#he is royalty and would be saved. because he feels so devalued as a prince.

[insertsomthinawesome]

Hi! Do you have any TWST friendship headcanons about the dormheads? They are definetely a chaotic friend group!

Also love your art! It's so pretty!!

OH ABSOLUTELY. First of all, Thank you so much!! THat makes me so happy to hear ;;v;; ONTO SHENANIGANS: A LOT if not pretty much all of this falls into non-canon-compliant territory, and I'm only partway through Book 5 so I could either totally guess soimething or completely mess something up, but here are my braincells

Vil and Leona: I LOVE these two. I think they have some of the most fantastic worstie to bestie potential. And in a weird way??? I think Vil is the kind of person Leona needs? Like, Vil can be a little too harsh, and in my personal opinion too much of a perfectionist (Not for the character tho, just if he was a real person xD As a character trait its 10/10 good writing) but the fact that he refuses to stop seeing the potential in Leona??? Thats something that I really think Leona NEEDS. People who are like "What are you talking about? You have the possibility to be so much if you just tried." Like that last part is harsh yeah, but I think Vil really has this... he has this Rook-like ability to believe in the potential of other people in a way that isn't actually as cynical as it comes across. If he learned to work more with Leona than against him, I actually think the two of them would have such a strong power duo potential.

Leona needs to see Vil for the Roses rather than the Thorns. He needs to see more of what Vil is SAYING, where he's coming from rather than just the words themselves. I think if Leona really comprehended how much Vil believed in him, like, ACTUALLY believed in him, i think he would be genuinely moved, genuinely shook and full of wonder that somebody saw so much potential in him, as so much more than being a failure or a freak.

However I think if they actually became friends Epel might have to take a week off for mourning because he could no longer go to Leona to escape the wrath of Vil xD

Idia and Malleus: Okay so starsending started me on this one, I think they would actually really vibe. Idia is an introverted Loner, he has a hard time with high energy people who make a lot of noise. Mallues CAN be a lot, but honestly he tends to... not be. Its more like the A Lot follows him. ei when he interacts with Yuu and essentially just ends up being a nerd. The specific image i've had in my head, is i feel like Idia could play animal crossing with Malleus watching him, and the two of them could vibe for H O U R S. Malleus would make the occasional comment or go on the occasional tangent, but he seems less like he needs people to engage with him sometimes, and sometimes just like he needs people to listen. And Idia isn't actually that bad at engaging with people!! He's got internet friends (lilia lol) which means he does know something about sustaining relationships and talking to people I also think that Malleus would probably find Idia's way of talking fascinating SLDFKJSDLGJSLDJG. As long as he wasn't mocked for not understanding, he'd probably find it downright interesting to listen to Idia explain internet memes from 2010 and talk about the history of Loss. I also think that Idia could really be a safe and quiet spot for malleus when things are hard. I feel like part of Malleus's frustrations, and why we see him run away from Sebek and Silver, despite both of them being family he obviously loves, is that, with the exception of Lilia, Both of them make a BIG DEAL out of things. Silver tends to be quieter and less explosive, but they both do. Sometimes I think Malleus just wants to be alone to process, or not be pestered or questioned. I think Idia could potentially be that safe and quiet spot where he's ready to listen, but not necessarily interested in making a big deal about it. If they became better friends he might not even ask, just offer quiet empathy.

Kalim and Leona: -Spoilers for Leona's Union bday card, since it hasn't released in English yet- OH BOY.... THESE TWO. First of all!!! ANother relationship that I think could do a lot of good for Leona??? Kalim doesn't really need him for anything, but he's a well of low expectation positivity, somebody who I can see dragging Leona out to do things, or even just, once in a while so honestly state the worth he sees in Leona that it causes Leona to stutter and pause. Like, Leona's union bday card mentioning that he'd have Kalim with him on a deserted Island cause people would come ot rescue Kalim....... O U CH??????? There's a running Narrative that Kalim doesn't really see the value in himself, and this would be another person (like Azul) who would contradict that. Leona sees a more cynical version of his value, but its still value all the same. And Leona likes to gripe and groan, but he's adopted like, half the characters who are younger than him, I don't think he's immune to Kalim Al-Asim at ALL. It doesn't help that Leona is already a Tsunderely doting uncle, I can see Kalim triggering the Uncle-Instincts in him sometimes... or a lot. The loud and upbeat disposition Similar to Cheka's wouldn't help. Specifically, because I've thought about these two being friends before, I've always loved this idea of a post book 4 sequence where Kalim like, kind wanders into the greenhouse to find somewhere to cry privately, but he runs into leona napping. Leona doesn't really want to deal with Kalim, so while he's blubbering through his explanation he's just like "Fine you can chill here as long as you're quiet" Kalim accepts... but Leona has beastman hearing, so even what might be considered reasonably quiet is loud to him, and he eventually caves and asks whats up. Just to get Kalim to shut up eventually. I think maybe I had a conclusion or an idea for what advice leona would give kalim, but I don't remember it at the moment, but yeah just. Them :) I think their dynamic could be really interesting.

Malleus and Leona: So ya'll who saw my whumptobers already know I have some bad braincells for these two clowns. I think they are jealous of each other, because they think the other has what they want, they think that they see the other squandering the gifts they've been given, being fools and idiots who don't appreciate what they have. Leona craves being accepted, having the crown, having the power to fix what he sees that is wrong, to actually have and impact in people's lives, to matter and to fit in. Malleus craves normality, he craves to be one of the masses, just another man among many, he doesn't wish for power, and he cares little for the catastrophic effect he can have on other people, he just wants to be invited. He just wants to be included. Leona sees Malleus as having the power to do what matters. Malleus sees Leona as having the gift of Normality and camaraderie. Ultimately they're both miserable where they're at (though not entirely. Leona loves his squad, Malleus loves his family, both of them have things they'd never dare give up.) and they think if they just had what the other had, they would achieve the things they deserve and desire. I think both of them would have to sort through a LOT of emotions if it ever clicked for them just how similar they are. They're of course seeing each other through rose colored glasses. Leona is not an everyman, he's feared by his own family, Malleus is not all powerful, he cannot stop the tick of death. Leona is persecuted for being "less than" his brother, Malleus is held so far above everybody else he can't be reached. This would take some time for both of them to process, but I think once they did there would be a chance for them to become good allies, and potentially even really good friends. THose are my main braincells!! I honestly think that making any of the dorm leaders interact is fantastic food for thought and relationship building. I would love to think over what it'd be like to grow a friendship between Azul and Riddle, or Vil and Malleus. Leona and Azul would be INCREDIBLE and fascinating!!! Like man, there's so much to work with in TWST. I realized this might be a little to the left of your question ^^;; Haha, If you were asking about more like, I guess lighearted headcanons, I'm not sure I have any yet!! But I'm sure with time I totally could :) Writing or playing with TWST characters intimidated me for a bit there, since the quality of the writing of the game was SO GOOD I felt there was no way I could do it justice. Now I feel a lot less intimidated, so i feel like I'm more likely to dig my hands into shenanigans and thoughts.

[queenrhenpendragon]

lard is literally crap: an essay

I’m making this post so I can direct people to it when they try to give me the exact same arguments people have been using for over a decade now which didn’t convince me then and still haven’t after I’ve replayed the game 94,987,344,297,432 times so just get over it already, you have nothing new to say, and even if you did, you really don’t know enough about the games to debate with me. If you want to worship the abusive arrogant spoiled rich white guy, that’s your business, all I’m asking is that you leave me out of it and filter your crap appropriately.

If you can do that, you can stop reading now. If you still feel compelled to shove your headcanons down my and everyone’s throat, please read on. Below you will find a list of the most common points people try to persuade me with, followed by my salty responses (and please note, you were warned about the salt). Also please note that I’m calling him lard and other such things so it doesn’t show up in searches for people who are just tryna have a good time, not trying to be mean, you’re welcome.

1. But he changed!!!!

First of all even if lard had changed to any significant degree, that would not erase the results of his abusive behavior in the past. It would in no way justify or excuse him. It would not make any of the characters he hurt, or in fact anyone at all, obligated to like him. And if he hadn’t been a bully, nobody in the fandom would care about him. His “flaws,” if condoning and perpetuating slavery and assaulting small children can be covered by such a small word, are what make him “interesting,” his fans’ words, not mine. He’s worshipped because he is abusive, and that really does not make me want to jump on the bandwagon. At all. Period.

Second of all, no, he really didn’t. Please tell me you have stricter standards for people “changing” in real life, because you’re gonna fall into a lot of bad situations, repeatedly, if you count as change a single apology with few enough words to be counted on your fingers, which is not followed by any attempt to rectify wrongs but is in fact followed by stating his goals as exactly the same as they were before and actually rolling his eyes when it’s suggested he might help fight against literal slavery. Honestly you could stop reading here if you are halfway decent, I and everyone in this world have the right to dislike characters who canonically, explicitly, consistently hold up the idea that they are inherently better than random, innocent strangers to the point that they should be allowed to OWN THEM. But as this is painfully obvious in canon and still apparently did not deter most of you, I will continue.

Up next, context. Let’s look at that.

People are always trying to bash on Dameon because a lot of his dialogue is optional and so, according to them, it doesn’t “count.” Okay, have at it then, but while you’re pointing fingers please try to remember that lard’s “apology” (quotes because it really wasn’t much of one, more on that in the next paragraph), was also completely optional. And while the conversations with Dameon affect other characters and dialogue in the game (try going to the Sun Temple before and after the manor conversation between Rhen and him, for example), nothing lard says affects anything whatsoever. If you skip it entirely absolutely nothing will go any differently. So by your own standards, it didn’t happen. Not relevant. Stop bringing it up like it’s somehow supposed to matter to me. You will get salt and scorn. Not impressed, and definitely not convinced.

Now, unlike some people, I don’t care to villainize characters by ignoring their dialogue or twisting it to my own purposes (yes, that was a pointed statement, thanks for noticing, don’t poke your eye on it). I remember that lard apologized when I write or headcanon about him. I take it into account when I want to present an opinion on him. But I also take into account that this “apology” came only after it’s discovered that, oops, that “slave” he’s been abusing, in multiple ways for over a year, was actually literally royalty. It doesn’t indicate a change in his views or behavior, he’s just taking to a princess now instead of to a slave. Big whoop. I am marvelously unimpressed if you couldn’t tell. 

The other scenes people like to point at to show Lard’s “progress” are the one after the goose quest in Dirkon and the “stay back” one in the dragon’s cave. Again, both come after Rhen is a princess instead of a slave, and the Dirkon one is optional so again with the hypocrisy. Also, again with the standards of what actually constitutes change; he doesn’t actually do anything in either scene. He just talks big, and says nothing actually constructive. Rhen has been selflessly helping people for the entire game, people from every social class, people who aren’t even technically people (fairies, binis, etc etc ETC), and only one time in the entire game expresses any sort of wish that maybe she could’ve thought of herself first. It was her goose. She saved Tiny. The fairy prince gave the reward to her. And she thought of the people of Dirkon and traveled ACROSS THE OCEAN to give the goose to them. She did it. This is not lard’s good deed. It’s Rhen’s. Lard was just insensitive enough to snub her wistful “could have been” afterwards. Don’t come at me with the lard worship, I will not be sympathetic. It’s not progressive to take the woman protagonist’s accomplishments and give them to her male abuser. 100% not interested in this take, please get out of my notifs.

As for the dragon, sure, it’s progress. But it was also bossy and showed a complete lack of faith in Rhen’s abilities and intelligence, and really, it’s been years. lard should know better by then. It’s a step forward for him, considering how awful he was, but it’s not a big step. It doesn’t make him a good person to simply not do the worst thing he possibly could do one time in his whole life, toward one of the many people he victimized. Everyone would consider this line toxic and domineering if it came from Galahad, so seriously. Seriously I am so over lard getting every excuse while every other character is bashed or ignored or otherwise devalued, no I do not consider this scene significant or meaningful in any way, the end.

Now, I like lard. Or, at least, I used to before people kept trying to pummel me with his “redemption” and indiscriminately villainized and/or depreciated every other character to do it. But I like to think that he did change, eventually. I just also realize that this change has to include a heckuva lot more then some minor adjustments in his attitude towards Rhen. He abused her, physically, emotionally, socially, you name it and he probs did it, for over a year. He also abused every other slave in Ghalarah. Including small children. Let me say that again. He physically and verbally abused small children. This is not me theorizing or overreacting, we saw it on screen. In canon. Mandatory dialogue. And we see him abuse anyone who disagrees with him even after the “apology.” Some of you may have forgotten how he treats Galahad and Pirate John and Te’ijal and Mad Marge and Dameon and Elini and LITERALLY every other party member, but I didn’t. Lard has a long way to go with his behavior towards everyone and he isn’t remotely anywhere near close to being a good person by the end of the game. 

Actually, as I said before, Lard’s goals at the end of the game are literally word-for-word the exact same as they were at the beginning-- teach at Shadwood, be an elitist. He doesn’t have a canon arc. Even in the absolute best possible ending for him, he is specifically left out of all references to social reformation or actual good work. He specifically rolls his eyes when it’s suggested to him he might consider helping for once. He has unlimited chances and resources to finally actually SHAPE THE HECK UP and he still. doesn’t. (And once again back to the first point, even if he had changed, it absolutely would not make anyone, especially not the people he abused, obligated to love or even like him at all.)

If people want to headcanon him into sainthood, that’s their business, but it’s not canon, it wasn’t in the game, and they don’t have more “development” backing up their claims then I do, so they can quit talking down to me like I’m delusional. I’m not the one insisting my own imaginings about a bland rich white guy are the irrefutable truth.

And yeah, sure, it’s “just fiction,” but it might be time to look at why it’s so compelling to exalt the rude, arrogant, rich bully, no matter how obvious and terrible his abuse is, no matter how little grounds there are to excuse him (and it’s almost always a him, which is another thing people might think about), and no matter who you have to put down to do it.

2. he’s rhen’s best friend

Where? Point to one instance that would indicate this. I already talked about all the usual scenes people like to use; none of them indicate any real change or warmth (see 1). Every single one of his other lines are about the quest, aka work-related. There is no closeness there. Compared to the way he treated her before (um, LITERAL ABUSE) it's an improvement, but it’s not kind or affectionate. If there wasn’t the context of how he demeaned and hurt her at every turn previously, nobody would be interested in his dialogue at all. It’s just not dynamic or meaningful. There’s nothing there besides poorly masked elitism. The fact that people think there’s something there because it used to be so much worse is kind of hugely disgusting. Please tell me you do not carry this logic forward into your real relationships.

And definitely never expect me to like an interpretation of their affiliation that relies on the fact that he literally shoved her into the dirt before to make it meaningful. Not gonna happen.

Besides all of that, almost all of lard’s suggestions were actually originally Rhen’s idea or an NPC’s idea. Again with the giving a female protagonists’s accomplishments to her abuser. Not into it, never gonna be. Also not into the implication that Rhen is too stupid to remember information she asked for. Lard is stealing credit, trying to make himself look good and stepping on anyone and everyone else to do it. Typical of him. Not impressive. Not helpful. Not meaningful. Rhen’s “good idea” is most likely her attempt to avoid conflict and move on. She doesn’t like fighting. She’s nice. And other people might be okay with ignoring her and other character’s capabilities in order to build up the pig-fat guy, but I am not and never will be. 

Especially when Rhen already has much more meaningful relationships with other characters, relationships that don’t require her dialogue or accomplishments or explicitly stated feelings to be ignored or downplayed. She has fun with Peter and Jenna. Her associations with Te’ijal and Elini are warm and friendly and don’t rely on cruelty for depth. She has profound conversations with Dameon and spends time thinking about him and chooses to spend her free time with him and with him she’s safe and excited and happy. There are so many wonderful options, why would I ever even consider the person she’s forced to spend time with, who makes her frightened and angry and is never sensitive to her feelings and never contributes anything to her story, especially when I have to imagine her as less to do it? I wouldn’t. I won’t. I am never going to. Rhen is too important to me. 

Also, because I’m salty and somebody had to say it, the one time Lard’s idea is actually his idea, it’s Elini who offers the “good idea.” Elini is also the only character he has anything resembling a real conversation with in the manor.  Everyone else he ignores or insults, or gives a meager apology with approximately zero action backing it up. The most canon evidence of any character having an actual friendship with Lard is Elini, the character people try to make out as promiscuous and selfish when she’s actually pretty dang proper and thoughtful. Leave her alone. Stop dumping on my precious heroines to exalt the green diarrhea man. 

3. But the ~chemistry~

First, can I point out how pathetic this argument looks next to the fact that we are literally talking about a slave owner with explosive anger issues? Y’all don’t even have the excuse that he was a “good” owner, as if such a thing could even exist. It’s painfully pathetic, please go away.

Second, seriously no, if you think abuse is chemistry you have problems, and seeing as if you take out the abuse you have people who only talk at work and about work (see 2), no. Heck no. It’s not there. Headcanon what you want but acknowledge that it’s crack from your own head and not something in the game and definitely not something I’m required to like or accept.

And Rhen deserves heckin better. She shouldn’t have to give some idiot stuck-up pighead five hundred thousand chances. She should never have been forced to spend time with him in the first place. She definitely shouldn’t have to spend time with him even after the quest and wait for him to shape up enough to be tolerable just so lard tenoboring can have someone pretty and “feisty” to argue and have sex with. Ew. Gross. She’s so much more than that. She’s worth so much more. She deserves to be with someone who treated her with respect the FIRST time around, and someone who will compliment her and build her up when she doubts herself, and support her in all her decisions instead of just the ones that benefit him, not an icky green goop who canonically rolls his eyes every time she enjoys something. She deserves to be adored, and to have someone look up to her because DANG is she worth looking up to. And most of all she deserves to be with someone she chooses to be with, someone whose company she actually enjoys, who improves her life. That’s what chemistry is. It’s really not that complicated.

As for the "chemistry" in the other lard ship people have been trying to push at me lately, still no. Please get it into your heads that hate-sexy is not and never will be enticing to me and I don't. heckin. ship it. I want to see Dameon safe and happy with someone who cares about him and values him, someone he can share all that tenderness in his good heart with and someone who will blush softly at his compliments and who will respond with affection, not mocking or flippancy. He's been through a lot already. His own mother (who I love but can acknowledge had her own struggles and flaws) is not affectionate to him-- canonly and fanonly which everyone would have noticed if they actually cared about any character other than lard. Dameon doesn't need more questions,  more difficulty, more pain. I don’t want to see him villainized and sexualized so lard can have somebody to love to hate. Dameon deserves kindness and compassion and protection, in canon and in this fandom, and I really cannot be expected to have anything but scorn for an interpretation that doesn't acknowledge that, or anything but disgust for ships that deprive him like he's been deprived his whole existence of those basic needs.

4. Opposite attract

Yeah, to a certain extent, that’s why I ship the spunky loud impulsive warrior girl with the calm quiet measured healer boy. That’s what “opposites attract” means. It does not and should not mean one character is mean and the other stands up for themselves or other victims. It should not mean one character is a toxic cruel person while the other stays gentle and kind despite horrible circumstances. It should never be used when what you actually mean is “they fight” and ESPECIALLY not when the fights are because one character is a self-obsessed jerk. That’s not called cute and trust me, I know cute. What that’s called is normalizing and romanticizing abusive tendencies and it needs. To stop. This goes for every lard ship in the entire world. I know about “opposites attract” and that ain’t it, ya noodles.

5.  Rona was abusive

Again, people need to quit trying to excuse their problematic male fave by villainizing the women in the story. For that matter quit villainizing or parodying the dark skinned characters to do it. This has happened in every single fandom I've been in and I can't pretend it's just a coincidence anymore, there's something seriously scary going on and I'm not into it. Just stop. Lard is literally crap. Even if he was abused, it wouldn’t excuse how he treated others. Plenty of abuse victims go on to not be complete buttheads who physically hurt small children and condone slavery.

Furthermore Lard was not abused, or neglected, or anything of the sort. All of Rona’s dialogue indicates that she adores lard. She calls him “my darling son” and makes sure he has good clothes for traveling before he leaves and worries if he isn’t home for dinner. If anyone inconveniences him in even the slightest way she makes them pay for it and holds the grudge forever. She spoils him. Multiple characters literally say so. This is canon. Explicitly canon. It wasn’t one of the mysteries we were left to figure out, it was put out right in front of us. If people want to think differently so they can keep worshiping their precious pig-fat, they can. But there is no evidence. This is not other people noticing something I missed. This is people making stuff up that directly contradicts what we actually see in the story-- which they are free to do, but they are not free to demand I accept their fantasies as canon or even vaguely convincing fanon. What it’s called is crack. And I don’t have to like it just because you do.

Also just a psa I’m never gonna like a headcanon (or a canon for that matter) that slings mud at a perfectly good female character in the name of giving an abusive arrogant male some angst so people can uwu over him. Unless you’re looking for salt and scorn, leave me out of it.

6. it’s *his* story

Again with giving Rhen’s accomplishments to her abuser. In her own game, too. I am not impressed or convinced in any way. I’ve already talked about how lard contributes no useful information during the entirety of the quest (see 1)-- and it’s a long quest. Besides the abuse, none of his lines affect any other character’s lines or actions, or any other aspect of the plot (see 1 again). He has no meaningful relationships (see 2), besides maybe Elini, but the people who like him ignore or forget that, so really, they can stop pretending they cared about any other character’s dialogue. Nothing lard does contributes to the plot or any other character’s development (1 and 2). If he was ditched in Veldarah literally not a single aspect of the story would change. The only reason for him to be mandatory is because Amanda correctly assumed some people (like me, definitely me) wouldn’t take him if he wasn’t, and then she couldn’t introduce the fighting dynamics with multiple party members as early. (Personally I would love to be able to take Eddie or the one sword singer student who is nice to Rhen instead, it would take out a lot of the racist undertones the game has due to lard’s presence, make for much more interesting dynamics, and would make it possible to explore the impact of what Rhen went through in a much more meaningful way that fewer people would be able to interpret as romantic or excusable. It’d also be cool to have Talia as a briefly playable character, though I suppose her fighting skills would make us too op for the spiders.)

Also, before anyone tries that “he stuck with the quest to the end” crap, so did heckin Mad Marge but nobody gives her any credit so don’t even try me. He also forced his way into the party against the protagonist’s will, and made it clear from the beginning he was in it for his own glory. And there is nothing in the entire game to indicate that ever changes, even slightly (see 1 and 2). In fact every scrap of dialogue indicates the exact opposite (1, 2, and 3). So that argument means exactly nothing to me, except that I’m annoyed I have to take him in the first place.

There are also a few lesser known examples of this type of argument where people try to praise lard or exalt his connection to Rhen for something literally every other party member also did. I have the same response to all of them. Shut up. I am bored with you. Take an interest in a character who is not a self-serving egotistical sadistic moldy toenail for once in your lives.

And speaking of that, I have literally gone through the entire game without having lard in my party even once, and it’s actually easier that way. Before graduation his spells are pretty useless and he dies all the time, so not using him means I can buy lighting scrolls and actually do some damage instead of buying cassia leaves and venison and covey balm ten thousand times. After graduation you get Elini and then Dameon and Te’ijal pretty quickly, and now instead of 50 cassia leaves you have lightning scrolls which are SUPER USEFUL in the next few areas. I’ve easily beaten Ahriman at level 63 (expert mode) using this strategy, in one try. I could probably do it at a lower level too, but I don’t use the traveling runes so it’s hard to not gain levels.

Tldr; lard is literally crap and also useless. Ditch him and his worshipers. Be free and enjoy Amanda’s awesome action-adventure female coming of age story with me, I have cookies and good fanfiction. Also pretty decent fanart, if I do say so myself. And when I’m not raging against the social brainwashing that made most of the population think being abusive and arrogant makes a character cool, I’m mostly nice.

Mostly.