#doing nothing but chilling and chatting about silly and lighthearted things

[memryse]

many thoughts about Scar in Last Life

We all know Scar is one of the standouts of Last Life; he’s always been one of the key players ever since 3rd Life, driving conflicts and shaping the course of the server. His chaotic nature lends itself perfectly to 3rd/Last Life, and he seems to have only refined it in the hiatus between seasons.

In 3rd Life, Scar was more of a subjective villain. From his own perspective and Grian’s perspective, he wasn’t scary at all! The two of them were just having fun and causing problems – sure, they threatened people, but their dumb antics together made them just feel like two friends messing around; their POV was lighthearted until the final session, really. From other perspectives, however (particularly Dogwarts’ POVs), that was not how the two of them came across. They felt malicious, scary in how casually they approached such a bloodthirsty game. They’d laugh as they took lives, showing no care for anybody but themselves – they’d betray their allies in a heartbeat without an ounce of remorse, and the rest of the players knew it. Scar wasn’t someone to fear from his own POV.

Since Last Life began, however, Scar has become very openly malicious. Even watching his own POV, it’s hard to see him as anything but a villain – his own comment section is full of people commenting on how scary he suddenly seems. I want to expand on some of these villainous moments, because holy fuck, Scar.

In session 1, Scar is certainly a prominent figure, but we mostly get to see his classic silly Scar antics. Sure, he plans on “selling souls”, but it feels like the equivalent of his reputation points in S1. We still don’t get the sense of him going full villain arc yet. He allies with Joel and commits a crime, and we all expect another lighthearted Scar scam which definitely does not go to plan.

And that is what happened… sort of. He’s immediately caught by Scott and Pearl, etc etc etc. The two of them cheerfully agree a scheme to try and kill Jimmy, but that casual discussion of murder is as bad as they get.

Session 2, Scar is chosen as one of the two boogeymen, alongside Joel.

Things go decidedly not to plan immediately. The two of them had agreed last session to try and kill Jimmy, and were supposed to be trusting enough to tell each other if they’re the boogeyman – and yet what does Scar do? Immediately try and push Joel into lava. He’d betray Joel without a second thought – already a contrast to 3rdLife, where upon turning red Scar threw flowers at Grian and asked if they could still be friends. He doesn’t succeed, of course, and Scar and Joel realise they’re both boogeymen, before parting ways.

Scar heads to the nether, where he immediately decides to deceive Etho and Bdubs into thinking he’s weak and has no food, so that he can get close to them nonthreateningly or something. I’ll talk about this more later, but here we get to see what a good liar Scar actually is. People want to assume that he’s all bark and no bite, that he’s a schemer who poses no real threat – when Scar plays into this, he can be reallyconvincing.

The next big moment I want to talk about is, of course, Joel’s trap. The first thing to comment on here is that Scar cries “Joel, are you trying to kill your best buddy?!”, and I can’t work out whether this is Scar acting to diffuse suspicion, or genuine surprise that he’d pull the trap when Scar was right there, but either way it definitely has the former effect. None of the Southlanders suspect Scar in the slightest. Until Scar murders Mumbo in a matter of seconds.

What’s really horrifying about this is that Scar had been begging Mumbo to ally with him just last session. And yet here… not only does he go for Mumbo without hesitation, his reaction afterwards is downright chilling. He just laughs, and tells the others “Welcome to Magical Mountain!” – it’s really quite like a movie villain in how little he seems to care. He doesn’t actually say a word about killing Mumbo; again, despite having desperately wanted to ally with him. To Scar, this was nothing more than an opportunity. Or maybe it’s all a show to him. Maybe it’s both. Scar doesn’t actually care about winning this game – to him, it’s more fun to put on as good a show as possible, and drag as many people down with him as possible (which is definitely a “cc!Scar being a good entertainer” thing, but it translates very well into being a LL!Scar character trait too).

He then hands Joel some supplies, and with the exact same level of nonchalance, tells him to go burn Scott and Pearl’s house down. I’m… getting the sense he enjoyed burning down Etho’s castle in 3rdLife.

Not much of note happens during his subsequent conversation with the Southlanders beyond him failing an initiation spectacularly – after this, he heads back to Joel. They chat from opposite ends of a broken bridge, which is quite a poetic scene honestly, representing the gap between their lives, the destruction of their alliance, etc. I’m just here to talk about Scar’s villainous moments, though, so let me point out one specific line from this conversation.

“I did avenge you, to be fair - Mumbo, I burned him to death, which was enjoyable. I heard him cry, so it was- yeah, that was a thing.”

Just… what the fuck, Scar? What? I know he tried to push the “red lives are psychopathic and feel nothing except a small sense of happiness when people die” in 3rd Life, but this was definitely a lie or at least an exaggeration, because 3l!Scar definitely had a much wider range of emotions than that. Either way, here he doesn’t even have the excuse of being a red life; this is just active malice, pure and simple. Bdubs had a similar level of pride in his boogeyman kill, but I never got the sense that he enjoyed it like Scar did.

Scar goes off to visit Scott and Pearl, and figure out whether they have the enchanting table or not. Note the emphasis on simply figuring it out, not actually getting the enchanting table. Here’s where I want to talk about Scar being a great liar: he fully convinces them into thinking that he was willing to trade lives for the enchanting table, and then he convinces them that he’s so desperate to get the table that he’ll lie about Joel burning their house down. The thing is, Scar had no intention of ever getting the table at that moment – he wasn’t going to trade lives for it to begin with. He’d try his luck at threatening them, but nothing more. He got exactly what he wanted out of that situation: proof. Meanwhile, Scott and Pearl were left believing they’d outwitted him, that they’d called his bluff and bullied him into leaving. They never saw his true intentions, never saw him as an actual threat. Scar is much smarter than people believe, which only makes him all the more threatening.

And finally, he goes on to prove this intelligence even further. He figures out that Scott and Pearl planned to trade for the enchanting table simply by seeing Scott ask Lizzie if she’s home in chat. He then goes to visit Lizzie, and she tells him she declined their offer. What’s notable about this scene is how much less belligerent Scar is than usual: he readily accepts what Lizzie says for once in his life and leaves without being too annoying about it. He later talks about lulling the others into a false sense of security, letting them think he’s not after the enchanting table anymore; that makes me think his visit to Lizzie was purely to confirm that the offer was even made, and he’s now certain that she accepted it. It’s not hard to work out, especially if he noticed her life count.

So, all in all, if you’re not scared of Scar in Last Life, you most definitely should be.

Did I forget to mention he’s currently tied for the highest life count on the server?

[another-lottie-simp]

Hello! I'm going to post a series of crossover headcanons regarding LITG. That means picking one islander and placing it in another season. I'm accepting requests if anyone is interested to see their favourite islander in another season. The first one will be Talia. This post is dedicated to the awesome @bubblybabynailpolish and her awesome headcanons. Next one will Henrik in S1 babes <3

PD: I got carried a little but please keep in mind that English is not my native language, so if you see something that is phrased weirdly, just let me know.

Talia in S2: 

If Talia was part of S2, I do think she would arrive on the 5th day along with Lurik. I can picture her being civil to Lucas because she’s not very much into his poshness and his attitude at all but she feels that she has no reason to be really mean to him, they just don’t have much in common but they would respect each other. 

On the other hand, I see her having a platonic friendship with Henrik and even coupling up with him as friends if she doesn’t fancies anyone back in the Villa. If he’s the returning Lurik or he manages to make it to the final recoupling after CA after being rejected by MC and if she’s not in her route. He's just one of her closest friends in the Villa, there’s nothing sexual or romantic between them.

After MC and Priya, I feel that Talia is tied with Hope as one of the most attractive females in the Villa, which leads to certain “unwanted male attention” in her words, especially from Rocco which is a source of arguments and drama between her, Marisol and Lottie. Talia may be nice, chill and hating drama just like in S1, but she’s not going to be a doormat and will take no shit about Lottie’s rants about Girl Code or Marisol’s psychoanalysis. Much less she’s going to tolerate Rocco trying to graft on her.

She agrees with the idea of the girl code, but thinks that Lottie executed her ideas poorly. Talia sees the good intentions in Lottie's idea of Girl Code but thinks that they could work better if she were less abrasive in her interactions with the other girls.

Regarding the rest of the boys and assuming she had seen certain events on telly like the kiss between Lottie and Gary or Rocco trying to graft with the rest of the girls behind Lottie/MC’s back, she would be cautious of both Rocco and Gary. I can see her vibing a lot with Bobby and even coupling up as friends if he’s not coupled with MC because of the jokes and the banter. Before ON, their friendship would be much like hers with Tim in S1. I don’t see her interacting much with Rahim because they have little in common and she's going to be straight up annoyed with him during the girls day drama later.

During the Most Dateable challenge, she’d be super happy to help Henrik and give him advice on how to apply lipstick correctly or help him to pick the color of the lipstick he’s going to wear. I can also see her helping Bobby to put on Priya's dress.

After Henrik (and Bobby before ON), I feel like she would love to hang out with Noah in the Villa, much to Hope’s chagrin because she will feel threatened by her beauty and her warm, approachable personality and they will clash for that. Talia and Noah would be talking a lot about their tastes in books and music while he braids her hair first but later about their experiences in the Villa and more serious chats. To Talia, her hair is something she cares a lot, but she would trust it only to Noah (and later to MC).

She certainly would not be a fan of his behaviour towards Hope and Priya/MC during the aftermath of ON but she wouldn’t judge him that harshly. Instead, she would offer him her honest opinion if he asks her. I don’t see her pursuing a romantic relationship with Noah for the same reasons she didn’t work with Jake in S1 as a couple but I can see her having an innocent, healthy male-female friendship with him, like hers with Jake in S1.

As for the girls, she has a crush on MC and they flirt a lot prior to CA if MC acknowledges that she’s bi in the beginning of the game. If MC is romantically interested in her, they would be able to couple up after CA, game wise. 

If MC is straight or not really interested in Talia romantically, I can’t picture Talia going for Elisa because I feel like she is too high maintenance and extra for her and I don’t think she would have vibed much with Marisol either because she’s very calculating and unnecessarily childish for her liking after noticing that she's with Graham to try to make MC jealous. Instead, I can see Lottie secretly having a crush on Talia despite being openly mean to her when they first met when she was coupled up with Rocco.

Regarding the other girls, she would vibe the most with MC, Priya and Lottie after Roccogate drama ends, but like I said before not much with Hope and Marisol. This is something that really pains me to say, but I think she would be pretty much indifferent to Chelsea because they don't have much in common. Yeah, she might find Chelsea genuinely funny sometimes after the Ministry of Sound Party drama ends but they wouldn't be that close like she is with MC, Priya or Lottie.

She'd made sure that Bobby actually faced consequences after ON, because she never approved it when Bobby and Priya approached her to see if she was up to try to turn Noah’s head. She refuses quite offended, because her friendship with Noah is more important to her than some petty drama. Even if Priya is upset after Talia refuses to take part in ON, she understands why she refused. This will be the first source of drama between Bobby and Talia.

Like I said before, they'd be closer because I headcanon that Talia has literally the same ethnicity of Bobby (white British/Jamaican) and they would share a lot of things in common about Jamaican culture, besides she would also enjoy Bobby’s dumb jokes.

But that doesn't mean she would be pleased all the time with his behaviour. Bobby's attitude after ON is something she's not going to tolerate and she won’t hesitate to call out him especially if she's aware that he played a big part in ON, after he starts to play fool in the Ministry of Sound Party and later playing peacemaker with Marisol while Priya/MC is enduring the shitstorm alone during the aftermath of ON.

She's 👏🏾 not 👏🏾 here 👏🏾 for 👏🏾 the 👏🏾 peacemaking 👏🏾 bullshit 👏🏾. After Priya leaves the Villa, she pretty much ignores Bobby unless is really necessary to talk to him. Bobby’s part in Priya's dumping was the final straw between Bobby and Talia.

I think she would be closer to Priya because she'd appreciate Talia's carefree and non-judgemental personality. As for Lottie, they'd be closer after the Roccogate drama ends but they would start their friendship after she stands up for Lottie by calling out Gary for kissing her after Hannah left the Villa the same night when Chelsea entered the Villa throwing shade to Lottie. 

From Hope, she would be quite disgusted with her behaviour after trying to put all the blame against MC/Priya after ON. She might understand why Hope is legitimately upset but she won’t allow her to insult only Priya/MC for making a pass/kissing Noah while ignoring Bobby’s part during ON. 

At CA, the only guy that she remotely likes is Kassam after finding Elijah, Felix and Arjun annoying and not vibing much with Carl and Graham. She might find him interesting, but not enough to take him back to the Villa. If MC is in her route, she might acknowledge her crush on Talia during the CA days which is a source of more drama with Marisol, because she's going to be jealous of Talia.

During the girls day, she would try to reason with Shannon that Jo is not the only responsible for the kiss with Ibrahim, not because she likes Jo (in fact, she’s not a big fan of her attitude), it is mostly because she wants to have quality time with MC (or Lottie) without drama enjoying the beach and the drinks. Since her efforts trying to reason with Shannon are futile, she might sneak with MC or Lottie to the beach. She won’t be here for petty drama that doesn’t affect her directly.

When the baby challenge happened, Talia is an utter mess because she’s not used to taking care of babies and she’s quite creeped by the fake baby, but she would attempt to help MC to take care of it.

If Lottie gets dumped before the finale, our Aussie witch lady might regret not making a move on Talia if MC is not in her route. She mostly regrets it because due to her stubbornness trying to pursue something with Gary that she realizes now is not going to last much. She kinda regrets ignoring her feelings for her all this time, also for her fear of being rejected. When MC is not in her route their story is a literal enemies to friends to lovers but if MC is coupled with Talia, Lottie will back off and keep her feelings to herself. If Bobby is dumped before the finale, he might apologize properly to both MC and Talia for what he did in ON.

She makes it to finals but depending on who is coupled up with her, she might win with MC or end in third place if she coupled up with anyone else, she loses to MC and her LI if she didn't cheated with Elisa/RLurik and Nope who ends in second place.

Finally, overall I feel like she would vibe a lot with lighthearted guys who are not afraid to do silly things much like in S1 (in a friendly way) and guys that are being comfortable with their masculinity, but that doesn’t mean that she won’t call out things that are utter bullshit to her like Bobby’s involvement in ON. Talia is usually quite easy to talk, fair and she was hands down the kindest female character in S1, that was the main reason why I can picture her being closer to characters like Lottie, Priya or Noah, because she wouldn’t judge them of the things they do or if they want to talk to her something private, however, if they ask her opinion she will very blunt and she will stand for what she thinks is the correct thing to do. 

As a LI, she would be super supportive of MC if she doesn’t want to be involved in petty drama or if the Villa is forcing her to be a people pleaser and she doesn't want to be. Also, if Talia sees that someone is giving MC shit for any reason, she will stand up for her. In this regard, she wouldn’t be far different than Lucas but overall she would be a very chill LI like Henrik because she would trust a lot in MC unless she cheats on her before the final recoupling.

That's it for know. Like I said I'm gonna post a series of crossover headcanons and requests are open!

[pinevalley]

A half-forgotten and half-misremembered moment. Alright, this is the aforementioned Cassie drabble! It introduces another major character in her backstory! It also gets dark, so content warnings for: death/murder (described, but not with gore), mentions of choking and blood, and slight body horror.

“We should run away, Cass.” Beside her, Allie’s voice came out light but determined. ���It would be easy.”

They were sitting on a rooftop, watching the sunset. It was a habit of theirs — especially on days like this, after they’d skipped class and dodged adults and sprinted down the streets laughing in the almost-summer warmth. Thrill and excitement, simmering down to peaceful familiarity in the evening.

Cassie paused before replying. “Yeah, for sure.” She stretched her legs out on the roof. Her dirty shoes tapped against each other, her gaze fixed on the spread of houses before them and the fields in the distance. “We’d go on a road trip. Find all the best tourist stops and tacky gift stores and stuff.”

She didn’t glance at Allie, but she could sense the girl smiling. They’d discussed this idea several times over the years they’d known each other. Initially, it had only existed as a simple daydream. Something to chat about when things got rough at school or home. Nothing serious. But now, with expectations and pressure building on all sides, the idea had gained substance. They could do it. They really could.

“What would we buy?” Allie asked, with the breezy, teasing tone befitting a question she’d asked several times before. “From the tacky gift stores, I mean. Or, like. What would we borrow?” Steal.

And Cassie, like always, invented a different answer. “Oh, key-chains. Dozens of ‘em, from each place we’d visit. Those cheap plastic ones, yeah, but also the real nice, expensive ones. Like, the ones with wood and metal and the ones that light up and stuff. We’d hang ‘em on all our bags and in your car—”

“My car?”

“Your dad’s car,” Cassie clarified. “‘Cause we’d steal it, like master criminals.” A joke; they could never get away with that. “Or we’d fix up one of them broken trucks in the junkyard. ‘Cause we’re also master... fixers? Car-people? Anyway, we’re multi-talented.”

Allie’s laugh — a bubbly sound, half-breathless in spots — made a grin spread across Cassie’s face.

“You’re right.” Amusement still brimmed behind Allie’s words, but there was confidence in her voice as well. Resolve. “It’s a flawless plan. We’ve got it all figured out. We’ll leave before school’s over.”

Cassie chuckled. “Hell, I’d leave tonight if you wanted. Just ask.” Though her tone was lighthearted, she meant it. The unexpected flare of nervousness in her chest confused her. She faltered, pressing her palms against the roof shingles, her voice softer as she went on. “Just... don’t go without me, alright? I mean, if you needed to, I’d find you. But like—”

“Except you’re gonna die.”

The words pierced through Cassie like a knife. She stared at Allie — stared at the girl straight-on for the first time since they’d ended up on the rooftop — and now she realized what was wrong. Allie had no clear features. Her head, her face, was a blurred cloud of faded and indistinct shapes and colors, like someone had smudged her face on a photograph.

This is wrong, Cassie thought, frozen. This isn’t what happened. This is—

Allie turned toward her, and Cassie’s breath caught in her throat. She couldn’t see Allie’s face. She couldn’t look away. “You’re gonna die,” Allie repeated, her voice still casual. “At the side of a road, by a beat-up car. And it’s gonna be weird.”

It was strange, hearing Allie say things that made no sense in her mouth but that still slipped out sounding like Allie, with her smooth accent and lilting words. A sick, cold feeling curled in Cassie’s stomach.

“It’s gonna be weird, Cass. You’ll think you’ll choke to death first, but the guy’ll change his mind like an asshole and decide stabbing you would be more fun. Like a horror movie, but happening to you. Killer hitchhiker, but reversed.” Allie took a deep breath, let it out slowly before continuing. “And the worst part? He’ll tell you the truth. That he’d planned on killing whoever he picked up. That killing somebody was all he wanted. That you just got unlucky. Awful, really.”

Cassie couldn’t speak.

“So yeah, you’ll bleed to death. And the guy’ll drive away scot-free. He’ll leave you lying by the road, dirt and gravel pressed against your cheek, just hidden enough that nobody’ll ever find you. ‘Cause the assholes always get away, don’t they?” A breath of mirthless laughter left the girl. “Yeah, they do. Always.” Her shoulders quaked, then went still.

A long pause. The silence stretched. Cassie opened her mouth: tried to say something, anything.

Nothing.

When Allie spoke again, a cold breeze chilled the air. “And revenge is kinda overrated, but it sure sounds sweet when it comes to folks like that, doesn’t it?” She leaned closer. “But Cass, you won’t be thinking about that.” Her voice had dropped to a hushed whisper, her unseen mouth breathing warmth across Cassie’s cheek. “You’ll be thinking about me, and how you never said goodbye to anyone, and how you wished you’d never gotten in the car with him, and how much it hurts, and how damn cold you are.”

A sudden jolt, like falling. The memory blurred into fog. Allie was gone. Cassie was sitting on the grocery store rooftop, hands clenched into fists and nails digging into her palms. Sunlight was just starting to spill over the horizon in purples and oranges. She blinked, relaxed her hands, and inhaled a shaky breath, forgetting she didn’t need to breathe. An old habit. Ghosts didn’t sleep either. She just... faded for several hours. Tuned out. Lost track of time.

As always, the memory of her dream was already fragmenting and fading. Allie had been there; Cassie remembered that, remembered her voice. Allie dreams were good dreams. Then why...

Cassie’s hand rose to her cheek on instinct. Her fingers came away dry. She didn’t know why she’d checked. She knew it was silly. Ghosts couldn’t cry.

[charmingturkeysandwich]

I Could Use a Love Song Ch. 3: don’t need no reason or happy hour

Chapter 3 of my Country Singer!Emma AU is here. I added a tag on AO3 for alcohol abuse, because while I don’t think we have true alcoholism here... Emma’s coping mechanisms are shit and the heavy drinking isn’t the healthiest. I wanted to make sure that I added that warning here as well. Please don’t use alcohol like Emma does here. I know from experience it’s hella bad news. Find a therapist! This is actual advice, not a joke. For reals. Emma should have just gone to a counselor instead of making appointments with Jose Cuervo and Jack Daniels. If anyone has treated you the way this iteration of Neal treated Emma, talk to someone. If you can’t afford a therapist, talk to me. Seriously, no lie, no joke, I’m only alive today because I eventually adopted a dog and sought counseling to cope with life’s many traumas.

Mmmmkkay enough babbling. 

Also on AO3

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Their next few gigs were some of the best in Emma’s (admittedly tequila-hazed) memory, and for once that glimmer of hope for that future of fame and fortune… well, it felt like a hell of a lot more than a glimmer.

The crowds had been rowdy, raucous, and ready to sing along to every song on their whole set. A few people even more some of the merch Killian had started selling at the door, nothing fancy of course, but it made her heart burst with pride nonetheless.

It had all gotten so real, so achievable, so close to everything she’s been dreaming about before she ever really knew that dreams were a thing that could come true.

So of course something was about to bring back the quasi-comfort of her life always reverting to being a waking nightmare.

That was a deeply melodramatic way of putting it – it’s not like she was being beaten or shamed or any of the daily torments her tiny town had ensured were burned into her brain. But that was the problem with the past, wasn’t it? It wasn’t over, even when it was. Those days were past but they would always somehow be present, replaying in her brain and aching in her heart no matter how far from Pennsylvania their little van puttered.

(Whoever said you can’t go home again neglected to mention how hard it was to leave it, even after you’d physically gone.)

It had been a Tuesday. In some chain grocery store outside Virginia Beach, the sun glowing through the big front windows and the icy chill of the air conditioning raising goosebumps on her bare arms. Emma had only echoes of a hangover, so Ruby’s constantly chatting wasn’t nearly as grating as it could be. They moved slowly through the aisles, tossing various food and supplies in their cart, more than fulfilling the list Graham and Mary Margaret had given them.

They were still struggling artists but some weeks the struggle was… less. This was one of them and if they decided to celebrate with Patron instead of Jose Cuervo and fresh, organic honeycrisp apples instead of Great Value brand dried apple chips, well, it’s because they damn well deserved it.

They couldn’t have been more than a few feet away from the checkout when the radio (a constant calming presence, most days, being the object of their ambition and all) caused her heart to drop to the deepest pits of her gut, twisting her insides until she was nearly dry-heaving to get the gross sensation of feelings out of her body and in the sewer system where it belonged.

They say scent is tied to memory, and it surely is, but there’s something, too, in sound. Music had a distinct way of tying itself to a moment, to a feeling. For some people that feeling was joy, was love, could be better than the best drug to intoxicate them with no risk of hangover. But for Emma, for this song in particular, it was all hangover, no high.

I’m set on cruise control

I’m slowly losing hold of everything I got

You’re looking so damn hot

The lyrics were innocuous enough. Sweet. Loving. There was certainly some couple out there – many, probably – who smiled fondly at each other when it came on. But for her, it was just a reminder of how pathetic she’d been, once upon a time, how deeply manipulated she’d been. And oh, the consequences she’d suffered for falling for a sweet voice and a pretty face and a moment that had felt like a country song.

And I don’t know what road we’re on

Or where we’ve been, from starin at you, girl

All I know is I don’t want this night to end

It had been a song she’d listened to in Neal’s truck, on a back road, the moon high and the stars bright and her heart hammering in her chest before he leaned over the center counsel parked in his daddy’s field and kissed her like she was precious, like she was, like he could love her through this life and the next.

And even today, half-hungover in a Piggly Wiggly or whatever the fuck this place was, she still felt the whisper of butterflies in her. She still remembered how much she’d believed the lies and even hoped the bad stuff wasn’t actually real, holding on to nights like that first one, her and Neal seemingly the only two people on Earth and all she’d ever need to feel whole again.

Emma Swan was a fighter, a survivor, a strong, badass woman that no man would ever hurt again.

But one Luke Bryan song on a clear Tuesday afternoon had her so torn up in shame, she almost forgot her best friend was standing beside her, her little “family” of a band and crew waiting for her back at the block of hotel rooms down the road.

She wasn’t in Pennsylvania. Neal wasn’t anywhere near her. But she could practically smell his cologne and the exhaust of his truck and the fact that there was a tiny part of her that truly still wished it had all worked out, that he’d been the happily ever after she’d wanted, and she wanted to slap herself silly for how stupid one smart girl could be.

“I think we can afford some Reese’s mix, right?” Ruby asked, already tossing two bags in the cart as they entered the self-checkout line.

“Yeah,” was all Emma could respond, her traitor brain still wavering between wishing for an alternate ending to her stupid, sad tale and coming totally clean to Ruby about what horrors she’d suffered and hitting the road with her on a revenge-fueled quest to keep that fucker from ever hurting another sweet, could-be-innocent girl ever again.

“Emma, you with me?” Ruby’s voice was hesitant, her eyes wide as she took in Emma’s likely ghost-pale complexion and battle-ready stance.

(She was always fighting those internal ghosts and damn could those things travel.)

But she didn’t want to think about Neal or the bruises long-healed or how she wishes she could time travel back and prevent the most painful part of what that monster had done to her, the part where for a pretty little minute she truly thought she’d loved him.

No. The past might be doing its damnedest to creep into today but she was not going to let it.

Fuck you, Luke Bryan, and all your pelvic sorcery.

“God, I hate this song,” Emma finally croaked out. “I think we should celebrate today.”

“Celebrate how much you hate a song that I’m fairly sure David would kill you for hating?”

“No, Rubes. Celebrate this,” Emma motioned all around them, somewhat erratically, only serving to further confuse Ruby. At least for a moment. “We’re really getting somewhere, aren’t we? I mean, three hotel rooms. That’s, like, a record. We’re getting somewhere. You and I, we came from some shit, right? And now we’re headed toward something good and I think we should celebrate.”

“And how exactly do you propose we celebrate this? Because if it’s by having a four-way with Graham and Killian I’m absolutely in, with just a couple ground rules – “

Emma cut off her teasing before her brain had enough time to make any visuals of that: “Ew. God, no. Why does your brain even go there? No. I just meant, you know, hitting some bars or the beach or something. Day drinking. It’s the ultimate in enjoyment and not giving a fuck.”

“So you’re suggesting we celebrate the good the same way we drown our sorrows in the bad?” Ruby mocked, tossing the groceries on the conveyor belt and a packet of mints at Emma’s head.

“No, you drink your sorrows in the dark. You drink your celebrations when the sun’s out,” Emma said like it was the most normal, accepted thing in the world, like she was reciting it from a code of conduct instead of having made it up on the spot to cover for the fact that she very much, one hundred percent was drowning her sorrows but just didn’t have the patience to wait for the sun to set.

“Sure, Ems. Let’s go with that.” Ruby clearly wasn’t buying her bullshit – she always did have an excellent bullshit detector – but she went along with it all the same.

Emma paid for the groceries and hefted as many bags to the car as she could possibly carry, the burn in her arms like the warmth of the sun as she flip-flopped her way to the awaiting van, a great day of drinking and forgettingahead of her.

The usual six of them turned into seven that day, Killian’s old buddy from the service having been stationed at the naval base in Norfolk and here for a visit. Will, that was his name, and he was a pain in the ass in the very best way. He had been matching her shot-for-shot in the hotel room before they hopped the Uber to The Cove, a beachside bar favored by locals and tourists alike. He would tease her and taunt her and buy her drinks, but with absolutely the energy of a brother and not a I’m looking to get into your pants kind of way.

David saw her as a sister, sure, but he tended toward the serious, the protective. He cared so much and knew too much, and it kept him from being totally lighthearted or even downright rude. And Graham, well he never paid Emma quite that much attention, always on his own quests and whatnot. She couldn’t blame the guy, and truly she didn’t usually want attention, but there was something about today, something about the casual nature of her exchanges with Will that allowed her to just be free.

Killian wasn’t quite on board, though. Ever since she and Ruby had floated the idea of some casual no-show-tonight fun, he’d been weirdly quiet. Mary Margaret and David were notably excited, seeming to view it as an opportunity for date night, even with the five other tagalongs. And Ruby was pretty much always up for a party.

But Killian seemed to be cranky at her and she couldn’t figure out why.

“Let loose, why don’t you, Jones!” Emma shouted across the bar, Killian nursing a rum and coke while Ruby, Will, and Emma had joined another group of probable-tourists in a limbo competition.

“Eh, let him sulk,” Will had suggested, stumbling a little after returning to the upright position. He was suspiciously good at the limbo. Maybe he’d been a gymnast in another life?

“I’ll get him, Em,” Ruby promised, having fallen flat on her ass after the last round (the responding ooooohhhhhhshaving more to do with her skirt riding up to her waist as she fell than it was about the fall itself).

Ruby had spent the next hour or so in the corner with Killian, both steadily drinking but never really coming to re-join the party. So Emma and Will kept socializing with strangers while Graham flirted hard with a pretty girl and Mary Margaret and David found another grossly into each other couple to apparently double date with, because of course they did.

After a few drinking games, a few messy dances, and definitely too much liquor for before 5pm, Emma finally took a break, she and Will sidling up to the bar and ordering some nachos.

“Y’know, you’re not nearly as pretty as Killian described you,” Will said after a few minutes of nacho-focused silence.

“Hey! I think you’re insulting me and I don’t appreciate it,” Emma responded, cheese dripping down the corner of her mouth.

“Way he talks, you’d think you were a bleeding fallen angel or something. I definitely didn’t expect a hot mess who talked with her mouth full.”

“Hah! You said hot. I still got it,” she joked, chomping down on another cheese and chili covered chip.

Emma had become pretty good at reading people – people tended to adapt after you suffering the consequences of falling for it – and Will definitely wasn’t flirting with her. At least not with actual intent. So why on earth had he brought up her looks?

She was happy to play along with whatever game he had going, was even feeling a little bolder and more confident than usual with his carefree attitude and his backward compliments.

But his next comment was the proverbial bucket of ice on any of those feelings.

“He’s a good man, Emma. I hope you don’t toy with him.”

“Excuse me?” What exactly was this fucker accusing her of? She hadn’t even talked to Killian since they’d been at the hotel and she certainly hadn’t been mean. No, even at her most prickly, she was never all-out mean to him. He was a good guy, the type to hold your hair when you puked and nearly the opposite of her initial assumptions about him. Of course she’d never ‘toy with him.’ The fucking nerve of this dude.

“I don’t think you know me enough to continue those thoughts, Scarlet,” she warned, shoving the nachos away and downing her fruity drink.

“Don’t get me wrong. I like you, Emma. You’d make a good mate. But I’m more like you than you realize, and I know how many people I hurt before I got myself straight. Just … keep that in mind, won’t ya?”

And then the bastard just… left.

He didn’t say goodbye to anyone – not even to Killian – and left Emma pissed as all hell and sitting alone at a tourist trap in the worst city in all of Virginia.

So much for that attempt at celebration.

But before her thoughts (and actions) could turn to the dark side, Graham and David were approaching her for a friendly tournament of darts and after a couple bulls eyes and a little light taunting, her carefree spirit had returned, just in time to kick Mary Margaret’s ass and move onto the championship game between her and Killian.

“So, that friend of yours is something,” Emma observed, tossing her first set of darts and landing them with soft thunks into the felt.

“Will? Aye. He’s… he’s been a friend for quite a long time. There for me for some pain. So I choose to keep his pain-in-the-ass existence around.” His tone was light and his words sincere, but there was a weight to his expression that Emma didn’t quite understand.

He took his turn, little glints in his eye and mini-fist pumps when he hit his intended target. It was adorable, to be honest. But there was definitely something wrong and despite Will’s seeming accusations about her and her abilities to be a good friend, she wanted nothing more than to take away whatever pain he was reliving at the moment.

So she lost – yes, intentionally – and dragged him to the bar, ordering him some straight whiskey to loosen him up and hopefully to help him forget like she already was.

“Why, Swan, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were trying to get me drunk,” he practically purred, breaking the flirty tone with a gentle boop to her nose. “Which is usually my tactic.”

“Easy, Captain,” she joked with him, fiddling with the prosthetic ‘hook’ contraption he wore when they went out (it’s a perfect beer holder, he’d said, to which she’d responded yeah, right, you just want to play pirate).

Despite the fog of the liquor, a few facts clicked into place. He’d suffered some bad shit in his past, shit Will apparently witnessed. Killian had also lost his hand, probably in the Navy. And this town, it wasn’t far from a navy base. Could that have been his navy base? Had they inadvertently brought Killian to the scene of the crime, so to speak?

The way she never wanted to go back to her ‘hometown,’ the place she’d lived the longest and suffered the most… what if that’s how he felt here? What if she’d suggested they celebrate over the grave of whatever and whoever he lost?

God, she was a hot mess and she was dangerous, the way she sank into her pain without looking into anyone else’s.

Before she could talk herself out of it, she wanted to apologize. Or something. “I’m sorry about this. Or, I guess, about whatever led to this. Or accompanied it. I’m just… I’m just sorry?”

“For the ungodly amount of liquor you’re pressuring me into drinking? Don’t worry, love, I’m a big boy.”

Ugh, the deflection. She knew that tactic well. “No, I mean this,” she said, gripping the elbow of his damaged arm. “I don’t know what happened and I’m not asking, but I just want you to know that I’m sorry. Not in the fault kind of way. Just the way where I wish it hadn’t happened and I know there’s pain and you didn’t deserve it. Or don’t. Currently. You know what I mean.”

“I think you’re drunk off your ass, darling.”

“Call me darling one more time and you’ll be the one on your ass.”

“So defensive, jeez,” he quipped, finishing another drink and slamming the glass back down on the table, his face melting into something a little more serious, if only for a moment. “Thank you, Swan,” he said finally, cupping her cheek with his right hand.

Her heart about stopped as his eyes bored into hers. It was much too much, the closeness, the feel of his hand, the heat of his body, the truth in his eyes, and all she wanted was to go back to teasing and laughing and strangers who didn’t have feelings or at least didn’t share them with her and why did she even bring it up, anyway? Just because Will had made her feel bad? Why shouldn’t they drink away their pain if it quieted the demons for one blessed day? Why should we have to suffer the same memories over and over when instead we could just fucking let go.

She should have just stuck to letting go.

But his intense sincerity washed away in a blink, his flirty near-pirate persona back with a vengeance. “Now, Swan, what game shall I best you at next?” His gentle caress on her cheek turned into a full grip, his fingers scrunching her face almost comically.

“Name it, Jones. You’re on.”

Turns out their little crew had signed them all up for a cornhole tournament out on the sand and Graham had called dibs on Emma as a partner, for which she was thankful. He was pretty boss at all bar games, and she had a competitive streak even without her BAC being higher than her high school GPA.

But get her drunk and she’d pretty much lie, cheat, and steal her way to bragging rights on whatever silly game they were playing.

So of course she and Graham had made it to the finals, their opponents two bikini-clad college girls who could trash talk like no other.

Which is why Emma was totally fine with the little plot she had brewing in her head.

“Graham, we need distractions here.”

“What do you mean, like have Mary Margaret set something on fire again?”

“Oh, come on. Pretty girls. Fun, happy, drunk, pretty girls. I saw them ogling you earlier so they’re probably straight. Take your shirt off. Now!”

“I always said I’d reject your advances when you inevitably tried to get me naked, Swan, but you drive a hard bargain.”

Emma rolled her eyes, but Graham did as instructed, stretching lazily and pantomiming sweat before pulling at the neck of his t-shirt and whisking it over his head.

The girls missed their next shots, and Graham had the chance to win it with this last toss and Emma was ready to bust out her victory dance just a tad prematurely.

Until the brunette untied her bikini top and let the fabric fall to her waist just as Graham was taking his shot.

He missed, of course.

Damn, these girls were good.

“Can I be of assistance?” a husky voice offered, his breath ticking her ear lobe.

Killian, of course.

“What exactly can you offer, Jones?” Graham swooped in to ask, clearly annoyed that his bare chest hadn’t yet won them the game.

“Well, Graham, Emma here assures me that you’re one ‘fine specimen of man’ but sadly to those girls you’re all talk and no action, across the beach from them, separated by this very game. I think they need something a little more… tactile.”

Killian was over-confident when he was drinking, but it’s not as if he were wrong. If she were one of those girls and Killian came up to her, with his sultry accent and his maddening smirk and the way he’d run his fingers through her long hair…

Yeah, it would work. Definitely. Yup.

“Go for it, Jones, but don’t come crying to us if they don’t take to your charms the way you want them to,” Emma warned, rolling her eyes and banishing all inappropriate thoughts of Killian Jones to the dark recesses of her mind with her knowledge of calculus and the memory of that time she walked in on Mary Margaret sucking David off in their shared kitchen back in Pittsburgh.

Killians voice alone proved distracting enough for the blonde girl to miss her shot and Graham, his ego now challenged, sank his with ease.

Emma cheered far too loud and leaped into Graham’s arms, her legs around his waist, Ruby rushing up to high five them and pass along a few more shots to keep the day rolling.

By the time the sun sank behind the bar, the ocean in front of them streaked with the deep blues and purples of twilight, Emma was well past drunk and definitely no longer thinking of any painful backstories or traumas or anything, really, but the cinnamon burn of the Fireball and the feel of Killian’s arm around her as they walked down a set of stairs to a fire pit so much like those that she’d built on the banks of the Allegheny and yet so different, the smell of the salt of the ocean and the leather of Killian’s jacket keeping her brain from connecting the present to the past.

“Jones, haven’t you ever heard you’re supposed to keep your hands to yourself in the presence of a lady?” she teased, wiggling her shoulders where he was grasping her.

“Aye, but I see no ladies here!” He chuckled and she elbowed him and he bowed his head to her ear as they stepped down the last stair. “Besides, love, what if you’d fallen and no one was there to save you?”

She rolled her eyes again, shrugging off his support now that there was no excuse for it, solid ground beneath their feet. “Oh, I’m a loud screamer. Someone would have come for me.”

“Oh, how I’d like to experience both of those things for myself…” Killian groaned, his mind of course solidly in the gutter.

Emma just laughed it off and stumbled toward the fire, joining Mary Margaret and David on a log clearly only meant for two.

Tomorrow was going to be hell, definitely more than just the echo of a hangover. But they had hotel rooms and each other and now and really those things alone made every minute of tomorrow’s inevitable headache more worth it than she could ever have fathomed in any stage of her life before this one.

[thefloatingstone]

Let’s Play Recs

Instead of focusing on bitter, vitriolic let’s players on youtube, I’m gonna instead recommend some Let’s players who are really awsome nice people and whose content is mostly positive or, at the very least, if the game is bad then them playing it is directed at the bad game and nothing else. Let’s Players who pay attention to the game, who don’t make a ton of extremely sexual jokes, and who genuinely seem to enjoy what they do. Even on bad days.

These are good people and great content and I recommend them. A lot of these have a “main” channel where they review games in edited videos which I ALSO recommend, but for this list I’m gonna recommend Let’s Play channels as possible alternatives.

1: PBG Gameplay

PBG and his buddy Jeff (aka Spacehamster) have a gameplay series called PBG and Jeff. It’s unique because it’s a very PG rated gameplay series... in a way where I didn’t even notice until someone brought it up. They don’t swear, the don’t make lewd jokes, they just play games and have fun.

However the best thing imo on their channel is the infrequent Hardcore series.

The premise is simple. PBG, usually Jeff (maybe always Jeff?) and about 4 or 5 other people get together in either Minecraft or Terraria with a goal to slay a certain boss. The catch is, if anyone dies during the adventure, they are dead for good and no longer in the game. It’s a super intense series and extremely fun! You both look forward and dread people getting killed (usually thanks to bad luck or them not noticing a tiny detail until its too late) and with each death is the knowledge that the “final” boss is gonna be all the harder to beat.

They’ve actually won several times... but they’ve also lost several times...

I absolutely recommend it. I myself don’t care about Erraria or minecraft as games and this is some of my favourite stuff.

They JUST finished their third Terraria hardcore. You can decide whichever one you want to watch first, but in the later series they do spoil earlier series. So you’ll just have to decide. The most recent Terraria was VERY good though. Although I could also recommend their most recent Minecraft Hardcore series as well.

PBG has said a new series of hardcore will be starting very soon, and I 100% recommend watching it as it happens because it’s a wild ride to watch as its released!

2: Brutal Moose and Moose2

Ian has a dedicated Channel where he reviews... basically whatever the heck he wants X’D He’s super fun because his focus tends to be what he enjoys, namely, CD-Rom games from the 90s and edutainment games from around that time as well.

I recommend his video on Restaurant Empire II which is funnier than it has any right to be.

He’s also recently started doing a series called Televoid which I recommend. It’s bizarre and makes you uncomfortable in a good way XD talking about old PSAs and weird tv shows from the 50s and 60s.

But we’re here to talk about gameplay. On his second channel, Moose2, Ian archives his streams. Each video is at least 3 hours long and is an archive of him just playing whatever he wants with a livechat joining him.

It is probably the most chill Let’s Play stuff you’ll ever watch. ian is by nature a really shilled out person, and never sees a reason to hide what he likes. So there is not a hint of irony or “we’re doing this for the lols” type of gameplay.

I’m currently enjoying his Animal Crossing game. But he also plays a 90s version of Wheel of Fortune, any of the Mario Parties before 8 (because of Copyright) as well as things like hidden object games and Nancy Drew.

It’s honestly the most relaxing background noise you could have while you work/draw/whatever.

3: Video Games Awesome!

I love this channel XD This was probably the first Let’s Play Channel I started watching way back in like... 2011? 2012 maybe?

Video games Awesome is run by Fraser and his long-time girlfriend Becky, sometimes joined by their friends Kyle, Ben and Deacon.

They play... whatever they want XD mostly newer stuff. Their setup is unique as its them on the couch on the left of the screen, the game on the right, and blow that the live chat.

They’re fun because of Frash and Becky who are just enjoyable to watch. Frash enjoys being a lighthearted troll sometimes, but it never comes across as him being an asshole. More like “Oh Frash! You scoundrel!” and Becky is super chilled out and comes across as very sweet and a very good balance to him.

They are always super invested in what they play, even if the game is bad. They like discussing why the game is bad as they complain about it, but most of the time they enjoy playing good games, complimenting on why the game is good, and just making jokes and having fun.

I recommend their playthrough of Deadly Premonition, a game which is very love it or hate it. And in the VGA crew REALLY like this game. They will make fun of the weird/silly moments and joke around with bizarre game decisions and get frustrated with bad controls, but they genuinely enjoy the game and had a great time playing it.

They also do the Phoenix Wright games complete with silly voices and I ABSOLUTELY recommend that.

As well as their playthrough of Heavy Rain which they liked a lot.

And for something newer, they recently played and enjoyed Little Nightmares.

4: Lastly, I’ll recommend TFS Gaming

If you know Team Four Star you probably know them from DBZ abridged, but they have a second channel where they do let’s Plays as well. I haven’t watched a lot of them because their content can be loud and frantic XD which is fun for the right game! But difficult to work to while I’m drawing.

They tend to either have facecam of them sitting on the couch playing, or no facecam at all depending on what they’re playing.

They also play whatever they want.

Honestly, if you want some REALLY funny voice actors playing games and being silly all at once these are great! And probably some of the funniest content as they’re all amazing at improv.

I recommend their short playthrough of the TERRIBLE Star Wars Episode 1 playstation game which soon devolved into complete madness

Their recent playthrough of the telltale Batman game where they just took no shit from any of the characters and enjoyed playing as Bruce Wayne much more than Batman

And their recent Pokemon Moon Nuzlocke

(I couldn’t find a gif. Sorry)

Anyway, hopefully that gives us all some more positive youtubers to watch who have a good time (or sometimes don’t) and are positive and upbeat. <3

“C-Puff, why do you watch so much youtube?”

I don’t have tv.

[russellthornton]

Dirty Things to Say to a Guy: 25 Creative and Sexy Sext Messages

Whether in a relationship for years or just starting out, sexting your boyfriend is a fun way to get spicy! Here are the best dirty things to say to a guy.

Sexting has been around for a while now, but some of us have yet to take the plunge. If you are looking for new ways to turn on your partner and get them all hot and heavy under the collar, sexting could be a winner! Many people who want to try sexting for the first time get a little put off because they don’t know the right kind of dirty things to say to a guy.

Of course, the permanence of sending a sexy text to someone else is also a little nerve racking. However, if you are in a relationship with someone you trust, there is no reason why sexting can’t be anything from light-hearted and fun to a full blown-steamy conversation that leads to you both ripping one another’s clothes off the next time you see each other. [Read: 30 hot sexting examples to start a naughty sext marathon]

25 dirty things to say to a guy and arouse him

So if you are a sexting newbie, or perhaps you’re an old hand and merely looking for new ideas, why not try these dirty things to say to a guy and see just what a difference it makes when it comes to injecting a little bit of passion back into your relationship?

#1 I had a dream about you last night. This is fun and playful. Your man will be able to see where it is going but it also gives them an excuse to opt out if they are not feeling so in the mood without you feeling silly. If they respond well, then make sure your dream was a hot one! [Read: 12 super-steamy sexting tips to turn a guy on instantly]

#2 What are you wearing? This is an age old classic chat up line, so if you send it to your crush, they’ll know you mean business. Hopefully, they’ll respond with something sexy and then you can let the games begin. [Read: 40 flirty questions to ask a guy and leave him thinking of you]

#3 What are you doing right now? Starting off with something simple is flirty, but it doesn’t have to lead anywhere if you don’t want. It’s a good way to see if they are in a flirty mood, you can judge by their response as to whether you should take it further.

#4 I have been thinking about you all day. This can be interpreted as cute and romantic or as a subtle hint to turn the conversation towards more explicit thoughts. This one is an excellent way to start if you are feeling a little nervous!

#5 If I were with you right now what would you want to do to me? This is a perfect sext to get the ball rolling. It opens up the conversation allowing him to respond accordingly. If they reply with something super filthy, you’ll know they are into it too and can take it from there! [Read: 20 sexiest texts to send a guy and seduce him]

#6 Sucking on a lollipop and thinking of you. This one kind of speaks for itself!

#7 Lying in bed and bored, want to come over and change that? This is a great way to start a sext conversation. Even if he can’t come over, he’ll have that image of you in bed going round in his head all day!

#8 I’m horny right now. Plain and simple, you can’t be much more direct than that!

#9 Listening to this *insert song with dirty lyrics* and it’s making me think of you. This is a fun sext to send. He might not know the song so will have to search for it to find out what you mean. Maybe he’ll reply with an equally sexy song and say that he’s thinking about you too!

#10 What you did to me last night is making me wet just remembering it. This is a pretty horny sext to send and perfect if you got down to some action the night before. Sending this will make him remember it too and get you both geared up for round two!

#11 I am touching myself and thinking of you. There is nothing quite like knowing how much you turn someone on, so this always goes down a treat. [Read: 35 texts to make him hard and crave your touch]

#12 Just out of the shower. Again this one is ideal for beginner sexters! You are playing with their imagination and  turning them on with just the simple image of you hot and wet!

#13 Have I told you how sexy I find you? Paying your partner a compliment is always great, and if you want to start a sext conversation, this is a good opener.

#14 I have a surprise for you later. This is mysterious and intriguing and is sure to have them responding. Desperate to find out just what you have in store!

#15 I want you now. Another simple and direct approach, you can’t go wrong! [Read: The sexiest ways to talk dirty over text and turn a guy on]

#16 I can’t wait until you get home later. I am going to tear your clothes right off. This builds up anticipation. Telling your boyfriend exactly what you are going to do to him later is a serious turn on.

#17 You. Me. Naked. Tonight.  No questions asked, no need to reply. Just a simple statement like this can get him all hot and bothered and desperate for the day to end!

#18 Good morning. I am not wearing any panties today. Just thought you should know. This is one of those dirty things to say to a guy that works particularly well if you work together, or even if you are just chilling at home. Knowing that you aren’t wearing underwear will drive him wild with desire! [Read: 20 reasons a good morning text is so important]

#19 I want to act out your wildest fantasy. Just tell me what it is. Letting your man know you are up for any crazy, dirty, hot fantasies they have is going to go down well!

#20 Let’s call in sick and stay in bed all day. A suggestion surely no one can refuse!

#21 When I see you later we are going straight to the bedroom. Again, this is a great one to send if your partner is out for the day or you are planning to meet up later.

#22 Bring whipped cream. This is a fun and flirty text that lets them know exactly what they are in store for later! [Read: How to talk dirty to a guy and sound really sexy]

#23 I’m touching myself right now, wish you were here with me. Building up a hot mental image will leaving your man feeling super horny!

#24 I’m picturing you naked right now – it’s making me horny. Again you are giving a sexy compliment that is sure to turn him on and make him want to get naked in front of you again and again!

#25 You’re so sexy it takes my breath away. Guys and girls alike both love this. It will give them confidence and make them want to show you exactly how sexy they can be! [Read: 20 compliments your man will be dying to hear]

Some other tips to master the art of saying dirty things to a guy

Emojis

Emoji can be great if you want to keep your sexts lighthearted and cheeky, though use them sparingly if you are getting down to the seriously dirty chat.

Time and place

Make sure it’s the right time to sext. If you’ve just had a fight, your boyfriend is in a bad mood, or their cat’s just died, you might not get the response you were hoping for!

Make sure you have the right number!

Double, triple, quadruple check you are sending your sext to the correct number. Particularly if Dan, your boyfriend, sits in your phone book next to Dad! [Read: 10 biggest sexting rules you shouldn’t ignore]

Don’t do anything you are uncomfortable with

Sexting is all about getting turned on and having fun with your partner. When you’re thinking of dirty things to say to a guy, but if the conversation goes somewhere you feel uncomfortable, gently steer it back. If they ask for dirty pics etc. only send them if you completely trust the person and you actually want to!

Also, don’t make promises you don’t want to keep. It’s all well and good telling your boyfriend you are going to tear their clothes off when they walk through the door. But if they come home to find you slobbing out in a tracksuit and shoving last night’s cold pizza into your face they might be less than impressed!

[Read: Go flirty or dirty with steamy sexts for your man]

If you’re not sure of the right kind of dirty things to say to a guy to excite him, why not give some of the examples above a go? Sexting done right can be flirty, hot, and super fun while adding an extra spark to your relationship too!

The post Dirty Things to Say to a Guy: 25 Creative and Sexy Sext Messages is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.