troublejournal

[troublejournal]

how it went: we broke up.

i've been through so much anxiety lately, especially because of my masters but also because i was struggling with my mind about my sexuality and coming out "older" (i'm 25) etc. i became emotionally distant to my boyfriend and our relationship got a little worn out. then we decided to take a break and see how it goes... my heart is broken bc feels like i'm ruining everything but also i needed time to figure out how i'm feeling and finally embrace my bisexuality (like emotionally in my head, not going out lol)... i miss him so badly, i spent the entire day thinking about silly things to send him or complaints/ramblings about my friday seminar and my article for ethnographical theories. its so hard to feel like this. i cant focus, my sleep schedule is messed up, i lost something like 3 pounds and i look like shit. and i'm listening taylor swift like crazy.

[troublejournal]

[troublejournal]

i've been through so much anxiety lately, especially because of my masters but also because i was struggling with my mind about my sexuality and coming out "older" (i'm 25) etc. i became emotionally distant to my boyfriend and our relationship got a little worn out. then we decided to take a break and see how it goes... my heart is broken bc feels like i'm ruining everything but also i needed time to figure out how i'm feeling and finally embrace my bisexuality (like emotionally in my head, not going out lol)... i miss him so badly, i spent the entire day thinking about silly things to send him or complaints/ramblings about my friday seminar and my article for ethnographical theories. its so hard to feel like this. i cant focus, my sleep schedule is messed up, i lost something like 3 pounds and i look like shit. and i'm listening taylor swift like crazy.

[troublejournal]

[troublejournal]

I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.

Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

[troublejournal]

persisting despite it all !

[troublejournal]

i'm bi

[troublejournal]

[troublejournal]

i think "it takes a village" shouldn't be just "to raise a child". we should understand it takes a village to do literally everything we do. all day every day. without our communities we would not have drinking water or electricity or clean streets or food or shelter or anything. we cannot do any thing alone. we just can't. and with that comes the fact that you are not alone. you already have a community, seek to be an active part of it, you will feel better. reach out and thank them, they're happy to have you too. i promise. it takes a village to live.

[troublejournal]

child stars dying young directly or indirectly as a result of fame-related trauma is just so especially sad. for me it’s the tragedy of how kids don’t really know what they’re signing up for when they ask to be famous, especially back in 2008. liam’s mistakes, addiction, and bad decisions, are all so inarguably tied into his career and the carelessness of the entertainment industry. the 31 year old man that just died is the same 16yo boy that was given drugs and alcohol to keep him quiet while he was being overworked and exploited. corey haim, river phoenix, judy garland, and so many more. you can think what you want about liam and have your own opinions, but don’t lose sight of the larger picture that he was a victim of.

[troublejournal]

the days leading up to your period will make you think you're under some sort of curse that's draining the life from your body and then well that does kind of turn out to be the case

[troublejournal]

we need to make using chatgpt embarrassing bc sorry it really is. what do you mean you can’t write an email

[troublejournal]

can someone recommend some beginner normal behaviors for someone looking to become normal

[troublejournal]

BHP to face 620,000 claimants in Mariana dam collapse trial in London

Claimants seeking damages from Anglo-Australian mining company over 2015 environmental disaster in Brazil

The mother of a seven-year-old boy who was torn from the arms of his grandmother and drowned in one of Brazil’s worst environmental disasters is among more than 620,000 claimants who will have their case heard this month in the largest group claim in English legal history.

Gelvana Aparecida Rodrigues da Silva, 37, lost her son Thiago on 5 November 2015 when the Fundão dam, near Mariana in eastern Brazil, collapsed, releasing about 50m cubic metres of toxic waste.

The avalanche of water reached the small community of Bento Rodrigues within minutes, killing 19 people, including Thiago, who had been staying with his grandmother at the time.

“His grandmother said that he asked for Jesus,” said Da Silva of her son’s final moments. “He called for Jesus to save him. But they got ripped apart.”

Thiago’s body was found a week later, 60 miles (100km) away. “That moment, my life ended,” she said. “Everything changed.”

The iron ore waste stored in the dam rapidly moved down various watercourses, spilling over their banks and into the neighbouring municipalities of Mariana, Barra Longa, Rio Doce and Santa Cruz do Escalvado.

It destroyed bridges, roads, houses, factories and other commercial premises, as well as farmland, wildlife and historic churches containing priceless artefacts.

About 620,000 individuals, 46 Brazilian municipalities, 2,000 businesses and 65 faith-based institutions are to claim damages from the Anglo-Australian mining company BHP at a high court trial in London scheduled to be heard over 12 weeks, from 21 October.

Continue reading.

[troublejournal]

Going to grad school, I see

[troublejournal]

i fucking missed a class bc in my head it was supposed to start on september 23th and definitely not september 9th

why the hell i'm supposed to have anxiety if i can not foresee everything as if it was some kind of prophetical stuff...

[troublejournal]