#he wants so bad to tell everyone that thirsty is about Taemin having a piss kink but Taemin won't let him

[katrinawritesthings]

Jonghyun/Taemin ; number one fan ; PG

Taemin being famous and Jonghyun being not and they're dating and Jonghyun has a Blog where he pretends to be Taemins boyfriend

Taemin thinks it's the funniest thing in the world and his number one favorite thing about being a celebrity. He figures, right now in the closet, it's just funny and harmless, and if he ever decides to actually come out, it'll be absolutely fucking hilarious when he points everyone to the joke blog and tells them that everything on it is 100% factually accurate.

Taemin wakes up the same way he always does: curled up like a shrimp, legs and arms sprawled in front of him, in a puddle of his own drool, and with Jonghyun's arm heavy over his waist. He breathes in deep, inching his head backwards to a dry patch of the pillow. He doesn't try opening his eyes yet. He knows it'll just hurt.

Instead, he tries to remember what he was dreaming about. Something about an orgy? No, it was supposed to be an orgy/movie night/sleepover, but then him and everyone that was there got too invested in the movies and they wound up forgetting to have sex. And then in the morning they woke up at the lake for some reason. Lizzo was there.

Taemin cannot fathom what the fuck his dreams are ever talking about, but at least they're fun. He swallows, then coughs, clearing his throat of morning gunk. He tries opening his eyes; it hurts, but not so bad that he can't blink them hard and get over it. The curtains are only cracked a little bit so it's not too bright in the room. On his dresser, the clock says it's 7:30. Not bad. He yawns, turning into the pillow, then mumbling and grumbling into the pillow because even though his body thought it was time to wake up, that doesn't mean he has to appreciate it.

"Good morning, starshine," Jonghyun sings gently against the back of his head. His arm tightens around Taemin's waist and soon his whole body is pressing up against Taemin’s back. Taemin deflates a little, half sighing, half laughing into the pillow. Good morning starshine indeed. He mumbles back his own greeting in between Jonghyun kissing the back of his neck. "Can I tell all of your lovely fans that you turbo farted for like 20 seconds in your sleep?" Jonghyun asks him, cute and peppy like he's been wide awake for a while.

"Did I fucking really?" Taemin laughs. He worms around until he's facing Jonghyun, blinking at him with crusty eyes. Jonghyun's eyes are round and bright, just like his smile. His pink hair sticks up at odd angles and Taemin reaches up to pat it down.

"Absolutely you did," he confirms. "You woke me up, dude."

"God," Taemin laughs. He believes it, but still. What the fuck. "Sure,” he says. Jonghyun can put that on his blog.

Taemin wouldn't even call it a blog, honestly. More of a performance art piece. All Jonghyun does on it is pretend to be Taemin's boyfriend. Taemin doesn't want to be out to the general public, and he definitely doesn't want the general public knowing about his boyfriend. More for Jonghyun’s safety than his own. But Jonghyun is the type that likes to show off and brag about his boyfriend, so he started the blog as a joke, pretending to be a fan that was a little too attached to his favorite celebrity.

He takes selfies that Taemin has posted to his instagram or fantaken pictures and very badly edits himself into them like they're couple pictures. Sometimes he even takes pictures of Taemin standing with another celebrity and just pastes his head on top of the other person and pretends like it's a real picture of the two of them. He gives out personal details of Taemin's life, but only things like the time he dropped an entire bowl of cereal onto the floor, or that he has an oviposition kink, or when he turbo farts in his sleep.

Originally it was just supposed to be a fun little thing, an inside joke, but then Jonghyun started getting followers. A lot of followers. Followers that get that it's a joke and think it's funny, followers that understand that it's fake but are ravenously angry at him anyway, followers that can't figure out if it's real or not and keep messaging him to ask for clarification, followers that believe it's real and send in their various opinions about it.

Taemin thinks it's the funniest thing in the world and his number one favorite thing about being a celebrity. He figures, right now in the closet, it's just funny and harmless, and if he ever decides to actually come out, it'll be absolutely fucking hilarious when he points everyone to the joke blog and tells them that everything on it is 100% factually accurate.

Taemin had closed his eyes again while he was thinking, but they're drawn open once more by the sound of his phone vibrating on the headboard. Bluh. He reaches up for it, slapping around until he finds it and checking who's calling him. His manager.

"Yeah? Hi," he answers, not bothering to sound like he didn't just wake up. His manager says hello good morning, tells him that he has a reality show to film for soon, and that he'll be there to pick him up in an hour, what does he want from the coffee place? Taemin asks for a little coffee in his milk, a strawberry frappuccino for Jonghyun, reminds his manager to get something for himself too, and flops his phone back up on the headboard when the call is over.

"Busy bee business?" Jonghyun asks, arching one eyebrow behind his phone. Taemin chuckles, sliding his arm over Jonghyun and pushing his face into his chest.

"Just the one show and then dance practice today, I think," he says. Easy day. Fun day. He'll be back home to get snuggles and smooches before he knows it. "What are you going to do today?" He asks. He always likes knowing what his favorite little strawberry is up to.

"Writing, probably," Jonghyun shrugs. "How come you don't like bugs?"

"What?" Taemin asks, baffled, and then, a second later, "oh." Oh, right, the questions from his adoring fans. "I don't know, they're, like, gross," he mumbles. "Like, they're cool, and interesting, and good for the planet, but they're gross. And they fly at you. What's up with that? Mind your own business." He yawns, rolling over to his back. Bluh. If he has to be out in an hour then he better start stretching. He lurches to a sitting position and straightens his legs out under the covers, reaching for his toes. "I used to eat ants, though," he mumbles, remembering suddenly. "When I was little. They had a weird crunch but after that they had a good mouthfeel."

Jonghyun doesn't reply to that; he just laughs, snorting into his palms, and then goes back to typing on his phone. Taemin smiles to himself as he continues his stretching. He likes making Jonghyun laugh.

He finishes his routine, then sits there in the middle of the bed and grumbles about how he doesn't want to get up until Jonghyun ruffles his hair and smooches his cheeks and tells him that he'll do a good job at work today. Then, feeling sufficiently energized and supported, he slouches out of bed and into the bathroom. He finishes all of that business and returns to flop directly on top of Jonghyun and tickle and kiss and drip his wet hair all over him until his manager texts him that he's at the door.

"Come get your coffee," he tells Jonghyun over his loud laughter, grabbing his wrist and tugging him out of bed. Jonghyun follows, nuzzling his shoulder, touching his butt, and striking up a little conversation with Taemin's manager while Taemin rifles around in the kitchen for something to eat in the car.

Armed with a banana and a homemade blueberry muffin that he’ll never tell Jonghyun is kind of dry, Taemin gets one last smooch on the cheek and heads out with his manager. In the car, he listens to what he’s supposed to do today, bothers and teases his manager a little bit, checks the news on his phone, and is bored within 10 minutes.

"I'm going to do a livestream," he says.

"Kay. Don't tell everyone you're working on a new album or I will steal your vocal cords out of your nostrils.”

"I'm going to sing the entire song," Taemin says, grinning when his manager shakes his head. He won't. But he knows that his manager can never be sure if he's joking or not. Something him and Jonghyun have in common, he guesses.

And speaking of Jonghyun, Taemin sees him in his chat a couple minutes after he starts. Saying things like uwu hi babyyyyyy and I forgive you farting on me <3 and can't wait to see you back home later!!!

Taemin barely suppresses the monumental urge to roll his eyes. Jonghyun is so cute and so funny, all the time. He talks to the rest of his fans, reading and appreciating every message Jonghyun sends but not replying to any of them. If there's one thing he thinks is even funnier than Jonghyun's blog, it's pretending to have absolutely no idea about it no matter how many times people send him links and ask him about it.

Which, usually, isn't a problem, but–when Taemin was little, he ate ants n liked it, Jonghyun types. And usually, his comments get lost in the sea of everyone else's, but this time, everyone seems to latch onto that and before Taemin even realizes what's happening, his chat is filled with ant emojis and lmaos and not a single person saying that they disbelieve it for once.

And for the first time, Taemin is grumpy about the blog. He wants so badly to clarify, to say that he didn't like it, they just had a good mouthfeel, but he can't. And Jonghyun knows that. And Taemin knows that Jonghyun knows that Taemin knows that Jonghyun knows.

fucked up. As soon as they arrive at the recording studio and Taemin ends the stream, he sends Jonghyun a single >:( text message. Immediately, Jonghyun sends a single :3c text back.

Taemin can't stay mad at that. He sends back a heart and slots this phone into his pocket. Whatever. It's not like that's even close to the most embarrassing thing Jonghyun has said about him on that blog anyway.