#he tried to keep his distance until he found out what a douche she was married to

[karizard-ao3]

Sometimes Eren will some sometimes pretend he doesn't know the correct form while lifting to make her come over to him

Lol I love this. I'm picturing her pressed up against his back, helping him with his dumbbell rows or something and he's standing there with his eyes all glazed over, not internalizing anything but the feeling of her boobs on him.

This actually kind of reminds me of this idea I had where Eren is a personal trainer and Mikasa is a slightly older married woman (maybe 5-7 years older?) who's husband has been cheating on her with a younger woman. They're trying to fix their marriage and he told her he'd be more attracted to her if she was thinner again (maybe she had a baby and got curvier?). Maybe he's even suggested a boob job. So Mikasa is kind of cranky about it but she gets a gym membership and signs up for personal training with Eren, who thinks she's just about the hottest woman he's ever seen. He is way more hands on with her form than he needs to be and he'll let her go over her time by almost double without charging her because he's so fascinated by their conversations.

One day she mentions why she started doing her personal training and that she isn't even sure it's worth working things out with her husband but she can't stand how she looks naked anymore and Eren is pretty much like, "I love your body. I dream of seeing you naked." One thing leads to another and pretty soon their personal training sessions start to include a LOT more cardio 😎.

But I don't really want to write it. How many times can I make Eren be the other man before it becomes my thing and I box myself in? (Looking at you, Lady's Liaison and Neighbors au and even Clueless Teens if you go by what Eren believes is happening between Porco and Mikasa versus what is actually happening between them 😭.)

[legend-of-cupcake]

Is Hanako a yandere?

This is something I’ve been wanting to explore for a little while now, but never really had the time or mental energy for it. But today, that is exactly what we are going to do (warning: this post ended up being very long!!)

For starters, we need to define what exactly a yandere is. 

A yandere is typically characterized as someone who initially appears as  loving and caring, but becomes violent and possessive over their love interest. The term comes from yanderu (病んでる), meaning (mentally or emotionally) ill, and deredere (でれでれ, "lovesick"), meaning to show genuinely strong romantic affection.

Some well known examples of yanderes can be found in characters such as  Anna Nishikinomiya, Satō Matsuzaka and Yuno Gasai. 

Female yanderes a lot more common, and are generally the first thing people think of when asked about yanderes. However, male yanderes also exist!! 

When you first take a look at Hanako as a character, you see he’s a cheeky and playful character, who has a perverted side that’s typical of a boy around his age. The very first thing he does when introduced is tease our protagonist, and then laughs at her reaction to him.

And we see this a lot in the early chapters of tbhk, Hanako goes out of his way to get reactions out of both Nene and Kou and enjoys how they respond. As the story slowly progresses, he slowly forms a friendship with the 2 of them, and gets particularly close with Nene and becomes protective of her.

Doesn’t sound very yandere so far, does it?

However, from the very beginning at chapter 1, it’s shown Hanako has a more serious and potentially malevolent side as he pulls a knife out from his stomach and easily defeats the mermaid that had tried to take Nene away. The moment was quick, and Nene never focused on the change in Hanako’s demeanor, which in turn made us the audience not look too deeply into the whole thing.

It isn’t until chapter 3, with the introduction to Kou, that we truly see the sinister side of Hanako rear it’s head. 

Hanako’s secret about being a murderer is forcefully dragged out by Kou, and in response Hanako holds Nene from behind to hide his expression from her, and holds a knife to Kou’s neck. 

Very clearly, Hanako didn’t want Nene knowing about this, and this is a trend that continues all the way up to the current chapter. If it was up to Hanako, Nene wouldn’t know a single thing about him, not even his real name. Everything she’s learned came from a third party source, not once did Hanako willingly divulge any information to her, apart from the fact that he murdered his own twin brother.

Hanako doesn’t even tell Nene about her own lifespan, that is how little information he gives her. 

Now this in itself, isn’t a very yandere trait, but it is a douche-bag thing he continuously does and never truly learns from. 

As the series progresses, it becomes clear Hanako develops feelings for Nene not long after the confession tree arc.

He becomes more clingy, not liking it when Kou and Nene are too close together and sliding himself in-between them to create distance. He’s often seen casually holding onto Nene for no real purpose, other than just to keep close to her.

He even becomes jealous when Nene becomes concerned about Kou after the hell of mirrors arc, 

and is very against her wanting to take Kou to a festival to cheer him up.

And when Akane threatens to kiss Nene, Hanako abandons his plan to try and force Akane to make a wish to him, just because he couldn’t handle the idea of them kissing. 

Again, this itself isn’t very yandere, Hanako’s interest in Nene usually portrays itself as a typical school boy crush. He finds it hard to talk about his feelings so he often resorts to teasing her, but he also loves to find ways to be close to her and easily becomes jealous when other boys are involved.

So, if that’s the case, then why am I making this post? 

Because Hanako isn’t a typical school boy.

At this point in the story, it’s more or less obvious that Hanako tricked Nene in chapter 1 so she would become his kannagi, and he proceeds to use her to destroy the yorishiros. Hanako basically admits himself that he never planned to care about her. 

Hanako hadn’t planned on caring about Nene at all, he thought her life wouldn’t matter to him because he’s already dead-- why should he care if Nene was going to die?

But then he got to know her, began to like her for who she was, enjoyed the attention she gave him and then he realizes what a horrible mistake he’s made.

And that’s when another part of Hanako’s personality slowly reveals itself as the series progresses...

His overly controlling nature. 

As I’ve mentioned before in this post, Hanako refuses to tell Nene anything, not even about her own lifespan. He justifies this by trying to make her final days happy, not wanting her to worry about her impeding death. 

This, while can be interpreted as him trying to be kind in his own way to her, was also Hanako taking away Nene’s rights to know. She has a right to know that her time is short, and she has a right to choose how to spend the rest of that time. If she wanted to forget and remain ignorant, we know Hanako can make that happen, but he never gave her the option in the first place.

And this isn’t the only time Hanako takes away Nene’s rights and agency.

When given the choice to become a fish princess, Nene is unsure of what the right answer is. And although she decides she wants to stay with Hanako, she gets swept up on the idea of being popular and almost drinks the blood that would’ve severed her from Hanako.

This is when Hanako intervenes, forcefully taking Nene away from the fish and effectively making the choice for her.  

While this does end up aligning with what choice Nene would’ve made had she not gotten carried away, Hanako had no way of knowing that. He took away her ability to make that decision for herself, and then speaks of Nene as though she were his belonging and not a person. 

Hanako even indirectly admits that Nene probably would be better off with the mermaid, but to him it doesn’t matter, because she likes him. 

This isn’t an isolated incident either, the entire point of the PP arc was that Hanako was making the executive decision to keep Nene there against her will, because he deemed it as a way to save her life. To him, it didn’t matter what Nene thought about the whole thing, the only thing that mattered to him was that she would be able to live inside the fake world.

Hanako goes as far as to lock Nene away, so that she can’t find a way to leave the fake world before it’s ready, completely taking away her freewill and asserting his own.

This, dear readers, is very much treading into yandere territory, and it only gets worse from here. 

During the same arc, Nene manages to have a heart-to-heart with Hanako. She conveys her wish of wanting to live the next 90 years in the real world, and Hanako relents, finally sending her and everyone else back to the real world. It appears he’s learned his lesson, and everything goes back to normal until the next arc.

But then, we find out Hanako didn’t learn his lesson at all.

Hearing Nene’s wish, Hanako decides the next best course of action will be to swap her lifespan with someone else. And who is that someone else? Why it’s Nene’s best friend Aoi, who conveniently has kannagi blood running in her veins, making her a prime candidate to conduct the severance with-- and thus manually swapping their fates around so Nene lives while Aoi dies. 

This, of course, is all without Hanako consulting Nene on any of this. He already knows how she would feel about the whole thing, and if given the choice he knows she would rather keep her original lifespan, but again he takes the choice away from her.  

I won’t list all of them, because this post is already getting way too long, but these are just some of the big examples of Hanako’s controlling nature when it comes to Nene. He keeps on making decisions for her, not even taking Nene’s feelings into consideration, and he has no intentions of stopping. Literally in the latest chapter, Hanako just outright refuses to comply when asked if he will now stop his “crazy shit” in trying to save Nene without even asking her first.

Allowing Nene to have freewill in her own decisions is something Hanako refuses to allow. He wants her to live, and he will make it happen by any means necessary, no matter what Nene or anyone else has to say about it. 

Tsukasa is the one who calls it out the best:

So to finally answer the question of whether Hanako is a yandere or not...

At the very beginning of this post, I said that a yandere is “someone who initially appears as loving and caring, but becomes violent and possessive over their love interest.”

Hanako, while maybe not typically loving and caring, comes off as caring in the way is very physically affectionate with Nene, always finding excuses to hold her in some manner, and goes out of his way to protect her when there’s danger. And despite all the evidence pointing to him being a bad supernatural, both Nene and Kou decide there is more to Hanako than that and he’s not a bad person. 

However, as the story progresses, we see Hanako become more clingy and possessive over Nene-- to the point that Hanako would rather she has nightmares about him, because then she’s at least dreaming about him.  

He regards her as something that belongs to him, and doesn’t allow Nene to make her own decisions, not even granting her the luxury of information in regards to her own lifespan. If it was down to Hanako, Nene would be locked away in a fake world against her own free will.

Then, when he begins running out of options, Hanako turns to attempting to kill someone else in Nene’s stead, so that she may take their lifespan.

And although it didn’t work out, Hanako has more or less admitted he won’t be afraid to do it again (or perhaps something even worse).

So do I think Hanako is a yandere?

Yes. 

[bokutoskitten]

go greek!

18+

synopsis- after a lot of convincing eren managed to get you to come to his frat party, where will the night take you?

cw- eren jaeger x f!reader, college au, praise kink, inexperienced reader (not a virgin), alcohol (y/n nor eren get drunk), sub reader, nipple play (f receiving), sex, all characters are 18+

these are just stereotypes about certain sorority’s/frats at a college in my state! Each college is different!

you didn’t really understand how you got put in this situation. Loud cheering, the smell of cheap beer and the sight of people making out in almost every corner of the crowded house.

You belonged to a sorority on your campus, definitely not a top tier… but you were in a sorority! Everyone knew your house as sweet and cute, but were innocent, rarely left the house.

You focused mainly on your classes like your sisters, you didn’t pay attention to any of the frats. That was until you met him. Eren Jaeger. It was a simple school girl crush on a guy in your poli sci class. You would of never imagined that a guy like him would ever pay attention to you.

When Eren found out that you were in Greek life he asked “why haven’t I seen you at any parties?” He quickly understooon once you said your sororities name, chi o’s. Everyone know chi omegas dont party much to keep their “good girl” status.

Eren asked you if you wanted to come to a party on Friday that his frat was hosting, pi kappa alpha (pike), you told him that you needed to study. Your sisters always told you to never hang out with a pike, they were just rich fuckboys who would use you and throw you out the next day.

But eren couldn’t be like that- could he?

Eren had grown bored of fucking tri delta’s and kappa kappa gamma girls, all they cared about was status. But not you. No, you were different. Eren knew the reputation he held, a class A douche bag. He just hoped that you hadn’t of heard about his reputation, in fear that it would scare you away. He hated how he was In the past, he wanted to change for the better and leave his fuck boy status in the past.

That’s how you ended up here. At the pike’s frat house, alone, no eren to be seen. As you tried looking around the house you felt an arm reach around your shoulder. Your plan was to stay at home and watch a movie like you did most weekends, but something overcame you and you decided to do something out of your comfort zone.

“Why are you all alone little lady?” Asked a clearly drunk man, “I- I’m sorry, have you seen eren? I was supposed to meet him here” you nervously responded looking up at the male.

“Y/n!” You heard from across the room. It was eren, even from at a distance you could tell he was upset. There was some bickering between eren and the boy who was talking to you, jean. But eventually he grumbled some words under his breath and left.

“I’m really sorry about that. He didn’t scare you too much did he?” Asked eren guiding you to an empty sofa. “I’m okay! Thanks for inviting me, your brothers seem nice…?” Your words came out more unsure than you were planning.

Chuckling he said “yeah sorry about them… so um, can I get you a drink?” Nodding your head you replied “s-sure!” Eren came back with two red solo cups, one for you and one for him. You smelled the liquid within the cup for a second before bring it to your lips. It tasted like strawberry lemonade with a bitter vodka aftertaste.

Your face scrunched your at the bitter taste. “Don’t force yourself to drink that if you don’t like it” chucked eren as he watched you try to drink the vodka concoction. “It’s okay! It’s just a little stronger than what I’m use to!” You replied taking another sip. By now that the alcohol was flowing through your system, the taste didn’t bother you as much.

You continued to chat with eren about your major; poli sci. Which was the same as erens, you talked about favorite tv shows and your favorite places to get food near campus. You where really surprised at how much you were enjoying yourself. Frat parties had always seemed really scary, but this was the exact opposite. You were actually having fun for once, not stressed about grades and trying to keep your high gpa.

Your conversation was suddenly interrupted as girl walked up to eren. “Hey eren” she slurred, “you look really nice tonight… wanna go back to my place and have more fun” she asked. Your heart sunk. She was extremely pretty, and you recognized her. She was the president of a sorority on campus. The top sorority on campus.

Before eren could open his mouth you said “s-sorry umm excuse me” as you quickly got up from the sofa tears started to prick the corner of your eyes. Somehow you found a room that was empty, you sat down on the bed as you tried to control yourself from crying.

I knew it was a bad idea to come here… eren could never see me as more than a girl he chatted with in class…

The door surprisingly swung open causing you to become startled. “I’m sorry y/n- I didn’t mean to scare you. I was just worried, you ran off so suddenly” eren spoke as he made his way to the bed. “Shouldn’t you be with that girl right now…” you mumbled brushing some stray tears from off your cheek.

“Why would I be with her? Y/n- I want to be here with you. That’s why I’ve been talking with you this whole night, your fun to be around”

“Really…?”

“Yes really, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make you feel sad”

“It’s okay… maybe we should go back downstairs, I don’t want to be in a random persons room.”

“Nah don’t worry about it this is my room”

“O- oh okay”

Eren leaned in a bit closer, “you know your really pretty, right” you felt heat rush to your face as you quickly said “oh- umm thank you!” You felt his hand cup your face as he said “is it okay if I kiss you?”

“Yes please”

When his lips finally connected with yours the sweet taste of the strawberry lemonade filled your senses. He nibbled a bit on your lower lip letting you know to open your mouth a bit more letting his tongue slip in.

A little moan escaped your mouth as erens hand made its way to waist, giving it a gentle squeeze. “You make the cutest sounds” he hummed as he pulled away from your mouth.

“At any moment you want to stop, just let me know, okay” he spoke in a gentle but stern tone. “O-okay” you replied. “So are you like a… virgin?” Eren asked, “what! n-no, I’ve only done it once… it’s been a while” you said shifting your face away from his as embarrassment spread through your body like a wild fire.

“Look at me cutie, that’s totally okay. Is it okay if I take this off?” He asked as his fingers lingered on your skirt. “Yes please” you breathily murmured. Now that your skirt was off you were left in your lace panties and a tank top.

Eren began lightly sucking on your neck as he made his way closer to your chest, looking at you he asked for permission to remove your tank top and bra as was well which you quickly gave him a nod of approval. His mouth made its way to your breasts as he began sucking and licking your nipples, you could already tell that by the time he reached your panties you would be drenched.

“Fuck- your going to look so pretty all marked up” he spoke as his tongue sucked on your nipple while he rolled the other one with his thumb. “Pleaseee eren” you breathily moaned as the pulsing feeling in your pussy was growing stronger.

“Please what?” He teased, “eren!” You whined giving him a pouty face.

“Come on y/n, tell me”

“Eren please touch me!”

In an instant eren swiftly removed your underwear, he threw it to some random corner of his room. Before you could complain about him throwing them so far away you were pleasantly surprised when he thrusted two of his fingers into you.

You quickly smacked your hand over your mouth to conceal your moan. “I want to hear you” he said sternly, you quickly removed your hand from your mouth not wanting to disappoint eren.

“Much better”

Even though he was just fucking you with his fingers it felt so good. “Ah!” You moaned as you felt eren move his another finger to your little bundle of nerves. “You like that?” He questioned, although he knew the obvious answer.

“Yes! Feels ‘s- so good!” You managed to speak out. “I can feel you tightening around me, are you gonna cum?” Questioned eren. “Y..yes!” You moaned loudly as your body finally gave in to all of the pleasure as you hit your release.

Eren pulled his fingers away from you, your essence dripping down his hand. “Look you made a mess” he spoke as he brought his hand to his mouth. “Mmhm you taste sweet” he said after licking his fingers clean.

“Erenn that’s embarrassing” you whined throwing your arm up to cover your face. “Don’t do that” said a stern voice as a hand grabbed your wrist and brought it down to the side of your body.

“Don’t hide from me, I want to see your face” said eren, by now you could see his cock was hard, the outline very prominent in his pants. “Please eren” you panted as you squeezed your legs together in anticipation. “You want my cock?” Chuckled eren knowing that you desperately wanted him.

“Yes eren! Please”

“Good girl”

He slipped off his sweatpants and shirt, you could see how big his cock was just from the imprint in his boxers. Your mouth was basically drooling from staring at erens flawless washboard abs.

Your heart was pounding out of your chest when you felt eren rub is flushed tip against your soaking entrance. “Erennn just put in it” you whined giving eren a pouty face. “You are just so needy” he chuckled as he teased you a bit more. You gasped when you suddenly felt eren thrust himself into you, barley giving you any time to adjust to the feeling.

“Holy shit- your so tight” he swore as he picked up his pace. “Aah! Erennn” you moaned as his hips slammed against yours. You couldn’t believe the situation you were in, you tried to remember how it even escalated to this but your body was so overwhelmed with pleasure you were having a hard time remembering.

“H-harder!” You cried tightening yourself against eren. “Fuck” a curse slipped out of eren’s mouth as you did that. “Feels ‘s- so good” you said as ecstasy flowed through your body.

“Your being such a good girl for me, taking me so well fuck- such a good job” he praised as he fucked you at a ruthless pace.

As eren looked down at you tits bouncing up and down, he felt so much different than he did with other girls. He didn’t want to fuck you then throw you out, he wanted to cuddle with you and litter you with kisses. Was he crazy…? Or was he just catching feelings…?

“Keep going eren! I-I’m so close!” You moaned as one of eren hands made its was to your clit gently massaging it. “Your doing so fucking good for me, I know you can do it, be a good girl and cum for me” he said as he felt you squeeze him even tighter than before. You felt yourself finally hit your peak. Pure bliss washed over your body as you rode out your orgasm with a high pitch moan.

“Fuck” groaned eren as he quickly pulled out squirting his cum onto your stomach. After taking a couple deep breaths he got up, leaving you alone. You knew deep down all he wanted was sex, you decided that in a minute you would get up to clean yourself off then leave the party.

“Eren..?” You said in shock seeing him come out of the attached bathroom with a small damp towel. “Yes y/n?” He questioned as he made his way over to you then began cleaning you off.

“Oh- nothing!” You responded quickly smiling at the boy in front of you. “You didn’t think I was gonna leave you here, did you?” He questioned with a smile.

“What! No-” you replied with a huff, before you could finish eren cut you off with his laugh.

“I would never leave you here alone, I hope you know that”

“Yeah, I do now….”

“Good”

Eren laid down in bed next to you grabbing your waist and pulling you closer to his warm body.

“Goodnight y/n”

“Goodnight eren”

[glenncoco4]

Heat

A/N: Pre-All In Densi. Rated M.

••••

She steps over to the bedside table, flicking on the small table lamp as the sound of his water drenched shoes squish against the old shag carpet. The loud pounding from her heart fills her ears when the door shuts. Ever since last night things between them have been a bit off, maybe its because of her reaction to finding out that Grace, Deeks’ girlfriend of eight months, got a job offer in New York. Or maybe its because every time he’s tried to speak to her today, she’s found an excuse to leave or change the subject. Probably both.

Now the problem is is that there was a case in Big Bear that needed NCIS’ attention and they were the only ones available. It was about 3 hours into their drive until Deeks finally worked up the courage to ask her what’s going on when a loud pop sounded and the SRX jolted. 

So here they are, in a small roadside motel, drenched from head to toe with no service and no car. Luckily for them, the last room available was a twin room, but there’s definitely no escaping her partner’s interrogation now. But it doesn’t mean she can’t try. ”You can take the shower first.”

His eyes haven’t strayed from her since they left the SRX stranded on the side of the dark mountain road. She’s shivering and all he can think about is her reaction last night. The pure anger she was trying to hold back, but more than that he could see the hurt in her mismatched orbs. The lost little girl that had been let down so many times before he came along.“No it’s okay. You should go.” 

“Deeks, just go.” She signs in resignation. The thought of freezing to death sound so appealing right now because if she’s dead at least she won’t feel this gut wrenching ache inside her soul anymore. 

“Listen, Kens, I-“

“Just forget it, Deeks. I know I was out of line.”

She can feel the dread wash over her as he tells her the news. There are so many things she wants to say but its a question that she fears the answer to that leaves her lips. “So you’re going with her, aren’t you?”

“I-“

Not giving him time to respond for the anxiety of what his answer may be, she quickly cuts him off. “I should’ve expected this.”

His brow furrows as he watches turmoil filled anger fill her eyes. “What?”

“You chasing some tail to another state.”

He’s gobsmacked, what in the hell is her problem? She’s never had a problem with Grace before but now apparently she’s just some blonde bimbo and he’s a douche thinking with his dick. “Okay, that’s enough.”

“Well, you know what, Deeks? You go…you abandon the people that depend on you, that need you.”

There are tears forming in her eyes and it breaks his heart. Everything is just so screwed up and he’s not sure what to do, well he is, he’s just not sure what the outcome will be. He could lose his best friend. “Kens-“

“No, I gotta go.” She takes a shake breath before turning to the door and with one last look, says the words that feel like ice picks to both of their hearts. “Goodbye, Deeks.”

He looks up from his phone as the bathroom door slowly opens and a gust of steam fills the room. She trails out in sleep shorts and a tank top, her teeth still chattering as she makes her way over to the fire place. He tries to distract the awkwardness in any way possible, awkwardness that has never been apart of their relationship until now. “No service. I can’t believe this.”

“I can.”

“What’s that suppose to mean?”

“It means-it means nothing. Never mind.”

“Kens.”

“What?”

“What were you fixing to say?”

Taking a deep breath she realizes that maybe this is a good thing. Maybe getting this out in the open will help her move on even if she doesn’t want to. Turning around, her eyes meet his cerulean blues, those eyes…those eyes are one of the things she’ll miss most about him. Crossing her arms around her chest to try and keep herself steady, she wills herself to get this out. “It means that things tend to go horrible for me in life. First my mom left me, then my dad died, and I was out on my own for so long that the next time I trusted someone, he left me, too. I was closed off for so long and then you came along and I really thought-I really thought that you would be here to stay. When you came along all those other people that left hurt less because I had you. You were here and made me feel like I mattered. That I was worth a damn. I just really thought you’d be the one that stayed.”

He can feel the tears pooling in his eyes as he quickly throws the covers off him and stands up, closing the distance between them. He wants to reach out to her, take her hands and never let go, but stops himself. “Kens, I’m not going anywhere.”

“You say that now but what happens if Grace takes that job in New York and you follow her?”

“I-I don’t know.”

“I know. You’re gonna follow her and eventually get married. Meanwhile I’ll be here, living in my studio apartment, probably die getting eaten alive by my hoardings, knowing that the man I love is on the other side of the country, living the dream I had for us with some other woman.” Her eyes go wide when she realizes the words that came out of her mouth, she intended to let him know how she felt but not that much.

His eyes go wide at her confession. He can feel his heart rate pick up speed because Kensi doesn’t do this. She doesn’t let her emotions be known to the world. “The man you what?”

“Nothing. Just forget it, Deeks.” Teeth still chattering, she quickly makes her way to the furthest side of her bed and hurriedly hurries herself into the covers before switching off the lamp. “Goodnight, Deeks.”

She tosses and turns for about 10 minutes, finally landing on her side as the sound of the crackling fire fills the room. She can sense movement on his side of the room but brushes it off, figuring he’s getting up to go to the bathroom when suddenly the comforter on the other side of her bed is pulled back and the bed dips. Her eyes go wide as he comes up behind her, his arm going around her waist and nothing between their bodies but the thin material of her sleep shorts and his boxers. The feel of his already stiffing member against her ass making her pussy wet.“Wh-what are you doing?”

“You’re shivering.”

His breath is warm against her ear, sending even more desire through her body. She tries to hold back the moan from leaving her lips and urge to grab his cock because there’s still one thing in the way of this truly happening. “Look, I appreciate it, but I’m sure Grace wouldn’t.”

“There’s no more Grace.”

She quickly spins around in his arms, mismatched orbs opened wide in shock. “What?!”

“We broke up.”

She can feel a new surge excitement run through her body at his words. He’s not leaving. He’s staying. “Please tell me you didn’t break up with her over the phone earlier.”

“Of course not.”

She looks at him quizzically, trying to hold back from straddling his hips and having her way with him. She needs answers first and then she’ll have her way. 

“We broke up last night after you left. I was going to tell you today, I just couldn’t find the right time and then we got stranded.”

“But why?” Her brow furrows in question. 

“Well, for starters she wanted me to go with her to New York and my body can’t handle those long winter months.” A smile spreads to his face as she smiles and her forehead finds his chest. The vibrations of her laughter, sending a thrill through his body. “But really, it was because I realized something.”

She pulls back, her magnetic eyes full of hope and yearning. “What’s that?”

“I’ve never been able to just be with Grace, you know just sit in silence and be with her, really relax.” He brings his hand up to cup her cheek, his thumb moving back and forth across her olive toned skin…this is the moment. “Everytime I’m with you no matter how much noise or how little, I feel at peace just being near you.” 

“You-you do?”

“I love you, Kens.”

Her heart begins to hammer and she can’t resist any longer as her lips find his in a desperate, earth shattering kiss. “I love you. I love you so much.”

He can’t hold back any longer, especially with her pert nipples poking him through her top. His hand traces its way down her stomach before his fingers latch onto the hem of shorts and pull them down around her knees giving her the chance to kick them off completely before he’s shimmying out of his boxers.

His hand wraps around her thigh and spreads her leg open, giving him the perfect view of her already soaked pussy. Cerulean blues find mismatched chocolate orbs as he licks his lips, sending a bolt of electricity through both their bodies. “I want to taste you…but first-“ 

She watches as he takes hold of his hard cock, rubbing the tip through her folds before he carefully slides into her, making them both moan as a pleasure neither have ever experienced before encapsulate all their senses. Lifting up her top, to reveal her breast, her hands wrap around each one, letting out another moan as he continues to drive into her over and over again. 

His lips find hers in a hungry kiss. God, he loves her so much. If he could spend the rest of his life like this with her, he would. He works his way from her lip to her jaw, down her neck, eventually finding her chest. As he continues to drive into her, his eyes find hers telling her what he needs. 

She sees what he needs in his eyes and moves her hands away from her perky breast giving him the go ahead. And as soon as she does, his lips find her pert nipple as his free hand massages the other. Euphoria. Euphoria is the only word she can think of to describe this feeling.

It doesn’t take long for both of them to come undone. Years of pent up love and desire giving them pleasure beyond comprehension to anyone but them. They let out one more unified moan of glory before he pulls his softening member from her drenched heat and plops down on his back next to her. 

His arm finds its way around her shoulder, pulling her into his side as her own arm finds its way around his abdomen. He places a kiss to the top of her head, relishing in this moment, the sound, the smell, the feel of her sweaty body pressed against his. 

“Will you love me like this forever?” She tilts her head back with an openness shining in her eyes. An openness that she’s only let him see.

“Only if you promise me the same.”

A soft smile spreads to her lips as she slowly nods her head. “We’re really doing this, aren’t we.”

His forehead finds hers, their eyes dancing with passion, ecstasy and the most pure love known to man. “Yeah, we really are.”

[maxineswritingcenter]

You Saved Me - Derek Hale x fem!reader part 24

--------------

2004 

“We lay to rest a beloved member of the community. A mother. A friend. A daughter. A wife. Claudia Stilinski...” We stood on the lawn of Beacon Hills Memorial Cemetery, watching Aunt Claudia’s casket being lowered into the ground. She had been sick for so long and it was starting to turn ugly... But she was in a better place now, that’s what Uncle Noah said. When he spoke at least. I looked past the grieving people, like Ms. McCall, Scott, the entire police department, and looked at Stiles. He looked so tired. His cheeks were tear stained and his eyes were red from crying. 

Once people started to disperse, my parents and I made our way over to Uncle Noah and Stiles. While the adults talked, Stiles and I just continued to stare at the grave. The grounds keepers were starting to cover her body with dirt. 

“Do you want me to spend the night tonight?” I whispered, reaching over and holding his hand. 

Stiles shook his head, chewing on the inside of his cheek, “I want to be alone tonight.” He gave my hand a squeeze.

“Wouldn’t tonight be the worst time to be alone?” 

“I just want to be at home with my dad. I need some time for myself.” 

“(Y/N).” We both turned at my father’s voice, “Let’s go, sweetie.” We both looked back at the grave.

“Okay. Well, call if you change your mind.” I gave his hand a squeeze before letting it slip away. 

We got into the car, making our way back home. 

“How you holding up, sweetie?” Mom turned back and looked at me over the sink. 

“I don’t want to be alone tonight.” I said, looking out the window.

“Well, you don’t have to.” Dad said, “We’ll get into our pjs and watch Disney movies. You know how much Aunt Claudia loved Disney movies.” 

I swallowed thickly, “Actually... I was hoping that I could go to see the Hales. If that’s okay.” Dad sighed loudly and mom smacked him subtly. 

“Sure, baby.” Mom said, a sad smile on her face, “I’ll call Talia when we get home.” 

-

When I was dropped off at the Hales’, Talia welcomed me with open arms, a blanket, and a hot chocolate. I guess what I needed was away from the whole situation. We played games, Laura braided my hair, we made friendship bracelets. At the end of the night, Laura and Cora had fallen asleep to the movie we had been watching and Derek had snuck us both onto the roof of the Hale house. We were on our back, looking up at all the stars in the sky and the moon shining down on us. We had been in silence for a while until Derek cleared his throat awkwardly. 

“So, uh, are you excited for high school next year?” 

I sighed and shook my head, “After today? I don’t think I’ll be ready for anything.”

“Yeah...” He turned on his side to face me, “I’m sorry about your aunt. I know she was important to you.” 

“Thanks...” I turned, “I guess I’m just kinda worried about everything. I don’t know what life is going to be like without her. And I’m worried about Stiles too.” 

“I bet. I don’t know what I would do if I lost my mom.” He said. Then, he reached out and grabbed my hand, “Whenever you feel like this again, let me know. You can come over and we can do this again. Whatever you need, I’ll be there.” 

I smiled, a slight blush to my cheeks that I really hoped was hidden in the dark, “Thanks, Derek.” 

“Of course.” He smiled, “It’s what friends do.” 

-

The communication with Beacon Hills was slim to none. And, ya know, that didn’t feel great. I understood that everyone was busy living their lives whether it was being a high school student or fighting supernatural beings or being a supernatural being or the sheriff in a town full of both. But unanswered texts and calls were starting to get to me. 

The ones I got weren’t great either though. Stiles occasionally sent me a long email about the events that had happened since long distance calls weren’t in the phone plan. 

I had learned more about the alpha pack - a blind one, a woman who could definitely use a manicure, a strong man, and twins who could morph into each other. I was almost a little happy I didn’t have to deal with that. 

All the betas were missing except Isaac who had stayed behind. Even if he did get in trouble every now and then. 

And then missing turned into dead. Hearing that Erica was dead really hit me hard. I barely knew the girl, a few moments and quick chats usually didn’t mean that much. But they found her locked in a closet, rotting. It was horrifying. She was a child. She was finally enjoying her life - a new life without seizures and bullying, her parents had taken her to get pictures taken; happy to see that their little girl loved herself for the first time. Now she was gone. 

They found Boyd alive, thankfully. And surprisingly, they had found Derek’s sister: Cora. 

Not forgetting that there were flocks of animals committing mass suicide and kids turning up murdered. It seems home is getting more and more dangerous. Not only was there an alpha pack but there was a creature called a Darach, a dark druid. 

The leader of the alpha pack, Deucalion, was trying to get Derek to join his pack. He also wanted me to join as well, apparently he had been asking where I was. To join, he would have to kill the betas. Derek, who I’m sure was done being manipulated, refused. To keep him safe, Derek kicked Isaac out of the depot to live with Scott. 

Speaking of dead...

Even thousands of miles away, the vision of falling three stories still hurt as much as if I was actually there. A battle between the alphas, Derek and Scott. And honestly, I wasn’t sure if Derek was alive or dead. Every little message I thought to him just echoed in my head. I had cried, tried forcing myself to work through it. But nothing really worked. I still woke up in the middle of the night, naked on the castle grounds having shifted my feelings or else I was instinctually trying to search for him. First it was anger, next it was denial, then more anger. And that was all just last night. 

Hell, not even forgetting to mention the fact that the test Lachlan ran on me was a little more than just a blood panel. They checked for human chorionic gonadotropin hormone aka the pregnancy hormone. And things were just getting better and better. Because it was positive. I am pregnant. And the father may be dead. 

-

Sending a preemptive long distance fee to Stiles’ PayPal account, I called the house phone. It didn’t have caller ID but it was something. Michael didn’t think it was a good idea, however, it was gonna be a cold day in Hell before I listened to his double agent ass. Lachlan thought I deserved closure. And I trusted him more. 

“Stilinski residence.” Stiles’ voice was a little scratchy, but still loud and clear. 

“Stiles, if you hang up on me I swear you will live to regret it. I still have access to your secret YouTube channel.” There was a pause on the other end, then a sigh. 

“Hey (Y/N). I was wondering why I got an email from my PayPal."

 "Is there a reason I've been on everyone's pay no mind list? Because it's starting to piss me off."

"Well... Derek said that we shouldn't worry about or get you stressed out."

"So not talking to me for months is supposed to help?" I raised my eyebrows.

"Uh... Ya got me there."

I groaned and started tapping my foot, "I just...." My mind seemed to go blank, my heart rate going up. That's not right. I wasn't doing anything to make it spike like this.

"I know, I know. And I'm sorry, I wish I could contact you more. But there's a lot going on here with the alpha pack and Lydia and-and Derek-"

"Shit." I wheezed, sitting down on the bed. My body felt so warm and not in the way it normally would.

"Yeah I know, it's a lot right now-" His voice was drowned out by my senses taking over. It was the familiar warmth of intimacy. But not from me. It was Derek! He was alive. But he was with someone. And that someone-

He was kissing her. Touching her. His heart racing. Her touch set his skin ablaze and nothing else mattered. Not even the wounds on his body that nearly killed him. But all that mattered was her intoxicating touch. The touch of a woman he didn’t know. But her whole being enveloped him.  

I screamed loudly in anger, but behind that anger was so much pain. My chest ached and felt like it was being pulled across the world. I dropped the phone, holding my chest.

"(Y/N)? (Y/N)! What's wrong?!" My breathing was erratic and my thoughts were going wild between what had just happened and what I was thinking and what I had to do from here. I felt so helpless and alone. What could I do?

Then... There was an answer. Maybe it was the stress? Maybe it was my raging hormones? But I had my answer.

I picked the phone back up.

"(Y/N)! Talk to me, what's going on?"

I inhaled and exhaled deeply, "Derek’s alive."

"He is?"

"But not for long." I hung up.

How dare he? HOW COULD HE? AFTER EVERYTHING WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH OUR ENTIRE LIVES AND HE JUST- JUST THROWS IT ALL OUT? And for what? Who could have been more important than me? I'm his stupid mate for Christ's sake.

But if he wants to sleep around?

Fine.

Fine.

He could for the next thirteen hours. Because I'm going back to Beacon Hills for the soul purpose of ripping his heart out like he did mine. And if this emotional trauma affected my child? Well, there were repercussions for that too.

-

Michael and Lachlan were in my room, watching me as I threw together a bag to take on the plane. Remarkably, as a member of the Lunar Circle I would get free airfare courtesy of Lachlan mostly because the guy was insanely rich and he agreed with my revenge plot, for the most part.

"Okay, let's think rationally here." Michael said, taking things out of my bag as I was putting them in, "He's a total douche bag for doing this. We all agree. But in your state, I don't think you should fly. I mean anything could happen."

"I can fly until I'm thirty-six weeks along." I said curtly, grabbing my things out of his hands and putting them back in the bag.

"Come on, think about what you're doing-"

"I have thought about it. And I'm going to kill him."

Michael looked back at Lachlan who had his arms crossed over my chest, only observing.

"A little help here, Praetor McLeod?"

Lachlan shrugged, "Seems justified to me."

"Murder? Murder seems justified to you." He asked incredulously.

"It's the werewolf way." Lachlan said simply.

"Thank you, Lachlan." I smiled.

"Anytime."

"Okay, what about this?" Michael stood in front of my path to my bag, "Murdering him seems like a great idea right now, I totally get it. But-but if you do that, it will weigh heavily on your conscience."

"The Lunar Circle has excellent insurance, including therapy." Lachlan chimed in.

I moved Michael out of the way, "Duly noted."

Michael sputtered, "And-and your baby? What about your baby? That's their dad."

"Their dad who decided to stick his penis in another woman." I raised my eyebrows at him, "That one? Yeah, what a stand up guy."

“But you love him. Don’t you think killing him-”

“Michael!” I slammed my suitcase shut, “Shut up.” I turned and faced both of them, “You’re right, okay? I do love him, which is the worst part. I hate him so much but I still love him. I dedicated my life to him and I thought he had dedicated himself to me. I was wrong.” I zipped the bag and made my way out the door, “I’ll be back at the end of the week.”

-

Getting on the plane didn’t take long. Relatively short lines, quick ticket, fast boarding. Like someone was looking out for me as I went to kick Derek's ass. Becoming alpha to Derek's pack was starting to sound better and better as the pain continued to radiate through my body. Eventually, I just felt numb.

The people on the plane were nice. I sat next to an older gentleman who slept for the most part so I could whisper profanities under my breath. The stewardess had been kind, making sure I had enough to drink. It seems someone had tipped them off I was pregnant, probably Michael. The guy had been a nervous wreck since he found out I was pregnant. He wouldn’t even let me train, not like he had much of a choice in what I did. But he sure knew how to annoy me out of a room. Lachlan had been supportive, talking about adding an additional room onto mine for a nursery. I told that it wasn’t necessary since I wouldn’t be staying in Scotland that long. 

After the plane landed, I was met by a very tired looking Stiles. We didn’t speak much, just began the drive back home. 

"So...." He swallowed, his eyes darted from me to the road ahead, "Pregnant," He chuckled nervously, "That-that's great! I'm so happy for you.” He tapped his fingers against the steering wheel. He was hesitating, he wanted to say something else, “Uh...Speaking of-” I groaned loudly, another lecture. 

He ignored my dramatics, “Maybe you shouldn't kill him. That's not good for the baby..." 

“It wasn’t good for the baby when he decided to take our bond, step on it and rub it in the dirt.” He was silent, but not for long.

"Yeah-but you see we kinda need Derek to help with some big bads. Like Deucalion and the Darach and ya know, other stuff." 

"I remember you telling me about it. I tried to do some research but Lachlan said that we didn’t have too much information on them.” 

“Well that’s not too helpful.” 

-

We made it back to the house at sunset, which was perfect timing. The cover of night would be great to conceal me in the dark. Sure, he would smell my scent but he would have no idea where I was coming from. I pulled on the handle on the door but stared at it when it didn’t budge. Still locked. I looked back at Stiles. He looked tired, a wreck.

“Would you just... See dad before you cover yourself in blood? He was really excited to hear you were coming home.” Like he always seemed to be, Stiles’ was right. I should see Uncle Noah. 

“I will. I need to rest anyway. Besides, I can’t kill him on an empty stomach.” I winked.

“You terrify me.” He unlocked the doors. We got out just in time for Uncle Noah to jog down the driveway. 

“There she is!” He grinned, wrapping his arms around me and hugging me tight. 

“I missed you so much.” I said into his shirt, giving him a soft squeeze. He pulled away and looked over me, “Look at you.” He motioned to my stomach that looked more like I was bloated than a fetus growing inside of me, “This-this is... Mhm. Exciting!” 

I chuckled, “Thanks. Very mhm.” 

“Uh, you hungry?” 

“Starving.”

-

Dinner had been extremely awkward, the conversation mostly coming back to the child growing inside of me. Lots of questions from both of them. Mostly how I hadn't called. In actuality I had called approximately twenty times a day with no answer from anyone per Derek's request. Unfortunately for him, his requests were now being put on the back burner. I excused myself to my room.

My room was kept the same, I'm certain no one had been inside besides Uncle Noah. And from the ruffled blankets, maybe Stiles. Back when we were kids, we used to sneak scary movies and had to sleep in a huddled pile because we were too scared to sleep by ourselves. 

I grabbed a jacket and opened up my window, I was half way out of it when my door opened. Stiles stood in the doorway. We stared at each other for a minute. 

“I may regret saying this one day because I don’t care for Derek, but don’t kill him.” He said, “Kick the living shit out of him, sure. Get in a few punches for me. But don’t kill him. We need him.” Of course, all it took was Stiles to talk me off the murder-ledge. 

“I won’t kill him.” I smiled, “I’ll be home soon.”

-

Odds are, with the alpha pack threat Derek will have the depot protected. What he failed to remember was that the most dangerous being in the world had a key to every place in the depot. I simply walked in the front door. Almost like he was expecting me.

His scent was so strong, like the forest after it rained. It made this ball of emotion well up in my chest bringing me back to all the love and memories we had shared together. Not all the memories were life and death. They weren't all fights. Some days, Derek and I would curl up and bed and never leave, only grabbing food here and there. His smile would light up his whole face, sometimes it would even reach his green eyes and make them sparkle. When he would nap, he would lay his head on my chest and sleep, like he was finally at peace with himself and the world. That was the person I loved. 

I walked through the main room at the depot, getting to the stairs. The worst part here was the pictures, us together, the pack. I want to make the depot less abandoned and more homey for the betas to have a place to go and relax. Some of the pictures had turned heads at the photo developing counter (but I had managed to convince them that it was for a theater class). The worst part was that on my way here Boyd had been killed. If only I had been here soon, if only I had been here at all. Only two of the pack remained, Isaac and Jackson who was no longer a killer lizard thanks to Lydia. Say what you will about Peter Hale but sometimes he knew what he was talking about.  

If Derek knew I was here, he hadn’t tried to make a move. Smart. 

After wandering a bit, I finally decided to face the music. I found him hunched over his desk in the main office room. Rain was dancing against the fluorescent lights from the street lamps down below. He hadn’t looked up at me the whole time that I walked up to him. He felt defeat and alone. He had lost everything. He was looking down at his desk, his hands laced together. He looked up slightly, more looking at my shirt than my face. 

“I...” His voice was soft and quiet, something unlike the loud, booming man I was used to, “I messed up.” 

“Yeah, you did.” It was silent for a moment, then he spoke again. 

“Who’s with you?” He asked, his eyes scanning the room. 

I narrowed my eyes at him, “No one.” 

“Then why do I hear another heart-” His eyes widened. He stared directly at my stomach. I thought I almost saw his ears perk up. 

“Are you...”

“I am. I’m having a baby. Emphasis on the ‘I’m’.” I really hadn’t wanted to do much talking, I really hadn’t planned on saying anything besides obscenities and screaming at him. He stood up from the desk and quickly came around, he reached his hand out towards my stomach but I smacked it away. 

“You have no right to touch me. Especially when I can still smell her stench on you.” I scrunched up my nose and sneered. 

“Look,” He licked his lips, “I can’t give you a good answer or an excuse-”

“Good, because I don’t want one.” I glared. 

He looked at me a moment then continued, “I don’t know why I did what I did. Something just came over me. Please tell me you believe me.” He put his hand on my shoulder. 

He really should have taken a lesson out of his own book. With amazing speed, I grabbed him by the throat and threw him across the room. When he landed, my features shifted and my eyes glowed red. He groaned, holding at his waist. That’s where he had been injured in the alpha fight, it had healed but it was still sore. 

“I don’t want your apologies.” I growled, walking towards him, “I want you to feel what I felt. The pain and the suffering. The violation...” I chuckled darkly, “You know that I felt her hands on you? Touching the most private parts of your body that only I was supposed to feel. Do you know how disgusting I felt afterwards? I felt used and dirty and it wasn’t even my body.” I stepped on his chest with my boot to keep him down on the ground. He still wasn’t looking at me. I snarled, grabbing him by his shirt and shoving him against the concrete pillar he landed on. 

“Look at me!” I roared, “You broke me into a million little pieces. You didn’t answer my calls.” I punched him. 

“You kept me hidden in the dark about Erica’s death.” I hit him again. 

“You wouldn’t let my family communicate with me and when they did they couldn’t even tell me everything that was going on. I was begging to hear from someone, anyone, I was all alone!” I threw him across the room. 

“You blocked my number two months ago.” I stalked over to him, ignoring the tears running down my face, “I couldn’t even hear your voice on your goddamn voicemail!” I got down on my knees and grabbed his chin so that his eyes met mine. 

“LOOK AT ME!” I screamed, “Look what you did to me! For months you’ve been using our bond for your own strength, strength that used used to heal and have sex with another woman!” My voice was starting to crack as all the things I had thought about were coming out, “See how much my heart broke when I felt how happy you were with someone other than me.” He was finally looking at me. The worst thing though was that his eyes were full of so much love for me, that special twinkle that Peter said only happened when he looked at me. I wasn’t angry anymore, I was devastated. 

“I came here to kill you.” I sniffled, my features shifting back to normal, “I wanted to tear your heart out. But I can’t... I can’t because I love you and I don’t want to hurt you anymore. I shouldn’t have hurt you, but I want to because of what you did.” As the anger fogged cleared, I realized that I was just as bad as he was. 

“You had every right to hurt me-”

“No, I didn’t. I shouldn’t have hurt you. I’m sorry.” I looked down at my hands, “I felt so out of control. I thought I was getting better at it.” 

“You were.” Derek sat up slowly, “It’s the baby. All of your emotions are going to be heightened. More than usual.” 

“It doesn’t matter.” I made my way towards the exit, not caring that he was calling after me, running to catch up to me. I just left him there. Even when I got home and he tried to get into my window, I just ignored his pleading. What I did wasn’t right, I shouldn’t have hit him or punched him. I was just so angry and that anger clouded my vision. 

Weren’t we a pair - one cheats and the other goes into a blind rage. Perfect. 

------------

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[loove-persevering]

I Can’t Take It (JJ x Reader)

Description: hii i love your writing!! could you maybe write for jj x reader where reader has an anxiety attack because of her parents treating her like trash or something? make it extra angsty pls

WARNINGS: ABUSE, SWEARING

 Growing up you were always thankful for the things you had, the advantages you were given, the effort your parents put into making your life as easy as possible. Those things were all appreciated but never asked for, and most importantly never expected. You never thought of yourself as better than anyone because you had money, hell it wasn’t even yours to begin with it was your parents. 

 You were a kook and sometimes you were even ashamed of that word. You grew up in a nice private school that your parents paid a pretty penny for and saw first hand what the effects money did on children when they had easy access to it. People would do drugs, impulsively buy things, spend the money as if it was their own and that was a bad spiral to go down. In all the years you went to school in kook territory you never found a single friend that was genuine, that wasn’t so caught up in the thought of money, drugs, and themselves. 

Then you met Kiara, who then introduced you to Pope, JJ, and John B. The most selfless people you knew, your best friends. The sad things was your parents didn’t know about them, you couldn’t bring them around the house because how they felt toward pogue kids. Especially kids like JJ who had a reputation for being a little reckless, even though you knew his recklessness mostly came from a place of defense. 

Your parents sadly were skeptical of kids that didn’t come from the same type of wealth you did, it scared them. So when you’d head out with your real friends they thought you were somewhere else, you had made up names of people so they would never actually call any real kooks. 

 You were at midsummers tonight with your parents dressed in the most beautiful dress you could think of but you were absolutely miserable. You managed to sneak a glass of champagne off a waiter without him noticing and you practically down the whole thing in one chug. You set the glass down on a table wiping your mouth with the back of your hand, ‘’Not very lady like,’’ You mother says to you forcing a smile. 

You immediately straighten up your hands pulling up the straps of your dress, you don’t need to say anything and you realize your father make his appearance right next to your mother, ‘’Were socialites why aren’t we socializing?’’ He asks through his smile. 

‘‘You’re daughter is being a handful as usual,’‘ Your mother says and you bite your lip trying to hold back your anger. 

‘‘Why don’t you go talk to your friends hunny,’‘ Your dad says gesturing over to Rafe and his friends, ‘‘Rafe’s always been a great kid, why don’t you go talk with him?’‘ Your dad says completely oblivious to the fact Rafe was not only doing hard drugs but a complete psychopath. You sigh making your way over to the group standing far enough away from them to remain off their radar. 

 You saw Pope from a distance helping out his dad and he offers you a kind smile from afar, it was nice to know you had at least one person that wasn’t a total douche around. You aimlessly try to avoid your parents the rest of the night and you eventually find yourself wandering around the halls of the house from the inside of the mansion midsummers was being held at. You were walking around a corner when a certain blonde haired boy runs into you, ‘’JJ,’’ You breath out a sigh of relief, ‘’You immediately embrace him in a hug, the last time you saw him he was in handcuffs but when you went back to the station later his bail had been posted. He doesn’t hug you back he just pulls away turning around panicked as if he was being chased. ‘’You’re face JJ,’’ You say reaching up to caress his cheek. 

He takes his hands gripping the sides of your arms, ‘’I need you to stall,’’ He says breathlessly, ‘’Just stall for me okay?’’ He says pointing at you rushing into the mens bathroom. You turn around completely unaware of who you were suppose to stall that was until Rafe rounds the corner with a bunch of his goons. 

‘‘Going somewhere?’‘ You say laughing, ‘‘Actually Rafe I’ve been looking for you,’‘ You say resting your arm against his bicep. ‘’You’re a hard guy to track down,’’ You say laughing lightly, he tries to move around you but you step in front of him blocking his way around. 

 ‘’Move,’’ He says to you pushing you out of his way and you fall slightly your heels not helping your balance at all. The rest of the guys rush past you and you sigh taking off your heels wanting nothing more than the aching pain in your feet to subside. You were just about to enter the mens restroom seeing why JJ was running when you hear your dads voice. 

‘‘Y/N!’‘ He voice seems to echo down the hallways. ‘’What the hell are you doing?’’ You hear him ask glancing from you to the mens restroom. ‘’Come on,’’ He says grabbing your arm pulling you back to the direction of the party. 

‘‘Can you just wait a minute-’‘ You protest but he only jerks you harder. 

‘‘They’re letting anybody into this party,’‘ He says rolling his eyes finally loosening his grip on your arm straightening his tie. ‘‘Why are you’re shoes off?’‘ He asks looking at you as if you were stupid. 

‘‘I just- my feet they were hurting and-’‘ You stutter trying to explain to him. 

‘‘Just put them back on,’‘ He says his face scrunched up in disgust his hand on the doorknob, he gives you a glare before stepping back out to the party. You sigh sitting down on a bench inside that was until you heard the once again another familiar voice echoing down the hallway. 

‘‘Look man I can walk myself out,’‘ You hear JJ tell the man in the suit. 

‘‘JJ?’‘ You call out, he glances up catching your gaze, ‘‘He’s my guest!’‘ You tell the man but he still aggressively pushes him out the door. You stand up from the bench following them out, ‘‘He’s my guest!’‘ You yell again now gaining the attention of the other midsummer guest. 

‘‘I got lets. Can you see that Brother?’‘ JJ asks gesturing to his feet but you still followed in pursuit. The man just keeps pushing him through the crowd JJ making snarky comments in hope to mostly likely gain some sympathy so he wasn’t being so man handled. You run behind him still trying to get the mans attention away from JJ. 

 JJ takes a swig of a drink still being pushed out the door, ‘’He’s my guest! I invited him!’’ You yell following from behind. 

‘‘Y/N!’‘ You hear your moms voice call out from behind you. Your father surely not far behind. You ignore her call and keep moving forward only a few feet from JJ. 

‘‘Let go of him! You can’t just boot him I invited him here.’‘ Kie yells out gaining the attention of those around her as well her parents protesting from behind her. ‘‘I’m a member of this club.’‘ She says. 

JJ pushes the man who had been escorting him away pointing up to Kie, ‘’Hey mandatory power hour at Rixon’s Kie, Y/N?’’ He says looking back at you gesturing out of the party. You glance back noticing your fathers tall demeanor making it’s way through the crowd no doubt pissed to catch you caught up in it all. You glance back to him for a moment then back to JJ, he holds out his hand winking at you and you couldn’t help but smile knowing the only way this night was going to end up somewhat decent was if you took his hand. 

 You reach out grabbing his hand and he smiles pulling you into his side for a hug, he spins you around and while doing so you catch a glimpse of your fathers face, utterly pissed was a good way to describe it. You took a big gulp slowly moving on past JJ wanting to put as much distance from you and your father as you possibly could. Kie followed in pursuit of JJ and so did Pope you all practically ran off Kook territory away from your parents, away from the guards, away from any responsibility you had to upkeep at the party. 

______________

When you arrived home later that night you had noticed all the lights off, John B was in the van JJ in the passenger seat. ‘’Good luck,’’ JJ says raising his hand giving you a salute. You smile trying to play it off but you knew all hell was about to break loose as soon as you enter your house. You walk up the back steps carefully your heels in your hand, the entrance to the kitchen was open thankfully and you slowly open the door trying to not make any sound. You make it inside successfully with out any loud sounds that could possibly wake your parents up, you let out a sigh of relief as you lock the door laying your heels next to the door carefully. 

 You walk through the hallway your foot upon the first step when you hear someone cough, you close your eyes knowing what was about to happen. ‘’What the hell was that tonight?’’ You hear your father ask. ‘’Who the hell were those people?’’ 

‘‘They were my friends,’‘ You tell him moving away from the steps so you were standing in front of the entry way of the living room. Your father turns on the lamp next to him and you wince at the sudden brightness. 

‘‘Your friends?’‘ He says letting out a merciful laugh, ‘‘I’ve never seen those people a day in my life, hell two of them were the help.’‘ He says. ‘’Since when do you hang out with those low lives?’’ He asks. 

‘‘Those low lives are the best people I’ve ever met,’‘ You tell him. ‘‘You don’t even know the half of it.’‘ You say rolling your eyes. 

‘‘I don’t know where this spunk of whatever the hell this is came from but it better be gone by the morning,’‘ He taunts, ‘‘Your mom was in distress the entire night, because of you.’‘

‘‘What if it’s not then?’‘ You ask him. ‘‘What if this is how I want to spend my time?’‘ You ask him. 

‘‘We give you everything!’‘ He screams not doubt waking your mom up. ‘‘We give you everything you could ever ask for and you want to run around with the damn help?’‘ He says. 

‘‘They’re my friends!’‘ You yell back finally raising your voice. 

‘‘Y/N?’‘ You hear your mother call out and you glance up noticing her at the top of the stairs in her robe. 

You glance back to your father who had gotten up from the chair making his way over to you only a few feet from you, ‘’You’re ungrateful,’’ He tells you. ‘’You don’t appreciate anything-’’ He begins to say. 

‘‘That’s a lie!’‘ You groan back at him. ‘’You two are so stuck up on this damn high horse you don’t even see that I am around people I like!’’ You tell him. ‘’You think they’re below us because they don’t have enough money?’’ 

‘‘I think they’re trouble, and obviously they’re a bad influence on you. I mean look how you’re acting! And for what?’‘ He says his hand waving around him. ‘‘That kid was getting pushed out that you were so over the moon to follow was in jail this morning, did you know that?’‘ He asks you. 

‘‘I did,’‘ You say simply. ‘’And for a good reason too.’’

‘‘You’re defending criminals now?’‘ He asks. 

‘‘I’m defending my friend,’‘ You tell him staring him straight into the eye, ‘‘My family,’‘ You clarify. 

‘‘Family?’‘ He says letting out a laugh. ‘‘You think those people are your family?’‘ He asks you. 

‘‘They’re more of a family than I’ve had in years.’‘ You spit out. Then all of a sudden it happened your hand instinctively reached up to cup your cheek where your fathers palm had just hit. You felt the tears in your eyes as you held your hand against your face. Your father had never hit you before, ever. You could hear your mother coming down the stairs but by the time she had gotten down you had made your way back down the hall and running out the back door. 

‘‘Y/N!’‘ You heard your mother yell from the door. You kept running, your body was at a high as if you were running on full adrenaline. Your knees felt weak as if they would give out any second but you could only hope they would get you where you wanted to go, the one place you felt like you needed to go. 

_______

Sometime later you arrived at John B’s house, you hadn’t even realized how much time had passed by the time you got there. You walk up to the window knocking on it gently a few times your hands were shaking you weren’t sure from if it was how cold you were or if it had something to do with the slight pressure in your chest. It takes a few knocks before you finally see the light turn on in the bedroom and a few seconds later the blinds fly up exposing JJ his hair a mess and his clothes all messed up from sleeping. 

He was rubbing his eye when he noticed your state, immediately waking him up. He holds up a finger to you and you nod your head watching him walk out the bedroom door, the light on the porch turns on and JJ comes stumbling out over to you. ‘’Hey, hey.’’ He says rushing over to you pulling you into a hug. You didn’t bother hugging him back you just stay still allowing him to embrace you. He pulls away slowly from you his hands gently touching the sides of your arms, ‘’What happened?’’ He asks. 

You open your mouth but the words fall short- JJ looks at you and you feel his hand come up wiping away the tear you hadn’t realized had fallen. ‘’I just-’’ You start but can’t finish and you feel your self gasp for air slightly. JJ wraps his arms around you pulling you into his body the warmth felt good on your cold skin. 

‘‘You’re freezing,’‘ He says, ‘‘Come on.’‘ He says guiding you inside. 

‘‘Woah,’‘ John B says coming out of his room noticing you. 

‘‘I got her,’‘ JJ says to him and John B just stares and watches. ‘‘Give me a minute alright?’‘ He says walking you into his room and you take a seat on his bed. He wraps his blanket around you and tells you he will be right back and when he leaves you could hear him and John B outside the door. 

‘‘What happened?’‘ John B asks. 

‘‘I don’t know she just showed up here like that, fuck.’‘ He sighs. 

‘‘Did you uh-’‘ John B pauses, ‘‘Did you see her cheek?’‘ He asks. 

You don’t hear an answer to that, but a few moments later JJ comes barging back in the room which makes you jump a little, ‘’Sorry,’’ He says shutting the door with his foot and making his way over to the bed. ‘’Can you tell me what happened?’’ You close your eyes shut forcefully shaking your head, ‘’Alright, alright.’’ He sighs. 

You let out a shaken breath before you look up at JJ concern was written all over his face, ‘’My dad,’’ You sigh. ‘’He just-’’ You try to explain once again but fall short. 

‘‘Hey you don’t have to talk,’‘ He tells you wrapping his arm around you. ‘‘You don’t have to say anything,’‘ He tells you. ‘‘You’re safe here.’‘ 

‘‘That’s why I came here,’‘ You tell him looking up offering him a small smile. ‘‘Could I borrow some clothes?’‘ You ask him quietly not wanting to bother him more than you already had. 

‘‘Oh yeah,’‘ He says standing up from the bed. He rummages through his drawers and finally hands you a t-shirt of his and some basketball shorts. ‘‘I’ll just step outside-,’‘ He says awkwardly making his way over to the door shutting it. 

After you had finished changing you walk over to the door slowly opening it and JJ turns around his face still laced with panic, he looked relieved when he saw you weren’t still crying. ‘��I’m done- you can come back in now.’’ You let him know. He nods his head opening the door more, you watch as he grabs a pillow of the bed and a blanket, ‘’JJ?’’

‘‘Yeah?’‘ He turns around to face you immediately. 

‘‘Could you stay with me?’‘ You ask him, ‘‘If you don’t want to that’s fine I just-’‘ You begin to say but he cuts you off. 

‘‘Y/N, of course.’‘ He says offering you a small smile. You smile back at him making your way onto his bed and he goes to turn out the light and you feel him slowly crawl into bed next to you. 

‘‘Thank you,’‘ You tell him finally feeling calm enough to talk. ‘‘I was scared you wouldn’t answer,’‘ You let out a small laugh. 

‘‘I’ll always answer for you,’‘ He lets you know. ‘‘Did your dad hit you?’‘ He asks. 

‘‘Yes,’‘ You answer immediately and you hear him take in a deep breath. ‘‘He’s never done it before,’‘ You let him know. ‘‘It was the heat of the moment, I was just pushing him and-’‘ You let him know not really sure as to why you were defending your dad. 

‘‘Nobody should ever hit their kid,’‘ He says simply. ‘‘Especially you.’‘ He says. 

‘‘I don’t know if I can go home, face him again I mean.’‘ You admit to him. ‘‘This feels more like home than any other place,’‘ You tell him. ‘‘You feel like home too,’‘ You tell him. 

‘‘Me?’‘ He asks shifting in the bed on his side so now he was looking at you. He had one hand under the pillow and the other resting on his side. 

‘‘Yeah, you feel like home. You make me feel safe.’‘ You tell him offering him a smile. And although you couldn’t see him fully you could tell he was smiling too. 

_____________

A/N: 

I LOVE ME A SOFT JJ FLUFF EVEN THOUGH THE BEGINNING WAS TENSE 

THANKS FOR SENDING IN THIS REQUEST!

[holylulusworld]

Magic Fate

Summary: You reside in the bunker as your best friend Sam insisted you need to hide from the monster as you are pregnant with his brother's child. The problem is – Dean doesn’t remember your week together…

Pairing: Alpha!Dean x Omega!Reader, Alpha!Sam x Omega!Reader (platonic/best friends), Castiel

Warnings: angst, pregnant reader, A/B/O, A/B/O dynamics, light smut, mentions of sexual intercourse/heat/rut, spells, Dean being a douche, Sam being a good friend, language, arguments, nesting

Words: 2,8 k

Hot, slick and animalistic. 

It wasn’t your plan to end up in a cheap motel bed, the cocky hunter on top of you. He was wild, unstoppable and you submitted without thinking twice, believing Dean finally stopped hating you.

Your voice was hoarse at the end of the first night, your body sore and your neck, well it was marked with his claim.

Dean still didn’t let up, he was like a man on a mission, or possessed as he pumped his cock into you. Anytime you believed he will give you a break, Dean was on you again.

He called you his mate, beautiful and sexy but it all ended the moment Sam stormed into the room, followed by your favorite angel.

It didn’t take long to break the spell, and to your horror – Dean lost consciousness while you were wide awake.

Shame filled you as your best friend found you underneath his brother, crying out dirty words to urge the wild Alpha on.

You believed you and Dean could find a way to cope with what happened. It wasn’t his fault, nor was it yours but when he woke a few hours later – Dean didn’t remember he spent the last week with you…or that he claimed you.

Now you are here, in the middle of a fight between the man who claimed you and his brother, your best friend. Well, not in the middle. You are standing at the sideline, unseen by both brothers.

Thing is – Dean didn’t spend that godforsaken week with you on free terms. You realized too late that the witch you were fighting put a spell on both of you.

While you can remember every detail. Every word. Every moan. Every high you and Dean reached - the hunter acts as nothing happened. Well to him nothing happened – but to you, your whole life changed.

“She shouldn’t be here Sammy, you know that. Why can’t she stay at her place?” Dean’s words make you flinch. 

“Dean, she is seven months pregnant and a hunter. What happens when any monster or demon finds Y/N in her condition? She has no one to turn to but me, her best friend.” Sam raises his voice, frantically running his fingers through his hair.

Sam had to promise you to never tell Dean what happened. The mark at your neck started to fade the moment Sam broke the spell. Now it's only a barely visible scar which will disappear sooner or later.

“That’s not my problem, nor yours. It’s the Alpha’s problem who was dumb enough to knock her up! I don’t want a needy Omega in our home.” Dean retorts. “What happens when that guy comes around and finds her with two other Alphas?”

“Dean just stop it! I don’t think he will come here, okay. Y/N is my friend since Stanford. She will not leave, period.” Sam is just done with his brother’s behavior, so he turns to leave the kitchen.

“Yeah. Why should the Alpha come back to her? It is not as if anyone wanted her…” Spatting the words Dean catches a glimpse of you.

He wants to say something, wants to apologize but you press your hand to your mouth, gasping.

“Y/N…fuck, Dean…” Sam tries to soothe you, but you step backward, shaking your head furiously. 

“I…I’ll be gone in the morning, Dean. You do not have to worry about me and my bastard child any longer. You’re right… Wy should he have stayed after he had what he wanted…no one would…” Sniffling you rush toward the room next to Sam’s to hide in your makeshift nest.

“Dean, you fucking idiot! If she gets hurt or worse…we are done…” Sam storms off while Dean stands in the kitchen, not knowing why you were that hurt by his words.

You two used to be at each other’s throat, never got along well as you tend to pretend you are Beta or even Alpha to make sure the other hunters do not underestimate you.

Not minutes ago, you looked like a kicked puppy and Dean’s stomach dropped as he never saw you cry before. The hunter always believed you are too cold-hearted to even show emotions.

Now he knows better and feels like the worst person ever…

“Y/N, it’s me, Sam. Do you want to talk about it? Do you need anything?” Sam stands in front of your room, head hung low he listens to your silent sobs. “Y/N?”

“’m fine, Sam. I just realized it was a stupid idea to come here. Dean is right. I only caused chaos and fights between you and your brother. I’ll find a safe place. Maybe I can spend some time at Donna’s place until I found an apartment.” Wiping your eyes with the blanket you suppress another sob.

“Y/N, can I come in? I know you didn’t feel well this morning.” 

“I am fine, Sam. Just go to sleep, you need it. Stop worrying about me. Last time I checked I wasn’t your responsibility. Just leave me alone…” Your words came out way too harsh, but you need to distance yourself from Sam.

“I know you try to push me away, but this won’t work with me. You know that. I’ll leave you alone for tonight, but tomorrow we will find a better solution than you leave the bunker.” 

Sam places one hand onto your door, sighing heavily as he can hear you try to hold back another heartbreaking sob.

Past midnight Dean strolls through the hallway, still not knowing how to fix things he listens to you talk to someone.

“I am fine, Castiel. Just a bit of evening sickness or something.” Muttering you take a sip of the water you tried to get as the angel stopped you. “Stop looking at me like I am a broken doll or crap.”

“Y/N…” Castiel sighs heavily. “You need to tell him. He can’t keep on doing this to you while it’s his fault you are in this condition. We have to do something about it.”

“No, Cas. We have to do shit, okay. I am pregnant as I gave in to my instinct. He was just lost in his instinct and the spell. It was…bad luck, I guess.” Huffing you grab your glass of water. 

“Listen, you can’t leave the bunker. Not pregnant with a Winchester baby!” Dean’s heart beats faster. 

His brother knocked you up and didn’t say a thing? Why is Sam hiding you and his brother are a thing?

“Cas, it was just my bad it wasn’t Sam who got hit by the spell. I know he would’ve been able to handle he claimed and knocked me up during his forced rut. Dean is…”

Sniffling you place one hand onto your baby bump. “He always hated me from the first day we met. There is no way to tell him it’s his son in my belly.”

Dean’s legs are about to give in as he must listen to your conversation with Castiel. Not in his wildest dreams, he would have imagined you could ever be interested in him.

You always gave him glares and snarky comments, even kicked his balls years ago. But here you are, carrying his child and you seem to be sad he doesn’t give you attention.

“Y/N, the mark is fading. You and Dean need to bond soon…” Castiel tries to help you, but your forced smile let him fall silent. 

“He doesn’t want me or my baby. Dean doesn’t have to know what happened. Let’s keep it that way.”

Walking toward your room you don’t recognize Dean flatten against the wall. He holds his breath, looks at your swollen stomach once again and his heart drops.

“You know, I am an angel and can sense you, Dean.” Castiel chuckles as Dean looks at the angel like a deer in the headlight. “I caught you with your hands in the cookie jar. It’s not nice to eavesdrop, Dean.”

“She’s…that’s…” Panting Dean looks at Castiel. “That’s my pup growing inside of her. Why can’t I remember anything? Why did Sam and Y/N never tell me so?”

“You can’t remember as only you got hit by the spell. When we broke it, you forgot what happened and we decided it’s for the best not to tell you about the witch and what she did.” 

“Why? I had the right to know!” Shrugging Castiel looks at his friend, a dark look on his face.

“The moment you woke all you had in mind was to nag about the fact that Y/N was around. You couldn’t remember Sam called her for the case and with every passing minute, I saw the hurting get worse. You have to know…”

Castiel steps closer to intimidate Dean. “Y/N can remember everything. Every word you said and every touch. I tried to stay out of her mind, but she replays the week in her head over and over again.”

“Cas…”

“It pains me to see Y/N like that. I offered to delete the memories, but she cried even harder. Do you know what she said?” Shaking his head Dean digs his fingertips into his thighs. 

“No…”

“Y/N said that this way, she has a pleasant memory of you, not only harsh words and hard looks. She’s vulnerable right now, Dean. You better stay away from her and the baby in her body…”

Dean doesn’t listen to his friend's words. He’s running toward the kitchen to prepare a meal for you. He did a lot of research lately to find out what a pregnant Omega needs. 

Believing you would reject his help, or rather him being close to you Dean acted like he doesn’t care. 

“She’s mine…” Humming silently he prepares food, water, and sweets for you before he rushes toward your room.

Dean is unsure how to start a conversation so he just storms into your room only to find you curled into a ball on a nest in your wardrobe.

“Sweetheart…” Dean’s heart drops seeing you want to close the doors to hide from him. “You shouldn’t make a nest in your wardrobe. It’s too small for you.” 

“It's safe in here. Now one can catch me off-guard.” Pointing toward the gun, an angel blade and the sigils you added to the doors you snuggle into the flannel you stole from Dean. “Don’t need much…”

“Y/N…shit…” Placing the tray with food onto your bed Dean kneels next to your wardrobe. “This doesn’t look comfortable, Y/N. How about making one on your bed…”

“No…no…” Furiously shaking your head you try to close the door again. “’s safe in here. No one can come in.”

Whimpering you must watch Dean get closer to your nest and you grasp for the knife under your pillow. “Stay away from my pup…”

“Jesus, Y/N. I would never hurt you or my baby.” An icy shiver runs down your spine as Dean moves closer to place his hand onto your belly. “’s my baby inside your belly…right?”

“How’d know?” Your eyes round as Dean moves one hand to your neck to brush your hair aside. 

“There is my mark. You’re my mate now let’s make a nest somewhere else.” You look at Dean as if he is crazy. “Sweetheart. Let me help you. I am sorry for what I said. It’s just…”

“You hate me…”

“No, Y/N. It’s…the thought you are pregnant with another Alpha’s pup made me go crazy. I couldn’t think about anything, but you are having that faceless Alpha’s baby…” 

He’s fighting to get hold of you as you wiggle in his grip as Dean tries to bring you into his arms. “Stop wiggling ‘mega. I want to bring you to my room. My mate will not sleep in a wardrobe…”

“I want to stay here. It’s safe and asshole proof.” Dean chuckles at your words, but you are not amused at all.

Fighting his hands, you call for Sam’s help but Dean is determined and hooks one arm under your legs and the other safely around your back to pick you up.

“Fuck, you're heavy. Sweetheart.” Smirk on his lips, Dean looks at you in his arms as he tries to get up. “You eat for three or four…”

“Only for two, idjit. Now let me down…” Punching his chest you glare at the hunter but he won’t let go of you. “Don’t drop me!”

“You’re heavy and annoying but I’ll not drop you, Y/N. Now be still and let your Alpha carry you into his room.” He groans as he gets up and you can’t hold back a chuckle as you know, you are way too heavy for him to carry you around. “I’ve got this…”

“What the…?” Sam storms into your room. Hair a mess, shirt upside down he looks at you in his brother's arms. “Dean?”

“Get out of my way. That’s my mate and pup. Next time, do not hide I had dirty and mind-blowing sex with your best friend. Damn…I wish I could remember…” While Dean forces his way out of your room, you call for Sam.

“Don’t, Sammy. She’s mine, not yours. You can open my door to help me enter the room, nothing else.” 

“That’s wrong…” Snarling you fight for your nest. Dean brought all the pillows, blankets and clothes to his room and placed it onto his bed but you are not satisfied. “You ruined my nest…”

“It looks better than yours.” Grunting Dean puts one of his flannels onto the nest but you toss it away. “OMEGA!”

“You’re a lousy Alpha. This is my job, idiot. Do not ruin my nest…” Wiggling on the bed you straighten the blankets, put the pillows a few inches to the left before you drape Dean’s flannels over the blankets. “That’s better. Now give me the one you are wearing…”

“No! That’s my favorite.” You are unimpressed. Holding out your hand you purse your lips, faking a sob and Dean strips the plaid off. “Greedy little Omega…”

“Stop muttering. Now I want your shirt…” Dean rolls his eyes as you move closer to the edge of the bed to tug at his shirt. “I want it, give it to me…”

“Damn, are you that dominant in the bedroom too? I could give you something better than my shirt…” Sticking your tongue out you point toward his chest. “You only want my clothes, I get it…”

“If you weren’t an asshole all the time, I’d let you knot me.” Eyes narrowed you snatch the shirt from his hands, not missing the chance to ogle the Alpha for a moment.

“I bet you want me to knot you good.” All cocky bastard again Dean kicks his shoes off. “I’ll conquer this nest…”

“Nah…” Pointing toward the floor you toss a pillow at Dean. “I will not share my nest with you. This is mine…” It’s your turn to grin but Dean ignores your words. 

Dipping one knee into the mattress he glances at the free place next to you. “I’ll lie next to you and my baby. I will not leave this nest. I am your Alpha, now be a good Omega and let me rest to protect you and the pup.”

“Hmm…” Glancing at Dean you make space for him to let him lie next to you. “You can lie there to attack any enemy. Do not touch me or the nest…” 

While you eye Dean warily he rolls to his side to face you. His hand lands on your belly but you do not shove it away.

“He’s mine…” Purring for you Dean scoots closer, becomes braver as he occupies half of your nest. “You’re mine. Now rest ‘mega. Tomorrow I’ll knot you good.”

“No…” Dean ruined half of your nest, dared to lie on his favorite flannel and your eyes darken. “This is my flannel, I want it…” Sniffing you purr low in your throat as Dean smells better than the fabric. “Or I’ll have you…”

“What?” Squeaking Dean must fight your hands but it’s too late. You dragged him onto your nest, rolled the hunter onto his back to make sure he’s in the middle of your nest. “Care to explain?”

“You are part of the nest now. Shush…” Ogling your nest you hum before you grasp for the last blanket. Dean dares not to move as you wiggle on his bed until you found a comfortable position.

One leg draped over Dean’s, head resting onto his chest you close your eyes.

“Do not move! You’re part of the nest, Alpha…”

“What if I have to pee?” Dean chuckles but your serious look makes him gulp. “Y/N?”

“I don’t care. You’re part of the nest. Now let me sleep…” 

“You’re one annoying Omega. I had to knock you up…must be fate…” Dean groans and you gently pat his chest.

“You’ll get used to being my Alpha. I’ll teach you all you have to know. We will start with my lessons tomorrow by you making me breakfast. Now shut your cakehole and be part of the nest.”

“I hate you…”

“Hate you more Dean…”

[nonagesimus]

sam/jess/brady in the rhps verse (but doesn't have to be rhps related)

anon? i love you. i’m so invested in this verse that very few people care about. this one IS going under a cut since it got a little excessive. the rhps fic, for anyone who would like context.

--

It wasn’t like Dean had timed it out or anything.

This wasn’t that kind of movie. No long keeping track of days, no semi-stalking. He just maybe had looked up whenabouts Stanford’s commencement ceremony was going to be. And maybe the date had stuck in his head. And then there was a classic salt and burn in Gilroy, and that was so close, so. It wasn’t like it was out of his way, is all.

The figure that crossed the stage when the name Sam Winchester was called was far too tall, beaming like pure sunlight, and as he walked into the group of graduates was immediately mobbed by a pair of blondes.

They were still pinned to his sides when Dean found him in the crowd of families and students afterwards.

“-rents get to argue about who’s taking us to dinner tonight,” guy-blonde was saying as Dean approached, tugging at Sam’s gown like he was straightening it.

Girl-blonde, tucked under Sam’s arm in a way that made Dean think girlfriend for sure, said, “That or one of us calls dibs on Sam and the other one goes solo. Rock, paper, scissors?”

“I’m not supporting that.” It was the first thing Dean had heard his baby brother say in over four years, and the bottom of his stomach went somewhere six feet down.

So, yeah, Dean wasn’t even paying attention to which of the blondes was talking, let alone what they were saying, as he got closer. Close enough to see the moment Sam saw him. Watched the smile slide off his face in favour of blank shock. Watched his spine go poker-straight which, yeah, the kid had gotten way taller than Dean remembered him being and he hated it just a little bit. Whatever conversation that had been happening died out completely. Dean stopped a few feet away.

“Hey Sammy.”

“Dean,” Sam said, and both blondes got a little more tense. “What are you doing here?”

“You think I was gonna miss your graduation,” he said, with a lot more confidence than he was feeling, and his douchiest grin.

The douche part apparently came across, because guy-blond muttered, “Oh, fuck off,” before turning to Sam. “This is your brother?”

Girl-blonde said, “Brady,” in a vaguely warning tone, and guy-blond said, “Jess,” sugar-sweet.

Which, at least now Dean knew their names.

“Yeah,” Sam said, still with his eyes fixed. “This is my brother, Dean.”

“Cool,” Brady drawled, folding his arms and stepping forward so he was standing between them. “Nice of you to show when you never call.”

Sam said, “Brady,” in the same tone Jess had before.

And Dean knew, he was not actually an idiot so he absolutely knew, that picking a fight with Sam’s friends was the stupidest thing he could choose to do at that particular moment, but his hackles were already up. “You got something to say about it?”

By his face Brady definitely did, but Sam said his name again, this time with a hand on his arm to draw him back. “It’s ok, just- Give us a minute ok. Go talk to your parents.”

Brady scoffed, showed no sign of leaving, but he did hang back with Jess when Sam walked off a bit of a distance, gesturing Dean after him.

“Nice to know you have such a good guard dog,” Dean said.

Sam sighed, folding his arms. “Why are you here, Dean? Why now?”

“It’s your graduation,” Dean said. “I know I didn’t go to college, but I know that’s a big deal.”

Sam just stared, eyebrows slightly raised, and that? That was new. Four years ago Dean would’ve had the chops to wait Sam out, even if it was only just. Apparently normal life had mellowed Sam out a little. Or maybe Dean was just a little on edge.

“I don’t know, Sam,” he said. “I just… Thought I’d come see what you were planning to do next.”

There was a terrible understanding look that crossed Sam’s face. His whole posture changed. “That’s- that’s really it isn’t it?” He shook his head, disbelieving. “You came to see if I got this all out of my system and I’m ready to come hunting again.”

“Hey, no,” Dean said, looking over his shoulder and seeing Brady straighten and turn towards them. “No, that’s not why I came. I just want to know, ok?”

He could tell from the set of his jaw that Sam didn’t believe him, but he wasn’t going to fight him on it. It was good enough. “Law school,” he said. “Still here. I got a full ride.”

“That’s- I guess congratulations are in order?” Dean said. “Let me take you out for a drink. Your friends too, I kind of feel like they’ll follow us anyway.”

“Probably,” said Sam, turning to head back towards the pair of them.

As they walked back, Dean did get the chance to pick on something that had been sticking out to him. “So, what’s with the earrings, trying to look like a younger, gayer George Michael?”

And they must have been within earshot, because Brady’s expression flashed venemous, before he turned to greet Sam with the words, “Everything ok, babe?” and a peck on the lips.

And Sam accepted it. Braced a hand on Brady’s waist and stayed close. “Yeah, everything’s fine.”

So that. Was something. Dean cleared his throat, tried to move on. “We were gonna go get a drink and catch up,” he said. “If you two wanted to tag along.”

And yes, they did, both splitting off briefly to relocate their parents and confirm plans for later on, and then they were back. Apparently they took some time to make a plan as well, because when they made the decision to drag Dean to a bar within walking distance Sam and Brady pulled ahead and Jess walked with Dean.

“Big move, showing up on graduation day out of no where,” she said, aggressively cheerful.

“Sure,” Dean said, straining despite himself to hear the conversation Brady and Sam were having ahead of them.

Sam’s arm was slung around Brady’s shoulders, and Brady’s was around Sam’s waist, so they weren’t talking loud, but Dean thought he caught Brady saying, “-so sorry-“.

“You wanna talk about your decision making process there, hot shot?” Jess asked.

The phrase, “-not hiding either-“ drifted back in Sam’s voice.

“Not really,” Dean said. Maybe he should’ve been playing nicer.

“Cool,” Jess said, drawing out the vowel so the word could be a sentence. Then she turned so she was standing in front of Dean and stopped walking, meeting his eyes with an expression that made it clear that she was just as angry as Brady seemed to be. “I need you to know that he’s been doing fucking awesome without you. And if you’ve pulled your head out of your ass far enough to be his brother again, that’s great, but you better not hurt him again.”

And Dean should’ve brushed it off. Should have said, “Sure,” or “Or what?” or any number of ways he could dismiss an implicit threat from some college girl. Maybe he didn’t have as much control over himself as he thought he did, because what he said was, “He’s the one that left.”

“Sure,” Jess said, voice scathing. “That’s how that works.” Then she’d turned and jogged to catch up with the others, tucking herself under Sam’s free arm and leaning up to kiss him on the cheek. Dean followed. Kept his distance for a little while. Until they got to a bar and settled into a booth.

He’d kind of hoped to regain to equilibrium in the bar. Kind of hoped eighteen years together would trump whatever dynamic Sam had built up with these two in Dean’s absence, that it’d be easy. They were family, after all. Instead it just rubbed in that as far as Dean was concerned the last four years of Sam’s life were a blank slate. That he’d done much, much more than just gotten taller, and Dean was pretty sure he was the same person he’d been when Sam had walked out that door. It wasn’t that it was awkward, he’d always been able to front, and Sam at least made an effort to include him.

He managed to get them to the pool tables, and that made things little easier. Gave him something to focus on. The familiar feel of a cue in his hands, the crack when the balls impacted. And it gave him the smugness of winning - no need to play dumb because, as tempting as it was, if he tried to hustle Sam’s boyfriend he didn’t think Sam would appreciate it. But he was winning, at least until he noticed Jess leaning to kiss Brady in the corner of his vision and missed a really easy shot, and Sam took the opportunity to clean up the whole rest of the table.

None of them acted like anything at all was up, and eventually Dean had to take a cigarette break and Sam followed him out.

“How’s dad?” he asked. Tentative, like he wasn’t quite sure of his footing.

“Fine,” Dean said. “Think he’s chasing werewolves in Louisiana right now.” There was a pause. “This whole thing with- you and Brady, and Brady and Jess…” He trailed off.

There was a touch of a smirk on Sam’s face. “Yeah?”

“I don’t have any idea what’s going on in your life, do I?” Dean asked.

It got a him a real smile. “No, no you don’t,” Sam said. “Look, they- they’re not your biggest fans. But if you do want to know what’s going on in my life, I’d like you to.”

“Yeah,” Dean said, voice suddenly rough. “Yeah- I’d. That’d be cool.”

“I missed you, Dean,” Sam said, quieter.

A big chunk of Dean desperately wanted to tell him they didn’t need a chick-flick moment, but that chunk was a big part of why he hadn’t spoken to his baby brother in four years, so instead he forced himself past in the lump in his throat to say, “I missed you too.”

[outerbonks]

complicated - jj maybank

Thanks for all the love on my last post, I really appreciate it ♡ let me know what you think of this one and if you think I should make more parts :)

Summary: You're a kook and JJ doesn't like you at all. That's what he wants everyone to believe anyway.

Word count: +2K

Warning (s): swearing, drinking

Masterlist ♡

Music pumped through the boneyard as you danced around with your friends, being a kook, you tried to avoid being on the pogue side of the island as much as possible, but keggers in the boneyard were impossible to pass up.

For the past fifteen minutes you'd been lost in the music, dancing and singing, admittedly buzzed from all of the cheap beer you'd drank throughout the night.

"Y/n! You came!" A voice called from behind you and you whipped around to see your friend Kie smiling brightly at you.

Giving her a big hug and returning her smile you nodded, "Yeah, great party!"

Kie was a sweetheart, you'd met her in school after her falling out with Sarah Cameron in the ninth grade, she was a breath of fresh air compared to some of the other snobs that attended the private high school and you both got along like a house on fire.

There was one issue with hanging out with her outside of school though. That issue was that her friends hated you- well, not all of them, only one of them actually, but he really really really didn't like you.

JJ Maybank has been a dick to you ever since he first met you. You don't remember doing anything to have pissed the hotheaded boy off but you never let his hostility fly.

Whenever he had something to quip at you, you had something just as snarky to throw back in his face. He didn't know anything about you yet felt the need to run his mouth about you as if he knew all of your deepest darkest secrets, when in reality the boy probably didn't even know your middle name.

At the beginning of your little rivalry with JJ, you had tried to be the bigger person and show him that you weren't like the other kooks. Of course he was having none of it.

So when Kie grabbed your hand and exclaimed, "Come sit with me and my friends!" Your stomach dropped and even in your tipsy state you knew that it wasn't a good idea.

"I dunno, Kie. I don't wanna fight with anyone tonight…" You trailed off with a pout, you'd had a shitty week at work and tonight was supposed to allow you to unwind and not be stressed out by a boy who hated you for reasons you didn't even know.

"Look, I'll handle JJ if he says anything okay? Just please come on, John B said he missed you." Kie pleaded with you, a triumphant 'yes' exiting her mouth when you sighed in defeat and began walking with her in the direction of her friends.

When you got to the boys who were all sat on logs, John B perked up, the tall boy immediately standing up to greet you with a hug.

"I haven't seen you in forever! Why haven't you been hanging out?" John B asked you with a concerned face, holding you at arms length.

"We've been super swamped at work, lots of new people coming in for the summer so I picked up a few extra shifts to help out." You explained to him but turned your face in the direction where the scoff had just come from.

"As if you need any more money than you already get from mommy and daddy." JJ grumbled sarcastically, looking to get a rise out of you.

You meant what you said to Kie earlier about not wanting to get in a fight, you were too tired.

"It's volunteer work, actually." You muttered bitterly before taking a seat between Kie and John B.

Most of your weekends and now weekdays since school ended for summer were spent volunteering at the old folks home on figure eight. It wasn't too stressful, you get paired up with an old person and you keep them company for the day, play board games and do things for them. It doesn't sound so bad, is exactly what you were thinking when you applied for it, but the hours were long and the nurses that worked there were assholes.

You'd dealt with enough snarky douche bags this week, you didn't want to have to deal with the blond boy too. You'd be using energy you just didn't have.

Luckily the conversation moved on quickly and you were all laughing at something Pope said.

"Do you want another beer?" John B asked you, standing up.

"No thanks. I think I've had enough." You giggled up at him and he nodded his head in agreement with a smile before heading to the keg.

Once he left, JJ wasted no time in stealing his seat and plopping down beside you.

You let out an irritated sigh but didn't say anything, you knew what was about to happen.

"Want a hit?" He asked, showing you the joint he'd rolled. You couldn't help but look at him in confusion, him offering you anything other than a snide remark was uncharacteristic.

"I guess." You responded unsurely, only to get a click of his tongue in return, "Damn sucks you don't have a joint then."

In all fairness you should've seen it coming. Rolling your eyes you turned your face away from him as he lit up the weed.

While you were ignoring JJ and enjoying a conversation with Pope and Kie you were interrupted by a Touron who tapped you on the shoulder.

"Hey." You couldn't lie, the boy standing in front of you with a shy smile on his face was gorgeous.

You smiled brightly, looking up at him from your spot, "Hi there."

JJ watched with narrow eyes as the guy rubbed the back of his neck nervously, "I was wondering if maybe you'd want to dance with me for a bit?"

Before you could even respond, JJ threw an arm around your shoulder casually and looked at the poor boy dead in the eyes, "No. She doesn't."

It was your turn to narrow your eyes as the boy scurried away.

"What the fuck?" You seethed at JJ, knocking his hand off your shoulder and turning to face him.

The boy in question shrugged his shoulders innocently, "Didn't think you wanted to dance."

"How the hell would you know what I want? You don't even know me." The words were laced in venom and it was clear that you'd finally had enough, not allowing the blue eyed boy to get a word in as you exploded.

"I get it, ok? You hate me and that's fine. But don't for a second pretend to know what I'm about because you don't know shit about me." Your jaw was clenched and you delivered your words through gritted teeth, poking his chest roughly as you spoke.

JJ scoffed out a laugh, grabbing your wrist to stop your relentless poking, "I know exactly what you're about, princess."

Looking at him with pursed lips you snatched your wrist from his grasp and crossed your arms over chest, "Tell me." The demand came out stone cold and JJ's face was covered in confusion, "What?"

"Tell me what I'm about." The boy stared at you in bewilderment before cocking his head to the side and nodding, "Alright."

JJ cleared his throat before he started rattling off reasons as to why he hated you, "You're just like every other kook on this island, a spoiled brat who gets everything handed to you."

Shaking your head at his answer you leaned closer to him with a glare that made a chill run up his spine.

"No no no. We all know what a kook is JJ, no I want you to tell me what I'm about. C'mon, what's my biggest fear?" You pushed at his chest again, enjoying how he swallowed thickly and stayed quiet.

"What age was I when it all started going wrong? Why can't I wear dresses to parties? Huh?" The boy kept quiet, he didn't have an answer to any of your questions and the point you were making started to dawn on him.

"Come on! Since you know everything about what I'm about you must know the answers." 

JJ let out an aggravated huff and threw his hands up in defeat, "Well I don't, alright?" He shouted defensively.

Giving him a fake smile and nodding you stood up, towering over him now.

"Right. Because you don't fucking know me. So stop acting like you do when you've never even bothered to get to know me." You spat at him before storming away.

Kie and Pope watched with dissatisfied looks on their faces, "Man, you suck do you know that?" Kie sighed out as she watched you get smaller and smaller.

"Also you do know Y/n is like the sweetest person on the planet right?" John B chimed in, returning from the keg.

"Why do you hate her?" Pope asked, tilting his head in confusion, JJ not liking you had just been something they all accepted and never questioned.

JJ shrugged, chugging his drink and tossing the cup to the side, "She's a kook." 

Kie scoffed this time, "Yeah and? Everyone else loves her. I don't get why you always have to make her feel bad, she tried really hard to get along with you." 

JJ's feeling towards you were complicated, the rudeness between the two of you had admittedly started off as just banter and when he realized he'd been enjoying the back and forth a little too much he needed to regain his distance. No way in hell could he fall for a kook princess, even if you were one of the nicest people he'd ever met.

He's never felt bad about the remarks he threw you or arguments he caused because you always gave as good as you got. It pissed him off because it only made him admire you more. He didn't notice it was taking a lasting effect on you until your little outburst.

To top things off, Kie, Pope and John B were always gushing about how much fun you were to hang out with and how they wanted to hang out with you more often, truth be told he'd love to see you hanging around more but his pride just would not allow him to get close to you.

"Look, if it would make you all chill out I will go and I will propose a truce so you can all go back to macking on Y/n in peace." The boy offered and was met with a chorus of thank yous from his friends.

He had to jog up the beach until he eventually found you sitting on the sand, close to the shore line with a bottle of water, attempting to sober up before you went home.

"Hey, princess." JJ said, voice flat as he sat down beside you on the cold sand.

You glanced at him briefly and sighed, "I'm not up for a round two."

The boy shook his head, staring out at the ocean thoughtfully, "That's not why I'm here."

Furrowing your brows you turned your face toward his, "Then why are you here?"

He ran his fingers through his hair then met your eyes, "I'm sorry that I'm an asshole."

He never usually apologized, but then again, you never usually snapped either so you were both full of surprises tonight.

"I'm not sorry for snapping at you. You deserved it." You replied softly, returning your gaze to the water in front of you.

JJ let out an airy laugh, nodding in agreement. 

"I don't hate you by the way." He confessed quietly.

"Then why are you so mean all the time?" You asked in return.

Instead of answering your question he posed a new one to you, "Do you wanna know what I'm about?"

You nodded, determined to get to the bottom of the boy beside you.

"I'm about keeping people at a distance. I do that by being an asshole. I'm about caring too much about my reputation to let myself be nice to you." To let myself fall for you. He wanted to say, but he couldn't put all of his cards on the table like that.

Nodding in understanding you let out a weak, "Pogues vs kooks… right." You knew for a fact that if you were considered one of the pogues JJ would've never had an issue with you.

"Right." The boy confirmed with yet another nod of his head. 

A silence settled over you both before JJ stood up, dusting himself off, "Come hang out with us this weekend. The others want you to be there."

Giving him a weak smile and a nod you watched as he walked away. That boy would never fail to confuse you.

You just hoped that now that he told you he didn't hate you, that maybe he'd start acting like it.

Part 2

[marvelousell]

The Agreement (Part 15.)

Pairing(s): frat boy!fwb!Tom x reader, frat boy!Harrison x reader

Summary: Tom is a typical frat boy, his love for partying, drinks and girls are bigger than his ego. Y/N is a whole different dimension, she keeps her circle small, and even though she knows her best friend Tom is a total douche, she can’t say no to the little deal that was sealed between the two of them

Word count: 2.8k

A/N: Well I was rooting for the beans to be spilled, somehow I’m sorry to keep you all waiting here for the truth to be said💀. One more part after this and I’m giving you two alternative endings! I will also make 2 epilogues so hope y’all enjoy it!

Warnings: angst, swearing

Add yourself to my tag list || Masterlist

< Previous Part

“Are you sure that everything is all right?” Your voice was small, barely audible because of the fear that you were asking too much tonight. Harrison was wordless for the past hour, the usual talkative and energetic Harrison was replaced with a tranquil and reticent one. It was bothering you, you wanted to be the one who he could trust with his thoughts and feelings.

“Yeah, sorry love. Did I zone out again?” His finger was ghosting over your skin repeatedly in the same way like it was an obligation. He was here, but the fact that his mind was somewhere else and not with you was the thing that concerned him. The messages stayed unread, but he still couldn’t stop thinking about them. You were also there, in the mess of his thoughts. You were such a pure person, the most breathtaking girl he ever saw and your modesty and tenderness still made his heart so warm. However Emily could do the same. Harrison knew she was nothing like you, that she was a total opposite and that was what got him hooked in the first place when he met her. You two were doing so good, so damn good and still are. Why did she came back now? It didn’t trouble him that she returned back home, but the fact that she was messing with his mind now after she completely screwed him over. That was the thing that made him so exasperated. He looked like a fool, he should have left everything he had with her in the past. Harrison was too good to be someone he wasn’t, he didn’t regret forgiving her for what she did, but he regretted not leaving everything there on that party. The coffee was unnecessary, the texting even more and the next meeting was something he didn’t even want to comment. Harrison was a tender-hearted guy, sometimes even too much. That’s why he was stressing, he knew how wrong this was and how keeping it as a total secret was something he will never forgive himself. There were many times when he tried to put himself in your shoes, he even questioned himself what if you did the same to him? What if he was the one to witness your emotional “cheating”. Yes it made his stomach churn from the thought and yes he was in a situation like that with the person who is now giving him once again a hard time. Everything was so wrong.

“You did.” You kept your words to yourself as much as possible, his silence was exhausting and you wanted it to end.

“Fuck.” He exhaled loudly, not sure what to do with this situation that was already so fucked up. Harrison was sure he was going mental at this point, begging for Emily to leave his mind just for a moment so he could breathe.

Your body was still, but not relaxed as it used to be next to him. You took the opportunity to turn on the side like you were hiding from his gaze. And maybe you were? You weren’t sure which reason was it now but the pick wasn’t hard. There were two reasons, two pretty clear reasons. Tom and him.

“Sweetheart.” He sighed as you shut your eyes. It hurt him that you knew something was going on and that you could feel him shutting you out. He didn’t deserve you.

“I’m just tired.” The plain respond and fragile voice was what brought him back where he should be. Here with his beautiful girl. Even if he ruined things, he couldn’t help but smile at your figure and face that tried to remain calm.

“Come here.” He spooned you, nuzzling his face in the warm crook of your neck relaxing immediately as your scent hit him. Was this the safest place for him? It definitely was. He was so sure about it.

“I am sorry for today. I know I didn’t behave like myself. So many things are on my mind that shouldn’t even be there and it’s freaking me out Y/N.” His grip on your waist tightened, afraid that you will leave.

“We all have problems Harrison, but we’re in this together. You having too much on your plate isn’t the thing that’s been bothering me but you shutting me off completely like you don’t trust me is something I’m worried about.” The words were so true, so true that he could feel the knot in his gut getting tighter every second after they left your mouth.

“I know. I know love. I’m so sorry. I-It’s just the whole college situation and I had a little disagreement with Harry so it’s been on my mind for a while now. I’m sorry that I shut you off but this is stupid and making you worry about it wasn’t what I wanted.” Lies. Nothing comes good from them. He swallowed the lump in his throat after he tried to gain your trust with these awful lies. God Harrison you’re a sore loser.

“Hey, it’s okay Haz. Whatever it is about college I’m sure you will ace it I have no doubts about it and whatever thing you had with Harry you will sort it out, you know he can’t stay mad for a second so I wouldn’t stress about that especially. And you never make me worry about your feelings. Please I would rather know what’s going on than see you get lost in your thoughts and overthink it if I’m the reason, if I did something that could made you feel despondent or something.” You were too good to be true, he still couldn’t see your face, he squeezed his eyes shut as the guilt ate him up alive. He loved you, adored every single feature of yours, he wanted everything with you. Maybe this was a call for him to wake up. Harrison could feel the warm small hand resting on his cheek, your face close to his.

“You know that I love you don’t you?” You breathed out a chuckle after he spoke, the warm breath fanning his skin that was prickled with goosebumps. He needed you.

“I do and I love you more. We’re partners, friends, lovers please don’t feel afraid to tell me what you’re feeling. I care about you.” Harrison was feeling like shit. You deserved so much and he wanted to give it to you. It wasn’t the end but he still couldn’t help but feel like it was because of his actions. He hoped that it wasn’t too late for his love. She should be gone and he hoped he will have the guts to say it to her face.

-

“A good night Tom? How was she?” Tom should have known that the frat is anything but asleep. Before it was everything to him. Coming back from a girl’s place or brining one back here was a boost to his ego when his frat mates would cheer for him hoping they will be just like him. Now it was annoying, especially when he had so much on his mind.

“She was great.” She really was. A bashful and timid girl that loved history like crazy. Tom found it cute, she was nervous and when he asked her about her interests she couldn’t stop rambling. It reminded him of you and your passion about books. Evelyn was someone who could bring him back to his feet. A girl that cared about feelings and not about physical things, a girl that finds joy in small places not packed ones and a girl that could love him endlessly no matter what or who he was once. Tom wasn’t sure if he was describing you or her, but you two were so similar that it made his heart ache from the thought.

“Just great? Man I thought the nerds were much more fun to be with.”

“Brad spare me the stupid comments of yours I’m dog-tired and you’re a prick.”

“Man no need to be that harsh, you will find a new one c’mon.” Brad clearly didn’t get the message, no one would because they still didn’t think that he was a whole new person. It will be tough for him to prove how he isn’t the same guy with the reputation that he was once proud of but a whole new person that cared about feelings.

-

“It better be worth it since I didn’t sleep this good in a while now Harrison.” It was a shock for Tom to see Harrison this early in his bedroom, he never came unless it was something urgent that couldn’t wait for them to meet up.

“It is. You know that I can only talk with you, we went through thick and thin.” It was the truth, they were inseparable and still are but Tom tried his best to distance himself a little bit only because he loves him and because Harrison deserves to be loved and treated well and he didn’t want to be an obstacle to his happiness.

“Troubles in paradise?” Tom joked, crossing his arms waiting for his best friend to speak.

“Yeah, something like that. I mean I’m the trouble no one else.” He could see the worry on Harrison’s face, Tom could read him like a book knowing that something was occupying his mind for a while now.

“Okay, you should start from the beginning yeah? Is it about Y/N?” Your name rolled off his tongue so smoothly, his heart skipping a beat after it. He wondered how you were doing, especially after he didn’t contact you a few days ago after his date, again.

“No. I mean yes? Somehow it is? But it’s about me mostly. I’m the problem here.” He ran his hands through his hair that was longer than usual, massaging the scalp during the process to calm his nerves.

“You? I never heard you were the problem in a relationship until now.” Tom laughed, not believing that the boy who was always too good with his partners is calling himself problematic. The girls were usually the owners of that title, screwing him over and over again because of his good will.

“That’s why I’m panicking. I’m not like that. Never was and I don’t want to be now. I need your advice I don’t want to mess up a relationship that I finally deserve.”

“Tell me what’s the issue.” Tom was getting impatient, it didn’t seem good, he didn’t want to give an advice on something that may hurt you.

“Emily. Fucking Emily is the issue.” Harrison’s gravelly voice filled the small space making Tom’s blood boil. He needed a moment to process his words.

“Emily? Tell me you’re fucking kidding with me here Harrison.” He was loud and clear, not happy with Harrison’s statement.

“No. Fuck, Tom I’m so lost. We sorted everything out on that damn party, we wanted to forget what happened between us, we wanted to say hello to each other someday like normal people we didn’t want to look at each other with pure hatred flashed across our faces. Nothing else.”

“So what went downhill after that? It was definitely more than just sorting things out Harrison am I right?” He wasn’t ready to snap and he definitely wasn’t ready to hear the rest.

“I really don’t know how everything happened. It was so fast, my mouth was way faster than my brain. She was all like let’s grab a coffee like friends strictly, I know you have a girlfriend don’t worry. Just friends yeah? So I agreed. We grabbed that shitty coffee and we talked and talked for a long time remembering old times and once again I don’t remember how I accepted the offer to see her again.” Harrison wanted this to stop, he wanted to enjoy the time with the girl of his dreams.

“Are you serious? What do you mean you will see her again? Do you even remember how she made a fool out of you? Do you want this to happen again? No, let me rephrase that, do you want her to ruin your fucking chance to live with a person who will care and love you endlessly no matter what? Tell me you won’t see her Haz.” Tom was seeing red not only because of you but because of his best mate, his brother. He knew how much damage she caused to Harrison, how he was the one to mend the pieces and how he was the one to push him into dating and trusting again. Tom didn’t saw this as a chance to get you, even if this happened when he was the old cocky Tom he could never. However he didn’t want you to believe in false love. Did Harrison love you? He sure did, Tom could definitely see that but he could also see the old feelings mixing with his current ones and he didn’t want you to be the second choice.

“She is trying to get under my skin. I don’t know what her intentions are but we’re texting I mean I didn’t answer her a few days now since I was thinking about it and how wrong it is but shit man I-I don’t know.”

“What do you have to know? Would you be fine if you knew Y/N was that close all of a sudden with her ex lover? Mate this isn’t you, are you being serious right now with me? You have the most wonderful girl in front of you and you’re here trying to get an advice or approval from me that going behind your girlfriend’s back is fine.” That’s what he was afraid of. Being a bit to truthful about you and his feelings. Saying things he shouldn’t say to your partner.

“You’re giving me a lesson about feelings and what’s right? Didn’t you fuck Helen when you were with Sierra? Man what the fuck is wrong with you, I love that maybe you finally realised how being a total douche is boring but I wouldn’t do that to Y/N but since when are you so into feelings and loyalty?” If Harrison wasn’t his close friend Tom wouldn’t even hesitate to break his nose at that moment. He was right about everything, every single word was true and that’s what got him mad.

“Since the second you mentioned Y/N, since then. Maybe you should watch your mouth and get your head straight about this situation I’m trying to show you what a great mistake you’re making here. I love her and I just don’t want her to know that her best friend gave an advice how it’s okay for you to have this thing with Emily going on.”

“What a great friend you are, so she knows you almost banged her best friend?” Harrison wasn’t like that, but Tom stroke a nerve of his making him extremely furious and incoherent. The only one who knew about that was Harrison, no one else. Harrison knew immediately who Anna was when they met and after meeting you he finally connected the dots.

“Don’t you even dare to fucking mention that shit to Y/N, I swear to God I love you like a brother but I won’t stay silent about Emily.” He stood up instantly, the blood rushing to Tom’s face as he looked into his eyes that were full of guilt.

“I won’t. Just don’t tell her about Em either. Look, we’re best friends ever since we were drooling and crawling as babies. I came here for an advice, I wanted to meet her but only to say to her that this should stop. I love Y/N not Em Tom. I didn’t do anything behind her back and I never would. I’m sorry that I lashed out I just have so much on my mind.” Harrison voice was shaky, his words seemed genuine and he hoped that Tom didn’t caught the small insecurity in his voice.

“I trust you but I don’t trust Emily. She always says something and you’re like a whole new person wrapped around her stupid finger. Don’t let her play you out again. I’m not a fan of you meeting her again but if you promise me she won’t be in your or Y/N’s life after it I w-won’t say anything.”

“I promise. Thank you bro.” The hug and palms patting each other’s back made Tom exhale slowly, hoping he won’t get you hurt once again. Everything else was a blur after it, Harrison leaving and saying something to him wasn’t what he was focused on. His thoughts were about you only. Tom was having an inner battle about telling you everything but he made a promise. He loved you both however the love towards you was stronger. He couldn’t help but think about you. Tom was a shitty friend, giving Harrison the talk about how wrong is it to be with someone while thinking about another person. And here he was, going out with Evelyn with you wrapped around his heart.

-

Tag List

@averyfosterthoughts @timey-wimey-lovi @thurstyforholland @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming @rachaeldonnaspiteri1 @peterparker-rickybowen-mybabies @sweetestscape @quacksonhq @stuckyyrogers @kaylinfayezink @tomhollandthing @stardustom @hannahholland1811 @harrysleftchelseaboot @magicwithaknife @quaksonhehe @fanficscuziranout @runway-to-my-aid @definitely-not-black-cat @got-to-get-away @littlebookbengal @primadonnasdream @readheadwriter @ifntelyinspirit @juliebean247 @hes-amarillo @danicarosaline @lukesbabylon @lulueliott24 @tomshufflepuff @sandtopearl @peteysbaby @lukeysgiggle @supernaturalwriter24 @synonymforlame @goodnight-n-dayglow @theoretical-theo @melrosaeparker @wheelertozier @wholeheartedlymendes @crystalizedcrows @youaremyfiveever @lost-in-the-stars03 @xoxohollands @hazardosterfield @soberbecks @in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh @abcdefanfics @thegirlwiththediary @call-me-baby-gir1

[craftypeaceturtle]

A is for Arrival...?

Summary: Remus and Janus are shopping ready for the new arrival for their family.

Note: The start of an AU and series because I’m just a sucker for any type of familiar sides. Romantic Demus and Royality.

Next Part: B is for Baby Time

.

“Hey Jay?” Remus suddenly stopped; his eyes enormous. 

“Yes, dear?” Janus put on a dramatic Victorian tone, his spine straightening with his hand frozen poised with the packet of washing up sponges. 

“Do we need to get birthday stuff?” Janus immediately scrunched his face, “No wait! Listen. You celebrate your kid’s birthday every year so surely you celebrate his first ever one ever. Right?”

Janus stared into the distance as he dropped the sponges on the floor, “Call your brother.”

“No,” Remus whined but still pulled up his phone and promptly shoved it into Janus’ chest, “He’ll only make fun of me if I ask it. If you ask it, then maybe he’ll presume he’s the stupid!”

“Did he celebrate Logan’s first ever ever birthday? What would you even call it? First day of existence?” Janus frowned as he speed dialled the number. 

“If he did, he didn’t invite me!” Remus shrugged before picking up the sponges. He immediately crowded into Janus and smooshed himself into his shoulder. 

They picked up on the second ring, Patton’s sigh answering. Something that they probably weren’t supposed to hear. “Hello Roman. We just have a quick question,” Janus chirped. 

“Hey Janus. It’s Patton by the way. Wow, another question, huh?” Patton, meanwhile, gave Roman a stern look and thrusted the phone at him again. Roman pulled a face as he shrugged and ducked back down behind the sofa. Frowning, he put it on speaker so they could both suffer, “What did you want to ask?”

“Should we celebrate our baby’s first ever day? Like a birthday but for their very very first birthday?” 

“What!” Roman shrieked before leaping back on to the sofa; ever so suddenly finding the strength to talk. 

“What do you mean ‘what’! God, he’s such a douche,” Remus muttered.

“I’m a douche, oh am I? Why would you celebrate a baby’s first ever day. It’s their first ever day in this world! They get overwhelmed and scared so easily. It’s a big scary world out there and you’re going to shove a party in their face! The baby is barely old enough to move it’s own hands! It’s a baby!” Roman complained while Patton giggled.

“To treat this seriously for a second, when you finally get your baby, the very last thing you want to do is mess around too much. After all this time, all that waiting, you finally get this tiny fragile baby. A tiny itty bitty baby. All you’ll want to do is just sit there and watch them quietly. A party is the last thing you’ll think to do. Heh, me and Roman even forgot to eat that day and only remembered hours later,” Patton spoke softly with his own memories uplifting his annoyance. Roman smiled and knocked their shoulders together. 

“...So is it worth buying like finger food in case we forget to eat?” Remus interrupted.

“Uh... yeah? I mean, yeah that would work,” Roman fumbled.

“Okay. Cheers. Bye!” Remus called out while Janus rolled his eyes, “Wow. We really need to get them something for putting up with all this.”

“Well I’m going to keep talking to them, you weirdo.” Janus ran his hand through Remus’ crazed curls but he was quickly shrugged off as Remus went to evaluate which bleach was best for their toilet, “How are you two?”

“Yeah, all’s good here! Just your typical day, what are you doing?” Patton chirped.

“Baby shopping mixed with some normal shopping. Extremely exciting, I’m sure you’re jealous,” Janus felt his voice go soft at just the mere mention of his coming baby.

“Aww! That’s so sweet,” Patton sighed, “I miss that so much about Logie. Baby clothes shopping is the only reason worth becoming a dad.”

“Oh Pat! Such slander, I’m impressed,” Janus laughed.

“Oh hush! Everyone knows that baby clothes are the best cutest things in existence. Aw, are you going to buy Halloween clothes! Me and Roman saw some adorable skeleton onesies today and I came this close to buying it for the baby.”

“Yeah, I think at this point we’ve bought him more Halloween clothes than normal baby stuff. That’s the whole reason we still have to do some shopping. There were these pumpkin shoes and socks. Oh Pat! I swear if I wasn’t so macho and cool, I would’ve cried. Baby shoes are just so tiny!” Remus raised a brow at his squealing voice. But then he also knew exactly what Janus was talking about just from his tone alone. Those shoes were actually pretty cute. 

“They are right! Aw, do you know any more about the baby?”

“Well...” Janus drawled while Remus took a breath. They agreed that Janus was going to deal with this breaking news.

“We met up with the mother yesterday.”

“Oh! My! Oh! Oh, Jayjay! That’s amazing! How was she?” Remus quickly snatched the phone and flicked it to speaker. Janus raised a brow at him but he was only met with the most mischievous smirk back. He frowned but turned back to continue talking only now with Patton’s voice squeaking out across the aisle. 

“She looked exhausted. I felt so bad for her. Meeting up for a coffee looked like the very last thing she wanted to do,” Remus said. 

“Bless her,” Janus sighed, “She was lovely.”

“Aw, that’s good. We never really got to meet our surrogate, how come yours wanted to meet?”

“Well, she apparently had a bit of a health scare. All is good! Everything is all good! But she just wanted to sit down with us and actually go through everything that happened. So we sat and talked about the health of the baby. Again, all is good obviously. But... so... we may or may not have found out our baby’s gender,” Janus winced once the squeal erupted over the phone. Remus cackled at the amount of people who turned to look at them with dirty looks before he turned the speaker off again. Ah, yes wouldn’t be a trip to the shops if Remus couldn’t spread some mild chaos. 

“What’s their gender!” Patton screamed before launching up from the sofa. Roman was giggling as Patton jumped up and down and spun him around. 

“We’re having a boy!” Janus smiled. He would deny the glow in his chest for this rest of his life but he couldn’t help but grab Remus’ hand. Remus smiled, thankfully, and squeezed his hand with his own lovesick smile. Their baby boy.

“Oh a boy!” Patton squealed high enough for dogs. 

“Typical, not one girl in this entire family,” Roman chuckled. 

“Oh congrats guys! When’s the due date again?” Patton sighed.

“10th of December. I almost feel bad for the boy. He’s going to have to put up with the whole Christmas birthday combination.”

“I’m still upset that he wasn’t a Halloween baby,” Remus frowned. 

They chatted for a few more minutes before Janus finally hung up. They were still holding hands- they would look exactly like a couple from a lovey film if they actually dressed like normal people rather than Disney villains. All they needed to do now grab was some more normal baby outfits. A very simple easy task. Just look at some clothes and chose some cute functional clothes.

But every single time... every single time, they would find the most abnormal baby outfits possible. That and they always spent a good ten solid minutes of staring at the tiny shoes. They looked like build-a-bear shoes. They didn’t even look real. 

“I can’t wait until he arrives,” Remus mumbled as he picked up a hideous orange dinosaur patterned jumper set. Janus tried to hide the smile but he quickly placed his head on his shoulder as they stood there. 

“Neither can I. He can’t come soon enough. Just like how you can’t put back that gross set soon enough.”

“You don’t like it! I think it’s cute.” Remus tilted his head as if that made it cuter. 

“He’s so not going to be an orange baby.”

“You don’t know that! Does he even need a colour?”

“You’ve got green, I like yellow. He also needs a colour. While we can still have control over what he wears at least,” Janus stated like Remus was a toddler trying to argue that the sky was green. 

“So we both have our ugly colours. Then he also needs an ugly colour too! Orange is a disgusting colour!” Remus thrusted the jumper in his face. 

“Oh totally exactly, dear,” Janus rolled his eyes before he then felt the passion erupt from him, “Okay. Firstly, for your information, yellow is a beautiful colour thank you very much. You’re the one that chose the grossest colour of green to embrace. He can have purple,” Janus winced as he guided Remus’ hand back down to the shelf. 

“Purple?” 

“Yes. A beautiful colour. Not only does it screw over superfluous ridiculous gender roles, it also is close enough to match our dress senses,” Janus stated with a proud look. Remus opened his mouth but then snapping it shut with a respectful nod. Yep, that sounded like a plan.  

They eventually found some normal tiny eeny weeny pair of jeans and they used all of their collective strength to stay clear of all the Halloween clothes and bought some presentable jumpers. Janus was finally starting to get fed up with standing around in a shop before he realised that Remus’ eyes kept flicking to a shelf behind them. 

He never made any move to actually go look at whatever it was and he never mentioned it. Janus found every reason to keep looking at the same pairs of stripey socks to give him time but he still said nothing. It was so uncommon that Remus felt shy about suggesting something. What could be the harm? “What you looking at?” Janus asked while exaggeratedly turning around.

“Um... I just noticed...” Remus drawled off. It was just a discount shelf. It was stacked with just random broken items that clearly no one ever take any interest in. Remus shyly sulked up to it and pushed aside the chipped mugs and torn notebooks without any hesitation. He pulled up a baby blanket. 

It was the exact same incredibly soft material all baby stuff was made from. The stuff where your hand magnetised to its softness. It was a quilted baby blanket in a pastel lilac. It was cute but it wouldn’t be on a discounted shelf without reason. There was a large smudge of black marker on its corner. But as Remus held it up, Janus laughed. It wasn’t quilted. It was sewn to be a spider web pattern around the blanket. Clearly an old Halloween gimmick. 

He turned to ask if Remus was all ready to go then and was immediately punched in the stomach. Remus was all teary eyed and awkwardly looking anywhere but him. His fingers brushed through the blanket over and over again. 

“Oh Reem,” Janus cooed and tugged the blanket from his grasp but he didn’t let go.

“I don’t even know why I’m tearing up!” Remus pressed his arms against his face. Janus felt himself tearing up as well. Something about how Remus’ voice would go all wobbly and pitchy when he was on the edge of tears just always got to him, “Just... oh this is so fucking stupid.”

“Well you’ve got us both crying in a shop at 9 in the morning. I’d say it sounds pretty dumb,” Janus smiled.

“Just... he could be our little spider. Just like how I’m your octopus and you’re my snake,” Remus’ voice was practically crumbling away. Janus felt a disgusting childish tear slip down his face.

“Oh Reem.” Janus hugged him, only so he didn’t have to experience the embarrassment of people seeing his husband’s gross taste in blankets of course. 

“How much spider stuff have we bought him! Like that would be perfect. And this is purple and spider!” Remus felt a tear escape his control too but he just buried his nose in Janus’ hair. 

“Oh you are such a nightmare of a husband. I’m taking you back to the husband shop and refunding you,” Janus groaned, he broke away and snatched the blanket from his grasp and shoved it into their trolley. At least it was cheap. Plus they would probably end up staining it with gross new born baby vomit anyway. 

[twilightofthe]

What was your opinion of the Clovis arc? People I know either love it or hate it, no in between. I generally liked it but found it waayyy ooc.

Hey anon, thanks for the ask!!!!

AHSJFLSLALK OK SO UH. Wow. Clovis arc. Yiiiiiiikes ok so. I totally agree with you on the fandom divide and I also totally agree that everyone involved in it is rather OOC for my taste. That being said, that case of OOC is exactly why I personally do not like the arc that much at all.

(Please note that my following words are MY PERSONAL OPINIONS, and that anyone is free to disagree, in fact I welcome the discussion, and even if this is your favorite arc, please consider yourself welcome on my blog I hold nothing against those who might like it)

Part of me was gonna make a short and sweet point about how I don’t like that TCW has had both of its main female characters have unwanted kisses forced on them, and instead of teaching young girls watching to tell those kinds of people to fuck off and respect their bodies, we get: 1. Just let it happen, you both must kinda like each other anyway or 2. Stay still then sit back while your boyfriend beats him half to death

But actually turns out I wanted to spend all day writing an essay so now you get this. So far I’m gonna hit four points:

the show’s constant need for Vader foreshadowing sometimes tending to completely override Anakin’s current mindset and personality he should have at this point in the timeline as well as his preestablished characterization

the way TCW gave Anakin a giant dosage of toxic masculinity to try and please the pissy movie critics who didn’t like that he cried

the role of Padmé and how TCW tries to portray her as a “strong woman” by just having her constantly be irritated by and sometimes even look like she actively dislikes her husband while simultaneously have her act OOC so they can blame HER and her actions for Anakin’s reactions and anger and overall Fall

How I think this arc is not irredeemable and that with some fixes it could be done decently— decently, not well, because a lot of this arc’s problems are also due to preexisting writing choices throughout the show

(Ok whoops this turned into a half Clovis arc rant half entire TCW Anidala commentary)

So firstly I wanna start that yes, I am fully aware that TCW is meant to fill in the gaps between AOTC and ROTS and help explain why Anakin’s mindset in the final movie is what it is and justify his Fall. Of course we need to show some Vader foreshadowing throughout the series, and in some places it is executed very well, notably the Mortis arc, the Bad Batch arc, the Wrong Jedi arc, as well as others that I can’t cite off the top of my head currently because I might have a mild touch of heat exhaustion wooo I need to get off the beach.

But it also has some rather hamfisted Vader foreshadowing stuff too. Like, y’all know the fandom joke where it’s like “Anakin: *Accidentally Leaves The Toilet Seat Up*. The Background Music: *BLASTS the Imperial March*” but like, they actually really do that. Like the time where they have Anakin take out a terrorist about to blow up an entire ship full of people and then play the Imperial March afterwards and imply he’s a “cold-blooded killer” just to defend the moral purity of the two people who were gonna stand there and let the ship blow in the name of idealism.

I’m getting off topic but yeah, sometimes the show’s Vader foreshadowing makes sense, sometimes it’s pretty forced, and the Clovis arc DEFINITELY leans towards the forced side, and when they try to force more of Darth Vader into Anakin at a point where he shouldn’t quite be there yet, it screws with his entire character.

This is particularly shown in the majority of the show’s takes on Anakin’s relationship with Padmé. Namely, they tend to forget nearly the entirety of AOTC with the exception of the Tusken murder scene, then forget even more of ROTS up until the point where Anakin strangles her on Mustafar. Basically, they take the truth that it was Anakin’s unhealthy attachment to Padmé that sparked his Fall, but then they decide to run with it where almost every single interaction he has with her in the damn show is him being a toxic overbearing dick to her and her acting like she mildly tolerates him at most and definitely doesnt respect him as like, I guess a way of showing what happened on Mustafar is in character for them???? Ugh, I’ll explain further.

So with Anakin’s aggressive possessiveness towards her. We know Anakin has possession and attachment issues. We know he’s a clingy needy whiny anxious mess who’s constantly afraid of losing or driving away the few people he has pinned his entire happiness on. We know he leans unhealthily on Padmé to provide the majority of his emotional support. We know he’s convinced himself he can’t live without her. But never, NEVER is it seen in the movies where his possessiveness turns into outward aggression towards her or this douchey pushiness. Never does he treat her like his property, like she belongs to him.

Not until Mustafar.

Not until he’s raving, half out of his mind with the warring emotions over the atrocities he’s just committed, until he’s begging her to understand where he was coming from, begging her and the child to stay with him and justify his decision, until he sees Obi Wan and sees her backing away from him, leaving him, and he PANICS because oh no no no you can’t abandon me, I need you, doN’T YOU WALK AWAY FROM ME. And he lashes out and tries to force her to stay, punish her for leaving and doubting him, and he puts that hand around her throat.

And that is supposed to be when we know he’s crossed the line, when we’re supposed to be horrified, where we know he’s lost himself, because he has NEVER ACTED LIKE THAT BEFORE.

Now how does Anakin act before? In the movies? He’s deferential to Padmé in almost every other scene they’re in together.

In AOTC, yeah he stares at her a bit creepily from a distance, he says awkward things and does goofy stuff to impress her, but he does Not get in her face. The few times he does invade her space, she flat out tells him: stand back. Don’t look at me like that. Don’t say that. Don’t interrupt me. And Anakin always, always backs off, respects her wishes. He follows her lead and lets her call the shots both on Naboo when he’s supposed to be protecting her and when she organizes the Geonosis rescue and once they arrive where she flat out tells him “I’m a Senator, I’ll handle this, just back me up”, and he’s all but just “ok yes queen”.

But they aren’t married then. Fine, take ROTS. It’s a movie all about Anakin’s issues but even then, when he’s worried about Padmé dying, he tells her he’s worried and that he can’t lose her, but he still keeps a distance. He doesn’t constantly hover and loom over her. If anything, Padmé, both in ROTS and AOTC is always the one to approach Anakin and close the distance when there’s conflict. When Anakin is upset, he averts his eyes and distances himself, tries to draw in on himself and brood silently, and we’ve seen it in Palpatine sometimes (of course with bad motives but he still does), but Obi Wan and Padmé both especially needing to be the ones to come over, turn his face to them and be like “hey, look at me, I care about you, what’s wrong”. Padmé SAYS in ROTS when he’s feeling specifically conflicted about losing Padmé, “don’t shut me out” and has to come over to him because he’s retreated into a corner of the room to scowl angstily out the window. Anakin does NOT get overbearing and possessive of her or get in her face, not once in the films.

In the fucking show? The Clovis arc, while perhaps the worst offender, isn’t even close to being the first time Anakin has been overly pushy and aggressive with Padmé, or acting like she’s something he owns, From that time in the Senate Hostage ep where he’s bugging her about ditching work and all but acting like incels texting like “awww but babe my dick hurts :(”, from the FIRST Clovis disaster ep where he’s childishly trying to screw up Padmé’s mission, to the Clovis arc in season 6

And this is where they just roll right in with their “oh so Anakin’s an overbearing, entitled douche” bit with the interaction he has with Pads and he’s trying to talk her out of taking the Clovis assignment and he says something along the lines of “as your husband, I demand you don’t do this”.

Hwat. The Fuck.

What kind of caveman-esque, 1800’s-ass man of the house whom my wife must obediently serve kinda entitled-ass BULLSHIT?!?!?!?

Like, I’m sorry, I really am, but that is just completely out of left field and not like Anakin at all. I mean to the point that when he’s an evil Sith Lord trying to talk her into taking over the galaxy with him, EVEN THEN he does not include “Padmé you must join me because I’m your husband and you do as I say” sort of domineering assholerly.

Anakin does not push Padmé around. He does not TRY to assert authority over her or try and force her to do shit. Not only because she doesn’t put up with that kinda shit for a second, but because Anakin respects Padmé; he will treat her with respect. He always has, and sometimes like in this arc it really doesn’t feel like he does.

Now of course Padmé’s response to the “I own you” declaration is “fuck you, asshole, I do what I want” and doubling down on her decision, and then decides to go even harder on the mission if only to spite her douche husband (and we’ll get to Padmé’s characterization in a bit) which is a very different kind of Anidala conversation we see in the show as opposed to the movies (also discussed later).

Now, the reason for Anakin’s overbearing douchery ties directly into an overarching problem in TCW— honestly, one of the very few issues I have with this show, but the problem is that it touches nearly the entire thing —and that is they almost completely reworked Anakin’s personality to be more hyper-masculine alpha male.

This is a topic I’ve discussed on my blog before, but the gist is that in the movies, Anakin was not the typical male heroic protagonist and DEFINITELY not what people expected from Future Darth Vader The Masked Brutish Male Power Fantasy. He was awkward, he was shy, he was soft spoken, he was clumsy around the girl he liked, he was very openly romantic, he liked frolicking in fields and candlelit dinners and snuggling. Two of the most important people in his life were soft, feminine women and he openly loved them very dearly and very gently— and he deferred to them when he felt it was right, as I’ve mentioned before. He CRIED when he was upset and was messy and emotional. And fanboys hated this with a burning passion. They couldn’t project their power fantasy onto this!!!! The Anakin critics were a HUGE part of the mob who crucified the prequels to the point of chasing both Anakin actors practically out of the movie industry in general.

The Clone Wars writers were obviously petrified of this happening again. So their solution, as has always been Star Wars’s solution to hateful fans being upset about an innocent character, is to completely rework them, hide or retcon all the undesirable qualities, and act like everything was all fixed. Now don’t get me wrong, there are aspects of TCW Anakin that I adore. As I’ve also mentioned before, they got his humor, his cleverness, his eagerness to do the right thing, to help people, his relationship with Obi Wan and Ahsoka and his men, they got that all perfectly. But the rest??? TCW’s solution to the criticism of Movie!Anakin was to turn him into an agressive, dominant, violent shadow of everything “soft” he was in the movie

Now, he speaks loudly and more deeply. Now, he’s cocky and overconfident and while yes he was arrogant in the movies, now it’s dialed up to like an 11. He never cries, never even THINKS to show a negative emotion that’s not Manly Rage And Aggression(TM). And then there’s the way he is around the women in his life. No more awkwardness or shyness, now he makes jokes about being a “ladies man” and does whatever the fuck flirting he does with Miraj Scintel even though the Anakin from the movies would have needed like every scrap of his self control just to look at her without insta-murdering her face. And then there’s how he is with Ahsoka and Padmé. He is muuuuch more of a loud brash dudebro around them who pushes his weight and is kind of controlling and their solution is just to have the both of them be Strong Women(TM) who Fight Back whenever he tries it too hard with them.

With Ahsoka, it’s not too bad because it’s a brand new dynamic and she’s a rather agressive firecracker personality herself when we first meet her, so the constant Snips n’ Skyguy snipefest works for them. For Padmé? It just means that in far too many episodes they’re in there’s a point where Anakin says something Eh and Padmé gets mildly irritated to actually annoyed with him for it and she’ll talk down to him and then there’s an argument between them because he’s bullheaded and she’s a Strong Woman. Why do I consider these out of character?

In the movies, despite the flaws, Anidala is a couple who actually tries to communicate. Anakin feels open to speak about his troubles to Padmé and her to him (for the most part, she definitely has a savior complex and a tendency to squash her own shit so she can help deal with both Anakin’s and the galaxy’s at large) when they’re worried or concerned about something and they want to talk it out, so they’ll talk it out!

The problem with Anidala isn’t that they don’t communicate, it’s that they try but also only do it by halves because they hate fighting. They’ll talk, Anakin will say something that Padmé might disagree with— the fascism discussion in the Naboo field in AOTC, the question of whether the Republic is just or not in TPM —and she’ll try and correct him if she feels he’ll listen, but if he doubles down, she’ll go “ok you know what, agree to disagree, let’s not fight” and she subtly changes the subject because she hates fighting with him. If Pads says something Ani doesn’t like— telling Obi Wan about them in ROTS, some emotional advice she tries to give in both movies —he’ll flat out shut down and be like “I don’t want to talk about this, let’s drop it” and then seek out cuddles or affection as a distraction.

And that brings us back to the Clovis arc. The scene where the “as your husband” line occurs. Anakin is trying to talk Padmé out of doing this not because he’s jealous. Maybe he was jealous the first time he met Clovis and saw Padmé being all cute n’ fond with her old flame, but this time it seems almost entirely because last time ended in catastrophe and he’s genuinely worried for Padmé and feels she’s not thinking wisely, that she’s putting herself in danger.

However, Anakin is deciding to voice these concerns in Possessive Dudebro Pushing because of the aforementioned misguided Vader Foreshadowing and Toxic Masculinity. Padmé? Is not even CONSIDERING what he has to say, is just breezing on through and shutting him down at every turn and generally acting like he’s a dumbass who doesn’t have a clue about anything.

Now, it is very in character for Padmé Amidala to be all “I’m right, you’re wrong, fuck you don’t get in my way”. HOWEVER, they aren’t framing this as solely Padmé having a goal and bulldozing her way through the situation. That’s not how they frame this.

They frame this as: Padmé is embarrassed that she misjudged the situation wrong the last time and embarrassed even further that Anakin had to step in and get her out of trouble— which he brings up —and probably remembers that he made fun of her while he did it—

(Timing out to say that THAT scene was also OOC; they once more wanted a Vader parallel what with Anakin’s silhouette when he opens her cell door and the way Padmé’s sleeping pose is identical to Leia’s in ANH. But Anakin basically steps in and gives her this condescending-ass “awww the little wife’s gotten in over her head like I SAID she would, good thing I’m here to rescue her!” bit that’s really just MEAN. It’s not like him and Obi Wan’s/Ahsoka’s teasing snark whenever they have to pull each out of trouble, he’s just kicking her while she’s already down. Really, Anakin’s reaction should have been a lot less humorous and a lot more pissy; she didn’t listen to him, didn’t trust him, and ended up in danger because of it. It’d be a surly and upset “I told you so”, not an amused one.)

—and now it seems much more like Padmé is solely taking this assignment to spite Anakin for being a dick and to pettily prove that she knows what she’s doing rather than any sense or urge to do the right thing. And....... childish pettiness????? Is not Padmé. And yet, she has the entire immature “don’t tell me what to DO, Anakin” attitude this whole arc that amounts to WAY more than just the normal response she would have to his overcontrolling dickishness

And once again, it’s because she, like everyone else in the episode, seems to think the problem Anakin has is that he’s jealous of Clovis. He’s not, not really. He’s insecure, yes, but he also knows Clovis is a bag of dicks as well, and trusts that Padmé knows she’s better than that. His problem isn’t fears he’ll lose Padmé, it is entirely that Padmé isn’t listening to his concerns, doesn’t trust him, is going into a situation they both know is unwise, and he is frustrated he’s not in a position where he can look out for her since he feels she’s not looking out for herself. And, he’s not entirely wrong. Padmé IS being reckless and kind of irrational solely to prove a point. He just goes about it pretty much entirely the wrong way, which is what you can really say is the cause and effect formula for any problem Anakin Skywalker encounters and subsequently makes worse.

And then there’s That Scene. The one where Clovis tries to force a kiss on Padmé and Anakin freaks and almost kills him for it. I’ll start off by quoting another Tumblr user on that very scene by saying in regards to Clovis: “that bitch deserved that”. The almost murder? Maybe not that far, but the initial hitting for disrespecting someone’s “no”? Yep, that was deserved.

My first criticism is that Anakin shouldn’t have even had time to attack him because why the fuck wasn’t Padmé instantly kneeing him in the balls?!?! Like Padmé is not prone to violence immediately, no, but she can will and does defend herself immediately when she needs to— her right punch knocked someone tf out once when she was pissed —and she already gave him a warning that his advances were not welcomed.

Now, I am absolutely not victim blaming. I am NOT saying it is the fault of a woman (I’d be a hypocrite if I did and that’s all I’ll say on THAT), or of anyone when faced with sexual harassment, if they don’t fight back for whatever reason, no matter how capable of doing so they may be. What I’m saying is that considering her previous behavior and personality and the fact that the show NEVER goes deep enough into explaining heavy stuff like why victims might freeze or NOT fight back when faced with harassment, I feel like showing her not attempting to defend herself at all is kinda strange.

Now, Padmé’s utter passiveness to the situation aside, we’re going back into toxic masculinity and misunderstood interpretations of how Anakin displays possession. While I’ll repeat that Clovis deserved consequences for the forced kiss, Anakin going full caveman defending his property jealous rage just. Doesn’t feel right to me. Again, I think Anakin would probs hit him and put the fear of living god into him, maybe even I’d buy the attempted murder if they framed it as Anakin doing it because he hates those who force their will on others and disrespect women, but the whole that’s MY wife and you’re touching her shite just once more feels alpha male aggressive ridiculousness. Like again, I understand Anakin is possessive of Padmé, but not like this. I’m sorry, but I just cannot see that, him fighting over her like she’s a scrap of meat.

Like, I completely think she’s in the right tho to put them on a break after he does it though. That’s well within her right.

But then onto the FINAL part where after Clovis goofs and fucks them all over and then dies, she forgives him and blames herself for everything and apologizes. And like, that part I do see as in canon and character for her and for Anakin. He doesn’t like to admit his mistakes, her mistakes weigh on her and when she fails to fix or save someone, she falls into depression and upset and self-blame.

But the fact that Clovis died because Anakin dropped him? Anakin Skywalker, who scaled an entire elevator shaft carrying two people over his back who combined probs weighed more than Padmé and Clovis. Anakin Skywalker, who’s used the Force to lift tons of debris, who’s used it to hold back explosions, Anakin Skywalker, MOST POWERFUL FORCE USER IN HISTORY WHO TENDS TO RELY ON BRUTE STRENGTH FOR MOST SHIT ANYWAY. That Anakin couldn’t pull two people over a ledge?!?!?!?!? This has always bothered me.

Like to be honest; I feel this entire episode could have been so fixable too. Like keep Anakin’s obsessive worry over Padmé making a mistake, keep the best part of the arc which is his talk with Obi Wan where Obi Wan tries to connect with him and explain that he’s not alone, all Jedi have emotional struggles and have loved, if perhaps he wants to TALK to someone about it, Obi Wan is here for him, like that? That’s okay!

Just ugh ffs, get rid of the nasty Anakin treating Padmé like a naughty dog who won’t obey him and the Padmé purposely acting unwisely to spite Anakin plot. Have the entire conflict be both of them being upset that the other doesn’t trust them, doesn’t believe in their advice, keep Padmé’s speech about how marriages NEED trust and compromise to survive, take all of Anakin’s aggression towards Padmé and transfer it to aggression towards Clovis, like make the conflict him menacing the guy if he hurts Padmé again just because he’s being overprotective and “if you won’t look out for yourself I will” and Anakin getting constantly checked for not being able to control his emotions, Padmé can tell him off for being overprotective instead of overaggressive and his possessiveness can instead show through him arguing that he needs to keep her safe at all costs. THAT can be the argument.

And if they want the Vader foreshadowing? Like real, in-character Vader foreshadowing??? Tbh, drop the Clovis beatdown, drop the machoness towards Padmé, and just have Anakin blatantly DROP the douchebag at the end of the episode instead of his hand slipping. Make him choose to ACTIVELY kill Clovis. Like THAT, Anakin taking the law into his own hands and deciding that he knows best and this guy is dangerous and has fucked up one too many times, there being an opportunity where there’s an chance to save Clovis when they’re alone without Pads, “be a Jedi, Padmé wouldn’t want this, do the right thing” Clovis might say, and we can see Anakin’s face considering, and then he just “Long Live The King”s him and lets him fall and die, THAT is an in-character Vader foreshadowing.

Then at the end of the episode, we can have Anakin lie to her, say Clovis slipped, say it was too late, and Padmé can believe him, thank him for trying. Then there’s the same thing where Padmé apologizes, and we can have a callback to the convo about trust and she adds that she’s sorry that she didn’t trust him, and when she says that, we zoom in on Anakin’s guilty face.

There. That’s how I’d fix these episodes

And THERE, I think I’ve complained about everything, I am SO sorry for the gigantic ass post and response, I’ll add a read more once I’m on my laptop and not on the beach on mobile.

But yeah anon, I hope that satisfies your question xD

Once again, I welcome discussion if y’all either agree with me or if you have any differing opinions, I know my takes are far from hot for several people and I’m curious to see what others think!

[cloveroctobers]

SEBASTIAN “SEB” KATSAROS —

IG bio/info: @/s3bgl00m | 17.4k followers | i hate it here. i hate my username name too. Listen to my podcast wth my mate here...open.Spotify.com/podcast/?!.doomngloom

28 years of age

Born & raised in Liverpool, England...don’t ask if he’s met the Beatles he will completely ignore you if you do

Music shop owner in the heart of town

It’s called, “Kicking Kettles”

loves collecting vinyls, cassette tapes, & cds sorry, what did you expect?

His mother is a children’s illustrator

She’s Ashkenazi Jewish

His father is a graphic designer

And is from Nafplio, Greece

They’ve been separated for about a year now, with seb’s father living in France

His mother was skeptical on dating around while she was in a place of uncertainty in her marriage but with a deep discussion with her husband, then her children, she slowly went forward just to see what was out there & found that she wasn’t sure if she’d be open permanently with other beings

Seb was similar to his mother in many ways...

Has a older sister by 2 years named, Xenia...she’s very bossy, a busy-body, & is very vocal. The opposite of seb

she used to beat up guys just for them to turn around and ask her out on dates, a few of them tried to bully seb but Xenia was not having that ofc

very close to his family, even if things are a little off between mum & dad

I feel like he went through a buzzed hair phase & when he finally made the choice to start growing out his hair, going on 4-5 years now, everyone seemed to approve

Even if they didn’t? It be no matter, sure he’d feel a little awkward if someone he cared about didn’t like it but he was sure they would get over it OR get used to it

The hair only comes out when he’s showering or going to bed

His best friend who’s a barber (and a bit of a douche) tells him he’s got to let his hair breathe more often or he’ll have breakage, seb doesn’t think it’s that serious? He’s not sure how much longer he’ll keep the bun now anyways...

This same friend encouraged him to get a “Pompadour” haircut & seb’s never been so offended before in his life, “I wouldn’t want to look like the rest of you knob-heads.”

Anyways, he takes care of his hair the best way he knows how and it seems to work for him...some slightly expensive haircare products here and there & a trimmer & he’s good to go

When he first started growing his hair out, he felt like he needed to go to the salon to know how to manage it. After awhile he learned how to do it on his own + you save $ that way

uses his hands to talk or holds one hand in the other when having a conversation since he doesn’t know what to do with his hands exactly

He’s a chapstick kinda guy who always loses his before he can finish it (been there)

Absolutely loves Japanese food and eats it almost everyday

Japanese Mayo is the superior condiment, bill can stfu!!

probably watches anime

owns a bunch of vans, beanies, and hoodies

smokes hookah every now & then but isn’t too crazy about it

canon: catlover! I feel like he would have a Sphynx, Abyssinian, Ocicat, or oriental shorthair + was over the moon when his baby had babies !!!

He wanted to keep all 5 of the kittens but knew he probably couldn’t, at least not forever but he was going to wait until they were all at least a few months before he decided to put them up for adoption...which sucks but would ultimately be the best choice, maybe???

tried eyeliner again outside of the villa & finds pencil or pomade is better than the standard liquid liner

likes black nail polish but is slightly embarrassed to be seen out with it, it’s the same thing with the eyeliner...he’s not that confident

the guy is a huge blusher & he despises the fact that his face betrays him 80% of the time

often gets nosebleeds

loves red wine especially if it’s on a rainy day and he’s home to fully enjoy it, he feels like he’s on his grown man shit when he does so

I feel like he’d be a fan of the umbrella academy & thinks it’s way better than stranger things...him & nick have argued over this on doom n gloom!

Five is his favorite

Everything he owns is in either black, red, gray/grey, or green

His main phobia is emetophobia (fear of v*mit) & he won’t share why, that’s just what it is

Introvert!

Canon: he’s not a Aquarius

So wtf r ya? Nick & I would like to know plz

Virgo sun? + Taurus moon? + Pisces rising?

I feel like he’s one of those people that feels the need to bring a backpack with him everywhere and you can imagine it to be black ofc

“Who tf are you Linus? But with a backpack?” His sister often jokes (I do this with my sibs, both of them love carrying backpacks. Me on the other hand? I don’t have time for the shit)

He drives a shitty car from the 90s that’s Engine sounds as if it’s about to blow

but 100% perfers to drive his moped, Atticus around

played football (soccer) growing up to help get rid of his asthma

Cannot sleep with the tv on or any form of light around him, it has to be completely dark & quiet!

He’ll only do so if it’s with Genevieve since you know they’re trying this whole long distance thing out

Are one of those couples that will fall asleep on the phone/cpu together

Genevieve might be the, “no you hang up first” & seb will actually hang up the phone and get into bed lmao

Just for vieve to call back like?!! “I can’t believe you’ve done this!

“Well you said—

“Never mind what I said, sebz!!! It’s extremely rude...”

his last relationship before Genevieve lasted 6-8 months (there was a time when he felt like he was unsure if he was still in a couple with that person, isn’t that a shame?)

his love language is acts of service, he’ll do things for you to ease your worries out of love and not obligation so that you feel valued as his partner & I believe he wants this in return as well

I think he’s a bit of a worry wart too when it comes to certain things even if his exterior might show him trying to hide it

He was super nervous to get his first tattoo on his chest, “if words fail, music speaks” but he found that the slight pain was worth it? And quite nice! then he kept going back monthly and soon enough his arms were completely covered

mum hated it, her baby boy was becoming a man! (It’s not like he’s almost 30 but you know how moms are)

Deff has a collection of silver rings, he’s tried out necklaces but he thinks he looks better with his rings

The slit in his brow came from trying to squeeze thru the broken patio glass door with his sis as if it were some booby trap (not exactly, but a safety hazard forsure!) & a piece of glass fell from above slicing his brow and left him with 4 stitches

Secretly into watching those dating shows before and after experiencing it himself

people he enjoyed seeing on the Telly from previous seasons: jen, jake, talia, erikah, lottie, Noah, Carl, Kassam, Priya, & Hannah

AJ is his best girl friend (besides vieve) they FaceTime quite a bit & chat shit to each other on the daily

Feels like she fits in well with his friend group, which just contains his barber friend — they put up with his banter & give it right back to him but he can also be vulnerable & comfortable with those around him so that’s always a plus

It’s the same with nick, except they share a hobby together, their podcast & that’s what seb wants to keep it as, a hobby, for fun & giggles yet nick is thinking about getting paid for what they do. He thinks it’s a great idea whereas seb doesn’t want this to turn into a career/chore

He’s perfectly happy at kicking kettles

He feels strongly about his stance while nick is on both sides

They’ll figure it out, soon.

How are things outside of the villa & since the boat party? They all have a group chat that they randomly speak up in, in the beginning they would do morning and goodnight texts but that became tedious so they settled for either or. Or simply just checking in to see how each other’s days went with seb secretly being the most curious to everyone’s days

Things are awkward between him and Yasmin, he kinda avoids talking to her tbh & not because he doesn’t want to...its just yeah it’s not the same with him and aj where they can easily move forward, it feels like pulling teeth with Yasmin since they’re some what similar & it seems like she’s waiting on him to take the lead on fixing some imagined issue they have with each other? It’s weird idk

Lives in a cramped studio apartment, it works for him so he doesn’t need any inputs thank you

celeb crushes? Demi lovato, Hwasa, Amanda Seyfried, & Birgundi Angel Baker

as for music? Sleeping with sirens, pierce the veil, teagan & Sara, the pierces, panic!at the disco, all time low, twenty one pilots, x-ambassadors, awolnation, jon bellion— listen when atl dropped? Seb felt like he was reborn okay?! , Japanese breakfast, & great grandpa

Anthem = The Postal Service, “Such great heights”

[lambourngb]

"Explain the tearaway pants again?"

“you can stay afraid ( or slit the throat of fear and be brave)” - title from Gang of Youths, and that’s all @haloud ‘s fault.

“Explain the tearaway pants again?” Alex asked, picking up the soft, shiny fabric from the box with an incredulous look to Kyle. Of all things he would have predicted as a birthday gift from Kyle, tearaway stripper pants was on the last page of the book, right before a father-son vacation voucher. 

Which he had also received, as a birthday gift from Eric, his latest and most recent now ex-boyfriend. His heart was in the right place, since Alex did say he was estranged from his dad, and well-meaning but ignorant Eric, who called his parents daily, thought a trip to baseball parks would help.

It was hard to explain to anyone he dated that when he said he wasn’t close with Jesse Manes, that it wasn’t just parental tension over his sexuality that could be eased with more talking. How do you say to someone that your dad didn’t just hate his sexuality but had attacked and maimed a teenager over it. That even drugged up with Alex waving a white flag of surrender, even faked as it was, his father had shut down any mention or acknowledgment of who Alex was. 

It was just easier to say that he and his dad did not see eye-to-eye and that it was unlikely to change. Alex had that weird thought that people, even alien shaped people, should be treated with dignity and not eradicated from the earth. There was no common ground to be found over genocide.

“I thought on the weekends, when you were wearing the prosthesis, you might find some use in easy to remove pants if you had your boyfriend over.” Kyle smiled, and moved to show him the tearaway seams that were cleverly hidden. “You told me that sometimes the mood fizzled because of getting undressed-”

“Ah,” Alex acknowledged, looking down at the box again. Another small white lie was coming back to bite him. It was true, getting undressed with someone new, was an ordeal. Forrest had handled it the best, outside of Michael, knowing just when to offer help and just when to back the hell off, but ultimately the secrets and running off because of a text about alien nonsense wore thin with him. After Forrest, he gave up on trying for a deeper relationship considering the number of secrets he guarded and went back to using a dating app which resulted in a few less-than-desirable responses to his leg.

Blaming the fizzle, on his awkward way of undressing, to Kyle was easier than mentioning that some guys lost their interest when the theoretical knowledge of his amputation became factual.

“You hate them.” Kyle reached for the box, which Alex tightened his grip on stubbornly.

“No, these are great and thoughtful, thank you. I was just thinking about the fact, I ah, Eric and I broke up today.”

“What?! Seriously?” Kyle glanced around Alex’s house with a clenched fist, as if he was waiting to see Eric appear, so he could fight him. “That dick broke up with you on your birthday? I never liked that douche.”

Alex smiled weakly, “You thought Eric was great, don’t lie.”

“I thought he was great because he didn’t act weird about your friendship with Guerin, and he’s one of the best scrub nurses in the OR but if he broke up with you on your birthday-”

“Okay well no need for workplace awkwardness, I broke up with him. In fact, you should probably take his side.” Alex gathered the wrapping paper to ball it up, and stood up to head into his kitchen, with Kyle following on his heels. He lifted the trash can lid, picking up the trip voucher on top to hand over to Kyle before disposing of the colored paper. “It’s not his fault, he is just probably too idealistic about the world for my taste.”

“Jesus, a father-son bonding trip? Yeah, no.” Kyle shook his head, before leaning against the countertop and studying Alex intently. “I don’t blame you for dumping him, I mean, you told him about how your dad treated you right?”

Once upon a time, to keep Kyle from demonizing Jim Valenti, the only man who was ever kind to Alex, he had revealed the extent of the abuse he suffered growing up. He never imagined that Kyle would end up being a part of his daily orbit, so it was at the time, a safe admission. The only reason he had any sort of comfort around Kyle now was he knew that Kyle had his own reasons for hating Jesse Manes. The support he received wasn’t pity, it was shared pain. Kyle understood, and of course Michael understood, but the rest of the world? He couldn’t trust it.

There were days when he wished he had been able to conceal the truth from Maria as a kid.

“My dad is a level of evil that approaches comic-book villain. It’s hard to come up with the vocabulary to explain it. It’s definitely not first date ground to cover.” 

“You could just say what you said to me, that he was an abusive, homophobic dick.”

“I tried that actually, with Matt, but his dad is Army, so he thought I was just talking about typical macho man bullshit. His dad called him a fairy and won’t pick up the phone when he called his mom, but he’d never tried to kill him for being gay.” Alex rubbed at his forehead, and shrugged dismissively, “even if I could explain it, there’s still alien bullshit to worry about. Forrest couldn’t deal with my secrets, so…”

“Now that, my friend, we can commiserate over. Even if Stef understood my friendship with Liz, she was less supportive of running out on her to answer Isobel Evans' every little call. As Rosa calls it, those bitch ass aliens, strike again.” Kyle picked up his half-empty beer from the counter to clink against Alex’s in solidarity.

Later, after Kyle was gone, Alex wandered out to his patio to light a fire. Despite the voucher from the now ex Eric and the funny gift from Kyle, his birthday had gone well. Maria had treated him to an amp for his sound setup, an expensive gift had it been new, but this one was reconditioned by Guerin. Liz and Max had treated him to lunch at the Crashdown with a four show pass at the local concert hall. Rosa had baked a gourmet cake, and even Isobel had dropped off a bottle of expensive scotch. 

Though it hadn’t worked out, Forrest had texted a nice birthday message along with an invitation to join a group of his friends for an antique market trip to Santa Fe. 

Alex tipped his head back in his chair, listening to the crackle of the firewood settling in the pit and finally allowed himself to think about Michael, or more specifically the absence of Michael today. It was pressing on a bruise, to consider the gift from Maria might actually have been a joint gift. He didn’t think they had gotten back together again, but he wasn’t sure.

The gap in knowledge about Maria warred with the feeling that maybe Michael had forgotten, and it ached. He wasn’t sure which hurt more. 

His phone vibrated against his leg. Alex placed his beer on the ground next to his chair and opened the notification. It was his security system letting him know that someone had pulled up to the front of the house. His heart thumped painfully but hopefully as he recognized Michael’s truck.

Sitting with his back to the gate made him itch in anticipation but not fear as he heard the crunch of Michael’s boots against the gravel. “You’re late.”

“Yeah, sorry. Um, happy birthday” Michael replied as he closed the distance in the dark to Alex’s chair. He threw himself into the chair gracelessly, before picking up his phone to check the time, “I’m not too late am I? This says it’s after midnight.”

Shivering a little, even though it was warm, Alex took a sip of his beer. “You’re never too late, Michael.”

The words settled between them, weighty and revealing. Alex immediately wanted to take them back. That was too truthful. Perhaps he was getting maudlin because of his birthday, but having Michael, someone who knew him inside and out, after a day of feeling just out of step with everyone else, was a balm on his heart.

Michael placed his hat next to them on the patio, glancing back toward the house with a sympathetic glance. “I figured. And um, I heard from Valenti about Eric, so, I thought you might not turn me away if I showed up.”

“Is that why you’re here?” Alex took another long swallow, staring into the flames, as the previous comfort of Michael’s presence faded. Not a pity visit. He couldn’t take that. Not daring to look at Michael because seeing his profile lit up by the firelight always did things to Alex’s heart, he finished his beer. Things he was still working on letting go of for his own good. “I’m fine, it wasn’t serious with Eric.”

“I’m glad you’re fine, but that’s not why I’m here.” 

There was a rustle of paper that caught Alex’s attention, and as he finally turned to face Michael, he froze. There was a folder in Michael’s hand. He couldn’t help but remember the recent past, where the cover of a folder barely covered the horrors of within. It was always gruesome intake forms or grisly after action reports that gleefully detailed the murder of civilians and the incarceration of aliens.

Michael shook the folder gently, “go on, it’s not gonna bite.”

Pressing his lips together in resignation, Alex reached for the folder. As rocky as things had been in the past, he was certain Michael wouldn’t try to hurt him on his birthday. It wasn’t his fault that Alex was a pessimist. Flipping open the manila cover, he paused again. His eyes roved down a list of names and numbers, along with a familiar family name.

“That’s my grandmother’s name,” Alex furrowed his brow in confusion looking over to Michael, as he leaned forward in happy anticipation.

“So last year, remember how I went to Texas with Max,” Michael began, and paused at the pained expression on Alex’s face. Right, it was unlikely that the beginning of Maria’s feelings had been forgotten. “Dumb question, okay well, we met an old woman from the Mescalero Res and her granddaughter. They were practicing some fake faith healing con game, which kinda pissed me off, until I realized the props they used were drawn from a visitor they had.”

“A visitor?”

“Yeah, they used lights to make their hand glow when they healed. She described a woman who lived there, and never spoke but had that ability. I drove there last month to ask her more about it. It turns out this woman was introduced to the tribe by your grandmother.” Michael smiled broadly, his fingers tapping with impatient energy. “So I went to the Diné people to ask about her. I know she’s passed on, but she left stories. An oral history. Err, they didn’t want to talk to me, being a white guy, but after I fixed just about every car on the Res-”

“That’s where you’ve been every weekend?”

Michael looked pleased, “You noticed?”

Caught out by just how aware he was of Michael’s movements, Alex gestured, “That’s not important, um keep going with your story.”

Still looking pleased, Michael picked up his tale, “So after I fixed every piece of shit car, every finicky generator, and promised that I would only repeat this to another member of the People, they told me what happened. Your grandmother and great-grandmother ran a sort of underground network for women in trouble. One night, in 1947, a group of ...visitors found her and her mom on the side of the road. They were waiting for supplies, from a sympathetic doctor.”

“Wait,” Alex stuttered, looking down at the list of names and numbers. “Are you saying-”

“They saved ten crash survivors that night, and scattered them to other tribes for safety.” Michael reached over to tap the paper, “I have no idea where they went, that’s still a secret to me, but… some of my people lived, free. Because of your family.”

Overwhelmed, Alex squeezed his eyes shut tightly. It was no use, he could feel the tears spilling out rebelliously down his cheeks, as he sucked in an unsteady breath. The weight of his name, of the evil done by his father, was still there, but now there was a counter-balance. Harshly Alex gasped for another breath, shuddering as a sob broke through his control.

“Sweetheart, oh god, I didn’t mean to make you cry-” Michael murmured, distraught as he shifted closer, placing a tentative hand on Alex’s shoulder. The simple touch unleashed what shaky hold on control Alex had, as he collapsed into Michael’s arms. Without hesitation, Michael pulled Alex into his embrace, letting him shake in the safe confines of his strength.

The poison that Alex had felt, writhing under his skin, from as long as he could remember was slowly being lanced and drained. It didn’t matter that Michael had never blamed Alex for his family, no words could touch that reservoir of toxin inside him that marked him a Manes Man. Only actions could. 

On the day celebrating his birth, Alex could finally feel peace regarding the blood in his veins.

“I’m sorry, I should have let you know I was looking into your family after Arizona’s grandmother mentioned it. I was going to, if my campaign of fixin’ shit didn’t work, ‘cause you’re a member, they would have talked to you, I just wanted to give you some good info. But if I crossed the line, I’m sorry-”

Alex silenced Michael’s apologies with his lips.

His action halted Michael for a moment, before he groaned against Alex’s lips and deepened the kiss hungrily. His hands came up to cup Alex’s skull gently even as he increased his efforts of climbing into Alex’s skin through the sheer connection of the kiss. Long moments passed as Alex bit gently before diving into the silky heat of Michael’s mouth.

The need for oxygen won at last over his other instincts and reluctantly Alex broke the kiss. He kept his forehead pressed against Michael’s as they traded deep breaths in the silence. Closing his eyes, Alex spoke quietly, “If *I* crossed a line just then-”

“You didn’t, as long as you’re not sorry.”

Looking up at Michael’s dark, still slightly stunned eyes, Alex smiled weakly, “I’m not, but I admit, I didn’t see this happening. With you. I thought you didn’t want to go down this road again.”

Michael reached up, combing his fingers through Alex’s soft, growing dark locks gently. “I don’t want to go down the *same* road, but I was hopin’ we might find a different path. And full disclosure, we’re kinda ahead of my plans. I didn’t think you were gonna dump Eric today-”

Huffing a soft laugh, Alex replied wryly, “I wasn’t planning on it, but he thought my dad and I could patch things up by going to Wrigley Field together. He bought me a Field of Dreams-themed trip for me and dear old dad.”

“What. The. Fuck.” Michael blinked a few times, clearly running the words through his mind for meaning. “For one thing, you don’t even like baseball, and for another, your dad is a homophobic murdering psychopath.”

Alex burst out laughing at the offense in Michael’s voice. Pieces slotted into place, knowing that Michael understood not just on a theoretical level, but a deeply personal level just how fucked that suggestion was about Jesse. “God, you’re right, I hate baseball.”

He captured Michael’s hand, still stroking through his hair, and pressed a soft kiss on his rough calloused palm. Hands that had spent weeks working tirelessly for free just to get Alex some answers and peace about where he came from and who he was. A fresh burn of tears threatened as he thought about the effort Michael had expended.

“More tears?” Michael remarked softly, feeling the wet brush of Alex’s eyelashes against his hand. 

“Happy tears.” Alex straightened and got to his feet, holding onto Michael’s hand. He cast a considering eye on the fire, deciding it had burned down low enough to install the fire pit cover. Rubbing his thumb against the silky seam of his pants, he tugged Michael toward the house, “So Kyle got me these pants for my birthday, and they were the second best present I had today.” His smile turned wicked as he led the way toward the bedroom with confidence, “I would really like to show you how they work, if you’re interested...”

[supermantv]

it’s fearless

a/n: i’m absolutely in love with these two losers. 

Devi is, for lack of a better way to phrase it, an utter mess.

She is a train constantly on the verge of running off the tracks.

An absolutely devastating hurricane on legs. 

The best thing to do, in Paxton's mind, is to put as much distance between himself and the impending disaster that is Devi Vishwakumar. It would be wise of him to avoid getting caught up in her violent wind and torrential downpour. 

And yet somehow, this is not how things work out, because if he is honest, he's increasingly curious and reckless, so badly craving the experience of getting swept away in her unrelenting and unforgiving storm. 

That's why he calls her. She doesn't pick up, and he hasn't put any thought into what he is going to say when his call is forwarded to her voicemail. He fumbles around his words like a fool, leaving her a message and hoping his desperation for her attention and company isn't present in his voice. 

Devi doesn't call him back that day. Which is understandable, when one takes into consideration the way he coldly blew her off not too long ago, added on to the fact that she's undeniably got a lot on her plate, other things more worthy of her time right now. But still, Paxton grasps clumsily at the hope that she will still want to see him, be with him. And so he waits, restless and nervous, uncertain and wondering if he is expecting too much. He can't focus on anything else, constantly glancing at his phone every minute, as if his intense stare will magically make the screen come to life with an incoming call from her. Unsurprisingly, it doesn't work.

That night, he goes to bed anxious, worrying that he has gone too far and fucked things up between them for good. It takes him hours to fall asleep because all he can think about is Devi. She is stubborn and refuses to leave his head, taking up permanent residence in his thoughts. And when Paxton finally does doze off, she is there again, starring in all his dreams. She won't leave him alone. But it's not like he wants her to.

When he wakes up the next morning his first action is to reach for his phone that's placed on the nightstand. His eyes are still bleary and crusted, an unfortunate effect of waking up only two seconds ago, and the screen is nothing more than a blur for half a minute. Finally, his eyes adjust, and he sees he has one new message from Devi. He scrambles to type in his password to unlock his phone, fingers uncooperative and jerky in his haste. He doesn't care how eager and uncool he may be coming off right now. It's not like she's here to bear witness to how much just one new text from her excites him and makes him lose his cool.

The message is simple in content. She apologizes for missing his call yesterday, and explains there were some family issues that needed working through. (He knows she had been spending the past week at her once, but now no longer nemesis' house. Paxton pretends the idea of them sleeping under the same roof doesn't cause jealousy to swell within his chest.) Paxton continues scanning her message as Devi goes on to state that she's happy he called, and can't wait to hang out, and would after school work for him? It does work for him, but even if he'd made other plans, there would be no hesitation in cancelling. 

He messages her a confirmation that, yeah, today is good, and he'll catch her later in class. His casual reply is an attempt to come off as chill, playing nonchalant all the while jumping for joy on the inside, because it's a date. Or, if she doesn't want to label it, they are two classmates going to hang out. They are going to talk and spend time together and maybe hold hands or kiss. And after acting like every popular douche in existence by shrugging off her advances and avoiding her, it might be the best he can expect. For now, he's content. Elated, even. Her friendship, as of right now, is enough. Even if he wants more, he can wait. 

The day drags on, painstakingly boring and long, as Paxton counts the hours until school is over. He has History class with Devi, but he slides into his desk only two seconds before the bell, and thus is only able to shoot her a quick grin in greeting and a hushed 'hey' before the teacher starts the planned lesson, and there's no more time to talk for the rest of the period. He tries to catch her in the hallway, but she's nowhere to be found when he attempts to search for her.

He sees her again at lunch. They make eye contact across the courtyard. She beams at him and offers a small wave, which he returns with a dimpled smile of his own. She is with her friends and he's with his own, but part of him hopes that she'll make her way over to say a quick hello. She doesn't. But that's okay, because he knows she'd had a falling out with her friends a couple of weeks ago, and he understands that mending their friendship is the more pressing matter at the moment. Besides, it's only a couple more hours until she is all his. He can be patient for a little bit longer.

When the final bell rings he wastes no time in rushing out of the building to make it to his car to wait for her. He's nervous, palms gathering sweat, which is such an out of character thing to happen to him, he can't believe this girl has this much of a hold on him. He takes out his phone to distract himself. He's been with plenty of girls before. Devi shouldn't be any different, but for some unfathomable reason she is, and that fact is extremely unnerving. 

"Paxton!" 

The calling of his name rings out clearly, despite the obnoxious laughter and shouting voices of the other students gathered in the parking lot. He cranes his neck, glancing over his shoulder to find Devi excitedly racing toward him. Her hand is raised in the air, and the smile she wears is wide, undeniably happy as she displays all her teeth. It's infectious, and he smiles back.

"Hi," she says when she's right in front of him, cheeks glowing. She leans forward, and he thinks she might hug him, but she simply pushes against his shoulder, following it up with an overdramatic fluttering of her eyelashes, and Paxton thinks that Devi may be trying to flirt with him. But she is so dorky and a little clueless and he can't help but laugh because wow, she's so damn cute. 

"Hey," he says, reaching out to flick her on the forehead. It's a friendly gesture, not very romantic, more brotherly than anything, but he doesn't want to push too hard and mess things up when they are both already unsure, wading deeper and deeper into uncharted territory. 

"So," her eyes drift to his car. "Where are we headed?" 

"Uh," Paxton starts, "I figured we could just hang out at my house. Maybe do some homework or study." Lame, lame, he's so fucking lame. He doesn't even study, what is he talking about? He's realizing he'd been too caught up in the idea of hanging out that he hadn't even focused on what they would be doing when they were together. "Or we could watch a movie. Or something." Or make out on his couch. He doesn't suggest that though, figuring it might be better to keep that thought to himself, at least for the time being.

"Yeah, that sounds cool!" Devi exclaims, eyes bright, and it's becoming evident that she'd been anticipating hanging out with him as well. Her eagerness allows him to relax a little, the tension that had been building up in his body dissipating. The fact that he's not alone in his nervous, but still excitable mood is reassuring. Nothing has changed. They can pick up where they left off. They're okay. 

The car ride to his house is mostly quiet. Devi seems distracted somehow, chin perched on her right hand as she gazes out the window. She's contemplating something, her eyebrows drawn together and lips pulled down in the slightest frown. Whatever is on her mind is troubling her, that much is obvious. It is a far cry from her earlier attitude, and Paxton is concerned. He wants to ask what's wrong, but it's more than likely another family issue, and he doesn't want to pry and come off as nosy. If she wants Paxton to know, she'll tell him. 

He makes idle small talk, trying to take her mind off whatever is bothering her. It seems to work as they engage in mindless chatter that deepens into flirtatious banter. Devi's left hand is resting on her thigh, and Paxton's eyes flick toward it every other minute. He wants to take it into his own and interlace their fingers. There's an urge to feel her skin against his, but the desire is innocent, not sexual, born from a curiosity to know whether her palms are smooth and pretty, or calloused and warm. 

He doesn't have time to act on his latest impulsive thought because all too soon they are pulling into his driveway, and he is escorting her into his house. Devi flops onto the couch, relaxing easily into the cushions. Paxton is not so chill, but he tries to mirror her, forcing himself to lean back and lose his rigid posture. 

"So," Devi begins, scooting closer so her bare knee brushes against his own jean-clad leg. "You said you wanted to watch a movie?" 

"Yeah, yeah." Paxton swallows and mentally chides himself because he is better and smoother and more composed than this. For fuck's sake, he's acting like he's fourteen again, right after he'd felt his girlfriend's chest for the first time. He hops off the couch, and strides over to the cabinet where his family keeps their DVD's. "I mean, we don't really have an extensive movie collection." It's mostly horror, accompanied by excessive violence and an unnecessary amount of gore, or trashy romantic comedies with enough clichés packed into 90 minutes to fill an ocean. "You can come look, see if there's anything you'd wanna watch." 

Devi doesn't spend much time browsing. Her eyes skim over the rows of movies quickly, and she reaches out at random to select a DVD case, passing it to him. He looks at the title and grimaces once he reads it. It's a slasher film with too many scenes of women in the shower and cringe-inducing dialogue that can't even be redeemed with the amount of body parts sawed off.

Paxton raises a brow and shows it to her. "You wanna watch this?"

Devi shrugs. "Sure. It looks like it could be interesting." 

"There's no real plot and a gracious amount of skin on display at all times," he warns her.

Devi laughs and shakes her head, throwing herself back onto the couch. She stretches her legs out in front of her, and because he is a teenage boy with a mind that acts accordingly, his eyes are naturally drawn to admire her legs and the expanse of skin where her skirt ends. "I really don't care what movie we watch, Paxton. It's fine." 

Paxton shrugs, smiling to himself, as he pops the movie into the DVD player. 

Five minutes into the movie, and they have both tuned out whatever is happening on screen in favor of sneaking secret glances at the other out of the corner of their eyes. He knows she keeps looking at him, and he wonders if she can also feel his eyes boring into the side of her head when she faces forward again. He wants to kiss her. Wants to push her down, so that her back is flat on the  couch and she rests under him, hair fanning out around her head in a gorgeous, unkempt mess. Wants to slip his hands under her shirt and feel her chest rise and fall in quick succession as she struggles to catch her breath. He wants her to crave him just as much as he is craving her. But that is likely impossible.

Paxton turns his head, opening his mouth to express to Devi that he no longer wishes to be just her friend, but he's not able to get a single syllable out before she loudly declares, "Ben and I kissed." 

There is a pause, a long stretch of silence as the meaning of her words sink slowly in, rattling uselessly around his head. It's almost unbelievable, what she is saying. Devi being attracted to Ben is so ridiculous and implausible and of course it's not true, but there's no reason for her to lie. He stares at her, baffled, and she looks back, eyes wide and terrified, worried for his reaction. 

Paxton clears his throat. He doesn't know what to say. "I uh- I didn't realize you two were, uh, interested in one another." 

"We're not!" Devi says quickly, shaking her head vehemently. "He has a girlfriend, and I was grieving, and it was a spur of the moment, fueled by adrenaline sort of kiss, and it didn't mean anything." 

"If it didn't mean anything, why are you telling me about it?" 

He says it coldly, there's no real malice in his heart, but enough bite in his tone to make it clear that he's pissed and doesn't really want to deal with this. He's an absolute idiot. She's running around, swapping spit with other guys while he spends his time pining after her like some lovesick moron. She doesn't like him. At one point she had, but he'd blown his one and only chance at cementing a relationship with her already. Of course, it's not her fault he was acting like a douche and pushing her away, and she doesn't really deserve his anger, but he's so stupid and mad at himself and he can't help it. 

"Actually," Paxton stands. "I think it'd be better if you just left." 

He's a jackass, and hurting her isn't going to make him feel any better, but if she doesn't leave now he's definitely going to say something he'll immediately regret. 

Devi scrambles to her feet, and stands directly in front of him, and he stubbornly refuses to look at her face. 

"Paxton, I like you. I want to date you. And I want to hold hands, and kiss you and eventually have sex with you and-". 

Her words escape her mouth in a frantic jumble, and he thinks dimly that she's a mess but he's an idiot, and if that's not a match made in heaven then he doesn't know what is. So he cuts her off with a chaste kiss, hands cupping her face as he tilts her chin upwards to gain better access to her lips. Her body is stiff against his before she relaxes, melting into the embrace as her arms come up to wrap around his shoulders, pulling him closer.

The kiss is short and sweet, somewhat reminiscent of their first kiss in that sense, and accomplishes Paxton's mission in getting Devi to stop spiraling in the form of word vomit. He breaks the kiss, and her lips cause his before forming a pout. He presses his forehead against hers. They are still so close and he can feel her breath fanning out across his cheeks, which results in his whole body feeling like it's on fire. And if he hasn't made his point clear enough for her he says, "I like you too, Devi. And I want to drive you home everyday, and watch crappy movies together on my couch, and I want to be able to call you my girlfriend." 

She doesn't seem to hear him. Devi blinks, eyes distant and glossed over. "That was uh- you deserve an A+ for kissing." 

Paxton chuckles, ducking his head closer to her again. "A+, huh?"

"Mm," she nods noncommittally, and she's so goofy and weird and amazing. And he wonders if she will react like this every time he kisses her. He likes knowing that he has the ability to render her speechless and dazed. He's not the only hopeless one. 

"So," he prompts. "If I'm such a great kisser, is that enough to entice you to be my girlfriend? Or do you need a little more persuading?" 

"It's more than enough to entice me," Devi smiles, but it disappears as she draws her lower lip into her mouth. "But, I don't think I'd make too great of a girlfriend." 

Paxton shakes his head, leaning forward to murmur against her lips. "I don't care." 

Devi laughs breathily, giddy and carefree. "Trust me, I'm not fit for a relationship right now." She pulls away from him slightly, but keeps her arms around his body. The frown she wore in the car has returned. "There's a lot of family stuff going on, and there's still things I have to work out with my friends, and I just-. I think I need to work on myself first before I'm ready to commit to anything, because I don't want you to regret being with me." 

Paxton thinks it's highly unlikely he'd ever regret being with her, but he doesn't tell her that. 

"Don't worry," he combs his fingers through her hair. "I understand. And when you figure out whatever you need to figure out, I'll still be here."

Devi grins cheekily. "You think I'm worth waiting for?"

He rolls his eyes, because she knows the answer already, she's just trying to embarrass him now. 

"Sooo," she drawls, "If we're not dating, do I still get to kiss you?" She asks, half genuine curiosity and half flirtatious. 

"Up to you, but let it be known, I'm not entirely opposed to the idea," he smirks at her. 

"Good," Devi whispers. 

"Excellent." 

And with that, he leans forward, closing the gap between them for good.

[flutteringphalanges]

Her

Summary: Four years after a car accident takes Chloe's life, Lucifer is left to raise their young daughter alone. One afternoon, he decides to pay Dr. Linda Martin a visit where he finally finds the strength to open up and reflect on life. *Major Character Death*

Relationship: Chloe/Lucifer

Rating: T 

Read on AO3 and FFN

Loosely based off this gif set

                                                        Her

Jane. That's the name they chose for her. Well, the name Chloe had picked out. He'd found it a little plain, somewhat unfitting for someone whose father was literally the king of the underworld himself. But it seemed right. Even though she was far more precious than any four letter word could describe. Perfect. Fragile. His daughter. Jane.

Everything was fine until the accident happened. Jane was only a few months old when Chloe, sleep deprived, went out one night in search of diapers. He'd forgotten to pick up a pack on the way home from Lux. They fought. Argued. It was such a trivial matter. When he got the call about the crash, everything around him seemed to shatter. The phone fell, cracking on the floor, and the baby cried from her crib. But he didn't seem to notice.

Lucifer hated funerals. Pitying the dead. Either they'd done well and would go to heaven, or slip into the fiery depths he once called home. No need to remember. But he stood there anyway, Jane bundled up tight, as he numbly nodded thanks to those who shared their condolences. He hated them. Hated himself. Jane cooed, but he didn't have the energy to look at her either.

Months went by. Years. The pain still ran deep within him, like raw cuts from animal claws, but he learned how to work around it. Jane had grown, now four years old. She was talking, smiling, playing like any normal child. But she looked like her. Her hair. Smile. Eyes. In her, he saw Chloe, and it burned. Lucifer fought it as best he could. For her. For Jane. For Chloe.

"Daddy?"

Lucifer eyes opened. Jane had crawled on top of his bed, peering down at him with a smile. He exhaled, sitting up. Most days, he tended to wake up on time. When he didn't, his daughter made sure that their day wasn't delayed.

"Morning," he yawned, offering a small smile. "I suppose you didn't make me a cup of coffee?"

She giggled at his joke and shook her head. "Nope," she exclaimed.

"Pity," he exclaimed, running his fingers through her messy bed hair. "Well, at least there is always breakfast. Cereal and cartoons? I do hope we haven't missed Tom and Jerry."

"Not yet," she assured him. "But we have to hurry! Come on, Daddy!"

Perhaps not the best breakfast of champions, but he didn't think Chloe would mind too much about giving their child a little extra sugar. She was a good girl, after all. Didn't cause any trouble-which came as quite a relief, seeing that she was his child.

After Chloe's death, Lucifer's involvement with the LAPD began to slip. At first he didn't realize it, but he'd begun to distance himself from anything that reminded him of Chloe. Of course he had to suffer through visits with Dan, Jane was Trixie's half sister after all. The older girl always put on a brave face. She was like her mother in that way. It was nice to know Jane had someone to look up to.

"Hurry alone, Jane, it's nearly time for preschool," Lucifer called out, peering down at his watch. An anniversary gift from Chloe. Something he didn't have the heart to part with. "Aunt Maze will be picking you up today. I have some matters to attend to at Lux."

Maze had been a constant companion after the accident. She had forced herself on him-and not in a sexual sense. When he was at his lowest, it had been her who'd figuratively kick him in the ass to sober up and be there for Jane. He was lucky to have her and she loved Jane, a feeling that was reciprocated. The demon had a knack when it came to Chloe's kids. He'd never understand it.

"Backpack?" He inquired, adjusting his jacket. "Lunch?"

"Uhuh!" Jane chimed in cheerfully, whipping around to show him the pink bag with a skull patch ironed on in the middle. An accessory done by Maze. "Ready!"

He hadn't a clue about kids. The idea made his stomach crawl. When Chloe announced she was pregnant, for the first time in his life, Lucifer Morningstar felt absolutely terrified. The pregnancy itself went well, the detective's occasional hormonal outbursts a rather unpleasant side effect. When she went into labor, the overwhelming pressure of it all almost brought the Devil to his knees. But the moment he held her, gazed down upon the tiny newborn, he'd never experienced such happiness, such fear in his life. From that moment forward, he swore to protect her. His little hellion. Jane.

"Let me out," the little girl protested, struggling against her car seat restraints. "I'm stuck!"

"Hang on, hang on," Lucifer exhaled, rolling his eyes. "What's the bloody rush for?"

"I wanna sit on the bean bag," she explained hastily, nearly falling out when Lucifer unclipped her. "Before Jaime Dunn does."

Jaime Dunn. Of course. Father a wealthy banker. Mother a trophy wife. Their son would surely grow up into a prick. Not someone he wanted his child around. But Chloe had picked this school. Even before Jane was born the detective insisted on preparing ahead. Who was he to deny her of her wish? He owed her plenty.

"Hug and kiss," he said, bending down to wrap his arms around Jane. "And perhaps, if you are so inclined, maybe slide a worm down Jaime's shirt?" Lucifer winked, his daughter's smile broadening. "But don't get caught."

"Be stealthy," she declared. "Like Aunt Maze!"

"Exactly," he smirked. "Clever girl."

"Bye, Daddy," Jane waved, heading towards the school's entrance. "I love you!"

"I love you too," his smile began to falter, eyes watching as the doors closed. "More than you know."

Dr. Linda Martin had tried from the moment she learned of Chloe's death to help Lucifer. Try to get through the thick, muddy waters that was his depression. He had been low, but after losing her, he'd sunken to the deepest parts of Hell. It was a dark place. His mind. And the thought of carrying on seemed so difficult. But then there was Jane. This tiny piece of his beloved he still clung onto. The only hope in an empty existence.

"It's good to see you, Lucifer," the doctor smiled as he took his regular seat on the couch. "It's been awhile."

"I suppose it has," he admitted.

"How's Jane?" She inquired, leaning forward. "Amenadiel was just talking about her the other day. Dan had shown him some pictures on his phone of Trixie and her playing?"

"So my brother has sunken to the level of finding companionship with Detective Douche," Lucifer scoffed. "Not a surprise."

"We miss you, you know," Linda said, her expression sympathetic. "We all do. Lucifer, it's been quite a long time. I know things are still hard…"

"Don't," he shook his head. "Don't start. All of you keep thinking that you know. You don't."

The therapist was silent for a moment. "How's your relationship with Jane?"

Lucifer's brow furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean? She's my child. I do fatherly things with her. With lack of experience and coming from the family that I did, I'm assuming things are rather bloody peachy."

On the offense. That's how he always got when the subject was broached. He didn't mean it usually. Even after four years it was still sensitive. Lucifer was doing his best. At least he tried to. What would Chloe think if she saw him now? Would her love still stand?

"Fine," he said quietly. "We eat breakfast together, watch cartoons. She likes to finger paint, gets the stuff bloody everywhere. I read to her each night, well, I try to. Jane likes the park, the swings. The other day she saw a toad. Even picked it up."

Linda nodded thoughtfully. "And how are you doing, Lucifer?"

He stiffened visible, fingers digging into his palms. Yet another subject he didn't wish to discuss. His feelings. Thoughts. He preferred to push everything back. Far into the depths of his mind. But they'd reappear in his dreams. Sometimes haunting him. Nightmares. He'd wake up in a cold sweat and look over half expecting Chloe to be there lying fast asleep by his side. She never was.

"Fine," he lied. "Actually, I think I need to go, I…"

"Lucifer," Linda's voice was firmer, making the man stop in his tracks. "How are you?"

"I see her," he mumbled.

"Who?" Linda asked softly. "Who do you see?"

"Chloe," he finally answered. "In Jane. Whenever I look at her, I see Chloe. Her eyes. Her face. Her hair. The way she smiles at me. Sometimes I can't even bear it, I have to force myself to look at her. My own child. It's like someone is squeezing my bloody heart."

"But you love her," Linda ventured.

"Of course I bloody do," he nearly snapped. "More than anything. She's all I have of Chloe. She's my daughter. I'd do anything for her." Lucifer sighed, fighting back tears. "But I don't deserve her. It should've been me that night, not Chloe."

"It wasn't your fault-"

"But it was," Lucifer countered, sucking in a sharp breath. "I forgot the diapers and we got into some silly, bloody argument and I let her go out. I didn't offer to do it. It should be Chloe raising Jane, not me."

"But you are raising her," the therapist said gently, reaching forward to rest a hand on Lucifer's knee. "And if Chloe was here, she'd be so proud."

"I miss her," he swallowed hard, eyes watering. "And the more I try to stop, the more I do. I just want the pain to go away." He paused, recollecting himself. "But I look at Jane and realize that I have to be here for her. It's what Chloe would want. I'd do anything for Chloe. For Jane."

"I know," Linda smiled. "Jane couldn't ask for a better father."

Sometimes he pulled late nights at Lux-either he had things to do, or needed to clear his mind. When he arrived home, greeting Maze who sat drinking a cocktail in the kitchen, he slipped his shoes off and entered Jane's room. Through the mess of stuffed animals, he could just make out a small, sleeping figure huddled under the covers. He smiled softly, quietly making his way over. Fast asleep, he gently moved back a lock of her hair.

"I'm sorry I got home so late," he whispered. "I'll make it up to you. Ice cream for breakfast." He chuckled softly at the thought of Chloe's reaction to that. "Goodnight," Lucifer murmured, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "I love you."

Forever and always.