#he sells jingle jangle around town

[sojutrait]

during the day: follow around eileen and her foodie club eating ice cream

during the night: follow around miles as he sells... pixie stix to don lothario

[fvckyouimaprophet]

Thank you for your answers! Hopefully, you enjoyed a small peak into the unhinged wonder that is Riverdale. I know you brought a lot of joy to my life with your tags, replies, and messages. In the end, 5.5% of you got it right. The correct answer is: “The teen gang joins a school drag show to sell drugs known as jingle jangle.”

While there is a drug called jingle jangle (that looks like pixie sticks, by the way)—

—the main gang, the Southside Serpents, do not use a school drag show as a cover to sell it.

Here’s a breakdown of the rest:

An organ-harvesting cult puts on Heathers: The Musical (In some ways, this is a step up from the previous year when they put on Carrie: The Musical, and the student who played Carrie was stabbed to death mid-show by a serial killer who is trying to rid the town of sin. Her corpse was then hung up for everyone to see as a warning. Oh, by the way, her crime was taking some jingle jangle.)

The main character’s dog’s saliva has super-healing powers (Everyone who was in a house that exploded developed superpowers. The dog is included in this.)

Small Fry attempts to avenge the death of his father, noted mafioso Papa Poutine (Other memorable names in the Riverdale universe include: Mad Dog, Baby Teeth, and Peaches ‘N Cream.)

A dad attempts to scare his son straight with D&D, the ROTC, and fake poison (Stick with me because this explanation is long and convoluted, but the gist is—the town of Riverdale has a live-action roleplaying game called G&G, which is modeled after D&D, and everyone gets addicted to playing it. They don't fully explain that part, but I’m pretty sure it has to do with jingle jangle? ANYWAY, there is a figure in the game called the Gargoyle King, and someone is dressing up as him and going around murdering people in the town of Riverdale to "keep them in check." One of the characters is gay, and his dad is the head of the RROTC. He pretends to be fine with his son being gay but isn't, and he enlists the RROTC to put on gargoyle masks and kidnap his son and his son’s boyfriend. The dad dresses up as the Gargoyle King and essentially threatens to kill them using poisoned chalices—the M.O. of the real murderous Gargoyle King. But before they can drink it, he gets unmasked Scooby-Doo-style and the below happens.)

One of the characters discovers she has serial killer genes (My favorite part about this is that Betty, pictured below, later discovers that the guy she's been hooking up with, her coworker at the FBI Academy, has been secretly writing a thesis about her family titled: "Family of darkness: Varying displays of the serial killer gene in the Cooper family tree.")

A straight girl kisses a lesbian to save the world and discusses queerbaiting (By the way, this is because, even though she might otherwise die, Cheryl refuses to cut her skin with a knife. So the alternative for transferring powers is... making out?)

After a breakup, a lesbian isolates in her gothic mansion and draws a fursona (To be fair, I oversold this as a “plot,” but you do see several shots of Cheryl’s fursona after she isolates in her gothic mansion and mourns the loss of her beloved TT!)

A bunch of teenagers get into the tickle porn business (Yeah. No comment.)

And that’s what you missed on Glee Riverdale!

Some other plot highlights include:

A main character tells a story about how he fell into a sinkhole and was only spared by the Rat King (who ruled the sewers) by essentially becoming his bard and telling him stories to entertain him. It is unclear how true this story is.

There is a whole plot following Betty's estranged brother, Charles. Her family thinks that they find him, but he turns out to be a murderous psychopath named Chic (who is dating the real Charles). Charles is also a serial killer (serial killer genes, am I right?), but both he and Chic get caught and sent to prison. Later, during a prison outbreak, Chic and Charles escape to Betty's house, and Betty's mom marries them off. They then play a game called "Pincushion Man" and attempt to get Betty's 9-year old niece to stab Betty's former fling (the one who wrote the thesis on her family) in order to ignite the 9-year-old's dark side and make her embrace her serial killer genes.

Betty and her boyfriend burn down her boyfriend's former trailer home, which is now being used as a drug lab by his mother. They have sex in the car as it burns to the ground about 5 feet away from them and then rush back to school to join the final group number of the musical, Heathers (the one put on by the organ-harvesting cult).

In order to try lure a serial killer (in case you're not seeing the pattern, this show has many of them), the main characters throw a serial killer convention called Slaughter-Con. The characters sing songs from American Psycho: The Musical (whose book was, incidentally, written by the creator of Riverdale).

One of the character's younger sisters (12-ish) misses her brother's attention, so she starts creating fake snuff movies, recreating actual traumatic deaths faced by all the characters, and anonymously sends them in video tape form as threatening messages. This is meant to be a fun mystery for her brother to solve that will then bring them closer together.

The main character fights a bear. Like with his hands. And wins.

[sparrow-flies-south]

Cursebreaking For Dummies

Fandom: Sanders Sides Rating: Teen Pairings: Virgil and Remus (either platonic or pre-romantic) Summary: Janus and Virgil had a good thing going, running the only magick shop in town. Even if they don't believe in magic themselves, there are plenty of people who do.Unfortunately, they might have done to good a job selling it, because now there's a guy asking for Virgil's help breaking a curse.  Notes: Written for the prompt “15: So you need to break a curse” sent by @theeternalspace, thanks so much!

Read on AO3 - My Masterlist

The Yellow Serpent was, according to the local paper, ‘the best occult shop around’. Janus had told Virgil this with the same smile he had worn when he had explained that he’d managed to get the answers for Mrs Bakers test – it was the look of a con carried out well.

No one was surprised when Janus left town as soon as high school was over. Everyone knew that Janus was destined for something more – though what that something was depended on who you asked. What was surprising was that Janus had come back, rented out the shop space left empty since the sewing shop closed, and started selling incense and magic crystals.

The way Janus had explained it to Virgil (and probably only to Virgil) was that there were two kind of people who ran magick shops (the k was important, apparently). The first kind was the true believers, the kind who probably had an altar in the back and had tested all the spells they talked about. The second were people who saw how much people were willing to pay for this stuff, and decided to take advantage of it. Janus was one of the latter.

Virgil and Janus were the only two full time employees, though with Janus managing the business side of things, Virgil was usually the one in charge of the shop itself. They had one part time employee, a high schooler named Elliot who seemed to have imprinted on Virgil since the moment they saw him.

It was the middle of the week, which meant it was quiet. Janus would be in soon, which at the very least would give Virgil someone to talk to. So far, there had only been two customers, so Virgil had started making up the herb bundles out of sheer boredom.

He’d just finished the last of the True Love Bundles (put it under your pillow while you sleep, or use as part of a spell) when the bell over the door jangled.

Virgil left the backroom and went into the shop itself, where the new customer had already reached the counter. He was dressed in a green crop top, a large backpack slung over his shoulders. There was a streak of white in his hair and he had a handlebar moustache. He didn’t look like the kind of person you’d expect to find in a shop like this, which made him a perfectly average customer.

“Quick,” the man said, “I need to break a curse.”

If Janus were here, he would ask the man what kind of curse it was, and direct him to a certain kind of incense which would ward away bad energy or something. Unfortunately, it was only Virgil, and Virgil was terrible at thinking on his feet.

“Is that a pickup line?” Virgil asked. The man just looked confused, and Virgil’s mouth kept talking without his brain’s permission. “You know, like true loves kiss to break a spell?”

Damn it, Virgil, stop talking.

The man suddenly looked interested. He leaned over the counter. “Do you want it to be?”

Virgil was sure his face was probably the colour of a tomato. Fortunately he was saved from either answering or being swallowed up by the earth by something barking in the man’s backpack.

“We don’t allow dogs,” Virgil said, taking the distraction and clinging on for dear life.

“Oh, it’s not a dog.” The man fished a creature out of his backpack and set it down on the counter. “It’s my brother.”

Virgil looked at the animal in front of him. The animal looked back. “Your brother… is a Pomeranian.”

The dog barked.

“Well, he is now,” the man said.

“Let me guess,” Virgil drawled, “A witch turned him into a dog.”

“Yes!” – The dog barked – “Well, a Dragon Witch, but close enough!”

Virgil was pretty sure not even Janus would be able to go along with this one. Of course, this would never happen to Janus, because Janus was a bastard who never had to deal with karma for his actions. No, instead the universe had decided to punish Virgil for the scam they were running.

“Okay,” Virgil said with a sigh. “You need to leave.”

The man had the audacity to look surprised. “What for?”

“How about everything?”

The dog growled, and Virgil took a step back. Sure, the thing was tiny, but Virgil wasn’t taking any chances. It still had teeth, didn’t it?

“You’re pretending your dog’s a person,” Virgil pointed out when the man still looked blank.

“He is!” the man protested, at the same time as the dog barked.

“Look,” Virgil snapped. “I only work here because my friend asked me to. None of this stuff is real! It’s all mass produced in some factory somewhere. So why don’t you find another audience for your hilarious joke and stop wasting my time.”

The man stared at him. If Janus had seen that, he’d probably start yelling. Not because Virgil shouted at a customer – Janus would have his back on that one – but because Virgil had said that it wasn’t real. Janus had a thing about never stopping the illusion.

Suddenly, the man tilted his head back and burst into loud, cackling laughter. The dog shot the man an irritated look, or at least, a look that would have been irritated, if it was capable of that. Which it wasn’t, because it was a dog.  It was probably just wondering when it would get to continue its walk.

“I don’t believe this,” the man said. “You sent me to a fake shop.”

The dog barked once, and Virgil must be losing it because he could swear the dog looked indignant. The man waved his hand.

“Sure, sure, anyone could have made that mistake. Hey, while we’re at it, why not try homeopathy?”

“We don’t sell homeopathic treatments,” Virgil said automatically.

Conning money out of gullible fools was one thing, Janus had said. Conning money out of desperate sick people was better left to televangelists and the health care system.

Speaking drew the man’s attention back to him, which was probably a mistake. He grinned, and lean over the counter, giving Virgil a good view of the purple eyeshadow he was wearing.

“So, know anywhere that sells real magic shit?”

There was probably a lot of ways Virgil could answer that. Unfortunately, the one his mouth chose was, “What the fuck is real magic?”

“I’m glad you asked! What’s your favourite animal?”

Virgil had no idea if he was witnessing a strange attempt at flirting, a far too elaborate prank, or a breakdown.

“You’re mad,” he told the man.

“Please,” the man said with a wave of his hand. “My father is mad. Call me Remus.”

Virgil snorted, and then tried to hide it with a cough. The man looked delighted. The dog very much did not. It tried to tug on Remus’ arm, which, since Remus wasn’t wearing sleeves, mostly involved biting Remus.

“So,” Remus said, apparently unaware that he was being mauled. “Favourite animal?”

Fuck it. What was the worst that could happen?

“Spiders, I guess.”

Remus looked Virgil up and down then nodded. “Goes with the aesthetic. Alright, Spiderboy.”

He cupped his hands together on the table, palms up. Virgil was about to ask what he was doing, when the air above his hands seemed to flicker, and a spider appeared.

Appeared was the only word for it. One moment there was no spider, and then the next there was one. Like when a video lagged, so the enemies just seemed to pop up.

The spider leaped out of Remus’ hands and towards the dog, who yelped and leapt backwards, falling off the counter. Remus laughed. Virgil should probably leap back too, but he was rooted in place.

“What the hell?” he cried.

“Tadaa!” Remus said. “Magic.”

Virgil shook his head, staring at the spider, which now stood in the middle of the counter. He reached one hand out, then immediately thought better of it and pulled the hand back again.

“Is it real?”

“Eh,” Remus shrugged, “Define real. You can touch it, though. Put your hand out.”

Virgil hesitated, because just because he liked spiders didn’t mean he instantly trusted them, especially when they appeared out of nowhere and were bigger than any spider had the right to be. Still, he figured that Remus probably wasn’t trying to kill him, so he placed his hand palm up on the surface.

The spider scuttled over. It stopped next to his hand for a moment, and when Virgil didn’t pull his hand away, it slowly stepped on.

“It’s solid,” Virgil said.

“Maybe,” Remus said. “Or maybe you just think it’s solid. Am I affecting the world or everyone in it?”

It was way too early for philosophical discussions, so Virgil just watched the spider crawl up his arm. It had reached his elbow when what was happening fully set it. Virgil jerked back with a cry.

“What is it?” Remus asked. The spider disappeared into nothing.

“This is real,” Virgil said. “Magic is real.”

“Uh, yeah,” Remus said. “Hey, are you okay?”

Virgil barely heard him, just like he barely heard the jingle of the door open and close. The world was spinning around him, and suddenly something seemed to crush his chest.

“I think I’m going to faint,” Virgil muttered.

The dog barked, sounding alarmed. Distantly he was aware of someone saying his name, someone taking his arm and leading him away. When the arm let go, Virgil sank down to the floor. Something nudged his leg, and he jerked back, in case it was another spider, but it was just the dog. Someone was counting, up to four, then seven, then eight. Breathing patterns.

Virgil matched the counting, and slowly felt himself come back to himself. He was sat in the back room, with Janus crouched in front of him, frowning. The dog sat by Virgil’s legs. Virgil had put his hand on the dog’s fur at some point. The dog looked slightly confused, but seemed okay with it.

“When did you get here?” Virgil asked.

“At the start of your panic attack,” Janus said. “Are you okay?”

“Fine,” Virgil answered.

“It’s been a while since you had one,” Janus said hesitantly.

Virgil shrugged. It was true. High School had been the worst. Virgil had lost track of times Janus would pull him out of classrooms and into some quiet part of the school no one else knew about. No matter how often the teachers tried to stop Janus from going with him, Janus would refuse to leave his side until Virgil was better.

“Guess it was just a bad day,” Virgil muttered, because there was no way he was telling Janus what had just happened.

“Did the customer-?” Janus began, but was cut off by the dog barking.

“He didn’t do anything,” Virgil lied.

Janus’ frown deepened, because he could always tell when Virgil was lying. Virgil sighed.

“He wasn’t being a dick or anything,” Virgil said, which was true. “It just kind of… happened.”

“Alright,” Janus said at last. “Do you want me to deal with him?”

“No, I should do it. Plus, I kind of kidnapped his br-dog.”

If Janus noticed the connection, he didn’t say anything, just nodded and helped Virgil to his feet. Virgil went back to the counter, where Remus was still standing, drumming his fingers on the top.

“You alright, emo?” Remus asked. “Roman didn’t bite you, did he?”

The dog – Roman, the dog was Roman and was a person looked indignant at the suggestion.

“I’m fine,” Virgil said. He shook his head. “Not, scratch that. Magic is real.”

“I… don’t see why that would be a bad thing?”

Virgil glanced over his shoulder, but Janus wasn’t around. “What the hell am I supposed to do now?”

“You could come with us,” Remus suggested.

“What?”

“Well, we do still have to break the curse. You could help!”

Virgil and Roman looked at Remus with matching incredulity.

“I don’t know anything about magic,” Virgil said.

“It’ll be a learning experience!”

Virgil shook his head. “You only just met me.”

“So? You’re cute, and you seem fun. And I know I’m fun.”

He should say no. Magic or no magic, he didn’t know Roman and Remus, how did he know they weren’t serial killers or something? Magical serial killers. And even if they weren’t, breaking a curse sounded suspiciously like an adventure, and apparently getting cursed by a dragon witch was a normal part of their lives.

Virgil really, really, didn’t want to know what a dragon witch was.

All he had to do was say no, and Remus and Roman would leave, and Virgil would go back to his life and probably never see them again. He’d keep selling incense and crystal balls, and pretend he didn’t believe in any of it. He’d finish work, then go back to his shitty apartment, then go to work again.

Funny, he’d never thought of his life as boring before.

“Janus,” Virgil called. “I’m taking a break.”

Remus’ face split into a grin. Roman rolled his eyes, which was quite impressive, for a dog.

“Okay,” Virgil said, once they were all outside. “How do you break a curse?”

“I have no idea!” Remus said. “Why do you think I came here?”

“Great. So none of us have any idea what we’re doing.”

“Hey! You’re getting the hang of this.”

Well, even if he died, at least it wouldn’t be boring.

[sabraeal]

In Plain Sight, Chapter 3

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

Obiyuki AU Bingo Any AU of Your Choice (Witness Protection AU)

The thing about lying is: Shirayuki is terrible at it.

“So, Claire.” There’s no way her neighbor can know it’s a fake name, there’s no way she can be stressing it, not this perfect-picture Texan housewife who probably hasn’t thought about Witness Protection since the last time she watched Witness. “What is it you do?”

Shirayuki stares dumbly, mouth dry. She has a-- a brief or whatever, sitting somewhere in her luggage since it seemed silly to just whip it out during the flight, letting everyone seated in row eight see her new identity, but she--

She has no idea who she is. Who Claire Roos is.

“Um,” she manages, scuffing the edge of her sandal on the curb. “I, ah--”

Don’t have a job yet seems like a terrible way to start a conversation, especially right in front of a dream house that is too big for one single academic and definitely cost quite a bit of cash, so thankfully she’s saved the indignity by the unmarked white van that skids straight up to where they stand.

Oh, good. Now would actually be a great time to be kidnapped. Anything to save her from this.

“Excuse me, young man,” Mrs Kino calls out stridently as a man twice the size of them struts out of the driver’s side, her mouth pulled into a disapproving frown. “This is a neighborhood with children!”

Shirayuki stares at her. So does her kidnapper, popping one of his earbuds out. “Come again?”

If anything, this only makes Mrs Kino’s countenance more forbidding. “We have children here, sir.” When he continues to stare blankly, she clarifies, impatient, “Please drive with more care!”

“Oh.” He shrugs a shoulder. “Yeah, sure, whatever. Roos?”

His gaze swings between them in question, but his slouched posture gave the impression he wasn’t all too concerned with the answer.

“Not me,” Mrs Kino says, sending her an expectant look, and--

Oh. Roos. That’s her. She’s Roos.

“That’s me. Roos!” she blurts out smoothly. “Claire Roos.”

“Okay. Great.” He slides open the side of the van, and she braces herself--

For him to drop a half dozen boxes at her feet. White boxes, with the word WALMART emblazoned on the side.

“What?” she murmurs, toes shying back. “I didn’t--”

“Have a nice day,” he says, slamming the door. “Make sure you give the delivery five stars, okay?”

“O-okay.” She stares down at the siege of low-quality home goods around her. “But I really didn’t--”

He’s already got his earbud back in, strutting around to the driver’s side and-- and she’s stuck with whatever is in these boxes. Probably pin-up girl shower curtains and whatever the doormat version of The Kiss poster is, if her handler had a hand in this.

She glances up at her house, dread squeezing her chest. He might have decorated the whole place. He might have even picked this house out for her. There might even be a galley kitchen in there.

“Well now, looks like you planned ahead!” Mrs Kino remarked, surveying her sea of boxes. “Wouldn’t have even thought to get a delivery on moving day.”

“Oh, I didn’t--” she bites down on the words-- “even remember it was coming.”

“Ain’t that just the way.” Mrs Kino shakes her head, giving a wry laugh. “Moving just gets everyone all turned around, doesn’t it? Anyway, you best get those inside. Don’t want anything to go bad right out here on the lawn, do we?”

Shirayuki just stares, wondering how cheap home goods could expire any more than they already have. “Ah...right. Of course.”

“You need help carrying these up?” her neighbor nods at the winding steps up to the door. “Might save you a trip.”

Oh gosh, the stairs. They’re nothing now, just a lovely little accent built into her yard’s natural hill, but in the winter, she’ll have to--

Her whole body jerks to a stop. She’s not in New England anymore, she’s in-- in Texas. The South. She won’t have to shovel them.

“Claire?”

She wipes the grin from her face. “Um, yes! If you don’t mind.”

Mrs Kino smiles up at her brightly. “Why, not at all. It’s the neighborly thing to do! Around here, we’re all as close as family.”

“Oh.” Her lips pulls tight against her teeth. “Just perfect.”

“That looks like all of it,” Mrs Kino pants, dropping the last box up at the door.

It takes every last ounce of willpower for Shirayuki to not just collapse on the stairs. She knew it would be warmer here-- after all, going south mean getting closer to the equator, and the equator means hot, so it made sense that the further south she went the more heat there would be, but--

Garack once had to do a timed experiment for four hours in the warm room, and sometime around hour two, when Shirayuki thought that if she dared to move she would collapse like melted ice cream held together by the magic shell of her skin, Garack announced that this was as miserable as Satan’s asscrack, and well--

This place is worse than that. By at least an order of magnitude.

Mrs Kino casts a pointed look to where she clenches the wrought-iron rail and asks, “You sure you don’t want help bringing them in?”

“Oh, no!” Shirayuki waves her hands, keys jingling against her palm. Even the sound is strange, like how room keys jangle when on vacation, hollow and far too few. “The house, it’s really--”

She doesn’t know what it’s really, because she’s never seen a single piece of it. Which is part of the problem, since presumably people look at the houses they’re going to buy, even if they’re clear across the country.

“Messy,” she settles on. That’s safe, at least. “I’ll need a few days to get it into ship-shape.”

“Oh, of course!” Kino gives her a wide smile, more earnest than she deserves. “I know just how it is. But you just holler if you need anything. Me and Harold are just a hedge away!”

“Ah, yes! Right!” She edges back toward her door, fishing for the keyhole. Holding this smile is starting to hurt. It’ll be the last thing left of her if she melts, just a pearly white set of teeth on top of a pile of vaguely Shirayuki-ish goo. “I’ll...holler.”

“Good.” Kino makes it nearly two stairs down before turning back. “Oh, I clear forgot to mention. I always have the ladies of the neighborhood by Thursday afternoon. Just a small little get-together. You’ll have to come.”

Oh no. No.

“Of course.” The reasonable part of her watches in horror as instinct takes over and her body nods. “I’d love to, Mrs Kino.”

“It’s Martha, please,” she laughs, waving her off. “I’ll have to let all the girls know you’re coming by. They’ll be pleased as punch, I can tell you.”

Shirayuki watches her walk away with a pit of dread growing in her gut. “Great. I...can’t wait.”

With a grunt, Shirayuki hauls the last box into the foyer. She’s half tempted to just crawl the last step in rather than walk. As it is, she barely stumbles over that hurdle, hauling herself up the last half foot before she collapses against the door. Its cool surface is a godsend; she slides down it with a long, loud squeak, leaving a trail of sweat behind her. She’d be horrified, if it didn’t feel so good.

The AC is blasting, and the vent hits her where she sits, cold air cooling the slick surface of her skin, turning it blissfully sticky instead.

Well, those are words she never quite thought she’d use in that order.

The sweat she’s been dripping onto the beautiful natural wood floor beneath her slows to a stop. With a sigh, she leans her head against the door, grimacing as her hair sticks to her neck. She needs a shower.

But first the boxes. Then she can think of a way to thank Mrs—Martha for her help, and next Thurday when she goes to—

Oh no. Lunch. A ladies’ lunch. What was she thinking?

She needs an adult. Ridiculously, she wonders if Agent Jiang would pick up.

No, not him. Agent Jiang-- Obi was probably the one who thought ordering home décor from Walmart was the pinnacle of adulthood. He’s the sort of man who has one kitchen towel, and it has chili peppers on it.

A sweaty palm claps to her cheek. A ladies’ lunch. Oh gosh, she’s going to have to make something.

She doesn’t even have groceries. She’ll have to-- to go out and find a store and buy them. The produce might not even be local. They might have a bad organic section. There may not even be a Whole Foods for miles. The World Food’s aisle might only have pasta in it.

Shirayuki isn’t cut out for this-- this whole moving thing. She likes knowing that the Roche Brothers on the corner buys their produce local, but that the Market Basket has the better selection of spices. Or that the Whole Foods is cheaper but the Trader Joe’s two towns over has a better freezer section. Now she doesn’t even know if there is more than one store, and she--

She breathes. In. Out. She’ll just have to live with it. One step at a time.

Step one: open up these boxes. Better to find out now what inappropriate shot glasses her handler got her to christen the kitchen.

Slipping her key between her knuckles, she slices the first box open, flipping the lid to find--

Shirayuki blinks. Tilting the box, she reads Walmart, right on the side, big star in the middle. That...can’t be right.

She peers back inside, but the contents haven’t changed: fresh produce, still leafy and green. Carrots, spinach, a couple of cheerful looking eggplants, and even a clamshell of strawberries is tucked underneath.

“Well,” she murmurs, stymied. “That’s...unexpected.”

She turns to the next box, a heavier one, and it’s packed to the top with spices. Cinnamon, coriander, garlic, oregano, basil, thyme, curry, cumin-- big bottles she would have had to buy out of the Goya section back home. And now they’re all sitting in this box from Walmart.

Settling back on her heels, Shirayuki surveys the last four boxes, just as big as the first two. One of them is cold to the touch.

She blinks. “Walmart sells groceries?”

The only answer is her echo, but that-- that’s fine, because every box she opens is packed to the gills with foodstuffs-- chicken and beef and shrimp in one; flour, sugar, a dozen other baking needs, including two bags of chocolate chips; another filled with butter and eggs and milk. By the last box, she has a fully stocked kitchen, plus or minus a few personal needs.

“Well,” she breathes, “looks like he might know his way around the kitchen after all.”

That, or he has a very helpful coworker. Either way, she has food, and a--

“Kitchen!” She peers down the hall, curious. “I need to find the kitchen.”

Hauling herself to her feet, she lifts the box of dairy and detours past the stairs, leading into--

Oh, well. That’s a surprise.

Shirayuki can admit it: Marshal Jiang has outdone himself. Or at least, whichever agent vetted this house for purchase.

The kitchen could be straight out of one of those home and garden magazines Oma liked to have laying out around the B&B: track lighting hung right over the kitchen island, granite countertops, a double oven with separate range. It’s every improvement Opa had vetoed to their own, saying it was all a pipe dream when they still had repairs to do to the bathrooms, and the roof would need to be redone in the summer--

A summer that never came. And never would, now.

Her hands tighten around the box. There’s no time to dwell, not now when she has perishables to rescue and a kitchen to organize.

Start with what you can fix, Opa would say, the content of his tool box littered around him, and forget about what you can’t.

“Right,” she murmurs, setting the box on the counter. “Dairy first.”

The entire house, once she’s showered the sweat off and is finally able to explore, is as impressive as the kitchen. The whole first floor is open concept, kitchen flowing into the living room on one side and the dining area on the other, bathroom and home office tucked down a small hallway-- and every inch of it is homey, done up on soft fabrics and warm woods, looking both lived-in and clean.

But the pièce de résistance is the master bedroom, because--

“Oh gosh.” The words are muffled through the world’s fluffiest duvet. “It’s memory foam.”

Shirayuki flips onto her back with a sigh. It’s definitely not home-- nothing could be-- but it’s something. Something she can try to make into one.

“Hot in!” someone yells, muted, and Shirayuki bolts upright, heart pounding in her chest.

“So hot in here!” they continue, a siren blaring behind the words, and she realizes-- it’s her phone. Her phone is...singing to her.

She frowns, reaching across the bed to snatch it up from the nightstand. There’s no picture on the caller ID, just the words Sugar Daddy.

She definitely does not know anyone named that.

“Hello?” she squeaks, dragging herself further onto the bed. “Who is this?”

“It’s me,” says the man on the other end, and the quick jolt in her belly identifies him better than a name could: Marshal Jiang. Obi.

Anxious butterflies beat against her rib cage. He must have some-- some reason for calling. Official reasons. Marshals don’t call their charges just to chat.

Probably. “Is something wrong?”

“No.” He sounds amused through the speaker; she can almost imagine the smug grin he has on his face. “I just wanted to check in. Make sure you’ve settled in all right. Hear any complaints.”

“Oh, right.” She rolls upright; they might be on the phone, but lounging on a bed while talking to Obi seems...weird. “I’m...good?”

He hums, amused. “No trouble?”

Besides him abandoning her to her fate on her front lawn, and her inability to lie for more than three minutes at a time?

“Well, I don’t think I said anything strange in front of my neighbor,” she says instead, stomach clenching as she rifles through her memory. “She invited me to meet the other neighbors at lunch, or, um, tea? Something like that. I’ll have to make something, I think.”

“Oh,” he murmurs. “That’s something.”

“It’s the neighborly thing to do,” she informs him. “I think I might go with cookies. That’s simple, and everyone likes cookies.”

“I know I do,” he agrees, and she has no idea why it sounds like he’s on the verge of a laugh. “But I mean: no signs of Umihebi or her people? No one lingering outside your house? No unmarked vans? You feel safe?”

“Oh!” Right, because that’s what he’s worried about: her getting shot. Or kidnapped. Or whatever it is that mob bosses do to girls like her. “Yes. I mean, no. No one hanging around. Though the Walmart van was unmarked, but-- groceries.” She lets out a laugh. “Did you know they deliver groceries?”

He’s definitely smothering a laugh. “I sure did, miss.”

Right, because he’s probably the one that ordered it. Or had a PA order it, or whatever. “I didn’t realize they had, um, food.”

“Yeah,” he hums. “It’s popular around here.”

She goggles. “For groceries?”

“Sure is.” There’s a pause, and she can just feel his shrug, even if she can’t see it. “There’s Kroger’s too, and I think a Stop and Shop a few towns over, if you look real hard, and a Wegman’s that just opened in the strip mall--”

“Do you live here?” She cringes. She could really do to sound less interested. “I mean, close by? Nearby?”

“Close enough.”

She raises a brow. That was more than a little cagey. “Close enough to know all the grocery stores.”

“Close enough for you to tell my boss I’m a very helpful handler when review time comes around.” He lets out an amused huff. “I can tell you who has the best pizza too.”

“Oh, um.” She’s half-tempted to ask, but that seems-- personal. He might like that greasy Mediterranean style, and she just-- she doesn’t need to know that about him. “Well, you can give my compliments to the person who decorated the house. It’s lovely.”

“O-oh?” He’s suddenly removed, almost shy. “You think so?”

She runs a hand along the duvet, floral and yet somehow not grandmother-y. “Very. She did a great job.”

“Right. Yes. She did.” He hesitates, clearing his throat. “Anything in particular you like? For, uh, feedback reasons. She loves to hear specifics.”

“Well, the kitchen is--” Shirayuki sighs, content-- “heaven.”

“The kitchen is the heart of the home.” He coughs. “I mean, that’s what she says. A lot.”

Shirayuki smiles. “Well, she’s right.”

“Mm,” he hums, absent. “And the couch is okay?”

“It’s the perfect softness,” she enthuses. “I don’t disappear into it, but it still hugs you, you know?”

“Good, great.” His fingers drum in the background. “That’s the hardest part.”

“Oh?”

“I mean--” he hesitates, so long she can hear him breathe-- “so she says.”

“It’s perfect.” Shirayuki settles back onto the pillows-- there’s a thousand of them, just like she likes, all different sizes and shapes, a veritable army of throw pillows like any self-respecting bedroom should have. “And I haven’t slept on it, but the bed--”

Shirayuki stops herself. He isn’t-- Obi probably isn’t the best person to be talking about beds to, not when her lips still tingle from touching his. That’s not...safe.

“It’s fine,” she finishes lamely. “Is there anything else she’d like me to compliment? I’d be happy to get her into heaven, if she wanted.”

“I think she’d be happier with a raise.”

She cocks her head, pressing the phone between her ear and shoulder. “Something to mention around review time?”

He sniffs. “Only as an addendum to how handled you feel under me.”

He doesn’t mean it as-- as anything, just trying to be funny, but something sweeps through her, not heat but-- but something like a shiver, like the tingle of a limb waking up, and she’s not sure if she likes it.

“Well,” she manages, mouth utterly dry, “I don’t know how they’ll feel about the nickname Sugar Daddy...”

“Ah, well.” He at least has the grace to sound contrite, even if it’s in no way sincere. “You’re welcome to change it. You’ll be paying for all this yourself anyway, soon.”

It’s good they’re on the phone; he can’t see her grimace. All this on what will probably be an adjunct’s salary. She feels faint just thinking about it.

“Which reminds me,” he continues, “I’ll send over your new resume tomorrow. You’ll probably want that when you apply for jobs.”

Shirayuki bites back a groan. It’s a herculean effort not to ask why the government could pay for all this upfront, but somehow not arrange for a tenured position. Or at least an interview. “Great.”

“Is there anything else you need?” he asks. “I’m here to serve.”

“Aren’t you here to handle?” The words just fall out of her before she can stop herself. “I mean, ah...”

This is terrible, how much she wants to impress him. Shirayuki’s known him for less than twelve hours, and her palms are sweaty just talking to him. Every time his voice drops, she thinks about how he laughed as her mouth chased his, how he’d said I’ve missed you too--

Ugh, if this is what middle school was like for everyone else, they can have it back. This is torture.

“Handling you is already the most fun I’ve had in years,” he remarks, so casual, like he doesn’t even know how that’s going to make her heart misbehave in her chest. “But nothing else.?”

She doesn’t want to end on this, on her just blurting out an innuendo and letting him think she means things, so she grabs at the first thing she can think of. “Can I change the landscaping?”

“Wha--?” he replies, eloquent.

“It’s just…” She clears her throat. “Lawns consume a lot of water, and just are for show. If I put in a garden, or natural grasses, I could—“

“Sure,” he chokes out. He’s laughing. “I think you can do whatever you want.”

“Great.” Now he thinks she’s--weird. That’s fine. That’s...probably accurate. “Good. So, um, good night?”

“Yeah.” It’s quiet when he says it, a little more than a breath. “Good night.”

Shirayuki thumbs the End Call button, watching as Sugar Daddy flashes before disappearing from the screen. That went...well. As well as could be expected, considering how all she can think about is his hand threading through her hair and his hand at her back and--

Things. Professional things. Professional things she can totally handle. Because she is not thinking about how her handler could definitely handle her, and--

She takes another breath. In. Out. It’s fine. She may be experiencing this whole-- attraction, but it will pass. Hopefully. And if it doesn’t, well... she only has to deal with this for the rest of her life.

Shirayuki drops the phone like it burns, claps her hands over her face, and screams.

[monokeroi]

Jingle Jangle: a commentary on the first 10 minutes and the last 3

Movie starts out okay, nice sets and costumes, cute kids, good effects.

They’re singing the first song! I love musicals. Apparently, the main character is poor (despite the fact that he has a reputation as the best toymaker in town, has a bustling shop and tons of customers). He just got a package in the mail that will turn is life around! Awesome! Wait, why is his wife talking about leaving him? I mean, I know she’s not going to, but what a weird thing to say. “Honey, I just got a promotion!” “Great, sweetheart! And trust me, I’m not going to leave you, ever!”

Well this poor apprentice is getting ignored. Is his boss even going to talk to him? No? Not even a “I’ll help you with your project later?” Not like, “As my apprentice, would you like to be present for my best invention?” I guess not... Poor Gustafson, I’m sure Jeronicus will learn a lesson about ignoring people who are important to you later.

Oh my, Jeronicus just created a sentient toy! How cool! Wait, he’s is going to massproduce this person and then SELL them? That’s... sinister...

Toy doesn’t want to be cloned and sold. Understandable. I would not want that either.

Toy convinces apprentice to steal inventions. Wait... are they the bad guys?

Jeronicus is poor now. Oh, and his wife is dead. I guess that’s why she didn’t get a personality other than “I support my husband”. Lazy writing, that. Don’t like it when they fridge women.

(Fastforwarding to end because I REALLY don’t like it when they fridge women.)

Jeronicus has created another sentient robot! This one can fly. But I guess he hasn’t learned that selling sentient beings (AKA people) is wrong? At least this one seems to like the idea of being a toy for sale? Hard to tell.

Oh, and that’s the end. Okay.

P.S. I had to look up what happened to that poor first robot Diego. Apparently, Jeronicus brainwashed him so that he would behave and then massproduced the robot and sold him against his explicit wishes?! Jesus Christ, this makes me scared for AI when we finally do get them to the point of sentience. Are we going to enslave robots because that’s okay as long as we made them to have fun and they’re not being fun? Like, WT actual F.

[be-more-chill-evan-hansen]

BLACK FRIDAY SPOILERS

The following post contains spoilers for the new musical, Black Friday, by Team Starkid. Continue reading at your own risk. 

MY FAVORITE PARTS FROM THE BLACK FRIDAY DIGITAL TICKET + OTHER COMMENTARY (IN ORDER OF HOW THEY APPEAR) WHILE WATCHING IT FOR THE 4TH OR 5TH TIME [contains very harsh and explicit language]

**These points will be brought up in another post (involving the Hatchetfield Universe theories)

The ENTIRETY of the Wiggly jingle at the beginning

Jaime saying “his belly’s so squishy!” while jumping up and down

The tights

“Uncle Wiley, where does Wiggly come from?”

James Tolbert (Team Starkid choreographer-turned-actor) STOLE the show

Curt Mega’s dancing in that song killed me

“DO THE WIGGLE!”

ROBERT AND JAMES DANCING WAS EVERYTHING

**Paul still doesn’t like musicals? (I have a theory of where this show takes place in the Hatchetfield Universe but that’s for another post)

The way Paul looks at Emma when she’s on her Cabbage Patch Kid rant!

“I’m Paul. I’m Emma’s...boyfriend.”//“Well, we haven’t put a label on it yet.”//“But we are intimate.” (Bonus: Emma’s glare)

Paul is still awkward I love him.

“I do not get flashbacks. I remember bad things vividly.”

“Thank you for your service.”//“I didn’t do it for you.”

“Ski-ball sucks.” (I wholeheartedly disagree but whatever)

Grace Chastity is Tom’s babysitter for Tim confirmed

Okay. Okay. Okay. OKAY. 

TOM JUST WANTS TO MAKE IT UP TO HIS SON BECAUSE HE FEELS GUILTY ABOUT THE CRASH I’M SOFT

DYLAN SAUNDERS STILL STEALING HEARTS

WHY DO YOU GIVE DYLAN ALL OF THE HEART-WRENCHING SONGS????? I DON’T NEED TO CRY AT 4AM

THE LIGHTING 

 “Excuse me, miss. Do you think it’s okay for me to park here?”//“Yeah, it says ‘no parking at any time’ but I’m sure the loading trucks can just park across the street. Does that work for you?”

“If I won’t support my drinking habit, who will?”

“Hark, the herald angels sing. Glory to a newborn king. A fuckin’ furry little monster’s gonna make me a pile of cash.”

“Tell me, Lex. Do you know why they call it Black Friday?”//“Because it comes after Thursday?”

“Well, friend-o. I have a feeling that these little babies are going to take you so far into the black that you ain’t never comin’ back.” *long uncomfortable pause*

“Oh, you’re gonna make a killin’. That’s an Uncle Wiley’s Toys guarantee!”

FRANK HUGGING THE BOX OF WIGGLYS

“Hark, the herald angels sing. Glory to a newborn king. Peace on Earth, and lots of money. MONEYMONEYMONEYMONEY just for ME.”

JON’S VOICE AS WIGGLY I CAN’T

“mALL security we got a shoplifter. Drop that doll!” (His voice crack killed me oh my God)

HIS OUTFIT (The first time I saw him I went “Oh my God he’s emo”)

“Where’s my sister?”// “Oh no.” *stares dramatically* “Hannah?” *even more dramatic* “Is that what you’ve been telling me every day for the past four weeks? To pick up your kid sister?” *grabbing Lex* “Oh, I must’ve forgot because I’m so stupid.” Ethan needs to take up drama

“Do I gotta put a leash on you like a dog, or my cousin Oliver?” 

“Don’t pull her.”//*voice crack* “I’m nOt.”

“Alright banana split.” i’m not crying 

“You see this hat? This was gifted to me by a great warrior.” *Lex laughs*/*Ethan turns around slowly* “Don’t you fuckin’ laugh.”

“I’d make a great dad, I’m just sayin’.” (Ethan isn’t a horrible person he’s just misguided)

“My mom’s a bitch!”

Honestly the way Ethan looks at Lex

*in the middle of singing* “That’s not how cameras work, babe.”

Hannah’s dancing

ROBERT’S WIGGLES DURING “We’re missing in action.”

“Dear mom, it’s been real."

“I’d say you did your best, but I’m not a liar.”//“Oh, L-I-E-R, babe.”//“We get it Ethan, you’re a good speller.”

“PS: Get yourself a new trailer, because this one? Is BROKE AS SHIT!”

Robert in skinny jeans. Can Robert wear skinny jeans more often please?

Hannah doing the “smoking” thing with her hands.

“Hannah! What the fuck is this [imitating it]?That better be fucking FLOSS.”

UGH LAUREN AS LINDA MONROE IS LEGENDARY

“That’s called a bribe, sir, and it’s illegal...or it should be.”

“I have four boys. Four beautiful, blond, boys.”

“Do you really think your children are better than everyone else’s.”// “In so many words, YES.”

“I hope you don’t get a Wiggly. I hope you fucking die.”

“Well, my children were accidents.”

“Stop crying, Gerald. I wasn’t talking to you.”

The way Tom and Becky looked at each other when they met again ugh.

Whatever that song is called when the Hatchetfield citizens were gossiping about it like I think it’s called “What Do You Say?” or something?

“Tom’s put on some weight.”

“I heard Tom is seeing things.”

Jon is serving looks.

The dance they did when they said “all the years that had fun” killed me

Curt Mega is a treasure

“It’s cold out.”//“Nothing really.”//“How are things?”//“Haven’t seen it.”

“Oh my, God, it’s a train-wreck.”//“My favorite.”//“Give me my tub of popcorn.”//“Just skip to the fucking.”//“She’d never--.”//“Either way this is torture porn.”

“I think I’ll step in and save her.”// “You don’t have half of a chance, bitch.”

“THERE, she looked at his crotch.”//“He looked at her boobs.”

“I like dolls. I’m just kidding. I don’t like dolls. At least, not like that.”// “I missed you.” *everyone freaks out*

The dance that looks like a beating heart around them I love.

“Did you know if you spend money, your kids will love you maybe.”

COREY DORRIS NEEDS APPRECIATION BYE

“Give us your fucking money. Give us your fucking cash.”

SERIOUSLY I CAN’T WAIT FOR THIS RECORDING

“Do we have any morality.”

“What’s a grown man going to do with 85 dolls?”// “Well, one will stay in the box for posterity. One will be used exclusively for bath time.”

“If you’re going to make with the hysterics, TAKE IT TO MACY’S.”// “How dare you. Are you hearing this, Gerald? Yes, call my attorney.”

“I’ll tickle one doll, and one doll will tickle me.”

The bidding war.

“Get your hands off her.”// “Fuck YOU.”

The lighting slowly gets red when they start bidding.

“$800.”//“$3.”//“Can I use these coupons?”

“Well, if you’re not going to sell me that doll, I guess I’ll just gonna have to take it.”

“If he gets one, I’m getting four.” *Linda climbs the counter like Draco*

So the lighting during “Feast or Famine” is just???? The green and red??? Like holiday colors but at the same time it’s representative of greed and rage???? 

Just all of “Feast or Famine”

“What’s shaking banana, you okay?” I’M HAVING FEELINGS UGH

“What’s up with that grammar. Even I know it’s ‘more badder’.” Ethan no

ETHAN NO

“Give me that fucking doll I’m in a hurry.” Okay, Jeff you freaking gremlin man

WHO BRINGS A KNIFE SHOPPING?? Unless he stole that, too.

“Do you see him? Do you see him? Do you see him?”//“YES, I fucking see him!”

James as “Obama” I’m crying

“I’ll hold onto the little...uh...whippersnapper.”

“While you three devise a strategy, I’ll hold on to the little friend.”// “Shut the fuck up!”

“You’re nothing more than a Harvard Law School community organizing prick!” I’M SCREAMING

“Take one step closer to my fwendy-wend and I’ll rip your fucking throat out with my own teeth.”

“No, he’s mine! Back off or I will send a laser-guided ballistic missile to your house in Denver. You’ll be scraping off what’s left of your kids off the FUCKING pavement.”

“MORRIS. Give me that COCK-SUCKING MOTHERFUCKING COCK-A-DOODLE-DOLL” CURT MEGA IS A TREASURE 

“I’ll bite your dick off!”

THE AUDIENCE (AND MY) REACTION TO MCNAMARA 

*Obama voice* “Oh, I’m gonna vomit.”

“I hope you don’t mind if I let myself in.”// “Into the oval office?”

“Monsters and Men” IS A BOP

*yeets the Wiggly off stage*

“DECK THE HALLS” IS A BOP

I would 100% watch “Santa Claus is Going to High School” unironically

“Jingle! Jangle! If anyone sees two elves in my locker, I’ll get expelled for sure.”

The dancing UGH

Lauren is the cutest elf ever

PART THREE OF LAUREN AND ROBERT DOING A CUTE DANCE TOGETHER

“What the fuck am I watching?”

Becky talking about her ex-husband breaks my heart. I would die for her.

“You say you killed your family. I hope I killed mine.” My heart is breaking help me

Becky and Tom are freaking CUTE

“Take Me Back” is the cutest song ever

All of the times the characters mention other dimensions and stuff??? Each has a different context, but Joey’s character did say that Hatchetfield was a special town earlier in the show so????

All of the making out I’m done

Becky’s leg

“I knew you weren’t Santa.”//“A red tricycle.”//“SANTA!” *starts making out*

“This is the best movie ever!”

Robert has to make out with two people every day.

**PEIP deals with Paranormal, Extraterrestrial, and Interdimensional stuff, so if TGWDLM was Extraterrestrial, and BF is Interdemensional, will Nerdy Prudes Must Die be Paranormal? Will we see PEIP again? [I’M GOING TO MAKE A SEPARATE POST ABOUT THE THEORIES WITHIN THE UNIVERSE]

**“There are many dimensions, sir.”

“You want to send me into the fucking Twilight Zone to have a sit-down with the devil?”

“They will build him his birth canal.” Ew

Sherman Young is so freaking creepy

“Wiggly is good. Wiggly is just.”

“Bring forth the infidels.”

*as Linda walks onto the stage* “MOTHER MOTHER MOTHER”

“I dislike that word, Gerald. Cult. No, it’s a new, exciting religion that I started.”

“I’ve met God, He had nothing nice to say about you.”

“Adore Me” is a BOP

“You’ll kneel before me. Kiss my toe.”

“I will destroy everything, and then I will destroy everything. I guarantee I’ll destroy everything in my path. Unless I get what I--shit, Gerald.”

The followers repeating “I get what I shit.”

THE TIE AROUND JON’S HEAD KILLS ME

“I want you to know what I mean when I say my evil shit, ‘kay?”

TEAM STARKID PLEASE MAKE LAUREN A VILLAIN MORE OFTEN

“What’s shaking banana?” DON’T DO THIS TO ME

Evil Ethan hurts me

Hannah doesn’t deserve this

“I’m in the Black and White now. It’s just like California. It never ends.”

“I swear on my own grave.” I’M

Hannah calling Wiggly out on his bullshit

“Well, Webby is a stupid bitch.” JON UGH

“I’m going to eat you riiiight the fuuuuck nowwwww.” This scene just makes me want to give Hannah a hug

“We don’t get tricked. We’re grown-ups.” GROWN-UPS ARE THE ONLY ONES BEING TRICKED I CAN’T WITH THIS MUSICAL

“Tom, how could you? You let her get away!”

Dylan jumping at an audience member

I know people think that Ethan’s magic hat thing was bullshit but like the syringe missed Hannah so like?? 

“You think that in the Netherlands they care about some toy? Hah! Nah, they’re too busy enjoying their free vacations and free health care.”

Made In America is A BOP

THE SNIGGLES

BIG WIGGLY

I feel like Made in America won’t have the same punch on the soundtrack.

Joey’s falsetto

R.I.P. General John McNamara

“MERRY CHRISTMAS MOTHERFUCKER!”

“Uh, oh, Mr. Prezy-wez. It seems you’ve misplaced your bomby-womb. Don’t worry. I’m sure it will turn up somewhere.”

“We’ve lost Moscow, sir.”

“He baited us into World War Three.”//*Wiggly giggles* “That tickles.”

“Is this what I live for? To be choked in a toy store?”

“Black Friday” is such a beautiful song though

“Did I need her more than she needed me?” I’m crying please stop

“I’m authorizing you to use my firearm.”

“Monsters and Men” reprise is PERFECT

“Kids don’t want that piece of shit.”//“What?”//“They’re all into Fortnight, dude!”

“I mean, you’re like 40! You probably think your life is over!”

“Everyone is dying, and that includes me, too.” Jeff is a lyrical genius but he needs to back off of whatever angsty juice he’s drinking.

“If I fail you one more time, the punishment won’t match the crime, cause there’s no pain that could ever explain how I let you down.”

“I failed you once, and I will fail again.” I cried when I watched this the first time

“If I Fail You” is such an emotional song

“Alright, let’s go.”//“Fuck, yeah! Should I move these boxes first?”//“Fuck, yeah.”

Charlotte? Where did you come from???

“The only man that’ll have her now is Jack Daniels.”

“And you, you little shit.” Says Draco, the little shit.

“A magic hat? That’s ridiculous. Only dolls are magic.”

“Is this some kind of a joOoOoOoke?”

“Answer me, or I’ll cut your mouth open with my FUCKING KNIFE.”

“You’re a fucking moron.”// “Then you’ve been out-fucked by a fucking moron.”

Lauren’s wiggles during “He will wigglewigglewigglewigglewiggle his way into life.”

“Wiggle” is such a silly song but the harmonies and choreography????? Iconic.

ROBERT’S TWIRL???

JAMES’ DEATH DROP????

EVERYONE’S SEPARATE WIGGLES????

The crying when Becky shot Linda.

“Gerald? It’s Gary. Yep, we need to talk about the will. Goldstein!”

The red light that symbolized Wiggly being on fire.

The followers deciding to burn with Wiggly.

“I have this cooky, reclusive Biology professor.” *audience loses their shit*

“What am I supposed to do without my iPhone?”//“Wear a watch?”

“What If Tomorrow Comes” is such a haunting song

Kendall’s voice is so GOOD!

HOT CHOCOLATE BOY?

MR. DAVIDSON?

BILL?

The dabbing

Hannah and Lex hugging

Paul hugging Emma and Bill

The Hot Chocolate Boy and the Cinema Kid holding hands honestly adorable and I lowkey ship

A little bit of instrumentals from “Not Your Seed” in the end-credit music?? (From the lyric “Look what happened, nightmare time.”)

That’s it. It’s very long, but those were either my favorite parts or small things I noticed. Mostly just my thoughts.

[madebyleftovermuses]

The one with Grandpa’s writing

Chapter Sixty-Three: Hereditary

* So vigilante!Archie ties these kids up and then as Archie finds them and brings them to pop’s to sort them out 👌🏻

* Aw, Betty ordered Jughead food

* Jug ignoring Betty’s advice of taking a walk, looking at art and kissing his girlfriend

* She had to tell him twice to kiss her

* One of us! One of us! One of us!

* Cheryl should know she was dreaming since Toni wasn’t in bed with her

* Why the hell does she have that creepy ass doll in her bedroom? And why the hell does Toni allow it?

* Dodger trashed the gym

* Archie just straight up telling FP where Dodger is operating out of like he didn’t beat him up out there

* Have we actually ruled that Charles is gay

* I don’t like Hermosa

* Veronica asking if she has any other siblings

* Hiram returning to his passion

* extortion and murder👌🏻

* His passion is rum of course

* Veronica not wanting her sister to help in her speakeasy that should be totally illegal for a high school student to be operating

* Veronica kicking out her father and sister

* Jug thinking Grandpa Jones wrote the first book

* Jughead is really hung up in his grandfather despite everything his father has told him which honestly is very contradicting

* Betty visiting Chic because why the fuck not

* Yes lets go to Chic for information on Charles because we totally can trust whatever comes out of his mouth

* So, I cannot picture Cheryl missing school. She bragged about her GPA but she’s the queen bee of the school so she wouldn’t miss school

* Cheryl pour salt around the doll probably should put some iron around it too

* Charles upset that Betty went to Chic but like same

* Betty outright telling him she doesn’t trust him

* So, how long has Jingle Jangle been around and did the Ghoulies actually create it or just found the recipe and made their own?

* Archie looking for arcade games for the kids

* Veronica is like whats this about arcade games?

* Cheryl in trouble oooooh

* Nope just an accident

* I’m sorry but how the fuck did Dagwood choke on a ping pong ball? They aren’t that small or am I confused

* Veronica laying out the sitting arrangements for the club

* Just googled if you can choke on a ping pong ball and the answer is fucking no so what the fuck Riverdale?!

* Booth 11 is for enemies

* Cheryl calling the doll a demon doll 👌🏻

* And finding him with Jason

* Surprise family back in town

* Of course Cheryl faints its just family

* Nobody fucking cares what you did in Miami

* Sitting Hiram and Hermosa at booth 11 is a power move

* Charles hooked up to a lie detector

* Sounds familiar like when someone killed shady man and Betty walked in

* He’s a recovering addict at least there’s meetings for his addiction unlike my Funko Pop figure addiction

* I feel like there is more than just the narcotic addition

* This fucker in Archie’s gym that he came him

* Damn right Fred was a good man!

* Archie being nice to the man who tried killing him and tried sending him to jail

* Hiram wanting to donate to Archie’s cause of saving the at risk youth

* Fuck you aunt Cricket

* So, Clifford had a twin brother both are dead and then Penelope who was adopted is in the wind but how in the world are those people aunt and uncle at most they’re cousins to her parents

* Also, is Cricket a blossom like Polly and married into the family to keep the bloodline pure? SO MANY QUESTIONS ABOUT THE BLOSSOM FAMILY!!

* Wanting to sell the maple farm

* Cheryl needs to get away from thistle house

* And Cheryl thinking it makes sense

* Wow Cheryl going crazy over the chapel....here’s an idea Cheryl BURY YOUR BROTHER AND REGULARLY VISIT HIS GRAVE LIKE A NORMAL PERSON!!

* Hiram just showing up, taking his clothes off and Hermione not really stoping him

* Yes, because who doesn’t want a husband who orders a hit out on you

* “I already regret this” as you should

* Jughead following the Forsythe the First breadcrumbs

* Again very confused about why they decided to have two high schools both Jones’s went to Riverdale High yet they built Southside High after the parents graduated

* So, there is a train from wherever Stonewall Prep is and Riverdale

* Archie got arcade games

* Pizza isn’t life apparently, burgers and fries draws in a crowd

* Cheryl trying to drown this doll

* Should we be concerned that there are bubbles coming from the doll

* “Mom I have a surprise for you” she does too

* Hiram is back because why the fuck not

* Hiram thinking Veronica is jealous of Hermosa

* Frosty Pajamas of course that would be his grandfather’s pen name and Riverdale High

* Jughead finding GPJ’s writing

* How could Chic know the location? FP handled it the second time and it was i think after Chic was gone from the house

* What evidence? You dissolved the body with Lye which pretty sure there isn’t a body anymore unless I’m wrong

* The car was taken care of and the blood was cleaned up and pretty sure burned

* So again i ask WHAT THE FUCK RIVERDALE?!

* Burgers brought in a crowd...kind of surprise Jug isn’t there for the free burgers because he would

* If Jordan Conner was still on the show he would have shown up just for the arcade games...i really hope we get our Sweet Pea back

* “You’re costing me my work force” that’s the idea asshole

* Dodger thinking Archie is the masked man...i mean he’s right

* They waited up after FP said not to wait up

* One thing that bothers me about the whole Charles thing is THEY DIDNT GET A DNA TEST!! After Chic you’d think they would to actually make sure it is their child and not trust the word of mouth

* Still don’t know how I feel about Charles

* Jug talking to Mr. DuPont about the first book

* DuPont not liking the idea of Jug calling him out about the first book

* DuPont getting pissy that Jug just called him out as a plagerist

* How dare you call GPJ a bottom-feeding dropout in a third rate school

* Don’t being FP into this you stuck up asshole

* Mr. DuPont your privilege is showing

* I know who you are, you are a privileged old white dude who looks down on the working class

* I’m sorry did this asshole threaten to kick out Jug for confronting him about stealing someone’s work? I’m pretty sure that’s not grounds of expulsion

* DuPont got really hostile so yeah he stole GPJ’s work

* Hermosa telling Veronica about the relationship between her mother and their father

* Hiram really gave both daughters pearl necklaces like he cant come up with an original gift

* The father you know didn’t try sending the love of your high school life to prison or try killing him

* Cheryl really blocking anyone from entering that chapel

* Can they declare her unfit? But i mean yeah she is mentally unwell

* WHAT IS YOUR COUSIN’S NAME CHERYL? HE’S KINDA CUTE

* Going to Chipping with the fact that DuPont didnt write the first book

* Archie you idiot you put your mother in danger!!!

* Do you wanna be an orphan or have your mother bury her child after she buried her ex-husband (were they divorced?)

* Another daughter portrait

* FYI you’re only the apple of his eye because Veronica disowned him

* Veronica skipping the sham of a vow renewal

* Really idiot!!! You go to Hiram to get rid of Dodger!!

* Jughead you ruined your teacher by telling him DuPont is a thief!!

* And out the window Chipping goes

* Zero fucks were giving by the other four students the Chipping dove out the window

* Finally someone telling Cheryl she’s problematic with her obsession with Jason

* She’ll end up in a mental institution, true

* But not for a long time (well, maybe)

* But you just committed B&E, and assault two counts

* The only thing the authorities will do is put her into a hospital

* And you just threaten murder so, you’ll go to jail

* Toni for the save and it was self-defense

* The fuck Charles and Chic!!

* Dodger got beat up!

* Bret is happy that the seminar is cancelled and that they all get 4.0s because that’s totally how that works

* Bret taking pleasure in Chipplings demise

* Nope you guys get DuPont for the seminar

* Also FUCK YOU BRET!! NO ONE LIKES YOU

[southside-vixen]

Fire and Ice (Sweet Pea) 9

Chapter 9: I’ll Stay

AO3

Adrianna Rivera has just made a difficult move from Arizona to the southside of Riverdale. With the history of her life in Phoenix behind her will she be able to find a new family in the Southside Serpents? Or will a certain tall, dark, and rage inducing Serpent cause issues?

Sweet Pea

It was currently 10PM and Adria had already been missing for 8 hours. A group of Serpents stood around in Ness Allen’s living room as she cycled between pacing and sitting with her head in her hands.

“I haven’t heard from her since 2.” Ness took a long drag from her cigarette, completely disregarding the year she spent after quitting “She was pulled out of school to see her social worker. She sent me a text after saying she needed some time to herself and I haven’t heard from her since.”

“You should have told us sooner!” Fangs slammed his first on the arm of the couch, making a small thud.

“Quiet, boy.” FP said from across the room, his arms folded across his chest “Let her finish.”

“I know I should have called earlier!” Ness tried to keep herself together “She’s just like me at her age, I figured she’d be back eventually. Her dad just died for fuck’s sake!”

Died.

It made it sound inevitable. Like he wasn’t brutally murdered in his cell by his enemies. Sweet Pea was never too close with Adria but it wasn’t like he hated her. She was just fun to antagonize. Well, maybe he hated her at first but that was all water under the bridge.

“Here’s what we’re going to do.” FP stepped into the center of the room “We’re going to split up and search the entirety of Riverdale. Adria might not be an official Serpent but she’s one of our own. Ness I’m gonna need you to stay here in case she comes back.”

Vanessa Allen nodded slowly.

“As for the rest of you, here are your assignments.” FP pointed on a map, divvying up the whole town into sections for each Serpent to search. “If you see anything or when you’re finished you report to me immediately. I expect this search to be thorough.”

Sweet Pea exited the trailer with Toni, Fangs, and Jughead. The silence seemed like forever before Fangs spoke up

“I can’t believe she’d do something this stupid when there’s a murderer on the loose.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and kicked at the dirt. Sweet Pea could see that he was beating himself up for this. Even though there was no way he could have prevented any of it.

“It doesn’t matter now.” Toni said “We need to find her. She’s family. No Serpent left behind.”

“No Serpent left behind” the rest of the group murmured.

“Is there anywhere she might go that no one else thought of?” Jughead asked “You guys know her best.”

The trio racked their brains trying to think of anywhere that might make sense. She wasn’t entirely familiar with Riverdale to their knowledge. They only knew of the places where they would usually be on a weeknight. Pops, the Wyrm, the quarry, or her trailer.

“We’ll find her.” Sweet Pea placed his hand on Fangs shoulder, who only gave a small nod “The town isn’t that big and the black hood doesn’t want anything to do with outsiders.” At least to his knowledge.

Their biggest concern, even if no one would say it out loud, was the remaining Ghoulies. They had seen her with the Serpents at school and after Malachai being put in jail any Serpent alone was a target.

‘Please be safe.’ Sweet Pea thought to himself.

2 hours had passed since their meeting at the Allen trailer and no one had seen Adria anywhere. Sweet Pea combed over the quarry with a fine toothed comb. Hell, there weren’t even footprints. When he texted Toni and Fangs it seemed like they had the same amount of luck.

He called FP to check in, hoping that maybe he would have good news. But there was none. Only a heavy sigh from FP and more orders to double check a different area. As much as he tried to block it out all he could remember is the look on her face when she left the classroom earlier that day. The small wink and smile she gave him and Toni as she stood up and walked out. The two just assumed she got busted for doing something stupid. That was until she didn’t come back. There was no tiny brunette girl waiting in the parking lot in her oversized leather jacket. No second body on the back of Fangs’ back during the ride home.

Sweet Pea brought his hand up to the dog tags around his neck. He knew how it was to lose someone.

-----------------

Adria

Adria Rivera stumbled out of the tattoo parlor, clutching a handful of straws. It was as much as her meager paycheck at the Wyrm would buy, and at this point she was desperate for whatever she could get her hands on.

Her dad was all she had left after her mother died. As much as she hated to admit it she couldn’t remember her voice anymore. 10 years passed since she lost her to an aggressive form of cancer. She could only remember her as the frail woman she became, not the beautiful blonde from all the photos her dad kept.

Her day started off well enough. Tryout results for the River Vixens were posted and sure enough both she and Toni made it. Although she wasn’t sure if she made it on her own merit or Toni’s pull with Cheryl. She actually studied for her chemistry test and she was sure she did pretty well. Oh, and Fangs snuck out and brought them all back burgers from Pop’s.

Then it happened. Her world crashed into a burning heap over the course of a half hour. Every word her social worker spoke just made her angrier. Her father wasn’t supposed to be in jail and he sure as hell wasn’t supposed to die in there. Where was his protection?

She knew she was being selfish right now but she couldn’t bear the thought of seeing anyone. She laid underneath the overpass by Sweetwater River for hours. Staring up at nothing. Wishing that someone would call and say it was all a mistake. But the only thing she received were voicemails and texts from Ness telling her to come home.

That’s when the idea struck her. To go find some random Ghoulie to sell her jingle jangle. Something to help ease her pain. Now here she stood, staring down at the straws in her hand. She quickly checked her phone to see that it was already midnight. She slowly made her way to the Wyrm, emptying the contents of a couple straws into her mouth on the way there. She was sure with how her day went at least someone at the bar would buy her a drink.

But there was no one there. The whole bar was dark, which even for a weeknight was weird. Not like it mattered considering she had a key. Adria unlocked the door with shaking hands and flipped on the light. She glanced around at the room again before giving a small shrug and walking up to the bar.

She hoisted herself up onto the bar top and grabbed around behind the counter for the first bottle she could find. Cinnamon whiskey. Not her first choice but at this point she would drink anything. Adria flicked off the cap and chugged straight from the bottle, laying down across the bar. Soon she would be numb.

-------------------

Sweet Pea

Sweet Pea punched the alley wall. This whole area was another bust. Maybe she hopped a bus back to Arizona. Maybe she was dead. Fuck if he knew. This was a new level of selfish even for her. Sweet Pea made his way back to the Wyrm. Maybe some of the other Serpents met back up there after finding her. Or at least he hoped. He was pretty sure if Ness didn’t kill her that he would.

Sure enough, there was a light on. But looking through the window he could see the bar was still empty. All except a small brunette girl laying across the bar. Sweet Pea ran to the door and ripped it open, noting that she even forgot to lock it. The girl on the bar lifted her head up to make eye contact. Ads.

“Where the hell have you been?” He yelled “Ness and FP have had the whole gang out searching for you and you’re in here getting drunk!” A wave of relief rushed over him. But in a split second the relief was replaced with anger.

“To be fair.” She slurred, propping herself up into a sitting position “The drinking is a recent development.”

Sweet Pea moved closer and looked her in the eyes. Her pupils were huge. Not only was she drunk, but she was on something as well.

“What did you take?” He demanded. “What did you take and who did you get it from?”

“None.” She reached up and tapped him on his nose “of your business” She giggled to herself before bringing the bottle back up to her lips.

Sweet Pea shook his head and grabbed the bottle from her hand. He slid it across the bar where he was sure it would be out of her reach

“We need to get you home. Ness is worried. Toni and Fangs are worried. Hell, all of the Serpents are worried.”

“I’m not going home.” She didn’t look at him “I came here to forget and that’s what I’m gonna do.”

Sweet Pea remembered that feeling all too well. The need for anything to take even an ounce of the pain away. It didn’t matter that it was only a temporary fix.

“Sweet Pea?” He looked back down at her, her eyes burning into his own. The only look on her face one of desperation “Make the pain stop, please.”

She grabbed onto his jacket and pulled him down to her level before crashing her lips onto his. She tasted like cinnamon alcohol and the faintest taste of candy. Before his mind even had time to process the situation he found himself kissing her back. His arms wrapping around her and his hands entangling themselves into her hair.

The kiss was heavy and desperate. The more she took of him the more she wanted, and the more he was willing to give. He felt her hands move their way up his shirt, feeling his abs as his tongue traced her bottom lip. Everything about being with her right now was drunk and sloppy and he couldn’t bring himself to care.

But she was his friend. Sure they didn’t act like it but they both got the same enjoyment out of antagonizing each other. At the end of the day he considered her one of their own. This just isn’t the type of thing that friends do.

He felt her move down to his belt to undo the buckle, struggling to release the mechanism with her shaking hands. That’s when it hit him. This may have felt great, but it wasn’t right.

Sweet Pea untangled himself from Adria and pulled away, leaving her staring up into his eyes. She looked like she would start crying at any moment.

“Why don’t you want me? Just distract me, please.” She begged, trying to reach out to pull him back.

“I can’t.” He looked away “Fuck, Ads. I respect you and I won’t do this to you while you’re drunk and grieving.”

He pulled up a barstool and grabbed her outstretched hand, bringing it to his heart.

“I’ll stay. As long as you need me to, I’ll stay. We’ll go back to Ness when you’re ready.”

And Adria’s façade shattered before him. The tears fell from her eyes like a flood as sobs shook her body. All Sweet Pea could think to do was bring her close and hold her. She didn’t need words to know that he would be there for her.

“I’m an orphan, Pea” she managed to choke out “My family’s dead.”

He stroked her back as she continued to cry into his shoulder “You have all of us. We’re your family, Ads.”

Adria lifted her head off his shoulder and wiped the tears away from her eyes, only to have more fall after them.

“Thank you, Sweet Pea.” She smiled at him

And it was in that moment he realized. Despite the smeared mascara and puffy eyes that she was the most beautiful girl he’d ever laid eyes on.

[sweetpeapapi]

Sexy Time With Malachai

Request by anon: hey! could you do a malachai imagine preferably smut (if u write idk if u do) thankyou

Word count: 1,5K

Warnings: 18+ content (smut), unprotected seks, daddy kink

Tags: @sweetpeabae (message me for a tag).

“Please, (y/n), you’re the only Serpent Malachai respects,” Jughead begged you, “you only need to deliver his Jingle Jangle right back to him, ‘cause we don’t need that crap.”

You crossed your arms over your chest, “Malachai doesn’t respect anyone. Especially not women. You’re going to have to make me one hell of a big offer I cannot refuse if you want me to do it.”

“Fine, if you bring that stuff to Malachai, I swear on the life of Jellybean that I’ll let you be in charge of the Serpents.”

A set of loud gasps filled the silence after Jughead’s words. You raised your eyebrows at him and smirked.

“Well, that sure is an offer I’m not going to refuse. Fine then. I’ll do it. But I need to be sure you guys will support me if I become your leader.”

“Of course, (y/n), you have our word,” Toni said, to which her friends Fangs and Sweet Pea nodded. “we swear.”

“Good. Where is that JJ and where is Malachai hiding?”

“We call it Ghoulie Town a.k.a. Town of Death and you can find it near Sweet Water River. I’ll take you as far as I can and from there on you’ll have to go by yourself.”

“Town of Death huh? Sounds lame. When do we leave?“ you asked.

“How about right now?” Jughead said, “the sooner the better.”

“Alright then. Let me grab my pocket knife and I’ll meet you outside in five.”

“I still don’t like the idea, so you owe me big time after I come back.”

“If you come back,” Jughead whispered under his breath. He was glad you hadn’t heard him.

Jughead stopped the car in front of a big oak tree, a trail leading deep into the forest.

“If you follow the trail, you will see a large abandoned building. That’s where you will find him. Good luck.” Jughead nodded at you as you opened the door and left him behind to follow the trail.

After what seemed like an hour walk, you finally saw the building Jughead was talking about. It looked kind of creepy, so perhaps Jughead wasn’t lying when he said they called it Town of Death.

You shook the fear in your body away as you continued walking, coming to a halt as you stood right in front of the door. Right as you were about to knock, the door opened, revealing none other than a smirking Malachai.

“Well, hello there Southside princess. What brings a beautiful girl like you to a scary place like mine?”

You ignored his flirting and walked past him into the building. “Oh I’m sure you’re wondering to what on earth you owe the pleasure of me being in this shitty place.”

Without waiting for answer you continued, “I came to return your Jingle Jangle to you, which we do not need nor want. So next time, please keep your filthy drugs away from us.”

Malachai raised his eyebrow and chuckled, “that’s cute.” He snatched the bag of Jingle Jangle out of your hand and threw it somewhere across the room.

“That’s not my JJ. I don’t sell my stuff to Serpents anymore, so I have no idea how you even got this stuff. Maybe your cute little friends lied to you and set you up into a trap. Aren’t friends just lovely?”

“That’s not Jingle Jangle? Why would my friends do this to me? Why would they lie and send me here?”

“I don’t know, girl. All I know is that you are here now and that I think you look extremely beautiful and that your friends suck.”

“Quit playing games with me already,” you gritted your teeth at him.

“I’m not playing games with me. I mean it. You’re so beautiful and you deserve so much better than being lied to by your own friends. Let me show you how much you’re worth, baby girl.” Malachai snaked his arms around you and pressed you up against his chest, quickly attacking your neck with his lips. His lips roamed all over your neck, pressing kisses and love bites all over it, marking his territory on your skin. You couldn’t help but moan at the feeling.

This was so wrong, yet so right at the same time. You turned around in his arms and crashed your lips onto his in a heated kiss. Your hands travelled up his chest and stopped at his broad shoulders. You grabbed the material of his jacket to push him even closer to you. Malachai’s hands roamed down your body to your bum and he squeezed it, making you squeal out his name.

“Let’s take this to the couch, shall we?” Malachai said between kisses. He pushed you down onto the couch as he unzipped the back of your dress, practically ripping it off your body and letting it fall on the ground. Malachai smirked at the sight in front of him as he quickly shimmied out of his jacket and shirt. You marvelled at his shirtless body. He had such well-defined abs it almost made your mouth water. He then proceeded to unzip his jeans and he let it pool down around his ankles. Through his boxer shorts, you could see his growing erection and the effect you had on the ‘King of Death’ made you smirk. Seemed like his friend down there sure wasn’t death.

Not having the patience for his teasing behaviour, you teasingly slid down his boxer shorts, making his hard length spring free. You gasped as he was even bigger than you’d imagined. Standing up off the couch, you bent down on your knees and licked a teasing stripe from the bottom of his length all the way up to his mushroomed tip. He groaned at the feeling of your mouth wrapped around him as you took him into your mouth. You looked up at him with big eyes, seeing his eyelids flutter closed as a string of curse words escaped from his mouth. His hands wrapped your hair into a ponytail as he guided your head back and forth for his own pleasure.

“Fuck, that’s great,” Malachai said as you let go of his length with a pop. “Get rid of that lingerie for daddy,” he said as he took a seat on the couch, now stroking his length for you. it was a sight for sure. You teasingly slowly unclasped the back of your bra and slowly pulled it off your body, throwing it towards the hot Ghoulie. You bit your lip as your hands trailed down your body, making sure to touch your boobs to tease him some more. Your hands finally slid down to your panties. You were so glad you’d chosen to wear your favourite pair of red Victoria’s Secret. Malachai groaned in anticipation, making you slide the panties down your legs agonizingly slow.

“Take a seat, princess,” Malachai said as he patted his bare thigh. You slowly made your way over to him, swinging your hips in the process. You straddled his lap, touching his length in the process, making him groan.

“Are you going to fuck me good, daddy?” you said as you batted your eyelashes at him.

“Fucking hell, I am,” he said as his flat hand came down on your butt, spanking it a few times. “I have a better idea.” You looked at him questioningly, “how about you ride me instead, doll?”

You didn’t have to be told twice as you took his cock in your hand and guided him to your entrance. You rubbed it up and down your slid to make him lose his mind a bit more. Malachai had had enough of your constant teasing and pushed his length in completely, barely giving you the time to get used to his length when he started moving your hips for you. he groaned at the feeling and you couldn’t help but moan at the pleasure as well. Regaining some of your senses, you picked up the pace, nails digging into his shoulder. He moaned loudly as he felt your walls pulsing around his throbbing length. Malachai’s arms tightened around your wiast as he buried himself to the hilt, making you moan out his name. He buried himself deep inside of you as he reached his relief, groaning loudly as he came inside of you.

You let his length slip out of you as you positioned yourself on his thigh, making you cry out as you were so close to your relief. Malachai seemed to notice what you were doing and placed his index finger on your sensitive nub, stimulating it. It didn’t take long for you to come undone on his thigh, collapsing onto his chest as you came undone from your high.

Malachai wrapped his strong arms around your still shaking figure and let out a chuckle.

“You sure as hell can come here more often to give me back my Jingle Jangle, princess.”

“Wait- you said that JJ wasn’t yours!” you exclaimed angrily.

“Sorry about that, princess,” he said as you rushed to get yourself dressed, not bothered to even cover himself up, “sometimes a little lie is the only thing it takes to get something you want,” he grinned.

“You are disgusting.”

“Tell your friends I said hi. You know where to find me if you ever want to hook up again!” he called after you as you stormed out the building.

[jadekitty777]

Hidden in Plain Sight

Who is ready for a week of fanfiction about my two favorite men?!

Not me 8D!  Because despite having six months to prepare two of the days are still not finished (so be forewarned Day 2 and 4 may not be up on time). But, all the same, I’m determined and excited to finish off an entire week for once! So, let’s jump right in!

Day 1 – Long Distance @taiqrowweek

Summary: When Tai receives a package in the mail from his old academy, he finds there’s an unexpected gift inside from someone else entirely. [Pre-Volume 2]

Rating: K

Ao3 Link: Hidden in Plain Sight

~

The door creaked on its hinges and immediately the sound of excited yips and a jangle of tags greeted Tai in the form of thirty pounds of tiny dog. He juggled the package he carried under one arm to lean down, Zwei’s ears flopping about as he gave him a pet. “Hey there pupster. Sorry I’m late. Did you already eat?” When his answer was only a cold nose nuzzling into his palm rather than a mad dash for the kitchen, he took that as a yes.

Tai was never going to figure out how he learned how to use the can opener.

He kicked the door closed with his heel, dropping his mail on the table as he passed. Zwei started sniffing intently at the box. “Sorry bud, it’s not from the girls.” There was a growly huff of disappointment.

Tai chuckled, stretching his arms over his head as he headed for the kitchen to scrounge around for a dinner of his own. The only sound for the next few minutes was of him, clattering around in the kitchen and the breeze in the trees outside, the silence of the rest of the home leaving a solemn weight to the air. Two months, and he still wasn’t quite used to no longer hearing the various noises of the girls running down the stairs or yelling at each other in the living room as they played the newest fighter game or the faint noise of their laughter drifting from the floor above.

He was immensely proud of them both: of his eldest, who had gotten an acceptance letter well before entrance exams, and of his youngest, who had been allowed to skip two years ahead. Though, he had always known ever since he watched Yang throw down Qrow when she was only seven and Ruby build her first model of Crescent Rose at only ten, that both his girls had immeasurable talent and the drive to pursue their dreams. As a father, he could only encourage them to embrace that potential and ambition, aware that one day he was going to see them grow into the extraordinary huntresses they always wanted to be.

Still, it didn’t mean that watching them get on that airship to Beacon wasn’t one of the hardest days of his life.

It was even harder to say those goodbyes alone and return into the near empty home, more still and lonely then it had ever been.

At least, Tai thought as he sat on the couch with his plate of pasta and reached for the remote, I don’t have to fight for the TV anymore.

He turned it on, the television already on his favorite channel, and set the remote aside. He balanced his plate in one hand, reaching down to curl his other arm around his dog, hefting him up beside him. They got comfortable, Zwei nestling up against his side while Tai kicked off his shoes and rested his feet on the table. “Oh gods, I remember this one,” He said as the sitcom’s laugh track played after one of Starla’s typical neurotic-induced jokes. “This is the one where Annie and Davy get the male nanny and everyone treats him like he’s gay.”

The corgi gave a slight growl.

“I know, right?” He laughed, twisting his chopsticks around some noodles.

They watched the rest of the episode, infuriating as it was, and the next that played for the power hour, plus one of All Our Life. By the time the intro to Collide started playing, the sky outside had turned dark and Tai was starting to feel the drag of exhaustion trying to pull his eyelids down and knew it was time to call it a night. He shut off the TV, getting to his feet. Zwei, who had rolled onto his back to take a nap, awoke and wiggled his paws a bit. Tai rubbed his belly before helping him on the ground floor so he could run out the doggy door. He wandered back into the kitchen to clean up the dishes and by the time he was done, Zwei was back inside, settling onto his doggy bed. It seemed he was going to stay down here tonight.

“Night buddy.” He said, giving his pet a few more affectionate pats, before picking up the package and heading upstairs.

He set the box on his bed and headed into the bathroom to shower and brush his teeth. He reemerged to slip into some comfortable sleep shorts, tousling his hair one more time with the towel before tossing it onto the floor. He sat down on his bed, picking up the package and setting it in his lap. There was no return address, but he knew who it was from. He pulled off the tape, only finding two items inside. The first was a palm-sized black plastic case with no distinguishable marks on it. The other was a note that simply read:

I have a feeling you may not be in Vale anymore

Tai rolled his eyes. He had to wonder where his old headmaster’s sense of humor came from. “Very funny, Oz.” He set the scripted letter aside, before pulling out the case next, dropping the cardboard box onto the floor. Popping the top open, he eyed the chip that rested atop cotton padding. There was a picture of a gear etched on its tiny surface. The last time he had seen it had been fourteen years ago. He carefully fished it out, holding it delicately between his fingers. For what it held on it, it was extremely unimpressive looking.

He reached for his nightstand, pulling over his Scroll DEX.

And hesitated.

Did he really want to do this again?

Tai pondered the question, staring at his reflection in the transparent screen. What stared back was a man who was nearly two decades older, age lines starting to show and a paleness to his hair that had once been so vibrant. While he had kept in shape over all these years and had fought the occasional Grimm around the perimeter or when enlisted by Patch’s call-to-duty system to deal with bigger threats, he knew it wouldn’t compare to what he was going to face if he joined Ozpin’s inner circle once more.

If you didn’t want to, then why did you call at all? The thought whispered at the back of his mind, the answer already there.

Somewhere within himself, there was still that young orphan boy in him that grew up wanting to protect society from hurting like he once did. To shelter those wishes for peace and safety, knowing all too well the pain it caused when they went unanswered. So, he’d return to this underground war waging out of sight from the rest of society’s eyes so that next generation didn’t have to.

He’d return, because that’s what a Huntsman does.

The screen lit up as Tai slipped the chip into the device. It read ‘Initializing’, beginning a percentage counter that haltingly climbed in number. Once it finished, it would have all his old data on it as well as any new intel, any of his current objectives and secure, untraceable connections with the rest of the association. Reading over everything could wait until morning. He hooked the phone to the charger and set it on the nightstand, before shutting off the lamp and climbing into bed.

He was just drifting into sleep when a sudden jingle jerked him back. He stared in confusion at the blue-tinted light that brightened the ceiling, before rolling onto his side and pulling his Scroll over to read the banner on the lock screen:

216 messages from A Dumb Bird

“What?” He whispered into the night air, sitting up slightly. He pressed in his thumbprint and swiped over the screen, opening up into the messaging app which started him at the most recent entry. It was dated today, two hours ago. It was a short message, only two words:

‘Miss you’

The words themselves made a pleasant buzz hum underneath his skin. The one before it was dated three weeks ago, well after midnight. It was a picture of five puppies in a box.

‘Someone’s selling these droolers for five lien. Think yours needs a friend?’

Tai shook his head, scrolling slowly at first but faster as the dates and messages swam by. A few more weeks. Four months. Ten months. A year. Two years.

He finally got to the first message of the 216 he had been sent, all the way back seven years ago when Qrow had decided the girls were old enough and they were both steady enough for him to quit teaching and work missions for Ozpin again. Overwhelmed by emotion, Tai had to set the Scroll aside, burying his head in his pillow.

“Listen up!” Summer’s ever-sweet lilt was as clear as ever, even in his memory. “I want all of us to make a promise that on these missions, when we get to places that have reception, all of us will send messages to one another to let us know we’re okay. I don’t care if it’s a text, a video or a picture, just send something.”

Qrow knew Tai couldn’t get these messages to this phone without the chip. Hell, he even sent messages or called him on their normal Scroll all the time. And yet, all these years and he still…

He took a breath, before pulling the Scroll over again and started to read each and every one. Some barely said much except that he’d made it to town or when he’d be heading back. There were a few pictures; a collection of mini-whiskey shots found in a hotel room or a big dragon statue with a tiny plastic one the man had balanced on its nose just to tease him about ‘size comparison’. There was even a video in which Qrow, slightly tipsy speech filtering through with mirth, pointed the camera at a normal crow and started to talk about how he “found himself after all these years”. A lot of it didn’t make sense, but Tai still chuckled and even watched it a second time.

It wasn’t until he got to the ones that he had received from three years ago and onwards that he noticed a subtle but still apparent shift to the messages – not to mention the quantity. Suddenly it wasn’t just a few shorts words, but full sentences about how Qrow was doing or what he was looking forward to when he got home. Snippets of how much he loved him or how he missed waking up beside him that Tai had to wonder if the other had sent here because he wasn’t feeling secure enough to send them to him for real. Over a dozen pictures now of various things, like a candy shop he thought the girls might like or a lightning bolt during a storm that lit up the whole sky (with a caption ‘you electrify me’ that had Tai nearly rolling with giddy laughter).

The one that hit the hardest was a video, the only other one in all the messages, that had been shot two years ago. The other huntsman must have been at an inn, because he was leaning against a headboard.

“So, hey.” Qrow started, running a hand along his hair. He often did it to look suave, but this time it only made him seem nervous. “I tried to make it somewhere in time but got held up on the field. You know how it is. So, guess I’m fashionably late.” He winked, but the act was quick to drop and he looked away. “I’m sorry. I wanted to at least call on the right day. I wanted to show you that… I’m here. That even if I’m across the world, I’m always here for you.” He chuckled, offering the camera a half-smile. “Guess I ain’t proving that very well if I’m missing our first anniversary, huh? I’ll try better next time.”

Tai remembered. He’d be lying to say he hadn’t been a little down about it when the day itself passed, but he never held it against Qrow – nor for the next two he also missed. He’d learned, both from being in the profession and exclusively dating those in the same job field, that sometimes the best one could do is just cherish what time you did get together. It was impossible to be a fulltime huntsman and still be able to make every special occasion; and while Tai knew he had a lot of faults, being selfish enough to think he was more important than the people his partner was risking his life to protect was not one of them.

So, when Qrow finally was able to call, it hadn’t mattered to him that it was a few weeks late because the gift of getting to hear his voice was one worth waiting for.

“I just,” The recording continued, the man fully turning back to the camera, “I wanted you to know that, this? You and me? It’s… been amazing. You’re, I mean,” He shook his head, laughing as he ran a hand over his blushing face; he looked unbelievably endearing. “Tai, man, why is this so hard? I’ve known you for years. Yet every time I try to just tell you how much you mean to me, I can’t seem to say anything decent. I’m going to call you soon and what the hell am I gonna say?”

Now that Tai would never forget – because it had been the first time Qrow said “I love you” aloud to him; and it had taken his breath away.

Now he found himself in the same position, as the man he found himself utterly captivated by, smile towards him and say, “I’m just, so happy, you know? Happier than I thought was actually possible. I never thought us being together would make that much of a difference but, it has. It really has.” He rubbed the back of his neck, bashfully adding, “Hopefully I can find a way to tell you that tomorrow.”

The video ended there.

Overwhelmed, Tai scrolled through the rest of the messages until he caught up, staring at the newest one that was now three hours old. He ran his thumb over the two simple words, his heart feeling ready to burst, and hurriedly typed a reply.

‘I love you so much.’

After a minute of no response, he started to go back up to reread again. He was just in the middle of admiring a shot of an old-fashioned air balloon hovering in the sky when his phone pinged and brought him back to the bottom.

‘Tai?’

‘Yeah. It’s me.’ He replied.

There was another lull, but not as long as the last before he replied, ‘Welcome back, you damn dragon.’ Tai smiled, knowing that’s what Qrow had him listed as in his Scroll. There was another ping.

‘I’ll give you five lien if you delete every message prior to these.’

‘No deal unless you’re going to use it to get me a puppy.’

‘Between you and Zwei, I can’t handle any more dogs in the house.’

“Oh my god Qrow!” Tai laughed aloud while writing ‘You charming jerk’ in return.

‘A charming jerk you love.’

The smile he wore was uncontainable. ‘Yeah, I do.’

‘This charming jerk loves you too.’

“Yeah.” Tai whispered, deliriously happy as he held his phone close, never wanting to let it go – or, more precisely, the person on the other end. “I know.”

~ A/N: For those wondering, the show Tai is watching is a reference to Friends and an actual episode that aired in later seasons.

The DEX in Scroll DEX stands for codex, which were oftentimes books filled with parchment paper (which is the same type of paper scrolls are generally made of). It can also stand for Deluxe.

Lastly, this story is mostly a headcanon, but it’s based off the idea the missions Tai starts taking during the duration of Volume 2 – that causes him to send Zwei to the girls – and again at the beginning of volume 3 are indeed for Ozpin rather than just typical Huntsman missions.

[nomettesbizzareadventure]

accumulated wars and flights, (4/?)

After breakfast, Rohan retreats back to his workshop without so much as a thank you, leaving Kakyoin to finish the dishes by himself. He’s a strange one, if not so cruel as Kakyoin imagined. His house swings wildly between rooms of perfectly constructed order and beautiful showpieces to rooms stacked high with canvas and scrap, so overcrowded and haphazard as to be nearly impassable. Kakyoin woke early, his neck stiff from the night before, and wandered through the silent post-dawn house, contemplating the scope and width of his jail cell.

He’s cleaned the pantry and chased away the cobwebs, which is as much work as he cares to do in one day, so he leaves Rohan to his silent toil over his notebooks and heads out, Rohan’s money jingling in his bag.  Rohan didn’t react when Kakyoin said he was going to take some money for supplies, which Kakyoin is taking as permission. It annoys him to have to be so blunt, as he would prefer politeness, but he’s not going to skulk and beg.

His bad mood lasts him through the walk into town and the first of his little errands before dissipating in the face of Morioh’s charm. Even in these circumstances, Kakyoin likes human towns. He likes the purposeful cut of human architecture, so different from nature’s haphazard beauty. He likes the little houses and the little market and all the fruits and vegetables sitting in their boxes, careful and neat, the product of a hundred little transactions. He likes the shops selling beautiful dresses and the shops selling simple cloths and hand-woven goods and the housewives bustling about with their bags. People greet him, people talk to him, and still he’s invisible, no one aware of who he is or what he’s done or all he’s lost.

It’s evening before he can make himself  go back, his arms laden with cleaning supplies and groceries and a pack of books he couldn’t help but buy at the small bookstore in town. He’s only a block from the house when he catches a familiar scent on the wind, something that sets the alarms in the back of his head jangling. He freezes on the spot, looking around. There’s a young man coming up the sidewalk, his dark hair peculiarly arranged. He lifts his head, his pale eyes fixing on Kakyoin, and his nostrils flare. That’s when Kakyoin knows. Wolf.

“Fox,” the young man says. There’s a sword at his hip. For just a moment, Kakyoin sways under the assault of memory, the present day overtaken by the image of the past. Ten years ago, Jotaro looked almost exactly like the young man now approaching Kakyoin. He approached Kakyoin like this, with the same bold fearlessness, his hand ready at the hilt of his sword.

“What are you doing here?” the stranger demands.  His eyes drop down to the money pouch at Kakyoin’s waist. “Did you steal that from Rohan?” The question jolts him back to the present, reminds him that he needs to run.  

“I didn’t steal it,” he says, playing for time, trying to think of the fastest route to run out of town. He could fight and probably win against this pup, but he doesn’t want to damage the town. “Rohan gave it to me.”

“Why?”

“I’m his new assistant,” Kakyoin says.

“Oh!” To Kakyoin’s utter surprise, his opponent steps back and drops into a bow.

“I’m so sorry for the mistake!”  he declares loudly, his face red, voice flustered. “I didn’t realize you’d been invited!”

“It’s… fine.” Kakyoin says carefully, still not sure if this is a ruse. “No harm done.”

“I apologize for the misunderstanding, and welcome you to our town. My name is Josuke Higashikata, and I’m the town watchman.” His face is red and flustered, erasing any previous resemblance to Jotaro.

“I’m Kakyoin Tenmei,” Kakyoin says, giving a fake first name. “I’ll be staying in town for a while, if it’s fine with you.” It would give him a convenient out to be discovered and have to flee, but he doesn’t really want to go. Not yet. There’s still a little tug at his magic, something calling him back to Rohan, and he knows he’s not done. Not yet.

Josuke is studying him.

“I don’t know anything about foxes,” he confesses. “You’re not planning to steal Rohan’s soul or anything, are you? If he has a soul.”

“I’m not that kind of fox,” Kakyoin assures him, thinking of the shattered lives and charred buildings left in Dio’s wake. “Actually, I owe him a favor, so I’m stuck working for him until I pay it off.” Josuke groans sympathetically.

“Rohan’s the worst,” he says.  “He’s not making you do anything terrible, is he?” Josuke seems genuinely concerned. Kakyoin has to wonder how often Rohan brings some kind of wildly inappropriate new assistant into town.

“I only came in recently, but he seems more interested in his paintings than in me.”

“That sounds like Rohan, alright,” Josuke says. “He’s a jerk. When he found out I could turn into a wolf, it was all ‘Josuke, eat this weird meat’ and ‘Josuke, fight this random animal I released into the town’ and stuff like that. He even camped out outside my house for a few days.”

“He thinks I’m human,” Kakyoin says dryly. “Are there a lot of people like you in this town?”

“People like me? Oh, you mean…” Josuke winks ostentatiously, and Kakyoin can’t help but be grateful that there’s no one else on the street. “No, it’s only me. I inherited it from my old man, but he doesn’t live here. Don’t go picking a fight, though! Rohan’s not the only one in town with serious magic.”

“I’m just here for the groceries,” Kakyoin assures him. He doesn’t mind the human town, but he plans to approach it with caution. There are so many people, so close together, and everywhere the hum of magic, of the unexpected, and Kakyoin unable to defend himself with full range of his powers.

“Well, I’ll-” Josuke says, and then stops short. Rohan is coming down the sidewalk.

“Leave my assistant alone, you miscreant,” he says to Josuke.

“I’m not bothering him,” Josuke protests, but Rohan ignores him. He slips past Josuke, grabbing Kakyoin’s sleeve, and takes a step towards the house.  Kakyoin balks at being steered like this, pulling back, but Rohan isn’t even looking at him.

“Your hair is so terrible it should be outlawed,” he tells Josuke, and breaks into a run, dragging Kakyoin behind him.

“What- Rohan-” Kakyoin protests, and then he looks behind him. Josuke’s form has begun to twist and blur at the edges as the transition from human to wolf begins. There’s a black haze twisting around him, and Kakyoin can smell the sharp taste of rage on the wind. He runs.

He and Rohan reach the house only moments before Josuke. Rohan scrambles for his notebook, tears a piece of paper out and slams it on the door.  There’s a boom that shakes the whole house as something crashes into the front door, and then a deranged howl, but the front door holds. NO ENTRY, reads the paper Rohan stuck to the door. Kakyoin starts to laugh. He laughs so hard his shoulders start to shake and his wounds from the day before begin to ache, and he has to steady himself on a table to keep from falling over. Rohan is laughing too, a manic grin on his face as Josuke throws himself against the front of Rohan’s shop, his hulking form shaking the foundations of the house. He turns towards Kakyoin, his face full of delighted conspiracy.

“Welcome to Morioh,” he says.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3. 

[ofrverdale-blog]

WHATS UPPPP FUCKERS! here’s reggie.. and yeah im fucking putting fangs n reggie both on this blog because i can’t handle 2 to save my life soo.. give this a like for plots and whatnot. reggie’s still a dipshit so expect THAT.

*　charles melton, cis male, he/him, canon　━━　riverdale’s very own REGINALD MANTLE is now twenty two years old. they have lived in town for twenty two years, and pop never forgot their regular ━ a frisco melt with an orange freeze. you’ll likely find the security officer for the sherriff station hanging around sweetwater plaza, probably trying to meet up with girls. their friends in sodale will tell you all about how they’re adventurous, exuberant and intuitive, but others might describe them as aggressive or troublesome. oh well, no matter how you feel about reggie, you can’t deny that they are still selling jingle jangle on the down low (for the low low too!).　━━　written by elijah, he/him, 20, cst !

reggie grew up in what looked like, from the outside, a perfect home. there were, simply, no issues at the surface level. but dig down a little deeper into the mantle home, and you’d recognize that reggie’s father wasn’t just the happy-go-lucky luxury car salesam and business man that riverdale saw him as; he was a violent father, his verbal and physical actions pushing reggie to become someone that, by the time he was old enough, he didn’t even recognize.

he was rejecting the side of him that showed any emotion for all of high school, and he never dared let anyone see any softness. it wasn’t until the deaths began occurring that reggie even showed any amount of sadness, and even then it was only there if you could memorize the patterns of reggie’s voice, and his expressions. (which honestly, nobody cared enough to do this.) 

because of reggie’s supreme ability to push other out of his life, his only friends in high school were people that he knew from football, people that he did jingle jangle with, people that he partied with —- not one person who he made a metaphysical connection to.

the boy found himself after graduation, accepting the offer from riverdale’s sheriff to become the security guard at the station; of course, this wasn’t reggie’s pick for a career, but it paid well & it was there for now. 

besides, he sold jingle jangle on the side & what better place to meet potential customers than at a sheriff station?

eventually, reggie found himself unhappy with his life’s choices and the path he had followed, but proposing to his parents that he wanted to leave riverdale & pursue a college education was interrupted by the news of pop tate’s death, and yeah —- maybe reggie lacks common sense, but he understands that now is not the time to just skip town, so he’s staying. staying in riverdale for now, and maybe he can find a way to make the changes to his life within.

cant write wcs to save my damn life so hit me with that like or im and we’ll go from there...

[aion-rsa]

New Christmas Movies to Stream: A Holiday 2020 Streaming Guide

https://ift.tt/3fD2QHM

It’s the holiday season again. Thank goodness. After what has been a particularly difficult year, a little seasonal cheer has never felt more comforting or needed, even if the smiles need to be hidden behind  Christmas themed masks.

There’s never been a better time to curl up with a good Christmas movie on the streaming service of your choice. Of course that includes all of your favorite Christmas classics, which we’ve rounded up a schedule guide for here, but it also means a chance to try something new. Netflix has already gotten a hardy start to the holiday season, and yet more streaming carolers are headed for your door. So without further ado here is a guide to the new streaming presents waiting to be unwrapped.

Angela’s Christmas Wish

Available on Netflix on December 1

Certainly a Christmas movie meant for younger families, Netflix’s upcoming animated film, Angela’s Christmas Wish, promises gentle Yuletide cheer for all-ages. With computer-generated imagery, this film is a sequel to Angela’s Christmas. Like the earlier film, it’s set in the town of Limerick, Ireland at the turn of the 20th century. There Angela is desperate to be reunited with her father for Christmas. Unfortunately, Da’s in Australia. So her first notion is to travel Down Under for the holidays. When that doesn’t work, her next choice is to wish very hard…

The Christmas Chronicles 2

Available now on Netflix

Santa Claus never looked as cool as when Kurt Russell slipped into the red furs with The Christmas Chronicles, a mini-holiday event on Netflix. And with the much anticipated sequel, the man who once was Snake Plissken is bringing real holiday firepower back to the Christmas hearth.

Read more

Movies

New Netflix Christmas Movies in 2020 Ranked from Best to Worst

By Delia Harrington

Movies

Christmas Movies on Disney+ Streaming Guide

By David Crow

For starters Goldie Hawn reprises the role of Mrs. Claus in The Christmas Chronicles 2, but this time as more than a cameo. In fact, the whole film is set in the North Pole with Santa’s workshop never looking so grandiose in its Dickensian cheer—at least until Hunt for the Wilderpeople’s Julian Dennison tries to steal its Christmas magic! A sincere Yuletide epic, this is the first Christmas movie Chris Columbus has made since helming the original two Harry Potter movies. Before that? He directed the all-time classic Home Alone and wrote Gremlins. Will he finally  give Santa’s workshop the Hogwarts treatment?

Dear Santa

Available on VOD on December 4

After helming the sweet and heartfelt documentary, Batkid Begins: The Wish Heard Around the World, filmmaker Dana Nachman returns with this all-ages doc for the holidays. Dear Santa shines a bright light on one of the noblest duties of the U.S. Postal Service, which USPS has been executing for more than a century. With “Operation Santa,” the letters and Christmas wishes of thousands of children from around the country are gathered and sorted—and a lucky number are then answered by Santa’s helpers at the Post Office.

From Small Town, USA to Operation Santa’s ambitious outreach in New York City, Dear Santa might offer some much needed unity and happy tidings this holiday season.

Dolly Parton’s Christmas on the Square

Available now on Netflix

Dolly Parton is amazing, isn’t she? Just this year, she may save us all as one of the key sponsors of a COVID-19 vaccine that is showing significant promise. And in addition to sponsoring coronavirus research and being an absolute delight, this national treasure still found time to star in and write the songs for Christmas on the Square, another all-original Netflix Christmas movie musical.

The film is a bit of a Christmas Carol parable with Christina Baranski being a real Scrooge: She plays a woman who is going to sell her entire small town and evict all her neighbors on Christmas Eve. But with a little musical cheer and divine help from an angel—played by Dolly Parton, of course—she’s going to learn it’s a very Dolly Holiday, after all!

Fatman

Available now on VOD

Even Santa Claus has his limits. And they begin with threats on his life. That’s the amusing premise of Eshom and Ian Nelms’ dark comedic take on the Santa Claus legend. Essentially trying to ground Santa in the same type of earthy nihilism that James Mangold brought to Logan, or Clint Eastwood infused into his own onscreen legend via Unforgiven, Fatman stars Mel Gibson as Chris Kringle, a man at the end of his rope.

He’s over the hill and exhausted about the loss of Christmas Spirit in today’s youth. Worst of all, some snot-nosed kid he gave a piece of coal to has hired a hitman (Walton Goggins) to take him out. Essentially a Western in the North Pole, and a violent one at that, Fatman is amusing because of how straight it plays its nonsense. Definitely not for everyone, we’re sure this film will find its niche by the time of Chris’ big night.

Happiest Season

Available now on Hulu

A true crowd-pleaser, Clea Duvall’s Happiest Season is the type of holiday movie most filmmakers hope they’re lucky enough to make. As a story about family, love, and tinsel, this is an old-fashioned Christmas romantic comedy with a modern twist: It’s the love story of Abby (Kristen Stewart) and Harper (Mackenzie Davis).

In the film, Abby is going home for the holidays with Harper for the first time to meet her family, which includes a stiff WASPy patriarch running for mayor, Ted (Victor Garber). He and Mom (Mary Steenburgen) are happy to meet their daughter’s roommate… but they know her only as a roommate. Harper passed for straight her whole childhood and still won’t come out of the closet now with her father’s political career potentially on the line. Festive holiday cheer and familial anxiety abound in equal measure.

Read more

Movies

Fatman: Why Mel Gibson Found Christmas Spirit at the End of a Gun

By David Crow

TV

100 Best Christmas TV Episodes of All Time

By Wesley Mead

Our own Natalie Zutter said of the movie: “That tension will be familiar to all who have weathered past holiday seasons, while the comfort of a happy ending is a much-needed panacea. You’ll want to spend every future Christmas with Abby, Harper, and DuVall.”

Holidate

Available now on Netflix

Like all romantic comedy subgenres, the Christmas rom-com has been underserved in the last decade. Once a reliable staple of any multiplex diet, it could produce fleeting entertainments like The Holiday or genuine all-time classics like Love Actually.

Holidate will not be mistaken for a classic by anyone. It’s a film that gets by a lot on the general charms of stars Emma Roberts and Luke Bracey, as well as the ability to indulge an R-rated vocabulary in its humor. Otherwise, it’s a pretty standard rom-com setup with both Sloane (Roberts) and Jackson (Bracey) being ridiculously beautiful people who just can’t find a date for Christmas. So they decide to pretend to be a couple to appease each’s family by going on “holidates.” Guess what happens next?

Jingle Jangle: A Christmas Journey

Available now on Netflix

John Legend and Philip Lawrence wrote the songs to this all-original Christmas musical. Let’s repeat that. John Legend, the Grammy winning singer and songwriter behind “All of Me” and “Glory,” and Philip Lawrence, another Grammy winning songwriter partially behind hits like “Grenade” and “Marry You,” wrote the songs for a Christmas musical.

Read more

TV

Is A Muppet Family Christmas the Best Holiday Special Ever?

By Wil Jones

Movies

The Best Christmas Movie Soundtracks of All Time

By Ivan Radford

To top it all off, the film stars Forest Whitaker as Jeronicus Jangle, a toymaker who has just finished his masterpiece: a sentient doll that will change Christmas forever. There’s also a dastardly Keegan-Michael Key as a rival toymaker who wishes to steal the toy, but the point is it’s a Christmas musical with ear worms for days. What are you waiting for?

Operation Christmas Drop

Available now on Netflix

Operation Christmas Drop is a real procedure that is one of the most remarkable (and remarkably overlooked) performed by the U.S. Air Force. With cooperation with local authorities in Guam, the American military drops medicine, food, and toys over multiple islands across Micronesia, bringing Christmas to tens of thousands of people each year. And this event is finally getting recognized as the setting for a lovely Christmas comedy that it is.

In Operation Christmas Drop, the Netflix movie, Kat Graham plays Erica, a congressional aide who has come to the islands looking for a promotion, and perhaps unwisely toward a future as a Grinch. She’s here to determine if Operation Christmas Drop is money Congress no longer needs to allocate. But with the help of a dreamy smile from an Air Force captain, and a little Yuletide adventure, she might just discover Christmas miracles really do come from the sky. 

The Princess Switched, Switched Again

Available now on Netflix

Remember The Princess Switch from two years ago? It’s the one where Vanessa Hudgens plays both a small town American girl and a European royal who, as luck would have it, are complete doppelgangers. And they switch places just in time for the holidays! Either you recall it or you don’t, and if you do we’ve got good news: They made a sequel!!!

Read more

Movies

Inside Pixar’s Soul and the Secrets of Life Before Death

By Don Kaye

Movies

A Christmas Carol: the best and worst adaptations

By Robert Keeling

In the follow-up, the princess and small town gal switch places again during the holiday season. But wait, there’s more! Lady Margaret (Hudgens) also has an evil cousin named Fiona who looks pretty familiar (she’s also played by Hudgens)… and who switches places again with the princess who is not in fact a princess. Surely Santa won’t be the only one confused by all these hijinks come Christmas Eve.

Soul

Available on Disney+ on December 25

While technically not a movie about Christmas, we can’t imagine a more festive film for the actual 25th than Pixar’s long-awaited Soul. A new film co-directed by Pete Docter (Inside Out, Up), Soul is Pixar’s most ambitious film since Coco and a real emotional stunner.

In the movie, Jamie Foxx voices a guy named Joe, a jazz musician who finally gets his big break… and then falls down a manhole. Seemingly sent to the other side, Joe’s not ready to go toward the light and instead ends up taking another soul under his wing… literally since 22 (Tina Fey) is a soul who’s never lived, nor has any desire to do so until Joe teaches her the magic of jazz, pizza, and, well, living. It’s sweet, surprising, and more than its marketing suggests…

Captain Underpants: Mega Blissmas

Available on Netflix on December 4

Technically more of a “Christmas special” than a Christmas movie, Captain Underpants: Mega Blissmas appears just too blissful to ignore. Based on the mega popular Captain Underpants children’s books by Dav Pilkey, this Netflix special follows George and Harold’s misguided attempts to make Christmas “Blissmas,” a period of supreme satisfaction for everyone… but perhaps with too much selfishness. Can Captain Underpants save the day? Do you have to ask?

Also coming to streaming:

Mighty Express: A Mighty Christmas (Netflix, Dec. 4)

Super Monsters: Santa’s Super Monster Helpers (Netflix, Dec. 8)A Trash Truck Christmas (Netflix, Dec. 11)

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The post New Christmas Movies to Stream: A Holiday 2020 Streaming Guide appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[daveykid]

A Deeper Look into Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the U.S.A."

I'm not sure how much specifically you know about this album, possibly aside from the album's title track. (Which so happens to be the ultimate embodiment of the theme of this deeper look, and quite likely not so unintentionally.)

First, the obvious side.

This record is the best seller for Bruce & his band at an estimated 30 million units. It's also estimated to be the 25th top-selling album of all time. It had seven singles in the Billboard Top Ten from June 1984 to February of 1986. Seven Top 10s out of the twelve total tracks on the album - and a string of hits that lasted for over twenty-one months. (For a musical 'frame of reference', an album we know intimately, Drake's Scorpion had eight singles that reached Billboard's Top 10 list, but hung around a total of only eight months. Obviously, time, trend, and music consumption moves at a much different pace these days so it's not a direct comparison but again just a frame for reference.) The title track as a single is certified Gold status, and the RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America) placed the song 59th out of 365 for their Songs of the Century list. (The list is based upon "promoting a better understanding of America's musical and cultural heritage." In the top twenty of this list are songs like "Over the Rainbow", "White Christmas", "Take Me out to the Ball Game", "Stars and Stripes Forever", and "God Bless America". Very different than a song like "Born in the U.S.A.") We today, still hear classic rock and classic hits stations playing "Born in the U.S.A" and "Dancing in the Dark" seemingly on a once-every-hour basis.

And now to the dark side. 

If you take the catchy & fun-loving choruses, the mostly-upbeat instrumentation, the seemingly pridefully patriotic title of the album and its' greatest hit, and ignore the rest - the sales, the awards, and the recognition that this is one of America's most glory-freedom-working man-red, white, and blue-centric albums of all time makes a lot of sense. However, if you discard the album cover, mute the comfortable sounds of the Cougar-Mellencamp style 80s Americana-Rock & Roll, and read the lyrics - then you might discover this album to be one of the greatest misunderstandings in pop music recordings.

From here, I'll just let selections from Springsteen's lyrics speak for themselves. I limit the following to selections, not to try to take away from a 'Heartland-Americana' message, but simply because some of the songs are actually just somewhat silly love songs, and their lyrics don't take either side of my 'argument'.

We'll start with the title track of the album and the first song on the album.

"Born in the U.S.A"

Born down in a dead man's town The first kick I took was when I hit the ground End up like a dog that's been beat too much 'Til you spend half your life just covering up

Born in the U.S.A I was born in the U.S.A I was born in the U.S.A Born in the U.S.A

Got in a little hometown jam So they put a rifle in my hand Sent me off to a foreign land To go and kill the yellow man

Born in the U.S.A I was born in the U.S.A I was born in the U.S.A I was born in the U.S.A

Come back home to the refinery Hiring man said "son if it was up to me" Went down to see my V.A. man He said "son, don't you understand"

I had a brother at Khe Sanh fighting off the Viet Cong They're still there, he's all gone He had a woman he loved in Saigon I got a picture of him in her arms now

Down in the shadow of the penitentiary Out by the gas fires of the refinery I'm ten years burning down the road Nowhere to run ain't got nowhere to go Born in the U.S.A I was born in the U.S.A Born in the U.S.A  

Okay, actually those are the EXACT lyrics for the ENTIRE song without any REDUCTIONS. Holy shit. That's heavier & more critical than even I knew. Enough said - on to track two.

"Cover Me"

The times are tough now, just getting tougher This whole world is rough, it's just getting rougher Cover me, come on baby, cover me Well I'm looking for a lover who will come on in and cover me

Now promise me baby you won't let them find us Hold me in your arms, let's let our love blind us Cover me, shut the door and cover me I'm looking for a lover who will come on in and cover me

Outside's the rain, the driving snow I can hear the wild wind blowing Turn out the light, bolt the door I ain't going out there no more

This whole world is out there just trying to score I've seen enough I don't wanna see any more, Cover me, come on in and cover me I'm looking for a lover who will come on in and cover me

Outside's the rain, the driving snow I can hear the wild wind blowing Turn out the light, bolt the door I ain't going out there no more

Here the lyrics aren't specifically anti-government, US-critical, etc., but they certainly aren't happy lyrics. These words are expressing heavy depression, intense anxiety, and forlorn frustration. The narrator is searching for a romantic partner to willfully blind himself and be ignorant and shielded from the world outside.

"Darlington County"

Driving into Darlington County Me and Wayne on the Fourth of July Driving into Darlington County Looking for some work on the county line

We drove down from New York City Where the girls are pretty but they just want to know your name Driving into Darlington City Got a union connection with an uncle of Wayne's

We drove eight hundred miles without seeing a cop We got rock and roll music blasting off the T-top, singing

Little girl sitting in the window Ain't seen my buddy in seven days, play it boys County man tells me the same thing He don't work and he don't get paid

Little girl you're so young and pretty Walk with me and you can have your way And we'll leave this Darlington City For a ride down that Dixie Highway

Driving out of Darlington County Eyes seen the glory of the coming of the Lord Driving out of Darlington County Seen Wayne handcuffed to the bumper of a state trooper's Ford

This song is probably the most jingle-jangle, pop-friendly tune on the record, but again, the lyrics tell a different story. And also nothing really political here, but it is a story of two somewhat morally decrepit, sleazy guys who, even though they are unemployed and looking for work, are pretending to have a lot of money in order to get with pretty girls. The narrator even describes her as a 'little girl' who is 'so young and pretty'. The listener can assume that the narrator leaves town with this girl and leaves his buddy stranded, only to see him getting arrested by a state trooper. There's nothing to be proud of in this story.

"Working on the Highway"

I work for the county out on ninety five All day I hold a red flag and watch the traffic pass me by In my head I keep a picture of a pretty little miss Someday, mister, I'm gonna lead a better life than this

Working on the highway, laying down the blacktop Working on the highway, all day long I don't stop Working on the highway, blasting through the bedrock Working on the highway, working on the highway

I met her at a dance down at the union hall She was standing with her brothers, back up against the wall Sometimes we'd go walking down the Union tracks One day I looked straight at her and she looked straight back

I saved up my money and I put it all away I went to see her daddy but we didn't have much to say "Son, can't you see that she's just a little girl She don't know nothing about this cruel, cruel world" We lit out down to Florida, we got along all right One day her brothers came and got her and they took me in a black-and-white The prosecutor kept the promise that he made on that day And the judge got mad and he put me straight away I wake up every morning to the work bell clang Me and the warden go swinging on the Charlotte County road gang I'm

Working on the highway, laying down the blacktop Working on the highway, all day long I don't stop Working on the highway, blasting through the bedrock Working on the highway, working on the highway

This is another song that seems to be just an upbeat, pure-pride working man's Americana ballad about hard work and the simple life and simple pleasures. Look closer and we see the story unfolds in another dark direction. The narrator is a highway construction worker who's got nothing better to do during his workday than to fantasize about a sexy girl. He eventually meets someone that he feels fits that description. They like each other. They quickly elope to Florida. Her brothers come and get her and take her back home. Turns out she was not even the age of legal consent, sending him to prison for statutory rape where he's forced into manual labor where, you guessed it, he's working on the highway. Not much joy here. No pride to be found. Nothing to be proud of.

"Downbound Train"

I had a job, I had a girl I had something going, mister, in this world I got laid off down at the lumber yard Our love went bad, times got hard Now I work down at the car wash Where all it ever does is rain Don't you feel like you're a rider on a downbound train She just said, "Joe, I gotta go We had it once, we ain't got it anymore" She packed her bags, left me behind She bought a ticket on the Central Line Nights as I sleep, I hear that whistle whining I feel her kiss in the misty rain And I feel like I'm a rider on a downbound train

Last night I heard your voice You were crying, crying, you were so alone You said your love had never died You were waiting for me at home Put on my jacket, I ran through the woods I ran till I thought my chest would explode There in the clearing, beyond the highway In the moonlight, our wedding house shone I rushed through the yard I burst through the front door, my head pounding hard Up the stairs I climbed The room was dark, our bed was empty Then I heard that long whistle whine And I dropped to my knees, hung my head and cried Now I swing a sledge hammer on a railroad gang Knocking down them cross ties, working in the rain Now, don't it feel like you're a rider on a downbound train  

Shit. Another song that ends with the narrator getting arrested for a seemingly-honest act of desperation. There's nothing from the lyrics that need elaboration. Guy gets laid-off from a low-skill, low-education job. Marriage suffers. Woman leaves. Man gets an even shittier job. Man dwells on his broken heart and becomes delusional. Man breaks into either his old home which he doesn't own anymore or to the home where his ex-wife lives. Either way he ends up doing forced labor in prison.

"I'm on Fire"

Hey little girl, is your daddy home? Did he go away and leave you all alone? Mhmm I got a bad desire Oh oh oh, I'm on fire Tell me now, baby, is he good to you? And can he do to you the things that I do? Oh no I can take you higher Oh oh oh, I'm on fire Sometimes it's like someone took a knife, baby Edgy and dull and cut a six inch valley Through the middle of my skull At night I wake up with the sheets soaking wet And a freight train running through the middle of my head Only you can cool my desire

Another song that has nothing to be happy about. I won't even touch the 'hey little girl, is your daddy home?' part, because that could either be the narrator's way of talking sexy to a woman who already has a man, or it could be taken literally: a pedophile trying to have sex with a non-adult girl. The last two verses of the song are again describing severe mental and emotional instability. The narrator feels like he's been cut through the middle of his mind with a long, but dull knife. He also frequently wakes up in sweat and feels like a freight train is running through his mind. This is definitely not a love song, and there is nothing to be happy or encouraged about here. I'll skip "No Surrender" because though that is another song of run-out-of-options desperation, it is the most hopeful and resilient story on the album, which doesn't say much.

"Bobby Jean"

Well, I came to your house the other day Your mother said you went away She said there was nothing that I could have done There was nothing nobody could say Me and you, we've known each other ever since we were sixteen I wished I could have known I wished I could have called you Just to say goodbye, Bobby Jean Now, you hung with me when all the others Turned away, turned up their nose We liked the same music, we liked the same bands We liked the same clothes We told each other that we were the wildest The wildest things we'd ever seen Now I wished you would have told me I wished I could have talked to you Just to say goodbye, Bobby Jean Now, we went walking in the rain, Talking about the pain that from the world we hid Now there ain't nobody, nowhere, nohow Gonna ever understand me the way you did Maybe you'll be out there on that road somewhere In some bus or train traveling along In some motel room there'll be a radio playing And you'll hear me sing this song Well, if you do, you'll know I'm thinking of you And all the miles in between And I'm just calling you one last time Not to change your mind, but just to say I miss you, baby Good luck, goodbye, Bobby Jean

This is another song of broken relationships, inevitable endings, and filled with regret. The narrator loses the only person he feels he could express himself to, the only person who truly understood him - and it seems obvious to the reader that this connection and love was unreciprocated because he didn't even know she was leaving, let alone gone. Another song of disappointment and sadness. The music is seemingly light-hearted with a doo-wop, Jersey boardwalk kinda sound.

"I'm Goin' Down"

We sit in the car outside your house I can feel the heat coming 'round I go to put my arm around you And you give me a look like I'm way out of bounds Well you let out one of your bored sighs Well lately when I look into your eyes Down, down, down, down I'm goin down, down, down, down I'm goin down, down, down, down I'm goin down, down, down, down We get dressed up and we go out, baby, for the night We come home early burning, burning, burning in some fire fight I'm sick and tired of you setting me up yeah Setting me up just to knock-a knock-a knock-a me down Down, down, down, down I'm goin down, down, down, down I'm goin down, down, down, down I'm goin down, down, down, down, hey now I pull you close now baby but when we kiss I can feel a doubt I remember back when we started My kisses used to turn you inside out I used to drive you to work in the morning Friday night I'd drive you all around You used to love to drive me wild yeah But lately girl you get your kicks from just driving me down

And yet another about the dying embers of a love soon to be lost. Simply put, it's a couple who's been together for quite some time, and it's growing boring, regular, even poisonous.

"Glory Days" Now I think I'm going down to the well tonight And I'm going to drink till I get my fill And I hope when I get old I don't sit around thinking about it But I probably will Yeah, just sitting back trying to recapture A little of the glory of, well time slips away And leaves you with nothing mister but Boring stories of glory days

I employ only the last verse here to encapsulate the overall meaning of the song. The story features an ex-great high school baseball player, a formerly popular talk-of-the-town beauty, and (assumedly) the narrator's father who's recently been laid-off and can't find work anywhere else. The common denominator the three characters share is their sadness, their brokenness, their strong nostalgia, and their fruitless desire to be young again.

"Dancing in the Dark" I get up in the evening And I ain't got nothing to say I come home in the morning I go to bed feeling the same way I ain't nothing but tired Man I'm just tired and bored with myself Hey there baby, I could use just a little help You can't start a fire You can't start a fire without a spark This gun's for hire Even if we're just dancing in the dark Message keeps getting clearer Radio's on and I'm moving 'round the place I check my look in the mirror I want to change my clothes, my hair, my face Man I ain't getting nowhere I'm just living in a dump like this There's something happening somewhere Baby I just know that there is You can't start a fire You can't start a fire without a spark This gun's for hire Even if we're just dancing in the dark You sit around getting older There's a joke here somewhere and it's on me I'll shake this world off my shoulders Come on baby this laugh's on me Stay on the streets of this town And they'll be carving you up alright They say you gotta stay hungry Hey baby I'm just about starving tonight I'm dying for some action I'm sick of sitting 'round here trying to write this book I need a love reaction Come on now baby gimme just one look 

This the second most successful and well-known song and also the second most often misunderstood song from the album. Most folks tend to just focus on that strong, driving backbeat and the cute little dancing chorus. Read these lyrics and we have the story of ANOTHER unskilled, undereducated, lonely and isolated man who is working third-shift, going through a monotonous depression, and desperately reaching out for any kind of emotional & physical connection. There is no resolution that gives us a happy ending. The 'baby' referred to throughout the song never speaks, is never addressed, doesn't have a name, and the reader has no way of knowing if this person even exists. It's just a bare and desperate man appealing to the world for anyone.

"My Hometown" I was eight years old and running with a dime in my hand Into the bus stop to pick up a paper for my old man I'd sit on his lap in that big old Buick and steer as we drove through town He'd tousle my hair and say son take a good look around This is your hometown This is your hometown This is your hometown This is your hometown In '65 tension was running high at my high school There was a lot of fights between the black and white There was nothing you could do Two cars at a light on a Saturday night in the back seat there was a gun Words were passed in a shotgun blast Troubled times had come To my hometown My hometown My hometown My hometown Now Main Street's whitewashed windows and vacant stores Seems like there ain't nobody wants to come down here no more They're closing down the textile mill across the railroad tracks Foreman says these jobs are going boys and they ain't coming back To your hometown Your hometown Your hometown Your hometown Last night me and Kate we laid in bed Talking about getting out Packing up our bags maybe heading south I'm thirty five we got a boy of our own now Last night I sat him up behind the wheel and said son take a good look around This is your hometown

Thought this one was going to be different? You thought Bruce wouldn't... couldn't let us watch the record stop spinning in its' final seconds and send us off into the night in darkness, desperation, gloom, regret, heartbreak, inevitable sadness, etc. etc.? You were hoping for a shot of love or light or hope or anything that will make us glad and happy about life and the world we live in? Well, you were wrong and embarrassingly naive for hoping. This song is a saddened look at the narrator's hometown. Violent and unstable relationships between black and white residents fueled by racial tension and inequality. Someone was murdered in the heat of this friction which caused an economic and cultural downward spiral to which the narrator's only answer is to move himself and his family away. The story ends in the same way it began, but not so proudly and optimistically - the narrator offers his son one last look behind the wheel at his old hometown. No pride. No resolution. No tribalism, no nationalism, no patriotism. No union pride nor worker's pride nor industry pride. Just a river slowly drying up. Just individuals and communities growing more desperate as their already-small window continues its' shrinking.

And that is a lyrical examination of literally EVERY song on the album whose title track the RIAA says proudly promotes a better understanding of America's musical and cultural heritage among songs like "Over the Rainbow", "White Christmas", "Take Me out to the Ball Game", "Stars and Stripes Forever", and "God Bless America". It looks like what we've got here is a failure to communicate.

[drabblesxforxdays]

On the importance of skins...

[PART ONE] Fanfic, Riverdale, Sweet Pea x Lia, OC

In the Whyte Wyrm, just a few blocks away from the trailer you shared with your dad, a string bean of a fourteen-year-old was standing in the middle of the bar. Surrounded by men in leather jackets, his voice trembled in anticipation as he shouted answers to questions he’d been reciting for weeks.

“What’s rule number 1?” F.P. Jones was the first to speak, standing about a foot from Sweet Pea as he shouted over the raucous chattering of the other Serpents.

“No Serpent stands alone!” Sweet Pea shouted back, his chest puffed outward with pride and the desire to impress the people he’d soon be calling his family. F.P. grinned wide as the other Serpents erupted into cheers, causing the boy to swell with confidence.

“Rule number 2!” An anonymous voice shouted from the crowd. Pea couldn’t see him, but he answered none-the-less.

“If a Serpent is killed or imprisoned, his family will be taken care of!” He shouted back, the cheers of the Serpents around him erupting into a roar.

“RULE THREE!” Toni Topaz, one of his best friends in the entire world, yelled from beside him, blood crusted on her lip from her own trip through the Gauntlet just hours earlier.

“A Serpent never sheds his skin!” Pea answered, a grin on his face as he pulled his friend into the crook of his elbow and gave her a brief hug.

“Rule number four!” Fangs chimed in now, his grin taking up his whole face as it always did -- best friends since diapers, Pea had started the process of joining the Serpents just a week after his friend had been initiated.

“No Serpent is left for dead!” Pea shouted, the roar of the crowd only seeming to get louder with every right answer that he gave.

“Number five!” Another voice called out, barely audible over the chatter of the Serpents in the room. Sweet Pea tried to find who’d asked him but couldn’t figure out exactly where the voice had come from.

“A Serpent never betrays his own!” He answered, the hype from everyone around him giving him a kind of buzz he’d never experienced before. He felt euphoric -- unstoppable -- and the words of the Serpent creed, his creed, felt more a part of him than ever before.

“What’s rule number 6?” Tall Boy shouted, just inches from his face, but Sweet Pea didn’t flinch or step away, instead locking eyes with the older Serpent with complete seriousness on his face.

“In unity, there is strength!” He shouted his final response, the room erupting in cheers louder than they’d let out before, hands coming from all directions to clap him on the shoulder and urge him on to the next task.

With the kind of bravado only he could muster, Sweet Pea sauntered up to a box that was opened before him, a snake laying in wait, coiled and already agitated.

He was barely able to contain himself while Tall Boy explained the task, his hand diving into the box to grab the knife as soon as he was given the okay to start. The viper struck, but despite the pain in his hand he grabbed the knife by the handle and pulled it from the box, holding it up above his head with a triumphant whoop.

The last part — the gauntlet — would be the most challenging, but even as the Serpents around him lined up to create a corridor to walk through, the smile on his face refused to fade. One might hesitate if they knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that they’d be beat to hell if they took that step forward, but Pea practically jumped at the opportunity.

One punch landed on his side, another to his jaw. He powered through every lick they gave, never giving pause or faltering in his steps. He could feel the bruises forming under tanned skin, but he was propelled by determination to make it to the very end, determination to become a Serpent.

————————————————

Meanwhile, your best friend since middle school smoothed a blank leather jacket over your shoulders, giving them a quick squeeze before she let you go. “Are you ready for your trials?” Em’s eyes darted up to meet yours and you let a breath out through your nose before nodding.

In the South Side, there were two choices — find safety in a gang, or be killed. You, like every kid you knew, chose the former. The halls of South Side High were littered with kids in leather jackets and most chose before they even made it to Freshman year.

“Lia, are you sure you want to do this?” She pressed, looking you square in the eyes. “Your father...”

You brushed the question off, giving a tilted smile and shrugging your shoulders. “What about him? He only cares what I do when he needs me to make a run for him.”

It wasn’t wrong — your father had long since retired from gang life and had settled down to sell fizzle rocks and jingle jangle to any kid with a pulse, you doubted if he’d even notice what skin you wore.

“Besides, once I’m in it’s out of Sunnyside and into the Ghoul’s Den, right?” Your father hadn’t been a Serpent, but he’d lived among them for long enough to become a staple in the roughshod community they’d built. “His gang died out eons ago, it’s not like I’m a Serpent legacy.”

She nodded, tight-lipped, and you immediately felt bad for mentioning the “L” word. Em may have been a Ghoulie legacy on her mom’s side, but her father — as absent as he’d been — was a Serpent. You knew that making the choice had been hard for her, though she often tried to hide it with humor or jabs at her dad.

“I’m sorry, Em,” you started, but before you could open your mouth she was waving it off.

“I made my choice,” she started, eyeing you carefully before she spoke again. “As long as this is what *you* want, then everything is fine.”

You nodded again, straightening your jacket and glancing over yourself once more. The trials were the same for all Ghoulies, there was no safer alternative if you happened to be female... it was one of the reasons you chose the darker side of the gang life, aside from simply not wanting to strip as a *teenager* in front of dirty old men.

Your first trial was tonight, and you got only one hint as to what it would be — a notecard that only said ‘Survive’.

———————————————

Back at the Whyte Wyrm, Sweet Pea was bloodied but smiling as he shrugged the leather jacket over his shoulders, Serpent emblem stark and bright against the black leather. He’d been loyal to the Serpents long before he’d made the decision to join, having grown up in a trailer just down the gravel path from Jughead and a row over from you.

You’d known him — or at least of him — your entire life, but over the years the two of you had barely spoken a word in passing, much less gotten any semblance of closeness. Even so, you knew where he was tonight. Where Fangs, and Toni, and at least half of your Middle School class were tonight.

The difference was, he didn’t have the roiling of doubt bubbling just under the surface. He knew his place, and he was accepting it with open arms. The Serpents had been his family for a long time, since his parents left him to fend for himself just a year ago, and now he was official.

—————————————————

You stepped out of your trailer and started your walk through the broken down homes, ducking in between the Jones house and the McCann house to come out closer to the entrance of Sunnyside. Sweet Pea and Fangs were outside of his trailer with grins plastered over beaten faces, but you ducked your blonde head and tried to slip past without being noticed, cursing Em in your head for leaving early to meet the other Ghouls.

“Lia!” Fangs shouted, waving his arms over his head to get her attention almost cartoonishly. “Come celebrate with us!”

Fangs had always been friendly, the big dope always plastered with a smile through everything. He’d always treated you nicely and hearing him call your name made you want to crawl into a hole and never come out. Guilt, you guessed, because you knew that soon he’d find out that you’d chosen the other side though you’d grown up in Serpent territory.

“C’mon man,” Sweet Pea chided, looking at you with that burning stare that seemed permanently etched onto his face. “Y’know Cross never comes to shit.”

“I have plans, but I’ll catch you next time,” you said quietly, stung by Pea’s comment. He wasn’t wrong, when you weren’t making runs for your dad you were holed up in the trailer, but you never felt like you *fit in* at Sunnyside. If you were being honest, you never felt like you fit in *anywhere*.

Clearing your throat and giving a small wave when Fangs dropped his arms to his sides, you made your way out of the trailer park and curled your hands into the pockets of your blank leather, work Doc Martens that you’d stolen from the local shoe store scuffing the pavement as you took the sidewalk away from town and the Whyte Wyrm.

—————————————————

At the Ghoul’s Den, your skin itched with anticipation and worry. After your short run-in with Fangs and Sweet Pea the idea of pledging your loyalty just made your gut roil more. But, you were here, and there wasn’t any backing down now.

Malachai clapped a hand down onto your shoulder and you almost jumped out of your skin, trying to contain the nervous energy that bubbled under the surface as he spoke. “Welcome to the Ghoul’s Den, fresh meat,” he cooed in your ear. “Are you ready for your first task?”

Though the answer to that question was a resounding no, you nodded firmly and turned your head to look him in the eye. “Yeah, I’m ready,” you said with a tone that was more confident than how you felt by miles. “Lay it on me.”

The words had barely left your lips when a burlap sap was thrown over your head, the fabric scratching at your cheeks as you were yanked away from the spot you’d been standing in. You didn’t know what was happening or where you were being led, but soon you were lifted and unceremoniously dumped into what felt like the trunk of a car. 

You weren’t riding long. It was only a few minutes before you heard the trunk open and felt hands grabbing you and pulling you out of the smell of motor oil and rubber. Your hands and feet were bound, causing you to panic internally as you wondered what you’d be doing next.

Water.

You could hear rushing water.

It was the middle of December and the air was stinging cold, but Sweetwater River hadn’t completely frozen over yet. You knew, then, that whatever you had to survive was going to be much more dire than you’d previously imagined. You were swept off of your feet and carried, the sound of the water getting closer and closer.

You wanted to scream but you kept quiet, taking deep breaths in case you were suddenly plunged into the icy river. You felt it in slow motion as you were released, your feet hitting the the water first and every part of you slowly sinking into the freezing, churning depths.

You immediately held your breath, cold and already numb fingers working anxiously at the knots that held them. Focus, Lia.You thought to yourself, letting loose the ropes as the water seeped into the burlap sack and you felt yourself completely submerging.

When you got the ties loose, you immediately removed the sack from your head and frantically worked at the ties on your ankles, finding some difficulty because your hands were so cold it hurt to so much touch the rope. You were going to drown if you didn’t keep calm, your lungs were already burning and if you panicked you would breath in water.

Finally, the knot came loose. What had felt like hours was only just over a minute as you kicked upward and broke the surface of the cold water, gasping for air as the current took you down the river.

Taking a moment to gather the will to move your frozen limbs, you kicked hard toward the surface until you reached shallows that you could stand in, slogging through the cold water until you reached the bank -- and Em holding out a large, fluffy blanket to wrap you up in.

“I was about to dive in after you, you fuckin’ scared me...” She mumbled quietly, bundling you into the blanket with a sigh. “What took you so fucking long?”

You gave her a pointed look, one that said are you fucking kidding and trudged up the bank to a beaming Malachai.

“You handled that better than I expected, Fresh Meat.”

[rvrdlhq]

eli rlly turned his own app into an ad for jingle jangle... talent ! charles melton as reggie mantle is now taken ! 

*　charles melton, cis male, he/him, canon　━━　riverdale’s very own REGINALD MANTLE is now twenty two years old. they have lived in town for twenty two years, and pop never forgot their regular ━ a frisco melt with an orange freeze. you’ll likely find the security officer for the sherriff station hanging around sweetwater plaza, probably trying to meet up with girls. their friends in sodale will tell you all about how they’re adventurous, exuberant and intuitive, but others might describe them as aggressive or troublesome. oh well, no matter how you feel about reggie, you can’t deny that they are still selling jingle jangle on the down low (for the low low too!).　━━　written by elijah, he/him, 20, cst !