#he was sooo expensive but I finally got to buy him and it was so WORTH IT

[ugh-yoongi]

a word from our sponsors | knj

you’ve co-hosted a podcast with namjoon for three years; have known him even longer. the two of you have always been the picture of platonic, but that hasn’t stopped the internet from doing what the internet does. the shipping? a little weird at first, but you can understand it: two attractive twenty-somethings always in close proximity to one another, obvious (platonic!) chemistry—people have created ships for less. the fanfiction, though? also pretty funny… until you can’t stop thinking about it. 🎙️

pairing: namjoon x f. reader genre: podcast, friends to lovers au; crack, smut, fluff rating: explicit. minors do not interact. warnings: parasocial relationships galore, a m*n with a p*dcast, author abuses italics, swearing, alcohol, reader uses a pseudonym/nickname (piper) because writing the meta fanfiction scene would've been too weird without one and i refuse to use y/n, dialogue-heavy but it is a fic about a podcast, everyone is down horrendous, mentions of social media & fake r*ddit posts, ex-boyfriend yoongi but in a good, healthy way. let me know if i missed anything but mostly this is just two goofballs not realizing they're in love with one another. smut warnings: kissing, oral sex (f. receiving), fingering, unprotected vaginal sex (fiction), protected vaginal sex (nonfiction), a lil squirting, mild degradation, mentions of a p*ss kink but there is no actual pee i promise (...lest?), i didn't intend to write size kink but it's namjoon so it just showed up anyway, slight dom!joon, everyone orgasms. wordcount: 17.5k credits: this was entirely inspired by that one episode of the basement yard where frankie reads the smut fic of him and joe, so credits to both that author and that podcast. spotify, for their podcast name generator. astro-seek for helping me drag namjoon astrologically. an extra special, gigantic thanks to @effortandmore for writing the meta fanfic (3k of it, no less!) and not batting an eye when i said it could have pee in it as a joke. this is as much yours as it is mine. finally, @hot-soop and @the-boy-meets-evil for reading this over for me and telling me i'm funny. author's note: happy birthday, indigo! here i am to validate every fear you've ever had that the people you write porn about may one day read it. live and on air. :)

You’ve co-hosted a podcast with Namjoon for three years.

You can learn a lot about a guy in that amount of time.

None of it is especially salacious. You know all about his family and his dog and the brand of recycled paper towels he insists on buying in bulk. You know what he’d written his grad school thesis on and what he’d looked like in the thick of it, when he was staving off his fifth mental break of the week. You know how fidgety he gets when it’s closing in on Friday night and he’s got a date—how much he stresses over which restaurant to pick, which cologne, which expensive cashmere sweater to wear.

You also know what the internet thinks about him. Intimately.

Kim Namjoon, according to the internet, is peak husband material. He has cheeks ripe for pinching and thighs small countries would go to war to defend. He has a lap that doubles as a seat and dimples people want to get baptized in. He has Instagram selfies with hundreds of thousands of likes and comment sections full of intelligible keysmashes, especially the ones he posts from the gym.

Kim Namjoon, according to the internet, is a man written by a woman.

Looking at him now, you aren’t sure that’s true, you think people just need to raise their standards. Namjoon is just… Namjoon. He’s intelligent and kind and up to date on modern feminist theory, is all. And, sure, maybe in the current political landscape that puts him far above the rest of men, but the way the internet has latched onto him is a little concerning.

“There’s another post about whether or not we’re dating,” you say, pushing your glasses up the bridge of your nose.

sooo let’s be real here, we ALL think they’re dating, right?? Posted by u/pod-shipper 2 hours ago

Just like he always does, Namjoon huffs out a soft laugh, makes his way around to your side of the table. Puts his large hands on your shoulders as he leans in close to read from your screen, snorting every time he reads a sentence he finds particularly amusing. Whichever cologne he’d chosen this morning is, admittedly, very nice.

It’s sooo obvious, especially in the episodes they film and post on YouTube. The way they look at each other?? I don’t even look at my HUSBAND like that! (+1264) ↳ omg ur sooooo right! i could MAYBE buy that they aren’t full on dating, but they’ve def at least slept together. Namjoon is so 🔥🔥🔥 (+791) ↳ um how can namjoon be dating her when he’s already married to me 😌💅 (+3) ↳ For the millionth time, can we not speculate on their personal lives? This is weird and reinforces really harmful ideas that men and women can’t just be friends. (-51)

“How come they never talk about how hot you are?”

You can tell by the look on Namjoon’s face that he hadn’t meant to say that—or, if he did, he didn’t mean to say it like that, with an entire pout, eyebrows raised nearly to his hairline. “Cursed to be ugly and dumb,” you joke to ease the sudden tension, reading the comment that simply says you’d have to be the dumbest person alive to not sleep with Namjoon.

He scrunches his nose at that. Returns to his side of the table. “Yeah, I don’t think so, lots of people haven’t slept with me.” Starts to unpack all the gear from his bag before he says, “Hey, all that stuff—does it bother you?”

“What do you mean?” you answer, the corner of a protein bar stuck in your mouth. Namjoon always insists on recording at the most inconvenient times.

“People thinking we’re together,” he clarifies.

You shrug. “I dunno. Not really. Comes with the territory, I think, not to mention how much you love to overshare—”

“Hello?”

“I’m just saying,” you retort, hands raised in self-defense. “There really was no need for you to mention you blew your grad school stipend on a porn scam.” Namjoon looks affronted, like he can’t believe you’d stoop so low as to bring that up. “Or that you lost your virginity at fifteen.”

“We have a relationship podcast,” he states simply. “That’s kind of what we do, right? Talk about relationships? And the spectrum of human sexuality is part of that.”

You slump back in your chair as you quirk an eyebrow. “No one said it wasn’t, I just said you overshare. Which you do.”

“And that’s why there’s a dozen Reddit posts a week discussing whether or not we’re dating? Because I overshare?”

“Yeah, exactly. That’s the kind of behavior that leads to parasocial relationships. People latch onto that shit. Makes them think they’re your friend.” He glares. “Don’t give me that look, you know I’m right. It’s bad enough you’ve word-vomited all this highly personal information about yourself, but to not even do it under a pseudonym? It’s like you’re begging for trouble.”

Another comment he doesn’t even realize he’s making: “I don’t beg. For anything.”

To this day, you’re not sure why Namjoon asked you to co-host a podcast with him.

His reasoning had been simple: “You’re my best friend and we don’t agree on anything.” Hard to argue with that. Namjoon has seemingly endless patience, even in the face of things he shouldn’t entertain, and you… do not, to put it simply.

You’re not a cold person. Your fuse isn’t short. You’re just a little jaded, is all. Have far less propensity for bullshit than Namjoon does, so the two of you play well off each other. You end a sentence with a well-punctuated full stop and Namjoon’s right behind you to sigh and say maybe you shouldn’t be so hasty, not everything in the world can be so black or white.

Except some things are. Somewhere along the way, the podcast—which Namjoon had affectionately named Place Him Gently in the Garbage, even though some people should be shoved in there with force—had picked up a following. A big one. And now, every week, you’re inundated with emails ranging in severity. Sometimes people just want to vent after their tenth bad date in a row or share funny stories, and Namjoon lets you take the lead on those, but sometimes it’s a little more serious. That’s where Namjoon shines, all that endless patience, and people love him for it.

“What’s on the agenda today?” he asks, accepting a thick stack of papers from Jungkook.

Ah, Jungkook.

You aren’t sure what he actually does. Some kind of social media manager, which is obvious from the wildly out-of-context clips he posts of you to TikTok, and it’s his responsibility to go through the thousands of emails you get from listeners, but aside from that all you’ve got are your suspicions that he just sticks around to swindle Namjoon out of more and more money.

“I’m in a silly goofy mood,” comes Jungkook’s reply, and you let out a witch cackle as Namjoon winces. Nothing good ever comes of Jungkook being in a silly goofy mood, and that’s quite alright by you.

Fifteen minutes later finds you with a camera in your face that you greet with an unamused, flat stare. Jungkook is used to it by now. Just films for a few seconds before turning his attention to an unaware Namjoon. Head down, pen and highlighter going a mile a minute as he pores over the stack of papers with all the doggedness and eagle-eyed stare of a literature professor.

That’s the thing about Namjoon—he takes this really seriously. So do you, but not in the ways Namjoon does. He’s all skill and determination and you’re color commentary. It works. It clearly works, so you aren’t too bent out of shape about it, but sometimes you worry. Namjoon takes this really seriously and sometimes you worry that he takes it too seriously, that he carries the burdens and worries of all these strangers, that he’s trying to solve and fix things that aren’t his responsibility to solve and fix.

So he takes it really seriously and you don’t take it as seriously as you maybe should, and everything is by design. Balanced.

Twenty minutes later finds you staring across the table at Namjoon, who asks, “Are you ready?” and does one last equipment check before he launches into, “Welcome back to another episode of Place Him Gently in the Garbage with Namjoon and Piper. What’s new with you, Pipe? Any fun news?”

Pipe. It drives you nuts. Feels like nails on a chalkboard. “I see you almost every single day,” you respond dryly. “But for the sake of entertainment, I’m thinking about getting a cat.”

“A cat?” Namjoon parrots, and his eyebrows disappear beneath his fringe because he knows what that means.

You’ve co-hosted a podcast with Namjoon for three years, but you’ve known him even longer.

Since your first year of college, which is also when you met Yoongi. Yoongi, your ex. Yoongi, the person you’d been with for six years and had planned a life around. Yoongi, now one of your closest friends, because the two of you still love one another but no longer in that way, which is fine. But also—Yoongi, allergic to cats.

So, yeah. Namjoon knows what that means, and he has the good sense not to mention it. Unlike him, you’re intensely private and keep your cards close to your chest. Your listeners don’t even know your real name, let alone that you’d gone through a breakup a year ago.

“What kind of cat?” he continues, like his entire world hasn’t just been turned upside-down.

You shrug. “Eh, I don’t know. Probably one that’s been in the shelter a long time, I guess. I’m not too fussy, you know?”

“Right, a cat is a cat,” Namjoon says, thinking he’s done something. You and Jungkook gasp at the same time. “What? Why are you giving me that look?”

“Because that’s a fucked up thing to say! A cat is not just a cat. They have little personalities, just like people. You’ve got—”

“But you just said you’re not fussy,” he interjects. “And I know they have personalities and that you have to find one that suits your lifestyle! Like, you can’t have one of those really cool cats that likes to go kayaking and shit, it’d never work—”

“What does that mean? Why couldn’t I have a cool cat?”

“Hey, all you cool cats and kittens,” Namjoon mocks, and you can tell he thinks he’s done something again, but his impression falls flatter than flat. An awkward silence fills the studio. He coughs. “Anyway. Do you have pictures?”

“Yeah. I also have a list of candidates ranked by how cool their names are. Number five, Casserole.”

“That’s cute.”

“Mhm,” you agree, “but Casserole is a kitten, and I’m not sure I’m ready for that kind of responsibility.”

“They do say you should adopt kittens in pairs.”

“And that’s how they get you. You want one kitten and they talk you into two, and before you know it you’ve got, like, twelve cats. Number four, Party Girl.”

“Sick name.”

“Number three, Toddler.”

“Toddler?”

“Number two, Flat.”

“Just Flat? Understandable.”

“And, finally, number one: Human Torch.”

“Yoooo.” Namjoon laughs. “You have to adopt Human Torch. Let me see.” You pull up a picture on your phone and hand it over. “Okay, for our listeners—Human Torch is a young, male Domestic Short Hair. He has stripes. I don’t know what that’s called.”

“Tabby,” Jungkook chimes in.

“Jungkook says he’s a tabby. He’s cute. Adopt him.”

You return your phone to your pocket. “Maybe. I still think I want an older cat, but I’ll consider it. What about you, though? Any new dating horror stories to share?”

Ah, the dating horror stories. Your most dedicated shippers are convinced they’re fake, that Namjoon just makes them up on the spot to keep them off your trail. If only. Not in the if only they were fake and Namjoon and I were actually dating kind of way, but the holy shit one of my closest friends is a fucking disaster and it’s a little embarrassing kind of way.

“Not really,” he answers. “I’ve got a date this Friday, though. Trying to decide if dinner and a movie is too boring.”

“It’s a classic for a reason. What are you gonna see, My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3?”

“Three?” Namjoon emphasizes, truly sounding scandalized. “Since when are there three? I haven’t even seen one or two.”

“Okay, first of all, the original is a classic and it’s a crime you haven’t seen it.”

“And second of all?”

“There is no second of all. Repeat point one.”

He snorts. “I’m not gonna see that, anyway. Maybe the re-release of Howl’s Moving Castle.”

“Subbed or dubbed, though?”

“Are you trying to get me canceled?”

“Absolutely.”

“I like both,” he chickens out. “Now, let’s stop wasting time and get to the point of the show.”

“Talking about cats is a waste of time?”

“I—no, we’ve just got a lot on the agenda today.”

“Like what?”

“Well, there’s lots to talk about on the celebrity front—”

Namjoon loves this part. As esteemed and educated as he is, not even he is immune to good old celebrity gossip. (Inside him there are two wolves.) Lives for it. Texts you about it at all hours of the night. Sends you links to Reddit threads with hundreds of comments. Has more opinions on Celebrity Big Brother than he does on Ludwig Wittgenstein, sometimes, and when that’s the case you know you’re in for a long evening. You’ve never even seen an episode of Celebrity Big Brother.

But Namjoon loves it, so you’ve become fond of it by association. Reminds you a bit of Yoongi and his love for sports and sports anime.

“—one should we start with?”

“Whatever you want,” you answer, because you haven’t been paying a lick of attention and you aren’t sure it matters anyway. Namjoon can talk to a wall on a good day, but he’s an entirely different beast once mundane, innocuous celeb gossip gets involved.

And even though you hadn’t been paying attention, it seems like this was the right thing to say, because Namjoon smiles so wide his dimples crater his face. “Cool. Let’s start with Taryn Manning. Did you see that bizarre—”

“Who?”

“What?”

“Who is Taryn Manning?”

Namjoon looks a little dumbstruck. Even Jungkook’s arching an eyebrow at you. “Are you serious? She was in Orange is the New Black and Crossroads.”

“The Britney Spears movie?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh. Weird, okay. Continue.”

Your co-host shoots you a very pointed look. “I will, thanks. Anyway, she posted a video on social media talking about this affair she had with a married man. Like, she pulled over on the side of the road to record this. Said she can’t stand the man’s wife because she called her a quote-unquote lunatic.”

“I—huh, thought we weren’t supposed to say that anymore. Alright.”

“But wait, it gets even more bizarre. Listen to this quote—and this is direct. This is a direct quote from the video, I can’t stop thinking about it: ‘Don’t you ever threaten me when your husband came to me to get his butthole licked.’ Can you—”

“What? Namjoon, what in the fuck—”

“It’s crazy, right? She was gonna buy this guy a boat.”

“Namjoon, this is a family show, you can’t just talk about ass-eating unprompted.”

“No it’s not.”

“Well, you still shouldn’t talk about ass-eating unprompted. It’s unbecoming.”

“You’re unbecoming,” Namjoon fires back, because he can’t help it. The words are out of his mouth before he can think. “Sorry, that was out of line.”

You sigh. Know whatever look Jungkook is catching on his camera right now is exasperated and pointed, the corners of your mouth probably tugged up just a hint. “Unbecoming, like I said.” Namjoon scoffs. “Anyway, so this actress was gonna buy this married guy a boat and was eating his ass?”

“Yeah. Apparently it was her friend’s husband? They all went to a Taylor Swift concert together.”

“Jesus, this keeps getting worse. Big year for Hollywood cheaters.”

“It is, right? Cheaters and divorces. Something in the water, I guess.”

“I saw the astrology girlies saying a bunch of planets are in retrograde, so—”

“Can you explain that to me? Like, what does it mean for a planet to be in retrograde? Why is it causing divorces?”

“I don’t know, I’m not an astrology girlie. That’s why I said the astrology girlies. What are your big three, though?”

“What’s that?”

“Your sun, moon, and rising signs.”

“How do I find that out?”

“Ugh,” you intone, “don’t worry about it, I’ll do it myself. What time were you born?”

Namjoon rattles off a time.

You grab your laptop. Pull up the page, type in Namjoon’s date of birth and birthplace, and wait. Then you’re staring at a circle with a bunch of lines in it that also don’t make a lick of sense to you. You roll your lips to keep from laughing and school your voice into something deadly serious. “Bad news: it says you’re a virgin.”

“Virgo,” Namjoon corrects, not taking the bait. “I already knew that.”

You scroll a little further down the page. “Your moon is in Sagittarius. Oh god, listen to this, they’ve got you pegged: ‘The greatest need is to always search for something. In order to feel safe you need a philosophy or belief’—”

“Haaa, that’s not—”

“—’You need to have a goal or mission that gives your life meaning. Your faith must be voluntary and it is a paradox that fighting against dogmas may lead you to other dogmas.’ Yeah, that’s you.”

“That could apply to anyone,” he argues. “There are seven-billion people on this planet; I’d imagine a sizable amount of them would say that also describes them.”

“Hm, sounds like your faith in astrology is not yet voluntary. Did you know you’re a Scorpio rising?”

“No. I’m sure you’re gonna tell me all about it, though.”

You smile. “Correct. ‘People with Scorpio on the Ascendant need to fight against dark and destructive power in their life.’ Is that true?”

“Yeah, you’re the dark and destructive power. You keep sidetracking me and we need to get to the point of the podcast.” He grabs the stack of papers Jungkook had given him. Looks more highlighter than paper, if you’re being honest. “I guess Jungkook thought we needed a lighthearted kind of day.”

“That was nice of him, considering what he gave us last week. I guess we’re allowed to have faith in humanity today.”

To your left, Jungkook scoffs.

“Alright,” Namjoon starts, putting on his Very Serious Podcast Guy voice, “first up we’ve got a question from one of our listeners in Canada. It says, ‘Hi, Piper and Namjoon. I recently agreed to go on a blind date with a friend of a friend. She said he was a bit old-fashioned but really talked him up so I thought I was in good hands—and then he showed up to get me in a ‘67 GTO and exclusively referred to me as doll. He didn’t use my name once. I’m torn, because he was really nice and I had a good time otherwise, but this is weird, right? Should I see him agai—’”

“No,” you interject.

“Can I finish?”

“You don’t have to. This guy sounds greasy.”

Namjoon pinches the bridge of his nose. “And why is that?”

“Ignoring the fact that this guy has arguably one of the lamest classic cars around, he didn’t use their name once? Not once, in all the time they spent together? That’s really disrespectful.”

“Some people are just pet name people,” Namjoon argues.

“With absolute strangers, though? It’s really giving the impression that he didn’t even know it, not to mention some people are uncomfortable with pet names. The whole shtick is super lame.”

“I agree it sounds a bit misguided, but—”

Ignoring Namjoon, you say, “Sorry you had to go on a date with the ghost of less-cool James Dean. Into the garbage he goes.”

And, just like he’s done a million times before, Namjoon rolls his eyes and says, “If you really like this guy and want to see him again, a bit of communication will go a long way. Tell him the pet name made you uncomfortable—if it did—and offer to pick him up for the next date. I don’t think he’s completely destined for the garbage, yet.”

“You’re just saying that because you don’t have a license. You probably think a 1967 Pontiac GTO is the pinnacle of romance. That’s probably like picking someone up on a Specialized Aethos to you, eh?”

“That’s a fifteen-thousand dollar bike, I’ll have you know.”

You groan. “Oh my god.”

Ep: #183 - Namjoon is a Virgin

I think Namjoon had the right idea on this one. Sure, the car can be considered lame, but I think a lot of men are deeply insecure and therefore overcompensate when it comes to dating. Women are hard to impress when they have unlimited options. You have to stand out, so I’m glad he advocated for him. Piper can come off like such a misandrist sometimes. (-649) ↳ just shut up bro namjoon would fuckin hate u (+204) ↳ Imagine caring about something like this when they’re getting a cat together 🙄 (+19)

You think about the cat thing for nearly a week.

Adopting a cat is certainly not the worst idea you’ve ever had, and truth be told it’s been a little lonely, living by yourself. No more Yoongi in your space; no more Holly. So, having a new little friend around might do you some good.

It’s just—

It’s a big commitment, and there’s also the dog sitting-shaped elephant in the room. Ending things on good terms means you’re still Yoongi’s second-choice sitter whenever he has to go out of town, and while you love Holly dearly (the two of you had adopted him together, after all), he’s a lot like his father in a lot of ways.

Should I get a cat, you type out, and it’s only been in Yoongi’s inbox a few seconds before the most unflattering picture you’ve ever taken of him is flashing across your screen.

“Are you dying?” you ask, because Yoongi doesn’t call you for much else.

And you already know what his response is going to be. “We’re all dying.”

“Lighten up, Yoongi. One might say being so existentially nihilistic before noon causes wrinkles.”

There’s a split-second pause. “It’s nine p.m.”

“Sure, but it’s before tomorrow’s noon, so it still counts.”

“Whatever. Listen, before you adopt that cat, I need a favor.”

“You going out of town again?”

“Yeah. Shouldn’t be long, though. A week at the most, five days if I’m lucky.”

“That’s fine, bring him over whenever. Yijeong’s busy?”

This pause is far, far longer. “No,” comes Yoongi’s eventual response, but it’s slow. Unsure. A two-letter word has never taken so long to say in the history of ever. “He’s, uh. Coming with me?”

Oh, you think. This is where your ex awkwardly and hesitantly breaks the news of his new relationship. You’ve known this day was coming, and this is what you get for staying friends with him. “This is a fanfiction plot,” you accuse. “Hot, mysterious man moves into a gaudy apartment complex after ending a long-term relationship and meets his equally-hot and mysterious neighbor and they fall in love.”

“I—that’s not—my apartment is not gaudy.”

“Yes it is. There’s a giant gold bust of a weird bird in the lobby.”

“Weird bird?” he parrots. “It’s a swan.”

“I see you’re not denying the in-love-with-your-neighbor accusations.”

“Am I on trial?” Yoongi retorts, and it’s such a Yoongi thing to say when what he means is, is this okay? He means, are we able to talk about this without it being weird? He means, I won’t ever say as much out loud, but your acceptance means a lot to me, and I’d like for you to give me this.

So you lower your voice and soften the edges because it’s not really something to joke about, and you say, “No, of course you’re not on trial,” and Yoongi knows what you mean. “And if you were, you'd get locked up for fifty years. You can’t lie for shit.”

There’s a beat of silence before he clears his throat, mutters a thanks that is so quiet you almost don’t catch it. “Send me pictures of the cats.”

Later on, once you’re freshly-showered and tucked into bed with a candle and a book (Eloge de l’amour by Alain Badiou at Namjoon’s insistence and request), your phone buzzes with a text from Yoongi—

Yoongi: toddler is a fucking hilarious name for a cat but so is flat Yoongi: it’s a tie for me You: Okay well pick one 🙄 Yoongi: yijeong says get both You: Both???? Is he paying my vet bills? Yoongi: kinda out of line to proposition him for money. flat is also good with dogs, js You: If he’s now being raised by you two, my perfect, well-behaved son is probably long gone. Does he even count as a dog anymore? Yoongi: me and yijeong both say fuck off Yoongi: holly too. he says he doesn’t miss you anymore and he’s not coming over now Yoongi has added Yijeong to the group Yoongi has changed the group name to #ThirdWheelChat Yijeong: Please don’t drag me into this. Also I did not say “fuck off” You have changed the group name to People Who Have Seen Yoongi Naked Yoongi: fuck you

You should’ve known something was going on with Jungkook, because it’d started like this:

(When you and Namjoon started the podcast three years ago, it was in the living room of his apartment.

Surrounded by books and plants. He loved to record in the afternoons back then—Namjoon loved to say it was because of his grad school schedule, but you’ve always suspected he just wanted to preen in the golden hour light, much like he’s doing now.

“Is this really necessary?” Jungkook whines from his spot on the couch. He’s already swindled Namjoon out of two bags of microwavable popcorn and three cans of sparkling water. “It’s a Saturday afternoon; I could be doing something so much more fun than this.”

Namjoon scoffs. “Are you saying this isn’t fun?”

“Yeah. It sucks, actually. This could’ve been an email.”

And because Namjoon is accomplished, mature, and absolutely incapable of not taking Jungkook’s bait, the space between his brows creases as he sends a murderous glare Jungkook’s way. “Stop eating my food, then. And drinking my drinks. And lounging on my couch like that—”

“I’m not lounging,” Jungkook argues.

“You’re manspreading all over the leather!”

“This is how I sit!”

“Well, knock it off! My couch is only for fun and people who think I’m fun!”

Jungkook rolls his eyes. “So you fuck on it?”

“What?”

“What other fun things could you possibly do on a couch?”

Namjoon blinks. “Watch… watch a movie?”

Jungkook groans, throws himself backwards against the pillows as if he’s suffering a Victorian ailment. “Jesus. No wonder you can’t score a second date.”

“Okay, that was a little uncalled for. There are a ton of reasons a person might not want a second date, and no one is obligated to go out with me—”

“Uh-huh. Anyway—”

You clear your throat. Try to hide your own can of seltzer you’d taken from Namjoon’s fridge in the midst of his and Jungkook’s bickering. “Not trying to be rude, but I have an appointment at the shelter at three. If, y’know. You wouldn’t mind speeding this up a little.”

“Oh! Yeah, of course—”

“Oh, so you’ll speed this up for her but not—”

Namjoon pinches the bridge of his nose. “She,” he begins, jerking his thumb in your direction, “isn’t needlessly complaining and actually has someplace to be.”)

It was just a quick little rendezvous in Namjoon’s living room to come up with a rough draft for the following month’s episodes. He couldn’t do it over text because he’d fallen down the steps at his office and landed on his ass on the corner of a step and his phone had been in his back pocket. Cracked clean in half. And he couldn’t do it over email because he—rightfully—knew Jungkook would ignore them because he has his inbox set up to send all of Namjoon’s personal emails to the trash.

But Jungkook holds onto things like that. Grudges. Loves to let Namjoon think bygones are bygones and pop up a few days later with some evil scheme. Hence:

“What is this?”

Jungkook smirks. Rocks back on his heels. “It’s fanfiction.”

“I can see that, but… why?”

This is where Jungkook shines: the ominous, cheshire cat grin; the aw, shucks demeanor that gaslights Namjoon into thinking Jungkook couldn’t possibly be fucking with him. “Well, you were having trouble coming up with ideas for episodes, and there’s an email in there from someone whose partner reads really expli—”

“Jungkook, this is fanfiction about me.”

You can’t help the laugh that escapes you. Of all the weird shit you’ve seen on the internet (and there’s been a lot), fanfiction of people you know—your friends—was something you’d managed to escape. Probably by virtue of not knowing anyone famous enough to warrant fanfiction being written about them.

But you should’ve known. You really, really should’ve known.

“Oh my god?”

You’re not sure who says it. Could be you or Namjoon, but the sentiment is the same. He mouths a what the fuck at you that’s met with a shrug. You’re in uncharted territory now, too. “Where did you even find this?” you ask, taking the stack of papers from Namjoon. “And why did you print it out?”

“Because I’m going to track down whoever wrote it and get them to autograph it. Then I’m going to buy a nice frame and hang it on the wall behind him, so we never forget this historical moment in Place Him Gently in the Garbage lore.”

“It’s a podcast,” Namjoon deadpans, “how can it have lore? And how much lore can there possibly be?”

“It’s the internet,” you concede. “The lore possibilities are endless. Don’t tempt them.”

Jungkook nods sagely, well-versed in the degeneracy of the internet. “Yeah, that’s how you end up with shit like 4chan.”

“4chan? There’s Space Jam porn on there.”

As the youngest, all Jungkook can do is roll his eyes. “Sometimes explaining this shit to you feels like trying to teach old people how to rotate PDFs—”

Namjoon scoffs. “I’m not that bad. I know how to rotate a PDF.”

Wow, Jungkook mouths. “Anyway, back to the fanfiction—”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Namjoon interjects. He looks at you. “It’s weird, right? Like, it’s weird that people have written this about us?”

About us.

Your scope of the world narrows to the size of a pinhead. It’d just been about Namjoon before. This is fanfiction about me, he’d said, and you hadn’t been included in that. Now it’s written about us and you’re included.

“I—what?”

“It’s about us,” Namjoon repeats.

Jungkook rolls his lips. “It’s about the two of you fucking, to be specific.”

“Can you not—”

“Fucking a lot,” Jungkook continues. “So much fucking.”

Namjoon looks at you, and it’s all you can do to keep from laughing. The look on his face is pure bewilderment, both that Jungkook has cooked up this idea and is hell-bent on executing it and that he remains employed. And maybe it’s a little bit of nerves, too, because neither of you are ignorant of the risks. Reading fanfiction about yourselves—about the two of you as a couple, specifically, or at least two people who have sex—is weird. Not something you can unread.

And maybe it’s because you’re so determined to not make it weird that you send Namjoon a cheeky, exaggerated wink, shrug your shoulders, and say, “I’ll need a couple drinks, but I’m down.”

Jungkook throws his head back and cackles wildly, and that look of bewilderment on Namjoon’s face morphs into something else. Trepidation, maybe; definitely disbelief, because sometimes he lets himself get swept away in Jungkook’s schemes, but it’s rare that you follow suit.

As Jungkook continues to laugh, you wonder if you should’ve said no.

Namjoon has two stipulations: the two of you have to film the episode completely alone, and he, too, needs to be a little drunk.

The latter? Piece of cake, considering Namjoon has become some sort of whiskey aficionado in recent years. His drinking is streamlined and to the point—he knows exactly how much and what to drink to get him where he wants to be. You can’t say he isn’t efficient.

The former, though? Borderline impossible. From the second Namjoon states his terms, Jungkook is having none of it. Argues that he’s the one who found the story and the one who cleared it with the author, so he deserves to witness the fruits of his labor.

“No,” Namjoon repeats for the nth time, “no way. I’ll barely be able to do this with just her, let alone both of you.”

And that—that doesn’t bother you, right? You force a laugh, because why would it bother you?

There are few secrets between you and Namjoon, except your respective sex lives have been staunchly off-limits. Namjoon could be a virgin for all you know, and as you study him—the way he keeps bobbing his leg, the slight shake in his hands—you wonder if that’s the reason he’s being so weird about this.

It’s just a story.

Fiction.

Most people don’t have to worry about someone writing stories about them fucking their friends. If they do, you reckon even less actually read them. So, sure, it’s a little strange, but people from all over the world send in stranger stuff all the time, don’t they? It’s literally the reason you’re in this predicament.

Eventually Jungkook agrees. His whining has gotten him nowhere, so he just throws up his hands. Posts a cryptic little “u guys won’t believe what the next patreon ep is lmao” that sends the internet into a frenzy. Doubles your Patreon numbers almost immediately, and both you and Namjoon do a good job of pretending the pressure isn’t overwhelming.

Jesus. You have to read explicit fanfiction about yourselves. On camera.

Namjoon gets caught up with work and isn’t available until the weekend, so you’re forced to sit with the nerves for a few days. Not too bad at first, but you’re nearly coming out of your skin by Thursday with the need to know. You’re well-versed in the world of fanfiction, but this is fanfiction about you: your name, your likeness, maybe even your personality.

What will they know of Namjoon, though?

Will they get it right, the way he looks with his jaw clenched? How impossibly deep his voice can go, both when it’s raspy with sleep and when he’s fully at ease? Will the Namjoon in the story be closer to the Namjoon you know, or the version of himself he presents to the public?

And you’ve known him a long time—long enough that there are few secrets between you, but you don’t know the most intimate parts. All the parts the internet loves to speculate on. All the little gaps that, apparently, need to be filled in by fanfiction.

Will they know what Namjoon looks like when he gets off?

No, you scold yourself, jerking awkwardly like you’ve been burned, and neither will you.

Because you are not going to think about this. Your thoughts are not going to go there. Namjoon is your friend, and you’ve listened to him scold an endless amount of men on the podcast for exactly this behavior. Sexualizing their friends. You’re not going to do it, too.

Maybe that’s why you’re kind of seeing double when it comes time to record. Namjoon needed an extra shot and offered you one as well. You’d necked it without a second thought and now you’re here, trying to ignore the slight tilt of the room as Namjoon adjusts the camera.

“How’s the shot look?” he asks, gesturing vaguely behind him at his laptop screen because Jungkook had refused to lend you his fancy cameras if he wasn’t allowed to be involved.

It’s a completely normal question.

It’s a question you’ve asked and answered a million times.

Except—there’s something horribly distracting about Namjoon in this moment. The outline of his back muscles through the thin fabric of his t-shirt. The way the sleeves are tight around his biceps. He’s always been a gym rat, always carries around a protein shake that smells and looks completely foul, but you can’t remember it ever being this obvious.

And you take too long to answer, because Namjoon straightens up just enough to send you a concerned look. Which does not help. You are not imagining what else might cause his brows to pinch like that, what might have his lips parting, have sweat dotting his hairline.

You swallow. Hard.

“Looks fine,” you manage to say. He’s still staring. Are you on fire? You feel like you’re on fire, which would make sense. Would explain Namjoon’s sweating and concerned stare and the fact that he cannot stop staring at you. “Maybe a tiny bit to the right if we’re being picky,” you tack on, hoping it’ll break whatever spell the two of you are ensnared in.

It works. “To the—the right, yeah, makes sense,” he rambles.

He moves it an inch to the left.

—

Things are tense, to say the least.

Recording hasn’t been this awkward since your first episode, or maybe ever. You’re sat across from one another like you always are, and usually Namjoon would be making quip after quip by now, talking endlessly until Jungkook shushed him long enough to get the intro filmed. Now, there’s just silence.

“Should we…?” Namjoon startles. Bangs his knee on the underside of the table and drops a string of curses. “Sorry, are you—”

“I’m fine,” he says, cutting you off. He gestures vaguely toward the camera. “I’ll just… yeah.”

Showtime.

You wipe your hands on your jeans, unsure of when they got so damp. Unsure of when you’d grown so nervous, too, because you’d been fine an hour ago. Had strolled in with two cups of tea and a little too much confidence, giddy at what you were about to do.

Maybe the nerves had shown up alongside the alcohol. This sounds reasonable, and you do not, under any circumstance or for any reason, think about Namjoon’s back. Or his biceps.

Namjoon makes it through the intro, dimples deep and wide as he smiles, and you also don’t think about the way his voice cracks and gets a little breathy when he introduces you. It’s only because he’d been drinking, and the flush on his cheeks attests to that. The same flush that creeps down his neck, still a little sweaty; disappears beneath the hemline of his shirt.

“—Jungkook had. Right, Piper?”

Now it’s your turn to startle, and there’s not much you can do to hide the obvious except ask Namjoon to redo the shot. Because it’s bad enough the internet already overanalyzes every move you make, every word choice, every instance you’ve stared at Namjoon a second longer than they thought you would—this is a blatant display of… affectedness.

“Sorry,” you say, “I wasn't paying attention. Can we redo it?”

You’re expecting a playful scolding. A ha ha, get it together, because that’s what you usually get. But there’s nothing aside from Namjoon studying you and nodding. Asking if you’re okay. Saying, “Is this—this is weird, right? Is it too weird? Maybe we shouldn’t—”

An out. Namjoon is giving you an out, and you should take it, you know you should take it, so there’s absolutely no reason at all you shake your head and say, “No, no, it’s fine! I think I’m just a little, uh. Drunk?”

“Are you sure? We can—”

“It’s fine, Joon,” you insist. “Besides, it’ll be good content, right?”

“Good content,” he parrots. “Yeah, for sure.” He fidgets in his seat, runs his hands down the span of his thighs. Very, very thick thighs. “I’ll grab us some water.”

You faceplant onto the table as soon as he’s out of the room. When did his thighs get so thick?

But the water helps. Cures whatever strange, insatiable thirst has come over you, because you feel much more human after a few glasses. Less drunk, too, which makes sense. Yoongi could barely escape your drunken, horny wrath when the two of you were together, so you chalk it up to a Pavlovian response.

Namjoon does the intro again. Introduces you strong and steady, not a hint of nerves, and explains, with a fresh blush taking over his upper body, what the episode’s going to be about. “Someone wrote fanfiction about us,” he says, scratching at the back of his neck. “It’s, uh, pretty explicit. Jungkook thought it’d be funny if we read it.”

You snort. “He might get fired, depending on how this goes.”

“He should get fired regardless,” Namjoon deadpans. “Anyway, we have permission from the author to read this so don’t come after us, and, as always, we’ll put all the credits in the video description.”

“Special shoutout to Jungkook, though, who was not allowed to be here with us for this momentous occasion.”

Namjoon laughs. “I’m sure he’s having plenty of fun at home.” You both pause. “That’s not—I’m not implying anything with that! I just meant—you know, like. He’s hanging out and enjoying his day off.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Moving on. I have two copies of this. Do you want your own?”

You grin, wicked and wide. “Nah, just read it to me.”

“Making me do all the work,” he huffs. “Typical.”

“There’s a stack of papers in front of you that might say otherwise.”

It’s clear you catch him off-guard. He cocks an eyebrow, opens and shuts his mouth a few times like a goldfish. An obvious question sits on the tip of his tongue: You think you’d be in charge? Instead he coughs, jerks his head to the side, and says, “I guess we’ll see.”

It sounds like a challenge.

Thirty seconds is all you get before Namjoon’s shuffling his stack of papers and clearing his throat. Asking if you’re ready and jumping right into it once you say you are. Reads the first few lines like they’re some old lecture notes, and they’re conservative and safe-for-work enough that you start to relax.

And then Namjoon reads, “A louder one wonders if Namjoon is a pet name person—if he’d call her ‘honey,’ or ‘gummy bear,’ ‘babe,’ or ‘baby,’” and you choke.

“Gummy bear?”

Namjoon laughs along with you—the weird one that almost sounds like a dog panting. “You want me to call you gummy bear?”

“I want you to call me a Lyft,” you snark. “I’m leaving.”

He continues:

And that’s how it starts, wandering thoughts, wandering fingers—the first time Piper comes to the thought of Namjoon calling her baby, pushing inside her, showing her that he definitely doesn’t beg, but she does… Well, she’s a little ashamed. She’s apparently got a reputation to maintain, anyway, not to mention a friendship.

His eyes leave the paper and lock onto you. “Or maybe you’d prefer baby?”

“Fuck off.”

Weeks after that first time, it’s become a habit, thinking about Namjoon as something more than a friend. It’s confusing and a little mortifying and it’s starting to affect her in ways she hadn’t expected. When they record, she feels fidgety—she’s jumpy when he gets close, has all the stupid obvious tells of an unwanted crush: her breath hitches when he whispers (why the fuck is he whispering in her ear, anyway? Doesn’t he know what that does to a person?) inside jokes to her so Jungkook can’t hear, her heart rate spikes when their fingers accidentally brush, she feels itchy and hot and a little embarrassed whenever he holds eye contact with her. It’s terrible, and it’s only made worse by the way he’s doing all of those things more than usual. Or, at least she thinks he is, thinks she’s not imagining the way his eyes linger on her more than she can remember happening before or the way she’s caught him staring at her lips when she chews on the end of her pencil mindlessly. 

You’ve completely forgotten how to breathe.

Namjoon’s staring again. You need to salvage this. He’s only on paragraph three and you’re already squirming in your chair and imagining things that are not appropriate. So you roll your lips, return his teasing. “Well? Do you stare at my lips?”

It works. “No,” he scowls.

“You sure?” you joke, morphing your face into something half-pout, half-duck face.

“We’re never gonna finish this if you keep making comments.”

“You started it,” you point out. “Go on, then.”

There’s some dialogue. Some prose that hits way too close to home, has you wondering who on earth wrote this and how they plucked every single thought from deep within your psyche. A pang of fear that maybe you haven’t been as subtle as you’d thought all these years. A moment to confirm to yourself that, no, you haven’t been harboring a secret, deeply-buried crush on Namjoon.

Then he reads—

And then he kisses her. It’s greedy and hot, his lips like a branding iron. She moans a little against her better judgment when he licks at the seam of her mouth, and in return, she can feel Namjoon’s lips curve into a smile against her own. It’s better than she’d been imagining it, really. He’s a good kisser—firm at the right times, soft when she needs it, careful but not cautious. He holds her jaw with one hand and keeps her right where he wants her beneath him (as if she’d want to move, anyway).  When their lips finally part, he rests his forehead on hers. It’s intimate in a way she hadn’t expected, and he looks at her as if she’s the answer to every question. Finally, he whispers, “What’re we doing, Piper?” His lips are still wet and pink and a little swollen from kissing, and she barely hears the question—she’s too busy thinking about kissing him again, about pulling his plump bottom lip between her teeth, teasing and…  “Kissing,” she says finally.  “What do you want?” he asks, sinking to his knees in front of her. And if that alone isn’t an answer to his question… “Whatever you’re willing to give,” she replies. It feels like she’s wanted this forever, this and so much more. Once she got the idea in her head, it’s hard to know if she ever felt differently, ever truly thought they could just be friends. Or, if in the back of her mind, in the dark corners that she never lets see daylight, she always knew she wanted Namjoon. Always knew she loved him.

—and everything goes right out the fucking window.

Namjoon sits with those words for a moment. Scans the paper in his hands and frowns a little when he confirms what you already know. “The rest is, uh. Porn.”

“That is why we’re here.”

“Last chance to back out.”

“I’m not scared,” you lie. “Are you? You’re the one who keeps stalling.”

He huffs. “You’re a pain in my ass,” he retorts, and then nothing is all that funny anymore.

Because Namjoon was right: the rest is straight-up porn. He’s barely able to read the part where he goes down on you with a straight face, turning a deep shade of crimson. Stutters through the part where you pull his hair, and that is not something you needed to know about your friend. You think he loses his grasp of language entirely when he reads, “When he slides a long finger into her and brushes past her most sensitive spot, she arches into him and lets his name fall from her lips in a soft cry. Piper, notorious skeptic, is a babbling, trembling mess as she gets closer to her orgasm,” because all the words are garbled together, producing nothing but gibberish. You think he’s ready to keel over and die when he reads, “Namjoon pulls away briefly, lips slick with her juices, and licks over his top one, pausing to tell her how good she tastes before he dives back in.”

“That was nice of them to include. I appreciate their attention to detail in regards to my personal hygiene.”

“This is so embarrassing,” he whines.

You roll your eyes good-naturedly. “Gimme. I’ll finish it.” He hands over the papers immediately.

Except you regret it immediately. The words you’re staring at are not words you ever thought you’d read or recite in your entire life. Not even for a million dollars. “Oh,” you say instead.

“See? Not as easy as it looks.”

“This is really embarrassing,” you confirm. “I might need another shot.”

“Y-yeah. Alcohol sounds good.”

Namjoon staggers forward obligingly, looks completely fucked out and pliant, willing to do whatever she asks. She remembers the sounds he made when she pulled his hair, wonders if he likes being bossed around, if he wants her to tell him what to do, to be a little mean to him. Maybe it’s different from her dreams, maybe he will beg her. She wants him so badly, she’d do anything for him. So, she pulls his briefs down to expose his absurdly large member, already mostly hard, and slaps it. Gently at first to see how he’ll react, and when he shudders and jerks his hips, she does it again, a little harder. “Look at you,” she whispers, “such a needy boy.”  He whimpers at that, eyes pleading. “Please, Piper…” he whines.   “Please what?” “Please let me fuck you,” he begs. She wants to, wants him so much, wants to feel him stretch her open, and from the looks of his cock, thick and long and drooling with precum, he could. “Should I?” she asks. She musters all her confidence to keep the condescending tone up. It feels wrong given how desperate she is to get him inside her, but it also seems to be getting him worked up and equally as desperate. “Do you even know what to do with that big, stupid cock?”  Namjoon’s cock twitches, and he begs, “I—I’ll fuck you so good, Piper…. I know how, I promise. Just… please?”

“Oh my god,” the two of you say in unison.

You so badly want to ask if this is biographical. How Namjoon feels about a little degradation; what he’d do if someone actually called his cock stupid. Ifsomeone has called his cock stupid. You dare a glance at him and conclude that someone’s had to. Namjoon just has that kind of energy.

But you can’t ask because it’d be weird, so you keep reading.

“How do you want me?” she asks softly when their lips part. There’s a wild look in his eyes, like he’s processing all the possible options out of everything he’s considered. And then it occurs to her. “Have you imagined this before? Thought about how you’d fuck me?” she teases him as she stands, stepping into him. Piper pushes one hand through his hair, brushing it back off of his forehead and wraps her other around his dick, squeezing a little for emphasis on her words. “Yes,” he groans as she strokes him, thumbing at the head of his cock. “Tell me what you want, then. Want me on all fours for you? Want me to show you how it’s done, to let you lay back and ride you so you don’t have to put in any work?” Namjoon’s breathing is getting heavy, pupils blown wider with each suggestion. 

“I told you!” you shriek, laughing in between the words. “I told you I’d…” And then your gloating tapers off, because what happens next has your brain malfunctioning.

“All of that,” he whines as she lets go of his hair and brings her hand down to run a fingertip over his perineum. “Want all of that. Want to bend you over the table and fuck you right here. Hear your sounds in the microphone.” Even in her dirtiest thoughts about him, she hadn’t considered the microphone, hadn’t considered recording it. When she thinks about it though, it makes sense. Namjoon is exactly the kind of person that would get off to someone’s voice. So, she does. She makes a show of turning around and slowly bending over the table, sliding her upper body across it carefully until she can reach her microphone and turn it on. When she says into it, “What’re you waiting for?” she sees over her shoulder the way that Namjoon shivers.

This is… not good. You’re never going to be able to look at a microphone the same way, which is extremely not good for a person who supplements their income with a very popular podcast that requires them to speak into a microphone for extended periods of time.

This is very, very bad.

Namjoon must be thinking the same, because he lets out a strangled a-haaa that’s less of a laugh and more a plea to God, the gods, the entire gamut of higher powers that might be able to save him. No one’s going to, you think, staring down at the paper again. This godless piece of fanfiction will be preserved on the internet forever, will be seared into your mind forever, and no amount of praying is going to erase it.

“I should, uh. Just read the rest, yeah? Get it over with?”

“Mhm. Yep. Yes, please.”

Don’t say please, you almost say. You can’t take it; not after what you’ve just read.

So you put on a show. Steel your expression and your nerves and take it seriously. Use voices and sound effects and desperately try to stave off the awkwardness you know is inevitable because a smut fic is probably only going to end one way, and that’s with you acting out Namjoon having an orgasm.

Maybe you’ll have another one, too, if the author is nice.

It’s sweet, she thinks, the way he’s easy for her, takes his time with her. Strokes his fingertips along her sides and kisses the back of her neck reverently. As much as she loves it, part of her hopes he’s not always like this—hopes he’ll give as good as he takes, hopes he’ll put her in her place. She can feel his cock hard against the cleft of her ass, not even inside her yet, and still, she thinks about next time and the time after that. “Still okay?” He breathes into her ear as his tip rubs against her cunt.  “Yeah—want you, Joon.”  “Never thought I’d hear you say those words.”  “I never thought you’d record them,” she teases, eyes glancing up to the flashing light showing the mic picking up all of this as he starts his slow slide into her.  Piper falls even further forward when he bottoms out, letting her forehead rest on the table. He’s whispering filth in her ear, about how he has something to prove, how she’ll never want anyone after this, how no one can fuck her the way he does.  She hates that he’s right.  Each stroke brings a new sensation: sparklers, butterflies, nerve endings on fire as he fucks into her and licks and sucks at her neck, her shoulders, her ear. Piper can’t even think, and this is what people mean when they talk about being fucked stupid, she decides.  It’s perfect.  Every time she thinks she’s getting close again, he changes something: fucks her a little shallower, moves his hips just a little, slows down, speeds up… It’s driving her crazy.  “Come on,” she whines. “I’m so close…” At least she can tell he is, too. No longer able to sustain the dirty talk, he’s breathing heavily, letting out broken moans and sighs of her name. He’s moving rhythmically now, thrusts consistently faster.  “Oh, fuck, Piper,” he groans, “Gonna cum.” One of his hands finds her clit and he rubs careful circles over her, bringing her to her peak along with him, no more teasing.  When she comes, it’s with a loud moan into the studio mic, and that seems to be what tips Namjoon over the edge, too. His hips stutter into hers as he comes, her cunt clenching around him for what feels like forever.

You deserve an award, you think. An Oscar. You didn’t even groan when you had to read the word “cunt,” and that’s a feat in and of itself.

“Is it over?” Namjoon asks, words muffled by the hands covering his face.

“Not quite,” you answer. “There’s some aftercare, and at the end you ask if I’ll piss on you.”

Namjoon gags. “I asked you what—”

“Today’s episode has been brought to you by Stamps-dot-com—”

HOLY SHIT THE NEW PATREON EPISODE???????? Posted by u/pod-shipper 4 minutes ago NO WAY. NOOOOOOO FUCKING WAY DUDE THERE’S NO FUCKING WAY THEY DID THIS AS AN ACTUAL EPISODE WHAT THE FUCK WHAT HTE FUCK WHAT EHTU FKF DFGLKDG;L (+705) I wasn’t sure if they were messing around before, and I was quite critical of the “shippers,” but now I’m pretty convinced. (+423) ↳ we’ve been telling y’all for YEARS 😤 (+197) ↳ Glad you’ve seen the light, u/RandomAcorn2058! (+5) ↳ ugh. they weren’t messing around before and they aren’t messing around now. do you guys not listen to what they say? namjoon’s been dating, and piper got out of a six-year relationship just over a year ago. if they’ve had something going on for “years” that means they’re both cheaters, and that’s a really shitty thing to assume about them. not to mention it makes the entire point of the podcast moot. (-63) Why do you guys think Jungkook “wasn’t allowed” to be there? (+314) ↳ So they could fuck lmao it’s so obvious (+329) ↳ because it’s awkward af? would you wanna read porn about yourself w all your coworkers in the room? (+2) ↳ the “it’s awkward” excuse is sooooo lame he’s the one who found it and is the one who edited the episode, he’s gonna see it regardless. (+15) ↳ Tbh I’m more curious about how he even found it to begin with? Do they have a throuple thing going on? Like, why was he looking for smut fic about his bosses? (+38)

You do not get through recording unscathed.

You are very scathed. Perhaps the most scathed a person has ever been.

Jungkook texts the group chat sporadically throughout the week, cracking jokes and making memes at your and Namjoon’s expense which is par for the course and shouldn’t have you off-kilter, but something inside you feels deeply wrong. Feels like someone’s given you devastating news; feels like it used to back in uni when you knew you’d failed an exam and were just waiting to see how badly.

It both helps and doesn’t that the internet is so invested. All the clips Jungkook keeps posting have re-doubled your Patreon numbers, and jumping up a tax bracket never hurt anyone, you included. But all of those jokes and memes largely went unanswered by both you and Namjoon, still too close to the incident to find the humor in it from the other side.

The two of you had sex.

Not literally, of course, but you figure you might as well have with the way you’re feeling. The way you’re avoiding one another. Someone wrote a story about the two of you having sex and you both read it and something about that, days later, feels really fucking unsettling.

In a bad way? You aren’t sure. It’s not like you’re mad or upset or any other synonym. You just feel… off. Itchy from the inside out, and that’s far from the norm in your and Namjoon’s friendship. In all the years you’ve known one another, you’ve never once avoided each other, including the time you’d set him up with a close friend and he showed up 45 minutes late to their date and ghosted after.

(Unsurprisingly, that friendship had not lasted.)

Maybe it’s because Yoongi had always been there as a buffer. You aren’t of the belief that men and women cannot be platonic friends, but being in a years-long committed relationship nixed a lot of awkward interactions and assumptions off the bat. Even Namjoon had known Yoongi first. Had introduced himself to you in your shared 100-level psych course with a, “Hey, you’re Min Yoongi’s girlfriend, right?” because they ran in the same underground circles and Namjoon had idolized him from afar for years.

Pretty fucked up, then, that Yoongi’s off in Los Angeles with his hot new boyfriend and you’re on your couch, Holly at your feet, pointedly ignoring your texts.

“I’m gonna get a cat,” you say to the dog, trying to redirect his attention when he starts chewing on your sock again. Holly doesn’t offer any input, of course, and he’s a lot like his father in that way. “I can’t believe you have a stepfather. You’re a proper child of divorce now, Min Holly.”

There are a pile of unread texts you continue to ignore in lieu of showing Holly pictures of adoptable cats. A few more memes from Jungkook, one from Namjoon’s new phone asking to move the recording date a few days because “something came up at work,” one from the food delivery service you admittedly use too much offering 10% off your next order, and two from Yoongi. This reminded me of you, the first one says beneath a picture of an ice cream cone on the ground, and another one of him holding a water gun that says send me a picture of my son or else.

You eventually reply back with a picture of your middle finger, Holly nothing but a blurred brown blob in the corner of the frame.

That’s how it goes for the better part of a week. Namjoon’s work issue lasts four days. He doesn’t offer an explanation and you don’t ask for one, you just wait for the all-clear text and try to quiet the nerves once you get it.

You’ve never been nervous to see Namjoon before.

The more popular the podcast became, the more money rolled in. The more money that rolled in, the more you could afford nicer things. That meant going from recording in Namjoon’s living room to a bona fide office space. Third floor, an expanse of windows and natural light, thirty-five minute commute by train.

Today, it feels more like thirty-five seconds.

You can hear Jungkook’s witch cackle from the stairwell, and your mind fills in the blanks of Namjoon’s exasperated sigh. It helps, your brain reminding you that you know these people. You know this is Jungkook’s late gym day, so he’ll be in a pair of sweats and a hoodie that drowns his frame. You know that when Namjoon has work issues and feels like an inconvenience, he always shows up with two boxes of baked goods from the bakery near his place, and you know both of them will save the best donut for you.

So you walk in and Jungkook’s in a hoodie and sweats just like you expect him to be, and there are two boxes of baked goods next to the coffee machine. Both of them say hello and wave and, for all intents and purposes, everything is normal.

Except it isn’t.

Because Namjoon looks… different.

Not in a bad way. Not in a bad way. He almost always dresses nicely, always looks polished and put-together, usually because he’s either going to or coming from campus—fitted shirts, either of the tee or dress variety, and earth-toned cardigans; tailored trousers that are sometimes corduroy; polished loafers. Sometimes, if he’s feeling extra casual, a stark white pair of tennis shoes.

Today, he wears none of those things.

No, today torture comes in the form of form-fitting jeans and a t-shirt a little oversized so he can roll the sleeves. His hair is brushed back off his face instead of parted down the middle. He’s wearing gold jewelry that glints in the sun. A pair of off-white Converse high-tops. And, much to your horror, he’s also wearing his glasses.

According to the internet, Kim Namjoon is peak husband material, which you can usually ignore, but not when he’s wearing glasses.

You avert your gaze, convinced you’ll burst into flames if you stare too long, not to mention Jungkook will notice and that’s a ribbing you’d rather die than take. So you avert your gaze and pointedly ignore Namjoon, who’s talking about his work crisis to no one in particular. Something about a co-worker going on an unexpectedly early paternity leave, and Namjoon being asked to cover some of his courses until they could find a more permanent fix.

Jungkook asks a question you don’t catch. Because paternity leave means his co-worker and his partner had a baby, presumably via old-fashioned methods, and it’s not a direct mention of sex but it’s close enough to send you into a coughing fit you have to blame on your donut. Neither of them buy it, but Namjoon is a good enough person to look genuinely concerned. Reaches out, probably to slap your back, but the thought of him touching you is just… too much.

So he barely gets out an, “Are you o—” before you choke down whatever’s left in your mouth and cut him off with a, “Yep, all good!” before you’re scurrying off to the opposite side of the room like a little rat.

It doesn’t get any better.

Both of you are so stilted and awkward during recording that Jungkook has to be the voice of reason and call it, suggest trying again tomorrow. Luckily he has enough b-side stuff he can release if need be, Namjoon’s work emergency providing a decent cover, and he sends the two of you home for the afternoon with all the exasperation and incredulity of a disappointed parent.

Thirty-five minutes back home.

Thirty-five minutes to sit in the embarrassment of not being able to do your job. Thirty-five minutes to catastrophize and wonder what you’re going to do if you can’t get it together. Namjoon will keep the podcast, of course; you’ll be replaced with someone else. Maybe someone less cynical, maybe someone more, but undoubtedly a man. After this mess, you can’t imagine Namjoon would want another female co-host.

But as embarrassed as you are, your traitorous brain keeps thinking about Namjoon.

Thirty-five minutes to think about his glasses and his rolled-up sleeves and the way the denim of his jeans contoured perfectly to his thighs. Thirty-five minutes to think about, “Please let me fuck you,” he begs. Thirty-five minutes to squeeze your thighs together and overanalyze the way he stumbled over his words today; how he could barely make eye contact. Thirty-five minutes to draft a dozen resignation texts and delete them all.

You groan, head thunking against the train window. You’ll take a cold shower as soon as you get home.

That’ll cure you.

You get home and walk Holly so long he gives up halfway through and you have to carry him back to your apartment. You take a cold shower and actually find it pleasant once the initial shock wears off, so it doesn’t work to keep all your rogue Namjoon thoughts at bay. You make a simple dinner and don’t think about Namjoon sitting you on the counter and having his way with you. You tuck yourself into bed far too early and consider going back to therapy, because clearly something very, very bad has happened to your psyche.

Needless to say, nothing cures you.

But it’s a new day, and you’re determined to get your shit together. Yesterday was a fluke, because you’re so normal and so capable of being in the same room as Kim Namjoon.

Except—you’re not.

Jungkook’s there when you arrive, mindlessly scrolling through his phone. Barely looks up at you to say hello, and barely returns it when you do. You double-check the time, because you can count on two fingers the amount of times you’ve shown up and Namjoon wasn’t already there, jotting down extensively-detailed notes, circling and highlighting and chasing down Jungkook to ask questions.

“Where’s Namjoon?”

Jungkook shrugs. “Dunno. Not here.”

You roll your eyes. “Super helpful, thanks.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes right back. “You don’t pay me enough to also be his handler.”

You bite your tongue. Arguing with Jungkook means you’ve already lost the war. Not worth it. But it still eases your worries a bit that he doesn’t know any more than you do. That Namjoon hadn’t only texted him to say why he was running late because he didn’t want to—or couldn’t—talk to you.

So you wait. And you wait and you wait and you wait. Jungkook lets you talk to people on his dating apps and tells you about his new gym routine until your eyes are glazing over. Orders food delivery for the two of you because he gets hungry after an hour and had already eaten what was left of the snacks before you arrived. Cracks a joke that isn’t really a joke about calling the police, because Namjoon still hasn’t shown up and he hasn’t said anything and none of your texts are showing as delivered.

You’re halfway to hour two when the office door bursts open and Namjoon stumbles through, soaked with sweat and stammering over apologies.

“I am so sor—I broke my phone again so my alarm never went off and then I missed my bus? And apparently they’re not running the regular bus schedule today so the next one was a half-hour wait, but then I…”

You don’t catch the rest, because Namjoon is covered in sweat and breathing heavily and a week ago you could’ve survived this. A week ago you would’ve cracked a joke and handed him a towel and told him to get to work. A week ago you would not have been paralyzed in your seat, transfixed on the sweat rolling down the side of his neck.

You are fucked beyond belief.

Jungkook elbows you in the ribs, bringing you back to reality. “...even paying attention?” You startle, face warming in embarrassment. Namjoon still isn’t looking at you. “This is so sad to watch,” Jungkook mumbles, and thankfully it’s only loud enough for you to hear. “Like some stupid shit you only see in nature documentaries.”

Well, you can’t really argue with that, now can you?

But you’re a professional above all, so you hum an acknowledgment and take your regular seat. Pointedly ignore Jungkook. Wait for Namjoon to assume his position as well, and you’re surprised to see the space in front of him empty. No notes. No script. There’s just… nothing.

“Are you okay?” you ask, gesturing to the space in front of him when he seems confused. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you without a stack of notes in front of you.”

“I forgot them.”

“Don’t think I’ve ever seen you do that, either.”

Your tone is light and airy, not at all accusing or confrontational, but Namjoon’s jaw clenches nonetheless. He scoffs, fires a shitty little, “Were you not paying attention when I was talking about what a horrible fucking morning I’ve had?” at you that makes even Jungkook flinch. A few moments of stunned silence, and then, “Oh fuck, I’m so sorry, that was rude—”

“Yeah, it was,” you agree, and all of a sudden you feel too big for your body. Feel like there are ants beneath your skin, feel like everything is wrong, and you don’t want to be here anymore. “It’s fine. Let’s just—”

Namjoon looks like he wants to argue, but he just sighs and says, “I—yeah, okay.”

This is where Namjoon would usually launch into the intro, a dimpled smile already plastered on his face that’d drop as he discussed another failed first date with that brand of self-deprecation that makes him so endearing. This is where he’d say what have you been up to, Pipe, and you’d try not to groan because how hard could it possibly be to add one more letter, another syllable, but Namjoon seems incapable of it. This is the part that, for three years, has been seamless and easy and instinctual, just two friends having a conversation.

There’s a red light on your microphones that indicates you’re recording. It’s on and it mocks you, because Namjoon is not doing the intro or telling you about a failed date. He doesn’t use that cringey nickname. He doesn’t say anything at all. His mouth opens and shuts and no words come out. What’s worse is that you know exactly why he can’t speak, because you’re thinking about it, too.

“So, uh,” you begin, and Jungkook makes a gagging sound from behind you. “Come here often?”

Namjoon ignores you. “Right, right, the intro…” He sucks in a breath. “Welcome back to another episode of Put Him in the Trash, I’m—”

“Joon—”

“Namjoon, and my co-host here is—”

“Joon, that’s not—”

“Piper. Wait, why are you looking at me like that?”

“That’s not the name of our podcast.”

“Huh?”

“You said Put Him in the Trash.” Namjoon just blinks. “It’s Place Him Gently in the Garbage.”

“Is it? Since when?”

“Since forever?”

He looks at Jungkook, who is hiding behind his hands. “Is she right?”

A beat of silence. “I can’t do this,” he half-shouts, half-whines. “Are you two going to be like this forever? Because if you are, I’m quitting. I’m so serious. I’m gonna quit. I can’t take it anymore. The two of you are insufferable.” Another beat of silence, before Jungkook stands at full height and lords over you and Namjoon. “Forget today. Just go home and try again on Monday. This is so—I’m seriously gonna quit.”

Yoongi comes on Saturday afternoon to pick up Holly.

Yijeong isn’t with him, which is almost disappointing. Now that he’s dating again, you were looking forward to seeing just how awkward it could get with the three of you in the same room, but he looks good. Refreshed. The trip clearly did a world of good for him, and you can’t even bring yourself to crack a joke at his expense.

He, however, has no such hang-ups. “You look like shit.”

“Weird way to say thank you.” You click your tongue and look down at Holly. “Do you see how your father treats me? You should bite him.”

“My son would never. But also, thank you.” He flops onto the sofa. “You do look like shit, though. You wanna talk about it?”

“Not with you, preferably.”

“Oh, gross, is it a dating thing, then?”

“I—no.” You pause. It’s not a dating thing, but you still feel like you’ve got motion sickness whenever you think about it. How would you even begin to explain this to Yoongi, anyway? Someone wrote a porn fic about me and Namjoon. You remember Namjoon, right? Namjoon, that I’ve known and have been friends with since college. Yeah, that Namjoon. Anyway, someone wrote fanfiction about us having sex, and it fucked me up so bad I can no longer be in the same room as him.

No fucking way.

“You look like you’re holding in a fart.”

“You know, I’m getting really sick of you. Did you just come here to insult me?”

He snorts, but his smirk dissipates a few seconds later, a familiar seriousness filling the void. “We’re okay, right? Was the Yijeong thing too soon?”

“No,” you answer immediately, leaning over to flick him on the forehead. “We’re fine, and if you’re happy, then I’m happy for you.” He still looks doubtful. “You want me to start singing ‘I Will Always Love You’ or something? It’s just… weird work stuff.”

“Depends. Are you singing the Dolly Parton or Whitney version? And real work or podcast work?”

“Podcast work, and obviously the Whitney version.”

Yoongi seems surprised by this, eyebrows disappearing beneath his fringe. “Like, the podcast with Namjoon?” He presses his tongue into the fat of his cheek when you nod your head. “Not gonna lie, I didn’t think that was possible.”

“Like I said, it’s weird. It wasn’t, like, an argument or anything.”

“How weird?”

“You’re so fake, Min Yoongi. You act like you’re so distinguished and above drama, but really you’re just as hungry for gossip as the rest of us.”

He shrugs. “I’m not denying it.”

God help you, you’re going to rip off the band-aid. “Someone… Jesus, this is so embarrassing. Someone… wrote? Fanfiction? About us.”

“About you and Namjoon?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh my god—”

“About us… uh. Having sex? Specifically.”

“Oh my god—”

“Jungkook found it and thought it’d be funny if we read it for an episode.”

“Oh my god?”

“So we did? And it was really weird, which I expected, because I’ve known Namjoon for a long time, and I never, ever thought about having sex with him because we were together and me and Namjoon are friends, so yeah, it was fucking weird. But now… I don’t know. I can’t stop thinking about it? And now we can’t even be in the same room as one another.” Yoongi is a concerning shade of red. “So our show is gonna get canceled, because we can only release b-side stuff for so long until people realize something’s up, and it was Namjoon’s podcast to begin with so obviously I’ll get fired—”

“Oh my god, you want to fuck Namjoon.”

Yoongi sounds like a strangled cat when he says this, which does not help the way you feel like you’ve been hit square in the face with a frying pan. “No,” you argue, though it sounds more like a question. You do not want to fuck Namjoon. “No, no. No. It’s just because it was weird.”

“Did you forget I dated you for six years? I know what you look like when you want to fuck someone.”

“You’re telling me you wouldn’t be weird if someone wrote fanfiction about you fucking your friend?”

“Not if I didn’t actually want to fuck them, no.”

“You’re a liar. Get your dog and get out of my apartment.”

Yoongi laughs as he stands. Pats you on the back in the most condescending way you’ve ever had someone pat you on the back. “Let me know how it goes. No need to give me credit for your moment of horny clarity.”

Min Yoongi is a bastard.

Unfortunately, as you come to find out, he’s also a correct bastard.

You want to fuck Namjoon.

Which is… not great, you have to admit, considering he can barely stand to be around you, so you take another cold shower and decide you’re going to take this to your grave. You’re going to spend the rest of the weekend getting your shit together, and you’re going to show up on Monday and be a consummate professional. You’re going to look at Namjoon and say, ha ha, isn’t it so funny someone thought we would have sex? I don’t think about it at all because I am so cool and normal about it.

You’ve got it all planned out. You’re going to show up fifteen minutes early with your own box of pastries. You’re going to look nice, if not a little pretentious—maybe a nice sweater. You’re going to be prepared with notes of your own. You might even be nice to the villain of the week so Namjoon doesn’t have to pinch the bridge of his nose and sigh at you.

And then someone knocks on your door.

You find Namjoon on the other side, and all your plans immediately go to shit.

Has he always been this tall? You can’t remember. You can’t remember a lot of things, including how to speak, because Yoongi had launched you into a crisis of epic proportions and now here’s the source of it, standing right in front of you. With all of his… height. And thighs. And that heady, musky cologne he always wears, that you can still smell now even though there’s an unfortunate amount of distance between you.

“Uh, hi.”

You blink. “Hi,” you parrot, and it’s a little insulting how one single word seems to have sucked up all of your brainpower. “Namjoon,” you tack on, not awkward at all.

“Sorry to just show up,” he says, scratching at the back of his neck. Very bad idea; makes his biceps bulge. You barely swallow your whimper. “It’s just—my phone’s still broken, and it felt bad leaving things how we did? So I was hoping we could talk.”

Talk. Namjoon wants to talk to you. Normally: not a problem. Currently: big problem. You manage a nod, open the door wider to let him in, and you don’t think about how jarring it is to have Namjoon in your space. You don’t think about how your legs feel like jelly all of a sudden, or what it’d be like if Namjoon bent you over the couch, or the kitchen counter, or the—

You cough. “Do you want anything to drink?”

“Oh, sure. Maybe just some water if you have it.”

If you have it. What kind of person doesn’t have water? But you tell him to make himself comfortable and get him some anyway, and you mull too long over the size of the glass. Ultimately decide on a smaller one, because if things get unbearably awkward you can excuse yourself to the kitchen to get more.

“I haven’t been here in a while,” Namjoon says from the living room, and when you look up he’s sorting through a stack of books near the window. Some he’d lent you months ago, notes jotted in the corners, sticky notes in the shape of sea animals on important pages. “You ever wind up reading this?”

The Idiot. Namjoon had raved about it when he was in the midst of his 19th century Russian phase, right after he’d read a bunch of Tolstoy and Pushkin. You shake your head—though, judging from the title, you wonder if someone hadn’t written your biography.

“It’s good. If you have the time, you should definitely give it a shot.”

“Yeah, of course,” you say, handing over his water. You take a seat in an armchair, pull your knees to your chest. Namjoon’s still looking through your books, isn’t looking at you, so it feels safe to say, “You wanted to talk?”

“Yeah.” He moves to sit on the floor, massive thighs spreading until he’s comfortable. Thank god he can’t see the look on your face. “I just wanted to make sure we’re alright. Things have felt pretty weird since we filmed the, uh.” He coughs. “Thing.”

“Right, yeah.” You realize he’s waiting for an answer, and you offer up a very rushed, “We’re fine, Joon.”

“Are you sure?”

Yeah, you’re sure: sure you absolutely cannot be having this conversation in the safety and sanctity of your own home. It’s tainted now, contaminated by all your uncontrolled horny thoughts about the man in front of you. You’ll have to fumigate. Might have to pick up and move, actually, or call an exorcist.

“I’m sure,” you assure him. “The… thing… was weird, but it’s fine. Temporary.”

“Do you think we shouldn’t have done it?”

That’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it? Because, in isolation, reading a porn fic about yourselves wasn’t a big deal. No one got hurt. Everyone who needed to be consulted was consulted. The episode made the two of you a lot of money, and Jungkook even promised to send some of it to the author, so your bases are beyond covered.

So, should you have done it? There wasn’t a good enough reason not to, because the story itself was never the problem.

The problem is staring you right in the face. It’s sitting on your floor, a book cracked in half at the spine and forgotten in his lap. The problem is looking at you like you hold all the answers to the universe’s secrets, and it’s no small thing to be looked at like that. The problem is that Namjoon is looking at you like that from across the room but you’re wondering what it’d look like from on top of you.

The problem is that you’ve co-hosted a podcast with Namjoon for three years, have known him even longer, and you’ve just realized today that you want to have sex with him.

And you can’t say that, can you, because Namjoon came here to fix things which really does not lend itself to a hookup. Namjoon cares about your friendship and your working relationship so much he came here to try and salvage it, so you’re going to keep your mouth shut. You’re going to say, “I think it’s okay that we did,” and leave it at that. Because it is okay.

Because you’re the problem.

It feels like a small victory when Namjoon sags in relief. When he exhales and says, “Okay, good, because I think so, too.”

“It made us a lot of money,” you tack on.

Namjoon’s eyes widen as he laughs. “Right? Like, that was almost too much money. Just to watch us read porn?”

“About ourselves. I think that was the selling point.”

He stands. You do, too. “Never thought I’d be doing that,” he says, returning the book to where it belongs. “Definitely the most embarrassing thing I’ve done for money.”

“Being a man with a podcast wasn’t embarrassing enough?”

He snorts. Gets closer to the door. “Hey now.” You’re going to survive this. “Thanks for entertaining me, by the way. For a second there I was really worried we’d fucked it all up.”

Just the ending. Just one more thing to say and you’ll be done with this, and then you can take your third cold shower in recent memory and triple text Yoongi with a full-fledged mental breakdown. Maybe he’ll bring Holly back and you can register him as your emotional support animal.

And Namjoon must sense the awkwardness that’s crept back in, because he tries to cover it with a joke. Says, “Haaa, like you’d actually piss on me, right?”

Except it sounds like he’s got a mouth full of marbles.

It’s no wonder you mishear him.

Because he says like you’d actually piss on me but you hear like you’d actually kiss me, and there isn’t a universe that exists in which the following makes sense: you, stunned into silence in the doorframe, Namjoon saying his goodbyes, you thinking fuck it, last chance and saying, “Yeah, I’d kiss you.”

Namjoon stops dead in his tracks. “What?”

Your entire body is on fire. “Is, uh. Is that not what you said?”

“I don’t think it matters anymore what I said.”

“I’d argue that it does, for the sake of my digni—”

“You’d kiss me?” Namjoon… doesn’t look put off of the idea, which is surely a point in your favor. Interesting to note that his diction is crystal clear, now. Bastard. “You’d kiss me right now?”

There’s also no explanation for the way you say: “It’s only been an option for ten seconds and you’re already begging for it?”

You’d say there’s no explanation for the way Namjoon’s jaw clenches, the way he repeats I don’t beg for anything, but maybe the simple fact is: the two of you want to fuck each other. And, judging from the way Namjoon crowds your space, keeps dropping his gaze to your mouth, it seems very likely to happen.

All that fixating you’d done on Namjoon’s thighs was wasted, you think, as you take in the shape of his mouth. His lips. The way his tongue darts out to run along the bottom at the last second before he reaches out, tilts your head up, and finally presses his mouth to yours.

And you’ve got to laugh, because no piece of written fiction could ever accurately portray what it feels like. How soft his lips are. The way he touches you—gentle, but still dominant enough to have you moving the way he wants, have you backing up into your apartment so he can smile against your mouth as he closes the door behind him.

No piece of fiction would get it right, the way you’re unsteady on your feet, breathless at the way Namjoon’s kissing you. How he only breaks apart long enough to ask where do you want me in that throaty, deep voice of his. How you’re so overwhelmed you can’t decide: unsure if you want to waste the time it’d take to get to your bedroom, but if it’s only going to happen once, wanting to make it count.

So you decide to risk it. Plant your hands in the middle of his exceptionally broad chest and push him in the direction of the hallway, and if the two of you can’t wait, can’t control yourselves, well.

But the story had gotten one thing right: Namjoon does kiss like a branding iron, hot and greedy. Namjoon kisses you like there’s nothing else he wants to do in this lifetime, and it makes you dizzy. Has you off-kilter, stumbling into the wall as you try to remember where the fuck your bedroom is and why it’s so far. Just like the fictional version of you, you also moan when he licks into your mouth.

“Should I do it the way we did in the fic?” Namjoon asks as the two of you cross the threshold into your bedroom, a cheeky grin on his face. “Do it like this?” he questions, pushing you gently until you’re on the back in the middle of your bed, chest heaving as you lift your head to look at him.

Namjoon is so, so big from where you lay, just hovering at the foot of your bed. Cheeks ruddy, bulge prominent. “What’d you say you wanted?”

Takes a second to remember how to breathe, let alone what you’d read. What do you want, Namjoon had asked, right before he’d sank to his knees in front of you. “Whatever you’re willing to give,” you answer.

Namjoon smiles. Puts one knee on the bed, and the way it dips beneath his weight is unsettling. Why does he have to be so fucking large. “That’s right, baby.” Christ, you think, because there’s another thing that fic had gotten right. No one on earth would be immune to Namjoon calling them baby in that tone of voice.

The riposte biting at the back of your teeth gets swallowed whole as Namjoon grabs your ankles and drags you to the edge of the bed. “May I?” he asks, hands poised above the waistline of your leggings. You nod, and Namjoon drags down your underwear with them. “Fuck, look at you,” he groans, awe creeping into the edge of his words.

“You want me to do it the same way? Hm? You’re being awfully quiet; thought you were giving me shit about being the one in charge,” he chides.

Because you’re short-circuiting. Namjoon’s on his knees, just like you’d envisioned, and his mouth is dangerously close to your cunt. How can you be expected to think and speak under these conditions? But if Namjoon can find the brainpower to be a bastard, so can you, because what you’d read and the way he’d reacted can both never be forgotten. So you thread your hands into his hair and pull. The resulting moan is enough to sustain you for years.

“Are you gonna keep running your mouth, or are you gonna make me come on it?”

He blinks. “Jesus Christ.”

There’s precedent. Fictional Namjoon ate you out like a man starved, like he couldn’t get enough. Had fictional you writhing and insatiable, so it’s a lot to live up to, but it doesn’t deter him in the slightest. He hesitates for only a second, giving you one last chance to back out before the two of you set every last boundary on fire, and then he’s settling between your thighs and making you see stars.

Now you know what it’s like. Now you don’t have to rely on fiction, and it doesn’t matter because it’d never compare to the way Namjoon feels as he works to bring you to your ruin. The way he flattens his tongue to lick long, thick stripes; the way his lips suction around your clit. The way it feels when he groans against your core. The way he says, “Fuck, you do taste good,” like that’s a completely normal thing to say. Like he doesn’t know exactly what he’s doing to you.

But you need more and Namjoon knows it. His mouth doesn’t leave your cunt for a second, but his fingers find your mouth, so you put on a show. Wrap your lips around them, suck on them the way he’s doing to you, make sure they’re slick. Namjoon groans again, doubles his efforts. Slides one thick finger inside of you and barely lets you adjust before he’s adding a second.

In an embarrassingly short amount of time, Namjoon has you unraveling. Presses incessantly on a spot that has your vision whiting out. Has you trembling, a little panicked as you say, “Joon, fuck—Namjoon, wait—” as it builds and builds and builds.

You might black out for a second, because you come to and Namjoon looks… stunned. He looks like he can’t believe any of what just happened, and you blink a few times, try to come back into your body, and when you regain enough consciousness, you’re extremely aware of the large wet patch beneath you.

“Um—”

“Holy shit.”

“Namjoon, that’s not—that’s embarrassing—can you grab a—”

He shuts you up with a kiss. Presses the taste of you into your skin, and all those silly protests die in your throat, because if Namjoon was needy before, he’s desperate now. Covers your body with his own, hips dipping down low enough to press his erection into the juncture of your thigh, and the weight of him is delicious. Has you fisting the fabric of his t-shirt to pull him closer, has you pulling it over his head, his pants following. Has your hands skimming down every thick part of his body until you reach his cock, hard and aching and slick with pre-cum.

“I need to suck you off later,” you say, done with overthinking. Time to just be honest, and Kim Namjoon has a dick you need to feel down your throat. “Remind me.”

He whines, thrusts into your hand a little harder. “How could I forget that?”

“Don’t know. Didn’t know if this would be the only time,” you answer. “Did you bring a condom?” Namjoon nods, fetches one from his wallet and rolls it on.

He hovers above you again. Looks nervous, all of a sudden, like he can’t tell his lefts from his rights. All out of sorts. You’re about to tell him it’s fine, you don’t have to do anything he doesn’t want to, don’t have to do anything at all, when he says, “It doesn’t have to be.” You just stare. “The only time.”

There’s a conversation to be had. You know that. Both of you clearly have feelings you need to talk about and sort out, but you reckon they can wait. They’ll still be there in the afterglow, in the morning. So you nod, say okay, Joon, and kiss away the insecurities that still linger.

You think about the fic. Think maybe Namjoon would appreciate it if you cracked a stupid joke, just like he’d tried to do earlier. “Has anyone ever called your cock stupid?”

He laughs, breath fanning against your skin. “No. Wanna try it and see what happens?”

Might as well. You try to remember the exaggerated tone of voice you’d used. Repeat the line—“Do you even know what to do with that big, stupid cock?”—and wait.

There’s a beat of silence, and then—

Namjoon swallows thickly. “I, um. Unfortunately, I think that really works for me.” You laugh. Pull him closer. Wrap your legs around his waist as he starts to move against you. Has jokes of his own. “Please. Please let me fuck you.”

You roll your eyes, laugh tapering into a giggle. “Do you know how?” Namjoon nods, looking all too much like a puppy eager to please its owner. “Do you promise?” He nods again. “Okay. Okay, come here.”

You expect him to move fast; expect the first time to be frenzied and a little awkward. It isn’t. Namjoon lines himself up and pushes the smallest bit inside, and then he’s leaning down to kiss you. Threads your fingers together, squeezes your hand. Pushes further inside and mumbles praise just beneath your ear.

It’s dizzying, the amount of care Namjoon handles you with. How soft he is. Does nothing to ease the discomfort of the stretch, the overwhelming fullness, but he talks you through it. Tells you how good you feel, how beautiful you look. Spills a lot of words you’d probably be embarrassed to hear and he’d be embarrassed to say if this was any other time, but in the heat of the moment it all just works to unravel you faster.

He bottoms out. “Okay?” he asks, and you’re rewarded with a dimpled smile when you say you are. Namjoon is a devastating kind of beautiful.

But, as he gives you time to adjust and you give him the all-clear, he also fucks like a demon. What once was hand-holding is now your wrists pinned to the bed, your body caged beneath him as he rolls his hips at a pace that has your eyes rolling back into your head. You’ve been deceived. Lured into a false sense of security.

It’s almost a shame this isn’t being recorded, because you want to memorize all the sounds Namjoon’s making. Want to hear them for the rest of your life. Don’t want anyone else to be the reason he sounds like this, and as he ups his pace and presses his lips to your neck, you don’t want to sound like this because of anyone else, either.

Maybe one of those times in the future, you can talk him into it.

Namjoon reaches down, rubs circles into your clit. Every time you think you might be close, he pulls his hand away, smiles like the devil. You let him have his fun for a while, let him think you’re keen to lie back and take it, and then you tighten your legs around his waist and flip him onto his back.

He doesn’t think it’s very funny. Looks up at you all bewildered. “What’re you—”

“You were taking too long,” you snark. “Figured I’d take matters into my own hands.”

“Yeah? Shit,” he says as you begin to move. “Fuck, baby, like that. Ride me just like that.”

You do. Don’t change a thing, because Namjoon’s cock is long and thick enough to hit exactly where you need it to. You can feel yourself clenching, feel yourself getting wetter, and the sight of Namjoon beneath you does nothing to stave off the inevitable. He looks even better than you’d imagined: skin flushed, eyes squeezed shut, head thrown back, sweat-slick. You want to make him cry. Want to give him the entire world. You will.

Namjoon thrusts at the same time you roll your hips, and that’s what does it. Has you crying out, has stars flashing behind your eyelids. Has you saying fuck, fuck, fuck as he drives you over the edge for the second time. Has you on the brink of oversensitive as he thrusts a few more times to chase his own end, almost delirious at the way Namjoon moans as he spills into the condom.

Has you swooning, just a bit, at the dopey way Namjoon smiles at you, eyes half-lidded and crinkled at the corners.

“Was that okay?”

You snort. “Yeah, I’d say it was decent.”

“Maybe next time you could pee on me,” he jokes.

You whack him on the chest. “Sure. Or we could record it.”

Has you a little shocked at the way his cock twitches inside of you at the mention of it.

On Monday, you don’t wear a pretentious sweater.

When you stroll in, Jungkook’s already got the best donut shoved halfway into his mouth because he’s a shithead. He eyes you warily, probably hoping with all his hope that you spent the weekend finding God and getting your shit together.

And then he realizes you’ve got on Namjoon’s hoodie and he nearly chokes to death.

“What the fuck are you wearing—”

Namjoon appears at that very moment, and it’s so hard not to take credit for the way he’s glowing, the dazed smile on his face. But Jungkook notices, because Jungkook notices everything, and his gaze darts between the two of you: your hoodie, Namjoon’s face, your face. He opens his mouth, something inappropriate bound to spill out, but Namjoon beats him to the punch. “Ready?” he asks you, and you nod.

It’s seamless.

No hiccups, no awkward stuttering. Namjoon gets through the intro without a hitch, and it feels exactly like it used to. Just two friends having a conversation. It’s obvious Jungkook still wants to say something, but after suffering through last week, he stays quiet lest he makes it worse and sends the two of you back to the bad place.

“How was your weekend, Pipe? Do anything fun?” Namjoon rolls his lips, tries not to laugh.

So you play along. “No, not really, just some dog sitting. How about you?”

“Oh, you know me. Had another first date on Saturday.”

“Did you? How’d it go?”

“Perfect.”

It’s a blessing Jungkook isn’t filming this, because your eyebrows raise so far they nearly disappear from your face altogether. There isn’t even a hint of hesitation in Namjoon’s voice, and although you would’ve described it the same way, hearing him say it with such conviction has you a little stunned. “Wow. You gonna see her again?”

“Yeah,” Namjoon says, sharing a private smile with you. “I think I am.”

who the FUCK is namjoon dating Posted by u/pod-shipper 7 minutes ago This has honestly ruined my entire day. I thought all the stories he told about dating were a bit… Like, what kind of guy has a podcast about relationships but can’t seem to be in one? But you could just HEAR it in his voice how much he likes this woman he went on a date with over the weekend and I’m sick to my stomach. (+2195) ↳ bro you and me both 😭 i genuinely thought him and piper had something going on fr (+1302) ↳ Seriously might stop listening because of this! Any woman with self-respect would never let their partner host a podcast with someone they’re obviously in love with. If he gets serious with this woman, Piper will be gone within 6 months, mark my words. (+927) ↳ I wouldn’t worry about it too much! My cousin works at a really nice restaurant in the same city Namjoon lives in, and she said she saw this “date” on Saturday and that it wasn’t anything serious. (+788) ↳ Piper got a cat and Namjoon finally got a second date. Face it, it’s over. (+325) ↳ cannot believe him and piper aren’t dating.. do you think i should delete all my tiktok edits? (+4) ↳ this is unhinged lmfao i thought y’all hated piper? you’re in here bitching abt her being a “misandrist” every week and now ur gonna stop listening bc namjoon isn’t dating her? pick a lane and stay in it (-64)

Thank you so much for reading! I'd love to hear your thoughts, and reblogs/shares are always welcome! I appreciate you very much~ ♡

[strniohoeee]

Matt with a GIRLY ASS GF, I’m talking feminine energy coquette, bows, pink, I want it ALL😫😫 I can’t the thought of Matt having masculine energy being protective over his gf, I know it’s not a request request more like an idea, you can go about however you’d like, but plssss

Dally

Pairing: Matt Sturniolo X Female Reader

Synopsis: A short little imagine about Matt with a girly girl for a girlfriend🎀💞

Warning⚠️: None, honestly I’m not 100% what tf coquette is LOLL, or like being a girly girl, so I tried my best. It’s also super short because it was more of like a blur idea I had, but I hope you enjoy🥹

Song for the imagine: Primadonna- MARINA

Primadonna girl, yeah

All I ever wanted was the world

I can’t help that I need it all

Pink, bows, teddy bears, sparkles, more pink, more bows. I mean that was my whole lifestyle. I loved everything girly ever since I was a little girl.

Most of the time boys ran away when they would see my room. Scared at how girly and dainty it was. However when I showed Matt my room his eyes lit up.

To see this tattooed, rugid, dark person in my bright pink filled room made my heart flutter. I mean totally not his aesthetic, but somehow we worked together?

My room was full of pink and white, teddy bears, there were bows on everything, sparkles, dainty white curtains, light pink carpets. I mean it was like Paris Hilton threw up everywhere. To see Matt look at everything with a smile on his face. To watch him sit on my bed, his black outfit clashing against my bright room.

Matt was so adorable. I mean he’d let me do whatever I wanted with him, but would also turn around and snap someone’s neck for me. He was so overprotective of me, often giving men looks and comments if they ever tried to say anything to me.

But then that same night we’d be laying in my bed as I mindlessly tied bows in his hair to make us laugh. Laughing at how silly he looked as I laid a kiss on his lips while we giggled. And snapping pictures for instagram.

Matt loved buying me gifts, and making sure I sat at home looking pretty for him. I’d wake up to a new package almost everyday. Pink boots, a white shirt with bows, more bows for my hair, a new teddy bear for my collection, cardigans, makeup….I mean everything I ever wanted Matt got for me.

I sat at home primping myself for him as he was out there working to bring home money. I always felt bad, but it was something Matt insisted I do. He wanted me to sit still and look pretty for him.

He used to take me shopping, but the last time we went to the mall he almost got into a fight with some guy hitting on me. Honestly I was ignoring the guy, so I didn’t even know he was saying things to me.

Up until Matt moved me out the way and got in the guys face. I mean security had to step in. That was the last time we went out. Matt said “I can’t have my precious baby getting disrespected by random creeps”. I mean agree, but also I missed shopping

Because of this Matt gave me his card information, so anything I wanted I could just buy. I bought one thing, and I just didn’t like to buy stuff without asking.

However recently I’ve been very into coquette style, and Matt has no idea what that means, so he just tells me to swipe his cards and do as I please. I haven’t because I like to ask permission first.

I’ve been eyeing these shoes for a few weeks now, and they’re $250. Something Matt would say is nothing, but to me that’s so expensive. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of them though. I had a tab open on them and stared at them for hours on end.

Finally one day I decided to text Matt

Matt🧸

-Hi babyyyyy :)

-Hi my precious baby!

-I have a question….

-what’s up?

-sooo there’s these coquette shoes I want, and I’ve been eyeing them for sooo long

-what is it with this coquette shit??

-IDKKK, but I love them. They’re the perfect coquette aesthetic

-Coquette this….coquette that…how about you coquette a job😀

-Matt…. That’s not funny��

-I’m kidding, baby! Charge the Amex. How many times do I have to tell you? Get whatever you want!!

-Nooo I hate doing that. I like to ask permission before buying anything with your money😔

-baby I earn this money for you! I love seeing you in your outfits with your shoes. I love seeing you happy. So please get whatever you want!❤️

-okay baby. Thank you 🥹

-Of course my love💞🎀

Matt was the best thing to ever happen to me. I was able to be me because he loved me for me. And I’m sure he loved me for my pink lingerie sets I always had on deck for him….

The End

Y’all…..IDFK WHAT THIS IS OK😭😭 idk anything about a girly girl aesthetic or coquette, so I did what I could😔. However I hope you enjoyed🥹🖤🖤

-J💅🏽

[lyrakanefanatic]

Grayson and phone girl hcs!!!!

- He’s Folklore coded

- Shes midnights coded (or red idk)

- Grayson hates sweet coffees and takes his coffee black

- phone girl takes her coffee with one milk and 2 sugars

- Grayson loves taking photos of her

- he also loves spoiling phone girl, but she hates being spoiled (yes she has yelled at him multiple times for getting her expensive gifts but he gets her them anyway)

- she didn’t know how to swim well before but then Grayson taught her

- her and Grayson play chess together and at first he won most the games, but then phone girl started catching up and winning aswell

- when phone girl told Grayson her favourite book, he immediately started reading it so she would have someone to talk to about it 💖💖

- forehead kisses and neck kisses!!!!

- she’s close with all of graysons brothers but ESPECIALLY close with Jameson (I just feel like they would be bsfs)

- movie nights are sacred to them!!

- graysons close with her mom and is always so kind to her (🤭💖💖💖)

- thea showed phone girl the video of Grayson singing karaoke in tights and she didn’t shut up about it for like 3 months 💀

- she’s a super light sleeper, meanwhile grayson can sleep through a war (the final gambit atonement night chapter says he’s a deep sleeper LMAO)

- grayson contrasts silver, phone girl contrasts gold

- Grayson realized he liked her before she realized she liked him (and when she did realize she didn’t want to accept it bc his grandfather was kinda the reason her dad died)

- she’s close with both of his sisters but ESPECIALLY close with Savannah, and the two of them hang out all the time

- one night, grayson got really drunk, like blackout drunk, and accidentally told all of his brothers that he liked phone girl, (which honestly they saw coming) and he had a really nice heart-to-heart with them. He talked about why he loved her and how he loved her the second he called his phone, and then ruined the heartfelt moment by throwing up on the carpet

- when gigi first met phone girl, (I’d assumed she’d meet her kind of late into the games) she thought that she was the “girlfriend” Grayson was talking about in tbh, and without a hint of irony in her voice, asked “so, you like limes?”

- phone girl was immediately confused and asked her what she meant, but Grayson switched the topic and (somehow) saved himself a lot of embarrasment

- phone girl doesn’t really like her birthday anymore because that was the day her father shot himself, so Grayson tries to do really fun and exciting stuff to distract her

- she tried getting other girls to date him, and then would be surprised when she got jealous 💀

- Nash was the first one to notice they liked each other and asked Grayson about it teasingly, and Grayson in response ended the conversation SO FAST

- she eventually found out WHY Gigi asked about the limes, and made a joke saying “ the entire world is in love with you, Grayson, and you had to make up a fake girlfriend?”

-now the lime thing is an inside joke, so whenever one of graysons brothers (or Grayson) asks where she is, she just says “I’m out buying limes”

- Avery and her are those friends that “hang out” by laying on the couch, watching movies, and going on their phones instead of actually doing stuff together (iykyk)

- Grayson was SOOO mad about Mathias liking Gigi bc he works for eve, so he told phone girl and she actually took gigis side (Grayson was shocked but gigi and phone girl immediately became bsfs after that day)

okay thats all and I know I’m talking about the inheritance games too much and it may be annoying, but trust me it will be WAY more annoying when the grandest game vault comes out 💀 (im sorry)

[krylng]

we will meet again. part 1

TW: blood, gore, death, torture. and alastor being… well… alastor.

next

it was a rainy afternoon, and you were picking out a dress for an upcoming soirée. your best friend, Jane, was inviting you. her parents were wealthy, and she got along with everybody. you, on the other hand, were clumsy, shy, and not very good with words.

“i have no idea what color my dress should be. and, it’s tonight!” you panicked, pacing around the room. “then i need matching makeup, and then a hairstyle that fits my face and my dress!” you whined.

Jane smiled mischievously. she grabbed a bag and shook it a little bit. “for you!” she handed you a bag with purple cloth inside of it.

“seriously!? you didn’t have to buy this for me! how much was it??” you ask, nervously. you always felt bad when she bought you things. especially expensive things.

“oh, don’t worry about that. you have the perfect dress now!” she set it on your bed. “jane, i can’t accept this. i’m sorry, it’s too expensive

.”

“pleaseee!” you pouts and begs for you to take it until you finally agree. “fine. i guess i’ll take it.” you smile and take it from the bag.

you put it on, and jane claps her hands and squeals. “it looks so good on you!” she hugs you, careful not to wrinkle it. “can you do my makeup? i’ll do yours after!” you agree, and you gossip while you do each others makeup.

“you know, i heard there’s some hot men coming.” Jane says as she puts her feet into her heels. you can’t help but wonder. “do you know Alastor? the one who’s dad went missing?”

“yeah, what about him? hes probably not that special.” you giggled when jane playfully nudged you with her elbow. “isn’t he your type? i heard he’s such a gentleman!”

“so what? i’m not going to be interested. he will probably be busy dancing with other girls. i need to focus on other people.” you slip your feet into your heels, and you put on a jacket.

you and jane walk 20 minutes to her mansion. the butlers take off your jacket and they hang it up.

after a while

“sooo~” jane giggled. “any luck finding some.. other men?” you roll your eyes. “no…” jane points at alastor who is drinking from a glass and talking to three girls. “he’s busy.” you say.

Jane pushes you in his direction. “Jane! stop!” she giggles, and you find yourself falling. a pair of strong arms catch you right before you touch the ground. you look at his face, and see alastor’s brown eyes looking at yours.

your mouth opens but nothing comes out. you snap out of it and use his shoulder to stand up again. “i am soo sorry! i swear, i didnt mean to! please forgive me, sir.” you look at the floor.

“my, my.” he holds your chin, forcing you to meet his gaze. he looks at the other girls to signal them to leave. “since you apparently wanted to be by me…” you interrupt him. “my friend pushed me towards you because i can’t talk to men… i’m bad with words.”

he laughs, taking your arms and swiftly dancing with you to the music. “i’m not good at dancing.” you tell him.

“just follow my lead.” he stares into your eyes. even when jane cheered for you, you still never broke eye contact. you got lost in his eyes and the music. it was perfect. he held you tighter, and then you tripped and accidentally stepped on his foot. “fuck! i’m so sorry!” your smile disappears as you step away from him. “do you need ice?”

he laughs, “no, i’m perfectly fine. you were right about your… dancing.” he wipes his suit where your hands were.

“are you wiping off your suit from my hands?” you say, a little furious that he thought you were dirty.

he laughs. “dear, i have to. i dance with many ladies. i dont want any of them to get sick!”

you roll your eyes at him. he assumed you were dirty! you walk away from him, and towards the bar where Jane is. “ooh~ so how did it go~?” she giggles.

“terrible. i accidentally stepped on his foot…” you sigh, but jane laughs. “he probably wasn’t used to that from a lady.” you laugh with her for a while. “did you dance with anybody?” you ask her.

“of course i did.” she smoothed out her long, brown hair. “many guys asked me to dance, but i only said yes to a few of them.”

“at least guys ask you. you tried, and i’m grateful your such a good friend to help me, but… i’m like… men repellent or something.” you sigh, looking at the shot in front of you. you were only 16, so you didn’t know if you were allowed to take it. Jane caught your stare, and said, “they wont know. take it! i already took three.” you laughed, and playfully punched her in the arm.

she pointed at alastor who was making his way over the bar with two ladies following him. he signaled them to leave before taking a seat next to you. he ordered a shot, and you couldn’t help but wonder how old he was. he looked young, like your age. he saw your stare.

“you know, it’s rude to stare.” he smiles, but he looks slightly irritated.

“sorry, how old are you anyway?” you ask, wondering why you actually asked. his eyebrows shot up before returning to their normal place. “18. why do you want to know how old i am?”

“you ordered a shot, and you’re not 21.” you raise an eyebrow. “funny, i just saw you take one. and how old are you?” he waited for an answer. “i’m 16.”

he smiled. “then you can’t complain about me taking shots then, hmm?” you give him an angry look before turning around to face Jane again. “now, what do i do about my little… problem?” you ask her. she sighs. “there’s not much to do, except learn to dance. i know, you’re not a very good dancer.”

”she’s not a very good talker either.” you turn to see alastor taking a shot and smiling at you. “it’s rude to talk like that to a lady!” you say, frustrated that he wouldn’t shut up.

“you..” he chuckles. “you are no lady.”he smiles and your eyes narrow.

“can we go soon?” you ask Jane. “why? the night is still young!” she takes another shot. “i think that’s enough shots for today, jane.” you drag her and you both dance to the music. after a while, you are both sweating and tired. you see alastor staring at you, with… a weird look in his eye. he looks like he was going to murder everyone in the room.

”J-jane… he’s staring at us, we should go. now.” you say, pulling her towards the exit. the party was at her mansion, but you were having a sleep over at your house. you both run, giggling. you both stop in an alley to catch your breath. you can’t shake this feeling. “Jane, keep going to my house, im going to stay here and check some stuff out.” she continues to walk to your house. of course, you feel bad for leaving her alone.

“what’s a pretty… girl… like you doing alone in this alley?” you turn your head to the voice, and see alastor. “what the fuck! did you follow me?” you look at him, disgusted.

he chuckles. “what? i need to catch… my prey.” you take a step back, but he pins you to a brick wall. he puts the edge of his knife on your neck. “hold still. i’ll end your life quickly.”

you have no idea what happened next. you kneed him in his gut, swiping the knife mid air. you tried to pin him next, but he was stronger than you. you shoved the knife in his chest, not very deep. it wouldn’t kill him, but it would hurt him. you were surprised when he kept smiling like a maniac. “what is wrong with you?” you step back while he laughs like a physco. “i didnt know anybody could hurt me back! especially a girl like you,” he says, pulling the knife out. his blood dripped from the knife, and he licked it clean.

you were horrified as he came closer to you. you turned to run, but it was blocked by another wall. he pins you again, slicing your neck. you were surprised when it didn’t go deep. just enough to make you bleed. you squirmed when he licked the blood from your neck. your face was flushed from shock. he bent down, still by your neck. “fuck. i got to have you.” you heard him mumble. “be a good girl, i need to taste your blood again.”

“what!?” you were shocked, and a little weirded out. “just kill me or something! this is weird!”

he laughed. “i couldn’t kill you now, darling. i need your blood.” he tightened his grip on your shoulder as he cut another spot on your neck. he moved his other hand to your waist. he bit and sucked and licked more blood off. a little moan accidentally slipped out.

“for an annoying brat, you sure do know how to please me.” he said, admiring the blush that appeared on your face. “don’t pretend i didn’t remember what you did that first time i pinned you. i saw you fight for your life.” he took your chin and moved your head to see more of your neck. he cut a little bit from your other side.

you didn’t feel.. pain. it was pleasure. you moved your head to give him more room to lick the blood from your neck. “mhh, good girl.” he smiled against your neck and continued to lick. soon, the blood from all three cuts stopped bleeding. he dropped the knife, and it made a clink noise on the concrete. even though the blood was gone, he still sucked and bit your neck. he stepped away, cracking his neck before continuing.

you felt him grab your legs, and you jumped up, wrapping your legs around his waist. he gave you more hickeys now that you were at his level. he found your body irresistible, but he knew he had to play carefully. if he asked if you enjoyed it, you would say no. but you actually loved it. his grip on your body, his tongue, and his perfect teeth sinking into your skin.

he stopped to study your face. your whole face had a deep blush on it. he laughed and stared at your lips, wondering how they tasted. he kissed you softly, and you found yourself kissing him back. and you felt as your hands crept up to his head and you gripped his soft hair gently. he bit your lip, and you moaned from pleasure. that made him kiss you more aggressively.

“ALASTOR!” some girls called out from a distance. “WHERE ARE YOU?”

you groaned as he set you down and you snuck out while he talked to the ladies. he waved and winked as he saw you make your way back to your house. you were greeted by your parents.

i’m done for. once they see my hickeys and my cuts, i’ll be killed by them! you thought.

“oh, we were so worried!” your mother hugged you softly. you covered the scars and hickeys with your hair as Jane ran up to you and gave you a hug. “i thought something bad happened to you!” she said as your parents headed to their room to sleep. you and jane changed as you showed her the hickeys and scars. you told her to be quiet, and she squealed softly.

“who did this!?” she jumped up and down when you said, “alastor.” you explained the cuts and the hickeys to her.

“i can’t believe he was going to kill you! i wish i could have seen you turn the tables on him! wait… could he be the one behind the murders…?” your smile fell and your eyes widened. “we have to keep this a secret. if he found out we told anyone, we would both be killed. and, i mean… i kind of like it.” you say, dreaming about him.

“GIRL. HE COULD BE A SERIAL KILLER!” she shouted quietly.

you sigh. “i… i dont know if he would hurt me, but we definitely can’t tell anyone.”

she sighed and patted your shoulder. “be careful. please.” you hugged her and reassured her. you both headed to bed. in the morning, you were greeted with a note and a rose.

Thank you for the amazing night last night~

-Alastor

you squealed as you showed Jane the rose and note. she squealed with you.

the realization hit. he came to your house. inside of your house. you looked around and saw the window open. you closed it. this was a lot to think about. you decided to think about it later.

“hey baby, i’m going to a friends house.” your mother says, grabbing her purse. “she has a kid your age! maybe you would want to be friends?”

“sure.” you say, following her out the door. you wondered if she was nice.

“Marie! it’s been so long!” your mother hugs her mom.

“this is my son, alastor!” she shows her son. you thought her kid would be a girl, since you weren’t friends with any boys. your mouth was wide open, as your mothers went to the living room to catch up, leaving you and alastor there.

“are… you going to say something…?” he said, confused.

“y-you’re the one who cut me and…” you didn’t finish you sentence.

“funny, i don’t remember doing that. are you trying to get me in jail or something? for saying i cut you? i am a gentleman!” he narrowed his eyes, keeping his smile.

“fuck you! you don’t even remember!” you laughed a little bit. he cocked his head, but lead you into his house anyway. it was small, but nice. he lead you up some stairs to his room. your eyes wandered all over the room and then they spotted his desk. you examined the radio on it. “are you… into radio or something?” you asked, confused. you have never met anyone with a radio in their room. he didn’t answer. things were awkward, since the incident in the alley. and, of course, he didn’t remember. you were a little upset that he didn’t remember their little moment in the alley. he could see your facial expression. “you look upset. why don’t you tell me why?”

you groan a bit. “because you don’t fucking remember what happened!” you move the collar of her dress down to show your neck, full of cuts and hickeys. he laughed. “i did that? mhm.” you roll your eyes. you smile. “i also know your secret~” you tease. he didn’t think you were teasing, so he slammed the door shut and pinned you to the wall, with a firm grip on your neck. “what secret.” he said, staring you down.

suddenly, you didn’t want to say it. you forgot how strong he was.

“say it… sayyy ittt….” he begged, every second the grip would get tighter.

“just…please…stop.” he let you go, and you fell down your knees, gasping for air. he crossed his arms, waiting for you to say something. you coughed and cleared your throat. “the one last night. when you placed the knife by my neck, i knew. you were the one behind these murders… aren’t you?” you say. “oh, don’t be worried. it’s not like i’m going to tell anyone.” he raised an eyebrow.

“oh, i’m not worried. you should have been worried, since i… always. carry a weapon in my pockets.” he smiled at your trembling. “now, how do i know i can trust you?” he waited for you to think of something.

a few minutes later, you came up with something. “i could help you kill someone.” you were shocked you even said something like that. you hated violence, but you were willing to do it for your life. he laughed. “my point is, if i were to tell anyone… you could use that against me too, and i would go to jail. and i couldn’t stand it there.”

“mhm… and if you were to betray me tonight?”

“tonight…? you want me to prove it tonight?” you gulp. “i mean, you are stronger than me��”

“now, i’m going to have to keep you here for… hmm… a few hours until it’s time. so you don’t tell anyone. now let’s discuss the plan.”

you both discussed the plan several times. even the victim and where he was.

“i’m so bored, i think i memorized the plan.” you groaned.

“good.” he turned his radio on, and he invited you to dance with him. you were both sweating when the song ended, and the next song was the same song from the soirée the night before. he took your hands, and placed them on his shoulders. “don’t worry my dear, i’ll teach you how you really dance.”

you both picked up the pace, until you both collapsed from dancing. you laughed and looked at the clock. it was time. you were going to kill someone.

”oh, it’s that time already? well, i think it’s time to leave now. ready, dear?” he lead you to the door and closed it behind you two. he walked with you towards the forest. you didn’t know it well, but he guided you through the dark woods. the man from the plan was supposed to be somewhere near. he touched his mother, so now you both were going to murder him. it made you feel better that he deserved it, but it also kind of felt wrong. not murdering him, but just… ending a life. it was too late to back out now. you were wearing hunting clothes, and pants. you never got to wear pants often, but it did make it easier to move around. you spotted the man, and alastor pointed his rifle at his head.

“no… i’m not going to just kill him. he needs to feel pain. he needs to be tortured.” he said, putting the rifle down. you followed him, and he carried a long knife. he jabbed it into his leg, and he yelled. he was carrying a rifle. he must have been hunting. the man pointed it at alastor.

“you little bastard! i’m going to fucking kill you!” his fingers roamed around the trigger, not pulling it. yet. he would pull it soon.

you threw a rock at the rifle, making it slip out of his hands and onto the ground. he dropped to his knees to pick it up, but you stepped on his head, and he yelled out from pain. you helped alastor up.

he walked over to the man, but he grabbed the knife and swung alastor into a tree. you gasped, not knowing what to do. he walked over to you, and you slapped him. it didn’t do much, but it angered him more. he grabbed you by your hair. “aww, his little bitch, helpless.” he laughed, looking at alastor who seemed to be unconscious. “hmm, maybe i’ll kill her. oh! i’ll do the same thing to her with what i did to your mom.” you looked at alastor, helplessly. something inside of you realized, he wasn’t unconscious, you needed to trust him. you hoped you were correct. you took a deep breath before grabbing his hair and ripping a chunk from his scalp. he screamed and threw you ten feet away. you arm ached, and alastor was in the same state,

you stood up, wiping your lips that were bleeding from biting them accidentally during the throw. you could see alastor open his eyes and quietly got up. you knew you had to distract him.

“why are you doing this! why would you touch a lady like this?” you tried to avoid eye contact with alastor.

“don’t be so sensitive, woman. it’s because it’s way too easy.” alastor grabbed his knife, climbed onto his back, and shoved the knife in his bald spot as deep as he could. his eyes rolled back and he collapsed. he was still alive, but not for long. he used all his strength to carve his whole face out. you saw all the organs in his head. he pulled it out and handed it to you. the man was still breathing, since his nose only remained.

you didn’t know what you did. you just shoved it into his torso and did the same thing alastor did. you saw his heart, and you yanked it out of there. you used your hands and squeezed it so hard, it exploded in your hand, leaving bits of heart on the ground. you smiled. your eyes widened. you starting laughing like a maniac, stabbing him many times even though he was obviously dead.

alastor smiled at you, liking the way you took him out. you handed him the knife, and alastor dragged his body into a hole. “there. that’s taken care of. i suppose you proved yourself to be quite… useful.”

he knew he had to make you his.

he wiped some blood off his clothes and smeared it on your face to make a smile. you laughed and smeared some on him back. it was like a game. smearing someone else’s blood on each other until you decided to head back to wash up.

you rinsed the blood from your closes and you hung it up. you were both naked, so you both kept your eyes closed. you both changed, and you and your mom walked back to your house. she had no idea what you both did.

you were close to your house. “is that blood?” she sniffed the air.

you giggled. “i dont think so? blood isn’t that strong.” she laughed and wrapped her arm around you and squeezed you.

you took a shower, removing the smell off of you completely. you know alastor wanted you to help with more murders after that. you just didn’t know what would show up at your doorstep with him.

ahhh, the first part of the story done! stay tuned~~

creds: @worldofkuro for their series! i would have never made this without her series. i was so inspired, so i made a story as well! not the same plot or story though. i recommend reading The Painted Smile! it took me a few hours, but it was SO worth it!

[fatuismooches]

FUCK I TOTALLY FORGOT TO SEND YOU AN ASK ABOUT THE FIC... i just got hit full force but like 89831 different fucking projects all at once MY BAD POOKIE BUT UGHHHHHHH oh my god.... part 2??? yes.. all of it is soooo YESS

YESS you visualized everything what you've been talking about how reader would react when they first wake up after centuries and honestly hella realistic EVEN THOUGH I JUST WANNA HOLD READER AND KISS THEIR FOREHEAD 😭😭😭

reader interacting with the segments has my HEARTTT oh my god.. especially omega.. he's SUCH A DEVIOUS MOTHERFUCKEGUJK,,, also reader naming the segments UGHHH i adore that idea so much pleaseee ,, i love how the segments who didn't give a shit suddenly changed their minds when reader said they wanna give them names... THE SWITCH UP AND THE IMMEDIATE DENIAL...

READER MEETING BABY ZANDY ,,, FUCKINGG hell got me sooo soft i wanna hold baby zandy and treat him soo nicely 🥹🥹

ALSO YESS omgg,,, this part has me sooo fucking soft like reader making friends??? with the other harbingers??? i love it... omg they'd be such good besties with columbina,, i think pantalone helps reader adjust to present time as well, especially with it comes with money or the economy (if you ever ask him about it)

but oh.... to top it all off nicely, you gotta sneak in some subtle angst!!! smh... (im so proud of you tho!! like yasss sis feed me sad shit >:333) poor scara and reader :( i think they would've gotten along if reader wasn't dottore's lover n' scara wasn't dottore's experiment ,,,

ALL IN ALL. fuck you pookie im not excited for the next two parts (im kidding I AM IM JUST... NOT READY... pleas epost it next year so i'll be ready enough thank you /jjj) NO SERIOUSLY THIS TIME,, THIS WAS SOOO GOOOD and i love it so much, really popped off honestly (evil laughs because it's dottore)... like im soo happy to see how much you've grown esp thru writing !!!

have a good day pookie, im going back to my grave where i died for the next few days 💗💗

ALSO I WAS GONNA SEND IN ANOTHER DOTTORE IDEA but i fucking forgot again. FUCKS SAKE i hate not writing shit down...

POOKS DONT EVEN WORRY!! Just make sure to take care of yourself ok?? School can really be an ass i understand-

BUT OMG GRENFRG AHHH YOU'RE MAKING ME SMILE TOO MUCH POOKIE AHHWQ I'm so happy you liked it 🥺 BUT NGL I WANNA GIVE READER THE BIGGEST HUG TOO 😭 i put them through too much don't i 😭 dw they will be getting Dottore comfort next chapter!!

Bro i love writing Omega as a devious mf so much 😭 IM SO GLAD U LIKED THAT PART BC I WAS GIGGLING TO MYSELF ABT HOW THEY DGAF ABT THINGS BUT THEN SUDDENLY THEYRE INTERESTED WHEN UR A PART OF IT

AND YESSSS READER MAKING FRIENDS RAHHHH that part was probably really long for a Dottore fic but. i feel like having friends is so important and fragile reader really deserve some niceness in their lives 🥺 AND OMG NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT. Fragile reader would be freaking blown away from inflation. i don't know how prices were four hundred years ago but they would probably be shocked to their core when they see how much expensive things are now?? imagine fragile reader trying to stop Dottore from buying things for them because of how expensive things are now, and they're having flashbacks to being a broke Akademiya student 😭 And Dottore is just honestly finding it amusing to see you freak out and beg him to save his money (it's okay, he's a Harbinger he's loaded) (as long as he's not spending it on experiments)

BUT YEAH MAYBE IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE... reader and Scara could have been friends :( we'll never know... but yasss i will continue to feed you sad shit >:) hehe I CANT WAIT TO POST THE FINAL PART!! ngl the ending of the fic was like. the first thing i wrote for it because it hit me and i was like i CANT forget this. im telling you pookie its gonna be pretty juicy. BUT THANK YOU YOU'RE BEING SO KIND AHHH it's really sweet of you. thank you for being here for so long in my writing journey (and my descent into Dottore madness) ily 🥺

[moonbyulsstuff]

EUNSUNG DATING HEADCANNONS WITH A GN!READER???? (Mayybee a non fighter would nice too sometimes, too many badass readers I need some damsel in distress types now 😔)

Omg I finally get some good content for him 😩 was waiting for this day sooo bad! 😍🫠

Dating Han Eun-Sung Headcanons.

GN Reader.

Requested.

Masterlist.

Request Rules.

This man was absolutely weak towards you.

Just you having anywhere near his sight, get's him weak.

You smiled at him? He's a blushing mess.

You held his hand? He's red as cherry and steam is starting to come out out his head.

So in a nutshell, he's weakness is basically you. Just your presence alone. Just get's him weak in the knees.

Also this man is very romantic, which caught you off guard the moment you two started dating.

Giving you some sweet gesture, and planning surprise for you.

And also this man likes to be pampered, like a lot.

You stroking his hair while he sat on your lap or you sitting on your lap and leaning against you.

And eventually falling asleep on you.

And also, this man get's jealous very easily but it may not be noticeable.

Eun-sung would literally internally pouting, seeing another person flirting with you.

If looks could kill, that person would be 6ft underground.

He would glaring hard at them until they notice and back off.

But if that doesn't happen, then Eun-Sung would come over and wrapped his arms around you while directly looking at the person, telling them to fuck off.

A lot of people were shocked that Eun-Sung was dating.

And a lot of people were jealous, the fact that you were dating Eun-Sung Han himself, and that he was soft around you. It made everyone jealous and you were proud that you got someone like Eun-Sung to be your boyfriend.

Whenever you two get in a argument, Eun-Sung would not be shouting at you.

His voice would be growling and deep, trying to keep the anger in and trying not to shout at you.

If he's the one at fault, it would take many hours for him to realize that. So he would give you some flowers, while apologizing and was even ready to do what you wanted just for you to forgive him.

But if you were the one at fault, then Eun-sung would give you some time and after awhile, you would come through the door and apologize to him. With some flowers, or anything in hand.

But if both of you are at fault, then the two of you would cool off and then the both of you would apologize.

When it comes to anniversary, Eun-Sung doesn't really make a big deal about it. But if you do, Eun-Sung would buy you a expensive gift and then take you out on a date on a expensive restaurant.

But if you really don't make a big deal about it, then Eun-Sung would greet you and still take you out for dinner.

A lot of people are afraid of you, since you are dating Eun-sung Han himself, it made people scared that they would piss of Eun-Sung by messing with you. And then getting themselves beat up the man himself.

So a lot of people tried to get on your good side, in hopes that they would not make an enemy of Eun-Sung himself.

This just likes being around you, he doesn't want to be away from you for even one second.

So he would complain, at the fact he has to go to meeting putting your date on hold.

So... in summary, this man is a simp.

[antoncore]

yeah… i don’t like the heat either, ur right it’s difficult to enjoy things and i am very sensitive to temperature sometimes and have a hard time adjusting so i swear SO much and i just feel gross all the time :(

no pressure to respond with anything really, i’m just rambling but if riize were billionaires living in LA… i totally see someone like eunseok as a property developer.. or sungchan as the CEO of something or other… and i was trying to think about anton and maybe like a big time producer of some kind? like he has his own record label.. there was smth else i was thinking of too but now i’ve forgotten.

thinking of billionaire anton not being as well known for always having girls on his arm… women want him, for sure, but he’s been working on his business mainly, but the he meets you<33 idk

and on a soft note like, anton buying you expensive things, a new dress for every occasion, a new bag just because he loves you<33 taking you to all sorts of events with him because he wants everyone to see how beautiful you are and know how much he adores you<3 and maybe you’ve never really had aspirations before but he’s supportive of getting you started with whatever your heart desires to try! or, you’ve been working hard on your degree but with his support (emotionally and money ofc) you’re able to finally pursue what you’ve been wanting to do!

when he finally proposes to you he’d buy you the biggest ring🤭🤭 it’s so perfect and shiny and you’d have so many people fawning and gaggling and being so jealous of u… you’d have to stay off ur phone a bit to ignore the tabloids talking smack about u and entertaining rumours but it’s fine, you could even have a private getaway to some beach house or cottage with your fiancé in the meantime

and idk on a more nsfw note, people would always be asking (think i got this from another anon but) how you make it fit? anton is sooo big, they just couldn’t imagine😅😅🤧 anton buying you sexy lingerie outfits to wear and wait for him to get home, telling you not to be impatient and touch yourself before he gets there or he won’t be touching you at all… if you do, he makes you finish yourself off while he watches, or makes you ride his thigh and keeps his hands on the bed, just watching you struggle to pleasure yourself

he’d buy you a hi tech panty vibe to wear when you go run errands or when you go out to dinner together, enjoying the way you squirm and shift in your seat, telling you to enjoy your food, don’t be snobby… but you’re sweating and your vision is blurring because you can feel your orgasm approaching fast but it’s at that point that he shuts the toy off completely, your knees bumping against the table making all the plates jump and biting back the groan that threatens to erupt from your throat

i don’t see anton as being that mean all the time but if he knows you like it and want that sometimes, he’d be more than happy to oblige.. he just wants to give you everything you want, even if that means treating you like a filthy slut

- 🧸 anon

i see your visions with the jobs you assigned!!! i see sungchan being a ceo of some tech/healthcare company while eunseok is the city’s most famous property developer.

anton rlly would spoil you, he just wants to shout out that he loves you from the top of his lungs. he would be so supportive no matter what!!! i can envision if you wanted to start up a business (like a cute little coffee shop) he’d help you through each step like looking for the space, planning the interior design, marketing etc. and it would be so successful that you were able to open a couple more branches and he’d be so proud of you!!

and i can so see having a private getaway with after he proposed, he wanted an excuse to get away from all the people talking and he also wanted to spoil you. he’d take you to a luxury resort where you could just relax and be in each other’s presence (and fuck in the hotel room…and the pool…and the hot tub)

speaking of lingerie i rlly believe anton is a fan of white/pastel, i think i’ve discussed this a couple times on here ISNSNSB and imagine if he came home to you using the new wand he got you. he’d just make you continue as he sat on a chair, not really saying much to ensure that you were entirely responsible for your own pleasure :( when you finally decided to give up/when you came, he’d give you a kiss on the forehead and call you his good girl.

and omg he’d be so evil using the panties on you, he loved watching you squirm like a cute little slut :( you’re struggling to even eat or move around and it’s just funny for him to watch you being so pathetic for him!!!

[viiridiangreen]

I’ve been neglecting the shit out of my destiny page + streams and stuff... but uh, for once it’s actually a positive?? I’ve officially survived my first month of full time half-remote office job & I’m currently making SOUMP

My partner Q is away with their dad talking about a gig at said dad’s company, & next weekend he’s also taking him to get looked at by the ophtalmologist again.

Q has been unable to work or do much of anything they enjoy for about three years on account of an undx’d eye condition. They’re a photographer... among other things that benefit from being able to look at stuff without debilitating pain. Hoping the doctor is finally able to help them.

We’re uhhh also about to buy a motorbike. Which is scary but also pretty exciting.

Sooo in addition to having gone from a part-time paid intern to a legit employee with double the salary plus insurance & bonuses, I won’t be the single earner anymore & we’ll have an actual method of transportation to our name, so we can go downtown without spending 1/8 of my monthly earnings on the round trip like before.

I haven’t needed to supply my income with the rent-an-egirl site, thinking of taking it up again & returning to Twitch too but focusing on building a comfortable space & striking a sustainable rhythm, remaining mindful of my comfort rather than like,, desperately trying to make enough to eat lol. Also any earnings from that are gonna go towards treats / personal projects / actual never-before-seen savings. Like this month I did empty out my acct bc the transitional period between internship and employment was fucking wild and we also had a friend staying with us before that so expenses kinda piled up. But. Apparently I’ll start to have an actual small surplus to stash away for emergencies soon.

Which means!! I can start thinking of updating the remaining fossil-like pieces on my PC, then maybe even getting a whole new one so I can do a better quality & more secure dual-machine stream & create Content(TM) from my gameplay more easily. I wanna learn 3D modeling too, start making custom VRChat avatars or Vtubers and whatnot.

And also!!! Tattooing equipment. And like my first actual tattoos for myself (I’ve done four for other folks, have none myself, mostly bc I want big large blackwork pieces that wrap around the body instead of just sitting in a little corner of it like a sticker. not that those aren’t cute but yeah). Q can probably get their arm piece touched up (it’s been on hiatus since they got it in JANUARY 2020 LMAO) and get the spine piece they’ve thought about so much.

Maybe we can even get a Little Guy To Live Alongside Us in the next few years???? Like an actual pet (which I’ve never ever had btw even as I’m a very Bonkers Over Animals person). While being confident that we can cover the costs of a good QOL for them ?!?!?! Insane.

TL;DR Shit’s going suspiciously well and I’m already plotting my eventual return to tattooing :3c

[fff777]

Watched the NCT Dream 7th anniversary video (7 to 7)

They finally changed their seating arrangement! Not that the usual one is BAD but like, some variation is nice.

Jeno: After seven years, we still talk over each other.

The kimchi stew fight was memorable to Haechan ^^;; Affection to him is fighting I guess lol.

Teddy on Jisung's shoulder :3

Renjun and Haechan had a huge fist fight where their clothes were all torn and then they made up on the spot all within 15 minutes X'D That's so freaking dramatic what the heck.

Chenle dropping the bomb that he and Jeno fought and Jeno being like "...we did?" Flashback to when Chenle said he and Jisung had an argument and Jisung was like "...that was an argument?" Chenle being dramatic.

So Dream's infrequent fights start because of jokes eh. I'm reminded of how GOT7's fights are often because of food ^^;; I guess every group has its quirks.

Jaemin @ Haechan: Get the order right, YOU got covid first, and then I did.

I wonder why Jaemin was in the VCR and not Haechan though. I guess it was filmed when Haechan had covid but Jaemin hasn't gotten it yet?

Wow we're finally hearing about the scavenger hunt lol. So the guys went to a vacation home but Renjun was worried they'd find it boring so he set up an entire scavenger hunt at his own expense, and then went to Mark to tell him about it because Mark was leader XD

Jisung: It was fun :3

All of them remembering 7llin' in our Youth >w<

Jisung crying every day for the last three concerts ToT A sensitive boi.

Mark was like this the entire time Renjun was telling his story about hitting his head ToT

Jisung got hurt trying to kick Chenle's ass and they're still talking about it years later ToT

Omg they LIED about it and said that Jisung got hurt practising XD

I'm not even half way through the video but they have so many memories...they spent a lot of time together huh. Like athletes, celebrities also experience the highest of highs and lowest of lows. The highs are great but the lows are inevitable and it's nice that they have each other to rely on ;_;

Oh man I do the same thing when I get excited or very happy, I do the kitty paws thing and just shake my paws a lot.

Chenle telling the fans to be their stars and then them looking up and seeing the moon...Jisung really is such a romantic.

Is that Chenle's assigned kaomoji?

Chenle being nosy

"Jisung still isn't done yet." "HE ONLY WROTE TWO LINES"

Jisung and Haechan have known each other for 10 years ToT

After the other guys come back Jisung is STILL writing. He has a lot of feelings okay ToT

Mark wanted to write a letter back to the him that would have been graduating ToT

Wait whose decision was it to put on the music while Renjun read his letter ToT

They found out they'd be back to 7Dream during Ridin'???

Jeno had a lot of worries while Mark was gone...like the guys obviously tease Mark a lot, but it shows how each member is so important to the group T_T Yeah I totally buy into the 7Dream stuff TAT

"Don't lose the friendship ring." As I'm writing this (weeks ago when I would have queued this post) I just spilled like a quarter of the expensive peach juice I bought and I've been feeling glum about it...this makes me feel a little better because at least I didn't lose the expensive ring that is a representation of my friendship XD

Is Jeno controlling the music??? I can't see clearly.

Haechan kept getting interrupted ToT I can't tell if it was an accident or if they're actually clowning him on purpose ToT

Jaemin's message as always....好行啊!! XD Just focuses on the fans without saying too much about himself.

Renjun would've cried if there was a fire...also sensitive boi.

Mark sooo pleased with Chenle's casual message :P

Jisung's message is so direct :P He writes it like it's a mystery to be solved.

Pretty sure kyuu pose has nothing to do with 7, they just like the kyuu pose lol

YES they all called out Jisung for always skipping out on doing kyuu pose lol. He's in his rebellious phase and doesn't want to be cute.

Haechan: If we catch you not doing it again, we'll shave your hair

I don't know when this started but I think Haechan made this threat during the Finding U-jeong videos too XD

Jaemin: We will sue you (for not doing the kyuu pose) XD

Yep, Jisung wants to be cool instead of cringe lol

Jaemin: You (Mark) always talk about growing old

It's because Mark is a sap!!! He's a romantic too. He's sooo emotional about the Dreamies.

The camera and printer are kind of cool though.

So Jaemin started the Dream trend of ultra-close ups :3

My Jaemren :3

They all ended up wearing their rings on that day :3 Renjun the group glue is so happy. He even got them to take a photo with all their ringed hands :3

They really are just kids hanging out ;_;

Chenle: 我做的好不好?

Renjun: 做的好

Other Dreamies: *Trying to copy them*

Oh man...Dream's story is so touching, that's how they got me v.v

[kakujis]

i've finished the demo! do you think the last scene will change depending on origins? there is a possibility like alchemist would be more link to leander. it's advertised as a dark gothic romance novel for mature audiences but i think since the game is nowhere near finish, they cannot put an age rating on it yet.

oh, i didn't realised you could add additional items to your tier, i'm new to kickstarter so i have no idea lol. that's good but i've heard the cost of the shipping is pretty expensive too.

ais might be the true route for the game like with other otome games, you have to play the characters in certain order to reach the final/canon ending/route.

there are character sheets??? i feel like mhin is a character that grow on you and leander is the ideal one to start with and vere, you either love or hate him.

really? i thought ais intro was intense esp with that soundtrack! his music theme is the most memorable one. if there are changes, hopefully they will just add more piercings to sen or something like that considering she already have a nose ring.

elyon (?), i felt like he was deliberately designed like that because of his mysterious brief profile information like trying to find the one thing that money can't buy.

what do you think the potential new stretch goals could be? i think we are at the last one. i hope they add more physical merc for the basic tiers then because a lot of fans had chosen them.

omg maybe! i know each origin comes with its own special trait of some sort!! i wanna play sum more when i get home later this week!!! wbu?? r u gonna play thru again using a diff origin? alsooo my fren actually did play thru as alchemist and the dialogue for kuras in particular are diff!! not sure about leander but i thought about that too!!

also yesyes!!! on the touchstarved blog theres chara sheets for all of em! it tells u what they like + dislike alongside their fatal flaw! leanders is cut out im pretty sure soo im sooo curious abt hims. :3 also omg real! mhin is soooososososo pretty eee n i do enjoy their personality buuut, leander is def ideal eep!! vere is super cute to me, but i feel like id stutter to talk to him irl and then perish cus i give in too easily LMAOOO

also yes!! i agree w sen!! give her more piercings shes so damn hot im passing OUT!!! also also, i think leander n vere’s intros kinda swooped me away…. like i literally was dming my friend like: PLs i hope its not vere next ill pass out AND DIE… and then he showed up n i died. poof. GONE. (；ω；)

okok so the whole ais thing w me was like, hmmm. ur hot yes and ur music slaps but that was about it for me! i agree it was really intense! IM NOT EVEN SURE WHY i just felt like. nuffin towards him when i played it LOL. but the scene where he almost borderline kills tht one dude was so hot fusjdjjdjdjkaka. i have a whole lil drabble rn about ais and said alleyway…. im … hes…. hes so. (>_<)… on the floor SOBBING!!! if he is the true route i wont b mad!!! like they do put him in the middle of all the promo art sooo… i could see leander being a true route also. hes soo sweet. i wanna *** him.

yea yea i also agree abt elyon! he’s super handsome tho i bet his route will be great! i wonder what his personality will be like doe… like condescending? rude? patronizing?? hmm hmm. ohh also b4 i forget! yesyes u can change ur tier n do add-ons on the page! it’ll say edit tier or somthin like that! i think shipping will probs b 15 but i am a fool w a lil bit of extra monies. ʅ（◞‿◟）ʃ

personally i gots nooo clue for stretch goals but im the same thinking as u!! im praying for more physical merch. I WAN AN AIS DAKIMURA PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS telepathically trying 2 connect w the devs rn… HEAR MY PLEAS!!!

[xinyansho]

Hello!

I may have a request for you!

Can I request Childe, Diluc, and Kaeya (can add more characters if liked) with an s/o who’s really clumsy and would carelessly pick at the scabs afterwards??? If not that okay! Have a good rest of your day/night!

(Sorry I’m not the best at explaining…)

Ofcc!!! It's perfectly fine u explained it perfectly

I lowkey have this problem too😭

Probably more than likely ooc

Very ooc for diluc

Kaeya and Diluc with an S/O who picks at their scabs

Kaeyaএ

----------------------------

You had just come home from the church you body still feeling the affects of your last battle. You didn't expect to be attacked by treasure hoarders so randomly at night but still they left horrible marks and going to the Cathedral didn't fix your headache. You sat down on the bed you thought about what had just happened to you and you hated how you didn't defend yourself. It's not like you couldn't it's just you we're scared and you can't fight when your scared you we're so lost in thought that you started picking your scab in deep thought and it so happened that Kaeya had just came home too. "Y/n?" he called out you turned around very fast and yelled "I'm in here Kaeya!" you felt something trickle down your side and looked seeing a little red stain oh your hand you reopened your scab. Just as Kaeya entered too "Oh wow your bleeding I thought you already went to the Cathedral?" He places his stuff down and started inspecting you he ended up grabbing the media in the bathroom and fixing it up for you, and after you told him that you had just reopened it by accident he gave you an annoyed stare. "You know buying medical care is expensive and please try to stop picking or reopening your wounds.." You gave him a sorry look he knows you don't do it on purpose it just happens. You both ended up cuddling with each other for the rest of the day and falling asleep in each others arms.

Dilucෆ

----------------------------

You worked at the dawn winery and you helped in the garden in the very front so of course you would always get little cuts and bruises whenever you did your job. You always promised Diluc you would be more careful but you can't help it sometime you know. You we're picking weeds when it suddenly brushed against your scab, that kinda hurt you thought so you picked it, let's say you forgot your gloves today and you could run back and get them but it's easier to just get it done with right? As you finished picking your scab you got right back to work and your hand felt a lot better, now the pain of the weeds wasn't bothering you anymore. You finally finished the entire garden (let's just say it's a little bigger than in game) the moonlight looks so beautiful you thought but your thoughts were interrupted by a certain red haired male as he rested his head on the back if your neck. "Why hello Darling." you smiled and waved hello back. Only for your hand to be taken from you and inspected "Y/n what is this on your hand?" he said "What do you mean, ohhhh it's probably dirty I've forg-" you we're cut off when he showed you your hand it looked infected You gasped. "OMG DILUC MY HAND!?" you screamed “YES I KNOW" he replied rushing you into his manor he grabbed his medkit and started tending to your hand." How did this even happen?"" Well I forgot my I was rushing today and forgot my gloves but I also had a scab on my hand and it hurt while I was working sooo... I picked it." He gave you the most annoyed stare ever." Y/n you literally live here WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST GET YOUR GLOVES? "WELL IT'S JUST EASIER FOR ME TO DO THE WORK SINCE I WAS ALREADY DOWN HERE AND I DIDN'T WANNA GO GET THEM BECAUSE I'M LOW-KEY KINDA LAZY!" he gave you an annoyed stare and tightened your bandage "OWW" You shouted he took you too your room and let you bath and get ready for bed and you too cuddled for the rest of the night.

OMLLLL I'm so sorry it took so long I apologize I didn't know how to start it off an sorry for the ooc diluc I hope you enjoyed it tho and thank you sm for requesting <3

[whyarewewlwlikethat]

This is why I hate when tumblr finds hidden gems. For the past 3 days, I've seen so many people say Goncharov (1973) is overrated now that they've finally watched it. Those people absolutely did not get the movie. The movie follows a man who was poor and mistreated his whole life but manages to turn the odds around. Unfortunately, in the most brutal way – by accidentally joining the mafia. Suddenly, this man turns back into a boy and starts enjoying and buying everything he didn't have as a child. He buys new clothes, a car, fancy cigars, drinks expensive liquor, starts going out to eat in restaurants every single day, and gets used to being called Mr. Goncharov. Basically, he gets everything he has ever wanted. Except for one thing. The one thing he wanted the most but not even all the money in the world could buy. Katya. His childhood crush. The girl whose family treated Goncharov worse than a stray dog because he was not born rich. That same family who would never accept Goncharov as a good candidate for Katya's husband now came to Goncharov and asked him if he was interested in Katya. Here, Goncharov could have stood up and spat in their faces. It was obvious they did not remember him as the poor boy selling newspapers. Instead, he confirmed that he was interested in Katya and asked for her hand then and there. For me personally here is where he finally crossed the line. Not when he first killed, not when he murdered for money, not when he abused alcohol and wasted money on extravagant things. It was when he quietly renounced his past. That is why we witness the longest pause in the movie here! A whole 9 seconds!!! After this he gets Katya. They marry and start living together but it's never quite right. Katya, who used to come to him on the corner of the street where he sold newspapers and talk for hours, was not only gone but was never his. He thought it was only his status that prevented him from getting Katya. He thought of her as another thing he could buy, another childhood toy he never got to play with. So, when Goncharov found out about Katya and Sofia it finally all clicked. Katya was never his. She was always Sofia's. Even though he married her, he got [bought] her, she wasn't his. And what did Goncharov do throughout the whole movie whenever he did not get what he wanted? He killed. This is where people say it came out of nowhere. I've seen sooo many people now say Katya died for nothing and that it was stupid and out of nowhere. While I don't agree that it was out of nowhere I do agree that it was stupid but that's the whole point! Katya did not deserve to die for being in love with someone else. Katya's death serves to show us the real Goncharov. Throughout the whole movie, we are on his side, whatever he does we excuse it. He is the perfect anti-hero. It's only when he kills Katya do we snap out of the spell and realize that Goncharov was never in the right. To me that plotline is the most interesting one alongside Katya and Sofia's. It's just such an amazing AND underrated movie. Simply unfortunate that tumblr found it, made it famous, and now decided that it is again meh. But yeah that's just my two cents.

[aisha-galaxia]

The mystery of Gakushu's mother

I have seen a few people bragging the topic of Gakushu's mother but I never saw them go deeper in their headcanons, so let me present to you my headcanons about her !

When the chapter 119 came out a lot people start to think that the woman on the left is Gakushu's mother, but I don't think so.

The reason why I'm saying that is she's obviously a servant because she has a plate and wear an apron (plus there are only two chairs next to the table). But it would be weird if Matsui drew her leaving the room without a second tough.

Is the woman on the left Gakushu's mother ?

We can't really respond to this question sooo ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

Canon thing

It is said in Gakushu's graduation profile that his mother is a housewife and yeah this is the only canon information about her (damn Matsui)

But there is a thing that doesn't make sense : If she is housewife why is there only two chairs next to the table ?

Headcanons

Her name is "Hideko" (秀子) and she is American and Japanese, her parents live in the U.S since her birth.

During her childhood, her parents were always saying that she should do well at school and be the first in her class, she really wanted to have a boyfriend during her earlier teenage and wanted to be married at 25 years old.

Because she was smart and hardworking she finally enrolled in the Harvard University and this is where she met Gakuho.

At first, their relationship was just that of two classmates. But after some time, Hideko started to have feelings for Gakuho because of his personality and the fact that he worked very hard and was ready to devote his whole life to education. After a few months, they finally got together.

I also like to think that she and Gakuho got in a argue because he wanted to come back to Japan, after that argue she decided to follow Gakuho to Japan because she thinked that he may be the only one for her (much to the disappointment of her parents).

When she and Gakuho settled into their now home, she was already thinking about their marriage and was waiting for Gakuho to put the ring on. She was waiting, waiting and waiting again and again but he didn't do this.

At first she was thinking that he might be really occupied with his work in his cram school and that he doesn't have enough money to buy a ring, but when he started to earn a lot of money everyday she decided to distance herself from him which saddened Gakuho. He tried every way possible to make her happy again, he bought shoes, dress and a lot more of expensive stuff for her but no ring.

One day, Gakuho asked her what is bothering her and she just respond that everything was fine and that it was just a stupid things. When she got pregnant of Gakushu, she was a little sad because she wanted to be married before having a child.

And after Gakushu was born, she was the happiest woman on the earth but not for too long. After Ikeda's death, Gakuho snapped and their relationship got worse. It was his turn to distance himself from her and when Gakushu grew up, she thought that this family was definitely screwed up.

And this is it, if you guys have headcanons about her let me know !

[babydaddyleorio]

How they would act on a plane

These are very much crack headcanons because I needed something to help me escape my writing plateau lmao

                                    How they would act on a plane

Chrollo

-If he’s sitting next to a girl? Oh he’s flirting the whole plane ride.

-Literally won’t shut up and tells her this very extravagant story trying to woo her, the whole time eyeing the necklace that’s placed on her neck.

-Also did I mention that he’s in first class? Yeah he definitely tied up some guy in the bathroom and “borrowed” his ticket.

-He’ll order drinks for him and the girl and will secretly pay for them with her money.

-A true finesser.

-Even the flight attendants love him. He has so many numbers now.

-If he does happen to sit by himself, he’ll probably read a book while listening to classical music.

-He refuses to sleep because he feels like he has enemies everywhere watching him.

-like please you are not the main character Chrollo take the damn nap. 

Shalnark

-He's on his phone the whole time but he’s so obnoxious with it. He purposefully has his volume all the way up just to annoy everyone around him.

-He’ll play games like candy crush and laughs super loudly If he makes a match and groans sadly If he runs out lives.

-The old man next to him wants to bang his head against the chair in front of him because he literally won’t shut up.

-Doesn’t put his phone on airplane mode.

-Probably hacks into the plane. Literally will make the bathroom have the occupied sign on the whole plane ride so no one could use It.

-Has a needle in the pilot’s neck just for fun.

-Also has the plane doing loopity loops in the sky and everyone is screaming for their lives while he’s just laughing evilly.

-Claps when the plane lands.

Feitan

-He just reads the whole ride.

-If you accidentally brush his arm he gives you a death glare.

-He has to jump to reach the overhead because it’s too high.

-He woke up way too early so he’s in a “I hate everyone” type of mood.

-Hisses when the person beside him tries to open up the window.

-He accidentally sits next to an escape exit and when the flight attendant asks him If he’s ready to save others just in case something happens he’s like “....No.”

-Refuses to change his answer too

-Listens to music on his playlist and silently pretends to be in a music video.

Franklin

-Takes up all of the space and squishes you.

-You wonder how the hell his earlobes got that long and he would say something smart to you like “It’s rude to stare.”

-Well excuse me...

-Someone in front him will lean back in their seat and their hair covers the movie he’s watching. 

-Is scared to move it so he just sits there like “😐”.

-All the drinks are too small to fit in his hand so he awkwardly sips from the straw that’s poked in his apple juice box.

-Someone ends up leaning their head on his shoulder while they are sleeping.

-Doesn’t know what to do now and is frantically looking around for help.

Machi

-Knitting or sewing the whole time.

-Do not try to talk to her. She won’t respond.

-Has a window seat because she likes to peacefully look at the clouds and city lights as she’s sewing.

-Also to imagine Hisoka falling from the sky without a parachute.

-Ah, so tranquil.

-Doesn’t like riding on planes because they’re kind of scary. She would never tell anyone that though. 

-Wanted to sit next to Pakunoda but instead got stuck sitting next to a chihuahua who won’t stop yapping at her the entire ride. 

-Has to stop herself from yeeting it out the window.

-The dog will see he’s not getting through to her, so he’ll slowly raise his leg up and Machi will literally start screaming at what he’s trying to do. 

-Yeah she hates her life.

Shizuku

-You can hear pierce the veil blasting from her headphones.

-Binky has its own seat for some reason.

-She goes to the bathroom and once she sees that It’s occupied (kudos to Shalnark) she will turn to go back to her seat but already forgot where she sits.

-The type to bring a book that she never reads.

-If the person next to her is watching a movie, she’ll change It simply because she doesn't like It.

-There’s one flight attendant constantly flirting with her and she gets a lot of free drinks because of them.

-Of course she never catches on and forgets who they are every time they try to talk to her.

Phinks

-Will argue with the flight attendant about how expensive the peanuts are.

-After like five minutes, he finally buys the peanuts and once he’s about to eat them the turbulence becomes so strong that It makes them fly everywhere.

-He has to resist the urge to punch the air.

-Phinks has to have an aisle seat because he gets paranoid easily.

-Phinks will try to go to sleep but there will be a kid constantly kicking the back of his chair.

-He will turn around and would be about to throat punch the kid when suddenly he sees how hot his mom is.

-Simp mode activated.

-He’ll try to flirt with the mom but the kid will notice and he ends up “accidentally” squirting his drink in Phinks face.

-Yeah It’s on sight when he gets off the plane.

Nobunaga

-Watches a movie, probably one dealing with samurai. 

-Somehow got past security with his Katana?

-Most likely because of Shalnark

-Ate really bad airport food which messed up his stomach.

-Feels sick and tries to hold It in, but you can tell by his face that he’s struggling. The old lady beside him stares with wide eyes once she hears his stomach literally start beat boxing.

-He runs down the aisle clenching his cheeks and knocks harshly on the bathroom door, but he sees that sign says occupied.

-Nobunaga is shouting at the non-existent person in there to hurry up holding his stomach.

-Shalnark Is eating popcorn and laughing at Nobunaga as he watches him through the security camera.

-Goes to ask the flight attendant for hemorrhoid cream

Pakunoda 

-Is really nice and will talk to you If you start a conversation with her

-Has earbuds packed for the altitudes and offers you some as well

-Turns her brightness down as she reads smut on her phone. Literally turned her whole body and everything so no one could see the words.

-Her face is so red as she stares at her phone and the flight attendant is so concerned that they ask if she’s okay. Pakunoda jumps so high and almost chucks her phone once she sees them standing over her, scared that they’ll see that she commented “😩💦” under the fanfic.

-Brings homemade snacks and sandwiches that no one wants 

-Has a window seat because she wanted to look out the window and see how small the land is below her

-Unlike Machi, Pakunoda has a cat sitting next to her and the cat absolutely loves her.

-Will probably steal it 

Uvogin

-sleeps the whole ride with a mask over his eyes and a neck pillow that he swiped from someone earlier.

-He snores sooo loudly and everyone around him is irritated because they can’t go to sleep because of It

-He would eat all the food on the plane

-Is the type to laugh very loudly at the movie playing or give commentary about each scene that’s happening

-Didn’t bring any luggage with him and… yeah...

-His head touches the ceiling of the plane and Its really uncomfortable 

-Has no Idea where he’s going but got on the plane anyway

Hisoka (honorable mention)

-Somehow sits in first class with Chrollo and once Chrollo sees him he almost loses his shit

- “This seat is taken.” Chrollo would say while staring straight ahead but Hisoka ignores him and sits down anyway.

- “Do you not enjoy my company?” He’d tease while licking his lips.

-Chrollo immediately gets him kicked out.

-So now he’s stuck in economy with the rest of the troupe. None of them let him sit with them either.

-Finds an empty seat and sits down In it and starts laughing to himself because he’s plotting on how to get back to first class.

-The person sitting next to Hisoka is legit terrified and they side eye him the whole ride while clutching their bag to their chest.

-Will trip people walking down the aisle with his bungee gum.

-He would purposefully take his time to get his bag out, creating a long line for no reason.

-Whole time doesn’t even have a bag.

-Is banned from ever riding a plane again.

[babytaes]

The Kickback

summary: What happens when your long-life crush's secret is discovered? In hopes of not wanting him to find out, what do you do... nothing.

pairing: dk x female reader

genre: fluff, slice of life, crack lol.

warnings: profanity

word count: 3k

a/n: today is my birthday and I wanted to share this one that has been in my drafts for so long. this campus life is stressful but I’m finding time to upload here and there. I hope you enjoy and have a great day/night. Much love from Babytaes! :) Also I really didn’t read this over sooo... if it doesn’t make sense. Take it up with corporation. 

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

“Dear diary, I saw my crush today. I saw him in the living room after my brother invited him over with another friend. It's not as if I'm scared of him. I've spoken with him numerous times. I mean, I'm almost fluent in his language, lol. Seeing him and hearing his boisterous laugh was still entertaining. I'm wondering if he'll be at the kickback this weekend; if so, maybe I'll have the bravery to approach him. Okay, goodbye journal, love y/n.”

Your life consisted of short, insignificant interactions with him; however, when you had a crush, life was exciting and unpredictable. Since you're so near to him on a daily basis, your crush increased exponentially as you couldn't control your intrusive thoughts.

Yes, you did think of him, probably 25/8. It's not like you didn't know him, but you only knew the head version of him. And we all know they could be two different people. So the only thing left to do is keep it secret.

It's impossible for your secret to come out when you're the only one who knows about it. Right? Unfortunately, this isn't a movie, and your secret was revealed, and the perpetrator was none other than your arch-nemesis, Boo Seungkwan.

Okay, not quite that far, but you and him frequently collided because you and him could never agree on anything. He's just Boo, and he has his own behavior category.

He was the second-to-last person you wanted to find out about, after your crush, of course. From this point on, your life was not going as planned.

Your secret would never be revealed to Lee Seokmin, and you would do anything to protect it.

“What are you doing?” You leapt to your feet as you hurriedly closed your diary, terrified of prying eyes.

You rolled your eyes and stuffed your journal into a drawer with random papers, saying, "Shit, why don't you ever knock."

“Well, this is my shared dorm, and you're basically free living here,” he chuckled. You gave him a sidelong glance.

He was right.

“Is that a way you treat your twin? Is it now.”

He strolled away, completely oblivious to your yelling, and into the kitchen.

“Shut up, and get your ass out here we have to go shopping for the kickback. If you’re not out in 10 I’m leaving your ass.”

Great sibling love, what more could you ask for.  As much as you know that this is the way he expresses his love, you still got up and started getting ready for the day despite his warning.

Amidst your constant disagreements with him, you still loved him. The only problem was that you had to keep your love interest hidden from him. You could see it now and the big brother trying to protect and all that annoying shit.

You were old enough to take care of yourself and you didn’t want unruly men to ruin something that you wanted for so long.

“Coming, if you leave me, I'll tell Mom.” And I think we can all agree that I am the favorite twin.” As he slammed the fridge door shut, you could hear his huge scoffs.

You hurriedly grabbed your purse and beanie as you dashed for the door, laughing at his tantrums. He had a habit of leaving you behind.

We will not speak of March 5, 2017.

“Hey, wait up,” you said as you ran to his car and jumped in before him, grabbing the aux before him.

He started the car and sped out of the dorm parking lot on his way to the store, saying, "You're such a pain in the ass."

“Oh, don't act as if you don't love me.”

“Whoever said I did must have lied to you. Mingyu laughed as he accelerated through Seoul's crowded streets.

The jokes, the laughter, and the love were all part of the experience of living with one of the biggest Kpop groups.

You wouldn’t have it any other way!

While listening to your playlist, the song "Come to You" perfectly complemented the mood.

You smiled as you passed many streets and watched the busy lives of many different people. You could say you had an imaginative mind.

We arrived at the store a long way down the road, grabbed one of the carts, and proceeded to a separate aisle of the store.

Buying stuff was always expensive with a party of 13 and more friends on the way. Almost everything had to be doubled, and the meat had to be tripled. When throwing a party, everyone is required to provide a dish.

You didn't seem to mind; after all, you weren't paying, so you just chilled on the cart while you watched Mingyu placed the goods in neatly.

You told Mingyu to grab a specific chip as you walked to the chip aisle, and he furrowed his brow.

“What are those? I've never seen them before.

"Dokyeom likes them," you blurted out without a second thought. As you mentally processed what you had said, you stared at him with wide eyes.

Shit.

“When they're not there, Dokyeom and Soonyoung get upset.” You shook your head and scooted by him, tossing two bags into the overflowing shopping cart.

“Oh-okay I guess you can get them.”

As you pushed the cart toward the cashier, you mentally slapped yourself in the face. You were certain that you would not crack.

The ride home was silent as the only noise was the continuous taps from Mingyu's fingers on the wheel.

Mingyu called wonwoo on his phone as he drove up to the dorm and asked him to help with the groceries.

As you heard Mingyu pout over the phone, he refused, and not even minutes after, wonwoo is strolling down the driveway on his way to the car.

“You shouldn't even have picked up I know I wouldn't"  Wonwoo pushed your shoulder and chuckled at your humor. “I know”

“Heyyy I'm right here,” Mingyu began to sulk as he observed his sister speaking without him.

You and wonwoo both chuckled as you gathered your belongings and began walking away from Mingyu.

---

The days went by slowly as you reached the door. It was time to leave the house. You grabbed a jacket and purse. Today, the boys went to Hybe for a quick practice session before heading out for the weekend.

Because you are such a good friend and thoughtful person, you decided to buy them a few drinks as a gift. It wasn't anything special, you didn't want to see anyone, noo.

It took some time to order everything, especially with the large number of 13 items. Since you've known each other for most of your lives, the drinks on the list haven't changed. Ice Americanos and Frappes were the most popular drinks.

As soon as you arrived at the Hybe building, you swiftly grabbed the bag containing the drinks and proceeded to their floor. You finally made it to their practice room after thanking the employees for their assistance.

Slowly pushing the door open, you drew the attention of almost everyone as they turned to face you. As a number of them raced over to you and took the beverages from you, smiles crept across their faces.

As they sipped their drinks, the room was filled with thank yous and hellos.

The voice of an angel said, "Thanks again, y/n." He gave you a short smile before returning to his practice. Oblivious to people around you, words spilled out.

“Fuck, he's so attractive.”

“Whose good looking?” As you slowly turned around, you heard a voice speaking to you from behind you.

Fuck

It's Boo Seungkwan. He smiled at you as he grabbed a drink from your hand. He cocked his head as he sipped it, and his eyes widened.

“Don’t tell me you said dokyeom is good looking, no fucking way.”

As you coughed to relieve the high tension in the air, you started to mentally sweat.

“That's insane, I said the room was in good condition," you said as you slapped his shoulder and shook your head.

Come on, y/n, that didn't even make sense.

“You know you're not going to fool me, y/n?” Afraid that someone would find out, you dragged him into a back room and locked the door behind him

“Shit..shit..shit. If you tell anyone, I swear I'll -

Laughing, before raising his eyebrows after taking a sip of his americano, he cut you off.

"You're right, this is important information. But you already know that I'll keep my mouth shut about the situation. I don’t even know what we’re talking about right now.”

Seungkwan heard dokyeom announce that practice had resumed as the door opened. Before he left, he smiled at you and waved goodbye.

“Y/n and dokyeom in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. As you were about to leap across the couch to silence him, he jumped up and ran out of the door laughing.

All of a sudden, your mind was filled with confusion and paranoia.

It became increasingly difficult to watch them practice as the session progressed. Your thoughts were not positive, and your attitude was slowly deteriorating.

Imagining the worst-case scenario. You paced in the back room when you heard a knock at the door. As you mentally prepared yourself, it caught you off guard. While walking side by side, Hansol and Seungkwan were whispering.

“Did they know?” You didn’t want anyone to find out so you ran, and didn’t stop running. To avoid society, you hurried out the door after saying a quick goodbye to the boys.

The goodbyes were not even heard as you hurried out of the Hybe parking lot without looking back. In a small group, information spreads quickly. And he was bound to find out.

Flushed and worried, you staggered into the dorm room. You knew your secret was going to get out eventually. In the case where Hansol and Seungkwan knew, Joshua is likely to know.

And since Joshua is close to the older boys, Seungcheol and Jeonghan know. The news would then spread to Hoshi, and then the entire performance team would be in the know.

The only remaining candidates are Mingyu and dk. If Mingyu finds out, it's game over for you at that point.

There was no point of living any more. Having completed a full loop of the house, you had come to your room for the final time. You slowly melted to the ground and fell out.

Dokyeon is more likely to know if Mingyu knows.

"What went wrong?" Unable to control yourself as you rolled around the floor, you erupted into a tantrum.

You sat up and shook your head, "I'll just have to leave the country," you said. "Man, you're so smart. Your plan y/n is fantastic."

You ran to your room, grabbed your suitcase from your closet, and began tossing things into.

No need to pack everything since you were only going to be gone for a year. As soon as your adrenaline slowed down, you began packing.

(A few hours later)

You were relieved when your clothes fit into your luggage when you had finally done packing. You were on your way now, and as long as it wasn't here, everything was good.

“Ah, I figured it out; now let's book it.”

When you approached the door, you unlocked it, and we were greeted with a pleasant surprise.

You walked up to the door and opened it, where you were greeted by Mingyu and his gang. Outside the door, you could see him, hao, dk, and wonwoo. They stared at you as they looked you up and down, perplexed as to why you appeared to be departing.

“Um, what is going on and where are you going?” Mingyu reacted with a rejoinder of his own.

Your throat felt as though it was clogging up, and you began sweating furiously under your armpits. Thank god for hoodies.

“Well, I was simply going to visit a friend's house,” you explained.

You knew he wouldn't believe you; he knew most of your friends, and they didn't live that far away for you to be carrying that much.

“First, that's a lie, and second, I need to speak with you, so your "buddy" will have to wait.” You sighed and closed your eyes.

Your escape had to wait.

Mingyu took your suitcase and slid it near the door, while the other members shuffled awkwardly into the room. While the other lads sat in the living room, Wonwoo went to his room.

“Maybe I could escape now?”

“What did you say y/n?” minghao said as he glanced at you.

You waved your hand in front of them and did a walk of shame to your room as you physically and mentally prepared yourself for whatever Mingyu had to say.

So much for your crush now.

Mingyu sat on the edge of your bed, arms crossed, staring at you.

“Sit down, he patted the bed on your side before lightly coughing.

"Some rumors have been going around, so I wanted to clear the air."

Seeing what he was about to say made your heart race, and you couldn't take it any longer. Does anyone else hear their loud banging, could Mingyu hear it?

You leapt to your feet and shouted at him before apologizing on your knees.

What a sight to see, a grown ass woman on her knees apologizing to her twin brother.

“I apologize; I should have told you first, but I was afraid you'd tell him. That's why I kept it a secret and plus dating a member of seventeen. That's dangerous enough-“.

Mingyu's "WHAT" cut you off.

You came to a halt as he got up, slowly staring up at him.

“Wait, weren't we discussing my crush on Dokyeom or something else?” Worries began to creep in as sweat began to accumulate on your brow.

“What the fuck, you have a crush on do-?” you exclaimed as you jumped to your feet and tackled Mingyu to the ground.

“Don't say it so loudly; he'll hear you.” As Mingyu began to pace around the room, as he pushed you off of him.

You could see his anger as he panicked, and his small rage tantrum was truly uncomfortable because he couldn't communicate his ideas to you because he was afraid of his companions' sensitive ears.

He pointed to the door and said, "Wait, so you do have a crush on him." You sighed, shaking your head.

As he walked away from you, he had another outburst.

Everything is now turning to shit, this was your only chance.

“I have to escape” you said as you dashed out the door and to your suitcase. Mingyu was standing behind you, staring at you in terror.

It wasn't in the plan for you to fall on him, but it was still nice. Focus y/n.

“I’m sorry, dokyeom; it was my fault. I didn't realize you were there. “Are you okay?” As you extended your hand to him, you pushed yourself off of him.

“Yeah, I'm OK, are you okay?” he asked. You've had quite a tumble.”

“Yeah I’m good, I live with a clumsily brother so I’m fine”

“Hey!"

You swiftly let go of each other and placed your hands behind your back as you became embarrassed.

“Hey, Seungcheol texted the group chat and said he wants to go out to eat. He said whoever can come.”

The boys instantly got ready as they wanted to eat, food is a great scapegoat. As you saw them exit the dorm, you took a step back and found your way back to your room.

“Is leaving still an option?” you murmured into your pillows, plopping your exhausted body on your bed and overthinking life.

---

You rolled over and looked at the clock, which reads 9:30 a.m.

You turned over in your bed, unable to yell, and trudged to the bathroom to make yourself presentable.

“What have you gotten yourself into, y/n?” You stripped off your clothing and stepped into the hot water after turning on the shower.

You didn't spend much time in the shower, but today you were engrossed in how your plan had devolved into this ordeal.

Resting your head on the tile as the hot water traced down your back, you contemplated on what the HELL you were going to do.

*BANG BANG*

“Y/n hurry up, we have to prepare.”

Hearing Mingyu's voice drew you back to reality as you turned off the water and got out of the shower, unlocking the door and letting him in.

“Hey, no snarky remark?” he said as he watched you walk to your room with your head down. You ignored him as you closed the door and prepared for the party.

It didn't take long for your calm disposition to be noticed, since you were the outspoken one. Even if you tried to fake it, it didn't work out.

You grinned as you walked through the background of Seungcheol and Jeonghan shared housing, looking at the celebration.

There were groups of people near the pool, at the grill, and even by the chairs, as you could see.

“Hey, bring the food inside; I'll take the meat to cheol,” mingyu said, shaking your head as you picked up the bags and headed to the kitchen, where you recognized some familiar faces.

“Y/nnnnnnnnn, heyyyyy, I’ve missed you.” When you saw her, you put the bags on the counter and hugged her, smiling into her embrace.

“It's great to see you again, yeji; how are you and the rest of the group doing?” Are the others here?” As she led you back outside, she interlaced your hands in hers.

You saw dokyeom and a few other people descend the steps before you left, as he waved and gave you a quick glance.

As you reach for a drink from the cooler, your heart begins to race. Something had to be turned off if you wanted to make it through the night, and this was the only way.

You took a sip and coughed loudly as you followed Yeji to the poolside.

It was going to be a long night for you.

---

As you and a group of individuals began to dance uncontrollably, the effects of the alcohol in your system began to show as you staggered to the grill.

“HeEeeyyYY, Wheeeere d'ya think yeeeeer goin’?” you slurred, jabbing a finger into seungcheol’s back

The other members laughed as they glanced at you, plainly detecting your intoxication.

“I forgot how drunk you can get, so why don't you take a break,” your overprotective brother says, making you scream within.

He always did this.

Gerroff me!” you said. “I’m ash sober ash ’m gonna git. And nuffink I - wait wait wait - nuffink you can do ‘boutit.” As you ambled back to the kitchen without so much as a hiccup in their direction, they laugh.

As you struggled to reach the door, you fell forward and were grabbed by a hand. As he lifted you from your imminent doom, his hold felt warm. With your eyes enlarged, you focused on the individual and stared at his face.

As you grabbed on to him, your words tumbled out of your mouth, “Ohmygoshimsosorry.” He drew you closer to him by taking your hands in his.

Saying your heart was racing was an understatement, it was literally pounding out of your chest. You were hand in hand with your crush, who you believed was exceptionally attractive and talented, and you wished he knew more about your sentiments or could somehow fill them.

But you know no huge idol like him would go for you. Feeling that made you sober up real fast as you felt your arm being pulled upstairs, you had no idea where you were going but it looked like someone's room.

Dokyeom eased open the door as he sat you on the bed and went to get some water from a little fridge. He handed it to you and sat next to you.

“Thanks”

“No problem, also I've been trying to talk to you all night but you appear to be occupied.”

As you took a sip of water, your heart began to beat faster; “waitttt, we donthavetotalk. Let’s dance! As he chuckled at your erratic movements, you began to wander around the room, pulling your hands into yours.

The alcohol was definitely making its way out of your system.

As he spun you around, his body in tune with the music, the bass of the song could still be heard. Even though this felt like a dream you didn’t quite care at the moment. Was it because you'd finally met the boy from your dreams, or was it because he wanted to meet you in person?

Your connection with him got stronger by the second, as did your heartbeat, which began to rise steadily with it. You couldn't keep stalling any longer; you needed to listen to what he was saying.

“I think I'm sober up for now,” you said as you let go of his hand.

Dokyeom chuckled before tossing his head back, “I didn't realize you could move like that” he said as they sat back on the bed, a little closer than before.

“I guess I learnt a few things along the way when you're friends with the best dancers out here.” As you finished your sentence, he peered into your eyes, making no sound as the room fell silent.

“Soo, what did you want to talk about?” you awkwardly state to relieve some tension in the air.

“I don't know how to explain it, but I kind of heard your "secret" as it passed through the practice room, and I simply wanted to be the first one to tell you about it because-

Your heart stopped pounding as your world came crashing down around you. You didn't want to hear it; the rejection; you'd rather live in your fantasy world, where you don't have to worry about anything. It wasn't true if you didn't hear it.

“Wait, if you can't reconcile those feelings, don't say anything; just let me go.” They're probably curious about our whereabouts anyway.” And with that, you stood up and walked towards the door, but you were pulled back by his hand.

He kissed you as swiftly as his hands linked with yours. You were taken aback at first by his passion, but you regained your calm and reminded yourself of what was going on: he was really kissing you, and you were really kissing him, and the rest of the world was inconsequential.

You were chilling on the outside while shouting for joy at the top of your lungs on the inside, as if your inner child had been set free. You had to be sure if this was a dream or if it was happening in real life.

“Ouch”

“Why did you do that?” Dokyeom asked as he gripped your arm in his.

“I had to double-check that I wasn't dreaming; this isn't the first time something like this has happened to me.”

“So you're saying I've been in your dreams?” he laughed as he cocked his head to the side and placed his hand in yours.”

You smacked your forehead and shook your head, realizing you couldn't get out of this one, and now he knew you fantasize about him. You didn't mind because the lad of your dreams was right in front of your eyes.

AND HE WAS HOLDING YOUR MF HAND. It was clear that your diary needed to be updated.

Stopping at the door, you placed your palm on his chest and worriedly stared at him.

“Wait, how did you find out?” 

“Well, a tiny birdie was chattering loudly about it, his name rhymes with coo,” he said as he grabbed your hand in his and opened the door and began the walk downstairs.

“Fucking Boo Seungkwan”

[reaction2whatever]

Agents of SHIELD S3E21-S3E22 reaction

I'm nervous. Two more episodes until finale and I'm not ready for anyone to die

I mean it's pretty obvious that the team will stop Hive from turning millions of people into those primitive creatures but...

At what expense?

Agents of SHIELD S3E21

-Poor Daisy. Her nightmare is so full of guilt

-Simmons is so formal with Daisy and uggghhh I hate this

-I hope someone comforts her later cause it's not her fault that some warm is digging a hole in her head

-holy fuck shield planes can fly in the water now? cool

-yoyo calling Mack turtle speed is so cute lmao

-Welp Daisy hates herself so much she's comparing herself with Ward now

-As far as self-hatred goes, that's a new low

-like she literally has a warm digging into her head to make her do things that she deeply regrets and Ward has nobody controlling his actions especially after Garret died.

-I mean it is very in character for Daisy to hate herself and what she did but still somebody needs to go in there and hug her like NOW

-I know Daisy is in pain but I love this conversation between Daisy and Coulson

-The only thing that's missing is for him to hug Daisy lol

-Gotta admit this move of using the memory machine on Hive is pretty genius

-I don't really buy that they caught Hive

-There is still an episode and a half until finale is over soooo

-Not gonna relax until this season's over

-I don't understand Lincoln's thought process. Why does he feel like he suddenly can't be with Daisy and that he needs to quit shield

-OMFG Mack got so much more lovable this season

-"You're my partner" "and I forgive you"

-My girl really needed to hear that awwww The way Mack hugs Daisy got me so emotional

-It's so adorable. Daisy's head is smaller than Mack's biceps lol

-Chloe Bennet is such a good actress in this episode (Yes I finally memorized her name lol)

-lmao the way Fitz's mind went to the naughty side and Simmons just so excitedly said "Snorkelling" this shit is gold

-Welp FitzSimmons booking a trip together and Fitz picking up the cross in Daisy's vision and Fitz wearing that shield jacket

-That better not be a foreshadowing of Fitz's death

-I love this conversation between Mack and Daisy soo much. Mack is such a good partner

-see I was right in not relaxing until the finale is over...Hive spent like 20 minutes in the gel matrix and he got an express delivery to the super-secret shield base

-of course Daisy can hack the prison module lol she's that good

-But she still looks shaky is she gonna be able to fight Hive

-oh nooooo

-I swear to god if Hive sways Daisy again Imma throw hands

- I'm SO glad I don't need to wait a week to see what happens next. Daisy girl just snap out of it!!!!

Agents of SHIELD S3E22

-omg this scene of Daisy screaming in pain and this fight between Daisy and Hive

-legendary

-I got so satisfied seeing Daisy stab Ward over and over

-But there is no way for her to win, not really. Not when Hive is basically invulnerable.

-She stabbed him over and over AND she basically broke his spine using her power and he still was not even fazed

-I wonder what could they possibly do to stop him

-The way yoyo took a bullet for Mack: That's true love right there

-I got so emotional over this conversation between May and Daisy. "Your power did not make you an agent, I did"

-May is such a good mom lol

-OH NO Fitz just gave the jacket and the necklace to Daisy?

-I swear to god if Daisy dies Imma never get over it

-Octopus man looks kinda silly lol Hive looks much more like a villain when he's got Ward's face

-Lincoln is probably the only one in shield who figured out why Daisy really went to find Hive. He's the only person who was an addict.

-Why is Daisy sooo pretty even when she's crying

-But I will riot if Daisy really is dead

-Mack's shotgun axe!! so badass

-Daisy you better not do anything stupid and die omfg

-oh no oh no oh no oh Lincoln

-Lincoln can't die right??? Can't they save him somehow??

-He said "The girl I love"

-Lincoln's last sentence to Daisy wasn't even complete and he didn't even get to say I love you to Daisy

-Oh man, I really loved Lincoln

-The way Daisy begged Coulson to help her omg poor girl my heart breaks for her

-Poor Daisy. the two men she's ever fallen in love with in this show just blew up in space together that's so messed up

-I think I'm falling in love with Chloe Bennet. she's phenomenal

-The way Daisy cries aww man can't she just have an easier time? she's been through enough

-wtf why is shield hunting Daisy now? especially Coulson?

-Did she just fly????? That's sooo badass omfg

-And Coulson is not the director anymore? wtf?