable with anger as an emotion. He’s uncomfortable with others expressing anger, especially when it’s aimed towards him (though there is a part of him that does believe that he deserves others anger, feels like he is rightly to blame for it, and does sort of see it as being something that others should feel towards him, something he deserves). But even more so, I really do feel like V is really, really uncomfortable with his own anger. He doesn’t like feeling angry; feeling angry makes him feel guilty and ashamed, which only fuels his anger towards himself. Feeling angry feels bad, feels wrong, feels dirty to V and so, whenever something does irritate him or does make him angry, he really does suppress those emotions really hard, bottling them up deep inside of himself and that does mean that there’s always this hot little kernel, way down deep in Jihyun, that is a very angry person.

As an adult though, it is much rarer for V to get truly angry, as his once short fuse has grown considerably longer. He really did grow out of his hot-head phase, especially as he grew to learn that his father’s anger towards the world wasn’t really a normal reaction to things. He’s really learned to shrug off a lot of behaviour, even things that are definitely not normal to shrug off or accept, to keep the peace and to make everything okay.

Because anger is such a complex emotion for V to deal with, when he does get angry and he really can’t suppress it or tie it down or shrug it off, I think he does have a really hard time dealing with it and his go-to is to jump straight to logic and reasoning as a defense mechanism to keep his emotions at bay. He wants to know why whoever did what they did to upset him made those choices. Was he at fault in any way for their choices? What could he have done better? What can he do now to make things better, both for the person who has made him angry and for whoever that person hurt (because the unforgivable for V, the one guarantee to make him angry, is to hurt others unrepentedly, especially if he cannot comprehend the reasoning behind it)? He tries desperately to search for reasons and solid ground with the person he’s angry at and does try to reach compromises, just because he really wants to stop feeling that anger as quickly as he can.

I also want to note that V…not a screamer. His anger isn’t, and has never been, loud and violent and noisy. His anger is very quiet, very calm, but when he does get truly angry, it’s very direct, very focused anger.

[berry-hwa]

As per my suggestion...!!

heres the promised mermaid au fic!!! I might not ever finish it because theres a lot of worldbuilding and writing stuff that i dont have time for😔i havent looked over this in a while and it isnt beta read either so ignore any mistakes!! All that aside now, pls enjoy!!

Well, here I am.

Looking up, her expression hardly wavered at the luxurious and magnificent hotel she stood in front of.

Here it is. Tres Spades.

Her glance shifted low to the dark blue dress she wore specifically for the famous I.V.C held at the hotel. Her pearl necklace reflected the huge amount of light from both the inside and outside and her silk, white gloves held onto a matching white clutch. She wasn't gonna look like anyone present at the party, but she was fine with that. The party wasn't what was on her mind anyway, it didn't matter if she stood out or not.

All she had to do was get to the penthouse.

Walking through crowds and crowds of people, her white heels clicked with every step she took on the recently cleaned floor. As she reached the room the I.V.C was held at, she was suddenly startled by someone talking behind her.

"Woah! I've never seen you around here. Is this your first time attending the I.V.C perhaps?"

She spun around to find two men looking at her, their eyes not leaving hers. She recognized one of the two almost instantly.

"Oh! Why yes, this is my first time here. I was looking for Mr. Ichinomiya? He was supposed to escort me to the party." She flashed a radiant smile, hoping to catch the two off-guard. As she stared at them, she realized the identity of the second man who strangely wore a fedora hat.

"Oh! We're his accomplices, and I haven't heard anything about you from Mr. Ichinomiya...would you give us your name?" The blonde smiled, crossing his arms and waiting for an answer. Her heart slowly began beating faster as she thought of a made-up name.

"Misaki. My name is Misaki." She extended her hand out for a handshake, which the brunette took and gave the back of it a gentle kiss. Her heartbeat slowly went back to normal and her smile slightly fell.

"A beautiful name for a beautiful lady. My name is Mitsunari Baba, but you can call me Micchy or Mitsu for short. And you probably already know who my friend is." Baba glanced back and forth between the blonde and the woman.

"Of course, Kisaki Ota. I'd be ashamed if I didn't know who you were." She bowed and internally cringed, her patience slowly running low. She wasn't here to chat up some men...but, if they managed to get her up to the penthouse, at least the lying would be worth it.

"You flatter me Miss Misaki! Now, what was that about Mr. Ichinomiya escorting you to the I.V.C?"

"Ah, right. We talked over the phone weeks prior to the I.V.C, but he must have forgotten. He's a busy man after all, and so am I." Lying in situations as such was her specialty, but for some reason she felt as if she was being read easily. Can they tell?

"Boss is a very busy man. If you'd like, we could escort you around the I.V.C ourselves?" Baba gave her a handsome smile that would swoon women in her place, but she was barely phased. It wasn't her job to begin flirting with a thief.

She tried to shake off the unusual feeling she felt when she realized Ota's smile had also fallen a bit as he stared at her. Not at her, but her necklace specifically. The only explanation that sat right with her was that he'd been looking at it from an artist's point of view. She didn't know if he realized the necklace was made out of real pearls, however.

"I would appreciate it very much, Mitsunari." She smiled again for the sake of being polite.

From nearly getting lost in the sea of people to stumbling upon a mysterious looking hallway and being sold at a black market auction held in the basement of the hotel, she was only a few steps away from her goal. It didn't matter who bought her, she would escape them either way. Her eyes were set on finding one man and that man only. Her surprise when she heard she was sold to seat #100 came as a shock even to her. She fell right into the hands of the man she had her eyes on.

The cage she sat in had been carried all the way up to the penthouse, her heart racing as she realized how close she was to her target. Even if they didn't speak and wore masks, she knew exactly who the two men that carried her up there were as well.

And when she was brought in, she found herself face to face with him. Eisuke Ichinomiya.

"Who are you?"

"Boss, this is the lady that we-"

"If you let me out of this cage, I will tell you exactly who I am and what I'm doing here."

She stared at the five men who stared back at her. Her smile from earlier was replaced with a fierce gaze at Eisuke, who was staring at her cautiously.

"And how do we know you don't have any ulterior motives?" A strong looking man stood up which she quickly identified as Soryu, Eisuke's childhood friend and a mobster.

"If your security is good at checking whether or not people have weapons on them, then you don't have to be afraid Mr. Oh." She held her chin high and smiled internally at his slightly bewildered face.

"...You know who we are?" Eisuke spoke, eyebrows narrowing as he stared at her through his eyelashes. She could sense he was conflicted and a little confused.

"I know you all. And we'd be able to talk like normal people if you let me out of this cage," She crossed her arms, gaze not faltering as she stared back at Eisuke, "But we probably already know the phrase "normal people" doesn't suit you at all, right Ichinomiya?"

She saw his eyebrow twitch. As she guessed earlier, Baba and Ota took their masks off, their gazes switching back and forth between the woman and Eisuke.

"Is your definition of a succesful individual 'abnormal'?" Eisuke crossed his arms and took a sip of his wine, placing it on the table in front of him afterwards.

"I think we both know what I mean here." Her gaze went to the wine glass in front of him. Lowering her open palm, she aimed it directly at the glass before knocking it over, the wine spilling on Eisuke's leg.

All the men's eyes widened and Eisuke swiftly stood up, panic evident on his features.

"Eisuke, go!" Soryu suddenly yelled at him. Realizing he had to move as fast as he could, he dashed towards the staircase with a curse, managing to make it up before anyone could see anything.

When they made sure he was out of sight, everyone shot a glare at the woman. Only Ota seemed to stand still, still comprehending what had just happened.

"What the hell was that?" Soryu approached the cage, gun in hand now. The woman only grinned as the realization that she'd indeed found the man she was looking for began setting in.

"I think you know exactly what it was." Her fingers tapped at the golden cage as the mobster stared her down. She felt confident knowing she wouldn't be killed in that moment after what she did. They needed answers and she was aware of that. There was also no way they'd let her go unless they heard the full story, unless they didn't let her go at all. She was bought by them after all.

"I...don't get it. How did you knock over that glass?" Baba stared, still a little stunned. She rolled her eyes and glanced at the thief who was looking at her for an answer.

"I'm pretty sure you know that as well." Before looking away, she caught a glimpse of Ota looking almost...solemn, as he stared off into the distance.

"Come on now, you can't all play dumb. I'm here for one reason and one reason only."

"And that is?"

"Eisuke."

Soryu stared at her once more with a stern look on his face. Was he gonna let her out? She made it clear she'd explain everything if she was out of the cage...but how could he trust her like that? Especially when he didn't even know her name?

"Open the cage Mitsunari." A deep voice from the back spoke, the woman recognizing it as Mamoru's. At least he's not entirely stupid, as much as he is lazy.

Baba hesitantly reached into his pocket to take out a key, Soryu stepping away to make space. Opening the cage, the woman stepped out, arms crossed over one another. The men continued to stare at her for a moment before they heard footsteps coming from the staircase.

Her eyes immediately locked with Eisuke's as she looked up. He looked both furious and confused as he walked down each step.

"I'm gonna ask this one last time. Who are you and what are you doing here?" Making his way towards her, he stood in-between Baba and Soryu, eyes staring daggers into the woman. He only recieved a grin in return.

"I heard a siren call from miles away, and it lead me here in your hotel."

The CEO stared in pure confusion. He almost wanted to laugh at how ridiculous she sounded. A siren call. Is she for real?

Sure, it might not have sounded...that ridiculous, given the situation he was suddenly thrust into in less than twenty seconds. His eyes traveled to her neck adorned by the pearl necklace. He could feel his throat going dry even as he swallowed.

Those are real pearls.

And, sure, seeing real pearls hung on a string as an accessory wasn't the most unusual thing Eisuke had seen. But the way this woman was dressed bewildered him.

He estimated the cost of both her dress and heels were most probably around 200 dollars. Her gloves were made of silk, therefore they had to have been a little expensive. The pearls were what threw him off. A single, real white pearl was already expensive, but her necklace consisted of at least thirty pearls that varied in colors and shapes. He even recognized one of the rarest blue pearls hung onto the string, and he could feel the nervousness bubbling to the surface the more he stared.

"You've...gotta be kidding right?" The thief asked, gaze shifting to Eisuke who tried so hard to keep his expression as neutral as possible. Both him and Soryu were begining to catch onto the situation.

"I'm very serious. I came here specifically to talk to Eisuke, on behalf of my people."

"Your...people?" Puzzled, Soryu raised an eyebrow at her, his eyes now also shifting to look at Eisuke.

"I know what you are Eisuke. And we need your help." The woman's tone slowly morphed into one of pleading, as did her expression. Eisuke stared for what seemed like hours before sighing and turning his back to her.

"You have five minutes to explain."

"Five?!"

"Yes, only five."

She stared at his back as he walked over to the couch and sat down, Soryu and Baba following. She was glad she got the opportunity to talk...but five minutes? Really?!

"Alright I...just, do you mind bringing a glass of water?" Her gaze went to the artist who seemed to think about her question a little longer than he had to before nervously answering.

"Sure..." He put on a smile and strode over to the kitchen in the penthouse. Taking a deep breath before exhaling, her gaze returned to Eisuke who now sat on the couch, waiting for his explanation.

"First of all, I'd like to apologize for barging in all of a sudden and spilling wine on you. You were probably all confused and angry, especially you, Ichinomiya." Her heels clicked as she walked over to the four men, Eisuke's eyebrows forming into a frown as he recalled what happened.

"Apologize another time, get to your story." He swiftly crossed his legs and rest his chin in his palm as he waited for her to begin, as if he were a teacher about to listen to a student's excuse for a missed assignment.

By the time she stopped staring Eisuke down, Ota had come back with a glass of water as she'd asked. Funny how she has barely been here for five minutes and is ordering people around as if she owns the penthouse.

Thanking the artist, she set the glass down on the coffee table and waited for Ota to grab a seat, only for him to stand next to the couch Baba, Soryu and Eisuke sat on.

"As I said...I know what you are, Eisuke. Even if you might not know exactly what you are, we desperately need your help." She began, voice brave despite her slowly plummetting spirit.

"Who is this "we" you've been throwing around?" Baba exclaimed before getting interrupted by the woman.

"I'll get there. Let me explain."

"You fell into a pool when you were young in London...right?" She raised an eyebrow and looked at Eisuke for his reaction. He definitely didn't disappoint. His eyes went wide and he was now listening to her more cautiously, the nervous feeling on the verge of overflowing.

"You became a mermaid. Or...a merman. Otherwise known as a siren." She explained like she was some lunatic, but Eisuke knew better than to assume that when she was right. Except he had no idea what she meant by the siren part of it.

"How do you know any of this. Only my manager and some acquaintances are aware of what happened. How did you manage to find out what happened a decade ago?"

"That's not important. What is important is that I'm a real mermaid born at sea, and my people have and I have been threatened by the human race for years," She looked down, remembering the last moments with her family before they were taken from her, "They sacrificed themselves so I would stay alive and get help."

"It took you this long to find me?" Eisuke interrupted, his thoughts now racing. Had she been stalking him? Did she somehow bribe someone to tell her about him? What kind of help did she need exactly?

"I've known about you ever since you fell into that pool. You see, I'm from Britain myself, and all of us have known about you ever since that day." She explained briefly, not leaving any room for questions as she continued quickly afterwards.

"You're the first merman to have ever fallen in the pool in that cave in nearly sixty years. It just so happened that you became a siren on the day the last merman transformed 43 years before you did." She briefly caught a glimpse at Ota looking down at the floor as if he was holding something back. Did he wanna ask a question?

She decided to ignore it, passing it as just him being lost in his thoughts.

"This is...too much information," Eisuke rubbed his temple, her words barely registering. He was finally used to being this weird form of a human after so long, and suddenly there's so much information shoved into him it's almost too overwhelming.

"You think? You gave me five minutes to explain, I'm using that time wisely." She may have been aware of the conflicted situation he was in at that moment as he slowly took in what she was saying. Still though, she figured she might as well drop the bomb as quickly as she could, even if it confused Eisuke at first.

"We've been looking for a siren for years now due to our problems with the human race. And that just so happened to be you..."

Her frightless demeanor began to wear off, quickly replaced by someone in genuine need of help. Eisuke stared at her, her words still registering. So he was a siren. Was it good that he finally knew his identity after so many years? He certainly didn't feel any better knowing, that's for sure. What if she was lying?

"Can you prove to me in any way that you're telling the truth?"

The woman stared at him. Of course, Eisuke Ichinomiya of all people would never believe some girl suddenly showing up at his penthouse, telling him he was a damn siren and that there were real mer-people living in the sea with no proof. The whole story seemed like a sick joke. Even if she knew things many others hadn't known, even if she held information that Eisuke had never revealed publicly...he had to know.

"If you'll allow me to," She raised her open palm once more and focused her energy on the glass of water in front of her. Soon enough, they saw what looked like a bubble rise out of the glass. Eisuke knew she wasn't lying the moment he saw the "bubble" rise higher and higher, but still wanted to see what she would do. As the water reached her head, her hand suddenly dropped to her side, as did the bubble. The CEO's eyes widened as it splashed over her head and he was already begining to count down the seconds it took for her to transform. No sooner than that did Baba get up and rushed over to her, holding her up by her arms as her legs disappeared and were replaced by a sparkling blue tail.

"Is that enough proof for you, Ichinomiya?"

[mousiefrotting]

(sorry should have specified kinky but if u want to answer non-kinky that's cool too 👀)

OKAY now that i've got my thoughts out. time to get my even messier thoughts out.

riddle is absolutely one of my favorite characters. favorite housewarden for sure. and so, so repressed. every time i look at riddle rosehearts i think "I need to ruin him" . i believe that he is very well-loved by his card soldiers even in spite of the fear that he projects. something i made up in my head is a thing between riddle/trey/cater/che'nya. there are not labels and there are preferences but the preferences bounce around all the time so are there really? making sense? what fun is there in making sense? it's heartslabyul!

but i think that riddle is perfect for kink situations. when you consider his tight-woundedness combined with his admittedly strong personality, you get a short-fused queen of a boy who has never had any grasp at intimacy!

i think he should be stuffed. i think that he should get to enjoy all the lavish treats and culinary treasures he was denied as a child. i love the concept of someone who has never gotten to taste certain foods, be it from poverty or other restrictions, coming into a new environment and being given the opportunity to have what they never thought was possible. i don't think i'm far off, considering riddle's OB flashback.

i think he should get to eat whatever treats he wants, as many of them as he wants, without restriction or fear of punishment. i like the idea of him with a cute stuffed tummy, bulging at the seams of his blouse and peeking red at the skin from just how PACKED it all is.

he would be a mess, denying any sort of pleasure and insisting he detests any kind of behavior so uncouth and unbecoming, but i just know he would love the feeling of his gut gurgling while weighed down with the remains of whatever he ate, protruding so hard that he has to unbutton a little just to relieve some of that pressure, and the relief of that pressure would be the end of him. he would melt for it, and he would be embarrassed and ashamed the whole time. riddle would LOVE being stuffed (however secretly that might be), but the point remains that i think he should be well doted upon by his most loyal soldiers.

leona is really really hot. and an imperious and mean royal glutton. and a lion. i GOTTA admit it here he's so hot actually and i really like him. as a character he interests me so much. i wanna know more about what his reputation and family dynamic is actually like, i want to know more about his actual royal desires, stuff like he mentioned in tamashina-mina, about installing more infrastructure and how farena was too sensitive upholding the circle of life (iirc). Oh yeah i also want him to eat me. really badly. being just a scrap of fat to his majesty, while he makes SURE that i know it? and how no matter the brutality or the thrill he'd put forward before finally gobbling me up, he'd probably end up just falling asleep? NEED. and it would be really hot if he bottomed while stuffed

ruggie is attractive to me in a similar way that leona is, both in the sort of natural-therian pred way. i don't like full-feral preds, but characters like the beastmen in twst are honestly kink heaven. i love the thought of a vicious predator who looks like and IS a cute boy. ruggie himself is someone so endearing to me too, seeing how he spent his entire life around poverty and never really got to see better until NRC. his general scheming nature always telling you he'll do anything to fend for yourself but for a bad guy he's really not much of a BAD guy, and i like seeing him constantly resorting to underhanded methods. the rugster can take care of himself and he has every reason to flaunt the skills. in general his appetite reminds me of that whole college-transition phase, the wonderful change of environment where foods that were dreams are finallly here? but not just that, he finally gets to eat well? someone should stuff him immediately. and burping is really really hot with him, actually. someone should stuff him to the brim bones and all and he should burp right in their face i believe .also his love for donuts is just <3 such a simple food and so realistic for someone of his background (as realistic as it can be anyway) and he is just so...? i love the idea of hugging someone shorter than me who might slurp me down in seconds if he could get a single limb in his mouth.

(i headcanon that beastmen have more distinct noses than we get shown ingame!)

azul is attractive to me in an entirely different way than either one of his henchmen. the countenance he carries, the put-together charismatic businessman who's always there to lend a hand because he just can't STAND to see you suffer? like even if you know he's lying if the delivery is good it gets you crawling. like, yes, please lie to me and seduce me and buy me out of my house and my car because of how kind you are <3 he is just such a perfect amount of hedonism. i would love to be swallowed whole by this octopus. swallowed whole and digested while i get crammed against the walls of his gut and he mocks me the whole time with fine print that was too fine to notice..

i also enjoy the idea of azul KNOWING that someone has affections for him. it would give him a reason to be just that much worse, teasing them however they may like, in ways he may want to strangle himself for considering but will do just to get a squeak out of his victim? Yes.

soul binding, tentacles, ... his greed is actually really hot i got horny typing this

vil is someone i would love to put in a situation .i woul dput vil schoenheit in a situation. i read a vil/neige burp kink by @moraygrotto once and it was DELICIOUS. vil would be someone truly repulsed by the burp kink. he has one to me now. dental health matters to keep up beauty anyway! i genuinely cannot imagine vil stuffing himself willingly. other circumstances might have a way into that, but i don't think he'd be crass or brutish or boorish on purpose. not ever. i can imagine him getting flustered in the most inconvenient moments too, like...stomach growls, a soft stifled burp here or there...god he would be a mess. Want

[roxy206]

Live In Chicago From The Historic Auditorium Theatre — 03/27/2023 | watch here | listen here

THE KATYA VOICEOVERRRR

No because this intro is amazing

THE SHOW CLIPS!

Ngl I do miss seeing them walk out onto stage

The two seconds it takes for Katya to mention her short dress lmao

Thank youuu, thank youuu You’re welcome

I’m in my tanning phase at the same age that you were, when you were in your tanning phase

The two of them saying the hoops 😂

Love wins Love wins

Of course Trixie went for the small dick joke lol

If you’re born naked & the rest is drag how do you criminalize it? 🤣

Okay so you really don’t know about drag queens because we are self-centered assholes

If drag really didn’t heal the world the conservatives wouldn’t care, but because it’s working they’re like we need to stop this

So if anybody knows a youth pastor — seriously though

Katya winking pleaaase

You wouldn’t understand what I��ve been through No, I couldn’t possibly! You’re so brave 😂

Katya laughing at herself is so !

I would but I won’t

I don’t drive so what’s gonna happen to me, d’you know what I mean?

You’re really doing responsibility

Katya talking about being an introvert

I’m sorry but Trixie knowing what story Katya is about to tell … I get immense pleasure out of that

It’s like looking up at the rain but reverse

I started getting a huge boner

Now excuse me I need clarification here on whether Katya literally heard Trixie while she was showering or imagined hearing Trixie

I was in the shower — different time — thinking about this person — 👀👀👀

Dungeons & Dragons bitch

Katya wanting to look exclusively for cuddling on Grindr

Am I nuts like if I just want to like kiss, just a man to kiss & hug?

I didn’t tell you [gasp] New information!

I’m so ashamed to admit that I immediately got hard — Trixie’s reaction 😂

When I ordered Noodles & Company upon your suggestion — AHHHH!

MORE LIVE PODS MORE LIVE PODS MORE LIVE PODSSSSSSS

No I’m gonna tell my dentist story for the twelfth time

Okay wait is it a Massachusetts or New England thing to call it a johnny because … yes that’s what it’s called (I guess so lol)

I don’t want no — I do want scrubs

Do you think he was putting the feelers out? How could you not?

Aww Trixie’s guidance counselor 😭

Trixie looking at Katya saying the bog

I was already feeling emosh & I can’t deal with Katya saying there’s something very poignant & touching about it 🥺

Not them doing a BFF quiz

The fucking irony that Trixie did indeed call her assistant when she was out running & shit her pants

Hold on hold on, Trixie shaved Katya’s back?

What do you MEAN oh you’ve seen me in the back of the bus eating pizza

There’s too much to process here I’m going to need to rewatch this one

What did he say? Cheese. Which is exactly what I would have said — Katya’s laugh when she says cheese 😂

I’ve had a colorful life

Is there a difference? You tell me

I didn’t think anyone knew it was a blowup doll

You told me to watch that movie & I haven’t watched it either

It’s 50 First Dates up here at this point

I can’t believe I haven’t told you this

Wait I can finally tell you this story too!

JAME!

This pod episode was lit

[flymmsy]

For Gortash and Lyra: 5, 8, 44, 49

Some really good ones here! I'll keep accepting these on a rolling basis if anyone wants to jump in my inbox - ask list here.

→ Gortash

5. What’s the worst sex they’ve ever had? It’s hard not to say Lady Jannath - just because it would be worse than bad, it would be boring. I’m the first one in line to make Gortash love the older ladies, but specifically Wisteria gives me big ‘bad missionary rocks my world’ vibes.

8. Have they ever been caught having? (lol this was definitely meant to say having sex.) Yes yes yes. Actually, a lot. Sometimes it’s purposeful (being caught in a ‘compromising’ position can be an advantage - it disarms the other person, or brings to light jealousies), but he’s also had the occasional accidental interruption. I think the true accidents of being caught were more during his Arms Dealer phase, and the purposeful use of it came when he entered the political realm.

Also - with Durge specifically, there’s a whole lot going on there. I wrote a short headcanon post on this that I intend to expand on later - but Durge loves watching him fuck others. They’ll sneak onto his balcony to watch while touching themselves. And while Gortash doesn’t always know he’s been ‘caught’, he would also get off on the idea of Durge watching. Really big “our sexual tension is too high so I’m going to fuck you through another person” energy.

44. Do they consider themself to be dominant, submissive, both, or neither? I’m a switch Gortash truther. Gortash would always /say/ he’s more dominant (to keep up tyrannical appearances), but with the right partner, he’d love giving up control. He’s very good at being dominant, but being submissive allows him to actually relax more.

49. Do they have any kinks that they’re ashamed of? I think, building off of the previous question, anything that puts him in a more submissive role he feels a degree of shame about. That’s only because he’s built up in his head that he has to be dominating, but underneath that just isn’t entirely who he is. This ranges from mild kinks like being tied up into more quirky kinks - I don’t mean to sound like a broken record here but going back to the mommy kink, I think it’s something he’d be embarrassed about because it’s clearly rooted in an emotional need of his. His shame is definitely proportionate to how much the kink reveals about his emotional needs.

→ Lyra (under the cut)

5. What’s the worst sex they’ve ever had? Okay hilariously, it is with Gortash - deep into their relationship, when they have a degree of comfortability. I like the idea of Gortash bringing her to parties in some way or another - in his head it’s always been an attempt to warm her up to society for when she is Archduchess. He likes that his murderous demon isn’t part of society, but he wants her to see how it operates. Lyra on the other hand would never admit that she actually does just enjoy the parties to an extent.

So I absolutely see them at a party one night spending the entire evening getting all worked up and Gortash making all these promises to tear her clothes off but then when the evening is over he delivers like two thrusts and passes out. Lyra is furious but then also gets really worked up about how stupidly vulnerable and unguarded he’s being and how she could slit his throat too easily and then has a whole menty b about it. In the end, it’s not the worst sex because it was so embarrassingly bad, it’s the worst sex because of the degree of crisis she has about it. She’s devastatingly protective over him.

8. Have they ever been caught having sex? She has sex on display as part of rituals a lot, but hasn’t ever really been caught necessarily. There has definitely been at least ONE time where Gortash watched her take a victim before killing them, but it was definitely all very purposeful.

I mean unless you count getting caught by Sceleritas and scolded for taking some Banite dick….then yes, she has. But hilariously, she wouldn’t count Sceleritas. Pre-tadpole, Sceleritas feels like an extension of herself in many ways. Gortash is definitely unnerved by it.

44. Do they consider themself to be dominant, submissive, both, or neither? With anyone except for Gortash, she doesn’t even think in these terms. From an outside perspective, she’d seem dominant, but sex is so wrapped up in murder for her that it’s not really dominant in the way this means. When she’s with Gortash, it reveals her true nature - switch switch switch. This is definitely a projection onto her but I just think it’s the best of both worlds, and it’s also why Lyra and Enver are really good for each other. They can both step into those roles and fulfill each other’s needs. Sometimes Lyra NEEDS to be in charge in order to even engage in the act - but sometimes she NEEDS to let go.

49. Do they have any kinks that they’re ashamed of? Vanilla sex. Lmao how could I not say that. So long as any sort of roughness is involved she can shrug it off. But vanilla, passionate sex? Shame, shame, shame. Gortash was the only one who ever got her to fuck that way and it ruined her.

[jils-things]

too afraid to ask off anon but I MISS YOUR FNF ERAAAAAA

Is it okay to ask what happened with you and the other two certain boyos?? Luckily I was there when you were fawning over them but I'm curious to know the update?

AWWW HII!! dude thats so long ago im surprised there's still some who knows (aside from my close mutuals of course)!!!! that makes me super soft 🥺🥺 my fnf era was 2 years ago can u believe that!?!?!

im sure the two boyos are ruv and julian!!! (well there was a 3rd one but i'm ashamed to say it /lh)

to put it simply, i just lost interest - i actually thought i could last a little longer with ruv because i know i genuinely adored his character but if you were to ask me who is my favorite fnf mod character - it would be ruv anyways! sometimes the fnf community exhausts me to the core and i would occasionally separate myself from it - with the exception of hypnos' lullaby and pokepasta perdition (i'm very active in those two mods specifically) but trust me, i wish i could be active with the cookie man especially... but at least my ruv gallery still exists (i looked and searched hard for those fanarts i dont wanna waste my efforts haha)

julian was short lived because i was already close to tapping out for fnf (and my eddsworld phase would come up next to last long) but i still think hes so fucking cool and would smile when i see him :]]]

[pajorko]

Hey Julia, would love to know your thoughts on this https://www.reddit.com/r/soccer/comments/z9n2fn/poland_advancing_into_ro_16_is_the_worst_thing/

Hey! Thanks for sending me this. I feel honored that you're curious about my opinion on this! I put it under the cut, because it's quite long.

This is going to sound very harsh, but I agree with this post, except for one point: dropping out of the group stage would not change anything. We Poles are used to our national team not making it through the group stage at major tournaments. I think there would be some complaining, some memes, some talk about the need for change. But only talk, because nothing would change. As usual. The systemic problems are too deep to change anything when only individual people want change. The old, cash- and results-driven men running the federation with a mentality dating back to the communist era/early 1990s transformation period will effectively inhibit the good intentions of individuals.

I admit that I'm not interested in men's youth teams, but from what I read and learn from other sources, it seems that this redditor has described their main problem well. Even I, not really following men's league games and occasionally watching the matches of the main national team, can see how much we are lagging in terms of technical training, especially among young players. The exception is Nicola Zalewski, but he was born and raised in Italy. And the most paradoxical thing in all this is that Robert Lewandowski himself is a bit of a late-bloomer who was not physically developed in his youth, and the biggest Polish club rejected him... And somehow no one in the federation drew any conclusions from his case.

Kinda off-top, but praise heavens that a few years ago no one in PZPN cared about women's football, because I'm beginning to suspect that it would be worse with our national team than it is. And so the coaches of the women's national teams operate somewhat outside the "national system" (it's may be a little stretch to say so, but this is how it feels at the moment). Just look at how the national team coach Nina Patalon wants to play with the girls. Even when things don't go well and Belgium wins 4-0, the ball has to be played from the goalkeeper through the defenders and then forward. And they keep on pushing and playing and passing and trying, even when they lack some skill or, probably more, faith that they are good enough to play this way. But this is a unique case in the system, because no unrealistic short-term result goal has been set before Nina Patalon, on which her job depends. The performance goal is pushed forward and it is promotion to the Euro 2025, so the team can be quietly built through a few years. I wish the result goal wasn't there at all, but it's better that way than the way the men's national team is operating.

Fortunately, I get the impression that most supporters of the Polish national team see the problems the redditor has written about. Yes, we are happy with making it to the knock-out phase of the World Cup, but few like the style in which it was achieved. Many of us are ashamed of what we show at the tournament. I didn't write about it here - rather, I tried to be positive: to rejoice at Szczęsny's fantastic performance or Lewandowski's first ever goal at the World Cup. But this first promotion in 36 years has a bittersweet taste. It's tiring to watch the men's team's matches, mainly because I know they can play better. Really. Lewandowski really is one of the best players in the world. Zieliński and Milik really are in fantastic form, and for good reason, they are the leading figures in Serie A this season. We have fantastic goalkeepers, not just Szczęsny. Cash and Bereszyński are doing all they can. Zalewski and Kamiński are really talented young guys. It makes me sad that the world can't love them like it loved Korea, Morocco, Senegal or even the initially condemned Australia. Just sad.

My hope for the match with France today is that they will at least try to fight and play as well as they are able to.

[lorbanery]

You know, it also has to be said: The movie adaptations are often lacking.

Like, we all know what a disaster Cats was (which don't get me started on the damage that did to the musical's already shaky reputation just because of the concept, there are so many people who are never going to even give the actual musical a try just because even the music and dancing in the movie mostly ranged from bafflingly mediocre to infuriatingly bad, with very few standouts).

And folks have talked a lot about Les Mis and the miscasting of Russell Crowe.

But fewer people talk about the miscasting in Phantom of the Opera of pretty much everyone but Roaul. Or how the opening sequence of the theater restoring itself doesn't really get across the magic of that same sequence in the actual theater that a proshot would at least be better at.

Fewer people talk about the poor direction of Sweeney Todd, how Burton sucked out all of the humor that's written into the script.

How Into the Woods cut for time an entire musical scene that was a major character growth moment for the Baker, and, bafflingly, an actually really short song that existed purely to make a dick joke and a bean pun (and also to get a little levity after Jack had to sell Milky White).

How West Side Story made the bizarre decision to have Anita's moment in Tonight where she's fantasizing about all the hot nasty sex she's gonna have with Bernard when he comes home after the rumble ... take place in a church??? And the fact that the people around her were shushing her making it clear that she was doing so out loud????? Or moving I Feel Pretty from the first act when Tony and Maria are in their twittery honeymoon phase where they don't truly believe anything bad can happen just because a white guy and a Puerto Rican woman want to date in 1960's NYC, to ... right after Tony shoots Bernard?????? It didn't make it tragically ironic, which is what I assume Spielberg was going for, it just made for a wild, unexplained, and unnecessary tone shift. Or the very very very weird decision to take Somewhere away from Tony and Maria and turn it into a solo for Doc Valentina, just because she was being played by Rita Moreno, the first movie's Anita. Like, by all means! Give her a song or part of a song! Write her a verse in Tonight! Give her a reprise of When You're A Jet with the lyrics rewritten to be accusatory and calling them out for their shit while they're all hiding out in her shop! Just maybe not ... the most iconic song that the two leads sing as a hope for the future and plea to the audience to stop being so fucking racist, made all the more tragic by the fact that Tony dies in the end??????? Also inserting her unnecessarily into the final scene, completely distracting from the tableau of the funeral march with the surviving gang members coming together to carry Tony's dead body away with Maria mourning behind them ... by having Grandma Valentina in her robe and house slippers following along behind them to hand Chino over to the cops, like?????????? If you wanted to give her more screen-time you could've just had an extended sequence under the credits where they carry Tony's body down the street and show the devastated and ashamed reactions of the characters who weren't at that final confrontation aND WHY DO I HAVE TO EXPLAIN THIS TO A MAN WITH SIXTY YEARS OF DIRECTING EXPERIENCE???????

We don't talk about how Rent turned so many musical moments into dialogue for no apparent reason (but it was probably because they were COWARDS), making all of those scenes SO uncomfortable to watch because you could HEAR the actors ACTIVELY TRYING REALLY HARD to not sing them. Or how heavily auto-tuned Rosario Dawson was. Which isn't! Generally! Something!! You have to worry about! With professional! Stage productions! Because those casting teams actually care about their actors being able to, y'know, sing the songs for the role they're being cast in!

And none of that is even getting into the new songs that are often shoe-horned into the movie adaptations for the sole purpose of making the movie eligible for at least ONE of the music Oscars, because the only two options are either "ORIGINAL score" or "ORIGINAL song", both of which disqualify an adaptation using the music composed for the original theatrical production and the Oscars don't give enough of a shit about musicals to even PRETEND to consider thinking about discussing possibly deliberating a theoretical rule change.

Infuriatingly, Phantom was one of the few who actually took the sensible route and MADE THE NEW SONG THEIR CLOSING CREDITS SONG.

Anyway yes, pro-shots make sense in every way imaginable!

Including keeping Tom "I hate musicals but keep directing them for some reason and also don't understand how music in general works" Hooper away from directing another adaptation, just in case someone was thinking about giving him another chance after Cats.

People who honestly think there shouldn’t be a proshot release of theater shows because then people wouldn’t go to the theater anymore are so fucking dumb holy shit how dumb do you have to be did people stop watching footbal games because it also airs on tv? did people stop going to concers because you could get the dvd? holy shit just let poor people have a taste of the thing too god damn it

[confessionblog]

hello! i’ve been searching for a place like this to get this one thing off my chest. it really means so much to have a safe space like this. thank you for being here for people❤️

i’m actually quite paranoid about sending this, even if it’s anonymous. you may not want to reply publicly, if it’s as bad as i feel it is.

trigger warning for physical abuse and autistic trauma and meltdowns.

when we were younger, me and my brother shared a room, so we spent a lot of time together and were really close. i loved him loads (still do, even though we’ve drifted apart) but just like any average little brother, he had a habit of trying to annoy or disturb me, which didn’t pair well with me being a short-tempered, super sensitive and emotional (undiagnosed) autistic child. it led to me having uncontrollable bursts of anger.

i did eventually learn to manage my anger, regulate my emotions and cope in healthier ways, but to this day i’m haunted by how my rage would push me as far as h*tt*ng him, and sometimes ch*k*ng him. it was always for very brief, and i think i remember asking him about it years after it happened and him not remembering it, but i can’t imagine how scary and traumatising of an experience it must have been for him in the moment. so many years have passed but i still find myself thinking and feeling so guilty about it. the memories are just so vivid and ingrained in my brain, i can’t bring myself to describe them, they make me sick to my stomach. i’m so ashamed, i’ve never told anyone about this, and it feels like i’m hiding this huge terrible secret and just pretending to be a good person. because what kind of person does that? it’s such a fucked up thing to do, especially to someone you love. i know i was just a child (7-9) so i can’t treat it as though a sane, sober adult did it, but i still regret and hate myself for my actions. even back then, i hated myself for it. it was like a blind rage and the second it passed i would start crying, ridden with guilt, hugging him close, apologising profusely. how could i have done such a horrible thing? what’s wrong with me? i’m the world’s worst sibling, i deserve to be punished etc, etc. i literally remember thinking those things, and crying myself to sleep over it months and years down the line.

now that i’m older, i mourn that i wasn’t given the support i clearly needed for my behaviour back then. like, it’s not okay for a child that young to be so emotionally unstable and have such violent outbursts, right? i don’t blame or resent my parents, they didn’t always find out about these instances after all (when they did, they would just tell me not to take my anger out on my brother, and him not to purposely annoy me) but because they were so preoccupied with accomodating his undiagnosed but suspected autism, they failed to notice or accommodate mine (it presented differently in me, and in general i was a well-behaved and unproblematic child, and learned to mask early on. i bring this up not as an excuse, just to clarify and contextualise some things, because my brother would often overstimulate me on purpose e.g. by continuously poking/touching me, repeating noises after telling him i didn’t like them, and that’s what would set me off)

the memories flood back every few years, and sometimes i even feel bad for having stopped thinking about them, like i should be revisiting and mentally bullying myself over them every day, all the time, as a punishment or some kind of repentance? or that i don’t deserve to feel bad because i was the perpetrator not the victim.

it’s been so long but i don’t know if i’ll ever have the courage to address it with anyone in real life, especially my brother, who is a teenager now, going through a phase of shutting everybody out, and who i’m no longer close enough with to discuss such a heavy subject. maybe in the future, when it’s better for both of us? it horrifies me to imagine that he might still remember it, but it would probably be good for closure and healing any resentment in our relationship.

most of all though, i think i’m afraid that i’ll be seen as monstrous/evil or psychotic. is that melodramatic? i feel like even now that i’m an adult, i’ll somehow be persecuted for my actions, which is completely irrational, i know. i just still feel as though my reactions were inexcusable, and that i’m irredeemable as a person because of them. it still eats at me every time i’m reminded of it. but i was also just a kid, and that gives me so many conflicted emotions? we spent almost all of our time together, and he’d never listen when i verbally told him to stop several times, which is why i resorted to physical retaliation. but that doesn’t mean he deserved to be treated that way. should i have known better? were my parents not doing enough or was i the problem?

i don’t even know where i could’ve learned the behaviour from. maybe violent movies? my parents weren’t as strict with what i watched as they probably should’ve been because i was such a ‘mature’ child and, seemingly, didn’t mimic what i saw in television, so i got ‘free passes’. also, my parents didn’t physically abuse us, so it’s not a cycle or normalisation of violence or anything. they’d spanked us occasionally for discipline, but nothing serious. hitting/fighting between siblings wasn’t considered unusual, at least during younger years, amongst my family and such. but i ‘grew out’ of my reactive anger fairly quick, and i’d never lay a hand on a person now, especially not anybody i love. i don’t even raise my voice when people anger me now.

this is the first time i’ve ever acknowledged this outside of my own head. i might end up regretting choosing to dump it online, i feel like i’ll either get backlash and hate that’ll make me feel worse or armchair diagnoses that i’m a psychopath or something. but it’s easier this way and the best i can do in my circumstances (can’t afford a therapist at the moment) and honestly just cathartic to finally express all these thoughts and feelings that have been accumulating in me over the years. i’m by no means UNremorseful of what i did, but i don’t actually think i’m an awful human being, you know? i feel that way sometimes, but i know i’m not. a lot of this is my honest feelings and not meant to be taken as, like, i don’t know, performative self-loathing/remorse? i guess i can’t really prove that or control people’s opinions of me, but i can’t help wanting to be sincerely understood, especially over worst case scenarios like having my plain old venting and honesty interpreted as, like, some fucked up multilayer reverse psychology type manipulation tactics.

i would be incredibly grateful for advice, but even if this ends up being ignored, i’m just glad i was able to tell someone. perhaps this situation is not as serious as i feel it is and i’m blowing it out of proportion, or it is, but either way it’s been genuinely severely upsetting to me, and i hope to find a way to talk to someone about it and break it all down someday. for now i’m just here.

anyway.

tldr; i had unresolved anger issues as a kid stemming from my autism and my brother would often be the recipient of my violent outbursts/meltdowns. i’m still ridden with guilt and anxiety about it to this day, and feel like a bad person.

I was also an angry kid, and I think about it a lot too.

[kurt-wagner-official]

Post #122: EX issues 3-5

Those weird guys who were chasing baby Kylun (maybe? I refuse to google it) are with their boss, an old lady named Vixen, at the British superprison, where they start a breakout for unclear reasons. Excalibur arrives, but one the prisoners is Juggernaut. Brian starts punching him while Kitty, in a really cool moment, phases a truck full of escaping prisoners, causing the men to fly out and hit the ground. Kurt is in the fray, having a blast, while Meggan uses her weird empathetic shapeshifting thing to give herself Juggernaut muscles and powers until Rachel zaps his brain. Elsewhere, Widget is uncovered by a UFO hunter, who for his troubles gets zapped into Kylun dimension and meets Opal Lun Sat-Yr9, the AU Saturnyne who is going to get more annoying the more I have to type that out. Excalibur is moving all their stuff into the lighthouse, Brian accidentally drops Kitty's computer, damaging it, which makes her cry because Doug helped her program it. The lighthouse is very small and has one bathroom, which instantly causes problems. When Meggan tries to start and fire without a fireplace, for some reason, it catches on the crates of whiskey that Brian has in the living room. Rachel tosses it into the ocean cause she doesn't like it when he's drunk, which is very funny but also probably not the way to deal with your friend's alcoholism. Bria flies off angrily, leaving Meggan sad, but Kurt comforts her, giving the soft and genuine compliments that Brian never does. Kitty and Lockheed wander around after a power blackout and run into weird looking doppelgangers which then disappear, cause this is a very weird place. Brian, we learn, has gone off to hang out with Courtney and complain about how much Meggan loves him, which is a crazy coping strategy. Rachel interrupts to tell him about the Kitty incident, so he flies on back, but at that point nobody can find anything. He does apologize to Meggan, but doesn't tell her he was with Courtney. The team make up and decide to keep at it and try to work out the kinks of living together, cause they are having fun in between all the tension. It's a cute moment.

Courtney is attacked by the Crazy Gang, who include the guy from the first issue opening and who I have since learned are existing Captain Britain villains. So that opening scene was a teaser for Captain Britain fans, of which I am not one. Sorry Alan! The Gang are bad enough at being evil that Courtney is able to beat them up and run outside, where Arcade is waiting, having hired the villains. He actually was a Captain Britain villain first, so not that crazy a pull I guess. Kitty and Rachel are at Courtney's bank (which she owns apparently, good for her) and then go clothes shopping, where Rachel telekinetically changes Kitty's outfit for her and Kitty tells Rachel that she dresses really sexy. So there's that. When they go to pay, they discover Arcade replaced the money that they just got from the bank. Kurt is working out in the acrobat gym at the lighthouse when Meggan comes to hang out. They start goofing around, and he tickles her, and then they almost kiss when Brian gets home and calls out, wondering where they are. Meggan flies off, both of them ashamed. Kitty and Rachel arrive and fill everyone in on the fake money Arcade left, which has clues that lead to his location. When they get there, the Crazy Gang uses a device to swap their bodies with Excalibur, except for Kitty and Lockheed. Actually, right before that Rachel gets a psychic distress call from her baby brother, an early Inferno tie-in because that story has already started being published at this point. It's a weird little continuity thing, because Inferno was spread across many months but takes place in a short ammount of time. When it comes to event tie-ins back in the day, that's not really something anyone cared about, this was just a promotion for that story. Limbo has weird time fuckery so it's easier than usual to handwave it. Our heroes are taken prisoner in these almost useless bodies, brought into Murderworld along with Courtney.

Courtney is dressed up as Alice from Wonderland (the Crazy Gang are all Wonderland themed) and let loose with Excalibur, chased by the Crazy Gang in the heroes' bodies. Kitty reveals her own master plan; she and Doug created a code that would take control of Murderworld systems, as preparations for the next abduction, and she plugs it in, neutralizing Arcade's control. She then drops him in the middle of the amusement park. The Crazy Gang are still on the loose though. Courtney and Kitty team up and grab the body switch device, using it to reverse all the body swaps. They turn Arcade over to the cops while Brian flirts with Courtney in front of Meggan. Kurt and Brian go out to a bar, where Kurt tries to get him to be a better boyfriend. He tells Kurt that he feels overwhelmed by being Meggan's whole world, and I don't care. If he feels that way, he should break up with her. He flies off, and Kurt thinks about how his friend is a hero but out of touch with his own humanity. I love Kurt. Brian is off to hang out with his mistress, but before he arrives, Opal Lun Sat-Yr9 shows up at Courtney's apartment and kills her. When Brian shows up, Sat-Yr9 impersonates Courtney. Brian doesn't pick up on the deception, but he does think it's Saturnyne for a second, which is how we the readers learn they're identical, Courtney being the 616 version of Saturnyne. Brian never realized that his boss and his ex are the same person? He's the representation that the face-blindness community have been waiting for. So are the warwolves actually! Wow this book makes me feel so seen. Anyway, Brian and fake Courtney (I'm gonna call her Courtney cause I don't want type out the other name) make out, and it's implied they're about to fuck. This is a horrific violation of both the real Courtney and Brian, in addition to what Brian is doing to Meggan. It's honestly quite shocking to read as the finale to a silly Wonderland adventure. It was a fun little story till now though. I'm loving this book.

[timmburrton]

Character Representation: Cheshire the Cat

Name: Beau Ahnau

From Wellington, New Zealand

He // She // They || Pansexual || 23 {March 24 // Aries} || 5'10"

Occupation: Pole Dancer and Adult Film Actor {has an OnlyFans}

Appearance: Short Fluffy Black Hair {Normally Split Dyed Purple or Blue}, Crystal Blue Eyes, Ear Piercings, Small Finger Tattoos and Chest Tattoos, Wears a lot of Frilly and Feminine Clothes, Wears Barely Nothing//Skimpy Clothes, Corsets, Short Skirts, Short Shorts, Short Dresses, Fishnets, Thigh Highs, Necklaces, Soft Core, Pastels, Wears Pinks, White, Dark Blue and Purple, can Wear Punk Clothing Sometimes, Small New Zealand Accent

Personality: Mean, Hypersexual, Dirty Minded, Self Proclaimed Whore, can be a Dumbass, can be Really Nice When They Like you, Flirty as Fuck, Manipulative, Gaslighter

Likes: Sex, Dressing up, Naps, Pets, Cuddling, Barrel {Valentino}, Sunsets, When People do What They Want, Money

Dislikes: Appearing Inbetween Walls, Phasing Through Walls, Going to the Salon to get Groomed {Asks Val to do it Normally}, Not Materializing Completely, Being Teased by Someone he Doesn't Know

Values: Sex and Loyalty; She is a very sexual person, growing up near and surrounded by sex has influenced their outlook on sex. They see it as something natural and that everyone does and shouldn't be ashamed of. As much as they do like sex though they do value loyalty a lot. Being cheated on or used in the pass has made them very untrusting to people when wanting relationships so if they can trust you they will treasure it a lot.

Creature Info//Hybrid Info: They are a Sort of Cat Creature no one is Sure Where They Came From but They can Phase Through Things and People, Disappear and Reappear at Will and "Teleport", They are a Grey Tabby Cat Hybrid, Has Grey Pointed Ears, Sharp Fangs, Dark Blue Strips {With Some Purple} and Claws

NSFW: Switch {Hard Dom and Bratty Sub}; Size Kink, Breeding {Receiving and Giving}, Nicknames {Slut, Whore, Kitten, Princess, etc, Receiving and Giving}, Toys {Receiving and Giving}, Collaring {Receiving and Giving}, Bondage {Giving and Receiving}, Choking {Giving and Receiving}, Severe Marking {Giving & Receiving}, Praise {Giving and Receiving}, Humiliation/Degradation {Giving and Receiving}, Burning {Giving and Receiving}, Oral {Giving and Receiving}, Overstim {Giving and Receiving}, Edging {Giving and Receiving}, Pet Play {Kitten Baby, Giving and Receiving}, Pain Kink {Giving and Receiving}, Gun Play {Giving and Receiving}, Impact Play/Spanking {Giving and Receiving}, Auralism, Public {Giving and Receiving}, Being Recorded/Watched {Giving and Receiving}, Mirror Sex {Giving and Receiving}, Somonophilia, Dacryphilia, Autassassinophilia {All kinks go both ways. Might sub/dom drop on harder kinks}

Relations Within the bot: Valentino {Friends, Sweet Ankle Biter 💕}, Ain {Friends, Crazy Caretaker🥰}

Relationship: Unsure, Uninterested {0/?}

Sign off 🐈‍⬛Beau

Faceclaim: @/crypwolf & @/milkw0lf on Instagram