#he truly devotes his life to arthur

[stellarhistoria]

it's going to be so cute when they're an official couple i think

[gdn7-dollopole]

How normal was for Arthur to dream of Merlin or to call his name in his sleep, that during the episode, “The Diamond of the Day”, Gwen didn’t even question him, but told him that, “It was just a dream”, because she believed that if Arthur woke up that distressed and about Merlin, he must have seen something so horrendous that he worried about him to the point of calling his name as he startled awake.

Yet, Arthur responded with, “It didn’t feel like a dream.”

He didn’t even question why Merlin had told him what to do, or how he knew about it.

He was still shocked when he found out he had magic, so it meant that it hadn’t been the first time Arthur had woken up thinking about Merlin, or about something he had told him during the day.

And what if both Arthur and Merlin unconsciously told each other things without using words and the reason behind why they stared so much into each other’s eyes was because they couldn’t understand why they could feel what the other was feeling and therefore listen to the other’s emotions?

When Merlin stared into the crystal into the Crystal Cave, before reaching Arthur, he saw the moments he had spent with him in a brief flash, those in which he had saved him, and one of these was when he was about to die and so he had helped Arthur with his blue ball of light escape to safety during season one.

This just reinforces the theory that they have a telepathic bond.

Arthur trusted Merlin with his entire being, with his life, that even if it meant putting at risk his men, his wife, he listened to what Merlin had told him in his dream, and acted on it.

But most importantly, Merlin told Arthur he was sorry he had to leave him, that he hoped one day he would have understand.

God, Merlin thought the both of them still had so much time.

But Arthur only wanted him by his side during his final battle.

The only thing he cared about when Merlin found him, was that it took him time, because he had felt alone for the first time, after so many years, and he wasn’t used to it anymore.

Arthur had finally got rid of that solitude he had, he was so attached to Merlin, so devoted, so trusting of his judgment above anyone else’s, that he couldn’t cope without Merlin being with him even in such a dangerous situation.

“Alright, it’s true. I came back because you’re the only friend I have and I couldn’t bare to lose you.”

Arthur couldn’t understand what had gone wrong the day before, when they had played dice and had fun. Arthur didn’t know about Merlin’s magic, they had gone to worse quests together so no, Arthur was being grumpy and an idiot when he called Merlin a coward before they parted ways, but he didn’t believe it one second.

Arthur, as he slept, as he dressed for battle and as he fought, thought that he had done something irreparable to Merlin, and that he wouldn’t have been able to fix whatever that was, because he believed that this would have actually been it.

He was going to die.

Arthur knew it, as he also knew that like any other day and after any other banter, Merlin would have woken him up and go with him, but when he didn’t see him, he worried so much that the moment he heard Merlin in his sleep, he couldn’t stop what he was about to do.

He did not care about the war anymore, or about his men. Arthur left Gwen, of all people, to go in search of Merlin, thinking that if he followed his voice, followed what Merlin had told him, he would have finally see him again.

Even Arthur’s values and thoughts and over all life had changed completely once he met Merlin.

And his life had no meaning without him, that he became so devoted to the point of destruction.

He knew that if he had listened to Merlin, he wouldn’t have been stabbed by Mordred, so he paid the consequences.

What Arthur truly cared about was that if he had to go forever, then he wanted to die by Merlin’s side.

Because they had always been together, no matter what.

‘Until death do us part.’

For Arthur, not even death would have made him say goodbye to Merlin for all eternity.

And that was enough for him.

[gldnstrngs]

i respect people who don’t ship merthur but i feel like it cant be denied that, no matter who you ship, merlin was very clearly in love with arthur.

there are so many scenes in the entire show that indicate how merlin feels— even if he doesn’t explicitly say it, he doesn’t have to because his actions show it. plus he says things that either mean ��i love you” or more than that.

at first, merlin didn’t like arthur (but also wanted arthur to trust him) and initially followed the prophecy in order to allow magic in camelot again. it’s pretty soon after that, no matter how much they fight, merlin didn’t just want arthur alive because of the prophecy, but also because he cared for him.

that’s shown when merlin and arthur are fighting over who will drink the poisoned cup; one could argue that merlin only did it because of arthur’s fate, but the way he’s absolutely heartbroken when he thought arthur was dead says way more than that. it was never really about the prophecy at that point.

but what solidifies it is the last episode of season one. the scene where merlin goes to check on arthur before he goes to see nimueh will ALWAYS be on my mind because it’s so obviously a love confession.

“i’m happy to be your servant, till the day i die.”

like. bro. the way they stare at each other after that too. and when he sees nimueh and says about arthur— “his life is worth a hundred of mine.” i don’t think merlin was just saying that because of arthur’s destiny, but because he truly genuinely loved arthur so much that he couldn’t stand to see him die.

and this is all in the span of a few months. my boy fell hard fr.

there are so many other scenes i can think of like in season two when arthur and merlin are trying to find balinor and they’re at the inn and in their room. the way merlin was doing a double take when arthur took off his shirt (there’s actually no heterosexual explanation for that💀) was CRAZY (someone pls link fics that are based on that scene bc that was so insane).

or in season 4 when arthur thinks gaius is a traitor (which i also refer to as Merlin’s Tolerate It era) and merlin is so distraught. obviously losing gaius was on his mind but the thought that arthur, the person he had complete and utter fate in and loved, could ever think that gaius would betray him absolutely destroyed him. or when merlin tells arthur that gaius would never betray him… like that’s such a clearly loaded statement where he’s saying “i would never betray you.”

there’s also the fact that in the season four finale merlin makes up all of this lore just so arthur could believe in himself. merlin’s face the entire time is just so telling like that is the face of someone who is so devoted to their lover.

there are so many hints that indicate merlin being in love with arthur like i don’t think it needed to be said outright for the audience to know. i think the both of them being men makes it easier to try to depict their relationship as solely platonic or brotherly, but merlin’s words and actions say otherwise.

i mean, merlin himself says “i use it [magic] for you, arthur. only for you.”

if that isn’t gay, then i don’t know what is.

[ahqkas]

Can I request kissing headcanons for Charles Smith and Arthur Morgan with gn!s/o please?

THE KISS OF LIFE ; arthur morgan & charles smith

PAIRING! arthur morgan x gn!reader, charles smith x gn!reader

SYNOPSIS! how his kisses constantly bring out the joy of life

RED DEAD REDEMPTION 2 MASTERLIST!

ARTHUR MORGAN IS A ROUGH MAN. Everyone knows. From the people he considers family to the strangers he meets on the streets. His shell is strong to keep him intact but even the strongest breaks.

To you, he’s hopelessly devoted.

His kisses carry the scent of nature - fresh pine, flowers’ scent. They also carry the spicy side as well - the smoke of cigarettes, the faintest hint of gunpowder. The characters of his kisses are the same. They can be gentle and sweet and they can be rough and desperate.

He’s a man of a few words, but his kisses show exactly what he wants to say. A kiss can communicate thousands of words.

A protective edge seeps to his kisses when he returns from a particularly dangerous mission, where his wits and strength were tested to the maximum. He’s gripping at your waist, thighs, and jaw that night as if reassuring himself he’s really there and you won’t just vanish into the thin air.

Life with the Van der Linde gang means moments alone are rare, especially with the noisy members. Arthur often steals kisses in hidden places or when no one’s looking. He doesn’t need to have Sean hanging on his shoulders, chuckling about forbidden love. But those kisses turn into something else quicker than anything when the moon is high enough on the dark sky. His affection is no longer timid but rather bold, messy kisses placed anywhere the skin of your body shows up uncovered by clothing. He’s making up for the times he couldn’t kiss you openly and he sure does know the way to convince you.

CHARLES, KNOWN FOR HIS CALM DEMEANOR, APPROACHES EVERY KISS WITH THE SAME THOUGHTFUL INTENSITY. When he’s kissing you, it feels like he’s truly present in the moment, giving you all of his attention and care. His kisses are slow. Each one a vow of loyalty and love.

The man’s kisses are often followed by the essence of nature as he’s always spending the time outside in the wilderness. There’s a distinct freshness to them, a mix of earth and pine. When his lips meet yours, it’s like suddenly being surrounded by the tall trees and growing plants. He’s always warm and inviting for you, and there’s a sense of peace that comes with every kiss, as if he’s sharing a piece of his own inner calmness with you.

He cups your face every time he kisses you with a gentle hand, his thumbs softly tracing your cheeks as his lips brush against yours.

However, when passion takes over, Charles’ kisses become more intense, more needy. His usually composed behavior crumbles and even through the thought of it seems scary, he doesn’t mind when it’s with you. He pulls you closer, trying to show you things he can’t say.

Regardless of the situation, kisses with Charles always leave you feeling cherished and loved. He has a way of making you feel like you’re standing on top of the world. Whenever it’s a soft peck on the forehead to soothe your worries or a passionate kiss that sets your heart racing, Charles enjoys all of it.

© ahqkas — all rights reserved. even when credited, these works are prohibited to be reposted, translated or modified.

[1-800-apricot]

imagine dancing with arthur morgan

Thinking about dancing with Arthur Morgan late at night. The night had now aged and people had found their way to bed. But you and Arthur remained awake. Perhaps his senses had been dulled by a couple swallows of bourbon. And perhaps your own mind had been lightened by the impending sleepiness. 

It was a rare instance of true emotional intimacy with Arthur Morgan. A man raised and trained for crime. A man who might’ve been a lover but rarely moved past practical romance. Yes there were instances that could be mistaken for the intimacy of deeply intertwined lovers. However, that was nothing more than fool’s gold. It shimmered like intimacy but it was not made up of it. 

Instead it is when Arthur’s breath was tinted with alcohol. Not enough to forget himself, but enough to free his mind of the duties that chained him down. This is when he loves deeply. When he bares his soul to you. Unguarded and vulnerable.

The dimming camp fire would cast a glow upon both your figures. Just enough to see an outline of each other's features. The darkness above and around offered a backdrop. Painted with blues, greens, and violets. Stars splattered across the large expanse of the heavens. No signs of life beyond drunken mumblings, crickets, and your own breathing. And just like that there was your stage. 

A place where you both could play whoever you wanted. He didn’t have to be an outlaw and you didn’t have to justify his actions. Instead there were only two lovers illuminated by a campfire and surrounded by darkness. He’d take your hand after minutes of silent contemplation and quiet conversation. The steps would be messy at first. Unsure and hesitant until confidence and comfort grew between you. 

There was no music to accompany the two as you moved in unison. However there were sweet nothings and whispered dreams to replace that. Words that were sweeter than any song and falser than any fairytale. This was part of loving Arthur Morgan. Forever speaking of  dreams that would never come to fruition. That ranch out west and cabin up north would never be built. 

Even as you two crafted a picture of it. Whispering your details of these places and lives. Sharing what all you’d do as he agreed and spoke of what he’d do in return. Embroidering details into what you imagined would be a tapestry of the future. It all seemed so lifelike. Arthur had always been a good artist. 

He didn’t always complete his art though. Sketching out how it’d look. Adding details as he went along. But that was all. There was no color. No completion. Only ideas of what could be. Knowing what it looked like but never truly understanding what could be.

This was the truth of loving Arthur Morgan. Where the truest intimacy he could give was tainted in bourbon. Not a soul to witness the loving kisses and devoted words. Silhouetted by a hazy glow as you two swayed back and forth. Forever living in fantasy. Forever dreading separating from the other as you both knew in the end you were doomed to return to reality. The fiction you created for your stage would remain just that. Fiction.

[emmcfrxst]

for i am yours and you are mine; arthur morgan x reader

word count: 602

warnings: none. just some post-coital bliss with everyone’s favorite cowboy <3333 also i left it as gnc and non descriptive as possible, apart maybe from one (1) line where your hair is mentioned briefly, implying that it can be tucked behind your ear but you can ignore that part <333 feedback is appreciated <333

The ruckus of Rhodes’ nightlife seeps through the thin walls of the hotel room Arthur rented for the both of you, muffled voices of drunken strangers declaring wars between one another the soundtrack of your post-coital admiration of the rugged but handsome man underneath you. The moonlight bathes your lover in a silver glow, highlighting every scar, every freckle on his skin, your swollen lips tingling with the need to kiss, kiss, kiss. A calloused thumb brushes against your cheekbone as Arthur tucks a messy strand of hair behind your ear, his gaze soft. You lift your hand from its spot over his heart, wrapping your fingers against his wrist and bringing it to your lips, making his breath hitch. You smile tenderly at him, knowing that despite the fact that he knows your love for him is true, he still isn’t used to being shown such blatant affection— and still believes, although not as firmly as he once did, that he’s unworthy of it.

The thought still makes your heart ache anyhow; how could he ever believe he is anything but worthy of being loved?

A man who has spent his entire life caring for others —albeit in his own personal way; a rock for so many members of your private little community of gangsters and thieves. A man with a devotion that knows no bounds, who would sacrifice his own life for the sake of the ones he loves —and in a way, he already has many, many years ago. You do not even dare imagining what your life without Arthur Morgan would be like; the thought making you feel sick to your stomach. No, Arthur Morgan might not believe he is worthy of the unconditional love you give him, but hell if you aren’t going to keep on showering him in the deepest pits of your affections.

“What’chu thinkin’ bout in that big brain o’yours, darlin’?” The rumble of his voice sends pleasant shivers down your bare spine, your fingers retreating back to his chest, fiddling with the hairs there. An act that has, although possibly strange, brought you comfort so many times before. If only he knew just how free, how safe he truly made you feel. But oh, one day, one day you will make him believe it.

“Nothin’. Jus’ that I love you.” Your words have the same effect on him as the very first time you’ve uttered them: his eyes flash with a mix of awe, tenderness and vulnerability he lets you— and only you— see; a peek behind the facade of strength and nonchalance he seems to wear like a second skin. He shifts under you, hand coming to rest on your thigh, hitched up over his naked waist. The bedsheets feel cool against your heated skin, the sticky, humid air of Lemoyne still no match for your devotion to your lover, bodies tangled into one. You feel Arthur’s lips brush against the crown of your head, his thumb massaging the meat of your thigh lovingly.

“Still don’t know why ya do, but I sure as hell am glad for it.” He mumbles into the night, a confession you’ve heard so many times before, the meaning behind it still as deeply rooted into your heart as it was when Arthur first allowed himself to be loved by you. Wordlessly brushing your lips against his collarbone, you press your cheek to his chest and fall asleep to the thumping of his heart: listening to all of its little secrets, its deep desires and —maybe, hopefully —one day mending all of its broken pieces back together.

[inalandofsadclowns]

Aight, who wants to talk about the theoretically most optimal occasion for Merlin to come out about his magic to Arthur?

I'll go first: 1x10, Ealdor.

In the prior episodes Merlin was basically still getting to know Arthur. For eight episodes he was the brave and noble prince that Merlin had grown to respect, because Arthur apparently did not value his own life any higher than that of a servant, but who was also the son of Uther Pendragon. Arthur would save Merlin at any price, he got to learn that multiple times. But would he save a sorcerer? He couldn't know. (This question remained even when Arthur had lifted Merlin's sorcery allegations.)

But in 1x08 Arthur knowingly broke the law saving Mordred, a druid; he was in fact more devoted to the cause than Merlin himself.

For Merlin to reveal his secret he needs three prerequisites to exist:

To trust Arthur

The opportunity

To be prepared to leave Arthur forever

The Moment of Truth might just be the only episode where all these exist?

Let's look through these points one by one.

1.Merlin had been wanting for Arthur to know since forever. There's nothing he wants more desperately than to know if they're really, truly friends. Once he says to Will, he does trust him.

Will: Friends don't lord it over one another.

Merlin: He isn't like that.

Will: Really? Well, let's wait until the fighting begins and see who he sends in to die first. I guarantee you, it won't be him.

Merlin: I trust Arthur with my life.

And this gem here. The first time Merlin doesn't promise Hunith to keep Arthur in the dark.

Hunith: You can't let Arthur know about your gift.

Merlin: Why not? Maybe it's meant to be this way. And if he doesn't accept me for who I really am, then he's not the friend I hoped he was.

2. Opportunity. They have these several times throughout the series: fights for survival, heated arguments, quiet moments of vulnerability. There are several brilliant opportunities in this very episode.

The armor scene:

Merlin: Whatever happens out there today, please don't think any differently of me.

Arthur: I won't. It's alright to be scared, Merlin.

Merlin: That's not what I meant.

Arthur: What is it? If you've got something to say, now's the time to say it.

Oh. He tried. My boy tried, he was so close...My heart bleeds for him here.

Then, obviously, right after the battle.

Arthur: Wind like that doesn't just appear from nowhere. I know magic when I see it. One of you made that happen.

Merlin: Arthur...

Merlin just so manages to exhale Arthur's name with a so-so painful look in his eyes. Arthur knows what Merlin was about to say. Just for a moment, because Will gets shot saving Arthur.

He even tries to stop Will from taking the responsibility on his deathbed, even though Arthur knew, that the windstorm was conjured by one of them; if it wasn't Will, than that leaves only Merlin.

Will: Yeah, it was me. I'm the one that used the magic.

Merlin: Will, don't.

[Arthur looks at Merlin.]

3. The most important part. The greatest issue for Merlin has always been the threat of having to leave Arthur. But in this episode there is a cause just as important to him as Arthur - his village and his mother.

The first Merlin and Arthur exchange of the episode is Merlin saying goodbye to Arthur.

Merlin: It's been an honour serving you.

Arthur: You'll be coming back.

Merlin: Well, she's my mother. I have got to look after her before anyone else. You understand?

Then he was prepared to come clean for Ealdor's sake several times that day. Merlin is going to fight for his village, he's well prepared to use magic if needed - in front of Arthur, if needed, knowing full well that might be the last time they ever speak or meet. Whether Arthur forbids Merlin from returning to Camelot for Camelot's sake or Merlin's own sake, the result would be the same.

At the very end, even with his magic still a secret, he was going to stay in Ealdor with Hunith, had she not sent him after the others, so he really was prepared to part from Arthur.

[Arthur walks over to Morgana and Gwen. Hunith walks over to Merlin.]

Hunith: You better be going.

Merlin: I don't have to go.

Hunith: Yes, you do.

Merlin: If anything were to happen to you...

Hunith: I know where to find you. You have to go, Merlin. You belong at Arthur's side. I've seen how much he needs you. How much you need him. You're like two sides of the same coin.

That whole episode was Merlin attempting and failing to come out to Arthur.

After this, though, Merlin was too close to Arthur to ever consider prerequisite 3., other than in the form of dying for Arthur.

[and-her-saints]

Hey sorry idk if you'd know this but I quite literally don't know where to turn about this so I'm sending this ask to every queer+catholic blog I can find

Are there *any* resources out there for queer/trans Catholics that go beyond affirmation and show how to pursue a religious life that goes beyond the laity (e.g. priesthood, joining a convent/monastery, something similar) without having to brush your queerness aside. I feel like if I don't find something soon I might go insane

years ago, i attended a Zoom event with Fr. James Alison as a keynote speaker, and something he said has been glued to my brain ever since. he said it in Spanish, so i'll try to remember, paraphrase and translate: "while they try to get us to stop being queer, what we must try to do is to be better queers."

i love what you said about "beyond affirmation" and that is precisely why i got reminded of the quote and WHY this quote resonated with me to begin with.

imho, there is a fundamental issue with a lot of queer theology and it's that it doesn't go beyond apologetics. it's not pragmatic nor does it seem to engage critically with the material conditions that work with or against queerness. and it's truly such a shame, because living "religiously" to me, as a queer catholic, it's infinitely more a matter of coherence, love, devotion and solidarity, than learning how to "reconcile" gayness/transness with the Bible.

it's a journey, of course. the apologetics were and are necessary for many of us to unlearn the hatred that might've been instilled in us through religious education and upbringing. however, here are some resources that, in my opinion, show how to pursue queer-religious-life.

💌 catholic/christian resources:

[book] The Reckless Way of Love: Notes on Following Jesus by Dorothy Day. Unlike larger collections and biographies, which cover her radical views, exceptional deeds, and amazing life story, this book focuses on a more personal dimension of her life: Where did she receive strength to stay true to her God-given calling despite her own doubts and inadequacies and the demands of an activist life? What was the unquenchable wellspring of her deep faith and her love for humanity?

[book & account] Black Liturgies: Prayers, Poems, and Meditations for Staying Human by Cole Arthur Riley. Black Liturgies is a digital project that connects spiritual practice with Black emotion, Black memory, and the Black body. In this book, she brings together hundreds of new prayers, along with letters, poems, meditation questions, breath practices, scriptures, and the writings of Black literary ancestors to offer forty-three liturgies that can be practiced individually or as a community.

[book] Cry of the Earth, Cry of the Poor by Leonardo Boff. Focusing on the threated Amazon of his native Brazil, Boff traces the economic and metaphysical ties that bind the fate of the rain forests with the fate of the indigenous peoples and the poor of the land. He shows how liberation theology must join with ecology in reclaiming the dignity of the earth and our sense of a common community, part of God's creation. To illustrate the possibilities, Boff turns to resources in Christian spirituality both ancient and modern, from the vision of St. Francis of Assisi to cosmic christology.

[book] Undoing Theology: Life Stories from Non-normative Christians by Chris Greenough. The fundamental issue with ‘queer’ research is it cannot exist in any definable form, as the purpose of queer is to disrupt and disturb. Undoing Doing generates a process of ‘undoing’ as central to queer research enquiries. Aiming to engage in a process which breaks free from traditional academic norms, the text explores three life stories

[podcast] The Magnificast. "A weekly podcast about Christianity and leftist politics. The Magnificast is hosted by Dean Dettloff and Matt Bernico. Each week's episode focuses on a unique or under-realized aspect of territory between Christianity and politics that no one taught you about in sunday school."

💌 non-christian but still excellent resources:

[book] Hijab Butch Blues by Lamya H. A memoir by a butch hijabi that follows the experiences of the author through stories and figures from the Qur'an.

[book] Lean on Me: A Politics of Radical Care by Lynne Segal. Questions of care, intimacy, education, meaningful work, and social engagement lie at the core of our ability to understand the world and its possibilities for human flourishing. In Lean On Me feminist thinker Lynne Segal goes in search of hope in her own life and in the world around her. She finds it entwined in our intimate commitments to each other and our shared collective endeavours.

i don't think these are precisely what you were looking for. but i hope these resources bring you as much peace and hope as they have brought me.

[marf244]

RAGH I need to talk 💥

I 100% believe that Dutch was a self serving person from the start of the game and some time prior, but I agonize over when it started. I think Hosea even says Dutch was different before. Was it when he lost Annabelle? Was it always just who he was? The saddest thing is that he genuinely helped and brought some people together, but it seems like he may not have truly believed in what he built.

From the beginning of the game, he gave me MAJOR cult leader vibes, especially with all the speeches. They all usually circled back to trust in him, and the kindness he showed his gang likely only served to earn their devotion. Which is probably why he took to Micah so quick and why he pushed away people who genuinely cared. Micah to him seemed perfect cause he was never a 'doubter'. He hated it when people questioned him even though they did it out of genuine love. Cause he didn't 'love' them, he loved their affection and their devotion. He blatantly encourages this devotion by stressing how important loyalty is over everything, which everyone parrots. "He would do it for you."

Dutch was a ticking time bomb from the start, Hosea's death was just the fuse lit. Despite Hosea ultimately backing down everytime he questioned Dutch, he was at least seen as more equal in some way. He did seem to hold Dutch accountable, even if just a little. Hosea was also crucial in binding the gang together. Everyone followed Dutch as a leader sure, but Hosea is seen by most everyone as a father figure making them a family. So when he was gone, nothing was stopping Dutch from cutting others loose.

Arthur's increased skepticism probably threw him too because Dutch always saw Arthur as a wholely devoted follower instead of a person. He's like one of those parents who expect to map out their child's life for them, with no consideration for them as a separate human being. The whole "You insist?" line comes to mind. Dutch is dumbfounded by this because he raised Arthur to be an extension of himself, a tool, so it genuinely shakes him when Arthur defies him. Maybe he even thought with Hosea gone Arthur would listen to him more, but instead he became him.

[scalproie]

What I mean: "You only have eyes for him!" is my favorite line in malevolent (on par with "I will not let you drown." even) because as clever-written lines usually are, it works on a metaphorical level, yes, but also on a very literal one; Arthur said himself that he had nothing and nobody else but John, all his loved ones are dead, his life is ruined, if he loses him too then what reason is there left for him to keep on living? Arthur also needs John both on a physical and almost spiritual level to stay alive, John sees for Arthur to keep them both from dying, but Arthur have mortal eyes for John to see through for the first time, to grow and change... that is, technically, Arthur's only purpose in this story. He cannot have his sight back because then he would truly have nothing else, those eyes are only for John now. But Arthur living for John (and ironically dying for him too) isnt completely selfless devotion because Arthur is DETERMINED to survive no matter what, no matter what happens to him, and he needs John for that, both as his sight and his purpose, so of COURSE he wants him back, but just how much of that desire is out of genuine love for John as a person, or out of Arthur's own self-interest to stay alive because deep down he KNOWS he is nothing without him, is unclear, possibly (or even most likely) to even Arthur himself. And much of all of that thought process must be the same on John's end. This is the delicious definition of codependency. And the second meaning of that phrase is that "only having eyes for someone" is often used in a romantic way, and Kayne obviously says it in a mocking taunting manner, but Arthur's and John's relationship is physically impossible in nature, the act of sharing a singular body cannot realistically exist and thus I find it hard to categorize their dynamic as purely platonic or purely romantic, it is something else entirely that is pretty hard to pin down personally, if its even possible at all, and if I even WANT TO at all, but I take huge comfort in knowing that there is love there. There IS, undefinable and undeniable, love there. And that makes it fascinating to witness, analyze, and follow it along. What an incredibly well-written story and I'm so glad I decided to give it a listen.

What I say: hhnghnhhgNghhhnggHGNggn ghnggnhhHggnhG hgnHGNHHNGgnh gngHGNgn 🏳️‍🌈gay people🏳️‍🌈?????????

[lalluviadeanoche]

Idk why but my head came up w two random thoughts, which I’m sure ppl have alr thought of but anyway.

1.The fuck ass scaly iguana lied about Arthur returning as a last “screw you” to Merlin for choosing Arthur over magic time and time again. Like do I believe he cared about either of them at all despite the prophecies? No. Do I think he just saw them as a means to an end? Yes. But still. He’s angry and petty and can’t truly hurt his last remaining kin so he does this cruel mind twisting, heart wrenching thing instead. He gave Merlin false hope and a twisted reason to keep going for over 15hundred years… and it’s all a lie. Can you imagine Merlin waiting till the ends of the earth and still not realizing his king, his best friend, the love of his life.. was never going to come back. All that time suffering.. for nothing at all. Just an empty promise. Hope truly can be cruel.

2. I see Arthur and Merlin as truly opposite types of pining. Like obviously they’ll proudly and boldly fight wars for each other, and drink from poisoned chalices for each other all w/o talking about what it might mean. But also, Merlin would be the type to fully dive into his devotion for someone and not realize what that feeling is for a long time. He’ll say the most emotion packed thing to you without knowing what he’s confessing. Meanwhile Arthur draws in his devotion a little when he quickly realizes what he’s feeling. He hears this speech said with so much conviction being said to so effortlessly almost everyday and it makes his head spin, his heart stop, and his breath hitch. He knows why that is pretty early on and just decides to ignore it, and plays it off as a joke so it’s easy to walk away from the situation. He shoves it down and changes the subject so they can keep going without looking too deep into it.

[kenobihater]

thinking about how rdr2 is about redemption yes, but also about loyalty to what matters, love of family, and the consequences of both. arthur loved dutch, loved him enough to follow him to hell and back, but not enough to remain blindly loyal when dutch betrayed him and john. he put his love of his brother above the love of his father, because his father taught him well, taught him the importance of family. if not for dutch and hosea raising arthur to believe in the importance of loyalty to what's right, if they had just raised arthur as a mindless outlaw, if they hadn't instilled in him the meaing of family, he likely wouldn't have cared about john enough to betray the man who saved him. for example, bill and javier weren't raised by dutch and hosea like arthur was, but they were loyal to him all the same. they weren't treated like dutch's children like john and arthur were. because the values of family and of right and wrong weren't instilled in them alongside the value of loyalty, they sided with dutch despite his fall from grace and remained blindly devoted to a man who no longer deserved it. but because dutch and hosea taught arthur and john the importance of thinking for themselves and choosing what was truly right as well as the importance of family, they realized that dutch was going down the wrong path and causing senseless deaths with his recklessness, and arthur and john decided they had to leave. arthur knew he was never going to get out, but he at least wanted his little brother to have a semblance of a life away from the gang. he wanted him to have a chance because he loved him, because they were raised together, and because they were raised as a family. dutch had a huge hand in his sons betraying him, not only because he drove them away and betrayed them himself, but because he and hosea raised them right!!

[himbo-aficionado]

I just think its interesting how at the very end of the story, we see Merlin walking past Avalon, the place where he sent off Arthur all those centuries ago. There are many different ways the scene could've went on to display his everlasting loyalty. It easily could've been a scene where maybe Merlin was with his wife and a kid who was named after Arthur, or he became a historian/scholar who kept the Arthurian legends alive after everything he went through or maybe even a physicist trying to build a time machine, find a loop in time to go back and fix the past.

But no.

We see him all alone, old and unequivocally miserable. No longer meddling with fate nor trying anything at all. Lost in a world beyond time that no man should live past or would even be able to comprehend. We see that he never moved on from Arthur, having somewhat a glimmer of hope deep within him. Nobody speaks about how insanely difficult it must have been to have hope especially when you have no end to your own life. As mortals, we can't even bear grief for a short period of time. Yet, Merlin lived the cursed life of an immortal, a life where he will only keep losing everyone he's ever loved. A life full of grief.

In the modern world shown, nobody even believes in magic or practises it and yet he...still believes that someday Arthur will return to him. In the past, he reiterates that he just wants Arthur to see that everything he does is for him. He tells Hunith that Arthur only likes him because he doesn't know him. We see he acknowledges that Arthur is doing acts of service because he likes him yet Merlin couldn't be satiated because he still wasn't his true self to Arthur. To be seen and known for who you truly are is to be loved, that is all he ever wanted from Arthur, even from the very beginning of their relationship.

"You never once sought any credit"

"Its not why I do it"

During the magic reveal, he said "I use it for you, Arthur. Only for you.", still desperately wanting it to be known that his entire life was devoted to Arthur. There was no talk about legalising magic and whatnot between them either after that. He only kept repeating that he was born to serve Arthur. We see in real time just how much he meant when he said "There will never be another like you, Arthur." Evidently, he meant that Arthur is the Once and Future King but it also plays out for Merlin, because there never was anyone like Arthur in his life after that. To the point where he could find no purpose upon losing Arthur.

And yes he keeps saying that its his destiny to be Arthur's servant, that he grew up and learned the meaning of duty but is that really all it is? Towards the end, it was apparent that Merlin's objective was no longer for magic to be accepted in Camelot (as much as he wanted it). Ever since he found out about Arthur's Bane, it was all about keeping him alive. Even when the great dragon told him that there is nothing he could do anymore, Merlin could not accept to lose Arthur. "I can't lose him, he's my friend." It didn't matter that magic isn't legal yet in Camelot. He could not give two fucks about it anymore or else we would've seen magic in the future scene. One can assume that he completely stopped trying to find a solution. Or even lost the will to live.

What I'm trying to say is that, the final scene really is more than just an epilogue to show his loyalty, immortality and despair. If you think about it for a moment, it shows that somewhere along all the fights, snide remarks, banter, and what he and Arthur think isn't exactly a friendship, - they're stupid, don't mind that - he was in love with Arthur. And Arthur loved him in return even in the face of death as the truth came crumbling down. Its not as simple as 'falling in love' because, I don't think Merlin woke up one day and realised that he was inconveniently in love with the idiot arrogant prince who was tied to him by fate.

Their love was inevitable but it definitely stopped becoming destiny and duty a long time ago, it became a choice. "I'm happy to be your servant till the day I die". Merlin was, and I quote "putting up" with Arthur not because it was his life sentence to do so; it was because he wanted to. The worst thing of all is: Merlin chose to do it for the rest of his life.

[nightmareofthelake]

my podcasts

everyone who follows me is aware that I'm really into The Magnus Archives/Protocol but I never really talk about my other favourits.

So I decided to make a list of all the podcasts I currently listen to.

The Magnus Archives/The Magnus Protocol

this one does not need any introductions. I love the statements. I love the characters. I love everything about it 10/10

woe.begone ( @woebegonepod )

In a search for an interesting ARG, Mike Walters accidentally stumbles into a brutal real life game, known online as WOE.BEGONE. What begins as an exploration of the game turns into a search for the powerful technology that makes the game possible.

I started it this week and I'm in love with it. As someone who was really into ARGs a few years ago, this podcast really scratches a specific itch I didn't know I had. Also, the music is so good! Absolutely in love with it!

The Holmwood Foundation ( @theholmwoodfoundation )

A modern day sequel to the gothic novel Dracula, we follow Maddie Townsend (Rebecca Root) and Jeremy Larkin (Seán Carlsen), two co-workers at the Holmwood Foundation: a secret organisation that has been maintaining and studying the remains of Count Dracula over the last 130 years, as they are possessed by the ghosts of Jonathan and Mina Harker, and embark on a road trip across the country in an effort to achieve their ghost's wishes: stop Dracula once and for all. This is a story about identity and self discovery, family loyalty and devotion, all wrapped around a nightmare of a road trip with a rejuvenating severed head, incredibly sincere Victorian ghosts and an analogue recorder.

Only the pilot is currently out and the Kickstarter just started but I'm already in love with the characters thanks to the very active tumblr page. The pilot only deepened my love for them.

Malevolent

Arkham Private Investigator Arthur Lester wakes up with no memory of who he is or what has happened, only a nameless, eerie voice guiding him through the darkness. Blind, terrified, and confused, his journey will lead him towards a series of mysteries in the hopes of understanding the truth of what has transpired. As cosmic horrors seep into the world around, Arthur must ask himself whether this entity truly seeks to help him, or are its intentions more…

Harlan Guthrie is just amazing. His performances as literally every character is amazing. I really need to catch up.

The Gentleman from Hell

An entire town… gone. Without a trace. No signs, no warnings. Just silence. This is the story of Cold Sparrow. Twenty-four years ago, the peaceful town of Cold Sparrow became the center of one of the greatest unsolved mysteries in modern history. Every resident vanished. Among them, the enigmatic billionaire Benjamin Veers, whose strange ways made him an icon of intrigue. The town, once forgotten, now infamous. The questions? Endless. The answers? Nonexistent. For over two decades, investigators have been left baffled—cults, kidnappings, disappearances—none have led them closer to the truth. But now, three celebrated private investigators—famous for bringing down one of the most dangerous cults in history—have been called upon to tackle this mystery. Known for taking on the cases no one else could solve, they’re determined to uncover what really happened in Cold Sparrow. Yet, the deeper they dig, the darker the whispers become. Rumours swirl of something far more sinister than anyone ever imagined. Could the mystery of Cold Sparrow be tied to forces that reach far beyond our world? Could it be linked to something… infernal? Some mysteries, once uncovered, may be better left untouched. Cold Sparrow: A town that disappeared… but something still lingers in the shadows. The investigation begins… now.

Only a handful of episodes are out and they are all between 20 and 30 minutes long. The sound design is amazing. Love the characters so far and the story is really intriguing. Can't wait to see how the story unfolds.

Englewood After Dark ( @englewoodafterdark )

Englewood After Dark is a horror/drama podcast following the adventures of Finn Nightingale and Eve Pemberly as they uncover the many secrets lurking on the haunted campus of Englewood University.

As of right now only two episodes are out and I can't really say much about the plot but I like the characters enough to tune in every week. There are some hints about how the story might progress and I can't wait to be front-row witness of it's evolution.

This Paranormal Life

Every Tuesday, comedians Rory Powers and Kit Grier investigate a different paranormal case and find the truth inside the mystery. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

currently the only non-fiction podcast I listen to. I'm still trying to catch up (currently on episode 250 of almost 400) while also listening to every new episode on spotify and everything currently on patreon. Also, my favorite show to fall asleep to.

Podcasts I'm currently not actively listening too but still want to mention:

The Edge of Sleep

When a night watchman finishes his shift at work, he is terrified to discover that everyone in the world who went to sleep the previous night has died.

The podcast that made me fall in love with audio dramas. It's not perfect but I still like and can't wait for season 2 to finally come out (if it ever comes out). Also Mark has such nice voice it's almost criminal.

Welcome to Night Vale

WELCOME TO NIGHT VALE is a twice-monthly podcast in the style of community updates for the small desert town of Night Vale, featuring local weather, news, announcements from the Sheriff's Secret Police, mysterious lights in the night sky, dark hooded figures with unknowable powers, and cultural events. Turn on your radio and hide.

It's just an ongoing on-off relationship between me and this podcast. I love it don't get me wrong but sometimes I just need a break from it. Also I still need to read the novels that have been collecting dust since last year

(the list might get longer over time since I have a shit tone of podcasts I still have to try and some others I might give another try. I will reblog it once I add something new)

[vickyvicarious]

there is so much "falling in friendship at first sight" in dracula methinks

There truly, truly is. And while I adore it as is, enough that I have included a selection on quotes down below to illustrate the point... also, I love how they all get to know one another and make that decision to be friends for life because they're already connected - through documents, through stories, through trust in a loved one being extended outwards to someone that loved person trusts.

Mina knows the suitor squad from Lucy's descriptions, and trusts van Helsing knowing that Seward and Lucy trusted him. Van Helsing knew Mina from Lucy's letters, and then got to know her and Jonathan through their respective journals. Jonathan trusted van Helsing, and the suitor squad later, after learning about them from Mina. Arthur and Quincey and Lucy trusted van Helsing because Seward did. The suitor squad trusted in Mina on van Helsing's word and Lucy's love, and then got to know her and Jonathan through their journals. They all make those decisions to be devoted friends to one another almost immediately, but it's not only uninformed instinct; these people are already connected through a web of trust and love and shared documents (which give physical form to the trust and love).

It's really wonderful, and it's why they succeed in the end. Anyways, have a collection of quotes to be emotional about...

Arthur and van Helsing, on their second or third meeting in person:

"I must not call you 'Mr.,' and I have grown to love you—yes, my dear boy, to love you—as Arthur." Arthur held out his hand, and took the old man's warmly. "Call me what you will," he said. "I hope I may always have the title of a friend."

Van Helsing meeting Quincey:

Van Helsing strode forward, and took his hand, looking him straight in the eyes as he said:— "A brave man's blood is the best thing on this earth when a woman is in trouble. You're a man and no mistake."

Mina on the day she meets van Helsing:

Dr. Van Helsing must be a good man as well as a clever one if he is Arthur's friend and Dr. Seward's, and if they brought him all the way from Holland to look after Lucy. I feel from having seen him that he is good and kind and of a noble nature.

van Helsing on the day he meets Mina:

"Oh, but I am grateful to you, you so clever woman. Madam"—he said this very solemnly—"if ever Abraham Van Helsing can do anything for you or yours, I trust you will let me know. It will be pleasure and delight if I may serve you as a friend; as a friend, but all I have ever learned, all I can ever do, shall be for you and those you love. There are darknesses in life, and there are lights; you are one of the lights."

van Helsing meeting Jonathan (and Jonathan's reaction):

"And you, sir—I have read all the letters to poor Miss Lucy, and some of them speak of you, so I know you since some days from the knowing of others; but I have seen your true self since last night. You will give me your hand, will you not? And let us be friends for all our lives." We shook hands, and he was so earnest and so kind that it made me quite choky.

Seward, the day he meets Mina:

"You are quite right. I did not trust you because I did not know you. But I know you now; and let me say that I should have known you long ago. I know that Lucy told you of me; she told me of you too. May I make the only atonement in my power? Take the cylinders and hear them—the first half-dozen of them are personal to me, and they will not horrify you; then you will know me better."

Mina, the day she meets Seward:

"...I have been more touched than I can say by your grief. That is a wonderful machine, but it is cruelly true. It told me, in its very tones, the anguish of your heart. It was like a soul crying out to Almighty God. No one must hear them spoken ever again! See, I have tried to be useful. I have copied out the words on my typewriter, and none other need now hear your heart beat, as I did."

Seward meeting Jonathan:

He is uncommonly clever, if one can judge from his face, and full of energy. If this journal be true—and judging by one's own wonderful experiences, it must be—he is also a man of great nerve. That going down to the vault a second time was a remarkable piece of daring.

Mina and Arthur on the day they meet:

"I know now how I suffered," he said, as he dried his eyes, "but I do not know even yet—and none other can ever know—how much your sweet sympathy has been to me to-day. I shall know better in time; and believe me that, though I am not ungrateful now, my gratitude will grow with my understanding. You will let me be like a brother, will you not, for all our lives—for dear Lucy's sake?" "For dear Lucy's sake," I said as we clasped hands. "Ay, and for your own sake," he added, "for if a man's esteem and gratitude are ever worth the winning, you have won mine to-day. If ever the future should bring to you a time when you need a man's help, believe me, you will not call in vain."

Mina and Quincey the day they meet:

"I wish I could comfort all who suffer from the heart. Will you let me be your friend, and will you come to me for comfort if you need it? You will know, later on, why I speak." He saw that I was in earnest, and stooping, took my hand, and raising it to his lips, kissed it. It seemed but poor comfort to so brave and unselfish a soul, and impulsively I bent over and kissed him. The tears rose in his eyes, and there was a momentary choking in his throat; he said quite calmly:— "Little girl, you will never regret that true-hearted kindness, so long as ever you live!"

Jonathan and Quincey, less than a week after meeting:

I grasped his hand instinctively and found it as firm as a piece of steel. I think he understood my look; I hope he did.

.

bonus: "you just rejected my marriage proposal so I will hold your hands and promise that we will be friends forever" to Lucy.

Jack Seward:

And then, Mina, I felt a sort of duty to tell him that there was some one. I only told him that much, and then he stood up, and he looked very strong and very grave as he took both my hands in his and said he hoped I would be happy, and that if I ever wanted a friend I must count him one of my best.

Quincey Morris:

"Tell me, like one good fellow to another, is there any one else that you care for? And if there is I'll never trouble you a hair's breadth again, but will be, if you will let me, a very faithful friend." [...] I was right to speak to him so frankly, for quite a light came into his face, and he put out both his hands and took mine—I think I put them into his—and said in a hearty way:— [...] "Little girl, your honesty and pluck have made me a friend, and that's rarer than a lover; it's more unselfish anyhow."

[river-of-wine]

Why do you think Arthur and Molly are so similar ?

I am SO glad you asked!

Molly is basically the human embodiment of foreshadowing in the story. Everything that Dutch ends up doing to the gang, he does to Molly first. Most of all, this treatment ends up landing on Arthur.

Dutch preys on the vulnerable, and this is apparent simply by looking at the members of his gang. Orphans he raised, marginalised people he has taken in, young women struggling to support themselves. Initially selfless acts that grow more sinister when you realise how Dutch has truly indoctrinated most of them, having them do his dirty work for him. Molly too, though her circumstances are much different, is vulnerable. She is unable to defend herself or leave camp, since she can’t use a gun and presumably, since when she runs away she does so on foot, can’t ride a horse. She is a physically weak young woman and an Irish immigrant in a country that is outwardly unkind to both facets of her identify and one that she is unfamiliar with.

Molly is incredibly devoted to Dutch, to the point where she has nothing in her life without him. Her entire existence now revolves around him, and she cannot safely leave even if she wants to. Though Dutch starts the game returning Molly’s affection, the second she starts to become unappealing to him - voicing her own opinions, speaking out against his treatment of her, doubting anything he does - he discards her like she is nothing. He is incredibly manipulative to her, with his literal gaslighting, constant berating of her emotions which he scolds her for in an uncomfortably parental way, refusing to speak to her even when she is trying to help him and, eventually, even revoking her right to be called by her first name. She hates being called by her surname, and she tells him this. It changes nothing. Now that Molly has lost her appeal in Dutch’s eyes, he hunts for a replacement. He begins to find this in Mary-Beth, a woman even younger than Molly and much more timid towards him, who doesn’t speak out against him or complain about his behaviour.

Arthur has quite literally dedicated his entire life to Dutch. Arthur was raised by him and as he says in chapter 2, nothing means more to him than the gang. Though certainly not vulnerable how you would expect, Dutch found him when he was. His existence revolves around Dutch, and now with the high bounty on his head and the people he must protect, he cannot safely leave even if he wants to. Much like we saw with Molly, Dutch starts to disregard Arthur when he begins to show doubts in his plans and his motivations. Throughout chapter 6, we watch their bond deteriorate, with Dutch even eventually abandoning the title of son for Arthur similarly to how he refuses to call Molly by her first name. Just as he did with Mary-Beth, he finds a younger, more vulnerable option to replace Arthur in Eagle Flies. In front of Arthur, he tells Eagle Flies that he never had a son, and shortly afterwards mocks Arthur’s weakness brought on by, might I remind you, his fatal illness.

For each of them, protecting the gang are hugely important acts taken by Molly and Arthur near the end of their stories. For Molly, it takes the form of her refusal to tell the law about them. We know that she was sweated multiple times, implying at the very least intense interrogation and at most outright torture. Molly had every reason to want Dutch dead, but for reasons we never get to hear from her she decides to keep the gang safe. For Arthur, we see him do his best to save everybody in the gang he possibly can. Primarily the Marstons, dying so that they can be safe.

These connections never go directly acknowledged by Molly and Arthur, but there are two very notable moments between them. First, there is Molly’s only “mission”, though it really isn’t about her. She tries to open up to Arthur before she is interrupted, telling him her worries about Dutch and asking how he seems to Arthur, if he thinks he has changed the way Molly knows he has. Changes that Arthur has not noticed, that he will not notice until it is much too late, that the gang ignored but Molly saw. Secondly, it is Arthur who prevents Dutch from shooting Molly as she confesses. She is encouraging him, asking him to shoot her, but Arthur holds him back and talks him down. He never fully believes her, voicing subtly that he doubts Molly’s lie. It was the very most he could have done for her in that minute, and with that scene marking the start of chapter 6, the very act of protecting the supposed traitor that Dutch is ready to kill is the first of many acts of defiance Arthur will make.

Lastly, there is the similarities between two of their most tragic lines. Molly’s poem repeats the phrase “I’ve nothing left, I gave you all”, being the closing line of the final stanza of her poem, one that is undoubtedly about her relationship with Dutch. Some of Arthur’s final dialogue, spoken to Dutch, is “I gave you all I had”. Though coming from much different circumstances and backgrounds, Molly and Arthur ended very much the same. Giving everything to Dutch, and being cast aside by him.