#he simply has So Much Energy
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jay is so fucking annoying in d1 i love him
#he does not give a single shit <3#it does make you realise how much he mellows in d2 & 3 like in d1 he’s just fucking insane#he simply has So Much Energy#and i love how cocky he is like he just has so much Confidence#<- to hide his overwhelming insecurities‼️#idk idk like he doesn’t particularly care about getting the wand (‘find the wand blah blah blah’)#he just went bc his gang was going#& now his thieving/physical skills are useless in auradon#he has nowhere to direct all this energy he usually spends on pickpocketing or parkour#and i love how much he (affectionately) bullies carlos especially#and he and mal are constantly squabbling#and evie laughs at his jokes <3#i mean i also often characterise jay as being the yes man and he IS. but also he’s going to be so annoying about it first#like yeah he’ll do whatever mal tells him. but he’s going to argue about it whilst doing it <3#descendants liveblog#<- i’m on a d1 rewatch rn
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you can always tell when someone doesn't have maga men in their life and god it makes me angry.. "if you're nice and compassionate you can be the one woman that makes them realize women aren't mean!" my mom bent over backwards for my dad for 25 fucking years he has plenty of other women kissing his ass and it never changed anything. do you really think that before being radicalized they never knew a single kind woman? they were never friends with a nice girl? alt-right men's problem with women isn't just that they've experienced too many mean women and they need to be shown that women can be nice, it's that they think women are inferior and don't deserve rights and don't understand anything so you can do what you want with them. and it takes a lot more than being nice to show someone that you aren't inferior. this isn't a case of being nice even when it's hard for the sake of deradicalization, it's about spending every fucking interaction with someone trying to get them to see you as a human being with value and a functioning intellect while they just laugh and show you that's never going to happen.
i cannot stress this enough: random women are not just going out and Being Mean to men. ur average guy interacts with plenty of women throughout his life- close women amongst their friends and family, casual interactions etc. most people don't start out being shunned by women, they start out being treated as NORMAL. & when they show their disrespect in normal society, it isn't tolerated, but when they go to alt-right spaces (which they're pushed towards online) they're told they're allowed to be as horrible as they want with no consequences because they're entitled to everything. it isn't "women aren't welcoming and the alt-right is so friendly so i'll become alt-right," it's "women don't let me disrespect them and the alt-right tells me fuck them, do whatever you want, you're entitled to it all" and why would you choose the group where you have to be a normal accountable person when there's a group that will reward you for being a shithead who gives no fucks?
the alt-right can afford to be more friendly and welcoming because they can allow bigotry. this can't work the same way for progressive spaces because we can be as kind & welcoming as possible but at the end of the day we have lines where we have to say "this behavior/speech isn't allowed in this space," and for certain people, that just can't win against a space where you can be as nasty as you want. these posts always end with a disclaimer saying "of course being kind doesnt mean you need to tolerate their bigotries" but what they don't realize and what drives me crazy is that women not tolerating bigotry IS the "women are mean" that radicalized them in the first place. they perceive you pushing back on any bigotry or bullshit as you being a meanie and treating them like they're ontologically evil. the 'kindness' they need to be deradicalized is you letting them walk all over you.
idk what the answer is to deradicalizing them and im sure relationships are part of it but you can be as kind as you want and all it will do is destroy you ime. i cant stand to see people (who have never even successfully deradicalized any man by being nice btw they always speak in hypotheticals and not from experience) double down on telling women to do things that will see no results and only hurt them, especially when any woman who has tried can tell you exactly how it went
#being as nasty as possible & shitting on everyone while giving no fucks makes you popular in certain spaces. that's tempting no matter what#to immature ppl. part of growing up is learning that you cant do that and real relationships need you to not do that#but that sucks. you could just ignore it and join the alt-right to be a manchild forever#if ur an asshole who wld u wanna hang out with: ur wife who says please dont be an asshole to me or ur bros who say she's a hysterical bitc#& u did nothing wrong?#if u had a maga dad/brother/uncle & u heard the way they talk about women its never abt being mean lol#it's abt how women are hysterical & sensitive & get upset at everything they do#im so sorry but a normal guy (i know & am friends with many) doesnt simply become an MRA because his girl friends made 1 men suck joke#if a guy truly has no fulfilling friendships with women or girls to the point where some feminist group 'being too mean' can radicalize him#bc he doesnt have any kind women in his life to prove that wrong. he already had issues.#you reach a certain point in your friendship with these guys where youve been SO kind and so supportive and welcoming and played therapist#for ages and then they turn around and say 'im voting trump cuz i like his personality better lol i dont care about rights and that bs'#even if you can deradicalize someone by being kind thats years of insane unreciprocated energy for ONE guy#who will end up being the person who never posts abt feminism except to say i became alt right because women were mean so be nice girls!#nobody tells anyone else to accept full blown bigots in their spaces either much less BEFRIEND them#bc nobody is expected to do this kind of service except women. <3#eat ass.
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walermelom
#fatfur#my art#taur#keez#i love this feller so much#he is simply a soft guy#as my friends say#he has labrador energy
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Thinking about possessive Chigiri. Anyone would get scarily protective if they lost their dream. He lost his career and his passion over a simple injury. People avoided him because of how closed off he got and he refused to let others get near.
When you saw him again after his injury he didn't look at you once. Only giving you one word answers and nods. You understood how much it destroyed him but it was still hard to see the effects.
But then he started avoiding everybody. Holding himself up in his room and attempting to rot into the earth. Oftentimes his sister would end up calling you in tears because of his refusal to take care of himself.
So it's no wonder you began heading over to their house more to try and help him. It was still Chigiri. The boy that you had found yourself enamored with even before he got crazy good at football.
Albeit, it was not easy taking care of him with his mood swings and injury. Often you and him found yourselves frustrated with each other because of that lack of communication and progress. Regardless, you two worked through it because what was the point of a relationship if you couldn't help each other when you needed each other?
It was around the time he finally started healing, his stitches finally disappearing and finally going from a wheelchair to crutches did you begin seeing that change. How he would follow you everywhere if you were together, always close to you. How he would begin messaging and calling you if you disappeared on him or were talking with someone else (and while this did annoy you, you found it oddly adorable). He even began messaging you at all hours of the day even if he had nothing to say.
You weren't one to reject such affection and took it in stride but you'd be lying if you said it didn't worry you on his sudden switch up. Perhaps it's because he finally has energy to put into his relationship now but that thought only puts a pit in your stomach. Because what if he finds something else? You aren't willing to stay if you were only a replacement for something.
However what you learned right before he went off to Blue Lock was in fact the complete opposite. That only after he got injured did he realize how much he genuinely cared for you. Couldn't stop thinking about you. How he would sit with his phone in his hand wanting to call you even though he could barely move a muscle.
How more often than not he found himself dreaming of you. Wanting you. Waking up in a cold sweat upon realizing you weren't there. How as the days grew longer the more he realized that he needed you next to him always.
His injury most certainly messed him up but it also made him realize many things about himself that he wouldn't give up for the world.
---
"Where are you going?"
You glance back at him, "Groceries, remember? I'm still helping your mom and sister, idiot," You stick your tongue out at him, getting another blanket to put under his leg as he sits on the couch.
His once neutral face turns into a small frown as he sets his head down upon the couch. He sighs, briefly fluttering his eyes and you immediately can tell he's doing it on purpose. Prick.
"Do you need an ice pack?" You chuckle as he crosses his arms and blows a piece of hair out of his face.
He rolls his eyes, "I'm not a baby."
"you're kind of acting like one right now," You raise your eyebrows as he immediately turns to you.
He groans, "You've gotten so much bolder since you've had to take care of me."
You smile, "No, you just never noticed."
He opens his mouth to say something but quickly shuts it again. His brows furrow and his fists tighten.
"Sorry," you smile, "Anyways, do you want an ice pack?"
"No, I want you," He says lowly, almost coming out as a growl.
You blink, "I'm right here, aren't I?"
He extends his arms, "How much clearer do I have to get, idiot?"
You let out a little chortle as you set down the blanket, walking over to him as he quickly goes to knock you down over him.
You squeak as you fall atop of him, his arms going to wrap around you like a vice as his head goes into your neck and nuzzles.
"Are you trying to hurt your knee again," you say incredulously, "Don't knock me over like that," You laugh as you thread your fingers through his hair. It's softer than you last remember.
He hums into your neck as his hold tightens around you. You slowly relax into his hold as you realize he doesn't plan on releasing you anytime soon.
"You okay?" You ask quietly, your voice barely above a whisper as your breath brushes against his ear. You feel him shiver against you and it makes your heart swell.
"Yeah," he glances up at you with a heavy expression and your face flushes.
This idiot.
#blue lock#chigiri hyoma#bllk#bllk chigiri#chigiri#hyoma chigiri#blue lock chigiri#blue lock season 2#chigiri hyoma x reader#and if i said that chigiri is not some uwu femboy but infact so absorbed in his self hatred and self sabotaging that he put his energy#into other outlets such as his looks and is infact only taken as feminine because of his strong emotions and looks what then?#i feel like people simply card him off as the pretty boy when he is easily the most emotional of the cast and has shown#to get intensely angry and competetive when shown things related to his past injury#like maybe it's because im a lesbian and he is my favorite character that I think about him like this#but he is so fascinating and the way kaneshiro writes his more feminine looking characters is a little. eugh#and it shows so much with characters like Chigiri Bachira or even Ness#how they are carded off as duos of Kunigami Isagi and Kaiser#when they are their own characters with their own autonomy#anyways. chigiri would 100% watch Bridgerton and see Anthony and go#is this fucking show about me
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hes so silly and tortured. i hope he gets violent
#HES SO!!!! hes so <3<3<3<3#hes simply the most.#man that saying really does sum it up huh#'thats the most' FUCK YEAH DUDE IT SURE IS!!!#scribble salad#welcome home#welcome home puppet show#welcome home fanart#he fascinates me#bc he simultaneously has 'head empty' vibes and 'knows too much' vibes#the bottom two are concept scribbles i might make into full things if i have the energy#and i still cant draw him consistently!#yippee yahoo and all that!
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I think rye thinks it's incredibly adorable of davrin to be worried about him after the accidental hallucination tea experiment. that stoic option 'you know, I lived a whole life before you' contains a world of 'davrin, I'm a mourn watcher with a severely misspent youth behind me. I've been stratospherically high on things you couldn't and probably wouldn't want to imagine, this is barely a tickle'. to me.
#also I think a 'haha oh no TOO close back off pls' moment even at that point. do not care for me like that it freaks me out!#i amn uncomfortable when we are about me actually (and you are smart and also tenacious enough that you'll realize that#and follow up on it. because you're an *asshole* who never lets me get away with *anything*. you'll just keep pestering me#until I have to throw my hands up in defeat and let someone perceive me and care about me. total horror show.#can't have this be happening to me right now I'm putting off having a personal and spiritual crisis until 5 minutes before I die)#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#davrin#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#their relationship. it is everything to me. the mutual 'hey punk you ever consider that there are people who love you. asshole'#'well I GUESS that *groan* my life has been infinitely enriched by your presence in it even though you're kind of a dick. there happy now'#'yeah I love and treasure you like a brother. a very annoying brother. what of it. wait you need help??? I'm here who do we kill'#and then you add lucanis' energy in there as well and you see why this is the best beloved boys squad to ever do it#also so sweet how much it's davrin opening up and showing vulnerability and uncertainty that's helped them get there the most#rye stays almost completely sober these days b/c his late teens and early twenties were uh. they got kind of rough!#so the rare times he drinks he's cautiously very very restrained about it. we simply cannot have student days shenanigans rye back.#we cannot. he barely survived being student days shenanigans rye the first time around let's not tempt fate#but in his time I think he's sampled some of that weird bottled fog stuff emmrich implies you can get some kind of high from#and then some lol#rye '*is* it drinking alone in the depths of the necropolis if the skeletons walking by give you friendly nods tho' ingellvar
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Characters baring a mouth full of sharp fangs as show of aggression is top tier but can we talk about how sinister a flash of smooth square omnivore teeth can be. The implications therein? The difference between facing a carnivore vs a member of the terrifyingly, aptly named 'opportunistic eaters'? The fear of being on one's menu, the knowledge that you are on the other's - no matter what you are. The inherent danger of a threat display where there are set rules to avoiding harm turning into a hunt on a dime.
Anyway, thinking about Nikodemus and how beautifully all of this translates into his supernatural setting...
#man said Eater eater. on all levels including spiritual he is an omnivore#on my 'omnivores are the most terrifying kind of animal' grind#no one is truly safe fr we can be as high on the energy food chain as vegetables fruit and grain#or as low as munching on carnivore-eating carnivores#so yeah maybe i like the idea of that extending to the preternatural in the respective worlds i play him in#as much as nik's beyond inhuman at this point he truly embodies the spirit of humanity by clawing his way to the top of the food chain#when he started at the metaphysical bottom#inspired by me saying nik has a mouth full of sharp fangs spiritually in my head - like the way we see carnivore teeth as inherently scary#and then realizing no you know what omnivore teeth are more terrifying we're just desensitized because we're part of that horrid 3%#thinking about the lion-eating chimpanzees#or hedgehogs eating snakes#something about an animal not as associated with violence and danger nor even built for it eating creatures who are#simply because it was hungry and there was no other more convenient food source#thinking about Avita tangentially. my other eater who has more readily available energy sources than souls#but would not deny herself a morsel if prey was stupid enough to purposefully wander into her path and challenge her#to be fair she wouldn't even bare her teeth#𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐑 ‒ nikodemus ║ MUSINGS
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Thinking about ScarVi's overarching theme being The Truth Shall Set You Free. I am so normal about this
#spoilers in tags#pokémon#pokemon sv#Arven initially being closed off and not trusting you because he was neglected by his parent and learned to only rely on himself#realizing very early on that being honest is the best chance he has at healing his Mabostiff#but still not opening up about his bigger issues until it was absolutely necessary which pushes the story forward into endgame#Penny hiding herself behind Cassiopeia to protect herself from bullying#getting an entire group of outcast kids into a team to scare their bullies off#only for the plan to backfire splendously when they're mistaken for the bullies#and Clavell in a rare display of clarity ffrom an adult in a position of authority#rather than simply punishing them for it opted to team up with us to understand what was really going on#and that made him much more lenient in punishing them (because they did still cause trouble!)#the truth of Turo/Sada spiraling into their work and refusing to see the damage it was doing to EVERYTHING including themselves#to the point that they DIED#and the AI they built explicitly for the purpose of continuing their work ran the calculations and realized said work was Bad#and that truth made it go against its own programming which is what kickstarts the main story to begin with#and may I contrast all that with NEMONA whose sheer energy and eagerness is 1000% GENUINE#I've seen so many people say they thought she was going to eventually be angry for losing to us all the time#but the whole point of her character is that she's free to do whatever the fuck she wants and she's pretty happy with her life#she has no reason to fake happiness. she's just like that. she is free from the beginning and she's always be free and that's the point#in a story where no one else is!!! everyone else is bound by some complication or another that holds them back from being honest#i changed my mind i'm insane about this. no longer normal#pokemon sv spoilers#babbles
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gmmtv, please, I dare you, give ohm a main character role where he’s not a bad guy holding a gun. i just want him to have fun again.
#like seriously??? i don’t even really care about the non-bl gmmtv stuff which I why I didn’t mind from last year#but now you’re giving him a new bl?? or is it a bromance?? with a new partner?? and still he’s cast in these bad boy roles#like godddddd im not asking for pat 2.0 I simply want something where he isn’t the same character over and over again#he has so much good fun positive energy why are you not using it?????#gmmtv 2024#ohm pawat
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I know I've mentioned it before, but I really do love the idea of Stretch slowly gaining some weight on the surface, going from scrawny as hell to like, a dad bod. And Edge just being sooo happy about it.
How overwhelmed with love he feels when he remembers how chalky and pale Stretch's bones used to be, how they're flushed and vibrant now. How sturdy he feels to hold, how different it is from when his bones felt so brittle they might snap if he held him too tightly. The days long behind them of Stretch going weeks at a time hardly eating, hardly moving, being able to spoil him endlessly with any recipe he loves or wants to try.
Normally, I don't think most monsters really have the kinds of the uselessly judgmental behaviors humans do, but I feel like Stretch would still be self conscious of the change, possibly because of human standards he’s since learned, or perhaps just because it's a change and he worries, but he worries less and less with Edge. Because Edge clearly doesn't mind, even seems to cherish it, and he feels better, he knows he's doing better, so what does anything else matter, really?
Healing together...ough
#since I usually hc most uf monsters are like. partially starved at all times. edge would also of course gain weight and become much#healthier but he has So much Fucking Energy I just don't think he could be anything but absolutely jacked which is like...#idk. it's different. on top of like. edge's thing isn't so much a sign of personal healing as simply being in a much better environment#which is of course wonderful and sweet in its own right but stretch's thing is internal yk? it's a harder hurdle to clear#I'm super exhausted rn so idk what I'm talking about. bye#spicyhoney#papship#papcest#sns is typing#sns thoughts...
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rememebred everyones kh3 outfits and now im annoyed again
#twilight town people you were robbed so hard.......#its like. roxas in his normal outfit...this is fine its iconique i wish he got new threads but again this is acceptable anyways#the classic kingdom hearts look#xion. the black and ehite look is cute and while similar in style to kairi is different enough to be her own style and the colors are ones i#i associate with her...needs more classic khness but im fine with the results either way#axel..............................i discovered the shirt under the vest is like. a deep deep DEEP like maroon??????? and plaid of course#i think????? cant fucking tell either way it just looks like hes wearing different shades of black. similar in style to his old bbs outfit w#with enough org13 influence to be like yeah hes older with new experiences but hes still the same#HOWEVER. the all black look is simply lazy. like. u gave him a whole ass color palette in bbs and then refuse to add even a HINT of color#like im not saying make his outfit bright and colorful like in bbs and i admit axel in black is more recognizable than anything but like#come on not even a scarf as a call back? nothing to tie him back to who he was? nothing to be like yeah hes grown as a person? hes different#but still the same? LAZY. like come on what the fuck. ZERO of the classic kh style too its just a guy in modern wear i hate it#like congrats you made a man with flaminr red hedgehog hair look normal#he was so right for wearing the organization cloak until the end#AND THEN ISA??? its like. isa is what axel could have been. give him a little more blue instead of black AGAIN and its like yeah this is#this is saix who used to be isa who used to be saix etc like that is a man whos life experienced has changed him but he still remains the sa#same deep inside. now get rid of the fucking BLACK..#dont even get me started on the twilight trio what the hell literally ZERO of their previous personalities theyre all wearing fucking black#none of that old 2000s teenager energy its again LAZY. i hate these designs so much all of them everyone literally why#i have lamented abt riku so many times too but this time its abt the colors like literally who is that and where is rikus yellow#AND KAIRIS.........GIRL WHO IS THAT!!!! SHES TOO COZY!!!!! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE TOMBOY LOOK OF KH1 AND THE SPORTY LOOK IN KH2#'its cuz shes older 🙄' NOT BT MUCH?#i appreciate kairis scenes with axel bc its the closest wr get to her normal personality when shes not acting as a character crutch for sora#but again CLOSEST bc i still think shes too like. soft? literally whereee is her fire where is it where is the girl that swuared up againstx#that squared up against saix wheres the girl that jumped off a balcony to fist fight heartless when she didnt even have a keyblade#girl where#theres no fire under her!!!!!#fucking hell#im annoyed abt everything now#michi tag
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shin would apologize for his bed being a mess even if it’s overall fine, meanwhile keiji’s out here like “hey, let’s uh. keep this in the hallway alright? maybe find a nice, grassy spot to talk this out...” and then when he moves out of the doorway to close his apartment door you’re briefly face-to-face with the fact that he. needs severe help.
#he doesn't hoard things but what he does have just... isn't organized#he isn't the sort who deals with nasty food or what have you scattered around the place; it's more of a... why do you have a lightbulb on#the floor sir. -> ''oh. that. huh. must've been a ghost.'' (voice of someone who was having terrible hallucinations)#(in the midst of trying to replace a dull bulb and just gave up even though he knows he might get glass in his foot)#and then of course just. a corner for his pile of bedsheets & towels... papers strewn about his main living area. his dishwasher is always#full of shit and he never has the energy to put the clean dishes anywhere but the spare counterspace#which means he has to prepare his food on the main coffee table#and so you see like. spice and flour or emptied cans there#it's just... idk. i think a lot abt the characters' living spaces and his makes me especially sad#esp knowing his mother's probably in a. similar position w the lack of motivation to do upkeep w/o (young) keiji's health at stake#& the whole... setting an example thing (where even then she feels she failed) - certainly not as bad as him. but...#they're definitely predisposed to. depression lol. it's simply the poor man's life#jestersvaguely#yttdposting#god. what am i doing talking abt keiji fucking shinogi. rubs my face. i don't care much for this guy & i just meant to get up to draw#+ get pain medicine & then go back to bed...
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Everyone needs to start getting way weirder (read: hornier) about this moment so I don't feel so alone.
Also - Tuvok....this is WILDLY funny. Tuvok is SO cringe I love him, he's the worst guy ever. Absolutely 0 hesitation to, IN FRONT OF EVERYONE, straight up go "Hey, first officer? Sorry for cutting you off in the middle of this life-or-death situation but I just couldn't help but notice that I, Tuvok, made a suggestion and you didn't follow it? That's literally never happened before. Did you not hear me or..?" There's literally not even a good reason for him to object it's straight up ONLY because it wasn't his idea.
#I'm telling you Tuvok gives such a wonderful 'spoiled know it all' energy <3#Has Janeway NEVER disagreed with you????? HEHEHE#Oh anyway yeah Chakotay making Tuvok call him sir is hot#But more importantly - people who say Tuvok has no personality beyond 'Vulcan' simply aren't paying enough attention#like I know we sort of get SCRAPS as the series goes on but he DOES have a distinct personality to me#It's not only that he speaks up here rather than following orders - its the REASON he gives which is#'Why aren't you doing what I say? Janeway would never do this. =_=' (& the fact he does it in front of everyone)#It implies that he thinks his plan is better just because it's his plan (as otherwise he'd surely bring up a more facts/logic based#complaint) - He's ANNOYING and he's arrogant and he's clearly very close with Janeway#and he deserves to get punched <3 and I love him so much.#voy#How CONFIDENT was he that Chakotay would be like 'oh sorry Tuvok you're absolutely right' that he INTERRUPTED him to bring it up in front#of EVERYONE????? TUVOK!!! GIRL YOU ARE /DELUSIONAL/ ~!!!#I can literally see Tuvok writing a 'and everybody clapped' ass fanfic in my head as we speak...he and the doctor have this in common#the only difference is that Tuvok would never explicitly write that while the Doctor absolutely would and he'd be like 'this is the height#of my genius' and I unfortunately find all of that endearing
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one thing about getting sick for me is that before covid (the first time) my colds and flus and whatnot all went in a very specific pattern: i would get a sore throat for a day or two, then violently congested for three or four days, then a runny nose/drainage for three or four days after that, and finally a cough, which was my favorite part of the cold (if a person can be said to have a favorite part of a cold) because it meant it was almost over AND that the problem was largely not in my face and neck anymore. but any illness i've had since that first covid has been all over the map - either i don't get the sore throat at all, just straight into the congestion, or the sore throat happens at a different time, or longer, or worse, or i have to spit a lot because otherwise i get so nauseous from sinus drainage that i throw up, or the congestion and the runny nose happen concurrently with not just each other but ALSO the sore throat (which is what's happening right now and i hate it) and like. because it doesn't follow the pattern i spent twenty-six years of my life getting used to, i'm always freaked out. which i would be anyway because ever since i had the first covid getting sick freaks me out. and it should freak more people out if im being honest. but this is a weird one bc like. i dont know how it did that but it disrupted MY trusty sick pattern
#i say 'first covid' because even though both rapid tests were negative yesterday there's a high likelihood they were false negatives#the most likely explanation is 'my brother brought covid to christmas and three days later i also got covid'#a perfectly reasonable chain of logic that my family refuses to entertain because it would make it His Fault#and nobody wants to blame mister perfect#he's my brother and i mostly love him. but the thing with him and me is that he's two years younger than me but has always had an energy of#i dont know. maturity? know-it-all-ness which comes off as maturity? emotional stoicism? < thats it probably right there#i was always a very emotional child. and undiagnosedly autistic. so he is in some ways the eldest child. and i resent it#like. we all know he's NOT the eldest. but he takes charge of things like he thinks he is. and when i take charge of things i am...#not authoritative#anyway he's the engineer and emotionally stoic and can 'beat' any problem by simply glaring at it hard enough (he thinks) and he's like#the oldest son. and i think somewhere back in the family hindbrain where they'd never recognize or admit it . that holds weight#oldest son holds just SLIGHTLY more weight than oldest daughter#although. had i been born a boy and been exactly the same personality-wise as i am already. he would still be like this#and we would still have this uncomfortable dynamic#anyway mister special can't get anybody sick and it's probably not his fault because i come into contact with people all the time!#sure. at my much more secure workplace where i spend less than five minutes with most patrons. and a lot more people mask#versus . him a foot away from me at the dinner table sniffling into his ham. hmmmmmm. you're an engineer. you do the math
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So, remember how like... 6 months ago I said hubs got tumblr? Remember how I said he probably wouldn't see anything here because mostly my shenanigans only mildly entertain him... well... I'm almost SURE he must have seen some of the shit I posted about in the last couple of days because he straight up called my ass out like:
him: "wish I could fuck you right now, but your mouth feels too good... someone else should do it... you think about someone fucking you while you're sucking my cock?" me: *pauses* him: "About Dylan..." me: *nod moans*
Y'ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! The way my cheeks must have looked like Santa's fucking suit. MY GOD.
#PERSONAL#as FUCK#please avert your gaze#but like no#then he wanted details#while he did fuck me#HA!#but I'm like...#SO SHY in the moment to talk about it#even with him#I know that's probably shocking#but I express myself much better in written words when it comes to this kind of thing#whenever he 'tell me what you fantasize about' in bed I'm like OOP!#it's pathetic honestly#I should just tell him I want him to fuck me while dylan fucks him#why couldn't I just say it#???#and he's usually pretty quiet in bed too... so this was PRIME opportunity because he was so chatty and naughty#and I simply couldn't match his energy because I guess I'm STILL repressed even after having worked on it for like the last 10 years#hubs
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todays one of those days. just googled how much an adhd or autism assessment would cost in Ireland. Over 1.5k each lol. do I look like I’m gonna spend 3k just to be told smth that I a) already know and b) no one can do anything about? lmfao shut uuuuup 😭😭😭
#I’d have to pay for it privately due to Complicated Immigrant Situation That Influences My Health Insurance Situation (TM)#sometimes I just feel like it would be easier if I knew what was wrong with me yk#I have this ALL OR NOTHING mindset thing and I’ve always had that and my mum has been on my ass about having to work on that all my life#anyway it’s come to bite me in the ass once again#yk when ur brain just gets like. Stuck on a thought#not in an OCD way tho more like. ‘if this doesn’t play out EXACTLY like I thought it would I will have a meltdown’#and then you have to exert sooooo much energy bc you have to stop the meltdown from happening#my boyfriend changed plans we had and it fucked me up so hard I don’t know#and when I say ‘I wish I was normal about this’ he replied he loves me for who I am#really????? it is simply impossible that you love someone bc they have a crying hyperventilating breakdown bc the plans for one day on one#weekend change lmaooooooooo#(I didn’t have the meltdown. I suppressed it. I’m not a bitch!)#I don’t want him to feel guilty#but he picked up on it and I don’t know how to explain to him that it’s not about the damned change of plans#I’m upset bc I feel unseen bc I have to mask and mask and mask and I don’t even know WHAT I’m masking#maybe I don’t even have any neurodivergence and I’m just a horrible person#frankly the most likely outcome but I sure as fuck am not paying 3k to be diagnosed with Basic Bitch 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂#shut up Sam
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