#he was so amazingly talented and brought happiness to so many

[spaghettiposts]

An Outlaws Christmas

Cowboy!reader x Wanda Maximoff

Summery: Wanda’s father has never liked you, but that won’t stop you from delivering a special gift this season.

Warnings: Mentions of firearms, fluff, Bucky being dramatic.

Words Count: 3.5k

“Bucky I swear to God, you better keep this thing steady.” You muttered between cold breaths, raising your foot to the next step, sensing the ladder tremble beneath you. Your eyes whipped downward, glaring at the cowboy.

He huffed, gripping the ladder tighter. “You just- had to date the rich girl with a four-story mansion didntcha?” He seethed, shifting his weight to support the item. “It’s fucking freezing man.”

Indeed, it was freezing. The middle of December in Fort Worth brought snow gleaming in the streets, covering trails and displeasing the horses. Which you had to use to get here in the first place, Wanda’s house that is. More precisely her fathers house, who wasn’t so keen about you. Why were you here? Simple.

Christmas, the season of giving, in any weather condition. And in any condition you always wanted to visit Wanda, even if Bucky complained about it. Especially tonight, when it was Christmas night. Where family’s would spend their nights together, huddled by the fireplace. Something you wanted to share with Wanda someday.

Something an outlaw like you couldn’t have, but you tried anyway. You tried for her, tried to change your rugged ways. Formerly around this time of year you never would’ve imagined a reason to celebrate this holiday. There was nobody special in your life, no family, and Bucky never liked Christmas ideals.

Now there was Wanda to be that someone. Beautiful, intelligent, amazingly talented Wanda. The girl who went for someone like yourself, a lowlife criminal trying to mend their ways. She saw the good in you, that you failed to see in yourself. And bit by bit she brought it out of you. Blackmail Barnes would constantly use on you, mocking you as the ‘cowboy who got whipped’ or ‘cowboy gone soft’ and his personal favorite ‘Casanova’. Despite the smacks you gave him each time he dared to use those terms, secretly you didn’t mind, it just meant you were closer to change than before. With that in mind, you didn’t let the opportunity to make Wanda your girlfriend pass by you, despite her parents disapproval.

Maybe if you got a better job, in time that would change too.

“Just keep the ladder steady Barnes, I’ll be finished quick.” You hollered over the wind, climbing up with haste. Looking through the windows you recognized them as the third floor, for the servants Wanda had told you. Rich people had rooms for everything nowadays.

“Quick my ass..” He scoffed.

“Was that sarcasm James?”

He let out a groan, pounding his fist on the ladder. “Just get your girl already”

“Alright alright…” You chuckled under your breath, hurrying up the ladder. You didn’t want to risk his impatience, the last thing you wanted was for him to throw you off. Fortunately, with the heavy snowfall, you’d probably only break one rib.

Although Wanda wouldn’t be happy, so you wouldn’t risk it.

Finally, the ladder came to an end, perfectly syncing with Wanda’s bedroom window. You were grateful to Mr. Williamson, your local carpenter, took your request for a 40 foot ladder seriously. Raising up your fist to knock–as you had done so many times before–you found yourself plagued with…hesitancy.

Pulling the poorly wrapped package out of your interior coat pockets, you examined the item. Its contaminants inside were beautiful, even you could admit, but the outside? Poorly wrapped crumbles of brown lunch bag paper with white string holding all the mess together? Was what was on the inside enough for Wanda?

Feeling another shake on the ladder you turned your head down, meeting the eyes of Bucky. He motioned to the window with his head, shooting you a thumbs up. You mouthed a small ‘thanks’ to him, right now wasn’t the time for insecurities. You’re sure Wanda would love the gift, or at least appreciate the gesture.

Clearing your throat, you tapped on the window, announcing yourself, “Wanda! It’s me! Do you mind opening the window?” You asked, waiting for the velvet curtains to part. In all honesty, you weren’t quite sure she was there at the moment. You knew the tendency her parents had of venturing off into parties, dragging her along into them and you assumed Christmas parties were a thing.

A couple of seconds later, you heard shuffling from inside, the curtains opening and your smile widening. Wanda looked through the window, searching for you till her eyes landed on your figure covered in snow. Her eyes widened, her hand lifting up to her chin in shock, “Y/n?”

“Hi Darlin’.” You shot the bewildered woman a toothy grin, lifting your hand to wave at her. Carefully she opened the window slowly, making sure not to knock you over in the process. Her shock eventually subsided into worry, grabbing you by the wrist to pull you inside.

“What are you doing here? It’s cold out, you’ll get sick.” She fretted, patting your forearms to shake off the snow.

“I’ve got my jacket,” You shrugged, her hands staying on your chest. “and I’m here for you. I brought you something for Christmas.” You smiled, digging through your pockets, Wanda tilted her head curiously. Pulling out the paper present you presented it to her.

Her eyes looked down at the gift fondly, she could tell you had wrapped it but thankfully found it endearing. Her fingers ran delicately through the string tying it together, as she turned to look at you with soft eyes and a tender smile tugging at her lips.

“Really?” She whispered, rubbing her hands on your chest before letting them hang on your shoulders. Her smile turned into a small smirk at the way you clearly leaned into her touch. “You didn’t have to Y/n…”

Truthfully you didn’t have to, Wanda had expressed how she was fine with you not celebrating the holiday, knowing how different your childhoods had been. She didn’t expect anything from you, a problem you wanted to change. You were capable enough for her to depend on you.

You blushed, enjoying the feel of Wanda’s fingers caressing the back of your neck. “But I want to, it’s custom to give your loved ones gifts and you’re mine.” You said sheepishly.

Wanda’s face softens at your words, keeping her gaze on you, searching for something more. And you think she’s going to close the distance but instead she moves her gaze to the door, squeezing your shoulders.

“Okay, but I’m afraid this’ll have to be quick.” She sighs “My Fathers due to be back soon, and you know how he feels about our relationship.”

At the mention of her father your expression turns into a slight grimace, the man was a governor, rich beyond belief and trying to get rid of old fashion ways. Including individuals such as yourself, outlaws. He had reason to, but still the thought of him left a bitter distaste in your mouth.

“He’ll learn to love me eventually.”

Wanda lets out a breathy chuckle, shaking her head in denial. “I highly doubt it, he’s very…traditional.”

Traditional. You hated that word.

“I could be traditional.” You tried to reason, even though you were the least bit traditional. It was worth a shot.

“With that rustic drawl of yours I’m not too sure Detka.” Wanda teased, leaning up to place a kiss on the corner of your lips. You wanted to correct her but she continued, “But that’s okay, personally I find it very charming.”

And then she closed the distance between you, savoring the way you let out a small sigh. You missed this, you missed her, you especially missed her touch. The way her hands guided yours down to her waist, encouraging you.

Wanda appreciated your kindness and respect towards boundaries. Making you all the more attractive in her eyes, the way you’d ask before anything, even hand holding, your charming gentleman like behavior. God, she wanted to rip those jeans off you.

You felt Wanda try to deepen the kiss which you eagerly gave into, granting her tongue permission. Her hands slipped inside your shirt, scratching the skin softly, causing your breath to hitch. Pulling away from the kiss with a gasp, resting your forehead against yours, catching your breath.

Wanda snickers between stolen kisses. “Damn it Wands…” You mumble affectedly, “This was ‘post to be about you.”

Pulling her head slightly away she stares up at you, a mischievous grin playing at her lips. “We have a couple minutes to spare, me and you.” Her hold tightened on your neck, pulling you in for another kiss. “I’ve missed you.”

Taking everything in you, you slow down the kiss much to Wanda’s disappointment. You chuckle shyly, remembering how she told you to be quick, ironic. “I’ve missed you too but not- today” You shudder with all seriousness, removing your hands from her hips.

“Mkay, I suppose we could wait for another moment.” She says, releasing her hold on you. “Besides you know I like taking my time with you.” She winks, laughing at your reaction.

“Quit teasin’ me…” You sigh, trying to shake off the blush dusting your cheeks, something that tended to happen with Wanda. The brunette only shrugged, feigning innocence. She took a hold of your wrist pulling you towards her bed, taking a seat and then patting the space beside her. Eagerly you settle in beside her, placing the gift on her lap.

“Open it.” You smile, anticipating the reaction.

Wanda fiddles with the present, tilting her head. “What is it?”

You snort “Well you won’t know until you open it Wands.”

Pursing her lips Wanda tugs on the strings, delicately unwrapping the gift which you didn’t really get, considering it wasn’t some high class material but kept quiet. Once the paper wrapping was off it revealed a rectangular shaped black leather box, it looked rather expensive. Feeling the leather Wanda confirmed her thoughts with widened eyes. Pure rich leather.

Her fingers traced the fabric, turning to stare at you. “Y/n what is this…” She whispered, you urged her to open the lid. And when she did the gasp that left her lips was almost comical. “Oh my gosh.”

“It’s a pendant.” You pointed out, feeling a little uncomfortable under her strong gaze. Did she like it? If only mind readers existed.

“Yes I know but, how?” She questioned, picking up the necklace before frowning. It was beautiful. “Detka…I don’t need you spending this much on me. This looks far too pricy.” Came her response, you sucked your teeth already expecting that answer from her. Wanda was never one to let you spoil her, knowing how much you made, odd considering you made a good amount…with a gun.

“Saving up money isn’t that hard, you’ve just gotta kill the right men to get it.” You smile sheepishly, a poor attempt to lighten the mood.

“Y/n.” Wanda glared, disliking your joke.

“I’m joking! Honest.” You laughed, putting your hands up in surrender. “Actually this jewel wasn’t so hard to find.”

“You found it?”

“Yup, mined it straight from that rock. Me and Barnes were chasing after a guy…” You hesitated, her raised eyebrow challenging you to finish that sentence. “To talk, down in the mines, when I found it. It reminded me of you, just like your eyes. So I plucked it open and took it to a jeweler. All's fair, no shooting involved.” You swore, crossing a finger across your heart.

Wanda just shook her head, rubbing her temple with her hand. You could tell she was upset at the revelation, she never appreciated hearing stories that could’ve killed you. Another thing you were trying to change, this one was more challenging as there were many people who wanted you dead, the difficult part was getting Wanda to understand that.

Both of you were stubborn that way.

“Does that…make it worse?” You asked carefully, debating whether to put a hand on her back, eventually deciding against and placing it back on your side. You didn’t want to overwhelm her. “I could get you one from the store if you’d like. I saw some real pretty ones there too.”

“That makes it all the more special to me, you mined it straight from the rock and fixed it up but you know how I feel about your ‘talks’.” She ended with a slightly twinge of annoyance. “I just worry about you and your job.”

You fiddled with the sheets underneath your fingertips, unsure what to say about that besides an apology. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to worry you.”

Worrying was something no one had ever cared to do for you in your lifetime, not until Wanda. The feeling was strange…and something to get used to. You tried to be more understanding towards Wanda’s feelings, having picked up a book or two on how to maintain a healthy relationship, and Wanda was gladly by your side throughout the process.

“Its fine really, so long as you come back to me alive.” She empathized the last word, giving you a stern look. You nodded your head, agreeing with her. Lifting up her chin, carrying a satisfied look by your response, she trusted you. “If not I’ll come back and kill you myself.”

“Honey, me and you both know that you don’t know your way around a revolver.” You teased, leaning in forward to grasp her hand and place a small peck on the back of it.

“Just like you don’t know your way around the kitchen?” She retorted smugly, causing your eyebrows to furrow.

“I know my way…my meals are cooked with the intent of survival.”

“Clearly taste isn’t a part of your ideologies of ‘survival’.” She sneered, you tried to hide your smile but ultimately failed, laughing along with her.

The atmosphere had shifted, no longer holding that same tension as it did before. Worries and insecurities had left you, laughing along with the girl you had grown to love. You loved moments like these, carefree ones. Ones where you didn’t have to worry about wild snakes or bandits trying something. Ones where you could be happy with the person you loved most.

Admiring your girlfriend you couldn’t help yourself but to lean forward and cup her chin, connecting your lips together. It was a quick kiss, one you pulled away from as quick as it started, not permitting Wanda the chance to kiss back.

Instead she stared at you in shock, cheeks red. You had initiated something. Feeling flustered from the attention you looked down at your lap in embarrassment, which was quickly overtaken by Wanda who threw herself on you in glee, pampering kisses all over your face.

“I love you.” She whispered, kissing your cheeks. “Even if you’re a reckless idiot who climbs up four story mansions, and is a part time bounty hunter.” A kiss to your nose “But you’re my idiot.” A kiss to your forehead “Forever.” And finally your lips.

“Forever?”

“Mhm, mind putting this on me?” She requested, grabbing the necklace chain. You nodded happily, watching her shift in your lap to get a better view. Gently you pushed her hair aside, bringing the jewelry round her neck. It took a couple of frustrating attempts to get inside the clasp but eventually you managed, closing it.

Wanda thanked you with another kiss before moving herself off your lap and standing to get a view of the necklace in the mirror. Pushing yourself off the bed, you followed your girlfriend into her closet, admiring how divine the jewel looked on her.

“You look gorgeous.” You sighed, hearts racing at just the sight of her.

Wanda smiled, toying with the jewel. “It’s very pretty, I love it, thank you.” She reassured, placing a hand on your shoulder and giving you a loving kiss on the cheek. You smile back at her, taking the initiative to bring your lips together this time, sharing a loving kiss. That’s all it was, love.

Wanda smiled happily into the kiss, proud of you for taking initiative again, slotting her arms back on your neck. Tilting her head to deepen the kiss she pulled away, “But you know what would’ve been nicer?”

“What?”

“A ring.”

“A ring?”

“If this was your way of claiming your mark on me, it was a nice attempt but usually people settle for rings.” She replied, playing with the baby hairs on the back of your neck. “Which I’m still waiting for, maybe that way you’ll have a reason to put that gun down for once. A family to come back to.”

A family.

Oh gosh.

Hoping it wasn’t embarrassingly obvious how much you enjoyed that idea, you barely managed to squeak out a small, “But you like the necklace right…?”

“Of course, it’ll be hard to take it off of me now.” Wanda retorted playfully “Unless you’re willing to try?”

“I um.” You swallowed dryly, definitely now you knew your face was looking as ripe as a tomato.

At your expression Wanda let out a hearty laugh, furthering your embarrassment. She slapped an arm at your chest playfully, “I’m just teasing Detka, breathe. Although I’m serious about that, I’ll wear it forever.”

“I’m glad you like it. Like really glad, I wasn’t too sure and Bucky wasn’t much help.” You said, recalling the way Bucky had fallen asleep midway through your shopping session in search of something for the girl.

“I can see that he's never been the romantic type, unless you count that disastrous encounter with Natasha as romance then, maybe.” Both of you cringed at the memory.

Sputters of a car garnered your attention distracting you from the girl in your arms. The noise sounded suspiciously like her fathers new automobile, quickly you removed your hands from Wanda’s body. Wanda too, let you go at impressive speeds, rushing to take a look outside the window. Peering outside she was met with the sight of her father, who was kicking the tire of his car, muttering curses under his breath.

Oh shit her father.

Oh shit Bucky.

“Bucky.” You gasped, collecting your things. “Shit shit shit, Buckys still outside.”

“My fathers here.” Wanda said through gritted teeth, your eyes widened, rushing to get out of there. Before you could get too far Wanda stopped you with a tug at your forearm, smacking a box at your chest.

“What’s this?” You questioned, eyebrows furrowed, pushing the box back to get a better look at it. Quickly Wanda tugged your chin to meet her, placing one last peck on your lips before pulling the window open.

“Christmas gift.” She explained, “I don’t like what you do, and this isn’t me encouraging it, but you’re my girlfriend and I love you. So that’s that, now go before I change my mind.”

You nodded your head dumbly, unsure what she meant by all that, but climbed out anyway, waving her goodbye with the box secured in your hands.

Once you reached the bottom it was only then that you realized what she meant by those words, a new rifle stood in your hands. One of the best models out there. Grinning widely you took no time in ripping it out of the box, oh how you loved this girl.

—

“Fouty fucking minutes.” Bucky snarled, still shaking the snow off his body. There wasn’t a single part of him that wasn’t white from head to toe. “Forty! You left me in the cold for Forty minutes!!” He shook his leather hat violently, slapping it around.

You sighed, taking the hat off your head and dusting yourself as well. In contrast you weren’t so full of snow, which just upset the man more. “I’m sorry Buck, I didn’t mean to take so long, but it was amazing.” The last part came out in awe.

Bucky placed his hat back on firmly, throwing a glare at you. He knew that voice, that puppy love coded tone of yours that only ever arose to haunt him when you were on the verge of an hour talk about Wanda. He debated shooting you right now before you started again.

“Forty minutes…I could’ve gotten frostbite you know, then who’s gonna cover you? Wanda? Like hell.” He muttered, narrowing his eyes at you when you pulled out your new rifle. One of the newest models too, he had to admit he was quite envious.

“She’s so amazing…”

“Are you even listening to me?!” He said exasperated, throwing his hands in the air.

“She gave me a gun…” You sighed dreamily, hugging the firearm to your chest. “Not just any gun Bucky, but a Winchester Model. The expensive good kind too.” You exclaimed, shaking him by the shoulders. His face scrunched up, smacking you away.

Bucky huffed from beside you, continuing to walk since you were too lovesick to lead. The building wasn’t too far from here. “She got me a good revolver too, you ain’t special.”

“Yeah but…mines better.”

“That doesn’t even- whatever you still took too damn long in there.”

“I haven’t seen her in weeks!” You whined, trying to defend yourself.

Bucky let out a grunt, rolling his eyes. “Yeah and you won’t see her in weeks, with all that back pain you’re gonna get.”

“What?”

“I call dibs on the good mattress, you fucked with me too much this time.” He shrugged, opening the door to your shared building.

“That’s not-”

“And by the way, I can still see her lipstick all over you.” He motioned to your face, before pointing down your neck. “You might wanna cover up those hickeys too, Bottom.”

“James!”

[alittlefrenchtree]

I obviously don't think he has to be online 24/7 so as not to be forgotten, it doesn't make sense and his job isn't even one that requires this of him. However, I think that his agent and his team are doing a poor job and should do much more. They didn't profit in the slightest by taking advantage of the hype that rwrb would bring.

I know the strike wasn't expected, but Nicholas for example was able to capitalize on the popularity due to the film with two projects he's promoting now that he's made post rwrb and his name is everywhere thanks to it. They should have done something similar too, he should be super busy by now thanks to the popularity of that movie and maybe for me it's more important what he does than how he uses social media (no hate, I just think his team should do more better)

To be honest, I wasn’t sure I was going to post and answer your ask. There is something quite bizarre about posting something I disagree with entirely on my blog. But I’m still going to try if I can manage to answer this clearly and quickly (spoiler: it’s not quick) and if I like my answer enough. If you’re reading this, I guess I’ve managed to do it somehow.

I don’t know if you know, but people have been coming to my inbox to talk about the bad job agent and PR team were doing since 2019 or 2020. Do you know who they were talking about back then? Timothée Chalamet. Since the guy is having a pretty decent career so far, I'm guessing wasn't so bad after all. So even if I’m not comparing Taylor to Timothée, because no one can be compared to Timothée right now, you’ll understand that I’ve already learned that they aren’t many experts around here. But the thing that came off all of the talks back then is: you might not like what you see (or don’t see) but it doesn’t mean they’re doing a bad job. 

Secondly, there is still no point of comparing one people to another or to ask of someone to be more like someone else or do the same kind of things as someone else. Nick and Taylor are different people, at different stages of their careers, with different careers and backgrounds, and certainly with different aspirations and needs so wishing the people around them would have done "something similar" is a bit of a non sense for me. They’re doing the same job and worked on the same movie but it doesn’t mean they should follow similar path. To carry on with the Chalamet example, I don’t see people going around blaming Calah Lane for not being Timothée Chalamet, Hugh Grant or Olivia Colman yet after the success of Wonka. It doesn't make sense.

Thirdly, you got some your dates wrong. Nick is actually capitalizing on projects he did before rwrb right now. To be fair, he’s probably more capitalizing on freaking Cinderella than anything else at the moment. He does that beautifully but it’s really something he’s been building up from way longer than the last 7 months or so. And yes, Starz was probably delighted to see his popularity explode during the summer with RWRB and Bottoms but it means they got a few more bucks for promotion and a few more interviews requests. It didn't give the actual job to Nick. And well, all respect to Nick but I’m pretty sure Anne Hathaway and Harry Styles would have make all the buzz around pre-premiere The Idea of You all by themselves. Nick did bring most of the enthusiastic cheerleaders to the premiere but his impact on the movie and how much he can capitalize will come after the release of the said thing. For now, the project and the lead are bigger than him.

I know some people will only read half of my words but I’m obviously not diminishing any of Nick’s work or talent. He’s very talented and is doing amazingly and I’m both very happy and proud to see him shine but some of the things I read about him are clearly lacking of perspective in the grand scheme of things.

So far, post-RWRB actually brought very similar things to Taylor and Nick actually: invitations to a shit loads of fancy parties and both apparently working on unknown projects we know nothing about. (And delicate talks about a potential sequel).

People also needs to understand that Taylor’s career in movies has started in 2020. He’s a freaking baby. And since covid killed most of the impact TBK could have had and the his sister died of cancer and then the strikes happened, half of the years since 2020 doesn't really count. Thinking where he is now isn’t already huge giving the circumstances (and everything else we’ve already talked about here) is madness. And we actually don't know what his team is doing right now. Might be a poor job. Might be ok. I have no clue.

God I hate what you made me do. I might regret answering it for all the people who will read this and find nothing better to write that something like "there is this Tumblr blog saying Nick owes all of his success to Camila Cabello and Harry Styles and that he did nothing compared to TZP, imagine the delulu 💀" but yeah.

TLDR; (not specifically for you, Nonny. Just some general thoughts with way less words)

Stop comparing artists. Stop comparing people all together.

Stop asking middle schooler to be high schooler.

Stop thinking high schooler is worth more than the middle schooler because they’re in high school. They’ve been doing that student thing for way longer, it’s normal.

Stop thinking you’re the only target audience of PR work. You’re already obsessed, they doesn’t need to get you on board.

Stop thinking movies are made from scratch to finish in 5 months. Scripts go around for years. People are casted, then leave projects because pre-production takes forever, because there isn’t enough money and then other people are casted and pre-production starts again, and things get delayed and everything takes a freaking long time (and even more luck) to actually happen.

Having too much expectations will kill the fun eventually. Wait for things to happen. Go play video games or something in the meantime. I don’t know.

(I’m not sure what I’ll do with the follow up of this conversation. I’ll read everything but I might not answer to most. I’m not sure).

And like previous ask, sorry if it came out harsher that it should have been. No harm intended 🙏

[crystalclear97]

I WAS AT STAGE WITH PARAMORE 💜

Wow. I can't believe I'm writing this. Here I go.

Disclaimer: English is not my first language and I'm writing this at the airport on my phone without thinking too much. So, sorry if I mess up with the grammar or something 🙏 (by the time I'm uploading it I'm already at home cause I wanted to add some pictures).

I made this account very recently because I was embarassed about fangirling too much at my main blogs where irl people followed me.

I dedicated this account mostly to aruani (snk) fandom but you've probably realized that I also share a lot Paramore stuff.

Well, I wasn't planning on ending anonymity anytime soon but... something BIG happened to me.

Last thursday I was able to go to my first Paramore show ever at Dublin. I've been dreaming about it for so many years. I've watched so many videos of fans going up stage at Misery Business and I've cried so many times watching them. I travelled from Spain, wrote in a huge sign "I crave to sing with you", arrived at queue at 8:15 am aprox, and waited (I had General Acces tickets!). The amazing Tom gave us some numbered wristbands so we could leave the queue and stay warm and healthy without losing our spot. He was the sweetest. Meanwhile I took a walk around, lucky enough to meet Brian Robert Jones and take a pic with him!!! Around 4 pm we were back at the queue and, yes, I was able to be at the same spot. ❤️

The second I entered the arena and realized how close I was to the stage I started ugly crying hahahaha. Rozi Plain was so sweet, Bloc Party was awesome (I really like them as well!!). And then they came out. At that moment I wasn't even crying anymore, I think I was disassociating a bit 🤣

They were amazing. Hayley is so talented, pretty and fun. THE ENERGY. I was holding up my sign maybe for too long and I could hear some people complaining about it behind me, which I totally understand... I felt so bad I started crying about it so I decided to not hold it up again until Misery Business :_) But soon the guilty tears turned into emotional tears, and I cried a lot during most of the show. I was SO EMOTIONAL during Last Hope... 🥺

AND THEN

Misery Business starts. Time to make Hayley spot me 🙏 Omg my stomach hurts while writing this... SHE. PICKED. ME. SHE FUCKING PICKED ME. I didn't realized, my boyfriend literally had to tell me because I was so nervous I didn't realized. Ok I think I'm going to cry again hahahaha.

She said she had been watching and knew exactly that it was going to be me. I can't believe it. At that moment I was so euphoric that I just went with the flow. Obviously I'd been preparing myself for this but you need to know I'm a very socially akward person, I have many anxiety issues, but IDK WHAT HAPPENED TO ME BUT I'M VERY PROUD OF MYSELF 😭😭😭 Hayley hugged me very hard, I told her I love her and thanked her a billion times. She is very tiny and I'm a big tall person but she PET MY HEAD 😭😭😭❤️ I can't believe she was so sweet!!!! I did it, I sang the song, I danced with Hayley, she said my name, we headbanged together... an amazing dream come true. I asked her to sign my (diy grow up) jacket and SHE DID IT!!! I was told to left very quickly (obviously 🤣) but she managed to sign it for me on time 🙏❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ (I also brought a marker in my pocket on purpose). I mean I WAS SO READY FOR IT 😭❤️

After that people were AMAZINGLY NICE TO ME. THANK YOU ALL WITH ALL MY HEART. It means the world to me that the other fans felt happy for me, so many people congratulated my, you are in my heart FOREVER. I felt kinda bad because I'm from Spain and I started thinking that maybe I didn't deserve it, that it should have been anyone from Dublin... I find it very difficult to feel worthy of all the goods things that happen to me, and to hear so many fans telling so many nice things, hugging me, even asking for pictures... You really made a difference in me. I'm crying. I wish I could share with you the feeling. THANK YOU DUBLIN. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!! ❤️

This has changed my life forever. I also met Louise from Bloc Party after the show and she was LOVELY, eveything about that night has inspired me forever. I've been dreaming about making music by myself since I was a little child and just started to actually make it (kinda 🤣) a few months ago. But now... I feel so blessed and inspired I'm gonna try harder from now on.

MY WILDEST DREAMS CAME TRUE. Thank you Hayley for choosing me, thank you Paramore for changing my life, thank you Dublin for the unforgettable experience, thanks to the lovely fans I met there, and THANKS TO MY AMAZING BOYFRIEND for being there with my ALWAYS by my side. He knew it was going to be me. He fucking knew. I'm so grateful. I've been crying since that night. I'm crying right now and I'll never stop crying about this. This is a once in a lifetime experience, I am the luckiest person. A picture could not contain the way it feels.

WE LOVE YOU. WE LOVE YOU AND WE ARE PARAMORE. ❤️

Pics by Eleanor (check out her work omg):

Pics by Charlie:

Pic by Laura:

13/04/23

[dreamylittlesugarcube]

Flames of Attraction

Genre: EXO AU

Characters: Kyungsoo x Female Reader

Warnings: Swearing, kissing, mentions of “the deed” but nothing graphic

Word Count: 9.3k

Summary: Who’s the boss? You are! Or at least, you had been until he showed up. For the past month, you’d busted your sous-chef butt to keep the hotel restaurant afloat after the head chef abruptly up and quit. Now, the manager’s brought in a friend, celebrity chef Do Kyungsoo, to lead the kitchen. With Kyungsoo wanting to run things his way, will tensions flame into something more? 

A/N: Oh my gosh, I finally finished! This is my longest fic to date, as part of the Crimson Aurora Hotel and Spa Collab. Buckle up for ~10k, folks! ! hope you enjoy it! Please re-blog so that others can find and interact with this post easier. Thanks a million!

P.S. I’m planning to write some filthy epilogues for anyone interested!

P.S. GIFS and pictures do not belong to me, so credit should go to the original owners. (theonly-vagina-kyungsoo-will-fuk

~*~

“Feeling a little tense today, boss?” 

You glanced up briefly from your pork cutlets to find Hyun-min staring at you, elbows on the counter in a manner you’d told him you don’t enjoy. As the chef de partie in charge of the meat station, a classmate from culinary school, and a long-time friend, he was entirely too perceptive for your liking. This quality was exceptionally beneficial in the workplace, but not so much when you were trying to squash your anger in the name of professionalism. 

“No, what makes you think that?” you responded, lying through your teeth. 

Hyun-min flashed you a cheshire cat grin, feigning nonchalance. “Oh, I don’t know…maybe because our new boss shows up tomorrow? THE WORLD FAMOUS CELEBRITY CHEF DO KYUNGSOO?!”

“Who’s side are you on anyway?” you mumbled as Hyun-min squealed in excitement. 

“Yours, of course. But I can’t help it. The man’s a legend–helming a three-starred Michelin restaurant when he was under the age of 25 and he’s model-hot?!”

 He fanned himself dramatically with a copy of tonight’s menu. 

No one needed to tell you how talented Do Kyungsoo was. His accomplishments spoke for themselves–the book deals, the television shows, the James Beard awards, and yes–the coveted Michelin stars. You'd watched him on TV before and couldn’t deny that he’s good–okay, amazingly good, with a great knack for flavor. He’s been listed in more than one “30 Under 30” article. Was it fair to be blessed with that level of both talent and looks?!  Furthermore, you wondered why someone like him, who’s been the executive chef of many, many famous restaurants would come here. Perhaps, Manager Kim had more connections than you knew. 

It’s been several months since Head Chef Maurice abruptly departed. Many chefs have been interested in replacing him, but Manager Kim wasn’t satisfied with any of them, which left you, the sous-chef, to fill in the gaps.

Rather than sticking to one type of cuisine, you introduced fusion dishes, which have been very well-received. You were happy, guests were happy, and Mr. Kim seemed happy…so happy that you thought he might give you the promotion you always dreamed of. After five years of toiling away at this restaurant you’d thought maybe, just maybe this was your time. You felt blindsided at the news of Do Kyungsoo’s arrival not even two days ago, which left you with no time to process anything beyond anger. 

“I’m fine,” you said tightly, grabbing your meat hammer. “Absolutely.” Pound. “100%.” Pound. “Totally.” Pound. “Fine.” Pound. Pound. Pound. Pound. 

“Uh-huh, sure,” Hyun-min sayid, narrowing his eyes in obvious doubt.  “You can lie all you want, honey…but don’t take it out on my poor, innocent pork cutlets. They’re supposed to be thinly pressed, not hacked to pieces!”

He quickly grabbed the tray of meat and moved it protectively out of the way, like you were a wild animal he couldn’t trust not to strike once his back was turned. 

You flushed in embarrassment at your lack of composure, still incredibly on edge. Since you weren’t allowed to mete out your frustrations on the schnitzel, you’d need to seek out other avenues. Fortunately, your friend at the front desk was only too happy to help, and before you knew it, you were face down on a massage table, tension draining from your limbs under the masterful hands of the Crimson Aurora’s best masseuse.

~*~

Not 20 minutes into your lavender-induced stupor, a knock sounded at the door. Jongin told you to wait and slipped out the door, returning to quietly inform you that a certain Do Kyungsoo had arrived and “required your immediate attention.” 

As you dressed, you could feel your stomach twisting into knots as you made your way to the kitchen. Standing outside the kitchen doors, the absence of clanging pans, furious chopping, and loud, boisterous voices was your first clue that something was amiss. Through the window, you could see the kitchen staff positioned in a line, as though awaiting military inspection from their commanding officer. Do Kyungsoo stood in front of them, looking every bit the formidable chef he was rumored to be in his immaculate black chef’s coat. 

Taking a deep breath, you pushed the door open, crossing the threshold that usually felt so familiar, yet was now completely alien. You put on your best “welcome” smile and stepped into the lion’s den. The noise from the squeaky doors drew the man’s attention and he turned to look at you.

Coming forward, you bowed in greeting. “Hello, my name is ____. I’m the sous-chef here. My apologies for being late, I was just informed of your arrival.”

Kyungsoo sized you up from head to toe, noting your messy hair, untucked shirt, and overall lack of polish. Not what he’d expect from his supposed second-in-command. What type of serious chef got a massage during the work day? If he were any of his former employers, you’d be given your notice immediately. The restaurant world was an unforgiving place, but Kyungsoo knew the dangers of being too quick to judge, so your skills in the kitchen had better impress. 

You shuffled past Chef Do to stand beside Hyun-min, painfully aware that the former probably definitely knew exactly where you were. You might not be happy that he was here, but you’d never want your professionalism to be questioned over such a matter. Tonight he wanted to observe and see how the kitchen works and this dinner was your chance to wow him, to prove to Chef Do that you knew what you were doing. You’d worked your butt off covering for Chef Maurice and done a good job, goddammit! 

With renewed vigor, you threw yourself into preparing tonight’s special, your team working hard alongside you to pull out the stops, all while under Chef Do’s watchful eye. It was unnerving to feel his gaze on you, judging your every move during prep work–choice of ingredients, knife work, organization–and you could tell everyone else in the room was feeling the same tension. If Hyun-min was an open book, then this man was the definition of a book wrapped in chains with a lock and key, his expression never changing, making it frustratingly impossible to know his thoughts. 

Kyungsoo circled the kitchen, observing each and every moving part, noting both what he liked and things that needed to change. People had always told Kyungsoo that he was hard to read. His agent was always telling him he needed to “emote” better and give more fan service to the camera when he was filming shows. Kyungsoo disagreed–it wasn’t that he hid his emotions, he just didn’t see the point in pretending to be something he wasn’t.

Cooking was serious business–raw and real, both chaotic and orderly at the same time. 

During filming for his various television shows, he missed the sights and sounds of the organized chaos around him–orders coming left and right, a flurry of quick hands pushing dishes through the window, and the joyful calm of the knife in his hand as he rhythmically chopped vegetables. 

By the time the first ticket came through, you and your team were in the groove and you were forever thankful for muscle memory. The donkkaseu was perfect–golden and crunchy from the panko crumbs and slightly spicy from the red pepper flakes. It went down on a brioche bun, topped with kimchi coleslaw, and accompanied by a creamy gamja salad. Running a clean cloth around the edge of the plate, you rang the bell, literally sending your heart and soul out of the kitchen on a platter. 

Ashley, longtime waitress and confidant, gave you a thumbs up through the window and you breathed a sigh of relief. Throughout the night, customer reactions were generally positive and you fielded the odd complaint of “the fish is dry” or “I asked for the steak medium” with ease. 

10:00 came and went and the kitchen closed down to its nighttime snack menu, serving a selection of Korean favorites like pajeon, tteokbokki, stir-fried squid, and cheese corn to be paired with a menu of creative cocktails. This brainchild of your’s and Taemin’s, the hotel bartender, had worked to draw in guests coming back from shows and concerts and attracted pedestrians from the outside looking for an elevated bar experience. 

An hour later, the kitchen was clean and the prep for tomorrow was done. You thanked the team for their hard work and sent them home, with you and Hyun-min remaining to fulfill the last-minute orders. You could see Chef Do in his office through the open door, scribbling furiously, no doubt making sure to take down every little mistake made during tonight’s service. You cringed, knowing there would be a debrief sooner rather than later, but pledged to defend yourself and your team, should the need arise. Everything ran smoothly tonight and you were proud of the job you’d done, though not immune to the fact that there was always room for improvement. 

Hyun-min rang the bell and Ashley came to retrieve an order, a secretive smile on her face, which could mean only one thing: gossip. 

“Am I going to have to ask or are you just going to tell me?” you asked, giving her a pointed look before handing over the plate of cheesy rice cakes. 

“Fine, twist my arm if you must.” 

Ashley beckoned you and Hyun-min over and leaned in close, as though she was about to divulge top-secret information. 

“Chanyeol’s getting lucky tonight…sent a drink to a girl and now he’s laying on the moves.”

“Hot piano guy?” you clarified, watching as Hyunmin hung his head and groaned. “Sorry, Hyun-min, I guess that ship has sunk.” 

“Why are all the available men in this place taken?” he whined. “First hot, ice king Sehun, now tall drink of water, Chanyeol?!” 

You patted his arm in sympathy and silent agreement. Despite the fact that the Crimson Aurora Hotel seemed to employ a mysterious amount of above-average looking men, neither of you had been able to make a love connection. 

That might be for the best, you mused.

You worked long hours and not everyone was understanding about the amount of time and effort it took to do what you do. Your last boyfriend had complained that you worked too much, were too focused on the restaurant and not enough on him or your relationship. In hindsight, he’d been right–you had put the job first–but honestly, he hadn’t supported you in the way you needed–always making comments about you needing to “get a real job” like his. You wanted and deserved someone who not only believed in you, but understood your drive and passion for creation and innovation. 

Ashley grabbed the plate from the pass and turned on her heels, throwing an “I’ll keep you updated” over her shoulder. 

With the last order of the night complete, you closed down the kitchen, hanging up your apron on the hook before turning off the lights. The glow from the office drew your eye, but the now-closed door dissuaded you from further investigation. Slinging your bag over your shoulder, you pushed through the kitchen doors and made your way to the place your night usually ended: the bar. 

You slid onto a bar top stool, feeling relaxed for the first time today. The red bubble pendant lights, reminiscent of magma, cast a crimson glow over the space. At this hour, the place was mostly deserted, save a lone businessman in one of the alcoves. Seeing no sign of Chanyeol, you assumed he’d retired for the evening with his new lady friend. 

Without asking, Taemin placed your drink of choice in front of you and you took a sip, enjoying the burst of fruity flavor on your tongue. He left you to your thoughts, but not before leaving you a bowl of spiced nuts and prawn crackers to snack on. You closed your eyes, letting the jazzy music wash over you, appreciating this time to decompress. 

“May I join you?” 

The request, accompanied by a gentle tap on the shoulder startled you practically out of your chair. Chef Do stood before you, dressed in jeans and a simple black t-shirt, looking remarkably less intimidating than just an hour previous. Considering the two of you hadn’t started off on the right foot, you couldn’t imagine what he wanted to talk about. 

When you gave a hesitant nod, Kyungsoo took a seat next to you. Mindful of first impressions and the work he had to do tomorrow, he asked for water when the bartender came to take his order. You were quiet next to him, so he tried to break the ice.

“Service went well today…You did well today, _____.” 

You froze mid-swallow, sputtering as liquid went down the wrong way. 

“Was that the wrong thing to say?” he wondered. 

“No,” you confirmed, trying to keep your tone as even as possible. “Just not what I was expecting.”

Kyungsoo managed to stifle a smile.“What were you expecting then?”

What had you been expecting?

A jerk who thought he walked on air, someone who ordered others around without deigning to lend a hand, that’s what.  It would be easier to hate someone like that, easier to let your anger simmer under the surface. Honestly, you weren’t sure what to do with the person who was currently in front of you. You munched on the prawn cracker, grateful for the crunch, crunch that filled the silence. 

Kyungsoo lifted a brow at your obvious avoidance of the question. He chose to artfully change the topic. Eyeing up the prawn crackers, he asked you to share, taking a second to lift it to his nose and inspect the outside before putting it in his mouth.

“Even fry, consistent cuts, crisp texture. Where do you source these from? They remind me of the ones my grandmother used to make.”

“Actually, all the bar snacks are made in-house,” you informed him, pride filling you as you spoke.

You explained that you’d been trialing the homemade snacks and late-night bar menu in hopes of attracting new customers, ones who appreciated quality food and alcohol. 

“Not what you were expecting?” you responded cheekily.

“Not exactly,” he returned, smiling genuinely at your response. 

“And the response has been good?” he asked, a hint of skepticism as he peered around the now-deserted room.

You grinned behind your hand. “There’s a concert venue down that street that should be getting out in about–”, you checked your watch, “–fifteen minutes. This place’ll be packed soon with people looking to wind down from their music high. I usually try to be out of here by then, but you’re welcome to stick around and see the chaos for yourself.”

You downed the rest of your drink and pulled cash from your wallet, which Taemin warded away with a firm shake of his head and an “on the house”. You bowed your head in appreciation and stuck a couple bills into the tip jar.

“Just friends trying to support friends,” you said, smiling sweetly at Taemin’s look of censure. 

You looked over to see that Chef Do had finished his water and put his coat on. You bid each other goodnight and then you were off to the subway station, ready to get home to your apartment, take a well-deserved shower and watch some mindless TV. 

Sitting at home, wrapped up in a blanket, you flipped through TV channels searching for something to watch, not that there was anything decent to watch this late anyway. You turned to a cooking channel that was your usual standby and came face-to-face once again, with your new boss, but this time he was whipping someone’s butt in a battle for the best beef bourguignon. He won, of course, but on these types of shows it seemed like he always did. 

You thought back to your day, which to your surprise, wasn’t as bad as you imagined it might be. This morning you’d been angry–angry that Chef Do was coming, angry with Manager Kim for not giving you a promotion, and in all honesty, angry with yourself for not being good enough yet.

Now, those emotions felt flimsy and fragile, slipping through your fingers like air, and as much as you tried to hold on, away they went. Resentment might remain, sure, but a burgeoning respect had started to well inside you, one that recognized talent for talent and appreciated a dry sense of humor…and something else too, that you don’t want to name just yet. With that in mind, you clicked the television off, tuning the man out of your living room and out of your life–at least until tomorrow.

~*~

Morning came and Kyungsoo felt hungover, despite having nothing but water at the bar last night. He knew it would be a long day at the restaurant, so he filled up on some breakfast and plain coffee. His phone rang and he saw his agent’s number flashing on the screen. He was tempted to ignore the call, but knew she’d just keep calling back if he didn't pick up. 

“How’s my rockstar chef today?” his agent, Nina, drawled in her Texas accent.

“Fine, Nina, just–”

“Perfect,” she interrupted. “Listen babe, I know this whole “head chef” thing wasn’t exactly your first choice, but Kim Junmyeon is a good friend and I owed him a favor. Think of it like a little mini-vacation.”

It was obvious that Nina had never worked in the kitchen because no one, no one who’d ever worked in a restaurant kitchen would refer to it as a “vacation”. 

“Listen sugar, I’m working on lining up another show for you. The network is thrilled with ratings for your last series and they’re clamoring for more.”

“But Nina, I don’t want to–”

“Yeah, you don’t want to stay at the hotel for too long. I know, I know. Nina will get you out of there soon, don’t you worry.”

“That’s not what I was going to–”

“Listen, Kyungsoo, my Starbucks is here so I’ve got to run. Mwah!”

Kyungsoo didn’t even have time to say anything before she was gone. He wasn’t  surprised–Nina ran a mile a minute and he was absolutely certain the woman was made up of 90% caffeine. She’d been his agent for years, since the beginning, when he’d been a simple link cook with a dream. 

It would be fair to say he never expected things to go this far–the crowds, the book deals, the shows, the fame–everything. All he ever wanted was to share his cooking with the world, maybe even own his own farm-to-table restaurant, so truth be told, he was excited at the prospect of settling down for a little while and making his mark on the Ink & Pepper. 

When he’d been approached about the opportunity six months ago, the Ink & Pepper had seemed like a restaurant with uninspired food and little direction, and needing some massive changes. He’d come prepared to wipe the slate clean of anything or anyone weighing down the place–employees, concepts, menus, whatever it took. Upon arrival, he’d been shocked to find the kitchen in pretty decent working order. Provisions were well-organized, stations were clean, and the staff worked cohesively. 

Not at all what he expected.

He knew it came down to you, the sous-chef masquerading as the one in charge. The sous-chef who got massages during the work day. He hadn’t thought much of you when you walked in looking like you’d just woken up from a three-hour nap; however, you’d quickly proved him wrong–executing and expediting dishes flawlessly. 

From the beginning, it was obvious you were used to being top dog and he wondered how you’d take to following his orders. He smiled, fondly thinking of the days he himself had been filled with bright ideas and loads of sass-not so different from you. 

With a little time left before he had to be at the restaurant, he took his two puppies out for a walk before dropping them off at daycare. Leaving his car behind, Kyungsoo strolled through the neighborhood, making note of the small, tucked-away restaurants that he wanted to try (and maybe own) someday. 

He was stopped by several older ladies who asked for his autograph and was happy to oblige. Two signed napkins and many selfies later, he was zooming through the streets on his way to the Crimson Aurora.

The kitchen was in full swing by the time he walked through the doors and he was greeted by the sound of clanging pots, sizzling pans, and steam, which halted to a whisper. Gazes followed him as he walked to his office and stowed his things. He called the team together and went over his notes from the previous evening. Once he made it clear that he wasn’t firing anybody, the staff visibly relaxed…well maybe except you. 

You frowned several times while he was talking, most notably when he mentioned that menus would solely focus on classic, French cuisine. Interesting. You must prefer a different style of food, and he made a note to ask you about that later. You also cringed when he critiqued the cook on the lamb chops from last night. Not debatable, in his opinion, it was medium or bust. 

After he finished, he pulled several staff members to go over the grocery order for next week, when his menu went into effect. He had relationships with some of the top vendors in the city and he wanted to make sure the restaurant had access to the best ingredients possible. He hadn’t had time to go over the new menu with you, but he was excited to roll it out next week. 

The day flew by–diners came and went, food left the kitchen and empty plates came back–and soon the moon was high in the sky. The kitchen lights dimmed, and from his office he could see the staff heading out for the night, leaving you and Hyun-min behind to finish up.

The spicy, sweet smell of tteokbokki filled his nose, making his mouth water. He remembered the tteokbokki his mother used to make him growing up, with plenty of fish cakes and sliced eggs. 

During culinary school at Le Cordon Bleu, he lived in Paris, adopting the lifestyle and the cuisine. Fresh fruits and vegetables, cheeses, yogurt, meat, and fish–a delicious and nutritious diet, but very different from the food he ate growing up. 

From his vantage point, he could hear bits and pieces of your conversation with Hyun-min–a bad experience on a blind date, the latest episode of The Bachelor, and Hyun-min’s cat giving him the cold shoulder. Kyungsoo didn’t have any use for idle gossip, so ended up tuning out most of it anyway, at least until he got a late-night call from New York. By the time he was done, the kitchen was deserted. Curious, made his way to the bar, and sure enough, there you were, sitting in your usual spot. Without thinking too hard, he slid into the seat next to you and ordered his new usual. 

~*~

Three months later

“Just water will do tonight, Taemin.”

You knew who spoke  without even having to look. Chef Do’s voice was distinct–deep and rich like melting chocolate, one that carried perfectly in a room (or kitchen). Water again tonight, it seemed. It made sense, Chef Do–Kyungsoo, as he’d told you to call him off-the-clock, seemed like a water kind of guy. 

“Do you drink anything else besides water?”

“Do you drink anything besides passion fruit cocktails, ___?” Kyungsoo shot back playfully, sliding into the seat next to you. 

“I’ll have you know these are passion fruit mocktails, Kyungsoo. In my old-age, I can’t handle alcohol on a weekday like I could in my youth.” 

You were over-exaggerating a little bit, considering you weren’t even 30, but bouncing back seemed harder these days, especially when you had the responsibility of being up for work just hours later. 

Looking over at Kyungsoo, you lifted an eyebrow. “What’s your excuse?”

Kyungsoo shrugged. “I just drink water, nothing else. It’s very…hydrating.” 

He winced, clearly aware of how obvious that answer was. 

You nodded awkwardly before reaching into your bag and pulling out a glass container. You’d learned that Kyungsoo was a sucker for snack foods, so this ought to do the trick. Oddly enough, this had kind of become your nightly routine for the past few months: cook your butt off all day and hole up at the bar with your boss at night. Hyun-min had joined you a couple of times, but dubbed it “boring” since it didn’t involve soju, spandex, and getting down at the club. 

“You want some kimbap? Nothing fancy, just some beef rolls and a couple of tuna.” 

You handed over the container for Kyungsoo’s inspection. Someone once said “you eat with your eyes first”, and you found that was especially true for chefs. Your kimbaps looked pretty good, the veggies were cut consistently, the egg was yellow and soft, and the roll was tight. Not as good as your mom’s, but decent.

Kyungsoo cautiously took one and popped it in his mouth. You offered him more and the two of you ate in silence.

Kyungsoo chewed thoughtfully before asking: “When do you have time to make these things? The rice seems really fresh, so obviously these weren’t made yesterday.”

“We usually keep some ingredients on-hand for staff in case they get hungry. I make them right before we leave…you’re usually on the phone when I do.”

Kyungsoo let out a big sigh, massaging his temples. 

“It’s my agent, Nina. She lives in New York, so there’s a bit of a time difference.”

“How do you do it all?” you wondered aloud. “Balance running a restaurant and a television career at the same time?” 

Kyungsoo chuckled, but the smile didn't reach his eyes. 

“Truth is, I don’t. It’s always one or the other. If I’m filming a show, I’m gone from work for weeks or months at a time. My agent is always pushing me to do more shows and appearances, but if I do, it takes me away from being in the kitchen. Even now she’s pushing me to judge some big competition show in Europe.”

It was surprising to hear this from him. He seemed like such a natural on television, born to be on screen. You would have never guessed he felt any other way, but here he was, wanting the simple basics of cheffing. 

“...but you’ve worked at some of the best restaurants in the world…all those Michelin stars…”

“But are they truly mine?” he mused. “Someone else’s vision…someone else’s kitchen…not mine…”

Getting a Michelin star always seemed like a pipe dream, so much so you never gave them more than a passing thought. But pondering it now, you realized he was right: Michelin stars were given out to restaurants with outstanding cooking, in terms of ingredients, flavor, technique and consistency over time. While the chef might be the vehicle to gaining those stars, the stars stayed, even if the chef moved on to other places.

 “Well, technically this place is yours now, right?” you said, trying to lighten the mood. 

Kyungsoo smiled softly. “Yeah…I guess you’re right. A place of my own to finally do as I wish….”

Though you’d slowly come to accept the reality of working under Kyungsoo, your chest still tightened at his words. A place of my own. 

“...and what about you?” he continued. “You must have a dream too.”

When you sheepishly admitted to having a similar dream, understanding lit his eyes. 

“Ah, so that’s why you’ve been so morose about the menus lately.”

“I have not been morose”, you grumbled as Kyungsoo shot you a look of mock disbelief. “I haven’t! Disappointed is the word I would use.”

Kyungsoo scratched his chin thoughtfully. “Have you ever thought about working somewhere else? There’s got to be hundreds of places that would see the value in your skills.”

“I mean, sure, I’ve thought about it here and there, but the Ink & Pepper was the place I first got my start and the people there are like family. I’m not sure I could leave. It just feels right, you know?”

Kyungsoo nodded in understanding, at the same time knowing opportunities would be more ripe if you looked beyond the small boutique hotel restaurant. Plenty of talented chefs never made it further than being someone else’s underling and he didn’t want that to happen to you. Kyungsoo knew many of the top people in the industry and if he put a word in with the right people, maybe you’d…

Taemin chose that moment to interrupt, saying the bar was closing, and checking your watch, you realized you and Kyungsoo had never stayed this late before. You meandered down the sidewalk, silently making your way towards the bus stop, together but alone in your thoughts. Kyungsoo dropped you off at your stop and you watched his back as he slowly walked away.

“Are you going to do it?” 

You were loud enough that Kyungsoo turned back, his brows furrowed in confusion. 

“The show, I mean. Are you going to do it?”

Kyungsoo’s eyes filled with understanding, as he came to a stop a few feet from you. 

“I’m not sure,” he admitted. “Why? Just waiting for me to go so you can take back your crown?”

“Hardly.” you huffed, scowling at the mischief you saw in his eyes.

“Then you’ll miss me?” he asked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. 

You rolled your eyes. “Again, hardly.” 

He stepped closer. “That’s a shame, because I’d miss you, ___”, he said quietly.

You turned towards him, ready to deliver another biting comeback, when you saw he was serious. 

“You what?”

“You heard me. I said I’d miss you.” 

Dazed, you sucked in a breath, trying to process what you just heard. It was quiet around you, and you realized Kyungsoo was waiting for you to speak.  Words needed to be formulated into sentences, but unfortunately your brain was jumbled up like a plate of scrambled eggs. 

Kyungsoo stepped closer, and all you could see were his eyes, jet-black against the night sky. He lifted his hand to your face, running his thumb across your cheek in a gentle caress. You opened your mouth to speak, but no words came out, as though your brain was unable to process anything but the ripples of electricity running through your body and the warmth of his skin against yours in the cool night air. 

In your peripheral, you heard the squeal of the bus as it angled into your stop. The doors hummed as they opened and several people got off, no doubt ready to hit the town. You needed to get on that bus, but to do that, you’d have to break away. 

Kyungsoo reached up to clasp your face with both hands, drawing your gaze back to him, no doubt sensing your imminent withdrawal.

“I have my car here, ____.” Kyungsoo murmured, his deep voice making you feel tingly. “Let me take you home.” 

With the bus driver looking your way, you only had a few seconds to make a choice. You knew what you should do–get on the bus and go home to your apartment alone–but here you were, contemplating being alone with a man–your boss you might add! — a man you’d never thought about in a romantic way until now…

Are you sure? a voice inside you countered. You’ve never thought of him in any other way? Never fantasized about him caging you against the door of the walk-in? Not once imagined what was under the tight, black chef’s coat he wears everyday? 

You sucked in a breath as your brain acknowledged what your heart had known for a while now. Kyungsoo occupied your thoughts during the day (and night) more than you’d like to admit, and before you could remind yourself this was a bad idea, you found yourself blushing and nodding. 

You took the arm he offered, and soon you were cruising through the city street. Leaning back against the expensive leather seats, you could feel a deep tiredness settle into your bones. You fought to stay awake, but as the car’s warmth drifted over you and soft jazz filled your ears, you were soon lulled into dreamland, as Kyungsoo’s car sped towards your destination. 

~*~

Kyungsoo eased to a stop in front of your apartment, happy you had agreed to let him take you home. This was too far from the hotel for you to travel alone. He’d definitely be dropping you off on a regular basis, now that he knew. Not only would it satisfy his concern for your safety, but selfishly, it would also fill his need for you. 

Looking over, he smiled to see you dozing next to him. Turned towards him in sleep, he admired your features in the soft glow of the streetlights. It was so different to see this side of you, so relaxed and serene–a stark contrast to the fast-paced, tenacious dynamite you were in the kitchen. 

You murmured in your sleep and his gaze was drawn to your lips and he wondered what they felt like. His hand hovered inches over lips and he longed to run his thumb across your cupid’s bow. 

His plan was foiled by the blare of a car alarm two blocks down, causing you to startle awake. 

“Kyungsoo! How long have we been sitting here? Why didn’t you wake me?” you admonished, playfully swatting him on the shoulder. 

Truthfully, he’d enjoyed watching you sleep, just being near you was enough to make his heart flutter. But as usual, Kyungsoo played things closer to the vest, not wanting you to know how much you affected him. 

“Should I have carried you up the stairs then, like a gallant knight aiding a fair lady?”

You made a retching sound in your throat. “No, absolutely not. Besides–” you say, your gaze flickering up and down his body, “I have doubts that you’d even be able to get me to the door.” 

Kyungsoo knew it was a joke, but it didn’t stop him from bristling at your words. 

“Ah, that’s where you’d be wrong, ____. You see I lift.”

You quirked a brow in his direction, amusement sparkling in your eyes. “Yeah, lift pans, maybe.” 

“Try me,” he challenged. 

“Okay, you’re on. A piggyback ride all the way up to my apartment. Oh and did I mention I live on the 4th floor?” you added, bursting with glee. 

Looking out the window at your tall apartment building, Kyungsoo found himself regretting his rash words just a bit. He did go to the gym, he hadn’t been lying about that, it was a necessity in his line of work to keep his stamina up. However, he’d never carried an adult human more than a couple of yards at any given time. Puffing up his chest, he knew he’d make it even if it killed him, he had a lady to impress, afterall. 

When Kyungsoo bent down and ushered you on, you hesitantly stepped forward to get into position, sliding your arms around his neck. Up close, the pleasing scent of forest teased your senses and you had to stop yourself from pressing your face into his neck and inhaling the musky scent.

Kyungsoo lifted you with surprising ease, wasting no time before starting the long ascent up the winding staircase.  As he climbed and climbed, Kyungsoo’s breathing quickened and you could tell he was getting winded. His palms were scalding through your pants and you could feel the warmth of him seeping into your skin. When you finally reached your apartment door, Kyungsoo sounded like he was running a marathon. 

“Alright. Here. We Are. I Win.” Kyungsoo said, taking a long breath between each word. 

You held your hands up in defeat. “Okay, okay, I surrender. I was wrong.” 

Being wrong had never, ever felt so right. 

Kyungsoo gently set you back on your feet, before turning to face you. 

“So what’s my prize?”

“Your what?”

“My prize, ____. You challenged me, I won, therefore it’s only fair to receive appropriate compensation.” 

“And what’s your idea of ‘appropriate compensation’?” 

You knew what you wanted him to say, what you wanted him to do. The moment at the bus stop had teased your senses, and now, all you could think about is what it would feel like to have his lips against yours, his strong arms pressing you tight against his body. 

Kyungsoo detected the hint of flirtation in your voice and it chafed against his conscience. Up until now, he’d been able to keep up the light-hearted conversation, continue to play the game, both now and at work, while burning on the inside. The angel on his shoulder told him this was a bad idea, that no good could come from kissing an employee, but the devil on his other whispered about how good it would feel to finally have your lips against his own.

Before he knew it, his body made the choice for him, wanting satisfaction and tired of this constant state of denial. His arms shot out, encircling your waist and pulling you tight against his body. Your eyes widened, narrowing on his lips, and he took that as an invitation to seal his mouth against yours. 

Sinking into Kyungsoo’s warmth, your hands wound around his neck to secure him closer. You sighed into his mouth, tilting your head to the side, squealing at the feel of his tongue teasing your lower lip. Your hands found their way into Kyungsoo’s silky hair, and you tugged him closer, groaning as he sucked your tongue between his lips. The sound of heavy breathing filled the quiet hallway and you wanted nothing more than for him to slide you up the wall and take you out of your misery. 

Kyungsoo’s attention drifted to your neck, allowing you a moment of reprieve to catch your breath. Soft lips moved from your collarbone to just below your ear, alternating between gentle kisses and soft flicks of tongue. Kyungsoo paused to blow lightly on your skin, still wet from his previous care. You shivered at the sudden hot-cold sensation, clutching Kyungsoo’s head closer in a silent bid for more. 

Footsteps echoed in the hallway and the sound of male voices drew closer. You knew those voices: Hyun-min and his posse on the way back from a wild night out.

Forced from your lust-induced haze, you regrettably tore away from Kyungsoo’s lips. Kyungsoo’s stark look of confusion quickly faded as he realized the situation you were about to be in. Shoving the key into the lock, you pushed open the door, pulling Kyungsoo inside in the nick of time. 

As the voices outside faded, you breathed a sigh of relief. The last thing you needed was Hyun-min finding you pressed up against your boss as he sucked on your neck. Not because he’d object, but simply because he’d never let you live it down. 

In the darkened apartment, it was quiet, save for the sounds of late-night traffic drifting through the window and Kyungsoo breathing beside you. Pins and needles ran up and down your spine, your entire body titillated by the sounds of Kyungsoo’s movements in the darkness. Wanting more.

Kyungsoo whispered your name. Yes or no? he silently asked.

When you didn’t respond, he slid his hand along the wall, fumbling for the lightswitch, as if that would bring the answers he sought. 

You had only seconds to make a decision. 

Yes or no? 

A split second decision. You clapped your hand over his, preventing him from flipping the switch. In the darkness, the sweet spell remained, unbroken by obtrusive light. And in the dark, consequences be damned. 

Reaching out, you grabbed Kyungsoo’s hand, softly tugging him further into your apartment.

~*~

Fuck. Chop. Fuck. Chop. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Chop. Chop. Chop. 

Kyungsoo dropped the knife, running his fingers through his hair. Getting on the line usually helped clear his thoughts, but not today. No matter what he tried, his thoughts drifted back to you. It’d been dark when he woke in your bed, so dark his eyelids had practically begged for more sleep. It had been so tempting to wrap you tightly in his arms and remain.

But he had left. 

It wasn’t his style to leave without a word, but he’d been unsure of where you stood. He felt regret with how things had ended–you deserved to wake to a frittata and fresh coffee in bed, not to cold sheets and an empty apartment. 

The back of his neck heated in shame. He’d slept with an employee. This was basic work ethics 101–do not engage in sexual relations with staff members. Cocky it would never happen, he’d let his guard down around you. How could he–

“Something bothering you, Chef?” Hyun-min asked, startling Kyungsoo from his thoughts. 

Kyungoo attempted nonchalance. “No. Why would you think that?”

“Maybe because you’re practically pulverizing the vegetables,” Hyun-min said gesturing knowingly to the cutting board. “Unless gazpacho is now on the menu?” 

Kyungsoo looked down to see finely diced tomatoes, cucumbers, and onions, cut too small for the fresh salad he’d intended to make. 

Hyun-min loaded the remaining vegetables on a tray, carting them away before any further damage could be done. “I swear, you and _____ have it out for my station,” he muttered as he walked away. 

Cut off from his distraction, he was grateful for once when his phone rang. 

“Hello, Nina,” he greeted, closing himself into his office for what would no doubt be a lengthy conversation. 

“Hey, doll. How are ya?” 

“Well, actually Nina–”

“Great, glad to hear it. Listen–Nina came through for you, love. You’re out.”

Kyungsoo frowned. “What do you mean, Nina?”

Nina sighed, talking slowly as if she were explaining it to a toddler. “I mean you’re out of that little restaurant, babe. The network called and the competition show in Europe is a ‘go’. They want you there in two days.” 

Kyungsoo sucked in a breath, trying to digest what he’d just heard. Two days? Nowhere near enough time to tie up loose ends–both with the restaurant and with you. 

“Two days, Nina? That’s–”

“I know, love. It’s an eternity, but what can I do? You have a flight to London tonight, so pack a bag and head to the airport.  I’m sending the tickets to your email now.” 

“Thank you, Nina, but I–”

“No problem, kiddo. Nina’s here for you. Oops, Bobby’s here, gotta run. Talk soon, mwah!”

Before he could get a word in edgewise, the call dropped and she was gone. Kyungsoo vowed to himself that he’d get a new agent when this was all over, someone who actually let him finish sentences once in a while. Or let him have a vacation. Do anything that wasn’t on a schedule. 

By the time he’d packed up his office, the rest of the staff had filtered in, prepping for the long day ahead. A soft knock sounded at the door, drawing his attention. You slipped inside, shutting the door behind you, a look of determination on your face. You turned, walking to stand in front of him with your arms crossed. 

“I have something I want to talk to you about, Chef Do.” you announced, the use of his formal title not lost on him. 

He gestured for you to sit, but you remained firmly where you were. 

“Why did you leave like that?” you whispered, voice low in the off chance anyone was listening outside. “You just left..no note..no text…no nothing. Did it not mean anything to you?”

Your voice cracked at the end, betraying the hurt you’d promised to keep hidden. 

Kyungsoo sighed, running his hands over his face. “No, ____, of course not. But I’m your boss. I crossed a line last night–”

“We crossed a line last night,” you corrected, hurt turning into anger at the insinuation he’d somehow taken advantage of you. “I remember being very much in control last night, Kyungsoo.”  

Watching the hurt blossom in your eyes, Kyungsoo wanted nothing more than to take you in his arms, assure you that last night had been special, a night he’d never forget. 

His phone dinged and he looked down to see an email from his agent, with the tickets for his flight. He had a flight out of here to London tonight and the timing couldn’t have been worse. 

Fuming with righteous indignation, you looked around Kyungsoo’s office, for the first time noting its emptiness. Where pages and pages of notes had dominated its walls, now stood bare. Stacks of cookbooks were packed neatly into brown boxes sitting on the floor. Your heart squeezed at the realization: he was leaving. But why? Surely it couldn’t be because of last night…

“So…that’s it? You’re leaving…just like that?” you said in disbelief. “Was it because of last night?”

Kyungsoo flinched, not liking the hurt in your voice. “No…no absolutely not. My agent called me this morning…the show is on, _____. They’re expecting me in London the day after tomorrow…I have a flight out tonight.”

A roaring noise filled your ears and a tightness filled your chest. What did you say to that? “Congratulations”? “Don’t go”? “What about us”? It all seemed lame in the moment. One thing was sure, however: you wouldn’t be that girl. The girl who simped over a celebrity one-night stand, who expected more when it was never anything beyond casual. 

“Congratulations, Kyungsoo,” you said, a wistful smile on your face. “I’m sure it’ll be amazing.”

“____, about us, I–”

Your eyes started to feel hot. “No, Kyungsoo, don’t worry about it. I know we were just caught up in the moment last night.”

“But I really–”

You shook your head to keep the tears at bay, backing towards the door. “You don’t owe me any kind of explanation, Kyungsoo, I get it. Waking up alone was enough of a clue, so you don’t have to say anything else.”

“Wait–”

“Goodbye, Kyungsoo. I hope you get everything you wanted.” 

You slipped quickly out of the office, not stopping at Kyungsoo’s continued protests. You didn’t want to hear what he had to say. No, it would gut you to hear you were just some hook-up. Better to avoid and save your heart the pain.

Your feet carried through the kitchen and out the door just as tears started to fall. The scent of starch and detergent fumes engulfed you as you fled to the laundry room, the best place at the Crimson Aurora for some good old-fashioned privacy. You stayed there, hidden, not brave enough to face him at the very end. The loud whir of the industrial laundry machines washed out the sound of your tears and then and there you vowed to cleanse your heart of him, like removing a stain from a white sheet. 

~*~

Three months later. 

It still felt weird. Sitting in the office, that is. Your new office. It almost didn’t seem real–so much so you had to pinch yourself to prove it wasn’t a dream. But there it was, written on a shiny, gold desk plate: _____ ________, Head Chef.

You looked out into the bustling kitchen, filled with activity as the staff–your staff–worked hard during dinner rush. Making your dishes. In your kitchen. You still couldn’t believe you were here. Thinking back to that day three months ago, you’d never have guessed what life could bring. 

After hiding out in the laundry as long as humanly possible, you had trudged back to the land of the living, hoping to make it through dinner service so you could go home and have a good old-fashioned ice-cream cry. 

Hyun-min had practically jumped on you when you walked through the kitchen doors, peppering you with questions. Where was Chef Do going? Why were you crying? So many questions it made your head spin. The phone had rung, and you’d been relieved, for once, to be summoned to Manager Kim’s office. 

Being the amazing friend that he was, Hyun-min had insisted you celebrate after hearing the news.  You’d gone out with the kitchen staff that night, dressed to the nines, but without your heart really in it. You felt conflicted–you finally had it, the dream job you always wanted, but it came at the expense of losing something–or someone. 

Kyungsoo’s new television show had started airing, but you couldn’t bring yourself to watch, not willing to be tortured by what you couldn’t have. Luckily, your work kept you busy, at least during the day. It was nights that were harder. You couldn’t escape him, even in your own damn apartment. The stairs, the door, the bed–all reminders of that one unforgettable night before the rug was pulled out from under you. 

A knock on the door disturbed your thoughts and you looked up to see Hyun-min hovering in the doorway, a peculiar expression on  his face. 

“Um, boss? There’s a customer out front who’d like to speak to you…something about overcooked lamb chops…”

“You offered to re-make it, I’m assuming?”

Hyun-min nodded. “Yeah, but they said they wanted to talk to you specifically.”

Telling him you’d be right there, you reluctantly got up from your chair and donned your starched, white chef’s coat. Dealing with a picky customer wasn’t out of the ordinary, but your threshold for dealing with complaints today was at an all-time low. 

“Table 4”, Hyun-min called as you headed through the kitchen and out the doors into the dining room. 

Walking through the busy dining room, you dodged waitstaff and waded through customers, fresh from a matinee musical performance. You approached Table 4 from behind, where a lone male figure was seated. 

Taking a deep breath and pasting your “the customer is always right” smile on your face, you prayed a little sweet talking and a comped glass of wine would be enough to smooth this situation over. 

“Excuse me–” 

Dark brown eyes turned toward you, full lips that you were intimately familiar with parted into a smile.

Kyungsoo. 

You rubbed your eyes, making sure you weren’t just seeing things, that he was really there. What was he doing here? It didn’t make sense. He’d blown into your life, set it on fire, then breezed out, never to be heard from again. In the three months he’d been gone, you hadn’t heard from him once. 

“_____,” he breathed. “I heard you got the head chef job, so I came as soon as I got back from London. I missed you–”

Hearing his voice, your resolve wavered. You cleared your throat, striving to take control of the situation. You were a professional, the chef in charge now, and you wouldn’t let your feelings get the better of you, gosh darn it!

“Hello, sir, I heard from my kitchen staff that you were unhappy with a dish we prepared for you. May I ask what the issue is?”

Kyungsoo’s smile slipped from his face, as though he was surprised, almost disappointed at your reaction. 

Kyungsoo leaned forward, making sure no one could hear him but you. “Can we talk…privately?” 

As Kyungsoo led you into an empty office, he felt a hint of unease. He’d pictured your reunion much differently. In his imaginings, you were overjoyed at the surprise of seeing him, smiling widely before pulling him close for an embrace–the embrace he’d imagined everyday during those long, lonely weeks in Europe. He understood, but it stung all the same. 

Once inside, he walked towards the window, stopping to look out into the bright moonlight, trying to gather his thoughts. You stayed a respectful distance away, looking wary, as though you were about to bolt out the door. 

You waited for Kyungsoo to speak…and waited…but he only continued to look out the window. “Look, Kyungsoo, what is it? I’ve got to head back to work soon.” 

Kyungsoo turned towards you, silhouetted in moonlight, his eyes dark as the sky behind him. 

“I missed you,____. So much. Everyday.”

You snorted. “Sure, Kyungsoo. You missed me. So much so you called me all of zero times. Or did I just miss all those calls and texts you sent me?” 

Kyungsoo shifted between his feet. “I know I messed up, _____. I shouldn’t have just left like that, you deserved better than that.” 

“Yeah, you’re right, Kyungsoo. I did deserve better. You just left without any explanation.” 

Kyungsoo started to speak, but you kept going. 

“I’m not talking about leaving for Europe, Kyungsoo. I understood that part, you had an opportunity and took it. But that morning, you just left my apartment, no note, no explanation, nothing, after we–” you cut off, not wanting to say it aloud. 

Crossing to you, Kyungsoo gripped your shoulders. “I’m sorry, _____. That morning, it killed me to leave. I wanted to make it so good for you, but I was scared.”

You watched as Kyungsoo worried his lower lip. “Scared of what?” you breathed.

“Us. What we did. I was your boss, ____. No matter how much I wanted you, I was disappointed in myself. Then, when I was in Europe, I wondered if you’d even want to hear from me. I was your boss and I took advantage of you, I worried you felt you had no choice–” 

You put your pointer finger against his lips, cutting him off before he could finish what he was going to say. 

“Kyungsoo, I appreciate the concern, but I’m not a baby. I chose to invite you in, I chose to let you kiss me. For god’s sake, we were stone cold sober, so it’s not like we can even blame the alcohol. You didn’t force me to do anything, okay?”

He nodded and you removed your finger from his lips. 

“For what it’s worth, I thought you deserved a frittata. If I could do that night over, I’d have made you the most delicious breakfast you’d ever had and served it to you in bed.” 

“Well…I guess next time, I’ll be holding you to that, then.” 

Kyungsoo looked up, his mouth forming an “o”. “Next time?” he whispered. 

“Yeah, next time,” you said, a small smile lighting up your face. 

Kyungsoo slid his hands from your shoulders to cup your cheeks. “So…you forgive me?” he said, hopefully. 

“Yeah, I forgive you. You made some dumb decisions, but hey, at least you’re still cute.”

Kyungsoo pinched your cheeks in revenge, immediately stroking the reddened skin to soothe the burn. 

“So, what are you going to do now that you’re back?” you asked, turning serious again. 

“I actually leased a restaurant just a few streets over,” he said sheepishly. “I finally did it, got my own place.”

“So…you were really here to check out the competition, eh?” you said, shooting him a grin. “What did you think?”

Moving his hands to your waist, Kyungsoo pulled you against him, your faces just inches apart. 

“The lamb chops were a little overdone,” he said with a wink. 

You scoffed. “Shut up, Kyungsoo. Don’t you have anything better to do with those lips? Like kissing me, perhaps?” 

“Much better,” he said, joining your mouths together at last. 

As your lips clashed, you soaked in the feeling of being in Kyungsoo’s arms again. You certainly hadn’t expected today to end this way. That Kyungso was here to stay was even more of a surprise, in a restaurant of his own not four blocks away. Once again, you were competitors, though this time on equal footing. 

As they said, “keep your friends close and enemies closer,” and this enemy, you’d enjoy keeping very, very close. 

~*~

Thank you so much for reading Flames of Attraction! I hope you enjoyed it and if you did, please re-blog for others to find! And please support the other amazing creators on the Crimson Aurora Hotel & Spa project. @myeoning-call @leewalberg @yourkeeperoftherunners @taem-min @ouvuo @dreamylittlesugarcube @jxstadaydreamer @xiubaek-13 @yourkeeperoftherunners @ninibears-erigom and @sojuri

XOXO, 

Emmy

[blu-joons]

Comforting Him After The Grammys ~ BTS Reaction

Jin:

As the winner was read out, you could see by the look in Jin’s eyes that he was disappointed, forcing a smile onto his face. “There’s always next year.”

Your head shook at his words, no matter how hard he tried to be alright about things in front of you. “It’s alright to be upset you didn’t win.”

His eyes glanced across at you brightly, “I’m not upset, it’s just the Grammys, there’s plenty of others.”

“But you guys had dreamt about a Grammy.”

“One day,” he whispered.

You moved across the room to take a seat beside him at his desk, “this is still your first nomination, you’ll get plenty more. Just don’t feel like you have to force the smile that’s on your face.”

“I don’t want to let it get to me,” he assured you, leaning his head against your shoulder, “they don’t deserve to make me upset, it’s not worth it.”

“If it makes you feel any better, from where I’m sitting, you guys should have definitely won,” you joked, drawing a laugh out of him.

His lips pressed to the top of your head, “that certainly does make me feel better, as long as I’m a winner in your eyes at least.”

“You’re a winner in my eyes every single day Jin.”

Yoongi:

The expression on his face was blank, turning the television off as soon as their category was passed. “At least that’s one less thing to worry about.”

His dismissive attitude took you by surprise as you watched him closely. “Just like that? Aren’t you sad that you’ve not got your Grammy?”

His head shook back at you, “why should I be? It doesn’t matter, we don’t need a Grammy anyway.”

“You’ve dreamt of getting a Grammy Yoongi.”

“I used to,” he sighed.

Your eyes closed as he moved back across the bed to lay beside you. “I know there’s been a lot of drama and hurt between you guys and the Grammys, but it was still your dream don’t forget.”

“Like the fans always say, the Grammys needed us tonight, and if we’ve not the award, then I don’t care about it,” he tried to assure you.

“I’m going to trust in you in that case,” you frowned, still not quite convinced, “but just know that you still have years to chase your dreams.”

He nodded his heard at your advice, “most of my dreams have already come true, one failing really isn’t going to be the end of the world.”

“Don’t give up on it just yet, you never know Yoongi.”

Hoseok:

His footsteps were slow as he allowed you to drag him through the dorm and into his bedroom where his awards sat. “Why have you brought me in here?”

You pointed to the many trophies that were on his shelves, “because I want you to see that one award doesn’t change how amazingly successful you are.”

His eyes flickered across them all, “I know you’ve brought me here to try and get me to feel better.”

“Of course, because I don’t want you to be upset.”

“I’m not,” he argued.

Your head shook instantly at his defensive response. “You’ve barely said a word all night, when you’ve lost categories before you’ve never been this hard on yourself, and I know it’s because it’s a Grammy.”

“Who wouldn’t want a Grammy?” He propositioned, “all of us let our heads get too big after we got nominated and guessed we’d win.”

“You didn’t get too big at all,” you sighed, taking a hold of his hand, “every artist has to back themselves, no matter the occasion.”

His eyes met yours as you glanced across at him, “I guess we have done well for ourselves throughout the years, without the Grammys.”

“You’ve done incredibly well, don’t be hard on yourself.”

Namjoon:

As you watched Namjoon walk around the room, you could tell he was keeping it together for everyone else. As he walked over to you, he knew you were watching. “I’m fine.”

Your head shook, encouraging him to sit down at your side. “Stop trying to smile through your frustrations for the sake of everyone else Joon.”

His eyes closed for a few moments, “I’m fine, really, I have to be strong for all of the others too.”

“That’s where you’re wrong Namjoon.”

“Am I?” He frowned.

Your head nodded instantly at his question, “no expects you to be the leader all of the time. Tonight, has been tough on you all, I think everyone here could understand if you were gutted.”

“I don’t want to be gutted though,” he continued to vent, “I have no reason to be gutted over something that really is so small in our careers.”

“The Grammys are huge, don’t try and deny it,” you frowned, “you’ve said it yourself that it’s bigger, not just for you as BTS either.”

He glanced across to look at you, “maybe the world isn’t ready for us just yet, or the critics, other artists, I just don’t know.”

“Well, they’re the ones who are missing out.”

Jimin:

He made no attempt to hide the frown on his face when he realised that they hadn’t won, glancing across at you. “I can’t say I’m surprised to be honest.”

You smiled weakly across at him, “I can tell that you’re disappointed Jimin, there’s no need to brush it aside as if it’s all nothing.”

He shrugged, “of course, I’m slightly disappointed, maybe we just hyped ourselves up too much.”

“I don’t think you guys did that at all.”

“You don’t think?” He asked.

Your head nodded, moving into his side, “everything pointed at you guys as the winners, I don’t really get how you’ve not won either. I didn’t think that any of the songs could compare to yours.”

“I think that’s why I’m so confused,” he admitted, leaning against your head, “we’d ran away and thought we had it in the bag from all the charts and data.”

“Maybe there’s something they do that you guys just don’t know about,” you suggested, trying to pick up his mood, “otherwise it makes no sense.”

A loud groan of annoyance came from him, “I don’t care anyway, if they think that the other songs are better, then I think that they’re wrong.”

“They’re definitely wrong, they don’t see how talented you are.”

Taehyung:

His head nodded as he appeared back in his bedroom where you were sat waiting for him. “Oh, well,” he sighed, taking a seat on his bed beside you.

Your arm snaked carefully around his waist, “how are you feeling about it all?” You asked, smiling as he shrugged back at you.

He let go of another sigh, “we’ve got plenty of time ahead of us to still win a Grammy just yet.”

“You’ve got the whole world ahead of you.”

“Exactly,” he giggled.

You could tell immediately how proud he was trying to be in front of you. “Maybe this time the timing just wasn’t right, but I think a lot more people know of you now, even if it’s just a nomination.”

“We shouldn’t be letting our whole careers revolve around one award anyway,” he admitted, trying to keep himself composed, “there’s bigger things.”

“It would have still been nice,” you mused, running your hand through his hair, “but one trophy doesn’t represent who you guys are.”

His head nodded back at you, “you’re right, we’ve all got cabinets full of awards, missing out on one isn’t going to make too big of a difference.”

“You’ll get it one day, when the time is right for you.”

Jungkook:

As soon as you opened up your phone, you were unsurprised to see thousands of comments from the fans. “I’m guessing they’re not happy?”

You nodded back at Jungkook as he too glanced down at your phone, “they’re not happy in the slightest, and making their opinions well known.”

His smile grew, “I know that the army always has our backs, even if something doesn’t go our way.”

“You’ve still got a lot to be proud about.”

“I am,” he vowed.

You leaned across and pressed a kiss against his cheek, “the fans are still with you as well, so I don’t think you’ve got to worry about them either, even if they are a little angry right now.”

“Sometimes it feels like they care more than we do,” he acknowledged, “we’re alright about things, but it seems they’ve all taken it to heart.”

“That’s because they know how deserving the seven of you are,” you reminded him, “and you’re always winning with them.”

His head nodded in agreement with you, “one day we’ll be able to win a Grammy for the fans, and everyone who supports us.”

“I have no doubt in my mind that you will too.”

---

Masterlist

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

Three Asks

It’s been a while since we answered some asks so today and maybe tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow, we’ll collect some and answer them since we’ve gotten while a few in the last two or three weeks.

In today’s post I picked out the three most recent asks we’ve received, two of which are ones I’d usually just delete because answering is pointless but one of them showcased a popular pattern so we decided to reply just this once. So this time around the questions are about Namjoon and Seokjin, next time we’ll do ones about Tae and Jimin (and vmin), and so on.

Ask 1 - Did Namjoon have to bring up the criticism he received in 2015/16 in the Juju Chang interview?

Ask 2 and 3 - questions from either diet solos (someone who isn’t quite a solo stan just yet but exhibits the same thought patterns as solos do) or full on solo stans.

From anon: So you must have seen their interview alongside the President right on a news show? Most of it was fine and I liked how involved they were especially JK, but a point Namjoon made is what I'm kinda dicey about. He addressed that they were called out for WoH lyrics but the thing is I'm not sure if it needed to be brought up. Especially in American media and the way they contextualize things..

Obviously he meant that they grew from it but not sure if that was the way to put it I guess?

I will admit, there aren’t many times when asks that get sent to us annoy me, but this one in conjunction with the absolute nonsense that took place about this on twt just made my blood boil. Let’s look at the question and answer so we have full context when it comes to the interview and then, after that, we’ll look at the greater context of why Namjoon saying what he did is significant and a big deal.

Juju Chang: You guys are an all male band and, let’s face it, Korea, historically, has been a very male dominated culture and yet here at the UN one of the core values in Sustainable Development is educating women and having gender equality. You have a lot of female fans. What would you say to them about gender equality and working towards that?

Namjoon: Personally, I received a lot fo criticism regarding misogyny in 2015 and 2016, which led me to get my lyrics reviewed by a women’s studies professor. That experience, in turn, was an opportunity for me to self-reflect and question whether I’d been insensitive toward gender equality. I want to do the best I can to take interest in the topic, learn and make improvements. That’s my perspective now. 

Namjoon used a personal story as framework to showcase that even someone like him, a man in a position of power/influence from a country which, as the interviewer explained, is very male dominated can learn, grow and, in the long run, contribute to change. It takes tremendous bravery to do something like this, to not only admit that you made such a mistake, but also to take it and grow from it, take the time to reflect and strive to better yourself to never repeat it again. And also talk about doing so not only during an international broadcast but also while your own president sits right there next to you.

Perhaps there are a relatively big number of countries in the west where equality is much closer to being a reality, where it is a core value to respect woman, one that you are raised with, but here the context was specifically BTS and their background, their country and their culture. From K-ARMY we know that things have taken a turn for the worse in Korea when it comes to women’s rights and the behavior of men toward them, how feminism is treated essentially as a dirty word and you will get hunted down for using it or for behaving in a feminist manner. Namjoon himself was placed on some list made by misogynists labeling him as a dirty, dirty feminist. The same men who even went after the military to get them to stop using a hand gesture which could, if you really want to, be used to make fun of a man for a small d*ck. In polls men in their 20s and 30s have voted being against feminism and I don’t mean just like 10 or 20% of voters, but rather 50-70%, even some presidential candidates have apparently been revealed as anti-feminists.

Circling back to Namjoon, having this context, do you now get why it was a big thing for him to say this, why it makes him a role model and why it was important to do so? Besides this isn’t just about the WoH lyrics which, to be frank, were never an actual issue but instead were made into one (the line I know that usually get’s brought up most is “The girls are equations, and us guys are solutions” which, if you think about it, actually means that boys and girls are equal since 2+5=7, the equation and the solution are the same, and also the song is satire about hormonal boys and their behavior which people have decided to ignore for the sake of sitting on their high horses instead). Namjoon wasn’t even the only member credited for the lyrics yet he took the blame upon himself, used this to better himself even though we know 2015 was an extremely dark time for him. But he is the leader, he took responsibility and he grew from it. He stands as example of how change is possible even in a country that is male dominated and misogynistic.

From anon: Reading your post about My universe I can’t but be heavy hearted. 

It’s such a beautiful song but Jin not having almost any lines ruined the experience for me. He deserves so much more than being a mere backup vocal. Same goes to Jimin but I’m not as effected as Jin, since we’ve all seen a pattern there. 

We know the boys decide collectively decide LD and how it fits their personalities and voices but I can’t but feel icky about Dynamite, not today, BS&T and now MY. 

I truly hope this doesn’t continue and BH decides to respect Jin more as an artist. He’s one of the biggest reasons the group is where it is now.

Though I can’t say with 100% certainty that this comes from someone that has consumed too much solo stan “content”, it does very much feel like it and the only reason why I’m even answering this is that I’d like to highlight something, a pattern we've seen a million times over for years now in regard to line distribution but that is even more glaring and flawed in this case, after we’ve seen how My Universe was recorded:

“We know the boys collectively decide” and yet “and BH decides to respect Jin more”, with this you’re basically saying that you know all the members, including Seokjin, are involved BUT since giving him and the others slack for it would make you look bad, you instead throw blame at BH, which in this case had no say in the line distribution. That choice was Christ Martin’s to make. If you already complain about line distribution, at least have the guts to direct your hate at the people you just said yourself make the choice--the members. Solos already belittle Seokjin’s efforts as it is, and constantly demand an acting debut of him which basically, to me, just comes across as them wanting him to act because they don’t value his singing and music, so would it be really that farfetched for them to also hate on him for, what, not speaking up and demanding more to satisfy you?

Seokjin was so happy and excited while recording My Universe, while meeting Chris Martin, someone he’s admired and been a fan of for so long. He gave his best while recording and sounded absolutely marvelously, and yet instead of celebrating him, his voice, and what we do hear of him, you just focus on the negatives.

BH isn’t perfect by any means, don’t even try to come into our asks calling me a company stan or whatever because I’m far from it, but in this case they had nothing to do with it. Coldplay and Chris Martin did. We saw all the members record the chorus, and we heard it, we saw and heard Seokjin sing absolutely beautifully and get praise for it, and we saw how happy this collab has made him. Why can’t you just let this be a happy time, why must you immediately search for things to be negative about?

Would I have liked so hear more of his voice on My Universe? Obviously, I even said as much in my post about the song. I love Seokjin and his voice a lot, he is my bias wrecker for a reason. But the song has already happened, been recorded, mastered, and released. What will a negativity parade change? What? Absolutely nothing except for make him feel bad because you can’t just say “Seokjin did amazingly, I love his voice”, no, you have to go around yelling “OMG he is being cut from the song because BH hates him”. What does that do for him? Like really, tell me, because I don’t get it.

And if my opinion isn’t valid enough for you, it is, after all, just an opinion, take Seokjin’s opinion about the collab instead:

Or asks such as this one:

From anon: I honestly can’t wait for Seokjin to go solo one day. Go where he’s appreciated for his talents and musicality, not cuz he’s just a “hyung” or “comic relief” or “WWH”.

Where, tell me, has he ever expressed an interest in going solo? No, I’m serious, where, because all I know is that he is happy with his members, with what he does, that he enjoys making music and getting more involved than he used to. Just the other day during the interview with Juju Chang he spoke about how he misses the old times where he could go for soju and food with Yoongi to spend some time together.

And just a few years before that Yoongi said that Seokjin has been good from the beginning, and there are tons of other examples of the members praising Seokjin in terms of his voice and musicality. When he was going through burnout last year, Bang PD encouraged him to channel his thoughts and feelings into music, recommended him a producer he thought work well with him, and Seokjin said it really did help him. And we got Abyss as result from it all, a gorgeous and raw song. 

Yes, he gets praise for being a good hyung, because guess what, he is a good hyung. Maybe for you that’s not good enough, but he’s proud of it, has always taken the fact that he’s the eldest seriously even when goofing around with his members. How is that a bad thing?

Seokjin loves his members and they love him. Seokjin loves ARMY and we love him back tenfold. Just because solos hate the members and aren’t satisfied with Seokjin, how is that my issue or even his? If you’re a genuine fan of his, support his hard work, support all his contributions to BTS’ music, their performances, their dancing, and everything else. Because he is part of BTS regardless if you like it or not, and as far as we are aware, he doesn’t plan on changing that any time soon, or at all. 

[fuwushiguro]

hope you're having a great day luxe <3

i know that you probably get a ton of asks about wusyaname and maybe its a bit tiring to read about it but you dont understand how much i love the dynamic. mean!megumi?? nobody writes him like you do. im genuinely in love with your writting style. i love how reader is a torn between yuji and megumi. i love how reader is trying to convince herself of possibly feelings shes trying to deny all while trying her best in staying loyal to yuji- who- doesnt have contact with her for a while (up until the latest chapter(s) AND megumi is kind of warming up to her(WHICH WAS AMAZINGLY WRITTEN) and honestly, im not sure what to think about wusyaname!megumi now cuz as much as i wanna love him hes just done so many things man 😭 and also can we talk about the pacing? literally perfect. absolutely, genuinely, perfect. one issue i have with reading is i cant seem to find the fics with good pacing. its either too slow or too fast-paced. and wow, yours though? it had my CAPTIVATED and gripping my seat for the next chapter istg. im so happy with how all your works turn out. and not only do i love wusyaname, i thoroughly enjoyed you deserve roses and you know this ohhh lord i cannot tell you how good this was. literally brought me to tears. i know this was a little while ago but i still think about it daily <3 it was so beautifully written, you have the hands of angels i swear. your writting literally cured my acne and made my lactose intolerance go away. that fr tho had me crying and sliding down my wall. i dont know why i torture myself with cheating fanfics it HURTS man but i am so happy i read the ones you wrote because i got a taste of fucking HEAVEN. and the one sentence that went like "he was yours before his wife came" (i know its not exact) had my heart hurting man. i was literally sobbing why do i do this to myself 😭 it was so fucking deep and quite literally made me cry, oh my God, that was heavenly luxe. you are the most talented writter ever, i swear.

thank you luxe for everything you do please have an amazing day/night/evening <33 (also i saw your rb on sending long messages lol i finally have the courage to write this now <3)

wusyaname asks are pretty much the only ones i get about my fics which is always welcome i love talking about it so i dont mind if u wanna come here and gush over it hehe, gives me a reason to keep writing it! i dont even remember how i got the idea for bully megumi and this entire series but ive been writing it for over a year now and im so glad i decided to continue writing and that so many people have stuck with it and are still reading it to this day 🥺

but O M G that toji fic killed me!! another one i loved writing since it was based on a dream so im glad i have that fic to remember it in a weird way? like, it was a horrible dream where I woke up crying but it's cool that I dreamt about my absolute fave it was v cool in a way. its v v v emotional I definitely added a lot more plot into the fic but the dream was a bit different and just SO emotional wow.............

but omg thank you so much for your praise im not sure i deserve it tbh but i appreciate it so much! thank you for sending me such a sweet and beautiful ask it means the world to me, truly. feel free to send an ask whenever u wanna chat or anything pls dont be shy i dont bite <3

[eleanorbloom]

Braiding (Bryce & Eleanor)

I comissioned the amazingly talented @misadrawss​​​  to bring to art one of the cutest scenes in my series When You're Ready (One of my favorite and I know it's a fave in some of my beautiful readers too ❤️❤️❤️)

Misa, thank you so much for the dedication and love you gave to make this piece happen. I'm beyond grateful and happy with your work. The cuteness of my babies is just 😍😍😍😍😍

This takes place the evening when Eleanor gets out of the quarantine room, and Bryce pampers her by helping her getting a shower and get dressed.  As if it wasn't enough, he also braids her hair.

Under the cut there's a little rewrite of that scene in chapter 18 only with more details than the original scene.

Taglist @utterlyinevitable​​    @starrystarrytrouble​​ @lahellacute​​ @lucy-268​​  @cinnamonspongecake​​ @romewritingshop​​ @freckles-spangledvampire​​ ​@mercury84choices​​ ​  @curiousconch​​ ​ @thegreentwin @openheartfanart​​​

Eventually, Eleanor gave up her dream of remaining as a koala forever and returned to her feet.

Bryce took the shampoo and massaged her scalp softly and dedicatedly, his fingers tracing small circles all over her head in the most soothing way. She couldn’t help but moan at the relaxing sensation. His hands were magical in so many ways.

After she rinsed the shampoo, he helped her clean some parts of her body she couldn’t reach, like her back, her calves, and toes, as she wasn’t feeling strong enough to balance herself to do it. He didn’t waste an opportunity to tease her, of course, both playfully and invitingly: tickling her at the bottom of her feet, massaging her breasts or cupping her bum, until she was all cleaned.  

Once he dried himself up and put his clothes on, he helped Eleanor getting out of the shower and took her back to the room.

At first, she tried to dress up by herself, but the shower had relaxed her so much, that Eleanor finally gave up, letting Bryce taking care of her as he wanted.

Even if she was feeling a little sleepy, that didn’t stop her from feeling amazed with his dedication and the tenderness with whom he was pampering her.

First, he dried her skin delicately, and then helped her to put on her underwear. Then, his soft hands started spreading ever so softly body lotion over her arms and legs, and then massaged her back so exquisitely, that after a while she wondered if she was actually dead and that was heaven.  

Once she was all moisturized and dressed in a mint green pajama, he took the towel wrapped around her head and began combing her hair delicately, careful of not pull out her hair too harshly while he was untangling her brown, wavy locks.

“Gosh, you could be a stylist or a massagist, and you’d do it wonderfully,” Eleanor moaned, a few minutes later, while his fingers were combing her hair as Bryce was directing the hairdryer to the nape of her head.

"Of course, I’d be wonderful in anything I pursue, especially with these magic hands.”

After five minutes, her hair was completely dry, “Ponytail or braid?” he asked, stroking her hair.

“Braid.” Eleanor responded.

She was about to lift her hands to make herself a braid when Bryce added, “French or normal?”

“Frenc-” she turned around with her mouth agape, “Wait, besides all your many talents, you also know how to braid?”

“Yeah, you didn’t know?" he asked, looking at her with a smirk on his face before sitting behind her on the bed, his feet at both side of her hips.

"No! When did you learn?”

“When Keiki was like… four?” Bryce replied as he was dividing her hair into three sections with his pinky finger. "She’s always been bossy, you know? And one day after a day at the beach her braid was a mess, so she said: Bryze, fixit! You’re a grown-up, you shud know how to braid hair...” he couldn't help but laugh at the memory, shaking his head in amusement, "And of course, she was right! How incompetent of me not knowing how to braid hair, right? Especially since I had a little sister with very long hair.”

Meanwhile, Bryce was moving his hands and fingers with assured movements, bringing small pieces of her hair to the main three sections of the braid, always with the help of his pinky fingers.

“Awww, love, this is so cute! Little Keiki asking for a braid. I’m melting.”

“Yes. She loved when I braided her hair. At first it was just the normal, lower braid, but then, she stopped asking mom or the lady who worked as maid in our house to braid her hair and started to go directly to me, mostly during vacations or weekends, so I had to learn the French way. More elegant and beach resistant.”

“And you know more styles?”

“No. Just that two, but maybe I could try the Dutch, that it’s just reversed French, I think.”

“Well, the fact that you know more styles says a lot. A real connoisseur.”

“Just the basics, but I’m open to try new styles if you ask me to.”

Eleanor giggled as a little kid, “Deal”

A couple of minutes later, Bryce took the hair bun from his wrist and used it to secure the end of the braid, “There, my princess. All done,” he announced, kissing the crown of her head.

Eleanor brought a hand to her head and felt how her hair was strongly sewed in a braid pattern from her head to the end of her brown hair, and turned to him "This is perfect.”

“Why the tone of surprise?” he inquired, with feigned seriousness, “Of course it’s perfect! I don’t do anything that’s below perfection.”

“I know, I’m just admiring your beautiful work, love.”

Suddenly he pulled her shoulders towards his body and propped her up in his arm and brought a hand to her cheek and caressed it with his thumb, “You look beautiful, babe.”

“Thanks to you, my personal stylist”

------

Thanks you so much for reading this!

I know I haven't replied the kind comments some of you have left in the lastest works I've posted. I'M SORRY.  I'm currently not at home, so I don't have the time nor the space to write the proper replies, and I like to take the time to respond just as you've taken the time to comment ❤️❤️❤️ I hope I can do it in a couple of days. Thank you for your patience 💕

I had this pre-written/ edited with a few weeks in advance.

A big hug to each and every one of you❤️❤️❤️

[muffledcries]

Jahmil French (July 29, 1991 – March 1, 2021)

We worked together on Soundtrack, and every single time you entered the room we all felt it get brighter. You were shiny, magnetic and so so kind. RIP and fly with the angels Jah. – JENNA DEWAN Really hate that this is real. @JahmilFrench you will be missed my friend. Thank you for your talents that pushed me, your energy that kept our little family on @soundtracknetflix glued together. I’m happy I was able to get to know you. Our work together def made an impact on me & You and your Mom felt like family back home. Today and everyday we will remember you and continue to be inspired to live and be great for you. Rest In Peace Jah. – CHRISTINA MILLIAN Honestly been at a loss for words since I heard the news. This doesn’t feel real. Jahmil, was one of the most talented actors I’ve ever worked with. One of the funniest kindest people I ever met. The life of the party, every room he would walk into he would always be dancing and making people laugh and smile. Too many good memories. Thank you Jahmil. Rest In Peace King. – AJ SAUDIN Heartbroken over the loss of our friend Jahmil French. We started on Degrassi the same year and I’ll never forget the day I met him. Jahmil was so full of energy and absolute joy to be around. The video on the last slide is how I always think of him, always dancing. He was such a special person and I’m so grateful for the memories we made. I still can’t believe it. Gone way too soon. He will be so missed by us all. – ANNIE CLARK My heart is so heavy.. Truly one of a kind. Rest In Peace. – CRISTINE PROSPERI I’m sick with the news of Jahmil’s passing. He performed Dave with such sensitivity and thoughtfulness and could make me laugh so easily. It was a pleasure to work with him and he will be missed. This is a real loss. Rest In Peace. – STEFAN BROGREN Jahmil had such talent and charisma that it would have been intimidating were he not also a real gentleman. He would show up to my house-parties with a crew of dancers and they would elevate the mood immediately. When life got messy he would handle himself with grace and levity. He was precocious. And his love for music (and dance) was contagious. He showed me Section 80 by Kendrick Lamar, made me appreciate Drake’s Houston sound… Wish I’d gotten the chance to catch up with him one more time, hear where his mind/dreams were at. – SAM EARLE Jahmil, your talents and energy will never be forgotten. One of the best smiles with the most beautiful soul. Jahmil, you will always be such a bright light in this world. – SARAH FISHER This one really hurts. Jahmil French was a truly kind soul and one of the most talented actors around. He inspired me with his confidence and support from the first day we met and will continue to do so forever. Thank you for everything you gave to this world through both your art and your humanity. Rest In Peace my friend. – CRAIG ARNOLD Much love to the entire Degrassi family on this difficult day. It was a complete honour to write for and work with Jahmil, an incredible actor and talent gone way too soon. – RAMONA BARCKERT An extraordinary talent and a bright light on and off screen. Rest in peace, Jahmil. – MICHAEL GRASSI So sad to hear about the passing of Degrassi cast-member Jahmil French. An endlessly talented & charming performer who was always fun to write for. Last time I saw him, he was nominated for a CSA for his work in the movie Boost and I was certain he was only getting started. RIP. – MATT HUETHER Jahmil was always such a kind person. My heart is heavy for him and his family. Thanks for all the good memories Jahmil, you really had an impact. I’ll cherish all the fun we had dancing at basement parties all those years ago. Still in shock. Jahmil will be missed. He was an integral part of the Degrassi family and certainly a huge part of my degrassi days. He always wanted to make people laugh and smile, a true joy to be around. Rest in Peace. – CHLOE ROSE Rest easy, my friend. Your talent, kindness and shining bright light will never be forgotten. – JESSICA TYLER Wanted to pay my respects to an incredibly kind, funny, and talented individual; Jahmil French. One of the first people I met on Degrassi, he immediately made me feel welcome. He disarmed you with a smile and his confidence and energy was infectious. You’ll be missed, brother. – DYLAN EVERETT Jahmil was one of the most gifted and effortless performers I’ve ever met. His vibrant personality lit up the room. Rest easy my friend. – MUNRO CHAMBERS I am heartbroken to hear about the loss of Jahmil. Jahmil was an extraordinary talent and a bright light on and off the screen. He was a joy to work with on Degrassi: The Next Generation. He brought an authenticity and burst of life to every scene he was in and infused his character ‘Dave’ with an airy lightness. Off screen Jahmil would always make me smile. He will be deeply missed. – LINDA SCHUYLER My heart goes out to the entire Degrassi community., but particularly of course to those who were closest with Jahmil. We have lost one of our own. Jahmil was kind, intelligent, extremely talented, and just a wonderful person. He was also of course an incredible dancer, and since I am the exact opposite we had a running joke that I had taught him all his dance moves. When I would completely ineptly do the Moonwalk, Jahmil would cheer me on, while everyone else would beg me to stop! RIP Jahmil French, your soul and presence are sorely missed. – STEPHEN STOHN A sad day for the Degrassi family. With a heavy heart I thank you for all the times you made me laugh, taught me dance moves, and gave me confidence as Adam. Thinking of all the memories we shared on and off of set. - JORDAN TODOSEY Thinking of Jahmil French & the entire Degrassi family today click here for the full post - LYLE LETTAU This one hurts me deeply. When I found out yesterday I refused to believe it! I wouldn’t except it and to be honest I still don’t quite believe it’s real. I love you and the energy between us was always genuine. Working with you was always a blast and you were always the coolest man in the room. Till we meet again my friend. – CORY LEE Terribly sad to hear about Jahmil’s passing. Whether I was his scene partner, or just a viewer, I was in awe of his sheer talent. A room was brighter because he was in it. A true performer, a great guy and a huge loss. #RestInPeace – JUSTIN KELLY I’m so shocked and saddened to hear this news about Jahmil. Jahmil was and is such a kind, fun loving, hilarious, full of life, hard working and professional person. He was my first real scene partner on a series I got to be a series regular on. I remember the day my agent sent me the casting for Degrassi. It said I would be playing Dave Turners love interest. So the first thing I did was pull up the good ol IMDB machine and find out who Jahmil French was. The same day as my audition a few mere hours later I got the call that the role was mine (pretty rare in this industry) I went in to do my fitting and thats when I met Jahmil, Spencer and AJ for the first time as they played an iconic trio on the show. They were all super friendly and nice to me and made me feel very welcomed to be joining the cast. I was nervous and 15 at the time. Jahmil was the integral glue that held the circle together and its would lead to an amazing friendship that I got to have with Spencer. I had only been slated to do 3 episodes on the show but I believe it was the on screen chemistry Jahmil and I had that lead me to stick around for longer. Jahmil always had a smile on his face. I would come in at 5am for our call to do prep and be so tired, but there he was hanging out in the green room dancing so full of energy and life. Jahmil LOVED dancing and he was really good at it too. And I’d ask him “How do you even have this much energy this early LOL” and he’d just laugh and smile. Any time we went down to block he’d be word perfect on his lines, hit every mark and bring such an amazing professionalism to the set it was mesmerizing to watch. He played every scene with a new beat that always kept it interesting and fresh. Jahmil was and still is such a kind hearted dedicated person who eventually really went on to flourish in his career and he will be deeply missed. Heaven really gained a new angel today, Rest In Peace and say hey to all the other pals up there. Spencer and I will pour one out for you - ALEXX BENOIT Rest in peace my guy. An amazingly talented actor who had such a presence on and off screen. – DEMETRIUS JOYETTE Jahmil was such a wonderful person to be around. so funny, so charismatic, so talented. and my god he loved his work. I’m devasted. Sending my love to his friends and family. In a year full of grief, it’s hard to comprehend how there can be room for more. And yet. Jahmil French was an incredible person, so full of talent and passion for his work. He lit up a room with his energy and dance moves. An easy smile and a natural charisma. He will be so missed. My heart is broken. I feel strange, announcing these things I wish I had told him more often. Reached out more often. The regret is acute. He deserved his flowers when he was here. I hope he knew how much love & admiration there was for him in this world. – AISLINN PAUL One of the most talented, kind hearted, funny spirits I’ve had the pleasure of building a friendship with. Jahmil is an icon. My love for him runs deep. Jahmil you will always hold such a special place in my heart. Thank you for being one of the most talented, compassionate, kindest, funniest friends I have. You were so loved. I’ll miss our dance offs. #Bhandurner forever. Jah literally won the title of most competitive goofball. What joy he brought to my life and to so many. So grateful for memories and deep convos with you, beautiful angel. Blessed that we got to be part of a big dysfunctional family together. Thank you for sharing your gift with the world. I just hope you knew how loved you were. I learnt so much working with this talented dedicated soul. Please send a prayer for his soul to go directly toward the light. – MELINDA SHANKAR Such a beautiful soul & a light to everyone around him. Rest in Paradise Jahmil. – JOELLE FARROW This moment will live in my mind forever. A beautiful soul, thank you for the years of memories and laughter. You’re a light my brother and I’m so happy we got to experience this crazy life together. I’ll always remember you dancing down the halls of the green room. Rest In Peace. – LUKE BILYK I’m devasted. My man, I swear I was just thinking about you not even a few days ago when I was making my new demo reel, watching all the old Degrassi episodes. So talented. So unbelievably wise beyond your years. You made one of the best times of my life even better. I’m so crushed. I should have called you. I dont deserve to miss you as much as I do now. I would always say my favourite actor on the show was Mr. Jahmil French. I would always watch his parts when going thru Degrassi material to either study my tech or to cut demos or whatever else. Not 4 days ago was I daydreaming about making some kind of new production with all of those talented people. My hearts broken. – DANIEL KELLY Jahmil was always the brightest light in the room. Smiling, dancing and making all of us laugh till we cried. Rest In Peace you beautiful soul. You will be missed… - ALICIA JOSIPOVIC This is absolutely heartbreaking. While I never worked directly with Jahmil on Degrassi, our paths did cross a few times. All you needed was 5 minutes with him to realize what a beautiful, talented, bright soul he was. My sincerest condolences to his family and loved onces. Rest In Peace Jahmil French. – ANA GOLJA Shocked & saddened to hear of Jahmil’s passing. Loss of such a talented and bright soul. Rest in Power cuz, I’ll pour one out for you, am so wishing this was a dream. – JAJUBE MANDIELA I join thousands of people around the world thinking about Jahmil today. A beautiful, joyful person to be on set with, truly intimidating on the dance floor, an all-around wonderful person to have known, gone just way, way too soon. Sending love to everyone who loved him. Jahmil, I hope you feel it too. – CHARLOTTE ARNOLD I didn’t know Jahmil very well, but in the few times we met, he was so explosively kind, charismatic and truly interested and invested in every interaction. I immediately felt accepted and got a sense of the deep compassion that so many others had expressed was within him. The impression I had always stuck with me and from all I have heard he was such a beautiful and loving person, the special kind that makes everything a little lighter. Thank you to everyone who has been sharing stories of their time with him. Sending love to Jahmil and all of you. – ERIC OSBORNE Jahmil was such a special human. A long-time acting student of mine, & my mentee. He was fearless and brilliant in his pursuit, and I’m so sad we won’t get to see more of his gift. I’m so grateful to have crossed paths with him, and I wish him eternal peace. – SALVATORE ANTONIO So sad to hear of Jahmil’s passing. He was so kind and so funny. I’m glad I had the chance to know him. You will be missed. Rest in Power Jahmil. Gone too soon. Will never be forgotten. – TAYSHA FULLER Even though I only worked with Jahmil for a little while he made a truly lasting impression. I remember when I first came back to set as Tori and I was incredibly nervous those first few weeks, but Jahmil was so welcoming and treated me and the other new cast members like we’d been a part of the cast the whole time. If he gave you a compliment or even said something as simple as “it’s so good to see you” you knew he genuinely meant it. It seems like a small thing but it’s hard to find that kind of authentic honesty in most people. He was an incredibly talented actor and always such a positive energy on set, and I’ll remember him for all those vibrant moments. Rest In Peace. – ALEXA STEELE This smile. This spark. This spirit. Jah I am missing you from this earthly plane we all love you. – MEGAN FERGUSON there never seems to be enough time… I don’t know if words can describe someone like Jah. He really was too special for this world. A true artist to his soul. I was lucky to call him my friend. Rest in Peace and Power Angel. you will be so dearly missed. – PAUL JAMES I guess I thought if I refrained from making a post, it would ease some of the pain.. but the more hours that pass, the more it sets in heavier. JAH. Mi familia. My brother. I am crushed. I have believed in you since the moment we met, and it makes me smile to know the feeling was 100% reciprocated. The purest soul. Always himself no matter WHERE he went. It takes courage to be that way you know? To have that strength. From Antigone to degrassi, to LA to NY you had EVERYTHING in you to shine. All the power, all the talent, all the intelligence the drive, the fearlessness. Your smile made me smile. Sweeterman jah, I miss you so much already. – SHANICE BANTON Dance on, old friend -through the clouds. I will see you on the other side. click here for the full post – SHANNON KOOK

[shijiujun]

Hope everyone is partying (by yourself, spiritually, or with people, all are totally fine) well into the Christmas weekend! I am back with even more recs (I’ll prolly give it a rest at the 10th one sorry for the spam guys)! This one I just finished a few days ago, because CHINA BOOKSTORE PUBLISHED THIS ON CHRISTMAS WITH MANY GOODIES!! And I was like oh cute long-hair dude, let me read this.

Anyway this is a fengshui + supernatural + body-switching type of novel, with a heavy focus on fengshui! I don’t know if everyone knows what fengshui is (I will prolly do a list for Chinese New Year) and I am no expert, but it’s basically like Chinese geomancy where you can calculate a person’s fate, wealth, marriage suitability etc. with things in an individual’s environment. 

So a lot of Chinese people, for example businessmen when they have new offices or when couples renovate their homes, they may get a feng shui master to arrange furniture and add crystals or talismans or whatever to increase wealth/prosperity/happiness or harmonize bad energy etc., just an example. When you want to check the compatibility of yourself and your SO, some people do go to the fengshui master and calculate their 八字 (day, hour, time they were born + other things) to see when is an auspicious day to marry etc. 

My ex-editor really believes in feng shui masters because hers really predicted a year that her husband got into hugeee trouble like almost to the day itself apparently. And she always wear an accessory with a snake on it because the master said

Written by the same author (Xi Zi Xu) who wrote Kaleidoscope of Death!

- Part of Min’s ‘Why You Should Read’ Series -

Summary:

This book is set in the normal, regular, law-abiding modern city world where fengshui is heavily believed in, and skilled masters can see spirits, bad energies. Where dogs can be reincarnated as humans, and there are demonic pets that humans can keep, and paper dolls can come to life basically.

Zhou Jia Yu is a government office worker who dies in a car accident one day, and wakes up in the body of another Zhou Jia Yu - a handsome man whose name is the same as his. He’s brought back by this spirit bird in his head called Ji Ba (pun not intended), who says that Zhou Jia Yu is fated to save Lin Zhu Shui, the young, blind fengshui master who has caught him.

Unfortunately, this second Zhou Jia Yu is a con-artist who has cheated the money of several families via fraudulent fengshui schemes, and his scams have led to the death of several children in the process. Legendary fengshui master Lin Zhu Shui and his disciples have caught/imprisoned this Zhou Jia Yu, not knowing that original conman Zhou Jia Yu has died (and therefore his soul is gone), leaving good citizen Zhou Jia Yu in the body of a conman.

Lin Zhu Shui intends to kill conman Zhou Jia Yu (not really kill, kill but probably will do something to his soul, considering there are laws against murder you know) when good citizen Zhou Jia Yu wakes up in this body, but because he has come back from the dead, his body and soul is considered an extremely yin (cold) body, which allows him to attract more bad spirits and energy, giving him an extraordinary, gifted ability to excel in the fengshui line. Of course, being the master that he is, Lin Zhu Shui also realizes that this Zhou Jia Yu (and his soul, in particular) is not the one he caught, and as he has an extremely yang (hot) body, the both of them are compatible with each other. Lin Zhuo Shui realizes that he can train Zho Jia Yu and then takes him on as his disciple.

Cue Zhou Jia Yu being tossed into a dangerous fengshui competition as he figures out just what Ji Ba wants him to do about Lin Zhu Shui. In the meanwhile, he falls in love with amazingly handsome, cool and aloof Lin Zhu Shui (who threatens to murder him if he doesn’t come out first in the competition), who keeps him warm when he gets unbearably cold due to his body condition. They also have to deal with an evil person working behind the scenes, and how Zhou Jia Yu eventually returns back into his own body at the end.

Read:

Novel (Online) | Novel (Print) - Dec 2020 Print | Novel Translations 

Characters:

1. 周嘉鱼 Zhou Jia Yu (third from right) - A really cute government office worker whose soul was pulled into a conman’s body, who has the same name as he, when he got into a car accident. Has an extremely yin (cold) body which attracts spirits (good and bad), and allows him to see, smell or hear them more clearly than everyone else except for Lin Zhu Shui. He cooks extremely well too and is considered a treasure in the household by Lin Zhu Shui’s other disciples because none of them can cook for shit. They don’t initially know that this Zhou Jia Yu is not conman Zhou Jia Yu, although they suspect it, and once they fall in love with his cooking no one doubts him anymore HAHAHA.

He gets a feng shui tattoo personally done by Lin Zhu Shui who already knows that his soul was switched, a tattoo which is supposed to help him in feng shui matters. Gets a paper doll son halfway through the story, who he calls Xiao Zhi (little paper), which calls him Dad (and calls Lin Zhu Shui Big Dad - da baba) ;-; It’s the cutest shit ever.

There’s a mystical creature in the back of his head that speaks to him and helps him out on certain feng shui things, and helps him to explain what he’s seeing, but aside from telling Jia Yu that he’s supposed to save Lin Zhu Shui, the mystical bird thing is unable to tell him anything else. Within a few weeks of him waking up in this body, he’s sent by Lin Zhu Shui on an international feng shui competition without having any sort of basic knowledge, only innate talent, much to his panic XD As Lin Zhu Shui continues to protect him, teach him and tease/smile at him, Jia Yu, who is certified gay af, falls totally in love with the seemingly aloof and strict feng shui master.

They probably would have continued like this if not for Jia Yu’s body deteriorating because his body is technically not his and not compatible with his soul, and Lin Zhu Shui tries to find a way to save him, after seeing the future where Jia Yu’s body is rotting as he dies slowly over months and begging Lin Zhu Shui to kill him and let him die.

2. 林逐水 Lin Zhu Shui (third from left, right next to Jia Yu) - Long-haired, wears changshan perpetually and is blind, but can see more clearly than most people. He knows where everyone’s positions are exactly, and can see spirits etc. very well despite being blind. Considered a genius of the feng shui world and is the patriarch of one of the big feng shui families in the world - the Lin family. He’s a master at drawing talismans, carving crystals/gems and feng shui tattooing.

He’s so well-known that everyone wants to be his disciple, everyone wants to get a talisman/crystal/tattoo from him, everyone wants him to come and look at their houses, but he can’t be bothered with most people. He’s also super handsome? So a lot of girls (and guys) are always drooling over him.

He has an extremely yang (hot) body, which is supposed to naturally help to repel spirits and what not, but because of this he suffers a lot in the summer. His body condition is very rare and when he was younger, others said he would not live past 18 years old, and his parents gave up their lives to change his fate so he would survive. The feng shui master also predicted that Lin Zhu Shui would experience another calamity when he was 30 (thereabout), and that year, thankfully he has Jia Yu as his entire house caught on fire in the summer while he was in it (and cooling talismans and the house item placements meant to keep the house entirely cool in the summer were no longer working). Jia Yu helped him to cool down with his incredibly yin body.

Knows right off the bat that this is a different Jia Yu, and starts teaching him as one of his disciples. Can only eat the food hat Jia Yu cooks because his yin qualities transfer to the food he cooks as well, and Lin Zhu Shui usually cannot eat anything else that’s cooked outside. Gives Jia Yu a carved jade pendant he made himself that’s apparently worth thousands of dollars to keep him safe, and is a dumbass when it comes to confessing to Jia Yu hahahaha (although he’s successful at the end!)

3. 沈一穷 Shen Yi Qiong (second from right, dark skin tone) - Lin Zhu Shui’s youngest disciple and also Jia Yu’s best friend, technically. Brash but smart, and is always thirsting openly after his shifu Lin Zhu Shui, it’s hilarious! He’s a little jealous in the beginning because his shifu is showering Jia Yu with so much attention when he’s only been around for a week etc., but quickly gets used to it and supports Jia Yu. Jia Yu always makes fun of his tanned skin, then makes fun of his singlehood HAHA, while Shen Yi Qiong provides emotional support to Jia Yu, and by emotional support I mean when Jia Yu asks him what will happen to him if he loses the feng shui competition, Shen Yi Qiong pats him on the shoulder and asks him to choose a vase/pot pattern (like a ceramic pot where you put cremated ashes) = shifu will kill him if he loses the competition, so gets Jia Yu to choose a pot he likes so Shen Yi Qiong can help him put his ashes in HAHAHAHA. He is the last one to find a significant other, but the one he finds is like a legendary mystical creature who half deceives him into promising to marry him and then keeps chasing after Shen Yi Qiong so he can marry him XD

4. 林珏 Lin Jue (first from left) - Lin Zhu Shui’s cousin but technically his older sister because she brought him up after his parents died. Spends most of the novel being sad about her past lover who died because of an illness, and is wooed a few years later by a legendary golden dragon.

5. 小纸 Xiao Zhi (that little cute white thing on top of Jia Yu’s head) - A paper doll who’s given to Jia Yu after he helps out at the paper doll village/tribe, and grows up with Jia Yu and Lin Zhu Shui taking care of him. Is the cutest little shit ever, can speak, and calls Jia Yu ‘baba’ and Lin Zhu Shui ‘da baba’ i.e. dad and big dad. Very strong, and can protect Jia Yu very well.

Other Things I Like in the Novel:

Jia Yu basically goes to the feng shui competition and destroys everyone else because he’s just gifted in this aspect - When he wakes up, and in the days leading up to the competition, he doesn’t have a cellphone (Lin Zhu Shui and his disciples live in a remote part of town, a traditional-type house, one with nature) and after he wins the competition, other people want his phone number to contact him and he’s too embarrassed to say that he’s basically too poor to have a phone after rising from the dead, so he bluffs everyone and says “My shifu says that handphone signals and radiation will interfere with advanced feng shui readings so I don’t have one” and LITERALLY half of the feng shui training population gets rid of their phones on that day, gullible af

Everytime Jia Yu runs cold, he has to drink some of Lin Zhu Shui’s blood mixed with water/milk, and the man’s yang blood warms him up immediately

Jia Yu has to deal with four of Lin Zhu Shui’s disciples, all who are really suspicious of him because they think he’s the conman, and Jia Yu doesn’t realize they already know it’s not him until they defend him in front of other people, and he’s so touched

Shen Yi Qiong gets his marriage fortune told during one of the cases by accident. He asks when he’ll get married, and the thing replies “Seven Three” AND HE’S SO DEPRESSED BECAUSE he thinks that it means he’ll only get married when he’s 73. It’s a source of jokes between him, his other shixiongs and Jia Yu, but then towards the end he realizes what it means - His supposed match, a legendary mystical male weasel who’s 73 years old XD

Jia Yu keeps thirsting after Lin Zhu Shui, fully aware that he’s very gay himself, and he’s confessed to while he’s stuck in the haze of a high fever, so he thinks it’s a dream. Lin Zhu Shui doesn’t realize he forgot/thinks it’s a dream and is pissed that he’s rejected HAHAHA and then Lin Jue reminds him to not be a dumbass and confess properly, and so he does so again in an empty amusement park, after summoning evil spirits so they can fly in the air and make a heart shape just for Jia Yu while they’re on the ferris wheel XDDDD

[batarella]

I Don’t Hate You - Part 13 (Jason x Reader)

13 might be an unlucky number but there’s a good amount of fluff and smut here folks! Still there’s angst (can’t escape it now) and finally! Reader meets Bruce, Dick, and Alfred!

I’d like to thank these wonderful people for providing me the ideas and dialogue I needed to make Bruce and Dick as utterly annoying and embarrassing as I possibly could. 

@knightfall05x @offendedfishnoises @l-horizon11 @birdy-bat-writes @idkmanicantenglish @boarcide you guys are so amazingly talented and I love you

WORDS: 7038 WARNINGS: ANGST. FIRST TIME SEX. ORAL SEX FEMALE RECEIVING. EMBARRASSING DAD BRUCE. EMBARRASSING OLDER BROTHER DICK.

Masterlist

I DON’T HATE YOU - MASTERLIST

-----

Then

Well.

At least he could talk to you now without it becoming a screaming match.

But each time he comes home without getting to kiss you more than just a little peck, tell you how much he loved you without you saying it back like it was beaten and forced out of your mouth, or even just to hear you laugh with him all day over the stupidest things, it was depressing. Just yesterday you kissed his cheek without him having to ask you for it, or lean in to do it himself. You didn’t smile much, you hadn’t for the past few days. But every time he hopes things would get better.

Many times, he thought it wouldn’t. And it was his fault a lot of the time, as well. You’d say a snide remark and he’d say something back. Next thing he knew you were both screaming at each other again, take another few hours off before one of you calls and apologizes. He knew none of the fights mattered much at all. He knew it all stemmed from you knowing he was hiding something and him never giving in.

He couldn’t give in. Then, he’d be forced to let you go. That was never going to happen.

But this… this? This wasn’t how he ever thought things were going to be. For the most part, things got better. But not good enough for him to be as happy as he always had been with you.  

He wanted to hold you while you’d place your head snuggly into his neck, feeling you breathe into him and your mouth curving up when it placed gentle kisses into his skin. He wanted you to reassure him that you weren’t going to leave, that you still loved him just as deeply as he was always going to love you, that no fight was ever going to change that. He needed to touch you, physically love you. He wasn’t much of a shower of his emotions but when it came to needing that sort of love for himself, he was pretty selfish. He was probably just being a needy child, but he wanted that from you. Too many days have passed.

He wasn’t so sure this would work. It probably will, or not. You never actually brought it up before and when Bruce mentioned it, he could only think of the million different ways how it was definitely going to go wrong.

But he didn’t have much of a choice anymore. And he thought, just maybe, if you felt close to his family, you’d trust him again and things would go back to normal.

So, despite every end of his nerves pushing him out of the way, he managed to ask you to dinner at Wayne Manor, with Bruce, Dick, and Alfred meeting you for the very first time. And surprisingly, without a fight, you agreed. You didn’t sound so excited, or afraid, or even nervous at all. In fact, you seemed pretty confident. That was good, of course. He was going to need that confidence to rub off on him.

You looked absolutely radiant. Your hair flowing to your shoulders, your usual long-sleeved black dress and some red high heels for a pop of color. You looked relaxed enough to make his own nerves calm. And when he saw you, he couldn’t help his smile.

You locked the door to the apartment behind you, and when you walked down the steps, your skirt fluttered in the air. Good idea not to bring his bike.

Then you walked right in front of him, your hands in front of you. And you saw him smiling like a lunatic, head bashfully craned down and his hands stuck to his pockets.

“You look beautiful.”

You bit both your lips. “Shut up.”

He took too much of his time staring at you. At your hair, your face, how you started to blush like on your first few dates when things were still awkward and new between you two. You looked down at the ground.

He can waste a few more minutes.

Jason took a step closer to you, slowly grabbed your face and let you lean into him with those wanting, wideset eyes, then he kissed you.

His hair started sticking to his skin from the beads of sweat starting to pour down despite the cold, and your lips, how he missed the way you were so delicate with them mixed with the neediness of your tongue. He missed your scent, the feel of your hair in his fingers.

But you pulled away too soon, pressing your forehead. Your smile looked sad, just as tired as you had been. And his heart sank.

“We should go…” you said, pulling his arms away from you. Reluctantly, he agreed.

When you reached the manor, going up the stairs from the garages, he bumped the side of your shoulder. Jason took your hand, entangled your fingers between his own, then placed a kiss to the back of your hand.

But then you took your hand away from him. “Do you think I’ll do okay?”

He was so tired of you rejecting his touches.

“You’ll do great. You’re perfect,” he said.

You did that roll in your eyes you often did when you blushed. And he watched the look on your face when you walked over to the manor’s entrance, your jaw dropping at just the foyer.

“Alfred! We’re here!”

Your eyes went from the grand staircase to the tall butler sweeping in from the dining area. He had a piece of cloth around his arm, and when he both saw you, he slightly bowed.

“Y/N, this is our butler Alfred. Alfred, Y/N.”

You looked so pretty when you smiled like that, and when you shook Alfred’s hand, he was staring at you all giddy.

“So lovely to meet you,” Alfred said. “I’ll take your coat. Dinner will be ready in just a moment.”

“Thank you so much,” you kindly said.

“FINALLY, YOU’RE HERE! Y/N!!!”

At the sound of that very familiar voice of a grown man with a mind of a screaming five-year old child, Jason squeezed the bridge of his nose. Dick Grayson came running down from the staircase, dressed casually but smart in a collared shirt and jeans.

You definitely had that widening in your eyes most women often had the first time they see his brother, but it was subtle. You smiled back at him when Dick practically slid over to you, arms outstretched.

“Come on. I’m not about to give our little Jaybird’s girlfriend just a handshake.”

You laughed and naturally gave him a hug. Jason rolled his eyes. You were smiling brighter at that moment than you had the rest of the day. And when Dick did that light sway while holding you, Jason audibly scoffed.

“Jay,” Dick placed his hand on his shoulder. “She’s even more beautiful than you said she was.”

You blushed, but this time you were looking at him. Jason smiled back at you when your eyes locked onto each other for a moment longer.

“I can't believe it’s almost been a year since you got together,” Dick said.

“I know. Seems like yesterday,” Jason made sure to catch that little flustered smile when you laughed and bit your lip.

“Awe,” Dick cooed. “You guys are ADORABLE.”

Your eyes went over to the ground, smiling, and when Jason was sure you wouldn’t see, he elbowed Dick’s stomach hard enough to make him flinch but not enough to make you hear it.

“Come on,” Dick ruffled Jason’s hair. “Have a seat.”

You all went to the living area where the fireplace was set up and burning just for the occasion. Bruce thought it would be good to make the place a bit homier and more welcoming. Jason thought it was over the top and completely unnecessary. Him being worried you making a good impression? Not even a little. Him worrying about Dick embarrassing you to death or Bruce trying way too hard to be a dad? A thing of his nightmares.

The fireplace was a good example. He made sure it was turned off when he left. And only now did he let out a groan too soft for you to hear when you stepped in and took a seat with the place smelling like coal and burnt wood.

You and Jason sat on the long love seat and Dick on the arm chair. He leaned over, asking you all about yourself, to which you happily responded as if the conversation wasn’t at all uncomfortable. Thankfully, it wasn’t. So far so good.

You spoke so calmly, so reserved, and he could feel you starting to enjoy your time here. And by god, he couldn’t stop staring at you the whole time you spoke. You noticed it, of course. Each time you finished talking you started scrunching your nose at him playfully, and he’d smile, chin on his arm looking at you like you were just the best thing in the whole world. Even with Dick talking, Jason couldn’t help placing his arm on your waist, just to be closer to you. And you leaned back. Not totally, trying not to make Dick look uncomfortable, but you tensed a little, especially when he squeezed your waist. He heard you clear your throat.

“You know,” Dick said. “Jason barely talks to us about his feelings.”

Jason rolled his eyes again.

“But, let me tell you, this guy’s definitely lucky to have you. And does he know it. Mentions you more times than he even notices.”

You couldn’t possibly have been surprised, but you laughed lightly, trying to smile. You didn’t look at him, but he felt you let out a sigh and your body started to tense even more.

He sadly looked down, and when you inched away, he took his hand away from your waist like he felt it break.

But then his eyes trailed behind you, at the entry way. “Bruce.”

That was when you stood stiff and brushed off the creases on your dress. Jason stood with you, hand behind your back to sooth you with his thumb. Bruce walked in, with a suit he often wears to work, then walked over to you two.

“Bruce. This is Y/N.”

“Evening, Mr. Wayne…”

“Call me Bruce.” He stretched out his hand, and you took it and shook it firmly.  “Lovely to finally meet you. I’ve been meaning to for quite some time.”

“Me too. It’s such a pleasure to have me at your home.”

“Pleasure’s all mine.”

Okay. Not bad. Only four sentences in and he hasn’t said anything that made him want to jump out the window. Progress.

“Dinner is served, sir.” Alfred was at the door, arms outstretched to the dining area. You all walked in and Jason pulled out a seat for you.

The food was good. You were seated beside him, Bruce at the far end, and Dick right across him. You ate as you spoke, so reserved and polite. If you were like this everyday, no one would recognize you.

“Where do you plan to go for college, Y/N?” Bruce said.

“Jason actually helped me with the decision. I’m taking music at Gotham College of the Arts.”

“Ah. Good choice. Jason tells me you play the violin.”

There it was. It starts here. He told Bruce that you sang. Plenty of times. And that you played the piano and guitar sufficiently. Man with an IQ of 192 can't remember that simple piece of information.

“No, actually,” you laughed it off. “I sing.”

“Dammit, Jay, you struck gold with this one.” Dick took a massive bite out of his fork.

The mashed potatoes in front of him probably could make him suffocate if he tried.

“Thank you,” you smiled.

“That is impressive. We’d love to hear you sing some time. On one of our parties, maybe you could sing for us. My son’s girlfriend. The people would love that.”

“Okay.” Jason reached over the other end of the table to end the conversation. “Let’s not make her uncomfortable.”

“It’s alright. I would love to.”

More talk about the future, college, deliberately roasting the hell out of Jason with the three of you ganging up on him. If you didn’t look like you actually had fun, he would have stuck his fork down his thigh just to level the pain.

“Let me ask, do you know any martial arts of any sort?”

Fuck.

“Uhm,” you said. “No, I actually don’t.”

“Well, I see you have strong ankles, good build, and your handshake back there felt strong. Your arms look like you pack a good punch. And you're calm. Reserved. You should think about doing some training-”

“Bruce. Pass the orange juice.”

“Your glass is still full, Jason.”

Jason hurriedly gulped down the entirety of his glass. “Now it’s not.”

Bruce thought nothing of it and passed it to Jason. You shifted in your seat, but you were still smiling. Softly, he ran placed his hand on your thigh to soothe you.

A few moments of silence. Bitter. Cold. But better than anything else, he guessed.

“Now,” Bruce said, finishing up his food. “What are your intentions with my son?”

A large spat of juice spurted out of Jason’s nose and mouth, and he quickly wiped it off with his napkin. “Mother-“

“Jason, you and I haven’t exactly had that talk. And I want to make sure both of you know what you're doing.”

“Who needs some more yams!?” Dick interrupted.

“Bruce. We are not talking about this.”

“I just want to know if you both are doing it properly and safely-“

You didn’t even look as uncomfortable as he was. You were trying so hard to bite off your laughter. Jason, on the other hand, just had the strength to talk through the juice he was tasting in his nostrils.

“You are both eighteen, now I’m not saying it isn’t allowed but-“

“Sir. More wine.” Alfred butted in.

There has never been so much chaos in a single room. It was like watching his own house burn in a fire and only getting to watch it outside, realizing he doesn’t have insurance and that his dog was still there and he couldn’t do anything to save him.

“I’m done eating. Come on Y/N. I’ll take you to the music room.”

“Is that what you kids call it these days!?” Dick burst into laughter.

Someday, he was going to murder his own family. In their sleep. Making sure they were looking straight into his eyes.  

He overheard them as they walked up the stairs.

“Sir, I recommend less alcohol the next time the boys bring in a friend.”

“Leave the door open, Jason!” Bruce called out to him.

Jason closed his eyes, imagined a white sandy beach with just you and him to calm his muscles so tense they were on the brink of explosion. You weren’t bothered at all, though. You were blushing, but when you were alone upstairs, you started laughing.

“Not funny.”

“Totally funny. I thought that guy was as stiff as a rock.”

“Bruce is only not embarrassing at moments when it doesn’t even matter.”

“Oh god,” you sighed, clutching your stomach. “I fucking love your family.”

You. Laughing. Holding and squeezing his arm so tightly. Then he took in the sound of your voice, so raw and genuine, holding back the rise in your pitch that usually happens when you were like this. This was what he wanted.

He decided to just shrug off his god-awfully embarrassing family and focus on you. At least it made you this happy.

“They love you, too. Too much.” He scoffed.

“Where’s the music room?”

“We’re not going there. I’m taking you somewhere else.”

“Oh,” you quirked up an eyebrow. “Where would that be?”

“It’s a place I found the first night I ran away from home. I came out this window right here. You can't go there from the main entrance.”

Another set of stairs down the hallway. He held your hand. “Slow down, Todd. I’m wearing heels.”

“Might I say you look fucking fantastic in them,” he winked.

“I’m the same height as you now, Jay. And these heels aren’t even that high,” you laughed.

“I don’t mind.”

A window at the far end. He opened it, swung his leg over then helped you on your feet. Then there was a wide plane of grass, empty from being at the far-left side of the manor, then Jason led you to a part of the fence that hadn’t been charged with voltage enough to incapacitate a man. He held it open, the earthy musk filling his nose with the sense of adventure he yearned for with you, then when you were out of the vicinity, he helped you walk through the bushes and grass, with trees high above you and some debris on the ground.

“Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.”

It was actually not as near as he thought. Maybe it was because you walked much slower. But he enjoyed it, nevertheless. You were happier now, and it was the best sight to see since the day he met you. He held your hand tight, and you placed your other hand on his bicep. You were shivering. Thank god, it wasn’t snowing.

Walking through the forest, you looked up.

“Look,” you said. “Stars.”

He smiled before turning to your rosy cheeks and perfectly delicate lashes on your cheeks. “I know. We’re far enough from the city to see them.”

The leaves crinkling beneath his feet, he kissed your hand, and you kissed his back. You started leaning against his shoulder.

“Wow,” you said. “Is that a church?”

“A small chapel. Barely enough seats inside to sit fifteen people. But just look inside.”

You’d definitely compare this to one of your favorite movies, and he loved how much your face lit up at the spookiest things even he’s sometimes afraid of. The chapel, used to be white, was now a darkening pile of wood, barely safe enough to go into. There was a small, bronze bell at the top, a cross above the door, and even with the building itself not being so wide, its ceiling was tall enough to have a large circular stained glass just beneath the roof.

There was nothing else around it at all. Not even a cemetery. It was just by itself, being eating by the vines on the ground, and its roof was so rusted and brown that he could smell the staleness from where he was standing. To add to the creepiness, it was surrounded by trees enough to be completely dark, but with the flashlight from his phone, you could see everything. It was beautiful. You didn’t shake or feel scared at all. You smiled more the closer you stepped in.

“I think this used to be here all the way back to the wild west times.”

“Jason, this is amazing.”

The church pews were too broken to sit on, scattered on the sides of the floor. The altar was also completely hallowed out except for a small wooden table, a cross in the middle almost half his size, and a vase below it, probably to hold flowers.

Something he didn’t expect, but was so glad for, the moon was right above the stained glass, and from how brightly it shone, there was a single string of light, big enough to fill a large spot right in the center of the chapel’s aisle. He turned off the light of his phone.

Still standing by the door, you walked inside and stood right under that light.

Then you looked back at him, smiling so brightly and perfectly he swore the world moved just a bit slower so he’d catch every detail on your face.

Just you, in an empty, abandoned church. He placed his hands in his pockets with him unknowingly smiling at you so much his face started to hurt. You looked at him, then up at the stained glass, where you stayed for a long while just mesmerized by the light.

It hit your face just as perfectly as he’d envision. Your cheekbones were up in a smile, your dress staying still from the lack of wind. You looked so peaceful and seamless. Your eyes so wide, your nose crinkling from the dust, your hair so delicately laying on your back. All the emptiness in him, and every other feeling other than the slow, overwhelming warmth that came with a twisting in his ribs, he ignored it.

You were everything he wished for. Nothing he expected.

And just like that, Jason fell in love with you exactly like he did the first time.

Jason took his phone, then his earphones and plugged it in, scrolling for a song. He slowly walked over to you, and you took steps to close your distance between you and him.

He placed one earbud to his left ear and the other to your right.

.

Tell me, tell me that you want me

And I'll be yours completely, for better or for worse

I know, we'll have our disagreements

Be fighting for no reason, I wouldn't change it for the world

.

You had to catch your breath the moment you listened in to the lyrics. The words made you choke, even more when he took your hands, trailing his palms down your arms and placing them around his neck. He held your waist so delicately, then started to sway.

.

You make my heart feel like it's summer

When the rain is pouring down

You make my whole world feel so right when it's wrong

That's how I know you are the one

That's why I know you are the one

.

You had your eyes closed, and finally, finally, you leaned in to him without a chance at letting go. You swayed with him so naturally, your body felt one. He closed his eyes as well and basked in your warmth, your scent. The light was starting to fade, standing in the middle of the only source.

.

Life is easy to be scared of

With you I am prepared for what is yet to come

'Cause our two hearts will make it easy

Joining up the pieces, together making one

.

Your head slipped to his side so your cheek touched his. It felt warmer that way. He felt closer. You looked behind him, stuck your nose to his ear. You controlled your breaths before everything started crashing into you like a maniacal bus. You weren’t about to cry. Not even when your chest was twisting so much that it hurt. It was all so beautiful. Nothing that you thought wouldn’t overwhelmed you.

He kissed your cheek, and his lips stayed there indefinitely. You breathed in, pulled him even closer into your arms while still keeping your light swaying. He held you so close. And if it wasn’t just you, you could have sworn you felt a tear fall down to your shoulder. His tear. He held your waist tighter but still kept with his swaying. “I’m so sorry…”

“Shh…”

.

When we are together you make me feel like my mind is free

And my dreams are reachable, oh oh oh oh

You know I never ever believed in love or believed one day

That you would come along

And free me

.

He slightly pulled back and kissed you, so gently in the lips. You still held him as close to you as you could. The words. The dust flying about in the room. Nothing has ever felt so calm. The beating in the song, it matched the beating of his heart. Jason stopped swaying now and started holding the back of your head, never letting you slip from his hold.

You didn’t this time. You kissed him back just as equally wanting as he was. And he felt that love. The love he yearned too much from you.

.

That's why I know you are the one

That's how I know you are the one

.

A love you’d never trade for anything. A love you’d always come back to no matter what. A love you never wanted to give up on, no matter how much life convinced you things weren’t about to get better. Even when the song ended, he held you, kept kissing you, and you weren’t about to count the minutes for it to end. This night. Nothing was going to end.

You wanted to beat yourself up for everything that happened, to let those days go to waste, sulking and letting your pride take the best of you. Oh, how he changed you, and so much for the better. Because now, you were going to let yourself lose. You were willingly going to put everything aside for him. Because no matter what, it all ends up boiling down to him.

Everything. He was everything. He was the stars. He was the trees. He was the soil beneath and the song you listened to. Jason was everything to you. And nothing, not even you, will get in the way between you being happily cradled in his arms.

“Happy Anniversary,” Jason whispered to your ear.

You were crying now. Definitely. With the clock striking 12, you’ve been with Jay for a year. The best year of your life. You kissed him again.

-----

He took you home later than anticipated. But you weren’t complaining. You just never wanted that rush of happiness and peace to end. He parked his car, held your hand even when it was just a small walk to your apartment, and when you reached the door, he kissed you again under the lamppost.

You giggled when he bit onto your lip, and with your arms around him, you pressed your noses together.

“Wanna stay over?” you winked.

You swore you heard Jason squeal. “Really?”

“Really,” you ran a hand down his chest. “It’s our anniversary. Let’s spend it right.”

“And your parents?”

“Dad isn’t here. Mom’s asleep.”

Feeling his hand further down your back, you kissed him again. “Come on.”

Jason nodded far too enthusiastically and you both kept your laughs as quiet as you could when you held hands walking into the apartment.

He closed the door behind him, then locked it. Taking your coats and shoes off, you laughed when Jason suddenly held your waist and slammed the both of you onto the bed.

You didn’t care about anything else any longer. You were there. Jason was there. You giggled. You straddled his hips. He kissed you until your lips were numb. You gripped on his hair. He couldn’t stop grinning. You couldn’t stop laughing.

You rolled around the bed for hours you didn’t count. Soft. Happy. Just as it was. You never felt so light hearted, so warm, yet enjoyed the coolness that ran through your skin where his body wasn’t touching.

He was flat on the bed, and you on top of him. His hands were on your waist, trailing down your back until he reached your ass. When he squeezed, you gasped and bit his lip, and this time, you didn’t move his hands away.

You mewled into his lips when he squeezed harder, moving your dress up so slowly and delicately you wouldn’t have noticed until his hot palms were massaging your bare ass. When you grinded into him, his grip tightened even further until his nails were digging into your flesh.

You sat up, and with his glistening eyes, mouth parted to let his tongue seep out, he watched you like you were a goddess.

You pulled on the hem of your dress, up off your arms and threw it across the room.

He looked adorable, gulping and flushing red at the sight of you. But he also looked like he was holding himself back from absolutely devouring you. He marveled over your body, eyes all over every inch of your now exposed skin. He licked his lips, practically drooling over the bed. His hands went up your hips, lingering up and down your waist, and with your hold, you led him up to your breasts.

Jason groaned and you felt him harden beneath you. You grinded, and the friction of his jeans against your thin panties, it was amazing. He let you roll your hips again, taking in your flushed skin and raw state. Wanting more, more of him, you pulled on his shirt and he sat up to help you get it off him.

Skin against skin, you moaned just at your body warmth being so pressed closely against each other. His lips were all over you. Your neck. Your lips. Your chest. Your shoulders. Your collarbone. Your lips again. Your cheek. Your breasts.

“Fuck…” you heard him whisper, and you realized his fingers were doing their best to take your bra off. Chuckling, you helped him.

And when he took it off, he looked like a ten-year old boy on his first-time watching porn. He kneaded your breasts, taking them in for a sweet, special moment, then you moaned your loudest when his lips wrapped around your nipple, gently nipping at them with his teeth, then circled his tongue around so much that his hot drool soaked down your skin.

Your hands were down to his jeans, taking his belt off. He pulled away and took them off for you, along with his underwear.

Drooling at the sight of his very hard cock, you held it in your hand. You’ve done this before. Jacked him off. But that was practically it. And now, as nervous as you were, you didn’t want to mess this up.

“Are you sure you’re ready?” Jason breathed into your lips.

You nodded. “Yes… I’m ready. Are you?”

“Damn straight, I am.”

Laughing, he held your hand and guided you with your pumps, making it even harder as he raised his hips to thrust into your palm.

Biting into your neck, you pumped harder, now on your own, then you felt his own hand down your ass, reaching over to reach your clothed pussy from behind. You both moaned, and when you felt his fingers set your panties aside.

“Do you have-“

“Yeah… shit it’s in my wallet.”

You smiled and bit your nail while grinning as Jason pulled away from you, quickly raced to his jeans on the floor to get the condom from his wallet. “You’re a dork.”

Jason held the back of your head, kissed you, then pushed you onto the bed to let you lie on your back. He wasn’t in a hurry. You had the whole night. And you loved it. You threw your head back, spread your legs to let him settle between them, then his lips were back on your body.

Never have you felt so connected with anyone. And it was amazing. And you never felt so worshipped, so beloved. Jason suckled on your breasts, your hands an outlet by gripping ferociously onto his hair, then he kissed down your stomach, your navel, the patch of hair down there once he shrugged you off your panties. And when you felt the cool air brush against your clit, it was replaced by his tongue. “Fuck, you're wet.”

“Oh…” you screamed, mouth so rounded. Your head was at the edge of the bed, almost hanging, and you started seeing stars at just the mere sensation of Jason’s tongue on you. He wasn’t very skilled, yet, it felt good. Something so new, so wet and delicate and intimate. He lapped at your folds, and when he found your clit, he flicked his tongue over it.

“Jason…” you mewled, and he let you bring his head back to your level with just holding his hair. While you kissed all over his face, neck, and shoulders, he was looking down at his cock to put on the condom.

Lips on your cheek, breathing and whispering into your ear, your hands trailed down his back and settled on his rippling muscles.

Looking straight into your eyes, foreheads glued, you felt his fingers spread you apart, inserting into you to get you loosened up for him.

“Are you ready?”

“Yeah,” you gasped. Then his cock, so much thicker than his fingers, slid into your cunt. And at that, you felt one with him. You were one. You were one being.

Holding onto his shoulders, gripping so tight as you cried and felt yourself stretch around him, he hissed at the pain as well. “Fucking shit, you're so tight.”

“Fuck…” you moaned into his ear. You loved the pain, loved it so much you wanted to feel it over and over again. You loved the way he was inside you, pushing your walls apart. You loved it even more when he slightly shifted and felt him move inside you.

“Please, Jay…”

He kissed you to ease the pain, then he pulled back, he looked down and saw a bit of your blood on his cock and the sheets. “Shit…”

“It’s okay. Keep going.”

Lost in his eyes, he pushed back inside you, kissed you hard to conceal your gasps, then moved again. Again. Then again. You were biting into his shoulder, letting the surging buzz consume you. His hand went down to hold your ass, your thighs, he pushed them back so he could go in even deeper. “Oh!”

That’s when it started to feel really good. He gained his pace, though still a bit uneven and sloppy, it felt good nevertheless. You were trembling under him, and you bit onto his lips.

You flipped over. He grabbed your ass, you held his neck. Then you started slowly bouncing onto his cock. Moaning your name, Jason caught your nipple in his teeth and you threw your head back.

All this just felt so unreal. You knew you were gonna have sex soon enough. But this? You could ignore the awkward. The mistakes. The cursing. The nerves. You just felt him, opening you up and showing you a whole new kind of love that made you feel so cherished and other-worldly. He held your hips, thrusted up to you to hit it even deeper. And as he did that, his thumb went over to your clit.

“Fuck! Yes, Jason!” you screamed. The bed was rocking, hitting the wall. You put your hand against it to keep you from falling over, but the mind-blowing surges were shooting up all over your limbs and you couldn’t even sit yourself straight up. But he held you. So tightly, he did.

One with him. All of him. You wanted everything that he was. Hands all over his body, lips where you could touch, you wanted every part of him and never did you want this to stop. You weren’t chasing anything. You just wanted him whole. You wanted this to last and feel him all night. And god, was it hot, feeling your ass slap his skin, his cock throbbing inside you. And the way he was holding you, looking at you to make sure you felt just as fucking amazing as he was, you clenched around him.

You were feeling something build up your core, down there where the shivers started to overtake. You held it off the best you can, but then Jason came first. He tightened around you, holding your body so hard you were going to bruise. He moaned your name over and over, into your ear, and the feel of his breath tickling your neck sent the hairs at the back of your neck stand. Mixed with the everything else going on, you wanted to explode.

And before his high ended, he slammed into you so good and fast, you instantly came apart.

An orgasm like this felt so much deeper, like it came from all the way inside you in places you’d never otherwise reach. And it was all over you, all over your limbs. So uncontrollably overwhelming, and the best part was, it came from him. Jason. Fuck, this was the best thing ever.

You both fell flat on the bed, panting. You were on top of him, on his chest, and with the last of his strength, he pulled you closer and placed a kiss on your head.

It took a while for the high to subside. When it did, Jason threw the condom into a nearby trash can and pulled out your blanket to wrap both of you around it.  You snuggled into his chest.

“I love you…” you said into his ear.

Grinning so wide, Jason pulled you closer. “I love you.”

----

Now

You didn’t tell the therapist everything, but you told her enough.

“So you made up after that fight after all?”

You nodded. “After a few days, yes. I met his family, he made sure our anniversary was memorable, and at that moment, I loved him more than ever.”

The therapist leaned over, letting you take a moment to smile sadly at that memory. Until now, you could still feel his arms around your naked body, cuddled while the first snowfall of the year happened outside.

You remembered how at that moment, all you thought about was how you had so much hope for things to finally get better, just like it always was. That everything in front of you would be nothing but pure happiness and utter carelessness, mess around with your boyfriend, have a blast and enjoy your youth.

You knew, deep in your heart, that bad things were inevitable, but at that time you thought it were only from fights, the normal like. The kind you were used to. The kind that was expected. You knew it wasn’t always going to be perfect. But you’d do it all over again. Just like the song you danced to said in that beautiful night at the chapel. Over and over again. That was what you hoped for.

But you never thought that the absolute worst thing you ever could have thought of ended up being what happened.

“I really did forgive him after that.”

“But?”

“But…”

You felt your heart shatter at the thought of how that memory turned out to be one of the last good ones. Like a moment in time you wished had just stopped there, frozen forever. You desperately wanted to go back, relieve that happiness that seemed so everlasting even when it wasn’t.

Maybe, in a way, it was everlasting, because you could play that memory so easily recalled from the back of your mind.

Gripping your own thighs, you breathed.

“That was also the night I found out where he got those bruises…”

She looked intrigued, pulling out her notebook. “It seems this reason brings you anger.”

“At first, it did…”

“What was it?”

You were going to have to lie. Thankfully, you thought this through the moment you decided to be here.

“He runs away from home a lot. And when he does, he goes back to his old neighborhood for… things he hadn’t settled yet since before he was adopted by Bruce. A lot of thugs live there. And they know who he is. Sometimes just a light punch in the gut. Sometimes he gets beaten down.”

She wasn’t allowed to react judgingly, but you saw her look at you differently when you mentioned that. “I see…”

“I found out about it when he left the room and saw him turn to his old street from out my window.”

“Did he know? That you found out?”

You looked down at your hands. “No…”

-----

Then

You were woken up by light kisses down your face. You smiled, humming to his lips. But when you woke up finding it was still dark, Jason already dressed and standing over your bed, you sat up.

“You’re leaving?”

“I have to go, okay? Bruce is looking for me. I’ll be back after lunch tomorrow.”

You didn’t want him to leave. You pouted, holding his hand refusing to let go. He just laughed and kissed your eyelids. “I’ll be back before you wake up in the morning, then. You won't notice I’m gone.”

“Fine.” You leaned back on the bed. Giving you one last kiss to your face, he walked over to the door.

You smiled at him, and he smiled back. he left the room with your heart so light and happy and everything you yearned for with him.

But you weren’t able to go back to sleep. You just lied there on your empty bed, seeing the light outside coming to a light purple. Your legs were aching. Your whole body was throbbing. Sex was fucking amazing. You definitely wanted another round when he comes back tomorrow.

Grabbing your dress, you pulled it on and went out to get a glass of water. All that panting made you wake up extremely thirsty.

Then, you opened the window of your fire exit to let in some air. Drinking from your glass, you watched the dim sky and the lights of the city shining against it.

A figure. At the far-off rooftop.

You squinted your eyes and leaned over the window.

It was jumping around, leaping from one roof to another. He was in a hurry. It was a man. No. A boy?

And with the sky giving you enough light, you saw red and yellow on his suit. And a cape on his back. You saw him fire something from his hand, then he shot up to a rooftop.

Robin?

Bewildered, you watched in awe.

You’ve never seen him in action before. Just in news articles from photographers at night trying their best to have a good picture of him, which they almost never do.

He moved so quickly. And he was getting closer. Close enough for you to notice his movements and his hair.

A head of black hair, bouncing as he moved, it reminded you of the way it did when Jason-

No.

No.

No.

No.

No…

The glass in your hand broke into thousands of shards when it met the ground.

----

I DON’T HATE YOU - MASTERLIST

----

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[hungrywhovianjedi]

Twin Moons

read also on my AO3 and my FF.net read the rest here prologue chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3

Premise of the story:  Obi-Wan never took Luke to Tatooine in fact they overshot the force forsaken dustball completely and instead Luke grew up on the planet Lothal being trained to become a Jedi like his father before him. Ezra Bridger is an orphan loner who only makes an exception to his solitude for one boy. The boy who helped him out when he was seven, and that Ezra always seems to get into trouble.

NOW FOR THE BIG REVEAL The cover of Twin Moons art is by the amazingly talented @sunflova​ 

He took it all back, when he said Luke was more like his mother he took it back, as he looked through the wreckage that was a speeder bike and tie fighter he admitted it. He raised another Anakin. Yet another Skywalker with a reckless streak that caused chaos wherever he went. This level of Reckless he hadn't seen in fifteen years!

He knew Luke was alive, despite his initial panic, he could still feel the steady if dull connection between them, and had felt the fear when Luke noticed he was starting to lose his sense of his mentor in the force.

More concerning was still the cold weight that had settled over Lothal, only that coldness made him glad Luke was not on this planet right now, a shadow had come to land on this planet, and it was better that Luke not encounter it. 

Feeling this darkness was like being pushed back in time, the worst night of his life. He was suddenly facing Anakin on Mustafar. He didn't know what brought him here, but Vader was on Lothal, and Ben was prepared for the worst. 

Although preferably he would avoid his former apprentice completely, and find a ship to follow Luke off the planet.  He knew the boy was frightened, could feel it in their bond. He sent a wordless reassurance through the force, and only hoped Luke would receive it. 

~~~~~~~

Anger burned through him, a red hot flame cutting through everything. The first thing he gets told upon landing is of incompetence. An entire shipment of arms lost to, as the reports and security footage said, two smugglers and children. He watched again the footage showed two young boys jumping a median on a stolen speeder. His eyes were drawn again to the boy driving a halo of golden hair, and a stern set to his mouth. There was something deeply familiar about the boy, but he couldn't place it. 

"Get me agent Kallus" He ordered, then after a moment of thought, "and bring me the sorry excuse of a commander that claims to be in charge of this battalion"

"Yes sir!" The trooper by the door saluted, and marched through the door. 

Stormtroopers, he sneered at the thought, he missed the Clones, he never had mishaps like this when he commanded the 501st. The Clones would have deftly handled the thieves, and he wouldn't have to get ISB involved. However the Clones were made dispensable, their advanced aging process taking its toll, and they were all but broken down shells now. They kept a few on to train legions of troopers, but otherwise they were dead or AWOL. One of these was his once Captain and Friend CT7567 Rex. He was disappointed when he heard that Rex's ship went down. 

To this day he still got the pang in his chest about the reality of that day. Ahsoka… Rex wasn't the only friend he lost then. 

"Good luck" the last words spoken between them,  he would never forget the pain of finding her saber in the wreckage of that venator, knowing that he inadvertently caused her demise. 

He clenched his fist, what was wrong with him? Why was he being haunted by the past of Anakin Skywalker after all these years, it was like something on this planet was pulling all of the things that he had buried to the surface. It all began with that presence, like a light in the darkness so much like Padmè it hurt. 

"My lord" the voice pulled the sith lord from his thoughts.

He turned to face the men who entered,  "Agent Kallus, Commander Arescko. It has been brought to my attention that the afternoon's fiasco, was in fact not the first of such disturbances to happen under your watchful eye, and yet these thieves, remain unapprehended" 

Arescko swallowed, visibly uncomfortable with facing Vader. "My Lord, these brigands knew our protocol, and were waiting in position" 

Vader folded his arms, "so it was your protocol to have a secured imperial comm unit stolen? Or was it your protocol that caused several casualties, and the loss of thousands of credits worth of stolen firepower? The fact is Commander, if you had been diligent in your duties these brigands would not have had the chance to ambush your troops. Reports across Lothal have spoken of this crew, and yet you did nothing to prepare your men for the inevitable attack"

The commander shook, trying to remain calm. He knew of Vader's reputation, and what usually happened to those who dissatisfied him. "I assure you my lord-"his words cut off sharply into choking gasps.

"I will not abide incompetence commander"

Kallus shifted uncomfortably as the commander's choked breathing faded, and Vader dropped the man to the ground. Kallus did not check if the man was still alive, he was certain that Vader would not have released him if that was the case. 

"Agent Kallus, do you know what these attacks suggest?"

"Yes My Lord. The Imperial security bureau pays attention to patterns, and this is shaping to form a spark of rebellion" he stood at attention, not wavering under the gaze of Darth Vader, "I assure you, since being deployed here, I have made preparations for the next strike these would be rebels make. I have set up a trap for them. We will crush this spark of rebellion"

"See that you do" Vader replied tersely, "and when you do, the boy on those tapes, bring him to me alive. There is something familiar about him"

Kallus saluted and walked out.

 ~~~~~~~

Space… they were in space, force knows how far away from Lothal, Luke could barely sense Ben in his mind, and it unnerved him. Ben was the constant in his life. Since as long as he remembered it was him and Ben. Going to the market, meditation training together, exploring the mountains of Lothal, training with his saber, each time Ben was there. His absence was like a cold dark spot in his mind. After watching the hyperspace jump, the man, who finally introduced himself as Kanan, had taken him to the cockpit where he met the pilot, Hera. 

He had to admit, he admired Hera's courage, facing down the Empire in an old freighter, and he was set slightly at ease when the Twilek told him they would be returning to Lothal as soon as she could calculate the next jump. 

"Let me go! You can't keep me here, take us back to Lothal!" Ezra bellowed as Zeb hauled him into the cockpit. 

Luke looked back to his friend and saw the noted relief the other boy showed. 

"Relax, that's exactly what we're doing" Hera's voice held an edge of humor.

Ezra looked panicked, "wait, now? With the Empire chasing us?"

Luke spoke up then, "it's okay Ez, she lost the fighters" he looked up at Hera, "she's an amazing pilot"

The woman seemed pleased with his praise, "like the kid said, we lost the fighters when we jumped and the ghost can scramble its signature so they can't track us when we return"

"Oh, that's pretty cool" Ezra looked stunned, but like always shook it off, and smirked, "alright, so just drop me, Luke and our blasters off outside of capital city"

The door slid open, Kanan and Sabine walking in

"They're not your blasters" Sabine stated, brushing past Ezra, shooting Luke a quick smile.

"And we're not going back to Capital City, jobs not done." Kanan finished. 

Luke bit his lip, Hera hadn't mentioned that they weren't being taken back home, "We're not?"

Hera shook her head, "we have a deadline to meet, then we'll get both of you back where you belong if that's still what you want"

Luke nodded, he really did, he missed his uncle, and he only hoped where they landed was close enough for him to reach Ben again. 

~~~~~~ 

Ezra was fuming, how dare these people refuse to bring them home! He didn't care about their job, he wanted his blasters so he could sell them on the black market and have a little cash to live off of, then there was the fact that Luke was acting weird. 

The blonde was usually so happy and talkative, he had barely said a word since they jumped onto this ship seeming almost fearful of the crew. 

Then there were these people they treated Luke like some lost little kid, and him? They treated him like a common Loth-rat he hated it. Ezra wanted to go home, wanted his best friend back, and never wanted to see this ship again!

He sat in one of the bucket seats in the cockpit, Luke in the other, legs pulled to his chest, head bowed and eyes closed. Ezra wondered if he was sleeping. 

"We're coming for a landing, you boys want to stretch your legs? We'll be here for a while" 

Ezra glanced again at Luke who hadn't even stirred, but he saw a smile on the other boy's face  that hadn't been there before. He always marveled at the way Luke could do that, just drop into total relaxation at the drop of a hat, he had seen the boy do it many times, at times it was almost like he was seeing nothing and everything at the same time. Ezra envied the ease with which Luke found peace, and sometimes wished he could be more like him. He knew he was brash and abrasive, but he couldn’t help it. Being the way he was, it was the only thing that allowed him to live on his own. It gave him the aura that kept people from messing with him. Be abrasive and they left you alone. It worked on everyone.

Everyone except Luke it seemed. 

~~~~~~

The force surrounded him, he gathered his fear and uncertainty and released it to the force. It took longer this time than usual to find his center and drop into a meditative trance, the alien sounds of the ship invading his thoughts. In the end, he latched onto the familiar. He reached out in the force and found Ezra, the other boys presence, a soothing balm. 

Luke breathed in, and out steadily, looking to lose himself in the force. Take his anger release it, his fear release it, his uncertainty release it. He took in a deep breath, and silently repeated the words Ben would tell him as the older man taught Luke to find his place in the force. 

Emotion, yet peace

He took the emotions that had been at war in him and pushed them away, they belonged to the force.

Ignorance, yet knowledge 

He released the questions that had been hounding him, force willing someday they would be answered, they also belonged to the force. 

Passion, yet serenity 

He pulled on the peace he found in the force, allowing it to swallow him whole, his passion now belonged to the force.

Chaos, yet harmony 

Chaos surrounded him, burning through Zeb and Ezra, Chopper the droid was certainly a character of chaos, but he wouldn't allow it to touch him, his chaos belonged to the force.

Death, yet the force 

Like many times he felt the caress of a woman's hand on his cheek, people didn't keep themselves in the force Ben said, but Luke knew he was wrong, in his meditation, he felt his mother, her hand on his skin, her voice in his ear. When he realized what it was, he sought also the touch of his father, but the force had stopped him, a black vortex before him, that threatened to swallow him. He turned from the vortex and released his mothers touch to the force. His life belonged to the force. 

Emotion, yet peace

Ignorance, yet knowledge 

Passion, yet serenity 

Chaos, yet harmony 

Death, yet the force 

This time like many as he moved through the force, he found a dormant tether, one that neither held taught nor hung loosely, it was formed much like his and Ben's, yet somehow deeper, he tried to follow it once when he was younger, but had only been shown a vision of a young girl looking around in a panic. He tried to speak through the tether once, like he did with Ben, only to be cut off from the bond completely with the force of a psychic scream. 

He once asked Ben, who told him it was a connection in the force that he was not yet meant to learn. Luke always wondered who the girl at the other end was, and why she never reached back, but after being cast out, he left it alone. 

Finally he reached for the bond that was always there and pulled lightly, almost crying with joy, when he was answered almost instantly. 

Luke! Where are you, what happened, are you safe?

I'm safe Ben, I'm in a ship heading back to Lothal, Ezra had a bad plan, we ended up getting chased by Stormtroopers the only way out was to jump on a ship with some smugglers, but I think they're okay…

We will talk about all of that soon, but for now I need you to promise me something Luke, stay where you are. If you are safe with these people, stay with them. Someone has come to Lothal, and it is safer for you to stay away from Capital City.

Ben, I don't understand, why wouldn't you want me to come home?

Luke. I promise, I will explain everything soon. For right now however, I need you to stay there. I will find you it is no longer safe here. 

Luke froze, and could feel a stab of ice into his heart, making him lose part of his grasp on the force. It almost felt like somehow someone was probing the bond. No not probing the bond almost consuming it a cold force that reminded him of the swirling darkness that surrounded the spot in the force his father should have been. It was terrifying he had never felt anything like it. The cold threatening to swallow him whole. It blanketed the force around them, and Luke almost pulled away, being calmed only when Ben once more spoke through their bond.

Calm down Luke, remember your training, the force will be with you, and no matter what or however far you stray I will be with you always

Ben I'm frightened 

The force has a plan for us Luke, and something tells me it doesn't end here. Remember Luke. I love you as though you are my own son, and I will see you soon, this I promise.

Luke was pulled from his meditation then, a rough hand on his shoulder

"Wake up kid, time to move, grab a crate, pull your weight" Zeb instructed, before he stomped out of the room. Luke looked outside and saw Lothal's twin moons shining through the front window of the ship.

[shoutosteakettle]

⤷ pairing: natsuo todoroki x fem!rreader

⤷ genre: slight angst, fluff

⤷ word count: 2418

⤷ warnings: maybe ooc natsuo 

⤷ a/n: i am so fucking excited to post this fic because it is my first fic for a server collab!! check out the rest of the fics for the collab here, everyone on the list is such a talented writer and i know that they put a lot of effort into their fics. and as always, thank you @ererokii for the beautiful banner for this fic,, i love you aims 

☆彡

You have memories from one year ago today!

You looked at the notification on your phone, trying your best not to let the tears biting at the corner of your eyes spill out onto your cheeks. Even though you know you shouldn’t have, you opened the app; your eyes immediately darted towards the face of your ex. It had only been a couple weeks since he parted ways with you, but you had already forgotten just how handsome he was, and just how happy you used to be.

“Fuck!”

Your pained yelp was loud enough to startle the elderly couple sitting on the bench in front of you. You got up, brushed the dirt off your skirt, and sent a bow to them as a quick sorry for your vulgar language. When you straightened your back to stand up, your shoulders still slightly hunched, you looked in front of you, losing sight of why you had come here in the first place – not sure you ever really had a reason.

It was hard to keep track of your thoughts when you were overwhelmed by the amazingly beautiful scenery in front of you. The warm colors of the wilting leaves on the autumn trees paired almost perfectly with the fairy lights strung from them, lighting the path of food stands, game booths, and street performers as if it was art taken from the pages of a fairytale book.

As you trailed the path you had many times before, though you were usually accompanied by the person you thought you would love you forever, you let the nostalgia wash over you, almost completely forgetting about the stabbing pain in your right ankle for a minute or two. But you were brought back to your less than desirable reality when you found your face buried in the broad chest of a stranger. You limped backward, fully ready to apologize profusely to the stranger, but your breath hitched, and you couldn’t find the words to do so when you caught sight of his face.

The first thing you noticed was the definition in his jaw, the bones shaped as if was done by the gods themselves. Your eyes took note of just how clear his skin was, absent of even the slightest imperfections (despite being a full-time college student). In all your awe, you hadn’t noticed that his eyes were tracing your face in the exact same way. Taking in everything from the volume of your hair to the shape of your nose. It wasn’t until your eyes met his did you finally say something, “I- I’m so sorry, I must not have been paying attention.” You sent him a curt bow before standing back up and continuing on your limped journey for the infirmary.

But you stopped your steps once again when the white-haired male that you had run into placed a hand on your shoulder. “Are you okay,” he asked, gently turning you around, noticing the way you were trying to avoid putting pressure on your right foot.

“Yeah, I just- I think I sprained my ankle,” you told him, not even bothering to hold back the pained expression on your face anymore.

“Oh? That’s perfect- this is the nurses’ booth,” he said, pointing to the sign hanging from the hem of the tent.

“So, what happened,” he asked, rummaging behind his desk, most likely looking for what he would need to get you patched up.

You cringed at the memory as it replayed in your head in response to his question. “I was, uh, distracted on my phone and ended up missing a step going down the stairs, I took a little tumble, and here we are,” you explained, still mortified by the whole ordeal, but smiling to yourself about the way he chuckled at your last comment.

You watched him rise from his squatted position, ice and bandages in hand, before striding over to the cot you had situated yourself on. He sat down his supplies on the table next to you, making small talk as he rolled over the stool from his desk to the foot of your cot. “May I,” he asked his hands hovering above your right foot. Understanding he needed to take off your pump to help you out, you gave him a shy nod. 

You felt your cheeks heat up at the sight of the chipped nail polish on your toes. You meant to get them done; you just hadn’t gotten around to it yet, what with all the self-loathing. You jumped at the feeling of his hands on your skin. 

“Cold right,” he laughed, looking up to send you a quick smile, “I get it from my mom.” His smile looked sad, like there was a lot more emotion behind it then he was letting on. 

“So why are you here instead of enjoying the festival,” you asked him. He looked pretty young, around your age, so it was hard to believe he was actually a nurse.

“I’m actually in Uni, my first year. I’m majoring in health and welfare; extra credit for one of my classes was tending to the booth,” he explained, not looking at you, but rather focused on examining your ankle. You didn’t mind though; he had the most beautiful side profile and was truly a joy to look at. Everything from the lack of color in his hair and how it framed his face perfectly, to the length of his eyelashes and how they [make blinking sexy]. He went to ask you a question in return but was cut off when you let out a sharp hiss in return to his fingers pressing a little too hard on your ankle.

“Yeah, it’s definitely sprained,” he confirmed, looking up to see your face completely drained of little positivity it had before. “Don’t worry babes, this is what we’re gonna do.” You watched with glossy eyes as he rolled over to pick up the ice pack sitting on the table next to you before rolling back over to take another look at your ankle.

“We’ll use ice to help with the swelling and hopefully some of the pain, yeah,” he said very matter of factly despite the questioning tone of his voice. He looked up to you once again, waiting for a sign of confirmation that you were following him, so you sent him another shy nod. “We’ll do this for around 15 minutes. What time is now?”

You grabbed your phone from on top of the table next to you, tapping the screen and seeing the numbers 8:53 shine across the top. “It’s 8:53,” you repeated, reading the numbers off of your home screen.

“It’s already that late,” he questioned more to himself than anyone else. “So 9:03, go ahead and set a timer, so we don’t lose track of time.” You did as he asked, ignoring the smile of your ex as you swiped out of that app and onto the clock app, putting in fifteen minutes into the timer and pressing start.

“So what are you doing here at the festival,” he asked, finally taking a good look at you for the first time since you ran into him outside.

“Um,” you started, looking for an answer you could give him. “I come here every year to celebrate my anniversary.”

“Oh, you’re married,” he asked, taking a second look at your hand, dreading that he might see a ring he missed at first glance.

You feel your cheek heat up at the thought of marriage, how nice that would be. “No, actually, I’m recently single,” you clarified for him, shifting uncomfortably in the awkward silence following.

After a minute or two, perhaps the longest in your life, you found it in you to look him in the eyes again, only to find his were already looking back at you. “It’s probably for the best. Everything happens for a reason, and all of that, right?”

“Right,” you chuckled in response. Of all the ways you looked at your breakup trying to put reason behind your ex’s sudden, I think we’d be better off apart, never had you once looked at it as it was just fate. Your relationship being simply not meant to be, but maybe that was the best way to see it.

“What about you, are you in a relationship,” you asked, not meaning to come off as desperate as you're sure you sounded.

“Unless you're asking about the intense love-hate relationship that I have with my textbooks, then no,” he said, laughing with you at his own joke. “Why do you ask?”

You felt your cheeks heat up once again at his sudden inquiry, and for what felt like the thousandth time today, you found yourself without an answer to his question. “Just curious,” were the two words you were miraculously able to get out without stuttering.

“You said you were majoring in health and welfare, right,” you asked, desperately trying to detour the conversation from the topic of relationship status.

“Yeah.”

“So you want to be a doctor,” you asked, tilting your head to the side just a bit so you could get a better view of his face.

“That’s the plan,” he answered, keeping in line with his usual jokey tone.

“Why is-”

“I think it’s my turn to ask a question or two,” he suggested, cutting you off with the most teasing voice.

“Are you in Uni,” he asked. Your face, while beautiful, was an unfamiliar one.

“Yeah, but I go to school in Tokyo,” you said, a little embarrassed at the fact that you drove so far just to reminisce a little.

“That’s pretty cool! The city life over there is pretty exciting, right,” he asked, sounding almost awestruck.

“Yeah! I don’t go out much, but when I do, I always have a lot of fun,” you gushed, unable to keep the smile off your face as the memories came rushing back to you.

“Maybe I’ll have to come up there and take you out sometime,” he laughed, playing it off as a joke, but you didn’t miss the wink that he sent your way. 

“I think I would really enjoy that,” you smiled, watching as a soft pink tinted his cheeks at your sudden bluntness.

“I-”

Just as he was about to say something in return, the timer you had set went off, the sound of the phone’s default ringtone blaring throughout the room.

“Alrighty,” he groaned, taking the ice off of your ankle and rolling over to the bedside table one last time. He put down the ice and picked up the bandages before rolling over the foot of your cot once again. You winced at the feeling of pain when he reached for your ankle. You could see it in his face that he was hurting for you as he wrapped up your foot. You're sure he said something doctorly about how compression was supposed to help with the swelling but you were too focused between the delicate work of his hands and the look on his face as he concentrated to pay attention.

It wasn’t until the feeling of your pump being placed back on your foot did you finally realize that he was finished. You set yourself down on two feet, listening to his advice about not putting too much pressure on your right foot. But even without walking on it, your right foot still hurt like a bitch.

“I can help you out,” he offered, already sweeping you off your feet before you had a chance to politely decline, sure that he had better things to do than helping you for any longer.

You couldn’t stop the soft giggle that left you as relaxed in his arms, feeling like you were right at home. Like this is where you were supposed to be there. Like he was made for you and you, him.

“It’s really pretty out here in the moonlight, huh,” you questioned rhetorically, the lights that shone in the streets reflecting in your eyes just like stars twinkled in the night sky.

“Yeah, it really is,” he agreed, but his eyes weren’t on the scenery. They were focused on you. Taking in your face all over again in fear that he might forget just how beautiful you were in the time between now and whenever the next time you see him is, that is, if he ever sees you again.

As he carried you bridal style through the festivities that was the fall festival and through the parking lot to your car, silence overcame the two of you, but unlike before, this silence was comfortable, nothing but the murmurs of people indulging in conversations and the crunch of leaves under your savior’s feet every now and then. No words were needed; if anything, they would probably ruin this moment between you and him. You couldn’t remember the last time you felt this at home with someone, but you certainly wouldn’t say that you minded the feeling. Despite his cold hands on your skin, your heart was overflowing with warmth, and it was all because of him.

“Which is yours,” he asked, nodding his head towards the cars. When you pointed out yours, he took his last couple of steps with you in his arms before carefully setting you down in front of your car. You weren’t ready to say goodbye yet. You wanted a little more time with him.

“Oh my god, I never got your name,” you confessed, mentally kicking yourself for forgetting something so important.

“Don’t sweat it. I’m Natsuo, Natsuo Todoroki.” 

“Well, Natsuo, Natsuo Todoroki,” you began, playfully mocking his cliche answer to your previous question, “would you mind giving me your number,” you asked, offering him your phone.

“Of course not,” in return for your he handed you his phone already opened to the contact app, and ready for you to input your information. 

“I don’t give that out to just anyone, so make sure you put it to good use,” he winked, taking his phone from you and turning around to walk back to his booth, but not without stealing one last glance from you as you climbed inside your car.

As you suffered the pain that was driving with a sprained ankle, there was only one thing running through your mind that distracted you from it all; Natsuo Todoroki was starting to look like a person you could make new memories with.

[besidemethewholedamntime]

how i wonder what you are

a very happy birthday gift for the always wonderful @libbyweasley !! You are an absolutely wonderful bean, Libby, and I hope you are having a marvellous day because you deserve it!! You’re so friendly and thoughtful and kind and just absolutely amazingly talented! We’re all lucky to have you <3

a big thank you to the always lovely @bluengbhd for being herself, but also for help in proofreading :)

Summary: 

'He materialises seemingly out of nowhere, silently replacing the stars in front of her, but she’s hardly surprised. They’ve become rather good at finding one another over the years. She waits for questions, for him to voice what’s been on his face all day, but instead he simply drops something on her stomach and says, “you’re old enough to know that you shouldn’t be out here without a jacket.”'

Jemma's first birthday back home. It's a little different but she still has her family, and she still has the stars.

{read on ao3}

or read the first little bit below!

He finds her lying on her back in the middle of the grass, looking up at the night sky.

They are relatively untroubled by light pollution this far out from the main city, and if she were so inclined, she could trace out the constellations she has known since she was a little girl, her finger dancing across the sky. It used to be a habit for her when she was younger but like so many other things over the years it’s become lost, and she thinks it might break her heart to find it again.

He materialises seemingly out of nowhere, silently replacing the stars in front of her, but she’s hardly surprised. They’ve become rather good at finding one another over the years. She waits for questions, for him to voice what’s been on his face all day, but instead he simply drops something on her stomach and says, “you’re old enough to know that you shouldn’t be out here without a jacket.”

It’s not her jacket he has brought her, however. It’s his hoodie. A new one, only a few months old, but already well-loved by him, and her by extension. She slips it on with a sigh and he takes the opportunity to lie down beside her.

“I wasn’t cold,” she says, but in the warmth of his hoodie she realises that she was, a little bit.

“Liar.” Before she even turns to look at him she knows that he’ll be grinning, and there’s a small satisfaction when she turns out to be right. He takes the hand closest to him.  “Just as I thought. Freezing.”

“Ugh, Fitz,” she half-laughs. “My hands are always cold.”

“I know, I know, but the rest of you looked cold, too. Can’t have the birthday girl getting ill on her big day.”

[smolthong]

Today was such an unexpected day I'm still not fine :) okay so what happened is that I had my result day and my result was beautiful horrible and I failed a few subjects but the result or he marks have zero affect on my final exams so I'm good, but I still felt like my dad would be disappointed and would be mad. So today we went and well my teachers did say good things about me but the science teacher she didn't take a breathe while roasting me, but all day long I thought my dad was mad so I didn't talk to him much, but today over dinner I brought it up and even tho he told me yesterday and in the morning that it's totally fine and I don't need to be sad and hes happy that I'm trying, i still didn't believe him, but then I felt bad about discussing it again, so I changed the topic to how our English teacher asked us to show her our hidden talents since well we wanted a talent show so she was helping us out with it. Many students came forth to show their singing talent, and my English teacher admires me alot since English is one of my favorite and best subject, and my writing is really great so she loves me, and she had assumed that if I could write so amazingly maybe I could do anything, so after listening to a couple of students singing, she looks at me and asks me if I could sing, she usually asks me and recommends me things which remind her of me or think I'm capable of doing it, so I refuse since I can't sing and she searched for the hesitance in me but well I was being clear so she let me be. While telling this to my dad I went "just because I could write so perfectly she assumed I could do anything-" instead of laughing with me he goes "exactly, she said right, you can do anything, it's true you can do anything, what did your teachers say today? None of them said that you can't do anything, they rather said you could do anything, just that you aren't focused on doing it. Don't think you can't do anything, you are able to do everything, just you aren't focusing." And the he went on with the speech but I felt really happy, I did. :)

[vexillumalbum]

hi! I actually haven't seen you have open requests but I've read your hc about victor and I would like to see something about insecure MC with Kiro and Gavin. Like she is insecure about her body you don't have to specify anything and how would they comfort her or show her they love her.

Hi! Yeah I don’t take requests but seeing so many people asking me to post something they want I am thinking about opening some requests soon! But sure, Anon, here you have Kiro and Gavin with insecure reader. 

I would like to say that insecurities are an individual thing and and different people can perceive them differently. I based this HC on my experiences so it may be a little different from your perception of insecurities. 

Anyway I hope you like it! And remember we are all beautiful! 

“You are gorgeous” with Kiro and Gavin

Kiro

Being insecure in your own body and dating one of the most popular superstars was tough. 

And when I say tough I mean extremely tough.

On one side there were Kiro’s fans who, as soon as they learned that their idol was in a relationship, they thoroughly reviewed your life, and information about you and your photos were on every social media. 

Some were very supportive, and the comments that were written encouraged you to show up with Kiro more often. People often said you fit together very well and that you look great together. But there was also the worse part of the fanbase of Kiro, when haters posted a ton of negative comments under your photos. They wrote that you were too fat, ugly, that your hair was the wrong color, that the outfit you were wearing was terrible and you looked bad. All this was written out of pure jealousy and bitterness and you knew that but they still somehow made you feel terrible.

On the other side were all the actresses and singers and models who revolved around your boyfriend like planets around the sun and flirted with him in every possible place.

You couldn't blame them because who wouldn't want to date Kiro The Superstar™? But every time you saw one of those beautiful women sweetly smiling at your boyfriend, you wanted to sink to the ground. You couldn't possibly compete with them. They were successful, good-looking, talented and popular. They had everything that you felt you didn’t.

So there were days when you felt terrible and did not want to show up anywhere. You preferred to stay at home, on the couch, in a familiar environment where nothing could touch you - no hater or some gorgeous model.

But Kiro was having none of it.

In those particular days he would show up on your doorstep with some delicious snacks and the brightest smile. He would not force you to leave the house, but instead he would sit down with you, wrap his arms around you and hold you as long as his schedule would allow it. You could cry, rant to him about anything or just quietly hold him.

Kiro knew about your insecurities (because you told him one particular night when you two were making love on his couch that you preferred he turned off the lights and he guessed what’s going on) and often made sure to show you that for him you were the most beautiful and the most wonderful person in the whole world. 

It didn’t matter whether in the form of whispered compliments when you were cuddling or an occasional post on social media with information that you looked beautiful on a given day or that Kiro was proud of the achievements of your company (because let's face it, his Miss Chips was not only pretty but also smart), or in the form of kisses laid on every possible inch of your skin during nighttime activities.

The latter was his favorite.

“I love you here.” A kiss to you elbow. “And here.” A kiss to your collarbone. “And here.” A kiss to your breast. “And here.” A kiss to your stomach. “And here”…

“Kiro! That’s a lot of places!” You were a giggling mess by the time he finished.

“Oh well. Looks like I love all of you!”

You saw him as more than just Kiro The Superstar™ or Kiro The Actor™, you loved him for what he was, so he would be damned if he let you leave his life because of your insecurities. He would do anything to keep you happy by his side. So when those demons ate you from the inside, Kiro was there with you and he made your smile reappear every goddamn time.

Gavin

Sometimes you were looking in the mirror for too long. It wasn't something that alarmed Gavin. You obviously felt the need to do so, and if you had a problem, you would come to him. Communication was the key in your relationship, so Gavin waited patiently.

However, when another day in a row you refused to have dinner with him (and he brought you your favorite hotpot!) he had to ask. 

Gavin was a top notch agent and his observational skills were also of a high standard, but he would never have guessed that you might feel bad in your own body. This body that he held many times in his arms, which he admired naked under the covers, which he dreamed and thought about, you did not like. 

At first he was angry. At himself for not noticing during these months of your relationship how you compared yourself to every woman he has ever come in contact with. How you cried in front of the mirror and pointed your finger at places you didn't like. How sometimes you skipped meals to lose weight. And at you for not sharing it with him earlier.

Then amazingly big sadness came over him. Your boyfriend loved you with all he had and did not want any negative emotions to take place in your life, and when he found out that you needed him many times and he wasn’t there for you, it was a blow to his heart.

You cried a lot that evening. You told him everything that was weighing heavy on your heart, and he listened holding you tightly. 

Gavin had been very sweet to you before. He’d complimented you every time you’d been wearing a new dress, he’d proudly talked about your achievements (poor Eli, who had had to listen to Birdcop’s monologue for 4 hours about how wonderfully you managed your company), took you on romantic dates where you could be yourself. 

But now he took being an amazing boyfriend to a completely other level.

He was leaving you cards with short but romantic messages in places where you least expected it. Under the pillow, on the mirror, in your favorite mug. Next to your tampons

He made sure that every time a woman approached him with the intention of flirting (and let's face it, the officer is handsome as hell, women clung to him like moths to the light) so that she would know that you and only you are able to conquer his heart (he used to do that before, but now he has become more direct).

He cooked your favorite meals with you so that you would feel good eating them.

Sometimes in the evenings, sitting on the couch, he held your body close to his and whispered in your ear the things he loved and cherished about you.

“I’m in love with your eyes.” The statements were simple but they carried an important message. 

“Don’t you think they’re boring? They’re just brown.”

“Not at all. They look like pools of honey when the sun hits them. And when it’s dark they remind me of my favorite coffee and brownies made by you.” You chuckled when he peppered kisses all over your eyelids. “And you know how much I love your brownies.”

You were perfect in Gavin's eyes. Your body, your mind, your soul. He wondered many times why you had chosen him, since you could have anyone. So he decided that every day he would remind you of how much he loved you and how great he felt you were. It's the least he could do for you.

____________________________________________________

thank you so much for reading!

if you want to read more of my works they are here