#he was the only one who made zero effort with the fans

[sometimesanalice]

Are You Gonna Be My Girl?

Summary: It’s been a couple of months since the two of you have started hooking up, and it’s no secret that Rooster is hung up on you. He takes the gamble and invites you to the yearly Halloween bash at the Hard Deck. The only problem is he can’t figure out what the hell you’re supposed to be. 

Pairing: Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw x Female Reader

Length: 6.2K

Warnings: allusions to smut and Rooster being a simp (but what else is new 😂) (mdni)

The Black Keys’ “Howlin’ for You” playing loudly over the static-y speakers of the Hard Deck masking the sound of Rooster’s fingers as he impatiently drums them on top of the worn table, uncaring of the fact he’s out of tempo with the song.

Penny’s yearly Halloween Spooktacular has always been a fan favorite with those stationed at North Island. A name that Amelia had thrown shade at no less than five times as she worked on designing the event flier the afternoon that the Daggers had been bribed with free beers for coming in on their free time to help decorate.

There wasn’t an inch of the bar that was left untouched, and it wasn’t just that Bob had gotten carried away with the downy spider webbing. There were orange and purple string lights threaded around the circular mug racks, floating candles over the pool table, dangling bats and streamers, and an enthusiastic but poorly executed attempt at a balloon arch over the entry door.

The wispy fog covered punchbowl with a suspicious dark purple beverage bubbled away on the bartop, tendrils cascaded over the side only adding to the atmosphere. The stuff was so potent that Bradley was pretty sure it would put the jungle juice he’d thrown back in college to shame.

Rooster had been tasked with curating the playlist for tonight’s party, and if he’d been paying even a little bit of attention, he’d have known his choices were being well received by the boisterous crowd. But his attention is half split trying to listen to Hangman’s story about the Halloween prank gone wrong that left him with twelve stitches and half listening for-

Ding

He’s quick on the draw to pull out his phone from the chest pocket to check if it was his that went off.

When he’d arrived Nat, decked out in a sequined pink gown with a gun he wasn’t sure was fake or not strapped to her thigh for her Miss Congeniality costume, had given him a look of disdain and said what he was wearing was low effort even for him.

Rooster tucks his phone away with a disappointed sigh when there are zero new notifications on his lock screen.

“Don’t think I’ve ever seen you so whipped over a girl before, Bradshaw,” Hangman drawls, leaning into the gunslinging cowboy thing he has going on for the evening. His shirt is unbuttoned more than is strictly necessary, and is complete with a belt buckle that is larger than the state of Texas and too heavy looking to have been bought off Amazon.

Ding

Bradley fishes out his phone again from the pocket he’d put it back in only moments earlier.

You, 10:32pm: “u up?”

He grins.

“And we’ve lost him,” someone snarks, but he’s too busy punching in the password to unlock his phone to care.

Bradley Bradshaw, 10:32pm: are you ever going to let that go?

You, 10:32pm: Mmm, no. You were so bad at being a fuckboy, it was funny.

You, 10:33pm: But in a very hot way, might I add. And clearly, it worked in your favor since I let you come over and hit it a second time.

Rooster snorts in amusement.

It was the first and last time he’d taken Fanboy’s advice and you teased him about it every opportunity you got. He had been a little rusty with the ins and outs of no-strings-attached sex with someone who wasn’t in the Navy. But he’d more than made up for it that same night by eating you out until your legs were shaking and you were weakly pushing his head away as he’d coaxed you into coming just one more time against his tongue.

Bradley Bradshaw, 10:33pm: don’t remember hearing you laughing last night when your pussy was dripping all over my cock

He takes a sip of beer as he waits for your response.

You, 10:33pm: Look! You’re already so much better at sexting than you were when we met!

You, 10:34pm: “u up?” is still on the table, by the way. Not to brag, but I even have a pumpkin shaped pizza. 

You, 10:34pm: If you want to come over. 

If you want to come over. He shakes his head reading the text again.

As if he’d ever pass up on getting to spend time with you.

As if Rooster hadn’t been hooked on you since the moment he’d met you.

𝗧𝗪𝗢 𝗠𝗢𝗡𝗧𝗛𝗦 𝗔𝗚𝗢

As a general rule, Bradley hated grocery shopping.

He’s never had the patience for it, with the way that everyone is in their own world. He gets tired of always having to weave around people and the way that there always seems to be carelessly parked carts or people catching up standing between him and the items on his list.

Which is why when he noticed the parking lot was mostly empty on his way home, he decided to stop and spare himself the headache of doing it over the weekend when everyone else was out and just get it done.

He’d expected to be in and out in record time until the uniform lines of colorful cartons of ice cream caught his attention as he was tossing in a few bags of frozen chicken into his cart. Normally it was always so crowded that he never felt like he could take his time looking without being in someone’s way, that he’d skip it entirely and later try to convince himself that his Greek yogurt was just as good. But tonight since no one was around, he was taking his time.

Under the glare of the fluorescents, he stands there with the hum of the freezers competing with the too-twangy-for-his-taste country song playing over the speakers and debating his options when he feels an arm thread around his own, surprising him out of the pros and cons list he was making in his head between the healthier low-calorie choice versus the one he actually wanted.

“Hi, hello there.” Bradley glances over to see the prettiest pair of eyes looking up at him expectantly. “Do you mind playing along for a few minutes, there’s some creep who keeps trying to bother me.”

He looks over the top of your head to see some guy lingering at the end of the aisle. “The guy who looks like off-brand John Mayer?”

You scrunch your nose up. “That’d be the one.”

“How good are you at picking out ice cream flavors?” he asks, standing up straighter and pulling his shoulders back.

You blink at him in confusion before your lips tick up in a relieved smile. “Very good, as a matter of fact.”

“Great, you came to my rescue just in time.” Bradley guides you closer until you’re in front of him, lightly resting a hand on your hip the way he would if you were his girlfriend. “Is this ok?” he asks under his breath, only loud enough for you to hear.

When you nod, he feels the knot in his chest loosen. Because while he wants this to be convincing to the guy still loitering at the edge of the aisle, he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable.

“First things first, we need to establish a baseline.” You point at the carton covered in cartoony looking chocolate chip cookies. “What’s your opinion on cookie dough?”

“Overrated,” he answers, not missing a beat. “I’d rather just eat the stuff out of a tube instead.”

You lean back into him a bit more. “Ooh, tough crowd,” you tease, your head finding his shoulder. “Ok then, mister tempting-fate-with-salmonella, what’s your stance on the great vanilla bean vs French vanilla debate?”

Bradley takes a quick look around to make sure they’re not blocking any other late night grocery shoppers. He pretends to ponder for a moment before responding, “I like the one with flecks.”

“A dignified choice.” You say it so solemnly that he can’t help but chuckle.

The easy back and forth banter goes on for a few more minutes. Sometimes you rib him about his answers and other times agree. It shouldn’t be so fun standing there in front of the cooler filled with tubs of ice cream, but it is. It was the last thing he could have expected when he’d decided to stop in at the last minute on his way home after hitting up the Hard Deck.

When he tells you the two choices he had been contemplating before you’d come up to him, you hum contemplatively and tap a finger against your cheek, “Well this changes everything if you’re dairy free.”

“Nah, just watching my figure. The containers are smaller and I have a sweet tooth.”

“Respectfully, I don’t think that’s something you need to worry about. You fill out those khakis just fine, if you don’t mind me saying.”

“I don’t mind at all.” Rooster wonders if you can hear his self-satisfied grin. “Not every day I get a pretty girl telling me she was checking out my ass.”

You let out a small, amused scoff and all he feels is pleased with himself.

“I was not checking out your- oh.” The surprise in your voice has him leaning back enough to get a look at your face. “Wait, is he gone?” You peer around his shoulder, but don’t make a move to pull away from the gentle hold he has on you.

“He left around the time you were giving a very impassioned speech about how overlooked spumoni is. I probably should have mentioned it sooner, but you were making a pretty compelling case and I didn’t want to interrupt,” he says, trying to play it off casually and hoping that he didn’t just become the creep in this story when you tell it to your friends later.

“Oh, ok. That’s, um, that’s good.” You sound almost… disappointed? You take a step towards the case and he drops his arm back down to his side, already missing the feel of you under it. “Thank you so much for committing to the bit. Seriously, I truly appreciate it,” you say over your shoulder, opening the glass door.

He rubs the back of his neck, watching as you grab a carton out of the freezer, not sure whether to move on with the rest of his shopping or not. But when you turn back towards him, he’s hit with the full force of your smile, feeling it all the way to his toes.

“Rocky Road,” you say, setting the carton into his cart. “It has peanuts in it, which is a nutrient-dense food and an excellent plant-based source of protein. There’s collagen from the gelatin in the marshmallows. And chocolate has antioxidants in it and is known to trigger the holy trinity of happy brain chemicals. It’s basically a superfood.”

Rooster grins. “I don’t think it works like that.”

“No, unfortunately, it really doesn’t,” you agree, playfully leaning a hip against his cart. “But it’s more fun this way, don’t you think?”

He’s so fucking charmed by you and he doesn’t even know your name yet.

While he’s glad he was there at the right time and got to play a small part in deterring that guy from continuing to hassle you, he kind of wishes the two of you could have met under different circumstances, because he’d jump at the chance of being able to score a date with you. He sighs and shakes the thought out of his head.

“Would you like me to walk you to your car?” Rooster offers, ready to abandon his groceries for a few extra minutes with you.

“Oh wow.” That mischievous gleam that had been in your eyes changes to something softer. You tilt your head, taking him in with a thoughtful expression on your face. “You’re one of those rare genuinely a gentleman types, aren’t you? Like the kind who always walks closest to the curb and mows their elderly neighbor’s yard without being asked.” Bradley just lifts a shoulder. He’s used to looking out for other people, it’s just something he’s always done. “And they say chivalry is dead,” you muse, contemplatively, “I should let you know though, knock-off John Mayer is my ex.”

He feels his hackles rise up immediately and scans the area again to double check the guy isn’t still hanging around. “Is he harassing you?”

“Oh no, it was only an unfortunate fluke, I promise,” you say, patting his hand that’s gripping the handle of the shopping cart reassuringly. “He’s just a jackass who thought he could cheat on me and that I’d still take him back.” Bradley grunts at that, even more irritated than he was before. “But he was still trying to test the waters, even after I told him I was seeing someone,” you continue, with a roll of your eyes, “Which was technically true- even if I am in fact single right now- because that’s when I saw you over here gazing very intensely into the freezer case like you’d been personally victimized by Ben and Jerry.”

“You’re out of his league anyways,” he rasps. 

There’s no way in hell Bradley would fumble a girl like you.

You grin widely, clearly amused at his annoyance on your behalf. “He was a tool with an overinflated ego and a flat ass.” Rooster barks out a surprised laugh. “And you’re so much hotter than him, so I really lucked out there with you as my knight in ironed  khakis,” you say unabashedly, reaching out to straighten out his already perfectly straight name tag. “You really went above and beyond for your country there helping me win the break up.”

“I don’t think you needed me for that part. It’s pretty clear you came out on top.” His eyes dart down to your hand on the cart, like you forgot it was still resting on top of his. “But I was more than happy to help all the same.” He takes a half step closer into your space, deciding just to go for it. “I’m thinking we should keep up the ruse though, you know, just in case he is lurking by the pasta or something.”

You quirk a knowing eyebrow at him. “Is that so?”

“I could also use your professional opinion on cereal. That is if you still have some more shopping to do,” he suggests, nodding to your mostly empty handbasket.

There’s no question that he’s caught your interest, not with the way you’re looking at him. That smile you’re wearing tells a story of its own. “What a coincidence, that just happens to be my forte.”

“I had a feeling you might be the right girl for the job.” Bradley takes your basket from you and sets it in his cart and gestures for you to lead the way.

He learns your name around the same time he does about your hottake on Frosted Cheerios.

And later that night, his groceries are packed away in your fridge as the container of Rocky Road the two of you were sharing melts on your coffee table- the condensation puddling on the marble surface reflecting the credits rolling across the TV screen- as you ride him on your couch. Your hands tightly fisted in his hair and your breathy whines in his ear urging him to fuck you harder and faster until you come with his name in your mouth.

And in the morning, he gets your number over a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

The two of you have been fooling around for a couple of months now.

On the nights Rooster wasn’t fucking you, he was getting himself off to the thought of you and wishing you were in bed with him. You’ve never been to his place, so he doesn’t even have the bonus of that bright citrus scent of you lingering on his sheets on the nights he spends alone.

The sex was great. Mind-blowing. You were loud and enthusiastic and gave just as good as you got. Bradley found your confidence sexy as hell. You were the type of girl who knew exactly what she wanted and he was always up for the challenge of finding new ways to make your back arch and toes curl.

But he was just as much of a fan of the parts that came before and after getting you spasming around his cock.

He liked the way your mind worked. You were always telling him about something interesting you’d read, because you were naturally curious about the world around you. You asked him thoughtful questions about his job and his life in the Navy, but not in the way he was used to from the tag chasers that frequented the Hard Deck. There was no mistaking you were asking because you wanted to know more about him, and not fixated on the shiny sheen of his golden aviator wings.

Rooster has never laughed as much as he has with you. In those moments between catching your sighs with his mouth and waiting for the knock on the door for whatever late-night craving was being delivered, you’d have him laughing and grinning until his cheeks ached.

The closest he’s ever gotten to taking you on a proper date was that one late night drive-thru run when everything on delivery apps were closed. You’d looked like his favorite daydream sitting there under the glow of the streetlamp in the nearly empty parking lot in a shirt of his that he must have accidently left behind after a hook up.

That night was the most real it’s ever felt. And he wanted more nights just like that.

He liked the way you always seemed to have a documentary to recommend for any given topic, he has a list on his phone and has been working his way through them. He liked the way the glasses you wore sometimes seemed slightly too big for your face because it was cute the way you’d constantly push them back up your nose. He liked that you texted in full sentences with complete and proper punctuation.

Bradley could already imagine how tonight would most likely go.

He’d dip out of the party early and come to your place. Your tongue in his mouth and your greedy little hand tugging to get his belt undone before he’d even made it through the door. The two of you going at it until someone has to tap out- which he is smug in the fact that more often than not it’s usually you- now that he knows all the best ways to pull orgasm after orgasm out of you. Sometimes the two of you order in, and other nights you’ll pass a bowl of ice cream or cereal back and forth over the island in your kitchen where he gets to hear you laugh and tease him and tell him about your day. Then do it all over again and once you’re thoroughly spent, he’ll hold you as you fall asleep. And then in the morning he’ll press a kiss to your cheek and take one more look back at you before leaving through the same door he’d shown up at only hours before.

And that was fine for now, but he wanted more of you. He didn’t want to be just a casual hook up, he wanted to date you.

He wanted to be soft launched and hard launched, or whatever it was that Mickey was talking about that night he’d taken his misguided advice and sent the much teased “u up?” text. He wanted to block people in the chip aisle of the grocery store as you talked him into getting some crazy flavor, turning his least favorite chore into the highlight of his week. He wanted knockoff John Mayer to see he got the girl and knew how to treat her right.

He wanted you to be his girl.

“Aren’t you too old to be in a situationship, Bradshaw?” Jake asks, interrupting his thoughts.

“Fuck off,” Rooster grumbles, his eyebrows furrowed and his thumbs still hovering over the screen. A couple minutes have ticked by since your last text as he sits there stewing. He knocks back the remainder of his beer, it’s mostly foam, “I think I’m gonna head out.”

“No, you’re not. Bob hasn’t even performed the dance routine to “Thriller” yet,” Nat says, pinning him to his stool with a look, “Come on, Bradley, just invite her here.” She reaches overs and squeezes his shoulder. “You’ve been seeing her for a couple months now. You’re clearly into her, and you wouldn’t disappear on us as much as you do if she wasn’t into you too. This is a low stakes environment with everything going on and people off having fun doing their own thing. And the two of you can still go and do whatever you’re going to do after.”

“I don’t know, Phoenix, she might dump him when she sees what he’s wearing at a Navy bar on Halloween,” Hangman drawls, unhelpfully, grinning around that damn toothpick.

“Shut it, Bagman,” they both say simultaneously.

“Just throw it out there and see what she says.” Nat slides out of her seat, the beads on her dress scraping against the edge of the stool. “Now, we’re going to let you panic in peace for a few minutes while we get another round.”

“We’re?” Jake asks slowly, deliberately drawing out the word.

“Yep,” she confirms, the look on her face leaving no room for arguments as she tugs him off his seat. “And you’re paying, let’s go.”

Bradley scrubs a hand over his face, but not before he sees Nat punching Seresin in the arm on their way to the bar.

He doesn’t know why he’s so nervous all of a sudden, he’s never had an issue asking girls out before. Not that he’s ever had to work that hard for it, but still.

His knee bounces on the foot rest as he works out what to say. He types out the message and gives it a quick once over and hits send before he can overthink it.

Bradley Bradshaw, 10:42pm: I’d never say no to you or a pumpkin shaped pizza. But I’m actually at a Halloween party right now at the bar near base with some friends. And I’m thinking you should stop by.

Bradley Bradshaw, 10:42pm: I’m sorry it’s a last minute invite, but it’s always a good time and I think you would have fun. I’d like to see you, if “ur up” for it.

He tries not to dwell on the fact he just double texted you, a thing he didn’t know he should be worried about before Fanboy warned him about doing it.

It’s like he’s been hit by lightning the way he shoots up in his seat when he sees those little dots appear on the screen. Rooster holds his breath when they start and stop a few times, each time they disappear and come back again his heart pounds a little harder in his chest.

You, 10:44pm: I’m all in. What’s the address?

All the bubbles from the beer he’d had earlier swarm and rush to his head at once as he drops you a pin.

Nat pushes a shot of bourbon towards him across the table when they return. “Did it go well?”

He nods. “She’s on her way.”

“Good, because you know Halloween is my favorite holiday and your sulking was bringing the vibe down.”

He chuckles, there’s no way he’s beating those whipped allegations now.

She clinks her own shot with his and they throw them back together, the warmth of the expensive tasting liquor sticks behind his sternum.

The next thirty minutes are the longest of Rooster’s life. His head swings to the front door every time it opens, hoping that it’ll be you outlined by the purple, green, and orange string lights.

When he sees you come through the swiftly deflating balloon arch scanning the bar for him, he almost does a double take.

You’ve got on a black and white polka dot top, the cuffs are a flared ruffle that are tied with a bow at your wrist. Your skirt is plain black, but the way it hugs your hips leaves little to the imagination. He can’t even begin to guess what you’re dressed as because other than the night he met you, it’s the most clothes he’s ever seen you in.

Excluding those little silky matching sets you’re usually wearing when he comes over. But those don’t usually stay on too long before they end up on the floor of your living room. Or bedroom. Or kitchen.

He usually has to leave before you, so he’s usually headed out your front door while you’re still wrapped up in one of those fluffy white towels you have. He’s enjoying seeing you here in his favorite bar in that outfit and heading towards him like you’re just as happy to see him as he is to see you.

“Huh, if I'm not mistaken I’m pretty sure that’s what I sent you into work in this morning,” you say, grinning up at him and lightly tugging on the zipper of his flight suit. “Are you supposed to be a Walk of Shame?”

Bradley wraps an arm around you because he can’t help himself. “Please, we all know it’s called the Stride of Pride. It’s never a shame when I get laid.” He presses his fingertips into the swell of the top of your ass before leaning in close, his lips brushing against your ear, “Plus, I didn’t have time to go home and grab my costume because someone lured me back into bed this morning.”

He had to do 200 extra push-ups and stay behind to do paperwork as penance for being late the third time that week, but it was worth it. But by the time he was finished, the sun was already well on its way to setting. If he’d been a bit more forward thinking he would have brought the costume he had planned with him, instead of thinking he’d have time to swing by his house to change. Bradley didn’t think it was too much of a let down for you, not with the way you’re looking at him. It’s that same heated way that tells him you’re remembering your reaction to it the first time you’d ever seen him in it.

“Sounds like poor planning on your part,” you tease, your finger tracing the edge of his nametag. “I can’t believe you’re wearing your work clothes to a Halloween party, Rooster.”

“Ok, funny girl. Tell me then, what’re you supposed to be?” He takes a step back and gives you a blatant once over, taking his time admiring the shape of you from your head to your toes in some wicked looking heels and back up again.

Maybe if things went well tonight, you’d leave them on for him later when he gets you alone.

“That’s for me to know, and for you to spend the night guessing,” you smirk, the curve of your mouth promising mischief. “But I think you’ll like it once you figure it out.”

“Bradshaw, are you going to introduce us to your sexy librarian?” Hangman hollers, waving the two of you over back to the table with his hat. Bradley doesn’t hear as much as he sees the oof that comes out of the blonde when Phoenix sends an elbow into his side.

Rooster glances at you with a raise of his eyebrow and you shake your head. Not a sexy librarian then.

“I take it you know the rodeo clown?”

He tips his head back and laughs, already looking forward to telling Hangman. “I do. And Gracie Lou Freebush over there too.”

You wave over at Nat, gesturing to her costume and mouth obsessed, before turning back to him to ask, “Is that gun real?”

“I’m too afraid to ask,” he jokes, only half kidding. “C’mon let me get you a drink, I have an in with the bartender.”

“Are you trying to show off for me, Bradley?”

“Definitely.” He reaches out and toys with the end of the bow on your sleeve. “Is it working, Leslie Knope?”

You just send him that devastating smile of yours and thread your fingers through his. “I think I'm going to have so much fun with this tonight.”

“But full disclosure, you see Napoleon Bonaparte?” He points over to where Mav is behind the bar wearing tasseled shoulder pads pouring pints behind the bar next to a bedazzled Penny in a white neoclassical style dress. “That’s my godfather and his fiancée.”

You school the surprise on your face quickly. “Bradley Bradshaw, are you a nepobaby?”

“That’s a story for another time.” He chuckles, carefully winding his way around a Fred Flintstone and a Deviled Egg to the bar. “Be warned though, the Blue Slime Sipper is lethal. I had four last year and put on an a cappella performance of the Ghostbusters theme song.”

“Please tell me someone has a video of that,” you laugh.

“I called in every favor I had to get all evidence of that particular performance erased.”

At the bar, you order two Blue Slime Sippers looking the picture of innocence as you admire the giant spider affixed to the top of the bar by the till, even though he knows better.

One for him and one for you.

He briefly introduces you to Penny and Mav, trying to keep it casual. Thankfully, it’s busy enough that there’s not more time for small talk or jokes about the frosted tips he had when he was thirteen.

Their guess at a modern day I Love Lucy was also met with a no.

But he’s pretty sure Mav’s attempt to stealthily shoot him two thumbs up after you get your neon blue colored drinks fails based on the way your lips are pressed together in an attempt to smother the smile that he sees toying at the corners of your mouth.

Over the course of the night, it becomes a game that the rest of the team joins in on as he introduces them to the girl he’s been hung up on for weeks.

You help him kick Payback and Fanboy’s asses at the Eyeball Beer Pong that Penny had set up outside on the deck.

“Damn, Lawyer Barbie has an arm,” Fanboy says, the spring of the Slingy Dog costume sagging sadly between him and Payback, watching as you sink another doodled on ping-pong ball into a cup.

“I think we need a rematch,” Payback countered after their loss, “Flight Attendants have great hand-eye coordination, it’s an unfair advantage.”

Both guesses were met with a no.

When you side with Nat over Death Becomes Her as the best, but most underrated, Halloween movie, she throws her hands up in victory, “Thank you! Finally, someone with good taste… Olivia Pope?”

It’s another no, but he’s happy to see how much fun you’re having with his friends.

Between the riotous costume contest voting, and the one-man performance of “Thriller” that Bob puts on, and the pumpkin tic-tac-toe, Rooster has a lot of fun making his own guesses.

Except for the time he offers up Miss Bliss, he nearly chokes on his Cauldron Cooler when you ask him, “Is that a porn thing?”

Which in hindsight, he probably should have specified from the show Saved by the Bell, that he only knew because he’d been into Tiffani Amber Thiessen as a kid, but he doesn’t get to because you’re too busy delightedly laughing at his near spit-take.

He sticks close to your side, an arm slung over your shoulder or around your waist. There’s a moment when he gets worried he might be smothering you, but then you’d lean your head on his shoulder and he figured you were right where you wanted to be.

The two of you step outside when the Monster Mash smashburger contest starts up, the song following you to the sun-bleached wooden deck.

There are less people out here now, a few people are stationed behind the ping-pong table and others are seated on the picnic tables chatting and swapping stories. Most of his friends had stayed inside to cheer on Coyote’s attempt to hold onto his burger eating crown.

It’s the first time all night that he has you on your own, and while he appreciates how welcoming his friends are with wanting to make you feel included and slipping in more than a few jokes at his expense, he’s ready to have you to himself for a while.

But first.

“Are you ever going to tell me what you’re supposed to be?” He runs a finger along the ruffle down the front of your shirt. “I think I’ve lost count of how many failed attempts I’ve made now and It’s starting to take a toll on my ego.”

“How about this, you tell me what you were supposed to be and then I’ll tell you what my costume is,” you offer, playfully.  

You’re still toying with him like a cat does a string and he doesn’t mind a single bit.

He steps in close, winding an arm around your low back pulling you in close. “James Bond,” he says, enjoying the way your eyes light up.

“Now that’s something I would love to see,” you murmur, running your hand along his arm. “Not that the flight suit isn’t working for me.” He grins smug because he knows exactly how much this flight suit works for you.

Rooster shakes his head amused. “I’ll put it on for you later if you want.” He grins smug because he knows exactly how much this flight suit works for you, but you haven’t seen him in a tux yet. “Now, I’ve been dying to know since the moment you walked in, what are you dressed as?”

You grin, wide and bright, like you’ve been waiting for this all night.

“Your future girlfriend, I thought it was pretty obvious.”

Bradley doesn’t waste a moment bringing both of his hands to your face and getting his lips on yours. A surprised noise escapes from the back of your throat before you’re wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him even closer.

Your full lips soften under his demanding ones, the sensual slide of your lips against his has him desperate for more. His tongue chases after the sweetness of your mouth. He can’t get enough of it.

He can’t get enough of you.

“So I take it, you like my costume then?” you ask against his lips.

“I’m about to go swipe that trophy from Cousin Itt because yours is the best one here by far.” You giggle when he pulls you back in to kiss you again- or tries to. “C’mon, sweetheart, I need you to cooperate here. I’m trying to kiss my girlfriend.”

But then his teeth click against yours because now you’ve got him smiling too.

You skim another soft kiss against his mouth and lean back. “You know, I did have a back-up costume, just in case things didn’t go well.” You put a finger up and twist a little in his arms to rummage in your purse. And when you turn back towards him you’ve got a bright red clown nose on your face.

“Are you kidding me? The only clown here is Seresin.” He chuckles and gently pulls it from off your nose. “I’ve been trying to figure out how lock this down for weeks now. That tux was going to be my ace. It’s about a half size too small, but I figured it might do the trick to make things more official. It’s a good thing I’ve got a girl who knows what she wants.”

“Don’t think you’re off the hook, Bradshaw. I still want to see you in it.”

“I can make that happen. Especially since that means I get to take you home with me tonight.” He drops a kiss on your cheek. “I’ve got an idea about what we can be next year though.”

“It’s not even midnight yet, and you’re thinking about next year?”

Bradley shrugs nonchalantly. “I’m all about playing the long game. Just want to give you something to look forward to.”

“Let’s hear it then,” you say, giving him an expectant look.

“Considering how we met and all, I think contestants from Supermarket Sweep would be a solid choice for us. There’s nothing sexier than some khakis and sweatshirts.”

You look delighted and amused and like his.

“Done. You know I am a big fan of you in a pair of khakis.”

Rooster tugs you to him again needing to taste your grin. He hears a cheer go up inside of the bar, probably for whoever won the contest, but he pretends it’s for him.

After all, he’s the one who got the girl.

Happy Halloween! I'm dropping a smitten Rooster into everyone's candy bucket this year! Thank you for reading!

You can read my other stories here!

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[eskymoos]

NSFW+

Unpopular opinion: Levi is not vocal in bed.

Despite being the most emotional character (canonically), he‘s a master at keeping a straight face. Does that make him less passionate? Not even close.

You didn‘t take in his strength until you had to physically take him in. There you were at your weakest, in the hands of your captain. The man had you bent over the board of his desk, pushing himself inside you repeatedly. Your hands were grasping both ends of the surface as you tried to suppress the sensation that washed over your body. Instead of short appraisal or degradation, he ran his slim hands up and down your sides and murmured incoherent compliments and orders. His full lips caressed your ear. All you could focus on were his short grunts and desperation to keep you in place. To have you. To take you like never before.

„Wait.“ You groaned in both pain and pleasure, attempting to get ahold of yourself. „Please wait.“

A full pause passed before he spun you around with zero effort and pressed you down. His deep set grey eyes captured yours in fierce eye contact. „How much more?“ He spoke, his question coming out low and accusatory.

The air stilled each time he planted his cock deeper inside you. The warmth your body emitted charged him with more hunger for what you could offer. But he wouldn‘t say it out loud. No. Instead he marked your skin with hickeys. You couldn‘t even register what he was up to until the next day when you saw the aftermath of his rough loving.

„Telling Erwin all about how you couldn‘t handle me.“ Your eyes rolled back when he picked up his pace. The Ackerman bloodline gifted him his great physical force and now you were the victim of it.

„Can you handle me now?“ He asked, positioning his face near yours. His breath fanned over yours.

You gasped and put your hands on his broad shoulders to stop yourself from trembling. It was inevitable. Was he even human? You felt every inch of the captain . He was consuming you, corrupting your thoughts.

„‘m so sorry. I‘m sorry Captain.“ You whispered. He robbed you of your breath by pulling you in for a kiss. Again, no words were transferred. His body curved into yours even further. It felt like heaven. The selfsame man who has murdered many titans and humans was now longing for you. Levi pulled back, kissed your cheek, and continued rolling his hips.

„I love- I love you.“ You stuttered the promise that he had a hard time registering. In reality he was more than ready to scream the word back and reserve his heart for yours but the act stood against his nature. He couldn‘t. The blue in his eyes went one shade darker. His lips pursed together.

„You smell of mint.“ He commented bluntly, savoring the fragrance that lived in your mouth. Once upon a time you were a mere soldier under his command and care. Back then you feared him and his strict demeanor while equally searching for his story behind his enigmatic look. You would have never guessed he would want you so badly and crave you so extremely much. You found yourself loving him.

You hadn‘t noticed that you were only naked from the waist down. The two of you hadn‘t had enough time to undress fully. There was nothing that could have prevented him from making this hhappen.

„Please...please...“ Your eyes shut gradually and his thrusts were now lazy. He could see you were reaching the edge and that brought him unspoken satisfaction. Seeing you have your long-awaited release made him bust right there and then. He came to a stop, shoved himself into you yet again and prepared you for his own release. When it came, he buried his face in the crook of your neck. Levi wanted you bloated with pleasure. He dreamed of owning your heart and it was finally happening.

„Shhh shhh.“ Levi whispered and picked you up, slinging you over his shoulder. He tossed you on his soft mattress with ease and landed on top. The tips of your noses touched. He couldn‘t help but conceive that his heart was swollen with the image of you.

„Let’s clean up. I need to run you a bath.“ You propose but he cuts you off with another loving kiss.

„What‘s the rush?“ Levi inquired, enveloping you in a warm embrace.

P.S.- First time writing smut, sorry.

[sufferu]

Okay, so. This is actually a rather big spoiler for No Refunds, so imma need all of you to hush up about this one when it comes to the current main fic ;)

Anyway — here’s the first draft of a very essential upcoming scene, for all those who wish to see it.

No Refunds Ficlet: March Away From Omelas

____

The five Royal Selection Camps met inside City Hall. Crusch Karsten, flanked by Ferris Argyle and Wilhelm van Astrea. Felt, attended by Rachins, Gaston, Camberley, and the Sword Saint himself. Anastasia Hoshin, with her personal knight and the Captain and Vice Captains of the Iron Fang. Priscilla Barielle, who had elected to witness the ensuing spectacle alone. And of course — Lady Emilia herself, with Beatrice, Otto, Garfiel, and the Oni twins all standing by her side. With a singular exception, nobody else was allowed within the building: they were alone.

That singular exception stood in the middle of the room, of whom a decision now had to be made.

“…I didn’t do anything wrong,” Natsuki Subaru said uncertainly. Why were they all looking at him like that? He wanted to take a step back, but managed to resist the urge just barely. “Priestella is saved now, isn’t it? And— we’ve taken care of five Archbishops of Sin.”

He was objectively correct, about both of those things. As far as the rest of the world was concerned, the Battle of Priestella had ended with zero casualties thanks to his contributions. There had been structural damage to the buildings of the city, sure, and there had been injuries here and there — bruises, gashes, broken bones — but nothing that had been lethal, and likely nothing that was going to be permanent. And of the five Sin Archbishops that had attempted to siege the city — one was dead, and the other four had been successfully captured, awaiting transport to the capital of Lugunica. Nothing like this had ever been accomplished in recorded history. In every sense of the word, Subaru had pulled off a miracle.

But in order to do it, he had—

“How many times?” Julius croaked. Subaru glanced his way, and froze at the look of devastation on his face. “Subaru — how many times was it?”

“I—” Subaru broke off. There was a long, long silence as everyone waited for him to answer. “…Does it matter?” he finally retorted. “I think the results speak for themselves, don’t they? Everyone’s safe, and everyone’s happy! Isn’t that the only thing that really matters, in the end?”

Otto made an indecipherable noise. Nobody looked at him.

“You didn’t answer us,” Wilhelm growled. The raw anger in his voice made Subaru stiffen. “How many times was it?”

When Subaru didn’t answer, everyone knew it was because he didn’t know.

“What a boorish question,” Priscilla scoffed. She was the only one there who looked relaxed, fanning her face gently as she peered at the lot of them from the side of the room. “Subaru saw that there was danger and rose to the challenge. If he bled for it in the meanwhile, what does it matter?”

“‘What does it matter?’” Felt repeated, her quiet voice already glittering with the warning sparks of her growing rage. “Big Bro just — killed himself, again and again, for OUR sakes, and — and ‘What does it matter?’”

“For Subaru, the ultimate sacrifice is a thing that he can make as many times as he wishes, as a means to an end,” Priscilla answered. “He can accomplish great things with his ability. He HAS accomplished great things, even. If I were his liege, I would be rewarding him for his accomplishments, not stifling his potential.”

“‘Stifling his potential’?” Felt repeated, disbelief coloring her voice red. “You’d call him — him DYING, again and again — you’d call it POTENTIAL?”

“Has he not allowed you to witness a miracle, peasant?” Priscilla returned. “Through his efforts, he has brought about a solution that would otherwise never have come to fruition. This is a thing to celebrate, is it not?”

“It is absolutely not!” Mimi cried out. “Mimi didn’t want this! Mimi didn’t want to survive because — because someone did THIS for her sake!”

Felt took a deep breath, clearly trying to maintain her composure. “…Subaru,” she said, directing her words towards the focus of the conversation. “Do you really think that winning the fight today was worth — this?”

Subaru stared back at her like she had grown a second head. “Of COURSE it was,” he scoffed, as if it were the obvious answer. “I’m just one person, and — not even a particularly valuable one at that.” From the corner of the room, Otto stared at him with growing despair. He didn’t even notice. “Sure, it — it sucked a lot, but I did it, and now everyone’s fine! So of course it was worth it.”

Felt swallowed, trying her hardest not to scream. She folded her hands in front of her — a practiced motion, one Reinhard had instilled into her through hours and hours of those stupid etiquette lessons. “And…” she faltered. “And you would do it again, if you felt that it was necessary.”

Subaru visibly flinched at the suggestion, but quickly moved to answer her. “O-Of course I would!” he insisted, his eyes darting around. Nearby, Crusch and Reinhard both stared at something that nobody else could see. “I—I AM still a knight, you know. It’s a knight’s JOB to put others before themselves. And…” He swallowed. “I know I’m not good at it, but if I try hard enough — well. My…circumstances…I mean — I’m in the perfect position to put others before me, right?”

“Because you never have to stop doing it,” Julius realized. “Because even if you die — you don’t have to stop.”

Subaru didn’t realize the surge of devastated nausea that such a realization had inspired in the gut of the Finest of Knights. “Exactly!” he crowed. “That’s exactly right! You see?”

Someone made a horrible strangled sound. Nobody knew who it was, and everyone was too focused on the matter at hand to find out, anyway.

“And if we’re not okay with it?” Felt pressed, trying to ignore the hole that was widening in her gut. “If we don’t want any part of — of an exchange like that?”

“…That’s ridiculous,” Subaru scoffed. “Why would anyone not — want to live? That’s stupid.”

“Why indeed,” Ricardo muttered.

“Maybe it’s not that — that someone doesn’t want to live,” Crusch said, her voice tense. “Maybe it’s that someone doesn’t want their life to be saved through…” She shook her head. “Maybe they consider — other things, to be more important.”

“Like what?” Subaru retorted.

“Honor, maybe,” Crusch said. “Ethics. Dignity. Integrity. Any of the things of which a loss would turn a person into a dog. …You really don’t get it, do you?”

“Valuing the alleviation of momentary suffering over a perfect ending is the way of dogs,” Priscilla replied, her eyes glinting. “If momentary suffering is necessary for a perfect ending, then to undergo it for the sake of fulfilling his duty — that is the sign of a wonderful knight.”

“There are limits,” Felt forced out through gritted teeth. “To what level of ‘momentary suffering’ is acceptable. Not that I’d expect YOU to understand that.”

“Lady Felt—”

“Don’t!” Felt snapped. Reinhard stopped. “Just— don’t. Not now.”

“I’d say it’s a perfectly acceptable level of suffering!” Subaru retorted, raising his voice. “I’m the only one who has to go through it, so I’m the one who gets to decide what’s acceptable, right? That’s how it works!”

“No the FUCK it’s not!” Rachins bellowed, taking a step forward. Reinhard quickly grabbed his wrist, preventing him from marching over to punch Subaru in the face. Rachins didn’t even glance back at him, fixated solely on the object of his rage. “You don’t get it make a choice like THAT when you— when you’re planning something THAT HORRIBLE!” he spat. “Who the fuck would be alright with this?! Just one ultimate sacrifice is hard enough to stomach, but — you can’t even tell us how many times it was! How am I supposed to go forward when I know you— YOU—”

“You might have DIED if I didn’t do anything!” Subaru protested. “If it was you or me— even if I had to choose all of you hundreds of times over, then—”

“How was it your place to make that decision for us?!” Anastasia burst out, uncharacteristically emotional. She hadn’t looked this way even back at the inn. “I didn’t want this!” she cried. “I didn’t consent to this! I never wanted to be complicit in something this awful, and here YOU went and made the choice to — to repeatedly sacrifice yourself for all of us regardless! I didn’t WANT you to do this for me!”

“We weren’t able to do anything,” Ferris managed, white as a sheet. He was gripping his head. “We weren’t able to stop nyew at all. And nyew didn’t stop nyerself, either: the first thing nyew decided to do when the Witch Cult attacked was…” Ferris fixed his gaze on Subaru, glassy with panic and devastation. “So long as nyer a knight, and protecting the country is nyer job— we won’t be able to stop nyew at— at all—”

“Oh like that’s any different than what Reinhard is doing,” Subaru retorted. “What, so him being unstoppable in his role as a Sword Saint is fine, but me using my own ability to act as a knight is crossing a line? How is THAT fair?”

Reinhard flinched violently, taking a step backwards.

“How DARE you make a comparison like that?!” Felt spat, finally snapping and raising her voice to a roar. “HOW DARE YOU?! You wanna know what the difference is, Subaru?! Reinhard being the Sword Saint doesn’t mean we’re all dooming him to fucking KILL HIMSELF for our sakes!”

“I can’t believe you would even SUGGEST such a thing,” Julius snarled, uncharacteristically vicious. “The role of the Sword Saint is a heavy one, yes, but it isn’t in any way the same thing as someone sentencing himself to execution after execution for the rest of —” Could Subaru die a natural death? He didn’t even want to THINK about the concept of an eternity trapped in a fate like this. “— of his natural life! You absolute— how could you even consider—?!”

Reinhard was not allowed to wish for his role as the Sword Saint to be taken away from him. Wishing for for such a thing was as good as poisoning his mind against the kingdom itself. In any case, nobody could ever strip him of his title even if they wanted to: nobody was more suited to the role of the Sword of the Kingdom than Reinhard van Astrea.

But now, he realized with a bolt of absolute clarity— now he was on the outside, looking in. Subaru wasn’t wrong about his curse positioning him in a manner that made him uniquely suited for the role of a knight. But if they allowed him to take that position up once again—

Reinhard thought of himself, and how he was never going to escape his title. He thought of Subaru, who was inches away from thrusting himself into the same position. He thought of an old story about his grandmother and grandfather, and how — just once — a Sword Saint had been set free.

“Subaru—” He tried to say, stepping forward, but Wilhelm held out his arm before anyone else could see what he was doing. Reinhard glanced his way, and saw ice blue eyes glimmering with the conviction of tempered steel.

—Reinhard understood. He stepped back to where he had been a second before.

…He likely wouldn’t have been allowed to be the one to do so anyway. Reinhard van Astrea could not act against the good of the kingdom, no matter who got hurt in the process.

Julius was still speaking. “How do you not understand?!” he shouted, his eyes blazing. “You seem to be thinking of this as— as some sort of— you just don’t get it, do you?! Do you have any idea how—” Horrified. Disgusted. Devastated. Mortified. “—how ANGRY we are with you right now?”

“I mean, I’d probably do it anyway!” Subaru pointed out, folding his arms stubbornly. “Whether I have the title or not, I’m always gonna want to help the people around me, right? You can’t stop me from doing THAT.”

The temperature of the room dropped significantly. Subaru’s eyes widened, his arms springing up to wrap around his chest at the sudden chill. A couple of pairs of eyes flickered to Emilia, who sat motionless in her seat.

“…For nyer own sake,” Ferris hissed, one of those in the room that was utterly unaffected by this cold air. He looked very much like he wanted to murder Subaru on the spot. “I am going to assume that was nyer misguided attempt at cracking a JOKE. But on the off-chance that nyew were being serious, I can assure nyew: we have ways of keeping people alive against their will if nyeed be.” He grinned, his face so sour it looked like it might curdle milk. “Nyew’ve seen me deal with suicidal Witch Cult prisonyers, Subaru-kyun. Do nyew think I’m above treating nyew the way I treated them?”

Subaru took a step back.

“Ignoring the absolutely disgusting moral implications of what you just suggested you planned on doing to yourself for the rest of your life,” Julius said coldly, eyes fixed on Subaru’s face. “You do realize that you just threatened ALL OF US, by saying that you would use time travel to bend reality to your heart’s content regardless of how we feel about it — do you not?” Subaru flinched. “I assumed you were better than that.” Julius rolled his shoulder. “But Ferris is right: if you are NOT better than that, then we can find a way to make sure we don’t have to worry about you deciding to reverse time behind everyone’s backs.”

“The lot of you are being ridiculous,” Priscilla scoffed. “Your wonderful knight saved an entire city almost single-handedly, and you wish to remove him from his post? Sacrifice is a part of life. If you can’t stomach the sacrifice necessary to feed the fire of life, then you are unfit to stand in the light of mine gaze.”

“There’s a fucking limit to the kind of sacrifices a reasonable person should accept!” Felt shot back. “Not like you’d understand a thing about being reasonable, you— you MONSTER. How can you talk about someone ripping himself apart so flippantly?!”

“If ripping oneself apart is what a person wishes to do, then I shall not stand in their way.” She smiled. “Just as there is beauty in war, there is beauty in sacrifice — or in this case, the dance of eternal sacrifice, in service of the greater good.” The Sun Princess frowned down at Felt, who was staring at her with a look of horrified disbelief. “It is not Subaru’s fault if a peasant like you cannot handle how he chooses to live and die,” she said coldly. “If he has made his choice, then he has made it so.”

“That’s vile…” Felt choked out. “Even for you, that is VILE.”

“Personal autonomy has limits,” Crusch said coldly. “If a man’s personal autonomy involves harming others, then he must be stopped. Likewise, if it involves him ripping himself apart, then we have a moral duty to stand in his way. — Especially if he has the gall to declare that it is for OUR sakes.”

“As a knight of Lugunica, I understand the nobility of sacrifice,” Julius said. He did not flinch as Priscilla turned to watch him, nor did he look her in the eye. “But as a knight, I understand the weight of it, as well. Giving up one’s life for a cause is one of the heaviest sacrifices one can make — and it is exactly because of that, that I cannot stand for someone who plans to make that sacrifice so many times in repetition.” He turned to face Subaru, alone in the center of the room, and took a deep breath. “In saving Priestella from the Witch Cult, Natsuki Subaru has fulfilled his duty as a knight once and for all,” Julius declared. “He has made the ultimate sacrifice, and he has done so — many, many times over. Allowing him to continue to do so for the sake of this country would damage the worth of the entire nation, and I refuse to stand for it. That’s all I have to say.”

“I stand by my knight,” Anastasia announced, stepping forward. “We are not animals, and I refuse to live as an animal by depending on someone to harm themselves for me in perpetuity — and I refuse to allow my country to do such a thing, either. And I am no longer willing to wait two years for a decision to be made: Natsuki Subaru will be removed from his role today, or the Anastasia Camp will consider him and all of his allies its enemy.”

“The Iron Fang stands with its employer,” Ricardo added, his voice like steel. “But even without its relationship with the Anastasia Camp, I would never stand for something this disgusting, nor would any organization that I lead. And—” He shook his head, looking very much like he wanted to strangle someone. “And I’d HOPE that if — those who I care about — were thrown into a situation — like THIS — that the people they meet would have the basic decency to refuse the same.”

“Mimi hates this,” the eldest of the Pearlbaton triplets forced out, uncharacteristically enraged. She was scratching at the top of her head, yanking at her orange hair. “Mimi hates everything about this. How dare— how DARE you—”

“We want nothing to do with an arrangement like this,” Hetaro confirmed. “I don’t want to be saved by someone doing — this. It’s sick. I’d rather just die.”

“I don’t want to die,” Tivey muttered. “But if I were to live a life dependent on something like — THIS, I’d be no better than vermin. And I don’t want anyone forcing me into that role, either. We stand with our Lady.”

“The three of us might be vermin,” Rachins growled. “But even WE are above depending on an eternal living corpse for our lives and livelihoods. You can fuck right off with that, Subaru.”

“I wouldn’t call us vermin—” Camberley objected.

“All the more reason, then,” Gaston said firmly. “None of us are gonna accept something this — gross. Ever.”

“I agree with those idiots,” Felt snarled, stepping forward defiantly. “I don’t give a rat’s ass about ‘the greater good’: this is vile, and I would be utter scum if I rolled over and let things continue like this. Thank you for your service, Big Bro: now fuck ALL THE WAY off with this Unsung Hero bullshit.”

“My role as the Sword Saint is a duty granted to me by Od Laguna,” Reinhard managed, both outraged and devastated beyond words by the comparison. “It is a burden that I would not wish upon anyone, but the sole grace of my role is that I have been granted it specifically because my capabilities allow me to fulfill it without — undue sacrifice. For you to try and take something like it upon yourself through the use of a curse this vile…” He shook his head. “I will stand with whatever Lady Felt decides,” the Sword Saint said. “As she is against — everything about this — so am I.”

“Disgusting,” Ferris hissed, bristling. There were tears in his eyes. He shook his head, muttering the same word over and over again. “Disgusting, disgusting, disgusting — Nyatsuki Subaru, I hate nyew so, so much—!”

“To keep Natsuki Subaru as a knight after this would be considered the height of indecency,” Crusch declared. “That is where I stand, as do my Camp and my Estate. Lady Emilia, I must insist that you remove him from his position NOW, or I will render our alliance null and void. That is my ultimatum.”

“This— This really feels like an overreaction!” Subaru stammered, backing away from the sea of anger and devastation. “Didn’t everything work out alright, in the end? Wasn’t it worth it? One life in exchange for all of Priestella—”

“It wasn’t just one life, Subaru,” Ricardo spat. “It was one person, over and over again, who decided all on his own that we were the kinds of ANIMALS that would be absolutely fine resting our lives on — on a fucking monstrosity like that!“

“We didn’t even get a CHOICE in the matter,” Ferris cried. “Nyone of us did. “Nyew just went ahead and decided for nyerself that we’d all prefer this — this utter BULLSHIT.“

“Do you not get what an embarrassment this is?” Julius snapped. “For someone to have stepped in and decided on their own that they’re going to take all the suffering of — of the Royal Selection Camps, of the White Scales of Priestella, of EVERYONE who might have otherwise decided to fight back on their own accord — for them to have stolen that choice away and forced everyone else to accept not just one singular sacrifice, but a string of sacrifices so long that you haven’t even been able to tell us how many deaths make it up! It’s a humiliation of the highest order, because you just forced ALL OF US to be complacent in one of the most monstrous, inhuman scenarios I can imagine.“

“Fuck nyew,” Ferris breathed, looking like he was on the verge of passing out. “Fuck nyew, Subaru. Fuck nyew, fuck nyew, fuck nyew—”

“I really don’t think—!”

“How would you have felt,” Felt interrupted. “If Big Sis had done all of this on your behalf?” Subaru froze. She grinned at him, all teeth and no joy behind her smile. “You’d fucking hate it, right?” she asked cheerfully. “You’d scream, and you’d probably cry. You might even throw up, you’d feel so awful. And if she turned to you and said ‘But I gave you a miracle, aren’t you proud of me?’ I’ll bet you’d want to scream at her for it, too.” She leaned forward. “How DARE you do that to us.” Felt hissed. “How fucking dare you.”

“And to think!” Anastasia laughed. It was a venomous, bitter sound that made Subaru want to recoil. “To think, I actually was starting to believe the others’ insistence that you could be trusted to man your post responsibly!” She stared at him, eyes hard. “I was right about this whole situation from the start. Keeping you as a knight was a ridiculous notion, because — THIS — was always going to be the outcome, one way or another.”

Subaru was speechless. Slowly, with jerky movements, he twisted around to the one camp that had yet to make its final assertion.

“G-Guys…?” he managed.

“Cap—” Garfiel hesitated, and then shook his head. Subaru visibly wilted. “Natsuki Subaru can’t be a knight anymore,” he declared. “This is horrible. I didn’t want this. I never wanted anything like this. If I let him do this for — for MY sake, how could I ever look myself in the mirror again? …And I don’t think he’s ever gonna stop unless we force him away from the edge.”

“This is the absolute worst thing you could have done to me, Subaru,” Ram snapped. “I don’t know how you don’t understand that. I don’t WANT to persist via your acts of self-harm: I’m perfectly happy to live to the best of my ability and accept my death when my time has come to an end. A life of dignity is one that I desire most of all. —And here you are, planning to force me to rely on your trail of self-destruction for the rest of my natural life? That’s a vulgarity beyond words.”

“I really thought you had learned,” Otto muttered. His face was buried in his hands. “I really, really thought you had learned, Subaru.”

Despair slowly dawned across the face of the self-proclaimed knight.

“The old me might have allowed for this,” Rem admitted. Her voice was quiet and broken. “I am not that woman anymore. I won’t let you do this to yourself.”

“Betty doesn’t want her contractor to become a living corpse, I suppose,” Beatrice said quietly. “Betty wants you to be happy, but that also means that she doesn’t want you to destroy yourself. You can hate me for this if you want, Subaru. But I can’t let you — I can’t let you do this.”

Subaru stared at all of them, his upper lip wobbling, and then his eyes flitted to the last person in the room, the one who had not said a single thing since they had entered the building.

Emilia could not bring herself to voice the words, but her silence spoke a thousand in its stead. Subaru made a horrible croaking noise, wide-eyed and devastated.

Wilhelm had to force himself to speak, but when he did, his voice came out loud and clear and true.

“Natsuki Subaru.”

Subaru could no longer be a knight. For him to continue being a knight would be for him to continue to sacrifice himself for the sakes of those around him, over and over again, without regard for whether they wanted him to do so or not. For him to remain a knight would be for the kingdom to approve this cycle of endless self-destruction, so that it could profit off of his pain until the day it finally sucked him dry. —And this could no longer be a decision that waited a year, a month, a day, but rather a move that had to be made as quickly and decisively as possible.

Lady Emilia had already realized what Wilhelm was about to do. Her eyes were glassy and dull, but she bowed her head in assent when he briefly caught her gaze. Do what you must.

For his own good, Subaru could no longer be a knight. However, Emilia firing him after just a year of service would leave a black mark on his record that could last until the end of his life. And with him having saved the Watergate City nearly single-handedly, for him to willingly abandon his duty now would paint him as a fickle, untrustworthy coward for the rest of his life. Titles brought with them expectations and responsibilities, and great deeds even more so. Subaru had somehow entangled him in a web of both that threatened to trap him as the nation’s self-replenishing sacrifice for — in a worst-case scenario, perhaps for the rest of eternity.

“W-Wilhelm?” Subaru whimpered, his voice high-pitched and uncertain.

But there was a way to retire him that would not impact his reputation, or hamper him from pursuing any other future career path he may choose, or even leave him with the majority of the blame. It was the same way that, many years ago, a young man on a mission had set free the woman who would become his wife.

Subaru would hate him for this until the old man’s dying day, and perhaps even beyond that. But Wilhelm loved him, and that meant he valued the quality of the boy’s life more than he ever could his personal reputation in his eyes.

Priscilla realized what the Sword Demon was about to do moments before he opened his mouth again. She sighed, snapping her ruby red fan shut. The sound echoed through the room like a thunderclap.

“Natsuki Subaru,” Wilhelm Van Astrea declared. “Due to finding you unworthy to serve our nation as a knight of the Kingdom, I challenge you to a duel.”

*

Wilhelm had challenged Subaru to a duel over his position as a knight of the Kingdom. Subaru’s liege, Lady Emilia, had consented to such terms. If Subaru were to win, he would be allowed to remain where he was. If Wilhelm were to win, then Subaru would be forced to retire from his post — and in the eyes of the public, all the blame for his removal would rest squarely on Wilhelm’s shoulders.

Subaru, Wilhelm, and everyone witnessing the event knew what the outcome was going to be.

“What are you doing?!” an old lady cried from the stands. “What are you DOING?! He saved us — he saved all of our lives! Stop, STOP—!!”

“Natsuki Subaru-dono is a hero!” shouted a young man, hands clenching the rails. “Why are you doing this?! What did he do wrong?! He didn’t do ANYTHING, just LET HIM—!!”

“Wilhelm—” Subaru tried to plead, one last time.

Wilhelm met his gaze with one fierce enough to burn. “This is for your own good.”

Subaru swallowed, and raised his whip.

It only took three hits. The first smacked the handle of Subaru’s weapon with the flat of the blade, knocking it out of his hands and into the air, where it spiraled in an arc. The second whacked Subaru on the top of his head, stunning him hard enough to make him lose his balance. The third took advantage of this wrong-footedness by slamming into his chest, knocking him down on his back. Then the weight of the man’s knee settled against his chest, pinning him to the ground, with the edge of the blade grazing against his throat. And that was that.

“The winner,” Ferris announced, his voice muffled in Subaru’s ears. “Is Wilhelm van Astrea.”

It had not even lasted a full ten seconds. Those who watched would later describe it as Wilhelm scruffing him, much like one would a misbehaving puppy. Even the way he had pinned him to the ground had been careful, less like an actual fight and more like a sparring session between parent and child.

It was a duel far gentler and kinder than his previous with Julius. But the results were far graver in his eyes, for he had been successfully stripped of his title as a knight and reduced to simply being Natsuki Subaru.

[ao3cassandraic]

What does Aziraphale know and when does he know it? Part 4: The Aftermath

Prologue, Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3, for those who need them.

After Crowley strides out, Aziraphale has a lot going on in his head still, and it shows on his poor devastated angry (he is angry, just a bit) face.

Then the Metatron comes back in, and Zira has to turn sharply away to pull himself back into some kind of kayfabe. "How did he take it?" the Metatron asks cheerfully, despite already knowing because he was watching. Jehoshaphat, y'all, I thought s1!Gabriel was punchable -- I want to drop the Metatron into Earth-core magma like Gollum at this point!

Aziraphale's heroic efforts at kayfabe are pretty successful, on the whole, but it hurts to see him stiff as a board, arms at his sides, letting the Metatron (argh, so punchable) insult Crowley and laughing nervously. Then the Metatron starts forcing him out the door again with "Right, ready to start?" The presumptuous wretch doesn't even wait for a yes -- just assumes it!

Aziraphale, however, knows he never said yes, so he tries playing for -- anything, really, more information or some kind of choice (arc word! arc! word!) or anything at all. No dice; the Metatron highhandedly gives his bookshop (his. BOOK. SHOP.) to Muriel. Aziraphale now knows why the Metatron wanted Muriel to stay behind on Earth, and he also knows that the Metatron will stop at nothing and trample anyone to get what he wants. Not comforting knowledge, that.

And Aziraphale, having essentially no more choice (I repeat: arc word!), but still horribly torn because he never got to make a decision about the job offer, still doesn't have a Metatron-thwarting plan, and wants Crowley with all his mind and heart, blurts "I think I --" Then he drops back into kayfabe, following the extremely punchable Metatron out the door.

Crowley's still there, standing by the Bentley. All our hearts shatter. But the extremely punchable Metatron (have I mentioned that he is extremely punchable?) keeps Aziraphale moving along by dropping hints at answers to his continuing questions: whatever the Metatron's up to, it's something to do with the Great Plan.

Aziraphale asks. And now that he's firmly in the Metatron's clutches, the Metatron answers: it's the Second Coming.

Watch Aziraphale drop kayfabe (fortunately, the Metatron isn't looking at him) for a look of helpless dismay. A.Z. "entire collection of Bibles, wicked and otherwise" Fell knows what that means! Watch him re-establish kayfabe when the Metatron looks at him from the elevator. Watch him turn back toward Crowley to tell him (unnecessary -- Crowley knows from his visit Upstairs -- but Aziraphale doesn't know Crowley knows), then decide (with another of those pulling-himself-together deep breaths) that he must instead play along. Watch him kayfabe-smile at the Metatron and enter the elevator.

And watch kayfabe warring with devastation and guardianly determination in Aziraphale's face over the credits. My read -- you may have a different one -- is that determination wins, and the eventual smile is an "okay, now I have a plan" smile.

Watch out, Metatron. Aziraphale's gonna wreck you and I'm gonna enjoy it.

-------------------------------------------

This interpretation of the Final Fifteen Minutes is parsimonious. It works with what's there onscreen, not assuming much beyond that -- the only Caveat About Offscreen Shenanigans I left in was to note that we don't necessarily see the entire chinwag. Exactly zero of the twistier, more elaborate fan theories, you may have noticed, made it into this meta -- heck, we don't even have to assume we didn't see the entire chinwag! We might have! What we did see was enough to lead to these outcomes!

The Gaiman-Pratchett-Finnemore brain trust likes jigsaw-puzzle plots where everything has its place and little or nothing is wasted. That's a big reason I think a parsimonious interpretation is likely to be close to a true interpretation. It's all there; why get wild if there's no need to?

This also aligns with what Michael Sheen has said (do please read this not-mine meta, it's lovely) about angels and goodness and making choices. I, too, want Aziraphale to have made the hard, hurting, noble choice at last, even if he was partly railroaded into it.

(Anyone who doesn't care for fan theories should stop reading now, with my effusive gratitude for making it this far.)

That said, the explosion of fan theories about the Final Fifteen Minutes also demonstrates that this interpretation is narratively accommodating. It doesn't have to assume poisoned or drugged coffee, but it doesn't preclude that. It doesn't require a body swap, but it allows it -- all that really has to change is the estimation of who's doing how much kayfabe when. It doesn't need some massive season-spanning conspiracy arc, but if there is one, it can make that work.

Neil knows fandom, none better. He knows we love our meta and our theories. So I have no trouble believing he wrote us a narratively accommodating finale so we could get our book-length Tumblr posts on. Appreciate it, and you, Neil.

[nayziiz]

Team Dynamics | LN4

Summary: To celebrate the launch of their 2024 car for the upcoming F1 season, McLaren hosts a masquerade gala event that sees two souls connect and lead to a whirlwind romance. Unfortunately, the pair realise soon after that they are to work together quite closely after they agreed it would only be a one-night thing.

Warnings: Smut, alcohol, one night stand, unprotected sex

Pairing: Gemma (I don't like writing with Y/N or reader) x Lando Norris

Series Masterlist

In the aftermath of Gemma's brief hospitalisation due to food poisoning, Lando's devotion and care for her took centre stage. Their connection, already profound, deepened as he steadfastly remained by her side throughout the recovery process. Lando's presence was a constant source of comfort, offering both emotional and practical support. From the moment Gemma opened her eyes to the sterile hospital room surroundings, Lando was there, a reassuring figure ensuring that she was not alone in facing the aftermath of the illness.

As they navigated the challenges of her recuperation together, their conversations became more intimate, revealing layers of themselves that had remained hidden before. Gemma's feelings for Lando, already present, intensified unexpectedly. The shared vulnerability of the hospital room created a unique space where emotions simmered to the surface. The way he seamlessly balanced taking care of her practical needs with offering emotional support made her realise the depth of her affection for him. The constant companionship and his willingness to put her well-being above all else brought a heightened sense of closeness.

In those moments when Lando briefly stepped away to attend to necessary errands, Gemma found herself eagerly awaiting his return, aching for the comfort his presence provided. The simple act of him bringing food or fresh clothes became symbolic of a burgeoning connection that surpassed friendship. Gemma, surprised by the intensity of her emotions, began to acknowledge the profound impact Lando had on her heart. The hospital stay, though challenging, served as a catalyst for an unexpected but welcomed evolution in their relationship, leaving Gemma with a realisation that her feelings for Lando had deepened into something more significant than she could have anticipated.

The tension in the McLaren pit is palpable as the team eagerly anticipates the qualifying results at Silverstone, their home race. The pressure is especially intense for Lando, with fans and the team hopeful for his first-ever win.

Gemma, seated at the pit wall, monitors the proceedings with a focused gaze. As the McLaren drivers head out for qualifying, she watches them navigate down the pitlane before turning her attention to the data screens in front of her. Oscar's car showcases promise after recent upgrades, securing a provisional second fastest lap time within the first ten minutes of the session.

However, Gemma's attention shifts to Lando's data, and a sense of concern creeps in as she notices his car is not performing as expected.

“I have zero pace.” Lando's mumbled voice breaks the radio silence, expressing his frustration.

“Copy, we’re investigating.” Andrea confirms.

The team mobilises to analyse the data and identify the issues affecting Lando's performance. The high stakes of the home race amplify the pressure on the team, leaving Gemma and her colleagues on the edge of their seats as they work to address the challenges and support their drivers. Harry, perplexed by the discrepancies, calls over one of his fellow analysts for a fresh perspective.

“I don’t understand.” Harry tells Andrea over their radio. “Everything looks good on this side.”

“Lando, continue with your slow lap. We’re still looking into it.” Andrea tells Lando who simply grunts in response. “Gemma, would you mind having a look too.”

As Gemma delves into the analysis alongside Harry and the team, the urgency in the pit grows. The collaborative effort intensifies, with each member working diligently to uncover the root cause of Lando's unexpected performance issues, aiming to rectify the situation before the crucial qualifying session concludes.

“Can I speak to Lando?” Gemma inquires.

“Go ahead.” Andrea confirms. “Channel is clear for comms.”

“Lando, it’s Gemma.” She informs him.

“Gem. What’s happening with the car?” Lando asks her.

“What’s the highest gear you can get?” She implores.

“Can’t get higher than fifth on the straights.” Lando informs her.

“Copy. Hang tight, Lando, we’re taking a closer look.” She assures him.

“Gemma? What do you think the issue is?” Andrea asks.

“It seems to be a hydraulic issue. Very minor, but enough to affect his acceleration.” Gemma explains.

“Should we retire the car?” Andrea asks.

“Preferably. We’re at risk of causing more damage if he keeps pushing.” Gemma agrees.

“Lando, please retire the car. Box, box.” Andrea radios Lando.

“Copy.” Lando responds.

He returns to the pitlane on his next outlap, parks the car outside the McLaren garage, and climbs out. With visible disappointment, he walks over to the pitwall, where Gemma and the team await, collectively processing the challenges faced during the home race qualifying session at Silverstone.

“Can they fix it before the race tomorrow?” He asks Andrea.

“We should be ready to go for the race.” Andrea confirms. “Starting P15 tomorrow, though, sorry about that.”

“Good thing Gemma caught the issue early enough.” Lando states, appreciating the efforts of the team and Gemma in particular, finding a silver lining in the situation.

He smiles, acknowledging Gemma's keen observation that prevented potential complications during the upcoming race. Lando, seeking a moment of respite, retreats into the garage as the crew wraps up the remaining tasks associated with the qualifying session. The familiar hum of activity surrounds him as mechanics work diligently to prepare the cars for the upcoming race.

Inside the garage, Lando takes the opportunity to refuel both physically and mentally. He grabs something to eat and drink, allowing himself a brief pause to recharge before diving back into the intense atmosphere of race weekend preparations. As the sounds of the pitlane echo outside, Lando takes a moment of solitude, gathering his thoughts and preparing for the challenges that await him on the race day at Silverstone.

“Great job today, Osc.” Gemma congratulates Oscar when she passes him in the garage.

“I heard you saved Lando’s race tomorrow.” Oscar comments as he glances at the mechanics working on Lando’s car. “He better celebrate that win with you tomorrow.”

“I’ll be sure to tell him that.” Gemma chuckles as she retreats to the hospitality suite to get herself some water and a snack.

Gemma spots Lando chatting to some fans as she walks up behind him. The one girl is particularly handsy with the driver who attempts to step back, but she’s persistent. A sudden rage fills Gemma as she approaches the small group. Without hesitation, Gemma intervenes, stepping between Lando and the overzealous fan. Her expression is firm, and her tone carries a no-nonsense authority as she addresses the situation.

“Lando, the boys want to take a photo in the garage before the photographers leave for the day.” Gemma asserts as she shields Lando and glances at the fans. “Sorry, girls.”

Lando, still wearing a grateful smile for the fans, complies with Gemma's lead as she guides him into the garage. Recognizing the need for privacy, Gemma redirects him towards his driver's room, and as they step inside, she firmly shuts the door behind them.

The quiet confines of the driver's room offer a sanctuary away from the bustling activities in the garage. Gemma, concerned for Lando's well-being, addresses the incident with a protective edge in her voice.

"You okay?" She asks, ensuring that the intrusion from the fan didn't leave any lasting impact on him. Lando, appreciating Gemma's concern, nods with a genuine smile.

“They just did not want to let me go, thanks.”  Lando breathes, his hand resting on his chest.

“Poor girl wouldn’t stop touching you.” Gemma sighs as she watches Lando strip off his fireproof top leaving him bare chested.

“You just keep saving my ass today, huh?” Lando counters.

“I mean, who else?” Gemma teases.

“You’re kinda hot when you get all jealous.” Lando retorts.

“Me? Jealous? I think you’re mistaking me for someone else.” Gemma smirks, shaking her head.

“Yeah, you. Can’t share?” Lando teases her.

“Oh, no. Would you share your car with anyone?” Gemma asks as she rolls her eyes at him while he takes a step closer to her.

“Mmh, you make a good point.” Lando agrees. “We both don’t like sharing things we can ride.”

“Ew, stop.” Gemma laughs as she pushes her hand against his bare chest.

“You’re so sexy when you’re flustered.” He tells her as his hands land on her hips. “And, so turned on out of jealousy and all for me.”

“You’re the only one that makes me feel this way.” Gemma finally admits.

“Good.” Lando mumbles before he places a sweet kiss against her lips.

They kiss for a few minutes before Lando shuffles her over to the massage bed and lifts her up so she’s sitting on the bed.

“I have waited so long to kiss you again.” He whispers into her neck. “It’s been torture.”

Her fingers crawl into his hair and grip onto his curls as he continues to kiss down her neck. His hands travel up her thighs and under skirt.

“Consider yourself set free.” Gemma informs him and he pulls away from her, eyes wide. “Whatever you’ve been wanting, whatever you hoped for, I’m happy to give it a chance.”

“You serious?” Lando asks, his eyes glistening with hope.

“You’re all I ever think about, Lando.” She tells him as she cups his face in her hands. “I’ve just been too scared to admit it to myself, because I don’t want to get hurt again.”

“What changed your mind?” Lando wonders.

“No matter what, you’re always choosing me. You chose to stick around. You carried me to safety in the middle of the freaking woods. You could have let that girl flirt with you, yet you chose to come back inside with me. No one has ever chosen me or prioritised me the way you have and done it so patiently and confidently.” Gemma explains to him.

“God, I am so very much in love with you, Gem.” Lando admits, immediately sparking the blush in her cheeks once again. “From the second you told me that stupid refrigerator joke, I was done for.”

“Thank you for not giving up on me.” Gemma continues and sweetly kisses him again.

The following day during the race, Lando is able to move up from P15 to P3 and charges after Leclerc in P2 with only five laps left. Gemma’s eyes shift between the data streaming in on Oscar’s car and the race footage above it as she watches Lando driving. The mechanics found the issue with his hydraulic system and fixed it before the race started. He was driving brilliantly, but like a man possessed, determined to win his home race.

Gemma bites her nails as the anticipation becomes palpable around her as Lando takes second place from Leclerc with Max not far ahead. Four laps left.

“Head down and keep pushing.” Andrea radios Lando.

Three laps left and Lando is almost within DRS range. Two laps left and Lando has DRS. Lando and Max go wheel-to-wheel with Lando taking the lead coming into the Wellington straight and pulling away from Max. The McLaren crew starts cheering in the garage and the pitwall starts buzzing with chatter. One lap left. Lando still has a lead over Max. This is his race to win. Lando comes around Stowe and the crew rush to the pitwall as the chequered flag comes out. Lando sees the chequered flag first and roars over the finish line, winning his first ever F1 race at his home circuit.

The pit wall crew embrace each other as they cheer and celebrate Lando’s win. Tears well up in Gemma's eyes as she watches his onboard cool down lap before he pulls up against the P1 board. He gets out of the car and throws his hands up in victory. The crew envelope him and sing his praises and jump around. They eventually let him go as he looks up and spots Gemma proudly smiling, her hands clasped in front of her mouth. He jogs over to her and picks her up and spins her around.

“This is for you, baby!” He exclaims. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“I’m so proud of you.” She tells him as she grips his helmet in her hands.

[sleeper-kerennnnnnx]

MASHLE ：author's Q&A from fan book translation

Please point out any mistakes or errors! I will correct them ASAP, thanks so much!

I will translate this in four parts as there‘s 131 questions in total！

Here are the Q1-Q33 parts!

To the animation fans: There are slight references to the subsequent plot of the comics‼ ️ (Q11 and Q17) Those who are not interested in spoilers can avoid it

Q1. I want to know the name of the pastry shop that Mash will open in the future!

In addition, can rough dough fans and wet dough fans tolerate each other?

A1: The name of the shop is Beard Maggio. Unfortunately, the two cannot be compared, and such struggles of human beings like us have never stopped.

Q2: Will Mash marry Lemon?

A2: It's up to you to imagine.

Q3: What would it feel like if Mash had a different hairstyle?

A3: No one would recognize Mash. Because my character portrait is in the style of Miss Sazae (a comic).

Q4: How strong is Mash‘s grip?

A4: 600 kilograms. Like a gorilla.

Q5: How heavy is Mash's wristband?

A5: One ton, about as heavy as a black rhino.

Q6: Why do owls hate Mash so much?

A6: I don't know why. I'm often barked at by dogs, so it's probably the same feeling.

Q7: How did Mash escape from the castle and be picked up and adopted by Grandpa Regulo?

A7: Of course by the effort!

Q8: Regulo always calls Mash "son", but why does Mash call Mr. Regulo "grandpa"?

A8: Because Regulo looks more like grandpa, similar to a nickname.

Q9: I heard that Mash wants to be a pastry chef, so will he make other desserts besides puffs? In addition, what professions will Finn, Lance, Dot, and Lemon do in the future?

A9: He should start learning other desserts in the future. Finn may be a civil servant...? Lance will be an incredible person, Dot will be a registered tax agent or accountant, and Lemon may be an idol!

Q10: What is the badge on the chest of Mash's black tights?

A10: It's an owl! (Annotate：The badge can be found in the comics but not in the animation)

Q11: Why was Mash's hair slicked back when he awakened? Why did his skin turn black?

A11: Because the blood circulation became faster, the skin turned black and red! The hair also turned upside down because of the blood circulation!

Q12: Is it just a coincidence that Matthew can't do magic? Or did the Pure Root do something before he was born?

A12: It's just a coincidence! That's how genes work!

Q13: Cell War and Mash have similar hairstyles and magic lines. When they get close, they will resonate and cause headaches. Could it be that the Innocent Zero deliberately created such a replica?

A13: That's right! Cell War is a replica!

Q14: Has Mash's iron wand been used by other wizards before? Or has the iron wand been on the ground since it was made and no one has used it?

A14: No one has ever used that wand, it's always stuck on the floor! We don't know who it was made for (crying).

Q15: Finn later became a one liner, so did his second line disappear and become ineffective (crying)

A15: He's still growing up, not yet a complete double liner, so the second line will only appear when he's desperate!

Q16: Which of the parents of the Ames brothers (Finn and Rayne) has black hair and which has blond hair? Or do both parents have two-color hair?

A16: Both parents have two-color hair!

Q17: Did the relationship between the Ames brothers improve when they got together in the last chapter of the comic?

A17: The older brother is a tsundere, but it seems that the relationship has improved!

Q18: Why did Finn call Ryane "Onii-sama"  instead of "brother"?

A18: It's because the two keep their distance, there's a gap...

Q19: Ryane and Finn have always kept their distance. After Ryane became a divine awakener, did Ryane pay for Finn's living expenses?

A19: Ryane is quietly taking a long detour to help his brother bear the responsibility! (Translator comment: So cute hahahahaha)

Q20: Lemon said that the family conditions are not good. How bad are they? Can you tell me her story?

A20: The stew at home has no seasoning and tastes very bland (crying).

Q21: If Lemon's secondth and third-level magic awakens, will torture instruments and appear?

A21: Torture instruments should appear... (crying). So scary（crying).

Q22: What is Lemon's best dish?

A22: Egg rice bowl! This is not easy to make...

Q23: Which do you think is cuter, Lemon or love cute?

A23: Lemon! I like short hair!

Q24: Are the planet earrings that Lance often wears a gift from his parents? Or did he buy them himself?

A24: He bought them himself. (Translator comment: you are so trendy Lance...)

Q25: How is Lance's relationship with his parents?

A25: It's always bad... (crying)

Q26: If Anna has a boyfriend, how will Lance react?

A26: He will die!

Q27: Does Anna know that Lance is a sister-con and has a lot of her peripherals? If she knows, what does she think?

A27: It's okay! That's it!

Q28: Will Anna come to Easton to study?

A28: Yes! (Yeah!)

Q29: I want to know the name of Dort's third-level magic

A29: Because the personal magic is explosion magic, it is to summon "God of Explosion-Vulcanus"!

Q30: What is Dort's sister doing now? In addition, is she covering her eyes because of fashion or for some reason? I want to know if she has other secrets.

A30: She‘s now working outside! Good women are mysterious! So the reason is a secret!

Q31: I want to know what snacks that eat with tea Dot recommends!

A31: Madeleine cake! (Translator's note: small shell-shaped cake)

Q32: Does Dot know that he has Ira Kreuz? In addition, are his family members also people with Ira Kreuz?

A32: He knows that he is. His family all have Ira Kreuz. I don't really know what it means to be a person with Ira Kreuz!

Q33: Is the Barrett family the only one with Ira Kreuz?

A33: In addition to the Barrett family, there should be others!

Please click likes and subscribe if you enjoy it！Thanks for reading！hope you would like it and I‘ll update it ASAP

Chinese version is updated in：longyou1225.lofter.com

[shiny-kaibernyte]

Yo thanks for doing the fluffy romance hcs they're so fricking cute!!!! May I request err something Arven x M!Reader? (Presumably Florian so we've got the whole Titans and area zero dynamics?) Where Arven gets jealous of Kieran and Carmine's crush on his boyfriend, not to mention hearing Drayton asked him on a date?😩 I'm just starved for gay content lol

I shall quench your gay cravings. Apologies this took so long to get to I love Arven and I'm kicking myself in the teeth for not giving him the spotlight sooner

Pokémon Scarlett and Violet DLC Spoilers ahead!

When you finally returned from the exchange program; Arven was excited to hear about your journey. Your new friends however were an unexpected arrival and a not so welcomed introduction.

Warnings: Fluff, Jealousy, slightly possessive behaviour

SPOILER WARNING: Mild Spoilers for the Main SV game and both DLC Stories and characters.

Pokémon Headcanons | Arven x M.Reader (Jealousy)

When you first told Arven about the exchange trip and how you’d been selected for it cuz Pokémon plot, he wasn’t too happy. Not because you got the place; he was overjoyed for you in that regard. What upset him was the fact he couldn’t go with you. 

You weren’t able to contact him very much during the trip, service in the terrarium is HORRIBLE. So that only made his longing for you even more demanding. And you felt exactly the same way, missing your boyfriend even more everyday.

But finally after what felt like forever, the two of you were finally reunited. He practically bear hugged you when he saw you, almost crushing your bones in excitement. All you could do was laugh as Arven clung to you like a squirrel to an acorn. 

If it wasn’t for your extra company, he would have held you all the way back to the academy. Carry you if you’d let him. Dude was craving your attention after all this time. But when he saw who was accompanying you, a switch clicked within him. You’d told Arven about Kieran and Carmen during your brief trip to Kitagami, but he’d never met them before. And to say he didn’t like them would be an understatement.

Carmen wasn’t too big on his nerves, he wasn't a huge fan with how often she dragged away your attention, always wanting your opinion on her battling techniques; what to improve on etcetera. She reminded him of Nemona in that sense. But Kieran, that was a different story.

The way he was always standing behind you, looking at your expressions to see how you felt. Arven could see the way Kieran was always wanting your validation and it drove him in the wall. But what really grinded Arven the wrong way, was how often Kieran would grab your hand to show you something he’d spotted.

Whenever Kieran would do this, Arven would grab you by the waist or shoulder and pull you to his side, glaring at Kieran with an almost murderous intent. Grated Arven can’t hurt a Cutiefly, but that isn’t going to stop him from making a point.

“Hands off my boyfriend purple.” or “Don’t try and steal him now” Were the most common phrases you’d hear from Arven when Kieran would drag you away. 

If Carmen was the one taking your attention away, Arven would simply stand there irritated, sending the odd glare towards Carmen till she took the hint, that Arven wasn’t keen on sharing his boyfriend with a stranger.

Don’t try to convince him to like them. Regardless of what you’ve told him about them, he won’t trust them for a while. Hell it took the entire trip to Area Zero to even remotely start to like Nemona, so Carmen and Kieran are going to take a lot of effort to like.

But when Arven finally DOES come around, his clinginess and possessiveness over you lessens dramatically, he is a lot more comfortable around them and even starts to hang out with Kieran away from you and Carmen. 

However, during one of those hangouts. Kieran accidently let slip that Drayton, a kid from his school, asked you out on a date, multiple times actually. Most were jokes and you always turned them down. And that made Arven’s blood boil. 

He trusts you fully and completely, you're his boyfriend and he loves you. But knowing someone was chasing after your heart, the same heart he holds the key for, it drove him crazy. You didn’t sleep alone that night, and you also made it clear to Arven that you love him and only him.

[fumikomiyasaki]

So I made myself a Zenless Zone Zero sona too cause I have a lot of fun with the game right now and had a Sudden idea.

Name: Daffodil

Faction: New Eridu Public Security

Agent Rank: A

Role: Support

Department: Hollow affairs Department

Element: Ice

Weapon: Glove Crossbow

-Daffodil is a Thiren who at first wasn't taken much seriously when starting in Public security... the hollow always made her curious... she was much more driven by curiousities and a little green behind the ears but over time bonding with her colleagues she could prove many others wrong to be actually quite the capable officer...

-Acts serious most of the time but if you meet her outside of work she is much more a daydreamer, softer, often sitting at the noodles shop or the games to relax... and does even between missions take a nap in the lobby

-Has a weakness for fluffy things so she is eyeing Seth and von Lycaon but also hugs office MewMew if nobody is around

-Most people call her Officer Daf…. or Officer Daffodil but her colleagues are allowed to call her Daffy at times… just not in front of other people cause she gets embarrassed about that

-Is known to also sweet talk some criminals and do well at interrogation to get things out… she has quite a way of changing her attitude from sweet officer who just wants the best for you to… well cop that could strike you down with one ice arrow if you don't cooperate… she has good aim and can do warning shots too, only if needed of course, freezing someone in place does help against fleeing criminals

-takes her job very serious so you can see her overdo it at times and put in the effort to be recognized and make sure the job is done well

Relationships:

Zhu Yuan: became close friends over the time she joined N.E.P.S... Daffodil gives her often encouragement and they listen to anothers problems and issues... Daffodil often offering her a tea to calm. They are just like good old friends... almost like sisters and have a good combo to back another up.

Qingyi: At first Daffodil was very fascinated by her but learning more and getting used to her... she is often caught of guard by some of her comments but makes sure to be a good example to her as a rookie. At times Daffodil does correct her and show her the right ropes though.

Seth: At times he wants to be taken more serious by her cause she often just finds him adorable and grows affectionate so... its often a bit much for him. Its at least less teasing than Jane but still a lot to handle but he does like does affections of her at times, even if he isn't one to admit it. He still works hard to impress her and be worth the praise. Not knowing she might actually like him more than he thinks.

Jane: Daffodil is... exhausted by her to say the least... doesn't really trust her antics as a colleague, she can aknowledge her skills but as a hard worker to hear her get so much praise and act less serious at times discourages herself. However at times she thinks maybe she can learn something from her.

Anton: They seem to know another but its a relationship where he waves her from afar and she hides her face not wanting to be seen... their bond is awkward... it seems like they have history in the past but Daffodil does not want to talk about it. But if someone does talk bad about him she will get lightly defensive.

Von Lycaon: Overall Daffodil is a secret fan of Victorias housekeeping but... Lycaon is one of the main reasons cause of it... she admires him from afar with a blush and a smile but can barely speak a few words with him... before feeling emberassed... mayhaps she will get over it but for now...its how it is.

[marunalu]

The leaks are real but something just feels off about the chapter itself. While we’ve seen in a previous flashback(forgot which one), that Overhaul was very likely to be one of the orphan children prior to joining the Yakuza, it’s just the overall flow of the chapter just makes it seem unsatisfying and resulting in plot holes. Like AFO considered training teenagers to be his double but it seems rather forced to ask Kotaro to have another child and Hana doesn’t seem to reached double digits. Or copying the Overhaul Quirk and making decay out of it would mean that Afo and Garaki could’ve fixed the former’s issues unless Touya destroyed it by accident. And then there’s the situation where technically, only Bakugo won while every other student didn’t achieve their goals(Shoto, Ochaco and Izuku) and that chapter 420 is going to match a certain someone’s birthday.

It actually would make sense though to have the side characters beat AFO but having the other fights not mentioned yet be done off screen is still unsatisfying.

We know that in real life, Hori has health issues due to working with Shonen Jump and having the Dragon Ball creator die last month is very likely to make things more somber. I’m not going to be surprised if he had someone else draw some pages(unless the change in artstyle somehow is a plot point).

Isn’t MHA Izuku’s retelling of the events to someone? Overhaul or Eri are likely to be the Macguffins to give Izuku his arms back given what we’ve seen with Eri earlier so we’re going to have some chapters of celebration of the “win” and a small epilogue.

At least we have fan fiction since it’s very likely that people will ignore the ending.

Yeah this chapter feels soooo off! And dont let me start talking about all the plot holes and how a single chapter managed to destroy over the years built up plotpoints. Like you said WHY would afo and garaki not use the overhaul copy on afo to heal him ESPICIALLY because afo told garaki once "then hurry up and fix me doctor" after garaki mentioned that they havent found a fitting regeneration quirk yet and you are telling me THEY WOULDNT USE THE OVERHAUL COPY TO ARCHIVE THAT??? It was made clear afo wanted to get back to full health but he doesnt use the quirk that could fix him in ONE MINUTE??? Or an other plot hole: afo somehow (dont show just tell) managed to convince the shimuras to have an other child because he considered hana to old to get manipulated DESPITE that he owns orphanages full of children older then or around hanas age even TEENAGE touya and chisaki he considered as fitting vessels if tomura shouldnt work out but HANA was to old??? This is literally retconning what was already confirmed as facts!

And about bakugou: well he is horis golden child so OF COURSE only he is allowed to win since his character is all about winning. And unlike izuku, ochako and shoto he had ZERO emotional connection to afo. No deep. No feelings. Just to give bakugoubitch a win by giving the bad guy the final killing blow, immediately praised for doing so as if afo wasnt already half dead and severly weakend by dotzens of other heroes before who did so much more but BAKUGOU gets the praise (to be fair he did say it was a group effort but he still was the one who was praised first as if he did it all alone)! The ironic thing is bakugou did exactly what he always does: winning by killing. How ironic. Just a few chapters before we got afos backstory which revealed he was a victim of society too but I guess simply killing these kind of people changes everything to the better. Their society will not change. There will just show up an other afo or tomura at one point. Bakugou was allowed to beat and kill the main villain he had no relationship with but izuku, ochako and shoto are not allowed to safe their villain counterparts they actually have a relationship with. I mean its very possible that toga is alive because she is nowhere to be found, but touya even if he survives made clear he will never forgive his family and most likely ending terrible disabled (except if deux ex machine eri will be used here as well) and izuku who FINALLY was able to reach tomura has to watch how he gets destroyed by afo. The leaks say afo completly destroyed tomuras mind so that means he is pretty much dead and only his body remains which is now in afos full control. No final confrontation between afo and yoichi. Nope yoichi is just gone and afo doesnt even look that pissed off about it.

There are fights completly left out. We dont really see any of the other students fight, we just get told they won. We dont see the confrontation between aizawa, mic and kurogiri and just need to accept they eventually reached him and if anything we will only get a small flashback of the events. Its so disappointing and lame. It feels like as if hori just wants to end the manga as fast as possible so he uses his beloved "tell dont show" way of writing.

About horis health issues. I get that. As a huge bleach fan I was so dissapointed how rushed the last arc of bleach was but I was able to understand why. Kubo had health issues too and was forced by shonen jump to end the manga in 10 chapters. No one was more pissed off about that but kubo and if he had been healthy bleach would have lasted at least for an other year. But with hori it feels different. It feels like as if he really just wants to end the whole thing because he lost his interest. The last few arcs have been not really well written. I dont know if akira toriyamas sudden death plays a role in this disaster of a chapter. I get that it was a shock for the manga world. I get that mangakas loved the guy. But maybe instead of rushing the plot and retconning already built plot points hori should just have taken a long break to get himself together if it really affected him that much AND to get rest. Toriyama still lives through his work and will inspire many new mangakas for the comming 50 years or more.

By the way Im not worried about izukus arms at all. Its obvious eri will get used as the deux ex machine to restore them. If its not her then overhaul but Im pretty positiv she will heal izuku. The thing is even if izuku gets finally his confrontation with afo its clear he will win and afo will die.... again. Wow, how creativ. The only thing I hope is that if dfo is canon then izuku will somehow reach afo to get at least a little bit of emotion in that fight and will convince him to let tomura go if there is still a chance to safe him. Im still to 100% sure dfo is canon by the way but I dont think it will have an statisfying outcome and will be rushed as hell.

All in all this was a very dissapointing outcome. I know the manga is not over yet so hori could still surprise us, but I dont have much hope left for a good and well written ending of the story. I really need to stop praising hori when he writes a REALLY good chapter like the one before, because everytime I do that the very next chapter is a pile of shit!

Sorry, if I sound so aggressive and harsh by the way, but this chapter really pissed me off. The ONLY thing I liked about it is the fact that its to 100% confirmed that afo can change his appearance which is a huge win for dfo. Also sorry for the rant and for possible gramatic errors but I wrote this whole thing in a hurry and most likely left a few dotzen things out that pissed me off. 😅

[maddys-nerd-blog]

Maddy’s Favorite TMNT Films Ranked!

It’s my birthday!!! I’m officially 25, which makes me shudder cuz I’m in my quarter life crisis now. REGARDLESS! Since it’s the day of my birth I thought it right to do something special!!

And that’s rank ALL the TMNT movies from my least favorite to my all-time faves!

I’m honored you all enjoyed my silly episode ranking, it was tons of fun to do and I loved writing it!! Chatting about these turtles has been nothing but fun and brings me tons of comfort, so I’m happy to do one of these again! I just pray my opinions aren’t too controversial 🤣🤣

Ten movies, all about four teenage mutant ninja turtles. One nerd to review these. This’ll be fun!!

Let’s kick some shell! 💜💜💜

Some criteria!

These are just my thoughts on the films! I’m not the end all, be all of what movie is THE BEST or THE WORST. If you like a movie that may have ranked lower, that’s awesome!! Let’s all share our opinions on them and have a fun time!

Straight to DVD films are included in this lineup!

The live concerts and We Wish You a Turtles Christmas are not allowed cuz those are fever dreams 🤣

I’ll be doing a classic ranking system from the bottom all the way to the top!

SPOILERS BEWARE! … AGAIN 🤣🤣 and some slight swearing, I may have gotten excited while writing this 🤣🤣🤣

Let’s begin!

10: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3 ( 1993 )

My Score: 2 out of 10.

This movie is a fever dream and I can’t be convinced otherwise 🤣

I mean, can you blame me? This was made in a last ditch effort to get Turtlemania back in the mainstream just as it began to die down… and this was a BAD way to win fans back.

From the terrible comedy to the worst TMNT villain in the franchise to grace the silver screen in the form of Walker. Don’t even get me started on the god awful turtle costumes this time around because… dear lord, they’re nightmare fuel. If I saw these guys in an alley I’d run for the hills! They’re downright grotesque to look at! All the characters are either whiny, boring, or unlikable. I have nothing but respect to the voice actors of Leonardo and Michelangelo for sticking it through all three of the classic movies, despite the terrible script they had to work with in this installment. I also feel awful for Elias Koteas, who got the short end of the hockey stick— see what I did there? I’ll see myself out 😂— after ALL the grief Karen’s made him deal with after the first movie, getting booted from the sequel as a result of their nagging, only to be brought back to this mess. And what was with the ancestor-but-maybe-not-but-wait-he-might-be guy that Koteas was also playing??? His character made ZERO sense!

And that Splinter puppet???? THAT THING IS UGLY.

I would never watch this one again unless it was for memes. “What did you expect, maybe the Addams family?!”

No, but I expected a better script than this BS.

9: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out Of The Shadows ( 2016 )

My Score: 3.4 out of 10

This may be a tighter script and a slightly more coherent plot, but DAMN, I can’t bare to watch this one for more than ten minutes on a good day.

First of all, Leonardo in this one is downright terrible and a bad leader. I’m STUNNED he never gets reprimanded by his Sensei for his nasty treatment of his brothers— telling Donnie to LIE TO HIS FAMILY ABOUT THE OOZE????? That’s out of character! Belittling Raph with that whole ‘There’s only one vote that counts’ line???? And putting the blame on him and Mikey for the police station fiasco?! He comes off as a bully!!

The plot is somewhat stronger than the first but it’s just taking elements from the Marvel movies, such as the hole in the sky like The Avengers. Shoving needless fan service in our faces as if to say ‘SEE??? WE LEARNED FROM THE FIRST ONE, WE HEARD YOU, THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED RIGHT?! LOOK! THERE’S A FROZEN NEUTRINO ON KRANG’S SHIP!’ Sorry, but this ain’t the Sonic movie, it isn’t going to work unless you actually respect the material you’re adapting! Like with the Sonic movie! They fixed Sonic’s look because of fan demand, and they actually respected their advise! Here though? It’s like they’re just throwing it in our faces just to spite us. It’s not coming from a place of love. Casey Jones in this film is a joke— what a waste to this iconic character to turn him from a badass vigilante into a whining baby vying for April’s affection. Bebop and Rocksteady are annoying as hell. Stockman sucks. Karai is a nothing sandwich. Shredder barely does ANYTHING. And Krang??? EW. Just… ew.

But for all my ranting this far, I do have some positives from this one— April actually gets to have a playful personality which is fun! Once again the turtles are the highlight. Their designs this time around are great!! Less accessories but it allows for more room to show the guys’ fighting abilities and the accessories they do have is there as an added bonus, not to clutter their look! I feel like this was Donnie and Raph’s movie more than anything! The amount of attention they get in this film alone shows that there were writers who loved these guys and treated them with respect! That scene where Donnie single-handedly TOOK CONTROL OF A CRASHING AIRPLANE USING HIS BO AS THE STEERING?! THAT WAS SICK!!! And Raph once again is an absolute BEAST in battle! The motion capture artists are phenomenal as the titular man characters, they all had great chemistry together! I just feel awful that they had to be treated so badly behind the scenes…

It’s not a great movie, and even with the few redeeming factors it still makes me irritated.

8: Turtles Forever ( 2009 )

My Score: 3.5 out of 10

PLEASE DON’T HATE ME 🤣

Remember what I said about us not getting a proper crossover until Ciro Nieli adapted the 1987 turtles into the show?

Yeeeeeah. This one was NOT it. And this was supposed to be the 25th anniversary movie???

For some reason, ALL the ‘03 turtles are so bitter and mean to the 87 counterparts. They’re putting them down at every instance where combat or character bonding is involved, which is ridiculous. ‘03 Donnie WOULD NEVER be so nonchalant about meeting another version of himself— and why does he constantly put down ‘87 Donatello for his inventions??? They should be hyping each other up and talking techno babble! Why is Splinter the only likable person in the whole movie?! Why did they change April and Casey’s designs to look like random anime characters?! ( NOTE: I know they changed them to match the 2007 film at the time, I’m just being funny )

I already can’t stand the ‘03 version of Shredder but DAMN, they’re making him out to be the most amazing version of him out there. It’s like the writers behind this movie are ragging ‘87 Shredder— WHY DID THEY MAKE HIM A HAPLESS IDIOT?! They gave ‘87 Shredder so much disrespect! In the original cartoon, while he could be used for laughs, he was also taken seriously and seen as a very real threat. He was no slouch whatsoever either, he easily took the turtles out in one episode in season two! The only ones who actually stayed ‘in character’ were Bebop and Rocksteady! It’s like this movie is tearing down what made the OG series fun and iconic to build the ‘03 turtles up to be THE greatest team. I just wanted these two teams to be working together and learning from one another in their own ways! Like, imagine a scene where ‘87 Raphael teaches ‘03 Raph to rip the fourth wall! Or ‘03 Mike and ‘87 Mikey showing each other their own nunchuck tricks! You know? ACTUAL BONDING????

And yes, the OG voice actors were swapped cuz of union disputes by 4Kids. The only one that sounds kind of like his original voice was the guy playing ‘87 Raph. Otherwise? They all sound pretty bad. It actually made me cringe the first time I got around to hearing them, I did NOT get used to them.

I understand there’s an extended cut out there that addresses some of the issues that were cut for time, but unfortunately we don’t have that version to go off of, so I’m left with this.

All I have to say is, THANK YOU CIRO NIELI!!!

7: TMNT ( 2007 )

My Score: 6 out of 10

No this was not intentional 🤣🤣🤣

We’re nearing the halfway point and we’ve reached the TMNT movie I saw as a kid! Fun fact, this movie came out after my birthday and I BEGGED my dad to take me to see it. So as a birthday treat he took me and my brother to see it opening day! Not only was this my introduction to the turtles, but it made eight year old me curious about the series!

Is it as good as I remember?

Well… no, but it’s not bad!

I’ll admit, the plot is kinda slapdash and nonsensical. Like… I know, I know, this is a franchise about teenage turtles who learn ninjutsu and fight a man dressed like a cheese grater. But even for me this story is out there. Why do the Stone Generals have no personality or defining traits other than the weapons they use? Why is Winters so generic? The concept of an immortal general searching for thousands of years for the lost monsters to atone for his terrible mistakes is cool, just not for this franchise if that makes sense. Also this movie doesn’t seem to wanna give Donnie or Mikey any agency; they’re mainly in the background doing comedic stuff or off on the wayside with nothing to do whilst Leo and Raph are pushed into the spotlight. For a story centered around bringing a fractured family back together we don’t get to see how Mikey or Donnie have been handling Leo’s absence during his time spent in Costa Rica.

Yet through this muddy plot we have some of the most iconic/ memorable moments in this franchise! Raph being the Nightwatcher— which is coming back in the comics soon!, Donnie’s tech support meme, THE LEO VS RAPH FIGHT ON THE ROOFTOPS WHICH STILL LOOKS FREAKIN AMAZING TO THIS DAY???? Seriously, Imagi Studios had such an incredible future ahead of them, it’s a shame they went bankrupt! Some of my favorite actions moments in this movie are towards the end where the family is in Winters’ compound and we’re treated to a one-take camera pan of them brawling through a slew of Foot ninja!

And the voice cast here is great!!! Nolan North as Raph??? James Arnold Taylor as Leo?! CHRIS EVANS AS CASEY?! AND MOTHER FING MAKO, AKA UNCLE IROH HIMSELF AS SPLINTER?! It’s a great ensemble!!! Everyone here clearly gave it their all, they should all be praised for this!!

You can tell there was a ton of attention to detail put into this one, and that the people behind it had tons of fun animating it. We could have had a really cool film series on our hands had the studio not fallen under. Otherwise, I still enjoy watching this purely for nostalgia purposes!

6: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: Secret of the Ooze ( 1991 )

My Score: 6.9 out of 10

For a movie made right after the first to cash in on the Turtlemania high, I gotta say, this one’s really fun!

It’s not without flaws though; Karen’s gotta ruin the fun once again and the tone was dragged WAAAAAAY down to take away the darker themes from the previous film cuz they thought children couldn’t handle any action that was too violent. Karen’s also took Mikey’s nunchucks away and got rid of Casey. The story is goofier and doesn’t allow for any space for these characters to breathe or emote past being lighthearted and funny. April isn’t as down to earth since Judith Hoag was replaced, Casey Jones is sorely missed in this story, Tokka and Razar are just dumb, bumbling monsters made to replace Bebop and Rocksteady. Professor Perry is obviously supposed to be Stockman, and the Shredder doesn’t truly engage with the turtles until the end of the movie. The Super Shredder was just a missed opportunity! The turtles don’t get to use their weapons at all except for Donnie cuz he uses a giant stick.

The positives outweigh all of that though! As always the turtles are fun and lovable, the new voice for Donnie is awesome, we get some great comedy spliced throughout the film, the Go Ninja dance sequence is so memorable that to this day people are still bringing it up! And I’d be remiss if I didn’t bring up the introduction to Keno, played by Ernie Ryes Jr., the stunt double of Donatello in the first film!! Keno is a GREAT addition to this cast! I adored his quips and the action stunts he pulls off are thrilling! I honestly think he’d be an awesome character to keep bringing back in new projects! COUGH MUTANT MATHEM SHOW COUGH. I wish he was in more stuff cuz he really is a fun addition to the roster! I even had the opportunity to meet Ernie Ryes Jr. this last summer with a friend of mine, and he was SO nice and SO chill! He was so excited to meet fans who were talking about TMNT, and when I told him how much the franchise meant to me, he gave me a hug and took a pic with me!!! He was such a great guy!!!

I can always go back to this one and smile throughout the movie! Also, GO NINJA GO NINJA GO—

ONTO THE TOP FIVE!! From here on out these are the movies I can rewatch over and over and never grow tired of viewing them!! So let’s get this party started!!

5: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ( 2014 ) ⭐️

My Score: 7.8 out of 10

Say what you will, but I love the first movie more than the sequel 🤣

I love this movie, it’s a ton of fun and the action is truly a spectacle! I feel like I had more fun with this first movie than it’s sequel because, firstly, the plot is quick and engaging. Sure, there are some issues, but I can forgive it because…

This movie IS JUST FUN.

I know this is gonna be a controversial opinion but I really like the first movie over the sequel! I really liked April! I’m of the opinion that Megan Fox can be a decent actress if she’s given the right script, and in this movie, despite the fact she might not have the most compelling arc, she’s still a good interpretation of the spunky reporter we all love! Will Arnet is also pretty funny as Vern! I still think Sacks should have been Stockman instead of Shredder. Making that swap has no integral change to the plot and it would have made more sense. Like… why not keep the mad scientist character as the already established mad scientist? The origin change inspired by the IDW comics may be jarring but I didn’t mind it! It’s just a different iteration of their upbringing but it still remains true to the turtles themselves!

The motion capture technology for the turtles is jaw dropping. I mean it. It feels like Megan Fox is making direct eye contact with these giant mutants, they’re interacting with the scene and characters, when they engage people in combat you FEEL those blows and believe they’re actually beating the snot out of these thugs.

But by far, the turtles are the biggest highlight of this movie. They’re tons of fun to watch and their banter and chemistry is great!

Do they have tons of needless accessories? Yeah

Do they look cluttered? Yeah

But does that take from their personality? NO

Donnie IS A CINNAROLL AND MUST BE CHERISHED. I feel his own techy gadgets and gear adds to his introverted personality! He’s such a lovable dork and I really liked him in this one! Jeremy Howard is a perfect fit to voice/ act for him, nobody can convince me otherwise. PLUS THAT ONE MOMENT WHERE HE SMASHES HIS BO INTO A FOOT GOON’S KNEECAP????

Raph IS A FREAKIN BEAST! GOD-DAYUM, this turtle is easily the strongest incarnation of the hothead to date! Tossing shipping containers like it’s nothing, casually breaking through steel fans to create a blockade against the Foot! I might be in the minority but Alan Richardson is THE first voice I think of when I’m told to say which Raph I prefer!

Mikey is still a bit iffy for me cuz of the weird innuendo jokes, but I can see why people like him! I still think him flying around on a hoverboard skateboard is dope as hell though. And Leo is likable in this one!! He’s actually a responsible older brother who’s devoted to his family and not a selfish jerk keeping secrets from his brothers 🤣🤣😂

Plus, the emotional parts of this one hit harder than the sequel for me, especially on my first viewing. The Splinter Vs Shredder fight is intense and really REALLY well choreographed, very inventive and exciting with all the stunts Splinter pulls off. The moment where Leo and Mikey both scream for their father, the blink and you miss it line of Leo calling Splinter ‘dad’— which was improvised by Leo’s motion capture actor— and the gut-wrenching aftermath of the battle where they’re led away in chains believing their father is dead… that may have gotten me misty eyed.

The snow chase? Badass.

The climax? Pretty damn good.

That elevator scene that was entirely off script and improvised by the motion capture actors? BEST SCENE IN THE ENTIRE FILM.

Is this the best? No, but it didn’t have to be! I love this one! And I can happily say it’s the most fun I’ve had with the Bayverse turtles 🤣

4: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ( 1990 ) ⭐️

My Score: 8.9 out of 10

This is, without question, one of the most stunning displays of practical effects and costume work in any film made at this time. Henson’s Creature Workshop truly outdid themselves in this feature with their work on the turtles.

The turtles look like living, breathing creatures. They actually look as though they’re real! There a small flaws, yes, but I can look past it because the amount of detail and effort that went into these things is incredible!! The stunt actors brought the action to a whole new level in those suits! You can tell every ounce of passion was put into this, and everyone had so much faith in seeing that these turtles lifelike! Brian Tochi, Josh Pais, Corey Feldman and Robbie Rist were perfectly cast as the four mutant turtles!!!

Judith Hoag plays a phenomenal April! Fun, spunky, witty and clever! I met her last summer too and she was truly wonderful!! Such a kind woman who listened to my story and connected with me!

Whoever hired Elias Koteas as Casey needs an eternal raise. He looks like he popped out of the comic and came to life. He was perfect!!

Splinter in this movie IS A GREAT FATHER AND AN AWESOME PARENT.

Shredder gives me chills he’s so intimidating.

When this movie came out everyone went bonkers with Turtlemania fever. The critics slept on this one because this was Eastman and Laird’s comics brought to reality. Steve Barron of Take on Me fame delivered on presenting the dark and gritty nature of the turtle’s lives and how brutal the Foot truly is.

I gotta highlight that score for this film because John DuPrez??? You’re a GENIUS.

My only issue is Danny. He was just obnoxious and selfish the whole way through until the climax. Like… hope you have a couple thousand dollars left to give April instead of the 20 you stole, kid, YOU GOT HER HOUSE BURNED DOWN.

THAT FIGHT SCENE ON THE ROOFTOP IS DOPE AND FUCKING AMAZING. AND CASEY CASUALLY TURNING SHREDDER INTO CRUSHED TUNA???? WE LOVE A BASED CASEY.

I don’t know what else to say other than this is the epitome of a true 90’s classic.

3: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie ( 2022 ) 🥉

My Score: 9 out of 10

Holy. Shit.

This movie LOOKS FUCKING GORGEOUS. DISNEY WHO????? DREAMWORKS WHO???

Before I got into the fandom I found this movie through the trailer and Black Nerd Comedy’s discussion about it. On a day I was bored I turned this on.

AND THIS MADE MY JAW DROP.

I had ZERO clue this movie looked as visually pleasing as it did. I adore this film and the animation behind it. It’s so clean, so slick, the pacing is just right, the action alone made the hair on my arms stand up! I love watching the animatics and storyboards behind the action scenes of this film just to study it and marvel at how freakin talented these artists and animators are!!!!

The voice cast knocked it out of the ballpark! Ben Schwartz in particular deserves massive praise for his performance as Leo, such a dynamic range of emotion to balance out the ‘comedy guy’ to ground him in this serious situation. Plus, Sora from Kingdom Hearts is in this as Casey Jr! 🤣🤣 his character arc having to change from the carefree prankster to the leader who had to step up and save his family is a thrilling plot point we see unfold!

I loved the characters!! I loved the score!!! I loved how this film wasn’t afraid to be genuinely SCARY with the Krang.

The angst???? The whump???? THE CLIMACTIC SHOWDOWN???? CHEFS KISS!!

WHY DID I NOT DISCOVER RISE SOONER?!

I can’t help but gush over this movie of because this is top notch quality!!! I have nothing to say, this one is OP!

2: Batman Vs The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ( 2019 ) 🥈

My Score: 9.8 out of 10

I.

FUCKING.

LOVE.

THIS CROSSOVER.

Literally one of the best crossover films of all time. I adore this Hellboy art style for the film, I adore the opening intro where it’s all German-deco-Impressionism/ noir influenced and it’s all dark and covered in shadow minus the blips of color to symbolize the characters.

I adore the handling of the martial arts versus the brutal, grounded combat style of Batman! I love how the animators literally used the backgrounds to their advantage and made them pieces for the characters to use as weapons!

I adore how the turtles have such natural banter and chemistry with one another! I love how Batgirl and Donnie bond!!! I adore how everyone plays off of each other! The dialogue is fun and full of charm! I loved watching Batman and Shredder going completely off the rails on each other!

I love Donnie!!

I love Mikey!!

I love Batgirl!!

I love the subtle reference to Pink Floyd!!!

I LOVE ALL THE REFERENCES TO ALL THE DIFFERENT ITERATIONS OF TMNT HISTORY BECAUSE YOU KNOW THESE WRITERS/ STORYBOARDERS/ DIRECTORS CARED ABOUT THIS.

My only complaint? The Batman villains are underutilized, their mutant designs are bland as hell and Joker and Harley suck. But I’ve always hated those two so that’s not an issue with the film itself.

That pizza party at the end MAKES this for me. I got the comics this was adapted from, those are SOOOOO GOOD!

Nothing but high praise here. All my heart goes to this one. And this used to be my champion, until this movie blew it out of the water…

1: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem ( 2023 ) 👑

My Score: 12 out of 10

This. THIS is the quintessential TMNT film experience.

Call me biased. Call me boring. Call me basic, but THIS MOVIE SAVED ME THIS PAST SUMMER.

The teaser came out the week of my birthday last year. I couldn’t stop smiling when we got that first taste of what the animation was going to be like. It was like a feast for the eyes!

I trained myself not to watch ANYTHING past that first trailer. I had to ignore leaks and spoilers for MONTHS, I even ignored the posters of the characters themselves because I wanted to be genuinely surprised by who was in the movie. It was like I was prepping for Endgame all over again. I got the figures to prepare for the movie, I bought early fan screening tickets in advance, I took my best friend with me to share the moment cuz there was no way I was NOT gonna have my bestie there too. I even custom tie dyed a shirt with Leo and Donnie’s colors and decked myself out in TMNT gear the day of the premier. I went into that movie bouncing in my seat.

And I left that movie smiling with joy and laughing and crying. And then I proceeded to see it THREE MORE TIMES IN THEATERS. That’s an honor only reserved for the movies that have moved me enough to cry.

The plot is simple but the twists and turns they take leaves you surprised and on the edge! The soundtracks are STELLAR, both the score and the music they used. There are plenty of Easter eggs to find on a rewatch. The jokes ALWAYS LAND! I love these weird cringy turtles and their memes 🤣🤣

The turtles are precious babies that must be protected! Leo is awkward but lovable. Donnie is a Cinnaroll. Raph is hilarious and probably needs a stress toy to calm his anger. Mikey is a joy to watch and he’s relatable! April is fun as hell, MUTANT MAYHEM SPLINTER IS A GREAT DAD AND IN MY TOP THREE BEST RAT DADS LIST. Superfly is HELLA scary, the iconic mutants they included are fun, MONDO GECKO MY BABY BOY LOOK AT HIM GO!

This voice cast is going to become iconic. Everyone from Ice Cube to Jackie Chan to Paul Rudd to the very first actual teen cast of the titular characters!!! Nicolas Cantu, Micah Abbey, Brady Noon and Shamon Brown Jr delivered excellent performances and brought these guys to life!

THIS ANIMATION IS SO UNIQUE AND COOL!!! It looks like EVERY medium was explored and used— everything from 3D to sketchy hand drawn, erratic wild outlining to claymation?! DUDE THIS IS LITERALLY SPIDERVERSE BUT FOR TMNT!!!

The MOTHER FUCKING NO DIGGITY MONTAGE ARE YOU KIDDING ME—

It was all I wanted. It was everything I wanted it to be and then some. After the shit I had to go through in 2023, it felt like a giant breath of fresh air to enjoy something I was so excited for, if only just for an hour and a half. I went straight home and showed my older sister, who was recovering at home at the time during one of her treatments, all the merch I got from the fan event and rattling off about the movie. She laughed and said ‘I’m glad you had a great time!’

Not gonna lie, I was apprehensive when I heard Seth Rogan was the one helming this project cuz his track record of movies hasn’t been the most… friendly to sit through. But, with this? I tip my hat to him! He delivered for the fans, big time.

I loved this film. It’s my favorite TMNT movie of all time. I’m totally stoked for the new series coming out this summer. All I have left to say?

COWABUNGA! 💜❤️🧡💙

TADA~! And that’s it! This took me a week to finish but I’m proud of it!! 😁 I had so much fun making this list!!!

What would you rank these movies? I’d love to know and hear your thoughts on them!! 😁

Thanks for reading!! Have a great day! 💜💜💜💜

@queen-with-the-quill @tending-the-hearth @mermmarie @lameboobah @tmnt-tychou @indieyuugure @wasted-and-ready @figuringitoutasigoalong @angelicdavinci @zandiiangelspit @jadethest0ne @turtle-babe83

[pinklikeroses]

I really don’t like how one demential Stella is from helluva boss. She has the potential to be a really interesting complex character but is watered down to be a mean wife with zero development

I also don’t like how the show and the fans justify stolas’s cheating.

It’s terrible that he was forced to take part in an arranged marriage and that even though he made an effort to at least have a platonic or cordial relationship with Stella—

That she rebuffed his efforts and was a total asshole to him.

But no one deserves to be cheated on. I really hate how with a lot of media these days….characters both in canon and fandoms are written as black and white and aren’t given proper layers. And I think fandoms have ruined that. Like, you can still like a terrible character while acknowledging that they’re a terrible person without making shitty excuses for them

You can hate/ dislike a bad character without justifying all the terrible things that happened to them. I think the problem is ppl will give their faves or protagonist the benefit of the doubt or give them grace but characters we’re supposed to hate, that are written as bad, don’t deserve grace and patience and understanding

For some characters that’s true….some characters don’t deserve sympathy some characters don’t deserve redemption

But there’s a proper way to write it and I feel like creators and fans are missing that

Some of y’all already know how I feel about lore Olympus

It does a bad job of writing complex characters and holding the “bad” ones to a higher standard. So much so it backfires.

Minthe is one of the characters that was done SO dirty and was only put there to be an obstacle for hxp same as Demeter.

Minthe cheating on hades? Bad! Persephone persuing hades even after discovering he was already in an official relationship? That’s okay!

Because she’s our main protagonist! She’s nice! And not mean like that b*tch minthe!

Zeus cheating on Hera multiple times, with different women for decades? Bad! Zeus is a womanizing jerk who ditched his kids and mistreats his wife!

Hera cheats on Zeus by having an on again off again affair for freaking decades!?! That’s okay! Bc we love Hera! She supports hxp! She’s trying to set them up! She feels bad for poor poor hades! She’s constantly mistreated by her husband so that’s okay

Stolas was mistreated by Stella who was and is a terrible spouse but that doesn’t justify his cheating. I do feel bad for him sometimes. It sucks that the physical relationship he had for blitzo turned emotional and that he started having romantic feelings for him,only to get rejected time and time again. Stolas isn’t an entirely bad character we see multiple sides of him, he loves his daughter, he cares about blitzo he tried to do right by Stella. But even good characters can still do bad things.

And I don’t wanna hear “well they’re In hell lol 🤪” especially since we’ve seen multiple how monogamy and marriage are treated in this show. If the show is addressing how important it is..then it matters. If it didn’t it wouldn’t…..

It would’ve been nice to see that development and care be put into Stella instead of the classic hateful wife/spouse….

[ravensvirginity]

I want to say thank you for your insight into Raven's character, especially in terms of relationships as more and more I've seen that 1) too many think Gar is her only love interest AND the only one who made an effort to reach out to her thus diminishing the impact others have done for her further especially the usually shafted Vic, Kory, and Joey (who all had actual chemistry and heartfelt moments with her). And 2), acting like since she and Gar are in a (rushed and OoC) happy relationship that is the end of Raven's character journey and her fans should like it. Gar or no Gar I don't like how Raven's stories have been taken over by romance as a cure to all her problems. I'm somewhat hopeful on John Layman as he's an experienced writer who seems to have grown up reading NTT rather than someone who are more familiar with the TT cartoon versions and it shows with some writers. Still don't think I'll ever care for BBRae and look forward to them breaking up and doing things without each other again whenever they will be.

Thanks, I'm glad you like my posts!

I really agree so much with your second point. Not everyone will necessarily agree with this, but in my opinion a comic book character can't get their happily ever after if comics are still being written about them. That's the ending of a story, and there's no end to Raven's story in sight, since they're going to keep writing comics about her and every other moderately popular DC character until the day the company shuts down. That doesn't mean that they can't have character arcs and improve their situations, but I have no interest in seeing Raven consistently written as 100% recovered, healthy, and normal.

Especially considering Raven clearly doesn't have a happily ever after. Trigon was literally just attacking her friends and turning her evil, and the resolution to that story didn't even kill him (tell us what "Demons don't die. They just fade away." means Tom!!!) Which goes back to my first point, I think. I don't think she can necessarily never have a romance but she definitely can't have the super pain free zero angst one she's having with Gar right now while Trigon is still alive and trying to corrupt her. Even if Trigon was killed, she's not going to just instantly let go of that repression overnight.

I don't think it's impossible to write Raven still in character while in a romance. I don't even think it would be impossible with Gar, even though he'd still be far from my first choice. But the way they're writing her relationship with Gar right now is so, so OOC, and yeah I hope Layman does a better job than Taylor did. Unfortunately he's already said that BBRae will be sticking around (it's fully possible that he genuinely likes the relationship, but I'd bet money that BBRae is an editorial mandate rn for the characters). Hopefully the way they're written will at least be more in character.

[batsplat]

omgg i started following you because i loved your motogp posts and i did not expect to get emotionally attacked about my tennis fave like this. you've lit expressed everything ive felt abt tennis lately like daniil's return game has developed so well these last few years if only his shoulders were still functional he wld be soo unstoppable (i remember like last 2 year-ish when his serve suddenly went to shit and i was like wtf is going on?? but then it turned out his shoulders don' work anymore😭😭😭) ngl i did not expect him to make it to the ao finals this yr at all but then he did and i started getting hope again and then well uk what happened next... (i actually went to bed when he was up 2 sets because i alrdy had premonitions for what was abt to happen and i didnt need that experience twice 😭) anyways i finally quit watching the men's tour reguarly middle of this yr-ish because mostly because my biggest opp started winning big tournanments/slams consistently and i cld not take it anymore (part of why i got into motogp ig, i needed a new thing to fill in the hole)

also ur thing being having to be the chosen one in men's tennis is soo true but i wld argue it cld even be broadened down to being in the chosen generation... every 90s born player doomed to be seen as the weak links of the sport, both forever destined to be surpassed by those who came before and those who came after...

anyways mostly i also just wanted to thank you for writing all your super information motogp posts!! not only is ur writing style super informative/consistent, all the topics u've written abt feel super unique like i doubt i wld ever randomly stumble elsewhere. i'm not that good w/ words so idk how to fully express my appreciation, but your posts are the main reason i started delving into more past motogp races and interviews instead of just sticking to current ones which has 1000% made my experience of becoming a motogp fan more enjoyable!

🥺🥺 such a nice ask from a fellow sufferer... I actually tried to sleep in for the ao final and managed for like. maybe a set. it's so funny to have a whole fanbase quite literally begging their player not to go up two sets to love, zero hindsight needed I was HORRIFIED by that second set going his way... especially since I noticed the balance of play in the actual games had changed and meddy wasn't winning any return points anymore, just relying on an earlier break to seal that set iirc. and then I started going for increasingly desperate tactics to distract myself when the inevitable happened in the next three sets (including rewatching marc marquez: all in, it was rough man, like I get what you're saying about getting into motogp to escape because generally I too have fled to this sport whenever tennis has most been pissing me off)

and obviously that final was very trauma flashbacks to my definitive sports trauma, a match I'm STILL not over and at this rate have accepted I'll be miserable about until the day I die. but this time I couldn't even BLAME him because it was an insane effort to even get to the final, he'd done such a fantastic job given his tennis really wasn't there at the start of the tournament, he just kept figuring out ways to win... the hurkacz match where he basically ran out of fuel in the fourth, that crazy semifinal where he just refused to know when he was beaten, and then taking two sets off sinner in that final!! the resilience and the grit but also the tactical acumen, like my god when he blindsided hurkacz by radically altering his return position RIGHT AFTER doing that post-match back-and-forth with courier where he explained in detail why he favoured his regular return position. the cleverness and the bravery he showed in clutch points in that semi, something that zverev is completely incapable of (monte carlo 2023 still lives rent free lol), like the psychology of that match slapped. how he took it so sinner, completely caught him off guard by mixing up his game, and it was WORKING. really managed to change the dynamic of that match up... he lost that match first and foremost in his legs. just so cruel after everything. we had the guy who easily disposed of an admittedly rubbish djokovic in the semis on the ropes. and it still. was. not. fucking. enough. one of the best slam final runs in recent memory and it still wasn't enough!! he's already far outperformed what he SHOULD have been capable of in his career and somehow he keeps developing a game style which should have plateaued ages ago and I have so much respect for the work him and gilles have done post-2022... and he really should have more to show for it

anyway yeah I remember the serve decline in 2022, back when I was really in the weeds with analysing meddy's game. and that was also the year it felt like his legs completely deserted him. his deciding set record that year was horrific after ao, very rarely even got it that far win or lose and when he did so almost always lost (karatsev was cramping, let's not talk about the other third set win)

scorelines from the tour finals genuine miracle i did not throw myself into the sea

only one four set match post-ao and he also lost that, incidentally. and obviously that was partly because his brain was fucked, BUT I also wondered whether it was the aftereffects of the hernia operation that year affecting both the physicality and the serve. and I can't remember if he confirmed that anywhere but the theory's certainly cottoned on to help explain the serve decline, even if his endurance obviously has massively improved again. and then add in the shoulder... it's so brutal because it used to be such a key pillar to his game, like the whole magic was tied together by being able to whizz through his own service games while making his opponent's return games hellish

and like,, the thing I really admire about him is that there was a period in 2022 where it did feel like he'd been 'figured out', like there was increasingly a game plan that could be used against him. serve and volley, etc etc. but to some extent, he's managed to resist just being written off when facing elite competition BECAUSE he keeps coming up with ways to throw his opponents off-balance. what he's been doing this year, for all that it hasn't gotten him great results, has been so much fun to watch - really reminded me of his summer/autumn 2019 stretch where he'd played so much he should've constantly been at risk of keeling over of exhaustion but adapted to it by just becoming a completely different player. wawrinka uso 2019 match still goes crazyyyy, one of his most underrated performances. serve and volley in the uso 2019 final I wanna run to u. it's such a wonderfully unique game that's frankensteining all these unique parts together that all sort of shouldn't work but all sort of do, harnessed and constantly reinvented by (let's face it) the smartest top player currently in the game. and it really does piss me off that he hasn't been rewarded more. he's been the best of the rest since 2019, he's absolutely maximised his game for someone who doesn't have that stratospheric big three-level of talent and I WANT it to actually matter. but men's tennis will always see talent triumphing over guile I fear, and meddy has consistently been a victim of poor timing

and yeah, the generational aspect is true, where the entire ''''''''nextgen''''''''' cohort has essentially been doomed - partly because they just weren't good enough, but partly because they arrived at just the right time window to still be thoroughly traumatised by the big three without getting any kind of a break before the next super talents showed up. until 2022 I really did naively believe we were getting a chaos era of SOME kind until that decrepit spanish ghoul showed up in australia to trample all over my soul and give me depression, and then immediately another bloody spaniard started going at it. how can you not be a little bit bitter that alcaraz got to swan to his first slam title without having to face a single member of the big three? idk man like sometimes it really is the magic of sports that the anointed few don't just have talent on their side, they are also fantastically lucky. you see it with how the big three all secured their first slams... things just seem to work out somehow. infuriating and existentially horrifying

anyway. lol. as you can see I do always have a tennis rant in me. will always be a major part of my life, obviously something I have a far far better understanding of than any other sport, still keep up with the women's game fairly closely... where icl it helps that the players I'm most invested in have dropped off SO badly this year, partly due to injury, that I can merrily ignore their existence. plus, and this bit is crucial, I don't loathe the players who actually win things. so I'm in a happy place where I just enjoy the sport and (if anything) want Certain top players to do better than they currently are... but also don't lose any sleep over the results. like, have I been massively frustrated with iga this year? yes, but it's also not made me stare at a wall for five hours. also, it's just been a way better product than this predictable basher servebot shit from the men. women's wimbledon semi day THE best tennis day of the year, prove me wrong. they've had actual classic matches, which the men have been noticeably short on. just sort of been an odd season for the men, with djokovic shrivelling and alcaraz patchy outside of two slams and sinner doing his whole 'I'm not a cardboard cut out I'm a REAL boy' routine on his way to fifty hard court titles and everyone else irrelevant. as I've already said... it's fine. whatever. hope the sport enjoys fifty thousand alcaraz/sinner slam wins as the earth keeps turning around the sun and eventually we all turn to dust. it's fine

and seriously, thank you for everything in the ask... always happy to hear I've made someone's fan experience like. better. and that I add something a little bit different to the mix lol, also literally no compliment I like to read more than anything to do with my actual writing. because this ask was so lovely, here's my personal favourite moment as a tennis fan this year:

still think that australian open title should be restored to us

[antianakin]

The obi wan Kenobi show doesn’t work because it contradicts episode 4, which specifically states that the last time obi wan and vader met was in episode 3, having them duel again is just pointless and it contradicts an entire film, also why doesn’t Palpatine and the Empire arrest Bail Organa if they have suspicions he’s working with a Jedi? Bail Organa is smart and hes a good guy against the fascist empire and evil sith but in this show it makes him look not very smart.

I'm not sure why you're sending this message to ME, someone who's made it fairly clear that I LIKE the Kenobi show (and if I haven't, this is my definitive statement that I LOVE the Kenobi show and find it one of the best shows that D+ has released thus far), unless you're intentionally trying to start a debate/discussion about this.

I'm not going to change my mind about the Kenobi show and suddenly decide it's a bad show, so if you're trying to change my mind about it for some reason, it won't work. Much like the Prequel Trilogy, I'm perfectly willing to acknowledge the Kenobi show has flaws and isn't a perfectly written show, but it has a VISION and a PLAN, something that is all too rare within Star Wars these days.

It's also one of the VERY vanishingly few genuinely pro-Jedi and sort-of Jedi-centric stories out there. I'm unlikely to get very many of those, so Kenobi is a diamond in a rough for me. So I don't CARE what accusations people level at this show. Most of them are inaccurate or entirely based on personal taste alone. If the Kenobi show isn't for you, it isn't for you; there's PLENTY of Star Wars things that have come out that aren't for me but seem to have something in them that appeals to other people. Nothing anyone critiques about it is going to change the fact that there's a LOT I love about this show and the fact that it feels like it was made with fans like me in mind.

So if what you want is to just vent about a show that didn't work for you, maybe go to someone else to do it because you won't get it from me. (If you want to vent about, say, TBB or the Ahsoka show on the other hand, I'm exactly who you should talk to. Come vent at me about those shows any time.)

All that being said, this is my response to your specific accusations.

First, I'll address the Bail Organa thing because that just seems simpler. The ONLY person who has any suspicions that Bail is working with a Jedi during the Kenobi show is Reva, who leaves the whole Inquisitorius and the Empire by the end of the show. While there's perhaps some evidence of Obi-Wan wandering around with Leia, he's demonstrably not the person who TOOK Leia nor is he the person who RETURNED Leia, so there's zero evidence of Obi-Wan and Bail actually interacting beyond the message Bail sent to Obi-Wan that nobody saw except Reva and Obi-Wan, and that Reva took with her off of Jabiim, so it's never going to end up as evidence of anything.

The other reason Palpatine is not going after Bail Organa despite what are likely STRONG suspicions that Bail isn't loyal and is helping the Rebellion, is the same reason that the Senate doesn't get eliminated until ANH. Palpatine is still putting up a semblance of "democracy" to string people along with the idea that the Empire is a benevolent force working on behalf of the greater good. Bail is a well-known and well-liked and influential Senator on his own, AND he's the husband of the reigning monarch of Alderaan. Killing him without pretty serious evidence of wrong-doing could be a majorly bad political move for Palpatine. He also likely believes that, even if Bail IS working with the Rebellion, he's not that big of a threat. Why expend effort on killing someone who's not that big of a threat and when it might cause more people to turn against you for killing a well-liked dude without evidence of wrong-doing? What does Palpatine truly GAIN from this? He ONLY turns on Alderaan after two things happen: first, the Death Star is completed and he has a weapon that he can use to eliminate large swathes of enemies VERY quickly; second, Leia is caught working with the Rebels which implicates the entire royal family. So now not only does Palpatine have evidence of wrong-doing, he also has the means to stop CARING about what people think anyway because the Death Star means he can completely dismantle the ENTIRE SENATE and do whatever he wants to whoever he wants.

Now let's look at the accusation that the Kenobi show contradicts what's stated in ANH. Personally, I don't think it does. I'll grant that it contradicts what's IMPLIED by both ANH and ROTS and what most fans largely had assumed had happened. I'll even grant that the extra meeting during this time period is a little awkward narratively given that Obi-Wan had to win in order to survive at all but he also couldn't kill Anakin and people already had issues with this in ROTS where it's more easily explained away, so it's even harder to buy that Obi-Wan doesn't finish the job in THIS story.

But none of that means that it directly contradicts anything said in ANH. When Anakin first senses Obi-Wan's presence, all he says is he's feeling a presence he hasn't felt since... and then he fades off and never finishes that sentence. What he says during their actual fight is "I've been waiting for you, Obi-Wan. We meet again, at last. The circle is now complete... When I left you, I was but the learner; now I am the master." There's NOTHING specific in this dialogue. The bit about having been a learner when Anakin left is already contradicted by the Prequels anyway since Anakin was technically already Knighted by the time he betrays everyone and joins the Sith and the bit about having "left" Obi-Wan is again contradicted by the Prequels first since their final confrontation has Obi-Wan leave Anakin, not the other way around (unless we count the initial betrayal and joining the Sith as Anakin "leaving" but they see each other after that, so). So anything you could claim the Kenobi show "contradicted" from ANH is something the Prequels already contradicted. Anakin also makes the claim here that he's a "Master" when Anakin is actually a Sith APPRENTICE and he wasn't ever a Jedi Master, either. Anakin is someone who exaggerates and manipulates the truth of things as he wants, so everything he says has to be taken with a grain of salt anyway. He's an unreliable narrator in the extreme.

Which makes it pretty easy to just say, "Well Anakin's lying about shit because this is what he wants to believe even if it isn't true." Sure, it doesn't match with the Kenobi show, but it doesn't match the Prequels either, so unless you're about to tell me that we have to toss out the entire Prequel Trilogy (something we're ALSO not going to agree on), then I think the Kenobi show should be given a pass for this.

Finally, like I said, I DO recognize there's some awkwardness introduced to the narrative in this show. There's weird timing for things, it does go against popular assumptions, etc. But just like a lot of people have done for shows THEY wanted to enjoy, I'm willing to come up with my own headcanons to make the Kenobi show work. I tend to view the Kenobi show as more of a character exploration via metaphor than a straightforward narrative. This show and the story it's telling are SO laser-focused on Obi-Wan's journey towards reclaiming his Jedi identity that it occasionally has to do some odd things to make the narrative fall into place to allow that journey to happen in exactly the way they want it. The plot came second to the character in this case (the opposite of the Ahsoka show where the plot is very basic and straightforward but the characters were completely left by the wayside which leaves the narrative an incomprehensible mess anyway; give me more shows with flaws like the Kenobi show over shows like the Ahsoka show ANY DAY). Whenever I recommend this show to people I tell them to focus on the character journey Obi-Wan goes on and to view the show more metaphorically than literally. It works for some people, it doesn't for others.

My personal favorite headcanon for the Kenobi show is that it's a representation of Obi-Wan's personal Force Ghost test, not unlike the one we know Yoda had in TCW season 6. In that, he's sent to several different places, some real and some not, in order to face different things he has to overcome before the Force decides he's ready to learn this skill. Sometimes he's led by a specific person through the test, sometimes he's not. This isn't ENTIRELY dissimilar to what happens to Obi-Wan in the Kenobi show where he keeps bouncing to different places and being guided by different characters towards the one major thing he has to face and overcome. And while Anakin's dialogue after the mask is sliced off doesn't make a TON of sense to me as something Anakin would actually say, it works for me as something that Obi-Wan has thought about HIMSELF. Anakin isn't really Anakin here, he's a manifestation of all of Obi-Wan's pain and fears and doubts. Anakin saying that he's not Obi-Wan's failure is something the real Anakin would NEVER say (except as a way to keep separating himself from the atrocities he's done), but it IS something Obi-Wan would need to come to accept. And who better for that lesson to come from than the face of the person who betrayed him, the person who destroyed his universe.

Much like Yoda's journey took him to both real places and some that seem somewhat less real, Obi-Wan's journey could be a mixture of both real events AND some things that are a little more metaphysical. The final confrontation on that moon could perhaps be one of those metaphysical things. He's drawn to that moon and it does work to draw the Empire away from the refugees, but it's not really Anakin he sees down there or something. Does anything in the show support this? No, of course not. But nothing really makes it impossible for it to be true, either. It makes things work better for me, something I'm willing to do because there's a LOT about this show that really really fucking works for me already, so I'm willing to put in a little extra effort to smooth over the things that don't work as well into something else. If you don't like the show enough to do that work, that's fine. But then I'm not the person to come venting to about it.

[maxiemumdamage]

I realize I’m over ten years late to the bandwagon on SMASH, and that most fans of it probably aren’t on tumblr regardless, but what is this hellsite for if not screaming opinions into the void?

Anyway: assuming the producers were set in their casting choices, it would’ve made way more sense to have Megan Hilty and Katherine McPhee’s characters inverted.

See, the whole conflict between Karen and Ivy doesn’t really work because if you know Broadway — which is the stage they’re competing on — Ivy is better in every conceivable way. She is the better singer, she is the better dancer, she is the better actor and she is the more experienced employee. So, when we’re told Ivy and Karen are equals in contention for the same thing, that Karen could conceivably be cast in a leading role with zero experience, it feels…ridiculous, and frankly like an insult to the audience’s intelligence.

(To be clear, I don’t think Katherine McPhee is a BAD singer, she’s just…ill-suited for Broadway ballads and numbers. She’s good at pop songs, which is presumably why they were included in the show despite often feeling out of place. But in-universe they are trying to cast for a Broadway musical — obviously the person who’s better at Broadway style would be picked in that situation.)

(They try to convince the audience it’s because Karen has “it” while Ivy doesn’t, but it utterly fails, because Megan Hilty is fantastically talented and steals every scene, crushes every number, and is easier to work with to boot.)

(I fear that in SMASH’s efforts to include “stars” of various backgrounds — Broadway was the obvious target demographic for the show, but then they brought in American Idol fans by casting McPhee right after she won it — it instead created a weird Frankenmonster of music and choreography styles and writing choices that didn’t please any of the people it was made for. Casting the net too wide made it feel confused and erratic. Like Bombshell in universe, the concept and talent was there, but it fumbled the execution.)

But there’s an easy way to make it work — switch their backgrounds. Make Karen the experienced Broadway star who’s only worked in the chorus, and Ivy the shiny new up-and-comer.

(Nobody try and bring up age as a gotcha — McPhee and Hilty are only a few years apart.)

Karen might not be great at belting, but if you let her primarily have been a background singer and dancer, then the character’s strengths align with those of the actress. And if you really want an excuse for why Karen is in contention for a leading role, giving her Ivy’s family background could justify it — as the daughter of a successful and famous actress, Karen then has the clout and connections and could therefore bring in the investors the show needs. Karen’s talent aren’t at odds with her position if you make her position that of a girl raised in showbusiness, a nepobaby trying to follow in mommy’s footsteps, familiar with the industry and performing in it but not a star.

This way, Karen being accommodated and praised despite her comparative lack of talent makes sense — she’s a safer choice than a relative unknown, and brings in a family connection who can help buoy the show in its early stages.

Meanwhile, Megan Hilty’s character, Ivy, can be someone who’s got the talent, but lacks a background or the experience to really draw a crowd or make her easy to work with. Her friendship with Tom can remain, he could just be a personal acquaintance, rather than a work one that turned into a close friendship over time. Maybe Ivy still recorded the demo track that got attention for Bombshell in the first place, just as a personal favor to Tom, and then finds that hey, she really does like doing this and wants to seriously work on Broadway.

Because Ivy is Marilyn, not Karen. It makes more sense for her to be the young up-and- comer who gets too famous too fast, rather than a veteran overlooked for a younger talent.

[yourreddancer]

It was the dogs. The dogs are what got me.

A few years ago we visited the 9/11 Memorial Museum, and we saw a lot. Twisted steel girders. Baby-faced portraits of the deceased. Mutilated emergency vehicles.

But it was the dogs that wrecked me.

The dog exhibit is pretty small. Located in the far corner of the museum, with photographs of search and rescue dogs.

You see dogs nosing through rubble, wearing safety harnesses. You see them in their prime. They’re all deceased now. But they were spectacular.

There was Riley. Golden retriever. He was trained to find living people. But, he didn’t find any. Instead, he recovered the remains of firefighters. Riley kept searching for a live survivor, but found none. Riley’s morale tanked.

“I tried my best to tell Riley he was doing his job,” said his handler. “He had no way to know that when firefighters and police officers came over to hug him, and for a split second you can see them crack a smile—that Riley was succeeding at doing an altogether different job. He provided comfort. Or maybe he did know.”

There was Coby and Guiness. Black and yellow Labs. From California. Surfer dogs. They found dozens of human remains.

And Abigail. Golden Lab. Happy. Energetic. Committed. Big fan of bacon.

Sage. A border collie. Cheerful. Endless energy. Her first mission was searching the Pentagon wreckage after the attacks. She recovered the body of the terrorist who piloted American Airlines Flight 77.

Jenner. Black Lab. At age 9, he was one of the oldest dogs on the scene. Jenner’s handler, Ann Wichmann, remembers:

“It was 12 to 15 stories high of rubble and twisted steel. My first thought was, ‘I can't send Jenner into that…’ At one point, [Jenner] disappeared down a hole under the rubble and I was like, ‘Ugggggh!' Such a heart-stopping moment..."

Trakr. German Shepherd. Tireless worker. Worked until he couldn’t stand up anymore. Trakr found Genelle Guzman-McMillan, who was trapped for 27 hours among the debris. Genelle was as good as dead, until the cold nose poked through the mangled steel.

Apollo. German shepherd. An NYPD police dog. Coal-black muzzle. Liquid eyes. The first dog on the scene, only 15 minutes after the attacks. Apollo worked 18-hour days. Once, he was nearly killed in a fire during his search. But Apollo had been drenched in water and he was quick on his feet. No injuries.

Jake. Labrador. As a puppy, Jake was found on the side of the road in Dallas. Abandoned. Left for dead. Like trash. He had a dislocated hip and a broken leg. They made him a rescue dog.

Jake worked until his body threatened to collapse from exhaustion. After his shifts, local New York merchants saw his rescue-dog vest and treated him to free steak dinners in upscale Manhattan restaurants.

And, of course, there was Bretagne. Golden Retriever. Easygoing. Dutiful. Obsessed with food. Her owner and trainer, Denise Corliss, a firefighter from Harris County, Texas, brought Bretagne to Ground Zero while the rubble was still hot.

Bretagne went straight to work. She worked for 10 days solid. Ten agonizing days. Bretagne never quit. She napped onsite.

Denise recalls: “...There are images of Bretagne going to where she was directed to search, into the unknown, the chaotic environment. But even then, she knew who needed the comfort of a dog, and which firefighter needed to hold her close and stroke her fur.”

After 9/11, Bretagne also helped recovery efforts during the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, and Ivan. She retired at age 9.

Old age finally overtook her, she had a hard time using stairs, so Denise installed an above-ground pool to keep Bretagne’s joints limber.

In retirement, Bretagne became a reading dog at a local elementary school. First graders, too shy to read aloud, would read to a white-faced, elderly retriever who looked them in the eyes and smiled.

Bretagne visited students with special needs. She visited students with autism. She visited everyone.

She suffered kidney failure at age 16. She was put to sleep on June 7, 2016, and became the last of the 9/11 rescue dogs to end her earthly career.

Bretagne hobbled into the Cypress, Texas, animal hospital, one sunny Monday, only to discover the sidewalks and hallways were lined with firefighters, first responders, and rescue workers who saluted her.

Her remains were later escorted from the hospital, draped in an American flag.

We do not deserve dogs.