#he makes me lose my marbles
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hey guys I Cannot stop thinking about the way that Barbossa is always turning the medallion over in his hands in COTBP. the minute he gets a hold of it he starts doing it. and maybe probably it was just because oooh spooky villain has mannerism that displays his condescending and self-assured air but I CANT shake the idea of him doing it as a sort of mindless habit that ties into the curse... because just the idea of him Not Being Able To Feel That!!! but he does it anyway because it's so naturally ingrained in people (especially to a seasoned pirate who has probably seen his fair share of valuable objects) to Feel The Texture on a textured item.
also the idea of it not even being a thought-out choice almost makes this MORE true to me. because if Geoffrey Rush really was just fidgeting with the medallion for no reason other than he felt like it does that not lend itself to this even more??? im sorry im Insane about this stupid fucking curse it drives me out of my MIND please I need to talk about it in excruciating detail
#potc#pirates of the caribbean#hector barbossa#captain barbossa#he makes me lose my marbles#chickooon ramblings
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nagi
*cums*
#ʚ ₊˚ 💬 — new emmail.#ʚ ₊˚ ⌕ — nonnie.#who is MOANING LIKE THAT—#i’m sorry he makes me have like out of body experiences#he makes me lose my marbles
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mmmmmm read a disciple shen yuan/shizun luo binghe fanfic about two days ago where the first chapter was the Immortal Conference arc, and SQQ was the one who had to be pushed into the abyss (he was still the villain) except Luo Binghe was refusing and was like, lowkey losing his mind about SQQ being so close to the edge. SQQ ended up having to be the one to fall in himself because of the system's punishment system. The rest of the fic is leading up to that moment. But like, MMM i've been obsessively thinking about that first chapter for DAYS ever since.
now i've been in svsss for a grand total of *checks watch* a week. but god obsessed with that. I want to write/read a fic where disciple SQQ goes a little nuts down there. Like keep all of the things that make SQQ, SQQ, but just. Throw in a little bit more trauma in there. A little bit of a mental break. Let him go a little nuts as a treat. Just a tad unhinged. I wanna see him go, just a little, "god fuck it, i've tried so hard to change this shitty story's outcome and it feels like everything i've done has been for nothing. I'm going to die in this world no matter what I do, I've been doomed from the start, so might as well die the way I want to." and he just, breaks a little! Under all the stress.
He still retains the traits that makes shen yuan, shen yuan, like his overwhelming kindness. But he's just! yk. A little less patient. Paranoid. Jumpy. Colder. A little more aloof and closed off. A little more Shen Jiu. He's no asshole child abuser, but he was a Number One Hater in his past life and he's leaning into that old habit a little more now.
(On a totally coincidental not-at-all related note, there's not enough SJ-and-SY-are-the-same-people fics out there that i've found. This is totally unrelated...)
The Endless Abyss turns the mind into an over-sharpened blade, and SQQ is both fascinated and perhaps a little excited to explore a place that doesn't have a lot of info on it in the mortal realm, but still terrified out of his mind. And he's no Luo Binghe, he doesn't have the sheer brute strength and power to just bulldoze his way through, so he has to be a lot more sneaky and cunning if he wants to survive.
The fic itself role-swapped LBH and SQQ so that SQQ was the half-demon (which lowkey fucks) and LBH the human, but I'm equally-if-not-more obsessed with the idea that LBH remains the half-heavenly demon and SQQ the human. If only because I keep thinking about SQQ befriending some demons (particularly and specifically a group of succubi) and they grow very attached to this Human Cultivator so through magic plot stuff they create some kind of seal/illusion/talisman that makes SQQ appear as a demon because a human cultivator in the endless abyss may as well be the equivalent of putting a giant neon target on your back.
And iirc Shen Jiu was taught demonic cultivation by that one guy(?? i've only been here a week so im not caught up in ALL of the lore yet) so that could totally happen here.
(On the other end of the realms, poor Shizun Luo Binghe is just. losing his fucking mind over losing his most precious and beloved disciple. About .5 seconds from burning down the peaks himself. somebody sedate him.)
The Endless Abyss sucks and SQQ is having a really terrible time and can feel himself going lowkey mad, but also holy shit look at all this WORLD-BUILDING. look at all this flora and fauna, and oh if he had the equipment for it he'd be writing all of this down. ALL OF IT. He was kinda-sorta-already planning on never leaving the Abyss as some sort of fucked up self-exile and self-preservation thing, but now he might? actually just?? never leave if he can help it, like he lowkey likes it down here.
anyways the next time anyone ever sees SQQ again he's got hair so long its almost touching the ground and he's either in rags and half-feral or he's been completely dolled up by his adoptive succubi sisters and still about three seconds from biting anyone who tries to touch him. (he's also lowkey trying to book it back down to the abyss even if he has desperately missed all of his friends and shizun)
#mxtx svsss#svsss au#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#luo binghe#disciple shen yuan#scum villain#svsss#*points at SQQ/SY* i want him to go nuts. as a treat. let him crumble just a little over the stress of his fate and the stress of survival#and the stress of having a lack of autonomy over a handful of his decisions. starry craves angst and she craves a very specific SQQ angst#he was a number 1 hater back in the day and lbr being a hater takes energyyyy. ive heard that this man was the BIGGEST hater i wanna#see him rip a man to shreds with nothing but his tongue and a voice that could cut marble clean in half. skin a man alive sqq you deserve i#*mortal kombat voice* FINISH HIM#i love without-a-cure but unfortunately i dont think SQQ would be able to have WAC and also survive in the abyss.#the succubi nest that adopted him tried seducing him at first. it didn't work. but he did somehow charm them with his cringefail ways#so now they have a brand new mortal big/little brother to dote on. SQQ is frankly delighted to learn all about succubi culture that doesnt#revolve around sex. he makes quite a few friends/allies in the abyss because of his pure fascination and unbiased desire to learn about#demonic culture and all the different niches and nuances of it across species. he's still going insane tho. like that's not stopping.#there's a single LBH pov chapter in the fic and its frankly so unhinged it was fantastic. he's so possessive. he straight up goes:#'oh SQQ isnt gonna be the next peak lord. he's ascending to heaven with me when i do :)' when Sha Hualing (also peak lord) told him that he#couldn't keep his disciple in the bamboo house all the time. what was SQQ gonna do when LBH ascends and he becomes the new peak lord?#gosh that first chapter is rotating around in my mind so bad. LBH was SO unwell. like losing his actual shit over SQQ near the edge.#i so want to write a oneshot abt this where SQQ is also in hysterics (albeit over slightly diff reasons) and tells LBH on his knees:#'this disciple deeply apologizes to his shizun. for he will not be ascending to the heavens with him.' right before he falls into the abyss#this au being disciple SY is for shits and giggles but i can also see it happening for regular SQQ bc 'fuck it im a dead man either way'#frothing at the mouth at this idea also being a SY-is-SJ au too. for the extra angst of SQQ trying to bear the weight of multiple lives on#his shoulders and trying to figure out what is real and what isn't and if he's meant to suffer in all of his lives no matter what he does.#not once in his life has he ever been free to do what he likes has he? self-hatred to the max. he's going mad. poor boy :]
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assorted scribbles and Love Bites!!!!
#THEYRE IN MY BRAIN THEYRE IN MY BRAIN MY FUCKING GOD THEY'RE IN THERE!!!!!#i want to PUNCH & BITE SOMETHING theyre soooooooo aghh bsdkjcJKDFNJSVDSL#sorry. sorry. look away im losing my Absolute Marbles#they make me so emotional....#having breathing problems while typing#they Affect Me and Effect Me and Everythingggggggg#literallyyyy FUCK everyone else theyre the only ones who matter#scribble salad#laughingstock#barnaby x howdy#howdy x barnaby#watch barnaby's gonna end up being the token straight-#hes bi In My Heart (until proven otherwise. probably gonna be proven otherwise)#tho man... his pokemon au design is So fruity.... WAIT WHAT EAR WAS THE EARRING IN?! hold on i need to look something up#THE LEFT EAR NOOOOO THAT'S THE STRAIGHT EAR-#again Im Just Joking! Joshing! Jesting! dont take this seriously please dear fucking god dont-#im simply a jester in this giant court. jingling my lil bells and doin a jig#fr tho when i first saw all the neighbors i looked right at barnaby and thought 'ah. thats probably the straight one huh'#BUT! WE HAVE NO CONFIRMATION EITHER WAY!#AND I AM AND ALWAYS WILL BE DELUSIONAL ABOUT LAUGHINGSTOCK! SO!!#straight barnaby can't hurt me he isn't real-#and ofc. howdy has always been so so fruity To Me <3#idk what it is about him! hes just! i look at him and my entire brain goes 'oh that mf has four limp wrists'#AND TOGETHER THEY ARE THE FLUFFY HUSBANDS!!!! WHO WONT LEAVE ME ALONE!!!
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i like to headcanon that yuri was always a fingercreeper, mostly because i’ve always been prone to getting overly emotionally attached to strange little creatures and other non-human things, and i simply like to think ymir is the same way
#also because i think it ties him to metyr and his desire to be a mother of fingers better#him mourning at yuri’s gravestone saying he’ll birth him whole someday also doesn’t make sense to me if yuri was human#since ymir knows very well that he’s becoming a mother of Fingers specifically#despite him losing a few of his marbles by the end#i LOVE seeing the angsty/cute ymir with human yuri fanart though it warms my heart so much#count ymir#elden ring#shadow of the erdtree#sote spoilers#speaketh#i cried while dissecting a flower in a science class once…………….#tl;dr ymir autism diagnosis Now
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errmmmm junior and donnie dood,,, they mean everything to me actually
#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt#teenage mutant ninja turtles#tmnt#rise donnie#rise casey jr#idk i just think he’s the favorite uncle#all of jr’s genius built things make me lose my Marbles#esp the camouflage cape . Hello#sorry for da low effort f!donnie design btw… it won’t happen again chef
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he’s becoming a symbol!!! edward’s becoming a symbol!!!! oh my god!!!!!!!!! me when i become more than myself!!!!!!!!!!!!! me when others affirm my existence!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#does anyone udnerstand how normal this makes me this is Literally all he wanted guys….#i’m going a little cuckoo im losing all my marbles#not really penguin spoilers hell he’s mentioned once and his symbol is seen with protestors#god i love world building i love reevesverse gotham j love it so much i need more#my thoughts#sidenote sofia falcone is so freaking beautiful i love unstable women
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hi i underestimated the lenght of this post but here's some q!philza rambling and thoughts about his current arc and lore cuz im kinda insane and i havent been the same person since the birdcage arc started
seeing qphil slowly but surely losing himself has been definetly something, its just an impending event that its taking too long to happen, there's gotta be some point where he breaks
cuz all this birdcage and missing eggs arc has been nothing but him feeling lost, losing his own purpose and place in the island, losing his sense of reality, he feels like a former shell of himself, always wandering around with nowhere to go or reason to BE there, yk? like he's experiencing some hard derealization symptoms its constantly affecting the way he approaches things, the way he approaches people. the empty stares when he saw the parrots or when he heard the thunder, it genuenly feels like he relapses back to that, like he lost all confidence in himself
constantly brushing off the birdcage as a dream, choosing to ignore the glaring red herrings that point into it actually happening (the weird vine, the trees, the avocado sapling, the trail of birds leading to the place, the indestructible grass, the weird blue vine, the toucans) and try to minimize whatever happened to him, not even thinking more about the feathers in his ticket... like just now he feels like he's a target, a part of something grander yet he doesnt believe that himself
ive said this before i think but qphil is one of those parents that had the least going on apart from taking care of his kids, yk? his only purpose was just to be there for his kids and be a hermit but now with them gone and no clue to where they could be he just feels hopeless and empty. like if dont grab him he'll dissapear, just something about him saying that he doesnt know where he should go anymore and that he feels so drawn to uppies now,,, just slowly starting to isolate from everyone else
is this the test quackity was talking about? is the world testing how long will phil endure the constant taunting before going insane? before choosing to isolate himself and leave everyone behind?
it feels like whatever is going on with him and now the special ticket he got is part of something more grander that his character is part of, something that somehow leads to a connection with quackity. feels like we're missing something crucial that will fit the piece that is missing with him, that explains the sudden involvement he now has and why they decided to fuck with his mind, to make him doubt himself in purpose. something that makes it so they are suddenly so interested in him
like yeah the whole bird thing is a huge possibility but why??? is he an experiment? is he patient zero of the hybrid experiments? is he a previous resident that escaped and then came back? why now focus on the whole crow hybrid thing now??? does he have a previous connection with the feds like jaiden and baghera have or is he like quackity and the feds are actively fucking with him
#qsmp#qsmp philza#txt post#long post#is anyone interested in some silly analysis about my favorite cubito lmao#it has just been spinning in my mind he actually makes me insane i need him to drop the most heart wrenching lore instead of dripfeeding it#cuz i am losing my marbles atp#also yes i am counting a cage for a cage / birdcage the start of an arc for phil#sorry if this is a lot i am trying to put my thoughts in place yet i keep losing my train of thought lmao
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oh he's sooooo messed up <3
#succession#succession spoilers#succession s4#roman roy#kendall roy#roman.......#he's like a little puppy to me and to the world#“i'm fucking annoying” (present tense) makes me lose my marbles
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okay but “he that thou knowest thine, Hamlet” has me kicking my feet and giggling rip shakespeare you would have loved archive of our own
#istg that line makes me lose my marbles#he that you know is yours#like#going fucking insane#ao3#hamlet
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haikyuu tiktok is sooooo annoying oh my god guys nishinoya deciding to stop playing volleyball post-time skip is literally not the end of the world he's fine dude. also sorry ur faves didn't go pro not everybody in that series were going to make it to the big leagues anyway. every single decision furudate made with that series was deliberate and realistic and fucking amazing. also no ur fave ship is never going to get together, haikyuu is about sports not romance. there is literally one canonical relationship within the entire series and it's fucking tanaka and kiyoko. iwaoi is not real, bokuaka is not real, kagehina is not real, kenhina is not real, and they never will be. kageyama is not a red flag you guys just don't know how to perceive autistic people in a positive manner without babying them. please just read the fucking manga
#sorry i had a lot to get off my chest#if i see one more video about people calling nishinoya a failed star because he decided to travel the world instead of confine himself to#a court for the rest of his life i am actually going to lose my fucking marbles#it almost makes me just as mad seeing people complain about kageyama and hinata being on different teams#THEY NEED TO BE ON DIFFERENT TEAMS TO PROGRESS WITHIN THE SPORT AND GROW AS PEOPLE#oh my god i am deleting the godforsaken clock app i can't stand it there#........ but how will i watch my vi from arcane and ellie williams edits😓#volleyball guys
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do you ever just sit there thinking about your favorite ocs while violently shaking. god. clenches fist. They're So.
#every time a song from their Joint Playlist comes on i go fucking feral#the betrayal the refusal to Let Go the haunting the persisting love the renunciation the resentment the abandonment the resignation#the overwhelming desire to do good vs the fear of admitting you were wrong vs the two people you love most tearing each other apart#AGHHHHH FUCK FUCK FUCK IM SUDDENLY DEEP IN THE ORIGINAL SAUCE#five seconds i was Normal. scribbling welcome home#then One Of The Songs Came On and now im losing my fucking marbles#perceived betrayals leading to real betrayals....#going too far and now its too late you're Committed you cant go back#he came to you thinking he could make you understand and you could work together to make things Better#and instead you ripped his heart out and left it bleeding on the floor for everyone to see#THEY MAKE ME MORE INSANE THAN LITERALLY ANYTHING#absolutely unprompted#the oc Unwellness comes and goes in waves but its the only true constant obsession with my life#god those three... my dearest darling Trio.... how old are they turning this year?#is it year eight of having them? year nine?#one of the two is for sure how long ive had My Specialest Boy Light Of My Life The Reason I Am Still Alive#the other two came after... maybe only mere months after but he was the first and he is just. i love him so fucking much#he is so so personal to me. he has a permanent place carved out in my chest#he sleeps on my ribs <3#the other day i was reminiscing about his development over the years. his changes his different Versions#and fuck... he's really changed with me huh??#his past selves are echoes of my own self over the years#like he is Very different from me but at the same time. i created him with little pieces of myself sewn in#we hold the same views the same beliefs. im not him and hes not me but we're Kindred yk yk#i think i need to go listen to his playlist.... how long is it now... let me check... 15 hours 13 mins... 228 songs...#my gay 5'2 powerhouse of a guy. him <3#maybe 'them' too he's played fast and loose with gender over the years. holy shit wait#his development echoes mine... i characterized him as 'fucks with gender norms' long before i realized my own gender fuckery#god damn. i love him even more now. i didnt think that was possible. im going to cry. hes so important to me#he has been with me through my worst years... and will be with me through all the hard times to come <3
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s/b: i don't like that thor features a love story
me: well let me tell you about how mcu!thor's core trait is his love and that includes love for his people, love for his homeland/home planet, love for his family and his brother in particular, love for the nine realms and earth in particular, and how that all boils down into love for jane— who's the most human of humans to him; who taught him how to be human too — so of course in the film where we're introduced to the mcu depiction of thor, his story is quintessentially a love story in both hope (jane) and tragedy (loki) and how those two things constantly conflict and contradict one another, and leave thor stranded in the middle because he loves both so dearly; patrick doyle crafted a beautiful OST featuring STRINGS and PIANO instead of just drums and horns because thor is strong and heroic, yes, he is, in fact, a hero but he's a beautiful hero because of his love because he is SOFT and it's reflected in the strings in both of his themes and—
#don't even get me started on how the avengers continues this particular theme so well#god the shot when loki has flung him from the ship and he moves to pick up the hammer and hesitates#y'all they intercut dialogue that someone speaks to banner overtop thor at that exact second#AND YOU KNOW WHAT IT SAID? “you fell from the sky”#he knew dang well he was worthy he /just/ used the hammer to get out of the hulk drop but he was thinking of loki#//who let go ... who was presumed dead for a year//#who .... //fell from the sky//#don't even get me EXTRA started on tdw and how it just keeps this train rolling lord the music of thor's 2 themes in that one too i just#lose my marbles every time gang i wish i had more technical terms and fancy composer lingo to explain this#alas all i have is a lifetime of choir classes and HS band + orchestra#which means that i know what i /feel/ but i can't explain it too good BUT HEAR ME OUT I'M TELLING YOU#his themes in TDW and 2011 both spell out /love/ what makes him a hero is his love !! he's love !!#&&. whispers#&&. meta#&&. | marvel. |#&&. thor.#so anyways guess who's listening to earth to asgard + sons of odin again and crying
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Say what you will about the Cyrano movie (and one day I'll be able to in a halfway articulate manner), but I am still mildly obsessed with "Every Letter", and I think about this ending couplet all the time...
Your letters are drawings on me from above I know who you are and I know you are loved
Just... the idea of Cyrano and Christian receiving a letter in return from Roxanne and feeling their breath catch both with ecstasy and with bitter regret.
I know who you are...
But she can't. But she mustn't. But it would break her heart--she would never trust them again. But it wouldn't be fair to Christian. But Cyrano could never show his face again. But they already feel themselves burn under her gaze, and to meet it honestly without the armor of a soldier, of these letters, would scorch them until nothing remains. But the only true honor is to hide, even if they know it's really the coward's way out. But the only safety (if they were being brutally honest with themselves) is to hide.
... and I know you are loved.
But God, they wish they didn't have to.
#It's four thirty in the morning and I have been slam-dunked back into Cyrano Hell...#Listen okay ever since the movie introduced the idea of *Roxanne actually writing back* I have been even less normal about these idiots.#The imagery is so fucking delicious either way because you get to imagine either the two of them sitting close enough together#that they can both read either together or over the other's shoulder and just... occupying that space together the two nearly becoming one#and I get to lose my mind over the proximity and the warmth between them forged in the fire of their love for Roxanne.#OR *or or*... the two of them taking turns reading and just *watching* the other's face as they read trying to glean from their expressions#what she might have said and the intensity of that study becoming its own terrible intimacy that right now they can only show through proxy#and I *also* get to lose my mind over Cyrano watching Christian and musing that even if his partner might look like a marble statue#he's never seen a marble statue make that face before but he's *definitely* seen it from Roxanne and it's just as coronary-inducing on both#and Christian watching Cyrano and musing that this might be the closest he'll ever come to seeing the pride of the cadets#and the mythic figure he's built around himself completely *shatter* if only for a moment... he's *human* and he's *exquisite.*#CANNOT be normal about it... it's 'So--here's my heart under your velvet now'--#it's 'I've loved but one (man) in my life and now I must lose him twice'--#it's the darkness of the balcony and the endless sunshine metaphors regarding Roxanne herself--#it's the goddamn Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known and how much Roxanne *craves* it from two men terrified to submit to it...#God these three make me sick I love them so much.#cyrano de bergerac
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Preview of Monday's snippet of Meddling Mar:
"Who combed your hair?" Jak asked after a moment.
He knew darned well Mar hadn't done it himself. If there was one constant between their paradoxical childhood, it was that they both hated the feel of a comb against their scalps.
"The snitch did it."
"The...the what."
Jak squinted at him.
"What snitch?"
Mar scowled. "He's the guy that guards the door. Before you came, I tried to leave to find you. But the snitch always finds me and brings me back to tell the monks!"
Jak looked at him blankly.
"Um..."
"He's so weird!" Mar complained, "He made me go to bed while the sun was still up! But then he brought a board game for me and Daxter, and fixed my hair! But he tells on me to the monks!"
The little boy sulked.
"Just make up your mind already! Quit playin' "good grownup, bad grownup", right?"
#meddling mar au#my art#i 100% just colored over a BOTW screenshot to get that room#jak and daxter#jak and daxter au#jak and daxter mar#Jak in this au has a better first impression of Damas and really wants his approval#Mar meanwhile sees him as That Guy Who Makes Me Go To Bed Early and is jealous of how much Jak likes him#he thinks this big spiky dude is stealing his big brother when poor Damas is trying to parent them both without losing his marbles
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I don't care when people don't include me in stuff, I'm used to it but-----
my own family going on a trip w/o even asking me kinda felt
shit 🫠
#like i understand cuz they gave up on trying to talk to me butttttttt#why the fuck am i the villain in the story even like this 😭#its okay if u dont give a fuck abt me. but at least dont make me feel like i deserve it lol#like yes sorry but i have a reason for lowkey disliking all of you#and i know damn well all of you know why#yet they always say that it makes no sense i behave this way#behave this way means keeping my healthy distance and trying to move out asap#i dont spread hate and im not an asshole with them???#but me not acting all lovey dovey is a problem too#yes idk i always think i should cherish that they are still alive and i could better my relationship with them but#What to do when you can see your own dad literally hating you#like when he talks to me he always does so in a cynical and angry way#man im sorry i was born and shit its kind of your fault for not using a condom :/#lol okay i think imma delete this later but yes#yes i hate it that the only people i feel loved by are de*d ffsssssssssssssss#like all is well lately but i wish! love wouldn't only exist in my head man! im happy this way but when i realize the situation its kind of#pathetic and idk until how long#can i keep on staying sane like this lol#im kind of already insane if we think abt it but how long will it take me to lose my marbles completely 😭#yes this crisis was spiraled by just me not being included in a trip i wouldnt have gone to regardless if they asked me#but yes like. Idk they could have just told me at least😭 i called my sis in the morning and she responded like 10 hours later that they are#w dad and a womannn doing some funsies eating pancakes n shit 👻👻#i hate pancakes and i hate myself but 👻#im jealous of you guys frrrrr🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛ for being so normal n happy 🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛
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