#he out dadded the other dads tonight
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Timeless Lullaby (Dad Squad)
(@smilesrobotlover @skyward-floored @telemna-hyelle @nancyheart11)
Despite the initial confusion and embarrassment at the start of their visit to this village, the trio of men had managed to obtain both valuable information and supplies. Abel had stocked up on weapons and food while Rusl had obtained information. Fierce had been wandering the village seemingly aimlessly, piquing the Ordonian's curiosity, but he didn't pester him over the matter. Every other time the deity emerged from an alley or shop a child would be following him, giggling and running around or asking questions.
After just two days, Abel had grown far too restless to remain, and Rusl had to agree with the man's anxieties - they couldn't afford to linger too long. Their boys were still missing.
As they exited the village, Rusl saw the Fierce Deity turning an item over in his hands. "Did you find something useful in the village?"
Fierce gazed at the item a moment longer. It was very small in his hands, oval shaped with what seemed to be some kind of mouth piece and holes carved into it. An instrument, then, Rusl surmised, though he wasn't familiar with it.
"An ocarina," Fierce explained. "My little hero has one. It is not this particular one - his is filled with magic. But it caught my eye nonetheless."
Rusl and Abel exchanged a look, the usually hardened knight softening his expression as he watched the deity walk ahead.
"Does he like to play it?" Abel asked.
"It has special enchantments to it," Fierce answered, his fingers brushing over the instrument. "There are certain songs he plays to accomplish tasks. But in his free time, he does like to play other tunes on it, though he is frightened of what might happen. I believe he often whistles instead if he is scared the instrument might do something."
Rusl furrowed his brow. "Why is he scared? What does his ocarina do with its magic?"
"He can manipulate things with it," the deity explained. "Matter, location, weather, time... they all bend to its notes. But only with certain songs. I think he is beginning to figure out it is an innocent instrument with regular tunes. I am glad for it. He likes to play."
This instrument certainly sounded powerful. Rusl marveled at the thought of it, but his attention was quickly diverted when a few bokoblins caught his eye.
A brief skirmish followed, with very little to show for it. There had barely been enough bokoblins for all the men to even fight. Fierce had eliminated three in one fell swoop, leaving just one straggler that Rusl picked off with his bow and arrow. Abel had huffed out a laugh, muttering something about wishing the deity had been around before, whatever before must have been. Rusl could only guess it was the war that had caused this mess.
As they set up camp, Abel made a quick meal for the group to eat, which they did in silence. Rusl stared up at the sky, lost in thought about his boy and wondering how he was doing. This wasn't... quite as terrifying as when the village children had all gone missing, but he still worried for Link. He didn't know what those red soldiers wanted, who they were, anything, really. Being trapped in a foreign Hyrule didn't make the matter much easier.
Still. At least he had companions.
The silence of the night was broken with gentle, mellow notes filling the air. Rusl turned to look beside him, where Fierce had started to play softly on the ocarina. He was surprised at how gently the mythical being played, what with his large stature and immense energy and power. The melody was simultaneously haunting and soothing, and somehow strangely familiar.
Rusl wasn't the most musically inclined, but he swore he'd heard this piece before. The tune played over and over in different gentle variations, embellishments highlighting certain parts before it slid back into the main melody. The deity didn't tire of playing, and Rusl didn't dare interrupt. The longer Fierce played, the more Rusl relaxed, a smile playing at his lips as he laid back against his travel pack. Between the crackling of the fire and the soothing melody, Rusl started to nod off before he had a chance to really ask anything, but in his mind he could hear the tune repeated in a different voice, breathy and quiet and deep, interrupted with little inhales in the nose, accompanied by the crickets of the forest at night.
Link. Link had hummed this tune before. He'd learned it on his adventure.
Rusl's smile lingered as he finally fell asleep, thinking of his boy.
Across the camp, Abel sat beneath a tree, a silent princess twirling aimlessly between his fingers. He stared off at nothing, the tune playing gently in his mind and heart, though he knew little of it. At first it had startled him and irked him - he hadn't wanted to attract nighttime beasts with noise. Nevertheless, given who was playing it, he wasn't likely to win the argument, nor did he really care to. If the deity wished to be reminded of his boy, he wasn't going to stop him. It wasn't as if any monster could be a threat to him.
The silent princess lost a petal as Abel rolled it roughly in his hand. His heart felt empty. He felt exhausted. The melody continued, and Abel sighed, leaning his head against the tree he sat under. Eventually, the silent princess stopped twirling aimlessly under anxious hands, glowing gently in the moonlight as Abel started to settle into an uneasy sleep.
The Song of Time continued to float in the air, heralding a bygone era, calling to heroes who were too far gone to hear. Eventually, the fierce deity stopped, glancing at his companions as they rested. Sighing, the deity rose to cover each man with a blanket, tucking a stray strand of Abel's hair behind his ear. Then the deity glanced up at the sky.
What a bizarre situation to be in, he thought to himself. He'd never been outside the mask for so long. He could hardly remember having time to spend with anyone. Were it not for the circumstances, he would be grateful for it. Instead, the ocarina felt cold in his hands, lifeless, like an empty reminder of who he should be with.
His hand brushed the scarf tied around his waist. At least one of his heroes was safe.
Slowly, the deity pulled the ocarina back to his lips and started to play once more.
#writing#Dad Squad#started listening to the song of time played on ocarina on spotify and this popped in my head#fierce is a dad through and through#he out dadded the other dads tonight#fierce dadity#abel#rusl#I know there's an actual lullaby that Fierce could've played but like#song of time is so haunting and serene#and I was listening to it#so there#Fierce made it a lullaby
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I’m gonna be out most of the day bc I’ll be helping my dad with a big shopping trip plus being out after, so I’m going to be super duper exhausted
I don’t do well in crowded or loud places in the slightest, I get woozy and tired and I feel miserable or like I’m gonna pass out, and if the shopping isn’t gonna make me wanna cry, the outing after will bc it’s gonna be packed with lots of noise and people
I don’t say this because I want to complain, I just wanna give a super quick warning that I might not be active tomorrow as well as today bc when I get exhausted, my mental health tends to decline as well ;-;
so- a bit of a warning that I may poof a bit (sorry! 😣)
#But yeah :)#hopefully I’ll be able to sleep it off tonight but since school is tomorrow might end up still tired and stressed (ᵕ—ᴗ—)#lol I’m trying not to complain or make a stink about it whilst still being informative—#Edit: uh so I don’t know what’s wrong with me this morning#But it’s already starting to go to crap unfortunately#Hgnhh I wanna talk but I keep telling myself it’s selfish to talk about how I feel#Idk I’m just messed up man#Feel like crap#eating earlier didn’t help it just made me feel worse#I don’t wanna go shopping or to the outing :(#But my dad said he needs help#And I don’t think I have a choice for the outing#And school tmrw :(#I don’t wanna do this I really font#I think I’m breaking down#Yeah I’m breaking down#<- that’s dramatic I’m sorry#Edit 2: if I trigger myself so badly that I have a really quick and strong breakdown will that make me fine for the rest of the day#Bc omg I have things I need to do! I can’t mope around and be dramatic all day!#I hate this! I don’t want it! Literally any other day would have been doable!#I can’t just ask my dad to stay home from the outing either because then that would entail me explaining why I don’t wanna go and I’d cry-#-in front of him and I don’t wanna cry in front of people#I hate this so much#i wish I could just poof into nonexistence#🌾#<- atp it’s a vent#Edit 3: I’m trying really hard ace but petting my dog isn’t working
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on arranged marriages
it's funny. mums been in the whatsapp rishta groups for years looking for someone i might marry. she'll send me a profile once in a while and ask what i think, if she should contact his parents or not and most of the time i say yeah, alright. nothing ever comes of it though, so when my dad calls me after work and says mum spoke to him about a rishta she's thinking of moving forward with i'm intrigued, but not particularly invested.
mum's really picky, i tell him. this probably won't go anywhere but we may as well see it through, right? dad is hesitant, but agrees when i say that i do want an arranged marriage.
but then things do move forward and the next thing i know, he is going to visit us with his parents. on the day, my uncle picks me up from work so i don't have to walk. you don't have to make a decision today, he tells me. this is just a first visit. my cousin helps me get ready and i am reminded of the similar scene in the movie vivah. nothing has to happen today, she tells me you guys are just meeting today. the thought does nothing to settle the nerves roiling in my stomach and i try to go back to my room three times instead of going downstairs until my cousin practically shoves me down them.
i enjoy meeting his mum, even though she immediately clocks my nervous clasping and unclasping of my bracelet. she hugs me as if i'm her own daughter and is so happy to see me that my heart lightens. eventually, we go to the other sitting room where the men are sitting-where he is. my nerves flare up again but he doesn't look up from his hands clasped in his lap when we walk in.
too nervous to speak, i only answer say anything when a question is directed at me and try to sneak quick glances at him across the room instead. his mum catches me more than once and smiles knowingly at me. we meet each others eyes only once for a split second and it makes my heart pound rapidly in my chest. when he speaks, i force myself to look at anyone other than him. he has a nice voice, my brain whispers and i bite my tongue, hard.
they leave, and we say they'll know our decision after a couple months. i know what my answer will be though. later, when they get back home and his mum calls my mum, i stand outside the door to eavesdrop, my heart in my throat but i can't stop my grin when i hear his mum say he's happy to go ahead with this, because there was a part of me that still worried he'd see me in person and go NOPE. she suggests that we get to know each other over the next few months and i silently beg my mum to agree. i know that where she is from, in her tradition, the bride and groom speak once or twice before the wedding if they're lucky, and that things are still done that way back home, but just as im gearing up to argue against that, she agrees. it's a miracle!
of course, chronically shy person that i am, the thought of our first conversation taking place on our mums phones is terrifying so instead i ask to get his number so we can text first. she sends his number but theres no way i'm texting first so i send them my number and thankfully he gets the hint and texts me first. i hope you don't mind me texting, i'm just shy still. i say. that's fine, he reassures me. we have time.
time, as it turns out. flies. it doesn't take long to move from texts to voice notes, to phone calls. he really does have a nice voice, i find out, and its not as awkward as i thought it would be. i didn't actually think that we'd talk that much, maybe once a week at most and yet...
i almost cried last night because we were talking about going to Pakistan together next summer and I remembered how when I was a teenager I used to daydream about going to Pakistan with my spouse and visiting all my family with him.
then over the years I sort of gave up on that idea because I'm not the type to go out and meet someone and in the desi arranged marriage market whose gonna choose me?
and now I'm 26, and we talk multiple times a day and when I catch myself thinking oh he isn't really interested, he's just talking to me because he has to to get to know me, why would anyone actually like me?? I find myself countering with well actually if that was the case why would he start calling you every day? how come you went from one call a day ending with 'i'll talk to you tomorrow' to him calling you on his way home from work and 'i'll call you after dinner' when he gets home to a THIRD call after maghrib right before bed? those are not the actions of a man who is uninterested!!
hanaas insecurities- 0, hanaas logic- 1
anyway idk where this is going except i never thought i'd be this excited and happy when it came time for me to get married but here i am and it is SO SCARY to realise that i am maybe possibly (definitely) falling for him but wow, and like? (literally the other day i was telling him a story from when i was a kid and the story had such a silly ending but it was unexpected and he laughed really hard in surprise and it made my heart almost explode i swear its so fun to make him laugh)
but like there's SO MANY logistics i'm restarting my driving lessons so i can pass before i move and i literally just got my new job in april but i'm gonna have to give my notice lmao and i've already started looking for new jobs but GAH so much stuff is happening and yet at the same time i feel so calm about it all it's wild i'm just vibing trying to enjoy my summer holidays and having the highlights of my day being when he calls lmaooo
#banana speaks 🍌#okay that's enough emosh stuff for tonight i think#time to go to bed and watch his tiktoks and kick my feet and giggle at my phone bc i can't believe this is happening still#idk why i made this post honestly but its just like...it is SO SCARY sometimes#and for ages and ages i didn't feel ready at all#my sister had a love marriage and she's been married 10 years w 4 kids she's rlly happy#but i just knew that wasn't gonna happen for me so i was happy w an arranged marriage#but also#i have really strong faith#(mostly)#and something that really helped me here was#im SUCH a chronic over thinker but literally the moment i saw him in our front room#i felt this deep certainty like 'this is it..this is him' it felt like this beautiful peace in my heart#and that was so so lovely like...there's wedding stuff and other things to prepare for but theres no doubt in my mind ab him and its just??#insane im like#its like all my doubts disappeared#and also it's v interesting bc i think if he'd tried any lines on me or flirted when we talk i would be worried but#hes really respectful and my dad likes him my mum likes him we ALL like him hahaha#inshallah inshallah things will go well#also rishta's will come from unexpected places#we were looking in the uk for AGES and couldn't find anyone#but we found him within a year of him being here because turns out...he only came here from pak to be w his parents last year#jo hai tera lab jayega indeed#once agan#inshallah it all goes smoothly :D
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"oohh im going to remove my car battery myself" oh okay sure mr. doesn't own any tools, namely, a wrench.
#i mean i do own some tools#aka a few screwdrivers. a hammer. and some multitools.#but multitool pliers can NOT replace a wrench </3#i shouldve bought that pink toolset from ikea when i was eyeing it#now i have to wait until the weekend to b saved by my dad and his toolbox#but i was soo pumped to do some car stuff other than like changing the lights or something simple like that#i mean i was scared but towards the end i got excited about it 😔#i wouldnt even need to take the battery out if i had a garage. then i could just plug the charger in#i cant do that rn bc. where am i going to get the electricity from. i dont have an extender long enough to reach my car from the 2nd floor#leevi talks#i need someone with tools to live near me gdvhdjjd#edit: HOLD ON a friend of my dads is coming to the city i live in tonight so he might be able to drop off dads tools for me omg
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saw a post talking about t.im as a 'nepo baby latchkey kid' and .... that's it that's him-
i think it was on the blog that i deleted a while back but i've always seen jack and janet d.rake in their late 30s / early 40s when they have tim, and only really having him because it's the societally acceptable thing to do. all their friends have kids already, and they need someone to pass things along to when they die, right? do they hate him? no. are they neglecting him on purpose? no. but are they good parents / do they put in any effort to parent responsibly? ALSO NO. <3
i definitely see the d.rakes viewing their parenting style as totally fine because 'what kid wouldn't want all this stuff? he's set for life!' janet stays with him when he's a baby, and they ship him off to the boarding school all their friends sent their kids to as soon as he's old enough. if his parents are gone on business trips during school breaks (really common), he's usually staying over at a friend's house or just vibing on his own at their estate when he's "old enough" (i wanna say 10-11 is when they start leaving him on his own, so he has time to go fan-stalk batman and the robins... but STILL TOO YOUNG).
t.im never sees it as a problem because that's how he was raised, he never really knew anything else. he treasures the time that he DOES get to spend with both his parents (going out to sporting events becomes something he's really into because he knows he can get them to go with him even if they'll spend most of the night talking business), but he's SO USED to being a latchkey kid and being left to his own devices that the mindset stays with him forever.
#delete /#i have so many thoughts about tim and his parents but specifically t.im and jack which is a WHOLE OTHER THING (tim's need to adapt feeling#like a neverending wave of punches to the face... and half of those are bc of jack being a jackass (ha) i just...... man...#the brainrot is Crazy tonight..#but yeah i've seen a bunch of posts and fics and stuff saying the d.rakes were Purposefully Bad Parents and i don't think they meant to#were they bad? OH YEAH THEY SUCKED. did they do it out of malice? no#when jack goes all overbearing the motive is clear that he WANTS to be a good dad but he just fuckin Doesn't Know How and can't fucking#figure it out and is too fucking stubborn to ask for help.. he pushes tim away from b.ruce and a.lfred and sends his ass back to boarding#school bc he's jealous of how much t.im looks up to them in the relatively short time they've been in his life and he's tired of tim going#over there and... yeah once i get back to that stretch of comics i'll probs get into it way more but ... <33333333 my heart hurts for this#dude all the time <33333
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.
#☉#already getting stress induced nose bleeds again lmao#bro's not even back in the house yet but him and dad were going at it tonight#yelling at each other in the kitchen and i could hear them from my room in the basement#im so tired of it all#especially since my mom and i get to listen to them bitch about each other afterwards#before he moves back in im setting a firm boundary: unless i ask about something specifically *i don't want to hear about it*#ive hit minute 22 with this nose bleed now#i thought it was gonna be a short one (10-15 mins) but nooooo#i can feel it getting worse#based off my experience last summer im pretty sure that if i could just....#get out of this fuckin house#80% of my health problems will improve on their own#since all of them are triggered/aggravated by stress#too bad im fuckin stuck here for the foreseeable future#tbd#edit: 25 mins in and i think it's stopped for the time being...#i can hear my dad bitching about my brother to my mom rn while she's trying to get ready for bed#because she just got home with working her second job#and has to be up in 7hrs for her first one 😭#i want to yell at him to shut up or yell at my mom to tell him to shut up#neither of us will do such things tho#and so it goes
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1. it’s my 24th birthday today, so my goal of being published by the time i’m 25 is now a one year looming monster, but i never specified what kind of published and am currently looking in various literary magazines that are recommended for writers who have yet to be published, so i’m surprisingly confident that i can make it work? and tbh even if whatever i write isn’t officially published before my 25th birthday, if i have someone in the process of being published then i’ll be happy!! no matter what though, i’m gonna try to be proud of myself for at least giving it my best shot!!
2. i honestly love that my birthday is on the ides of march because the ides of march meme shitposting is only a thing on tumblr but it also being my birthday makes it easier to like. be excited about the ides of march outside of tumblr. like even in person i can be like “it’s my birthday! i’m an ides of march babe (:” and if someone is like oh what’s that? or if they say something along the lines of oh like julius caesar? i can be like yep!! and even if it’s a small thing outside of tumblr it brings me immense enjoyment and amusement being able to bring it up off of tumblr
3. transportation situation has been very rough since june 2023 when i totalled my car, my gap insurance are being assholes and i ended up putting my foot down on the phone with them yesterday which i’m pretty proud of because i am NOT a confrontational person (something i’ve been working on this past year, so seeing some improvement with my ability to hold my ground and not be a pushover yesterday was very cool!!) i was told i’d get a response from them by friday next week no matter what, and if i don’t then friday of next week i will continue to wreak havoc upon them. but my moms car which i’ve been using since my accident broke down yesterday, hopefully it’s fixable but my parents were saying it might be done for, so trying to think of how i’m gonna get to work next week is kind of stressing me out lmao, but for now i’m just gonna focus on enjoying my birthday the best i can because i don’t want to start off being 24 with an overwhelming anxiety for something that won’t be a potential issue until monday. plus i already messaged my boss today to let her know that i’m going to do everything i can to make it work out but just so she’s in the loop and knows of the potential of me not being able to make my morning shifts (one of my coworkers said she’s more than happy to give me a ride for our afternoon shifts which does help relieve some of the stress!) and i told her i’d let her know for sure sunday so that if necessary she can have time to figure out someone to fill in for me in the mornings!
overall: life is weird and i ended being 23 yesterday with a shitty situation but a positive outlook and i am going to enjoy my first day of being 24 no matter what because honestly i fucking earned it. happy friday everyone, i hope it’s a good day for you and me both!
#aritalks#i did cry a little bit when i first woke up because i dont really know what to do about work and also i hate not having a car i can use#not only because of the work aspect but also getting my license when i was 18 gave me a freedom i didn’t have before#and i don’t like having to rely on other people just to like go to the fucking store or something yk#but then my best friend/roommate messaged me happy birthday and i was like fuck it! today is going to be a good day!#the stressful uncertainties can wait until tomorrow#also one of my best friends who hasn’t said happy birthday to me the past two years#(not intentionally im p sure they were just busy on my birthdays the past two years#and then had that moment of ‘oh shit i didnt send a message fuck i think its too late now’ which i totally get bc anxiety things yk)#was one of the first people to message me happy birthday!!#i’m also hoping to still be able to go see my mom and then stay the night at my dads tonight#so i can see both my parents and also my baby siblings for my birthday#my dads working today but after he texted happy birthday i sent him a text asking if he thinks we could still make it work#my mom is asleep still i think (she called me at midnight and left a voicemail singing happy birthday!! but her sleep schedule has been all#over the place recently so i’m waiting until 11:30 to call her which is in like 30 mins)#but she said something yesterday about driving out to me to give me a hug and also bring me my diabetes stuff that got delivered#(her house is my mailing address because i know it’s not going to change bc it’s my great grandparents house that she’s partially inhereting#when my great grandpa dies but since i have moved out of my dads my address has changed twice and i didnt have a mailbox at my last place so#just for the sake of consistency and not having to worry about important shit getting sent to the wrong address i’ve had her house as my#mailing address since i moved out of my dads at 19)#so i think i’m gonna ask her if she can just pick me up instead so i can go to her house w her and hang out with her#and hopefully my dad will be able to at least stop by with my siblings so i can see them too#i’d like to stay the night with them but if we can’t make it happen then i can also stay the night w my mom and hopefully tomorrow figure#out the car situation. might have to rent a car for a week if i can afford it? best case scenario is my moms car can be fixed but i still#dont know whats wrong with it ik there are two potential problems and one is fixable the other is not#the fixable one would cost like $150-$400 to fix depending on if we get a used part or a new one#if its $150-$200 ish i can probably afford to pay for the whole thing or at least most of it#but if its more than that hopefully my dad or one of my family members can help#and i can just pay them back in like $50 increments with my next few paychecks#just realized i said i wouldnt worry abt the car thing today and also i think im at tag limit to i’ll stop now lmao xoxo gossip girl ❤️
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Just found out my two siblings are in my mom's will, but not me. Also my grandpa has told the entire family about his engagement. Except for me. Also my dad told my siblings that he and my mom bought a plot of land. Can you guess who they haven't told?
#these tags are about to be a massive trauma dump tbh so avoid if you want#when i was fifteen i came out as trans. and my mom was terrible about it. and my dad was up for a promotion so we were considering moving#and i found a list of my moms pros and cons for moving. on the pros was 'people there dont know about (deadname)'#so that was ideal for a suicidal fifteen year old to find. and tonight i just learned that im not in her will#both of my siblings are. but im not. and its just always been like this#im treated like im not part of the family anymore. and it's been that way since i was fifteen#i heard from my brother that my grandpa is engaged. and he told both my siblings about it directly. he never told me#i reach out to my parents. i never hear back. my aprents text my sibling to check on me (sib and i live together)#everything is kind of shit rn. one of my rats is dying. my family doesnt love me. im broke. my best friend and i arent really talking#because he fucked my ex gf and now things arent really the same anymore. strangely enough. he doesnt reach out anymore#so i have no one to talk to about any of this shit#last night i was crying about my rat and i guess my roommate heard it cuz this morning they said#'are you okay? if you ever need someone to talk to who will never bring it up again you can talk to me'#and thats the most loving thing ive heard from someone in months. from a woman ive known since august#im. just. at a loss. since i found out tonight. that im not in my mom's will#its not about money. or assets. its about the fact that im her fucking child and both of her other children are in it but im not#after she dies shes willing to help them out but i can get fucked ig#i wonder if im gonna be invited to my grandpas wedding. i wonder if any of them would want me at their funeral#i wonder if any of them would come to mine
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need Guz to hug me tightly for like an hour solid oh my god dhdjdkl I went driving for the first time in over a year and I chewed my lip raw 😭😭
I'm starting to look like a caricature of Anxiety with all these physical symptoms and signs LMAO
#this is so ridiculous fhfjdkdl#i do not like driving fjdkdl i know i should not be on the roads#but unfortunately i have to bc i live rural and also my parents insist i ''just need more practice''#practice is not going to fix the dissociation 😭😭 practice will not fix the Other Drivers being shitty and scary and reckless fjfkdl#it might make it slightly easier bc i wont have to think as hard about shoulder and mirror checks and roadsigns and speed limits#and where i am located on the road and intersection rules and whatnot#but like... it does not fix that i live in a town (and world lol) where ppl are fucking bonkers on the road#i had someone riding my ass for like a full five minutes. we had only two feet btwn us. MAYBE. IF THAT MUCH.#he was BIG mad that i was going the speed limit#and THERES A POLICE STATION LIKE RIGHT NEAR THAT AREA MY GUY IM NOT GONNA GO OVER THE SPEED LIMIT RIGHT THERE LMAO ????#also im a rule follower usually so i do tend to go Exactly the speed limit fjfkdl#and maaannn that makes people SO fucking angry dhfjdl its impossible to drive Anywhere without having someone right on ur bumper#its so ridiculous like... that's not helping anyone ??? ur not getting to ur destination faster by riding up on somebodys ass ???? hewwo ???#ANYWAYS. i drove around the neighborhood and then went up the highway and thru some intersections and then into the main core of town#and then i got my dad to take over from there bc it was lunch hour and the core of town is a lawless land at the best of times#MY NERVES ARE FRIED. i need Guz to act as a weighted blanket or one of those pressure therapy vests for me LOL#im like... shaking fhdjsl that was far more than i thought we were going to do for driving today good lord#IM OKAY THOUGH I SURVIVED I DIDNT EVEN HIT A CURB OR ANYTHING#i think I've only hit a curb once so far in all my times driving and that was on my second time driving on a road i think#so pretty good track record... im a very careful driver fjdkdl i work so hard to be safe and drive smoothly#during my driving test the only thing the test guy had to critique was that i waited at an intersection when i could've gone#but the reason i waited was bc i wasnt sure i could make it across the traffic lane before the oncoming vehicle got to us#so it was like. a safe decision overall but a little too hesitant which can actually be unsafe fjdkdl#AUGH ANYWAYS SORRY FOR RAMBLING SM#driving stresses me out so bad and my lip is all raw now and i have so many physical stress symptoms the past few days fhfjdl#after tonight i should be able to calm down a bit hopefully fhfkdl theres a thing we're going to tonight thats been stressing me out so bad#but after tonight it'll be over and hopefully I can get myself settled down again fjfjdkl#dandy.cmd#vent //
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tsutsumi gotta be the funniest choice to play sawashiro since he really does encapsulate his casting career of both action roles and being dad of the year (most of the time)
#snap chats#ill stop posting about this after tonight i prommy#sawashiro doesnt even register as a guy played by him though since sawashiro never smiles#yet the past like three things ive watched with tsutsumi he smiles SO much bless his soul#'dad of the year (sometimes)' is such a funny type to have#like 2/3 of material he's in he's a phenomenal father No Notes#and then the other few times its like. He's Still A Phenomenal Father but he's fumbling a bit for one reason or another#its so interesting tho Of Course I Peaked At The Bio he wanted to pursue mostly action roles#yet ended up playing mostly sensitive/emotional roles#he does it very well Might I Add he does a great job#his dad cast type is Pathetic Father Trying His Best and it shows its so funny#anyway ill try to focus on strictly rgg posting after this one i just needa ramble bout this somewhere cause it makea me laugh#im hangin out with my friend in like twenty mins and i wont be online until like tomorrow#so.... who wanna send me funny stuff to get to in the morn <3#ok forty minutes. im seeing her in forty minutes.#i need more punctual people in my circle first my family now my dorm mates 😭#anyway bye i gotta finish a comm but then i might be cringe and doodle jo later#as if i can finish a com in half an hour and have time to do a sketch good lord
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shoutout to my dad for saying "sorry for being racist" right after he and mum made some ... non-excellent jokes that i had to force myself to at least smile at as if i was laughing because otherwise I Am In Danger lmao. i think maybe he is at the very least learning a little bit which is good in that regard.
but also ... it is honestly a Bad Sign that he is apologizing like that because it means i have been too loud around parents about this stuff and I really really really need to bite my tongue more often and play along because I am edging into very very dangerous territory that I won't be able to undo and then I will be Fucked Over Forever!!!
#pippen needs 2nd breakfast#i hate this family i hate this house i hate my mother i hate my parents relationship i hate having to laugh and play along !!!!#i hate it i hate it i hate it i want me and dad to be free from here forever because he is redeemable but my mother will Never learn#but that won't ever happen and this whole family is trapped and tangled together and nobody is getting out of here#it is terrifying to realize!! but my siblings are forever tangled up with this family and i think i am the only one who can get out of here#and i have barely even a sliver of a chance. the others will never be free and they will never be happy. it hurts so much#i want my siblings to be okay but its not going to happen because they are too tangled up in my mother's web. they won't ever leave#and if i somehow manage to get out of here then i will have to remain tangled in the web still if i want to still talk to siblings and dad#they would all never forgive me if i went no-contact w mother so i am going to be trapped in this web forever. god.#sorry this is . so much more than i ever mean to post dghjkl i try to be quiet about things but it is Hurting tonight#abuse tw
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deep breath. PIERCING SCREAM.
#( ooc. ) OUT OF CIGS.#it's fine i'm fine this is fine#what happened to astra at newcastle totally didn't hammer home all his worst fears about becoming like his dad not at All#he's actually really fucking good with kids but he doubts himself so much that he doesn't believe it#he can still be awkward and impatient sure but jesus christ he is better than he thinks he is. he is Always better than he thinks he is#i am So Fucking Cool About This#don't mind my rambling sdhjk i'm doing a quick reread + rewatch before class so i can have his voice down for replies tonight#and rage of caliban drilled a hole in my head to the other side of the earth#( character study. ) A WALKING PLAGUE OF A MAN.
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I still just feel so drained today. And fragile.
#it's husband's day off but he got roped in to helping his dad with something then helping his mom with a project#and then he called a little while ago to let me know he was done but it's too foggy on the mountain to drive so he's going to have to wait#it out#and he already had plans to help our partner move some things but now he won't be back in time so they'll have to push those plans later#and he has other plans with his sibling and their friend later tonight#so today has gone from spending the day with him#to spending the day alone#and I'm still not fully recovered from the weekend#galactic gab#vent tw
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#tonight or tomorrow morning actually is the 4 year anniversary of my dog dying and like surprise surprise lol im still not over it like.#i honest to god dont think i ever will. i honestly dont know how people move on and get other pets and just. keep on living like i#understand it like for some people it's part of the healing process but i just could never do it. like i just cant even fathom#i dont know that's not the point. the point is im having such a hard time because everytime i do anything tonight i keep thinking#4 years ago i still had my dog or 4 years ago in 5 hours i didnt know id be going to the vet at 1am and going home without my dog at 5am#and i just keep reliving it no matter how hard i try to not. and on one hand i want it hurt like i want to remember it just to punish myself#i just i just cant move on like it's just. i went 24 years of my life without ever experiencing death and then 4 years ago today my dog dies#in the most tragic possible way ever and then 11 months later my other dog who i had for 17 years since i was 8 dies and yeah still#not over that one either because i never let myself process that or truly grieve her because i had to shut that up real tight#or i would have lost it for real. and i have the most fucked up miserable tragic dreams about her so many nights a week#because she was old and had been u know. like old dogs do they just decline and that was impossibly hard to watch but at least i kind of#knew it was coming u know but like with my other dog. there was just absolutely no warning it was so sudden and it just ripped me apart and#i honest to god will never be okay again and then 6 months after all that i find out my ex died and only because after 6 years i finally#Finally decide to have the guts to talk to him again and apologize and explain and try to be friends and then nope he's dead#then in between all those deaths a super close family friend died and my grandpa my dad's dad died and like it's just#i had never even experienced death before and then all of a sudden i was engulfed in it and i just dont know how to come back from it.#but tonight is just. painful. like i havent even said his name out loud since it happened. i cant talk about him at all just writing this i#want to cry like it just fucking hurts forever. and it should i guess.#and i feel so stupid because so many times i wonder if my cat even remembers them and i wonder if she misses them too and idk#that makes me feel stupid and emotional and im just a wreck but i should be.
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💭 for j.ames b.ond from y.uukoku no m.oriarty? (if you want! thank you :D)
(@candyforthebrain)
Hehe, sure thing, friend! I'd be happy to!! Thank you kindly for sending this to me - I hope you're having a good day!~
(source: this post by selfshipdiary)
send me a 💭 and one of your F/Os and i'll tell you what i think of them! - Alright, so, I opened up the wiki to start looking for more information, and as soon as I read this paragraph I immediately went "oh I really like this guy"
So I suppose that gives you your answer, in short - but, I did keep going, and doing so confirmed that I do definitely like his character a lot! ^-^
I hope that this answer is alright! Thank you very much again for sending this ask, friend~
#a call from the void#other selfships#since he's one of your platonic F/Os!#out of the inbox#selfship asks#cookies tag!#I wanted to try and get to the rest of the asks that were in my inbox before I slept#so here's this one#however with how tired I currently feel this is probably going to be the last one for the night#ironically enough i was sat with my dad watching skyfall earlier this evening#so to answer this ask tonight considering his name is perhaps fitting for that#selfshipping
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I love how my parents are at a point where some nights they just don’t feel like eating, so they decide not to make anything and tell me I’m fending for myself like three times a week, but my dad also loves cooking so the other four days a week he wants to make a family meal and gets annoyed when other people don’t eat it, so I can’t plan my dinners until the night of every night when I discover whether I’m in charge or I’m eating what he’s cooking, which happens unpredictably and in a way where there’s never food that I want to make myself when they decide they’re not hungry that night
#like it’s already pretty late and I made myself dinner the past two nights#so I’m like surely tonight he’ll want to make smth. It’s a Friday that’s prime family dinner time#and I go downstairs bc I’m getting hungry and I’m like hey any plans for dinner#and he’s like nope. make yourself smth#but I’ve been home alone basically all week so I’ve already made pretty much every one of my go to meals#and ofc I didn’t know about this ahead of time bc they never decide until like 5pm that night#so it’s not even like I can try and whip up smth fancy and more high effort#bc ideally I’d like to still have time to like. shower and shit before bed#I don’t have time to plan and cook a meal at this point#I just wish it wasn’t so unpredictable#bc some nights too I’m like ‘damn I just sort feel like soup tonight’#and I go downstairs and my dad is making like. hand made noodles or whatever the fuck#but then I’ll also be left high and dry other nights when the pantry is looking bare and he’s not in the mood to whip up a batch of noodles#which is fair! I just wish they could figure it out in advance or tell me nights when they’re at some work thing#or are gonna be eating a big lunch and therefore won’t be hungry later or whatever. or vice versa if they have meal plans tell me so I know#but no matter how many times I suggest this they never do#so I’m left deciding if I want liptons soup for the fifth time in three days or pasta with butter
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