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blucmoon · 3 years ago

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━ ☾ ⊹ ( im jaebum, cis male , he/him ) say hello to AE YONGGUK, the TWENTY SIX YEAR OLD that seems to have a lot in his hands with HIS job as a STALL OWNER, DRUMMER AND OCCASIONAL BARTENDER! beyond that, they seemed RESPONSIBLE AND TRUSTWORTHY upon first glance. i heard someone say they’re sort of EVASIVE AND INSECURE though. HE seems to live in a 4 BEDROOM HOUSE in YUNHWA, SOUTH KOREA. anything else to add? oh, yeah! he also RUNS A STALL CALLED “KODACHROME” WHERE HE TAKES PHOTOS FOR IDS, SELLS PRINTS AS WELL AS BOOKS SESSIONS FOR PHOTOSHOOTS.

basic information

full name: ae yongguk

nickname(s): guk, yonggu (hasn’t figured out why)

age: 25

date of birth: january 6th, 1995

birthplace: seoul, south korea.

hometown: yunhwa, south korea.

current location: yunhwa, south korea.

ethnicity: asian.

nationality: korean

gender: cismale

pronouns: he / him

orientation: demiromantic, bisexual.

occupation: stall owner and drummer of a band called “crux”. sometimes he helps at his aunt’s bar in busan for some extra money.

living arrangements: house #4012, hwesakgu.

language(s) spoken: korean, english (conversational)

physical appearance

faceclaim: got7’s im jaebum “jb”

hair color: like almost everyone, he has naturally brown hair but throughout the years he’s dyed it blonde or black a couple of times. right now, it’s black and he has managed to grow it to a length he really likes below his chin. yongguk can be usually seen with his hair down and every so often he puts it up in a half updo. whenever the band has a gig, he exerts a little more effort (even if most of the time it doesn’t pay off).

eye color: brown. (likes colored contacts every now and then)

height: 179 cm

weight: 66 kg

build: lean person, with a good muscular frame.

distinguishing characteristics: two beauty marks right next to each other on his left eyelid.

tattoos: has a full sleeve on his left arm from shoulder down to a little above his wrist and another one his right forearm.

piercings: lobe and upper lobe in both ears, anti-tragus on the left one, double helix on the right, anti-eyebrow and nose on the right side of the face (won’t ever use jewelry during the day though).

clothing style: while he’s working at the stall he has a more casual style consisting of jeans, cargos, pants, button downs, sweaters. likes layering with denim shirts, flannels, jackets, windbreakers over t-shirts, etc. mostly in earthy colors, dark reds and blues, white, gray and black. no matter what though, he will always wear long sleeves, even in the hottest summer days and never roll them up, going to these lengths just to not draw any unnecessary attention. (he’s even gotten a fair amount of rash guards for those occasions when he feels like going for a swim.)

at the bar or at gigs, he’s usually clad in all black or dark tones. sleeveless shirts or those with short sleeves are his go-to, not nearly as concerned to conceal the ink over his arms from the public eye at night. he likes to choose style and comfort when performing, thus splurging a little more on his nightly outfits rather than those he uses on the daily. leather and denim jackets, bombers, sometimes harnesses, jeans in either black or leather, boots, sneakers, muscle shirts, graphic t-shirts, shirts with the first buttons undone and rolled up sleeves in dark, rich colors. style varies from street fashion to grunge to rocker depending on how he feels.

health

sleeping habits: goes to sleep really late but has no trouble waking up early to go to to work, though for the first couple of hours he’s awake and if he has gotten 4-5 hours only, he’d be kind of silent and unresponsive until getting that first cup of coffee. will likely nap before his shift at the bar only for an hour and a half tops.

eating habits: eats 3 - 4 times a day and gets easily hungry between meals. often seen snacking whatever he can.

exercise habits: doesn’t really exercise much constantly, but on the weekends he likes hiking or running around town.

emotional stability: 6/10

body temperature: average

addictions: none

drug use: experimentally a couple of times, hasn’t done it in a while.

alcohol use: socially, medium-high tolerance.

personality

label: the opaque (unable to be figured out; hiding behind a façade; not transparent.)

positive traits: reliable, responsible, hard-working, trustworthy, loyal, thoughtful, generous, creative, passionate, artistic, caring, considerate, devoted.

negative traits: defensive, evasive, cautious, indecisive, defiant, self-doubt, fluctuating self-esteem, conflict-averse, private, self-conscious, sensitive, unpredictable.

hobbies: starting songs he never finishes, watching the same show every year (avatar the last airbender) as well as his comfort movies, cloud/star gazing, jigsaw puzzles, origami, video games, playing guitar sometimes.

habits: knuckle cracking, muttering under his breath, snacking between meals, rubbing hands together, jaw clenching, gesturing while talking, rubbing the back of his neck, running hands through hair, drumming fingers, sings along to songs and sings gibberish for the parts he doesn’t know, doodles on any paper at reach, dozes off when bored/daydreams, bobs his leg while sitting.

zodiac sign: sun capricorn, moon pisces, rising scorpio (read as: impending disaster)

mbti: infp

enneagram: 6w5

temperament: melancholic

hogwarts house: ravenclaw

moral alignment: chaotic good

primary vice: wrath

primary virtue: diligence

element: water

expanded personality

yongguk has a strong tendency to appear quiet and reserved and it might come off as standoffish or easily confused with snoberish, which makes it worse when he doesn’t go out of his way to change this preconception about him. he needs a great deal of personal space, both physically and mentally, and any attempt to control him or forcibly schedule his activities will only strengthen his need for time alone.

he’s responsible, trustworthy and hardworking. relies heavily on his intuition to guide him and knows how to patiently wait as well as how to adapt to any circumstances. in yunhwa, he’s been forced to learn how to interact with the townsfolk and through the years he’s mastered the front he puts on in order to remain below the radar and not get any unnecessary attention; polite, helpful, sometimes even considered as a sweet guy, yongguk has no problem lending a hand to anyone that needs it.

however, in busan, his adaptability is also handy when it comes to dealing with customers. at the same time, it’s in these moments when he feels a little less restrained and allows himself to be less calculative: flirty, playful, sometimes misleading… he’s gotten in several problems because of this and yet he has no plans to stop it anytime soon.

yongguk is a little insecure and with a fluctuating self-esteem: sometimes he’s very well aware and confident on his skills and assets, but other times he will second-guess everything about himself. this combined with an strong fear of failure that stems from poor past decisions, makes him hesitate when it comes to making important calls that could potentially affect his future, but he knows how to play it off… most of the times.

despite appearing simple at a glance, yongguk is more than what meets the eye. friendly but private, polite but passionate about his beliefs, calm and sometimes expressionless. it’s not that he doesn’t have feelings - he actually runs quite deep and strong - it’s just that he conceals them under a mask of politeness because he’s unsure how to deal with them; he’s restrained when it comes to conveying emotion, but has a very deep care for his peers. might be awkward and uncomfortable with expressing himself verbally, but has a wonderful ability to define and reveal what he’s feeling on paper.

yongguk is genuinely interested in understanding others, a good listener, but will exclusively share his sorrows and woes only with the friends he trusts the most, unafraid to display his best and worst with them. his natural intuition allows him to sense the mood without the need of words. however, he can be quite impressionable and be easily influenced by the moods of others, which may often lead him to feel overwhelmed because of this.

incredibly curious, yongguk loves to explore with his hands and his eyes, touching and examining the world around him with cool rationalism and spirited curiosity. he explores ideas through creating, troubleshooting, trial and error and first-hand experience. yongguk can be a challenge to predict, even by the closest people to him. can seem very loyal and steady for a while, but he has a tendency to build up a store of impulsive energy that explodes without warning, taking his interests in bold, new directions.

with a good memory, he can recall experiences from the past down to smallest details. this is both good and bad: remembering the good memories is a way to ease himself when in stressful or sad situations, but he’s also prone to dwell on previous mistakes and regret them for a long time.

he’s not consistently angry. will either let the anger build up and release it all at once in an outburst or let it out slowly through small, critical remarks throughout the day. sometimes, both. he’s very difficult when annoyed, but it usually doesn’t last that long. a perfectionistic through and through, his main source of anger usually comes from things not being up to their standards. not good at sparing others’ feelings when he does become irritable. doesn’t like conflict and will go to great lengths to avoid it. in those occasions where he does have to face it, he will approach it from his feelings and mistakenly place little importance on who is right and who is wrong. yongguk will react to the emotions he’s going through and won’t care whether or not he’s right, which makes him appear irrational and illogic.

background (tldr)

his parents work in the field with doctors without borders.

yongguk was born in seoul and lived there for six years before his parents sent him to yunhwa to stay with his grandparents while they went abroad.

seven years passed, his parents would rarely contact them, much less visit them.

in the meantime, his grandma taught him how to play many instruments, being a musician herself and he was enrolled in kwangsook academy.

at thirteen they returned and guk moved with them back to seoul. around this time he became more reserved and quiet, the conversation always focused on his parents achievements and interests.

he made it his goal to become a doctor in hopes of having something in common with them. it was a way to seek their attention and approval.

a year later, a new plan was announced and yongguk was back in yunhwa with his grandparents. he was actually pretty happy about this.

started taking his studies seriously in his junior year of high school, going to the extent of dropping music and every other altogether.

he successfully managed to get into pusan national university, school medicine.

however, the whole experience was something he wasn’t ready for at all. for a year and half he struggled to keep up with his classmates and was utterly ashamed to compare his simple goal of wanting to get closer to his parents to the drive of everyone else.

he drops out after talking with his grandfather, a successful doctor himself.

initially excited to get the chance of truly discovering what he wanted to do, a single call from his father deterred his enthusiasm. he was supposed to return to yunhwa, instead he decided to move in with a friend and stay in busan… where everything goes downhill.

at only twenty and under the fake pretense that he’d get his act together, he allows himself to make mistakes and act recklessly, secretly wishing that’d be enough to get his parents attention.

he found temporary jobs all around busan and never lasted too long, but he still made money and that’s the only thing he really cared about at the moment. things aren’t great, but they aren’t that bad, or so he tells himself.

at twenty one, he gets a full sleeve on his left arm as well as many piercings. a couple of weeks after this, his grandparents decided to pay him a surprise visit and the state of his apartment as well as life… is not optimal.

coincidence or not, his parents video called them at that moment. it was the first time he heard from them in a year, and it was the last time as well.

seems like only his appearance was enough to finally trigger some sort of emotion from his father, but it wasn’t really the kind he was looking for. it was anger and he could clearly see the disappointment in his eyes. a heated argument ensues, one that ends with “you’re not our son anymore.”

perhaps it came a little too late, but it was the much needed wake up call to get his act together. not in order to mend the relationship with his parents, he knew that’d be impossible. but more so, for himself.

he perks up at a suggestion from his grandmother, one that was about a long forgotten hobby of his: photography. he remembers an old shoe box filled with polaroids and undeveloped films under his bed.

thus, he stays in busan after enrolling in a community college for a year-long photography class. around this time, one of his aunts offered him a job as a bartender in her bar and since then he’s been helping her every now and then. he says it’s for extra money, but in reality is a way to repay her from hiring him when no one else would.

after he was done with his course and had saved enough money to get a decent camera, he decided it was time to go back to yunhwa.

he returned three years ago. luckily, his reputation there remained intact and he wanted it to stay that way thus hiding the ink on his skin with long sleeves and removing the jewelry whenever he was outside.

yongguk moved back with his grandparents, this time to help them out and take care of his grandmother who started to get a little ill. he picked up playing and making music after finding his long abandoned drum set in the garage.

with the help of his grandfather, he opened his very own stall called “kodachrome” where he takes photos for ids, sells prints of his own work (mostly of yunhwa’s scenery) as well as books sessions for photoshoots.

a year and half ago, however, he had to find a new place. his grandparents decided to retire and move to jeju. thankfully, he managed to get a deal to rent a house from one of his grandma’s friends. the house was a little too big thus he decided to post an ad online looking for roommates to share the space and ease the expenses.

in the present, yongguk is still running his stall and getting contacted every blue moon by small influencers and event planners looking for his services. three nights a week, he goes back to busan to work for his aunt at the bar and every other night he has gigs with a band, which was randomly created after having far too many drinks with his roommates.

background (full)

tw: mentions of needles, tattoos, substances but nothing too graphic.

ae yongguk was the name given to you and and your endearing smiles as well as adorable dimples seemed to be more than enough to have everyone coddling and cosseting you from the get-go. nonetheless, permanency was never on your parents’ agenda. by the time you turned six, they moved away and you were shoved into your grandparents’ household in yunhwa.

it’s difficult to comprehend the sudden change, being told that you’d be living with them for some time. how much? they don’t specify, but the next thing you know is that you’re wordlessly bidding goodbye to your parents, who promised to write and come back for you soon. they didn’t. being part of doctors without borders and making it their goal to offer medical aid where it’s needed most, they put their humanitarian labor before parenthood.

the first letter you got arrived eight months after they left. there’s disappointment and there’s also heartbreak, but they don’t last long. you don’t allow them to regardless of your young age. instead, you focus on how your grandfather, despite having severe and strict ways, squeezed your shoulder and offered the small smile that you know all too well now. or how your grandmother, a renowned musician, didn’t hesitate to shower you in unconditional love. your education didn’t cease and your grandfather immediately enrolled you at kwangsook academy.

one of your most prominent traits is how transparent you are with your emotions and your grandmother easily learnt to read this. it was no surprise that the first time you saw her playing a beautiful song on her baby grand and your irises sparkled with curiosity, she immediately beckoned you closer. “hi, my love.” the elderly woman greeted while shifting a little so you could take a seat beside her. you meet her eyes and you wonder if she’s looking for anything by the time an easy smile appears on her face. “do you like music?�� you’re unable to respond, but she must’ve seen something because, after that, she started teaching you the basics of piano. a couple of days later, she asked again and this time around, the answer naturally slipped out of your mouth: i love it.

for your regular classes, you were constant and responsible. sure, you enjoyed learning, but your interest wasn’t inherently there. it was just something you had to do. however, when it came to that newfound love for music of yours, you were the one with the initiative to ask for more lessons and practice whenever you had free time; first the piano, later the guitar and a couple of years later you made the stubborn decision to learn the drums.

it was nice staying in yunhwa, it brought you a comforting sense of belonging. it was the beginning of finding your own voice; discovering your likes and dislikes, some of your talents and even the chance of making friends. however, there was always a lingering question in the back of your mind and a deep sadness you rarely showed: when are my parents coming back?

they do, but only for a short period of time.

you had only turned thirteen, but the moment you saw them you were but an excited kid, joyously yelling and running to hug them, but they greeted you rather… frivolously. you try to ignore the breach between you and them, which you felt the most when you were holding your mother’s hand; her skin a couple of degrees colder than your grandma’s. they ask how you were doing and, in your frenzy, you start talking about everything that’s happened all this time only to be interrupted; the voice you were starting to grow inevitably drowned in the sea of their own achievements and stories.

it’s then that they tell you they’d move to seoul and you’re to go with them. apparently, with the intention to settle down and give it a go to having a normal family. you say goodbye to your grandparents, and unlike your mom and dad, the promises of staying in touch with them are real.

you were silent and reserved around your parents. you had to after learning that no matter what you tried to tell them, the conversation always ended being about what interested them. for a while you pretended to be okay with it, but soon you started wishing they paid as much attention to you as they did to their cause. it made you think that, by immersing yourself in that world, you might be able to keep them interested long enough or make them proud, and your very own obsession to become a doctor started right there. simple questions that had your parents perk up are what made you believe that your plan isn’t too far fetched.

luckily, you were able to retreat to your music whenever everything became too overwhelming, but even this wasn’t enough to stop an ever growing beast called dissatisfaction from making your chest its home. it increases in size and sometimes it’s so big that you’re unable to keep it in your ribcage, coming to light with rebellious little acts such as not doing your homework or bluntly strumming your guitar late at night. eventually, unspoken words and jumbled thoughts find their way into old notebooks full of an amateur’s unfinished songs.

it’s exactly a year later that they announced their new plans of moving to the other side of the world, plans that didn’t take you into consideration at all. it was disappointing, but not really surprising. still, you were able to comprehend the nature of their jobs, after all they were brilliant doctors and only a handful were willing to offer the assistance your parents did. you stop expecting things to change after the farewells you exchanged with them. you wished them the best and truly meant it.

going back to yunhwa at fourteen is something you anticipate; your grandmother welcomed you with your favorite food and your grandfather with a blank notebook. “for your songs, son” he said with that smile of his, learning about this new hobby of yours from one of the many mails you sent them. both were happy about your return and helped you pick up your studies where you last left them.

it’s in your junior year at high school when you truly get serious about your studies, medical school was your single goal. even though you’ve come to terms with the relationship you had with your parents, a hopeful part of you genuinely believed that becoming a doctor would help breach the distance.

and so you do, dropping music altogether and every other hobby that “needlessly” consumed your time and energy. it was admittedly exhausting and you were obviously miserable without playing any instrument. the sleepless nights and the isolation you brought upon yourself paid off the moment you received the news of your acceptance at pusan national university. that very night, you got a call from your parents congratulating you.

for the next year and a half, however, things prove to be extremely challenging when you find yourself amongst thousands of students whose drive and ambition is stronger than simply wanting to get close to their parents. it’s shameful, you admit and the constant pressure as well as the competitive environment soon takes a toll on you, but it was much needed for you to start questioning everything; yourself, your goals and if it was really what you wanted.

the person who helps you to fully come to this realisation is none other than your grandfather, another renowned doctor in your family. it’s shocking to hear him encouraging you to drop out and follow your dreams. truth is you were far too concerned chasing after a hopeless goal than to craft ambitions and dreams for yourself. still, you follow his advice even when you are completely at loss about what the next step would be.

if news of your acceptance travelled fast, so did the news of your departure. you got a call shortly after and all you heard was “we’re very disappointed” followed by radio silence before your father hung up. you were nineteen, about to turn twenty, when they last talked to you.

their silence becomes one of your many excuses to make mistakes and act recklessly; if your good behaviour and your previous little act didn’t catch their attention, this surely will. it’s your shield against the disapproval in your grandfather’s eyes, and that very shield is what stops him from stopping you. even when you told him you wouldn’t return to yunhwa, instead moving to one of your friend’s apartment in the heart of busan.

it’s amusing how easily your grandfather believes your fake promises of trying to get your life together and you feel awful for being such a good liar. you find decent jobs, but never stay too long. unnecessary fights with customers or blatant irresponsibility are the main reasons that force you to find a new one every couple of weeks. you’ve been many things: a busser, a server, even a mascot. you didn’t mind much as long as you were paid.

you willingly dive into a void filled with indulgence and bad decisions. all in order to not think, to not dwell on the future. you used every situation you could possibly get yourself into as a distractor from the painful reality. you were lost, so utterly lost.

twenty one comes around and you decide that, for the first time ever, you’re going to gift yourself something. a permanent work of art, its canvas your skin.

three monthly salaries were spent on black and red ink which reminded you of your favorite place. the needle pierces your skin once, twice, hundred times until your arm is almost fully covered… maybe it was a metaphor, a feeble attempt to display something bright and wonderful on someone who otherwise had long lost every trace of that. it was not enough and a couple of piercings follow in trying to beautify the sheer mess you’ve made of yourself.

some nights you question your own strength and sanity. you used to be pristine, someone to be proud of and an exemplary resident of the town you fondly call home. you were constant, had talent and a midas touch that turned meaningless words into beautiful songs, scribbles onto paper into melodies that had every listener humming along.

what happened to you, boy? says a voice in your head… or is it from your chest? is it the dissatisfaction you’ve tried to keep locked for years? all it took was to be called a disappointment once for you to willingly become one?

it consumes you and every passing day it becomes louder, but you’re stubborn and simply take it as a challenge to find new ways to drown it. headachingly loud music, poisonous substances, liquid trust or the ecstasy under someone’s fingertips… the city swallows you whole and provides you with momentary sweet oblivion but… is the aftermath of impeding remorse worth it? it is, you convince yourself while running back into it’s arms night after night.

one day, without warning, three knocks come onto your door and when you’re about to curse whoever disrupted your game, you’re met with your grandparents. your appearance is deplorable; bloodshot eyes, greasy hair and alarming signs of lack of proper sleep. it hurt to see your grandmother, as crystal clear as you wear, worried and at loss of words. a thing the city taught you was to be a pretender and so you ignore every sign of concern in their faces while smiling at them. “long time no see!” you say cheerfully.

it’s a quiet visit. they don’t know what to tell you or where to start, and neither do you feel a need to fill the awkward silence when your grandfather’s phone went off. he answers without thinking to a videocall and the voice that greets him has you freezing on your spot. father. your face falls and your eyes widen in obvious panic when he asks about you. the older man in the room seems to be equally as frantic as you when he glances at you, taking in how you look before your father speaks again.

“oh, is yongguk there? let me talk to him.” his authoritative tone was enough to have your grandfather turning the phone towards you. it’s late, far too late to fix yourself or even try to hide the glaringly bright red ink on your arm. so, in your frenzy, you decide to play cynical. what else could you lose, right? “hey, dad.” you greet with a shameless smile upon your lips. “your timing is as impeccable as ever.”

the argument that ensues forces you to retreat to your room and you thank whatever universal force that your roommate decided to have a weekend-long trip. it’s a heated fight, and you realize midway through that this is the longest conversation you’ve ever had with your father. why is it that the most display of emotion you get from him is when you don’t follow his ridiculous standards? he gets louder, so do you and it escalates to irreversible words. the last thing he says is “you’re not our son anymore” followed by silence.

then you laugh.

you laugh over the irony of an absent father saying such a thing. you laugh because you don’t want to allow him see you hurting. you laugh at how fucked up the whole situation is. “doesn’t make a difference, does it?” you say between unabashed chuckles. “not like you ever acted like a father, anyway.” and you hang up, your legs giving in and only then did you notice that your whole body had been shaking this whole time.

you muffle a scream on a pillow while feeling so alone and like the butt of the cruelest joke. you want to hate your father and your mother. you want to despise them for their horrible behavior. instead, you find yourself crying like an abandoned kid wanting, yearning for the love that wasn’t given to him. you want to run, to disappear, to hide where no one can find you.

then, two arms wraps around you and even though your grandmother is a little smaller than you, you find yourself feeling protected under her embrace. shortly after comes a pat on your head from your grandfather. you look up at those brown eyes full of wisdom and, when he tells you “everything will be okay, son.” you wholeheartedly believe him

because, a year later, things started looking up.

#INFO.TXT #YONGGUK.EXE #LOC.YUNHWA

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earthbovndmisfit · 5 years ago

Text

Kiss me, Mister Joestar! (fanfic)

A Victorian gay man is madly in love with the sweetest gentleman. His love for him is so overwhelming that everyone around them seems to have noticed it already, including said gentleman's wife, who our sweet gay icon has become close friends with...

Is Jonathan really /that/ painfully oblivious to it all? Or could there be something more going on...? Whatever it might be, it's driving Robert insane, and things start getting even tougher on the matter for Speedwagon after the birthday party the Joestars threw for him.

A story written for Speedwagon's birthday, as you can tell by now.

Happy belated 156th birthday, you sweet dork!! <3 (posted it on the 16th on Ao3 but forgot to bring it here orz)

* * * * *

Pairings: Jonathan/Erina /&/ Jonathan/Speedwagon

* * * * *

More details and the whole fic under the cut... (if Read Mores don’t work for you and you don’t want to see this post, feel free to block the ;long post tag)

Notes: The story is set in 1889, a little less than a year after the events in PB. It’s also an AU where Jonathan lives. Everything went down the same as in canon, save for the fact that Dio died in Windknight's Lot (or at least he hasn't come back since). Jonathan's and Erina's honeymoon went as smoothly as it should have. Jonathan is also now an archaeologist, working on his many different researches on Aztec culture mainly. The rest more or less remains the same as in canon, including Speedwagon being helplessly in love with Jonathan.

In this story (and any other of my stories involving the Ogre Street gang), the Kenpo Master will be referred to as Li. That's the name I've given him: Li Jiang. I also have this headcanon that "Tattoo" is not the red-head's name, but a nickname he adopted after getting that trademark tattoo on his face (his name being Stephen O’Moore, but he's still addressed as Tattoo most of the time for his own personal reasons anyway).

Fun fact I just realized while writing this story: Just like this year's (2019) Oct 16th fell on a Wednesday, 1889's Oct 16th also fell on a Wednesday (cue a loud OH MY GOD).

Warnings: There’s a depiction of tobacco smoking. There are also a few mentions/depictions of pregnancy, and the usual cursing our dear Robert has us used to. Also “mentions” of period-typical homophobia.

Soft chuckles and giggles could be heard coming from behind the closed doors of the tea room. A bit of a feat, considering how espacious the room was. Inside, two blondes comfortably sat in the large, cushioned, armchairs around the tea table, talking about all sorts of stuff over tea and pastries, filling each other in on the other’s news and sharing a laugh every now and then and just enjoying each other's company like they would normally do on evenings like this. It was getting late, and the time to say goodbye for the night was getting closer.

"I enjoyed spendin' this evenin' with you, Miss Joestar. As always, it was a wonderful one!"

"You don't have to keep up the formalities, Robert. We have been friends for how long now?" She made a brief pause. A rhetorical question that both knew didn't need an answer. "Just call me Erina." A kind smile graced her delicate features. He nodded, still feeling a bit inadequate to address any of the Joestars by their first names, but he couldn’t simply say no to them. "And, the feeling is mutual. It is always a pleasure to have you here. I just wish Jonathan could have been able to join us today."

"He's still workin' on that thesis, isn’t he?" A soft nod of her head was given in response.

"He says he is almost done with it. It is also due next week’s Monday, so he has had to work extra hours on it these past days." There's a sense of pride in her voice despite how much she wished she could have had more time to spend with him as of late.

"I'm completely sure 'is 'ard work 's gonna pay off." It always did. Jonathan was truly a hard working man, not only on the battlefield, but also in everything he did, always giving his all. Not to mention how passionate he was about his field.

"I have no doubts about it. Now, about that week’s Wednesday..."

"Oh. Please, don't burden yourself with that!" The man was quick to reply. "It 's nothin' special at all!"

"Come on. Don't be silly, Robert." The lady offered an even warmer smile and put her hand on top of Robert's as it rested on the table, giving it a soft and friendly squeeze. "It is all the opposite to 'nothing'. And it most certainly is special, too. And I'm completely sure Jonathan thinks so, too." Well, there was no arguing to that as Speedwagon could almost hear the brunet echoing his wife's words while giving Robert a pat to his shoulder. Still…

"But, Miss Joest–" Erina gave him a look and Robert tried again. "Ahh. Sorry... Erina. Blimey. It 's just, I... I wouldn't want t' impose and be a burden t’ any of you..."

"And you won't be. Never have been such, and I assure you that will not be the case either. Besides, this will be the first time we get to celebrate your birthday together, and I know Jonathan is just as excited as if this was his own birthday." She let out a soft chuckle, and she withdrew her hand, placing it this time on top of her pregnant belly. "And I can tell this little one is excited, too." Robert couldn't help a fond smile at all that. He certainly couldn't –and wouldn’t either– let any of the three down in any possible way. Not in this life or the next one (and every other lives that could come after that).

"Alrigh', but only if you're sure this 's not a hindrance t' you or Mister Jo–.... T' Jonathan."

"You have my word on that. Please, come visit us again for the date. And bring your friends, too. The maids will make sure everything is ready for the occasion. You don't have to worry about anything at all besides gracing us with your presence and having fun." She added with such a kind tone to her voice that it made it impossible for Speedwagon to add any "buts" to the conversation.

“I swear you two are too kind t’ me sometimes…”

“You deserve it.” She added with absolute honesty. “You have always done so much for us, and for Jonathan, mainly. It is the least we can do for you.”

“It’s nothin’ grand. I’m just doin’ my part on repayin’ Jojo for all ‘is kindness and everythin’ he’s done for me since we met.”

“You always make it sound like everything you do for us is insignificant, Robert, but I assure you it is not. We truly appreciate all of your actions. And I know you are so very special to Jonathan as much as he is to you.” Robert couldn’t help the blush that was now creeping up to his face, even though Erina voicing that sort of knowledge she had was not new by now. She had long ago found out about his true feelings for Jonathan, never having any issues with it at all.

Erina was fully aware of how easy it was to love Jonathan, and she also knew some of the story between Robert and him. She had also been perceptive enough to understand that there was something more to those apparent “codes” in Robert’s general appearance, which was far different from that of most gentlemen in England. That had been something Robert gladly explained for her as their friendship grew and both became more comfortable around each other, letting her know that, indeed, there was a meaning to them all, and that he had always had a liking for men. Whatever fear or worries he could have had until then about letting her know something as delicate as that faded away almost immediately after informing her of his situation as she never made any sorts of disgusting comments, nor gave him any weird looks nor treated him poorly, like many others would have probably done. All the opposite, all he ever got from her was sympathy without any kinds of judgement, and all her support.

And it never ceased, not even after he finally caved in, some time later, and admitted to her his undying feelings for Jonathan. It didn’t take her by surprise when he did, though. Then again, Robert had always had a tendency to be quite transparent about his feelings for the gentleman even when he tried not to. It had always been crystal clear that his admiration for him went far beyond a simple friendship, and that there was so much more that was still left unsaid. Something deeper. Something vastly more meaningful and everlasting. And she fully supported it.

“I will not take any attempts of refutals, Robert, and you know it.” She promptly added, not allowing him to downplay his own acts of love towards them but, mostly, towards Jonathan once more. The blond let out a soft whine, hoping the pink dusting his face would go away soon.

“You are mean, Erina…” He simply jested this time, leaning back into his chair.

“If that is what is going to take to make you understand just how special you are to us; how special you are to Jonathan, then I will be the meanest lady you will ever meet.” She said, her tone playful, but her words sincere. And Speedwagon could see that very well in her clear blue eyes.

“I truly do not deserve a friend like you.” A soft chuckle in the shape of a huff punctuated his words. He then picked up his cup of tea, sipping the last of it’s contents so he could take his leave.

“You are a wonderful man. You just haven’t realized it yet.”

“Wish I could believe that. I mean, it ‘s not that I doubt you or anythin’!! It ‘s just...” Robert averted his gaze, unconsciously letting his head hang a little. His tone sounded defeated, and Erina could tell the reason why.

“Jojo is fully aware of how wonderful you are, too. He just...” She sighed softly, unable to find the right words for it. “He can be a bit oblivious to the signs if you are not direct or clear enough with him sometimes. Especially at moments like this, when his mind is fully absorbed by something else.” Both remained in silence for a moment. Erina’s soft hand once more offering a reassuring touch to the back of Robert’s scarred one.

“I… know. I… I just wish I ‘ad the guts t’ finally be open with ‘im and just tell ‘im ‘ow I feel.” The man didn’t do much to lift his head, slipping his eyes closed for a moment instead. Erina could feel the muscles in Robert’s hand tensing up a little under her palm, right before he lifted his head. There was pain in his eyes. “I’m scared t’ death that he might find me disgustin’ and will not want t’ see me ever again.”

“Fear of rejection is the most normal thing to feel in this type of situations. The views most people have regarding people with ‘a different taste’ than the rest does not help much on that matter, but it does not mean everyone will turn against you, and I’m almost certain you know that very well after all the experiences you’ve had, and all the people you have met around the globe.” Her tone was soft, reassuring. Even with his lack of an interest in women, it was easy for Robert to see why Jojo loved her so much. “I’m afraid I don’t have the exact answer you are looking for, but I know in my heart that, no matter what, Jojo will never think any less of you.” The pain was still visible in his gaze, but he seemed to be a bit more at ease after hearing that.

“Thank you, Erina. You are an absolute saint.” The woman then shook her head, lightly.

“I beg to differ. I just want you two to be the happiest possible.”

“And you say you’re not a saint, eh…?” Both blondes shared a soft laugh and Erina withdrew her hand once more. “Well, looks like it ‘s time for me t’ go.” Speedwagon stood up from his seat. He straightened his waist coat and adjusted his frock coat before he picked his hat and put it on his head. Erina stood up as well.

“The carriage that will take you home is waiting for you.” To which Robert could only stare at her; his eyes widening a bit and his mouth slightly agape.

“What? Blimey, that won’t be necessary. I can just–”

“I told you before: I will not be taking any negative responses for an answer.” She cut him short with that gentle tone of hers and a matching smile.

“One day, I don’t know ‘ow, but one day I will repay you two for everythin’ you’ve done for me.”

“Until then, please, be kind and accept these small displays of gratitude of ours.” Truly, there was no way they could dislike each other.

It took Robert some effort to convince Erina not to walk him to the main entrance of the mansion, but he did it. He worried too much over her and her pregnancy sometimes. It was almost comical in an endearing way just how much Jonathan and him resembled each other on that matter. However, and all that aside, the truth was that Erina was in her 8th month of pregnancy, almost the 9th, so moving around freely and without getting easily tired was not as simple as before, so she had to take it easy, mostly for the baby’s sake.

Not long after saying their farewells for the night –and Robert saying farewell to little Jojo as well–, and after greeting the coachman that was going to take him home, Robert was finally on the carriage, leaving the Joestar state. As the place began to disappear behind them, one of Speedwagon's hands went up to the chest pocket of his coat. He could feel the squared shape of the envelope Erina had given him earlier that day, shortly after he’d arrived. It was a little letter Jonathan had left for him to make up for his absence that day. He hadn't read it yet, and he was completely sure nothing out of the ordinary was written in it, and yet…

"He really took some time outta 'is day t' write this for me, huh...?" He mused under his breath, and the sole thought made his heart flutter. He was so madly in love with that man it was almost unbelievable.

With that image of Jonathan, as busy as he was, taking some time for him and writing that letter with him in mind, still lingering in his head, Robert leaned back into the cushioned seat of the carriage. He wanted to read the contents of the letter, even if there was nothing more in it than Jojo’s heartfelt apologies for missing his visit and the promise of properly making up for it and seeing him next time, but he knew any attempts of actually reading it would be futile with the lack of proper lighting inside the carriage. He let out a sigh and took his hat off, placing it on the empty seat beside him. He made himself comfortable –as comfortable as a big, 5’11” tall man like him could get in a space like that– and tried to get some sleep.

＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊

About a week later, the same carriage was seen making it’s way back to Liverpool. This time, though, there were two more passengers travelling along. The trip, unlike last time, felt a lot shorter. Probably because this time Robert had his Ogre Street mates with him all along to kill some time. Or maybe because, this time, he knew what Jonathan had wanted to tell him in the letter.

Just as Robert had expected then, there had been nothing particularly grand in it. It had been full to the brim with sincere apologies and all as well filling him in on some of the news of his everyday and stuff about his most recent work. What had made him feel a bit too anxious in anticipation, though, had been a line that Jojo added near the end. Something about a big surprise. Of course, it was a bit too much of a stretch that that could mean… what Robert kind of thought (more like, wished) it could mean, and he knew it. But still, that didn’t make much to ease that feeling that was pooling in the pit of his stomach, and he felt kind of silly about it. Being so excited over something that was most likely not going to happen, was he even for real? He questioned himself over and over again since reading that letter the morning after he’d left the Joestar mansion days ago, and still did now as the three guests were led into the mansion by one of the butlers while another took their baggage to the designated rooms upstairs. The first butler then took them into the banquet hall, where their hosts were awaiting for them.

Even though this was not the first time Tattoo and Li visited the Joestar estate, that didn’t change much that feeling of inadequacy the three of them were always victims of whenever they visited. This place was so huge and imposing. Regardless of the kind nature of Jonathan and Erina, always making them feel welcome, it was near impossible for folks with much less fortunate backgrounds such as the three of them not to feel that way, like they were completely out of place. Never in their lives they would have imagined they would set foot into a majestic place like this unless they were raiding it...

The big double doors of the hall were pushed open by the butler guiding them through the mansion and he stepped aside, so the group could come in. The first thing Robert saw as he stepped into the room was Jonathan’s beautiful smile.

“Robert!” The younger man greeted, excited, waving his hand –manners and 100% proper and sober Victorian etiquette were still not his forte, huh– and rushed towards the newcomers. “You came! I was worried you wouldn’t!”

“There ‘s no way on Earth I’d ever let you down, Jonathan.” Robert took his hat off and offered a gentle smile of his own while secretly trying to hide the soft blush he felt was threatening to creep up to his cheeks at the sight of his favorite gentleman smiling so bright at him. The taller man then grabbed him by his shoulders in a gentle manner, showing just how excited he was to see him again after so long.

“I know, I know!! But still! I was just...worried, you know?” Jonathan rubbed his cheek a little before he loosened his grip and hugged the man instead. Something quite improper, especially between two men, but it was something that Speedwagon couldn't find any reasons to complain about. He returned the hug in a very similar manner, enjoying every second of it, unconsciously memorizing the smell of Jojo’s lotion mixed with his own flowery scent. A true delight to his sensitive nose. "I'm so happy that you're here." His voice was low as there was no need to raise it with how close they were from each other, Jonathan practically whispering those words into his ear. Robert felt his legs go a tad weak, but they didn't give in, mostly thanks to Jonathan’s strong but tender embrace. He knew Tattoo and Li were going to tease him on end about this later but, fuck it, he couldn't care less about that.

“And I am truly ‘appy t’ be ‘ere, you big sap.” He replied in a lighthearted way, adding that last bit in an attempt to play it cool and not completely give himself away, even though he was almost completely sure at this point that everyone in the room –save for the object of his affections, unfortunately– were well aware of the true nature of his feelings for Jonathan. The brunet finally pulled away from the hug and properly greeted Li and Tattoo as well, shaking hands with them and exchanging kind words and genuine smiles. Erina also came to greet them all, in a much more proper manner than her husband, but just as warm and kind as him. Those two were nothing at all like most other rich folks Speedwagon had ever met before.

“How’s little Jojo doin’ today?” Robert asked, his gaze falling down to Erina’s pregnant belly for a moment.

“Wonderfully!” She replied; her smile never fading away. “And quite excited, too. They have been kicking a lot today.”

“They are excited because they knew Uncle Speedwagon was coming today.” Jonathan added as he moved back to Erina’s side, draping an arm around her shoulders. That sweet smile of his in full display once more…

...And Robert couldn’t help the blush on his face. Not just at that beautiful sight, but at what Jonathan had just said.

“Uncle…?” He echoed, and the couple’s smiles grew wider and even warmer.

“That’s correct!” They both said almost in unison.

To think Erina and Jojo considered him good enough for such an important role in their child’s life… Lord, he felt so undeserving.

“I honestly don’t think I’m the most fit for the role, but I’ll ‘appily do my best t’ not disappoint any of you!” The smile gracing his features mirrored those on the couple’s faces in every possible way, showing just how touched he genuinely was. Having known Robert long before Jojo had come into his life, Li and Tattoo found it truly sweet to finally see him being this happy, and surrounded with so much love, even if not everything about it had been going the exact way their mate wished. They knew the kind of man he was underneath that tough and rough exterior he was very well known for in all of the slums, and knew how deserving he truly was of every single ounce of it. Both of them placed a hand on each of Speedwagon’s shoulders as a sign of that, smiling at him and at the Joestars as well, and the man returned the gesture with that genuine smile of his as well.

“We are so happy to hear you say that. Now, please, don’t stand there and come take a seat!” Erina added and walked over to the huge dining table. Jojo led them to it as well. Some of the maids had already come in and were already getting everything ready for the meal, bringing in the dishes for them all to enjoy.

“Hope you have a good appetite today!” Jojo exclaimed as he pulled the chairs out for their guests. “The staff worked hard on all this, so I hope the food is to your taste.” And he finally sat down as well once everyone was in their seats; the maids and butlers putting the many plates of hot food on the table before each one of them and getting everything ready for everyone to enjoy their meals. Once they all had finished their food, they all went outside and took a walk around the majestic gardens surrounding the mansion, enjoying the beautiful views and the still gentle breeze of the first month of Fall.

The reunion went down as smooth as expected so far: A shared high spirit, lots of fun and interesting stories about many different subjects shared by everyone, genuine laughter and smiles, incredibly tasty food (and many different dishes to sink their teeth into, too). A pleasant time they all deserved and had been looking forward to as well.

Low tea time then came, and they were all greeted in the tea room by a different part of the staff working at the mansion. Hot beverages, all sorts of delicious pastries, the perfect lighting. Everything was ready by the time they got there. Everyone took a seat and soon after, the tea was served.

“This ‘as been such a lovely day,” Robert finally said sometime later, visibly touched by the heartwarming gesture of the Joestar couple towards him and his old friends. It was hard to believe that, this exact day, one year ago, he had been spending the day in the streets, just wandering around aimlessly, killing time and causing trouble... “and I wanna thank you both for everythin’. I still don’t know what on Earth did I do so right t’ deserve you both in my life.”

“Just being yourself. That’s what you did.” Jonathan replied with that gentle smile of his aimed at the blond, who was sitting right beside him. Erina nodded. “I don’t think I’ve had the opportunity to say this before, but I think you already know it: You are one of the persons I admire the most. You are so very special, Robert. And I hope you haven't forgotten about the surprise I mentioned in the letter." Jonathan's words, as usual, didn't fail to paint the blond’s cheeks a sweet tone of pink that, hopefully, was not easy to notice. And, the reminder of the letter only served to make that blush last a little longer.

Jojo stood up and walked over to one of the cabinets in the room. From one of the drawers, he pulled something out, something he had previously put in there himself for this moment, and asked Robert to come over, which he did. Everyone's eyes followed them, curious as to what Jonathan had gotten him. Not even Erina knew, as Jonathan had insisted all the time that it was a surprise. Meanwhile, Robert was inwardly pleading for his heart to stop pounding so hard in his chest. Once he was before Jonathan, he was presented with a light-gray small box –though it could very well just be that anything looked small in Jonathan's hands–. It was a bit flat and there was a lavender ribbon on top of it. He nodded, encouraging Robert to open his present right away.

"I hope you like it." The nobleman added, expectant for the other's reaction, watching him open the box, revealing an elegant sterling silver pocket watch –a hunter-case one–, attached to a silver chain. The thing looked so expensive it felt so alien in Robert's hand.

"Jojo, you didn't–"

"I know I didn't have to, but I wanted to." He finished his sentence with a kind smile. "You deserve so much more than this, but I hope you like it nevertheless!"

"Are you kiddin' me? I love it!" He beamed. And he wasn’t lying. He did love it, but not because of how fancy and nice it looked. It was because it was a present from the man he loved so dearly. He could have gotten some cheap trinket from him and his reaction would have been entirely the same.

"I'm so happy to hear that! And there's one more thing. Take a look inside." His index finger pointing at the watch. Robert did as requested and carefully opened it. On the back of the lid there was a set of numbers engraved, written in beautiful cursive. It was… a date?

"Jonathan. This ‘s...?" Jonathan nodded.

"The date of the day we met for the first time." And Robert froze on the spot. Of course, there was the ‘embarrassing’ part attached to the memory –that of Tattoo, Li and him trying to gut Jonathan alive while the young man had been doing nothing but seeking for an antidote to save his Father’s life, something that the three ruffians still felt terrible about–, but there was also a unique feeling to it, as that had also been the day that this man had come into his life, ready to change everything in it for good: His views, his wrecked and reckless ways, his life style and the way he perceived life and the world around him, the way he perceived himself, showing him that he was worth something, showing him that there was so much more to life than what that little underworld in the slums had to offer. The day he had so fiercely fallen for this ‘rich boy’ that was nothing like the rest, the one who was a true gentleman in every possible way. The one that had captivated his heart like no other had and that Robert was absolutely convinced was the one and only love of his life.

The blond couldn’t find any words to say. He was genuinely speechless, with his gaze fixed on the engraving for a little longer as the memories and the swirl of emotions engulfed him whole. It was such a ‘small’ detail, but one that meant the world to him, as it showed and left no doubts about Robert’s importance in Jonathan’s life. The moment he raised his gaze, meeting Jojo’s, his eyes were visibly glassy, and that was something that didn’t escape Jonathan. He didn’t make any comments on it, though, figuring it would make Speedwagon feel uncomfortable and exposed so, instead, he pulled him into a tight hug.

“Happy Birthday, Robert.” He said in a soft voice. Speedwagon leaned into the hug, wrapping his arms around Jojo’s larger frame.

“Thank you… Jojo…” He replied in a similar manner, trying his best to choke down his tears, and doing a fairly decent job at it. When the hug ended, they both went back to the table and enjoyed the rest of the evening along with the rest of their friends and family. Outside, the night had fallen over the vast Liverpool skies.

Ever since this celebration had been planned, it had been agreed by all of them that Robert, Li and Tattoo were staying over for a few days after that. There were plenty of guest rooms in the mansion, so having them over would definitely be no issue at all. Since they weren’t going back to London tonight, there was also no need to rush anything, and so conversations and all sorts of activities went on for a while longer than they usually would on a regular visit. Time went fast by, and it was getting really late. They were all tired after such a long and fun day, so everyone went to their respective bedrooms, ready to call it a day.

“Erina, dear.” Jojo called once they were alone in their room. Something seemed to be bothering him.

“Yes?”

“…It might just be me but, did you notice anything different in Robert later today?”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know how to describe it, but it felt like…”

“Like something was off?” She looked at him; her soft hands rested on her belly as she remained sitting on the edge of their bed.

“Yes. Yes, something like that.” He said after a moment of pondering about it. “Do you know what it could possibly be? I don’t recall him mentioning any issues before or anything that could be bothering him.” He inquired, hoping she would know something he didn’t and could tell him about. Maybe the two of them had talked about something that could be troubling him during his previous visit?

Erina let out a soft sigh and lightly shook her head.

“Oh, Jojo.” She looked into her husband’s eyes. Even through the dim light from the oil lamp on the nightstand he could see that look she would always give him whenever he was missing something important that was a bit obvious. It wasn’t a condescending look at all. All the opposite, really. “You have not noticed it yet, have you?”

And her words threw him off. Completely.

“Notice...what?”

“I could tell you, but I think it would be best for you, and for Robert, that you find that answer out for yourself, dear.”

Jonathan continued staring at her; his thick brows knitted together. He was infinitely puzzled still. She stood up and walked towards him. She cupped his face in her hands and gently pulled him closer, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek.

“Look. I won’t mind if you want to go and talk with him. Knowing him, I’m sure he is going to be up for a while longer, and I’m convinced he will appreciate your company through the night.” Which was something both knew for sure. It was no secret that Speedwagon was a night owl, and him staying over at someone’s place probably wouldn’t change that the slightest. Jonathan nodded. He then kissed Erina in return before he left.

Meanwhile, a few doors down the hall, in his room, Robert was leaning against the door frame that led to the balcony. He had already taken his coat and waistcoat off, both of which he had left on the footboard of the four poster bed. The turmoil inside his head (and heart) had gotten considerably worse as hours had ticked away, so he had opted for making himself comfortable –as comfortable as one could in that condition– and take a breath of fresh air while, a bit ironically, having a smoke, hoping that would soothe him enough so he could get some sleep later that night. He lit a cigarette and stared outside, softly humming to a tune he had heard some time ago, when he visited the Caribbean. His room had quite a nice view of the gardens their whole group had walked through earlier. They looked so different under the moonlight, but still as beautiful as before. It was a really nice change from the urban landscapes he was so used to back in London. He remained like that for a moment, enjoying the chilly but gentle wind of Fall. His tie was undone, and his shirt was open, allowing that chilly wind to gently brush against the exposed skin of his scarred chest. He put the cigarette between his lips and slipped a hand into the pocket of his trousers, producing the silver pocket watch Jonathan had given him earlier, idly fiddling with it and running his fingers over the smooth surface as he took a drag of his cigarette. His gaze was fixed on the timepiece now and he could see the way the moonlight shone so beautiful on it’s surface. His mind, suddenly, decided to go back to earlier that day, to that moment when Jonathan had hugged him for the second time, and he felt that rush of emotions strike him all over again.

“You’re such a bloody fool, Robert…” He whispered to himself. Being so madly in love with a nobleman. And not just that, but a married gentleman. His friend’s husband at that. And, while said friend was absolutely okay with those tender feelings he had for him, and even encouraged him to take the next step whenever he felt ready for it, if he ever did, he still felt so silly about it all. He had no leads that Jonathan was… well, like that. No leads or hints that he had somewhat of a taste for men, like an invert man such as Robert did. And not just that, but he was also scared to death of not only being rejected by the man he loved, but he was also scared of being seen by him as nothing but a disgusting pervert as well. The sole idea of Jonathan telling him that he didn’t want anything to do with him anymore was frightening and painful enough to make the former thug want to keep his mouth and heart shut as much as he could, as much as it hurt. He’d rather remain a close friend and be by his side always, until the very end, than risk losing him forever…

A soft knock on his room’s door echoed through the room, dragging him back to the present time.

“C’mon in.” Speedwagon raised his voice enough for the visitor to hear and slipped the watch back into his pocket. He looked over his shoulder when he heard the door open and then click shut a second later. Even in the darkness that was engulfing the room now that the oil lamps were off, he could still make out the huge silhouette of the Joestar heir walking towards him. The blond turned on his heels, failing to realize just how ‘improper’ he must have been looking at the time (etiquette wasn’t always his forte, especially with an upbringing like his and the fact that he was still a man from the worst part of the slums). “Oi, Jojo.” He greeted, raising his hand a little.

“H-Hey.” He said once he got to Speedwagon’s side, mirroring that gesture.

“I thought you were with Erina. ‘s somethin’ the matter?” He asked, genuinely curious, and even a tad worried.

“No, no. Everything is fine! I mean, not everything, but yes. Just...”

“Are you sure? ‘cause this ‘s definitely not like you.” His concern growing deeper. “Do you need t’ talk, perhaps?”

“Yeah, I guess...” His voice trailed off. He looked, and sounded, so lost for a moment. Robert had no clue what this was all about, but he was going to try his best to be of aid. “It’s about earlier…”

Oh…

“Yeah…? What ‘bout it?”

“I couldn’t help but notice that something was kind of, well, off with you…”

“...”

“Erina noticed it, too. I tried to ask her about it. She seems to know something, but she wouldn’t tell me anything. She said it would be best for us to talk.”

Robert couldn’t help a soft chuckle, exhaling a bit of smoke in the process.

“Don’t get me wrong for what I’m ‘bout t’ say, please, but that woman ‘s an absolute angel. I can truly see why you love ‘er so much.” He admitted as he looked away into the horizon once more. Jonathan smiled in response, finding no fails or lies in that whole statement about his sweet Erina. His gaze followed Robert’s and, after a moment of silence and even a little of hesitation, he tried again.

“So…? Something’s been bothering you…?” He asked cautiously, not wishing to upset Speedwagon in any possible way. The blond hesitated to respond, taking a couple seconds to think, and re-think, his answer. He suddenly felt cold, as if his blood had been drained from his body, and a chill ran down his spine as realization fell down on him. There was no turning back now, was it?

“...It ‘s not like there’s somethin’ botherin’ me per se… It s just… somethin’ else. Somethin’ that’s been goin’ on for quite a long time now and that I, shamefully, ‘aven’t had the ballocks t’ be frank ‘bout it.” He admitted, unconsciously taking another drag of his cigarette before putting it off on the ashtray that was sitting on top of the bureau by the door. Jonathan’s face was colored in concern after hearing those words. It had to be something quite undesirable if it had lasted for so long while also making Speedwagon want to keep his mouth shut on the matter all this time, he figured.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner about it?” His voice reflecting that same concern that was plastered all over his face. “I would have helped you out as soon as you told me!” There was a tinge of pain in Robert’s features, and the moonlight made sure Jonathan didn’t miss that as the shorter man turned to look at him.

“Haven’t you noticed it yet, Jojo...?” The brunet remained silent, trying to piece it all together.

“I…” He stammered. Robert gulped hard and locked eyes with him. It was now or never, right? Right.

“I love you.”

“What…?”

“You ‘eard me right!” He nearly shouted. “I love you, Jonathan…! I love you so damn much! And I always ‘ave ever since you came into my life all that time ago...” He said, trying to keep himself collected as much as he could. His fists were clenched into tight balls at his sides while hot tears threatened him, stinging his eyes. Jojo stared at him, wide eyed, and at a complete loss for words. “I’d been keepin’ that t' myself all this time ‘cause… ‘cause I was scared t’ death of losin’ you. I still am!” He took a deep breathe. It was still hard for Robert to conceive that a ruthless gang leader such as himself could be this vulnerable before someone else, but here he was, exposing himself once more, though in a completely open manner this time for a change, confessing all those feelings he had tried so hard to keep to himself. “I don’t expect you t’ return my feelings. Bloody ‘ell, I will even understand if you don’t wanna see my disgustin’ arse ever again, and I promise I will never show m’self ‘round ‘ere anymore! I just… I just… really ‘ad t’ let all this out somehow before it ate me alive whole...” The pain was almost tangible in his voice as he uttered all those words.

And, suddenly, all those signs Jonathan had seen countless times coming from him before made so much sense. So much more that he couldn’t help but feel so inept, and like the biggest fool around for being so painfully oblivious to it all while even Erina had noticed it so long ago but, also, for having forced himself to keep his own feelings towards this man before him locked away…

“I’m...sorry for disappointin’ you and not bein’ who you thought I was, Mister Joestar…” He spoke again, even shaking a little, and he lowered his eyes, bringing back the formalities now that his chances of being on the list of undesirable people in this household had increased exponentially...

...Or so he thought.

“What on Earth are you talking about!?” The younger male grabbed him by the shoulders, making him raise his head and look back into Jojo’s face. There was a glint of something in his eyes. Something that Speedwagon could not quite read at first but that seemed like… pain? He had no time to ponder too much about it as Jonathan immediately pulled him into yet another tight hug, though, this time he was holding on to him like his very life depended on it, yet careful not to crush him in the process. “There is no way you could ever disappoint me!!” He sounded hurt, and he legitimately was. “The only one I am disappointed with is myself for being so blind and not being able to return your feelings sooner…” He paused, trying to find the right words to voice what was going on through his mind. “...I think I’d known about it all for a bit. I just… didn’t say anything for that same reason: I was afraid of being wrong in my assumptions and losing you forever! And, also, Erina… I… I didn’t know how she would react to the news that I had a special fondness for you, a special fondness as intense as that I have for her, and I didn’t want to make her feel like I didn’t love her anymore, much less now that she is carrying our baby.” The brunet tightened the hug a little; his fingers gently digging into the fabric of Robert’s shirt as he finally opened up, his hot tears rolling down and soaking Robert’s shirt. There was nothing but absolute honesty in his every word, and Robert could easily notice that. “I was so confused because I love her so much, and never have stopped loving her either. At first I was not aware that it was possible to love two different persons in the same manner, and so fiercely, at the same time. It… It took me a while to figure that out on my own and, still, I decided to keep quiet about it because I didn’t know how to bring it up to her, and how to bring it up to you as well. I tried to convince myself that… all of this, all those signs you gave off… as well as everything I was feeling… that it was all in my head. Guess I only made a fool out of myself in the end, didn’t I?”

Robert pulled Jojo away just enough so they could make eye contact once more. It broke his heart to see his gentleman break down like this.

“Jojo... dear. Lord…” He struggled to find the right words to say and could feel his own tears finally rolling down his face. There was so much in what Jonathan had just said that he could relate to in his own way... “You ‘aven’t done anythin’ wrong! Besides… It 's also my fault that you didn’t know for sure just ‘ow much I’ve always loved you until now! And I’m really sorry ‘bout that… I really wish I ‘ad the guts t’ be open with you ‘bout that sooner instead of tryin’ t’ hide it all and pretend nothin’ else was goin’ on...” Both men, remained in silence for a moment, still close to each other. It was then that Jonathan spoke once more.

“I guess… that makes both of us a pair of fools…”

“The biggest of ‘em all, I’m afraid…” Both of them shared a soft laugh despite those tears still wetting their faces; their foreheads pressed together as they did. One of Jojo’s hands went up to tenderly cup Speedwagon’s chin with his thumb and index finger.

“Robert… May I…?”

“Goddamnit, Jojo…” Robert let out a soft huff and cupped Jonathan’s face in his hands; his little smile not fading away the slightest. “Just fuckin’ kiss me…!”

Jonathan tilted Robert’s face slightly to the side, allowing himself a better access. His other hand went to rest on the small of the blond’s back, and he finally pressed their lips together in a long awaited kiss that Robert gladly returned in the same loving manner, both of them pouring into it all those feelings they had been holding back for so long.

They remained in each other’s arms for a little longer after the kiss ended, refusing to let go just like that.

“Would you… stay with me tonight? I mean, only if you think Erina will be alrigh’ with that. I wouldn’t wanna get on ‘er bad side ever.” Robert whispered as he rested his head on Jonathan’s chest. He could hear the soft rumble that was his chuckle. They both knew very well that Erina could be quite scary when she wished to.

“That will be completely alright.” He said with a full smile on his face. “We should go inside, though. It’s getting colder, and I don’t want you to catch a cold or worse!”

“This is nothin’ compared t’ what Ogre Street ‘as me used to, darlin’.”

“Yeah, I suppose so, but... About that, I know that you along with Tattoo and Li have turned down the offer of moving in with us countless times already, but I must insist once more.”

“I told you, dear, we don’t wanna be a nuisance t’ either of you.”

“But you wouldn’t be! Besides… I want. No, I need Erina and you, my two loves, by my side.” Speedwagon let out yet another soft chuckle.

“Blimey... You’re really the biggest daisy I’ve ever met, Jonathan.” He said fondly, “But I will gladly take you up on that this time. Little Jojo might need their Uncle ‘round when they arrive, and I’m sure Erina might appreciate some friendly company as well. And, much like yourself...” He stood on his tiptoes, gently bringing Jojo’s face down by his chin a little. “...I also need my one true love by my side.” His voice soft, sealing those words with yet another kiss under the pale moonlight.

Final notes: This story took so long for me to get it done from start to end, but it's finally here!

This is, I think, the first time I actually write something for the lovely jonaeri/jonawagon ot3~ :'D I also loved writing those bits with Robert and Erina together. They were super fun, and I also loved the idea of Robert happily telling her about the gay codes from that time and just kind of getting her into that little secret world, not only because Erina is the ultimate ally, but also, because, given the taboos in Victorian England, it's pretty much a given that Robert usually had to keep a lot of things from most people, sometimes friends included, so he really appreciates those time whenever he's allowed to be himself and is able to share some of that with others. Needless to say how much I love writing jonawagon and putting them in sweet and cozy scenes~

I can honestly say I'm pleased with how this story turned out, but I would definitely love to hear your thoughts on it!

Feedback, likes, reblogs and everything else (shares outside of Tumblr and Ao3, too) are always encouraged and highly appreciated!!

Thanks for reading!

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meditativeyoga · 4 years ago

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Where Can We Find Sustainable Happiness?

In the last 100 years, we got extremely overwhelmed concerning joy. This is no small thing. The method we define joy drives what we do, just what we want to compromise, and how we spend our money and our time.

This complication didn't just occur. Marketers invest billions spreading out the illusion that more stuff will bring us joy. And plan wonks of all political red stripes-- but particularly those attached to business interests-- spread out the message that economic development leads to health. Both have turned out to be false guarantees that have instead been threatening the very conditions that might result in lasting happiness.

Sustainable joy is a type of wellness that goes deep-- it's not a fleeting sensation of satisfaction or a temporary vanity increase. Rather, it is withstanding due to the fact that it use our most genuine goals as well as involves structure connections and also techniques that sustain us through great times and bad.

Sustainable happiness is improved a mutually encouraging neighborhood. It outgrows knowing that our wellness is connected to that of our neighbors. When we really feel that we could count on others in difficult times, that there is a location for everyone, as well as that we can make payments and also be identified for them, we have the structures of lasting happiness.

The excellent information is that lasting happiness works with a healthy environment, a fair globe, as well as our very own satisfaction. And it is contagious-- the important things that develop well-being for someone have the tendency to be good for others and also for all life.

Sustainable happiness is possible-- yet much depends on the selections we make independently and also as a society. Here are some concepts for where to start, each of which are established extra completely in the new anthology, Sustainable Happiness: Live Just, Live Well, Make a Difference.

1. Stop the trauma

Like the usual sense rule had in the Hippocratic Oath, we can begin by doing no harm.

Life undoubtedly brings some kinds of pain: A connection separates, an enjoyed one passes away, or a task stops working to emerge. With assistance from pals as well as household, we recover and also go on.

Yet there are kinds of trauma that could be debilitating for a lifetime and even across generations. And lots of are preventable.

Veterans endure high rates of trauma (PTSD). Inning accordance with the Department of Veterans Matters, 30 percent of those treated in VA medical facilities after returning from release in Afghanistan or Iraq have PTSD. Their kids also experience and are a lot more most likely to be nervous or depressed.

Sexual violence is an additional method large numbers of individuals are traumatized. An estimated one in 5 ladies will certainly be raped over the program of her lifetime, and also a 3rd of rape survivors will certainly experience PTSD. Survivors are likewise 3 times as likely to have an episode of severe depression.

Nearly 700,000 youngsters go through sexual and physical misuse every year in the USA, according to the UNITED STATE Department of Health and wellness and also Person Solutions. Kids endure overmuch from hardship, which also triggers long-term trauma.

And there are the converging injuries triggered by generations of exclusion, economic misplacement, and also physical violence guided at people of color, that experience greater prices of PTSD as an outcome of ongoing racism, according to study pointed out by Dr. Monica Williams in Psychology Today.

Among the most essential methods to develop a happier world is to end the battles, misuse, and exclusion that are resources of ongoing trauma, and also to sustain the recovery of survivors.

2. Create equity

Stress could be healthy, if it's the best kind. Temporary anxiety actually raises memory and psychological function.

But chronic anxiety-- especially stress triggered by events over which we have little control-- increases the threat of heart problem and the likelihood of fatality. The Whitehall Studies-- the famous 20th century investigations right into the causes of death as well as condition amongst British civil slaves-- showed that low-status employees had a fatality rate 3 times greater than those in the upper reaches of the hierarchy, even when controlling for other class-based anxiety elements. It's an insight confirmed by succeeding research.

The damage triggered by inequality prolongs past the office. Epidemiologist Richard Wilkinson has shown that those staying in unequal cultures have sometimes greater rates of mental disorder, homicide, and teenager pregnancy.

So if we desire healthier and also better lives, we require a more equitable culture-- fairer in both a financial sense and also in regards to the empowerment all of us need to identify our own lives.

3. Value everyone's gifts

It might be counterproductive, but sustainable joy originates from what we provide, not just what we take and even exactly what we have. People that locate their unique gifts and also have the ability to use them to others are usually happiest.

Cameron Anderson, a teacher at the Haas Institution of Company at the University of The golden state, Berkeley, published a research in Psychology Science that shows winning the regard as well as appreciation of our peers matters greater than having things. "You don't have to be abundant to be pleased, however instead be an useful contributing member to your teams," says Anderson. "What makes a person high in status in a group is being engaged, charitable with others, as well as making self-sacrifices for the greater good."

Likewise, research shows that our happiness enhances when we have the respect of our peers, yet not necessarily when we have a higher revenue or more wealth.

College trainees that are politically engaged are better, inning accordance with research study by professor Tim Kasser. "Political activism scores were connected with feeling extra enjoyable emotions, reporting better life complete satisfaction, as well as having more experiences of liberty, capability, and also link to others," he claims in a YES! Magazine write-up, "Making a Distinction Makes You Happy."

4. Shield the honesty of the natural world

The all-natural globe doesn't simply bring us happiness, it is exactly what makes life feasible, as well as protecting its honesty adds to sustainable happiness.

Getting out right into nature boosts our feeling of wellness and is particularly crucial for youngsters. Benefits consist of reduced tension, enhanced health, more imagination, and better concentration, states Amy Novotney in the Screen on Psychology.

The impression that human beings are different as well as apart from the living Earth is finally providing way to an understanding that our destiny is linked to the fate of the planet on which we all depend. Our job to shield and restore the planet's ecosystems will suggest clean water, healthy and balanced foods, a stable climate, and also a better chance at sustainable happiness for generations to come.

5. Establish practices that support our very own well-being

An egalitarian society that secures the natural world, decreases war, racism, and abuse, and also invites the expression of everyone's unique gift offers the structure for sustainable happiness. We don't have to wait for the world to change. There are things we could do in your home, also, that increase our own sustainable happiness.

We could exercise, a much better treatment than prescription medicines for much of exactly what ails us. An inactive life is as harmful to wellness as cigarette smoking, inning accordance with researches mentioned by the American University of Sports Medication. Normal moderate workout not only minimizes the risk of heart problem, diabetes mellitus, and also stroke, it also makes us better, typically controlling clinical depression as efficiently as prescription antidepressants. It's much more affordable, and all of the adverse effects are good.

We could likewise establish a method of gratefulness as well as learn how to be mindful.

Some of the happiest people are those who have made it through wonderful health problems or other major life obstacles and also have actually come to be aware of the options they make about their finite lives. There's something about encountering the feasible end of life that brings right into emphasis the priceless choice we have regarding how you can spend our continuing to be days.

" Everything can be drawn from a man however something: the last of human flexibilities-- to select one's perspective in any type of provided set of situations, to choose one's own means," Viktor E. Frankl wrote.

One much more point: In a time of increasing disruptions connected to a changing climate and also financial dislocation, our difficulty will certainly be to create the problems that urge us to transform to each other in tough times, not activate each other. We are even more most likely to accomplish that in a more equitable globe, where we are conscious of the many blessings we have and skilled at finding resources of joy that do not cost the planet, but are abundant and free.

#Yoga #yoga retreat

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ncmagroup · 5 years ago

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By Phyllis Korkki

Do you often find your workday spiraling out of control? You start each day with a plan to get so much done, but soon find yourself becoming distracted, focusing on low-priority tasks and, simply, procrastinating. So how can you regain control of your time? One-size-fits-all lists on how to be more productive don’t work; we’ll outline productivity techniques that can be adapted to your personality and working style.

Three Basics of Productivity

Use these principles to help guide you through your workday.

All workers and workdays are unique. With fewer companies and employees adhering to a traditional 9-to-5 day, the differences in our workdays are becoming more pronounced. But putting those differences aside, three overarching ideas apply to all our productivity tips:

1. Trust the small increments. You can’t expect to change years of working habits overnight. Small changes in how you work can gradually add up to big changes in productivity. Try one tip to start, and keep adding more as you find the strategies that work best for you.

2. Be accountable. Whether it’s weekly check-ins with a co-worker or setting your own deadlines and announcing them to others, having to answer to someone else can often force you to get the job done.

3. Forgive yourself. You are human: Accept that you are sometimes going to slip up, become distracted and have a bad day. It’s more important to move on than to dwell on your mistakes.

For the Multitasker

If you’re trying to do three things at once, you’re often accomplishing very little.

A BIOLOGICAL IMPOSSIBILITY

Think you can get more done by juggling multiple tasks at the same time? Try calling your co-worker while typing an e-mail and checking your Facebook page. You may feel as if you’re being productive, but you’re probably not getting any of those tasks done efficiently.

We all have a limited amount of cognitive bandwidth — the number of thoughts and memories we can hold in our minds at any given time. Your brain may delude itself into thinking that it has more capacity than it really does, but it’s really working extra hard to handle multiple thoughts at once when you are switching back and forth between tasks. Your ability to get things done depends on how well you can focus on one task at a time, whether it’s for five minutes or an hour.

“Multitasking is not humanly possible,” said Earl K. Miller, a neuroscience professor at the Picower Institute for Learning and Memory at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.

MORE ERRORS AND LESS CREATIVITY

When you multitask, you tend to make more mistakes. When you toggle back and forth between tasks, the neural networks of your brain must backtrack to figure out where they left off and then reconfigure, Dr. Miller said. That extra activity causes you to slow down, and errors become more likely.

“People are much more efficient if they monotask,” he said.

Trying to multitask also impedes creativity, he said. Truly innovative thinking arises when we allow our brains to follow a logical path of associated thoughts and ideas, and this is more likely when we can focus on a single mental pathway for an extended period.

The brain is like a muscle: It becomes stronger with use, Dr. Miller said. As with physical exercise, the more we strengthen our mental connections by focusing on one task to the exclusion of all others, the better we can perform.

HOW TO MONOTASK

To the best of your ability, set up a work environment that encourages the performing of one task at a time. It’s probably not realistic to think that we can block off hours at a time for a single task, but even committing to monotask for five minutes can yield productivity benefits.

Here are a few small changes you can make:

Remove temptation: Actively resist the urge to check unrelated social media while you are working on a task. Some workers may need to go so far as to install anti-distraction programs like SelfControl, Freedom, StayFocusd, andAnti-Social, which block access to the most addictive parts of the internet for specified periods.

Work on just one screen: Put away your cellphone and turn off your second monitor.

Move: If you find yourself losing focus – reading the same sentence over and over or if your mind continually wanders off topic – get up and briefly walk around, Dr. Miller said. A brief walk around your office can lift your mood, reduce hunger and help you refocus.

Work in intervals: Set a timer for five or 10 minutes and commit to focusing on your assignment for that amount of time. Then allow yourself a minute of distraction, as long as you get back on your task for another five or 10 minutes.

WHEN DISTRACTIONS TAKE OVER

The tendency to become distracted is primal, so forgive yourself if you do. It arose in our earliest days as humans, when we needed to respond instantly to lions, tigers and other predators that threatened us, said Dr. Miller. Every sensory input was deeply interesting, and our response to it was sometimes a matter of life or death. Our brain has not let go of this ancient survival mechanism; we still crave that informational tap on the shoulder, he said.

Fortunately, the more we work on focusing on one task at a time and ignoring distractions, the more we exercise the prefrontal cortex – the more evolved part of our brains. Then it becomes easier to focus.

MORE ABOUT MANAGING DISTRACTIONS

Seeing Productivity as a State of Mind

Policymakers often fret that worker productivity isn’t growing fast enough. And each of us also worries about individual productivity.

Can You Read This Story Without Distraction?

Monotasking is a 21st-century term for what your high school English teacher probably called “paying attention.”

How to Stop Time

We will never stop dawdling. So why should we feel guilty about it?

Data-Crunching Is Coming to Help Your Boss Manage Your Time

Employers of all types are using a wide range of technological tools to monitor workers’ efforts and motivate them.

For the Procrastinator

Accountability – whether it’s to yourself or to another person – can be crucial to your productivity.

BE ACCOUNTABLE

To combat procrastination, find an accountability partner. This can be a colleague or a manager, whose role is to receive regular progress reports on your project. The person you choose will have to take his or her role seriously, expressing disappointment if you have not achieved your goal, and appreciation if you have. Some inveterate procrastinators even agree on a set of rewards or punishments to go along with their deadlines, depending on what motivates them the most. A reward could be a free lunch; a punishment could be an email to the department announcing that a deadline was not me.

STAY ON TRACK

To-do lists work to keep you accountable because they help you stay on the path to getting your most important work done – if you use them effectively, that is.

Before you leave work for the day, make a list of five to eight goals that you would like to accomplish the following day, said Julie Morgenstern, a time management expert based in New York. On a separate list add any personal errands that need to be done that day — like booking a flight for a vacation or buying a birthday gift. That list should contain no more than two or three items. Be realistic about what you can accomplish in a day of work, and resist the urge to make a to-do list for the whole week, which can leave you feeling stressed and overwhelmed.

Make the items on your to-do list specific, realistic and simple — don’t secretly pack eight or 10 tasks inside one huge item, like “finish project.” Instead, break your project into small, discrete components.

TO-DO LIST DOWNSIDES

Because our primal mind craves distraction, the classic to-do list can prevent interruptions from taking over your day. But humans are also vulnerable to so-called “structured procrastination,” where in order to avoid working on a hard task, they spend time on a much easier one. Answering an email or liking a post on Facebook can be a form of structured procrastination. Writing your to-do list can also be a form of structured procrastination. So, give yourself five minutes or less to write a to-do list each morning. Keep it focused and short, so you’re not spending more time checking off items than actually completing them.

LIST KEEPERS

Some people like to keep their lists on papermaking emphatic and satisfying checkmarks whenever they complete a task. Others prefer the computer route. If that’s the case, many apps are available, including these:

Todoist: This app works well across many platforms and is rich with features like reminders, notes and the ability to sync your lists with your devices.

Remember the Milk: This one includes a feature that allows users to share tasks with others, like coworkers and family members.

Evernote: This note-taking app allows you to create to-do lists in the form of personal notebooks.

To avoid confusion, pick either paper or digital for your lists, as it can be hard to manage both.

At Your Desk

Where you work can be just as important as how you work.

WHAT YOUR DESK SAYS ABOUT YOU

There’s no one right way to organize a desk. But your physical workspace can have a big effect on productivity. It “can either energize you or deplete your energy,” said Ms. Morgenstern, the time management expert.

In general, only 25 percent of a desk’s messiness is related to organizational skills, Ms. Morgenstern maintains – the rest is tied to time management. “Every paper on your desk has a task associated with it, and that task is going to take time.” Have you factored in enough time to get it all done? Out-of-control piles of paper may be a sign that you need to delegate, she said.

Ask yourself: Are the piles on your desk the same ones that were there three weeks ago, or are they moving? As long as they’re not stagnant, you’re probably doing O.K. with some clutter, Ms. Morgenstern said.

In most cases, keep your desk clear except for the project you are tackling at the moment, along with the equipment you need to complete it, she said. You should also create a space for an “in the zone” – brand new things that have just come in – and an “out zone” for things that are finished and need to be distributed.

One of the easiest ways to start to change your workspace is to spend the last 10 minutes of your workday readying your desk for the next day. Then you won’t have to start your day with yesterday’s mess, Ms. Morgenstern said. Starting out with a desk prepared for the day ahead could have a powerful effect on your mindset and productivity.

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For Computer Users (Everyone)

As much as they speed up the pace of work, computers can slow things down, too.

KNOW YOUR COMPUTER

Not understanding the capabilities of your computer can be a serious hindrance to your productivity. Some people fear that asking for tech help will make them look incompetent, but in fact, the opposite is true,according to research.

Ask for technology advice when you think a computer or online task is taking longer than it should. It could be that you don’t know how to use a particular type of technology efficiently, or you don’t know what a company’s past practices have been in a certain area. Make an effort to seek out the people who can fill in your knowledge gaps, while being respectful of their time and responsibilities.

Managers can assist in this process by offering regular information sessions and company-specific manuals related to technology like email, Excel, Microsoft Word, Slack, and others. A mentorship program is another option.

TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR INBOX

Do you find yourself constantly stopping to check your email? Email is an ideal way to practice structured procrastination — when you work on an easy, unimportant task rather than tackle a harder, important one.

Email is like life: It is messy, imperfect, full of surprises, and everybody handles it differently. There is no perfect email system. Experts may promote the value of techniques like “Inbox Zero,” where you try to clear your inbox every day, but even if your inbox is empty, your work life – with all its unanswered questions, incomplete projects, and challenging problems – will remain full. Embrace the daily challenge of keeping your work life under control by using email as your ally rather than your nemesis.

Here are a few techniques that can help make your email work for you:

Set aside dedicated times every day to process email. This could be a few times a day or five minutes every hour, Ms. Morgenstern, the time management expert said. “Give email your undivided attention when you’re working on it,” she said.

Divide email into groups. As you scan your email, sort the messages into two groups: those requiring quick responses and those needing thoughtful ones. Try the “two-minute rule,” as popularized by David Allen, author of “Getting Things Done.” If you can dispense with an email in two minutes, do it now; if not, do it later at a scheduled time. If emails are going to require a few days of thought, buy yourself some time by acknowledging receipt that day and saying you will respond later. Make it a point to follow through.

Try to identify the emails you are actively avoiding. Often there is an emotional component to emails you avoid, Ms. Morgenstern said, because they involve saying “no” to someone or making a difficult decision. Instead of procrastinating on replying, you will likely save time by responding in person or on the phone, where your tone and personality will come through more readily, rather than trying to write the perfect diplomatic response in an email.

Turn off notifications. Some email experts advise checking email only two or three times a day, but in many work environments this is not realistic – an all-important message from the boss or a client may need a quick response. But almost anything can wait for 20 minutes. So, turn off your email notifications for 20 to 30 minutes when you need to focus on something else.

RELATED GUIDE

How to Run a More Effective Meeting

Another meeting-filled day? Meetings don’t have to feel like time-sucks. With these tips and strategies, they can be efficient and productive.

GET HELP

Spend a week or two identifying the email issues that consistently frustrate you or slow you down. Then, find an “email guru” in your company and see if that person would be willing to sit down with you for a half-hour to explain the various capabilities of your email system. Your guru could be a super-efficient co-worker or someone from tech support, but it should be someone who can show you how to use built-in features that you may not be aware of, like filters that can block unimportant messages and send them to spam. Ask about how you can use labels, folders, filters, archives, starred messages, unsubscribe lists and other features to help you spend less time on email.

No email guru in your office? There are plenty of online resources for email management tips. But if a particular technique doesn’t work for you, abandon it.

MORE ON YOUR BODY AND PRODUCTIVITY

Zoning In, No Meditation Cushion Required

An author explains how seeing problems from a different perspective may have a similar outcome as the Eastern approach of suspending thought.

Why I Taught Myself to Procrastinate

Delaying the completion of a project may actually make you more creative.

The Downside of Treadmill Desks

Treadmill desks can be good exercise, but they may impair the ability to concentrate and remember.

When Employee Engagement Turns Into Employee Burnout

Too often “engagement” refers to employees who get to work early, stay late and remain connected. That’s not a recipe for enduring high performance.

Common Productivity Myths

Here’s the truth behind common misconceptions about working smart.

Myth: People who are good multitaskers get more done.

Fact: Multitasking is an illusion. Research shows that people get more done if they concentrate on one task at a time. Switching frequently between tasks – or believing that you are actually doing more than one thing at once – will actually slow you down.

Myth: It’s important to have zero emails in your inbox by the end of the day.

Fact: The goal of “inbox zero” works for some people but not for others. The key to managing email is to designate specific times of the day for reading and responding to it, to differentiate between emails that can be handled quickly and those that require more time, and to learn how to use all of your email software’s features (folders, filters and archives) in ways that work best for you.

Myth: It’s best to stand while you work.

Fact: It’s better to change your position throughout the day, in a regular cycle of sitting, standing and moving around. Among other things, this variety helps bring more blood to your brain, improving your cognition and therefore your productivity.

Myth: The more hours you work, the more you get done.

Fact: It is important to take breaks throughout the workday. Even a five-minute walk around the office can boost your mood with no impact on your ability to focus. Getting enough rest and sleep can serve you better than working longer hours. Walking away from your work for a longer period – overnight, over the weekend or on vacation – gives your ideas a chance to marinate in your subconscious mind, allowing for new bursts of productivity when you return.

Myth: The secret to improving productivity is to find the right system and stick with it.

Fact: Every person and every workday is different. While we may be able to develop new strategies and habits that work for us most of the time, our jobs and lives will always throw us curve balls that lead to less-than-perfect results. We need to accept this imperfect reality, forgive ourselves and try again tomorrow.

Go to our website: www.ncmalliance.com

How to Make the Most of Your Workday By Phyllis Korkki Do you often find your workday spiraling out of control? You start each day with a plan to get so much done, but soon find yourself becoming distracted, focusing on low-priority tasks and, simply, procrastinating.

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inkdrinkershadowsinger · 8 years ago

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Liam Payne Astrology Interpretation

LIAM PAYNE

Credit to Café Astrology. The normal font is straight from their website, the italicized are my thoughts.

Sun in Virgo

It is rare to find the stereotypical nitpicky, exacting, “clean freak” in modern-day Virgos. Unless your Niall Horan, but this is Liam’s chart. Virgo people are generally respectable, hard-working individuals who have a love of knowledge and know how. No one can doubt how hard Liam works. How many songs did he and Louis write during One Direction? Almost all of them on their last three albums, though Midnight Memories is still my favorite. There was that thing around that said Liam was the one that signed all the financial documents for the band, which I wouldn’t doubt. He always pushed the boys to work harder, to practice more, especially during the early years, and while on the X-Factor, because the band their success, really meant something to Liam. Without this sense of responsibility I don’t know if they would have succeeded as well as they did.

Virgos are sensitive to their surroundings, and they tend to embarrass easily. Or frustrate easily. Thanks, Louis. However, once they are comfortable, they can talk up a storm. And talk and talk and talk. Liam does seem to be a bit of a chatterbox for sure. Many Virgo suns are not too comfortable with the limelight. Why he seems like a Leo to me more than a Virgo. Solar Virgos have a strong sense of responsibility. Even when they’ve convinced themselves to be irresponsible about something or the other, they worry about it. This is Liam to the letter.

However, when Solar Virgos are not involved in some kind of a project, there is generally a vague feeling of discontent. He talked a lot before the hiatus about that. He said he didn’t know what he was going to do with all his free time. He was quite anxious about it. No worries, just turned out he was gonna make another human being. What an overachiever.

Even when their lives are filled up with work, they are restless and somewhat nervous creatures. Yup. The fear of under-performing is often strong. Nervous Nancy. In fact, Virgos are often self-effacing and shy. Or dorky and endearing. They need your respect and appreciation. To be praised. Add plenty of worthwhile projects to keep them busy, and Virgos can be some of the sweetest, kindest people around. He is very smart and kind. He always smiles in fan pictures and is super nice to them, and I admire that.

Sun in 10th

The urge to work toward a goal, for success and accomplishment, and/or for power is part of your make-up. He wants to succeed. See out a career that allows you to manage, rather than be managed, if possible. Check. Successful career is guaranteed, but may sometimes come late. If this album flops he’ll be back in a few years with a killer album cause he’s brilliant, hard-working, talented, and won’t give up.

1062 Conjunction Sun-Mercury

Because your ego and your mind are aligned, you possess much mental energy. Busy mind, can’t sit still. You are highly intelligent with a great drive to communicate with others. He’s smart in the things he wants to be smart in. You may not always listen as well as you speak, however. He said something like this in their last book, about learning to not speak over people. You might be too busy thinking about what to say next. Some listen. Some just wait for their next chance to talk. As far as studying or learning goes, you are better off reading the material than listening to a teacher. Self-taught. He finished school at his own pace because school stood in the way of what he really wanted which was to go back on the X-Factor again. These traits come from a strong need to take an active role in communications. It is very hard for you to passively listen and absorb information. He knew finishing school would help him get to his future so he did it. He went after what he wanted. Very admirable.

Your opinions are usually strong and you are an independent thinker. In the Lilo, Louis and Liam, writing team one would automatically assume that Louis would be the one to push or to be the super outspoken one, but this would disagree with that and so would I. Louis is way more the type to just put his hands up verses Liam who if he really wanted something he would dig his hands in until he got it. Louis would see another way to get what he wanted. Liam would believe his opinion or thought was right and would never give in. You tend to be proud of your opinions and thoughts, and might easily get a bruised ego if you are not “heard”, if your opinions are pushed aside or ignored, or if your opinions are criticized. I can see this. You are expressive and possibly a very animated speaker. You can’t listen to Liam talk and not smile or feel what he feels. He talks like he’s just so excited to get every new syllable out. How can you not love that?

You are also very witty and others enjoy your playful and sometimes mischievous sense of humor. Dorky would be a better word.

Moon in Aquarius

Moon in Aquarius people are extremely observant. He knows how to work a crowd. Banana suit? He’s got that. Silly voices, extra songs, he gives the people what they want. This often stems from a detached-even shy- personality, especially in youth. He had experiences with bullying. Whether due to character or conditioning, Moon in Aquarius people often grow up feeling “different”. The weird kid that like music too much over the more traditional sporty, laddy types. Although they are rather sociable, they are often loners at heart. Someone build a time machine, go back in time, and tell him how wonderful his life’s going to be, please. Many have strong egos. Liam genuinely believes that he can do anything now. So he does. It’s not a nasty ego, just the confidence he never really had before.

Lunar Aquarians can be very willful, especially in childhood. Liam and his muddy jeans. They are generally proud of their family members, boasting just how unique they are. I feel like he really loves his family. And he’s super proud of his new one, as well.

Although given to temper tantrums and willful behavior in youth. He was probably very headstrong. Although Lunar Aquarians can be especially adept at understanding others’ behavior and motivations, they can lose touch with their own-simply because they have identified to strongly with what they aspire to be and these aspirations are often super-human. He wants to do everything, be everything, the best artist, writer, the next Batman, protector of the innocent, the whole lot. The Aquarian tendency to be humanitarian shows up powerfully in Moon in Aquarius. However, their kindness and concern for others is generally more a broad philosophy of life. He knows there’s a lot he can do and feels bad, but not bad enough to take action. Lunar Aquarians will tolerate and enjoy all kinds of idiosyncrasies in people around them. He would have room to talk if he did.

Moon in Aquarius people are rarely flighty people, but they can be unreliable when it concerns the little things in life. I disagree, he’s very sure. Steady. In the long haul, however, they are rather constant. As long as they have their own space and the freedom to be themselves, however kooky that may be, they are trustworthy and loyal. I’ll just leave that there. Lunar Aquarians generally make wonderful friends. They’ll make a point of leaving nobody on the outside. Sweetie bedeezie. What may be surprising is that Moon in Aquarius people have a lot of pride. LEO! I’m telling you people. When their character or behavior has been criticized, they tend to dig in their heels and keep right on doing it. Or when they think they’re right.

He is sociable, intelligent, and lucid. Thanks to great sociability, he has many friends. He is modern, original, inventive, non-conformist and brings new life to everything he does. This is a good description of Liam.

He has a complex love life. He seems rather straight forward, in this area, actually.

Moon in 3rd

Highly imaginative, but HAS DIFFICULTY IN CONCENTRATING. He moves around a lot and travels frequently. He can’t sit still. You are very responsive, communicative, and curious. Yes. You can have a talent for imitating others and/or for picking up languages. Vocal ability. You might either intellectualize your emotions rather than truly feel them and deal with them, or you communicate with excessive emotion. When overwhelmed, I can see both of these things. Some of you may do both at different times, and as you mature and develop, you learn to find a balance. You might find that sometimes you adopt others’ points of view and express their ideas as if they were your own. He’s one of those people who hear someone say a cool phrase or something and then starts saying it all the time. You might be quite nervous and restless, requiring frequent changes in scenery, even if the movement or travel takes place locally. Let’s drive to the grocery store in my three hundred thousand dollar car. It’ll be fun.

154 Opposition Moon-Venus

Because you value harmony, you may find yourself giving in to others to easily, especially in the first half of life. Resentment is possible, as you can feel that you are the one who seems to do all the acquiescing. If he hadn’t been so successful so early in life than this could definitely have been a possibility. There can be a distinct tendency to become friends and lovers with people too readily, simply because there is a strong need for approval and a hunger for receiving affection. A dog just wants its belly scratched, it doesn’t care who does it, but I don’t think Liam is a player, more a serial monogamist.

As such, you may get involved with people who seem to really like you, and you fail to consider whether you actually like them back. Or if they are using you or not. Generally, one of your life’s lessons is to learn to discriminate more and to get in touch with what you truly want and need. I think he does this pretty well all ready. You may find yourself compromising your own emotional needs in order to find and keep love. Peace and harmony are important to you, perhaps too much so, as you can easily be taken advantage of. We haven’t seen evidence of this with Liam that we have with the others. Insecurity is something that you need to deal with at some point in your life. He knows that he looks good now, but he might still struggle every now and then which he shouldn’t because he’s lovely. You can also be quite sexually active and sometimes quite lustful. He would demand to be called Daddy, and I’m not even joking, but it would be like my favorite flavor of ice cream. Vanilla. You are capable of working hard, but you truly appreciate luxuriating and enjoying as many pleasures as possible, and self-discipline simply isn’t always at your disposal. A watch that costs more than your house for every occasion.

49 Trine Moon-Mars

You are a passionate person who loves life. He’s so enthusiastic it’s brilliant. You are a sexual person who nevertheless doesn’t get too carried away or controlled by your passions. You need an emotional connection in order to feel complete on a physical level. Serial monogamist. You may have an affection and talent for sports. An affection certainly for playing sports, I think, getting a little dirty.

He is full of vigor and ambition. He is strong and powerful. He is a little hard on himself, but, above all, on others whose capacity for action is not as great. He wants everyone to be as motivated and as excited and as hard working as he is.

4 Trine Moon-Jupiter

He is optimistic, and realisitically so, most of the time, which contributes to his overall “luck”. Very optimistic. The odds have been with him so far, so why not. He is able to offer support to others when needed. Or save their lives, whatever. Quick to find humor in situations, he is generally warm and fun to be around. Warm, noble, strong….. Deep down, he believes in the basic goodness of people and of life in general, and this basic and natural attitude helps him to attract positive circumstances and make good connections. He’s just a happy, energetic, and positive person. Even if you hate people like that or find them annoying Liam’s the exception. His hunches are more often than not bang-on. He seems very intuitive.

His friendships are sincere. He seems like he has good friends and is a good judge of character. You could not talk to him in five years and he would still consider you a good friend if you once were, and treat you just the same. He is a worker and knows how to surround himself with the right people: He is appreciated at work. He’s super talented and nice. Exactly the kind of person that people want to work with.

Mercury in Virgo

He secretly feels that he handles matters better than others. Probably not so secretly.

Mercury in 10th

His home and comfort are the only things important for him. He likes to have a nice house. Have you see that mansion? All that marble? He’ll be renting it out to Lil Bow Wow the 9th in like 50 years as a location for his rap video. Liam will be cameoing in the background drinking moonshine out of one of those leg lamps from “A Christmas Story”, both way too happy and way too tan.

You are good with language, and generally use this talent in your profession. Voice, talking to people. You can have an authoritative air about you, or you are talented at communicating and negotiating with those in authority. Liam is the only authority Louis William Tomlinson ever listened to or still listens to.

Venus in Leo- Finally some Leo

When Venus in Leo people are in love, they are proud, even boastful. Y’all remember those cringe worthy comments on Sophia’s Instagram that were posted right after their breakup. Variations of “Why are you so hot, sexy???” on every photo. The second hand embarrassment was real. Who takes a photo of their girl making a smoothie? He is extremely boastful and proud of who he’s with which is why he attracts really glam women who are normally in the industry like he is. They like him because of the constant validation. Dating Liam means you get told you’re beautiful, sexy, hot constantly. It means that you are complimented more than you have ever been in your whole life. I feel like his Venus Leo is one of the major aspects of his personality.

This position of Venus can turn humble Virgos Suns into somewhat demanding lovers. Or into Leos masquerading as Virgos. Venus in Leo loves to court and be courted, and they need to feel very special. Expensive gifts galore, for friends and family too. He seems overly generous here. They are warm, generous, and even grand. Be prepared for their displays, they will tell you about any advances made on them. Remember, they’re just showing off to you, and it’s likely harmless. He would tell you that someone hit on him not to be like look I have other options, but to give himself brownie points with you. Look, babe, I did a good job. It would make sense in Liam’s mind. It’s a different story if you do the same, however. That’s why you’ll hear the lion roar…. And, no doubt, you’ll want to keep these cats purring. And purring does occur, no doubt in my mind.

Experienced in love, even if they have little or no experience whatsoever. No worries here. Venus in Leo people have high expectations, but once you know that these expectations revolve only around how much attention you are giving them, you’ll see that they are really quite big-hearted about most everything else. Big-hearted is definitely a descriptor I would use for Liam.

Although their needs for physical expression through sex are generally quite strong, their need for love is perhaps even stronger. He wants affection more than anything, to be coddled and praised. It is hard for Venus in Leo people to separate love and sex, and even their most erotic fantasies are infused with love and affection. For this reason, few Venus in Leo folk would last long in a relationship that is mostly sexual. On the flip side, they may last longer in a love-only relationship in the absence of satisfying sex, but they are unlikely to feel very satisfied. Most of his relationships probably started out with sex or infatuation and Liam’s romantic brain supplied the compatibility and love even if there wasn’t a lot there to start with.

Pleasing Venus in Leo involves paying loans of attention to them. He deserves this really. If you’re willing to make only one adjustment in your ways, it should be to remind Leo how wonderful they are. Respect and appreciate them always. That should go for every aspect or sign or whatever. Put up with their childlike moments and their tall tales. And I’m sure there are plenty of them. They actually lose interest when they perceive the slightest loss of interest in their partner. Maybe this is where the insecurity in some of his placements makes itself known????

Remember, to Venus in Leo, your small jealousies are affirmations that you find them attractive and expect the rest of the world to as well. I can see this with him, then he’d automatically be uncomfortable that someone else was flirting with him because he really likes belonging to someone and that’s sweet. Let them decide where to go on a date, and let them pay too. He’d probably insist. When Venus in Leo feels loved and appreciated, they reward you with loyalty, a big sense of fun, and plenty of physical expressions of their love. How he is with his family and friends and significant other would be my guess.

Sincere, frank, and warm affections. If he likes you, you’ll know it. High hopes in love. I had this friend growing up where every time she got a new relationship she’s swear that this one was the one. She’d say, now I know I’ve said this before, but I’ve never, never felt like this before. I love him, blah, blah, blah…. I think Liam is the same way.

Very proud in love, and warm-hearted and generous with loved ones. Like everything else in his chart, this is a repeat.

Venus in 9th

Refined mind, he likes the Arts. Very musical. How many instruments did he play for M.I.T.A.M? He is carried away by beautiful things. Beautiful, expensive people and things.

You are not especially clingy, and you expect a certain amount of freedom within a partnership. This sounds wrong to. He just seems like he’d be super clingy, super touchy feely all the time. You want to feel like you are growing as an individual, and you won’t be happy in a relationship that is restrictive or confining. Okay. Beware of a tendency for dissatisfaction with what you have, as the tendency to think that the “grass is greener” elsewhere can keep you from enjoying or developing what you have. This maybe the cause of his past break-ups, this lack of contentment when things get too easy. He likes adventure and excitement. He likes drama, the little divo.

Mars in Libra

Decisiveness is not their strong point, but they do, eventually, get things done. He likes to weigh his options before finally making a decision. Many people with this position procrastinate, generally because they feel the need to weigh all of the alternatives before taking action. Not what are we going to next, Liam. He’s already done that thing and is on to the next thing.

Life isn’t always fair, but Mars in Libra will seldom accept this notion. His hero instincts would try to make it fair no matter what.

Passive-agressiveness is practically the hallmark of this position. Stomping mad, or just angry growling to show his discontent. They know how to compromise and are excellent at conflict management. He seems like he’d be a good mediator.

Mars in 11th

He achieves his ambitions. He’s very headstrong, very hardworking.

189 Conjunction Mars-Jupiter

He is jovial, frank, and sincere. More descriptors. He is full of dynamism and over abundant energy. He loves life and takes all it has to offer. He likes sports and the outdoor life. He is successful professionally and emotionally. He usually has lots of children. Liam’s new reality show, “Daddy Direction” Liam and his eighteen children and their crazy lives. Yeah, I’d watch the heck out of that in like twenty years. Then he go on Dancing with the Stars and Louis can do a cameo booty shake and my life will be complete.

He is honest and forthright in his dealings with others, and he tends to trust others readily. But that hasn’t got him in trouble yet, thank goodness. He can be a bit careless about spending money, however, and this is probably because he is so eternally optimistic that there will always be plenty around. The possibility of failure does not enter his mind, although success itself is not that important to him. He will be the first one to blow through all their money hence the reality show. One can only hope, at least.

Jupiter in Libra

He values people and relationships and might succeed best in partnership. Lilo writing team. I really think he should go into producing and writing, for sure.

Jupiter in 11th

He is cooperative, organizes everyone. 3,2,1 Hi, We’re One Direction. He achieves his objectives. No matter what.

28 Square Jupiter-Uranus

His extravagance is shocking. Ohhh……

23 Square Jupiter-Neptune

He is easily influenced. He is a dreamer, who lets himself be seduced by fine words, which are not always sincere. He does not see wickedness and is often fooled by people. He’s honest and expects others to be as well.

Saturn in Aquarius in 3rd

His studies will be restricted. He just the basics in school, no university. He has few friends, who are, however, very close. This is pretty clear.

51 Square Saturn-Pluto

He is an egoist. At his worst maybe.

Uranus in Capricorn in 2nd

He has a lot of flair. If anyone asks me in the future to describe Liam Payne I’m going to say this. He must have an out-of-the-ordinary job, in which case all goes well. He does. Otherwise, he will often change jobs and will have financial problems. In another life, this would probably be the case.

22 Sextile Uranus- Ascendant

He is ready to innovate, to change everything. He is inventive. Let’s hear it then, can’t wait for the album.

Neptune in Capricorn

He is discerning, wise and sensible. Yup.

Neptune in 2nd

He might make money through artistic pursuits. Natal chart or crystal ball? Financial advice is important to obtain. This is a common theme in his chart, I hope it’s unwarranted.

14 Conjunction Pluto-Ascendant

He has will power and ambition, and likes to have his own way.

Ascendant in Scorpio

Scoprio Ascendant people have a lot of presence. There is something about them that tells the world that they are not to be pushed around. But they always seem powerful and determined. He does seen very determined, always has. Scorpio rising natives are drawn to down-to-Earth, natural partners. His chart is so not reliable. This isn’t how I would describe Liam at all, nor the type of people that he tends to go for.

House 2 in Sagittarius

He may have a laissez-faire attitude towards money. Money again, he needs to leave it in the bank, it’s a sign.

House 3 in Capricorn

He is introverted. No, definitely not. He doesn’t speak about his plans until they are underway. Nope, not this either, we all remember that little teaser video in the black hoodie. He is silly.

House 5 in Aries

Full of initiative. Things are done to the full, with energy, vigor and strength of purpose. Yup. Yup. Children will be hardy and rarely ill. Good.

House 6 in Aries

Ability to command, knows how to take up his responsibilities at work. This again.

House 7 in Taurus

Marries for love, but also well financially. A peaceful union even if exchange of ideas isn’t always smooth.

House 8 in Gemini

He is a writer. Writer. Performer. Take care of the lungs, if a smoker than it is advisable to stop. I think I watched something the other day where he said he had stopped smoking. Congrats, Liam.

A/N: This is just an interpretation of Liam's chart. I got everything from Café Astrology so credit to them again. I am not an astrologer and I in no way shape or form own Liam Payne or unfortunately One Direction. I am not an astrologer just a fan with to much time on her hands in before school starts back up.

#Liam Payne #Liam Payne Natal Chart #Liam Payne Astrology #Astrology #natal chart #Strip that down #Louis Tomlinson #Harry Styles #Niall Horan #One Direction #Virgo #Scorpio #leo #Venus in Leo

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oliveraaliyah1994 · 4 years ago

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weightlossfitness2 · 5 years ago

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We’ll be trustworthy. The “no bad foods” philosophy could be actually scary, particularly for individuals who’ve spent years organizing meals into good and dangerous classes.

But it may also be equally transformative.

We’ve discovered that after our purchasers welcome the meals they love again into their lives—with out worry and with out guilt—they wrestle much less, get pleasure from consuming extra, and, lastly, are capable of overcome obstacles that stand between them and their wholesome consuming objectives.

Why the great vs. dangerous strategy simply doesn’t work.

Many individuals divide meals into simply two classes.

Good meals: Vegetables, legumes, complete grains, fish, lean meat, and different minimally-processed, nutrient-dense meals.

Bad meals: Sweets, chips, crackers, white bread, fries, and different highly-processed meals that provide little to no dietary worth.

And earlier than we clarify why we don’t kind meals into “good” and “bad” buckets, we need to be very clear. The dietary variations between these two classes are fairly straightforward to identify.

Many of the so-called “bad” meals, in excessive quantities, can elevate the danger for a wide range of ailments.

They’re additionally extremely arduous to withstand. (The meals business actually has created low-cost, simply accessible merchandise that our style buds and brains love.)

But are they dangerous?

We don’t use that terminology—for six main causes.

Reason #1: One single meals doesn’t outline your whole weight loss program.

Maybe you’ve heard of a youngster who ate simply 4 meals for many of his life: fries, chips, white bread, and processed pork.1

And then he went blind.

It’s a cautionary story, for certain, however it’s necessary to maintain one factor in perspective: That teen is an outlier. Most individuals don’t eat simply 4 meals.

They eat a range.

And the fries, chips, bread, and pork didn’t trigger the teenager’s blindness immediately.

They precipitated it not directly—by crowding out meals wanted for good eye well being.

What really issues for good well being? Balance.

In different phrases, you don’t need your toaster pastries, spray cheese-like product, and crescent rolls to crowd out veggies, fruit, beans, nuts, recent meats, seafood, and different nutrient-dense complete meals.

If they do, like the teenager we talked about, you run the danger of deficiency.

So the query is: Are you in stability?

We expertise huge advantages (fats loss, improved well being) once we go from poor diet to common or above common.

But ultimately, we see diminishing returns.

As this chart exhibits, not solely are positive aspects a lot tougher to see after 80 to 90 p.c of your weight loss program consists of complete, minimally-processed meals, you additionally run the danger of consuming problems like orthorexia (an unhealthy obsession with wholesome consuming).

Is most (80 to 90 p.c) of what you eat nutrient-dense and minimally processed? (Think veggies, fruit, meat, fish, nuts, seeds, beans, lentils, complete grains.) Then there’s seemingly room for much less nutritious meals.

Is most of what you eat highly-processed and nutrient-poor? (Think sweets and chips.) Consider small actions to make your weight loss program just a bit bit higher. Slowly add extra nutrient-dense meals (veggies, fruit, fish, poultry, and so forth) to every meal. Use our “What Should I Eat?” infographic for steering.

Reason #2: No one meals is dangerous for all individuals in all conditions.

To illustrate this level, Precision Nutrition Master Coach Kate Solovieva typically brings up cola.

Many individuals see it as a foul meals. Because it’s loaded with sugar and missing in nutritional vitamins and minerals.

But is cola dangerous in all conditions?

“Let’s say you’re visiting a country with no safe drinking water,” says Solovieva. “In that case, cola—with its air-tight seal—is a much better option than water.”

Or, possibly you’re sixty sweaty miles right into a 100-mile bike race and your blood sugar is so low that you simply’re hallucinating flying pink elephants. In that case, the sugar and caffeine within the cola may make the distinction between ending the race and a DNF.

Our particular person physiology and psychology additionally have an effect on what occurs once we eat particular meals.

Added sugar, for instance, impacts somebody with sort 2 diabetes otherwise than it impacts somebody whose cells are insulin delicate. And it could have an effect on the identical individual otherwise relying on whether or not they’re sleep disadvantaged.

At PN, we discuss lots about deep well being—which describes a lot greater than our weight, ldl cholesterol degree, and blood sugar.

Deep well being contains the place we stay and the way we really feel and who we spend time with. It’s about each side of who we’re.

When you think about well being on this mild, the precise meals grow to be much less necessary, and the general consuming sample and full context of somebody’s life turns into much more necessary.

Reason #three: Demonizing sure meals could make them much more interesting.

Lots of individuals inform us that 100 p.c abstaining from “bad foods” is the one method they will keep any smidgen of management round their consuming.

If they are saying “okay” to 1 “bad” meals, they fear they’ll open the floodgates to a weight loss program swollen with cookies, brownies, chips, and fries—in addition to devoid of veggies and different complete meals.

Here’s the factor:

There’s a delicate distinction between demonizing a meals and merely abstaining from it as a result of you understand you are likely to overeat it.

When we demonize meals, we “moralize these foods—thinking of ourselves as bad people for eating them,” says Solovieva.

This paradoxically can enhance our want for the very meals we’re making an attempt to not eat. When researchers from Arizona State University confirmed dieters damaging messages about unhealthy meals, the dieters skilled elevated cravings for these meals—and ate extra of them.2

It’s true that some individuals can prohibit sure “bad” meals for some time.

But, for lots of people, cravings ultimately overwhelm their skill to limit. And once they eat one thing “bad”—they really feel responsible. So they eat much more—and should even cease making an attempt to achieve their objectives. This can create a vicious circle, because the graphic under exhibits.

Now, allow us to be clear: For some individuals, sure meals will not be definitely worth the wrestle—no less than for now. They might determine that, in the event that they’re round sure meals, they’re going to overeat them. So they get them out of the home.

And that technique can work. In truth, we encourage our purchasers to do kitchen makeovers and take away meals they have a tendency to overeat.

But it’s not the identical factor as labeling a meals as “bad.”

When we label meals “something I tend to overeat” quite than “bad,” we’re higher capable of loosen up, stay versatile, and, doubtlessly, develop into somebody who can get pleasure from the identical meals, carefully.

Reason #four: Categorizing meals as “good” and “bad” can work—however often just for some time.

Having coached greater than 100,000 purchasers, we are able to say with confidence that “all or nothing” hardly ever will get us “all.”

Instead, it typically will get us nothing.

For instance, when somebody decides to cease consuming “bad” meals, often they fight actually arduous to remain true to their aim. They’re dedicated, and so they even might keep on with avoiding an extended checklist of forbidden meals… for a bit.

But then one thing goes incorrect.

Maybe they go to work and discover that a coworker left home made brownies on their desk.

Or each a part of their day goes sideways and, within the night, they discover themselves head down in a gallon of chocolate chip cookie dough as they suppose “This is bad.”

Or they’re driving for hours to go to kinfolk, pull right into a relaxation cease, and all they discover to eat: the stuff on their forbidden meals checklist.

Rigidity—good or dangerous, all or nothing—is the enemy of consistency.

But on the flipside, flexibility helps you keep extra constant. That’s as a result of it lets you lean into all of the options out there to you.

Flexibility additionally frees individuals to make use of inner steering—quite than another person’s exterior guidelines—to determine what meals to eat, when to eat them, and why.

So, for instance, quite than avoiding sugar simply because a well being website informed them to cease consuming it, somebody may think about:

Am I hungry?

Am I careworn?

Is this meals value it to me?

What else have I eaten at present?

What would enable me to really get pleasure from this meals—with out going overboard?

That inner steering may enable that individual with the brownie to say, “You know, I really like brownies, but I’m going to save this until after lunch, when I’m not as hungry, so I can eat it slowly and truly savor it.”

Or that one who is head down within the gallon of ice cream to say, “Okay, so this was probably more ice cream than my body really needed. True. No getting around that. How can I avoid feeling this triggered in the future? And are there other ways I can comfort myself that don’t involve raiding the freezer?”

And for that individual on the relaxation cease, flexibility permits them to scan their decisions and go for the most effective meal for them at that second.

Reason #5: It’s actually okay—and fully regular—to eat for pleasure.

Food serves many functions far past simply flooding somebody’s physique with vitamins and energy.

Some meals aren’t essentially loaded with vitamins, however they:

Taste wonderful.

Connect us with associates and households.

Create a way of belonging.

Make celebrations worthwhile.

In different phrases, meals isn’t simply gasoline. It’s additionally love and tradition and pleasure—and an entire lot extra.

When you consider meals on this method, every little thing—even your grandma’s particular black forest cake—can have a goal and a spot.

Rather than an inventory of meals you possibly can or can’t eat, you as an alternative have decisions. You have meals you select to eat for vitality, for pleasure, for well being, and lots of different necessary causes.

Reason #6: When we obsess over “bad foods,” we rob ourselves of the power to evolve.

Rigidly abstaining can train us to get actually good at… abstaining.

And when you’re okay with abstaining from an extended checklist of meals for the remainder of your life, there’s nothing incorrect with that strategy.

But when you’re not okay with a life sentence of no cookies, no brownies, no cake, no bread, and no pasta, then you might be completely happy to study that there’s an alternate strategy. It entails getting inquisitive about why you wrestle to average your consumption of sure meals.

Consider:

What results in feeling out-of-control?

What triggers the “I need this” and the “I can’t stop eating this” ideas?

When is it doable to eat this meals in average quantities (if ever)? When isn’t it?

The level: Rather than zeroing in on “bad foods,” search for the underlying causes (known as triggers) that lead you to wrestle.

A set off generally is a:

Feeling. We may eat extra once we’re careworn, lonely, or bored. Food fills the void.

Time of day. We at all times have a cookie at 11 am, or a soda at three pm. It’s simply a part of our routine.

Social setting. Hey, everybody else is having beer and hen wings, so may as effectively be a part of the completely happy hour!

Place. For some purpose, a darkish movie show or our mother and father’ kitchen may make us need to munch.

Thought sample. Thinking “I deserve this” or “Life is too hard to chew kale” may steer us towards the drive-thru window.

To uncover triggers, we regularly ask our purchasers to maintain a meals journal—writing down every little thing they eat and drink for per week or two. When they discover themselves craving or feeling uncontrolled, we ask them to jot down the solutions to questions like:

What am I feeling?

What time is it?

Who am I with?

Where am I?

What ideas am I having?

They strategy it with a “feedback not failure” mentality.

The level isn’t to catch them doing one thing incorrect. It’s to assist them assess what’s actually occurring.

Once we perceive why our purchasers are reaching for these meals, we’re better-equipped to counsel actions that actually assist them transfer in direction of a more healthy relationship with all meals.

One Man’s Evolution Away From Bad Foods

Dominic Matteo grew up studying bodybuilding magazines. For most of his life, he considered veggies, hen breast, egg whites, candy potatoes, oats, and some different meals as “good.”

All different meals? Bad.

These distinctions didn’t hassle him when he wasn’t making an attempt to shed fats.

But as soon as he began making an attempt to limit his consumption, the label “bad” functioned like a tractor beam that drew him straight to the ice cream.

“That’s when I was like, ‘Oh, this is a problem,’” he says.

For a number of months, he fully abstained from all sweets. He simply didn’t eat sugar—in any respect.

But he knew that wasn’t a sustainable—or fulfilling—technique to stay.

After making use of Precision Nutrition methods, nonetheless, Matteo began to view his checklist of dangerous meals otherwise. Rather than seeing ice cream as “bad,” he considered it as “a food I enjoy, but slows my progress.”

That new label allowed him to contemplate how and underneath what circumstances he would coexist with this candy deal with.

“Now, if I do eat it, it will be under certain conditions that I can feel happy about,” he says.

For instance, he likes to take pleasure in ice cream from outlets that make it recent that day. But lower-quality ice cream isn’t value it for him.

Today, Matteo is greater than 100 kilos lighter and, as a Precision Nutrition Master Coach, he’s serving to others to observe in his footsteps.

“If there are no good or bad foods, how can anyone ever know what to eat—and what to limit?”

We hear this lots.

That’s as a result of some individuals assume that “no bad foods” is synonymous with “all foods are good so eat whatever you want.”

But that’s not what we’re saying in any respect.

We are, nonetheless, saying this: Rather than sorting meals into simply two buckets—good and dangerous—it’s often extra useful for most individuals to see meals as a continuum of eat extra, eat some, and eat much less.

This may, at first, merely sound like one other technique to kind meals into classes.

But it’s not.

Unlike lists of dangerous meals, which are typically universally inflexible, a continuum “allows everything to be contextual and personalized,” explains Precision Nutrition Master Coach Dominic Matteo.

“If my goal is muscle gain, my continuum will look different than if my goal is fat loss,” Matteo says.

Once individuals outline that continuum for themselves, we then work with them to seek out methods to incorporate extra “eat more” meals and fewer “eat less” meals, aiming to make every meal just a bit bit higher.

For instance, earlier than Matteo grew to become a Precision Nutrition Master Coach, he was a consumer who needed to lose fats. This is how “just a little bit better” regarded like for him for a selected quick meals lunch.

He ultimately ended up in an identical place that some forbidden meals lists might have despatched him, however he did it in small steps, and in a method that was finally extra sustainable.

What’s extra, it didn’t imply he might by no means have a double bacon cheeseburger once more. Sometimes he does, however he enjoys it—on his phrases.

“My client believes in bad foods—as if they were a religion. Help!”

Saying, “there are no bad foods” often ends in a clean stare.

So, faux you don’t know the solutions, says Kate Solovieva.

Assume a poker face, and ask questions that appear apparent.

What follows is a dialog Solovieva had with a consumer about this very matter.

Client: Bad meals are my drawback. I want to chop them out. I simply can’t eat them.

Coach: So, are you able to inform me slightly bit extra. When you speak about chopping out the dangerous meals, what does that appear like?

Client: Taking sugar out of my weight loss program.

Coach: So whenever you say sugar, what are among the issues you might be considering of?

Client: Cookies. Pastries. Chocolate—chocolate is my weak spot.

Coach: So… you actually get pleasure from chocolate?

Client: I do.

Coach: Help me perceive. What is it that you simply get pleasure from?

Client: I don’t know if it’s the frenzy of consuming the chocolate bar itself. Or possibly it’s the truth that I don’t have it on a regular basis. I don’t know. There’s one thing about chocolate.

Coach: So, in some methods, it makes you’re feeling tremendous good. And it clearly provides you pleasure. What makes you label it as dangerous?

Client: It’s the high-calorie rely and the quantity—the portion.

Coach: So the excessive variety of energy makes it dangerous? Can you clarify?

Client: Well, for me, it results in weight achieve.

Coach: So what I’m listening to is that it’s not the chocolate that’s dangerous. It’s the load achieve that’s dangerous. Is that proper?

Client: Pretty a lot. Exactly.

Coach: So I’m inquisitive about one thing you mentioned. You love chocolate. You get pleasure from it. You just like the style of it. When I requested why it’s dangerous, you informed me concerning the energy and the parts. Can you inform me extra?

Client: Well, I can’t simply have one or two squares. Ideally I shouldn’t have any greater than 5 squares—half a bar. But I don’t have that management. The second I style it, I’ve to have increasingly more and extra.

Coach: So what occurs whenever you don’t have chocolate in any respect?

Client: I’ve gone months with out it. And it’s nice! But then I find yourself consuming it—like on a special day. And then I binge. And then every little thing goes downhill. So I’m higher off not having it in any respect.

Coach: What do you suppose would occur when you had slightly bit… on a regular basis? Like on goal.

Client: I don’t know…I don’t suppose I’ve that management. Should I attempt that?

Coach: I don’t know. Should you?

Client: (Sounding tentative) Sure, possibly I can attempt that?

Coach: Well, what I’m listening to is that you simply get pleasure from it. And it sounds just like the bingeing conduct is going on since you don’t have it every single day. So possibly you possibly can do this as an experiment. Maybe you see what occurs if, each single day, you might have this factor that you simply get pleasure from. And whenever you eat it, in order for you extra, you possibly can simply remind your self which you could have extra—tomorrow. Are you with me?

Client: Yes.

Coach: It’s a scary experiment. But when you determine to provide it a shot, let me know, okay?

Client: Okay, I’ll. I’m kinda nervous about it, however I’ll attempt it.

And then the dialog can go on to outline the experiment: How a lot chocolate? What time of day? How will you eat it?

And it doesn’t matter what the consumer finally does—whether or not the consumer tries the suggestion or not—“you’re in a position for them to come back to you without feeling judged,” Solovieva says.

“Isn’t it just easier to not eat certain foods?”

For some individuals in some conditions at sure factors of their journey: sure.

But this have to abstain doesn’t need to be a everlasting scenario. Once they develop a spread of habits, many individuals can shift from abstaining from sure meals to moderating them.

That’s why we wish to ask our purchasers to contemplate two questions concerning the meals they consider as dangerous:

What does this meals do—for you?

What would you like it to do?

For instance, possibly, proper now, sure meals make you’re feeling uncontrolled since you wrestle to cease consuming them when you begin. But you’d like them to merely grow to be meals you get pleasure from carefully.

What are the entire doable methods of going from level A (uncontrolled) to level B (one thing I get pleasure from carefully)?

There are dozens of different prospects that we didn’t even checklist on the chart above. You may attempt one. You may attempt a number of. You may attempt all of them.

The level: You might discover that liberating your self from the great vs. dangerous mindset frees you to see extra prospects than ever earlier than.

And, alongside the best way, you may additionally uncover that this broader, extra versatile mindset permits you not solely to get pleasure from each meal a heck of much more—but additionally to achieve your objectives extra rapidly.

References

Click right here to view the data sources referenced on this article.

If you’re a coach, otherwise you need to be…

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What’s all of it about?

The Precision Nutrition Level 1 Certification is the world’s most revered diet schooling program. It provides you the information, techniques, and instruments you want to actually perceive how meals influences an individual’s well being and health. Plus the power to show that information right into a thriving teaching observe.

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Whether you’re already mid-career, or simply beginning out, the Level 1 Certification is your springboard to a deeper understanding of diet, the authority to educate it, and the skill to show what you understand into outcomes.

[Of course, when you’re already a pupil or graduate of the Level 1 Certification, try our Level 2 Certification Master Class. It’s an unique, year-long mentorship designed for elite professionals trying to grasp the artwork of teaching and be a part of the highest 1% of well being and health coaches on this planet.]

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Survival Skills for Highly Sensitive People

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Survival Skills for Highly Sensitive People

Traits of a Highly Sensitive Person: All highly sensitive people (HSPs) are unique individuals, but they have certain traits in common. Elaine Aron, PhD, a researcher who specializes in the topic, has developed an acronym that summarizes them: DOES.

D: Depth of processing “HSPs simply process everything more, relating and comparing what they notice to their past experiences,” Aron explains. “When we decide without knowing how we came to that decision, we call this intuition, and HSPs have a good — but not infallible! — intuition.”

O: Overstimulation “What’s overstimulating to each person is different,” says Bevin Niemann, who coaches HSPs and self-identifies as highly sensitive. “It could be noise, bright lights, crowds, emotional situations — the scratchy tags in the back of a shirt might be intolerable.”

E: Emotional reactivity and empathy “We connect deeply with art, music, theater, nature, animals, stories, and books,” Niemann says. Studies have found HSPs to be especially empathetic to others, sometimes to the point of being overgiving.

S: Sensing the subtle Highly sensitive people are attuned to signals that others might miss, Aron asserts. “Our awareness of subtleties is useful in a number of ways, from simple pleasure in life to strategizing our responses based on others’ nonverbal cues.”

By all appearances, Lynelle Trigalet was thriving. In her early 40s, she managed the hectic costume shop for a theater company, where she led teams of up to 30 employees. As soon as she left the shop in the evenings, however, things changed: She had little energy for the rest of her life. She’d make dinner and then almost immediately fall asleep in front of the television. Her husband half-joked that she had an on/off switch.

Trigalet wondered why she didn’t seem to have as much energy as other people. Assuming the problem was her long work hours, she quit her job to become a wellness coach. But something was still not right. Her life — including her marriage — was falling apart, and she felt like “a failure in every aspect.”

Planning to switch careers again, Trigalet enlisted the help of a professional mentor, who happened to ask her if she was a “highly sensitive person,” or HSP. She hadn’t heard the term before, so she took a self-test designed by sensitivity expert Elaine Aron, PhD, author of The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You.

Trigalet scored high — “really high,” she says — and her initial reaction to the label was shame. Like many people, she associated the word “sensitive” with being weak or overly emotional.

But HSPs aren’t simply overwrought or neurotic. Highly sensitive people — a designation that includes about 20 percent of the population — have uniquely receptive nervous systems. The trait runs in families and even appears in animal behavior.

These types have a harder time filtering out potentially extraneous information, so their brains absorb everything. They may be hypersensitive to sounds, bright lights, tastes, and scents, which means they get overstimulated easily. But these people are also often highly creative, detail oriented, and capable of synthesizing diverse information in novel ways.

Once Trigalet recognized that she was an HSP, events in her life that had been puzzling before — like the fact that she cried every day after school during junior high — made sense. She hadn’t been depressed; she was tired and overstimulated from interacting with people all day.

The reason for the exhaustion she felt after work became clear, too. Because the brains of HSPs absorb so much information, they require extra downtime to process it. When she was busy managing her teams, usually working straight through lunch, Trigalet had no downtime whatsoever.

Her entire life improved when she finally began to understand the trait she’d carried since birth. Her marriage stabilized as she and her spouse recognized the reasons behind her need for space and quiet. And instead of beating herself up for being “different” and struggling to fit into jobs that didn’t suit her, Trigalet used her perceptive and conscientious nature (another HSP trait) to become a transformational leadership coach who works primarily with HSPs.

Reframing past events and recognizing one’s strengths are among the key steps toward thriving as a sensitive person, says Aron. These strategies can help you support HSPs — whether it’s yourself or a loved one.

Mental Self-Care

HSPs are often mistaken for introverts. There’s an overlap, but they’re not the same. Aron estimates that 70 percent of HSPs are introverts and 30 percent are extroverts. And, while it may seem more feminine in nature, the trait appears equally in women and men.

Similarly, many HSPs are labeled shy or socially awkward as children, but they may not be at all. “Sensitive people just need a little bit more time to process,” says Bevin Niemann, a coach and mentor for HSPs. “We’re going through a database of experience. We address patterns, look at ideas, and then pull all that together.”

If a sensitive person grows up in a culture that judges reserve and sensitivity as weaknesses, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy. But reframing earlier experiences can help HSPs understand past awkwardness and move forward with confidence.

Trigalet reappraised her teenage tears and adult exhaustion, learning to view them as products of her sensitivity rather than as personality flaws; Aron suggests other newly realized HSPs might do the same — and feel a greater sense of self-acceptance.

If someone you care about is highly sensitive: Make room for a sensitive person’s need for downtime — it’s a wonderful way to show support. You might also try practicing patience while your friend or loved one takes a bit longer to process information.

Physical Self-Care

Psychologist Michael Alcée, PhD, identifies as an HSP, and he finds the trait helpful for his practice. “It’s easy to intuitively pick up on different registers of feelings, almost like a good musician learns to track the complex interplay of dissonance and consonance within a song. You’re able to see finer gradations.”

To accommodate his sensitivity, Alcée has made adjustments to his physical environment — installing softer lighting in his office, for example. “I knew those fluorescent lights would be blaring in my face the whole day,” he says. “By changing them, I could be more present and therefore more helpful.”

Highly sensitive people often benefit from making similar small alterations to their workplaces and schedules, such as politely requesting that a colleague wear less perfume or seeking permission to take a quick nap after lunch, something one of Trigalet’s employees did years ago.

“I didn’t really think anything of it at the time,” Trigalet recalls. But if she’d known then what she knows now, Trigalet would have done the same thing herself. Taking time for naps and maintaining good sleep habits (regular bedtimes, a minimum of eight hours’ rest) is vital to helping HSPs stay grounded.

Regular meals are also important, says psychiatrist Judith Orloff, MD, author of The Empath’s Survival Guide. Because low blood-sugar levels can spark sensory overload, it’s helpful for these types to avoid getting too hungry.

Finally, any type of gentle movement — yoga, long walks in nature, bike rides — can provide HSPs a chance to physically dispel anxious energy without causing overstimulation.

If someone you care about is highly sensitive:Managers, parents, and others in supervisory positions can benefit from knowing that sensitive types function best when offered some quiet downtime. Sleep is crucial for HSPs — it allows them to recover from all that stimulation — and because many are prone to insomnia or interrupted sleep, naps are especially beneficial.

Emotional Self-Care

HSPs have intense feelings — a lot of them.

They exhibit intense empathy, often sensing the emotions and needs of those around them (which can cause them to slip into an off-putting “fix it” mode). Their sometimes-porous personal boundaries can present a real challenge to loved ones, who may feel disrespected or may unconsciously exploit those caretaking tendencies.

This means that developing strong boundaries is especially key to their emotional health.

“HSPs can pick up on things that are going on with other people,” Alcée says. “And it’s an important art to be able to say, ‘This is theirs; this is mine.’ Just because you can be receptive doesn’t mean that you have to be.”

Good boundaries are like a good jazz composition, he says. “I need to come back to my own instrument and make sure that I am in tune and know how to ‘read the changes’ before I try to make music with others.”

Practice setting boundaries by saying no, Orloff suggests — starting with easy interactions. “Say the telemarketer calls,” she explains. “You can practice by saying, ‘Please don’t call me again’ and then hanging up.

“You don’t have to make it into a big, long explanation when you set a boundary,” she adds. “‘No’ is a complete sentence.”

For HSPs who tend to feel the emotions of others, Orloff recommends repeating a mantra, such as “Return to sender.” Differentiating between one’s own emotions and those of another is a valuable skill that gets easier over time, but just having enough awareness to repeat a mantra is an indispensable first step.

If someone you care about is highly sensitive:When you interact with sensitive people, try not to take it personally when they say no or set boundaries in other ways. Remember that it’s difficult for them to set limits, so rather than being disappointed or annoyed by their awkwardness, you might consider celebrating their courage instead.

Social Self-Care

Social events (especially parties) can be a challenge for highly sensitive types. The stimulation of a loud, crowded place is unlikely to bring out their best, and because they tend toward deep thinking, small talk can be draining. Ideally, HSPs will plan plenty of downtime, both before and after group experiences.

There are other steps they can take to make these gatherings more enjoyable. “Prepare in advance,” suggests Jacquelyn Strickland, LPC, who counsels HSPs. “Get adequate sleep. Wear comfortable clothes. Eat a small protein meal before you go.”

Periodically stepping outside or retreating to the bathroom can help reduce sensory overload, and breathing exercises will amplify a break’s calming effect. Strickland recommends inhaling for a count of eight, holding it for a count of four, and then exhaling for a count of eight. Or just close your eyes, breathe deeply, and tune out additional stimuli.

If someone you care about is highly sensitive: When attending a party with a highly sensitive friend, be prepared to leave a little earlier than you may prefer; HSPs will reach their saturation point sooner than most. If you know you’d like to stay late at a gathering, consider planning for separate transportation.

These suggestions are all provisional, of course. “The No. 1 thing for highly sensitive people is to have a self-care plan that’s based on who they are,” Strickland notes. HSPs may have many similar traits, but each one has unique needs. With some acceptance and forethought, those needs don’t have to be a burden. Proper self-care can transform that sensitivity into a blessing.

Take the Quiz: Find a variety of quizzes and informative articles, as well as a test to determine if you’re an HSP, at

This originally appeared as “The World According to Highly Sensitive People” in the January-February 2019 print issue of Experience Life.

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Survival Skills for Highly Sensitive People

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wallythayer · 6 years ago

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Survival Skills for Highly Sensitive People

Trigalet scored high — “really high,” she says — and her initial reaction to the label was shame. Like many people, she associated the word “sensitive” with being weak or overly emotional.

Mental Self-Care

Physical Self-Care

Finally, any type of gentle movement — yoga, long walks in nature, bike rides — can provide HSPs a chance to physically dispel anxious energy without causing overstimulation.

If someone you care about is highly sensitive: Managers, parents, and others in supervisory positions can benefit from knowing that sensitive types function best when offered some quiet downtime. Sleep is crucial for HSPs — it allows them to recover from all that stimulation — and because many are prone to insomnia or interrupted sleep, naps are especially beneficial.

Emotional Self-Care

HSPs have intense feelings — a lot of them.

This means that developing strong boundaries is especially key to their emotional health.

“You don’t have to make it into a big, long explanation when you set a boundary,” she adds. “‘No’ is a complete sentence.”

If someone you care about is highly sensitive: When you interact with sensitive people, try not to take it personally when they say no or set boundaries in other ways. Remember that it’s difficult for them to set limits, so rather than being disappointed or annoyed by their awkwardness, you might consider celebrating their courage instead.

Social Self-Care

Take the Quiz: Find a variety of quizzes and informative articles, as well as a test to determine if you’re an HSP, at hsperson.com/test

This originally appeared as “The World According to Highly Sensitive People” in the January-February 2019 print issue of Experience Life.

Get the full story at https://experiencelife.com/article/survival-skills-for-highly-sensitive-people/

#brain

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relocatingyourdoctorsoffice-blog · 7 years ago

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Doctors' Offices

Probably the most uninviting areas to check out has to be a Doctor's workplace. Initially, we normally go there simply because we've got a pain or endure from some ailment which doesn't put us inside the very best of moods to begin with, but to add insult to injury, you will need to contend using the peculiarities in the doctor's office staff, a really cold group of workers who are a lot more concerned with processing you like an order as opposed to treating you like a human-being. On your 1st check out to a doctor's workplace, you will be bombarded with a substantial level of paperwork in triplicate, which I guess we've to thank our lawyer close friends for.

I visited a brand new medical professional not too long ago and was overwhelmed by the paperwork. There were much more waivers of rights than there was something pertaining to my medical history. I felt like I was far more in an attorney's office than a doctor's. The decor of doctors' offices are essentially the same that is pretty plain, with outdated or irrelevant magazines to read, along with a whiff of isopropyl alcohol within the air. I find individuals inside the waiting room tend to keep to themselves and usually do not like to engage in conversation, possibly mainly because they're embarrassed by their ailment or perhaps since they only speak a foreign language. If you try and strike up a conversation with somebody, they appear at you like they are getting interrogated by the FBI or border patrol. On the walls from the workplace are the doctor's degrees and certificates that are intended to impress you. Some medical doctors tend to overdue it though as they frame almost everything from their college degree to their safety patrol or bar mitzvah certificates. I guess what irritates me by far the most although is creating an appointment having a physician which he or she rarely keeps. If I've got an appointment, healthcare or otherwise, I have a tendency to arrive a few minutes early as I usually do not like to be late. But doctors' seriously don't care about your time, even once you take time off from function to stop by them.

I've got a true challenge with this as I would not treat my customers this way. If the doctor is late, my impatience gradually brews until I cannot take it anymore and storm out in the office (I've performed this on more than one occasion), and frankly, I want extra folks would do that. The office staff then tries to threaten you that they are going to nevertheless bill you for the appointment, which can be actually a veiled threat. I just point out the time for you to them, and threaten to bill them for my lost time. I just can't figure out why right after practicing medicine for so long, they can not make a simple schedule and retain it. Everybody else does. To me, its a sign of disrespect.

Find out extra information moving your practice without patients

#moving your medical practicerelocating your Doctors officephysicians on the move

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techbrossgq-blog · 8 years ago

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From Altair to iPad: 35 years of PC piece of the pie Information demonstrates that cell phones and tablets have been received far quicker than PCs.

Back in 2005, we diagrammed 30 years of PC piece of the overall industry to indicate graphically how the business had created, who succeeded and when, and how some notable names inevitably blurred away totally. With the ascent of entire new classes of "PCs"— tablets and cell phones—it merits refreshing every one of the numbers afresh. What's more, when we do as such, we see something astounding: the reception rates for our dearest cell phones completely overwhelm the most recent couple of many years of desktop PC development. Individuals are embracing new innovation speedier than any time in recent memory.

People are actually focused animals. Not exclusively do we contend with each other for cash and power, yet we shape solid fidelities to different tribes. Regardless of whether it's a most loved games group or a picked processing stage, we energetically cheer when they win and feel a punch in our guts when they lose. Organizations know this, and they will trumpet their victories and unobtrusively conceal their disappointments. However, is it any more imperative to need one multi-billion dollar organization to disarm another than it is to pull for one discretionary multi-million dollar competitor? Is it much else besides cheerleading?

Well—there's unquestionably a lot of cheerleading, yet following the ascent of fall of piece of the pie after some time has more genuine uses, as well. Programming engineers need to monitor piece of the overall industry so they can choose where to contribute their assets. Customers may then pick stages in light of programming accessibility. Stages can live—and in some beyond words—piece of the pie. The victories and disappointments of one era of stages influence the following, and at last this affects everybody's computerized lives.

Certain lessons from the past can likewise be connected today, and may even anticipate what's in store.

So what is piece of the pie?

Piece of the pie is commonly characterized as the rate of an organization's item contrasted with the aggregate of all items sold in that classification over a given timeframe. For instance, if Pepsi sold 25 percent of all dark colored carbonated soda pops in the second from last quarter of 2010, it would be said to have a 25 percent piece of the overall industry for that quarter.

This kind of estimation functions admirably in the refreshment business. The item is intrinsically dispensable and moves in piece of the overall industry are little. When you move from carbonated sugar water to the PC business, as previous Apple CEO John Sculley did in 1985, things get significantly more entangled.

Notwithstanding piece of the overall industry, there's the idea of introduced base. For PCs, this would be the proportion of one brand or stage that is as of now being used contrasted with the aggregate number of PCs in presence. This gets a great deal trickier to figure, since PCs are being resigned all the time at uneven interims, and the time they spend being utilized is additionally profoundly factor. Still, it's something critical to consider for PC organizations, particularly on the off chance that they are attempting to break into an officially settled market. It's awesome in the event that you have a 10% piece of the pie in the principal quarter that you offer your new item, yet imagine a scenario where the business has been around for a considerable length of time and incalculable a huge number of a contender's gadgets as of now overwhelm the scene.

Many articles on piece of the overall industry befuddle the two terms. Some write about introduced base utilizing studies of little gatherings of clients, or take a gander at the server logs of a couple of sites, and afterward report this as piece of the overall industry. Neither of these two techniques is particularly exact, and can now and then deliver faulty conclusions. The main dependable approach to quantify piece of the pie is to carefully check up every one of the offers of each item in a solitary quarter (this article will essentially utilize this technique).

The other place where perplexity can reign is in filtering out the locales used to give the information. Organizations with diminishing worldwide offer will frequently indicate nations where their deals are as yet solid, or report just retail deals if their immediate channel isn't working out quite as well. To be reasonable for everybody, the numbers I am utilizing are for overall deals through all channels. All things considered, we should start by coming back to the beginning of the "PC" insurgency.

The PC (Triassic Period)

We have a tendency to overlook that the individualized computing industry, a foundation of the cutting edge world that offers a huge number of units consistently, was to a great extent made by a couple offended geeks in their carports. Built up centralized computer and minicomputer organizations took years even to see the PC. When they at long last entered the market, they had distinctly blended results.The first genuine "PC" was the Altair, designed in 1975 by Ed Roberts. It set up the majority of what came to characterize the business: the desktop frame figure with appended peripherals, an inward extension transport for extra cards, an outsider programming biological community with Microsoft giving the essential UI (which in those days was a BASIC translator), and different traditions and PC fairs where clients and merchants could meet.

Since anybody could enter the market with next to no startup cost, the early years of the PC included a confounding cluster of models. I once took a duplicate of a 1980 issue of Computers and Electronics and tallied over a hundred distinctive incongruent machines promoted inside. This Wild West scene couldn't keep going for long. Most early organizations neglected to make the move from carport to worldwide business.Four champs risen up out of this early time: the Atari 400/800, the Radio Shack TRS-80, the Commodore PET, and the Apple ][. The last was in last place for the initial couple of years, until a cheerful mischance gave it the business' first executioner application: the spreadsheet VisiCalc. The PET soon offered path to the VIC-20 and the immensely mainstream Commodore 64, the principal PC to truly have an effect on the mass market. It would go ahead to offer 22 million units, which would in any case be a respectable number for a solitary new PC display today.

The early market was likewise a great deal more local than it is presently. The Sinclair ZX-80, ZX-81, and later the Spectrum sold well in their local United Kingdom, yet made a littler gouge in the US. So also, the Apple ][ sold in considerably littler numbers in Europe. The UK had its own particular special biological system of PCs, including the well known BBC Micro, marked after the national broadcaster.The youthful industry was shaken to the center when IBM presented its very own Computer in 1981. The IBM PC, Model 5150, wasn't especially amazing at dispatch. It was costly, and keeping in mind that it sported a 16-bit CPU fit for tending to up to 1MB of memory, it was underpowered, had no design abilities out of the case, and had no solid chip. Contrasted with a considerably less expensive and more vivid Commodore 64, it barely appeared like a contender.

Two things changed the destiny of the IBM PC: the IBM mark name and the clones. Incidentally, the PC was anything but difficult to clone for the most part since it was so uncomplicated, and it was uncomplicated on the grounds that it had been hurriedly composed from off-the-rack parts to get the chance to showcase before some other PC producer removed the market from IBM until the end of time. It had no custom chips, only a CPU snared to some RAM and an extension transport that was completely archived so outsiders could make add-on cards. The main exclusive piece was a straightforward chip containing the BIOS (Basic Input/Output System) code that began the machine up and advised every one of the parts how to speak with each other. Indeed, even the working framework was off-the-rack, a rushed CP/M clone bought by Microsoft.

Rivalry between the clones brought the cost of the PC down, and add-on cards filled the crevices in usefulness from the first model. The market story from 1981 to 1985 is to a great extent about the PC—and we could call it a solitary market on the grounds that the clones were completely, 100 percent good—gradually taking increasingly piece of the overall industry. Different stages, including the admired Commodore 64, fell off.Apple, Commodore, and Atari responded to this Big Brother foe of IBM and its armed force of clones with another era of 16-bit machines that endlessly exceeded the PC in components. The Macintosh in 1984 brought a mouse and graphical UI to the mass market (albeit introductory deals were moderate). The Atari ST added shading and MIDI sound to the arrangement, and the Amiga in 1985 included 4,096 hues, four-channel stereo tested sound, and pre-emptive multitasking. These components were truly ten years in front of their time.Sadly, for different reasons, these three stages neglected to make a big deal about a gouge in the proceeding with PC surge. Commodore went bankrupt in 1994; Atari was sold to JTS in 1996. While Apple did well in the desktop distributing market, their deals did not stay aware of whatever is left of the business, and the organization was losing billions of dollars by 1997."The PC wars are over. Microsoft won," Steve Jobs said intensely from outcast at NeXT, his new organization a demonstration of that it was so difficult to set up another processing stage. See that he didn't state IBM won, something that everybody was agonizing over in 1984. At this point IBM had officially attempted and neglected to recover the market with its line of marginally more exclusive and harder-to-clone line of PCs (called Personal Systems/2, or PS/2 for short). The main inheritances of those machines that survive today are the little, round PS/2 connectors for consoles and mice that stay on some motherboards.The story from 1997 to 2003 incorporates the wonderful return of Steve Jobs to Apple, the presentation of the iMac and the arrival of OS X, and the NeXT working framework reawakened in new, affable hues. What it does exclude is an expansion in the Macintosh's piece of the overall industry. The diagrams for this period are exhausting: 97 percent PCs, 3 percent Macintoshes.

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