#he was joking

[thedemon-crowley]

“Let daddy pay for it”

@theangel-aziraphale

[nethhiri]

“Isn’t Cortisol the guy that rescued Law?” - my husband

[clarafyer]

I named this guy Fleet, ignoring the polls I put out amongst my friends and my dad thought it was named after Fleet Farm the store rather than Fleet Foxes the band 😭

[user4737283959391918183774]

no fucking way alexi said he should coach the uswnt 😀

[mcshizzle-the-fire-boy]

was playing guitar today and the teacher told everyone to strum their E minor chord and my friend yelled "I love minors"

[bug-be-gaming]

My cousins all have the same political takes, so to fill the classic family gathering arguments one of them, denis (fake name) jade started making up fake arguments for everyone else to get annoyed at

Christmas was “computers are magic because I don’t understand them”. today (December and January birthdays) was “omelets are de*d chickes” this resulted in me, his brother, my brother, and his sister pointing at him and booing

Morel of this story is all family debates should be resolved by pointing and booing

[floral-cavern]

My brother… he is so fucking stupid, I swear.

So, my mom was talking about our Uncle’s funeral (her brother) that was a few years back and how her mom was being awful throughout the whole process, just being a manipulative and selfish pos. And at one point, she does an impression of grandma, and we all comment on how it was actually a really good impression. 

And my brother goes “Ya, you’re turning into her, mom.”

A room has never gone so quiet so fast.

[bezzplaining]

migno scolding filippo carloni for touch the visor of the helmet with his "greasy hands"

so annoying(with love) poor man lol

[arcxnumvitae]

It's tough watching other people live your dreams.

[sivavakkiyar]

In her memoir Najla Said mentions coming back to her home after her first year at college very excited about all the new theory she’s picked up, so she starts telling her dad about postmodernism and he says ‘Najla, they say I *invented* postmodernism’

[d0rky-0utfits]

Me when my friend said "I'm gonna snap your neck"

[cheezyratz]

My grandpa walked into the room and saw me watching Miguel O’Hara tiktok edits and said “do I need to call your mom”

[meowww-ffxiv]

Meowdred: Hey I've built a couple distilleries (the machines) on my island and I've been making rum. Here.

Baderon: Aye tastes good. But ye know ye gotta pay tariff on anything alcohol enterin' the Lominsan markets right?

Meowdred: LEGALLY entering the Lominsan markets.

Baderon: ��

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Knowledge Revenge.

[knockknockwhosthereartistism]

The worst trauma comes from those who you love

[goodluckdetective]

I’ve started playing dnd again and the campaign I’m in has the pitch that we all must be characters from written works. The plot is we got thrown out of our own stories and must find our way back.

I am Hamlet, a warlock who made a pact with his Dad’s ghost (it’s absolutely his Dad’s ghost, he wasn’t tricked at all, ignore the fiend patron type) to get revenge on his Uncle. But this post isn’t about him.

Because our cleric, the one entrusted with keeping the party full of heals, the only person with healing magic, is House MD.

“Wait Iz!” You cry. “House MD is a television show, not written fiction.” You’d be correct. Which is why our cleric House is not from the television show.

He’s from a fan fiction.

It’s as funny as it sounds.