#he has always wanted the truth and he knows that

[livingasaghost]

i think one reason why so many people fail to understand andrew and neil's relationship is because people don't know what it is to be aspec. and obviously the aspec umbrella is wide and varied and no one size fits all, but at the heart of their relationship, neil is demisexual. and i fully believe andrew is some form of aromantic. and obviously their shared history of trauma (of all kinds) colors their relationship and their sexualities and actions. but aspec people (and the people in relationships with those aspec people) develop such different relationships than allo people. they care differently, and it's often the care that becomes most important, rather than (just) the attraction. like yes, i choose you because i see you because i am interested in you because i don't quite understand you but i want to, i need to, and i am committed to sticking around regardless of whether we are a legal partnership or not.

people argue all the time that andreil would grow to say i love you some day, that they'd eventually heal enough to get married, but that isn't healing. that's ignoring a vital part of each of them. not only are they both still learning what love is, but love is not what their relationship is built around. they did not ~FaLl In LoVE~ they built a partnership around taking care of the other person. sure they were attracted to each other in their own ways, but andrew doesn't look at neil like he's his happily ever after romance. neil is the person who wants andrew to live, who wants andrew to be happy, who wants andrew to know that he has value even when he's not a good person. and andrew is the person who wants neil to be safe, who wants neil to be happy, who wants neil to know that he has value even when he isn't playing exy. their "romance" comes from holding each other up, from calling each other on their shit, from being a safe space when the world has proven it is anything but. neil is the one who almost starts to imagine some kind of long-term partnership in such conventional terms and andrew is so unconcerned with what that partnership looks like...he just knows the two of them will continue holding each other up as long as they can. and sure they'll have sex and sleep in the same bed and get cats together and all that "romantic" shit, but it's more than romance. it's a life. it's security. it's a chance to rewrite the trauma of their pasts.

and yeah to an outsider all that is romantic, sure. but i don't think andrew and neil see it like that. their relationships is all facts and truths. they feel safest in these absolutes, in the trust they are building together, in the shared language they are crafting between tentative touches and long stares. but to label it something as banal as ~romance~ undersells just what's happening to them. they don't need to say i love you because they know that all of these pieces that make up their shared life together say that for them, and they wouldn't know what to do with those words anyway. their "love" is not the same as other people's anyway. they don't need to get married because anniversaries and dates and marriages minimize just how long forever is, and they are already joined together by the understanding they share.

if the two of them got married or started "dating" it would send the wrong message to people who will never understand. neil isn't andrew's ~boyfriend~ he's the man who convinced him that life can interesting enough to stick around for. andrew isn't neil's ~lover~ he's the man who refused to let him run away from the life he always wanted. it's not romantic, it's survival. it's selflessness. it's learning how to care for yourself by caring for someone else and letting them care for you.

[hairscare]

some of the people in the notes are being really ignorant and shitty so im bringing this back because its important now more than ever. if you want to be alternative stop buying mass produced bullshit. i dont care if it looks cool its not punk its not goth its not alt. what is alternative is doing whatever you can to combat capitalism and waste. wear your old clothes. thrift. diy. but for the love of god please stop going "oh but-" because i cannot impress upon you how much i dont care about you trying to justify what youre doing. alternative movements are about going against the mainstream, and that includes not supporting corporations. the look isnt whats important, its the mindset, but if you do want the look, get it through ethical means, dont buy hollow soulless "alt" fashion.

as for the people who are complaining about slc punk being hypocritical because its a hollywood movie... i genuinely dont even know what to say to that. yes, it is a hollywood movie, and yes, it was made on a budget. that doesnt mean that the film itself has no worth. drawing on my own experience with the movie, i originally only watched it because it had matthew lillard in it. id seen edits of it on tiktok and it looked fun, so i watched it on tubi (where it is still free as far as i know, it kind of goes on and off the platform but it always comes back). watching that movie completely changed my life because its message about performative rebellion vs actual rebellion within the alternative community was something i hadnt spent much time thinking about. the movie completely opened my eyes to that truth, and because of that ive changed myself for the better. slc punk has worth because it can inspire real positive change in the world like it did for me. i also want to point out that a lot of people complain about the ending where (spoilers) stevo stops dressing punk and goes to law school, and i say to those people that they are completely missing the point. just like mike, who realized he could make a larger impact doing ecological conservation rather than getting into fights and smashing cars, stevo is giving up the faux-punk scene to work on changing things in the world. hes using his privilege to become someone who can make things better, and for stevo, thats getting a law degree to fight for change. even if you dont like this ending, please understand the purpose of it: being punk isnt about how you look, its about what you do to change things

me and stevo talk about the commodification of alternative crowds

[adieutristana]

vanity; jinx x fem! reader

loosely inspired by this fic by @moshuka.

summary; jinx used her looks to flirt her way out of a situation. her girlfriend isn’t happy.

characters included; jinx

tags/warnings; nsfw, porn w (some) plot, sub!jinx, dom!reader, brat!jinx, mirror sex, rough sex, strap-on use, strap-on referred to as a dick/cock, hair pulling, crying, humiliation ig?, slight degradation, use of the word ‘whore’, size queen jinx, squirting

men and minors dni.

at first, you were worried.

jinx tends to get herself into dangerous situations more often than not, way too often for her own good. it's what she's known for, after all. jinx: the mad bomber. the loose cannon. zaun's princess.

but she has a way of getting herself out of those situations. her reflexes are impeccable, her strength nearly inhuman for someone of her stature. it is inhuman, considering the shimmer coursing through her veins. weapons that she's built herself regularly save her in battle, and most of all, she's got a smartass mouth.

one that usually comes in handy, but clearly not this time.

"jinx," you start. your arms are crossed over your chest, one hip popped. you're trembling in frustration- coming apart at the edges. "i heard you were flirting with some guy who cornered you. i'm gonna be graceful and hear you out."

she bristles, and the girl's breath catches.

"what i do depends on if i like what you have to say."

you'd heard from passersby on the streets gossiping about what jinx had done. nothing stays a secret for long in zaun; there's almost always a witness, someone who can't keep their mouth shut. people love to gossip, and with that, they love to twist the truth.

so you're hoping to janna above that what you'd heard was a simple rumor. jinx being cornered by one of smeech's goons. a new one, a guy seemingly too good for the likes of this line of work. apparently not. he'd threatened jinx, gotten close to her, nearly hurt her. but instead of her usual solution of whipping out her gun and pressing the cold barrel to someone's neck as a warning, she'd flirted.

told the guy that he's young, attractive, promising. he's too good for a business like this. if he'd just leave her alone, she'd let him go without any fuss, and there would be no mess to clean up. maybe they'd even cross paths again someday.

"i didn't mean any of it, toots," her hands are raised in a mock-surrender. "he was ugly, honest!"

"i didn't ask if he was ugly," you bite. you're inching closer to her, until your noses are nearly touching. the tone in your voice tells jinx you're not fucking around- yet that makes this all the more exciting for her. "i asked you to tell me what happened."

"i didn't do anything, just flirted a little. no harm done."

"you have a gun. why didn't you use that?" you push.

jinx huffs, rolling her eyes. it only serves to piss you off even more. "i just wanted to switch it up, yanno? try something new. and it worked, didn't it? didn't have to spill any blood or nothin'. no cleanup."

"so what i heard is true?"

"depends what you heard."

"oh, you-"

that's it. you take jinx's wrist, and just about drag her to her cot. she's giggling all the way, that signature shit-eating grin plastered on her face. you wish there was blood to clean up. although you know nothing happened- jinx wouldn't dream of being unfaithful to you, this feels calculated. like she'd done it on purpose, just to get under your skin. she was probably sitting in her hideout, just waiting for someone to start talking.

you want nothing more than to slap that grin off of her, make her grovel and apologize and make it up to you.

but you won't. with a quick motion, jinx is flung onto her cot. she gasps, but doesn’t move from her sitting position, doesn’t stop fucking grinning.

"come oooon! you're always telling me i'm soooo pretty. i’m like a work of art.” she comes to lazily toss around the end of one of her braids, playing with it the same way she’s playing with you. “maybe i just wanted to use that to my advantage.”

gods damn it.

you come to stand closer to jinx, looming over the girl. she’s still sitting on her cot, nice and pretty. she looks so innocent, so sweet, if you didn’t know any better, you’d think she actually was. too bad you do know better. your forefinger and thumb grasp her chin, forcing her to look at you. your thumb lazily traces along her plump bottom lip.

“oh, you’re pretty, alright.” your thumb pushes past her lips, flattening against her tongue. “gorgeous, even. but that doesn’t mean you go around using those looks like a fucking whore.”

jinx would be smiling right now, but her mouth is… occupied, not sucking, not licking at your thumb, but letting you do what you must. you withdraw it as quickly as it was put in, wiping her spit on her bare shoulder.

“you’re all talk,” she gasps. “not gonna do a damn thing about it, are you?”

“do you want me to?”

“sure.”

“do you deserve it?”

“does it matter?”

it’s then that you flip her onto her stomach.

“take those clothes off. get back on the cot- face down, ass up. i’ll be back.”

no time is wasted walking to another platform in her hideout and swiping the shattered mirror from one of her tables, and a strap-on from one of her drawers.

you place the mirror directly in front of jinx’s cot, and to no surprise, jinx is completely bare now. her perfect heart of an ass in the air, pussy nearly glistening in the dim light with her arousal. she’s braced herself on her hands, and she isn’t moving, but you can tell by the way her arousal is already dripping down her inner thighs that she’s eager.

it’s a sight straight out of a porn film. the mad bomber, desperate and wanton. maybe you’ll buy a polaroid camera for next time, really capture the moment.

“ugh, toots, are you just gonna stand there, or are ya gonna fuck me?” she whines, only interrupted by the sound of the harness fastening around your hips.

“you’re not exactly in a place to make demands right now.”

you lean over her, your breasts pushing into the smooth skin of her back and your lips almost touching her ear.

“‘revolver’, if it gets too much.” you whisper.

and with that, the tip pushes past her folds. bright pink and dusted with glitter, about 8.5in and girthy. a large task for a small girl, but jinx insists she can take anything you give her.

“hngh- fuck!” she whines out, already beginning to buckle. you’ve got one hand rested on jinx’s hip, the other trailing down her side- her shoulder, the grooves of her ribs, her tiny waist, until it finds purchase on her other hip and you push into her.

another lewd cry falls from her lips. you’re barely even halfway in, and she’s already panting and moaning so pitifully. maybe another day you would’ve taken pity on jinx, but not after the shit she pulled.

“come on,” you coo. “can’t take it?”

“i didn’t- agh, say that-” she pants. the girl’s form is beginning to tremble, but you don’t waver. you ram the rest of the toy into her hole, which brings a borderline pathetic wail from her. the way her greedy hole is impaled by your cock is a sight you wish you could burn into your mind. if she were on her back, you bet you'd be able to see it from inside her stomach, but that can wait for another time.

“fuck- fuck! too big!”

“too big, huh? should’ve thought about that before you went and threw yourself at some guy.”

you ease the strap out of her, before slamming it back in. positively prying your girlfriend open. you then take one of jinx’s long twin braids in your hands, looping it once around your wrist and yanking. forcing her to look up.

she gasps with the motion, yet somehow, she still has the willpower to defy you. squeezing her eyes shut and grunting. you jerk her braid farther back, jinx hissing at the stinging pain.

“look at yourself.” you demand.

it’s then that you move. a slow pace at first, in, out, in, out. drawing wet squelches from her cunt with every thrust. she’s shaking and thrashing and whining, but you can’t deny the way jinx’s cunt sucks you in, clenches around you. greedy and sopping, as if it was made to take your dick.

“aah, hhhng- oh! oh!”

your pace is quickening, and you can hear the skin of your hips slapping into her ass. jiggling ever so slightly with each movement, but the best thing is the mirror.

there’s multiple images of the scene in the shattered glass. the sight is something right out of a dirty magazine; you pounding jinx’s poor, abused pussy from behind. jinx struggling to support her upper body despite her strength, you tugging at one of her braids and forcing her to look directly at her reflection. small tits bouncing with each thrust, plump lips open and the slightest bit of drool dribbling down her chin.

“do you see it?” you pant, the base of the toy nudging your clit with each thrust. “the- hah, way you look right now? while i’m fuckin’ you?”

“yes,” she breathes out, her voice a high shrill. her strength is starting to fail her, shaking on her arms and eventually dropping down to her elbows to support herself. a smirk tugs at your lips at the sight, seeing jinx being broken down so quickly. she brought this on herself, really.

"f-fuck, you look a mess," snapping your hips against jinx's, pathetic whimpers and whines falling from parted lips like a stream. "feels good, huh?"

"feels- hmmph, so good!" she groans. her body is being forced forward and back ever so slightly with each motion, and to see herself being fucked in real time is both thrilling and downright humiliating. jinx never knew this is what she looked like, so wrecked and sloppy, but she can't be bothered to care right now. all she can care about is you fucking into her relentlessly.

arousal dripping down her inner thighs, a stinging sensation in her scalp while you hold onto her hair. she knew you'd get jealous if she flirted- expected a thorough spanking, maybe, or for you to sit on her face and use her mouth until you were satisfied. never did jinx think you'd force her into a front-row seat to her own punishment.

“you’re not gonna do that again- mm,” you groan, base rubbing against you so right. “are you? hngg- tell me you won’t.”

“i won’t, i won’t! unghh, i’m sorry!”

she nearly screams out. the pleasure is mounting, it’s painful, she’s being stretched open and almost split down the middle. but it’s so fucking delicious, the feeling of you fucking her so thoroughly. so deeply. tears are beginning to well in her eyes, her mascara already running down her cheeks. it’s filthy. the tip of the plastic dick kisses her cervix with each thrust, coated in sleek juices.

"oh- oh, please," she breathes out. her bangs are sticking to the thin sheen on her forehead, her breaths coming out in ragged gasps. "pleasepleaseplease-"

there it is. jinx is close, that much is obvious from her flushed expression, her straining against your grip, trying to push her hips back onto your cock like some needy slut. your own climax is building, but you want- need to see jinx get there first.

you reach underneath her with your free hand and press against her neglected clit, which draws a high-pitched squeal from jinx. you revel in the sound. right now, it’s as if jinx is an instrument, fine-tuned for your playing. making these beautiful, obscene sounds.

you can see hot tears running down her face in the mirror, lips parted and the pale expanse of her neck bared. her lipstick is smeared from the dribble running down her chin, and thin black streaks run down her cheeks.

“i’m- i’m gonna-!”

the girl doesn’t have time to finish her sentence before she squirts over your hand and the cot beneath her- coating you in light pink. she’s boneless, panting beneath you, collapsing as soon as you pull out of her and release her braid. she can’t muster up any words, she’s spent- laid on her stomach, sniffling and simply trying to breathe.

maybe next time, she won’t be so fucking vain.

[lethalchiralium]

Simon is a liar.

Well, it’s not that he lies often, but he does do it and you have no idea unless it’s with the girls. Getting them to sleep by telling them that they’ll get candy in the morning instead of eggs, telling them the tooth fairy has the day off on Fridays, and even telling his toddler that he goes and saves puppies some days instead of the world. He lies, but not without reason.

But as he follows you around as you shop, he feels the need to lie. Tell you that you look good in an ugly color dress just to get you to laugh. Deny that your grip on his hand hurts. Say that he doesn’t want another leather jacket, even though he does. He wants the one you keep showing him - nice detailing, shiny silver zipper, and thick lining to keep him warm. One that wasn’t ripping at the seams, has cigarette burns, or holes that dotted its worn flank.

“Simon, please, I just want to buy something nice for you.” You say, looking at him with those sweet eyes and genuine care.

He hates himself at that moment when he lies.

“I’m alright with what I got.”

The nod of understanding, knowing that pushing will not get you far, distressed him. He knows he shouldn’t be this way, that he should bend at the knees every time you even begin a sentence. But the leather jacket is something he can’t do that for, and he can’t stomach telling you the reason.

You pull out pretty dresses and tops to show him, he always agrees with the ones that make your eyes pop. Your hand squeezes his every time you walk back and forth in this little boutique and he knows quite well that you’re purposefully passing this perfect leather jacket multiple times. Exposure therapy.

He doesn’t like upsetting you. He knows you want him to have nice things instead of the worn down clothes he has, but he cannot allow himself to have better things when the money should be going towards his children and their needs. He can go without a new leather jacket, even if you had saved over the course of a year for it. He’d rather buy Winnie the dollhouse she really wants, buy Mellie the beanbag she always has him look up online, maybe even something for the baby like a new high chair. He could buy you a nice ring with that leather jacket money, even though you’d say no.

In a way, you two are the same.

You finally stop the games and stand next to the jacket, hand squeezing his impossibly tight before loosening. “Do you not like it?”

“It’s nice.”

“Then try it on.”

He shakes his head. “No, ‘m okay with this. We can use the money on you.”

Your shoulders droop, his heart hurts, and you softly murmur, “Why aren’t you letting me do this for you?”

He feels the need to lie, the itch that takes hold of his throat and shakes it. His head dips down, his eyes level with yours. “Because this jacket means a lot to me. Don’t want to start over with a new one.” Another lie, it doesn’t mean a lot, it means everything.

You stare at him for a while, digging in his eye with such a disappointed glare. Stiff, aggravated, but still docile. “What’s so special about holes and torn seams?”

“I first met you with this on.” He confesses. “First met Winnie with this on. Mellie fits in a wrap in it like a glove, and it was Tommy’s.” His hand comes to rest on your bump where the baby kicks lazily, your forehead rests against his.

In the back corner of a shop, he tells the truth. Says a prayer as he kisses you, thanks God when you finally see the ratty jacket for what it truly is - a symbol of loyalty.

Another kiss pressed against his lips before you move away, your hand brushes his hair away from his forehead before cradling his jaw. “That’s all you had to say. No more lies.”

Simon is a liar, it’s sometimes all he knows. A second skin, a way to protect the keloids made from wounds he suffered forever ago. But when he looks in your eyes, cradles your belly that grows his baby with a ring on his hand that matches your own, and lets you in his marred head, he can’t bring himself to lie to you.

“No more lies.”

[cameronsbabydoll]

FINDING OUT ♕ RAFE CAMERON ARRANGED MARRIAGE AU

WARNINGS: sexism, alcohol, and smoking

You and Rafe had known each other since childhood—not by choice, but by circumstance. Your father and Rafe’s father, Ward Cameron, were business partners—both powerful men who built their empires on power, money, secrecy, control, and manipulation. You knew very well that their business wasn’t built in a day; it had been passed down through generations, from their fathers and grandfathers, who had risen to power through corruption and dirty work, reaching a status other people could only dream of.

Growing up, you would walk downstairs in the princess gown your mother bought you, only to be met with hushed whispers and men in tailored suits huddled in deep conversation around the dining room table. And then there was Rafe Cameron—the Kook King, the golden boy of Figure Eight—who seemed to only speak in blunt truths. You and Rafe weren’t friends by any means, more like two spoiled children forced to be around each other while your fathers drank overpriced whiskey and discussed business deals. You knew his sister, though. The two of you weren’t best friends, but you were friendly. She was outgoing and fun, while you had always been more reserved and shy. Still, you often found yourself with her whenever your fathers were around.

Now, years later, you found yourself sitting at the same long, polished oak dining table in Tannyhill. Your mother had dressed you in a pale pink satin dress, which felt completely out of place as you sat beside her, the thick smoke of cigars floating above your head and creating a sense of dread in your stomach.

Ward Cameron sat at the head of the table, swirling the rim of his whiskey glass with his finger before finally pulling the attention to himself.

"Your father and I have been thinking for a while, and we’ve decided that the best way to strengthen our power and alliance is to bind our families together. Which is where you two come in," Ward said, his eyes darting between Rafe and your father, as if you weren’t even there. "So, we’ve arranged a marriage between the two of you. It’s the only way this can happen."

The swirling air of cigars felt heavier. Your chest tightened with his words. Marriage itself didn’t scare you, not at all. In fact, the idea had always sent you into a girlish state of planning every detail—from the exact cut of your ring to the names of your future children. But this was different. Instead of your dream man, it was Rafe Cameron—a man a few years older than you, a risk-taker, and, quite frankly, someone you could never have imagined marrying.

"You can’t be serious," Rafe said, his voice flat, void of emotion. "This has to be some sort of joke." He finished, slamming his bourbon glass onto the table.

"Your father and I never joke about business; you should know that by now," your father replied, pouring himself another glass of whiskey.

In your head, your thoughts raced. Why is this happening? Isn’t this outdated? Why am I not even part of this conversation? And why is everyone drinking bitter, old-fashioned alcohol but me?

But you already knew the answer to that—you had only just turned twenty, and it wouldn’t be ladylike, would it?

"And quite frankly, it doesn’t matter if you don’t want to do this," Ward continued. "We’ve already started the arrangements. The venue is booked, and the process is underway. I’d appreciate it if you learned a lesson from your future wife about not questioning your father."

The attention was suddenly on you. Lifting your eyes slightly from your lap, you felt the burning stares of the three men.

Your father looked at you with a sense of pride—not for who you were, but for your silence. Ward was watching you closely, as if expecting your compliance to influence Rafe’s resistance. And Rafe? He was looking at you like you were the mastermind behind this whole thing—as if you were the culprit of the situation.

"Well, that’s because she’s already playing into the compliant wife role, isn’t she?" Rafe scoffed, his knuckles turning white. "I’m not going to sit here, keep my eyes on my lap, and stay silent like some obedient puppy." Though his voice was sharp, there was something uncertain in his words—like a question buried beneath his frustration.

You knew better than to answer.

You had learned early on never to question your father—or any man who held power, for that matter. So, instead of speaking up like any normal woman might, you remained in your seat, forcing your mind to drift to something—anything—positive about this situation.

The only thing that came to mind was the wedding itself. The dresses. The dream ring. The excitement of planning.

You didn’t even notice your mother pulling your hand into hers, "How about the two of us girls leave and start talking about the more important things—dresses, color themes, and more wedding planning? You all can finish talking business," she suggested.

Your father nodded without sparing you so much as a glance.

Your mother led you to the living room, where Rose, Rafe’s stepmother, sat with a cup of tea, flipping through a wedding planner.

"Oh, I’m glad you two managed to escape that conversation; I’m sure it was dreadful," Rose said with a soft smile. "Please, sit. Your mother and I have already been going over some ideas for the wedding, but we figured you should have most of the control. It’s the least we can do, considering this whole... situation." She reached for your hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze before setting a baby blue binder on your lap.

"W-Wow... you guys really started planning," you muttered, your thumb tracing the engraved words Wedding Planner on the cover. "Is there some kind of order we should go in? L-Like, I know you all want the... wedding to happen soon...?" You trailed off, lifting your gaze from the binder to the two women.

Your mother let out a soft chuckle, placing her hands over yours. "Well, that’s one way to put it, sweetie. I figured we’d start with the ring and the dress, and we’d plan the colors and theme around that."

A small smile tugged at your lips. "Y-Yeah... that sounds good. When can we go?"

Rose and your mother exchanged glances before Rose beamed."How about tomorrow? And if we don’t find anything, we can always order some custom dresses or travel to find the perfect one!"

"That sounds amazing, actually," you giggled, closing the binder and setting it down on the glass coffee table.

Your mother squeezed your hand gently, her expression warm. "I’m glad, honey. We’ll make a day out of it—shopping, wedding planning, maybe even a spa visit."

Rose placed her tea cup on the table and nodded. "Perfect! We’ll leave tomorrow around ten. You two should get some rest now—I’ll let your father know."

You gave Rose a small, grateful smile. "Thank you, Rose. I’m excited for tomorrow."

As you and your mother left the Cameron estate, she drove home—a short trip filled with comfortable silence.

When you arrived, you bid her goodnight, thanking her before heading upstairs. You climbed the grand staircase, undressed from the upscale dress into a nightgown, and finally lay your head against your silk pillows.

With a deep breath, you let your thoughts drift to some far-off fantasy, whispering to yourself a quiet hope that maybe—just maybe—it would all be okay.

TAGLIST: @vanessa-rafesgirl @lolasangelz @malibuhearts @popou61

[aayakashii]

FINALLY IT'S ALMOST OVER but, I'll be posting Valentine's Day themed headcanons for each House in Tokyo Debunker!

All prompts come from this post here ♡

And dividers are from @saradika-graphics 🫶

Taglist: @wannaberecluse @cupcakesmoothie

Frostheim | Vagastrom | Jabberwock | Sinostra | Hotarubi | Obscuary | Mortkranken

Valentine's Day in Obscuary

Ed

how does he show affection?

You will never know true privacy ever again, and that is not an exaggeration. He simply latches onto you and never lets you go. He WILL be staying in your room whether you allowed it or not, he WILL link his arms with yours whenever you're walking somewhere and he WILL complain about the harsh sunlight everyday (you tell him he could just stay in Obscuary and you'd visit him later, but he refuses, saying human life is fleeting so he can't afford to waste a single second without you. Good luck).

does he like hugs? what are his hugs like?

He likes them, but his version of a hug is draping himself over you in a dramatic fashion – whether it's when he's "feeling unwell" or when he just wants all your attention to himself, Ed leans all of his body weight onto you, hands squeezing and petting everywhere he can reach. You have to pry him off of you when you two are in public, lest you want some Frostheim student clutching their pearls as they watch the vampire and his less-than-appropriate behavior.

is he good at flirting? how does he flirt?

Depends on what you think it's good flirting. Are you attracted to centuries old vampires that like to murmur innuendos in your ear while constantly invading your personal space? If yes, then Ed is the perfect man for you. If not, well... you might need to have a long, serious talk with him (spoiler: he won't change).

is he good at gift - giving or does he struggle to get it right?

His gifts are always a coin toss. He can either surprise you with a beautiful, vintage trinket from times of yore he has carefully kept safe for centuries, or he can straight up just gift you a one month subscription to his favorite twitch streamer. It's best if you just tell him the things you want – he might whine and tell you he has no money (even though he gives superchats to his oshis like. every day), but he will relent eventually and find a way to give you whatever you wanted in the end.

is he quick or slow to give his heart away?

Slow. His behavior sometimes makes everyone forget about it, but Ed has been alive for longer than anyone can understand. He's had family, friends, and lovers – now, all fading memories due to the passage of time. He intimately knows the horrid pain of losing a loved one time and time and time again. Going through something like that again isn't on his plans – he doesn't see the beauty in what's ephemeral anymore. So it takes him a long time to come to terms with his feelings. He might try to pressure you into letting him turn you into a vampire though.

does he find ‘i love you’ easy or hard to say?

Easy, but it takes some time for it to be genuine. Like most things in his life, words have become trivialized as well. He's forgotten the weight of them, finding it easy to say "I love you" as a way to tease and aggravate you (or Rui or Lyca). As he begins to accept his own feelings for you, however, it becomes less and less frequent – he sees truth in his own words, and it's alarming. Not to mention, he has cried wolf one too many times: the next time he says it, he wants you to finally believe in his love as much as he believes in it himself.

does he get jealous in a relationship?

Not really, but he'll never ever miss the chance of making a scene and putting on his drama queen crown whenever he sees you talking with some other guy. You might even think he IS jealous, but his plans are more mischievous than you expect. It's almost impossible for Ed to feel threatened, honestly – he's lived many lives, and he's tired now; jealousy requires a lot of energy and he just doesn't have it in him anymore.

what is his ideal date?

Diving into the most random rabbit hole on YouTube and spending all day together watching videos about it and discussing them all while cuddling on his bed (after deep cleaning his room, of course...). Soon, you and Ed will be extremely knowledgeable on the most niche subject possible, and no one will be able to decipher what the hell you two are talking about – and Ed wouldn't have it any other way.

would he ask the big question or expect their partner to?

He genuinely doesn't think about marriage. What is forever to someone who never dies? Unless you are willing to let go of your humanity and turn into a vampire to stay with him in his eternity, marriage won't be a reality for the both of you. He won't make promises if you aren't going to fulfill yours.

how does he feel about valentine’s day?

He thinks it's an interesting little human creation but doesn't really partake in it (besides watching Valentine's themed streams). If you care a lot about the date, however, he might have his curiosity piqued – after all, it's the perfect excuse to obnoxiously cling onto you without receiving any complaints. It's Valentine's Day after all!

does he get protective easily?

He wouldn't call it protectiveness, but it's what it would seem like to anyone who observed him. Ed is always watching, keeping himself in the shadows or in the corner of your vision. He steps in when needed, nothing more, nothing less. He has saved you from more predicaments than you will ever know, but you don't need to. There's no need for fanfare nor ostentation. He's too tired for that.

does he believe in true love?

He used to, centuries ago. Rekindling a fire that has been out for longer than any human can conceive seems like an impossible task... but you seem to be special. Why don't you take a shot?

Rui

(Like with Zenji, in these headcanons, Rui's curse has been broken, so it's not too angsty)

how does he show affection?

He could do anything and everything for you. You only need to ask. He wants to grant your every wish – be it some food or drink you want to try, clothes you want to buy or even just keeping you company whenever you need him. He wants to be your chaperone, your student partner, your helper, your date, your best friend – he wants to be dedicated to you, ready to be all yours whenever you want him. All he asks is for you to allow him to hold you in his arms as he does so.

does he like hugs? what are his hugs like?

LOVES them. He is constantly placing his arm around your shoulders or your waist, always ready to pull you even closer. His hugs are tight and almost suffocating – Rui presses you against him as if he's afraid you could turn into sand between his fingers. His hands trace circles on your back, soothingly; you just don't know if he's trying to soothe you or himself.

is he good at flirting? how does he flirt?

You know he's great. However, Rui flirts shamelessly and openly with anything that breathes, which, consequently, prevents you from believing his words whenever his attention is on you. It actually frustrates him greatly. He begins to wonder if he should change his whole behavior only to have you finally flustered when he winks at you or blows you a kiss. After all, his charm isn't working with the one person he wished to impress.

is he good at gift - giving or does he struggle to get it right?

He's great at it. He can barely wait for Valentine's Day to arrive so he can give you the enormous basket full of gifts he has assembled for the past WEEKS. He knows absolutely all your tastes, and he will show off, eager to receive some praise from you as you rummage through all the things he's collected to give you. He'll be even more elated if you wear all the accessories and clothes and perfumes he's given you – he feels like an even bigger part of your day when you do so.

is he quick or slow to give his heart away?

Despite how freely he flirts with everyone, Rui is slow when it comes to falling in love. He's very aware, though, of what happens in his heart once he begins falling for you. He knows his words are more truthful than they used to be; he knows his voice is tinged with a sadness that only someone who's in love can understand. At a certain point, his flirting becomes some form of masochistic punishment to himself – you don't know how much he wants you to believe him, and he can't stop reaching out for you, only to be met with your distrust. He had to plan thoroughly how to convince you of the honesty of his feelings, but at this point he was ready to rip out his bleeding heart and present it to you.

does he find ‘i love you’ easy or hard to say?

It's easy, although the occasion changes as he falls in love with you. Right as he met you, it was easy: he would say it whenever he wanted to compliment you, thank you, or just as a greeting. As his feelings grew stronger and more real, however, he began saying it only when you were in his arms – his lips close to your ears as he inhaled your scent. Those three words became the culmination of his emotions; the utmost truth he only allows himself to say with the solemnity of a man pledging his soul to his deity.

does he get jealous in a relationship?

A little bit. He doesn't let it fester, though. If someone looks like they're trying their chance with you, he's quick to appear by your side and pull you closer with his arm on your waist. He maintains a perfect smile, but you can see how it never reaches his eyes, a subtle twitch of his eyebrows being the only sign of his carefully contained anger. You squeeze him even closer to you, and his shoulder slump. How can he stay mad at some random asshole when he has his cutie by his side?

what is his ideal date?

He wants a little cliché date: an afternoon at a cafe, then a visit to a bookstore so you two can point out titles and he can learn even more about your tastes. If you want to, he'd be more than happy to follow you around at a trinket store as well, elated to see your excitement as you point out plushies and toys to him. While you have fun poking around and showing him anything that you find cute or interesting, he has fun watching all your reactions.

would he ask the big question or expect their partner to?

He would love to ask it. He wants to make a show (only for you) out of his proposal. He genuinely thinks you deserve all of the effort he can muster. Rui won't mind if you propose, though. He will probably malfunction for a little while, before his brain catches up on the fact that you just asked him to spend the rest of his life with you. Don't worry, though. He wants it more than anything else in his life.

how does he feel about valentine’s day?

He LOVES it. He's looking forward to it months before the date (probably started the countdown since December). He was already quite used to receiving chocolates and confessions every year, but he couldn't care less about it this time. All he's thinking about is whether or not he'll get a chocolate from you and how much he wants to give you your gifts. The rest doesn't matter.

does he get protective easily?

A little. He's very open when it comes to expressing his concerns about your safety. He asks you to send him text messages to update him on your day or if you need something from him. Calls you just to know if you've arrived safely at class or at your dorm. He accompanies you wherever you go if he's available. He may be busy, but he tries his best to be as present as possible in order to protect you from all the dangers lurking in Darkwick.

does he believe in true love?

He does and has always believed in it. For the longest time, he thought he was simply doomed not to ever find it. With you, he finally feels safe enough to allow himself to believe in it again.

Lyca

how does he show affection?

Another clingy one for the books. Not to be too redundant, but Lyca does follow you around like a lost puppy does to its owner. It doesn't matter when classes start, nor where they happen – he will be there, waiting for you. He's always right next to you during all of your meals, glaring at anyone who tries to join you (except, probably, Subaru). His bright golden eyes are always following your every movement, glinting with satisfaction when your attention is entirely focused on him. He drops whatever he's doing if he catches the faintest whiff of your scent. You're his favorite person, and he explicitly proves it to you every day, even though it's mostly subconsciously on his part.

does he like hugs? what are his hugs like?

He loves them, but he's too embarrassed to ever give you a hug. The only moment in which he slithers his way into your arms of his own accord is when he's feeling under the weather – when only your comfort can bring him back to his usual mood. Besides that, you're the only one who's always taking the initiative and pulling him down for a hug. He wiggles and squirms under your iron grip, stuttering about how embarrassing it is to have you holding him like that, but deep inside, he's just relieved that his tail isn't visible otherwise it'd be wagging a mile per second.

is he good at flirting? how does he flirt?

Poor baby. No, he doesn't know how to flirt at all. He can barely voice his feelings properly without getting dizzy and a bit sick. However, sometimes he does say he likes you, though it is through unrecognizable mumbles, fidgeting hands, and grumpy pouts.

is he good at gift - giving or does he struggle to get it right?

His gifts consist mostly of him giving you his own artworks. If he notices you like a plant, or an animal, or a place, he starts working on drawing it as meticulously as possible, just for you. He'll hardly try to give you anything else and will probably be very self-conscious if you mention other types of gifts, so... Let him show his appreciation for you in his own way, at least for a while.

is he quick or slow to give his heart away?

He's a little bit slow. Lyca is extremely guarded when it comes to anyone he doesn't know. It takes a little while for him to open up and get used to your presence. It takes him even longer to understand that he likes you in a way that's different from the way he likes his other friends. He might need a nudge, someone to explain to him what those feelings are in his chest whenever he's with you. However, Lyca won't ever confess to you straightforwardly. He lets his emotions show through his actions, through his eagerness to please you and how he's always seeking your company. You might be the one who needs to find out he has given his heart to you. Let's hope you aren't clueless like him.

does he find ‘i love you’ easy or hard to say?

Terribly hard. Lyca had very little chances to develop emotionally during his formative years. Years of fighting for survival, and then isolation, chipped away at his ability to feel his emotions properly. Being thrusted into a whole new reality without preparation nor professional help didn't magically fix his attachment issues. He has a lot of work to do before he even manages to feel things without trying to bury them deep into himself, let alone voice them. But you know him, and you know he loves you in his own way. You can wait.

does he get jealous in a relationship?

Oh, very much so. More than just jealousy, he's constantly afraid that you'll leave him on his own or choose someone else over him. Anyone and anything is a threat. Lyca probably doesn't realize what he's feeling, nor why it brings him so much grief to watch you have fun with someone else. All he recognizes is that unexplainable anger brewing inside his chest. He stomps his way towards you, lips pulled back into a snarl, his chest hurting something fierce. He only calms down once you brighten right as you spot him and immediately try to include him in whatever activity you're doing.

what is his ideal date?

He would love to spend a whole day drawing and painting with you. If you don't know how to do any of these things, he'd be more than happy to teach you. You'd probably have to get all the art supplies beforehand, but it would be worth it – you'd be surprised to know that Lyca is, in fact, a very good and patient teacher (and he loves to be dependable).

would he ask the big question or expect their partner to?

Lyca has never thought about it. Barely knows the existence of it. If you think you two are ready for such a commitment, then you'll have to ask him. Or you can explain the concept of marriage to him and plant the little seed of this idea into his brain. He might end up immediately proposing to you, though, without much preparation or thought. He doesn't complicate things. If marriage is between two people that like each other, then you two can simply do it right away, right?

how does he feel about valentine’s day?

Much like the wedding thing, he never thought about it, nor does he care. You can explain it to him, but he might just grumble about "weird human culture". If it's important to you, however, he can try to give it a little more attention.

does he get protective easily?

VERY. If Lyca catches the slightest whiff of bad intentions coming from someone (quite literally, in his case), he WILL jump in front of you and growl at the person until they leave you alone. He has no qualms with scaring everyone away if it means he will keep you safe. Sometimes, you might need to rein him in so he won't try to scare your friends as well, but then he looks at you with those puppy eyes, apologizing for spooking them away, and it's hard to stay mad at him.

does he believe in true love?

Rui has read him stories about it – those things called fairytales. If it's in a book, then it might be real, right? Isn't that how it's supposed to work? So yes, he does believe in it. And you're even more reason to believe.

[menlove]

"Life After the Bastards: 30 Years On, Macca Tells All"

"Blamed for the break-up for the biggest band in history, Paul McCartney downsized rapidly to cultivate a successful pop smallholding. Yet a bountiful solo career was always dominated by two famous partners, he tells Paul Du Noyer."

i said i'd do this ages ago and then the horrors happened, but this is a written up version of an interview by paul du noyer with paul mccartney from mojo's july 2001 issue.

sidenote: this seems to be the source for the claim that john thought "dear boy" was about him, which is why i bought the magazine because i haven't been able to find a digitized version of the interview and wanted to get the context. but it's a very fascinating interview just in general so it's definitely worth a read!

Wings were a band who seldom felt the feathery end of the critic's quill, but this year we're seeing Paul McCartney's biggest effort so far to rehabilitate the second most popular group he ever belonged to. He's released a double-CD and a documentary, both called Wingspan, that tell the story as he would like it told. And you soon realise that there's more than a muso's pride at stake in this project. "The great thing is," he says, "it vindicates Linda. I know she wanted to do the Wingspan thing. She knew if it was laid out correctly, people would get the idea. With all the slagging off she got, like the famous tape at Knebworth..." (This illicit cassette, from the mixing desk of a live show at the outdoor venue, was for years a dependable source of satirical mirth in music business circles; Linda McCartney's off-key vocals circumnavigate the chorus notes of Hey Jude, while anonymous engineers hoot cruelly.)

"The truth was," her loyal widower continues, "she was doing this (he stands, raises his hands to clap above his head). She was being the big cheerleader: 'Hey Jude, naah-naah-na.' But you don't see the visual, you just here this out-of-tune voice, and I know she always wanted the record put straight. And this does. You see her playing. You hear her singing beautifully. And you see what she was to the group. You see why she had to be in the group. She becomes the ballsiest member of it..."

He settles back on the sofa, here in the Soho office of his MPL company. Around his neck is a slim pink tie of the kind that Elvis used to wear. On his feet are trainers that look less like a gesture to trendiness than a concession to comfort. Just behind him is the Art Deco statuette that appears on a couple of Wings LP sleeves. The other great thing about the Wingspan film, he says,was being interviewed by his daughter Mary. (That's her face you can see, peeping out from Dad's jacket on the cover of the first solo LP, 31 years ago.) "I'd never had such a long natter with her, as doing this. And I used to say to my kids, You're the only ones who never ask me about The Beatles. Their friends would come round and say, 'What was it like being in The Beatles?' I'd go (adopts pompous old git voice), Well, let me tell you... And my kids would all go out the room: 'Oh bloody hell, he's off...' That's how kids are, they don't want to hear about that shit. But their friends would, so I'd chunder on..."

In fact he chunders on about The Beatles a lot more than you might expect. Or about one Beatle in particular, at least. The World's Most Famous Living Liverpudlian is anything but reticent when it comes to the World's Most Famous Dead Liverpudlian. It's quite contrary of him, because for the first 20 years after the group split up, he showed a stubborn reluctance to discuss the subject with his interviewers. They wanted to ask about John Lennon; he wanted to discuss Back To The Egg... Then came a reconciliation with his past that culminated in the Anthology exercise, when the moratorium on Beatle-talk was entirely lifted. And now, in 2001, when the promotional agenda has switched back to Wings, you almost have to coax him off the subject of John Lennon. Is it just force of habit, or maybe the need to exorcise some kind of long-nosed, bespectacled, sharp-tongued ghost inside his head?

Taste restrains Paul from claiming any posthumous victories over John, though it's no secret that he still has some differences with Yoko that are as wide as the Atlantic that normally separates them. But he can't resist smiling at the irony of Lennon spending his last few years championing the sort of domestic cosiness that was once a derided part of the McCartney stereotype.

"Yeah, it's lovely. But you're right to say they were stereotypes. Everyone thought John was the hard, working class hero. As you know, if you look at his house, he was actually the middle class one, from Woolton. We were the scruffs. He had the full Works Of Winston Churchill: nobody any of us knew had that. A set of encyclopedias was the most that anyone in our class had. But he had The Works Of Winston Churchill, and he'd read 'em, I think.

"There were so many stereotypes of John. And I love the fact that in the end- it's one of the great blessings of my life, seeing as he got shot- that during the last year, we made it up. Thank God for that. I would be just so fucked up now, if I'd still been arguing with him and that had happened. I was thinking about it just the other day. It was cool that I'd started ringing him. We'd had a bread strike over here and I rang him and I was saying, What are you doing? He says, 'I'm breaking some bread.' Oh! Me too! Imagine, with the stereotypes, John and Paul talking about baking bread. He'd just had Sean, and he was talking about just padding round the apartment in his dressing gown, putting the cat out and changing the baby.

"And I'd been doing all of that, and as you say, I'd been stereotyped for it. It was really warm to be able to talk to him that ordinarily, finally. It was like we'd got back to where we'd been when we were kids. It was like we could actually talk about stuff that didn't matter, but somehow it did matter..."

Back in 1970 neither John nor Paul, nor George or Ringo, would find The Beatles an easy beast to walk away from. Paul and Ringo seem to be at peace with it now; John would probably have become so; George never has. Besides the legal wranglings and the personal rancour that persisted between them for a while, there was the unique problem of getting used to living in a world that you no longer ruled.

Pop in the 1960s was like a pyramid. At the top obviously, were The Beatles. Around them and just below, were Dylan, the Stones, the deposed King Elvis, and so on down to the broad base of innumerable also-rans. But pop in the 1970s was more like range of mountain peaks, topped by anyone from Elton John to the Sex Pistols. There was also no unified hierarchy any more, and there hasn't been one since. McCartney can't have found the new world order an easy proposition. But he overcame his doubts the same way that he overcame his blacker periods in The Beatles. In other words, he worked.

It's one of those first post-mop top albums that we discuss in detail today. McCartney (1970) and Ram (1971) were curiously anti-climatic in their day. The first was home-grown, small-scale, contentedly modest, like a record made for his private diversion. The second was sprawling and eccentric, full of unfinished tunes and nonsense rhymes. This was an era when former Beatles were still expected to return from the mountain bearing tables of stone (which Lennon and Harrison certainly attempted to do), not these gaudy, giggling indulgences. Three decades later, McCartney and Ram have endured far better than anyone expected.

It's typical of McCartney, though, that he's still insecure about their worth. He has a peculiar, wrong-end-of-the-telescope way of assessing his talent. He tries to talk up McCartney by telling you that "Dave Stewart really likes it", or boasts that a hippy van driver once yelled across the LA traffic, "Ram! Great album dude!" Recently his girlfriend Heather Mills put it this way: "He is a genius but doesn't realise it, which is delightful."

Towards the end of The Beatles you were dying to get back to playing live in a band, weren't you? But your first move is to go the opposite way and do a totally solo album.

Yeah. I couldn't have another band because I wasn't sure The Beatles had actually broken up. It was on the cusp: we hadn't broken up when I started it, so it was just me doing some solo stuff. And then we had broken up, but things hung on. It basically started from John's decision to leave the band, which came when I said I think we should get back together and do some little gigs. And he said, "Well I think you're daft and I wasn't going to tell you until after we signed the Capitol deal but I'm leaving the band." (Mimes an axe falling) That was, like, The Moment The Beatles Broke Up. But it wasn't in the open until a few months later, when I issued the McCartney album and did this press release with it, which virtually had the announcement. I finally blew the whistle on it. And John was annoyed, even though he hadn't said anything. It turns out, he told me later, that he wanted to be the one who announced it. He was jealous that I beat him to it. But I felt that three or four months was enough to wait around. Either we were just going to fuck about for another year, or we had to actually say to people, "You know what? About three or four months ago we actually broke up." So that was how that happened.

So in your head, The Beatles were still together when you were making McCartney. Whereas the outside world heard it as "What Paul did after leaving The Beatles." I think it seemed a strangely low-key record, as a result.

No. It was on the cusp. There were a lot of funny things around at the time. Allen Klein: he was the one I wanted to sue to get out of it all. But everyone said, "He's not party to any of the agreements, he's just an outside guy. So you'll have to sue The Beatles." So I got into this terrifying thing of having to sue them, scared more than anything of the fact that, as you say, people would just see this album come out, hear my announcement and then hear I was suing The Beatles, without knowing any of the context. So I knew I was in for problems. And I tired my best in the press to say, "Oh, blah blah blah, it was Allen Klein, blah blah." So it was a shitty time for me. The only option was to either let him take it all, and the guys just swim along with him, or fight it. He said I was fine, "Don't worry, McCartney loves me" and all of this. And I knew I was hating the bastard. But to get out of him I had to sue the guys. And, as you know, Liverpool, the mates, no matter how much we were arguing, it's one thing you don't ever want to have to do. So I knew the perception of me would, like, be deadened from there on in. And I suppose in many ways I've been fighting that for 20 years. But it was a clear choice: do that and possibly save it all- or even lose it and pay the lawyers' bills, which was not a terrific option- or just let Klein take it all. 'Cos the others were just with him, gung ho. So I took the option of suing him and had to live with that perception, including: "This is what Paul's done as his first move after leaving The Beatles." Which was actually the nicest bit of the perception: I did an album after The Beatles, so what? The worst thing for me was, I sued my best mates. But the thing is, looking back on it, they now say "Thank you, you got us out of it, we wouldn't have Apple, there'd be no Anthology, no I record, it'd all be in someone else's pocket now." It was the right thing to do, but I knew I was walking into the Valley of the Shadow of Death. Very scary, but it was one of those moments in your life when you have to do it.

And, of course, we were hearing McCartney just after Abbey Road, which was at the opposite extreme.

Very produced, yeah.

Despite the problems going on around it, McCartney sounds a pretty cheerful affair.

Yeah, it was, because of Linda. I was just starting with Linda and in my mind the album was my escape from it all. I'd get home, new baby, that joy... any readers who've got a new baby, it transforms your life. I hadn't had a baby before, though we had Heather from Linda's first marriage. Home was a great solace for me, and making this record was "Yeah, this is what I love to do." The rest, outside, was shit, but coming inside it was like a little cocoon. So I either made the album all at home or went down to a little studio in Willesden. Lin and the baby in the control room. Young married life is a very special time. And I always liked doing things on my own. I was the kid in Liverpool who sort of went on a bus to the next stop, to Penny Lane, and got off and just looked around: "Who lives there?" I still like that, it's in my personality to just go somewhere and watch people. Last night I took the Tube home. We went to the theatre, couldn't get a taxi anywhere in the West End. I really get a charge off that. George never used to. His dad was a bus driver. I'd say to him, even when we were famous, I love getting on a bus. He'd say (astonished), "The bus? Why? You've got a car!" But you're just looking at people. And now of course, with fame, they're looking at me a bit.

There's one or two on the Tube last night, cracking up laughing. Guy in a baseball cap, decides he's got to cool himself out, pull it together, gets off at the same stop: "All right mate? Good luck!" So that's where the record got its happiness. And when the time came to release it, I finally had to deal with Mammon, which was Apple. Ring them up and say, "Er, can I have a release date?" Neil [Aspinall] gave me a date. I was kind of boycotting Apple, and Suddenly Mammon decided to change my release date for (adopts sarcastic tone) the massive Let It Be album. And I'm, "You fucking bastards! I've got a release date worked out! How can you do this?" I can't remember what happened, but I certainly shouted loud enough. So it was Rage Against The Machine, me against them. That's why it was a good album for me, and it's pretty funky, some of the little pieces like Momma Miss America have a great sound on them. I was like a professor in his laboratory. Very simple, as basic as you can get, a joy to make. (Scans the tracklist) Teddy Boy was good, I'd tried to make that with The Beatles but no one was having much patience with me. Maybe I'm Amazed was about the biggest song on it. And Kreen-Akrore was about an Amazon tribe I'd seen, who were fighting for survival, I went into the studio and recorded the sound of a bow and arrow going past the mike. Even now that album has an interesting sound. Very analogue, very direct.

The next album, Ram, is famous for its supposed attacks on John and Yoko, isn't it?

Well, Too Many People was a bit of a dig at John, because he was digging at me. We were digging at each other in the press. Not harsh, but pissed off with each other, basically.

Have I misheard, or does it really start with the words "Piss off"?

Yeah. Piss off, cake. Like, a piece of cake becomes a piss off cake. And it's nothing, it's so harmless really, just little digs. But the first line is about "too many people preaching practices". I felt John and Yoko were telling everyone what to do. And I felt we didn't need to be told what to do. The whole tenor of the Beatles thing had been, like, each to his own. Freedom. Suddenly it was, "You should do this." It was just a bit the wagging finger, and I was pissed off with it. So that one got to be athing about them. Once you start, the ball starts rolling. There was a picture that we had for Hallowe'en of the two of us in silly masks that we picked up at a kids' shop in New York. I'm Wimpey out of Popeye, and Linda was another character which looked a bit Oriental. We heard later that they thought that was a dig at them, but it actually wasn't. So when John did a piss-take [in a postcard given away with his Imagine LP], he held a pig instead of the ram. This wasn't posed. Me and Linda decided to catalogue all our sheep, so there's a photograph of me holding every bloody sheep in the flock. Over 100 of them. I was supposed to be cropped out.

Is that where the title came from?

I remember driving up to Liverpool at some point and deciding that Ram would be a good title for an album, then the picture came, and you can "ram" a door down, and a "ram" is a male, like a stag. It just seemed like a good word. Monkberry Moon Delight I liked, so much so that it's in my poetry book. "My long-haired lady." Very '70s. Ram On is a cute little thing on a ukelele, 'cos I used to carry one around with me in the back of New York taxis just to always have music with me. They thought I was a freak, those taxi-drivers. Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey was an epic thing, a Number 1 in America, surprisingly enough. I like the bit that breaks in: "Admiral Halsey notified me, da-da-da, had a cup of tea and a butter pie." It's a bit surreal, but I was in a very free mood. I like all of that. It must have freaked a few people, 'cos it was quite daft. Back Seat Of My Car is very romantic: "We can make it to Mexico City." That's a really teenage song, with the stereotypical parent who doesn't agree, and the two lovers are going to take on the world: "We believe that we can't be wrong." I always like the underdog.

I think John might have taken Dear Boy as an attack on him.

Dear Boy wasn't getting at John. Dear Boy was actually a song to Linda's ex-husband. "I guess you never knew what you had missed." I never told him that, which was lucky, because he's since committed suicide. And it was a comment about him, 'cos I did think, "Gosh, you know, she's so amazing, I suppose you didn't get it.

The LP sounds like you had more tunes lying around than songs to use them in. A lot of the tracks are like medleys of different ideas.

Yeah, Long Haired Lady goes off a bit, Back Seat Of My Car goes off a bit, Big Barn Bed comes off Ram On, that's right.

No writer's block at that point, then?

No, I've been very lucky about writer's block, touch wood. It occurred to me the other day that me and John never sat down on, what was it, 295 songs me and John wrote? And on those 295 occasions, we never came away without a song, which is fucking phenomenal. The only time we nearly did, was Golden Rings, which became Drive My Car. It was "duh-duh duh-duh golden rings..." Um, this is not gonna compute. Finally, we had a ciggie and a cup of tea and our humour came back and Drive My Car came out of that. Some people analyse songwriting. I've never known about it. It's fingers crossed, every time I sit down to do it. I just dive right in and hope for the best, and it seems to work.

Were you feeling in competition with the other ex-Beatles, now?

Yeah, we were all in competition. Which was a weird thing, trying to avoid each other's release dates, like we'd avoided the Stones' release dates in The Beatles. When John or George released an album, I'd check it out, to see where he was up to. I think the truth, as a lot of people have said, is that we were missing each other. We missed the collaborative thing, of John saying, "Don't do that" or "Do that". Sparking each other off. For a while I was certainly very conscious of it. The only good thing was that I had been writing without John for a while, towards the end of The Beatles, so it wasn't as bad as it could have been. It was still a pretty big shock just not to be hanging out with these guys. 'Cos I'd hung out with them since I was 17.

Even when you were not writing together, on later Beatles records, there must have been a stage in the process where the others listened to your songs, and vetoed them or otherwise.

Exactly. John brought me Glass Onion. I remember him out in the garden in St John's wood saying, "What do you think of this?" We would just run it past each other, like you would run it past a mate or a producer. And he actually asked me, "D'you think I should put in this line about the Walrus was Paul?" I said, Oh yeah! It's brilliant. I just generally tended to agree with his stuff, and he tended to agree with mine- like in Hey Jude, i was going to knock out that line about "The movement you need is on your shoulder." He said, "You're not, that's the best line in it." So, often it wasn't negative but bolstering each other up. I might go through the whole studio experience thinking, This line's not right. But the minute he'd signed off on it, I thought, This line is ace! Similarly with him and Glass Onion. It was the strength of unity.

It's always striking that, of the four solo Beatles, George and Ringo got off to the strongest starts.

Yeah, George's All Things Must Pass. As he said, it was just like a diarrhea, he must have held it in for so long. And he had Phil [Spector] and a lot of really good people. And George was just so pissed off with us. I mean, all that anger just came out. Which is a good thing for an album, the "I'll show you" factor, which I had later in Band On The Run, when two of the members left the night before. So George and Ringo did get off to very good starts. John and I took it a bit hard, but all in all throughout the years we all did pretty well as single acts.

You formed a band for Ram, but it's not yet Wings.

Not yet, no. Denny Seiwell turns out to be in the band. Hugh McCracken who plays on a lot of it, who was nearly in the band. He came to Scotland to rehearse, but he was such a New York guy that he didn't really like to be away from America, and I can see that. New York is such a satisfying town, you can walk one block and get anything, whereas you can't do that in the Mull of Kintyre...

The first official line-up of Wings, which makes Wild Life, includes Denny Laine.

Denny came from The Moody Blues. I'd seen him when were out on tour with The Beatles and we'd played with them. My enduring memory is of one night up in somewhere like Edinburgh on tour, we'd had a few drinks and we decided that The Moody Blues would play The Beatles at snooker on this very beautiful, full-sized snooker table. Instead of being sensible and playing one at a time against each other, in a kind of league, they all got on one end of the table and we all got on the other, and I'm afraid the table got trashed. Oh shit. So I knew Denny, I knew we could get on personally and I liked his voice, particularly from Go Now, which I championed. I remember taking that around the BBC in its early days and saying, "Have you heard Go Now by The Moody Blues? It's my favourite record of the moment." And those producers would take notice of us. I was also used to having another lead voice in the group with me, so Denny became that.

And this time there's a friendlier song for John.

Dear Friend was to do with John, a bit of longing about John. Let's have a glass of wine and forget about it. A making up song.

Finally you do what The Beatles wouldn't agree to do, and get back on the road.

It seemed to me that for a band it's essential. We'd given it up in '67 with Sgt. Pepper when our new decree was, "The record will go on tour and we won't. We'll make a great record and send that out instead." But what happened after that was, we made some good records, but missed the stimulus of going out on tour. We missed seeing the whites of their eyes and getting a reality check: "They liked that one, they didn't like that one." And we hadn't done it for so long that my choice was, Either give up music, or continue to make it. I wanted The Beatles to go out as a live band, therefore I ought to go out as a live band. So we got a band and hatched the plan of going out on the university tour. Didn't want a big supergroup, a Blind Faith-style thing. I wanted to try and learn the whole thing again, hopefully learn some new things, rather than just repeat The Beatles things, which had all been done, and been about as successful as anyone in the world was ever gonna be.

But you took the informality to extremes, not even booking hotels.

No gigs or hotels or anything. Looking back, I can't believe we did that. We had the van, the dogs, the kids, and it was just madness. It was like I'd never been in The Beatles, I couldn't rely on any of that fame as a crutch. We went up to these universities, and fate had it that a lot of them were having exams. We didn't ring them up and ask if they'd be ready for us. And the other thing was we walked into power cuts: it was the time of the Great British Three Day Week. My image now is of trying to find our way around the dark North with a torch. Is anyone in? Like trying to find a gig in a mine. But we found a couple. Nottingham was one. Lancaster we played. Newcastle City Hall. Durham. When we did find places it was really cool. The students had a good time.

And you had the unfamiliar experience of handling money again.

Yeah, it had all been cheques and accounts and stuff, bank statements. And suddenly it was 50p on the door. So we came away with these bags of coins, which reminded me of Peter Sellers in Tom Thumb: One for you, two for me... We just counted them out in the van afterwards. Good experience, going through all those hardships, and it got us together as a band.

But that line-up wasn't to last, and nor did any Wings line-up. Why?

I've never actually thought about it. I know it happened but I've always blanked it. Probably, in my mind, a band is a democratic unit. Everyone has an equal vote, and in The Beatles for 10 years that had been the case. So if Ringo didn't like one of our songs, which wasn't often, Ringo could veto a Lennon & McCartney song. That meant everyone felt good about themselves. But in Wings that wasn't the case. I was the ex-Beatle. So I saw myself as the leader of the group, which I'd never been in The Beatles. There wasn't a leader in The Beatles. People had said that John was, and later people had said that I was, but neither of us ever acknowledged it. It wasn't the deal. People would ask, "Who's the leader of the group?" We'd say there wasn't one. I think once or twice in Hamburg, in the early days, John said, "I am." But we got pissed off, so it became a democracy. But Wings wasn't. It wasn't a dictatorship, but we weren't all equal.

By the '70s there was suddenly lots of other big acts: Led Zeppelin, T. Rex, Bowie, Pink Floyd, even The Osmonds in their way, or Abba. Was it difficult, as a Beatle, to adjust to the new landscape?

I knew it was going to be difficult. There was this thing of Follow The Beatles. You found yourself just one of the acts in the Hit Parade, rather than the undisputed leaders. But I knew by starting the group from scratch that we had to work our way up So anyone like Zeppelin or Bowie who'd been building during the '60s and had now arrived, naturally took precedence. You just had to understand that there are people bigger than you. And it gave us a benchmark. We thought, "We'll be as big as you one day." It was very weird for me, starting all over again. But it wasn't the world's worst thing. It was quite sobering, really. It's good to be knocked off your perch. There was a lot of that with Wings. Not only was I doing things for myself with the band, I was personally doing things for myself, living up in Scotland, mowing the field with my tractor. In The Beatles, the office used to buy your Christmas tree for you. Now I was buying my own Christmas tree. I enjoyed that . It's unhealthy to think you're the big cheese all the time. Within The Beatles, we each reminded each other that we weren't. But I think there is a big risk with stardom. I'd ring up a restaurant and say, Have you got a table? "Sorry sir, we're full booked." It's Paul McCartney here. "Oh! Certainly, Mr McCartney!" I've never been comfortable with it.

It seemed like you were uncomfortable with The Beatles' legacy for most of your time with Wings.

The thing about Wings was we bought into the myth that it could never be as good as The Beatles. I knew it was the world's most difficult thing to bite off. Everything we did was in the shadow of The Beatles, which had recently been this phenomenal band. So we did everything with quite a lot of paranoia. And it's only on looking back, that I think we did a lot of great work. You look at '76, we have this big, big tour, and at first everyone wants to know, "Is this gonna be a Beatles reunion? It's rumored that McCartney blah-blah-blah, George Harrison and Ringo Starr are going to join him on-stage, and John Lennon blah-blah-blah." So it was rumoured The Beatles were going to re-form. Even in our most successful year they were taking our success off us. It was, "Well maybe The Beatles will re-form, that would be good." But the great thing was that three weeks into the tour it was suddenly, "Who cares?" It doesn't matter. This is a great band. And at the end of it we go and set some big world record. So that's good to see. We did this thing that we set out to do. And we needn't have worried.

[insidekatmind]

New road~Anakin Skywalker

Request: yes!

You fall asleep late, tormented by the strange sensations you have recently felt. Your Master, Anakin Skywalker, has changed. He is no longer the patient and gentle Jedi you once knew. He is restless, distant. He spends more and more time with Chancellor Palpatine, and when he returns to the Jedi Temple, he is often exhausted and pensive. The shadow of war consumes him. But there is something more, something dark that creeps into him.

You wake with a start. Someone urgently shakes you. Your vision is blurred by sleep, but you immediately recognize Anakin's tense and tired face. His robes are stained with dust and ash, his breathing is heavy. There is a shadow in his pale eyes, a depth you have never seen before.

“I'm sorry, Padawan.” His voice is low, almost a whisper. His hand touches the lightsaber at his belt.

You feel a shiver down your spine. “Master… what’s happening?”

He hesitates for a moment, then sits down next to you, hands clasped together. “I want you to come with me.”

“Where?” you ask, your heart beating faster.

Anakin looks up, his eyes filled with something you can’t quite put your finger on. “Away from here. Away from the Jedi Order.”

You step back slightly, your breathing coming in short gasps. “Why should we leave? Anakin, what have you done?”

He clenches his jaw, his gaze darkening. “I did what I had to do.”

You jump up from the bed. “No… no, this doesn’t make sense. Tell me the truth.”

Anakin stands up as well, moving closer to you. “The truth is, the Jedi have lied to us. They use us, they limit us. I have seen what it means to have true power, and now I want to show it to you.”

You feel sick. “No. You… you have sworn loyalty to the Order. You always said the Dark Side was a threat.”

“The Jedi don’t understand anything!” he snaps, his voice thick with anger. “They are afraid. They taught you to fear power, but I can teach you to control it. You no longer have to follow their rules, you no longer have to be weak.”

You step back. “I am not weak.”

He nods slowly. “I know. That’s why I want you by my side.” His voice softens for a moment. “You were my best student, my only true family. I don’t want to lose you.”

Your heart tightens. “If that’s the case, then don’t. Don’t fall to the Dark Side, Anakin. We can still make things right.”

A strange smile forms on his lips. “Things are already made right.”

Then, he ignites his lightsaber. The red glow illuminates the room with an eerie light. You feel your blood run cold. The Jedi you once knew is gone. There is a Sith before you.

“Come with me.” His tone is a command, not a request.

Your hands shake as you grip the hilt of your lightsaber. “What if I say no?”

Anakin tilts his head, his gaze a mixture of sadness and determination. “Then, you will force me to do something I do not want.”

For a moment, time seems to stop. You realize that there is no escape. You must choose.

And you know that no matter what you choose, nothing will ever be the same again.

[jisungiesvzz]

Hii I absolutely loves ur fanfic!! Would u mind doing a jeongin version on unexpected?

I'm sorry this took so long to write! I’ve been having heavy workloads from school and I've also had writers block ugh. Anyways, I hope you enjoy :).

Crossing Lines

Idol!Jeongin x fem!reader

Warnings: kissing lessons, making out, neck kissing

Word Count: 2.7k

Author's Note: please let me know if I missed warnings, otherwise enjoy :)

Versions: Hyunjin // Han // Jeongin

—

The afternoon sun streams through Jeongin's apartment windows, casting golden hues across the living room. You sit cross-legged on the floor, a small velvet pouch between your fingers as you rummage through its contents.

"I still can't believe I forgot my jewelry," you sigh, carefully examining a silver chain with a small fox pendant. "You sure you don't mind me borrowing yours?"

Jeongin smiles from his position on the couch, phone in hand as he scrolls through his social media feed, hoping to run across a good hang out spot near you. "What's mine is yours, y/n. Three years of friendship earns you jewelry-borrowing privileges."

Giving him a soft smile, you hold up one of his earrings to the light, a simple silver hoop that catches the sunbeam and sparkles.

"It's scary how well you know me," you laugh, sorting through more pieces. "Like, you knew I'd forget something tonight."

"That's why I always keep extra stuff around for you," he replies, setting his phone down. "I am fully prepared for Hurricane Y/N."

You playfully throw a small cushion at him, which he catches effortlessly. You can't imagine your life without these little moments—the casual hang outs in his apartment, the inside jokes, the way he always seems to understand exactly what you need.

"Hey, remember that truth or dare game at Chan's party last week?" Jeongin suddenly asks, a tint of curiosity in his voice.

You groan, instantly knowing where this was heading. "Please, not this again."

"I'm just saying," he continues, sitting up straighter, "I was surprised when you said you've never been kissed. I mean, you're twenty-two!"

You feel your cheeks warm, lowering your voice to a near mumble. "So? Some people are late bloomers..."

"It's not a bad thing," Jeongin says quickly. "I just... I don't know, I just assumed you had."

You shrug, suddenly finding the jewelry in your hands incredibly fascinating. "I guess I've just never found the right person... or the right moment."

A weighted silence settles between you, unusual in its intensity. You can feel Jeongin's eyes on you, but you can't bring yourself to meet his gaze.

"I could teach you."

The words hang in the air, simple yet earth-shattering. Your head snaps up, certain you've misheard.

"Teach me what?"

Jeongin's expression is unreadable, a mix of nervousness and something else you can't quite place. "How to kiss. If you want."

You feel like the air has been sucked from the room. This is Jeongin—your best friend, the person who holds your hair back when you're sick and who can make you laugh until your sides hurt.

"That would be weird, wouldn't it?" you manage, your voice barely above a whisper.

He shrugs, attempting nonchalance though you can see the tips of his ears turning pink. "Only if we make it weird. It's just a skill, like teaching someone to drive or cook."

"A skill," you repeat skeptically.

"Yeah," he says, sliding down from the couch to sit across from you on the floor. "And then when you meet someone you actually want to kiss, you'll be ready."

You bite your lip, considering the possibility. The idea sends butterflies swarming through your stomach, but there's also a strange sense of... curiosity.

"Nothing would change between us?" you ask cautiously.

Jeongin shakes his head firmly. "Nothing. We're best friends first, always. This would just be me helping you out."

You take a deep breath. "Okay."

"Okay?" His eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

"Yes. Teach me." You confirm, your heart pounding through your chest.

Jeongin moves closer, his movements careful and deliberate. "So first, it helps if you face each other," he explains, his voice lower than usual.

You readjust your position, suddenly hyperaware of every inch of space between you and him. The jewelry laying forgotten on the floor beside you.

"Usually there's eye contact," he continues, and you force yourself to meet his gaze. His eyes—those familiar eyes you've looked into a thousand times—now seem different, deeper somehow.

You tried convincing yourself that it’s just kissing lessons but something about kissing him feels more intimate than it should.

"Then what?" you whisper.

"Then, one person usually leans in. Sometimes both." His hand comes up to gently brush a strand of hair from your face, and you feel your breath catch. "Sometimes there's touching. Like this."

His fingers trace a feather-light path along your jawline, coming to rest at the nape of your neck. The sensation sends shivers down your spine.

"And then?" Your voice is barely audible now.

Instead of answering, Jeongin leans forward, closing the distance between you. His lips press against yours, gentle and questioning. Your eyes flutter closed instinctively, your hand tentatively reaching up to rest on his shoulder.

The kiss is soft, a brief moment of connection that ends almost as quickly as it began. Jeongin pulls back slightly, his eyes searching yours.

"That's the basics," he says, his voice rough around the edges. "A simple first kiss."

You nod, unable to form words. Your lips tingle where his had been, and you find yourself wanting more—a realization that both thrills and terrifies you.

He's your best friend. Right…?

As if reading your thoughts, Jeongin speaks again. "Then there are... deeper kisses."

"S-show me..." you whisper, surprising yourself with your boldness.

This time when he leans in, there's an urgency that wasn't there before. His lips capture yours more confidently, one hand cradling your face while the other slides around your waist, drawing you closer. You respond instinctively, your fingers tangling in his hair, gently tugging at the strands.

What started as a lesson quickly transformed into something neither of you anticipated. The kiss deepened and you feel yourself being gently guided backward until you're lying on the floor, Jeongin hovering above you, your lips never parting.

When you finally break apart, both breathing heavily, you stare up at him in wonder. His hair is disheveled where your fingers have been, his eyes dark and intense.

"Innie…" you breathe, not knowing what else to say.

Without a word, he dives right back in, capturing your lips with a newfound hunger. There's no hesitation now, his movements filled with a hunger you’ve never seen before — his body pressing down against yours making you gasp into his mouth. Your arms wrap around his neck, pulling him closer, any thoughts of keeping distance between you long forgotten.

"There's more I can teach you," he murmurs against your lips, his voice husky with want. Before you can respond, his mouth begins to trail along your jawline, leaving a path of fire in its wake.

"Different types of kisses," he explains between soft pecks along your skin, "are for different sensations."

Your breath hitches as his lips reach the sensitive spot just below your ear. Instinctively, your head tilts to give him better access, your fingers tightening in his hair.

"Like here," he whispers, his warm breath sending shivers down your spine. Then his lips press against your neck, gentle at first, then with increasing pressure. The sensation is entirely new to you, electric pulses shooting through your body with each kiss.

"Innie," you gasp, overwhelmed by the feeling.

His hand slides up to cradle the other side of your neck, a small smile forming on his lips at the nick name as his thumb gently strokes your cheek, his kisses become more intense. You feel the gentle graze of his teeth, followed by the soothing warmth of his tongue against your pulse point, a soft moan falling from your lips as he repeated the action.

"Some people," he murmurs against your skin, "are more sensitive here than on their lips." As if to demonstrate, he places an open-mouthed kiss at the space where your neck meets your shoulder, causing you to arch involuntarily against him.

You're lost in sensation, any remaining thoughts about this being just a lesson completely gone. Your hands roam across his back, pulling him closer as he continues his thorough exploration of your neck.

When he finally returns to your lips, the kiss is different—deeper, more confident, as though he's staking a claim. You respond with equal fervor, the taste of him now familiar yet intoxicating.

As Jeongin pulls back slightly to look into your eyes, a small smile plays at his lips. "So," he says softly, "how was your first lesson?"

"I- I don't know what to say," you softly gasped, still recovering your breath.

Placing a soft peck on your lips, he sits up off the ground, gently taking your hand in his. "Come on. Let's go finish our original plans for the day."

Heart beating through your chest, you let him guide you off the ground and through the front door — the heated moment hanging in the air. A small part of you wishing it hadn't ended.

—

The next evening, you were in Stray Kids' dorm, squeezed comfortably between Jeongin and Hyunjin on the large sectional sofa. Chan had insisted on a movie night—something about needing to unwind after their intense practice schedule—and naturally, as Jeongin's best friend, you were included in the invitation.

What the others don't know is how everything changed between you and Jeongin just twenty-four hours ago.

The memory of his lips on yours, on your neck, makes your cheeks flush even now. You've spent most of today exchanging knowing glances, the anticipation of seeing him again had your stomach in knots all day.

"Everyone good with the movie choice?" Chan asks, remote in hand as he navigates through Netflix.

You barely register what film he selected—some action thriller the group has been wanting to watch. All you can focus on is Jeongin's proximity; the subtle scent of his cologne, the warmth radiating from his body next to yours.

"Y/N, want some?" Felix offers you the bowl of popcorn from across the coffee table.

"Thanks," you murmur, reaching for it. As you settle back with the bowl, Jeongin shifts closer, his thigh now pressed firmly against yours.

The lights dim as Chan starts the movie. Under the cover of darkness, Jeongin's hand finds yours, his fingers intertwining with yours between your bodies where no one else can see. Such a simple touch shouldn't send your heart racing, but after last night, everything is different.

Twenty minutes into the film, you're not following the plot at all. How could you, when Jeongin's thumb is tracing lazy circles on the back of your hand? When his breath occasionally tickles your ear as he leans over to whisper some joke about the movie?

By the thirty-minute mark, his hand had moved to your knee, resting there casually as though it belongs. The weight of it burns through the fabric of your jeans.

Halfway through the movie, during a particularly intense action sequence that has everyone's attention fixed on the screen, Jeongin's hand begins to move. Slowly, torturously, his fingers trace upward along your thigh, just far enough to make your breath hitch, gently squeezing the flesh.

You shoot him a warning glance, but the innocent smile he gives you in return is betrayed by the mischievous glint in his eyes. He knows exactly what he's doing.

His hand retreats momentarily when Changbin gets up to refill drinks, but as soon as everyone is settled again, it returns—this time sliding to your inner thigh, his touch feather-light but unmistakably close to where you could feel yourself growing needy. Your body responds immediately, heat pooling low in your abdomen, his hand now venturing into territory that makes your pulse quicken and your thoughts get jumbled up.

When his fingers inch higher, gently squeezing your thigh, you nearly jump. It's too much—the darkened room, his members just feet away, completely oblivious, and Jeongin's touch threatening to unravel you entirely.

"Bathroom," you whisper, standing abruptly. Jisung pauses the movie, looking up at you questioningly.

"Just need a quick bathroom break," you explain, forcing a casual smile. "Don't wait up, I've seen this part."

You slip away from the living room, heart hammering against your ribs as you make your way down the hallway. The cool bathroom tiles are a relief under your feet as you close the door behind you, leaning against it and exhaling slowly.

"Get it together," you mutter to yourself, turning to face the mirror — your reflection showing flushed cheeks and bright eyes.

Splashing cold water on your face, you hear a soft knock at the door.

"Y/N?" Jeongin's voice is low, just audible enough for you to hear. "You okay?"

Taking a deep breath, you open the door just enough to see him standing there, concern etched across his features—though the darkness of his eyes tells another story.

"I'm fine," you whisper. "We should get back before they—"

Before you can finish, Jeongin has slipped inside, closing the door behind him with a soft click. The bathroom suddenly feeling much smaller with him in it, the air between you charged with tension.

"What are you doing?" you ask, voice sounding small.

"I couldn't help myself," he admits, closing the distance between you. "Sitting next to you, not being able to really touch you... it's driving me crazy."

"Your members are right outside," you remind him, even as your body betrays you by leaning toward his.

"They're absorbed in the movie," he counters, his hands finding your waist. "Besides, I told them you weren't feeling well and I was checking on you."

"And they believed that?"

A small smile plays at his lips. "Felix gave me a knowing look, but the others are clueless."

Your protest dies in your throat as Jeongin presses you gently against the wall, his body flush against yours. Any restraints from before evaporated into thin air as his lips capture yours in a kiss that's hungry and desperate.

Your hands immediately find their way into his hair, pulling him closer as his tongue meets yours. This isn't the careful instructional kiss from yesterday—this is raw need, months of pent-up desire finally breaking free.

"I've been thinking about this all day," he murmurs against your lips, his hands sliding under the hem of your shirt to touch and squeeze the bare skin at your waist. "About you."

Your response is lost as his mouth moves to your neck, finding the sensitive spots he discovered yesterday. The sensation pulls a soft moan from you, which Jeongin quickly silences with another kiss.

"Quiet," he whispers, a teasing glint in his eye. "Unless you want everyone to hear."

The thought of being caught should terrify you, but instead, it only heightens everything—the racing of your pulse, the heat of his touch, the urgency of your kisses.

His hand slides back to your thigh, higher than he dared in the living room, his fingers tracing patterns that make your breath catch. When he presses his hips against yours, you can feel exactly how much he wants you.

"Innie," you gasp as his lips find a particularly sensitive spot below your ear.

“Fuck, y/n.” he grumbles against your neck, softly nipping and licking at the skin there, eliciting more moans from you.

“Innie, ngh, you’re gonna l-leave marks,” you whined, your defiance falling short as you arched into him.

“We should stop,” he mumbles between open mouthed kisses.

You both knew you should, but neither of you make an effort to move.

A sudden knock on the door makes you both freeze.

"Y/N? Jeongin?" It's Chan's voice. "Everything okay in there? Movie's almost over."

Removing himself from your neck, Jeongin clears his throat. "We're fine, hyung. Y/N just felt a little dizzy. We'll be out in a minute."

"Okay," Chan replies, though you can hear the question in his tone. "We're thinking of ordering food after."

Footsteps retreat down the hallway, and you both release the breath you've been holding.

Jeongin's forehead drops to yours, a small laugh escaping him. "That was close."

"Yeah," you let out breathy laugh. "We should get back."

He nods, stepping back reluctantly, but not before pressing one more lingering kiss to your lips. "This isn't over yet," he promises, his voice low with intention.

As you straighten your clothes and Jeongin attempts to fix his hair, you catch his eye in the mirror. The boy who was just your best friend yesterday now looks at you with an intensity that makes your knees weak.

"Ready?" he asks, hand on the doorknob.

You nod, knowing that while you're about to return to a room full of his members and pretend nothing has changed, everything has. The line you crossed yesterday isn't just crossed—it's been erased entirely, replaced by something new and thrilling and completely uncharted.

As Jeongin opens the door, his hand finds yours for just a moment, giving it a squeeze before letting go. It's a promise of what's to come, once you're alone again.

And suddenly, you can't wait for this movie night to end.

[himbosandhardwear]

Two Truths I 1.3k I NSFW-ish

“How'd you get it to stay?”

“Soldered it into one solid piece,” he brags, cigarette caught in the corner of his smile.

“You're insane. I can't believe that was you the whole time.”

“It was Ronnie's idea, I just made it happen.” He taps his cigarette out in the crystal ashtray balanced on his knee. His legs are spread open, so Steve can reach the ashtray if he needs to. “I thought he looked very metropolitan with an earring. Chic even.”

Yeah, the gold hoop earring in the mascot tiger costume was ultra modern. Steve rolls his eyes but doesn't argue. He doesn't give a shit about defending a stupid High School mascot over a harmless prank from five years ago. Eddie's antics are a thousand times more entertaining than any of his stupid basketball stories.

“You know what game you'd kill at?”

“Monopoly? Dog! I called it, you can't have it, I'm always the dog!” He nearly dumps the ashtray in his excitement.

“No, shut up. I'm the car anyway, duh. I was gonna say, Two Truths and a Lie. That's your game.”

“Hmm, never played.” He rolls his head around the back of the couch, his haphazard bun goes even looser. “Is it a drinking game?”

“Doesn't have to be. Just a guessing game really. You just say two things that are true and one lie and the other person has to guess which one is the lie. But it can't be like, ‘I have brown eyes, I have brown hair, in 1983 I helped defeat a monster from an alternate dimension.’”

“You have hazel eyes.”

Steve blinks for a second. “Yeah. But anyway, it has to be less obvious, is what I'm saying.”

“Got it. So, like, okay… My dad is in the penn for Grand Larceny, Wayne's only confirmed kill in ‘Nam was a poor defenceless monkey, and my favorite subject in school was Home-Ec.”

“Shit. I don't know if I want the monkey thing to be true or not.”

Eddie's dimples make an appearance. “My favorite was Theater. Home-Ec was a close second though. I made a pillow and used it to sleep through Algebra.”

Steve cracks a laugh. “Yeah, that tracks.” Okay, his turn. His life suddenly seems boring in comparison, even with all the shit he's been through. He used to be good at this game but he's kinda set himself up for failure here against Eddie.

“Dying of boredom…”

“Shut up! Okay, how about this… My paternal grandparents were from Scotland, I have a B.B. permanently lodged in my ankle, and my first three-way was with Tommy and Carol.”

Eddie chokes on air, making Steve laugh in delight.

Once he's got his breath, he looks at Steve in suspicion. “I'm gonna assume you didn't actually get close to Hagan's freckled weiner.”

Steve's grin feels mean, like whenever Tommy said something particularly scathing to some anonymous Freshman. “B.B. is stuck in my thigh actually.” He pulls his shorts up enough to show him the white scar.

God, the look on Eddie's face - perfectly, comically shocked, mouth open, eyes white around the iris - makes him feel so good, to have something like that up his sleeve, something to shock the wildest guy Steve knows.

“You're gonna catch flies like that,” he says, smug. “It's your turn.”

Eddie snaps his mouth shut, teeth clacking audibly. “Fine. Let's see,” he taps his finger against his chin, “raising the stakes…” He slips Steve a look, conveying his playful scheming. “I've had sex at school, I've had sex at the Hideout, I've had sex at your house.”

His immediate instinct is to call bullshit at Eddie fucking here, because when exactly would he have accomplished it, but then he remembers who provided the favors at most of his parties and he hesitates. Eddie watches Steve go through this realization, watches with a smugness that he wants to wipe off.

“It had better have been on my parents bed,” he concedes.

“Laundry room actually.”

“I hate you.” He crosses his arms and pouts, nearly asks who with but he's not sure he wants to know. “So which one was the lie?”

“School. Obviously. My dick couldn't get hard there even if I wanted it to.”

Memories of sitting in class surface, trying desperately to hide his boner, but he's not gonna admit it. Even though he's certain Eddie had the same problem at least once. It’s basically a rite of passage for dudes.

“My turn, you absolute freak.” Now what does he admit to to top getting it on with some mystery person on his parents dryer? “Hmm… I put actual notches on my bedpost, I've got a pair of girl's panties stashed in my underwear drawer, I used to jerk off with Tommy when we were younger.”

“Okay, now I know you're fucking with me,” Eddie exclaims, arms flailing.

“Which one, Munson? Take your pick.”

Eddie continues to stare, which is a bit nerve wracking but Steve maintains his composure. He's 99% sure Eddie is gay, and therefore won't judge him on this, but there's always that small chance Steve is wrong and this whole thing goes sideways. Three-way with Tommy? Could be a drunken mistake. Teenage jerk off sessions? It happens, no big deal. But both? At one point in Steve's life he'd been able to write off both as normal but Robin had put the writing back on the wall, so to speak.

“That's why he said he didn't want your sloppy seconds,” Eddie mumbles.

Steve blanches. “Who?”

“B- Nobody.”

No fucking way. No. Fucking. Way.

“Eddie. Did you fuck Billy Hargrove in my laundry room?” His voice is eerily calm.

“No.”

Steve waits a beat. “Did Billy Hargrove fuck you in my laundry room?”

“.......no.”

“Your turn,” he growls.

“Wait, which one was the lie?”

He crosses his arms, still pissed off beyond belief. “I don't put notches on my bedpost, that's tacky.”

“On the belt then?” He tries to snark but it falls flat. Steve just stares until he looks away. “Fine. Let me think.”

If he admits to fucking Billy, Steve doesn't know what he's gonna do. The very idea of it makes him want to tear his hair out.

“I over-charged you on weed for years, Gareth is mean to you because he has a crush, I'm sorry I gave Hargrove head in your laundry room.”

Steve gets up and leaves the room. Eddie doesn't call him back. He stomps all the way to the kitchen, yanks the fridge open, grabs another beer, and chugs the entire thing standing there with the door open. When he gets back, Eddie is standing in the middle of the room, awkwardly shuffling like he wants to leave.

“Sit,” Steve barks, “we're not done here.”

Eddie complies but with a stiffness that reads like he may bolt at a moment's notice.

“I fucking know you over-charged me for the weed so I have to assume Gareth does not, in fact, have a crush on me.”

Eddie nods, sheepish. “Hates you for the usual reasons.”

“Right.” The important takeaway here shouldn't be that Eddie had sex with Steve's arch nemesis, it's that he's admitting to being queer. Good. He stares at the side of Eddie's head. “I was straight, I am bisexual, I have bad hair days.”

He watches as Eddie's entire body rotates around to stare directly into Steve's soul. His tongue makes an appearance, wetting his lips.

“I am gay, I am very gay, I am the most gay anyone has ever been.”

That's comical. “No, the most gay anyone has ever been was Robin when she left the room during that scene in The Hunger.”

Eddie matches Steve's smirk. “Correct.”

“I want to kiss you, I want to make you forget Billy Hargrove’s name…..I have brown eyes.”

Eddie's grin rivals that of his grand theft auto exuberance. “Your eyes are hazel.”

“Correct.”

“I am going to kiss you, Billy Who, and…oh, who gives a shit.” He tackles Steve into the arm of the couch.

They don't make it to the laundry room but there's always tomorrow.

[lynzishell]

TW: Religious themes; Homophobia

Prev // Next

Transcript below the cut:

Ezra: Why are you so quiet today? Henry: No reason. Ezra: You’re lying to me. Why?

Henry: If I tell you, do you promise not to tell anyone? Ezra: This is about Atlas, isn’t it?

Henry. Promise me. Ezra: Okay. I promise. This conversation stays between us. No matter what. Henry: We’re leaving. We’re going away to college. Somewhere we can be together. For real.

Ezra: Oh Henry. This is so much worse than I thought. Henry: You don’t understand. We’re in love. I love him, and I don’t want to stay here and live a life where I’m told that’s wrong. Where I’m forced to be someone I’m not. I refuse to believe that’s what God would want for me.

Ezra: Don’t you see what’s happening? Henry: I do. I’m not sure you do. Ezra: Henry, you’re being tested. You’re at a fork in the road, faced with a decision that will determine the fate of your soul. And I’m afraid for you.

Henry: No— Ezra: If you leave, there’s no coming back. You will be sentencing your soul to the Fire for betraying God, not to mention your family. This will break your mother’s heart. Is that what you want? Henry: Of course not, but…

Ezra: Let me put it this way: What would you tell me if Chrissy wanted me to do something that would tear my family apart? If she wanted me to turn my back on my friends, to give up my whole life for her. What would you say to me?

Henry: That’s different. Ezra: Is it?

Ezra: You know as well as I do, that’s not love. Atlas doesn’t love you. He wants to destroy your life and steal your soul because that’s what people like him do. Henry: People like him?

Ezra: Yes. He acts all innocent and harmless, but he’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing. I know it’s hard to hear, but I will always tell you the truth. You’re my best friend, I have always been there for you, I’ve kept your secrets, and I always will. No one ever has to know about any of this because you’ve been given an opportunity to set things right. To prove you are worthy. Let Atlas leave. Once he’s gone, you’ll be free from his temptations and lies. Your sins of the last year will be forgiven, and you’ll be free to live the life you’re meant to.

Ezra: Please Henry, I’m begging you, do the right thing.

[love-byers]

the van scene is going to pay off. THE VAN SCENE IS GOING TO PAY OFF. the VAN SCENE. (where will basically stabs himself in the heart and accepts that he's going to be desperately and unrequitedly in love with mike for the rest of his life) is going to PAY OFF.

DO YOU GUYS REALIZE WHAT THIS MEANS?? ROMANTIC TROPES LIKE THIS CAN ONLY GO ONE WAY

okay okay for example, in young royals (spoilers ahead) season 1 ends with simon and wilhelm at odds because wilhelm denied their relationship to the public despite telling simon he would tell the truth. simon decides he can't be wilhelm's secret and basically breaks up with him.

then, in s2, wilhelm is constantly trying to weasel his way back into being with simon because he desperately misses him, but simon sticks to his word and doesn't cave in. simon gets a new boyfriend and wilhelm fucking SPIRALS and briefly becomes borderline psychotic, but then one night at a dance/party/ball where he properly meets simon's boyfriend, he gives up and accepts that simon is moving on, like simon has been asking him to do all season. he tells simon that he's sorry for bothering him and that he'll leave him alone from now on and his boyfriend seems nice. he does the thing that deeply hurts himself, but he believes will make simon happy. he chooses simon's happiness over his own. he does the right thing. he does the selfless thing.

and guess what happens next? simon follows wilhelm outside and kisses him and they make out in a garden. wilhelm got what he wanted, but only after putting simon's happiness before his own.

and this same thing happens at the end of the season. in s2 simon goes on a journey of learning to understand why wilhelm wants their relationship to be a secret, because at first in s1 he doesn't at all and it makes him very angry. but by the end of s2 he finally understands. he tells wilhelm that he wants to be with him and if that means they have to be a secret, then so be it. simon makes a sacrifice. he lets go of his integrity towards himself and decides to be wilhelm's secret, even though that's not the ideal scenario. he knows it's what wilhelm wants, and if that's the only way it'll work, then so be it.

and guess what happens next? wilhelm goes up in front of the whole country and admits that he is in a relationship with simon and that he won't be hiding any longer. simon got what he wanted all along, but only after putting their love before his own self-integrity.

are you getting what i'm saying?

in writing, sacrifice and making the difficult decision rewards characters with getting what they want. that's what makes it so satisfying, that's what makes it PAY OFF. that's what "pay off" means. hard work pays off. hard, uncomfortable, painful, sorrowful work pays off because something good comes from it. something so good that it makes all the pain worth it, because the pain is what directly lead to it. simon and wilhelm didn't get the happiness they wanted until they sacrificed something they wanted for the overall good or the good of someone else. they didn't get what they wanted until they were selfless.

literally the only way a scene like the van scene can pay off is with will getting what he wanted all along. there is literally no other way i can see this going. it's just unheard of for a plot point like this to end in any other way than in will's favor. will giving the painting to mike is symbolic of him letting go and accepting that he will always love mike and will never be loved back. the painting itself is symbolic of will's feelings. it's wills feelings in a physical form, because after the van scene will does not plan on ever bringing it up again. that's why the painting has to exist, so that will's feelings can come to light in s5, because will is not gonna be the one to bring it up. he thinks it's game over. mike gently confirming to will that it is indeed game over but being an ally to him is not a reward, that's the bare minimum. like i can't stress to you enough how an arc conclusion like that is the exact thing writers are taught not to do, the exact thing we are warned against in school. the exact thing that gets a bad response in a workshop. you just don't do it you don't, especially not with a character as tortured and marginalized as will byers

anyways my point is, the thing will used to accept that mike will never love him and push mike and el together (the painting) is going to be the very thing that pulls mike right back in. this painful and selfless thing that will did is actually going to bring him the biggest reward, the thing he's always wanted. that's just how writing works bro

edit: and i wanted to add one more in here real quick bc ive seen people say "oh so only happy endings make sense??" when bylers say will deserves a happy ending

no, that's not the case at all. "pay off" does not equate to "happy ending" payoff can mean all kinds of things. if a character repeatedly makes bad decisions and it lands them in the shitter, that's pay off. that's good writing. unless you're writing a story just created to make people sad and leave people unsatisfied as some sort of statement, there is absolutely no reason for that.

and another good example of pay off that isn't necessarily happy: the hunger games (spoilers ahead). the hunger games is a story about oppression and corruption and abusive government. it's a commentary on control and abuse of power and how it hurts people. the whole thing is kick started by katniss volunteering for the games in place of her sister, it's kick started by katniss trying to keep her sister alive. so prim (her sister) ultimately dying in the last book can be considered payoff. and though this isn't happy, it works because of the overall theme of the books. it's about abuse, tragedy, trauma, etc etc. and it goes even deeper when you consider the fact that prim was killed by a bomb made by "the good side", because mockingjay (the last book) delved into showing the beginnings of yet another abusive controlling government and how more war and killing only leads to more suffering for EVERYONE. prim dying is UNFAIR. and that's the point. that's why the whole thing, ALL the corruption, even on the "good side" must come down because it only leads to tragedy and unfairness. though this is quite depressing, it is "pay off". it's good writing

okay hunger games ted talk over

[sst4rdst]

synopsis : modern au scaramouche places nicotine patches on you so you would get addicted to him. pairing : yan scara x reader (no gendered pronouns used for reader) warnings : yandere themes, unhealthy relationships, scara is kinda cringe ngl, forced addiction. author's note : inspired by this ask @allfearstofallto received! (btw go check her works they're really good, just saying).

it starts as nothing. a lingering discomfort when you’re alone, a tension in your muscles that refuses to ease, a dull, unshakable exhaustion that follows you even after a full night’s sleep. it’s easy to dismiss at first, easy to blame on stress, on a poor diet, on the weather being too cold or too hot. you don’t think much of it—not when it’s just a headache here and there, not when the nausea comes in brief waves, not when your hands shake just slightly as you reach for your morning coffee.

but then it worsens. slowly, gradually, deliberately.

there are days when the discomfort turns unbearable, days when you feel like something is clawing at the inside of your ribcage, desperate to be let out. your body betrays you in ways you don’t understand—your heart pounding too hard, your breathing shallow, your fingers twitching when you try to hold a pen, a fork, a phone. it’s maddening, this constant state of unease, like you’re missing something vital, like a part of you has been carved away and you’re left grasping at empty air. you rack your brain for a reason, for some kind of explanation that makes sense, but nothing adds up. there is no pattern to it, no logical cause.

except, there is. because it always, always gets better when you’re with him.

the moment scaramouche steps into the room, the tension in your chest unwinds, your headache fades, your trembling stops as if it was never there. you don’t even have to do anything—just being in his presence is enough to soothe the worst of it, like he’s some kind of drug you didn’t realize you were taking.

you hate the thought. you hate the dependency, the way your body reacts to him like an addict finding their next fix. but there’s no denying it, not when the relief is so immediate, not when it feels so good just to exist near him, to hear his voice, to feel his gaze settling on you with that same unreadable expression.

he notices. of course, he notices. he’s always watching, always analyzing, always a step ahead of you in ways that you’ve never quite been able to grasp.

“why do you always come to me when you feel like shit?” his voice is flat, unimpressed, but there’s something underneath it, something too pleased, like he already knows the answer but wants to hear you say it anyway. he’s lounging on your couch, legs crossed, one arm draped over the back, looking like he has all the time in the world to entertain your pathetic little problem.

you swallow, rub your temples, frustrated with yourself, with him, with this whole situation. “i don’t know,” you mutter, though you do, you just don’t want to admit it. “i just—fuck, i feel better when i’m with you. like, physically.”

the corner of his lips twitches, and for a second, you think he’s going to smirk. but he doesn’t. he just watches you with that same half-lidded gaze, fingers tapping against his thigh in slow, deliberate movements. his nails are painted black today. he only does that when he’s bored.

“how pathetic,” he murmurs, and there it is—that cruel amusement, that mocking edge laced into his words like a knife hidden in silk. he tilts his head, voice dropping just enough to send a shiver down your spine. “you seriously need me, huh?”

you don’t answer. because what is there to say? it’s true. it’s humiliating and infuriating and it makes you feel small, but it’s the truth. you do need him. or at least, your body seems to think so.

you don’t know that this was never an accident. that the first time you felt those strange aches, those unbearable withdrawals, it wasn’t some random affliction—it was him. it was always him.

you don’t know that it started with a tiktok. some stupid, throwaway video that he barely paid attention to at first, some joke about how nicotine patches could be used to make someone dependent, how withdrawal could be weaponized. you don’t know how the idea latched onto him like a parasite, burrowing into his thoughts, refusing to let go until it became something more, something twisted, something actionable.

you don’t know that every time he touched you—every casual brush of fingers against your arm, every moment he pretended to fix your collar, every instance where he pulled you just a little closer than necessary—he was leaving something behind. a small, colorless patch, barely noticeable, perfectly hidden beneath fabric and routine. a dose just strong enough to matter. just strong enough to make you crave him.

you don’t know any of this. but you do know that you always end up back in his presence. that no matter how much you tell yourself you don’t need him, your body betrays you in the end.

[jjkarmy091]

Second Best- Jungkook (part 10)

Summary: Being friends with someone who has your heart it’s already hard, let alone when that special someone ends up falling in love with your best friend, the one you think would never make anything to hurt you . Will you be able to ignore it and move on? what will happen when everything gets too much for you to handle?

Genre: Friends to lovers; angst; body insecurities; bullying; friend betrayel;

Pairing: Jungkook x female!reader

Warning: strong language

Wordcount: 8.5k

Author's note: I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. Give me your thoughts. I love you all !

P.S : I'm sorry for any mistakes. English is not my first language!

Y/n wasn't always insecure about herself. Early in life she was a lively, extroverted and free spirit person, but life is unfair and unpredictable. Having the trauma of seeing her father abandon her and her mother for another woman, saying she was the reason why he stopped loving and caring for her mom, left something inside her that it was never possible to mend no matter how hard she tried, making her more focused on studies and goals than boys and dating while growing up. For her, love was an illusion and she wouldn’t make the same mistake as her mother. 

Thinking about it now as she heads inside the apartment she shares with Lisa, she never gave anyone an opportunity, but as soon as she saw Jungkook she was drawn to him immediately without any explanation for it. Independence was her thing and she never thought she’d be capable of feeling the way she feels about him right now. Even if that meant that her friendship with Sewoon had to end. 

Looking back she knows Sewoon was never a good friend to her and she deserves better. Despite knowing their personalities were completely different from each other, Y/n accepted her anyway. After all, Sewoon had been her first friend, the first person to defend her when necessary and for that she was truly thankful for her. She also knew a little about her past and even though their priorities were different, they understood each other like that.  

Sewoon wanted to live life, have fun, go out, drink. Everything a teenager is supposed to do. She lost her virginity at 16 to a boy three years older than her who she met at a party. At the time Y/n asked her how was she able to do something so intimate with someone she had only known for a short time. Her best friend replied no one cared about that anymore. Truth to be told, after that she changed. A lot. Maybe that was when they started to drift apart a little bit. Y/n didn't like this change, not when she tried to do the same to her. Sewoon would share her experience regarding sex, how she did it, what she did and how good it felt. She was sexually active and made sure everyone knew about it, bothering Y/n. It was a subject that she didn't feel confident or comfortable talking about, however Sewoon pressured her to go the same path as her and that pissed Y/n off, but she would let it slide.

Maybe that was the main problem, letting it slide too muc. She never thought they would get to the point they are at today and that's sad. Now, Y/n was envious of all the experience she had acquired over the years, because with Jungkook it worked. He was so enthralled by Sewoon's beauty and comfort around guys, not to mention the way she won over boys, the subtle way of touching and talking to them when she tried to conquer them. Honestly, she admired the way she could make people who weren't interested in her focueds on her so quickly. Y/n knew she would never reach her feet in that way.  

Everything that happened today with Jungkook was just one more thing to confuse her. What if she was imagining things? As far as she knows he could flirt like this with everyone else. What if he thought she was easy just because she had feelings for him and he was in need of more than she could give him? She has known him long enough to know he wasn’t part like this but still... One never really knows someone, right? Sewoon is living proof of this.  

Walking in her room, Y/n went to change clothes and do her skin care, she had cried so much during the day that her eyes were swollen. She washed her face with cold water and dried it and putting a facial mask on. It was a very cold night but the moonlight helped to alleviate the darkness outside and she took advantage of being alone to go to the living room with her favourite book in hand, sitting in a chair next to the fireplace. The Y/n from a few days ago would be unable to tell Jungkook how she felt, yet both yesterday and today she had already confessed twice and had even confronted Sewoon. She never thought she would be able to raise her voice the way she did.

She somehow feels that Jungkook came into her life to break down all these walls around her heart with his sweet gaze and magnetic smile. She fell in love with him, but didn't have the courage to admit it (to him or herself), which ended up in her best friend dating him and yet she continued to desire him. Damn, she was so happy to know they had broken up, so she could rekindle her friendship with him and although knowing this was not something a good friend would do, at that moment Y/n doesn’t regret staying close to Jungkook, otherwise the moment they shared today wouldn't have happened at all. For that she also has Lisa to thank. God, she was very upset with her, but she ended up opening a path she never thought she would have with him. 

Suddenly, she heard the main door open, announcing Lisa's arrival. Lisa hadn't even noticed her since when she arrived it was all dark. When Lisa heard a voice calling her in the distance she screamed and now it was Y/n's turn to laugh. Lisa put her hands to her chest and threw her keys at her in protest. 

“You really scared the shit out of me Y/n. What the fuck are you doing with every light turned off? Are you a vampire and I didn’t notice it?” Lisa throws herself on the couch “Huuuuufff finally home! I've never had a day as long as this one. Meetings after meetings, just boring shit. How was your day? Was it a nightmare or a cool one?” Y/n gave a half smile  

"Initially it was shitty, but it ended pretty well" Lisa raised her head and made a suspicious face.  

“That means something did happen. Oh my god, is it Jungkook related?” 

“Yes and no” Lisa was confused. “Last night before going to sleep I sent a text to Sewoon, trying to talk to her about the things I found out on that trip regarding Tae, but she didn't give me an answer so I didn't think much about it anymore. Today, it was almost time for my break when I saw her come in. I told Sana that I was going outside and would be right back, but the conversation didn't go as I expected. She was horrible Lisa, she said tons of shit that affected me a lot. I never met this person before. I saw a person I didn't know existed.” 

“What did she tell you?” Lisa whispered and Y/n lowered her head, sighing. 

“She basically said that she was happy I had disappeared without telling anyone, that the only bad thing was that Jungkook was constantly wanting to know my whereabouts and not even with the pictures she showed him did he calm down. Ohh and that she prayed for news to arrive that something bad had happened to me. She also mentioned that I had stolen Tae from her and that she’d do everything to be with Jungkook, especially since they had already been together a few times, so she had no doubt that he would choose her over me. A bunch of shit.” 

“SHE SAID WHAT? God that girl needs a punch to bring her back to reality I swear the next time I see her I’m gonna end her. Who does she think she is f--” Y/n interrupted her  

“It’s okay Lisa. Actually, I need to thank her. After that, I was so upset that Sana told me to leave, I needed to clear my head and you were working so I decided to take a walk. Somehow, I ended up in front of Jungkook's workplace, he ended up seeing me and went after me and insisted on bringing me home, however, I told him I had to make a stop by La Dolce Perla and we ended up having dinner there. Although things were VERY tense at the beginning, by the end of the night I ended up letting some things out and he didn't judge me or anything, quite the opposite, he kept me calm and respected me. There was something in the air you know? Something that was pulling us closer to each other. We almost kissed” Lisa squealed in excitement but then stopped and made a funny face. 

“So why didn't you?” 

“I - I don’t know... I guess he noticed how nervous I was. We were saying goodbye and then he told me he’d wait for me. I don’t know what kind of waiting was he referring to but somehow that gave me comfort, but I’m not sure it’s a good thing, I mean it gives me hope for a future for us but with Sewoon in the picture I--” 

“Why don’t you talk to him about Sewoon? A real and open conversation where both of you get all the answers to your questions. You guys have a lot of connection, don’t miss that over misunderstandings.” Lisa said while hugging Y/n, excusing herself to get ready for bed. She had a very busy day in her company and she was wrecked. Y/n was tired too, so she went to her bedroom, did her routine and fell asleep, or at least she tried to. 

On the next day Sana wouldn’t be there so she’d be with the new guy. She never got to make a full shift with him and she was curious to see how it’d go. By the time her alarm went off Y/n was wide awake and ready to star her day. She had the weirdest yet the best dream ever. It was about Jungkook and she was enjoying it so much that when she woke up she cursed her neighbor for making so much noise at 08:15 a.m.  

She was going to make a double shift. She hated when her boss asked her favors like these but she really needed the money, that’s what kept her going. Getting there she saw Namjoon cleaning tables. Sana wouldn’t stop gushing over him, how cute he looked or how mature he was for someone his age. Even though Sana didn't have the courage to admit her feelings for him (yet, according to her) there was a palpable chemistry between them. The few moments that Y/n witnessed, made her think about her example, how much she thought she and Jungkook understood each other until Sewoon appeared. The day was passing by very peacefully. Right now there were only two customers so she and Namjoon took the opportunity to get some things done earlier. While at it, they got to know each other better and when they finished what they were doing, they ended up engaging in a deep conversation.

Okay, she had to agree with Sana, he had a great view on life and knew a lot for a 20-year-old. They were so absorbed in their conversation they didn't even notice the arrival of a new customer. Hearing the chirping of a throat in order to draw the attention of the two of them, Y/n was surprised to see Jungkook there with a look she couldn’t describe. Namjoon must have felt the weight of Jungkook’s eyes on him because he used some lame excuse to get out of there as soon as possible, leaving her alone with him.

“Jungkook, hi! I – I wasn't expecting to see you here at this time of the day. Usually you come a little later... Is everything okay?” Jungkook took a whole minute to respond, glancing between her and the door Namjoon had «escaped»

“Yes, everything’s fine. I hmmm- I was around and I-- I know it's almost your lunch time so I passed by to see if you wanted to have lunch with me.” He looks at Namjoon when he sees him walking out with some boxes. “But if you’re busy yo-” 

“Imnotbusyatall” she answered so quickly Jungkook didn’t understand a thing so she had to repeat herself, calmer this time. “Sorry. I meant to say I’m not busy. I have two hours for lunch since I'm working double shifts today. I just wasn’t expecting to see you so... early. I mean, for someone who usually shows up around 9pm, it's quite surprising” She smiled, turning her attention to the door, only to see Namjoon walk in again looking at her and Jungkook. He gave her a thumbs up, she flipped him off surreptitiously. Jungkook, on the other hand, was paying attention to all these actions. He's never seen this guy before, maybe he didn’t pay much attention to him. They seemed to have hit off pretty nice and for some reason he didn't like that at all. 

“I finished the morning session earlier than expected so I Ieft early as well. It's 10 minutes to 1 pm, can I stay here waiting for you or do you think you’ll have problems with that guy?”  

“With Namjoon? Naah, he’s cool. I'll just tell him to come replace me so I can change clothes and we can go. I’ll be right back.” As said, Y/n went to warn Namjoon and went towards the locker room. She left after 5 minutes, seeing Jungkook waiting for her near the exit. Weird, he usually used to wait for her at the counter where she and Sana usually stay, where Namjoon currently is as well.  

“Why are you waiting here? It’s not your normal spot you know? Joon won’t bite you for standing there” Y/n said laughing while approaching Jungkook. Seeing her, he adjusted his coat and smiled, opened the door motioning for her to go through it first, leaving behind her.

“I didn't like him, that's all, so I preferred to wait here. Besides, I didn't want to cause trouble. "

"Why would you cause trouble? It's not like this is the first time you've come in here or waited for me to leave. And what do you mean you didn't like him? Do you know each other by any chance? Where's the Jungkook who says we shouldn't judge a book by it's cover?” Y/n was teasing him and he knew it, answering with a little shut up. About five minutes away down the road there was a small burger place. It wasn't the first time they went there to eat, she loved the burgers there and the space was heaven. When they sat down, the waiter took their order and went to get their drinks, returning two minutes later. They both said thank you, giving some sips on their coca cola’s. Jungkook broke off the silence first.

“So..you and the new guy seemed pretty close. Cool guy hm?”  

“His name is Namjoon and yes we got along quite well. You wanna know a fun fact? it was our first day working together officially. He started when I was on vacation and he’s been doing more day shifts with Sana. But yeah, he’s pretty nice. I was surprised, he’s younger than us but he’s pretty mature for his age and he made me laugh a lot today. It made my double shift a lot easier.” 

“Ohhh”. Jungkook gave a few sips on his drink. “Glad it only took him a few minutes for you to be able to feel comfortable with him. It took me ages for you to look at my face. No one would tell it was your first time working together. You must have really liked him” Was he jealous?

“There’s nothing going on between us if that’s what you’re trying to know.” Jungkook chocked on his drink and tried to look everywhere but her. “We made a great team today but that’s it. He’s not my type. Besides, Sana has a crush on him. I’d never do that to a friend of mine”. Jungkook understood the hint. When he was about so speak, the waiter came with their orders. He waited for him to leave again so he could say what he wanted. 

“I’m sorry” Y/n frowned. 

“Sorry? What for?”

"It was bad of me to come between you and Sewoon. It's a long story and I have to tell you all about it, but at the same time I want to respect your space and time. I should have talked to you as soon as I realized something was going on, but I was confused and--”  Y/n interrupted him.

“Were you happy? While you were with Sewoon I mean. Did she make you feel happy?” For the first time Jungkook didn't know what to answer because he genuinely didn't know. Looking back, he knows he was never in love with her, it was just a momentary thing. He realized this too late and now he’s paying for it. Y/n noticed his discomfort so she changed the subject. “This place is without a doubt the one with the best burgers. This is my second favorite place, I really enjoy coming here and this is sooooo good or maybe it's just me being so hungry.” She said, laughing at her own words. Jungkook laughed too. One of the things he never felt with Sewoon: lightness and tranquility. With her, everything was always a competition and based on image. Very controlled, very fake, very rehearsed.

During their meal, they talked about basic things related to life, work and dreams, ordered dessert and drank coffee. Jungkook paid their meals and even though Y/n refused he didn't listen, telling her to pay next time. When they got outside, Jungkook took out a cigarette and stayed like that, grabbing it. Y/n looked at him with a questioning face. 

"How come I didn’t know you smoked? I mean every time we went out I never noticed. I was so surprised to see you smoking the other day” 

"And you said you hadn't noticed me." He said laughing. "I don't smoke much, usually after coffee or when I'm nervous/anxious. I've always tried not to smoke around you because I know you don't like the smell, so I avoid it." 

"Is that why you haven't lit your cigarette yet?" Jungkook looked at the hand that had the cigarette between his fingers. "Maybe" he said wrinkling his nose, looking at her with those sweet bambi eyes. God help her because she can't stay away from this man much longer. During their way back to her work she expected him to light the cigarette, but at no point did he do so. She even told him that if he needed to smoke to do it, that she didn't have to be an obstacle simply because she didn't like it, to which he replied that there were priorities and at that moment smoking wasn't one of them. She didn't say anything back but Jungkook noticed the blush on her cheeks and the shy smile on her face.  

“I wasn’t happy” Y/n looked at him wondering what he meant by that. He keeps talking. “You asked me if I was happy with Sewoon and my answer is no. Everything was a facade between us and now I can see how dumb I was to call it love. There were no feelings between us, only physical attraction and illusions. I know I messed up bad by getting together with her Y/n and I wish I could take it back. Even though I didn’t know your feelings for me but it was wrong and you have no idea how bad I feel for hurting you, even without meaning to. I’m truly deeply sorry.” Y/n felt so bad for him. It was a mix of emotions and she just wanted to comfort him so she stopped walking, grabbed his arm and pulled him towards her, hugging him tight, whispering

"You're not to blame for anything. If anything I'm to blame because I was the one who didn't speak up." He moved away a little, although they were very close. "We don't control our feelings. It's not your fault that I fell in love with you just as it's not your fault that you felt something for Sewoon, just as I don't blame her for having something with you even though she knew about my feel--” She stopped talking when she saw his shocked face. His face changed drastically when she said Sewoon knew about her feelings, he was angry and you could see it. “Why are you looking at me like that?”  

“Sewoon knew? She knew and you still insisted on pushing her to me?!” He was mad. 

“What was I supposed to do? You’re my best friend and I was afraid of ruining it with you, then you wanted to meet her and I just couldn’t say no. I knew you two were perfect for each other. I- I didn’t want to be selfish- I -” 

“FOR ONCE Y/n. Just for once you should’ve been selfish! Do you have any idea of how hard this has been for me? just to know that you were the one who gave me to her just like that? Was I not enough for you, was that it?” 

“Jungkook, no... Wh- What are you saying? I was the one that wasn’t enough for YOU. That’s why I introduced you to her.” At this point Jungkook had already moved away quite a bit, running his hands through his hair.  

“You were more than enough Y/n. You just didn't bother to face what was in front of you. Why do you want everything to be given to you? Is it really that hard for you to take control of your life for once? You would’ve avoided so many things Y/n. But you know what? I'm glad it was this way, maybe you and I weren't meant to be after all and we’re just realizing this now.” He sighed. “C’mon, I need to go and you have to go work as well. 

The last minutes felt like hours. Y/n hadn't realized how things had gotten to that point, it wasn't possible to understand. She thought it was unfair that he was blaming her for not opening up, even though he was upset, but even so. When they arrived Y/n grabbed his arm once more. 

“Jungkook, you can’t leave like this. You can’t drive being all raged up right now. Talk to me, please. I know I should’ve been more honest about things but I was scared and- and it’s not like you gave me any signs of any feelings either. I wanted you to be happy desp-” he released himself from her grip.

“I did gave you signs Y/n! I fucking did!That's why I'm so messed up. I - The only reason why I approached Sewoon in the first place was to have a reaction from you and to know things I knew I couldn't ask you directly.” It was Y/n’s turn to be shocked. What? “I know you avoid relationships and everything related to boys because you’re scared. If I told you how I felt or what I wanted I was scared you'd run away from me like you always do so I kept giving you signs Y/n but I had no reaction from you at all. I knew who Sewoon was from some pictures on your Instagram so when I challenged you to introduce me to her I was testing waters, however, your indifference remained there. It's not just my fault. I took you on dates and you would dismiss it, saying it was just two best friends hanging out. I left work every day and waited for you every day. In my free time I would come here to keep you company and be close to you while I sketch things that I could easily do at home. I have a cafe in front of my store and yet I’m- Always- Here- You can't be that oblivious Y/n. You were the one to put a label on us every goddamn time! You say you’re in love with me? No Y/n you’re not, otherwise you wouldn’t have given up so damn fast and give me to your best friend like a damn trophy the moment she asked. Hurts to know that I didn't deserve a second thought.” Y/n could only look at him. He looked so damn honest and he was so disappointed in her. There was hurt all over his face and that was killing her. She wanted to say something but she couldn’t so she did what she always does: let him go. 

She shouldn't have let him go. The rest of the day was fulfilled with anxiety and guilt. Every day she discovered new things and every time she thought her and Jungkook were stepping forward, they took five steps back. She was ruining everything good she had ever dreamed of with her cowardice and lack of communication. She should've gone after him, yet pride got the best of her.

Like always. 

After the argument he got in the car and left. At first she tried not to think about it too much, but then she felt the guilt consume her. When she was alone with just a few clients, she sent several texts to Jungkook, apologizing for the way things happened, for them to talk and clear things up once and for all.

No response.

Lisa was going to spend the night out, so once again she found herself alone in that giant apartment. Without thinking she called Jungkook, going straight to voicemail all the six times she tried. The only positive thing was that the next day it'd be her day off and she’d try to talk to Jungkook and clear things up.

Hopefully

The next day Y/n woke up with a huge weight beside her bed. When she opened her eyes she saw Lisa looking at her with a smile from ear to ear.

"Good morning, sunshine. I'm going to do something crazy and I want you to come with me. Hurry up, get even more pretty and let's go. If I’m late and loose my turn I'm going to kill you.”  

That's what consisted being friends with Lisa: waiting for her to wake her up at 9:30 in the morning for something that had popped into her mind out of pure spontaneity was just an example of it. She was adventurous and left nothing undone or unsaid because, according to her, you only live once and she would rather regret what she didn't do than everything she tried and failed at.

That's how at 10 in the morning Y/n found herself in front of the tattoo shop where Jungkook works. The only thing she wanted to do was turn around and leave. Gosh, he's been ignoring her attempts to contact him, how could she just walk in there like nothing was happening? She remembers talking to Lisa about getting tattoos. She never had courage for it, besides, Sewoon would tell her all the time they wouldn't suit her, thus she gave up of the idea. Lisa encouraged her, saying that when she did hers Y/n would do it too, but now, her stomach was churning and it seemed like the only thing that was going to come out was vomit. When they arrived at the entrance Y/n stopped. 

“I can’t go in with you. I’m sorry” 

“What do you mean you can’t? You can’t leave me alone at it. Also, I booked you a session so you have to show up.” Lisa said innocently.  

“You knew Jungkook works here, didn't you? You little bi--” 

“Hey hey hey. There’s no time for that my friend. We're about to get hotter and have something marked on us. Let’s go.” She was fucked.   Lisa linked her arm with her and they walked inside. It was a very peaceful place, with drawings on display, music playing and a diffuser. Of course. Jungkook was addicted to smells and very weird about them too.

The first person they saw was the red-haired lady Y/n had seen close to Jungkook the other day. Seen up close, she was even more stunning. Since Lisa was the one scheduling the session, the red-haired who introduced herself as Athena went to talk to Lisa to see what was she interested in. As she talked to her about the type of tattoo she wanted, presenting some sketches too for her to choose, Y/n looked around, praying she wouldn't see Jungkook while being there. 

“What about you? What kind of design did you think of?” She asked Y/n, giving her a genuine smile. "First time? You don't have to stress about it honey, it's most likely for you not to feel a thing"

“Ohh I didn’t think of anything... You see I was totally caught up on this. I didn't know I was coming so I didn'--- "

“Her idea was to make a semicolon on her wrist. Something simple. Y/n, babe, we talked about this. You’re not gonna chicken out right?” Y/n looked at her friend and her answer shocked herself more than anyone else in the room. “Okay. Yes you’re right Lisa. I’m already here so why not?” Lisa opened her mouth, closing it up immediately, smiling. Change comes with little steps. 

One step at a time

Athena showed Lisa some ideas until she finally chose what she liked the most. She was getting a sternum tattoo and the sketch Athena did was a piece of art, all those lines and details were just too perfect. She then excused herself to pick something up, disappearing for about 2 minutes, that's all it took for disaster to happen. While they were waiting for her to return they saw Jungkook walk through the door with two coffees. As he placed them on a small table in the entrance, Y/n realizes he didn't see them there, at least not until Athena returned to the room and spoke to him, causing him to look up where they were standing.

"Yooh Jkaay I'm glad you got here. Can you finish this design for me? I have these two pretty ladies here and the client will come by later to see if the drawing is ready but there are some parts I'm having trouble getting right, can you help me with this?” As soon as Jungkook looked up, he met Y/n's gaze, which was already focused on him. He had no reaction. “Hey lover boy. I know they’re pretty but I’m kinda waiting for an answer here” 

“Hmmm.. Oh yeah- yes. You can leave it there I’ll be sure to give it a look.” his gaze was intense as it met yours but didn't say anything, as if he didn't know you. Athena thanked him and directed the two of them to a large room. While her friend took her shirt off and laid down on her back, Athena settled everything on the sterilized table. Y/n was inspecting the drawings on the wall, realizing Jungkook's signature on the end of all of them. After placing the artwork where Lisa wanted Athena grabbed the tattoo machine, filling the room with the sounds the needles working and Y/n got scared. She was sure that was gonna hurt. 10 minutes in there's a knock on the door. After Athena replied, Jungkook walked in the room with what Y/n thought was the drawing she asked him to check. 

“This is fantastic Kook. If the idiot doesn't like it I'll have it myself. It's incredible." Jungkook smiled and looked at Y/n and then at Athena again. "This is going to be a lot of work Ath. It's full of details and has such a thin line. You have to be careful not to smudge as you clean it." 

"I know, I hadn't realized that. It's going to be a challenge but it'll look cool on her body. I still have her friend to tattoo but that’s something small and quick.”  Jungkook looked at her way.

“I can do it. I’m free and won’t have any client until noon.” Y/n froze in the moment. No fucking way. 

"I can wait. It's okay, really." Jungkook looked at her, picked up some still-closed material and opened the door. "Come on, I'll take care of it." And for a second, Y/n didn't know how to breathe anymore

Jungkook was waiting for her to follow him. When he noticed she wasn't moving at all he called out for her name again. Unconsciously, Y/n ended up getting up and going after him but she didn't leave without looking at the place Athena and Lisa were, noticing the strange expression Athena made. Had Jungkook ever mentioned her?

He went ahead, taking her to a more private room which was on the first floor. It was quite far from all the other rooms and common area. When they arrived there, he motioned for her to sit in front of what she assumed was Jungkook's desk. There were photos of several people, she doesn’t remember meeting any of them until one got her attention: it was a picture of Jungkook and Sewoon together. He was wearing white and she was wearing a black dress. She remembers this day very well- It was in the beginning of their relationship and Sewoon was having a party with her agency and Jungkook was her date, they were both so pretty and cuddly and looked so into each other. Jungkook was treating her like a princess and it was the first time Y/n felt anger towards her best friend. She cried all night after getting home, spying Sewoon's instagram and all the love-dovey pics she was posting. What a night

He sat on the chair in front of Y/n, behind his desk to sketch what she wanted to tattoo when he noticed where her eyes were wandering at, grabbing the picture and putting it in a drawer. She didn’t say anything, looking everywhere but him. 

“According to Athena you wanted just a simple semicolon on your wrist, right? So I did sketch want you wanted but added something more. If you don’t like it or want it you can say it and I'll do just what you initially wanted okay?” Jungkook showed her a design of a semicolon with a butterfly wing around it. It was honestly so beautiful. She remembers saying to him one time she identified herself as a butterfly, because no matter the situation she was going through she could always adapt herself and learn from it. Did he remember that?

“I- I love it Jungkook. This is so pretty and personal, I- Thank you, this is amazing. I’ll have it that way”  

“Are you sure? It’s gonna be there forever” 

“I’m 100% sure. Start this before I lose my courage” Jungkook gave her a nod, taking the paper and putting it on her skin with some wet liquid. He could tell she was nervous so he told her when he was about to start. “If you need me to stop let me know. We have time okay?” Y/n nodded  

“You have amazing sketches here. Not that I didn't know but you're super talented, I feel grateful that it’s you doing this on me. When you become a world-renowned artist I'm gonna brag about it, I’m already warning you.” After their fight yesterday, Y/n was trying to ease the tension between them but he was making it hard. She missed Jungkook and wanted to clear things up with him. She was done with all the confusion and misunderstandings, however, Jungkook remained in silence. “Please Jungkook I’m trying. I miss you. I miss us. I don’t even understand what happened yesterday and I’m sorry for hurting you in any way. I’m tired of this! You're driving me crazy by leaving me in this void. I'm not like this Jk, you know it. I don't care about boys but just the thought of losing you is killing me. That's the effect you have on me!”  He wasn’t paying attenton to her at all, or maybe he was just ignoring her on purpose, either ways she was getting more and more frustrated and did her best to keep her tears to herself since she couldn't get out of there. With her free hand, she surreptitiously wiped her eyes with her shirt sleeve. What she didn’t know was that Jungkook was paying attention to all her movements.

“I’m sorry. I talk a lot with my clients for them to relax a bit but with you... I feel like if I talk I'm not gonna be able to concentrate and I don’t want to mess this up. You make me nervous just with your presence. That's the effect you have on me Y/n. When it comes to you I can't separate things”  

"I could’ve waited for Athena to do it. Actually I think it’d be better, given the situation we are at right now. Damn Jungkook I put my guard down for you and now you're treating me like this, what for? You criticize me for avoiding things, yet you're doing the exact same thing, it's not fair. You can't say whatever you want, make me feel bad and then do the same to me. I know I messed up somewhere. I know I should've been braver, but you are such a special and necessary part of my life that I was afraid of you not feeling the same way, could break everything we built so far, which is stupid right now because that's exactly what happened. There is no way we can go back to what we were before” By the time she ended her speech, Jungkook was already putting the final touches on the tattoo, being done with it. Both of them remained silenced until he had picked up the tattoo protection to place it around her skin. 

“Let’s do it then. Let’s put everything on the table and be honest because honestly I can’t handle this anymore too. Where do you want me to start? From the day we first met? I had the shittiest day ever it was raining so much. That’s what made me stop at the coffee shop. Then you looked absolutely gorgeous standing there looking at me and when you noticed I was staring back and pretended to have lost an earring, that caught my attention, how innocent and naive you looked. Then I started to get to know you better and it was it for me. It was so hard not to fall for you. I kept taking you out to places but you always friendzoned me somehow, I would tell you about non existing dates to see your reaction but you always had the same posture, I came to terms that it was a one-sided thing. Then Sewoon happened. When you introduced us, honestly I was very straightforward with her. I asked her about you, if you liked someone if you ever talked about me, you know, something to give me hope. But the answers she gave me weren’t the ones I expected to hear and I was so disappointed.” Y/n's system was soon on alert.  

“What- - What did she tell you?”  Jungkook took a while to answer which was making her impatient. She was about to lose her mind.  

“She told me you were seeing someone and it was getting serious. That she was sorry but wouldn’t get in the way. After that, we kept talking a little more and when I was about to leave she was the one asking me to go out with her. Just a simple date so I said yes, maybe that would help me take my mind of you.  Then things happened and time skipped and we broke up and yeah I didn’t take that well because no one likes to feel they failed at something, but I’m so glad we did. We didn’t align in anything, we fought a lot behind doors. Then came the party you and Sewoon went. I was already there remember? You looked so sad and the first thing I remembered was the guy you were supposed to be seeing. I was hoping you were long gone with the dude but the way you were acting and how you were talking to me ended up confirming Sewoon’s words about you and that special someone and I--- I lost my mind.”  

“So you ended up kissing Sewoon to relieve all that anger, right?”  She got up and slowly turned her way towards the door when Jungkook grabbed her arm.

“That was a terrible mistake. As soon as I realized what I did I stepped back immediately. After that I looked everywhere for you, but I didn’t found you. When I did, you told me you were leaving with someone and that was it. I tried talking to you all night but your phone was either out of reach or you wouldn’t respond.”  There's this awkward silence until one of them spok again.

“That night broke me Jungkook. You broke me. I was there, I was hurt and you noticed something was up but all your eyes were looking at was Sewoon. I wished so many times it was me you were kissing, holding, touching. I'd see you with her and all I imagined was us. That was so toxic of me, that's why I left, because I couldn't see you leave with her knowing the next day I'd know everything about it."

They didn't realize how close they were until they felt each other's breath hitting their faces. Y/n doesn't know when things changed, but since the night at the restaurant there is something that pushes them towards each other. She gets a strange feeling in her belly, in her chest… down there. It's strange, she never felt something like this for anyone and it was confusing her. She knows if he asked her something she'd do it on the spot. It seems like Jungkook could feel the tension either because the hand that was previously on her arm was now around her waist, while the other caressed the right side of her face tucking some hair behind her ear. It was then that she felt the distance between them getting shorter and shorter, when all of a sudden they heard someone knock on the door, opening it, revealing Athena's slightly confused figure.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt, I heard voices and came to check if you were okay, as it's not usual for you to bring anyone here. I-- hmm- just wanted to let you know that I finished Lisa's piece and we're downstairs drinking some coffee and talking in case you'd want to join us when you finished whatever you were.... doing, but no pressure, make yourself comfortable, I didn't see anything. Use protection, okay? You still have a life to enjoy before any surprises." Jungkook made a desperate sound looking at Athena and throwing something at her

"Don't be an idiot, it's not what it looks like and you know it. Anyone hearing you talk would think you see me doing a lot of dirty things here. Work is work and I take it very seriously." Jungkook paused, glacing at Y/n, just to speak again. " We'll meet you downstairs in 10 minutes, I just need to finish explaining how she should handle this in the next few days." Athena hummed, giving them a nod before leaving. However, they heard her tell Lisa that - they were busy and would probably take longer to joy them- They knew she spoke loud for them to hear. Jungkook went to a drawer and took out a cream, handing it to Y/n.

"For the next three days you must avoid direct sunlight on the area. This protection should last for 24 hours, then you can remove it in the shower or by wetting the area with warm water, drying it well and applying the cream two or three times a day. If you feel any itching, that's normal, but if you see red spots around it let me know so I can check it out. But in principle, everything should be fine." Y/n nodded and thanked him, grabbing her wallet, heading towards the door but stopped halfway and turned around, facing Jungkook.

"Did you sleep with Sewoon here?"those words came out faster than Y/n could control. Why the hell did she ask that. Jungkook wasn't expecting that either, because his mouth opened and closed several times, not knowing what to answer, a little embarrassed. This gave Y/n a feeling that maybe the answer was yes. "Never mind, sorry, I don't know why I asked this. Forget it." She turned around again ready to open the door. She was about to do so when a hand above her head slammed the door shut again with a bang.

"Why do you always put me in difficult positions? It's past and - aiish- No Y/n, I didn't. This is my office, my space, my privacy, I don't bring anyone for anything more than work, not even Sewoon. This wasn't exactly the space she liked to frequent the most" Y/n nodded.

"I don't know why I asked, I'm sorry. Being here knowing that you and her were- you know- that would be just weird and gross. I mean, who knows what kind of "things" would be around here and-- Okay, nevermind. How about we go down? They're waiting for us and will start thinking stuff about us being here."

"So? Let them think what they want to think.. I'm not bothered at all. Are you?" When Y/n was about to answer, the door opened without warning revealing an excited Athena again, but she didn't realize that when she opened the door she had hit Y/n with it. "Shit Ath be careful. Knock before coming in. Jesus"

"Dude, I don't know what the situation is between you two, but behind the door is definitely not the best place. Been there, done that. It's interesting but not comfortable. Also, why are you so bothered by the knocking thing all of a sudden? That was never a rule. Just put something on the door handle to when you're busy doing other things. That's what I do with your broth-"

"Aiiiishh Athena. I'm not really interested in what you and my brother do or don't do, How disgusting. We were just talking! Stop being nosy and up on my ass. What's the matter with you today? why are you always coming here thought? You never care when I’m upstairs”

“Well you’re always by yourself, there’s nothing for me to pry on. Either way, I came here to tell you that the client you had for noon called to inform he’s no longer able to come. His wife went into labour, so you’re free for now”

“Well at least is for some good reasons. I’ll call him up later to reschedule.” Athena would steal glances from Jungkook to Y/n with a funny look, trying to see something she could pick up to tease them more “Anyway, I think I’ll grab lunch with Lisa. She’s pretty rad. Do you wanna come?” It was Y/n’s turn to speak

“I actually have some things to get done, but you go and have fun. Maybe we can grab a coffee later?” All she wanted was to run. After that stupid question she made she just wanted somewhere to hide.

“Of course, just give me your number. It’ll be easier” they both switched numbers and Athena gave a final goodbye to her, giving her a hug and winking to Jungkook, whispering behave before shutting the door completely. What the hell.

“So... The girls are leaving and you probably have things to do too so I should get going as well. I have to meet up with Joon, he asked me if I could stop by so hmmm, yeah. Thanks for your time. If - if I have any questions I’ll pass by. Thank you once again." This was her cue to leave. Uttering those words she was out of the door, running down the stairs getting closer and closer to the main door but when she reached it, it was locked.

Goddamn it!

She was thinking about calling Lisa to turn around and wait for her when she heard footsteps behind her. She didn't dare to look back but in question of minutes she felt Jungkook's chest against her back, hearing him whisper

"Why are you always in such a rush when it comes to me? What are you so afraid of?" Jungkook turned her around to face him. "Let yourself go Y/n. For me, for you, for us. We've been over the friendship thing for a while now, don't you think? No matter how much you try to deny it, the attraction is here" He was so close to her she could feel his heartbeat.

"I can't" She whispered. "Everytime I look at you I get myself reminded of how you used to be with Sewoon. There was her before me and I can't compare. I can't erase that image of my head. I- I want to forget, but I can't"

"I'll help you forget. Let me help you forget, but mainly let me show you how there's no comparison between you and her" They were so close and there was so much desire so she let herself go and feel all she wanted, grabbing Jungkook by the hem of his grey shirt and closing the distance between them. The response to the kiss was automatic. Y/n felt Jungkook kiss her back as if he had already been waiting for this moment. Slowly at first, like they were testing each other, until he slowly pushed her against the door, placing his hand behind her neck, deepening the kiss. She never had a kiss like that. At this point she felt the entire zoo inside her and she was aware of everything around her: of how Jungkook's hands were hovering over her body, how their mouths were thirsty for each other, the way their bodies were so close yet so far.

It was just them and their desire for each other. And at that moment that was all that mattered.

Bonus: The famous tattoos made

Lisa’s OC'S

You're welcome ;)

Tags: @esposadomd @joonlover1207 @eegyo @furrywonderlandwolf @minghaosimp @differentrunawayperson @nikkinikj @jksusawife @jk97bam @cryingoverpixelsetc @bhonbhon @lostinneocity @almostpurplelady @meowforluv @imagine-this-motherfucker @jk-190811 @cryingoverpixelsetc @11thenightwemet11 @rinkud @ayatie97 @jk-190811 @shaku1995 @blueberriesm @darkangelfei

[777bae]

WINNING WITH YOU JAMES HAGENS

Summary :: James is relentless—grinning, pleading, pulling out every trick in the book to get you into a matching outfit for the hockey event. You refuse, of course. But when he wraps you up in his warmth, whispering promises and pressing soft kisses to your temple, resistance starts to feel impossible. (REQUESTED :: prompt 2)

Warnings :: kissing

Word count :: 1.4k

James has always had a way of getting under your skin, but not in the annoying way that people usually do. He knows exactly what to say and how to say it, how to get you to crack a smile even when you’re in one of those moods where you’d rather not be bothered. His charm isn’t the loud, in-your-face kind—it’s quieter, more subtle. It’s in the way he knows when you need space, and when you need him to just be there. And when he wants something, he has a way of asking for it that’s impossible to refuse, even if you know exactly what he’s doing.

That’s how it’s been with James. Over the years, you’ve gotten used to his brand of sweetness—his inability to let you shut him out, his relentless, puppy-dog persistence when there’s something he wants. The truth is, you’ve come to love it, even though you’d never admit it aloud. It’s almost like you’re his project to fix, and he takes it on like a challenge. The grumpy girl who won’t let anyone get close? He’s the guy who smiles through it, wins you over, and somehow always manages to soften you up.

Tonight, though, there’s something different in the air. There’s a certain spark of energy about him that you can’t ignore. He’s been talking about this hockey event for weeks, hyping it up like it’s the most important thing on the planet. It’s one of those high-energy, all-you-can-eat-in-the-luxury-suite kind of events that feels a little too extravagant for your taste. Still, you’ve agreed to go, mostly because he’s so excited, and you know he’ll make it fun no matter how much you try to pretend you’re not interested.

But tonight, you can tell there’s something he’s not saying. Something that’s been hanging in the air all evening, making you feel like you’re on the edge of a cliff, waiting for him to push you over the edge.

“Babe,” James calls from the bedroom, his voice breaking through your quiet solitude on the couch. You’re curled up in your oversized hoodie, scrolling through your phone aimlessly, trying not to get sucked into his excitement. But it’s hard to ignore him when he calls you like that—soft and warm, just the way he always does when he wants something. “I need your opinion on something.”

You sigh, glancing up. You can’t say you’re thrilled at the thought of actually moving from your cozy spot, but something in his tone makes you curious. You set your phone aside, the fabric of the couch soft beneath you as you push yourself up. “Hmm?”

You step into the bedroom, fully prepared for whatever nonsense he’s about to present to you. You know him well enough by now to know that when he looks like this—excited, eager, almost like a kid—it’s usually because he has a plan. You find him standing there, holding up two matching outfits, the kind of thing that makes your stomach twist into a knot of reluctance. One is a black-and-white jersey combo, the other a sleek, custom hoodie and scarf with your names stitched across the back. He’s smiling at you like he’s about to hand you the keys to a treasure chest.

“What do you think?” he asks, practically bouncing on his heels. His grin is wide, his energy so contagious it’s hard to ignore. “I was thinking we could totally match tonight. You’ll look amazing, I swear. It’ll be fun, we’ll totally be that couple.”

You blink, and for a moment, your expression freezes, the weight of indifference pulling at you. The idea of showing up to this loud, chaotic event, in a matching outfit with him, isn’t exactly thrilling. In fact, it sounds like your personal nightmare. Matching outfits are the kind of thing you only see on cheesy Instagram couples or at family photoshoots. Not on you. Not tonight.

You cross your arms, giving him the best skeptical look you can muster. You know you’re probably going to give in, but you’re determined to hold out a little longer. “I’m good with my hoodie, thanks.”

James doesn’t even flinch. Instead, he steps closer, his grin growing wider as he steps into your space, his hands gently gripping your wrists. The way he looks at you, with that unwavering certainty in his eyes, could melt any resistance you’ve got left. His face is inches from yours, and you can feel his warmth radiating against your skin. It makes everything feel like it’s in slow motion. “Come on, baby,” he says, his voice dropping lower, teasing and coaxing at once. “You know you wanna. You’ll be the hottest girl there, I promise. All eyes will be on us.”

You scoff, but you can’t help the flicker of amusement that crosses your face. The thought of matching with him—really matching—does have its appeal. Walking into that suite with him, proud and smiling, drawing every eye in the room. You can’t deny that it’s kind of a power move. Still, you’re not ready to give in. Not yet.

“I said no,” you mutter, trying your hardest to sound firm, even though a tiny part of you already knows you’re going to cave.

But James isn’t backing down. His eyes spark with determination, a mischievous glint dancing in his gaze. Without another word, he pulls you into his arms, wrapping you up in that warm, comforting embrace that’s always been able to quiet your thoughts. His body against yours feels like a solid, grounding force, and you can’t help but relax into it. His voice drops to a near-whisper as he presses his lips to the top of your head.

“Just one time, baby,” he murmurs, the words practically spilling from his lips. “I promise, you’ll love it. We’ll match, and I’ll be the happiest guy ever. We’ll show up and you can make fun of me all night. Just please?”

You feel your resistance start to crack. That quiet pressure in his voice, the way he holds you, the little bit of vulnerability you hear in his plea—it makes it harder than usual to say no. You lean into him, letting the warmth of his embrace seep in. You feel him press a soft kiss to your temple, his lips lingering there just long enough for you to know he’s not going to let this go.

It’s like he’s been waiting for this moment, knowing exactly how to break you down without being too pushy. He’s got that damn look in his eyes again—the one that makes you feel like you’re the most important thing in the world to him. And you know he’s been planning this, picturing the two of you together, smiling and laughing, living this little adventure of his.

With a sigh, you pull back just enough to look at him, trying to maintain your air of annoyance. But you know you’re fighting a losing battle. You can’t deny the way your heart warms whenever he looks at you like this.

“Fine,” you mutter under your breath, barely audible. “I’ll wear the damn matching hoodie.”

James’s face lights up like you’ve just given him a gift. His eyes widen, and his smile stretches even further, if that’s even possible. He looks at you like you’ve just made his whole day. He takes a step back, still holding onto your arms, but now with the excitement of a kid on Christmas morning.

“Really?” he asks, the joy in his voice impossible to hide.

You can’t help the small smile tugging at the corners of your lips. You cross your arms, trying to act unaffected. “Yeah, but I’m only doing this because you’re cute,” you admit, your voice barely more than a whisper.

James’s grin widens so much you’re pretty sure his face might hurt. Without missing a beat, he leans in and presses a quick kiss to your lips, this one lingering a little longer than the others. It’s soft, sweet, and the taste of victory is on his lips. His hands gently pull the hoodie over your head, and as you stand there, looking at him in his matching set, you can’t help but feel a sense of…rightness.

There’s something about this—something simple and silly—that you wouldn’t trade for anything else. James, with all his charm and persistence, has a way of making these moments feel special, even when you try to fight it.

“Come on,” he says, tugging your hand and guiding you toward the door. “Let’s go show them what a couple of winners look like.”

And as you step into the night, the matching outfits now your shared armor, you can’t help but smile. It’s moments like this—small, spontaneous, and filled with laughter—that remind you why you love him so much.

[jelliewrites]

Rec List — The Adult Industry Edition!

That's right, all the below fics feature Harry or Draco (mostly Draco tbf) working in the sex industry. Please mind the tags for any fic you click on.

You always open (petal by petal) by birdsofshore

Explicit | 65 214

Summary: Harry’s not the kind of person who pays for sex. He really isn’t. Until he is.

This is one of my favourite ever fics featuring Down and Out Draco and an obsessed but delightfully oblivious Harry.

Fantastic Flip Fuck with Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy! by @hoko-onchi-writes

Explicit | 10 898

Summary: Draco fucks Harry. Harry fucks Draco. They are porn stars. That's it.

This is a hugely fun fic where Harry and Draco are porn stars.

Another Mask Behind You by @letteredlettered

Explicit | 116 557

Summary: Draco is a high-end prostitute who hides his identity. Harry unknowingly hires him. And then there is porn, questions about identity, domestic bliss, more porn, and truth as seen through a web of lies. (And then more porn. Seriously, if you don’t want sex scene after sex scene you probably shouldn’t read this. And please read the warnings.)

Another of my absolute favourites, Draco is an escort in disguise hired by Harry. Draco is a fantastically unreliable narrator and the smut is epic.

Nonymity by @shewhomustnotbenamed

Explicit | 11 304

Summary: Anonymity and Harry Potter rarely went hand-in-hand. When he learned about a sex club that hid both the patron's and the sex workers' identities, he knew he had to try. Little did he know that the club had a dark secret.

I came across this little gem while compiling this rec list. It's refreshing to read a first person fic and it handles consent really well.

Freedom to be by @quicksilvermaid

Explicit | 169 560

Summary: Harry Potter is the Boy Who Lived.

12 years after the war, he's become the Boy Who Lived For Everyone Else. He has the perfect wife. The perfect house. The perfect job. The perfect friends.

Only nothing feels perfect.

Until one day he stumbles across a club called Release and begins a journey of self-discovery that takes him to a very different place.

Don't want to give any spoilers on this one but there's a BDSM club!

Unhook the Stars by Jad

Explicit | 70 587

Summary: For HP Sexstars 2012. - "Love is like a Rubix Cube: there are countless wrong twists and turns, but once you get it right, it's perfect no matter how you look at it." Seventy-thousand words of pornographic discourse between two boys-turned-men that still haven't learned how to communicate like normal people – with words. Guest appearances by Pansy Parkinson, Neville Longbottom, Hermione Granger, Blaise Zabini, Teddy Lupin, Gregory Goyle, the Weird Sisters, ex-wives, several Weasleys, a Boggart, and a Honey Badger.

Another of my top favourite fics and an absolute classic, Draco is an escort hired by Harry.

Camboy Draco by A_LoveUnlaced

Mature | Art

Summary: Draco is living in the muggle world, working as a cam boy. And he's very, very good at his job.

Some top quality art next. Sadly the fic it is inspired by is no longer in A03, but it kind of reminds me of...

Come As You Are by @its-the-allure

Explicit | 35 016

Summary: When Harry Potter visits a sexy internet chatroom site, he does so with the hope of answering a niggling question: Am I interested in men? He finds more than he anticipated when he stumbles upon a free strip show starring a very familiar person. Just what is Draco Malfoy doing on a Muggle pay-per-view site? And when did he get so fucking fit?

... this super fic which also featured Draco on webcam and stunning art by @itsphantasmagoria

I'm in Love with a Stripper by @kbrick

Explicit | 79 576

Summary: Harry's life is a bit of a disaster across the board, but it's particularly messy when it comes to love. Because Harry might have feelings for his best friend, and he definitely has feelings for his best friend's brother, and he sometimes sleeps with his other friend, for whom he has no feelings whatsoever. Then things somehow manage to get even more complicated when Draco Malfoy twerks his way back into Harry's life one night at a muggle strip club.

Because as it turns out, Draco's a stripper. And he's gotten really, really fit. And his sugar daddy is a married club owner.

What could possibly go wrong?

Draco Malfoy is a stripper! Nuff said 🩷

Embers by @shiftylinguini

Explicit | 25 195

Summary: Werewolf Alphas aren't meant to be alone, or to suppress their ruts indefinitely like Draco has been since he was bitten eight years ago. He needs company, companionship, to knot ― he needs an Omega Heat Companion. At least, that’s what the Healers say, and even Draco can admit contacting the person they’ve referred him to might be nice.

Of course it turns out to be bloody Potter.

This time it's Harry providing his services to Werewolf Draco 🐺

I'm looking for a man in finance. 6'5". Grey eyes by @vukovich

Explicit | 7 728

Summary: Harry's a part-time sex worker. Draco's a piece of shit.

I will read anything this author writes, even a shopping list. This is a great fic which constantly challenges the readers' expectations.

In the Red by @bixgirl1

Explicit | 45 629

When Harry goes looking for a vampire at a Creature club, the second-to-last thing Harry expects is to find Malfoy working there.

The last thing he expects is to fall in love with him.

And finally we have Vampire Draco working in a creature club.