#he suffers and he endures so much and he keeps finding new ways to love and understand others

[dykeza]

Ichigo being a stay at home dad who works online is so in character for him actually…… he’s the type of dad to enforce 1 hour of no screen time outside playing in the yard and/or playground. He texts Orihime goofy pictures of Kazui jumping around in some water fixture in the local park and carries him home soaked to the bone and shivering with the biggest smile on his face and then they eat ice cream and wait for Orihime to get home so they can have family game night.

[goldfish-afterhours]

Genshin Characters When They Realize They Love You

Characters: Kaeya, Childe, Zhongli, Xiao x gn!reader

Type/genre: Bulleted headcanons, fluff, slight angst

Warnings: Self-doubt/anxiety, not proofread

Kaeya

Knows he loves you when you tolerate his antics

You see through his flirtatious mask, and though you may roll your eyes in exasperation sometimes, you never lose your patience with him

Sometimes you even join in on his bits, telling tall tales to children or helping him convince the town that drinks were half-off at the Angel’s Share tonight

“If enough people believe it, then Master Diluc has to follow through, right? Can’t let his regulars down~”

Kaeya has been itching to say those three words. He can feel it creeping up his throat everytime you scold him for taking his tricks too far, everytime you smile at him

But for some reason, he finds himself holding back

What if you leave? What if you perceive it as weakness?

What if you don’t love him back?

He knows these thoughts are irrational, but he cannot stop his worst fears from creeping into his head

But the longer he waits to say it, the deeper of a hole he digs for himself

He loved you with his entire being. He was only trying to protect himself

So how come you were standing in front of him, hands covering your face as you sobbed that he didn’t love you?

Upon seeing you in that state, in a panic Kaeya forgets about the scared little boy in the rain, and the words come rushing out before he can stop them

“I’m sorry. I love you, I love you more than anything in this world, I promise. I…I love you. So please…don’t cry.”

Childe

Realizes he loves you just as you are beating someone up for information

Not surprisingly, Childe is addicted to the thrill that danger brings. And if the thrill comes in the form of you, isn’t it obvious he is addicted to you as well?

And what else could that be but love?

Also he’s just into people who can beat him up

No such thing as a bad time or place. The moment he realizes he loves you, those three words are already flying out of his mouth

Everyone in the situation was stunned—it was enough to make you stop punching the treasurer hoarder in the face, and the treasurer horder was staring at him dumbfounded through bloodied, swollen eyes

“Don’t mind me, I just felt like saying it. As you were, then?”

Zhongli

Knows he’s in love with you when you remember the things he forgets

As a god, there weren’t many things he had to remember to carry on his physical person, so he’s still getting used to it

After all, what use is food to an immortal being, an umbrella when his clothes were already soaked in blood, or mora to the God of Money?

But after leaving his archonhood behind, he has to start carrying such things around

He’s trying his best, but is still getting used to it so he frequently forgets

But you remember for him

You show up at his workplace, lunchbox in hand, chiding him for forgetting when you worked so hard cooking it this morning

You show up just as he clocks out for the day, a large umbrella held over your head to block the pitter-patter of the rain, saying how you didn’t want him to get his new suit wet

You chase after Zhongli on his way to the marketplace, scolding him between pants for making you run to give him his wallet

You could’ve let him suffer the consequences for his airheadedness, but instead you go out of your way to cover for him, and he loves you so much for it

The next time you give him something he forgot, he thanks you with a kiss

“Thank you for bringing it for me, my flower. I love you.”

Xiao

Realizes he loves you when you stay, despite it all

You’re not afraid of him. Even as a bringer of death and destruction, you don’t even hesitate to be around him

Even as the dark forces of his karmic ties suffocate him, you stay by his side, comforting him with quiet encouragements as he endures the pain

It’s not just because you’re the only thing keeping him sane. Even when the whispers grow quiet, you bring a sense of peacefulness and serenity to Xiao, one he hasn’t felt in thousands of years

You make him feel safe

You’ve made it clear to him that you’re not going anywhere, and he cannot begin to express how much he needed you to ground him

On one of the days the demons become head-splittingly loud in his ears, you cradle him in your arms, whispering sweet nothings to overpower the voices

Slowly but steadily, they grew quieter and quieter, until all Xiao could hear was your honeyed voice and the sound of his own harsh breathing

Overcome with appreciation for you, he opened his mouth to say something, but he was exhausted

All he could utter were three words that only began to dip into the reverence he has for you

“I…love you.”

[geekgirles]

"The Flower that Blooms in Adveristy Is the Most Rare and Beautiful of Them All": A Brief Amalia Analysis

I've been meaning to talk about this scene since the episode premiered, as I find it perfectly encapsulates Amalia's character and her development.

On the one hand, we have the fact that she's long outgrown the pampered, sheltered princess archetype she was introduced as and become far more mature and multi-faceted.

Over the course of the show, we've seen how Amalia evolved from a girl who ran away from her responsibilities because she felt stifled in her own home after her mother's passing, to a girl whose reason to break the rules was the sake of her kingdom, determined to save it from Nox. To the point she eventually grew into the Sadida Queen mantle and was ready to do whatever it took to ensure her kingdom's safety and well-being, from accepting to marry a stranger, to finally stepping up to the challenge and ascending to the throne to guide her troops to victory despite having just lost her brother and such heavy burden thrusted upon her.

All the while dealing with her own trauma, heartbreak and desires as she watched her father wither away, her best friend since childhood was far away living her own life, Armand and Aurora tried to pressure her into marrying, she was manipulated by Oropo into almost abandoning Yugo, and she likewise suffered because she couldn't be with the man she loved despite both of them wanting nothing more.

And on the other hand, that scene also shows how, while not necessarily the most powerful member of the Brotherhood of the Tofu, Amalia's versatility is second only to Yugo and maybe Adamaï's, as well as it once again shows how despite her powers' development not being as flashy as Yugo's, it's still notable and impressive.

In a way, you could say Amalia's character and power development are both subtle, yet a constant of the show.

Amalia's gone from summoning vines and using her doll to being able to overpower a Xelor demigod without help, use her powers to light up dark spaces (seriously, girlie can create literal light out of plants, how?!?!?), growing cotton plants from stone to keep her and her friends in touch, and season 4 has her become the team's weapons provider against the Nécromes; an ability that, as far as I'm concerned, only King Oakheart was able to do back in season 1 when he created a new bow for Evangelyne.

And it that weren't enough to prove how layered and multi-talented she is, there's her fight against the Sadida Nécrome itself.

Up until that point, except for a few punches here and there, Amalia's been mostly a long-ranged combatant, much like Eva, relying on her plants to fight. However, her summoning that wooden staff and using it to fight against the Nécrome shows that she's actually quite adept at hand-to-hand combat, too, especially when she moves with such grace and her strikes hold that much precision. Which at the same time means that not only Armand received training from the best masters around, so did Amalia.

This all comes to show Amalia is an example of the hardships she's endured slowly molding her into the person she was always meant to be, into the queen she was always meant to be. Grougal already said back in season 1 she had the heart of a Sadida Queen, her adventures were always meant to get her to that point.

Much like his adventures eventually turned Yugo both into the king his people longed for, and the one Amalia needed by her side. Everything they have been through together have led them to this moment, to the chance to stand together as king and queen, as husband and wife.

To stand together as one.

This is what Amalia had been preparing for her entire life. And I, for one, am proud to say, "All hail Queen Amalia."

[effy-writes]

HIIIII!!!!!! OKAY OKAYY SOO.. MALE READER BTW!!

fizz x ozzie x reader

So He has very unique features, In hell you look very doll like, think even more doll like then velvette, you are from the envy ring, but moved to the lust ring because its just better, he has white hair with pink streaks in it. and you like have a lot of white and pink

so you are crying because someone called you ugly and fizz is comforting you, and you have anxiety so you took this to heart, and spiralled because you're scared your boyfriends think you're ugly, so ozzie walks in, and then is begging to know who hurt you, and he comforts you too, once you calm down, they send verosika to hang out with you since you're best friends andand while you two hang out fizz and ozzie are beating up the dude who called you ugly<3

ofc!! sorry this took too long!! im kinda not happy how this turned out, for some reason i struggled with this but i hope you enjoy!! <3

~~~~~~

fizz x ozzie x m! reader: oh doll

cw: scratching to relieve tension

living in the envy ring wasn’t so great to you. lots of trauma happened and you had to get out of there. the saying is true, places holds memories, so the moment you turned 18 you moved into the lust ring.

your life became better, but you still suffered from anxiety attacks due to the trauma that you endured from envy. you needed to find something to distract yourself so you decided to be a performer at “ozzie’s”.

you obviously had to audition, so you went with a pole routine. ozzie loved your performance and so you were hired on the spot! you felt like you were on top of the world and nothing could bring you down.

ozzie introduced you to fizz, and you guys hit it off! one thing led to another, and now you’re in a polyamorous relationship with them. at first you were nervous about this whole thing because you never been in a poly relationship. you were afraid of becoming too jealous, but they treated you so good and completely washed away your anxious thoughts.

you also told them about how you have anxiety problems due to your life living in the envy ring and warned them that you’re sensitive to certain things. they were both understanding and even fizz told you about his trauma so you’re not alone.

~~~

you had about 3 hours to spare before you had to perform again at “ozzie’s”, so you went walking to clear your head.

you strolled the streets of lust and went shopping for some new outfits. pink and white was your color, so you always seek out those colored clothes.

“oh shit, it’s the off brand angel dust!” an imp laughed.

you rolled your eyes to yourself and continued shopping. you were use to this kind of treatment, being called the “off brand angel dust” was so basic. at first it did hurt you, but overtime you stopped giving a fuck.

the imp and his friend kept following you around the store. your heart raced, but you tried to not show any reaction.

“angel dust from shein.” he snickered.

you left the store without any new clothes because you didn’t want to deal with them. you made your way back to “ozzie’s” and got ready in the designated dressing room.

“y/nnn, can i come in?” fizz shouted.

“of fucking course.”

fizz opened the door and wrapped his arms around you from the behind while you were putting on drag makeup.

“how was your walk? did you buy anything lustful.”

you didn’t dare to tell him what had happened today because him and ozzie will go haywire. “couldn’t find anything that i didn’t own.” you laughed.

fizz let go and sat on your lap facing you, “seems about right to how much ozzie spoils you.” he laughed, “are you ready for your performance?”

“i am! it’s gonna be sooo sexy. so you better keep it in your pants.” you stick your forked tongue out.

“gonna be hard.” he laughed, “you’re on in 30 minutes.” he lightly kissed your lips since you were wearing lipstick and didn’t want to ruin it. fizz got up from your lap and left your dressing room.

you let out a sigh and slouched as you stared at yourself in the mirror. those imps really got to you but you can’t let them hold that much power over you.

the performance went perfect, you didn’t slip or miss any beats. fizz and ozzie watched from the wings and as always they had to stop themselves from fucking you right then and there.

you blew a kiss to the audience before strutting away to the wings. your boyfriends pulled you into a tight hug before letting you go to get unready.

you walked back to your dressing room but stopped in your tracks once you saw the same imps.

“just saying, angel dust is a way better dancer than you. he has the body, the legs, the stamina, he is the og. but you? an uglier version of angel.” he laughed.

you clenched your fist, “you guys can’t be back here.”

the other one spoke, “look, we’re just trying to help. nobody wants to see the same pink and white whore, we already got one who is better than you. you should be thanking us!”

you shoved pass them and locked yourself in the dressing room. your breathing increased as you clutched onto your heart. “deep breathes” you whispered to yourself.

no, no this can’t be happening again. it’s been months since you had an anxiety attack just stay calm, you kept thinking to yourself. i’m not ugly, they’re just trying to get under my skin. you’re okay.

but no matter how many times you told yourself this it didn’t work. you groaned loudly and scratched at your skin to relieve tension.

“y/n? doll?” ozzie said from the other side of the door, “you doing alright? can i come in?”

you wiped away your tears and opened the door. ozzie came in and saw your teary eyes and ruined makeup. “oh doll, what happened?”

your breathing increased again, “it’s nothing, i’m fine.”

“you’re not fine, what is it? did something happen?” he held your hands.

“just some…” you couldn’t finish your sentence, just break down again and hyperventilating. ozzie picked you up and pulled you into a hug, “shh, it’s okay, i’m here. but you gotta tell me what happened because NOBODY will hurt you again.”

“just mean shit.” you managed to say through your sobs.

“oh honey..breathe with me.”

you followed his breathing and eventually calmed down. your head was aching from how much you were crying. ozzie sat you down on the bench and got on his knees to be at your level. he took your hands into his and squeezed them, “who said these things?”

“an imp with short white hair and wearing a blue shirt? and the other has longer white hair who wasn’t wearing a shirt.” you took shaky breath in and out.

“i’m gonna BEAT those FUCKERS UP” ozzie screamed before calming down, “sorry for yelling it’s just-”

“i know, ozzie.” you softly smiled but dropped it, “i don’t feel good about my self.” you sniffled, “i don’t understand why you and fizz want a “shein version of angel dust”.”

“doll, STOP thinking like that! you’re better than that! fizzy and i think you are the most beautiful, handsome, attractive, sexy looking demon here! how about you hang out with verosika tonight and fizz and i will go handle them, does that sound good?”

you nodded as ozzie stood up to call verosika. you couldn’t help but to scratch yourself to relieve tension again. he hung up and got down to your level again, pulling your hands away from your arms so you would stop hurting yourself, “verosika is coming over in about 30 minutes, just sit tight. will you be okay being here until then?”

“i will, thanks again.”

“of course, doll! you mean everything to fizzy and i.” he smiled. “please stop scratching yourself, okay?”

you nodded and hugged yourself with your arms and your tail.

ozzie ending up leaving you in this dressing room. you needed to get out of this costume and take off your ruined makeup but was too tired to do anything. you were glad you’re able to hang out with your best friend, but still so mentally tired.

another knock was heard, “hey bitch,” verosika said, “can i come in?”

“yeah,” you got up and open the door. verosika handed you a flask.

“you doing alright?”

“not really.”

“want to get dress in some sexy ass clothes and go to a bar?” she sweetly smiled.

“i guess..sorry im just so tired after i get anxiety attacks.”

She rubbed your shoulder, “i know, baby…do you want me to dress you up!” her smile gotten bigger, in which making you smile.

you agreed and watch verosika squeal out of happiness. she went through all of your clothes that was in the dressing room and picked out the sexiest one you have. “bitch, PLEASE wear this.”

“uh..i don’t know. i don’t think i’ll good in it.”

“oh come on, please? trust me you’re already fucking hot. wear this.” she threw it to you.

“fine.” you took it out of her hands and got dressed while she turned around.

“ya know..fizz and ozzie really loves you.”

“i hope so.”

“i know so. they always talk about you.”

you finished putting on the outfit and got her attention. she turned back around and gasped, “i need to ask if i can join in on the polyamory.” she laughed, “let me do your makeup.”

you sat down on the bench as verosika gathered the makeup from the vanity. she picked out all shades of pink and did your eyeshadow/eyeliner/mascara before doing your face. you turned back around to look at yourself in the mirror, still feeling ugly but you know that’s not true.

you and verosika made your way to the nearest bar and got drinks. she obviously got shit faced but you tried to just get tipsy and not too drunk. “you know, y/n, im really glad i met you.” she rested her head on your shoulder.

“i’m glad too. if it wasn’t for fizz and ozzie then we wouldn’t have been friends.”

“you have no idea on how much they love you.” she drunkly said, “they’ll do anything to protect you.”

“yeah..i think they’re beating up those guys right now.” you laughed.

“oh most definitely.”

you took another sip of your margarita, “i feel much better.”

“is the alcohol talking or you?”

“probably both.” you snickered, “but i do feel much better. thanks again for inviting me out.”

“of course, bitch. come on,” verosika slid off of the bar stool and wobbled a bit, “let’s take you back to fizz and ozzie.” she reached her hand out for you, in which you gladly took.

“verosika, i think maybe i should take you back to your place,” you laughed, “you’re shit face.”

“yeah but this day is for you,” she slurred.

“you could just spend the night with us.” you smirked.

“that’ll probably be better because i see four of you.”

[nunalastor]

I have been struck by an idea for Angel Alastor AU

*Alastor's POV*

A couple months into his stay in Hell Alastor finds and figures out how deals work, as well as their roll they play in maintaining this realm. He is excited to try it out and finds out he is really good at it. BUT!! After awhile the people he takes under his care collapse into shows of light. He doesn't get it. What is he doing wrong! the only 2 thralls not leaving are Nifty and husker.

Let's see he takes in children and women who did what they had to do to survive. Check! Give them free housing in the forest he grew with his magic. Check!! Employ the women as either teachers/caretakers for the kids or writers for his radio shows. CHECK!!! Basically build and maintain a self sufficient community that doesn't have to worry about the stress of hell while he get to have his fun. Check fucking CHECK!!!!

No matter how many years pass in hell it keeps happening. It's confusing but that's ok, he only did it because all the most respected Overlords of hell run and maintain communities. His new bestie Rosie, Carmillia, Missi Zilla, Zestial and even that pathetic picture Box that got a lucky hit to his forehead with an angelic dagger ( thankfully Alastor bashed vox's face in before he could back up the memory) has one. Well the Princess is opening a hotel i hopes of rehabilitating sinners should be fun. He just hopes that the letters he wrote for Guy, Emily and his Mom and that they forgive him for his selfish acts.

*Heaven's/Micheal's POV*

It has been years since the one so loved by Heaven went missing because of Adam's carelessness when something miraculous starts happening. The souls of women and children damned to Hell start appearing before the high Seraphim Sera. Despite all the struggles the souls went through and endured, they had one thing in common.

Alastor

When Micheal is filled in on what's happening he doesn't rushes to the observation orb within Heavens Court house. With the help of the very souls Alastor redeemed he lays eyes upon his beloved for the first time in years. The sight is both comforting and devastating as Micheal watches Alastor rub at a nasty scar along his temple.

Of course. Everything makes sense now. His beloved wouldn't abandon everyone he loves on a whim. He didn't know it was possible for the love he has held for his deer to grow deeper because even when trapped in hell under the delusion that they're a demon Al still went out of his way to help others. After many apology's to Guy, Emily and Al's Mom for the deceit Sera decides the best course of action going forward is to call a meeting with Lucifer.....OH, Lucifer sent his daughter in his place. WAIT! She's starting up a redemption project that's perfect we can give her support through the search party now led by a talented exorcist by the name of Vagatha And his beloved's best friend Guy who's a detective turned therapist.

Charlie: "wait uncle, you know redemption is possible?"

Micheal: "Well yes, but not how because my boyfriend the saint who figured out how to do so, got trapped in Hell due to a tragic mistake some years ago suffering a horrible head wound. We were finally able to find him but we don't know how much he truly remembers."

*Lilith POV*

Lilith who has spent the last couple of years getting faded off champagne on a beach: "I feel like i'm forgetting something important" -the unopened letters Alastor asked her to deliver sitting at the bottom of her luggage- "If i can't remember, probably not a big deal."

-sleep deprived Anon-

P.S. the thought of Alastor finally finding joy in his after life only to have it be ripped out from under him because he is unintentionally being really helpful is funny and the growing unhinged perspective of Micheal as he searches for his beloved, is absolutely delightful for me

P.S.S. I had to write this down twice so it's a lot longer than it was originally so here's this wall of text-sorry not sorry

👀

[aziraphales-library]

Thank you so much for all that you do! I've found so many good fics from your recommendations ♥️

Do you know of any that involve Crowley being homeless or otherwise seriously struggling financially? Thank you!

I have read one with this theme, Divine Restorations and Repairs, so I'd love to rec that too! It's fantastic.

We have some fics in which Crowley is struggling financially here. And I've got a few more in which Crowley has problems with money/housing...

Copper and gold by Joseph_Amadeus (M)

Aziraphale doesn't pick up hitchhikers but he can't help himself when he sees Crowley getting steadily wetter in the rain one night.

Be Still My Soul: The Romance by MirjamOmens (E)

It’s the summer of 1917 in the Grand Duchy of Finland. The Great War rages over Europe, and the empire of Russia, of which Finland is still part, has suffered a revolution. For Azirafel Fjäll, a minor landowner and a shop runner, all these things are only mildly annoying inconveniences. His dear friend, Anton J. Crowley, is not as fortunate. The working-class people struggle to make a living in a world where there's a constant shortage of food, fuel and work. Despite their class differences, Azirafel and Anton have been friends since childhood--and both secretly yearn for more. Can their two hearts find each other as their country heads from one crisis to another? Or will the ever widening gap between their worlds keep them apart?

Sharp Objects by ElderlySardine (M)

Back in the mid-nineties, Aziraphale and Crowley had it all. They were friends, lovers, soulmates. Life was hard, but as long as they were together it didn't matter. Then in one catastrophic fight caused by Aziraphale's cruel, coercive brother Gabriel, the whole thing came crashing down. The boys parted company for good. Now it's 2021. Life has spun Crowley and Aziraphale in very different directions before throwing them back together at their lowest ebb. Can they manage to hide their history from their new friends? Can they forgive each other, and themselves? Could there possibly still be something there between them? And with Gabriel still lurking on the horizon, will they be strong enough to do anything about it?

The Ghost of Husbands Past by A_N_D (E)

Az always knew that he’d be thrown out the moment his father found out he was gay. He hadn’t expected to be declared dead though - or for his husband to believe it! But their marriage had been a foolish teenage impulse (not to mention invalid in America), so when Az moved to a small town far upstate New York to start his new life, he moved alone. The kindest thing he could do was let Crowley mourn and move on, not be shackled for life to a now disabled partner. Tony Crowley never recovered from losing his best friend, his childhood sweetheart, his better half. He’d been drifting ever since; no plans, no hope, no money - and now, just before Thanksgiving, no job either. Given the stark choice of freezing to death or accepting his sister’s invitation to join her upstate, Tony reluctantly lives out the Hallmark cliche of Recently Unemployed Person Moves to Small Town for Christmas. It’s a time of hope, love, and family. It’s time for Az and Tony to find each other again.

Magpie by southdownsraph (E)

Ezra has just been hired as a bartender at an underground LGBT nightclub to help supplement his income while he studies for his master’s, and he can’t help but become infatuated with one of the performers, an exotic dancer who goes by the name AJ.

And the one you mentioned...

Divine Restorations & Repairs by skimmingthesurface, SylWritesStuff (E)

While it's unfortunate for one’s car to break down in the middle of the countryside, the pretty-as-a-postcard Tadfield could hardly be considered the worst place Anthony J. Crowley has ever been. Of course, it doesn’t help that it looks like it hasn’t yet seen the turn of the millennia, let alone this decade, but perhaps that’s just what he needs as he crawls his way out of the Hell he’s endured for the past fifteen years. Maybe the last thirty, if he's honest with himself. Though he could do without the rain. When Aziraphale Fell happens upon him and offers him shelter from the storm in his little family-run antique repair shop, neither are expecting it to change everything. The angel with his white umbrella and his tartan bowtie doesn’t expect this mysterious stranger to be able to fill the timely vacancy in his shop or the quiet of his life, but they’ve both had experience in restoring once-beloved items back to their full glory. Perhaps Crowley hasn’t fallen quite so far that he wouldn’t fit in with the rest of Aziraphale’s ragtag team of eccentric restoration experts. And perhaps they may be able to turn that talent on themselves and each other, and seal the cracks in their own hearts.

- Mod D

[utapri-translations-uuuu]

Loneliness and Despair - Translation (孤独と絶望)

Please do not repost/retranslate without permission.

I have also made a version which includes the members' notes found in the script.

[Human limitations - Faust’s house, nighttime]

He is sitting in a chair in his dark, dusty room.

Faust bites his nails while clicking his tongue. A habit of his.

Faust: … How cruel life is.

He is overcome with despair.

Faust: It is far too short a time for a person to live…

Faust holds his head between his hands.

Faust: I’ve spent my life's precious time studying. I have gone to great deals to master every possible field from philosophy to jurisprudence, medicine, and theology. I spared no effort, doing anything in my power to achieve this.

He slams on the desk.

Faust: And yet! I couldn’t discover the truth of the world. None of it…

He violently sweeps the books off the desk.

The books fall off the desk with a clatter.

Faust: Professor, Doctor, scholar…? Being called by such titles means nothing. Even if you achieve a certain level of success, it becomes a responsibility and puts pressure on you. I was pushed even further into learning, and I was unable to escape from that cycle…

Looking at his trembling hands.

Faust: Learning left me nothing… As an old and decrepit man, there is nothing left for me to do. My wrinkled hands tremble weakly, and my eyes, which have lost their sparkle, reflect a hazy world.

A longing for death that comes from loneliness.

Faust: How much time do I have left…? Until I cease to exist… There is no escaping death. It comes equally to every human being.

He hugs himself and endures his loneliness.

Faust: Am I going to meet my end in solitude…? With no one to mourn my death, and no one to watch me draw my last breath.

Faust is beset with remorse.

Faust: If I had spent more time on other things, would my life have been different…?

He stares into nothing and mutters as if imagining it.

Faust: Having a warm home and a happy life with a loving partner and our children?

He smiles self-deprecatingly.

Faust: … That would be hoping for too much. I wanted at least someone who I could call a close friend with whom I could share my heart with.

He speaks while thinking back to times gone by.

Faust: Ha… I can’t find an answer to the question of what I should have done. If I had been able to do that, I probably wouldn’t be having regrets now. I keep thinking ridiculous thoughts. It’s pointless, all of it. Just near-death dreams…

His hand finds the vial of poison in the medicine cabinet.

Faust: Let’s end this already… Taking away the pain and going to sleep. Permanently…

[The suffering of successful people - Downtown, daytime]

***

Faust’s recollection

A conversation between Faust and his disciple, Wagner. On the way back from buying chemicals to make poison.

Faust: …

Wagner waves his hand in the air.

Wagner: Doctor! Doctor Faust!

Wagner runs up to Faust, who then turns to face him.

Faust: … It’s you, Wagner.

Speaking with great enthusiasm.

Wagner: Good day! You’re certainly carrying a great load… Those are all chemicals…? … Oh, I see. Are you planning to do some new experiments in pharmaceutical science?

Faust: … Yes, something like that.

Wagner holds out his hands to take the package.

Wagner: Shall I carry it for you…?

Faust smacks Wagner’s hand away.

Faust: Don’t treat me like a senior citizen!

Wagner: P-Pardon me… I apologize for overstepping. However, all of these materials seem to be very expensive. I wouldn’t ever be able to afford them. I’m really envious.

He scratches his head in embarrassment.

Wagner: Well, I still have much to learn, so even if I were able to get them, I would probably be unworthy of them…

Faust: Envious…? Material things are of no value at all.

Looking into Faust’s face.

Wagner: Is that so? With great materials and your knowledge, you are sure to discover something new, Doctor! There absolutely is value to them!

Faust quietly shakes his head.

Faust: … You still don’t get it. The knowledge gained in life is only a small part of it. Rather than mastering it, the more you know, the more desperately you want to learn more.

Wagner: What can you, someone beloved by God, say? You have exceptional talent and have achieved many successes. From my perspective, you seem to have everything you could ever want…

Faust: What really matters in life is not talent, wealth, or fame. All of those things will be of no use at the time of the Last Judgment.

Wagner: Even someone as great as you feels that way… I'm still inexperienced and haven't reached that level yet. I must work even harder!

He clasps his hand tightly, enthusiastic.

Wagner: I will do my very best to follow in your footsteps and continue your work!

Faust seems to have resigned himself.

Faust: Yes… You still have a lot of time left. That’s right, the world is full of possibilities and hope… Go ahead and pursue your dreams as you like.

Wagner: Yes, sir! But I am sure that I, an ordinary person, would not be able to accomplish that alone. However, I have a trusted confidant!

He gazes dreamily into the distance.

Wagner: I have an intimate, close friend who is pursuing the same dream as me. He saves me from despair and getting discouraged…

Faust bites his nails while clicking his tongue. A habit of his.

He’s quite annoyed.

Faust: … Close friend…?

Wagner reports happily, as if talking about his own achievements.

Wagner: Yes! He’s a genius! Not only is he clever, but he's also pure, beautiful, and flawless. He's a talented friend I'm very proud of!

Faust bites his nails while clicking his tongue. A habit of his.

Faust: How cruel life can be.

Envy towards Wagner. A desire for youth and popularity.

Faust: … You're completely different from me. There isn’t anyone who will listen to what this old man has to say, let alone be my close friend. That's just how popular I am. I don't even have anyone who will be by my side.

He gently pats Wagner on the shoulder.

Faust: It's a lonely life. Knowledge has not filled the loneliness. Wagner, don't go astray. Don't lose sight of what is truly important. This is advice from an old man.

He gazes at his clenched fist with regret.

Faust: No amount of wealth or fame can buy you eternal life. And you can't turn back time...

Faust smiles with a look of resignation.

Faust: Do you know what the ultimate dream of the masters is? Immortality… I was never able to fulfill that dream.

Wagner approaches Faust agitatedly.

Wagner: Immortality…? Eternal life…!? What are you talking about!? That means stepping into the realm of the divine!

As if reminding him to be careful not to let anyone hear him.

Wagner: You will incur God’s wrath! How blasphemous… Such dangerous thoughts… are not allowed.

Faust: You'll understand when you're older. Right now, you're young, so you have the luxury of time.

Wagner is shaken. He can’t deny it completely.

Wagner: Is… that so…?

As he expresses his genuine gratitude, he comes up with the idea of leaving him a keepsake.

Faust: Wagner. Thank you for listening to this old man’s rambling. Oh, that’s right… About the documents you wanted, feel free to take as many as you want.

Wagner: Eh! Really? Thank you very much!

Faust: … I don’t need them anymore. Come get them sometime... See you.

Wagner feels a little uncomfortable.

Wagner: Doctor Faust…? Doctor Faust…!

Faust ignores Wagner and walks away.

***

[caycanteven]

Hey hey, it’s. cay~! Wanted to give a quick update, especially for those waiting to hear from me with commission updates! Feel free to check it out under the cut below. Following this is a TLDR!

TLDR: I have suffered an art block and I needed to step away to handle my lifestyle and IRL priorities like a good lil’ adult! In doing so, commissions, content, and activity have been slow. Please know I have taken the time to take care of myself, and that has always been a priority! I’ve also have been reading again, and it has been an amazing escape and stress reliever with art being unavailable to me. I’m taking the steps to return at my own pace, and I’m very appreciative of you guys and my supporters who have been patient for me as well!!

Firstly, for my ever so patient clients…

I have not forgotten about you guys! For those who haven’t heard back from me in a hot second, please forgive my disappearance! I had to take an unexpected pause and am deeply sorry for the inconvenience! I should have been quick to be forward on such a delay but it was a difficult time and things got away from me—even Art. I found myself in a creative block and all I have been doing is work IRL.

I couldn’t find it in myself to produce a piece for even myself without the care it deserves, and you guys know how much I care to provide the best—and am super critical of it even then.

Due to the delay, I’ll offer optional benefits and/or discounts as an apology, to give back for the inconvenience my absence has caused! I’ve gotten back into the flow a bit more and feel like I can draw circle, so I’ll be reaching out tomorrow afternoon to follow up with you guys and start/finish the remainder of the queue!

For my blog dwellers…

I’m still very excited to continue sharing my work and my husbones here, no doubt! Even more so, I keep seeing all the beautiful art and the FAE universe has me by the metaphorical balls. God I love it, it’s amazing. Even more so because I have a piece I plan to show in due time based on it!!

I’ve also been looking forward to showing off a new skeleboy coming from the Dustfell Universe. I won’t show his design but I will say his name is Spruce. Feel free to give your thoughts on him or what you think he may be like, because I wanna see how close someone gets hehehe.

Either way I definitely plan to start posting again as soon as I am in the swing of it again, and just need to have that time to relax and recover from the art block. Reading has been amazing as a form of therapy to my brain and has been an escape from the crazy life I had to endure lately, as why I haven’t been around much either. Though I have done good for myself, I miss you guys greatly, and can’t wait to share what I’ve been trying to work on for so long teehee.

[kuroosdarling]

FALLING OUT OF ORBIT — ༉‧₊˚.

ft. gojo satoru !

꒰ SYNOPSIS ꒱ : you and gojo have always had something going on; something more than friendship, but have never addressed it. for you, fear held you back. for him, it was the world.

꒰ CONTENTS ꒱ : MANGA SPOILERS !! set in canon universe, angst with ambiguous ending, a glimpse into both POVs — wc: 1k

꒰ NOTES ꒱ : said i wouldn’t write for gojo but then this concept came along and i ran with it. this is a lil diff than what i usually write tbh so please enjoy !! <3

reblogs and interactions are always appreciated ! (*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ*.ﾟ

19 days. 19 days you’ve had to endure life without gojo by your side. without him constantly getting under your skin, trying to pry a smile out from it. you never thought you’d miss the childish behavior so much or how whiny he’d get when he didn’t get his way.

you never realized how much it helped you fight better, how it made you stronger. the glimpse of light during the dark moments was now gone and all you could do was suffer in the shadows. because when the brightest star burns out, all you’re left with is the empty wish that it’d come back.

if he was jupiter, you were europa. if you were the earth, he was your moon. always orbiting each other, suffocating each other with a heavy dose of gravity but never being able to touch. never able to collide due to the fear of the ripple effect it would undoubtedly cause.

a constant song that has you dancing around each other's feelings, skirting around the truth in fear that if the other doesn’t feel the same, gravity will snap. instead of orbiting each other, you’d launch out into the great abyss to face the unknown completely alone.

his infinity helped keep it from becoming a reality, drawing an invisible line that separated the two of you. not only distancing his physical body from yours, but using it effectively as a wall around his heart. tossing around flirtatious jokes here and there paired with an undeniably strong friendship was just enough to keep the rest of the feelings at bay.

at least for him.

because in those 19 days, he still managed to consume you. every moment spent trying to find a way to get him to come back to you no matter the cost. your mind only capable of thinking about him. him. him.

and when he finally returned, a part of you wished he hadn’t. the orbit was suddenly thrown off of its axis as gojo learned the truth about everything that happened in the last 19 days, his eyes never leaving yours as he grasped the new reality of the world.

and yet, your heart couldn’t stop chanting his name, claiming that anything could happen now. but reality was colder, the war ahead sinking itself into gojos skin and making its home there in your stead. he was always good at wearing his mask in front of the others, but you knew behind that teasing smile was a black hole ready to destroy everything around it.

there was one moment when you got close enough, your feelings about ready to overflow from your mouth and into his soul like a moth to a flame. but one look from him had it all retreating back deep within your heart, the flame extinguished without uttering a single word.

it was a look of dismissal, coated with an obscene amount of guilt. one that told you, “not now” and had your heart locking up the burning question of “then when?”.

but you knew gojo better than that. he needed to see this battle through before he could charge forward to his feelings for you that had long since been tucked away. all you had to do was wait for your orbit to resync, granting you a second chance and letting your love finally spark into a supernova.

gojo knew that in this world, he wouldn’t be able to be with you. he couldn’t give you what you deserved, he had too much on his plate to do so. if he didn’t win the fight then he couldn’t change the world into one where he could properly be with you.

the weight of the world tirelessly rested on his shoulders. something he had grown up with and eventually grew into — the pressure always looming there.

it was heavy, pressing deep into his back with each step he took. it would never waver, never go away. he was forced to carry it with him no matter where he went and act like it didn’t affect him.

how do you keep moving with the weight of the world resting on you?

coming out of the box had been another tragedy in his life. the sudden reappearance of the ghost of his late best friend showing up, effectively catching him off guard and throwing him into a place he never wants to think about again. but everyone looked so relieved when they saw him reappear, looked up to him as some savior when all he wanted to do was take you with him and turn the other way.

it would be so easy for him to be selfish. to say “screw the world, im going after my own happy ending.” but no matter how many times he thought about it, or even how many times he could’ve easily changed his course, he stayed back; the weight on his back kept him firmly in place.

so, gojo kept up his usual facade, not wanting to worry everyone. but the truth was, he was tired. so very exhausted, the weight seeping deeper into his bones.

the day you came into his life was one of the best days and the worst. even geto had poked fun at him for how love struck he was. the times had been so simple back then. there were no heartbreaking betrayals, no looming threat that couldn’t have been taken care of with the simple snap of his fingers.

the weight of the world had been shared upon all of your backs. but once geto left, the weight had to be redistributed and he couldn’t bare the thought of you carrying any more than you had to.

maybe when the war was over he could hear what you had to tell him, what he’s been longing for this whole time. but with everything teetering on the brink of chaos, he needed to do this alone and tuck those selfish desires away.

so for now, he broke your heart and took all of the burdens of the world with him, holding onto the hope that you’ll one day forgive him.

[fincalinde]

for your ask meme: wei wuxian?? 👀

Since I've got some new followers over the past couple of days (who knew what branching out from Xiyao would do for my reputation!), I'll once again add the disclaimer that I write MDZS meta and not CQL meta. I'm aware that in CQL, WWX is characterised somewhat differently. I have thoughts on that too, but I'm not immersed enough in CQL to commit to sharing them publicly.

Since WWX is the main character and appears in almost every scene, I won't attempt to write a thesis statement on him. (You cannot afford my hourly rate.) Instead I've decided to focus on an aspect of WWX that I feel is often overlooked or sanitised. That is to say:

WWX is extremely annoying.

He's not just irritating, or overly exuberant, or a touch too arrogant. He is infuriatingly obnoxious.

Obviously WWX is also brave and often well-meaning. He loves deeply, even if he consistently lets down the people who care about him. He's strong-willed enough to abide by his own sense of morality in the face of overwhelming disapproval and danger, and arrogant enough to make unilateral decisions when it would be better for all concerned if he took a step back. He's bad at big picture thinking and rarely considers the full ramifications of his actions, but he's also incredibly adept at getting out of scrapes, and he has an admirable if also somewhat depressing ability to shrug off pain and suffering that is the result of his difficult days on the streets and his mistreatment by YZY. 

And he's obnoxious.

I do think it often gets forgotten, because Wangxian is intended to be a love story and it's much more tempting to write sweeping romance and charming banter than hark back to all the canonical moments in which characters, including LWJ, genuinely want to throttle him to death.

He never shuts up! He's constantly laughing far too loudly and for too long. He's the sort of person who thinks it's funny to pull the rug out from under someone in a conversation so they end up discomfited and embarrassed. I fully understand that a large part of his hectoring LWJ is a precursor to his later romantic interest and is in line with his flirtation style, but the fact remains that he goads LWJ beyond the point of endurance on multiple occasions. LWJ just happens to be a weird dude who's really into it.

A good example of what I mean is when Wangxian encounter each other at Phoenix Mountain. WWX asks LWJ if he's ever kissed someone, then proceeds to speculate that LWJ has never been kissed and will never be kissed. LWJ doesn't seem to mind this at first, and only becomes angered when WWX lies about having been kissed before himself (oh LWJ), but it's important to remember that WWX has no idea that LWJ has any interest in him whatsoever. From WWX's perspective, he's just having fun belittling someone else over a topic that for most young people is a sensitive one. I don't want to oversell this moment and claim that it's bullying, actually, but I do want to use it to highlight that WWX is not always a considerate person and this type of behaviour is teeth-achingly thoughtless and cringeworthy.

I could go on, but if you pick any given scene including WWX you're likely to see dialogue in which he's being actively annoying to other characters, intentionally or otherwise. This isn't an attack on him, just an observation that in order to write him in a canon consistent manner he should be not just witty and chatty in a way where other characters simply roll their eyes and keep going. He should genuinely actually aggravate them and it should have consequences within the scene. Characters such as JC and WQ care about WWX but also find him infuriating, and that's with good reason—never mind the juniors, whom WWX takes pleasure in messing with. There are many characters who feel great respect and affection for WWX, and every single one of them also regularly feels deep frustration and irritation towards him too. There should be some meat on the bones of any back and forth between them.

[animezinglife]

Just a little anecdotal thought:

For milder-mannered, suffer-in-silence, or less obviously "passionate" women, the whole “intense feelings” thing can go one way or another--both being extreme.

You might think a guy’s attractive, shut down completely, and avoid him like the plague because it’s too much for you to handle at that point in time (for whatever reason).

You might also find yourself acting completely out of character and realize how difficult it can be to keep that behavioral anomaly reined in.

The first one’s a miserable, self-loathing experience.

The second one’s a massive headache to deal with.

But here’s the thing: both are often indicative of something being extremely intense, which a lot of these women aren’t used to feeling at all or have trained themselves so thoroughly to let their own wants slide that it never actually occurs to them to act.

They also don’t always know how to react and will drive themselves insane either fighting it or fighting everything that feels against what they know as their nature. Neither happens with lukewarm feelings or complete lack of interest.

Speaking as a completely third party objective with no personal interest or experience in the matter, I wouldn’t be so quick to rule Lucien out of Elain’s future.

No, she’s not in love with him at this point in the story—I’m not claiming that. He’s not in love with her, either. He’s taking that step forward to meet her halfway and trying to get to know her. He wants to see if it could work since the universe tied them together anyway.

If they could love each other.

Meanwhile, poor Elain who’s had everything she knows ripped out from under her gets a mating bond slapped onto her the second she emerges from the Cauldron in an entirely new body with entirely new, extreme senses.

The bond is strong. The bond isn't lukewarm at all, and she doesn't know how to handle it. She doesn't want to have this involuntary connection forced on her, especially when it's something potentially so intimate in nature.

She's not ready to confront it, so she avoids it. It's not Lucien personally she has an issue with--while she has been cold towards him, I have no doubt she hasn't enjoyed doing so and that when she's thought about it, she realizes how polite and respectful he's been throughout this jarring realization for them both.

She doesn't know him like we do: doesn't know his past, and doesn't know of his wonderful qualities, about Jesminda, the pain he's endured, and the warmth and kindness he still possesses despite it all.

Remember too the only real examples of mating bonds she has to go off of are Feyre and Rhys. Nesta and Cassian. To some extent (whether they're mates or not), Amren and Varian.

Feyre and Rhys's tension despite having been together for awhile now is always present and always palpable. It's hard not to be hit over the head with something like that as a regular human when a couple's connection is that strong and there's that much going on between them, and Elain--an already intuitive person--now has to be faced with that in all her heightened senses glory? About how public those things automatically are?

Then there's Nesta and Cassian, which she would've observed the rocky, stressful start of versus that development and where they are now. That too would be overwhelming (and likely, to a more reserved female like Elain in such capacities, a little embarrassing).

Top that all off with the man she thought she loved was taken from her by circumstances that weren't her choice and that his rejection of her was brutal. Think about how badly that must have stung and how any sense of security she might have had left was stolen away, too.

Now the universe has decided that she and Lucien of all males are mates.

Lucien, her sister's friend. That alone must imply to her he has some good qualities Feyre values.

Lucien, who her sister spends at least five minutes per internal monologue platonically thirsting over in her commentary.

Lucien, a trained courtier with a mix of elegance and mischief. A mix of refinement and masculine roughness.

Prythian can't seem to go five seconds without commenting on his attractiveness, including the villains.

The first thing he does amidst the chaos and horror is cover her with his jacket to protect her dignity and carry her gently out of the water. Someone who she, despite knowing it's not his fault, will forever to some degree associate with that terrible day (even if he was one of the few who offered her kindness).

He's kept his distance from her per her wishes. When they are around each other, he has always been polite, reserved, cautious, and respectful. He's merely offered his hand and given her every choice in terms of taking it.

Elain is overwhelmed and still healing. It's not in her nature as it was Feyre's or Nesta's to fall into whatever sort of relationship with men or males easily.

The one time she take that leap, she was hurt badly for it by a beta bitch man she thought loved her and whom she'd planned to spend the rest of her life with.

Even if everything else is overwhelming--even if a part of her may want to get to know Lucien at least a little--it wouldn't surprise me at all if she's every bit as afraid of where that might lead if she does end up feeling something beyond the bond for him.

And she very well may sense that as well: that once she takes that step, he's going to be the type she could fall in love with.

He's a chance she's not quite ready to take.

[dramadramallama]

Love Supremacy - brain rot part 2

As Myung-ha rejects the idea of a predetermined fate, he sets off to change it for Yeo-woon, who’s mirroring him in every way. When we first meet our Myung-ha, we also meet the most mysterious character of the show. Is it Death? A guardian angel? God? Whatever it is, he knows more than Myung-ha, and has some wisdom to share. Thus, a sunbae. 

The fact that he is represented as some sort of Author is not lost on me, but I do appreciate that his identity is vague enough to be interpreted many different ways. No religious connotations, no punishment, no judgment, we cheered.

In theory, Myung-ha finds the idea that some people just don't live happy lives unfair. He doesn’t like the story’s ending (he doesn’t like his own ending either, as he regretted it in the last moments) so he sets off to change it through this new opportunity (the Game). When asked, "would you do things differently, if it were you, then?" he unequivocally answers that he would, that he would make it happen differently. Looking back, it’s clear his sunbae is not asking hypothetically. The underlying conversation is obviously about his own life being re-written, not (just) Yeo-woon’s. 

1. Mirrors/Symmetry ▶️2. Fate, Free Will, and Happiness 3. Game/Reality

So in theory, he’s all for doing things differently, but in practice, though, it's not that easy. He’s struggling not to make the same mistakes, which is represented with the in-game instability. When Myung-ha makes progress, when he both shows love and accepts it in return, the game (life) is able to go on in spite of the glitches.

Golden moments keep us going, literally.

After experiencing some system errors, some setbacks, his sunbae comes back to the rescue with some more not-so-hypothetical questions.

Through the lens of a loving relationship, he hopes to show Myung-ha that the choices we make out of despair are still our own (free will). It’s a direct parallel to Myung-ha deciding to cut his life short (break up, no pain, no hard feelings), instead of living longer (delaying it, enduring the hurt, getting scars, coping with regrets). 

Myung-ha is not quite ready, and has trouble understanding what is being implied. Because he hasn’t reached a state of self-love, he unknowingly doubles down on the fate he’s assigned himself once, and chooses to repeat it. 

He chooses to give up (again), he chooses to avoid the suffering (again), which he associates with unhappiness. It takes just as much courage to live as it does to die, and happiness doesn't exempt you of pain, but Myung-ha doesn’t know it just yet. He falls back into his old habits, and symbolically gives up staying longer in the game (of life), worried about Yeo-woo’s happiness more than his own. 

After working tirelessly to get Yeo-woon to happiness, and becoming the reliable person Yeo-woon can lean on, he hits the wall of his own contradictions. The relationship is uneven, the choice too biased. The gap widens, the fragility of the whole thing is apparent: the game is bugging, as Myung-ha doesn’t align his needs/desires with his actions/reactions. 

Not only does he refuse Kyung-hoon’s and Yeo-woon’s offer to lean on them (he hurt his leg following a system error), he also struggles accepting his own feelings. In spite of the time running out, he fails to tell Yeo-woon he loves him properly, retains important info about himself, and breaks up with him in the exact same location where they share their first kiss (loud wailing sounds of poetic cinema)

Myung-ha’s core issues are bursting out in the open (increasingly alarming error messages appear): because he doesn’t let himself be loved, he can’t love properly. Because he can’t lean on others when he needs it, he fails to be there when it matters. 

Myung-ha misguidedly keeps choosing a sad ending for himself when the whole game, his whole life, is fighting to give him a happy one.

That’s not to say his entire journey until now was in vain. In fact, Myung-ha is incredibly resilient (child...❤️), and opens himself to change at the end. He’s just missing a piece of the puzzle for it all to fit into place. It is, in fact, quite a big pill to swallow that happiness doesn’t happen to you passively like destiny, but instead is something that you actively choose. Hell, I struggle to even comprehend or believe it, tbh.

The game being littered with questions, answers, and possible choices/options is a visual representation of our everyday pondering, and choice making. What goals are we setting for ourselves? Myung-ha's sunbae is there to remind Myung-ha that if we refuse the existence of fate, then we should make use of your all-powerful free-will. 

At first, he blindly runs towards the game’s main goal--happiness--and doesn’t realize you can’t find it at the finish line. If he only wants happiness for someone else and not himself, why would he get a different ending? By the end, he learns that happiness can, possibly, be found on the way there, though.

The hand, the love he extends to Yeo-woon one-sidedly in episode 1, he accepts it when it is returned in episode 8.

The story comes full circle, but doesn't repeat itself; he gets a different ending through a new start.

From a pure stylistic standpoint, I'm obsessed with repeated lines/motifs in media because they give a lot of rhythm to a story. Like a poem or a song.

The story reaches its final stanza, he listens to himself, and resolves the error, his own contradictions. He found the will to fight for happiness, a way to love himself, chooses to stay longer, chooses Yeo-woon, chooses to maybe suffer along the way a little, but he chooses life. 

Notice how the question does not have Myung-ha's answer this time. Now, we choose.

Life is not an express lane, and if you're short 5,000 won to take the bus, or if the bus breaks down on the highway, you might have to fight and make a run for it. It'll suck. But it's not in vain; you might just get rewarded with the happy moments you created for yourself. Myung-ha does.

It is such a hopeful, kind, gentle message.

I am alive too.

[anxiousnerdwritings]

obscurial!Reader gives himbo vibes and no one can tell me otherwise

like, yeah, maybe he’s incredibly book smart but people skills? right out the window. poor man has no survival instincts. he’s been beaten and broken so many times that the need to be good outweighs anything else even if it puts him in dangerous situations. and people think the kindness comes so easy to him when his laugh lights up a room but Merlin none of them know the truth.

I absolutely love this and I’m so totally down for Himbo!Obscurial!Reader!! Like, this poor guy has been through it, just so much; physically, emotionally, and mentally, that he just wanted one good thing in his life but never had it so he instead became that good thing himself. For the most part he hides what he went through and the severity at which he suffered extremely well, whether he does so consciously or not, and to those around him except a select few wouldn’t be any the wiser to any of it. But Albus and Minerva especially have picked up on or have knowledge of what Himbo!Reader has gone through, there’s little things that give it away. Maybe it’s the semi-obvious way he flinches when someone moves too fast or when there are loud noises, maybe it’s in how he must needs to constantly be reminded to take care of himself otherwise he won’t (strictly because he forgets to, not seeing himself and or his wellbeing as a priority by any means). Or how he goes into habits of shutting himself away from others only to act like nothing of it when he comes back, waving off anyone’s concern or questions about it. Himbo!Obscurial!Reader isn’t used to anyone worrying about him or checking up on him so it’s all new for him once he starts working at Hogwarts and has the students and other staff members sticking close to him and keeping an eye on him. Minerva especially is keeping a very close eye on the Reader and has a very deep fondness for him.

I imagine Himbo!Obscurial!Reader being muggle book smart but of course being completely clueless about the magical world and everything pertaining to it due to his growing up but I absolutely think that in his childhood he found solace in reading. Books were the only thing that allowed him to experience a vast variety of whatever he wanted to be a part of and that’s what helped him along the way, it was his way of escaping and it still is. I feel like Hermione and Percy would definitely stock the Reader up on books, both magical and muggle ones. I think the two of them would feel more connected to Himbo!Reader that way. And if the Reader were to recommend any or give either of them books from his own collection they would absolutely adore it. You can bet the books they get from the Reader will be so taken care of and loved. Also, I imagine that the books the Reader reads/has are strictly story books, nothing really educational unless it’s about baking/cooking or animals and or botany, just hobby/interest related stuff. I also like to think that Himbo!Obscurial!Reader formed his own personality and way of seeing the world through the books he read (and of course from the terrible treatment he suffered) and that’s why he is more generally naive about things and just blindly getting himself into situations. It also doesn’t help that now he’s being brought into the magical world after all this time and is still trying to figure things out but he’s got a good attitude about it and his happy to go on this adventure. Not to mention he has all these new people by his side which he’s even more happy about.

Speaking of which, I imagine that Obscurial!Reader didn’t have many friends, if any, growing up so whenever he meets someone new he automatically claims them as his friend, no matter who it is. Which down the line is definitely going to cause issues but what’s comin will come and he’ll meet it when it does (spoiler: it’s more yanderes!).

Imagine everyone else’s reactions when they find out what Himbo!Obscurial!Reader had endured for most of his life?👀 All hell would break loose and the people who hurt him will surely pay for all of it, slowly and painfully.

[cherubchoirs]

I think its very interesting how god is a cookie cutter bad/abusive parent (i'm having a course on the psychology of good and bad parenting and holy smokes the amount of red flags the father has) that thought does also bring up the interesting psychology on how parentified Lucifer is. Like instead of raising the archangels himself he tasks his kid who's barely any older than the others to guide and raise 4 kids that arent his own by being a mentor with an emotional distance close enough but not enough to be a father to them. Thats gotta be painful, especially Michael and Lucifer since they seem to be the closest to having a father son bond or Lucifer who wants to love unconditionally but has to restrain cuz yk he's a mentor, not family. Also makes me wonder, did the archangels ever see god as a genuine father? Like not THE father but A father in the family bond sense

(contains a little bit of discussion on the kinds of abuse found in fundamentalist circles - it's pretty vague but i'm not sure how to tag it, so wanted to give a head's up!)

that really is the kind of dynamic i want to portray with them, as i view heaven, in context of gabriel's story, to reflect the pain and suffering perpetuated in fundamentalist households/communities. it's a reading i find very critical to gabriel's character and how the narrative is structured, so i wanted to carry that through with lucifer and the other archangels. and just like you say, lucifer is seen by god as an extension of himself - just slightly older than the archangels, especially by immortal terms, lucifer is given the responsibility of their development and overseeing their growth as god immediately becomes preoccupied with further populating his new universe. lucifer took to the work because he loved them so deeply, he wanted to see them thrive, but truly it wasn't a burden he was equipped for given his own limited experience. naively he had to do all he could to maintain his role model status, he constantly concerned himself with setting the right example, but he also could become overly volatile at times because he really wasn't that much different from them. they actually matured together, with michael becoming particularly close with him because lucifer, doing his job so well, was everything michael wanted to be. he was proud to be lucifer's second, he saw him as the ideal...but like so often happens, the family splintered. lucifer saw evil in it and grew to understand what he had been molded in. and it fell apart.

lucifer rebelled against the father's law and was cast out. michael became the model son, burying himself in the faith, embracing fundamentalism, and denouncing the evil, sinful nature of lucifer despite how he had once loved him. raphael became a peacekeeper, always tending to everyone's emotions and giving little regard to his own - his only priority is maintaining harmony, wanting to never again see anyone go through what they once did with lucifer. uriel became a recluse, withdrawn and given entirely over to his work, his study, he stays out of the way so much that many in the host of heaven forget there even is a fourth archangel, and he just quietly does as god asks of him. then gabriel is the popular public face, faithful but much warmer than michael, projecting an image of absolute radiance to cover up knowing he's different, knowing that lucifer had vaguely approached him before the fall. their illusion has been shattered by lucifer's loss, his absence tears at their family like a ghost, oppressive, unrelenting, always just out of sight but impossible to broach. there is so much evil here, each of them trying to put it off solely onto lucifer and told so many lies about him in his estrangement that they begin to believe them on some level. any pain their family had to endure, any distress they've felt at the dissent, any anxiety they have about their happy lives giving way, is all pinned on lucifer. and so the answer then, is keep the faith, work hard, think always of lucifer and strive to be everything he was not, but above all...be grateful for god's love.

i don't think angels have the same ideas of familial relationships, only thinking of each other as siblings when made in a set and not really having the concept of a true "parent" since they all come from the same source....but, like i mentioned in the previous ask about lucifer's feelings on having a child, he does have a similar paternal energy as god. and while something in god wants to fill this role to all things he creates, he is far too distant, far too terrifying, far too abstract and untouchable. to love him is ritualistic, and the love he returns is all-consuming yet entirely dependent on that ritual, a devouring and yet conditional love. lucifer, in sharp contrast, projected that same overwhelming love but was right there, guiding, teaching, sharing in their excitement, their wonder. he never asked to be worshiped, he did not demand specific prayer or exact behaviors, and instead his love was given freely. and so god was like the sun, beautiful and brilliant but only safe so far away where it could never burn them, while lucifer was the dawn it brought. and while i don't think they ever consciously thought of one another as family, lucifer more or less acted as the guiding force in heaven, with particular attachment to the archangels given how closely they would have worked with him. through him, the love of god was accessible, yet it was uniquely as lucifer decided to give it and shape it. so while they may not have an idea of a father in a human sense, lucifer played the part of their mentor, their protector, and their counselor...which is as close as they could ever get

[rambleonwaywardson]

Lonely Traveler

Part 3 of the Home to You series now posted on AO3! Part 1 Part 2

I'll put a preview below. All 3 chapters of part 3 now posted!

Summary: "I thought I'd lost you." "I love you too much." War does its best to tear love apart, but that doesn’t mean love goes away. It just becomes something that can hurt you more.

Total Word Count: 10,101

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Preview:

War messes with your mind in a way that a civilian will never fully understand. It messes with your body, with your heart, and with your soul. It goes after love, even, grinding it down like another enemy, when all it is is collateral damage in the raging gunfire. People like to think of war as somehow romantic. Maybe some parts of it can be, in a way. 

But war is not, never will be, kind to love. Especially not in a POW camp deep in the Reich, where if the guards don’t kill you, the cold or starvation just might. 

And if none of that does you in, well… war sure does mess with your mind, doesn’t it?

–

Who knew the sound of bombs in the distance could carry so much hope. It’s a sick side effect of the human condition: one person’s suffering is another’s salvation. The world isn’t so black and white, though, and when you think about it, it could be said that a few bombs over Berlin isn’t nearly enough to make the Nazi’s pay for what they’ve done to this planet and its people. In a few years time, the human species will wonder how such violence can be natural, if this is just how people are meant to behave. How could this possibly be true? But then again, how could it not?

In a POW camp in 1944, the sounds of an air raid play like a symphony.

The gunshot outside, the man on the ground, the dog trying to tear him limb from limb, the shouting – those instead are the sounds of tyranny, of wielding power just because you can. Suffering for suffering. Death for death. 

When the guards yell at the airmen to get back inside, Bucky tells Gale that the goddamn Nazi goons are gonna take them out one at a time. Gale says nothing. He can’t stand it here any more than anyone else, and he is well aware that a toe out of line could mean fade to black. But at least here, he knows that he and John are both alive. They’re alive. They have each other, and at least Gale isn’t alone. He clings desperately to these facts that he knows to be true. This could be worse.

Days pass, and hope is tangible in the barrack once again as the men gather around Gale, watching intently as he fiddles with the crystal radio that Bucky had spent days gathering the measly materials for. News from the front seems to be the only thing anyone really wants these days, short of being far, far away from here. It’s the only thing that carries any promise of an end. The only proof they can get that they aren’t stuck here for nothing, that their sacrifices are worth the pain they’ve endured. 

When Gale slams the headphone down on the table, he can’t believe he’s failed. The bubble of hope pops like a sad balloon.

When Bucky asks him one day if, when the weather clears (will it ever?), they should make a move, Gale tells him all but no. Tells him to find a plan with better odds. Tells him “my plan is to get home in one piece.” 

He remembers all too well the deadly state John was in when he stumbled into camp months ago. He remembers the sleepless nights spent trying to keep him alive. His own harrowing journey to the Stalag he barely lets himself think about. He has nightmares – about John dying on him, about hands and ropes around his own neck, about crashing through the sky in a tin can in flames, about being the only one left standing like a lost little kid in the street with no one to call home. Sometimes he feels like he’s holding on by a thread to the only sense of hope he has – the fact that they are both here and they are both still breathing. Beyond the fences of this camp, none of that would be guaranteed.

Bucky’s the opposite. Sure he has nightmares, just like everyone else in the sleepless night – about getting beaten to death in a burning town, about Buck’s plane going down, about hiding behind marsh grass with a gun just waiting to be killed, about everyone he loves getting taken out one by one until he’s alone with nowhere to go. This place, though, is not the answer. He’s damn sure of that. The Luftwaffe doesn’t care which of them lives and which of them dies, and Major John Egan is not about to stand by and let them use him – or, God forbid, Buck – as target practice. Why doesn’t Gale get it?

“You’ll die here in one piece,” Bucky tells him.

Gale stays quiet, and Bucky doesn’t even notice the way that he nervously grabs at the ring hanging on the chain around his neck. Gale clutches it for all it’s worth though. Why doesn’t Bucky get it? This could be worse.

They go on, living day to day but hardly living. They eat their rations and assemble for appel and try to sleep in rickety bunks and freezing cabins. Occasionally, Buck gets a letter from Marge: news from home, sending thoughts and prayers for him and John, telling trivial stories to make him smile. She’s even started including baseball stats and scores for Bucky to follow. Gale tries to get Bucky to read them, to maintain a connection with the outside world and understand that someone beyond these fences is thinking about him. John refuses, won’t even touch them. Gale writes Marge that he’s concerned about Bucky. Her heart breaks for them. 

None of the men can seem to find a balance between thinking of home and trying not to let the thinking drown them. 

They find ways to entertain themselves. Books, music, sports, the occasional play. Gale has started holding classes for some of the other POWs, teaching them about physics, mathematics, and astronomy. It feels good to learn just to learn, to understand something about the world that isn’t shrouded by the war. It’s Gale’s escape, his offering to the men who offered up there lives. Bucky used to love listening to Gale go on about these things, would look at Gale like he’d hung the stars himself, smile and kiss his nose and make him blush before insisting he keep talking. He could listen to Gale talk for hours, and Gale had rarely felt so loved.

Now Bucky leaves the room when Gale starts teaching about the beauty of their universe. He doesn’t want to hear it anymore. Somewhere deep within himself, it hurts too much. It doesn’t line up with the situation in which he’s found himself. He can’t stand the way he feels alone in a crowded room. He can’t stand accepting that this is who they are now, where they’re meant to stay. 

Sometimes, Gale will find him, will try to hold Bucky’s hand. He’s getting worried, doesn’t know what to do. Bucky tells him he’s fine, just needs some air, just needs some space. He’s just cold, just hungry, just tired, just angry at the fucking world. He’s fine. Gale tells him he loves him. Bucky doesn’t say it back.

He doesn’t feel right anymore. He hasn’t in a long time. He can’t say why. Words like depression aren’t commonplace yet.

Gale thinks it’s his fault.

After Gale manages to sand down the copper wire of the radio, he’s thrilled to hear actual transmissions coming through the headphone. The BBC, news from the front, their saving grace. Suddenly, the fact that they’re all stuck in this camp means something again. They went down swinging for something far bigger than themselves, and the allies had filled in the gaps. They hadn’t narrowly defeated death for nothing. The men scramble to start copying down and disseminating information, and the bubble of hope starts to grow. 

Something like that is awfully fragile, though. It ebbs and flows and hesitantly tries to fill the cold and musty corners of the barrack, wrap itself around these men like a blanket. It’s enough to keep them going, but never quite enough to keep them warm. To keep them sane. 

After dozens of men are executed for trying to escape the camp, that bubble bursts again. Things are about to get worse around here, not better, and Gale wonders if they should’ve taken a chance when they had it. Maybe they’d die trying, but maybe they’d die anyway. 

But Bucky tells Gale that he might’ve been right, they shouldn’t be so hasty with an escape after all. Gale has about two seconds to feel like maybe they’re on the same page again, maybe Bucky is finally coming back into himself. About two seconds of that hope he’s been trying to cling to. Then Bucky declares that he has nothing worth rushing home for anyways. 

Gale’s heart drops. The hope flies away, fading tendrils swirling in the air that he can’t quite keep a grip on. He wants to scream, aren’t I enough? 

How many days and nights had they spent dreaming about a future? About a life after the war? It’s enough for Gale to hold onto, but his gut twists as he wonders if the private vows they’d made to each other before they shipped out, the rings they’d had engraved and carefully gifted to one another, had been nothing but words and hunks of metal. What the hell had happened to I made it home to you? Did it all mean so little to Bucky, now? Did Gale mean so little? 

Sometimes the words you don’t say hurt the most. He tells Bucky that it’s just this place getting to him, but he doesn’t know how much he believes it. For the first time since Bucky made it back to him, Gale starts to feel alone.

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Continue reading on AO3

[whitepeachrum]

Kiss

Fandom: Hetalia (personified) Pairing: Arthur x Kat (EngUkr/UkrEng) Content Length: Chapter (~1500 words)

“You ready yet, my love?” Arthur looked at Kat through the hallway mirror as he fidgeted with his tie. He’d been wearing his ties to work all week and absolutely hated how suffocating he’d felt in them. He would’ve loved to rip the stupid fabric off his neck but decided to hold out for the night. He just knew that Kat would get a big kick out of taking it off his neck later tonight and, honestly, so would he. For that, he was willing to endure his suffering a bit longer. 

“Almost.” Her earrings dangled as her head swiveled to look at him. "Need some help with your tie there?"

“No, it’s fine. I can do it myself. Just keep working on your makeup.” He waved his hand and worked on evening out his askew tie. It was always something that had to be imperfect.

“Alright, I'll do just that,” Kat spoke softly. She returned to gingerly apply her makeup in front of the mirror. Kat looked to confirm that her eyeliner was more or less even on both eyes and carried on to layer her lip products as Arthur continued to play with his tie. He must’ve been nervous about their upcoming date. She smirked to herself, finding it charming that he still got nervous before their dates.

Arthur’s eyes darted to her mirrored image, admiring the way she looked so effortless when she applied her lip balm. It looked so much easier than tying a tie. Just one or two swipes and she was done. He loved the simplicity of it all. He especially loved it when she dispersed the product over her lips and gently smacked them together. It was mesmerizing to watch her lips squish and plump out to their natural elasticity. As she started removing some stray product with the tip of her nails, Arthur snapped out of his sudden trance and looked back at himself.

“Ah, goddamn it,” he muttered. He had been mindlessly undoing his tedious work. Kat glanced at his reflection and turned around to help him with the tie. He sighed and let her take care of the mess he's made for himself. Screw this tie.

“Are your fingers tying themselves into a knot?” Kat chuckled.

“Yeah, seems like it.” Arthur nodded, asserting that his flustered state was wreaking havoc on his digits. Something about the idea of getting dressed and slicking your hair back once in a blue moon made him anxious.

“You smell nice, honey. Did you get a new cologne?”

“I did. I thought I’d switch things up a bit for tonight.” 

She brought her nose to his neck and took a whiff of his cologne. It seemed to smell like bergamot and... lemon? No. Kat checked again. Orange? Grapefruit? Well, whatever it was, she just couldn't get enough of it.

“Oh, it’s so good. Wow..” 

Arthur looked into her sparkly eyes as she leaned back, noticing how big her pupils had become when she looked back at him. He adjusted her bangs so that they weren’t in her eyes when she did. It was like looking into an ocean that beautifully glistened from the setting sun: peaceful and stunning.

“Good. I’ll be sure to wear it more often.” Kat hummed contently in response. She gently pulled him close by the ends of his tie, kissed his lips, and smiled. She was so excited to spend date night with him. Arthur, on the other hand, couldn’t wait to get back home to get more of her kisses.

“You look so handsome tonight,” Kat commented on his attire, patting down his lapels after finishing with his tie. He slid his hands around her waist and kissed her neck. It's a good thing she didn't put any of her makeup there. He just didn't have the heart to ruin her diligent work.

“And you, my dear, look absolutely ravishing.” She gently pushed off of his chest. Kat hoped to get away from his warm hug quickly before either one of them decided to cancel date night altogether, but her actions only made him bring her closer to him. He gave her a firm squeeze and kissed her neck again.

“Arthur,” Kat chuckled at his reaction, “We’re going to be late for dinner!”

“I think they could wait for a few more minutes.”

“Mm. Tempting,” she pecked him back on the lips, “but no. If we want to make it to dinner, I have to finish getting ready.” He looked at his watch to see how much time they had left.

“You’re lucky I love you enough to let you go…” Arthur sighed and gave her butt a gentle, loving pat. She slipped out of his embrace and returned to the mirror to finish up her makeup. After taking a moment to gawk over his wife, he looked at himself in the mirror one last time and groaned.

“Great.” Off-center again. You know what? If Kat couldn’t fix it, chances are this tie was doomed from the start. He moved the tie side to side, gently loosening it. He was fed up with the damn thing.

Kat noted his irritation and decided to distract him from his festering thoughts by including him in her makeup process. She quickly swatched two colors on the back of her hand and turned to face him.

“Which should I go with? Glossy or matte?” Kat showed him two red-colored options. Arthur inspected the swatches and was intrigued that she was going with such a bold color for the evening. The two didn’t vary much in color, but the sheen for one was the polar opposite of the other. He debated which one of these he’d want to be branded with later. Gloss was sticky, but matte was harder to remove… Mm. 

“This is a tough decision, Kat.”

“Well, yeah. That’s why I asked you.”

“Hmm.” He brought her hand up to her lips so he could compare the colors better. The gloss would glide on smoothly, but the matte lipstick would look sharper… “I’m thinking the gloss will be good for tonight. Easier to fix if anything.” 

“Gloss it is.” She applied the product generously without looking in the mirror to save some time. 

“Maybe I should’ve said matte,” Arthur said to himself, second-guessing things.

“How is it? Is it even?” Arthur glanced at the application and nodded.

“Almost perfect.” He picked up a clean tissue and carefully cleaned up anything that stood out. The more he stared at the color, the more he noticed all the different little specks of gold and silver glitter that made her lips look even juicer than before. If they weren’t late, he would’ve loved to take a bite or two.

Arthur subconsciously smacked his lips together in thought and Kat grinned at the little mannerism he picked up from her. It was refreshing to see him put this much care and effort into her new rouge.

“Does it look better now?” She rubbed her lips together to tease him some more.

“Ah. Yeah, it looks great,” he pulled away from her, wiping the lip balm she left on his lips earlier with the napkin, and tossing the used tissue into the bin by the mirror. Arthur put his hands on his waist and re-assessed the makeup combination with her strappy black dress and shiny jewelry. “You look great. Really great, actually.” The matte lipstick probably would’ve looked even better. Damn it.

“I wonder how it would look on you.”

"On me? I don't wear lip gloss like you do."

Kat swiftly planted a kiss on his cheek and took a step back to admire her artwork. Her smile grew wider as she watched Arthur’s face flush from the accessory he sported on his cheek.

“You’re right, darling. It does look great. Reaaally great.” Kat beamed, extremely proud of ruffling some of his feathers. His eyes darted to the mirror behind her and he caught a glimpse of his pink face. He had completely forgotten about the tie by now. He was much more focused on stopping himself from blushing further.

Arthur wanted to hate it for how cheesy it was of her to brand him like that, but he loved that she made him feel like his teenage self. Specifically, the teenage self that showed up to their first date looking like a trainwreck. His flush deepened as he realized how ridiculous he would look in the public eye. But hell, he loved the affectionate stamp. He never thought his date would proudly leave kiss marks on his face like that. It felt like something out of a movie or a dream.

“Should we head out now?” Kat asked, grabbing her little purse and checking for the car keys. Arthur didn’t know what to say or do. He didn’t want to hurt her feelings by ruining her masterpiece, but he didn’t want to leave the ruby residue on his face for the world to see.

“Uh..”

“..What?” she asked innocently, looking over her shoulder. He shyly pointed to his cheek, then returned his hand to his waist, and mumbled something. She raised an eyebrow and smirked. Did he call it a beauty mark? He cleared his throat and looked back at her, waiting for her to do something about it.

“Oh? Did I leave a mark?”

“…Yeah.. Mark..”

“Oh, sorry about that. Let me fix it for you.” She gave his other cheek a matching stain. Arthur’s hand flew over his nose and mouth as he tried to contain his flustered self. He felt his heart working hard to quickly pump the blood to his face as she toyed with his emotions. It didn’t help that she looked so adorable when she played him like that, cocky smile and all. Why did it have to be a bright crimson?! He would've been fine with a peachy gloss!

“I’ll drive tonight, so you can look at the menu in the meantime. We don’t want to waste any more time, do we?” Kat cutely lifted her shoulders and walked out to go to the car. Arthur’s gaze lingered on her, his heart swelling with affection as he watched her leave.

When Kat noticed he wasn’t following, she turned with a huff and made her way back to him. Grabbing him by his tie, she playfully tugged him along.

“Come on. Don't make me help you with this tie again. I only know how to untie it.”

Arthur’s teenage self would’ve combusted if he knew how his love life was going to turn out.