#he really is just kind of an afterthought to everyone lol

[metalandmagi]

Eiji really just summarized all of Migi and Dali in one line.

[valkyrieandstrangeridingaragorn]

I am really getting annoyed with people said "loki is just narcissistic person, strange is just arrogant doctor, Wanda is just selfish crazy", okey they are lie that more than that but somehow everyone forgetting that they have trauma and pain(not justify bad actions but still) and they keep insist that they need getting more punishment.

Then we have stark, yeah we know him and if someone say he is just arrogant selfish billionaire other standard will say he ore than that and they said stark didn't deserve punishment what he did , really?

I am have to say I have one fanfic not Wanda friendly but I take theme in MOM because how I hate Wanda in MOM (thanks Waldron make me hate Wanda) from all her on screen MOM is in my hate list.

Also you can see how many Wanda, loki and strange got punishment in fanfic rather than stark, they justify his actions.

They never cared to humanize Stark's victims. We just had that woman in CW who was written horribly and to make matters worse, Stark was framed sympathetically in that scene. Go figure! And of course that scene is followed by him claiming the entire team has to be """held accountable""" (not just him, the team) and when some of them push back he's shown to be the rational one. What a joke.

With that kind of absolute narrative protection, is it any wonder so many people claim he feeling bad for 0.2 seconds is enough?

Whereas with Wanda we know the names of the people she hurt, we heard them speak and explain how much pain they were in. (I always laugh every time I see someone claim WandaVision was on Wanda's side.. lol no).

In Loki's case, his whole past and characterization were retconned and simplified by Waldron and Feige, and those around him were framed in a positive light while he was shown as an evil character who will always have to be paying for his mistakes. Odin, Thor, Sylvie, Mobius... none of them are held accountable so the difference in framing is even clearer.

And with Stephen, he's so unlucky that he got his own movie taken from him and once again his story was simplified for some reason I do not understand. His pain, sacrifices, his story are an afterthought in MoM and ironically enough, he was written miles better in NWH than in his own film. And of course, we got other characters telling him he's evil, he's selfish, he's a villain, bla bla.

In short: he's defined (negatively) by others. Just like Loki. Ever see them defining or defending themselves? Nah. If they defend themselves they're "arrogant" and "narcissistic" 🙄

So I'm not surprised those three are treated like crap by the fandom while Stark is praised to the heavens and back.

Stephen, Wanda and Loki are not perfect. But the thing is... they don't need to be. In fact, they shouldn't be. That's what makes them so interesting, it's what sets them apart from the clear-cut heroes. What we should be getting about them is the why they're not perfect + the circumstances behind their actions and beliefs, those are crucial when it comes to morally grey characters. Otherwise we just end up with "they did x so they're y" bullshit writing.

[maoam]

I noticed a lot of SNS who dislike ss and tolerate nh (sometimes even ship it too) mistake Naruto social and polite nature as romantic feelings for Hinata. They compare it to the way Sasuke acts with Sakura and tell themselves "Well Naruto acts nicer so he probably loves her".

Oh definitely. If you don't dislike Hinata NH is definitely easier to stomach than SS. SS is so much more aggressive in the negativity. NH isn't good for Naruto either, but it's not as in your face as SS.

When they met at the training ground, it was purely accidental. Naruto didn't go out of his way to look for her. After all that Hyuga drama, Naruto beating Neji up for her and saying he kinda likes people like her, he just kinda forgets about her lol. He doesn't even bother to look for her and chat about whatever went down. He beat up whoever was mean to someone he saw as needing for help, and that was enough for him.

When they meet again, he's like "oh hey it's Hinata" while she faints again when seeing him... this dynamic is very unbalanced. Her whole being revolves around Naruto, to the point she passes out at the mere sight of him, while to Naruto she's barely an afterthought.

Some NH called this an underrated NH moment and I let out a laugh. This? Most mundane average friendly interaction between two teammates. There's nothing here indicating any kind of attraction from Naruto. But NH are NH... Anyway these two moments, her fainting and her saying she won't let Naruto down are the only two moments in part 2 before her dramatic confession. Yet there are people genuinely believing Naruto had romantic feelings for her during Pain arc.

Again, to Naruto it's enough to know Hinata didn't die, he doesn't need to go look for her, he's very occupied with Sasuke. It also shows Kishimoto doesn't really care about their relationship.

And then this moment that I mentioned earlier. In all of these moment it's so very obvious Naruto has nothing against Hinata unlike Sasuke who is genuinely frustrated and annoyed by Sakura's tactless, dishonest and self centered behaviour. But it's also very obvious Naruto also isn't attracted to Hinata. Naruto wants to see the good in everyone, and Hinata isn't as aggressive about her selfish intentions. So their interactions are more normal than Sasuke and Sakura's.

(Ignore the disrespect towards Neji) It's in character for Naruto to be thankful to someone who tries to support him. NH pretend this is solely about Hinata when Naruto mentions other people as well, but regardless people have pointed out Naruto looks like he's being held at gunpoint. I think Kishi was struggling when drawing this moment. However, Naruto forgets about her again... she's just not interesting enough for him.

Pretty much this.

[hopecomesbacktolife]

thinking about how in the phantom of the opera (the musical, not the book; it’s been… 10+? maybe even 15+? years since I’ve read it so I don’t still remember all the finer points of character nuances in the book lol) during the all I ask of you reprise, the phantom sings

“I gave you my music / made your song take wing / and now, how you’ve repaid me, denied me and betrayed me / he was bound to love you / when he heard you sing”

and specifically those last two parts— “he was bound to love you when he heard you sing” is so interesting to me like. sure he gets incredibly obsessive and weird TM about both of them as a couple / as an entity later on in the show, but during this part, he’s kind of positing Raoul as an afterthought, almost. he was bound to love you; it was inevitable, almost, everyone loves Christine’s singing; it’s the fact that Christine loves (or even just likes, at this point) Raoul back, that she reciprocates that feeling, that enrages the phantom.

I find this so fascinating because the whole plot is such a fantastic gothic story and a cursory glance might make you think Christine is written as the maiden archetype, almost helpless in the love triangle mess aspect of the plot. But I think it’s fascinating that the phantom here acknowledges that not only did Christine choose Raoul, and what’s more, choose him over the phantom, that is the part he finds as a betrayal. It’s not Raoul’s love that’s his issue; it’s that Christine wanted it, and gave it in return.

idk, it just… acknowledges her agency and autonomy in one succinct line really well, and kind of adds so much more depth to the whole second act’s drama than if she was just.. passively along for the ride? She chose Raoul, and she chose not to choose Erik.

obviously I’m not arguing that the phantom is like this great feminist revolutionary narrative or anything lol— that is kind of irrelevant, tbh, looking at the story within the context of it being a gothic novel (and for the show, a gothic novel source turned musical) and doesn’t fit well into the puzzle prices of that genre to utilize our modern ethics as an analytical tool. I’m just thinking of how fascinating it is that the controlling, obsessive, possessive, friendless, and egotistical self-loathing character of the phantom/Erik still acknowledges that it’s Christine’s choices which create the changes upon which the plot hinges. idk it’s just Cool TM :)

I also am writing this in between work stuff on a crazy busy work day so any misspeaks/misrememberings or errors are due to that lol

also aw man now I wanna go reread phantom again too :((

[woso-dreamzzz]

Injured has me in a chokehold. Has us ALL in a chokehold. ty <3 Want to apologize for how long this got… sorry

Trying to sympathize with Olga and Alexia but it's a little hard to because it seems like they've never spoken about Bambi’s presence and what that meant when Olga first got into a relationship with Alexia.

In each instance Alexia seems to see Bambi as an afterthought—and she’s normalized it to the point where she can’t help but just blurt stuff out and push Bambi to the side. It’s selfish and very traumatizing to Bambi :( why didn't they have a conversation about whether or not Olga was ready to form a relationship with not only Alexia, but Bambi too?

Had they not considered trying to co-parent Bambi first before deciding to have Jaume? It goes both ways for Alexia and Olga and the miscommunication is not just concerning for Bambi, but Jaume too. The whole bit about “I love Jaume bc he’s mine but mostly bc he’s your’s too” is so disconcerting because ??? all along Bambi’s been here and she’s Alexia’s. Was Bambi always going to be that bastard child Olga couldn’t fully love just because she wasn’t something Olga (nor Alexia, kinda) really wanted?

This is a little irrational but what if Olga decides that Jaume is actually her’s the way she’s internalized that Bambi’s Alexia’s? I feel like it’s so wrong to assume possession of a child when you get into a relationship with someone who has children already. It’s not to say Olga needs to want Bambi as much as Jenni does immediately… but I feel like it would’ve been much less painful to have considered forming a relationship with Alexia AND Bambi. What are your thoughts?

ig I just really like how complex and thought-evoking everything is! Olga didn’t try with Bambi because she didn’t want to be rejected by Alexia. Alexia didn’t try to get Olga and Bambi to interact more because she thought Olga didn’t want to. The true villain here is miscommunication and clearly the two need to be more frank about where they’re heading because this seems like slippery slope into a bad marriage and …really bad parenting. Alexia’s already overcompensating with Jaume and I doubt that’s any good too.

It’s kind of easy to align with Alba and Jenni considering the Putellas-Rios household so far has done nothing but harm poor Bambi. I do appreciate seeing their views and the grovelling Alexia doing… but team Jenni! She’s at an advantage where she can prioritize Bambi and always consider what’s best for the child. Not only that, but she truly wants Bambi and is being so mature and respectful towards Alexia about it (sorry lol… I currently cannot fathom how Alexia could possibly get us to the reconciliation outcome. Enjoying the attempts though.) Kids should never have to go through parents who don’t completely, wholeheartedly want them. It creates resentment in both the kid… and a little bit in the parent. Bambi is definitely the definition of forced to grow up and she shouldn’t have to.

Honestly all I wanted to ask was where you currently align in terms of reconciliation or not. It’d be cool to see a little bit more of your thought process with regard to Bambi and what you think is best for her. Sorry about the long msg!

ps. lowkey was like “you got eggsma?” at Bambi the entire time

Don't apologise. I love these kinds of long messages.

It is such a complex situation because Alexia and Olga both have different ideas and thought processes and they never even realised until this was all going on.

Bambi was always a little bit self-sufficient, it was just how she was but this whole situation is maturing her much too quickly.

Of course, I'm way more informed than you guys about where this is all going/how reconciliation could be achieved. Right now, it looks pretty grim but Alexia did put in some effort (even if she did muck up the ending). Everyone can see that she's trying whether or not it's successful.

The next part is definitely going to be a bit rough for Bambi and Jenni though but somehow a bit healing in some parts. It's very easy to put Alexia and Olga as villains in Bambi's story but Jenni isn't perfect either and the next part is definitely going to be a bit of a warning about how small things can freak out a traumatised child even if you have the best intentions

[destinyc1020]

Okayyyy....So, I FINALLY got around to watching this "Don't Worry Darling" movie a few nights ago lol. Everyone kept saying how HORRIBLE the film was, and how bad Harry's acting was in it lol, so I'm sorry, but my curiosity just got the better of me and I HAD to watch it and see for myself. 😅

My Thoughts:

The Good:

I LOVE films that have a little bit of mystery like this...I love trying to figure out and guess what's really going on in a film, so this one was right up my alley.

Right off the bat, I kind of already suspected that what I was seeing was not what was real. I even questioned if they were really in that time period right off the bat. Like, something just seemed waaay too "perfect" about that little town. Immediately, I found myself thinking:

"This film reminds me of 'The Stepford Wives' and the 'Surrogates' movies". If any of you have seen either of those films, then you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.

Can I just say? I love Florence as an actress. Everything I've seen her in so far has been great acting by her. She does an American accent fairly convincingly well too... I didn't pick up on any "slip-ups" like I usually do when most foreigners fake American accents for films lol. 😅 I can't wait to see her in "Dune: Part 2"!

Also...LOVED seeing Chris Pine as a villain in this! And can I just say?? He was ZADDY! LOL 🤣 Something about him in this film was doing things to me lol.

Oh...and I LOVE LOVE LOVED the costumes, and that house! I love styles and fashion from the 1950s and 1960s. Everyone just always looked so classy and put together. People really took pride in how they looked back then lol. I loved vintage styles honestly. 😊

That home was to die for too...loved the architecture.

The Bad:

Honestly, the main gripe I had with this film was that there were just SO many plot holes! 🥴 It was annoying! Like, the movie teases you and teases you, and you're hanging on along for the ride, and then.... It just.... LEAVES you HANGING with sooo many UNanswered questions at the end! 😤

What was up with the airplane crashing in the distance that Florence's character saw?? 🥴

What was up with the mini little earthquakes that everyone was just used to? Was it trains? Was it leakage from the "real life"?

Why did Olivia's character know what was up from the get-go? Who told her? How did she find out? Did she ALWAYS know?

Why does banging your head against the glass cause you to get out of the VR realm?

How did Harry's character get his wife to be able to undergo the VR life? Was he drugging her? Were ALL of these husbands drugging their wives? Were some of these dudes just choosing random women to be their VR wives?? Like, what on earth?

When did Chris Pine's wife know that he was a fraud?? Like, was she always suspecting? OR did that ONE phone convo that she over heard do something to her?

Who were the men in red jackets? Were they all under VR simulation as well?

Why does killing you in the VIRTUAL WORLD kill you in the REAL WORLD, when everything that's going on is just FAKE anyway?? 🥴 That was the BIGGEST mystery to me lol. Didn't make sense AT all.

You almost felt like you watched the entire movie for no good reason when none of these questions were answered lol. I can see why so many people didn't like this movie.

OVERALL:

Overall, I didn't HATE the movie. The movie actually started off very promising in fact! I actually didn't even mind Harry's acting? I mean, he's not really an "actor", so for a singer trying to act, I actually didn't think he did THAT bad y'all lol. 😄 And as Olivia's film debut (is this her first directorial film?) it actually wasn't THAT bad.

I just hated all of the plot holes!

I also felt like actress Kiki Layne was SEVERELY UNDERused in this movie. I would have liked to have seen how she was before she became suspicious. I was actually interested in her storyline as well, but they kind of treated her character as an afterthought.

Anyway...I think people overexaggerated though how much they hated this movie. It wasn't that bad honestly. It was just something fun to watch on a Friday night while eating my dinner lol.

But boy did this movie have plot holes galore! 🤣 It didn't have to end so abruptly either.

Too bad this movie had so much drama going on with the cast lol 😆 It didn't get such a great press tour due to all the drama going on lol. 👀

[fashionablylala]

Fashion Week isn't for the Weak!

What's twice a year and has a bob? That's right, it's fashion week y'all! It's the most hectic time of year for anyone in the fashion industry. From designers, influencers, celebrities, and even people like myself, journalists! This season highlights the fall/winter collections from some of the biggest names in the world, and introduces a few newcomers. Take a stroll down the runway with me as I break down the most memorable moments surrounding Black talent!

First off we have New York, home of Timberland boots and of course my favourite music genre, hip hop. Usually I really love NYFW because some of my favourite designer showcase there, but honestly this season bored me.

Thom Browne had celebrities like Janet Jackson, Queen Latifah, Alton Mason etc dressed head to toe in their brand for the FW24 show.

Along with some gorgeous campaign images all shot by Black photography duo AB+DM (Ahmad Barber and Donté Maurice). I love it when Black creatives are given the opportunity to thrive in their skills on a big platform; their photography is immaculate. Each celebrity was well put together, the styling was perfection.

I very recently learned that Luar was founded by Raul Lopez, a Brooklyn based designer originally from the Dominican Republic. The collection wasn't really my vibe so I'll just be quiet on that subject lol. No shade. In other news, we saw Beyoncé attending his show in support of her nephew Juelz, who debuted on the runway modelling for the brand. Miss Renaissance wore a full silver outfit (of course lol) by Gaurav Gupta. I hated the way it was styled personally, especially with the Luar bag. The handbag felt forced and probably was to some degree, as she was sitting front row as an invited guest that meant she had to wear something from the brand. Her team could have done a better job pairing the accessory with another outfit or choosing a different bag altogether. Also I'm very much over the cowboy hat, but I know she's currently promoting her new country music so I wasn't surprised. I wouldn't call Beyoncé a fashion girlie, but considering she's the biggest star in the world I hope that her glam squad would do a better job. Fix it Jesus.

Beyoncé wearing Gaurav Gupta Couture and Luar bag

LaQuan Smith is probably my most anticipated designer from NYFW, but this season I didn't even see his collection on my feed. I had to search for it, which is unusual for me as it's usually posted all over my timeline with everyone gagging and hyperventilating. I then realised why it was barely posted when I finally saw his collection, because it left me feeling uninspired. It wasn't innovative or exciting, just kind of regular and something that's been done before. This is a fabulous gay Black man who usually CLEARS every time, but this season left me confused. Where was the innovation? Where was the hoochie mama flavour? What was the extra razzle dazzle? It was barely there. It felt like an lazy afterthought and I'm even sad to say that about one of my favourite Black designers. If I compare FW24 to his previous collections you will see exactly what I mean. For example the FW22 collection was opulent, sexy, and vibrant. LaQuan is a true innovator who doesn't follow trends, because he sets them hunny! So I'm not sure what happened this season, but I blame Elon Musk. Somehow it's always his fault, don't question me lmao. I just know that my fav can produce better designs, but I won't let this low key mid collection put me off. I guess we all have bad days right? It wasn't ugly by any means, it just kept the hoochie mama flavour and unusual designs to a minimum. And my beloved friend and fashion partner in crime, keeps telling me that it's now a dying theme to make room for quiet luxury, which had me heartbroken. On a nicer note, the music on the runway however was GREAT! I loved that he used “The Player's Club” snippet as the intro, it's such a classic movie and a staple in Black culture. I would listen to that entire mix daily! It was a beautiful blend of Curtis Mayfield, Baby Tate, Nicki Minaj, Sadé, Missy Elliott and more. Plus with a piano performance by Babyface, who sang Two Occasions by The Deele. That was a very nice touch! I'm gonna need LaQuan to put it on Spotify asap so I can pop my puss 😜

LaQuan Smith FW24

LaQuan Smith FW23

While I was sad that I couldn't get an invite to see my favourite London based designers showcase their talent, I was quickly relieved when I saw what went down the runway. I would have sold my left arm to be at some LFW shows this season, but my disappointment followed from NYFW as I felt unimpressed by the usual showstoppers. Despite that, I quickly felt better once I spotted UK grime legend Skepta at the Burberry show wearing a BLOODY GORGEOUS fur teal coat by the brand. Every time I see that man at fashion week or on a red carpet he looks extremely good. I don't think he gets enough credit for his drip and we need to change that.

Anna Wintour and Skepta at the Burberry show

As I previously mentioned we also occasionally see newcomers during fashion week, and that brings me to introduce Tolu Coker. She's a British Nigerian designer who graduated from Central Saint Martins in 2017, and hasn't taken her foot off the accelerator since! Tolu first showcased her FW19 collection at London fashion week, and she's worked with the likes of Stefflon Don, Burna Boy, Adwoa Aboah and more amazing names.

Her collections are always nothing short of fabulous and full of life. Tolu even had a collab with UGG for the footwear of her FW24 collection, which was definitely a BIG FLEX lol. Making it to Vogue Runway is already a great achievement, but to have a popular loved brand like UGG supporting your collection is very cool. UGG has also been known to collab with Telfar, another incredible Black owned brand. And I'm starting to see a pattern here and I love that for us 🥰

MFW

As we move into Milan, the first collection that comes to mind is Diesel. They had all the Black folks walking hunny! It was like a family reunion lol. We saw names like Alton Mason to Leomie Anderson and so many more! And of course everyone was killing it because that's what we do! 💅🏾 The clothes were fun but still practical, which is expected from Diesel. Leomie had on a gorgeous pink and orange number that was oozing with IT GWORL ENERGY. It was overall a great show. I'm a sucker for a fur coat especially if it's an usual colour, and Diesel was nothing short of that. Besides the weird music announcement thingy lol I have no notes.

Gucci finally produced something I liked after years of mediocre BS designs, but I'm still not buying clothing from a racist brand. I think a lot of people have forgotten why the household name was being boycotted some years ago, so here's a quick reminder…

Y'all can still give them your coins if you want to but I'm not a damn EEDIAT fool. You only need to insult me once. Thank you. Next.

It's now time for Paris! Some of you might know the city for their wonderful pastries, but I know it for some of the most popular fashion houses in the world! Supermodel Anok Yai, didn't walk for Mugler despite her recently being chosen as the face for the brand, and I definitely missed her presence! 😭 However our favourite curvy models Precious Lee and Paloma Elsesser did. I wasn't too excited by the outfits they were wearing, it felt like they gave them the safe options. I see this happening far too often with plus size models and it's frankly getting extremely tiring. It's rare to have bigger bodies on the runway at all, but if we do they're completely covered up. Plus size models are barely visible, we only get 1 or maybe 2 if we're lucky on the runway at a time, because yay tokenism! 🥲

Model and gamer, Paris HK said it perfectly. Bigger bodies deserve so much better. I say this at least 10 times a year smh.

Moving onto better news, my other fav Balmain, was brilliant… but I'm never surprised by that. Olivier Rousteing has been the creative director since 2011, and he's a Black French designer who always knows how to bring life back into the runway. His recent custom looks haven't been giving the same energy and I'm not sure why, but his collections are never a disappointment! He puts his foot in that sh** EVERY TIME! His FW24 show was gorgeous, however he could have came a little harder! His core ideas were based on heritage and his hometown, Bordeaux. His take was elegant and giving grown woman, which makes sense because some designs were inspired by his mother's wardrobe too. We saw lots of different ways he incorporated fruits and shells into perfect pieces of walking art. A few designs felt a tad bit unfinished, and I wasn't a fan of him pairing slouchy Chino style trousers with the corsets. However for the most part Olivier absolutely delivered. I liked his bags too which usually go under the radar. There was so much to enjoy with this collection. Olivier is a brilliant designer, and I always look forward to what he brings to fashion week because he rarely ever disappoints!

Watch the FW24 show here via YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/live/chUl7Gdr41E?si=qpHNziXA66_cOHhr

Off-White also has a Black creative director by the name of Ibrahim Kamara, who is also the Editor-in-Chief of Dazed. I completely loved his collection! Butterflies, pastels, fur, dice, lime green… and everything that makes me happy 😊 it had a New York edge to it and felt like an obvious nod to hip-hop and overall Black culture. It was a nice combination of basketball bags and the matching sneakers, and not to mention the hoochie mama designs, which y'all know that I love! His collection was giving “girly but keep it gangster” and that's definitely a bit of me. At first Ibrahim seemed like he lacked the confidence to really go for it when he debuted his very first collection for Off-White SS23. For those that don't know, he took over as CD when the incredibly talented, Virgil Abloh suddenly passed away in November 2021. Tbh I wasn't moved by Ib’s first collection but since then he's found his footing bit by bit. This season I definitely enjoyed the menswear a lot more than the womenswear unfortunately, which is crazy because the potential was totally there but it seemed like Kamara wanted to keep the girls more edgy. Models like Chanel Iman and Jourdan Dunn were spotted walking in the show, of course they came to f**k sh** up as per usual!

Off-White FW24

My girlfriend in my head aka Precious Lee, walked for the show wearing a trench coat that completely covered her up 🙃 yet again, why do designers always hire plus size models and cover them in excessive amounts of fabric? It's childish, like grow up! I wanna see her titties bouncing like a basketball on a court. Stop playing with me. It's always the same stupidness and as a plus size baddie myself, it truly jars me. The same thing happened last fw season and it needs to stop.

I want to see girls like Precious Lee wearing sexy bodycon dresses or figure hugging clothes that show off her shape, because that's more realistic. That's how I look when I'm wearing my favourite clothes and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. All bodies deserve to be seen regardless of their proportions. Have you seen her body?!?! Why hire someone as delicious as Precious if they're just gonna drape loads of pointless material to hide her magnificent curves??? Don't piss me off.

Precious Lee for Off-White FW24

Precious Lee for Off-White FW23

On a happier note, Halle Bailey and Willow Smith were spotted in front row. It was a nice moment that everyone seemed excited for, including me! I hope we can see a duo from them one day, because not only do they compliment eachother visually but musically that would be an iconic link up.

So fashion week this season was a bit chaotic as always, but in some ways quite impressive. I must always ask though, when will the day come when we see a Black woman occupying the role of creative director of a huge fashion house??? We've seen Pharrell takeover at Louis Vuitton for menswear and several other Black men are in that chair for Balmain, Off-White etc …so when will Black women get the opportunity? Moschino is one of my favourite brands of all time, but their recent decision to hire another white man has left a bad taste in my mouth. They've never had a Black CD and haven't had a female one in over 20 years! I think it's time for a change. Where's Gabriella KJ at? 👀 Or even the CEO of Black owned luxury fashion brand, Hanifa? It's 2024 and Black women are the ones who are buying fashion items THE MOST, but are leading in the big fashion roles THE LEAST. It burns me to my core y'all. It's hard to love fashion whilst witnessing this sh** to be completely honest with you. The only thing that keeps me smiling is seeing people like Tolu Coker being praised, and seeing more Black models on the runway. A win is still a win! So I will take those wins and skip all the way to the very last topic…

Here is my best and the worst of FW24!

BEST:

Susan Liang

Chen Peng

Balmain

Schiaparelli

Richard Quinn

Wiederhoeft

Harris Reed

Diesel

Tolu Coker

Stella McCartney

WORST:

Alexander McQueen

Moschino

Vivienne Westwood

Balenciaga

Louis Vuitton

Miu Miu

Loewe

Blumarine

Well I hope I was able to teach you something about fashion week that you never knew, or maybe you just enjoyed having a little kiki with me 😊 Whichever it was, I wish you all a beautiful start to Spring! And I hope you have your pastel outfits ready, because being afraid of colour is silly. Life is too short to only wear Black, and if it feels like I'm talking to you then I probably am... Fight me 🥰🥰🥰 Plus everybody knows that baby pink looks pretty on darker skin 😉

xoxo LaLa

[chromotps]

The thing about Ace/Sabo is that the ship is less about them being brothers but more like them sharing a childhood friendship? That had the potential of becoming something more in the future. Except it didn’t, for obvious reasons. And yeah not everyone’s a fan of that, but people also like the raised by wolves/son of a noble dynamic they had as children. While I agree Sabo does kind of feel like he was stuck to Ace&Luffy as an afterthought, with a piece of chewed-out gum — his existence doesn’t… I don’t know, feel out of place? I also enjoy how kinda tragic his character is, and how he carries that tragedy with him? In the form of Ace’s devil fruit (Sabo also canonically hallucinates and there was an instance where he admitted to hearing Ace’s voice, during his fight with Burgess? so yeah, not everyone’s cup of tea again but I’m a huge fan of hurt/comfort so having a character go through a psychotic depressive episode because of the insane guilt he feels? Just, yeah. Plus there’s something really poetic about him literally eating Ace’s DF and still considering it „Ace’s powers” etc) and the way I see Sabo/Lu is through Ace/Lu (and partially Ace/Sabo) anyway. Because Sabo is trying to fill out the role of an older brother/friend for Luffy that he’s well aware is impossible to fill — because nothing ever will be the same for Luffy. Nothing or no one could even come close to making it up for Ace’s loss to Luffy, and Sabo knows he’s kind of a cheap copy of that (figuratively and literally lmfao, as I know people have been calling him low-budget Ace), but still he tries to? And the fact that Luffy is technically his only remaining family (or at least someone he willingly considers family). And I kind of see it as a parallel to how Ace’s approach to Luffy changed after Sabo’s „death”? Because Sabo was the „kinder” brother, the nicer one, the smarter one, it was usually him who took Luffy’s side whenever Ace was annoyed with him? And the one who explicitly asked Ace to look after Luffy — which then was one of the direct reasons why Ace changed the way he treated Luffy, forced him to be more patient/learn to love and eventually led to Ace willingly becoming the „older brother” figure for Luffy. I’m in no way trying to convince you to like Sabo, don’t get me wrong!! I’m just trying to show an example how Ace/Sabo isn’t necessarily brotherly either (like, I don’t know, Sabo/Luffy seems to be?). And it’s just that while I’m first and foremost a huge Ace/Lu enjoyer I also think Sabo did have a significant impact on their relationship both before and after Ace’s death.

((!! sorry i took a while to reply! i made that post before work on Friday and then got slammed until just now fdghjgk)

the odd thing is, I mostly agree!! I think I had to vent bc i saw ppl (a few specific sabo fans haha) on twitter acting like luffy would feel nothing toward ace but be obsessed with sabo. and, lol, no. but what YOU said makes total sense. like, yes, Ace + Sabo definitely has a different, more involved feeling to me than Ace & Luffy. I've had some ships in the past that fit the raised by wolves/runaway noble trope... the charm of the noble feeling like "this is the only person I feel like I can really be myself around" and the wild one thinking "i like spending time with this noble—they're tougher/kinder/funnier than i gave them credit for" AND/OR "society has always rejected me, but this 'cultured' person accepting me heals that pain a little bit"—all of those things are really charming.

Maybe if we'd seen more about how ace and sabo became friends, or if there were more emphasis on sabo's acceptance being what helped ace's anger (instead of, just from how i saw things, it being mostly luffy's unconditional warmth toward ace that did it?) then I'd personally be more feral about that dynamic, haha. But it's like you said, I guess it all depends on what we each connect with. I dont find tragedy alone compelling... I'm depressed enough already as it is LMAO!! if I think too hard about how viscerally sad Sabo only remembering Ace after he'd died is, my brain just shuts down. But I've got really good friends who would EAT THAT UP. Like, yeah, it is beautifully poetic... hahaha now i'm laughing thinking about my friends who were really into Hamlet and Romeo & Juliet finding out about Sabo & Ace and being obsessed, ahaha (they're not so into One Piece tho, only jjk... at least, for now!! 😈)

it's hard to put into words, but there's something about Sabo being a revolutionary vs. ace and luffy being pirates, that kind of explains why my brain sees A+L as very very very different than A&S or L&S. But like, that's just my brain and how my heart likes to focus on characters with really codependent relationships/dreams/themes, hahaha...

[itsaliveblog]

Masters of the Air

Okay watching it again to process and I have solidified some feelings. this show is a disaster lol

I should be happier! They made a show about MY PLANE. The B-17 is The Plane of All Time period! But this is somehow worse than not making the show at all because now they're not gonna make another one!! I've been robbed of an HBO miniseries with actual story and characters!!

The number one problem is that they didn't know what the story was. They started with Crosby's memoir and then randomly tacked things on to cover for stuff outside the scope of his experience, but they did it so clumsily that they shouldn't have bothered. Either make it the Crosby story, or use it to make an entirely new story, not this awful homunculus.

I understand that telling the story of the B-17 is tough. It's not a single unit traveling through europe linearly (BoB) or a treatise on the chaos of the war in Iraq (GK), or even the psychological trauma of the war in the pacific (the...pacific).

It's inherently nonlinear. The characters change because the planes, units, and stories change too often. It was a meat grinder and making it through the whole thing isn't the real story. So you gotta pick some other structure. What's the throughline? The goddamn planes. (I say this with full awareness of flying fortress simp number 1 but I mean come on what else is there.)

So what's the story of the plane?

The massive war effort to make them

The training of children to fly them

The insanity of flying missions over and over

Their incredible ability to limp home.

That framework gives us excellent inroads for the characters you'd want, too. Crosby is cute, but obviously you wanted some underwear model pilots, fine. Stop pretending like Crosby is narrating. You didn't make it his story. You want to include women and the Tuskegee airmen? Good! We can do that, and we can do it without turning them into tokenized afterthoughts!! I promise!!

Now you're reading this and going, well, technically didn't they sorta do most of that? And to that I say, I'm sorry, do not kid yourself. I like playing with dolls as much as the next fangirl, and MotA gave us some very nice dolls, but the story was nonexistant. I didn't know Crosby was the narrator until halfway through the second episode because he was introduced as some rando in the corner right before fifteen other dudes!!!

So here's what we do:

Episode 1: Okay yeah, we'll make it showy. Coming into Greenland was beautiful, but I vote we just jump into a campaign. Start knowing just one crew, then do some radio chatter—everyone's gotta have some kind of distinct feature to tell them apart because they're all white guys in masks and hats okay!? Then one crew is endangered and we learn more about them as they try to limp home. A solid run with a good hit, then just enough of a fuckup to land with "holy shit war is hell." Emphasis on flying fortress. Lots of injured dudes, but the plane makes it back.

Episode 2: We go back to the beginning. Pilot training. The basics of what makes the fortress great: intersecting fields of fire. They rely on the understanding of this principle without ever really explaining it. There are six guns on these things: two waist gunners, tail gunner, top gunner, nose gunner, and ball turret. And they can cover a whole squadron if and only if they form up correctly. So you need to understand that the formation isn't just to look parade pretty, it's vital. You need to know that leaving a fort behind not only fucks that fort, it also fucks the rest of you. And having whole elements not show up is a megaton caliber fuckup.

Which flows naturally into: These things have ten guys in the plane—the aforementioned 6 gunner positions, two pilots, bombadier, and. That's a LOT of dudes. Every time a plane goes down you gotta know that viscerally.

So you pick up where ep. 1 ends, with the Buckies crews coming in already haggard vets, and Rosie's crew meeting up with them (introing Rosie in ep 4 is criminal). Establish a limited set of characters early, reinforce them, stick with them.

Episode 3: We're gonna tie in the letters theme more tightly overall, and here's a good way to pad Croz's memoir: This episode starts with an explanation of the signatures inside the planes put there by the ATA/WAC gals who ferried them across the atlantic. We're gonna have an airman's sister back home who builds planes. We're gonna have WASP and donut dollies and nurses hanging out talking to each other and they're not going to be tokenized! Literally Helen was just there for a blip to be a sad lady! Boo! Obviously at least one implied lesbian. One of my fav scenes is all the gals in the fields near the air base. Like, yeah! Women were there doing shit! Can we talk about this??

Episode 4: Some of the middle stuff can stay, big missions, bad missions, but we intro the fighters here. Ideally P-44 or something, and then whip out the P-51 like damn dude, hell yeah. Also obviously Tuskegee guys go here. But you gotta let them be in the context of the other fighters imo. When they show up they don't get the respect they deserve because A) they're not connected to the crews we met so we care less, and B) we have never seen fighters before them, and only see it a bit even then, and not protecting bombers. so. Anyway, cut the episodes down to 8 (or fewer!) and use the budget here.

Episodes 5-7: Fill in the middle stuff here, but now we have more connection to Rosie, and the tuskegee guys. There's more trauma built up to the flak house scenes. By the way, flak house episode is a great time to showcase the ground crew more thoroughly. Then, I'm sorry we gotta keep the stalag tight. Cutting back and forth is too much. You get two episodes in the stalag, first episode is only the back half or third of another story, then a full episode. Imo cut in D-Day here so it's less of a bummer. And obvs you gotta put in more dday lol. Frame it in letters again, I get that it's expensive, but as with the fighters, trim the fat and spend some money here. It's Dday for godsake.

Episode 8: It ain't over yet. The human cost goes here. The blitz, the concentration camps, the food drops. War is hell, even when it's over. Imo 9 is an awkward episode because it spends so long on the action and so long on the epilogue that the epilogue feels eternal. Like if the episode was the epilogue, that'd work, at least for me. Anyway, hammer home the idea that they're dropping life instead of bombs. Maybe more air travel for the wounded now that they are the masters of the air, like, the reward for all the suffering. Plus you gotta show a fucking wedding, come on lol.

Obviously it's more than the above, and should be interwoven, but if we at least have a singular focus for each episode (I mean obviously the tightest BoB episode is Roe in Bastogne), then characters will feel less like afterthoughts.

[bahamutgames]

AFTERTHOUGHTS - ROUNDUP ROUND 3

April + May 2023

NON Nintendo Switch Online Edition!!

Alright kind of a slow day today but I have a BUNCH I still would like to get done. So I'm taking a small break by writing some thoughts on some games I beat recently. I haven't been doing a TON of gaming this month cause I've been busy doing work or getting screwed over and in my down time I've been going out a lot, hanging out with friends, and not playing too much. I am currently chipping through my next RPG and I'm ALMOST done with it. As well as random small itch games I've been playing and tweeting about on my twitter. But hopefully when I break through this current RPG and finish up some work I can play more stuff more regularly soon.

Pizza Tower (January 26, 2023) - PC

So, something you may not know about me is that I am actually a HUGE Wario Land fan. Like, a MASSIVE Wario Land fan. I've played them all, and I also played and adored Wario World and Master of Disguise even though they're not exactly the same. But yeah I fucking love Wario. And lately I've been really really excited with the wave of Wario Land-likes we're receiving! This and Anton Blast (which looks SO amazing I seriously cannot wait.)

I wasn't able to pick this game up right away but thankfully I had a friend buy it for me which means the absolute WORLD to me for real. And I gotta say, I had a great time with it! It feels awesome to play, gameplay feels wonderful and additions to the formula like combos and parrying is SUPER cool! And of course traditional Wario Land fare like form changes and the general moveset feels great and while I generally am not crazy about beating levels as quick as possible I feel like the moveset is really good for speedrunning in a way that makes it feel nice to speedrun even for someone like me who isn't into it much.

Of course the sprites are so cute, I love the art style. The characters are cute, I appreciate there being multiple playable characters too that was also a great addition. Enemies are cute, the levels look great and colorful. Bosses are all very cool looking and REALLY fun to fight for the most part. The soundtrack is great, I loved the story. I loved the format and the context behind finding stuff like toppins and paying for boss doors. It's all very cool and feels like a wonderful return for Wario Land.

It's small but I also appreciate Peppino himself for being an old middle aged man with body hair as the cool protagonist who gets shit done and like has a huge hero moment at the end where he saves everyone. I ADORE Warioware but a big issue I had with it is that it kinda removes Wario's coolness factor and his strikingly heroic moments from Land and just makes him... yknow... a greedy fat guy and that's IT. So it's nice to see a fat character being more than that again.

It's been a bit since I played it so I don't remember a ton of my complaints. Off the top of my head the biggest issue I had was that the boss fights are WAY too long. They last forever, you have to do them twice. And then they end on a minigame where if you fail you have to do the whole fight over. It's so annoying and makes each one a total chore where otherwise they'd be REALLY cool. Also I know they're not meant to be scary but I did not care for the screamers in that one level at all. They did not do it for me lol. Lastly, this might be a weird way to start this post. But I know this game had a racist enemy design in it. If it's what I think it is, it's a stereotype of indigenous cultures which has been removed from the game from my understanding. But still. This sucks. It's something we see in indie games WAY too often. Too many indie games feature enemies like this. And I know a lot of old AAA games had this too. But it's not okay. And it's something that really really baffles me that indie devs STILL think it's okay to have enemies like this. Stop it.

Aside from that, great entry in the Wario-Land like genre. Was a blast to play (an Anton Blast aha) while also adding a ton of original stuff to make it stand out. I hope to see more and I hope its popularity leads to even MORE Wario Land type games and more games with cute scribbly art styles.

The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog (March 31, 2023) - PC

A much smaller april fools game that also took me a bit to play. But DAMN am I happy I did. This game was a TON of fun! You never see fake games made for April Fools that are like... yknow... actual games you can play! And this was such a cute and fun little game I really shocked by how much of a good time I had with it!

Usually I'm not super into point and click stuff but man this game was SO cute it didn't bug me at all. Fantastic writing, tons of Sonic characters who aren't written to be jokes (I love seeing this becoming a trend again), fantastic and silly references to the whole series (THERE WAS A FUCKING SONIC RIVALS REFERENCE!! THAT'S SO COOL!!!!!) The art is FANTASTIC, the music is nice, I was really surprised at how good and fun the story was? Like towards the end it becomes a real story with real stakes and a pretty moving ending which was SUPER cool to see! Also it had actual gameplay scenes with real timing and platforming? Which was SO surprising but totally welcome!

I really don't have much negative to say? It was free and it's a small april fools joke that ended up being really cool! I loved the outfits for each character (rouge is so hot) AND it introduced a new super cute and hot Sonic Milf! So I say, it's pretty fucking amazing, actually!

Rocket Knight Adventures (August 5th, 1993) - Sega Genesis

This was a game I didn't really have any intentions of playing, but a friend of mine has been asking me for a bit now to check it out. And after playing Ristar and realizing I've been missing out on a TON of Genesis games my whole life, and a total rando telling me I NEED to play this game. I just snapped, I couldn't not. How could I ignore it after all this praise? So here I am! After finally playing Rocket Knight Adventures!

And my verdict? Yeah it's pretty cool! I like the world it takes place in, I like the character designs (Rocket in particular is VERY cute), I like the sprites and music. This is all around just a pretty dang fun game! I liked the gimmick of being able to charge up your jetpack and dash around. And I feel like it does honestly make pretty good use of it unlike Ristar and Pulseman which I talked about before. My only real complaint is that I think the final bosses kinda suck and are a bit of a chore. But I am a sucker for like, edgy rivals who use the same powers as you.

I will probably check out the sequels when I get the chance, though I've heard they're not SUPER great. I would love a new entry eventually that really goes hard into the rocket stuff and maybe has even more shmup levels cause of course I loved those aha.

Super Mario Advance 2: Super Mario World (December 14, 2001) - Gameboy Advance

And last but not least for now, Super Mario Advance 2! If you know anything about me, you know that Super Mario World is one of my all time favorite games! I ADORE the SNES original as in addition to just being a great game, it's actually the first game I've ever played (or at least have memories of playing). And despite the fact the first time I beat Mario 2 & 3 was with the GBA remakes, I had never tried the remake of Super Mario World on GBA until now! But I gotta say, yeah these are great ports!

Super Mario World is just great on its own so of course it's a good game. I still love the sprites, they're washed out here because of the lack of backlight way back when it came out. But I think the new color scheme is nice and still works. I LOVE the music still and it sounds really nice in the GBA soundfont. And there's a lot of really good changes here too! Stuff like a serious playable Luigi, a more serious exit tracker, and having the Dragon Coins function more like Star Coins in NSMB are all GREAT changes that should have been there from the start. But even stuff like additional cutscenes, voice clips (which I LOVE), small sprite fixes on Peach and Yoshi, and the cute fun way enemies roll away with funny sprite rotations when Yoshi spits them out are ultimately not needed but are great changes!

I sort of rushed through this playthrough but I mean, it's Super Mario World, so I wouldn't be surprised if I end up playing more of it and play more levels that I didn't give a shot soon! This is a great port and I still continue to LOVE the Mario Advance games so much! I'll probably have to play it more to see but if I ever get around to 100% completing it I could see this potentially being the ideal way to play Super Mario World which is CRAZY to think about! Good port!

[euphoricsunflowers]

PLEASE WRITE ABOUT THE COWORKER WONWOO😭😭😭😭😭

literally just needed one person to tell me they wanted it lmao

based off of this. text messages are bolded. content warning for unsafe bondage, not specifically afab!reader but kinda fem, hickeys, slight possessiveness lol, making out, mentions of taking sexy pictures but it doesn’t actually happen, also ahem: Don’t Fuck Your Coworkers <3 pls <33

you: are you busy right now?

your text message startled him out of his focus on his work. if he’s being honest he’s got so much work to do that he’s overwhelmed. he needs to tell you yes.

wonwoo: no

wonwoo: why

he hopes being short in his messages will maybe make you telepathically understand that he really can’t right now even if he would love to. it doesn’t. he sits for a moment, head in his hands when he reads your reply.

you: you know where to meet me

unfortunately, he does. this arrangement has been going on for a couple months now. he’s decently sure no one has noticed because you’ve only done it a handful of times and you’re really good at acting outside of your precious oasis: the janitor’s closet. what a perfect place for inter-office romance.

except he’s assuming the romance side of this is one-sided. not in some tragic, sad way, but he just assumes you like using him for whatever kind of stress relief this is. he doesn’t mind.

wonwoo gets up, making his way towards the bathroom. it’s only once he’s completely out of sight from everyone that he makes a sharper right turn into the janitor’s closet that is so conveniently placed for your impromptu meetings. he’s pulled in somewhat forcefully, but because this is not the first time you’ve done this, it doesn’t surprise him anymore.

your lips find his instantly, immediately titling your head to deepen it as soon as possible. you’re still holding his wrist from when you pulled him in, but your other hand rests simply on his shoulder. his hands grip your waist as you make out.

you pull at his tie to loosen it and eventually remove it entirely, still keeping him distracted with your kisses and the close proximity. he’s getting dizzy; you’re just getting started.

you pull away from the kiss, one hand still holding his wrist while your other hand wraps his tie around it. you take his other hand and tie his wrists together loosely with his tie. only finally do you look up at him, meeting his intense gaze, “is this okay?”

his breaths are more shallow than he’d like to admit, “yeah, you’re fine. do whatever you want.”

“mmm can i give you hickeys? let the whole office know someone’s got you?” even if your arrangement didn’t have a lot of romance in it, it was hard to not feel possessive of someone so perfect like him.

he plays absentmindedly with the buttons on your blouse because it’s all he can do with his hands tied, “you know i’ll just cover it up. i’ll get really into wearing turtlenecks for a while or something. i’m creative,” he smiles charmingly.

okay then, you give in. you pull his tie up so his hands are above his head, held up with your hand pinning his wrists to the wall. you kiss his neck with vigor, touching all over his chest, his waist, feeling up everything under the thick material of his suit as his hands rest uselessly in front of him. you move to unbutton his shirt as you go back to his lips, making out and grinding on each other for what feels like a mini eternity.

it feels like paradise, except he’s not sure if paradise includes worrying about cumming in his expensive pants.

your fingers run through his hair, nails dragging at just the right places to make him shiver. he wonders if it’s your intention to make him look like a sex-crazy wreck or if that’s just an afterthought of your stress relieving methods. maybe you don’t even think about it at all, which is almost hotter.

“hey, i just remembered i’ve got a meeting in like 15,” you say suddenly, pulling away while fixing the button on your shirt. it takes him a second to come down from the daze he was in. you smile when you get a good look at him, “maybe go fix yourself up in the bathroom.”

only then does he realize you were wearing red lipstick. good god.

you help him undo the knot of his tie, “wish i could take a picture of you so i can never forget how pretty you look right now,” you say, untying his wrists, leaving a delicate kiss on his hand. it’s far too sappy a moment for what you mean by ‘pretty’ because he looks like he just had wild sex. and you barely did anything to him.

[spurgie-cousin]

ok Sister Wives girlies here are some of my thoughts on the new season so far, let me hear yours (it turns out I had more than I thought):

the conversation that made up most of the first episode was so exhausting and sad. To hear Christine layout this laundry list of things that have been breaking her heart for over a decade just for him to straight up shoot her down at every turn and tell her they didn't even happen was rough. It feels like the sum of their entire relationship (or at least what I know about it) with Christine trying to be as honest as possible about the way he's making her feel and him responding by telling her she either has no idea what she's talking about or straight up lying.........I think anyone who's had a close relationship with a gaslighter probably felt some PTSD watching that convo lol.

Kind of along the same lines but it just really gets me that Kody, a man who can have as many relationships in this life as he wants, can look at Christine, a woman who has only had one (and would ideally stay that way in fundie Mormon land) and tell her that she has all of the love and support she needs.

I'm tired of hearing Robyn whine about everyone having the wrong idea about their relationship like I'm just fuckin over it. Just acknowledge the fact that true or no, you're relationship looks very different than any of his other romantic relationships and stop trying to justify it by placing blame on everyone else, like by saying everything would be a-ok if all of the other wives just followed the COVID rules as well as you (which we all know isn't true, Meri spent like 4 months literally by herself following the rules and Kody didn't give a flying shit).

I get Kody's concerns about Truely moving away, but Christine is her only parent for all intents and purposes. I just don't think he has the right to feel as indignant as he does.

Christine and Ysabel being so close to Maddie and Caleb made me tear up 😭 hearing that Ysabel was going to live with them in part to spend time with a functional, loving married couple really gave me a little twinge in my chest.

I'm also very tired of Kody complaining that his kids have 'turned against him' jesus christ!!!!! You all but abandoned them for years, you threatened to stop seeing them over them not breaking up with partners or moving out of their homes, you treated their mothers like afterthoughts, it's amazing that they're willing to talk to you at all tbh. I would be on a big hiatus from communicating with my dad if he blamed our falling out on me not leaving my girlfriend??? or moving out of my home when I was there for financial reasons (and am very young) like we would not be talking at all. They're right.

Kody is using COVID as an excuse to not have to be fully present for his whole family and you can't convince me otherwise. You don't respond to your kids not feeling cared for with anger and arrogance, it doesn't work like you just don't get to tell all these people you've hurt that you didn't hurt them!!!!!!!!!! At this point your family is failing, it's time to either choose them or your own made-up COVID precautions.

Kody says about Ysabel moving in with Maddie and Caleb, "I really thought she'd stay here in Flagstaff" ???? why is this bitch so convinced everyone wants to be in Flagstaff????? He's also said many times it's the "most likely place the kids will move back to" why????????? they're not from there, the family has only been there for a few years and most of their community is in Vegas and Utah. I really think Kody has brain rot or something when it comes to the Flagstaff thing.

[shima-draws]

Shima, your Bottled Soul AU scene where Izuku sees Shouto for the first time reignited my love for BNHA. How you described them awwwwww. I can't, it's so cute. Imagine Izuku immediately bursting into tears at how beautiful Shouto is. And then the whole I Have Eyes revelation just being an afterthought because look at this person in front of me. I can't help but imagine how CLINGY Shouto would be afterwards. Shouto protected Izuku 24/7, that would not go away immediately. I'm imagining Izuku talking to Class 1-A for the first time in person and Shouto just glaring at whoever was talking to him or snatching him from conversations when they go on too long. Oof, the first time Izuku goes back to hero work would be a NIGHTMARE with protective Shouto being worried at every moment.

Aaaaaa ty!! So glad to hear it <3

Izuku definitely cries, a LOT, even by the time Shouto is allowed to see him (bc Inko and Toshi have first dibs). Shouto cries too and it’s just a very very emotional scene 🥺

I mentioned before that as Izuku’s recovering Shouto sneaks out of the dorms to see him at night—he deadass scales the side of the hospital with his ice to crawl into Izuku’s window. All of the doctors and nurses know he’s there but at this point they KNOW they can’t stop him so they just pretend that they don’t notice LMAO. And Aizawa’s beyond caring too bc he knows generally Shouto’s a good student, so he can let him off the hook for breaking the rules this one time. Granted Shouto and Izuku have been together practically 24/7 for a year so naturally they both have separation anxiety, both of them get really antsy if they’re apart for too long so yes they’re super clingy with each other :’) And everyone’s like. You know what that’s valid.

The first time Izuku meets Class 1-A in person is after he get released from the hospital and they surprise him with a “Congrats on getting your body back and getting discharged after over a year of being kind of comatose” party LOL but yeah it’s super sweet and emotional and everyone is SO thrilled to see Izuku in one piece. Shouto absolutely hovers the entire time and rarely leaves Izuku’s side, which everyone teases him for

It’s definitely a long while before Izuku’s allowed back on the hero scene—and it’s complicated bc not everyone knows about his identity as Deku. Of course Shouto likely finds out at some point when Izuku was still in the bottle so he’s aware—so he’s very reluctant to let Izuku go back to heroing, and he’s not the only one. But all of them know how goddamn stubborn he is and that even if they try to stop him he’ll just go anyway without supervision and actually get himself killed this time. So Izuku’s eventually allowed to start going around as Deku again…with Toshi’s very very watchful eye on him and Shouto texting him every 10 minutes to make sure he’s still alive lmao

[alj4890]

Uh hey there hope you having a good day/night! So recently trf just ended and when we were asked to ship Olivia to someone, there were no choice for Drake if we weren't married to him. As a dralivia stan I felt sad tbh lol so I hope you can make maybe just a short fic if we had Drake as a choice to pair with Olivia and they got to dance together. I hope you can see this ask and make it anytime I don't want it to be quickly made so yeah! Thanks!

Hey Nonny! Thank you and I hope your day/night is going well too. And YES, that freaking ending of TRF was just 😑 Not gonna lie, I wish the final book was us trying to help the not chosen LI's and Olivia find true love. I mean, I guess finding Liam's unknown sister was cool and all, but meh. Taking down a secret society basically ruling the world was so anticlimatic to me. Anyway, I was beyond disappointed that all Olivia got for romance was Amalas. It was almost like an afterthought or something. Smh 😡 Olivia deserved better. So, without further ado, let's give her the one she should have gotten.

@krsnlove @sirbeepsalot @lodberg ​ @mynameiskaylabella @museofbooks @elbenmond @annekebbphotography @gibbles82 @twinkleallnight @thehonorarybeaumont

Masterlist

A Maze of Emotions

(Olivia x Drake) in a Choices: The Royal Finale fanfic.

The Royal Palace, Cordonia...

Another ball to celebrate yet another victory.

After everything that had occurred, shouldn't one feel elated? Shouldn't the smiles and conversations of the most recent battle be enough? Where was the satisfaction of triumphing once more over one's enemies? Where was the relief that no one was hurt? Where was the need to raise one's glass with everyone else?

Olivia honestly couldn't answer any of those questions. She didn't feel triumphant. She didn't feel the need to brag about her one fight. She didn't feel like raising her glass with a smug satisfied smile on her lips.

Perhaps it's because I was left in the dark for the most part.

Riley told her it had been for her own safety.

Since when did Olivia Nevarkis ever need anyone to keep her safe? Hadn't she been not only protecting herself but also those of her friends for years now? She'd even stepped up numerous times to guard the little princess.

She knew she would have to let it go. Summoning all her willpower, she attempted to focus on the celebration. Yet, memories plagued her.

Has it really been five years since I entered a ballroom to try and win Liam?

More than that, Olivia realized. More like six years. All those years revolved around one thing: Liam.

So much time had been wrapped up in making certain he got everything he deserved. She didn't regret it. She simply wondered when her life would be given a chance to actually begin.

"Hey!"

Olivia merely smirked in lieu of greeting.

Riley rolled her eyes playfully over that response. "What are you doing over here by yourself?"

"Simply enjoying your ball." Olivia took a long sip from a glass of bourbon she had ordered.

Champagne wasn't strong enough for the mood she was currently in.

What kind of mood is it? I'm not angry. I'm not exactly sad. I'm not too happy either. It is some mixture of the three with a dash of frustration.

"You know," Riley continued, unaware of her friend's troubled thoughts, "you've done so much for me and Liam." She waved out toward the twirling couples. "You've done so much for Cordonia. Don't you think you deserve to put yourself first for a change?"

Olivia blinked in surprise. "I should do what?"

"Have some fun." Riley explained. "And not the kind of fun you claim you have beating up bad guys." She chuckled over Olivia wrinkling her nose in response. "I mean do something the opposite of violent."

"Since you seem to be overflowing with opinions," Olivia grumbled, "care to actually give an example or two of what you're talking about?"

"Well," Riley hedged, "how about finding your own happily ever after?"

Olivia felt the old need to scoff at a ridiculously sappy turn of phrase.

Happily Ever After? It's such a cliché. A cliché that only works for a select few. People like Liam and Riley achieve that, not someone like me.

And yet, maybe that was what was missing.

She had secretly loved Liam for most of her life. She never gave anyone a second glance while he was the center of her universe. Then his engagement tour opened her eyes to the fact that Liam could never be hers. He had been made for Riley.

And let's not forget the fact that she unknowingly had been married to a terrorist the entire time. At least that was handled easily with a quick annulment and Anton's execution.

And just when she was ready to try her hand at seeing what life could possibly offer, the whole heir debacle began. Years passed and Olivia was left in the same spot she was when this fairy tale began.

She was alone.

She knew she had friends, true friends this time, yet it wasn't enough anymore.

"Do you," Olivia grimaced, "never mind."

"Do I what?" Riley asked.

"What, and this is a huge if," Olivia's eyes narrowed in warning, "and if you tell anyone this, I will be forced to cut you off from calling me your friend."

Riley was nearly dancing in giddy anticipation.

"What do you think about me possibly finding someone?" She hated that her voice shook uttering that stupid question.

"Finding them to?" Riley prompted.

Olivia glared at her. "To date."

"I've been waiting for this moment forever!" Riley squeezed her in a swift hug.

"This either means you support this or are planning on taking over." Olivia mumbled.

"Both!" Riley turned about, taking in her crowded ballroom. "So, what's your type?"

"Type?" Olivia scanned the room. "I've never really thought about it before."

Riley noticed a couple of people looking their way.

Actually, they were looking at Olivia.

"You've been spending a lot of time with Amalas over the years." Riley pointed out when she noticed the smile on the Spy Queen's face as she peeked over at the duchess.

"It's just been in search of information for you and Liam." Olivia explained.

"Anything else possibly discovered?" Riley nudged her. "Any feelings by chance?"

"I admire her abilities to uncover hidden secrets, but nothing else."

Riley nodded in understanding while focusing on the only person she once thought would be perfect for the surly with a tender heart duchess.

"What about," she knew she was taking a chance saying the name aloud but decided to risk the consequences, "Drake?"

"Drake?" Olivia sputtered. "As in Walker?!" She burst into laughter. "What a joke. You almost had me there."

"I'm serious!" Riley insisted. "You both have so much in common! Look at what you've both overcome through the years. You even get along now!" She tilted her head while studying one of her best friends. "He isn't too hard on the eyes either."

"I can't believe this is what you offer me the one time I confess to something like this." Olivia snapped. "Enjoy your ball. I need some air."

She swept off in an elegant twirl of skirt to find a place to drink in peace.

****************

"Dammit Riley!" Olivia grumbled on her way to the hedge maze. "Drake Walker? There are billions of people in this world and you suggest I give HIM a chance?!"

She turned here and there without much thought to where she was going. Her mind whirled with thoughts of Drake and their complicated past along with a need to get as far away from this blasted ball as she could.

She knew her hatred towards him had lessened over the years. She'd even begun to admire his dedication to Liam and Riley. He didn't have to do anything. He didn't possess a title or lands that he needed to protect. He simply stepped in danger's path each time someone he cared for was threatened.

As much as it ate at her, she more than admired that personality quirk of his.

But could I actually be with him? Like that?

Olivia stopped beside the ancient wishing well. She took another healthy gulp of her drink while gazing down within the dark depths. Starlight was reflected along with her shadowed face.

"Figures." Olivia whispered. "The one time I consider my future, I end up in the spot Queen Eleanor told me would help me find my heart's wish."

She missed Liam's mother more than she missed her own. There had been something about that compassionate lady that made her wish she was here to give her counsel in this matter. How in the world was Olivia supposed to know what she needed in a possible mate? She'd not seen anyone have a romance that looked appealing, at least to her.

Riley and Liam were the ultimate, romantic fairy tale. Penelope and Zeke were simply too icky sweet and weird with their dogs and all. Couples like Hana's parents seemed driven by ambition.

None of that seemed remotely like Olivia. She didn't see the need to gain anything else. She had her duchy, her people, and the respect of her monarchs and country. And she guessed she could add her friends to the list.

She didn't think she could do a relationship filled with endless romance and sweet nothing's. She'd want to throw up if she had to endure that day in day out.

She wouldn't mind some affection and a compliment or two.

Olivia buried her face in her hands. This is ridiculous! She should be able to put into words what she wanted from a significant other.

"I don't know what to do!" She gripped the edge of the wishing well. Knowing she was too old to do this, she closed her eyes and spoke her wish into the opening.

"I need a sign. Not just some mystical piece of mumbo jumbo, but a clear direct sign showing me who I need." Her nose wrinkled. "I don't need them, but I wouldn't mind finding them just the same. Soon. So...do whatever it is you do and give it to me."

She folded her arms and waited.

"Please." She added, just in case.

And waited.

And waited.

"I'm worse than a child." She swiped up her glass and downed the last of her bourbon. "Depending on some inanimate object to give me direction in my life."

She stomped away from wretched thing. Arguing silently with herself, she took the turns needed to escape the hedged labyrinth. She was determined to thrust all of these thoughts from her mind, go home to Lythikos, and be the duchess everyone expected. Cold. Capable. Calculated.

And alone.

"Oof!"

Olivia stumbled back from the body she had collided with. This area closer to the palace was better lighted, allowing her to see the one she had plowed into.

"Geez, what's the hurry?" Drake asked.

Damn Riley! I bet she sent him out here to find me!

"What are you doing out here, Walker?" She griped.

"Escaping." He admitted. "There's only so much mingling I can do before I'm tempted to slit my wrist."

Olivia's irritation lessened. A reluctant smile curved her lips. She too detested small talk at all these events they were forced to attend.

"You need a tougher persona to be able to stand around with no one bothering you."

He snorted. "Tougher? My jumping in front of a bullet didn't take care of that?"

"You were too nice to everyone after that." Olivia explained. "If you had grunted and glared more then, people would avoid you now."

"Damn. I knew I shouldn't have tried to act like Liam." He muttered.

"It isn't worth it."

"You're right."

"I always am." She boasted.

"No, you're not." He argued.

"When have I been wrong?" She placed a hand on her hip.

"You got a tent?" He asked.

"A what?"

"A tent," Drake smirked at her, "because we will be here for days listing all the times you've been wrong."

Olivia coughed to cover her laughter.

I love sparring with him.

His smirk turned to a genuine grin when he noticed her doing so.

"Want to avoid small talk a little longer?"

She nodded.

"Well then, come on." He walked forward into the maze.

"Where are we going?" She quickened her pace to catch up to him. "I've already been to the well."

"The well?" He muttered. "No wonder you've been gone so long."

Olivia cocked an eyebrow at him. "So long? Was someone looking for me?"

"No, I..." He trailed off. "I noticed."

"Noticed what?"

He rolled his eyes. "I noticed you leaving. When time passed and you didn't return, I came out here to," he rubbed the back of his neck, "to check on you."

"Check on me?" She slowed her steps the closer they came to a small fountain nestled in a dead end. "Why would I need checking up on?"

"You looked," he hesitated then shrugged, "I don't know how to explain it." He huffed an irritated breath when he noticed her folded arms and narrowed eyes. "Something seemed wrong."

"What could possibly be wrong?" Olivia taunted. "You lot leave without me on some dangerous mission that I am only told at the very last second!" She turned away from him when she noticed a flash of pity in his eyes.

I refuse to let Drake Walker feel sorry for me.

"I don't know why I'm surprised." She snapped before he could explain. "You have never had a problem excluding me."

"What?" His head jerked up. His dark brown eyes bore into her green. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"That for as long as I can remember, you tried to keep me out of your life!" She placed her balled up fists on her hips while her words struck like a whip. "You didn't want me around Liam or Maxwell or anyone!"

It was as if she couldn't stop this need to unload every wrong upon his head.

"Then you try and keep me from helping Riley through that Tariq scandal." She shook her head. "It took fighting Anton and his pitiful excuse of an army before you finally quit trying to run me off."

Drake's cheeks had darkened. Whether they had because of his guilt or anger, she couldn't tell.

"You know why I did what I did as an adult." His voice held a hint of righteous anger. "After all the insults toward me and Savannah, did you think I wanted you anywhere near me?"

Olivia wanted to dismiss that. She knew deep down that she should apologize for that time in their lives. But apologizing to Drake Walker...it was asking too much.

"I guess I was wrong when we were kids." He grumbled, hating that the past kept cropping up between them. "I think I was a little jealous of you."

Olivia's head snapped up. "Jealous? Jealous of me? Over what?!"

"Liam and Maxwell always wanted you to play with us because," he shifted to sit down on the fountain's edge, "because you had the better imagination for all our pretend adventures and battles." He snorted softly. "And you wielded that wooden sword of yours better than most adults."

Olivia simply stared at him.

He actually admits he's wrong! What do I do now?

The beginning of a waltz drifted over to where they were.

"Dance with me."

Drake looked up at her in disbelief. "Do what now?"

"Dance with me." She repeated, holding her hand out.

"You're not going to stab me in the back or anything that causes my blood to spill out, are you?" He asked, getting to his feet.

"Yes, Drake. I decided to eliminate people who get on my nerves by hanging out in the maze with little lighting. All I need is a song I can dance to and then I strike when they twirl me."

He chuckled while taking her hand. "Sounds like a plan you'd make."

Olivia moved into his arms. "Just shut up and dance."

The two waltzed about without any words.

Olivia eventually lifted her eyes to his face. They traced over his high cheekbones, the nick along his jawline from shaving earlier, ending upon his eyes.

I suppose he does have a rugged charm that could be appealing.

She'd never noticed how thick his eyelashes were. How his hair falling over his forehead gave him a slight boyish appearance, softening the hard edges. She'd never noticed a lot of things about him.

When had he become a good dancer?

And why had it taken years to see the kind of man he had become?

Olivia stopped abruptly. Drake nearly knocked her down with the next dance step.

"Liv?" His brow furrowed in concern. "What is it?" He raised his hands to her shoulders. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

Maybe she had. Or, maybe the fog had finally lifted to show her what could be.

Drake's brow smoothed somewhat as he gazed down at her face lit by the fairy lights. When she wasn't being difficult, he had a chance to take in how beautiful she really was.

"You know," she said, "now that Liam and Riley have defeated all their enemies," she swallowed nervously, "the rest of us can go back to how life used to be."

"Used to be?" Drake shook his head. "I don't think life will ever be what it once was."

"You don't?"

"We've been through a lot, Liv." He continued. "It's changed us. All of us." A sheepish smile curved his lips. "I think all those changes are our new normal."

"And what do we do about the past?" Olivia wondered if she could truly move on from it.

"Leave it behind us." He told her.

The past had been her one steady companion. Memories of her parents. Slights and insults she had both given and received. The constant distrust of anyone being remotely kind to her. Would she finally be given a chance to leave all of it where it belonged?

"I'm thinking about leaving tomorrow." Drake announced.

"You are?" Olivia felt her heart sink.

So much for Riley's suggestion.

"I, um, I bought a house." He admitted. "I figure now that Brooks and Liam have everything under control, I can see what happens...for me."

"I see." Olivia murmured.

"I don't suppose you would, um," Drake softly cursed, "hell. Would you like to go with me to see it?"

"Your house? You want me to see your home?"

"Surprisingly, I do." He admitted.

Olivia glanced back toward the direction where the wishing well was hidden. Could this be the sign she had asked for? She had stressed that she wanted it to be clear.

"I would like you to see it." Drake added.

Olivia turned back toward him. Her lips were slightly parted in surprise.

"You would?"

"I just said I would." He grumbled. "I don't know how much clearer I can be about it."

And there it was: The sign she needed to know who might give her that happily ever after tailor made for herself.

"I'd like that." Olivia responded.

Drake seemed to relax once he saw she meant it. Taking her hand again, he suggested they head back inside to make plans.

The two took the path that led them out of the maze and into the beginning of their new future.

[tieriastar]

This was a surprising find. It gives a pretty accurate summary of every EreSasha interaction from the manga. They definitely were rarely seen talking to each other but it's true that Eren often seemed surprised by Sasha's actions. I shipped them for the longest time because they were my favorite characters in the series and despite their lack of a relationship on screen I headcanoned that something could be going on between them behind the scenes. Of course, that headcanon was destroyed by canon.

The only part I disagreed with is Eren doing it all for the sake of his friends, thus still cared about Sasha. He only really cared about Mikasa, Armin and Historia. Everyone else was an afterthought at the end. Like 'I gotta make sure my two best friends and the queen is safe. Oh and if Levi and the others survive that would be cool too... I guess.'

I also appreciate that this article included Gabi being called the EreSasha "love child". I mean, I hate Gabi obviously but I am glad that people recognize that Gabi is basically a carbon copy mixture of Eren and Sasha because many people are in denial about that, especially about Gabi resembling/paralleling Sasha. I don't know why. Maybe not believing this helps certain people believe the lie that Gabi did nothing wrong and that she's a truly unique and well developed character when she's really just a combination of two popular and well established characters. Honestly, she wouldn't be that bad if there was more of a point to Gabi being that way. Like what was the point? Was Gabi killing Sasha just some kind of crappy reference to the German folklore of the doppelganger? Or was it a scrappy troupe? Also, was Gabi being similar to Eren just Isayama's way to trolling the fans into thinking Gabi would be the new hero? Because all that crap about Sasha's death serving as some teaching moment to Gabi/pivotal moment to progress the story doesn't cut it because after Gabi "changes" she doesn't play a big role in the series. Just serves in the same tactical role that Sasha always had in battle. Also, the storyline of a Eldian soldier that painfully learns the truth was already told through Gabi's older cousin Reiner and in a much better way.

Yeah well anyways, maybe I'll check out the EreSasha tag in AO3 and I find it hilarious that most Tumblr posts with that tag are mine lol.

[crystaljins]

Finding Christmas again

Characters: Taehyung x Reader

Word count: 21K

Synopsis:  After a lifetime’s worth of turbulent and miserable Christmases with your family, you finally make the executive decision to spend this year’s Christmas alone. 

However, when you take home a box of old Christmas decorations from your friend’s shop, it seems that this Christmas is set to be different from the others.  

ChristmasScarecrow!Tae x human!Reader

Notes: Here it is!!! My contibution to the @thebtswritersclub​ secret santa (and also their monthly holiday prompt, Holiday/festival)!!!  And my secret santa is.... *drum roll*....

Hi @pars-ley​​, Merry Christmas!!!!! I hope you enjoy your secret santa!! 

Anyway, I know the premise sounds weird but bear with me!!!! It’s kinda cute, I promise!!

Rating: PG13

Genre: Fluff, angst

Warnings: Mentions of divorce, fighting, alcoholism, depression, mean step-siblings (OC’s family). Mentions of house break-ins, some kissing and some ANGST, santa is real, really poorly explained world mechanics that are kind of glossed over because I’m lazy LOL

For you, the start of the Christmas season is always marked by Seokjin unboxing the stock for his December-long Christmas sales. Any stock from the previous year that didn’t get sold gets lined up along the shelves along with a few new trinkets here and there. He pulls out a series of dusty cardboard boxes, soft and collapsing from age and within are numerous fraying, gaudy Christmas decorations he likes to string around the shop to give off a bit of a “festive” atmosphere. Of course, an overstocked, tacky dollar store can only be so “festive” but Seokjin never seems deterred. 

This year, however, marks a change. You sit amidst towering, overflowing shelves whileJin beams at you over the counter of his tacky dollar store and slides the first of the decrepit and infamous cardboard boxes towards you. 

“If you’re being stubborn and insisting on spending Christmas alone this year, at least put up some decorations.” He insists. Hesitantly, you peer inside- the tinsel has lost some of its magnificent sparkly mane, but it’s still passable and there’s a few tangled lights that you know from experience may have a bulb or two blown but are still somewhat useable. 

“I guess I could,” you reluctantly agree. Your small apartment could definitely do with a little apartment sprucing. “You’re not going to decorate this year?” You question. Jin shakes his head and beams, gesturing to a series of brand new cardboard boxes, freshly shipped. They’re crisp and upright in a way that makes the old boxes look even more soggy and pathetic.

“I’ve done a little bit of online shopping this year and thought it would be nice to freshen up my decorations. And I know you could use some decorations so I knew my babies would be going to a good home.” He announces, positively giddy with delight. Christmas always leaves Jin on the edge of manic. Starting the month off with his birthday and then finishing it off with the entire world decked out in festivities is like giving him a month-long sugar rush. Nothing says festive season like the terrifying sparkle to his gaze.

“Well... thank you, I guess.” You say. You’re hesitant but grateful. You’re not the kind of person who hates Christmas or thinks the grinch was a victim, but it’s always been a season that didn’t ring as joyful for you as it seemed to for everyone else. After all, for you, Christmas had consisted of you hiding upstairs while your parents had screaming matches while they were still together, and then it had been a mix of being picked on by your step-siblings the years you were stuck with your father, and nursing your mother after she’d get drunk over eggnog and cry over her broken family when you spent it with your mother. Perhaps this is your chance to reclaim the season. “I can load these up in my car and then we can get started hanging up your new decorations?” You suggest, as Jin finishes balancing the till. 

Jin nods absently, counting under his breath, before leaning against the counter with a smile. 

“That would be absolutely fantastic. Your santa hat is in my office- don’t forget it!” He reminds you. You groan. 

“Do we have to do this every year? It’s demeaning.” You complain. Jin nods and then ignores your grimacing, returning to counting the day’s takings. 

With a heavy sigh, you take your time loading the boxes into your car, parked out the back of the shop, before ducking into his office. Sure enough, two embroidered Santa’s hats sit haphazardly on Jin’s desk. You tug one over your head and grab the other for him. 

You’re not sure when this tradition of helping Seokjin set up his shop for Christmas began. If you’re being honest, you’re not even sure when you started being friends with him, but this has been a yearly tradition since he started the shop, and the closest you’ve ever gotten to Christmas cheer. Your job is to string out the decorations in the least gaudy manner possible while Jin arranges his Christmas stock on his already overflowing shelves.

Back in the shop, Jin has just finished locking up when you come down the stairs at the back. He turns to you and beams, before gesturing to the boxes filled with new decorations. 

“Time to put that interior decorator eye to good use, (Y/N)!” He cries, clapping his hands enthusiastically together. You wince- it would take a lot more than some Christmas lights to fix the mess that is Seokjin’s shop. Even a professional interior decorator couldn’t fix this chaotic mess. His shop is ten years past a clearance sale.

Still, you walk over and begin to open up the boxes, sorting through the decorations until you come across an older box. You thought you’d loaded them all, but it looks like you’ve missed one. 

“What’s this box, Jin?” You ask, peeling back the lid to find a series of old, musty decorations. Jin pauses in his detangling of some dangling star lights to look over your shoulder. 

“Those are the decorations I put up for sale every year that never seem to go. Even the words “clearance” isn’t enough for people to want them.” He sighs, and he’s surprisingly melancholy as he looks upon the unwanted decorations. You’ve never had much to do with the things he chooses to sell- frankly you’re a little afraid with the things you may find should you venture into the labyrinth of his dollar store. Curious, you peel back the cardboard flap and peer inside at the myriad of unwanted decorations. 

Oddly, it makes your heart twinge a little, to see the stock that has been stuck gatherinf dust for eleven months. As dramatic as it sounds, you know a thing or two about being unwanted. 

Not that your parents ever implied you were unwanted! It’s just hard not to feel that way when you’re born to a couple who want nothing to do with each other. The constant back and forth between your two feuding parents had constantly made you feel more like a “pass-the-parcel” package than a human being.

And when your dad had remarried, he’d always insisted that you were welcome, but it’s not difficult to see how happy he is in his new family. How his stepchildren’s achievements made him smile or how he’d finally achieved the noisy, warm household he’d always dreamed of. The household he never had with you. And now even your mother is trying new things- she’d asked you to come with her to meet the family of her new boyfriend, but you couldn’t bring yourself to suffer through the awkwardness. 

That’s why you’d chosen to spend this Christmas alone- because you can’t seem to shake the feeling that you’re an afterthought when it comes to a holiday that involves spending time with your family. You exist, and you share their blood, but they have plans with people they actually chose to be in their lives. You’re welcome along, but not really wanted. 

Jin watches the expression on your face with mild interest. 

“Do you... want any of them?” He questions tentatively. “They’re a bit gaudy, but you could give them a home?”

You grimace at the ugly decorations- it’s not hard to see why no one wanted them. Tacky, corny baubles and cheap little mantle ornaments that a even a seventy year old grandmother would turn her nose up at.

But despite your general distaste, a tuft of red wool at the corner of the box catches your attention. You reach forward and tug it free.

A Christmas-themed scarecrow toy smiles back at you. Tufts of red, woollen hair peak out beneath his little santa’s hat, and two sewed on black buttons make up his eyes. His mouth is a simple stitched black line, a little upwards curve, and a little paint on upside down triangle makes his nose. He’s dress in a flannel shirt and overalls, but the overalls have a little christmas tree embroidered on the front and his flannel shirt has fluffy cuffs like the ends of a santa shirt. He’s sort of charming, if a little strange- why a christmas scarecrow? What an oddly specific decoration. 

“I can kind of see why no one would want these.” You snort, though you don’t put him back. Jin nods sympathetically. 

“This little guy has been with me for years. All the other decorations I bought with him eventually got sold but this guy is still unwanted.” He admits, taking the scarecrow from your hands to examine it fondly. “I even tried giving him away for free once but they didn’t want him.”

You bite your lip at that. The two button eyes stare up at you longingly, and for some reason you feel a sense of camaraderie with this stupid, gaudy christmas scarecrow. 

If you’re taking a bunch of decorations, why not this guy? He clashes with every instinct you have in terms of decoration, but the thought of him sitting on a shelf, unwanted for a month only to go back in this dusty old box at the end of the year is too depressing for you to handle. With a sigh, you take him back from Jin. 

“Might as well, since you dumped all your other old decorations on me.” You sigh.

And you miss the way Jin winks at the little scarecrow when you’re facing away from it. 

++

You actually forget about the decorations for the next few days. They sit in your car, unpacked. You’re busy with work as they rush to wrap up the end of year projects before their deadlines. And it’s not like putting up decorations has a deadline, right? You put them up some time before Christmas and hopefully remember to take them down before February hits. 

It’s when Autumn finally draws to a close and the first of December hits that you’re finally motivated to put them up. You’re in a deep clean kind of mood and when you duck out to your car to chuck out the various wrappers and old papers you’ve built up over autumn, you recall the boxes in your boot. 

The little Christmas Scarecrow is the first thing you pull out once the boxes are unloaded into your home. The little button eyes gaze up at you mournfully, as if scolding you for leaving him unattended in your car for so long. 

“Sorry little guy.” You sigh, straightening and setting him atop your mantle. He looks a little out of place with your decor but it feels right to place him there for some reason. This way he’s in full view of any guests that walk in. “Here. This can be your spot. Front and centre.” You tell him, and from this spot his button eyes look a little less mournful. With a smile, you begin puzzling out how to assemble Jin’s ratty old Christmas tree. 

You’re in the middle of a youtube tutorial on how to make your tree appear fuller when your phone lights up with your mother’s contact image. 

It takes you a few moments to steal yourself to answer her.

You aren’t on bad terms with your mother or anything. It’s just... for a few years after the divorce, when you probably needed her most, she just wasn’t your mother. And she’s done really well and gotten a lot of help and she’s in a really good place right now, but it’s still hard. It’s hard to talk to either of your parents, really. 

“Hey mum.” You finally say as you answer the phone. You can guess what she’s going to ask- every since she found out you wouldn’t be going home for Christmas, she’s been doing her best to convince you otherwise. 

“I was just at the store this morning,” she greets you. “And I saw all the ingredients for that christmas cake we used to make when you were small. Do you remember? And we always made it snowman-shaped and you’d cry when we’d eat it.”

You smile at the memory- it’s one of the very few fond ones you have on Christmas. When you were a very young child, before whatever your parents had between them went sour. Before life transitioned into hiding upstairs and trying to block out the sounds of shouting and being bounced back and forth between opposite sides of the country because your mother and father couldn’t even handle being in the same city together. 

“I do remember.” You say.

“We could make it!” Your mother urges. “Just think- wouldn’t it be so fun? John has a daughter your age, and she loves to bake! She’s so eager to meet you too- we could-“

“Maybe next year, mum.” You say. “I’m just absolutely slammed at work this year. Besides, I’ll be down for your birthday soon. I’d just rather spend Christmas at home, this year.”

Your mother is silent for a moment. You know she didn’t miss the implications of your statement. When you had first moved out for studying, returning to your parent’s place had been “going home”. Even you’re not sure when avoiding your family for the holidays had morphed into “staying home.”

“I... I’m sorry. I know I keep bringing it up, but I heard from your father that you weren’t going to spend it with him either and I... I don’t like the thought of you alone for Christmas.” She finally says. “I know I’ve failed you in a lot of ways, but I don’t want this to be one of them. John’s wonderful and his family would love to have you. We could make room for you.”

You go quiet for a moment. Your mum is trying her very best. You know that- you know that so well and yet you can’t. You just can’t do it. You don’t have it in you to brave through Christmas with either of your parents and play happy families and pretend that the years of misery didn’t happen. You don’t want a Christmas where people are “making room” for you. You want to have a place that is just inherently yours.

“Next year.” You promise. Next year you’ll have steeled yourself. Next year you’ll have it together. Next year you can try again. Next year you’ll be a little stronger and more resilient and then you can face the mess of your broken family.

Your mother sighs on the other end, in a sad, disappointed sort of way. 

“Next year.” She finally says, and there’s a promise in her words. Next year she’ll be better too. She’ll keep trying. 

You stay on the phone a little longer, and when you hang up you just spend a moment in your empty apartment. Boxes are sitting, strewn around you and currently the only decoration is your little Christmas Scarecrow. 

Oddly, he almost looks judgemental as he peers at you through the buttons. 

“Don’t look at me like that.” You sigh, getting to your feet and beginning the process of organising the Christmas decorations. “It’s complicated. You don’t know my mum and I know she loves me and I know she’s trying... but it’s... it’s just complicated, ok?”

You continue to ramble as you finish up your decorations. It’s quite therapeutic, talking to an inanimate object. It almost feels like he’s listening- there’s something warm in the little stitched mouth and button eyes. You and your scarecrow, both unwanted on Christmas day. You tell him about your parent’s divorce, about your past Christmases. About Jin and your friendship with him. About your decision to be alone for Christmas this year because neither of your parent’s offers seemed particularly appealing. 

By the time you’ve finish, your apartment actually looks decent. The Christmas tree sits in the corner, decorated with baubles covered in chipped paint and balding tinsel. There’s lights strung across the ceiling and across your mantle and maybe there’s one or two missing spots, and maybe it’s just a little tacky, but it’s warm. It’s home. You’ve carved out a little home for yourself in this apartment, and maybe it’s not perfect, but you like it. 

When you fall asleep on the couch, exhausted, you dream of ringing sleigh bells and cheerful Christmas tunes. 

++

You awaken suddenly. Your heart is in your throat. 

There’s someone in your apartment. You can hear them rummaging around in the kitchen. You don’t know how they got there, but terror fills you. 

The first thing you do is discreetly reach for your phone. You want to call the emergency number but you don’t want the intruder to know you’re awake in case they retaliate. Instead, you shoot a text to Jin. 

There’s someone in my house. You text. The response is almost immediate. 

I’m on my way. He responds. You resist the urge to groan. You’d told him so that he could call the police, not so that he could play hero. 

You roll off the couch and sneak closely to the wall. A metal bat rests there- a housewarming gift from Namjoon when he first learnt you’d be living alone. You never thought you’d have to use it. You never forget to lock your doors and surely no one has the guts to scale a building and come in through your balcony, right?

Still, you’re grateful for it now as you grip the handle tightly between both fists. 

Hesitantly and quietly, you inch towards the kitchen. The light is on and you can make out a figure bustling inside. 

With a cry, you rush forward, swing the back in a downwards arc. 

Only for your terrified intruder to whip around and catch the bat with the palms of his hands. Ignoring the fact that he just caught the full swing of a metal bat without flinching, you try and pull your bat back to tru for another swing. 

But he merely tightens his grip on the bat and this gives you time to take in his appearance. 

There’s a lot of striking things about the man’s appearance. Bright, brilliantly red hair, the colour of Christmas ribbons and raspberries, a straight, prominent nose. A sharp, well-defined jawline and two warm, dark eyes, almost familiar in their dark shade. 

It’s hard to know what to take in first. His startlingly handsome face, his brightly coloured hair, or his outlandish outfit. You don’t think you’ve ever seen someone look cute in tacky, Christmas themed overalls or a flannel shirt that’s an odd mix of a Santa’s hat and a farmer’s uniform. Complete with the Santa’s hat and the bright red hair, the man could almost be twins with your Christmas Scarecrow. 

“Who are you?” You demand. You attempt another futile tug on your bat, but the man’s grip is firm. 

“Don’t panic, (Y/N)!” He urges. His voice is deep and velvety but edged with a little terror. Your eyes widen. 

“How do you know my name?” You demand. If you weren’t afraid before, you are now. 

“Seokjin said it! In the store, a few days ago!” He cries, still pressing firmly against your metal bat. Despite you pressing your whole weight into it, it doesn’t budge a centimetre closer towards him. 

“So you’re a stalker?” You cry. 

“No!” He counters. “It’s me, (Y/N)! The scarecrow!”

That startles you enough to relax your grip on the metal bat. He senses the lapse in your grip and tugs the metal bat free. He holds it away from you and approaches you slowly, cautiously. 

“I was just making you some hot chocolate.” He says slowly. “You seemed sad after your phone call with your mum and I wanted to comfort you.”

He’s crazy- a crazy guy has broken into your house and has been listening to your conversations for who knows how long, and has been stalking you before that. 

“How long have you been stalking me for, you psycho?” You demand. His eyes widen in horror. 

“I’m not a stalker!” He insists. “I’m your scarecrow- turn around and I can prove it!” 

“What? So that you can stab me while my back is turned?” You demand. You make a grab for the bat. “Get out of my house!”

He manages to throw the bat backwards and grab both your shoulders as you lunge for him. With impressive strength he presses on your shoulders and spins you around. In the same motion, he shoves you forward a few steps and you stumble to re-gain your balance. 

Enraged and terrified, you whip around, ready to retaliate.

Only, he’s gone. Where a weird red-haired man previously stood, your kitchen is now empty. 

The counters are scattered with objects- your milk is out, and an open tin of cocoa, a few of your spice jars are laid neatly next to the pile of pots. 

And, sitting neatly where the man had been not a moment before, is your little Christmas Scarecrow. He smiles up at you, button eyes gleaming like he knows something you don’t. 

You can’t help it- you crumble before it. The post-adrenaline crash hits hard and you stare dumbly at the embroidered smile for a moment. 

“It’s a dream.” You finally conclude to yourself. “This is some messed-up nightmare and tomorrrow this haunted scarecrow can go right back to Jin’s store.” 

You grab it and hold it at a distance, your arms outstretched like it smells bad. 

“This is fine.” You assert. “It’s a dream. Just. Just go back here. And I’ll go... run into a wall or something. And this will all be some sort of fever dream.”

You settle the Christmas Scarecrow back into its rightful spot on your mantle, before turning around. You take a deep breath, mentally preparing yourself to run full speed at the wall just opposite. 

“‘Haunted’ is a little much, don’t you think?” The same velvety voice from earlier asks, and you turn to find the very same intruder leaping off your mantle onto the ground. “I’m not a ghost, or anything.”

He comes to stand in front of you, arms folded and lips pulled into a frown. Looking upon him now, you see the similarities to the Christmas Scarecrow- even the loose thread in the embroidered tree of his overall pockets is identical. It... it really is your Christmas Scarecrow, standing before you in human form. 

You nod to yourself, a peaceful wave of acceptance washing over you and- 

No wait, never mind. That wave is nausea- you’re blacking out.

++

When you come to, you’re arranged neatly on your couch with your scarecrow hovering over you. You almost want to faint again, but you hold strong. 

“You’re awake!” He cheers, waving a damp towel around. He’s been dipping it in a bowl of cool water and pressing it against your forehead and you flinch as his actions send icy drops over water scattering across your face. 

“And you used to be a scarecrow.” You grumble, sitting up. You squint and lean in closely, taking in every detail. Each mark on his skin, each strand of bright red hair, the smooth curve of his smile... it’s so human. Probably the most ethereal and beautiful human to walk the planet, but still human. One of his eyelids is a monolid and the other is a double lid and one of his front teeth is just slightly longer than the other and yet the effect is that he’s just so charming. Far too beautiful to be sitting in your tacky, poorly decorated apartment and far too beautiful to be spending most of his time as a cringe-y christmas-themed scarecrow that Jin probably fished out of the bottom of a clearance basket at a thrift shop and thought he could get away with re-selling. “You have maybe thirty seconds to explain before I call the police. Or an exorcist. Or both.”

He holds up his both his hands in surrender.

“Wait. Please.” He pleads. The desperate way he says the words makes you pause. Honestly, the sane thing to do would be to kick him out. Leave the weird, haunted scarecrow out on the street to fend for himself and go about your days as if this particular little supernatural incident never occurred. 

You sigh. 

“Just... please tell me what’s going on.” You finally say. “I won’t do anything drastic, but at least explain.”

Relied and gratefulness shines in his eyes and he clasps your hands gratefully between his own. Your attention is momentarily caught by the way his large hands dwarf your own. The bony prominences of his knuckles catch your attention- they shift and glide beneath his skin as his grip around your hand tightens. For some reason, the tiny action seems huge. You lift your gaze slowly to meet his eyes, which are round and warm. 

“My name is Taehyung.” He explains. “And I’m a Christmas Spirit.”

“Christmas Spirit?” You echo in bewilderment. Taehyung nods eagerly and sits forward. He pulls his legs together so that he can sit cross-legged and wraps his hands around his ankles. 

“Yup!” He says, and he’s surprisingly nonchalant despite the supernatural implications of his statement. “We’re beings that come about from the magic of the season. And our job is to spread Christmas cheer to whoever welcomes us into their home.”

As if that’s just a normal thing that someone can spring on you and not expect you to panic! Yet he announces it like he’s a five year old excited to explain the drawing he made of you in school that day. All you can really manage is to nod mutely for a moment. Despite the absurdity of his words, it certainly sounds like what you had done- taken a tacky, unwanted Christmas decoration and welcomed it into your home. 

“And that’s you, (Y/N).” He says warmly, and the way he says your name is so fond. Like you’re his oldest, most valued friend. It startles you- you don’t think you’ve ever had the syllables of your name pronounced with such care, like they are a precious gift. “You are the first human to ever welcome me into your home. All my friends eventually found people to take them, and I’m the last one to remain. I’ve never gotten to fulfil my duty, not even once.”

“Why not?” You croak out. Why was there a random little christmas ornament in Seokjin’s store that held this kind of power? Why did it end up with you? Who was this mysterious man in your house, gazing at you like you’re the best thing to ever happen to him?

“Well, it’s probably not hard to tell.” He admits, rubbing awkwardly at the back of his neck and then adjusting the santa’s hat atop his head. “Not many people want a Christmas-themed Scarecrow for a decoration. At least not around here.” He sighs. But then he turns to you and his gaze is bright. It’s a little blinding, his mega-watt smile, and it’s certainly overwhelming to have the full force of it directed at you. “But you gave me a chance! You took me home!”

“So... you spread Christmas cheer for me? What does that even mean? What happens when you finish?” You say, leaning back just a little to give yourself room to breath. His scent fills your nostrils and it’s overwhelming. A pleasant mix of christmas scents- gingerbread, cinammon, peppermint. It sits thick in the back of your throat like the pleasant burn of a hot, sweet drink. 

He looks surprised at the line of questioning and a frown replaces the warm, glowing look he’d borne just moments earlier. 

“Well, I’m not sure. I suppose when I finish then you put me away for a year or you pass me on to someone else.” He admits. “This is my first time, so I’m still learning the ropes.” He’s a little sheepish as he admits it. But then his gaze lights up again and he pulls himself up onto the couch so that he can sit shoulder-to-shoulder with you. “But spreading Christmas cheer is just helping you enjoy the season! You haven’t had a great experience with Christmas, right? I can help!”

You stiffen as you recall earlier that day; you had essentially aired all your dirty laundry to what you’d thought was an inanimate object. Taehyung now knew more about you than even some of your closest friends did. You’d unintentionally opened up and made yourself vulnerable to some guy you hardly knew. The thought has you recoiling. You’re not against the idea of opening up- certainly when people ask the right questions, you’ll answer honestly. But people rarely ask and you’ve never volunteered. No one has has access to every dirty detail like Taehyung now does. 

And for some reason that thought has you terrified.

“I’m... I don’t mean to burst your bubble, Taehyung.” You volunteer quietly. Taehyung stiffens at the tone of your voice. “You seem like a nice enough guy. Or spirit. Or scarecrow. Whatever you are. And I hope that one day you’ll find someone you can give lots of Christmas cheer to. But I didn’t sign up for this. I don’t want any of it- the “Christmas cheer” or the festivities, or anything. I’m just...” you inhale deeply. “I’m just trying to make the most of what I have.” 

You get to your feet, your back facing him. 

“You can stay the night, but I’ll take you back to Jin in the morning. I’ll see if I can convince any of my friends to take you, if you like.”

A slight tug on the sleeve of your jumper stops you from leaving. You glance down at your wrist. Taehyung has just the tip of your sleeve, pinched between his fingers. It’s not enough pressure to stop you from leaving. The slightest tug would liberate you from his grasp and you’d be free to go back to your room. 

“No one else will.” He admits quietly. There’s a sort of heart-aching tone to his voice that makes that tiny grip feel like he’s handcuffed to you. “I waited for five years in that store. I’d sit in a box for eleven months of the year, and hope that this year would be the one someone chose me and every day of December that passed I’d watch people walk right past me. And before that, I was passed around from store to store. People would keep me in the store until they realised I’d never sell and then they’d palm me off to someone else. They didn’t even have the guts to get rid of me. And I’d watch as the objects around me got chosen. They got sent to good homes. But never me. I have waited twenty five christmases for someone to let me in. You’re the first.” He quietly admits. He hasn’t changed or adjusted his grip on your sleeve. Just that tenuous, fragile grip, that little bit of hope that can be snapped at any moment keeps you in place. “Please.” He breathes. 

You stare at his fingers, at the tacky cuffs of his sleeve, at his hopeful, pleading expression. 

You don’t have to do this. He’s asking you, but he won’t force you. You can say no and have the bleary, lonely Christmas you’d originally planned. You can keep pushing everyone away and forever allow Christmastime to be a holiday of heartbreak for you. 

Or you could let this random Christmas Scarecrow and his sparkly, bright eyes into your home.

“Ok.” You finally say. “My work hasn’t shut down yet so I’m gonna be super busy for the next few weeks. But in between you can give it a go.”

The answering smile he gives you in turn has your heart fluttering in anticipation. 

Maybe Christmas won’t be so bad this year.

++

Although you had had every intention of welcoming Taehyung into your home and applying yourself to the festivities as best you could, your workplace dials everything up to eleven over the next few days, just as predicted. Taehyung, to his credit, doesn’t whine or complain. He spends most of the day while you are at work in his scarecrow-form or binging netflix on your account and he spends his evenings stretched on the couch, or beaming at you over dinner. It’s kind of like having a loyal golden retriever to come home to, but maybe with better manners.

It’s actually kind of pleasant. You occasionally catch him humming Christmas tunes and he keeps leaving his Santa hat in strange places but otherwise he’s a rather nonintrusive roommate. He even makes you dinner on occasion and he’s not a terrible cook.

 It’s only as the weekend approaches and you’re contemplating how to spend it that it occurs to you that Taehyung hasn’t left the house once. It’s not like he can just wonder down the street in his scarecrow outfit- it’s not exactly designed to withstand subzero temperature. And you’ve been so slammed at work that it never occurred to you that you’d essentially let the poor guy stay with you and then left him to the equivalent of house arrest.

“Do you do much during the week?” You ask Taehyung across dinner that night. You had quickly learned that he does need to eat and shower and sleep like every human but he can stave it off by staying in his scarecrow form, and so dinner time had just become a shared meal most evenings. He had even waited in his scarecrow form for you to get back on the days you had finished late that week. He pauses through a mouthful of pasta and looks up, cheeks bulging. 

“Not much.” He confesses, after a noisy swallow. “I don’t really have anywhere to go.” He reminds you. 

Guilt churns in your stomach and sours your dinner. You had promised him you’d give him a chance, and yet here you were a week later, making him fend for himself in an unfamiliar and empty apartment with nothing to do but watch netflix and raid your pathetic excuse of a pantry.

“Right.” You sigh, thoroughly chastened. “I... forgot. I’m sorry- work just hit me really hard.”

“It’s fine.” Taehyung dismisses. “It’s my job to entertain you, not the other way round!”

You stir awkwardly at your food, still unable to dispel the guilt.

“Even so... we could go somewhere tomorrow, if you want? I have the weekend off.” You offer as nonchalantly as you can. “If you’re here for the rest of the month, you’ll need clothes. And proper bedding. We can pick that stuff up and then do some other things.” 

He positively beams at your offer and it’s jarring. You aren’t used to such joy at such simple things. It’s so easy to win a smile from him, but rather than make his smiles seem meaningless, it just seems to make them brighter. You’re not used to earning such easy affection for so little and it leaves you unsure what to do with yourself.

“Really?” He questions eagerly. “The whole day?”

You duck your head slightly to disguise your fluster. You’re not even sure why your heart seems to race at his smile. Perhaps because you’ve never seen such a beautiful person smile quite like that. 

“The whole day.” You reassure him. “I can make up for this week- I really didn’t mean to ignore you like this.”

Taehyung shakes his head. 

“Don’t be silly!” He scolds you. “You told me that work would be busy. It just means we have to make your weekend even more enjoyable to make up for a missed week.”

He gets abruptly to his feet, wiping pasta sauce from the corner of his mouth. 

“Oh, I have so much to plan! Can I borrow your laptop? I have to plan our day!” He asks. A little startled, you merely nod at him in bewilderment and he grins determinedly to himself. “Ok! My first day on the job. Here I go.”

He storms off and then performs a quick u-turn. 

“After I clean up my dishes.” He recalls sheepishly. 

The next morning you shuffle into your kitchen a bit bleary-eyed and still in your pyjamas. Taehyung never seems to be tired or grumpy no matter what time of day it is, and so it’s not surprise that he’s up and humming to himself as he cooks breakfast for the two of you. 

He hears you shuffle in the kitchen and glances over his shoulder to smile at you and it catches you off-guard for some reason. You’ve gotten used to him cooking meals, to his singing, even to just his general presence, but you can’t seem to get used to the way he seems to just smile so easily. Something about the way the wintery sun streams in through the windows and catches the tips of his hair and gilding the sharp edges of his handsome face is just ethereal. You can believe he’s not a human in that moment- he’s too gorgeous to be one.

“You’re up!” He cheers. You shake your head to try and rid yourself of your strange thoughts and shuffle forward to scrutinise the breakfast he’s preparing. 

“I’m making a Christmas classic.” He informs you when he notices you attempting to peer over his shoulders. “At least, according to her.” He gestures to your ipad on the counter, where he has one of those food blogs run by stay-at-home mums that write essays on their blogs instead of the actual recipes. This one seems to have a picture of tacky santas made from pancakes and whipped cream. 

Looking at Taehyung’s progress so far, it actually looks fairly similar to the picture, but that’s not saying that much considering the quality of the picture. 

“Isn’t that like cannabalism for you? Isn’t eating Santa basically eating your coworker?” You point out. Taehyung laughs, a full-bodied laugh that makes his eyes curl up into little crescent moons. 

“He’s actually my boss more than my coworker. But he loves Santa-themed decorations. He says it makes him feel jolly.” He tells you. 

There’s a lot to unpack there and so you choose to ignore it by occupying yourself with the cleanup. 

“So I was thinking that we can get some clothes for you today and maybe some other necessities if you’re going to be staying here all month.” You inform him. Taehyung nods distractedly, gently nudging one of the santa pancakes onto a plate. He reaches for a bowl of blueberries, arranging them into eyes and then spraying whipped cream in the shape of a beard. It kind of seems like he’s not very interested in your schedule for the day.

“Tadaa!” He exclaims, showing off his creation. He then reaches for a blueberry and pops it in his mouth. “They’re not bad for frozen fruits.” 

“Looks great.” You praise him. “But the plan for today-“

“(Y/N).” Taehyung cuts you off. He looks a little stern, but there’s still a warmth to his expression that softens the harsh edges. “I told you I’d plan today. It’s my job to make your Christmas season enjoyable. I’m not here for you to babysit- got it?”

Chastened and surprised, you nod meekly. He grins. 

“Good. Now open up.” He says, brandishing a blueberry menacingly between his fingertips at you. Your eyes widen.

“But Tae-“ you protest, and he’s shoved the blueberry into your mouth before you can finish your counterargument. This time, when he smiles, it’s a little smug.

“No “buts”.” He sighs. “Just sit down and enjoy breakfast and trust me. We can pick up some

clothes since the Christmas overalls are a bit weird, but after that, then I take over. Ok?” He demands, and you chew through the blueberry, a little disconcerted.

“Ok.” You finally agree reluctantly. 

Breakfast is a peaceful affair, with the two of you enjoying the pancakes. Cleaning up with Taehyung is almost domestic- there’s something pleasant about having him stand shoulder to shoulder with you, drying the dishes as you wash them. 

Outside is a frigid affair- it hasn’t quite hit the point where it’s snowing outside, but temperatures are definitely creeping lower and lower and Taehyung nearly glows blue in the short sprint to your car. You fix it by blasting the heater the second the two of you are safely secured in the vehicle. 

“So, if you’re planning the agenda for today, what are we doing after we grab you some clothes?” You ask conversationally. Taehyung pauses from where he’s flicking through your phone, scrutinising your spotify playlist like he’s studying it for an exam. He looks up, his eyebrows still furrowed in concentration. 

“Well, I called in a favour from an old friend and booked us a free Christmas bauble painting workshop.” He announces, looking pleased with him. You squint at him and grimace just a little. 

“I don’t know if you know this, Taehyung, but I am terrible at drawing. I’m so bad that in highschool all these kids signed a petition to ban me from it.” You say, completely serious. He stares at you, bewildered for a moment. 

“Surely it can’t be that bad?” He wonders aloud. You just shake your head grimly at him.

One shopping trip later, Taehyung discovers that it is, in fact, that bad. 

“What did Rudolph ever do to deserve this?” He questions in abject horror. You feel your cheeks heat as you curl your hands protectively over your glass bauble. 

“It’s not that bad!” You insist. And then you hesitate. “Is it?”

Taehyung pries your fingers back to expose your masterpiece- splotchy brown paint, sparkles, and a lovely dollop of red paint in the centre. 

“(Y/N).” He says seriously. “It looks like someone walks into Santa’s stable, massacred all the reindeer and then scattered glitter over the scene of the crime.”

You squint at your painting, and, depressingly enough, his description is more accurate than what it’s meant to be. It was meant to be Rudolph, smiling happily through the glass of the bauble. 

“Forget it.” You snap, setting the glass bauble down and moving to get up. “This is stupid, anyway- we still have to pick up a mattress protector for your bed.”

“Wait!” He laughs, grabbing at your sleeve before you can make a hasty retreat. A firm tug from his has you landing back in your seat, face to face with the awful paint spill you call a painting. “I’m sorry! Just relax, ok? This is supposed to be fun.”

“I’m not having fun.” You sniff. “I told you I wasn’t good at painting and now you’re laughing at me.”

Taehyung winces. 

“Well... it’s not totally unsalvageable.” He finally compromises. He picks up the bauble, examining it for a moment. And then he picks up the paintbrush, and with quick, precise strokes of his paintbrush, he morphs the brown splotch formally known as Rudolph into a sort of sleigh-shape, and the red-splotch is rounded into the curve of Santa’s belly. “There.” He says, satisfied. You blink in wonder at the new creation. It’s still a little ugly and a little streaky, but it definitely doesn’t look like someone went on a Christmas-killing spree. “How’s that? Now you just have to decorate the sleigh an add sparkles. Surely you can’t mess that up.”

“You underestimate me.” You deadpan at him, and to your surprise, he snorts with laughter. A couple of the other people painting baubles glare at you, and Taehyung merely offers them a merry grin. 

“There used to be an elf like you at Santa’s workshop. No matter what he did, he’s somehow always mess up painting the toys.” Taehyung recalls, shaking his head fondly. “The two of you would get along.”

It’s the second time he’s mentioned it, and this time you can’t keep your curiosity at bay. 

“So... does that mean you’ve met with Santa? The Northpole and all that is a thing?” You ask. Taehyung nods. 

“It sure is! It’s where all Christmas Spirits grow up. We get raised there and taught about the best ways to spread Christmas cheer and then we get sent out to spread the cheer.” He sighs warmly. “I was top of my class.”

You grimace as you picture it. Dozens of Christmas Scarecrows, sitting at tables, studying books on how to paint the perfect Christmas bauble. 

“And so you just... get kicked out after a certain age? They raise you and send you out to sit on a shelf for eleven months of the year and then follow silly Christmas traditions for the last one?” You question him, and for a moment you’re horrified by the loneliness of such an existence. “Wouldn’t you... just get sick of Christmas? Spending your life only ever being in Christmas mode?”

“I wouldn’t know.” Taeyung reminds you as he sprinkles glitter over his painting of a snowman. He doesn’t seem particularly bothered by the idea, but you feel like he’s slapped you. “This is my first official Christmas on the job, remember? I haven’t had a chance to get sick of it yet.”

That makes you go silent. 

Taehyung seems to pick up on the way the mood has shifted. He stops detailing the buttons of his snowman painting and glances at you. Your eyes are wide and slightly misty.

He’s never felt particularly sorry for himself. Sure, the many years he’s spent gathering dust on a shelf have been lonely. He missed his friends, and all he could ever dream of was getting to sit on a mantle as he watched a family enjoy Christmas. That would be the closest he’d ever get, and that’s been his dream for so long. 

But for some reason, with you looking at him like that, the ache that he’s sought so hard to push down resurfaces. It’s like a damn breaking; it’s soothing. To have someone look at him and actually be acknowledging how hard and lonely and painful what he went through was. 

“I’m ok now.” He reassures you, though his voice is a little hoarse. The sheen to his eyes is a little less brilliant, and your heart aches for him as you process the twenty-five year wait that Taehyung has endured. “After all, someone welcomed me into their home, right?”

You blink- that someone is you. You’ve welcomed Taehyung into your home. Christmas is perhaps even lonelier for Taehyung than it is for you, and yet all he seems to want to do is make it enjoyable for you. 

You duck your head, distracting yourself by stirring the tip of your paintbrush in the bright red paint. 

“I guess so.” You finally say. You offer him a tentative smile. “I guess I have a responsibility to make this your best Christmas ever, then.” You resolve. 

Taehyung is silent for such a prolonged moment that you’re forced to face him again to ensure he hasn’t died. When you do, what you find is him gaping at you like a Christmas tree just sprouted from between your eyebrows. 

“What?” You question, a little defensively. It’s hard to interpret the look on his face. 

He shakes himself, coming back to his senses. 

“Nothing.” He reassures you. “I just realised that you’re a bit rare to smile, is all.”

Something about the look in his eyes has you feeling flustered- your fingers tremble enough that you knock over the glitter and it spills across Taehyung’s newly bought trousers. You get up quickly, horrified, but he laughs it off. 

“I think we’ve done enough damage to these baubles.” He says with a warm smile. “We still have things to buy, right?”

The rest of the day passes in a blur. Taehyung drags you from store to store, excited by the smallest things. He stares at a Christmas-themed hot chocolate for so long that you end up having to buy it for him. The look of gratefulness in his eyes is unparalleled and almost makes up for the fact that you literally have to plead with him to buy actual clothes and not just ridiculous Christmas Sweaters. In the evening, you wonder the shopping district, appreciating the lights that line the main street in brilliant arrays. 

When you slump down on your couch beside Taehyung that night, showered and ready for bed, you’re exhausted to the bones. Oddly, it’s not the same kind of tiredness you feel after a long week at work or after you’ve had a long argument with your mother. Instead, it’s a satisfying fatigue- like you’ll drift off quickly and dream of christmas lights and children’s laughter. 

“How did I do for my first day?” Taehyung yawns from where he is sprawled on the couch in a similar position to you. 

“Good.” You say, turning your head to glance at him. The dim light of your living room softens the slope of his nose, and his dark eyes catch flashes of the light that makes it seem like his irises are tiny little galaxies. There’s something so inherently peaceful about the warmth of his presence beside yours .

“I’m glad.” He says, though his lashes flutter and you too find yourself fighting off the comforting waves of sleep. He shifts and turns his head so that his cheek rests against the couch and he gazes at you. “Hey (Y/N)?” He calls gently. 

Your eyes are closed by this state. 

“Hmm?” You hum, in acknowledgement of his statement. He’s quiet for a moment before he ask.

“Why did you want to spend Christmas alone?” He asks. You blink open your eyes and look back at him. His gaze is steady and unwavering. But it’s not scolding or judgemental- instead he just seems curious. 

“You told me about your parent’s divorce and all their fighting on Christmas... but I heard the way you spoke to your mother on the phone too. You want to spend Christmas with her, don’t you? You just... can’t?” He asks. “You said you didn’t want the Christmas cheer... but you still took me home and decorated for Christmas. You painted the baubles and drank the hot cocoa and did the Christmas shopping... why do you pretend to hate it all?”

If it were anyone else, you would probably stop the conversation there. You have no interest in delving into your long, complex family history only to be met with looks of confusion, or worse, pity. 

But somehow, in the short space of a mere week, Taehyung has become someone you feel safe opening up to. Perhaps it’s because he’s already heard your whole story already. Or maybe because of the way he genuinely just wants to see you smile despite there being no substantial gain for him other than job satisfaction. Or because he’s proven himself trustworthy in the little ways he’s slotted himself into your life, like sharing meals. Whatever the reason, you don’t clam up like you usually do. 

“I don’t pretend to hate it.” You tell him softly. “I just got sick of trying to love it.”

Taehyung is silent for a long period of time. For a moment, it’s just the two of you, exhausted and sleepy. The weight of your confession hangs in the air, and the moment is strangely intimate. 

Then he smiles. 

“Then I’ll keep trying for you.” He promises. 

The two of you don’t manage to stay awake for much longer. Eventually the long day catches up to you- you drift off first, with one of those rare but peaceful smiles on your face, and Taehyung follows suit soon after.

++

The week that follows is one of the worst you’ve had in a while. You’re putting in ridiculous amounts of overtime and everyone is a little on edge from sheer exhaustion and the mounting stress of deadlines. 

And in that time, Taehyung is honestly a lifesaver. It’s remarkable, being able to come home from another hellish day at work to find him with dinner ready and a crappy Christmas movie set up. You spend your evenings laughing and unwinding. It’s not like you don’t have friends who will come rushing if you tell them you’ve had a bad day, but there’s something special about the way Taehyung does it. With bright smiles and easy laughs and an infectious joy that seems to chase the fatigue that plagues you away. 

It’s towards the end of the week that you hit your limit. You’re not really the type to cry much. You’ve always been fiercely independent, and your upbringing meant that you were the kind of child to retire to your room and work things out for yourself when you felt the need to cry. It’s not like crying ever really achieved anything. Maybe the occasional sad scene in a movie would get you, but usually you’re the kind to feel sad internally.

But after this particular day, you’re close to tears. Your boss had yelled at you, one of the major projects you had been working on just hit a major snag, and you found out your favourite coworker was leaving. 

All you can thing about as you walk in the door is spending another peaceful evening with Taehyung. You’ve been thinking that maybe it’s time to expand his taste past cheesy Christmas movies and had even made a list of films he may like during his lunch break. You swing open the door to your home, eagerly rushing in and calling out to Taehyung so that he knows you’re home. 

And that’s when your phone goes off. 

It’s your father, probably the last person you want to talk to right now. 

Unlike your mother, who at least was trying to make up for the ways she’s screwed up in your upbringing, your father has never acknowledged his part in their divorce. It was always what your mother did wrong, how she let him down, how it was because she changed and wanted different things. He was the kind of man who always wanted a big family, and he had adored your mother at first. But her pregnancy with you had been difficult and you had, admittedly, been a sickly child. She’s never outright said the words, but you suspect postpartum depression might have played a part in her downward spiral. Either way, she had resolved to have no further children after you, something your father was heavily against. 

You suppose it can’t have been easy- your father had been in love and the two of them had agreed on the kind of future they wanted together- the kind filled with children, a quiet suburban life not far from either of their parents. And for your mother to change so suddenly and drastically would have been devastating and incomprehensible to your father. 

Still, you can’t help the resentment and hurt you feel towards him. Why did you have to get caught in the crossfire of his heartbreak? And then the icing on the cake was his remarriage. 

His wife is a lovely woman. Coming into the marriage with three children of her own, she had treated you with the same love and kindness she expected of your father towards her children. Her children, however, were not bound to such conduct, and made it their personal mission to make your life a living hell. Perhaps they felt insecure over the fact that your father was related to you by blood and they weren’t.

Either way, it put him in a difficult position- perhaps he felt he couldn’t tell them to back off without it coming across as favouritism. But he could have done something- spoken to his wife, or chosen you before the family he married into. But he didn’t. He ignored it and turned a blind eye and to this day he continues to pretend that things are normal. Especially after the birth of your half-sibling.

“Hi.” You say, as you answer the phone. Taehyung has stepped into the entryway with you, watching curiously as you answer the phone. 

“Hi sweetheart!” Your dad calls on the other side of the line. You wince at the unwelcome nickname.

“To... to what do I owe the pleasure?” You ask. You can hear a loud racket in the background. Its probably your half-sister. She’s always been on the louder side, even as a baby. 

“Nothing! I was just thinking it’s been a while since we last chatted. You haven’t been returning my calls.” You have no doubt the sadness in his voice is genuine, yet somehow it feels insincere. 

“I’ve just been really busy at work.” You lie, rather than admit you had seen the missed calls from him and not even bothered to listen to the messages he left. “I haven’t had a chance to call you back.”

“Right... right. No, that’s fine. I’m sure your very busy.” He rushes to reassure you. “I was just calling because your mother contacted me. She was hoping I could convince you to spend Christmas with us.”

You stiffen at the familiar topic. You had thought it had been a little too quiet on her end. Perhaps she had thought that if she couldn’t convince you to come home, maybe your father could. She’s always had this idea in her head that maybe you aren’t close to her because you prefer your father, and it’s not like she can handle having a long enough conversation with him to find out she’s wrong. It’s surprising she even managed to let him know your plans for Christmas. 

“It’s fine. Like I told mum, I’d really much rather spend it here this year. Besides, I thought you all were going away for Christmas this year? We already spent Christmas together last year.” You say, pointedly trying to remind him that Christmas isn’t even a yearly thing with him. He does the contractual every-second-year with you, and then plans fun events with his family on the years he isn’t stuck babysitting. 

“That’s true. But that’s why I’m calling! It took a bit of convincing, but there’s a spot on this trip with your name on it, if you want it.” He tells you. He almost sounds excited, like he’s really done something thoughtful and kind. Not just made some last-minute attempts to shoehorn you in. The invite hadn’t been there to start with, after all. It’s only as an afterthought that he’s made any attempt to add you in- a chance to pretend like things are good. Like the two of you aren’t on rocky terms the rest of the year. Like you’re close enough to go on holidays with your stepfamily. 

“I think I’m fine dad.” You finally say. Taehyung is watching the expressions play across your face with mild curiosity. He probably can’t hear your father’s voice on the other line, but he can see the anger on your face, and hear the wobble to your tone. “You have fun on your trip. I’ll make do here.”

There’s a beat of silence and you hear your father sigh. You grimace- that’s his pre-scolding sigh. The sigh he gives before any lecture he thinks you’ve earned. As if he has any parental claim to scolding you. 

“(Y/N),” your father begins. “It’s Christmas. Don’t be like this- you should be spending time with your family-“

“I did.” You cut him off, and you surprise yourself with the way tears fill your eyes. You squint, trying to keep them at bay. Taehyung watches with alarm as he registers the way you are on the verge of crying. “I spent every year. With you and mum. And then you and then mum and then you and then mum. I tried for so. damn. long. to do the family Christmas thing, but all it ever ended in was the two of you letting me down. Mum was too drunk or you were too busy. And yeah, maybe you guys were going through your own stuff. But don’t you dare try and tell me that Christmas is about family because if that’s what family is, I don’t want it. At least if I spend Christmas alone, neither of you can let me down.” You snarl into the phone line. 

Your father is silent after your outburst. Taehyung watches you, waiting for your response. 

And the tears finally spill forth, rolling down your cheeks. 

“Well, if that’s how you feel, then I won’t stop you.” Your father finally says. He sounds hurt, as if you’re the one who’s hurt him. “I guess we’ll see you in the new year. Your sister’s birthday is coming up and Rachel wants to have a big party since she’s ten this year.” 

“I’ll see you then.” You say, your throat raspy and your voice small. 

You’ve barely hung up the call before two strong arms have wrapped around your figure. You go stiff in Taehyung’s arms. This is probably the first time he’s hugged you, and it isn’t unpleasant. Instead, the scent of gingerbread and peppermint fills your nose and it’s strangely soothing. You shift and turn your head just slightly so that your face is buried into the soft cream of his jumper, one of the fresh purchases from the other day. 

“You can cry if you like.” He tells you, and you feel the words rumble from deep in his chest. “I won’t look.” He promises. “That was painful for me to hear, and it’s not even my dad- if you want to cry, then cry.” His voice cracks on the end of his sentence, and you abruptly realise that Taehyung is crying. He’s known you for just a short couple of weeks, and the only nice thing you’ve done for him is not drop a tacky Christmas Scarecrow back into a box of junk, and yet he’s crying just from hearing your half of a painful phone call. 

Perhaps it’s the permission you need. For all of the long, lonely years you were stuck in the middle of feuding exes, you never gave yourself permission to cry. Instead, you’d retire to your room, pressing a pillow to your ears to drown out the sounds of screaming. 

For a long time, you just stand there, sobbing into Taehyung’s arms. He runs his hands soothingly over the back of your hair, and eventually the steady rise and fall of his breathing lulls you into a sense of peace. 

Taehyung is quick to act from there- before long, you are forcefully seated on your couch with a mug of hot chocolate and a blanket wrapped around your shoulders. Taehyung crouches before you, swiping at the tear trails on your cheeks with his thumbs. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asks cautiously. You grimace and shake your head. 

“It’s just the same old stuff.” You reassure him. “Long day at work; daddy issues; the usual standard.”

Taehyung smiles and settles himself beside you on the couch, tugging the blanket from your hands so that he can curl under it. 

“Good thing your personal Christmas Spirit is here to save the season.” He whispers conspiratorially. He leans forward towards the coffee table and grabs your iPad, before pulling it into the safe cocoon of your blanket. “I’ve been researching all day! Tomorrow’s your day off, so it’s week 2 of spreading Christmas cheer.” He announces, unlocking the iPad and scrolling through the internet page he has open. 

You nearly choke on your hot chocolate. 

“Taehyung,” you rasp. Your oesophagus is probably blistering as you speak. “That’s a page for date ideas. This stuff is all for couples.”

“We are a couple.” Taehyung answers, confused. He points to himself and then to you. “A couple of people.” And then he grins at you and you realise he was teasing. 

You snort and can’t hold back your laugh. Taehyung’s smile softens and he leans into your personal space. 

“There it is.” He remarks. Wonder fills his tone. “That lovely smile.” He taps the tip of your nose fondly. 

The smile slips off your face at his words. Lovely? Your smile? He thinks your smile is lovely?

A weird, electric feeling fills you at the thought, and you lean away from him quickly before your stupid heart can get any funny ideas. He didn’t mean anything by that compliment. He’s a Christmas Spirit- it’s literally his job to make you smile. You won’t overthink it and ruin this strange but precious arrangement you have going on. 

Taehyung, to his credit, doesn’t look hurt or uncomfortable at the way you’d blatantly pulled away from him. Instead, his smile widens. 

“Good idea. You gotta rest up those smiling muscles for tomorrow or you’ll get a cramp.” He tells you. He then gets up and and stretches, letting out a tremendous yawn. He glances over his shoulder at you with a wink. “Prepare yourself for the best day ever.”

++

Said “best day ever” begins with you staring listlessly up at your ceiling. Taehyung had talked big the night before, promising you a day of fun and enjoyment. 

But you just can’t picture it. You’ve spoken to coworkers and friends before, about the excitement of Christmas. How they see lights or hear carols or even smelling gingerbread triggers this warm, nostalgic and joyful feeling deep in their hearts. But you’ve always felt nothing. Christmas has always been just another day, to you. 

With a sigh, you roll out of bed. 

Out in your living room, Taehyung is fidgeting with your smart tv, trying to get it to play what looks like Mariah Carey’s rendition of “All I want for Christmas is you”. He’s mumbling to himself, and his santa’s hat droops lower and lower on his head. The little white pompom at the end brushes his nose, and the bright red strands of hair that peak out from beneath the cap stick out in every direction. 

Apart from the santa’s hat, he’s dressed remarkably stylishly. That had been a big surprise on your little outing the week before- his impeccable fashion taste. Today he’s wearing a soft, fuzzy red cardigan over a large white t-shirt and tan trousers. 

“The volume’s off.” You inform him. He starts, glancing at you in surprise, before confirming that he has accidentally managed to turn the volume all the way down. “You operate technology like a grandpa.”

Taehyung grins as you take the remote from him, adjusting the volume and selecting the song so that the familiar opening begins to chime through your speakers. 

“You say that like I didn’t catch you yelling at your printer two nights ago.” He chuckles. “Are you ready for our ultimate Christmas adventure?”

He must catch the way your guard goes up, because his smile softens from something amused into something more gentle and comforting.

“Nervous?” He asks. You hesitate, just a moment, before offering a terse nod. 

“Sorry.” You finally settle on. “I just... I’ve tried the “christmas cheer” thing. And it didn’t work Tae. I just feel like... Christmas is just another day.”

“That’s because it is just another day.” He reminds you. “But if you give it a chance, it can be more.”

 You bite your lip hesitantly, and he shakes his head. 

“What if you didn’t think about it like Christmas?” He asks. “How about, today is a day for me to cheer you up after a long week. We’re gonna do fun things and enjoy ourself because we want to. Does that sound doable?”

It does. It’s strangely reassuring and low pressure, and something about his words and the patient, warm light to his eyes puts you at ease. You don’t know why you feel so much pressure about enjoying Christmas but maybe it’s because you don’t want to let Taehyung down. He has so much riding on this Christmas and you don’t want to be the person who ruins Christmas for him. Who makes its a tedious, miserable event like your parents did for you. 

And maybe a small part of you wants to enjoy the season for you. To claim back the years lost to misery and fighting and to share in the merriment that everyone else holds.

“Ok.” You finally agree. “Lead the way.”

Taehyung beams in response. 

First on the agenda seems to be in the park in the centre of your city. Not every year in this place has a white Christmas- some Christmases are just cold and muddy, with a thin layer of ice over dirty pavements. This particular Christmas has been quite frosty, and quite early on- the first snowfall had been earlier that week and now a thick layer of snow coats the ground and clings to thick winter coats. 

“Tadaa!” Taehyung proclaims, waving a hand out towards your first activity of the day. An open carriage, decked out in sleigh bells, and two gorgeous white horses, standing tall and sleek in their crystalline surroundings. 

You creep closer, and their handler spots you. He’s a cheerful man in a formal suit, offset by the bright red santa hat atop his head. He matches Taehyung, who seems reluctant to part with his beloved accessory no matter the time of day.

“You must be (Y/N),” the old man cheers, crowding closer. His horses snort and stamp their feet at his excitement, but he pays them no mind, instead skittering forward to greet you. “Taehyung has told me all about you! Come, get yourself seated and we’ll begin the tour.”

You glance at Taehyung, who merely shoos you encouragingly towards the carriage. 

“How did you afford this?” You hiss at him. He shrugs and smiles. 

“Christmas spirits have connections.” He whispers, before placing a hand on either side of your waist. You smother a yelp as you feel him practically lift you up the first step, and it doesn’t take you much encouragement to scramble onto your seat from there. It’s a vain attempt to distract yourself from the feeling of his large hands encircling your waist. 

“All seated?” Your guide questions. Taehyung nods as he scoots in close to you and that’s really all the warning you get before the carriage lurches forward. 

You steady yourself with a yelp, and an arm around you from Taehyung keeps you upright. You glance at him in surprise and are momentarily caught off-guard by his profile. A thin, delicate smattering of snowflakes has been caught on the breeze and they catch on his hair and lashes. The tip of his nose has gone endearingly red in the cold. 

He turns his gaze when he feels your stare and he grins. 

“Enjoying the sights?” He wonders innocently. You grimace and look away. He merely laughs. “Let me explain to you the logic behind our first activity of the day. First of all, it came as a package with the activity my friend got me for free. Secondly, I thought that it might help you see how little perspective can make the things you see every day so much more special.” He finishes his explanation by pointing an arm across you to gesture at the scenery of the park. He’s right; you’ve seen this scenery hundreds of times, across all seasons, but there’s something special about it in the moment. The warmth of families, covered in thick, puffy jackets, the flutter of chilly snowflakes against your skin, the sheen of frost over the pond on the far end of the park. It’s all familiar and yet in that moment, surrounded by the glimmering sound of sleigh-bells and the stead thud of horse shoes against the pavement, the park you’ve known since moving to this city is different, magical. 

The carriage pulls to a stop beside a crowded pavillion. On the other side, you can glimpse people taking advantage of the outdoor figure skating rink thats set up in the park over winter. 

“Is this our second stop?” You ask Taehyung, as he helps you alight from the carriage. Oddly, though he grasps your hand as he helps you down, he doesn’t release it once you’re on solid ground. Instead, he keeps his fingers wrapped around yours as he waves farewell to the carriage driver. 

“You guessed it!” He congratulates you. “Stop number two; appreciating the fun of winter! Nothing screams winter wonderland like a figure skating rink.”

“Can you skate?” You ask him as he leads you to the skate rental counter. 

“No?” He asks. “But how hard can it be, right? It looked really easy on all the videos I watched in preparation.”

A short while later, you get to bear witness to Taehyung learning just how hard figure skating can be. 

“It’s just like walking.” You attempt to soothe him, all the while wincing at the vice-like grip he has on your hands. “Just keep standing upright.”

“Have I always been this tall?” Taehyung breathes. He’s gone deathly pale, and you don’t think the cold is the reason behind it. “Why is the ground so far away?”

“You can do it.” You urge, still allowing him to cling onto your forearms like he’s about to plummet off a cliff edge and you are the only thing keeping him from certain death. “Come on, Tae.” 

He shoots up straight, eyes widening at the sudden nickname. Unfortunately, it’s the wrong move, because he topples forward, and the only thing keeping him from lying face-down on the ice is you. You’re toppling backwards before you can stop yourself. 

Taehyung yelps and you brace yourself for your head to impact against the hard ice, but it never comes. Instead your head lands in the firm cushion of Taehyung’s palm. Somehow, in the chaos of slipping, he’s landed on top of you but managed to stop you from banging your head. 

You blink open your eyes and for a moment, your senses are overwhelmed with the scent of peppermint and the warm brown of his eyes. He looks just as startled as you are. You feel your face heat and his breath puffs warm against your cheeks, contrasting the chill of the air.

“Maybe figure skating isn’t for me.” He volunteers sheepishly. 

You can’t help but offer a crooked smile. He’s so silly but it’s strangely endearing. He looks surprised at your smile, and it seems that’s the moment he abruptly realises the position you’re in. Quickly, he scrambles off you and helps you into a sitting position. 

“Sorry.” He says glumly. “I thought it would be fun, but clearly I overestimated myself.”

You get to your feet and offer a hand to help him get up. He looks nervously at your outstretched hand. 

“It is fun.” You reassure him. “And it can still be fun. Just hold on to me, and trust me ok?”

Something in his gaze softens and he accepts your outstretched hand. It takes a bit, but with an arm around his chest, you manage to stabilise him between yourself and the wall of the ice-skating rink. 

He peeks up at you through his bright red fringe. His santa’s hat sits lopsided on his head. The smile he gives you this time is different from all the other ones. It’s not as ecstatic or joy-filled. This one is more reserved, almost shy; you feel a bit like you’ve been punched in the chest for some reason when you see it. 

You stretch out your hands again, your hands flat and palms extended skywards, and he place one hand into each of your palms. Even through your thick gloves, your skin feels oddly warm when he holds you. 

Gently, you take slow, gliding steps backwards, while he follows with much smaller, much more jilted steps. 

“It’s just like walking, but smoother.” You explain, and the words are forced through a tight throat. Perhaps the cold is getting to you- that’s the only explanation you can think of for why you suddenly feel so short of breath. 

Taehyung nods, focussing hard on the ice. He gives a big exhale that releases in a huge, cloudy breath, and presses one foot forward. And then the other. It’s not long before he’s gliding along before you. 

“That’s it!” You cheer. “I’m going to let go of one hand now, ok? I can’t keep skating backwards or I’ll crash into someone.”

Taehyung looks a bit fearful, but then he nods with determination lighting his eyes. Slowly, you release one hand and spin so that you’re standing shoulder to shoulder with him. He still maintains a death grip on the hand that’s still grasping his, but he manages to stay upright and not go tipping forward. 

“Ok, here we go.” You say, and you take one step forward, followed by a second, and then a third and before you know it, you and Taehyung are drifting across the ice, albeit slowly and with lots of breaks to allow Taehyung to steady himself on the wall. 

It’s actually quite fun, and relaxing, gliding across the ice like this. Music crackles through the speakers, and the people around you are all enjoying themselves. Surrounded by the bright flurry of December snow, it’s easy to smile and let loose and enjoy the season. 

Eventually, the cold does manage to catch up with you, but Taehyung’s quick to press on to the next scheduled activity before you can feel too sad that the ice skating is over. 

He crowds you off the ice, eagerly urging you forward with a hand planted on either shoulder.

“Hurry! We’re going to be late!!” He informs you. You deliberately slow down at that and he gets so huffy and impatient at your silliness that you find yourself laughing. 

After warming yourselves up with a hot chocolate and some lunch in the warmth of a well-heated cafe, it’s starting to get a bit dark by the time Taehyung leads you to your final activity. He refuses to say what it is- instead he leads you in an increasingly convoluted route on public transport. He gets more and more amused the more unfamiliar with your destination you become, and by the time you step off the bus on the snowy outskirts of the city, you’re starting to think the whole Christmas Spirit thing was an act designed to murder you in a forest somewhere.

Particularly when he claps a hand over each eye, obscuring your vision. 

“Taehyung,” you sigh. “If this is how you’re going to murder me, can’t you at least let me see the knife coming?”

“I’m not going to murder you.” He scoffs, though with gentle pressure, he leads you forward, his chest pressed protectively to your back. “I just want to surprise you.”

“I’m very easily surprised.” You remind him. “I don’t need to be blind in a forest to be surprised. Just give me a box of chocolates after a long day of work or something.”

“Hush.” He shushes you. “Just walk, and trust me.”

You take a deep, inhaling breath and your lungs fill with what has become the calming, warm scent of peppermint and cinnamon. It’s Taehyung, you remind yourself. He’s had plenty of opportunity to hurt you or scam you or even kill you but instead all he’s done is wait eagerly for you to return home and watch tacky Christmas movies with you. 

“Ok.” He says, against your ear, and you shiver at the heat of his mouth tickling the cold tips of your ears. “Are you ready?”

Words fail you for some mysterious reason, so you settle for nodding mutely. 

Taehyung drops his hands from your eyes and it takes you a few blinks to adjust to the sudden onslaught of light. 

What lies before you is a long, brightly lit pathway. Market stalls line the paths, with vendors brandishing their wares. Fairly lights string across the stalls, in various tones ranging from warm-toned white lights to festive blues, greens, reds. Overhead, brilliant archways decorated with marvellous, intricate arrays of Christmas lights mark the path.

“What... what is this, Tae?” You breathe. Your chest hurts a little and this time you’re willing to admit that it has nothing to do with the cold. 

“This is the Annual Christmas Markets.” He announces proudly. “Brought to you by your local council and sponsored by Subway (sandwiches not included).”

You take hesitant, wondering steps forward. You don’t really have any words for the strange, ballooning feeling in your chest. Like your heart is so full it’s about to burst. You feel on the verge of tears yet at the same time you feel free and light and happy. 

“It’s so... pretty.” You say. Taehyung beams and steps in close so that he’s shoulder to shoulder with you. 

“Pretty magical, huh?” He asks you. “I found it on google! Did you know the city throws this event every year?”  

You shake your head wonderingly. 

“I had no idea.” You admit. He tilts his head towards the festivities.

“Then let’s explore!” He cries, tugging you forward with a hand wrapped around yours.

There’s lots to do around the markets. There’s christmas light sculptures scattered around, like a scavenger hunt of sorts. Taehyung’s favourite is the one of a santa formed from wires twisted together, skiing across the snow on a sleigh, two reindeers are standing tall. Your favourite is probably a tunnel of lights, tightly woven together to create an archway as people weave through it- you like the way it turns Taehyung’s bright red hair into brilliant licks of flames, and how his eyes look like they hold the entire night sky within their depths. 

There’s a mulled wine stall, although Taehyung pulls a face at the taste and you have to buy him a hot chocolate to get him to forgive you. 

“I just don’t understand how anyone can dislike Christmas carols!” Taehyung protests across his hot chocolate as the night progresses. You’re nearing the edge of the market stalls, which open up onto a big open space, paved with asphalt and with the snow scraped off it where various families and groups of people are starting to gather. Most of them are in parked vehicles, all facing towards a central stage that hasn’t been lit up yet. 

“If you talk to anyone who works in retail, they just get repetitive after a while.” You explain. “I mean, “Last Christmas” is a good song in theory, but not after the six repeats that played before your lunch break.” 

Taehyung “tsk”’s and shakes his head. 

“I think you just have the wrong associations with the songs.” He sighs. “If you associate it with work and bad things, of course you won’t like it! You have to make positive memories and think of those when you hear the songs.”

The stage lights up ahead of you and a small band starts to take the stage. You gaze at the performers as they prepare.

“Any suggestions?” You ask softly. You surprise yourself, and when you look at Taehyung, he looks a little stunned to. “To make positive memories. What should I think of instead, when I hear those songs?”

He searches your gaze for a moment, and then the corner of his mouth quirks in a little half smile. 

“Follow me.” He urges, leading you across the asphalt towards the stage. You have to duck between parked cars where people have makeshift little dens to enjoy the show from. He brings you to a stop where there’s a bit of a space just before the stage. A few couples have already taken advantage of what is essentially a dance floor. He spins around and pulls you in close. You stumble a little, not expecting the movement, but it seems he was expecting that. He steadies you with a hand against your waist and tugs one of your free arms up to rest on his shoulder. “When you hear this song... you can think about today.” He tells you with a smile. “And about all the fun we had!”

He begins to sway you back and forth in a slow turn. You wonder why his weird Christmas Spirit school taught him how to slow dance. Up on the stage, the singer begins to croon the opening notes of “have yourself a merry little christmas”. You tell yourself its the cold that urges you to shuffle in closer to Taehyung as he sways you from side to side. He’s so warm, and solid. Unbidden, your heart starts to beat a little faster, and when you raise your eyes to meet his, something about the warmth in those dazzling depths has you feeling light-headed. 

“What do you think about when you hear them?” You ask him, changing the subject in an attempt to overcome the strange, overwhelming emotion you suddenly feel weighted with. He spins you out in a twirl, before tugging you back in. 

“Hmm...” he contemplates. “I think about hot chocolates, and snowball fights, and the smell of Christmas trees. And Christmas lights and Christmas bells.” He lists, his gaze hazy as he thinks through his list. It’s a bit of a scary thought, but you could honestly stay here forever, watching Taehyung list the things he loves, being swayed gently in his arms. And then he glances down at you and there’s something so warm and fond in his expression that you feel your face heat. “And I think about your smile.”

A funny thing happens in that moment, after his confession. Your heart goes on strike for a moment- even she seems shocked at the sudden turn of events. And then suddenly the air is electric, and all your senses are just filled with Taehyung. His smell, his eyes, his hair, his warmth... his lips.

It’s a sudden revelation, like being struck by lightening. The look in his eyes seems to thread into your veins, leaving burning trails in its wake. His scent washes into the very bottom of your lungs. You like him. In a very short amount of time, he’s wiggled past all your defences and now here you are, standing in his arms, and you realise you want to stay there. You want to keep seeing his smile and keep spending time with him and you don’t want this Christmas to end. 

The songs draws to a close and you step away from his embrace. He seems to sense your sudden change in mood. 

“Is everything ok?” He asks you and you nod, smiling in a way you hope is reassuring. 

“Yeah. I just noticed how cold it’s getting, is all. Shall we head back home?” You ask. Taehyung blinks and glances around as if he’s just now realising how cold it is. He shivers and steps in close to you. 

“Yeah, you’re right.” He admits. “Let’s head home.” He wraps his arms around you, rubbing his hands up and down your biceps to try and warm you up. “Did you have fun, though?” He asks eagerly. 

“Yeah.” You say, and this time the smile isn’t forced. “Yeah, I did.”

++

A week later, you’re stressed and bustling around the kitchen like a madwoman. 

“Is it golden brown yet or is it just the oven light?” Taehyung wonders, attempting to peer into your oven without opening the door. “Are you sure we shouldn’t just check now?”

Your realisation of your feelings hadn’t changed too much around the apartment. As work for the year finally drew to a close this week, you hadn’t really had a chance to overthink it, and then you’d been busy planning a pre-Christmas dinner upon learning that Taehyung has always wanted to try a family Christmas dinner. You’d insisted upon throwing one despite his protests that he was the Christmas Spirit, not you. Finally, he had relented, and you were keen to return all the memories he had given you tenfold. 

Only a couple of your friends had still been without plans, this late into December. Jin always manages to make time where food is involved, and Dahyun had had to cancel flights back home for the year. She’s also dragging along an old friend of hers, Jungkook, and then Nayeon had invited Namjoon and Jihyo. They’re all good friends of yours, but there’s something about organising a home-cooked Christmas meal that is just inherently stressful.

“The recipe says another ten minutes.” You remind Taehyung in between your attempts to both whip the cream for dessert and finish placing all the appetisers into sufficiently aesthetic containers. 

Taehyung frowns, and straightens. He watches you dance around in a frazzled manner for a few minutes, before catching you by the shoulders. 

“Hey.” He scolds. “I know I said I wanted a Christmas dinner, but not at the expense of your sanity. I don’t appreciate you undoing all my hard work of making you enjoy Christmas.”

You stiffen at the warmth of his palms against your shoulders before taking a deep breath. 

“You’re right.” You finally say. “I’m sorry. I just... I want you to have a good time. I’ve had so much fun these past few weeks and I want you to feel what I feel. I never thought I could ever look forward to something like Christmas, and yet here I am, throwing an entire Christmas dinner.”

“Seeing you enjoy Christmas and smiling like this makes me feel happier than you can imagine, (Y/N),” Taehyung reassures you. “This dinner is just a bonus. I’m grateful for it, but what would make me feel the best is if you’re having a good time.”

There he goes again. He’s remarkably smooth for a strange mystical being that was raised in the North Pole. He’s just so good at making your stomach feel like it’s filled with butterflies and making your heart forget to beat. With a deep, resigned sigh, you nod to him. 

“Ok. I’ll chill out.” You promise, before returning to your preparations in a far more mellow manner. 

Guests start trickling in. Jin just barely manages to avoid a throttling when you see him, after his stunt where he didn’t show up when there was an intruder in your home. It all worked out fine, but it’s always offensive to learn that your friend would leave you to die because he had “an oven emergency”. Jungkook and Dahyun come in bickering over the intricacies over some meme they’d seen, and Jihyo drags in far too much alcohol for the night. 

The night settles into a comfortable sort of atmosphere- people scatter across the living space of your apartment, catching up and just generally enjoying the vibe. Taehyung gets a few probing questions into the nature of your relationship and Jin seems to develop some sort of facial tic with all the eyebrow wagging he’s doing, but otherwise things go smoothly.

At least until it becomes apparent that Jin had taken the liberty of doing some decorating of his own while you were setting up for dinner. 

Namjoon and Jihyo are the first of the victims to the numerous mistletoes Jin has concealed around your home. Luckily, they are dating and so it’s just a quick peck between them to the sounds of laughter and hooting. 

At least until the other attendees realise that if Jin has hidden multiple mistletoes around your home, at any moment they could fall victim to a dreaded mistletoe kiss, with a completely undesired partner. 

From there, things devolve into a terrified, suspicious sort of scavenger hunt. Jin thinks it’s hilarious, watching you all scour the place like sniffer dogs, comfortably reclined on the couch as he shouts out hints that could be true or could be total lies. It’s always hard to tell with him. 

Of course Taehyung, poor, sweet naive Taehyung, had missed the dramatic revelation of Jin’s prank. He had been in the kitchen, dutifully monitoring dessert as it slowly cooked in the oven, and he had only stepped out to check with you when you thought it would be done. 

You feel him tap your shoulder in the middle of combing through your mantle, making sure Jin hadn’t hidden anything amidst the photo frames and decorations that sat there. You jump, surprised, and turn to face him. 

Only for Jin’s screeching laughter to reach you. 

“Victims number 2!” He calls triumphantly. Taehyung looks confused, and you grimace as you finally spot the offending object. A small bit of mistletoe twisted in amongst the tinsel lining your ceiling. You’re not even sure how the madman actually got it there without anyone noticing. 

“Mistletoe!” Dahyun chants, from where she’d been pressed into a corner and snarling at anyone who dared walk close enough to her lest she too fall victim to the mistletoe. “Mistletoe. Mistletoe. Mistletoe.” Slowly everyone joins the chant until your apartment sounds a bit like a cult. 

“Let’s not be hasty!” You plead. “Think about it. If you let me off, then we can all ignore this silly tradition.”

Taehyung, interestingly, has gone very still upon realising the two of you stand beneath a mistletoe. 

“(Y/N).” he calls, audible only to you beneath the chanting. “We can’t leave. It’s a mistletoe- I have to.”

You squint at him. 

“What do you mean? It’s just a silly tradition, why would you have to-“ you begin, before trailing away as it occurs to your that Taehyung is actually not a human. This isn’t two friends caught beneath a mistletoe and talking their way out of a silly tradition. Taehyung is a Christmas Spirit and thus bound to different rules to you. “Oh.” You breathe. “So I have to... do that?”

With a deep blush that nearly rivals the brilliant red of his hair, Taehyung nods. You wince and let your gaze drop. His mouth is a soft pink- one of the first things you’d bought on that first shopping trip had been lip balm after he’d seen you applying your own. He applies it meticulously and his lips are always faintly glossy and soft looking. This close you can count the tiny moles that sit against his skin like little stars, and you feel a little bit like your heart is in danger when you finally draw your gaze back up to meet his. 

His expression is a little hard to interpret, but you don’t let yourself overthink it. You slide your palms up around the back of his neck and tug his mouth down to press against yours. 

Taehyung makes a little surprised noise when you do, and it makes you blush. The smell of peppermint and cinammon is strong but captivating, and you wish you could stay there. You wish you could keep kissing him, but you know it’s wrong.

With a sigh, you pull back. Taehyung’s eyes are round and mystified and the blush sits high on his cheeks. His tongue darts out to swipe his lips and he clears his throat awkwardly. 

“I...” his gaze flickers down and then he averts his gaze quickly. Around you, your friends let out a few wolf whistles before returning to the panicked search for any other offending items. Taehyung’s breathing seems a little faster and you can’t say you’re in much better state. “I just came out to ask you about the dessert.” He finally manages, though his voice comes out a little raspy. You nod, hoping he doesn’t think much of the way you mirror his fierce blush. 

“Right...” you say awkwardly. “I’ll just... go and check on it.”

You dart around him, heading straight for the kitchen. 

When you are there, you take advantage of the lack of other party guests and bury your face in your hands. It was just a mistletoe kiss, it didn’t mean anything and yet your traitorous heart is rioting in your chest, threatening to go on strike. Your mind can’t help replaying the moment- his lips on yours, his familiar, striking scent, the scratch of his ugly Christmas jumper beneath your fingers. The size of this stupid crush is embarrassingly enormous. 

It takes a few moments, but you manage to regain your composure enough to discover that the dessert is very slightly undercooked, which you know Jin will bitch and moan about, but everyone else won’t mind. It’s nothing copious amounts of ice cream or custard won’t cover up. 

When you step out into your living room, it seems the panic over the mistletoes has settled. Jungkook had smothered Jin until he caved and gave up all the locations and now your living room has devolved into a ridiculous Christmas dance party- Jin and Dahyun belt out the lyrics to Last Christmas with absurd amounts of drama and gravitas, and Jihyo and Namjoon are curled up on the couch, murmuring to each other softly. Jungkook has gotten ahold of Taehyung and is currently trying to teach him ridiculous tiktok dances, and all-in-all it’s kind of a dream vibe for a Christmas party. No pain, or fighting, or tears. Just warmth and laughter, and a shared camraderie of the season. 

You find yourself smiling as you finally admit to yourself that maybe Taehyung was right. 

Christmas isn’t so bad after all. 

++

After everyone goes home, you and Taehyung are left to the cleanup. 

It’s a bit awkward, standing shoulder to shoulder after the kiss. His movements are slow and hesitant, like if you move too quickly he’ll get frightened and bolt. But gradually you settle into a kind of rhythm, tidying things up together and you can’t resist asking him about the party. It had been for his sake, after all.

“Did you have fun?” You ask. Taehyung jumps from where he’d been gently working the sponge into a lather and a clang rings through the kitchen. The silence seems more pressing after the loudness of your party. 

“Um... it was good.” He says, though his voice is a little high and squeaky. “I had a lot of fun- your friends seem nice.”

“It’s not really a family dinner.” You admit sheepishly. He pauses and offers you a smile, and the pleasant expression on his face seems to thaw through the lingering ice in the room. 

“No, don’t be silly.” He tells you. “It was everything I could have hoped for. Except for Jin’s interpretative dance to Santa baby. I feel like I could have gone without that.”

You laugh and shake your head, stepping in close to pluck plates off the drying rack and drying them off. 

“This was nothing. Wait till lizzo comes on and then you’ll see peak Seokjin.” You sigh. But then your expression changes and you offer Taehyung a smile. His eyes drop for just a fraction of a second, so quick you think you’ve imagined it, before raising quickly back to your eyes. “I’m glad you had a good time.”

He nods, and hums, still making his way through the pile of dirty dishes. 

“What about you?” He asks. “Did you enjoy yourself?”

You pause to think about it. The laughter of your friends, the silly Christmas carols, the snap of Christmas bonbons.... you did. You really, truly enjoyed yourself in a way you didn’t think you could and it’s thanks to the man before you. The man who patiently waited for you to come home each evening to eat dinner with you, and who dragged you across the city to places he thought you’d enjoy... he’s truly a magical person. 

“I really did. It’s gotten me so excited for the rest of the year, to be honest. Are there any other Christmas traditions we can do? Christmas is almost here, but what about New Year’s? We could do something fun then too.” You suggest. Suddenly the season seems so bright and exciting, and the fact that there’s a whole week and a half left to December leaves you unbelievably excited. 

Taehyung pauses from where he scrapes at a stubborn crumb on your baking tray. 

“What?” He asks, and his voice goes strangely soft, and tentative. You blink- something about his tone makes you uneasy. 

“For after Christmas.” You clarify. “You’ve already got Christmas planned out for us, right? So I can plan something for New Year’s. Return the favour.”

By now, Taehyung has completely stopped cleaning. He doesn’t look at you, and stares straight ahead. 

“There... there isn’t an “after Christmas”, (Y/N).” He confesses. Your heart drops into your stomach. He turns to face you, and for once, his eyes aren’t bright, and filled with joy. They’re dark and miserable. 

“What?” You breathe, trying to speak past the sudden shattering sensation in your chest. “Why... why not?”

“I’m a Christmas Spirit.” He reminds you. “I bring Christmas Cheer and then I go back in a box for the rest of the year.”

You blink- you feel like you aren’t hearing him right, or just not comprehending things. 

“Why? I can just not put you away. Why can’t there be an “after Christmas”?” You urge. You step in close, fighting past the sudden panic in your chest. “How could I just put you back in a box for the rest of the year? That’s crazy! Just, don’t go in the box.”

“It’s not that simple.” He protests. “There are rules, (Y/N). I can’t just ignore them. My job is to make you happy during Christmas and then that’s it. That’s what I was born and raised to do. That’s what I spent 25 years waiting for.”

Your eyes widen.

“But surely there’s another way? Surely you don’t want to be in the box.” You cry. You step in close and grab his hand, pulling it towards you pleadingly. 

“It doesn’t matter what I want.” He says, and there’s a resigned note of finality to his tone. “After Christmas, that’s it. I lose the strength to turn into a human. You can keep my out of the box, but it doesn’t make a difference. It ends on Christmas night.”

That makes you fall silent as you finally learn the full truth. You’d been so busy having fun that you hadn’t thought about what comes next. You’d stupidly let yourself believe that you could just keep having fun with Taehyung. You hadn’t thought about the logistics or the long term of it. You feel like you’ve been slapped. 

Christmas has an end date. 

Taehyung spots the tears forming in the corners of your eyes before you do, and his expression softens at the sight. 

“It’s not fair.” You rasp. Somehow, he manages to pull a smile from somewhere, though it’s tinged with a deep sadness that makes more tears spill forth. He steps in close and pulls your face into his chest. 

“I know.” He soothes. “It is. It’s unfair. I want to... I want to stay. But I can’t.” 

You can’t keep your composure after that, and the sobs come in in full force. 

“I wanted to keep having fun with you.” You bawl, and he just shushes you with a tighter hug. 

“I did too.” He confesses. “But it just means we have to have even more fun until Christmas. Can you do that for me, (Y/N)?” He breaks the hug so that he can gaze into your eyes, smoothing the tears from your cheeks. “Please.” He begs. And you see the way his own eyes are red and moist. 

You want to tell him you absolutely cannot. That if he’s going to make Christmas fun and then leave you at the end, he can leave right now. Before you fall even harder. Before it’s too hard to say goodbye. 

But you’re a fool. A masochistic, lovestruck, weak fool. You can’t look into his eyes and tell him no. Not when you know what this means to him; you can’t take away his first Christmas for selfish reason. 

“Ok.” You finally rasp. “I’ll do it.”

You’re walking off a cliff face with your eyes wide open.

For once Taehyung’s smile isn’t enough to comfort you.

++

Christmas day dawns cold and subdued. The days following dinner had been warm, but quiet. Reserved. Like you both knew a goodbye was coming and didn’t want to acknowledge it. You spend one night curled up in your car at an outdoor theatre, laughing along to some silly Christmas comedy, and another day is spent going bobsledding. You both go through the motions of merriment, but it’s clear that neither of your hearts are in it. It’s hard to be enthusiastic and merry when each precious moment that passes is one step closer to when he turns back into a scarecrow. 

When you step out in the kitchen, Taehyung is making breakfast already. He sees you and smiles. 

“Good morning.” He calls. “Merry Christmas.”

It triggers a pang in your chest as his words confirm that this is truly your last day with him. 

“Merry Christmas.” You yawn, attempting to conceal the way your heart aches by settling into a chair at your table. 

Taehyung scurries over, a plate in each hand. 

“Breakfast is ready.” He declares. He’s gotten quite creative in his cooking- he can now manage a fairly decent semi-scrambled omelette and his bacon is surprisingly crispy. You’re eager to see what he has prepared for Christmas Day.

When he sets it down in front of you, however, you glimpse the Santa pancakes he made that first day. Your face falls. Two familiar blueberry eyes stare dolefully up at you and even the banana smile seems less curved and cheerful. It’s clear Taehyung had been a little distracted making them, because they’re not as carefully put together as that first meal. But the sentiment behind them still stands; that Taehyung cooks for you. He likes seeing you smile and he goes to absurd lengths to get you to enjoy yourself and he has for the entire month of December. He’s come to mean so much to you in such a short span of time- somehow he’s made a season that previously only meant cold and misery become a time of warmth and laughter. And now you have to say goodbye, before you’ve even started. There’s so many adventures the two of you could go on together, and yet you don’t get to. It’s so cruel. You’re alarmed when the tears come, unbidden. 

Taehyung watches the expressions play out across your face, before wordlessly reaching out with the sleeve of his sweater to wipe the tears that fall away. His touch is gentle and his expression somber. He hasn’t even donned his usual Santa’s hat.

“I’m sorry.” You say, in a small voice. “I know I said I wouldn’t cry.”

He shakes his head and smiles, pulling his chair up so that it’s seated as close as possible to you. 

“It’s ok. Just means I have to work a little harder. I wanna see that pretty smile, before I go.” He reassures you. You sniff and scrub at your eyes before staring determinedly at your pancakes. 

“Ok.” You say. “Let’s do this, then.”

Taehyung searches your expression, and you’re not sure what he sees there, but it seems to satisfy him. You feel that the last few days, his smiles had been duller and decidedly less genuine, but this time he hits you with the full force of his dazzling smile.

“First things first, we have to open presents!” He cheers. You frown. 

“But I don’t have any presents-“ you protest, but Taehyung cuts you off with a sharp rush of air through his teeth. 

“Then what’s that?” He questions innocently, gesturing to your ratty Christmas tree. 

And sure enough, beneath it is laden with presents. You stare at it for a long time. 

“I didn’t get you anything.” You finally admit. Taehyung laughs. 

“You enjoying my gifts is the present.” He says dismissively, before crowding you towards the tree. “Anyway, it’s a universal Christmas tradition to open your presents after breakfast, and I have failed you as a Christmas Spirit if we don’t do that.”

He slides the first gift towards you and eyes you coyly. “Open this one first.” He urges you. 

They’re all small gifts, relatively inexpensive. You’re not expecting Swarovski crystals from Taehyung considering he’s an unemployed Christmas Spirit. But each gift is thoughtful and sweet and bought specifically with you and your tastes in mind. By the time you open the last of the presents, you’re fighting off tears again.

“I didn’t get you anything.” You lament, sniffling slightly as you set the last gift aside. Taehyung’s eyebrows wrinkle together and his mouth pulls into a pout. 

“I already told you. Just being here is a gift for me.” He insists. “Besides, it’s not like I can use anything you give me for eleven months.”

That causes you to fall silent. You bite your lip as you look away. You had been determined not to acknowledge the elephant in the room, but you can’t do it. You can’t spend the day pretending you’re not on the verge of tears.

“I know I said I wouldn’t. But I can’t keep pretending this isn’t going to happen, Tae.” You say, and when he looks at you, you know it’s the first chink in his armour. He’s held it together considerably better than you, and you’d thought maybe it just didn’t bother him. After all, you were the one with feelings, not him. “At least... you can answer questions, right? If I know more, maybe it will hurt less.”

But looking at him now, you realise that he’s been fighting to stay composed to. 

“What do you want to know?” He finally says, and he’s quiet. Defeated. So unlike the optimistic, cheerful being you’d come to adore. 

“Are you trapped? Will it be be uncomfortable?” You question. “Can you still hear me? Will you... will you be lonely?”

“Not exactly.” He reassures you. “I look like a human but I’m also a glorified Christmas ornament. Time and events are different when I’m a scarecrow. It’s hard to explain.... but it’s not so bad. It’s just... how I am. I’m waiting, but I’m not trapped.” He explains vaguely. “I can hear and see what’s going on, but I just process things differently. Time just... feels different.”

You nod, a little comforted that at least you’re not sending your friend to be trapped in a prison of his own body for eleven months.  

“Am I meant to pass you on to someone else?” You ask. “Or do I keep you here?”

“I guess...” He looks uncertain, and tentative. “I guess it depends how your year goes. Eleven months...” his voice cracks and he clears it awkwardly to hide it. “It’s a long time. You can keep me here, and I’ll see you next December, if you need a little extra help enjoying the season... or you can pass me on to someone else if you don’t need me anymore.”

He’s right. Eleven months is such a long time. Long enough to forget Taehyung and his bright smile and cheery disposition. Long enough to spend next Christmas with your family and pretend like things are ok between you. Long enough... long enough to forget just how much your heart aches today, and fool yourself into doing the exact same thing next year. 

“What do you want?” You finally settle on. It’s the last question of the interrogation. After this, you can pretend everything is ok. You can go on like nothing’s wrong. 

Taehyung’s eyes go wide. He points at himself, bewildered by your question. 

“What do... I want?” He echoes, as if he’s never heard the words before. You nod. 

“I want you to spend Christmas happy.” You confess. “So where do you want to be, next Christmas?”

He’s quiet for so long you’re worried that his brain has stopped functioning or that his weird Christmas Spirit voodoo has kicked in. But when he finally looks at you again, his eyes shine with so much emotion that your heart aches in your chest at the sight. 

“I want to be here.” He finally says. “I want to spend Christmas with you again. There’s so many things we still didn’t get to try, and I want to do them all.”

Your throat goes tight, because yet again, you’re signing yourself up for heartbreak. If you do this, you’re the only one who will be hurt. Pining alone for most of the year for a season you used to hate. The irony of the situation is not lost on you.

But you’re helpless to him, to his smile and his sweetness and his warmth, and you can’t say goodbye. 

“Ok.” You agree. “Then you’ll stay with me. Now let’s have some fun.”

++

The day must inevitably draw to a close. Though you and Taehyung linger at every activity, attempting to draw out each moment, the point in the day comes where the two of you are back at the apartment, with the time drawing closer and closer to midnight.

You unlock your apartment door with trembling fingers and inhale a shaking breath. You glance over your shoulder at Taehyung. He’s a broad-shouldered person, tall and imposing were it not for the warmth of his eyes and his puppy-like demeanour and normally he just seems larger than life. But in that moment, he’s so small and uncertain. 

There’s so much you could say. You could plead with him; try and see if there’s a way to bargain out of the inevitable goodbye. Or you could thank him, from the bottom of your heart, for the first enjoyable Christmas you’ve had in your entire life. Crying feels like a viable option too, or getting angry. Your heart can’t seem to settle on a response and so instead it’s settled on numbness. Like it’s cold, lifeless hunk of metal rattling around in your ribcage.

“Do you want to watch a movie?” Is what you finally settle on. He stares searching at your expression, before nodding to himself and squaring his shoulders

“Yeah. That sounds fun. I’ll make us some hot chocolate as well.” He says, stepping past you into the foyer. 

You eventually settle on watching the Polar Express. When you sit on the couch, Taehyung sits far too close and tugs a blanket over both your laps. He hands you a mug of hot chocolate and the two of you settle into a peaceful quiet, opposite from the laughter and activity of the daytime. The evening melancholy seems to have settled in. The whole movie, you don’t really pay attention, instead trying not to think about the way the clock on the wall seems to be moving quickly. 

“(Y/N).” You’re startled when Taehyung calls your name. It’s out of the blue, and you hadn’t noticed the way he’s steadily edged closer until the words are said almost directly into your ear. You’d been watching the clock instead of the movie, and you think for a moment that he intends to reprimand you. You turn to look at him and the proximity startles the breath out of you. “It’s almost midnight.” He tells you, as if you haven’t been glaring the clock down for most of the night. 

It’s true, though- the minute hand is edging closer and closer to the dreaded twelve. It makes you realise that he’s been eyeing the clock as well. 

“So it is.” You acknowledge, and he’s so close that his breath skates against the skin of your cheeks, staring at you with an intensity you don’t understand.

“Did I... Did I do a good job?” He asks you. You press your lips together; in a way he did. You think you may have smiled in this month alone more than you have the entire year. But you also know that the rest of the year will now pale in comparison; the rest of winter will leech by, depressingly dreary, and summer will come and go in muddy heat. The year will both inch and speed by and that whole time you will have the special month of December in mind. The times you spent with Taehyung. 

“You did.” You finally say. “I... Christmas was always so lonely and miserable to me. Where we tried to pretend that things were ok and merry and it would just dissolve into screaming matches. But with you, it wasn’t. You helped me make it into something warm, and beautiful. And even though...” your voice cracks, and it takes you a moment to reclaim your composure. “Even though the ending will be lonely and sad, you gave me all these wonderful memories. I’ll hear a Christmas carol and think of you from now on, Taehyung.” 

When you finally gain the courage to meet his gaze, you’re startled to find tears pouring down his cheeks. He’s been sad and a little misty-eyed ever since he admitted he wouldn’t be around after Christmas, but he’s also been frustratingly composed. 

But in that moment, he’s anything but. He looks devastated as he brings his hands up to press into his eyes in a vain attempt to stem the flow of tears.

“I’m sorry.” He gasps. “I tried so hard but... I never imagined Christmas would be like this. I was only supposed to make you smile and then go back to being a scarecrow and that should have been enough but it’s not.”

He’s full on sobbing now, and you can only stare in bewilderment as tears form in your own eyes. 

“I want to spend New Year’s Eve with you, and start the New Year together. I want to see you on your birthday. I want to see you on happy days and sad days. I want to...” he rubs his eyes clear and stares straight at you. “I want to make you smile the whole year.” He confesses. 

And that’s when your phone goes off. You’d set an alarm, earlier in the morning, so that you’d know the exact moment midnight hit. You glance away, for just a moment, dread hitting you full force like a sledgehammer. 

And when you turn back, it’s too late. The familiar little scarecrow stares up at you from the couch, where Taehyung had been seated just moments before. 

And you finally let yourself break down at the sight of the familiar button eyes.

And just like that, Christmas is over. 

++

“Why does your apartment smell like someone’s been dumped?” Jin sniffs as he steps through the threshold of your home, uninvited as usual. You’re not sure how he got in, but he probably had a copy of your key made somehow without you noticing. He’s prone to doing invasive things like that.

“Being dumped doesn’t have a smell.” You snap, from where you had been curled up on the couch under a mound of blankets. 

“Yes it does.” He insists. “It smells like...” he pauses to take one long, obnoxious sniff to the air before wrinkling his nose. “B.O. and cheetos.” He recites. 

You sigh, still not bothering to shift from your blanket nest. You’d been expecting his visit, to be honest. It’s the day before New Year’s Eve and you haven’t responded to his annual New Year’s Eve Bash invite. He’s very intense about RSVPs.

“What do you want, Jin?” You ask. He picks his way delicately towards you, navigating his way through your semi-dissembled Christmas tree before settling before you in a crouch. You’d made it part-way through the post-Christmas clean up before you’d been too upset to continue.

“Well, you aren’t answering my texts or calls. Zero activity on social media, no RSVP to my party... So I thought I’d make sure you hadn’t choked on a piece of tinsel.” He looks around your apartment with distaste. “I’m actually not sure if I’m relieved that you’re ok if this is what “ok” looks like.”

You ignore him, choosing to focus your attention back to Netflix. His expression softens, just a fraction.

“Tell me what’s going on, (Y/N). And where’s.. where’s Taehyung?” He questions tentatively. 

You’re unable to conceal the way your shoulders stiffen, just slightly, at the mention of his name. You’ve been doing your best in the five days since Christmas to bounce back and return to normal life, but you can’t seem to. It’s easier to lounge around on the couch than to muster up the emotional energy to pretend you’re ok. You’ve spent too long pretending you’re ok. There isn’t a single drop of you left that can even try to do so. 

“He had to go.” You say, hating the way your voice goes abruptly raw with tears. Jin’s eyes widen just slightly, and he shuffles closer. 

“What do you mean he had to go? He’s-“ As he said the words, his eyes had been darting wildly around the apartment, but he abruptly cuts himself off when he spots the scarecrow on your mantle. “Why is Taehyung...” he begins, before his gaze flickers to you. 

“Oh.” He exclaims simply, understanding dawning in his eyes. “Oh, (Y/N).” He says, his voice filled with sympathy and sadness on your behalf.

You’re surprised when Jin engulfs you in a hug. You’ve never had that sort of friendship- he prefers to show his love by nagging you. But it’s weirdly comforting and you melt into his embrace. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t RSVP.” You say glumly. “I didn’t feel like celebrating.”

Jin pulls away and scrutinises your expression. 

“Forgive me if it seems probing, but I don’t understand what happened. You guys seemed like you were going great at dinner the other night.” He says. “Why... why didn’t you use his wish?”

You pull back and blink at him in confusion. 

“His... wish?” You echo. Jin nods. 

“All Christmas Spirit receive one wish for their entire career. It was instituted recently, though, maybe only in the last twenty years or so, so maybe Taehyung didn’t know about it?” Jin wonders. 

Your eyes widen. 

“Christmas Spirit?” You splutter. “You mean you knew?”

For someone who’s dropping a bombshell, Jin looks remarkably deadpan. 

“Of course I knew. You think I wouldn’t notice a Christmas Spirit living in my store for five years?” He questions you with exasperation. 

You stare at him incredulously. 

“And you never thought, just once, that it would be a good idea to tell me what I was bringing home?” You demand. He rolls his eyes. 

“Oh please. Like you would have believed me.” He says dismissively. “Little Miss Grinch, hates Christmas, told her weird Christmas Scarecrow is actually a special Christmas Spirit? I’m a simple man, (Y/N). I see an opportunity for a great Hallmark movie, I take it.”

You stare at him in rage, and then something occurs to you. 

“That’s why you never came when I texted you that night! You knew it was Taehyung!” You realise in horror. “What if you had been wrong?”

At least he has enough sense of propriety to look sheepish. 

“Taehyung would have helped you if I was wrong.” He offers meekly. The change in pace of conversation has you deflating. 

“If you knew... why did you let him go home with me? I could have spent Christmas at home, alone, and not be dealing with any of this.” You confess, and Jin softens just a little bit. 

“Well, because I didn’t want you to spend Christmas alone.” He admits. “Every year, you’re so miserable. And I thought Taehyung could change that. And honestly, I didn’t think it would end up like this and even if I did, I thought Taehyung would use his wish.”

“What wish?” You ask. Jin shrugs. 

“Every Christmas Spirit gets one wish throughout their career. Usually it ends up being that they become human, but I know of some who have wished for other things.” He admits. You brows knit together as you gaze at your friend. Where is all this knowledge coming from?

“Jin... just who are you?” You ask hesitantly. He smiles awkwardly and rubs at the back of his neck.

“I’m Jin. The same Jin you’ve known for years. But before that, I was a little Christmas bear who spent years trying to make people happy on Christmas day.” He admits. “And one year... I’d had enough. So I wished that I could be human. And here I am today.” He smiles at you. “And it’s not too late. Taehyung can still do the same.” He glances over at your mantle, where the motionless Christmas Scarecrow sits. “Anyway, I have to get going. I was just coming to make sure you were alive.” He gets up and dusts off his pants. “Maybe give the apartment a clean, and then you can sit down and have a nice, long chat with that scarecrow over there.” 

He makes to leave, but can’t resist tossing one last comment over his shoulder. 

“I’m just going to assume you’re bringing a plus one. I’ll change your response to “going” on the fb invite.” 

++

One clean apartment later, you stand before your mantle, gazing into the button eyes of the scarecrow. It’s weird to know that behind them, Taehyung watches you. What is he thinking? Is he sad? Lonely? Trapped? Is he listening? 

You’re strangely nervous. Taehyung had told you that he’d wanted to spend the rest of the year with you, but maybe he changed his mind. Maybe watching you lounge around your apartment the past five days made him realise how lame you are. And if he only gets one wish in his entire career, why would he waste it now? He’s only had one Christmas to live out his purpose as a Christmas Spirit- maybe he’s not ready to give it up yet. Maybe you’re asking too much of him. It’s only been a month; to ask him to become human and face the horrors of the human world is maybe the cruelest thing you could do.

But your heart yearns, and ultimately that it what gives you the courage to begin speaking. 

“I... don’t know how much you heard of what Jin said earlier.” You admit. “He pretty loud so you probably heard at least some of it. But the basic gist... is that you get a wish. Only one wish, so once you use it, that’s it. So, you have to use it wisely.”

You look away and squeeze your eyes shut. 

“And, I understand if you want to save it. You’ve only just started out and maybe you want more time. But I was thinking... if all that stuff you said before is true... Maybe you can use it now. To be a human.” You inhale shakily. The offer is out in the open now. 

The scarecrow doesn’t move. 

“I mean, maybe you didn’t. That’s ok. I’ll be ok if you don’t actually want to spend the rest of the year with me. It’s a lot to ask when it’s only been a month. But I want to.” You squint and you feel the hot prick of tears forming at the corner of your eyes. “This has been the best Christmas I’ve ever had. I’ve never smiled so much before, and so easily. Something about you makes it so easy. And I was never brave enough to say it, but I like your smile too. I like it so much. It’s ridiculous that you can say my smile is lovely when you can look in the mirror and see what your smile looks like. And I... I don’t want to only get to see it on Christmas. I don’t want to spend eleven months waiting for you but the ridiculous part is that I will.” You admit. “I’ll just keep comparing things to the time I spent with you. I’ll spend eleven months of the year waiting for you’re smile. And that’s because... I really like you, Tae. So much- no, too much. I like you too much.” You’re full on crying at this point. “So please. Spend it on me. Wish to be a human. Wish to be here the rest of the year.”

You fall silent, and still, the scarecrow stares at you. Unmoving, unchanging. 

You smile helplessly, before scrubbing at your eyes. He doesn’t want to use his wish. That’s ok. He doesn’t have to. It was stupid of you to think that he would.

You sniffle and open your eyes.

Only to be engulfed by two arms around your body.  

“I like you too much as well.” Taehyung gasps. It takes you a moment to process- your face is smushed into his chest and his arms hold you securely. “I didn’t know about the wish. But... I want to keep spending time with you. I’d have spent it on you a hundred times over if I’d known.”

You go to pull away so that you can see his face, but he doesn’t give you the chance to because his lips are meeting yours. 

It’s a sweet kiss but also a little clumsy and eager. Like he’s worried time is running out. 

Gradually, the urgency fades and he pulls away. At this proximity, you can see the way his lashes frame his bright eyes, and the way his eyes crinkle into little tiny half moons. It’s a little surreal, being able to gaze upon him so freely when just last week you’d been prepared for a goodbye. 

“So... you’re a human now? You get to stay?” You ask. He pulls back and squints at himself. 

“I guess so. I can’t seem to turn back into a scarecrow so I guess... that I’m human now.” He says.

You kiss him again, after that. It’s soft and sweet and perfect. When you pull away, his eyes are hazy and his expression is unfocused. He looks adorably dishevelled and distracted, and then he offers you that smile, the one that makes your heart feel like it’s about to burst. His fingers come up to delicately trail over the paths of your face, like he’s trying to memorise what you look like. 

“You’re smiling.” He breathes, his tone filled with wonder. His thumb comes up to reverently trace the curve of your lips. “It was your smile.” He confesses. You blink up at him in confusion and he chuckles in response. “It threw me off guard. At the ornament store. Up until that point I’d been so nervous whether I was in over my head with the whole Christmas spirit thing. And then you smiled at me and it wasn’t even because of anything I’d even done and suddenly I wanted to keep that smile on your face.” 

You flush, a bit flustered by his admission, but he isn’t finished, apparently. 

“It’s so pretty. You’re pretty.” He insists. “When you kissed me under the mistletoe I thought my heart was going to burst and then I remembered what I was. That I’m a Christmas Spirit and that I don’t get to do this. I get your smile at Christmas and then that’s it.” He smiles self-deprecatingly at himself before it shifts into something warmer, and fonder. “But now... now...” he trails away, too emotional to continue and he settles for pulling you into another tight embrace, tucking his face into the crook of your neck. All you can smell is that comforting scent of peppermint and cinnamon, and you melt. “Now I get your smiles the rest of the year too. I can’t wait to spend the rest of the year with you.” He confesses, a soft, whispered confession into the warm crook of your neck. 

And there’s lots to do, and things you need to work out now that Taehyung is by your side as a human. Your relationship with your parents isn’t fixed, and he doesn’t have a job or a source of income, and there’s still some remaining Christmas decorations that need to be placed in storage. 

But that’s ok. You’ll both work all that out together eventually. After all, you have the rest of the year to do so.