#he kept the secret for so long. he was okay to hurt and deny who he was for so long as long as she was happy

[oceanicwriting]

smile for the camera.

summary: ever since you confessed to your friend that one of your fantasies was to record a sex tape, everything has been strange. one day, after finishing the week, he is waiting for you in your dorm with a camera and ready to do whatever he wants with it.

pairing(s): bsf!lorenzo berkshire × fem!reader

a/n: second lorenzo fic! i liked this one a lot more than the last one. i hope you enjoy it ;-).

+18 smut, masturbation (fem/male receiving), oral sex (male receiving), doggy, praising, cursing

ㅤㅤㅤit's been a week since you confessed to lorenzo berkshire, your best friend at hogwarts, that recording yourself having sex was one of your fantasies. whenever you remembered it, a shiver ran through your body. although he had made fun of it the night you confessed it, he hasn't said anything else since then, maybe because you've avoided him or he knew the jokes made you feel bad.

ㅤㅤㅤ—everything okay? —you look at your potions desk mate, luna lovegood, who has her eyes filled with worry—. i’ve been talking to you for a while now.

ㅤㅤㅤyou nod frantically, assuring her that you’ve been thinking about something else, but nothing is happening.

ㅤㅤㅤthinking about what? lorenzo and your best kept secret.

ㅤㅤㅤwhen class ends, you know that it wasn’t just luna who had noticed your disconnection from the real world, being called by master slughorn to ask if something was wrong outside of class. of course, you lie, because nothing would be more embarrassing than admitting what was eating away your thoughts.

ㅤㅤㅤwhen you return to your dorm, your books hugged to your chest and shuffling through the exhausting week, you could only think about how much you wanted to hide in the sheets of your bed until monday. that wasn't going to be possible because lorenzo is leaning outside your door waiting for you to arrive.

ㅤㅤㅤ—what are you doing? —you question, instantly catching his attention—. everyone can see you here.

ㅤㅤㅤ—come on, it's not like they don't know we're friends.

ㅤㅤㅤyou deny, opening your bedroom door and noticing that your roommates aren't there.

ㅤㅤㅤ—no, but imagine what are they going to think if you wait for me outside my bedroom.

ㅤㅤㅤhe smirks at your unusual reaction. in any other situation, you would have greeted him with a huge smile, inviting him in to hang out and talk all afternoon. the problem is that this wasn't just any situation.

ㅤㅤㅤ—i need to talk to you —he says. you're standing, holding the door to stop him from passing—. it's important.

ㅤㅤㅤyou look up at him, noticing the dark spots under his eyes. lorenzo berkshire, who always had such perfectly smooth skin, had dark circles under his eyes as if he hadn’t slept properly in days.

ㅤㅤㅤ—please. —his eyes make you flinch, pushing yourself aside so he can pass—. thank you.

ㅤㅤㅤwhen you’re both inside, you close the door behind you, and lorenzo sits down on your bed. you stand a step away from him, waiting for him to start the conversation.

ㅤㅤㅤ—i imagine you already know what i want to talk about, —he says, relaxing into his spot—. about your fantasy.

ㅤㅤㅤthe mere mention of your secret makes your cheeks flush a bright red, making you uneasy at the way he’s looking at you from his position.

ㅤㅤㅤneither of you had admitted that there was something much bigger than friendship between you. lorenzo had never accepted it for fear of losing you, but you for fear of getting hurt. you knew each other too well to know that any relationship beyond friendship might not last long. although he had found a possible solution that would manage to silence the force that attracts you.

ㅤㅤㅤ—i'm sorry if i made you feel bad with what i said, but... was it necessary to avoid me all week? did you think i wouldn't notice?

ㅤㅤㅤ—enzo, it wasn't because of that. i mean, yes, you made me feel bad for judging me. it's just that i was embarrassed to see you again.

ㅤㅤㅤhe sighs, letting a soft laugh escape his lips.

ㅤㅤㅤ—you should have told me.

ㅤㅤㅤyou smile, shrugging and looking him straight in the eyes. then you notice lorenzo rummaging through his black and green cloak, pulling out of the darkness a black device that you can't identify until he lets it rest on your bed. a video camera. lorenzo damn berkshire had just brought a video camera into your bedroom.

ㅤㅤㅤ—why did you bring that? —you question, looking for the door behind you to escape.

ㅤㅤㅤ—listen to me, please, listen to me —he begs, getting up from the bed to approach you—. your fantasy... your fantasy could help us take all the weight off our backs.

ㅤㅤㅤyou look at him, stopping your hand on the door handle.

ㅤㅤㅤ—i know you can feel it. i can tell how you long for something to happen between us. isn't that right?

ㅤㅤㅤ—what do you mean?

ㅤㅤㅤhis smile widens when your hand stops holding the door, lowering your defenses at his proximity. he looked cute when he smiled, showing all his teeth, reaching his cheekbones and making his small brown eyes shine.

ㅤㅤㅤ—that you and i can take advantage of your fantasy to get rid of what we want —he says, his hand caressing your cheek to remove a small lock of hair—. if you just say yes.

ㅤㅤㅤyour hand reaches for the door handle again, but this time, it is to emit a soft click that locks the door. then, your hands wander over lorenzo's chest, removing the cape that falls to the floor and the tie. when you both reach the bed, he falls with a huge smile drawn on his face, eager to feel you, touch you, listen to you, and taste you as he had long hoped.

ㅤㅤㅤyou remain standing, looking at him lying on the bed in such an appetizing way that you can feel your panties getting wet. he knew exactly how to put you that way, although you had never done it.

ㅤㅤㅤ—record me —you whisper, making the boy's eyes shine at the order—. focus on me.

ㅤㅤㅤhe reaches for the camera at the edge of the bed, turning it on and starting to record. through the small screen, he watches you take off your cape, tie, and blouse that was squeezing your bra.

ㅤㅤㅤ—don't take off your skirt —he says, patting her waist twice—. get on here.

ㅤㅤㅤyou obey, straddling his member that slowly gets harder with the movements of your hips. lorenzo lowers the camera's focus until he records how your panties rub against his pants, lifting your skirt to get a better view of the bulge that is pressing against you.

ㅤㅤㅤ—how many nights i dreamed of fucking you using your skirt —he says, his voice hoarse and deep making you tremble—. a true beauty.

ㅤㅤㅤ—give me the camera —lorenzo passes it to you, and you focus on him from the head to the end of his chest—. take off your clothes, enzo.

ㅤㅤㅤhe unbuttons his shirt so slowly that you have to look at him angrily, making a narcissistic smile form on his lips and hurry his nakedness. his bare chest looks so exquisite in the lens that your hands can't help but run over his body.

ㅤㅤㅤ—do you like what you see?

ㅤㅤㅤyou nod.

ㅤㅤㅤ—you are so precious, enzo.

ㅤㅤㅤlorenzo snatches the camera from you in one movement, pinning you to the bed with his body. his bare chest collides with yours, and his arm holds the camera inches from your faces facing each other. your breathing mingle with his, lighting a flame deep within your core.

ㅤㅤㅤ—kiss me, lorenzo. please kiss me until i can’t breathe.

ㅤㅤㅤhis lips latch onto yours with a demanding, electrifying force that makes you reciprocate with the same force. his hot tongue thrusts inside your mouth to fight with yours, making you laugh against his lips. lorenzo then sets the camera down on the bed and moves his hand down to your wet panties, moving them aside to massage your clit with his thumb.

ㅤㅤㅤthe sensation runs through your body with an electrifying exquisiteness that makes you moan in his mouth. then, lorenzo kisses your bare chest, sucking some parts of your skin and leaving a last kiss where your skirt begins. then, he stands up, his hand still working on making you writhe against the massage of his finger.

ㅤㅤㅤ—smile for the camera, beautiful —he says, taking the camera to focus on your face when it stops being touched by his hands—. do you want me to record what i do?

ㅤㅤㅤlorenzo brings two fingers to your mouth so you can fill them with saliva and suck them before bringing them to your entrance. the simple image of the boy with the camera in his hands, pointing towards your tight pussy under your skirt and bringing his fingers to fuck you was enough to make you shudder.

ㅤㅤㅤ—here we go. —he runs his fingers from your clit to your entrance, making you squirm eagerly for his touch—. fuck, you're so hot.

ㅤㅤㅤand lorenzo makes his way inside you. his fingers sink so deep that it's impossible to avoid the gasp that leaves your lips. he pushes in the right places inside you to make you moan louder and louder, stretching your insides when he separates his fingers a little and slowly masturbates your clit with his thumb. the sensations were endless at that moment.

ㅤㅤㅤ—you look so damn gorgeous. —the camera paints your face again, this time more messy and whimpering from the intrusion of his hand—. take off your bra.

ㅤㅤㅤyour hands, shaking from the waves of pleasure that run through your body, manage to take off your garment. he films your breasts moving with you from the shudder, tasting from the screen the perfect shape and size he had dreamed of having in his hands. although that would have to wait.

ㅤㅤㅤ—touch yourself, —he says, his thick, demanding voice filling the entire room—. come on, don’t be shy.

ㅤㅤㅤyour hands travel to your breasts, squeezing and playing with your nipples as lorenzo’s hand continues to do its thing. there are so many sounds mixing together that it’s impossible to focus on what’s happening, making you squirm more and more and whimper at the sensations spreading throughout your body. you were feeling all your libido build up in your core, right where lorenzo moved his hand one last time, and your whole body convulses.

ㅤㅤㅤthe camera in lorenzo's hands doesn't waste a second in recording your wet and satisfied pussy, to focus on your face trying to catch your breath.

ㅤㅤㅤ—i can't believe you're letting me see this, gorgeous. so perfect when you cum in my hand, don't you think? —he says, leaving the camera on the bed at the height of your hips—. i'd like it more if you cum on my cock.

ㅤㅤㅤhe catches your mouth with an initial delicacy that turns into a murderous desire. your tongue fights against his, seeking much more by attracting him from the neck. lorenzo tangles one hand in your hair, and the other travels to your waist to turn you on the bed.

ㅤㅤㅤ—should we try? —he asks, running a hand down your back to your ass, removing your skirt along the way—. you don’t know how long i waited to see this ass of yours smack into my pelvis while i’m taking you.

ㅤㅤㅤ—who’s a needy boy? —you can hear his laugh behind your back and his hand lift your hip to leave your entire ass exposed. his hand still tangled in your hair forces you up—. i’m going to take you so good, enzo. i promise.

ㅤㅤㅤ—i know you will. —he turns the camera screen to notice that it’s at the perfect angle—. and i want you to see it.

ㅤㅤㅤlorenzo forces you to bury your cheek into the bed so that you can see the small screen where you can notice your body against his. he unbuttons his pants, letting them fall down his legs at the same time that he takes his erect cock, masturbating himself. you push your ass back in search of helping him with that.

ㅤㅤㅤ—let me help you —you whisper, feeling it slide down your buttocks, staining it with the accumulated precum—. e-enzo.

ㅤㅤㅤhe growls at the feeling of your soft, warm buttocks squeezing his member, generating a gentle rocking that you squeeze from time to time. the view was like any other dream, although this time everything was much more perfect.

ㅤㅤㅤ—i'm going to lose my mind, love. i've wanted to have this view for so long, and now you're giving it to me with honors.

ㅤㅤㅤ—because i know you'll make me feel good —you whisper, lorenzo searching in your folds for a little moisture to separate and spread it along the length of his cock—. i'm so ready for you.

ㅤㅤㅤlorenzo positions you, one of his hands gripping his member and the other, squeezing your waist to keep you in the perfect position. he slowly makes his way inside you, scraping every corner of your entrance with pain that turns to pleasure instantly after.

ㅤㅤㅤ—are you okay?

ㅤㅤㅤyou nod, causing lorenzo’s hips to move back and thrust into you again. the growl combined with your soft moan is enough to make him lose his mind, beginning to increase the movement of his hips against your ass. each time he thrust into you again, he did with more force and speed than the previous one, taking your hip to deepen the shock of your body against his.

ㅤㅤㅤclap, clap, clap. the sound getting clearer and louder makes your head hurt, mixing exquisitely with lorenzo's embarrassed sighs and moans behind you. seeing everything from the camera screen was stirring up all the sensations in you much more than you wanted to admit, squeezing his cock inside you and moaning louder and louder.

ㅤㅤㅤ—you're doing perfect. keep it up.

ㅤㅤㅤlorenzo tangles one of his hands in your hair again, forcing you to get up to reach your neck, ear, and shoulders with the wetness of his mouth. his movements have not stopped at any time, attacking your breasts with his free hand and kissing your cheeks softly.

ㅤㅤㅤ—l-lorenzo —you moan, stretching your arms back to hold onto his neck.

ㅤㅤㅤ—tell me, baby. what's wrong?

ㅤㅤㅤhe can feel you squeezing him the same way he squeezed your fingers a moment ago.

ㅤㅤㅤ—j-just keep doing that. keep moving. —your hands tie themselves in his hair, pulling his head closer to yours—. kiss me.

ㅤㅤㅤlorenzo smiles at the pleading tone of your soft voice. his free hand stops squeezing your nipples, moving down your abdomen until he finds your clit.

ㅤㅤㅤ—as you wish.

ㅤㅤㅤhis mouth captures yours at the same time his hand begins to massage your overstimulated clit. you were both restless, close to exploding and throbbing in every imaginable part of your sweaty bodies. your mouths move messily over each other at the endless moans escaping you and lorenzo's faster movement against you.

ㅤㅤㅤ—shit.

ㅤㅤㅤand your entire body tightens in a spasm that makes your juices explode all over lorenzo's cock.

ㅤㅤㅤ—just a l-little more, love —he says, still moving and growling against your ear. your entire body is exhausted, but you try to keep up with the pace that lorenzo hasn't stopped—. i'm close...

ㅤㅤㅤhe lets go of you, letting your body fall against the mattress and pulling out of you to masturbate a little to wet your back with the semen that shoots out of his member. you can hear him catching his breath standing there, burning your broken body on the bed with his gaze and laughing softly.

ㅤㅤㅤ—wasn’t this fun? —he says, you can see him taking the camera, while his other hand helps you turn on the bed—. what a dreamy view.

ㅤㅤㅤyour cheeks heat up because now that everything was over, the embarrassment begins to form in the pit of your stomach.

ㅤㅤㅤ—one last kiss?

ㅤㅤㅤyour eyes travel down his body standing there. and maybe you could take advantage of the situation a little more, because if you were going to make a video like that, you had to do everything to save the memory, not only on that camera.

ㅤㅤㅤyou move on top of the bed, getting closer to the edge. one of your hands hugs his flaccid member, making him jump a little. the boy's expression is the one you expected, confused and unfinished.

ㅤㅤㅤ—one last kiss —you say, just before kissing the tip of his penis that was beginning to harden in front of your eyes.

ㅤㅤㅤ—what...

ㅤㅤㅤyour tongue moistens its entire length, making it harden instantly. then, smiling as if you were about to try your favorite sweet, you embrace his cock with your hot mouth. one of your hands helps you cover the length you can't, allowing yourself to suck on what your hand shamelessly masturbates him. he moans every now and then, pointing the camera at your face.

ㅤㅤㅤyou kiss, suck, and taste, wanting to remember every part of his length in the most secret part of your mind. lorenzo grabs your hair and sighs before pushing his hips against you, announcing that he needs much more to be able to finish inside your mouth.

ㅤㅤㅤ—take it well, babe. —your eyes fill with tears at the feeling of his tip hitting your throat—. you're doing so well. don't be afraid.

ㅤㅤㅤlorenzo's hips pushing deeper and deeper, mouth salivating from the edge of your lips and camera pointing from every possible angle. everything was happening so fast that your blurry eyes couldn't notice much more than lorenzo's glorious sounds.

ㅤㅤㅤ—so delicious and appetizing —he whispers, noticing how your mouth does its best to keep up with his own movement—. incredible that you let me see this.

ㅤㅤㅤyour tongue runs over the tip of his member that begins to tremble inside your mouth. lorenzo growls, letting go of your hair and clenching his hands on the camera that continues to point in your direction.

ㅤㅤㅤ—almost...

ㅤㅤㅤone last thrust is enough for all of lorenzo's semen to end up burning in your mouth. his brown gaze observes you without being able to believe the remains of substance that escape from your lips, while the rest travels from your mouth to the bottom of your stomach.

ㅤㅤㅤ—you're going to drive me completely crazy.

ㅤㅤㅤyou laugh, running your forearm over the stains on your mouth.

ㅤㅤㅤ—enough recording —you say, raising your hand to reach the camera—. enzo!

ㅤㅤㅤ—let me record you a little longer or i'm afraid i'll forget your body.

ㅤㅤㅤyou get up from the bed to reach the device and end the recording in the middle of a laugh. you look at lorenzo, who still looks at you mesmerized by the nakedness of your body.

ㅤㅤㅤ—lorenzo, you could never forget my body —you say, pulling him with you to the bed completely undone. your hand brushes away some strands of hair on his face—. because if one day you forget, you can come find me.

ㅤㅤㅤlorenzo looks at you, one of his hands holding all his weight on you and the other clenched on your hip.

ㅤㅤㅤ—you will make me the happiest man in the world.ㅤ

[moldsporr]

Will never forgive the milgram fandom for how they treat Kazui tbh

[glowinstone]

devil come knockin’

Tom Riddle falls apart at the hands of his one biggest weaknesses… you

tom riddle x fem!reader

Oh how oblivious you were.

Despite being feared and supposedly the brightest witch of your age… you could not see for the love of merlin how Tom Riddle was so devastatingly in love with you. It was pathetic really, but any other cheesy romantic would swoon. Behind closed doors, you and tom would share secret smiles and soft touches. In the shadowed corner of the hogwarts library, you and tom would study the magic of dark arts, devouring collections he brought from his manor or in his case… secretly stole. Though he wouldn’t tell anyone that, a secret he would take to the grave.

But fuck… he was sure as hell not keeping his love for you a secret. At least he didn’t think so. Sure, he was cold, manipulative, and horrifyingly stoic- dubbed the devil of the school, but with you he was what he hated the most- soft, weak.The thought scared him, kept him up at night and when he finally succumbed to sleep- gave him gut wrenching night terrors. Of course he bloody tried to rid of his sickeningly sweet feelings for you.. oh how hard he tried.

You… a temptress in disguise, an aura so hauntingly beautiful he could not just stay away. A moth to a wild flame. Always a dangerous glint in your eye, itching for an adventure. Holding your own in class, his perfect academic rival. Truly, the way you recited incantations gave him a hard on, as much as he was ashamed to admit. You, just kept dragging him back without evening knowing it.

So… here he was at your door, the devil incarnate about to knock and confess his sick love for you. On your stomach, feet slightly swaying in the air, you hummed a tune whilst studying upon deadly plants. You figured there had to be a plethora of deadly plants that didn’t look so deadly upon inspection. Never hurt to have a sweet looking flower up your sleeve…

A gust of wind whipped through your room, inciting chills upon your arms and the harsh sway of your emerald curtains. Getting up to put on a jumper, coincidentally one of toms- a heavy pounding began on your door.

With a resigned sigh, you head to the door. Everyone knew you despised being bothered at this hour. You liked being alone, but the night is when you thrived. You thought the best then… able to think more clearly. The only person whom you allowed to disrupt this time was your Tom Riddle. Somehow, he managed to wiggle his way into your small circle. He managed to keep your attention, someone you liked to spend time with now.

Sure, he could be a tad chilly at times, and you would not deny he was a scary motherfucker. But.. he never scared you. He enticed you, showed a side of him that no one ever got to see. And in turn, you showed him a side no one even knew about. You swore yourself a fool, you let yourself become vulnerable around a man who his known to use people for his twisted benefits. Yet.. he stays close, gives you soft and sweet smiles that melt your heart.

He places a hand on your thigh when studying, always slightly squeezing. When you walk through the halls after curfew, he lays a protective hand on your back. Oh merlin, his hands. Your most favorite thing to look at. Slender and veiny, with silver rings adorning a few of his fingers. You know his hands hold immense dangerous power, yet you longed for them to be on you.

He sat with you at the back of your classes, just like a watchdog. Never paying attention, always surveying the room. Yet, his brilliant mind always managed to pass with flying colors. You both always fighting for the top marks. During these classes, he’d have a knee touching yours with his arm slung across the back of your seat.

Okay fine. You had a crush. Like a silly little school girl. Opening the door, there Tom Riddle stood before you, a lazy smirk placed upon those devilish lips of his.

‘Tom’ you opened the door a little wider, giving the devil an invitation into your room.

He enters the room with the grace of a king, surveying your trinkets on your desk, a keen eye you know that is picking up on every detail of your items. His eyes land on your open window, with a lazy flick of his hand, the window snaps shut and the curtains draw in. His wand-less magic never fails to impress you, okay fine and maybe turn you on a little bit. You quirk brow at his silent antics.

‘You’ll catch a cold’ is his short response. He looks at you now.. his eyes all but devouring every inch of your body. Ah, there is tension in his shoulders, and now that you observe his more,his hands that you oh so love are tightly clenched.

‘To what do I owe this pleasure to?’ You lean up against the wall, crossing your arms as you watch him stand stoically silent. His right eye twitches, he takes a sharp breath and in an instant his is on you.

With a startled intake of breath, you look up at the man who has now caged you in to the wall. Arms stiff above your head, and a look in his eyes that makes you quiver. Quiver in fear or arousal.. you’re not quite sure yet.

‘I’m infuriated with you.’

Your heart lurches, ‘Why… may I ask?’ You meet his stare straight on, tilting your chin up. Always being his equal despite his displeasure about the fact.

‘I’m falling apart, can’t you see?’ Exasperation coating every word. ‘You’re making a mess of me, every time I’m with you it takes everything in me to not lose control.’ He’s looking at you intently, eyes rapidly flickering over every inch of your face. He’s looking at you like your the only person in this universe, he’s looking at you like he’s…

‘What?’ You whisper breathlessly. He’s right, this is the most emotion you’ve ever seen from him. It has you stunned into silence. It’s silent for a moment, your breaths mingling with one another. You can feel the ghost of his lips above yours every time he breathes.

He snaps.

One moment his arms are above you, caging you in like you were his pray. The next, he has a hand on your throat and a hand right next to your head. With the smallest amount of pressure he squeezes in warning, like you should know you’ve done something wrong.

‘I am hopelessly in love with you, can’t you see?’ The pressure increases, and your breath hitches, and okay maybe your knickers are a little damp but that’s normal. And what?

‘I-in love with me?’ A huge grin takes over your face, you can’t help but let out a hysterical laugh. Is that what this was between the two of you? Love? You never felt love before but you suppose tom hadn’t either. He was capable of feeling such a strong emotion, and it was all at the hands of you.

He heaves a deep sigh, like your craziness is normal and you suppose to him it is. ‘Yes, that is what I said was it not?’ So straight to the point, you realized how fond of him you were in this moment.

‘Mm’ You reach up a little, slightly raising on your toes. You push your neck into his hand a little more, a devilish grin to match his new one on your lips. ‘Is that so?’

He hums a deep growl, and pushes you further into the wall. He dips, looks deeply into your eyes and kisses you like he hasn’t eaten in years. The kiss is hungry, he all but devours your lips. His hand on your neck moves up slightly, cupping the underside of your jaw and his thumb brushes the side of your lips as he kisses you into hell.

Your hands find purchase on his shoulder and the back of his neck, a hand tangling in his curls. You tug and all but whimper when his pushes into you. Letting your head fall back, you heave a breath, looking up for a merlin to come save you. You know you don’t want to be saved when the devil lowers his mouth to leave bites and kisses on your throat, cupping the back of your neck to drag you further into his mouth.

And okay fine.. ‘I am hopelessly in love with you too.’ You pant, and you groan when you feel his smirk on your neck. He hums, and raises his head to look back into your eyes.

‘Let me show you just how much I love you’

‘Please’

[wholoveseggs]

Hey, just an idea that would work really well, I think. Can you do a smut with a horribly jealous Elijah? They have a casual affair going because she has severe intimacy issues, but Elijah is deeply in love and needs her to realize that?

Strings

18+ ---- {Masterlist} {Tag-List}

You've denied what your heart wants for so long and Elijah is tired of waiting.

♡♡ Thanks for the request, I may have gotten a little carried away with this one ♡♡

6.2k words - Warnings: smut, lots of drinking / drunkenness, men being gross, white knight Elijah, dom!elijah (as dom as I can write it, I'm just a sappy romantic), rough(ish) sex, rim job (f!receiving), blood drinking, biting & hangovers.

{Moodboard->}

It was annoying, really, how good Elijah was in bed. You never thought you would be the kind of girl who would lose your mind over a simple touch, but you couldn't get enough. You had never felt this way, even after months of sex, and it was maddening.

You had started sleeping together on a whim, one night of drinking leading to a night of fun. It was just meant to be a one-time thing, but it became more frequent, and then more, until you found yourself spending more time with him than alone.

‘No strings attached’ you had said when you first started sleeping together, but as time went on, Elijah was getting more and more attached and so were you.

When you were underneath him, clinging to his strong shoulders, panting and moaning as he completely unraveled you, it was easy to forget that it was supposed to be casual. But then his gaze would lock onto yours, those dark intense eyes with so much love pouring out of them and you couldn't stand it.

You would close your eyes and look away, your heart beating so hard you thought it would explode. He would always pause for a second, then keep going.

This wasn't supposed to happen, this wasn't the deal, and you wanted him to stop, but at the same time you didn't. The look he gave you frightened you, it was like he was seeing inside your soul, seeing all the parts of you that you tried so hard to keep secret.

Elijah had never hidden the fact that he wanted more from you, but he had respected your boundaries. He hid how much it hurt him when you told him that you didn't want more, and you knew that, yet he kept going, because he couldn't stay away from you.

He would give you anything you asked for, and he would take anything you gave him, and he would never tell you that he was unhappy.

He was always so good to you.

Until you started seeing other people.

And then he wasn't so good.

Elijah heard the click of your boots before you even entered the compound. He'd been listening for them all morning, his ears trained to the sound, his heart lifting every time a woman with the right footfall walked in. Only when he'd heard you arrive would he relax his shoulders, his mind no longer consumed with the idea of you and another man together.

It was a new torture. Before, he had just wanted you. Now, he had you, and he knew that someone else was touching you, and that someone wasn't him.

"Beks! Beks! Oh my God, what a night!" You came bounding through the courtyard, you had a coffee in one hand and a fresh bouquet of flowers in the other. Still in the same clothes you left in last night, the only change was your makeup smudged, your hair a little messy.

Elijah watched you from the balcony above. You hadn't seen him yet. You were too busy gushing to Rebekah, who had been waiting eagerly for your return.

"What happened? I lost you after we did those shots with Klaus." Rebekah asked, taking the flowers and looking you over.

"Okay, you know that hot guy who was flirting with me at the bar? Well I went to some house party with him and a few of his friends," You said, sitting down next to Rebekah and taking a long sip of coffee. "So we were all drinking, and then we did some shots, and then a couple of lines, and then one thing led to another..."

You trailed off, grinning at her. She gave you a look, gesturing for you to go on.

Elijah tried his best not to listen, but he could help himself. He had never been able to resist the sound of your voice.

"So what happened?" She asked.

"Well, we ended up in the kitchen and he was fucking me against the counter," You said with a giggle.

"Was he any good?"

"Not really," You replied, taking a big gulp of coffee and rolling your eyes. "But the kitchen was real fancy, and there was a maid who saw us."

Rebekah laughed, shaking her head.

"That is classic, darling," She said, handing you back the flowers.

"Yeah, and then when I was on my way out in the morning I stole these right out of a vase," You said proudly, putting them down on the table next to you.

The sound of your giggles floated up to him. It was utterly infuriating, and at the same time, it was like a balm to his soul.

Elijah had never felt this way before.

Pure, untamed, jealousy.

He knew he shouldn't care, he knew he should be happy for you, but he couldn't stop thinking about you with other men. He couldn't stop wondering what it was like, what they were like. What did they say to you, did they make you laugh, did they touch you the way he did?

Did you want them, the way you wanted him?

And most importantly, why wasn't he enough?

"So are you going to see him again? Did he get your number?" Rebekah asked, breaking Elijah out of his dark thoughts.

"No, and yes. He wanted to go out again tonight," You replied.

"Are you going to say yes?"

"Maybe," You said, shrugging. "I'd prefer to go out with you guys, though. Maybe we could get Kol to come along."

"That would be lovely, maybe we could even convince Elijah to join," Rebekah said, smiling mischievously.

Elijah perked up at this and decided to make his presence known. He descended the stairs, trying to appear nonchalant, his usual charming self.

"Good morning, ladies," He said, his eyes fixed on you. You turned and smiled, and it made his heart skip a beat.

"Hey," You replied, grinning.

"We were just talking about going out tonight," Rebekah said, glancing between you.

"Oh? Where are you going?" Elijah asked.

"Not sure yet, wherever Beks wants," You replied. "But we were thinking that we could all go, you included."

Elijah tried not to react. He didn't want to go anywhere, not if you were going to bring one of your...paramours.

"Maybe," He said, keeping his tone light.

"Aw, come on, please?" You begged, flashing him those big, pretty eyes and batting your eyelashes.

"Yes, come with us," Rebekah joined in.

Elijah knew he would cave, like always. He couldn't say no to you, not when you looked at him like that.

"Fine," He agreed, and Rebekah and you cheered.

"It'll be fun, I promise," You said, and Elijah hoped so. He didn't think he could take much more of this.

Elijah found himself in the back of a car with his siblings. He had tried to stay home, to come up with an excuse, but Rebekah had dragged him out the door and into the car, saying that she didn't want him to sit at home and brood all night.

You were sitting in the passenger seat, talking animatedly to Rebekah. Klaus was driving, and Kol was on the phone with Davina, telling her all about the plans for the night.

"I can't believe we managed to get you out of the house without you wearing a suit," you teased, admiring his outfit. He had opted for a white shirt and black pants, his sleeves rolled up and his collar unbuttoned. He looked ridiculously good.

"I can dress casually, when I want to," He said, a slight smile playing on his lips.

"Maybe when you are going to bed," You replied, winking. He raised his eyebrows and smirked, the sight of it sending a rush of heat to your core.

"I'd be happy to show you, if you would like," He said, his voice deep and sexy.

The rest of the Mikaelsons didn't know about the affair you and Elijah were having. It was meant to be casual, you didn't want anything serious, and so the two of you were keeping it a secret. But they definitely suspected something was up, considering the flirting, the longing looks, and the time Klaus saw Elijah sneaking out of your room.

"Maybe later, if you're lucky," You shot back, giving him a wink.

He chuckled and shook his head, trying not to grin like an idiot. He was failing.

"Don't mind me, I'll just sit here and pretend I can't hear any of this," Kol interjected, looking up from his phone.

"Hush, brother," Elijah said, and Kol made a face, returning his attention to Davina.

You continued talking to Rebekah and Kol, trying to ignore the heat of Elijah's gaze on you.

When you arrived at the club, Kol immediately disappeared to go find Davina and Klaus was swarmed by women within seconds of entering the place.

You and Rebekah got drinks, and Elijah stayed close, trying not to stare at the way you moved your hips, the way your skin glowed in the dark, the way the tight dress you wore clung to your curves.

"Dance with me," You said, turning and holding out a hand. Elijah hesitated, his eyes roaming your body.

"I don't dance," He said.

"Liar," You accused, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the crowd. He followed, letting you lead him.

Once you reached the dance floor, you started moving to the beat. Your hands rested on his chest, his arms wrapping around you, the two of you moving together. The way you felt around him was indescribable, and you never wanted to leave his embrace.

The music was loud, and the people were packed together. He could feel the warmth of your body, the softness of your skin, the way your breath hitched when he pulled you closer.

You leaned in close, your lips brushing against his ear, and he inhaled sharply.

"Come on, Elijah, have some fun," You purred.

"I'm having plenty of fun," He replied, his voice low and rough.

"Are you sure? You seem a little tense," You teased, your hand slipping under the bottom of his shirt, feeling his skin.

"I'm sure," He said, his hand resting on your waist.

You smiled, your eyes glittering with mischief.

"Let's go somewhere quieter, then," You suggested, pulling him away from the dance floor and towards a secluded corner.

"Is that a good idea?" He asked, his tone serious, but his eyes twinkling with amusement.

"Probably not," You replied, and he grinned.

You stopped, the two of you hidden by shadows, and Elijah pressed his lips to yours. You could taste the hint of whiskey, the faint scent of his cologne lingering on his skin. 

He was so gentle, his hands cupping your cheeks as he kissed you slowly, his lips warm and soft against yours. You wanted something more aggressive from him, you tugged at his hair, trying to deepen the kiss, but he kept his pace slow, steady, torturous.

You pulled away, the alcohol coursing through your veins, your head spinning. You could hear your heartbeat thumping in your ears, feel his breath hot on your cheek.

He was gazing at you, his eyes dark and intense, and you felt a surge of fear and vulnerability that made you snap.

"Stop. Doing. That." You said, pulling away.

"What?"

"Looking at me like that," You replied.

"How am I looking at you?"

"Like...like..." You trailed off, unsure how to explain it. Like he was looking at you like he loved you, like he wanted you. It was unsettling.

"Like I love you? Because I do."

"Shut up," You muttered, avoiding his gaze.

He took your chin and forced you to look at him. His expression was serious, his gaze boring into yours.

"What do I have to do to convince you?" He said pressing you further into the wall, his body trapping yours.

"Do I have to fuck you so hard you never think about another man again?" He growled. "Is that what you want?"

You stared at him, unable to speak.

"Do you want me to tear off your clothes right here and now, and fuck you against the wall, where anyone could see us? Is that what it will take to convince you?" He said, his voice low and husky.

Your mouth opened, but no words came out.

He chuckled, and his lips were on yours, kissing you deeply, passionately, making your knees weak and your heart race. His hands were everywhere, pulling at your clothes, touching every inch of your skin.

"What do I have to do to make you mine and only mine?" He asked, his voice thick and raspy, his fingers gripping your hips and digging in.

You whimpered, trying to catch your breath. He was usually so reserved, so gentle and controlled. This was something else, this was him letting go, and it was overwhelming.

"Lijah-," You moaned, trying to form a coherent thought. "I need some air," You said, pushing him away.

He reluctantly let you go, watching you walk away with pain in his eyes.

You slipped through the crowd and towards the bar, ordering a drink and trying to compose yourself. You could still feel his body heat, his touch on your skin.

"Hey dollface," A voice came from behind you. It was a guy you'd met the night before. Flashes of the fancy kitchen returned to your mind, but you really didn't want to repeat what you'd done last night.

"Hey," You said, smiling politely. "I didn't expect to see you here."

"Yeah, me neither," He laughed. "Can I buy you a drink?"

"Thanks," You replied, finishing the one in your hand. "I'll have a whiskey,"

"Be right back," He winked, disappearing towards the bartender.

You waited for a few minutes before he came back with two glasses of whiskey.

"What are you doing tonight?” He said, giving you a flirty smile.

You gave him a coy smile, sipping your drink.

"Oh, I don't know. Whatever you're into," You said, watching his expression change.

You loved this, the chase, the anticipation of knowing what would happen next. It wasn't even necessarily about the sex, it was about being wanted. You loved to be touched, to be desired, to be looked at with awe and lust. It was easy for you, just a game that you liked to play, a way to make you feel special.

But Elijah was still on your mind, eating away at any enjoyment you should be getting out of this encounter. So you drank, more than you usually did, hoping the alcohol would help numb the feelings you had for him.

Unfortunately, it only made everything worse.

You didn't care about this guy, nor did you want to sleep with him again, you were just enjoying the attention. You needed to forget Elijah and focus on something else, anything.

The rest of the night became a blur, a messy, meaningless haze of alcohol and sounds and hands on your skin. You lost track of time, you stopped caring and you found yourself outside the club, being pulled towards his car, giggling and hiccupping the whole time.

"Come on, sugar, it'll be fun," He slurred, wrapping an arm around you. "Let's have another round at my place," He was trying to pull you into the backseat, and you were too drunk and dizzy to put up a fight.

"I don't know," you mumbled, trying to focus on his face but having a hard time keeping him in your line of vision. He flashed you a dopey smile, leaning in and giving you a sloppy kiss.

"My friieennds will be worried," you protested, trying to get him off you. He wasn't really listening, his attention focusing on groping your ass. You tried to get him to let go of you, pushing on his chest, but he didn't budge.

"I'm sory-" you slurred, "tis was bad idea,"

"Why?" He asked, confusion etched across his face.

"I'm farrrrr to drunk," you said, the words coming out slowly, "I shouldna had that fifth drink,"

"You're very cute when you're drunk," he chuckled, wrapping his arms around your waist.

"Shtop," you slurred, struggling to get out of his grasp.

You saw Elijah leaving the club with Klaus and tried to push the man off.

"My frriiieends areleaving,"

"Come on, they'll understand," he replied, tightening his grip on you.

You started to panic, the world was spinning, and you couldn't think straight. Elijah saw you and came over, the look on his face making it clear that he knew what was going on.

"Lijah-" you said, reaching for him.

The man backed off immediately when he saw Elijah, running his hand through his hair nervously.

"Are you okay?" Elijah asked, pulling you into his arms. You collapsed against his chest, breathing in his familiar scent.

"Too drunk," you slurred, your head lolling against his chest.

He picked you up bridal style, glaring at the man, who was shrinking into himself. He brought you to the car and sat you down in the back seat, he leaned over to fasten your seatbelt and you looked up at him, trying to focus on his face.

"I'm sorry, he jus-just wouldn't stop." You said, your words coming out slowly.

Elijah's demeanor completely changed when he saw how drunk you were. He could smell the alcohol on your breath, see the fog in your eyes.

"Klaus, watch her. I'll be right back," he said, before disappearing.

You tilted your head back, the whole car felt like it was spinning. Klaus was saying something you couldn't quite make out, the words muffled.

You sat in silence for a few minutes, until Elijah came back and got in the car. He had a grim look on his face and there was blood on his shirt.

"Lij-lijah," You whispered, reaching out for him as he sat next to you. "Please tell me you didn't killed him,"

Elijah didn't say a word, just wrapped his arm around you and pulled you close. You leaned into his embrace, resting your head on his shoulder.

"Thank you," You mumbled, your words slurring together.

He smiled slightly, holding you tightly.

You began to drift off to sleep, feeling safe in his arms. He stroked your hair, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

Elijah was hurt that you ran away after his confession. He was the patient one, the one who always waited for you, always put you first. But he was tired of waiting. He couldn't pretend to not have feelings for you anymore, so he'd said something. Then you fled, too scared of commitment, too frightened of intimacy to stick around.

He'd hoped you would give him a chance, that you could learn to trust him and open your heart. But you had rejected him, again and again, and he was done waiting for you to change your mind.

When the car pulled up in front of the compound, you stumbled out, the alcohol making you unsteady on your feet. Your heels making it impossible to walk properly.

You took a tumble but Klaus caught you, wrapping an arm around your waist and helping you stay upright.

"I got her," Elijah said, his voice soft.

"I'm fiiiiinnnnneeee," You protested, trying to push them away, but you fell again and Elijah picked you up and carried you.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and rested your head on his shoulder, breathing in his scent.

"Always such a gentleman," You giggled, your face buried in his neck.

"Sometimes," He said, amusement clear in his voice.

"You look very nice tonight," you added, tugging at his hair.

He brought you to your room and set you on the bed, pulling off your heels and helping you under the blankets.

"Lijah I'm cold, will you come keep me warm?" You pouted, batting your eyelashes at him.

Elijah let out a long sigh, and climbed into bed with you, his arms wrapped around your waist.

You cuddled up to him, enjoying the feeling of his strong arms around you. You couldn't deny the feelings you had for him, but you were determined to push them away. You didn't deserve him, he was far too good for you.

"I'm sorry, Lijah," You whispered, you placed your thigh around his hips, wrapping yourself around him. You wanted him closer, you wanted to feel his skin against yours, feel his heartbeat against your chest. "I want you," you breathed, pressing your lips to his.

He didn't respond, just pulled his head back and stared at you. His gaze was intense, and you found yourself unable to look away, you felt like your heart was being cracked open, exposed.

"No, you don't, you're just drunk," He whispered, his breath hot on your cheek. You were confused, conflicted by the emotions you were feeling, the sensations his closeness provoked.

"Let me show you," You whispered, grabbing the lapels of his jacket, trying to kiss him again, but he pulled back, breaking your hold.

You whimpered, frustrated, as he carefully unwound your arms, freeing himself.

"I can't keep doing this," He said, his voice pained, "it's not fair to either of us. I'm done being the second choice. I'm done being the one you run to when you have nowhere else to go."

"That's not true-" You said, tears welling up in your eyes. You felt like your heart was breaking, shattering into a million pieces, but you couldn't let him know, you couldn't show how much you were hurting.

"Isn't it?" He asked, his tone calm, but there was a fury in his eyes, "I love you, but this isn't working. I'm done wasting my time waiting for you to pick me. I'm just...I'm done,"

You felt like he'd punched you in the gut, your heart was pounding, your stomach twisting in knots. You tried to think of a reply, but you couldn't find any words. You laid there in silence, unable to speak.

He looked at you for a moment, then nodded to himself, as if he'd made up his mind. He got out of bed and left without a word.

Your mind raced as you processed what had just happened.

You were overwhelmed, your emotions a hurricane in your mind. Everything was a mess. You could feel your heart rate rising, your body starting to shake, your breathing coming in shallow bursts. You closed your eyes, trying to calm yourself down, trying to relax, but the panic wouldn't go away.

Then it started, you were shaking uncontrollably, tears pouring down your face, and you couldn't stop crying. You rolled onto your side and curled into a ball, gripping your legs as tightly as possible, the tears flowing freely as you let out a strangled sob.

You cried yourself to sleep, Elijah's name on your lips.

The next morning, you woke up with a pounding headache and a mouthful of sand. Your whole body ached, and the sunlight streaming through the windows made your head throb.

You dragged yourself from the shower, then to the kitchen, in search of coffee like it was a life line.

"Morning, sunshine," Rebekah chirped, way too cheerful for how shitty you felt.

You just grunted in response, pouring yourself a cup of coffee and adding a splash of whiskey. "Can you turn me so I don't have to feel like shit," You asked, leaning against the counter.

Rebekah snorted, sipping her coffee.

"That's a terrible reason to become a vampire," She replied, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, it would save me from hangovers," You shot back, and she shook her head, amused.

"So, how was your night?" You asked, and she smirked, her eyes glinting with mischief.

"It was fantastic," She replied, and you chuckled, taking a long drink of your coffee.

"I'm glad someone had a good time," You said, and she gave you a sympathetic look.

"I thought you and Elijah were hitting it off?" She asked, and you sighed, shaking your head.

"It's complicated," You replied, not wanting to go into detail.

"It's not," she replied, her tone matter-of-fact. "You are just making it so,"

You glared at her, irritated.

"Look, I'm not trying to pry, but I've seen the way you two look at each other. You are both just being stubborn," She continued, and you huffed, rolling your eyes.

"Whatever, I don't want to talk about it," You replied, trying to change the subject.

"Love can be messy," She said, and you laughed, shaking your head.

"Yeah, that's why I don't do it," You replied, and she gave you a look, her brow furrowed.

"You love Elijah, it's not a dirty word," She said, and you scoffed.

"I do not," You protested, and she sighed, exasperated.

"Love isn't something you can opt out of," She replied, her voice soft. "Trust me I've tried,"

You were silent, unable to think of a retort.

"You are just scared, that's all," She continued, and you looked away, not wanting to meet her gaze.

"There's nothing wrong with that, but it's also no reason to run away," She added, her voice gentle.

"I'm not running, I'm living my best life," You replied, a hint of bitterness in your voice.

She just stared at you, her expression one of pity.

"Yeah, well, maybe your best life needs some changes," She said, finishing her coffee and standing up. "I'll see you later,"

You slunk into a chair, nursing your coffee and trying to ignore the gnawing feeling in your stomach.

You didn't even try to deny her accusations, the words dying in your throat. Because she was right, you were scared.

You found Elijah in his room, sitting on the window seat, reading. He looked up when you entered, a small smile on his face.

"How are you feeling? He asked.

"Like shit," You mumbled, shuffling your feet.

"Understandable," He replied, looking back down at his book.

You fidgeted with the hem of your dress, unable to meet his gaze.

"So, last night..." You started, trailing off.

He glanced at you, a curious look on his face.

"I'm sorry," You continued, looking down at your feet.

He put his book down and stood up, walking over to you. He kept his distance, but there was a familiar look in his eyes.

"Did you really mean it? When you said you didn't want this?" You asked, gesturing between the two of you.

"What would you have me do?" He asked, his expression unreadable.

You opened your mouth to say something, but nothing came out. You didn't know what to say, you didn't have the words to describe what you were feeling. So you did what you always did when things got tough, you shut down, closed yourself off and tried to run.

You turned away, ready to walk out, but Elijah grabbed your arm, stopping you. He pulled you close, his face inches from yours.

"Why do you keep pushing me away?" He asked, his voice soft.

You swallowed hard, your throat dry. You tried to think of something to say, something that would make him understand, but your mind was blank.

"Because... Because I'm scared," You said, your voice barely a whisper.

He lifted your chin up, his gaze searching yours.

"What are you afraid of?" He asked, and you let out a shaky breath.

"I'm afraid of losing you," You said, your voice breaking slightly. "I'm afraid that you'll break my heart,"

His eyes grew dark and he pushed you back against the wall. Your heart hammered in your chest, fear and desire surging through your body. His hands gripped your hips, his gaze hungry and dangerous. You saw his desire, his love, and for once, you didn't want to run from it.

You pushed against his chest, your breathing becoming shallow, but he didn't budge. He was firm, unyielding, just like his love for you.

 His hands traveled up your body, pushing up your dress. He pulled it over your head and tossed it aside, leaving you exposed and vulnerable before him. He looked down at you, drinking in the sight, and you felt a rush of heat in your core. His gaze was almost too much to bear, but you held it, refusing to back down. He pressed his lips to yours, the kiss hungry and rough, and you moaned against his lips.

"I can't share you anymore," he whispered, his voice strained with effort, his nose buried in your neck.

"You don't have to," you mumbled, gasping when he sank his fangs into your neck. You gripped his shoulders, holding on for dear life.

"Good," he growled, withdrawing his fangs. His tongue lapped at your neck, sending a wave of pleasure through you.

"Mine," he said, a possessive edge to his voice.

You trembled under his touch, his kiss growing even more heated. He pinned your wrists above your head with one hand, the other gripping your waist, his fingers digging into your skin. He lifted your thigh, wrapping it around his hips and pressing your back against the wall.

"I'm going keep you in my bed until you understand," he growled, and you moaned, unable to think straight.

He ripped your panties off, tossing them aside before sinking two fingers into you. You arched your back, grinding against his hand, desperate for relief. He pressed his thumb against your clit, rubbing it in slow circles as his fingers pumped into you.

He watched you, a small smirk on his face, enjoying the way you came undone beneath him. Something in him had snapped, and he could not longer hold back his need for you to be his. He tried many times to show you how much he loves you, but you always ran away at the first sign of intimacy. Not this time though, he was going to break down every wall you'd built and claim you.

You were getting closer to the edge, your breathing labored as your pleasure built. Just as you were on the verge, he removed his fingers from you, denying you relief. You cried out, trying to grind against him, but he held you still. He loved seeing you like this, desperate and begging for him.

"Now you know how I feel," he whispered, and you gasped, his words sending a shockwave through you.

He chuckled softly, his breath warm against your neck. He wrapped his arms around your waist and flipped you around, slamming you against the wall, making the painting beside you rattling in its place.

He pressed himself into your back, his hand circling your throat, the other wandering freely. He ran his finger along the clasp of your bra, freeing your breasts from the lacy material.

His fingers traced your nipples, teasing them into stiff peaks, his lips on your neck. You whimpered as he rolled his hips against you, the bulge in his pants rubbing against your ass.

"I'm going to mark every inch of your perfect skin," He purred, his voice thick with desire. "So everyone knows you are mine,"

He nipped at your neck, his fangs threatening to break the surface again. You moaned, grinding against him, desperate for more. He chuckled, sucking at the spot on your neck, leaving a dark hickey behind.

He pulled you away from the wall and pushed you onto the bed, forcing you onto all fours. His hands gripped your hips, and he leaned forward, licking a strip down the length of your spine. You shivered, your whole body alive and sensitive to his touch. He slid his tongue between your cheeks, stopping to suck and lick at your tight little hole, sending wave after wave of pleasure through you.

You tried to sit up but he pushed you back down, his tongue spearing into your rear entrance. You moaned, squirming under him, your face flushed with desire. He inserted a finger into your pussy, and began to slowly fuck you.

It didn't take long for your thighs to start shaking, your muscles tensing as your orgasm approached. You bit your lip, trying to hold back, but it was futile. You let go with a low moan and suddenly yelped as he sunk his fangs into your ass cheek.

"Lijah!" You exclaimed, surprised.

This rough, wild side of him, so completely different from the gentle, refined man you knew, it scared and excited you. The way took control was the most erotic thing you've experienced in a long time.

He flipped you over and pressed you down onto the bed, straddling you. His pupils were blown wide, his lips stained red with blood, his breathing heavy. You tried to reach up and touch him, but he pinned your wrists down. You lay there, unable to move, completely at his mercy. You had never felt so safe and loved in your entire life.

He freed your wrists kissed them gently, a soothing gesture that contrasted with the roughness from earlier. His lips trailed down your arms, kissing, sucking, and nipping at your skin. You shuddered as his breath ghosted against your neck.

You tugged at his shirt, and he let you strip him of it, his bare skin warm and firm against your own. You ran your hands over his chest, relishing the feel of him.

He pulled off his pants, laying down beside you, your naked bodies intertwining. You stared up at him, a soft smile on your lips. He returned it, his gaze unguarded and gentle. He captured your lips in a sweet kiss, his hands stroking your face and hair.

"I'm sorry for being a fool," you said softly, your eyes glassy with tears.

"Shhh," he murmured, nuzzling your neck. "You have nothing to be sorry for,"

"I do," you insisted. "I love you, I've always loved you. I was just...I was just scared to admit it, to myself or anyone else."

You looked up at him, your expression vulnerable, your eyes pleading. He smiled softly and brushed his lips against yours, a gentle kiss, almost a question.

"Be mine, only mine," he whispered, his forehead resting against yours.

"Yes," you breathed, your heart hammering in your chest. "Always."

He parted your legs and slowly eased inside of you, a growl rumbling deep in his chest. He began moving his hips in a rhythmic motion, his fingers gripping the sheets.

You looked into his eyes, feeling whole. He was giving you such pleasure, and his love radiated from him, engulfing you. Everything behind his eyes, the trust and tenderness, the pain and loneliness, you saw all of it.

It made you feel like you were part of his inner world. He was baring his soul to you, letting you in and you were doing the same, letting him see beyond all of the walls and boundaries, right into the depths of your heart and spirit.

And the intensity of it all wasn't scary, it felt liberating, it felt right. His body was just a shell for his fire, for the overwhelming love he felt for you. You both weren't physical beings anymore, but something beyond. Like you are one entity, one flame, burning bright.

You couldn't really describe how you felt, but there was this sense of completion, like you've found something that had been missing all this time. You could see it in his eyes too, a weight had been lifted off his shoulders and he looked lighter somehow.

You two were making love, and you were both acutely aware of it. There was no mistaking this for anything less, even if you tried. Time seemed to stand still and the outside world fell away, leaving only the two of you. No past or future, just the present.

You didn't need to talk, there was no need for words. You could feel his thoughts, and you could feel him understand yours, the two of you harmonizing and flowing with each other in an endless, gentle rhythm.

This was what he wanted all this time, to show you what sex can really mean when it is shared between two souls, two hearts. Not just animalistic fucking, but pure love-making, a deeper level of intimacy. And you understood now, you were becoming one.

You didn't know how long you had been making love, it could have been hours, or maybe it was days. All you knew was that it was the best experience of your life.

He was being serious when he said he was going to keep you in his bed until you understood. And now you do, now you understand what it means to be loved by him. What it is like to be part of him, to share that connection, that bond.

Your bodies were covered with sweat, entangled as one, both of you out of breath. Every muscle was sore but you didn't care. You were drunk off his love.

"Can we stay like this forever?" You asked, your eyes half closed, exhaustion setting in.

"Yes," He whispered, caressing your cheek. "Because you are mine, all mine,"

"Yours," you said sleepily, snuggling into him.

This was just one night together, a small taste of what being with him was going to be like, and you knew you would never be the same again. He had destroyed your walls and torn down every boundary you had built around yourself.

He held your bleeding heart in his hands, and instead of crushing it, he gave you his own.

{Moodboard->}

♡♡ Tag-List ♡♡

♡ @gorgeouslydangerous ♡ @starkleila ♡ @lydia1369sworld ♡ @notleylaaa ♡ @vampiresluv ♡ @vamprium ♡ @myanmy ♡ @xflowerbombxo ♡ @maryvibess ♡ @always-and-forever-daydreaming ♡ @criminallminds ♡ @theesexystallion ♡ @rosemarypotion ♡ @spnaquakindgdom ♡ @amournoir ♡ @loving-and-dreaming ♡ @meeom ♡ @damienmorton ♡

[number-onekidqueen]

𝐖𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐖𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐒𝐨𝐛𝐞𝐫

Part One Part Two.

Angst

Luke Castellan x Apollo!fem!reader

warnings: underage alcohol use, minor injuries, angst, denying feelings, surprise kisses

Summary: you and Luke go to a party and some things happen while you’re under the influence.

Parties were secret affairs at Camp Half-Blood.

Well, secret from Chiron, the one who would put an end to them. Mr D. could usually be convinced by one of his children to keep quiet if a dash of something alcoholic was poured into his Diet Coke. Once curfew had passed and all the younger children had been safely and snugly tucked in and Chiron and Mr D. had retreated to Big House, all those involved would gather in one of the emptier cabins that had older campers. The Hypnos kids would place a sleeping spell on the younger kids that belonged to the cabin hosting the party.

And then the fun would begin.

The alcoholic beverage supply was not immense, but there was enough provided from older Hermes campers to get, well, severely wasted.

Luke knew that path hadn’t been your initial idea, but you were well on your way there.

He on the other hand, hadn’t drank that much, stopping after he noticed just how much you had been drinking.

You weren’t usually like this. As a daughter of Apollo you were intelligent and responsible, a trusted head counsellor and a masterful healer. It was usually he causing mischief and getting hurt, and you patching him up and reprimanding him.

How the roles had reversed. Instead of your modest camp uniform and demeanour, you were in ripped jeans and a striped tank top and had converted into an absolute entertainer, lighting up the room. You weren’t acting like a semi-rowdy nineteen year old anymore, but a fully-wild twenty-five year old college student. He wished he was as drunk as you, because it seemed you were having the time of your life from how enthusiastically you were laughing with a random Ares girl you had traded drinks with.

Instead he was the only vaguely sober one in a crowd of drunk late teens playing inappropriate games or dancing. It wasn’t fun anymore.

The games were the only thing that kept him there.

“Ok… y/n,” one of your sisters - he couldn’t tell in the dim light, Apollo children all looked golden - drawled, pointing insistently to you. “Do a dare or spin the bottle!”

He observed as you appeared to think, contemplative as you sipped beer - gods you needed to stop drinking, please - before reaching for the glass bottle on the floor. The small crowd cheered and squatted in a wonky circle, Luke joining them and sighing lightly.

He hated this game. Hated how you would happily kiss anyone. He wished in these moments that he did have the courage to talk to you, to tell you how he felt and sweep you off your feet. And then it would be him you would kiss and hold hands with, and he would take care of you and do anything to make you laugh.

But instead you kissed others.

Finally, after a few clumsy grasps of the bottle, you drunkenly clutched it before giving it a rough spin. It whirled around and around noisily, colours shining off of it, and at that moment he loathed that gleaming glass neck, loathed it with a passion for pointing at everyone but him-

For not-

Pointing at him.

At him.

And by some miracle, by some grace from the Gods, it was pointing at him.

His heart raced wildly and he struggled to breathe as he glanced up at you. You were already looking at him. Your eyes looked golden in the light, and your hair covered most of your face, hiding your expression. He inhaled and exhaled shakily, hoping to calm down as he waited for your move.

You stayed still.

Still.

Still.

Maybe this was awkward for you, he suddenly realised, panicking. After all he was your best friend, of course it was weird to kiss your best friend. In fact you were probably waiting for him to call it off, but he’d taken so long to understand, he was an idiot.

“It’s o-okay,” he stuttered, cursing himself, “you don’t-“

You pounced at him, your lips smashing together. Immediately his mind went blank. It was burning, passionate, fierce, and somehow infinitely better than anything he’d ever guiltily dreamed about as he lay awake. He noticed vaguely that you’d landed in his lap and wrapped your arms aggressively around his neck. He was much more preoccupied by your lips, how they moved against his perfectly. How when you were this close to him, you smelled like chocolate chip cookies. How your lips and mouth and tongue tastes like flawless hot spun sugar. How you were into this, and into him. How all of his dreams had come true and maybe this wasn’t a terrible night.

And then you dragged a hand through his curls and it felt so good he had to fight not to groan, ugh.

“Get some, Castellan!”

“Something’s getting a little hot in here.”

And this meant nothing, he realised suddenly as the catcalls continued, his thoughts returning. Because this was all an act, something to impress the others and make them laugh from your boldness. Luke was just the pawn, something to elevate you higher-

He felt sick, his lips slowing, before stopping completely, pulling away from you. He faked a weak smile, drawing his face further away from yours and avoiding eye contact. He didn’t want to see the drunken humour in your eyes.

“Ok, your turn next!!” Someone yelled, and it was all over.

——————————————

So it stayed, an almost torturous existence before he noticed your eyelids drooping as you sleepily accepted the Ares girl’s shot glass. And finally, finally, he had an excuse to get out of this hellhole.

He walked over, dodging campers all around, before he approached, putting a gentle hand on your shoulder.

“Hey, y/n,” he said softly, “I think we should get outta here. You seem kinda tired and so am I.”

“How did you know that?!” You asked incredulously, spinning around to him in shock.

“That you were tired?”

“Yeah!”

“Oh,” he chuckled awkwardly, “your eyes are all droopy, it’s kinda obvious.”

“Huh. Well, y’know what, I kinda agree. Let’s go.” You shrugged, waving to the Ares girl as you walked with him. You linked arms and he tried to act normal. You two never shared this much casual contact.

“What’s her name?” Luke asked, focusing on his surroundings, as you walked out the door.

“I have no idea,” you replied cheerily, breaking from him and taking a leap off the step. It didn’t end well, with you tripping and falling in a heap on the damp and cold grass.

“Are you ok?” He asked, knelt over you and concerned. You giggled, nodding and accepting his hand as it pulled you up.

“Ok, just- let me- hold onto me, ok?” He said, looping an arm around your shoulder to keep you steady. He held on as you laughed like a little girl and clung to his t-shirt all the way to your cabin.

The stars were nice tonight. For once, you could see them, like billions of shimmering white dots in the skies and it really added to the peace of the scenery. The air was cooler, there were no people, and it was so much quieter. More serene. He felt as if he could breathe. He glanced at the stars once more as he led you up the stairs to your door, before dropping your hand. Or trying to. You didn’t let go.

“Good night,” he whispered, giving your hand a squeeze and trying again.

Your grip wouldn’t loosen.

“Luke,” you murmured breathlessly, stepping forward, bringing your joined hands to your chest. He could feel your breath, warmth, pulse. Fast. Like his. “Why are you….”

“What?”

You looked as if you were going to say more, but couldn’t find the words, instead stepping even closer, and he could feel your joined hands compressed between your two chests. His chest was still, his breathing completely halted as your eyes observed him delicately, his eyes, nose, scar, jawline, cheeks, mouth, as if he was a priceless painting.

You met him once again.

It was softer this time. Your lips still moved in sync, but it was sweeter, calmer. If the other kiss had been caramel, this was smooth, gorgeous honey. As if you had all the time in the world to dazzle him with your smooth kisses. You probably did. Your hands were slower as well, leaving warm trails all over as they made their way down his back, over his sides and under his shirt, where your fingers traced the hard contours of his chest. He had to restrain the urge to shiver violently at your touch.

You pulled away a fraction, warm breath hitting his lips. “Come inside. Stay over.” You panted against them.

He wanted to. Tiptoeing in with a smile on his face and crawling into your bed, with you beside him? His dream. Being tangled in your bedsheets, waking up with every limb of yours and his twisted together, and your hair splayed over his chest? His Elysium.

But you were drunk, deeply drunk. And if he was ever lucky enough to experience any of that, he wanted to have the real event, where alcohol didn’t influence your willingness. He wanted you to be sober.

“I can’t.” He withdrew from you, out of reach. “You’re drunk and I don’t think you know what you’re talking about.”

“What do you mean?”

“Y/N, I’m your best friend, you don’t like me that way. You’re just drunk.”

“Yeah. Like super drunk.” You affirmed, nodding enthusiastically. “But that doesn’t change anything. I like you sooo much-“

No. Luke wouldn’t hear this. After liking - maybe even loving - you for this long, your drunk, confused notions would hurt him too much. He refused to listen.

“C’mon let’s get you to bed so your hangovers not too bad.” He interrupted, taking your arm and leading you into the cabin. “We’ll talk about this later.”

Needless to say, you would never talk about it again if it was up to him.

He left quickly, once you were tucked in, before you could give him a response, with a hurried ‘goodnight’.

Once he was tucked comfortably in his own bunk in cabin 11, he pondered the night’s events. A whole lot of drinking. Stupid games. Not one, but two kisses. Even if they meant… nothing. They were nice either way, and probably the only two he would ever get from you.

————————————————-

The next day, he admitted, was a disaster on his behalf.

He’d had a strong plan to pretend nothing had ever happened. And then while he was getting dressed, four of his siblings wolf-whistled and smirked when they saw him. Clearly not something everyone had forgotten.

And when he saw you at breakfast, wincing slightly and looking drowsy, the moment your eyes had flashed to his, all he could think about were the kisses. He couldn’t see straight, and stumbled while he grasped his breakfast tray, and before he knew it, he hadn’t even said hello to you.

The avoidance gradually increased. After breakfast, he steered clear of you, going straight to his class with younger demigods. He didn’t make an effort to accompany an injured camper to visit you, instead sending one of their friends with them. And during lunch, where he’d usually visit you at the infirmary and bring food, he stayed at Hermes table, with nervous feet rooted to the floor.

He could tell by dinner, you were confused, hurt even, from the glances you were sending to him. And he wanted to go over, make it up to you by sitting beside you and telling you one of the Stoll’s latest schemes, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do so. It was like he was a shy toddler all over again, clinging to his mother’s leg, and he was so embarrassed for it.

That night, he swore the next day he would be better about everything. Be honest, available and just see how things would go from there. You guys had been through anything. Surely you couldn’t let each other down for this.

He woke early, with a clear mind and went to retrieve breakfast for him and you. Finding you in the infirmary, rolling bandages, he took a deep inhale before stepping in, ready.

“Hey,” he greeted, cringing a little at himself as you dropped the bandage in surprise, and watching as it rolled all over the umber planks in white streaks.

“Oh, uh, hey,” you replied, scrambling to pick it up and sending him a distracted smile. Not the greatest start, but he could improve.

“Sorry I haven’t been around. Been busy, around the place with new campers, y’know,” he lied, feeling guilty, “funny, haven’t actually seen you since we-“

“Hung out at the party?” You interrupted, nodding.

What? Hanging out? Just hanging out did not qualify ignoring him till the party was over and then two kisses and an almost-confession.

Unless you didn’t want to acknowledge the truth. Apparently, this was the case.

“…. Yeah.” He hesitantly agreed, searching your eyes for any signs you might want to take back what you said.

You wouldn’t even meet them.

“Anyway,” he placed the plate down on the bench, faking a smile, “here’s breakfast. Have a great day.”

And as he walked out, disappointed that you had let him down, he couldn’t help but wonder how things would’ve turned out differently if you had been sober.

How he wished you had been sober.

[zhvakinnn]

SBG cuddling with a male s/o pt 2

-✧-✧-✧-✧-✧-✧-✧-✧-✧-✧-✧-✧-✧-✧-✧-

Since i kept forgetting to do this request I'll be doing it now, sorry if i made you wait for so long, i had a part time job and uh when I'm on my break i draw cuz yeah but now I'm doing it!!

-✧-✧-✧-✧-✧-✧-✧-✧-✧-✧-✧-✧-✧-✧-✧-

Warning's: none just fluff

Characters: Ashlyn, Taylor, tyler

✨as always i don't know much English so if something is wrong correct me✨

Ashlyn Banner

She's very affectionate but not in public

She likes your relationship private and your okay with it, you respect her boundaries

But everyone started to notice a tiny of you both change whenever you get or almost hurt she always ran up to you and check if your okay

When when your sparing she's more gentle to you but sometimes rough (she's manhandling us)

When mostly you two are sometimes inseparable

When they confront you, you tried to denied it but you we're a bad liar sorry

Ever since they found out you were in a relationship you were now glued to Ashlyn like you don't want her to let go of you do ,like she will just disappear

She wants her privacy but you live in her privacy

But sometimes she really just wants to be left out of a minute you will but she will come back hugging you

Here it is whenever she's tired you cuddle her, stress? Cuddle, hurt? Cuddle

Everyone might think she hates your touch but reality she deeply inlove with you

She needs your hug 24/7 and you need her as a pillow

Bonus!

When you meet her parents you were so nervous once you step on that door their already glaring at you when kept asking you questions like

'are you doing drugs?'

'are in a gang?'

' i swear if you hurt my daughter your gonna get-'

" mom, dad stop it your scaring him"

She said it In a non-chalant tone

You wanna deny but it's true you feel like your gonna pee your pants

But not a moment later they started to like you then they pull out those parents who embarrassed their child with a baby picture

"and look! Here Ashlyn when she first walk"

"oh she's nake-"

"MOM STOP!"

Taylor Hernandez

When Tyler found out your relationship damn his like a lion that can eat you

He was very protective of Taylor

You tried everything to convince that you'll never leave her nor hurt her

Then Taylor came butting in saying that you'll never hurt her, you smiled when she said that because she has her full trust on you

Whenever you're sad she always hug You even in public or in private she doesn't care she always do PDA's and she's not embarrassed of it

But if you don't like you're relationship public she will ask for your consent, she isn't the type to force anyone

But as a male you protect her but sometimes she just protect herself but still

You know that quote?

"I'm not protecting you because you're a woman, I'm protect you because you're my woman"

She will get so flustered so much

And that scene where tyler you know

🌳

She won't stop crying so when she was sleeping you hug her thigthly letting her cry on your chest

"its okay, I'm here ok?, I'm sure Tyler will be just alright he will be with us in no time"

Her smile was sad but beautiful under the moonlight

"thank you.."

She nuzzle in you're neck she you kissed her forehead you two stay like that for a while

"get a room"

"shut up Aiden"

Tyler Hernandez

Like Ashlyn he tend to keep your relationship private but he didn't kept a secret his relationship with, with the gang

Taylor supports you and already calling you her brother-in-law

They all support you two but sometimes uh.. aiden is a teased?

"haha gay"

Ben already handle that and your surprise tyler didn't get mad at it

"why would I be mad? I am really gay anyway, but mostly I'm gay for him"

You just wanna float away from his words

When have a match you were there to support him in a ' platonic' way

But once he won his gonna win a thousand of kisses and cuddles in private

He doesn't do PDA on public but he sometimes put his hand on your hand under the table while eating

"get a room"

Oh right cuddles!

He always loves your hug's

When he lose his game he was mad and yeah

But your there to calm him down so sometimes you go to their place and greet his mom and straight to his room

"its ok you did you're best"

He tried to complain but you stopped him saying every detail about the game and how proud you are of him

He calmed down and hugged you

He always wants the big spoon but today his not gonna do that

You comforted him by saying that he did great and yeah you were proud of him

"oh sorry am i disturbing something" :D

"Taylor?!"

"hi"

"hi"

-✧-✧-✧-✧-✧-✧-✧-✧-✧-✧-✧-✧-✧-✧-✧-

Yeah that's it sorry if its uh short i couldn't think more🤷🏻

But anyways hope y'all like it!

Oh wait tags: @mac-the-mac-an-cheess-eater

I hope this is you:')

Masterlist | about me | rules

[nomoreusername]

Neverending Pain

Pairing:Thomas x gender neutral reader

Summary:When Thomas catches you hurting yourself, he holds you while you cry.

⚠️ Self harm ⚠️

I never feel good about myself. Not anymore. I don't think that I remember the last time I could stand myself. There's so much self resentment that I can never get rid of, no matter how much I actually want to.

I know that it wouldn't make sense to others so I never actually tell anybody. What good would that do?

I barely get it sometimes. Everybody else is fine with their life, is content. Everybody else is thankful that they're alive.

I don't want to die, but if I was in the way of a bullet I wouldn't be eager to move. I would just be like well, this is my fate, and there's nothing I can do about it. Even if there absolutely is, I would lie to myself the way I lie to people who care about me.

Hurting myself is the only solution now. It's the only way I can barely keep holding on.

I barely feel it anymore. The cuts on my thighs. I don't even care about them.

I don't feel worthy of good things, and I don't think I ever will again.

So I do this. I drag a blade across my skin. It's easier than saying I’ve got a problem and don't know how to cope properly with it. This is how I cope.

I had my shorts on as I kept doing it over and over. The towel was already by my side so I wouldn't stain anything. I don't want my problem to be somebody else's.

The blood bubbled up to the surface the way my emotions were begging to.

I don't know how to let them. I don't know how to do anything anymore.

“Y/N?”

Freezing at Thomas's voice, my heart stopped. I know the storage room doesn't belong to me, but my secret space felt invaded, like it was taken over. Every part of me wanted to scream in frustration that he didn't belong here, that this place belonged to me. That what I do in here isn't anyone's business, even his.

“Y/N,”He said louder, shutting the door behind him.

I reluctantly dropped the blade to the ground as I still didn't look up. I don't want to see the confusion or disappointment or whatever it is, and I don't want him to tell me to stop. This is fine. I could be killing myself. Isn't this better?

“Y/N, look at me,”He quietly pushed.

Despite his words sounding like a request, he pressed his palms to my cheeks, making me. His eyebrows were furrowed in hurt at the realization of what I had been doing to myself.

“It's not a problem,”I denied.

“Y/N-”

“This is fine. This is okay, okay? This is fine for me to do.”

“Y/N-”

“It's my skin, and if I want to cut it I should be able to. If I want to hurt myself, it shouldn't matter. Not to anybody.”

“Y/N-”

“Everyone can just ignore it, the way we all ignore what happened to us. The way we ignore everyone who died. We can just keep pretending it's fine, the way we pretend we haven't lost everyone.”

“Y/N-”

“It's fine, it's fine, it's fine! This is fine!”I insisted, pulling my face away. Covering it with my hands, I started sobbing into my palms, ignoring the blood dripping to the floor, no doubt leaving a mark that would never leave.

Everybody else is gone though. Everybody and I’m here, feeling like less than a shell of a person.

“I’m sorry,”I choked out through cries.

“It's okay, it's okay,”He soothed, his own voice cracking. Moving closer, he kept repeating those words as he held my shoulders.

“It's not. It's not okay. Nothing is okay,”I pointed out.

“It's okay. It's okay,”He whispered, placing his hands over mine. As my tears spilled I pressed my forehead against his. I could hear his heavy breaths as he was trying to be strong, which only made me cry harder.

“It's okay. It's okay,”He repeated.

“It's not. It's not okay, Thomas. Nothing has been okay for so long, and I can't make it stop. The pain never leaves,”I said through shaky breaths.

“This isn't the answer. This won't make it leave.”

“But it feels fine. Everything is fine when I do it,”I tried to explain.

“But what about after? What about now? What's okay now?”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry,”I repeated, wrapping my arms around him. Burying my face in his shoulder, I soaked his shirt. Holding me back, he put a hand behind my head and one on my back, keeping me as close as possible.

“It hurts, Thomas. It always hurts,”I whispered.

“I know, but this won't make it hurt less.”

“But I can think about that pain instead of what I feel all the time. It feels better. It's like I have to.”

“You don't have to do this. You don't deserve to hurt.”

“But I do. I always do.”

“I know. I know,”He whispered.

“I can't do this anymore.”

“Can't do what?”

“Any of it. Life. I can't do it anymore.”

He didn't say anything back. He simply rubbed my back as he repeatedly kissed my forehead. I could feel his tears falling on my face but couldn't say anything about it. I was too tired, too drained.

Nothing had to be said though. Plenty could be said later, but right now, this hug was enough.

[cassofnowhere]

There’s this little sidequest on GOW 2018 where a ghost promises to help them talk with the dead, if they help him. Atreus is excited bc now he believes he can talk to his mother, while Kratos is extremely weary and warns Atreus that the spirit is lying and his mother is GONE.

Anyway, there’s this moment where Kratos asks Atreus what he wants to say to his mother and he answer something like “tell her about our adventures, that we’re okay, that everything is working out”. It’s very sweet. Then I think Atreus asks what he wants to tell Faye and Kratos is like “nothing. There was nothing left to say”, and I bet that brought him comfort and a sense of closure, but then the end of the game happens and PLOT TWIST! Faye was not who she said she was! She had so many secrets it makes one’s head spin, and that sense of closure is gone. Suddenly, there’s so much to say that will be left unsaid.

It gets to me. I think Kratos writes in his journal how much he wishes to just talk to Faye again, and although he never EVER says as much, I imagine how it must hurt to find out he didn’t knew her at all. Or at least there’s this BIG part of her life, of herself that she kept hidden and he will never fully know. God, it must eat him inside (or at least me).

The Vanaheim sidequest when we learn about her fight with Thor…god, I always find it a little sad. How Kratos keeps denying that Faye had anything to do with it until the evidence becomes too much to ignore. This part where he insists Faye didn’t drink bc she never did it with him….but it becomes clear she did drink in the past, he just didn’t knew about it. It breaks my heart to watch Kratos find out through third parties about his wife’s life, the woman he loved.

And none of this will never be resolved. He can’t get angry with her for keeping secrets bc she’s dead. There’s no point in resenting the dead. He can’t sit with her and ask why, he can’t sit with her and ask for more. She can’t tell those stories herself and I think that’s what hurts the most. There’s always going to be a part of Faye that’s going to shrouded in mystery.

That’s what I feel defines Faye and Kratos in the end. This lack of closure. That they needed at least one last, long conversation so they could finally say EVERYTHING that needs to be said. It breaks my heart that Kratos will never get that.

And I know what is important they do know. That they loved each other deeply. Faye keeping secrets doesn’t mean what they had, what they shared wasn’t real…but still!!!!

[daisybianca]

pairing: sebastian vettel x femalereader

summary: you were an innocent, average 21 year old girl who was madly in love with the German boy with those adorable, blue eyes. the only problem remaining and keeping any possible affair between the two of you totally forbidden: you were also his best friend's beloved and dearest daughter.

warnings: swearing, dirty talking, mentions of sexual activities, forbidden romance

YOU BOWED YOUR head, viewing your black high heels in shame. "I-I..." The words refused stubbornly to escape from your lips as Seb's intense blue eyes pierced into yours, reading your soul, but fortunately and luckily enough, not your thoughts.

"Just tell me, (y/n)." The paparazzi were just a few feet away. Any wrong move and you would be in multiple magazines' front cover in a instant.

Gosh, he looked extremely fine in that suit.

The urge to call him Sir and tell him to rip your red dress off wouldn't allow you to sleep peacefully in bed later. You were sure of that.

"What happened, angel?" His face expression read I'm worried about you. "Did anybody hurt you?" He insisted, pushing you to your limits.

You couldn't talk to him face to face this morning. Last night's events had rooted in your mind. You just couldn't do it anymore. You were willing to confess everything that had been torturing you this whole time.

"Seb, I'm so sorry- I truly am. I didn't intend to--" Sebastian's rough hands grabbed you gently, his right one from your wrist, while the other one found the delicate spot of your waist. His thumb caressed the surface there, burning a hole, as he guided you somewhere more privately. In a hidden place behind the parking lot, which was full of empty luxury cars.

When you arrived there, his hands let go of you and you instantly missed the warmth, craving his touch more than anything.

Just like last night.

It was hot out here in the darkness of this area. Even though your dress didn't do much to cover up your entire body, the scorching temperature didn't fail to make you sweat and nervously blush like a 14-year-old school girl.

"Okay." Sebastian started talking. "I'm really worried right now. I don't know what happened, but you'll have to tell me, otherwise we'll be stuck in this parking lot until the sun rises. I swear to God, (y/n)." His lips transformed into a thin line, as his eyes found the sky, praying that your confession wasn't be something too serious. Because if anyone dared to lay a hand on you without your permission, or hurt you in any way---Fuck, he could sense the rage coming out of him just at the thought of it occuring. That person was so fucked. "Please, tell me, angel." His German accent emerged out and his hands cupped your cheeks softly.

You wanted to cry because you knew damn well he had every right to yell at you.

He was so out of limits for you. And at the same time, so irresistibly desired.

"I did something last night." You could feel Sebastian's thumbs dancing across your burning skin.

"Tell me." Grabbing your hand, he kissed it, abandoning his wet spot there.

He had always been good with you, given that you were his dearest friend's beloved and only daughter. But things changed when you grew up and moved back in the country. Having a crush on him at a young age was something everyone thought was cute. Now it had evolved into something extremely bigger, though. You couldn't deny it.

"Please, don't yell at me." You closed your eyes tightly, afraid of the possible outcome of your confession. "Even though I think I'd yell at me if I were in your shoes right now."

Muffled sounds came from the massive building behind you, but fortunately everyone was in it and not out here.

"I would never do that." He spoke the words and pushed a long curl behind your ear.

It'd be better if you just kept the secret for yourself in the first place, you thought. However, the weight of it hurt your innocent soul and you wouldn't be calm unless you confessed it to him.

"I pleasured myself," You bit your lip, your voice barely audible to the blond-haired man before you. "...thinking about you." A tear was so ready to roll. Sebastian's eyes darkened as he walked a tiny step away, obviously surprised. "I swear, Sebastian, I didn't want to- I just-."

"You touched yourself at the thought of me?" His grin began to form, confusing the words in your head and not letting them flee. "(y/n), did you touch yourself last night while thinking about me?" He repeated but didn't gain an answer once again. "Fuck, I-" Seb scratched his beard and turned around. Facing his back and a perfectly-ironed black blazer, you crossed your arms on your chest.

Sebastian laughed and turned again to face you.

That would be a hell of a long night.

When his eyes met yours, a hot tear slipped, not having the energy and willingness to hold it back anymore.

"No, no, don't cry, love." Rushing to you, he hugged you and time seemed to stop for a single moment.

"I freaking hate confessions." You cried in his neck as he held you there.

A few seconds passed and then Sebastian forced you to look at him again by grabbing your chin with his thumb. "Can I make a confession too?" He asked and you looked up at him. "In order to make you feel a little better?"

You tried to laugh at your father's best friends words. "Nothing can make me feel better, right now, Seb."

He titled his head, lowering his neck to approach you even more. "Well,... let me try at least. Okay?" His lips almost touched your forehead and you could sense his hot breath and the familiar and alluring cologne just a few inches away. "What if I told you I've done this multiple times before?" A breath was captured in your lungs.

"What?" You legs felt wobbly, your breath unsteady.

"It's hard to distract myself when I pass by your father's house almost every day of the week, with you being there too." Shivers were sent down your spine and lower body. You couldn't believe what he was telling you. "You don't know how many cold showers I have to take when I arrive home at nights, (y/n)." Seb said and collided with yours, filling the kiss with indescribable lust.

And that was the moments when you realized you wanted him so badly.

He craved you too. Surely more than you did--if that was even possible--even though he knew nothing should happen between the two of you in a romantic way. He knew that since the moment he saw you for the first time a few months ago, when you came back from university.

But his love for you was forbidden and he risked his life for it. He risked his bond and unique friendship with your father just so as to steal a single kiss from you.

"I'm willing to break my rules for you, angel."

●○•°•○●

requests are always open for my wags <3

[theoceanoasis]

Part 3 for deity Hot Rod/Rodimus.

I'm not the original asker but I hope you don't mind I just like the idea.

If he thought everyone's unwanted attention was bad. He was awoken by a sharp pull on his spark. Touching his chest he knew what it meant and felt nervous.

"What's wrong?"

Soundwave shifted over to look at him.

"Nightmare?"

"No my carrier is calling."

"What?"

"He wants me to return to Cybertron."

"Why?"

"I don't know. He probably wants to ask me why I transformed when I was so adamant about fighting as a regular soldier."

"It's going to be okay. I'm here for you."

"I know."

He laid back down letting Soundwave pull him close. The two snuggled together and fell asleep.

Even though he tried to ignore the pulling. He knew his carrier wouldn't be calling without a reason.

When he told his crew they'd be returning to Cybertron they seemed excited. Asking him questions wanting to know if they were there for a special reason. Deciding not to mention the real reason he made up something about supplies which was true.

Going back to Cybertron he felt nervous. Usually he'd talk to Drift about whatever was on his mind but... They weren't in speaking terms at the moment. Drift was still respectful almost reverent towards him but he kept his distance.

It hurt and he wanted to apologize for what he said feeling guilty. He just didn't know how to approach the topic with him.

Soundwave put a comforting hand on his shoulder and he leaned into his touch appreciating the support. Especially when they landed on Cybertron.

"Do you want me to sneak you out?"

He thought about it for a moment. Worried about his crew following him and agreed. Which was a good thing. Because news had reached Cybertron of what he'd done and who he was. People who had ignored him or were down right hostile when he was just a Prime. Were now standing amongst the crowd of bots, who'd gathered around the Lost Light to see him. Including Optimus who was there waiting for him.

"Come on this way."

They weaved through the back alleyways. Soundwave's cassettes making sure no one was either following them or ahead of them.

"Won't there be a lot of people at the well?"

"I know a secret way inside."

He led them to a cave leading underground. Soundwave noticing Laserbeak and Buzzsaws discomfort. Ordered his cassettes to go back to the Lost Light and distract people.

He watched as all of them ran off in excitement, talking about how they were going to distract them. Rumble and Frenzy in particular looked excited.

"Let's go before anyone notices us."

Following a path only he knew. Brought the right to the core of Cybertron itself, where Primus was waiting.

"Hot Rod my little one. Deity of fire and the hearth. Patron of Nyon and protector of families. Now Rodimus Prime captain of the Lost Light and deity of the forge. Bringer of life."

He cringed at all the titles and then froze.

"What did you just say about the forge part?

His carrier gave him a confused look.

"You don't know?"

"Know what?"

"Hot Rod some of Cybertrons Hot Ppots have come back online."

"How is that possible?"

"It started ever since you transformed or at least a little afterwards. When I felt a shift in your powers."

"Why is this happening?"

"You've changed. The Hot Spots have come online because you are in love."

He looked at Soundwave who glanced at him. Neither saying anything although they didn't need to.

"Have you two been combining your sparks?"

He hesitated feeling embarrassed about telling his carrier he was interfacing."

"When Cybertronians combine their sparks. Energy is released that can create a new spark. You are a child of Primus and when you do it a Hot Spot is born."

"Cybertron's Hot Spots have been dark for so long. Are you saying all I needed to do was spark play?"

"No. You must love the person as well."

Primus smiled giving him a happy look.

"I'm glad you found someone who loves you."

He was about to deny it, when his carrier added.

"It wouldn't work if the feeling wasn't mutual."

He blushed, glancing at Soundwave he seemed shocked. Which was fair it was a lot of information.

"Hot Rod?"

Soundwave turned to him in awe. Not as a deity but as Hot Rod.

"You love me?"

"Of course I do."

He moved closer and Soundwave wrapped his arms around him. His carrier let out a happy pulse distracting them both.

"I don't even have to be a god to know he's special to you. After all you don't just let anyone call you Hot Rod."

Soundwave looked at him in surprise and he stood on his toes and kissed his mask. Soundwave removed it and this time kissed him properly.

When they pulled away he looked back at his carrier.

"Is that why you called me here? To tell me the Hot Spots have been activated?"

"Not the only reason. I called you here for many different reasons. One of which is to say how excited I am to be a grand carrier."

"Grand carrier?"

He froze optics wide as he touched his belly. For the first time noticing a small bump.

"I'm sparked!?"

"Yes and I can't wait. I'm going to spoil my grandsparkling."

They both glanced at each other and he put a protective hand on his belly.

"No you're not."

"It's my job as grand carrier."

He rolled his optics taking Soundwave's hand.

"It's nice to see you but we need to go."

"I know you two have a lot to talk about. But before you go, I want a hug."

He groaned but walked over and hugged his carrier who whispered.

"You're going to be a great carrier. Better than I ever was."

He kissed his forehead and he felt tears in his optics which he blamed on hormones.

Going back to Soundwave he wrapped an arm around him and the two walked away.

"They're never going to leave me alone are they?"

"No, but you have us and we'll take care of you."

He cuddled against his side while stroking his belly in amazement. Thinking about the life they created.

[garlichoisan]

𝐂𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐡 𝐑𝐮𝐬𝐡 [6]

[an ATEEZ social media au]

🍓 Characters/Pairing: San x reader, Wooyoung x reader + more in the future

🍩 Genre: fluff, angst, suggestive

🍰 AU info: social media au, university!au, named reader

💌 Word Count: 1297

⚠️ Warnings: slightly nsfw(-ish?)/suggestive

💟 if you wanna be added to the taglist, please just send an ask!

↫ previous | masterlist | next ↬

Chaewon was staring disbelievingly at her phone screen for the past 10 minutes. She couldn’t think of a proper way to answer her friend’s provocative messages; she wasn’t used to exchanging such messages with Mingi. They were best friends, and their flirting have never went that far before; besides, it has always been in a joking manner. And Mingi’s messages just now seemed nothing like a joke. Chaewon instantly regretted making fun of Mingi’s love life; she truly didn’t expect him to react that way, snap and make things so awkward. Suddenly their chat was filled with unexpected tension. She was wondering if Mingi was also flustered because of the texts he sent, or it was only her feeling that way. After all, he seemed so confident and convincing – maybe he was the better player in that game. But Chaewon didn’t want to play any games with her best friend – at least not games that included him controlling her heart. She was in fact afraid of what Mingi could do to her, if he really wanted to.

Meanwhile Mingi himself was also freaking out in his own way, rereading the messages he had just sent. It wasn’t his style at all, but his ego was so damaged because of Chaewon’s comments, that he didn’t think twice before typing some of his wildest thoughts. He could only thank his mind for not letting the spicier ones out and preferring to stay on the tame side; even if he considered what he wrote already bad enough. Now he was left dealing with the aftermath and it was so difficult for him to figure out what to do that when all he wanted was to turn back time and control his reactions better to avoid that situation; but unfortunately, he had to settle for a more possible solution.

Suddenly San stormed into the room, not even looking at Mingi. He was looking for something, lifting the bed covers, and sighed in annoyance when he didn't have much luck in finding the unknown object.

"Have you seen my phone charger?” San asked, continuing making a mess of Mingi’s already messy room. “I may have left it here last time when I came to play video games with you.”

"It's on the desk. Here," he handed the charger over to San who sighed again, but this time in relief.

"Thank you, Mangi," San turned his back as he was going to leave the room, but suddenly he turned around. "Hey, is everything okay?" he asked with concern clear in his voice, trying to analyze his friend's face. "You look kind of down."

"It's nothing," he tried to deny, but San looked at him insistently and Mingi gave up trying to pretend that there was no reason for his bad mood. "It's a long story..." this time he offered an excuse to the other boy, but that was not accepted either.

"I'm gonna grab two beers and come back here. Be prepared to spill the beans, my friend," San warned and Mingi nodded in defeat.

When San came back to the room, he passed Mingi a cold beer, hearing the other boy quietly thanking him.

"I'm listening," San reminded his friend as he took a sip from his beer.

The friendship between Mingi, San, Wooyoung and Hongjoong was a very honest and comforting one. They always shared with each other the things that bothered them in their daily lives and never kept any secrets. Whether their problems were insignificant or more serious, they knew they would feel better after talking about it. Sometimes the others didn’t take it seriously and laughed at the person sharing their situation, but that only happened when they were discussing a minor problem that couldn't really hurt anyone’s feelings. Most of the time the guys dramatized and acted hurt to attract attention and keep the mood light.

"It's not a big deal, really, but if you insist to know…" Mingi warned for the last time before taking a sip from his bottle and starting to talk about what bothered him. "Do you think it's okay for a guy our age to have never dated anyone before? Like, what do girls or people in general think about it?" he asked his question and for a second San was taken aback; he most definitely didn't expect that type of question. He especially didn't think that Mingi was capable of discussing that problem of his, since he always pretended to have a lot of dating experience when he was with his friends, even though all of them were aware he was lying.

"I think I know who the guy you're talking about is. The one who’s pretending to know all about relationships without ever having been in one," San laughed.

Mingi rolled his eyes with annoyance, thinking San was not taking the

situation seriously.

"Okay, on a more serious note... I had no idea it actually bothered you. To be honest, I find it kind of cute when it’s a girl, even though it’s difficult to find girls like that. You know, to be someone's first love is a very refreshing feeling, it makes you feel important enough to change someone's entire world. But for a guy I do find it a little weird," San confessed, but then he received a slap on his shoulder. "No, for real. As a guy, you’re expected to have some experience. Sorry, I have no filter, I guess. This is just another double standard of our twisted society, Mangi. Better get used to it.”

"But how am I supposed to date anyone when people don't find me attractive since I've never dated?" Mingi asked confusedly.

San laughed and patted his friend's shoulder. He took a sip from his beer again, looking at him with amusement.

"No, things don't work that way, Mangi."

"And how do they work?"

"I think it's different for everyone. You just have to find your own method and not rush things. You're a nice guy who’s also good looking, so the problem isn't in you. I’m sure there are plenty of girls out there who are not gonna mind you being inexperienced in relationships,” San said reassuringly, chugging the remaining beer in the can in one take. “My question is how and why you started thinking about it and feeling so self-conscious all of a sudden. You're usually so bright, energetic and loud, and now you're sitting alone in your room, thinking that you're not good enough?" San noted, not hiding his confusion.

"Maybe I’m not as strong as I’d like to be,” Mingi tried to keep his voice stable, but he felt it crack and in the next moment tears rolled down his face. "I don't know what's wrong with me..."

It truly pained San to see his best friend like that. That was not Mingi at all, and for a moment he panicked, wondering what to do. But then he decided to act logically - if the person in front of him didn't act like Mingi, he had to respond in another type of way. He had to comfort him the way he would comfort anyone else and stop playfully making fun of him, because the situation was no longer funny.

So without thinking too much, San embraced Mingi in his arms, feeling his unsteady breathing and his heart nervously beating against his chest. He gently brushed his friend’s hair with his fingers, feeling its soft texture. In that moment, they both felt comfortable, as if they had just teleported into another place: a place of warmth where life was easy and problems didn't exist. They could stay like that for as long as they wanted, just sinking in the comfortable silence together. And that's exactly what they did.

╔═══════════ SUMMARY ═══════════╗

San was often told that he was everything a girl wanted to date: handsome, funny and smart. That was until they got to know him better. Then he was told he was too much, too overwhelming, had too many emotions and was too chaotic. Thus his experience with dating was not as good as one would have thought. The problem: he has the biggest crush on a girl he met whilst studying abroad. But every time he messages his crush, he seems to mess things up further and further. With the help of his hyperactive friends he tries to win Ara's heart but before that, he has to convince her he doesn't actually hate her.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

💟 taglist:

@violets-are-vladi @chocochannel @ateezcbk

[flowerprincesscherryblossom]

let me in

pairing: Jung Hoseok x Female Reader word count: 1286 warnings: angst, fluff AO3 A/N: Hope you like it and that you have a wonderful day wherever you are💜

You felt really stupid.

Like really, you couldn't've come up with a better idea to confess your feelings to your long-time crush than to get pissed drunk and just blabber away?

You had a really deep hatred for your past self is what you're trying to say.

You and Hoseok had met through a mutual friend and, suffice to say, it had been love at first sight.

Well, kinda. The first time you saw him you did think he was an incredibly attractive man, but that was about it, it wasn't until you spent more time together and actually got to know each other that your feelings started forming.

You kept your feelings a secret because you didn't know if he would reciprocate and you didn't want to get your heart broken.

Your friend called you a hypocrite for this because you always would say that, when it came to situations like this, that people just needed to put on their big boy pants and confess, even if there was a possibility of being rejected, it's no better to be safe than sorry. Of which you simply shrugged and respond with 'do what I say, not what I do'.

As you and Hoseok kept hanging out with each other, the rest of your friends were there too but they didn't matter much when it comes to the important mission you had of trying to find any hints that he liked you back.

You found none. You so just thought that he liked you as a friend, something that, although a bit hurtful, you were completely okay with, you just had to keep your feelings to yourself until they disappeared, you had even installed tinder to help, not that it did much, no man there could compare to Jung Hoseok.

And then the drunk night happen.

After since then you've just been hiding in your house, refusing to leave unless necessary and not talking to anyone, your family not counting. Your friend had come to check on you on multiple days but you still refused to open the door to them.

Right now you were in the kitchen, trying to decide what you wanted to have for dinner when you suddenly heard a knock on the door.

Moving to the door you checked the peephole, ready to tell whoever it was to get lost, but the words died in your tongue at the sight. Jung Hoseok himself was at your door, and it took everything in your being to not freak out.

With another knock, you composed yourself and tried to speak in a clear tone. "Who is it?"

"Hey it's Hoseok," you saw him scratch the back of his neck through the hole. "I was wondering if I could come in and we could talk."

"U-uh n-no," you looked around your house trying to come up with an excuse. "I'm uh, my apartment is kinda of a mess right now, and I'm in the middle of cooking dinner." you wanted to hit your head against the wall so much for not being able to come up with anything better than that.

"Okay…?" oh the poor thing, he sounded confused, probably because nothing you said could justify you not opening the door said a little voice inside of your head. "Listen can you just let me in so we can talk?"

"Hum… No. Listen, it would be better if you left,"

"Seriously?" you didn't need to see through the peephole to know he had a deadpanned look on his face. "Look, I'm not leaving until we talk."

"Then you're gonna have to talk through the door, cause I'm not opening it,"

With a deep sigh, Hoseok started pacing back and forth by your door, scratching the back of his head. With another sigh he stopped and turned to the door, his head hanging low. "You're really not gonna open the door?"

Your silence was all the answer he needed. Shaking his head Hoseok took a seat on the floor, his back leaning against your door. You felt bad for doing this to him, you really did, but you also knew that a part of you wouldn't be able to deal with the inevitable rejection that awaited you.

"Listen…," he started after a long silence. "I'm not going to deny that your confession didn't come as a surprise," you nodded at his words, even though he couldn't see it. "It came out of nowhere, and I think it's because, well," Hoseok scratched the back of his head, thinking of how to say his next words, ultimately deciding that it would be better to just remove the band-aid. "I didn't really see you as more than just a friend of a friend."

You felt tears starting to prickle in your eyes, not really surprised that he never thought of you in a romantic way, but that still didn't stop the hurt as you felt your heart break.

You opened your mouth, wanting to tell him to leave and to never talk to you again, but the only sound that came out of you was a sob. You fell to your knees, silently crying as to not wanting him to know the effect his words had. You couldn't even hate him for it, you couldn't force him to fall in love with you.

"After you confessed I started thinking about every moment we've spent together," he continued. "All of them now under a new light. And I couldn't stop thinking, 'How did I never notice it before?', it seemed so obvious." You kept quiet, your mind going back and forth between wanting him to stop talking and leave, and wanting him to continue.

At your lack of a response, Hoseok kept going. "I also isolated myself during that time, kinda like you're doing, and I started thinking about…" His voice drifts off. Neither of you said a word, silence filling the space between the two, waiting for the other to say anything.

After what felt like hours, you composed yourself and took a deep breath. "Thinking about what?" you said softly.

Hoseok took a deep breath before answering. "Like a said, I didn't see as more than a friend… But I'm not gonna deny that the thought of kissing you hasn't crossed my mind, even before you confessed."

Your eyes widen at his confession, pinching yourself in the arm to make sure you were actually awake. The fact that he had had such thoughts about you filled your heart with a little bit of hope.

Without thinking twice you opened the door, doing slowly so that Hoseok would take it as a sign to stand up instead of falling on his back. Standing face to face, taking each other's appearance, you felt your throat being incredibly dry. "So," you cleared your throat. "What does this mean now?"

He scratched the back of his head once more. "Well, I can't promise that my feelings for you are at 100% right now," he took a step in your direction. "But if I'd like to let us try and see where it goes if you're willing to try."

You thought about his words, appreciating that he had been honest with you. Weighing your options, you took a deep breath and nodded in agreement, a small smile appearing on your lips.

You started playing with your fingers, not exactly sure if wanted to go through with the thought you just had. "S-So, I was thinking," you cleared your throat. "That maybe, you'd want to help make and then stay for dinner?"

Hoseok gave you one of his smiles that made your heart skip a beat and butterflies fill in your stomach. "I'd like that."

[ironstrangle]

Ficlet: Top Secret

Pairing: Sam Wilson x  Joaquín Torres

Word Count: 950

Summary: Sam and Joaquin keep their relationship secret - until they can’t. 

@allcapsbingo​ - prompt secret relationship

It was supposed to be a secret. 

Not for long, Sam said, just until the world calms down a little.

Joaquín had been okay with that. Sure, he would have loved to scream to the rooftops that he was the man who shared a bed with Sam Wilson, but he was a patient man. He could wait. Sam had enough stress to deal with in his day-to-day life. Joaquín didn’t want to add a single burden to the already heavy load that his love coped with.

Unfortunately, being out was going to be a burden. It shouldn’t, but society sucked and Sam had already dealt with so much criticism for not fitting the narrow mold of what Captain America should be. Joaquín wished, more than anything, that he could protect Sam from that. He was going to take the brunt of the criticism, the nasty words. 

They couldn’t keep it secret forever, but he supposed that keeping it secret for a little while would help. It would at least delay the bad until they were better prepared to cope. 

So, they kept it a secret. 

It was a little weird not being able to hold Sam’s hand when he wanted and stuff like that, but it was all good. The best parts of their relationship were those they shared in private anyway, from intimate talks about deep subjects to… other intimate things. It didn’t bother Joaquín much at all. It was better for them, and he always got to keep Sam to himself.

Being the Falcon was interesting. Sam had him working a lot of lower-level crime while they waited for the next enormous threat. Those were the cases that he actually loved. They felt more real, like they were making a difference in people’s lives directly. He had stopped a robbery in town when a young girl, witness to the crime, looked at him awkwardly. 

“Is it true…” she started.

“What?” he asked, confused.

“Is it true that you and Sam Wilson are dating?”

Joaquín had been so surprised that he nearly stumbled back. He looked her in the eyes.

“Where did you hear a rumor like that?” he’d asked, trying to brush it off. He and Sam had always said that they would not deny it if someone asked, but he felt defensive. That was their secret. 

“It’s all over the internet,” she said matter-of-factly. “I was just reading it on Instagram before those robbers came in. They caught you and Sam Wilson coming out of a storage closet all…you know, disheveled and stuff…”

Joaquín’s face turned bright red as he remembered that day.

It had been an awful mission for both of them. Nobody had been hurt, thankfully, but Joaquín was exhausted. He had been in a bad mood after hours of waiting in a small space for the extraction. When they got back to the base and he couldn’t even kiss Sam because of their secrecy, he growled under his breath and pulled Sam into a supply closet. 

“Sam, please.” 

He had shut the door behind him, and the rest was history. It was the most unique place they had hooked up, for sure. It wasn’t that they weren’t adventurous, it was just that their lives had taken on a sort of routine. Sex in a supply closet was uncomfortable, frantic and exhausting, but it had helped wash off the stink of the mission. Joaquín had been amazed that Sam was so ready and willing, but he’d known that it had just as rough of an effect on him.

He remembered just whispering, “Wow.”

They had carefully redressed themselves before they exited the closet. Apparently not careful enough. Fuck. This was not how he wanted people to find out about him and Sam. 

“Well, don’t believe everything you read on the internet.” 

“But-”

Joaquín cut her off by taking to the air. The PR team, who were always working with Sam, would reprimand him for that later, but he wasn’t Captain America. Sometimes he could be rude, sure, but no one would take notice of Captain America’s sidekick - right?

He flew until he neared the city, then he descended and made his way back to the apartment. 

Before Sam found out, he needed to talk to him.

Too late for that. As soon as he stepped into the room, he saw Sam with the news on his laptop, shaking his head at the video. 

“So, it’s out there everywhere?” Joaquín asked, as Sam didn’t even turn to look at him when he entered. “The rumor about us…”

Sam nodded, but his eyes seemed pretty locked on the screen.

“I knew we would come out about it eventually,” he said, shaking his head in dismay. “It seems so crazy that the supply closet did us in.”

Joaquin sat down on the sofa next to him and then Sam was finally able to tear his eyes away.

“You okay, J?”

Joaquín nodded and then leaned over, taking both of Sam’s hands in his. 

“I’m great,” he said. “I know you were hesitant about this, though. You okay?” 

“I’m okay,” he muttered, bending down and kissing Joaquin’s hand in what had to be the cutest gesture ever. “I’m a bit surprised it went down this way, but I’m ready.”

“Good. Me too.” 

“Love you J.”

“Love you Cap.”

[drawing-way-outside-the-lines]

➖ Mature content, 18+ ➖ check the trigger tags each time ➖      

Chapter 34 - Overwhelmed. Episode 1.

-------Evans point of view---------

Evan: I felt horrible. I was sitting here, in the guest bedroom of the second floor of Congo's house… our house I guess. Leaned back on a chair, trying desperately to calm my nerves. It was 2 days after Sparkles birthday. The previous night, I had gotten awoken by Andy screaming and cursing upstairs. He was so angry I didn't dare to disturb him, and after listening in on the loud conversation between him and Congo, I had quickly found out, he had come to learn about Sparkle and Daniel fucking around. A thing I had known about for weeks, but had decided not to let him in on, as I wasn't sure he would handle the news well. I had enough in my own darkness, I couldn't handle seeing him crash again. So I had shut my mouth, when I by random had stumbled over the secret. But now he had found out, and he was furious that the 3 of us had kept the secret. I naturally had become scared, listening to his words. It had sounded like he most of all wanted me long gone. I had felt like I let him down. Like I had betrayed not only his, but also Congo's trust. So in my despair I had left a trace of apologies and begging for him to forgive me, all over Facebook. Me, Evan, who wasn't much for public display of feelings. At all. When Andy found out about all the posts on Facebook, he of course came to my rescue. My brave love. I always admired him so much, ever since we were teens, I guess I sorta looked up to Andy's courage. He had assured me he wasn't gonna leave me, that mostly it was Daniel he was angry at, and he understood why I hadn't spoken up. But most importantly, that he loved me, and forgave me. I trusted him. Fully. But still I couldn't shake the feeling of him leaving me. Of having hurt him so much, that it may be unfixable. I woke up this morning, terrified of losing him. And I crashed. I crashed big time. Unable to stop crying. Unable to stop myself from slipping further and further down a black pit of a hole. I had never been so scared in my life. So Andy made Daniel call his uncle. The shrink. George. A thing I had spent the whole summer denying I need. Truth is, I need help. I can't get out of this hole on my own. But I hate sharing deep feelings and thoughts with anyone but my partner. I hate letting people so close. But here I was, 30 minutes later, stuck in a room with George. And I knew I had to speak up, he had been starring at me 5 minutes straight already!

Knock on the door

Evan: I sighed deeply… saved by the bell

Andy: He peeked in with red puffy eyes, it was easy to see he had been crying Are you okay?… Evan?

Evan: I forced a small smile Yeah…

Andy: He turned his head and looked at George How's things going in here?

George: Well He smiled warmly at Andy it seems we haven't quite started yet.

Andy: He nodded softly and snuck in the door, closing it silently behind himself, smiling a bit apologizing at George as he with quick steps walked towards me, and kneeled down next to me, planting a soft hand on both my cheeks. I couldn't help but feel I should be the one sitting on the floor, comforting him. Andy had had it far worse in life than I had ever had. I should be the one comforting him, not the other way around. He smiled softly with a sadness only Andy could hold, and talked to me in the sweetest voice I have ever heard come from him. Evan… we will get you through this. I promise. The first session is always the worst. That's the time where you have to poke a hole in the bubble so everything will come spilling out. It will get easier. And you are in the very best hands, I trust George with my life… just look at me… I was such a mess I could barely figure what was up and down… but he fixed it… I'm doing much better thanks to him. I still have a long way to go, but I'm functioning again. I don't ask you to trust George… just trust me, alright? I know he can help… I just know. Cause if he can help a screw up like me, you will be a piece of cake. He chuckled softly and planted a gentle butterfly kiss on my lips I love you…. so much… and I'm very proud of you. I will be waiting right on the other side of that door nodded at the door he came through Daniel and Congo is in the garden, so don't worry, they wont hear a thing, even if you feel like screaming or crying. And if you get enough, or need me in here, just yell my name, and I will be here in seconds… okay?

Evan: I nodded softly and sighed

Andy: Okay his voice was shaky and I could see tears rise in his eyes, but once again, he was the bravest thing I had ever come across. He stood up, took a deep breath, turned around and smiled softly at George Be good to him and as George nodded agreeing, Andy silently disappeared out the door

Evan: I starred at the door a few seconds. How was it that he always knew exactly what to say, and the exactly right time? As soon as the words had left my mind, the tears started pouring down my cheeks. And I sobbed harder than ever before

George: Evan… take your time he spoke in a calm and warm voice, reaching a couple of paper towels towards me. After about 5 minutes of none stop crying, I was all out of tears, curled up on the chair in a ball. Tired… no exhausted… feeling like the only thing I wanted was sleeping for days. But a certain calm had also lowered itself over me, the calm of having cried it all out. Evan… his voice was just as calm and warm as before how do you feel now?

Evan: I sighed softly Empty…

George: I see. That might be from crying that much. Now, tell me Evan… is there anything beside this past night with Andy screaming, that makes you extra sad today? I mean, is there anything I don't know yet?

Evan: I sighed softly and nodded Yes.

George: Alright, take your time…

Evan: It's Andy…. I feel like he's slipping away. I wake up sometimes at night and hear him cry in the bathroom. And if I check his Facebook those same nights, it happens to be nights where he has either posted pics of kids, or kid cribs. You know… like cribs for toddlers.

George: Frowned softly I see.

Evan: I'm just so sad I can't give him what he wants. And I feel horrible, cause I always leave him alone out there, crying… I just don't have the energy, George. I don't even know how to fix myself… so how can I fix him? Plus… it's not even something I can fix. I have tried talking him into adopting… I even tried talking him into maybe having a kid with a woman, so half of the genes would be his. But he want nothing to do with it, as long as my genes can't be involved. Or Congo's for that matter. Nothing is good enough. He want's a kid mixed by our genes, and it's just not possible. He want's what A could give him, what he was promised. But I'm not A.

George: And how does this make you feel…..apart from sad?

Evan: I paused for a bit…. not enough. Like I'm not enough.

George: He nodded softly Let's leave this for a while. Tell me, have you talked with your father recently?

Evan: No I shook my head lightly

George: Do you want to?

Evan: I pulled my shoulders I don't know? Yes… and no…

George: Andy tells me your dad is very sad about his and your moms actions, and that he delivered a very nice apology. He wants to be in contact with you again. To be a part of your life. Do you think you could forgive him? You know, we all make mistakes sometimes…

Evan: I sighed softly I have forgiven him, George…. but that does not mean I feel any better. I don't know if I want to see him right now. I just wanna stay away from people in general. I didn't even want to go to Sparkles birthday party.

George: He nodded in an understanding way and smiled softly

Evan: I just feel… so tired. And so sad. But at the same time just empty. I just wanna stay in bed.

George: I understand. That's the depression. Now we have talked about medication before, and I understand you don't want pills, which I respect. So I wont even suggest again. However, Evan, it has gotten worse since our last talk. So at this point, if I have to be honest, it's either medication or weekly therapy sessions. I fear if we don't act you will soon sink so deep that everything will take a very long time to straighten out again.

Evan: I nodded softly, I knew he was right

George: I can promise you we can fix this, it's nothing I haven't seen before. And the depression is still pretty easily solved, even if it has gotten deeper.

Evan: I sniffled my nose and before I could hold it back I burst out in a deep sobbing

Andy: Not even 5 seconds later he came bursting through the door, walking straight up to me and sat down on the big chair next to me, wrapping his arms tight around me

George: He cleared his throat and spoke in an even warmer voice than before Evan… can you try to tell me what's going on in your head right now?

Evan: My voice was shaky, and almost got drowned in the sobbing a few times as I spoke I'm terrified of losing him! I let him down… I can't forgive myself… but I don't want him to leave me… I'm so fucking scared!! I miss my family… and I'm so scared I will never see my mom again… I coughed from my sobbing I'm so scared Andy will crash again… and I'm so fucking sorry I leave you alone in the bathroom crying, I'm a fucking horrible person… I understand if you don't want me any longer…. but I beg of you to stay… I beg of you!! I can't handle losing you!! I can't live without you!! I can barely breathe just at the thought of never seeing you again!! I can't…. I'm so sorry I can't give you what you need…. I know you want a kid… I want too… but… my voice broke completely, and I could no longer see anything for all the tears streaming out my eyes

Andy: He tightened his grip around me and kissed my hair gently I'm not going anywhere, I thought I made that clear? I love you Evan, nothing can change that, and specially not such a tiny thing as you keeping a secret from me. I know why you did it. And I fully understand. You needed to protect yourself. I understand you can't carry more, that's also why I hide in the bathroom. He sniffed his nose a few times, it was easy for me to know he was crying Evan… I'm sorry I put this pressure on you, with my missing pregnancy and all… I don't even know why I call it that, cause even with A I would never have been pregnant… we would have gotten the kids some other supernatural way, I'm sure. But I am truly sorry I lay this weight on you, I just feel so heartbroken… kinda like if I had a child and lost it.

George: Cleared his throat again Andy… we do need to have a session about that, since I think this has taken a turn, that could potentially be very bad for your mental health, and push us a few months back on your recovery.

Andy: I know George! His voice sounded irritated I'm sorry, it just seems like we all have more than enough on our plates, but the shoveling doesn't stop… there just seems to be more and more we have to deal with.

George: Sighed softly I know sweetheart… I know. And I didn't say today. Let's take it in a couple of days, alright? I think we should stop for today. I think we rounded the main reasons for Evan's depression already, so I know where to start working next time. It seems to me, as I have said before, that Evan's depression comes mostly from worrying about your mental state nodded softly at Andy This is not me blaming you, Andy… just so we're clear. I guess it just means this boy really loves you, probably more than any of us fully know? He smiled softly at Evan and sighed softly furthermore, it seems like the mess with your family is taking quite a big chunk of you, so my request is, until we meet next time, you have a conversation with your dad. I don't mind wether you do it by phone, by email or face to face, but I need you to do it, in order to have something towork with. I need to know where you and him stand, and how you felt about talking with him again. Is that okay?

Evan: I nodded softly

George: Good, thank you. Furthermore, I think it's clear to me we need to meet once every week, if I see that isn't enough, I may decide on twice a week, for a smaller period. Is that clear? We want to start healing you, and preferably before you sink deeper.

Evan: I nodded agreeing

George: Smiled warmly Thank you. It's nice to see you finally give in, Evan. I can't help you, unless you want me to. He took a deep breath and smiled friendly Alright, if you guys don't mind, I think I will go have a beer with Congo and Daniel. It's been a while since I last shared their delightful company.

Evan: As we all stood up to leave, I suddenly felt extremely dizzy, and the last thing I felt, was my cheek slam against the floor. I woke up only seconds later, at the sound of Andy screaming my name, loud, squeaky and in a tone full of terror.

Andy: EVAN!!! OMG OMG OMG!!! EVAN!!! Loud sobbing is he alright?!?! GEORGE!!!

Congo: I could suddenly hear Congo enter the room, with Daniel just behind him What's happening??

Andy: He yelped something in such a high pitched voice I couldn't make out a single word

George: I think he fainted… we stood up to leave the room, and before we could even get to react, he turned pale, and fell.

Congo: ANDY! Please get off him, he needs space to breathe!!

Evan: Ahh so that was why it was hard to breathe… I felt Andy quickly crawl off my chest, and then I felt something warm slide under me quick and gentle, judging by the warmth and shape, and the fact that my upper body got gently lifted, I guessed it must have been Congo… so I slowly opened my eyes, and blinked them a couple of times to try to focus.

Congo: Spoke in a low soothing voice There you are he chuckled softly you gave the little one quite a scare. I could hear Andy sob somewhere in the room How do you feel, Evan?

Evan: I blinked my eyes a few more times, and opened my mouth, but my throat seemed too dry for any word to come out

Congo: He looked up Daniel… will you please go grab a glass of water, not too cold… and add a tea spoon of sugar in it?

Daniel: Uh… sure…

Congo: He looked back down at me with a warm smile, reaching up to dry a few tears off my cheeks, gently leaving his hand on one of them, softly stroking my skin… and it was very soothing… I felt so safe. Hey… you're starting to get some color back on your face… that's good.

Andy: Sniffled his nose Is he gonna be alright?

Congo: He kept his eyes firmly planted on mine, but spoke even softer now Sure thing, my love… I'm pretty sure Evan just felt very exhausted on top of such a hard day… and maybe he even has a bit of low sugar levels in his body. He hasn't eaten much the past days… but he will be just fine… don't you worry. I couldn't figure if he was still talking to Andy, or soothing me… maybe both?

Daniel: Congo… he reached down a glass and Congo grabbed it with a thankful smile

Congo: Let me help you sit up a bit… as he moved me upwards slowly, I could get to see Andy and George, they were sitting on the bed, not many meters away from us. George had wrapped his arms around Andy, who still looked terrified. I felt so bad I had scared him. Alright, here we go… drink slowly…

Evan: I nodded softly and pressed my lips against the glass as he held it for me, and as he tipped it, I slowly drank the water pouring into my mouth… judging by the sweet taste Daniel had added a lot more sugar than he was instructed to, but I was thankful for his try at least. I finished about half of the glass before I coughed lightly, and Congo removed the glass from my lips

Congo: Are you okay?

Evan: Yeah I coughed slightly again and looked at Andy with sad eyes I'm sorry I scared you.

Andy: He nodded softly It's okay… as long as you're okay.

Evan: I nodded softly, but then started feeling dizzy again, so I sank back down into Congo's arms

Congo: Hey hey he padded my cheek lightly don't go disappearing on us again now.

Evan: I smiled softly No… I just feel…

Congo: Nodded softly I know… it will take a few minutes for the sugar to kick in, but I suggest you get some rest. I can stay by your side and keep an eye on you, just to be sure… if that would make you feel safe?

Evan: I nodded softly and dug my fingers into his arm around me, for some reason I felt like if he would let go, I would faint again… and I didn't want to… it was scary enough the first time, besides, my cheek bone still hurt from the first impact with the floor.

Congo: He smiled softly and brushed a few strands of hair off my face Evan, I wont let go unless you tell me to.

Evan: I sighed deeply

Congo: Alright… what do you say we carry you downstairs? You need to lay down and get a nap… let me just… before I could get to react, he was already standing tall, with me in his arms, like a princess, a thing I would normally protest, but it felt nice… it felt safe, so I dug my fingers into his chest and leaned my head on his shoulder Are you coming?

Andy: Nodded softly

Daniel: Of course he is! In few steps he reached Andy, grabbed him and threw him over his shoulder, and all the way down the stairs I could hear Andy chuckled and squeak, hanging over Daniel's shoulder. I thanked Daniel for knowing exactly what to do to lift Andy's mood

Congo: We settled fast in the bed, Congo between me and Andy, having both of us in the nook of his arms. He had insisted to keep his shirt on, for my sake… but as Andy had pouted, I had told Congo I would survive a bit of chest hair. Truth is, I just wanted him as close as possible, for some reason, right there, for the first time, he felt somewhat like a father figure, which was exactly what I needed. So as I snuggled my head against his chest, I didn't find it strange when 4 men was starring at me, like I had lost it. Congo was the first one to speak up. Uh… Evan… not that I mind… at all… it's actually nice to lay like this… but are you sure this is okay for you? I could easily put a pillow between your head and my chest… or at least a pillow case?

Evan: I couldn't help but feel a bit annoyed by Daniels goofy grin, so I sighed relieved as George told him to help him with something upstairs, and quickly dragged him with him to the second floor. Now only Andy's face of disbelief annoyed me I'm okay… really… I just… as my eyes filled with tears again, I pressed my face against Congo's chest I just feel so scared…

Congo: Hushed a few times in a soothing tone, wrapping his arm tighter around me, and I got the feeling he did the same to Andy to prevent his sprinkles from leaking again I understand… it's not the first time I have been someones safe place. He planted a soft kiss on Andy's hair, then on mine And as long as you are okay with this, I have no problem at all. Actually, it only makes me happy that you by now feel THIS comfortable with me… even if it turns out to be a one time thing.

Evan: I sighed deeply and dried the tears off my eyes Thank you… for understanding I yawned big, and felt more tired than ever

Congo: Kissed my forehead gently Don't mention it. I will always be here for you, just as much as I am for Andy… I consider you both my boys…. alright? You're my family. And I love you both very much.

Andy: Sniffled his nose softly and reached over to caress my cheek How do you feel now? Are you still dizzy?

Evan: I shook my head softly No… I feel better… I'm just so exhausted.

Congo: I think the sugar kicked in then… but you should definitely get some sleep, and a proper meal when you wake up. Judging by the sound upstairs, George is already cooking for us… so let's take a small nap till he is done? Hm?

Evan: I nodded softly Andy… could you put a movie on? I just… the quietness is making me uncomfortable.

Andy: His face lit up and he jumped straight out of bed I know! That's how I feel sometimes when I get anxiety… I just can't sleep if it's too quiet, it makes me scared! It was cute how enthusiastic it made him, knowing he wasn't alone in that feeling, and I observed him with a small smile as he fumbled around to put on a movie, and find a pleasant volume level where we could both hear the movie, but also easily fall asleep. And as he crawled back, laying down face to face with me again, on the other side of Congo, I smiled at him warmly

Congo: Alright sugar cubes… let's try to close our eyes…. I will just rest a bit, I wont sleep. I will keep an eye on you, okay? He squeezed me a little And Andy too, so he wont get jealous chuckled warmly. He leaned his head down and planted a gentle kiss on Andy's lips, and then per reflex, I assume, planted one on my lips as well. I didn't mind… I was already half asleep.

[ruminate88]

High Stress Cortisol??

08/16/24

Aside from the dopamine hits, the stress my ex Andrew brought me was frustrating and hurtful… All I wanted was to spend time. I felt I loved him so much but he was bread crumbing me and yet he loved the attention I gave him too. College was his main focus and excuse every time he ignored me…

Whenever he couldn’t spend time with me it was, “Oh I have to study.”, “Oh I have a meeting”, “oh im mentoring freshman at the library.” Or he was at the frat house and claimed how stressed out and tired he was… I noticed he partied A LOT. He would send me selfies from the frat house but yet he was always sitting by himself…. Weird. He never included any of his bros or his lil bro. 😝

and I just felt like he kept me soooo secretive!! It was hurtful cuz I was trying to incorporate him into my life. I tried so hard!!

When it was time for him to take his finals, WOW. He was a monster 🤪 All he talked about was “I’m gonna fail” and “I have to study or I’m gonna fail.” I would say the most encouraging things I could think to say to this man and he would not receive it and make me feel like becuase I wasn’t in college, that I did not understand him….

Also, I would be trying to send him loving messages and spend time but he would cry, “I have to focus!!” SOOOOO, I would get upset and disappointed and say to him, “If you’re too stressed, I don’t wanna cause you more stress. We can take a break and you can focus on your finals.” I OFFERED HIM SPACE despite my disappointment and frustration and he would cry, “You’re making it worse!!!” Wow…. I told him, “I’m trying so hard to help you!!” Ugh 😣

NOTHING helped that man. He was purposely making feel bad. He was purposely saying hurtful things and he wanted to upset me but wanted the attention.

WAS he really upset cuz he was afraid to fail his exams or was he upset cuz he’s got a new girl and hes hiding me from her?? Idk…. But he would get defensive that he didn’t wanna breakup and promise me he was just stressed about his finals and homework. Okay but, I would offer him space and he would say, “It’s ok… you can text me I’m just really busy.”

He was always busy 😭😭😭 and I told him over and over AND OVER he’s too busy for our relationship that he should just focus on school. I meant that out of true love for him. Even though I didn’t wanna break up, I didn’t wanna be selfish but that man is VERY selfish. The way he held me hostage in that relationship!!

Even when I found proof that he cheated on me and confronted him, he denied it, blames me for “catfishing him” and STILL makes excuses not to break up. Talks circles around me…. The day we were on the phone for 3 hours straight trying to break up but he won’t and my stomach was shaking and I was on the verge of a breakdown. I KNEW he didn’t love me but I was so confused why he would not end it with me 😭😭😭😭 he even asked for more time to think it all over 💔💔💔

Ultimately I had to end it with him but he had NO EMOTIONAL RESPONSE!! 😞😞😞 It literally felt like even though I said “it’s over” he was the one who made it real. He asked me to still be friends with him 🥴🥴 I said okay but I was stunned at his lack of emotion. It SUCKED for me and made NO SENSE at the time. (I understand more now) He ultimately stopped responding to my text and I spent the rest of the night locked in my bathroom with my fan on, crying and shaking so hard!!!!!! That boy shattered my heart.

Gosh the way he kept gaslighting me and making me crushed. I wanted him!!! I wanted to love him so wholeheartedly but it just wasn’t possible with him ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 sad but it’s life. I’ve been accepting that every day since I blocked his number. 😭😭😭💔❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 one day at a time I’m getting over him and healing the wounds. It’s been a long and difficult journey but I do see light at the end of this ❤️‍🩹 I still care about what happens to him but I’ll never trust him again and I know I can’t ever let him back in cuz he’ll only continue to crush me. 😭❤️‍🩹

[tenpintsof-sundrop]

After some on and off reading as I’ve been all sorts of busy and tired we have my commentary of Careful: Chapter Three so long text incoming. I don’t know why but the cover for this one is really cute to me. Also the fucking Paramore lyric. -Rotten Anon

he accidentally trips into a minefield from the past when discussing Sebastian's conception, and you both realize with baited breath that you might not be over each other

Idiots/soulmates in denial

He really, really hoped that he was right about that.

I’ve canonically seen this man with kids and no one can convince me that he wouldn’t take in a kid of his own and be a wonderful father.

A loud, squealing giggle, and a round of thunderous footsteps across the floor, slightly muffled by the door.

Seb!

Upon instinct, Spencer crouched down lowly on the balls of his feet, getting down onto the child’s level. 

Oh my god. I love him.

As a POC, I thank you for giving Sebastian the Reader’s complexion and hair color.

Spencer used all of his self control in that moment to keep himself from fainting on the spot. 

God he’s so cute.

And I said: you can’t buy Mommy, she doesn’t have a price. You can’t buy people. You buy bananas. That’s why we came to the grocery store, pal!

I chuckled.

This was a lot of information to receive in such a short span

That is how children tend to work, Spencer.

You scolded him, rushing to scoop him up in your arms - unconsciously protecting him from the outside world as you propped him up onto your hip, hugging an arm around his back to hold him there. 

I’m literally smiling right now.

It was something he had been dreaming of for years. And now, for so many reasons, it left a sour taste in his mouth. 

Yeah. Yeah. I don’t know what exactly happened, but yeah.

“Spencer is my friend!” Sebastian proudly proclaimed, motioning toward his very new ‘friend’. “You said it’s okay to answer the door for friends.” 

Oh my god.

I’m trying to put words to the feelings I have as Spencer talks about wanting to be in Sebastian life. Wary acceptance because I know it’s going that way? Apprehension? Exhaustion from the running of Spencer? Sorrow and regret that this man had been denied and kept in the dark about his son and family who he clearly loves and always wanted?

Not having more children with you. 

Oh Spence.

“You used to be very easy to bribe back in the day, if I can remember.” Spencer told you, throwing a grin over his shoulder at you. 

Shut it.

and his cheeks curled into a smile at his son’s eager, curious eyes staring him down. 

If this was me I would fucking fold soon.

You never would have admitted it, but it gave you butterflies to see how natural, how perfect Spencer already was with Sebastian. 

Yeah.

Spencer put his thumb and forefinger against his chin, and cocked an eyebrow, looking around the room like a cartoonish detective, acting like he was trying to piece together exactly what this big secret was.

This is so fucking cute.

Spencer replied, seriousness seeping back into his tone. 

Oh Spencer.

looking up over his shoulder to then clumsily aim for Spencer’s mouth.

This is so cute. I can’t.

Sebastian was staring up at him - clearly absorbing every single word that he spoke with eagerness. You wouldn’t be surprised if Sebastian was able to repeat back those facts word for word later on. He was startlingly like his father. 

It hurts Spencer to remember every fact about Reader, and to stumble upon them. It probably hurts her sometimes to have this damn near copy of Spencer. Regardless, it’s cute and I love Seb.

You almost hated it, but this reminded you so much of the Spencer you had fallen in love with.

Oh yeah, there it is.

He could recite the alphabet when he was eight months old.

My brilliant, brilliant boy.

He was leagues ahead of where Spencer had been at that age - shy, apprehensive, constantly clammed up around new people. 

This hurts and is nice. Like, poor Spencer, but at least Sebastian is doing good, just generally being a kid.

“He does need his dad. He needs you. He needs someone who can nurture that big brain of his.”

Here we go!

Spencer’s insides flooded with anxiety at the thought that perhaps you had a boyfriend.

I feel like you haven’t been paying much attention to things, and if you did you would and could figure it out, Spencer.

Seeing how put together Spencer was now - how mature. It filled you with regret, and made you feel quite embarrassed about not contacting him before. 

This is now, that was then and then was a mess.

But the Spencer you had last seen was nothing like this. So previously, you had no intentions of seeking him out in order to introduce him to his son. But every time a major life event came up

A Spencer-shaped hole in her life.

Through all of it - you ached with regret. There were more than a dozen times (sometimes more than a dozen times a day) when you considered reaching out to Spencer and telling him the news.

Spencer-hole.

he might be dead. That there might not even be someone on the other end if you did reach out.

Requesting a count of how many times Spencer actually came close to dying.

You didn’t want to open the door for more hurt to come your way. 

Imagine healing a little, and plucking up the courage, only for it all be for nothing but even more pain. And wondering if maybe if you had been quicker if things would be different.

“I never considered that he might ask.” You explained. “I just thought I could get away without telling him who his father was”

I don’t think that would work forever, but okay.

“I mean, I can’t lie to him, but I can distract him. He’s still at the age where his attention span is not that great if he gets excited about something.” 

Fantastic. The boy genius, at the end of the day, is still a boy which is good.

“The three of us?”

I don’t know why I had a reaction to this. Probably because both of them wanted kids, they wanted to have a family together but it’s been so far out of reach for 4 years.

He couldn’t take it as a signal of affection.

Sometimes familiarity is not affection and habits die hard as when one is presented with an old situation they might be more inclined to follow old patterns.

Which would be something you would gratefully regret now, those feelings for him locked up inside of you, banging on the door, just begging to get out.

Sometimes denial is protection. Things hurt, they’re allowed to hurt.

“My son is so lucky to have you as his father. And I am sorry that it was due to my own selfishness that he missed out on you in his life for so many years.” 

Yeah. Just yeah. What a fucking complicated situation. God, I wonder if they ever did properly discuss things like marriage and kids.

Of course, both of you wished that you could go back to that night and do things differently. 

Isn’t that the way it always goes?

You wished that you would have told him about the pregnancy as soon as you took the test - so if he was going to scorn you, he could make an informed choice about doing so. Spencer wished that he could have chased you - that he could have been in his son’s life from day one. 

Would’ve, could’ve, should’ve. It’s also interesting to think about how different it would have been if this son didn’t exist and how they would still spend forever regretting letting things end, because they still love each other very much. So would they have still by some other force found each other and be forced to confront everything?

I understand where both of them are coming from in these sections.

Look at this submissive ass man.

Spencer’s so wife-coded.

Just the necklace. The necklace in general. Fuck.

He almost knocked his glasses off his face while ripping his shirt off his head

He’s so eager, it’s cute.

But of course, any thoughts about the clippings of property listings that Spencer had hidden away in a desk drawer

Oh he’s so serious about this. He’s in deep.

Fuck Spencer. I’m not going to blatantly discuss my kinks here, but god damn.

Just then, Spencer’s phone rang, cutting through the dangerously palpable tension in the air. 

Thank god.

Morgan instantly dropped his joking and teasing when he heard the choked off tears in Spencer’s voice. 

I love them.

He almost choked on these words, more tears welling up that he forcefully pushed down. 

Poor Spencer.

“And you know she’s always right.”

Ugh, Penelope Garcia, I love you.

Spencer is cute, Sebastian is cute, I love him so much. It’ll be interesting to see how the co-parent dynamic unfolds as they battle with feelings and memories and a murderer. There’s also how Sebastian will take it, though he already likes Spencer. They’re probably gonna meet the team at some point too during all this. Lots of good things going on and coming. Brilliant as always.

I have so much to say about this omg.

"I’ve canonically seen this man with kids and no one can convince me that he wouldn’t take in a kid of his own and be a wonderful father." -> okay but he would take in a kid that's not even his and raise that kid and be a wonderful father. like stepfather!Spencer would be such a force of nature

"As a POC, I thank you for giving Sebastian the Reader’s complexion and hair color." -> I knew a lot of people would appreciate it! I know a huge complaint of a lot of POC readers is that the reader is implied to be white by being described as being related to a white character or being described as 'blushing', etc. so I always try to avoid stuff like that in my work. And like if the reader does happen to be white and they have the same skin tone as Spencer, then hey, Sebastian's looks can still be described the same way - but it benefits all readers.

The fic: This was a lot of information to receive in such a short span. You: "That is how children tend to work, Spencer." -> Yeah, your response made me laugh lmao. I can imagine you deadass saying this to Spencer's face lmao

"I’m trying to put words to the feelings I have as Spencer talks about wanting to be in Sebastian life. Wary acceptance because I know it’s going that way? Apprehension? Exhaustion from the running of Spencer? Sorrow and regret that this man had been denied and kept in the dark about his son and family who he clearly loves and always wanted?" -> ooof I love THE MIXTURE OF EMOTIONS. like I love it because it's the whole 'the course of true love never did run smooth' thing - and it's Spencer having true love not just with the reader, but with his family as a whole. they have had so many bumps along the way, but maybe that will make the happy ending so much better

"It hurts Spencer to remember every fact about Reader, and to stumble upon them. It probably hurts her sometimes to have this damn near copy of Spencer. Regardless, it’s cute and I love Seb." -> yeah that's basically it!!! she always has to be reminded of Spencer and it's painful, but her love for Spencer made her put so much effort into loving and raising his son well

The fic: He was leagues ahead of where Spencer had been at that age - shy, apprehensive, constantly clammed up around new people. You: "This hurts and is nice. Like, poor Spencer, but at least Sebastian is doing good, just generally being a kid." -> So many people gloss over how fucked up Spencer's childhood was - in terms of him being bullied at school because he was in a peer group so much older than him, but also him missing out on socialization because he didn't have friends his own age? Like that is messed up. It's no wonder that he's so shy and awkward in the first few seasons, because the BAU is probably the first set of genuine 'peers' he's had, and JJ is like the only person in that group who is around his age. Just think about that for a second. So of course he wants his son to have social peers his own age and good friendship experiences.

I know you're being serious, but whenever you say 'Spencer-shaped hole' - I just keep thinking her pussy. Like what else would her Spencer hole be??

"Requesting a count of how many times Spencer actually came close to dying." -> idk what the official count is, but I know he was shot in the knee, I think the anthrax thing happened during the time they were apart because it was when he had Jesus hair. was he shot in the neck during that time? (I'm not acknowledging Emily's 'death' in this fic, and that was when Blake was on the team). like idk if we're counting him being held at gunpoint and stuff too

The fic: “I never considered that he might ask.” You explained. “I just thought I could get away without telling him who his father was” You: "I don’t think that would work forever, but okay." -> okay but with young kids, you think that something like this could work for a whiiile. and Seb is way ahead of the curve. you should be able to tell a 4-year-old that his dad is Spider-Man and he should believe you

"Fantastic. The boy genius, at the end of the day, is still a boy which is good." -> this is why everything he currently knows is about dinosaurs. because he is just a little boy at the end of the day

"Sometimes denial is protection. Things hurt, they’re allowed to hurt." -> this kind of blew my mind a little omg

"Spencer’s so wife-coded." -> TOO FUCKING TRUUUE

"Just the necklace. The necklace in general. Fuck." -> this is a surprise tool that will help us later (keep your eyes out for it)

The fic: He almost knocked his glasses off his face while ripping his shirt off his head You: He’s so eager, it’s cute. -> HE FUCKING IS. He totally forgot he was wearing his glasses in the first place

The fic: But of course, any thoughts about the clippings of property listings that Spencer had hidden away in a desk drawer You: "Oh he’s so serious about this. He’s in deep." -> (just wait until the next chapter) he is in way deeper than any of us would have expected. he wanted kids and a whole life he wanted EVERYTHING. so seeing Sebastian is a huge kick in the gut for him

"Fuck Spencer. I’m not going to blatantly discuss my kinks here, but god damn." -> okay but my blog is nothing if not an open forum for people to discuss their kinks. js

"Spencer is cute, Sebastian is cute, I love him so much. It’ll be interesting to see how the co-parent dynamic unfolds as they battle with feelings and memories and a murderer. There’s also how Sebastian will take it, though he already likes Spencer. They’re probably gonna meet the team at some point too during all this. Lots of good things going on and coming. Brilliant as always." -> 'how the co-parenting dynamic unfolds as they battle with feelings and memories and a murderer' this sounds like a fucking summary for the fic omg I love this

Anyway - thank you so so so much for the nice comments!! I am so glad that you liked the chapter <3