#he ma loyal pimp

[modernmanblues]

learns one gang sign and all of a sudden he think gangsta.

[bucky-h0e]

A/N: The start of Bucky and Alpine's adventure in the 40s! I hope you all enjoy, please interact with the post if you do! I am always open to feedback

warnings: canon level descriptions of violence and injury, minor character death, illegal activities (Alpine is lying to everyone), Bucky and Alpine having a rough relationship tbh, Alpine bullies Peggy in the beginning, grieving Alpine is sad

Pimp My... Buzz Wagon? | Masterlist

Alpine Joins The Howling Commandos

Peggy knew as soon as she met the other Howling Cammandos that they would be a rag-tag group of troublemakers for the SSR

as soon as she saw them in that bar

drunk off their asses and singing like the drunkards they are, not a care in the world

she just knew

so when Steve put together this team and she had gone for her own little investigation and seen there was no medic on said team

she realises that although Steve is courageous, brave, loyal and trust worthy

a good man

he was also a bloody idiot

so, she another little investigation and found a medic for the team

Steve can heal as fast as he likes but he still has teammates with regular healing abilities that may require medical assistance

now Peggy des have a little crush on America's Golden Boy (fucking understatement of the decade) so she's a little particular about the medic she chooses

she wants them to be well read, keeping up to date with all medical advancements that had been happening throughout the war

she wanted them to be quick on their feet and not scared to improvise - lord knows they'd have to do a lot of that with the new weaponry being built by HYDRA

so when she hears of Doctor Andrew Doe, a Korean-American doctor making a name for himself in the front lines by experimenting and sharing his findings with the allied forces

she knows that this is the guy

imagine her surprise when she gets to the bases records show he's supposed to be in to find him gone

she'd managed to get a hold of someone, a young man looking as if he were in a rush but not wanting to be rude to the pretty lady who had ordered him to stand at attention

"Where is Dr Doe, I need to speak with him."

"I'm sorry ma'am, he died a few days ago."

well shit

there goes that plan

"His daughter has taken over his research and then some. Names Miss Alpine Doe. She's young looking, but the document's are legitimate."

oh great

so now her option is a young looking girl who needed her documents checking

just fantastic

how could it get worse?

"How young?"

"Certificate says 18 years ma'am."

a fucking child

brilliant

"Well then. Do you know where she is?"

"Yes ma'am, she was called out to one of the nearby bunkers, they got wound-"

a buzzing interrupts them, the unmistakable sounds of a siren and a vehicle honking as men surrounding them rush to the open area

the truck skids to a halt and the back doors burst open, a young girl climbing out and beginning to pull a stretcher out

"Get me plasma, bandages and morphine. I need as much as we can spare, poor bastard got shot to bits, lucky to be alive right now. Let's get him stable and home to his ma."

surprise was not the word Peggy would use to describe her current emotions, watching this definitely not 18 year old girl work and order the much older men surrounding her

and they listened

"Miss Doe has worked on all of us, ma'am"

it's the young man she'd caught before hand, she turns to look at him and he's got an awestruck look on his face

"Most of us came here wounded, Miss Doe saved most of our lives or at least stabilised us so we could get home to a hospital. She's a fine medic, if that's what you're looking for."

Peggy watches as Alpine and a few of the other men begin to walk back into one of the many tents which held beds for the injured

she can't get far though, before another two trucks come blaring through

perhaps this would be the perfect test

Peggy watches as Alpine assesses her situation, getting a nearby medic to hold the wound she had been previously, running to the first of the trucks

"GSW, left shoulder, straight through."

she turns to the second

"It's bad miss, explosive went off nearby, leg's basically gone."

tutting, she turns back to the tent just as two teams of three come racing out

"Philips, take the first one. Multiple GSW's, three exits. Find the shrapnel, get it out, get him stitched. Taylor, take the second. You,"

She turns to Peggy, a hard look in her eyes

"Get lost or start helping."

the fucking audacity of this kid, does she know who she's talking to

no absolutely not

does she care

fuck no

is Peggy equip to be a medic?

no, but does that mean she'll sit and let men die?

definitely not, so, she shucks off her coat, rolls up her sleeve and let's alpine guide her into help

and boy is that girl fucking bossy

and mean

"Press harder Carter, jesus do you want this man to bleed out?"

"The man's just lost his leg, give him the bloody painkiller!"

"They should make basic first aid a mandatory skill to learn when you become an agent. Oh wait, they do."

"Carter you're not wrapping a Christmas present for gods sake, faster!"

by the end of it, Peggy is pretty sure she's picked the right person for the job

if anyone was going to be giving medical aid to a group of sarcastic, stupidly cheery and sometimes grumpy men then it should be at least someone who could hold their own

so when all is said and done, they'd managed to get the poor man stabilised and Alpine was organising his immediate transfer out of the unit and to an actual hospital, Peggy approaches

"Miss Doe, I have a proposition for you."

"Unless it's to do with shipments of morphine, plasma, bandages, gauzes, tunicates and all the other supplies I've been badgering everyone about, I'm not intrested."

"I'd like to offer you a position in the Howling Commandos. You'll be working with Captain America, Steve Rogers and his team."

Alpine blinks at her

staring

not moving

before she gestures to the space around her

"I've got men dying as we speak and you want me to drop them just to work with a lab rat and his crew?"

"They need a medic, you are the only one qualified enough. I didn't know about your father, I'm sorry for your loss, but please do not let this be a wasted journey."

Alpine's eye twitches

"You helped save a man and it's a wasted journey?"

Peggy sighs and shakes her head, clearly she's approaching this girl wrong

"I'm simply saying- this isn't the opportunity to skip out on, especially for someone like you."

Alpine knows she's speaking of not only her age but also gender

this was the 1940s after all, not exactly the golden era for women in the military

or medical services

"You're incredibly talented. Captain Rogers and his team need someone like that to keep up with their absolute stupidity."

Alpine laughs, signing the papers she'd been working on and handing them to one of her colleagues before looking at Peggy and offering a smile

"I'm sorry Agent Carter. I made a promise to my eldest brother. No working with Captain America. After what happened with the 107th and the other forces, he's been a bit protective - as much as he can from the front lines. I'm afraid I can't go against my promise to him."

Peggy nods but takes a slip of paper and writes the details she'd need to contact her and hands it to her

"Please, if you change your mind before the war is done, don't hesitate to contact this number."

Alpine nods and the two separate, Alpine returning to her work in the bloodied clothing she'd arrived in and Peggy feeling like she needed a bath after helping remove a man's leg and stitch it up again

it's weeks later when Alpine contacts the number, she'd refused to give any details to the receptionist who picked up but instead managed to organise a way to their base in London

to say Peggy was shocked was an understatement

The Howling Commandos had all come into the meeting room for their first debriefing after destroying the first HYDRA base on Steve's list

and the need for a medic had never been more obvious

Dum Dum had a large gash on his arm and had refused to seek medical assistance, instead stating that it was 'just a graze, it'll heal over night'

absolute bullshit

even Bucky had told him to get help but the man refused, Steve had suggested getting it checked out before the briefing, just to get Peggy off their back (to ease her concerns) and again Dum Dum had refused

imagine the absolute rage on Peggy's face

honestly, these men were the reason's she'd found a grey hair that morning she was sure of it

not that she'd ever mention anything to anyone

ever

She was about to order the man to seek help when the door to the briefing room opened to reveal a worn out Alpine

covered in less blood than when Peggy had left her, eyes darkened with loss and large bags settling in her undereye

her hands were dirty, holding tightly onto two letters, and she looked frailer

younger

weaker

"Sorry for the interruption Agent Carter, but she said she had an appointment and insisted-"

"It's quite alright. Miss Doe is a friend."

as she moves closer to the girl, the rest of the men surrounding them take the opportunity to study her

and bucky is in shock

what the hell is a child doing in their briefing room?

seriously, she was what 16? (15 - but he didn't need to know that)

she's there, blood splattered on her sleeves, dirt in her nails and her hair thrown up in a ratty bun

she looked like she came straight from the front lines

but she should have been at home

with her parents

why the hell, was she here?

"I'd like to take you up on your offer, Agent Carter."

Jesus even her fucking voice was a tell-tale sound that she was underaged

and Peggy had made her an offer?

for what?

"I take it your brother changed his mind?"

ah so she had a guardian at least

"My brother died, ma'am."

fuck

"Miss Doe.... I'm sorry."

there's a shared moment of silence for the loss before Alpine is looking up and trying to smile at her

"So, if your offer still stands, I'd like to take it."

Alpine spies Dum Dum's arm and thanks god that she carries a satchel of supplies with her everywhere

she'd sold rations for them and was sure she got some odd looks off of people for it but she didn't care

better safe than sorry

Peggy gives her arm a gentle touch before turning to address the men who had been staring at her, a pissed off Bucky included

"Gentlemen, this is Alpine Doe. A little younger then you're all used to-" bucky scoffs, Steve elbows him "-but a great medic nonetheless! She'll be joining you, no arguments."

her words are final and the rest of the team seem fine with it

they jump up, everyone greeting and shaking her hand

normally she'd love meeting people who weren't screaming in her face, but she can't bring herself to truly enjoy the moment, despite the pleasant smiles and pats on her shoulders

Steve offers his hand and she takes it, smiling at him

"Good to have you. We'll take good care you you, like you will us I'm sure."

Bucky is glaring at all of them

they're all idiots

he knew that but jesus

are they truly THIS stupid?

"Are we ignoring the fact that she's an actual child?"

he didn't realise he spoke

truly

he thought he'd spoken to himself

but it came out

and it came out harsher than what he would have liked it

no stopping now, someone had to stand up for the kid

her brother obviously didn't want her here

"I'm 18, Sergeant Barnes."

"And I'm the King of England."

they stare at each other, glaring really

Bucky can see the tears building in Alpine's eyes

he didn't think he was pushing too much

but then again

SHE'S A CHILD

he doesn't push too hard after seeing the tears, actually takes a minute step to comfort her before she's turning her attention to where Dum Dum had sat, now tending to the gash on his arm

distracting herself from the overwhelming frustration building in her stomach

Bucky turns to Phillips

"You're signing off on a kid working with us? Going into HYDRA bases? With their weapons, what's the use of a medic?"

Phillips sighs and shakes his head, frustrated with the entire situation to be honest

"You're still using regular explosives, regular bullets. They ricochet, debris exists, you get a cold, she's there to keep you healthy and on your feet."

"Now, because she's a medic, she'll be a non-combatant member of the Howling Commandos, the only one."

what

the

fuck

honestly

the world has gone to shit at this point

"So let me get this straight. She's an underaged girl-"

Alpine goes to correct him, but he points an accusatory finger at her that shuts her up because it reminds her of her brother

"-that you've let become a medic in the army and now, you're putting her, unarmed, up against weaponry that quite literally vaporises whoever it hits?"

"She's done it before Sergeant, now one more outburst from you and I'll be forced to take disciplinary action!"

Steve elbows him again and he shuts up

he wants to fight for this girl but can't let Steve go out there alone

he hates the fact that this girl is clearly in over her head

and everyone is just letting her

it reminds him of the Steve he knew before the serum

the one who would stop at nothing to get into the war

the one who faced prison for lying on his enlistment papers

was he truly the only person who saw this all for what it was?

the leading of a lamb to slaughter for their own goddamn advantage

that much was shown when they moved out to their next base after the debrief

Alpine had avoided them all after patching up Dum Dum, whose arm had healed beautifully

she went straight home after the meeting and only saw them all again when they were meeting for the plane back abroad

even then, she kept to herself and refused to speak

Bucky would glance over occasionally from where they sat on the plane, watching her read and re-read the same two letters in her hands which she carried in her pockets when her hands were busy working

Steve had sat next to her, trying to coax her into a gentle conversation but she'd answered with little words and left not room for the conversation to continue

when she wasn't reading the letters or working on someone, she was writing in a little blue journal, with a black journal open and glancing between them both

she'd scribble in the black one occasionally but for the most part, the blue journal was the only one she wrote in

what she was doing Bucky didn't know

but it was clear it was important to her

occasionally the others would tease her, trying to get her to open up

but again, they were being blind to the truth about this girl

she was a child and she was grieving

he could see it in the way she's hold her breath when she read the letters

wiping away unshed tears and pulling at her hair

Bucky sighs, nodding to Steve and making him swap seats with him in the tight aircraft, causing everyone to glance up at them

he settles next to Alpine, nudging her when he sat and played it off like he hadn't noticed

if no one else was going to support her

then he'd have to do it himself

[cryptid-killjoy]

Brandy Beagle - ((Natasha Lyonne)) - Babyface’s birth mother - ALIVE

She was born by the name Candy Birkenstock. That’s what’s on her birth certificate. The father was actually quite talented in forgery and tried to ditch Ma Beagle for some other whore. He still wanted his baby girl. He stole the baby right from the hospital after shooting Ma Beagle up with H to set her up as unfit. He messed with the wrong criminal outfit. That was a man that was never heard from again, nor his hoe. 

Eventually her name was blurred to Brandy. Some think it was to follow the B rule. Others say it’s because it’s her favorite drink. Others say it was her stripper name and then there’s even others still that say she was just a flat out alcoholic so there was nothing else to call her when you couldn’t understand what was coming out of her mouth.  

She is the mother of Bacon, Baggie, Bouncer, Bluescreen, Megabyte, and Bebop. That is mother of seven Beagle children including Babyface. This chick was squeezing them out none too careful on the birth control as Ma Beagle pimped her out or maybe she just fell in love a few times. That’s a story for her to tell. 

Bacon was already a blow with his pig transformation years ago by Magica DeSpell. However - his spell will save him - Bacon survived if only because the spells in Feral didn’t affect animals. So he may be among many of the loose and free roaming hogs in the city if he can manage to find food. ALIVE

Bluescreen was incarcerated at the time Horned King’s take over. He already had rumors surfacing he was a traitor and working for McDuck but there was no proof. This prison was inside Nola and he has perished into Delta’s army of darkness now as a random zombie around Feral. He’s probably walking circles in his prison cells still locked up after dancing himself to death. ALIVE

The rest are MIA since the Horned King take over and the dancing plague. Babyface assumes they’re gone and stuck in Feral like the rest of the walking dead. TBA SOON

So as far as anyone knows Babyface is her last and soul survivor of all her Beagle babies. ALIVE

Brandy is currently incarcerated on a second degree murder charge serving 30 years without parole and wrapped up in appeals courts. She never lets up. She also never makes much headway. The state has no intentions of letting Brandy Beagle out of detention. They even keep putting her in bad situations on purpose hoping she’ll cop more charges as if she doesn’t have enough time already. They’re trying to make her time as hard as possible. That’s what her rep earned her on the inside. So, she has to work twice as hard to keep her cool in there, keep her armor up. 

That said, this is the kind of life she’s lead and where she came from. Ma Beagle considered her a loyal Beagle that could be trusted and a good breeder that contributed to the cause. The cause being more boys for the Beagles to rely on. She had all boys. The boy moms were like queens in Ma Beagle’s place so her incarceration was a hard blow. 

But now that everyone’s gone here come Ellie and Babyface thinking they’re really going to bust her out of prison. They have no fear of the fugitive life feeling like they already are ones. With limited communications and no one contacting her right now she’s got no idea what’s really going on out there with Nola or who’s left. So their visit is going to have significant impact for her whether they could get her out or not.   

[your-turn-to-role]

Hey Look Ma, I Made It by Panic! At the Disco for Scanlan pre-85

oh that’s a fun twist on what’s normally a very happy/celebratory song becoming scanlan’s cover for everything he doesn’t want to deal with which eventually blows up (particularly that verse about friends, goddamn)

(also, you know, scanlan’s mother in general)

[All my life, been hustling And tonight is my appraisal 'Cause I'm a hooker sellin' songs And my pimp's a record label This world is full off demons Stocks and bonds and bible traders So I do the deed, get up and leave A climber and a sadist, yeah]

[Are you ready for the sequel? Ain't you ready for the latest? In the garden of evil I'm gonna be the greatest In a golden cathedral I'll be praying for the faithless And if you lose, boo-hoo]

[Friends are happy for me Or they're honey-suckle phonies Then they celebrate my medals Or they wanna take my trophies Some are loyal soldiers While these other thorns are rosy And if you never know who you can trust Then trust me you'll be lonely, oh]

[Hey look ma, I made it Hey look ma, I made it Everything's comin' up aces, aces If it's a dream, don't wake me, don't wake me I said hey look ma, I made it]

[hitchell-mope]

Hey look ma, I made it by the children of Hades

Hadie: All my life, been hustling

And tonight is my appraisal

Evie: 'Cause you’re a hooker sellin' “songs”

And you’re pimp's a “record label”

Mal: This world is full off demons

Stocks and bonds and bible traders

Hadie: So I do the deed, get up and leave

I’m a climber and a sadist, yeah

(He stands up, pulling the girls with him as he goes)

Are you ready for the sequel?

Ain't you ready for the latest?

Mal: In the garden of evil

I'm gonna be the greatest

Evie: In a golden cathedral

I'll be praying for the faithless

(Pointing witheringly at Harry)

And if you lose, boo-hoo

All three: Hey look ma, I made it

Hey look ma, I made it

Everything's comin' up aces, aces

If it's a dream, don't wake me, don't wake me

I said hey look ma, I made it

(The girls jump off the dais and make they’re way to Hook)

Mal: Friends are happy for me

Evie: Or they're honey-suckle phonies

Mal: Then they celebrate my medals

Evie: Or they wanna take your trophies

Harry (voice dripping with sarcasm): Some are loyal soldiers

While these other thorns are rosy

The girls: And if you never know who you can trust

Then trust me you'll be lonely, oh

Mal: Are you ready for the sequel?

Evie: Ain't you ready for the latest?

Mal: In the garden of evil

Evie: I'm gonna be the greatest

Mal: In a golden cathedral

Evie: I'll be praying for the faithless

(They head back to the dais)

Both: And if you lose, boo-hoo

Hadie, Mal and Evie: Hey look ma, I made it

Hey look ma, I made it

Everything's comin' up aces, aces

If it's a dream, don't wake me, don't wake me

I said hey look ma, I made it, I made it

I said hey look ma, I made it, I made it

Mal: I see it,

Hadie: I want it,

Evie: I take it, take it

All three: If it's a dream, don't wake me, don't wake me

I said hey look ma, I made it

The girls: (Mama best believe it, Mama best believe it)

Hadie: Hey look ma, I made it

The girls: (Think I must be dreamin', wide awake and dreamin')

Hadie: Hey look ma, I made it

The girls: (Mama best believe it, Mama best believe it)

Hadie: Hey look ma, I made it

The girls: (Think I must be dreamin')

All three: Hey look ma, I made it

[droxley]

pray for the wicked

pray for the wicked is considered the shittiest panic! album by many. they say that the music gets boring, and the lyrics are meaningless. while i do agree that the music can get boring, the lyrics don’t seem as meaningless as they seem at first glance. in fact, if you look closer at the lyrics, you can see that they’re actually a lot darker than they seem. while they aren’t as poetic as they were before the split, they can still require a bit of unpacking, which will be happening in this post (or an attempt at it).

DISCLAIMER: ALL OF THE FOLLOWING ARE IDEAS. I AM IN NO WAY CLAIMING THAT THIS IS WHAT THE LYRICS ACTUALLY MEAN. not all of these ideas are mine; i have had a handful of friends online who have helped dissect the meanings.

1. (fuck a) silver lining

brendon has said that the message of this song is that essentially nothing is good enough, that you should never let anything be good enough. while the mindset of “nothing is ever good enough” is a good mindset to have, if you’re a perfectionist/have anxiety and what you create isn’t ‘good enough’ for you, it can tear you down.

“no wings of wax or endless mountains” - these are both most likely referencing the greek myths of icarus and sisyphus. icarus and his father daedalus ran from king minos from crete, via wings made of feathers and wax. however, icarus, having too much fun, flew too close to the sun, causing the wax to melt and the feathers to fall off. now wingless, icarus fell down to earth. sisyphus was doomed to roll a boulder up a mountain for eternity. the catch was this: every time he got near the top, the boulder would roll back down the hill, forcing him to start over again. by saying that there will be none of these, brendon’s essentially saying that the misfortunes of icarus and sisyphus aren’t going to happen.

“sunset shadows through the trophies” - not sure what this means, but the sunset and trophies come up again in this album. ‘trapped in your sunset bungalow,’ from dying in la. ‘they wanna celebrate my medals or they want to take my trophies,’ from hey look ma, i made it. ‘oscars and emmys and grammys, everyone here is a trophy,’ from roaring 20s.

2. say amen (saturday night)

“been travelin’ in packs that i can’t carry anymore; been waiting for somebody else to carry me” - a pack is another word for group, and to ‘carry’ can mean to lead a team to victory, especially if they’re not very good or dead. brendon could be saying that he’s been leading a group, and is now waiting for someone else to come and help him.

“if i try to change my life one more day, there would be nobody else to save” - if he tries to change his life, and by extension, himself, he’s saying that there would be nobody else to save. he either doesn’t need saving, or doesn’t think that he can be saved.

3. hey look ma, i made it

this song is supposed to be celebratory, and it is, mostly. there are a few parts, like when brendon talks about how his ‘friends’ want to take his trophies from him. brendon did make it, he got to the top, but it seems like he’s sacrificed a lot to get up there.

“all my life been hustlin’ and tonight is my appraisal; cause i’m a hooker selling songs and my pimp’s a record label” - brendon is literally comparing himself to a prostitute, calling himself a hooker and the music industry his pimp. while this relationship wouldn’t be too far from the truth, saying that he’s a prostitute can be seen as a bit extreme. after all, he has plenty of money, while prostitutes are there because they have no other way to get money.

“this world is full of demons” - the world is full of terrible people and things, yes, but brendon goes all the way to say that it’s full of demons. it’s also interesting that he chose the world ‘this’ instead of ‘the.’ it’s implying that there are more worlds than this one, and that just adds to the whole vibe in king of the clouds. however, this could also be saying that there are different worlds that can be accessed by doing drugs or drinking. 

“so i do the deed, get up and leave” - brendon is, yet again, most likely referencing prostitution. doing the deed is a way of saying having sex. as for getting up and leaving, well... prostitutes get paid, satisfy their clients, and then get up from the bed and leave.

“friends are happy for me or they’re honeysuckle phonies” - he’s essentially saying that ‘friends’ are happy for him, or they’re fake. as for ‘honeysuckle:’ the victorian language of flowers used honeysuckle to show devotion. if you keep that in mind, this phrase says that his friends are happy for him, or they’re devoted fakes.

“some are loyal soldiers while these other thorns are rosy” - this directly follows the lyrics above. he’s saying that some of his friends are loyal and stay with him no matter what (soldier), while others he calls thorns. by calling them rosy, he’s essentially saying that while they do look nice, they will still draw blood.

“and if you never know who you can trust, then trust me you’ll be lonely” - if you look at the previous two phrases, he’s split the people into two groups: those who stay by his side, and those who don’t. brendon could be saying that by not knowing which one of these you can trust, you can be taken advantage of and ditched.

“think i must be dreaming, wide awake and dreaming” - this just reminds me of king of the clouds, either because it sounds like he’s on something or disassociating. it’s probably supposed to be happy, because being a rock star was one of brendon’s biggest dreams, but since it sounds so much like king of the clouds (which doesn’t really seem all too positive to me), i just can’t hear it.

the song aside, if we look at the music video, it basically says that musicians are just easily replaceable puppets. also, if the amazing beebo is supposed to be brendon and his way to fame, then that would mean that brendon actually had a phase where he did cocaine. yes, he got better, but it’s also possible that he wouldn’t have gotten better.

4. high hopes

this is the song that really helped panic! be more recognized and really helped bring in more fans. say what you want about it (i personally do agree that it is overplayed and also rather repetitive but... listen to the instrumentals?), but this song is one main component in panic!’s success today.

“stay up on that rise and never come down” - you’re going to have to come down at some point. he’s at the highest point at this song, but the anticipation for when you’re going to come crashing down nearly overpowers that.

5. roaring 20’s

there’s a lot to unpack on this. buckle up.

brendon has said that this song was based off his time on broadway and kinky boots, but there seem to be references that could be based off touring.

“broadway is black like a sinkhole” - brendon was on kinky boots on broadway. he has said multiple times that it was a good experience overall. so then why would he say that broadway is black (a color often associated with evil), and like a sinkhole? it would be interesting to note that a sinkhole is something that’s caused by a collapse in the surface layer.

“this is the oddest of summers” - i don’t want to look too far into the fact that he chose to use the word ‘odd.’ there are a fair amount of synonyms, but he chose to use the one that’s in the album title of pretty. odd., which is interesting. on top of that, summers (or at least the day and night/sun and moon) seem to hold a deeper meaning in panic!’s lyrics. there are multiple mentions in pretty. odd. and v+v.

“the past on the pavement below me” - earlier in the verse, it is sung that the narrator of this song is on the rooftop. something on the pavement below them would probably mean that it got either pushed off, or it jumped. either way, it’s dead. brendon is essentially saying that the past is dead. but did he push it, or did it jump?

“my telltale heart’s a-hammer in my chest” - the tell-tale heart is a short story by edgar allan poe, narrated by someone who tries to convince the reader that they’re sane while describing how they murdered an old man. at the end, the narrator gave themselves up, as something caused them to hear a hammering noise that they interpreted as the heart of the dead man. why exactly brendon would put this reference in this song, i’m not sure, but referencing books/stories is something that has happened often, especially in afycso. it’s also interesting that he would refer to the telltale heart as his. in addition, using this reference adds to the overall vibe of the song. murder and insanity aren’t very happy things to be writing about.

“cut me a silk tie tourniquet” - silk is often a way of showing off wealth and status. a tourniquet is a way to help staunch bleeding. again, this just adds on to the imagery of the song. more blood.

“this is my roaring, roaring 20’s, i don’t even know me” - it sounds like brendon’s looking back at himself and who he was, and that he can’t even recognize himself at this point. this also sounds self deprecating in a way. your twenties are supposed to be around when you peak, as you’re still young, but have the freedom to do whatever you want. this idea is further helped by the fact that the word ‘roaring’ is put in there. (of course, that could just be a nod to the time period.) however, the ‘i don’t even know me’ just sounds like he’s getting high all the time and letting the past all blend together, like “look at me, i’m peaking, i’m out here getting wasted.” not remembering what happened is a side effect of excessive drinking and sometimes drug use, which seems to be a recurring theme in this album. the fact that excessive drinking and drug use is a repeating theme is... concerning, to say the least.

“roll me like a blunt cause i wanna go home” - brendon smokes weed a lot, as proven by his many videos and streams online. so much that it has apparently gotten into his songwriting. the ‘i wanna go home’ just sounds like he’s tired of what he’s doing and just wants to relax. if this song was inspired by his run on kinky boots, what exactly happened there? there were a few incidents where fans would shout and scream in his face when he came out after shows to sign brochures, which would make sense. brendon has anxiety, and if the fans didn’t back off, an anxiety/panic attack could happen. (there are already a few cases of this happening, one being in the sydney airport.)

“oscars and emmys and grammys, everyone here is a trophy” - saying that a person is a trophy doesn’t say very good things about that person. a lot of celebrities can be objectified by their fans, but be glorified objects. hence, a trophy. brendon could also be saying that people are often reduced to the trophies that they have won and aren’t considered human. either way, the overall idea of this phrase is not very positive.

“hallucinations only mean that your brain is on fire; if it’s lord of the flies in my mind tonight i don’t know if i will survive” - lord of the flies is about a group of boys who get marooned on an island and go insane. they initially try to keep some sort of order, but ultimately sink into chaos. at one point, some of the boys set fire to the forest to try and smoke out another one of the boys. this is most likely the part that brendon was referring to. it’s like his brain is the forest. he’s saying that he tries to keep his head and thoughts in order (lord of the flies in my mind), but it eventually sinks into chaos and he’s not sure if he’ll be able to survive.

“lighters up if you’re feeling me” - lighters are used at shows, often to show support/approval for a musician. the ‘if you’re feeling me’ would probably refer to the approval part. something interesting, though, is that during live performances of northern downpour, the band would ask everyone to specifically put their lighters up.

“fade to black if you’re not mine” - if you’ve seen the overture, or the video that was released to help tease fans for the release of vices & virtues, there is a bar scene. there’s one scene where there are two shadows in the foreground. they’re supposed to represent ryan ross and jon walker. i’m not saying that this is what brendon meant, but it’s possible.

“i just need a sign or a signal inside” - he’s just feeling hopeless and empty at this point, waiting for something to prove that he’s human, maybe. there’s a parallel in always from vices & virtues: ‘blink back to let me know that i’m skin and bone.’

6. dancing’s not a crime

“i’m still uninvited” - brendon has said that this song is about how he’s often the ‘obnoxious friend who’s always dancing in public,’ which, let’s be honest, isn’t a great title. he’s uninvited because he is that friend, but the ‘still’ is important to note. it implies that he hasn’t been invited in a while, which... hurts.

“i’m going insane and i don’t care” - he’s just become numb to everything. he could be literally going insane, or he could be feeling like he’s going insane because of various drugs that he could have taken.

“if you’re night crawling with him i won’t take it lying down” “don’t call me saint california if you’re at another altar” - both of these sound like brendon’s s/o is cheating on him, but... he’s happily married?

7. one of the drunks

this song is, rather obviously, about drinking. it also sounds incredibly disorienting.

“welcome to the club” - this phrase is often used to welcome people to a group, and is also sarcastically used to welcome people to a really shitty part of life.

“orange juice, pour out half the carton; gray goose, pour it, get it started” - these two are the ingredients for a cocktail called a screwdriver: half orange juice, half vodka, or gray goose, in this case. the thing that catches my attention is the fact that you’re pouring out half the orange juice carton. this is half the drink. you would have to use enough vodka to fill in the other half of the carton. if you said that the carton was maybe a liter big, you’d be drinking half a liter of extremely strong alcohol. and since it’s mixed with orange juice, you’d probably just drink more alcohol than you originally thought. this is... a lot of drinking.

“good times remedy your sorrows” - he’s saying that good times cure your problems, what you’re stressing about.

“baptize” - to baptize can be to clean yourself of all your sins. a lot of people resort to drinking to try and forget their sorrows, to drown them. this could be considered an incredibly twisted form of baptizing.

“don’t worry about tomorrow” - this might refer to the hangover that you would definitely have the next day. it is also, needless to say, extremely shitty advice. however, if someone were to follow it, they would find themselves blackout drunk, depending on how bad their issues might be.

“every weekend with your friends, every weekday when it ends” - every weekend with your friends is a bit... excessive, but normal for some people. it’s with your friends, so you’re having fun. however, ‘every weekday when it ends...’ i assume ‘it’ is the weekend. in which case, he’s saying that he’s partying every weekday, and since it says nothing about friends, he’s probably just drinking and partying on his own. which is a new level of yikes.

“it’s all good, i guess” - if the ‘i guess’ wasn’t in there, it would be fine. you’d be able to tell that he’s having fun, it’s all good. the addition of ‘i guess,’ just adds in a lot of doubt. is he not having a good time? this part also sorta sounds slurred.

“searching for a new high, high as the sun, uncomfortably numb” - he’s high, but wants to be higher, hence the ‘high as the sun.’ this might be because of being uncomfortably numb: a high is known to give you a bit of a buzz. maybe he’s just looking for that buzz, and consequently getting higher and higher.

“never dry, every day you’re thirsty” - in this case, i assume ‘dry’ means alcohol running out. being thirsty every day probably means the cravings for alcohol, which only serves to bring into the light how bad this person’s possible addiction is.

“bourbon high, sip it till you’re tipsy” - only sipping until you’re tipsy probably means you’re going to be drinking more. a lot more.

“night’s young, searching for a feeling” - there’s that numbness again. drinking a lot can help mute your feelings. the fact that it’s not too far into the night says a lot about how much this person drinks.

“round and round and round” - he could be talking about a round of drinks, or the fact that the room can feel like it’s spinning when you’ve had too much to drink. this part just sounds dizzying in itself.

8. the overpass

this song sounds like two people who are just pining for each other.

“let me hear you say something” - these two people haven’t talked in a while, or it’s been a long one-sided conversation.

“sorry to get sentimental tonight (that perfume lingers in your hair), it’s just that everything reminds me of things i thought i shouldn’t have to see again” - it sounds like he’s been having a good time, but the smell of *that* perfume just reminds him of something he thought he’d never had to think of again. brendon sounds like he’s apologizing for ruining the good times they’d been having.

“(you need me don’t you)” - this could have two ways of being read: ‘you need me.’ and ‘you need me... right?’

“meet me, meet me, at the overpass, the overpass; sketchy girls and lipstick boys; troubled love and high speed noise” - an overpass is a place where a lot of people would do things that are pretty sketchy and probably borderline illegal. the phrase ‘sketchy girls and lipstick boys’ just serves to cement that image, and ‘high speed noise’ would probably be referring to the cars or trains that would be passing by nearby.

“i know you wanna meet me, meet me at the overpass” “i have a shirt that keeps your smell, you keep one too in parallel” - it sounds like both of them are pining for each other, but chose not to do anything about it, or can’t.

“but i remember every time; every thing about you is perfect, down to your blood type; but i remember every time” - he sounds drunk in this, and the background vocals are mixed together, which just heightens that. the blood type comment is a bit creepy, and honestly sounds like one that you’d only make while drunk.

9. king of the clouds

brendon was high while writing this, and it’s possible that he was rambling a bit. however, the final lyrics are the edited version. he had to have revised the lyrics many times to get them to rhyme and to fit into the music. even then, the gist of the lyrics is that the narrator of the song needs to get high in order to escape from the world, and all that’s in it. it seems to be centered around insomnia and dissociating, and that is honestly sort of scary in itself.

“every day, i’m carl sagan in space to escape this old world, this old world” - carl sagan was an astronomer, along with a few other things, and his most famous work had to do with being the first to send physical messages into space that extraterrestrials would be able to translate. being in space means that there’s no sound, and all in all you would be incredibly isolated from the rest of humanity. brendon is escaping from this world, and he’s calling it old. from that, you can assume that he’s tired of this world. in hey look ma, he said that ‘this world is full of demons.’ another way of looking at this could be by considering ‘old world’ as africa, europe, and asia. ‘old-world’ can also be a way to say ‘old fashioned.’ so he could be thinking that he’s in ‘space’ to escape the old fashioned ways of thinking (homophobia, etc).

“some days i lie wide awake till the sun hits my face and i fade, elevate from the earth” - the lying awake part is probably about insomnia. this happens to people with anxiety a lot; probably has something to do with brendon and his thoughts keeping him up until sunrise. second part: brendon was, as stated before, high while writing this. to fade is another way of saying to get high, and to ‘elevate’ helps with that imagery as well.

“far away to a place where i’m free from this weight” - far away probably means to space, which in turn is probably getting high. this weight is probably gravity, which probably symbolizes his thoughts and stress. so, in short, brendon could be saying that he gets high to get away from his stress for a little while.

10. old fashioned

“from a kiss to a swill” - a swill can be a large mouthful of drink, such as ale. again, alcohol. this probably means that brendon and some other person kissed and drank.

“we were swallowin’ the nights like we had nine lives” - acting like they would stay young forever, partying a lot during the nights?

“seventeen so gone” - brendon was seventeen when he first joined the band.

“we were borderline kids with a book of disorders, medicating every day to keep the straightness in order” - brendon’s probably referring to the medication he used to be on that dealth with his adhd and anxiety. keeping the straightness in order probably refers to keeping his mental disorders in order.

“so pour out some liquor, make it an old-fashioned” “two dashes of the bitters, add some ice and you pour” - these lyrics reference how to make a drink called an old-fashioned. an old-fashioned is a ‘cocktail made by muddling sugar with bitters, then adding alcohol… and finally a twist of citrus rind.’ again, the theme of drinking comes back.

11. dying in la

“the sun was in your eyes” - this could be referring to two things: the first being that the california sun can be extremely bright and blinding, and this could just be a way of saying that there is a sense of awe (‘you couldn’t believe it’). this could also be referring to the idiom ‘having the sun in your eyes.’ it means to be drunk. this person could be literally drunk, which wouldn’t be surprising, given the context of this album, or they could be drunk on the possibilities now that they are in la. however, i’m not sure if this is an actual idiom that people have heard and use often.

“riches all around; you’re walking, stars are on the ground; you start to believe it” - the hollywood walk of fame is located in la, and has the names of famous celebrities in stars that are embedded in the ground, as a monument to their contributions to the entertainment industry. these lyrics could mean that, surrounded by riches and seeing the names of celebrities, the narrator of this song started to believe in their own success.

“every face along the boulevard is a dreamer just like you” - this is most likely referring to the hollywood boulevard, a place where all kinds of people, including ‘dreamers,’ flock to.

“nobody knows you now when you’re dying in la; and nobody owes you now when you’re dying in la” - this could be interpreted as the narrator knowing no one while in la.

“nights at the chateau, trapped in your sunset bungalow; you couldn’t escape it” - this is most likely about the chateau marmont, located on sunset boulevard, in west hollywood. even the cheapest rooms are rather expensive, and the bungalows are amongst the higher end of the spectrum. the not being able to escape could be about not being able to escape how much money you have, if that’s understandable. the more money you have, the more media is going to be on your back about things, because that’s how this world works.

“drink of paradise” - this could be referring to alcohol, as it can help people forget their worries. hence, ‘paradise.’ a paradise is also a cocktail. yet again, the theme of drinking returns.

overall, this album is… quite a bit darker than i first imagined. thank you for reading all the way through if you did, and feel free to add on, whether it be other lyrics, or your opinion on the same lyrics.

[ultradaniblonde]

Sitting on a three-legged stool, Archie strums his guitar crooning into the microphone.

“His songs have such emotional depth,” Betty comments, tucked in the shadows of the spotlight standing stage right. With her wire glasses and blonde locks pulled up into a bun, she looks out of place. Her black turtleneck is too conservative, over the top, as if she has something to prove.

Jughead makes a noncommittal noise. They are about ten years older than the crowd fawning over Riverdale’s golden boy. For Betty, Jughead, Archie and Veronica life in Riverdale was full of betrayal, words said, actions that couldn’t be undone and regret, but instead of scattering to the recesses of the country like most friends do when their relationships have expired or reached toxic levels, they all moved to New York. Together.

Betty to study law. Jughead to write. Archie to sing and Veronica to manage. When Archie announced he was moving to the city to try and make a name for himself, everyone was shocked, especially when Veronica decided to join him. Although their romantic entanglements were long behind them, Archie accepted her offer to be his manager and help him book gigs. Veronica, being Veronica and putting 100% into everything she does soon found herself in the spotlight after joining Archie on stage one night. She once told them she sang like a nightingale and she wasn’t wrong. Her stardom quickly eclipsed Archie’s and instead of being torn apart by jealousy they were closer than ever. They started to tour together, selling out moderately sized venues with Archie’s good looks, soulful lyrics and Veronica’s resounding voice and energy.

“I don’t get it, Ronnie, how is this rebelling exactly?” Jughead asked while sitting in a director’s chair backstage cramming gummy worms into his mouth. Betty, prim and proper was perched on the loveseat nodding in agreement, her eyes bouncing between them through her round spectacles.

“My life in Riverdale, even before Riverdale was shrouded in secrecy. So many lies and moves and countermoves. Being a singer puts me in the public eye. I can’t even walk my dog without someone snapping a photo,” she explains fluffing her hair in front of the large vanity.  

“You don’t own a dog,” Jughead says quizzically.

“I know, Jughead. I just mean everything I do is out in the open. I have no privacy. I couldn’t have clandestine meetings if I tried. The entertainment industry is one my father never invested in, never took an interest in. His reach extends as far as the casinos Elio’s father runs. Although the Lodge name carries clout people don’t shutter for fear of retribution, at least not because of my father. Plus I have my own security detail who answer exclusively to me,” she says with a breezy confidence distilling her rationale into succinct compelling arguments.

“I just never knew he had it in him,” Betty continues and Jughead resists the urge to roll his eyes. He can’t deny Archie’s lyrics have improved significantly. The songs about love penned by a heartsick teen have transformed into something more meaningful.

When Archie closes his eyes and sings into the microphone, Jughead looks out at the crowd.

It should've been us Should’a been a fire, should’a been the perfect storm It should've been us Could’a been the real thing Now we'll never know for sure

People sway, some fight back tears, others hold one another, but all of them sing along. It is a gift he is happy his friend has discovered and a feeling he knows well. To share a part of one’s self with the world.

The song ends and the lights dim as Archie quickly makes his way to Betty and Jughead. Stage crewmembers dressed in black prepare for Veronica’s performance. “That was really great, Archie,” Betty says her voice infused with sincerity and warmth. “Your lyrics really touch a lot of people,” she encourages placing her hand on his arm.

“Thanks, Betty,” Archie said with the same sheepish grin handing his guitar off to a passerby. “Ronnie is up next,” he says excitedly standing next to them waiting for her act to begin.

Where as Archie draws the soulful crowd with sentiments of love, loss, heartache and strife, Veronica is pure pop. She is the carefully crafted image of a pop princess, daddy’s spoiled little girl. Although the paparazzi would claim it isn’t an act, Jughead knows Veronica has worked for every ounce of success. The dichotomy of her catchy lyrics contrasts Archie’s in a way that somehow perfectly encapsulates life in a small town. Young love and the desire to escape juxtaposing the familiar lyrics you sing at a local hangout or in the car with childhood friends.

Lights begin to strobe and bass thumps through the speakers quickly filling the venue. The crowd begins to shift in anticipation and suddenly Veronica is standing in the center of the stage, the beat growing stronger.

Her voice reverberates though the music hall reaching the furthest corners. Despite the jostling crowd she clutches the microphone with both hands, her eyes closed belting lyrics into the microphone.

All my life, been hustling And tonight is my appraisal 'Cause I'm a hooker sellin' songs And my pimp's a record label This world is full off demons Stocks and bonds and bible traders So I do the deed, get up and leave A climber and a sadist

The contrast between the music is apparent as the crowd immediately begins dancing. Unlike her other shows, she remains standing in front of the microphone. There is no dance routine. Salacious moves emphasizing her curves earning her the bad girl reputation bestowed upon her. It is just her pouring every once of herself into the microphone as the crowd goes wild.

Hey look ma, I made it Hey look ma, I made it Everything's comin' up aces, aces If it's a dream, don't wake me, don't wake me

Halfway through the song her eyes fly open and she manages to sing while smiling ear to ear. Her eyes sparkle with pure bliss as she runs from one end of the stage to the other holding the microphone out for fans to sing along. Their voices as clear. Their adoration is evident and they know every word.

Friends are happy for me Or they're honey-suckle phonies Then they celebrate my medals Or they wanna take my trophies Some are loyal soldiers While these other thorns are rosy And if you never know who you can trust Then trust me you'll be lonely

Veronica finishes and winks at her friends before running over and tugging them into the spotlight. Accustomed to accompanying her on stage, Archie lets her pull him from the shadows while Betty plants her feet. Releasing her and grabbing Jughead instead the three of them are suddenly on stage and Jughead realizes he is in front of hundreds of people.

Archie joins a backup singer while Veronica tugs him over to her microphone stand. Having the time of her life she dances around him as he sings the last refrain grateful for his redheaded friend’s strong vocal cords.

I said hey look ma, I made it Mama best believe it, Mama best believe it

Hey look ma, I made it Think I must be dreamin', wide awake and dreamin'

Hey look ma, I made it Mama best believe it, Mama best believe it

Hey look ma, I made it Think I must be dreamin' Hey look ma, I made it

Hours later when the concert ends and revelers have moved on, the equipment is packed, and Veronica has removed her makeup, the foursome leaves in search of sustenance taking to the streets of New York. Betty and Archie lead the way arm in arm leaving Veronica and Jughead.

“Did you have fun?” she asks smiling at him wrapping her hand around his leather-clad arm.

“I did. Unexpectedly,” he admits. “I think Betty may have liked Archie’s performance a little better. She described it as soulful,” Jughead says a wry smile on his lips. “She is probably grilling him on how he came up with such expressive lyrics,” Jughead says.

“Well that’s easy,” Veronica replies with a smirk. “He didn’t,” she divulges.

Jughead stops walking, “What?” he questions.

“He didn’t. I write Archie’s songs,” Veronica says in a matter-of-fact tone.

Jughead gives her a curious look before he continues walking.  “Maybe we keep that our secret?” she offers mischievously with a wink. Jughead gives her a curious look. “Your secret is safe with me, Lodge,” he agrees.

She renews her grip on his arm in no hurry to catch up with her friends.