#he was friends with the Madara era ppl too

[theofficialuriel]

does anyone remember that one Naruto fanfiction from 2019 called “I’m a God!!!” where the male oc gets hit by a truck and wakes up to Saiki K. just… dumping all his powers onto the OC? and then he woke up in the womb with Sasuke and he kicked the fetus so much that people in the comments thought it would come out deformed.

then the author posted a chapter that announced that they were abandoning the fic because they wrote it when they were 10

[sanjuno]

It’s another gods-be-damned Time Travel Concept Fic

Yeah so I’m calling this one A Widening Gyre because I’m not at all pretentious. XP

IN FAIR KONOHA WE SET OUR SCENE

Rin was a jinchuriki and we all know that those people don’t die easy, so she totes survives the chidori to the chest. The need to heal from near-death let Obito have his dramatic breakdown in the rain over her (not-quite) dead body plus gave Minato enough wiggle room to fix the faults and traps in Rin’s seal.

Rin was declared KIA though, and her survival was classified to protect her from Kiri trying to get the Sanbi back and also to keep the Elder Council from fucking with her. “Turtle” joins ANBU under the command of “Wolf” and they are the scariest dual act ANBU has seen for a long time. Like, holy shit. Then “Tiger” joins their team right after “Wolf” gets his Captain promotion, and the addition of Mokuton is frankly ridiculous. Then “Crow” joins the team right as Kushina announces her pregnancy and this is just. They are all approx. 4 feet tall and the most terrifying ANBU team Konoha has and no one knows how to deal with this. (There are rumours about an ANBU trainee going by “Raven” and FFS T&I isn’t paid enough to deal with this nonsense.)

Obito is a sensor (natural or trained IDK but he has that skill set) and he gets sidetracked on his way to Naruto’s birth b/c “That’s... that’s Rin.” Things happen, reunion of the Team plus “You’re alive!” drama is interrupted by Danzo being a giant bag of dicks, ROOT shenanigans ensue because Kinoe is also “Tiger” and KakaRin are possessive little shits. To say nothing of how Shisui reacts to the idea of someone being more important to his teammate than him. (Fucking Uchiha drama queens I swear...)

This is all taking place while Kushina is in labour BTW. WTF people how are you fitting this many feels into less than 12 hours I am impressed by this. Danzo was expecting Zetsu and “Madara” to back him up r.e. disposing Minato and getting the Kyuubi shoved in a more manageable host but Obito is la~ate and also KakaRin have v. strong grips, like wow do you work out?

Kakashi and his-name-is-Tenzo-now’s weird bromance drama comes to a climax when Danzo is chased back to his HQ by the Hokage’s v. pissed off guard team. (Hi Genma and Raido welcome to the madness.)

So it turns out that Danzo took over Tobirama’s old lab as ROOT’s main base but missed a few experiments pretending to be part of the security system. Oops. So Kamui plus experimental seals plus the Hiraishin markers carried by Genma and Raido and Kakashi plus an attempt to interfere with Rin’s containment seal means it all goes BOOM

Upside: Kyuubi stays sealed.

Downside: Sanbi goes on a rampage instead.

This is the last we see of the future Konoha timeline kthnksbye~eee...

NEW SCENE SETTING: THE WARRING CLANS ERA

Rin is out of it b/c Sanbi was forcibly removed from her chakra coils

Upside: She gets to keep a larger reserve of chakra than what she was born with naturally, keeps a few of the jinchuriki perks like rapid healing, and her chakra control is back to medic-inn levels for the first time in almost 2 years!

Downside: Motherfucking ow.

Rin is down, therefore Danzo did something to her so KakaObi don’t hesitate in aiming to kill. Genma and Raido trust Kakashi and back him up but oh look Danzo has stolen sharingan eyes implanted in a creepy zombie arm oh very shit forever.

EPIC SHOWDOWN!! FIGHT!!

KakaObi are scary AF and also apparently share a brain. Danzo is made v. dead before they even realize that they’ve been shot-put through time as well as space. But leftover Zetsu shit/heart seal is triggered when Danzo tries to not die but Kakashi gets in the way b/c he’s not losing Obito again. MAGIC NINJA DEATH CURSE NO JUTSU idk I’ll figure out the details later but OH NO Kakashi is poisoned and Obito is distraught b/c Kakashi just jumped on the sword for Obito again this is not a theme Obito likes to see reoccur fuck you universe.

The antidote only grows along the seashore so ANBU Team Baby Genii Ne minus Wolf do a suicide run to Wave Country and back.

Without Danzo around Kakashi, at 14 years of age, is the highest ranked Leaf Shinobi. ROOT proceeds to imprint like ducklings.

Shit friends I just realized that Kabuto is still in ROOT at this point excellent now Genma can be the poison specialist and Kabuto can be the baby medic and they can work together to keep Kakashi alive while Obito threatens to kill everything (except Rin) if Kakashi dies.

Alrighty fuck it let’s make it a party. Anko’s there too b/c she followed the mayhem b/c she knows that Danzo had something to do with Orochimaru’s defection but her Curse Seal gets the same yoink treatment as Rin’s Bijuu Seal and now Anko’s 100% doing the deputy thing while Raido arranges the patrols. (Radio may not have the highest rank in their group but he is the oldest so that’ll have to do)

Tiny baby Sai and Shin are the cutest murder babies aww... (Also get to indulge my HC that newborn Uchiha have red eyes instead of blue so Itachi and Shisui know from the get-go that Sai is an Uchiha.)

Speaking of murder babies Itachi is trying v. hard not to think about never seeing Sasuke or his parents again. (FFS Itachi is the only one of these jackasses to canonically have living parents at this point in the TL. Except Rin but TBH she’s been pretending to be dead for the last 2 years so I don’t think she counts anymore.) Itachi is going to latch onto Sai so hard as a replacement baby bro omg Itachi stahp

War interruptus via Kakashi’s ANBU team plus All The Baby ROOT Agents. This will be fun!

Team Ne is gonna bulldoze through a Senju patrol on their way out to the shore. Tobirama was not expecting a hostile Mokuton user to defend a couple of Uchiha and also the girl they were with broke a tree with her fist and then it melted. Toka definitely saves Tobirama’s pasty ass b/c his instincts forget to dodge IRT Mokuton jutsu.

Team Ne is also going to trip over an Uchiha patrol and Itachi is high-key going to not!cry b/c Izuna looks hella like Mikoto/Sasuke and Itachi misses them. Shisui does a lot of high velocity absconding with his teammates come on ppl keep running pls. Izuna is so confused by tiny Uchiha not knowing who he is and running around with some random not!Uchiha WTH?

For max drama Team Ne will blast through a big battle, interrupt Hashirama and Madara’s posturing, accidentally save Izuna’s life (thanks, Shisui) and then bravely run away without ever slowing down. Senju and Uchiha call truce while they figure out WTF is up with those kids and track them down.

This team-up thing does give both sides a chance to see the “Hashirama And Madara Show” up close. Madara lovingly and eloquently details all the many and varied ways Hashirama is an idiot (it sounds an awful lot like Tobirama’s most uncharitable thoughts re. his brother. Only blunter.) Hashirama just laughs and agrees with Madara WTF Anija? The Hashirama does his best to hug Madara to death b/c they are apparently the cuddling type of sworn enemies (Izuna is horrified and so offended. He’s the only one allowed to snuggle the grumps out of Madara!) Izuna and Tobirama are the world’s most resentful team-up ever but they’re doing their v. best to keep their older bros apart b/c no, Anija, just no.

They find the Konoha camp b/c Tobirama is a stupidly strong sensor and Hashirama can tell where the trees got bent by Mokuton. They were not expecting to find nothing but children. Raido is the oldest and he’s only like 19-ish I think? Plus ROOT kiddos are suu~uuper creepy-tactic omg.

NOW BACK IT UP A LITTLE!!

SR timeskip mostly consists of Kakashi escaping his medic, making Obito panic, and bonding with the ROOT minions (this involves a lot of spitting on Danzo’s grave TBH. They all find it v. therapeutic.) The worst of the poison’s effects are being mitigated by Genma’s antidotes and Kabuto’s treatments but that’s just a delaying tactic to prevent total system shutdown so Team Ne really needed to hurry the fuck up.

Obito is A Mess b/c Zetsu/Danzo were just using him to hit Kakashi (just like the Iwa-nin who took Kakashi’s eye and you know that means something more to an Uchiha than the standard shinobi but Obito can't fix the poison damage from progressing though spontaneous organ donation.) Kakashi keeps Obito distracted and busy growing a fortified encampment for all his adorable new minions. Genma and Raido are just glad not to have the terrifying Uchiha powerhouse threatening to turn them inside out every 10 minutes thanks muchly.

Captain Wolf has already managed to take over as the focus of the ROOT agent’s personality cult. Obito is now the leading member of the Kakashi fan club (b/c Tenzo is off on the SR at the time, nat.) Genma and Raido are Concerned b/c Kakashi hasn’t been emotionally stable since he was 6 y/o there’s no way him being a role model for 100 brainwashed baby assassins will end well.

Anko thinks everything is hysterical and she’s so glad she stuck her nose in where it wasn’t wanted this is better than Icha Icha. Izumi’s just happy someone got her away from Danzo before he could fuck up her head/mess with her eyes too much. (This was the most horrible side effect of her betrothal to Itachi being announced how did Danzo even get her out of the compound FFS?)

11th hour arrival by Team Ne with the antidote means Rin, Genma, Kabuto, Obito, and Tenzo are all v. busy when the Uchiha/Senju combo team find the Konoha camp.

So then Kakashi wakes up after being cured and there’s more weirdness b/c Obito has both his eyes but Kakashi’s left eye is still red and works like a Sharingan but it isn’t a sharingan obvs. but they still share a field of vision and Obito’s left eye is silver when the sharingan is turned off and Rin is 100% done with both of them defying medical convention. There is a lot of head scratching and pointing of fingers before they hug it out is what I’m saying.

Team Ne thinks this is adorable and super romantic and the entire camp ships it so hard you have no idea. I might make this Rin Demi-Ace b/c then her crush on 9 y/o Kakashi when she’s 13 is much more understandable. (A squish just fits better to the situation IMHO.) Also ace!Rin would 100% be the one to join forces with bb!Kabuto to create (recreate? precreate?) Orochimaru’s test-tube-baby no jutsu in the WCE.

SRTS IS DONE NOW YAY NOW TO FUCK WITH THE FOUNDERS

Raido is A Wall and he never anticipated using his ANBU training to waylay the 1st and 2nd Hokage WTF is even his life but Teamwork! and TWOF means Standing Strong even if Uchiha Madara is Scary AF wow and Raido thought seeing Fugaku-dono walk into a room was bad.

Kakashi is cured (yay!) and also gets to arrive dramatically on the scene of confrontation and verbally bitchslap everyone into calming TF down b/c I Have A Headache And I’m Tired Of Your Shit. Rabidly overprotective ObiRin are rabid and overprotective. Also Obito is super Uncanny Valley b/c he looks just like Madara and Tobirama is busy having a heart attack b/c this “Captain” person has Itama’s eyes (red and grey) and Tenzo has Mokuton and is maybe reminding him too much of Kawarama and also Itachi has the same grump lines as Madara and Shisui has Izuna’s smile.

Yeah so everyone from the WCE is pretty much convinced that their “dead” siblings were kidnapped instead and the large number of Clan children Danzo kidnapped for ROOT doesn’t actually do much except convince them they’re right. Kakashi OFC decides to play along WTF you giant troll and what the Captain says goes so the tiny minions aren’t arguing and Genma’s like FFS it’s the WCE I want to live agree with the terrifying figures of legend already you idiots.

Note that at this point Obito is still gaslighted to believe that Madara wants world peace and no wars ever and irony at it’s best is that this iteration of Madara is still at the point in his life where he actually does still have solid moral objections to children dying b/c their Clan Leaders can’t keep a fucking peace treaty. So yeah.

Tobirama and Madara are in raptures over their “little brothers” still being alive and also found. Obito is v. affectionate b/c he “remembers” Madara. Shisui is also super cuddly. Itachi mostly just stares and is confused by human interaction. Kakashi is Fierce and nearly feral and makes Hashirama cry a bit and Tobirama is So Mad b/c Itama was a gentle boy what happened and Tenzo was Kinoe until literally just last week and he’s v. much not the happy kid Kawarama was.

So much jealousy when Kakashi lets Obito cuddle him. Kakashi Ignores Them and just keeps commanding everyone around while being princess carried by the homicidal Uchiha. Which... Obito having Mouton confuses the Senju team so much but Hashirama is so excited b/c Tenzo (”Kawarama!” / “My name is Tenzo, Senju-dono.”) has Mokuton too and now he has people to practice with!

So that whole thing where the Senju and the Uchiha HATE each other b/c dead kids gets massively derailed like whoa b/c look they’re alive and also someone else has been playing silly buggers to make all the Clans keep doing the War Things so. So the Senju and the Uchiha still don’t like each other much but they hate ROOT more. Zetsu circa. WCE finds it 111% impossible to manipulate things from behind the scenes b/c They’re On To Him.

So Konoha gets founded like 10 to 15 years earlier than in canon b/c none of the Konoha-nin are willing to leave their Captain and also strength in numbers b/c someone’s been stealing our babies is really up there so far as motivation to maintain cordial relations with other Ninja Clans goes. Other Clans joining Konoha happens both faster and with more issues b/c ROOT kids are many things but normally socialized is not one of them.

Do I hate Kakashi enough to make him Shodaime? TBH it’d be hella funny and the other Nations Are Not Prepared for trolling on Kakashi’s level even if it’s just baby troll Kakashi.

POLITICS and ninja diplomacy ensue.

TBH I just wanna see Tobirama slam Madara up against a wall and fuck him crosseyed. Hashirama was Not Emotionally Prepared to realize that his little brothers and their libidos were already acquainted. Izuna decides that Itachi is his favourite b/c Itachi’s the only one not fucking a Senju. (Joke’s on him though b/c both polyamory and Senju Toka are things that exist.)

Endgame is for TobiMada, ObiKakaRin, ShiTen, MitoHashi, TokaIzuKanna (Kanna is my OC stand-in for Izuna’s unnamed canonical wife), ItaIzumi, GenRai. Not sure that it’s much important b/c Romance not really a major plot point and also Kakashi is 14 y/o through this whole thing but also ninja mature quick so maybe it’s more important that I think it’s gonna be? I dunno whatevs guys that’s all I’ve got except for maybe some timestamps later.

TA DAH THE END!!

Anyway yeah, I needed to get this written down somewhere b/c it would not Leave Me Alone while I was trying to write other things.