#he has TG which isn't even out yet | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lu-is-not-ok · 1 month ago

Note

Sorry I'm actually obsessed with the Daiyu-Baoyu theory and I'm rotating it in my head forever. I'm not sure if I'm actually onto anything here but when thinking about it I recalled this CG from the TGS trailer

and I remember thinking about how odd this picture seems because it's so Un-Hong Lu-like. Because from what we've seen, Hong Lu has never even gotten close to being this angry. And yet, they showed us this picture in a trailer before the game even released. It's obviously something they wanted us to see and keep in mind. But so far, there doesn't seem to be anything we can think of that can draw this kind of reaction out of Hong Lu, who seems to just redirect or avoid upsetting topics altogether.

When reading your theory, I remembered this CG and noticed that he's facing the right, meaning we can't see his jade eye. This isn't the first time they've obscured something important from us in the trailer (e.g., Don Quixote's eyes), so it's not a stretch to say they're intentionally hiding his eye. This suggests that something might be up with it in this scene that we aren't supposed to know yet, like, for example, being removed.

If we assume that Baoyu's memories are in his eye, which has been put in Daiyu's body, as well as Kurokumo Hong Lu's attitude being the most Daiyu-like, then it would explain this CG a lot better, because it's not really Hong Lu or Baoyu. It's Daiyu.

Sorry for the very long ask, I got excited. Again, I'm really just rambling and speculating. What I do know is that I'm really enjoying this theory, and thinking about writing a fanfic with the premise because it is so fascinating to me!

Funny you bring up that CG in particular, since the subject of it has come up on this blog before! That being said, I unfortunately can't find the exact post where I talked about it, so I might as well do so again - especially since we now also have more insight on Hong Lu as a characer.

The full CG that cut-in comes from can be seen in the Story Demo video for the Alpha Version of Limbus, as a preview CG for the 1-5 node on the very early version of Canto 1's Story Node map.

Notably, this CG does not appear in any Cutscene/Story Demo videos post the TGS Teaser, meaning the CG must have been scrapped at some point between that Alpha Version demo and the post TGS Teaser demo. Whether it was scrapped after it was used for the Teaser, meaning it was still part of the story at the time, or whether it was scrapped before but PJM decided something about that particular image of Hong Lu was important enough to the Teaser to include it anyway, is something I don't think we'll ever know.

Unfortunately, with how early the CG seems to have originally been placed in the story, I doubt it has anything to do with Daiyu specifically. However, I do now have my own theory of what that cutscene might have entailed, as well as why that would contribute to it being scrapped.

Judging by the leftmost panel, it's easy to deduce this was where Yuri's backstory was originally meant to be explained, as in the whole site burial and survivor's guilt thing would be brought up. The fact that the explanation would later be moved to be inside the Dungeon rather outside would on its own be a good reason to scrap the CG, but there's something else about it that I realized only recently.

In the game proper, Yuri reveals her trauma almost exclusively to Gregor (and initially Ishmael), as all the other Sinners have already passed out due to the gas grenade. However, in the hypothetical scrapped scenario where the reveal came outside the Dungeon, every Sinner would have a chance to hear it and react to it.

So, what kind of reaction would fit the other two panels on the CG? The middle panel of Rodya comforting an uncomfortable looking Yuri while Hong Lu looks innocently confused, followed by a panel with the angriest looking Gregor we've ever seen clashing with the angriest looking Hong Lu we've ever seen?

Here's what I think could have originally happened in that scene (and this is Entirely Speculation, we have no proof of this actually being the case):

I believe, after sharing her story, especially the point about trying to escape the site burial, Mr. Hong 'I am always ready to accept my own death' Lu would act confused and ask something along the lines of "Why didn't you just stay?" or a variant of such. Why didn't you just accept it, why didn't you just let it happen, why did you try to fight it, etc. Essentially asking why, if Yuri was going to feel such guilt for surviving the ordeal, would she ever bother trying to survive in the first place.

This would, understandably, piss Gregor the fuck off, as he himself holds a good deal of guilt for the fact he participated in the War and survived through it. There's a high chance of him trying to verbally rip into Hong Lu, to tell him that he has No Idea what it's like to have to live day by day trying to survive just long enough to see tomorrow, what it's like to have one's life turned into hell without them having any choice on the matter, what it's like to feel the need to run away despite knowing that it will leave them with the guilt of not being able to save anyone else. He's some sheltered rich kid after all, how could he know what it's like to actually suffer?

And I think something like that would be enough for Hong Lu's facade to crack. Because no, Gregor is wrong. Hong Lu knows exactly what it's like, more than anyone should know he does. He might not even be responding with much in this cutscene, even just a hostile "You know nothing about me and my life." would be enough to set the tone. That whatever is going on behind that smile of his is so much worse than what it seems.

...And that's why I think it was scrapped. Because a peek behind Hong Lu's mask in Canto 1 would be too early.

Hong Lu's slow unraveling of his lies is just that - slow. It took us until Just This Recent Canto to get a somewhat clear confirmation that no, the info he gives about his Family is not to be trusted. It took until Canto 3 to see him be the only Sinner actively willing to lie and until Canto 4 to show us he's a good actor. Revealing that Hong Lu has a very different side to him underneath the curious cheerful persona as early as Canto 1 would completely alter the pacing and trajectory of his arc. You'd have a reason to suspect him from the beginning, rather than have a chance to be just as fooled by him as Dante and the other Sinners are.

So no, I don't think that CG is meant to show Daiyu. But I do think that CG was meant to be our first hint to the fact that Hong Lu isn't being honest with the others, at least until it was decided it was too soon for such a reveal.

#ask #caramelchaitea #lu speaketh #limbus company #hong lu #hong lu lcb #i'm glad other people are becoming insane over this theory too #it genuinely is something else #me and mulberry have been trying to find contradictions to it #and everytime we instead find More evidence instead

78 notes · View notes

forsakenwitchery · 5 months ago

Text

It's been a long time since I've really ranted about something on here but like.

HOTD is just… On another level of bad? At some point this season, I got so tired of getting angry with the writing I just straight up started laughing at almost every single scene. I managed to find a sliver of enjoyment in the shitshow what S2 turned out to be. Not anymore.

Small costest backstage at the end because I felt like looking at myself smiling after writing all this down lol

Having seen some and read about some E8 leaks I'm just… I guess I'm checking out. What they've done to the Greens and specifically Aemond this season is Merlin's 'Morgana suddenly full evil' level of shit writing. And I can't handle yet another favorite nuanced character of mine being stripped of any nuance by the shit writers. But at least with Morgana there was a lot of her, and with Aemond it's 2 minutes of peak character assassination per episode and it isn't cutting it.

I feel so bad for Ewan and the rest of the Green actors who gave it their all - and in some scenes you can clearly see Ewan giving his all trying to fight the shitty writing, but there's only so much an actor can do with a script so bad.

Like when in ep. 5 everyone kept referring to Aemond as if he's suddenly Satan incarnate (Alicent, Daemon ahhh pretty sure there was someone else this episode ‘cause I remember three characters) I knew they decided to flip the switch with Aemond suddenly going full caricature villain (and yeah he was no saint BUT LIKE BBQ-ING HIS BRO?) with no proper buildup for it but HOLY SHIT I didn’t think it would be ‘blink and he’s full on sociopathic villain’. And the way they really did try and hammer that point home with him yanking Helaena now is just… Fucking wild. But like, he wasn’t wrong with dismissing Alicent who turned out to be the biggest traitor on TG this season (RIP S1 Alicent). He’s not wrong in saying they need Dreamfyre. But the show sure did go about him technically not being wrong yet showing it in the worst way possible very... head-on and with lacking any nuance. It truly feels like Condal & Co just couldn’t handle how popular Aemond became in S1 and gave him as little screen time as possible while simultaneously trying to make him as unsympathetic and suddenly 180 as possible. Which just doesn’t work without the proper buildup if you stop to think for even one second.

Then we’ve got Alicent who drilled it into her sons’ heads they’ll be dead unless they fight Rhae and now she’s also 180 and doesn’t understand why they want to fight and turns out to be the biggest traitor basically surrendering her children, the city and her brother to the woman whose husband killed her grandchild. The fuck did S1 Alicent go? Can we see her? Is she in the room with us? You know, the one jumping Rhae with the knife for Aemond? By all means, she and Aemond should have had a dynamic akin to Cersei and Joffrey’s if they were dead-set on making Aemond pretty much THE (only) villain in the show (which should have been about everyone being a criminal lmao). But like… We came to THIS? THE FUCK. THE FUUUUCK. Like imagine for one second Cersei pretty much throwing her kids to their enemies. This is. I don’t know which level of bad writing is this. We’re so far past the rock bottom at this point, the bottom doesn’t exist, the depths this season has reached don’t even have a proper name.

Then we’ve got Helaena. All season I’ve been waiting to see more of her. All season. And I waited. And waited. Her being the Dreamer sounded cool on paper. And they just ended up using her as a device to show ‘Aemond bad’ again? And HELP DAEMON? And like... to spoil the end of the story for those unfamiliar? THE FUUUUUUUUUUUCK. THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

Like damn, I knew they were baiting us with the promo and I knew it would be OOC for her to want to fight but at the same time I was kinda hoping at least she’d want to? Like she’s sane in the show. Her son was beheaded in front of her eyes. I kept hoping this show would have at least ONE female character actually willing to fight, but no. The balcony scene was good. But in spite, not thanks to what the writers clearly meant for this scene to be. Phia and Ewan really did give this scene their all and try to add nuance where they just once again tried to write Aemond off as a dick.

I haven’t seen the Aegon scene but apparently, they tried to make him look dumb again? And since there’s no rush to vacate KL in the show, why the hell didn’t he try to at least take his daughter with him? Like we get it, show, you hate the Greens and therefore all the Greens hate each other apparently (not buying it no matter how much you’re selling it tho), so him not bothering with Helaena is like okaaaay suuuure (not), but HIS KID? He was the hightlight of the first part of this season, and now we're... back at it again. Yay.

Also tbh I hated Daemyra as a concept in S1 as a ship but I LOVED their dynamic if it makes sense. It was truly interesting and both characters really shone in their shared scenes, so when Rhae’s arc this season started to feel like Groundhog Day I really missed Daemyra since at least their push and pull with Daemon made her feel more alive and interesting idk. But like. Their reunion scene looks like a grand meh? Daemon looks like he cares. Rhae came off to me like she doesn’t give a single fuck about him. Rhae in general was one of my fave characters in S1 and now it’s just. Huh? Them trying to saintify her absolutely ruined the character for me, she’s just so bland now which with her amount of screen time just… Doesn’t make for a very compelling show.

So. Yep. Those are my thoughts and feelings. tbh I don’t even know when I became so attached to the Greens. Like maybe it was in spite of the show trying to ruin and ignore them. Sort of like when you start rooting for the underdogs. But now I just feel really hollow and drained and sad for the actors. On both teams tbh, ‘cause like… What even is the point of this show anymore? There’s no war. Aemond is the only one who’s willing to wage it and the show villainizes him for it. Even in ep. 8 Rhae still says she doesn’t wanna fight the war. What did we spend 8 episodes, then, on aside from some character assassinations?

What’s the point if you don’t really feel anything towards most of the characters? Not even anger or apathy? ‘Cause like, I couldn’t care less when Rhaenys died. I’m sure when Jace kicks the bucket it would be the same. If the characters themselves can’t be bothered (where’s the aftermath for Blood and Cheese ffs?), why and HOW the hell should the viewers care? I’m sure they’ll find a way to make even Helaena’s death as meaningless as possible with giving her zero agenda in the matter.

I truly don’t think I’ll be watching S3. I don’t think I have it in me to witness how they screw up the Greens even more than they already did. It’s not even fun anymore how dumb the show is, it’s just draining. Motivations and relationships changing 180 between episodes or even during them (sometimes even during scenes), major events not phasing anyone and having no consequences. Characters the show chose as THE main characters living in Groundhog Day with nothing to do. We’re supposed to just believe the characters are suddenly completely different than they were weeks/months ago in show’s time just because the show says so. HOW ABOUT NO?

I’m only holding out hope for Daeron but at this point? I’m sure he’ll have a total o 1-2 minutes of screen time each episode as well and they’ll ruin him somehow, too. Still funny though how him and Aemond are both 16 which I’m sure is just another writing plot hole but on the off chance it isn’t… The only cool and redeemable thing the show can do at this point in my eyes is make Daeron and Aemond twins. You know, at the very least to give Ewan the screen time he deserves AND give him some better material to work with. But ah well.

At this point I’m choosing to more or less ignore everything that’s happened in S2, ‘cause the sure itself sure as hell ignored 2/3 of it, so why can’t I. Honestly, I want to do a full Helaena and Aemond cosplay, not a costest, if not for any other reason than to freaking forget S2 ever happend and maybe do some scenes which should have been in it, shippery or not. tbh I wasn't even shipping Helaemond until I saw Ewan and Phia's interviews about them and I was SO HYPED. And Tom's interviews. I was so hyped for siblings interecting in general and I feel like both the actors and the audience were done dirty in the worst way possible.

Also also the last thing I want to say is that it's super sad to see viewers turning on Aemond because it's so clear that's what the show wants everyone to do and neither Aemond nor Ewan deserve it. That's very telling of how badly he's written this season, he's not a villain you love to hate, he's just there for people to hate him. I hope at least Ewan doesn't get hate for his character, but we all know some people are braindead enough to project characters onto actors, so... :(

ALSO ALSO ALSO I don't really feel like fighting over this show because I don't think it deserves any more of my nerve cells, so should anyone decide to come at me for this post don't bother, I'll just reply with print screening this part. But it's kinda funny how tumblr seemed to have an actual war over this show when the show straight up refused to commit to anything.

To everyone who has read thus far – here, have some cute backstages from our costest. I’m sure we could all use a hug and a laugh. I know I could.

#anti hotd #hotd critical #hotd leaks #hotd spoilers #anti ryan condal #anti sara hess #pro aemond targaryen #aemond targaryen #team green #pro team green #helaena targaryen #personal #personal posts #helaemond

77 notes · View notes

nrilliree · 7 months ago

Note

https://www.tumblr.com/hargitays/733665404249112576?source=share

This kind of opinion makes me sick. Alicent literally asked for a baby just out of his mother's womb to be brought to him immediately ! And Rhaenyra should have just been okay with that ? What kind of mother would leave her child so easily after having barely given birth ?! Especially to a woman who has made him miserable for 10 years ?! What a fucking political maneuver on Rhaenyra's part ?! There is never any mention or insinuation about this on his part or even in the narration of the show. She just wants to stay close to her child. We can see that she doesn't have confidence when Alicent holds her baby in her arms. And then, it makes me laugh, because usually Rhaenyra is very bad at politics according to TG and Alicent Stans (which is false by the way, Rhaenyra is very good at it, especially against Alicent), but strangely, right in a scene where she is treated horribly by their favorite, there Rhaenyra suddenly becomes a great political player and therefore obviously Alicent has done nothing wrong ! How in denial do you have to be to spout bullshit like that ?! Yes, Alicent asking for the baby barely out of his mother's womb is horrible ! Quite simply ! And Rhaenyra simply reacted as most mothers would have done in her place. Very clearly, I think that it is only individuals who have not had children themselves who can give this kind of speech. Because every mother I saw saw this scene, I can certify that none dared to say that the situation was nuanced in the two parties politically speaking. Rhaenyra, in this scene, was above all a mother who acted like one.

"What kind of mother would leave her child so easily after having barely given birth?!" Well, let me assume that it's probably a mother like Alicent…? Since she decided (for the third time) that the baby would be brought to her and Rhaenyra would not show up, it means that for her, giving the newborn child into the hands of the enemy is something she would do. Of course, that's assuming it wasn't a pathetic way to humiliate and hurt Rhaenyra.

Let's make a list.

Alicent ordered the baby to be delivered immediately after birth. Rhaenyra hadn't even had time to deliver the placenta yet.

This is Rhaenyra's third child, and from Laenor's words we can easily conclude that this is not the first time.

If the baby was to be brought, Alicent wanted to make a "ha, ha, look, he has brown hair and Laenor isn't here" show in front of the entire court (even though he was directly outside the door waiting, because he quickly joined Rhaenyra) . If it was to be brought by Rhaenyra, Alicent wanted to make a show of humiliation in front of the entire court, using Rhaenyra's own femininity on Rhaenyra. As a "look, she's a weak woman who can barely walk and bleeds, this is supposed to be your queen" show.

Alicent, who considers herself THE victim of arranged marriages, a victim of the Targarens and court life, has no problem making malicious and humiliating comments towards Laenor all the time. Because only she can be a victim of an arranged marriage, he (and Rhaenyra in general) has no right to it, so she can trash him, right?

Alicent didn't hesitate for a moment before forcing a woman who had barely had time to deliver her placenta to walk through long corridors and dozens of stairs, not even for a moment did she consider that Rhaenyra might die as a result.

And she might die because of it, because: both of Rhaenyra's grandmothers and her mother died from complications related to childbirth. (In the book, Aemma died directly from this; in the show, she would have died anyway even if she hadn't been killed.) Rhaenyra's five siblings, Rhaenyra's uncle (Aegon, brother of Viserys and Daemon), her grandparents' siblings all died due to pregnancy problems: miscarriages, deaths in the cradle or after a few days of life. Rhaenyra had two healthy sons, but that didn't mean there wouldn't be problems with her third pregnancy. She was not sure that Joffrey would survive and in her case the first days of the child's life were the most important.

And Alicent knew it well. Because she could only terrorize Rhaenyra because she took Aemma's place. And she knew well how Aemma died. How her children died. Because all this happened when she was supposedly such a close friend to Rhaenyra. And Alicent didn't care. That's why nothing, absolutely nothing will ever make me show even an ounce of sympathy for a disgusting and pathetic person like Alicent.

#house of the dragon #team black #anti team green #pro team black #rhaenyra targaryen #anti team green stans #anti alicent hightower

44 notes · View notes

tgmsunmontue · 9 months ago

Text

SunMonTue's TG and TG:M MASTER LIST

This post is linked from the pinned post of WIPS, and kept up to date. Fic title links to AO3, hashtag links to the first tumblr post/chapter for the fic (which also have the photos etc which I often leave off AO3 unless critical).

If there is no AO3 link, that's because it isn't on AO3 yet. (I usually posted fics on AO3 when they're finished, or within a few chapters of being finished. There are exceptions.)

HANGSTER

Another Time Mature ~17k Hangster

Jake wakes up in Rooster's body about ~30 or so hours post-Mission and they have to deal with it. They're adults. Apparently. #Another Time

Bird on a Wire Explicit ~8k Hangster

Hangster AU Meetcute. Jake tries to make a good impression on one of the servers at a restaurant. Except he turns out to be the head chef. Who in turn tries make a good impression. Their families try and help. #Bird on a Wire

Caring, Keeping and Collecting Transformers - A Guide TBC? WIP Hangster

Maverick is unknowingly surrounded by Transformers. He knows something is up though. Just not quite what it is exactly. Bradley and Jake, having never met, are embarking on their own journeys and will have to learn to deal with the fact that they've both been adopted by Transformers. Despite having years more experience, Maverick is no help at all. #Caring Keeping and Collecting Transformers - A Guide

Can't buy me love Explicit ~16k Hangster

Jake doesn't need help around the ranch, but he's not going to turn down cheap able-bodied labor either. He's not stupid. The fact that Bradley knows nothing about ranching doesn't exactly help his case, but he's a fast learner. #can't buy me love

Come on baby light my fire… Explicit ~5k Hangster

An apartment fire alarm at 1am featuring Jake in his underwear and Bradley with kittens. (And a writer that cannot decide on an ending...) #Come on baby light my fire...

Get your motor runnin' Explicit ~8.5k Hangster

Bradshaw is apparently the best mechanic Maverick knows. Which Jake considers high praise from Maverick. If Bradshaw can fix his car then maybe he is. Jake is expecting an old-timer with lots of experience. What he gets, is surprised. And it doesn't stop there. He's a bit of an idiot about it all. #Get your motor runnin'

Guilt doesn't help. Try Remorse. Teen+ <1k Pre-Hangster

Set on the carrier in the evening directly post-mission, Hangman and Rooster have a conversation. Sort of. #Guilt doesn't help. Try Remorse.

I'd know you anywhere Explicit ~9k Hangster

Set when Hangman first meets Rooster. Bradley and Bradford Bradshaw are twins. Most people know this. Some people need to be brought up to speed. Quickly. #I'd know you anywhere

It's all academic darlin' Explicit ~38k Hangster

Bradley is a professor but living his best life with IceMav parents. Jake is a pilot. Maverick sort-of tries (and fails) to play matchmaker, so he tries again. Touch of epistolary and sprinkling of one-sided unknown/mistaken-identity. #It's all academic darlin'

It's not who you know Mature ~13k Hangster

Low-angst Nepo!Baby Bradley and his four years at the USNA and his head-in-the-sand approach to the nepotism and the fact that he ends up being known as the guy with the two hot dads instead... #It's not who you know

Jake's Cakes Teen+ ~2k Hangster

MeetCute. Iceman has tasked Bradley with organising Maverick's 60th birthday cake. This goes as planned until Mav decides to be a gremlin. #Jake's Cakes

Life is too short to waste time matching socks Explicit 5k Hangster (side Bob/Nat/Javy)

Also features Bob/Javy/Nat - set post mission with the Dagger Squad having been made a permanent squad. #Life is too short to waste time matching socks

Lonely Nights Explicit ~11k Hangster

Set in 2009, Bradley is ~27 and Jake is ~23. They're both on leave, out in a gay club and looking to hook up. This is a PWP and sits in the longer Sagas of Solitude Series. (A Nepo!Baby-Bradley AU where Bradley went to the USNA and has a better relationship with Maverick, however DADT has not yet been repealed.) #Lonely Nights

Mercury & Manganese Teen+ ~2k Hangster

An AU MeetUgly (where I failed to meet the assignment as it feels too soft, nice and gentle to really be a MeetUgly? Maybe?). No one is in the Navy. This centres around chefs and restaurants and drinks, but it's all very background. Background established IceMav. #Mercury and Manganese

More than movie magic... Explicit ~25k Hangster

Jake is a Hollywood actor and Bradley is a stunt coordinator. Jake's about to make a few self-discoveries. So is Bradley. #More than movie magic...

Never knew I was missing you Explicit WIP Hangster

Jake is just trying to find a connection. Shame the guy he connects with the most is lying about his identity online; because he sure as hell isn't A-list Hollywood star Bradley Bradshaw. #Never knew I was missing you

Online and Anonymous Explicit ~60k Hangster

Years before they meet in person Bradley and Jake strike up a friends-with-benefits relationship online. And then something more like an actual relationship. Epistolary fic set in a world where papers were pulled and events of TGM will take place and DADT exists until it is repealed at the end of 2011. #Online and Anonymous

Peer Reviewed Mature ~3k Hangster

Secretly married Hangster in an academic environment. Outsider POV then Hangster back and forth with a 5+1 feel (“feel” because it’s a 9+1). #Peer Reviewed

Saga of Solitude Explicit WIP Hangster and IceMav

Nepo!Baby Bradley and his life at USNA. DADT fully in force. Hangster AU. #Saga of Solitude

Season to taste Explicit WIP Hangster

Through a series of sheer dumb luck and pure stubborn pig-headedness Bradley runs as far away from Maverick as he can. He ends up in Italy, under the tutelage of Leandro Gallo, a retired but very accomplished chef. He takes Bradley under his wing. #Season to taste

Second Time Lucky... Teen ~3K Hangster

College AU featuring Bradshaw!Twins Bradford and Bradley, a Jake Seresin with a crush, and a long-suffering Javy Machado. #SecondTimeLucky...

Take more chances, dance more dances Explicit ~13k Hangster

Meet!Cute with Jake as the best man at Natasha and Javy's wedding and Bradley is the instructor teaching them how to dance... Very slight whiffs of Cyclone/Mav and Javy/Nat/Bob if you're looking. #Take more chances, dance more dances

Team Player Explicit ~7k Hangster

Jake's cousin plays for the Sydney Roosters and gifts him with merchandise. Regularly. Bradley has an unexpected realization. #Team Player

The Roost Teen+ ~2k Hangster

Hangster AU MeetCute. The Dagger Squadron have put Jake in charge of organizing a cake for Mav's 60th birthday and retirement celebration. Little does he know he's about to ask Mav's son to make it. #The Roost

To wake, perchance to dream Explicit WIP Hangster

Jake wakes up 10 years in the future and thinks he has amnesia. Instead it's a glimpse of what his life could be. When he wakes up right before being called back to Top Gun for the special detachment he's going to try his damndest to make that future come true... #To wake perchance to dream

Upon which our Souls touch Teen+ WIP Hangster

Tradition and the stories have been the same for thousands of years. Until Bradley and Jake came along and broke all the rules without ever speaking a word to one another... #Upon which our souls touch

We walk our path together now... Mature 2k Hangster

Years after Javy and Natasha get together they think their best friends could maybe try dating each other. It'll either end in disaster. Or not. #together or not at all

Where do I know you from? Mature ~11k Hangster

Hangster crackfic-adjacent. There are too many Jakes and Bradleys for Jake and Bradley to be dealing with. Or the Universe is just as fed up with them being blind. #where do I know you from?

With our pets, a house becomes our home Explicit ~5k Hangster

Jake adopts a puppy and then proceeds to fly across the country to take up a flight instructor position at Corpus Christi where Bradley is the vet (DVM) that Jake takes Brisket to once he arrives. Bradley asks him out. MeetCute. #With our pets, a house becomes our home

You are all five senses to me and always will be Teen+ ~500 words Hangster

Jake is sent a tumblr post and his default object is apparently Rooster. He's okay with that. #You are all five senses to me and always will be

You found me Explicit ~13k Hangster

AU - Soulmates first words are on your skin. Started for the Bingo. Jake is a singer and Bradley is the newly arrived member of his security detail. Tooth-rotting FLUFF and SMUT. #You found me

You need to learn how to fall Explicit ~17k Hangster

Bradley keeps growing past the 6'5" limit of being a naval aviator, Maverick lets out an internal sigh of relief. He's not going to be the one responsible for stopping Bradley from becoming a pilot. However, because karma is a cruel mistress, Bradley becomes a sky diver, specialising in spin recovery. Mav will never understand why his godson continually jumps out of perfectly good planes. Later Bradley's level of skill is such that he becomes a civilian contractor to the Airforce and Navy to teach pilots how to survive parachute spins from ejections. The Airforce contact Bradley first, it annoys Ice to no end. #You need to learn how to fall

OTHER

From the Top - Explicit WIP IceMav (background Hangster)

Featuring not-mistaken identities (where they (Ice and Mav) pretend to be in the dark for REASONS), Ice is Jake's Uncle Tom, Mav is Bradley's Dad, everyone knows everyone, (un)requited love, coming out as an older person, and a little bit of a circus-vibe where Ice has a horrible realization that this is indeed his circus and these are also his monkeys. #From the Top

He remembers... Teen+ ~1k IceMav + Bradley slice-of-life

An AU set just before Bradley enters the USNA (so ~2001?). 18 year-old Bradley remembers key points and people in his life. Prologue of Saga of Solitude. #He Remembers

I want you so bad it hurts. But you heal me. Explicit 8k Macheresin (JavyxJake)

Jake wakes up to sixteen missed calls, three voice messages and over five-hundred and fifty messages via three different messaging apps. Javy is in Vegas for his brother's bachelor party and a hospital is trying to get a hold of Jake because he's listed as Javy's partner. When the hell did that happen? GIFT FIC for @cottagecori - this fic is not on Tumblr.

Life is too short to waste time matching socks Mature 5k Hangster + Bob/Javy/Nat

Also features Hangster - set post mission with the Dagger Squad having been made a permanent squad. #Life is too short to waste time matching socks

Once Upon a Time in 1996... Explicit ~25k IceMav

Maverick wakes up to a great day. Then it all turns to shit. Timeloop fic. #Once Upon a Time in 1996...

Saga of Solitude Explicit WIP IceMav and Hangster

Nepo!Baby Bradley and his life at USNA. DADT fully in force. IceMav established AU with them both married but widowed/divorced (just read the prologue). #Saga of Solitude

Together or not at all... General ~2k Javy/Nat

The evolution of Javy and Natasha's relationship as viewed from the outside. Mostly. #Together or not at all...

#MASTERLIST #Hangster #IceMav #writing and wrangling woes #last updated 23rd September 2024

50 notes · View notes

cyber-corp · 2 years ago

Text

A summary/review of parts 1-100 of Homestuck

~by a gecko who knows what a Megalovania is

Let's start things quick and simple. It is the distant year of 2009, where the date is the 13th of April. It is the protagonist John Egbert (aka Zoosmell Pooplord)'s birthday. How fun!

John's actions are very much based around RPG mechanics (the Sylladex, Captchaloging, etc.), which as indicated by the chatlogs seems to be the norm in this world.

Once he opens the magic chest in his room, he gets access to a variety of artifacts, some of which he'll use later. He only takes the smoke pellets at first because he's stupid.

We get some glimpses of the author Andrew Hussie's dated yet charming late-2000's humour through asking John to shit on his desk.

After nailing a Little Monsters poster to his wall (a gift from his Dad), he gets a message from one of his friends on Pesterchum, TG, who says that he got the beta for SBURB for John's birthday.

However, his dad has just come home and John doesn't want to go through the trouble of holding a conversation with him. In the meantime, he figures out how to use his Strife Specibus by allocating the Hammerkind Abstratus, and reads the GameBro magazine, which John seems to have a loathing for.

However, with the freed up room in his Sylladex, he creates a convincing disguise to fool his dad and grab the SBURB beta (it won't).

He goes downstairs into the living room, examines his father's shitty harlequins, knocks over and picks up his Nanna's ashes and opens a large gift for himself, which is also a large harlequin.

Before deciding to sticking fake arms on the harlequin, John gets a message from another Pesterchum mutual, TT.

TT oddly knows everything that John has done up to this point, including being in possession of the SBURB beta and wearing a funny disguise. They tell him to go get the game from his father from downstairs.

After snooping around his father's study and playing a little tune (which is a great way that Homestuck utilizes its medium), John heads outside to the mailbox, to find that dad has already scooped the mail.

But there's a sense that something isn't quite right. With "Windchime Foley" by Clark Powell playing over empty streets and a main title appearing, it implies this scene is the true beginning of the story. The text mentions a "Desolation" that's playing the tune diegetically throughout the streets/town. Maybe it will be a long day.

John heads back inside to finally confront his father and sneakily get the beta, but oops! The disguise didn't work (who would've thunk it?), and there's only to get pass him, which is with a Strife!

(This fight scene's really cool, I quite enjoy this)

After the Colonel's book activates the smoke pellets, John quickly snatches his father's PDA as a joke, and finally gets his hands on the SBURB beta, which is where I ended off.

So is it good? I mean, yeah.

Even if I only read what is a tiny, tiny fraction of Homestuck's story, I can still see how so many people became obsessed over it. The cutesy, almost surreal art style (complete with low quality JPEGS in the vein of Newgrounds), Hussie combining the mystical with the silly in his writing, and the brief bits of music in it illustrate a very "calm before the storm" feeling. I can definitely see how people like Toby Fox were inspired by it.

Despite what some think, the first little bits of Homestuck are an enjoyable experience which foreshadows something bigger yet to come. Solid 8.

#homestuck #andrew hussie #john egbert #review #summary #i probably won't do this again #i'll read some it later #PUT THE BUNNY BACK IN THE BOX #gecko

131 notes · View notes

homestuckreplay · 7 months ago

Text

"apply loking thign" [sic]

(page 242-245)

TT: I've found no evidence that anyone has successfully created the item.

WELL, THEY DID IT. THEY MADE A WHOLE APPLE. They are definitely not equipped to do this, it feels like they backdoored their way into succeeding through luck, risky storm behavior and narrative convenience, and it feels REALLY good. Obviously the threat isn't over yet, but I love to see John get a win, even when it's small.

When the alchemiter made blocks, they were just blocks. When it makes an apple, it shows us the full life cycle of the apple - sprouting the tree it grows from, then the fruit itself, then dropping the fruit and dying. This has fascinating implications for punch card alchemy. That pre-punched card didn't just store data about the apple at a given moment in time, it stores the apple's entire past leading up to the moment it takes this form. This could be connected to the elixir of life, which has historically been one of the things alchemists have tried to discover.

I really want to know if the items on the pre-punched card are random per game session, or if not, what determines them and what possibilities there are. We only know the apple and the eggy loking thign, both of which are living things, so could that be the link? Also, is this a real, actual apple that is/was alive and provides sustenance and nutrients (and was the egg a real egg that could hatch a bird/snake/dinosaur etc?) That's an insane amount of power for a video game to have, and it feels like every time we learn something else about what Sburb can do it only increases its world-altering potential, and its possibilities to go horrifically wrong.

Of course, the tree and the apple are also reminiscent of the tree of knowledge - the religious themes have been here throughout the comic, and I've made the Garden of Eden link with gardenGnostic as well. In Christianity, Eve giving into temptation and eating the fruit is the original sin and leads to exile, while in Gnosticism, eating the fruit is necessary and the only way to save humanity, seeing through the bullshit of people who tried to hold Eve back from achieving her potential.

Assuming that John will eat it - because what else is he gonna do, throw it at the meteor? - I don't know which of these outcomes will turn out to be true, or if they can coexist, or what kind of knowledge John will gain. The original sin, defying a god and seeking power theme fits really well with Rose's character as somebody seeking control and with Sburb as a game giving godlike powers to regular people. The Gnostic interpretation of saving humanity works with stopping a meteor strike, John having the ability to save himself, and possibly links to the conflict of TG being somewhat against Sburb. One big factor in which interpretation is more true is the ethics and intent behind Sburb itself - is the knowledge and power it can give somebody really something that a human should have?

Finally, an unrelated design note - I'm glad that on p.244-245, we see the sprite as a stamp in the corner of the page, not the obnoxious and jittery flashing. I like the idea of it flashing and it makes sense in-game (it wants something from the players and is trying to get their attention), but it's definitely bad to look at and becomes the main focus of any page. On p.245, it almost looks like a wax seal, which is so much better aesthetically.

#homestuck #reaction #no update today :(((( but i stay silly #chrono

13 notes · View notes

apocalypticavolition · 1 year ago

Text

Let's (re)Read The Eye of the World: Chapter 1: An Empty Road

Welcome back to my reread! As will always be the case but isn't usual yet because we're just getting started, this post has spoilers for everything ever and should not be looked at if you don't want to see those. In fact, just telling you that spoils this very post, so it's already too late!

The Wheel of Time turns, and Ages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Age that gave it birth comes again. In one Age, called the Third Age by some, an Age yet to come, an Age long past, a wind rose in the Mountains of Mist. The wind was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Wheel of Time. But it was a beginning.

A comfy paragraph that feels like home. Someone could literally plagiarize this and I wouldn't care because it's such a good way to start! More book series should try and have very consistent beginnings, it really adds a lot.

Oh, and I should probably mention chapter headers. This guy has the "Wheel and Snake" motif, which is a generic Plot kind of deal.

Note that I am skipping over a second prologue that was added to these books when they were (for some reason) trying to make a YA version of the series that cut each book in half. That prologue, "Ravens", is one I've never read (or maybe I have but only once) and features Egwene al'Vere a few years before the series begins. Maybe I'll circle around to it someday, but I'm very big on only accepting works as they initially were (barring fixing typos or outright plot holes) and not with a whole bunch of doodads attached.

...the wind blew east, out across the Sand Hills, once the shore of a great ocean, before the Breaking of the World...

Interestingly, the most likely body of water for this to be is actually the Mediterranean, not any of the oceans proper.

Gusts plastered Rand al’Thor’s cloak to his back, whipped the earth-colored wool around his legs, then streamed it out behind him.

Rand has a lot of associations with wind (Loial even notes it in-universe) and also the land, so it's appropriate that we get both here with the wind blowing through the earth-colored wool. Note as well that while the earth is protecting him (though not especially well), the wind has been turned by the Shadow into something hostile.

He felt a little foolish about wanting to reassure himself that Tam was still there, but it was that kind of day.

Considering his later thoughts about wolves and bears, it doesn't even seem that foolish. Take it from someone who just a few weeks ago was dealing with being separated from family on a Canadian highway that definitely had bears.

Without thinking he touched the nock of the arrow; it was ready to draw to his cheek in one smooth movement, the way Tam had taught him.

Tam's influence on Rand looms large over the series, which does set up the reversal in TGS and the breakdown it causes quite well.

Wolves raided the sheep pens and chewed their way into barns to get the cattle and horses. Bears had been after the sheep, too, where a bear had not been seen in years.

It's rather interesting to imagine what might have happened to Perrin if Moiraine hadn't taken him away. The wolves would likely worm their way into his head by about the time he met Elyas in canon anyway, only he'd be in such a different context it's not hard to imagine him going really off the rails. Someone who actually finishes what they started should write a fic!

With his thick chest and broad face, he was a pillar of reality in that morning, like a stone in the middle of a drifting dream.

And Tam's being a metaphorical pillar of reality is of course set up for the fact that by the end of the series Rand himself will be a literal one. It's really impressive how clearly Jordan saw the ending of the series; the Slog in my opinion is likely a product of his uncertainty in how to get there.

[Rand's mother] had been an outlander, and Rand remembered little of her aside from a smiling face, though he did put flowers on her grave every year, at Bel Tine, in the spring, and at Sunday, in the summer.

It's terrible being a mom for a protagonist, even an adoptive mother. Death is the best you can hope for.

But Tam had given his word about the brandy and cider, even if he had waited to make delivery until the day before Festival. Keeping his word was important to Tam.

"Belief and order give strength." If Tam had accompanied Rand on this journey, the whole thing would have been over in five days tops.

As Rand watched his side of the road, the feeling grew in him that he was being watched. For a while he tried to shrug it off. Nothing moved or made a sound among the trees, except the wind. But the feeling not only persisted, it grew stronger. The hairs on his arms stirred; his skin prickled as if it itched on the inside.

This is of course Rand's channeler sense for Shadowspawn. Does this mean he's already channeled at some point this winter, or do sparks like him get the various gifts before they start because it's inevitable that they will anyway? I wonder if Nynaeve (and maybe Egwene if sparks do get the spidey sense before channeling) has spent the last few days being itchy as all hell and not having a clue why. It would add another reason to her bad temper over being asked about the weather.

Not more than twenty spans back down the road a cloaked figure on horseback followed them, horse and rider alike black, dull and ungleaming.

"You're in the wrong franchise! Hobbiton's on the other side of the shelf, between Rosewater and Sounis!"

I get that Jordan had to channel a bit of Tolkien because it was the 80s and that's how you got published, but I have to say that sometimes I think he leaned a little too far into it. At least Myrdraal get weirder as we go.

There was only shadow to see in the hood

If Sanderson had been writing the series from the start, he would have rationalized that a Fade being able to step out of any shadow means it could step out of the shadow of its hood and then repeat the process to gain altitude rapidly, allowing the Shadow to orbitally bombard its enemies when the Fades stopped and fell back to Earth.

Abruptly a stone caught his heel and he stumbled, breaking his eyes away from the dark horseman.

Rand was a shy, awkward, inwardly beautiful teenage girl, just like you.

(Seriously folks, plot-convenient clumsiness is not gender specific and we should call it out in our boy protagonists too!)

Tam shook his grizzled head. “If you say so, lad. Come on, then. A horse leaves hoofprints, even on this ground.”

More proof of Tam being a good dad that even though Rand's talking nonsense, he checks it out. Of course, it wouldn't be surprising if Tam had experience with Shadowspawn somehow. Probably not though, since he was mostly involved in Illian and the Aiel War.

The wind that beat at Tam and him had not so much as shifted a fold of that black cloak.

More on the earth/air duality, with air being the masculine half tainted by the Shadow.

once he had even gone to the very foot of the Mountains of Mist, him and his closest friends, Mat Cauthon and Perrin Aybara.

Two complete nobodies who we'll never hear about again, naturally.

Today, though, the Westwood was not the place he remembered. A man who could disappear so suddenly could reappear just as suddenly, maybe even right beside them.

Maybe even fall on you from orbit!

Though I suppose the earth half of things being unfamiliar now does cut against the symbolism I'm envisioning, but I'll leave resolving that as a Freudian exercise for the reader.

Rand managed a weak smile. Of all things he might want to think about right then, the Mayor’s daughter was far down the list. He did not need any more confusion. For the past year she had been making him increasingly jittery whenever they were together.

18 seems a little late to be hitting puberty, Rand. Seriously, if it weren't for the narration earlier calling him and Tam "two men", I'd assume he was supposed to be 14-16 at this point.

“Remember the flame, lad, and the void.”

This technique actually does kind of work! I've used it a lot during painful dentistry and stuff. Sadly, I'm no good at remembering it when I'm in an emotional state, which is when it would be most useful, but maybe someday I'll learn.

(Probably not.)

Some said the land was too rocky, as if there were not rocks everywhere in the Two Rivers, and others said it was hard-luck land. A few muttered that there was no point getting any closer to the mountains than needs be.

Having recently been exposed to the "The Two Rivers is contaminated with radioactive fallout from the Trolloc Wars" theory, I have to note that this feels a bit like evidence for it even though I don't believe it in general - in particular, the cats having a weird number of toes happens all over the place in real life when they start getting too inbred.

goodwife

This is an interesting word choice! Goodwife (masculine "goodman"; abbr. "goody", from which we get "goody two-shoes") is an archaic form of address that started in the 1300s and died by the 1800s, with the English and Scots using it first and the Puritans later. It referred to women of high social status but non-gentry in Europe and in America we have no clue what exactly the Puritans meant except that it was respectful. Here in EF, the term likely either descends from the days when there were gentry to talk about, or has arisen in the Puritan sense.

Whether or not leaves had appeared on the trees, no woman would let Bel Tine come before her spring cleaning was done.

And here we come to Jordan's worldview again. The Two Rivers folk are meant to be pretty gender egalitarian, but here we see that they have the exact division of labor that the idealized American town does, with women doing interior chores and men doing exterior ones. This is treated as being inevitable, even though of course it doesn't have to be and in most real societies gendered division of labor is only ever a sunny day ideal and abandoned in part or in whole in rougher times like we're supposed to be in now, with spring a month late. Hell, even in a culture with similar gender norms to the west, ("Women care about the house, men do rough work"), you could easily see them ending up dividing things the other way, with women expected to thatch the roofs to maintain their nes- I mean homes and men beating the shit out of carpets because their big manly muscles let them get it done faster. See how easy it is to use sexist logic to justify the exact opposite of what western sexism usually does? (Fun fact: That's because sexist logic is almost completely arbitrary.)

It would be rather nice to see a generic Arcadian farming village that has radically different expectations for men and women while still being superficially similiar to the ideal homestead, really. Jordan missed an opportunity.

Tam spoke of damage from winter storms, each one worse than the one before, and stillborn lambs, of brown fields where crops should be sprouting and pastures greening, of ravens flocking in where songbirds had come in years before.

As a big corvid fan, seeing them always be associated with evil when they're really quite social and intelligent makes me sad.

[Wit] never seemed ready to start over, or to finish what he started the first time. Most of the Coplins and Congars were like that, those who were not worse.

Kind of odd to transition from "Life is hard out here and people who aren't willing to work hard can't cut it" to "Meet the Shithead and Lazyfuck Clans, the inbred hicks." It's realistic to have shittier families in communities, but usually these families in the real world at least have something going for them.

“What are we going to do about Nynaeve, al’Thor?” Congar demanded. “We can’t have a Wisdom like that for Emond’s Field.”

Wait a few days and the problem will take care of itself, Wit. Ten whatever-kind-of-coins-are-legal-tender-here says that he was probably the first to bitch about their village not having a Wisdom the second Nynaeve crested a hill and disappeared from view.

“You try meddling in Women’s Circle business, and see how you like eating your own cooking. Which you won’t do in my kitchen. And washing your own clothes and making your own bed. Which won’t be under my roof.”

Guess Daise married from outside the clan, since she seems like a relatively decent sort. Also note again the 1950s division of labor; plenty of dudes knew how to do "women's work" across history because even if you were lucky enough to always have a mommy-wife (yes that's exactly how icky 1950s-lovers are) on hand and never had to go to war or a logging camp or spend a few years in early adulthood fending for yourself, sometimes Mrs. Mommy would be bedridden from all the exhaustion of being a brood mare with unrealized aspirations and then you'd have to learn how to keep the household going anyway because hiring (or enslaving) a dark-skinned maid to do everything for you wasn't an option.

When they saw Tam, the goodwives of Emond’s Field went on point like hounds spotting a rabbit.

I feel like this is another bit of Jordan's local culture being mistaken for human nature. There's definitely gals who will try to set you up if they know you're single, but there's guys who'll pull the same stunt and neither gender has a 100% attempt rate unless compelled to by their society. Then again, for all of it being presented as the ideal, the Two Rivers community is definitely all about meddling in each other's business and assuming you're too stupid to breathe because you don't have the right kind of genitals, so I suppose it makes sense the women feel like they have to.

Worst of all were those who paused thoughtfully at about that point, then asked with elaborate casualness exactly how old he was now.

Based on later books, Egwene would have been pissed to hear about this. It's probably not canonical in later books though, since the exact details of their relationship change quite a bit in the first three.

Outsiders sometimes found it funny that the road had one name to the north and another to the south, but that was the way it had always been, as far as anyone in Emond’s Field knew, and that was that.

I struggle to think what rock these outsiders must have been living under to find the idea of a road changing names funny. It's the sort of thing that happens when two separate roads are brought together, and I know that the west is slowly decaying, but still.

No one knew when the custom began or why—it was another thing that was the way it had always been—but it was an excuse to sing and dance, and nobody in the Two Rivers needed much excuse for that.

It's a dick joke, ya hicks!

Or possibly a reference to the queen blowing herself up. That seems more dignified.

And to top everything, if the rumors could be believed, a grand display of fireworks was planned for the Green—if the first peddler of the year appeared in time, of course.

Another moment that feels a bit too Tolkien, with the book opening on a celebration graced with fireworks, but hey at least the Illuminators end up having a lot of plot relevance in this story, so it builds well.

At the south end of the inn, away from the stream, stretched the remains of a much larger stone foundation, once part of the inn—or so it was said.

I would guess that the foundation was once the local garrison in Manetheren, or at least a more prominent building for the village mayor. Maybe even a place where Andorians of import might stay, since it would have to be relatively recently ruined to have not been torn apart by the tree roots in the last few hundred years.

“An ill omen,” a scratchy voice announced, “no storks nesting on the rooftops at Bel Tine.” Cenn Buie, as gnarled and dark as an old root, marched up to Tam and Bran and leaned on his walking staff, near as tall as he was and just as gnarled.

Narrative doesn't treat Buie kindly either (and not unfairly), but he's not wrong here. Things are only going to get worse, especially here in the Two Rivers.

Ask the Wisdom when the winter will end, and she walks away. Maybe she doesn’t want to tell us what she hears on the wind. Maybe what she hears is that the winter won’t end. Maybe it’s just going to go on being winter until the Wheel turns and the Age ends. There’s your point.

It's interesting that while Cenn thinks Nynaeve is too young, his fearmongering here is based on the assumption that she is perfectly competent. This double think is quite distressingly common in certain circles.

Rand’s smile broadened; it did not sound as much like fun to him as it would have a year or two back, but Mat never seemed to grow up.

Again, this sequence feels like it works better with Rand and Mat being 14-16, with badger pranks seeming like something more fun at 12-14. I wonder if, a bit like GRRM, Jordan assumed he'd have some time skips in his story that would get Rand into his 20s from a younger age, and then abandoned the concept as the plot continued to demand immediate action.

“Funny how being scared takes you. You think strange things. I actually thought—just for a minute, mind—it might be the Dark One.”

Mat's not too far off!

“The Dark One and all of the Forsaken are bound in Shayol Ghul, beyond the Great Blight, bound by the Creator at the moment of Creation, bound until the end of time. The hand of the Creator shelters the world, and the Light shines on us all.”

Note that it's not quite true: not all of the Forsaken are bound, none of them were bound by the Creator (arguably not even the Dark One), and the Forsaken are all about to break free. Over the past few millennia the Forsaken have really had a glow-up.

“My mother always said the Forsaken would come for me if I didn’t mend my ways. If I ever saw anybody who looked like Ishamael, or Aginor, it was him.”

Considering that Ish is currently serving flaming looks and Aginor is decayed as all hell, this is again not all that wrong.

Now his name came up whenever a washline dropped the laundry in the dirt or a loose saddle girth deposited a farmer in the road. Mat did not even have to be anywhere around. His support might be worse than none.

While I do think Nynaeve and Egwene are too hard on the boy, it's important to remember that this is Mat's reputation at the start of the series: his own best friend doesn't want his public support on a major issue.

Rand stared wonderingly. No one traveled beyond the village by night, not these days, certainly not alone.

Why did Thom come in the dead of night? Taren Ferry should have been a perfectly good place to stop, and with things being like they are you wouldn't think him in much of a hurry to wander among the wolves even though he can take care of himself. Do we get an answer to this?

That alone is worth the expense of bringing him down from Baerlon.

Oh and Thom's been close enough that he'd know all the environmental dangers quite well, so that really just makes me all the more curious.

“You have a head on your shoulders when you choose to use it,” Bran said. “He’ll follow you on the Village Council one day, Tam. Mark my words. He couldn’t do much worse right now than someone I could name.”

We can see here that Rand really is a political thinker, though of course he's going to rise far beyond a simple village council.

“Oh, why not?” Mat said resignedly. “Like your da said, the quicker it’s in the cellar. . . .” Picking up one of the casks of cider in both arms, he hurried toward the inn in a half trot.

And we can see here that Mat really is good to his friends, even if he is a rogue.

And that's pretty much chapter one! Rand and dad walk down a road, Rand sees an incarnation of evil, dad gossips throughout the village, local crotchety old man and scheming youth spread rumors. Like the prologue, this sequence wasn't really particularly adapted by the show. We instead have:

Moiraine giving us a really awkward summary of the plot thanks to executive meddling.

And it's here I should point out how many different reasons season 1 needed to make changes from the book. There's executive meddling, there's plague, there's the inevitable changes from page to screen, there's stuff that is clearly about appealing to the director, there's stuff that seems to be about keeping Rosamund Pike onboard, there's... a lot. And Rafe gets the blame for all of it which is really unfair because properly speaking we should only blame him for the stuff that's about appealing to himself. Blame Jeff Bezos for this one, folks. Anyway then we get:

Liandrin (who isn't even in this book!) and her posse of Rad Red Bad Bitches hunting down... let's pretend it's Gorin Rogad even though the timeline doesn't line up at all, and also Gorin's imaginary best friend. Moiraine and Lan watch from above and decide to go to Two Rivers.

Lots of people who want to make everything about culture wars complain about Obviously Evil Witch Liandrin being Horribly Misandrist In Ways That Sexism Has Never Been Done Before in this scene and I don't have patience for that kind of nonsense either. The scene's kinda rushed I think, and I am even more flummoxed by there being rumors of anything out of the Two Rivers, let alone four ta'veren, but whatever, plot's happening.

Egwene gets her hair braided for the first time (a practice mentioned in this chapter) and then Nynaeve tries to kill her to prep us for the saidar metaphor.

Frankly this is also rushed - a real problem in this episode because they wanted extra time for the premiere but were told to go feed their mothers to the Myrdraal while Jeff Bezos swam in a bathtub filled with 50 dollar bills - and because of all the cuts this episode had for time it feels a bit weirdly out there, but again we really needed to make surrender as literal and visual for TV watchers as possible so I know what's up.

Our closest scene to the books is Rand and Tam taking the old road to town and Rand freaking out about something that he assumes is wolves.

It's very abrupt and Rand is kinda douchey with his "I used to be a sap" line. It also used to be the first scene in the episode (I remember the outrage when people found out they were skipping the prologue) but the execs clearly forced it to be shuffled around. Probably would have been longer too.

Cut to town. People are setting up for Bel Tine and the air is generally happy instead of nervous like the books. Rand and Tam unload in the tavern and then Rand drinks with his friends, Mat, Perrin, and somebody else! She beats Mat at dice, Mat begs his friends for cash to keep carousing while bitching that Perrin is a good husband and accusing Rand of being a sheepfucker, and Egwene arrives with everyone very happy that she lived after the murder attempt.

Generally I think it's smart to trim down the parts of this chapter after the rider even in an episode that isn't desperately trying to fit into an hour, and introducing Perrin alongside Mat is something that works well for TV because it's easier to have interweaving conversations in real time. It also isn't a bad idea to age the characters up some (Rand and crew have to be about 20 now, per Moiraine's comments while watching Gorin get gentled) and abandon kiddie activities like badger pranks.

That said, the generic wholesomeness of the town is gone and that one lady who has spilled booze all over herself needs to slow down, like geez, you don't even know if Egwene is alive yet so why are you clearly already sauced? Hell, why is Rand carousing if he should be worrying whether or not his girlfriend was dashed against the rocks? Why is the mayor just chatting with Tam like nothing is up? That river initiation ceremony cannot possibly have a 100% survival rate and I suspect very strongly that its initial placement in the script was very different and only patched together like this because they didn't have time because seriously.

Oh and this is as good a place as any to talk about the elephant in the room to clear out the wrong sort of people before they get any ideas: no, the Two Rivers is not the bastion of Racial Purity it is in the books (we'll discuss that more in the reread when it starts coming up beyond a single acknowledgement that Rand doesn't look like most other folk here), and fuck no that is not remotely a problem. Even ignoring the sheer difficulty of getting enough extras of any ethnic group (and guess what people, "white" is too broad a group in this context and does not constitute a distinct "look" like the Two Rivers people have, you'd have to do "Polish" or "Irish" or something and then you're still making casting everything else a pain in the arse), the simple fact of the matter is that Zoë Robins is perfect as Nynaeve, Madeleine Madden is perfect as Egwene, Barney Harris was perfect as Mat, and maybe someday Marcus Rutherford will grow on me as an actor or at least get a subplot that isn't stupid or both! Together they cover a very broad range of human ethnicity and getting rid of any of them (let alone *most* of them) for racial reasons would be pathetic and would hobble the show even more than Amazon and COVID already managed to do. Shame on you for suggesting it and good day - good here being a word meaning "I hope you achieve some semblance of enlightenment about how wrong you are, which would be very good indeed, now begone!".

And on that note, I really want to go and play video games now, so I'm off as well. See you next time with chapter two: Strangers!

#wheel of time #robert jordan #let's read #rand al'thor #tam al'thor #mat cauthon #wot spoilers #wheel of time spoilers #wot on prime #racism is stupid and you should feel bad

8 notes · View notes

brainyxbat · 1 year ago

Text

TG. Venus Fun Fact: She gets wasted easily

(Scenario: Nami and Venus are at a bar)

Nami just wanted the uptight Venus to loosen up for a change. And yet after a few minutes of her soda spiked (by the navigator) with two measly shots of a strong vodka later, she's straight up wasted. Usopp isn't going to like this; he didn't want his girlfriend to have any alcohol, because of how easily she gets drunk. Apparently her body mass contributes to that; Chopper had confirmed it. How he knows that, she has no clue, but he is the doctor.

She grabs her Transponder Snail, dials the sniper's number, and waits for an answer, as Venus babbles and giggles like well, a drunk, while sitting on a barstool. "Nami?"

"Hey Usopp, uh, can you come and get Venus?"

"Is she okay?" He sounds worried.

"Yeah, she's alright. Just..." Nami hesitates. Here goes. "... wasted. Here, listen." She lets him hear his girlfriend.

"Ooh, these are so bubbly!" She gushes, before letting out a big hiccup. "They're like magic potions! Are you magic? So am I! HIC!"

She hears Usopp sigh on the other side after returning the snail to her own ear. "Didn't I say I didn't want her getting drunk? Didn't she say that??"

"I, I wanted her to loosen up!" Nami tries to defend herself. "Have a little fun!" She can almost sense his eye roll. "Besides, I didn't think only two shots would make her this bad!"

"Two shots? Did she even know what she was having?"

Nami hesitates again. "I... might have... spiked her soda." A smack is heard on the other side; she assumes it was a facepalm, before it's followed by a large, angry sigh. Definitely a facepalm. "It wasn't my fault she downed her soda in five seconds! The glass is almost as tall as her head!"

Usopp grumbles to himself for a moment. "Alright, I'll come get her. Tomorrow, we're having a serious talk."

"Yeah, yeah," The redhead dismisses him, "It's just so I can get wasted too, and not get both of us killed taking her home." She then hangs up without hearing his response, and sighs. He's become such an overprotective party pooper ever since he and Venus got together.

Speaking of which, she approaches the petite witch cautiously. "Hey, Venus? In a few minutes, your boyfriend's gonna come here and take you home. Okay?"

"Mmm, I have a boyfriend?" Venus giggles, her words slurring.

"Sure do, hun. Just wait here, and he'll come."

"Kay-kay. HIC!" Shaking her head, Nami returns to the dance floor.

After a few minutes, as Venus' upper body is slumped over on the bar, a familiar long-nosed face enters. Nami winces internally; as expected, he doesn't look happy. "Usopp, I-"

"We'll talk later," He cuts her off, "Where is she?"

"Before you-"

"Dammit Nami, you promised you wouldn't let her have anything alcoholic!" He snapped over the impossibly loud music. "She didn't want any of it, and yet you gave it to her anyway!"

"She didn't know she was having any at all!"

"That's even worse! You tricked her! And now she's going to feel miserable all day tomorrow!"

"I told you, she was being too uptight! And plus, you're too overprotective!"

"Hey, she's not uptight! She's smart! There's a difference! And she has all her independence, but I protect her, because I love her! She set her own boundary, and I respect it! It's not being overprotective; it's called being a good partner!" With that, he storms off to find his girlfriend.

After asking several people if they had seen her, he's finally helped by someone not drunk or high out of their mind. He's directed to the bar, and makes a beeline upon finding the head of long, green hair he can spot anywhere. She's slumped over on the counter, giant grin on her face, and chuckling to no one, with the recurring hiccup. And she doesn't seem to notice him. He carefully walks over, letting his anger go for her. "Venus?" He addresses her, but she doesn't move. "V?" He puts a gentle hand on her shoulder to get her attention.

She turns around so quickly, he almost gets whiplash just watching, and jumps back. Her eye is half open, and she has a large, drunken grin. "Well, hel-lo~! HIC!" She flirts, and giggles. "Are you the boyfriend Nami said- HIC! Is taking me home?"

Usopp shakes his head, as he stifles a grin. She's definitely wasted; still cute as always, but wasted. He's going to kill Nami later. "Yeah, I, I am. I'm taking you home."

"Mm, lucky me~! HIC!" She hiccups. "My soda tasted funny."

"I'll explain later. Or at least, Nami will. Now-"

"Wait, wait!" She holds her hand up. "Before we do- HIC! I need to tell you something."

"I'm listening," He plays along.

Venus shifts her hair behind her back, hiccupping again. "I- HIC! I love you. HIC!" She lays her small arms around his neck, surprising him. "Gimme some sugar!" She starts going in for a kiss, but slumps down instead, her scalp rested against his left shoulder, and immediately falls unconscious, her breath evening out.

Usopp lets his smile grow, as he keeps her from falling. "Maybe later, sweetheart. Let's get you home first." He picks her up, and carries her like a child, one arm under her legs, and the other over her back, heading for the door. His eyes widen at some intimidating men eyeballing them. "Sh-she's had a little too much to drink," He grins sheepishly, as he makes his leave. 'Without knowing it,' He finishes to himself mentally.

He's going to have a serious talk with Nami tomorrow.

When he exits, he sighs in relief at the glorious quiet outside. He was starting to get a headache in there, from the booming music to the obnoxious patrons. He looks down at Venus, and moves his hand up from her back to brush her hair from her face; she's peacefully asleep, still facing the ground. He carefully adjusts her head, so it can rest more comfortably on his shoulder. "Sorry, V, it seems you're in for a rough morning, if not a whole day tomorrow. But I'll be there for you through it all, whatever you need." He kisses the top of her head, nuzzles his cheek in her soft hair, and continues the trek home.

He arrives on the ship, still carrying the small Goth, and passes everyone on his way to the girls' sleeping quarters. "What's up with Venus?" Sanji asks casually.

"Ask your girlfriend," Usopp replies, not hiding his irritation.

"Nami? What'd she do?"

"I'll explain later; I need to get Venus into bed. I'll be staying with her; goodnight."

In the girls' room, Usopp kneels by her bed, and lays her on the mattress, pulling off her shiny, black boots for her comfort. He rests his head in front of hers, watching her sweet, peaceful face breathe tranquilly. "Have a good rest, baby." He strokes her soft bangs back, and kisses her forehead. He then lets the short strands fall back below her brow, and keeps his hand on her cheek, his thumb over her black moon-shaped beauty mark. "I love you, and I'm always here for you. Sorry the night ended this way, and sorry in advance for tomorrow. I'll take care of you."

Gently drawing his hand away, he pillows his head with his triceps on the bed, and drifts off to sleep by his love's side.

#has venus x usopp fluff #oc fun facts #UsoVe #bxb fanfics #venus x usopp fics #one piece #one piece oc #tempeste g. venus #usopp #one piece usopp #nami #one piece nami

0 notes

canadianlucifer · 8 months ago

Text

ok wait, let's think about this. (I was gonna write all this in the tags but it started getting too long)

there are actually only two crimes that come to mind with Takizawa: murder and being a ghoul. Let's ignore the ghoul thing since we don't actually have any knowledge of what laws pertain to ghouls in tg, aside from that one part Mado recites in vol 2 but it has no impact here.

And before going further I'm going to base this off of American laws because they're easier to find and I can't read Japanese. And also before making an argument on whether or not he committed cannibalism since he is technically not human post-procedure, cannibalism in and of itself is actually legal.

Now, let's start from the beginning. His time in the CCG is excused because ghouls are classified as vermin for sake of translation into the real world. For this same reason, all killings of ghouls post-op are also ignored. And let's assume Seidou is being tried as a human and someone that can actually be accused of crime, since "animals" cannot be convicted. (god, the CCG is really dehumanizing isn't it?)

We do not know what exactly happened up until :re vol 3, but for the sake of this analysis, let's say he was locked up until that point. He has not committed any crimes yet.

First kill was that one guy who's name I forget, Atou? Idk, pineapple dude. He was just standing there, not an active threat, but could reasonably be considered a threat to his safety and the same applies to the rest of the squad. On the other hand however, he continued to attack even as they fled, eventually cornering two of them in a bathroom and monologing before quickly slaughtering them via decapitation. These are the first crimes he may have committed: 8 counts of voluntary manslaughter. I settled on voluntary manslaughter because the threat to him and his safety was too low to count it as justifiable homicide in my eyes, but his current mental state must be brought into account here. He has been tortured for years and is clearly in a state of mania, which I believe covers the condition of voluntary manslaughter requiring the accused to have been in a state where the average person would become mentally disturbed to the point of believing killing to be necessary.

Now what about the two cornered investigators? I counted them in the 8 counts of voluntary manslaughter, but I feel I should still touch on them because Seidou did show a moment of clarity before killing them. In the moment of the killing of the girl he slips back into a state of being unwell so I would say he did not have full control over his actions there and since didn't see him kill the guy, I will assume the same for him.

Moving on, the next time we see him is on Rushima fighting Hachikawa. He is still clearly crazy here and actively being fought against with the intent to be killed, however, he seeked out this fight. Hachikawa was just there to scope out the place iirc, and Seidou is the one who attacked first. Now you could say "but he also seeked out the fight at the auction!" That's true, but he was made to do so by Kano so I absolve him of any wrongdoing there. Here though, he appears to have free will. All that being said, due to his illness, I will classify this as another charge of voluntary manslaughter.

Next up is the Tatara fight. I would honestly consider this one to be justifiable homicide. I can't quite tell exactly how many investigators there were directly after Tatara's death, but in the zoomed out panel immediately after, I counted 13 visible who are all wearing helmets. Akira and Houji do not wear helmets and since Akira was spared (though indeed intended to be killed), I will add in one Houji for 14 counts of justifiable homicide since they had all came at him with the intent to kill him as per Houji's orders.

The next crime we see him commit on screen is when he kills the guard to open the gate. This is after he regains his sanity and is fully aware of what he is doing and that guard likely posed no immediate threat to him, so that one's just straight up murder imo.

After that... we never actually see him kill anyone. He offers to get Tomoe some food, but that doesn't necessarily imply killing. There are plenty of dead bodies around during a battle. The most we get is the epilogue where it implies he started only eating violent ghouls, and the difference is that ghouls are now protected people but the law is unclear if all ghouls are protected or not. For the sake of simplicity, my dying brain cells, and my distaste for the epilogue, I'm just gonna ignore that.

Now keep in mind this is only talking about murder- there are likely many other categories of crimes he committed over the course of the series but it's nearly midnight and I have been writing this for well over an hour and this is already way more effort than what I put into my polisci exam today so that analysis will have to wait for another night.

Aside from probably a parking ticket or two from when he was human, the final charge is.....

9 counts of voluntary manslaughter 1 charge of first-degree murder

His total sentence is: 27 years + life in prison

He just barely escapes capital punishment for the one case of murder due to mental instability!

Now, keep in mind all my knowledge about law comes from Ace Attorney and 1.5 hours on Wikipedia tonight so I'm likely missing a lot, but to finally answer the poll: Yes- extremely severe crimes, up to a life sentence.

#sorry for the essay lmfao

71 notes · View notes

thewertsearch · 8 months ago

Text

>WV: Search for power source. You ate that delicious green nuclear rock earlier in the day, even though it feels like it was more than a year ago.

WV seems completely immune to radiation, which is a lucky break for him.

It's also a weird trait for Sburb to give its NPCs, but I guess it makes sense when you remember they're supposed to explore post-apocalyptic worlds.

Guess there's nothing to do but wait it out.

Lmao. I…. guess that’s a plan?

The problem isn't getting the uranium, it's using it. I didn't spot any convenient Mr. Fission reactor to toss it into, so I don't know what he's supposed to do with the thing once he has it.

He is so impatient. Doesn't he realize how time consuming it is preparing for the holidays? […] Wait… you almost forgot, it's still April, and nowhere near the holiday season. You guess all this wintry weather tricked you into thinking it was. But wait! Even THAT doesn't make any sense, since it never snowed on your island, and you were never able to connect it with the holiday season! […]

Sorry Hussie, there's no way to make this make sense – but I don't care, and neither do you. We’re long overdue for Jade’s alchemy session, so Christmas in April it is.

Karkat cannot be conveyed with a more detailed portrait yet. He is too angry, and is forced to look like shit.

This should have been Karkat's first appearance in the comic.

Hell yes.

Does it have a jpegifying aura, like the SORD.....? Maybe it turns the presents left underneath it into jpegs themselves.

TG: yes perfect GG: it is the prettiest tree i have ever seen!!!!! TG: ok im going to torrent you another like negative billion artifact grists GG: ok great! GG: everything about that makes total sense

The funniest thing about this is that we already know Jade's a talented artist - and therefore, the only logical explanation for these abominations is that Dave's been tutoring her.

GG: is this conksucky enough TG: its the conksuckiest piece of fucking shit that ever still somehow qualified as a boot GG: <3

I was right! She's an apprentice SBaHJist!

#homestuck liveblog #full liveblog #act 5.2 #s105 #3138

174 notes · View notes

monstermaster13 · 2 years ago

Text

Character Tgs NOTE: The following is a list of female character TGs i've done that no one else except for a few people have done, this is also a full-list of them to be exact despite the meme only having 10 characters on it.

Lee's female form (Critters 2)

Sarah Sanderson (Hocus Pocus).

Elvira (Elvira: Mistress Of The Dark)

Lydia Deitz (Beetlejuice)

Xena (Xenaverse).

Mina Harker (Bram Stoker's Dracula)

Lilly Munster (The Munsters/Mockingbird Lane).

Lady Van Tassell (Sleepy Hollow). In addition to doing a couple of She-Hessian tgs I did a Lady Van Tassell one that got itself a sequel involving my character becoming the Hessian Horseman.

May Day (A View To A Kill). Yeah, i'm definitely the first person to do TGs of someone into Grace Jones. I did one of someone turning into May-Day, Katrina and yes into Grace herself.

Katrina (Vamp)

Rynn (Drakan: The Ancient's Gates).

Selene (Underworld series)

Edna Turnblad (Hairspray). Considering Edna is played by a man in the musical and also in the movie as a nod to Divine who played her in the 1988 movie, i'm surprised nobody else has tackled doing Edna as a TG before. Especially since weight gain stories are quite popular on here.

Santanico Pandemonium (From Dusk Till Dawn). I've seen two Salma Hayek tgs by others mostly into Salma herself - I did a Salma Hayek tg as well, but not into Santanico which is a shame because she's one of the most iconic female characters in horror history and after quite a while of waiting to do one, I worked on one of my own.

Maleficent (Maleficent). I've seen a few Angelina Jolie tgs but one of them was a caption and the other was into Lara Croft, so I decided to change that with my little tg of someone into Maleficent from the Disney movie of the same name - I was influenced by the Snickers "You're Not You When You're Hungry" campaign and the commercials to do that since the commercials have had tgs of some kind in them - both female to male and male to female.

Carrie White (Carrie). I'm definitely the first to go a TG of someone into a Stephen King character. No one has done a Carrie related TG before? That's surprising. Because I figured that at least someone would have done one based on Carrie considering well…let's face it, a lot of us can relate to the character and all.

Annie Wilkes (Misery). It's kind of funny to me how most people when doing TGs usually go for the younger and more attractive actresses as subjects to tg into or into singers like Katy Perry or Lady Gaga and yet there is one actresses who should have at least a couple of TGs by now - and that actresses is Kathy Bates. Especially of someone into Annie Wilkes from Misery. Unlike most Stephen King novels or movies based on them, Misery has no supernatural elements and the main villain isn't a creature of the night but rather someone very real that could exist in real life as well, because there are people out there - there are lots of obsessed fanbases out there who are a little bit scrambled in the head when it comes to their sanity - take Team CoCo for instance, talk about holding a grudge - they still hate Jay Leno even to this day even though he did nothing wrong and still think of O'Brien as the poor victim, and also the Russell Brand fanbase and how they worship Russell like he's a demigod and call you out if you argue with them or disagree with anything he says. Annie Wilkes is no big bad monster from the depths of a dark hell-like dimension, she's pretty much someone who could exist in real life. I'm the first to do TGs of someone into Kathy Bates and characters she's played including ones into Annie - which is extremely surprising. It's surprising and shocking no one has done an Annie Wilkes tg before considering stalking and stalkers in general are both very real.

Lillith (Bordello Of Blood). Following the Lee tg I did, I decided to do a TG that had characters from the movie in it making an appearance at the end and that's what I did with my TG of someone into Lillith from Bordello Of Blood, in part 3 of my 'Hexed' story saga there is a tg of someone into Angie Everhart - I plan on doing a full Angie Everhart tg soon along with continuing the Angelina Jolie one I have been working on as well.

Julie Walker (Return Of The Living Dead III). I had been meaning to do a zombie related TG for a while to coincide with the 'zombie craze', so I did a tg of someone turning into Julie from the third Return Of The Living Dead movie. Of course I also intend on continuing on my 'Attack Of The Zombie Minionettes' TG which is going to be a tf/tg story combo paying homage to zombie movies and From Dusk Till Dawn as well as poking fun of the popularity of the Minions (yes, those Minions) and how some people really seem to hate them - the Minionettes are female anthro Minions. I plan on doing the Trash tg as well.

Irena (Cat People 1982)

Akasha (Queen Of The Damned)

Jun/Unknown (Tekken Tag and Tekken Tag 2).

Akivasha (Kull The Conqueror). I'm definitely the first to do a Tia Carrere tg of some kind considering no one else has done one, I planned on doing a TG of someone into Cassandra but that never fell through, so I decided to do Akivasha from Kull The Conqueror instead and yes - in part 5 of the Hexed storyline there is a TG into Tia Carrere, and there is a full on Tia Carrere tg I've also written (I plan on doing the sequel involving my character becoming Christopher Walken).

#Monstermaster13 #tg wishlist

0 notes

elceeu2morrow · 7 years ago

Link

By Rob Sheffield Aug 3, 2017 10 hours ago

It's official: All five lads in One Direction have kicked off their solo careers. Ever since 1D went on hiatus in late 2015 – we can only hope it's temporary – the world has been eager to hear what kind of history they'll make on their own. Some have dropped full-fledged albums; others are still getting their toes wet. But in the great Beatle tradition, they're all speaking their minds about the breakup, in the press and in their songs – whether they're dishing out praise or shade. Here's a handy guide to the story so far.

Louis Tomlinson

Solo music: Working on his first solo album after releasing one single, "Just Hold On," a banging duet with electronic DJ Steve Aoki. The most prolific songwriter in 1D – and the most continually surprising – so "Just Hold On" feels like just a taste of what he can do, more a teaser for glories to come than a proper solo debut.

Solo mystique: "Just Hold On" gained emotional resonance from the way he debuted it on The X Factor just a week after the tragic death of his mother from leukemia, making it sound like a heartfelt tribute.

Sounds like: Skrillex plus Diplo plus Calvin Harris times Stevie Wonder plus Howard Jones.

Sample lyric: "What do you do when the chapter ends?/Do you close the book and never read it again?"

Fighting words: "Niall, for example. He's the most lovely guy in the world. Happy-go-lucky Irish, no sense of arrogance. And he's fearless. There are times I've thought: 'I'd have a bit of that.' Zayn has a fantastic voice. Harry comes across very cool. Liam's all about getting the crowd going, doing a bit of dancing. And then there's me."

Equivalent Beatle record: George's "What Is Life?"

Harry Styles

Solo music: His debut was a Number One hit (obviously) and a deeply personal singer-songwriter statement (which wasn't obvious at all), steering away from celebrity glitz. "Sign of the Times," a five-minute piano ballad that's long and rambling and downright weird, made up in the studio on the spot, nonetheless went Top Ten. He kicks off his first solo tour this fall.

Solo mystique: He's making his mark as a credible adult rocker without the slightest hint of shade at his pop fans – which is merely the most difficult trick in show biz. He takes the all-smiles Paul McCartney exit ramp while Zayn has gone for John Lennon–style beef. And "Two Ghosts" drops sly hints about Taylor Swift – he even sings about a refrigerator light, an in-joke for Swifties everywhere – showing that he loves to keep everyone guessing.

Sounds like: Mick Jagger plus Harry Nilsson plus Taylor Swift plus Badfinger plus Donovan times Stevie Nicks.

Sample lyric: "You can't bribe the door on your way to the sky."

Fighting words: "How can you say young girls don't get it? They're our future. Our future doctors, lawyers, mothers, presidents, they kind of keep the world going. Teenage girl fans – they don't lie. If they like you, they're there."

Equivalent Beatle record: Paul's Band on the Run

Zayn Malik

Solo music: He quit 1D bitterly in 2014, calling them "generic." His R&B debut Mind of Mine went Number One in 2016, as did his single "Pillowtalk." The soft-porn video with model Gigi Hadid was his inevitable "hello, I've just left a boy band, so let me announce I am in favor of sex-having" statement. If Gigi is his Yoko, this was his Plastic Hadid Band. He also dueted with Taylor Swift on a Fifty Shades of Greysoundtrack theme.

Solo mystique: Talks about how repressed he felt in the group, yet hasn't quite backed it up with his pleasantly blah solo music. His best solo hit, "BeFoUr," comes on like a dis of his ex-bandmates, who made the album Four right BeFoUr he quit – and the capitalized letters suggest he's sending them a Big FU.

Sounds like: early the Weeknd meets late the Weeknd, with a side order of George Michael circa Listen Without Prejudice.

Sample lyric: "I don't drink to get drunk/I feel all the right funk."

Fighting words: "That's not music I would listen to. Would you listen to One Direction, say, at a party with your girl? I wouldn't. To me, that's not an insult, that's me as a 22-year-old man. As much as I was in that band, and I loved everything that we did, that's not music that I would listen to."

Equivalent Beatle record: John's "How Do You Sleep?"

Niall Horan

Solo music: The Irish guitar boy, always a hit with the moms, scored a great solo hit last fall with the understated and beautiful folkie ballad "This Town." As a nostalgic breakup song, it doubled as a bittersweet farewell to the group. His second solo single, "Slow Hands," goes for a sultrier, even bluesier vibe, with lyrics about making out.

Solo mystique: He's unflaggingly loyal to the group – he's the one who talks about how it's inevitable they'll get back together – and he's stuck to his long-running monogamous relationship with his acoustic guitar.

Sounds like: James Taylor meets Ed Sheeran, with Bonnie Raitt on lead guitar.

Sample lyric: "Slow hands/Like sweat dripping down our laundry."

Fighting words: "When One Direction come back we'll still have albums left to do. ... It's been a year and a bit already. We don't want to put a time on it. But when that phone call does come, no matter whoever it comes from, we're back again."

Equivalent Beatle record: Ringo's "Photograph"

Liam Payne

Solo music: The last to test the solo waters, Liam recently dropped "Strip That Down," a party-hearty flop with Ed Sheerhan and Migos' Quavo that missed the Top 40. He can do better – he cowrote some of 1D's finest tunes – so it's tough to guess why he even released it. He also just became a dad: Welcome to the world, Bear Payne!

Solo mystique: He gets personal about breaking free from 1D in "Strip That Down." But it's bizarre to hear Liam sing about hitting the club to chug rum and grind on groupies – it doesn't ring true from a guy who just had a baby with one of England's most famous models, Cheryl Cole. Quavo adds the unfortunate hook "She gonna strip it down for a thug" – there are many words to describe Liam, but "thug" doesn't make the top ten thousand.

Sounds like: Lil Jon plus Wham! plus Nu Shooz plus Huey Lewis plus the News.

Sample lyric: "I used to be in 1D/Now I'm out free/People want one thing from me/That's not me."

Fighting words: "Everyone is now free to do their own thing in music and explore the music. I was worried that people would take it negatively but it's not meant to be in that sense at all. None of us left the band; we're on hiatus still, and what a great hiatus it's been so far."

Equivalent Beatle record: Paul's "Spies Like Us."

#why didn't he include bty in the list?#he has TG which isn't even out yet #rolling stone #solo louis #solo harry #solo liam #solo niall #rob sheffield #8.3.17 #solo zayn #why so negative to liam

511 notes · View notes