#he is rarely allowed to feel a lasting negative emotion

[robbyykeene]

Potentially unpopular opinion, but I love that Miguel was an asshole again in the second part of this season! It’s a reminder that he’s a character and not just Johnny’s main support. I mean Robby didn’t deserve it at all, but it makes sense that Miguel couldn’t help taking his anger out on him. And I love that Johnny was on the receiving end of it, because it feels like the tension between them just went away for no reason.

Sorry if I’m bothering you!

You’re never bothering me, and I completely agree! They so rarely give Miguel any narrative agency these days, and like Johnny all it does is reduce him as a character. Miguel is a whole, complicated, messy teenager. He isn’t a saint. He isn’t perfect. He makes mistakes and has ugly unfair feelings sometimes, like every single teenager does. And I love when this show actually lets him be like this, lets him be wrong, lets him be a little bit of a dick to the people he cares about who don’t deserve it. Lets him be a real person with actual human feelings. And then also lets him take accountability for what he does wrong, apologize, show how much he’s grown, that he is a good person and a good friend. I love it truly, and it feels like it’s something that in a lot of ways hasn’t really been granted to Miguel since he fell off that balcony.

[666writingcafe]

Jealousy?

MC

"Would you mind answering a question for me?" Barbatos asks me once we've exchanged pleasantries and settled down in the parlor.

"Depends on the question." A faint smile crosses his lips.

"I was just wondering how you could choose to associate yourself with Solomon." The irritation in his voice is rather evident, and I'm reminded of the staredown the two men engaged in a couple days ago.

"What do you have against him?" I sound a bit too defensive for my liking. I'm not trying to pick a fight with Barbatos; I simply want to know why he seems to detest the sorcerer so much.

He sighs before replying,

"Perhaps the version of Solomon that accompanied you here has cleaned up his act--and good for him if he has--but the one I know is fiendish, a blight upon the world, and destruction incarnate. He throws anyone he can under the bus if it meant avoiding trouble for himself. Being here for an extended period of time may cause your sorcerer to revert back to old habits, and I don't want to see you get hurt."

"Why? You hardly know me."

"You're right." He pauses. "I'm not sure, really. I mean, you seem like a good, honest person, but what do I know? Maybe you're just as bad as him, and I shouldn't have even bothered taking you under my wing." While coming from a practical place, his words do sting.

"And yet you did." Barbatos sighs again.

"And yet I did," he repeats, taking a sip of his tea. "The decision came from a gut feeling I had, and those rarely fail me. I just hope that you don't prove me wrong."

My turn to drink some tea.

I'm not used to Barbatos being this open about his emotions, especially while he's on duty. Perhaps time has granted him the ability to remain calm and composed when he's on the clock, but still. It'll be a bit before I get used to this particular attitude of his.

"Are you ready for your first lesson?" he asks, pulling me out of my head and back to the present moment. It takes me a second to remember exactly why I'm over at the castle today in the first place, but once I do, I quickly nod my head.

"Good. We'll start with a fairly basic anatomy topic: pheromones." Interesting place to start. Is he finally going to let me ask the question I had about Lucifer?

"In a lot of ways, demons bear a closer resemblance to animals than to humans," he continues. "While their strength in the latter is fairly minimal, the former uses them as a effective method of communication. Our pheromones can tell others what we're feeling as well as mark our territory, among other things.

"Demons have a baseline scent that's present no matter what they do. For example, I smell like mint, and Lord Diavolo like old leather. Different pheromones will bring out specific notes of the baseline scent. Positive emotions tend to make it sweeter, while negative emotions bring out its bitter and sour side. If those emotions are tied to one of the seven sins, then the scent becomes more potent, sometimes to the point of being nauseating to anyone that happens to catch a whiff.

"Am I making sense to you so far?" I nod my head. I don't have any questions yet, but I have a feeling that even if I did, Barbatos wouldn't let me ask any of them just yet.

"Now, Lucifer and his brothers have stayed in the castle for the last couple months, and in that time, I've picked up on all of their scents. Lucifer had one of the more pungent ones. Understandably so, since he's probably the most emotionally scarred from the war, but it got to the point where I couldn't be around him for longer than a few minutes. And making some of my favorite dishes proved to be impossible after a while, for even the smallest amount of nutmeg would make my stomach turn.

"But the moment you returned his credit card to him, Lucifer's scent noticeably shifted. For once, he actually smelled pleasant. And then it became stronger. By the time he left my side, I was craving a giant slice of coffee cake." At this point, he stops talking, allowing me to finally speak.

"So, you're telling me that my simple nice gesture was enough to turn him on?"

"It would appear that way, yes." Unbelievable. "If I pointed it out at the time, though, Solomon probably would have run after Lucifer to tease him about it, and that would most definitely piss Lucifer off. Plus, he would adamantly denied feeling that way at all, and given his initial behavior towards you, I didn't want to see you upset by him completely disregarding your kindness."

As I mull over Barbatos' words, I'm suddenly reminded of a specific moment. One where Lucifer had his mouth covered with a handkerchief, looking like he was about to throw up.

I wonder...

"If it's not too much trouble, would you mind telling me what I smell like?" I ask, causing Barbatos to smile.

"Not at all. In fact, I was just getting ready to ask you if you wanted to know, so this works out great." He sets his tea down on a nearby table and gets up, walking around and stopping behind the chair I'm sitting in. I momentarily feel part of his face on top of my head as he audibly sniffs. I'm sure that if someone walked past us right now, they'd be weirded out by what they saw.

Or maybe not. I don't know if intentionally smelling someone like this is standard demon behavior. Maybe it is, and I'm overthinking it.

"Vanilla buttercream frosting," Barbatos announces. Somehow, that doesn't surprise me. It at least explains a few things, if nothing else. Frosting can get overwhelmingly sweet.

"That might actually work," he mutters to himself as he sits back down.

"What would?" Barbatos finishes his tea before clasping his hands in front of him.

"There's a creature on the grounds that needs tamed. He's both ferocious and extremely dangerous, so Lord Diavolo had me put a spell on him to prevent anyone from coming into contact with him. If I told you how to undo the spell, would you like to take a stab at it?"

"What makes you think I'd be successful?"

"You don't smell threatening."

"No; I smell like a goddamn dessert. The creature will probably think I'm food and try to eat me."

"And if that's the case, I'll bail you out." He pauses. "There are creatures like this one that are very selective about who they will submit to, and I believe that you fit this particular one's criteria. Plus, you'll earn the title "Ruler of the Underworld", and you can use that as a way to get people to quit treating the brothers like shit." I find myself snorting in amusement.

"Like a mere title is going to make people change their entire ideology."

"People can think whatever they like. They just have to learn to keep some of those thoughts to themselves or else face severe consequences." The grin on his face is lowkey terrifying. I don't know if I want to be on the wrong end of that smile.

So, I end up agreeing to take on the responsibility of taming this creature.

Taglist: @lost-in-time-wanderer, @fuzztacular, @dianedancer18, @sweetbrier2908, @flare-love, @completelyshatteredbrokenmschf, @thunderlightning351, @l3v1chan, @anxious-chick, @5mary5, @expressionless-fr

[magicalcelestialgem]

Ref sheet of CatNap in my TPoJ AU! Info below!

Gender: Male

Species: Domestic Cat

Breed: Domestic short-haired cat (mixed breed)

Forms: Normal (you’re here), Protector, Monster (hallucination)

-------------

Parents: KnittyKitty (mother), Allen Alleycat (father)

Siblings: Catty Catwalk (older sister), FunnyFeline (younger brother), PrettyPurry (younger sister/youngest sibling)

Crush: DogDay

Friends: The Smiling Critters (Bubba Bubbaphant, KickinChicken, Bobby BearHug, CraftyCorn, Hoppy Hopscotch, PickyPiggy)

--------------

Personality

CatNap, as mentioned in the ref, is very quiet. He almost never talks or socializes with anyone. He is also introverted and is often seen alone, hanging around in trees or in the shade. But even though he likes to be alone, he enjoys hanging out with his friends more often. He’s even more talkative and social to them, especially DogDay (his first friend). But around strangers, he is often the quiet guy, only talking after someone starts the conversation. When he is around DogDay, however, he is not afraid to show PDA (public display of affection) to him. He rubs on DogDay like a cat, shares food with him, and even allows himself to get head pets from DogDay. He acts like this around DogDay (and only DogDay) because of his crush on him and also because DogDay is his best friend. He is also pretty overprotective of DogDay and can get jealous, but not too much. Overall, CatNap is a chill guy… most of the time.

-----------------

Other facts:

-CatNap has many catlike mannerisms. Not only does he meow, trill, and purr, he can land on his feet (and hands), sit and sleep anywhere he fits (like a box), and even chatter.

These mannerisms also include sitting on DogDay’s lap (and not caring if anyone’s looking), cat body language, and that need to scratch his claws on something.

-CatNap rarely breathes out his red gas scent, but he does end up breathing it out when he has ill intentions, feels negative emotions (including stress), or as a last resort when lavender gas is not helping his friends sleep. 

Him being requested to breathe the red gas instead of lavender for sleep is very rare, especially since inhaling too much can cause hallucinations and nightmares.

-CatNap, like any cat, has a good sense of smell. He can smell who touched who.

[batbeato]

My partner keeps telling me to go on Tumblr whenever I launch one of my 20-10000 minute ramble-rants about Umineko at them so here I am AGAIN

Something that a lot of people love about Umineko (and I do too!) is how much Umineko centers its female characters: Umineko focuses a lot on the rich inner lives and emotions of these women, all of whom have been negatively impacted by ideals of submissive feminism and the needs of the patriarchy.

In general, in Umineko, there's this phenomenon that I don't often see elsewhere, where male characters' emotions and feelings are treated as less important, less interesting, etc. than female characters' are. This is interesting to me, and I think it makes sense - in many spaces and works, female characters are treated as caricatures - they are tragic dead mothers, loving wives, sexy girlbosses who secretly have a soft spot for the protagonist, etc. It's only par for the course that in a work where female characters are so celebrated and explored, it is male characters who suffer the fate of being reduced to more base qualities and have their feelings and emotions brushed off or waved over.

Umineko takes the concept of the absent dead wife, mother, lover and turns them into these complex, unknown ghosts who haunt the story: Kinzo's wife, Bice, Kuwatrice, Asumu. These are all female characters central to various plot points and aspects of the story, including thematic ones, but these women are very rarely, if at all, given space to truly express their inner thoughts. This is in contrast to the Ushiromiya women (Eva, Kyrie, Rosa, Natsuhi) who are so often able to express their innermost thoughts in these long, emotional sequences. Umineko doesn't allow space for these women to be caricatures, but instead seems to make space for them to be characters we simply don't have enough information on.

I think Asumu is the best example of this: she is a character with very little actual voice in the main story. Rudolf theorizes that she knew about Battler's true parentage and raised him with love regardless, but also worries that her death was due to his lies and infidelity. Her cause of death is never revealed. Kyrie talks about Asumu as a smart woman who played dumb and innocent to steal Rudolf from her, and there is the distinct concept that if Asumu hadn't died of Cause X, Kyrie would have killed her soon after. Battler sees Asumu as an uncomplicated, loving mother. And then, when Ryukishi released Last Note, we saw this different side of Asumu - an arrogant, jealous woman who took pride in her skill at puzzles and believed that she could have saved everyone, but also still a loving mother who loves her son, and even accepts her son's half-sister, Ange, in the end. Never a caricature, always cast in shadow, but with depths beneath.

But back to what I mentioned before - male characters being treated as those flanderized, flatter caricatures, with their feelings brushed off. It's very interesting to me, because it's not even just a case of male characters simply not having the screentime - they do. Battler and Kinzo get the most of it, but George also receives plenty of discussion as well.

Battler and George, however, are the male characters who I see the most flanderization of. Battler is a pathetic crying malewife twink bottom. George is a child predator who grooms Shannon.

George is a man who was raised by a hovering, overprotective mother with ridiculous expectations of him. She made him study every day and tried to instill values befitting of the power and status she hoped he would someday have into him. However, he saw how Battler, who was meant to be 'inferior' to him, getting along better with girls - even the one he liked - and grew jealous. His relationship with Shannon began because of this, but it also helped him to understand his own flaws, and he tried to change himself. Coming from a place of privilege, this is a difficult task. He also truly loved Shannon, even though he sometimes had a patronizing view of her due to his own instilled biases, and was even willing to go against his family for her. He isn't a perfect person, but he was attempting to change and grow.

Battler is a man with a deep empathy for others and is overly emotional at times - a trait I think is unfairly made fun of, given how men showing emotion is often portrayed as unmasculine, feminine, and shameful. He has a strong sense of right and wrong, and though clumsy and foolish at times, does his best to help others. He was raised by his grandparents for 6 years, so he is somewhat divorced from the privilege he now once again holds as a member of the Ushiromiya family, and makes mistakes because of that. He makes a lot of sexual jokes, but it's implied that this is due to being socially awkward after reuniting with the family he hasn't seen in six years. It's very difficult for him to truly despise someone, but once his trust is broken, even if he still loves them, it can be very hard to earn that trust back.

...I don't think the fandom needs to focus more on the male characters, per say. No one should be told they need to focus more on X than Y because enjoying X is more ethical, progressive, fair, etc. etc. But I would like to see people at least acknowledging the complexity of the male characters in Umineko more. The malewife Battler jokes are funny, I admit, but I'm tired of the child predator George jokes. Can we please leave people who ship Shannon and George alone? At this point, I'm beginning to worry about if they're alright... seeing a lot of hate for something they love can't be pleasant.

It's a general trend I see - liking a male character means you need to prioritize female characters more. Liking a het ship means you need to make it gay, or appreciate gay ships more. If a bisexual character dates someone of the opposite sex, this is bi erasure or erasing queer representation. But it's alright to like male characters, het ships, bisexual characters in het relationships, and so on. What isn't alright are the biases that are keeping queer media from receiving as much publicity, as much funding. What isn't alright are the biases that give male characters much more complex writing than female characters in many pieces of media. We as consumers can examine these things in the production and text of the works we enjoy, but I think there is too much focus on this ethical consumption of media.

...And that's how we end up making child predator George jokes - to reconcile the existence of a flawed, nuanced male character (who can and should be criticized of course) with the fact that Umineko is such a woman-central media. Umineko needs to be one of the 'good ones', the 'ethical ones'. So the male characters must be reduced to jokes, to one-liners. It is an overcorrection on a fandom level to reconcile with a society level issue, one that can harm fans of those characters and introduce toxicity to a place that should be about sharing love for a small universe we all enjoy.

(Whoops. This is why my partner told me to go on tumblr, huh?)

[cyllres]

Devil | JJK x Makima! Reader

a gift to those who are loyal

#3 - a deal with the devil

The moment she died, her last thoughts were consumed with an overwhelming grief. She knew she would never again be there to protect her little brother, Ryo. Her precious Ryo, who everybody else saw as a monster—a living curse. They couldn’t see what she saw in him: the innocence, the pure heart hidden beneath the label of a cursed being. She refused to let the world hurt him, refused to let Ryo believe that his very existence was a curse.

Determined to protect him even in death, she decided to make a deal, a desperate gamble with forces far beyond her control. She had always known how dangerous it was to trust the very beings that thrive on chaos and suffering. Yet, when she encountered that lonely devil, an entity as isolated and misunderstood as her brother, she saw an opportunity.

This devil, a being who had never known the warmth of family, yearned for companionship as deeply as she yearned to safeguard Ryo. In a moment of shared understanding, she proposed a deal—a deal where both their wishes could come true.

Her offer was simple but binding: the devil’s wish for a family would be fulfilled, but in return, it would protect her younger brother. Her words were laced with a rare vulnerability as she explained the condition. She would offer herself as part of this newfound deal,'no, not as a companion , but a pawn or medium the devil could use to get what the devil wants’. She offers not only her entire soul and body but also her life up to the next reincarnation. In exchange, the devil would ensure Ryo's safety, shielding him from the world's cruelties and allowing him to live without the burden of fear, without the threats of getting hurted.

The devil, intrigued by the prospect of finding a semblance of family, agreed. And so, as her soul intertwined with the devil's, she felt a fleeting moment of peace. Even in death, she had found a way to protect Ryo, ensuring that he would never have to face the world alone.

This pact, born out of desperation and love, was sealed with a promise. But the devil sure has twisted ways of fulfilling her wishes.

The cruel devil, with its powers, fulfilled the little girl’s wish by making her little brother as strong as the amount of people who loathed his existence. As the devil's magic took hold, a dark aura began to envelop the drowning boy, flickering and pulsating like a living shadow. His eyes turned a deep crimson, reflecting the hatred and disdain of those who despised him, tattoos began to litter his bruised and battered skin. Every negative emotion directed at him surged through his veins, fueling his strength and amplifying his power.

The transformation was both awe-inspiring and terrifying. The boy's once frail frame grew muscular, his skin hardened to an almost impenetrable armor. Veins of black energy coursed across his body, a visual testament to the malevolence that now powered him. He clenched his fists, feeling the newfound strength.

Every whispered insult, every scornful glance, every malicious thought directed at him from across the world now served as an inexhaustible wellspring of power. The more people hated him, the stronger he became, an unending cycle of loathing and empowerment. The boy, now a living embodiment of their hatred, stood ready and angry, ready to face any challenge, and angry for his older sister's death. His power grows with every passing second.

At the tender age of five, she understood a truth that most would never grasp in a lifetime: she had become a mother. Not in the traditional sense, but in a way that demanded a maturity far beyond her years. Her little brother, Ryo, with his innocent eyes and unspoken fears, depended on her for everything. The world saw Ryo as a monster, a curse, but she saw only the fragile, vulnerable child who needed her protection.

In those early years, the weight of responsibility settled heavily on her small shoulders. Other children played and laughed without a care, but she was different. She never knew the freedom of being called a little girl who could run to someone else for comfort. Instead, she was forced into a role that demanded strength and resilience beyond her age—a mother in every sense but name.

At the young age of eleven, she faced the end of her short yet profoundly burdened life. The pain was excruciating, but what hurt more was the thought of leaving Ryo behind. As darkness closed in, memories flashed before her eyes—moments spent comforting him, shielding him from a world that saw him as nothing more than a curse. She had always been his protector, his silent guardian in a world filled with shadows.

In her final moments, she found herself standing at the crossroads between life and death. The prospect of never seeing Ryo again was a jagged knife in her heart, but her resolve did not waver. She had one last act of love to perform: a deal that would ensure Ryo's safety long after she was gone.

She was scared of what Ryo has become but she knows it is the only way.

As her spirit faded into the unknown, she felt a strange warmth—a comforting presence that she hoped was a sign that Ryo would never be alone. In her final moments, there was a sense of victory. She had faced the darkness, made a deal with a devil, and ensured that her beloved brother would be safe. It was the ultimate act of love and sacrifice, and for that, she had no regrets.

With that F/n L/n ceased to exist, her whole entirety surrendered to the devil, her essence merging with it. In that same instant, a transformation occurred—the birth of Ryoumen Sukuna, the cursed.

[misstrashchan]

"This must be really hard on her too"

That line... has been forever stuck on a loop in my head ever since I first heard it. That it's the last thing they say, that they take away about Ruby as a person in that scene. Especially while watching V9, and just how much everything has been weighing down on Ruby, and her tendency to repress her negative emotions and refuse to take time to let herself feel them and reflect is now being unpacked and examined much closer as the Ever After functions in such a way that she will literally get nowhere unless she looks inside herself, this scene has again been swimming to the surface of my mind, and it's just something I feel like revisiting.

(also it's rg white day today so, I'm legally allowed to be insufferable about Them, though this is in part relevant to V9 in regards to Ruby)

Most other people who have met and know Ruby just kind of accept that she is who she is, or very quickly come to. She's The Hero. The Leader. The Spark Of Hope Everyone is Inspired By. We rarely see her talk about her personal feelings and motivations, and it's never really called into question besides being touched upon briefly in her first meeting with Ozpin and Blake in the first volume about why she wants to be a huntress:

Ozpin: And what is an adorable girl such as yourself doing at a school designed to train warriors?

Ruby: Well... I want to be a Huntress.

Ozpin: You want to slay monsters?

Ruby: Yeah! I only have two more years of training left at Signal! And then I'm going to apply to Beacon! You see, my sister's starting there this year, and she's trying to become a Huntress, and I'm trying to become a Huntress 'cause I wanna help people. My parents always taught us to help others, so I thought, Hey, I might as well make a career out of it!

(1x01)

Ruby: I love books. Yang used to read to me every night before bed. Stories of heroes and monsters... They're one of the reasons I want to be a Huntress!

Blake: And why is that? Hoping you'll live happily ever after?

Ruby: Well, I'm hoping we all will. As a girl, I wanted to be just like those heroes in the books... Someone who fought for what was right, and protected people who couldn't protect themselves!

Blake: That's... very ambitious for a child. Unfortunately, the real world isn't the same as a fairy tale.

Ruby: Well, that's why we're here! To make it better.

(1x03)

...With further insight from Yang at times:

Yang: I'm not like Ruby, she's always wanted to be a Huntress. It's like she said, ever since she was a kid, she'd dreamt about being the heroes in the books. Helping people and saving the day, and never asking for anything else in return.

(2x10)

But rarely do we see Ruby open up about herself as an individual and her struggles, and even rarer still is the occasion someone prompts her too.

And so it's always stuck out to me that in 5x05 she gets asked the questions that... no one else has really asked her before.

"How do you handle all of this?"

"How can you be so confident?"

"How are you okay with any of this?"

In the Dojo scene (5x05) when we see Oscar pick up on Ruby trying to hide how sad she is (after being reminded of Penny's death) while trying to encourage Oscar, we see her recompose herself, interrupt Oscar when he starts to ask a question after noticing her sullen expression, and then she tries to leave, excusing herself awkwardly.

"Well, see you upstairs"

(very subtle Ruby) but before she can do so, Oscar finds he has to ask:

"How do you handle all of this?"

A question she initially doesn't... actually answer. She very deliberately avoids talking about herself, her own feelings, and how she's been handling all this. Instead she focuses on reassuring Oscar at first, saying what she thinks will make him feel better after hearing him elaborate, confiding in her about how afraid and overwhelmed he is by his current situation.

"I'm... scared. I'm more scared than I've ever been in my life, than I ever thought was possible. I always knew that I wanted to be more than a farmhand, but this?"

"...Who would ask for this?"

Oscar didn't really have a choice in being pulled into the war with Salem and becoming a huntsman, he was reluctantly pulled into it by Ozpin. WBY and JNR decide to join the fight because they're inspired by Ruby and following her as a leader.

...So why does Ruby willingly ask and choose to be a huntress? Why did she freely leave home? Why would she choose to risk her life in this fight against Salem and to take on the responsibility of saving the world? (It certainly doesn't feel like a coincidence that these questions are being revisited in one way or another in V9)

Ruby gives him a very generalised answer in response to his question at first that talks about everyone as a group, and leaves out talking about herself as an individual specifically:

"We all went to Beacon because we wanted to help people"

"None of us chose this either"

"We just have to press on"

And you can see Oscar's expression growing more frustrated as he's facing away from Ruby, because that's not an answer to the question he actually asked. Because he asked about how Ruby as an individual is handling all of this. Ruby genuinely wants to reassure Oscar, but to him it comes across as insincere, like she's putting up a facade, especially since he saw only a moment ago that she was on the verge of tears and clearly upset about something, so he knows she's not being honest about how she's feeling when Oscar asks her how she's handling all of this.

And so he snaps and pushes back:

"How can you be so confident? People have tried to kill you, the world's about to go to war all over again, how are you okay with any of this?!"

(*glances at the v8 finale and v9* boi howdy those words sure do have a different weight to them now huh)

And while realising he may have been too harsh or blunt and later apologizes, it actually does succeed in getting Ruby to reflect a little and confide in him what she'd been through at the FoB and her losing Pyrrha and Penny, her own doubts and fears about the fight with Salem, and how it had shaped her resolve moving forward.

"When Beacon fell, I lost two of my friends: Penny Polendina and Pyrrha Nikos. I didn't know them for very long, but that doesn't change the fact that they were two of the most kind-hearted people I have ever met. But that didn't save them. Pyrrha thought that if there was even the smallest chance of helping someone, then it was a chance worth taking. And because of that, she died fighting a battle she knew she couldn't win. And Penny... was killed... just to make a statement."

"I am scared! But not just for me. What happened at Beacon shows that Salem doesn't care if you're standing against her or not. She'll kill anybody. And that, scares me most of all. Pyrrha... Penny... I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt. That I didn't think about them everyday since I lost them. That I didn't wish I had spent more time with them. If it had been me instead, I know they would have kept fighting too. No matter how dangerous it was. So that's what I choose to do. To keep moving forward."

And again, what stands out to me is that the last thing Oscar takes away from his conversation with Ruby in the Dojo isn't... how inspiring she is or his admiration and respect for her (though he very clearly has that too, "she must've been one of the best huntresses at beacon!"). The last thing he says in this scene, the last thing he takes away is instead this:

"This must be really hard on her too."

The more time that passes through the series and seeing Ruby slowly put under more and more pressure, and stretching herself thinner over time, (like her semblance evolves so she can break herself down to carry others in V8, and in V9 her friends have been shrunk down and she is the one responsible for carrying her team on her shoulders) to help others and save everyone and yet still fail and lose those close to her, and having to just keep trying, keep moving forward no matter what, never stopping or slowing down even if there is no clear end she can see is heartbreaking and exhausting.

And it just makes rewatching the Dojo scene hit even harder. Because yes Oscar! It really is hard on her too! And it was so damn satisfying to have someone see and acknowledge that as well as admiring her and being inspired by her. Being moved by both her strength of character AND her vulnerability. And so it's noteworthy that Oscar is the one who does this, and who pushed her to open up, even just a little, about her grief over the FoB and fears about the fight with Salem.

Especially considering the visual framing of Ruby opening up to Oscar about what she's been through while standing in an open door frame exposed to the outside cementing that as the purpose of the scene: (she is literally opening up to him)

And the fact that Oscar has a kind of a different response from when we've usually seen Ruby comfort, reassure and inspire someone before. Usually it causes them to reflect on themselves and their own struggles, (like with Blake, Jaune, Penny and Qrow) not also on hers as well.

Even with those she has a mutual sense of understanding and solidarity with, like Blake (because of their ideals) and Jaune (because of both of them sharing the responsibility of being leaders) the way they comfort and uplift her in turn when they see her doubting herself is often a double edged sword.

Jaune: You didn't drag us out here. You gave us the courage to follow you.

(4x10)

Blake: I know you don't always know what to do, but that's never stopped you from doing something. I've always looked up to you Ruby.

(8x08)

Yang and Qrow also do this, and it comes with the additional punch of comparing Ruby to Summer as an ideal she strives to be:

Yang: Mom took a risk the day she left, and I don’t think. I don’t think it went the way she wanted it to. But she’s still my hero.

(8x11)

(Summer was Yang's hero, and now Ruby is too, so she has to try to live up to that)

Ruby: This says I'm a Huntress now. But I don't feel like I know much more than I did at Beacon.

Qrow: That feeling never goes away. Your mom, Summer, would be proud of you.

Ruby: What do you think she would've done if she learned the truth about Salem? That she can't be destroyed.

Qrow: Pressed on, I think. Like you. She was always the best of us.

(7x04)

(if Summer would've pressed on, then Ruby has to keep doing that too. If she was the best, then Ruby has to be the best.)

Because, and I want to make this clear, I think Ruby appreciates and is greatful for how much they believe in her and look up to her, and it absolutely does inspire her to keep moving forward, to stand up and fight even when she's doubting herself. But it also... unintentionally places more pressure on her to try and live up to those expectations, and it deprives her of an equal, of someone to relate to and help share her burden instead of upholding her on a pedestal and having unwavering faith in her as the smaller soul everyone looks to. To bottle up her negative feelings because well, everyone believes in her as this optimistic leader who is this endless source of hope and inspiration to everyone around her, and everyone needs her to Keep Being That, and that's more important, right? She can't let them down, right?

"It's up to you to make things better, isn't it? Everything all depends on you! Your sister needs you, your friends need you. The whole world needs you to keep fighting forever and ever against an invincible monster that took your mother!"

(9x04)

Ironically, this (in part) comes back to the person who reinforced this flawed mentality in Ruby in the first place. Ozpin.

"But if you aren't always performing at your best, what reason do you give others to follow you?"

(1x10)

This was genuinely good advice for Ruby's situation at the time in V1 after her conflict with Weiss, to take her role as leader more seriously, and well intentioned I'm sure. But in the long run? Ruby has been basing her self worth on how much she can give or do for others. On being that perfect leader.

Ruby feels like she constantly needs to be a pillar of strength and support for everyone around her as a the ever-cheerful and inspiring leader, that she has to prioritize them over herself, and if she lets herself admit how much she's hurting or how scared she is, she'd be afraid of those around her losing faith. What reason would they have to follow her if she failed them like that? Thus as a result, she struggles allowing herself to open up about her own feelings and to rely on others for emotional support. And as we've starting seeing recently, bottles it up until she reaches breaking point.

Another element to consider, and there might be an earlier or more obvious indication of this, but I started to notice it in V2 when she's visibly the most depressed and worried about Blake's behaviour as she's spiralling and overworking herself, saying the party is pointless if they can't get Blake to go.

"Date or no date, none of this will matter if we can't get Blake to go."

(2x05)

Yang and Weiss are also both concerned for Blake's wellbeing, but they're also excited about the dance for themselves, (Yang talking about what dress she's going to wear, Weiss about her date, what decorations they should have, etc.) which we see when they're planning the party. For Ruby, the only point of the dance is to cheer Blake up, to get her to relax.

"What's the point? Who cares about the dance if Blake isn't going?"

(2x06)

But then Yang convinces Blake she needs to take time for herself and relax, and when Blake shows up at the party, afterwards Ruby is... then completely stumped when she no longer has someone to worry over, and ironically struggles to relax or enjoy herself at the party like everyone else.

Blake neglected her physical needs to push herself, while Ruby appears to neglect her own emotional needs. She focuses on other people's problems and struggles, concerns herself with their wellbeing and happiness, and we don't really see her think about her own. It's admirable how much she's dedicated to being a huntress, but unlike the rest of her team, she doesn't really have anything outside of that that she wants for herself. Her entire sense of self completely revolves around being a huntress.

Ozpin: Well, you can't spend your whole life on the battlefield, even if you may want to.

Ruby: (crossing her arms, looking annoyed) Yeah, that lesson's been floating around a lot lately.

Ozpin: (staring out at the dancing couples) If you think about it, fighting and dancing aren't so different. Two partners interlocked, although one wrong move on the ballroom merely leads to a swollen foot.

(2x07)

This is said while looking out on the dancing couples and comparing dancing to fighting, aka, romantic foreshadowing, which I've talked about in more detail here

(also hey thanks Oz for giving Ruby some good advice to follow the piece you gave her about being a leader in the previous volume)

It's also interesting how this is in the same volume Oobleck questions Weiss, Blake and Yang's motives for being huntresses, and later on during the campfire scene we see them each open up about their own doubts and affirming their resolve to one another, but Ruby is completely excluded from this. Instead we are given insight about Ruby from Yang's perspective, but not from Ruby herself. Because everyone assumes, even her sister, that she is the simple soul, the pure hearted hero, and therefore has no doubts or deeper reason for what she does. When in actual fact, both are true, as we start to see in the Dojo scene.

And when she allows herself to confide in Oscar about her own experiences and losses, to admit that she is scared, it actually helps in this situation. Opening up is what allows her to relate to Oscar's own fears and let her words reach him. To reflect on what she'd been through and reaffirm her own resolve. And a mutual sense of understanding in each other and their fears is established. And this makes sense, after all, allowing yourself to be vulnerable and being more honest about your more negative emotions (being sad/afraid/frustrated) leads to empathising with others and understanding them better. And Oscar goes on to do this in future volumes in trying to empathize and be vulnerable and honest with others, which for better (in Emerald, Hazel and Ozpin's case) or worse (in Ironwood's case) is always worth trying to do, because if you don't then no one can understand and reach out to each other, and nothing will truly change. Which I firmly believe is something Ruby needs to learn more in regards to her Silver Eyes and how she uses them.

Ruby has pushed Oscar to be braver and more confident in himself, (like Ruby) while Oscar has pushed Ruby to be more introspective and honest about her own feelings (like Oscar). Which is the part of both character's struggles, Oscar in overcoming his fears and Ruby in dealing with her own feelings.

There's even a callback to this scene in the V7 finale when the song "Until the End" which is a Ruby song, is playing. As Yang is asking JNR where Oscar is, the exact lyrics that play when Oscar is mentioned are:

"The tears that you've shed,

May find a tree to water,

But only when you're stronger"

Literally the words "tree" and "Oscar" overlap here.

During the Dojo scene when Ruby opens up about the hardships and losses she's endured, and the fears she still has, but also her resolve to keep moving forward, we see her wiping away her tears and reassuring Oscar, whose surname is Pine, a type of tree, like the one being referred to in Ruby's song, a tree that she's watered and helped "grow" metaphorically speaking, as a person, who is moved by her both her strength and her vulnerability. (yes yes I know it's Extremely Corny but the symbolism is Still There)

This could also mean in context of V9 and the Ever After tree that once Ruby is able to properly break down and cry, to grieve and embrace her pain, to be a rose that blooms in the rain that opens up to her team and herself, that she will be able to move forward to the tree and find her way back home.

It's also playing into her allusion as the Rose from the Little Prince as well, as she tries to face away from Oscar and quickly wipes away her tears:

“She did not want him to see her crying. She was such a proud flower…”

And it doesn't just stop there either.

In V6, after telling JNR about Jinn, Oz and Salem, we see how angry and disheartened they all are:

Jaune: "Everything we did was for nothing!"

Blake: "That's not true..."

Nora: "Really? Cos' it sure does sound like it!"

Blake: "I... um..."

Ren: "If Salem can't be killed, then how are we supposed to win this?"

Jaune: "Wow... Great plan, everyone."

After Jaune's outburst, we see Oscar look up over to Ruby, as if he's expecting her to say something uplifting or encouraging, because that's usually what Ruby does at times like this, right? But then he sees her downcast expression, and all of a sudden you see Oscar look back down as he realises that Ruby isn't going to speak up, because she's taking Jaune's critiscism the hardest out of all of them. And it settles in for him how much this is weighing down on her, because she's the leader, because she's always the one expected to have a plan or to know what to say, because she feels like she has a responsibility to live up to that image for all of them.

That this must be really hard on her too.

And we know this to be true when we later hear her confide in Maria:

"What am I supposed to tell Jaune and his team when we don't even have a plan?"

"I feel like I'm letting everyone down"

Before, Oz was considered the "Leader" of their whole group. But Oscar's trust in Ruby outweighed Oz's fear, which was why he fought for control against Oz and told Ruby how to use Jinn, because he believed and trusted in her more as a leader. And by entrusting her with that knowledge, gave her the means to make her own choice of what was right, and ultimately challenge and remove Oz from a position of leadership. And in v6 as Ruby has that role instead, she feels more responsible for their group, for their mission, than ever before, and in turn, in this scene here, Oscar feels responsible for Ruby and the burden they share.

(it's almost like Ruby and Oscar both share Oz as a foil and they're supposed to be better than him and learn from his mistakes which in turn inspires him to be better.)

"There is a rose... and I believe she has tamed me..."

“But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose...”

(the Little Prince)

And that's the reason why Oscar chooses to try to speak up in this moment to try and direct the attention on to himself instead, trying to defuse the tension of the situation after seeing how Ruby is struggling. Interesting is how he isn't moved to action by seeking inspiration and strength from Ruby alone as others are, but also finds the courage in himself to overcome his own fear and hesitation in a need to support her, in an attempt to alleviate the burden he sees weighing down on her.

Because she shouldn't have to always be seen and believed as the one who bears it. Not alone. Because no one should.

Gosh, it's not like one of Oscar's allusions is the Little Prince who learnt that the Rose was his responsibility to go back and take care of right?

*gestures at how Oscar ran away after his confrontation with Jaune and just so happened to come back wearing combat gear that is a very obvious nod to the Little Prince, as well as taking inspiration from Ruby's Mistral outfit and incorporating her red as his secondary colour, focused on Ruby's reaction, and how Ruby is literally referred to as "the Rose" by Tyrian in v4 and has a semblance that has her burst into rose petals*

Or the boy from the Warrior in the Woods who felt that someone should take care of the Warrior for a change, the way she had for everyone else for so long?

“You’ve spent all these years looking after us. I thought maybe it would be nice if someone looked after you for a change. Because that’s what I can do. Because no one else will"

(The Warrior in the Wood, Fairytales of Remnant)

No no, of course not, that's totally crazy.

[ask-the-diamond-kingdom]

(Art made by me)

Name: Haruto O'Connor

Age: 6 years old

Species: Ogerpon

Gender [Pronouns]: Demiboy[He/They]

Type: Grass/Ghost

Ability: Defiant (Teal Mask)/Water Absorb (Wellspring Mask)/Mold Breaker (Hearthflame Mask)/Sturdy (Cornerstone Mask)

Moves: Ivy Cudgel [Special], Play Rough, Stomping Tantrum, Seed Bomb, Swords Dance, Knock Off and Zen Headbutt

Personality: The desire to be seen has been a constant feeling that Haruto holds dear to him. It's one of the reasons why he pulls pranks and do mischievous things as a means to gain attention. Most of these pranks are harmless unless you happen to be Okidogi, Munkidori, and Fezandipiti. If you are those three, those pranks are malicious as hell. Then again, considering how much those three bully Haruto and the fact they stole his masks, can you truly blame him for being so cruel to them. Regardless, Haruto is a energetic, kindhearted, and caring individual that has yet to master working out what is right or wrong. After all, he's a kid and the "Lousy Three" had rubbed off of him in a negative way. Thanks to his adopted fathers, he is learning to be compassionate and respectful to others. Ok...maybe not so much the last part. That boy has the tendency to say things a bit too bluntly. One thing that should be noted is Haruto love for combat and his desire to challenge strong opponents. He rarely shows nervousness or fear when fighting. While not arrogant in his abilities, Haruto has a tendency to be too relaxed and recklessly challenge anyone he views as strong to a fight.

Haruto lack of emotional maturity has also left him somewhat naïve, which often makes many incorrectly assume him to be somewhat stupid. His direct and carefree approach, combined with often taking things to face-value, is what leads to Haruto to be as blunt as he is. Despite this, Haruto is remarkably effective at applying himself once properly motivated. For a six year old, he is able to quickly comprehend the situation and likewise learn the basics of anything presented to him, if not master it. When taking a firsthand experience, he is shown to be incredibly perceptive and intuitive, quickly able to analyze the situation and formulate an effective countermeasure. Very methodical and tactical in his approach, this is what allowed the boy to be able to hold his own against a single member of the "Lousy Three" despite being a demi-god. The boy makes great use of his mask and is capable of flicking between them on the fly when the situation calls for it.

Other notes: 

Carries all of his masks in a hammerspace to ensure that nothing happens to them

It should be noted that Haruto has FOUR arms instead of two. However, you can better notice it without his poncho as seen here.

Has a disguise form that you can find right here

Toyhouse Link Can be found here: Here.

Stands at the height of 3'05"

[mistresssofdarkness]

Hi, I want to know your opinion on this , since you like sanemi .

https://youtube.com/shorts/Nx2zk8L5L4M?feature=shared

Thank you for this ask as it will bring awareness regarding it , My heartfelt apologies as this will be a long post

I cant stand this , but I cant expect a lot from people like that . Anyone who likes Sanemi Shinazugawa , please understand how untrue this is because it's nowhere mentioned in Canon that he did that. "Sanemi was a drinker before joining the Demon Slayers." That's fanon , there's no proof to it .

Yes, I have read light novel related to gakeun , where he is said to be drinking with colleges , but you have to understand the context , that was celebration among colleges, not raging alcoholic habit.

You might say "oh but have you seen him he looks like he has something going on "(people always joke about him being on drug) There are certain things that Chronic stress can do to a person (yes other hashiras have it too) but I am going to talk about sanemi for now.

The first time he was introduced he was furious (This is a crazed expression for people with non art background).

A crazed expression in art is used , to convey intense, often negative emotions like fear, madness, anguish, or extreme distress allowing the artist to powerfully depict a subject's psychological state through exaggerated facial features and distorted body language. It's a way to visually communicate a raw, subjective emotional experience beyond simply depicting a scene realistically.

But remember its an expression , he doesnt look like that all the time, but people had a hard time accepting that since first impressions are last one for most people who can look beyond .

and people made this meme of him , I was really disappointed with this. while these are supposed to be jokes , but it shows peoples thoughts.

But what I think is , he just came back from a long mission, already tired , because if you remember correctly all the other hashiras were already present there and sanemi enters a little late which means he came back ,(just like him and obanai came back during hashira training arc in anime only) ,but this time its only for him to see this foolery happening . He was like, "Let me prove how she is just like all the other demons who lie. This moron here thinks she is different, and he believes her , due to his brotherly love for her. May be he is feeding her dead humans to keep under control somehow , which won't last forever ". (Anyone who has read Signpost of the wind knows )

I am convinced he was thinking he was a detective in his mind shedding light on the truth cause the man is suspicious and distrustful he has every right to be , but who sides him : Obanai ,( besides most of the hashira were against Nezuko , but they didnt do anything actively about it ). I think being exposed to abuse does that to a person to strive for justice at any cost , which is what these two did .

If you go with the main storyline , he was 15 when he was destroyed completely by the event that changed him forever . What did he do after that ? He went out and made practical use of his own feelings . That decision still needs a lot of logic (with control and suppressing of emotions) . If he can make that decision , do you think he would be willing to touch the poison that dissolved his life , his family , everything that wanted or he could be . I don't know how people even think . Sure some kids of alcoholics follow into that path ( that's an extreme situation with complexity and comparatively rare case ) , but that cant be him since he sided with his mother and siblings from the start to "be the man of the house "since the current man is nothing but a curse to their lives . So that's why he self-destructs as an atonement efficiently through his work .

[nocturnalghoul]

Coax you Overboard

Last part of that trio of ideas I had earlier this week, some Raindrop thoughts. Included in the trio is the Dewther installment and the Rulti one.

Words: 771

Summary: A midnight swim for Rain and Dew and some contemplation about how lucky they feel to have the privilege of each other's company

Rain knows how powerful it is that he has the privilege of being the sole person who Dew will go swimming with alone. Sure the fire ghoul will join in when it's the whole pack going, but Rain is the only one to ever successfully coax him into the middle of the lake for a late night swim. He never takes advantage of this though, even if he wants to. Rain would love nothing more than to spend every night out on the water with Dew. There is no use fantasizing about being able to persuade him to come out here more often though. Every second spent out in those calming waters with him is the greatest feeling in the world. The rarity of the occasion only makes it feel even more special.

Most of their midnight swims go the same way, but each time excites Rain and fills him with as much warmth and love as the first. Rain slowly charms Dew into the water with him and gets to watch as he slowly relaxes and perks up as he regains his aquatic confidence. He wishes he could claim that pulling Dew out here was entirely for selfless reasons, a way to get him comfortable with the water he clearly so sorely misses, but he knows it isn’t true. Watching Dew’s movements slowly gain cohesion and fluidity the longer they are out there as he lets his apprehension wash away is a process Rain is certain he will never tire of. There is a graceful serenity that slowly overtakes Dew’s movements that Rain only manages to find out here when it's just the two of them in the water. 

To be fair, even out of the water Rain is completely enamored with Dew. He is beyond smitten with the fire ghoul’s loud bursts of passion, the counterbalancing acts of silent compassion he shows, the rare glimpses of vulnerability he is privy to as he lays himself open emotionally. Sure Dew is a pretty face, but the most beautiful thing about him is the little facets of his personality that only the pack gets to see. Rain honestly feels like the luckiest ghoul between both topside and hell for getting to love the fire ghoul and be loved in return. He wouldn’t trade it for anything. 

~~~

Moments like these Dew is certain he doesn’t deserve Rain. The soft glow of the moonlight accentuates the loving adoring looks that overtake the water ghoul’s face as they paddle around the lake, leaving Dew feeling like he can’t breathe. There are constantly so many people vying for the water ghoul’s attention, and yet Rain chooses to spend time with a ne’re-do-well like himself. The way that he is allowed to monopolize so much of Rain’s time makes him feel selfish. He watches the intense joy overtake the water ghoul’s face as he patiently waits for Dew to relax into the events of the night. He would feel bad about the fact that Rain has to wait at all, but knows that pushing himself too quickly would also make Rain upset.

Dew is constantly surprised by the ways that Rain’s love and devotion strengthens him. Each year when the summer starts to make itself known Dew cannot help but retract a little from the pack, letting himself get pulled away from them as he fears the upcoming days on the lake. Rain always manages to pull him out of this and encourage him out into the water, just the two of them. Dew would do almost anything to chase the brightness that Rain fills his life with, and yet the water ghoul never pushes. He only offers a secure hand and a warm smile. 

Rain is worth pushing past the anxiety and fear. There is naturally something about the ghoul that washes all of those negative emotions away. Rain’s natural radiance outshines the darkest corners of Dew’s mind, leaving behind adoration in its place. As Dew feels his own muscles loosen as he gains confidence in the water, he is struck by the graceful movements of the water ghoul. If it was up to Dew, he would do nothing but watch the way Rain’s muscles shift and move as he maneuvers through the water, dragging Dew along with him. 

As much as both ghoul’s secretly love these little late night dips more than they let on, the time inside the lake is truly never the best part. The actual highlight of the night is later, once they are both exhausted, wrapped in each other's arms so tight it seems like neither will ever let go.

[stopthatfool]

You KNOW I gotta hit you with some of these...

7, but give me Iceman or give me death; 21 and 24; and 38 for the Top Gun asks!! >:)

WOODSY! thank u thank u for the ask! (so excited i'm vibrating out of my body!)

7. Do you have any headcanons about [character or ship]?

Oh boy! Do I! alrighty, here we go!

ice drinks tea! he is a tea drinker! When he gets the chance, he'll have a cup before bed every night! (Black tea, some milk, some honey/sugar!)

Icemav looovveee old country music; like Patsy Cline, some Dolly Parton here and there, Glen Campbell (!!!!!), TAMMY WYNETTE (!!!!) etc. etc.

Mav used to take the mufflers off his motorcycle to make it sound really loud and to annoy the hell out of everyone driving and existing around him! (i hate him.)

Ice can draw! He doesn't practice often (rarely) but he can draw. he knows his way around a pencil.

1990's Bradley/Rooster would have loved Jeff Buckley! I just feel it in my bones.

Ok... i'll stop.. for now..

21. Favourite helmet design?

watch out. gonna be so pretentious art student about this one. i can't help myself i might have to give an opinion on everyone's helmet one day...

FAV HELMET-- phoenix's !! we don't talk about her helmet (and her tbh) enough!! i've seen different versions of it, some without something on the back, others with. But regardless, her helmet is still the best.

The typeface????? the cards on the side?? the spades?? the red leading line going across the whole helmet?? hello people?? this is a visual masterpiece!!! it's recognizable! It's simple, but detailed where it matters! the usage of space and negative space!! phoenix u should've been a graphic designer...

and when phoenix's helmet is compared to THIS!!!???!!

phoenix's looks like the fucking Sistine Chapel or something. yale, is that TIMES NEW ROMAN ON YOUR HELMET????? insane.

24. A line you quote all the time?

Oh oh oh! One I've been quoting the last couple weeks is:

Goose! Ah no!

It doesn't sound like how Mav talks throughout the rest of the movie and I find it so funny. Mav almost sounds like he's from... New York? Or Boston? (i don't actually know. as you know I'm not American so i don't know) but it's so fun to say.

And another one I used say is this line Slider says to Goose:

Goose, you're such a dickhead.

Idk, I say them to my cat mostly. but they replay in my head more often than I actually say them.

38. Which character do you project on the most?

As I've been writing for The Jeep Universe (also thank u for coming up with that! it's so much easier then typing out the whole title!), I've been projecting the most on Maverick!

Me and Maverick are very similar in some ways (sigh, diagnosed with ADHD way too late) and i think that allows me to be more critical with him. And as I continued to explore his personality I realized that we're alike, not in the impulsive, balls to the wall way, but on an emotional regulation and "mental" level (does that even make sense) me and mav are similar. and that's probably part of the reason I can't stand him sometimes.

I'm sorry this got so long! but I was having fun so whatevs. Thank you again for the asks!! this was wonderful!

[tinybirdsupporter]

IT’S EMBARRASSING

that I still wonder where he is, what he’s up to.

Only two things are linked to his name online. That is all I could find, after time and time again of looking. First, a recent obituary of a family member. This (rest in peace), and a Prezi account with a project from one of our high school classes. I looked, and there was nothing to write home about. Yet I sit here telling you.

He never liked social media. I understand that. I am off them myself, save a private tik tok account and a economically-enforced Linkedin. Why doesn’t he have a Linkedin? Doesn’t he know he needs a fucking job?

Our fallout reminds me of a nuclear meltdown. The area will remain inaccessible for the rest of all time after the initial boom. It was radioactive the entire time, just bubbling and waiting for the right condition to incinerate. There is no “going back” for a quick photo, for a quick journey; the radiation pervades too strong to allow for any casual visit.

With him was the only time I felt incandescently happy. I was able to exist in the present moment, something I had never been inclined to do before. I used to get flashbacks of the traumatic extremities, the tremendous hysterics, the stupendous degradations, flashbacks that would enter my mind twenty times a day, and take me back to that place in a moment— with four years on me, I rarely see them anymore, the feeling is not so easily conjured anymore. The things that last are the behavioral traumas, the ways I was slapped into learning— these are subconscious, and don’t bring images with them. These will take me a lifetime to unlearn, as they don’t reside in physicality anymore, just the soft plushy membrane of my created being.

Even with the immense hurt, those images fade. I do remember purposefully turning a blind eye to these moments when I was together with him: perhaps this enforced a standard of painful memory-keeping in my brain, and continued to exist long after he was gone— perhaps the moments were too egregiously painful, that I can’t even try to feel them, without the context of being in love first. No matter what, let me state this: in astoundance to how negatively I viewed him after it was all said and done, how devilish I know him to be, the images that stay are the fleeting sensations of touch, the feeling of his arms, the sense of my head nooked into him perfectly: the feelings of perfect love, these are the only emotions I can adequately conjure. It makes me shake in contempt to know how badly he got me. He did not deserve me, and I did not deserve him, but we were there together, astoundingly in love, heart-shatteringly begotten. My brain plays these mean tricks on me, see, I feel his perfect self with my hands in my memory, I can really feel him there. I remember napping with him, and it was the only time I had ever gone to sleep without a solid attempt. I just remember how it all felt, how perfect it felt, how I would’ve done anything to stay with that feeling, with the only boy who could give it to me.

It is so incredibly cruel, to know how deeply I was in love amidst the firey destruction that encumbered the entirety of our relationship. It is so incredibly cruel, to have that feeling persist— because its persistence means it was real, true love, and that I really, truly lost it. To be so fucking young, to be there, and then to lose it. It is like hitting the jackpot and spending all the money within the first year. It is like living the rest of your life with the knowledge that there is a real perfect feeling out there, and you must live in lack, every miserable day, with the subconscious knowledge of that perfect good. It is like the cherry on top of any miserable depression: the assured inability to reach incandescent happiness. It is a circumstance only prescribed by God, a lollipop given to and taken from the helpless toddler (who can only stand barely two feet tall). They will never reach the lollipop again without your ability-granting actions.

[tana-draws]

imagine wasting all your energy hating on angel when you can spend that energy on characters you love.

ok

The “who hates Angel the most” poll was not done out of personal hate for angel, but curiosity of what other fans of the show think other characters think about him.

A lot of my posts involving Angel have to do with me thinking the dynamic (or at least, potential one) between him and Giles in s3 was interesting. For example, recently I reblogged a post and tagged it “Giles with angel.” This has nothing to do with my own feelings towards angel, more so a statement towards how I feel another character feels about him.

i don’t really hate angel as a character, my criticisms are about the narrative treatment of him (amends reminding us of how he murdered people, including a character we knew, just as an attempt to make us feel bad for him, s3 trying to acknowledge the events of s2 but rarely acknowledging how it effected anyone other than Buffy and angel, etc) and how fans treat him (acting as though characters are in the wrong for not liking him in s3/being upset about his resurrection/being upset about the resurrection being hidden from them)

Angel can piss me off at times (amends, also his crimes in s2 but I’ll exclude those cause soul or whatever) but I also find him funny sometimes. I also haven’t seen ATS so I’m not going to say I HATE him until I’ve seen the show he’s the protagonist of.

Most scenes I’ve reblogged seeming anti-Angel are scenes between Giles and Angel (because, as I mentioned earlier, I find their dynamic interesting,) specifically referring to three scenes I’ve reblogged: -reblogged the arson scene in passion and cheered Giles on in the tags (angel/us is currently soulless and also just murdered Jenny). -reblogged the scene between them from amends encouraging Giles to hurt angel (if angel has the nerve to ask Giles for help with an existential crisis after everything that happened I think Giles should have been allowed to respond by stabbing him a little. He’s a vampire he’ll be fine. Besides it’s not like he’s doing it unprompted angel if you’re going to seek out someone who hates you because you murdered their partner and tortured them, hoping they’ll help you, you have to expect that you might lose a bit of blood). -reblogged the scene right before angel/us tortures Giles and said I was going to stab angel/us (again, still soulless and about to commit torture). In none of these cases did I, to my memory, reblog a random gif set talking about how much I hate angel, because not only is that a dick move, I myself would not want people reblogging, say Fanart, of a character yapping about how much they hate them, but I’m also mostly nuetral on him in general, except when he pisses me off. (I have criticized the godawful take that people were “too mean to poor innocent angel” in s3 but pointing out that the other characters are allowed to have negative feelings towards him when someone claims otherwise is different than reblogging a random post about how they like him as a character that doesn’t use their opinion to villainize characters for having emotions, or a gifset of scenes where he doesn’t do anything wrong posted by someone who likes him, and going “actually you’re wrong he’s awful and I hate him”) I only reblogged gifsets and commented hyper-negatively when he’s doing/has done/will do something shitty, two of which, depending on how you interpret soul lore, weren’t even technically him.

I talk way more about characters I like than I shittalk angel. The last post I made on this blog about Buffy, if I remember correctly, was about how I had rewatched some assembly required and how Giles had no game. Look through the Buffy tags on my account and I think most of the posts will be about Jenny and Giles, and then some that aren’t about them but also aren’t about angel.

most of my issues are related to characters I like. I know it wasn’t technically him cause soul or whatever, but he killed Jenny, tortured Giles, tried to kill a bunch of other major characters, probably would have killed them if not stopped, made Buffy’s life hell, and tried to end the world (not really a character but still kind of a big deal.) even if it wasn’t technically him, it effects my view of him (AND AGAIN: most of my issues aren’t even because of the events, but because, in s3, those events were rarely acknowledged outside of “you should feel sad that angel is guilty for murdering a bunch of people” or “it’s so sad Angel and Buffy can’t be together (cause he murdered a bunch of people).” Which is more of a writing issue than a character issue.)

I can do what I want

[mylifeinfiction]

Don’t Fear the Reaper by Stephen Graham Jones

Jade the fighter. Jade the survivor. Jade the final girl.

Now that's more like it. This is the slasher book I was hoping for from the get-go; the slasher book My Heart Is a Chainsaw had all the potential to be through-and-through, yet didn't become until the last minute. With Don't Fear the Reaper, though, Stephen Graham Jones gives us that glorious slasher promise from page one, and rarely lets up throughout that fantastically violent, messy finale. And best yet, he never does so by sacrificing who Jade Daniels is, or the world she's living in. Jade is - throughout most of this book - a completely different character, but never in any way that SGJ betrays her. Instead, she's different because he allowed her to grow through her experiences and the traumas she lived through in the first book and the four years separating it from this one. If My Heart Is a Chainsaw made Jade Daniels a final girl, then Don't Fear the Reaper proves she deserves the title. Her final girl status is no fluke, no glorified embellishment, it's who Jade Daniels is down to her very core. And rather than excitedly running into what that title bestows with naive excitement, as she did in Chainsaw, Reaper finds her begrudgingly accepting it despite wanting to put the horrors of this world - the horrors of this life - behind her for good. Unfortunately for her, with the amount left unresolved at the end of this book, one's led to believe (hope) that's not happening anytime soon, and Jade's time as a final girl is going to culminate in gloriously gory fashion come time for the final installment in The Indian Lake Trilogy.

The major negative aspect of the book would have to be the history teacher and his subplot, especially the direction it takes in the end. I'm sure it'll be utilized in an interesting/effective manner in the final book, but unlike some of the other teases throughout this book, it just feels too awkward and unresolved for its own good, here. There may be more, but none significant enough to gripe about when the positives are so abundant. Other than Jade's magnificent character work, we get a concise slasher set-up this time around; the storm-of-the-century, an escaped serial killer, a town's blood-soaked black sheep returned. All of the action takes place over ~36 hours, and each of the plot's beats throughout serve SGJ's slasher goodness. And thankfully, the supporting characters don't only serve to drive Jade's final girl destiny forward (though they definitely do that as well), but are given great scenes of their own to shine apart from Jade's spotlight, and also work to bring some emotional and thematic heft to this otherwise straight-forward narrative. Unlike the first book's horror theses that ended each chapter, we get a different type of school paper - ones that serve the story more than just on a purely thematic level. Instead of just being overlong slasher-theory (eventually serving merely as slasher fan-service), they provide backstory and fill out some of the occasionally vague aspects of the core story.

Best of all, though... we get violence. While Chainsaw had an epic, overwhelmingly brutal finale and an abundance of fantastic horror-centric ideas throughout, its action felt seriously lacking in its middle ~200 pages. Reaper doesn't have that problem, delivering effective doses of the good shit throughout. And while there may not be anything here quite as epic and all-out batshit crazy as the Lake Witch Massacre, the end of Dark Mill South's time in Proofrock - especially that amazing video store scene that kicks it all off - is insanely enjoyable in its exhausting brute-force and vicious unpredictability.

9/10

-Timothy Patrick Boyer.

[silver-blooded-synthetics]

@theholysoldier asked:

💓 When did they have their first crush? 💕 How easily do they fall in love? 💖 How do they say ‘I love you’ without really saying it? 👀 Would they ever enter/have they ever entered into a friends with benefits relationship? 🌹 What is their idea of a perfect date? 🔑 At what point would they move in with a partner? 💗 What advice would they give a potential partner about making their relationship last if they could with no judgment? ❌ What is the biggest mistake they make in their relationships? 💞 Would they ever enter/have they ever entered into a polyamorous relationship? 😭 When was their first breakup? 💔 What was their worst breakup? 🍷 How far would they go on a first date? 💍 Would they ever get married? 💎 Would they rather propose or be proposed to? 💒 What kind of wedding would they want to have? 👶 Do they want children? {Alma, Arda, Errol}

💓 When did they have their first crush?

Alma: He's never really had one. He's not the type to start crushing on people until after he's already established a bond with them, and by then, usually he goes pretty fast from having a crush to being in a relationship, because once he understands his feelings, he pursues them.

Arda: There was a girl in her first grade class that was very pretty and Arda crushed pretty hard on her until the other girl showed her true colors as a bully and then Arda was heartbroken that someone so pretty could be so mean.

Errol: His first crush was on one of his caregivers in the foster home for troubled boys he was in for a few years in the UK. He tried to get her attention by acting out, and it worked, she definitely payed attention to him. But she hated his guts for it because he was the worst problem child there. At the time, he didn't care, as long as he was getting some form of attention, even if it was negative. There was also the problem that he was only a child and she was an adult. He didn't start crushing on people his own age until high school.

💕 How easily do they fall in love?

Alma: It takes Alma some time to fully fall in love. He has a difficult time processing his emotions, so he needs a while to come to terms with them. But once he does realize he is in love, he falls hard.

Arda: She falls in love about a hundred times a day. She's quite the romantic, and because she sees beauty in just about everything, it doesn't take much for her to fall in love. Now, it's not always romantic or something she actively pursues, but her quick love is just as real as any love.

Errol: He has a very difficult time falling in love. Sure, he likes people well enough, but because of his issues with empathy and making genuine connections with others, actually caring enough about them to call it love doesn't happen very often. It's rare for him. But that's why when he does fall in love, it's extremely intense. He becomes almost obsessed, but is a ride or die partner, extremely loyal and protective, and very affectionate.

💖 How do they say ‘I love you’ without really saying it?

Alma: Allowing his partner to touch him and trusting them implicitly. Sharing his thoughts with them. Smiling around them, actual, real, genuine smiles, not just a forced polite one. Asking them their thoughts on things and listening. Really getting to know his partner, what they like and don't like, and putting that information into practice to make sure they are happy. Info dumping.

Arda: Giving little homemade gifts that she made herself. Singing for them and dancing with them. Holding them and playing with their hair or stroking their sides. Telling them how beautiful she thinks they are and all the qualities about them that make them beautiful both inside and out. Taking pictures with them.

Errol: Lots and lots of physical affection. Hugs, kisses, holding hands, stroking hair or skin, etc. Holding them in his arms. Opening up about his issues and actually admitting they are real to his partner. Asking for help from his partner. Buying gifts he thinks will be useful to or liked by his partner. Talking to them about important subjects and actually listening to what they have to say about them. More physical affection.

👀 Would they ever enter/have they ever entered into a friends with benefits relationship?

Alma: No, and he never would. Sex is about love to him, he doesn't do it casually, it's reserved only for romantic partners.

Arda: Possibly, but she'd have to be pretty close friends with them.

Errol: Oh, absolutely, he's had several.

🌹 What is their idea of a perfect date?

Alma: Going somewhere with little to no light pollution and laying down in the grass to look up at the stars while talking to his partner about anything and everything.

Arda: Going out dancing with her partner or going to the beach to walk along the shore and collect seashells with them.

Errol: Staying home and snuggling up together on the couch to watch movies or read a book together, ordering in Thai food, having sex, then taking a bath together.

🔑 At what point would they move in with a partner?

Alma: As soon as they were official and he trusted them well, he'd want to move in together, as long as circumstances allowed for it.

Arda: She'd move in together the moment her partner asked, even if they've only been seeing each other a week.

Errol: He'd also move in right away, but only if it was convenient for him. He's not really tied to one place and lives a nomadic lifestyle, so he might move in without any issues, but he might also just up and move out without warning too. Unless he really falls hard in love, then he'll stick around.

💗 What advice would they give a potential partner about making their relationship last if they could with no judgment?

Alma: To be patient with him. He's still figuring out a lot of things and is a bit naive, especially emotionally immature. He needs someone that won't give up on him and is willing to give him time to figure things out. He may not always agree with something, but if you are calm with him and willing to teach him why you feel or think a certain way, he will eventually be able to understand and come around.

Arda: Don't ever be cruel. Sometimes people make mistakes and hurt others on accident, but that's different. When you are actively malicious towards her or even someone else, she loses faith in you, and the relationship will end. Always try to be considerate.

Errol: Similar to Alma's advice. Be patient with him. He's a very flawed individual and he's trying his hardest to be better, but he doesn't always know how and he struggles. He has relapses. He needs help. He needs someone to be a moral compass for him when he can't tell right from wrong. Don't give up on him.

❌ What is the biggest mistake they make in their relationships?

Alma: He is a very curious person, and sometimes he takes it too far. Be that putting himself or his partner in danger in search of information, or prying too deep into his partner's personal life.

Arda: She's too naive and trusts too much, often ending up with her getting hurt and/or taken advantage of because of it.

Errol: He has had several relationships that he tried to make serious but never actually was capable of loving them. In the end he always ended up hurting them because of it.

💞 Would they ever enter/have they ever entered into a polyamorous relationship?

Alma: No, he couldn't handle it and would feel inadequate as a partner, like he isn't enough by himself. It would end up with his heart broken.

Arda: Yes, she could handle a polyamorous relationship and would be willing to enter one, though has never had one before.

Errol: Possibly, depending on the people involved. He does tend to get jealous and possessive, but as long as it was a healthy relationship where they all loved each other equally, he wouldn't mind sharing his partners with each other. He's been in a few polyamorous relationships before. One of them worked out well with minimal issues. The other had him competing with one of the other partners for attention from the third and was pretty rough in the beginning, but smoothed out once boundaries were discussed and set.

😭 When was their first breakup?

Alma: When he was sixteen, after four dates with a girl his mother set him up with. They were exclusive for a very short time before Alma broke it off because he simply didn't have feelings for her.

Arda: She broke up with her first boyfriend after two months of dating him. She was fifteen at the time and they ended things mutually on positive terms.

Errol: He broke up with his first girlfriend when he was in high school at age fifteen. Or more... she broke up with him after calling him a heartless dick and slapping him in the face...

💔 What was their worst breakup?

Alma: When another girl his mother set him up with had been dating him for a month. Alma continued seeing her just so he wouldn't have to see anyone else (he gets tired of his mother constantly forcing him to date). The girl thought they were in a committed relationship because Alma didn't communicate well with her that he wasn't really into her. She kissed him unexpectedly and he panicked. Things didn't end well.

Arda: She's never really had a bad breakup. Some were sad, but mostly they always separated on good terms and stayed friends.

Errol: There were so many awful ones, but the worst was probably when a girlfriend told him he was a monster. That cut him the most at least. They screamed and fought for hours before he kicked her out and threw her junk out of the window of his eighth story apartment. She slashed his tires a week later.

🍷 How far would they go on a first date?

Alma: Even hand holding is pushing it on the first date.

Arda: A kiss.

Errol: Sex, if the other person was into it.

💍 Would they ever get married?

Alma: Yes, he'd like to fall in love and get married some day.

Arda: Yes, she'd love to get married someday as well.

Errol: He will always say no, but only until he finds someone he truly falls in love with. Then he'll want to get married if they do.

💎 Would they rather propose or be proposed to?

Alma: He'd rather do the official proposing after discussing marriage with his partner beforehand.

Arda: She'd rather be proposed to. She also likes to be surprised.

Errol: He would rather be the one proposing, after discussing marriage first with his partner and knowing it's what they both want first.

💒 What kind of wedding would they want to have?

Alma: He would want to have something small and private with only certain people invited, but he'd want it to have a beautiful and meaningful ceremony, some place with a lovely view.

Arda: She would want a beach wedding at sunset, also small with only special people invited. She wants it all documented on video so she can cherish the memory forever though.

Errol: He wants whatever his partner wants, whether that's something extravagant and big or something small and private. He'd love to wear a dress and have a theme and do lots of dramatic decorations and make it a huge deal, but he'd also be just as happy just getting the papers signed and not having a ceremony at all if that's what his partner wanted.

👶 Do they want children?

Alma: Yes, he'd like one or two kids someday.

Arda: She would love to have children, be it one or many, her own or adopted. She just wants a happy family.

Errol: He doesn't necessarily want to have kids, because he's terrified that he won't be able to love them. But if he did have kids, he would love them to the ends of the world and back, whether he knows that now or not. He isn't against having kids, he just has concerns about being a good father to them.

[undesiredwish]

anemone and lilac

anemone :   how does your muse view the world ;   as a cruel   &   unforgiving place ,   a land full of wonders ,   or something in - between ? where does that world view come from   (what experiences ,   life lessons ,   etc .) ?

clow's view of the world varies over time. he grew up with the belief instilled in him by his mother that the world was full as as much positive as there was negative. it has in it to be cruel and unforgiving, but that there are events and people who go beyond to make it a little easier when they can. he held this view for a long while, after becoming established in his magicks and his status as a rank D sorcerer, but closer to the end of his lifespan.... when 'that event' took place and his magicks acted beyond his control on fleeting grief, he realized what he believed was wrong.

the world isn't balanced. it's chaos. the universe has only ever existed within chaos and that its humanity that decided what is good and bad based on what they deemed justified. the universe takes, and it takes, and it takes. it doesn't always make sense. chaos can be cruel and it can be kind, but there is no rhyme or reason to it's methods. events that happen are because chaos want them to happen and as sorcerers they are able to help weave sense into things.

it doesn't bring him comfort. even in the end, he was filled with grief with his actions; but he believes that sakura hime and her companions will be able to navigate and have a life worth living together. to correct the mistake he caused and ultimately find happiness.

lilac :   what was your muse’s childhood like ?how has their upbringing affected them as they’ve aged ? 

his childhood was.... complicated.

from the moment he was born, there had been adversity given the fact he was a child that both his father and mothers side were staunchly against. a union of magic that was frowned upon because it was practically unheard of. both his father and mother were the heads of their respective houses and there was the understanding that if they had a child, that child would risk inheriting both magic.

that was exactly what happened and from the time clow was able to walk, he was given a strict and formal upbringing when it came to his magickal abilities. his mother was a dreamseer and she saw what he would become and achieve, so they made sure he always understood the weight of his abilities and how he would represent both families with his blended magic.

he grew up with so much structure that it was hard for him to properly express himself properly. however, his father, even with expectations would sneak off with him and allow clow to have some semblance of being a child. he regards his father warmly, and that he was always chasing his mothers praise. it was hard won and rarely if ever given, even when he reached new heights and met new goals.

a lot of his upbringing still effects him. he's hard to read because his mother taught him that emotions were something that people could use to hurt him; but one thing that he still worked to be was kind. clow has his mothers structure and formality with his fathers warmth and kindness. because of how he conducts himself, people often assume hes stuck up.

another reason why he doesnt tend to emote much is because he is aware that his magick is very sensitive. if he feels strongly, he was prone to overflow and the last thing he would want is that he wouldnt be able to control something in his excitement.

it is not lost on him that in the end, his grief was his undoing and on some level, he feels his mother would be ashamed of him for not keeping his emotions in check. his father world have reminded him that he’s still human and that grief was natural. 

[prowerprojects]

Seeing past and current discussions of Sonic characters just keeps confirming my belief that Tails is a character that most are extremely neutral on that they rarely think or dissect him on extensive level.

Or just can't outside of Sonic. (I get that Sonic is a major impact on his character, but so is the hedgehog for other characters too. And yet, he's the one that struggles to have analyses or stories done on him without Sonic being a factor or heavily mentioned.)

You can't want the fox to be independent THEN still have Sonic constantly hold his hand. You can't want him to showcase his own moves THEN downplay his mechanic skills and smarts that were ingrain since his early inception. You can't want him to have his own opinions THEN light a fire under him for disagreeing with Sonic. You can't want him to be more "youthful" THEN have a problem with him displaying naivety or negative emotions.

"What is Tails?" is a simple question, but it's a headache to find some that could answer that.

(Note- This isn't directed at you. :] Being a Tails fan is so frustrating at times.)

SAY IT ANON

You're so right. It's so dark in here.

Especially the last point. People always want Tails to "act his age" but as soon as he showcases signs of immaturity that are unappealing or frustrating (for the audience or for the other characters to deal with), well that's bad & Tails is being ruined as a character. You're only allowed to act like a kid for the cuteness factor, but don't you dare have a character flaw.

Have you ever heard the fairytale about the Peasant's Daughter? This is how it feels out here sometimes

On another hand, when people say that we should let Sonic have character flaws (which he already does have but it's a different conversation), they usually bring up the flaws that don't make sense for Sonic, but the ones that Tails coincidentally already has. But no one realizes that because no one thinks about Tails. Honestly people should just become Tails fans instead. He's a great character & has a lot going on, imo, if you're just willing to actually look at him.