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tinyboxxtink · 3 years ago

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"Weird Secret Friends" *Chapter 1*

Part 2 is here!

So I will admit @chasingeverybreakingwave gave me the idea from an idea I initially had, and then I added an even bigger twist.

I won't give it away here, but just know I sat down to write this first part just for funsies and 14 pages came out.

FUN!

Also, don't worry y'all--- I don't think this one will be..."dramatic". No dark themes here. Just some fun...shenanigan's I guess we'll call them. You'll see.

Tag List

@madamsnape921

@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@stars-trash-18

@omgsuperstarg

@objection-argumentative

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You sat at the bar in Forlini sipping an appletini and checking your watch for the millionth time. You stared at your phone again for the 10th time in thirty seconds. He couldn’t even shoot you a text, let you know he was running late? You were busy cursing him out in your mind you didn’t notice a handsome older gentleman sit at the bar next to you/ He ordered scotch, and then began pulling files out of a briefcase to work on them.

“...Kind of odd to bring work to a bar, isn’t it?” You quipped, making him look up from his papers briefly.

“Well, it beats being stuck in my office all night. At least here I can drink my scotch without judgement-- or so I thought,” He replied dryly.

“Oh I’m sorry,” You put a hand up defensively. “No no, I wasn’t trying to judge you. I’m sorry, I just--”

“You’re not great at sensing tones, are you?” The man smirked. He was joking. He had been joking with you. Duh.

“Oh right,” You shook your head with a nervous laugh. “I’m sorry I’ve had a drink already. I came into the city just to see my older cousin for dinner and I’ve been waiting on him for over an hour, so-- y’know, drinks on an empty stomach,” You rambled on and on. Why were you spilling your life story to this guy?

“I see,” The man nodded while taking a sip of his scotch.

“Sorry, that was too much detail wasn’t it, I really need to work on that--”

“No no, just enough detail actually,” He chuckled while resuming his writing.

“Right…” You sighed, looking back down at your phone. Clearly you were annoying him. You waited a few more minutes before giving up on your cousin. You asked the bartender to close your tab while you went into your purse for your card. To your shock, a card was already left on the check when you turned back to the bar. You glanced next to you, the man was still writing. He gave you a quick side eyed wink.

“What happened to the cousin?” The man asked.

“Apparently he’s not coming,” You shook your head.

“So you’re just going to not eat?” He pressed you.

“Oh I’ll probably just grab some fast food on the way back to Jersey,”

“Jersey?” He laughed with a raspberry.

“Excuse you, it’s the Garden State,” You crossed your arms.

“Yeah and you know what gardens require?” He stopped writing and looked at you.

“...What?” You raised a curious eyebrow.

“Bullshit,” He smirked.

“Oh my god,” You laughed out loud. Usually the elitist New York jackassery just pissed you off, but coming out of that mouth you couldn’t be mad.

“Ha ha,” You rolled your eyes with a small laugh. “Well I’d better get going, traffic’s going to be a bitch now,”

“Why don’t you stay and have a decent meal for once?” He teased.

“Oh well my cousin was paying, there’s no way I can afford this--”

“Well I’ve finished all my depositions and I’m feeling quite peckish,” He patted the bar stool for you to sit back down and signaled the barkeep for two menus.

“....Well alright, but you’re paying my toll fees for the bridge,”

“We’ll see if you get home tonight, carino,” He said in a seductive voice.

“Oh my god,” You muttered under your breath. Nobody this sexy and this sophisticated had ever hit on you before.

“That’s assuming a lot, considering you don’t even know my name. Mr---?”

“Barba, Rafael Barba,” He gave you another amazing smile while holding his hand out to you.

“....Y/N,” You extended your own hand and shook his gently.

“So, how about that meal?” He smiled coyly at you.

“Sounds good,” You flashed a smile back at him.

-----

Soon you both had fresh drinks and a calamari appetizer between the two of you.

“So...depositions?” You asked while pulling some squid onto your small plate.

“Yes, tedious work,” He rolled his eyes at the mention of work while biting into his own plate full.

“So that’s...law, stuff right?” You pressed. Rafael almost choked on his food laughing at your question.

“Yes, it is,” He dabbed his mouth with his napkin, an amused grin still on his face. “....So I take it you’re not very familiar with ‘law stuff’?”

“Oh no, I’ve never been arrested,” You replied.

“....I meant study wise,” He was even more amused at your obliviousness.

“OH. Duh,” You were blowing this date so hard like cannonballs against a ship.

“No, I’m in fashion design,” You ran your fingers through your hair nervously.

“Really?”

“Yeah, you know I’m Elle Woods at the beginning of the movie,” You laughed, but stopped when you saw the blank expression on his face.

“...Should I know what that means?” He raised an eyebrow.

“No,” You felt your face run hot for the hundredth time since you’d been talking. “Forget it, it’s stupid,”

“You’ll have to excuse me, I’m not fluent in pop culture references,” You could swear he was blushing now as well. Was he...was he actually nervous too?

“Oh it’s just a stupid Reese Witherspoon movie, Legally Blonde,”

“Oh lord,” He put a hand to his face with a soft laugh at the name of the movie.

“It’s stupid, I’m stupid,” You waved your hands dismissively and put them in your lap while looking away with a nervous laugh.

“Oh you are most certainly not stupid, Y/N,” He assured you.

“You don’t know that,” You pushed your hair behind your ears nervously.

“Trust me, I have a knack for spotting stupid a mile away,” He remarked.

“Do you?” You finally looked into his green eyes. They were sparkling and lustful.

“Comes with the territory,” He chuckled while finishing off his scotch. “So what does ‘fashion design’ entail, exactly?” He asked you as the waiter came to refill your drinks and to take the calamari away.

“Um, well--” You picked at the calamari crumbs left on your plate. “A lot of drawing, mostly,”

“Drawing?” He crooked his neck to the side, you’d definitely peaked his interest.

“Yeah, um--” You started to go into your bag. “I had been planning on bragging about these to my cousin. I don’t know if you’ll get any enjoyment out of them,” You pulled out a sketchbook and handed it to him.

He began flipping through it, making you feel the most nervous you’d been in a long time. You never showed your sketches to anyone, let alone strangers. Something about him made you extremely nervous, but entirely comfortable at the same time. You watched his eyes intently, looking for some tell of interest or disgust. He gave you nothing; damn poker faced lawyers. After a few moments he nodded gently and handed the sketchbook back to you, still with an emotionless face. However once you took it from him, a very big smile crawled across his lips.

“These are very impressive, Y/N,” He complimented you, making your heart flutter.

“Really?” You asked in disbelief.

“Oh yes, I couldn’t draw to save my life,” He chuckled as the waiter brought your entrees. “Even my handwriting is shit,”

“Oh, I’m sure it’s not--” You started to assure him but he pulled one of his papers from his briefcase and handed it to you. It was like a two year old had scribbled on a professional letterhead.

“Ooof,” You made a face. “Maybe not,”

“See?” He bit his lip while picking at his manicotti. “Horrible,”

“Yeah well,” You bit into your chicken alfredo. If it helps, I’d be shit in the courtroom,”

“I don’t know, something tells me you can hold your own in an argument,”

“Oh I can definitely do that,” You agreed with a mouthful of pasta. “I’m half Italian, I can argue like nobody’s business,”

“An Italian from Jersey? How original,” He quipped.

“Ay, don’t make me get Gotti on your hoity toity ass, I don’t care how scrumptious it is,” You threatened in an overly thick accent.

“Scrumptious?” He fully choked on his food laughing at the mention of his butt being something delightful to eat.

“I mean, yeah…” You shouldn’t have said that, why had you gotten so ballsy all of a sudden? Maybe you should stop drinking. “I mean, it’s alright,”

“Indeed,” He blushed even more. “Well, the sentiment is mutual,” He winked while biting his lip with enticement.

“Oh, well--” You weren’t ready for that slick comeback, this man kept you on your toes with the flirty banter; so much more eloquent with speaking than Jersey guys. You’d never admit that to him.

“Thanks,” Was all that you could muster out while his green eyes still stared at you with their sparkle and delight.

“Do you....want to get out of here?” He asked you with a smirk, glancing down at your lips.

“I--” You tried thinking of reasons to decline, but his eyes and now his gesture of licking his lips while gazing at yours was making it very hard to use any brain function.

You knew you had class early tomorrow, there was no way you’d make it if you stayed overnight in the city. But then if you went with him, it really might be super late to drive home. You should just politely decline and move on with your life.

“Sure,” You stared in shock at yourself when the word came out of your mouth. How did that even happen?! Clearly your body was in control of your brain right now.

“Excellent,” He grinned while motioning for the check.

Soon enough you were outside in the New York City streets, waiting on an Uber. It was chillier than you anticipated, you shivered in the night air.

“Oh, allow me,” Rafael took off his pea coat and wrapped it around your trembling body.

“Oh no, now you’ll be cold,” You made a sad face at him.

“I’m a big boy,” He chuckled. “Plus, I tend to run hot,”

“Yeah you do,” You said that out loud, didn’t you? Based on his even more amused smile, yes you did.

“Well maybe you could warm me up,” He smirked while pulling himself into the coat with you, catching your lips on his own. They were so soft, his kiss was so tender and loving, with a hint of aggressive lust. You stood there for several seconds making out until you both heard Rafael’s phone go off, signaling your ride was there.

“Shall we?” He opened the door to the car and motioned for you to get in.

“We shall,” You smiled as you took in and slid across the backseat of the Altima. Soon he was sliding in after you and the driver began driving towards Rafael’s place. You couldn’t help but giggle to yourself at a random thought.

“What?” Rafael asked. “Did I have something on my face while we were kissing?”

“Oh no no no,” You shook your head before giving him a short small kiss. “No you are-- very good at that,”

“Oh,” He beamed at you proudly. “Well, I try,”

“No I was just thinking about how my cousin would go absolutely mental if he knew I was doing this right now,”

“Overprotective type?”

“Mmmm, that’s putting it lightly,” Your eyes rolled. “I didn’t have the greatest home life, so he became kind of my big brother slash ‘father figure’,”

“Ah, I see,” Rafael nodded, his arms around you pulling you into his chest to keep you warm. Even though you were pretty sure you’d stay plenty warm after that little make out session. “Rough home life is my expertise as well,”

“Really?” You blinked at him in surprise. “Here I thought you would’ve grown up with a butler and a Bentley,”

“Ha!” He let out a loud laugh. “Far from it, my dear,”

“Hmm, very interesting,” You remarked while you played with his tie.

“Is it?”

“Yeah, I mean look at you now,” You gestured to the elegant gentleman that he was. “You made something of yourself, you live in New York City! God knows I’ll never get out of Ocean Grove, let alone the City,”

“Well, it took a lot of hard work-- believe me,” He played with the rings on your fingers. “But seriously Y/N with those sketches, I think you could really be a great fashion designer,”

“Really?”

“If not that, maybe a caricaturist in Central Park,” He gave you a tongue in cheek smile.

“Oh shove it,” You giggled with a roll of your eyes, lightly pushing him. Before you knew it you were pulling to a stop in front of a brownstone apartment. Rafael exited the car and then held your hand for you and helped you out as well. He waved to the driver before turning and walking up the steps and unlocking his door, motioning you inside. You entered the most gorgeous apartment you’d ever seen. Which, wasn’t saying a lot considering you lived in the slums of Jersey your entire life.

“So your cousin, do you see him a lot?” Rafael asked as he took his coat from you to hang it up.

“Not so much since he moved to the City, no,” You shook your head.

“So, he can’t be that overprotective,” Rafael went to his kitchen and pulled out another bottle of scotch, and two glasses. He offered you one.

“Oh you’d be surprised,” You shook your head. “He has his ways of ‘looking after’ me, even from the City,” You held out your glass for him to fill. You usually didn’t drink hard liquor by itself, but by now the three appletini’s were giving you the ability to ignore taste.

“Oooh, well that sounds very...Godfather-esque,” Rafael chuckled before clinking your glasses together and sipping his glass.

“HA!” You let out your own loud laugh this time, thinking about your cousin being compared to the Godfather.

“Oh god no. Actually maybe in his mind, yeah for sure. But Sonny couldn’t fight anyone to save his life, let alone kill someone,” You kept giggling to yourself imagining that awkward blonde haired boy trying to defend you against some bullying kids when you were younger. You practically had to fight for him.

All of a sudden you were covered in scotch, being as Rafael had spit-took it all over the front of your dress.

“What the-- Hey this dress is really expensive, Barba!” You exclaimed angrily.

“I’m sorry,” He apologized, running and grabbing a towel from his laundry room. When he returned you saw the look on his face was not it’s aroused or even amused look anymore, and you swore his skin had gone pale.

“That’s...okay…?” You took the towel from him and dabbed your dress, still staring at him curiously.

“So, I’m sorry,” He shook his head, trying to wrap his head around this new information. “You said your cousin’s name is--”

Suddenly your phone went off in your purse. You grabbed it out and read the screen:

SONNY BOI IS CALLING

“Oooh, sorry one second,” You put a finger up to stop his question. “I’ve gotta answer this or he’ll start sending his cop friends out looking for me,”

“Hey, Sonny,”

“Hey, Y/N I am so sorry,” Rafael could hear that thick accent from across the room, making his palms sweat.

“Sorry for standing me up the one night I got off to come see you, or sorry for not even calling?”

“Both,” He said in an apologetic tone. “We just got real involved in a case over here, we busted a trafficking ring and I just lost track of time,”

“Oh, well that’s okay,” You replied sweetly. His job was rough, you couldn’t deny that. No need to pile on the guilt. You turned to see Rafael’s face had gotten paler, and his face was twisted into a very distressed scowl. You mouthed “WHAT?” to him, while still talking to Sonny.

“I met a friend at the bar, and he’s taking very good care of me,” You smirked, thinking that might brighten Rafael’s spirits. But instead, it made him freak out more, making NO gestures with his hands.

“A friend?” Sonny’s tone turned concerned. “A guy? A stranger?!”

“He’s not a stranger Sonny, he’s actually a very respectable man I’ll have you know. He even bought me dinner when you stood me up!”

“Oh I bet he did,” Sonny laughed sarcastically. “So what’s this jag off’s name?”

“He’s not a jagoff Sonny, he's a gentleman. And a lawyer,”

“A lawyer?” Sonny’s ears perked up. “Did you say a lawyer?”

“Yeah, why--”

“Y’know what sweets gimme a second,” Sonny’s voice cut out as he put you on hold.

“Wha--?” You stared at the phone. “The douche put me on hold?”

“Aw crap…” Rafael muttered while searching his jacket pocket. He found it just as it lit up

CARISI CALLING

“Oh, my...god,” You muttered as you stared at the phone in his hands. Now your face went wide and your eyes went wide. Rafael quickly answered the phone, giving you a pleading look to go along with whatever he was about to say.

“Hello? Carisi, why are you calling me so late? Don’t you have a life?” He snarled at him, trying to throw him off.

“Me? I’m here at my apartment. Why did you want to come by for milk and cookies or something?”

“Earlier-- I’m sorry, Carisi, are you interrogating me? Do I need an alibi for some mystery crime?” He got even more defensive. You’d feel bad if you didn’t know how important it was to keep this affair under wraps now.

“Right, no I don’t know about any ‘cousin’ of yours, Carisi, but if they’re anything like you I fear for your bloodline,” He rolled his eyes and hung up the phone. He looked at you, who now had a very offended look on your face.

“What?” He shrugged. “Oh come on, you know I didn’t mean that I was just giving him shit,”

“Did you have to give him so much shit?!” You hit him lightly.

“It’s how we work, carino,” He assured you. “You’d know that if you saw us together,”

“Oh I don’t think I ever want to see you togeth--” You started to yell at him but Sonny’s voice came back on your line.

“Hey sunshine,” You heard his voice. “Sorry about that, I just had to check something,”

“Right,” You said into the phone, while glaring at Rafael. He was still giving you a pleading look, begging you to forgive him for his transgression on the phone.

“So who’s this lawyer you’re cozying up with then?”

“Uh….” You suddenly realized he probably knew all the lawyers, or at least a good amount, and you were shit at lying. You started snapping your fingers at Rafael for a name, any name. He started running names through his brain, thinking out loud. “Uhhh….Barlow, Buchanan,”

“Buchanan,” You replied, making Rafael’s jaw drop. He shook his head “NO” violently.

“I’m sorry, Buchanan?”

“Y-Yeah why?”

“Big fat dickhead of a defense attorney Buchanan?”

“OH,” Your eyes went wide as you realized why Rafael didn’t want you to use that name-- that was unbelievable.

“Um, yeah--YES,” You had to stick to this now, you were in it. “He’s a very sweet gentleman, you’re obviously just too judgmental,”

“...Yeah, I’m sure that’s it,” You could hear Sonny’s eyes roll through the phone. “Do me a favor cuz, please?”

“What’s that?” You asked him nervously.

“Excuse yourself, call a cab and go home,” He begged you. “That Buchanan is no good, I promise you,”

“...You know what you’re absolutely right Son, I’m going to go tell him right now. Okay? I’ll call you tomorrow,” You said quickly into the phone and hung up on your cousin before he could answer.

“What the ever loving FUCK?!!!!” You shook your hands at him in anger.

“What are you mad at me for?!” Rafael scoffed.

“You know my cousin?”

“I mean, technically he works for me,” He shrugged.

“Does he?” You were skeptical of that.

“Well, he follows me around like a puppy enough,” He smirked with a laugh.

“Oh my god-- OH MY GOD,” It didn’t occur to you until this very moment that Sonny had indeed mentioned his “mentor” Rafael Barba to you. More than a few times. How did you not remember that? It was his damn smile, that had to be it. Or maybe your brain was just protecting you from the truth, knowing how your heart felt.

“So how about you, Miss Jersey?” Rafael crossed his arms. “I find it hard to believe that Sonny has never mentioned his ‘idol’,”

“Oh could you be any more--”

“His words, not mine!” He defended.

“....Fine, alright,” You put up your hands in defeat. “He has mentioned you, but I swear to you I did not recall that connection at any point tonight until this very second!”

“Mmmhmm,”

“What do you mean mmmhmm?” You scoffed. “You think I just wanted to seduce my cousin’s love interest to hurt him or something?”

“I’m sorry, his what?” Rafael stopped you.

Shit. SHIT. You shouldn’t have said that. Why did you say that. Why did you remember THAT of all things? Damn appletinis!

“What? Nothing, doesn’t matter--”

“No no no,” He wagged his finger as he walked closer to you. “Did you-- does-- Are you saying Sonny has a thing for me?”

“I mean,” You shrugged. “He...I mean, I don’t know for sure.”

“...Meaning…?”

“Meaning...we don’t...we don’t talk about stuff like that,” You wrung your hands out uncomfortably.

“Stuff like what?”

“Like...about boys,” You made an uncomfortable face.

“Oh jesus christ…” He muttered.

“I’m just saying!” You put your hands on his shoulders. “Look, all I know is there’s a certain way you talk about someone when you-- feel a certain way about them,”

“Well, yeah, he idolizes me,” He tried laughing it off nervously. “I mean, obviously that’s probably why he would talk about me so...warmly?”

“Mmm….” You made a face. “I don’t know, it just seemed like he described you as less like ‘a guy I wanna be’ and more like ‘a guy I wanna bang,’”

“Oh, oh my god,” Rafael had to sit down. “This is...this is a nightmare,”

“Hey!” You suddenly got defensive. “You could do a lot worse than my cousin, Barba!”

“I don’t want to do worse, I want to do YOU!” He blurted out, causing a very shocked look from you.

“....That came out wrong,” He turned red instantly. “I’m sorry, I’m just-- this, this is a lot of information to get in so little time with so much alcohol in my system,”

“Yeah,” You nodded, joining him on the couch. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that,” You put your hand on his knee.

“I mean….” Rafael looked to the sky and laughed dryly before looking at you. “What the fuck are we supposed to do now? What am I supposed to do now?!”

“What do you mean you?!” You scoffed. This was your problem too!

I can’t just ‘un-know’ all of this information, Y/N!” He stood up and paced his living room. “I can’t-- I can’t pretend now that I don’t know that Carisi has…” He stopped and put his hands over his face. “I can’t...I can’t even say it,”

“Look, maybe you’re right,” You stood up. “Maybe I misread him, maybe he really does just...idolize you,”

“Either way, you’re still his cousin, and he’d still kill me for….dating, you,”

“Date? Is that what we were about to do? Date? That’s a new word for it,” You smirked.

“Ok well I’m not about to fuck my protege’s kid cousin now, so--” He half chuckled, but stopped when he saw your hurt expression.

He didn’t have to say it like that-- sure were you about to get…’biblical’? Sure. But he made it sound so dirty. And you hadn’t even just thought of it as a hit and quit-- although why you thought it would be more than that was beyond you. And forget it now.

“Well, then,” You shook your head with a laugh, sucking back hurt tears. “I guess I should get home,”

“No, wait Y/N,” Rafael ran over and stepped in front of you. “I- I didn’t mean it like that, I’m sorry. It’s just…”

“It’s a lot,” You reminded him.

“It is,” He agreed softly.

“So…” You bit back tears. “It’s probably good that we found this out now. Before we...did anything we’d regret,”

“...I-...I guess so,” He looked down at your hands.

“Mmmkay well,” You cleared your throat and wiped away the dampness from your eyelids.

“I should probably just get home to Jersey, and--” You stepped around him and opened the door.

“And forget we ever had this conversation. Or, y’know what forget we ever met, really,” You stared holes into the floor, refusing to look into his gorgeous eyes.

But he wasn’t letting you go that easily. He stepped forward and put his hand over yours that was holding the door open, and cupped your cheek to look up at him.

“...Is that really what you want to do?” He asked you with a very soft, caring tone.

“Isn’t that what you want?” You could barely whisper without tears clogging your throat. “Isn’t this all ‘too much’?”

“I didn’t say it was too much, I said it was a lot,” He half smiled.

“But what was this gonna be, huh Barba?” You gestured between the two of you. “You barely know me, and you asked me back to your apartment. I’m probably a decade younger than you, nowhere near as half as smart or as wealthy as you--”

“I don’t care--”

“And I live in Jersey, which you hate!” You finished. “So...so what did you think was gonna happen? Huh? Did you invite me here for a fairy tale romance, or a royal fuck?”

“I…” He scratched his head. “To be honest with you, I didn’t think about anything,”

“What?” You made a quizzical face.

“I was just thinking how beautiful you are, and how creative and funny you are-- nothing like women I date,” He confessed.

“Or as old,” You remarked.

“Right,” He chuckled. “Well, I don’t want you to think I’m an old perv, I really don’t go for...younger, women,”

“Well I’m not exactly looking for Sugar Daddies all the time either,” You chuckled softly yourself.

“So um--” He now played with your hands.

“...Weird, secret friends?” You bit your lip with an awkward smile as his eyes lit up at the term.

“I’d like that,” He nodded, taking your phone from you and putting his number in.

“Good,” You took his phone and did the same.

“....Can weird secret friends still mess around?” Rafael’s eyebrows wiggled suggestively.

“Y’know I’m still weirded out by the fact that my cousin has probably pictured you naked longer than I have, so--”

“Oh,” Rafael grimaced. “Oh god-- you ruined it,”

“That’s me,” You teased. "Y/N-- Mood killer,”

“I’ll see you later, killer,” Rafael pulled you into a small slow kiss anyway, despite your cousin quipping.

“Later counselor,” You pecked his cheek one more time before walking out of his apartment and down the stairs.

So, you were now definitely smitten with the guy your cousin and best friend in the world was also possibly smitten with, but either very much idolized. Oh, and there’s the part where Sonny doesn’t approve of anyone you ever date ever, let alone someone he knows and who is probably old enough to be your dad-- sure, this was fine.

This is totally fine.

#rafael barba #rafael barba x you #rafael barba x reader #rafael barba fanficton #rafael barba imagine #law and order svu #sonny carisi #weird secret friends

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emmys-grimoire · 4 years ago

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Lesson 54 analysis + 55 predictions

This lesson was light on the lore, so this will be mercifully short.

If I can find out how to post commentary with 10+ images later, I'll do that and give you all the juicy spoilers. Until then, though, you'll have to settle for the highlights. Apologies.

Barbatos's Origins

The interesting morsels in Lesson 54 are Barbatos-related, naturally. It wasn't so much a character arc for him so much as it was a finally-getting-to-know-him-sort-of arc.

Sort of.

This makes it obvious that Barbatos was not always in his current position, and that Devildom society considered the position beneath his power and capabilities as a demon. He's likely more powerful than the brothers, who are considered the rulers of the Devildom alongside Diavolo.

I've theorized before that this bit in Season 1 may give us some insight into Luke's potential origins, but it is also just as relevant to Barbatos, who is clearly the manservant it's alluding to.

It's not entirely out of the realm of possibility that this is a red herring they had no serious intention on following up in later seasons: something to just throw out there for funsies and to create an amusing anime title. Personally, since we've found out that Solomon has had someone he pined for in the past, I think we're full up of long lost love backstories and there may be too much overlap if they intend to go with it.

If they really want to jump the shark, both Barbatos and Solomon could have once loved Lilith! No other women exist in the story outside of Lilith and possibly MC!

There's are other interesting crumbs in Barbatos-related Devilgrams and chat conversations.

This hints at some special regard for humans as a whole. As we found out in the previous lesson, Barbatos decided to answer Solomon's summons, for whatever reason. Why does Barbatos have a soft spot for humans, I wonder?

I think there's a decent chance that we'll find out that Barbatos is some ancient, primordial being that predates the creation of the Devildom and the Celestial Realm -- or an entity that just always existed along space and time itself. Obviously Barbatos is a demon now, but it may have been a voluntary choice on his part to become one OR he was changed due to some mishap on his part (like falling in love with an angel and "messing up" in his quest to be with them, or the previous Demon King doing something to him).

We do know that Barbatos acts more like a caretaker towards Diavolo than just a servant, and Diavolo -- the most powerful being in the Devildom -- feels obligated to mind him. The reason behind this is probably related to how he came to be in the Demon King's service.

He’s a weird snake thing in demon form so he might be related to the ouroboros, which is supposed to embody the start and end of time.

Innate Angel Abilities

It's nothing new or surprising, but we learn that angels may have innate qualities that draw humans to them. Barbatos is unsurprised when you tell him you're fond of Simeon and Luke.

It might just be varying degrees of the super charisma that Lucifer and Michael are alluded to have, but it might also contribute to MC's apparent magnetism. The game repeatedly alludes to our pseudo-angelness.

It might also, funnily enough, work on demons.

But Diavolo has admitted he doesn't like Simeon, who was once a high-ranking angel, so I won't be surprised if Lucifer is just special.

Barbatos's Grimoire

We learned it was a fake, so Barbatos may not necessarily trust Solomon as much as he said he did in the previous lesson. It was a ploy he and Asmodeus were in on all along!

Though I'd argue agreeing to a pact with him still suggests there's a high degree of trust there. Solomon might still have it: he might just not have trusted us to have it. The whole trial was to demonstrate that we could keep a secret/not violate Barbatos's trust.

And I was right, it was the trial of chastity.

We have just diligence and humility left.

Predictions

It sounds like we may be heading to a theme park for the next lesson. Beelzebub and Belphegor have fond memories of sneaking off to human carnivals back when they were angels, so I wouldn't be surprised if the trial of diligence has an arc involving Belphegor. He's up for one.

I've theorized the trial of humility will be last on the docket and will revolve around Lucifer. That's where the climax is gonna be, or it will be after that trial is completed and we get our last star. Others have pointed out that it could involve a conflict with the Sorcerer's Society due to the shenanigans Solomon's past apprentice pulled. We are, after all, doing all this to get our coveted sorcerer's license so we're legit.

We still haven't figured out what Michael intends to do. We've went from talking about him frequently to not talking about him at all, but the storyline do be like that sometimes.

We still have six lessons left, so there's plenty of room for something to happen.

#obey me #obey me!#obey me barbatos #obey me lucifer #obey me simeon #obey me luke #obey me solomon #analysis #obey me lesson 54 #obey me lesson 55 #obey me spoilers #obey me diavolo #obey me season 3

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highpriestessofjogan · 3 years ago

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Every once in a while I’m not in the mood to write fiction...

Sometimes I like to do literary analysis for funsies, or, surprisingly enough thanks to the content of this post, music analysis as well.

When I first watched Guardian, there was one song that stood out to me more than most of the others from the OST. It was always used in the scenes with more emotional weight, and was so haunting that it lingered in my mind long after the scene had passed. Once I was able to hunt the soundtrack down on Amazon (a feat that was much more difficult than it should have been imho) I came to learn that this song was actually Shen Wei’s theme. Shen Wei’s theme was in all of the emotionally hard hitting scenes and haunted me for long after the show had finished.

One day I was driving to work and I was just looping it over and over for my entire commute. It’s an hour long commute ya’ll. Just that song, over and over and over (and I’ve played it for several hours on a loop before and I have no doubt I will do it for many more times to come, this song is beautiful and haunting and I love it to death). As I listened I started to make some realizations, and as those realizations came to light it left me even more heartbroken than originally.

The Shen Wei OST is a perfect character journey. It tells his story in a way that words simply could not come close to. I’ve tried to sum up my best analysis of this song and what it means, and I’m sure I don’t even come close to what Luo Kun intended when he composed the song, but I hope that he would at least agree I have parts of it right.

I’m going to put the actual analysis beneath a “Read More” so please, drop me a line if you like what you read or if you want to discuss it further. I’d love to chat about this! It’s broken up into five distinct movements that I think relate to different points in Shen Wei’s life, and I should mention that this is looking at the character purely from the perspective of the drama. At some point I might go back and see if I can tie it into the novel at all, but that has not been taken into consideration here.

I’d like to state above the cut that my thanks go out to @elvencantation and @eirenical for looking over my initial drafts and giving me their opinions and helping with musical instrument identification. I might come back and clean this up someday, but for right now, I wanted to get something out there for everyone to read. I hope that you enjoy it.

Part I. Gege (0:00 - 0:35)

There is a very melancholy feel to the song, but it also has the quiet grace and strength that the audience can always associate with Shen Wei. This is the beginning of his journey though. This is a young boy caring for his brother. A boy who tries to protect and is cast aside, thrown down to the dirt, and returns too late to save the one remaining person still precious to him. The beginning of this song paints the picture of a solitary figure against the horizon, short in stature from age and inexperience, a blade much too big gripped in too small a hand. The piano solo here emphasizes his lone search for his brother and hoping against all hopes that he might one day find him and the two of them could be reunited.

Part II. Xiao Wei (0:36 - 1:08)

At 37 seconds in the strings make their entrance. I like to think it was a deliberate choice to have Zhao Yunlan pick up the violin during the Tan Xiao and Zheng Yi case, because I firmly believe the strings in this soundtrack are supposed to represent Zhao Yunlan just as the piano represents Shen Wei. These 32 seconds represent the Shen Wei that we see during episodes 34 and 35 in Ye Olde Haixing Era. A bright eyed energetic young warrior who cares about his men despite his position. He hides his fear behind a mask, under a hood, and does what he can to help in the war. But here is also when Kunlun arrives. A famous general who miraculously takes an interest in HIM. And what has he done to warrant such attention? The kindness that he is shown here helps to shape him, mold him into a stronger warrior, a stronger person, but it will be millennia before he will learn why Kunlun saw him for the person he was rather than the blade and power he wielded.

The strings here do not try to overwhelm the piano here, even though they easily could. Instead they seem to try to entwine with the notes from the piano and guide them. It’s a graceful dance between the two that represents the close partnership that Shen Wei and Kunlun shared during the war.

Part III. The Black Cloak Envoy (1:09 - 1:39)

This part of the song is particularly interesting to me. The piano is still present, but the tune has changed, the same for the strings, but now the sounds of a woodwind have joined the other two. It’s at this point Shen Wei has woken up after 10,000 years. He’s thrust into a new world that he must learn, and a Dixing that is far worse off than he ever imagined it would be. He is a legend, but he does not try to take power. His duty is still his to fulfill, but he does not seek to take power aside from that. This is the new life that he forges for himself, from who he was as a boy, to who Kunlun helped him become, but this is something he creates to survive in a world that is unfamiliar to him.

Now he is not needed as just a blade, although he will be that when it is necessary. Now he can pursue his love and inherent gift for learning. This is the man who emerges from the ground and takes up bioengineering as a field of study. This is the person who befriends Cheng Xinyan and probably has more than one or two study sessions with her. This is the college student that I’m sure was dragged to at least one karaoke night to blow off some steam, and may have discovered his aversion to alcohol that same night. This is someone who lived.

Part IV. Professor Shen (1:40 - 2:11)

The woodwind fades out and we are left with the string and the piano once more. The string though is more like the tide, pushing and pulling against the piano, but that is very fitting for the section of the song, and Shen Wei’s life, that Zhao Yunlan is introduced into. The strings surge forth and ease back, pushing Shen Wei for answers, but also easing back when he seems ready to break. The piano has returned to its tune from the first two movements, and it’s probably due to the uncertainty that Zhao Yunlan has brought into his life. Why has Kunlun suddenly reappeared and why is he acting like he doesn’t know who Shen Wei is? Why does Da Qing not remember him? In the face of these questions he retreats to who he was before, until he can determine what the best course of action to take is. If Kunlun is testing him or doesn’t remember too he doesn’t want to risk the chance that the man will not recognize him. This could be why we see the fond smiles and confused blinks, aspects that are so inherent to his character.

Part V. Shen Wei (2:12 - End)

I’m not going to lie, it was coming up with this part that really broke my heart. The strings remain, but fade to the background and are only faintly known. The piano has returned, and is at the forefront once more with no question as to who the lead is. Through all the changes in his life, he has come to realize who he truly is. He is a brother who is afraid he has failed his twin. A warrior and leader afraid he has failed his people. A man afraid that he will lose everything, but willing to make that sacrifice to save his friends and family, to keep the man he loves safe. He is no longer just a blade to be used. He has a purpose, one that has not been forced on him but that he has chosen for himself.

This is the Shen Wei who decides to use the light energy from Zhao Yunlan to make himself a living bomb. The man who decides that if his brother cannot be made to stand down then he will force him to. This is the man who looks into the eyes of his lover as he lays bloodied and broken on the ground, who sees all that they could have had in their lives, and silently begs forgiveness even as he makes the ultimate sacrifice.

And then the song fades out with the slowing piano notes, just as Shen Wei’s life ends with the slowed beating of his heart...

#guardian #zhen hun #镇魂 guardian #shen wei #zhao yunlan #kunlun #weilan #black cloak envoy #hei pao shi #caitlin analyzes stuff and things #caitlin also makes herself sad doing it #caitlin makes great life choices

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btsslowburnfic · 4 years ago

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The Arrangement Ch 17

Story summary: Desperately in need of money, you answered the questionable ad. AKA-Arranged marriage AU featuring Y/N and Yoongi

Chapter Summary: Part one of the photoshoot

Previous Chapter here

The work week proceeded as normal. Well, what had become normal. Delivering coffee and reminding Yoongi to eat, answering emails, trying to figure out which meetings Yoongi actually needed to go to and which ones were a waste of time. Of course you always went to the meetings, and holy shit you couldn’t believe the topics couldn’t have been discussed via email. You were looking forward to this particular day because you got to go visit Hoseok in the style department and Jimin had decided he was tagging along “for funsies.”

Yoongi was supposed to go and get measured and try on clothes for his photoshoot. When you reminded him that morning he laughed at you, “Uh no. Hoseok knows what size I wear. He can figure it out. Go look at the clothes and I might try some of them on tonight.”

You and Jimin met up for lunch and then headed up to the styling department.

“I’m excited. I’ve never been to a photoshoot before.” You said bouncing up and down in the elevator.

“Yeah, they’re pretty boring actually. Like if it’s with some of the hotter models it’s a little fun for the eye candy, but then you feel bad for them because they have to sit for so long making awkward faces. They are constantly getting their make-up and hair touched up. Touch base with craft services to make sure there’s plenty of water. The lights are bright.”

You took out your phone, “Oh thanks. I wouldn’t have even thought about that. Any other tips?”

“It’s Yoongi. It won’t take as long as it does with the other people. He’ll show up, do it, and leave. JK and Tae, especially Tae, want to chat with everyone on set and if they are together it takes foreeeeevvvveeeeeerrrrr.”

“Huh, ok. Thanks.” The two of you arrived at JHOPE Fashion and walked through the rainbow vomit doors.

Hoseok was wearing glasses with yellow lenses today, which made his dramatic facial expressions stand out even more. He immediately rolled his eyes. He pointed to you. “You are not Yoongi.” He pointed to Jimin. “And you are not Yoongi.” He put his hands on his hips. “So why are the two of you here?”

“I’m sure you can guess why.” You responded dryly.

“Ugh. That ungrateful man. I had lovingly hand stitched these pieces. For him. These patches...” Hoseok pressed his fingers together as though he was praying. “Fine. Fine. You. Y/N. Come. You. Jimin. Wait right there.”

Jimin’s eyes went wide. “Me? Why do I have to wait here?”

Hoseok turned from where he had started to walk towards the back. “You will thank me in a minute. A certain someone is coming to get his fitting in a few minutes.” He raised an eyebrow and then turned around, his heels clacking against the red tile floor.

Jimin started to blush profusely and before you could ask, Hobi interrupted, “Come new girl. We have work to do especially if that boss of yours refuses to come here and experience these magnificent beauties for himself.”

You followed him through the large door, which led to lime green hallways and then to a quiet, more muted workspace. The walls were lined with fabric bolsters, the middle tables with ribbon, thread, patches, paint. Paint?

Hoseok sat down. “From what I understand, this album will have an acoustic feel to it versus his previous albums. For that reason I have chosen these natural materials such as cotton, linen, and denim.” He spread out several pieces onto the large table. “I have also opted for a more neutral pallet, as much as it hurts my soul. I have chosen colors found in nature. I have chosen brightly colored accessories such as these silks to stand in contrast with the stiff fabric and more neutral colors he will be wearing. Additionally, I avoided black. We’ll see if he notices.”

You watched as he draped the red and purple silks over the top of the clothes. For whatever reason, you found it mesmerizing watching the fabric juxtapositioned in such a way. “It’s so cool to hear you tell a story just using clothes.” You said, somewhat enchanted.

Hoseok flicked his eyes up to you, “Thank you. That is what I try to do with my collections. Everyone’s outfit tells a story, even if they don’t mean for it to. May I?” He asked, stepping back and gesturing at you.

“Oh man. You know I don’t dresses fancy--”

“Shhhh you don’t tell me.” He looked at your outfit. You had opted for an Aline skirt and blouse with a casual blazer. “You had meetings this morning, that’s obvious by the jacket. You usually dress cuter. Which means you are either sick or not feeling great. You look fine. So I’m guessing...you are on your period. Sorry, this just comes out, I can’t stop it,” he paused for a moment as your jaw dropped open slightly. He stepped closer, inspecting the shoulders of your jacket. “The blazer is at least ten years old but you shouldn’t have had a blazer ten years ago unless it was for your school uniform and that isn’t a school jacket. Which means it probably belonged to an older sister or aunt. You are very responsible and well organized otherwise you wouldn't be Yoongi’s assistant. Therefore you are most likely the oldest or only child so that is your aunt’s jacket. Your blouse is nice. You actually like it, you’ve worn it twice in the week you’ve been working here. You bought it at a thrift store. You don’t spend a lot of money on yourself, but you are very confident. Therefore, it’s not that you don’t think you deserve nice things, it’s just that you can’t afford them so you likely grew up poor and it has continued into your adulthood.”

“Holy shit. You should be a detective.” You said to him.

“The shoes, I gave you last week. They don’t have a story yet, other than a very good -looking man in a suit helped you out because Jimin said you were a nice girl. You wear zero accessories which shows a lack of both funds and sentimentality. Most people have at least one piece of jewelry that means something to them, but if you have one, you don’t wear it.” He smiled at you, his white teeth gleaming. “ Now, how much am I right about?” He crossed his hands in front of his chest.

You clapped your hands as though you were in an audience. “All of it. Although I am still weirded out that you know I’m on my period. Next time I’m going to wear something skin tight to throw you off.” You joked.

“Well,” he started, “At least now that you work here you don’t have to worry as much right?”

Given the shitshow you went through this weekend you weren’t sure about that, but you shrugged, “It definitely pays better. And money doesn’t buy happiness, but it sure helps make some things less hard.” You gestured to the pile of fabric on the table, “So...what do I do? Take these clothes with me for Yoongi to try on or will they be at the photoshoot tomorrow? Do I need to bring them to the photoshoot?”

Hoseok sighed dramatically, “I could dress Yoongi drunk, in my sleep. He can just show up tomorrow and I will dress him then. My staff will make sure the clothes and accessories are at the photoshoot. Here,” He walked over to one of the garment racks. “More clothes for you. I know you have a big closet. And if you run out of space, just take Yoongi’s, he only wears like three things despite my best efforts.”

You laughed, “Yeah, you’re not kidding. Ok thanks,” You took the clothing. “I appreciate it.”

“It’s no trouble. Feel free to see yourself out, I’ll see you tomorrow. Oh and please make sure the catering has strawberries.”

“Strawberries? Got it.” You were learning so much today.

You exited the backroom and saw Jimin over near one of the pedestals. He was chatting with JK who was getting fitted with a corset. What an itty bitty waist, you admired. The two of them seemed to be having a good time and you had a new list of things to do so you waved at Jimin and headed to 1802 to drop off your new clothes. You had forgotten Hoseok knew you lived with Yoongi. The week had flown by.

You sent a text message to Jiwoo asking if you could stop by her desk and ask her a few questions to make sure everything was set up for tomorrow and then stopped by the apartment.

You conferred with her and learned how to navigate catering requests via the company website; apparently it wasn’t available on the app, good to know. you felt much better about the shoot tomorrow but still nervous and excited.

You knocked on the door to Genius Lab. No answer. Never any answer. You typed the code in and saw Yoongi wearing his headphones, lost in his own world. He had told you to just wait on the sofa when this was the case and that he would eventually notice you. Normally the smell of coffee was what alerted him to your presence, but you had come empty handed today. You sat down on the couch and took out your phone.

YN: I don’t mean to alarm you. But there’s something behind you.

You saw his phone light up. He ignored it for a minute, presumably to finish listening to a song, and then picked it up. You heard him laugh and take off his headphones. “You are the worst.” He spun around.

“So mean. Hey. Tomorrow is my first photoshoot. I checked on the outfits for you. By the way, Hoseok is like Sherlock Holmes with clothing. I learned I’m supposed to contact catering, I have hair and make-up requests in. Do I need to do anything else?”

Yoongi thought for a minute. He never really participated in that side of the photoshoot, now that he reflected on it. He walked his way through a day on set. “No. The changing rooms and photography are handled by other departments. Check with Jiwoo or Jimin, they’ve both set up a shoot before.”

“I did. I’m getting ready to send in the last food request. Any requests?”

“Mandarins. I don’t like to eat a lot on set because I don’t want stuff getting stuck in my teeth.”

“That makes sense. Ok. I’ll let you get back to it then.” You got up and stretched.

“Tomorrow will go fine. If you forgot anything, it will be somewhere in this building.” He reassured you.

“That makes me feel a lot better.” You said honestly. “Alright, I’ll see you around.”

“Later.”

--------------------

The next day arrived with Yoongi heading off to the hair and make-up department and you heading to the 11th floor to see what the photo set up looked like. You exited the elevator. Man your hands were sweaty, you followed the sounds of voices and made your way to the shooting location. The lighting crew was checking their overheads, a stand-in was posing on the various props they had set out. It looked as though there were three separate “areas” for shooting photos. One area had a large white couch, complete with coffee table, rubber plant, magazines. The whole set up designed to look like a living room. A second space was a blue sheet with a white background. The third space was a kitchen, complete with an island, stovetop, and refrigerator. Holy moly this space was huge. You marveled at it.

“Hello, can I help you?” An older man walked over.

“Oh hi, I’m YLN. Yoongi’s assistant. I was stopping by to check the set up. It looks incredible.”

“Thank you. Yes. Here, let me walk you through it.”

You received a tour of the set and also an overview of the order of shooting. You also found out that next week, weather permitting, there would be a second shooting at the park across the street. You got catering checked in, or at least pointed to the table and felt like you did a thing. The same happened when the clothing team showed up. You pointed to dressing rooms and the vanity where the accessories trunk should go. You were thankful no one had asked you any questions so far. This was a steep learning curve. You had hoped someone you knew might be here today to help ease your nerves, but so far, it was all new faces.

Finally, you saw one familiar face. Alice walked in, carrying a small case with her. You waved.

“Hey! It’s nice to see you again.” She said. “I had no idea you were Yoongi’s assistant until today.”

“Oh, yeah. I guess I didn’t mention that. I was so overwhelmed that first day,” you smiled.

“No worries. He was just telling me and Bongcha that he had an assistant now. He’s almost done. His make-up is setting. I’m on hair today which isn’t my strong suit, but it’s not like he’s needing a fancy up-do or anything and it’s good for me to practice.”

“Ok great. This is my first time at a photoshoot, so if there’s something I’m supposed to be doing but I’m not, can you let me know?” You confided in her.

“Absolutely. It looks like most of the stuff is set up how it usually is. Just remember,” she got closer to you and spoke quieter, “You are Yoongi’s assistant. Some of these people, especially these older guys will try to get you to do stuff like get their coffee, grab them snacks. That is not your job. It’s not by job. If they have an assistant, it’s their job.”

“I knew I liked you when we first met,” you smiled at her. “Thanks for the heads up.”

“Anytime Unnie.”

She walked over and took out her hair tools and placed them on the table reserved for hair and make-up. A few minutes later you saw Yoongi walk in wearing a black shirt and grey sweats. His face looked even more beautiful than normal. Next to him was a petite girl with long black hair pulled up into a ponytail, dragging a make-up train behind her. Yoongi looked around for a second, and then locked eyes with you. You saw the tiniest smile threaten to come out as he walked over.

“Hey. Everything here looks good.” He gestured to the room.

“Thanks. I didn’t do most of it, I just pointed and people seemed to know what to do already. Your face looks good.”

Yoongi chuckled, “You can thank Bongcha for that. Bongcha, this is YN.”

Bongcha stuck out her hand, “Hi. Nice to meet you. I’ve heard so much about you.”

“Nice to meet you as well. You do good work. I give his face a 10/10. Highly recommend.”

“Well, it’s easy when you have such a great model to start with,” She smiled while looking up at Yoongi.

Yoongi had started to blush between the pair of compliments. “Is Hoseok here yet?”

“No not yet.” You took out your phone to see if you had any messages from Hoseok. Nope. You looked back up, “Bongcha, I’m sure you already know, but the make-up table is over there. Alice is setting up right now.”

“Great, thanks!” She headed over, her shiny hair swishing behind her.

Speak of the devil in blue himself, Hoseok strutted in at that exact moment wearing an electric blue suit. His crisp white shirt underneath popped beneath the jacket, and his pocket square had little sunshines on it.

“Wow. You look like the sky.” You said before you could help it.

“Thank you. Indeed. It was my inspiration today. It’s a crime to be indoors beneath these artificial lights on such a beautiful day. Oh well. It can’t be helped.” He laid eyes on Yoongi, like a predator gazing on its prey, “Yoongi. Baby. Come.”

Yoongi scrunched his face. “Don’t call me baby. If you miss the sunlight so much, leave. I know how to dress myself.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, you don't know which pieces go together.” Hoseok grabbed Yoongi by the shoulders and started leading him over to the clothing section, leaving you to laugh at the pair of them. You went over to the table you had set up for yourself between make-up and the food. You had printed off several lists that morning to help you stay focused. You checked off several action items. Satisfied, you sat your clipboard down and looked around. It was a well-oiled machine for sure. You walked over to the hair and make-up table. “Hey ladies.”

“Hey! Have you two met yet?” Alice asked, referring to Bongcha.

“Yep, we just did.” Bongcha confirmed, putting on her make-up apron and filling it with various powders and brushes.

“Ooooo we should do a make-up party sometime.” Alice squealed. “We try to do it with all the new girls. And since Yoongi is” she hushed her voice again “One of our favorites. We have to take care of his assistant.”

You smiled, “Sure. That sounds nice. Excuse me.” You decided to go see how the clothes were going.

“Yes. Yoongi’s assistant. So glad you’re here.” Hoseok turned to you.

“She has a name, it’s YN.” You heard Yoongi say from behind the curtain.

“Yes yes. I know. We talked yesterday, remember? At that meeting I scheduled for me and you that you did not come to. Anyways, here. The outfits are now coordinated. They have tags on them corresponding to their accessory in the accessory trunk. Some pieces have more than one option that the Director of Photography and Yoongi will decide on. Got it?”

You looked over the set up. It seemed simple enough since Hoseok had organized it so well .”Yep. You going out to enjoy the sunshine?”

“Honey, I am the sunshine. I’m off to get laid after having to deal with this cloudy baby.” He gestured to the changing room.

“Don’t call me baby.” Yoongi shouted from behind the curtain. You just laughed as Hoseok turned around and left. You waited for a few minutes.

“You ok in there? Need me to come help you put your pants on?” You teased.

“Not necessary.” Yoongi slid open the curtain. Why was everyone teasing him today? He pouted without thinking about it.

You walked over, straightening the collar of his shirt “Hey now, you can’t go around pouting like a baby and not expect people to call you one. Here,” you handed him a mandarin. He scowled at you as he took it. “Such a pretty face” You laughed.

“Yeah whatever. I can eat this while they set up the white meter. You should be fine to just hang around at this point.”

“Alright. Sounds good.” The two of you walked over to the main part of the set where the Director gave Yoongi instructions about where to sit as they practiced the blocking and softbox placement.

“Oh my god he looks so good eating that tangerine.” You overheard. Your eyes bugged out slightly and you turned around. A group of women from the photography team were looking at the images to check the saturation and focus, as well as apparently the model. Damn. NEXT CHAPTER

@lidda @anpanman-sonyeondan @firefairy1 @cuteipat @sugaslittlekookies @janeelizabeth1216 @deeepvibes @gxldenhunny @livelyjay @niniita-ah @bobbyboops @honeysunandsoil @deathkat657

#BTS suga #bts writing #bts fic #suga x you #suga x reader #yoongi scenarios #bts yoongi x reader #yoongi x reader #yoongi x you #yoongi x y/n #suga x y/n #bts suga x reader #bts suga x you

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sanstropfremir · 4 years ago

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kingdom episode 5 review!!! lets fucking go!!!!!

look. was i insanely hyped for this episode? yes. was my hype justified? also yes. holy FUCKING SHIT. you’ll have to forgive me for going off the rails at some points because ateez and btob directly tapped into something primal in my brain and i am obsessed. i'm obsessed. there’s no other word for it I’m obsessed.

ok ok ok i'll focus. i'm focused. i'll do the stage breakdown first and then do my personal ranking at the end. i might do a quick runup comparison of the self and expert rankings for funsies but i'll see how i feel when i get there. instead of going in airing order i’m gonna reverse it, since that was the order i actually watched them in and also i will run out of brains if i talk about rhythm ta first.

skz

i feel for skz. i don't think this show is going to be as much of learning curve as it needs to be for them because the fan voting skews the rankings so much. I’ve said it so many times before, but letting something flop or getting a bad ranking is actually good, because it shows you that you need to improve. because skz keeps getting validated by the fan rankings and placing first in the last two stages, they aren't actually taking the time to evaluate what about their stages is or isn't working. and besides, we’ve now seen two very similar concepts in a row from them, just one is on a grander scale than the other. what they should be doing is what both ateez and btob did for this round, which was scale up production value, but scale down concept. i know this sounds weird but i'll explain. skz has done two very abstract and ‘grand’ concepts. first round we had ghosts/good self vs evil self, and this stage they just went straight for the throat with a deal with the devil type stage. now when you combine these very abstract concepts with an unclear narrative arc, you lose clarity of intent in the performance because there are no specifics that you’re playing off of. there’s a lot more places left up to personal interpretation and this is where people can get lost. btob and ateez both narrowed down their concepts to hyperspecific scenarios where they very clearly showing the audience the arc the stage is taking. audiences can be smart but also if you can lead them by the hand they like not thinking about highly conceptual ideas, and especially not so much in a pop song competition show.

costume

this is so rare because generally stylists are pretty careful about this, but i genuinely think they got outshone by the backup dancers, especially in the ‘heaven’ sequence. those sash and skirt combos with the strapped white tops that look like straitjackets? the fucking angel wings?! these are some thematically fun costume designs and because they’re white they stand out so much more when skz are wearing black. i also think i've seen these tops on backup dancers before? i thought it was on the last stage but i might be going insane.

i am a sucker for beaded embroidery and the combined dyework on some of their sashes is beautiful. but again, thematically irrelevant? at least you can see the greco-roman inspiration in the backup dancers’ costumes. all this is telling me is that whoever the stitchers are at jype, they are fucking incredible, but they don’t actually have a good designer because the main costumes for all their stages have been both aesthetically similar and thematically irrelevant.

again, i applaud skz for trying more experimental makeup, but boys you have to go bigger, it has no impact right now.

set

well, i did ask for them to commit to the western art bit and they sort of delivered? the first space is not planned very well and combined with the wide wide camera shots instead of making the space seem grand and sweeping it just seems bare. the ‘heaven’ side was excellent though, there was much better control of the camera and the columns and altar scaled the space down so it was more believable. also the breakable columns were fun and corny and i love it when stuff gets destroyed onstage.

the child statue transformation into actual child was a neat trick that i think landed really well. i wish they had given that concept a little more grounding other than the flashback bit but it was still very readable.

i know using rodin's gates of hell is the easiest way to shortcut saying that like, “you are now entering hell,” but them being used SO literally feels a bit blunt when the last time we saw them used in kpop was by original blasphemous catholic lee taemin, who used them with such nuance and intelligence that i'm a bit put off by skz’s literalism.

on that note, i find it very interesting the conflation that happens between greco-roman/”classical” aesthetics and catholicism, because ideologically the two are opposed (see: the bible) and historically, they didn't exist at the same time. now i'm not going to go off on a tangent about neoclassicism because you are not here for an art history lecture but i thought i would make the observation about how catholics continued appropriation of greco-roman aesthetics without complete understanding or context of those aesthetics is as pervasive as it ever has been in the last several hundred years.

lighting

generally the lighting is pretty good, but there’s an over-reliance on projections that cheapens the look of the stage but also devalues the intentions as well. at the core of it there’s a profound statement being made about trading away your innocence, but when you underscore that with like, clock graphics and a WoW looking demon, it loses that simplicity of message.

the thing about using this particular type of projection, which are actually screens and not typical projectors, is that screens always throw light. and due to where they are situated, this basically means that if you're using the screens at full capacity with a cool colour range, we are going to be able to see everything. this is another contributing factor to why the stage looks so empty; they’re lighting up everything and it exposes where the gaps are.

now i fully acknowledge that this possibly could have been a deliberate choice, since they do actually use some spot lighting at the beginning and end. however, if it was it did not land for me.

i loved the intro of demon felix done in blue, that was a nice switchup from what we would usually see, but i wish there was more of a coherent colour arc. like the narrative it stutters around a bit.

sound

the arrangement was a miss for me. i found it a bit dissonant again, like their last stage, since the original i'll be your man has obvious lyrics about a good christian boy being sad about a girl. this gets a bit wonky conceptually as soon as you add a child self into it. i don’t know if they changed any of the lyrics in the singing to match this a little more because i don't speak korean, so i'll have to wait for episode subs for verification.

i really applaud them for trying, and overall they didn't actually do that bad, but skz is not a vocal group. the most i'm going to say about it is that these boys don’t have the breath support. this is likely because they're trying to do choreographically complex movements, but also it's a training thing. you can hear the difference even just between eunkwang’s ‘vocal warmup’ at the beginning of back door, he’s not projecting full voice but he still has the breath support for his voice to sound full, whereas all skz boys sound thin in comparison, even when at full volume, because they’re trying to project from the throat and not the chest. that's all i'm gonna say about that. i don't think the cracked note was bad, i didn’t really clock it on first listen.

staging

thematically they could have had something really interesting here if they stuck to a more simple narrative arc. the genesis (i’m very funny) of the idea here is good, the whole mephistopheles deal with a devil + regret/loss of innocence is clear, but the arc isn't really an arc, and the colour story doesn't help. it kind of goes earth (green/blue) -> the gates of hell are opening (red) -> oh it's heaven now (blue) -> oh just kidding it's hell/lets destroy heaven (red) -> back to earth (blue). not necessarily a bad arc, just a bit complex for four minutes.

the choreo was a lot better this time, there was a lot more intention and relevance to theme and i didn’t feel like they were flailing for the sake of flailing as much as i have in their other stages. there was also a clarity in the overall blocking and movement patterns that was missing from their other stages. this stage has a really great handoff of each member playing the ‘main’ character, especially in the beginning. i especially liked the cut from falling off the stairs to laying centre stage.

i think I’m right in assuming that it was a choice that the members were all playing the same character and demon felix was that character possessed rather than the actual devil, but personally i think it would have been a lot more fun if they had straight up just made him be the actual devil. there’s a bit of dissonance when you have a performer with such a specialized skillset that gets used in very specific instances, but then he shows up in the regular group choreo like any ol’ guy. they always put such emphasis on felix (as they should, he’s their most charismatic performer), but they never go the distance. i would have loved it if they had committed to the bit like TOO did in their magnolia stage from rtk, where they had a member just be blinded justice. that was literally the only thing he did and it worked so well. could have done the same here with felix and it would have been fun. that being said the felix parts were SO good. love love love him getting dragging in chains.

btob

this hit every little one of the buttons in my tiny backstage crew brain. i'm in love with this stage. there’s so many true to life little details here that on repeat viewings you're still finding new things. i know i rag on and on about narrative every week but here is a good example of what i've been trying to get at this whole time: the stage needs a shape. an a to b. you don't need a whole pirates spiel or a game of thrones theme extended universe; all you need is a clear setting and a point a to point b. this stage has both those things perfectly. we have a hyperspecific setting, (american rockstars) and a basic arc (getting ready to perform -> performing). even though back door is outside of btob’s wheelhouse, they spun it in a way that played to their strengths and did a bit braggadocio, which is rightfully earned. i'm gonna be saying it every time but the experience shows!!!

costume

good contemporary costume is SO difficult, i want to impress that here. because it's the the time period that we are currently living and seeing every day it's so easy for the audience to spot mistakes. although yes it's easier to source/shop for, to get it good enough that it doesn't pull people out of the immersion is surprisingly more difficult than you think. their stylists did an excellent job here. the backup dancers and btob are all in monochrome plus one and it adds a very clean unity to everything without visual clutter.

each of btob’s costumes have enough to give indication of character, along with the member’s acting, which i'll get more into in the staging section. regardless, never underestimate the power of a good fitting shirt and statement belt. oh and minhyuk in the stirrup motorcycle boots with the skinny jeans and the supreme boxers and the red satin robe? good bye.

i love love love a dyed buzz this was such a good aesthetic choice for peniel, 10/10 i have no complaints about the costumes.

set

oh my god i’m gonna french kiss this set designer. this is such a simple set but it’s executed so well. there’s the ‘backstage’ area, the corridor with four dressing rooms, and then the ‘stage’ that’s pretty much just velvet ropes. so simple, but all the detail is in the set decoration and props. the road cases, the monitor, the subtle flex of the posters of them on the walls, the clothing racks, all the booze. although this is not the actual layout of any theatre (they're normally much weirder than this), there’s so many little details here that really make the experience.

there’s a very straightforward path here and it works so well. i think this might be the best use of the gates so far? it appropriately suited the drama of the moment and they didn't have to do anything to them because they're already in a theatre. bada bing bada boom.

lighting

love the setup and continuation through the amber ‘BRRRMM.’ like with sf9 it gives a smooth transition into the stage. also loved no blackout. it's a general rule in current theatrical practice that you only use blackouts when they are absolutely necessary, because they can stop the pacing of a play dead in the water. so the lack of one here at the start of the stage was a really smart choice and makes the transition feel less jarring.

i will say that actual backstage areas are very rarely lit with amber because it travels far and it's bright. it's much more common to see running lights (the lights on during a performance) to be deep red or blue.

those blasting wash lights as the gates open? the DRAMA. such a seemingly innocuous choice that really cements the atmosphere of ‘we are about to perform.’

really smart use of the projections to accentuate the already existing stage facilities. it's pretty much unnoticable because it's very well done but i appreciate it.

sound

this ARRANGEMENT!!!! it's so good!!! back door has this premise essentially built into the song so it was so smart of them to put this gimmicky spin on it. loved the literal interpretation of the knocks into the structure of the stage, it makes the blend between the sound design and the staging that much more effective.

more rock versions of everything please and thank you.

btob is just stunting at this point and i love it. i'll have to wait for subs but judging by the hands in front of the camera bit and the ‘your super high note’ i’m pretty confident the added rap lyrics are full of shots at the other groups and honestly? valid.

staging

there's some really sharp camera control here with the one take first half. It’s up very close and personal because there’s a lack of space but it really works for the ‘intimacy’ of seeing backstage at a venue. also this is such a simple movement track but it’s so effective. it backs over a couple spots but it doesn't feel repetitive because there’s a sense of urgency and drive.

there are so many good little details in here that are true to life and unnecessary to include but sell the performance as a whole. peniel flinging water onstage, minhyuk stripping down twice and flinging his clothes around, minhyuk closing the door on the standby’s face, the backup dancer as a dresser with the laundry basket, peniel stealing the hat off her but then not going on stage with it these are all things that I’ve either had directly happen to me or something very similar has happened. but the best one and the one that sets off the tone amazingly for the whole stage is eunkwang’s intro. that ‘vocal warmup’ with the quiet okay at the end? with the little jump? i see that moment of vulnerability before the transition between person and actor every time i watch someone go onstage for the first time and there’s no way to describe it other than magic.

the luxury of only having four members, there was actually time in this stage to establish character. it also speaks to the performing strength of btob that they can establish clear character in this short amount of time. obviously it’s pretty one dimensional; there’s serious eunkwang, typical rocker minhyuk, fuckboy peniel (how many licks does it take to make your tootsie pop, anyone?), and comedian changsub. i’ve seen and met and worked with these exact dudes many, many times. ugh i love this stage

ateez

the utter euphoria i felt at the proof that last round’s stage wasn't a fluke. this stage is so good. it's so good. i'm obsessed with how good this stage. as an unreformed pop punk teen who played a LOT of latin jazz i am LIVING. if you’ve only seen the episode cut and not the full version here i'll make it easy and link it for you because oh my GOD mnet destroyed the pacing by cutting in a full minute and a half of reaction shots. actually mnet fucked up the pacing for all of these stages but this one was the worst. and look. i know this is the closest these boys are going to get to being real punks and this is a carefully curated and artificial facade for narrative purposes only but oh the pandering tastes so sweet. regardless of that, i am IN AWE of the level of storytelling happening here. the narrative is so clear on just the first viewing even though there is so much going on and they use every possible element they can to further enhance that narrative. repeat viewings just add more and more little details. i’ll probably miss some things because there's so much but i'll try my best.

costume

look, hanya and i were joking that my notes for this stage were just gonna be ‘san dog collar’ for a thousand words and i was so tempted to just leave it at that because.....woof. so here is a short list of things i am the most obsessed with:

san dog collar

san smeared lipstick

wooyoung cruella deville ponytail

hongjoong terrible blond crewcut

san crushed velvet cargo pants?!

seonghwa cropped fur jacket

yunho arm sleeve

hongjoong sockless in red derbys

but in all seriousness the costumes are so good. none of these are truly authentic punk looks but they capture the spirit right and that's what matters. all the right trappings are there; safety pins, patches, plaid, leather, and a lot of diy type looks. i love the painted masks, especially as a callback to the comedy/tragedy theatre masks. it was a thematic choice to have the backup dancers in black and the tac vests are a super simple contextual device.

also hongjoong’s quickchange hat/jacket combo is super fun and i hope that’s intentionally a preview of the next stage.

set

if you weren't convinced before that whoever is designing the ateez stages is a stage designer, i don't know what to tell you. it's hard to tell because there is so much environmental storytelling happening, but there is NO large scale set here. like with their last stage, kq smartly put money into two highlight pieces; the anarchist blimp and the van/wall, and the rest of the stage atmosphere is established solely through propwork and lighting. just think about that for a bit. every other group has some kind of large scale room or wall build. ateez has a bunch of tables, flyers, and a podium. i don’t know if i can accurately communicate just how difficult this kind of coordination is to pull off but holy fucking shit this is so hard to pull off. these are theatre people i see you and i see your work and i love you!!!

they fully used the gilt mnet stage as their pseudo government building and it works. everything about this (lack of) set is so smart i wish i could be more articulate about it but there’s so only so many ways i can say the same thing over and over again.

lighting

the laser scopes. the LASER SCOPES!!! god this lighting designer is so good. whoever you are, i'm acknowledging your effort because you deserve it. there’s some really wonderful contrast and directional lighting: the van light, the pinlights/lasers/smoke as searchlights. a lot of atmospheric red lighting but it makes sense for the theme (alarm lights) and they offset it well (unlike in the other two predominantly red stages we’ve seen) by fill lighting the faces with blue or amber; this is what actually makes us able to see what’s happening on stage

the projections are used to augment the stage action in without being overpowering, they're at relatively low tonal value so they aren't lighting up the stage at full brightness like in the skz stage.

the big brother eye on the tv screens (it's just a projection, not actual screens) combined with the government ban notice and the broadcast has to be the record for fastest visual explanation of fascist totalitarian state.

sound

i love it. they really successfully made rhythm ta into an ateez song and it’s cool as fuck. i love that it isn't sonically very loud. a lot of the chorus is actually quite level tone and quiet, which is a bold choice and they pull it off. this is very comfortably in their range (excluding jongho) and they went more for style than range and that's exactly what every group should be doing. singing high does not equal singing good. yes i am looking at you jongho you should have stopped at that penultimate note, it was fine!!

using rhythm ta as a pseudo protest song against a fascist government that’s banned all music and art? galaxy brain. that intro of hongjoong whispering “hey hey hey hey, this is just a song so get on the rhythm” after gunning down military police/guards? king fucking shit.

staging

i will eat all five pairs of my fluevog boots if kq hasn't hired a bunch of theatre professionals to direct and design these stages because now it's been proven that last stage wasn't a fluke. the level of execution at work here is absolutely incredible. oh the gesamtkunstwerk of it all!!! there is SO much happening so quickly in this four minute stage and it still manages to convey exactly the correct amount of information that it needs to on the first go round, and it only gets better on repeat viewings.

they use a really classic theatre perspective trick with san climbing the rope, and they absolutely didn’t have to do that. san probably could have actually climbed that himself, but here they made a choice for aesthetic artistry over tricking/other feats of skills we’ve seen the 4th gen groups do. instead of going with the more technically difficult and ‘impressive’ option, they chose the simple way that allows for more character to shine through. there’s actually very little tricking in this stage as whole, they're putting trust in the design of the stage and the raw performance abilities of the members to carry the stage and they stick the landing again. san has some breakdancing and so do the backup dancers, but it’s window dressing in the same way that the flyers are window dressing.

there’s a lot of really good little moments of acting that really sell the performance and dedication of the group as a whole to giving their all. hongjoong overall in his cocky aspirational leader role, seonghwa’s first verse and malfunctioning earpiece bit, san’s falsetto hostage interrogation bit. also i'm obsessed with how far yunho just hucks that mask. he gets like fifteen feet of air with that thing. also props to hongjoong barehanding that glass break.

the paper props are impeccable. the first notice sets up the situation right away, and then we get some further exposition with the newspaper wooyoung is holding (which says ‘the central government has defined the black pirates as a terrorist’ but honestly you don't really need to know what it says to get the point), and then we have raining anarchist flyers from the anarchist blimp. great atmospheric touches.

the blackout crash-to-mask transition is just so good. this is an example of a good use of a blackout. nothing else to add i just thought i would point it out because it's dope.

like with btob there's some really tight camera control here, that along with the lighting and the way they've laid out the space make it easy to follow the trajectory of where they're going and also make the space seem smaller than it is. this is a really big stage and if you don't control how you want it to be seen you end up like with what happened to the first part of skz’s stage. i wish they had tracked some of the one takes a bit better, but the end of that take where the camera followed the group movement laterally and then the formation swung around to face front? sexy. surprisingly the editing is pretty ok.

there’s probably still so much i could talk about but this is already so long so if i missed something just let me know.

ok finally lets do some rankings

personal ranking

this round wasn't as tough to rank because there were two clear top tier stages for me. i actually went back and looked at my ranking from last round and this is identical except the top two spots are switched, which i find extremely funny. however in contrast to last round, these stages were all leagues better than their predecessors. all the groups are improving, just some at greater speed than others.

ateez - i'm not even gonna explain this one.

btob - i won't explain this one either since i just did that.

sf9 - this would have been first if ateez and btob hadnt blow everyone out of the water.i still think they made all the right choices and played to their strengths.

ikon - this stage is so fun to watch but the others offer me more. that’s it.

skz - i like the idea behind it and i loved felix; i'm always down for some good catholic fuckery but like last round it just wasn't played out far enough.

tbz - double ding on the moulin rouge and the continued game of thrones references for me. there were a lot of strong elements here but when compared to every other stage it just doesn't have the same gravitas.

the self rankings i thought were fairly accurate, but again, what the fuck is up with these expert rankings? who are these experts? what stages are they watching?? i won't go more into it than that because then you'll be here even longer but i don't trust these experts who consistently rank btob at the bottom, do you have eyes??? ears????

ok i'm done for real now im so sorry this 4.6k words......if you make it this far do something nice for yourself like eat a cookie or something. this is way too long you deserve a reward for making it through my nonsense. as always if you’ve got questions or want to share your opinions feel free to send me an ask!

#kingdom #kingdom review #should i risk it and tag the groups this time? i kinda wanna bait some weirdos #kpop analysis #ok im gonna do it #ateez #btob #stray kids #the boyz #sf9 #ikon #im pretty sure i missed so much here but this is so long im so sorry #at least next week i wont be doing this kind of writeup #text

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lizhly-writes · 3 years ago

Text

i do not have anything very new for you this week. i do, however, have this revised version of the first chapter of the ‘villainess’ side of my heroine-villainess isekai bodyswap story, which is, essentially, a full rewrite. i have made some changes that have brought our pov character a little more in line with my mental image of her. to quote someone that i had look at this: ‘Before mina seemed more refined like she kills u by poisoning u thru ur tea and then "ohoho"ing as u slowly lose consciousness and die, and now mina seems like she kills u by straight up ripping ur spine out lol’

i always did wonder why i never saw the ‘original’ villainess in otome isekai stories do some major physical damage for funsies, y’know?

warning: this thing is 2k+ words long.

Why’s it so fucking loud. Who’s screaming bloody murder in here? Shut up, I got the worst headache and whatever slick steaming pile of shit you think you are, you ain’t making it better. If you won’t keep that hole in your face quiet, what if I just heal it closed? You won’t get a choice then, how about that?

I’m laid out flat on the floor, too. It’s wet, there’s something soaking in my shirt and my hair. It better not be vomit. Three fucking faces of Knight, how much did I drink last night.

I crack an eye open. “Th’ fuck’s goin’ on.”

There are people with the dumbest fucking faces staring down at me. “You’re awake!” one of them exclaims, like everyone else has useless holes for eyes. Course I’m awake, that something you really feel you gotta tell the world?

“Shit, really? Wow! Never woulda guessed,” I say as I drag myself to my feet. Urgh, feels like I drank my way through the entire bar. Did I get run over by a carriage or something too? I’m real fucked up — balance off, arms and legs ain’t landing right, everything aches, and I got clothes on that look like I stole them from a crackpot fashion student.

Though, hey, looks like everyone here is dressed like that. Maybe it’s the crackpot fashion student side of campus. I’m in some really shiny cafe, by the looks of it. The aesthetic here is… really something. Didn’t know we had this kind of place at the university.

Let’s put that aside for now. I crack my neck and ignore everyone talking at me as I give the entire place a once-over. No sign of Emily or Asher, which doesn’t sound right. If I’m this messed up, normally Asher’d be right there with me. Emily, at least, would’ve tracked me down and tried to kick me in the head or something. Not that I’d need a kick in the head, it hurts bad enough as it is. Maybe enough that I can say that I’ve knocked something loose. Hearing’s definitely off, it’s doing funny things to my voice. Not liking that very much at all.

“How much is a drink ‘round here?” I say, because while alcohol got me into this, I’ve heard great things on how alcohol can get me out of this.

“I don’t think you need a drink,” says an absolute fucking killjoy from somewhere behind me.

“‘Scuse me?” I say as I do an about-face. The killjoy in question looks boring enough that I’d forget him instantly if it weren’t for the eyes. Real pretty shade of blue, nice enough that probably some asshole’s tried yanking them from his skull. It’s a wonder he still has them! Maybe he’s a good enough fight that people don’t bother, huh?

He doesn’t react when I step in for a closer look — yeah, there we go, left eye, the scars are barely there, but it looks like someone’s been using their nails to make an attempt. Honestly, you’d think he’d flinch a little with me getting that close to his face, it’s not like his glasses’ll be any good at protecting him. But no, he just stands there and says, “I think you need first aid. You might have a concussion. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you’re bleeding. A lot.”

…Hmm.

“Am I?” I say. I reach for the bits of me that I’d hoped hadn’t been sitting in vomit and… yeah. My fingers come away red.

Trace a little further up to the back of my head, and there’s the head wound. Not as deep as I’d think, but it’s there, along with a very long braid I don’t remember getting.

Maybe I am concussed. Should’ve noticed both of those things a lot sooner.

“Yeahhhhh, okay,” I say. “Lil later, then.” After I fix myself up, maybe.

“I think you’re actually supposed to avoid drinking after a concussion altogether,” says Absolute Fucking Killjoy.

“Fuck you,” I say. Of all things, that’s what gets him to flinch. Interesting priorities he’s got there.

About the drink, though. He ain’t wrong. I know how head wounds work. But those rules on what to do with them? That’s for other people.

“You need a doctor—”

Please. Last time I needed a doctor was years ago.

This kind of thing, it’s easy enough to take care of. So easy that it should be already healed up, but whatever. Just a little concentration, and —

And.

...What's this?

“That’s new,” I say, squinting at the crackling light running over the palm of my hand. Real fancy, real nice to look at. Doesn’t feel like much, but I bet I could make something like this hurt if I wanted to. Nice little add-on, this. I like what I got — I’m the best with what I got — but power is power. Nothing wrong with having a little extra in your punches.

Except this ain't anything I can do. This ain't anything I should be able to do. That’s pretty fucking strange, isn’t it?

“What are you doing,” says Killjoy, voice sharp.

The face he’s making is probably hilarious. It’s less interesting than the way light curls over my fingers, trailing over my wrist as I twist my hand this way and that. If I let it, maybe it’d spread further up my arm. How much higher could it go, really?

I don’t get to find out, because Killjoy snatches my hand, snapping his own fingers over it until only light you can see has to fight its way out from where skin meets skin. And then it’s not even that, dying away until it goes dark completely.

Oh this bitch.

“Well, ain’t you forward, huh?” I say, baring my teeth. “What d’you think you’re doin’?”

“You’ve got a concussion,” Killjoy reminds me, like he thinks I forgot. I ain’t forgetting nothing, got it? It’s easy to take care of — just a little thought, and maybe it’s taking a little more effort, but the skin knits up just fine.

I sweep a hand lightly over the back of my head, just to make sure everything’s in order. The swelling’s gone down, the bruising’s gone, eyesight seems pretty clear. Headache and bodyache’s still there, which is annoying. There’s been some improvement, but that’s not what I’m looking for. It should be gone. Is it not physical damage, then? What, is it psychosomatic or something? That’s a shit explanation.

It’s only after my self-checkup that I realize that Killjoy is still talking. “— can take you to the clinic,” he’s saying, sounding very earnest. He’s still holding my hand.

I shake him off impatiently. “That’s unnecessary,” I say, and push open the shiny glass doors so I can find Asher or Emily or someone and go on with my life.

I don’t get more than a few steps outside before I realize I’m running headfirst into a problem. Namely, that the outside that greets me is not the university. Not even close. Not unless the mayor sent the entire city crashing down and decided to rebuild from the ground up. Not unless everyone collectively decided to take overly-caffeinated fashion students’ advice when it came to everyday wear. Not unless somebody made far too many innovations in automobile development and decided to implement them on every vehicle I can see here. Not unless all of that happened while I was passed out.

No. I should have noticed that before, too. I don’t pass out. Alcohol fucks me up, sure. But I’ve never drunk so much that I got knocked unconscious. I’ve never been able to drink enough to knock me unconscious.

…I remember now. I didn’t go out drinking last night. No, what happened was that some asshole attacked me— or, you know, tried to attack me for maybe a solid minute before I started beating the shit out of him for daring to ambush me. I was doing quite a good job, if I do say so myself. I know I broke some bones, broke his face, had my hands around his neck, and it would have only taken me a second or so more -- just one good squeeze! -- to pulp his windpipe, and he would be dead.

But I didn’t get to that part. The last thing I remember was putting just enough pressure on his throat to make him choke, and then… nothing. That’s it. That’s all I have before I woke up in the cafe.

I’m missing something. I know I am. It’s pissing me off.

That fuckwad. What did he do? Clearly I made a mistake letting him breathe for more than a minute or so, I should’ve just killed him on sight. If I find him again — no, when I find him again — I’m going to squeeze the answers out of him and grind his skull into paste, I’m gonna make him wish he was never born, I’m gonna make sure he’s in so many fucking pieces no one can tell his —

“Hey,” says Killjoy, because I suppose he followed me out or something. “We really need to get you to a doctor. I know it doesn’t seem like a big deal, but even if it’s not a concussion, it’s safer to get it looked at, you know? You said you were on university insurance, right? So it’s not like it’s even going to cost —”

And then he shuts up, because I have him by the collar of his shirt and he’s suddenly bent over enough that he’s barely an inch away from my face.

“Please. Would you kindly keep your mouth closed,” I say. “If not, I’m afraid I’ll have to make you choke on your own teeth. Do I make myself clear.”

Killjoy doesn’t close his mouth. It’s hanging open gently, his pretty blue eyes wide and shocked. But I suppose he understands the spirit of what I’m asking for, because he doesn’t say anything, even when I let him go and kindly push him back upright.

Well, no, actually, there is one thing. There’s a name he whispers: Allison. But it’s so quiet that I can generously pretend I can’t hear it and let him keep his mouth in one piece. I leave him standing there, and set off.

Where? It doesn’t matter. I walk through black-paved streets and stone-slab sidewalks, speed past too-tall buildings and too-bright colors and hoping for — I don’t know. One familiar building. Something, anything, that I can recognize.

But… nothing. It’s like I’m an entirely different country. An entirely different world.

How long was I out? Am I missing memories? What did that sad excuse for an ambusher do?

As if this day couldn’t get any better, Killjoy finds me at the entrance of a tiny, cramped alleyway, shadowed by buildings rising tall around.

“You just never fuckin’ give up, do you?” I say, sharp smile sliding easily across my face. I don’t know where I am, but I know I’m a fair distance away from where I started. He can’t have just coincidentally run into me. He had to have either followed me or known where I’d end up. It doesn’t matter which. Either option means that he’s still thinking of me.

He starts when I turn around and face him — he probably didn’t expect me to figure out he was there that quickly, huh? Well, I have to give him credit, he really is quiet. And he stays quiet, too, even as he scrambles backwards when I start stalking towards him.

“You gonna tell me I need a doctor again, huh?”

Go on. Say it. I gave you a warning, I told you what I’d do to you, it’s not my fault you can’t listen. I’m looking forward to it, actually! Thank you for showing up just when I needed stress relief!

“… not Allison,” Killjoy says, so softly I barely hear it.

“Pardon?”

“You’re not Allison,” he hisses, and oh, is that a sight — his eyes are aglow, the light behind them illuminating their blue so that it shines against the darkness. How pretty. How valuable. Even more so than when I thought the only thing that stood out about them was the color. Really, how good of a fight must he be that he still has them?

I’m gonna find out.

#original fiction #my writing #isekai #otome isekai #writeblr #everything #violence #implied violence

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omoi-no-hoka · 5 years ago

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Hello! I'm sorry if this has been asked before, but how do you become proficient at handling conversations in Japanese/handling grammar very well? I read your post on the JLPT, and it addressed issues I have been tip toe-ing around--indeed, passive actions such as listening or reading are easier than the active ones. How did you go about that? Did you write a bunch of sentences daily? Did you have a conversation partner? What would you rec. to someone who lives outside Japan? Thank you!

This is an excellent question, and one that I get asked a lot irl by Japanese people in particular. Let’s talk about gaining fluency and the ways we can go about it!

How to Gain Fluency in Japanese (and Other Languages)

Speaking Fluency versus Accuracy

Language proficiency is divided into two separate categories:

Fluency: Although there are no widely agreed-upon definitions or measures of language fluency, someone is typically said to be fluent if their use of the language appears fluid, or natural, coherent, and easy as opposed to slow, halting use. In other words, fluency is often described as the ability to produce language on demand and be understood.

Accuracy: Correctness of language use, especially grammatical correctness and word choice.

By the above definitions, a “fluent” speaker may make grammatical mistakes, but they can speak without having to stop and think too much about conjugations, word choice, etc.

An “accurate” speaker can speak with nearly zero grammatical/word choice mistakes. However, the speed of their utterances isn’t generally taken into account, so it could take an “accurate” person twice as long to articulate the same idea as a “fluent” person.

Ideally, you need to strike a good balance between these two qualities when speaking. I have a boss, God bless him, who is 100% fluency and 0% accuracy and…man is it hard to understand what he’s saying sometimes, but he can generally get his point across just barely. I have another coworker who is 100% accuracy and takes about 3 minutes to form a sentence because he wants it to be perfect.

How to Increase Speaking/Writing Accuracy

First, let’s talk about the easiest thing to improve, which is accuracy. It’s also (in my opinion) the least fun thing to improve, because it means grammar books and vocabulary memorization.

You can only use a language accurately if you know what is correct and what is incorrect, and you can only learn that by studying grammar and vocabulary (or if you’re a native speaker and picked it up innately, you lucky bastard).

So here’s some things you can do to increase your accuracy:

For example, if you’re having a hard time using the passive, you need to review that part of your textbook and find some exercises to drill it into your head.

Say the correct thing aloud. Lots. Sometimes I just walk around my apartment and narrate everything I see/do like a crazy person, but that’s good practice.

Write example sentences using the grammar you’re struggling with and say them aloud too.

There’s a bunch of cool apps that connect you with native speakers that can help correct you too! I used to use HelloTalk, I think.

If you’re a creative soul, when I was studying for the JLPT, I took 1 grammar point and 5 vocabulary words from my JLPT study books and used them to write a 2-page short story about the adventures of ネギ, a stray black cat that smelled like green onions because she napped in an onion field. Then I had a Japanese friend check it over for me and mark mistakes. I hand-wrote them to improve my abysmal handwriting at the same time. It was really fun! I sometimes think about doing it again just for funsies.

When someone corrects you, don’t feel like your entire life is over and you’re a failure and you’ll never get it right haha. I’ve seen people fall into that hopeless mindset, and that’s just nonsense. It’s a good opportunity for learning and nothing more! Say the correct thing you’ve just been taught out loud, then write it down if you can. And, if possible, find a chance to use it in conversation asap.

How to Increase Speaking/Writing Fluency

Now this is the hard one. Especially for those learners who do not have native speakers nearby.

I’m going to be dead honest with you. I started formally studying Japanese at uni, and I had a Japanese roommate/best friend since year one. I had a 4.0 GPA in my Japanese classes (and only my Japanese classes lol) because I was and still am a MEGA NERD about it.

...But it wasn’t until I studied abroad in Japan my 4th year of uni that I gained fluency.

There are a lot of things that can hold us back from fluency. An interesting thing I’ve noted is that Foreign Language is perhaps the only subject in which a student’s personality can directly affect their progress. To gain fluency, you have to go forth and speak, but if you are naturally a shy person, that is going to hinder you. If you are the kind of person who takes mistakes/failures poorly, you will be less likely to take risks and try to say harder sentences. In contrast, you can get full marks in math regardless of the above personality traits.

I’m not saying that you have to be an outgoing explosion of a human being in order to gain fluency. But what I am saying is that you have to be willing to seek out conversations, and you have to be willing to take chances. Get out of your comfort zone. Use that new word you picked up the other day. Try to explain something that is difficult for you.

My problem was that, while I lived with a native speaker who would have happily taught me anything I asked, her English proficiency was much higher than my Japanese proficiency. And when I struggled to say something in Japanese, I’d fall back onto English. And when she told me something I didn’t understand in Japanese, she’d repeat it in English instead of Japanese, because that was easier for us both. The same thing happened when I was in Japanese class as well. I always had the assurance that I could fall back on English.

But when I elected to study abroad in Japan for 3 months, I knew that this was my big chance. So on the host family form in the “other requests” area, I wrote that I specifically wanted a host family that could not speak English. I was setting fire to my crutches, and I was scared but excited to see them burn.

By the end of my three months in Japan, I had gone from “Chotto matte kudasai” and needing a minute to form my reply, to “Okay, yeah I see that movie too and I liked the action scenes, but I didn’t care for the story little.” (I’ve underlined mistakes that I would have made in Japanese, to show you that I sacrificed some accuracy to obtain higher fluency.)

So, in short, the easiest and quickest way to increase your spoken fluency is to throw away all the crutches you can and use the language as much as possible. Every single day. Even if you’re just having an imaginary conversation with yourself! And like I said, there are a bunch of cool apps that connect you with Japanese people who want to learn English and you can do language exchanges with them. I had a lot of fun with those in the past.

As for increasing writing fluency...well. That’s a tough question with Japanese, because I can type Japanese at like 100 wpm, but my Japanese handwriting fluency is at a 10/100. I can read and type at the level of a native Japanese high school student, but I can only write the kanji that 7 year old can write. That’s no exaggeration.

The big reason for that dichotomy is that my work is paper-free. 100% of my work is done on screen, so about the only time I have to write out something is when I’m filling out a form, which includes my name (katakana), address, and maybe occupation.

If you want to increase your Japanese handwriting speed, just keep on writing. Write those little short stories about ネギ like I did, or find some writing prompts (I just started a side-blog with writing prompts yesterday btw) or keep a little diary. Make opportunities to write.

How to Have Nice Handwriting in Japanese

Okay, full disclaimer: I am the absolute LAST person qualified to talk about this, because I have awful handwriting in Japanese.

Unless you have prior experience with a different language that uses kanji, or you lack the keen eye of an artist, you will likely struggle to develop neat handwriting.

Personally, I really like using this app called Japanese Kanji Sensei. It’s on Android (not sure about iOS), and if you pay just a few bucks you can make your own kanji sets and stuff. Anyways, it will show you how to write the characters prettily. It gives you a good frame of reference for what nice, pencil/pen-written characters (versus calligraphy characters). It has hiragana and katakana on it too!

I get a stylus and write out the characters on this app for the muscle memory, so my hands remember the sensation of writing a certain character. (The muscle memory is different if you only use your fingertip.) This muscle memory and repetition is how Japanese people learn how to internalize kanji as well. I really enjoy and recommend this app. I’m sure that there are others out there like it too.

Summary

TL;DR: Review your textbooks, take risks, use every resource available or make your own, and just have fun with it! 💗

#Anonymous #ask me anything #Asks are open #study japanese #learn japanese #japanese language #nihongo #japanese fluency #second language acquisition #jlpt #studyblr #langblr #japanese langblr #japanese resources #kanji #study kanji #learn kanji

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itsclydebitches · 4 years ago

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I've seen that you've talked about the fan headcanon that Penny has a body made out of aura now (which doesn't make sense from what we know about souls or her clothes). However, have you seen the explanation where the Staff simply has a massive loophole where it can be forced to make something auxiliary to the wish to prevent causal destruction, which is permanent? This one seems to have way more issues to me, like how exploitable it would be and that it makes Ozpin into a colossal idiot again.

That’s the most recent explanation I’ve seen and yeah, I think out of all of them it makes the most sense. So basically Ambrosius is not allowed to destroy things. Period. (Never mind the likely destruction as a result of wishes disappearing — like Atlas falling — I guess the magic doesn’t care about that.) Thus, Ruby tells him to remove all the robot portions of Penny, including the virus, but specifically doesn’t ask Ambrosius to do anything else. She does not ask for a new body for Penny. Ruby just tells him to remove the tech, leaving only Penny’s soul behind, and because the soul would die without a body (I guess) Ambrosius was forced to create a body for Penny in order to ensure she survived. He had to abided by his rule of no destruction, therefore giving Ruby more than she’d wished for and precisely what she’d wanted. That creation, Penny’s body, then doesn’t disappear when they create the portals because Ruby never wished for it. The body was merely a byproduct of Ambrosius following his own rules.

So that seemingly checks out. The “brilliant” loophole was still entirely dependent on a bunch of rules we only found out about while Ruby was exploiting them — from a writing standpoint it’s really not impressive when they’re delivered hand-in-hand like that — and I think it was horribly explained — there’s a reason why everyone is trying to figure this out/jumping to other explanations — but ultimately not the contradiction it appeared at first glance.

My only remaining gripe is the human body.

No, not in terms of Penny’s identity (I’ve already discussed that at length), but in terms of the “I can only create what I’m given specific instructions for” rule. See, the group had Penny’s blueprints to allow Ambrosius to remove her robot parts. They had blueprints to allow Ambrosius to create the portals. They did not (to my recollection) have blueprints of a human, female body. Now, the obvious explanation here is that Ambrosius doesn’t need blueprints if he’s creating things on his own terms. It’s merely a requirement for those making a wish. So if Ruby had said, “I want Penny to have a human body,” she would have needed to provide information on how that body functioned. But if Ambrosius is suddenly faced with creating a body to avoid his “Must not destroy” rule, he can just create whatever the hell he wants. He has that power, blueprints or no. So that checks out too, except... why a human body? Seriously. Ruby said, “Remove the robot parts. I know that you know you can’t let Penny’s soul die, so better figure out what to do with it ;)” and so yeah, he had to do something, but WHY is Ambrosius’ go-to solution to create a HUMAN vessel? Penny wasn’t human! (From a biological standpoint.) He already had her technological blueprints! It 100% makes more sense for him to have created another, virus-free robot vessel, thereby reverting Penny to her status pre-Watts hack.

In what world does a magic genie get the blueprints to a robot, is told to remove the robot’s parts, is faced with the loophole of not allowing her soul to die... and then puts her into a human body unprompted?

So I think the loophole itself checks out. Badly explained and dependent on a whole lot of convenience, but solid once you clear all that up. The human part though? I don’t buy it. There was no reason for it, as far as I can see. RT wanted Penny to be human, but didn’t do the work to explain why Ambrosius would make her that way when backed into a magical corner. Ruby didn’t ask for it. That’s the whole point. If she had Penny would have been destroyed when the portals were made because “human body” would have become a part of the wish. That had to have been entirely Ambrosius’ doing to keep her alive, so I guess he just went, “Well, if I have to give her a body I suppose I’ll make her look identical to her old self except that she’ll be human now instead of the robot, the thing she was before, the thing I have blueprints for, and I’ll do this for... reasons. Just gonna make a human for funsies, definitely not because I exist in a story with a badly thought out Pinocchio comparison.”

(But yeah, all that aside the “I can create anything you explain” + “I have a major loophole preventing destruction” makes the Staff super OP and raises a ton of questions about why it was only used to float Atlas. Personally, I’ve been thinking about how much cooler it would have been if Ozpin had used it to create a body of his own — explanation for why we’ve never heard a thing about who he was housed with at Beacon — and was only forced back into the curse, into Oscar, upon death.)

#rwby #rwby spoilers #rwby volume 8 #mymetas #Anonymous

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pedroalonso · 3 years ago

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it’s so funny to me how the fandom is so divided about palermo’s development there is no middle ground in any of the arguments i’ve seen so far

Martín has always been a divisive character from the start and I honestly love that for him. lmao. But yeah, In truth, I can’t scroll through the LCDP tag without seeing someone ranting about Palermo, either negatively or positively regarding his arc this season.

And after thinking about it for a while, I realize that a large chunk of people’s arguments (my own included) are deeply rooted in personal interpretation and biases. We all have our own takes on a character. We project either our likes or dislikes on them, depending on our own life experiences and beliefs. It’s not wrong to do so, it’s literally a normal thing humans do. To personalize a story in a way that resonates with them.

But at the end of the day, characters are not sentient beings. They are narrative tools to tell a story and move the plot forward. While we can get a gauge of the “basics” of a character from the stuff we are presented with in canon, we can never really be certain about “who they are” because they aren’t real. Their development is dependent on what kind of story is being told, and writers will always adjust their characters to fit the current narrative.

In terms of Volume 1, the writers have always hinted that they wanted to make the final season “an explosive one”, meaning they wanted to make it more action heavy. And looking back on it now, they succeeded in doing what they set out to do. The new season was like an action movie. Lots of gunfire. Explosions. It’s easy to brush it off as LCDP mimicking another Hollywood blockbuster to increase viewership, but I think it made sense. It showed us how dire their situation is in the bank. How much deep shit they were in that the military was willing to bomb the building and inadvertently kill hostages just to catch them. And the first volume ended with the MAIN CHARACTER getting killed off. Like the stakes were so high not even the goddamn narrator survived. The show is literally telling us how fucked things are for the band.

So with that said, the characters adjusted to this “action” movie vibe the writers wanted to go with. And I think they all acted accordingly. There was less conflict within the group because they worked together to beat a common enemy, setting aside their personal issues to get the job done and survive. And while it’s true that some character arcs (Palermo’s especially) had to be set aside, it was because they HAD to in order to move the plot forward. How much sense would it make if Martín kept raving on about the gold when the Bank was literally exploding around him? He’s a chaotic asshole, yeah. But give him more credit than that, he’s not an idiot. The gold can wait. He needs to survive NOW.

And again, narrative wise, who he is in Part 5 directly connects to his last scene in Part 4. He made a promise to do better and they followed it through in literally the first episode of Volume 1, where he’s shown to be more remorseful for his actions. If he just went back to being an angry asshole, it wouldn’t have made sense because otherwise, what was his last scene in Part 4 supposed to be for?? Just for funsies?? No, of course not. They were already foreshadowing where his arc was heading in Part 5.

And I know LCDP sucks at maintaining continuity. There are a lot of plotholes that haven’t been addressed because they probably forgot about it or deemed it unnecessary. (Like me, for example, wondering if Martín knows it was Helsinki who blew up the tunnel that resulted in Andrés death??? Like I want that angst PLEASE).

But, hear me out. What LCDP fails in continuity, they make up for emotional terrorism. Not only are they more than capable of killing off likable characters (NAAAAIROBI), they are also very good at making unlikeable characters… not always loveable. But understandable, in a way. More empathetic. For example: Berlin was 100% a disgusting dipshit in the Mint, yes, but in the end when he sacrifices himself to save the gang and you find out he and the Professor were brothers this whole time? That was a twist. Maybe you didn’t end up liking Berlin, but you felt pain for Sergio for losing someone so obviously dear to him. They made you feel sorry for seeing this asshole go.

Which brings me to my final point. Characters are used to convey a theme. What do they represent in the story? Berlin’s thematic arc in the first two seasons, for example, was him going from a villain to an anti-hero. From the moment we find out about his terminal illness, we knew he was going to die either way. You can see him grappling with his mortality — about the inevitability of his death. And it seemed like he was planning to live out his last remaining years being an asshole surrounded by a shitload of money, until he ultimately dies from his illness.

But then, he sacrifices himself. Not only does he escape the “humiliating” decline that was to befall him when he escapes, he also gave meaning to his death. He, the heartless evil bastard, made himself the hero in the end. How rude!

So, when it comes to Martín, we have to think: What is his purpose in this story? What is the theme he’s trying to convey? Is it the tragedy of an unrequited love? Or is it learning to let it go?

Because looking back in episode two of Part 3, Sergio recruits Martín in a dirty flat in Palermo, littered with empty liquor bottles and Martín himself looking like a mess. When he broaches the topic of the heist, Martín can barely mention Andrés without his voice cracking. And when he and Sergio do discuss Andrés, he screams and gets angry and cries. He was obviously still mourning Andrés, who at this point, died FIVE YEARS AGO. That is not… a normal grieving period. May it be due to the lack of a support system after Andrés’s death (since I doubt Sergio visited), or the lack of real closure between him and Andrés, or something else, the point is… Martín Berrote was not okay. He was still clinging to Andrés in some way. Still unable to move on.

So when Sergio proposes to do the Bank of Spain heist and Martín accepts, his thematic arc began. He is introduced as Andrés’s long suffering best friend who was in love with him for years until he was eventually discarded. A lot of his moments in the show discuss and convey this dynamic. From him telling Sergio he loved the plan as much as he loved Andrés, to Nairobi confronting him about Berlin, to Martín himself telling Helsinki how Andrés leaving him made him the “asshole” he is today.

His theme is not just about his love for Andrés, but his grief and suffering because of it. Where the show will eventually take it is still debate-able, and we’ll have to wait for Volume 2 for that. But viewing Martín’s whole arc in this way, through the scenes they chose to put about him, and the way they connect it to the main plot — his development this season did not come out of the blue. It made logical and narrative sense. It all connects! This was the kind of story they wanted for him from the start.

#asks #lcdp #looks at my own post: i aint reading all that #long post #i’m on mobile IDK HOW TO DO THE READ MORE OPTION ON MOBILE #lcdp spoilers

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canarygirl1017 · 5 years ago

Text

Hands On Me - Chapter 1

Pairing: Reader / Jungkook

Genre: College!au, fluff, mild angst, smut

Length: 4,341k words

Warnings: language, sexual themes

Summary: You’d never had much luck with relationships, and experience had taught you to shy away from physical intimacy. But when you started dating your neighbor, Jungkook, you began to think he was worth the risk. College AU.

A/N: Next chapter coming soon. I originally wrote this a few months ago based on a prompt I got from my writer’s group. It was supposed to be college based romance, couple’s first time together, mildly angsty, and include the dialogue “Do you want to break up?” I sort of vaguely pictured JK when I was writing the male lead, at least visually, so I thought I would post it as a reader fan fic, which I’ve never written before. I usually write Marvel fan fic at AO3 in third person (not second person) so this isn’t as natural for me. Also, this is just for funsies because I don’t do real life shipping with real life people, though I do enjoy reading some of the well written fics I’ve seen in the fandom. If people enjoy this one, I might post more as I have a lot of short story prompts I’ve written for my club and don’t do anything with.

Chapter 1

Snuggled up on the sofa watching TV together was how you spent most evenings with your boyfriend, Jungkook. You did a quick clean that morning in anticipation of him coming over since he seemed to prefer being in your space, though it hardly mattered; home was just a few doors down regardless of which apartment you chose to spend time together in.

You shifted your attention from the book you were reading to Jungkook’s profile, fingers itching to trace the sharp jawline that attracted so many women to the gym where he worked as a part-time trainer while he finished university. He also needed a haircut, but he’d shrugged off the suggestion when you mentioned it earlier that week. The slightly longer, inky black locks suited him though.

He was focused on the basketball game that had gone into overtime, his thumb absentmindedly stroking against your hip as you leaned against him. Being close to him was a double-edged sword lately and a reminder that he hadn’t really touched you in a while. Not since that night a few weeks ago.

When you first started dating three months ago, he’d been very physical with you. Dates that ended with kisses at the door had quickly turned into dates that ended with making out on the sofa at his apartment or yours. But during one very heated session on his sofa you got nervous, suddenly worried that things were moving too fast, and you pulled back. To his credit, Jungkook backed off immediately, assuring you that he was fine with following a slower pace.

Your high school boyfriend had pushed for sex and against your better judgment, you’d slept with him after the senior winter formal, only to be devastated when he moved on less than a month later. Similarly, your last boyfriend had been very pushy about sex, and your reluctance was a bone of contention between you until he broke it off.

At twenty-two, Jungkook was a year older, and you knew that he was much more experienced. You’d been neighbors for almost a year now, and you’d seen several of the girls he dated coming and going during that time. You’d never spoken to one another outside the occasional hello in passing until the night you came back from work to find your ex-boyfriend, Mike, drunk and pounding on your door.

Since you didn’t want to let him into your apartment, you stood outside to talk to him. Apparently offended that you wouldn’t let him in, he’d begun berating you loudly enough to have a few neighbors popping their heads out to see what was going on. And in the middle of that embarrassing situation, Jungkook and his friend walked up.

“Hey y/n,” Jungkook said. “Sorry we’re late.”

He slipped an arm around your waist, startling you, though you couldn’t deny you were grateful for the interruption.

His friend chimed in, holding up a takeout bag. “We brought dinner.” You’d seen him around campus and remembered that his name was Jimin.

Mike had eyed Jungkook, as if sizing up a potential fight. But while he had an inch or two on Jungkook in height, Jungkook was all lean muscle and without question the stronger of the two. So, he had backed off, but not before firing off a parting shot. “Good luck with the virgin. Cold fish bitch.”

Your cheeks were burning as he walked away.

Jimin broke the silence. “What an asshole. Does he do this a lot?”

You shook your head. “This is the first time I’ve seen him since we broke up.” You could only assume the alcohol had made him think that you were a potential booty call.

Jungkook frowned as he stepped out of your personal space. “Sorry if I overstepped. I know it’s not my business, but I didn’t like the way he was crowding you at the door and yelling at you.”

“No, I appreciate you getting rid of him,” you answered. “Thank you.”

Jimin held up the takeout bag again. “We really do have dinner. Do you want to join us? Maybe it’s better if you’re not here alone in case he decides to come back.”

You hesitated, but then your stomach growled, a reminder that you hadn’t eaten since breakfast because of a hectic day of classes followed by work at the campus library.

Jungkook smiled. “We’ll take that as a yes.”

You became friends with Jungkook after that night. It was amazing how quickly you’d felt comfortable around him. He was kind and friendly, and he frequently helped the elderly residents of your building. Then one night after he’d shown up at the campus library and walked you the few blocks home, he kissed you. It marked the beginning of your new relationship, and you’d been inseparable ever since.

Unlike the few other guys you had dated, Jungkook had never directly brought up the topic of sex, nor had he pushed for it. You’d had a brief conversation one night about your respective exes. You knew he’d had one serious relationship that ended when he moved away for college and the long-distance relationship proved to be too much of a strain. He’d only dated casually since then, though you’d seen some of his overnight guests leaving his apartment the morning after.

Jungkook knew you’d had a boyfriend in high school, but you hadn’t gone into the details of the breakup. Though it was several years in the past, that rejection still stung, and you didn’t like to talk about it. He’d never asked about Mike other than to ensure you weren’t being harassed. You supposed the drunken scene he and Jimin had witnessed was explanation enough.

You were so lost in your thoughts that you failed to notice the game had ended until Jungkook spoke. “You’ve been doing that a lot lately.”

You looked up to see him watching you, an unreadable expression on his face. “Doing what?”

“Completely zoning out,” he replied with a half-smile. “Is something bothering you?” His chocolate brown eyes studied you intently.

“No,” you said quickly. Maybe too quickly because you could tell he didn’t quite believe you. His tongue pushed against his cheek, something he did when he was thinking about how to deal with a problem.

After a moment, he nodded. “Okay.” He stood up and stretched. “I should get going. I have an early client tomorrow.”

Saturdays were always busy at his gym, and he sometimes worked longer hours on the weekends. “Do you have clients tomorrow night?”

“One,” he confirmed as he pulled on his leather jacket. “Jen’s birthday party is tomorrow, right?”

You nodded as you walked to the door with him. “We’ll be at Carmen’s.” Jen had been planning her birthday for months and wanted a venue with good food, music and dancing. The trendy bar had only been open for about a year, but it was popular for the menu, which included themed cocktails, and the Latin music. You’d been looking at salsa dancing tutorials on YouTube because you were sure that your best friend would insist on hitting the dance floor.

“Okay. Jimin and I will swing by around ten.”

Jimin and Jen were involved in a casual flirtation that they both enjoyed, though you weren’t so sure it was really going anywhere. Jimin was a handsome transfer student studying modern dance, which took up a lot of his time, much to the disappointment of the single girls on campus. And for the two years you’d been friends, you had never known Jen to date anyone seriously. Still, Jen had heavily hinted that she wanted Jimin to come to her birthday party, and so you had told Jungkook to bring him.

“Okay.” You tilted your head back as he leaned down to kiss you goodbye.

You loved kissing him – the way his hands settled on your hips, and the way the first gentle brush of his lips against yours always gave way to slow, deep kisses. Your hands drifted down his chest to his waist, clutching the material of his t-shirt to ground yourself.

It would be so easy to get swept away. By the heat that flared between you. By your feelings. You knew without a doubt that you had fallen hard for him.

Jungkook pulled back, kissing the top of your head before releasing you. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You closed the door behind him and locked up, leaning your head against it for a moment. You were beginning to regret letting him leave every night even if you weren’t sure if you were ready for more. You wanted more, but you were afraid of it too. And you had no idea what to do about it.

_________________________________________

You nibbled your bottom lip as you sat on Jen’s bed, watching your friend dig through her closet. “Do you think I should…” you paused, wondering how to broach this topic. While Jen had few conversational barriers, you were more hesitant to talk about sex.

“Should what?” Jen asked, her tone distracted as she pulled out another dress and tossed it over the chair at her desk. She tapped her well-manicured nails against the wall as she studied the contents of her closet before pulling out another dress and dropping it on the chair.

You glanced at the pile of dresses accumulating on the chair. “I thought you were going to wear that new dress you bought last week?”

“This isn’t for me,” Jen stated. “This is for you.”

You failed to contain a snort of laughter. “You’re like six inches taller than me. And I have a dress.” It wasn’t new, and Jen had complained that the dark color washed you out the last time you wore it. But unlike Jen, whose wealthy parents supplied her with credit cards and charge accounts around the city, you couldn’t afford to waste money on clothes. Your parents helped when they could, but you also had three younger siblings still at home and college was only possible because of your scholarships. Living in the city was also expensive; if not for Jungkook contributing to your groceries since you often ate together, you’d probably be eating ramen five nights a week.

“And I’m a fashion design student, so I have time to alter one of these. If I have to see you in that funeral dress again, I’m going to burn it. Worse, do you really want Jungkook to see you in it?” she shuddered as she tossed another dress on the chair. “Okay, I think these are the best options. Now, what were you asking? Do I think you should what?”

You hadn’t considered that Jungkook might also hate that dress. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to see what Jen had in mind. Arguing with her was next to impossible anyway.

You helped Jen hang the dresses on a clothes rack in the corner so you could see them better. “Do you think I should sleep with Jungkook?”

Jen raised a brow as she glanced over at you. “Hell yes. Have you talked about it?”

You shook your head. “No. I kind of… I don’t know. Freaked out a little bit a few weeks ago when we were kissing and stuff. It seemed like we were headed there, and I wasn’t sure I was ready, and I know I totally pulled a one eighty on him. And now he barely touches me.”

“Huh.” Jen considered that for a minute. “So things are weird now? Are you afraid he’s going to break up with you or something?”

You hadn’t really thought about that. “I wasn’t, but now that you said it, maybe.” You had mostly been worried that if you broke up after sleeping together, he’d be that much harder to get over because you knew that you’d be more attached to him then than you already were. But maybe that worry – that he would leave because you were holding back – had been there all along.

“I’m not saying he would do that,” Jen hurried to add. “I’ve seen how he acts around you, and how he looks at you. I really think he’s one of the good ones. But with your past experiences, I can see why you’d be worried. Has he ever been pushy about it?”

“No, never. When I told him that I thought we were moving too fast, he said he’d follow my pace. Only now, we’ve just kind of stalled out.”

“I guess he’s waiting for you to do something then. Like give him a signal that you want more.”

That could be it too. “I don’t really know how,” you admitted. “I have one night’s experience to draw from, and that was years ago.”

“That wasn’t an experience, y/n, that was a sexual travesty.”

You couldn’t argue with that. “He’s experienced though. I’m sure he knows how to make it good for me, but I don’t know how to do that for him. What if I’m bad in bed?”

“First of all, you have no idea how you are in bed because you’re practically still a virgin. Second, men are easier to please when it comes to sex anyway. Jungkook likes you. It’s easy to tell that he has real feelings for you, so I think there’s zero chance that he wouldn’t like sex with you. You really need to talk to him about it.”

You felt your cheeks heat up just thinking about trying to talk to him about this. “I know. I’m just embarrassed.”

Jen rolled her eyes. “If you can’t talk about it, you probably shouldn’t be doing it. Or I guess you could take the easier route and wear something that does the seduction for you. Like this.” She held up a deep red halter neck dress. The low neckline and back ensured maximum skin exposure. Jen was tall and had long, dark hair so on her, it probably looked fabulous.

Eyeing the dress with skepticism, you said, “That dress is your style, not mine. I’ve never worn anything like that before.” Your style could best be described as casual. On date night, you managed flirty casual, and Jungkook didn’t seem to have any complaints. This dress was on a whole other level, though.

“We can make it your style. I’ll make sure it’s not too revealing if that’s what you’re worried about.” When you still hesitated, Jen added, “Come on, Jungkook will forget how to talk when he sees you in this. I guarantee that you won’t have any trouble getting him into bed if that’s what you decide you want.”

The idea of surprising Jungkook with something like this was appealing. Maybe shaking up your image for one night would give you the confidence to talk to him about your relationship.

_____________________________________

Jungkook stifled a yawn as he entered Carmen’s. It had been an exceptionally long day, and he wished this was a regular Saturday night like the ones he usually spent with his girlfriend, y/n. He liked being in your apartment because your sofa was comfortable, you had an old record player and some killer albums that you’d collected since middle school, and your essential oil candles made everything smell nice.

Jimin had been teasing him for a couple of months now, calling him domesticated. He supposed he was because before meeting you, he rarely spent a Saturday night in. If someone had told him then that he’d soon trade beers at his favorite bar for candles and snuggling on the sofa, he would have laughed.

And since Jimin rarely got him out on a weekend anymore, and Jen had equal complaints about you, he doubted either of you would get away with ducking out early.

“Are they upstairs or downstairs?” Jimin asked.

“Downstairs, I think,” he replied.

He let Jimin lead the way. It was crowded downstairs, and he first searched the booths and bar area, expecting to find you chatting with friends. You always said dancing in public made you feel awkward unless you were drunk, and since your alcohol tolerance was low, you usually didn’t drink much.

“I see Jen on the dance floor,” Jimin said. “Did you find her?”

“No.” Jungkook scanned the dance floor, briefly pausing on a petite girl wearing a red dress before looking back at the booths. “Maybe she’s in the bathroom.” He pulled out his phone to call you.

“Wait, is that y/n?” Jimin suddenly asked.

Jungkook glanced up from his phone. “Where?”

“That girl in the red dress.”

He looked back at the dance floor for the girl in red, ready to deny it. Except she’d turned around now, and Jimin was right. Holy shit.

“Damn. I know I’ve been giving you a hard time lately, calling you domesticated. I’ll shut up now because if I knew I was taking her home later, I’d be domesticated too.”

Jungkook glared at Jimin. “Whatever you’re thinking, stop.”

Jimin’s expression was sheepish. “Sorry, man. I’m going to hell for impure thoughts, but so are half the guys hanging around her. You might want to worry more about them.”

Jungkook was already on the move as he’d noticed the same thing. Shouldering past two guys trying to dance up behind you, he gave them a look that ensured they backed off. Your back was facing him, and he swallowed hard as his eyes drifted down from your shoulders. The dress draped in the small of your back, leaving a bare expanse of skin, and his fingers literally itched to touch you.

He gave in to the urge, sliding his hand along your waist lightly to get your attention. You turned your head, brows furrowed as you flinched away from the unexpected touch. But when you saw it was him, you smiled and wrapped your arms around his waist.

“You’re here,” you said, tilting your head back to look at him. “I’ve been waiting forever.”

He smiled at your uncharacteristically dramatic tone. “Sorry. I forgot my bag, so I had to run home to change. Are you having fun?” You were pressed close against him on the crowded dance floor, and he was enjoying the feeling of your small body against his. He let his hands settle on your hips, thumbs rubbing light circles. You shivered in response. “Are you cold?”

“No. That just feels good,” you said with a sigh. You toyed with the top button of his long-sleeved white Henley.

He wasn’t used to you being that direct about what you liked. And when your hands suddenly wandered under his leather jacket and ran up his back, he suppressed a shiver of his own. “I think you’re drunk, baby.” He pulled you closer, trying to ignore the teasing glimpse of cleavage revealed by your dress. Your hair drifted around your pale shoulders in loose waves, and all he could think about was running his fingers through it as he kissed you.

“Maybe a little bit,” you admitted, scrunching your nose as you smiled up at him. “The cocktails are really good here.”

God, you were adorable. He’d never met another girl that he wanted to simultaneously fuck senseless but also protect and cuddle, though the former urge was winning out tonight. He’d never imagined you wearing a dress like this, and he knew it would be fueling his fantasies for quite some time. It had to be Jen’s influence, though he certainly wasn’t complaining.

As if reading his thoughts, Jen suddenly sidled past him on her way to the bar. “You’re welcome.”

For the next three hours, you divided your time between the dance floor and the bar, and Jungkook was content to follow behind you. You danced slowly together regardless of the beat, and he finally allowed his hands to stroke your bare back. You kept tilting your head back, inviting his kisses, and he was happy to indulge you. He was so turned on he could hardly think straight, but he knew he needed to keep a tight rein on the situation. The last thing he wanted was a repeat of that night a few weeks before when you had all but run from his apartment.

When you got a bit unsteady on your feet, Jungkook ordered water and fries at the bar before leading you to the booth where Jimin, Jen and a couple of other friends were talking. He could tell you were starting to fade as you finished the water and food. When you yawned and leaned against him, he kissed the top of your head. “I think it’s time we got you home.”

You hummed in agreement. Jen tossed him your jacket from the corner of the booth, and he helped you put it on. The cab ride back home was long enough for you to fall asleep in his arms. He savored every minute, stroking your hair gently, lulled by the sound of your breathing and glad that you had shaken off the pensive mood you’d been in the night before.

Jungkook was observant enough to realize that something was worrying you lately. While it bothered him that you wouldn’t tell him what you were thinking about, he worried that the relationship was still too fragile for him to push when it was obvious that you didn’t want to talk about it. Still, it was becoming increasingly difficult to let it go because he was concerned that it had something to do with him.

He wondered if it was about sex. Ever since that night he’d intervened when your ex showed up drunk, he’d wondered about your relationship with him. Something in the past had made you nervous about physical intimacy, which he’d realized after you ran out of his apartment that night, and he’d been very careful not to do anything that might make you run again. More and more he wished he’d punched that asshole, feeling certain he was somehow to blame. He’d deserved that and more for the name calling alone.

When you arrived home, Jungkook paid the driver and helped you from the car. Upstairs, he unlocked your apartment, smiling when you kicked your heels off and the effort sent you stumbling sideways. He steadied you before removing your jacket and draping it on the arm of the sofa. You walked to your bedroom and he grabbed some water from the kitchen before following you.

“You don’t feel sick, do you?” he asked, placing the water on your nightstand.

You shook your head as you sat on the edge of the bed and reached out a hand to him. “No.”

He took your hand and sat next to you. “You should change before you go to sleep, so you’ll be more comfortable.”

“You like the dress, right?” You nibbled your bottom lip as you peeked up at him through your lashes.

Understatement. “You look beautiful,” Jungkook said quietly, pushing your hair off your shoulder. His breath caught when you turned her cheek toward his palm and rubbed against him like a sleepy kitten.

“Then kiss me,” you whispered.

He hesitated, but you were already reaching for him. The kiss was like throwing a match on kindling. Then you scooted back to lie down and pulled him with you.

This was dangerous and he knew it, but he ignored the niggling little warning in his head because he’d been thinking about kissing you like this all night. He pressed against your soft curves but kept most of his weight off you as slow kisses turned more passionate. And when your hands grew bolder, running across his chest and back and tugging him closer, he gave in to the temptation, pulling you more fully beneath him.

When you parted your thighs, allowing his hips to settle between them, he dropped his head to your shoulder with a groan. Pressing kisses against your neck, he willed himself to calm down. “Baby, we should stop.”

You responded by pushing your hips up against him, and he bit back a curse. He was fully hard now and stopping was the last thing he wanted to do, but he knew it was the right thing. Jungkook braced his weight on his forearms and took a breath as he stared down at you.

“But I want you to stay,” you said, threading your fingers in his hair. Your eyes seemed much darker in the dim light of the bedroom. Your small hands drifted down to his shoulders, kneading, and then moved further down to toy with the hem of his shirt.

Jungkook closed his eyes and took another deep breath, the light fragrance of your perfume doing nothing to help him regain control. As much as he wanted you – had wanted you from the first night he kissed you - he didn’t want your first time together to be after a night of drinking. If there was even the slightest chance that you might regret it later, it wasn’t worth it.

He gave in one last time, kissing the spot beneath your ear that always made you shiver. He darted his tongue out to taste you and then captured your lips for one more long, slow kiss. “Not tonight.”

You didn’t argue anymore, allowing him to pull away. You were quiet as you got up and took some clothes from the dresser before going to the bathroom to change. When you returned, your face was clean, and you wore the usual pajama pants and t-shirt you preferred to sleep in. You didn’t say anything as you slipped past him to crawl back into bed and pull the covers up.

“You’re sure you feel okay?” he asked.

You nodded, your eyes already closed. “I’m just tired.”

He brushed his hand over your hair and leaned down to kiss your forehead. “I’ll lock up on my way out. I’ll give you the key back tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

Jungkook hesitated for a moment. Something seemed off somehow. Awkward, maybe. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He turned off the light and let himself out, making sure to lock the door behind him.

#college au #jungkook x reader #bts imagines #jungkook fanfic #jungkook smut #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #jungkook x you

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johndykeon · 4 years ago

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i’ve seen people talking about how there’s a difference between leo’s born in july and leo’s born in august... roger & john skdjsbsjsj idk what the difference is but it’s there

oops!! looks like you accidentally stumbled upon one of of my dormant hyperfixations!! 🤠🤠🤠 i’m SO into astrology dude skjfhskfj like is it real? probably not. but is it fun as hell to read about and judge people based on? yes yes yes yes yes!

anyway this ended up getting super long because i have a lot of thoughts™ about it so i'm putting everything under the cut!! disclaimer: i literally just do this for fun and everything i know about astrology i learned from various websites and an astrology book i found at value village so if anything isn’t right mind your business fskjdfshkfj and ALSO please don’t read too much into this lmao it’s just for funsies 💖

so anyway YES you’re right, there 100% is a difference between john and roger’s type of leo, and it probably has to do with the fact that they fall into different decans of leo!! so essentially each sign is split up into three different “versions” of the sign depending on the positioning of the planets when they were born. the exact dates can vary slightly, but for leo the first decan (the “true leo”) is from july 23rd - august 1st (this is where roger falls), the second decan is august 2nd - august 12th, and the third decan is august 13th - august 22 (which is where john falls).

so roger, being born on july 26th, is a first decan leo. the characteristics of this placement are things like being really extroverted, loud, self-reliant, creative, wanting attention, having a sensitive ego; so very much the traditional leo. meanwhile, john is a third decan leo, which is a placement that’s known more for ambition, honesty, stubbornness, independence, and dynamism. so that could definitely be where some of their differences come from (although i’m not convinced that the qualities of the third decan leo actually fit john all that well, but i suppose none of actually really knew him so we can’t know for sure).

BUT, it’s also super important to look at the rest of john and roger’s natal charts in addition to just their sun signs, since they were born two years apart and therefore they have a lot of differences in the major planets in their charts.

so roger’s birth time is actually online for some reason, apparently he was born at 10:30 AM on july 26th 1949. so assuming that this time is accurate (even if it isn’t the only things that would change are his ascendant and possibly his moon), here is his chart:

we don’t know what time john was born, so we don’t know his ascendant and we can’t be certain of his moon, but we do know that he was born on august 19th 1951 so based on that here is his chart:

so as you can see, there are some pretty significant differences in their planets. starting with the moon, which represents things like emotion, emotional response, and self image, roger has a leo moon while john (most likely) has a pisces moon.

leo moons are typically outgoing, like to be the centre of attention, pretty popular, and tend to take on a comic sort of role because they like making people laugh. they have a really strong sense of fairness and justice, and they’re known for being dramatic and prone to sulking and causing a scene when their pride has been hurt. imo the leo moon very clearly fits roger pretty well skjfhsdkjfhs

on the other hand, john is a pisces moon, which is a placement thats know for being really intuitive, perceptive, sometimes dreamy, and compassionate because they feel things really deeply. pisces moons are also imaginative, warm, sentimental and empathetic, and known for having kind of a weird sense of humor; one of the sites i use as a reference for astrology actually described it as “a strong sense of humor that is more of the receptive kind than the type of sense of humor that would make people the ‘life of the party,’” and “it's generally pretty easy to get them giggling” (which imo is pretty spot on according to what we know about john and the stories we’ve heard about him)! pisces moons also have a tendency to get overwhelmed with life easily and then need time away from eveything to escape and recharge (fucking off to bali anyone??)

i'm not gonna really talk about ascendants because we don't know john's and the point of this is comparing his chart with roger’s, BUT i just have to say that roger is a virgo rising, and typically people get on really well and have strong connections with people who's sun sign is the same as their rising sign…… and of course, freddie is a virgo sun 🥺🥺🥺 and literally every time i remember that it just makes me so soft so i had to mention it fksjhfkjshfk

moving on to mercury, roger’s mercury is in leo and john’s is in virgo. mercury is the planet that rules things of the mind like communication, intellect, and memory. so starting with roger, leo mercurys are typically incredibly passionate, good at things like public speaking and performing, and very much draw the spotlight towards themselves, whether intentionally or unintentionally. they're confident, enthusiastic, have a flair for the dramatic, and seem to make new friends effortlessly. people with mercury in virgo on the other hand tend to be much more grounded and analytical. they’re efficient and sharp thinkers, very intelligent, practical, and they like things that challenge their minds and are drawn to people that can keep up with them. john was born with mercury in retrograde though, which can cause people to struggle with self doubt and be prone to anxiety and difficulty expressing themselves.

now on to venus. venus is the planet that rules love, romance, and what we value and take pleasure in in life. roger’s venus is in leo, while john’s is in virgo. leo venuses like roger are known for being warm, genuine, and grand in love. they’re prone to big gesture in their relationships, and they have a deep need to feel desired and wanted by their partners and can get hurt when they don’t feel like their lovers are showing them enough love. they're really loyal, but need a lot of attention from their lovers and have high expectations. on the other hand, people with venus in virgo like john are known for loving and showing love in quieter and more understated ways, unlike leo venuses who are more of the ‘shout it from the rooftops' variety. they show their love through dedication and willingness to work on a relationship, and they work really hard on doing "the little things'' to show their partner that they care, and they need to feel recognized and appreciated by their partners for doing these things. they're very devoted and sensitive in love, really genuine, and can be quite shy. john was born with venus in retrograde though, and people born during venus retrogrades tend to feel things very deeply but struggle with awkwardness and insecurity in expressing those feelings and their love. they take relationships really seriously and they love very deeply, but they can struggle with self-sabotage in their relationships because they usually have a lot of underlying insecurities and fears that they aren't good enough or loveable enough.

finally, mars is the planet that rules things like passion, anger, sex, desire, actions and energy. roger's mars is in cancer, while john’s is in leo. people with a cancer mars like roger can be prone to passive-aggressiveness and become defensive as a means of self protection when they feel threatened, but they're incredibly protective over the people they care about. also, fun fact— i read something that said mars in cancer is known as the sign most attracted to breasts, sooooo i guess roger is a tits guy confirmed ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ on the other hand, people with mars in leo like john tend to be high in passion and desire, and usually have well defined goals and ambitions in their lives. they're also known as one of the most sexual positions of the zodiac, and they tend to enjoy sex more than most, but they typically have a strong need for love and romance to be an integral part of sex. they want their partners to be devoted to them, and can be prone to becoming jealous and possessive of their partner but will usually try to hide it.

there are ofc a bunch of other placements in natal charts that we could go into, but these 6 that i’ve mentioned (sun, moon, ascendant, mercury, venus, and mars) are generally considered to be the major players. there are also things like aspects and houses and everything that can be analyzed to gain a better insight into someones chart but honestly i don't really understand them so i'm not gonna go into that ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

but yeah so as we can see, even though john and roger have a lot of the typical qualities of a leo in common— hard-working, enjoying luxury, proud, bright, determined, noble, loyal— there are a whole bunch of factors that make them really really different despite their similarities!! because you’re totally right anon, roger and john are both leos, and imo you can tell that they’re both leos, but there’s also a certain energy about each of them that sets them apart from one another that’s SO fun to get into and explore!!!!!!!

#anon i'm so sorry i know this is definitely WAY more than you bargained for but i got excited fskjdfhskjf #astrology is just so fun i love messing around with it #esp with the boys hahahahaha #ask #anon #astrology #dealor #my post

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missyjanne85 · 4 years ago

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WARNING: LONG POST! NO TRIGGERS - FEEL GOOD VIBES GUARANTEED! (Unless your heart is, like, literally made of stone!...)

ANYWAY!

So I'm going to tell you a bit about my Dad! 😍

The whole reason why I express myself creatively is because of my dad. My love of reading and writing comes from him. He is (along with my mum of course – if you want a lesson in equality and the example of “sensitive, new age man” my dad’s pic is under the definition) and always has been my biggest supporter – the person who is guaranteed to be in the front row cheering me on. I didn’t have a soccer mum growing up, I had a soccer DAD. Dad was the one who took me and my brother everywhere on the weekends! I was very lucky and privileged growing up – dad would take me to singing lessons, piano lessons, tennis lessons (I tried other activities too but I won’t mention them…basically cause I sucked lol). Dad was the one who listened and encouraged me when I wrote my first song – music was my absolute passion (and still is)and he would spend hours with me workshopping every performance I would prepare for, every recital...He was my Alpha before I knew what that term meant.

WHY AM I TELLING YOU ALL THIS???

I'm glad you asked - I'll tell you 😉

As most of you know - I have recently created my author page on Facebook. This year I have made a conscious effort to connect to those with like-minded interests. HP FANFIC! I’ve found my people!!! Specifically on the platforms Facebook and Tumblr (I still suck at it…but I’m trying!)…I’m also a lurker on Instagram.

MISSY GET BACK TO THE POINT!

Here it is: My dad is an Indi Author! I know! How BAMF is that?! He’s retired now, but back in the day he was an English and History teacher. He also taught English as a Second Language for a while and eventually moved into Higher Education in which he taught young adults with learning disabilities – his program was designed to teach them essential life skills (like budgeting, shopping, skills that would lead to getting a job) He would come home and tell me stories about his students and one of their favourite activities: Reading the newspaper together as a class and discuss the current events – dad was an amazing teacher and he is an amazing man.

When dad was an English teacher at High School, one of the activities he would run when teaching creative writing was an activity he had dubbed: “speed writing”. Now that I’ve become a part of fandom author community - I have literally only just put two and two together and realised my dad was running “sprints” in his classroom 😱😱😱

Again! What an absolute BAMF!

MISSY! YOU’RE RAMBLING AGAIN - GET BACK TO THE ACTUAL POINT!

Okay, Sorry! I'll try again...

Dad isn’t on social media (though mum is), he doesn’t use a mobile phone (but mum does – you see where I’m going with this?). As an independently published Indi-Author on Amazon (I’m gonna share the link – don’t worry), I’ve told him about the benefits of social networking. He’s been reluctant…I decided at the time not to push. Recently though, I shared with him the fact that I’ve been writing during Covid 19 – not songs and music, but stories. I told him I’ve found a safe haven in fanfiction – I’ve found people I wish I knew years ago! I’ve found friends who I’m now collaborating with (back in the day I was never in a band or anything like that). I’ve told Dad about my experience publishing my little ficlettes and stories on AO3 - how I was receiving reviews and feedback. I told him about ‘Kudos”.

His ears suddenly perked up and bless him – he said “Do you think your friends would look at my story too and do you think they would leave a comment?”

Well friends, now you *know* - I’m a daughter on a mission!

My dad’s alias is Raymond Jeffrey. His birthday is the 12th of December and I’ve been thinking...What can I possibly give the man who has literally fuelled my love of writing? Who has constantly encouraged my creativity. What does he truly want?

The answer is Kudos people!!!!!

My dad isn’t interested in the amount of sales or rankings his book gets – It’d be nice, but it won't stop him from writing his trilogy. He's already a thrid of the way through book 2!!! (BAMF!)

So friends, if I may be so bold - can I ask you to reach out and leave him a review on Amazon? Even if it is as simple as a phrase of encouragement to keep writing, to continue? The way we do in Fandom?

That would be simply magic!!!

I’m not asking you to buy his book, but if you have Kindle I’d love for you to give his original work a go and leave him a review.

You can download a free sample here:

https://www.amazon.com.au/God-Wills-Lucifers-Raymond-Jeffrey-ebook/dp/B07NTQ2C5T

Dad literally painted the artwork himself (and then had mum scan it as a PDF in order to upload it and then use it as a cover). My mum has been simply amazing – she’s his Alpha and has encouraged him on this life long goal to write a book.

Dad currently had 10 sales in total (some are purchases made by family from overseas) and recently he cheekily introduced himself to his new neighbour (my folks recently moved during Covid 19) as an ‘internationally selling author’(Omg Dad! 😆🤣😂 ). He's also hired a woman to professionally format and edit his book for SPAG – so his book has actually been professionally Beta’d (when I told him I had met people who loved Betaing for funsies he was shocked and also secretly I think he was a little jelly 🤭🤭🤭).

So yes, can you help me friends????? Be a part of this movement I’m trying to start?!

I would literally love for him to suddenly get a flood of reviews and have no idea why!

I plan to share this post with him for his birthday.

Thanks and gratitude friends!

Love from Missy xxxxx

#kudosformissysdad

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merciresolution · 4 years ago

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IT’S WHALE TIME

HERE WE GO, BOIS, IT’S TIME TO TALK ABOUT WHY TOAD AND THE WHALE WOULDN’T WORK IRL LMFAO LET’S GOOOOO

So I know this episode came out years ago, but it’s been on my mind lately. I’ve always wanted to talk about why it’s super unrealistic

But this show itself is unrealistic lmao and I didn’t wanna seem hyper critical of it or anything. This is just for funsies and a chance for me to talk about WHALES

SO LET’S BEGIN!!!!!

So the episode starts. A minute in, Toad sees a beached whale, but no one believes him at first. Let’s ignore that part and talk about the whale itself!!!

It ain’t a Blue Whale, that’s for sure. Thing’s too small! And the markings don’t really match up. Imo it kinda doesn’t look like any whale species I’m familiar with, but for the sake of giving it a species, let’s call it a Minke Whale. Minkes do live in the Irish Sea (where the Island of Sodor is located), plus this thing kinda has faint flipper mittens! Very faint.

Photo Link

So let’s call it a Minke. A Minke Whale washed ashore. It’s not having a good day, clearly. People gather around it, the Search and Rescue Center is alerted, y’know, standard stuff.

Also Duck yelled at Toad, how dare you, sir?????? Let the bab sing.

They givin’ that baby lots of attention. BUT ALSO Why are you bringing trains of water? Why are you bringing fire engines? Why not just... Bucket the sea water to the whale? Surely that’d... Cost less? Probably be more efficient?

BUT IT’S TRAIN SHOW. I’ll forgive it for wanting to add trains.

So Butch comes along with the intent of dragging the whale back to the sea, but Harold says the tide is too far out. YES! This is a real issue that happens when it comes to rescuing stranded cetaceans. Their bodies are so heavy, they can’t really support their own weight on land. So to DRAG IT back to the ocean would probably kill it.

Good job, train show!

But also what were you planning on hooking up to, Butch?

MOVING ON!!!

The workers cover the whale to protect it from the sun. Another yes! Beached cetaceans are very susceptible to sunburns, so they are often covered with towels and such if rescuing them takes a while. (Also I’m pretty sure the fabric holds in water, thus assisting in keeping the whale moist, so double good!)

But uh, after covering the whale they uh spray it with... fire hoses....???

Yeah I don’t think that’s... The greatest plan. The whale still needs to breathe. (Good job, show, for not covering the whale’s blowhole with the towel!!) That might also stress the whale out? I know some cetaceans enjoy being sprayed with pressurized water, but... Not when they’re beached...

BUT THEY GOTTA USE THE TRAINS IN TRAIN SHOW. SO I CAN FORGIVE, AGAIN.

So Oliver says the whale can swim away when the tide comes back in. Yup, that’s pretty much how these things go! It’s kinda hard to move an animal that can weigh, in this case, up to 10 tons. But high tide won’t be for hours, and Toad wants the whale rescued now. Understandable! So he comes up with a plan to pick the whale up and bring it to the docks, where the water is deeper!

u h

Well. Some whales have been lifted and brought back into the ocean. Exhibit A. But... They plan on putting it on a train. And... Taking it to Brendam. From Bluff’s Cove. How far away is that, again?

...oh.

Yeah, that, uh.... That- that might be an issue, Toad. BUT THEY GO WITH IT ANYWAYS! IT’S TOAD’S EPISODE!

where the fuck did you get a sling that big how did you get it underneath the whale

what

Also... That poor thing’s pectoral fins are being crushed???? Here’s what a whale in a sling looks like:

From what I remember in the documentary Born to be Free, a Beluga was lifted in a stretcher without holes for its pectoral fins, and its shoulders risked being broken. (I think another one’s actually were broken? Like, during a capture. I’d have to go back and look.) But then again, I have seen a few (and I mean like 1 or 2) rescues with slings without holes for their pecs, so I can’t really criticize too much...

but how the fuck did you get a sling that big? did you custom make it? if so, why didn’T YOU ADD HOLES--

SUDDENLY THE WHALE IS HERE NOW, WHAT????? WHO MOVED IT CLOSER TO ROCKY???

That’s just an inconsistency error than a realism issue lmfao

So they load the whale onto a flatbed, and Toad starts singing to it to soothe it along the ride.

Whales do sing to each other. But Minkes don’t sound like what you’d think a whale should sound like. (My personal favorite is the “Star-Wars” vocalization.) But let Toad sing. I’ll allow it because it’s Toad. Plus he’s singing so softly, he loves his new friend so much already

Strangely enough, the whale survives the trek.

And Cranky lifts it up and into the water of the docks. The... Noisy... Polluted... Docks... Whales are very acoustic creatures. Sound is a way of life for them! If this thing wasn’t disoriented already from stranding and being carried across the island to a foreign location, suddenly being tossed into the docks probably didn’t help.

THIS THING BOLTS FROM THE SLING IN LIKE 4 SECONDS FLAT, SO I GUESS IT REALLY WANTED OUTTA THERE!!!

AND GUESS WHAT, SKIPPIES???

It swims away and waves goodbye to Toad c:

IN CONCLUSION the whale should have died. stress should have killed it.

BUT this show is fictional. it’s fun, it’s cute, the story was sweet, toad is baby

and i did this just to scream about a whale

and i’m still very happy a whale was in a ttte episode thank you, season 19

BUT TO BE ACTUALLY SERIOUS FOR A SECOND

If you do spot a stranded animal, please don’t try to push or carry it back into the water. There could be something wrong with it. It could be very sick and disoriented, and if you push it back into the water, it would likely just restrand itself.

Instead, contact a local marine mammal rescue center! Sometimes animals just need to spend a little time in human care to recover, then they can be released, good as new!

THIS HAS BEEN AN EDUCATIONAL MOMENT WITH MERCIRESOLUTION.

THANK YOU FOR READING

AND IF YOU MADE IT THIS FAR, I LOVE YOU. Have a heckin’ good day.

#ttte #thomas the tank engine #thomas and friends #toad and the whale #if any of my whale mutuals wanna weigh in on this or correct me FEEL FREE!!!!

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natsunoomoi · 4 years ago

Text

So sometimes I check wikis to like look things up about a show or series that I don’t have time to read or watch the whole thing fully cuz that’s a time investment I just don’t have but I have questions I just want a quick answer to.

The problem is, wikis are of course, made by like regular people with varying levels of biases and also sometimes selective memory of events. As can be seen in my more recent posts with SVSSS and MXTX’s works I’ve been on those wikis, but sometimes the explanations of plot points and a bunch of other stuff are really confusing and circular. SVSSS’s is being more cleaned up recently, but it still has some things that it says happened, that I couldn’t find at all when reading the book and I’m just like, where did they find that info to put on the wiki?

Like one of my earlier posts when I started reading SVSSS at the beginning, I mentioned how I read that original Luo Binghe got killed by his harem eventually and I thought that made sense cuz ultimately no one in that original plotline made choices that made them genuinely happy. But when I read the book, I didn’t see any mention of that anywhere...? I think last time I went to go look at BC Novels they had one chapter left to translate. Is it in there?

Then at other times, I wonder if there’s an inconsistency because there’s a limitation between the translation I read and like something in the original Chinese text like there’s a typo, which obviously there’s a mistake then. But then other times, I’m wondering if people read a different thing, but most of the people with a different interpretation don’t seem to be able to read Chinese and are reading the same translation as me, but I’m confused where they got certain details from?

Like for instance, there’s another part on the wiki where it says Airplane originally planned for PIDW to be a BL from the beginning, but I’ve literally been trying to find where that was stated because I don’t remember that and I don’t see that anywhere and the chapter citation that is listed on the wiki goes to a chapter that doesn’t talk about that at all. Airplane/Qinghua does say that he made changes to Qingqiu’s character that were originally more complex to make him a trash human and he did that to make a living, but I can’t find where it says he originally wanted it to be a BL theme to begin with. In the chapter they cite it says that Qinghua had designed Binghe to have an appearance in a way that appealed more to a female audience and be more of a pretty boy. That doesn’t mean that he meant his entire book to be a BL it just means you make your main character look a certain way partly for internal logic because that look is really popular with women so the in-story women would probably find him attractive and in a meta sense any females who happen to also read a stallion novel like some women read shounen manga would find him hot in real life. A successful story does things like that to reach people outside of its target audience and that’s kind of a lot of the reason why a lot of Shounen Jump manga are really popular with women too even though a lot of the stories have the male perspective in mind. The chapter it cites only talks about the actual physical appearance design choice he made for Binghe vs Mobei-Jun. He just says that Mobei-Jun was made for the kind of male character he prefers to think about, but Binghe was just designed with the idea of what would make him more popular and also could kind of be like a self-insert-ish for his desire to beat on people for funsies. It doesn’t talk at all about what the genre he planned for the book to be and interpreting the text to that much is really stretching the context to wishful thinking levels. I don’t even actually care either way what kind of novel PIDW was because it’s not actually that important to enjoying the story of SVSSS, but I don’t know if it’s the Ravenclaw in me or what, but it just bugs me when there’s something that seems *wrong* printed on a thing that is supposed to inform other people. I’m literally reading chapters at the same time as trying to write this post to find where I think maybe it was said, but it sure as hell wasn’t the chapter the wiki cites.

The other day I re-read the chapter when Qinghua taunts SY with Qingqiu��s real memories, and he doesn’t even say it then. ATM, I’m trying to look through the last chapter because there’s that one part when Qinghua shows up right at the end and talks with SY at the celebration, but even at the start at the chapter, SY talks about how Qingqiu was super straight to him. SY is an unreliable narrator, but given the context of Qingqiu’s life events that makes sense. His personal trauma because of Qiu Jianluo also pushed him away from any amount of closeness he could have with other men other than ones he already trusted to some degree. He had a lot of problems forming new relationships of any kind with other men because of deep-seated trust issues. Not that he didn’t have any, but meaningful ones were pretty absent. One only because of a very sad misunderstanding and lack of communication and explanation, but the others just tough.

But like also there’s like that SJ slept in the Warm Red Pavilion and he went there just for comfort rather than more lascivious reasons. Yeah, it’s true that he didn’t go there for those intentions, but like it’s still in the environment so it’s not like he’s unaware of what happens there. I mentioned it in the previous post about his search for means to grow his cultivation, but only to say he’s probably not that innocent and there may be some truth to him wanting to do something to Ning Yingying out of desperation to make up for his low cultivation foundation. Like he’s aware of those kinds of things and he probably came across something that said that was a way he could grow his cultivation. Desperation and this motivation I think is probably the only reason why he would be so tempted to cross that line with Yingying because he otherwise treats women rather well. She is his favorite too, so if a person who usually treats females well for some reason wants to do something that would be hurtful to their favorite person, there has to be a much deeper motivation behind that. The only thing that is a canonically greater obsession I think would have to be his cultivation level. He has a number of self-esteem issues and such a well, but his greatest pride and greatest concern is his cultivation. He is proud of his abilities, but also he laments and regrets the version of him he couldn’t become so much I can foresee that if there was a suggestion that he could overcome his late start in some way by using someone female, I think he’d at least think about it and also consider who he knows could be a viable candidate should he want to act on it and that is how that part of PIDW happened. Pain and desperation make people do things that are uncharacteristic, so it has to be something that really bothers him more than in a moment of weakness that idea is there.

Which is another point I have an issue with on the wiki because it says his low cultivation is “logically” because he started late and spent so much time with a fake master. It’s not logically. It’s factually. It’s mentioned several times especially in the extras chapters from Shen Jiu’s point of view where he talks about how he is specifically behind because of wasting time with Qiu Jianluo and Wu Yanzi and also that he was the last to form a golden core. If it was coming out of SY or someone else’s mouth as an explanation, maybe you can say “logically”, but if it’s coming from SJ’s point of view chapter it sure as hell is not. That *IS* his motivation. He states it himself.

Also, I think some people don’t understand what it means to have a low cultivation foundation. Cultivation from what I gather according to the rules of this world is like a lot of talents we have in our world where you need to start young to be good at it. There’s a few skills that you can learn that if you don’t start at a specific time you lose the optimal window to develop your talent for it because of the way the brain functions and basically purges off skillsets you’re not using in your environment.

Learning a language is one such skill. When a baby is born, it has the capability to learn how to speak every language in the world, but as it gets older its brain purges out the sounds that it doesn’t hear from its environment and this keeps going into older childhood as well. The taxi driver I talked to the other day about this said you have to start before you’re 10, which sounds about right. The phoneme purging in your brain starts quite early though so that’s why my company has classes for Moms and their 1 or 2 year old so that they can speak to them in English to try to keep English sounds in their environment so that they can have perfect pronunciation when they grow up. If you try to learn a new language when you’re older that’s how you have accents. You don’t have the phonemes to speak the language perfectly so your brain is imitating the sounds with the ones you do have. Plus it’s a constant use skill. I used to be able to speak Cantonese with no accent up until my teens, but I haven’t spoken it in so long that slowly I started to have an accent and now I can’t say the words properly anymore. I don’t know that much Cantonese to begin with that aren’t baby words, but I used to be able to say them properly.

Music is another one and that one has an even more narrow window. Kids with parents hoping that they will be music prodigies usually start them on music VERY young like 3 or 4. It’s not that it’s impossible for someone to pick up an instrument later in life, but there’s a type of sense to music and hearing the scale and developing that skill that if you don’t start kids on it at that time, their musical ear will not be as good.

And it’s that “not as good” thing that Qingqiu is chasing. He is exceptionally powerful and talented which is why despite starting late he became favored. He is very capable and good at what he does, but he is not as good as what he could have been. Even though he is so good, he is only haunted by how much better he would have been if he had started on time and had proper instruction. A musician who maybe wants to be a concert violinist but took up the instrument late may struggle to get a good seat in an orchestra because despite any talent they have, their ear is not as developed as someone else. Such a musician would be vexed and lament that they hadn’t discovered their love for the instrument sooner just as Qingqiu is vexed and laments that he didn’t start proper cultivation development earlier.

And I’m griping about SVSSS more because I read that book so I have more points of reference to go on. But like the wikis for MDZS and TGCF aren’t much better. MDZS is maybe a little more coherent and easier to follow, but TGCF confused the hell out of me and it took me awhile to understand what was going on. I really needed it though cuz I was watching the donghua and like I think the way they present some of the scenes is like slightly out of order for like foreshadowing and other like film reasons, so I checked the wiki while watching to try to get more context cuz I don’t have much time right now to pick up another book at the moment. I was so confused though cuz like...it seems like the logic in the entries is so circular and I’m trying to keep track of all the characters and what’s happening. I hope it’s better now but at the time I was watching it I was so confused and struggling to make sense of what’s happening.

And like maybe you’re wondering why if I read the book, would I bother checking a wiki. Mostly out of laziness because I’m thinking of something and I don’t want to go find the exact chapter to help me flesh out my thought and reference point. I end up getting more frustrated sometimes depending on what I’m looking up because of the above things.

Plus again I’m like a bit mystified as to why Qingqiu’s look seems to appeal to me. It’s not just him though and like other characters with a similar style in some of the games I play. I think there’s some imprint from some very old childhood memory that I only vaguely remember. Like it’s a look that seems familiar, but I can’t put my finger on where it’s from and I can’t figure it out, so I keep just going to check images to see if it will make me remember. I think it’s a movie I saw with my Dad as a young child, but I can’t remember it at all. I remember there was one Jet Li movie I watched with my Dad once and I ended up watching all the time cuz I thought Jet Li was really cute in that movie (I was also 3 so I don’t know why I’m thinking that way, but whatever), but like Jet Li was bald in that movie because it was about a Shaolin Temple. I think at the time my Dad showed me that movie I already showed an interest in movies from my own heritage, so that’s why he showed me that. But like I can’t remember anything else. I suppose it could have been something my grandpa watched because sometimes he’d watch a Chinese movie when I was playing in the living room and I’d stop to watch too and then he’d fast-forward through the intimacy scenes, but because I’d just look over at something he was already watching I have no idea what any of those were.

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