#he went from a shy lonely kid who had trouble making friends to this beautiful symbol of hope and peace for all these kids

[willosword]

this movie has actually broken into my house and smashed a barrel over my head killing me instantly. oh my god

[staywritten]

A Love That Lasts│Bang Chan│II

A Love That Lasts │ Chapter II

Synopsis: You’ve spent the last two years, helping your very handsome next door neighbor raise his adorable daughter. The two of you fell into a routine before you knew it. And now you had this little family. You couldn’t help but fall for him. 

Genre: Parent!Au, Dad!Bang Chan, Fluff, Nonidol!Au, smut in a later chapter

Word Count: 2303

Part I

Felix opened the door to Chan’s apartment, heading straight for the fridge “G’day Channie-Hyung” he grabbed the orange juice, helping himself to a glass.

Chan sighed looking back to his computer “You do know this is breaking and entering right?”

“Hey, you’re the single dad, not locking his door here, who’s really at fault?” He scoffed, tossing back his juice. ���Anyway, how’s my favorite niece?”

“Fair” Chan closed his laptop before joining Felix in the kitchen. “And your only niece is fine, just changing her outfit for the umpteenth time this morning.” his eyes narrowed “I feel like it’s for a boy and I wanna fight him already”

“Chan relax he’s five” he chuckled. “Besides you can’t deprive Minseo of dating the way you deprive yourself.”

“I’m not deprived. I just haven’t found anyone” he grumbled to himself.

“You’re not looking either, come on let me set you up on a date” he groaned “You know my coworkers are always asking about you. You know Yeji right? Any time you stop by my shoots she always tries to get me to give her your number” 

“I don’t need to date, I’m content really.” He chuckled lightly. “Besides Felix I’m a dad, I’m sure some twenty-year-old model isn’t trying to date me”

“Ok, first off you’re hot so please give yourself more credit and secondly, I’ll lay off but it’s been like five years since Minseo’s mom... you telling me you don’t have any needs? You don’t get lonely? Or even want Minseo to have a mom? I’m not saying going on a date is gonna change all that but, don’t close the door to it”

“Felix please-”

“Fine, fine. But tell me does this have anything to do with a certain sexy doctor next door? Are you two finally…?” he waved his hands around in the air vaguely while wiggling his eyebrows. 

“No! She’s my friend. My very beautiful and caring friend. But a friend”

“First of all, if she's only a friend, you wouldn’t have had to say it that many times, sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself of that. Secondly, it’s been like two years, You seriously not gonna make a move? You two are practically married, do you realize that right?”

“We are not! She’s just my frien-neighbor, occasionally she helps out with Minseo just like you, Jisung, and Changbin.”

“You guys eat dinner together like every night” he crossed his arms over his chest, looking at him in disbelief.

“She lives alone, and she said it’s no trouble cooking for two more.” he sighed. “I know what you’re thinking, our relationship isn’t conventional but it’s completely platonic. Stop looking at me like that Felix. I can have platonic feelings and recognize that she’s hot”

The door swung open as you popped in. Your smile instantly brightening the room. “Hey, Felix! It’s been a while” you wave before shouting down the hallway “Minseo! Baby let’s go, I’m dropping you off today”

Chan turned to you and smiled, meeting you near the door “Thanks for taking her today”

“It’s no problem, good luck at work today, oh and remember to pick up dinner on your way back. I already placed an order for tonight”  you smiled, absently adjusting his button up, smoothing down the collar. “There, now you look ready for a meeting” 

“I got it, I got it” he smiled shyly. “Thank you” His eyes twinkling meeting yours. He reached for your hand, giving it a warm squeeze. “Seriously, thank you for everything”

There was something about how he was looking at you that just made you feel so shy, before you could say anything you heard Minseo running down the hallway, her little feet padding against the wood floor. ‘I’m reaaaaadddddy!” She came barreling out, backpack bouncing as she hugged Chan and gave him a kiss “ByeBye Daddy, byebye Uncle Felix” You held her hand, before kissing Chan on the cheek and walking her out, giving them a final wave. 

“See you tonight Chris”

Chan knew he was done for the minute you pressed your lips against his cheek, and his first reaction was to try and chase your lips. It was the subtlest of moves, but he caught himself. Hoping that Felix hadn’t noticed. He closed the door after watching you two disappear down the stairs, only to be met with Felix’s judgmental stares. 

“Mate, are you kidding me?”

“I… that was pretty domestic wasn’t it?” he raised his brow nervously. 

“It felt like a damn sitcom, I mean it was cute as hell but still”

“Ok, ok set up your little blind date, I’ll go” he groaned. 

“You sure man? Like you two are really cute, you could just ask her out”

“I can’t man...it feels like I’m taking advantage of her...I don’t want her to date me out of a weird obligation she has for Minseo...and like...what if I mess it up?”

“Bro, I don’t understand how your self-esteem got this low but I’ll handle setting up your blind date. I’ll even babysit Minseo for you”

“Thanks, Man”

You walked into your office, placing your bag on your desk. Traffic was pretty light, and Minseo’s school brought you closer to the highway so you made excellent time. “Good Morning Dr. Lee~” you smiled as you looked over your patient files for the day, seeing your colleague walk in. 

Minho gave you a knowing smile “You sure look chipper today. Did you finally make a move on your hot neighbor”

You groaned covering the rising heat on your face. “Ugh please don’t remind me, I’m mortified. This morning I went to his place to pick up his daughter and bring her to school”

“Ugh you guys are sickening, that’s so cute” Minho rolled his eyes, sipping his coffee. “What happened? You jump his bones?”

“You’re disgusting” you scoffed before sinking in your seat. “He was just so cute, and he had a meeting this morning so he was all dressed up and like, I dunno I couldn’t help it. I was fixing his shirt, and like leaned in and kissed his cheek and ugh” you squealed hiding in your arms. 

“Oh my god, this is like foreplay for you isn’t it? You’re so touch starved, that really got you this worked up”

“Oh shut it Minho” you pouted. “He’s just so cute…”

“So when’s the wedding?”

“At this rate, Minseo is gonna get married before me” you sighed.

“Who’s fault is that? You’re attracted to him, you love his daughter, she loves you. You guys are literally a family. What’s stopping you from dating him?”

“I just don’t want to ruin this…”

“Ruin what? Your relationship? Why do you feel like you guys are gonna fail? Don’t you think it’ll be harder for Minseo to have to adjust to another woman in her life aside from you? She’s known you for half her life, as far as she’s concerned you’re family.” he sighed. “Think about it, you’re trying to avoid awkwardness from failing at a relationship because you don’t wanna lose what you have, but if Chan finds someone else and she is perfect for him you’re gonna lose Minseo and him because what woman is gonna want you around?”

Your eyes widened as his words sank in. He had a point, you were fighting to keep what you could untouched for as long as possible, but there was a chance that someone could take them from you and it broke your heart. 

“I’m not trying to scare you...But just maybe talk to him and see if the attraction was mutual”

His words were in the back of your mind all day, any moment you weren’t throwing into your work or patients it was lingering. Did you really stand a chance with him? Could there be a future? 

“If it isn’t my favorite Doctor” a low voice called out of your thoughts, making you look away from the charts. 

“Oh Hey, Dr. Kim” you gave him a cordial smile. 

“I told you to call me Woojin” he gave you that toothy smile, taking a seat on your desk. “How’s your day going?”

“Steady, it’d be even better if my nurse could finish his rounds” you called out a little louder seeing nurse Hyunjin going for yet another cup of coffee outside your office.

“I’m on it” he chimed.

Woojin chuckled before clearing his throat. “So...tonight me and a bunch of the guys are going drinking.”

“The guys?” you raised a brow. 

“Seungmin from pediatrics, Minho from ER, Jihyo and Naeyeon from neuro, a few of the nurses.” he smiled “You wanna come? It’ll be at the pub down the road.”

“Thank you for the invite but I’m busy after work”

“Can’t it wait?”

“I’m picking up a little girl from school. I’m not gonna make her wait” you gave him a forced smile, not liking to defend yourself. 

“Sorry” he raised his hands in defeat. “It won’t be until later, like 11pm since Minho doesn’t get off until then so...if you find yourself with the time swing by.” he smiled “I’ve worked with you for years but I feel like I barely know you.”

“And your way of getting to know me, is at a loud bar with all our co-workers?”

He laughed “You have a point. Maybe we can do coffee sometime.” he pat your desk before heading out. “I’ll text you the address for tonight just in case.”

“Later” you waived, shaking your head. 

After work you grabbed Minseo from school, and she told you every single thing about her day and how her teacher Mr. Yang complimented her dress and all the new hairstyles she wanted to try. Once you got her home and washed up the two of you winded down with some tv as you practiced making her the perfect pigtails for school tomorrow. 

It took the entire day but you finally built up the courage to talk to Chan about your feelings, and possibly address this obvious attraction. You figured you weren’t gonna jump right into Hey, lets date. But somewhere along the lines of. You feel this too, right?

“I’m home” Chan chimed, setting his laptop down just in time to catch his daughter running at full force into his arms. “Hey Baby” he showered her with kisses. “I missed you!”

“How much?” she giggled between his kisses 

“To the moon and back!” he spun her playfully, laughing with her as she giggled. He gave you a tired smile “I even remembered to pick up dinner”

“Perfect”, I was starting to worry since you were late” you smiled helping him unpack it as he had his hands busy with his daughter. Looking over at his stuff, your brows furrowed at the clothing store shopping bag “You did some shopping on your way home?”

“...I did” he faltered, setting Minseo down so she could grab her ribbon from school. He rubbed his neck nervously. “Felix set me up on a blind date tomorrow, and I didn’t have anything appropriate to wear. He thinks I’m out of touch, so he helped me find something”

“Oh…” you almost hated yourself for how obviously disappointed you sound. “Anyone I know?” you practically slammed the container down, trying to figure out what to do with this surging uncomfortable feeling.

“No... Um she’s one of Felix’s model coworkers...” his voice small, all of his nerve dissipating seeing your shift in mood.

You were never one to hide your feelings. You wore your heart on your sleeve. Deceiving people was not one of your strong points. Your eyes shifted down before you forced a laugh. “Wow, a model...that’s nice. I’m sure you’ll look great in what Felix picked out” you unpacked the dinner quicker, clearing your throat to try to ignore the rising tension. 

Chan just stood there, fiddling with his watch, rocking on the heels of his food. Each tick of the second hand on the clock, acting almost like a constant reminder of how awkward it felt. 

“...Did you need a babysitter for tomorrow?” you finally asked after the suffocating silence.

“No...Felix is gonna watch her…” Chan fiddled with his fingers awkwardly. The mood between you two fell instantly, and suddenly he regretted this whole blind date thing. Was it presumptuous to assume you were upset because of him? “I...are you ok…?”

Are you ok? What kind of question is that anyway? It always prompted such a negative response from you. If you had to ask someone if they were ok, that meant they very obviously seemed bothered. And yet there it is slapping you in the face alongside the only acceptable answer to follow up the question with because of social niceties. “I’m fine.” you gave him a bright, tight-lipped smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes. “I...I’m just starving” you tried to blink away the tears that threatened to fall. 

Minseo came out of her room holding her ribbon “This is what Mr. Yang gave me today he said I had the best outfit because it was a blue day and we learned about everything blue and my dress was blue” she beamed. 

“Beautiful Baby, I’m so proud of you” Chan picked her up “You ready for dinner?”

“I’m so ready!” 

Chan sat her down in the chair and looked back toward you. “You ready to eat?”

And there was something about seeing Minseo’s face that just broke you. She frowned seeing your face. Your eyes were glazed over but you were smiling. But it wasn’t like your warm and bright smile she loved. You looked so sad.

She was always so sensitive to her surroundings, Kids were licked that, they could tell when you were sad, and they weren’t afraid to ask questions. And you couldn’t bring yourself to keep up the act in front of her. “Um actually. I just remembered” you laughed “I had a dinner thing tonight with my co-workers, a bunch of stressed doctors drinking tonight at the pub” you clapped your hands “Honestly I’m such a clutz, how could I forget?”

“But you just said you were hungry…” Chan frowned watching you gather your things. “You don’t have time to eat even a little?”

“I don’t. I forgot I have to dress up for this” you smiled, doing everything in your power to avoid looking at him. 

“You’re not eating dinner with us?” Minseo frowned.

“I’m sorry Baby…” you smoothed down her hair not wanting her to feel sad. “I forgot I had to do a work thing...But I’ll tell you what, I’ll stop by tomorrow after I get off of work to tell you a story.”

“Promise?”

“Promise” you wrapped your pinky around hers before pressing your thumb against hers. 

As you walked out, mumbling a small goodbye to Chan he grabbed your arm. His body moving before he could think, just hating this awkward feeling between you two. “Hey seriously...are you ok…?”

“I’m fine.” you gave him a weak smile.

And he didn’t have it in him to fight you on it. Like it wasn’t his place, because after all, you were just neighbors. 

You returned to your apartment and it suddenly felt far too big and far too empty for you. Sighing and slumping against your door. Of course, he’d start dating eventually... It just really sucked that he wanted to start the moment you realized that maybe you stood a chance to date him. 

And it wasn’t your place to tell him to not go. What were you even supposed to say? Hey, I know you’ve been completely platonic friends for the past two years but, hey I really like you sorry I waited for you to literally have a date before I told you? You wiped away the stray tears that fell down your cheek. 

Would it have been better if Minho never made you come to terms with your feelings? Perhaps, but a part of you knew that you would have been heartbroken regardless. All you could do now is to pick up the pieces and cherish what’s left of the time you had with Chan and Minseo. 

To be continued… 

▶Chapter III

I’m sorrryyyyyy 

this chapter went on a little longer than I planned so my series went from a 3 parter to 5 parter but don’t worry it’ll be uploaded quickly

<3

Let me know if you want me to tag you :3

[cinnella]

Name: Calyx Everhart (chosen name); Izar Sauvageau (birth name)

Age: 22 years old

Sex: Male

Sexuality: Bisexual

Zodiac sign: Sagittarius

Birthday: December 16th

Patron Arcana: Temperance (Major); Knight of Wands (Minor)

Occupation: Herbalist, magician and jeweler-hobbyist

Height: 5'9" (1.75 m)

Weight: 152 lbs (69 kg)

Relatives:

Celeste Sauvageau - mother (deceased)

Isaac Sauvageau - father (deceased)

Elias Vincent - family friend (deceased)

Origin: Born close to the Macawi Port, grew up in Vesuvia

Race: French, with Spanish roots

Powers: Green (herbalogy) magic and the ability to control earth, plants and the alike

Intelligence Level: On a scale from 1 to 10, he's close to 6.4

Backstory:

Not far off from the Macawi Port, a small village sat between two hills, and one afternoon while his parents had been really busy, he was born unexpectedly.

He lived a simple life there for his first two years. His parents knew that he'd feel lonely so they wanted to gift him a sibling. When the time came for his mother to give birth, it went tragically wrong. Both her and the baby passed away.

His father fell into a deep depression and soon took his life, unable to live with the thought of losing them. Izar was left with no one, but Elias, his parents' old time friend.

But he was way too old to take care of a child. He didn't know if he'd live long enough to raise him.

Luckily, a traveler had been in town for a while, saying that they were looking for orphaned children that needed care. So, with pain in his heart and tears in his eyes, Elias gave little Izar away.

About a week later, he was brought to Vesuvia, to an orphanage in the South End where many others were taken care of.

There, he grew up a rather lonely child. He was sweet and kind, but he always somehow caused troubles for the others. Even so, one child in particular wanted to be friends with him.

She had dark skin, beautiful jade eyes and chestnut brown hair. The adults often referred to her as Allira. Almost immediately, they became best friends and quite inseparable at that too.

When he was around 5 years old, they both joined a small group of kids. He was told to be aware of them because they were troublesome and although Izar didn't want to mingle in such things, he felt good vibes coming from them.

The so called leader in group's name was Syro. The others were two girls named Morana and Eris. And even if the three of them were skeptical at best to let the two 5 year olds join them, they still did. After all, Izar kind of insisted that they do.

He already knew what the caretakers had in plan for him when he'd grow up some more- they made it their goal to teach the kids the basics of reading and writing and let them choose a name for themselves.

And when the time came, Allira was the first to change her name, into Libelle. Although there was only a two month gap between them, he felt a little jealous, being the youngest. But then his birthday came too.

And so, Izar Sauvageau became Calyx Everhart.

His childhood was nothing short of decent. It wasn't the best, but it was good enough for him. Full of adventures and mischief, things he surprisingly enjoyed, and a group of friends- or siblings if you will- who were always willing to make his day better.

But then, like a dam crashing, bad news came with the years that passed. The adults made it clear that they loved the kids as their own, but they were getting old and rusty to take care of so many. So, when each of them would turn 17, they'd have to leave and make their own future.

Eris was first to leave as she was eldest. Cal isn't the type to vocally admit his emotions, but he hugged her so tight that day, he was afraid to let go.

As time passed by, and he entered puberty, Morana and Syro had to leave too. In the end it was only him and Libelle left. The other three would visit of course, but it wasn't the same.

Then, when it was Libelle's turn, she couldn't leave him behind, so they left together. Their main priority was to find something left of their roots, their relatives.

They tried to find Libelle's first, but to no avail. They only found a distant friend of her parents who told them what happened to them. She was so shaken up from such revelations that they had to go back to Vesuvia to calm down for a while.

Not much later, after gathering enough information, they took a boat and traveled to the Macawi Port, where he was told he'd find someone who knew about his heritage. Eris accompanied them. After what happened to Libelle, they didn't want to risk the same thing happening to him.

There, they found Elias Vincent, his parents' friend that gave him away so many years ago. He was old, barely standing anymore, and it took him a while to recognize Calyx. Elias sat down him down, explained everything to him. After half an hour of discovering tragedies and rivers of tears on their cheeks, they spent the night there and left at dawn.

There was nothing left for Calyx there, he had his own family and future to make in Vesuvia.

But then, 2 years later, the Red Plague arrived. All of them except Eris knew it'd be better to leave, to flee from the place.

Him and Libelle took to their own path, and traveled across to Venterre, where Eris told them to find her brother, Sethos. He would shelter them until the chaos would be gone.

And so they did, but a couple of days later, the three of them were shocked to receive news that Eris had caught the plague and died.

Then one night, Libelle frantically woke both of them up, telling them she felt Eris' energy. That she had a vision of her being alive. So Calyx wrote a letter to Syro and Morana, letting them know they had to meet up in Vesuvia and find her. And true to Libelle's visions, Eris was alive and well.

Apparently, Asra, the one that she lived with in her shop, brought her back through a sacrifice. But they couldn't let her know anything of her past or it would trigger immense headaches and catatonia.

After she was assigned to Count Lucio's murder case, the others all made it their duty to help her in some way.

So he took it upon himself to make sure they had all the ingredients needed for any sort of ritual or potion or anything else.

And Portia, the Countess' trusted handmaiden, offered to help him.

He didn't expect to fall in love with her though.

Personality: compassionate, anxious, caring, loving, forgiving, determined, self-less, energetic, trustworthy, honest, faithful, genuinely passionate, friendly, a little shy and very kind-hearted

Interesting facts:

The identical tear-drop tattoos under his eyes are a result of Syro and Morana dragging the others to get tattoos as well.

Gemstones and crystals are his passion and number one hobby.

He doesn't trust easily, no matter how friendly and polite he may be.

Although he loves to create jewelry, he doesn't wear it often.

He's sometimes insecure about his appearance, but he tries his best to think positively of himself.

Loves animals, especially bunnies, they're his favorite.

He loooooves playing the piano, especially if he's dueting with someone.

He has a scar on the right side of his neck and one on his right pec, both from dagger cuts.

Appearance: Limestone skin tone, straight-quiff strawberry blond dyed hair, silverish-grey eyes, soft skinny inverted triangle body shape

Familiar: Mauve, the most beautiful and mischievous violet-backed starling in town

Voice claim: Heath Ledger

Full sprite:

AND HERE'S MY UWU BOY, CALYX!!💜

It didn't take me as long as I thought it would, the drawing process was actually pretty easy and smooth going.

Which makes me constantly think I missed something--

ANYWAYS, PLEASE SHOW MY BABY LOVE!!

[mochikeiji]

When Somebody Loved Me // TsukkiYama

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Pairings: Tsukishima Kei x Yamaguchi Tadashi

a/n: I may have randomly listened again to "When Somebody Loves Me" in Toy Story 3, and got this idea ヽ( ´¬`)ノ Parenthesis are the song lyrics!

GIF is not mine!

(When somebody loved me

Everything was beautiful)

Yamaguchi was the type of person to go through his past a lot randomly. Like the time he first watched volleyball, the time he was bullied, and the time he first met a friend. His only friend. He had never felt so complete the day he trailed behind Tsukishima's back. What's more is that he wasn't bothered or pushing him away like other people did.

For once someone actually liked his presence, and has stuck up with him from childhood to teenage years.

(Every hour spent together

Lives within my heart)

"Nice serve." The blonde praises quietly, making Yamaguchi grip the ball on his palms, a fire lit inside of him as determination and happiness mixed.

His happiness always so humble. A simple praise from his cool and amazing friend would always leave a mark on his heart, a song that will always be on replay in his head.

In game, or in school, every moment he had with Tsukishima he cherished everyday. He felt blessed, too blessed that he began to feel selfish from having such an amazing blessing. He thanks the heavens for him everyday.

He thanks and prays with every heart and soul that this would remain the same.

(And when he was sad

I was there to dry his tears)

"Will you stop calling yourself lame!" Yamaguchi finds himself yelling at him, he was never the one to lose his shy, soft spoken self, but he has no control when the people he loves says they hate themselves or even makes a bad comment about their selves.

Tsukishima looks at him, face in shock, and wet from splashing water onto it. "If you keep doing that, then you're going to be lamer than you already are!" Yamaguchi puffs his cheeks, trying to look tough, and angry. Tsukishima was still frozen, it wasn't all the time he gets to see his timid friend become a loud yet strong willed person.

And it wasn't all the time Yamaguchi would see Tsukishima tore himself apart by blaming himself from not being good enough at something.

(And when was happy so was I

When he loved me)

Wiping his face with a clean towel, and placing back his normal glasses, he smiles, "Since when did you get so cool?" Yamaguchi flinches, but shyly scratches the back of his head, "I'm still the same person, Tsukki." smiling softly as the blonde made his way through the door. Stopping by putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Thank you." leaving behind Yamaguchi with an idiotic yet adorable smile on his face, before snapping out of his thoughts when he was alone in the bathroom.

"T-tsukki! Wait!"

(Through the summer and the fall

We had each other, that was all

Just he and I together

Like it was meant to be)

The two friends made their way to the gym for a summer training. It was weird to see Hinata and Kageyama aren't early as they always been. Tanaka made a comment that they were out jogging or racing eachother, and that they'll be late.

Yamaguchi doesn't complain though, he likes moments where it's just them, and no members trying to pull them apart for separate practices. Every second felt like it was just the two of them in their own little world.

Placing down their bags, they warmed up together, having a little chat, "You seem to always stare at Yachi san a lot, don't you." he says, now stretching his other leg. "N-no! I just think she's adorable, Tsukki! No feelings at all!" Yamaguchi rambles, afraid that the male would be thinking of such things. "I'm kidding, jeez, can't take a joke?" chuckling a little at him, Yamaguchi stayed silent. "I don't like Yachi san..." he takes a deep breath, and looks at Tsukishima with a blush on his face "I o-only like you, Tsukki!" he confesses, it was now or never.

He was surprised to see the way he smiled, not the snarky or sarcastic one. But a genuine, real one. One where you can read his emotions loud and clear.

"I know, idiot."

(And when he was lonely

I was there to comfort him)

Sitting on a cemented bench in silence, Yamaguchi watches Tsukishima take another sip of his favorite drink with his headphones on his ears.

Tsukishima just texted him that no one was at his place, and that he was getting bored. So he asked if they could meet at the place where they used to play as kids. It was now their usual hang out spot after school days. Yamaguchi could never say no, and rushed out. He even treats him with his favorite drink.

But he knows random calls like these coming from him usually meant he was troubled. Yeah he wasn't good at expressing his feelings much, but after so many years of being with him, he had memorized him like a poem.

(And I knew that he loved me)

"Hey" he straightens up his posture as he hums in response, "Thanks for this." Looking back at the freckled male with a smile, raising his canned drink. Smiles from Tsukishima to Yamaguchi meant a lot of things. It can either be, "you're an idiot.", "oh god why am I with this person.",

"I love you, I hope you know that."

Yamaguchi just smiles at him, and nods happily.

"Anything for you, Tsukki."

(So the years went by

I stayed the same

But he began to drift away)

Graduation was nearing, he had seen Tsukishima become more busy, and hasn't been attending practice much. He knows he was an intelligent person, one who wants to keep their future and finances in check. He was working hard for both that and his passion in volleyball.

But somehow he feels him slowly become an entire different person. Much like Kageyama back in middle school when he explained his story. He seemed to become someone who prefers to be alone. Like when they were kids.

Yamaguchi couldn't serve the ball properly from his thinking, always messing up like when he was in first year.

Today was no different, he watches as he blocks again another ball from the new members of the team. But he seemed to be less into the game. Not like he wasn't before, but now, it felt like he was just someone else.

Like a the boy he first had his eyes on when they were kids. Just a stranger.

(I was left alone

Still I waited for the day)

"H-hey, Tsukki. Let's go home together." He tries making small talk, but the roots on his feet felt like they were pulling him down as he faces a completely different aura from him.

"I'm heading home first. My brother and I have some things to attend to." he just watch as Tsukishima stuffs all of his belongings in his bag, "T-then I'll come with you—"

"Just stay and practice. You don't have to keep following me around all the time."

Frozen at his spot as the male leaves. How long has this been annoying him? The fact that he was inseparable from him, was he getting annoyed of him?

Yamaguchi looked like a kicked out puppy, wondering what he did wrong to him.

(When he'd say, "I will always love you")

He didn't dare act like that to Yamaguchi. The boy was just too precious to be acting all scary. But now, he just snapped, and walked away.

But Yamaguchi was understanding, kind. He prays he'd come by— back to his normal self again.

(Lonely and forgotten

Never thought he'd look my way)

After graduation, Tsukishima wasn't coming to him anymore. He stopped walking together with the boy. Doesn't even congratulate him after the ceremony. Even the following months of break, he didn't show up. Yamaguchi had never felt so cold. It was as if the feelings he had felt as a child came back to him.

Yamaguchi held back his tears, as he focused on finishing his requirements for college. He always hated being alone. He hoped he never had to feel this way again like before. It was an awful spirit to ever eat him.

Does this mean they'd already broken up? Was he brave enough to bring it up after so long? No he wasn't. He was still the same loving person he was.

But oh how he missed his sarcastic lover.

He cleaned up his pile of notes, and finished his coffee, staring out the window from the cafe he was in. He had to head home soon, or he'd be caught up by the rain. Sure as hell be a bummer if his notes got soaked. Before he even had the chance to get up, he was met by a familiar glasses person, blonde hair now longer than before.

"T-tsukki." he stutters out, before he was able to great him, Yamaguchi runs out of the cafe, his chest feeling heavy as he ran. He wished he could've stayed, he wanted to. But he was so afraid. He stopped running when he felt a drizzle of rain drop from the tip of his nose, it began to pour as he runs to a near alley with a roof, and settles there.

(And he smiled at me and held me

Just like he used to do)

His breathing calms down, "Thank goodness." he sighs, "My notes are saved." smiling sadly at the thought of leaving his "lover" back there, his eyes began to water again, hugging his bag as he buries his face against it. He felt horrible. He felt like a bad person.

"Oi." he felt a hand on his hunched back, "That was pretty stupid of you to run into the rain like that." his body didn't move an inch as the hand lingered, "The man back there in the cafe was worried his regular costumer had run out, a pain really to make me come and get you." slowly he looks up from his bag, he whimpers at the sight.

He was smiling.

"I'm sorry." Words like these never was expected to come out of Tsukishima's mouth. But in Yamaguchi's case, he was the only one allowed to see his other sides. "I'm so sorry, it took me long, I know." he sat on the concrete floor. Usually he'd cringe at how disgusting it was, but he didn't pay attention to it. "I'm sorry I treated you like that— like this." referring to the males crying state.

"I'm sorry, Tadashi. Please forgive me."

(Like he loved me

When he loved me)

Throwing his bag to the side, Yamaguchi spreads his arms out wide, and nuzzles himself on Tsukishima, crying, murmuring various of words like, "Its okay.", "I'm sorry." "Thank God." "I love you. "

Placing a hand on his head as he pushes himself deeper into his chest. "You did nothing wrong." Tsukishima confirms, pressing a soft kiss at the crown of his head. "I love you too, I promise I'll make it up."

But this was more than enough to Yamaguchi. Judt having him back in his arms was already more than he could ask for.

(When somebody loved me

Everything was beautiful)

That was about a year ago.

Apparently Tsukishima and his brother had a bit of an argument, and problems regarding his college. He explained everything to Yamaguchi while waiting for the rain to stop pouring that day.

The next day, to his delight, Tsukishima drops by his house like he always does. This time, he was the one treating him out. Yamaguchi remembers that day Tsukishima surprised him with a fluffy yellow dinosaur saying that if he ever felt sad, know that he's there, as a dinosaur. And boy, that was the most wholesome moment he can never forget.

He treated him with so much dates, despite not being an outgoing person. But he'd do anything to make up for the pain he has caused him, and proves his promises in never doing it ever again.

(Every hour spent together

Lives within my heart)

"You're quiet, it's freaking me out." Yamaguchi takes his eyes off his book, meeting his lovers who was sitting on his work table. "Sorry Tsukki, I was spacing out." Laughing nervously, placing the book on the table of their little apartment they had just got together.

Tsukishima blinks before removing his headphones and walked towards the couch, "What were you thinking?" he says down, rubbing comforting circles at his hand. Yamaguchi smiles at the gesture, knowing he was the only one who can make Tsukishima soft and nice. "Just reminiscing the past." humming as he smiles at the warm feeling in his chest.

"It's not the bad ones, is it?" And yes, Tsukishima still has his sarcasm laced with him. "Only the lame ones." that didn't mean Yamaguchi can't pick up on him. The rain outside poured heavily, a convenience to his reminiscing memories. Finally it was just the two of them, what's better is that this time it was always the two of them in the same roof on their heads.

(When he loved me)

Soft lips were met on his cheek, the hand still holding his lovingly. "I love you." He whispered, as if he was hiding himself from the prying ears and eyes of the unknown world around him.

Moments like these, he cherished like they were a present from Christmas. Everything, he can never forget. As long as it was with Tsukishima, everything will be beautiful.

"I love you too, Tsukki."

[hidden-behind-the-fourth-wall]

Nothings ever what it seems

Bucky Barnes x Reader AU

Summary: Sometimes how we see things by our own eyes are not how things really are. This a journey of how you should never judge people by what you see.

Warnings: Swearing, bullies, parent’s death, mention of death, depression, lots of angst, but a happy ending.

A/N: This is my little entry for @mermaidxatxheart​ 500 followers challenge, but I’m pretty sure it doubled by now ;) It’s really emotional and kind of triggering stuff so if you do not feel like reading PLEASE DON’T. But I am very happy about this piece as I always wanted to write something about bullies, as it’s a personal thing for me. I hope you will enjoy it <3

oh and let me tag @idjitmonkey​, I hope you don’t mind, but you wanted to have a read at that, so here it is <3

Word Count: 4300+ (wow, sorry)

There are people who loved high school. All the sports teams, cheerleading, friendships that would pathetically last forever. First ‘real’ relationships, sex drive and partying. Oh, and the prom, homecoming and all the shitty things all the girl were so happy about. All those people loved High School. But you were not one of them. 

You hated it so much. Every memory you had about this time of your life was filled with sadness, anger or anxiety. You hated everything associated with High School. You never went to any sports events, didn’t care about cheerleading or who is dating who. You couldn’t give less of a shit about fashion, make-up or the parties. Those years were a nightmare for you. 

As a shy girl that focused her attention on studying, books and all the ‘lame’ clubs (like history and literature) you were one of the first to be bullied. You tried your best not to show that it affected you, hoping that they would give up eventually. Of course, being a poor kid in a school fool of rich assholes wasn’t helping. You weren’t dressing like them, weren’t talking the same language. You never went out, not to mention that you never had a taste of alcohol or went on a date. 

All you ever cared about was your education and all those part-time jobs you started to get when you finally turned 16. You needed the money more than all those stupid parties. Despite having a full-paid scholarship for your school there were still expenses that needed to be covered. Like your dad chemotherapy. Despite him trying to hide all the expenses from you, you knew how much money went into that and how little savings he had. All the money went on you, and you decided that as soon as you turn 16 you will work for yourself. And so you did. After the first year of high school, you gave up on all the clubs and took three part-time jobs. You slept around 4 hours with an extra two on Sundays, but you managed somehow. 

Your dad was pissed when he found out that you gave up your young, high school life for him, but he was never more proud of you. You cherished those little moments you had with him. You always gave him the stories you wrote and he gave you the best feedback. You told him some made-up stories of your amazing highschool and friends you had. He didn’t need to know how lonely you were. Nor about the bullies, that seemed to love making your life even a more of a living hell. 

HYDRA. That’s what they called themselves. Bunch of guys (and girls) that would start their life by taking all the lunch money from the kids. When they found out you had no actual money they made sure to destroy you mentally. During lunches they would always accidentally tipped their drinks on you, leaving you with dirty and soaked clothes until the end of the day. 

But this you could survive. From time to time Steve Rogers and his gang would step up and defend the weak. A captain of the football team and the smartest guy in school has never looked down on you. But he was also from a rich family, that should ‘keep their level’ which means he would never even consider being friends with someone like you. 

But there was him. James Buchanan ‘call me Bucky’ Barnes. From what the rumours said he was friends with Rumlow - the head of HYDRA gang - since primary school, but before high school they got into a huge fight. And now became the biggest enemies. 

“You ok?” He once asked you, those grey-ish eyes that would hunt you till your last breath - gazed at you. He was the first person that treated you like a human being in this school and your stupid teenage heart decided to fall for him. For someone, you could never have. Someone that was from an entire world. A place where he could happily be a high schooler, a playboy and the most charming boy you ever met. All he needed was just a simple smile and all the girls would give themselves to him. The bad boy looks mixed with a kind heart. 

If you wouldn’t be so tired and focused on school and work, you would probably be apart of this group of girls secretly hoping he would ask them out. But you weren’t. So despite trying to make things better, you - the world's biggest disaster - just growled, took your backpack and left with no words spoken to anyone. 

The Avengers, as HYDRA called them, weren’t too happy about how you treated their kindness. Natasha Romanoff, a daughter of ahead of the police, cornered you in the bathroom once and made very clear that next time someone saves your sorry ass you thank them. 

And that’s how you went on with your life. Having two biggest, most influential gangs in high school hating you. Sometimes you would catch Barnes (you would never call him any other than his last name) glancing at you, smirk under his nose. 

So your life continued. It was cruel and tiring but a least you had your dad to make it work. It was him to beg you to go to at least your prom if you missed the homecoming. (you told him you weren’t feeling good). He even bought you a dress online. So when the day came you got yourself ready and was about to head to show yourself all fancy looking to your dad, when you got a phone call from a doctor to come to the hospital as your father was feeling worse. 

And this was when your life changed completely. There you were in this ridiculously beautiful dress, watching your dad’s heart stop beating before you were able to show yourself to him. Your world ended that day. At the age of 18, you were left alone in this world. With an enormous bill to pay and an acceptance letter for the NY University. On this day, you closed yourself even more. You didn’t even care about all those mean words from Rumlow or the little smirks and looks from Barnes. You focused completely on studying and surviving. You sold the house your dad still had hoped to keep and with the money you had from it you rented a small apartment outside of NY. An hour and a half drive altogether, but at least something you were able to afford. 

When you got that acceptance letter, you promised yourself that your life will change. You will be a better person and actually enjoy uni, even if you would have to work twice as much. You wanted to do it for him. Your dad. But now that he was gone, you had no reason. So before the Uni started you were able to find yourself two surprisingly well-paid jobs.

**

Journalism was always something you wanted to do. A little dream in the back of your head. Something your dad always encouraged you to do. And now that you were finally about to start your year at your dream Uni, there was nothing that would stop you. At least that’s what you thought. Until your first introduction class to WW2 you decided to take, as you always loved history. 

“Well isn’t this Mrs Trouble-maker?” You froze hearing the familiar voice of the man who once helped you. You looked up from the book you were reading while waiting for the class to start. “Of course front table.” He chuckled and smirked at you. The same damn smirk that was hunting you since that day. His hair was a bit longer and he seemed to spend a bit of time at the gym during summer. His eyes, however, were as beautiful as they have always been. 

“Barnes…” You whispered, closing your book and looking up at him. “I didn’t know you were going to NY.” 

“She speaks!” He laughed, turning towards Steve who just walked in. He nodded his head as a way to say hi and sighed at his best friend. “Year of having classes together and you never spoke to me directly.”  

“Buck”, Rogers growled, when the room started to fill. 

“You ok, if I sit here?” Your frowned, when he showed to the seat next to you. You shrugged and turned towards the front of the class when the professor walked in. You tried to focus on the class, ignoring the little glances Barnes was sending towards you. 

*

You were more than relieved not to see him in any of your journalism classes. Apparently, it was just this one you both shared. Through the whole summer, you hoped you will never see the people from high school ever again. You hoped this part of your life was over. You could move on. As pathetically as you do it, just move on. 

“Miss Trouble-maker!” You cursed under your nose, wondering why gods hate you. “I didn’t know you work here.” A small cafe place was paying quite good money as it was normally visited by rich folks that didn’t mind spending 24 dollars on a stupid latte. 

“What can I get you?” You asked trying to stay as professional as possible. You even gave him one of your fake smiles. 

“Oi, Stevie, Natasha, look who I found!” You felt shivers down your spine hearing her name. Oh, Barnes was annoying, while Romanoff was just frightening. And of course, she looked even more beautiful after summer. Her always short hair grew longer. And not to mention that she has probably lost some kilos as well. If that was even physically possible. 

“Y/L/N”, she greeted you with a grin and you welcomed them as they would be every other customer. “I heard you got into NYU…” Oh, how you hated small talk, especially when there was a line of customers started to appear. 

“I’m sorry but the line is getting bigger. Can I help you with your choice today?” You really tried to sound as nice and polite as possible. 

“It’s not very polite to not answer someone’s question”, she hissed and narrowed her eyes at you. 

“Is something wrong.” You froze hearing the voice of your boss. The biggest chauvinistic, rich boy of an asshole you ever met. He was not much older than you, but because he got rich daddy he became a manager of his own coffee place right after uni. “Y/N the line is getting bigger.” He growled at you angrily. Oh, and of course he hated you. Especially after you declined his offer for a date about four times already. He was just waiting for an excuse to hire you. 

“You should teach your workers to answer questions, Jack.” Your widened hearing Romanoffs remark. 

“Natasha! It’s so good to see you.” He smiled and went there to give her a hug. 

“Come on Nat, it’s our fault!” Bucky chimed in, giving you an apologetic look, which you tried to ignore. “Sorry, man. I was trying to catch up with a friend from school.” You did everything you could not roll your eyes at it. A friend from school. That was a good one. 

“Doesn’t justify why the line is getting bigger.”

“Maybe if you helped your workers a bit, it wouldn’t be that bad?” Bucky hissed. Apparently, they both didn’t like each other much. 

“I’m the manager, Barnes. I hire people to do their damn job and if someone can’t they probably shouldn’t be here…” As you were about to just ignore them and take another customer in, you froze hearing his words. “Sorry guys for the inconvenience your coffee on me.” He then smiled and turned towards you. “Well on her, as she seems not to be able to do her job!” Your eyes widen. No, no, that was not happening. Why did the world hate you so much? 

“Sorry doll, I...:” 

“Have you decided on your choice of beverage, sir?” You asked, trying to stop the angry tears from flowing. You were sure that when the day is over you will lose that job. And what’s worse getting a job in the middle of the academic year was a nightmare. Almost impossible. 

“Come on, Buck…” Steve murmured and ordered three cappuccinos for himself and his friends. “And we’ll pay.” He smiled and took his card from the pocket of his jacket. “Sorry about it, Y/N.” You nodded and turned around, preparing yourself for the end of the day. 

*

It was supposed to be your time. Journalism was what you loved since you were a kid. An idea of telling someone’s story was so appealing to you. So beautiful and romantic. But now when the end of the year came and you got a yearly reminder of how much you own to different institutions you were sick. The bill for your dad’s treatment wasn’t getting any better. not to mention the still growing rates of your student loan and all the postponed bill were growing as well. You were completely broke and after losing the job at the cafe you didn’t get to find another one. Not a part-time, who would expect students or something which was remotely near uni or your flat. Not to mention that your landlord needed to raise the rent, which only made you realise how fucked up you were. You were able to get extra shifts at the shop but it still didn’t pay the expenses. You needed to make life decisions and this one, to end your childhood dream was one of it. 

A year of expenses from University was still better than a future 5 years (mixed Master course)  and as much as it pained you to send the letter to the dean you needed to do it. You cried the whole week prior to this decision. You felt even worse when the amazing guy tried to make you stay, promising to try and help you with the loan. But even with the extra scholarship, you wouldn’t be able to make it. So with as much spirit and power you had in you, you thanked him and left his office ending your student career. 

“Miss Trouble-maker!” You have got to be fucking me! Since the cafe incident, he tried to talk to you. Even invited to a 4th of July (and Steve’s birthday) frill and theirs. But you ignored him. You didn’t care you were impolite but you hated him. And as much as you knew he wasn’t really at fault for your shitty situation but now you really needed to put a blame on someone. “I missed you at the hist…” He got quiet when he noticed the tears that you had enough of hiding. “What happened?” His voice serious, and there some softness in his feature. 

“Leave me alone, Barnes!” You hissed, and walked past him, to the end of the building, really not wanting to make a scene at the corridor. “Just once in your life, leave me the fuck alone”, he was taken back by the curse. For all the years he’s been observing you, you never once cursed. Never. You were a goodie girl. 

“No. You’re crying. Come on, tell me what’s happening? Did someone hurt you?” The sincerity in his voice was so annoying. Why was he so nice to you. Why did he even care? 

“Why would you care heh?” You growled, not caring about making a scene anymore. He wanted to know. Then fuck it. He will know. “Why would someone like you care? Your whole life is nothing but open doors waiting for you to cross. Why would you give a fluffing fuck about someone like me? You never cared about making my high school life a living hell beside that damn Romanoff and Rumflow. The never leaving smirk on your face haunts me till this day. The way you look down at people who weren’t so lucky to be born rich.” You sniffed and pushed him away from you when he tried to take a step closer. “And when I thought I was finally free from this damn school, you and Romanoff happened again. You walked into my life, making it a living hell again. This one time after this damn prom night, I wanted to start living again, but no, you were always there, with this annoying smirk of yours!” You didn't care that there were people watching the two of you. You were sure you heard Rogers and Romanoff from the crowd, but Barnes stopped them with a shove of his hand. “But I didn’t care. I learned to have my life a living hell, but then you had to come to my work and destroy all of it, with your damn friends!” You shouted, showing at surprised Natasha. “You with your high status, rich kids behaviour cost me my job!” His eyes widen and when he was about to open his mouth to speak, you stopped him. “You have no clue about my life. No idea how hard it is for me to survive every passing hour. Not to break down and just fucking give up.” You shook your head, wiped the tears with your sleeve and turned around. “It doesn’t matter anymore. Whatever game you were playing, you won, Bucky. Congratulations.” It was the first time you called him that and it burnt your lips. “Damn it, everyone is watching… At least I will never come back to this place…”

“What are you talking about, Y/N?”

“I quit. Are you happy now? huh? DOES THIS MAKE YOU HAPPY?!” You shouted, turning back to him. “Life isn’t always as happy and under control, as yours is. Life is shit, Barnes. I hope you will never have to find it out!” And with no words left you run towards the exit, pumping at Romanoff, who had the decency to look sad. 

*

“I miss you, daddy!” You whispered, putting a simple sunflower on his grave. “I… I can’t do this any longer. My life is a mess, really. I'm a mess. You know… I left uni…” it was a month after you shouted at Barnes and left NYU and the first time you came to your dad’s grave. “I could not afford it. All the expenses. The bills, the loans… Everything just kept crashing down. But hey I got two jobs back. Damn it, daddy… I don’t blame you don’t get me wrong, it’s just. It’s hard. And I made a fool of myself and blamed a poor guy for all my problems. He didn't deserve my bitchy attitude, but… It was Barnes.” you chuckled remembering the time you told your dad about a guy you had a crush on. “He really didn’t deserve it. Now that I think about it, he was always nice to me. A bit cheeky and annoying but nice. Well, I guess it was harder not to have a crush on him, right?” You chuckled through the tears. “I think I will leave NY. I may go and live in a small town. You would be so disappointed at me, daddy. I really wanted you to see me happy. I was ready to come to the hospital and show you this damn prom dress, but… I’m sorry daddy.” You sat on the ground and hid your face in your knees. 

“I’m sorry.” You jumped on your feet hearing a familiar voice behind you. There was Barnes, with tears in his eyes, and a flower bouquet in his hand. “I didn’t know… No one knew…” 

“What are you doing here?” You asked, pretending to start cleaning, the already cleaned grave. 

“Please don’t hate me for that.” You frowned hearing his defeated voice. “Nat looked you up using her dad’s access.” You froze, but then you shrugged. No, you didn't care anymore. “Jesus, Y/N, did anyone from school knew? Teachers? Anyone?” 

“It doesn’t matter, Barnes.” You shook your head and put your small backpack on, and got yourself ready to leave. “Thank you for the flowers. If you wish you can put them next to mine. He would be happy.” 

“Y/N, please.” He cried, stopping you by your wrist. “Please… I… I really didn’t know about your situation. I didn’t know your dad was sick, not that he died… Please.”

“What do you wanna know Barnes? What’s more important, why do you need to know? It won’t change anything.”

“I always looked at you.” He smiled softly. “You were this smart, quiet, beautiful girl who caught my eyes. Damn, I was obsessed with you. I was hoping to see you at the prom, I wanted to ask you out. But you never came, now I know why...“ His gaze shifted at the grave behind you. “I cannot even imagine what you went through… But maybe we can start from the start and I can take you out for a coffee or something?” You looked at him and there was something shifting in your heart. This always confident guy was now all shy and nervous, all because of you. You put your hand on his cheek and smiled. 

“I will start everything from the beginning. This is why I’m leaving. Have a great life, Bucky.” He wanted to stop you, convince you to not leave but he knew that he was being selfish. So he watched you go. He left the flowers on the grave and promised to come here every year from now on. And maybe he would be able to see you again. 

*

It has been years since you came to this place. Ten years since you moved away and started a new, better life. You moved to Carlisle and worked in the little library there with some extra job in the small coffee shop. You got your degree in teaching and not journalism and you schooled kids in the little military school there, while you found yourself writing books, one after the other and before you were able to blink you were one of the most established writers. Your books were selling quicker than the freshly baked bread and you were finally happy. You were sending flowers to your dads grave unable to come back there. Until this year. After years you decided to move back to NY. A city you found yourself to actually love. You bought an actual flat in Brooklyn and got a small teaching job at the school there. Despite not having to work, thanks to your books, you still loved doing it. 

And when the anniversary of his death came, you finally went there, only to be met with a figure cleaning the grave. You frowned, knowing that you have cancelled the yearly grave caring. 

“Hello?” You froze when the man turned around. Despite those ten years, he hasn’t changed much. He has cut his hair from what he had in college. He has become a bit bigger, especially around shoulders. His jaw seemed sharper than before. He changed. From a boy, he transformed to even a more handsome man. But his eyes stayed the same. Beautiful greyish once that always melted your heart. You didn’t remember him being so tall, but when he straightened up he was a good head taller than you. “Barnes?” 

“Y/N?” His expression softened, hearing your voice. It was visible on his face that he had not recognized you. Of course not. You weren’t this poor kid anymore. You were good clothes and a bit of makeup. Your hair was well done, and not kept in a loose ponytail. Just like he has become a man, you have become a woman. “Wow… You... “ He coughed awkwardly, which made you giggle quietly. “You look great, Y/n.” He finally said, his voice a bit distant, almost unsure what this compliment would make you do. 

“You don’t look bad yourself.” You complimented himself, and you swore you could see a faint blush on his cheeks. “What are you doing here?” You asked, softer now. You noticed the already cleaned grave and some fresh flowers. 

“I…” He hanged his head and took a deep breath. “Don’t be mad at me, ok?” You frowned and nodded, letting him continue. “I… Since you left I came here every year and took care of your father’s grave. I felt so bad for how I treated you, and everything, and… Well when you left, this was the only reminder of you.” You felt your heartache at this shy, lost man standing opposite you. He was this confident, smirking and annoying kid anymore. You could see it in his eyes. He went through ups and downs in his life, which made him a different man. “I… Can stop if you want. I’m sorry, now that I think about it, it was invasion of your privacy… Shit, I…” You stopped him putting an arm on his forearm, to stop him from mumbling. 

“Thank you, Bucky.” His eyes widen, when his nickname sounded so soft. He swallowed and smiled shyly. “It means a lot to me, really. I… I think I should apologise to you as well. I was unfair to put all my failures on you. you were always nice to me, and I… I think it all just was just too much for me. I’m sorry Bucky for being such a bitch.” He chuckled and you couldn’t help but admit that this made him look even more handsome. So you decided to be a bit bolt. “What do you do after this?” 

“Nothing planned, why?” He asked, brows raised, when you smirked at him, trying to mimic his smirk from high school. 

“How about I go apologise and say hi to my dad and then we can grab that coffee you promised me those ten years ago?” He gaped at you like you were crazy for a second, but then his face lit up and the most beautiful smile appeared on his face. 

“I’d love that doll.”

[chickensarentcheap]

Best Part of Me -Chapter 87

Warnings: none

Tagging: @c-a-v-a-l-r-y​, @innerpaperexpertcloud​, @tragiclyhip​, @alievans007​

She dreams of the first Christmas in Telluride. That old farmhouse long before the extensive renovations that had transformed it from drafty and ill kept to a beautiful, warm place perfect for a growing family. It had had promise. High ceilings and original hardwood floors that could be refurbished. Thirty acres of property that backed onto a creek and woodlands and came with an incredible view of the snow capped mountains. After months of living with her mother and step father while getting their underneath them, the home represented the official start of their new lives in the States.  Set a thousand feet from the main road and surrounded by towering trees, it had provided peace and quiet and a sense of safety and security; two things they both craved and believed would be the perfect setting for raising children in. At the time they’d had no plans of ever returning to Australia, and while Tyler had initially struggled with the culture shock and the enormous change he’d made in his life, he’d actually adjusted  quite well to the change of scenery and the colder climate.  There hadn’t really been anything for him back home; aside from a couple of old friends. His relationship with his father had always been toxic, and only became more so with each passing year. A change will be good, he had said. And his words had quickly been proven right.

There were no memories haunting him in Colorado, and a drastic change came with the trading in of the beach and sweltering heat for the mountains and the forests and the cooler air. He was noticeably happier; smiling and laughing more and possessing a much more positive outlook on their lives and their future. The ghosts of his pasts didn’t follow him there, and he started sleeping better and rekindled the passion for working out religiously; putting on the weight and the muscle -and the some- that he’d lost during that long and often agonizing recovery after Dhaka. They’d just had Millie then. Ten months old and chubby cheeked; thick and wavy sandy blond hair and enormous blue eyes framed by impossibly long, dark lashes. An extremely happy and healthy baby. Full of curiosity and wonder and in love with the world; always giggling and smiling and in turn making their lives even brighter. The twins hadn’t even arrived yet; a month before they'd make their rather dramatic entrance into the world.

He’d gotten up in the middle of the night with an uncharacteristically unsettled and grumpy Millie; a mixture of teething and a stubborn cold that was making it hard for her to sleep. And when an hour passed and he still hadn’t returned to the warm confines of their bed -either alone or with the baby- yet all was silent in the house, she’d gone looking for them.  She’d expected to find him passed out on the couch with Millie on his chest, but instead discovered him standing in front of the Christmas tree. The lights on and their daughter in those strong, protective arms; voice soft and quiet as he talked to Millie about her very first Christmas that was quickly approaching. About how spoiled she’d be and how he was happy that she got to experience the extra bonus of having snow; how he’d always dreamed of experiencing a white Christmas when he was a kid.  

And he’d told her about what the holidays were like when he was growing up. How his mum put so much time and effort into making it amazing for him; sharing the traditions she’d grown up with and creating her own that he’d hopefully one day continue with his family. It was the one time of the year his father wasn’t drunk. When he stuck to only one glass of wine at dinner and never raised his voice or his hand to either of them.  For twenty fours hours, they were a normal family, and that night he’d go to bed and pray for one last Christmas gift: that he’d wake up and his father wouldn’t go back to his ‘old self’. That wish never came true, and once his mother died, Christmas lost any and all meaning or importance for  him. Relegated to just ‘another day’ in his life; another chance for the old man to beat the shit out of him and degrade him and try to break his spirit.  

He’d tried with his first marriage and child. Attempted to get into the Christmas spirit and bring back some of his mother’s traditions; wanting to make the time magical and beautiful for his son. But he could never seem to totally commit to it; too many bad memories holding him back. The pain of his mother’s passing and his father’s treatment of him still too raw, even though it had been more than fifteen years prior.  But he was determined this time, he’d told Millie, as he stood there with her in his arms. Things would be different. HE’D be different. Because she and her momma and her soon to be born brothers deserved that; a husband and a father who was ‘all in’. Someone totally committed to making every second of every day matter. He wanted to be a better person this time around. A better man.

It had been a beautiful thing to hear. And see. This big, strong man covered in scars and tattoos, looking at his little girl with so much love and awe in his eyes. And Millie caught up in looking at him with pure adoration AND at the tree; amazed by the multicoloured lights and her little hands exploring the branches and the decorations.  Esme hadn’t had the heart to disturb them, and she’d never told him about what she’d witnessed. That moment had been reserved for father and daughter. Instead she’d just gone back upstairs and returned to bed; pretending to  wake up when he finally climbed back in beside her a half an hour later.

She stirs to the ring of her cell phone; muffled by its resting place under the pillow next to her. She had somehow managed to drift off, her body and mind finally giving in to exhaustion; lulled into a restless sleep by the continuous beeping of the  EKG machine and her husband’s soft, slow breathing. The room is dark; illuminated only by the moonlight streaming through the window above her head and the glow of the bedside monitor. At first she’s disoriented. Blindly reaching for that solid, warm body that is usually beside her, but  finding nothing but cool, crisp hospital issued sheets.  It effectively snaps her fully awake and plunges her back into reality. The dream had been so vivid; as if she was experiencing that tender, beautiful moment for the very first time.  

It’s heartbreaking to wake up to. Her children thousands of miles away, her husband’s life still teetering on a very narrow and dangerous ledge, the sounds of hospital life just beyond the closed door; bells routinely going off signally patients -or their families- need help, the quiet chatter of the nurses at the central workstation.   And for a moment she doesn’t move; lying on her back in the middle of that little pull out couch, tears filling her eyes and a tremendous ache inhabiting her chest. She feels empty. Lonely. All of the fear and the worry and the anger sitting so heavily on her heart.  And when her phone stops ringing and then immediately starts up again, she gives herself a pep talk: “You can do this. You HAVE to do this. He needs you to do this. He needs YOU.”

She reaches under the pillow and snags her cell, frowning at the word HOME emblazoned across the screen. She glances at the illuminated wall clock across the room; it would be just shy of five am in Cooktown. She can’t help but think the worst; that the situation isn’t over after all and troubled has followed them home.   And she tries to keep the panic out of her voice when she answers.

“Hello?”

“Mommy?” That little voice greets. A harsh whisper; neither tearful nor scared.

“Amelia.”  She hasn’t used that name in years. Adopting the moniker Millie when the then three year old decided that was what she preferred to be called. And she quickly sits up and swings her legs over the side of the bed; shoving her feet in the pair of flip flops that  sit on the floor next to her. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Well...yeah...there IS something wrong.”

“What’s going on?” She rakes a hand through her hair as she stands, then grabs the hoodie off the chair beside Tyler’s bed and shrugs into it. “Are you okay?”

“I guess.”

“It’s five in the morning, doodle. What are you doing up? You should be asleep.”

“Is daddy there?”

“No,” Esme lies, then steps out into the hall. Giving a small smile and a nod in greeting to the armed guard -one of Anil’s people- that sits next to the door. A precaution; in case some loyal and overzealous fan of Asif’s or Mahajan’s attempts to cause trouble.  “He’s not.”

“Where is he?”

“He had to go and do some things.”

“Work things?”

“Yeah. Last minute stuff. Things that couldn’t wait and he had to get done.”

“Do you know when he’s going to be back? I tried calling his cell but it just went to voicemail. I want to talk to him. I want to talk to daddy.”

“He probably has his phone turned off. It’s important work stuff.”

“I’m important,” Millie reminds her. “And daddy always says that us kids are more important than anything else.”

“Well you guys are. You ARE the important thing to him. But I don’t think he was expecting you to call at this time of night. Not when you’re supposed to be in bed. Sleeping. And why aren’t you? Sleeping?”

“I had a bad dream. So I went into your room to get daddy. I forgot you guys weren’t home yet. Daddy always helps me after a bad dream. Always. He makes me warm milk and oatmeal and then he lies on the couch with me and rubs my tummy until I fall asleep.”

“Maybe you can ask Ovi or Uncle Kyle to do that,” Esme suggests.

“I don’t want Ovi or Uncle Kyle. I want daddy. That’s what daddy does for me. Not anyone else. I don’t want anyone else doing it. Just daddy.”

“Millie, we are thousands of miles away. Even if he was here, he wouldn’t be able to do anything for you.”

“But I could hear his voice and it would make me feel better. Remember how sometimes when he’s away for his job, I’ll call him and he’ll talk to me until I fall asleep again?”

“But he can’t do that, sweetie. Because he’s not here.”

“But if he’d turn his cell back on, he could do it. Can you call him on his other phone? His work one? And tell him I need to talk to him? If you tell him I had a bad dream, he’ll turn his other phone back on and call me. I know he will.”

“Millie, I can’t call him. He’s busy. And not even I can talk to him right now. I’m sorry. I wish daddy COULD talk to you. But he can’t.”

“Is he okay?”

Esme blinks. “Why wouldn’t he be okay?”

“You sound sad. Why are you sad? Is daddy okay? Did something happen to him? Is that why you’re sad?”

“Nothing happened, doodle. And I’m not sad. I’m just tired. It’s only one in the morning here.”

“I’m sorry, mommy. I didn’t mean to wake you up. I miss you.”

“I miss you, too. I miss you so much.”

“Will you and daddy be home soon?”

“I hope so.”

“I hope so too. Will you tell him I called? I left him two messages. On his cell. Will you tell him to listen to them?”

“I’ll tell him. I promise.”

“Ask him to call me later. I want to talk to him, okay?”

Esme nods, then swallows around the lump of emotion sitting in her throat. “Okay.”

“I love you, mommy. Tell daddy I love him. That I miss him. Today is Saturday. The sun will be up soon. We always watch the sunrise together on Saturdays and then we have breakfast and go surfing.”

“I know you do,”  she brushes away the tears that finally manage to escape. “I know you guys do that together. And you’ll get to it again when we’re home, okay?”

“Are you sure you’re not sad? You sound sad, mommy.”

“I’m okay. Just tired. And homesick. I miss you. I miss all of you. So much.”

“I miss you too, mommy. I’m sorry I woke you up. You can go back to sleep now. I’m going to take Saju out to pee; he can watch the sun come up with me.”

“That’s a good idea. I’m sure he’ll like that. I love you.”

“I love you, mommy. Tell daddy I love him. And give him a hug and kiss from me.”

“I will,” Esme promises, and then disconnects the call.  

Her hands violently tremble, making it nearly impossible to tend to the simple task of slipping her phone into her pocket. The ache in her chest worsens and her legs feel numb; threatening to give out from under her And she slumps back against the wall as the first sob escapes a pitiful, choked sound accompanied by another she attempts to to stifle with her hand.  All she can hear is her daughter’s voice; tiny and beautiful and so innocent. Millie’s words replaying over and over again in her mind. About wanting to talk to her daddy...NEEDING to talk to him...because he’s the only one that can make things better. The one she relies on to chase away the monsters and make her feel safe and secure again.  Six years old and her father is her entire world. That precious little girl who’d inherited his eyes and his smile.

The tears finally come.

****

When the return to sleep fails her, she heads to the family kitchen. It’s spacious and modern and stocked with free ‘goodies’ donated by the hospital; various flavours of teas and coffee, pastries and other desserts, and a selection of non perishables. Each family is given a small pantry and  bar fridge marked with their last name; safe places   to keep things purchased with their own money. It’s the small comforts that make a difference; those tiny details and touches that somehow manage to lift some of the stress, fear, and worry that have become your driving forces.

She boils water; thumbing through the wide selection of flavoured teas that sit in an ornate basket on the counter. And she freezes when she hears it; blood running cold and the hair on the back of her neck standing on end. The distinct sounds of wailing and sobbing coming from somewhere on the ward. At first it makes her heart skip a beat, then causes it to pound furiously in her chest. It’s gut wrenching; the harsh reality of someone else’s grief.  Someone else’s loss. It makes you sympathetic towards them but also fearful that you just may encounter the same situation. You can prepare yourself for it; the chance that the person you love may not make it out of a place like this. That they may never improve and will only experience setback after setback and never find themselves well enough for the ‘step down’ unit. It would be foolish NOT to consider that.

But you’re never fully prepared for when it actually does happen. The loss enormous. Sorrow profound. Seven years ago, the loss would have been tremendous;   robbed of what ‘could have been; and left to go through a pregnancy alone and then raise a child that belonged to a dead man. Now it would be catastrophic.   Years of  giving everything of yourself to someone; loving them with every bit of your body, heart, and soul and getting that same love in return. Having someone that looks at you as if you’re the most incredible and beautiful being on earth; their devotion and faithfulness unconditional and going hand in hand with their willingness to protect you at all costs. And having a family together has only elevated things ever further; creating life together and then getting to share in both the joys and the tribulations of raising them.  It’s a partnership; working side by side and each bringing out the best in the other. And all of a sudden that is taken away…

She refuses to think about it. What life would be like without him. The enormous hole that would be left behind. Losing her father as a teenager had been bad enough; a loss that she still mourns even decades later. But to lose your entire world? The love of your life?

“Stop!” Esme  orders aloud, and then inwardly scolds herself for letting her thoughts go to that dark, horrible place. It almost feels like a betrayal; counting him out at the very beginning of the fight. He’s never given up; no matter how dire a situation or how exhausting -whether physical or mental- the battle is. Always the one to keep her going when things seem hopeless. If the situation was reversed, he wouldn’t give up on her, and she feels ashamed for even considering doing it to him.

She turns away from the counter, mug of tea in hand then gives a small start and a   ‘fuck!’ when she discovers she’s not alone. A man younger than herself; smooth, dark skin, a shock of black, curly hair, and kind, chocolate brown eyes.

“My apologies,” he gives a sheepish smile. “I did not mean to frighten you.”

“It’s okay. I didn’t even hear you come in. Lost in my own little world, I guess.”

“Sometimes it’s nice to have that little world. A place to escape to. To get away from this The smells, the sights, the sounds. That machine...the beep, beep, beep...drives me insane.”

“I hear you. I think the sound is permanently etched in my brain. It’ll be a long time before it disappears. And I just got here.”

“What are you in for?” he asks, as she moves towards the door. “Sorry. I try for humour; when things are difficult. It’s how I deal with the stress. How I cope.”

“I hear you on that, too. I’m the same way. I guess I try cracking jokes or making light of things because I’m hoping it will make ME feel better. It drives my husband crazy sometimes. Especially when a situation definitely does NOT call for it. Or I ramble. Kind of like what I’m doing right now. Only about ten times worse. He’s the strong, silent type. I’m the chatty one. Even during moments I shouldn’t. Like right now for instance. Sorry. I ramble. Like  I said.”

“It’s alright. I don’t mind. We all have our ways of coping. Is that why you’re here? For your husband?”

Esme nods, then leans back against the doors, eyes riveted on her cup as she repeatedly dunks the tea bag into the boiling water. It’s nerves; the fear that those threatening tears will let loose. She’d thought there were no tears left  after her emotional meltdown following her conversation with Millie. That she’d cried herself dry. At least for the time being. And the last thing she wants is to lose it in front of a complete stranger.  

“He got hurt,” she says. “At work.”

“He works here? He’s from Bangladesh?”

“He’s Australian, actually.”

“You’re a long way from home.”

“We are. A very long way. Or least it seems like a very long way. I know; I don’t have an accent. Or if I do, it’s just starting and not very noticeable. I’m originally from Colorado.”

“And you married someone from Australia? How did that happen? You met on vacation?”

“Through work. We were assigned to the same project.”

“And he’s hurt? Bad?”

“Bad enough to be stuck here. It’s going to be a long road. Something tells me we’ll be here a while. He’s in pretty rough shape.”

“Must have been one heck of a workplace accident.”

“Someone tried to kill him,” she admits, and then quickly adds “He’s in private security. A job got out of hand. There was nothing he could have done about it.  There was no way he could have expected things to turn out THIS bad.”

“I’m sorry. That he has to be here. That YOU have to be here.”

“So am I,” she gives a small, sad smile. “But thank you. Why are you here?”

“My wife.  She’s been here for almost two weeks. She had a stroke. While giving birth. Our first child.”

Esme’s eyes widen, and one of her hands slides inside of the open hoodie and instinctively  rests on her baby bump.

“The doctors say there is no brain activity, but I’m not giving up hope. Sometimes, miracles happen. I can’t just give up on her.  She wouldn’t give up on me.”

“I am so sorry. I can’t even imagine what it’s been like for you. And the baby? Did the baby make it or…?”

“Baby is fine. Very healthy. Very beautiful.” He pulls his cell phone from his pocket, then turns on the screen and holds it out towards her, showing off the display. A beautiful infant with gorgeous dark eyes and little pink bows in her coal black hair.

“She’s beautiful. Congratulations.  It must be so bittersweet; having a new baby while your wife…” her voice trails off, unsure of what to say next.

“You have children?”

“I do.  I have five of them.”

“Five? Forgive me; you don’t look like a woman with five children.”

“Thank you, but believe me, I feel like a mother of fifty right about now. It’s hard; being so far away from them. They have no idea what’s happened. I feel terrible for lying to them, I do. But I really don’t know what to say. They’re so little; the oldest is only six. How do I NOT traumatize them? How do I tell them? I’m just so lost when it comes to this. To a lot of things, actually This is...hard Very hard. Having to trust complete strangers with the life of the person you love. To just put his life in these peoples’ hands. I’m not having a good time with it. At all. I’m sad. I’m angry. Mostly sad, though.”

“Angry?”

“At the person who did this to him. They’re dead, and believe me, there’s a special place in hell for them. But I’m still angry about it. And I’m angry at myself too. Because I made a mistake. And I guess in a way I feel guilty; that my mistake led to this.”

Her companion gives a sympathetic smile. “I don’t think he’d want you to blame yourself.”

“He definitely wouldn’t. Tyler would be pretty mad about it, actually.  He already thinks I’m too hard on myself in a lot of ways. That’s his name, by the way. Tyler. My husband.”

“My wife is Priya. I’m Sanjib.”

“I’m Esme,” she shakes the hand offered. “I should get back. I know he’s not conscious and probably won’t be for a while, but I still don’t like leaving him alone. I like to think he knows I’m there. He has PTSD; hospitals trigger it. He will not be happy when he comes out of sedation, that’s for sure. This is the last place he’ll want to be. It was nice to talk to you, though  Thanks for tolerating me.”

“We should meet. Every day. At a certain time. For tea. I would be nice to have someone to talk to. Other than doctors and nurses”

“It would be,” she agrees. “And someone other than my six year old who called me from Australia and should be sleeping. She had a bad dream and daddy always takes care of her after a bad dream. She’s missing him. A lot. But whenever you feel up to it, just come and find me. It’s hard to miss our room; it’s the only one with the armed guard sitting outside of it.”

Sanjib arches a quizzical brow.

“It’s a long story that needs a bit of time to tell. One that definitely calls for more than one tea. But it was nice talking to you. And I hope your wife heals. I hope a miracle DOES happen.”

“I hope for the same for your husband. That he’s awake sooner, rather than later.”

“Yeah,” she says, and opens the kitchen door. “So do I.”

****

When she returns to the room, Julie is stepping out; slipping the patient chart back into the holder on the door and then turning to greet her

“Is everything alright?” Esme asks, unable to stop herself from fearing the worst. Even the warm smile on the other woman’s face and the gentle hand that first touches her cheek and then lays on her shoulder. “Is he okay? Nothing’s happened, has it?”

“Everything is fine. I was just checking his vitals.”

“And they’re good? He doesn’t need to be intubated or…?”

“He’s doing all the breathing on his own. Doesn’t even need the nasal cannula anymore. And his oxygen level is still staying over ninety four.”

“And that’s good? That’s what we want it to be? Or better?  It’s a good sign that he doesn’t need any help?”

“A very good sign. He’s a lot further along than anyone thought he would be, that’s for sure.  Usually in cases like this, when someone has experienced that level of trauma AND so much of it, it takes weeks, sometimes even months, to see even a glimmer of progress. There are people who have been on this ward for a long time, with less done to them, that aren’t where he is.  He’s got a strong will to live, that’s for sure.”

“He has five reasons to stay alive back home.  There’s nothing he wouldn’t do for them. No fight he wouldn't fight. If it was seven years ago, you wouldn’t be seeing what you’re seeing right now.   Before the kids? He wasn’t the person he is now. Once our daughter came along, everything changed. HE changed.”

“I think you’re underestimating the role YOU played. That you DO play.”

“He is so strong. The strongest person I’ve ever known. And if anyone can defy the odds and prove people, it’s Tyler. So I hope you go and tell that one doctor...the neurologist...exactly what you’re telling me. Because he has been nothing but doom and gloom. He even told me not to expect much. Not even long term. I basically told him to go screw himself. No one is going to talk about my husband like that. No one is going to count him out. I don’t care how many degrees they have before or after their name. I know Tyler. And he doesn’t give up. He doesn’t know the meaning of it. And he is stubborn as hell! You’ll get to see that soon enough, I’m sure.”

“He’s already showing it. And so you know, he did wake. Very briefly, but…”

“Wait? What? What do you mean he woke up? How? Is that even possible? How can he? The surgeon said it would be a few days before they’d start bringing out of it. How…?”

“While it’s heavy sedation, it is still only sedation,” Julie explains. “It isn’t a medically induced coma.  So brief periods of wakefulness and some level of lucidity are common. He likely won’t remember experiencing it, but it will happen.”

“And he was fully awake?”

“Fully awake in terms of all the drugs continuously being pumped into him. But he did open his eyes and ask ‘who the hell are you?’”

Esme gives a small laugh. “That sounds like Tyler. He hates hospitals. They trigger a lot of bad things. It’s good he’s doped up. If he knew where he was and he had the energy, he probably would have lost it. He has pulled out many an IV. He won’t think anything of pulling out a central line. Did he say anything? Did he ask about his kids or…?”

“He asked for you. Seemed worried. I told him you were fine. That you just stepped out for a minute. I asked him how he was feeling and he said sick. So I gave him an anti nausea med through the line. The pain medication he’s on is notorious for making people sick, And he asked for water. So if he does wake up and wants something to drink, that’s what he can have.”

“I can’t believe this even happened. Especially so soon. I didn’t think there was a chance of something like this.  The way everyone was talking, it sounded like even after he was brought out of sedation, he might not come to right away. That it could take weeks, even.”

“Well between you and me, hun, doctors aren’t always right. I’ve seen a lot of patients they’ve been plenty wrong about.  Now don’t get your hopes up; it might not happen again right away. That might have been all the energy he had to spare for a while.”

“But it’s a good sign, right? That he DID wake up? I don’t care how long it takes for him to be okay. Just as long as long as he is in the end. And this has to be a good sign.”

“It’s a sign that his brain is working the way it should. And I’m going to make sure I tell that neurologist, too. There is nothing wrong with that man’s brain; not when he can call his wife by name and answer me when I ask him how he’s doing.  Everything’s going right for him, I promise you. And he’s in good hands. Very good hands. I’ll see that he gets everything he needs And that that mean old brain doctor gets put in his place.”

“You have no idea how much I needed this; to hear this. It’s just been a nightmare; I’m still trying to wrap my head around what went wrong. How could it go so bad, so fast? And then our daughter called and she’s six and her daddy is her entire world and they have this amazing bond.  I mean, he has a bond with all of them, obviously. But it’s different with her; he calls her his miracle baby. He lost a son. From his first marriage. And he never thought he’d be a dad again. And then we met in a crazy way and we made her and he then he survived what he did and…” Esme takes a deep, shaky breath. “....it’s just different. What they have.  She thinks the sun shines out of his ass and they’re so close and she misses him so much. I don’t know how to tell her. It’ll break her heart regardless.  All she wants is to talk to him and I don’t know how to tell her she can’t. I don’t know what to say to any of them.”

“What do they think they can handle hearing?”

“I don’t know,” she admits. “Millie is so smart and so intuitive for her age. TJ is tough on the outside but a total softie on the inside; he has a huge heart and feels and loves so deeply. And Tanner is crazy intelligent and an old soul. But they’re still babies, practically. She’s six. They’re five. What do I tell them other than daddy got hurt and can’t come home for a while? I don’t want them knowing details. You’ve seen him. Would you want your children knowing how bad he looks?”

“No. I wouldn’t.”

“And the one person I have to talk me through things like this, I can’t turn to because he’s the one that’s hurt. He’s the rock, not me. He’s the one that talks ME down. I have no clue what I’m doing right now. Other than lying to my children.”

“Just tell them the parts of the truth you know they can handle,” Julie suggests. “They don’t need details Especially ugly ones. Tell them that daddy is hurt and unfortunately can’t come home for a while. But as soon as the doctors say it’s okay, he can be sent to a hospital there and then they can see him as much as they want. It’s what I’d tell my kids And my grand kids.”

“It’s just so hard; being away this far from them. Especially the baby. She’ll be four months old next week and I’m thousands of miles away from her and I‘m afraid she’s going to forget me. The farthest away I’ve been from her is a few hours.  And that was only for two days! I could be here for a few WEEKS. I can’t go home; I can’t leave Tyler alone here.   I just can’t.”

“Is there anyone that could bring her to you? A friend that wouldn’t mind doing that?”

“Our oldest would do it In a heartbeat. He’s technically not ours, ours We’re his guardians. We’ve had him since he was fifteen. He’s twenty one now. I trust him with my kids’ lives. He’d do it. No hesitation. But then that leaves my brother alone with four kids and I don’t think he can handle that. And I’m not asking him to do it. He and Tyler do not get along; my brother thinks my marriage is an epic disaster and the worst mistake I ever made.”  Esme sighs and pushes a hand through her hair. “I can’t believe I’m rambling to you like this. I’m sorry; I’m sure you have a lot to do. I shouldn’t keep you like this.”

“Part of looking after patients is caring for their families too. And you’re a long way from home and you’re going through a hell of a horrible thing. You can lean on me. I’ve got broad shoulders. Why don’t you sleep on all of this? Or at least try and get some rest. This is  only the end of day one; you don’t have to have everything figured out . Get some sleep and hopefully something will come to you in the morning.”

“I’ll try. It’s hard. Sleeping alone. You get used to someone being there. I tell you, I will NEVER complain about his cold feet and snoring every again. It’s so weird; the rest of him is a furnace, but those feet!”

“My husband is a snorer. You know how many times I’ve wanted to smother him with a pillow over the years?”

“Oh, I’ve had those moments, believe me. But apparently, I talk in my sleep. Tyler says he can carry on full conversations with me. Apparently my favourite thing to talk about is grocery lists. I always talk about peanut butter, ketchup, and kitty litter. And we don’t even have a cat.”

Julie laughs at that.  “Try and get some rest, okay?  You got a little one in there that’s depending on you. Come here…”   she draws Esme into a tight embrace. “...you’re not alone. Remember that.”

“I’ll try,” she promises. And that pure, affectionate, and comforting moment once more brings tears to her eyes. And it’s sad. That harsh realization that this is the time in decades…maybe even ever…that she’s felt a hug like that Unconditional. Compassionate.

Motherly.

*****

“Your daughter called,” she says, as she parks the chair beside his bed. Gathering the hoodie around her as she sits, then putting down the safety railing  

He’s succumbed to the mixture of sedation and the heavy duty anti nausea meds, and with his head  turned towards the door, the facial injuries are hidden. No stitches -sixty altogether, thirty holding together the damaged muscle and tissue, the others closing the skin- or swelling, or bruising visible. A slight smile curves his lips; no furrows present across his brow, features bathed in the soft glow from the bedside monitor. It’s the first time in years she’s seen him this peaceful. Where he isn’t hampered  by the demons and the mistakes of the past; his brain unburdened and at rest. His body pain free. Breaths slow and even. Relaxed. Right arm resting across his stomach, left lying flat on the mattress. And that’s the hand she takes; holding tightly as the fingers of her other hand repeatedly drift along his forearm.

“She wanted me to tell you that she loves you. And she misses you. She left you a couple voicemails; I’ll play them for you when your phone charges. I don’t know what to tell her. To tell any of them. I’ve never had to give this kind of news. You’re so much better at this than I am. This whole parenting thing. You always have been. You’re a ten; I’m hovering somewhere  around...I don’t know...a six. Although you’d probably tell me I’m full of shit and that I’m being too hard on myself. I just wish I could talk to you about all of this. You’re way better at figuring this kind of stuff out than I am.”

She laces their fingers together,  thumb brushing against the side of his.  “And just so you know, I’m kind of pissed you had the nerve to wake up while I wasn’t here. I’ll try not to be offended that you woke up for another woman and not me.  Unless you’re just pretending to sleep; hoping that I’ll just shut and you leave you alone. Sorry buddy, you’re stuck with me. For about another fifty years.”

She lightly scrapes her fingernails along his forearm, watching his face for any sign of impending consciousness. “And speaking of being stuck with me, I went through your things and your wedding ring has mysteriously disappeared. No one has seen it. Not in the ER, not in the OR. So it looks like you’re finally going to have to upgrade. You’ve only been talking about that for HOW long? I know you hate change; I know you’ve got a connection to the first one. But it looks like you’re going to have to suck it up and get a new one. Or, I could just go ahead and pick one out for you and surprise you with it. Our anniversary in three months, you never know. Looks like you’re not going to be getting your normal gift, sorry. You’ll have to settle for something else.”

She had been surprised at how much it had hurt; realizing that the ring was in fact gone. She had searched  the bag of blood soaked clothes; rummaging through every pocket  in hopes that he’d either taken it off before going into the storage facility of someone else -maybe Koen or Rata on the way to the hospital-  had removed it and tucked it away.  She couldn’t imagine hospital staff NOT giving it to her. But just when she thought her heart possibly couldn’t break even more, it had.  And instead of tears, she’d felt anger. An all consuming rage towards Nathan. It was his fault, after all. He was the only one to blame for all of this; her husband’s battered and bloodied body,  the weeks and months and maybe even years of recovery that lay ahead of him,  the thousands of miles separating her and her children. Now the missing ring. There was only one  person  to blame for all of it. And while he was dead and that should be enough to give her a sense of comfort, satisfaction, and finality, it only made her even angrier.

She’d called home about it. Preferring to speak to Ovi or Nik or even Anil. Someone with at least an ounce of compassion in their bodies. Instead she’d been relegated to talking to Kyle. And while he’d listened to her long winded, rambling rage towards Nathan and the world in general, and her whining and complaining about the ring being lost,  he hadn’t been the most sympathetic when it came to  advice giving.

“It’s just a cheap piece of jewellery. Put on your big girl pants and get him a new one. No big deal. It’s your own fault you’re in this mess anyway. If you had just listened to all of us and left him a long time ago, you…”

She’d hung up. Not even giving him the chance to finish.

“I miss you,” she says, and issues a long, shaky sigh. “I know that sounds weird because you’re literally right here. But I do. I miss you. I miss you so much.  I miss how we sneak the good snacks after the kids go to bed; sit on the couch eating ice cream right out of the carton.  I miss how you tease me about being so short but never complain when I ask you to reach something at the bottom of the washing machine or on the top shelves in the kitchen.  And I miss those talks. You know the ones.  In the middle of the night AFTER we’ve done other things.   We’ve always had those talks; right from day one.  I can’t remember who started it, but do remember you complaining about how cuddly I was. It was a half assed complaint, mind you. I saw the smile on your face; you didn't mind it one bit.  And you were a pretty good cuddler for someone who said they hated it so much. Maybe you secretly liked it and you just had never found someone you WANTED to cuddle. I know, it’s not very bad ass mercenary; being a cuddler. I’ve always loved that about you. That you’re such a study in contradiction.  Everyone else only gets the one side of you; the mercenary side.  But you’ve always let me see all of you. Even seven years ago. After that first time, you never hid it from me. Who you really are. For some reason you never felt a reason to hide it from me. And I think that’s one of the things that made me fall in love with you as fast as I did. That you were so honest and real and you didn’t pretend to be someone you weren’t. You didn’t hide the fact that you were a mess. And you didn’t care that I was either.”

Esme   reaches out to move his hair off his forehead, then uses a fingertip to trace the scar that curves over the bridge of his nose.  “I really do miss you, Tyler. And I know it probably sounds stupid to you because you ARE alive and you ARE going to be fine, but I can’t help it. I’ve spent seven years with you. Being able to hear your voice  and your laugh whenever I want and seeing  you smile and that cute little frown and pout you get when you’re really focused on something.  Or when you’re trying so hard not to laugh when one of the kids drops the F bomb in the correct context. Remember that time in Telluride when we were in town and someone was texting and driving and turned into the crosswalk while you were walking with the twins? And TJ flipped him the bird and called him a stupid fucker? I wonder where he learned THAT from? You didn’t know whether to give him shit or be proud of him. I know you don’t think being adorable can go hand in hand with being a bad ass, but you manage somehow.”

She runs her knuckles along his jaw, then lowers her head to press a kiss to his forearm.  “I just need you to be okay,” she says, and struggles to hold back the tears.  “And I don’t want to hear any of your shit about how strong I am and I’m more than capable of doing this by myself; raising five kids.  And maybe I am. Maybe I could handle it. Maybe I could handle them and another one. But I don’t want to do this by myself.  That isn’t what I signed up for six and a half years ago. We’re supposed to do it together. And I’m not letting you back out on me. Ever. So I really need you to be okay.  Because I need you.  More than you realize. And probably more than I’ve ever let on. Why do it alone when you have someone so amazing to do it with? So you have to get better, okay? I need you to get better. Besides, you still owe me a trip. You have this really uncanny ability of getting out of taking me on trips, you know that?”

She releases her hold on his hand, then wraps both arms around his and lays her forehead in the crook of his elbow. Staying there for several minutes; eyes closed as she desperately holds back the flood of tears.  And she almost doesn’t feel it; that light brush of fingers against one of her arms.  Wondering if she actually just imagined it. Or perhaps his body had given an involuntary shiver or jerk; a known side effect from the meds.

“Don’t cry, baby.”  His voice is barely above a whisper.  Quiet and weak. But very much him.

She raises her head to look at him. And the tears that threaten now are ones of relief.   “Hey.”

“Hey.”

“So you WERE pretending to be asleep.”

“I was listening.”

“Always the strong, silent type.”

“Please don’t cry. I hate when you cry.”

“It’s happy tears, I promise.  Can you see me properly?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Well you’re pretty doped up. You could be seeing five of me for all I know.”

“Just one.”

“Out of both eyes or….?”

“Not so good out of the right. But yeah. Out of both.”

“I don’t think you’re really supposed to be awake right now.  The doctors sort of said you wouldn’t be for a while.”

“Fuck ‘em. I do what I want.”

Esme  grins, then pushes the chair away from the side of the bed and stands. “Yeah, you always do.”  She presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “How are you feeling?”

“Okay.”

“Are you in pain?”

“No. Just tired”

“Well you’ve had a hell of a day,” she reasons,  combing her fingers through his hair and resting her hand on the top of his head. “As happy as I am that you’re awake, you really need to go back to sleep. That’s what you need right now. Sleep.”

Tyler nods. “You okay?”

“I’m okay.”

“The baby?”

“The baby’s fine. You don’t need to worry about us. There’s a lot of people that are stepping up to take care of us. Time to worry about yourself for a bit. Just close your eyes, okay?”

“Cold.”

“You’re cold?”

He nods once more.

“I can go and find you another blanket. I can…”

“No,” he quickly objects. “Stay. Don’t go.”

“I won’t,” she promises. “I won’t go anywhere. I’m right here.”  She places a hand on the side of his face and presses a kiss to his temple. “I’m not leaving. I’m right here.”

“You’re warm.”

“It’s your sweater. I always steal them. They seem to keep me warmer than mine do. Here…” she shrugs out of the hoodie and gently lays it over him. “...that’ll help. You really need to sleep, Tyler.  That’s the only way you’re going to get better and get out of here. You need to close your eyes and get some rest, alright?”

“Alright.”

“I’ll be here when you wake up. However long that is.”

“Love you.”

“I love you, too.”  She presses a kiss to the bridge of his nose,  then rests her forehead against his. Eyes closed as her fingers continue to run through his hair.  It is soft and comforting. Soothing.  Quickly helping  him drift off once more.

[headachebrain]

The Shows that Raised Me

When Netflix US announced on July 29th that they were bringing Moesha, Sister, Sister, The Parkers, One on One, Half and Half, The Game and Girlfriends to the streaming platform over the next few months, I let out a gasp that made everyone in my office turn to look at me. I had tears in my eyes before I even watched the video that featured so many of the beloved actors from each show - older, a little grey, a little chubby happily announcing their shows would be streaming. Black Twitter lit up. Within minutes each show was trending, even ‘OKAY NETFLIX’ was trending, a stamp of approval from Black Twitter. Because finally. Finally the shows that raised all us older Black millennials were coming to streaming. Moesha, Sister, Sister, The Parkers, One on One, Half and Half, The Game and Girlfriends are from the UPN, the WB, golden age of Black TV. The late 90’s and early 2000’s was peak Black TV. We been had Black TV.

I was in middle school and high school at that time. I was a shy, sad kid who came straight home after school, did my homework and then went to our TV room, set up the VCR and settled in to watch my shows. I’d tape episodes then watch them over and over and over again. I’d stand up and act out scenes. I never thought a Black girl couldn’t lead a TV show. I truly believed that I could be an actress one day because girls that looked like me were doing it. Thanks to the UPN/WB era of Black sitcoms, I grew up seeing myself reflected in the media. When kids at school were mean or I felt lonely, I could pop in one of my VHS tapes and suddenly I wasn’t alone anymore. I was laughing. I was learning. I felt like I was part of something. They were my culture. They defined what being Black was to me. All I wanted was to go to an American university, pledge a Black sorority, have a fine ass Black boyfriend and live the dream. Now that I’ve grown up and none of that has happened, I am realizing how much those sitcoms impacted my life. 

The sitcoms taught me how to formulate a joke, structure a story. One of the first TV shows I wrote myself in to was Moesha, rewriting an episode changing Moesha’s brother to a sister that was me. At like twelve years old I sat in front of the TV basically transcribing dialogue in to my little notebook, then turning that dialogue in to a short story. Acting out scenes on my feet taught me how to pause at the punch line in a joke, which words to emphasize, even how to pull faces. I remember being at my grandma’s house just reciting lines from Black sitcoms in front of my grandma and my aunt, cracking them up, pretty much doing a stand up set. I learned that I loved making people laugh. I learned what made me laugh. I’d take lines from the shows and use them in my everyday life, making friends at school laugh. Even now, as a woman in her mid 30’s, I still find myself quoting lines from Moesha, Sister, Sister, One on One and The Parkers, making co-workers chuckle without them knowing I’m quoting twenty year old Black sitcoms. The best part is that the jokes hold up. Of course, the late 90’s/early 2000’s were a different time, there are homophobic, fatphobic, transphobic and sexist jokes that don’t fly today, but the lines that cracked me up when I was a teenager still make me laugh. 

Seeing young Black people on screen showed me that our stories were valuable. It wasn’t enough to get on my feet and act out my shows, I wanted to be in the shows and the only way to do that was write stories. 

I wrote stories putting myself in to situations that I wished desperately would happen to me when I got older, imagining beautiful Black boys wanted to date me, that I had a wonderful, loving group of girlfriends and an overprotective but supportive daddy. I was a kid that would sit in class and daydream, make up elaborate stories and scenarios. I’d craft my stories based on the shows, to this day I think I craft my stories based on these sitcoms. They taught me so much about life, about dating. I don’t date but to this day I can talk to women my age about dating because of what I learned at a young age from watching the WB and UPN. I watched Breanna and Arnez go from friends to more than friends on One on One. I watched Moesha deal with an overprotective (and looking back, problematic) daddy and date all different types of boys. The episode where Moesha got on the pill because she thought she wanted to have sex with her boyfriend was monumental for me. They even dedicated an entire episode of Teen Summit to it. I was the kid in grade nine who told a boy I had a huge crush on that he should use protection if he was gonna sleep with one of the popular girls. The episode of The Parkers about Malcolm X and Martin Luther King Jr. taught my teenage Black Canadian ass so much about both of them, while cracking me up at the same time. 

The major emotion I felt the day the Netflix news dropped (before I knew Netflix Canada wasn’t bringing the shows to our country, something I should have seen coming) was thankful. The WB/UPN merged in to the CW in 2006 and in the process they axed every Black show. And that was pretty much the end of Black sitcoms until recently. How lucky was I to grow up seeing Black girls that looked like me be cute, desired, be messy, make mistakes, get in to trouble, be loved, navigate adolescence and everything be wrapped up with a lesson and a laugh in 30 minutes? What a gift. 

I can’t wait to sit and revisit these classic shows that were so critical to me growing up. It’s exciting to think of a new generation discovering them. Maybe they can impact a 12 year old Black girl in 2020 like they did for me in 1998. 

[talesofealdancynedom]

Second edition of Cadence, in her fairy robes; with Fallow deer familiar Freya. Why have slice of life, when you could have slice of life with terrifying magical deer?

Tale 10: Cadence Bucflowen & Laserline (chapter 1 - Children of Spring 1/4 ) part 2. Stories of Fey

none

Cadence was the first prophesized child of the King Mage, who was presently Morgan Cynedom. Cadence had been born when her parents were, perhaps a little too young to start a family, yet she was anticipated and loved all the same. Morgan and Emilia were destined to have four children; Which they would love with all their hearts. There was to be one child for each quadrant of the table of fours. Because Morgan was the King Mage, he was like a human brother of the Beast King’s; and the metaphorical King of magic men. Thus, allotting him many unique abilities. One of which, was the Beast King’s considering it an honour to name their only human brother’s children.

When Cadence arrived, she was the child of spring; the first quadrant. Each quadrant had a colour, metal, direction, element, season, and two to three fey kingdoms accosted with it. One Fey King associated with the quadrant the child was born in, was able to give that child a new magic house. The fey say the King Mage has no house, and thus has all of them. His children would be the same if their magic is not properly housed; And humans need houses, blessing from a beast king, to use magic. The Beast King that had the honour of naming Cadence, was the Stag King, who gave her the magic stag house of Bucflowen. Along with a name, as a destined to be a mage, Cadence was given her own Fairy robes; in the stag kingdom style. All mages were given, or inherited, robes made by the Fairy King to protect them from any form of harm. Mages are too important to the balance between the veils, and fey saw them worth protecting.

A year before Cadence was born, Stag Queen Estella came to visit. She was once head paladin of the Grand West, and Morgan’s mentor. Estella was quite fond of Morgan, and visited. The reason she was no longer a mentor, was because Estella Celestine was destined to become the next Stag Queen. When Morgan opened Tiberius Gate, she went to it, and into the shadow veil and became reunited with her true love; The Stag King. It was with much joy, that when Estella came to visit that spring, she had the one and only newborn Dominion Deer by her side. An heir to the Stag Kingdom at last. The main job of the Beast Queens was to be the second parent of their kingdoms fey, represent the union of magic and men, and make royal fey children. The Daminion Deer are the royal half human-half magic children of the stag fey kingdom; something only Estella could provide. The Stag King was desperate for princes and princesses, as Dominion Deer had been whipped out within Estella’s lifetime. Wizards had been hunting them for their warm white fur, and ornate golden crystal antlers; which both genders wore. Just as hos heirs started to disappear from the Ealden Cynedom, his queen vanished. The reunion of the Stag King and Queen, aided by Morgan’s quests, gave him in a special place in Estella’s heart. Therefore, she still loved checking on him.

The day Estella visited Morgan and Emilia, a year before Cadence arrived, was a normal day: some school, some magic, some friends, and some daily life. Estella barely got a word in. She stayed patiently, holding her little stag prince, while the teens argued about their next quest. Eventually, Estella managed to relay the important information that was forgotten, due to the lengthy conversation. Morgan’s new life was full of excitement. Esttela’s words came off as something that seemed unnoteworthy at the time:

“In one year, I will bear the Stag King a second heir. Stag children do not leave their mother’s sides until the next child is born. But, when they go off on their own, they will still be quite young, though they grow quite fast,” Estalla said in her soft voice. the new prince Estella swaddled in her arms would need a home next spring. “The Stag King, my husband, requested that our eldest prince, Laserline, is to dwell on Tiberius Gate. Each King wants one royal heir by your side Morgan. I will bring him to your pastures, on the dawn of the next vernal equinox; when your first child is born.” Estella finished. Under normal circumstances, a magical heads up would be memorable; such as the fact your first born will arrive in a year, regardless of your family planning, and an incredibly valuable fey joining your forest home. Which is exactly why Morgan felt stupid when he found Laserline, a half-grown Dominion Deer, on his gate’s unicorn pasture, a year later. He wanted some fresh air after becoming a dad, but instead was reminded he was magic pawn. When the Stag King came to name Cadence, he failed to mention his own son was eating grass outside the tower. That day, Cadence wasn’t just given a name by the Stag King, but also a childhood fey friend just outside her window.

Cadence grew more beautiful with time. She had long wavy hair as pale as cream, olive eyes like her father, and her mother’s fair complexion. Cadence, as a mage, learned to use magic very early. Her passion was nurtured by her father’s vast collection of magic resources. She could soon run as fast as any fey, and had poise and grace like any stag king’s child. The fairy robes Cadence was gifted, were of a white silk dress, cloak, and flats that laced from the ankle to the knee. The protective robes glistened like pale spring. Under her soft appearance, Cadence was quiet and shy; a necessity when dealing with three younger siblings, and social anxiety. Before Cadence was of age for magic school, she had already summoned a white fallow deer familiar; named Freya. Of whom she would ride around their magic forest home of Pepperidge. Cadence was as talented as all the mages of Ealden Cynedom, and one of the most unmistakable children of the tinny town.

But like her siblings, Cadence was beginning to become lost in magic, and turning a bit feral among fey. Cadence was becoming incredibly weary of human children her age; if not all other people. She preferred the fey who did not judge her for good or bad. Cadence’s avoidance of people was not even eased by a public education. She had been raised on Tiberius Gate, where magic was her greatest comfort. But in spite of her feelings about being outside the gate, and meeting people, Cadence was excited to get her school uniform, and study magic at the same school as her parents. She desperately wanted to be a heortmann; magic users who specialize in healing. Cadence even dreamed she might be a healing Meadre mage, like her grandfather, Odysseus. As mentioned, Cadence was sent to the same local academy her parents attended, which by then, could teach and handle young mages. It didn’t only specialize in mages though; it also aimed to aid troubled magic youths and international students. If Pepperidge Academy couldn’t expose Cadence to people, and help her cope with anxiety around them, her parents feared nothing would.

When Cadence finally put on her uniform, for her first day at the new school, she decided to ride Freya to campus all on her own. The school wasn’t that far. But as she stood at the main entrance, a wave of anxiety struck her: ‘what if they hate me? Or I fall in love and do something stupid? What if I stand out, and they judge me because of my parents? What if I underperform in class, when they expect too much of me, as I am a mage? What if I get lonely because my siblings and fey friends aren’t here? What if no one understands? What if I don’t belong?’ Cadence became flustered and panicked. She was a deer in the headlights the entire day; frozen in fear. She didn’t even know how she managed to attended all her classes. Cadence didn’t remember anything about that day. Cadence spoke to no one, did not introduce her self, nor retain anything taught in the introduction lectures.

“how was your first day of magic school?” Her mother asked. Followed by her siblings asking the same thing on repeat. Cadence did not respond, and walked absently up the tower to her room.

“Morgan, you don’t think we may have pushed her too hard, do you?” Emilia asked. Morgan was preparing for a conference.

“If I survived magic school, when I was like that at that age, I’m sure she’ll be ok. One of our kids was bound to inherit my anxiety, and prefer the company of fey over that of people…” Morgan said with a nervous smile. He felt like was reliving a dark period in his life; vicariously through his offspring. Emilia and Morgan would independently check on Cadence later, when she didn’t come downstairs that evening. She had gone to bed early. Which is too say, and Morgan to correctly assume, she stayed up past midnight with unrelenting panic attacks, waiting for the relief of REM that would not come soon enough.

NEXT--->

[ft-dads-au]

The Loudest Silence

I Take Pride In What I Am 2020 Prompt: Quiet Pairing(s): Sting x Yukino (Unrequited), Human (Weisslogia x Female Skiadrum), Master Bob & Weisslogia, Weisslogia & Sting

A Collaboration by @mdelpin​ and @oryu404​

AO3 | FF.Net

Summary: “I really like you...as more than a best friend…” 

Yukino had been his best friend since...forever? Sting couldn’t even remember not being friends with her. She was a beautiful girl, smart, kind, and funny... 

There was just one problem. 

 “I love you, I really do, but I can’t love you like that.”

April 25, 2008

“Hey, Sting? Can I talk to you for a second?”

It was a beautiful day, but not even the warmth of the sun kissing his skin or the gentle sea breeze could lift Sting’s mood. He should be at the beach on a day like this, eating shaved ice and playing volleyball with his friends. Not moping in his backyard, twisting himself up in knots about what had happened with Yukino earlier that day.

“There’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you…”

Sting wasn’t oblivious. He’d noticed it a while ago, how Yukino was acting shy around him when she’d never done so before. And touchier. Reaching out to grab his hand or put hers on his shoulder too many times for him to ignore. Sometimes, when she was chatting with some of the other girls in their class, they’d all look his way and break out into giggles, and one of them would say something to her that made her blush, all flustered.

He’d been avoiding her for some time now, feeling guilty every time he saw the sad look on her face when he all but ran back home right after school, with some lame excuse like having too much homework. That guilt was only outweighed by the hope that she’d back down, but the very scenario Sting had been so afraid of had finally played out that day.

“I really like you...as more than a best friend…”

Yukino had been his best friend since...forever? Sting couldn’t even remember not being friends with her. She was a beautiful girl, smart, kind, and funny...

There was just one problem.

“I love you, I really do, but I can’t love you like that.”

Sting didn’t like girls. He’d much rather join them as they giggled and batted their lashes at cute boys.

As a kid, he’d always been drawn to guys he’d see in movies, video clips, or magazines, but it wasn’t until reaching his teens that he’d finally recognized it for what it was. The swimmers, surfers, and runners he’d see at the beach... Sting could watch them all day, and as soon as he realized that was precisely what he was doing most of the time, it was kind of impossible to deny the attraction he felt.

To himself, at least. He hadn’t been ready to admit that to anyone else yet, but Yukino’s confession had put him on the spot. As he’d watched her gather all her courage to express her feelings, a spark of hope shimmering in her eyes, he’d decided she deserved better than to be strung along. She deserved to know the truth, even if it broke his heart to tell her.

And just as he’d feared, she didn’t take it well. The hope in her eyes was replaced by the gloss of tears, and she’d left without saying another word.

“I’m sorry, Yuki…”

Sting rolled over on the grass, dropping the comic book he’d been trying to read in the hopes of distracting his thoughts, letting his eyes follow the white wisps of clouds that were slowly drifting through the sky above him. What would happen next? Would she tell her parents and sister? Their other friends? Classmates? How would they respond? And more importantly, would this mean the end of his friendship with Yukino? Sting was having a hard time imagining his life without her as his friend, they always did just about everything together.

“It’s way too hot to be racking your brain like that,” his dad’s chuckle suddenly sounded, snapping him out of his thoughts. He sat down next to Sting on the grass, shielding his face from the bright sunlight with one of his hands. “What’s bothering you, son? Anything I can help you with?”

Sting sighed, sitting up and facing his father. As nervous as he was about coming out for the second time that day, he could really use someone to talk to. Carrying this secret was wearing him down, he’d always been a terrible liar, and he just wanted to stop hiding. His parents were usually patient and understanding with him...Surely he could tell them this, right?

“Yukino has a crush on me,” he mumbled, picking a few blades of grass and rolling them between his fingers absently.

“Oh? Well, if you want advice on how to woo a girl, I’m not your guy,” Weiss chuckled, “At least, that’s what I’ve been told. But I can tell you this: as long as you just be yourself-”

“Dad, stop,” Sting cut in, “I don’t like her that way, and I wanted to tell her that without hurting her feelings.” He rubbed at his face in exasperation, “Besides, I tried being myself, and it didn’t go well at all. She might not want to be my friend anymore...”

“I’m sure you’re overreacting. You two have been friends for years, what makes you think she’d throw that away?” his father asked, offering a reassuring smile that crushed Sting under its weight, making him feel terrible about not being the son he was thought to be. There was also a hint of worry reflected in the slight furrow on Weiss’ brow as he waited for Sting to explain what was troubling him.

“It’s because I’m-” Sting hesitated, fighting an inner war between the part of him that longed to be free from the constant feeling of deception, and the part that just wanted to live up to everyone’s expectations. He could still chicken out if he wanted to, find some half-assed excuse for his words and behavior so he could stall for a little longer, but the truth would have to come out eventually. Besides, if Yukino ended up spreading the word, it would reach his parents sooner rather than later anyway. He’d prefer his dad hear it from him.

“I’m gay,” he admitted in a deep exhale, and just saying it out loud lifted such a huge burden from his shoulders already. He finally found the courage to look his father in the eyes, seeking his reaction, desperately hoping for the kind of understanding he was used to from him.

But it wasn’t there. Nothing was there. Instead, his dad was unusually silent. His expression was blank, as if he was looking right through Sting. Like he wasn’t even there.

“Oh.”

Oh? That was it? He’d just poured out his heart, and all he got in return was an Oh?

“Ugh, never mind,” Sting got up, suddenly feeling everything and nothing at the same time. A disappointment so vast it left a big empty hole that numbed him. “I’m outta here.”

Deep down, he was still holding on to the hope that his dad would stop him and call him back so they could talk about it, but Weisslogia remained quiet. He just let him stomp off without as much as uttering a single word, right when Sting needed him more than ever.

Resisting the urge to wait or look back, Sting rushed through the sliding door, passing the kitchen, where his mom was busy prepping food. For once, he wasn’t hungry.

“Now, now, why the hurry?” his mother called out, trying to soothe as always— a bright smile on her lips meant to lift his spirits managing to accomplish the very opposite.

He’d never felt so lonely before. Two of the people closest to him had let him down already, and he asked himself why she would be any different. He ignored her, simply because he couldn’t handle one more.

0-0

“What happened?” was the first thing to come out of his wife when Weisslogia stepped into the kitchen, the start of a rambling that interrupted all the thoughts he still hadn’t sorted yet.

“He already seemed off today, but then he just stormed off with a face like thunder and slammed all the doors in his path. I tried to talk to him, but he won’t say a word, doesn’t even want to come out of his room…” Skiadrum abandoned the fruits she’d been cutting, covering them with mesh food protectors to keep the bugs away, and sat down on one of the bar stools at the island counter, waiting for Weiss to give her an explanation. She was worried, and he couldn’t really blame her for that.

No matter how upset he was, Sting was never unresponsive. If anything, he’d come straight to them if something was bothering him, and could easily talk their ears off about it to help him process his emotions. Knowing that, Weiss felt awful about how their conversation, or lack thereof, had gone.

“It’s my fault,” he sighed as he sat across from Skia, running a hand through his hair. “He came to me with...something, and I wasn’t much of a help.”

“Something? Nothing too serious, I hope?”

“Well…” Weiss hesitated, unsure if he’d make things worse by telling her what he knew about their son without asking him first. But he wanted to soothe his wife’s worries and fix his mistake, and he couldn’t do that without Skia’s help. He was way out of his depth.

“Well?” she repeated, impatiently waiting for him to answer her questions.

“Well, Sting just told me that he’s homosexual.”

The frown of concern immediately fell off Skiadrum’s face, making way for a deadpan expression. “Don’t tell me you didn’t see that coming,” she said, the tone of her voice indicating that she already knew the truth.

“Wait, you knew?” Weiss asked her, perking up from his slumped position in surprise.

“Oh, come on! I’ve suspected it since he was 7! Remember that day when we spent half a day shopping with him for a winter coat? And ended up buying one from the girls’ department because he insisted all the boys’ ones had boring colors?”

He’d probably never forget that day. They’d been to every single clothing store in town, had thanked all the helpful staff members who had cheerfully tried to coax their son into liking one of the available options, but Sting was immune to even the best of sales pitches. ‘Nope, I hate it,’ he’d said, carrying an attitude that was so hilarious for a kid his age it made Weiss’ tired feet worthwhile.

“I figured he just liked brighter colors,” Weiss mumbled, shrugging his shoulders, “and he always kind of went his own way. Headstrong, just like his mother,” he tried to tease, but he lacked the spirit for it.

“That could’ve been the case, but there have been other signs pointing in this direction,” Skia argued, “and adding them all up, it just made sense to me.”

Signs? Weiss wasn’t sure what exactly she meant. He’d never reached that conclusion and the fact that his wife had made him feel even worse.

He knew he was oblivious to many things, but this was their child they were talking about—his son. And Weiss had always assumed he knew him through and through. Apparently, he’d been wrong. He wasn’t the attentive father he’d hoped to be.

“Why did you never mention it?” he sulked, wishing he’d gotten a heads up so he wouldn’t have been tongue-tied at the admission.

Noticing his dismay, Skiadrum got up to pour them both a glass of wine. “Because I could just as well have been wrong, and even if I wasn’t, it was still up to him to decide when he was ready to talk to us about it.”

“Why don’t you tell me what happened?” she asked once she’d sat back down again and had a sip of wine, ��Did your conversation go that badly?”

“There, uh...there wasn’t much of a conversation,” Weiss admitted guiltily, “I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t really say anything.”

Skiadrum almost choked in her wine.

“Oh my God, Weiss, really?!” she bleated, hiding her face in her hand, “Of course he’d take off at that, he must be thinking you’re rejecting him!”

“I’m not,” Weiss quickly assured, but as he tried to put himself in Sting’s shoes, he realized that was exactly what it must have looked like. “Oh, crap...I really messed up.”

“No, you haven’t-” Skia reached across the table to take her hand in his and chuckled, “Okay, maybe a little, but we all make mistakes. If I’d told you about my suspicions, this might not have happened, so I’m at fault here too. Now, let’s clear it up together, shall we?” She smiled at him and squeezed his hand, “You go talk to him, I’ll get started on a peace offering.”

She got up again, taking her wine glass with her as she moved to the counter and made room for the mixing bowl.

Weisslogia nodded absently, absorbed in his own thoughts. He had to admit, now that his wife had mentioned it, he was starting to see some of Sting’s quirks in a new light.

He was still letting the news sink in, trying once again to think about what he wanted to say, what he was supposed to say. But his mind was caught up in events that had happened long ago and knowing what he did, he couldn’t help but be scared for his son. And with that thought in mind, he decided to call the one person he knew who could help him.

0-0

“You did WHAT?” Bob yelled at Weiss through the phone, outraged at what he’d just been told, “Weisslogia Eucliffe, you utter simpleton!”

“I know, I know…” Weiss agreed, “and I’m working on it, okay? I just- I don’t know this stuff, and I really need your help.”

“Pfft, obviously,” his long time friend scoffed, “This stuff...Oh, that poor kid.”

“Not helping…” Weiss reminded him through gritted teeth, forcing a smile onto his face even though he knew Bob couldn’t see him, but he hoped it would help him remain somewhat positive. “Look, I just want to be a good dad, but I’m way out of my league here. I’m guessing he has questions, and I don’t know how to answer them. I’ll have to give him the talk again, don’t I? Where do I even begin? And what if someone-?”

“Pipe down,” Bob interrupted with a sigh, and it was then Weiss realized he’d been pacing through his study, almost pulling the old, corded phone off the desk. “Seriously, grab that pipe of yours and calm down. I’m getting stressed just from listening to you.”

He took that advice, even though he usually never smoked inside the house, opening a window and hoping the smell wouldn’t linger for too long.

“Okay,” Bob began, “First of all, I think it’s great that you want to be there for your son to answer his questions and give him the bees and the bees talk and all, but do you really think he’s lining up for that?”

“The bees and the bees?” Weiss puzzled for a moment until he understood what Bob meant, “Oh! I get it!”

“God, if you were any slower, you’d be going backward. Anyway, the point is, I know you want to protect him, but that really isn’t what he needs from you right now. All he really needs is for you to tell him that you’re proud of him and that you love him. Can’t be too hard, right?”

Bob’s words hit Weiss hard, leaving him speechless for the second time that day. The difference was that this time, he knew exactly what to say, what he should have said in the first place, and it broke him to realize that he hadn’t. He’d been so focused on the details that he’d lost sight over what was most important.

“You’re right. I screwed up, Bob,” he said miserably, “I let my boy down, what kind of a father am I?”

“This isn’t the time for that, Weiss. You weren’t expecting it. It happens, nothing is lost yet,” Bob assured him, “Trust me, you’re already doing better than a lot of other parents out there just by making an effort. Kids get thrown out of their houses for this or receive far worse responses than complete silence. God, the shit my dad said to me…”

“Oh God, I’m sorry,” Weiss immediately replied, remembering some of the things that Bob had shared with him about his earlier life.

“Water under the bridge, love,” Bob dismissed his apology, “You were the first person to accept me just the way I was, Weisslogia. You can do this. You’re going to march right into his room and put him out of his misery. Meanwhile, I will email you all the resources we use at the center so that you can be ready when he does ask questions. How does that sound?”

“Thanks,” Weiss smiled weakly into the phone, thinking it was a shame that Bob had moved back to Magnolia. He missed having him around as a friend. They had been through so much together during the time they’d lived together as roommates, first in med school and later when Bob had spent a few years in Edolas.

He could still remember all the terrible reactions Bob had gotten just for being proud of who he was and being unafraid to show it. He’d endured everything from name-calling, discrimination, and threats, to actual physical abuse. The latter was still freshly engraved on Weiss’ retinas like it happened only yesterday instead of decades ago, and the mere thought of something like that happening to Sting was enough to send his protective instincts into overdrive.

“Weiss?” Bob’s voice had turned somber, and Weisslogia instinctively tensed up. “I know where your mind is going, but… it was a different time. Our situations are different, okay? He’s going to be just fine.”

“Okay,” Weiss managed, he didn’t fully believe it, but his friend’s words did give him some comfort. “Thanks again, you’re the best.”

“Any time, dear,” Bob chirped, “Let me know how it went, and give Skia a big hug from me.”

They ended the call, and Weiss put out his pipe, feeling better now that he’d talked to Bob and got the reality check he’d needed.

He took a deep breath as he left the study and made his way upstairs, smiling at the sweet smell coming from the kitchen.

0-0

Sting’s room was a mess. There were clothes scattered all over the floor, ripped out of the closet as he’d picked out the ones to shove in a bag under the sound of loud music. Sting knew that the incident between him and his dad wasn’t over just yet, but he wanted to be ready to get the hell out if worse came to worst. He’d heard about parents having bad reactions before, but he had never expected that from his own family and best friend. He just assumed the worst, not knowing what to expect anymore.

As he took down the fairy lights that were hanging on the wall right next to his bed, his attention was gripped by the pictures he’d hung up just below them. Pictures of places he loved to visit, like the beach or the zoo. Pictures of him with Yukino and with his parents. He took one of them down, carefully removing the thumbtack and pushing it back into the wallpaper while he studied it up close.

It was a picture of Sting and his parents that one of the nurses at the clinic had taken last year. Sting was wearing his dad’s white coat and name tag for a class presentation. It looked kind of silly, as it was a few sizes too large on him, and they’d stuck with that theme by making funny faces at the camera—a happy family like they’d always been.

Pfft, yeah, right. What a joke!

Sting gazed at it, still remembering how he’d felt that day, so eager to fill his father’s shoes. His father was someone he’d always looked up to. He worked hard and had made a difference in so many people’s lives over the years, running the clinic, where everyone was treated equally regardless of how much money they made or what job they held.

Apparently, he didn’t view everyone as equally as Sting had thought.

Not able to contain his frustration, he moved over to his nightstand to grab some of his comic books. There were several he hadn’t gotten around to reading, and he wasn’t about to leave them behind. Once he’d scanned them all and picked his favorites, he turned around to put them in his already stuffed bag and nearly jumped out of his skin when he noticed his dad standing in the doorway, staring at him in dismay.

“Can we talk?”

“Oh, so now you want to talk?” Sting chided, struggling to close the zipper of his bag, “Okay, sure. Whatever you have to say, just say it.”

His dad sighed, the sound inaudible over the out-of-place pop tunes but visible through his body language, “You surprised me, that’s all.”

“I surprised you?” Sting slung the words back, “How do you think I feel?”

Outraged by his father’s words, Sting couldn’t keep still, his body thrumming with nervous energy. He began taking a few items out of the bag, throwing them aside to make room for different ones.

“Can you please turn that down so we can talk?”

When Sting ignored his request, his father went ahead and turned off the music himself. “There, that’s better. It’s a hot day, isn’t it?” he pointed out, “Why don’t we sit outside for a while?”

He opened the door that led out to the balcony they shared and walked out, leaving the door open for Sting to follow.

Sting took one last look around his room, trying to decide what to do. His dad was acting oddly calm, which allowed a voice in the back of his head to suggest it might not be so bad. Still, its negative counterpart immediately reminded him that he hadn’t made any attempt whatsoever to stop him from packing his stuff either.

He’s just gonna let you leave, just like he let you walk away before, it taunted, and Sting had never felt so worthless.

Despite his fears, he went outside, his eyes glued to the ground because he knew it would only take one glance at his father’s face for him to break.

“Have I ever told you that your mother and I thought we’d never be able to have children?” his dad spoke the moment Sting stepped out on the balcony. “We’d been trying for years, and when it finally happened, your mom had a miscarriage that almost took her life. After that, we’d decided not to try anymore. But then, when we weren’t expecting it, you came along.”

He came closer, putting both his hands on Sting’s shoulders, “Hey, look at me.”

Sting obeyed hesitantly, noticing to his great surprise that his dad was smiling at him, the way he did so often. A proud smile that was both everything Sting wanted to see and unbearable to look at at the same time.

“You are the best thing that’s happened to us, and nothing will ever change that,” he said, hugging Sting close to his chest. “I’m so sorry for not having the words to tell you that right away.”

Sting’s doubts melted away as he felt the warmth of his father’s arms wrapped around him, and the reassurance of kisses pressed into his hair. He’d so sworn to himself that he wasn’t going to cry, damn it, he wasn’t a little kid anymore. But in that moment of overwhelming relief, he felt five years old all over again.

“You smell of pipe,” he accused as he sniffled, burying his face into his dad’s shirt anyway, squeezing him so hard it made his old man chuckle.

“It was prescribed this time,” his father replied innocently.

“I’m sure,” Sting nodded, unsure whether he should be convinced.

“So, are we okay, or…?” Weisslogia asked, pulling away to look him in the eyes again.

He considered the question.

Were they okay?

Sting thought about how discouraged he’d felt just a few short minutes ago when he’d thought that everyone he loved was now against him. Now that he realized that wasn’t the case, he felt kind of bad for having so little trust in his dad, and for all the bad thoughts his anger and fear had fed him.

“Yeah, I- uhm, I guess I may have overreacted a little? You know, with the whole packing my bag thing…”

“No, it’s understandable. I can only imagine how scary it must’ve been for you to tell me, and when I should’ve been there to take those fears away, I only made them worse. Definitely not my proudest moment as a parent,” Weisslogia remarked. “But I need you to know that I’m thankful you’ve told me and that you can always ask or tell me anything. I may not have all the answers, but I’ll do my best to be there for you whenever you need me.”

After a brief moment of contemplation, Sting shrugged his shoulders. “Consider yourself forgiven,” he smirked, trying to joke it off, but he quickly dropped the act.

“Thanks, dad. That means a lot to me.”

“It means a lot to me too,” his dad smiled again, giving him another quick hug.

“I should talk to mom, huh?” Sting figured, remembering how he’d shut her out earlier when she’d tried talking to him.

“Only if you want to,” his father assured him, “but I have a feeling she will take it much better than you think,” and knowing his parents too well, Sting guessed that this feeling his dad was speaking of was probably more than just that.

It didn’t matter. Sting took his word for it, which made him a lot less nervous when they went back inside. His suspicions were confirmed when they came down the stairs and were greeted with the smell of something sweet and familiar. His mother would often bake a treat of sorts when he was upset, and it seemed like today was no exception.

“Hey, mom? There’s something I want to tell you,” he called out to her, taking the stairs two steps at a time, feeling more confident knowing that his dad was right behind him.

“Yeah?” she answered once they’d reached the kitchen, and sure enough, there was a plate full of cupcakes waiting for them on the island counter. She was just finishing topping off the last one with white frosting.

“I hope it won’t melt, they’re still a bit warm,” she mumbled to herself before turning her attention to Sting, “but they’re not quite done yet, something is missing…”

She rummaged through one of her cabinets, one that was perhaps even messier than Sting’s room was at the moment. Sting shared a look of wordless astonishment with his dad at how she was even able to find stuff in there, but it didn’t take long for her to return to the plate.

One by one, she decorated the cupcakes with a generous amount of rainbow sprinkles and smiled at the end result.

“That’s so much better,” she winked at Sting, “I think they’re perfect like this, don’t you?”

Sting could feel himself getting emotional again at her words, and he ran around the kitchen island to wrap his mother in a hug. “Thank you,” he managed to get the words out before bursting into tears.

“It’s nothing to cry about silly, this is a happy occasion,” he could hear the smile in her voice and feel the warmth of her body, and it struck him how lucky he was to have her as his mother. He hugged her even tighter, remembering what his father had said about her having almost died before he was born until she gently pushed him away to get a look at his face.

“I know,” he sniffled, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, “It’s just been a rough day.”

“Well, why don’t we sit down and have some cupcakes, you can tell me all about it.”

He nodded, already grabbing a cupcake and shoving the whole thing in his mouth before finding his way to one of the stools on the other side of the island. He hoped his mom could help him figure out what to do about Yukino because as relieved as he felt at the moment, he knew there was still an uncomfortable conversation in his future.

His mother waited patiently, watching him eat cupcake after cupcake, for once not even scolding him for his lack of table manners even though he could feel the stickiness of the frosting on his face.

He was getting ready to explain his predicament when the doorbell rang. His mother handed him a napkin with a smile and got up to answer it.

“I’ll get it, it’s probably one of the neighbors or something, I’ll be right back.”

Sting watched his mother walk away from the kitchen towards their foyer, grabbing another cupcake from the tray as he waited for her return.

“You feeling better?” his father asked, and Sting had to laugh when he noticed his father’s face was also covered in frosting.

“Yeah,” he admitted, after handing him a napkin of his own, “I just wish -”

“Yukino!” Sting heard his mother’s cheerful voice and tensed up once again, “You didn’t have to ring the doorbell, sweetie, you know you’re always welcome to come in from the yard!”

The sound of their steps echoed on the tiled floor, and Sting felt the cupcakes he’d already eaten settle in his stomach like a lead weight. Even though his mom was acting as if everything were normal, she had to have noticed that Yukino’s eyes were puffy, and her cheeks were blotchy from crying.

Not that Sting looked any better at the moment.

“Sting, look who’s here!”

His father saved him from responding, “Yukino! It’s been a while, how are you, dear?”

“Just fine, Dr. Eucliffe, thank you,” she attempted to smile, “Is it okay if I borrow Sting for a few minutes?”

Sting could feel the combined weight of both his parent’s glances, but it was his father who answered. “Of course.”

Just as he was getting up from the stool, he felt his father’s hand grab his and squeeze tightly as he mouthed the words Just be yourself at him. He gave a small nod in return and led the way outside through the sliding door.

“Do you wanna...sit here?” he gestured towards the bench swing where they had often whiled away entire afternoons, feeling kind of awkward and unsure what to say.

“Okay,” Yukino’s voice was quiet, and her movements were stiff as she sat down. Sting sat next to her rocking the swing slowly to give his antsy legs something to do.

They sat like this for several moments, neither saying a word, and Sting came to the conclusion that she had come to break off their friendship. The way she had rung the doorbell instead of coming in like she always did, how she wouldn’t even look at him.

It hurt, but he decided to be the bigger person.

“Sting, I-”

“It’s okay-”

Sting stopped talking and gestured to her to continue.

“I, uhm, I wanted to say I was sorry for running off on you like that,” Yukino’s voice quavered, and when she finally looked at him he was shocked to see the sadness clouding her usually sunny features,” You’re probably pretty mad at me, huh?”

“Mad?” Sting’s head jerked in confusion, “No, of course not. I was just scared that you’d hate me and wouldn’t want to be friends anymore.”

“No, of course I want to be friends, the best of friends. I just-” Yukino sighed, “I was embarrassed and a little hurt and confused.”

“It was probably dumb of me to think that-” she began, and once again, Sting could hear the tremble in her voice. It made him feel terrible for making her feel that way, but he also knew he couldn’t have avoided the situation for much longer.

She took a deep breath, but it didn’t seem to help much. “Sorano said I was being silly, that this way I could have you forever and we could talk about boys and go shopping and-”

She wasn’t able to continue, as the tears that she had been trying to contain refused to stay hidden any longer.

Sting tapped her on her shoulder, and when she finally peered at him, he held out his arms in silent invitation. Yukino hesitated for a moment before accepting his embrace.

“You’re not silly, it’s not like you can choose who you like or anything…” Sting talked while letting her cry out her feelings in his arms. He sighed before apologizing, not for who he was, but for how he had inadvertently made her feel. “I’m sorry, I never meant to hurt you.”

“Yeah, Sorano said that too,” she sniffled, moving away to begin the interrogation he’d been expecting, “How long have you known?”

Sting averted his eyes and kept them fixed on the flowers in his mother’s garden, “About two years, I guess…”

“Oh. That’s a long time,” Yukino replied, and Sting could hear it, the hurt in her voice, intensifying the guilt he’d already felt over the way he’d handled this.

“You could have told me,” she chided, “I’m your best friend, and I didn’t even have a clue.”

“No, I couldn’t,” Sting snapped, frustrated that she still didn’t seem to get it, “especially not with the way you were acting.”

“I’m sorry,” he sighed, immediately regretting his outburst, “that was uncalled for. It’s just… none of this is easy for me. I’ve heard the way people talk at school about this stuff, what was I supposed to do?”

“You don’t need to apologize, you’re right, I was out of line,” she replied, holding his gaze evenly.

“I did want to tell you,” Sting ran his fingers through his hair, thinking of all the times he’d considered the idea, but something always made him hold back, and then she’d developed a crush on him. “But I- I was nervous about how you’d react, and I had no idea how or when to bring it up.”

Yukino nodded before looking down at her hands which were clasped on her lap, “It just all feels so strange, we used to tell each other everything, and I don’t want that to change.”

“Neither do I,” Sting shook his head, “No more secrets?” He held out his hand with only his pinky extended, breathing a sigh of relief when Yukino met it with hers right away.

“No more secrets.”

“So...are we good?” Sting still felt a little unsure until she flashed him one of her smiles. It wasn’t as vibrant as always, but he could glimpse a ghost of her usual smile lurking underneath, and he knew then that they were going to be okay.

“Yeah, we’re good,” she assured him.

“Thank God, I couldn’t think of anyone else I’d rather spend a lifetime of talking about boys and going shopping with.”

“Good,” Yukino managed a giggle,” cause you seriously need some fashion help.”

“You know what?” Sting examined the clothes he was wearing, wrinkling his nose at how plain they felt. When he was still younger, he hadn’t given a damn about what anyone thought of his fashion choices, and he’d love to get that back after hiding for so long.

“You’re totally right. Half the contents of my closet are already on the floor, I might as well throw some stuff out and get a new wardrobe,” he decided.

Yukino rolled her eyes and teased, “How is that any different from how your room normally looks?”

“Shots fired.”

Yukino laughed as she swatted away Sting’s finger guns. The sliding door opened, and they turned to see his parents bringing out plates of food.

“Everything okay, you two?”

Sting smiled at his parents, “Yeah, everything’s just fine.”

And for the first time that day, he actually believed it.

[aliceslantern]

Give/Take, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic, chapter 10

Ienzo has been too busy since the war to be overwhelmed by the past. But with little progress to be made in his work with Kairi, old nightmares start to invade.

Riku is a glorified housesitter. Lonely and faced with no choice but to wait for a way to find his friends, he eagerly accepts when Ienzo asks him to help do repairs around the castle. Before long, the two strike up an unlikely friendship, united by their dark pasts and their attempts to be better people.

But just as they begin to consider something more... Kairi wakes up.

Ienzoku (Ienzo/Riku), post-Melody of Memory, slow burn. Updates Thursdays until it's done.

Chapter summary:  Ienzo arrives in Destiny Islands, and experiences quite a bit of culture shock.

Read it on FF.net/on AO3

---

It was raining in Radiant Garden when Riku arrived. He very nearly had trouble with visibility and the ship skidded a little when he touched down. He swore.

He'd offered his friends the opportunity to come along, on the one hand trying to get Sora interested in something, but he just said to "enjoy time with your boyfriend" with an eyebrow waggle.

He and Kairi had both been merciless, teasing him about it. Neither seemed that concerned he was dating someone who used to be Zexion. They both said Ienzo was a great guy. "Dating." They hadn't been on a date; he could fix that. They hadn't also called it that in so many words. Ienzo had, in his letter.

Riku's heart was racing. He checked himself one last time, making sure his hair looked alright in its ponytail.

Ienzo was waiting under an outcropping, a small duffle next to him. Riku dashed out of the rain as quickly as he could. “Beautiful day, isn’t it,” he said to Riku, and Riku noted that the subtleties of his tone had not carried over to the letters.

“Just perfect,” he said, feeling at a bit of loss for words. He was here, he could touch him.

There was a beat, a moment. Ienzo cleared his throat a little. “I’m not a mirage,” he said.

Riku chuckled. “Right.”

A bit awkwardly, Ienzo pulled him close. Riku got the notion that he didn’t hug much, and it probably didn’t feel natural to initiate. But it felt good, too good, to hold him, to breathe in his smell. He didn’t want to pull away, not yet. “It feels like ages, and yet an instant,” Ienzo said. “Let me look at you.” He pulled away and brushed his fingers across Riku’s cheek. “Your hair grows preternaturally fast.”

“Tell me about it,” he said. Riku realized for the first time that he was, in fact, now slightly taller than Ienzo.

Ienzo just stared at him as though he might disappear. Riku wondered if this time had been lonely, or difficult, for him. Ienzo cleared his throat a little. “Enough of the longing gazes for now, I think.”

“Right. Ah. But first.” He kissed him, and for a second they melted against each other. It felt exactly like Riku remembered. “Not sure I could’ve flown straight if I didn’t do that.”

“Well if it’s all in the guise of safety,” Ienzo said. “Do you need anything before we leave? Are you hungry?”

“I brought snacks,” he said. “Let me get your--” He picked up the bag.

“What a gentleman.”

They walked quickly through the rain back into the ship. “As many times as I’ve seen the inside of this on a video, I’ve never actually seen it,” Ienzo said. “It’s quite a lot smaller than I thought.”

“Yeah, no idea how the three of them managed,” Riku said. “You should see the size of the bunk rooms. But Sora’s a half-pint. You want to nose around a moment, go for it.”

“...I think I shall.”

Riku watched him poke around, looking into the tiny rooms, almost hitting his head on the door frames. His eyes were alight with curiosity. “These are so small,” he said.

“Sora always said they tried to avoid sleeping in it if they could.”

“I don’t blame them.” He turned back. “Well. Thanks for that. Should I just--”

“Sit wherever,” he said. “You only really need the straps for takeoff. It’s really safe.”

“...Quite.” He sat to Riku’s right and did up his harness. “Here we go, then.”

He smirked. “You nervous?”

“No,” he said. “But consider I’ve never much been off the ground.”

“It’s okay. I won’t kill us.”

“How reassuring.”

The takeoffs and the landings were always Riku’s favorite part, partially because it required the most input from him. Seeing the worlds disappear beneath him, and feeling the g-forces, was always a bit of a thrill. He tried to do so as gently as possible, keenly aware that as a first time flyer part of Ienzo’s calm was staged. He had his hands clenched very tightly in his lap. But once they were actually in the quiet of space, this seemed to disappear. “Is that really it?” Ienzo asked softly, gazing down at the world.

“Cool, isn’t it?”

“This is bizarre. It’s so… small.” He pressed his hand gently against the windshield. “Huh.”

Riku let him have the moment. “You’ll see more as we go along,” he said. “But it’s mostly a lot of rubble.”

“From the Fracture, I’m sure.”

“Could be.” He turned away and set the course. “We’ve got a good few hours before we get there.”

Ienzo undid the straps and settled more comfortably. “Is it very hard, to fly?”

Riku laughed. “No,” he said, and to demonstrate he lifted his hands from the controls, seeing Ienzo pale. “Aside from takeoffs and landings it pretty much flies itself. All of the positioning gummies. You wanna try?”

Riku could see him debating it. “Maybe on the way back.”

“All I have to do is keep an eye on the radar. If we’re lucky we might see some Heartless ships, but they’re generally getting rarer and rarer.”

“Do you fight them?”

“Yeah. There’s lasers, and a shield, the whole nine. Sora has it tricked out pretty good. Most of them are weak, anyway.”

Ienzo leaned over a little more to see the dash.

“There are other ways to travel around, but this is the most comfortable,” Riku said. “Using the lanes between… it’s like a motorcycle versus a car.”

“I’m going to pretend I’ve experienced either of those things.”

Riku chuckled. “Right. Well, you’ll see some of that on DI.”

He was quiet for a moment. “This is one of the first times I’ve physically travelled anywhere,” he said. “Whenever I… went to other worlds, I just… used a dark corridor. All it took was a few steps.”

“Do you miss it?”

“Travelling? Yes. Darkness? No. Always a stink that’s hard to get rid of.” He wrinkled his nose. “I haven’t been anywhere since I’m human again. ...And that’s nearly two years.”

“...I can’t exactly say the same.”

They chatted for a while longer, about nothing much, mostly about Riku’s new life back home. He was more excited than he thought to show Ienzo around, to give him a taste of normalcy as well. “Though it’s going to be a whole lot hotter than you’re used to,” he said. “Like, don’t be shy to tell me it’s too much. We can go back into the AC.”

Ienzo laughed. “It’s a good thing I like you.”

Riku felt his face flush. He tried to come up with something witty to say quickly. “...You said you had to tell your friends something to leave.”

“Yes. Well.” Ienzo leaned back and crossed his legs. “In their minds, one must always have a reason to go somewhere. Leisure isn’t exactly in their codebook. I said I wanted to check in with Sora and Kairi, make sure everything was alright, learn what I could about your journey. Ansem already knew, and asked if I would be visiting you, too. It was only a hop-skip-and-jump before the others figured it out. It… shocked them that I’d even wanted to pursue a relationship of any kind.”

“Why? You’re grown up.”

“To a degree they’re used to who I was , not who I am.”

Riku frowned and checked the radar. “I know how that is.”

Ienzo smiled. “I know you do. Does it bother you that I said something?”

“No. Not at all. Sora and Kairi have been teasing me about it. They think it’s hilarious. I’ve never really… shown that I had a crush on someone.”

“You have a crush on me? How sweet.”

“I’ve literally kissed you.”

The rest of the flight went smoothly, and Riku saw the familiar blue sphere emerge. “Ah, there it is,” he said. “Look.”

“How pretty.” He was already strapping himself in.

“We’re landing down on the play island. It’s basically the only inconspicuous place I can keep this thing. But it’s not far from there. And we’re a good few hours ahead of you for time, I think.”

“I see.”

His friends had helped him build the makeshift landing pad. The earth of it was different than the rest of the island, and they were on the far side where the ship couldn’t easily be seen from the mainland. The touchdown was easy. “Here we are.”

“I guess so,” Ienzo murmured.

“Ready?”

“Quite.”

He took Ienzo’s bag, and they started walking.

“You said this was a play island?”

“Oh, yeah. When we were kids we spent hours and hours here. Now we hang out here.” He pointed out the main landmarks; the shack, the waterfall, the treehouses. “It’s… a good place to come if you need to be alone. Lots of nooks and crannies.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“We’ll take my boat back to the mainland. From there it’s about half a mile walk.”

“A mile?”

“Right… uh…” He struggled to remember metrics. “Almost a kilometer. About ten minutes, fifteen if people stop us. Which they might. Sorry in advance.” He helped Ienzo down into the rowboat.

“Stop us?”

“Well, it’s a small island,” he said. “Everyone knows everyone, and everyone’s been chatting me up since I got back. A new face is gonna be interesting to them.” He started rowing. The surf was nice and gentle today, making it easy. He noticed Ienzo’s eyes flick to his arms and felt a flush of pride. “We’ll be staying with my parents.”

“Oh, I don’t mean to impose, I brought money for an inn--”

“Ienzo, no,” Riku said, with a small laugh. “You even bringing that up is gonna seem rude to my mom.”

“Oh… is that cultural?”

“I guess so?” He shrugged. “She loves entertaining, too. Besides, you might decide you want to stay longer than the amount of money you have.”

“I see--I didn’t even bring a hostess gift--”

“It’s alright,” Riku said. “That doesn’t matter here either. People like to host. They don’t expect you to do anything other than have a good time.”

He looked a bit embarrassed.

“Relax,” Riku said. “It’s going to be fine.” They were at the dock at last. He docked and helped Ienzo back out, taking his bag from him. The sun was starting to set now, casting the shore in pinks and reds.

“Oh…” Ienzo said. “That is lovely.”

“It kinda is,” Riku said. He rested a hand on Ienzo’s waist, and though he jerked a little at the touch, he leaned into it. “You know, I’ve seen a lot of sunsets here. But they’re always something.”

Ienzo nodded. After a few minutes, they headed up the shore to the road. They were standing close enough that their shoulders nearly touched, and Riku’s heart was beating hard. He wanted to touch him. He needed to. He reached out, groping for Ienzo’s hand, found it at last. Again, he jumped a little.

“I’m sorry--”

“No, I’m just not… used to it,” Ienzo said, squeezing his hand gently.

It was nice , walking up the road hand-in-hand like this. With my boyfriend, Riku thought. The streets were emptier at this hour than he thought, but then he remembered. “Oh, right, there’s a game going on.”

“A game?”

“Blitzball. On TV. I think it’s the playoffs. Well, better for us.”

“What is blitzball and what is TV,” Ienzo asked, not humorlessly.

Riku sighed and explained.

“Oh, almost like volleyball,” Ienzo said, with no explanation of what this was. “Though this TV intrigues me.”

“Well, I have one in my room, so we can watch later if you feel up to it.” If his parents didn’t chat them up until dawn.

They turned onto his street. The houses were fairly close together, with small patches of lawn. Ienzo looked around at it all, his eyes wide, curious. His eyebrows shot up when a car drove past them.

“That’s a car,” Riku said. “We use them to get around on land.”

“Fascinating. I’ve seen them on other worlds, but this looks different. How does it work?”

“Um…” He struggled to remember. “Well, they’re solar powered, so the sun charges the batteries, and the batteries… help make the engine go.” He laughed a little. “I don’t know anything about engines.”

“Do you know how to drive?”

“No. I don’t really need to. Almost everything is within walking distance, and if it isn’t, you can take the bus. Er. It’s a car that has room for lots of people, and takes them along a route.”

“Like a streetcar,” Ienzo said. “Radiant Garden used to have those.” He sighed. “I knew our worlds were different, but I didn’t realize… how much. I’m already sweating.”

“And this is night,” Riku said. “Wait til tomorrow.” He took his house keys out of his pocket. He could use the Keyblade, but that seemed weird, and extra. “This one.” The house looked like any on the street; a simple two-storey, three bedroom, with a small offshoot over the garage. The siding was a bright teal, and his mother’s well-groomed strelitzias were in full bloom.

“It’s cute,” Ienzo said. “Cozy.”

“I’ll give you “cozy.”” He laughed. “Alright. Prepare yourself.”

Ienzo sighed.

He put his key in the lock. Predictably, the door flew open before he could even twitch them. “Welcome home!” His mother said. “So glad you made it back in one piece.” She gave Riku a painfully tight hug. “You must be Ienzo. Oh, hello, dear, welcome to the islands.” Before Riku could stop her she’d swept him into a hug, too, and Riku saw the brief spasm of panic. “Sorry, I’m a hugger.”

Ienzo coughed a little. “Ah. Hello. Pleasure to meet you.”

“We’re so happy to have any friend of Riku’s.” She’d finally let go of him but was holding his hands tightly. “Dinner’s almost ready. You two must be starving after your long trip.”

“Sounds lovely,” Ienzo said dazedly. “Thanks so much.”

She waved her hand dismissively. “ Matsu! Your son’s back!”

“Watching the game?” Riku asked.

“ Glued. All afternoon.” She rolled her eyes. “Why don’t you two get settled and I’ll call you when it’s ready?”

A tall, slender man--Riku’s father--came out of the room. He had a well-groomed mustache, his hair close cropped to his scalp. “Smooth ride?” he asked.

“Went off without a hitch,” Riku said. “Dad, this is Ienzo. Ienzo, this is my dad, Matsuda.”

“Nice to meet you, sir,” Ienzo said, offering his hand. Riku saw how hard and how firm his father took it and winced.

“You know when Riku said you were from another world I was imagining a little green guy, but you look pretty normal,” he said.

“Dad,” Riku said. “I told you about the One Sky thing.”

Ienzo laughed politely, a little stiffly. “I’m very much human.”

“Well I think that’s good. Can I get you something to drink? We have it all.”

“...Drink?”

“He means alcohol,” Riku said, rolling his eyes. “Dad, don’t make Ienzo drink if he doesn’t want to.”

“Er…” Ienzo clearly wasn’t sure what the right answer was.

“You know what, I’ll get you two a cassis.” He disappeared into the den, where the liquor was.

“You okay?” Riku asked. “I’m sorry they both grabbed you like that. We’re… feelers, here.”

Ienzo shook his head. “I’m sorry, this is all new to me.”

“It’s okay. I think they both understand. They’re just trying to be friendly.” Riku kicked himself both for not preparing Ienzo better and for not telling his parents to chill.  

Matsuda came back a minute later with two highballs of cassis orange. “Be careful with these,” he said, with a wink.

“Dad,” Riku said.

“Alright, alright, I’ll let you two get settled.”

Riku bobbed his head towards the garage door. “We’re up through here.”

“Does this have something to do with that long story?”

He sighed. “Yes.”

---

Ienzo followed Riku up a set of stairs to another door, which Riku unlocked. The drink was cold in his hand, and felt awkward to carry up. “Here we go,” he said.

It looked to be more of a studio apartment than a bedroom. There was an alcove opposite the door, which was just wide enough for a double bed. The alcove had a large window which faced the sea. Next to it was a tall dresser with a lamp. To Ienzo’s right was a small kitchenette, with a minifridge, a hot plate, a coffee maker, and a toaster oven. On the left was a sofa, which had been made up neatly with sheets and a few pillows. Near it was what looked to be a computer screen on a small stand, powered off, but with no accompanying console. The walls were a plain gray, and unadorned, and there were a few boxes labeled “RIKU--SAVE” shoved in one corner. The dark hardwood floors were clearly beautiful, but needed a good refinish. Everything smelled very clean, though there wasn’t anything that said anything about Riku as a person. “You have your own apartment,” Ienzo said.

“Ah--yeah, sort of.” Riku set down the duffle next to the couch. “I… used to have a bedroom in the main house, but then I disappeared, and my parents… went to grief counseling.” He turned red and couldn’t meet Ienzo’s eyes. “They were told it would help if they packed away my things, and they sold my furniture. They would’ve remade my room downstairs, but dad works from home now, so he kind of needs it as an office.” He cleared his throat. “This used to be my grandma’s apartment before she passed. They didn’t have the heart to rent it out, or anything.”

“Oh,” Ienzo said, very quietly.

“I like it, though,” he said. “Being close to them, but not too close. Having a sliver of independence.”

“I can see that.”

“We used to have an air mattress, but mice got to it. I hope the couch will be okay until we can get a new one.”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine.” It was cooler in here, but not cool enough. Ienzo didn’t anticipate sleeping well anyway. He was still a bit shaky. He took a sip of the drink, found it went down easily.

“You don’t have to drink that,” Riku said.

“It’s tasty.”

He smiled a little. “He meant what he said when he said to be careful. He makes drinks strong.”

“Your parents. Do they know about us?”

“Yeah, I’m out,” Riku said. “Mom probably just didn’t want to push it.”

“And they’re okay with… us staying in the same room?” It made him blush just thinking about it, even if this was in the most innocent sense of the word.

Riku blushed too. “I know I said they’re suffocating me, but when I’m up here they try to give me privacy,” he said. “I don’t think they, uh, care what I do so long as I’m happy. And here. I’m an adult, after all.”

“Right. Understood.” Ienzo drank down more of the cocktail, partially because he was thirsty.

“...I hope you’re hungry. Mom cooks a lot , and I’m sure she’ll use you as an excuse to pull out all the stops. Show you islander cuisine and all that.”

He smiled a little. “Sounds lovely.”

A few moments later they were summoned. Riku’s house was similarly styled in bright colors, with a full living room. There was a shelf full of photos of Riku, and Ienzo couldn’t help his curiosity. “Oh, god, don’t,” Riku said quickly.

Ienzo smirked. “Look at you. Was this when you were a baby ? Look how fat your cheeks were.”

He turned redder than the drink in his hand. “I think she put these out specifically because you were coming.”

“I think it’s sweet.” He reached out and touched the frame in question. He felt a sudden stab of melancholy and wondered if there were any photos of him when he were little, if he’d have had this type of life if his parents hadn’t passed--

“Boys? Dinner’s ready.” Riku’s mother was slender and very beautiful; he looked more like her than his father. She brushed her hands off on her apron. Riku brought him through to the dining room.

The table was low to the ground, and there were no chairs, just small cushions. Most of the table was cluttered with lots and lots of small bowls of all sorts of things, some of which Ienzo could identify, some he couldn’t. He saw kimchi and poi, meats in some kind of sweet sauce, something that looked like dim sum. The mixture was eclectic but somehow it seemed to work, to make sense. And it all smelled delicious. He realized that, between the travel and being afraid to meet Riku’s parents, he was actually ravenous. “Oh no, you didn’t have to go to all this trouble for me,” Ienzo said.

“It was no trouble at all, dear,” she said.

“Mariko loves to cook,” his father said. “Besides, we’ll eat on it for the week.”

“Go ahead. Sit down.”

Ienzo did. It felt a little odd to be so low to the ground. “So you sort of take a little of what you want and use the same plate,” Riku told him.

There was also a pitcher of something pink that was passed around that he was also told was mildly alcoholic. Ienzo waited for the others to serve themselves before quickly taking at least a bite of everything onto his plate. But nobody ate. Instead, Riku’s mother and father both offered him one of their hands.

“They like to say a prayer first,” Riku said, a little embarrassed.

“Oh,” Ienzo said. “Sorry.”

Joined in an odd little circle, Matsuda bowed his head and the others followed, so Ienzo did too. “We’d like to give thanks to the gods for the meal we’re about to receive, and to give thanks for welcoming our son back safely home along with his new friend.” He said something in a language Ienzo could not understand, and Riku and Mariko both repeated it. “Alright, let’s eat.”

Everything was delicious and so interesting , not quite like anything he’d had before. He tried to remember the manners he’d been taught when he was young, but he noticed that all of them were even eating some of the dishes with their hands. “Everything is just wonderful,” he said. “I can’t thank you enough.”

“Aren’t you sweet,” Mariko said.

“...I like to pretend I’m something of a cook myself. Will you tell me a little bit about this?”

“Oh, don’t get her started,” Matsuda said.

Mariko told him all about islander cuisine and how it was prepared, down to the use of marinades, where their things were sourced, and on and on. Ienzo found it fascinating and wished he could write it down. “I’d be happy to share some of the recipes with you. Not all of it, though. Some of it’s secret.” She winked.

Ienzo wanted to keep eating, but he was already getting full and he’d been warned there was dessert. “I see.”

“What is it like where you’re from?” Matsuda asked.

“Riku’s kept it very hush-hush. Very mysterious,” Mariko said, approvingly.

“Oh… well, Radiant Garden isn’t all that special,” he said, thinking of how overwhelmed he’d felt on the island streets. Perhaps they would feel the same if they ever came to visit.

“Must be special enough if our boy’s going out of his way to see you,” his father said, though his tone was teasing.

“Matsu,” Mariko said. “Don’t embarrass the boy.”

Riku rolled his eyes a little. “Well,” Ienzo said. “For one, it’s quite a lot cooler there.” He told them a little bit about what the weather was like, about how the town was. He tried to not mention that Ansem had once been king, just that he was a scientist in the castle and that Ienzo had grown up there.

“A castle ,” Matsuda said, whistling. “Fancy.”

“Ah--not quite. Our world fell to darkness, quite like yours. So bits of it are in disrepair.” He didn’t mention Riku’s assistance there, not sure of the situation with his parents. “Coming here and seeing all these family homes has been quite refreshing.”

“So what is it you do?” Matsuda asked. “Do you go to school? Or work?”

Ienzo swallowed and took a sip of the pink drink. He drank so rarely that he feared he was a bit tipsy. “I’m a scientist, and a researcher,” he said slowly. “My main project lately has been restoration of the library’s collections.” A glamorous phrase for what he was actually doing.

“What is it you study?”

He blinked. “Well, historically, hearts. The metaphysical hearts in us all. But I’ve studied a fair share of lots of fields along the way.”

“Hearts. How romantic,” Mariko said.

“Ienzo’s work was actually instrumental in helping Kairi and I find Sora,” Riku said.

“I wouldn’t go that far,” he murmured.

“Oh, don’t be modest, you helped bring him back to us. For that, you’ll always be welcome here,” his mother said.

Ienzo blushed and looked back down at his plate.

“Are you boys ready for dessert?”

Hours later, more stuffed with food than Ienzo could comprehend, Riku gently pried them from the table. Both of his parents kept asking all sorts of questions about Radiant Garden, about Ienzo, about how they’d met (this caused quite an awkward moment). Riku just said they’d met when he was looking for Sora and only got to know each other later. Ienzo was a bit drunk and a bit dehydrated and definitely tired.

“Mari, we should let the poor boys sleep before you keep them up all night,” Riku’s father said at last.

“Please at least let me help with the dishes,” Ienzo said. He could only imagine what it must look like in the kitchen with all this food.

“I absolutely will not,” Mariko said. “You’re a guest, and you’re exhausted. Go on, get settled. Get. ”

“Thank you,” he said softly, and followed Riku back to the apartment.

The room was mostly dark; Riku flicked on the lamp. “How are you holding up?”

“So full I could burst,” Ienzo said. “But that was… lovely.”

“I’m sorry if they made you uncomfortable.”

“No, they didn’t. Not really. I’m…” How to put this without sounding pathetic. “I’ve never really… seen or taken part in such normal life.”

“No?”

“I was raised by five scientists in a lab. Sitting and having such an extensive home cooked meal was not a common occurrence.” He offered a smile. “Nor were either of the castles so homey.”

“Oh…”

“Don’t pity me,” Ienzo said gently. “That is just to say this all feels a bit foreign. You must be exhausted. You had a much longer day than I did.”

“The carbs don’t help,” he said.

“Is there… perhaps… some place I can shower?”

“Right--oh, of course, the bathroom’s through there. Do you need anything?”

“...Just a towel.” He dug into his duffle for his toiletries and pajamas.

Riku handed him one from a cabinet. “You can hang it on the door when you’re done.”

“...Thanks.”

After a cold, cold shower Ienzo felt a bit better. Riku had already changed and was sitting on his bed, braiding his hair. “If I don’t sleep with it like this it ends up a mess of knots.”

“...I see.” He identified the strangeness he was feeling--the odd intimacy of sleeping in someone else’s house, seeing them getting ready for something as mundane as bed.

“You wanna watch some TV?”

“I really am exhausted,” he said. “Maybe tomorrow?” Perhaps by then he’d feel curious.

He smiled. “Sure. Of course. Let me… let me know if you need any more pillows or blankets.”

“I sincerely think I won’t need more blankets,” Ienzo said. He sat down on the made-up soda. It was actually quite comfortable.

“Good night, Ienzo.”

“Good night, Riku.”

The light clicked off.

[ohnohetaliasues]

Tokyo OC (Setsuna Miyuu)

(Kat)

So, an anon sent me a note about this OC, and I found her almost immediately on Hetalia Fan Characters Wiki. Let’s get into it.

I made a Tokyo OC a while ago, so this should be interesting.

Tokyo (東京 Tokyo) is the capital city of Japan in the series Hetalia: Axis Powers. She is sometimes referred to as Tokyo Metropolis (東京都 Tokyo-to). Her human name is Miyuu Setsuna (刹那 美夢ー Setsuna Miyuu).

Okay, so both Miyuu (more commonly spelled as Miyu) and Setsuna are first names.

Also I read the Kanji for ‘Miyuu’ as ‘Mimu’ so there’s that.

This looks like a Love Live character.

Okay, so as cute as this chibi is, I think this character is a bit whitewashed. She looks Caucasian as opposed to Japan, who does look Asian for the most part.

Name: Tokyo Metropolis (東京都) Human Name: Miyuu Setsuna (刹那 美夢ー Setsuna Miyuu) Alternative Spelling(s): N/A Age: 16

No.

Too young.

Tokyo was originally called Edo, and Edo castle was built in 1457, then became the center of Tokugawa Ieyasu’s military government in 1603. She would be a little older than 16.

Gender: Female Birthday: February 10th

This date has nothing to do with Tokyo’s history.  You could try May 1st, which is the day Tokyo was established as a city.

Hair Color: Caramel Brown (manga), Caramel Brown (anime) Eye Color: Maroon (manga), Cherry Red (anime)

Seeing as none of the countries have abnormally colored hair and that they physically cannot dye their hair, this is not normal because Japanese people typically don’t have red hair. They have dark hair.

Case in point.

Height: 145 cm

Why in fresh hell is she 4′7″? The average height of a Japanese woman is around 5′2″ or so.

Appearance

Tokyo, Japan

She has brown hair that reaches a few inches below her shoulders and a P-shaped curl on the middle of her head.

Does this represent anything?

Her hair is wavy and some of it on the side also curls inward. This was from the effect of having to tie her hair up too often when she was a child.

No. This isn’t how hair works. I tie my hair up plenty and it doesn’t leave a permanent dent, even if my hair is naturally curly.

Despite this, Tokyo's original hair color is actually black.

Like I said, countries cannot dye their hair, so this is not plausible. Leave her hair as black if you wanna stay accurate.

In her first appearance as a character, she wore an above-the-knee black yukata with a reddish-pink sash and a bell at the side. However, when she grew up with Japan, she is seen wearing a seemingly military-type set of clotes with gold linings and black accents.

She would still wear pants and not a skirt because wearing a skirt as a military uniform in combat would be really silly.

Her left boot is noticeably shorter than the right.

Is there a practical reason for this?

As a child, she wore a white kimono that looked big and loose on her. Her hair was styled like two triangular-shaped buns that looked like riceballs.

A white kimono?

From what I know about kimonos, you don’t wear white kimonos unless you’re getting married. Other than that, white kimonos are only ever worn under the actual kimonos and are called nagajuban.

Personality and Interests

Though described as determined and strong-willed, Tokyo doesn't know much of other nations. She tends to be rather shy and gentle to strangers, sometimes acting nervous like she would make a mistake.

Tokyo has the best metropolitan economy in the world, so I’d imagine she’d be generally pretty outgoing. She’d talk to others in a business-like manner because of this, possibly. My own Tokyo OC is afraid of explosives because of the bombings that took place in Tokyo and she is also careful with what she spends because of the economy thing.

Despite this, Tokyo shows a more outgoing and cheerful side to the nations or capitals she's already a bit close to.

Tokyo secretly likes making robots but she doesn't usually reveal her inventions to the other nations or capitals, only to Japan.

I mean, Japanese electronics are pretty common, so I find this silly.

She has a verbal mannerism to say 'ryuun' just like the way China says 'aru'.

Is there an actual reason for this?

Tokyo was relatively quiet and timid as a child. There showed one time when she kicked Susanoo square on the face for eating her sushi, showing that she was quite aggresive.

Who in the hell is Susanoo?

Relationships

Japan

When she was a child, Tokyo lived in Japan's house at a separate room and only went outside to eat a snack or use the bathroom. Eventually, she started to open up more when the other nations China, America and England started visiting Japan. This lead to her meeting Washington and London and seeing her childhood friend Beijing again.

Um.

No.

Holland was the first to visit Japan after he closed his boarders for nearly 263 years, and I’m concerned that he’s not mentioned. I mean, sure America arrived around 1853.

Also, why Washington? It isn’t inaccurate since Japan sent cherry trees to plant along the Potomac River in 1910, but that was 57 years after the boarders opened again.

Okay, did this person even do their research?

China

Main Article: China

China took control of Japan when he was a kid. Before being Japan's capital, she secretly followed him. When China found out about her, she was forced to work as a servant.

N O.

NO.

NO.

Okay no.

China never formally occupied Japan, at least not as far as I know. They were connected politically, but China never actually totally controlled Japan.

However, during WWII Japan did actually occupy some of China’s land.

Do your goddamn research.

Beijing

When Tokyo became China's servant, she met Beijing. Beijing introduced himself as her boss, being China's capital, and often made fun of her and made her work twice as usual.

One time when Beijing asked for Tokyo to cook siopao for him, Tokyo screwed the dish and made Beijing throw up. Since then, he never asked her to cook for him.

This is irrelevant since this was never a thing.

Germany

When Japan became part of the Axis, Tokyo had an opportunity to meet Germany. There is not much known about there relationship, save for the fact that Tokyo dubbed him as a "respectable person".

Uh, okay.

Berlin

Berlin met Tokyo through Germany. They became friends and often shared thoughts, only about war and fighting. Tokyo stated that Berlin was "a person to go to when you're in trouble", contrasting the fact that other nations avoid Germany when they have trouble.

This is irrelevant.

Paris

When Paris went to a vacation in Japan, she met Tokyo and made friends with her. She thinks that Tokyo is her little sister and loves going shopping with her. Paris likes her a lot and is the reason why Tokyo has a lot of "weird" clothes. Despite this, Tokyo hates shopping and going to places with crowds.

Okay, no. Tokyo is a giant city. She would have to be pretty used to crowds and shopping since Tokyo has many markets and shopping districts.

I might even say she would like things like this.

Italy

Italy met Tokyo when he was running away from Germany. Tokyo introduced herself while Italy forgot about being chased.

???

Italy said that Tokyo was like a kid by the way she looks and sometimes calls her "sorellina".

Um. Okay.

Rome

Rome and Tokyo hang out as much as Italy and Japan. They are shown to have good relations with each other as Rome feels that he can trust Tokyo to tell about his problems. Rome often asks Tokyo for tips on how to woo women but it eventually turns out to a disaster since Tokyo doesn't know much about "wooing".

South Italy (Romano)

Tokyo and Romano don't have a good relationship. When the two met, Tokyo was dressed up as a boy so Romano didn't recognized her as a woman. The two bumped into each other and Romano cursed at her, still not knowing her actual gender.

Tokyo's gender was only revealed to Romano when Tokyo went with Japan to look for Italy. But since then, Romano's harsh attitude still hasn't changed towards her.

WHY ARE EITHER OF THESE RELEVANT?

London

Yes. This is accurate. London and Tokyo have a partnership agreement. They even have universities which are connected.

Tokyo and London are close friends just as Japan and England are.

But that’s not why they could be friends.

They met from London being introduced by Japan and since then they have been good friends.

No.

London and Tokyo both enjoy having conversations about anime or about who they ship. Due to London being honest with her opininon Tokyo is always able to confide in her.

Don’t trick me into thinking you did your research when you didn’t.

Name

The exact inspiration behind her human name was from the Japanese word "setsuna"

Japanese name, you mean. But yes, also a word.

which means "in a split second" and "miyu" meaning "beauty" or "dream". This in total gives her name a meaning of "beauty in a split second" or "dream in a split second".

And, my dear readers, this has nothing at all to do with the city of Tokyo.

Discussing further, it is known that Tokyo has a hobby of drawing scenes or events that happen in her dreams. She does this first thing in the morning or whenever she wakes up from sleep. It is revealed that she keeps a pencil and a sketchpad underneath her pillow which she calls her "dream board".

Okay, but this is again, irrelevant. Characters are allowed to have their quirks and hobbies, but with Hetalia OCs, you have to be careful of giving them totally unrelated hobbies.

Character Songs

Marukaite Chikyuu

Hatafutte Parade

Mawaru Chikyuu Rondo

There are no links even on the wiki page, so I guess those are useless.

Trivia

When the Axis celebrated Tokyo's birthday on February 10th by buying her cake, she ate it all without sharing which lead to the fact that Tokyo loves confections. She said sorry after not giving the others the food.

Alright, I guess.

In a comic strip, Beijing mumbled to himself in his room that, "I'm gonna be her boss so we'll finally meet so she can notice me," revealing that Beijing was quite lonely and only wanted Tokyo as a playmate and not actually a servant.

What comic strip? Is this person just pretending Himariya wrote their characters in? I’m confused.

China once called for Tokyo and Japan and looked at them in their eyes. He stated that their eyes looked dull and same but had a different hue.

China just called Japan and Tokyo to look at their eyes? Doesn’t he have better things to do with his time?

Okay, so all that is left is a bunch of art in the gallery, but I don’t know how much of it is stolen and how much of it isn’t, so I’ll just leave it where it is.

Anyway, this OC needs research. Look up information about Tokyo’s history, about Japan’s history. Surprisingly, that video on YouTube, ‘History Of Japan,’ that’s actually a usable source, as silly as it is.

Anyway, I’ll see you guys later. Thanks for recommending this character to me, Anon!

~Kat

[writeyourownlifestory]

L I G H T S U P

Chapters: 3/20 Fandom: IT Rating: M Warnings: No warnings at this time Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Beverly Marsh/Ben Hanscom Additional Tags: PunkRocker!Eddie, Writer!Richie, Beveddie!Friendship, No Clown Written by: myself & @ahardlife​ Tag list: @richietoaster, @beproudtozier, @that-weird-girls-blog, @s-onora, @s-s-georgie, @bellarosewrites, @iamcupcakefrosting, @reddieonwheels, @ghostnebula, @madidraw @madi-main, @gazebobullshit, @thoughtfullyyoungduck​, @airbenderking

Puff piece writer Richie Tozier is given the chance of a lifetime to interview his celebrity crush: Dr. K, the lead singer of punk rock band, Trashmouth. Dr. K is about to release his first solo album and Richie wants to get all the dirty details. But all is not what it appears to be and the two realize they know each other from a different time, in a different place, when they were both very different people.

Chapters One, Two 

Kill My Mind - Louis Tomlinson 

You kill my mind Raise my body back to life And I don't know what I'd do without you now

Kept me living From the last time From a prison of a past life On a mission just to feel like When you kissed me for the last time

While he may not have been the most studious of those who worked at Paper Boat magazine, Richie was anything if not professional. He stayed up throughout the night as he pieced together the interview to send to Bill. He wanted to ace that job, mind you. Even if he just did fluff pieces and bullshit reports, he always made sure his work was coherent and easy to read.

When the following day came, he made his way back into the studio, clutching a large coffee with a double shot, recalling what the singer said again and again.

What the fuck did he mean by it was nice to see you again?

He thought about all the people he had met throughout the years in the industry and nope. Dr. K wasn’t on that list. He had been a fan of Trashmouth since he was a junior in college, there is no fucking way he would have forgotten meeting him even if it was early on in his career.

As he made his way to his cubby, he stumbled into Georgie, who was adjusting his camera and making his way down to the designated photoshoot area.

“Jesus, you look terrible. What happened to you?” Was the first thing he asked him.

“Thanks for the support, little man. I appreciate it,” he commented with a chuckle. “I had to edit the interview and it took longer than expected.” He admitted sipping at his coffee, trying to make it seem casual.

He also stayed awake, examining the selfie he had taken moments before the bombshell. He had seen Dr. K’s face nearly every day for the past eight years. Richie was very sure if they had met before, he would have recognized him.

You don’t just forget about meeting a fucking rockstar even if you met them before their star status.

“Oh, right,” the guy nodded, going back to set his camera. “He’ll be here in five. The singer guy. His assistant just called me,” he informed.

Sometimes he forgot that Georgie was nearly ten years younger than Bill. Still in college with a lush career on his shoulders all thanks to his brother’s connections. He would be jealous of the little fucker if he wasn’t such a damn sweetheart.

“Cool. Cool cool.”

“You can come along if you want. No one is allowed access other than me and Bill, but since you’re doing the expose on him, I don’t see why you shouldn’t be there too.”

“Oh. Right. Thanks.”

And he was panicking again. He really shouldn’t be because like Georgie said, he was just a singer guy. Except he wasn’t. He was Dr. K. Lead -- former -- lead singer of Trashmouth. A band that meant more to Richie than he is proud to admit at this very moment.

As they made their way down to the secluded area, Richie’s mouth started watering. Was that normal? He’d have to check with a doctor. A real one. True to words, Dr. K and Beverly arrived a few minutes later with Bill in tow. Georgie greeted them kindly, while Richie just stood off awkwardly to the side, staring out at him like a psycho as Georgie explained what they wanted him to do.

It wasn’t going to be anything wild. Richie had seen other promotional photos of the man and while some of them helped him get through some very lonely nights, this wasn’t going to be like that. They weren’t giving him stupid props or greasing him up.

He would wear the clothes he came in with (black jeans and a black and white checkered button-down), and Bill would talk to him throughout it just to keep him confident and relaxed. It was pretty standard with Paper Boat. They wanted real people so having a photoshoot that was more photoshopped than anything wasn’t their cup of tea.

Giving Georgie a minute to set up, Richie watched as Dr. K approached him, that particular smile sitting so comfortably across his lips. It only made Richie more nervous.

“Hey Richie,” He greeted him casually.

“Hey! Hi. Good morning,” He rambled out, his hand still clutching his coffee. “Excited for the shoot?”

“Nothing new to me to be honest, though I do appreciate your boss not lathering me up in lube.” He admitted with a small shrug.

“That was a great shoot. I mean, I doubt it was comfortable and it had to be a bitch to wash off, but ten out of ten stars for me.” He mentioned, rolling on the balls of his feet. He was teetering. Waiting. Waiting for what though? If he didn’t spit it out he would miss his chance and then the mystery would only continue. “Hey, can I ask you something real quick?”

“Shoot.”

“Yesterday, at the interview before you left, remember? You- you said it was nice to see me again,” he started, pausing as Beverly came over, passing Dr. K his own cup of coffee.

Richie took a slow sip of his mouth, hoping to quench his throat that was suddenly very dry.

Dr. K thanked her, sipping at his cup as Beverly left them again. “Mhm, I remember.”

“Well, I’ve been thinking about it and honestly dude, I don’t remember ever meeting you.” He finally confessed. “Did we like, have a class together in school? I highly doubt it because you were touring while I was getting my bachelor's, but I really can’t find you anywhere in my mind. And trust me, I would remember someone like you. Cute, and sexy, and talented. You’re like a triple threat and I have like, seven shirts with your face on it, plus multiple pictures of you in my apartment, and I’ve seen you perform sixteen times in the past eight years, and I should stop talking now because Bill is literally right there and told me I shouldn’t embarrass myself and me-“

Dr. K started laughing then, soft and sweet. His smile only grew and those dark eyes shimmered almost lovingly. “Beep beep, Richie.”

And after that he was whisked away by Georgie. They didn’t apply much makeup other than some powder to help with the shine. Richie was left standing like a fool, watching as Dr. K was placed where they wanted him and Bill began talking to him as the photoshoot began.

“Beep beep?” Richie muttered aloud, trying to remember where he heard that before.

Until it clicked.

“Beep beep, Richie!”

Richie laughed aloud, turning back to make sure the other boy was still behind him. It was summer and they were kids, which meant they were going to do whatever the hell they wanted to do without a single care in the world. Their town was small and boring, so what else were two ten year old kids supposed to do? Sit at home and watch cartoons?

They rode their bikes around town, finally making it to the standpipe where they could have a bit of privacy. They went there more often than not, as it was the only place in the whole damn town that wasn’t a waste of space.

They hurried inside, just as they had so many times before. As children, preteens, and then finally teenages. Sure, two ten year olds running a muck was pretty annoying, but it was the thirteen year olds that caused the most trouble, with their potty mouths and terrible ideas.

Richie lead the other boy inside, sneaking through the rickety door and up, up, up the stairs until they reached the very top. It was the only place high enough where you could see beyond Derry. See the horizon as the sun set down and actually know there was more of this world than just their shitty town.

“All right, Rapunzel! I’ve brought you back to your tower, far away from that terrible, terrible witch that kept you captive!”

“That’s not even how the story goes, dumbass.” The other boy laughed.

His words were meant to be cruel, but they weren’t. And his gaze wasn’t one of disdain but appreciation. Richie adjusted his glasses, moving closer to the other boy. “Either way, I’m still the prince charming, here to save the beautiful prince.”

The other boy rolled his eyes fondly.

“If your mom puts you under a sleeping spell, I’ll have to be the one to kiss you awake.” Richie announced.

“Wrong princess, Richie.”

“You do look rather sleepy, Eds. Maybe I should try it now? Just for practice?”

“Beep beep, Richie.” The other boy replied, pulling the taller boy in to kiss him softly.

Richie hurried out of the studio, going up the stairs and out onto the street to gather from fresh air. He felt a tightness in his stomach that he hadn’t dealt with in a very long time. He was sweaty and jumpy as people moved along the street beside him. It was as if he had seen a ghost and in some ways, he had.

There was only one person in his life who said those words to him; the mocking clown nose sound that would be used to sensor him or shut him up.

It was him. After all these years. After all the nightmares. After all the therapy sessions he finally walked back into his life.

Eddie Kaspbrak.

They had been friends since kindergarten. Best friends almost right off the bat. Eddie was a shy kid who didn’t do well with crowds and Richie was a class clown who was shunned from all other cliques due to how obnoxious he was even from an early age.

They were two people who didn’t belong in the small town they were trapped inside. Two boys who shared common interests and scars, and more importantly, secrets.

Eddie Kaspbrak was the reason Richie turned into such a basket case, so afraid to come out of his shell and be proud of who he was.

And it was Dr. K that helped Richie step out of the darkness and into the light.

Now it appeared they were one in the same.

There was no other way around it. Nobody else had ever said such a thing to him. “Beep beep” had been their thing, the thing Eddie would say to get him to stop talking back when they were just kids. There was no possible way anybody else would know that.

After finally realizing he wasn’t happy with the life had been living Richie went to therapy where he basically cried out every sad story he had to tell. In the end the therapist suggested he reach out to his old pal. Richie looked him up on every social media account he could but there was no sign of him anywhere.

It was like he didn’t exist anymore.

In the back of his mind Richie thought the worst and he had good reason to. Things didn’t end well for them back when they were kids. They were torn apart due to the prejudices of society and the pure hatred from Eddie’s mother. He always wondered what happened to his friend, especially since it was very clear that he and Eddie were more than friends.

There was a time when he used to think they were fucking soulmates. It was silly to think and he was just thirteen when those thoughts popped into his head into his head but back then he didn’t care.

It was just him and Eddie against the world. But the world ended up winning in the end.

Richie left the studio then, unsure of how he was supposed to carry on with the rest of the day with the knowledge he now had. He had practically gotten sick of it, thinking back to his childhood and how terrible things had turned out for himself.

He felt sick, like every time he got nervous about something. He felt sick and scared and happy? All of a sudden. Yes, he went to therapy because he thought his best friend was gone for good. Shit, he even called to as many conversion camps he could find information about across the country. Really, Sonia Kaspbrak would do anything to keep her son for herself.

And now Eddie was back in his life. How could he not see it? He went to sixteen concerts, got a poster of the band in his house, he even got cold showers courtesy of Dr. K. It was going to be a whole lot to process it. Process, first of all, that Eddie was alive. Two, that he was in his life again and even remembered him. And three, that he was Dr. K.

What. The. Fuck.

Richie went home hoping to collect his thoughts though it didn’t turn out the way he hoped. He was going absolutely bonkers trying to control all these new revelations that were coming his way.

He tried to get his mind off it; even jumping into the shower hoping the warm water would make him feel like a normal person again but that was all for nothing.

He had to talk to Eddie. Obviously he remembered him. Remembered the things they used to say to one another. He felt like he was going out of his mind.

Looking at the clock, he swore sharply. He would be gone from the studio by now. Richie was mentally kicking himself for running away but it’s what he did best.

There had to be another way. He was desperate but he didn’t want to give up that easily.

So he called Bill, hoping to use his small amount of improv and acting skills to get him in good. “Bill! Buddy! Shit man you’re never gonna believe this.” He spoke drastically.

He told Bill this wild story about how he was watching a documentary on Galaxy Quest that got him excited, resulting in him knocking over his coffee cup onto his computer, which short-circuited as he was editing the interview.

“I got it back up and rolling but I wasn’t able to save. Yeah, it’s gone man. All of it. I was hoping you had the number of his assistant so I could reschedule another one on one.”

“You gotta be more careful, Rich. MacBooks aren’t cheap.” Bill replied with a laugh.

He texted him the number of Dr. K’s personal assistant.

Easy as that.

Richie was ready to relay the whole story back to Beverly and when he did he thought that maybe it would be just as easy. Of course, it wasn’t.

“Mr. Denbrough asked enough questions during the photoshoot to qualify as an interview. Surely that shall suffice, Mr. Tozier.” She spoke coolly.

“It could but it wouldn’t answer the hard-hitting questions that our readers want to know about,” Richie replied. “Look it will only be a few minutes. I’ll even come to him if you give me the address.”

“I very well can't just give you the address of Dr. K’s home.” Beverly laughed off dismissively.

“Bev — can I call you Bev? — I need you to work with me here. I know I sound desperate and pathetic but I want you to know from the bottom of my heart, I am both.”

He wasn’t going to sugar coat it. He ran away because he was a weak bitch but he had to talk to Eddie about this. Needed him to fill in the gaps of their lives.

“Ten minutes, that’s all. I don’t want to waste his time, I just want to talk to him. You can even supervise if you’re worried I’m gonna jump him or anything.”

“You don’t give up easily, do you, Tozier?”

“Actually I’ve been known to give up very easily. It’s just different this time around,” Richie confessed.

The line was quiet for a moment; too quiet that Richie thought that maybe the call dropped. He pulled away to look but found Beverly continuing.

“He’s not at his current home. He’s staying at the Waldorf Suites until further notice.” She explained.

He told her the name that he was staying under and explained he would be there for the rest of the night. Richie looked down at the paper, his heart jumping in his throat when he saw the name he was currently listed under “Spaghetti” which just hit too close to him.

“Don’t do anything stupid, Mr. Tozier.” She warned lightly.

“I make zero promises, Ms. Ringwald.” He said before ending the call.

He jumped up from his seat then, rushing off to change back into his clothing so he could hit the road and get some answers.

[jaydcstories]

Read this and other stories on my blog: JOHN DEE COOPER'S ALL-MALE SLAVERY STORIES

PAULO by John Dee Cooper © 2020

Chapter 9

‘PEPE’S STORY’

Pepe told us he was a shy child — which was hard to imagine what with that body and those enormous muscles, not to mention his gigantic cock which kept twitching as he spoke. If his hands had been free he’d probably have stroked it till it was rock hard (we were having to get used to this matter-of-fact attitude to being naked).

Anyway, he got bullied at school. He didn’t know why. Maybe because his father was rich. But so were all the kids’ fathers. It was a top grade exclusive boarding school and he hated it. He don’t know what it was, there was just something about him that didn’t fit in. Sometimes, looking back, he wondered if it was meant that he should be a slave right from the start and that the other boys sensed it while he didn’t. Because in all other respects he was a model student. He did well in his exams and won trophies for gym and athletics. He enjoyed running almost more than anything else, being out on the track, speeding ahead of all the other kids. He loved that. But he just felt different, that was all.

Then one day, when he was fourteen, he was called to the headmaster’s office and told that his father’s business had gone bankrupt. Next he got a visit from his uncle — a distant relative whom he’d never met before — who told him that his father had done away with himself. Jumped off a building, apparently, although it was never proved. Then his mother had a mental breakdown. She was carted off to an asylum. He had no-one else to take care of him but this uncle.

The uncle didn’t want to go on paying the school fees, so that was the end of Pepe’s education. He never liked boy, mainly because he’d been landed with the father’s debts. He treated him like a servant — worse even. Then, when some of Pepe’s friends got into trouble with the police, he jumped at the chance of having the boy sent off to a labour camp for two years, even though it was clear Pepe himself hadn’t done anything wrong.

At first he was just a kid running messages. Then, when the camp officers realised what a good athlete he was they started training him up. He worked hard and very soon they were putting him in for regional and national competitions and he started to win prizes. He was a good looking teenager and attracted a lot of attention — not always from the best quarters — which at least kept him away from the drudgery of the work gangs.

Although Pepe didn’t realise it, his uncle was secretly grooming him all this while, watching and waiting until he was in prime condition. Then, on the boy’s sixteenth birthday a van turned up and he was bundled aboard — just as we had all been — and taken to a slave farm, where he was stripped naked, branded and had his balls cinched in a steel band.

Apparently when his uncle had sold him to the slave farm he’d kept a percentage interest in the boy, so that he could keep earning money off him. As well as racing, they taught Pepe to box, so he had to fight as well as run. Bare knuckles of course, although sometimes they’d wrap his hands round with bandaging to stop the bleeding. He’d regularly get the stuffing knocked out of him two or three times a week, just so his owners, including his uncle, could make some money. He was a slave, so of course he had no choice and when he lost a fight or a race, he’d get a beating. That was his only incentive — to try and get through the week without being hauled up onto a scaffold to be whipped.

He was on the slave farm for three years, and it was the making of him. He learned to accept pain as his salvation. It became as familiar to him as breathing. He absorbed it and used it to make himself tougher and more efficient. He was proud of his body and his powerful limbs and he learned how to discipline his mind to focus on one thing — becoming the perfect slave.

The slaves would train all day long in the open air, everyday, whatever the weather. You don’t get days off when you’re a slave. Twenty-four-seven you’re either working, resting, feeding or being punished. For Pepe training seemed to consist mostly of running for hours on end, up and down steep slopes, carrying bags of sand on your shoulders or dragging crates full of rocks. Then for a break there’d be squats and press-ups and pull-ups and weight-lifting. It was exhilarating at times, and other times it could be mind numbing. On top of that, as boxing was on the menu for him, he’d spend hours punching bags and getting punched by sparring partners. At night, back in his stall, he was always wracked with pain, and was usually smarting from a beating for being too lazy.

There were twenty boys sleeping five to a stall in a shed in the middle of the corral. It had straw on the floor, but no sheets or blankets and as they had no clothing the only way to keep warm was to curl up together in a tight bunch like puppies. Usually they were too tired to do anything but sleep. But sometimes, after the keepers had locked them in for the night, they’d get restless and those aching muscles would rub against each other and they’d start rolling around and... well... you know!

At this point of his story, Pepe went quiet. He sat for a moment, breathing deeply with his eyes closed. His cock was jutting up as straight as an arrow and we watched in amazement as it began to swell and jerk all on its own, just as if an invisible hand had taken hold of it and was slowly caressing it.

“Sorry boys,” he said, opening his eyes and pulling himself out of his reverie. “It all came flooding back to me for a second there. I miss those slave boys. We had some beautiful times. The farm was horrid and the keepers were nasty, sadistic monsters, but we slaves were like a family and I felt I belonged among them. You should treasure moments like that. They don’t last long.”

He told us how on his nineteenth birthday, or thereabouts (“after a while you lose track of dates and it’s difficult working out exactly how old you are”) his uncle decided to sell his interest in him and he was packed off to the slave market.

“Your first auction — that’s something you can never be prepared for. I’d already been a slave for three years, but that was as part of a litter. I was used to being naked in front of people at fights and races, but I always knew that I would be going back to the farm afterwards and be amongst my friends. When they send you to the auction you’re on your own and you have no idea what the future is going to bring you.

“They put you on public display for about a week before the auction, and there’s an endless stream of buyers coming to have a feel and a poke. You have to stand there and look straight ahead while they crawl all over your body, slapping and stroking. You like to think there’s someone out there who’s going to buy you just because he likes you and wants to be kind to you. But all they’re really interested in is how useful you can be to them and what sort of price you’re going to fetch when they sell you again. Over and over again, they examine your teeth and inspect your eyes, some of them even poke around in your ears. They feel the strength in your arms and legs, and look at your feet. Sometimes they test your abs by giving you a punch in the stomach. They squeeze your balls to see if you’ll make a good breeder, and they’ll even jerk you off just to see how good you look with all your muscles in motion. In fact so many of them play with your cock without letting you cum, that by the end of the day your head’s spinning and your balls are aching with juice. But there is nothing you can do about it. You just have to stand there and take it.

“There was this one fellow who got all excited about my powerful legs and thighs. He’d read the notes about me being an athlete and wanted to see me in action, so they took me outside and I had to run round the perimeter of the courtyard while he watched. He was obviously impressed because on the day of the auction he outbid everyone else. It turns out he runs a pony stable and he’s going to train me as a pony.”

Pepe could see that we were puzzled.

“Haven’t you ever heard of a pony-slave?”

We shook our heads. We were still reeling from his description of what it was like to be auctioned. The concept of slaves being used as ponies was way beyond us.

“Boy, you don’t know much, do you? Well it’s just one of the most intense kinds of discipline a slave can be put through. For a start it’s very lonely on account of the fact that you can’t talk. They pull out your back teeth — look,” he opened his mouth so we could see for ourselves, “and they fit you with a metal plate that holds your tongue down. Then they strap a leather bridle round your head with a metal bit that fits in the gap where your back teeth were,” he stopped to show us the scars on his cheek where the metal bit had pulled against his skin, “and leather blinkers that can be closed so that you can’t see anything, or hinged open so that you can only see straight ahead. That bridle is on there for good. It never comes off — at least not as long as you’re a pony — so your vision is permanently restricted. You have leather straps on your wrists all the time as well so that they’re always ready to be hitched to the shafts of a carriage, or locked behind your back, or shackled to the ceiling — whatever they want.  

“Next thing, you’re never allowed to sit down or lie down or even kneel. Ever! They keep you on your feet the whole time. Even when you’re sleeping. They shackle your wrists to the sides of the stall and there’s a kind of leather padded bar you can lean your head and chest against. You’re fed standing up, and you even have to shit standing up — though they train you to do it cleanly over a sand pit, and you get hosed down afterwards. Basically, everything about your life is fixed to one purpose and one purpose only, running and pulling carriages. You could be harnessed solo or in a team, and you could be pulling anything from a heavy goods wagon to a light weight racing cart. Sometimes, depending on the job you have to do, they might fit you with some kind of covering for your feet — you can’t really call them shoes. But mostly they like to build up your resistance so you can run on any surface in bare feet.

“If you’re kept for private use, like I was, then generally you’re always naked. Usually your owner takes pride in how you look, so he makes sure you work out properly and have a nice trim, muscular body that people can admire as he drives you around in harness. You get used to people coming up to you in the street and stroking your body while you stand waiting for you Master. They even grab hold of your cock and try to jerk you off. You’re trained to respond positively and show yourself off to the best advantage — as a compliment to your Master — but never to shoot off your cum unless your Master orders it. “And then of course there’s the racing. My owner used to race me regularly and I won a lot of money for him. He entered me for pony shows as well, that’s kind of like a dog show but just for pony-slaves. They judge you on your fitness, looks, physical condition and  movement, as well as speed and endurance. There’s an awful lot of standing around and being manhandled at those things. I prefer the races.

“So anyway, there was a few years of that and then I was sold to an owner who just wanted me to pull his private carriage around town. He ran some kind of hiring service with a team of ponies he kept in his stables, but I was there just for his own personal use. He never touched the other ponies, as far as I know, but he often came into my stall at night while I was tethered up and he’d play around with me. Remember, my wrists are hitched to the sides of the stall, I’m leaning my head against the leather padding, my bridle is in place, with the flaps closed so I can’t see and the metal plate is pressing down on my tongue so I can’t speak. I hear him creep in behind and then I feel his hands trailing up my thighs and reaching round to my stomach. His cock jabs into me and for a while he’s riding deep inside me. Sometimes he lets me share in the pleasure of the moment by jerking me off, but mostly he strokes me hard but leaves me aching to cum when he’s finished.”

Pepe’s eyes closed again for a moment and I suppose he was drifting off into another revery. I looked around and could see that his story was having the same effect on Luis and Tomas as it was having on me. Our cocks were all rock hard and pulsating — and we had no hands free to nestle or hide them.

“There’s not much more to tell,” he said after a while. “I was eventually sold to the man who owned Leon over there. He was more interested in slave investment than ownership, so I stopped being a pony. How weird that was having the bridal taken off after, what, four, five years! Took me a while to get my voice back and my full range of vision. Even sitting and lying down was a problem. But I was determined to stay fit and he soon had me running. He made a lot of money out of racing me and even got me into fighting again. Then suddenly he went bankrupt and he had to sell off all his stock to pay his debts. So they paired me off with Leon and we’re going to be put up for auction in England.”

Having got to the end of his story he fell silent. We were all spellbound — except of course Leon who’d contributed a few grunts but otherwise had sat there and said nothing the whole time. It’s only when we bombarded him with questions that he began to mutter under his breath. He was difficult to hear, let alone understand, but it soon became obvious that Spanish wasn’t his first tongue. Pepe had to keep helping him out.

Leon’s was a very different story, which we pieced together mainly from the answers he gave to our persistent questioning.  

[cinnella]

Name: Libelle Abrams (chosen name); Varda Lesedi (birth name)

Age: 22 years old

Sex: Female

Sexuality: Demi-homosexual

Zodiac sign: Libra

Birthday: October 7th

Patron Arcana: Justice (Major); Queen of Swords (Minor)

Occupation: Magician, healer, painter and gardener

Height: 5'9" (1.76 m)

Weight: 194 lbs (88 kg)

Relatives:

Briella Lesedi - mother (deceased)

Abanus Lesedi - father (deceased)

Gushvin Basu - distant family friend

Origin: Born in the Catclaw Desert, grew up in Vesuvia

Race: African-American

Powers: White (purification) and healing magic, as well as telekinesis and precognitive dreaming

Intelligence Level: On a scale from 1 to 10, she's a strong 8.5

Backstory:

During the beautiful sunset of the Catclaw Desert, little Varda was born not far off from their home, where her parents had built their sculpture selling stand.

About 7 months later, while they were enjoying their time at home, their friend, Gushvin, hurried to tell them that an unexpected aggressive sand storm started heading their way.

They made sure to give Varda to him as he was faster and went ahead of them. They tragically got swept away by the storm and inhaled too much sand. They were found without breath or pulse hours later.

As selfish as it was of him, Gushvin didn't want to take care of a child, so he made sure to find someone willing enough to do that, soon running into a person who said they specifically searched for orphaned children that needed care.

After a couple of days of traveling, they arrived in sunny Vesuvia, where Varda was brought to the orphanage in the South End. There she was cared for and raised like promised.

She grew up to be one of the sweetest but most naive kids there. One day during lunch, she noticed a kid was sitting alone at his table, sulking and not eating. She approached him and offered to eat with him.

He had silverish eyes and ash-blond hair and the kindest smile she'd ever seen. She'd heard the adults call him Lucas and she knew he was kind of a troublemaker, but he seemed so lonely. They became best friends almost instantly, and always spent time together.

Some years later, when both of them were around 5 years old, they befriended three other kids, all significantly older than them. She learned that their names were Eris, Syro and Morana, and immediately became worried.

They were the biggest scoundrels in the entire orphanage, and quite honestly, all of South End. But Lucas insisted that they join their group. And she trusted him.

She didn't think that these four kids would become so important to her, that they'd become her family. But they did, and she couldn't be more thankful.

When it became clear enough to the adults that they couldn't raise nameless kids, the more capable ones took to teaching them the importance of knowing how to read and write and then they could choose a name for themselves, on their 7th birthday.

Soon enough, her sweet 7th rolled around and after months of searching, she found a name that would complete her.

And so, Varda Lesedi became Libelle Abrams.

Lucas, not much later, also changed his name, to Calyx. Libelle thought it was such a beautiful name for him.

Many years passed by with the four causing as much trouble as possible, to her unfortunate luck. But once she approached her preteens, devastating news came with them. When they'd reach the age of 17, they would need to leave, one by one, and search for a different home.

They discussed about it, made plans and set goals to find their homelands, their roots and possibly their families.

Obviously, Eris was first in line to leave as the eldest between them. Then Morana with Syro. It was only her and Calyx left. She made the promise to not abandon him there and take him with her when the time would come.

And she did. After celebrating her 17th birthday and talking with the one that had found her so many years ago, they set out to travel towards the Catclaw Desert. The journey was a couple of days long and it took them almost as much to find the one who knew about her parents.

Gushvin was sat on the bench in front of his home when they approached, and when Libelle called out to him, he recognized her immediately. There was some confusion with her name at first, but they quickly caught onto everything.

He told her everything that had happened the day she became an orphan and although he was hesitant, he confessed how selfish he'd been back then, something he regretted deeply and hadn't let him sleep properly since then.

All of the discoveries shocked her beyond belief, so much so that she wanted to go back to Vesuvia right away. After a while of mulling over everything she found out, she decided to focus on helping her best friend.

Luck had seemed to smile upon them, because Eris insisted on tagging along with them. After all, they had to travel across the sea all the way to the Macawi Port.

After even more shocking reveals about Calyx' parents, none of them wanted to know anything more, so at dawn they started back home.

Now, Libelle could focus on the things that she wanted to do most. She learned how to become a professional healer and magician, so she would help people in need. Around that time, her secret powers slowly surfaced as well.

She realized she could move objects with the will of her mind and at night, she would have visions and dreams of the future. After consulting with an expert in healing magic, she discovered that most people have these gifts and adviced her to learn to control them.

Everything was fine in her life until the Red Plague rained upon them and they each made the decision to leave Vesuvia. Well, all except for Eris. She wanted to help the doctors with the dead, confided to Libelle that she'd taught herself necromancy and wanted to reverse their deaths.

Eris had been too stubborn to listen to reason, so they had no choice but to leave her behind. Syro and Morana left for the Southern Spines, while Eris specifically told Libelle and Calyx to go to Venterre and find her brother, Sethos. He would shelter them until the nightmare would be over.

So they did, they took the first boat straight to the west coast of Venterre, where they ran into the young man in question.

When they finished explaining everything to him, he insisted they go back and get her too, but there would have been no use in doing so. His sister would have been way too stubborn to listen to anyone.

Days later, a letter arrived in their mailbox and all three were devastated to find out Eris died from the plague. Libelle and Calyx were sobbing messes and Sethos almost thrashed the room before collapsing too.

They informed the other two through a letter as well, but they figured there would be massive delays because of the distance, so they didn't expect an answer right away.

Suddenly, about 6 days later, Libelle had a dream, of Eris being alive. It had felt so real she woke up in a cold sweat and with tears in her eyes, she went to wake up the other two, shaking them hard.

She couldn't form clear words but Calyx caught onto it right away, and while with shaky hands, Libelle explained that she could sense Eris' aura and presence in the real world.

Although Sethos was very skeptical about it, he would have rather held onto the tiniest string of hope that she was indeed alive than live with the thought of losing his sister a second time.

So they wrote another letter to Syro and Morana and immediately packed their things and headed back to Vesuvia in plain midnight.

True to everything Libelle said and sensed, Eris was alive. How, they didn't know, until they spoke to Asra, one of her older friends and apparently, the one who brought her back. She was shocked to find it involved a deal with the Devil. She'd heard of the sacrifices needed to make such deals.

After about 3 years of total absence, Syro and Morana also arrived in Vesuvia and the shock cycle began again.

Not much later, when Eris got assigned to solve the mystery of Count Lucio's murder and catch his fugitive murderer, everyone offered to do something to help her out.

Though she was shy about it, she could sense that the Countess, Nadia, needed help as well. So Libelle suggested assisting her in whatever Nadia would need.

She didn't expect to catch feelings, but she didn't complain either.

Personality: shy, sensitive, kind-hearted, gentle, imaginitive, creative, generous, loyal, honest, trustworthy, observant, reliable, cheerful, too forgiving and sometimes naive

Interesting facts:

Although it isn't very noticeable, she does have a white lotus tattoo on her left middle finger.

Her wrists are littered with past self-harm scars, which the others love to kiss just to make her feel better about them.

She is very insecure about her body, but she has the others to lift her moods up when she's down.

Has an entire collection of earrings, but her favorites are the peacock feathers.

Even though she wakes up early in the morning, she usually takes a nap in the afternoon.

Her thighs and hips are full of stretch marks.

Has the biggest sweet tooth in the world.

Can play the clarinet, but you would have to really indulge her to get her to sing on it for you.

Appearance: Dark espresso skin tone, neck-length curly chestnut brown hair, dyed periwinkle blue halfway down, jade green eyes, chubby slight hourglass body shape, D cup breasts

Familiar: Lumi, a cute and sweet stoat but a sneaky little thief all the same

Voice claim: Dana Gourrier

Full sprite:

WOOOHOOOO I FINISHED ALL MY MCS' BIOS AND I'M SO HAPPY!!

My girl turned out so damn beautiful too and I'm just hhnnnnn- 😖💜

PLEASE SHOW HER SOME LOVE AS WELL!!! ✨

[raph8sblog]

🔆Dreaming Of You 🔆 Part I.

Love, is surely the most beautiful thing in life, right? When someone loves you back, it can give you wings to fly above the sky and feel yourself as the most lucky person ever, who ever walked on Earth, it’s makes you a better person, when you are loving someone unconditionally. The process of love seems simple, you just have to realise that you like someone, than get close to the chossen one and after a while admit your feelings bravely. But, what if the other half don’t feel the same way like you do? In the worst scenario, it will break you into million pieces but after a while you manage to get through the pain maybe you will write out your heartache or pour the feelings into music and create masterpieces. Then, the worst scenarios can turn out as the best experiences, which gave you great inspirations and motivation to get yourselt together. However, you know yourself enough, to acknowledge that you nor a poet, neither a musician and if someone crush your sensitive heart, you will just cry out your eyes, lose your hope and your remaining self confidence. So, you decided not to tell  anyone about, how you felt. 

Also, your situation were different. You grew up as the ugly duckling next to the beautiful ones. You were the chubby kid since the kindergarden, until the high school. The one, who never talked back, when someone made fun of how many pack of chips you can it daily. Someone, who remained in silence, without a single word. You used to being alone, thanks to all the torments, that you suffered through. But, things changed, when you met with your best friend, Felix. He was the light in your life, who teached you that you are worthy and precious. You shared a lot of good memories together and after a while, of course you started to grew feelings for him. You never had the courage to tell him about it. He was the closest person to your heart, and vice versa, he trusted you wholeheartedly but he was still out of your reach. You convinced yourself that friendship is more than enough for you but life made a cruel decision when you two seperated. He went to Seoul to achive his dreams and shortly after he debuted as the member of Stray Kids, his fame started to rise. Now, even in your hometown a lot of people is listening to their songs, also when you are surfing on the net, you came across with fan pages as well. You always wanted to keep contact with him but after a while it’s became impossible. Or, you thought that, and gave up every hope, until the moment when luck decided to stand on your side again:

You got the intership, what you previously applied for at the university and now you are living in Seoul. After high school your apperance changed a lot, you lost weight and put more effort to your fashion style as well. But, even if you got a compliment your lack of confidence couldn’t change. All the harsh words still remained in your mind. That’s why you always payed extra attention to useless and stupid things, like how many calories you consume daily and when it was too much, you felt yourself extremely guilty. Even, if you looked pretty, your bad social kills made it difficult for you to get to know new people. You were lonely, when you moved to Seoul, you couldn’t talk to anyone at the uni even regardless of the fact that you were excellent from Korean language, thanks to your and your best friend’s effort. So, you tried to keep yourself busy and make money out of your free time and started working at a vinly store. Lucky for you, this is the place, where the miracle happened. One night, you were daydreaming in your shift when a costumer came to the counter: 

- Excuse me, may I ask your opinion about this album? - you looked up, he was wearing baseball cap and a mask, so at first sight you didn’t realize who it was. But, his voice sounded familiar. Then, you looked down at the album and your breath stucked in your chest. It was the Clé:Levanter from Stray Kids. 

- Wow... - you muttered to yourself flustered, when the boy tucked the mask under his chin. No more doubt! It was him! His freckles became visible, even in the dim light of the shop. 

- It’s been such a long time Y/N! You changed so much but of course I recognised you! 

- Am I dreaming? - you asked yourself not quite believing what just happened. 

- How... Did you find me? 

- Silly, I found your insta, you uploaded a photo of the vinly store. I won’t blame you about this, I have to admit it, this place has a good aesthetic vibe. - you looked around at the shop, the walls are decorated with old, colorful album covers. It was vintage and stylish at the same time. 

- So, I came here to visit you! - he realized that you were in deep silence, you couldn’t find the right words, of course you were more than happy but your old emotions started to flood your heart again. 

- Am I bothering you Y/N? 

- No!! I’m just shocked Felix! You are here, with me, in the real life? I can’t believe it! - you relplied quickly. 

- Then, I should help you prove it, that you aren’t dreaming. My schedule is not that busy this week, do you want to meet up? - you eagerly nodded. 

Sometimes, life can be cruel and unfair but other times it can give you the flowers of happiness. That’s how your friendship continued and with no time, you two became unseperable again. Even, with Felix’s busy schedule you guys always managed to find time for each other. Seoul started to feel like home with the most important person on your side but beside the joy you felt yourself pressured by the old, same feeling. Your first and last love for your best friend also grew stronger than before. And you still didn’t have any courage to tell him, to risk your friendship and shatter everyting that you have. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Monday, 9:30″ your lockscreen was so bright that it’s almost made you blind. You slowly opened your eyes, the morning lights escaped through the window’s shatter and they were dancing on the walls. Your first class will start soon, you have to get up but you are way too tired so you decided to spent five more minutes under the sheets. But, your phone buzzed again, you reached out to check who texted to you and all the tiredness disappeared when you saw Felix’s name: 

“Y/N are you up? Please text me back, we need to talk ASAP! I hope your afternoon is free, wait for me at the dorm!” it was strange, Felix never asked you to come to their dorm. Of course you’ve been there a few times before in the past months. You get to know the other members as well, but since you were a little bit shy, you still acted awkward around them. Today is a day off for the band, they can finally rest after the perfomances. So, maybe this is the reason why Felix invite you over, because most of the members are going out to enjoy their free time. Still, it can’t be the only reason, he wants to tell you something and you had no idea what’s troubling him. Nowdays he acted a little bit serious and cold, but you thought the main reason behind that is his busy schedule. 

After the university you straight went to the dorm, you felt yourself uneasy, you was desperate. Maybe, you did something bad, or said something bad? It was always like this, you thought you are the cause of his sadness. You wanted to cheer him up somehow, you even brought his favourite snacks and you hoped that you are worrying for nothing. 

When you arrived, it was already past four at the afternoon but Felix wasn’t at home. Changbin greeted you at the door with a wide smile. You really liked him from the moment Felix introduced you to his band mates, he was always sweet and caring towards you. He treated you like an old friend, so your fears with strangers dissolved when you were with him. 

- Y/N you came right on time! We were watching a boring kdrama with Hyunjin and all the lovey dovey started to feel suffocating for me! - you glanced towards the couch, Hyunjin just waved to you without a word. To be honest, unlike with Changbin, you didn’t really get on well with Hyunjin. You are not sure, why though... You tried to be kind with him, but maybe it’s just the fact, that he was really handsome and popular with girls so he didn’t want to know someone plain and ordinary like you. Okay, it’s seems harsh to think, this is the reason behind his unfriendly actions. But, he was sweet towards his bandmates, you were the only one, who was neglected and ignored by him. 

- Are you sure that I’m not bothering you guys? I can wait for Felix, outside as well! - you said awkwardly. Changbin just grabbed your hand and led you to the couch:

- Sit next to me ~ 

You sat between them and you tried to feel yourself less uncomfortable, the drama, that they have been watching, was truly boring, but it calmed you down a little bit because you were no longer paying attention to your inner thoughts. 

- Hey, Hyunjineee!! You told me to watch this boring shit with you and now you are hanging nonstop on your phone! - you almost dozed off but Changbin’s voice dragged you back to the reality. 

- I’m learning English. I want to improve myself. - he lied without looking up from his screen. 

- Then, you should ask Y/N to help you out, since this is her first language. - you started fidgeting, it wasn’t a good idea, you felt yourself so small and insecure next to him. But, luckily for you, he didn’t required your help as well: 

- Nah, I don’t need help! Y/N’s accent is making dificult for me to uderstand her explanations... - wow, he said that your language skills are not that good, right? Or you just imagining things because he is not that likeable for you? 

- It was a little bit rude to say out loud, I hope you noticed this! - Changbin tried to defend you. 

- I’m just honest and please let me learn in peace. 

- Sure.. Just pretend that you are learning! - the sun was setting, the lights were so beautiful. Orange, red, and dark pink, these shades gathered together on the sky and made the scenery unreal. Hyunjin finally looked up from his phone and quickly he stand up from the couch to take some pictures: 

- Golden Hour! - he sighed dramatically: 

- Should I take some selfies as well? 

- English is no longer interesting? - you just laughed at them quietly and glanced down at your watch:

“6:00″ ....... You started to get worried again, you wanted to ask them where is Felix, but then, your phone is buzzed and a message showed up: 

“Come to the rooftop! I’m still shaking, I can’t go inside now!” 

As fast as you can, you rushed up to the rooftop, where the city below was bathing in the warm lights. Felix was there, waiting for you, he turned around when you arrived, still giggling. He couln’t stop smiling, instead of speaking about why he called you there, he just embraced you. In his arms, your mind went blank, your knees felt weak: 

- Remember, when you told me, that you liked someone so much that you thought you are going crazy from all the emotions? - of course you remembered, you talked about him back then.

- I still feel the same way, everytime I think about him. - you admitted. 

- I think, I know why you felt that way. You were in love, so deeply...Uh... Y/N, I’m just lost in words! - he picked you up and spinned you around, you were confused, why he is acting like that? He is so happy and so strange at the same time, he wasn’t his normal self. And then, you felt like, maybe you got a chance for the first time, maybe he knows without any confession how you feel about him, you collected your courage: 

- Felix... I... Need to tell you something.... Maybe, you are feeling the same way as.... 

- Yes! I’m feeling the same way as you! - he nodded, flashing his beautiful smile at you again. Your heart was beating so fast that you thought you are going to pass out. Here, in his arms, on the rooftopp, it felt like a fairytail, or like a chessy kdrama. 

- But Y/N today, I asked her out and she said yes to me! - exactly, then, your heart really stopped beating for a moment...... He wasn’t talking about you.... 

- What..... ? - you asked weakly. 

- I didn’t tell you yet! She is a really famous idol now at the entertaiment and I thought she would never talk to me, since I’m just a beginner next to her! - you felt a strange sensation is your stomach and your chest, it was a terrible feeling, which almost made you cry. 

- I have to ask you this Y/N, this is a secret between us! I don’t want anyone to know about us, please cover me! Can you tell the boys tomorrow that you are with me, when they ask you why I skipped the practise? - you just nodded, shocked and defeated, Felix embraced again and whispered to your ear: 

- Isn’t it wonderful Y/N? 

- Yes.... It’s truly wonderful, I’m  so happy for you Felix. - you replied, while a teardrop started to make its way down your cheek. 

Hiiii Guys this is my first fic! So I kinda have this idea in my mind for a while, and I thought I might share it with you! Should I continue? 💓

[thorscock-y]

Worthy

Pairings: Thor x reader

Request: Can you do an imagine where the reader is worthy enough to hold Thor’s hammer and can you add a little bit of plot and hopefully some smut too? Thanks, xoxo

Warnings: Smut, Oral, (Male receiving), NSFW, 18+, Slight swearing, Tony being annoying 

Authors Note: Yay, I love that you guys are sending in requests again, love, love, love and I thought this idea was super cute, hope you like! 

Masterlist

“More time, we need more activeness, we need more of people just being there and doing the deed.” With almost every word that ended before a period, Tony banged his fist against the marble table, causing me to jump in surprise. Only some of the team took notice of my jump but even some of them looking at me had me wanting to shrink into my chair.

We are all in the middle of a business meeting, randomly called by my boss, Mr. Stark. After they had arrived from a mission, he had said something about “Having to put all of the avengers in their place” and now here we are sitting in a rarely used business room while he is yelling at all of them. From what I can see, they’re not even remotely taking him seriously. Luckily my job as Mr. Stark’s assistant was to just come along and if he happened to ask me of something then I was to do it.

“Tony, you’re not exactly Mr. Perfect when it comes to these missions either.” Steve says, annoyance evident his voice.

Tony snaps his fingers at him, and that’s how I know that another fight between the two of them was about to begin. I swear they are like brothers who constantly have dick to dick antics. Steve would say something then Tony would get mad or Tony would say something then Steve would get mad. It seemed to be a never ending cycle between the two.

“Oh, and of course Steve, the amazing, handsome, blue eyed, beautiful faced Rogers would know everything there is to know. Forgive me if I’m wrong on this but not everything about you is as peachy keen as you think and,” Tony shoves his hands in his pockets walking over to Steve. “I’m not gonna sit behind and let you-“

“Okay, can you humans for once stop being so petty?” Thor intrudes. I suddenly block out the rest of the conversation and go once again into my erotic daydream like I do every time Thor speaks.

Oh gosh, my lady parts melt at the sound of his voice. So deep, so masculine and husky. All three combined sounds heavenly coming from Thor’s voice. Just imagine the sound of his voice moaning my name as he comes in my-

“Y/N,” The sound of my name scatters my thoughts and I snap out of my trance. I look up at Tony to see he’s looking at me.

“Yes, Mr. Stark.” I reply.

“Schedule my jet to depart around seven tonight, I’m taking Pepper and I to the Bahamas.” He looks away from me and his eyes seemed to have landed on Steve. “I need a break from this.”

Without further a due, I began planning a trip for the two to leave to the Bahamas on the special Stark product pad he had provided me with. 

“Gosh, Tony, don’t be so dramatic.” Natasha says. “But if you’re willing I’ll be delighted to go with you guys on this trip, I sort of could use a get away too.”

Tony chuckles, a smile on his face. “Yeah…………no. Meeting over. Y/N, make sure to schedule that jet and clean up all these papers and file them.” He motions his hand to the clutter of papers on the table that were in front of his seat.

He doesn’t give me time to reply as he theatrically walks out of the room, putting his sunglasses on, though I don’t know why he would need them if he’s inside and it’s close to noon so there’s not really any sun shining. Tony Stark, being Tony Stark.

“He’s such a baby, I swear.” I hear Bucky say and then that is the start of them all talking about how much of a five year old Tony is. Of course they’re all friends with him and care for him but from time to time he does tend to become a bit of a brute. When Pepper said she wasn’t sure I could handle him, she wasn’t kidding.

I stand up and began to collect the papers as instructed to, the team has begun to get up and leave now, still talking about Tony. I laugh a little to myself at some of the things they’re saying, Sam mainly being the one causing me to laugh. I wish I could laugh with them but I don’t know them and was too shy to speak up.

It wasn’t my job to become friends with the avengers; it’s my job to do what Mr. Stark forgets to do for the company. Also casual things he instructs me to do like get him coffee, pick him up burgers, buy Pepper a surprise cake and pretend that it’s from him so they can make up from their fights and be happy, yeah just stuff like that. Nevertheless I wouldn’t mind becoming friends with them.

As I’m picking up the papers, I feel as though someone is still in here. I thought I heard the door close, meaning they had all gone and left but I’m wrong. When I look back,Thor is sitting there, sipping on some wine, most likely Asgardian wine, the only type he drinks. Not that I stalk him, I’m just very observant.

I’ve never been in a room alone with him before so I try to keep my cool and pretend like he isn’t affecting me. When I look over at him again, he’s looking at me and our eyes lock. This is the first time he’s looked at me when I looked at him. In embarrassment I quickly look away, back down at my task. In the process I drop all of the papers on the floor. Damn my clumsy habits. I sigh and get down on my knees to pick the papers up, feeling silly. He probably sees me as just an uncoordinated weird assistant.

I would think he would just walk out after that, laughing to himself. I’m wrong. I hear his footsteps walk over to me and then he crouches down, picking up papers as well. My heartbeat has picked up immensely that I feel as if he would be able to hear it.

“I don’t believe we’ve met,” I hear him say; his voice sounds more godly up close that a shudder goes down my spine. I look up at him and once again our eyes are looking into each other’s. “I’m Thor.” He holds a hand out to me, the other holding papers.

I stop collecting papers and shake his warm large hand. It’s crazy that he’s introducing himself to me as if I don’t know who he is. Everyone does, the whole world does. I mean he’s an avenger. I don’t say that though.

“I already know your name, Y/N, is it?” He asks, raising his eyebrows.

“Um, yes.” I reply shyly, my voice kind of shallow.

“Ahhh, pretty name for pretty girl.”

I blush at his words and look down smiling. Did he really just call me pretty? Oh my gosh, I would’ve never imagined Thor to say that to me nor even notice me.

“Thank you,” I look back into his beautiful blue eyes then realize we’re still holding hands. Nervously, I let go and continue gathering the papers. “And uh, thank you for helping me pick up these papers, I’m sort of a clutz.”

“It’s no trouble, love. We all happen to make mistakes here and there.” I glance up at him to see he’s already looking at me. This time I don’t drop the papers. I grip them tightly in my hand, scared that if I didn’t they’d fall right out and I’d have to endure, yet another embarrassing incident.

“Yeah,” I say. Since all of the papers are now off of the floor, Thor stands up and then reaches his hand down for me to take it. I look up at him and smile while taking his hand in mine and he hoists me up. I’m met with my nose to his chest. He is much taller than me, wow.

“I guess you shall take these.” He hands the papers to me.

“Right.” I take the papers from him. “Thanks, once again for helping me with that. You really didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to. You’re so quiet; I thought you would want someone to talk to other than the puny Tony,”

I laugh at that.

“It is nice to talk to someone else; this job does get kind of lonely at times.” I confess. Ever since I’ve got this job the only person I talk to is Tony, and sometimes Pepper seeing as though she is his soon to be wife. Other than the two of them that’s about it. Everyone else was simple formalities.  

“Well I would be happy to be the one that breaks the lonely state you are currently in.”

Is he about to ask me out? Excitement consumes me all at once and I feel like a girl in high school waiting to be asked out by the captain of the football team. Only I am being asked out by the God of Thunder. A God.

“By all means, I’m up for anything.” I hope I don’t sound desperate as I say this but I probably do. Great. He sees me as desperate, awkward and clumsy. What a perfect combination.

He wraps an arm around my waist, pulling me to him. I gasp at the sudden action, surprised that he would do such a thing. His kind gentle manner seems to have changed in just the split of a second.

He leans his head down so I feel the warmth of his body on mine, his lips on my ear. From the smallest touch, my panties slightly become moist.

“Meet me in the common room, tonight.” He whispers, gently, his voice still having that deep tone. I close my eyes leaning more into him, not wanting him to let go of me. “Your loneliness will come to an end, I assure you.” And with that I feel a chaste kiss placed against my ear, leaving me with want for more.

He pulls away so we are now face to face. He has a smirk on his face and I feel as if he knows that I want him badly, that I sit in my room at night, pleasuring myself feeling as though it is him pleasuring me. That I’ve had the biggest crush on him since I saw him months ago.

Tony had wanted me to inform Thor that he was needed for an important mission specifically only for him. So when I had went down there in search of him, I had walked in on him showering in the gym showers. It was foolish of me to not see that it was clearly a bathroom with showers for men. I just have never been in the gym so I wasn’t familiar with the area, still that’s no excuse for my clueless behavior. Yet it was worth it. 

Luckily he hadn’t noticed me standing there because I backed away and just watched like a weirdo. I couldn’t help it. What woman in their right mine would have walked away from watching him shower? 

Seeing the water run down his broad muscular shoulders, and hot lean abs. Chest up is all I could see but it was enough.

It wasn’t only his physique that had me in awe, it’s just the way he spoke about how he fought in battle and how mature he was about certain things. Most of the time. 

“Okay.” I say, nervously. He laughs at my nervousness then pulls away, so our bodies are no longer touching but then his hand finds mine and he brings my hand to his lips placing a kiss on it. I watch him then bite my lip.

We look into each other’s eye one more time before he walks away, out of the business room. I am left confused, lost, and turned the hell on. Confused at the fact that he has made such a move on me, lost because I’m not sure if I should meet him. I don’t want to be just a pointless fuck to him and be left, used. I’ve met and dealt with assholes like that and quite frankly they’re not fun to deal with nor is the feeling of being used. And yes, I am aroused like crazy. Perhaps it has something to do with him being a God that makes me putty in his arms.

Still in a daze from what happened, I go to exit from the room because I still have work to do but then my eyes flicker to something shiny on the floor. I widen my eyes when I get a good look and see that its Thor’s hammer thingy that he uses to fight. I always see him walking with it which I found odd but I never questioned it.

I should probably return it to him so I go and pick it up knowing it is going to be heavy. When I pick it up, I suddenly feel powerful. It’s an odd feeling that I can’t even describe, I just feel strong. Like I can demolish a tank with just my bare hands. Oh my gosh, I’ve never felt this before. What is it about this hammer that has me feeling like fucking Wonder Woman? Honestly it makes me think I can kick somebody’s ass.

“What the hell,” I mutter. I examine the hammer as if staring at it will give me answers as to why I feel heavily built. Is this what Thor feels when he holds it in battle because if so I can see why he’s won so many fights.

While walking towards his room to give him his hammer, agents in the building stop, looking at me with wide eyes. I see Sam and Natasha walking the halls together and they stop, shocked looks spread across their faces. Exactly like everyone else. 

What’s going on? Is there something on my face? Is my hair messed up? I wipe my face to feel if there is food or just some type of substance but don’t feel anything. I look down at my black work dress, patting it down even though nothing appears to be wrong with it.

I pass by Steve and Bucky, and they do the same as everyone else. Eyes wide, mouths wide open, looking completely bewildered. Their looks were actually beginning to make me think that something was sincerely wrong with me.

Whatever it was, I couldn’t let Thor see it. As I was about to make a pit stop to the bathroom to check my face, I hear my name being called.

“Y/N?”

I groan to myself. Just by the voice I can tell it’s Thor. So I turn around and just like I expected his face is filled with shock just like everyone else. Ignoring his look I hold out his hammer for him, the powerful feeling still inside of me.

“You forgot your hammer; I just thought I’d bring it to you.” I say.

He slowly looks from me to the hammer then back at me.

“Or…………should I have just left it?”

“No, no, no, wait,” He walks closer to me, so he’s once again towering over me. “How are you, there is no way, how in the-“ Thor looked like he had seen a ghost right in front of his eyes. 

“What? What’s wrong?” I still have the hammer in my hand, the power still overcoming me.

“Let me see that.” He takes the hammer from my hand then looks at it like I was doing. What was it with this damn hammer?

“Okay what is it?” I’m starting to get fed up with not knowing what’s going on.

“Here, hold Mjolnir again,”

“You named your hammer, Mjolnir?” I ask then chuckle while taking the hammer in my hand. There it is again, that powerful will.

“Yeah, something like that.” His eyes trail over my hand that’s holding his precious Mjolnir. Oh so that’s it? Everyone’s shocked that I can hold his hammer. I may not look like I can fight but I’m sort of strong. Kind of. In a way, anyway if that’s the case then that is just ridiculous. “It’s just that no one and I mean no one is able to hold my hammer, no one has ever been worthy enough. Only those who are worthy shall have the ability to,” his hands curl around mine, the one that is holding the hammer that is. “possess such strength.”

“Okay, um,” I kind of laugh not sure what to think of all of this. “so I’m worthy enough to hold your hammer thingie? Me?”

I’m in great disbelief that me, a woman who has never had much value to life, can be worthy enough to hold the God of Thunder’s hammer. Sure I’m kind and genuinely care for people but that makes me worthy? Whoa. 

“Believe me I am as shocked as you are, love, though I have to admit it turns me on and my feelings and attraction for you have only increased more.” 

What? He’s had feelings for me? And thinks I’m attractive?

“You’re attracted to me and have feelings for me?” My voice is a whisper. 

“Yes,” he wraps his hands around my hips, pulling me to him, roughly. Wow, he’s aggressive and I love it. “And I’m afraid I won’t be able to hold back not much longer.” 

In a blink of an eye his lips are on mine, in a hungry long awaited kiss. I don’t even think as I kiss him back, loving the taste of a man. Not just a man, this man. I’ve been longing for this. I wrap my hands around his neck, Mjolnir still in my hands. 

He chuckles into the kiss then pulls away. 

“What?” I ask, a bit breathless from the kiss. 

“As much as I would like to continue this, I want to take you on a date first, get to know you.” He leaned down, cupping my face in his hands. “I meant it when I said your lonely days would be over.”

And he was telling the truth. The two of us went on many dates together, most of them took place in the common room away from everyone else or on the roof where we would set up food and blankets and talk about each other and sometimes he would show me his power by making lightning occur.

 I’ve never been as comfortable with someone as I am with Thor. Believe it or not I was falling head over heels in love with him. He was a gentlemen, different from the men I had been involved with who would just want one thing with no relationship. I could tell he felt the same about me. 

He also loved when I could summon Mjolnir to me. He didn’t think I could bring it to me with just holding my hand out like he could but I can. And let me say, it’s fucking amazing. 

One night we were in his room, late at night. He had just came back from a mission that he was gone all day for and I really missed him. He missed me too. When he had came back, I was waiting in front of the Quinjet like I usually do because Tony always wants me to get him a burger and Thor had picked me up and spun me around, kissing my cheeks. And he did it in front of the whole team. 

They hadn’t known about us so they were pretty much surprised but just added snarky comments with laughter. 

 Right now Thor was lying down, shirtless, just in a pair of gym shorts and since he seemed so exhausted I decided I’d ease him up a bit. 

“Hey babe,” I say standing at the foot of the bed. He opened his eyes from “resting” as he called it, and when he saw me his eyes widened like the day he saw me holding Mjolnir. 

I was only dressed in my black Calvin Klein panties with nothing else. Just that. 

“What’s this?” He asked, eyes scanning over every inch of my body. 

“Just want you to relax, okay?” I crawl on the bed, not breaking eye contact with him. His breathing has increased, I can tell. He looks so hot like this. Fuck, I wouldn’t mind just skipping all the foreplay and getting right to it. I don’t though, I know this will be fun

When I am met with his face, I kiss him slowly and passionately. I feel his hand come up and hold my cheek, the other planted on my throat. He pulls me closer to him, the kiss becoming more heated and deeper. Teasingly I pull away then peck his lips before planting kisses on his neck, moving all the way down his abs, kissing and licking each one. His muscles tense underneath my touch as I continue on, further until my lips are on his clothed cock. 

I avert my eyes to him, a playful smirk on my lips.

“Please don’t tease, love.” He says in an almost begging manner. 

“Mmmm,” Eagerly, I pull on the strings of his gym shorts and pull them past his hips. He lifts up, so I can pull them down so they’re completely off of his body.

He was so hard and in saying that he was so huge. The two of us hadn’t done anything beneath the clothes. Occasionally he would slap my ass sneakily, or I would grab his cock when no one was looking but other than that we weren’t getting down and physical. Now, it’s time to change that. 

Not wanting to wait anymore, I pull the waistband of his briefs down his body, letting his cock sprang free. My gosh, it was so big, veiny with a red shiny tip leaking with pre-come.  So perfect, I mean what did I except? He’s a God. 

I place a wet kiss on the tip and I hear him groan. I smirk to myself then get on with it, deciding I can’t help myself anymore. As much as I’m enjoying this teasing, I’ve been waiting for this moment for what seems like forever. I place another kiss before licking up his shaft then putting my whole mouth around his warm cock. I bop my head up and down, stroking what I cannot fit in my mouth. 

He’s so huge, I should’ve known all of it wouldn't be able to fit. 

“Oh, lord.” He mutters. 

I hollow out my cheeks, moaning around his cock as I take him deeper into my mouth. Glancing up at him through my lashes, the sight of him has wetness pooling at my core. His eyes are closed, head leaned back, eyebrows furrowed. I love pleasuring him. 

After a few minutes, he catches me by surprise as he grabs me, yanking me away from his cock. 

“As much, as I enjoy your pretty mouth around my cock, I can’t wait any longer.” He says, his tone deep and dark, no longer the sweet Thor. 

He flips us over so he is on top of me and grinds his body on top of mine, his crotch rubbing on my wet pussy. His arms were on either side of my head so he could support his weight off of me and he leaned down, capturing my lips in a hungry, impatient kiss. In the process, his hand comes and grips the band of my panties, tugging on them. Without breaking the kiss I lift up my hips so he can pull them off. And he’s fast with it for they are off my body in a millisecond. 

He spreads my legs wide then flicks his dick over my clit, him now being the one teasing me. A huge ting of nerves is set on all through my body, and I bite my lip, moving my hips against his cock, trying to feel him. 

“Naughty are we?” He asks, smirking down at me. “The little quiet assistant. Who would’ve imagined you’d be this dirty?”

I slightly blush at his words and as I’m about to speak he he enters me without any warning. I moan out, feeling more stretched than I had felt before. Thor growls lowly, his face contort with pleasure. He pulled his hips back slowly, then is inside of me once again and then he doesn’t stop. 

He leans down, entwining our finger and moving his head in the crook of my neck, placing kisses. I move my other hand to his back holding onto him, my moans still following from the immaculate pleasure that he’s bringing me. 

No man, and I mean no other man has ever fucked me this good, this thoroughly. They were so quick to get away from me after they had gotten what they wanted, but with the way Thor was holding me, it was as if he never wanted to let go. 

I pressed a kiss to his shoulder, lovingly. His thrusts are hard and rough yet the passion is still there. The sounds of our skin, my moans, the ragged breathing, it all made the moment even more hot and sensual. 

“You’re so beautiful, so perfect.” he whispers, huskily into my ear. I moan in response and he places kisses in the crook of my neck as his thrusts go on. 

His tip brushes against my G-spot and my hips jerk up in response. 

“Right there, baby,” I whimper out, throwing my head back. Now he’s going to have me come in a matter of minutes, that’s also something no man has ever done. 

He groaned and began to pick up speed, hitting me deeper, the feeling of him right on my g spot, stimulating me. I moaned, closing my eyes, the pleasure consuming every inch of my body. My stomach was beginning to form into a tight knot, my walls were tightening his cock. So quickly, I was coming so quickly that I didn’t even have time to let him know. I arched into him, throwing my head back, moaning very loudly so it rang off the walls. My wetness coated his shaft as he still continued to fuck me very hard, rocking my body forward. 

It’s a while until I feel Thor’s warm juices, spurring inside of me, milking me with a shout. He kisses my neck before coming face to face with me and kissing my lips while riding out our highs. I softly moan, my vagina a bit sensitive from still coming undone. 

He pulls out of me then rolls over to the side of me, our post best sex ever bliss evident on our faces. We’re both panting and I only realize it until now that I am sweating. And when I look over so is Thor.

I grin. “Wow, that was amazing.” I scoot over to him and lay my head on his shoulder. I can’t resist it so I put a finger on his abs, twirling it around. 

He chuckles and I feel his hand stroking my hair. “Well it was me, love. You shouldn’t have expected any less?” He pecks the top of my head. 

I roll my eyes at his cockinness. “Gosh, you’re so cocky, don’t make me get Mjolnir to hit the arrogance out of you.” I joke then giggle. 

“Oh, so you’re going to take advantage of your worthiness now?” 

“Maybe.” 

“Well,” he sits up and moves in front of me so I can now see his face. “Before you do that, you think you have one more in you?”

Before I can ask what he means, he kisses my neck, then my chest, then my breast and continues to move further down. I close my eyes and lean my head back as I feel his face in between my legs.

“Sure, I think I have one more.” I say preparing myself for another mind blowing orgasm.