#he is absolutely horrific for the first part of the story. absolutely horrendous and i didn't want to put more stigma and im still

[woodlandscab1n]

Man. I'm glad I have Bishop as a character, they were a character that I used to beat the shit out of myself for what I considered my "bad traits", a complete extreme of this side I didn't wanna touch even with a stick.

But then I did. And, it's just...wild? I guess, I never thought I would even come close to redeeming this character, or making him any more sympathetic than what I established as the base. And it ended up happening anyways.

Through out the writing of their character I put myself the rule of never, ever change his core of being...because I wanted to make them irredeemable, by them never wanting to truly change, they'll never be redeemed but, I was wrong.

Redeeming him wasn't about changing his core, about making him more human-like, making him love and feel like other people do, completely overhauling his way of thinking. It was just... accepting it, and that doesn't mean you're doomed to be a bad person and hurt people just because of how, what you are.

I still have a long way to go to fully accepting those parts of myself, as well as seeing it on other ppl, but this character has given me a perspective I honestly didn't even know I needed, or even know it was a possibility for me.

[homestuckreplay]

Favorite Homestuck Character: 27th US President William Howard Taft

(page 556-566)

8/29/2009 Wheel Spin: Dramatic Irony Verdict: Puns, The Lower Form Of Humor

8/31/2009 Wheel Spin: Parent Bad :( Verdict: Brother Truly Awful And Horrendous

We begin these pages with John, followed by a quick cut to Dave. Both of them navigating the dangers of their home and the possibility of being watched, but in very different ways.

The Colonel Sassacre and Bathtub level ups are clearly just a setup for puns, so I’m not gonna read too much into the idea that everything can level up (yet). But Colonel Sassacre gained 9550 boondollars from his level, so he must be pretty far up the echeladder compared to the bathtub (490) and John’s meager 200. Sassacre’s new level is ONE MAN JULEP VACUUM. A julep is a chilled cocktail, today usually made with mint, bourbon and crushed ice, although historically used rose petals and was prescribed for health. In 1939, the mint julep became the official drink of the Kentucky Derby after being drunk there probably since its inception. For the ‘genteel, aristocratic southern colonel’ hoovering up a large number of juleps at the derby must be a sign of social status. A high achievement indeed.

Meanwhile, the bathtub’s levels are both references to apocryphal bathtub-related stories. ARCHIMEDED was the ancient Greek mathematician who got into the bathtub and realized that placing an object into a liquid would displace that volume of that liquid (and could therefore determine what metal an object was made from, via the relationship between weight, volume and density) and ran naked through the streets yelling “eureka!” So, his AQUACRADLE is the watery crib that nourished and inspired him. Meanwhile, William TAFT was the US President famous for being the heaviest person in office, who was believed to have gotten stuck, or JAMMED, in the White House bathtub. Although both of these stories are probably false, they’re famous and they’re fun references.

Finally, VAULTHALLA is a pun on Valhalla, the hall of slain warriors in Norse mythology. It’s horrific as a pun (complimentary) but I do think p.558 is the best looking page in all of Homestuck so far. The jewel tones streaked to create the sunset and the sea, the way the boat bobs on the waves and the fire flickers and is reflected in the water is way more beautiful than it needs to be to carry the pun.

LAD SCRAMBLE (p.560) is John’s equivalent of YOUTH ROLL (p.379) in terms of being acrobatic feats attempted and failed by these characters. Can’t wait for Dave’s Dude Scoot and GG’s Kid Tumble. But I am really glad this happened to our boy on the lowest flight and not miles above the house. The code violations on Rose’s building are scarier to me than the absolutely MASSIVE imp that shows up afterwards.

As predicted, this is the rook. It has a better moveset than the imps and is worth about five of them power-wise which is absolutely more than John can handle. The learning curve of Sburb continues to be really steep. I wonder if all the enemies are literally climbing up from below? It makes sense given that they’re part of the forces of darkness, and it sets the game up as a giant chase using architecture, where – at a certain point – just out-climbing the smaller enemies might be more effective than killing them, and only the higher level enemies will even reach the players.

Returning to Dave after a hundred pages away from him is like stepping from the normal world into the first layer of endless puppet hell. His mind is a complex and terrible place, but he – or the narrator – is getting closer to admitting some things. He feels ‘pangs of jealousy’ about his bro’s turntable gear and there’s a mention of getting worked up, and he acknowledges that his bro’s comic ‘get[s] under [his] skin’ and that he thinks it’s ‘just a little TOO ironic.’ He is also aware that ‘trouble’s a-brewin’ due to a missing sword. This feels like somebody getting sucked in too deep to a subculture that’s fine in moderation, but then somebody takes it way too far to the point that it’s harmful – but by then it’s too late to get out, especially when that somebody lives with you, has power over you and presents themself as an authority.

Today I learned that ‘Animal’ is the actual name of a Muppets character (along with Rowlf). This comic is of course puppet themed – Bro does not have a diversity of interests – being tormented by Jigsaw from the movie Saw, which I will watch soon. The art style is different to Sweet Bro & Hella Jeff, less pixelated and artifacted with some hand lettering instead of Comic Sans, darker in both tone and color palette. I’m sure this is post-post-post-post-ironic to some people but to me this is just every ‘what if we took a children’s story… and made it Fucked Up’ post that has been made on the internet in the last decade.

There’s also near-confirmation that Bro is hiding close by and messing with Dave’s mind via sylladex. On p.563, there’s a flash of the sword on the wall being captchalogued, and on p.564, the flash of Lil Cal being de-captchalogued – both from back towards the couch area if my mental picture of the room is right. Out of every character we’ve met so far, Dave’s bro is the one without a single redeeming quality; every new fact or insinuation draws him as an even worse guy.

[wednesdaypasta]

Asuka Langley Sohryu analysis

VERY LONG POST!!!!!!! 

This essay is purely for my own autistic ass, make of it what you will lol.

Asuka is often viewed as a conceited, narcissistic and deeply flawed character in NGE. I don’t believe Soryu is truly as horrendous as others perceive her to be, perhaps that is due to my own projections or simply me giving her the benefit of the doubt, so I’ve decided to take it upon myself to truly understand every aspect of her traumas, her actions throughout the series and finally her death. I want to know what caused her to become such a self loathing yet egotistical child. every tiny detail of her personality can be traced back to specific events, she's been created with such detail and precision, it's hard not to want to delve deeper into her story.

Prior to the traumatic events of NGE Asuka had a horrific home life. She was neglected by her mother who was busy with work, leaving Asuka feeling irrelevant. This sparked an overwhelming need for attention, which followed her from early childhood right until her last breath.

 Kyoko Sohryu (Asuka’s mother)  was a key scientist in the German division of Gehirn. (What would later become NERV’s third branch.) She was the subject of the contact experiment with Unit-02, where during this experiment part of Koyokos soul would bond with the eva, causing severe mental damage. This led to her becoming incredibly unstable and psychotic, believing one of Asuka’s dolls was her daughter rather than Asuka. As a result of her mothers insanity, Asuka felt even more neglected and abandoned. She was replaced by a doll, not even a human, but an inanimate object. 

At Kyoko’s most deranged she pleaded Asuka to die with her in a double suicide, to which Asuka, in an act of desperation to be loved, agreed. Her mother instead hung herself alongside the doll. Asuka was so replaceable to her own mother that she wasn't even worth being killed. In later life Asuka grows to feel utter contempt and disgust towards her own weakness; she was completely vulnerable and desperate to be loved, so much so that she would have died. She’s extremely black or white. If he can’t be loved, she should die.

The Asuka we are first introduced to doesn't seem to carry much of this weight at all. She’s bright, bubbly, feisty and fun. Her presence brings a much needed lift to the show with dance routines, montages and general playfulness from both her and Shinji. How can such a broken character appear so confident? Asuka uses her ego as a safety net, she wants to appear as confident (if not bordering on narcissistic) as possible to hide the fact that she is very much still an insecure child.  If she doesn't appear vulnerable, no one can hurt her. Her confidence will project onto those around her and she will be the most loved girl in Japan, right? She is the best Eva pilot by far, they need her. These thoughts are enough to keep her not only alive, but living.

Obviously this doesn't keep up, as we see Shinji strike Asuka’s nerves more and more with every episode that passes. Shinji is the counterpart to Asuka, everything that he lacks, she will overcompensate with. His nonchalant, pessimistic, self pitying attitude is everything she hates. But shinji isn't all too dissimilar from Asuka at all, his ego is absolutely huge; if he isn’t happy, why should anyone else be, he's not loved so everyone should die. Everything that Asuka pushes onto herself, Shinji pushes onto others. This causes a very expected clash between the two. Part of me believes that Asuka potentially sees in Shinji what she could have become if she had not been chosen to pilot unit-02. Someone merely existing, an insecure child whining at any given chance about doing this, that and the next thing. Someone ‘useless’. Asuka demands to be used at any given chance for recognition and validation, even at the prospective cost of her life/sanity.

While Shinji is the embodiment of the internal threat of her deep rooted shame, insecurities and fears, Rei represents the external threat that she can and will be replaced. Rei is the golden child, she does as she’s told, she fights well. This can be proven in episode 22 after Asuka has yet again been defeated by an angel, her sync rates drop. This comes as a massive blow to her fragile ego. To make it worse, Ritsko notices Asukas mental disturbance and orders Rei to shoot the Angel, leaving Asuka literally in her shadow. This is when the mindrape (i hate that term but i can't think of anything better to describe it as) occurs, leaving Ritsuko no choice but to start looking for a replacement pilot. Rei ends up saving her by using the spear of longinus. This absolutely destroys Asuka, how could she be shadowed, let alone saved by someone as spineless as Rei? She's being replaced yet again, bringing her back to square one in regards to her Mothers horrific passing. At this point both Shinji and Rei are performing better than her, proving her to be useless. The very thing she berated Shinji for from the beginning.

Kaji and Misato also play some of the most important roles in Asukas life, being her only acting guardians. Kaji is the only person we see Asuka actively regress back into a childlike state with. Her pleas to be recognised and loved by him are overwhelmingly upsetting. Screaming that she is an adult, that she wants to have intercourse by him and be viewed as somewhat of an object is a desperate cry for help. She wants to prove that she’s no longer an insecure child, but her ways of doing so only prove that more. While Kaji never made advances on her, he equally enabled it to an extent. I believe that sex is what Asuka perceives as the most adult thing she can comprehend, so she yearns for it with an adult figure to not only prove to him but herself that she is no longer the sobbing infant at her mother’s dangling feet. Kaji seems somewhat aware of her past, which may be why he never put his foot down with her. He knows that the harsh rejection of her advances would cause the spiral that eventually came due to her sync scores dropping. Pleading for intimacy may also be (in her mind) one of the least shameful ways for Asuka to beg for validation. We never saw Asuka in this state with any of her classmates, leading me to believe that she uses Kaji as he is somewhat of a parental figure to her, as fucked up as that is. She needs him to validate and praise her as she never got that from either of her parents, but would never hurt her pride by saying that blatantly therefore relying on sex to get her point across. When it’s revealed that Misato had previous relations with Kaji, this obviously hurts Asuka’s ego to an extent. She views Misato as a fully fledged woman who, like Rei, is capable of what she is not. Asuka’s battle with the constant sexualisation of herself is one of the most misunderstood parts of her character. A lot of people seem to believe it was used as fucked up fanservice, but i wholeheartedly think it’s a very jarringly real way to portray how neglect and abuse can affect a young girl, regardless of how uncomfortable it is to watch firsthand. It rounds out her backstory fully and adds a whole other level of depth to her character for individuals to identify with.

At the end of Evangelion we have a broken, soulless and decayed Asuka. She is no longer the abrasive, confident and overbearing character some of us (guiltily) adored. Only a miracle could bring back the determined character we know and love. Thrown into unit-02 for safety, Soryu is left comatosed only for her mothers voice to wake her. Kyoko can be heard saying the words ‘You’re alive!’ several times. This implies that the maternal part of Kyoko's soul was the one trapped inside unit-02, and is now cheering Asuka to fight, to live! However, another voice joins in, begging Asuka to ‘Please die with me!’. Both these voices mix together, thus suggesting that the insane Kyoko and Maternal Kyoko have merged together inside the Eva. Regardless of her mother chanting to die with her, the voice telling her to live on shines through and provides the motivation to have one of (what I consider) one of the best battles in cinematic history. Asuka comes to the realization that she was never truly alone. Her mother was always watching over her, watching her pilot the eva. Everything she had ever longed for was truly validated in that moment. She fought with a might that we had never seen before, she truly gave it her all. It feels so incredibly bittersweet to see her truly at her happiest, screaming out ‘mama!’ as she brutally tears mass unit eva’s to shreds, smashing their heads in, ripping off limbs etc. The whole scene is so authentically Asuka Langley Sohryu. The sheer shock, the horrifying events unfolding while she has a wide grin on her face. She was actively risking her life knowing she has the validation she has craved since he was a toddler. Everything I have spoken about in this essay truly comes together in this heart wrenching scene; her screaming about useless shinji, her crying out for her ‘mama’, her overbearing confidence in herself. Even in her last moments she was determined, not to prove to anyone else but herself that she was useful. She says through gritted teeth and a struggling breath ‘I’ll kill you’ thus proving how she was genuinely set on being seen till her very last moments on earth.

I firmly believe that Asuka is one of the most well thought out and genuinely complete characters I’ve ever seen in fiction. While she is not the most ‘likeble’ she provides a very important role in making Neon Genesis Evangelion the show we know and love. Anno has done a fantastic job of creating a character that is so easy to hate yet so easy to relate to. As previously mentioned, some of this may be projection but I truly do feel she is a character anyone could pick apart and find some sort of self in.

[itsclydebitches]

Godddddd I'm so upset that I dislike yen this much, doing main quests in skellige and Freyas ppl were doing stuff and she again disrespected other cultures with Geraly being against, "I may be inhumanly beautiful" I know she's meant to be confident but wowww. She's not confident and worried for Ciri she just comes off arrogant and selfish and vain. Like, fuck.

The ultimate mood, anon. My Witcher fandom life would be so much easier if I enjoyed Yen ... but I just do not lol. Remember how I mentioned that things were going to get even worse than her stealing and using a potentially dangerous artifact? Yeeeaah. She also resurrects Ciri's friend to torture him for information, all while destroying another sacred garden to get the power to do it! It's not even a "She's so evil and I love it 😏" situation for me because the game tries so hard to convince us that she's still The Best. Geralt's sexy soulmate, Ciri's adoring mother, the baddest bitch around who gets things done and does it with an effortless confidence... all while ignoring how horrific her actions and attitude are. Oh sure, other characters speak ill of her at times, but considering how much Geralt is written to adore her, no matter what you choose, that's all undermined. I love morally gray/evil characters, but I've never enjoyed them when the text refuses to appropriately acknowledge that side of them. Nothing is more frustrating to me than a story that frames disliking a character as the unambiguously wrong thing to do, especially when the text is piling up reasons to dislike them and, as a result, ignoring or shrugging them off their actions as not that bad. Yen is a rather extreme example of that for me. Despite her attitude, her choices, and other characters outright going, "Why do you like her?" the story as a whole works under the assumption that it's correct to like her anyway because Geralt loves her. And he loves her for... reasons.

They do meet before the wish, but only just. Major "The Last Wish" spoilers in this paragraph, so feel free to skip. Basically, Geralt and Dandelion run into trouble with a djinn, he goes to Yen for help since she's a sorceress (first time meeting her), he instantly falls for her because she's gorgeous and such (there's an elf there who is also madly in love with Yen. Men just... fall for her, instinctually), she heals Dandelion, Geralt agrees to pay her, but Yen has already decided on the payment she wants. She takes control of Geralt's mind and forces him to attack the town to seek revenge on those who have insulted her, resulting in him waking up in prison awaiting execution for "his" crimes. Meanwhile, Yen has gone after the djinn for herself because power/trying to regain her ability to have a kid. Geralt escapes, finds her failing to master the djinn (an attempt which btw has endangered the whole town) and despite what she's done to him, Geralt tries to get Yen to escape with him. She refuses, set on capturing the djinn even though it's obvious she can't. So as a last resort he uses the final wish to bind their fates together, saving Yen from the djinn in the process. Aaaaaand then they have sex.

So yeah, their rocky relationship is one of the main reasons why I can't enjoy Yen. For some their tumultuous history is evidence of realism, for me it's evidence that they're not actually very compatible and they're only together because a) that's the fantasy trope: protagonist men get together with the hot sorceress and b) because the magic is literally ensuring that they can't escape one another. I mean, canonically their fates are tied together by magic and canonically they spend about 20 years swinging between passionate love and fearsome fights... but there's supposedly no connection between these two things? No chance at all that they keep coming together because magic is drawing them rather than because they actually want/should be together? I wrote a meta a while back about the short story where they meet, which includes a present day scene where Geralt is criticized by another character — Nenneke — for running out on Yen. Thing is, he tries to explain that he left because she was "too possessive" and this is... flat out ignored. By both Nenneke and the fandom. There's a strong trend of ignoring Geralt's words in favor of a pro-Yen interpretation of events. He says he left because she was too possessive and she treated him like ____ — he's not allowed to finish the sentence and say what she treated him like because Nenneke interrupts him, saying she doesn't care about his version of events. Major yikes imo! She turns a claim of being possessive into Geralt not being man enough to stick around. The fandom likewise turns this into a case of Geralt getting cold feet and running out because he's a bastard who hates commitment. Likewise, Nenneke and the fandom claim Geralt is trying to get Yen money as a way of appeasing his guilt for leaving, he claims he's doing it simply because he still cares for her — even if he doesn't want to be with her — and knows she needs it. Geralt's words are frequently dismissed, in the same way others characters' opinions of Yen are dismissed. Any mark against her is treated as either a lie, or a convoluted claim that they don't really know her... never mind that an understanding of why she may act this way doesn't excuse the behavior itself. (Plus, the whole "Yen had a horrible upbringing, so of course she struggles being kind" perspective always fell flat to me when so many, including witchers, had horrendous upbringings too. The whole point is this world is a mess and most everyone suffers). It's supposedly true love, yet if someone came up to me and went, "I magically tied my fate to this woman to keep her from getting herself killed and we've spent the last couple decades having what many would term a rocky relationship, to put it kindly. I left once because she was too controlling. She once cheated on me. I likewise hooked up with others during our frequent breakups. A mutual friend used magic to get me to have sex with her — also while my lover and I were broken up — and though I view it as a dumb decision I'm happy to forgive her for, my lover is ready to commit murder because again: possessive. A lot of the time we're only a family because of our daughter. I once thought she'd horrifically betrayed us both. She didn't, but it says something that I was so ready to believe it, huh? Hmm? Permanently separated? Of course not! I love her. We're destined to be together after all :)" I'd be like, "Uh... you sure about that, dude?"

Not that Geralt doesn't make his fair share of mistakes in the relationship — he absolutely does — but I don't think it helps his case that he's immature in other ways and, frankly, that he's a very strong, badass witcher. It's easy to turn the hints we get about their relationship into a simplistic "emotionally naive man can't give the poor woman the commitment she wants" situation. Given Geralt's status as the badass fighter of the tale, it's likewise easy to dismiss his admissions of her being "possessive" and his general discomfort. He's the man. He's the witcher. If he's making any claims about how Yen isn't treating him well, they must be excuses, or exaggerations, because real men, especially physically powerful men, would do something about that — a something that's not sneaking out in the middle of the night. A lot of people read Geralt leaving as the ultimate proof that he's an immature bastard who doesn't deserve her. I read him leaving and think, "What were you trying to get away from? What was going on that made you think you could only leave by sneaking out without a word?" To me, that doesn't read as someone who felt safe, comfortable, and respected enough to do anything but slip away and try to wash his hands of things. And I'm not just pulling this "Geralt is at least somewhat afraid of Yen and isn't comfortable establishing boundaries with her" reading out of my ass. When Yen wants Geralt to kill the golden dragon for her and he refuses, saying he doesn't care anymore, his thoughts are:

He expected the worst: a cascade of flames, flashes of lightning, blows raining down on his face, insults and curses. There was nothing. He saw, with astonishment, only the subtle trembling of her lips. Yennefer turned around slowly. Geralt regretted his words.

And everyone is like, "See! Yen has improved so much. Geralt nearly made her cry, but she's supposed to be the bad guy here?" Meanwhile, I'm going, "Uh... anyone want to unpack why he expects fire, lightning, insults, curses, and blows to his face for telling her no? Why he's astonished that she wouldn't use her magic against him? Anyone think that Yen refraining from attacking Geralt when he refuses to murder on her command is a pretty low bar? No? Just me?"

Geralt and Yen's relationship makes me uncomfortable and a great deal of that discomfort derives from how much of the Witcher fandom shrugs off the fictional warning signs. I mean, I post primarily about RWBY. We watched a man in that show try to sneak away with his kids when his villainous wife planned to use them for a eugenics plan... and the fandom still blames him for that, refusing to admit that he was in an abusive relationship. Because that doesn't happen to men, right? I'm not saying it's the same for Geralt and Yen, simply because they are written to be soulmates. An abusive relationship was, quite obviously, never the authorial intent. However, I am saying that the a "This isn't a healthy relationship" reading is there, it exists as an interpretation, and both the story and fandom's tendency to dismiss it is something that hasn't helped me enjoy Yen's status as an otherwise well written, complex character. Their equality supposedly stems in part because they're both so flawed, yet each time I see a list of Geralt's supposedly equal faults they're... lacking imo. "Geralt bound himself to Yen without her consent." Yeah, to save her from dying from the djinn she was trying to enslave, after she refused to leave, while her actions threatened a whole town. "Geralt ran off without a word." Mmm hmm, anyone care about why? And my personal favorite is a scene you may not have gotten to yet (or may not get depending on your choices), but suffice to say, Yen is supposedly justified in physically attacking Geralt if he dares to challenge her in any way. That's the main takeaway across the fandom: If Yen is pissed off, you must have done something to deserve it which, in the relationship deliberately written to be "stormy," is something that sets all the alarm bells in my head off. Honestly, it kinda makes my skin crawl to go, "Geralt didn't deserve that" and get responses back of, "Yeah he did because he [insert basic human action here]." The Witcher world is hard and cruel, absolutely, but that doesn't mean I personally enjoy seeing an equally messed up relationship presented as something that's enviable in its flaws. "That's actually true love because the magically bound man who often expresses discomfort with his lover, written by a male author with a very iffy perspective on women, says it's true love." Crazy theory here, but... maybe it's not?

Idk, lots of rambling on my end tonight! For me, Geralt/Yen reads as something rather tragic which, in a canon that unironically upholds the relationship, and in a Yen-adoring fandom, doesn't make enjoying her character any easier. I keep coming back to Witcher 3, the comics, the show, even the books going, "Maybe I'll like her this time?" but nope, still trying lol.

[b1ksh88p]

Be Mine ⛏

Plot Plot: You’ve been in a few relationships, unfortunately all ending in tragedy. You had a reputation for being a bad omen. Truly you were a sweet girl but it seemed like every single one of your lovers ended up dead or horrendously disfigured in the long run. This Valentine’s Day your boyfriend decides to jump ship for some blonde crushing the little hope you had left for your love life. In a slightly drunken haze you sneak into the mines for a rant about the cursed corporate holiday and to drown your sorrows in the solitude of the mines. But it seems like you’ve got a listener.

Tags/Warnings: Lots of cursing | Sprinkle of angst | Fluff

The cold air of the abandoned labyrinth did nothing to cool you down as you ventured further into its clutches. To put it lightly you were on fire. Every part of you wanted to tear someone apart. The auburn liquid sloshed around as you clumsily stomped past heaps of forgotten debris. If not for your drunken stupor you would’ve turned back. Everyone knew the horrific tale of the pickaxe cannibal murder. Although you were sure the story was somewhat embellished you’ve heard worse. Poor fuck did what he had to do to survive. Anyone else would’ve done the same, it’s human nature to do anything no matter how gruesome to survive.

“Give a girl a box of cheap chocolates and a fucking bouquet of withering roses and she’s supposed to repay ya by sucking your fucking dick and acting like yer the best thing since sliced bread.” You grumble.

The deeper you go the darker it gets. Stone walls become suffocating and everything looks like the enemy. A fight or flight response may have kicked in but you were in no place to think rationally. When your heel broke you fucking snapped.

“Stupid Roses, fuck ass chocolates, fake relationships for fake people who wouldn’t know love if it fucking stabbed them in the face!” You yell throwing the broken heel piece deep into the darkness. “A corporate holiday with no fucking insignificance! Just a money plot and a excuse to fuck and act like you like that worthless pathetic fuck you’re dating that you like them. When all 364 days you’ve been with em ya fucking loathe them!” You continue on tearing up the damned holiday in partially incoherent babbling until you hear glass break.

Despite your conditions you aren’t stupid. “Fuck is that?” You call out whilst backing up. At first you’re sure it’s a group of horny teenagers but through the gritty lights you see a single foreboding silhouette. This was where you run. Or at least you should’ve. Instead you squint your eyes like some tourist taking in the sights and step forward. “Bud y’know the mines are abandoned cuz of the poor guy who had to eat his friends right?” You call out. “I mean do you if this is your thing I support it but it’s kinda weird since you look exactly like the serial killer guy. Spot on cosplay.” You compliment. The figure doesn’t move. It doesn’t even look like he’s breathing. You feel your hairs start to stand up and goosebumps pepper you skin. It seems your liquid courage was fading.

“Welp I’ll leave you be, don’t wanna bore you with the details of this fucked up holiday.” You let out a wry laugh before turning your back on the figure. You get about 12 good steps in before the stride of death crescendos behind you. Now you were running. Your broken heels doing wonders at making this chase the easiest for your attacker. In the midst of running you take them off and throw them off behind you. Now look you weren’t aiming for the guy but when you heard the hit connect and a surprised grunt you got the feeling you were fucked. Instead of running in a straight line you dip into a little crawl space. Maybe he’d give up and fuck off you. To your horror the man crouches down and starts to crawl his way inside.

Without thinking you take the whiskey bottle and crash it on his head. “Leave me alone I don’t even like this fuckass holiday you fucking weirdo!” You cry. He looks up at you and stops trying to fit.

“Why not.” His voice was eerily calm. As if he weren’t some insane pickaxe murderer but a man.

“Well because it’s stupid and to lovy dovy. And because it feels wrong to celebrate it when such a tragedy had occurred.” You explain. “And...and I got dumped today so there’s that.” You huff.

“...You pity me?”

You shake your head. Words weren’t really your strong point and you didn’t need him thinking you were coddling him or anything. Instead you just stare into the glossy eyeholes with your own praying he’d just fuck off. You practically shit yourself when he continued to scramble through and stand up. You grab a rock and stand ready to knock him upside the head with it only have your wrist harshly grabbed mid throw.

“I don’t want your pity.”

This was it. You were gonna die. And it was gonna be painful and super fucking lame. On your headstone it would say:

“Loser girl no one cares about got dumped on Valentine’s Day...also got murdered lol”

Even though you wanted to sob and cry your eyes out you were way to stubborn to go out pleading and begging. “I was being empathetic you weirdo! We do what we gotta do to survive, and you did just that. You aren’t some crazy murderer. You’re just angry and traumatized and that’s ok!” The grip on your wrist only tightened. “Gah! Th-the system failed you dude. The whole fucking city failed you and still is failing you! You ha-have a right to be mad! I’m not excusing what you’ve done b-but shit I would’ve done the same!” You squeal feeling the blood flow completely cease as he tightened his grip.

Suddenly the pain stopped. You open your eyes and rub your poor wrist hoping the feeling would return. He seemed more docile. It was as if his entire aura had changed. The man sat down on a hunk of rubble, his weapon clenched in his grip. If you didn’t know better you could’ve sworn he was crying. It was a silent sob. Nothing overtly dramatic, kind of how like you’d expect a man who’s rarely cried to cry. It was unnerving. The only man you’ve ever seen cry was your dad and that was when he laughed to hard. This...this was gut wrenching.

This monster that was hellbent on killing you seconds ago was now a sad man huddled up in a corner like a child. You could never feel the pain he’s felt, relive the days of utter darkness and skewed rations. Never could you imagine the gritty taste of human flesh. The depravity one must have for themselves. The survivors guilt. The nightmares he must relive. He kept muttering something about the dark and the how he wasn’t a monster. How he just wanted to see the light again.

“It’s ok.”

You weren’t sure you could touch him so you just sat in front of him. He was still shaken up but the sound of your voice seemed to get through to him. “It’s ok and you’re safe. I’m here. I won’t go anywhere I’d you don’t want me to...” You could bare the cold for a night. You’d rather be frozen to death then brutally murdered.

Both of you sat there for what seemed like ages until he moved. You were on the edge of slumber before seeing a gloved hand slither towards yours. You wanted to move it. Make haste and dip but your body had become heavy. Your eyes seemingly weighed down by stones. Before you knew it he was oddly holding your hand. You saw him looking at you intently. Probably waiting for you to scream or pull away but you stayed put. One hand held up your head whilst the other was his to experience. It had probably been awhile since he’s been so vulnerable so you let him have this. It wasn’t like you had anything else to do tonight but sleep and pray that the hang over didn’t beat your ass in the morning. Before you could fall asleep he pulls you into a really awkward half ass embrace against the cold stained suit. It was far more comfortable than the back straining position you were in a second ago but man this guy was bad at ‘snuggling’. You felt like he was gonna smother you! When he found a comfortable position he rested that stupid ass mask on top of your head with a satisfied grunt before you gave up on protesting and fell asleep. How the hell were you gonna get home

When you wake there’s no cold embraces or odd masked men. Instead you find yourself wrapped in some dusty old quilt at the entrance of the mine. For a moment you think everything that occurred was a mere fever dream. A whiskey fueled hallucination. You scramble to your feet and notice a little note that had fallen from the tattered cloth. The paper, or what you hoped was paper and not dried human skin, had fairly neat handwriting. It was short and morbidly sweet.

Thank you.

There was a part of you that was absolutely mortified. The note solidified your suspicions of what had taken place last night. But the other part of you was strangely elated. You turn to the mine and put your hands to your mouth to amplify your words. “THANKS FOR NOT KILLING ME ILL MAKE IT UP TO YOU!!!!!!” You yell happily before heading back into town. You were pretty sure he didn’t hear you but it calmed you to know that he not only spared you but someone actually appreciated your presence.

This was definitely not your final encounter ⛏

#⛏

[syms-things-5]

Clear The Area - Chapter Fifteen (Part Two)

**A Chris Evans Story**

Previous Chapter Here

Tags: @jennmurawski13 @kelbabyblue

Warnings: 18+ NSFW, strong language, generally a bit awkward

Notes: This is a long chapter, sorry. Any comments welcome, good and bad.

Chapter Fifteen (Part Two)

“Let me just bring up your booking here, one moment please.”

The lobby of The Langham was an ocean of grey and blue. The sun was shining brightly outside, the hottest day of the year so far, and it reflected in every surface of the space and accompanying bar. It was sparse on the usual detailing, instead preferring a minimalist approach; the check-in desk consisted of a mere iPad and one lily artfully growing from a tall, geometrical glass vase. Random art hung from all sides. One looked vaguely like a donkey, Sarah was sure. There was also what she thought was an ash tray balanced on a pillar to the left of where she was standing but she didn’t dare to investigate it any closer in case it cost the price of a small car.

It had the same over-perfumed odour as the fragrance section of a Macy’s. The tiled floor look so clean and fresh you could be forgiven for thinking it had only just been laid that very morning. Sarah felt a pang of guilt walking in wearing her scuffed Converse. She always felt so out of place in places like this. It was the kind of place she would run a mile from if she had the choice but Greg had an “in” with the manager and now here she was. 

“So that will be four nights in our Executive Suite with Central Park view. You also have the bar allowance of $150 per night. You just need to take the elevator up to the 32nd floor and it’s the second door on your left. Would you like a hand with your bags, madam?” She motioned for the concierge to come over but held her hand up when she spied the puzzled look on Sarah’s face.

“I’m really sorry but I think there’s been some kind of mistake. I didn’t book a suite, just a standard double and I don’t think I pre-paid for any bar allowance. I didn’t even know I could do that to be honest.” Sarah chuckled awkwardly in an attempt to diffuse the tension but it fell on deaf ears. She handed the key card back to the lady, unsure of what else to suggest.

The lady showed practically no emotion at the possible mistake and simply took another look at her records before confirming that she was in fact correct with the initial room choice. “It’s definitely your suite, and...everything is paid for in advance. Could it have been made on your behalf? It looks like it was upgraded yesterday afternoon.”

Sarah wasn’t sure if she was asking her a question or telling her. She couldn’t believe she wasn’t biting her hand off but she hoped she hadn’t made some kind of horrific error her bank wouldn’t forgive her for. She could barely afford the double room she’d booked as it was and she’s sure the college wouldn’t have upgraded her without letting her know in advance. It made zero sense. They couldn’t have that kind of money going spare, putting students up in posh suites. She had no clue what could have happened.

Unless...Chris?

No, it wouldn’t be. He was less than pleased to hear she’d be away as it was. Except...well, who else? Sarah rolled her eyes a little too obviously before accepting the key card back. “That’s OK. I think I know what’s happened. It’s only the one bag. I can manage it.”

The lady nodded her thanks and, smiling politely, pointed her back towards the elevators. Sarah couldn’t move away from her fast enough.

Arriving at her floor, Sarah emerged from the lift expecting someone to come running up to her to confirm that they had in fact made a horrendous mistake. She slipped the key card into her door before pushing her way in to find her new home for the week.

The bedroom was large, uncomfortable so, with the bed positioned just off the middle in the room. Sarah figured the designer for a psychopath. It was big but not as empty as the lobby would have had her believe. In fact, it seemed reassuringly cosy despite the windows, so many windows stretching around the suite. There was a soft blue curved sofa opposite a screen that she’d seen smaller versions of in a cinema. Cushions fucking everywhere and fluffy white slippers she’d probably never take off again.

Everything seemed to be controlled from an iPad set in a stand by the bedroom door; the lights, the curtains, the air freshener, some background music for ambiance if she wanted. The windows tinted darker to block out the sunlight. Even the $1300 coffee machine was remote controlled; she had recognised it from the last edition of Home & Country Jocelyn had mailed to her, the exact one Shanna had been dropping hints about to Chris as a potential Christmas present.

The lounge offered her the clearest view of Central Park and with the light at this time in the afternoon, it was beyond stunning. She snapped a picture and considered texting it to Shanna but thought better of drawing attention to where she was staying. There was no way she could pass this off as a standard room even with her best efforts.

It was almost a shame to waste all of this on just herself. This room deserved romance, she thought.

Around the same time, Chris was on his third beer of the afternoon and lounging on his sofa. He had a new script in one hand, one he wasn’t particularly keen on but offered to read as a favour for a friend. He was so relaxed now that he had to re-read the last ten or so pages simply because it wasn’t landing. The whole room was lit softly by the sun outside. It had gone 4 o’clock when his phone rang disturbing the peace.

“Bernette! How was the journey?” he smiled into the phone as soon as he saw who it was.

“The bathtub is the size of my entire bathroom.” She announced, not giving him room to breathe. She heard him laugh heartily at the end of the line and could picture him looking smug and proud of himself, the dick. “I could have an orgy with the Patriots and still have room left.”

“Hey, don’t go getting any ideas.” he jostled with her. He placed the script down on the tablet to give her his full attention. “So, you like it, huh?”

“It’s...it’s absolutely gorgeous and utterly ridiculous. Seriously, dude, you did not need to do this.” She could sense his growing pride from here. “I’ve never stayed in anything like it. I have, like, a hundred towels.”

“That’s why I did it in the first place. Not for the towels, obviously, but just because you deserved something different. Something nice.” He enthused. “Don’t fight me on this, Bernette.”

“You should see the view. It’s so beautiful. I think I can see the museum.” She was stood on her tiptoes, pressed against the glass, looking at the tiny people milling around on the street so far below her. 

“i know,” he responded. “You’ll be there for a week and best to be comfortable, right?”

She didn’t want to argue with him. She was tired and extremely grateful for the kind gesture. She’d be able to enjoy the place and her time in the City more if she could firmly separate her work from any space in which she could chill out. It wasn’t like she was going to be raving all night nor have much chance to see places at this rate, so more space was probably a good thing. She hadn’t had an unbroken night’s sleep in...she couldn’t even remember when.

“Thank you, Chris.” she spoke softly after a brief pause.

“You’re welcome.”

She put her phone down on the bedside table and set about removing her clothes from her suitcase. Well, “clothes” in the loose sense. What she’d packed was basically gym gear, sweat pants, t-shirts, nothing remotely attractive, and a simple paid of black trousers for the exam day itself. Who was going to see her anyway? Shanna had thrown a jumper in the mix without her realising, dismayed at her insistence that she was not going out to bars to hook up with someone.

“But you’ll be gone the next day! It’s. The. Perfect. Crime!” Shanna had said, exasperated and throwing her hands in the air in dismay.

The majority of space in her suitcase has been taken up with journals and textbooks, ones she hadn’t see since she left medical school and had long since expected she would never see again. Funny what opportunities life threw at you when you least expected it.

She was soon feeling the push and pull of the day and had planned on spending at least a couple of hours studying that evening, so she had a clean-up and threw on the first set of sweatpants that fell out of the closet. She tied her hair up and out of her face, pulled out her notepad and switched her Macbook on. The TV was showing some repeat of a gameshow with the sound on low, more for background company than anything else, and she finally figured out how to get the coffee machine working thanks to a small tome buried inside a drawer underneath the coffee table.

Chris 9.44pm: All OK? Need company yet??

Sarah 9.45pm: I love you guys bt I can’t tell u how amazing it is having space to myself. Been a looooong day

Chris 9.51pm: ah

Chris 9.52pm: OK maybe don’t look outside your door

Momentarily confused, she rubbed at her eyes trying to come up with a pithy response.

Chris 9.56pm: well this is awkward...........

Sarah looked at the door and then back at her phone. Looking up at the door again, she unfolded her feet from underneath her and slowly walked towards it. Pulling it open, she found Chris looking up at her through his lashes, sheepishness drenching his entire body.

“OK, funny story,” he said. “But I thought this might be romantic and then I got carried away and now I’m here and I can absolutely go if you need me to...?” He half-turned his body in the direction of the elevators. “I’m so sorry, honey. I just thought it might be nice and not at all annoying but it’s annoying, isn’t it? It’s OK, you don’t need to say anything. Dammit, I really thought I pitched this right.”

“Chris, it’s fine.” Sarah finally found her voice to speak. “Honestly. I’m...I’m just really surprised is all. I was not expecting you to...drive? All this way?”

He nodded. “Yeh, I just bombed it down the ‘95.”

Awkward silence fell between them as they stared at each other unsure of what to do next. Finally picking up on the fact he remained in the hallway, a backpack thrown over his shoulder, she moved out of the way and he entered the suite. Relieved, he placed his bag down and turned to see her close the door behind him. He looked mildly embarrassed and she was all too aware she wasn’t welcoming but it was getting late and her eyes had started to hurt a little as she rubbed at them with the back of her hand.

“Fuck, that’s a long couch.” he announced, taking his black suede jacket off and placing it over the armrest nearest to him. He glanced over and saw papers strewn over the coffee table, her laptop light blaring brightly and looked back to her. She was working hard and he had ruined it.

“I am so sorry. First thing tomorrow, I’ll go home, I promise.” He held his hands up by way of an apology but she shook her head in response.

“Stop apologising.” she chuckled. “Do you want a beer?”

He nodded gratefully and looked so adorable that any annoyance she might have felt finally dissipated. “How about I give you a hug and then leave you to it? I need a shower and I can amuse myself in there for a little while. I don’t know why I just said that.”

Sarah laughed again and a little more relief moved through him. He wasn’t sure why he was feeling so nervous when he had been so confident of his decisions in the car all the way here. He’d rehearsed his lines and imagined her big smile when seeing behind the door. He had wanted to stop off and buy flowers but he was so eager to see her, he’d just kept driving. No daydream could live up to the reality of seeing her face up close.

*

He watched her from the bathroom doorway. She was cross-legged on the bed, studying the thickest textbook he’d ever seen with colour-coded notecards laid out across the duvet. He had earlier glimpsed a page over her shoulder but decided against pursuing medicine as a new career when he was faced with photographs of god knows what. He tried to remove the images from his mind by drinking another beer and thinking of Sarah in her scrubs. That tended to work well for him these days.

She looked so cute sat on the bed, her reading glasses perched on the end of her nose. He wanted to come up with a joke, calm the tension a little that had grown between them in the meantime, but she looked pretty hot. More hot than usual and it was distracting. Like a sexy Librarian and for the second time this month he discovered something else he was into.

One pen was stuck behind her ear but she’d forgotten she’d put it there and was now using a different one. Her hair was tied up at the top of her head in a messy bun that she hadn’t touched since she’d arrived, more and more strands falling loosely around her as the evening wore on, framing her perfect, round face. She seemed to engrossed in what she was doing.

He was still a little wet from his shower and pondered whether she would notice if he just whipped his towel off and offered himself to her. There really wasn’t anything he wanted more at this moment in time than to have her touch him, to have her run hands gently over his chest, to tease him a little bit. There’d be some time, he reasoned, and right not it was just was exhilarating to think of her being here alongside him knowing it would be just the two of them for a little while.

He perched on the end of the bed in front of her. She barely moved, barely seemed to notice him. He took one of her blank notecards and carefully placed it on the open page so as not to lose her place. She leaned back slightly, allowing him to gather up the papers and place them in a pile on the floor besides the bed before turning back to lean in towards her, one arm stretching out across her legs. She took off her glasses and rubbed her eyes again. She wanted peace and quiet and he decided to rock up just because he could. He sighed to himself. He was such a dick sometimes.

“Do you mind me being here?” he asked her, fully resigning himself to leaving if she now asked him to as hard as that might be. He’d got so caught up in his idea of surprising her that he hadn’t fully registered just how important these exams were or how well she wanted to do. Passing them wasn’t an option for Sarah; she wanted to knock it out of the park. She wanted to do better for herself and the more he got to know her like this, the more it became his favourite thing about her. And he related. He related perfectly. He knew exactly what that was like. “Cos I can go if you need me to.”

“Chris, I’ve said it’s fine. It’s nice that you’re here. I would just hate you feeling bored if all I’m doing is studying all the time.” She nervously twirled the pen between her fingers while taking in how amazing he looked following a shower, a little steam rising off his skin.

“I won’t get bored.” he assured her. “It’ll be nice hanging out with you. Just the two of us.”

He plucked the pen from behind her ears and she rolled her eyes realising the mistake she’d made. He tucked strands of hair back and leaned in placing a quick, soft kiss to her lips. He smelled like her coconut shampoo and she just now understood how truly spontaneous his trip had been.

“Listen, there’s another reason why I’m here. There’s something I need to talk to you about and I couldn’t wait until you got home.” he stroked her arm gently, looking down into her lap. “It’s been going around in my head and I’m not entirely sure what to say about it to be honest, but...it looks like Jenny’s done an interview with a magazine. A full thing with a photoshoot and stuff and it looks like I might be involved.” He closed his eyes for a second before correcting himself. “Not might actually, it’s pretty much definite that I’m in there for a large portion of it.”

“OK.” Sarah nodded. He for sure seemed weary of the whole thing and she felt for him.

“I just, I know she can be pretty unfiltered at the best of times, so-”

“-but she won’t have said anything negative, right?”

“No, no, not negative. I’m not worried about that exactly. It’s just that...” He was struggling to find the words. “I just didn’t want you to get the wrong idea about us, about me and her. I expect she’ll have this hyper-romanticised view of things and I guess I didn’t want you thinking it was some great love affair which is what I think she’ll spin it as.” He couldn’t quite meet her eye while he was talking. “I’m not proud of myself or of what I said or did at the time but I was low and she was there and it was...easy, I guess.”

He immediately regretted his choice of words. As much as he wanted Sarah to understand, he didn’t want Sarah to think he was dismissive of his relationships in this way. “Matt’s figuring out some damage control with them. Hopefully, it’ll go away as quickly as it comes.”

“You think he’ll be able to clear it up?”

Chris nodded. Matt was a formidable guy and he was assured things would look and read much better by the time it went to print. He placed his hand on her thigh and it was only now she registered just how close he was to surrounding her.  “I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve all too often but when I do, they know about it. I want to make them aware of exactly how I feel about them and I didn’t do that with her.” He dipped his head to catch her eye line. “So, when I do something for someone, it means something, y’know?”

“Yeh, of course. You’re a good guy, Chris. Everyone knows that.” She took his hand and lightly interlocked their fingers together.

“I guess I just didn’t want you worrying about her ‘cos there’s absolutely nothing there for me. Never had been.”

“You don’t need to explain this to me, I’m not going to hold anything against you.” she stroked his chin with her thumb and felt him relax into her hand. He glanced down at the mess he’d made on the floor and started picking a few things back up.

“How much left do you have to do tonight?” he whispered as his lips closed upon hers for a fleeting moment.

“I could do with finishing some notes but...half an hour, maybe?”

“I’ll hold you to that.” he kissed her again and got up from the bed, lifting her books back on top. “Just come get me when you’re done, yeh?”

*

Finishing up in the bathroom, Sarah switched off the light and moved towards the bed. She kneeled alongside Chris who was lying flat out, naked except for the duvet bunched across legs, reading what she assumed was the hotel magazine only to find upon closer inspection that it was in fact one of her medical journals. She giggled as she grabbed the moisturiser from the bedside table and began rubbing a small amount up and down her arms, regarding him as his nose creased up in apparent disgust at something he’d just read. 

“Did you know the body has ten times more microorganisms living in it than actual human cells?! That’s bacteria, Sarah. Living, gross bacteria. All over us.” he looked at her, shock and horror crossing his fine, perfect features. She wasn’t sure whether to pat him on the head or laugh.

“It’s mostly good bacteria, though. Only, like, 1% of it is bad for us.”

“And when exactly were you going to tell me about this?!”

She creased up laughing and flopped on to her side next to him. “It’s all information that’s out there for the world to see. Remind me not to tell you about eyelashes.”

“What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever removed from somebody’s ass?” he asked.

“What? Why is that always a question people want an answer to?”

“I don’t know. It’s just weird. Humans are weird.” he muttered, turning back to the pages in front of him. She was glad he had chosen one without pictures. That was the last thing she wanted to see before falling asleep.

“So, have you learned something new?” she asked, curling her legs under the duvet.

“I have. I think you should test me and if I get a question wrong, you can do whatever you like to me. Deal?” he asked, smirking. She shyly smiled and he tossed the book onto the floor. “Hi.”

“Hi.” She repeated. She watched as his eyes slowly travelled down her body. It was unreasonable how much he managed to disarm her with only a look.

His hand reached out to gently caress the side of her thigh, nudging the duvet slightly down before moving back up to her hip, a ticklish area he’d picked up on the last time they were together. He leaned in and kiss her on the side of her jaw, so feather-like and soft she barely felt it if not for his warm breath she could feel on her neck.

“You smell nice.” he whispered, looking at her from underneath his eyelashes. “We could have showered together, y’know? Save the planet?”

As much as she was getting used to the little things he would do when they were alone, rubbing her arm, tucking hair behind her ears, saying nice things about how pretty she looked, having him here in such close proximity with no else around to distract them or force them into the light...it was getting risky. Not that Chris ever pushed her, mind. He’d been nothing but understanding and respectful and she was grateful for that but also growing concerned he was perhaps a little...bored. Why else would he drive over state lines to see her. None of this was normal and the more time went by, the more she became fretful of what they were doing.

“What are you thinking about?” he kissed her shoulder. “Is it dirty? If it’s dirty, I wanna know about it.”

Sarah smiled and placed her hand on the side of his face, running her fingers gently over his beard. He’d thoroughly given up shaving but she liked how soft it still felt under her finger tips and judging by the breath he released as he closed his eyes, so did he, relaxing into her hand. He kissed her again. She was hoping he’d take charge so she could put off talking to him a little longer but instead, he refrained from pushing them any further and leaned back a little, looking into her eyes. “Talk to me.”

She could feel his hand move slowly and deliberately up her arm until he reached the back of her neck, his fingers playing with the loose strands of hair that had fallen from her messy bun. There was no getting away from this.

“You know you can tell me anything, right? It’s OK for you to tell me what you want.” She could feel his breath on her skin, his voice low and rough. His fingers moved again and she felt them touch her lips, one of them running back and forth over her lower lip until she parted them ever so slightly and his finger softly dipped inside her mouth. He seemed to like that and kissed her again, a little harder this time.

“Just keep kissing me.” she whispered, relieved that se finally got some words out.

He smiled at her, satisfied with her response, and kissed her again. Slow, wet, a kind of kiss that was full of promise of what he wanted to do and it made her whole body thrum with anticipation.

One hand now resting on the bed beside her and the other moved from her cheek back down to her thigh. She was frozen to the spot, this man focussed on her so intently, prepared to give her whatever she asked for, whatever she needed, expressing so much in a kiss that she didn’t register when her hand began moving slowly, grazing a finger ever so slightly over the waistline of her shorts.

“...and what else?”

A little more, he moved his hand until his fingers dipped inside her underwear until he felt her skin, hot to the touch. She broke the kiss momentarily to let out a breath, one hand resting on the back of his neck for leverage as he continued tenderly moving his fingers until he got to where he wanted to be. Feeling her wet for him seemed to spark something inside and she felt him push her carefully until she was lying back on the bed, head just off the pillow, and he leaned over her. He adjusted his hand ever so slightly until she could feel his fingers pressing at her entrance before moving in small circular motions, riling her up.

“Look at me, honey.” he whispered, his voice rough and turned on as he wanted her grabbing at the covers as he stroked her. She tried to but she couldn’t stop her eyes from closing again, zoned out with only his smooth and confident movements to focus on. It was almost getting too much with him hitting her at just the right spot for her to lose herself completely when, just like that, he pulled his hand away and grabbed both sides of her underwear to pull them down and off her legs. The next thing she remembered was the feel of him skilfully grabbing her from underneath her thighs, his tongue swiftly taking over.

It didn’t take long for her to feel like was she coming undone and him feeling proud of himself. She couldn’t fight it and with one arm draped across her lower tummy, he certainly had not intention of letting her get away. Any feelings of awkwardness were soon a thing of the past as she let the gentle, unbridled bliss he was giving her wash over her completely. She honestly couldn’t remember ever feeling anything like this before, she was so out of it. He was covering her completely, her wetness mixing with his own, his beard rubbing against her smooth skin adding another level of pleasure. 

She ran her fingers through his hair, messing it up. His tongue hit her clit again and again causing her to give him a short, sharp pull. His groan was so filthy and deep from within him, she felt it reverberate through her, raising goose bumps up and down her skin.

He wanted her on the edge as much as he felt he was. He wanted her to want him, to tell him exactly what she wanted him to do. He wanted her on fire. He wanted to hear her beg.

Just as she was on the edge for a second time, he stopped and blew softly across her wisps of hair. He chuckled when he heard what sounded like a quiet yet frustrated groan leave her lips, followed by a chuckle, something innocent and familiar. Her hands loosened from his hair as they stared into each other’s eyes, their mutual breathlessness the only sound they could hear.

“Does that feel good?” he whispered, the breath from his words scorching her skin. He moved his tongue just a little lower, not breaking eye contact, and she felt him dip ever so slightly inside of her, his arm wrapped around her thigh and the pad of his thumb taking care of the rest. He did this a second time, then a third, and when he returned to pressing his tongue over her clit, drawing her into his mouth, she was soon grabbing at him in any way she could in a futile attempt to take the edge off the orgasm that was coming at her like a freight train.

She was close. He knew she was so close now and he held his arms tightly around her to keep her close to him. One more swipe of his tongue right....there...and she was gone.

When her breathing even out, she slowly opened her eyes to see him move up and over her, placing soft, wet kisses on her hip, her tummy, her neck, and finally on her lips. He seemed cautious to kiss her, unsure of whether she wanted him to but she grabbed his face with both hands to pull him back down to her, kissing him as passionately as she could manage with what felt like no energy. She could taste herself and it was so much more erotic than she could ever have imagined. 

She felt him smile into the kiss as he carefully settled his body on top of hers, allowing her to wrap her legs around him. He moved the hair that was sticking to her forehead and stroked her face with one finger, gently mapping her eye and her nose and her cheek. She couldn’t reconcile this being the same man who had minutes earlier been so dominant. He had so clearly wanted to say something at that point if only his hardness hadn’t been so distracting. He mover one arm under her neck, using the other hand to move hair from where it had clung to the side of her face. Holding her as close to him as possible and feeling blissful when he felt her legs wrap around his own, he entered her and held still, enjoying the moment.

“We should’ve done this years ago.” he spoke and for a brief moment, without realising, she was pulled from their intimacy, a pang of guilt taking its place.

He was too busy pushing into her, needing whatever she had left to give him. He grabbed at the back of her neck to keep her in place, his face buried into her hair. She felt her skin heat up all over from his breath as he panted at her side. It was more frantic than he’d wanted it to be as he groaned and moaned and pushed his whole weight into her with force. It was really all she could do to just hang on to him as he fucked her deeper, as he surged towards his own orgasm, then letting go when she felt him shudder insider her minutes later. He sounded helpless and as much as he tried to hold himself up from collapsing on her, he soon gave up trying and laid his head on her shoulder.

His warm breath continued covering her skin as she ran her hand gently over the back of his head. She felt him chuckle a vibration into the top of her arm before a wet kiss landed just underneath her ear, a place he had deigned his own after he realised how sensitive she was on that particular spot.

Finally rolling off her to lie on his back, he kept his arm stretched across her lower tummy and rubbed his fingers across the apex of her thigh. She wasn’t sure how long they stayed in this position but at some point he leaned over her to turn the bedside light off plunging the room into complete darkness and they continued to lie there in silence not really sure if the other was asleep or not.

He eventually turned onto his side to face her, keeping a firm grip on her waist. He was across her pillow and she could practically feel the flutter of his eyelashes as he watched her in the dark, a soft outline gradually appearing as his eyes adjusted to the blackness of the room, making out her features. she felt his hand move up and down her ribcage and over the inside of her elbow, another sensitive spot that made her shudder and him chuckle again when he realised she was in fact still awake.

She turned onto her side to face him and his hand moved to her lower back where it finally rested over her hip. She pushed her leg in between his and he seemed content and comfortable in how they were existing in this space, both aware they didn’t have to worry about getting up any time soon. He was running his fingers up and down her spine in slow, circular motions and it felt wonderful. Too wonderful. And there was that guilt again.

“What will you do tomorrow?” she asked.

He took a deep breath in contemplation at her unexpected question. “Gym looks pretty good. I have a book and a couple of scripts, too. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.”

“I know.” she murmured but he knew she was dwelling on something.

“I wanna be here for you if you need anything and if you don’t, you won’t even know I’m around. I promise.”

“I know that, too.”

She could sense him smile at her even in their dark. “Good.” he said. “It feels nice knowing I’ve made a good decision for a change.”

*

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Michael in the Mainstream: Artemis Fowl

Since the early 2000s, Artemis Fowl has been languishing in development hell, and it really is a mystery as to why. The series has everything you could possibly want for a blockbuster young adult franchise: it’s a charming blend of science and fantasy with rich worldbuilding and mythology, it has enjoyable and even complex characters who go through great character arcs over the course of the series, it has an enjoyable major antagonist, an insufferable smug villain protagonist who goes through a stellar redemption arc over the course of the series, and tons of crazy heists that combine scheming and fairy magic. There was no reason this couldn’t have existed as a competitor to the Harry Potter series, but alas, it was not to be. The young adult fantasy franchise languished for decades in development hell, until finally Disney pulled it out and put Kenneth Branagh at the helm. Finally, we were going to get the Artemis Fowl adaptation we deserved!

Except we didn’t.

Artemis Fowl is legitimately one of the worst adaptations of any work of fiction ever. It has been held up alongside The Last Airbender and The Lightning Thief as part of the Unholy Trinity of terrible adaptations, and I’m not even going to try and pretend that this “Honor” isn’t well and truly earned. This film is an utterly abominable bastardization of the beloved franchise, to the point where this feels like an entirely different story that had familiar names slapped on it at the last second. If you want to know what horrific extents this film has butchered the story and characters, read onward, but there’s no way I’m going to pretend this film isn’t awful right off the bat.

There is literally nothing in this film that works. Nothing at all. Starting from the opening scene, the establishing shots, you can tell things are wrong – there are news people around Fowl Manor? Mulch is being interrogated? What is going on? The film from the word go is simply making one thing absolutely and abundantly clear: this is not the Artemis Fowl you know. The film goes out of its way to do the opposite of the franchise, merely using names and vague concepts in an attempt to sucker fans into watching it. Butler’s first name, an emotional reveal from the third book, is common knowledge; Opal Koboi, a cunning and threatening major villain who was the antagonist for almost every novel starting with the second, is here reduced to basically a personification of the voice on the phone from Scream; Root, once a short-tempered man who was hard on Holly as a method of tough love to push her to be the very best LEP had to offer to prove women belonged on the force, is here a woman who, while just as angry as ever, robs Holly of a major part of her arc and reduces her to plucky female sidekick. And even outside of that, as its own thing, the movie is just utterly incomprehensible. The story is rushed and confusing, with lots of exposition and action but with no context or cohesion. Things happen and things go from scene to scene, but none of it makes any sort of sense. A character will switch allegiances within a few minutes, characters will somehow find a way to survive deadly attacks offscreen… the worst offender is a character death they try to push off as emotional, despite there being no reason to care for this character, and when all hope seems lost, a deus ex machina saves the day! My wife, who is unfamiliar with the series, and I, a huge fan, both struggled to figure out what was going on at any given point; the movie is really that bad at communicating what is happening, which is even more baffling because the film is a pathetic hour and a half in length, a distressingly short amount of time to establish a new science-fantasy franchise of this scale.

The characters are almost all terrible. Artemis is the standout with how awful he is; no longer the cunning criminal masterminds of the book, Artemis here is more of a somewhat smug little brat who is overly emotional and, worst of all, NICE. He’s so nice in fact that by the end of the film he has managed to speedrun his character development and arcs with Mulch and Holly, who consider him their close friend and ally. Butler is pretty bad here as well, mostly because he is given almost nothing to do and is seemingly only there because he was in the book. In fact, his crowning moment – when he took on the troll – is instead given to Artemis and even Holly, with Butler ending up severely injured. It’s a bit nasty that they changed Butler to be black and then had his (white) master steal his greatest moment; it’s giving me flashbacks to Kazaam. Opal is hit pretty bad as well; being made the big bad of this loose adaptation of the first book’s plot – which is amusingly one of the few books she had absolutely no role in – wouldn’t be so rough if she was more of a presence and not just some vague, hooded figure who threatens Artemis over the phone and generally does nothing to warrant being an adaptation of the baddest bitch in the series. She’s rather ineffectual and they even try and give her a sort of sympathetic motivation, one where she resents humans for pushing her kind underground. It really is a disgusting waste of a character who could easily rival heavy hitters like Voldemort in the awesome and theatrically evil department.

Holly is almost okay, but her entire arc and a big chunk of her narrative purpose is robbed by making Commander Root a woman. Root, played by Judi Dench, is honestly one of the better characters since Dench has Root dropping lines like “Top o’ the morning to ya” with gravelly deadpan seriousness which makes the character unintentionally hilarious, but the cheap laughs don’t really make up for butchering the story of one of fiction’s finest ladies. As a side note, they have made Holly 100% white despite her skin being described as nut brown rather frequently in the book, and the now white Holly together with Artemis steal away Butler’s biggest moment. And that’s not even getting into how they neutered Juliet, who has also been race lifted but was turned into a child who barely appeared in the film. I’m not usually one to toss about racism accusations, but there’s a lot of red flags here that Branagh’s usual colorblind casting just doesn’t excuse.

The most consistently enjoyable performance is Josh Gad’s as Mulch. From the moment he was cast, I knew he’d do a good job and capture the spirit of the character, and he does! ...sort of. The decision to have Mulch be a giant dwarf and narrate the story in a crappy Batman impression while also violating literally the most important law of fairy culture (don’t tell the humans anything about us) by spilling the beans to M16 is unbearably stupid, and a lot of his jokes are just relentlessly unfunny. But I think that Gad does leak a bit of that Mulch charm at a few points, and it’s apparent he at least somewhat gets his character, which is not something that can be said for anyone else in this film. Sadly, much like his standout performance as Lefou in the live action Beauty and the Beast, he can’t possibly save the trainwreck of a film he’s in.

I guess I’m not entirely surprised by this film. I mean, a lot of quality young adult literature from the past two decades has been horrifically mangled in the wake of Harry Potter – Inkheart, The Golden Compass, The Lightning Thief, Ender’s Game, and Eragon – so this movie really isn’t an anomaly. But it is the culmination of a horrible trend. This is the zenith of horrible young adult adaptations, or perhaps I should say the nadir of adaptations as a whole? For all the flak I could give those other adaptations, on some fundamental level they still understood something about the source material. Ender’s Game still understood it could not erase the ending where children are revealed to be being conscripted to perform the ethnic cleansing of an alien race. Eragon couldn’t completely ruin Saphira, try as it might. The Lightning Thief… well, I mean, I guess the Medusa scene was mostly faithful. But Artemis Fowl? Artemis Fowl goes out of its way to be the opposite of its literary counterpart that there is no way to justify even saying it is based on the book by Eoin Colfer; it would be like having a movie about kids hanging out at the mall and doing mundane stuff, except they’re all named Jesus and Peter and Paul and then saying it’s based on the Bible. Just using names doesn’t mean anything, you actually have to use the themes and characterizations too, and this movie does none of that.

This movie is most comparable to The Emoji Movie. Neither of these works really deserve to be called a “Film” since they are basically whatever it is they’re trying so desperately to be stripped down to the bare essentials. The Emoji Movie is the most basic, by-the-numbers animated adventure film with a “be yourself” message you could ever hope to see, with a story so absolutely basic that just watching the trailer will allow you to predict the every motion of the plot. Artemis Fowl on the other hand is the most cliche-ridden fantasy epic franchise-starter you could imagine, and that’s if you’re able to penetrate the ridiculously dense and cluttered story and are able to make sense of what’s going on. I can think of absolutely no one this film could ever appeal to. There’s not a single redeeming thing about it. The movie is flashy, trashy junk that should never have been released, and Disney honestly did the right thing by releasing this on their streaming service because it would be outright disgusting to charge movie ticket prices for this tripe. The fact Disney has more faith in the eternally-delayed New Mutants theatrically speaks volumes about the quality of this film.

I can’t in good conscious say that this is the worst film of all time. F4ntastic is probably a much worse butchering of characters than this film; Disaster Movie is much more horrendously offensive and unfunny than this; hell, Chicken Little is probably a worse Disney movie because as awful as everyone in this film is, at least they aren’t Buck Cluck! But I don’t think there’s a single movie I hate more than this one. Lucy can finally move over and sleep easy knowing that the fact it’s not based on a pre-existing work has finally saved it from the #1 spot on my worst list; Artemis Fowl is now the reigning champ. Kenneth Branagh should be ashamed of himself for making and releasing this (and doubly ashamed for having the gall to unironically compare his slaughtering of Artemis Fowl’s character to Michael Corleone), Disney should be shamed for putting more money into this film than they did into BLM charities, and I hope that Eoin Colfer finds whatever he was paid worth it to see his greatest creation butchered and disrespected like this.

[the-prophet-lemonade]

Hello! I recently read A Cold Night for Good Deeds (and cried a lot, thank you) and I was hoping you could drop some sweet, sweet meta on me. Or just tell me about your favorite scene(s) to write! Absolutely loved the fic - one of my new all time faves.

hello hello! i have so much fic meta i could talk about, i hope you know you’ve opened a can of worms hahahahaha (and if there’s anything you wanna know, please do just ask!) 

i’ll gladly talk about my favourite scenes though! i have a couple answers for this ...

1) chapter 14: sentinel finally has an emotional breakdown and magnus comes and finds him in the rain. this is one of the first scenes that i wrote for this whole fic and it’s one of my favourites because i just love seeing alec cry lmfaooooo and this is no exception, made even more satisfying for me by the horrendous build up to the moment, as we’ve gone chapter after chapter with alec compressing his emotions and trying to hold himself together. it’s cathartic to see him collapse, a true and despairing moment of weakness for him, and it’s made even more traumatic by magnus seeing him in this state ... and then saying those damning words to suggest he already knows sentinel is alec. it’s all very raw and messy and that’s the sort of emotional turmoil i love writing the most lol��

2) chapter 10: sentinel and nightlock’s first kiss on the rooftop, overlooking the city in the drizzle. i love this entire chapter, but this scene is one of my favourites because it is this moment of absolute quiet amidst a lot of chaos and hurt, confused feelings. they’re hidden away from the rest of the world, the only two people in the whole city who understand each other quite so well, and there’s no question about the affection they have for each other. this was a really important part of the story for me, establishing how alec’s world is a mess, but not the way he feels for nightlock. he is *so* sure about that, and hopefully this first kiss feels gentle and natural and as easy as breathing. i think it’s very beautiful, and i really tried to make the dialogue bookmarking the kiss just as intimate as the kiss itself.

3) chapter 5: the entire church sequence where sentinel and nightlock really realise for the first time the horror that they’re up against. if this fic was a tv show (as it is in my head), this would be the first big “set piece” and i really wanted to encapsulate that within the scene: i worked very hard on the description, the look of this immolated church, the sounds, the smell, the unreality, and i think it feels like a very rich scene because of it. i was also really excited about writing some proper horror in this fic, and i think this scene is one of the most gruesome and horrific! the image of the dead super suspended by the arms above the alter is meant to be nightmarish and unsettling (and symbolic) (and is also imagery stolen from the angels & demons movie hahahaha) and i really wanted to push myself with writing something viscerally uncomfortable. 

some honourable mentions include election night (ch 12) where magnus stays the night at alec’s apartment and he and alec have that exchange: “i think i’m bad at loving people” / “you don’t know that. you don’t know what being loved by you feels like” ... ooFT THE ROMANCE (this scene was also a very last minute addition to the fic, i think 2 days before the chapter was published, so i’m really extra happy with it!)

also the sentinel getting shot/waking up in magnus’ appartment sequence in ch 10 (hell, basically all of ch 10, it’s my fave overall chapter) ... it’s high melodrama ... and of course, we later find out that it’s especially important for magnus understanding who sentinel is ... 

and also also the scene where nightlock saves alec from the pyro in ch 7 and then later in the same chapter, nightlock takes alec up to the roof of that really tall skyscraper and they have their lil date ... that scene is very colourful and vivid in my head and i like it lots! it encapsulates the feeling of the fic as i wanted it!  

[royal-despair]

​You watch the scene pass by you. A once daunting sunset is now a beautiful sunrise. ​The ship passes above you, feeling almost like a huge whale in the sky.. ​The pods start to rumble, struggling to find a good landing spot. ​It gives a warning, saying something along the lines of "Potentially rough landing imminent. Please tighten your safety buckles. ​The pods land, and thankfully everything was safe. And everyone was together. ​You all exit the pods, and stare off. ​The ship is the only thing blocking your view.

Sketches and color done by @allyssinian​, lineart by @talentlessartblog​ Epilogue illustration (final image) done by qosic on tumblr and twitter x x

Final words written by their muns; @guitarasaurus-rex​ , @shslchemicalx​, @lucitous​, @jullya-senpai​, @tsoi-sauce​

T a k u m a   M i t s u k u r i

“Y-you're the only thing r-really keeping me going..."

"I... I don't want... I can't lose you... I-I love you... Please don't leave me alone..."

Tears stained his face. His stomach contorted violently, twisting and turning, anxiety flooding his being. Was this the end? Was it a new beginning? It didn’t matter to him. Not now. In time, maybe. But now? Now all he felt was despair, sadness… anger…

He’d need time. Time to recover, time to compose himself, time to… move on? could he move on? Would he ever? He didn’t know. He wouldn’t know for a while.

...Chiyo dedicated her life to saving this earth… this broken, distorted earth… Broken and distorted… just like him… He wouldn’t recover quickly, and it was almost certain the wounds he’d received would never fully heal… but… when the pain eased… he would do everything he could to realize her dream. He couldn’t let her efforts be for nought. He’d fix this broken planet, piece by piece… And when it was all over? He’d maintain it... do his best to bring peace to everyone… And then he’d see Chiyo again… He’d tell her he loved her… And they could be together.

All that would come… He’d make sure it did… But, for now, he just grieved.

D m i t r i   C i e r z o n 

"...." Everyone was being emotionally wrecked, and here he was, not emotionally wrecked. He really was different, it seemed. Even though everything was both a lie and a truth.

How.... Strange.

He walked over to Leon, sliding his hand into the Dollmaker's own. Calluses... Not from fighting, it seemed. But these were the same hands that had supported him on the ship, even though he had lied again and again, and made questionable decisions one after another.

... This, at least, was real. Even if he couldn't trust anything else, he could trust at least this -- them.

L e o n h a r d   V o g e l

Leon blinks and glances down to see Dmitri holding his hand in his, staring out at the wreckage from where they had been mere minutes ago. He parts his lips to say something, though he can't find the words. He had trusted Dmitri, trusted his judgement, and it had all worked out. Maybe not as smoothly as they had all hoped, but they're here. They're here and alive.

With no words to say, his lips slide shut along with his eyelashes. He presses a kiss to his forehead. Hopefully that will express his feelings well enough. He had always found it strange how emotions could be expressed so easily for him through touch. He wanted to convey his affection, his relief, but most of all? His hope for the future.

The end of one story is the beginning of another, and he sincerely hopes they can turn this bittersweet moment into something beautiful. After a few moments, he pulls away and turns his head to look back at the horizon. Not at the airship, but beyond. To the trees and skyline, the chittering birds overhead. It would be up to them to maintain this beautiful world, and he can't say he's too ready for it, unknowing of what that may entail , but he finds himself eager to begin.

R u n a   K n i g h t l y

‘What do we do now?’

"..." Runa... leans her head on Seojun's shoulder, she watches the light of the sun through the filter of the smoke. "...Who's to say... maybe find other people, rehabilitate back into the world's current society... I just," She lifts her head, "I just want to stay close to everyone for the time being..."

J o s e f i n a   D e   B e l a s c o 

Fina stared at the scene in front of her. It was all so intense. So surreal. They made it out. All the people they lost. All the truths they gained. It all came to her in a wave of emotions. So much was going through her head right now. She sat down on the ground and let out a long sigh. "Oh fuck... We actually did it. We made it."

S e o j u n   T s o i

Fifty days.  They were trapped for fifty days on the airship known as the Queen Rose, with the conditions of being involved in a horrendous killing game.  Blood, sweat, and tears were shed almost every single day.  There was an atrocious amount of despondency throughout the entire “trip” they had gone through together.  As the blaring alarms were ringing in his head even now, Seojun found himself recollecting everything that had happened for him.  Not just in those fifty days, no.  What happened overall in the seventy six days that he had been trapped in his two killing games. What had happened in the past two and a half months for him was an absolute nightmare.

Day one. He woke up in the anteroom with seventeen students other than himself, and he found himself forced into a killing game under the treacherous duo of Gekumi and Torimi.  From the first week in, he found something that was quite odd:  Gekumi seemed to take more of the hate, but Torimi seemed to take more of the power instead.  It was something that the supposed Internet Troll had found to be quite the oddity.  Weren’t they working together?  He didn’t say anything about it, however.  He had to keep himself together.  He had to. Everyone around him was panicking like wild animals, so he couldn’t be seen doing the same.  He had to be that one guiding light to everyone.

Day six. That’s when he witnessed his first execution.  Karou was torn apart viciously, and Seojun had to see their demise firsthand.  It was absolutely dreadful, but he had to keep going.  And so, he did.  The second murder passed, as did the second execution.  He would soon find out about his loved ones being captive, about Ae-Joung being captive.  Seojun initially freaked out; he had freaked out when he saw his “sister” inside those bondages of rope, and the blindfold over her eyes.  She was scared of the dark, and in a way, so was he.  He was afraid of the darkness surrounding him, but he had to stay strong, and keep smiling.  He had to be that one guiding light to Ayaka.

Ayaka.

”C’mon, Junie!  Think positive.  Things are going to be okay, alright?  Trust me, I promise.”

She seemed to be just like his sister.  His sister, who had saved his life from his own hands.  The sixteen year old girl wasn’t one he fell in love with, but she was someone that he had grown to wanting to protect.  He had wanted to protect her, because someone just like her had done the same for him.  At least, that’s what he remembered.  The girl was innocent, and he wanted to protect someone that felt like a sister to him.  She was so, so devastated when Karou died.  When Karou was the one who had taken the knife, and stabbed Varian in the back.  She was so devastated, and the girl with the round glasses had went to Seojun for comfort.  Seojun ended up doing the worst thing imaginable though, and he witnessed Antonio killing another poor, innocent girl named Hitomi Kurusaki.  Instead of dying himself, he took it upon his own hands to strike...and he killed the man.

Day twenty six.  That’s when the trial of Antonio de Sabatini and Hitomi Kurusaki occured.  That’s when everyone managed to pin it on Raphael Bernard, the Super High School Level Archer.  That’s when everyone managed to get it wrong, and vote for the wrong person.  That’s when Seojun Tsoi had managed to get away with murder, much to his dismay.  He...He didn’t want to see Ayaka with that look of betrayal on her face.  He didn’t want to see her getting executed horrifically, but here he was, forced to watch all of his shipmates die in gruesome, grotesque fashions.  The sickly green gecko bot was controlled by someone amongst his rankings, but because he had killed another person, Seojun would never know who went through the same fate that he had gone through. He’d never know who the second mastermind really was.

Day twenty seven.  That’s when he woke up in the anteroom for a second time, much to his dismay.  This time, there were eighteen others around him.  Eigteen people who didn’t know what the hell was going on, or why they were here.  Seojun knew, though - he knew exactly why they were here, and he knew exactly why he was here.  He was here to scounge out for the mastermind, who was amongst all of them.  One of these eighteen students was the mastermind behind his own killing game, and it was his mission to find out who it was.  However, as he went along, things steered into different directions. There was the day where he made his friendship with Leon a thing.  There was the day where he roasted Manobu alongside Dmitri, with Raiden at their side too.  There was the day where he promised to keep Izaya safe, there was the day where he decided to help Cici feel like the princess she always wanted to be.  There was the day of theTruth or Dare game.  There was the day of the King’s Game.  There was the day where he fell in love with Runa Knightly.  Every day made up this path; every day led up to this moment.

Then, they reached to today.  Day seventy six.  The day where they discovered who Sanae Oshiro’s daughter, and heiress of the company behind the purifying machines really was.  The day where they found out that Chiyo Oshiro was the mastermind and first degree murderer of tens, hell, hundreds of people.  Maybe even thousands, if you count those outside of killing games.  This was the day where they achieved something that she despised, that the rest of the world didn’t see could happen.  This was the day where they would restore a concept to planet Earth as they knew it.  As Seojun turned to the five before him, he found himself embracing the tears that were streaking down his cheeks, and looking onto everyone before him. 

Josefina de Belasco.  The tallest person on the ship, but regardless, she was simply a gentle giant that had hopes for the future.  She was innocent, but not pure-hearted either.  She was timid at times as well, and even more so humbling, but nevertheless, she never backed down in her beliefs.  She put her heart into everything she did, and only wanted the best for everyone else.

Takuma Mitsukuri.  A man who was in shambles, broken down, and beaten with despair.  A man who made himself out to be someone that was slightly confident, but more or less snarky.  A man that was more than meets the eye.  Seojun knew he didn’t get along with him at first, but as they were trapped with each other for quite a few days, he had grown to see that he was almost like him, in a way.  He wanted to protect, and he wanted to feel validated by those around him.

Dmitri Cierzon.  Cool, mysterious, aloof at times even.  Hardly did he ever see the man lash out at anyone around him with a raised voice.  Sure, he may have stabbed a man, but he believed it was for the better, with morals or not.  He was blunt, but he was honest.  He was an honest man, and even then, he was underestimated.  Pastry Chef, Spy...whatever he may have been by now, he was still Dmitri.  A boy who loved headpats, sweets, and kicking ass.

Leonhard Vogel. He stepped up to the plate when no one else would.  He spoke up when everyone else stayed silent.  He did his best to protect everyone around him, despite his conditions, despite his mental state.  He put a lot of people before his own needs, and he just wanted to make everyone happy.  He was a damaged man, but he was not broken, and Seojun knew that this man could heal with time, with people by his side.  He would consider him to be one of his closest friends.

Then, there was Runa Knightly.  She was his sunshine, as he was her Hairpins.  If there was one promise he was able to keep, it’s that he was able to protect her.  He was able to protect her, throughout all of this madness and despair.  He was able to protect this beautiful girl, someone who wasn’t perfect, but still magnificent in her own ways.  She wants to improve on herself.  She is determined, and doesn’t give up, no matter what the price may pay for her.  The blonde truly loved this woman, inside and out.

Seojun Tsoi faced everyone once again, and silently, a smile came to his lips.  “...Regardless...we did it, huh?  We...made it out.”  He looks overhead, to meet his gaze with the bright and radiant sun shining over the horizon.  “...We’re...going to start a changing process.  This isn’t...the end, that I can tell.  This is only the beginning of something new.  A new future, not just for us...for us all.  We’re finally going to have it.  We’re going to unlock something that should’ve been given a long, long time ago.”  As the blonde took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly, he found the word that he had wished to utter for so long.  They finally have it now.

“Freedom.”

[neoduskcomics]

Samurai Jack Season 5 Review - Part 1 (SPOILERS)

So, for those of you not in the know, Samurai Jack had a final, conclusive fifth season this year that aired on Toonami/Adult Swim. It consisted of ten episodes which ran successively over 11 weeks (one episode being displaced by a Rick and Morty surprise season premiere). This is going to be a review of that season, with one section dedicated to each episode, and then a “closing thoughts” segment. This review will also be split into two parts since it’s so damn long, so hopefully that will allow more people to actually read it. The second part will go up tomorrow.

SPOILERS

SPOILERS

SPOILERS

SPOILERS

XCII

This episode was loads of fun and set a high standard for what was to come. While not a whole lot happens in terms of advancing the plot, this definitely felt more like an episode that sets the stage for the following nine. It allows us to see what sort of a state both Jack and the world around him are in. The world itself seems very unchanged, but Jack has changed a lot, and we can understand a sort of causality between the two.

We see how fifty years of status quo has left Jack in a torn and jaded state, haunted by hallucinations that chide him over his failure. A Jack tormented by shame, frustration, and survivor’s guilt really gives you a compelling gateway into this new story arc for the character—not to mention the fact that he’s lost his sword. But, we also see that the old Jack is still in there somewhere, as he’s still not willing to back down from a fight or run away from innocents in peril (at least, when he’s not being overwhelmed by tree leaves carrying the visages of his dead parents).

Ashi, our deuteragonist, is also introduced in this episode, and we can see through the circumstances of her birth and upbringing just how deeply Aku’s shit storm has seeped into the earth. We get some really dark and intense imagery in this episode that is unlike anything we’ve seen in the series thus far, and it really serves as a great starting point, pulling the audience in to wonder if and how things could ever go right again. Aku’s got cult followers birthing and torturously training assassins to kill Jack, Jack has lost his sword and nearly his mind, and Aku is no closer to releasing his dark hold on the world at large.

When Jack says in the opening “hope is lost”, these first couple episodes really make you feel it. And yet, again, we can still see glimmers of humanity and hope in our central characters to keep us connected. Jack still fights to survive and to help survivors. Ashi, despite her horrendous upbringing, shows glimmers of a soft side and curiosity in the beauty of the world beyond her underground den. The episode does a great job of balancing out its darkness and light. It lets things get intense, but also remembers to keep a bit of warmth and sentiment, however subtle, to keep the emotional stakes from getting out of hand.

And with that in mind, this brings me to Scaramouche, who is, to me, the absolute best part of this episode, and maybe one of the best parts of this whole series. After such carnage and emotional distress, we get introduced to a scene that reminds us “Hey, guys. This is still Samurai Jack. We can still have fun.” And “fun” is definitely a fitting descriptor for this character. Apparently he was modeled after a real actor and singer, Sammy Davis Jr., and while I’m not personally familiar with his work, I’m sure he was a great entertainer if Scaramouche is anything like him. The way this robot assassin talks, moves, dresses, and fights are all wildly stylish and amusing. Moving mindless puppets with a magic flute did give me Naruto flashbacks, but telekinetically manipulating his sword through scatting and his kickass tuning fork blade that blows up shit with residual vibrations were crazy creative and fun.

Overall, this was a great episode. It wasn’t mind-blowing, but it definitely hooked me in to see what came next.

 XCIII

This is probably my favorite episode of the entire season or, hell, the entire series. Not only does Jack have seven highly trained and highly deadly assassins chasing after him, not only is he in the most mortal peril he’s ever been in in his entire life, not only is it fantastically animated, not only are the pacing, music, and atmosphere drenched with the most palpable tension and adrenaline…but—BUT—it completely removed all of my hang-ups about Aku having a replacement voice actor.

And I don’t want to make this out to be like it was the highlight of the episode. Because it wasn’t. There was way more stuff to like in this episode. But goddamn, man. In the middle of all this horrible, super dark, super serious and traumatic shit, what is the first scene we get reintroducing the show’s main antagonist and the literal sole cause of all this horrific chaos and torment?

We get Aku waking up to an alarm clock, smashing it, opening his nightstand drawer, pulling out two flaming eyebrows, and then placing them on top of his eyes as though they were miniature eye-hats.

That was it. I was on board.

And let me emphasize the fact that I don’t think this scene was comedic genius for the fact that it had some of the absolute most clever visual or scripted humor ever in an animated series. But for me, especially in a show such as this, comedy works best when it is used to break up tension. A lot of comedy comes from surprise—seeing something somewhere or in such a way that you weren’t expecting. When you use comedy to unexpectedly break a pattern of darkness and desolation, it becomes that much funnier simply because of that contrast. Aku could’ve been reworked to be a much more serious and diabolical threat in this season, sort of like how he was in the “Birth of Evil” prequels, but they did not go that route, and I was super happy that they didn’t when this scene happened.

Giving Aku such a comical introductory scene not only provided much needed levity to the opening of this season, but it also reaffirmed to the audience that we weren’t just getting some post-apocalyptic nightmare-scape. We were going to get a story with a widely varied tone which, for me, is my favorite type of story. I enjoy narratives that let you gasp, cry, clench your teeth, and laugh. Hideo Kojima, the creator and overseer of the Metal Gear franchise (before leaving Konami) said something similar about how he thinks all stories, no matter how serious, require levity. This was a primo example of that.

But, okay, on with the actual bulk of the episode. Whatever that initial Aku scene did for giving the show brightness and levity, the main Jack plot did for reinforcing the show’s drama, atmosphere, and tension. This episode is so beautifully paced, scored, and animated that I honestly don’t even know where to begin in extolling it. Keeping Jack’s humanity in tact from the first episode proves to be an incredibly essential calculation on the part of the writers here, because without it, all we would’ve been seeing is a man who has given up on life and success, following his animal instincts to survive.

But this is Jack. Even without his sword and without his ability to look at anything without it turning into an emaciated victim of war, he still wants to live and fight another day. We remain invested in Jack as a character, and so we are completely and absolutely terrified for him as we see him go up against an enemy the likes of which we have never seen before. Jack is completely outnumbered and seemingly outmatched, and the episode plays this out with masterful execution. Jack tries to fight at first of course, and we get not a fight where Jack is just mowing down baddies effortlessly, but where he’s in a real, life-threatening struggle. It’s packed with adrenaline. And then, when he’s quickly cornered, we shift into a state of survival horror. Where are they? What will Jack do? How will he survive? Can he survive?

The colors, the lighting, the environments, the slow pacing of the events punctuated by huge rushes of intense action—it all plays out beautifully and made me feel like I was watching a segment of a foreign animated film. We also get a deeper look into Jack’s heavily weighted psyche as he converses with an illusory version of himself. We see all of his shame, frustration, and even suicidal notions given a voice—and not just any voice, but his own. It works very well to show us the struggle going on within him, even if it is a bit played out as a plot device.

The ending sequence where he slits that girl’s throat, while we all knew it had to happen eventually, is still a bit of a shock both for us and Jack. And even with this pyrrhic victory, Jack is not only now at death’s door, but he’s still being pursued by the seven (now six) still-deadly and still-threatening assassins. It’s a grim ending to the episode, and it really leaves the mind to wonder just what could possibly happen next.

 XCIV

This episode basically marks the end to the new season’s opening act. It’s where Jack pulls his shit together, is reawakened with a new resolve to fight and survive, and (mostly) puts an end to his deadly pursuers. While it didn’t give me the same highs as the previous episode might’ve, it still worked quite well to give this segment of the story some closure and have Jack undergo some real growth as a character (something that’s almost a bit of a stranger to the Samurai Jack series as a whole).

Seeing Jack in such dire straits, bleeding out into the river, still running for his life, struggling to remain conscious and yet still vigilant and on guard, keeps us on our toes as we know he’s not out of the woods yet (literally). But we are allowed to ease off a bit once the wolf from the previous episode returns (who we may have thought was just a thinly veiled symbol) He meets Jack and we see the healing process that Jack undergoes. While this part of the episode may come across a bit as padding, I think it was important for us to see Jack recuperate and see him form a connection to something—in this case, the wolf. Again, it’s a reminder that humanity still dwells in that guilt-ridden mind, and it makes the process of Jack’s both physical and mental healing seem natural, so that he is prepared for the climactic fight at the end of the episode.

It is also in this time that Jack is able to recall a vital lesson from his childhood. It was nice to see Jack when he was a child living with his family—a good reminder of the time before; what it was that Jack lost and once sought to reclaim. And, more importantly to the plot, it provided Jack with some much needed guidance. Jack understands from this memory that he is responsible for his actions, but his actions are also what define him as a person. It was a succinct if a bit simplistic way of getting Jack through the guilt of killing another human being. To me, this also helped absolve Jack of some of his other guilt as well—the guilt of never having returned home to save his people. The flashback itself is well-told, giving us just enough to understand what Jack experienced, what he and his father were feeling, and why it was such an important lesson for Jack to learn.

The resolving fight that follows is of course greatly animated and a lot of fun. The tides have turned, and Jack is now ready and capable to take his assailants down. This turning of the tide is also reflected in the background. In the previous episode, the landscape was always dark, foggy, and obfuscated in one way or another, complementing and enshrouding his black-clad enemies. Here, the land is so pristinely white that the only thing you can actually see is Jack and his opponents. It harkens back to the “Samurai vs Ninja” episode wherein while the Ninja uses the darkness as his domain, Jack uses the light to combat the darkness.

We also get a tiny bit more of Ashi’s humanity working its way to the surface in this episode. We see her volunteer for guard duty and then use the opportunity to gaze at the starry sky. It’s not a lot, but it communicates to us that there’s something more to her than there is to her sisters, and that we can probably expect more to be explored.

Jack, of course, beats all the bad guys as the episode leaves us on an almost literal cliffhanger, as Jack and Ashi are dropped from a towering precipice to the ground far below. It’s not quite as intense or exciting a cliffhanger as the last couple episodes, but the show at this point has demonstrated enough quality and gotten us invested enough in the characters and events that we’ll definitely tune in again anyway. Overall, a well-told story and a pretty fitting end to the season’s first act.

 XCV

This is probably what you could consider to be the first “comedy” episode of the season, and it actually comes at a good time. Jack has just dealt with probably the shittiest situation in his life (maybe short of the time he realized that he was sent thousands of years into the future, that his whole family and nation were dead, and that Aku essentially had taken over the world). If there was a time for some levity, it was probably now.

Here is where we first see Jack and Ashi directly interact outside of combat, and we really get a sense of just how thorough her brainwashing is, in spite of her glimmers of humanity. What results from these interactions varies a bit. We get some genuinely funny exchanges, but we also get a lot of Ashi consistently and unyieldingly berating Jack and praising Aku. While I still welcomed the episode at the time despite it not being my favorite, and while I do still think it was a nice change of pace for the season, I now kind of recognize that it wasn’t just a break from the incredibly tense first several episodes. It was actually more of an indication of the general direction the show would now move in, and this has caused me to revise my initial opinion of it.

This is getting ahead of the episode, but a lot of the story that follows relies heavily on Jack’s relationship with Ashi. In fact, their relationship is kind of the emotional backbone for the final act of the whole season, and for that to work, we really needed something skillfully and gracefully defined. This episode, if you ask me, was a bit of a missed opportunity—in retrospect, at least.

This was basically 20 minutes of us having nothing but Ashi and Jack alone together, but instead of learning more about them and them learning more about one another, we spend most of it just repeating the same motions over and over again, either to play up the pointlessness of Jack trying to reach Ashi, or for the sake of escalating the absurd comicality of it all. Or perhaps both. But in either case, especially when the past few episode were so rich with characterization and insight, it does kind of feel like some time was wasted here, and this is reinforced by the fact that we really don’t get much meaningful dialogue or interaction between Jack and Ashi even after this episode, which I will discuss when we get to the relevant episodes.

This is part of why I felt like Ashi’s turnaround at the episode’s end was somewhat unnatural. Okay, as a scene by itself, it’s pretty well done. We have Ashi flash back to a moment from her childhood concerning a ladybug, and then a parallel is drawn with Jack and another ladybug. It mainly uses visuals to communicate to us how Ashi has a change in perspective, and it’s done pretty well. But I couldn’t really shake just how stark a change it is when, for the first couple episodes, Ashi was unyieldingly determined to kill Jack, and then for this entire current episode, Ashi was totally closeminded and did nothing but hold fast to her belief that Jack was evil and Aku was the shit.

I’m not saying that I didn’t believe this shift in perspective could’ve happened, but, again, it feels like there were a lot of opportunities, not just in this episode but in the whole season, to give us a more natural and emotionally poignant transition. This discussion of Ashi’s turnaround from evil to good will be further explored in the next episode, and I hope that my views on it will be more substantiated by the evidence provided there.

However, all that said, this episode was still good. It was nice to see Jack find himself resolute enough to try to save Ashi not just from bodily peril, but from the poison in her own mind. We get more of Jack debating with his inner, negative self over whether he should continue to bother with all the trouble, and Jack struggling to remain steadfast in his resolve. We also got a bit of a return to the show’s roots, putting Jack in a new and fantastical environment with strange creatures and obstacles for him to explore and overcome—only this time with a very, very vexing and trying companion (who also wants to kill him). The comedy in this episode also still worked pretty well, and I did enjoy some of the ways in which Ashi and Jack displayed that comical chemistry. Not an amazing episode, but still a pretty good one.

 XCVI

Scotsman is back. This is easily the highlight of this episode. He is very old, but he hasn’t lost a step (well, figuratively speaking). And he and his (now deceased?) wife were apparently very busy making an able-bodied army of warrior daughters, except not the vicious murderous kind that we were familiar with from the first couple episodes. Seeing Scotsman charge into battle against Aku before bombarding him with his trademark longwinded flurry of insults was great for longtime fans of the show, even if it did end with Aku laser-eyeing him to death (and then thankfully him returning as a ghost). It was another fun and funny return to a beloved character from the show’s history, not unlike Aku’s own introductory scene this season.

That being said, I actually did not care for much of the remainder of this episode. I discussed previously how I felt that there was some missed opportunity in exploring Jack and Ashi’s relationship. It instead devoted an entire episode to Jack fruitlessly trying to reach Ashi, only to be spurned at every turn and then only for Ashi to undergo a decisive emotional epiphany through a single moment at the episode’s end. Here, we now spend half the episode with Jack providing Ashi with exposition, explaining to her how Aku is evil and, like, literally just the worst with some visual aids.

Now if you were to ask me how else I would’ve done it, I honestly couldn’t tell you. All I can tell you is that the high bar set by the first several episodes of this season left me a bit disappointed with this one and the ramifications that spread outward from it, both forward and back. It lessened my appreciation of the prior episode and it made me feel like there was something missing from the episodes that followed. Again, this turning of Ashi from Aku to Jack, her emotional transformation, and the resultant relationship between Jack and Ashi was all incredibly important to the season’s ultimate plot, and having an episode that’s half exposition and half nearly meaningless action took a lot away from all that, at least for me.

And, yes, I felt that a lot of this episode felt kind of insubstantial. Once we get to the village with the dying villagers and abducted children, it basically turns into a generic villain-of-the-week plot where we don’t really learn anything new or interesting about the characters, the characters themselves don’t really undergo any interesting changes or experiences, and the plot itself is just not really all that captivating. Jack has that moment at the end where all the children seemingly die and he finally gives into the mysterious horseback rider in the distance, but it all feels a little cheap. After all, those children didn’t actually die, for one. And for another, Jack didn’t even cause their seeming death, which is obvious. It’s not as though he finally gave into his anger and started beating the kids up, and then they all collapsed and Jack was like “oh, no! I killed them all! I must accept my punishment!”

You could argue that it was more guilt from not being able to save them rather than from causing their deaths directly, but I would argue that this is in direct contradiction to the seminal lesson he learned only two episodes ago—it is the decisions you make and the actions that follow that define who you are. Jack knows this now. He decided to help the villagers and save those children. He decided not to harm them and do whatever he could to survive and help. They SEEMINGLY died anyway, but if he really understood this lesson, and it was pretty clearly conveyed that he did, while he may not be totally absolved of guilt, he definitely isn’t at a tipping point where he should now face the music and kill himself.

But perhaps that isn’t really the problem. Maybe the real problem here is that, I mean, come on, it’s all just a misunderstanding. Jack left two minutes too early to see that the kids were actually fine and for Ashi to explain to him what happened. Whatever character development (or regression) that follows is merely the result of an overly convenient plot device and not because of any natural causality. I might be sounding a bit harsh, but this is exactly the sort of character drama that I hate. I hate drama that is caused not by problems with the characters and the consequences of their inherent flaws and deliberate actions, but drama that happens because it’s necessitated by the story to promote conflict.

This episode was quite underwhelming for me as it was half heavy-handed explanation and half mindless, predictable action. It lacked the emotional punch of the first several episodes and really left me wanting more.

When Ashi was left at the end to go save Jack, it was also the first time where I really felt that more should’ve been done to establish a more meaningful or at least complex relationship between her and Jack. Sure, Ashi now had to save Jack, but is there really enough of a connection there to make it a journey I’m going to be invested in? After all, their relationship is presently defined by nothing other than a single one-sided connection Ashi made via flashback and Jack lecturing Ashi about how wrong she is and how bad Aku is. I would have to watch the next episode to see for myself whether that would be enough.

PART 2 TOMORROW.

[chocoluckchipz-bag]

What I Hate Love You was all about

While reading all the posts concerning I Hate Love You I noticed that a lot of people said something like this – “I haven’t even read the fic, but what you are saying is horrible…” And, honestly, if I had read only those posts but not the actual fic itself and wouldn’t know how it ends I might be feeling the same way. That’s why I want to explain what was I Hate Love You is all about.  

First and foremost, I Hate Love You was problematic and sensitive, I understand that, but it did not promote or romanticized abuse. It spoke of it.  A lot. It described how the victim could feel. It showed that more often than not the victim would stay and be drawn back. It showed that victim might not get support from even her closest friends and that even those can severely misunderstand and flatly do not believe you. It showed that often those women feel attraction to their abusers. If that weren’t the case, leaving an abusive relationship would have been easy. But it’s not. For some reason women stay and go back. Being attracted is one of them. Not the only reason but one of them. Marinette was practically forced back with Adrien but it didn’t work, now did it? I tried to explore her feelings and possible reactions. I think the text showed very clearly that she wasn’t ready for a relationship with anyone at that point so when she finally realized that, she chose to leave and did not go back.

 Adrien. First of all, I never claimed he was the canonical version. He is as OOC as can be. Second, I Hate Love You was trying to show his personal growth and his attempts to change because while most abusers don’t care and will never change there are some who will. I’ve seen both versions and can testify that there are some who do change. And if Adrien would have ended up as an abuser, I believe, he would want to change the minute he realized that. However, the process is not a quick or easy one. In the last chapter Adrien still had issues, as many of you noticed, but he came a long way since the beginning, didn’t he? He was still possessive but, if you noticed, he resolved to stay away again, even while being thrown back together.

 I did describe a lot of his inner state to show his battles, to show his growth as a person from an abuser to a somewhat normal human (but as of chapter 18 we didn’t come to that portion yet). However, I never once claimed that his actions were good and justified. What he did was absolutely horrendous and unspoken for and he should pay for it but a prison sentence, as some suggested, is not always the worst punishment. Bearing the guilt in your heart and realizing the gravity of your sins while not being able to change the past – that is the hell on Earth. That is the worst punishment, in my opinion. Living every day and waking up with a realization that you ruined someone’s life, that in your youth’s stupidity you scarred someone’s soul, that somewhere out there is a person who wishes she’d never met you – that’s a kind of torture not everyone can handle to bear. People who can’t forgive themselves are the most miserable people there is. Sitting in a prison is much easier.

 The text spoke a lot about forgiveness and I won’t spend too much time on this here because I got your opinion loud and clear – no second chances. However, I still believe that some people deserve second chances. Not all of them and not always but some do. Forgiveness, however, does NOT equal going back to your abuser! Tikki never said that Marinette should go back to Adrien because he apologized, which he did despite what some of you say. Tikki always told her to forgive for her own sanity and her own happiness because un-forgiveness will, first of all, hang over the victim's life. It always is much easier to move on once you get rid of all that is tying you to your abuser. Including unforgiveness. But then again – to forgive someone doesn’t mean to go back to that person. It means to let go of the negative emotions and free space for future happiness with someone else.

 I always promised a happy ending. I don’t take that back but you all need to remember that there are more kinds of happy endings than to marry and have 5 children. As a matter a fact, since it’s not important to hide things anymore, I can reveal that Marinette and Adrien would not have ended up together. In no story of mine the girl would be stuck in an abusive relationship. In fact, it would have been Adrien at the end who would finally remove himself from her life for good because he would not be able to forgive himself. By the end, as he matures and experience stuff, Adrien would’ve realized the full gravity of his actions, something that as a late teen/ young adult he didn't have the maturity to do. But once he matures and it dawns on him he never forgives himself for his own actions. They would've had their happy endings and I am sure most people would've loved what I had in store for them but they would’ve had them while going their separate ways after Marinette would’ve finally healed. But, of course, no one wanted to wait for that part.

 Some people said to specify exactly who the bad and the good guys are but I don’t think that is realistic. There is not a single person in the world that purely good or evil. Yes, some more evil than good and vice versa but no one is simply black or white. We all have our light and dark sides and it’s the matter of how well we control them and how hard we work on ourselves that defines us either as heroes or villains. Most people who’ve read the story fully will agree that there were times when they hated both of them and where they loved both of them. The title itself echoes that aspect. Just think about people in your life. Do you always love them? Don’t we all have those times when you just want to beat the crap out of them? Same concept I was trying to show here. Maybe for that exact reason I refused to make Adrien un-repented abuser. I believe that deep down his soul is good and that he can change and, if not correct fully, at least try to fix what he did. He had the ability to change and he was on his way there. True, he would’ve ended up alone at the end but he would’ve been in a much better place than he was at the start.    

 So, what can I say at the end? I Hate Love You was a complicated fic dealing with the sensitive topics. It’s not your typical fluffy fall in love story. It was written, actually, to raise the awareness about abuse and bullying. I didn’t support abuse; I simply described what it can be and how it can go. I hoped that when people would read it they would start thinking and maybe, just maybe, do something about abuse and bullying in the real life because they saw their favorite characters suffer through it in I Hate Love You.

 I understand that not all of you want to read serious fiction like this but there are people who like to read not only fluff and romance but also like to see the growth and personal development of a character. There are people who want to hear about serious issues. My professor recently quoted someone. That person said that if he writes a book and that book causes people great enough discomfort to go and do something about the issue discussed then that book was written well. I tried to do the same here with abuse and bullying. I Hate Love You didn’t support or romanticized bullying. It was showing you the horrific reality of it so you would stand up to a bully next time you see someone being hurt. In a way, I’d say it succeeded too well in getting people together against abuse and backfired on me.

 If anyone doesn’t know yet, I am 32-years-old and I have kids so I understand your concerns very well. Would I like my kids to read I Hate Love You some day? When they reach that level of maturity (it was rated M) yes, absolutely. I would love my son to read it and tell me – “Mom, Adrien was such a moron here! He destroyed not only this girl’s life but also his own. Yes, he was lucky to be forgiven by others but he never forgave himself and never became truly happy and for what? For his inability to think before acting? I wouldn’t want to end up like him. I wouldn’t want to be that boy those name someone fears to pronounce. I want to be better than him.” I would love my daughter to read this and tell me – “I can’t believe that Alya can even call herself Marinette’s friend! How could she be so insensible as to miss out that Marinette was bullied? How did she even dare to try and get her “presumed” best friend with her abuser? I wouldn’t want to be someone like her! I will be more sensitive to my friend’s feelings from now on.” I want others to read this and say – “This is BS! It’s horrible and inexcusable!” so next time they see someone bullied they would stand up for that victim. Because let’s be real bullying is happening left and right. It hurts people and we all agree that this is bad but there are only so many people who would be brave enough to stand up publicly.

 There are different kinds of literature and some of the stuff I've read in my school is far worse that I Hate Love You and yet teachers agree that the students need to read and discuss them. There are tons of fluff and romance but there are also books that speak of disturbing issues in order to provoke a response and get them resolved. That what I Hate Love You was all about.    

[wildcatscot]

Liam Fee

** TRIGGER WARNING **   18+ ONLY A HORRENDOUS STORY SO PLEASE DO NOT WATCH IF YOU COULD BE UPSET OR TRIGGERED BY IT. ********** THE SCOTTISH GOVERNMENT HAVE A LOT TO ANSWER FOR. THEY ABSOLUTELY PLAYED A PART IN WHAT HAPPENED TO LIAM. HIS DEATH WAS EASILY AVOIDABLE.

& WHAT ABOUT LIAM'S NAMED PERSON? Well, she was too scared of the baby killing b*tches so she stayed WELL CLEAR. Lucky her, Liam didnt have that choice, nor did his 2 brothers.

When i first started researching CSA & SRA I had to find away to turn off my emotions or i would have spend the rest of my days curled up in a corner sobbing 24/7. I learned very quickly to shut my heart & my mummy head in the cupboard & to use my work head & see things in a factual, clinical manner. Liam's case is the only one i didnt manage to do that with. So this video was the hardest thing i have ever done It is VERY upsetting & i am actually in tears just typing this! A gorgeous wee boy & he will always have a special place in my heart.

Liam's very short life & his horrific death are disturbing to say the least so again

*DO NOT WATCH IF IT IS LIKELY TO TRIGGER OR UPSET YOU*

RIP  baby boy   x

[hermanwatts]

SUPERVERSIVE: The Best Anime of the Year Mega Post

Giorno Giovanna, a holdover from Winter 2018

Outside of the horrendous and tragic Kyoto Animation fire, this was an amazing year for anime. The fire is a terrible loss to the community; there is no softening that blow. But as far as the quality of the shows that came out – WOW!

This is going to be a pretty long post, because there’s so much to get to. Before we start, here’s the structure:

I will be naming one show per season as the “Winner”, and then pick a runner-up.

Only new shows will be counted – if a show from a previous season is continuing or a season 2 is airing, that won’t count.

That said, best continuing show/sequel will be its own category.

An anime of the year will be named as one of the winners at the end.

Without further ado…Let’s begin!

Winter Season Winner: The Promised Neverland

Overview/Review: I remember when the winter season was ongoing it was thought of as a truly incredible season. And…yeah, but not necessarily because of the huge variety of new shows. It’s because between the new shows and continuations of previous shows, there was a ton of FANTASTIC content. We have the incredible season 2 of “Mob Psycho 100” airing as well as the back half of part 5 of Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure, “Golden Wind”, arguably the best one yet. “Dororo” started airing as well; I only saw it later on (and honestly it came off mostly as a bargain bin “Demon Slayer” with worse action choreography, animation, and music – yes, I know it came first), but it was still pretty good.

Without a doubt though, of the new shows, the season came down to two: “The Promised Neverland” and “Kaguya-Sama: Love is War”.

(“Wait, you’re not even going to talk about ‘Shield Hero’?” NO.)

Both shows were very good, but I think everybody knows the clear winner has to be “The Promised Neverland”

Okay, I know I already outed myself as a loyal shonen guy, and yes, this year’s list will have multiple. And yes, “The Promised Neverland” is a shonen. But it’s not a normal shonen. “The Promised Neverland” is a horror story. A really intense horror story about adorable children being raised on a farm and fed to demons.

I just spoiled something for the first episode, but I don’t know how to recommend it to people without talking about the premise. And MAN is that some premise, and some first episode. The show doesn’t shy away from some truly horrific imagery, and the direction and character animations are tremendous.

Most importantly though…the damn thing is scary. Really scary. It isn’t nihilistic, it isn’t gory or gross or full of jump scares, but the way it expertly maintains an atmosphere of slowly creeping dread is masterful. And yet, it is also undoubtedly superversive, an impressive feat.

I can’t talk about much more because spoilers really do matter in a story like this. The villain is great, the leads are likable, and the soundtrack is solidly atmospheric. It’s an excellent show.

That said, to my eyes it is far from perfect. The pacing is totally janked in the middle, with certain plot points being hyperfocused on to an almost laughable degree and others sped by so fast you’re left scratching your head trying to figure out how you got here. And outside the villains, while the characters are solidly likable they don’t particularly stand out. This makes sense in a story like this – too competent and you lose some of the tension as it becomes less likely they’ll lose – but it does nevertheless leave you occasionally waiting for somebody to do something really interesting, and while it DOES happen it can take awhile. It often feels like lots of chess pieces are being pushed around with few captures.

But in the end the show has such a great atmosphere and executes its terrific premise so well it is the easy pick for the anime of the spring season. Highly recommended.

Runner-up: Kaguya-Sama: Love is War is a neat twist on high school rom-coms starring two characters who both obviously like each other but instead of talking it out engage in escalating battles of hyperbolic 3-D chess as each tries to get the other to confess. The show honestly starts off slow but as it starts to peel back the layers surrounding its characters it grows beyond being a collection of memes and becomes a funny and satisfying rom-com in its own right, more like “Toradora” than not. Recommended.

Spring Season Winner: Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba

Review/Overview: The spring season was nowhere near as strong as the winter season, with no real standout sequels to pad out the numbers. But one show stood out, and not only stood out, is in my opinion superior to “The Promised Neverland”, and that show is “Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba”.

Let’s be honest here: Demon Slayer is about as generic a shonen as you can get. A teenager from the Taisho period of Japan named Tanjiro comes home to find his entire family murdered by demons, save one: his sister Nezuko, but unfortunately she’s no luckier – she’s been transformed into a demon herself. Despite this Tanjiro refuses to believe that her humanity is completely gone, and searches desperately for help. After a chance encounter with a demon slayer proves that her familial loyalty has not been completely lost the slayer spares her life and recommends Tanjiro train to join the Demon Slayer Corps, with the hope that with their training and resources on his side he can somehow find a cure.

The characters are fine – nothing special. The plot is fine – nothing special. So what makes this show so great?

Quite simply, this show has arguably the greatest production values a TV anime has ever had.  Demon Slayer paces itself well, and every action scene is better than the last, culminating in the remarkable Demon Mountain arc and the stunning episode 19 fight between Tanjiro and one of the villainous twelve Kizuki, super-powerful demons working for the most powerful demon of all, Muzan. 

So essentially we have a show with solid characters (except Zenitsu, who at times nearly ruins the show, though people have promised me with solemn assurance that he gets better), pacing, and writing and incredible action, animation, sound design, and soundtrack. For a shonen to break its way into the popular consciousness I think it needs to do one thing particularly well; for “My Hero Academia” it’s the characters and for “Demon Slayer” it’s the production values. For that reason I doubt it will age as well, but that doesn’t make what we have any less excellent.

Runner-up: None. I didn’t particularly like the rest of the offerings this season. I suppose I should note “Fruits Basket” is supposed to be good even if it isn’t really my thing.

Summer Season Winner: Dr. Stone

Review/Overview: Summer was a much stronger season than the spring season, though often for a lot of its sequels. We have the fun, if slight, sequel to “Is it Wrong to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon?” which is the sort of light feel good show I think the lame Slime Isekai was supposed to be, and some well-regarded spinoffs I have been assured are good even though I didn’t watch them, such as “A Certain Scientific Accelerator” and “Lord El-Melloi’s Case Files”. We also have mediocre-but-not-terrible disappointments like “Fire Force”, which at least has decent animation sometimes. “Vinland Saga” I haven’t had the opportunity to watch yet; I’ve heard it’s…pretty fine.

But by far, and I mean by far, the best anime of the summer is “Dr. Stone”. Holy crap do I love this show. “Dr. Stone’s” premise is as simple as it is awesome: One day all of humanity turns to stone. Over 3,000 years later Senku Ishigami, a genius high schooler with a passion for science, wakes up along with his dim-witted but physically adept friend Taiju, and together they set about rebuilding civilization and reviving the stone world.

The show starts off with a bang, leaning into the horror of the premise and introducing an unforgettable character in Senku, then steadily improves as it goes along. “Dr. Stone” is not a battle anime, but that doesn’t mean it’s not hype. “Dr. Stone” is an anime about science, yes, but more importantly it’s an anime about how humanity is awesome and how we take for granted all of the wonders of the modern world that people of the past could only dream of.

The hype moments take place in the form of technological and scientific achievements, as Senku slowly reintroduces modern technology to a lovable cast of characters. It also features what is absolutely my scene of the year, even over “Demon Slayer’s” epic episode 19 fight, in the final minutes of episode 9, an utterly awe-inspiring moment that needs to be seen for itself to be fully appreciated.

Imagine you have never seen a light bulb, a record, a generator, antibiotics, or even pasta before. What would it be like to see it for the first time? To watch the modern world come into being? The answer to that question is the true appeal of “Dr. Stone” (not to mention its gorgeous backgrounds and hilarious facial expressions), and I can’t recommend it enough.

Runner-up: Despite some good sequels no new shows really stood out to me, but for what its worth I’ve heard “Vinland Saga” is pretty decent, if a bit divisive. As far as sequels I do recommend “Is it Wrong to Pick up Girls in a Dungeon?” for a fun time.

Fall Season Winner: No Guns Life

Review/Overview: The Fall season has been insanely good, both in new shows and sequels. Though stuffed with isekai not even all of them are disasters for once.  What I’m just going to call “Pro Wrestler Isekai” and “Cautious Hero Isekai” are okay, if not hilarious, comedies; ultimately I think if Pro Wrestler Isekai – written by the Konosuba author – had the animation quality of “Cautious Hero Isekai”, it would probably be great, but as is one is written very well but has bland animation and one is animated hilariously but feels more like a knock-off “Konosuba” then the anime by the “Konosuba” guy. Still, both can be an okay time.

“Ascendance of a Bookworm” is a very, very slow burn, and I’m getting tired of medieval European-style settings, but the characters are lovely, the ideas behind it are interesting, and it looks great. If you are okay with the snail’s pace there’s a lot to love about it. Even a show like “Assassin’s Pride”, which is generic light novel trash, is really, really well animated and well drawn with an interesting world and terrific visuals. I can’t and won’t recommend it, but we’re in a season where even the bad shows actually have effort put into them.

To say nothing of the sequels, season 4 of “My Hero Academia” and even season 3 of “Chihayafiuru”, which is a surprisingly fun little show about a girl obsessed with the Japanese card game Karuta and the relationships that have been formed around it.

That said, two new shows this season were both absolutely outstanding, “No Guns Life” and “Beastars”, but while I absolutely love “Beastars” and unreservedly recommend it I have to give “No Guns Life” the nod as anime of the season. In a dystopian future Juzo Inui is a private eye working as a “Resolver” where he takes on cases specifically related to “extended”, humans who have augmented their body with cybernetic extensions. In fact, Juzo is an extended himself, a particularly dramatic one, in fact. You see, his head is a gun.

Yeah. His head. Is a gun. Straight up, just a gun.

So this show is awesome, of course. With a premise like that, how could it not be? But it’s even better than that. “No Guns Life” is smart. Juzo’s (outstanding) character design can easily be played campily and over the top, but the show goes a different way and plays everything with total seriousness. As a result Juzo, while absolutely badass, comes off as a distinctly tragic figure. I think the most impressive part of this show is that once I started watching it I never thought to myself “Man does Juzo look silly”. He isn’t a silly character, he’s a sad one, his humanity forcibly taken away so he could be turned into a living weapon.

And yes, he is indeed super cool. Remember, only people Juzo accepts get to touch his trigger, and he doesn’t intend to accept anyone. The other main characters, a teenager rescued by Juzo from the evil Beruhren Corporation, who conducted human experimentation on children, and Mary, Juzo’s mechanic, are both immediately interesting to watch, to say nothing of the colorful cast of minor characters appearing regularly throughout the show. The plot is an engaging conspiracy mystery with plenty of twists and turns, and the studio in charge is the legendary Madhouse so of course the animation is great. It all feels like a 90’s throwback anime in the best possible way – mature storytelling for a slightly older audience with a serious-looking art style and color palette.

I should note that for the first time on this list it is questionable if the show is strictly speaking superversive. “No Guns Life” is a neo-noir, and the essence of noir is that the world of black and white, good and evil, is gone: We’re in a world of gray now. But inside this world of gray are men like Juzo, who hold onto the flame of integrity even though they know it has no value in a world like this – but that doesn’t matter, because sometimes something is still the right thing to do. Good isn’t always rewarded, evil isn’t always punished, but that’s no excuse for breaking your moral code, because in the world of gray it’s even more important than ever before. Is that superversive? Maybe, maybe not, but it’s certainly compelling. Highly recommended.

Runner-up: I can’t emphasize enough that “Beastars”,  dark tale about the lives of herbivores and carnivores living in a society where they are forced to integrate as equals, is very nearly just as good a show as “No Guns Life”. Specifically, “Beastars” takes place in a school and follows the life of Legosi, a polite and mild-mannered wolf who is constantly swallowing down sudden urges of extreme bloodlust. After a murder takes place on campus and Legosi nearly loses control and kills a rabbit, tensions mount and conflicts start to arise not only between the herbivores and the carnivores but even between fellow carnivores with conflicting ideas about how to live their lives.

The show is animated in CGI but somehow it not only works, it has one of the coolest and most distinct visual styles of the year. The music has a jazzy feel vaguely reminiscent of “Cowboy Bebop”. While the OP, “Wild Side”, isn’t necessarily the best one (there are others with more going on visually), it’s terrific musically, has legitimately incredible stop motion animation, and tells a creepy little self-contained story. “Beastars” is an excellent show, and that I prefer “No Guns Life” is arguably only a matter of taste. Highly recommended.

Best continuing show/sequel of the year: Mob Psycho 100 season 2.

Review/Overview: With so many amazing sequels having come out this year, to say nothing of the continuing shows from Fall 2018, I want to say that this was a really difficult choice. We have the terrific second half of part 5 of JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, “Golden Wind”. We have the front half of season 4 of the always excellent “My Hero Academia” in its best story arc. We have the fun-if-slight shows “Is it Wrong to Pick up Girls in a Dungeon?” season 2 and “Chihayafuru” season 3. All of these shows ranged from good to outstanding and could easily win in any other year.

(Note: “My Hero Academia”, if the arc is executed well, would probably win if the FULL season was shown instead of just the first half.)

I want to say this was a really difficult choice, but it wasn’t difficult at all. Season 2 of “Mob Psycho 100” was somehow even better than the incredible season 1 of the show, and cements its status as an instant classic. It’s hilarious, it’s touching, the animation is insanely good, and the message that hard work and self-improvement is the key to making a fulfilling life for yourself is just as profound in the modern anime world landscape as ever. Despite airing all the way back in the winter season, and despite many other excellent shows up against it, there was never any other real contender. There’s no excuse not to be watching this one by now.

And now, last but not least…

New show of the year: Dr. Stone

This year really was insanely strong. It featured five – Five! – shows that easily could have been anime of the year in almost any other year in “The Promised Neverland”, “Demon Slayer”, “No Guns Life”, “Beastars”, and “Dr. Stone”. But I can’t in good conscience pick any show but “Dr. Stone” as new anime of the year. Like “The Promised Neverland” its premise is immediately eye-catching, but unlike that show it doesn’t have any weird pacing issues, and it has one of the most compelling protagonists ever.

The production values are not to the level of “Demon Slayer” and it doesn’t feature much action, but it explores ideas that are far more interesting and features moments that are just as hype as any fight scene. It doesn’t have the twisty plot or mature style of “No Guns Life” but it has an infectious enthusiasm for humanity that really makes you reflect on just how much our species has accomplished.

It’s a super optimistic show with a great premise, a great protagonist, great backgrounds, great character designs, great facial expressions, great ideas, and is overall the most fun I’ve had watching an anime this year. In a year of strengths, “Dr. Stone” stands out as the strongest. I am ten billion percent certain you’ll regret it if you miss it.

Bonus section – Disappointment of the year: “Carole and Tuesday”

This year featured in my opinion four contenders for the title. “Fire Force” was much hyped but ended up being mostly dull with bursts of action that were hard to be invested in thanks to the unmemorable characters and unimpressive plot. After an incredible season 1 “One Punch Man’s” second season was a dud that had none of the effort and passion that went into the original season of the show. “The Rising of the Shield Hero” was again much hyped but suffered from the same problems as every other isekai story even as it pretended it didn’t.

But while the easy pick for disappointment of the year is “One Punch Man”, I’m not going to pick that. Really, didn’t we all know it would be bad when we heard Madhouse wasn’t going to be handling it? Instead I’ll have to give the award to “Carole and Tuesday”, a Shinichiro Watanabe show about a rich girl in a sci-fi future who moves to the city to make it big in music, where she teams up with a poor waitress and they form a band. Watanabe, the legendary director of classics like “Cowboy Bebop”, “Samurai Champloo”, and “Space Dandy” putting out a show centered around music? How could it miss?

Alas, miss it did. The first episode was one of the most predictably trite first episodes I’ve ever seen for a show. It did absolutely nothing interesting. The characters weren’t interesting, the worldbuilding wasn’t interesting, the animation wasn’t interesting…nothing. It was just bland, bland, bland – the last thing I expected from a Watanabe show. Listen to the soundtrack and ignore the rest of it. It’ll save you some time.

  SUPERVERSIVE: The Best Anime of the Year Mega Post published first on https://sixchexus.weebly.com/

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PITTSBURGH — A shooter opened fire during a baby naming ceremony at a Pittsburgh synagogue on Saturday, and people with knowledge of the investigation said at least 10 people were killed.

At least six other people were wounded, including four police officers who dashed to the scene, authorities said.

Police said a suspect was in custody after the attack at the Tree of Life Congregation in Pittsburgh’s Squirrel Hill neighborhood. A law enforcement official identified the suspect as Robert Bowers and said he is in his 40s. The official wasn’t authorized to discuss an ongoing investigation and spoke to The Associated Press on condition of anonymity.

City officials said the shooting was being investigated as a federal hate crime. It comes amid a rash of high-profile attacks in an increasingly divided country, including the series of pipe bombs mailed over the past week to prominent Democrats and former officials.

The shooting also immediately reignited the longstanding national debate about guns: President Donald Trump said synagogues and churches should have armed guards, while Pennsylvania’s Democratic governor said that “dangerous weapons are putting our citizens in harm’s way.”

The people who provided the death toll spoke to The Associated Press anonymously because they were not authorized to speak publicly about the shooting.

“It is a very horrific crime scene. It’s one of the worst that I’ve seen and I’ve been on some plane crashes,” said a visibly moved Wendell Hissrich, the Pittsburgh public safety director.

The attack took place during a baby naming ceremony, according to Pennsylvania Attorney General Josh Shapiro. It was unknown whether the baby was harmed.

The synagogue is located in the tree-lined residential neighborhood of Squirrel Hill, about 10 minutes from downtown Pittsburgh and the hub of Pittsburgh’s Jewish community.

Trump called the shooting “far more devastating than anyone thought,” saying “it’s a terrible thing what’s going on with hate in our country.”

Trump also said the outcome might have been different if the synagogue “had some kind of protection” from an armed guard and suggested that might be a good idea for all churches and synagogues.

Gov. Tom Wolf called the shooting an “absolute tragedy” in a statement that made reference to calls for tighter gun control laws.

“We must all pray and hope for no more loss of life,” Wolf said. “But we have been saying “this one is too many” for far too long. Dangerous weapons are putting our citizens in harm’s way.”

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu said he was “heartbroken and appalled” by the attack.

“The entire people of Israel grieve with the families of the dead,” Netanyahu said. “We stand together with the Jewish community of Pittsburgh. We stand together with the American people in the face of this horrendous anti-Semitic brutality. And we all pray for the speedy recovery of the wounded.”

World Jewish Congress President Ronald S. Lauder called the shooting “an attack not just on the Jewish community, but on America as a whole.”

In 2010, Tree of Life Congregation — founded more than 150 years ago — merged with Or L’Simcha to form Tree of Life (asterisk) Or L’Simcha.

The synagogue is a fortress-like concrete building, its facade punctuated by rows of swirling, modernistic stained-glass windows illustrating the story of creation, the acceptance of God’s law, the “life cycle” and “how human-beings should care for the earth and one another,” according to its website. Among its treasures is a “Holocaust Torah,” rescued from Czechoslovakia.

Its sanctuary can hold up to 1,250 guests.

Michael Eisenberg, the immediate past president of the Tree of Life Synagogue, lives about a block from the building.

He was getting ready for services when he received a phone call from a member who works with Pittsburgh’s Emergency Services, saying he had been notified through scanner and other communications that there was an active shooter at their synagogue.

“I ran out of the house without changing and I saw the street blocked with police cars. It was a surreal scene. And someone yelled, ‘Get out of here.’ I realized it was a police officer along the side of the house. … I am sure I know all of the people, all of the fatalities. I am just waiting to see,” Eisenberg said.

He said officials at the synagogue had not gotten any threats that he knew of prior to the shooting. The synagogue maintenance employees had recently checked all of the emergency exits and doors to make sure they were cleared and working.

“I spoke to a maintenance person who was in the building and heard the shots. He was able to escape through one of the side exit doors we had made sure was functioning,” Eisenberg said.

Jeff Finkelstein of the Jewish Federation of Greater Pittsburgh said local synagogues have done “lots of training on things like active shooters, and we’ve looked at hardening facilities as much as possible.”

“This should not be happening, period,” he told reporters at the scene. “This should not be happening in a synagogue.”

Just three days before the shooting, Rabbi Jeffrey Myers posted a column on the congregation’s website, noting that people make time to attend funerals, but not for life’s happy occasions.

“There is a story told in the Talmud of a wedding procession and a funeral procession heading along parallel roads, with the roads intersecting,” Myers wrote on Wednesday. “The question asked is: when they meet at the fork, which procession goes first, funeral or wedding? The correct answer is wedding, as the joy of the couple takes precedence. In fact, the funeral procession is to move out of sight so that their joy is not lessened.”

Myers ended his column with words that now seem all too prescient.

“We value joy so much in Judaism that upon taking our leave from a funeral or a shiva house, the customary statement one makes (in Yiddish) is ‘nor oyf simches’ – only for s’machot,” Myers wrote. “While death is inevitable and a part of life, we still take our leave with the best possible blessing, to meet at joyous events. And so I say to you: nor oyf simches!”

By GENE PUSKAR – Oct 27. 2018 – 3:35 PM EDT

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Associated Press writers Eric Tucker and Michael Balsamo in Washington, Marc Levy and Claudia Lauer in Pennsylvania, and Allen G. Breed in Raleigh, N.C., contributed to this report.

AP Sources: At Least 10 Dead In Pittsburgh Synagogue Attack PITTSBURGH — A shooter opened fire during a baby naming ceremony at a Pittsburgh synagogue on Saturday, and people with knowledge of the investigation said at least 10 people were killed.

[lareporteragonzeauxblog]

Asking for it

A young woman was sexually assaulted while unconscious at Fuego nightclub in the Santa Anita district of Lima last October. The horrendous act was caught on tape and widely disseminated over social media months later, causing a storm of scathing criticism and backlash.

Compelled to learn as much as possible about what happened, I decided to watch the video footage of the assault. A quick internet search brought me to an article with the scene caught on tape and embedded in the story. I reluctantly clicked play and almost immediately regretted my decision.

The video, though pixelated and recorded on a low-quality cellphone camera, shows the perpetrator, recently identified as John Pizarro Coronel, approach the young woman, who has chosen to keep her identity a secret, while she is passed out unconscious on a sofa in the club. Loud music is blaring and strobe lights are flashing as Coronel pulls his pants down and mounts the girl. He proceeds to thrust while she lay unmoving underneath him, and, at one particularly horrific moment, he looks into the camera smiling. 

Image caught on camera of John Pizarro Coronel violating an unconscious woman at Fuego night club in Lima last October, 2016

The footage is truly disturbing, and I felt ashamed for even watching it. What I found most disgusting, however, was not the gross violation of an unconscious woman, nor the feverish appropriation of the survivor’s body by the gleeful looking perpetrator, nor the eerily triumphant look on his face as he stares directly into the camera. Don’t get me wrong  — this was an atrocious act of sexual assault carried out against a completely helpless individual. But what disturbed me most, beyond the repulsive violation itself, was the fact that it was recorded. On a cellphone. Which was being held by someone. Someone who was watching as an unconscious woman was raped. Worse yet: the individual who caught the assault on tape was not standing there alone. A small crowd had gathered around, watching  —  some even laughing and cheering  —  as an unconscious woman was raped. 

The backlash against Coronel was, as to be expected, severe. Groups like ‘Ni una menos Peru’ and ‘Paro internacional de mujeres,’ women’s rights watchdog groups, openly appealed to the Peruvian National Police to penalize the perpetrator, and scathing remarks about him poured into social media platforms. 

Unfortunately, closely mirroring criticism of the rapist was criticism of the young woman who was assaulted. As I scrolled through hundreds of posts on the ‘Ni una menos Peru’ Facebook page, I was absolutely shocked at the hatred and victim blaming I read. Someone even created a fan page for the rapist. 

Here are just a few among many posts that stood out:

For those readers that do not read Spanish, let me translate a few key lines (please note that these are my rough translations of mostly colloquial phrases):

“Whoever drinks that much should learn to take care of herself. I’m not defending this sicko, but women that go out all alone are asking for misfortune.”

“Why do these things happen? Because these women let it...”

“The only one responsible is the girl for going out and not heeding all the warnings out there about such cases... she should have been more cautious.” 

“One of the many examples of how excessive alcohol consumption makes one lose her dignity!” 

“This happened because women neither respect nor accept their parents’ advice.”

“To hell with her, what a stupid girl. How did she manage to drink so much? She’s obviously not aware of the world we live in.” 

“How disgusting! This girl should protect her image as a woman. Drink in moderation and don’t walk around like a slut in a place with so many nasty drunks...” 

Yep. Go ahead, take a moment to process. I’ve read these (and many other comments) multiple times and I’m still appalled. 

The Peruvian National Police cite sexual assault as the second most frequently committed crime in Peru after aggravated robbery. Yet, in the former, it’s the victim that gets blamed, while in the latter, it’s the aggressor. 

Said in another way, in instances of sexual assault, people who are raped bear at least some responsibility, but people that rape aren’t fully responsible because they were just doing what everyone expected them to do when there’s an easy target —  to rape. When we apply the same logic to other crimes, like aggravated theft, it seems ridiculous: the thief wielding a weapon isn’t totally at fault because people who get mugged were asking for it. Right? Just like the unconscious girl at Fuego nightclub was asking for it because she wore a certain outfit, because she drank too much alcohol, because she knowingly went out to the club with people who could take advantage of her. 

She was asking for it, and Coronel was simply there to give it to her. How could we possibly place all the blame on him when she was so obviously provoking such behavior? (I hope the sarcasm here is glaringly obvious.) 

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On an entirely serious note, I’ve been confronted with the notion of ‘asking for it’ time and again, especially living in Peru, a notably conservative country with high rates of violence against women and sexual assault. 

However, ‘asking for it’ was first acutely brought to my attention the weekend of the infamous yacht races on Mackinac Island in Michigan (a tourist destination where my sister Maria and I were working a season). A notoriously good time, the races never fail to bring out the rowdiest of behavior in everyone, and anyone who dares walk down Main Street past 9 pm will most surely find his or herself intoxicated by bar close. I had unwittingly gotten myself a bit buzzed (okay, let’s be real, I was drunk) at the Pink Pony, easily the island’s most popular locale where yacht racers flock in droves to quite literally pour liquor down their throats and to harass anyone who refuses a shot. Maria had convinced me to spend the evening on the island at her dorm instead of retreating to my private abode off island in Mackinaw City. 

We were having a great time, chatting it up with inebriated sailors, throwing back too many craft beers, and dancing to live music. However, throughout the course of the evening, I, dressed in a solid grey t-shirt that was anything but sexy and a pair of jeans that I’d retained since high school, couldn’t help but notice and feel irked by the attention Maria was getting. 

To be sure, my sister is quite a show-stopper: tall, curvaceous, and fashion conscious, it’s no surprise that she gets lots of looks and compliments, and it’s not as though I’m not accustomed to fielding inquiries about her relationship status or favorite pastimes. But on this particular evening, I was hyper aware of one specific type of attention she was receiving — creepy, blatant stares at and perverted comments about her breasts. 

My verbal filter dwindled with my sobriety, and I couldn’t help but ask her about it. I don’t recall exactly what I said, but it was along the lines of, ‘Why do you wear such low cut tops if you know drunken perverts are just going to stare at and talk about your boobs?’ 

To my utter shock and dismay, Maria began to cry. 

She looked me squarely in the eyes, composed herself a bit, and said, ‘I thought you were a feminist. How can you claim that title and then criticize me for what I’m wearing? Don’t I have the right to wear what I want?’ 

It was a damn good question that begged so many others: Why, in the face of invasive and unwelcome attention from strangers, did I immediately revert to blaming the target of inappropriate advances? Did my sister really have the right to wear whatever she wanted wherever she wanted in front of whomever she pleased? If not, at what point does one cross the boundary between what’s okay and what’s not okay to wear? Do certain outfits invite certain responses? Do I need to protect myself by wearing or not wearing certain clothing, by saying or not saying certain things, by drinking or not drinking certain quantities of alcohol, by frequenting or not frequenting certain places? 

I cannot answer these questions outright, nor do I seek to do so here. The feminist in me wants to say ‘Hell no we’re not responsible! We have the right to self identify in any way we please and we should not be afraid to do so.’ A huge part of me feels that way. 

Then there’s another part of me, perhaps a more pragmatic part, perhaps a slightly defeated part, perhaps a part that has seen too much to pretend that we are free. This is the part that speaks to me when I’m deciding what to wear before I walk to the grocery store alone, before I get on public transportation without a bra, before I head out late at night wearing a short dress  — the part of me that heeds the warnings and feeds into the fear mongering. 

These two parts of me, one large, one small, will continue to push against one another. For now, what I know is this: nothing anyone does, under any circumstances, makes that person responsible for getting raped. For being sexually violated while unconscious. For being too drunk to say no  — or to say anything for that matter. 

Nobody is asking to be raped. Nobody is asking to be violated. No outfit, no amount of drinks, no behavior asks for sexual assault. Nobody is asking for it. 

[gawn-with-the-wind]

The Story Of Sam

I was watching Jack play The Temple of No when something he said caught my attention. He thought that one of the little doodles at the end looked like Sam but it wasn't green. He said it was him because he was septic. He got a giddy little look on his face before saying that that was a story that he wanted to see. So here we are. 

And in one his latest videos, he decided to do a fanart thing. I can’t draw for the life of me, so I’m doing exactly as instructed: expressing my idea in a different form.

So this is the harrowing tale of Sam.

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The land of Ophelia held many secrets. Many people have sought to discover the mysteries of the strange place, but not a single person could manage. There were those that merely thought the stories they heard were myths - tall tales told by parents and elderly folk in order to occupy their children. Nothing got the children of Ophelia more awestruck than the stories that they were told as they were tucked into bed at night. The tales were told generation after generation, spreading through the land like wildfire until there wasn't a single human being that was ignorant to the legends.

It was common for people to go off in search of answers. These people were raised on these stories; there were some that figured the myths were true. Some people spent their entire lives looking for some evidence that the stories were true. Some people claimed they saw some of the folk from the legends, and some people were publicly humiliated in their attachment to the tall tales. Not a single person believed those who claimed the myths were reality.

Except for one very special boy.

Samuel Jack Kinder was born without his left eye. His parents thought that he was a child of Satan, that he was the product of the mythical witch Annaliese. They refused to raise him as their own, so his aunt and uncle took him in. He was raised on the stories of Joel the Horrendous and Billy the Broken, of the Great Billiard War and the Battle of Sir Sean. He believed that every single story had some semblance of truth hidden within its words. Because of that, they refused to tell him the story of Annaliese. No matter how hard he begged and pleaded with them, they refused to tell him the tale.

"There is no reason to tell you such a story," his aunt would begin. "Your mother and father felt that the witch  was the reason your eye is the way it is. You don't need to hear it. You're a perfectly healthy young man and there is nothing wrong with the way you are." Her intentions were nothing short of good, but Samuel - or rather, Sam - wasn't having it. He was desperate to understand why his parents would think the witch cursed him. And maybe - just maybe - he could figure out a way to get the witch to fix him. He was determined to find out, but because he was homeschooled and rarely ever left home, he had practically no way of hearing the myth.

Until one faithful day, his aunt was sick. His uncle was at work and she needed medicine, so she sent 14 year old Sam into town by himself.  As he was walking into the market, a man came bounding around, claiming he met the witch. He was rambling about her, saying she cursed him and that he was going to die without proper help. He said he needed to find someone who could save him from the catastrophe he was about to endure. Everyone in the market ignored him, much to Sam's surprise. He was more than shocked to discover how intent people were to deny the stories and claims without first listening. So Sam bought his aunt's medicine and sat down with the man and listened to him tell the story of the witch.

"She was absolutely gorgeous," he stated, staring off into the distance with hollow eyes. He cleared his throat and shook hid head before continuing. "The legend has it that a man cursed at birth is said to become immortal upon gazing into her eyes. All others who come across her have thirty days to live." He held up his hand, a sixth finger resting next to his little finger. Sam eyed it curiously, looking back to the man as he continued to speak. "Your expression shows that you've never heard the tale. You must be the Kinder boy. It's easy to see why your parents thought you were the chosen one. Let me take you to her. See if it's true. Please, it may be my only hope of surviving this curse." Sam barely gave it a second thought. He agreed, promising he'd be back in that very spot at midnight.

When the time came around, Sam had second thoughts. What if he wasn't the chosen one? How would he tell his aunt and uncle that he was going to die? Or worse, what if he was the chosen one? Would he ever see his aunt and uncle again? It is a myth after all. He felt like there was a boulder weighing down on his chest, making breathing difficult and his heart ache. He left a short note for his family before jumping out his bedroom window and sneaking through the night.

The man looked extremely shocked to see Sam. He must've thought he was going to back out, but he was there and he was determined. They walked for what felt like miles through the dense forest, weaving around trees and rocks and small frog-filled ponds. It was peaceful to hear nothing but crickets and cicadas chirping away as they trudged through the tall grass of the forest. But alas, their tranquility could only last for so long.

Silence. The entirety of the forest behind them stopped, as though they'd passed through to another dimension. In all reality they had simply stepped into the mouth of a large cave, but there was something stopping the sound from coming in. A chill ran up Sam’s back and the place where his eye should be was aching. There was something sinister about the cave, but he persisted despite feeling as though he should run like hell.

“She’s just a little bit further,” the man whispered, taking quiet steps further into the darkness. There was a small flickering light a little ways away, giving Sam a sliver of hope. “Can you hear her song?” Surely enough, there was a quiet echo of music bouncing off the walls of the cave. He was barely able to hear it, but the melody was like tasting the nectar of the gods. He began to move quicker, eager to feed his ears with the soothing sounds of the witch’s voice.

The man seemed to become hysterical as they approached the flickering of a fire. The witch’s voice could be heard resonating throughout the large cavern, causing small rocks and pebbles to vibrate in such a way that they sounded like a harmony to her majestic song. If it weren’t for the man’s temper beginning to flare, Sam would’ve sat there all night and just listened. But alas, the man was beginning to yell for the witch.

“I’ve brought you the real chosen one!” he exclaimed. “It’s him! I swear! Now reverse this curse so I can go home to my family! Please, they can’t live without their father!” He persisted further into the cave, practically dragging Sam by the wrist. He continued yelling for the witch, shouting her name and following the sound of her singing. It seemed that every time they got to where her singing was the loudest, it would quickly decrescendo and begin coming from another part of the caves. The man only got angrier and angrier, his rage beginning to make Sam weary. He was being incredibly rude and disrespectful, and if the witch cursed him once for just being the way he was, he could only imagine how bad he might get it if he were shouting at her that way.

“Come out you coward!” he screamed at the roof of the large cavern. His words echoed off of every wall, every stalagmite, every stalactite, and every pool of water that the entire labyrinth of a cave system had to offer. The witch’s singing stopped, allowing the echo of the man’s shouting to resonate back to where they were standing. It got quieter as it traveled through the tunnels, but then it got louder, and louder still. The word “coward” seemed to be the only word that could be deciphered from the deafening sound of the man’s repetitive words. The stones that once vibrated with a gorgeous harmony sounded as though they were screaming. The entire room shook with his words. The roof of the cavern vibrated, letting out small tricklings of pebbles. Stalagmites began crumbling as stalactites began falling. Sam was on his knees, hands over his ears to stop the horrific sounds from deafening him. He glanced over to the man just long enough to see the blood leaking from his ears and the tears falling from his eyes before the ceiling let loose a torrent of rocks, crushing him where he stood. The sounds began to die down, and the moment that Sam thought he was safe was the moment he made his mistake. He collapsed onto the ground, taking in a deep, staggered breath when he heard the sound of one last stalactite fall.

And in one swift moment, he was pinned to the ground. He was like a piece of paper, the large chunk of rock impaling his lower back like a thumbtack. He couldn’t scream, his lungs were filling with blood. He could feel the warmth bubbling up his throat and dripping out of his mouth. He couldn’t feel his legs, he couldn’t feel his arms. The only thing he could feel was his overwhelming guilt and regret. His aunt and uncle took him in and raised him as though he was their own. They hid the story from him to protect him. He was so selfish that he found out the story from a stranger and agreed to follow him to some strange cave in the middle of the woods and not once did he consider the consequences. And look where it got him. He was stupid and naive to even think that it was remotely a good idea. And now he’d have to pay the price.

As he died, he imagined he could hear footsteps walking towards him, letting out a few mumbled nothings. After a few painful moments, his closed eye was beginning to illuminate green. He put in what little energy he had and opened his eye, only to be met face to face with the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. She had long ebony black hair and porcelain skin. Her doll-like face held the most beautiful eyes he’d ever seen. It was like she trapped a small part of the universe in her irises, swirling with pinks and purples and blues. She had her hand outstretched, a small lime green fire glowing in her palm. She looked disappointed.

“You have your mother’s eyes,” she stated sadly, kneeling down in front of him. “So blue that they make the Caribbean Sea feel inadequate. Your mother always loved making others feel inadequate.” Her last remark sounded resentful. If he wasn’t dying, he would’ve apologized on her behalf. The witch sighed. “You don’t deserve to die like this. This fool never should’ve dragged you out here, and you should’ve heeded your guardians’ warnings.” Sam would’ve cried if he had it in him. The witch sighed once again. “The villagers heard this cave system collapse. They’ll be coming to search for any survivors. I will spare your life, only under the condition that you remain hidden until found. Only the chosen one can see you, but if anyone else gets too close, you’ll be done for.” She knew he couldn’t speak, but she seemed to be able to hear his faint whimper of gratitude.

In a swift motion he was engulfed in the lime green of her magic, and when he opened his eye again, she was gone. He couldn’t feel his arms or legs, so he squirmed over to the nearest pool of water. He discovered that he had no arms or legs. He didn’t even have a body. He was just a bright green eye with irises as blue as they always were. He sat stunned in his place next to the reflective surface of the water, unable to take his eye off of himself. The sound of a man yelling into the cave scared him out of his trance, sending him into the water to begin his hiding.

He watched in fear as the group of men and women wandered around the cavern yelling things to each other that he couldn’t hear. It felt like eternities had passed as they moved rocks out of the way to reach the man who had led Sam into the caves. It wasn’t until a pair of bright blue eyes shown their way through the water and right at Sam that he began to really shake in fear. The pair of eyes got closer, the brightness of them getting stronger the closer the person got. 

In one quick motion, they picked up Sam and shoved him in their pocket. They told someone that they had to go back for supper and Sam could only assume that they bounded out of the cave. Once the crickets could be heard once again, he was grabbed out of the person’s pocket and held in their hands. The person inspected Sam, their glowing eyes dulling as they looked at him.

“I’m Sean,” the man stated. He eyed Sam expectantly. “You can call me Jack though. Are...are you a guardian angel?” He shrunk back in confusion. “M-my parents always told me that once I turned sixteen that my guardian angel would show itself to me. They said I was special, not everybody got them.” Sam was ready to hop out of his hands and run into the woods, never to be seen again. But he hesitated. What if this is what he was destined for? What if his aunt and uncle didn’t want him knowing about the witch because this was his destiny? This...as odd as it sounded, Sam felt that this is what the witch intended. He was to protect this boy for as long as he could, watch over him and make sure he survived.

He was the chosen one. And Sam was his guardian.

***