#he will not believe it! look at yjh! he's right there! does that look like some kind of gnome to you?!!

[ramblebrambleamble]

Somehow, several kkomas end up Loose in the Industrial Complex. Secretive Plotter zips them back up pretty quickly, but the whole time they were arguing loudly and incriminatingly with each other and now everyone knows who he is, but, more importantly. There is nothing he can say to anyone that will convince them that he is not, in fact, a conglomeration of gnomes in a trenchcoat.

[minisugakoobies]

two am | yjh

Pairing: Jeonghan x GNReader (afab)

Genre: smut, angst, porn with the barest of plot, exes to lovers, non-idol!AU

Rating: M (18+)

Warnings: late night texting, excessive use of the pet name 'baby,' fighting as foreplay, dirty talk, multiple references to reader's pussy, implied/referenced cheating, references to oral sex (reader receiving), slight exhibitionism, riding/grinding, nipple play (licking/biting/sucking), p in v protected sex, Jeonghan is bad for reader but they can't stay away

Word Count: 1.6k

Disclaimers: NSFW, obviously I don’t own SVT - they just inspire me

Summary: It's two am and your ex is texting you again.

Text Prompts: Both are in italicized pink font in the story.

A/N: I'm back with another installment in my SVT texts series. This one is dedicated to @minttangerines. HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUCE!! 🎉🎉 I brought you some toxic Jeonghan, hope you like him. 💜 Thank you for being such an amazing friend, tour guide, driver, and partner in crime. 😘

Soundtrack: 2AM by SZA; Sleazy Bed Track by the Bluetones

Unbeta’d as usual. If you like this, please let me know! I’d love to hear what you think (but please be kind I’m fragile 🥺) 💕

SVT Masterlist 💜 Main Masterlist

It’s nearly two in the morning when the warning pops up on your phone:

Cover your phone, explicit material coming your way

You barely have the time to excuse yourself from the table, heading in a panic towards the bathroom, before the next text from your ex arrives.

Jeonghan never includes his full face in his photos. It’s always just that maddening smirk of his, catching your eye first before it’s drawn down to the main focus - thin fingers wrapped around an obscene bulge, a darkened tip poking above the waistband of his boxers. 

You lock yourself in a stall and fire back.

You: You have to stop sending me these photos

Satan: That’s a rude way to say thank you

You: I’m serious, Jeonghan. We’re done

He doesn’t reply. You know better than to think he’s accepted your response. He’s refused to accept it for the last three months. 

Your phone chimes. Another photo. The boxers have been pulled down. You bite your lip, then catch yourself, snarling at your reflection on your screen.

You: I said stop!

Satan: That’s what you say now, but we both know that’s not what you’ll be saying later

You: There won’t be a later

You: Not this time

Satan: Really? You gonna tell me you don’t miss this cock?

Satan: That your pussy’s not already dripping imagining it inside you?

It’s the anger his words stir in you that’s making your pulse pound right now, you tell yourself.

You almost believe it. 

Satan: Come over, baby. Wanna make a mess of you like I did last time

You: Not. Happening.

Satan: You out with your friends again tonight? 

Of course he knows where you are. You’ve been going out with your friends every week since the breakup. Tonight’s the first night in a while that you’re sober, not in the mood to drink. This conversation is making you regret that. 

You: What does it matter if I am?

Satan: It’s almost closing time. Think you can find someone to take home?

Satan: Someone to make you forget about me? About how I fuck you?

Satan: You know no one can make you cum like me

To think his confidence is what once drew you to him. Now it repulses you, almost as much as your thighs suddenly clenching together does. 

You: You’re unreal

Satan: That’s right

You: That’s not a compliment

Satan: I know what you want

You: What I want is for you to fuck off forever

Satan: Baby please. Don’t pretend you don’t enjoy this

Satan: You can block me anytime you want. But you don’t

Satan: Why do you think that is?

You could answer him. Argue for a while, like you always do. Like you always did. It was the thing that the two of you did best - second only to fucking. You scroll upthread, looking at the last time you fought, reminding yourself how it ended:

Satan: Don’t tell me what to do

You: Eat me out

Satan: Okay tell me what to do

It’s not in your phone what happened next, but it’s seared into your memory, replaying behind your eyelids - lying on Jeonghan’s bed, legs splayed while he puts his wicked mouth to its best use. 

But you also remember the come down. The anger at your weakness. The shame. Knowing nothing has changed. That he hasn’t changed.  

You keep scrolling back, seeing the same thing over and over, watching the pattern repeat. You could stop it right now - end the conversation, delete him from your phone, and go rejoin your friends. That would be the smart thing to do. 

Satan: It’s okay, baby, you don’t have to admit it

Satan: Just come over and show me

If only you were smart.

“Mmmphm!”

The hem of your shirt makes a terrible gag, doing nothing to keep your volume down. Jeonghan’s head snaps up, gaze torn away from where he was watching himself disappear into you.

“Quiet, baby. Do you want them to hear you?” 

The “them” in question are his roommates, Joshua and Seungcheol, who are both sleeping on the other sides of the walls. Jeonghan would be sleeping in one of those bedrooms, too, if he wasn’t out here fucking you on the couch. Or, rather, sitting back and looking smug while you ride him on the couch. 

He knows you don’t want anyone to hear you, so you don’t bother to answer him, just glare while stuffing more of the already spit-soaked material into your mouth. His roommates would judge you for being here. Just like your friends did earlier, when you told them you were leaving. You said you were tired, but they’ve noticed your pattern too. And they’ve stopped trying to get you to break it, unwilling to expend their energy on such an impossible task. 

That’s fine. You don’t need to drag anyone else down to the bottom with you.

Jeonghan runs his fingertips over the exposed skin of your stomach, chuckling when you shiver. 

“Always so sensitive,” he tuts, shaking his head. 

He cups your breasts with his warm hands, pushing your shirt up further until the chilly night air hits your nipples, then bends his head down enough to lightly graze one with his teeth. You gasp, nearly dropping your impromptu gag, and Jeonghan pauses with his lips near your other tit, looking up at you, saying nothing, but his eyes communicate so clearly what he’s thinking - Be good, baby. 

If your relationship was a song, that was his refrain:

Be good, baby, I have to work late this weekend.

Be good, baby, I’m going out for drinks with some coworkers.

Baby, she’s just a friend. Don’t worry. Be good for me.

Despite everything, a part of you still yearns to be good for him. So you bite down harder. 

Jeonghan hums in approval. His mouth latches onto your other nipple, sucking lewdly, not much quieter than your whining has been. Hypocrite. You close your eyes, trying to shut out your loud as fuck thoughts and focus on the wet warmth of his tongue as it laves over and around your nipple a few times, in broad, messy strokes.

You arch into him, lacing your fingers through his hair to try to hold him in place. But like always, he can’t be tamed, lifting his head to smirk at you. You whimper, and he smiles harder, arms wrapping around your waist, pulling you to his hungry mouth. You eagerly lean forward as your shirt falls from your jaw. 

Jeonghan’s kisses overwhelm your senses until you’re drowning in him. His tongue glides like honey, thick and slow, melting over yours, and you groan, grinding on him slowly.

This is what you needed. Even after all that went down, all the lies, all the tears, you still crave him, body and soul. If this is the only way that you can have him, this two a.m. interlude, then you’ll take every second you can, ignoring the little voice whispering that you’ll regret them all.

“That’s it, just like that.” Jeonghan looks down again, mesmerized by the smooth roll of your hips. His fingers sink into the flesh of your ass, hard enough that you know you’ll still feel his touch tomorrow. “Fuck yes, baby, ride it.” 

He guides you up and down his shaft, the wet sounds of your cunt sliding over him embarrassingly loud in the still room, and you let him control the pace, all your concentration on his lips - kissing them, nibbling them, sucking on them one by one. Trying desperately to get your fill of them, of him, because this is it. This is the last time. You swear it. 

Maybe this time, it will stick.

Jeonghan’s thumb rolls over your clit, making you gasp into his mouth. He does it again, and again, and just like that you’re falling apart, body singing electric as he lights up your nervous system with his touch. He keeps thrusting up into you, taking control again as you tremble above him, and you know he’s reaching his crest, the familiar signs too obvious to miss. He drops his head, muttering an endless stream of ‘fuck’s and ‘baby’s in that choked voice of his, and then his hands lock your hips in place, as deep as he can get as he fills the condom he wears.

It’s always intense, this moment, when it comes. The two of you, breathing heavy and spent, clinging to each other as you ride out the waves, like you’re hanging on for dear life. Or maybe that’s just you. Because you know that once the high is gone…

“Knew this pussy missed me.”

…the lows return.

Jeonghan laughs when you push yourself off his chest. He pinches your ass cheek for good measure, and you scowl, scrambling to climb out of his lap as quickly as you can, which is pretty difficult given your loose limbs. 

“Don’t say that.” 

Jeonghan watches with simmering amusement as you dress hastily, fumbling with your bra to the point that you nearly decide to leave it. “But it’s true.” 

“No, it’s not, and besides, it’s fucking gross when you talk like that. Like I’m not a person or something.” 

“Whatever.” He’s already losing interest, reaching for his phone. No need to argue anymore. He got his. 

You can’t get your clothes on fast enough. “Stop sending me photos. Don’t text me again.” 

You might as well be talking to the couch. He hums mechanically, scrolling away. “Lock the door on your way out.”

In the elevator, your finger hovers in its usual spot over the delete button. 

A chime. Jeonghan’s mouth, tongue extending between the peace sign he’s flashing, followed by four words: Sweet dreams, baby. 

You slip your phone back into your pocket as you descend.

If you liked this fic, please consider reblogging! Likes do not help it get seen by other readers. 💕

© 2024 by minisugakoobies. Crossposted to AO3. Please do not copy or repost. I do not allow translations of my work.

[ace-of-crow]

*spoilers btw* So we know that Orv is essentially a self insert fic of twas right? So kdj sees himself not as a character but more as an onlooker who can influence things. He doesn’t even really see himself as a “person”(due to his past and being a constellation and what not). This definitely effects how he sees his relationships with yjh and the others. He believes that yjh hates him. Because In his mind how could a “character” especially one kdj has loved and idolized so much for so long care about a “non-character” like him? One reason for this way of thinking is how he sees himself. He has a deep self hatred of himself(that I feel like he’s not fully aware of) which is shown when he meets younger him and tried to kill him even as everyone tried to get him to stop and has already forgiven himself. In the face of his vulnerability and powerlessness he tries to kill it(and himself).some part of him hates himself for everything bad that’s happened. A part of him hates himself for what his dad did and for everything that happened before the novel started taking place. (I’m not going to get into how it must have felt for oldest dream in this moment. I could tho) if a new “character” showed up that was EXACTLY like kdj in his mind it would be obvious for yjh to trust him and care for him. But bc kdj isn’t a “character” he doesn’t believe that it’s possible for yjh to trust and care for him (even when shown otherwise).

One of the things that makes kdj so tragic is that his idea of a good story is one where his companions don’t care wether he lives or does. It’s one where everyone gets their happiness except him. In his eyes his death shouldn’t matter to them bc he’s not a incarnation he’s not a “character” hes someone they shouldn’t care about and some part of him believes he doesn’t *deserve* happiness. His self loathing and tendency to sacrifice himself bc he believes the others shouldn’t care makes me want to bang my head into a wall over and over and over until my reality changes so they have a happy ending and yjh and kdj get married and live happily ever after with their 2 children(WHO THEY LOVE EQUALLY IM LOOKING AT YOU KDJ)

(Sorry if this made no sense. I’m not good at putting thoughts into words lmao)

[lee-hakhyun]

um. side story

yjh tells lhh that they'll go to gwanghwamun in an hour, and lhh leaves and checks his phone. seems the app is shared over star relics too. dkos peeks at the app and figures out his skill. seems it really is only serialized while he's awake ... who is serializing it??? han sooyoung? lhh asks dkos. sure, she may have died in front of lhh but.. is she really gone? wouldn't kdj know, being the oldest dream? wait. if kim dokja was split up, and his sponsor is the 'demon king of salvation',... lhh asks what grade dkos is. myth grade, right?

dkos ignores the question, and tells lhh to use his free comment passes. not myth grade, then. the first two comments aren't anything substantial ("demon king of salvation! demon king of salvation! demon king of salvation!"), but the third one,

"that's not the demon king of salvation i knew."

kdj unexpectedly agrees. and starts talking about yjh in twsa. joonghyukie was softer in the ealier regressions, joonghyukie is still very loyal, etc etc until he asks if lhh is actually listening

checking the last comment, the commenter mentions they feel sorry for lhh being on the verge of death again. uh oh. lhh tells kdj that the latest chapter describes the near future, to which kdj compares the skill to anna croft's precognition. lhh confirms that the chapters' progression is pretty slow, so dkos says the danger probably wouldn't be related to a scenario then. so what's the problem this time?? lhh did avoid dying to yjh...

dkos asks if 'that' has started yet. ??? lhh asks him to elaborate but dkos tells him, you know, it's not easy for constellations to give out information—

the smartphone sparks, and an error in midday tryst occurs. hello?? there's no indirect messages either. dkos probably got hit by a probability aftermath, they were chatting in real time after all... and oh! shin yoosung!!

the last time lhh had seen sys, she definitely wasn't the 41st. but looking at her now, there's no golden glow in her eyes. if 3rd sys is gone, did something happen to kimcom..? lhh asks if sys remembers taming the ancient nagak, and she says she does. but that it wasn't her. ...she was aware? lhh asks her to elaborate, and after hesitating to figure out how to explain it she says it's like a [taming] bond with her from another world? does that make sense? lhh tells her he believes her. sys says then that the other her had said she could trust ahjussi, and that she wouldn't be able to come for a while...

lhh doesn't know what happened with sys, but until she left she had cared for lhh. sys asks one more question.

"who is kim dokja?"

ah? where did she hear about kdj? lhh starts to answer, but stumbles. sys grabs him but points to his neck. there's blood? no, it's... story fragments? lhh pushes sys away as sparks begin to fly throughout his body. the star stram has determined the grade of the story he got for defeating the outer god. his feat has given him a story, but. not all stories are beneficial to the owner.

lhh was given a story with a temporary judgment of semi-myth-grade, 'heir to the eternal name'.

what yoo hoseong of the island of reincarnators had said came to mind. those who could not control their story would end up being consumed by it. this story was too much for lee hakhyun.

「if y ou are sup pos ed to be 49%, then yo u shou ld al so ha ve th is」

lhh remembers what 49% was like. 49's story gradually broke down. lhh's body is suddenly unstable. this was his price for declaring that he would be 'kim dokja'.

system messages tell him that he is currently an incomplete 'kim dokja'. to survive, he had to collect additional kim dokja fragments. if he doesn't collect a new fragment in 50 minutes, he'll die.

dansu ahjussi, kyung sein, and killer king are seen rushing to him, but he couldn't greet them when his story was commanding him.

become the singular kim dokja, by eliminating all the other kim dokjas.

[time remaining until death: 49:51]

[sea-moon-star]

To You || YJH

Pairing: Boyf! Jeonghan x f.reader

Genre: Fluff, slight angst (barely), slice of life

WC: 1k

Summary: What does Jeonghan have up his sleeves for your date night? Him taking care of you after a long day at work by cooking Korean comfort food for you (Mayhaps pranking you!)

A/N: Thanks to Elle's Mama I made it video for being the inspiration for chef & domestic Hannie! This is as self indulgent as I could ever be. 🌊🌙⭐️

-----------------------

Y/N's POV

I had to pinch myself when I entered the house after a particularly long day of work, to the aroma of food coming all the way to the front door. Jeonghan was so busy focusing on the simmering tteokboki & ramen on the stove while he prepped for the gimbap ingredients that he didn’t even notice that I’d come home. I went upstairs and freshened up, only to come down and see him in the same position as I’d left him, with his brows furrowed in concentration as he prepared his gimbap. Earlier, he’d been chopping the veggies but now he was rolling them up carefully, as if he was on Masterchef about to impress Gordon Ramsey himself.

I chuckled to myself as I decided to lay out the table in the meanwhile, not wanting to shift his focus from the task. I put a bunch of roses inside the vase that lay in the centre of our dining table, it was our little ritual where I got him a new bouquet of roses because it was his favorite flower and it reminded us of an inside joke we had while drunk watching the bachelorette, he’s said that if he ever starred in the show, he’d win all the roses and break the competition because no man would ever stand a chance against him. Usually I wasn’t one to further boost his ego but drunk me had all but agreed wholeheartedly and since then, I’d always given him roses on date nights like this one.

As I opened the cabinet to remove a favorite bottle of red, one that he loved along with two wine glasses, I couldn’t help but get a bit distracted myself. It’s not like this was new but everytime I saw him, I couldn’t quite believe that the Angel of SVT, the man who stole the heart of Carats worldwide, Yoon Jeonghan was just standing there in our shared kitchen, making me dinner for our date night. He looked gorgeous, even as a sheen of sweat covered his forehead, a stray lock from his messy bun covered his face & he struggled to pull up his sweater sleeves to keep them from getting dirty as he cooked. I couldn’t believe this man in a bunny apron, still managed to look that sexy & that he was not a figment of my imagination but he was real, he was mine… it felt incredulous.

In my bid to not look away from him, even for a second, I failed to see that I hadn’t closed the overhead cabinet & bumped right into it. Despite the initial shock & the tiny exclamation of pain that left my lips, I felt shaked but relieved, knowing that the bottle of wine & glasses were unscatched. I had managed to hold onto them before they toppled over so there was no damage done. In the flash moment that I managed to keep the glasses & wine on the table, while steadying myself, he was there in front of me, as one hand reached above my tiny 5 foot frame to close the cabinet doors, the other hovered protectively over my head, keeping me from getting hurt again.

“Are you okay? When did you come? Why didn’t you tell me you were home?” He said, his voice laced with worry while looking me all over for any bruises. “I’m okay, it’s not a big deal. Don’t worry, I saved the alcohol, not a drop wasted!” I said, & chuckled in an attempt to lighten the mood. “Eyyy, that’s not what I’m concerned about, you know that! Look at that, you’ve grazed your head! Stay still, let me fix that, jagi." I blushed in a way that might’ve outdone the red on the table, as he traced the cut on my forehead gently with his cold fingers & despite my million protests, proceeded to put a cute animal band-aid on it.

He always kept a band-aid in his wallet, not even the first aid box, it was one of the first things I’d noticed when I’d met him. For all his aloof, savage & mischievous behavior, he was the first to come to anyone’s rescue if they were hurt, like the time Soonyoung had scratched his nose with their SVT ring & Hannie had been the one to give him the band-aid. I ended up smiling, thinking of that kind gesture as he glared at me in anger, “Yah! Where is your attention? This is no joke. What on earth has you this zoned out!? “I’m sorry, it’s not my fault that I have a visual like you as my boyfriend, it’s only human for me to get carried away.” I answered sheepishly. He tried to keep his poker face intact but I knew him too well to see the corner of his lips were turning upwards, that he was fighting the urge to smirk. “What am I going to do with you? Bubbleproof you? Sigh! The food’s getting cold, just sit down & no, I don't need your help, don't even say it. Just stay here & don’t touch anything, don’t move, don’t breathe- I’ll be back.” He said & I could swear I heard a small laugh as he went to the kitchen to bring the dishes.

I played, our song- “To you by SVT” in the background, to set the mood for our date as he gave me a plateful of food & gestured at me to begin eating. He wanted me to take the first bite & tell him how it tasted so I abided. I eagerly reached out for the gimbap, my favorite item. But when I bit into it, I tasted a mouthful of carrots, Han & I both hated carrots so it was quite the sight to see as I forcefully tried to stuff down the gimbap while he laughed his ass off. “How dare you!? Jeonghan!!” I screamed as I gulped some wine to wash down the taste. “You’re one to talk, you’re the one who gave me a heart attack a while earlier, this is just an equalizer.”

I pouted, accepting my defeat, knowing this was just his way of showing his care & affection. I’d signed up for this, not just the visuals or the kindness, but the pranks too, I loved him for all of it. “You win, Hannie-1, Y/N-0. Happy?” I replied, a smile on my face because I’d eat as many of these carrot filled gimbaps if it put a grin on the face of the man I loved the most.

THE END. 🌊🌙⭐️

[directorofthefalselastact]

(it's crying over yma hour) it almost feels like yjh doesn't rly see her as a person. like kdj did with him in the beginning. he's trained, fought and killed children, but yma is different. she's never been his companion. she's his precious sister. she sits in relative safety and waits for him and that's All. even in the epilogues he just leaves her. and then leaves again. is there any attachment left or he's just going through the motions? did he hide his heart from pain too deeply? mia... OTL

hmm... to this i would say... he does and he doesn't. the thing about yoo joonghyuk is that he is unfortunately a bit of a solipsist. and i mean, why not, right? take a look at the thoughts kim dokja overhears in theater dungeon. he does, to some extent, consider himself to be the only real person in the world. and when you're a person who dies and reawakens in a world where everyone you lost has returned to your side... how real would they feel after enough repetitions of this? on the other hand, i don't think that yoo joonghyuk ever truly disconnects from the world around him. think of when he warns kim dokja of what loss can do to a person. he says, again in his own words, that losing something a hundred times doesn't make it losing it again hurt any less. he has memories he considers precious, memories that are such a sacrifice to lose that he has an entire skill that converts them into incredible power. in every regression, yoo joonghyuk takes his companions somewhere they can rest, and have fun.

and i would say... what difference does it make to yoo joonghyuk that yoo mia is a sister and not a companion? she too is a person who simply appeared in his life one day. just as kim namwoon and lee jihye and lee hyunsung did. as his sometimes wife, sometimes enemy did. even if she doesn't carry a blade at his side, she carries his reality with her: a brother who's far, far older than the man who made her breakfast every day in their little home. even the ever-stranger yoo joonghyuk is her brother, not anyone else's. they both understand what it means to leave.

i choose to believe in the warmth he feels for her, no matter how small. even if it's going through motions, they're the most important motions in the world.

[mhaynoot]

It can be argued that while Yoo Joonghyuk represents surviving under the cruel eye of an audience and Kim Namwoon the choice to hide under a delusion in order to survive an abusive situation, Lee Jihye could represent the guilt of living on through the sacrifice of another. As for Lee Hyunsung, he may represent may represent the difficulty of leaving the world that you’ve managed to comfortably craft for yourself in order to live in the cruel reality, as evident in the Master of Steel arc. We could extend this even further to Yoosung, who as a child has to live knowing there’s blood on her hands and believing herself to be bad, and to Uriel in that the act of observing another’s story does not necessarily denote you as cruel, and in fact can be a sign of your empathy as well.

In short, tls123 may have crafted key characters in the world of Three Ways to Survive the Apocalypse to represent specific facets of Kim Dokja as an individual, thus strengthening his ability to attach himself to the story even further and allows the author to construct the messages she intended to convey to her reader as best she could. In this essay I will

a-anon? you could've at least asked me on a date first before proposing

if this is a seduction technique you're winning because im demi but if you keep talking about your essay, I'll fucking kneel on the ground for you anon alskdkd

okay youre so right though

hsy wrote wos so that kdj could survive, she embodied each character with the intent to help kdj live.

yoo joonghyuk was his ideal, his brother, his father, his oldest friend. kdj wanted to become him, wanted to continue living, to surviving just like him.

okay, essentially, another lense you can consider in this point is how all the other original wos characters and their relationship with yjh is also pivotal in constructing hsy's message and intent so that kdj can survive. for example, there's already so many jokes about kim namwoon being hsy insert of kdj and thats why kdj hated knw so much but its a perfectly good point. knw was a delusional chuuni who distorted the world and socially acceptable morals so much into his own ideals to simply survive. but he was a kid, a teenager. he lived an okay life but was thrust into hell. and yoo joonghyuk always picked him up, always picked him and saved him and took him under his wings. even when he became mad when using the power of abyssal black flame dragon, yjh always picked him up. kdj seeing someone so close to him hated knw and yet was extremely jealous and longing for that level of reassurance. even if he was useful, kdj couldn't understand why this chuuni delulu was always picked by yjh but saw that his idol did. and kdj was saved knowing that if someone as annoying as knw could be useful, he could be too.

likewise, lee jihye represents surviving at the cost of someone else's sacrifice but also another representative of kdj's longing for a mentor figure. she and knw who yjh always picked and, while in the later regressions he used them, in the beginning he still looked after them, raised them through the hell of scenarios. these early regression chapters would have also been released during kdj's high school, where under the reign of his bullies and right after his attempt, kdj probably read this and saw himself in knw and ljy's place, being cared for by yjh.

everything you said about lee hyunsung is perfect but another aspect you can consider is that while he was comfortable in his life as a soldier, lhs also kinda hated it i think? i always thought he didnt like it and in my interpretation he thought following orders and being part of the military was all he could be and restricted himself to that label because going beyond that was confusing and scary ordeal. ahem, parallels to kdj who restricted himself to the label of murderer's child and the other labels he attached to himself later on which always made him into a villain of his own inner narration. additionally, kdj's time in the military was also terribly unlucky, horrible and he despised it. maybe reading about lhs's juxtaposing feelings of both comfort and dislike was another source of comfort for kdj while he was in the military.

lhs' relationship with yjh was probably closer to that of a comrade but still someone who was guided by yjh. he was yjh's and party's strongedt shield. he was also their strongest sword. lhs is a loyal, upright man but even he could kill for the sake of love.

ah mmm sys is a complicated matter while yes she is a blood stained child who was definitely a companion to yjh for some regressions, she was also the calamity for quite a few of them and someone who yjh killed as a child so that her future self didn't wreck the world. which is ... wow foreshadowing for kdj and od i guess. but she was also someone who loyally followed her captain, who spent thousands of years in the dark of the universe to bear him information, who gladly discarded herself for him. allsk more parallels wow.

you're definitely right about uriel being a representative of how not all constellations are cruel even in the og!wos. even if yjh still hated them, he could not hate uriel or kdj later on. otherwise his 999th turn, he would not have given his all to his companions which included her too. because even though she was a viewer of his story, she loved the story. while our perception of uriel is mostly based on how she is in the 1864th turn, from what we saw of 999th and 1863rd turn, we know of her passion, her grief, her destruction and her love. that for all her power, she still could not save the two she loved in those turns. she could not save her eden.

but yeah sorry that was a gigantic ramble i dont even know made any sense, anyways anon about that wedding-

[orviposition]

What trope would you put Joongdok in?

i honestly think that when it comes to joongdok it would be much easier if i answered with the tropes i WOULDNT put them in 😭😭

oh boy here i go! let's start with two of the most obvious first:

1. matching outfits with opposite color schemes, and 2. opposites (leo & aquarius) attract (<- attract as in lowkey bordering in codependency)

yin & yang - not only are joongdok aesthetically yin&yang but narratively too (i mentioned in a previous ask that they're sky & earth too)

star-crossed - (if you believe in orv's sad ending)

life (and death) companions - is probably a trope on its own considering the meaning of the title. not only does it mean (i ran the term through a thesaurus so yall don't have to 👍🏻👍🏻) "a romantic partner with whom one is exceptionally or uniquely compatible or has a special connection" but the synonyms are also of the romantic variety ranging from (but not limited to) life partner, best friend, soulmate, spouse, true love, one's promised, significant other, love of one's life, beloved, heart's desire etc (long story short, pretty sick tbh. no wonder kr dudebros threw a fit in singshong's comment section over it. i get it) and what makes it infinitely funnier is that it started as crack being treated seriously 😭😭😭😭

anyway, continuing where i left off, Soulmates - kdj is the reason yjh exists. yjh is the reason kdj lives. (hsy wrote both of them in a way that they became each other's salvation hence their position of reader-protagonist gets switched in the epilogue and both of them have admitted that reading about the other's story has saved their lives)

everyone ships them/everyone can see it - uriel, gabriel, ljh, hsy, jhw, lsh, anna croft, persephone/hades (the third eligible candidate to marry kdj was yjh and you will never be able to convince me otherwise. also if you have an answer other than yjh ur wrong), yma (if webtoon dares not to draw the "oppa looks happy when thinking about that ahjussi" you'll see me on the news) the wenny king. heck even gong pildu, upon some consideration and by method of elimination, deduced that theres no way kdj has enough rizz to pull neither ysa nor hsy therefore who was left to be the one who helped kdj birth his "child" (kidified sp) ??? yjh obv 😭😭 and why would he question the possibilities of mpreg when hmo is right there anyway. heck hmo even told kdj that he should try it.

when one is hurt/dying/dead, the other rages, panics, is extremely distressed - (maybe there's a shorter way to say this like "who did this to you" but joongdok have ascended past cheesy romances 😝) disaster of flood arc, aftermath of dark castle, the fight with surya, 1863, aftermath of sp's kidnapping etc

hates everyone but you - sure yjh doesnt hate All constellations but he for sure hates all demon kings. (mini fun fact about me, up until joongdok rebranded my brain, i didnt like this trope)

aloof x low self-esteem = both emotionally constipated ����🙄

derogatory term becomes a term of endearment - fool/sunfish (bastard)

bickering like a married couple - is this a trope? well it is now

denial of attraction/closeness - just two men who most definitely never lie when it comes to their feelings

identity theft - without malicious intent (i hope!! *stares at all the atrocities kdj has committed using yjh's name*)

masterchef x disaster in the kitchen - very, very, very simplified version of the trope. wouldnt call kdj a disaster but definitely a worse cook than yjh (subtrope would be [pro-gamer x game tester])

famous x fan - lol "famous"

annoying x annoyed - (kdj: breathes. yjh: ugh drop dead. kdj: drops dead. yjh: wait no-💢)

A thinks B will be happy without him / B doesn't know how (doesn't want) to live without A - 51kdj seeing 49kdj leave with yjh and the others, thinking that he and yjh will set on a journey together to find tls123 / museum fight

will sacrifice everyone/everything for the other - *cracks knuckles* when 41st sys tries to give yjh a 2nd chance to save himself and his old companions and all he had to do was say that kdj isn't his companion. when kdj admits that 1863rd hsy's plan to see the ending of the scenarios is smart and well-thought out but because that world doesn't need yjh he doesn't cooperate. (side story spoilers below, but when you think about it long enough the side story came to be because yjh spread orv to lhh's worldline. all the deaths happening because yjh needs to collect a fragment of kdj's soul from that world)

speaking of lhh, reincarnation - now hear me out. not your typical reincarnation but bcs we know that 49kdj's wish was to reincarnate into someone that doesn't have anything to do with kimcom -> subtrope: doesn't want to be found / is found

amnesia - 0 is also not your typical amnesiac

god x god's favorite

age gap - theyre both the same age and simultaneously have age gap(s) make of that what you will

important symbol - (object) pocket watch

glucose guardian - listen!! listen!! sp/kdj and 0/51 exist okay

harem - sorry i couldnt help it

[pigeonsatdawn]

law school ep 15 (and solhwi overall)

gonna put in my two cents for the line that singlehandedly caused the solhwi nation to implode.

(apologies in advanced because my thoughts are too messy for me to neatly put it in a post but i want to say it anyway—also this is just the way i view solhwi so please don't come screaming at me if you disagree!)

i'm a diehard solhwi shipper and i love their relationship, and think they have one of the best relationships out there in the fictional world, and also definitely one of the healthiest. but to me, their relationship extends far beyond the romantic relationships we so often see portrayed in media.

kim beom said in one interview that this relationship between HJH and KS is kin to that of a soulmate relationship that's not necessarily romance, and i find myself agreeing with that notion. while soulmates are typically used to describe romantic partnerships, it doesn't necessarily have to start with romance. (many people have pointed this out in other posts so i won't go further down the fact that HJH x KS's relationship is a friends-to-lovers slow burn but you get me.)

but in fact, this bond between soulmates (or at least how i define it), in my opinion, is far beyond what we usually see in romance. as in, it's not just someone you like, but it's someone whose changed your life in a certain way. i know some may be averse to the idea of having to change for the one you love because loving is the notion of accepting someone in spite of the person's flaws, but what i mean is that when you love someone in this way, you want to change because of them. you see them, and they inspire you, and you grow in your own way. once again—growth is a very subjective idea, and even for HJH and KS we can see them grow in different directions—but we can clearly see how they have impacted each others' lives.

it's quite obvious, imo, how KS's life has been impacted by HJH's. she's,, not the "smartest" out there, and we can't deny that. we know she probably won't make it through law school if not for HJH's help. HJH is always there, a step ahead of KS, but he's not just being proud about it, instead opting to help her understand what the laws are and why they are the way they are, which KS especially needs, being a particularly empathic person. but we've also seen that HJH has helped KS beyond simply academics. he's always been there to protect her—almost all their interactions have proven that (the camera outside her house, the hungover soup, the switching seats—i think literally everything?..?..?.??). maybe she doesn't necessarily need protection, but surely thanks to his protection she's much better than she might've been without, especially knowing her terribly miserable life.

but i often wonder why HJH is so heart-eyes of KS of all people. i mean, i know love is love and sometimes you just catch feelings, but i believe there's more meaning behind their relationship than meets the eye. like you don't just look at someone so lovingly for it to be just a crush, y'know? the first reason that comes to mind is clearly simply KS's amicable personality. she definitely stands out: she's not that intelligent, struggling and barely surviving, but she has insane passion to pull through even despite truth attacks (like SJH saying she should reconsider her life decisions, saying that a chance of passing isn't something to be proud of, etc). she treats everything with such a positive outlook, and, well, KS is just an adorable human, so it's hard not to have a little crush her.

what makes KS stand out most, the core of her personality, is that she has hope, despite everything. she's been through shit because of her circumstances—left by her twin sister without a word, been in juvie, has no money to deal with it—you know, entire backstory. but instead she fights her weakness, even though she feel like it should've been her sister, even though she's not smart enough, because she has to do this. she keeps going, even though things keep turning out for the worse for her, holding hope when circumstances are most dire. but why? because she strives for justice. she doesn't want to be wronged. she wants the law to own up its mistakes, wants to make sure the law gets its own revenge. that's why she wants to work in law, yeah? and so she keeps fighting, even when hope seems lost.

okay but why did i mention this? because i think this is what HJH sees in KS. why? because this is what he needs.

HJH had lost hope. in an episode (i don't remember which), he mentioned he doesn't trust anyone, and it's obvious why: his uncle. it's the worst kind of betrayal that causes your ideals being burned down. he realized that even people who work in law can be corrupt, people who he thought he could trust above all others, people who seemed utterly good. and then he just begins to regard everyone with baseline amity, and no further. many have pointed out he doesn't have real friends (other than KS), even though he looks outgoing and friendly. it's not quite shown, but it must've been lonely. and a lonely fight, trying to prove that he will be a better prosecutor than his uncle was. and we know that HJH's nature as a person is to be calculating, objective, seeing things through facts and statistics; it's what makes him so intelligent. what that also makes him is realistic, and more often than not, that is almost equal to pessimistic—because reality just... sucks, as has been proven by the betrayal of his uncle. and further into the drama we see only more corrupt people in the business, so we certainly don't get out hopes fueled.

there's scarcely anyone in what we see who's actually pursuing law because they're passionate about the law, or if they are, they're not often very... human in doing it. examples: YJH, SJH, KSB are all very cold and indifferent types, people who really just come and do what they do, focus on studies (in the case of YJH, his teaching), and interactions with others are treated as "lesser". SJH and KSB in particular—they're good at the law, sure, but they seem to prioritize their position in law first and foremost. SJH and KSB don't hesitate to call out their losses, and even would rather not intervene for justice if it meant their position would be compromised. not that they're bad characters, not at all; i mentioned them simply to compare them to KS, who, despite not having the brains to do half the things she's supposed to do and earning herself nosebleeds everytime she tries, still does what she does for justice, passionately, hopefully, all for righteousness.

okay this was longer than i intended WHEW so i'll cut to the chase: long story short, HJH needs KS because KS gives him hope. hope of a humanity where people actually work in law and choose to fight for justice against all odds, even if the system itself is infiltrated by filth and corruption. KS is someone who, in her first lecture, was grilled the fuck out by Yangcrates, yet the first thing she does after she nearly throws her guts out is ask HJH whether he can tutor her. she does not ever lose hope, and that, truly, is what stands out to HJH, what he needs.

and KS needs HJH because he is her hope as well! hope by itself does no good if you can't actually do something about it, and KS knows this. HJH, despite seemingly just being someone to help her in her studies, is someone she needs if she wants to achieve her goals, if she wants to get back on the law the right way. which is why, in the end, KS and HJH are, while independent in their own way, dependent on each other in terms of their growth—KS gives HJH hope in humanity, HJH helps KS realize (make real) her hopes that would have been dreams if not for her.

oh my god i've rambled on this long without stating my point: THE DAMN LINE.

HJH saying he owes her makes sense in this light because, indeed, KS's positive outlook in everything keeps him going. it gives him a reason to keep wanting to work in law, because she is a reason to believe in goodness and justice, that there will be people who keep fighting for justice against all odds. he owes this to her—and perhaps that is why he goes all out to help her achieve that hope, perhaps that's why he goes out of his way to care for her. because they are each other's missing puzzle piece, the other half. soulmates.

sigh ok this was long ONE FINAL POINT. everyone has their own opinion on a solwhi ending, so i might as well chip in mine.

certainly, as a solhwi shipper, i want them to end up together. i believe they're really the best of soulmates, two people who just complement each other so well. but in the current timeline, them having a romantic relationship out of the blue would be,,, simply unnecessary, imo. they're still very much in the stage of friendship, and are both dealing with their own personal baggage, that shoving a romance would just take away the focus from their growth. i personally think even this platonic relationship is already a beautiful one, one that outshines many of the romances i've watched, even without having to flood everything under the romance light—which i think many can agree with me, seeing as how solhwi is shipped so much. i still want to see them end up together, though, so SEASON TWO LAW SCHOOL MANIFESTATION. please please please directors writers make it happen i am begging you. thank you.

sorry for this long ass post, thank you if you do read it and leave any thoughts! again this is just my opinion, you're free to let me know if you think differently or anything, or shoot me a message if you want to scream about solhwi or whatever i'm just solhwi brainrot 24/7 🤸🏻‍♀️

[your--isgayrights]

How about 999 yjh and uriel?

This went a bit past just 999, but I had fun with this prompt! Here's some cannon based Jonghyuk angst with happy ending lol.

The nine hundred ninety ninth regression was one that Yoo Jonghyuk planned based on his previous regressions, as he always did.

Although, it wasn't as if the previous two regressions, the nine hundred ninety seventh and eighth, were really the worst the starstream had seen of Yoo Jonghyuk. That title would probably be saved for the forty-first from which Yoo Jonghyuk was conscious of the fact he had to deliberately block memories from to stay sane.

No, the problem with the last two regressions wasn't the presence of any memories that were wretched to the point of novelty. The problem was the fact that Yoo Jonghyuk barely retained any memories of them at all.

It was all a haze… it was honestly hard to tell if those regressions had been even markedly different from the ones previous to them, as all of the repeated events seemed to mush together and meld with the centuries of anguish he had already endured.

He hadn't felt anything new. Done anything new. So much so that he would forget his place in the new regression and wander aimlessly thinking of the old until some high level constellation punk got a lucky shot at him.

And then all of a sudden, Yoo Jonghyuk woke up in that familiar train car. The one that no matter what would only last for the first thirty minutes of the scenario.

Almost out of habit, he looked for that boy he had been keeping an eye on. The one who always died.

He stopped when he realized.

999.

That boy had died one thousand times.

Yoo Jonghyuk had lived one thousand times. Been in this train car one thousand times. Failed to save anyone one thousand times. Died one thousand times.

Was he really that useless? Yoo Jonghyuk thought to himself, as he went through the motions of beating Choi Han-gyu to death before he could blow up the car.

Honestly, at this point maybe he should accept that he was just like the boy in this car.

No matter what he did, he was going to die anyway.

If he thought about it like that, then…

Well, what was the best thing that he could accomplish with his own death, knowing that it would come to him no matter what he did?

So in the nine hundred ninety ninth turn, Yoo Jonghyuk took more risks than ever before. He made choices and plans that he never would have before because experience had shown they were the antithesis to his former dogma. That which put his own means of survival above all else.

And little by little, Yoo Jonghyuk began to notice that things could be new again.

In this regression, his companions cared more about him. They respected him more, and opened up about things they never had. As if something in his actions connected to them. Made them think he acted out of love for them since his actions clearly showed no care for himself.

And maybe Yoo Jonghyuk wanted to believe them, too. That he was still capable of that sort of love. That desire for connection.

So he let himself fall into it. He made his decisions based on everyone's survival except for his own.

And his comrades continued to show new sides of themselves. The way Lee Jihye tried not to weep aver the bloody remains of his leg, even though no one had died that regression. How Lee Hyunsung's lips trembled while trying to stop the blessing where Yoo Jonghyuk's arm used to be. Shin Yoosung's open bawling, as it began to set in on Yoo Jonghyuk that he would never see this version of her's face ever again.

But Yoo Jonghyuk knew whose response to his actions had surprised him the most this regression.

"Jonghyuk. Are you ready?" The voice of a certain archangel was heard near his somehow still intact ears.

Uriel's face was close to his, a tight grip on his arm and waist along with the angelic wing steadied on his back the only support keeping him held upright as the others had followed his instructions in forging through the final battle ahead of them.

"There's no need to watch over me so closely, Uriel." He told her. It was, in fact, something he had been telling this strange angel recurrently ever since she had stepped down from Eden to join their group.

That was one thing he had never expected of the entity he had once known as the Demon-like Judge of Fire. In all the timelines he had been through Uriel had been just that, a silent judge. Reacting positively to his lawful actions in the early scenarios with coins, and expressing disappointment over his more morally dubious actions. Only descending after the destruction of Eden occasionally to cast judgement in person.

But something about this round had moved the archangel to act differently after the destruction of Eden this round.

"No offense, but there's obviously a d**n need for it, Jonghyuk." Uriel casually censored herself, as though the restrictions of Eden were still in place. "You can't see how the others are looking back towards you right now, but they know it too. That it's always times like this that you feel the need to go and take unnecessary risks."

Yoo Jonghyuk thought that he heard it in her voice, then.

That lilt in Uriel's voice that suggested she was talking to an old friend, even though the span of time in which he had met this version of her was infinitesimal in comparison to the life he had already lived before her, and perhaps compared to the life of a constellation as well.

Maybe Uriel, too, had lived through this all before. A war where she was called upon to support a comrade close to death.

Perhaps she also knew what it was like to be too helpless to save someone important.

Yoo Jonghyuk should be sorry that she would have to go through it again.

He could already feel it. No matter how close Uriel and her sword stayed by his side, Yoo Jonghyuk could feel his death coming to him.

It was because the outer world covenant wasn't an outside threat. It was something that was inside of him. A hole that came from the very center of him. Almost as if there were no outer world god involved, and Yoo Jonghyuk had really only done this to himself.

When everything was fading, and he could recognize her voice as one of the ones desperately calling out to him, Yoo Jonghyuk thought that he should apologize to her.

Instead, he died with a smile on his face.

.

.

.

The one thousandth regression was one that Yoo Jonghyuk planned based on his previous regressions, as he always did.

When he woke up on the train car again, he wasn't smiling as he had been when he died.

It was because he knew that he wouldn't let the events that let him get so far in the last regression repeat.

He couldn't live like that.

Suicidal idiot that he still was, he couldn't let the same thing happen to his precious memories of those friends in the nine hundred ninety ninth that had happened to every other memory he had of them from all those other regressions. Let them repeat until the point of oblivion. He couldn't do it. He just couldn't, even if it would be the right thing to do, even though it could save their lives, Yoo Jonghyuk just wasn't strong enough.

And he hated himself, for that weakness.

That was when Yoo Jonghyuk decided that he had to die, sitting there in that subway car before the scenarios started.

No matter what it took, killing every constellation in the starstream, losing distorted versions of old comrades, finding and wringing out his sponsor's neck…

Yoo Jonghyuk had to survive long enough to stand in front of that wall once more.

And join all of his once treasured memories in the deepest oblivion of death.

From then on, the only times he saw that Demon-like Judge of Fire descended from Eden was when she was sent with the express purpose to kill him in a way that didn't matter.

The only thing new he learned about her thereafter was how her corpse looked with a sword through the middle.

That was, until he met her as an outer god.

Secretive Plotter had wondered if it would please an angel like Uriel to know that he had prayed for the first time in that moment.

Prayed against all odds that her firey sword really could pierce through his curse of life and see him to his end.

But some dumb guy saved him that day.

And now, in the present, Yoo Jonghyuk was watching the kid version of that guy pick the green bits out of the omelette he had made him.

He had been trying to remember from the timelines where he had kids how he had tricked them into eating their vegetables, but like most of the times he tried to recall those deep memories of his, something in his brain had gotten caught up in that pesky number 999's time.

It was probably because his current company made those times hard to forget.

"Aaaaah I'm going to be late!" Uriel ran into the kitchen in a flash of blonde curls, going for the bread in the fridge as if she was going to run out of the house with toast in her mouth like a schoolgirl from one of her animes. "Jonghyuk do you know where Jihye is?"

"She already left." Yoo Jonghyuk reported, as he batted her hands off the bread and gave her a fork for the small omelette he had already put on the table for her. "Her first class this semester is in an early slot."

Even though he had told that girl to schedule her classes with the university early if she wanted good times…

"Shi-" Uriel seemed to remember there was no system to filter out her swears as she spared a glance toward Dokja before correcting herself. "Shoot. I mean shoot." She started speaking between bites as she scarfed down the omelette "I think that [munch] girl borrowed the shoes I was [chew] going to wear to my interview [gulp] without asking…"

"Does it really matter what shoes you wear?" Yoo Jonghyuk commented as he used his chopsticks to start placing Dokja's vegetables back into his omelette. "A former constellation is going to look strange submitting her manhwa manuscript to an editor for review no matter what."

"Give me a break." Uriel frowned. "It's not my fault that your world somehow made the mistake of making creative skills look more appealing on a resume than demon slaying skills."

Yoo Jonghyuk thought that there was truth to her observation, as he watched Uriel ruffle the hair of the pouting Dokja, before putting her clean plate in the sink for him to deal with later.

Everything about this world was new to Uriel. One could see it plainly in the very way she moved, unused to not carrying wings everywhere she went and walking ever so lightly on the earth wherever she went. Whether it was because she knew what it was to fly or because her shoulders had never felt so light before, Yoo Jonghyuk couldn't be sure.

"Good luck." He called, as Uriel walked out into the fray ahead of him, donning combat boots instead of the professional heel she seemed to have misplaced.

"Thanks Jonghyuk!" She replied, seemingly not compelled to look back to check on him as she walked out the door.

Yoo Jonghyuk had this certain feeling, then. A feeling that he often saw himself having in this new life of his, with these old friends of his.

Even though he thoroughly knew these people already, that fact made it all the more exciting to watch them grow into their roles in this world. Become the people that he never got to see them be.

"It's that look in your eye."

Yoo Jonghyuk almost startled, as he remembered he was being watched.

He turned to find young Dokja looking him with a gaze that seemed to see beyond his stoic expression.

"My father never looked at anyone like the way you looked at her just now, Hyung." He said, in that small, knowing voice of his, before a shyness seemed to come over him, and he looked down at his plate.

"That's why nine hundred ninety nine was always my favorite." He admitted, in a little voice

The emotion that Yoo Jonghyuk felt then was a rare one, but not entirely new.

A mixture of pride and bashfulness that only his own children had ever raised out of him, a glow that seemed to start from his chest and go on to cover his cheeks.

Perhaps an erstwhile familiarity with that feeling was the only thing that allowed him to save himself from smiling, as he tried very hard to tell Dokja sternly to eat his vegetables.

And when Uriel came home that evening to announce that her manuscript had gotten picked up… well, it wasn't hard to admit that Yoo Jonghyuk too was now living through a life that he never had before.

[ot3]

Sorry to bother - feel free to ignore. I’m trying to write an orv fic bc. I like them. And I’m having trouble understanding why with the regression depression it’s the happy memories that get yjh the most. Best I can figure it’s bc he can use the bad memories to propel him forward - like he’s doing this to avenge them. But the good memories force him to realize these people are gone and he’ll never see them again. Do you have any thoughts? Thanks!

i think that's definitely more or less accurate! i think the 'those people are gone and he'll never see them again' bit you've pointed out is the critical piece here. ill stick my further thoughts below the cut. this is really long because i've pulled a LOT of long chunks of text from the novel to shore up this point. i just got home from work so my thoughts are gonna be a little bit incoherent here. skip to the end if you're not interested in reading all the segments i pulled from the text. spoilers all the way up through chapter 508

first things first, let's just go back to the novel and look at all the bits where YJH's depression gets brought up

“Maybe Yoo Jonghyuk-nim has already repeated a few lives. You have fought against terrible enemies and struggled against the beings of this world to save people. Enduring alone, lonely memories… We respect your sublime spirit.”

This jerk, such skillful flattery. Yoo Jonghyuk would be moved to tears if he heard. Later when he was depressed, I would have to tell him these words.

“But Yoo Jonghyuk-nim should’ve realized it from your past regressions. Even if you have an outstanding miracle, you alone can’t fight against the disasters that will come.”

Plus, he was right.

- from ch 48

「 Everything is twisted because of this person. 」

「 It is different from what I know in the earlier regressions. The amount of information available is too limited. I can’t save the world like this. 」

What was this?

「 The reason I was hurt by the Salvation Church was because we spent too much time in the last round. It was a mistake to train for 100 years then. My mind was permanently damaged. 」

「 Maybe it was a mistake not to get the Absolute Throne.  」

「 I will start from the beginning again… 」

Dammit, the regressor’s depression had begun. Was it due to the mental attack? I cried out in fear of what he would decide. “I’m hurt you jerk!”

- from ch 140

「 Those people can’t save the world, even with 100 trucks. 」

「 Once again, the answer is regression… 」

“Now now, our Supreme King isn’t in a good mood right now so back off. Do you want to die?” I personally stepped forward to get rid of any causes of depression.

- later on in ch140 as well

This jerk, he was always so impatient. He had been given time to rest but he was still busy thinking. Regardless of his depressed state, Yoo Jonghyuk was Yoo Jonghyuk.

“Before that, let’s take a moment to breath. The view is great.” I said while sitting on the roof railing.

Yoo Jonghyuk asked me, “What are you up to?”

“I’m just looking at the world. Isn’t it beautiful?” The city of Seoul was destroyed by the monsters. I quickly added, “It was originally a beautiful place.”

“I don’t like landscapes.”

“Why?”

“They are things that will disappear someday.”

I thought I had a bit more understanding of the third regression Yoo Jonghyuk after fighting against Shin Yoosung. I wanted to believe he was a person who could love this world without giving up or feeling despair.

I told him, “However, we need to protect these things.”

“Kim Dokja, you don’t know.”

This might be my misunderstanding. Yoo Jonghyuk could give up at any time because he was still in the midst of his regressions.

In the end, Yoo Jonghyuk’s purpose was to prevent the ‘destruction of this world.’ Paradoxically, he could give up on this world at any time. His essence was regression and this fact would never change.

“No, I know,” I replied.

“What?”

“The fact that you can regress at any time means that death is meaningless.”

I looked down at Lee Seolhwa caring for the injured. Lee Seolhwa was feeding her boiled soup to an unknown person. Despite her efforts, there was a high probability that the character would die. Even if they lied now, they would die tomorrow. If they miraculously survived tomorrow, they would die the day after tomorrow.

It was the same in the fourth regression and the fifth regression. There would always be ‘death’ in the world of Yoo Jonghyuk, even after passing the 100th regression.

“If there is no sense of death then the value of life also disappears.”

- ch141

There was the vague belief that he could do better in the next round with more information. It was easy for him to give up on this regression if something went wrong.

This was the precursor symptom of ‘regression depression.’ Some of the contents of Ways of Survival passed through my head.

It was around the 48th regression. Yoo Jonghyuk had consulted with an incarnation of the constellation ‘Discoverer of the Subconscious’ on the ‘regression depression.’ At the time, he seemed to be speaking like I was now.

I continued speaking, “Yes. It might be as you say. If you repeat it 10 or 20 times then it will surely get better. You’ll be exposed to more scenarios and see more of the future. The real problem is when you someday save the world in this manner.”

“What does this mean?”

“At that time, do you really think you saved this world?”

“…”

“Do you think you will be able to keep the same mindset after repeating it 100 or 200 times?”

“I won’t regress that many times.”

I silently stared at Yoo Jonghyuk.

「 …Don’t tell me? 」 Yoo Jonghyuk’s eyes slowly widened.

I kept speaking, “Are you having nightmares these days?”

“…”

“You won’t be saved, even if you save the world. The moment you save the world, the worlds you have forsaken will come to you. Despite saving one world, all the other worlds you abandoned will drag you to hell.”

- from further down in ch141

「 Yoo Jonghyuk felt lonely as he saw these watches. They got their time back but he still wasn’t

living in this time. Yoo Jonghyuk suddenly thought. If so, where do I live in those countless hours? 」

It was the monologue of Yoo Jonghyuk, who once saved the Demon World. It was also one of my favourite scenes from Ways of Survival.

I suddenly seemed to understand a bit of his mind. To the regressor Yoo Jonghyuk, the time in these worlds didn’t belong to him. In a life that could go back over and over again, the present time was meaningless.

Once this was over, I would ask Aileen to make me a watch. If he had something like this, he might become more attached to this world. Maybe the regression depression would get better…

- ch 207

A person who regressed more than a thousand times. A spirit that had become insensitive from the hundreds of suicides and tragedies that an individual could suffer. The extremely widespread regression depression…

「 Yoo Jonghyuk of the 1863rd round is the despair of the world itself. 」

- ch 285

Abnormal condition? There was no way. Who was the 1863rd regression Yoo Jonghyuk? This was Yoo Jonghyuk who was the Ruler of the East Hell and killed the Devil of Principles. There was no one among the constellations who could place an abnormal condition on the present Yoo Jonghyuk.

Yoo Jonghyuk’s eyes were blank.

I felt uncomfortable like something was stuck in my throat. No, there was. There was only one person who could cause an abnormal status in Yoo Jonghyuk.

+

* The target is suffering from ‘regression depression’ due to an unknown cause.

+

It was Yoo Jonghyuk himself.

Regression depression. The spirit of the man who had been broken over 1863 lives made the regression depression almost a passive, low level skill. Once he fell into the depression, his consciousness was caught in the weight of his memories and he couldn’t wake up.

[Kill him! He isn’t invincible!]

The ruthless strikes caused Yoo Jonghyuk’s body to bleed little by little. It was strange. Originally, the regression depression shouldn’t occur in this situation. In the 1863rd round, Yoo Jonghyuk had learnt how to manage this disease.

- ch 286

then this REALLY LONG BIT from 287. it has stopped letting me indent for some reason so i guess ill bold this.

I knew how to wake up Yoo Jonghyuk from his regression depression. In other words, it meant I also knew how to sink him deeper into that melancholy.

I saw Yoo Jonghyuk’s fingertips moving and opened my mouth. “Do you remember? The 33rd round. You cleared the 40th scenario and Lee Jihye said this.”

Yoo Jonghyuk’s eyes dimmed and his moving fingertips stopped.

「 “It would be nice if Master didn’t have to go to the next round.” 」

“Think about it. You weren’t always unhappy. Right? In all the rounds, there were moments when you were happy.”

Yoo Jonghyuk’s expression was becoming stiffer.

“The 173rd round. You protected Earth for quite some time. You also saw Lee Jihye receiving her high school diploma and Lee Seolhwa smiling at someone’s child.”

「 “Jonghyuk-ssi, are you happy that you’re alive?” 」

Every time I spoke, Yoo Jonghyuk’s expression collapsed. It wasn’t despair that broke down Yoo Jonghyuk.

“The 383rd round. You finally cleared the 75th scenario. Fortunately, nobody died in that round. That was the first time. Then Lee Hyunsung told you.”

「 “Jonghyuk-ssi, I won’t forget today until I die.” 」

The feather-like memories sank into his head.

“Then the 498th round…”

Yoo Jonghyuk’s palms moved to cover his ears. The usual Yoo Jonghyuk wouldn’t have fallen from this much. Now it was different. I held his hands and kept talking. “That happened 10 times.”

A human sank deeper into the water just because of the weight of these feathers.

“Twenty times.”

My breath clogged up and my lungs tightened. I could feel what Yoo Jonghyuk was going through. Only I could feel it. The most primitive darkness at the bottom of one person was swallowing his ego greedily.

“100 times. It repeated over 1,000 times.”

All those words were destroyed. All the happy memories flowed back to a time they could never return to. Through the countless regressions, the meaning of happiness faded. All the values he preserved became pieces of torn paper.

“Yoo Jonghyuk.”

Yoo Jonghyuk’s self was sinking into the deep sea. It was to a place that he could never come up from without someone’s help.

“Have you protected all the things you wanted to keep?”

I looked at Yoo Jonghyuk’s miserable face and thought: Don’t worry Yoo Jonghyuk. I’ll do the rest. You stop and rest.

[Your understanding of the character ‘Yoo Jonghyuk’ is increasing explosively.]

Yoo Jonghyuk’s empty eyes were showing memories of losing his master. I didn’t use Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint but it wasn’t hard to read.

「 I want to die. 」

「 I want to finish all of this. 」

「 If only I can never wake up. 」

A few drops of rain fell from the sky. It was black rain made from the blood of the demon kings and constellations. Liquid also flowed onto Yoo Jonghyuk’s face. Yoo Jonghyuk’s gaze lowered and finally fell on me.

I was looking at the moment a human’s spirit collapsed. There was a broken voice. Like a creaking machine, Yoo Jonghyuk stammered, “Wh,at… should, I, d…o?”

i think this one is obviously very important.

then, the 'have you protected all you wanted to protect' stuff obviously reaches its culmination in the finale

⸢The regression depression.⸥

That was the only weakness of Yu Jung-Hyeok, who had repeatedly regressed for a very long time.

[In the 173rd turn. You managed to protect Earth for a pretty long time. You got to see Yi Ji-Hye receive her high school diploma, and you even got to see Yi Seol-Hwa smile with another’s child in her arms.]

The light in Yu Jung-Hyeok’s eyes was wavering.

⸢It wasn’t despair that could defeat Yu Jung-Hyeok.⸥

⸢Small feather-like memories settled down inside his head one by one.⸥

The ‘Dokkaebi King’ was using the exact same method I relied on back then.

⸢The breathing got harder, and the lungs were getting tighter.⸥

⸢A man drowning in water would sink even deeper under the surface from the weight of a mere feather.⸥

I couldn’t afford to idly watch on anymore. I shouted at Yu Jung-Hyeok, telling him to wake up, and not to fall for such an illusion.

However, my voice couldn’t reach them as if a non-conductive barrier was set up between us. And the ‘Dokkaebi King’ was smiling away, perhaps to mock this entire story.

[Yu Jung-Hyeok, have you protected all that you wanted to protect?]

Slowly, Yu Jung-Hyeok’s knees sank down.

I roused the Status of Fables. I needed to undo that ⸢Stage Transformation⸥ right now, But, how should I…

Grab.

There was a hand still tightly clutching mine. It was Han Su-Yeong.

“That’s not a battle you can interfere in.”

“But, if he’s left alone….!”

“….Even a star that can’t be seen still emits light. You said that, right?”

….A star that can’t be seen?

Her words made me look back at Yu Jung-Hyeok once more.

His gaze being lowered had come to a stop. Blinding sparks were completely enveloping him.

Tsu-chuchuchuchu….

Something was waking up his fading consciousness.

[Great Fable, ‘Ones that Remember the Apocalypse’, has begun its storytelling!]

That was a Fable I wasn’t aware of.

As the sparks lessened gradually, several silhouettes revealed themselves. Now that I took a closer look, Yu Jung-Hyeok wasn’t alone. No, four others were standing beside him.

A tall man, a young man with blonde hair, a girl with a ponytail, and finally…

[[He couldn’t protect anyone. That’s why he now stands in this place.]]

….An Archangel with blindingly-pure wings.

Astonishment quickly dyed the Dokkaebi King’s expression.

The Fable from the destroyed 999th turn was now burning brightly like the conflagration of end times on the edges of the Archangel’s blade.

[[Because he believes there are still things left to protect.]]

- from ch 508

Now here's a couple of tidbits about depression when it comes up for Other entities:

The fastest thing to get shaved away after becoming a Constellation was their own ‘Fable’. The more a Constellation depleted its story, the weaker its power would get. They would grow bored, disinterested, fall into depression, or lose themselves in tedium.

Constellations would desperately seek out other Fables in order to escape from such a quagmire. In other words, they would search for a new tragedy to escape from this horrible eternal cycle, even if it was only for a brief moment.

- ch 498

⸢[Constellation, ‘Abyssal Black Flame Dragon’s’ ■■ is ‘Something that can’t be found’.]⸥

I had read what his ■■ was from the original novel. His description showed up when he became Yu Jung-Hyeok’s ally for a little while during the 1863rd turn.

⸢The evil dragon suffering from the worst possible depression in this <Star Stream>.⸥

The reason why the ‘Abyssal Black Flame Dragon’ believed his age to be 15 was simply that he’d not be able to continue on if he didn’t.

A life stretching for thousands, no, tens of thousands of years, made an originally solitary dragon into such a creature.

In order to stop itself from decaying, he chose not to age. He chose not to lose his curiosity of the world. He chose to torment Incarnations or play bizarre pranks. And for his final prank, he even chose to betray the ‘Absolute Evil’, too. He stood on Yu Jung-Hyeok’s side and while mocking the <Star Stream>, breathed his last.

- ch 503

okay so

i think there are a couple of different ways to look at the regression depression in line with each of orv's 'themes'. of course despair at losing his comrades is the main primary emotion here, but there's subtler stuff going on here too.

for starters, the foundational components of any creature within the star stream is its stories. the more your stories are known and shared the more powerful they are, etc, etc. time and time again their shared stories are the thing to save them and ground them. but as we see with the hellscape of eternity, yjh begins to become isolated from the interpersonal aspect of the story as he loses the people he originally formed these stories with. the stories are how people communicate. as YJH progresses through his regressions he is unable to relate to the 'story' in the way you are supposed to, and this essentially causes a complete ego death. life no longer has any meaning for him, because he is fundamentally incapable of connecting with people. the [impossible communication] of a life and a burden that can't be shared.

then there's the [samsara] aspect - being worn down by the endless repetition of fate. everything is the same, over and over again, and yet we still delve into it hoping to get something new out of it. maybe the story will be different this time. ABFD was able to stave off depression by keeping himself in a state of permanent novelty - there was still something left to discover - but as YJH progresses through the regressions and falls deeper and deeper into repeating the same pattern, the tedium becomes too much. he has nothing new to experience. he has repeated everything this reality has to offer - or so he thinks - and it shows no sign of ever changing. if it's the same every time, why stick around? why not go again? it doesn't matter. none of it matters. you are just part of the wheel.

and if we think of it in terms of [good and evil] we see yjh slowly become something that almost any human being would call a monster. as kdj says in that conversation with anna croft near the end, "can you really call someone a human if you have to look so hard to find their humanity?" as far as it goes. yjh commits some atrocities! Because of said aforementioned removal from reality and ego death, he is able to fully justify any action it takes no matter how horrendous. and yet his noble goal never changes. undeniably, what he is by the end is some sort of monster. but still, of course, just a man. and he knows this. he feels himself slipping a little bit more, every regression. he knows its coming. and he doesn't want it. he wants to maintain his humanity.

but really i think we can almost best think of yjh's regression depression as almost his equivalent to the [fourth wall]. whereas the 4th wall is a unique passive skill that protects kim dokja by preventing him from fully conceptualizing what's happening to him as 'reality', the regression depression harms yjh by preventing him from conceptualizing what's happening to him as 'reality'. in a sense, his friends and loved ones have almost become 'characters' to him as well, as he already knows the way this story happens. he is an outsider, observing these beings interact with each other but not quite the same as them. he is an anachronism. this isn't his present. this is a present, one he can take or leave at any time. the thing yjh does in his later regressions - using people as tools - is something kdj does in the beginning of his journey. because, well, it doesnt matter if this isn't the 'real world'! they mirror each other.

that ended up being so much longer than i thought it would im sorry. i hope this was even like 10% helpful.

[yutahoes]

Mono no Aware

(Part Six)

Intro - One - Two - Three - Four - Five - Six

Mono No Aware, ‘the pathos of things’, a melancholic appreciation of the transiency of existence. That fleeting moment when you realized that something you love is bound to  disappear. Like life.

pairing : grim reaper! Yuta Nakamoto x female doctor! Reader

chapter word count : 1.7k words

chapter genre : fluff, angst

chapter warning : blood, death, cursing, knife

It's been days since Y/N had found out about the grim reaper. Often described as a skeleton in a black hood with a scythe. The personification of death. 

"I don't take souls. I guide them." Those words kept repeating in her mind. Guide them where? Can he do something to stop them from dying? How did he even become a grim reaper? There's a lot of questions she wanted to ask him. Will it be possible to see him again? 

The question was answered when the medics rushed a pregnant woman inside the emergency room. "Inform the Obstetrics department." She told one nurse as she checked the pupils of the woman, no response. "Call Doctor Kim." She told another nurse as she checked the woman's nerves and pulse rate. It's there but weak. 

When Doyoung came to the emergency room, she narrated her observations and he just nodded. He instructed that they will operate on her first before removing the baby. "I'll handle this." Y/N nodded, walking out of the emergency room when she saw him. 

Her first instinct was to glance at the nurses coming in the doors who didn't pay attention to the man. He's here for her soul. "Who?" she asked quietly. 

"Both of them." Her eyes widened in surprise. She cannot let that happen. 

Y/N returned to the emergency room that surprised Doyoung. "Call the Obstetrics Department. Save the baby first." The other doctor called for her but she shook her head. "Doyoung, please." He sighed before nodding that made the nurse run outside. 

The girl heaved a sigh, walking away from the emergency room once again and spotting the grim reaper leaning by the wall. She stood beside him, leaning on the same wall. "Why aren't you inside?" 

"This is not my surgery." She whispered, careful not to attract any attention to her. She bit her thumb as the OB doctor came into the Emergency Room, "I hope they'll be safe." Her phone vibrated, a beep from another patient asking for a doctor's help. "I'll come back. Please, whatever happens, don't leave yet. Wait for me." The guy nodded and she rushed out of the emergency room to attend to another patient. 

Why is this so difficult? She knew they'll both die yet she's powerless. She can't even do anything to save them. Is this how that man feels every time he's meeting a soul? And yet, there are a lot of people on the verge of dying. She can't get too distracted with just a simple case. 

She was transferred from one patient to another, even the head doctor asked for a meeting with her that when she returned to the emergency room, the operation was still ongoing. To her surprise, he was still leaning on the same spot with a glum look on his face. "What happened?" 

"You did well." What? "I have a soul to guide." They died? Then what did she do well? 

And he was gone before she could ask anything. 

The emergency doors opened and an incubator was brought out by the nurse with a tiny person inside. The baby looks alive. What does that mean? Doyoung came out of the operating room, shaking his head. A gasp escaped her throat. Why is she so surprised? She saw this coming.

He squeezed her shoulder in a comforting hold, "But you saved the baby, Y/N." Is that what he meant when he said that she did well? "You did well." 

No, she didn't. She wanted to do better, wanted to do the best. Doing well doesn't save lives, it kills people. 

And she knew, she needed to do her best. 

The coffee shop seemed different now, she's now nervous heading inside unlike other times when she just casually wanted some coffee. The guy manning the counter called for the barista who turned to her. He gave a small smile, before asking the other to switch places. "Hi." He greeted and she smiled timidly. "What are you going to have today?" 

Y/N lightly glanced at the menu but nothing registers in her mind. "What can you suggest? Probably something sweet." 

"Iced Caramel Macchiato?" She nodded and he took a large cup which made her revolt. "It's fine. It's on the house, you might really need it." She thanked him with a smile. "I'll deliver your drink, Barbara Gordon." Y/N grinned. Batgirl. 

She was playing with the napkin on the table when the guy handed her the cup of coffee and a pastry. "I didn't…" 

"It's a lemon cheesecake. It will balance the sweetness of the coffee. It's on me, don't worry." She gave him a timid smile, thanking him silently. "You look bad." Unconsciously, she held her cheeks. Does she? Is it that bad? "Day off?"

She nodded as he sat on the chair opposite her. "Did you send her off well?" 

The guy nodded. "She wanted to thank you for saving her baby." She does? "Is the baby a boy or a girl?" 

"A girl. The dad would always say that she looks exactly like her." He nodded, smiling at her. He has a nice smile. Heartwarming. Unlike the things he does. 

She sipped on her coffee and took a bite of the cheesecake, which she had to note tastes great, just to prevent her mouth from saying the words she wanted to say. He doesn't need to know that. She cannot let him know that. 

But the way he was staring at her made her mind feel at ease. He looks tired. How long has he been a grim reaper? Did he send a lot of souls away? "It must be hard for you seeing souls like that." There. She said it. "Knowing they'll die but you cannot do anything. I thought my job is hard but yours is just…" she stopped to look for the right word but there's only one thing she can think of now. "heartbreaking." 

"I'm used to it by now but that's true, it feels heartbreaking when you can't do anything." He said, crossing his arms while leaning on the chair. "Watching them die makes you feel…"

"Powerless." They both said at the same time. 

She can't believe that she'll feel deep empathy with a grim reaper. They're supposed to be scary but he's different. He feels hopeless, like her.

He leaned closer, elbows on top of the table. "Then let's do this, let's help each other." She raised an eyebrow at that. Help each other? "I can tell you which person is dying and you can help that person. Like what you did to that boy and the baby." 

That seems plausible. They can do that. They had done it before. But what about him? Will nothing happen to him because of this? "Will you be alright though? Your job is to guide them to the afterlife." 

A different expression was shown on his face, his eyes dilated as a soft smile formed on his lips. "I guess I'll have more paperwork. But it's worth it if we can save a person." He claimed. "You'll lessen my job." 

"And you'll lessen my guilt," Y/N whispered, nodding. There's no better way to do it but like this. Maybe they're really meant to meet. "I guess I'm going to work with a grim reaper." 

The guy laughed. A wonderful sound. Like music in her ears. "It's an honor working with you, Miss Doctor." He lent a hand for her to shake. "I'm Yuta, what's your name?" 

She raised an eyebrow at that but shook his hand, nevertheless. "Isn't it bad to give your name to a grim reaper?"

Yuta smiled, nodding at her. "Smart." 

"So how do we do this?" She asked curiously, taking a bite of the cheesecake. He gestured at the teenage girl in her uniform, seated on the corner table. "What about her?" 

"She's been ordering the same Chocolate Frappuccino for days now." She nodded, listening attentively. "When I gave her the order today, it just felt weird. Like something bad will happen." 

Y/N lightly glanced at the girl. There's nothing peculiar about her, she seemed like a normal high school girl. So what might happen to her? And is she really going to die? She's too young. A sigh escaped her lips and she pouted when she returned to her drink, sipping a lot of her coffee. Why do people have to die?

The chimes of the door can be heard as people came inside the door. "I'll return to my job. I'll let you know if something happens." 

She transferred to the seat Yuta was earlier just to spy on the high school girl, making the guy shake his head. It was afternoon when the girl fixed her things and stood up that made Y/N follow her. She was about to go out the door when someone held her wrist, “What are you doing?” Yuta asked. “Are you seriously following her?” 

Y/N nodded. She needed to save her. “You’ll know where to find us, right?” And she was out of the door. Good thing the younger isn’t too far from the shop and she followed her quietly. Everything was fine. She seemed like a typical high school girl going to bookstores and stationery shops or stopping by cute boutiques to stare at the window display. Is Yuta playing with her? Or is it not happening now? 

The girl gave a sharp turn as she casually passed the small alleyway. There were guys, probably two or three, standing on the narrow street. Will it happen here? “Let go of me!” She heard a female voice followed by an echo of maniacal laughter. “Don’t hurt me, please.” 

She doesn’t need medical attention. She needed someone to save her. A superhero. 

Batgirl. Today, she’s batgirl. 

And with a heavy breath, she appeared in front of the guys. “Let go of her!” Where is this confidence coming from? “I’m going to call the cops.” Her eyes widened seeing one guy holding a pocket knife. She’ll get stabbed? A police siren can be heard that startled her, she never called anyone. 

“Nosy brat!” One of the guys claimed from behind her that shocked her. And she felt stinging on her side followed by blood staining her pastel blue shirt. “Unnie!” The high school girl called as she fell to the ground. 

She’s safe, that’s great. 

But fuck, it hurts. 

Maybe that was the reason why she can see the grim reaper. This is her death. 

Seven

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Thank you for reading. 😍 I’ll be really thankful of feedbacks. 🥰

[abyssal-lix]

hallucinations: part two

[08:21 AM] his eyes opened slowly. brain fuzzy, yet this was a fuzziness he had never experienced before. he let his head relax, looking to both his left then his right.

the clear sight of a small room filled his vision, in it was a small desk littered with papers, pens, the like. while across from him was a counter with various tools stretched out across the dark stone. he scanned the area hesitantly as though things would make themselves visible to him. he saw a smudge of blue and recognized it as the thirium that kept his systems functional. his “blood”. 

he startled, running a small diagnostic on his software and systems seeing that everything was in check. all of the damages he'd previously sustained had seemingly vanished. 

he scrambled to ease himself off the small counter he sat atop, trying to map out the rest of the room. barely, recognizing the sounds of footsteps padding across the wood floor.

"oh, you're up."

his head snapped up looking at the disheveled mess of a human standing before him, black hair ruffled in all sorts of directions while his clothes seemed to be wrinkled and covered in small stains.

"where am i?" he asked, eyes spotting the closest exit to escape.

"my apartment, you were in rough condition last night. it took me all night to fix you up, honestly can't believe your systems are already up and functional. i'm seungcheol, by the way."

he couldn't help but give his own body a once over, not even a single trace that he'd nearly been destroyed last night.

seungcheol stared at him for a moment before speaking, "do you have a name?"

"yjh7600," he responded curtly.

"that's not a name, just your model, your owners never named you?"

his brows burrowed, "i am an android from the eden club, we did not have names."

a small tut left the human's mouth, "yjh, correct?" the android could only nod.

"jeonghan, i will call you jeonghan."

[12:47 PM] jeonghan had prodded every possible question out of the man who'd taken him in. what did he do, where was he from, how did he fix him, and a dozen more.

he finally seemed to settle himself on the farthest end of the couch, knees pulled up to his chest as he watched the way seungcheol busied himself with small tasks around the studio apartment.

other than the questions, jeonghan sat there silently while he toyed with the hem of the long-sleeve shirt he wore.

a part of him toiled over the moments that lead him to near destruction.

there was a grittiness that seeped itself into the silicone layers that made his skin. a phantom feeling of hands trailing over his torso and gripping onto his waist lingered, his eyes shutting tightly as though it would keep him from feeling. his forehead pressing into his knees as his head fought against himself. 

a pain prickled itself in his chest, one muddled with fear and sadness. emotions, jeonghan knew he shouldn’t be feeling.

he felt broken,

        and unworthy. 

jeonghan barely recognized the shakiness of his hand until he felt the cushions beside him dipping down from seungcheol’s weight. 

“jeonghan? can you look at me?” he murmured quietly waiting until jeonghan’s bright eyes met his. 

“why don’t you take a shower? take a moment to calm down, does that sound alright?” jeonghan’s head nodded slowly yet robotically, his body moving without much thought as he followed seungcheol towards his bathroom, pausing until he felt the plush material brushing against the back of his hands. he blinked slowly before nodding, stepping into the small room and closing the door behind him. 

he shuffled around in the silence for a few moments, spending a few moments to analyze everything in the place. he waits until the only noise to fill the room is the sound of the water. 

jeonghan barely registers how much time passes, after he strips out of the unfamiliar clothing he wore. nor does he know how much time he spent standing underneath the scalding hot water, the heat only making the crawling disgust that lingered over him blend itself into his synthetic flesh. 

it isn’t until a small knock on the door startles him out of his haze, followed by “ya, doin’ okay in there?” and jeonghan finds himself relaxing into his own body once again. 

it takes him a moment until he musters enough to speak, “y-yeah, almost done..”

he hears the humans retreating footsteps before he gets to work with picking up a random bottle on the small hanging organizer in the corner of the shower and scanning each label to see what it was before going through the motions of bathing himself. 

in the moments after he steps out of the bathroom, his hair damp while wearing the t-shirt and shorts he’d been given. it feels as though he’d been partially cleaned of the shame that followed him.

he felt like himself. 

jeonghan. 

[precuredaily]

Precure Day 143

Episode: Futari wa Precure Splash Star 44 - “They’ll Disappear? Michiru and Kaoru’s Pain” Date watched: 20 July 2019 Original air date: 17 December 2006 Screenshots: https://imgur.com/a/Rv2F5U7 Project info and master list of posts: http://tinyurl.com/PCDabout

a jump to the sky turns to a rider kick

All Michiru and Kaoru want is to experience normalcy and the beauty of life with their friends Saki and Mai. Sadly, being ex-agents of Dark Fall makes this difficult in more ways than one.

The Plot

Saki, Mai, Michiru, Kaoru, and Minori all go to the zoo so Minori can draw animals, but the Kiryuu sisters have something weighing on them. Eventually we see in a flashback that they had a talk with Princess Filia about their conflicted feelings of wanting to be with Saki and Mai but belonging to Dark Fall, and she tells them that since they were revived using powers from both worlds, the destruction of either the Land of Spirits or Dark Fall could result in their own death. They don’t know what to do, and they haven’t told Saki and Mai about this, but Miss Shitataare and Dorodoron attack the group and reveal this secret. Their friends are understandably upset, and their attacks falter, but Michiru and Kaoru remind them that the cures themselves taught them that staying strong in spirit can allow someone to change their fate, that Saki and Mai fought for them, and now they want to believe in their friends. With new resolve, they manage to defeat Dorodoron, while Miss Shitataare retreats to fight another day. On the way home, Minori shows everybody the drawing she made of the monkeys, except that the monkeys’ faces have been replaced with Saki, Mai, Michiru, and Kaoru.

The Analysis

The existential crisis that M and K are now in is heartbreaking. Since they’re imbued with power from both sides, the destruction of either light or darkness could destroy them. That’s a huge burden to shoulder, and their body language throughout the episode shows they aren’t taking it well. However, they want to believe in a way forward, in defying their fate, like Saki and Mai taught them! Fundamentally that’s what their character arc has always been about, and I’m glad to see it brought up again. Even knowing that they might be fighting towards their own destruction, they continue to battle against their former allies and help their new friends, because it’s what their hearts tell them is right.

Unfortunately, there’s some aspects of this plot that don’t sit well with me. Michiru and Kaoru essentially come from an abusive household. Like many survivors, they have feelings of guilt about leaving, because they have been told all their lives that this is where they belong and their only purpose is to serve Akudaikaan as thanks for creating them. This is the line that all the generals of Dark Fall shoot at them, that they should be grateful to him. Possibly due to the age of the show and cultural differences, the narrative does not acknowledge that this is an abuse tactic, and instead pushes messages like “they’re a family, they’ll make up with each other,” via the monkeys. This hits the girls hard, and makes them feel more guilt for not trying hard enough to persuade their father figure that they don’t support his actions. The message about changing one’s fate doesn’t seem like a counter to the idea about families belonging together, and maybe if they had tied those closer together I wouldn’t have as much objection. As it stands, it’s kind of a sour note for this episode.

The art direction here is all over the place. The characters range from adequate to just bad, with a few shining moments in close-ups. However, there are some great moments with the animation, such as this pan out and in as the Kiryuus are told that destroying Dark Fall might destroy them too:

Their faces remain well-detailed in close-up rather than literally zooming in on the far model, the camera shifts perspective, it’s a well, composed shot.

It seems way too late in the show for fairy gags. They’re never terribly funny, someone speaks up at a bad time and their partner has to act silly to cover up their identity. At this point, Flappi and Choppi should know better. There are some good things to come out of this, though, in the form of Minori’s reaction to Saki and Mai acting goofy and imitating their fairies’ voices.

Also it gives Mai an opening to talk to Saki, explaining that she’s noticed the Kiryuus seem strange. We know Mai is fairly observant and it’s a nice touch.

If there’s a downside to the revived generals arc, it’s that the revived generals... kinda suck, as characters. Their personalities were often paper-thin but now they’re reduced to archetypes. Or maybe these two in particular are just a bad matchup, as Miss Shitataare’s penchant for pointless disguises gets in the way of Dorodoron’s usually decent strategies. Point being, I didn’t like them in this episode, and I’m sorry to see Dorodoron go out like this. He was funny when he teamed up with Karehaan and was like “I’m not getting beaten today, no thank you!” so for this to be how he goes..... it was underwhelming. That shot of him dive bombing is pretty cool though.

Last point of note, Michiru and Kaoru still don’t have any clothes of their own, they wear their school uniforms to the zoo. I really wish they would at least spend half of an episode going shopping, that would be a fun avenue for some character growth as they get to express themselves with clothes for the first time. They seem a little out-of-place wearing the uniform everywhere. Also, I don’t think it is ever explained where they live now, and that seems like an oversight.

Speaking of the uniform, it’s winter now and the cold weather addition to the YJH uniform is a crossover coat of about the same shade of tan as the winter top, with two rows of buttons and the Yuunagi logo on the left. In contrast to the Verone winter jacket, which was a different color from any other component of their uniform, this blends in much more seamlessly.

In summation, I do like this episode, I just think they aren’t handling Michiru and Kaoru’s ties to Dark Fall very well.  Someone needs to come out and say they don’t owe him their loyalty or compassion or anything just for creating them, but they won’t. I don’t think. We’ll see where things go.

Next time, it’s an episode I kind of already talked about! It’s Christmas time, and love is in the air! Look forward to it!

Pink Precure Catchphrase Count: 0 Zekkouchou Nari!

[jitteryrunes]

#orv#they convinced one of the outer gods that the wrath of secretive plotter would be totally worth it to beam them down#(it was not)#'i'm pretty sure he was a whole entire man that one time'#'they must all voltron together when necessary'#it's all 666's fault really#if he didn't hog the phone so much and let the rest of them take a look then they wouldn't have to take drastic measures#in order to see for themselves what's going on#crucial that kim dokja does not see them and thinks that everyone is nuts for thinking that there are a bunch of miniature yjh impersonatin#a constellation#kimcom is like 'it explains a lot' and kdj is like 'it explains nothing!'#he will not believe it! look at yjh! he's right there! does that look like some kind of gnome to you?!!#secretive plotter is glad someone believes him but also kdj goes about it by waxing rhapsodic about yjh non-gnomeness and it's#REALLY annoying (embarrassing)#everybody needs to shut up forever

Somehow, several kkomas end up Loose in the Industrial Complex. Secretive Plotter zips them back up pretty quickly, but the whole time they were arguing loudly and incriminatingly with each other and now everyone knows who he is, but, more importantly. There is nothing he can say to anyone that will convince them that he is not, in fact, a conglomeration of gnomes in a trenchcoat.