#he started saying bizarre things that didn't completely make sense

[djevelbl]

I went back to rewatch the guy's (Frostbyte Freeman on yt, btw) video - more specifically, the part where he talks about Whitepine - to see if I'd misinterpreted anything, taken his words out of context in a bout of misdirected anger and a sense of offense at his opinion, had completely missed the point by nitpicking some obscenely specific issue as a gotcha! moment, anything, really. It feels bizarrely weird, I guess, to be so hung up on this random dude's words, vague-posting about it on a platform I'm not entirely sure he's even on or not (it's a toss-up, really) and going slightly off the rails in anger at his (perceived, of course) stupidity; so, I went back to hear his opinion on the series again, especially when in contrast to the other two. Kinda to say one last thing, and then let the topic die. The thing is, he never spoke of Whitepine's story - it was always the artistic intention, the clear love put behind its creation, the color palette, the cinematography. Never the story. Which, y'know, you'd expect would be the point of discussing minecraft storytelling? And he hides behind calling the process of explaining Whitepine and its nuances as "doing it a disservice" - well, I don't give a fuck about "doing it a disservice", because if you're doing a video essay on the fucking topic of minecraft STORYTELLING you better be ready to talk about the fucking STORY, GENIUS; so, what's Whitepine's story? ... Kinda hard to say. The wiki says it is: "a minecraft series developed by IvoryTV and posted on YouTube, where a newly hired maid is tasked with taking care of the members of the Hemlocke Family and to prioritize their every need. However, what was suppose to be a normal job turned disastrous as the maid's next day was struck by the tragedy of a murder case in the Whitepine Estate." Which is true, the story is a period drama and a murder mystery - Frosty over here decides to use different words, however:

"Whitepine is a 2024 period drama serial written and directed by IvoryTV. It is the story of a mysterious young woman (maid) assigned to work for a wealthy manor that is, if not literally, then figuratively haunted by shadows of the past - hers, and everyone else's."

Personally I find that interesting cuz like, while it's implied that's the case (in terms of the "shadows of the past" comment) I have no idea where in the fuck he got that from - except maybe he came up with it?? He's SO wordy oh my god, half the time I didn't get what tf he was talking about. My point is: he could've used the official description, he could've omitted mentioning the murder if he was OH SO INSISTENT on not spoiling anything, yet instead uses a description that puts more emphasis on aspects of the series BARELY EVEN EXPLORED RIGHT NOW instead of on the oh idk FUCKING MURDER???? He goes around willy-nilly speaking of certain aspects of the story while willfully concealing others in the name of "not spoiling the experience".

And my biggest problem with the inclusion of Whitepine as one of the three different stories he wanted to comment on, is the fact that Whitepine is barely starting - it doesn't have enough of anything right now to call a story beyond the first foundations of it, and no matter how pretty it looks or how beautiful the songs are, if your story has no, well, story then it doesn't matter. It's empty. I don't say this as a critique to the series itself - again, barely starting; I don't like punching under the belt - but more as a critique to the tunnel vision that Frosty was exhibiting as he wrote the script out; doesn't it make you wonder if, at ANY POINT of his video creating process, he read over the Whitepine section and thought "hm. is it appropriate to talk about a series with only 2 episodes (as of making that video) and not a lot of story, bc I think it's pretty?" cuz I sure as all hell wished he did

I just. what was the point? Whitepine doesn't have enough story right now to be thrown into an analysis with stories like Unstable Universe (which is WELL underway) and Parkour Civilization (which is LITERALLY FINISHED), and do it justice - it has its character moments and beautiful music, it has its great cinematography and intriguing mystery, but story? No. Not right now. And it's just because it was started a few months ago - I'm sure that in time it's gonna be the next best story that has ever been recorded in Minecraft, no doubt. But until that happens: if I ever see this guy on the street I'm giving him the london treatmen, if you will /j

Also just finished watching a video that made me ACTUALLY ANNOYED at the guy who made it and like. ok if you don't want a story told through Minecraft that is made through the lens of content creation in ANY capacity then don't??? watch stories told through Minecraft????? Cuz like. they're mostly like that; even parkciv which is still good IS done through a content creation viewpoint — either as a parody on the medium it was being told through (scripted Minecraft content/Minecraft storytelling) or just as a result of telling the story and like. needing to pay the bills or whatever is a bit up in the air I guess BUT STILL. don't sing praises to a series that's GREAT in all cinematography aspects that JUST SO HAPPENS to be told through Minecraft all the while you're saying "oooh Minecraft storytelling shouldn't be scared of being called cringe just bc it's embracing roleplay to tell it's narrative, it shouldn't pretend to be non-scripted when it so clearly is" which true, JUST TO THEN critique parkciv for...

*checks notes*

... Embracing its medium AND its limitations to tell its story, JUST bc it didn't necessarily strive to be groundbreaking??? What??????

From what I understand, the series the guy was singing praises to like it was his own child at the local school's dance recital, Whitepine (which I'm currently watching so I'll just come back to this once I've finished — let's see if I'll eat my words [doubt it]) is GREAT in terms of visuals, audio and the likes — it obviously takes great care in forming its atmosphere and from the little I've seen the youtubers are genuinely being actors, not just their normal selves masquerading as characters (something that, admittedly, happens A LOT in scripted Minecraft content/Minecraft storytelling like SMPs or solo series [I'm looking at you, later half of the DSMP]). But it isn't Minecraft storytelling — in my opinion, at least.

Minecraft storytelling implies that it includes Minecraft and its mechanics in some way, shape or form that becomes impactful to the story that is being told — it isn't just a REALLY good story that just so happens to use Minecraft as its movie set. This, ultimately, is why I think the guy was wrong — not necessarily in the idea that the stories he critiqued had more room to grow (which parkciv at least does. I haven't watched ParrotX2's Unstable Universe videos and I don't really plan to; they're not my thing) but in what "Minecraft storytelling" should strive to be.

I have a vivid memory — trust me, this is related — of when I was younger (they say, like she's an octogenarian instead of not even being halfway through his lifetime. anyway) having played Minecraft Murder Mystery with my friends in the playground bc I really REALLY liked Gona89's video series on it. This is like, not really the same storytelling but they did have a sort of story — the chemistry between the youtubers felt like watching a series of characters interact with one another, and certain jokes from one video would seamlessly move into the next as well.

And y'know what? IT DIDN'T FUCKING WORK — playing the thing in the playground, that is. Because the thing wasn't made for that; stories have their medium of expression because they're tailored to it, or the medium is tailored to that story — if your Minecraft story can be told perfectly fine when divorced from its primary medium of expression (Minecraft), then it's LITERALLY not a Minecraft story: it just happens to use the game as the backdrop

... Kinda like The Lego Movie: a lot of the mechanics within the movie CANNOT be divorced from lego that easily BECAUSE it's a fucking LEGO MOVIE — partially related but not really the point of this rant: this is why A Minecraft Movie's trailer fucking FLOPPED. It showed absolutely NO POINT in being made bc it's NOT a Minecraft movie (pun accidentally stumbled upon but I shall confidently roll with it, actually), instead it JUST SO HAPPEN to use the videogame as its set.

TLDR: IF YOUR STORY DOESN'T INCLUDE MECHANICAL ELEMENTS THAT ARE INTRINSICAL TO THE GAME YOU USE TO TELL IT, THEN SAID GAME IS JUST THE FUCKING SET. IT'S NOT A MINECRAFT MOVIE JUST BC IT HAPPENS TO BE RECORDED IN MINECRAFT FOR FUCK'S SAKE

[codexbrainhasbrokenfreee]

The more he tries to explain the less comprehensible it gets

[twizzie-lairs]

My Darling, My Honey

Alastor X Fem!Reader (Part 5)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

Quick Notes:

This is when both reader/you and Alastor are both alive. (... we'll probably end up in hell later on btw so stay tuned...)

Reader is an artist/painter.

Part 5:

It was almost pure bliss.

Except many months later, you found out a secret of his one day.

He was an exceptional chef, you were always in awe of how he cooked such magnificent dishes every day.

But one day, you peeked out into the forest through the window in the living room and saw Alastor standing alone, covered in blood. Your first instinct was to run outside, so you did just that.

You rush to his side and ask if he's okay, and what had happened to make him covered in such copious amounts of blood.

He blinks a few times before oddly turning his head to you, breaking out of his stupor, "Oh my dearest (y/n), do not fret so. For I am only acquiring our dinner for tonight!"

You look down at what he is holding in his hands. Your hand shot up to cover your mouth. A leg. A human leg. Your eyes then trail to the ground where you see a bloody human body, mangled beyond recognition. "This is.. dinner?"

A large grin appears on Alastor's face, "Quite right! This one should be enough to last us through the week!"

He looks at your face with an almost vicious look to his eyes, awaiting your response anxiously, not that he would let that show, anyways.

All you can manage is "Oh. Okay." Before you walk back inside the house without another word.

It's no exaggeration to say that your brain chemistry was permanently altered from that moment onward.

The situation felt so strange and bizarre, you didn't know what to think. Part of you knew that was he's been doing is extremely horrible and corrupt. It almost made you empty the contents of your stomach, it didn't feel real.

It didn't feel real, but suddenly some of Alastor's behaviors started to make sense. His picky taste for food...He never let you help with cooking, you had chalked it up to him being more of a perfectionist, but now... you know its more than that. He was hiding the fact that he was butchering and preparing human flesh, right in your very home, all this time.

But.. for some reason... all you could think about was how dedicated he was to providing a comfortable life for you, because he truly loved you. Everything he did every day showed you that you mattered and that you deserved only the best.

"But I still love him with all my heart... maybe I'm just as messed up..." Was a sentence your mind kept repeating to itself for quite some time.

Your appetite shrinks after the initial shock for a few days, but you were never one to skip meals or have your appetite be gone completely, even if you were sick. In this instance, you weren't sure if it was a blessing or a curse in this case.

The meals he made for you had never made you sick in the past, so your body was already used to eating his cooking, and he made such amazing food, carefully crafted with such love and attention to detail, you couldn't help but keep eating his delicious cooking, no matter how bizarre and immoral it was.

"I think I really am just as messed up..." The thought crossed your mind again, but thoughts were interrupted by a rare occurrence, a kiss on the cheek from Alastor as he set your plate down in front of you.

The fact that you never stopped eating his cooking and always thanked him for his food and hard work, even after knowing where the main ingredient comes from, solidified the fact that you were the one. You loved him even after seeing him all bloody, holding a dismembered corpse, and telling you it was dinner. It was this pivotal moment that he knew, that you were the one to be his beloved forever.

In the coming weeks, things went back to "normal". You were settling into the new normal, as Alastor didn't hide the meal prep like he used to, and seeing him bloody and bringing in mysterious cuts of meat into the house became a normal sight to you.

One night when you were going to see Mimzy, Alastor informed you that he was unable to escort you that night. You were a little disappointed, but he assured you it was okay for you to go, it was just that he had plans that he wouldn't divulge any information on, no matter how much you pressed him.

Little did you know, but that night, Alastor was out on the town shopping for the perfect ring to propose to you with.

-> Part 6

[eldritch-spouse]

Relax, I know he's big and the phalluses are uh, intimidating but the subject is extremely docile. Who knew aliens would be so–why is he out of containment?

You're frozen. Catatonic.

You remember watching videos of animals in the wild becoming completely unresponsive when approached by predators, how the only thing you could see were their eyes, wide and frantic, and their chests heaving as they seemed to be praying to survive.

Those videos were so funny, right? Well, you're not laughing now...

The lifeform, the alien, the creature you had yet to see, that they'd been easing you into the idea of meeting so that it wouldn't be a colossal shock- Just effortlessly tore down the pressurized, extremely high-tech door to its cell. You didn't even know those doors could come flying off like that.

In seconds, mere stunned moments, the entity you can't even call a monster is staring you down. He's giant, truly, but gaunt like a beanstalk, all flowing limbs and unearthly elegance. You can't count the tentacles that comprise his lower body, you can't focus on the fins of his extremely human arms, the bizarre depressions on his chest area, and the only reason you know him as male is because of the mention of phalluses.

Curiously, he doesn't look hostile.

But he's very much focused on you, and that's not ideal.

It's as if he sensed you through the cell, somehow, and that caught his attention.

A large, water-filled glass dome envelops his head, but you can still very much sense those glazed eyes studying you from top to bottom. Like any human would, he procures eye contact before attempting to communicate.

But unfortunately, he doesn't converse in a language you can gouge.

A myriad of croons envelop the room, these soft tingling sounds that feel just barely within reach of your eardrums. The... Appendage, sprouting from the top of his head sways, an assortment of warm hues gently fading in and out.

Pink. Orange. Pink. Maroon. Pink. Shock pink. White. Pink blinking.

What is this, Simon Says?

He leans down, and trembling, you glance at the intern beside you in a desperate plea for help.

They look utterly fascinated by the interaction. Panicked, but amazed. You have no idea whether or not that's good for you.

Finally, they seem to come to their senses and realize that you are probably seconds away from pissing yourself if nothing is done.

" Okay. Okay- Listen to me. " They start murmuring, an audible gulp follows. Your eyes twitch to the worker, but you don't dare stare at them long enough to lose track of the literal alien.

" Like I said, he's very docile. There's no reason for him to attack you right now. In fact he's... Nevermind. "

What the fuck do they mean nevermind?!

" I need you to not move too suddenly, and don't scream, okay? "

You nod quietly, looking at the still pink-flashing light above their head. He dangles it in front of his face, as close to the glass as he can, as if to make sure you're getting the message. You hope pink signifies friendliness.

" What- What do I do now? " You whisper.

The intern looks at you like they themself aren't quite sure.

" U- Uhm... Let- Let me contact my- "

Out of nowhere, what you can only call a bark of noise rings out through the room.

This extremely loud sound that immediately frightens you, sharp and rough like a branch cracking but amplified a thousand times. Even now, it feels like it's still echoing within your eardrums.

Did he do that? Did something in the building just break?!

You shrieked, because of course you did, eyes nearly bulging out your skull when you realize the employee told you specifically not to scream.

They're looking at you with a tight-lipped grimace, finger poised over what you presume is a contact on their phone.

There isn't even time for you to say your last words, some kind of message for your family or even just a plea for help.

The alien reacts to your agitated noise quickly, but not at all in the way you'd expect. Instead of perhaps lunging to crack your neck like a twig or slashing your face off, the entity grabs you with both arms by the chest, lifts you into the air, and slides inside the cell it was previously contained in. The clutch is what prevented you from screaming again.

Once again, you channel the wisdom of prey animals in nature documentaries by staying absolutely stock still, and allowing the foreign lifeform to do whatever it wants. He keeps flashing colors at you in patterns you don't recognize, but involve a lot of pink tones. Purple now. Long and pudgy looking digits start poking at your outfit here and there, and you spot something rippling under the mass of his front, along that large opening you had never given much thought to until now.

It looks like something's bursting out of him...

Oh God, oh fuck what is that-

You blink, open-mouthed, at what has to be a dick. Some kind of wriggling, prehensile appendage tipped with a much too human-looking phallus. It flattens against your midsection, and you shudder in confusion. Confusion that soon grows into barely contained hysteria as more bizarre and unique extremities keep slithering out of his insides- What is he, made of cocks?

" S- Some help here?! " You finally manage to nearly sob out.

The worker is frantically trying to appease someone on the other end of their phone, picking at their collar while they watch you get vaguely harassed by an excited extraterrestrial.

" No, no sir he's never done that before- I-... No, I didn't- Sir, he tore the whole door off I can't just lock- " Their eyes widen as more hues of purple keep being flashed your way, like something horrendous is about to happen. " Get- Please get here quickly, I'm begging you! "

By the time they hurriedly mash the end call button and try to stuff their phone into a tight uniform, the alien already gently pried most of your shirt off, cooing some kind of melody that fails to lull you into calmness, which is understandable when a variety of reproductive organs are hovering far too close to your bare skin. Some of them are so... Strange. There's no stopping the thoughts of how they might be used.

Footsteps sound, and as soon as the worker tries to get within grabbing range of you, an already ballsy move in your eyes, the subject makes another powerful sound, the depressions in his chest vibrating while you groan in pain.

The filament in the alien's head swells significantly, blasting a color that your brain simply fails to comprehend, seeing it as a flash of pure black that momentarily blinds you before you have the wisdom to look away, trembling in his grasp.

The employee makes some kind of pained noise, you can hear the squeaking of their shoes as they run out the room and...

Leave you to your own devices.

Lord help you.

[teewritessmth]

Arranged Marriage

(Part 01 / ?)

(Niko Omilana x f! reader)

Warnings : None

Summary : In order to be the grateful daughter, you have to comply with your father's request. But what is it?

"WHAT!?!!?", you stand up abruptly, question whether you had misheard the sentence.

"Y/n, you're gonna listen to your father, we're not going to argue over something as trivial as this". Your stepmum, Ryona, interjects rudely as she pulls a chair and sits down.

"TRIVIAL?", you exclaim.

Why did she care, you ask? Nope, I don't know either.

"Dad, why are you doing this? I mean give me a proper reason at least. You can't spring up a topic this serious and tell me to go with it." You try pleading with your dad, but he remains unfazed at your outburst.

"We've always wanted the best for you y/n. I've given you everything you wanted, done everything you asked me to. And when I tell you to say yes... You question me as your father?"

Your eyes drop to the floor. It was true. Your father was an amazing man and an even better parent. A sense of shame crawls through your spine as you realise just how much you owe him. He had done so much for you, yet you couldn't agree to one thing he had asked?

"Dad please, this is so stupid. I don't want to be married right now. I just started my career-", you reason.

"Making little videos isn't a fucking career, Y/n. Maybe you're pulling a few hundred dollars here and there, but that doesn't mean that this is a stable job. Do you even know how embarrassing it is to tell people that our daughter makes 'videos' on the internet. I mean even the phrasing of it is absolutely hysterical and shameful!" Ryona finishes her comment with a quick glance at her husband, motioning for him to speak.

"Y/n, please... ", Your dad looks at you with hopeful eyes. What you failed to notice was how that man's eyes filled up with tears as you sighed and started walking towards your room.

.

.

.

The following week was uncomfortable. Whenever you came down for breakfast, they'd stop talking. They'd drop whatever the hell the were doing and wander off somewhere else. I mean, you were used to Ryona pulling shit like this all the damn time, but not your dad.

He avoided you like the plague. This had gone to such an extent that the old man couldn't bear to be in the same room with you, avoiding your eyes everytime you tried to speak.

Perhaps it was how they treated you, or perhaps how that bizarre idea had implanted itself into your head. You weren't interested in anyone, and god forbid to say that you didn't have any personal goals to hit. You'd love to have a family, you'd love to have someone at home, just for the sake of it. You'd build the family you could never get as a child.

But how?

The were talking about marrying you off.

Or that's how you heard it.

Yeah, Definitely marrying you off.

But how does an option like that sound so much better than living in this hell hole.

Fucking hell.

It's been one month, that your dad and your stepmum have completely iced you out.

.

.

.

"I'll do it". You state, matter of factly, raising an eyebrow as your 'parents' turn towards you. They weren't gullible, they knew what you wanted to say.

"Y-you'll marry him? You'll marry Nikolas!", Your dad pulls you into a bone-crushing hug which you don't return. How could he be so happy at the thought of his wife sending their child away to a man they don't even know.

Well, they know him. You don't.

He's the son of your dad's bestfriend. Of course the know each other to an extent.

Whatever.

You had dug your own grave, might as well get it over with.

"But, I can't just say that I'll get married to him? He has to agree in order-".

"The boy has agreed a month ago. It was YOU who kept stalling the wedding. How long were you planning on doing this? Don't you see that we have an image to maintain? Now stop your wailing and mentally prepare yourself. You'll both get married in a week's time. I'm calling the Omilanas and confirming". Ryona makes herself very clear, making it painfully obvious that they were going to get you married forcefully if you didn't agree otherwise. Or else how could they manage a whole venue within such an acute time frame?

You nod weakly and head back upstairs, feeling defeated. Your future was written already, your yes meant NOTHING.

.

.

.

You've heard of him. He's big on YouTube, people in his comments often ask him to collab with you. You'd be lying if you said your comments said otherwise.

Oh how'd the internet would have an absolute field trip if they found out that their two favorite creators were about to me married.

Well....married for the sake of marrying.

Married for the sake of a title.

Married for the sake of your father.

You look at the dress and accessories you had picked out and sigh into your hands. It was happening.

Your wedding..........was tomorrow.

[bugsbenefit]

seeing a "Mike is completely oblivious to his feelings and doesn't know he's in love with Will" take float on my dash from the wild and... i'm sorry i hate this interpretations so much. everyone can see things differently, but Mike having no clue of his own feelings makes absolutely no sense with what we see on screen to me. none

if this is ranty ignore little old me, i just need to complain today lmao

not only does Mike pause to look at Will's lips multiple times, which you could maybe argue he just doesn't realize anymore (doubtful since it's not something he's always done, it only started in s3 which is less than a full year away from s4 canonically)

there's also the whole fact that nothing else of his s4 conflict would make sense anymore. if Mike didn't know he didn't love El, what was he worried about telling her then, that she wouldn't like the truth of? it can't be that he loves her because he knows she would like that. Mike has to consciously be aware of something he knows he should tell El, but can't, because he's scared of how she'll take it

the same also goes for the sbp scene where Mike looks back at Will, shocked or conflicted, because Will is pushing him to confess to El. the initial shock would be inappropriate if Mike was already planning to tell El he loved her anyways and had no idea he actually loved Will

it also means that Mike didn't intentionally lie during the monologue with is almost more egregious because we saw Mike talk to the other's about sending El to Pennhurst with 0 concerns. he didn't know El overheard that so it might be something he thinks El could believe. but he himself would remember that he didn't "fall in love with her that moment", saying otherwise just makes Mike look like the dumbest, most unaware character in the whole show by far. not even just the show, it would probably make him one of the most oblivious characters out of Any show i can think of right now actually

it would also make no sense why we're completely barred from Mike's inner feelings during the monologue. if Mike genuinely believed what he was saying we'd be allowed to know his thoughts, since they wouldn't spoil anything yet. but alas, not only does Finn keep his lips sealed, even the rough drafts from three years ago skip over his internal feelings or thoughts completely which is extremely unusual for an emotional monologue of this importance and magnitude

everything else aside, the idea that Mike would just. not realize. he's queer and in love with his best friend is kind of bizarre to me. it really plays into the fanon version of Mike who is inhumanly oblivious and stupid. because canon Mike is actually not that bad with feelings, he can articulate himself if he wants to and he can pick up on and explain complex emotions he himself feels all the way back in s1. saying that Mike is genuinely too oblivious to realize his feelings isn't at all in line with his canon characterization

and besides it not making sense for his character. it's also a nonsensical choice from a writers perspective. if Mike would genuinely be unaware of his feelings for Will and his queerness; Byler would be rushed. i'm excited for Byler as much as the next person but this would be a horrible way to go about it. because s5 would then need to include:

Mike realizing he's not in love with El

Mike realizing he's queer

Mike dealing with the consequences of being queer in the 80s/coming to terms with said queerness to the point he feels comfortable acting on it

Mike realizing he's in love with Will

Mike and El finally breaking up

Mike and Will confessing to each other and getting together

that is an absurd amount of things to cram into a single seasons and essentially a character 180 in 8ish episodes. and all these points also need space and time to breathe to sit well with the audience. having Mike realize he's not in love with El and realize he's in love with Will would need a significant pause in between to feel good for the audience, but there's only so much time left. that will feel rushed no matter how well you write it. if they just revealed Mike being queer and in love with Will to the audience while having him already be aware of it we'd skip steps 1-4 on this list. the audience getting new information and recontextualizing things that already happened takes significantly less time than having a character go through the realizations first hand since that takes more development time

at this point, there's no way to write Mike realizing he's queer from scratch well with only one season left. there just isn't. especially with the amount of plot we need to cover in s5, the action, and all the other characters that need solid endings. opening a whole new can of worms for Mike is counterproductive. last seasons close character arcs, they don't kick new one's up that would take forever to properly flesh out

the thing that just really bothers me about this whole, "Mike doesn't know yet, he's oblivious" narrative, besides making little sense from a writer's pov and directly contradicting his canon character. is also that most takes just read extremely belittling. because a lot of people who say this seem to be aware that there won't be time to properly explore Mike's character or feelings like this. and they're fine with it because Mike will just be "Will's boyfriend", and only Will needs to come to terms with his queerness, Mike doesn't need an arc. and it's weird. the idea that Mike will have his whole queer realization in s5 hinges on the fact that Mike's character isn't important enough to get a fully fleshed out arc/time to naturally move from point A to point B, and that he'll just go from one relationship to the next with no problems

[that-weeb-in-ur-closet]

It’s the voices anon, write how a normal day for any of the bsd characters (you choose) would start, but then it gets more and more bizarre and weird and they’re going crazy. Maybe with some crossovers too.

Also imma put a name for myself bc I CAN.

- 🚁💥 anon

That's basically just BSD in general, but yk what, why not ♡ thanks 🚁💥 anon !

I don't really understand the prompt but it's a good one, so

I'll start with...

Osamu D. ★★★☆★★★

As Dazai wakes up calmly in his futon, he looks around. Everything is in place. Everything is how he left it before he went to sleep. The empty bottle of wine from a year ago still on the floor. His work clothes hanging on the closet door. His bandages on his desk. Some guns randomly splayed across his room. And of course, the rope hanging from the ceiling.

It's completely normal.

So, what does he do? He gets up with a yawn, stretching out his arms and standing up. He takes off his shirt and starts unwrapping his bandages to put on new ones like he usually does, tossing the old ones in the trash as he wraps himself up.

Once he's done, he hears a knock on the window. He looks over with a "hm...?" To see a woman with a camera and microphone, screaming, "Sir, Sir!! Are you the one who keeps trying to kill himself and failing?" She yells, voice muffled through the glass.

He blinks. A few more times. Before a confused grin forms on his face as he walks over and opens the window. "This chick climbed up the building? I'm on the second floor..."

"Yeah, that's me! The infamous Osamu Dazai!"

He exclaims excitedly, grabbing one of the shirts that's lying on the floor to put it on. When he glances over the woman's shoulder, he sees a huge crowd of people bickering with cameras, notepads, etc. When I say huge, I mean at least a hundred.

He's absolutely stunned. How... Did this happen? No, what's happening in general?

"Sir—" "Dazai-!" "Will you," "Do you think—" "That boy is-"

The crowd mutters among themselves, writing things down while pointing the cameras at him. One person shouts louder than everyone, marching through the crowd.

"WHAT IS EVERYBODY DOING HERE?! LEAVE AT ONCE!!" As Dazai looks down, he sees Kunikida. He's extremely confused now. At first, he thought this was a joke, but after seeing Kunikida, he knew it wasn't.

After a minute of staring blankly, he closes the window and goes back inside, staring at his wall while thinking. "Is this because of the Port Mafia? No, she mentioned Suicide... Maybe it is?... Whatever."

He thinks to himself before he shakes his head, walking downstairs and to the office and looking at everybody. He sees Kunikida sitting at his desk, doing paperwork and immediately is even more confused. He looks out the window and the people are completely gone. Not a trace of them. Now he's slightly panicked.

"..... Good morning, Kunikida...." He mutters, not in his usual energetic and teasing tone, which makes Kunikida look up from his papers, raising a brow. "Good morning to you too, Dazai?" He says, going back to work.

Dazai just keeps blinking, standing in place. Which causes Atsushi to look over at him, tilting his head. "Are you okay, Mr. Dazai?"

Dazai pauses, seeing how everyone is being normal, just sighs and smiles. "Of course, I am! Why do you ask that~?"

"Well... Because you kinda have a rope around your neck–" Atsushi stops and sighs, seeing as that makes a lot of sense, since it's Dazai.

Dazai, on the other hand, stops smiling and feels his neck. There's a thick rope wrapped around it, wrapped pretty tight, but he doesn't feel any pressure on his neck whatsoever. He didn't put that rope on. "O-o-oh, I do, h-huh? Y-yeah, I guess I do..." He says, the panic clear in his tone. He didn't know what the fuck was going on anymore. He just woke up...

"Dazai, do you wanna go get some suicides with me?" Ranpo speaks up, leaning back in his chair with food in his hands.

"S-some... Some whats?" He asks, messing with the rope that's around his neck, eyes wide.

"No, Ranpo, you've had too many suicides! Don't trick Dazai into doing it with you!" Yosano pipes up, glaring at Ranpo.

"... Where am I?" Dazai asks, looking around. Everyone is quite clearly who they are. The Agency is the exact same. But Everything is weird. Why was there a crowd outside his window? Why was there a rope around his neck? Why was Ranpo talking about suicide?

He asks, looking around. Everyone looks at him like he's crazy, which he's starting to think he is....

A voice pulls him out of his thoughts, but he can't figure out where it's coming from. "Dazai... Dazai, wake up..."

"But... I am awake..."

"Dazai, open your eyes, come on..."

"My eyes are open...."

He thinks before a sudden pain in his cheek makes him jump out of what is happening. When he does, he's in a white room, lying in a bed. Nobody, but the nurses and doctors are there. There was no pain in his cheek. Or rope around his neck. Or crowd. Or Ranpo. Just doctors and nurses.

"Ah, you're awake. You ate some poisonous mushrooms and landed in the hospital. Please, don't be alarmed." The nurse speaks.

"Mushrooms... OH !! THE MUSHROOMS!! Another failed suicide attempt..."

"Don't be alarmed, huh? Well, the only thing that alarms me is your beauty, Belladonna~"

(This was my first time writing anything but smut for anime, so tell me how I did!! And if you want me to make this into a smut story lemme know! Thanks for reading!!!)

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball AF Lore

Last night I reblogged a thing about Xicor, the imaginary villain of Dragon Ball AF, the imaginary sequel to Dragon Ball GT. There were some cool responses to this, but I didn't want to reblog the entire post all over again, so I thought I'd carry the discussion over here.

@brotoman-exe : #so do they ever explain why Goku cheats on his wife in this set up?#(to be clear Im guessing it was likely a stolen dna Superman 4 thing just having fun)

My understanding was that the West Supreme Kai faked her death and then came back as a bad guy. She somehow obtained a DNA sample from Goku and used it to impregnate herself? The end result being that Xicor is the biological son of Goku and the West Supreme Kai, even though Goku himself had no idea of any of this.

Of course, it's impossible to cite sources on any of this, since I'm talking about made-up details from a made-up show. It's entirely possible that there are other versions of the AF legend where Goku cheated on his wife like a jerk.

What I always wanted to know was how the West Supreme Kai survived the fight with Kid Buu five million years ago, and why she laid low for so long.

But now that you've brought up Superman IV, I can't stop thinking about the raw chicken thigh Lex stuffed in that little lockbox. This is my new DBAF personal canon.

@scarabats123: #As someone who wasn't alive in 1994#let me tell you Xicor and AF was THRIVING in the 2000s up into the early 2010s#hell even now some people make nostalgic fanart of it#Everyone knew about Xicor and Evil Goku and that blue bald dude

It really is bizarre how long the AF mythos has persisted. I think Dragon Ball Super was the final nail in the coffin for any true believers that were still left, but by the time DBS came out AF had already established itself as this weird little thing in its own right. It's like Bigfoot. I think everyone knows it's not real and doesn't make a lot of sense, but the idea is too much fun to discard completely.

@mozillavulpix: definitely think there's a lot of information here that's wrong, but I wasn't in the fandom in the 1990s to confirm any of it But the one big thing is...I'm pretty sure 'Dragon Ball AF' was originally supposed to stand for 'April Fools'. Like at one point someone somewhere started the name just because it'd be hilarious to trick people into believing something with a name so obviously-fake if you were paying attention. But when people started believing it they came up with their own theories on what it meant. kanzenshuu also says the rumours probably only started around 2002-2003 https://www.kanzenshuu.com/rumor/dragon-ball-af/

There were some factual errors, but the one that stood out to me was the notion of Toyotaro creating Towa and Mira, since I'd always heard Toriyama created her for Dragon Ball Online. And I've heard of the Goku Black/Xicor parallels before, but I'm pretty sure that's more of a coincidence than anything else.

I also found the 1990s to be a little too early for AF rumors to really get started, so I went back to that Kanzenshuu article you linked to and read it again just to check. This time, I ran across the link to the message board discussion about the "SSJ5 Goku" image that seems to have started it all.

Apparently, this was all discovered back in 2012, but I don't think I ever heard about this until now. Someone found the "AF Goku" image in an issue of the magazine Hobby Consolas, cover dated May 1999.

It looks like the magazine just published reader-submitted fan art, and this particular one was credited to David Montiel Franco of Alicante, Spain. Forums member Raykugan published this information in February 2012, and then Derek Padula contacted the artist and published his findings on his blog "Dao of Dragon Ball".

David Montiel Franco, as it turns out, has his own blog, af-dragonball.blogspot.com, where he appears to be promoting his Dragon Ball AF fancomics. And apparently, the guy in the image is not Super Saiyan 5 Goku at all, but an OC named Tablos.

So it appears that the true original DBAF was a fanwork created by Franco prior to May 1999. Everyone else was building onto his creation whether they knew it or not. The alternative is that Franco is stealing the credit from the true artist, but that seems like a weird thing to still be holding onto after all these years. I mean, if he wanted clout, you'd think he'd do more self-promotion than this. By now, everyone would have heard of his claims to be the creator of AF. So I think he might be the real deal.

Anyway, it definitely ties DBAF to the year 1999, although I have a feeling the rumors didn't really pick up steam until 2002 or so, as U.S. fans became aware of a sequel series to Z and wondered what might follow after that. There may have been rumors in other countries that got earlier access to GT, and there were surely American fans in the 90's who knew more about GT before it was localized. But at least the concept of AF was around in the 90's, even if it was the tail end of the 90's, and even if it was very obscure.

But that's AF in general, not Xicor. I get the sense that Vintagegeekculture seemed to conflate Tablos with Xicor, and that's probably an understandable mistake to make, since Xicor was probably invented as a response to what was thought to be SSJ5 Goku. So Xicor must have come later, but how much later?

I guess what bugs me is that there ought to be someone who would claim credit for the character, the way Franco claimed to be the artist of the DBAF image. It's kind of fascinating how Xicor is out there and no one's trying to act like it was their idea.

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

i want to respond to a lot of them because theres so many good points on my Peter posts that I wanna expand on

but some of the replies are deadass just people saying 'No Peter is an idiot. He's a doofus, his watch going off was an accident. He's a dummy'

and I'm like

If you think that Peter giving Miles away was an accident, and Peter is just an idiot-

Being an idiot is not a very good trait to be defending. Especially if you're implying he's so incompetent he endangered Miles' life.

[I wrote here why I think this scene is completely intentional and Peter ratted Miles out on purpose - based on his behavior with MayDay, Lyla, and Miles

But that's not what I'm talking about right now. But maybe read that first.]

I've gotten many a response saying 'No, this scene is just an accident. Peter didn't mean to give him up. Peter is a dummy/idiot.'

Completely valid interpretation and conclusion based on the information shown on screen. I don't agree with it, but it's an assumption that's easy to make

That being said -

....what?! LIKE WHAT? Do you hear yourself?

You're like "Yeah this grown ass man is a complete idiot and gave Miles away which led to Miguel whooping Miles' ass. Peter, a man who has been Spider-man for years, is so dumb that he wouldn't think to turn off his tracking bracelet. Opps, must've slipped his mind the multiverse tracking bracelet did that tracking thing."

that's not???? that's not oKAY????

that's not any better!! That's your mans? The dum-dum who got Miles beat up because he didn't think about the tracking bracelet on his arm?? To either turn it off or take it off???

In this situation -

Peter is either playing dumb or he actually IS DUMB.

And we need to start holding the white man accountable for how his stupidity endangers others.

Like he could have helped Miles escape from the get go instead of trying to talk to him and make jokes about him holding Mayday. Even though he knows that Miles is in danger, suddenly he's joking and laughing with him?

Okay. Bizarre behavior but okay.

But by saying 'his watch went off on accident (and Lyla, an AI not subjected to human mistakes, just decided to rat herself out - out loud - okay)' you're admitting that Peter is basically incompetent.

So much so that he's an active danger around Miles.

By suggesting he DIDN'T rat on Miles, you're implying that he either

Didn't know his watch could track him - UNLIKELY or

He knew it could track him but he didn't think to turn it off when talking to Miles - NEGLIGENT OR

The watch could only track him if it was triggered it and he accidentally hit it - STILL IMCOMPETENT. OR

The tracking cannot be turned off - TAKE OFF THE BRACELET FOR LIKE TWO MINUTES.

All of these options make Peter look bad.

We have to assume that Peter knows that Lyla can track him.

If he really didn't want Miles to be found out, any person with any kinda sense and competence would turn off their watch or location.

Excusing this as 'Peter is dumb', you're admitting that a grown man who has been Spider-man for years didn't think to disable the tracking bracelet that can obviously track him anywhere in the multiverse.

Especially for those that think he hit it by accident and didn't notice until the last moment??

Despite the fact that he's had a watch longer than most - if not all of -the other Spider people besides Miguel???????????

Like, That means he didn't think at all during their entire interaction - 'Wait, Hold up. If I don't want Miles to get caught, I should turn off my watch.'

You think Peter B. Parker is that damn dumb? And that sits right with you??

Or...There's my theory.

He wanted Miles to get caught so he left his watch on and triggered it. Simple as that.

He knew the watch could track him.

He knew this and didn't turn it off. When he realized Miles couldn't be reasoned with, he triggered Lyla and asked her to track him. He stalled Miles, and then Lyla responded to him, not knowing doing so would rat him out.

(Remember, Lyla has no reason to rat herself or Peter out. And for Lyla it's a lot harder to argue it was a mistake or an intentional thing to mess with the Society. Because she's an AI. She wouldn't make a human mistake like that, as far as we can see, she's strictly bound by logical code and protocol. And she doesn't really have the agency to just turn on Miguel and the society to rat PETER out intentionally. She's an AI. Not a person. Lyla wouldn't speak suddenly if she knew that Peter didn't know he was being tracked. It's more likely he spoke to her first, and she responded out loud because of that.)

But my theory isn't law.

It's really just an assumption and analysis based on these things here, the scenes we're shown, what we know about Peter, and what we know about The Society/Lyla.

You don't have to go with my theory.

But if your argument is that Lyla getting his location is an accident and Peter was just too dumb to turn off the watch before he spoke to Miles-

That's still not a justification.

Also, Peter is acting BIZARRE here.

You're admitting Peter is an idiot. He got Miles caught because of his stupidity.

But by saying this was all an accident - you're also implying THIS joke was completely sincere.

Why would a grown man be joking at a time like this?

Any body would know to not start laughing and joking at a time like this - when Miles needs to get out of there as soon as possible.

Either he cannot read the situation - which..he knows Miles is in like active physical danger so - or he's acting abnormally and joking because he's actively stalling Miles.

Either he's PLAYING dumb or he IS dumb.

L's ALL ACROSS THE BOARDDDDD.

Either option is horrible for Peter.

Maybe he didn't think to turn off his tracking bracelet. Maybe he did trigger it by accident and didn't notice.

That's a completely valid interpretation - just know that in arguing so you're implying the person you're defending is just dumb as all hell.

So dumb he's a danger to the people around him.

You can take this stance, but in my eyes the stance is still very damning upon Peter.

A grown man who has been in The Society for months, should know to turn his watch off. He should KNOW not to be joking at a time like this.

Maybe he did it with ulterior motives, like intentionally ratting Miles out.

Maybe the man that was fine with physically restraining Miles with webs on-screen in ITSV IS fine with cornering Miles in a small space.

Or maybe he IS just an idiot. Which is..... not good. It's actually pretty sad and it still makes me think that Peter B. should not be around these kids if he can't think to NOT endanger them MORE on accident.

But HEY.

If you think Peter B. is an idiot, I will not argue. We agree on that, TRUST.

But I'm still gonna treat him like an adult who can stop and think for one second about the tracker on his arm, and just assumes not THAT dumb, and instead he did it on purpose.

Cause that man cannot be than damn dumb, come on.

Still. Fuck Peter B. ALL MY HOBIES HATE PETER B. (not a typo)

In this house we will hold him accountable. Whether for his betrayal OR his stupidity. At the end of the day, it got Miles hurt.

But yeah that's my take on the stance.

Bye.

[yuseirra]

Some rants/theories on onk~(ch 162~)

I've been jotting some thoughts as of lately!!

I want to share it with you all because well, I'm sure some of you will relate and feel with me and it's just nice to see someone share the same type of thoughts, wouldn't it!

It may be worth a read if you like hikaru or hikaai.. or what the heck's been going about him in the manga. I feel so bad in regards to him, what's happening to him is really unjust. I feel it's so mean and unfair and I'm sure the author knows, so I hope they expand on that :) They must love this character better than I and he must be like this for a reason. I believe in them.

#1

Ruby… your dad and brother were fighting and fell into the water… What should we do about this… hahaha… hahaha…

But I think that scene itself was planned from way back.

It’s seriously annoying… hahaha. From what I can see, it’s like two victims of the entertainment industry wanting to kill each other, which is so frustrating and unfair.

If Kamiki just dies like this, it’s going to make me so mad because what was the point of his life? He’s never been happy. From my perspective, he wasn’t originally that kind of person, and it seems like he completely lost his mind after the person he loved died. But it’s unclear if we’re even supposed to feel sorry for him, which makes it even more frustrating. Why did they drag his life into the abyss like this? For what purpose?

Ai, at least, found love. But what about him?

If his original character was noble, then my view of his true nature was correct, right? So… I hope his story doesn’t just end with him like this. At this rate, I won’t even be able to fully support Aqua, and he won’t look good to me either, but I liked Aqua…

I hope Ruby can somehow save everyone. I’m not sure how that would even be possible, though.

I feel like I know where this manga is heading. I think I do. There is a way for all of this to make sense, but since it’s not my work, I can’t be certain. That’s why it’s so frustrating.

This is a manga that needs to be read by volumes.

#2

In chapter 162, Aqua says something grand like how his goal wasn’t revenge.

It’s a beautiful story, but it also annoyed me a bit, like, of course, that can’t be true!!!

From the beginning, Ai wasn’t even killed by this guy!!! The whole target of his revenge was wrong from the start! The entire premise was never valid. For over 150 chapters, Aqua had been chasing the wrong target. At the very least, Kamiki never intended to harm Ai, and if you look at it from that angle, he’s also a victim who was broken after losing Ai. What are you talking about like you’re so righteous, Aqua? It’s really getting on my nerves. What matters is what he did next and how he lived after that. Just in case, I checked the English version, and it said that as he grew older (not Ai), he couldn’t stand how Ai’s existence was fading away, and he wanted to feel that again. After Ai died, he missed her so much that he found this bizarre way to hold onto her and clung to it.

When you connect that with the songs, it kind of explains the logic behind it, and I think it makes sense. He’s definitely a crazy guy who did a lot of wrong things, but there also seems to be something more that drove him mad.

If revenge was really his motive, then he’s been hunting down the wrong person the whole time. Ruby was targeted, so it seems like Aqua did something useful by accident in the end… hahaha. (but it'd have been stupid if Kamiki didn't even intend to kill his own daughter<what is this, seriously??) I feel like this new chapter is set in a way to direct us away from the idea that KAMIKI DID NOT HARM AI. THUS, AQUA'S REVENGE DOESN'T EVEN STAND IN THE FIRST PLACE. he just happened to target Ruby by chance and so the focus shifts to that but we should really take this to account when we come to analyzing his character, seriously Kamiki is ANOTHER broken person who lost his love because of the malice in the entertainment industry. We need to read that context!!! That's why this gets on my nerves, I can't cheer Aqua wholeheartedly like this!!

It’s nice that Ruby and Aqua share such a deep bond, sure, but what about Ai’s wish? The two of them are doing their own thing, but what about Ai? (Of course, I expected Aqua to do that because he’s that kind of character. I saw it coming, didn’t I? I practically nailed it in my analysis before the chapter even came out, predicting that Aqua’s focus had shifted to Ruby.) I ended up liking the movie arc of this manga the most… so watching Aqua act that way kind of irritated me. What’s with that enlightened expression like everything’s over? Didn’t you say you’d grant Ai’s wish, you dumbo… Well, I do wonder how anyone can save someone so far gone, but did he really figure out who Kamiki truly was before deciding to kill him? Ai really wished for him to be saved. Why can't he understand his father? Why can't anyone understand how hurt this guy is except for Ai? There is not a single person who can understand his pain in the manga. This frustrates me, and I understand why he's so desperate about Ai because why wouldn't he become like that. He's become tainted and terrible, I get that, but he REALLY WASN'T LIKE THIS!! and if he's actually possessed like how I think he may be, then what's been happening isn't even entirely his will!!

There was talk about Kamiki having done nothing, but was that really a lie? I’m really confused. If he tried to kill Ruby, then maybe it really is over, but… who even is this guy?? What AM I supposed to make of him? Why are there still so many contradicting info?? They really have to explain this to us!!!

That’s why I don’t think this is the end. There are still too many unresolved plot points.

And personally, I think there's a lot to blame that lies with whatever it was that caused Kamiki to become so “broken.” That needs to be addressed.

I don’t think it’s right to pin all the malice on one crazy person and then get rid of him like that solves everything. Kamiki wasn’t originally someone who would break down this badly.

It seems like this character received two songs… So, regardless of how things end, I hope they properly address who this character really is.

#3

This is the first time I’ve encountered a character that’s so hard to understand. I’ve never felt like this before—there’s never been a character I couldn’t grasp to this extent. It’s not that I can’t understand their actions; it’s that I can’t figure out what kind of personality they even have. (it's said they had a noble soul, in that case, I DID SEE THROUGH HIS TRUE NATURE THOUGH. SO I'LL CLING ONTO THAT.)

This isn’t a character with a ton of screentime, but even within the few scenes they’ve appeared in, the content seems to contradict itself.

I keep saying this, but if it weren’t for the portrayals shown in the movie arc, I wouldn’t be this confused.

Why did they even mention fatherly love, and why did he say something about accepting death… His expressions are drawn in such a confusing way. They look so gentle and tender in some. In chapter 154, I really think he was being sincere—since the star had faded…

In long series, I can understand when a character’s personality changes a lot between the early and later parts, but this character hasn’t appeared much at all, and it hasn’t even been 10 chapters, yet their personality has completely shifted, and it’s impossible to reconcile their actions as coming from the same person.

Up until chapter 161, I’d managed to piece things together to make sense, but…

How do the events from chapters 152 to 162, this 10-chapter span, contradict each other so completely?

It’s hard to just say it’s all lies, because the portrayal wasn’t done in a way that supports that. Even when I try to selectively take what feels like the truth and dismiss the rest as lies, it’s still so confusing.

There are foundational elements, right? With just those pieces, you can sort of build a framework, but…

So, what’s the deal with this character? There’s no answer. We need solid information, but for some strange reason, the story just doesn’t provide it.

Honestly, I’m starting to think this character is possessed or something. Did they create it this way on purpose, like that’s the direction it’s heading? If that’s the case, then it makes sense for Ai to want to save him, doesn’t it?

This would also make Ai’s wish come true, since how can you save someone like that otherwise? I’ve mentioned before that it feels like this character is being controlled by something, or maybe a crack formed in his mind, and something took over that space. Even Aqua and Ruby’s personalities change for the worse when the black star appears. I’m starting to think that his desperate feelings for Ai were taken advantage of, and he got possessed and went mad.

His original personality couldn’t have been like this, right? That much's actually been provided as a plot point. I am right on this.

I’ve never analyzed a character this thoroughly, because I’ve never encountered one that made me go, “What’s going on with this guy?” to this extent. It’s… so overwhelming, good gosh.

I really put a lot of effort into this! I really think I’m good at this kind of analysis. But with this character, it just doesn’t make sense.

I would accept it if a proper explanation came out, but this character fluctuates so much within such a small amount of screentime, and the behavior is so drastically different that it’s just too weird. If this was intentional, then we’re talking about the realm of split personalities or possession. Is that not a possibility?

No, seriously. He was supposed to be noble, wasn’t he? I think he’s truly the noble god Sarutahiko at his core, but something like the black star killed his wife and is trying to completely destroy or ruin him. Why else would there be all these themes about gods who love in the face of absurdity and irrationality? Hahaha. Unless there’s something that totally broke him down like this, he wouldn’t have changed so drastically! Ai loved him, didn’t she? I paid close attention, and he seemed like someone worthy of that love! So why did he end up like this? Will there ever be an explanation?

Is Ai really not a god? Wow, seriously… No, this manga has something going on. Something to do with gods.

Isn’t she really the reincarnation of Ame-no-Uzume? I mean, wouldn’t the song lyrics make sense because of that?

Doesn’t she want to save her fallen husband, who’s been completely broken, no matter what? Seriously? He’s that messed up? He’s too far gone after losing his wife… and it’s understandable he’d go crazy like this. How should I even take this manga? If it’s not this, then I just won’t be able to understand the plot. To be honest, there are way too many weird hints about gods scattered throughout. If they’ve dropped all these clues, they need to tie it together somehow, or at least address it. Why else include these ideas?

I’m really thorough when it comes to character analysis, especially when I’m trying to draw fan art.

But Kamiki? He’s just too inconsistent. Seriously, hasn’t he been possessed by some evil spirit or something? Isn’t it weird? I want to accept it, but how are the portrayals from chapters that aren’t even far apart from each other so different? It’s not even about poor writing at this point—it feels like they’ve deliberately written him as two completely different characters. Did they do this on purpose?

My head really hurts. If he were just a crazy guy, I could have accepted that, honestly. But why give us information that says otherwise, and then turn him back into a madman? Why does Ai want him to be saved?

Then it’s really like something’s possessed him. This isn’t his true nature, so he needs to be exorcised.

#4

Yes, “Fatal” is Kamiki’s song.

Why do you think he longs to see Ai so much? Why would he say he’s fine with sacrificing anything for her?

It’s because no one, aside from Ai, ever truly looked at him properly. Of course he wouldn’t want to live like that. Aqua isn’t at that level… But Kamiki, he would give up anything just to see Ai again. I feel like he thinks Ai needs to come and take him away.

Ai gave Kamiki love and understood him. He thought they were alike. But everyone else either took advantage of him or failed to understand him. Why is that? Since childhood, it seems like no one who approached this character ever tried to understand him. That’s why I think he ended up clinging to Ai… And when you think about that, it’s hard to see how he could have grown up with this kind of personality… Given that environment, he actually turned out well. Even if he’s twisted, he didn’t end up as twisted as you’d expect. He really could have been a saint if things weren't this messed up. He never got to be happy, which is what really upsets me when I see him. You see him going in 162 saying the only times he felt alive was when he had Ai with him, WELL DUH!!! Because the other parts of his life was so miserable!! He has no one!! How CAN someone not grow insane after losing that single person who became his reason for living?? Seeing him makes me feel terrible... the fact that he used to be so kind makes me feel sad. He wouldn't have became what he is if it weren't for these twisted turn of events!! And what were the odds of those things happening to him, I don't think the events leading up to Ai's death was his doing, he's CLEARLY been taken over by the loss after that and that's the reason why he's shifted. There's no way he ever wanted to harm his only love.

#5

Without you, I cannot live anymore I would sacrifice anything for you I can’t get enough of your love What should I use to fill in what’s missing?

This song is really Kamiki’s song, isn’t it?

But, could this person have come up with those strange thoughts, that odd way of thinking, all on his own?

It’s not a natural thought process at all, is it?

What if something urged him to believe that by doing so, he could get closer to Ai?

Do people usually come to those kinds of conclusions? I feel like I wouldn’t think that way.

So, if—just if—this person can somehow be saved, like Ai wanted, then maybe there’s a separate mastermind behind why he came to think that way. Is he really the type of person who could naturally fall apart to this degree? We haven’t seen any clear explanation for why he ended up like this. And one of the song’s title is “Mephisto.” Then maybe Kamiki is like Faust, and there’s a separate entity he made a deal with? Like that black star god? Though it might not be.

Remember that post where I speculated about stars possessing people? I still think stars are definitely influencing people.

there's another theory post I wrote about that, too.

You know how the logo for this series has star eyes in it??

STAR EYES ARE IMPORTANT. I BELIEVE STARS=GODS=DWELL IN EYES OF THE MAIN CHARACTERS,

THERE'S A LYRIC IN FATAL THAT ACTUALLY INDICATES THAT.

キラキラお星様宿したあなたのeyes/ Your eyes with glittering stars in them.

So it makes sense that Kamiki's been under the influence.. of this "black star" for at least two decades....that'd be enough to really destroy and taint his soul. I also mentioned that the black star may do that do a person. I REALLY think this can be it.

Switching gears, I got volume 14 today…

As I looked through it, I kept wondering—why and how did this sweet, innocent boy end up like this? It’s such a mystery.

There’s so much about him we don’t know. We don’t even know exactly when he started falling apart, but Ai seemed to be happy being with him. And this guy liked Ai so much that it seemed like he could live just by having her around.

He really looked happy. If you look at his memories with Ai, he looks so genuinely joyful… He must have really loved her.

That’s probably why he broke down. In those memories, Ai was always smiling too, so I think they must have been very happy together. I'm sure. She REALLY loved him. He was a good person.

[sweetdreamsjeff]

Jeff Buckley: Grace under fire

Dave Simpson, The Guardian, 1 May 1998

Singer Jeff Buckley lived in the shadow of his father Tim's death. Dave Simpson remembers meeting the visionary of pain and loss, and hears the demo recordings of Buckley's planned second album

WHEN JEFF Buckley walked fully clothed and singing into a Memphis marina on the Mississippi river last year he closed one of the briefest, brightest chapters in rock. Bernard Butler, the former Suede guitarist, recently said: "If it wasn't for Jeff Buckley I wouldn't be doing any of this. Seeing him restored my faith in music." High praise, matched only by Led Zeppelin's high priest, Jimmy Page: "Jeff Buckley was one of the greatest losses of all."

Buckley left just one completed album, Grace, rightly hailed as a masterpiece. But the demos for what would have been his second, planned to be called My Sweetheart The Drunk, are released by Columbia this month.

Demos, because apparently Buckley was dissatisfied with the sessions (with former Television mainman Tom Verlaine) and planned to burn the recordings and start again, beginning with a rehearsal planned for the very night he died. Sketches contains some of the most stunning and intriguing rock performances ever committed to tape. It's impossible to decide which are the more affecting: the staggering soulful beauty of a song like 'Everybody Wants You', or the references to funerals, cemeteries and suicide that shadow the album; the fragile magnificence of 'Opened Once', or the album's pervasive sense of loneliness.

That Buckley could have even contemplated trashing this music is the mark either of an acute perfectionist or of an extremely disturbed mind. And is it just hindsight that gives lines like 'Witches Rave''s "I'll never make it out alive" such an eerie psychological pull?

Equally bizarrely, Buckley's mysterious demise aged 30 on May 29 1997 (he told a friend he was "going for a swim", although many have speculated it was suicide) appeared a curious twist of destiny. His natural father, sixties singer Tim Buckley, had died tragically (from a drug overdose on June 29 1975) at 28, and his son was forever stalked by the Buckley legend. "Eternal life is on my trail," Jeff once sang, knowing full well that he was carving his own myth.

I first met him in 1994, in the first flush of critical fanfare for Grace. I was sent along to get a handful of quotes for a music paper, and we ended up talking for over an hour. This was typical of Jeff. If he liked you, you were in. It didn't concern him that he had other, more important interviews scheduled and that his press officer was frantically trying to get his attention. Just as in his music, Jeff Buckley knew all the rules but routinely bent them to suit his own purposes. In conversation as on stage, he'd play up to the image he'd created — the moody, magnificent James Dean of rock — and shatter it in an instant. Expecting a tortured artist, I was surprised by his mischievous humour.

He was a bag of contradictions, someone who shaped his surroundings (as we talked, he selected Duke Ellington to play in his portable CD), whilst simultaneously claiming to be ill at ease, both with people and daily situations.

He could be remarkably, even suspiciously eloquent. He said of his voice: "I feel it and I wanna go there. Every feeling has an articulation. It's like when you get drunk or you try Ecstasy for the first time and all your secrets come tumbling out, and you say things you've never said before."

His music, he insisted, was equally natural. "Do you think about what you're doing when you're making love?" he asked, using a favourite metaphor. He was the sort of person who would flirt with a bathchair. His entire arsenal of vocal mannerisms seemed to be filched from Dean's simmering vocabulary. But it became obvious that Jeff Buckley was carrying around a set of troubles for which there were no easy answers.

Buckley's early life around California was fairly blissful, even though he was brought up by his Panamanian mother and two successive stepfathers. He picked up his grandmother's guitar aged six and learned about harmonies by singing along with his mom to the radio as it blared out tunes by Stevie Wonder and Sly Stone. His favourite record was Terry Jacks' premature-death anthem 'Seasons In The Sun'.

When Buckley was 12, his stepfather gave him a copy of Led Zeppelin's Physical Graffiti (later influences included Nina Simone, Sex Pistols and the Cocteau Twins), and Jeff began writing songs. His first, he remembered, was "something stupid about a break-up." In his teens at college in Los Angeles he penned 'Eternal Life', which included the lines: "Got my red glitter coffin, man, just need one more nail", about the rock-death myth.

Buckley moved to New York, building up a fearsome reputation as a live performer in and around East Village. By the time a reworked 'Eternal Life' and other equally harrowing but strangely beautiful songs such as 'Dream Brother' appeared in his set, many in the audiences (which often included the likes of Nick Cave) would scream in rapture. Others would find the outpourings of naked emotion so disquieting they'd leave the room.

"I'm used to being hated," he told me. "It's something I've had ever since I was a kid. It hurts, but there's nothing I can do. I'm not lying." Neither did he pull his punches. At almost the exact time as he secured a record deal, Jeff managed the potentially career-threatening feat of being seen to "diss" labelmate Bob Dylan.

"I was at A Hole In the Wall in New York, and I'd seen Dylan the night before," he revealed. "So I did an impression of him singing 'I Want You'. I did an impression of him singing 'Grace'. I talked about how he sailed through some songs and was really brilliant on others. People were shouting 'But he's still got it, right?' And I'm going: 'No. This is not Blonde On Blonde. This is him now. You guys are living in the past'."

In the audience were Bob Dylan's manager, his assistant manager, and his best friend. "Man, the next day I was in Tompkins Square Park, staring at the ground with the snow falling, wishing I was never born. My A&R man saying, 'Well, Bob feels dissed.' But I really didn't... I just... loved him so much I sent him up." Buckley wrote a personal apology — and then when Grace came out, critics hailed the "new Bob Dylan".

Around this time people began making the inevitable, if misleading musical comparisons between Jeff and Tim Buckley. Both were singer-songwriters with distinctive voices. Jeff never knew his father (he vaguely remembered their one meeting "on a beach somewhere"). He wouldn't accept that even his smouldering looks came from his father.

"I look like my mother," he insisted. "I have my own choices, and I have my own life. All I know is that the guy's dead. I had a very musical environment growing up, that didn't involve him. Maybe I was imbued with the same things, the same parts. But it ain't his voice, and it ain't my voice, and it wasn't his father's voice or his father's father before. It's just the voice that's passed down. My grandfather sang, apparently. And my grandfather on my mother's side sang! I come from a line of singers. But my choices are my choices."

Buckley's resentment was palpable. Was he angry because his father abandoned him? "It's private," he mumbled, "but I went through, and am still going through a period of trying to figure out... why? The main question you wanna answer is did he love you or not, and if so, why didn't he love you enough to..."

Stick around. He didn't need to finish the sentence. The force driving Jeff Buckley was that he never recovered from the rejection.

He clung on to other people. "All I want to do is love everyone," he sang. There was a scarcely publicised affair with Cocteau Twin Elizabeth Fraser (who once recorded his father's 'Song To The Siren'), even curious rumours concerning Marianne Faithfull. His idealism was mirrored by a profound hatred of everything he deemed false, from colonialism to MTV and supermodels. But his chief obsession was that he would somehow "fail the music".

But what if Jeff wasn't involved in music? His answer came in instalments. "I think... that I... would be... a corpse."

We met again, but the last time I saw him he seemed exhausted by the road, itching to get back into the studio. There were narcotic rumours, but his body was found clean. When the news of his death came through it seemed like a dark joke, the kind of macabre prank Buckley would have dreamt up. It wasn't.

During his life, people talked of "Tim Buckley's son", but from now on it could easily be "Jeff Buckley's father". Jeff would have laughed at that. But his powerful musical legacy will be his final vengeance.

[boygiwrites]

Harley D. Dixon 7

An amazing edit inspired by this story! (Cred to Cora_Line99) Harley D. Dixon's Pinterest Board! Harley D. Dixon's Playlist!

📖Chapter List.

Author's Note. As always, I hope you enjoy reading! :)

Just like everything else, the elevators are all dead.

After we rummage around for the flashlight, we have to climb the emergency stair-well to make it back up to the lobby. As the door creaks open, we find only more darkness and empty space waiting for us, but at least we have the moonlight, now. We step out. It streams in through the gargantuan windows, glittering across the polished tiles. I find it calming to know that despite everything that we people are going through tonight, the night still knows how to be beautiful all the same. I watch the round belly of the moon glow behind a thin cloud.

Beside it, a bright star winks.

I imagine it's my Momma winking down at me.

I use the sight to steady myself.

I have to be brave.

"The doors are all locked, right?" I whisper, thinking of all those dead soldiers outside, standing to attention. "Nothin's gettin' in?"

"Nothin's gettin' in." Shane promises. "Doors are all electric. Couldn't let anythin' in even if they wanted to, ain't that right?"

Dad side-eyes Shane. "Yeah."

"See? Nothin' to worry about."

Shane's doin' that thing again — lying to hide the truth.

As subtle as I can, I scoot a little closer to him, away from my Dad.

We watch as the light crawls over the reception desk, the scattered papers, and the muddy boot-prints we left behind earlier today. I hold my breath, waiting for a type of creature to lunge out, teeth bared. I must shudder, 'cause I feel my Dad give my hand a squeeze, and pull me back into his side. I wish he didn't. The light continues over the tiles, and then it slowly climbs the furthest wall from us. Dad levels it with the entrance to a corridor so dark that it seems to just be a black hole at the end of a long tunnel.

There's just one detail out of place.

"What's—?"

It's so bizarre that my Dad can't even put it into words.

There — Red light, projected from somewhere inside the corridor, flashing on the tiles. The corridor must make a turn, and the light must be around the corner, blinking on and off. On, off. On, off — As if the building isn't completely out of power.

For some reason, this light gets to stay on.

"What is that?" Dad mutters to Shane. "That corridor— What's it lead to?"

On, off. On, off.

The flashlight flickers for a moment.

"The control room."

We've been in the control room before. During the tour, it was one of the stops. It's essentially head-quarters for the CDC, and it was lined with computer engines and monitoring equipment that looked like it belonged in a move about aliens. All around us, after he booted the system up, we saw bobbing green wave-lengths and confusing scientist languages typed in pixelated text. None of us knew what any of it meant. On the main screen, the scientist played us a video of an infected woman's brain. Together, we watched her die. It felt like attending a belated funeral service, and it was everyone's least favorite part of the tour, 'cause we were all forced to re-live our days on the road, watching what we thought was me dying; attending my funeral.

It could have been me on that video.

Glenn was picking at his nails the whole time, and Rick looked like he was hating every frame of the video. Carol was so distressed that Lori started rubbing her back, reminding us kids that it was just a video. When I glanced at Andrea, she was staring at her shoes again, thinking of Amy. My Dad was the one to eventually bully the scientist into turning the video off.

Just before it cut out, a bullet pierced the woman's skull.

I hate the control room.

Everybody hates the control room.

Now, just a few hours later, we're faced with the same room again.

"Makes sense, right?" Shane mutters. "Kill the place; conserve power for the main hub?"

On, off. On, off.

"We should check it out." Dad says.

On, off. On, off.

"Are they in there?" I ask. "Is Glenn in there?"

On, off. On, off.

"I don't know, baby."

On, off. On, off.

On.

The light does not disappear again. It seems to grow brighter by the second, until it looks like the floor's been painted red.

We hear a noise from deeper inside the CDC.

Muffle, muffle.

"What was that?" Shane asks, drawing his pistol, now, as if he can kill a sound.

Geh, Ow, Now.

My Dad draws his gun too, glancing at Shane.

Geh-Ow, Goh.

"That's someone shoutin'." I exclaim.

Shane looks at my Dad. "Jenner?"

Goh-Oh-Oh.

We start jogging toward the corridor as a small unit.

Goh-Goh-Goh.

We start running.

The red light starts to flash. A wailing alarm takes over, pulsing loudly from all directions.

NEH—NEH—NEH.

Now we're sprinting.

The cluster of noise and voices and shouting reaches a concerning volume, and we're all racing down the corridor, tryna reach it; see what it is. It has to be the group. We have to help them, if they're in trouble. When we turn the corner, we see that the light was coming from this area, above a metal door. For a moment, I can see everyone standing on the other side, inside the control room.

I begin to smile.

Wait, something's wrong.

They're all rushing to the exit.

The voice becomes clear to us, at this very last moment; just one moment too late.

I think that's—

It's Rick.

"Get out, now! " 

The last thing we see is Rick waving his hands above his head, and then the little red light blinks out once and for all, and the metal door hisses right before it slides shut. There's nothing we can do as it traps the group on one side and us on the other. 

My Dad's momentum slams him right into the door, and he uses his shoulder to brace impact, but the door just doesn't budge. Without hesitation, he shoots three bullets — Bang, Bang, Bang — Into the crevice of the doorframe, but even they get absorbed into the metal, like it's just a big silver sponge for violence; like we could beat on it forever and it still wouldn't open. I skid to a stop just behind him.

"Did he just lock us in?" I hear Glenn screeching from inside.

The siren continues.

NEH—NEH—NEH.

It's like being inside an alarm clock.

Wait, did—? Did Glenn just say that someone locked them in there? Why would they do that?

It must have been the scientist, I think. Maybe he's upset with us for wanting to leave so soon after dinner ended, so he decided to try force us all to stay, instead of just asking. I don't want to stay, and I don't wanna be friends with him, neither. He said all those things about suicide — about my Momma — and he speaks like he's a robot with only one battery in him. He gave us soap and potato salad, but he's not actually any good at making friends. He's an evil scientist. He locked my friends, plus Rick, inside.

Shane arrives one second after, and gives the door a big, hard kick, but again, it stands strong.

He was right.

Nothin's getting in. 

Nothing's getting out, neither.

It's sealed tight.

How are we gonna help 'em?

"Come on!" My Dad grunts, hitting the door.

My head thrums with the alarm.

Glenn cries again, "He just locked us in!"

Shane crouches; gets his face as close he can to the bullet holes, like it's an intercom. "Rick!" He shouts, over the noise of the voices inside — Open those doors, Jenner, Why'd you lock us in, What's going on, Mom — and crying; that's crying, I think. It sounds like Sophia, and if I were in there with them, I would want to give her a hug. Jenner's not my friend, but I think Sophia might be; maybe Carl, too. I can hear a computer lady's voice, too, but she sounds like she's cool as a cucumber, nonchalantly counting, Twenty Nine Minutes and Forty-three seconds remaining, Forty-two, Forty-one. Shane smacks the door, wanting to know what's happening. "Rick! We're here, man!"

We wait for someone to answer.

"Are we—?" I nibble on the ends of my pyjama sleeves, worried, "We're gonna get 'em out, right?"

I remember the mouse that got stuck in the walls of our old house. It struggled and struggled until eventually, it just died.

"Yes, we are." Shane nods to me, panicked but confident.

We hear approaching foot-steps from inside.

"Shane!"

It's Morales.

I think Rick must be busy talking to Jenner. He's the best with words, after all. If anyone can convince Jenner to let 'em go, he can.

"Man, what's goin' on in there?" Shane demands. "What happened?"

"Generators," Morales pants, "Jenner said they're all on their last legs. After they're gone, CDC's got nothing. No water, no lights. That's why Rick was hollering for us to leave, and why everything 'cept this room's gone kaput. Where were you? Did you notice?"

"Oh, we noticed alright." Shane rubs at his forehead, stressed. "We were in the lower levels with our thumbs up our asses."

That's a weird phrase.

Twenty-Five, Twenty-Four, Twenty-Three.

There's more arguing on the other side of the door — What happens in twenty-eight minutes, Jenner, My children are in here, Please open the doors, Answer me right now — and the sounds of chairs and computers being thrown to the floor. I think there's another fight going on, but at least I'm not in it, this time. Morales tries translating the kerfuffle to us — Somethin' about the timer; somethin' about Jenner. He says that when the timer reaches zero, something called decontamination will begin. Does that mean, like, cleaning? It's impossible to keep up, so I just keep my distance, fiddling with my pyjama shirt. I try to ignore the missing button. My Dad uses the butt of his pistol to smash open a panel by the door, but it's for a keycard. We don't got keycards, or regular keys, or nothin'.

Nothing can open these doors except Jenner.

"Do you know what this place is?"

That's him.

His voice comes booming so loud from inside the control room that even me, Shane, my Dad are startled, and we're behind the door. Everybody goes quiet. It's like when a teacher at school suddenly decides that they've had enough, and explode.

"We protected the public from very nasty stuff!"

Dad glances at me; yanks me closer, looking tense. I guess I was startin' to drift away again.

"Weaponized smallpox!"

I try my best not to flinch.

"Ebola strains that could wipe out half the country!"

I remember hearing about Ebola. It's famous for killin' people.

"Stuff you don’t want getting out! Ever!"

There's a long, long pause.

It almost seems like the CDC was built to trap things inside it. The smallpox, and the— the Ebola? Those might've been things that they didn't want gettin' out, ever, but we do. We want out. If Jenner doesn't give us our friends back, I'll be very sad. I'll even be sad about officer Rick. He got my Uncle Merle killed, but Shane needs him. They're like brothers. I wouldn't want Shane to lose his brother.

Carol, Jacqui, Andrea. Glenn.

I'll be very sad.

Even if we never get to eat potato salad ever again, I still want everybody to be able to leave the CDC.

Suddenly, the computer lady speaks up again but she's not countin', no more.

"H.I.T.s—" She explains to us, and if she was a person, she'd be smiling pleasantly, "High-impulse thermo-baric fuel-air explosives consisting of a two-stage aerosol ignition that produces a blast wave of significantly greater power and duration than any other known explosive except nuclear. The vacuum-pressure effect ignites the oxygen at between five thousand degrees and six thousand degrees and is useful when the greatest loss of life and damage to structures is desired."

Greatest—?

Greatest loss of life?

I freeze.

My Dad freezes.

Shane freezes, too.

He glances back at us; At me. He looks like his heart's stopped.

I think everyone on the other side must look the same way.

"It sets the air on fire." The scientist gives it to us in its simplest terms. "No pain."

Twenty Six minutes and Nineteen secon—

"An end to sorrow; Grief." The scientist continues, and I imagine him smiling pleasantly, too, like he's smelling a sweet flower. "No more regrets."

I realize in this moment, as the weeping on the other side starts up again, that Jenner is like my Momma. He wants to kill himself. He thinks that when the computer lady sets the air on fire, everything is going to be better for him that way. That's why he sounds so happy. I think back to dinner — His wrong-smile, his empty gaze, his dull voice — and I wonder how I didn't realize this sooner. People who are suicidal stop living a while before they actually die. I know that. I didn't notice with my Momma, neither, not until it was too late. It's too late now, too. Uncle Merle would say Jenner's taking the pussy way out, 'cause that's what he used to say my Momma did, but there's nothing easy about it. Nothin' at all.

My Momma wanted to jump off a bridge and Jenner wants to be set on fire.

Six thousand degrees, the computer lady said.

That's a lot of degrees.

I try picturing those windows to the outside again to calm myself; that star, winking.

"Everything."

The fire might kill us, too, if we don't get out.

I hear glass breaking, voices crying out, and thumping from inside.

The men must've broken the fire axes outta their cases, and are trying to chop the other three doors down with 'em.

My Dad shoots the keycard scanner.

Shane shoot, shoot, shoots the door frame.

All I can do is fiddle with my buttons and try not to cry — I've cried far too much tonight. Crying is for pussies. I ain't a pussy.

"Shane and Daryl are out there?" I hear someone shout.

"Yeah! That door, there!"

A few moments later, someone else is talking through the door.

"Harley?"

That's Glenn's voice. He's using the bullet holes as an intercom just like Shane was. I drop to my knees in front of them, pressing my hands on the freezing cold metal on either side. I wish I could peer through and see his face, but bullet holes ain't work like that. Glenn doesn't sound like he's hurt or nothin'. That's good. I smile.

Twenty Four Minutes and Fifty Sev—

"Glenn?"

"Are you okay?" He asks, voice cracking. "Your Dad? Shane?"

Glenn must be tryna peek through the bullet holes to see my face, too.

"Uh-huh." I shout back. "We're okay. We—"

Just as I'm about to say more, my Dad sneers at the door, screaming, "Somebody drag that Einstein-Motherfucker up 'ere so's I can shoot him through the fuckin' door! My kid's out here!" He punches the metal. "Come here, ya coward! You wanna die? Lemme do ya a favor!"

"You drive that axe through his skull, Rick!" Shane shouts into the door. "You do it now!"

"W-We—" I choke on my words.

My Dad is all angry again.

If the main doors weren't sealed, he would've already dragged me outta here.

"What is it?" Glenn asks me.

I try to clear my head. Through all the chaos, me and Glenn are just knelt by the door, having a conversation. Instead of thinking about my Momma, or Jenner, or all the locked doors, or the computer lady, or my angry Dad, I try to pretend that we're on the roof of the RV again, watching the sun rise, munching on old cherries without a care in the world. Bullets and axe heads and fists are banging and cutting and thumping all around us, but I just focus on Glenn, and he just focuses on me. What would I say to him, if everything was normal?

"Glenn, my favorite color's yellow."

It's the strangest thing I could've told him right now, but it's true. I love yellow. What a lovely, simple thing to think about.

"Wh—? What?"

"Y-Yeah, like um— Like the sun." I take a deep breath. "And bananas."

I'm not scared. I'm brave. I'm someone who likes the color yellow, and I'm not going to die today.

"You like bananas?" I ask.

"Wh—?"

Glenn takes a minute to adjust to the sudden change in subject — Bananas are very different from mega-explosions, after all — but then he replies, and his voice is a little calmer, this time, and a little closer, too. "Yeah," He tells me, punctuated by another gunshot. "I like bananas. Every fruit, really. My Mom used to make me and my sisters a bowl of mango and banana every day after school. We—" Somebody swings an axe into the door. I think we both jump. He continues, "We ate it all together, in— in our backyard."

"What were their names?" I ask, squeezing my eyes shut.

"Lisa," Glenn tells me, prolly imagining sunny afternoons and fingers covered in sticky fruit juice. "Naomi, and Jenny."

Lisa, Naomi, and Jenny.

Those are pretty names.

"My Momma's name was Lindsey." I find myself admitting to Glenn. This is worse than admitting my favorite color to him — This is a secret. This is something only me and my Dad know; Something I'm never allowed to talk about. Now that Merle's gone, he won't ever be able to speak my Momma's name again, which means that it died with him. That's what I'm supposed to do. After this, I swear I will. "And she was the best Momma ever."

My Dad wishes my Momma was gone forever, 'cause that's what happens when people die, like with Merle. He doesn't wanna talk about him, and he definitely doesn't wanna talk about her. But she's not gone. I know 'cause half of my cells belong to her — Lindsey Hunt's — which means that inside of me, my Momma's still alive. She made my blood, and she made my heart.

She lives in my memories.

She lives in the stars.

My Dad just don't see it.

"I bet." Glenn says. I wonder if Glenn lost his Momma, too. "What was her favorite color?"

"Blue."

Blue, like the fake sapphire gem that hung from her necklace. Blue, like her skinny jeans. Blue, like my Daddy's eyes.

"And she liked to write." I tell Glenn, 'cause maybe if I pass all these gems of information over to Glenn, my Momma can live on with him, instead, 'cause I know that as soon as we make it out of the CDC, I'm never, ever gonna be allowed to talk about my Momma again — Not to Dad, not to myself, not to anybody. If I do, I'm gonna get belted again. I don't want my Momma to die for a second time. I don't want her to be forgotten.

I think of everything I ever knew about my Momma.

"She used to write on napkins at the diner, while we waited for our pancakes. She wrote all over her hands if she ain't had any paper. She wrote a bed-time story for me too, once, for my— my fifth birthday. It was called My Little Fairy, Here's all my Kisses. 'Cause I got fairy kisses. My moles. That's what she called 'em. It was my favorite book ever. And— She called me her little fairy-girl. She always said if she could do anythin', she'd be an author."

"Open the doors!" Shane shouts. "Open them, now!"

I block it out. I block it all out.

I need Glenn to know about my Momma.

"She loved playing guitar. Daddy taught her how. She liked the Spice Girls. It's all she listened to."

Glenn lets me speak as much as I need to.

"She always kept her hair short, 'cause she hated the feeling of it touching her shoulders."

My Dad shoots the door again.

I squeeze my eyes shut even tighter.

"And she wasn't sick in the head." I quickly tell Glenn, 'cause this part is really, really important. "She wasn't. People said she was, but it ain't true. She took her medicine. She weren't sick."

I think Glenn puts his hand on the door, probably right over mine, 'cause I hear a hollow thunk. I wish there was no door.

"Harley—"

"She weren't sick. She was just sad! Okay?"

He needs to get this part.

Twenty Three Minutes and Fifty-nine seconds, Fifty-eight—

My Momma used to write, and sing, and dance, but she used to cry, too. One day she came home, and she just cried all night. After that, she cried all night, every night. I never understood why. Every time I asked, she'd just cry some more. I think my Dad understood, but all he ever told me was, It's not for little girl ears to hear, chicken, so ask me somethin' different. After a while, he stopped tryna make my Momma feel better. He gave up. That's how I know he hated her, 'cause I never gave up, and I loved my Momma. She was a sad woman, but she weren't sick.

Glenn pauses, and he sounds sincere when he says, "Okay, Harley."

The others think Glenn's a bit of an idiot, but he's as every bit caring as any one of 'em.

"She was like Jenner." I say. "She was sad, and then she died, and then she weren't sad no more."

"Harley, I'm sorry." Glenn sounds out of breath. "I'm—"

"Don't be sorry." I shake my head, remembering what I told Sophia. I suck in a deep breath. "Sorry is only for when it's your fault."

Momma dyin'— That was Dad's fault. He ain't never said sorry.

I don't think he ever will.

That's okay, though, 'cause this is the last time I'm ever gonna think about my Momma. After this, never again.

"What about your Momma and Daddy?"

Glenn listened to me, so now I want to do the same for him.

"I don't know." He sighs. "I'm not sure what happened to mine. They could be gone. They could be out there somewhere, still alive."

"I think they're still alive." I say. I'm actually smiling. "If they're anythin' like you, they're alive."

Glenn is fast like a cheetah and strong like a house cat, and he's not as big as my Dad, but I'm just as sure that he's gonna live forever. Sure, he sucks at cooking, but he learnt his lesson. He's friendly. He's determined. He's resourceful. And he's real good at finding old packets of freeze-dried cherries. If they're anything like him, Glenn's Momma and Daddy are alive, and so are his sisters, Lisa, Naomi, and Jenny. All of them.

I hear Glenn laugh.

There are bombs in the walls and everybody's panicking, but me and Glenn are laughing.

"Thank— Thank you." He tells me. "And if they're not, I hope they're with your Mom, and everybody else you've lost."

Maybe everyone who's died so far are all eating fruit together, somewhere.

I hope my Uncle's not bein' too much of an asshole to 'em.

"I hope so, too," I laugh.

What a lovely, simple thing to think about.

It's as I'm sittin' there, smiling and thinking about happy things with Glenn, that the door opens. It slides into the floor, revealing Glenn on the other side, kneeling just a couple inches away from me. We stare at each other, caught off guard.

Not for long, though, 'cause my Dad grabs my shirt and forces me to stand. I stumble after him.

Glenn snaps out of it, too, and scrambles to his feet.

Then, it's just running.

Running, running, running.

Jenner let us out?

Jenner let us out!

Rick! He did it!

We run down the corridor, and then we run through the lobby, and then we run through a side corridor, and then another one, and another one, and another one, and then we're running back into the garage-lookin' space we first arrived in, and these doors are all opening, too. My Dad is running so fast that I almost can't keep up. The roller doors open inch, by inch, by inch, and we run even faster.

The night is revealed.

We run into it.

My bare feet smack against the cement, and then they sink into grass, which is so, so soft, and we hear crickets chirping, and the breeze.

"Go, go, go!" Rick shouts, leading us all through the field the other way, this time, under the moon.

"Get down!" Shane hollers.

The explosion. The explosion is still coming.

"Everybody, behind the sand bags!" Rick cries.

We run, run, run past half-dead soldiers and full-dead soldiers, and the tank, and the barricades. We reach the edge of the field, where big, brown blobs are stacked on top of each other to make a long, lumpy wall. Ahead of us, Rick vaults it, and then he pulls Lori and Carl over. Me and my Dad are next, and he gets me by the armpits and just about throws me to Rick, who just about dumps me on the ground. Dad jumps over; muscles my head down until my nose is grazing the pavement, tucked safely under his chest. There's more rushing; more people throwing themselves behind the wall.

The ground shudder-udder-udders beneath us.

Then the air is set on fire.

Everybody bunkers down as the sky bursts like a balloon. A wave of scorching hot air thrusts over our heads, carrying smoke and debris with it as it sails through the sky. I listen to empty helmets and broken pieces of metal land sporadically all over the street. The CDC crumbles in the background. Windows shatter. Rooves cave in. Walls topple over into the field like broken Legos. It's the loudest thing I've ever heard.

Eventually, it ends.

We slowly untangle, and gaze out over the sand bags together.

The CDC is a pile of rubble and ash. It sits there, smoking gracefully, like somebody's stomped-in sandcastle. It looks like it was never a building at all — just a black husk. I think of Jenner, willingly sat at his computers, burned to a crisp. I wonder if it made him happy. Weirdly enough, I hope it did. I hope he ended up wherever he wanted to be. We watch as the moon rises behind the destroyed utopia, 'cause despite everything that us people have gone through tonight, the night knows how to be beautiful all the same.

Orange burns bright against the black of night.

We admire it like a nice view.

"Is everybody okay?" Rick gulps, hands on his hips.

Everybody murmurs a general yes.

When I glance at my Dad, he's already looking at me. Already, I know that nothing is going to be the same after this. We're not coming out the same way we went in. Next to us, Rick pants beside his family. He wraps them in a hug. Carol holds Sophia's hand to her mouth as they both cry softly. Morales and Miranda hold Louis and Eliza. Glenn takes off his cap; almost drops it. When he meets my eye, I feel a little embarrassed about all the things I told him when we were talking through the door. Shane runs his hands through his hair. Jacqui and T-Dog smile.

Andrea— Wait.

Andrea and Dale. They're not here.

That's when I see Jacqui point to the other side of the field.

"Guys, I think that's them."

I follow her finger with my eyes.

Everybody does.

Like two little dots in the distance, we watch as Dale and Andrea poke their heads up from behind some more sand bags. They dust themselves off, hesitantly look around, and then they spot us, and some of us wave to them.

Only Dale waves back.

I think back to what happened with Glenn, and I pretend that the part of me that was still holdin' onto my Momma died in the CDC. I pretend that it's a little burnt chunk turning to ash, right next to Jenner. I am never going to talk about her again. I'm never even gonna think about her. I forget every memory I ever had of her, and that's it — She's really gone, now. She died with me. I hope she would forgive me. If I could talk to her one last time, I'd tell her that I just don't want Daddy to beat on me, anymore, and that I'm sorry.

One last brick falls from the CDC.

It's time to leave another home again.

When I climb into Dad's truck, I can see Shane standing in the shadow of the RV, sneering.

Dad loads his pistol and places it on the dash, staring him down.

Shane scoffs.

Everything else might be over, but not this.

They are going to kill each other.

I'm sure of it.

As rural Georgia rolls past the windows, I stare at the pistol on the dash, thinking of Shane. I stare at Dad's bouncing leg and his knuckles as he cracks them, and I think about what might be going on in his head. I stare at my feet, thinking about how we have no home again.

When my Dad reaches for the gear stick, my body does that thing again where it flinches all on its own. I regret it immediately.

He gives me the weirdest look.

I go back to staring at the loaded pistol just so I don't have to look at him.

This is how the entire car ride goes.

Everybody is exhausted come morning.

By the time the sky turns pale blue, we're pulled over in the parking lot of a small strip mall. We all climb out, revealing ourselves to each other in the sunlight. Everybody is covered in soot and sweat, still dressed in their sleep clothes. Most of us don't even have any shoes, I realize. Rick's walking around in his socks. Everything we owned got blown up. There are no more water bottles, no more food, no more hair brushes, books, pillows, blankets, tooth brushes, or even any toilet paper. We took everything we owned, down to our very last protein bar, into the CDC.

'Cause thought we were safe.

We were wrong.

We might as well be holding a banner that says, We have lost everything. Don't bother robbing us.

Some of the men break off to search for supplies without really telling anyone. Nobody's really talking. Shane and Rick search the convenience store. Glenn and Morales take the office supply shop and the pet shop. My Dad takes the book shop all on his own, lugging his crossbow over his shoulder, glaring at Shane. Supplies used to mean gas and bullets, but now it means anything. 

All I have is my dinosaur pyjama shirt, some purple pants, and a hair lackey, now.

And my Dad. I think.

I watch him disappear through the little blue door.

"Hi, Harley." A sweet voice says.

I look up from my bare feet to see Sophia walking over to me. She's just like me. All she has is a blue shirt with a rainbow on it, some spotty pyjama pants, her shoes, and the headband in her hair. Oh, and her dolly. Still, she smiles. I'm glad she's okay.

When she reaches me, I scoot over.

She sits next to me on the abandoned coffee-table I'm sitting on.

Neither of us say anythin' for a minute, and it's like that day on the picnic blanket again. Neither of us know what to say, so we say nothing. We watch Glenn and Morales go literal dumpster diving outside the office supply shop, and we both laugh when Glenn leans so far over the edge that he sorta just falls in. Morales has to pull him out by the back of his jeans. We hear him complain, Pinche idiota, as he tries very hard not to grab anywhere near Glenn's ass. He fishes Glenn out, who's splattered with dumpster-gunk and random bits of trash.

He holds up an object to Morales, grinning.

"Wonder what he found." Sophia giggles. "He must've really wanted it. I bet it was a new cap."

I find myself giggling, too. "I bet it was a giant bar of chocolate."

"I bet it was a neck pillow."

"I bet it was batteries for his Walkman."

"I bet it was a comic."

"I bet it was headphones to block out the sound of Dale's stories."

Sophia turns to look at me, a glint in her sleepy eyes and a smile between her cheeks. I think this is what friends do. When we hear Dale pulling out that poetry book again from nearby, ready to form another story circle while everybody waits, we burst into laughter.

I cover my mouth. "S'like he heard me."

"He's way too old for that." Sophia claims. "Old people have bad ears."

"Dale's not that old."

"Yeah, he is. He's got grey hair and glasses and everything!"

"Your Momma's got grey hair!" I remind her.

"Oh, yeah." She covers her mouth now, giggling and going pink. "Oopsie."

"Don't worry, I won't tell 'er you said that."

"You promise?"

"Yeah."

That's also somethin' friends do. They keep secrets.

"Pinkie promise?" Sophia offers.

I link my pinkie with hers, and we shake 'em.

"Pinkie promise." I say officially. "I won't ever tell your Momma that you called her super, super old."

"Hey!" She grins. "I didn't say that!"

"Okay." I shake our pinkies again. "I promise I won't ever tell your Momma you accidently called her a lil' bit old."

"Better." Sophia smiles. "Thanks."

We go back to watching Glenn and Morales together, 'cause it's a bit like watching an episode of Tom and Jerry. By now, they've cleaned out the office supply store and are checking out the pet shop. The door's all boarded up, but they ain't got tools to pry it open, so they just kinda tug at it for a while. I think Glenn asks Morales to try use a rock, 'cause he picks one up off the ground and pounds it against the nails in the wood, but he ends up dropping it onto his bare toes. He bends to soothe them, frowning. Glenn laughs. Me and Sophia laugh, too.

Glenn and Morales really are stumped, though. The door won't open, and the windows are all boarded up, too.

That's when my Dad emerges from the book shop. He's holding a plastic bag full of stuff, minding his own business. He's about to walk back when he spots Glenn and Morales acting like idiots. We watch as my Dad debates going over to 'em. Eventually, he does. He must actually call them idiots, 'cause the two men roll their eyes, but my Dad just unsheathes his knife and starts whittling the boards off the door.

When it's flimsy enough, he uses his shoulder to force it open. After three crack, crack, cracks, the door bursts open.

Glenn and Morales nod, thanking him.

My Dad walks away.

"Woah. Your Dad's nice?" Sophia whispers to herself. "I always thought he was scary."

A little, I almost tell her.

"Not really." I shrug, instead. "You know, everybody always says that."

"That's 'cause everybody's always gettin' glared at." She snickers. "He's got such a mean face. So did Merle. Not you, though."

I give her a confused look.

"Okay, maybe you do."

I push her lightly. "Whatever."

She snickers some more, which makes me smile.

"Really, though. It's nice he helped them."

I always knew my Dad wasn't a bad person. Someone can't be a bad person when they sing me to sleep every night, and keep my baby photos, and make sure I always eat 'fore they do, and go cold when there's only one blanket. They can't be bad when they make sure animals never suffer when we hunt 'em, and feed birds the bread from their lunches while they're on break, and recommend brands of diapers to other people in the baby aisle. My Dad's done all of those things.

But I never knew 'bout nice. Nice is for Disney princesses.

I think I see it, though. I wonder what changed. The only thing I can think of is Uncle Merle not bein' here no more. 'Cause I know that if he was here, my Dad wouldn't have helped Glenn and Morales get that door open. He also wouldn't be handing out books and magazines to the women, like he is right now. I watch as he gives Jacqui a fashion magazine, and then a small assortment of bookmarks he found to Dale, who's been dog-earing his poetry book up until now. Dale's face lights up. When they all start thanking him for the small gifts, my Dad quickly walks away.

Merle wanted to rob these people. I heard him talking about it one night.

You're not fuckin' serious. My Dad had scoffed to my Uncle, They got kids here. What if that was Harley?

My Uncle Merle used to beat me, too.

He was the first person to ever beat me.

When my Dad came home from his shift and found me shirtless on the sofa, covered in bruises with my hair all knotted, he went straight for the pistol they used to keep under the sink, cocked it, and barged into the spare bedroom, where Uncle Merle was knocked out in his bed. He'd been sniffing powder all day, which always made him crazy right before it made him sleepy. I remember hearing him fall to the floor. My Dad almost shot his brother in the face that night. They argued for a long, long time.

When my Dad came out, he was bruised, too.

He silently sat next to me and held me for so long that we both fell asleep there, watching cartoons on mute.

After that, my Dad started beating me, too.

Maybe like how my Momma used to be a part of me, Merle's still a part of my Dad.

I'm not sure if I miss that side of Merle.

I don't think I miss him.

That's what Sophia said about her dead Dad.

It's what I almost think about my Uncle Merle.

Almost.

But I don't, 'cause Merle's blood.

He's a part of me, too.

Glenn and Morales enter the pet shop, disappearing behind all the boarded windows. Since we can't watch them anymore, which makes Sophia pout, Aw, that was fun, we decide to pass the time by letting her do my hair instead. I bask in the sun while she takes her time weaving a bunch of braids into my hair — Big ones, lil' ones, wonky ones. She even braids my bangs, which we both think is really funny. She tells me I look like one of her old Barbie dolls, 'cause she used to always experiment on their hair. We talk about all the toys we used to have, like Littlest Pet Shop and Nerf guns. My first ever toy was a Nerf gun. When I tell Sophia, she tells me her first ever toy was a pink teddy bear.

It's not long before we notice Glenn walking up to us. He's holding something behind his back.

"Hey, guys." He calls out, grinning. "Nice hair."

"She looks pretty, doesn't she?" Sophia smiles. "You want me to do yours?"

He laughs. "Uh... maybe later. Thanks."

"What's behind your back?" I ask him, trying to take a peek.

"Oh, yeah. You have to close your eyes." He says, and then he realizes that Sophia might feel left out, so he tacks on, "A-And you, too, Sophia."

"No, it's okay." She shrugs. "It's for Harley, right?"

"What? How'd you know?" He frowns. "It could just be something cool I'm showing you guys. You don't know."

"When have you ever shown us something cool?" Sophia teases.

"I found that lizard, that one time."

"It was dead!"

I roll my eyes, laughing. "Glenn, just show it to us!"

"Okay, okay. Close your eyes first."

"Do I have to?"

"Uh, duh." Glenn tells me. "It's what's-behind-my-back protocol. So, close your eyes."

Me and Sophia glance at each other, and then I do as he says.

"They're closed." I promise him.

"Awesome." And just three seconds later, after some rustling, he says, "Now open them again."

I open my eyes. I expect to see an interesting rock, or maybe a leaf with a weird pattern. I would love that. But that's not at all what Glenn's holding out to me. He's holding a small pair of yellow rain boots. My jaw drops open. These boots are more than banana-yellow, or sunshine-yellow. They're offensively yellow. They're possibly the brightest, most shocking, most blinding color yellow, ever. They've got little cartoon lady-bugs printed all over them, and one super big lady-bug on each ankle. This must be what he found in the dumpster.

They must've been easy to spot. You can prolly spot these things from a mile away. It must be like wearing the sun.

"Happy late birthday." Glenn smiles, a little awkward, like he's not sure if I like 'em.

I reach out for the boots, and he lets me take 'em.

Yellow — My favorite color.

"Oh my God," Sophia gasps. "They're so cute."

I can't believe my eyes.

"They're perfect," I gape. "It's the best birthday gift ever, Glenn."

"Sorry I couldn't find any socks," He says. "This place was all pretty much picked clean."

I pull the boots onto my feet, and it turns out that not only are they the perfect color — They're also the perfect fit. They're not too tight, not too loose. I kick my legs up and down, feeling them out. They've got a little dumpster-sludge smeared on them, and there's a hole in the toe, but they're perfect. These are my favorite boots ever.

"Thank you, Glenn." I grin down at my new boots, tapping my toes together. "I love 'em."

He looks proud of himself.

I'm already feeling a little bit better about everything that happened at the CDC.

"You're welcome." He sticks his hands in his pockets, awkward as ever. He says goodbye to each of us and walks off toward everyone else.

"Glenn's nice, too." Sophia smiles.

I think back to the CDC, and that morning on the RV. "Yeah," I smile back, admiring my boots. "He is."

"Harley! Come on, it's time to go!"

When my Dad calls for me from the truck, I feel my smile fade almost all at once. I'm not looking forward to another silent car ride with him. It's like we can almost hear what each other wants to say, but I'm too scared to speak up, and he's too stubborn. He'd rather pretend there's nothing we need to talk about in the first place. I'm not looking forward to watching his every move, worried he'll reach out for me every time he reaches for the gear stick. I'm not looking forward to the weird look he gives me after, neither. It's like drowning without the water. 

I'm not looking forward to it at all.

I almost wish I was allowed to ride in the RV, with Glenn, instead. We could talk more about happy things.

Dad calls out for me again, louder this time. "You gonna make me repeat myself?"

Sophia gives me a little smile, but it's way too sad-looking.

"Bye, Harley."

"Bye, Sophia."

At least I have some cool boots, now.

When I climb into the passenger side, my Dad scoffs, frowning. "Fuck happened to your hair?"

"Nothin'."

I spend the whole car ride undoing Sophia's braids.

Author's Note.

We are finally done with the CDC 😭

I decided to keep Jacqui alive because Jim doesn't really die per se, in this fic, which I think is her main reason for wanting to stay at the CDC in the show. Morales' family is still here, too, but we'll get back to canon pretty soon since we're entering season two.

I really hope you enjoyed this chapter!! Sending love! :)

[orbmanson7]

I refuse to wait for this poll to end before posting, so here we go - a nice, long analysis of why Herbert is or isn't lying about killing Dan's pet cat, Rufus.

(Here's your warning that animal death will be discussed a lot in this post, so please heed that warning!)

To start, let's first discuss why Herbert is likely lying and did kill the cat.

Obviously, his motives are suspect. He has intentions to get close to Dan (hence why he took on his roommate offer), and wanted to show him that reanimation was possible in order to convince Dan to help him (because he knew Dan had access to the morgue as part of his job at the hospital, which would give him a way to test human subjects).

It makes sense that he would kill the cat to use as an example of what he could do with his reagent, to impress Dan and prove the reagent's efficacy. It may also bring some brownie points if he claimed the cat had died by accident and then he graciously brought it back to life (which could potentially give him motive to kill it in the first place).

Additionally, it's important to remember Meg was suspicious of Herbert from the moment she met him. However completely unfounded, she was scared of him and uncomfortable in his presence, and she lets Dan know this (subtly at first, then outright later on). Meg's worries are what lead her to searching for the cat and then her suspicion towards Herbert is what led her to check in his room, which is how she finds the cat in his mini-fridge, dead.

She alerts Dan and then immediately accuses Herbert. Now, given the circumstances, it is extremely bizarre to have a dead cat in your fridge, for sure, and it's understandable for her to come to the conclusion he did something to kill the cat only because of this. However, she was already suspicious of Herbert for no reason before this instance. She had already suspected him, despite him having done nothing to warrant it before that point, so she was absolutely biased in her accusation.

Now - pause on that thought. This means that, in order for this lie to make sense to Dan, Herbert would have to have been aware of Rufus' common behaviors. While we don't see this behavior much ourselves, we do know that Rufus likes to jump up on Dan, and Meg confirms that this seems to happen often to both her and Dan whenever she visits. It's also extremely typical cat behavior. Meg also notes that when Herbert is around, Rufus would run away from him, but Dan remarks that this is also typical cat behavior (which it is). Given what we do know about Rufus, Meg's remark about how he knocks things over when she visits and especially Dan's comments implying he's often mischievous while they go looking for him, it's understandable to think the cat may have genuinely knocked over the garbage and gotten into the resulting mess. This may have even been an occurrence that did happen in the past, and Herbert then used a partial truth when explaining the situation to Dan later, making it far more believable.

He then explains, specifically to Dan in a soft and calm voice, that he had found the cat dead, that it seemed to have knocked over the trash and gotten its head stuck in a jar. A very simple and easy explanation that could have been believable, given the cat's known behavior.

But then, as Dan asks, why would he keep the cat in the fridge and not tell Dan? Well, Herbert has an alibi, of course. He was busy away from home, and explains that he didn't want to just leave the dead animal there for Dan to find later or for it to "stink up the place." Again, these are completely understandable reasons, even if devoid of emotional attachment to the cat.

When Dan asks why he didn't call or leave a note, Herbert plays to Dan's sensibilities, asking what a note could possibly say. And he's got a point there; it would likely have been even worse if he had merely written a note and given very little detail to explain what happened. This is something that would require discussion, not a quick "Cat dead. Details later." written to spook Dan (and Meg) and rile them up before he arrived to give those details.

Given this does seem like a lie, it makes sense that Herbert would be able to capture and suffocate the cat fairly easily, store it in his fridge until he was able to return from work, and then have the opportunity to most likely show Dan that the cat was dead before reanimating it, creating a perfect example of what his reagent was capable of achieving and use that to impress him. With this, he could then sway Dan into helping him, because Dan had access to the morgue which meant Herbert could get access to corpses to test his reagent on people.

It lines up, it makes sense.

The only factor he couldn't control with this plan was Meg going into his room and revealing things before he had the chance to do so himself, which made him sound defensive and his lies seem less believable because they could be seen as excuses in the moment. It didn't help that Meg also insisted that the cat hated him and therefore he killed it. However, this was a lousy and emotionally-driven reason that didn't have any proof behind it, which is why Herbert doesn't even bother giving her a response at first.

And while I have also seen it argued that, much like his distaste for Meg, Rufus was technically someone who had some of Dan's attention and maybe that was a reason Herbert could have wanted him gone, so that the cat was out of the way once he convinced Dan to help him, I find this to be quite a stretch. But, given how Herbert clearly wants Dan's attention, it's not impossible.

It's also interesting to note the other moments where Herbert lies in this movie (and in Bride, if you want to count those, too). Herbert often seems to have at least a general plan laid out for what to say, even if he's having to think on his feet. He'd have been a decent chess player, given his strategy seems to be that he takes into account what he knows about the person he's lying to, what actions are available for him to take, and what actions may result from it. This allows him to remain one or two steps ahead of anyone in many situations, and seems to work very well in his favor.

For example, after the first fiasco down in the morgue, when the security guard, Mace, comes in to figure out what's happened, Herbert was either lucky or quickly aware that Mace and Dan were acquainted in some way (Mace does immediately ask if Dan's okay before addressing the gruesome situation in the room, so Herbert may have noticed this). Herbert tells the guard that he had come down there to see Dan, which lines up with Mace's understanding of the situation - he knew Dan had just brought a body into the morgue before he left to go get 'coffee'. It's understandable that someone had come by while he was away and if they knew Dan, then they may have known he was working in there. This sentence also means Herbert is relying on Mace's trust in Dan, not in his trust of Herbert (which is probably non-existent), giving Herbert a slight advantage in getting him to believe his story.

Next, Herbert explains that the dean had entered and had started ranting at them irrationally, which is somewhat actually true. Using truth, even a partial truth, can be really helpful in selling a lie. Not only were they already aware that the dean was angry with them before this, Dan had told Herbert that he'd kicked them out of the school (per the Integral Cut, at least) so they knew if the dean found out they had gone down to the morgue to do this experiment, he'd be even more pissed. Herbert could absolutely rely on that anger as a supposed motive for Dean Halsey's actions when making up his story.

Oddly, Meg steps in to argue that her father (the dean) was "just angry" which actually gives Herbert's lie more credibility here, not less. It makes what he described seem more believable, because Meg had just confirmed part of Herbert's statement. This is especially helpful as he further explains to the guard that the dean had attacked a corpse with a bone saw and "went crazy."

Something interesting to note here is that Herbert refers to the bone saw as "that thing" as though he doesn't know what it is. Well, he definitely knows what it is, so why did he lie about this specifically? Again, this may have been to sway the guard's opinion of him. Unlike just before this, he couldn't stake this part on Mace's trust in Dan. Instead, he needed Mace to believe him, and 'playing dumb' to some extent - not understanding why the dean was angry with them, simplifying the dean's supposed actions as only "he went crazy," and referring to the bone-saw as "that thing" - it all makes Herbert seem more like an innocent victim in this situation. If he were to display knowledge of the tools used, regardless of being a literal med student who has taken classes on how to use this exact tool, it would have only made him look more suspicious, even if it shouldn't have if he actually was innocent. So Herbert plays a little bit dumb, explaining things in simple terms but making himself seem only as informed as the guard was, with very little understanding of the situation or why it occurred.

All in all, it's a good lie.

And if he's able to lie so well in such an intense situation like that, it makes sense that he could lie easily in the situation with Dan's cat.

But there's one lie Herbert tells that tripped me up a bit, and I had to really think about it to understand his motives for why he would lie in that moment and how he went about doing it.

Following the instance where Dan finds out about his cat being dead, there's a scene where Herbert has applied his reagent to the cat in the basement but it has apparently begun attacking him. The noise wakes Dan up and he helps fight off the cat before realizing that's what it is.

We then get a scene where Herbert shows Dan his notes and explains what his reagent can do. He is trying to impress Dan, by explaining his achievements and his plans to go further with it. But then Dan asks him, both incredulously and point blank, "You haven't done this on people?"

Herbert stares at him, silent, then looks away, then reaches up to scratch his neck before saying, "I've done all I can here" and changes the topic entirely.

This is a lie of omission, and the audience knows this because we know that he has 'done this on people', or at least one person - Dr. Gruber. However, as we can recall, that was not exactly what one would call successful. And given that Herbert is trying to convince Dan all because he wants to get access to the morgue for more subjects, he likely hasn't had many opportunities to try his reagent on other people yet.

So, if Herbert were to be honest here and tell Dan "yes," it would go against his goal of trying to impress Dan. If he's done this on a person, then why wasn't it already the biggest news in the world? Well, because it wasn't successful. Herbert having to admit that would ruin the progress he's already made in convincing Dan of the reagent's efficacy at this point in the conversation. He needs Dan to believe that this will work, and not worry about the consequences if it doesn't. Never mind that every scientist has to do things wrong a bunch of times before they get it right, when human lives are what's at stake, there's a lot more riding on the results. To tell Dan the truth here would be detrimental to his intentions, so he can't tell the truth.

But then, why not lie? Again, depending on how much he explained, his intentions are to use this on humans, but if he lies and says he hasn't, Dan has a lot more things to be concerned about. There's a reason a lot of chemicals and products can't get approval for human testing, because it can be extremely dangerous, and Herbert's reagent is by far no exception. If he were to tell Dan assuredly that he'd never used this on a person before, it could ruin his chances at convincing Dan to try it on a person at all. Herbert is already working against Dan's moralistic nature here, adding something more to that mix could potentially flip his already swaying opinion and keep Herbert from obtaining what he wants.

So he can't lie, either.

This is why it had tripped me up initially when I was thinking it over. Why would Herbert have so much difficulty lying to Dan when he had done it so well just two scenes back? Was it because Dan had asked him point blank like that, and he hadn't prepared a response? Surely he would have guessed Dan would want to know if he'd been successful trying his reagent on people, why hadn't he prepared something to say? Oddly, the simple answer was that it was likely funnier to have Herbert kind of flounder for a second and not know what to say, shaking his confidence for a moment. But it also makes sense that he didn't want to move Dan's opinion any further in either direction, so he decided to simply say nothing and then change the subject, keeping Dan exactly where he wanted him to be. Surprisingly, Dan (tired and already confused) just went along with it without questioning him again. Maybe he just didn't want to think about the implications, but who knows?

Regardless, it proves that Herbert is good enough at reading the people around him to determine the best ways to lie to them.

But what if it wasn't a lie? What if he really hadn't killed Rufus?

Well, let's discuss why it's still possible he hadn't been lying in this particular instance.

First, back to Meg's immediate distrust of Herbert and how it was completely unfounded. At that point in the movie, Herbert had not done anything to warrant Meg's suspicion, and yet she suspected he was up to something. Because of this, the audience was already expecting Herbert to do something awful, so we're more inclined to believe he's lying when he says he didn't kill the cat. But, given that Herbert hadn't done anything wrong before this point, there is no reason to doubt what he's saying (if we don't count the audience knowing about Dr. Gruber, but we clearly didn't have the full story there, either.)

Beyond this, if his goal here was to get close to Dan, why on earth would he fully intend to kill Dan's pet, especially if he knew how fond Dan was of Rufus? Herbert clearly put thought into answering Dan's roommate ad, because he knew it would allow him to get closer to Dan. Likely, his hope was to be on good terms with him and he would then leverage this friendship as a way to gain access to the morgue at the hospital, because the only thing he really knew about Dan was what he had learned from their brief encounter at the beginning of the movie, which was mostly that Dan seemed to be on decent terms with the dean and that he had access to the morgue. That's it. Factors like Dan's house having a basement, Dan having a girlfriend who happened to be the daughter of the dean of the university, and that Dan had a pet cat were all technically unknown to him when answering the roommate ad.

If his plan in all this was to get on Dan's good side, why would he kill his pet? Outside of the potential theory I posited earlier that it may earn him some brownie points if he reanimated Rufus for Dan, that would still mean he'd have the intention to kill the cat in the first place. And Meg had suggested that the cat hated Herbert, which isn't really a good reason for someone to kill a cat (even for Herbert), especially given how gentle he's trying to be with Dan throughout this scene.

It doesn't really line up that he would intentionally plan out and murder Dan's pet cat, just so he could reanimate it and prove what he can do. Really, he could've just caught a squirrel or rabbit and bring that back to life if the goal was just to show off his reagent. Even if bringing back Rufus would get him some brownie points (assuming it worked), Herbert wouldn't be at an advantage, he'd still be at the mercy of what Dan decided to do. If not given enough time, if the reanimation was unsuccessful, or if the reanimated cat attacked Dan (which it did), these were all variables that Herbert had to have already accounted for (his notes literally state that the larger the mammal he'd tested the reagent on, the more violent they'd become, after all) before he would do this experiment. And it could have resulted in Dan kicking him out, ruining Herbert's initial plan to get close to him and delaying any progress he'd already made.

Herbert thinks ahead, plans his actions out, considers all his options before acting. It does not make a lot of sense that Herbert would kill Rufus if he had wanted to get close to Dan, regardless of the fact that he was trying to manipulate him.

However, it does make sense that if Herbert happened upon an already dead (or dying, but not there yet) cat, he could easily come up with this scheme to use it to convince Dan of what he could do. (Convenient test subject and all.) Which, in a way, is still lying, but if he wasn't the one who killed the cat, then all he'd be guilty of is not informing Dan right away, and since he had somewhere to be, he could use that to his advantage when asked. This leaves Herbert's reputation with Dan relatively unscathed, because he isn't causing the incident, he's simply participating in its aftermath, same as Dan.

This may also be why some of his lines seem rehearsed when explaining what happened, because he had probably planned out beforehand what he would say when he intended to show Dan what happened (though, Herbert's actor did admit during the commentary track that he had to run this specific scene when they auditioned literally every Dan and Meg actor for the role and that he'd gotten really tired of this dialogue after running it so many times, so there may be a bit more reason to his line delivery sounding like that).

And, if that part wasn't a lie, even if parts of his explanation were rehearsed or planned out, that doesn't take away from other scenes where he does lie about other things, including when Dan asks him point blank about using the reagent on people or his cover story to the security guard in the morgue. The boy's a very good liar, I'll give him that, so maybe he's got some of us fooled?

So, using Dan's cat dying as a way to manipulate him into helping him? Not great, but at least it wouldn't make him a cat murderer.

Also interesting to note, but when Herbert mentions how he found the cat dead because it had tipped over the garbage and gotten its head stuck in a jar, both Dan and Meg glance at each other with a knowing look. While this could be interpreted a couple different ways, such as Meg looking at Dan as if to silently say "can you really believe this obvious lie?", it could also indicate that this is a very believable situation to them, and that Rufus may have even done something like this in the past, which leaves them both recognizing that. Given Meg's comment about Rufus knocking stuff over a lot and Dan saying he has 'tricks', this lends far more to Herbert being innocent in this instance, that he isn't lying because something like this has already happened.

But, as I said before, using partial truth when lying is the key to being believed, so it could just as easily be a cover story for what really happened, or it could be the genuine truth or at least Herbert's understanding of what actually had occurred.

It's understandable that this has been a tough one to figure out, because there's a lot of reason to believe he lied, but there's plenty of reason to believe he didn't, as well.

Overall, it seems to be less about your opinion on Herbert in general and more about your opinion on his motives and intentions.

Did he want to kill the cat to accomplish his mission? Or did he see the cat as an obstacle he could get rid of? Why would he need to remove the cat if he was already confident he could manipulate Dan before he even knew the cat existed? Why couldn't he use any other animal, unless this one was just the most convenient at the time?

I think it all depends on how low you think he'd stoop to get what he wanted, really.

[moiteneia]

Richarlyson´s...Hope?

I saw a theory on twitter (and i am sorry, the page reload and i didn´t found the tweet again to put the credits, but know that this theory is not completely mine!):

The theory is about the Myosotis Egg: what if they didn´t die, but have their memories erased? Let´s talk about something. I don´t know if everyone know about the lore that Richarlyson have, but I will try summarize it. SO! Richarlyson from the beginning is different from the other eggs. He doesn´t have his own bed, he wasn´t the same admin in the first day (was Chayene´s admin), he doesn´t have his own space in the adoption center... And, well, everyone knows that the Richas admin draws very well! So, for those who don't follow Forever and Cellbit's lives, let me explain. The Brazilian egg has a "second personality". Yes, he always likes to put on different heads and make jokes, but... Ever since he got to know the art studio at Cellbit´s Castelo and painted a picture similar to that of Brazilian artist Romero Britto, strange things started to appear for both parents. Bizarre pictures, diaries in both English and Portuguese threatening the two and saying weird things. A creature that seems to want to harm Richas, as if he were just a shell and that thing wanted to take him for itself (even hurting him). First, when I saw this theory that the little forgotten egg, Myosotis, was, in fact, Richas, I found it crazy and even bizarre to think about it. BUT, what if in Lore it really makes sense? It's strange that Richa's admin didn't control the egg on the first day. Of course, he could be messed up in real life, but let's just think about Lore, okay? The little egg Myosotis wrote a book entirely in English. Richas on the first day had a lot of difficulty to fully understanding the Brazilians, looking like maybe he was still learning the language. This second personality does not speak portuguese and, ok, maybe the admin wants to differentiate well who is Richas and who is the creature speaking, but there are ways to change the way of writing in Portuguese to identify them (capslock for example). So let's remember the arrival of the Brazilians. The ship was clearly not heading towards the island, the captain received a message that they were heading towards danger, there was nothing to receive them (unlike the French who had as much the theater as an egg waiting in its own nest of adoption). And if all that didn't already seem purposeful, as well as the fact that Richas didn't have a bed while Pomme already had hers from day one. So this theory that maybe the myosotis egg didn't die, but it's actually Richas could be true! And, their memories are there, encapsulated and trying to escape, but...Now, they´re not asking for help. They´re angry, they´re been left alone too long, they´re been too hungry, and when they finally gets their chance to be happy, they has their memories erased, replaced by something they doesn't even recognize as "someone" ( the creature whenever they talks about Richarlyson uses the pronoun "it", as if They doesn't care for who he is). What do you think? OTHER THING: Richalyson said to q!Cellbit that Pomme was waiting in the adoption center WAY before he was there, so...Maybe he was at that different adoption center where the Myosotis egg´s diary was found by q!Cellbit and Richarlyson just doesn't remember it?

[eirian-houpe]

Asking game: 12, 21, 39, 63, 64 and 67 ;-)

Thank you for the ask, my friend - here are my answers:

12. how does receiving or not receiving feedback/support impact you? Well now, if you look back on my blog here (or anywhere else if you happen to know where they are) you will already know that I'm a loud and obnoxious advocate for reader engagement. That's primarily because... well actually maybe what I was about to say was not the whole truth. So I'll start over.

I'm a teacher. More than that, I'm a special education teacher, and I know how important and motivating feedback and support can be for my students, and so I'd be lying if I said it didn't affect me at all. The truth is that more than ever the older I get, (and the less time I have to spend on the things I like to do for leisure and enjoyment), the more motivation I have to continue a project comes from knowing that others are enjoying reading what I write, or looking at the things I make - or are at least reading it, even if they're ambivalent. I know that I'm not the only writer in any number of fandoms that feel the same. This is also the reason that if someone comments on a fic, I'll always try to answer it, because writers engaging with the readers is also important. It's a transactional process in that respect.

21. Would you ever collaborate with another writer for a story? I have done it a few times in the past, once with great success, but unfortunately most often time not, though I think that depended more on the personality of the other writer than the actual process, so I think my answer would be, and would have to be, it depends. It's a matter of trust, I think, and where it was a great success, I trusted the other writers implicitly.

39. Share a snippet from a WIP. Thank you for asking. Here is a little snipped from the next chapter of Laer o Faen. It isn't much, but you are welcome to it.

It was a strange dichotomy. The building of the elven home around him set against the tearing down of everything Elvenkind held dear barely a breath away across the Bruinen. The rushing of the river between at once soothing, and unnerving each in its turn. It was night that brought the respite from the constant worry, albeit but a blink of it, for he knew the gathered orcs would not try to ford the Loudwater, as swollen as it was by recent rains.

63. Something you hate to see in smut. Oooh, tough room. Um... wow, um.... I guess the biggest thing I hate to see in smut, the one thing that has me cringing is when a writer uses bizarre euphemisms for body parts. I mean, I get it, not everyone is comfortable with, (or confident enough to) use some of the words most commonly used for genitalia, but excessive beating around the bush (no puns intended), can be a little tiresome. I guess as I've gotten older using and reading those words don't bother me so much any more. I do still dislike the use of the four letter word beginning with c and ending with t used to reference the female sex. It's not a deal breaker, but yeah, I think it still carries a negative connotation for me.

64. Something you love to see in smut. Attention given to all of the senses, and a maintenance of viewpoint character. Nothing worse than headhopping in the middle of rip roaring sex to make a reader's head spin.

67. Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas? More often than not, I have a hard time with prompts, but by the same token many, if not most of my fics (and some of my best) have come from prompts or challenges - usually from @peacehopeandrats when they say something like, "You know, I read this book and it would be perfect to Rumbelle." Then I go and read the book and they're right, and then my brain can't stop trying to Rumbelle the story. That's how The Library Beneath the Clock Tower came about, among others.

Thank you so much for the questions. I hope you enjoy the answers.

[mothshrub]

[Spoilers for The Creator 2023]

I'm not generally a huge fan of plots that go 'the anti-robot person is on a journey to become less racist' for a variety of reasons, mainly being that at this point I've seen so many bad attempts at it that I don't have a ton of trust.

The Creator was an interesting case because... it kind of took a lot of tropes that I generally hate, but then polished them enough that although I still hate the tropes, there was genuinely a solid story throughout it all.

I still don't buy the idea of Joshua actually being able to get back together with Maya in a happy family kind of ending. But then, the movie didn't buy it either, because although it was Joshua's fantasy, it... isn't actually what happened.

Sure, a version did? He saw a robot version of Maya with his wife's memories and they embraced and kissed and were happy to see each other. This was also a version of his wife who'd been in a coma for five years, potentially heard his whole confession of regretting everything and apologizing and probably saying everything she wished she could've heard and lived out. Then she wakes up out of her coma and she has no idea where she is, except she's probably definitely on a ship that's about to crash and burn, and she's gonna die, and then she sees her former husband at the end of the world in this bizarre heaven/hell where they're the only thing either of them has left? Does she even know she's alive, and that she has minutes to live, at minimum from the chip in her brain giving out? Did she notice she was an android, is part of her disorientation about that on top of everything?

Yeah, I could buy her embracing the former father of her former child in that moment. I don't think I could buy her having an easy time dealing with 'ok, I swear I'm not allied to the americans and their anti-robot policy' Part 2 Electric Boogaloo (because they did that before once already) in a longer term where they actually had to consider trying to make a new life together without some major trust issues, but this wasn't that. This was a desperate grab for them to hold onto something at the end of the world.

(None of this even starts examining the part where his actions are what led to the destruction of Maya, which the movie still definitely includes. He betrayed her, and she's injured to the point of being trapped in a coma that only death can free her from. Yes, what's left of her embraces him at the end, but... she never recovers.)

Outside of that... I have more thoughts, including what felt like a move where the robot side rescued Alphie and Joshua after Joshua helps them defend her from the american forces. Like--on the one hand, enemy-of-my-enemy and all that, but on the other, Joshua had literally kidnapped Alphie out from under them before as soon as it was safe, and he was STILL needing Alphie to find Maya! If their confidence in him was half born because Alphie was too injured to be moved, then I probably missed that part, because what jumped out at me was a sense of him getting trust that was unearned. (What if he'd tried to run off with her even while she was hurt, and his earlier defense of her was only so that she wasn't completely destroyed?)

From there I feel like there's a question of 'sometimes even risky people need to be given shelter and safety and trust to be able to finish their personal journey', and that this movie is showing a case where yes, that was part of Joshua's story. The question of 'would I personally make the choice to trust someone who has REPEATEDLY betrayed us with high stakes and devastating results' is very different to 'is this the story being told, and was it an emotionally coherent story'. I feel like it was coherent, particularly given how they had it all play out. The harm of Joshua's actions is shown, partly through the lens of the cruelty of the people he kept company with and partly through the direct lens of how cruel and dehumanising he was to Alphie and other androids. He ultimately was in a unique position to be able to bring Alphie on the mission that the robots wanted in the first place, even if they'd expected it to happen much much later, and he did it, even at huge expense to himself. He even managed to get Alphie out!

I guess what I'm saying is I have Complicated Emotions about the movie, and it felt like it was bullseyeing multiple tropes that I normally strongly dislike, but doing them in ways that.... weren't as bad as they could've been?

Robo-racist goes on a journey and becomes a little less racist. (Played straight, but at least they were thorough in explaining how robots were never the heart of what actually killed his parents in the first place, and this robot child remembered and internalized everything he said to her, and the racists he was allied with weren't just Individuals With Bad Experiences but rather were systematically cruel with total monsters interspersed.)

Dude is horrible to his romantic other and the problems get swept aside. (They were, but... also kind of not? She never recovers from his betrayal in a physical sense, even with the temporary android twist at the end. Everything he talked to his coma-wife about was based on his own understandings and views of what he did wrong, which was still flawed, and he only had a few minutes to try, but he also did say everything he could think of in the time that he had, and we see his later actions definitely do reflect a change.)

Redemption through death. (Death is the conclusion of his journey, but arguably his redemption comes from keeping Alphie alive, bringing her to the spaceship, helping her take down the ship, then getting her out of there. He gets the reward of his wife at the end, which, eeeh, but she seemed happy to see him too, whatever tangle of stuff is going on inside herself as well.)

Anyway... good movie, imo. Fantastic graphics. I have a completely separate tangent about them someday, but that's a later thing.